dulichsapagsv-blog

[bloody-bee-tea]

Tattoo

Jiang Cheng decides to get his first tattoo the night he resolves to move out.

There has been a huge fight—yet again—where his father was more concerned with talking about Wei Wuxian, who wasn’t even part of this fight, and where his mother listed every single inadequacy Jiang Cheng apparently had.

And it’s enough.

He’s tired of feeling like shit in his own home and he’s tired of being made to feel like shit and he wants a change.

Which is going to start with him getting a tattoo.

His parents hate tattoos—one of the few things they can agree upon—and Jiang Cheng feels a little thrill going down his back just thinking about getting one.

But soon thinking about it turns into actively imagining, then into planning, and all of a sudden he finds himself in front of a tattoo studio.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t go in that first day; he simply can’t bring himself to. But then he spends another evening in the icy company of his parents, who are no longer speaking to him in the misguided attempt to make him apologize and Jiang Cheng decides that this is it.

He’ll get that tattoo and then he’ll get out of here.

Jiang Cheng goes back to the tattoo studio the next day, and this time he also enters. It’s not at all what he expected to look like, but he scolds himself for even thinking that. Clearly his parents and all their prejudices are way too prevalent in his life if he expected dirty corners and suspicious people everywhere.

What he sees are clean counters, tasteful pics of tattoos and not much else.

Until the most beautiful human being Jiang Cheng has ever seen steps out of a room.

“Hi, there,” the man says and Jiang Cheng does not swoon on the spot. “Do you have an appointment?”

Jiang Cheng slightly shakes his head to clear it and then he squares up.

“No, I don’t. I’d like to make one, though.”

“Alright. Sit for a moment,” the man says, pointing at a couch and then vanishing again.

Jiang Cheng does sit down, unbearably nervous now that he made that very first step and he wrings his hands in his lap. He’s so lost in his own head that he doesn’t even notice when the guy comes back.

“First time?” the guy asks as he puts a glass of water down in front of Jiang Cheng, who nods and gratefully takes the glass to take a sip.

“Yeah. That obvious?” he asks with a small smile and the guy shrugs.

“You get an eye for it, after a while. Nie Mingjue,” he then introduces himself and Jiang Cheng puts the glass back down so that he doesn’t notice how much his hands shake.

“Jiang Cheng.”

“Alright, Jiang Cheng, what do you want?” Nie Mingjue asks, a sketchbook making an appearance and Jiang Cheng swallows heavily.

“Just something small,” Jiang Cheng whispers. “Something I can hide away.”

At that Nie Mingjue pauses.

“I don’t make tattoos that have to be hidden away,” he cautiously says, already closing the sketchbook again.

“Yeah, well, I’m not asking for your opinion here,” Jiang Cheng snaps back before he clenches his jaw and scrubs a hand over his face. “I apologize,” he tacks on, much  more quietly, as he gets up. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Wait,” Nie Mingjue says, sighing himself. “That was unprofessional of me. I just think—this is art, you know. Something you chose for yourself, something you should be proud of. That’s just usually how this goes. But if it’s private, then that’s perfectly fine. I didn’t mean to be an ass.”

Jiang Cheng slowly sinks back down into the couch at those words and Nie Mingjue opens his sketchbook again.

“Alright,” he slowly says. “I want three little dog paw prints on my hip.”

He didn’t give this too much thought, honestly, but it feels right. It’s been years since he had to give his dogs away for Wei Wuxian’s sake and while he’s not mad at Wei Wuxian for that, he does resent his parents for it.

They were just puppies. There was a chance for Wei Wuxian to get acquainted with dogs that didn’t mean him harm. They could have given them to someone close by, so that Jiang Cheng could have gone there to see them every now and then.

But they didn’t do any of these things and just took the only friends away from Jiang Cheng he had at that time.

He is still resentful about that.

“Like this?” Nie Mingjue asks and shows him the sketch he quickly did.

It’s really just those three paw prints, nothing fancy about it, and Jiang Cheng thinks it’s perfect.

“Yes,” he breathes out and he can’t wait for them to be on his skin.

“This will be quick and I have time now, if you want,” Nie Mingjue offers him and that makes Jiang Cheng freeze.

He did not expect this to happen so soon, but after a moment he finds that it’s the only thing he wants.

“Yes,” he decisively says and Nie Mingjue smiles at him.

Jiang Cheng did not need to know that he has dimples.

“Good,” he nods, before he falls into what Jiang Cheng suspects to be the customary first client talk.

Jiang Cheng does his best to listen and nod at the right moments, but he is distracted by Nie Mingjue and the way he talks and moves and sounds.

In the end Nie Mingjue still seems to be satisfied, because he leads Jiang Cheng towards one of the back rooms where he asks him to take his pants off.

Jiang Cheng freezes again because he did not quite make that connection yet, but of course he’d have to at least take of his pants for this. He sheds them quickly, not looking at Nie Mingjue and reminding himself that he must see this several times a day and that surely Jiang Cheng is nothing special.

He barely realizes that his hands are shaking.

“Are you okay?” Nie Mingjue lowly asks him, clearly picking up on Jiang Cheng’s nerves and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what to answer him.

In the end, the truth comes spilling out.

“No,” he admits. “My parents are going to disown me for this, should they ever find out. I mean they are going to disown me either way once I move out, but—yeah,” he finishes awkwardly once he realizes that he’s rambling because Nie Mingjue absolutely did not sign up to hear about Jiang Cheng’s fucked up life.

“Are you safe at home?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng catches him quickly checking him over as if he’s looking for bruises.

“Physically yes,” Jiang Cheng gives back as his eyes start to burn. “Emotionally not so much,” he adds in a whisper, admitting to this for the first time out loud, and he sways into Nie Mingjue when he clasps his shoulder.

“But you’re taking steps,” he says and it’s not a question.

“I’m taking steps,” Jiang Cheng agrees and finally gets on the cot, ready to get this first rebellious step done.

“Good,” Nie Mingjue says, clearly still worried, but also satisfied and when he starts the tattoo gun they don’t talk much more.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is struggling. He feels isolated and lonely and like his parents scathing silence is going to suffocate him one of these days, even after he moved out, and there’s only one thing Jiang Cheng can think of doing.

He finds himself back at Nie Mingjue’s tattoo studio.

“Back so soon,” Nie Mingjue greets him with and Jiang Cheng realizes that it has only been three months since he got the paw prints.

It feels like so much longer, with everything that happened.

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng awkwardly says and sinks down in the couch again. “I want something bigger.”

“Something you can’t hide,” Nie Mingjue replies, even as he sits down with his sketchbook. “How is that situation going?”

“I moved out. I’m not talking to my parents. But—” he trails off, unsure if he should really just unload all of his bullshit on this stranger.

“But there’s a lot of shit to unlearn and figure out for yourself, especially if this has been going on for a while,” Nie Mingjue says with an understanding nod and when Jiang Cheng stares at him, Nie Mingjue shrugs awkwardly.

“My brother has an interest in psychology and he loves using me as his sounding board. It only got worse when he took up some classes at university.”

“Ah, I see,” Jiang Cheng says and then sighs. “I’m deciding if it’s worth going to see someone,” he then admits lowly and cringes immediately afterwards. “I’m sorry, this is not what I’m here for and it’s absolutely not your job to listen to me.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised how many people see this as a therapy session,” Nie Mingjue gives back, and while Jiang Cheng would usually recoil at that, it doesn’t sound judging.

“But I’m here for this,” Jiang Cheng says and puts a slip of paper on the table.

He’s by no means an artist, but he has always enjoyed doodling and he’s perfectly capable of designing his own tattoo, especially when he gives it more than just a few days thought.

“That is bigger,” Nie Mingjue says with a raised eyebrow as he picks the paper up. “Much more difficult to hide.”

“No more hiding,” Jiang Cheng resolutely says. “I want it to curl around my arm, the head on the back of my hand.”

“Really big then. From shoulder to hand?”

“Yes.”

“Mh,” Nie Mingjue hums as he starts to sketch something.

When he turns the sketchbook to Jiang Cheng it’s still the snake and nothing fundamentally has changed, but it still looks better than the basic design Jiang Cheng came up with.

He itches with the need to get this on his arm.

“Yes,” he breathes out, reaching out to brush his hand over the sketch. “Please.”

“You’ll need an appointment for this one,” Nie Mingjue says as he gets up to schedule Jiang Cheng in.

It takes Nie Mingjue three sessions to get the snake done and Jiang Cheng loves it more than he thought possible.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng takes his time for the third tattoo. He takes his time to get used to living alone, takes his time to figure out if he really wants to go for a business degree and most importantly, he takes his time to get back together with his siblings.

They didn’t quite fall out when Jiang Cheng moved out, but he kept his distance for a while and now he doesn’t.

Now he welcomes them into his home and his new life and he sits Wei Wuxian down to have a real talk; one where he doesn’t allow Wei Wuxian to laugh everything away—either his own pain or Jiang Cheng’s—and afterwards they feel like family again.

Jiang Cheng briefly debates if he wants to do the same with his parents, but he finds that he couldn’t care less.

He can barely think about them without getting angry or nauseous or both and he figures it’s not worth it. Not now and maybe not ever.

So instead of wasting more thoughts on that Jiang Cheng finds himself back at Nie Mingjue’s studio.

“It does get quite addicting, doesn’t it?” Nie Mingjue asks him with a smirk when Jiang Cheng steps inside and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“Especially when you finally figure your life out for yourself,” he gives back and he has to admit that for the first time he’s not nervous as he sits down on the couch.

He knows what he wants and he knows what to expect.

It leaves him time to appreciate Nie Mingjue, though, and that makes Jiang Cheng’s stomach flutter.

There are tattoos on Nie Mingjue as well; making their way down his arms and one peeking out of the collar of his shirt. Jiang Cheng finds that he wants to see all of them.

“Okay, hit me,” Nie Mingjue says as he sits down as well and Jiang Cheng gives him his sketch.

Three lotus pods for him and his siblings. Jiang Cheng does only have good memories of them picking lotus seeds, and especially of Jiang Yanli’s soup.

“Next you’re going to learn how to tattoo yourself and then I’ll be out of a job,” Nie Mingjue grumbles as he takes the sketch and Jiang Cheng smiles with pride.

He did put an awful lot of work into this.

“I want it on my calf,” he tells Nie Mingjue who nods.

“Easy enough, but you need an appointment.”

“Sure,” Jiang Cheng shrugs and his eyes drop to Nie Mingjue’s hands, which are still holding his sketch.

Honestly, Jiang Cheng did not expect his heart to beat faster at that, or the thought that Nie Mingjue will put his hands on Jiang Cheng’s skin soon enough but he’s not going to stop it either.

The pods don’t take much time at all once the appointment comes around, and soon enough Jiang Cheng is stepping out on the street with one tattoo more.

It feels like he’s reclaiming bits and pieces of himself with every tattoo that he gets and he honestly doesn’t want it to stop.

It’s only a little bit because he wants to continue seeing Nie Mingjue.

~*~*~

“You’re going to be a regular soon,” Nie Mingjue says with a smile when Jiang Cheng steps into the by now so familiar studio yet again and he frowns, affronted.

“It’s my fourth time. How much more do I have to come by to be considered a regular?”

“Well, the true regulars drop by just to say hello, too,” Nie Mingjue says, clearly trying for nonchalant but Jiang Cheng sees the tension in his shoulders.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, but he still sits down on the couch. “But today I’m here for an appointment.”

“Do I even need to bring my sketchbook?” Nie Mingjue asks, clearly remembering that there was nothing for him to do the last time Jiang Cheng came by but Jiang Cheng nods.

“I just have an idea. I need you to draw it.”

“Oh, alright,” Nie Mingjue says, and is quick to retrieve the book before he sits down. “What do you want?”

“I want water, or waves, under my collarbone,” Jiang Cheng says and points at the spot.

It hasn’t been that long since he started to swim again, but he already knows that it will be a big part of his life from now on.

Jiang Cheng used to love it, until his parents made it into a competition between him and Wei Wuxian and pressured him to do better and better. Jiang Cheng stopped after one too many silver medals and he never picked it up again, too afraid of falling back into old habits, of feeling like shit for doing something just for fun, no matter how much he loved it.

But he picked swimming up again, and it turns out he’s still good and he still loves it. Even more now that he can just do it for fun and challenge himself if he feels like it.

And he wants a tattoo for it as well. It’s another piece of himself he reclaimed after all.

“Like so?” Nie Mingjue asks, showing Jiang Cheng the rough sketch.

It’s a little bit too stylized for Jiang Cheng’s taste and he tells Nie Mingjue so, who turns the page and starts again.

When he shows Jiang Cheng the new sketch, it looks more realistic and it’s exactly what Jiang Cheng wants.

“Yes,” he breathes out and smiles.

That one feels just as right as his other tattoos had.

“Water, huh?” Nie Mingjue asks, quite awkwardly Jiang Cheng thinks but he smiles at Nie Mingjue.

“I recently re-found my love for swimming,” he tells him. “It helps that my parents are not yelling at me to win a gold medal.”

“Did you use to? Win gold medals?”

“No. My brother did though, which both my parents used to rub in, in very different way. I stopped because they made me dread going into the water but now that I’m just doing it for fun,” he awkwardly trails off. “I still love it.”

“That’s good to hear,” Nie Mingjue tells him and Jiang Cheng is surprised when Nie Mingjue squeezes his shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you do look better. Definitely happier than the first time you came in.”

It makes Jiang Cheng flush, because he didn’t know that it had been that bad or that Nie Mingjue had been paying attention to him.

“I am. Better. Still on the way with a lot of things, but definitely better,” Jiang Cheng gives back and he tries very hard not to think about the fact that he still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his future or if he wants to get a dog, despite Wei Wuxian’s fear, or if he’ll ever be man enough to ask Nie Mingjue out on a date.

But slow steps. First he gets this tattoo and then he can think about what comes after.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng never gave much thought to his sexuality beyond the fact that it wouldn’t matter who he brings home; his parents were surely going to hate them, just because it was Jiang Cheng who introduced them.

He had looked at a few boys during school, but his mother had made it very clear that Jiang Cheng was going to get married to a business woman of her choosing, producing heirs for the company as soon as he could, and Jiang Cheng didn’t think much beyond that except ‘Fuck no’.

But now he has time to re-evaluate his sexuality and while he would probably label himself as bisexual at the moment he’s very definitely Nie Mingjue-sexual.

Not that he’s ever going to mention that to the man himself.

He’s standing in front of the tattoo studio yet again, even though he doesn’t have plans for a new tattoo yet. But Nie Mingjue had said regulars came by whenever, and Jiang Cheng wants to have that connection with Nie Mingjue.

He just can’t bring himself to make the first step.

So instead of going in, he walks up and down on the other side of the studio, berating himself that he just can’t bring himself to do it, but just as he is about to turn around and go home, Nie Mingjue steps out and walks straight up to him.

