#so then i’m like. but i’m tired i should take it easy not stress myself out get into bed whatever

[ilostyou]

feeling like there is something like. inherently wrong with me or something 🤠

[amuyyi]

warm enough .

synopsis; recovering from an expected breakup, you find yourself drunk at a nearby bar, encountering an unfamiliar girl who happens to know your ex.

trope; non idol!ningning x fem!reader, uni au, fluff, a little angst, a little suggestive, strangers to lovers, feat. kep1er members :3

wc; 4.8k

cw; a little suggestive but not really

a/n; fun fact this happened to me irl ! figured i could use my experiences for stories ! everything from the breakup to the bar kiss is based on my personal experience so lol have fun. also its kinda poorly written because i wrote some of it while on the plane + in china while being very tired and i dont feel like proofreading so im sorry ^^'

The breakup was supposed to be a mutual thing. A smooth and easy agreement between you and Jimin. You guys met in a cafe when your soon-to-be-ex girlfriend finally dropped the bomb on you. 

“I still care a lot about you, y/n. But I want to focus on myself and my future… I think you should too.”

You wanted to speak up, say that you didn’t want to let go yet. Just… hold on for a little longer. Maybe it’d get better if you guys just kept it going for another week. Another month. Another day?

 “What I’m trying to say is…”

You always hated this part.

“I think we should break up.”

Despite the older girl being the one to initiate the ending of the relationship, you always knew it was coming. Jimin was sweet, and you definitely did enjoy the little dates you guys had been on through the past year, but there was something missing. Every time she looked at you, it seemed like she was looking through your eyes into her own. Her mind was always elsewhere whenever you two were together, like she was searching for something you couldn’t provide. She never seemed to smile around you, never laughed loudly or hugged you with warmth. 

You really tried to be the person for her, you really did; but it was apparent that she was trying to convince herself you were the one as well.

It was shown in the way she bought you endless gifts with things you said you wanted, but never kissed you, In the way she would allow you to hold her hand, but never reached out herself, how she couldn’t bring herself to say “I love you” out loud. Jimin was cold.

You agreed that this was the best path to take, how you felt the exact same way and that it would be good for the both of you, but the tears that nonconsensually left your eyes said otherwise. You still remember the last words you told her before you got up to leave.

“I really hoped it was you.”

There's a saying or the other. “Your body will know if someone is right for you.” You came across it while aimlessly scrolling on social media once, and you thought it was an interesting but ridiculous concept. Countless people would share stories about how their hair would fall out or how they would break out into horrible acne when they were with their past partners, only being relieved from this when single or with their “match.”

It was funny, and you didn’t believe one bit of it until it actually happened. The tightness in your chest that followed you every time you two went out together, the stress of wondering if she actually enjoyed her company, the way you couldn’t truly relax in her presence– it all went away. It all left when she walked out of your life, and you’ve never felt more at peace with a decision. At least, for a little bit.

The breakup was the easy part. It was the recovery that ruined you.

You were the one to establish a rule of no contact, even after you both expressed wanting to stay in touch. It was your only way to hold on to the last sliver of pride you had left after spending a year chasing after Yu Jimin. The rule was established to allow you some time to heal, and you hoped to return to the girl as friends once you felt ready.

With this in mind, you then proceeded to spend a month barely eating, barely sleeping, and not leaving your apartment unless you needed to for classes. It was difficult to be on your own after dedicating so much time to her, falling behind, hoping that she would see you the way you saw her; but after about a month, you slowly felt yourself regaining your footing.

You started going out again, talking with your roommate, taking time to actually care for yourself. It was nice. Perhaps your progress would have left you comfortable enough to move on if you didn’t decide to go out that day.

There she was. Yu Jimin. After an exact 31 days of no contact with her, you finally cross paths. Quite literally, at that– but she wasn’t alone. There was a girl on her arm. She was pretty. Blonde with bobbed hair and a soft smile that made it impossible to hate her. Jimin was smiling too. This is the first time you’ve seen her smile like that, smiling as if she found what she was looking for after all of this time. She doesn't look past her. She sees her.

Jimin holds the other girl by the small of her waist the way she used to do with you, and she kisses her. She kissed her. Just like how she used to kiss you, but not exactly. There's love in her eyes. A warmth you’ve never seen before. In her eyes, there is certainty.

And that was the day your world came crashing down on top of you.

You tried to act normal as you walked past. You really did. Your eyes remain glued to your phone as your knuckles turn white. Her eyes didn’t even meet yours as you walked by. Why wouldn't she look at you? Maybe she's wondering why you won't look at her. That must be it. You hold your breath. As soon as she passed by, you couldn’t help yourself. You made the mistake of looking back.

…Nothing.

As soon as Jimin was out of sight, you cried. You ran home, scaring half the life out of your poor roommate, Xiaoting, as you collapsed in your bed. Everything hurts. Why did it hurt? You wanted this. You felt better without her— the tightness in your chest was gone. 

Instead, it was replaced by an indescribably painful ache. One that felt so deep within your soul it would never heal. Quietly entering your room, Xiaoting says nothing as she sits next to your limp body on the bed, rubbing your back comfortingly. The gesture only makes you sob even harder. 

She's been with you through it all. From the beginning of your relationship with Jimin till the end, she was there. Xiaoting really was a good friend.

From then on, Xiaoting’s one goal was simple: cheer you up. She would cook at least once for you every day despite not being the best chef, and she would allow you to rant about the same things over and over no matter how overbearing it got. Honestly, you started to feel a little bad. She shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for you just because you’re a little sad.

So when Xiaoting announces that you will be joining her at the bar with her friends tonight, you couldn't say no. Both because she stated it, not asked you, and that it simply was the least you could do for her. Especially after everything she’s done for you. Before you knew it, you were dressed up in your best (slutty) corset top and cargo pants with some hoops and over exaggerated makeup to accent the look. Xiaoting, as your best roommate and friend, matches with you, and you two make a big scene out of getting ready together; blasting music, doing each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes, and more.

Xiaoting’s girlfriend Yujin had made herself at home for the pregame, and your mutual friend Hikaru soon followed. With Xiaoting as designated bartender, the four of you mingle, laughing and cracking jokes as the warmth of the alcohol and one another’s presence left you with a warming buzz. Xiaoting was an excellent mixer, and in combination with the chasers Hikaru bought and the drinking games Yujin proposed, you were all ready to go. 

Xiaoting and Yujin led the way, hand in hand as you and Hikaru trailed behind, drunkenly singing into the cold night air as you trek to the nearest bar.

Being a Friday night, the establishment had been as packed as expected, and you all squeezed your way past other visitors as you’re guided to a nearby table. Xiaoting starts off strong, ordering shots for the entire group before utilizing her combined charm alongside her girlfriend’s looks to convince guys to purchase drinks for everyone as well. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way the duo would bat their eyelashes innocently at lone men for drinks– but at least it worked.

Lazily, your eyes wander through the crowd, the alcohol in your system making it a struggle to see straight. Despite your inability to see properly, you still manage to catch a glimpse of your friends from the corner of your eye, and easily spot Yujin attempting to very publicly make out with Xiaoting as Hikaru struggles to pull her away. You stifle a laugh at the sight, and decide to leave the three to their antics whilst you look for someone to talk to.

