#so its most certainly not comic accurate

[thewertsearch]

[ there was more to this ask, but some was spoilers 😆 - C ]

Ooh, that is a fun challenge! I might make this a bigger Title post, actually, because it's been a good while since we've had one of those.

...alright, I just finished, and this one kind of got away from me. I hope it's ok that I sort of hijacked your post to talk about Aspects as a whole - but rest assured, I did answer the original question. Let's get into it!

Unfortunately, it might be kind of difficult to make Class guesses. My theory is that they're Sburb's take on RPG party roles - and for obvious reasons, we haven't seen how any of the non-Player characters would fit into a Sburb party. A full analysis of the hypothetical Midnight Crew, Exile and Guardian sessions would be fun, but it's a little out of scope for this question.

Personality certainly seems to be a factor. I don't think it's a coincidence, for example, that the Seers are the most inquisitive members of their respective parties. Dave and Karkat both hide their true emotions behind a persona - but then again, so do Feferi and Jade, two happy-go-lucky Witches with incredibly dark backstories. Dave may be the worst offender, but half the cast is hiding behind some sort of facade.

John, for his part, doesn't seem to have anything in common with Equius - at least, nothing I can see. I might dig a little deeper for human/troll Class parallels once we've seen more of Equius and Feferi, but our sample sizes are so small that it's going to be hard to tell which shared traits are intentional.

Anyway, none of the other classes feature a pair of Players that I could toss into a Venn diagram, so we're at a bit of a dead end.

I suppose I could approach this from another angle, and try to extrapolate a Class from each character's life circumstances - for example, by speculating that Grandpa's inheritance of the Betty Crocker brand makes him a potential Heir - but that's clearly not an accurate method, given that literal heiress Feferi is a Witch.

See, Classes are a tough nut to crack! The main issue here is that the comic has given us very little to work with - it's been tight-lipped on Titles in general, and there's been almost no exposition on Classes specifically.

It might be easier just to try and assign Aspects to each of the non-Players - so that's what I'm going to do. I'll also take the opportunity to put forward my best guess for what each Aspect means.

Without further ado:

Time means time.

This one seems extremely straightforward. Not all the Aspects are quite so literal - Breath, for example, seems more closely related to wind than the body function it's named after - but Time is about engaging directly with its namesake. It may have other meanings as well, but we haven't seen any yet.

If you wield Time, then you're the session's designated time traveler - which is a lot less cool than it sounds, because it means you're on Doomed Timeline cleanup duty. Enjoy the corpse disposal!

Both of the comic's Time Players have fashioned their own personal time machines out of musical instruments. Music seems to have some connection to Time - which makes sense, since it's an art form of pitch, rhythm and beat. Music is time.

We can also talk for a second about Dave's Quest. As we'll see, each Land Quest seems to directly concern the Player's Aspect. Dave's Quest is to...

...um.

Well, one of these is Dave's Quest. The LOHACse is the only one of the two which is directly related to Time, but I've speculated that Dave's sword-in-the-stone quest will involve him rewinding Caledfwlch to an earlier point in its timeline. Plus, the Caledfwlch quest also speaks to Dave's Class as a Knight, so I think it's the real one.

For the sake of completeness, let's also talk about the Time Lands. Each Land always seems to feature one trait which either directly or obliquely references its Player's Aspect. LOHAC is self-explanatory, but Aradia's Land of Quartz and Melody is an interesting case, as its 'Aspect trait' could be either of its two descriptors. Quartz could reference the quartz in a modern clock, and Melody could reference the musical connection I mentioned above.

I can't think of any non-Players with particularly strong ties to Time - aside from the Felt and Lord English, who we know very little about. Let's say they're all Time Players, and English rules over them as a Prince of Time. As a mob boss and destroyer of worlds, he undoubtedly shares some of Eridan's megalomania.

Space... well, we actually don't have much for Space. We haven't seen Jade or Kanaya do anything with their Aspect, nor do we know anything about their Quests.

We do know that both Space Lands contain the Forge, so maybe there's something to that. Presumably it's going to forge something, and I think it's probably where you're supposed to create the universe. If your task is literally to create Space, it makes sense that a Space Player would take point - but that begs the question of what would happen in a session without a Space Player.

Maybe the game prefers a Space Forge, but it can spawn on another Land in lieu of one - or maybe Space is the 'default' Aspect, and it's actually mandatory in every session.

As far as Space's symbolism is concerned, my assumption is that it's as straightforward as Time, but we'll need to see more.

While I'm here, I guess I should dip my toe into this hot mess.

Yes, LOFAF's Space Word does appear to be Frogs. Yes, that does imply that Kanaya's was also Frogs, or something equally mysterious. No, I do not know what this could possibly mean.

These frogs are apparently heralds for their god, Bilious Slick, whose shadow has been looming over the comic for months now. I guess their appearance on the Space Lands implies that Slick is Space themed, which is at least consistent with my theory that he's the final obstacle between the Players and their universe.

Moving on, because I give up.

(Oh, and if anyone's a Space Player, it's Bec. You could also make an argument for Mom Lalonde, since her home was fitted with an observatory, but that's very tenuous. We don't know much about Space, so I don't know how else to tie a character to the Aspect.)

There's a lot going on with Light.

All Quests so far have had ties to the Player's Aspect, so whatever Jaspers thinks he's talking about here should have something to do with Light.

Jaspers... seems to be talking about different ways to represent information, and instructing Rose to find a particular DNA sequence. (I have to assume this isn't the MEOW sequence, because I don't think Sburb wants Rose to fill LOLAR's oceans with First Guardians.) So, it sort of looks like Light is information, doesn't it?

Well... maybe. See, things are are complicated by the fact that Dave's Quest above was also Knight-themed, so this spiel from Jaspers could be partially Seer-themed. How can we tell which is the Seer stuff, and which is the Light?

Recently, Rose said this, seemingly confirming that her Title is about information ('knowing shit'), and also implying that the 'knowing' is a Seer thing.

This allow us to compare her to Terezi, the other Seer. As we'll see below, she specializes in discerning people's personalities and motivations - literally, seeing into their minds - so it sounds like being a Seer is about perceiving or 'seeing' things that relate to your Aspect.

Rose, the Seer of Light, should therefore have an advanced perception of Light - but just what is Light? What can Rose see?

Well, she says she can see 'the big picture'.

I think Rose's powers allow her to zoom out, understand the broad strokes of a situation, and see how it all ties together - and I think that is the essence of Light.

Dave wonders how he's going to navigate the Furthest Ring's twisted-up space, so she scans the overall situation with her Light powers, and vaguely understands that it won't be a problem. Dave will be able to play his part.

However, if he asked why, exactly, it won't be a problem, or how he's going to do it, she'd be stumped. That's not her department.

I think I sort of understand what Light means now, but I can't think of a succinct way to describe it. The zooming-out Aspect, maybe? The everything-is-connected Aspect? The don't-sweat-the-details Aspect?

Guys, I think I'm starting to understand Homestuck!

Ah, shit.

Yeah, I don't know how Vriska or her powers slot into this interpretation. As the Thief of Light, I guess she'd be stealing... the bigger picture... from other people? And that lets her take their luck, somehow?

I guess when you give yourself 'good luck', you are sort of improving your situation in the general sense, rather than the specific. You don't know the details of how your luck will manifest, but you don't really need to - all you need to know is that it'll be good for you.

I don't know. This is getting messy, and more than a little abstract. I'm sure Vriska will be doing a lot of luck-stealing, so we'll hopefully learn more as we go.

At least the Land of Maps and Treasure fits Light-as-the-big-picture. A map is, literally, a big picture.

A flurry of disquieting happenstance is related to the ADORED SOVEREIGN. With no other options, her counsel is all that is left to be sought. Abdication is never ideal. But in the face of inevitable conquest, conceding ground can supply the only remaining advantage.

WQ, then, seems like a good fit for a Light Player. After listening to PM's full report, she seems to understand how the pieces fit together.

The Queen knows that Jack wants her dead, and clearly understands how dangerous a Player item can be, in the wrong hands. She doesn't know what's in the package, or what Jack will do with it - but she doesn't need to. She can see the writing on the wall, so she retreats.

I did a bit of Breath research for this post, and landed on the above quote. I think Breath is about direction and destination.

TT: John? TT: Are you there? -- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! -- EB: hey, yeah i'm here! EB: and not dead i think. TT: I know. TT: I've been watching you scramble through the house like a lunatic. TT: You should have answered me sooner.

John's a meandering kind of guy. He's wandered haphazardly around the session for three thousand pages, but he always seems to reach his goal. Despite not knowing where to go, he always seems to be where he needs to be.

John's Quest as the Heir of Breath has been explained in detail. He needs to unclog the pipes of LOWAS and defeat Typheus, freeing his Land's fireflies from their cloudy prison. In essence, John's Quest is to give these bugs a new direction, allowing them their full axis of movement once again.

There might also be some Heir stuff in this Quest, but its ultimate goal seems to align pretty well with that Breeze quote above, so I'm willing to accept it as Breath evidence.

AG: Have you ever tried to fly? I 8et you haven't! AG: How a8out we take to the skies, Pupa! AG: Hahahaha, oh you like that idea, Pupa? Yes, you do. I can feel it in your simple, mallea8le 8rain. AG: You want to fly so 8ad!

Breath might also have something to do with agency - or at least, the ability to choose your own actions. John's freedom-themed Quest isn't the only example of this - Tavros's entire arc is about how Vriska keeps denying him agency, while pretending she's doing the opposite.

(I'm going to avoid comparing Homestuck to other works, because this post is long enough as it is, so you're just going to have to imagine the twelve paragraphs of Deltarune meta that would otherwise be placed here.)

AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP,

Tavros just wanted to do his own thing. He wanted to ignore the game and float around Prospit, away from everyone's expectations - but he was denied this opportunity, again and again. It's no wonder that he's on a bit of a high right now, after being granted the freedom of his new robo-legs.

As for potential Breath Players - well, CD reminds me of John a little, but he seems a lot more likely to stay on task. I don't know what Aspect he'd be assigned.

Now - we're onto the Aspects we've only seen in trolls. We don't have as much for most of these, since we haven't seen any troll Quests, nor any Aspect powers sans Vriska and Terezi.

Terezi, the Seer of Mind, deals in personality - or maybe, more generally, vibes.

CG: WE'RE NOT EXILING JACK, HE'S COOL. [...] GC: [...] 1 DO NOT G3T 4 GOOD F33L1NG FROM H1M! GC: H3 K1ND OF CG: STINKS? [...] GC: W3LL GC: SORT OF GC: H3 DO3SNT SM3LL B4D 4CTU4LLY GC: H3 SM3LLS R34LLY CL34N 4ND SH1NY 4ND D4RK D4RK D444RK L1K3 4N O1L SL1CK 4ND TH3R3 1S 4 T1NY H1NT OF L1COR1C3 TH3R3 TOO GC: 1TS MOR3 L1K3 GC: TH3 W4Y H3 MOV3S GC: 1 SM3LL H1S SMOOTH MOT1ONS 4ND TH3 W4Y H3 SQU1NTS H1S 3Y3S 4ND 1T G1V3S M3 TH1S R34LLY N3RVOUS F33L1NG

When she smells someone, her Mind-enhanced perception doesn't just tell her what they look like - it also seems to communicate that person's essence. Terezi can see the idea of Jack Noir, here. She's smelling what it feels like to be inside his head.

GC: TH3 D4Y 1T H4PP3N3D W4S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3R H34RD FROM MY LUSUS GC: SH3 WOK3 M3 UP, 4ND 3V3R S1NC3 H4S B33N T34CH1NG M3 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO S33 GC: 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO P3RC31V3 3V3RYTH1NG 1 GU3SS, NOT JUST 1N 4 S3NSORY W4Y

Terezi is also a naturally perceptive person, so it's sometimes unclear whether her reads are due to Seer clairvoyance or her own deductive abilities. As a general rule, I'll only treat her insight as a Mind power if she explicitly refers to her sense of smell as its source, since that's the avenue for her supernatural perception.

GC: T3LL M3 YOUR R34L N4M3!!! >:[ TG: ok lets say its TG: dave why not GC: D4V3! GC: TH4T SM3LLS L1K3 TRUTH GC: 1 W1LL D3C1D3 TO B3L13V3 1T >:] TG: fuck

Therefore, I'm pretty sure her powers do, in fact, allow her to detect lies. Mind, then, might be related to the concept of truth - as in, your Mind is the truth of who you are, stripped of all illusions.

I was initially going to place Droog here, since he seems to be the only Crew member with his head screwed on, but I no longer think Mind is about being rational or analytical.

Blood is the first Aspect I don't really have a guess for. Maybe it's got something to do with genetics - Karkat is a carcinoGeneticist, after all, and a mutant to boot.

Spades Slick is blood brothers with a Knight of Blood, and he's got a lot in common with Karkat, commanding his party with a moderately annoying leadership style. I'll put him here on the strength of those parallels, and I can revisit it when Blood is explained.

We don't know much about Nepeta, so we don't know much about Heart. Shipping is all about drawing them, though, so maybe Heart is about romance - or, more broadly, relationships and connections.

Nepeta's Land of Little Cubes and Tea is a lolcat joke, so it might not conform to the Aspect Word pattern. I guess, since the cubes are sugar cubes, it might be a pun on 'sweetheart'? Who knows.

I'll put Hearts Boxcars here, and not just because of his name. He's the only member of the Midnight Crew with any interest in shipping.

Feferi revived Sollux with a kiss, so Life is probably healing, as it is in many other element systems.

How her Land of Dew and Glass relates to Life is a mystery. While dew can refer to condensation on any surface, it's often used to describe the water droplets which accrete on grass and other flora. That's kind of a connection to a living thing, but feels like a stretch and a half.

Let's also put Nanna here, since she's the only true healer in the cast. I don't know why the other sprites don't use the healing beam.

Our Void Player is in a Land of Caves and Silence - a hole in the earth, and an absence of sound. Void seems to represent negation, or a lack of something.

Also - this might be a reach, but Scratch describes the gaps in his clairvoyance as 'pockets of void', so perhaps Void also has something to do with uncertainty - aka, a lack of information.

Most of the Guardians could go here, really. Bro seems the best fit, since he's constantly hiding from Dave, and completely vanishes for most of the session.

When a timeline is marked for destruction, we say that it's doomed.

Doom seems to represent death, obliteration and entropy. Sollux Entered into the Land of Brains and Fire, and I think it's pretty clear that Fire is the trait which is tapping his Aspect.

Doom may also be the Aspect of prophecy. After all, Sollux is a prophet of Doom - so maybe he's a prophet because of Doom. It could also be related to his nature as a Mage, but Mages haven't been explained, so I can't speculate.

I originally thought that Sollux might be a Seer - but the Seer Class seems to be about gathering information related to a particular Aspect, rather than directly divining the future. Maybe a Seer of Time could see future events, but it's certainly not a default ability of the class.

Grandpa seems to have some ties to Doom. He prophesized Jade's death to her when he told her about her dead Dream Self - plus, he's a hunter, with a house full of corpses. Also, his entire presence in the session is overshadowed by the spectre of his future death. This is probably the Aspect guess I'm most confident in.

I guess there's also Hope, a brand-new Aspect with no lore. Eridan's 'hope' would seem to be expressed in the fact that he constantly hits on people, hoping in vain for a yes. Thankfully, we're not aware of any non-Players like that....

The mail is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."

...but PM is pretty much screaming about hope in her mail monologue, so we'll put her here.

