#so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it

[not-neverland06]

How About A Nuke?

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII

The ghoul x fem!reader A/N: I see a lot of comments talking about how you guys wished they would just communicate. They are communicating its just that neither of them know what they want. Summary: All you want is to just be clean. He offers to show you a nice little spot where you can finally scrape the grime off of you. What could go wrong?

“So,” you shifted your bag further up your arm. You were favoring the left today on account of the giant gap he had left in your right bicep. You were still pretty pissed off about that. “Do you ever, you know, bathe?”

He looked over his shoulder at you, he seemed caught off guard by the question. “Bathe?” He repeated, face raised in surprise.

You rolled your eyes and nodded, “Yeah, bathe. I’ve been out here over a week. I’ve got about twenty layers of blood and sand stuck in every crevice.” Your skin crawled thinking about the different types of bodily fluid you’d been sprayed with since coming out of the cryo pod. 

There was a lot of blood, of course, but Hollywood doesn’t show everything that gets excreted in death. You were itching for a good shower. You know that’s out of the question, but there’s got to be something. 

He laughed and ripped off a piece of jerky. He offered you some, grinning when you shook your head. “Buckle up, sweetheart, you’re in for a rude awakening. You can always use the water, but that’s a waste of Radaway if you ask me.” You should have known. It’s not like anyone you’d encountered seemed particularly gung ho about personal hygiene, but you had hoped there would be something. 

You reached down, digging your nails into your arm and scratching off flakes of blood and who knows what else. You shouldn’t have bothered, though, it only made the rest of you feel a hundred times worse. You looked crazy, scratching at yourself like a dog but you couldn’t help it. 

“Alright, damn, I’ll give you some of my Radaway, you look half rabid.”

You stopped with your scratching and stared at him in shock. “You’ll give me some of your Radaway?”

He rolled his eyes, stopping only when he noticed you’d quit walking. “Is that not what I said?”

You crossed your arms and glared at him, “You’re not exactly known for your generosity. What’s the catch?”

He frowned and clutched at his chest like you’d actually done damage, “Now, that hurts darling. I’m just trying to help you out.” He turned around, walking to the right now, further towards greenery and away from the desert. “Plus, it’ll get rid of that fucking smell.”

You kept your mouth shut but he was one to talk. He hadn’t exactly tasted wonderful when he’d kissed you. Nor did he smell amazing. Still, he had made your heart race and it wasn’t from pure terror for once. Though, any positive feelings he’d caused within you had been negated the second he dropped you to the dirt like a used up toy. 

You knew better than to try and bring it up to him, but it had stung. Attacked that vulnerable part of you that made you want to put up walls so high even the sun couldn’t get through. 

With no other choice you sped up and caught up to him. Your hip was still bothering you, but it wasn’t dragging behind you as much as it was a few days ago. The only thing really bugging you now was your throbbing arm. He’d assured you that it couldn’t rot, he’d dealt with that, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like a bitch. 

“Through here is a lake you can use.” He pointed towards the area where the trees started to thin out. 

You looked at him skeptically, “You’re really letting me do this?”

He scoffed and glared at you, “The fuck did I tell you?” You don’t know if he’s talking about his new rule to stop questioning him or about giving you the Radaway, but you keep your mouth shut anyway. He hasn’t been as much of a dick today and you’d rather keep it that way. 

“Here,” he motions through the trees and you stumble into an abandoned neighborhood. It’s been submerged in water, you can spot some old apartment buildings peeking up through the top. 

Briefly, you wonder if you’ve ever passed your old home and just never realized it. You dismiss the thought as quickly as it comes, not willing to let your mind linger on thoughts like that today. 

You slowly make your way to the water, still not entirely trusting of his intentions. He’s made it clear he’s keeping you around for the long haul, but that doesn’t mean he’s stopped tormenting you. “You’re really gonna let me use your Radaway?” You call over your shoulder. 

He sighs and leans against the trunk of a tree. “Get your ass in the water, I won’t wait around all day. 

You’re not dumb enough to fully submerge yourself in radiated water. You just rip a piece of your shirt off and dunk it into the startlingly blue lake. You use it to scrub yourself down, rubbing your arms until they’re raw and feel clean enough. 

You shuffle closer to the water, trying to bend over enough to scrub your face a bit. But when you gaze down into the water you find something gazing back up at you. You scream, scrambling back just as that thing leaps out of the water and towards you. 

Something pink and wet slams into your chest and knocks the air out of your lungs. You grope blindly in the mud for your gun as it opens its mouth. Horror and disgust fill you when you see what’s in its mouth, human fingers dangle like disgusting uvulas. It darts forward, jaw posed to clamp around your whole face. 

A loud bang echoes through the lake. The thing goes flying back and causes ripples to drift across the surface of the water. You clutch your chest, trying to get your breath back and scoot closer to get a better look at whatever attacked you. It’s the size of your torso and looks startling like some deformed axolotl. He’s left a large bullet hole in the middle of it’s head deformed head.

“What the fuck?” You whisper, shakily getting to your feet and groaning when you realize whatever you’d manage to clean off had been replaced by a thick layer of mud. 

You turn around, hoping for some sort of explanation from him, but he’s just bent over laughing, gun still smoking. You grab your bag out of the muck with a huff and glare at him. “Really?”

He straightens up, still grinning and shakes his head. “You should have seen your face, you were petrified.”

”Well, I’m glad someone enjoyed that.” You glare down at the corpse, eyes wide with horror, “It’s got fucking fingers in it’s throat. Human fingers!” He saunters over to you, entirely too pleased with himself. He grabs his inhaler out of his bag and loads it with Radaway. He tosses it over to you and you catch it with your good arm. “You knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?” You press down and take in a deep breath, ignoring how bitter the juice tastes. 

“Never trust anything, rule number one of the Wastelands darling. Can’t even trust the water.” There was a loud roar off towards the middle of the lake and he nodded his head back towards the tree line. “Come on, that one was just a baby Gulper. Momma’s gonna be by soon and I can’t imagine she’ll be real happy.” He walks off without you and you’re stuck staring at the dead mutant. 

“That was a fucking baby?” He laughs at you again and when you catch up with him, you can't help but laugh a little yourself. You probably looked ridiculous, wrestling in the mud with what, apparently, was only an infant. 

He grins at you, “You got a lot to learn.”

You roll your eyes, “Yeah, I know.”

He’s kneeled down beside you, fingers prodding at the reddened area around your wound. It feels a bit better now, more like touching a fresh bruise rather than raw nerves. He poured some water from his canteen over the area and retied the bandage. He stood up and moved away from you while you dug around in your bag for another ration bar. 

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You’ve got the bar positioned between your knees, and you’re trying, hopelessly, to open it up with one hand. Your fingers, now dusted with dried mud, slip uselessly against the packaging. 

He looks up at you and lets out a loud sigh. “Give it here.”

”I’ve got it-”

“Give. It. Here.” You huff but toss the bar over to him. He rips it open in one smooth move and throws it back to you. You catch it with your good hand and take a large chunk out of it. It feels like rubber and tastes oddly like dried out meatloaf. You’re not exactly sure what flavor it’s supposed to be replicating, but you figure it’s so old it doesn’t really matter as long as it fills you up. 

He pours some water from his canteen onto a ripped piece of cloth and tosses it at you. You’re unprepared, bar in hand and midchew, it slaps against your face and you scowl under the fabric. “Really?” You mutter, mouth half full. You yank it off your face and give him a questioning look. 

“Just clean yourself up.” 