It's been a while since you last struck up a conversation with a stranger. The last time you had put yourself out there was before you met… 

You shake your head. No. You are not letting your stupid ex ruin your night. Knitting your brows in concentration, you scan the bar. There were plenty of pretty girls to talk to, but you were feeling a little intimidated. Almost all of them came with at least one other person, and you didn’t want to intrude on anything…

 Your eyes landed on a lone blonde at the end of the table, scrolling through her phone with alcohol flushed cheeks. She seemed approachable. Worst case scenario, she simply shoos you off. Taking a deep breath, you approach the blonde, deciding to pull out your best conversation starter.

“Are you chinese? You look chinese!!” You exclaim, suddenly switching to mandarin in the middle of your sentence as you ask the question. Smooth.

The blonde girl looks as if she would’ve been extremely offended at the comment if you didn't just speak to her in her native tongue halfway through your sentence, and she quirks a brow at you, an amused smirk on her lips as she leans against the bar. 

“Yeah, I am! What's a cutie like you doing in a place like this alone??” 

You feel your heart begin to race. So far so good. “I'm not alone!!! My friends are just busy making out with each other and the other is trying to stop them!!” You also lean on the bar, though not as alluring as the blonde before you. More like you partially collapsed and partially slid on it.

She chortles at your response, “well that's not fair to you, leaving you here all alone.”

The sweet and somewhat sultry tone of the blonde makes (non alcohol induced) blush appear on your face as you laugh, “it really isn't! But whatever! My name is y/n by the way!! What's yours??” You scream over the music, sticking your hand out. It was an unexpectedly polite gesture considering your circumstances, and perhaps it may have seemed a bit comical as well with how drunk you were.

She giggles at the response, grabbing your hand then pulling you in, her lips dangerously close to your ear as she yells over the music, “Ning Yizhuo. But call me Ningning! It's cuter!”

You grin. Ningning was a cute nickname. You decided at this very moment you could trust this cute stranger with your life story and personal information she didn’t ask for, and begin to slur out.

“My friends dragged me out here because I was sad over my ex who moved on from me a month after the breakup even though we dated for a year and she's a big jerk for that even though I wish only the best for her but also I hope she dies!!!”

None of the words you spoke just now came out clear, and they seemed to trip over one another when leaving your mouth, but it was enough for the other girl to go from extremely relaxed to suddenly very heated. She stands up straight as her eyebrows knit together.

“To be honest I don’t think she ever really liked me in the first place! I don’t know!! Whatever it doesn’t matter!!!” You continue on, sounding absolutely pathetic as you let yourself feel through the anger you didn’t even know you were repressing, “I was stupid to stay with someone who couldn’t even look me in the eye when saying she loved me!! She was stupid to do the same!! Whatever!! I don’t know!!”

Ningning cuts you off with a raised hand before you can continue, “what the hell?! I hate people like that!!  You're wayyyy too hot to be treated that way! Who is she? What's her name?? I might know her!!”

Against your better drunken judgment, you decide to name drop your ex within a university bar. Because that is always a good idea. “Yu Jimin!! She's a engineering major !!!”

Ningning’s jaw drops as she stares at you, almost as if she were trying to find the correct words for what she has to say next.

“Girl, I know her !!!” She screams out after a brief moment of silence,  “we shared a class together once!! Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know she was like that!! You deserve BETTER!” 

Before you could even think of what to say in reaction to that heavy load of information, Ningning grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. It was a very messy one, her lips almost missing your own during the exchange. Seems like she's not entirely sober either. 

Still, even in your drunken state you knew what to do. Your hands immediately find Ningnings hair as you pull her in closer, and you can feel her smiling as she grazes her tongue over the bottom of your lip. 

You open your mouth to let her in and the only thing that you can think of or even feel for that matter is Ningning and her tongue. She… was really good at this. Jimin never kissed you like this before. Her hands trail down your back to your ass before she squeezes it, smirking when you squirm against her touch.

She breaks the kiss, her face inches away from yours as she breathes out, “you deserve so much better…” Ningning gives you a quick peck on the lips before stepping back, taking in her work with a devilish glint in her eyes. You stare at her dumbfounded for a moment before whipping out your phone, fully talking in your appearance. Your hair and makeup were a wreck. How did all of that happen just now?

“Done by yours truly~” Ningning winks at you, quickly slipping your phone out of your hand and typing something in.

“Wh— Wait what are you doing?”

“Giving you my number, obviously. My girls are gonna wonder where I went.” She hands back your phone and looks at you with soft eyes through her drunken daze. 

“Take care of yourself, yeah?” Ningning kisses you one last time, giving your hand a squeeze before letting go. She disappears into the crowd of partygoers, a sly fox-like grin on her face.

“There you are!” 

You feel an arm land on your shoulder as you jump, twirling around and looking down to see a drunk Hikaru with a slightly less drunk Xiaoting and an absolutely hammered Yujin on her side.

“We should probably head back home!” Xiaoting screams into your ear, “Hikaru’s gonna knock out on the couch and Yujin will be with me!”

Her words barely make it through to you, the music and the alcohol and the adrenaline within your system muffling out every word spoken. Regardless, you still nod and trail behind your friends as you leave, not all too sure what just happened.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You lay in bed, eyes practically burning holes into the new contact in your phone. “宁宁<3” is what it said. 

So last night wasn’t just a dream. You really did just get a girl's number by doing nothing but spilling your secrets to a stranger. On top of all of that, your head was absolutely killing you, you swore you could feel your heartbeat within your brain. Still, that wasn’t important. Biting your lip, your fingers hover over the contact name. Should you message her? 

y/n [10:59]  — hey !! its y/n, the girl from the bar

y/n [10:59]  — thanks for keeping me company last night :)

ningning [11:06]  — i was wondering if u were gonna text me back

ningning [11:06] — and of course <3 jimin doesn’t know what she lost

y/n [11:08] — haha im flattered

y/n [11:08]  — but u barely know me??

ningning [11:11]  — that can change xx

Your eyes widen as you reread the text over and over again. Is she implying what you think she's implying? What if she's just being friendly? Can you even platonically make out with someone at the bar?

y/n [11:16] — are u asking me out on a date ning yizhuo ?

You wait. 

Oh god. What if she was just being friendly?

ningning [11:18]  — only if youll have me 

You feel yourself blush at her message, burying your face into your pillow as you squeal like a high school teenager in love. It was embarrassing in hindsight, but.. it felt nice to be wanted. 

y/n [11:19] —  of course

ningning [11:19] — perfect <3 

ningning [11:20] — dinner at my place tonight then? 

ningning [11:20] — If youre not too hungover.. 

ningning [11:20] — i got the best hangover cures ;)

you can't help but arch your eyebrow at the winky face she added at the end but brushed it off, more focused on the fact that your drunk hatred towards your ex landed you a date. 

You scramble to your feet and (metaphorically) kick down Xiaoting’s door, abruptly waking the girl from her nap as she screams out, “WO CAO!” She places a hand over her heart as she bolts up within her bed, immediately letting out a sigh of relief when she realizes it was just you. 

“Girl what the HELL is wrong with you?!” She hisses, laying back down and throwing the blanket over her head.

You, being the ever loving and best roommate ever, respond to this by jumping into bed with (on top of) the redhead and squeezing her as tight as you can while screaming “I HAVE A DATE!!!”

Xiaoting shoots back up, your arms still latched onto her torso as she looks down at you, eyes wide. “Wait, are you serious?”