ORDER IN THE COURT. YOU WILL HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURTROOM. IF EVERYONE DOES NOT SETTLE DOWN YOU WILL CLEAR OUT THIS COURTROOM, YOU SWEAR TO GOD.

It's hard to classify the Aimless Renegade. He's all about crime and punishment - which is certainly a Terezi trait, but I don't think it's a Mind trait.

As for Dad, he has a well-established gentlemanly personality, but I don't know what Aspect is the most 'gentlemanly'.

I could try and classify more obscure characters like FedoraFreak, the Pen-pal, Jaspersprite or the Hussie self-insert, but I'll tell you right now I don't have any guesses. Still, that was fun, and it was a good opportunity for me to update my thoughts surrounding the Aspects!

[canmom]

Animation Night 151: Modest and Immodest Short Films

Ahoy my friends! The hour is late, but not so late that we can’t watch a few films...

So. Lackadaisy huh.

I feel like you need to be in a somewhat specific age bracket of internet old to feel like that’s immensely significant. You need to be a webcomics bitch, basically. But from quite a specific era: the decade or so window between when webcomics looked like newspaper comics, and before the present era of webtoons. The Webcomics Review narrativises it as people who went to art school arriving on the scene in the mid-2000s, and that seems accurate enough. And of that crop, Lackadaisy Cats was certainly one of the biggest!

The concept is pretty straightforward. It’s a Prohibition-era crime drama set at a speakeasy that’s seen better days... and also everyone is an anthropomorphic cat. It was the beginning of the furry boom (Digger was a contemporary). But mostly... Tracy J. Butler could really fucking draw. You could say things like: clean, expressive designs with a lot of texture and depth and strong composition. (Not surprisingly, she’d worked in animation before drawing the comic.)

And compared to other comics whose selling point was the art such as The Meek and Dresden Codak, it also updated (if I’m remembering right) fairly consistently. It had archetypal characters, a very clearly defined aesthetic, and, compared to many webcomics of its era, a clear, accessible story. In short it read like a pro comic.

So it was natural for it to pick up steam.

Now, at some point I kind of stopped keeping up with most of the webcomics I read back then. Sure, some of them stopped updating, but others kept on going, sustained on merch and later, Patreon type sites. In that time, the standard of art in the scene went way up, the number of comics became so huge that there was no longer really a ‘shared context’ of webcomic readers, and manga scans and webtoons arrived in force. It is now almost impossible to build a new following with a webcomic, but you can do pretty well for yourself if you got in at the start.

Well, in the last few years a new phenomenon has developed out of that whole webcomic scene: the crowdfunded independent animated film. I wrote about this a bit back on Animation Night 117, with the biggest example being Vivziepop‘s works like Hazbin Hotel. In 2000, Lackadaisy joined in, running a kickstarter for an art book and maybe a short film if it did well. You can guess the rest of that story.

These films sit at an odd scale between ‘independent’ and ‘studio’. If you look at the credits of Lackadaisy, you’ll see a small army of animators and cleanup artists to exceed most TV productions (apparently the staff number in the 170s in total). The calls they put out for animators were demanding. And the lavish effort certainly shows! The makers of Lackadaisy set their sights on full animation, on-model, cleaned up and with an ambitious drawing count. Every scene is full of movement and acting. (There’s actually an interesting stylistic choice where construction lines are left in the final composite on many scenes.)

But in many other ways it was very unlike a studio production. One of the animators who worked on the short, Manu Mercurial, has put out a little making-of retrospective, which is pretty light on detail, but still gives some info. Since the production took place during the pandemic, it was completely organised over Discord, with animators posting WIPs and receiving feedback in full view of everyone else, and a director receptive to animators adding their own spins to shots. This apparently led to an atmosphere of friendly competition that was beneficial to the film as a whole.

Mercurial is full of praise for the film’s director Fable Siegel, who seems to have been the major organising force behind making this be an impressive, finished short film instead of just a bunch of artists hanging out in Discord. At least going off IMDB credits,  Siegel seems to have come to The Industry by way of participating in ‘Reanimated’ collabs on Youtube, before getting jobs on Hazbin and also Pendleton Ward’s experimental post-Adventure Time series The Midnight Gospel. (Right now their Twitter is a huge wall of Lackadaisy process shots if you’re curious.) Here’s an interview (by Toon Boom, so one of the questions is blatantly slanted to sell Toon Boom, but the rest is pretty interesting.)

The short film is presented as a pilot, and that is indeed how it plays out: a tour of all the major characters and dynamics of the comic/show, with a car chase, a set piece battle in a quarry, and a final wind down scene in the speakeasy itself which sets up the broader plot. It’s unquestionably very well executed. I’m certain it’s going to get a good few million views in the next few days alone, and maybe it will lead to a series. (Will it surpass Hazbin?). It’s got electro-swing, of course. SungWon Cho (ProzD) is in it, of course.

All the same... I wish it was weirder. Like something about Lackadaisy always feels like it’s playing it safe. It’s fun, it’s goofy, it’s charming... and that’s where it stops! For all that the creators like to talk about how we’re on the cusp of adult animation really taking off in America, the moonshine, and strangely ineffective guns, don’t really change the tone from the more mainstream animation. Bah humbug, etc.

Still, it’s unquestionably an extremely impressive work of animation and a sign of the way things are changing. I expect with all the animation studios laying off staff left right and centre, we’ll start to see a lot more like this.

That’s our first act! For our second...

Ian Hubert returns! I wrote briefly about him back on Animation Night 78. Hubert’s thing is compositing human actors into elaborate cyberpunk environments using Blender; his channel is full of ingenious tricks for creating impressive looking shots and effects with minimal geometry. What makes it work is Hubert’s eye for lighting and composition, knowing just where to place detail to sell a shot and what’s unnecessary for the camera.

The first episode of Dynamo Dream - which we’ll rewatch! - introduced us to a plant selling girl in some sorta cyberpunk megacity. After inadvertently saving out the weird cyborg landlord that runs her apartment, she gets a favour, which she calls on to contact her faraway boyfriend using a kind of missile launched phone terminal I guess? He invites her to come out and join him, but weird shit starts happening on the train. I haven’t watched this yet but I’m sure it’s going to deliver some fascinating visuals.

And then...

Modest Heroes is a collection of three short films by Studio Ponoc, a studio which spun out of Studio Ghibli. In the mid 2000s, the period that Ghibli could enjoy an exceptional state of employing lot of full-time salaried staff (instead of per project freelancers) was coming to an end. In 2014 it seemed they were on the verge of shutting down altogether. Yoshiaki Nishimura, lead producer of many of Ghibli’s films in the 2000s era (Howl - When Marnie Was There), left the studio in 2015, bringing in a bunch of ex-Ghibli animators under a new studio called Ponoc.

Their first film, Mary and the Witch’s Flower, apparently found it hard to define an identity beyond the shadow of Miyazaki (I haven’t seen it!), but things got a lot more exciting with their second. Modest Heroes is a collection of three short films, showing off a variety of ingenious approaches to animation. (It was originally planned to be four, but then Isao Takahata went and died while planning the segment on the theme of ‘death’... oof.) The writers of Animation Obsessive are big fans, and they’ve written two detailed, enthusiastic articles on two of the shorts in the collection.

Invisible, directed Akihiko Yamashita, is a take on the invisible man concept. Since the invisible man is, well, you know..., his entire existence must be communicated through interactions with objects and clothes. Yamashita hoped to communicate feelings and interior life. His invisibility is a metaphor for social invisibility, and thus it comes combined with other metaphors, such as weightlessness.

The idea came from Nishimura, who thought it was a worthy subject for an ‘animation genius’ such as Yamashita. Nishimura wanted the film to bring a kind of inventiveness that he felt was missing from the overly conservative contemporary anime. Yamashita, after leaving Ghibli, attempted to get by in the regular anime industry and found it unbearably strained. He returned to the fold to work on Boro the Caterpillar with Miyazaki, and this convinced him to follow Yamashita over to Ponoc.

The result is something gorgeous, with its emotional drama playing out against grimy desaturated backgrounds that are perhaps closer to something like Tekkonkinkreet than the Ghibli nature scene. Yamashita named quite a specific palate of inspirations...

As reference, Yamashita drew from Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men and Gravity, the films of Alejandro González Iñárritu and the manga of Junji Ito, among others. They contributed to the dark, unusual vibe and look of Invisible.

I’ve been wanting to watch this film for ages, here’s our chance!

Alongside that comes Yoshiyuki Momose’s film Samurai Egg (here’s the aniobsessive link again). Momose, the ‘right-hand man’ of Takahata, was one of the guys he leaned on to actually draw the storyboards of films like Grave of the Fireflies.

In contrast to the elaborate visual metaphor of Invisible, Samurai Egg is a very grounded film about a kid with a severe egg allergy. Takahata is famed as a realist, although a different sort than people like Okiura and Inoue who bring incredibly meticulous detail and well-observed acting to sci-fi scenarios. Certainly, Takahata would make films about ghosts and mythology, but he’d also make films like Only Yesterday that are much quieter, everyday dramas.

Despite sharing the everyday focus of, this film veers away from it into more expressionistic techniques, bringing in softer pencil effects to the anime cels, as well as techniques like 3DCG-rotoscoping. There’s a dance scene where Shinji Hashimoto gets to go nuts with shapes a la Ryan Woodward.

Momose took some pains to avoid being too sentimental with it; AniObsessive quote Nishimura in Animation Magazine:

When you make a film about a parent and a child, it’s easy to fall into the trap of showing a “heartwarming” relationship, and creating a cheap-feeling structure. We wanted to avoid that.

The film is pre-recorded - like Grave of the Fireflies, actually. (It’s the norm in the West, but rare in anime.) There’s some interesting linguistic nuance there:

It was necessary because Oko’s role called for something special. In a detail that’s lost on foreigners, Shun’s mom uses the Kishiwada dialect, which “sounds harsh, but you can feel the love behind it,” Momose said. It’s a cruder, shorter form of Japanese. They used it partly to fit more information into Samurai Egg’s 16-minute runtime, and partly to reveal the relationship she has with Shun. He’s a Tokyo kid — he speaks differently.

As for the third film...

Kanini & Kanino takes us underwater for a pair of kids who live on a coral reef. Alas, I don’t have a detailed article on the making-of and influences on this one, but I can tell you that the director Hiromasa Yonebayishi, aka Maro, is behind it - best known as the director of The Secret World of Arriety, When Marnie Was There, and Ponoc’s first film Mary and the Witch’s Flower. Notably the dialogue for this short is all in ‘crab language’ - are these kids anthro crabs? In fact, yes, it would appear they are anthropomorphic crabs. Sick. Whether they will attend a rave I can’t say, but the internet reliably informs me that is the primary activity of crabs, so probably.

I think that’s enough to be going with! Apologies it’s so late - I had to spend most of today reinventing Canabalt. But I succeeded, so I think I’ve gotten a lot better at this whole game dev thing. Let’s go enjoy some short films!

Animation Night will be going live now at twitch.tv/canmom, films to begin in maybe 15 minutes.

[jasontoddsguns]

I’ve read a fair amount with Talia (not a huge expert but good enough) and this is what I believe to be the situation as far as her age:

When she was originally created, she was SUPPOSED to around 18, yes. But in just the comics, I don’t believe it exactly got stated? We knew she was college-age, but not necessarily only 18. However, Dennis O’Neil stated in interviews that 18 was what he was going for. In my opinion, her behaviors in those comics, as well as her relationship with Ra’s, does make most sense with her only being barely an adult, even if obviously the fact that Bruce most certainly was in his late-20s or older is… not great, to say the least.

I’m not sure if saying they DATED when Talia was 18 would be accurate, though. In the early comics, their romance was mostly kept to Talia kissing Bruce on the cheek, and him smiling or blushing and complimenting her beauty/intelligence, while also trying to get her to understand that in the long run they weren’t going to work out. As far as Bruce’s receptiveness, he does kiss her (on the lips) once, but I don’t think much happened besides that.

Anyway, the whole 18yo thing got retconned around a year after her creation, in Marv Wolfman’s Lazarus Affair storyline (Batman #332-335), in which it’s stated that Talia is semi-immortal like her father, and (if I’m remembering correctly) around 150-200 years old. In this, they start actually dating for real and whatnot, but it doesn’t really matter since they’re both over the age of 25 (when brains are fully developed).

Her being immortal then gets retconned 6 years later in Batman: Son of the Demon, where it’s told that her mother most likely got pregnant with her somewhere around the end of World War 2. With today’s dates, she’d still have to be using the pit to look as young as she does, but this was in 1987, making her around 40. Probably not far from Bruce’s age, but possibly a bit older? (Also mentioned in Batman: Bride of the Demon, published 2 years later and by same writer, that no one but Ra’s has used the pit since Talia’s mother’s death, so she really couldn’t have used it before.)

Of course, this only lasts 5 years before Batman: Birth of the Demon, written by Dennis O’Neil once again, is published. In this, Bruce asks how old Talia is and assumes she’s immortal, admitting that he was hoping to get beauty tips from her on how to stay looking so young. Talia, although flattered, quickly denies this assumption and explains that she is “not yet thirty”. But obviously, when as young as 18 is a possibility, that’s pretty vague.

That’s where her parents meeting at a music festival comes in. Birth of the Demon was the original comic to include such a concept, with Talia stating that her parents met “in Woodstock, New York, during a music festival”. The confusing part is that I’m pretty sure Woodstock (1969) didn’t end up actually happening there? Either way, I’d assume that was probably still what she was referring to (most likely just an error on the writer’s side).

This, on its own, actually says a ton about her age. Birth of the Demon came out in 1992, which is only 23 years after the Woodstock festival. With pregnancy time in consideration, even if Talia was conceived at Woodstock itself, she couldn’t be older than 22. It also talked a ton in this graphic novel about how Ra’s and Bruce have known each other for a lot of years now, so… we’re back at the start. Yet again, Talia was canonically around 18 when they first met.

I haven’t read much from post-2006 (for obvious reasons), but between 1992 and 2006 the only age mention I can think of is Talia being younger than Nyssa, who… I believe is maybe around 200-300? Actually, just in general, it seemed like Talia definitely wasn’t immortal in Batman: Death and the Maidens.

Uhhh I guess there’s also Batman Odyssey to take into consideration? It’s one of the few things I’ve read post-2006, but I’m also quite confident it took place in a different universe. Anyway, it was a plot point in it that Bruce and Talia were friends as toddlers due to their parents being business partners. Since they were both toddlers at the same time, the age gap there really couldn’t have been more than a year.

That’s really it as far as my own information, so maybe someone else can add on to me as far as post-2006.

“Not an expert” bitch then wtf is this. Don’t sell yourself short.

[considernature]

Hello everyone! Damn, the paddlefish article has really brought a lot of new folks to this blog! Welcome everyone, and thank you so much for joining this lovely little project of mine--I am so grateful that so many people have taken an interest in my work and in the species I want to help protect.

Since there are so many new folks here, I wanted to give a brief rundown on the articles I've written so far. In the last year and a half of this project, I've been able to write about seventeen awesome and unique species that are in need of further conservation attention. Here are some links to learn more about them:

Olm (Proteus anguinus): the OG and mascot for the site, this eyeless salamander manages to survive in its pitch-dark cave biome through incredible sensory abilities and supernatural patience.

Indian Purple Frog (Nasikabatrachus sahyadrensis): this comically-ugly creature is also incredibly mysterious, spending its entire life underground and only emerging for a single day each year.