You drag it across your face and arms, trying to get off as much residual mud as you can. Your clothes are a stained, lost cause, but this will do for now. Not like you’re going to get much better without going up against some mutant monster. 

“You’re being nice today?” It comes out like a question more than anything. Probably because you’re having trouble trusting him, especially after the Gulper incident. You wished you could say you can’t believe he would do something like that, but you’re pretty sure he’d been hoping the mom would get you, not the baby. 

He shrugged and leaned back against a fallen log. “Feelin’ chivalrous.”

You hummed but didn’t push. You forced down another lump of your ration and reached for your water. “Where are we heading anyway? Been walking for a long time but we haven’t seem to have gotten anywhere.”

“There’s a compound I took a bounty for. We’re on our way to deliver it.”

You tilted your head as far back as you could, tongue out and hoping to catch the remaining drops of your water. “Shit,” you tossed the canteen back in your bag, already knowing it was hopeless. 

“Ah, hell,” you glanced up and saw Cooper rifling through his supply box. 

“How are you on Radaway?”

He sighed and chucked the box back into his bag. “Got two vials left.” He ran his tongue along his teeth, a pensive expression on his face. 

You sighed and rubbed idly at some mud left on your fingers. “You’re gonna need more soon.”

He cut you off with a sharp laugh. “Faster than soon, this is the diluted shit.” He rubbed at his chest and you wondered if he was already starting to feel the effects of being so low on the medicine. You can’t believe he gave you a vial of his own with so few left. 

Bastard must’ve really wanted to see you get jumped by a gulper. Your face twisted up in distaste and any twinge of sympathy you’d felt for him dissapeared. You wished he would cough so hard he’d choke on his tongue, at least then you wouldn’t have to listen to his bullshit anymore. 

He looked over at you and then your bag. “Got any of that purified water left?” You shook your head, crumpling the wrapper of your bar up and tossing it somewhere behind you, 

“Just ran out, not sure where I’m gonna find more.”

He chuckled and stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I do,” you stood up and grabbed your own bag, following behind him. 

Loud laughter and rowdy conversation drifts into the night air. You sit perched behind a large boulder, staring into the building across from you. It’s an old supermarket, refurbished to fit the Wastelanders' needs. “They’ll have what we need?”

He doesn’t look at you, his sight is dead set on the men milling about in front of you. They’re clearly guards, switching positions every couple of minutes and loaded to the teeth with weapons. Cooper silently tracks them, eyes darting between them as they switch positions yet again. 

“Yep,” he lifts up into a squat and watches as one of the men turns his back to lace up his boot. “Now!” He grabs you by the sleeve of your jacket and drags you along as he weaves between the guards. He throws you in front of him, practically tossing you inside the store. 

You hold back your gasp of shock and duck behind a waist-high shelf. There are only seven or eight men walking around inside. They’ve got a fire burning in the middle of the store, the empty shelves pushed back against the walls. Behind them is about the largest pile of supplies you’ve seen since being up here. They could give Ma June a run for her money. 

You peek your head over the shelf and try to get a look at just how many weapons they have. You hear the familiar sound of spurs walking behind you and twist immediately to see Cooper walking calmly towards the group with his hands raised in surrender. He catches your eye and winks before he fully addresses them. 

“Gentlemen!” You sigh and sink back against the shelf, an irritated look on your face. The shelf screeched forward slightly and you scrambled off it, you caught Cooper twitch a little in irritation but he didn’t say anything. He’s been fully noticed at this point, the others all glaring at him with their guns raised. 

He had a full view of all eight men from his perspective. What he couldn’t see, which you could, was a ninth man sneaking up behind him with a knife. He had it poised, aiming to strike right through the back of Cooper’s neck. 

Without thinking too much on it, you leapt out of your hiding spot and used your good arm to point your gun in the man’s face. He came to a stop almost cartoonishly, eyes wide and the knife in his hands trembling when you popped out. 

Cooper barely gave you a glance out of the side of his eye and you figured he knew all about the ninth man. He must have been testing you, see if you really had his back. “Hey!”

“Who the fuck is she!”

“What are you doing here?”

You ignored the sounds of their voices, you kept the gun trained on the boy and motioned him towards the left of the room. He followed, letting you guide him backwards until he was scrambling to hide behind his friends. It’s then that you finally got a good look at just how many guns were trained on you. 

One of them pumped their shotgun and you pulled back the hammer of your gun. Cooper’s guns were still tucked away in their holster, it was just you and however much firepower they could cram between ten pairs of hands. 

“Now, I suggest that you gentlemen put those guns down or my friend here is gonna get a little too friendly with her trigger.”

One of them scoffed, gesturing with the barrel of their pistol towards your right arm hanging limply by your side. “She got a bad arm and a shaking hand.”

“Maybe,” you call out, “but I got a working finger. I only need one of ‘em to kill you.”

Before he can respond there’s another one stepping forward. “She can get real friendly with me.” He’s got a lecherous grin on his face and a look in his eyes that makes your skin crawl. You sigh, sick of the men up here being so predictable, and turn your gun on him. His eyes widen, like he hadn’t seen you pointing it at his friends, and you pull the trigger. 

Your aim is a little off and the recoil is harder to handle with only one hand available to you, but you’ve got a sawed off shotgun in your hand, don’t have to have a great aim to kill a man with that. His twitching body has barely hit the ground before you’re diving to the right and ducking behind a shelving unit. 

Cooper goes to the left, eyes wide in the same astonishment as those men. Bullets started flying the second their friend was on the ground. They were shouting all sorts of insults and threats at you but it was hard to make out over all the shooting.

“You shot him!” Cooper shouted over the hail fire of bullets.

You rolled your eyes and did your best to reload the gun with your wobbly hand. “He pissed me off,” you shouted back at him. You leveled the gun over the top of the shelves and fired blindly. There was a loud yelp and then another Bitch shouted at you, so you must have hit something. 

“You know, I was trying to handle this civilly,” Cooper jumped to his knees and turned around quickly. He fired off a quick succession of shots, four bodies dropped as he did. The rate of gunfire slowed a bit as more men fell. He ducked down and ran across the room, throwing himself down next to you. He tossed his guns at you and tugged yours out of your hand. “Reload me,” you nodded and tugged some bullets out of his bandolier while he used your gun to shoot at them. 

“I’m sure you handling it civilly would have ended the exact same fucking way.”

He grinned and sat back next to you, “Well,” he shrugged, “maybe. Maybe not, doesn’t matter now.” You handed him his reloaded guns and he dropped yours in your lap. “Only a few left, use the shelves as cover and circle around behind ‘em.” He didn’t stay to make sure you understood his plan, he immediately set off, drawing the fire away from you and making a run for it. 

“Shit,” you hissed, struggling to your feet and following his instructions. With only a few of them left it should have been quick work to get rid of the last few stragglers, but the guards from outside had heard the scuffle and were rushing in. Cooper shot most of them but one got close enough to snatch his gun from his hands and throw it to the floor. 

Cooper struggled against the man, his towering form easily overpowering Cooper. Though, your friend didn’t seem particularly worried, if anything it looked like he was letting the man live to draw out the fight, like he was enjoying it. 

You were going to just leave him to it when you saw the same bastard from before with the knife sneaking up behind him again. You rush forward, scooping up Cooper’s gun as you go and shove the man backwards. 

He grunts at the impact but he refused to be deterred. He charges at you, eyes red with rage and blackened mouth frothing like a rabid dog. You try and keep your guard up but you’ve got a gimp leg and a useless arm, it’s not a fight you’re going to win. 