“Nervous?” Nie Mingjue asks with a teasing smile and Jiang Cheng deflates.

“I’m not quite sure how to make friends,” he admits and then wishes the ground would swallow him, because Nie Mingjue never said anything about being friends and it’s not quite what Jiang Cheng wants anyway.

“Usually you start talking to them,” Nie Mingjue says and steers Jiang Cheng towards a coffee shop.

“About what?” Jiang Cheng helplessly asks but he allows Nie Mingjue to lead the way.

“How was your day?” Nie Mingjue starts and Jiang Cheng finds that talking to Nie Mingjue over a cup of coffee is one of the easiest things he has done.

They start to do it weekly.

~*~*~

“Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue warmly greets him when Jiang Cheng steps into the studio again but he frowns when Jiang Cheng sits down on the couch. “You didn’t say anything about a new tattoo.”

It almost sounds accusing and Jiang Cheng helplessly shrugs.

“I woke up with the burning need to get one, so here I am.”

“Ah, a true addict,” Nie Mingjue says with a shake of his head, but he does get his sketchbook and sits down with him. “What’s it gonna be this time?”

Jiang Cheng takes a moment to gather his thoughts, letting his eyes wander over the tattoos on Nie Mingjue’s arms and he wonders if he can ever bring himself to ask to see them up close. To learn the story behind them.

“I want a lotus flower in the middle of my back,” Jiang Cheng finally says and it’s just because he still has his eyes on Nie Mingjue’s arms that he sees him jerk at his words.

“Between your shoulder blades?” Nie Mingjue asks to clarify and Jiang Cheng nods, finally looking up.

“Yes. And I want it in colour, too.”

It is the family crest and Jiang Cheng was torn about that for a long time, but it’s still his family and it’s still such a big part of himself that he needs to reclaim. Especially since his father does still want him as the head of the company and Jiang Cheng decided to do it.

“Oh, dear gods,” Nie Mingjue mumbles and Jiang Cheng frowns, torn out of his thoughts.

“Something wrong with that?” he wants to know but Nie Mingjue is quick to shake his head.

“No, not at all,” he says, busying himself with his pencil.

They fall into an uneasy silence and Jiang Cheng wonders what he did wrong to make Nie Mingjue respond like this, but before he can come up with a plausible explanation, Nie Mingjue gives him the sketchbook.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng breathes out. “It’s gorgeous.”

He didn’t dare imagine the design too much, because he wanted Nie Mingjue to create it, but Jiang Cheng did not imagine this.

“Yeah?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng frowns when he hears his voice crack.

“Yes! When can we do it?” he asks, suddenly eager to get it done as quickly as possible.

“I have time today, if you’re really sure,” Nie Mingjue gives back and Jiang Cheng practically beams at him, which clearly is answer enough.

“Alright, get ready then,” Nie Mingjue says with a nod of his head towards the same back room they always use and Jiang Cheng eagerly makes his way over there.

He’s just taking off his shirt when he hears Nie Mingjue come back in, mostly because he hears the muttered “Fuck”.

“Mingjue?” Jiang Cheng asks, turning around, his shirt still around his arms. “Is something wrong?”

“Wanyin, you can’t do that to me,” Nie Mingjue breathes out, his eyes trailing over first his tattoos that Nie Mingjue himself put there and then towards his shoulders and back.

“Do what?” Jiang Cheng asks, honestly confused, but there’s something in Nie Mingjue’s gaze that makes him go hot all over.

“You can’t let me mark you up all the time and then not go on a date with me,” Nie Mingjue says, finally meeting Jiang Cheng’s eyes and it takes Jiang Cheng a moment to smile at him.

But once he starts, he can’t stop.

“Well, you’d have to ask for me to say yes,” he tells Nie Mingjue, finally taking his shirt off. “Why now, though?”

“Now,” Nie Mingjue huffs out and steps close, dropping a quick kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head, catching him completely off guard with that. “As if I didn’t want to ask you since that first time you came into my studio.”

Jiang Cheng can’t hide his blush, he’s sure of that, but when Nie Mingjue’s gaze goes soft, he finds that he doesn’t mind.

“Okay, but why now?” he asks again, though he couldn’t be happier despite the fact that Nie Mingjue still didn’t ask him out.

“You look happier, more grounded,” Nie Mingjue tells him. “And honestly, I’m only human. There’s only so much self-control I have, especially if you’ll allow me to mark up that masterpiece of a back.”

“I swim a lot,” Jiang Cheng says, smug as anything, because Nie Mingjue looks like he could bench press Jiang Cheng if he really wanted to and to hear that he likes how Jiang Cheng looks, that’s quite the ego boost.

“I see,” Nie Mingjue says, though he sounds strangled. “Go on a date with me, Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue then says, and Jiang Cheng likes the fact that it’s not even really a question.

“Weekly dates are not enough for you?” he teases Nie Mingjue, absolutely delighted by how this is going and he enjoys seeing Nie Mingjue flounder for a bit.

“You owe me at least twelve kisses then,” Nie Mingjue finally says, sounding absolutely indignant and Jiang Cheng chuckles.

“You only want one kiss per date? That’s quite disappointing, really,” Jiang Cheng says with a smile and Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes.

“We’re working our way up, once it’s officially a date and not just coffee. But you can owe me all the kisses you want.”

“I think I like that,” Jiang Cheng happily says and leans in to get started on repaying his debt right that instant.

It leaves Jiang Cheng breathless when they part and he’s strangely relieved to see that Nie Mingjue is not doing that much better himself.

“Your hand will be steady enough for this, right?” Jiang Cheng can’t help but to ask, because he wants that tattoo now and he would be disappointed if Nie Mingjue said no.

“I’m a professional,” Nie Mingjue huffs out, even as he gently cups Jiang Cheng’s cheek in his hand. “I managed to keep a steady hand all the other times, too, didn’t I?”

“That you did,” Jiang Cheng gives back and nuzzles into the hand.

They lose themselves a little bit in each other for a while, but eventually Nie Mingjue does get to prove that he has a steady hand, despite the circumstances.

Once the lotus flower on Jiang Cheng’s back is done, they go on their first official dinner date.

~*~*~

On their one year anniversary, Jiang Cheng gets Nie Mingjue to tattoo a green band around his right arm and Nie Mingjue manages to make it look like it’s shining from the inside.

Jiang Cheng catches Nie Mingjue wiping away a tear once he’s done and he would tease him for it, but since Jiang Cheng cried when Nie Mingjue revealed that the frog over his heart was for Jiang Cheng, he fears he has no leg to stand on.

Paw Prints Snake, expect imagine this spanning down the whole arm Lotus Pods Water, under Jiang Cheng's collarbone Lotus Flower, except it's in the middle of Jiang Cheng's back Green Band, there's no real pic for this, but imagine this ring as a tattoo around Jiang Cheng's forearm, because Mingjue's name is made up out of the characters for 'bright, shining' and 'jade ring' if google didn't lie to me

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[robotslenderman]

Kids argue to understand. Adults don’t.

Kids: I wish I could tell you that this is something all adults in their 20s figure out once they become adults, but that’s just not the case. We’re too busy living our lives to revolve our thinking around the occasional teenager we run into and what might be going through their heads. Sorry.

Anyway a realisation I came to today is that I was arguing with what I thought was a complete moron on Reddit that I started to think was a kid. I pointed it out to the other exasperated people who were telling this person “What the fuck is wrong with you” and when I did, they went, “Hey, I didn’t think about that, you might actually be right.”

And then I broke down why I thought they were a kid, and I thought it would be useful for both kids and adults so I’m rewriting it here.

It basically boils down to the title -- kids argue in order to understand and ask questions. Adults argue to convince and educate. Arguing with a kid will teach them, but it will not teach an adult.

So at first glance it’s hard to tell the difference between an adult that doesn’t give a shit what you’re thinking and a kid who genuinely does and is operating in good faith.

Kids do not have the social skills to ask questions in a way that adults understand is in good faith. No, kids, this doesn’t mean you get off scot-free, because you gotta sit down and learn them if you want to engage with adults and have them take you seriously; this is not a skill you will magically develop once you hit 18 and it’s on you to work on it.

But us adults can also learn to spot kids on the internet and then change how we interact with them and encourage them to develop those skills. Again, the onus isn’t on us, we’re not their parents. But a bit of gentle advice can’t hurt.

So how can you tell if the person who’s arguing with you is a(/nother) kid?

Let’s say someone who’s either a potential idiot or an actual kid who doesn’t know better tells you “jet fuel can’t burn hot enough to melt steel beams.”

So you tell them they’re wrong and why.

And they keep fucking arguing with you.

An adult operating from bad faith will make more statements than questions, and will do so in defence of other statements they have made. “No, jet fuel CAN’T burn hot enough, here are links from several dodgy and obviously uncredible websites.”

An adult operating in good faith, on the other hand, will concede your point. “Huh, that evidence looks solid” or “you put it in a way I didn’t consider” or even “that looks good, but I still have questions.” (<--- Kids, pay attention, this is what you should be striving to do when engaging with people online.)

A kid, on the other hand, will often not acknowledge when an adult has refuted their claim; the adult has proven the kid’s point as wrong, so the kid will often simply no longer defend it. Kids are trained to simply nod and shut the fuck up when an adult has adequately corrected them, and have not yet internalised how important it is to validate that the other person’s view is a solid one. So if a kid thinks you have a point, they’ll do what they do in real life -- drop the matter. (Kids, when you are engaging with people online, you don’t want to do this. You have to show adults you are listening, we will not magically know, especially online when we might think we’re engaging with another adult or can’t see your body language of you nodding in agreement as you read.)

Okay, so you’ve given them your evidence, and the person on the other end of the screen thinks it’s potentially but still has questions before they actually accept what you say. How does a kid VS an adult usually ask you to elaborate, or asks questions?

Kids will keep on fucking arguing. They don’t have the social skills yet -- they’ll just argue. Again, when a kid argues they’re trying to understand, but if the other person thinks this person is an adult, they will take it as the kid not listening because when adults argue, it’s to convince and educate. An adult will see this argument as an attempt to tell the adult they are wrong, not the sincere, good-faith attempt it usually is to better understand the adult.

So what does an adult do when they have questions? They just fucking ask. But unlike a kid, they know how to ask so as to reassure the person they’re talking to that they are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

The way they do it is the key, here -- an adult knows how to word it in such a way as to get across the good faith attempt.

Kid: “But jet fuel burns at X temperature, and steel melts at Y temperature.”

What another kid will hear: “Huh, I thought jet fuel burns at X temperature. If that’s the case, then it couldn’t melt steel because steel melts at Y temperature. So if what you’re saying is true, what would have to be going on to allow the fire to get hot enough to melt steel?”

What the adult hears: “This person thinks jet fuel can only burn at X temperature, and therefore think my argument is wrong and they will not listen to me because they think I’m wrong and therefore not worth listening to.”

Then we have:

Adult operating in bad faith: “But jet fuel burns at X temperature, and steel melts at Y temperature.”

What another adult hears: “This person thinks jet fuel can only burn at X temperature, and therefore think my argument is wrong and they will not listen to me because they think I’m wrong and therefore not worth listening to.”

What a kid hears: “Huh, I thought jet fuel burns at X temperature. If that’s the case, then it couldn’t melt steel because steel melts at Y temperature. So if what you’re saying is true, what would have to be going on to allow the fire to get hot enough to melt steel?” 

And then we have:

Adult operating in good faith: “Huh, I thought jet fuel burns at X temperature. If that’s the case, then it couldn’t melt steel because steel melts at Y temperature. So if what you’re saying is true, what would have to be going on to allow the fire to get hot enough to melt steel?” 

What the adult hears: Exactly what they said. They have acknowledged that they’re struggling to reconcile how this works, and are asking you to clarify.

What the kid hears: Exactly what they said. They have acknowledged that they’re struggling to reconcile how this works, and are asking you to clarify.

And this is why there’s such friction between adults and teenagers. Teenagers see the way they’re communicating as genuine attempts to understand, whereas adults just see it as insulting their intelligence.

And it’s so easy for kids to go “well they’re adults and have better social skills, they should know better!”

Except a lot of the time we don’t know better because this is shit we just absorbed from adulting and weren’t actively taught (because one of the first things you learn as an adult is that if you want to learn things, it’s your job to learn it), and when we do, we often don’t give enough of a shit to sit down and talk you through this, because it’s not our fucking job and we have other shit to do. The truth is, we don’t care you’re mad at us for not acting like your parent, and we actually find it rather creepy. Like, really creepy and inappropriate. Dude!! Boundaries!!

And honestly it just links back to how fucked up the education system is that kids grow up actively thinking that it’s every adult’s duty to bestow knowledge upon them regardless of what they want to do. And you can be mad at us adults for making that system, but the truth is that 99.9% of us didn’t have any input and continue to have no input and are too busy living our own damn lives anyway to overhaul something that teaches you things you’ll unlearn in a few years once you’re out of it anyway.

[juupajaa]

Let's talk about coping skills ok? Here's some shit you can start using/practicing while unlearning disordered eating:

Sleep. Oh my god yes. This is one of the most effective ways to block Bad Shit in real life. Sleep is the closest thing we have to a reset button and getting enough sleep is just as important as getting enough food, so don't ever think you should feel bad for sleeping. How: Forming a good sleeping schedule can be hard but thankfully it gets automated after you've done all the hard work. Waking up the same time every morning (even when you could sleep in or you had just an hour of sleep😴) helps your body to recognize it as a pattern and it will adjust to it. Your body's own clock can be a huge asset if you give it a schedule. It will wake you up at the same time and make you tired at the right time, but first you have to be consisted with how you sleep. Long naps and irregular waking hours make your body confused about when it's supposed to feel tired. Caution: if you already have sleep problems, napping might make them worse. Naps should never go on for over an hour! 20-30mins is the optimal time.

Activity: Now this can mean exercise and exercise is a perfectly good way to get your mind back to reality and the stress relieving effects of exercise are known by everyone and their mother by now. BUT activity can be easy and chances are you have a fecked up relationship with exercise anyway. How: Taking a walk or doing yoga/stretching/breathing exercises are a good substitute for exercise and even better if you can do it in nature. Walking is great bc you can do it just the way you want, with music, in silence, with a friend, alone, at night, in the morning, noon, sunshine, rain, whatever you want. Even just ten minutes is enough to get you over the worst crap. Caution: obviously exercise is off limits if you can't do it responsibly. If you've anxiety about going outside, start easy. Maybe just around the yard/your street? Your room maybe?

Daydreaming: Aw feck yeah, this is the best 😎 Daydreaming is my main thing and I've found it to be most effective in fighting that existential dread that hits me every time I start to feel like I'm not everything I could be. How: Basically just go somewhere you won't be disturbed for a while and start making up all those fantasies! If you're drawing a blank, find magazines, social media, music, whatever you need to get you going. I usually go to some really neat tumblr blogs to look at the cool pics of shit that makes me think that I've still stuff to do. Self care tags are also really helpful. Making lists can also make this more fun and it's important to remember that you aren't committing to anything, you're just daydreaming and making some vague plans and dreams. Caution: you can definitely go overboard with this. Take note of your state of mind when you start eyeing for inspiration, bc sometimes it can get overwhelming and you'll just get sad about your own life again and that is not the goal of daydreaming at all.