Pygmy Hippo (Choeropsis liberiensis): this secretive, pig-sized mammal is the only surviving relative of the mighty river hippo, but lives a completely different lifestyle from its much more famous cousin.

Scaly-Foot Snail (Chrysomallon squamiferum): one of the weirdest animals on the planet, this snail grows a shell reinforced with iron and lives around hydrothermal vents deep beneath the surface of the Indian ocean.

Kaua'i Cave Wolf Spider (Adelocosa anops): this blind cave spider is one of the rarest arthropods on Earth, and lives in tunnels carved by lava flows beneath the surface of the Hawaiian Island of Kaua'i.

Shoebill (Balaeniceps rex): this huge African water bird uses its tremendous beak like a guillotine to smash and decapitate its prey.

Largetooth Sawfish (Pristis pristis): this relative of sharks and rays has a tremendous nose lined with teeth which it uses to dig up and swipe at prey, but that's not the only thing its nose is good for.

Takin (Budorcas taxicolor): this large goat relative is quite possibly the most mysterious large land mammal on Earth, as it lives deep in the forested mountains of China, India, and Bhutan.

Zacatuche (Romerolagus diazi): also known as the "volcano rabbit", this adorable little fellow is an excellent gateway into understanding the benefits of grasslands to ecosystems and human settlements alike. Done in collaboration with Mexico'a CONANP.

(tambien en español)

Secretarybird (Sagittarius serpentarius): this badass raptor stalks the African savannah, using its powerful legs to deliver one of the fastest and most accurate kicks in the animal kingdom (and yes it's also the bird from Aggretsuko).

Manchineel (Hippomane mancinella): the first plant written about on Consider Nature (though certainly not the last), the manchineel is quite possibly the most toxic tree in the world, with every part of its anatomy steeped with a variety of noxious substances.

Gharial (Gavialis gangeticus): this crocodilian is a fish specialist, using its long, slender snout like a rapier to cut through the water and snag its prey.

Vaquita (Phocoena sinus): the most-endangered mammal on the face of the Earth, the Vaquita is a tiny porpoise that has gotten caught up in the black market trade of an extremely valuable fish bladder. Done in collaboration with Sea Shepherd International.

Pekapeka (Mystacina tuberculata): this tiny bat species is one of only 2 mammals native to New Zealand and spends more time on the ground than any other bat species in the world, despite being able to fly.

Angular Roughshark (Oxynotus centrina): this shark is native to the coasts of Western Europe and Africa, where it lives over a thousand feet beneath the waves and is rarely seen by people.

Marine Iguana (Amblyrhynchus cristatus): these iguanas are the only seafaring lizards in the world, and have developed a variety of remarkable adaptations to survive the extreme conditions of the Galapagos Islands.

And as always, if you have any suggestions, questions, or just want to say hi, you can DM me here or email me at considernatureblog@gmail.com. Welcome, and thank you for your support.

[strangestcase]

ok genuine question here. as someone who has a special interest on jekyll and hyde (the book) and its social impact as a piece of media: where the hell did the tumblr fandom trend of infantilizing hyde come from.

i know the trend of depicting hyde as the evil alter trope comes from a combination of factors in the pop culture derive of jekyll and hyde adaptations and their social impact

for instance, DID/OSDD being first described and presented to the public (at least in the way we do know them now, since earlier descriptions were less specific) the same month strange case came out, kickstarting a Victorian fascination with dissociative disorders and what their existence means to the paradigm of the christian soul, how those discoveries would shape proto-psychiatry (which strange case was touching upon), a chronic impossibility to accept a fictional character could be as complex and contradictory as jekyll, the hard pill to swallow that the book's themes and morals are, the story being simplified for adaptations, and Stevenson being contacted by the brother of dr Myers (the man who first described DID and OSDD as we know them today, albeit using terminology that is considered outdated and offensive nowadays).

like all that added itself to the unreliably narrated plot twist to build up, year after year, adaptation after adaptation, a pop culture derive that culminates with 21st century readers assuming strange case depicts the evil alter trope (to the point of systems and their allies being wary of the book!) and modern retellings thinking using the evil alter trope is more accurate, realistic, or edgy, than the classic and more correct -and much less problematic- concept of jekyll literally playing a part and it spiraling into him losing sight of who he really is. ok? ok

but like

while a lot of adaptations have toyed with this concept, and some (fortunately, a minority) have gone full steam with it, i can't think of any adaptations that depict hyde as a "child", be it literally or metaphorically, with the exception of (siiighs) The Glass Scientists (in which Hyde being infantilized by other adults is treated as a joke, everybody laugh now)

but i get the feeling that this wasn't as much as an adaptation starting a trend but as an adaptation cementing it; i've seen my fair share of posts calling hyde "a baby man" or "a baby" or whatever with various degrees of irony (which is weird but funny at first, fucking gross once you become aware of the implications). and i think a fair share of them predate the "official" tgs run (2015 onwards). in fact i would say that fandom trend is what made tgs hyde be as infantilized as he is currently, because he certainly wasnt infantilized in the concept art stage of the comic, in which he was consistently depicted as a dangerous, violent person (if rather childish, silly, and immature; but those traits a child dont make, and i will say, they are also shared by book!hyde, who isnt infantilized at all beyond ironic comparisons to a child wearing adult clothes, and i remind you that those comparisons are played for horror rather than humor)

so like. when did it start, and why? is it because tumblr users can't be fucking normal about a short adult, is it because tumblr users are by nature contrarian and begun to infantilize him as a "response" to hyde being depicted as a sexual predator in most adaptations, or did something else happen?

[myrthing]

I'm going to be serious for a bit and refrain from friendly language family ribbing, and before I start I need you all to know how much that distresses me. (That's it, that's the disclaimer.)

There's this thing that is always in the back of my mind in online spaces, and it's this one: Language. To me, the internet is in English. I don't speak Spanish or Mandarin, so those spheres are off-limit to me, whereas English, as the current lingua franca, got taught to me in school. I acquired my fluency online. So: the internet is in English

The Internet is also American. That's not surprising; of course people from the USA will dominate an Anglophone sphere. It's a fucking huge country, with English as its de facto official language. I don't think there's a single European out there who hasn't had some grievance with the absolute US cultural dominance online. Take racism discourse, as a completely non-controversial example: Discussions that start focused on racism in US history are excellent! It is not great when people try to use those exact perspectives on other countries, which erases their native points of view, and prevents cross-cultural understanding. Discussion of worldwide racism can't be forced into a US shaped mould.

Right about here is where I usually start thinking about languages. English is my second language (mine and over a billion other people worldwide). According to Wikipedia, 380 million people speak English as their native language. My first language has ten million speakers.

I'm Scandinavian, so I'm the kind of white that gets creeps salivating about genocide and pure Aryan women. I am, by skin colour and heritage and passport, the kind of privileged person that tops the racial hierarchy (for argument's sake, I'm ignoring disability here).

But only if you think my language doesn't matter. 10 million native speakers are a lot more than what most languages in the world have. At the same time, 10 million doesn't even get you to the top 50 most spoken languages. We're usually somewhere at the tail end of the top 100 most spoken, which should only serve to illustrate how many languages there are in the world (so goddamn many, despite all the ones we've lost).

If I were American, I would be about as privileged as I could be on the global scale. But I'm not American. "White" isn't a language or a culture. I have some touchstone in common with people my age across the western world. I read Harry Potter as a kid, but I never watched SpongeBob. Maybe you have at least heard of Pippi Longstocking, but you certainly never watched Spader, Madame! (yes this is the example I'm going with here, don't question the fact that it's neither for children nor temporarily accurate for my generation)

The point I'm attempting to make, via rambling, is that language matters. The closer you are culturally to the current giant, the more influenced will your culture be. The fewer speakers, the more vulnerable to erasure and decline. An official language of a sovereign nation is more robust than an indigenous minority language.

Language is the carrier of culture. Am I privileged over a Mexican Spanish speaker? Over a person who speaks Hindi? My language is privileged over Saami, over Finnish, over Meänkieli, but is raw numbers of speakers the only thing that matters? Of course not: consider how literature plays a part, how many books or newspapers or comics are written and published in a language. Are there movies, music, radio.

The Internet, as a place where English is the lingua franca, and where the default country is assumed to be the USA, there is an idea that all non-English languages are minority languages, that all non-white ethnicities are minorities. Online, the only reason you have to assume a US default is myopia.

[thescoobyscholar]

Like, Wow! The Results (Study)

Followup post to "The History of Zoinks." Includes methods, results, discussion. Page break after the first section.

Methods

This exploratory study will examine how accurately the catchphrases in Scooby-Doo reflect the language of the time. Based on their historical usage, we hypothesize that “jinkies” will be the most commonly occurring phrase, followed by “jeepers,” then “zoinks.”

We sampled the first 25 episodes of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! These episodes aired from September 13, 1969, to October 31, 1970 and make up the first two seasons of the show. The third and final season would not air until 1978 and had different writers, so it was omitted. Qualitative analysis was conducted in NVivo from episode transcripts obtained online. 

Results

The most used catchphrase was “zoinks,” at 87 occurrences across 25 episodes, averaging 3.48 “zoinks” per episode. Some episodes had no “zoinks”, with a notable 3-episode consecutive gap mid-season 1. Overall, “zoinks” usage trended positive; season 1 averaged 3.12 “zoinks” per episode while season 2 averaged 4.25. “Jeepers” was used once and there were no “jinkies”.

In context, Shaggy used “zoinks” as either an expression of shock on its own or paired with a frightful observation (e.g., “Zoinks! It’s the snow ghost!”). Once, in a witch’s hut, it was used as an adjective: “What zoinky labels… ear of a newt?” The first “jeepers” came from Velma, used more as surprise than fear: “Jeepers! Someone’s going into that old mansion” (season 1, episode 6, “What the Hex Going On?”).

Figure 1. Zoinks Frequency in "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?"

Discussion

Results not only contradicted the hypothesis, but all expectations founded by the literature. Despite their cultural relevance, we observed only one count of “jeepers” (not counting the season 2 episode 4 title, “Jeepers, It’s the Creeper”) and no “jinkies." The slow climb of “jeepers” may be attributed to the aforementioned “cultural time capsule” concept. It is an unwritten law of media that it must wait to capture popular culture until a few years too late. Usage of “jeepers” skyrocketed between DeBeck’s comic in 1928 and Donahue’s musical rendition in 1939, peaking in 1946 (Harper, “Etymology of jeepers”). However, despite Scooby-Doo’s monumental ratings, “jeepers” did not jump again until the movie Jeepers Creepers came out in 2001. Although “jinkies” did not appear in these two seasons, we know it would experience a great jump in The New Scooby-Doo Movies whenever Velma loses her glasses, growing to become her exclusive catchphrase in A Pup Named Scooby-Doo when she cooks up a clue. In the sampled episodes, Velma seemed to be struggling to find a catchphrase that stuck, floating between “gosh,” “golly,” and similar expressions. Why it took until three years into Scooby’s run for “jinkies” to first appear is uncertain, as both it and “zoinks” share similar histories as interjections of fright (and flight).  One potential explanation could be the face value of the characters on first airing. Shaggy boasted the voice of radio celebrity Casey Kasem. The writers seemed to enjoy letting him show off his odd audio skills, as in Shaggy’s “ventriloquism act” in the episode “What a Night for a Knight” and every variation of the “disguise as barbers to fool the monster into getting a haircut” scene that warranted a funny voice. Kasem was the first to say “zoinks” (and “zoink,” in one instance), but certainly not the last. In these first two seasons, Shaggy had a clear monopoly on catchphrases; the first “jeepers” even came from him.  The catchphrases in Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? do not reflect the vernacular of the time. Rather, they reflect what pumps the lifeblood of Hanna-Barbera cartoons: money (i.e., ratings). To keep the audience hooked, the writers had to put out only the best voicework. Casey Kasem as Shaggy was a bridge between audiences of children enjoying funny voices and adults enjoying a familiar radio personality (and modern folks enjoying a 60’s caricature). He and Scooby embody the spirit of the franchise strongly enough that they have survived through every series that tried to cut out other members of the gang (Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo) or otherwise split them up (Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get a Clue!). Despite “zoinks” having no direct predecessors in popular culture, Shaggy quickly spread it with his image as irreplaceable icons of the series across 250 episodes and 45 films. Like with Barney Google’s “heebie-jeebies” and Fred Flintstone’s “Yabba-dabba-doo,” it’s not about the linguistic sense of the catchphrase. It’s about the character who delivers it.

*Excluding Velma (2023) on HBO Max, which featured all of the gang but Scooby-Doo. Shaggy endures.

References

Harper, Douglas. “Etymology of jeepers.” Online Etymology Dictionary, 28 Sept. 2017, www.etymonline.com/word/jeepers.

[ufonaut]

Obsessed with gl: bmp Hal just straight up shooting a man, not wearing any clothes under the ring, and somehow maintaining the feral parallax energy WITH the fear bug retcon. Truly surreal.

IT'S THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. IT'S THE PARALLAX MOVIE I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF. IT'S EVERYTHING.

i'm not even joking, i just sincerely don't understand any of the complaints about green lantern: beware my power -- i don't just think it's fun or surreal or camp (though it is, in fact, every single one of those things) but i legitimately think it's a well-written, utterly fantastic movie. first off, it's probably the best animation we've ever gotten out of a dcau movie and it certainly stands out in the current landscape of animated movies as a whole, it's just gorgeous to look at and the fluidity of movement kept making me point at the screen and scream. secondly, it's quite frankly an impeccable adaptation of the intertwined storylines it's playing with.

while i'm definitely a stickler for canon, i also understand dc's animated universe to be something of an elseworlds and i consider the true measure of a good adaptation to be the ability to capture the heart of the story being told -- and beware my power does that like nothing i've ever seen before! the rann-thanagar war plays out exactly as it should, and i did get a little insane about adam strange's comic-accurate scar, and it oddly becomes the perfect setting for this particular version of parallax: it allows hal's motive to stay the same, it's still destruction and senseless loss of life and disillusionment with the green lantern corps' ability to do good that lead him to the conclusion that he could set it all right if given enough power to do so.

my issue with the fear bug retcon has always been the fact that it absolves hal of blame, whereas here he's very obviously in control of his actions and aware of what he's doing, the bug stays merely a trigger in coast city's absence and that suits me just fine (especially when we get the single most homoerotic scene i've ever had the pleasure of witnessing in an animated movie). in effect, hal stays himself. he's intelligent and ruthless yet frantic like the parallax of the 90s had been, he's the greatest of the green lanterns and written in a way that finally makes explicit the subtext that has always been there -- there's only one path after reaching that status and seeing through the guardians' lies, and it's the path sinestro had taken back when he'd been the greatest of the lanterns.

one complaint i keep seeing is something along the lines of this movie having made parallax a 'story about genocide' but that's what parallax has always been, the rann-thanagar war takes coast city's place but it doesn't change a thing about the story beats and hal & sinestro's massacre of the glc (more impactful now that they're together, i'd argue) is no more of a necessary evil that it had ever been before. beware my power is intimately familiar with the story its telling, even if the setting has been changed.

i also think the characterisation for everyone involved - oliver queen and shayera particularly -- was fantastic, and i enjoyed john quite a lot as a protagonist. there's the usual issues, of course, but it's neither here nor there that he'd been made a marine instead of an architect over twenty years ago in geoff johns' retcons. i also don't think they're using kyle's story as much as people claim they are, there's certainly similarities but it's a wholly original thing.

it's genuinely my absolute favourite green lantern movie of any sort, and without a doubt one of the best hal jordans i've ever seen! i'm sorry to have turned this into a mini-review but i CANNOT recommend the movie enough to anybody who might be seeing this. if you like 90s hal, you're gonna love it!!!!!!!!