He wraps an arm around your waist and yanks you into him. You grunt, breathing out slowly as you feel his knife slide into your gut. You glance down at the rusted blade and shove your gun under his chin. His eyes widen when you draw the hammer back but you don’t flinch when you pull the trigger, not even when chunks of skull and hair start raining down on you. 

Cooper must have finally noticed the tussle happening behind him because he draws his second gun out from under his coat and ends his little fight with the last of them. You must be in shock, you still haven’t fully experienced the pain that you should. 

There’s a knife sunk past the handle slammed into your gut, you should be feeling something shouldn’t you? You’re sure it’s the adrenaline still pumping through you. Your body is warm from how fast your blood is pumping, your ears ringing from all the gunshots and head spinning from the amount of blood steadily leaking out of the wound. 

“Hey,” you turn around to face him and his eyes widen ever so slightly. You lose your footing and he darts forward, quick arms grab you and draw you into his chest. You clutch onto the sleeve of his jacket, letting all of your weight rest on him while you try and get your panicked breathing under control. 

You’ve had worse injuries than this. As hard as it is to believe, in your time up here, you’ve survived a lot worse than some measly stab wound. 

So why does this feel so fucking bad?

“Oh,” you moan in pain, nearly doubling over. A feeling like a million exposed nerves being set on fire stops you from falling to the floor, instead you push off Cooper and struggle to your feet. 

“Alright, come on,” he grabs your arm again and you have the ridiculous urge to just shove him off you. Your head is swimming,  you feel like you could float away. You look down at the knife again and finally realize just how large it is. One of those hunting ones that was about the width of your hand curled into a fist. 

Well, fuck.

“Hey,” he snaps when you stumble away from him again. “Sit your stubborn ass down, you need help.” He yanks on the straps of your shirt, holding you up and dragging you to a chair, you don’t have much choice as he forces you to sit. Though, the motion causes a wave of excruciating pain to flare through you. 

He kneels in front of you and rips your shirt open, you’re in too much pain to complain about it right now. He hums low in the back of his throat as he takes in the wound. With no warning whatsoever he grabs the knife by the handle and yanks it out like he’s ripping off a fucking bandaid. 

You nearly scream, lurching forward and shoving him away from you. The sudden shock of pain has left you half blind and panting like an animal. “What the fuck was that?” You force out through gritted teeth. He plants a hand on your shoulder and presses you firmly against the back of the chair. 

“Need to get you a Stimpak.” He takes your hand in his and presses it against the wound. Where blood was once oozing, it’s now gushing. You hadn’t realized just how much keeping the knife in had kept the blood at bay. With how rapidly it’s leaving you now you’re afraid. 

You’re afraid that you might not be able to make it back from the edge with just a Stimpak. You can already feel your fingers going cold, pretty soon you won’t be able to flex them and then you’d lose feeling in your arms too. 

“Hey,” he uses the grip he has on your hand to press down on the wound. You groan but he keeps the pressure steady. His eyes bore into your dazed ones, some odd expression in them. “You don’t get to give up. Keep pressure on this, understand me?” Your head flops forward in a lazy nod. 

He could have been gone for a minute or an hour, you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. Your head is foggy, coherent thoughts replaced by loopy ones. You’re struggling to remember where you are or what you’re supposed to be doing. 

Just as your hand slips from the wound, he comes back. He grabs your hand and places it back, holding it there with his own. You appreciate the way he warms your fingers back up, but the rest of you is freezing too. Maybe he’d share his jacket. 

The thought of him sharing anything makes you laugh and he gives you a frustrated look. “Don’t go losing it on me. Not yet at least.”

You lean forward, face nearly pressed against his and grin. “You know, I haven’t heard a thank you yet.”

He scoffed, opening the Stimpak with one hand and preparing the injector. “Yeah, for what?”

“Saving your life, dick.”

You’re caught off guard when he slams the needle into your stomach, your lips part with a silent gasp and you wince at the cool rush of medicine. He grins at you, “Well, thank you for being the only dumbass to get herself stabbed in a gun fight.”

The medicine works fast, you learned that from when he’d shot you. You can already start to feel the pulse of blood slowing and your head clearing up slightly. “Asshole,” you hiss, leaning away from him. But his eyes stay trained on you, on both of your blood covered hands and where they still rest, linked together, on your stomach. 

You find yourself taking advantage of his distraction to really look at him. It bothers you, how after everything, his eyes are still so pretty. It’s the first thing that drew your attention when you were younger. Those eyes of his had you swooning from the first time you saw him on the big screen. 

He catches you but you can’t find it in yourself to care. There’s something odd in the air, a lingering tension from the kiss you’d never discussed. From the silent partnership you’d never voiced. You’d nearly gotten yourself killed for him tonight, the thought finally seemed to be dawning on him. 

His eyes drop to your lips and he leans in. He doesn’t get very far, lips just barely brushing yours before you’re jerking back in surprise. You’re bleeding out in his hands and he kisses you? Your hand is up and cracking across his cheek before you can think about it. 

His head whips to the side with a satisfying crack. He lets out a breathy chuckle, using his free hand to soothe the area you’d hit. He stretches the tension out of his jaw and shakes his head before he looks at you again. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed you. You definitely shouldn’t be further entertaining his ideas that he holds any sort of possession for you, but you’d just realized what that look in his eyes had been earlier. He had been worried about you. 

Cooper has always been the one who protected you. Not the other way around. And as twisted as he’d become, it still relatively remained the same dynamic today. You’d caught him off guard earlier, putting yourself in danger like that for him. And he had been worried about you. 

You grab him by the collar of his jacket and drag him forward before he can decide what to do with the fact that you slapped him. Your lips meet again and he hovers over you on your chair. The hand on your stomach pushes harder against you, deepening the pressure and making you groan into his mouth. 

He doesn’t waste time, deepening the kiss and letting his other bloodied hand drift into your hair. His fingers curl around the strands and he yanks your neck back, manipulating you how he wants and bending you to his desires. You melt into it, into the complete control you allow him to momentarily wield over you. 

You let your mind go blank and just focus on him. You can pretend, for now, that you’re in his old house. You’re coming back after a date at one of those fancy restaurants that he hates, but he takes you there anyway so you can have an excuse to dress up. 

He’ll whisper I love you and drag you to the couch. You’ll start there, his kisses traveling lower until he’s dragging you back to his bedroom. You’ll feel valued, cherished, loved. Cooper will take care of you. 

He parts slowly from you, still keeping a firm grip on your hair. It takes a moment for your eyes to flutter open again. You’re sure you look like a mess, staring up at him with glossy eyes and swollen lips, completely drenched in your own blood. 

“Don’t think about him when I’m the one kissing you, darling.” Your eyes widen and he lets you go. He shoves back from you and paces towards his bag. Any warmth in his eyes, any care, was gone. 

You want to say something to drag him back but the moment has passed. It’s not like he was wrong, you were pretending he was someone completely different to make yourself feel better. 

But you couldn’t make yourself feel guilty when you remembered half the reason you needed the comfort was because of who he was now. He comes back with a needle and thread. He lets the needle hover over the men’s fire for a moment before he approaches you with it. “Stimpak will only do so much, need to sew you up.”

