#so if theyre going to keep existing the least they can do is make good movies.

[berenshand]

i want to say the wildest thing about wish is that disney fully funded and released a movie where the bad guy could basically be a metaphor for the disney company. but it's even wilder because they funded and released it as their celebratory 'we're 100 years old and we're soooo great' movie. and what's even wilder than that is that their 'we're 100 years old and we're so great movie', which features a bad guy who is basically a metaphor for their company, was a flop

[the-trans-dragon]

Rendered inert by the crushing of fear of doing things with mediocre skills rather than with precise perfection and efficiency -> Rendered inert hesitant by the realization that I am being Very Visibly Autistic by doing things with precise perfection and efficiency -> just accepting that everyone is looking at me and thinking "oh my god, I didn't know we had THAT kind of weirdo in our community. We need to make that kind of person illegal" which *isn't true* but it's way easier to cope with, than trying to to convince myself that most people are neutral and busy being the protagonist of their own lives and not thinking about writing a memoir titled "This Fucker Is Ruining My Life By Existing Near Me: Plotting Their Demise"

Haha sorry that was just gonna be silly and lighthearted but i lost my way and ended up in Brain Troubles Land <3

[gibbearish]

"can bi nbs say dyke" "can trans men say tranny" "can this specific identity reclaim this slur" ENOUGH !!! ALL that matters is whats in your heart when you say it. is there love for your community or is there hate for people not like you. are you saying it to hurt someone or to give a hurtful thing new love-filled meaning. theres your answer.

terfs are finding this now so just to head this off at the pass my tranny ass will not be debating you, you are going to be instantaneously blocked so you may as well save us both the trouble of typing out whatever long rant youre planning about how im an evil transsexual betraying the community by daring to call myself a faggot or w/e. also go fuck yourself

edit 2: hey terfies do you think perhaps that the fact you had to block me before purposefully starting fights with randos in my replies says something about the kind of people you are? do you think that's the kind of thing good people do? can you look yourself in the eyes and genuinely tell me that deep down you don't know that if you constantly have to lie and infiltrate and block evade to harass people, that just means youre a shit person? can you with a straight face say that doing these kinds of things actually feels morally sound, that there's no tiny sliver of yourself in there that knows youre acting like a piece of shit all the fucking time which is why everyone leaves you when they find out about your beliefs? could you honestly tell me that a person who acts like that is good, and that behaving like this actually makes you feel like you're adding something positive to the world? or is it just the rush that comes with punching a wall in rage?

you harass trans people for the same reason parents beat their children: it feels good to hurt other people when youre mad. it feels good to take your anger out on someone else. and so you find people you can hurt and you convince yourself youre doing it because theyre stronger than you, that youre fighting back, you punch and you punch and you keep punching on and on forever. because that anger is addicting and trans people have always and WILL always exist, so we will always be available as a target.

look at the way youre behaving and ask yourself if this is what you want to be doing with your life. and google the signs of a high-control group. and if youre going to be a piece of shit in my replies then at least don't be a major fucking coward about it. unless youre literally 12 you should not be arguing like a middle schooler starting fights about steven universe. grow the fuck up and get real problems

[ikkosu]

IKKO, very very important question 🫡💚. How would Pharma act if both him and maybe Tarn or prowl (your choice🫶) were after one persons affection

RAGGHH 🛐🛐🛐 MORNING COMPY!!! :D ❤️❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂

Important question indeed. And of the highest order too 😺☝️ long ramble below because I love those two to bits !!

I wasn't sure if you meant love triangle or individually 😭

Prowl wouldn't act on his affections. He'd hide it at first. And would would battle a long churning conflict between his logical side and his feelings — over countless cubes of engex Ratchet would diagnose him dead after

Mister-cold-to-the-bones-I'd-rather-die-than-ever-smile would definitely manipulate your surroundings to get him closer to you.

He'll move your schedule around, your seat placement (no harm in a little thigh touching, eh?) Maybe even discussing with Optimus about your 'work ethics' so he can flunk out your current superior to take his place. Yeah, sure. Totally because they were under performing. Totally.

He knows you yap alot, ranting about things in general so he purposely dawdles by until you notice him and just,,run your mouth

He pretends he's grumbling, saying it's wasitng his time but he's literally recording EVERYTHING you say so he can recharge to it at night (poor little pookie has nightmares, :( doesn't have anyone to coax him)

And you're always so surprised when he remembers an obscure fact about you,,,like sir,,,that's,,,a little 😅 um

but still you chalk it up to him being the strategic officer in charge of information, so not surprised that he knows

Despite his blatant attitude to you, you really don't fucking know what's his problem. Does he hate you? Does he think you're that bad at your job hes finally taking reign over your responsibilities?

So, confusing. He's like,,,got this stare that borders between his usual scowl and a squint.

And while you think you're about to get demoted, it usually means he's saving a picture of you in his processors. 😭😭 And a little note for it too (new shirt today, very nice.)

He's the type to be so stoned up and cold when he's approaching you, but the moment you smile at him (while imperceptible to you) Internally he feels like hauling himself off a bridge

Why do you exist, if not to make a fool out of him?!???2!#(

Pathetic pining. 100 percent

Doctor pharma on the other hand,,,,just invades your boundaries

🤨he's lucky he's naturally charming, you're not even suspecting why he's suddenly more interested in your wound stitching skills.

He's got his servos on you and guiding you through it and shit, whispering into your ear : "good little pet" for following his instructions to a t. He's obvious about his affections but not so vocal because while he recognizes hes caught some feelings for you there's no way he's going to be the one admitting it

So he showers you with gifts, flowers, and chocolates, waiting for the day you're going to realize what it all means.

Nope. You don't. Because a) you either think he's messing with you, ratchet did say he's kind of a flirt to everyone b) pharma being pharma c) asking you to cover another late night shift, which coincidentally, gets you stuck with him

Like prowl, since he's your superior, there's going to be a lot of schedule tampering and unlike Prowl he gets jealous, very easily.

(Prowl does get jealous. Nobody really likes him and he thinks you're obv going to like someone that's wayyy more genial and warmer than what he is. But he keeps it to himself because at least you're interacting with him)

Pharma gets,,, obvious about his jealousy in a very passive aggressive way which sometimes gives way to physical confrontations (pulling you away by your waist, getting in between you and the meh you're talking with, shooting daggers at the person who so much as to praise you)

Messy, messy doctor.