[starpuncher]

so i've been doing some yaoi archaeology recently regarding mid 2010s homestuck fandom. presumably we've all been there and the audience is still with me.

what's striking to me about perusing these ancient cave drawings is how differently i experience them in the present compared to my impression of them in the past, at 12-15, which i felt at the time was significantly younger than both homestuck's target audience and the fandom population at large. my memory of homestuck fandom is that it was this bottomless cornucopia of incredible fanart; i've said to friends in conversation that i didn't think i would ever see a fandom with artistic output like that again in my lifetime. on reflection, though. on reflection, by which i mean a series of blog crawls through fanart archives going back over a decade, i may have been somewhat mistaken, and also thirteen years old. it turns out that to an untrained eye all fanart is equally incredible; there are pieces i remember as masterpieces that i now view (fondly!) as... kinda bad. this isn't a flex, it's just weird to realize that i surpassed 90% of my 13 year old art idols back in college. even as the eye improves, memory preserves amateur yaoi as comparable to an enlightenment masterpiece. then again, my memory sucks.* modern trigun fandom's output is probably more artistically on par with what i remember homestuck being, and even then not quite there.

due to tumblr's salted earth policy towards tits i can't say how much of the pervert aspect of homestuck fandom was true to my teenage recollection, but what scraps remain aren't super far off. based on limited records it SEEMS to have been both hornier and at once less (broad gesture towards the western slash hentai flavor of nonconsent)(a different beast entirely than yaoi nonconsent trust me there are different artistic movements at play here, influencing one another asymmetrically) than i remember. the layers of secondhand midwestern christianity continue to peel. i wouldn't describe my teenage self as being scared of sex/averse to internet porn as a rule, and yet interpreting what seems to have been a generally sex-positive fanart as notably debauched has a distinctive aroma of that mild psychosis. while the, uh, choices in ships were, hm, certainly more varied (the coward's description), the particulars of the fanart were fairly in line with modern fandom ship content (note: on several blogs, even what's been wiped retains hints in the tags applied to what are now blank images) (additional note: the author is considering the output of twitter fujoshis as constituting a broader slice of 'modern fandom ship content' than may be accurate).

whump, like actual no bullshit whump, is what i most notice as present in past fandom, now extinct beyond its most watered-down subtypes. think diary comics about depression. trigun volume 10 and the fanart it's spawned hurt, yeah, but that's a tragedy. that's a narrative. maybe (MAYBE) it's a positive indicator for the health of the larger organism that i don't see fanart of anime boy self-harm anymore. but i doubt it. i think gore fanartists still exist, in theory? gore as a focus is to me a different category than fanart with gore as an artistic inclusion. guts mean different things spilling out of what is essentially a blank canvas than they do when they belong to, i dunno, that pink bitch from jujutsu kaisen. what the fuck was his name. jujutsu kaisen is one of several recent shounen serializations that reflect a trend towards more overt gore/body horror/aesthetic grimdarkness in the mainstream, occurring parallel to the broader fandom retreat from similar visceral pain (and blood and guts and all that). i'm off topic. gore is itself different from whump, and you can still find gore if you look for it. gore is about flesh (as metaphor, but flesh regardless), whump is about suffering. there is frequently no metaphor to be had, or what is there is diaphanous and possibly accidental. i've seen several posts to the effect of 'we've lost weird sex in fandom' but i've seen what people do to vash's pussy on twitter. i think we've lost something else entirely. the weird sex remains, however cloistered by the architecture of a failing website inherently hostile to search and archival functions. the naked edginess (rawness? (is this a joke about flesh)) of whump is, for better or worse, not really a current part of the fandom ecosystem. i cannot remember the last time i saw an anime boy cut himself.

and again, maybe that's a good thing, but again, i doubt it. shockingly, i would not describe the broader internet populace as 'more mentally and emotionally healthy than 2014'. the word i would use is probably 'worse'. just worse. just like so much worse that any attempt at a similarly overlong retrospective on that sea change would be eligible for a hugo nomination by wordcount. discourse around the state of the very online public's comfort with discomfort focuses primarily on depictions of sexuality (for what i think are valid reasons, see blood knife's epochal 'everyone is beautiful and no one is horny') and, yes, that is often a proxy for other, parallel critiques, but, but, but. but is that the only place where boundaries on acceptable expression have narrowed? or just the one with enough intracommunity disagreement to be notable? there was for a period of time a lot of talk about hostility towards 'ugly' mental illness, the ways it often manifests not as easily-digested inaction but as violence, self-inflicted, omnidirectional, destructive. i don't really see that talk anymore. the parameters of what is acceptable in depictions of mental illness have been quietly agreed on. ask yourself, 'could you put this in a buzzfeed listicle?' and there you go.

returning to modern trigun fandom as a counterexample to heyday homestuck trends, i think of the way vash's near explicit suicidal depression (manifested as alcoholism, avoidance, a tendency to self-sabotage, a general late-series vibe of being unsafe to bring near a bridge) is generally ignored, or alluded to only in contexts where his yaoi wife can kiss it all better. the combination of suicidal depression and physical mutilation leads in a straight line to a door with nothing behind it, a vacuum left unfilled. i think of being 15 and scrolling past an mspaint comic about the minutiae of dave strider's abusive home life, at the time only implicitly canon, through a reading that much of the fandom still rejected as ooc. a picture of bro holding dave as a child, blood on the frame. bruises. straight red lines on #FFFFFF. let me remind the homestuck newcomer that this guy wasn't an explicit abuse victim in 2014. these agonies were whole-cloth inventions. do we still do that? we still invent new shapes for alien dicks (the trigun/homestuck comparison serves me again) and apply questionable interpretations of bdsm dynamics to whatever m/m is in fashion.

zooming out from my adolescent focus on dave fanart (yeah yeah i know i know he was everyone's favorite whaddya want), i wonder if commercialization plays a role, because it always does. that question is never answered in the negative. you weren't allowed to sell homestuck merch at cons. no one was making money off homestuck fandom. is that why it was like that? i don't know. i have laundry that i should be doing.

[okiekp13]

Ecstasy -3

To say you were living with your head in the clouds would be pretty accurate. Since the deal with JK your magic was on a completely different level, no more were you blowing up your couldron, potions were finally turning out as they should and on top of that your magic was stable not shaky or weak. Finally you felt like a full witch. Did you go blabbing your mouth about it to any witches you knew? Yea no; that would be far too much attention put on you and that was the last thing you needed or wanted. Granted its been rumored that if you are part of a coven and link together in a magic circle it helps to stablize magic among all within the coven, but a functioning coven wasn’t very common anymore. Most witches were solo and would only occasionally work with other witches when needed. 

The connection with your spirit guides was stronger as well. Before their voices were faint and you had to really focus to understand what they were saying; now it felt like they were talking right in your ear sometimes loud and clear. One said spirit guide being a very sassy little ol’ soul from the 1930’s named Evelynn who preferred to go by Evie and appeared to be in her 20’s. Although her sass was usually pretty comical she could be abrasive at times making you want to refer to her as Evilynn. Sitting with your herbal tea you used to relax; you sat in your garden watching the breeze brush against your plants, fragrances of flowers lingering in the air. 

“You know darling…this demon you are tied too.” Evie started as she sat by you drinking her own (ghostly) tea. “Do you think he has any friends?”

Snorting to yourself you entertained the idea of her trying to flirt with a demon like JK. Would that even work? Kind of hard if you don’t have any substance no?

“Seeing as how I don’t know him yet I can’t say.” You smirk.

“Oh the way he appeared like a dark horse out of that portal…it would make any sensible woman shiver in delight.” Evie giggled. 

“Oh my god you are terrible. Explain to me why you literally ghosted me right then I thought I was going to die.” 

“I can’t babysit you all the time my dear you have to grow up sometime and solve your own problems. I won’t be around forever I mean when I get bored I might just crossover then what will you do?”

“Psssh what ever you just wanted to be a creeper didn’t you?” You accused

“Well he was quite the sight I must say, perhaps I was just too focused on such a fine creature I forgot my purpose at the moment. I have been dead for some time you know but I still have wants and desires. I most certainly wouldn’t mind tangling up with a man like him anyway.” 

You couldn’t help it you died laughing, ribs aching, abs burning & wiping tears from your eyes. Evie laughed to herself as well; collecting yourself you enjoyed her company as the sun set making her appearance more clear around her silhouette.

“Now be honest dear…this contract you are tied to. When does it begin when it comes to payment? It has been nearly two weeks already has it not since JK was here? Surely you will have to pay up soon.”

“I don’t know. It all happened so fast we didn’t set a schedule or really talk about how things were going to go. But he did say he would start off slow so maybe he’s just bidding his time so as to not frighten me? I don’t know.”

“Well speak of the devil! I don’t think you will have to worry about that very long.” Evie gasped.

Following her line of sight out to your garden you see a billow of smoke appear with a very sinful JK walking out of it with his hair slicked back, ears adorned in silver hoops, the piercings in his eyebrow and lip glinting in the remaining sunsetting light, honeyed skin glowing in the rays. He was dressed more modernly this time, a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows displaying more of his sleeve tattoo, black fitted jeans that greatly show cased his thick thighs and small waist. Completed with black leather shoes. Evie disappeared into thin air leaving you alone to deal with this demon on your own. Taking a sip of your tea for courage you get up to meet him halfway in the garden, a smile playing on his lips as you approach. 

“Hello little witch.” He greets.

“JK. It’s been awhile. What brings you out tonight?” You ask cautiously.

“I have been a bit neglectful haven’t I. After our first meeting it took some…thinking to figure out the best way to approach our trade. More importantly I would like to know how you have been effected?”

“My magic? Beyond expectation…I have never felt this comfortable before. I have been practicing my magic with no issues and certainly better than I had anticipated. Is there something wrong?”

“Oh definitely not. I was directed by an elder that perhaps the trade is offset between us; I wanted to fix that but apparently you are effected just as much as I have been. Would you mind if we went inside?”

Nodding your agreement you lead him into your home; butterflies erupting in your stomach feeing his presence behind you. With your eyes flitting around your home you catalog everything that is left out or cluttered on the counter; thankful your home is presentable you offer if he would like a drink. Settling on a tumbler of whiskey for him and a glass of wine for you; you join him in your living room a decent distance away from him on the sofa. Taking in the vision before you; each movement is being memorized, the act of sipping his whiskey and releasing a content sigh does something to you. You can feel a tug of attraction; the pull of chemistry just being near him. Sipping your wine you try to clear your head. His dark eyes catch yours; there is a silent pause for a moment. 

“The contract we made is a powerful one. Not something I have experienced before…which is saying something. Perhaps planning out the approach to begin our trade is in order. Do you agree?” His voice had a sultry edge to it which was making your mind foggy.

“How would you suggest we start?” 

“Why not start by simply touching? See where it goes.”

Jk sets down his glass; taking yours from your hands to place next to his. Lightly grasping your wrist to draw you closer to him. Flush againt his side he releases your wrist to caress your cheek; you can’t help but lean into it, his skin warm and inviting. Leaning closer to you his lips tease at your ear. 

“You like this feeling don’t you? Your trembling.” 

Shivers roll down your spine, you can hear the smirk in his voice. He doesn’t back away as you expect instead he uses his hand on your cheek to trap your chin and tilt your head so he can have access to your neck. A light touch to just under your ear has goosebumps running along your skin, he kisses your neck delicately…following his own path down the column of your throat, to the junction of your neck and shoulder only to lightly nip you there. Your body cannot help but respond pressing further still against him, a gasp leaving your lips. 

Jungkook is fighting a growing fire within; the pull to touch, devour, seduce & ruin you is building at an alarming rate. He had intended to be a bit more cautious; not a very easy thing for a demon his misceviousness got the better of him. The taste of your skin already had his senses reeling, your soft skin like silk in his hands and the moment you let a gasp escape your lips is when he lost control. Releasing your chin he leans forward only to grab your hips and pull you on to his lap where he could lock you in his arms against his chest. 

“J-JK!” is all you could manage. 

The devilish smirk on his face with his dark eyes had your core tensing; feeling him under you was magical in its own right. His thick powerful thighs supporting you like you were made of air; his heat radiating sturdy chest thumping under your fingertips. He was eager; that you could atleast gather. You should be surprised right? Sitting on the lap of a stranger? But where is that fear? Where is the uncomfortable feeling of being near this stranger? It wasn’t there if anything you felt the need to touch, the need to taste, the need to savor the being under your hands. Was this the appeal of an incubus? Thats right Incubi have powers of seduction or control over their phermones? Who cares that can a problem to solve later. Grabbing his shirt you unbutton it down to just above his jeans, your hands splay across his chest feeling the honey colored skin yourself, digging your nails in slightly as instinct tells you too, a rich deep groan radiates from his chest. Its addicting you need to hear it again. Locking eyes with him you watch as he holds your couch hostage; one hand still on your hip as you venture a hand up to his jaw, tracing it back until your fingers can lace into his hair and pull his head back. Seeing his throat bared; his eyes watching you in anticipation made you feel so powerful you could feel it in the air. 

“Go on little witch.” Jk encourages.

Sure you wanted to get primal and bite his neck, the urge was pretty prevalent but instead you wanted to taste him. Sitting up on your knees you lean above him to bring his lips to yours…it was like falling into the abyss of the sun. Power surged through you both making all the light bulbs shatter in your home, a shock wave emanates from you sending furniture across the room. Your mind was out in the galaxy you were in such a euphoric state; Jk shook under your body, the one hand holding your couch shredding through the fabric, the hand on your hip in a death grip to keep himself grounded. Pulling back for air you can see he is struggling to regain his composure, chest heaving for breath, eyes heavily lidded, eyebrows pinched as he tries to focus on you. 

“What was that?” You ask just as breathless.

“E-Euphoria.”

“Do you feel that everytime?” You question.

“No. That is…the first time.”

“Do you want to stop?” You ask concerned his features hadn’t relaxed yet. 

“I just need a moment. That was unexpected…I’m trying to process it.”

“Then…touch me.” 

Bringing one of his hands up to your cheek you lean into it watching him come down from his high. Which was good; it allowed him to ground himself…he didn’t know how to explain how he felt. The level of euphoria he consumed could feed him for decades; he could feel the magic in the air and as much as he hated how his body was reacting like this was his first meal, feeling you on his lap and touching his skin was torturous in the best way. He was really playing with fire; if he kept going surely he would go insane with an euphoria overdose…should he stop here? No there is more to explore.

“I’m fine…thank you.” He smiles boyishly.

“What happened there?” 

“Lets just say I took on more than I could chew…figuratively.”

A playful smirk played on your lips; you could tell he wasn’t done the dangerous feeling seeping back into his voice, his body. It was exciting feeling his muscles move under you, stuck in his gaze like prey, troubling your lip as you waited for his next move. Only slightly roughly since you seemed to like it that way did Jk pull you against his chest, taking your lips with his and trapping you in a chaotic spiral of lust & need. Losing your grip on what was happening you did know you needed him, grinding against him to translate so. He growled through his chest, bucking his hips against yours making you mewl. Breaking from his grip only for a moment to catch your breath. 

“Not here…room.” You vaguely motion passed the sofa. 

Jungkook takes control of your legs around his waist; hoisting you up with little to no effort, walking through your house in search of your room, your nails digging into his back as his pheromones reak havoc on your senses. Finding your room he all but fell with you onto the bed caging you to the mattress. 