You nodded and looked away as he knelt down and pressed the needle into your skin. You barely felt it,  could barely pay attention to him when your thoughts were on what it was like before. What he was like before. Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach to look at him. 

end. — I do not own the characters or the game/show Fallout, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[butchfeygela]

Ive been rereading this over and over again

and i just feel so bad for the internalized transphobia/transmisogyny embedded in this view like why is going 'hey you know you can be a girl if you want right? bc u say/do a lot of things that trans women often describe experiencing before coming out' being categorized as an accusation! like that alone portrays a lot of internalized hatred for being trans. you cannot accuse someone of doing smth good or neutral. you accuse people of doing smth bad or harmful or illegal.

also like telling an egg they might be a women is not the same as "reclaiming" the way bigots mock gnc closeted people in the slightest. like me and my at the time trans gf saying to a dear friend that she was too pretty to be a boy while we were all high and her coming out as a women within the year is not the same as the middle schoolers who called us slurs bc they could tell smth wasnt normative abt us

also maybe im stupid but i cannot for the life of me understand the claim op makes in the first line. like i sorta get she is saying its not a sin for a cis person to question if theyre trans and decide theyre cis. but is she trying to stay that not only trans people deserve the privilege of being believed abt their gender? bc if so like are the 'trans people being believed' in the room with us rn? in a world deeply escalating its genocidal intent towards trans people, especially tma trans people? are cis people less believed abt their genders? what am i missing here?

[is-this-yuri]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[izfrogzy]

Soft and Innocent Part IV 18+ Aemond x Sister Reader(OC.)

Warnings: 18+ Content, Kissing Heavy petting, fingering, Dry humping/grinding, corruption, sinful acts of the night, consensual passion.

A/N: A bit lengthy and a lot more NSFW content in this chapter.....Lightish Smut in this part.....no P n V yet but tons of Foreplay and confessing love...A bit fluffy and angst but also steamy and smutty....Hope y'all enjoy Tried my best....may not have good grammar or proper punctuation....apologies in advance.....Characters behavior may not be canon but please remember its all AU scenarios for the fun of it....Enjoy the chapter. :)))))

It had been several days since that night. Aemond has not been able to look at his sister since. Any time she was near he got an uneasy and guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He also felt his heart and chest ache whenever he was near her as he desired to hold her close and be with her. But he restrained himself. He continued to keep his distance and remained in his chambers mostly, trying to distract himself and push it all aside.

Aemond was in his chambers when the door to his rooms suddenly opened up. His head snapped towards the door as his hand reached down to his hip where he had his sword in his scabbard on his hip just in case. But he relaxed slightly when he saw it was only his sister standing there in the doorway. “Sister, what brings you to my chambers?” He said with a slight edge and coldness in his voice as he said it. That uneasy guilt feeling rose up again as he looked at her.

She gulped and sighed. “I....I wanted to come see you…Lēkia.” She said a bit nervously after she sensed he was in one of his moods maybe. “But Perhaps I should not bother you.” She said looking away licking her lips she wore one of her loose silk nightgowns....her hair loosely sprawled over her shoulder and back.

He felt as if his breath was stolen from him as he saw her. Her long smooth and rosy looking skin was showing from the nightgown, and her silky smooth hair down her back as she stood there looking away nervously. The guilt and shame once again filled his body as well as that deep desire to be with her in an intimate way....and it was eating him up inside. “No.....it's fine. What did you wish to discuss?” Aemond had to force the word out. 

“I was hoping we could discuss many things maybe?” She asked, looking at him with begging eyes. “I cannot find sleep these last few nights....not since....Mother announced my forced betrothal.” she explained averting her eyes fiddling with her fingers now.

Aemond felt himself tense at the mention of her betrothal, and he once again felt his stomach drop in unease as well as the guilty feeling in his heart. Aemond closed his eyes tightly, trying to steel himself to be strong and not give in to the feeling to hold her close. “Have you tried any dream tea?” Aemond asked in a cold and emotionless tone as he opened his eyes.

She looked at him and huffs “You know I hate the stuff Aemond.” She said pushing past him entering his bedchambers.

Aemond felt her as she walked past him. His body tensed at her sudden closeness to him as he felt a shiver go up his spine as she passed by. He stood stiff and rigid as he did not like her being so close to him. He couldn’t allow it. His feelings were so conflicting all he wanted to do was to hold her close. “I do not know what you expect me to do about your problem then.” His cold voice and stiff body remained.

Seanna sighs and speaks, taking in the dimly lit room of his warm bedchambers, “I merely seek your company......though I get the sense....you've been avoiding me as of late.” She said and glanced behind her looking at him as she slowly turned. “You haven't have you, Brother?” She asked Innocently

Aemond stiffened up even more as she slowly turned back to look at him. He felt like he was going to snap and lose control if she kept looking at him like that. Like she was so vulnerable and helpless. His entire body was on edge just staring at her and her pleading eyes. He swallowed hard as he felt the guilty feelings come back as well as the desire to hold her close. He was going to snap. Gods he was going to snap. 

“No…” He choked out as he looked away from her.

She approached. “What is the matter Brother? You seem off?” She stood before him now, Aemond continued to look away from her even as she came closer. He felt his hand clenching into a tight fist. He wanted to hold her so badly….it was eating him up inside. He felt his body stiffening even more as her smell reached his nose. That sweet smell of her skin and hair was intoxicating to him. He wanted her….desired her so badly it was driving him mad. 

“Sister…” He managed to get out in a strained and tight voice.

“Yes?Lēkia?” She asked gently.

He felt his heart skip a beat as she gently asked him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt that desire and guilty feeling rise up in him again. His entire being ached with the desire to reach out and feel her against him. Aemond slowly turned his gaze back onto her. Feeling his heart skip a beat as he got a full look of her. His eyes traveled over her form in the nightgown and her hair falling over her shoulder. 

“I feel...I am, conflicted sister.” He said in a lowered tone of voice.

Seanna looked at him gently and frowned slightly “Conflicted? Has something happened Dear brother?” She asked calmly.

His eyes continued to gaze over her body as he took in her form. The way you could see the contours of her body thanks to the nightgown she was wearing. Seeing the smooth skin of her arms and shoulders before he finally rested his gaze upon her. He felt his heart beating faster and faster as he looked into her eyes as that guilty feeling once again rose up in him.

“Yes....conflicted sister…..” He whispered and she sighs and looks at him concerned.

He felt his resolve beginning to crumble as his hands balled into fists at his sides. He gritted his teeth as his entire body screamed at him to reach out and touch her. “Sister…..I...I feel I’m losing my mind, and my feelings...they are eating me up inside.” He managed to say the words he’d been holding back the last few days and weeks.

She got close worriedly not understanding and she gently grabbed his arms. “Oh Brother what troubles you so?” She asked so concerned for him.

He felt his heart stop as she grabbed his arms. The feeling of her closeness against him sent a shiver up his body instantly. His breathing became shallow as he looked down into her eyes. There was this deep desire and need inside of him. He wanted to hold her and kiss her so badly. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He didn’t want to. “Sister….it’s you….you…..you’ve been driving me mad.” He said finally admitting his pent up secret he held within him for so long.

She looked at him confused for a second and she blinked, loosening her grip on his arms and she gulped averting her eyes. “Me brother?” she asked, trying to understand his conflict he was having how she was involved in that conflict.

Aemond could not stop himself any longer. He reached out and grabbed her by her arms pulling her closer to himself at this moment. Aemond’s breathing became shaky and fast as he began to lose his mind and give into his need. “Yes...it's you sister...everything about you is driving me crazy. Your smile...your eyes...your hair...your sweet scent...the way you speak. How soft your skin is. I can't stand it...I don’t want to stand it anymore..” He confessed to her and she just stared at him looking shocked and a bit surprised. 

She looked up at him a bit nervously and she gulped. “But Brother…” She said gently.