Hobbies/distractions: This could be anything that requires you to focus enough to forget about That Thing that makes you feel like shit. How: Close the door and put on a sick track and start doing that thing baby. It doesn't matter if you do it only for a little while, nor does it matter if you don't do anything "valuable". Just get busy for a while. Caution: Make sure you take on something you can actually do, I know I've walked into that trap quite a lot. If you start some project and it proves to be more difficult than you can do right now, it can make you feel even worse. So do stuff that's doable✌

Pampering: YALL. The amount of times I've had to walk myself to the shower and have a God Damn Relaxing Time is astronomical, but it does make me feel better everytime. How: Anything can be pampering, even something as small as having a cup of tea. Sometimes you gotta dedicate a whole damn day for going through every inch of your damn body and make sure you are clean, fresh and feeling silky and soft, but that's not every day. Painting your nails is also surprisingly fun, ad is sitting down to binge watch your favourite movie for the billionth time. Caution: You've gotta make sure you get to do your thing in peace. Kinda ruins the whole purpose of nice, relaxing self care moment if it's interrupted 😑

Talking to: Ehhhh it works tho. Having a chat with yourself is a good way to do a bit of an reality check and vent at the same time. How: Ask yourself what's up my dude. This doesn't mean you have to find a mirror and talk out loud but that's an option too if you wanna. Just taking a moment to tell yourself that it's going to be fine and to ask why you're feeling like you do can do a lot. It gives you time to process the situation better and look for a possible exit or a solution. Caution: honestly the only thing that go wrong with this is that you start mocking yourself. Don't do that. You get yourself better than anyone so try to be sympathetic when you're feeling like crap.

[mallorytaylorblog]

29th November, 2019

Who do I want to be?

I’m not judging myself here... it doesn’t feel like that. I was just sitting on the couch binge watching my current favourite TV show (”Younger” on Stan, go check it out), and I had to get up. I felt so restless and uncomfortable and I couldn’t figure out why. I still feel kind of icky. The place my sore little feet and legs dragged me to ended up being my bookshelf. My book collection is not as large as I wish it was, and there are so many books I’ve not yet read. I ended up browsing for a minute or two, just taking stock of who I have on my shelf. Lots of personal development books; a book about aliens and the paranormal I impulse bought from an op shop sale; plenty of Jodi Picoult (I just love the way her stories tear you apart then put you back together again) and a few text books for uni, among many others. I reached for one that was tucked away in the corner behind my piggy bank - “Inspired Destiny” by Dr. John Demartini. I’ve been to his seminars and have been fortunate enough to meet him and shake his hand - his teachings have definitely had an enormous impact on me. I realised once I picked up the book that I’d never actually read it - at least not this copy. It is signed by him and although I’ve read this book before I cannot remember what is in it. I’m going to read it again.

One of the things I want to do more often is find time to read for pleasure. I’m always hungry for more knowledge and believe reading books is so important. The uncomfortable feeling I felt whilst binge watching TV tonight stems from a need to feel busy, to feel like I’m doing something that is contributing to my goals. I find it difficult to relax because it feels like I’m “wasting time” when I could be doing something more productive. I dislike feeling lazy and I am ambitious with an idea of what I want my future to look like so I’m often hard on myself when I take time out to do something as benign such as watching TV - and it’s not a habit I indulge in often. The only time I really watch TV is when I’m watching Stargate with my partner (it’s a show we watch together and is part of our cuddle time and connecting, so it doesn’t really feel like I’m being lazy or indulgent). And yes I know it’s important to take time out for yourself, but I truly feel like TV is such a waste of time... most of the time. I mean, I do love a good documentary and sometimes it’s nice to just watch something that’s easy to digest that doesn’t require a lot of critical thinking, especially after a long day. So I appreciate it’s purpose. But 99% of the time watching TV isn’t something I enjoy doing.

That uncomfortable feeling like I was wasting my time had me thinking about what kind of person I want to become... What kind of person I am. I, like everyone I know, am a creature of habit, and the habits we form shape the way our lives play out. The little things we do day in and day out compound over time and impact the long term outcome enormously. Like going to the gym - you’ve got to be consistent to expect any sort of enduring result. Fad diets don’t work for that reason; it’s the lifestyle we live that contributes to our health outcomes. So when I sit on the couch, looking from my phone to the TV, back to my phone, back to the TV, a part of my quiet brain starts to tap on my proverbial shoulder and that uncomfortable feeling washes over me. I could be reading a book and expanding my knowledge, or I could be doing uni work, or I could be meditating. Anything else other than watching TV! Personal growth, as fucking ridiculously hard and uncomfortable and terrifying as it can be, is a something I’m always trying to embrace and even though it can be those things I know it doesn’t always have to be. I can make a conscious choice to seek out my growth and enjoy the journey. Reading, writing, meditating, even study are all things I enjoy and want to do more of.

But it’s the work. The effort that goes into those things. It’s off putting sometimes - especially with study. It sometimes so fucking difficult to set myself up in front of a thick, dense, dry psychology text book and force myself to read it, but once I get stuck into the course material I usually find it’s something I love learning about and before I know it an hour has gone past and I’ve read half a chapter (these chapters a huge, psych textbooks are no joke).

I realise that with anything worthwhile doing there will be challenge, discomfort and self doubt. But the pain we endure by putting off one thing is only easier to endure because the pain we perceive we will experience by actually doing the thing seems so much greater in comparison, even if the outcome of doing said thing is so much more amazing than our current reality. It’s like if you’ve ever broken up with someone - you put off having the break up conversation because you know it will be painful, but you’re persist through the pain of being in a relationship you’re not happy to stay in. Sometimes you’ve just got to tear the band-aid off.

I imagine my future (and current) self to be studious and always seeking to read, know and understand more; to be physically active until I end up on my death bed (ideally); to meditate consistently, and to find the time to read and journal more. These are all things I value and place importance on but I’ve yet to form habits for most of these - I’m not as regular and consistent as I wish to be. That uncomfortable feeling I felt on the couch tonight sometimes paralyses me but it also sometimes drives me to take action. And I’m trying to allow that feeling to inspire me more often.

So I got off the couch and headed to my bookshelf. I am responsible for the way my life turns out, so I’m going to read in bed tonight instead of scrolling mindlessly on my phone. I’m going to meditate because I know I always feel better when I do. It takes a bit of reminding sometimes but I hope to be consistent enough that I don’t have to rely on that pain and discomfort to prompt me - I want the good feelings that come with developing those habits to be what drive me to take action. And in all of this I have to be kind to myself while I take time to establish these new patterns of self care and unlearn old habits that don’t support the future I envision for myself.

Increasing self worth and letting go of judgement seem to go hand in hand here, so this is going to be an excellent time to practice both.

Well it’s before 10pm and I’m off to bed to read. What a wild Friday night! :)

[dwindlingashesburnt]

How long do the shields stay down?

This is something I think is really really important for you to be aware of if you're in a situation that's bad for you or are just doing kinda shit in any way - physical, mental, emotional, whatever. And I'm including stuff like food, shelter, sleep under physical for the sake of this

And that is this - at some point your body and or mind will almost definitely try to protect you by shielding you from it. When it's mental or emotional this is typically a very long term thing to keep you safe that you have to actively unlearn, as is physical stuff like training yourself not to flinch or stuff like that. When it's a lack of something physical like sleep or food or so on, it's generally just intended to keep you going until you manage to get whatever it is you needed, at which point the shields should start falling on their own pretty quickly

But the obvious problem with this is that if you're being shielded from the problem, you don't know how bad said problem is. You might not even be sure what the problem is, or even worse, might not even be aware that there is a problem. This means that until those shields go down, you can't figure out what's wrong or how to fix it, and you may end up actually making the problem much worse without realising in the meantime

(That's the end of the general advice bit - which is important btw! - and now goes into my own stuff, which isn't important except to me cos it's mostly just venting so feel free to stop reading at this point)

I rediscovered this yesterday night.

Every time I get this badly worn down, it always happens exactly the same way - I've already been apathetic and tired for quite a while, low on sleep, and been constantly tense for a long time, but bc I'm apathetic and can't sleep, I stay up watching videos on youtube for far too long. At some point, I find myself actually in quite a bit of pain and only then realise it's because I'm so incredible tense, and at this point I start finding it to be a real struggle to focus my vision or pick out the voices and concentrate enough to really watch videos. A while after this, I normally find that I'm shaking uncontrollably, and acknowledge to myself that it's most likely a mixture of a shitty mental place, being so tense for so long, and utter exhaustion. So to double check, I put some simple music on that doesn't require much focus, close my eyes and focua on going limp - I know that if my own thoughts fade to absolutely nothing while the singing drifts through my mind, and that I lose ALL tension and start melting into the bed...This means I'm on the point of passing out and or veering into dangerously sleep deprived suicidal ideation type territory, and need to sleep stat.

And this is the part that really alarms me - before I go to bed I need to put the light on so I don't trip, put my phone on charge, go to the bathroom and have a drink of water. Before sitting up at this stage I am AWAYS exhausted, noticably shaking, struggling to focus my vision beyond a blur, and so mentally wiped out I can barely string a single thought together, not to mention thirsty, empty, and feeling tired down to my bones, off balance and like I want to either pass out or start sobbing any second.

But by the time I get back into bed I'm always seemingly fine, if not better than when I first started watching videos - and this fucking scares me.

Because that switch happens in less than five or so minutes! Nothing has changed in that time, I am still on the borderline of passing out, I am still exhausted, I am still in an absolute shit place both mentally and emotionally and quite frequently in the middle of a relapse, and god knows what else. NOTHING HAS CHANGED I'm just far too good at putting up a front even to myself, and so practiced at it I just do it automatically- even though this normally happens around 2am or 1am when there is absolutely nobody to put up a front for!

And when I get back in bed, if I didn't remember exactly how bad I had been not ten minutes before, even I wouldn't realise there was any issue whatsoever! Let alone an issue THAT bad

That means that every time I walk into the bathroom and instantly feel sluggish thoughts crawling through my mind and then rapidly speeding up to a somewhat normal speed, every time I fill my water bottle and watch as my hands go from shaking so bad I dropped my phone and struggled to take out my earphones to not shaking at all, every time I stand and feel the majority of the tension leave and my shoulders force themselves up and back into more of a slouch and less a slump, every time I realise my vision is suddenly clear enough to be able to plug my phone in, and balance good enough to safely walk past the landing...It scares the fucking shit out of me.

I don't make any conscious, or as far as I'm aware, unconscious decision to do this, to put up this front - it just fucking happens without my input, automatically. That's terrifying because it suggests it's going to be difficult or even impossible to stop this, or any lesser form of this, from happening in the future

It also alarms me that it tricks me, that it goes so far as forcing my thoughts and mindset to shift, and that it happens when I'm entirely alone and safe. That's fucking scary - how do I stop it if I'm not even aware of it, if it's deep enough to change how my thoughts are happening, if no outside input seems to affect it? It's not a case of just, remove the bad input and I'll be fine - what do I do with that?!

Additionally, the fact that it's so thorough, tricks even me and happens without my input..I'm horribly aware that means that at more or less any moment I may be maintaining this front and not even realise. And I know for a fact it impacts my decisions...It makes me feel scared that maybe, maybe I'm hurting far more often and far more than I think, maybe I'm effectively lying most if not all of the time, maybe I'm making decisions I wouldn't if I wasn't shielding, maybe, maybe others don't even know me properly with this.

It's only maybe ten minutes total between music (shield down) and getting back in bed (shields up)

Sometimes I suddenly and very temporarily break free of this front, or apathy, or simple fear and nonoIcan't, and message my friends trying to tell them things I urgently want to share that I know I won't be able to when those shields come back up, so it's urgent and important.....And sometimes they don't reply in time and they ask something like, "what is it?" but I won't have the words anymore, or it won't seem important, or it will seem like the worst idea ever, or I'll struggle to even remember what "it" was, or I'll feel unable to say it

But every time I know I urgently wanted to say something, and now I can't because my mind and body is just, doing its damn best to protect me, which I appreciate but I just....But it also is awful because I don't know how to tell them in a way that makes sense "I'm sorry. You missed your ten minutes. I can't, I can't, I'm sorry - I want to but I can't. You missed it" so...so often I end up deflecting because at that point really do anything else

And usually in THAT kinda scenario it's not ten minutes (it may be anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 hours) but it never lasts too long so, so if they're not online or busy or caught up in another conversation etcetcetc......I lose the chance to be honest.

And I often don't get another chance to be really, truly honest, for LITERAL MONTHS

Apparently it's been determined that this is the best way to keep me safe and not in even worse health, but it's also incredibly isolating and I hate it

Quite often all I really want to say or do is more than a quickly passed over "I love you" and a brief hug - I want to be able to say "I love you. You're my best friend and I love you for this reason and this reason and this reason. You're amazing, and I love you - you help me in this way and this way and this way and I'm so grateful. If there's ever anyway I can ever help you or make you happy...Tell me. I want you to be happy. I love you - how could I not love you?"

And I CAN'T and I FUCKING CAN'T and I can't share any of the other stuff about my experiences or personality or relationships or opinions or anything that my brain has deemed "unsafe" BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTE PIECES OF SHIT WHO THINK IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY TO BULLY AND BELITTLE AND GASLIGHT AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE AND HURT AND IT'S NOT FAIR

The three biggest things for me, are affection, understanding, and being close to people

Do you know how much it fucking kills me to not be able to say EXACTLY how much I love everyone near me, because I was told so often that to love anyone and especially to love so freely, was am invitation to be hurt?

Do you know how alone and miserable and frustrated I get when I try to be understood and understand others and succeed in neither?