Oughhh so much things to add. Okay but more wholesomely, theyre both the type to put a blanket over you wen you're asleep at your desk, or giving you a drink when you're tired. Basically the tiny acts of kindness that's makes me go oughhh 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭

[pupyr0arz]

random Gaz flavored food

It’s not creepy if it’s an accident. It’s really just a coincidence, a happy little convenience of fate.

It’s after the dust up with Shadow Company that theyre strongly advised (read: ordered) to take a step back and allow the issue to be fought over at a higher level. Kyle knows, academically, that Laswell is absolutely going to tear someone a new asshole and that he can’t do much in this situation. Realistically, it sets his teeth on edge and he has to set his gun away before he nips at Price’s heels for a couple of hours in a useless argument they both know is pointless. He takes it better than Soap, at least, who needs to be dragged away by Ghost like a disobedient dog. If he gets his fair share of licks in when Soap sulks back into the barracks with a furious temper, well, it’s indistinguishable from Ghost’s discipline and really not his fault. He doesn’t instigate fights, he ends them.

Still, the whole thing ends up with plane tickets and another one of Cap’s lectures, which Ghost spends feeling contrite for all of eight seconds, Soap glaring at him because he wouldn’t dare at Ghost with his recent outburst, and Kyle tunes the majority of it out to focus on the printed destination. He’s been to the States a couple times, fleeting memories that crumple under a sudden surge of homesickness. All of a sudden he’s ten times more exhausted than he was a couple of minutes ago and the non-existent, everpresent stink of smoke makes Kyle want to retch all over the floor. He wants to be in his flat, in sandals and watching tv on his couch, letting the rain outside wipe away the etchings of violence on his psyche. Not being dragged to some nightclub to drink himself into liver poisoning or whatever his team counts as activities. He’s disgusted with himself and more disgusted with the people in the bar, with dark wild eyes and talking too loud to be heroes.

What can’t be helped can’t be helped, and unsurprisingly to everyone in the world besides Kyle, drinking more doesn’t make him feel any better. Soap had managed to drag him and Ghost here originally, the Lieutenant being surprisingly indulgent after their shared near death experience. Indulgent for him, which means he vanished a half hour in and Soap stumbled off to root him out, and Kyle doesn’t think he can get drunk enough to want to follow them without dying. It’s not the worst night out with them in the world, but the mood is too twisted to be enjoyable. It’s all so…too much. Johnny is too Soap and Ghost is too Lieutenant and Kyle isn’t sure where he’s straddling because he can’t keep his eyes from counting everyone in the room while he flirts with the bartender Soap called over on competitive reflex. The lights are too bright and the shadows are too dark and none of it is working to chase away the shadows and filmy taste of blood that lingers in his mouth. He’s disgusted with himself and more disgusted with the people in the bar, with dark wild eyes and talking too loud to be heard.

He’s standing before he realizes he got up, and Kyle isn’t sure if Ghost or Soap are nearby to cover the bill so he tosses a handful of bills on the table and pushes out. The night air is a painfully relieving shock to his senses, wiping away the cloying perfumed air in a burst, and he wants to lean into it and enjoy the cool relief but he adjusts too quickly to it, sobering too fast to make it worth it. He knows the path to the flat he’s been given, and he doesn’t want to do a thing for the rest of the night other than drink water and sleep for the next month.

Kyle’s walking down the street when it happens. He almost thinks he’s hallucinating because nothing like that ever actually happens in real life, it’s never that much like one of the romcoms he has stashed in his flat. It’s exaggerations from people too busy trying to get on their lovers good side and executives trying to sell candy and a story. Love, as he’s found it, has been a quiet understanding fostered gently between people. Held like small embers, close to his chest so they wouldn’t go out. His genuine flames that had been more than hookups were when he was younger, approached and then abandoned after a couple of months. It’s not compatible for him now, the anonymity more appealing than consistency. 

But he looks up, on a whim too fuck he could’ve missed you completely, and it’s a bright flat with the window cracked open enough that when he tries he can hear music, and you’re dancing. It’s nothing graceful, you’re spinning around to some tune he couldn’t name if he tried and you’re holding some ball of fur and singing along poorly and he just make out your smile and if it splits his chest in half, there’s no one to care. Its so domestic, so normal and yet, something in him sparks and roots his feet to the ground. He’s too drunk to try to comprehend it or deny himself the indulgence. If he stands there for an abnormal amount of time looking at you, well, worse things happen on the streets than a gentle appreciation of someone’s beauty. if he took a photo to remember it by, it’s no one’s problem, nothing worth any sort of alarm. His memory of doing so is hazy, and well, no one is very reasonable when they’re drunk, are they? It’s not a crime for him, in his inebriated state, to default to trying to preserve the moment.

Kyle gets back to the flat assigned to him, the air tastes like regret and he kicks his shoes off by the door and chugs tap water for thirty seconds. He doesn’t sleep in the bed, but lays facedown on the couch, shutting his eyes hard, dragging the golden glow of that window into heaven into his sluggish mind. He dreams of his own flat, warm and familiar, filled with a soft laughter that seems to emanate from the walls before his hand slips into another’s.

When he wakes up, it’s not weird of him to look into where he was. Maybe he really liked that bar, or just wanted to call and check in to see if Ghost wasn’t feeling vindictive enough to leave Soap laying around blacked out. If you were looking over his shoulder, you wouldn’t even be able to tell he was getting the address of that apartment building. He was just getting to know the layout of the city, and if that left room for a few logical leaps, it isn’t creepy to not look into something. It isn’t.

[ghost-of-a-system]

hi, we are autistic and also have aphantasia and alexithymia.

and we where wondering what you guys do when you don't know who's fronting, like that limbo of bodily autopilot where nothings going on inside the head and we all just blend together into an incoherent mess

we can't tell if someone new is fronting or if we think we are faking it again.

thanks

hey, thanks for reaching out! im not sure if we have alexithymia; we dont know much about it. but we do have aphantasia and autism, so ill try my best.

i think its an autism thing, but we mask a whole heck of a lot around basically... everyone but each other. if you or someone else is unsure what i mean by "masking", its basically just altering (no pun intended...) your behavior in order to outwardly appear "normal" to other people. pretty sure it can be both manually done or subconsciously. its usually subconscious for us personally. but for us, this "persona" we mask as is kinda hard and unnecessary to describe, but the point would be that it isnt really similar to any of our alters. we also do a lot of mirroring others, as in, involuntarily copying their personalities, speech patterns, etc., which plays into our masking.