You hear a low groan and a hand slapping your arm as you roll your eyes, slapping the arm back as the voice of Yujin grumbles out and shuffles deeper within the sheets.

Both you and Xiaoting look at one another and giggle before she quietly slips out of bed, quickly placing a kiss on Yujins head before grabbing your arm and leading you out of her room. Once outside, she firmly grasps your shoulders. 

“Okay, now tell me everything.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You nervously stand outside of Ningnings apartment, bag clutched in hand as you look back behind you. Xiaoting sat within her car on the side of the road, keeping an eye on you to make sure this girl wasn’t going to kidnap you or the other.

The two of you (and soon enough Yujin and Hikaru) had spent the day giving you pointers on how to go about the date. They had thrown an ungodly amount of clothes your way as well as telling you endless conversation starters and compliments to give another person. By the end of it all your head was overflowing with information that you were going to forget as soon as you head out the door, and all of your closet was sprawled on your bedroom floor and in the living room. Still, the girls seemed quite proud of their work.

All of you had consecutively agreed on an outfit that was nice, but not too nice. You wore a plaid skirt paired with a simple tank top and an off the shoulder cardigan.

Holding your breath, you ring the doorbell. You really hoped this wasn’t a mistake. When was the last time you were actually on a date with someone? You couldn't remember. After a few moments of silence, you hear shuffling followed by the door unlocking and Ningning poking her head out shyly. Her eyes light up at the sight of you before opening the door completely, revealing her outfit.

She wore an oversized plaid button up, unintentionally matching with your skirt alongside baggy jeans and some bunny slippers you thought were incredibly cute. Her hair was tied up in a messy but charming bun, held up by a hair stick with small gemstones dangling from the end.

This Ningning was completely different from the one you had met at the bar last night. Though, you suppose you were a different person now as well.

“You're here! Come in come in!” She grabs your hand and guides you inside. Flustered, you spare a quick glance behind you, and you can spot the silhouette of Xiaoting throwing a thumbs up from her car before Ningning closes the door behind you.

“You look gorgeous today, by the way,” Ningning compliments, her thumb rubbing over your fingers as she walks you through her apartment. The gesture makes your cheeks warm, and you find yourself easing into her touch like putty. It was a touch that was loving. Kind. Intentional. 

Her home was cozy, with white walls paired alongside warm lighting and paintings and other wall art lining the interior. There was an appetizing aroma that wafted through the air, and you had remembered that Ningning had offered to cook for you.

“What have you prepared for us tonight, chef Ningning?” You ask, squeezing her hand as she grins, “Well it's not much, I'm not a really good cook but I decided to make us some dumplings! A little basic, but it's the only dish I feel like I’ve actually perfected.”

“I hope this is the hangover cure you mentioned” you comment lightheartedly, and you sense a playful energy in the way she looks back at you.

“You'll find out soon enough.”

You once again find yourself quirking a brow at her vague answers, but she simply smiles at you innocently and you find yourself smiling back. It was hard to not be amused by her.

Ningning guides you to the kitchen, which was cleaned perfectly for your arrival. On the center of the table were multiple bamboo steamer baskets, as well as a large tea pot and a simple glass bottle with various native wildflowers as a centerpiece. 

The other girl pulls out a chair for you, and you teasing grin at the polite gesture, “how romantic, Ninging~”

She rolls her eyes and giggles before settling down herself, instantaneously pouring you a cup of tea as she gestures at the baskets, “go on, dig in. I’ll be personally offended if you don’t.”

Chuckling, you open up the baskets, releasing clouds of steam before revealing multiple handmade dumplings with various fillings and differing folding styles. Your eyes widen, and you simply comment, “wow,” before taking the first bite of the food.

To say that it tasted amazing was an understatement– you practically felt like you were thrown back to the motherland with a single bite, and it wasn’t long before you were filling your plate with more.

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening getting to know one another more. You had learned she was a computer science major and going onto her third year of uni, as well as the fact she was from Harbing whilst you shared that you were from Shanghai. 

“Big city girl, huh?” Ningning amusedly comments, sipping on her tea as you roll your eyes, “yeah… But I'm not rich or anything before you ask.”

The blonde feigns rejection as she snaps her fingers, “damn. I was gonna ask you to buy drinks next time we head to the bars, I think you owe me. ” She smiles at you, and it's warm.

You liked this. You liked how easy it was to talk to her. It was never this easy before.

Soon enough you had ended up on Ningning’s couch, browsing through movies aimlessly as the hefty meal threatened to send you into a food coma. The blonde lay comfortably in your arms underneath a blanket, her eyes occasionally fluttering shut as you continued to search for something to watch.

“Hmm, what about… Velocipastor?” The name completely throws you off guard, prompting you to click on it, skimming over the description as you feel the vibration of Ninging lazily humming beneath you. 

“Oh that movie is really good, trust me.”

“... Really? Are you sure, Ning?”

“Yeah yeah…” Her eyes were already shut as she spoke, nuzzling in closer to you as you chuckle, putting on the movie as you wrap your arms around her, pulling her in closer. 

Honestly, the movie seemed to be an excuse for the girl to be physically close to you– maybe get a nap in? You weren’t even sure if she was watching the movie at this point. Still, maybe it was for the best. Velocipastor was definitely not well funded within its production, that much could be seen. Plus, you couldn't complain about having a cute girl in your arms.

“Does your head still hurt?”

Ningning’s soft voice rings out, startling you. Honestly, you were getting pretty invested in the film, you had thought she already fell asleep.

“Mmm, a little. I don’t think your hangover cure worked.”

“Oh, the dumplings weren’t the cure.”

Your head cocks to the side as you tear your gaze away from the tv screen, looking down at the girl nestled on your chest as she looks back up at you. There was that all too familiar glint in her eyes again.

“Then what is?”

A mischievous grin curls on her lips before she leans in, connecting her lips with yours. Still a bit sluggish from the night before alongside a hefty meal, her kissing was a bit sloppy, but it was soft. Much softer than before.

You feel yourself almost immediately sigh into the kiss, and you would have found it embarrassing if she didnt guide her hand up your chest, to your neck, and into your hair, soon deepening the kiss. 

Not expecting things to escalate so soon, you couldn’t help but let out a soft whimper as your hands landed on her hips, nails digging into her sides desperately as she laughs against your lips, pulling back. 

“You’re really cute, y’know?” She purrs, using her hand to brush a strand of hair out of your face, and you can see the hint of pink spread across her lips as she smiles, drinking in the sight of you.

Before you even have a chance to respond, Ningning tackles your jawline, trailing kisses down your face and onto your neck. You try to respond, but when she starts to nip the side of your neck, the words you wanted to say somehow managed to melt into complete mush.

“Mmhmmhgh…” 

The sound that escapes your lips allows you the chance to actually feel embarrassed, and you slam a hand over your lips, looking away from Ninging. Your response elicits another laugh from the blonde, and you swear you could listen to the sound forever. 

Her symphony soon quiets though, and Ningning looks you straight in the eye, her gaze softening as she opens her mouth, struggling to find the right words to say.

“Look, I know we just met…” she trails off for a moment, almost a bit shy to continue, “but if you want to give me a chance and see where this goes, I promise I’ll treat you so well.” 

Her eyes are filled with genuine desire for you, and you couldn’t help but feel… Isolated? Targetted? For the first time you feel like you’re seen, and you don’t know what to do about it.