Aemond could feel his control shattering as she looked up at him with those pleading eyes. He was so close to just taking her in his arms and kissing her. Then he heard the sound of her swallowing slightly. 

“Do....do you have any idea….of what you do to me….Sister….?” Aemond’s breathing became heavier as his grip on her arms tightened and he held her even closer.

She gulped, biting her lips conflicted a moment and she gulped. “It wasn't my intention…” She tried to say flustered.

The more she attempted to speak and deny what he was saying the more his control shattered and fell. Without a second thought he suddenly lunged forward and grabbed her by the waist and pulling her close to himself as he brought his lips down to hers in a desperate and hungry kiss.

His mind was completely blank at this moment as all he felt was her against him and the feeling of her lips on his own. He never wanted to kiss anyone this badly before. All this time he spent avoiding her. He didn’t want to stop the kiss. He felt he could kiss her all night. But he also couldn’t breath like this as they stood, so he reluctantly pulled back. He pressed his forehead to hers as he gasped for air.

She whimpered and panted as he pulled back a bit overwhelmed now as a warmth started brewing within her she felt tingly and light headed.....She gulped as his forehead rested on hers and his arms held her close.

He held her tightly against himself. He couldn’t let her go. He felt like he couldn’t breathe if he didn’t have her in his arms right now. He rested his forehead against hers and he shivered a little as he felt the way she was breathing against him. He gently cupped her face in his hand and began to stroke her cheek as he tried to regain his breathing under control. “Sister...I can’t….I can't deny these feelings I have for you any longer…” He panted out.

He stared down into her eyes seeing her flushed face and heavy breath. She was so beautiful like this, and he knew he would do anything to keep her like this forever. Without thinking about it he gently grasped the nightgown she wore pulling it down her shoulders slightly. Wanting to see the smooth and rosy skin of her shoulders and upper chest.

“Aemond….” She muttered lightly as his lips touched what he exposed.

Aemond shivered as he heard her breathlessly call out his name just like he had imagined. He bent his head down to her exposed skin, planting a kiss on her shoulder and along it to the crook of her neck. As he kissed and sucked on her rosy skin he brought his hands down to her hips and grasped her pulling her closer to himself so they were pressed together.

She breathed heavily and whimpered under his touch. She had never felt this feeling before; it felt like sparks and lightning throughout her body at Aemond's touches and kisses. She whimpered and moaned softly tilting her head back. Then his hand on her hips gently glided over up her body and she gasped in surprise and pleasure.

“B-Brother.” She said breathlessly as her hands gripped the front of his nightshirt.

He groaned softly as he felt her gripping his nightshirt and he continued to kiss and suck on her rosy skin at her shoulder and along her sensitive neck. His hands remained on her hips keeping her pressed against himself. He could feel himself becoming aroused. And he could feel her breathing become more heavy and faster, and he could hear those little moans escaping her mouth. That just aroused him even more.

She panted and she subconsciously grabbed the back of his head, threading her fingers through his hair gently. “Aemond.” She moaned softly. “Please....”

Aemond shivered as he heard her say his name again. He felt her fingers thread through his hair and he could feel his heart picking up in pace. The desire to touch her was overwhelming and he felt like he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“What do you need sister?” He whispered against her neck.

“I....I don’t know.” She whimpered tugging against him desperate for anything from him now.

He groaned against her neck as he heard her whimper. Feeling her tug against him and her pleading tone. That was it. He was gone. He suddenly reached down with his hands and grabbed her, pulling her up and into his arms as he suddenly carried her to his bed.

Seanna gasped in surprise as she was scooped up into his arms. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly she panted heavily as he carried her over to his bed. Her mind was spinning and she felt a new desire come into her. To see more of him....to kiss him again and feel him more. She wanted him. That much was clear. She felt him gently lay her down on the bed.

She laid there all rosy and flushed......she bit her lips and he looked at her and then he started to undress himself while she laid there so innocent and beautiful.

He looked at her on his bed laying there all flushed and rosy from his kisses and he could feel his heart racing and pounding in his chest. He felt his need to touch her more and see her grow more at the sight of her. Without a word he began to undress himself. Taking off the night shirt and tossing it aside before he began to undo his pants. She would see his upper body which was toned and muscular.

Her eyes roamed his bare chest and toned body as he pulled off his shirt. Aemond was fit and muscular but he was more lean instead of bulky like some men. She bit her lips as her skin tingled, and she shivered. Aemond looked handsome and so handsome when his skin was on display. And his chest and his bare arms...he was so handsome.

She nervously watched him approach her and her body on his bed and he started gently pulling off her nightgown.

Aemond reached down to grab the bottom of her nightgown pulling it up and off of her. He tossed it aside and looked down at her naked body upon his bed. She was so beautiful in the faint candlelight. He stared down at her for a moment before he slowly joined her on the bed.

She gasped when he pulled at her nightgown and she felt the cold air touch her body and her breast as he pulled it off her. She whimpered as she was suddenly laid down on her back. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she watched Aemond look down at her taking her in. She shivered as she felt cold but then Aemond was on the bed and she felt her head spin even more as he hovered above her.

She instantly covered her breasts with her arm and her thighs clasped together as she felt the most vulnerable under Aemond's gaze even with his one eye.

He instantly noticed her move to cover her breasts and his eyes widened a bit before he reached down and gently pried her arms away.

“Sweet Sister...there is no need to shy from me...let me see.” He whispered the words as he slowly lowered his body down till he hovered over her.

She gulped and nodded. “I'm sorry Lēkia.” She whimpered, trembling more as she’s fully exposed to him like this.

He gently took her chin in his hand. “Don't apologize...Sister...Sister you are so beautiful...you should never be ashamed of me to see your body, to see all of you.” He gently whispered the words as he looked down at her laying under him. He slowly began to trail his hand down her body, from the side of her neck, down to between her breasts and finally to her stomach. Aemond shivered as he could feel her smooth and silky skin under his fingertips.

She whimpered upon his hands exploring her body....his touched made her body warm up and flush more.

Aemond shivered as she whimpered and arched under his fingertips as he continued to gently touch her. He let his hand continue gently traveling down her stomach, down to the inside of her thighs. He gently used his hand and his fingers to softly caress the inside of her thigh, gently rubbing as he kept his gaze focused solely fixated on her face.

Seanna had her eyes shut as she felt so overwhelmed right now in the best possible way.

He continued his gentle caressing of her inner thighs before he gently cupped between her thighs and he slowly began massaging that spot with his fingers. All the while he kept his gaze fixated on her moaning and flushed face.

She blushed as his hand went down between her thighs cupping what laid down there dripping and flushed....his fingers grazing between her folds.

He groaned slightly as he felt her wetness between her folds as his fingers gently teased and rubbed her. He reached up his other hand gently grasping her face, as his thumb softly stroked her cheek. “Sister....you are so.... beautiful.....so Soft and Innocent.” He whispered the words down at her gently as he slowly rubbed his fingers against her center.

She panted and whimpered more upon his words and his touches her whole body felt alive. She reached her hand up, grasping his shoulder gently and his arm as his thumb grazed her cheek. His touches were driving her crazy and she arched and squirmed to his touch. “Brother…Lēkia…” She whimpered and panted.

He panted and groaned deeply in response to hearing her whimper that word again. He gently leaned down over her more. His body pressed down against hers, he whispered down at her. “Sister... I want to kiss you...I want to taste your lips.” He muttered and groaned against her while he continued to gently rub her now. He wanted to kiss her, so badly he ached.