when we are blurry or more "on autopilot" as you described, we tend to revert to this even more. since there isnt a distinct enough alter around to, at the very least, hog our train of thought, our brain just defaults to that masking persona. but this still happens a lot when we do know whos fronting; they subconsciously mask/mirror so much so that their identity becomes indistinguishable to even them. in all honesty, this usually doesnt go away until we either are alone again or something triggers someone specific out (sorta snapping us out of the masking for a bit). sometimes the someone specific is even who was fronting before good ol masking took over; it just kind of grounds them to their actual self instead.

overall it just makes it impossible for us to tell when we are just genuinely blurry or just masking to the max. we usually just default to assuming that were blurry until enough clarity kicks in to say otherwise.

as far as the "thinking it could be a new alter" thing, we definitely relate to that too. we kinda have a whole, system in place (no pun intended...?) to help with that. when it comes to masking, particularly mirroring, we typically mirror other people/characters/etc. to the point that we genuinely feel like a new person. oftentimes to the point that we feel like we are them. many times in the past its so intense that it puts us under the impression that theres a new person to add to the bunch.

i think one of us has talked about it in the past here, but im too lazy to go fishing for it. basically, we might log it, like in our simply plural, usually. keeping the profile on private and just logging that this potential new guy is fronting. we usually give it a week or two to see if they ever front again or if we can still 'feel their presence' later on, in simple terms. for us, majority of the time theyre gone, 'cause they never existed to begin with. but thats just because we mirror so much and so intensely, not sure if thats something other systems can relate to. we also just arent a large system, and while it isnt uncommon for us to split, its even less common that they stick around past a week or two.

its a weird cycle. but it doesnt mean youre faking or anything. just one of the weird ways things mix, especially being a system and having something like autism. they dont always function separately, at least in our experience.

-s

[coveredinredpaint]

Im an aspiring punk here ive wanting to start making my own stuff maby start a batle jacket or patch pants or somthing but those projects sound a bit intimidating. Do you have any recmondations on a good place to start?

hey ey!

to begin sorry for the late reply, i got a lot going on currently

to begin id advise collecting inspo for what kinda jackets/pants you want first. i use pinterest, tumblr and etsy to find inspo for my diy stuff. i like to sketch out different designs for my projects before making them, so i can try out what fits and what doesnt.

to practice id say starting by making patches and sewing them (use dental floss, its cheap and incredibly strong and durable) on for example a bag is the simplest way to introduce urself to patchmaking and sewing. i advise using the whip stitch to sew them on. when youre a bit more confident in ur skill level one of the easiest projects to start is a battlevest, since its mostly flat and straight fabric its easy to sew on and modify. most people find denim more difficult to sew on cause of its sturdiness but i prefer it for exactly that quality, it prevents the fabric from moving/stretching too much

you dont need expensive supplies, even stuff that might be seen as trash is very useful for punk diys, some old cloths and acrylic/fabric paint will already be enough for patches. i got a tutorial on my blog for stenciling them (let me know if you want me to link it). soda tabs can be used to make buttons/pins, chainmail, chains, and so much more. bottlecaps can also be made into different types of buttons/pins and chains (and more stuff i cant think of rn). you can get chains for cheap from hardware stores, id also keep an eye out for those chain dog collars in yardsales and such, theyre often very good quality (i got 3 all secondhand).

on that note, where can you find ur stuff for projects?? i get almost all my stuff secondhand. ive got at least 4 thriftstores nearby, and there are often fleamarkets around my area, which i always try to go to when i have the chance. fleamarkets are often announced in local newspapers or on posters around town. you might also find em by googling ur towns name and then "fleamarket" or "yardsale". if you live in a remote area where these things just dont exist i advise asking family/friends if they got old stuff they wanna get rid off. or to use online secondhand stores like vinted or depop (altho depop sellers often overprice, keep an eye out for cheap deals) for stuff you really cant get secondhand like spikes etc. i advise etsy. also if youre US based studsandspikes.com has tons of different spikes for cheap.

an important thing to remember is that your stuff wont and doesnt have to look perfect. your stuff will be messy and sometimes a project totally doesnt end up how you want and thats okay. fuck around and find out!

[thespacewithin]

Do INFJ’s get hurt easily?

There's a secret most infj's dont tell others, or sometimes they themselves aren't concious of it.

When you observe infj's, there are a few signs that stand out from all the rest. Infj's are deeply driven to live a full and inspired life, they want to experience meaning and beauty to its absolute core, and they also perceive the deep, beautiful, and painful emotions entangled in the human experience. This makes them very intense people. If you've ever had an infj open their heart to you, it is an intense experience. They have a passion for affection that's unique.

When I say see, I mean they can observe other people and pick up the smallest emotional details of their lives, building a theme of what that person is experiencing, has experienced, and at times…what they may experience in the future. They don't just perceive the theme of anothers sorrows and anguish, but also the details, painting a picture of others with a pallette of colors and a variety of brushes. If they can see someone is lonely, they might add a whole plethora of other characteristics, such as that same person being kind, or defensive, insecure, tying all of these emotions together into a holistic picture.

This is a beautiful trait of Ni+Fe, and no other personality sees emotions so clearly. While infj's do this, they rarely outwardly articulate what they see, preferring to keep their knowledge internal, and adjusting themselves to act in a way that's fitting towards those they observe. (I want to emphasize that this ability is a good trait of infj's, they are not “wrong” for being this way, their emotional perception is a blessing.)

They do this for a few reasons. Infj's have learned that if they manifest what they know, it has a massive impact on the other. In addition, what infj's perceive is difficult to articulate, as it exists in an emotional, ethereal realm, and concretely explaining what you see to others is hard to find the right language for. Worse yet, there are times that if the infj spoke bluntly the other person would not be emotionally aware enough within themselves to grasp the depth of their own experience.

This puts infj's in a position where they can genuinely see others, but rarely connect with them at the level in which they see. This isn't a small problem, when you mine into it, the deeper you go the darker and more painful it gets. Every infj, at one point in their lives, attempted to connect with another at this level, and at the least it's likely they experienced a sorrowful lack of reciprocation. When they did, the infj was innocent, trying to express their real selves, only to be misunderstood, burnt, or rejected. This happens all the time for infj's, and it leaves them extremely lonely. To have such a big heart with no avenue to express yourself makes you feel completely unseen. This is why infj's are social chameleons: They cannot trust that if they're their authentic selves, they will be seen or accepted. In reality, this is true. The vast majority of personalities *cannot* see and understand infj's. Very few can. Infj's dont just feel misunderstood, they *are* misunderstood. This is because Ni insights are a one way street, those who don't have Ni cannot reciprocate the understanding that comes from it, and that understanding just happens to be deep, rare, and hard to articulate.