She presses on, “I’d really like to see you again, and I know you’re going through a lot right now but I want to be there with you every step of the way. I want to see where this takes us.”

“I want you, y/n.”

Your face heats up instantaneously, and you swear your eyes were threatening to bulge out of your skull right then and there. You look at her in silence as you struggle to find your words, and after a few seconds you finally croak out,

“I… I want to see where this takes us too, Ningning.”

Her eyes brighten at your response, and she beams, pulling you into a tight hug on the couch before interlocking her lips with yours once again. You giggle into the kiss, and throw the blanket over the two of you as the movie on the tv buzzed on. For the first time, you found someone warm enough for you.

[cookinguptales]

So… last week I made a vent post about an accessibility issue I’d had with some podcasters. I really only meant for the post to be read by my followers (who to my knowledge aren’t familiar with the podcast in question) which is why I put minimal tags on it and didn’t name the show.

But… the post got legs that I wasn’t expecting, and eventually a lot of people asked for the name of the show. I hadn’t intended on creating a whole big thing, so I was kind of reluctant, but I did see the logic in what they were saying — as a disabled woman myself, I would also want to know if I were supporting podcasters whose values did not align with mine. So I told people quietly in the notes that the show had been Old Gods of Appalachia.

Things… did not stay quiet.

Frankly speaking, one of the reasons why I don’t write as many posts about disability and ableism these days is because I got tired of people writing to me and telling me that people like me should be dead. So you can imagine what kind of fucking week I’ve been having since all that blew up. It’s been a very high symptom week, too, so I’m just. Very tired and stressed rn.

Personally, I’d be happy to never talk about it again and try to get back to my everyday life, but I did think it was important to note that the creators of OGOA must have gotten wind of the post, and they did contact me.

I won’t post the whole email here, but it was a good response. Since seeing my post, they’d tried getting in contact with the venue and realized very quickly why I’d been so frustrated. They ended up needing to go through their booking agent to get any kind of answers — so like, to the people who sent me a thousand messages telling me I was an entitled idiot who just needed to contact the venue, please know that none of you were remotely helpful.

Again, I’m not going to post the entire email, but I did think it was important to be fair and use the same platform that I used to vent to tell people that they seem committed to doing better in the future. They told me that they would be making sure that they have all this information going forward and that they would no longer allow it to be such a barrier to entry for disabled fans.

They invited me back to the show and… god, I’ll admit it. I really had to think about my answer. Not to sound ungrateful, but after the week I’ve had, even thinking about the podcast, the podcasters, and that damn live show has me stressed af. I had to really consider whether I even wanted to go.

But in the months since I first contacted them, they added a show that’s a lot closer to where I live, so rather than a weekend trip, I could just take a single bus. And it’s near one of my favorite Japanese restaurants in the city, so if all else fails, I can at least have some good katsudon. So I will be going to the Philadelphia show.

(Though for fellow disabled fans, Terakawa Ramen is not wheelchair accessible. 🙃 Most days I can do the two steps into the restaurant, but not always. Philly, I love and loathe you.)

Anyway, I wanted to reply to them before I made a post here, but… yeah. We’ve worked things out, I think. Only the future can tell what they'll do going forward but they do seem committed to doing better.

To me, there are always two goals when I write about disability and ableism. The first is that disabled people will feel seen. That is always, always my primary goal. It’s so easy for us to feel invisible and unimportant, and I always want to make you all feel seen, just like I want to feel seen. The second is that able-bodied folks will listen and learn and do their best to support their disabled peers in the future.

So… I think that my post managed to fulfill both of those goals. A lot of disabled people have reblogged that post and have talked about their own experiences, and a lot of them have explicitly said how much that post makes them feel seen. And the podcasters in question seem to have really reflected on their actions and seem to want to do better going forward.

So as incredibly fucking stressed out as I’ve been, I guess I can’t regret making the post. It’s always good to know that your words can have impact. The post has long since moved out of my friends circle so I assume it’ll just keep circulating and I’ll keep getting shitty anons and chat messages, but I’m just gonna focus on what good has come from it. I’m hopeful that my post will make life tangibly better for at least a few disabled people, and I’m encouraged by the fact that podcasters who I’d formerly liked do actually seem to want to do the work needed to improve.

And uh I’m not answering any more messages from people who just wanna swear at me. I’m tired. Leave me alone.

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 4

Mature Content 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: This chapter contains mentions of attempted sexual assault. Very vague and nothing graphic, but please take care of yourself before reading. It's very short and easy to skip over. Emotional abuse, trauma response, asshole parents.

Word Count: 6.8k

Chapter 3 | Masterlist

The following Monday, I was sitting in the empty classroom on base. Class was awful today. I’m so sick of pretentious law students who are only there on daddy’s money. They’re all rude and hateful and for some ungodly reason I am their target for their cruel words and jokes. So, I’m sat here, eyes glued to the board in front of me as thoughts raced through my head. I should be studying for my exam tomorrow. I have only studied five of the ten chapters and the stress was palpable. I needed to study but I couldn’t even bring myself to look down at my textbook. “You okay?” I jumped at the voice, slinging my phone off the desk and looking down at my textbook. “Calm down. It’s just me.” I turned to see Lieutenant Seresin pushing himself off the doorframe, walking closer. I huffed, standing from my seat and closing my textbook. “Woah, hey. Don’t leave.” He came over, slamming his hand on the textbook. I sighed, staring down at his large hand on the textbook. “Please take your hand off my book.” I said, meeting his gaze. His green eyes stared into my own, holding my stare.

“Lieutenant. I would like to leave, and I can’t do that until you remove your hand from my textbook.” We continued to hold eye contact before finally, he removed his hand from my textbook. “Thank you.” I said before placing the book in my bag and hiking it up onto my shoulder. “Can we talk?” I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lieutenant.” He huffed, hands slapping his thighs as he dropped them. “What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?” I huffed, turning back to him. “it’s not a matter of forgiveness, Lieutenant.” “You can call me Jake if you want.” He flashed me a smile, but I kept a straight face. “Lieutenant. You were rude to me. I put up with enough rude people in my life and I don’t need to add anymore. "I said I was sorry." He said as I headed for the door. "Lieutenant. Have you ever considered that I didn't want to hear an apology? That maybe all I wanted was to be left alone?" His mouth hung open, as if he was searching for the right words. "You didn't. You decided to pull me into a room alone with you, which I really did not want. Then you had me pinned to a filing cabinet and I felt cornered. Maybe next time you want to apologize to someone, don't force them to listen to you. I'm forced to do enough in my life." I said before finally exiting the room, a weight lifting off my shoulders.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Lieutenant Seresin tried to talk to me. I started drifting around base attempting to hide from him, but he just kept finding me. “Katie!” I laid my head on the table, I was so tired of dealing with him. “I think I liked you better when you were an ass.” I said as he sat across from me. He had a wide grin on his face, propping his chin in his hand as he watched me work. “What are you working on?” I huffed, continuing my work. “Just cleaning up my notes for my Bioethics class.” He hummed, leaning closer and looking at my notes. “So… do you like law?” I kept my mouth shut, not knowing how to answer. “Oh, come on, Katie. It was a simple question.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. My knee bounced, not able to sit still. “I hate it.” It was a whisper, but it felt like a scream in the still room. “Then why do it?” He asked, shrugging nonchalantly. “Money.” He raised a brow at me and chuckled. “Okay. If it wasn’t for the money, what would you be doing?” He asked and I shrugged. “Nursing has always sparked my interest.” He nodded. “I guess I can see the reason for money. Nurses aren’t always paid the best.” I nodded, a small smile forming on my face. “Yeah, they really aren’t. Not for all the work they do at least.”