“Last chance little witch…if we go on I cannot promise control. If we stop here I will respect your decision. What will it be?” Seriousness dripped from his voice that commanded your attention. 

Focusing on him in a moment of clarity you give your consent with intention, this was what you wanted to do. Satisfied with your answer; Jk took pleasure in using his brute strength to rip the clothes away from your body like paper. The pure power only building the fire in your core that already threatened to become a whirlwind of primal lust any moment. Jk growled at your body before him served up on the bed just like he had imagined only better, your neediness making your body dance before him searching for release. His hunger to consume and ruin you returned in full force. A snap of his fingers and his clothes disappear before your eyes, leaving you in awe with the sight of his honeyed skin unrestricted down to the hardness you had felt while on his lap. A moan leaves your lips; he was not average at all you nearly worried if he would even fit inside you, yet the temptation to find out won that argument. 

Falling on his knees; Jk crawls up your body until he reaches your core, grabbing your legs only to toss them over his shoulders, locking gazes with you as he sinks down to your core to swipe his tongue from your core to clit enjoying the squeal of want that soared out of your mouth. You had figured he would be skilled he is an incubus after all but even that didn’t prepare you for it. Languid swipes of his tongue teased, while his thumbs spread you open for him to devour. Sucking on your clit until you nearly lost your mind only to pull away and tease your core with his tongue that was suspiciously long. Your fingers had long ago tangled in his hair unsure weather to pull him closer or push him away, his groans only sent vibrations up your spine pushing you closer and closer to the precipice of orgasm. Your toes were curling before you could fathom the momentum of what was to come, screaming his name you came undone on his tongue and he seemed only too eager to devour it. 

Feeling like you were floating on air you watch as Jk sits up wiping his lips with the back of his hand in triumph. You were no fool and could tell he was getting cocky. But who cares when you saw him swipe his fingers through your folds to collect some of your essence to use on his length as he gripped it, stroking it to prepare further for his main course. With butterflies rocketing in your stomach you got ready for what he would want; expecting him to have you move to a certain position or something you were surprised when he instead grabbed one leg to balance on his shoulder. Positioning your other leg to the side while he fit inbetween them. 

“Now that I have you tight as hell lets go.” He smirks. 

He lines up and sinks into you; the stretch around his girth nearly painful but it felt so good, you could feel the ridge around his head sink farther and farther inside you as his length thickened further once you reached the base. He was so far up against your cervix you were surprised he didn’t sink into that too if there was room. The growl that fell from his lips as he bottomed out made you clench so hard on him it neary knocked the breath out of him. Unable to stay still you play with your breasts to get some kind of stimulation going. 

“JK…Move” you plead.

That seemed to motivate the demon; he pulls back his hips and snaps them against you impaling you on his length in the most delicious sense. The feeling of him ramming against the confines of your core had you seeing stars, calling his name and babbling nonsense. You just wanted more and then some using your free leg to push his ass to go deeper, harder until you were starting to see white bursts. Jk was on a high he had never felt before; the power of your walls squeezing down on him making him nearly explode he wanted to feel that with you…feel you fall apart on his dick, screaming his name, he wanted to fill you up to the brim just destroy you on the inside marking you as his. He wanted it so badly he immediately used his thumb to rub your clit in cirlcles enticing a delicious scream of his name from you, pumping into you harder and faster until he could feel your walls start to twitch and your body shudder as you got closer. He lost it when he saw your back bow off the mattress crushing him with your walls a groan of your name falling from his lips as a tidal wave of euphoria crashed over him drowning him in darkness. Who knows how long he was there time was meaningless in this abyss of euphoria, it was only when the soft thumping heartbeat caught his attention did he return to reality. 

Opening his eyes he was laying on your chest confused on how he got there. Trying to move; his limbs felt numb. Never had he felt like this, it was concerning yet you seemed fine and didn’t mind his weight atop you. Your fingers were combing through his hair, it felt nice, comforting even so he continued to lay there until feeling would return to his limbs. 

“What happened?” He croaks. 

“You blacked out.” a slight chuckle mixes in with your statement.

“Well that’s not very impressive for a demon.” He groans. 

You laugh lightly as you adjust the pillow better under your head. Amused at a demon being embarrassed from passing out from an orgasm…an orgasm you gave him by the way. You were expecting to feel awkward after sleeping with this demon yet you were comfortable in your skin, perhaps it was from his pheromones still in your system. Feeling his weight on you felt calming and comfortable. Jk finally regained enough feeling in his body to roll off yours on to his back to stare at the ceiling fan which was giving off a slight breeze. 

“I think I almost died.” Jk deadpans. 

“What?” You burst in laughter.

“The overload of euphoria…I was so lost in my headspace that I was sure I was going to go insane.” He confesses.

“Is that possible?” You grow concerned.

“In humans yes absolutely. In demons? Theoretically its possible. I have never been that far before to find out. But it was worth it…im stuffed.” Jk explains rubbing his stomach.

Again you laugh; shaking your head you roll to the edge of the bed and with wobbly legs that made you feel like bambi you venture to your bathroom to clean up. Stepping under the hot water to wash away your activities you relaxed into the stream. Once you were starting to shampoo did you feel his warm body behind you; the touch of a loofah caressing your skin washing away the filth yet stirring up another fire inside you. The strong chest that pressed against your back as he helped to clean your body from head to toe. Nipping the shell of your ear you feel Jk push you forward against the shower wall. 

“I need dessert.” He demands.

Using his foot to widen your stance he pulls your hips back to him only so he could line up and push up into you again. The friction making both of you hiss; his approach this time was softer, slower but just as deep as before. Building the fire between you both slowly until you were clawing at the tile on the wall asking, begging for release. The pleading in your voice the last straw needed for Jk to ram into you harshly running toward that edge to fall over in euphoria again. You can feel the coil within you getting tighter and tighter until you scream. 

“There! Right there! JUNGKOOOK!”

All Jk could do was release a roar that rumbled the walls around you as he came undone. Spent yet again he leans against the wall with you ragged breath passing by you ear. The cool tile the only thing keeping you grounded as you come down from your high. 

“You are going to be the death of me,” Jk confesses.

[bikenesmith]

Actually watching the movie sounds like torture but I’m am curious: from the leaks I got the feeling that America was less of a character in her own right and more of a plot device used for her powers, and certainly out of character. Like when making the movie they just wanted a dimensional teleporter character and not actually America Chavez and it shows. Is that something you’d say is accurate or no? Idk if you have any thoughts on America’s portrayal but I’d love to hear them.

Also Wendy… I’m wondering if there was any antiromanyism in her storyline beyond the child-stealing plot (which is a huge yikes obviously; perhaps less so because the mcu character is a whitewashed monstrousity as opposed to comics Wanda). I’m just wondering if they used any stereotypes either applied to mcu wanda in a “this is out perception of How Romani People Are, so here’s characterization for this character who should be Romani” or a repeat of the fortune teller costume thing.

If you don’t want to answer it’s fine it’s just hard to find someone who has a. seen the movie b. isn’t overwhelmingly positive c. isn’t an mcu wanda stan and you do seem open to giving your thoughts.

america/her powers were very much a plot device, but that said, she had some really nice character moments + she bounced off the rest of the cast, particularly dr strange, so well.

what was most frustrating to me was how she was being tossed between characters with little physical agency and no control over her powers. especially considering how powerful + self-assured she is in the comics pretty much from the moment she comes on the page! reminds me of how cassandra cain was nerfed in birds of prey. it would be very possible to rewrite the story to allow for ample america-beating-ass + ample multiverse-out-of-control-foolishness

hmmm. i have to say there is...something about the way elisabeth olsen is styled that speaks to a...decontextualized orientalism? it's difficult to explain, but popular visual shorthands for witches are heavily racially coded. similar to the antisemitic implications of green and/or big-nosed witches, there are also images of the witch that employ stereotypes about + bastardize visuals from brown + black culture. this caricature is related to the "fortune teller" antiromani caricature, the "voodoo witch" antiblack caricature, and more. the one wendy could possibly be referencing is more on the fortune teller side of things:

vaguely brown young to middle aged witch (often with light eyes) that has lots of "ethnic" jewelry ("ethnic" here meaning bastardized versions of roma, mena, and/or south asian culture), "ethnic" clothing, "ethnic" tattoos/makeup/markings, big bushy or dreaded hair, dark eyeliner + eyeshadow.

wendy emulates this some with the dark makeup, the darker, stripped down version of her costume, big hair, and black-stained fingers (i know this is a sign of corruption by the darkhold/dark magic/whatever but that doesn't lessen my point - connecting this "darker" wendy and "dark" magical items to an ethnically coded visual is an extension of the issue). maybe these visual examples showcase what im talking about?

cw images of white women in antiromani costumes:

but this is difficult to parse because these signifiers have been so absorbed into witch iconography that it's hard to know what is purposefully racist and what is not.

even if the creators don't even know wanda is roma, they may know of that caricature, whether they are aware of its racial undertones or not, and want to emulate it. they may connect it to her naturally, not out of direct knowledge of her roma identity, but by influence of the obscured orientalist + antiromani caricatures that have plagued some of her comics representations.

or! dark makeup can just represent her corruption + emulate tired, sick, or sunken eyes. the stripped down outfit can be for similar reasons, and the black on her fingers can be a reference to "getting your hands dirty". ample plausible deniability here, which is so often the case with this shit. part of why it makes it so easy to call poc's criticisms crazy + "reaching" 😵‍💫

but considering the other orientalist/appropriative visual aspects of the film (see dr stranges multiple arms as an obvious reference to hindu deities), it isn't that far fetched...

idk! again i default to roma peoples' judgements on this. am i looking into it too much? is it just impossible to tell? lmk

[mayfriend]

I posted 6,100 times in 2022

That's 4,175 more posts than 2021!

314 posts created (5%)

5,786 posts reblogged (95%)

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I tagged 4,270 of my posts in 2022

Only 30% of my posts had no tags

#eurovision - 260 posts (...yeah, this tracks)

#uk politics - 258 posts

#esc 22 - 246 posts

#words - 196 posts

#history - 192 posts

#tua - 172 posts

#art - 170 posts

#on love - 142 posts

#emily speaks - 137 posts

#world politics - 121 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters (its about my girl Mary from BBC Ghosts 😭)

#i was like 'omg she finally talked about her trauma 🤧' and 'wow more about annie her bestie' and her whole monologue to pat about her life

My Top Posts in 2022:

(3/5 of these are from Eurovision, or as I like to call it, My FA Cup)

#5

The song is called 'Lights Off', although ironically they use every light in the house.

Graham Norton, on the Czech Republic

1,452 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#4

embrace the wolf. embrace him. hold him. be held

1,588 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#3

canon things we know about the umbrella academy

luther used to marry viktor’s action figures at the age of eight

reginald used to watch the kids sleep and monitor their brainwaves

at some point, grace became ‘mom’ instead of ‘grace, the new nanny’ to all of the children

five was thirteen years old when he found his siblings’ bodies

klaus is the only umbrella native to the usa, coming from an amish community in pennsylvania; luther is from sweden, diego from mexico, allison from south africa, five from ireland, ben from south korea and viktor from russia

viktor cried when his siblings stepped on ants when they were children

the same kid hated oatmeal so much he killed minimum three nannies at the age of four

klaus broke his jaw when they were twelve after falling down the stairs wearing grace’s heels, and had to have it wired shut for eight weeks

grace helped the children pick out their own names

viktor realised he was trans after falling in love with sissy in the sixties

diego boxes under his comic book superhero name, the kraken, and in claire’s bedtime stories, allison calls luther his, spaceboy

diego’s preferred form of conflict resolution is a dance battle

hargreeves considered ben ‘easily manipulated’

both klaus and luther got kidnapped without any other members of their family noticing

after ben died, his family remembered him as the best of them who could do no wrong; klaus, who spent everyday with him, more accurately described him as a ‘loveable asshole’. all of them remember him as loving his family fiercely, and being the glue that kept them together

allison starred in a movie with sandra bullock

with viktor speaking russian, diego speaking spanish and ben speaking korean, it’s highly likely that hargreeves made a point to have them learn the languages their birth mothers spoke

reginald forced all the kids to read shakespeare, the odyssey in ancient greek and insisted on ballroom dancing lessons

sometime between season 1 and season 2, klaus learned how to drive

allison speaks seven languages, and five knows both ancient greek and italian

grace helped diego with his stutter

before he travelled back in time and met dave, klaus’ longest relationship was two-weeks long and primarily because he was tired of sleeping rough

ben and diego made allison’s teddy say ‘luther smells dad’s underwear’ as kids

diego told klaus that licking a battery would give him pubes when they were eight, and klaus believed him

klaus’ special training in the mausoleum was meant to make him too afraid of the ghosts to function, so reginald could control him better; reginald also killed him there at age thirteen, and possibly earlier

viktor’s violin once belonged to reginald’s late wife

diego’s ‘vigilante shit’ was a trauma response

allison was the first of the umbrellas to become a parent, and diego will be the second

ben almost certainly knew that klaus was dying and reanimating, as they spent sixteen years together after his death, and apparently never mentioned it

See the full post

1,700 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#2

If you're just joining us, that is real. It's not a computer glitch, we really are at the top of the leaderboard.