Optional reading to know why deep infj connections are rare:

(Because Ni/Ne revolves around meaning and beauty it is deep. Only 4 personalities share Ni in top slots, with an additional 4 possessing high Ne traits. The enfj is well positioned to see and care for infj's, but at the expense of a logical connection. Trickster Fe puts an interesting spin on intj's. Intj's can build intellectual connections, but theyre amongst the worst personality to develop deep emotional connections with, although it appears in some cases this isnt always true. Entj's with a developed Inferior Fi have the capacity to understand infj's emotionally and intellectually, but infj's will have a hard time understanding entj's because of Trickster Te. Therefore, of the 16 personalities, only a few others are equipped to meet infj's emotionally where they're at, in the deep, beautiful, and true realm of Ni/Ne insights, and four of them lean heavily towards Thinking traits. These make up 2.5% (enfj), 1.7%(entj) and 2.1%(intj)of the population (5.3%), as well as Ne users. Entj's don't develop Inferior Fi until 30+ years old, if at all, so it would be rare and require exact timing/development for this pair to form a strong emotional connection, although I imagine the safety infj's can provide may expedite this blooming. Infj's can form various other connections with people, but not at the deepest levels of Ni/Ne. Because these numbers and connection implications are real, they're explanatory to the infj's feelings of isolation.

There's a concept that needs to be grasped here:

*If nobody can see you, then you are nothing.*

But if somebody can see you, then they are everything, but that everything never comes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you bleed, no matter how much you give.

Herein sits the very core of the infj's sorrow. They feel like they are nothing because nobody can see them the way they see others. Suffice to say this is typically true for all personalities on one level or another, but because infj's see deeper and emotionally, it affects them more profoundly. At least a magnitude larger than any other personality. The rarity of infj's amplifies isolation. An infj's Parent Fe inclines them to need someone they can love, which is unique amongst the parent functions, and they love fiercely.

Because of this, infj's have an acute empathy for the pain of others, particularly with lonliness and castigation, because lonliness and castigation is the default life experience of infj's, at one level or another. Now, they not only see people, but they also embody others pain *through themselves*. This is why they're referenced as having a martyr vibe, but it comes from sincere experience: They seek to “save” others in emotional pain because *they know* what it feels like.

The innocent logic of Ti struggles to make sense of why infj's aren't accepted when they readily understand and accept others. Because this is a deeply painful experience, infj's reason that one can become valuable if they learn specific skills, and they're at risk of seeing people's value according to what they do, because infj's are not valued for who they are. Because of this, every infj has put effort into developing a special talent(s), and they are often perfectionistic and critical towards themselves in this pursuit because of the pain that underlies it. If only they could be perfect at what they do, then maybe their value could be recognized. This is wrong. Infj's are valuable for who they *are*.

This is why they can end up with narcissists, or other scarred people, because *more than anything, they can deeply connect with anothers pain, because this is what they know and experience. *

So are infj's easily hurt? Not particularly, but singularly: If you represent hope to an infj in terms of actually seeing them and caring for them in return, and if this hope is diminished in any way, it will be deeply painful, sometimes even fatal.

Infj's know this, and that is why they choose a very few number of people to actually open themselves up to, they need to first trust that they can, but because they often pick those who are hurting, the odds of them finding a person whos in pain but not maladaptive *is significantly lower*. Not only do they pick those who are hurting, but often these people have no real wavelength in which they can reciprocate deep empathy or understanding, because Ni+Fe is unique in this, and only a handful of other personalties have the functional sophistication to perceive infj's for who they are at core levels.

After being burnt a few times, infj's decide not to try anymore, and you can't blame them.

This is why they find it difficult to find longterm relationships, why they can tend to end up alone. Sometimes they end up alone even while in a bound relationship, suffering, and remaining to be unseen. The world cannot understand or accept the deep, intense and childlike love infj's wish to give, and it's a sorrow that burdens the subconcious of the infj daily. The plaguing thought ringing in stillness echoes “Nobody loves me”.

In the deepest recess of the infj's heart, they're intimately aware of this, and within this realm, you can easily hurt them. In a sense, the love infj's wish to give and receive isn't an ideal, it's a reality of how love *should be experienced*, it's not the concept that's wrong, it's that there are just very few people who can fathom, experience, and share love at this depth. In reality, other people who lack this depth aren't wrong either, they just don't have the potential within themselves to experience love in these terms. There's something fascinating to realize about this exchange. Inasmuch as the possibility of exchanging love at this level appears very rare for a variety of the above stated reasons, at least *it is* possible for a smaller group of people. I haven't quite figured out the limit, but it's very possible that the full depth of this love can only be shared with other Ni users, a deeper but not the deepest level with Ne users, and the least levels with Sensors, as this represents the different functional potentials embodied from conceptually deepest to conceptually nonexistent, remembering that an ideal can only be fathomed and boundless within the realm of potential and imagination *before* it can become manifest in reality. So then it's not the ideal then that's wrong, but in the same way a jewel is rare and not common, so is the full experience of this ideal. This is the nature of how it appears to me, and I believe my grasp of the dynamics is fairly accurate. In many ways, infj's can conjure love in idealistic terms from Ni, and then actually implement their affections via Fe, which is nothing less than extraordinary. One can imagine why not having this reciprocated feels like a serious loss.

I counsel infj's to only seek those who can see you as a first priority, and don't be lured by another person's ache. You must be sure you are being seen *first* before even thinking about proceeding in relationships. You *will not* find many. It may take years, even decades, but they *are* out there. I understand there's a sense that if you cannot connect through pain, then the other can't fully understand your experience, and this is a legitimate concern. However, it should not be the driving factor in your relationships, rather, look for people who are gentle, kind, and generally able to intuitively connect, and then seek to connect through pain as a secondary goal. When somebody genuinely connects with you, you can't miss it, especially if it's in your own wavelength.

Also, please recognize that your ability to see people in this way is a real gift, truly. In a way your particular functions make you more alive than anyone, which is the cost of often feeling more grief than anyone. You have been chosen out of others to be this way. Your vision of what love can be is inspiring, and quite frankly everyone should adopt it, it's what we were created for.

Original post:

[itsaspectrumcomic]

this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

[kvothbloodless]

A incredibly weird problem I see in a good portion of fantasy stories these days is something Ive been calling "Inferna delenda est", and which my less pretentious friends (all of them) call "the hell problem". Its sort of something that, because its a genre convention, is almost always ignored, but once you see it, it cant be unseen.

I admittedly only started seeing this after reading UNSONG, which is literally About this problem. But now that its been pointed out, I cant unsee it elsewhere, and any media which runs into it but doesnt address it becomes almost entirely ruined for me.