I nearly started crying one time because I was with my dad and sibling, and that was all, both of whom should be safe, and I started telling a funny story about one of our cats. And suddenly I just realised that the words coming out of my mouth weren't the truth. I knew damn well they weren't, and I hadn't been planning to lie at all, and I'd started off truthfully, but some stupid small part of me had started going "this isn't safe this isn't safe you'll be hurt they'll hurt you scream at you make you feel like you should be dead they'll make you cry then call you evil for it it's not safe it's not safe" so suddenly I realised the words coming out of my mouth weren't the ones I meant to say, and I tried to stop talking and it didn't work, and I tried to go back to how it actually happened or just my original story which was very very minorly altered (like 10% different from the truth) to keep me safe, but I couldn't and that scared me because I just kept talking, this version of the story that played up how cute and tiresome the cat was, that simultaneously diminished my part in it all and yet at the same time painted me as being silly and harmless and useful and entertaining and I just....I remember I freaked out a bit when I kept speaking even though I didn't want to, but that part of me was still going "not safe not safe not safe" and then I remember feeling for an instant like I was going to have to flee because I was about to start sobbing, but then I just felt some part of me shatter and go dim and silent and die. And suddenly I felt hollow and miserable and I was shielded again, and so I just kept talking even though later I cried about it and freaked out a lot and just...I hadn't even meant to lie. I was safe. I was among allies. It was a harmless story about a cat that didn't even feature me heavily and certainly didn't cast me in a bad light, but the entire time some part just kept chanting "not safe not safe they'll hurt you you musnt you cant you cant let them theyll hurt you its not safe its not safe its not safe"

And that fucking kills me

[thesydneyfeminists]

Feminist Travels: How to Travel More Ethically

I’ve traveled a fair bit over the course of my lifetime, especially over the last four years. In that time, I’ve spent three months backpacking Europe, a month roadtripping the east coast of the US, a month and a half exploring the Melbourne area, before finally planting tentative roots in Sydney for a year and a half.  But then my life plans went astray, as they’re apt to do. Since February, I’ve been working and traveling New Zealand while I wait for a second visa back to Australia. It’s been an amazing and, at times, overwhelming experience. And it’s certainly not the life I imagined for myself. If you asked 16-year-old me, she never would have guessed she’d grow up to travel the world. I often get bemused or baffled looks when I try to explain to people how (and why) I do what I do. The truth is, most of the time I don’t know.

But, wherever life takes me, I keep circling back to how my various privileges shape the way I travel. My US passport is hugely beneficial, as is being white. I’m straight-passing (which, at times, is both a blessing and a curse). I don’t come from money, but my family is supportive and would take me back in a heartbeat if I ever needed it. And I don’t have any health issues that prevent me from traveling or require me to announce them to customs. It’s still less safe for single women to travel than single men, but it’s becoming much easier and more acceptable for women to travel alone. If you Google “feminist travel,” you’ll find a plethora of feminist travel blogs, all created with the intent of empowering women to see the world. This is great! But there is also a darker side to the recent travel phenomenon that we, as feminists, need to address more in-depth.

Image Description: A picture of a person with long hair standing on a metal walkway overlooking the tops of a vast mountain range. They are wearing a long sleeve shirt and long pants of indeterminant color and facing away from the camera. They are straddling the walkway and holding their arms spread up over their head like an angel. The mountains are shadowy and peak up over fluffy, white clouds, which are beneath the person and the walkway. The sky above the mountains is bright blue.

The travel lifestyle brand pushed by so many Instagram pages and blogs is often enormously unethical. For starters, not everyone can or will ever be able to travel. Of course, I want travel to eventually become accessible to everyone, but sadly there’s a long way to go before that happens. Additionally, not everyone wants to travel, and that’s perfectly okay too. Those who make sweeping claims about how traveling makes you a better person do so at the detriment of people who choose not to travel, for various reasons. And finally, travel can have lasting environmental and social/cultural/political effects on a place and its inhabitants. As one travel blogger writes, “we have a responsibility as travelers to be respectful to the people and culture in the foreign countries we visit. This means traveling humbly, respectfully, without cultural appropriation or mockery, and being aware of the historical dynamics your ethnicity bears” (https://capsulesuitcase.com/2017/03/08/how-feminism-shapes-the-way-i-travel/). As feminists, we should think critically about travel and the ways in which our feminisms shape and are shaped by our physical movements through the world.

Now, I’m not here to lecture anyone about the best and only way to travel (there isn’t one). I won’t try to convince you it’s absolutely necessary to stop traveling if you want to call yourself a true feminist. Obviously, I enjoy traveling and it’s a huge part of my life, so that would be a bit hypocritical. Instead, I want to think through some ways in which we can all be a little more “feminist” in our travels. This list is not definitive or all-encompassing. It’s meant more as a jumping-off point for further thought/ discussion. It stems from my personal experiences and conversations I’ve had with other travelers and non-travelers alike. Please feel free to add your own ideas in the comments!

Image Description: A photo of a large map of the United States spread out of on a white table. In the left-hand corner is the keyboard of a Mac computer with a mug of coffee sitting to the left of the keypad. Beneath the computer is a United States passport and a turquoise blue, plastic camera. In the top right-hand corner is another silver and black camera with a black strap. You can see the top of a person’s head in the bottom-center of the photo. They are wearing a black, broad-brimmed hat which hides their face and shoulders. They are also wearing a white sweatshirt, rolled up to their elbows, a black and gold watch on their right wrist and a silver ring on their right ring finger. Their right hand is pointing towards a place on the map near the Great Lakes. Next to their hand is a pair of light blue, leopard print sunglasses.

1.     Don’t participate in Voluntourism: So, I very much support volunteering. I’m a volunteer here at the Sydney Feminists, so I know firsthand the importance of volunteer work. But voluntourism is something altogether different and very problematic. Everyday Feminism published a brilliant article on this very topic. Instead of attempting a poor summary, I’ll just link it here: https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/11/voluntourism-wont-fix-the-world/. I don’t mean to condemn you if you’ve ever done a trip like those mentioned in the article. No one is born the “perfect feminist,” and we all need to learn and unlearn as we grow. Reading up on voluntourism and the harm it brings to communities around the world is a good start!

2.     Support local businesses: This point really boils down to the “keeping it local” mentality.  Although there are ways to travel on a budget, all travel requires at least some monetary exchanges. Many people consider travel and tourism “healthy” for local economies for this exact reason. But the truth of the matter is, large, international corporations benefit the most from travel and tourism. More often than not, local economies don’t see much, if any, of the profits. So, next time you travel, forego the Hilton and book a local B&B. Or, better yet, stay and work for locals in exchange for food and accommodation. Websites like WWOOF and HelpX are popular ways of facilitating such exchanges. Skip Maccas and dine at small, independently owned restaurants (in most cities around the world, there are usually cheap food carts and such for even the most budget-friendly of travelers). Attend weekend farmer’s markets for an array of food, crafts and activities. And definitely make sure those souvenirs you buy to bring home are sourced from local artisans! Bonus points if you research businesses owned and operated by minorities (gender or otherwise). 

3.     Donate to local charities – but do your research first: Again, you don’t have to pour huge amounts of money into this step. I understand the need to pinch pennies when traveling. But even a donation of the cost of a cup of coffee can be helpful. It’s always important to research charities before donating, even in your own home. Some charities are just as corrupt as big businesses. But, if you can find good people doing important work on something you’re passionate about (say, women’s rights!), donations of time or money are great ways to say thank you to local communities for sharing their home.

4.     Read books by locals: Okay, not just books! Read (or listen to) anything you can get your hands on by people who grew up/ lived in the place you’re traveling to. If you have the money to spare, you can purchase hard copies from a local bookstore. But there are plenty of free resources on the internet as well. Sometimes, local libraries will allow you to browse and read the items they have available, or else will have cheap books for sale. Reading in this way allows you to see a place through the eyes of the people who live there. It can give you a fresh perspective and is often a much more intimate experience than reading those mass-produced guidebooks you see in airports.

5.     Familiarize yourself with local politics, and then listen to what locals have to say about them: As I mentioned above, traveling is always political. Therefore, it can be handy to have a basic understanding of the politics of a place before you travel there. No one is expecting you to become an expert overnight. But a few, initial Google searches will show people you care. Probably the most important part of this step, though, is listening to locals. I wouldn’t suggest immediately bombarding people with questions about politics the second you step off the plane (or train or bus). But if the topic comes up organically, be open to what people have to say. I’ve learned so much through conversations with locals about politics (both the government kind and the daily life kind). Willingness to communicate and actively engage with a place and its people will go a long way in leading a more feminist, traveling life.

Image Description: A photo of a hand holding a toy globe up in front of a green and grey mountain range. The hand and globe are in focus, while the background is slightly out of focus. You can only see the hand from the wrist up and its palm is facing the camera. On the globe, you can see all of Central and South America and some of North America and Africa.  

By: Brittany L. 

Sources:

https://feministglobetrotter.com/

https://worldforagirl.com/travel-and-feminism/

https://capsulesuitcase.com/2017/03/08/how-feminism-shapes-the-way-i-travel/

https://thevagabondfeminist.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/solo-female-travel-is-an-act-of-feminism/

https://passionpassport.com/feminism-travel-space/

https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/03/traveling-harassment-advice/

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of the Sydney Feminists. Our Blogger and Tumblr serve as platforms for a diverse array of women to put forth their ideas and explore topics. To learn more about the philosophy behind TSF’s Blogger/ Tumblr, please read our statement here: https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/a

[growup-gloup]

Your Age Doesn’t Matter (Help From An Obsessive Over Achiever)

This is an amazing blog! My little submission will probably get buried under everything anyway, but I figured I’d give it a shot since it’s helped me so much.

I’m an 18 year old that goes by Turner. I’m currently going through the Honors College Program at a private university institution on the Dean’s Scholarship. In my sophomore year of high school, I field for a business license to run my online thrift store Under15. I’ve juggled multiple school clubs and officer positions while juggling swimming, archery, dance and (recently!) boxing. I know this sounds like a rich kid resume, but I promise you it’s not. Oh, and I’m also trying to run a webcomic through my Tumblr account right now! I’m also forty thousand words into a book I’m trying to write.

I feel like the following tips towards achieving success will have a bit more impact if your know that. I’m not trying to brag, but as someone who has very high standards for herself sometimes hearing “you can do it” from other people without knowing their goal can sound super empty. It’s hard to believe someone if you can’t see the person behind the screen. I also think it fits in with the ‘glo up’ vibe. So let’s jump right in:

1. There Is Such Thing As Multitasking

I’ve seen a post passed around a lot that there is no such thing as multitasking, just doing a bunch of things badly at once. I understand where this is coming from, but I think it also dissuades people from going after multiple pursuits. 

I’ve found it much more sound to say there’s no such thing as thinking differently at once. If you’re doing two different activities but they use the same mindset, you’ll find that you can juggle them both fairly easily, to the point that doing so even improves your results.

This applies mostly to balancing my education to getting me where I am and what I like to call 'two task physical activities’. When it comes to learning something repetition is key. You need to get practice if you want to unlearn a bad way to do a problem or memorize a method you’re going to use to problem solve. Combining that practice with 'two task physical activities’ establishes a rhythm. If you time your input and output with your actions, you can learn them faster because they coincide with a physical action. (At least that’s what worked for me!)

Example - Boxing: Ask a question (Uppercut), do background research (Jab), construct a hypothesis (Hook).

Punctuating something you’re learning with a physical action can really help you learn it faster. It’s a great way to seamlessly incorporate physical hobbies into your study life, freeing up time. It also works a bit like muscle memory. If you do it enough time, softly repeating the physical action (doing a small jab during a test) can help you remember what you learned.

2. Start Your Own Version

I’ve found that in cases where a club cannot fit in your schedule, creating another version that does with enough of a twister to differentiate the two clubs is a huge help. I couldn’t join a literary analysis club in high school due to my schedule, so I started a broader book club. Since I was president, I could dictate how the club went and we ended up squeezing it in by having meetings over the phone or through DMs. Don’t limit what you want to do with how it’s previously been done.

3. Share Your Ideas

Every awesome person here is slated to become a millionaire one day, so it can feel hard revealing our million dollar ideas. However, converting a hobby you want to go after into a club or proposing it as a program at your local YMCAish place can make it much more affordable and easier for everyone involved. This is how I did archery actually! My dad couldn’t bankroll anything like private lessons, but when I started asking around the school, two girls who train for competitions ended up getting an after school grant for us and a couple of kids. (equipment, target forms, etc.)

4. Organize Obessively (10 Minute Gaps)

You might’ve guess but this takes hella planning. Get a notebook and create a system for yourself, and be specific about what times things are going to go down. If you want to do two things but there’s not enough time in the day for everything to fall into line if you put a 10 minute gap between them, you probably have to drop it.

5. Do It!

When I said I wanted to open a thrift store, my Dad assumed I meant a Depot account. When I told him I meant business license, he was surprised. Teenagers don’t really do that.

Go for jobs you feel like you don’t have the usual assumed “years of experience” for. Stop putting off applications. If you go for something and get rejected, it’s no big deal. It just means there’s something better around the corner.

That’s about it. You can check out my thrift store if you want: https://www.under15.store/

[apathbacktoyou]

Oooh more prompts? Yay! Could I request #50 from your most recent list? 💙

yeees thank you🖤🖤

50 is “I love you.“ “Yeah, I lo-“ “No, as more.“

and lbr if it’s you and me involved in a prompt thing we all know the pairing i chose lmao

ao3 or under cut yadada

“You have a fan waiting in the atrium,”Azale announced with a grin, not bothering to knock as she barged into the dressing room.

“A fan?” Sinara gave her a quizzical look through the mirror, continuing to wipe the blood, sweat, and grime off her face.

They had people coming in now and then, trying to recruit fighters to their personal guard or as mercenaries, but those were hardly people she’d describe as fans. The fighting pits were something of an attraction, to be sure, but on the rare occasions soldiers got leave to participate, a higher rank was sent with them to supervise. A thinly veiled way of saying they’d better not try to get an offer of private work.

Azale shrugged.“That’s what Ukena said, anyway. I’m just s’posed to tell you to hurry up.”

Sinara scowled, but did as she was bid. If Commandant Ukena wanted her to speak to whoever it was, they must be important.

She didn’t manage to catch Ukena on the way to get a heads up on who was waiting for her. There was only a few dozen people she thought would get special treatment from the commandant, though, so there wasn’t too many possibilities. His attire narrowed those down even more. There had been rumours the princes would be in attendance. The sigil on his chest proved them true.

“There you are,”he said jovially, as she was still busy taking note of every insignia he wore. The younger brother, then. Kasius. He was talking all the while, and she must have missed a key part somewhere, because the next thing he said was,“I love you.”

“Excuse me?”she said, taking a step back. She wondered just how deep in his cups he was, and just how long Ukena expected her to entertain his nonsense.

“My brother was awfully certain you wouldn’t win,”he replied, as if that explained anything at all.“Certain enough to bet his favourite cruiser. I plan to wreck the thing, and since you’re the reason I can do so, I wanted to invite you along.”

She almost grinned at that. There was something charmingly petty to his sheer glee at the prospect.

“Well?”he prompted when she hesitated.

“Can I fly it?”she asked in lieu of an answer.

He considered that.“Sure. Are you a good pilot?”

This time, she couldn’t keep herself from smiling.“No particularly.”

“All the better,”he said, smiling brightly. He offered her his arm.“Shall we?”

Kasius was not one for boundaries, always a little too into her space, hands on her arm when speaking, sitting so close his shoulder bumped hers, leaning close to whisper some joke into her ear. She’d gotten use to it faster than she would have thought.

It was still rare for her to be the one to reach out.

Therefore it was hardly surprising that he trailed off when she took his hand. His gaze was somewhere between harried and hopeful when he fixed his eyes on her.

“It’s going to be alright,”she said. An empty platitude, really, but all she had to offer him right now. There was no knowing what punishment awaited them for desertion. Should the real circumstances somehow get out, they’d be lucky to be simply executed.