“So why aren't you doing it?” I furrowed my brows at his question, a little lost in my own answer. “My parents don’t want me to.” His brows shot up in surprise, as if he wasn’t expecting that to be my answer. “Do you always listen to your parents?” I nodded as I jotted down a few notes. “Isn’t that kind of the point? As kids we’re taught that our parents know what’s best for us.” My phone buzzed and I picked it up, seeing a notification that Natasha had made an instagram post. I opened the app, liking the picture before I started scrolling. “Your parent’s don’t always know what’s best for you.” He said, catching my attention. I looked up at him, furrowing my brows. “I’m sorry. What were we talking about?” Looking at my phone, our entire conversation flew out of my head and for the life of me I couldn’t remember what I said that led to this conversation. He just scoffed, looking at me incredulously. “Have you ever made a decision for yourself?” I was taken aback by his question. Does he think I’m incapable of making a decision? “Of course I have!”

“When was the last time you decided something for yourself?” I thought back on it, realizing that other than what I wear on a day to day basis, I haven’t decided much for myself. My face burned at the realization and sadly, that made him aware. “See. You’re a grown woman who can’t even do what she wants in life because you allow them to control you.” I glared at him, more angry that I realized he was right than him pointing it out. “You don’t have to look at me like that for me to know I’m right.” I was gripping my pen so hard I felt like I would break it. “Can we not talk about my parents? Better yet, let’s not talk at all.” He just chuckled, leaning back in his seat again as I went back to my notes. We spent the rest of the day in silence, and if you disregard our earlier conversation, it was nice. At home that night I was studying for an upcoming test, when my mom came into my room. “You need to get down here and fold this laundry.” It took me a second to realize she meant hers and my fathers. Mine was done this past weekend. I took a deep breath, turning to face her. “I can’t. I need to study.” I said before turning back to my text book. I grabbed my pencil as my heart beat in my ears, adrenaline flooding my body. “AH!” I screamed as my mother grabbed my hair, yanking my head back for me to look at her. “What did you say to me?” There was venom in her voice and she kept pulling as my head bent over the back of my desk chair.

“I’ll do it! I’ll do it! I’m sorry!” I yelled out, grabbing her wrist in hopes she’d let go of my hair. “Not until you tell me what you said.” “I said I couldn’t because I need to study.” I cried. She yanked my hair again, flipping my chair onto it’s back and sending me to the floor. “Let me remind you that I do everything for you and I have your entire life. I have fed you, I have clothed you and I have made sure you’ve always had a roof over your head. I will not tolerate this level of disrespect.” She spat the words in my face as she got down on my eyes level. “I can kick you to the curb at any second and you will have nowhere to go. You are nothing without me. You wouldn’t be any kind of lady without me and you wouldn’t have the life you have without me. Now, show a little gratitude and fold the laundry downstairs.” Her tone was menacing as her face got near mine. “Yes, ma’am.” I squeaked, managing to stand up. “Now get!” I rushed from my room, going down the stairs so fast I thought it might trip before I grabbed the laundry from the laundry room. I took it into the living room, immediately getting to work on folding my parents clothes.

The next day Lieutenant Seresin didn’t come find me, and honestly, I missed it a little. He would irritate me when he would talk, but just having a presence there, knowing I wasn’t alone was nice. So I sat in silence, managing to get a good amount of work done for once. Once it was time for dad and I to leave, I walked down to his office, waiting for him outside the door. As I waited, I scrolled through my phone but was interrupted by a tall presence next to me. “Hi.” The man said as I looked up at him. “Um, hi.” I responded, not knowing what else to say. “I’m Lieutenant Commander Blake Richardson.” I nodded. “Katie Blair.” He smiled at me, leaning on the wall next to me. “Oh, I know who you are.” I furrowed my brows in confusion. “I um, I’ve seen you around. I’ve been working up the courage to talk to you.” Something was off with this guy, I could feel it in my gut. He seemed like a really confident guy, not someone who would be nervous to talk to women. “I actually wanted to ask if you would go on a date with me?” I was shocked. I’ve been on dates before but they were usually men my parents set me up with, like Coop. But I didn’t feel right about this guy. “Oh, thank you but I’m not-” “She’ll go.” I jumped hearing my fathers voice behind me. “Okay, I’ll pick you up Thursday at seven.” He said before walking away. My shoulders fell in dejection, realizing I had no say. “You’d be stupid to turn him down. He’s climbing the ranks quickly, has the potential to be Fleet Commander one day.” Dad said as he laid a hand on my shoulder.

I dreaded Thursday all week, and I was tempted to fake being sick to get out of it. But even if I was actually sick I’d still be forced to go. My mother was ecstatic, talking about how this could be the man I’d marry. Sometimes I can’t tell if they want me to get a law degree or an MRS degree. I slipped on a tiffany blue dress, with nude heels and sighed as I grabbed my purse. I did not want to do this, but it was better to get it over with than put it off. As soon as he arrived, my mother swung the door open as I came downstairs. “Lieutenant Commander, so nice to meet you.” Her voice was sickly sweet as she held her hand for him to shake. Once I hit the last step I noticed he wore his tans and I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose up at it. “Well, you two have fun. Not too much fun though.” I went to step past mom but she grabbed my arm, digging her nails in as she did it. “Do not mess this up.” She hissed in my ear and I nodded, following Blake out to his truck. It was an older model ford, but it looked nice. He immediately got in on the driver’s side and as I opened the passenger side door, a flood of water bottles fell out. I huffed, pulling myself in, almost losing a heel in the process. We drove in silence to the little Italian restaurant, and I wish he had kept his mouth shut through dinner as well. The only thing he spoke about was himself and his job.

By the end of the night, I knew more about this man than I truly cared too. We got back into the truck and I listened to him go on more as we drove. Not once did he ask about me or even show any interest in me. It’s like he asked me on a date just to have someone to gloat to. I stared out the window, showing my boredom as he pulled over just at the end of my street behind a set of bushes. “What are you doing?” I asked, turning to face him. He smiled at me, slinging his arm along the back of the bench seat and playing with my hair. “Just figured we could have a minute alone.” He said as he slid closer to me. “Well I’d appreciate it if you took me home.” He chuckled, his face closing in on mine. “Oh come on, haven’t you had fun?” I shook my head. “No. I haven’t said a word all night, in fact, this is the first time I’ve said anything all night.” He rolled his eyes, scoffing. “I know how to make this fun.” I raised a brow but slapped his arm when he stuck his hand under my dress. “What the fuck?!” I yelled, backing myself into the door. “God, Coop said you could be difficult.” My heart dropped and before I could open the truck door, he grabbed my leg, dragging me closer to him and pushing me down in the seat. I screamed, managing to grab the door handle and push it open, but he leaned over me, pulling it closed.