Graham Norton, summing up my feelings on our position right now

1,997 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i was literally making a meme about today’s resignations and the number went up as soon as i finished ffs

24,314 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[finitevoid]

like you have to understand. ed is the normal human wife. hes lois lane. iris west. linda park. hes the grounded foil to bart's elevated intensity. This is important in flash comics because of how their powers work: they become so disconnected from reality that staying is more difficult than leaving, and the only remedy for this is a lightning rod-- i.e. a connection and intimacy with a person who isnt connected to the speedforce, thus making them, by definition, the speedsters anchor to reality. if this person isnt in the speedforce, then the speedster sure as fuck cant leave-- at least, not without leaving this person, too. flash comics have a long history with characters like this-- joan garrick is the classic, quintessential The Girl You Leave Behind To Go Fight In The War. jay was probably petting polaroids of her in the literal trenches. iris west is the 70s career woman-- she works and shes good at it and thats what she does. shes independent, but chooses to settle down of her own volition (shocking). linda park is very 90s comics, rocking the boat. for one, she isnt white, for two, shes the breadwinner. wally consistently gets himself into shit in his real life and linda is consistently the one dragging him out of it. they have this very intense back-and-forth at first, where wallys chauvinistic tendencies grind RIGHT up linda's second-wave feminism. but despite all this, these characters all get subsumed into the wider Speedster's Wife trope. like all things, a good writer wont mishandle the sheer breadth of possibility with any of them, but a bad writer most certainly will. and generally, they dont really exist outside of flash solos unless linda is showing up to corral her kids at the end of the world during final crisis, or something

but the importance of this character cannot be understated. not only in the literal sense of the superpowers, but also in that the comics NEED a grounded foil to it all. superheroes are meant to be this power fantasy, yeah, but for the most part, the average comics reader has more in common with iris west than they do barry allen. while the flash is off running through space and time, linda is writing her thesis. good writers will understand that these characters are just as, if not more, important than the actual superhero themselves. its why every solo ever has the superhero having a thousand civvie friends, or, often in the case of older characters, a civvie spouse. so in hh, ed is waltzing not only into the position of lightning rod in a literal, in-universe way, thus dragging him into this insane subculture, hes also slotting himself into the metatext of this decades (decades) old trope. and MY intention for leaning into this, is the sheer possibility for subversion. i have 2 rules for ed as a love interest, ones that if I ever break, hh will be an actual failure of a project:

ed will always have a life, thoughts, and wants that exist outside of his position as love interest

ed can never, ever, ever become a superhero

the reason for the first one is obvious-- its a common pitfall of "love interests" as a literary device, particularly outside of romance as a genre. a character being presented as more of a prize than a person, something for the hero to attain and then own. its just not an accurate portrayal of how a relationship works, and i really intensely dislike it. also I like ed and i want to explore him and his psyche, its fun and enjoyable. but whats actually more important than either of those is that this is VITAL to portray him as grounded in reality. "love interests" who are a prize to be won dont feel real; they're larger than life, in the same way that mythological heroes themselves are. nobody is actually like that, and consequently theres very little room for empathy with that character. and that is NOT what the Speedster's Wife does. ed needs to be normal, but more than normal, he needs to be real. he needs to feel, as much as i can possibly make him, like a real college student.

bart exists as this larger than life figure-- literally. i liken him, frequently, to thespianism. not only about his powers, but literally, the base of his personality that I explore in hh. he wears masks and personas to divert and deceive and confuse. ed, as the closest thing it has to a second protagonist, needs to be honest and upfront and blunt. ed's scenes take place in mundanity: at work, at school, driving, doing chores, hanging out with friends, at parties. bart's scenes take place in fantasy: sci-fi superhero bases, on violent missions, in space, outside of reality. ed is the point of reference. hes the axis of familiarity. his presence makes the characters around him feel more real, too. his flaws play of their flaws and his strengths play off theirs.

ed can never become a superhero because it would completely uproot this. it would completely muddy my carefully laid arc about a kid thrown into a peer counselor/management position to a bunch of traumatized teens barely younger than him. yj as a show likes for its characters to be a million things-- saving the world as superheroes and as civilians. but i think theres a quiet strength in the civilian characters in worlds like the dcu; what does normal life look like in a world where aliens invade like every 2 weeks, sometimes the multiverse breaks and almost ends the world, and people with unimaginable power want to use that power to enact grand, public violence? how does that work? ultimately, the jla, and the team (and the titans and the outsiders and the suicide squad and young justice) are all just a very, very intense, very, very vocal minority in a world thats otherwise populated by people just like our own.

civilian characters have always been one of my absolute favorite parts of superhero comics. i think the intersections between the mundane and fantastical (can be) really encapsulated by a relationship between a superhero and a civilian, and especially when that civilian is given the room to have their own life that they explore on their own terms, and how the wild nature of the world they live in interacts with their attempts to pursue their own dreams and life. the civilian is important because without them, superheroes dont exist. its the backdrop to every comic book ever.

Anyway. I wrote all of this because i think it would be really good for hummingbird heartbeat's sequel to open with a scene where ed, having been bullied into getting a drivers license by his father, drives his dads car into a supervillain that bart's losing a fight to, mid-monologue

[megashadowdragon]

comments on hazbin hotel/helluva boss that I saw on spacebattles

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Monshroud said: What with the Executioners, and when the Helluva Boss episode with C.H.E.R.U.B gave us a tiny glimpse of heaven and some of its angels, I suppose it's likely they'll go the bashing route for them.

I guess that's why I like my Isekai idea for a "Biblically Accurate Angel", (perhaps an Ophanim/Throne), being sent to the Hazbinverse setting, a entity of such severe glory and inhuman focus and fervor, that to the more darkly comical inhabitants of the Hazbinverse they'd essentially be an Eldritch Abomination, but in a terrifyingly beautiful kind of way.

indeed. its an interesting scenario.

Honestly, I would like to see that happen in my own God's Demon/Hazbin timeline…perhaps with a "mysterious" biblically accurate Seraphim who goes by a title rather give his name…

also, having an interaction between the angel and Sargantanas would be nice.

7,388

tyranniod overlords said: Sargatanas: "At least, an actual angel-like from what I remember from the old days. The exterminators aren't even a good parody. good parodies require resembling and understanding the subject matter."

Need to specific that line would be Sargatanas' own personal opinion, not a comment on what the upcoming show will be.

If you think about it, the reality of the Hazbinverse being the creation of a Demiurge instead of THE God makes a lot of sense, particularly since even the humans are essentially poor parodies of actual humans as well.

What a coincidence! That's a similar explanation to what I was thinking of as well! with mine, more that demiurge has made a semi-takeover (not overthrown good, but swayed his creations astray and distorted everything) in my idea rather than being the true original creator of the Hazbin verse.

Say, as one of the symptoms of what the presence of an Eldritch Abomination is mutation and/or madness spreading, an actual angel in such a Chaotic setting would likely bring the opposite of both, spreading stability and sanity instead. Particularly once they start bringing more of their brethren to that reality as well.

It certainly would be an interesting twist on Cosmic Horror, being for supernaturals so used to the way things are, rather than Mankind.

Just picture I.M.P making one of their usual visits to Earth to murder someone, when they come upon a town full of humans NOT behaving as stupidly, erratically and cartoonishly as those they've encountered so far, but….. normally instead.

Then they notice the multiple ethereal entities watching over the town, the Ishim, not the cute cherubs they've encountered before, but regal beings of light, seemingly human in shape, watching them…. and when the demon assassins find their target, THAT'S when the terror starts. After all, REAL guardian angels don't F@#$ around.

tyranniod overlords said: hoo boy. proper angels are the embodiment of the trope beware the nice ones. That, and "Holy is Not Safe" in some cases.

I wonder who'd be the most susceptible to being traumatized/influenced by REAL angelic singing/music….. probably Blitzø.

Given his desire to be loved, hearing TRUE hosannas of God's undying and infinite compassion which resonate with the soul would undoubtedly paralyze him with terror and longing, unlike the screeching preaching of the Cherubs which would bore him to tears.

amy own statement :

someone else pointed out that the cherubs of helluva boss/hazbin hotel are more like putto

A putto (Italian: [ˈputto]; plural putti [ˈputti])[1] is a figure in a work of art depicted as a chubby male child, usually naked and very often winged. Originally limited to profane passions in symbolism,[2] the putto came to represent a sort of baby angel in religious art, often called cherubs (plural cherubim), though in traditional Christian theology a cherub is actually one of the most senior types of angel.[3]

[patheticprogrammingperson]

Would you look at that, a pivot in content?

That's right, I'm reviewing a Tintin book, to be precise, I am reviewing all the Tintin books, in order (or at least I plan to)

Naturally, that means starting with the ones that are really, really, really, a product of their time that Hergé himself later apologised for, and regrets, however they remain a vital part of Tintin's story, as a character, as a series, and in fact, the story of Hergé himself.

First up, Tintin In The Land Of The Soviets, the first Tintin story, and decidedly the most bizarre, even put next to Flight 737 To Sidney, not in its subject matter, but in the truly staggeringly mad way that the plot is driven forward.

But before we can dive into the action (which is pretty much all this one contains), we must first cover a bit of Hergé’s personal history, and what lead to this book being produced.

Tintin In The Land Of The Soviets is a right-wing propaganda piece aimed directly at children, there is no nice way to say it, it was written for Le Petit Vingtième, a Belgian far-right newspaper insert, that contained fascist and often openly antisemitic views.

While what was to become Soviets was originally planned to take place in America, Norbert Wallez, a vocal fascist, and editor/founder of Le Vingtième Siècle (the paper in which Le Petit Vingtième was published), forced Hergé to change the location to the Soviet Union, in order for it to act as anti-socialist propaganda.

Now, with the scene fully set, onto the review which is going to be longer than most of the rest, as it was written in a very disjointed series of segments, inflating the stuff: page ratio considerably, so prepare for a lot of words with little continuity.

We open on a text panel, stating:

At "Le Petit XXE" we are always eager to satisfy our readers and keep them up to date on foreign affairs. We have therefore sent Tintin one of our top reporters, to Soviet Russia. Each week we shall be bringing you news of his many adventures.

N.B. The editor of "Le Petit XXE" guarantees that all photographs are absolutely authentic, taken by Tintin himself, aided by his faithful dog Snowy!

What's important to note here is, despite being a hand-drawn comic, it's presented as having an element of fact, despite being a propaganda piece written by a Hergé, who at the time, had never visited Russia, and all information reportedly came from a pamphlet titled "Moscou sans voiles", written by Joseph Douillet.

As I'm no historian, and know little of the history of the Soviet Union, I can't comment on the accuracy of the portrayal of it within this story, however The Economist described the portrayal as "uncannily accurate", so take that how you will.

Anyway, second attempt at getting to the story:

We open onto the actual story with Tintin promising to send postcards, (and Vodka), as they board a train to the Soviet Union along with Snowy.

However, elsewhere on the train, a plot is brewing.

An agent of what is later reviled to be the OGPU, who were the predecessor of the infamous KGB (around 6 agencies later down the line), who plants a bomb on the train, with what is probably my favourite quote from this whole book - "On of the best remedies yet discovered for curiosity" refering to said bomb.

The bomb detonates, destroying the train coaches, other than a few scraps & the wheelbase/floors, however Tintin is utterly harmed other than a black eye, and torn clothes.

Arriving at the train station, Tintin is then arrested and charged for misappropriating the ten train coaches, and "causing the disappearance of" the two-hundred-eighteen passengers on them.

Now, the sensible thing for Tintin to do here would be to go through the legal system, as there's very little evidence against them (at least I assume what there is wouldn’t be sufficient, I'm not a lawyer)

But insted of that, they choose to break out, by attacking the first police officer to enter his cell, and stealing their uniform (which most certainly doesn't fit in the slightest), and steels a police motorbike, and escapes via reckless driving.

But of course, the police pursue them, but Tintin’s bad driving catches up to them first, as they slam the motorbike side-on into a tree, launching Tintin & Snowy out head-first, and is of course, utterly unharmed, a trend that will continue throughout the rest of the book.

To avoid being caught by the pursuing police, Tintin lays out the stolen uniform in a t-pose, and hides in a tree.

The police then arrive, and Tintin drops out of the tree, into their car, and drives off.

Here, we get to the first truly crazy event, Tintin’s car is pursued by a police “spotter” plane.

That plane then proceeds to drop a bomb on the car.

Why?

Why has this random German police department got acess to a plane, let alone bombs to drop from it?

Why are they bombing this random escaped prisoner?

Anyway, bombs avoided, Tintin then gets hit by a train.

They land on the front of the locomotive, unharmed (again), and Snowy falls into the chimney.

Arriving at the border town of Stolbtsy, located in modern-day Belarus, Tintin is escorted to the Commissar, who, at the direction of the OGPU agent that bombed the train, releases him.

However, the OGUP agent and the Commissar conspire to dispose of Tintin.

And what is their brilliant plan?

Plant a banner skin on the steps outside the clothing shop Tintin is shopping in!

The OGPU agent is so certain in their plan, that they expect to receive the Order of the Hammer & Sickle (in tin)

However, this masterpiece of planning and execution is solved by Snowy moving the banana skin to under the OGPU agent’s feet insted.

(Quick sidenote, according to my research, bananas were apparently very very rare at the time in the Soviet Union, and considered a luxary good)

And so, the OGPU agent is tripped on their own banana skin, and Tintin escaped not knowing they were ever in danger.

Tintin then promptly missed their train, and instead of waiting 24 hours for the next one, they steal a handcar,  with the intent to catch up.

Now, logically, this hand-powered vehicle should not be able to catch to a train pulled by a steam locomotive.

However, as this is a work of fiction, logic is discarded, and Tintin catches up to the locomotive with the train with ease.

But as plot tension is required, the handle of the handcar snaps, launching Tintin off in a backflip motion, and Snowy follows suit.

Despite seemingly landing on their head, Tintin survives.

Again.

Unharmed, other than a bloody nose.

I’m starting to see a trend here.

Anyway, in order to continue, what does Tintin do?

That’s right! They find a fully working engine with fuel on a scrapheap!

Engine acquired, Tintin assembles a cobbled-together motorised adaption of the handcard from nine paragraphs ago and heads off.

But, as we can’t go one page without action, the OGPU sabotage the train-track by bending out a section of rail, and of course it works, and of course Tintin is sent flying, and of course they survive unharmed.

Why am I not surprised?

Anyway, Tintin then plays dead in order to attack the OGPU agent that sabotaged the train, it works, because Tintin.

Heading off down the train track on foot, Tintin heads through a cut-out pass through a hill, and a train comes through it, and Tintin outruns the train on foot.

Do I just have a very incorrect perception of steam locomotive speed?

Anyway, Tintin continuing on, comes across a factory town, however, the factories are fakes, bundles of straw burning out a false chimney, in a building of wood and canvas, machine sounds provided by hammers and plates of metal.

This elaborate fraud is set up in order to artificially inflate the perceived economic strength of the Soviet Union.

Then, Tintin comes across a beggar, on the street, and takes them to a restaurant.

However, Snowy sees through their disguise, as it is in fact the OGPU agent that bombed the train at the beginning, and thus unmasks them by pulling off their false beard.

Now, the OGPU agent then threatens Tintin with a firearm, and to counter the firearm, Tintin deploys the latest anti-firearm technology, a bowl of hot cabbage soup, which they slam over their head.

OGPU suitably souped, we now come to actual narrative deapth.

Yes, you read that right, we are taking a break from the nonstop action for an actually meaning-full scene!

And it’s directly lifted from the pamphlet Hergé took all the information on Soviet Russia on!

To give some further background on said pamphlet first, it’s a book.

Not a pamphlet

Unless you consider a 249 page a hardback book a pamphlet

How did this mix-up happen?

Well, the Wikipedia page for Tintin in the Land of the Soviets calls it one.

That’s it.

Anyway, back to book.

The book in question is titled `Moscou sans Voiles: Neuf ans de travail au pays des Soviets’, or in English, ‘Moscow Unmasked: A Record of Nine Years Work in Soviet Russia’, and was written by Joseph Douillet, Belgian diplomat to the Soviet Union, who lived in Russia for, as the title strongly employees, 9 years

While Wikipedia claims “It is now well known that most of what was published in Moscou sans Voiles is false and functioned as propaganda”, it remains without citation, and therefore is of dubious legitimacy.

But it seems that there is a reasonable likelyhood that the following screen is somewhat rooted in truth.

Tintin comes across an “election”, a group gathered around a raised table, at which are seated three soviets, one of which appears to be the OGPU agent who was recently souped, but I suspect Hergé didn’t intend that.

The centre one then says “Comrades, you have three lists before you… the first of which is that of the communist party. All who oppose this list raise their hands!”

They and the others at the table then proceed to aim their weapons at the crowd, and obviously, no one raises their hands, the Soviets declare themselves elected unanimously.

This hits somewhat, because I can see this happening in a modern book, it’s somewhat realistic, making a nice break from Deus Ex Machina engines, and weaponised cabbage soup.

In addition to that, the fact that this could be a true story, it’s somewhat chilling.

Right, are we done with the serious now?

Good.

Back to the incoherent action

Take the camera off the Technocrane, put on the side handles, off with the 75mm anamorphic and on with the 12mm.

Tintin is then discovered, and accused of being a spy (which they are), and how do we solve this?

That’s right, physical violence!

Snowy slams into the discoverer’s ankles with a cylindrical object of ambiguous material (I think it’s metal, but something inside me thinks it’s a stick)

Returning to the Anti-Firearm Cabbage Soup vender, Tintin rents a room for the night, and proceed to encounter the exact opposite problem I did writing this review, and writes up some fifty-four pages of copy, and proceeds to bed.