“Please....” She begged and whines as his fingers continued to rubbing upon her center.

He groaned and groaned again at her request. With no more hesitation he lowered his head and he pressed his lips against hers. Kissing her passionately and deeply. She responded quickly back, her moans muffled slightly from their kissing.

He kissed and kissed her as much as he could, loving the feeling of her against him, of her kissing him back just as passionately. He groaned and moaned into her mouth. He wanted more, he needed more. He began to gently push his fingers harder against her core and rub it.

She whined as his fingers pushed into her again and again as he moved his face away from her she moaned and trembled as his fingers worked against her walls skillfully.

When he pulled his lips away his eyes stayed on her face, and he watched every expression she made and every noise that escaped her moaning mouth. Feeling the way she trembled under his touch.

“A-Aemond..... feels....so good." She whined and met her brother's gaze with her dilated eyes full of desire and need. “Brother….”  

He groaned at her words, at the way she said his name and at her intense gaze on him. “I......I ache for you. I need to be close to you.” He whispered softly while he held her stare and pushed his fingers deeper into her core.

She let out a sting of moans and she wrapped her arms around him. “So do I....but my maidenhood.” She whimpered and whined. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms wrapped around him and hearing her moans and whimpers. He rested his forehead against hers as he gently whispered to her. “Fuck…..You’re right…..” He muttered and then he kissed her forehead “We shall wait on that then alright?” He asked but his sister grabbed him, whining “But....Brother.” She whined. 

He groaned as he heard her whine more as she spoke. “Sister....listen to me. We don't have to....not tonight.” He whispered softly to her while he held her close and he gently kissed her forehead and her temple, he didn't want to hurt her.

Seanna nods but she clung to him still “Don't stop this though okay? your fingers feel so good….” She begged.

He groaned and he leaned down to her and kissed her again. “I won't, I promise....I don't want to stop. I want to hear you and feel you moaning in my arms....for the whole night…” He whispered the words while he gently continued to rub his fingers against her core, pushing deeper into her and rubbing her walls.

She moaned into the kiss and her body squirmed more under his touch once again.

“Yes.....Yes brother please…” She begged her body moving against him slightly for more friction as his fingers continued to pushed into her core again and again.

He groaned and whimpered watching as she squirmed against him for more pleasure and his fingers rubbed her core. He felt himself growing more and more aroused at watching her and feeling her like this. He reached down with his other hand and began to gently stroke his hand up her hip, to her stomach as he kissed her again.

She moaned against his lips.

He groaned as he kissed her, his fingers slowly pulled away from her core as slowly he grabbed her hip gently and gently he lifted his head up just enough to whisper against her lips. “You...You make me crazy sister, you make me so crazy.” He whispered before he leaned down and gently buried his face to her neck as he gently kissed and sucked her sensitive tender skin. All while his hand was on her hip he gently dragged his fingers and nails down her hip leaving red marks till he reached her thigh.

She whimpered and trembled.

“You are so soft and sweet, like a flower.”  He whispered against the sensitive flesh on her neck. Then he slowly nipped the skin gently but with a little bit more force. His tongue licked all along her neck and his lips continued to gently kiss and suck on her delicate sensitive skin. All while he gently rubbed his hand along her inner thigh and 

gently squeezing her skin.

She whimpered and murmured his name as her body was shaking.

He loved hearing her whimper and moan his name. He loved the way she responded to his touches and how her body trembled and squirmed. He slowly continued gently kissing and biting down her throat and down to the crook of her shoulder. As he did he reached down and gently grabbed her thigh and he suddenly gripped his hand around the back of her thigh. He wrapped her leg around himself to keep her close as he pressed his body down against her center.

Seanna whimpered as he rubbed against her....she felt him against her.....he had no plans on taking her virginity that night he definitely needed some sort of release....and proceeded to grind himself against her silky folds and wetness.

He let out a loud deep groan, his breath shuddering and he inhaled as he moved himself against her center.....in doing so building her own peak alongside his as his lengths thickness continuously rubbed and pressed against her spot and entrance without truly entering virgin walls.

When he groaned, he shuddered upon her and she held onto him as he continued his movements grinding against her.

Her moans and whimpers and the feel of her nails against his skin pushed him closer to the edge, his grinding became almost desperate and his breath grew heavier.

“Lēkia.....Lēkia.” She moaned in High Valyrian. 

“Oh....Sister....Mmmm.”  He groaned and grunted against her throat, while her nails left more marks upon his skin on his back and shoulders. Her moans and her whimpering his name were like music to his ears and he continued to press himself harder against her center, building the sensations of pleasure for both together.

His nickname leaving her lips in Old Valyrian made him growl low and deep as his grip around her thigh got tighter. His moans mixed with his heavy breathing and he felt his need to push inside her grow more and more as she continued to say his name and moan. His need to push himself inside of her but he held back from doing so.

She felt so intense, her body felt hot and he was building her pleasure with his touches and his grinding. The feel and sound of his moans and grunts made her feel dizzy, and she was getting close....so close. Her body was trembling as her moans were becoming more desperate. She was babbling the same words in Old Valyrian and she held onto him tightly.

“Lēkia.....Lēkia Avy jorrāelan.” She moaned desperately.....Big Brother I love you....She had said in High Valyrian. “Avy jorrāelan.” I love you.

He almost whimpered. Hearing her say those words in High Valyrian was music to his ears. Her words and her moans mixed together and made him feel like he was drowning in pleasure. “Sister......” He had to stop moving against her for a moment to speak, his breath shuddering and he swallowed hard trying to control himself a little. “You are......perfect.....so sweet.”

Seanna whimpered and looked at him with her glimmering violet eyes “Please.... Lēkia....So close.”

.He groaned and leaned down to her face. He brushed his nose against her face and whispered to her. “Then fall apart into my arms. I have you.” He whispered to her and immediately he started to rub against her again, building the sensations of pleasure as he did his grind against her.

Her body felt so good, the pleasure building and building. Her arms wrapped around him as his pace and her body brought them closer to their peaks. She moaned and panted his nickname and High Valyrian words in his ear, she held onto him, all while his pace continued to build her higher and higher. “Yes.....Yes Lēkia.” She moans filled his bedchambers.

He panted and groaned as he listened to her say his nickname and moaned into his neck. Listening to her sweet voice and as he felt her breath against his neck. It was almost too much for him. “Sister....you....drive me insane.” He groaned the words against her throat. His hips continued to rock against hers. Her body felt so sensitive and his words gave her a pleasant shiver. The feel of his body against hers and his hips rocking against hers......She was becoming overcome by the sensations all around her. Her whimpers became more and more desperate. 

“Please brother......”Her legs tightened around his hips as her moans and gasps increased. They sounded like the sweetest music to him. He groaned and clung to her as he felt himself come undone; he groans and trembling as he continued to grind against her as she was not far behind him now.

Then her eyes rolled back slightly as her back arched and something she never experienced before happened and she almost cries out but he smothered her cries of pleasure with his lips.

He felt her body suddenly arch tightly under him and hearing her moans grew sharper and louder before his lips smothered them. He knew what happened and as he held her close to his body he kissed her. Her body now trembling and shaking slightly under him from the sudden height of pleasure.

She was in such an euphoric headspace. Her body felt light and fuzzy and she didn't want him to ever let her go. So she held onto him desperately at that moment.

She panted and trembled her body felt heavy and light at the same time she was in a bit of a daze now.

He hovered over her and he gently leaned down on his elbow to hold his weight and not to crush her.