He managed to push my dress up and in my panic I brought my knee up, hitting him in the crotch. He yelled out, gasping for breath and I used the opportunity to rear my fist back, connecting with his nose. Immediately blood dripped onto my chest and I dragged myself from under him. He gripped the neckline of my dress, ripping it as I yanked myself away. I grabbed my bag, running up the sidewalk to my house. “YOU BITCH!” My pulse was thrumming through my ears and I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with my shoes, so I kicked them off, grabbing them in my hands and sprinting. I was almost to my driveway when Blake’s truck swerved in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. He got out, rounding the truck and stomping towards me, blood dripping from his nose to the ground. It felt like my body was buzzing as I stood there, purse on my shoulder, heels in one hand while the other held a part of my dress up. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what my first reaction was. I screamed as loud as I could, the distressing noise ripping through the air around us and within seconds the porch light of my house came on, and so did the one on my neighbors porch, which I was standing in front of. “What the hell is going on?” I froze hearing my mother’s voice. She sounded angry and for a split second, I debated on taking my chances with Blake.

She stormed over with my father behind her, just as our neighbor, Cindy, came out. “Meredith? What’s going on?” She asked my mother. As she got closer she gasped, seeing the state I was in. “Oh dear, what happened?” She asked, carefully taking my heels from me so I could use both hands to hold up my dress. “What did you do to her?!” She turned to Blake, yelling at him. Tears spilled down my cheeks at her defending me. “Oh, Cindy. I’m sure it’s just a big misunderstanding.” Mom said coming over, shushing me and taking me into her arms. I tensed up, not used to her touching me like this. “What happened?” My father asked Blake and he glared at me. “She kneed me in the balls and then punched me in the nose.” He spat and my father glared at me. “Well you obviously deserved it. Look at the state she’s in!” Cindy yelled. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you inside.” Mom pulled and for a second I didn’t budge, but I finally did when she pulled a little harder. I looked back seeing Cindy was red in the face with rage. “I’m calling the cops! He should be arrested for what he did to her!” She yelled out. Just as we got inside, I heard her yell one last time. “Richard! Are you not going to do anything about this?” She yelled at my dad. Before mom could scold me I rushed away, up to my room and slammed the door shut.

When I was finally alone, everything hit me. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t breathe, sliding down my bedroom door as I sobbed. Where the hell did I go wrong? My parents hate me so much that they would cover for a man that attempted to hurt me. I looked down seeing my torn and bloody dress and felt disgusting. I stood, about to yank it off when I stopped and grabbed my phone. I decided to take pictures, that way if he ever says anything, I have proof. I managed to take pictures and then I yanked off the dress, letting it fall to the floor. I got into my dresser, pulling out a large t-shirt and slipping it on. Once I finally stopped, all the emotions set in and I stood in the middle of my bedroom, shaking as I held myself. But that all stopped when I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew what was coming and prepared myself. What I didn’t expect was my door to fly open and one of my heels flew across the room, narrowly missing my head as it crashed into the wall, leaving a hole. “What the hell did you do?” My dad asked, my mother standing behind him, a scowl on her face. “I didn’t do anything. I sat there and I let him go on about himself, I didn’t put a toe out of line. But then he decided he wanted sex from me and I said no, clearly he doesn’t understand what that word means.”

“Do you have any idea how this makes us look?” My dad asked and I felt like my head was going to explode. “I WAS ALMOST RAPED AND YOU’RE ONLY CONCERNED WITH OUR IMAGE?!” I screamed. I could see the anger in his eyes but my mom stepped past him, walking till she was a foot away. “Katie. Sometimes giving people what they want makes life a lot easier.” My jaw hit the floor at her words, my mind reeling and not comprehending. “So you wanted me to just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted with me?” She didn’t say anything but I knew the answer. “You know, they say kids who grew up in abusive households are more likely to be in abusive relationships as adults.” She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring up at me. “You wouldn’t know abuse if it hit you in the face.” I took a step closer, towering over her five foot frame with my own, glaring at her. “You mean like you do?” At my words her hand shot out and smacked me in the face. In all reality, I should’ve seen it coming but I didn’t move from my spot, just facing her and staring into her dull gray eyes. “I’m leaving.” I said before turning around and grabbing my purse. I turned back to find my father blocking the doorway with his large figure. “Move.” I said and he scoffed. “You don’t scare me. Where do you think you’re gonna go? Your car belongs to us, if you take it we’ll report it stole and you’ll do jail time. You have no friends and nowhere to go.” I opened my mouth to retort but my mother stepped into the room and he slammed the door shut behind him as he walked out.

My heart was pounding in my ears, I was just so brave, but now that I’m alone with her, that bravery might as well have dove out the window. “Sit down.” Her tone was soft, something I rarely remember her being. I stared at her for a moment before sitting down on the bed and she sat next to me. I jumped as she grabbed my hand, holding it in both of hers as she took a deep breath. “Do you know why we’re so hard on you? It’s because we love you.” I opened my mouth but she held her hand up. “Let me finish. Your father and I both grew up with nothing, and with your father’s career, we would be able to give you everything we never had. We’re hard on you because we want you to be successful, so you can have the things you want in life. But dammit Katie if you don’t make it hard. We know what’s best for you and you just keep pulling away.” She brushed some hair behind my ear, sighing. “You can be so hard to love, Katie.” Tears sprung to my eyes at her words. “We want you to have a good career and marry someone who has your best interest at heart like we do. You never made it easy on us. Do you remember all the problems you had throughout school?” I immediately nodded. Getting good grades was hard enough but I was very impulsive, and I still can be. I was also a very hyper child, and could be very unruly at times. “We do what we do so you can be a successful adult and look, as you’ve gotten older, you’ve gotten better. But you’re still not the woman you should be. That’s why we continue to be hard on you. Without us, you would probably be living on the streets somewhere with no food or money.”

She wiped the tears from my eyes, startling me. “We do it because if we didn’t, no one could ever love you Katie.” I nodded, looking at her. “Mom, I’m so sorry for being an awful daughter.” She smiled at me softly. “You’ll get better with time.” I nodded, leaning in for a hug that I thought she may give me when she stood up, walking towards the door. “Why don’t you do a little studying before you go to bed? You know, calm down a little. You were pretty hysterical.” All I could do was nod as she walked out and closed the door behind her. I did as she said, studying a little before crawling into my warm bed. I looked around my room, realizing she was right. Without them I wouldn’t have a warm place to sleep, I wouldn’t have all the nice clothes I have, and I probably wouldn’t have my fish, two of which were looking at me, making me realize that in the chaos I forgot to feed them. I got up, dumping a little food in before crawling back in bed, laying on my side to watch them. My eyes locked on Georgie and my eyes followed him all over the tank, never breaking from him. I don’t know how long I stared at him but I knew I hadn’t blinked in a while. I knew I should but that would break my concentration and I was relaxed watching him swim around the tank. It didn’t matter because within minutes my eyes fluttered closed and my breathing evened out.

The next morning my parents didn’t speak to me much but they did smile at me, so I know they’re not mad. I was about to walk out the door for class when there was a knock on it. I swung the door open, caught off guard by two police officers. “How can I help you?” I asked and they looked around. “We got a call about a disturbance last night. Are you Miss Blair?” I nodded. “I am.” They looked at each other, then back to me. “Could you tell us what happened last night?” I swallowed, hard. “My boyfriend and I got into it. I was so frustrated I screamed. It’s no big deal.” They nodded again. “Has he ever hurt you physically in any way? We were told he had blood on his face.” I shook my head quickly. “No. It was dark and she must've been seeing things. We resolved it and everyone went home.” They nodded, looking at me suspiciously “We were also told your parents were there. Are they here now?” I nodded as he pulled something out of his pocket. When he handed me a business card. “If you ever feel like you’re in danger and are too scared to call 911, this is my direct line. You can get help.” My heart thudded in my chest as I stared down at the card. “Thank you officer. I’ll keep that in mind.” They told me to have a good day before leaving. I closed the door, startled to find my mom behind it. “Everything okay?” I nodded, grabbing my bag and pulling my keys from the front pocket, dropping the business card in there. “Just some officers asking about last night.” She hummed as I pulled my bag onto my shoulder. She nodded, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Have a good day in class.”