OGPU TIME!

They attempt to break into Tintin’s room with the keys. (Does that even count as breaking in?)

However, they fail to notice that the key’s in the lock on Tintin’s side for at least four panels, and then make the logical choice to force the door. (There’s the breaking!)

Tintin counters this by:

Opening the door on the first one, letting them slam into the wall inside, and then closing it on the next two, letting them slam into each other.

However, instead of continuing this process for the next two, Tintin logically decides to dress themselves and Snowy up as a ghost by means of a sheet.

This works just fine without issue, because of course it does.

Continuing the chase, Tintin’s sheet’s eyeholes (because of course there was time to cut eyeholes) get lost, and Tintin and snowy fall down an inexplicably open manhole (despite Snowy being able to see just fine)

Now trapped in a sewer, Tintin attacks the grate trapping them in there, and it doesn’t budge.

Tintin then proceeds to sneeze it off.

You read that right, that heavy metal grate that force of arms could not move, is dispelled by a sneeze (that also breaks the brickwork holding it there)

You may say that it was weakened by Tintin’s prior efforts, but it could have been made out of balsa wood, and a sneeze realistically would have done nothing to it.

Tintin dives out the sneezes-off grate, into the water below, but it is barely 40cm deep, and Tintin gets a head covered in mud.

Is there any reason for this?

No!

But then, a police officer spots Tintin, and attempts to drag them off for bathing in an area where bathing is strictly prohibited.

And because Tintin is clearly an anarchist, they kick said police office head-first into the river.

However, reinforcements arrive, and what action do they take against this person whose only crime was swimming in an area where swimming is prohibited?

That’s right, they open fire!

(Yes they also assaulted an officer and resisted arrest but please just forget about that part)

Tintin counters this onslaught of bullets by just running away and not getting hit.

They then steal a boat to make their getaway, and the police pursue in a boat with mounted Vickers machine-gun (Which was not used by the USSR other than in a few esoteric roles, none of which were boats, but Belgium did)

Sidenote, why have the police got a boat with a Vickers anyway?

Anyway, they then make good use of the Vickers, sinking Tintin’s boat.

How does Tintin get out of this one?

I’m not going to tell you!

That’s right, it’s the part of the review where I withhold a small bit of plot, in order to make you go read the book yourself and form your own opinions on it!

Yes this will be a repeating segment!

Anyway, Tintin, now in the Vickers-boat, slams into a tree not looking where they’re going, and launches themselves and Snowy out, and guess where they land?

I’m not going to not tell you!

They land in the driver’s seat of a motor-car and drive off.

But they’re leaking petrol, and the disgruntled owner (who was under the rear of the car working on it) sets it alight!

Trailing this line of fire, Tintin sets light to:

A petrol tanker

A box of artillery shells, next to a set of artillery guns

The comedic rule of three

How does Tintin get out of this?

The car runs out of fuel!

Car pushed to a garage and refuelled (from a fuel pump marked as BP Spirit, despite British Petroleum never operating in the USSR), Tintin then has a breakdown.

No, not in that sense.

Tintin attempts to solve this by tearing the engine apart.

They then discover it was a flat tire.

Due to lack of pump, Tintin takes the logical path, and trips up a man walking along the road, insults them, causing them to chase Tintin, then, one they’re tired, uses their puffing to inflate the tyre.

Is this a cruel and unusual way to inflate a tyre?

Yes.

Is it very very funny to read?

Yes!

Mainly because of how stupid it is.

Anyway, tyre reinstalled, you may remember that Tintin tore the engine apart around fourteen pages ago.

Well, Tintin fixes this by just showing everything under the bonnet. (sure, there were a few bits left over, but who cares?)

It runs fine, because why not?

Tintin then finally makes it to Moscow and is immediately arrested.

Then, because this is a book aimed at children, Tintin is sent to be tortured.

Then, because this is a early Tintin book, the tortures are racist stereotypes.

I’m not going to say anything further about this scene, go read the book if you really need to see it.

So, Tintin’s back in a cell, and how do we get out of this?

There’s a diving suit in the corner.

That’s how.

Putting on the suit, Tintin carves a hole in the wall of the cell with a knife (which they still had for some reason), out into the river outside (which, to be fair here, was suitably Checkoved a page or two ago)

Then Snowy, swimming across Tintin, comes across some Soviets, who, in order to reinforce the fact that They Are Evil, tie a stone around Snowy’s neck in order to drown them.

But, here comes Tintin, and drives off the Russians, saving Snowy,

Instead of continuing down the river, Tintin gets out of the suit, props it up, and waits for them to ambush it.

Tintin then goes through a back-and-forth, side-to-side underwater, throwing rocks at them.

This works without flaw.

Then, we finally get to Moscow, which is, “A stinking slum”, Tintin’s words, not mine, and come across what appears to be that OGPU agent again, (or maybe Hergé just has a very limited quantity of faces), handing out bread to the poor children.

But, because we still need to portray them as Very Evil, the bread is exclusively for communists.

How do they determine who is a communist?

By asking them of course!

I can’t help but question their logic here, why would you even say no?

It’s not that they don’t know what happens if they say no, it’s a line out on the street, it’s quite clear.

Anyway, Tintin spots a selection of soviets gathering for a meeting.

In order to acess this meeting, Tintin grabs one of them, and steels their clothes.

Apparently no-one in this world can perceive hight, as this works just fine, again.

In the meeting, as soviets plan to go and rob the Kulaks of their grain, as they are running low.

Apparently, this did happen, and is cited outside `Moscou sans Voiles: Neuf ans de travail au pays des Soviets’, so it is likely historical fact, just with Tintin inserted into it, but in reality, it was because the Kulaks were seen as class enemies, not just because they needed grain.

This took place duing and in the period directly after the Russian Revolution, with Lenin himself ordering the mass execution of those classified as Kulak. (it is important to note here that Kulaks are an economic class)

Anyway, back to fiction, that got a bit too factual there.

Tintin infiltrates the army, one more proving that hight is ignored by the soviets, in order to view the events of the grain-getting-group’s expedition.

But, due to Tintin’s endless need to Do Good, in order to further villainise the soviets, they slip away from the soldiers, and go ahead to the village, where they hide the corn in the mattresses (which were previously filled with straw)

Re-joining the grain-getting-group, they search and find no corn, because apparently they’re not that good at searching.

Now, the grain-getting-group, not wanting to leave empty-handed, decide to turn to torture.

However, Tintin steps in, and the soviets take the logical path, and turn to a firing squad.

Now, how does Tintin survive this?

It’s very simple.

They somehow managed to remove the powder in every one of the cartridges and replace the bullets in them with cardboard! (the bullets in the cartridges that is, not the bullets in Tintin, if there were any)

How did Tintin manage this?

How did Tintin even get acess to the bullets?

How did Tintin get that much cardboard?

We never find out!

Anyway, firing squad debt with, Tintin wanders off into a blizzard, and gets frozen.

OGPU EX MACHINA

Some OGPU agents expressly stated to be hunting for Tintin, just happen to come across them, entirely by chance.

They start a fire, melting the snow, allowing Tintin to escape from the snow, and run away.

Down a hill.

Into a small tree.

Which then snaps back into the first of the two OGPU, knocking them out.

But, surprisingly, the second one fires, and hits Tintin, right in the bottom, causing them to fall over, and continue to roll down the hill, forming into a snowball, until hitting a tree, smashing the snowball, and knocking Tintin out

I don’t even know how to segway into further “plot” at this point.

HERE’S A BEAR

Said bear wakes Tintin, and steals the vodka, and promptly gets drunk.

Inebriated, the bear then attempts to eat Snowy.

This provides the opportunity for Tintin to wrestle a bear, because what story about Russia would be complete without wrestling a bear?

Tintin wins, because Tintin

I’m not even going to continue to segway at this point.

Tintin starts a fire, with some wood they just find, and then fall through the frozen lake, pops up out of the lake again, and gets frozen solid.

OGPU EN MACHINA

A horse-riding OGPU agent shows up, cuts Tintin free by the base, and drags him off by horse.

Snowy finds a box of salt, just randomly on the lake, and pours it on Tintin, defrosting them, allowing them to break free.

Instead of slipping away, Tintin challenges the OGPU agent (whose name is Nokzitov by the way), who then grabs Tintin by the throat, lifts them into the air, and then throws them into a tree.

To finish Tintin off, Nokzitov swings at them, but Tintin ducks, and Nokzitov punches the tree, causing it to break a bough off and hit poor Nokzitov right on the head, knocking him out.

Tintin takes Nokzitov’s winter clothes, leaving him to die out here, (somehow this set fits), and his horse.

But Tintin, it turns out, cannot horse well, and ends up falling off, right by a set of tracks that lead them to a rickety cabin.

Entering, Tintin finds such modern conveniences as

A potload of human skulls on the fireplace

A grandfather clock with in-built skeleton,

Cabinets with launching skulls

The comedic rule of three

Tintin then hears a voice from under the floor, kindly informing them of their impending damnation.

In response, Tintin rips up the floor with their bare hands, finding the gramophone responsible for the voice, and a ladder, leading further down, into a metal tube with door.

Tintin then spend an hour trying and failing to open it, presses one of the three prominently displayed large buttons with their elbow, thus opening the door.

Tintin is then swiftly hit over the head, tied to a chair, and escorted to see the boss, because guess what it’s villain monologue time!

Mournfully, the madly maniacal monologue meanders into mediocrity, making it mandatory for me to manoeuvre around it.

Blah Blah Blah, Tintin is told they are to be shot at dawn.

Are you enjoying this review of a children’s book?

So, Snowy digs through the floor, and chews Tintin free.

Now, just in time, the boss returns with reinforcements, who open fire

How will Tintin manage being shot at in a small, confined space with a single exit?

They turn out the lights causing the Soviets to knock each other out.

I’m not even going to attempt some witty comment here, this is just utterly nonsensical.

On we go!

Tintin then comes across some doors, with such nice labels as:

Grain Reserves – Soviet Export Propaganda

Cavia, Vodka - Soviet Export Propaganda

Comedic Rule of Three - Soviet Export Propaganda

Yes, that’s right, it’s more propaganda!

After coming across a guard, Tintin runs in fear, into the dynamite store (soviet propaganda)

How does one even use dynamite for propaganda?

Actually, I can think of a few ways, but I’m going to leave those up to your imagination.

Now, this should be fine, but here comes Snowy with a lighted cigar!

How did he get it?

He stole it from that guard, I don’t know whyhe did it though.

Anyway, there’s dynamite in the dynamite room, shocker, but they also have some Cheddite, the inclusion of which I’m not sure of the realism of, as Cheddite was French in origin, deriving its name from the town of Chedde, located in the Haute-Savoie department of France, where it was originally manufactured.

Did you know that France divided up their country into departments?

Because I didn’t.

France was first divided up into departments in 1665, when Marc-René de Voyer de Paulmy d'Argenson, ambassador to the Venetian Republic, on the French side, suggested the creation of the first departments in order to serve as administrative areas, entirely for the Ponts et Chaussées (Bridges and Highways) administration, which has since been reorganised into the Conseil général de l'environnement et du développement durable, as of 2008, which itself was reformed into the Inspection générale de l'environnement et du développement durable in 2022, because of-

Wait, wasn’t this a Tintin review?

Pivoting away from French politics, Snowy’s cigar lights a fuse, which explodes, but there’s nothing attached to it, Snowy gets severaly wounded though.

Anyway, one Snowy mummification later, Tintin dresses up as a pilot, steals a plane, runs into a storm, and promptly crashes propeller-first after the engine gets struck by lightning.

This is a subtle nod to the 2011 film The Adventures of Tintin, except this time there’s no haddock on the plane.

Snowy falls into the petrol tank, remarks that Tintin flies very oddly, and single-pawedly rights the plane.

But the propeller is broken, Snowy insults the Soviets’ propeller-making, and Tintin CUTS DOWN A TREE WITH A PENKNIFE

Now, some of you may say at this point, “But you can cut down a tree with a penknife! There are videos of it on YouTube!”

That is true, but those are all rather small trees, this tree is wider than Snowy is long, it is a large tree. (Yes, I also know that trees like Oaks regularly grow to >3.5 meters of tree girth, but this tree is still rather large by knife-felling standards)

Tintin then carves that into a propeller, in the span of just one night (including the tree-felling)

But wait, we need to fill time!

Tintin carved the propeller’s pitch backwards!

Somehow this sends the plane backwards, somehow lifting the tail, I shouldn’t have to explain to you why this is not how air works.

Now, I’m not a propeller biologist, but couldn’t you just flip it around?

Anyway, Tintin carves another propeller, in far less time, attaches it, and takes off.

There’s a hole in the fuel-tank.

Tintin gets out of the plane in flight, in order to fix the hole.

In the process they almost hit a chimney.

In the process, Tintin is mistaken a for a sadly non-existent south-to-north pole flyer.

What a shame, I was just getting in the mood to monologue, a word which here means an elongated speech from a single individual.

They originated in Ancient Greek Theatre, where they eventually evolved into dialogue, which features multiple characters conversing, as opposed to the single-

NO!

I’M NOT GOING OFF ON ANOTHER TANGENT, WE’RE OVER 4500 WORDS AS IT IS!

Anyway, Tintin gets drunk, thanks to complications I cannot explain while keeping in the aborted monologue monologue pun, goes to their hotel room, and wakes up the next day with a splitting hangover.

Still enjoying this fascist propaganda aimed at children?

The police knock, Tintin answers, drops a bottle of wine of Snowy’s head, and is taken by the police officers in their car.

Guess what, it’s OGPU agents, dressed as German police, they reveal themselves to Tintin, who promptly throws three of them out of the moving car, mostly head-first, anyway, there’s a fourth one driving, who knocks out Tintin.

Anyway, they arrive at a house, are locked up in the dungeon, and offered an ultimatum.

100,000 Soviet Rubles to join the OGPU, otherwise: death.

Now, it’s time for a currency tangent!

Using 1.9434 Rubles = 1 USD, as of 1928-02-01, we get $51,465.60, then accounting for inflation, we get $913,026.83, which is rather a lot of money.

It’s shocking how hard it is to track down old exchange rates, this was around 2 hours work, and I came across some rather odd sources in the process.

Back to the story, Snowy dresses up as a tiger, drives off the OGPU.

But wait, it’s a real tiger!

I’m honestly just tired at this point, don’t worry, it’ll be over soon…

PLOT POINTLESS ACTION TIME!

The two “tigers” face off, Snowy barks, off goes the real one, the OGPU come back, thinking the Tiger’s gone, Snowy the “tiger” chases them, gets his fake tail stuck in a trap, looses the bottom half of his tiger disguise, gets ridiculed by the local fauna, returns to Tintin, saves them by means of a key left on the ground (clearly within Tintin’s reach)

Freed, Tintin returns to Berlin, has a nice meal, rents a room, the porter drugs the flowers with chloroform (which, fun fact, is a (probable) carcinogen, remember that for later books), Tintin notices, opens the window, plays dead, in comes the porter (whose name is Borschtisov) , Tintin kicks him in the jaw, takes his gun, and interrogates him at gunpoint, gets the police, who translates a letter he had on his body, revealing that he planned to blow up the capitals of Europe with dynamite,

So that’s what the propaganda dynamite was for, not exactly a Nobel cause.

Tintin gets a reward of 20,000 Marks, worth around-

WAIT, NO, MORE HISTORICAL CURRENCY!