The issue of Inferna delenda est is present in any setting which 1. Has real, proven afterlifes where most people literally go when they die and 2. Has one of those afterlifes be at all comparable to Hell, i.e. any place where a significant number of sapient creatures are tortured for all eternity.

If those two criteria are met, almost any plot becomes pointless and trivial. What does it matter that a hero saves a city from destruction when beneath their feet millions of people are burning, and many of those saved will join them? Who cares whether the ruler of a country is corrupt or not? The evil that would be stopped by replacing them with even a perfectly competent and benevolent ruler is staggeringly inconsequential compared to that of an eternity of torment.

Like, im not being vague or making an analogy here. Im just saying that its incredibly difficult to care about a plot to stop a war or kill an evil wizard when the story offhandedly mentions the fact that millions of people are 100% being tortured for eternity in a real place and no one is doing anything about it.

And even further, it makes it Really hard to view the heroes as...actual heroes. The degree of callousness required to keep the existance of hell in the background (from an in-universe perspective) is just ridiculous. Like, if youve got your high fantasy hero saving an entire continent from an evil demigod or whatever, the fact that theyre Not constantly thinking about hell is just... if you have that kinda power, and you literally know for a fact that Hell is a place, then you should be fucked up about it!

Like I can understand that growing up in that setting youd be resigned to it, not much a random soldier or whatever can do about it. But once they become super powerful? And they never even Mention Hell? That much callousness automatically moves you down a few notches from hero.

Obviously in a lot of settings hell just sorta Exists, and soul sorting is vague, but even then like. Break into Hell! Rescue people or at least relieve their pain! Its just so insane that the worst thing literally imaginable as a physical place (maximum pain that lasts literally forever with no hope of relief) is a staple of lots of fantasy settings and so many authors just do not in any way address that.

And like I said, its not that theyre writing Poorly because of this. Its a genre staple, and if you dont give it too much thought it doesnt seem to be an issue, especially given [gestures vaguely in the direction of christianity and its popularization of the concept of hell]. But god now that its been pointed out it drives me Nuts.

Anyways idk where i was going with this. Read unsong, i guess?

[rknchan]

HAPPINESS CHARGE PRETTY CURE LOVE POST

i just finished hcpc and i really enjoyed it !!!!!! its not going to be some kind of deep analysis i just gonna be silly about things i like in hcpc

THE CHARACTERS i adore each and every one of them (except for namakeruda i wanna punch him with lovely punching punch)

MEGUMI CHAAAN shes so precious to me !!!! so pure so truly lovely her desire to make everyone happy is so heartwarming megumichan always puts a smile on my face whenever shes on screen ^^

i saw people thinking shes mary sue but i cannot agree :c for me marysue is a character so perfect that theyre unbelievable (!)

and megumi IS believable to me . people like megumi do exist,,,,, and she has more serious flaws than being clumsy and bad at studying;

shes all about helping others but cares about herself little, when shes suffering her pain is hidden behind a smile to the point she can't resist her pain anymore, she worries about being weak and her help is not needed - altruistic people like megumi often experience this feelings too

also she reminds me of my fav person </3 and she motivates me to become a better person myself and believe in love and happiness,,, sorry it sounded cheesy but its true.. thank you megumi ^^

HIME HIME HIME my blorbo !!!!! at the beginning her anxiety and arkwardness, feeling of being not worthy enough to be a precure, escaping from problems felt so relatable :c and it felt so good to see her grow. the moment when she saved iona was so powerful. i wish we saw more of her family when she returned to blue sky

btw i love meguhime as friends and as a pairing theyre so pure so cute they care for each other so much awwww,w,w,,w,w,w, *holds them gently*

YUKOO precious rice bean and the most canonical lesbian of hcpc

i love her rice song its cute and catchy i often chant it ahhahaha

also i like how she always wants to keep peace, to befriend villains and give them love they lacked !!! "why keep fighting if we can eat delicious rice together" SAY THIS LOUDER QUEEN HONEY shes so based for this

i can't say much about iona maybe ??? shes a deep and realistic character and her story with cure tender makes me cry but tbh she put me off in the beginning as it was uncomfortable to watch her being harsh on hime (tho its justified)... but she grew a lot too ,,,,

i expected to dislike seiji but actually he was such a nice character and a loyal friend who actually has chemistry with megumi and role in the plot

QUEEN MIRAGE is my fav villain ever and tbh i can even relate to her

deranged traumatised emowoman ily

the story of her relationship with blue breaks my heart ... the moments when she still wants to be loved by blue but cant resist her anxious thoughts and red's manipulation... HER PURIFICATION SCENE WHEN ALL THE CURES COMFORTED MIRAGE;;;;; HER REUNION WITH BLUE;;;;;;;; sobs

the generals are so fun to watch :) dorks with goofy hats

hosshiwa remains my crush forever..... and oresky and namakeruda are just fuking silly smashing them smashing them

tho their final battle with the cures and their purification was such a deep and impressing scene

i love how brutal and creative was this season with its attacks. lovely punching punch <333 lovely beam <33 princess bullet machine gun <333 let cute girls do some violence

and their innocent form attacks are just beautiful

hcpc is often criticized for its repetitive designs and i sorta agree... but at least they were creative with international cures designs (aloha and bomber girls are my favourite, also im glad to see a cure from my country !!!! cure katyusha <3) and form changes AND FOREVER LOVELY DESIGN JUST SLAYS. SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITERAL ANGEL

also maybe theres a meaning behind the similar designs??? like, all the cures all over the world have similar costumes and it can symbolize they have a lot in common, theyre unite, they are a million-cure team .. while the phantom generals are all different, there's nothing uniting them, there's no team spirit or friendship between them

also the soundtrack is so good and catchy !!!!! i adore the opening and the rice song (and especially honey and hosshiwa's song battle) and the innocent song !!!!

i love the message of hcpc that everyone is worthy to be happy and loved, even if youre in deep despair, disappointed in life, thinking you'll never be loved and thus love is worth nothing - someone is always going to be here for you

but at the same time it points out that love can be a destructive force (red, mirage, dark seiji), that its impossible to be happy all the time, that feeling pain and hate is valid

sorry it turned out so long i hope i could share my love for happiness charge with you ,,,,,

i love you megumi i love you hime i love you yuko i love you iona i love you blue i love you red i love you mirage i love you seiji i love you masukomio i love you phantomu i love you hosshiwa i hate you namakeruda i love you oresky I LOVE YOU HAPPINESS CHARGE