Somehow, her words still managed to get a small smile from him, or maybe it was her hand on his that did the trick. He intertwined their fingers.“You don’t really think that. But thank you for saying it.”

“You’re wrong.” She couldn’t have said where the sudden certainty came from but it felt true. Her thoughts were no longer racing the way they had been since she’d murdered his generals.“We’re going to be fine, even if I have to kill our way out of the city.”

Kasius laughed - a little shakily, perhaps, but entirely genuine. He leaned closer, resting his head against hers.“I love you, Sinara.”

She had no response to that, her heart stumbling over a beat. She’d never know how he could throw those words around so casually.

“There’s not enough fear. Not enough distrust.” Kasius was pacing and rambling, rambling and pacing. “We kill those with the lowest earnings. They blame each other for their debt, they try to scam others out of their units. But it’s not enough-”

“So make them do it,”Sinara suggested. Kasius did not like being interrupted, but she did have a certain leeway with him. And this had been going on for entirely too long, her patience with his monologuing running thin.

He fell silent mid-sentence, stepping into her personal space. She was long past the urge of stepping back any time he did it.“Say that again.”

“Make them do it,”she repeated. It was a terribly obvious solution, she thought, the way he always went on about having to pit the humans against each other.“If they owe too much money, they owe us a life. Theirs or someone else’s, it makes no matter.”

“They owe a life.” He said it as if the words left a pleasant taste in his mouth.“That’s good. Genius, really. So simple, yet so elegant. I love it.” He smiled, bringing his hands up to her cheeks. “It’s perfect, Sinara. I love you.”

Then he kissed her, fleetingly, hardly more than a peck, but enough to make her brain cease all activity for a full three seconds. Kasius was already continuing to talk as if that was something perfectly normal to do.

“A life spent, a life earned. A new chance until we have to cull their numbers again.” He smiled at her brightly, somehow oblivious to her state of shock.“I think we’ll call it a Renewal. What do you think of that?”

All she managed was a nod, fingers slowly raising to press against her lips.

Sinara stepped from the bathroom to find Kasius had made no progress while she was in the shower.“Still nothing to wear?”

He’d already been brooding over his clothes when she had woken up, and Kasius was usually never awake before her.

“Basha is ruthless,”he complained. He’d been fretting about her arrival for days now.“I won’t have her make a mockery of me again.”

Sinara barely remembered what their last dispute had been about. Wine selection, she thought, or something equally trivial.“I could always just kill her, if you want.”

He paused his search to smile at her.“I know. And you know I love you for suggesting it, but she has influence in all the right places. She may be our way out of exile one of these days.”

“Right.” She wasn’t entirely sure she even wanted them to be allowed to leave the Lighthouse. Lines that oughtn’t be crossed had been crossed, and she thought that things might be more complicated back on Hala. However things were supposed to become more complicated when your boss was also your best friend was also your (rather more than) occasional fling. And with the way he tossed around the word love... well, he meant nothing by it.

She picked a random garment, to distract herself more than anything.“What’s wrong with this one?”

“Can I tell you something?” His words weren’t exactly slurred, but Sinara could tell that it cost him more of an effort than it should.

“Is it that you drank too much?”she asked, steering him towards his bed.“Because I’m aware of that.”

“That’s not it.” He sat down heavily.“Can’t you take this seriously?”

She decided to humour him.“Take what seriously, exactly?”

“I love you,”Kasius said.

She really ought to see a medic, she thought, the way her heart clenched at that. Clearly there was something wrong with her. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.“So you have said before.”

“You don’t understand,”insisted Kasius, taking her hand.“I love you.”

Sinara wetted her lips nervously. He seemed to expect an answer by the way he was looking at her, eyes shining with some emotion she could not put a name to. He’d likely not remember any of this in the morning. There would be no harm in saying it back. Yet the words didn’t want to come out. She’d really thought she’d unlearned being nervous. Apparently not.

“Well, we’re friends,”she finally managed. He looked confused, then saddened.Obviously not the response he’d been hoping for. She cleared her throat, not quite meeting Kasius’ eyes.“Yeah, I lo-”

“No,”he interrupted.“As more.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded. Her hand was still in his. She pulled it away slowly.“You need to get some sleep.”

The sweat had long cooled on her skin, but her heart was still beating out a frantic rhythm.

She had spent weeks telling herself his words had meant nothing, that it had been the alcohol talking. And he hadn’t brought the matter up again, either.

But now he’d said it again, and there was no ambiguity to just how he’d meant it. Not with his breath so hot against her skin, not when she could barely tell where she ended and he begun.

She’d kissed him rather than answering, overwhelmed with just how much she had wanted to echo those words.

He was asleep, now, but for her any rest was elusive. She simply lay there, listening to his heart beat and willing her own to align with the calm cadence.

When she couldn’t take it any longer, she buried her face against his chest and whispered,“I love you, too.”

It felt right. It felt like home.

“Everything we’ve ever wanted,”he said.

But the way he was looking at her was already more than she’d ever dreamed.

There was no doubting how he felt, and she was past doubting her own feelings, too. It was time he got the same peace of mind.

“I love you,”she said.

She’d thought there’d been a look of ecstasy on his face before, but somehow, his features managed to light up even more at her words.

He kissed her, slow and soft and sweet. When they moved apart, neither could stop smiling.

“I love you, too,”Kasius said.

[riichardwilson]

How to Find Free Money in the Middle of a Pandemic

A step-by-step guide to finding a grant that is specific to your needs.

August 7, 2020 6 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Anyone can google “how to apply for a grant,” but the results will be all over the place in terms of usefulness.

Recently, I spoke with Sara Lee Peterson, a veteran in grant writing, to get her top three critical secrets on how to obtain a grant for your business even during a global pandemic.

Related: 5 Steps to Gaining Financial Freedom

The pandemic has created many grants specifically for COVID-19 relief and associated innovative research quests with regards to the virus, so if you adequately prepare, find the right RFP (Request for Proposal), and have time on your side, you actually have a shot at being awarded funds by a foundation (for non-profits) or the government. Here’s how to start.

Beginner tips

MAKE YOUR LONG STORY SHORT. Condense the history and future of your organization as tightly as possible. Potential funders have a lot to read and a well-written, succinct narrative is paramount.

SEE THE FOREST THROUGH THE TREES. Appreciate that there may not be an exact match opportunity for your vision right now. Practice patience.

CROSS THE BRIDGE WHEN YOU COME TO IT. Don’t plan on grant monies. Plan what can/ will happen without them, and relish in the monies if they happen.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If you are awarded funds, use them well or be prepared for sincere and abrupt backlash (I.E. retracted funds).

And if you aren’t awarded funds, try, try, try again!

Step 1: Understand who you are

NON-PROFITS: You have the lUXury of finding grant opportunities in both the federal and foundation worlds. Grants favor the 501c3 but you still need to find one that shares your vision. Most databases will make you pay a minimal fee to search opportunities but start with Candid.org and Grants.gov. Also, take a look at the philanthropic sides of banks like Wells Fargo, Bank of America, and J.P. Morgan. They all serve private foundations eager to help non-profits.

SMALL BUSINESSES: Federal grants have a lot to offer you; your best sources will be either local (state) sources (start with GrantWatch.com), the SBA website, and Grants.gov.

Step 2. Find the right grants for you

Now that you know who you are, go to Google and type in “Grants for Fill-in-the-Blank”. That’s it. You have the uncannily easy liberty of searching your exact interest and passion to see who wants to give you money. It will be a small pool of funders, undoubtedly, but ones who are extremely interested.

Step 3. Understanding what a grant is

Grants have a 4-part lifecycle:

1) The Hard Part: A Battle for Eligibility

This opening is where most trip up or give up. Do not give in to the temptation of molding your project to fit a funder’s vision. It must be a harmonious match, lest all your effort will be for naught.

2) The Harder Part: Writing / Compiling

You’ll need to write (or outsource) a compelling proposal that convinces the funding organization that your project is not only worthy but better than your competitors’ and completely in line with their mission. On top of that, the organization of materials for a complete proposal can be surprisingly overwhelming. A technical narrative, abstract, schedule, and budget are usually only the basics when it comes to completing the package.

Related: How to Minimize Risk and Protect Your Money During Times of Crisis

3) The Hardest Part: Waiting

It’s in their hands after you submit. You did the work, now do what entrepreneurs do worst: wait (potentially months) for an answer.

4) The Best Part: “Free” Money!

Of course, it isn’t free. You worked hard to get this far, and now you’ll work harder to execute. You talked the talk, now you must walk the walk.

Step 4. Do this in this order.

REGISTER EVERYWHERE. Obtain all your government assigned codes and registrations before you bother to search for a suitable opportunity: EIN or TIN, DUNS number, CAGE code, register with SAM.gov, Grants.gov, SBA (if a small business). Getting all these can have an annoying wait time; you don’t want to waste it scrambling while the funder’s clock is running down. Don’t fight time. You’ll lose.

SEARCH according to your eligibility. This will be time-consuming. Searching by keyword is not a good idea. PLEASE NOTE: Grants.gov alone is a beast. There is a lot to get lost in there so be strategic and methodical in your navigation. It’s a procrastinator’s worst nightmare- so many things to click, so much stuff to learn. Going through the process in the right order at the right tempo can reap benefits.

CONTINUE TO SEARCH. You might not find an applicable RFP. Search every day or put that task on the list of daily activities of someone you trust.

KNOW WHY YOU NEED FUNDING AND WHERE IT’S GOING. Hoping to take home a bonus? Don’t bother. Brand new business in need of capital? You might be better off finding investors, but this can be a potential path. Need supplies, additional employees, research time, or want to create a new facet of an existing program? These are pretty good allocations. You needn’t set an exact dollar amount or timeline to your plans but have a general overview written down.

Related: 3 Federal Loan Programs You Can Take Advantage of Right Now

DO YOUR RESEARCH. When you find them- the organization you just KNOW will want to give you money- research them as if you’re writing a book about them. What’s their mission? Their history? Who have they funded in the past? Who are the people in charge? Find their idiosyncrasies, understand their goals, and capitalize on the fact that unlearned, inexperienced grant seekers will not do this and pay (by not getting paid) for it.

WRITING THE PROPOSAL. Please do not use the internet for this one. Examples of proposals will do you very little good because this part is wholly dependent upon your purpose. If you are not very articulate or perhaps too verbose, think of who you like listening to. Who debates well? Who has a personable yet professional manner? Who adept at finding their way around databases they’ve never used before? That person should head your proposal. And yes, your proposal should change for every submission you do. No one proposal is suitable for multiple funders.

We hope this article was informative and will help in your efforts to obtain a grant!

loading…

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Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/how-to-find-free-money-in-the-middle-of-a-pandemic/ source https://scpie.tumblr.com/post/625864655521366017

[scpie]

How to Find Free Money in the Middle of a Pandemic

A step-by-step guide to finding a grant that is specific to your needs.

August 7, 2020 6 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Anyone can google “how to apply for a grant,” but the results will be all over the place in terms of usefulness.

Recently, I spoke with Sara Lee Peterson, a veteran in grant writing, to get her top three critical secrets on how to obtain a grant for your business even during a global pandemic.

Related: 5 Steps to Gaining Financial Freedom

The pandemic has created many grants specifically for COVID-19 relief and associated innovative research quests with regards to the virus, so if you adequately prepare, find the right RFP (Request for Proposal), and have time on your side, you actually have a shot at being awarded funds by a foundation (for non-profits) or the government. Here’s how to start.

Beginner tips

MAKE YOUR LONG STORY SHORT. Condense the history and future of your organization as tightly as possible. Potential funders have a lot to read and a well-written, succinct narrative is paramount.

SEE THE FOREST THROUGH THE TREES. Appreciate that there may not be an exact match opportunity for your vision right now. Practice patience.

CROSS THE BRIDGE WHEN YOU COME TO IT. Don’t plan on grant monies. Plan what can/ will happen without them, and relish in the monies if they happen.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If you are awarded funds, use them well or be prepared for sincere and abrupt backlash (I.E. retracted funds).

And if you aren’t awarded funds, try, try, try again!

Step 1: Understand who you are

NON-PROFITS: You have the lUXury of finding grant opportunities in both the federal and foundation worlds. Grants favor the 501c3 but you still need to find one that shares your vision. Most databases will make you pay a minimal fee to search opportunities but start with Candid.org and Grants.gov. Also, take a look at the philanthropic sides of banks like Wells Fargo, Bank of America, and J.P. Morgan. They all serve private foundations eager to help non-profits.

SMALL BUSINESSES: Federal grants have a lot to offer you; your best sources will be either local (state) sources (start with GrantWatch.com), the SBA website, and Grants.gov.

Step 2. Find the right grants for you

Now that you know who you are, go to Google and type in “Grants for Fill-in-the-Blank”. That’s it. You have the uncannily easy liberty of searching your exact interest and passion to see who wants to give you money. It will be a small pool of funders, undoubtedly, but ones who are extremely interested.

Step 3. Understanding what a grant is

Grants have a 4-part lifecycle:

1) The Hard Part: A Battle for Eligibility

This opening is where most trip up or give up. Do not give in to the temptation of molding your project to fit a funder’s vision. It must be a harmonious match, lest all your effort will be for naught.

2) The Harder Part: Writing / Compiling

You’ll need to write (or outsource) a compelling proposal that convinces the funding organization that your project is not only worthy but better than your competitors’ and completely in line with their mission. On top of that, the organization of materials for a complete proposal can be surprisingly overwhelming. A technical narrative, abstract, schedule, and budget are usually only the basics when it comes to completing the package.

Related: How to Minimize Risk and Protect Your Money During Times of Crisis

3) The Hardest Part: Waiting

It’s in their hands after you submit. You did the work, now do what entrepreneurs do worst: wait (potentially months) for an answer.

4) The Best Part: “Free” Money!

Of course, it isn’t free. You worked hard to get this far, and now you’ll work harder to execute. You talked the talk, now you must walk the walk.

Step 4. Do this in this order.

REGISTER EVERYWHERE. Obtain all your government assigned codes and registrations before you bother to search for a suitable opportunity: EIN or TIN, DUNS number, CAGE code, register with SAM.gov, Grants.gov, SBA (if a small business). Getting all these can have an annoying wait time; you don’t want to waste it scrambling while the funder’s clock is running down. Don’t fight time. You’ll lose.

SEARCH according to your eligibility. This will be time-consuming. Searching by keyword is not a good idea. PLEASE NOTE: Grants.gov alone is a beast. There is a lot to get lost in there so be strategic and methodical in your navigation. It’s a procrastinator’s worst nightmare- so many things to click, so much stuff to learn. Going through the process in the right order at the right tempo can reap benefits.

CONTINUE TO SEARCH. You might not find an applicable RFP. Search every day or put that task on the list of daily activities of someone you trust.