Anyway, getting into it, info about Deutschmark conversion is even harder to find, but I found a source that seems to be somewhat factual?

As of Dec-1928, 4.1960 Deutschmarks = 1 USD, giving us $ 4,771.77, shoving that through the inflation calculator gives us only $84,653.71, meaning that Tintin would have made a far higher profit joining the OGPU, exactly $828,373.29 more, in fact, here’s a graph

Anyway, bad financial decisions made, Tintin buys a car in order to return to Russia, drives at speed in the rain, slams into a train crossing barrier, magically hits into a train to Brussels head-first, is fine, and some cleaning-up later, Tintin is back in Belgium, and is greeted with a horde of adoring fans

So, that was Tintin in the land of the soviets, two weeks of work, a few more weeks of researching Hergé, a few hours on currency conversions, and what do I get for it?

A 5.2-thousand-word review of a book from the 30s

I think this is the longest thing I’ve ever written, but don’t worry, the next review will be out next week, I’ve a workflow now, and they’re shorter books from this point onwards anyway, so I should have no trouble hitting a weekly schedule.

The real question is: will anyone read them?

Is there a market for somewhat-long-form Tumblr content?

Well, you read this far, so there must be!

I think the main thing that made this one hard to get through is just how much was crammed into every page, I wrote 15-pages of Tintin worth of review a day for this, which is approximately 16 stupid events/day.

This is mainly the serialisation’s fault, as well as the need to keep the attention of young children, you can’t have a weekly issue of casual conversation or build-up,  you’ve got to have none-stop action, but that won’t stop me ridiculing it

Also just for fun, I’m going to be keeping track of all the deaths within these books, from those directly caused by Tintin themself intentionally, and the rest.

Kill Count

Tintin:

2 policemen (left to drown)

2 gun operators (blown up)

3 OGPU agents (knocked out of a car head-first)

Nokzitov (left to die in the snow)

Total:

2 policemen (left to drown)

2 artillery gun operators (blown up)

3 OGPU agents (knocked out of a car head-first)

218 train passengers (blown up)

Nokzitov (left to die in the snow)

Sources:

Tintin In The Land Of The Soviets

Hergé

Norbert Wallez

The Economist - "uncannily accurate"

OGPU

Chronology of Soviet secret police agencies

Cheddite

Departments of France

Marc-René de Voyer de Paulmy d'Argenson

Conseil général de l'environnement et du développement durable

Inspection générale de l'environnement et du développement durable

Tree Girth

Soviet Rubles

USD Inflation

Deutschmarks

PS: The acronymised form of Tintin In The Land Of The Soviets is TITLOTS

[hitaka5ever]

Here's the written part of my MLP Movie alternative storyline comic I wanna do eventually IDK enough about the prequel to the film when Fizzlepop was becoming Tempest, so I have no idea how accurate the timeline is to the show in this. I may have to tweak the dialogue later if its wrong The story starts in Kludgetown during Capper's song since this is the most crucial part of the story Let me know what you think!

Up above on a roof, a large figure stepped up to the edge, staring at the large group of ponies as they followed Capper through the slums. They followed the group at a distance to avoid being seen. The purple pony was certainly not believing in Capper's song, but her friends were so enthralled by him that she couldn't stop them. So she kept her distance. As the shy yellow one was being sung to that the alleys may be scary, but that Capper would protect them no matter what, the figure turned its paws to the right to continue following them.

Capper was soon nearing the end of his song, throwing out a roll of red carpet for the ponies. He was nearing his hideout when something big dropped down from his roof, stopping his song and the music accompanying it short. Everyone's eyes widened when the head of a large, black and red, furry wolf lifted, revealing red eyes and a blank look on his face. Capper sweat dropped as the look was directed at him.

"Uh…" Putting on a happy face, Capper turned to the ponies. "Forgive me, my friends, I had forgotten I was expecting company today. Let me introduce you to our humble abode's chosen leader, Aah-!"

"Shut up, Capper. The purple one isn't buying your shit." The Mane 6 gasped at the wolf swearing in a kids movie, but he ignored them.

Stepping past Capper, who was whistling as he tried to escape the ponies' wrath at being outed as a liar, the wolf gestured to Twilight with a tiny jerk of his muzzle. "You, come forward."

Swallowing nervously, Twilight walked past the others, standing between them. "Thank you, Mr….-?"

"Just Amon."

"Thank you, Amon, for saving us from a terrible fate. We were on our way to find the Queen of-"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Amon interrupted. "Capper may have been lying about wanting to help save your lives, but he was right about the town being too dangerous for creatures like you."

Twilight's brow furrowed slightly. "Were you following us?"

"Yes."

"Then why'd it take ya so long ta reveal yourself?" Applejack asked, annoyed.

"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash piped in, like she always did.

Closing his eyes as he started walking past the Mane 6 and Spike, Amon answered, "I'm sorry to be so secretive, but I was curious about you, that's all. Come with me."

The Mane 6 looked at each other before Twilight took the lead to follow the wolf. She quickly caught up to his side, looking up at him.

"Where are we going?"

Amon glared dangerously at one of the townsfolk as they passed by their opened tent, daring them to try anything. Squeaking, they yanked the flaps closed. Amon looked back forward again.

"I am leading you to the real end of town, but we must backtrack a ways to get back on the correct path."

"Does that mean you know how to find the queen of the hippos?!" Pinkie Pie yelled.

Twilight jerked her head around to glare at her. "Pinkie!"

Amon sighed. "Yes, I know where the Hippogriffs are. Be quiet."

"Hippogriffs?" Twilight asked in a whisper.

"Yes."

"So that's what Princess Celestia meant."

Amon looked at her. "And why did this princess let you leave home alone?"

Twilight looked extremely sad then, and the others had similar expressions. "She wanted her sister, Luna, to ask the Hippogriffs to assist us in saving our home, Canterlot. But they were captured and turned to stone, along with my brother's mate. I almost suffered the same fate."

Amon hummed in thought. "So you chose to tackle the journey on your own… That was very foolish."

Annoyed at being insulted, Twilight ran forward, slid around, and then got into Amon's face, forcing everyone to stop. Amon didn't seem surprised that something smaller than him wanted to confront him.

"For your information! My friends and I are the Guardians of Friendship and Harmony! It's our committed duty to save Equestria from all evil! We barely escaped after the army of the Storm King invaded Canterlot during our Friendship Festival! We are the only ones who can defeat him! So don't you ever call my friends and me foolish again! You got that, stinky Fluffybutt?!"

"Daaaaaaaaaaaang!" the other ponies exclaimed after Twilight was done.

Amon remained impassive, but he gave a nod of his head. "You are right, I apologize. In this land, foolishness gets you sold off or killed, but you are also very brave to take on such a powerful foe yourselves. I am sorry for the circumstances that led you here."

Twilight was staring hard at him a little longer before she returned to her normal height, and then she stepped aside. "Thank you."

They continued onward, having to take quite a few twists and turns.

"So where exactly are we goin'?" Applejack asked.

"First, the magic shop that is located near the airship docks. I have a map for you that will help you find your directive easier. After, the docks, where you will stow away on a ship of your choosing. There are currently two in port, so picking one should be simple."

"So, if it is so dangerous out here, why should any of us trust you, darlin'?" Rarity asked.

Amon took a few more steps before stopping. The ponies looked at each other in confusion. "...This is why."

Sitting down, Amon flexed his body just enough for the light to catch the top of his body. The Mane 6 and Spike all reacted the same way upon seeing the worst scar they had ever seen along Amon's entire spine.

"Oh dear.."

"Woah…"

"Good heavens!"

"Ouchie, that's gotta hurt!"

"I am so sorry…"

"Woah, dude! That is so TOTALLY AWESOME!"

Well, all the ponies except Rainbow Dash, anyway. 

"Shut your apple pie hole, Dash!"

Ignoring them, Amon stood back up, shook himself, and then continued on.

"I am not originally from here. My pack lived on the edge of Everfree Forest. But one day, an evil pony appeared and killed all of my brothers, sisters, and elders while I was gathering herbs and other plants for our healer. When I smelled the carnage and magic used to take their lives, I left my gatherer basket behind and met their murderer upon my return. I tried to make them pay, and that is when they used their magic on me. Since I was pouncing, the magic blast ran along my entire spine, leaving behind this scar months after I had recovered."

"So how did you end up in this nasty place?" Spike asked. "Everfree Forest is way far from here…"

They made it to the shop. Amon turned to the ponies to finish his story. 

"Long story short, I healed my back the best I could, traveled through the desert, and collapsed from pain and exhaustion halfway here. I was picked up by a merchant, placed in their cart, and was brought here. Since I am a wolf with unique colored eyes, they wanted to sell me for parts, but a woman took pity on me and gave me a new life here in Kludgetown.

"Now give me a minute to grab the map, and then I will finish my story during our final leg of our trip to the air docks."

Not waiting for a response from the group, Amon entered the shop. Twilight turned to everyone.

"I actually believe in Amon."

"How come?"

"I remember hearing about the wolf pack slaughter before I moved to Ponyville. There was rumor that only one survived. And that evil pony he was talking about, sure sounds an awful lot like-"

"Here is your map." Turning sideways, Twilight saw Amon step forward, holding a roll of parchment in his mouth. He carefully placed the scroll on the ground. Using her magic (they didn't notice Amon wince), Twilight lifted it off the ground and handed it to Spike. Walking far around the group, Amon continued on their path to the air docks. "We're almost there."

"Thank you for all your help, Amon," Twilight told him with a smile minutes later. "For protecting us from Capper, giving us the map, and keeping us safe."

Amon glanced back at them. "I am just doing what I know is right, there need not be praise for that." Amon looked back ahead. "Just as you are going to the ends of the world to save your home and the ones you love, I, too, am fighting for my own. Storm King and his army wants to conquer all, and I will not stand idly by as he rampages from place to place. But I must keep this town safe, so assisting you in this way is the best I can do. If by some unlikely chance you fail, then the people of Kludgetown and I will band everyone still standing to end the war once and for all…"

"We will not let you down!"

"Yeah, we're stronger together!"

"And there's nothing Twilight and our friends can't do!"

"Oh yeah!"

Amon couldn't help but smile at that. Perhaps there was enough hope in the world to survive the Storm King's conquest after all…

They soon made it to the edge of town before the air docks. Amon turned to the Mane 6 and Spike.

"Here is your way forward, ponies. Beyond this town is nothing but dark, stormy clouds as you make your way to Mount Aris and the Hippogriffs. Take care of yourselves and each other."

Spreading her legs, Twilight bowed to him, her wings extending from her sides. "Thank you, Amon." After standing back up and folding her wings, she turned to the others. "Okay, time to pick a ship. Who would like the honor of choosing?"

Amon rolled his eyes as they started talking amongst themselves about the best ship to take. They soon chose the one to their left. Amon stayed right at the edge of the town as he watched them head for their ship.

"Be warned, Guardians of Friendship!" Stopping, the ponies looked back. Amon lowered his voice. "In this part of the world, trust no one but yourselves. It could mean life or death if you don't…"

Before anyone could react to this, Amon turned around with the swish of his tail and was gone. Everyone looked at Twilight, looking worried. She smiled the best she could.

"Don't worry, guys, we can do this. Together."

"I hope ya righ', Twiligh'."

"Yeah, we've got this!" Pinkie Pie practically screamed.

Facing forward again, Twilight raised her head up high and then led her friends towards their wise choice, where they would sneak onto the ship that would lead them closer to Mount Aris…

In the shadows, Capper came forward, stopping behind Amon as he watched the ponies sneak into the cargo hold of the merchandise ship.

“How do ya expect me to pay off my debt to Verko if ya keep ruining my cons?” Amon didn’t respond. “...You are far too nice for your own good, Amon.”

The airship was taking off, and a look and feeling of relief passed through the wolf. Lowering his head, he turned around and walked past Capper. The feline con artist turned to follow him back into town.

“...I need you to do me a favor, Capper,” Amon said minutes later, as they were nearing Capper’s hideout.

“Keep Verko off my back for another year, and then we’ll be square.”

“I will speak to him later.”

“Good. So what would you like me to do, your leadership?”

They made it to Capper’s place. Stopping outside his back door, Amon turned to him. “Any minute now, and the Storm King’s nefarious crew will arrive. I will meet them first while you stay in the shadows. After I leave, you will tell them where to find Twilight and her friends. Since they are heading for Mount Aris, you will tell them that they’re heading to Black Skull Island instead. That should give them plenty of time to reach Aris. Is that understood?"

Capper gave a bow. "I will do as you say."

"Good."

Capper opened his door for Amon, letting him through the hideout and back into the slums. "Have you ever encountered the Storm King's crew before? You certainly sound like you have a disdain for them…"

Amon's eyes narrowed as he pictured a dark figure with flaming pink mane hair and an electric sparking object on its forehead. He then heard a loud howl of pain mute out all other sounds deep in his ears. It instantly vanished when something grabbed his shoulder. Amon shook his head hard.

"Sorry, yes, I know all about Storm King's villainy and the soldiers he has recruited over the years. His second in command and I have a history that sometimes still haunts me in my dreams."

"So an ex?"

Amon snorted in disdain. "That would be infinitely more preferable than the truth…"

The duo continued on their way to the start of the marketplace in silence. Capper moved to the shadows, using his lanky body to move stealthily and without an inkling of a sound. They soon reached a crowd of sellers and scallywags watching in horror as a fight had just broken out. Amon pushed through them to reach the middle of the circle. The remaining creatures started to disperse when Amon made his presence known.

Having just finished harassing and attacking the giant fish guy Capper used to save the ponies earlier, Tempest stepped off him when she got her answer. She was about to turn around when a voice spoke firmly a few feet behind her.

"You have a lot of nerve showing your face here, monster."

Tempest's eyes widened when she recognized the voice. Putting her triumphant smirk back on her face, she started to turn around, saying, "And here I thought you were dead," facing the owner of the voice, she finished, "Amon."

Amon was glaring weakly at her. "Tempest Shadow."

Tempest stepped one hoof towards him. "So you still remember me… I'm flattered."

Amon stood his tallest as Tempest kept walking closer. "I could not easily forget the monster that inflicted such an injury on my person with wicked glee, Tempest."

Tempest slowly began to circle Amon, keeping a close eye on him as she looked him over. "You should learn to get over such trivial nonsense, Amon. Your pack chose to fight me, you just happened to be in the right place at the wrong time when you tried to get revenge. You only have yourself to blame for that wicked scar on your back-"

When Tempest was to his right, Amon turned and snapped his sharp fangs at her face, snarling. "Get the hell out of my town, witch! You will never be welcome here!"

Tilting her head back slightly, Tempest laughed softly. "Oh Amon, you are lucky I have more important matters to deal with than you right now, otherwise I would finish what I started with you." Stepping away from him, she headed back the way she came. "Once my horn has been restored, you will be next on my list of victims."

Fur raising on his back and neck, Amon growled after her. "And I will ensure that you lose more than just your broken magic, witch!"

Tempest snorted in amusement as she and her lackies headed back for their ship. Fur slowly going back down, Amon glared after her. After a few seconds, Capper came out of his hiding spot, having heard it all.

"Yep, being an ex-girlfriend would have been so much better…"

Snorting, Amon jerked his body around, heading back through the market. "Hurry up and go after her. I will be waiting for your return when she has failed her mission."

"Yes, Amon."

"Good luck."

"Luck is my middle name, my friend!"

Amon rolled his eyes. Turning around, Capper went after Tempest, knowing exactly what to say to convince her that the ponies were heading for Black Skull Island…