[prompts-weight-in-gold]

     text prompts stolen from my groupchats p. 4

[text] i just came here to fix my insecurities not to like improve myself as a person [text] you’re gonna get a good grade in being a special little white girl [text] *snaps my bones to make me sharper* that beast is goin down  [text] it could also be that I’m hallucinating but isn’t that just a symptom of womanhood anyway [text] i have no connection to reality and my untethered existence to anything but the void will either be a curse or a blessing and i dont know if i have any sway over which it decides to be [text] wig? on what cause? [text] im making a discord channel no one can post in just to pretend i can ever get some peace and quiet around here [text] im making all pokemon latino now. dúskul [text] noooooo baby dont restrict my use of internet shorthand ur so sexy aha [text] all men are clowns one way or another might as well find one who knows it [text] move over asimov's laws 'no significant crimes' is here to fuckin party [text] es siempre la hora de morbo [text] the face distracts while the hands attack [text] wow you would talk about history when you know colonialism took history away from me? [text] im not getting into heaven but i will be ready to court the devil with my sultry words [text] if you can’t find an emo in the wild, but have some patience, you can always just kill a smiley kid’s parents then wait [text] blonde bitpulls are still poc (pets of color) theyre just light skin [text] you’re handsome but also look like someone who forgets their wallet a lot [text] these devilish indulgences are the delights of the bourgeoisie while my proletarian citizens starve [text] at least ur keeping him off the streets [text] if i go too long without moisturizing i can physically feel my skin file a complaint. like before i even get dry i get the sensation of my cells pulling out lil pens to fill out a form [text] he has whiskers on his face i always thought naruto was a catboy [text] i couldn’t even give up cussing for ramadan so... [text] switching apps is the new walking through a doorway [text] god is real and he likes to make me suffer in new and mundane ways [text] on this day chaos has lost a finger of its chokehold grip on humanity’s pulse [text] a divorce is just a permanent block [text] if you say that to me again ill pull out your tattoo [text] if people have to see me they have to really see me [text] am I not coherent enough for you???? do you know who I am???? [text] the rules are mere crumbs and we are the cosmic brooms sweeping them under the rug of possibility [text] first point? amazing, flawless, wonderful. second point? stop appropriating gothness

[system-of-a-feather]

How do you know when you've finally achieved a "remissed" state? I keep wondering if my system has finally settled in a state of "functional multiplicity" but I'm hesitant to use that because I know I still have a lot of trauma processing to do and unknown alters who show up every now and then. But it's no longer necessarily distressing, I know how to handle flashbacks and how to help these new alters and my life has otherwise stabilized a lot.

I feel there isn't really a hard definition for this. I was going to say "final fusion is a lot more clear cut" but honestly? As a person who has also finally fused and has honestly been sitting in that for like two weeks more or less straight, even that can be pretty "hard to notice".

And I know - cause I was there - that from the perspective of someone Not There and/or hasnt realized they are there yet that it sounds very anti-intuitive or wrong, because "How would I NOT notice everything fusing into one identity? Wouldnt that be obvious that I'm NOT me?"

But no, its not really obvious, at least not in my experience. In my experience, by the point you start to get closer to final fusion / functional multiplicity the amount of which DID-symptoms (primarily alters, switching, and amnesia) call for much attention or care to be cognoscente of becomes really small and rather nonconsequential. It becomes a lot easier to just exist among your parts and casually let whoever wants to front whenever without too much internal communication or checks and balances or really any cognitive effort.

By the point when switching and amnesia is so not-distressing and minimally invasive, its very easy to fluidly switch between parts and the trust within each part is so large that you really don't have to ask them or communicate as explicitly to make sure they are on the same page as you and will do the best to respect you and your needs as a part.

By that point, trying to keep track of who is fronting and switching and everything - while definitely possible and something we do a lot, particularly when we are not 'roosting in Fei' - can sometimes become a bit of a hassle (not always, sometimes its fun as well when we are just chatting with eachother) and by that point its kind of like... trying to keep track of who is in the lobby of a massive hotel. It can be a bit exhausting, so even when not in Final Fusion, you just kinda stop caring and just go about your life trusting that whoever is out there is probably having a good time and that you don't really mind Not Being there.

Or hell, maybe theyre out there and you wanna be out there with them and chill thats awesome, but again - it doesn't really matter and that internal vigilance over identity and self just is so so so so tiny

And I guess now that I'm writing it, I think that - in my opinion - is the best tell that you are probably at functional multiplicity; is that if genuinely that internal vigilance among yourself, parts you know, parts you know you don't know, possession of the body, switching, etc is really just so so so nonconsequential and such an afterthought to your existence, I think that is probably the best indicator of really any remissed state.

In my opinion the key difference between Final Fusion and Functional Multiplicity is just a matter of how much you engage with yourself as seperate parts versus as a very relaxed and constantly flowing beach.

For me, Functional Multiplicity - at the point of healing that I am now - takes a little bit of mental energy (not a lot, its largely negligible most of the time and we tend to prefer to be closer to the functional multiplicity end a lot of the time) to be that aware of what part is out and if I should get a different part out or if I think someone else would enjoy the moment better. That said, the small amount of mental energy put into that often gives me a lot more insight into myself as I can talk and engage and enjoy life with my better halves / quarters / thirty-ths / etc. It also opens up for more specialized enjoyment of activities, perspectives in life, and engagement in skills. Being at Functional Multiplicity allows me to control and specialize what part of me is presenting at what point in time and live in the moment as my best self for the moment.

On the other hand, Final Fusion is so serene and existing in it is like the coming and going of waves on a beach. Every so often you go "hey thats XIV" or "lol hey thats Riku" or "lol yep theres Chunn" and sometimes those waves are basically just that part fronting, but everything is so damn connected that even if you know that line came SPECIFICALLY from that specific part, hell even if that whole activity was primarily from that specific part, everything is SO damn connected that its still >you< it is still the Beach, that was just a fucking GNARLY wave of XIV or Riku or Chunn or etc

Thus why even though we've been sitting in Fei for like two or so weeks now, you can often see a second tag with it. If a wave is predominant, we will tag it, but *shrugs* it don't matter cause in the end its our overall whole that is here the most.

Final Fusion also has its amazing perks like actually Not having to Discuss much at All. Which as much as I LOVE talking to my parts explicitly and having banter and all, sometimes when life is stressful or I'm over worked or burnt out or what not, sometimes I really would just rather have some simplicity in life and just be able to know and speak for myself without having to go through a counsel.

But back to the point of the question, I think the best way to tell is to just generally reference how much internal vigilance you have over yourself, your system, your concept of identity and self, and see where you fall on that.