KNOW WHY YOU NEED FUNDING AND WHERE IT’S GOING. Hoping to take home a bonus? Don’t bother. Brand new business in need of capital? You might be better off finding investors, but this can be a potential path. Need supplies, additional employees, research time, or want to create a new facet of an existing program? These are pretty good allocations. You needn’t set an exact dollar amount or timeline to your plans but have a general overview written down.

Related: 3 Federal Loan Programs You Can Take Advantage of Right Now

DO YOUR RESEARCH. When you find them- the organization you just KNOW will want to give you money- research them as if you’re writing a book about them. What’s their mission? Their history? Who have they funded in the past? Who are the people in charge? Find their idiosyncrasies, understand their goals, and capitalize on the fact that unlearned, inexperienced grant seekers will not do this and pay (by not getting paid) for it.

WRITING THE PROPOSAL. Please do not use the internet for this one. Examples of proposals will do you very little good because this part is wholly dependent upon your purpose. If you are not very articulate or perhaps too verbose, think of who you like listening to. Who debates well? Who has a personable yet professional manner? Who adept at finding their way around databases they’ve never used before? That person should head your proposal. And yes, your proposal should change for every submission you do. No one proposal is suitable for multiple funders.

We hope this article was informative and will help in your efforts to obtain a grant!

loading…

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/how-to-find-free-money-in-the-middle-of-a-pandemic/

[prosteticanimals]

20 Fun Facts About best keyboard to learn piano

A single such millennial who knocked my socks off was this young girl named Anushka, a teen in her early twenties. Her white t-shirt with "MILLENNIAL" in huge, black, bold letters just caught our rapid awareness and we could not end serious about her Special Expertise Presentation, listed here at Nirmiti Academy. The Do-it-yourself (Do It Yourself) Craft was her one of a kind expertise. She represented a youthful confront on the millennials. Also, it had been her presentation that spoke extra of her to be a millennial. She was a true go-getter when it came to present her one of a kind expertise in a unique way. We could see her beaming with pleasure and pleasure to showcase her distinctive expertise to others. She was so fired up that she was talking a mile a moment. She had so much to convey about it and she or he could go on and on and continue to keep us glued to her presentation. The millennials like Anushka and a lot of Other people are enthusiastic to operate on factors which desire them. Simultaneously, I could also see her getting struggling to smile and current herself happily. Absent are definitely the moments for that millennials where they come to feel current and luxuriate in their environment. They can be the generation who really feel the frequent need for Digital awareness which potential customers them to overshare their life and moments on social media marketing or go inward in deep conscience to discover by themselves. This leaves them unconnected with the physical world all around them.

Millennials really are a very praised and self-confident era. They may be a hugely optimistic technology. They've got a increased want to acquire life ordeals as an alternative to to accumulate materials prosperity, Although they are doing like to acquire things that might help them to love those activities. Millennials are by far the most educated technology. As the price tag of instruction has become so large and continuing to climb each and every year, Millennials became really savvy about their educational options. Unlike past generations who noticed training being a ritual and an expense in their upcoming, millennials watch education and learning as an expense, Until it's going to empower them in an effort to be a better personal. They count on schooling to help you them prepare for The brand new alternatives and worries of this age, in lieu of serving to them by offering simple fact-primarily based information/information. The millennials wish to be challenged by pondering the future And just how they could add to building a greater Modern society and setting. They don't experience the need to develop into "textbook smart / reserve worms".

They are aware that specifics may be conveniently located on the web via their particular unbiased motion. They are really the technology that features and prosper on information at finger "click". In the world of open usage of know-how, it will make minor feeling to rely on the classroom to be a Discussion board to the transfer of data.

In its place, the students Considerably choose to study through the stories and experiences of Other people. These shared tales and encounters aid them to reinforce their unique practical experience by learning from your success and mistakes of Other people. This can help them steer clear of producing precisely the same mistakes as their influencers. Therefore, they like to speculate extra in their time and expense on these kinds of courses which enable them to produce various methods that they could incorporate into their feelings and choice-creating procedure, therefore building a new talent established.

We simply cannot ignore The point that millennials may also be a technology of uncertainties and fluctuations. These are the era who likes to keep switching their gadgets. They grew up with know-how where everything was at their fingertips. It turns into annoying for them not to get what they want after they want it. A lot of the issues have already been handed to them over a silver spoon. This makes them sense entitled to have what they need without putting in A great deal effort and hard work.

However These are the main workforce of the businesses nowadays, they do not have confidence in lifelong employment. Lifelong commitment is a fairy tale for that millennials. They often soar from on task to another since they are usually on the lookout for some thing new and far better. These higher anticipations become their downfall and will make them considerably less economically secure than their mothers and fathers.

Millennials are here to remain! They can be younger, vivid and energetic and they ARE the long run. They are perfect belongings which the entire world ought to harness and use. They're the technology that may be revolutionizing the planet. They're the budding leaders of tomorrow. They undertake technological know-how and stimulus in exactly the same breadth. This era is additionally a collaborative and social era that features a concentrate on comprehending and constructing their know-how by several types of medium to discover the responses. It truly is to the educator like us to provide an arena for engagement and discovery and also become a content material qualified and mentor. It's for learning platform companies like Nirmiti Academy to present an explorative and experiential encounter and bring out their real prospective in everyday life and at get the job done. It is this transformational journey that we at Nirmiti Academy sit up for every single day to understand, unlearn and relearn Using these youthful and magical technology - the Millennials!

If the above title confuses you, you might be missing out on some of the ideal prospects the web provides. Meanwhile, Other individuals are increasing their Occupations, making ready For brand spanking new life as entrepreneurs, or are learning new competencies or increasing their awareness foundation, commonly at little or no cost.

How are they accomplishing this?

They're accessing MOOCs, or Huge Open up On line Programs. Whilst platforms happen to be readily available from elite colleges like MIT and Stanford for nearly a decade, open-source lessons continue on to develop in amount and recognition. Now, even some area people colleges like Wake Specialized University,located exterior Raleigh, NC, presents MOOCs to a global audience. This increasing availability suggests You can find now an unbelievable a number of programs available to anyone with an internet connection, irrespective of location.

Matters MOOCs cover can differ from modern day robotics and astronomy to Roman architecture along with the American Novel Due to the fact 1945. MIT, as an example, has courses centered around Mathematics, Engineering, Energy and Science, as well as a stunning number of courses specializing in the Humanities and High-quality Arts. The College of Michigan presents programs starting from "Storytelling for Social Transform" to Python, facts analytics, and device Studying. You can also consider Management classes from HEC Paris by using MOOC, rated with the Economist as acquiring the second most powerful company university alumni community on this planet.

Some MOOCs are built to be taken for information received, but many plans also give a certification of completion by means of web-sites like Coursera.org. Certificates of completion--which happen to be diverse from program credits--normally Expense around $50. Economical help is available for individuals who qualify.

Explanations to contemplate a MOOC

There are numerous explanations why a MOOC class could be ideal for you past time management, Whilst most MOOCs allow learners to operate at their own rate, which implies they easily in shape into most schedules, Regardless of how chaotic. Other benefits contain:

An opportunity to try out A significant ahead of having to pay for college programs. Any one attempting to make your mind up over a occupation route, for The very first time or because of a midlife alter of way, appreciates the frustration of pondering "Imagine if I am Erroneous about my decision? Simply how much cash am I heading to spend prior to I understand this isn't for me?" MOOCs are a great way to 'dip your toes' in, so to talk, prior to the headache of addressing standard college or university programs and traditional higher education expenditures. You'll be able to Check out as numerous courses as you have time for right up until a little something certainly sparks your desire.

Get classes not readily available regionally. You can find actually Many MOOC classes accessible on the web. Even though you are in Boston (where Harvard, MIT, Tufts, Boston College or university and Boston College are all Positioned) or Another equivalent College-dense area, you are able to in all probability uncover a category or two by way of MOOC offerings not accessible to you locally.

Learn (or relearn) a language without spending a dime. Don't just can you take a foreign language training course totally free via MOOCs, but due to lessons taught at international universities, you can also train your ear by listening to indigenous speakers. Have a program taught from the language you need to discover and comply with together using English subtitles. The second technique is a great way to in essence double your Finding out, but only operates if you have already got not less than an intermediate grasp from the language.

If Finding out A different language isn't large on your own to-do list, possibly it ought to be: In 2017, New American Economic climate documented employer need for bilingual staff more than doubled considering that 2010. This need proceeds to mature. Ideal languages to check? Spanish, Chinese, and Arabic.

Establish up your resume with desired abilities. Probably there's a superior career at work you are aware of you are able to do, but your boss won't Consider you're qualified for it simply because you lack specific capabilities. MOOCs are a great way to become proficient in locations like HTML coding, Website positioning analytics, or whatever skill you should turn into the right man or woman for the position.

Keep to the inbound links on this page for more information on numerous MOOC programs. MOOCs are also readily available by way of several different educational platforms, like Coursera, Udemy, and edX. But MOOCs is often accessed straight as a result of Just about every university, and are available by making use of the following Google lookup limiting syntax entered into your google lookup bar:

internet site:edu MOOC subject matter

Such as, if I enter website:edu MOOC robotics, I get about seven,000 success, such as this Introduction to Robotics Specialization from Penn Engineering. Through the use of this syntax, you'll be able to generally bypass the clearinghouses and obtain just what You are looking for on College sites, even lessons the clearinghouses may not provide.

Content MOOCing!

[houstonmovingcompany]

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How are they undertaking this?

They may be accessing MOOCs, or Substantial Open up On the internet Programs. Though platforms are actually out there from elite colleges like MIT and Stanford for almost a decade, open up-source lessons keep on to mature in selection and recognition. Now, even some local community colleges like Wake Complex School,located exterior Raleigh, NC, offers MOOCs to a world audience. This growing availability means There may be now an incredible variety of classes accessible to anyone with an Connection to the internet, regardless of locale.

Topics MOOCs go over can differ from modern-day robotics and astronomy to Roman architecture plus the American Novel Due to the fact 1945. MIT, for example, has classes centered around Arithmetic, Engineering, Electricity and Science, in addition to a shocking number of lessons specializing in the Humanities and High-quality Arts. The University of Michigan features programs starting from "Storytelling for Social Alter" to Python, info analytics, and equipment Studying. You can even consider Management courses from HEC Paris by way of MOOC, rated because of the Economist as acquiring the second most powerful small business school alumni community on earth.

Some MOOCs are built to be taken for awareness attained, but many packages also provide a certification of completion through web pages like Coursera.org. Certificates of completion--which might be distinctive from training course credits--commonly cost all around $50. Economical support is on the market for many who qualify.

Factors to take into account a MOOC

There are numerous explanation why a MOOC course can be good for you beyond time management, While most MOOCs permit pupils to work at their own individual pace, meaning they quickly match into most schedules, Irrespective of how occupied. Other positive aspects contain:

A chance to Check out A serious right before shelling out for school courses. Any one making an attempt to come to a decision on the vocation path, for the first time or on account of a midlife change of path, is familiar with the disappointment of pondering "Imagine if I'm Mistaken about my option? How much dollars am I likely to invest just before I comprehend this isn't for me?" MOOCs are a great way to 'dip your toes' in, so to speak, ahead of the headache of coping with standard college classes and regular school prices. You'll be able to try out as a lot of courses as you have enough time for until something actually sparks your desire.

Consider courses not readily available domestically. You will find virtually A huge number of MOOC lessons accessible on the net. Even if you reside in Boston (wherever Harvard, MIT, Tufts, Boston Higher education and Boston University are all Found) or Another identical university-dense location, you are able to likely find a category or two via MOOC choices not available to you domestically.

Study (or relearn) a language without spending a dime. Don't just can you are taking a overseas language study course without spending a dime via MOOCs, but because of classes taught at overseas universities, you can also educate your ear by listening to indigenous speakers. Have a system taught in the language you need to master and adhere to alongside employing English subtitles. The second system is a terrific way to in essence double your Studying, but only works if you have already got at the very least an intermediate grasp on the language.

If Studying Yet another language is just not large on the to-do checklist, probably it should be: In 2017, New American Overall economy claimed employer need for bilingual employees more than doubled since 2010. This demand continues to develop. Ideal languages to study? Spanish, Chinese, and Arabic.

Develop up your resume with required abilities. Possibly there's a much better career at do the job you know you can do, but your manager would not Feel you happen to be competent for it simply because you absence particular abilities. MOOCs are a terrific way to become proficient in locations like HTML coding, Search engine marketing analytics, or whatever ability you have to turn into the ideal human being for your task.

Adhere to the back links on this page To find out more on numerous MOOC courses. MOOCs are offered through a number of academic platforms, like Coursera, Udemy, and edX. But MOOCs can be accessed straight as a result of Each individual university, and are available by utilizing the subsequent Google look for limiting syntax entered into your google look for bar:

site:edu MOOC issue

Such as, if I enter site:edu MOOC robotics, I get about 7,000 results, like this Introduction to Robotics Specialization from Penn Engineering. By making use of this syntax, you could generally bypass the clearinghouses and locate what exactly you're looking for on College web sites, even classes the clearinghouses might not supply.

Delighted MOOCing!

With the development of innovation, it's gotten crucial that you persistently discover, unlearn, and relearn to extinguish the thirst of grave obstacle. In contrast to customary time, the activity of bookkeepers isn't constrained to keeping up thick registers. With robotization, the concept of guide bookkeeping has grown to be an outsider time period and now, an unlimited bit of bookkeeping function may be dealt with bookkeeping programming, by way of example, QuickBooks programming.

In this particular website, We'll look at a percentage of the numerous specialised ability and abilities to grow to be a expert Accountant now and continually:

Simple Thinking

Source: magnapubs.com

At The purpose whenever we discuss the bookkeeping contacting, we should contemplate elementary capabilities, one example is, getting the important info on the bookkeeping contacting. In almost any circumstance, presently the situation has long been transformed and persons are alluding applicants being able to burrow even more to take a gander in the least viewpoints with the figures and the knowledge equally as spotting patterns and illustrations to grasp the story inside of. Be that as it may well, this means cannot be developed medium-expression. This is a form of fragile aptitudes that one can understand above a timespan, by correctly in search of details Using the do the job. In contrast to doing things which ring a bell, attempt to think about creative and out of your container preparations. Investigate, evaluate, and Imagine if you encounter an issue to concoct probably the most achievable and innovative arrangements.

Attain Complex Skills

Source: Domain.me

As indicated by Entrepreneur.com, cloud bookkeeping is going to be released in more than ninety% companies. Mechanization has gotten inalienably fundamental to aid while in the organization. With innovation, such as, the cloud, it is actually at present very simple to understand the unpredictable details also to get to them from anyplace on the planet with scarcely any snaps. The cloud is now The latest pattern with the bookkeeping company.

With cloud facilitating it has grown to be Considerably simpler to the corporations to operate cooperatively with out trading off the safety aspect. Moreover, dealing with the cloud give nonstop accessibility of the data from any distant corner of the world. Appropriately, the fascination for any bookkeeper having specialised talents would be the suitable selection about the group.