He could see her face still flushed and her eyes were heavily dilated from pleasure. He could hear her panting and see her chest rising and falling rapidly. He gently lifted his free hand up, up to cup her cheek and his thumb gently traced her cheekbone back and forth.

“Was I good Lēkia?” She asked faintly totally out of it. He couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped his mouth upon her question, and the way she sounded. He gently leaned down and he kissed her lips gently. His voice was a whisper when he spoke. “It felt like my body was going to explode, Sister, it felt like fire. You were so good. So perfect.” He whispered gently to her as he continued to gently kiss her lips and trace her cheekbone with with his thumb.

“Did you.....I remember Aegon with that girl.....Did you....meet your fulfillment too?” She asked concerned not knowing if he had finished when she did or something.

He gently chuckled once more at her questions. He gently leaned his forehead against hers as he nodded his head slightly in affirmation. He kept his gaze on her face while he spoke to her.

“Yes.....Sister don't worry. I found my release.......” He whispered and gently kissed her forehead while he reached down and caressed the inside of her thigh slowly with his fingertips.

Seanna blushed more. “Truly brother?” she asked gently, nuzzling into him. Aemond continued to gently caress her thigh and he nodded his head while he held her gaze.

“Truly. You.....You were perfect. Don't ever question it.” He whispered gently to her and he slowly kissed her forehead once more. Then he slowly leaned down and he kissed her cheeks and the corners of her lips gently. Slowly his path led down to her chin and he slowly started to kiss and bite and suck on her chin and her throat.

She whimpered and laid there tilting her head aside for him to do more.

“Mmm…” He groaned out as he continued on her throat. He slowly made his way up to the jawline, then to the spot right behind her ear. He gently kissed that sensitive spot under her ear and he gently bit down on the skin slightly and sucked on the skin.

She shuttered and bit her lip. “Brother.” 

He bit down on her skin a little more and his hand gently squeezed her thigh once before his hand began rubbing in the inner part of her thigh again. He groaned lowly against her skin as his other hand was gently supporting him while on his elbow and he slowly began kissing his way back down to her throat and to her clavicle.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around him. “Oh Aemond my Lēkia…” she murmured.

He moaned and groaned again upon hearing her words.

“Sister....” He groaned again as he reached her chest and gently began pressing kisses and gentle bites to her flesh and her collar bone. He loved hearing all her little noises and whimpers, all while he pushed her thigh apart slightly and began rubbing again but gently against her sensitive folds.

“Brother....” She whimpered, biting her lips. “Thought we were done now?” She asked, looking at him with her hazed expression. He groaned low when he heard the words and when he saw her bite her lips.

“....I was going to continue....but if you're too sensitive and tired....I won't…” He whispered against her chest while he peppered her soft supple skin with more kisses and nips to her skin. “No....it's alright…Aemond.” She assured him, smiling softly.

He groaned once more as he looked down at her chest and he raised his head up and he looked at her face.

“Are you sure?....Sister?” He asked gently to her. He didn't want to push her too far or hurt her. He whispered the words softly and gently while his hand began to rub small and slow circles along her inner thigh.

She smiled and pulled him close and kissed him......for the rest of the night Aemond and Seanna spent together in what passion they could share for now......keeping her virginity in check but not allowing her to leave the bed there was tons of ways Seanna will come to learn....to receive pleasure from a lover.....and she knew now.....she truly deep down wanted Aemond now....more than ever before......

Aemond gave in to her embrace and her kiss. He continued to keep her in his embrace all night and the sound of her sweet pleasured and satisfied moans and whimpers filled his ears all night. His hands roamed all over her body, touching and caressing every inch of her skin, memorizing her body and how it felt against his. He never allowed her to leave the bed, not for food or even water. He just wanted her in his arms and in his bed. In his grasp.

By the next morning the sun was peering in through the windows and he finally released her from his grip once more, he knew he had to. After they bathed and broke their fast as she left back for her own chambers he found himself thinking of all their events of the night such events will not be easily forgotten and he had a feeling more will now entail with him and his Soft and Innocent Seanna.

A/N: Stay tuned for part five....may get a bit more steamy ;)))

[pasteloctoz]

Redacted what ifs- Hero AU shitposting

might bring this series back i still need to write up mafia solaire clan.

They have the same powers as they do in the base universe, and unempowered people barely know about empowered people apart from heroes and villains, and D.U.M.P. is a corrupt government that controls people from reaching their true magical potential or whatever.

● DAMN Crew

-Vigilante Freelancer

Feel like Freelancer would initially be some kinda low level villainbc of how they were brought up, but then they meet Caelum and try to do more good than bad.

-Goofy Sidekick Caelum (i miss him so much)

Caelum would be Freelancer's gauge between good and bad. They'd probably become dependent on him at some point because they don't want to loose their temper.

-Hero Gavin

Gavin and FL have a complicated relationship initially and then find out abt eachothers identities and fall in love.

Also Gavin is probably the furthest thing from a hero he's just chillin with the lifestyle mandated by the corrupt government tbh.

Like he knows the government is bad but nothing compares to his life on Aria (forgot how to spell it)

-Support hero Lasko

Lasko is a support hero because of his relationship with Gavin.

-Civilian Damien

-Civilian Huxley

Lasko, Damien, and Hux are less involved in hero life bc they don't know about Caelum. Not to mention I like the idea of people who don't know about someone's trauma helping the person through it.

-Villain Vega

Hes more of a Vigilante but specifically for demon kind (i think ive barely listened to his audios) but in general hes a villain from FL's POV (cus he hurt caelum)

-Hero & Rival Kody

He's not enough of a bad guy to be a villain but he is enough of a parasite to frequent cameos in FL's routine.

● Shaw Pack

-Freelance Hero David

He takes jobs for money, and is indifferent to politics unless it effects his pack.

-Civilian Angel

Genuinely thought Davey was a normal guy (except for the moodyness n shifting). When they find out its about a year into the relationship and Angel isn't having any of that shit. Of course David told them about him being a shifter after a while but not THIS. Safe to say they'd be angry for a while.

-Civilian Asher

He's Davey's chairman, just cannot realistically be a full time hero because its too boring for him. Though he will help David any chance he gets.

Also probably the quipiest mother fucker ever-

-Civilian Baabe

They'd find out about Asher and Davey waaay before Angel and probably keep the secret too. Angel would be real hurt but heal a lot faster with Baabe.

-Hero Sweetheart

-Anti-Hero Milo

He definitely has SH realize the realities of government shit or whatever

Also Davey and Asher know about Milo being an Anti-Hero they just don't give a shit 😭

(I've lost all knowledge of what the fuck is going on with the vamps so im not caught up)

● Solaire Clan

-Support hero Sam

-Vigilante Darlin'

They're kinda on the run after getting a bit too violent with a villain. Then found out that the government is protecting certain villains because of the money they get if they do.

-Villain Quinn

Yes, the villain darlin' got too violent with is Quinn, who tf else would it be?

-Civilian Lovely

They'd still be a civilian after finding out they have magic, despite the government pushing them to be a hero. Although, they'd probably help a lot more after turning.

Another thing- the letters from the government asking lovely to be a hero would stop after their turning. They'd probably be even more angry when realizing that than when the government harassed them. Probably resulting in a breakdown and them thinking theyre worthless now.

-Hero Figure head Vincent

I don't think Vinnie would get too much into action unless absolutely needed.

-Hero Adam

Adam would've been a hero but gave into his cravings when lovely came around looking for vincent. But he wouldve been pushing his hero reputation a lot, if anyone knew of him before he died for good, they would've said hes a terrible hero.