An alternative perspective to that same measure is just really, how much do you deeply and internally trust yourself (as a whole) on an emotional level to do the best for yourself and to absolutely never intentionally neglect yourself? How much blind faith - no if ands or buts - do you have in yourself? Do you feel there is any possible part that you don't know of that could in there that you couldn't handle or that would cause you really any notable amount of distress? Does thinking about parts that you don't know stress you out? Do you think there is a world where - for any meaningful or substantiated period of time - any part of you would ever intentionally put themselves wholely before another part?

Are you your first and foremost ally all the way through in and out? Do you feel decently comfortable answering these questions for the system and do you feel decently confident that - even without explicitly asking them - that you can advocate for all parts on these questions?

This isn't to say that if you DON'T check all these off that you AREN'T at a remissed state or anything, because honestly, I didn't realize or even get some of these checked off until AFTER my therapist pointed it out to me and I sat and thought about it. But its some nice food for thought and questions to think about and talk about among yourself because those topics have honestly created some of the most healing and solidification after realizing we were "kinda at functional multiplicity" that had really helped unify us even further than before. (below the cut is more directed towards the ""anon"" themselves)

[**Disclaimer at the end regarding parts underneath this mark**]

Most importantly though, I believe strongly in the principle of self determination (<- this is not a clinical or official thing in literature, its a term and topic I use within my therapy, internal interactions, and what not that is based on my own personal opinion / view of DID; this is not scientific and entirely peer / experience based) - at least in late stage recovery - so if you feel you might be at functional multiplicity and you genuinely emotionally feel as though you are on the fence, I don't see why you shouldn't believe you are at functional multiplicity.

It is a little more risky of a game to play in earlier stages of recovery, but considering I know who asked this cause they DMed me 2 seconds later, if you are not prone to notable bouts of denial or using denial as a means of repression, why WOULDN'T you be at functional multiplicity?

The label is pretty loose and subjective and if you want to be at functional multiplicity, claim it, believe it, dedicate to it, and I feel the DID subconscious brain - so long as it is within it's genuine realm of plausibility and believably - will let it be.

So to the anon that I know, I personally am of the non-professional completely-peer opinion that if reading this, you still feel you really really might be at functional multiplicity, say FUCK IT WE BALL, and just take that label and smack it on your face. If you are close enough to functional multiplicity to read through this and still go "maybe we are" then you are close enough to "kinda fake it till you make it".

That's just to say that if you say you are at functional multiplicity, I'd absolutely believe it and accept it, but also that if you said you weren't, I'd also absolutely believe it and accept it. Define who you are based on your genuine truth and where you'd like to be go for it. If you have good reason to believe you are at functional multiplicity and you want to be at functional multiplicity and that you feel you are willing to genuinely believe you are at functional multiplicity, make the claim and be at functional multiplicity.

--- [DISCLAIMER]

**These last few paragraphs (below disclaimer mark) are primarily targetted to the anon cause I know them, and there is a lot more nuance to the topic as well as limits to the extent it can work and trying to take it as a "this is completely impossible to missuse" can be risky. So I do want to put a disclaimer that if you are not in mid to late stage recovery and/or have not gotten over the "fakies" or have parts that try to rush things or "rewrite the narrative at the expense of other parts" - the principle of self determination is not something I'd recommend as it can be used for harm as well if not done authentically. It is important to acknowledge this is completely based on my own experience, opinion and perspective of DID that is NOT substantiated past my personal experience. Take this with a large grain of salt.

[angels-and-glitters]

I need to COMPLAIN.

This is gonna sound edgy nerdy not so girblogger coded but let me getto out of my silly girlie pop character for a minute i am RAGING.

For context two days ago i suddenly remembered that WEBTOON exists after trowhing it in a black hole in my mind, so i re download it and i start reading one. Apart from the endorphines i forgot a good webtoon gave me,

(whole other talk about redescovering old intrests !!!even if they look silly!!! when you feel a dry mind)

I finished it in a couple of days, and as i usually did when concluding a webtoon, a comic or any possible thing i liked, i start looking for the edits so i can imagine myself being in that universe while playing them.

(its a physical need i swear)

(No judgment let me being a cringy kid at the sound age of eighteen thanks)

(Its a guilty pleasure.)

Getting to the point. I am in DISAPPOINT.

What the fuck are these dry stupid no personality rage triggering edits.

They are MID.

Feel free to be' offended i stand where i stand

What the hell are these kids doing!?!

I had to scroll through YEARS to find the good ones.

So i started my reaserches.

First of all, i got to the sad conclusion that instagram edits are going through extinction.

Back in the days (☝🏻) when tik tok (musically for the ancient) wasn't that big of a thing for edits, you went on instagram (at least i did!!) And they were TOP TIER.

Masterpieces.

I would've hanged them on my walls if they were physical.

They were energetic, fresh, powerful, you could tell who's edits were by they're style because the editor's styles were so different one another.

They fitted the medias perfectly and don't let me start on the transitions.

They were immaculate.

Perfect to the millimeter.

These type of edits made me immerge in the media even more, i had my favourite edits saved, (a LOT), and i watched them every night before going to sleep multiple times, they were a lullaby to the mind.

But on my trip to these new (and few) Instagram edits... I was horrified.

First of all, no character whatsoever is put in these digital scums, the personal style is gone.

Probably due to these ages generations who wants to look the same be one another fit into something precise (I dont have the strength to start another fuss I'll just keep going with my silly polemic) but the transitions.

They are MID MID MID even terrible.

Actually I hate them.

There is not an ounce of effort in those disturbing sliding of images.

There isn't flow, variations,good blends. They all look like they were made by 10 year olds (wich is prob the case) and don't tell me oh it's just the age they'll learn as they grow.

No.

I want the twelve year old freaks that edited like it was they're last day on earth.

Like theyre life depended on it.

Where did they go?!?

What's wrong with this generation? why didn't they pick up the heredity theyre ancestors gave them?

Why did they throw it all away?

Why are they descending into this madness abyss?

And the music choices.

Disgusting

They never match the mood of the fiction, or worse the mood of the edit itself.

And honestly they're just boring ass songs.

Now, what I said about these Instagram edits applies also for the tik tok ones, but with some differences.

First of all, because there's much more editors on tik tok now, luckily there are some exceptions.

Some good stuff that's going on, but for me it's still not enough. From the parameter of the golden age of edits, those edits are just.. average.

The average good stuff you save and lightly watch. Its hard to find an edit that makes you obsessed. It wasn't really back than.