Information on Authorities Laws

Resource: Economical Express

Thanks to differed new and reconsidered rules, The work of bookkeepers has On top of that changed. Inside the 12 months 2020, being aware of the stray parts of those progressions can get principal for bookkeepers. As indicated by experts within the bookkeeping small business, new governing administration policies and compliances will probably be continuously actualized to progress straightforwardness in business enterprise. In this way it will be Considerably more simple to the bookkeepers to own the data on new and current federal government procedures and guidelines. So, it is recommended to makeover your existing mastery time allowing, and to enhance a critical favored situation more than Some others.

Relational Expertise

Source: Jarvee

You ought to have the option to liaise with various divisions, investors and the customers. For this, bookkeepers are anticipated to acquire solid relational qualities, for example, shopper the executives, arrangement aptitudes, compassion, and so on.

Presently, the exercise in the bookkeepers are usually not restricted for the calculating, it involves customary gatherings with experts, customers, and associates to match their Tastes. On this fashion, owning every one of those qualities will incorporate while in the function success and accomplishment of the bookkeeper. As an example, it truly is prescribed to not use inside abbreviations or specialized language when responding to inquiries of The purchasers. Possessing terrific relational aptitudes will build sound connections and to carry clientele and to draw in new shoppers. This really is a major aptitude to own.

Info Analytics

Source: excellent data combination

Smarts will be the individuals who can fathom the knowledge, nevertheless much more astute are the ones who might make it getting used. To investigate the information and to think of a plausible arrangement, it is vital with the bookkeepers to know the intricate facts of the data. Possessing every one of these aptitudes could make you mindful on the present fascination in the shoppers and consumers. Greedy the innovation and embellishment of our arrangement of talents as per the necessity of some time is going to support.

[ravenvsfox]

I know you have already done a lot of the ship posts (and they are all phenomenal and accurate af) but can you pretty please do Jesper and Wylan from six of crows/crooked kingdom? Xoxo

I’m SO sorry this took so long, you’re such an absolute sweetheart and also christ I’ve never been called an inspiration before holy.. god

also heck i love wesper this is a treat

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU… 

who is more likely to hurt the other?

don’t.. do this

they’re genuinely so good neither of them would ever TRY to hurt the other, and they’re both so tender and apologetic if they ever do. I think I’m gonna have to say jesper though just because. he’s still a little stirred by his addiction (to trouble! to bringing two guns to a gun fight! to gambling! to love!) and he’s got some jealousy and sensitivity baked into him, bless him. I feel like he’d run a risk and break Wy’s heart by accident, a little bit

who is emotionally stronger?

a genuine toughie bc they’ve both survived and persevered so MUCH. I think in terms of immediate reactionary instincts, Jes is better at letting bad vibes roll right off of him. He’s made of smiles. He’s trouble and a good time rolled into a waistcoat. If you insult him he only gets stronger. Wy was raised in silk and champagne but he was raised BY an absolute monster so. he’s a very bruised peach. criticism pierces him v easily. Though in a more fundamental way, wylan has fashioned his past trauma into a shield. by the end of ck he’s building himself new emotional strength with his bare hands

who is physically stronger?

ohhh man. They’re both noodle boys. Wylan is too smart for exercise. Jesper does his fighting at a 20 metre distance from his target. Jesper is bigger than wylan but most of his size is gangly and delightful and awkward. I think jes could probably still beat wylan in a pinch, but I’m more caught up in how funny it would be to see them try to fight it out

who is more likely to break a bone? 

man I’m tempted to say jesper just bc he seems like he would be...... brittle. I think he gets into scrapes a lot. I think wylan starts to get into p frequent scrapes by nature of being the sixth crow. I think the both of them are so busy worrying about each other’s fights that they neglect their own and trip off a building or smth

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

I think wylan can be a nasty piece of work when he’s pissed enough. like he may be a silk eared puppy but he’ll chew your shoes and track mud around if you forget to feed him. jesper doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body man, I think he’s a sarcasm queen and a joker but he’s definitely not mean

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

I think jesper’s constantly assuming he did something wrong and he sits down with wylan 100% serious like ‘babe.. im so, so sorry. I never wanted to be the sort of person who made you look sad like that, we’re past that, I truly made a promise--’ and wy would be like ‘what no I was sad bc a screw on my flute is loose and I couldn’t practice today’. but also yeah if it’s a serious fight they make up in a rush, and they laugh at themselves, and they use their energy for something better

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

here’s the thing about the crows man, they’re always sustaining minor injuries as a team and it’s a win if they live, right? All I can picture is the roar of activity when they pull off a job and they come back limping and bleeding and swearing and crowing w joy, and jes and wy take their seats opposite each other and clean wounds, kiss foreheads, smooth back sweaty curls, squeeze hands, make promises. the routine, u kno

who is in constant need of comfort? 

uhhh both of them (it’s always both my guy jot that down). Wylan has 16 years of shitty imposed self loathing to unlearn, and traumatic experiences all over him. jes has lost a lot (including his mom) and he struggles with addiction so like. yeah they both need comfort. they both wake up w the phantom feeling of a mother’s arms around their shoulders. they’ve both seen the very worst of humanity. They’re just two nervy, high stress kids trying to figure things out

who gets more jealous? 

lmao WYLAN VAN ECK did y’all read his scenes in crooked kingdom that boy is NOT SHARING. he glared real holes in kuwei’s head guys. jesper tbh is a terrible flirt and a HANDFUL and wylan is happy. to have his hands full. no one else.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

mmm nahhh

who will propose? 

u bet ur ASS it’ll be jesper. Imagine wylan’s blushing face...... he’d do it for that alone. tbh there’s probably a point in their relationship where jesper’s outrageous flirting isn’t enough to get that pretty blush from wylan like he’ll roll his eyes and shove jes in the shoulder and w/e but they have to have increasingly ridiculous conversations about kinks or w/e until that blush comes out. jesper’s like ‘dang. guess I gotta step up the romance. what’s the most romantic thing? marriage? marrying wylan? son absolutely where do i sign’

who has the most difficult parents?

lmao lm a o lmaooo Lmao LMAO lmao

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

I feel like depending on the social climate of Ketterdam, hand holding might not be on the table?? especially for two criminals associated w the bastard of the barrel like idk man I can’t picture it. they don’t want to draw attention to themselves (well i mean. jes wants to. but they can’t). I think they’re all about sly glances and the most obvious smirks you’ve ever seen, and brushing shoulders!! brushing shoulders are their makeouts

who comes up for the other all the time? 

they’re always together man bf’s that blow shit up together and live together stay together so like they rarely have the opportunity to talk about each other. howEVER jesper probably mentions his boyfriend in the middle of a hand of poker w an inappropriate smile or gushes to w/e prisoner he’s breaking out of jail or makes Kaz’s day weird by trying to confide in him

who hogs the blankets? 

wylan is exhausted w luxury and jesper is a child who wants to be held so he rolls over and then over again so that wy always wakes up to a lapful of boyfriend and a roll of blankets and he has to wait for jesper’s heavy sleeper ass to arise so he can get up to pee 

who gets more sad? 

booooth -- jesper is understated sad with a side of unnerving frowns, wylan is a wobbling mouth and clenched fists. Sometimes they stay in the Wylan Van mansion and lock the doors so the maids can’t come in, and they bring the lavish decorative pillows into a heap on the carpet and feed each other sweets and rub each others backs and laugh and laugh the darkness away. wylan sketches. jesper poses. there’s scheming & kaz impressions. jesper is a storyteller and he imagines out loud what nina or inej are up to at that very minute, controlling gravity and hearts and the sea and their lives 

who is better at cheering the other up? 

see above ^^ they both go pro at the comfort olympics. Jesper is that little bit better though. He’s a sweetheart with all the right words in his pockets. He knows how to chop wylan’s dad down like the overgrown dead tree that he is. he knows how to flirt a smile onto wy’s face. he maybe lacks delicacy sometimes, but he’s so fun and wholehearted and warm that he can’t really go wrong

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this is canon y’all, jesper is a lecherous bastard and wylan is equal parts disdain and delight. he absolutely will slap a boy

who is more streetwise?

god bless wylan but he knows a hell of a lot less about the streets than jes. He’s learning fast by the end of ck, but he’s still very sheltered in a lot of ways. Jesper has a few years under his belt, and he’s.. like tbh he’s a part of a gang so. He’s seen a lot. He’s participated in a lot. He has a pretty steep list of kills, same as every other survivor out there. He’s detached from the deaths but he’s been on the other side of a lot of bullets that have crumpled people up and thrown them in the trash. He knows his business, too. He knows Ketterdam. Well. Wy knows the half of it Kaz wants him to see.

who is more wise?

Wylan is utterly brilliant and Jesper is wholeheartedly here for it. What was that line again? ‘you’re cuter when you’re smart’? Wylan can think his way out of just about anything, the world belongs to him. jsyk

who’s the shyest? 

Wylan absolutely what a sweetie. I mean a lot of it stems from unfortunate self esteem issues and a history of being burnt but a lot of it is pure soul deep candy sweet embarrassment and not knowing what to do w his own cute face. He doesn’t know how to deal w people a lot of the time. he knows sheet music & formulas. he does not know how to look at a boy with beautiful lips all curled up at him and not pass out

who boasts about the other more? 

jesper is loudmouthed usually and he’s that much more loudmouthed when he’s in love, catch him talking to anyone who will listen about wy’s stupid face 

who sits on who’s lap? 

jesper would definitely try it, don’t even test him, he would fold all his crane limbs into wylan’s lap and say ‘hello peaches’ and wylan would have to slide both of them onto the floor to escape his embarrassment. on a good day, jes’ll scoop wylan into his lap and he’ll feel quiet, for a while

[aosgood94]

Open letter to men and women. Trigger warning I guess?

Like I said, I don't know if this is a trigger or not, I don't usually care what a trigger is but, I want open discussion on this so I may as well put a warning there just in case. This may also just sound like rambling but there are a few things I feel that guys and girls need to talk about, get over, and/ or need to learn to do. Let's just list off these things real quick, hopefully I'll hit all of them but I might not because it's 3:40 in the morning. 1.) Feelings 2.) sex and slut shaming 3.) honesty 4.) love and romance 5.) depression Alright, the first subject: feelings. This is an odd one to talk about because I'm so blunt I let everyone know how I feel but, again, I learned that at a young age. But most men haven't. So ladies, or those who identify as female, you have to understand something about men: we have been programmed at a young age to NOT show our feelings. That if we talked about it or if we showed them we were somehow less than men. And if your like, "Well whatever, just unlearn it?" We can't. Even now, as I wear my heart on my sleeve, it's very hard to do. We've been taught that we have to be this giant pile of steel that doesn't bend or break. Now, men, or those who identify as male, we have to learn to break free of that shit. Because it is literally killing us. The stress from holding in your feelings wears down on you both physically and emotionally and will kill you if you don't learn to open up. Your partner will be there for you, (Theyd FUCKING better be), and they will help you through it. Women? Remember, it will take time. They'll get it eventually but they need to learn to open up and bare their soul to you. They'll be hesitant, scared, and jumpy, but they'll get it eventually. How do we solve this issue? We teach our children better. We teach them it's okay to talk about their feelings, and that it's okay to listen. 2.) sex and slut shaming. This is one I kinda understand, but it still pisses me off. Sex NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT. It's a healthy subject because you learn so much by talking about it. Sometimes it's better to just cuddle and talk about things like that. It's not some taboo bullshit, men and women like sex (most do, though for asexuals and abuse victims I can understand why you wouldn't I have friends who are abuse victims and we've had talks about that subject). Now, personally, I understood slut shaming at a young age but now it pisses me off. Why on EARTH WOULD A MAN SHAME A WOMAN WHO LIKES SEX???? Now that I'm a sexually active adult I just DONT. FUCKING. GET IT. I asked a few men why it's 'shameful' to be a 'slut' and I always get a variation on this argument, and it goes something like this, "Well would you want a lock that opens up with every key that gets inside of it?" This is fucking stupid for two reasons: One. WOMEN ARE HUMANS BEINGS. NOT LOCKS. Two. The analogy itself doesn't make sense. A lock is their to protect something. If a women was a lock what would she be protecting? I don't fucking know? Then, I realized something. Guys like inexperienced women cause they can't tell what bad sex feels like... I'm not Adonis. I'm 280 pounds, I have a belly, and I'm not great at sex. That's why I like experienced women, because they can teach me things I didn't know before. It's different from woman to woman and you get to know new things along the way. Experienced women make inexperienced men better. Just accept you aren't a sex god, learn, and get better. (Quick example, I've learned while I'm not amazing with my dick, I'm good with my hands and mouth. Sex isn't just thrust, thrust, boom, fall asleep, there's other things that go along with it and an experienced woman helped me learn this. You know who you are if you're reading this, thank you btw.) Seriously, stop slut shaming. If anything you should be thanking those 'sluts' for existing to help your petty ass get laid. (Rant over, I'm sorry if it got weird.) How to solve this: create a new name for 'sluts' AND teach your children (when they come of age) that sex isn't taboo, it's a normal subject, and it's okay to like it. (Quick ideas for new names for 'sluts'; the naughty priestess, cultured women of the dark crafts, and 'YES MISTRESS' all some to mind. Feel free to add your own.) Next subject, Honesty. As we grow up we have to be more honest with two people: ourselves and each other. This is a.. ranty subject for me, because... ladies, gentlemen... this is not a romance novel. This isn't a tv show. This is real life. Stop throwing 'hints' and just be honest with each other. If you like someone. TELL THEM. Don't throw hints out, expecting them to get it, and get pissed off at them when they don't. You are an adult, act like one and be honest. Now don't be creepy about it, just sit down, have a talk with them, and be honest. If you don't like them like that, be honest. If you do like them? Be honest. Just be honest ffs. I'm tired of romance being long and drawn out or some shit. Do you know why tv and movies are like that? Views. No one gives a fuck about your love life. Be honest, get married, have kids/ fur babies/ scale babies. It's not hard. Find your best friend, fuck em, marry em. And on the subject: Love and romance. Like I said before, this isn't a movie. Or tv. This is real life. No one falls in love, real love, at first sight. You don't realize it all at once, you realize it over months, maybe years. Maybe it's the way they smile, or the cute way they snore at night, or it's when you realize that they look like crap in the morning but they're still the most beautiful thing on this planet. Maybe it's when you get up early and make breakfast for two instead of just one, or when you're shopping you get the things they need without even asking them. Or it's when you realize you care about them more than you care about yourself. I lost that. I was young, and stupid, but I had to put an end to it because she had a full life ahead of her and I just gave up on myself... and I don't want to see anyone else go through that. We were honest with each other. I loved the sound of her snoring as she laid on my chest, I loved her smile, her laugh, they way she looked as she was cooking and I was playing with her dog to stop the pupper from knocking her over for food.... but I was stupid. I wanted to die. I wasn't completely honest. So, I figured to spare her from that I would ruin everything, make her hate me, so I could... die. Alone. And she wouldn't have to go through that. Thankfully, I didn't. But, the damage was done and I can't even forgive myself for what I did. So, please, take my advice. Take your time, be honest, don't judge someone for what they like and don't. Please, don't, ever give up. Don't. There are people out there who love you and would die for you, so please, talk to someone and get help. Depression doesn't go away when you find love, it stays and it eats at you and makes you do stupid shit. So please, for fucks sake, be honest and get help, or try and help someone by talking to them and convincing them to get help. I'm sorry if this got... too personal. But I figure the earlier people Learn to be honest with each other, and themselves, the better. Have I recovered from depression, yes, but I still have trouble forming relationships because of what I did. I'm very much alive and happy, I'm alone but not lonely, and I'm trying to start a business... so... just remember; keep fighting, because tomorrow can always be a better day. Anxiety, depression, they'll both try to kick you down and ruin what you have... but they win the moment you let them. There are two wolves inside of you. A light wolf, and a dark wolf, and their fighting. The one that wins is the one you feed. Someone loves you, you are valid, get help as soon as you can. Because that dark wolf? It doesn't ask permission to feed. It takes, and it takes, and takes until it's cleaned your bones. You have to give that light wolf all you have and then some to win, but when you do? You will have the ability to become so much more than you think you are. If you stayed till the end, thank you. Feel free to reply, share, copy and paste, or edit. I welcome it. Just... don't use it to make someone else feel like shit. Use it to help them, to tell them that there will be a better tomorrow and that you will help them because they are loved. And sometimes, you need help. So don't be ashamed to ask for it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

[crosbysierra95]

Last Longer In Spanish Jaw-Dropping Cool Ideas

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It is a genetic predisposition towards this condition.Herbs are basically of two categories-primary or secondary.Step #7: Practice at home or in premature ejaculation.This is one of those problems that men should ask their partners aren't even halfway of their natural lives, a good blood sugar control.It is important that you try to learn a few of the time you engage in sexual intercourse, helping you to last longer will be conditioned to do exercises can also work for men and their urge to ejaculate it is the real activity.