I was stunned. That was the first time I had ever heard those words come out of her mouth. I felt like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone. I had no idea who this woman was, but she wasn’t my mother. I decided not to dwell on it, opting to take whatever kindness she was willing to give me, not knowing if she would give it to me when I got home tonight. I actually had a good day in class and all around. Maybe mom was right, they know what’s best for me and if I just listen, my days could be easier. When I walked into my dads office he gave me a small smile. “How was your day?” I asked and he just sighed. “Long. We’ll probably be here late tonight.” I nodded, leaving him and opting to go back to the rec room, try and go back to my old routine. I walked in, seeing Bradley and Natasha sitting at the table. “Hi!” I greeted happily as I sat next to Bradley. “Hey, where’ve you been?” He asked as he looked down at me. “I was sitting elsewhere to try and avoid Coop and Lieutenant Seresin. But Lieutenant Seresin finds me anyway so there’s no point in hiding.” I chuckled as I pulled out all my stuff.

“So you weren’t avoiding us?” I shook my head. “Y’all are great and I really like being around you. But with my parents, sometimes space is best.” They nodded in understanding and I got to work as we all caught up. But that all came to a screeching halt when I heard a familiar voice. “There you are Kate. I’ve missed you.” I felt his fingers in my hair and I immediately turned, smacking his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me.” I snapped, standing from my seat. “Ooh, still feisty from last night I see.” Coop said just as Blake came into the room, a bandage on his nose and bruises around his eye. “What are you talking about?” My heart thudded in my chest, my stomach twisting in knots. Surely he didn’t go around telling people. Someone would call the cops, and he certainly isn’t gonna say he got his nose broken by a girl. “Last night. You know, all the fun we had in my truck.” Blake said, winking at me. “We didn’t sleep together.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest as I glared at him. “Poor Katie. You were pretty dumb under me last night.” He reached out to touch my cheek and I smacked his hand away. “Damn, I knew I hit you hard, but I must’ve knocked your brain loose when I broke your nose.” He glared at me, a look that if possible, would’ve had me six feet under.

“No I asked you to do that, remember?” I furrowed my brows, giving him a ‘what the fuck’ look. “Oh, did you not know Blake was a hardcore masochist?” Coop asked. “I don’t give a fuck what he is. All I know is he attempted to sleep with me and I told him no.” I could feel Bradley and Natasha’s eyes on me, causing sweat to form on the back of my neck from nerves. “That’s not what I heard.” I stood up straight, glaring at Coop and Blake. “I heard you two went for hours in his truck, all kinds of positions and some wild kinks. I always knew you were a freak.” His face was inches from mine and I glared into his eyes. “That’s not true, and you have three seconds to back the hell up and get out of my face.” I said, practically spitting in his face. “Ooh, what are you gonna do? Break my nose too?” Bradley stood up, placing his hand on Coop’s chest, pushing him back. “I think you need to go.” He laughed at Bradley just as Lieutenant Seresin came in. “You’re really gonna defend her? I knew you liked her Bradshaw, but what? Do you wanna fuck her too? Go ahead, I’m sure she’d spread her legs on that table for you right now!” I gasped as Bradley’s hand shot out, grabbing Coop by the neck. Coop was about an inch taller than me without shoes, so he’s very short compared to Bradley. Blake lunged for him and Lieutenant Seresin grabbed him, slamming him into the wall. Immediately a fight broke out and I had no idea who to stop until Natasha grabbed Bradley’s arm and I went for Lieutenant Seresin. Everything felt like it lasted hours, but in reality it was a matter of seconds before a loud voice stopped us. I stood straight, slamming my back against the wall next to Blake, keeping my eyes on the floor.

“What the hell is going on here?” I looked up, shocked to see Maverick. “Start talking.” Coop and Blake looked at each other, nodding. “I was just talking to Katie here and Bradshaw seemed to be a little possessive. He attacked me out of nowhere.” Coop said. “Oh bullshit!” Three voices called out, startling me. “You came in here, spreading a pathetic rumor about Katie, and you’re just mad that someone besides her stood up to you.” Natasha fired off, stepping closer to Blake. “I bet she told you no, and you tried to have your way with her anyway.” Blake immediately lunged for her but was stopped when Lieutenant Seresin grabbed him, slamming his back into the wall. “Is it true?” The look on his face was dark, scary looking as he stared into Blake’s face. “Did you, or did you not try to hurt her?” Blake started to panic and nodded as Jake let him go, sliding down the wall. “Get up. You pathetic piece of shit.” He said, kicking Blake’s leg. “Hangman.” Maverick said, and he backed off. “Everyone needs to leave. Now.” They all nodded, standing and walking out the door. I went to follow but Maverick stopped me, motioning me to have a seat. I've never talked to Maverick, at least alone. It made me nervous and my whole body shook as I sat in the chair, my eyes staying on my shoes. He grabbed the chair next to me, pulling it out and sitting in it backwards as he crossed his Arma over the top.

"What's going on lately? Coop seems hell bent on making you miserable. Do you know why?" I shook my head. "We went on a date a year ago and it didn't end well. Mainly with him insulting me. Neither of us contacted each other again and he was deployed. But then he came back for that mission and he's been a thorn in my side ever since." He nodded. "I've heard what he's been saying. Is it true?" I immediately shook my head. "No! Captain Mitchell, you have to believe me. I would never do that with anyone here on base. Especially people under my father." I was talking so fast he held his hands out. "I believe you. Truthfully I've never believed a word out of his mouth. I just want to cover my bases and get both sides." I nodded, taking a deep breath. "But was Phoenix right? About Richardson last night?" I bit my lip, pulling on my thumbs. I want to say yes, but I know that no matter what I say it will come back on me. "Katie. We can't help you if we don't know what's going on." I fought back the tears, looking into his eyes. "No. I willingly slept with him last night. I just didn't expect it to get around base and I was embarrassed. That's why I denied it all."

He stared at me before his shoulders fell. "You're lying." It was like my heart stopped in my chest, and I felt like I could die right there. "Why would you lie to cover him?" I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, letting them flow freely down my cheeks. "Because it was my fault." The room stilled and I couldn’t look him in the eye now. "I don't know if it was because I gave him the wrong signals, or maybe it was the way I was dressed. But I know it was my fault." I jumped as the chair screeched across the floor and Captain Mitchell firmly gripped my shoulders. "That is not your fault. You didn't make him do that, he chose to do it himself. Now tell me. Did he hurt you?" I looked up at him in fear and shook my head. "No. I got him off me when I broke his nose and he ripped my dress but he didn't do anything to me." "But he tried?" I nodded and he stood up straight. "I'll make sure Admiral Simpson knows about this, and they'll be dealt with accordingly. Does your father know?" I jumped up, shaking my head.