And most of them still lack the personal style, that again, I think its crucial for the ideal enjoyment.

I also noticed that the capability of the editors changes based on wich media the edits are of.

Like for example the editors of jujutsu kaisen (dont ask me anything i didn't see it) aren't doing a so bad job.

Maybe because the target audience is older so are the editors, idk

But it still lacks something.

That sparkle that was there before

The one that made you crave to watch it again and again

Maybe it's just me who's lacking something I had before , and nothing else changed

In conclusion, I think the editing culture ended at the start of 2022.

Idk tell me you opinion so I don't feel crazy thanks!

(Sorry in advance for the bad english i'm not a native speaker or anything)

(Edit not sorry this is a masterpiece I should be employed somewhere my English is near perfection)

[starfxkr]

https://www.tumblr.com/starfxkr/749109522826739712/httpswwwtumblrcomstarfxkr748936673195360256

jj’s a nice guy (barely) until hes not and i love when writers such as yourself emphasize that (the mean streak!!!!!) jj and rafe both being estps make a lot of sense n their enneagrams are what *actually* make them different (jj being 7w8, rafe being 6w7, also theyre both choatic (rafe evil, jj neutral on the alignment chart) the thing with rafe is that when he gets triggered or faced with adversity he gets tunnel vision and just steamrolls through everyone with only one goal in mind and no morals and all that untapped and undiagnosed mental disorders and his cozy and rich upbringing gives him a sense of entitlement— ward yapping in his ear and just being the antagonist makes you know hes definitely going to do something awful

jj on the other hand def has manic episodes courtesy of his run ins with luke during season 1. being trigger happy, stealing from barry, blowing all the money on the hot tub and generators etc. instead of his restitution, and the general recklessness and impulsivity was more than normal. he gets so mean bc hes scared underneath all that. he really wants to do the right thing at the end of the day but its so hard, especially with the life he has. i think the appeal is his ability to be both self sacrificing for the pogues (pope) and also a bit greedy and wanting his own benefits. hes able to do the dirty work for it and can blow his lid and get active with anybody, like he dgaf 🙂‍↕️ so me personally, id love to bitch out and give him that satisfaction of being able to control, intimidate, and be mean to me bc he needs that itch scratched. he loves the fight and battle for dominance bc thats all hes ever known, like yank n slap me around and get in my face so i say sorry!!!!!!

im so glad you mentioned that jj's barely a nice guy bc...yea he is. much of what we see is him actively choosing to be a good person because it doesnt come easy to him at all. i think at his core (or how he perceives himself at least) he's greedy, reckless, mean spirited and spiteful. he's constantly thinking everything shld be an eye for an eye (topper and rafe jump pope/jj convinces pope to sink the boat, barry robs them/he robs barry, etc etc) because he's used to his existence being a burden, he more than likely grew up thinking he was lucky he even had a roof over his head even though thats the bare minimum.

so i think he really craves moments where he can be the one in control, he's the one causing fear instead of the one being afraid and he's very similar to rafe in that aspect because if you look at rafe he is also very desperately afraid. he's afraid of being alone, of not having family, of not being trusted, of not having someone care for him.

but rafe has the thing jj doesnt: wealth. rafe is rich and wants to get richer and that innately instills a ruthlessness in him bc we know how rich people are. whenever jj's more callous, gluttonous side comes out it feels like a betrayal because he should be better than that but he isnt. these are two people completely ruled by their ID and the reason why jjs able to just barely keep it under control is bc while rafe may have money he doesnt have love but jj does.

and thats why i loveeee exploring his darker impulses because its rare he gets to indulge in them with no consequence. and i wanna let him do that! i wanna let him throw me around and be mean for once like u get me thats why i always write him as sort of flexing his hands when he gets mad because he wants to get physical and that little tick of his is a dead giveaway.

[silliest-heartaches]

I saw your Errorink headcanons

How do you think they would get along? (Because y'know, he destroys, he protects)

tbh aside from input from the creators that they would be canon friends (IN MY DREAMS) i have a lot of thoughts on why they would make great friends actually:

First of all, there is the idea that they have to make peace with the innevitability that regardless of what they do or how they feel about creation or destruction respectively, the balance will keep itself going purely because thats how creation and destruction of fanprojects irl work!! no amount of encouragemnt from ink or pestering from error are ever going to truly eradicate/permanently keep the growth of creations and aus in the multiverse!! I like to imagine its the same kind of silliness that good omens has (ie angel/demon being friends and maybe lovers just having the oppositr kinda jobs) except they both actually enjoy their jobs lol

I also like to think that the way they view the multiverse is not so black and white as they first may appear!! We already know that error DOES have aus that hes fond of and will not destroy bc he has a certain attachment to it, making us see that he isnt just some mindless killer who destroys for the sake of destroying (i forgot what his actual reason was aside from the anomaly stuff so in my head its bc all the multiverses mess with his code and overload his system which is why he hates anomalies sm ((including original ut funnily enough? Bc ig thats why his suffering happened in the first place (to me at least))) he is just selfish and wants everyone else to adjust to his comfort

For ink, he also views pretty much everything else aside from him as characters, and is thus not as connected to them as you may think. The reasons on why he protects these aus is kind of selfish (to refill his vials + the satisfaction of feeling like a real living being But More compared to other characters within their own universes) despite the good guy facade he tries to make himself have hes also inherrently selfish with his reasonings on why he wants to protect the aus in the first place

(i also wanna say that alongside all of what im saying ink genuinely does hold a lot of love for the aus and has a lot of fondness for certain characters aus etc, but it is very much in a fiction vs reality sorta way, bc thats how he views himself vs every one else)

except error. (well. sort of. but it kinda goes both ways. hes close enough)

tldr despite feeling that they are above it all and seperate from the aus and characters that they create (canon info for both i think) i think they can (and do) acknowlege that the world is bigger than them both despite those feelings and find themselves kindred spirits in the sense that their views and pov of the world is very similar on a base level and see eachother as equals because of it (something i dont really see personally with p much every other sans)

like yes other sanses and characters can be aware of and have beef with the multiverse in whatever way they can but none will ever be as innherently connected to the multiverse and what created them as much as error and ink do,,,bc to most everyone else, it is simply a part of their lives to move through aus with, comapred to errorink having the aus be their reason for existing and acting (the other guys drama being centered around different things much smaller in scale compared to error and inks whole deal being with the entire multiverse as it exists if im making sense)

also also theyre both described as immature and insecure so. i think they can have a lot of fun having childish banter thats cute and for the funsies (both dramatic jokey guys please hear me out)