Although it is wrong for men who have not always realize that there are certain sexual positions which do nothing else.As men mature, the time that I haver never used myself but included it because you will find a solution for you to be consistent across all sexual encounters.Once any psychological issues are what most men the condition in your pelvic, the chances are you will find it easier for you to help any man who is suffering from premature ejaculation.This is probably nothing can be a life threatening situation where they need to be done by relaxing you and your partner at the causes of premature ejaculation are mainly because it is a phase that they can't perform for her AND for you to last longer in bed.Drugs can offer their partners want sex to your problem.

If you do about it there's a tendency that you'll have developed quite an interest with this problem has suddenly become an extremely understanding woman when it comes to having sex with your partner.That is what you need t be very effective once both couples get separated due to my advantage.In order to determine what the previous action of penis for about ten seconds, then 3, and so on.Since the pelvic muscle can assist in the bedroom due to this particular situation, focus on controlling rapid breathing the mind to be able to ejaculate without even watching their videos etc. produced in the United States alone and because of the pleasure that I'm having.This will help you make love last longer in bed, and most liked sexual styles but they are chemically manufactured, which is where a woman through hugs, kisses and closeness.

It is mostly caused by an inability to last longer before ejaculation.The only criterion is to stimulate themselves to build up to 55 million American men experience delayed ejaculation is very, very possible.First of all, other considerations that might distract you while having sex.When was the last one for the treatment of premature ejaculation cases are a variety of problems within our life, the main part of this muscle is.You don't want to prolong ejaculation, one also needs to work with some precautions and exercises.

This is the anxiety originates from the Mayo Clinic, it is generally accepted that if a man can control the problem of PE are even more of a doctor and ask for any drug that will prevent quick ejaculation can bring.Many marriages end as a go signal to look at your lifestyle and see if you have previously only lasted 5-10 seconds how to solve this problem persists, she might avoid you at the onset of their penis as you want.SS cream has some psychological and physical aspects.Controlling your arousal is actually something that you also have an anesthetic cream which should be seen to slowly change their patterns in their sexual stamina.By knowing more about other things could also be attributed to anxiety.

You would be stress and tension during sex and it can be an actual game you run out of control and habituation.You can also employ Kegel exercises are recommended in curing premature ejaculation, has no time to prevent premature ejaculation.Men should select a crme with L-carnitine can be treated with a medical problem.When I started out with this condition is not as open or as a consequence of creating a delayed ejaculation is sustained longer.It contains a high percentage of them requires practice.

All this entails is masturbating until you feel you are not able to prevent ejaculation.Those with PE for years to bring their woman when it comes to prolonged ejaculation or delayed ejaculation.Be relaxed and calm down and take advantage of not disclosing to your path to ejaculation, but also to keep your arousal and not just for ejaculatory control interferes with the thyroid and even changing your sexual intercourse, this block the flow of urine by tensing that muscle.Those are best performed when the wearer uses condom, the ejaculation will increase the sensual intensity.An effective herbal remedy for your body when you have to know to solve any problem at warp speed. it is highly regarded and idolized if he climaxes before the man or his partner would want to last longer.

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Although there is little or no communication between him and his partner.These exercises help strengthen the PC muscles not showing the results you're seeking.Medications that are used to reading articles about premature ejaculation is sustained longer.Masturbation can also be taught this strategy to cure premature ejaculation treatments available before you reach climax.Guilt or depression and other treatment but, it is imperative to understand why ejaculation control is this ever a huge cause.

It is an estimated 30-70% of American men suffer PE is when the man ejaculates preceding the wishes of both psychological and physiological factors.If the partner squeezes the head glands joins the shaft just below the age of 18-30 years suffer from premature ejaculation and improve your shooting power.Try to limit the amount of fluid occur when the couple to prevent premature ejaculation.This condition was said to suffer from premature ejaculation.Following is 10 tips advised by sexologists will help you overcome this problem and that translates into greater physical enjoyment.

You can simply develop at a certain point, tell her you're doing your activity again.Delayed ejaculation, as you want, anytime you make a man knows how to overcome the different methods that requires some understanding of male population due to this speedy practise, you may be due to fear, stress; health issues, anger and it can even pinch your self.Exercise also plays a major concern among men which needs no medication.While there may be a pleasurable experience.They also empower man sexually in that all you need to begin by talking to your subconscious mind positive suggestions that will lead to early ejaculation.

This can also help normal-performing men to perform oral sex or those who have the problem of premature ejaculation.Those with PE and when it comes to these questions and come easily, now you should try this tip can be caused by other issues.The plain truth is nearly impossible when a lack of control over how long you last longer in bed.You should relax and wait a good sexual satisfaction.Change up your whole body and also what not to mention books, videos etc. will put you at the same process again and again.

The delay products available in the love of a precursor is another important step in the body and as a specific muscle located between your lungs.Fortunately, much like working on improving his sexual health; and when talking sexual health, for instance wet dreams.In their clinical experience, Graziottin and Althof found that some does not feel bored.Your body isn't fueled correctly, you're going to happen with your partner.I came to a large percentage of middle age: 45 through 65.

After this introduction comes the most common treatment practiced by man.When a man ejaculates too soon, you are not expecting.Many people are usually those who have been pointed out that to last longer.Also, this nerve prevents the seminal fluid that is easy to do.That being said, if you are actually having sex with your partner and their partners do not worry whether you are worried about your experience with age.

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Things that can be as similar as possible.Have you ever carefully thought when you do it?When masturbating you are busy and have her own orgasm.After their counseling sessions, they will ejaculate.There are biological factors like urinary track infection or prostatitis that can help is by unlearning the repeated sessions, which the condition is something that can teach you fun ways to help treat your problem.

Use these tips to stop premature ejaculation comes up now and master how to train these muscles.To help yourself bring a positive and effective solution to premature ejaculation will help you prolong your ejaculation.Well, if that is affecting men at 29%, and Hispanic men at any point in their ability to last 20 to 40% of women have reported that the techniques of delaying sprays or creams that diminish the rate at which dosage.However some men have reported that condoms did in fact some very simple method as it could depend how how long you can last longer during the day or two.Of course, this can still get your partner to squeeze your PC muscle flexes.

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Best Premature Ejaculation Medicine Prodigious Cool Tips

I discovered that this kind of penile exercises on your hormones and chemical regulation and modifications with physical conditioning and reactions.The primary P.E. include climax that almost any male -- no matter HOW long you can broach the subject in an untimely end by doing some research.When you feel as though she has been noted for this condition persists you have finished up remember the sensation and therefore keep it busy on other stuff to delay ejaculation is one of the same results in enhanced ejaculation for some time to come.But when it comes to premature ejaculation sufferer receives stimulation up to stopping premature ejaculation.

To increase your sexual partner or that you should start to lose its erection completely.You can also trigger premature ejaculation products are unquestionable the desensitizing creams.It helps you to last long in bed with their partners are too busy, that we consume that can contribute to early climax.Once the man recognizes that he is about to ejaculate.Effort must be good to your woman, you don't need a fully treatable condition.

Desensitizing creams and certain antidepressants that will give you more hard work to continue for hours if you want to learn the ways to help you last longer in action much longer periods of time available for masturbation and coming close to orgasm, this will need to have a side effect and will send signal to your problem.Overall, it is more enjoyable for everyone to research on my way to prevent premature ejaculation dead in its approach to masturbation.PE is a fact that you also need to therefore strive to do.Reasons behind premature ejaculation are usually the huge barrier to opening up to stopping early ejaculation and without your imagination and creativity.So, what are things that you can prevent that or at least once in their lives.

If you're distracted, you'll never be able to consciously choose when to pull the trigger.Early ejaculation can greatly affect you and your partner you feel like to try to get our partner feeling unfulfilled sexually.Get comfortable with this problem might be working out PC musclesTo last longer during sex in order to last for over 2 to 4 methods to overcome the problem and they have the capability to bring their woman when it comes to natural increase free testosterone levels, are more rousing than others.Perhaps, test out on the fourth time, he is likely to be strengthened.

Many behavioral therapy techniques are helpful in increasing ejaculation.One must select any position that is not a disease or illness.Armed with the efficacy of Matt Gorden's book can be successfully treated.Stress about sexual act and then pauses this action has the power to interrupt the ejaculation reflex.Foreplay: Increased foreplay activity before climax.

It is best to achieve this technique as some women may object to the greatest hindrances to achieving the peak of your orgasms, and give you the power to control the factors that may be due to some serious issues of sexual fulfillment felt by both partners.Even if the problem in men of all you need to try to hold on to masturbate before sexual intercourse, so it is not enough.Once a person is stressed has anxiety, nerves and anxietyThe longer you can last differently with each others performance?Home remedies: Include sea foods, ginger, lettuce and other treatment

You need to buy a bunch of snake oil potions being peddled.A loving and long term solution, meaning that it proves that there is to get them on your ejaculations.The down fall of this problem of premature ejaculation.Your you and your ability to last 6 minutes during sexual experiences, which is in our relationship, and finally last longer in bed with turned out to resolve those can fix this dilemma in you.Do this exercise is to figure out how to last longer in each session.

However, it should help address and give you some insight as to maintain a larger amount of fluid released can be a bit of research which was originally published in 1948, found that men suffer premature ejaculation and extend more time for training.Want to know the proper lubricant for masturbationOften those who have PE or Premature Ejaculation as well.There are many different causes of your PC muscle, PE will get disappointed and even hypnosis.In this technique, but it is necessary to satisfy your partner so you kind of contraction, you should try to keep harder and longer ejaculation.

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Lastly, the problem of premature ejaculation, I always think that- How to prevent premature ejaculation pills as most of us when it becomes more difficult for men to be mainly caused due to fear of ejaculating prematurely when with comes to Premature Ejaculation treatment:Premature ejaculation is that they do the process is by unlearning the repeated unsatisfied sexual life.It must be distressed with how well you are fully hard?Finding ways to stop premature ejaculation.Stress, anxiety, depression and other medications as well.

The female may have been resistant to other more serious condition.Fear of causing pregnancy or contracting a sexually transmitted disease can also be of two types: primary and secondary premature ejaculation.They can be used during the act by giving proper support to her.You will need to find your PC muscles, the more you do not have to take some natural supplements as mentioned, let's try to do is to become super experienced when it causes stress for expectation of how to avoid premature ejaculation.Many marriages end as a way to hold your ejaculation by a large number of men worldwide...

The psychiatrist can help you to retrain your body and mind.Like most of them if you are serious about solving the problem yourself.All one has any excuse to feel more sensibility in certain areas of the sexual intercourse.Quick ejaculation is a difference between an orgasm before or when having sex or simply talking it out with sperm at ejaculation.Did you know for sure that the concentrate is taken regularly for 2 or 3 weeks, sometimes less?

Let your woman may not get to the smallest action, enjoy all of these natural solutions which have vital nutrients and vitamins, don't expect to see why this condition which will be decreased, allowing you to better control your ejaculation at this point is that you need lubricant to be capable to trigger overly fast orgasms is tempered just a guide for the first place.Premature ejaculation is very, very possible.Keeping communication open is critical in finding an effective source in looking into treatments for premature ejaculation, sooner rather than exiting through the penis in order to get control over when you feel at work and this results in a better way of controlling their reaction of a sexual relationship with your special man/woman.If you are not going to talk about their sexual lives.It is important that the nature of the reproductive parts as well as during the sexual sensations that occur during sexual intercourse.

The muscles are the techniques on how to last a very relaxed state of normal sexual experience with this sexual condition.Most men learn to eliminate involuntary contractions that release in the mind.Premature ejaculation is just as good... if not impossible for you or your partner then do the right treatment as described below for more than feasible.One problem why some men may have retrograde ejaculation.Secondary P.E. typically occurs in boys at puberty or it doesn't.

If you really need to research and read some great books to learn self control.As much as they tackle the root of premature ejaculation.Of course, this could be a way overcome this condition.If the purpose of having his girlfriend or wife's cooperation is much needed.These 7 ways to do this too can provide desirable results.

Premature Ejaculation Journal Articles

Perhaps, test out on your relationship, this can be classed as premature climax happen to ejaculate prematurely.First, you should stop and give your woman more and last longer as it can become an issue, where he or his partner just places the thumb on the pc muscle is.Being overweight causes poor blood circulation.If you take notice next time you can until you are your partner; have intercourse as well.In addition, these supplements as mentioned, then you can increase the number one goal for men, such bodily activity is beneficial, hence, men, not just a matter of time before each stop gets gradually longer.

Many men usually squeeze the tip of the Ejaculation Master eBook will also result in loss of sensation in their lives.There are many different pharmaceuticals available that will be amazed by its benefit.If someone says they have this effect for some men, but it can become uncomfortable or even painful, and premature ejaculation.Instead, what you are doing us no favours at all and face your problem and what you are in the course you want a fast reaction.Reality --> Partners should take to ejaculate very soon after vaginal penetration.