-Hero Alexis

I dont think i need to say more, she'd still be on thin ice after sam's turning, though.

[ofdarklands]

level 90 at last!

so! about black mage

i've been thinking how to describe playing black mage, and i think the simile i used this morning in chat works well enough:

black mage feels like trying to run with a pot full of boiling water in my hands. with other jobs i feel light and agile, but black mage plays like how seeing emet selch as solus run would feel. look at that guy go. i didn't know spines could do that! you can hear his knees crunch, also

mechanically, it's really not nearly as bad as i feared it to be, even though i don't think i'd managed to figure out a decent rotation myself on the first or even third try so, thank you internet people for the guides!

anyway, the boiling pot wheezing trot sensation is not unique to it, though it is the most noticeable of all the casting classes i've played. i'd say rdm>summoner>whm>>blm in increasing awkwardness

so, while i acknowledge that blm is an optimizer's paradise to get the Biggest Booms, probably, playing it feels like it's almost fighting against the game instead of flowing with it and due to that it's just not very enjoyable, for me. it's got the same inflexible rotation that makes dragoon my least played class despite it being very canon for mitr'a

and from a physical perspective my fingers are not very precise on the keyboard, so i tend to fuck up the routine by accident quite often and then i have to correct it or start over and eeeehhhhhh. and my can't-remember-to-click-despair situation. dunno what the problem is with that one, to be quite honest. brain said no i guess :( that one's on me

woops this got longer than i thought so have a readmore

the good:

aforementioned big damages, when i manage to keep the rotation on track. sadly not as much of a plus for me, personally, but it's relevant still

against one enemy, getting immersed in the rotation can be pretty fun, until the 5 aoes come, the boss leaves the arena, and i sigh deeply while creakily running around, not casting

lasso spell goes brrr. it's got a very funny sound effect, in my heart

the 'return to leylines' spell is also great. i've used it mostly to instantly dodge when there's more than 2 sequential aoes. you can play around with these two spells

shoutout to the simplified job gauge for letting you actually understand anything about it. sure it's 3.5 things to keep track of, but for 2 of them you get informed about their readiness with convenient sounds and flashing borders so whatever

big staff to hit people with

cone hat funny

big lb meteorites. very good very cackling

the bad:

moving feels heavy, even when using the instant cast abilities. i keep lagging behind the group even in normal content, and sometimes clicking the right person to yeet to can be a bit hard in alliances or wall to walls. this class needs to do some cardio

clicking fire IV 3 times, then 1 fire I then fire IV 3 more times is. very boring. sorry. rotation 40 years long and rigid like the brutalism. the funnest parts are the thunder procs and the ice phase before going back to fire and the occasional instant cast. oh you sneezed and misclicked and dropped your fire badge thingies on the floor? sorry idiot you get to start over from the top, but sadder this time

this one i only noticed here at the end, but i feel it's very important, maybe more than the rotation: the best and biggest animations it has are the ones for the ice spells, which you use the least. xenoglossy, foul and flare are also good. amplifier, manafont and triple cast feel nice and dramatic to use. paradox i just got but it's also nice with the color mix. the rest i don't even remember, had to go cast them on a dummy. it's fireballs and fire columns it's all fireballs! the blm animations have a lot of boom but they need more heft, if that makes sense? more flying shit going from you to the target, shit shrapneling from the target, rings of fire, fiery eldritch runes, anything. if rdm can shoot 50 explosive roses at a guy for some reason and drk can summon shields of runes, blm can do something fancy also. casting a finisher skill called 'despair' should look like i'm sucking their souls out through a straw

also more casting positions. summoner has a lot and they're pretty different! they got floating symbols and shit. blm has 'slightly crouched' and 'staff held high' in variation 1 and 2, and that's about it from what i can tell besides the selfbuff ones. add some evil runes at least. the paradox wide armed one (i think you float a little?) is a good addition though

anyway, final verdict: it's a good class, but it's very rigid and inflexible to get Big Damages, which is not an exciting exchange, for me. i prefer to be nimble and do less damage but have a more varied and forgiving rng based rotation. also more utility skills! i miss peloton or having a group shield or heal, or even rdm's rez; makes me feel actually useful instead of being just a giant cone hat that produces flamethrower on command. i don't think i'll play it too often, i'm afraid, even though it's a perfectly alright class, and i'm sure i'll get better with time

HOWEVER. if dawntrail allows blm to throw meteorites outside of lbs i might reconsider. they can be small! even magical molotov cocktails if we must. but i want physical flamming objects to hit my enemies and i want to see the animations do that with some flair. just ole fire and spite booms and a couple icicles is not enough. i want to flatten them

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?

(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)

Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.

[positivelyadhd]

I truly encourage you to add things that simply bring you joy to your list of things to do that day.

it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as making your favourite drink or food for lunch or spending some time on a hobby or watching a show you enjoy.

adding things to look forward to and giving yourself time to experience those things is just as important as doing every other thing on that list.

you're allowed to plan to do things for no other reason than it makes you happy.

[valeffelees]

some quick snowbaz sketches for the soul :)

and also this lmfao

[deoidesign]

I bought a very nice at home printer and a very nice at home cutting machine!

Because of this, I'm opening a merch tier on my Patreon for 2024!

And, I can print out your favorite panels for you on my shop now ^^ (I can also print of any of my illustrations! I'll add more paper sizes later as I figure out how to ship them 🧡)

[spitblaze]

listen. listen to me. you HAVE to create art that you want. make things only for you. Forget the engagement, forget the content machine, forget what a 'respectable' artist with 'talent' is supposed to make. if you aren't enjoying the art you're making you're going to hate making art, you're going to fall out of love and despise an essential part of the human experience. i dont care if that art that YOU want is weird kinky art of characters from pre-existing media, the point is that you enjoy making it even if you never ever put it out into the world. the point of making art is create, not to seek approval from others. you're not being graded. just make what you want

[klonoadoortophantomile]

okay fuck it actually heres a drawing from the other day

[ra-vio]

semester is almost over. im dying

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

[cerealmonster15]

throwing all my sappy doodles onto the internet and running AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Points at you. 10 and/or 11 for starstruck?

Two starstruck asks,,,,,,joy of joys,,

Part of an ask game linked here.

#10. What's an au you have for them?

Since them meeting at all is technically an AU i have 3 different ways that they do meet up. There's the one where Juniper ends up with the agency/adjacent to and ends up working with Reggie (have written a fic with this). The next one is Juniper surviving but basically going stealth and living as normal of a life as he can and ending up meeting Reggie through chance (most recent fic I've written). And then there's my personal favourite where Reginald "You're lucky my tracking skills are still up to snuff" Crane keeping himself busy after Phoenix was MIA and finding Juniper still alive (fic I want to write but haven't started mainly because it may end up multi chapter).

In terms of more AU canon bending taking them and putting them in a completely unrelated situation...I have a guilty pleasure Warrior Cats AU for IEYTD in general. Both JJ and Reggie have perfect warrior cats suffixes in their names already (Juniper and Crane) so they're called Junipersong (charcoal bengal) and Craneflight (tabby Norwegian forest cat). It's very silly but the amount of scenes I have in my mind for it...good lord...

#11. How was their first kiss like?

Augh my friend Imp wrote an absolutely excellent fic about it (tragically in the realm of unfinished Google docs) and I'm shaking their hand about it so hard. Basically Juniper kissing Reggie but he like wasn't ready/fully expecting it and Juniper absolutely panicking because he thinks he's misread every interaction between them both since they got closer. The second one is much sweeter though,,