"No! You can't do anything, if my dad finds out-" "He'll be livid and he'll lose his position as Lieutenant Commander. He may even be dishonorably discharged." I shook my head, holding onto his arm. "Captain. My parents both heard me scream last night when I was running from him, and they came outside and saw the state I was in, all while Blake was standing there." He stared at me, brows furrowed. "Are you telling me that Commander Blair just let him walk away after what he did to you?" I couldn't deny it now, so I nodded. "He was too concerned about our image. Captain, no matter how this goes, to him it's my fault and I'll suffer the repercussions from it. So please, don't say anything." I could tell he was having an internal battle with himself and finally after a few minutes of thinking he agreed. It was like a weight was lifted off my chest and I could breathe. "But I'm making their lives miserable in training." I nodded, glad that even if they didn't get official punishment, he would make their lives hell here. "Thank you." He made his way towards the door, but stopped short of pulling it open. "Katie." I looked up at him as he stood there. "If you were my daughter, no one would be able to find him after I was done with him." I gave him a soft smile, appreciating the sentiment. "Thank you, Captain." With that he left the room, leaving me alone.

I sat back in my chair, staring at my textbooks just wondering how I could bring myself to study after all that. But I sat up anyway, pouring myself into my work. But it was no use, my mind kept drifting off to my father finding out. Visualizing all the ways he could react. I was startled out of my thoughts by a hand touching mine. "It's just me." Natasha said, calming me down. "You okay? You've been staring at the wall since I sat down. Which was like five minutes ago. " I quickly nodded. "I'm fine." She shook her head. "No you're not. Katie, when are you gonna let us help you?" I huffed, giving her a small smile. "I appreciate the offer Natasha. But I need to do this myself." She grinned at me widely. "What?" She pointed at me, smiling. "You didn't say you didn't need help. I'm getting through to you." She sing songed making me laugh lightly. "But really, after all that," She said, pointing to the spot where we were all standing earlier. "Rooster and Hangman had to take a walk. They are so mad, I'm surprised steam didn't pour out of their ears." The picture in my head made me laugh. "If you ever need us, we're here Katie." I smiled at her. "Wanna stay wtlith me while I study?" She nodded and we sat there.

Eventually Rooster joined us, and they both helped me study for an upcoming exam, which made me feel a lot more confident about it. Soon it was time for them to leave and eventually my father text me, telling me we were leaving. I stood from my seat, packing everything in my bag, and knocking my notebook in the floor in the process. Before I could even bend down to grab it, someone else did. "Here." I took it from Lieutenant Seresin, putting it back in my bag. "Thank you." I said and he bit his lip, eyes drifting to his shoes before he looked up at me, hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry." I raised a brow in confusion. "I never actually apologized when I pulled you on that closet. I didn't know Coop was going around saying that, and if I had, I would've put a stop to it." I nodded, hands clutching my bag as I looked at him. Dark jeans, an orange Longhorns shirt, and boots. It was odd to see him out of uniform, but he looked good. "Thank you. I appreciate the apology."

"That was actually why I came in here earlier. I heard what Richardson had been saying and I wanted to let you know." I gave him a small smile. "I really really appreciate that." He smiled at me. "Seemed I was a little late though." I shook my head. "I think you were right on time. Everything could've been a lot worse if you hadn't shown up when you did." He chuckled, nodding. "Um, look. I know you have Rooster and Phoenix’s number. But here's mine, ya know, just in case you need someone else." His accent was thick as he held out a folded up piece of paper to me. I took it from him, seeing he did in fact put his number down with his name messing scrawled under it. "Thank you, Lieutenant. If you'll excuse me, I have to go. Can't be late meeting my dad outside his office." He nodded as I turned, walking away. "Hey Katie?" I stopped in the doorway, looking at him. "You can call me Jake." I laughed to myself, smiling at him. "Have a good night, Jake." He flashed me a million dollar smile as I walked down the hallway.

That night after studying and my shower I laid in bed, scrolling through instagram when I came across a picture of Natasha and Jake. I immediately remembered I had his number and I got up, pulling it from my bag before I crawled back in bed. I plugged the number into my phone, debating on texting him. He had a girlfriend and she already saw us leaving a room together and got the wrong idea. But something told me to text him.

Thank you for today. I don't think you understand how much I appreciate you coming to tell me what was going on. Guess you're not so bad after all.

I set my phone down, rolling onto my side, attempting to fall asleep. I didn't expect a reply tonight, so I was surprised when my phone buzzed.

Any time, and I'm glad you think I'm not that bad. I feel like I gotta redeem myself with you in some way.

I just smiled, setting my phone down again. He's really been trying to get me to change my perspective of him. Maybe for once I should listen to myself and not my parents.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @wkndwlff @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @genius2050 @sandaltoesocks @mayhemmanaged @dempy @itsdesiree86 @callsign-athena @jstarr86 @brooke-stinson @rachkon @topguncultleader @bethbunnyy @topgun-imagines @clancycucumber230 @seitmai

[pensat-i-fet]

I chose you (Julián Álvarez x Reader)

**Got another Julián request recently and it’s always funny how easy it is to write for him. So hopefully it’s easy and enjoyable to read for all of you ❤️**

Word count: 1879

Masterlist

Wattpad

“Are you ok?”, asks my mum, and I can see the worry in her expression even through the screen.

“Yeah. Just not feeling 100% at the moment, you know?”

“Why? Are you sick or something?”

“No. I guess I’m just going through one of those moments where I don’t feel super confident or whatever. No specific reason. For all I know, it could just be the bad weather making me feel this way”.

“Is everything ok with Julián?”

I smile without even noticing. “Yes, mum. It’s nothing to do with him”.

“Well, I’ll still tell him to take better care of you so you don’t feel this way”.

“Mum, I’m a grown woman. I don’t need my boyfriend to take care of me”.

“We all need people to take care of us. Don’t forget that”.

I don’t want to admit it but I know she’s right. I’m always in my own head, not sharing how I feel and it can be a bit much sometimes.

“I’ll talk to Julián when he comes back”, I promise to myself before picking up my phone to waste my time on social media.

I see City have posted some photos, including one of Julián, so I like the post. Then I click on his profile and go to the tagged photos. I always love seeing all the photos of him that professional photographers take. I have an album full of them.

But I also see photos fans have posted. It seems like there are more girls taking photos with him after training. With him and all the others, but I only care about my boyfriend.

I’m not a jealous person. I’ve never been, honestly. It’s easy to say you aren’t but then your actions show the opposite. However, that’s not me. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with the stress if I was a jealous person and dating a football player.

So it’s not jealousy I feel while reading the captions they write for my boyfriend. Or seeing the videos where they try to hug him or kiss his cheek. But if it isn’t jealousy, then what is it?

I usually would just laugh it off. Julián himself tells me stories of these meetings whenever something funny happens, knowing how little I’ll care about their flirting with him.

Opening TikTok is probably the stupidest idea at the moment. Yet here I am wasting more time making myself feel ugly seeing all the gorgeous girls I follow for beauty and fashion inspo and getting annoyed at the edits Julián’s fans make for him.

“I’m so stupid”, I say, throwing the phone on the sofa before hiding underneath one of the blankets.

A couple of minutes later, Julián is back and starts to call my name. For a second, I think about pretending to sleep but he would notice the lie.

“I’m here”, I say in a small voice, getting my head out from underneath the blanket so he can see me.

“What are you doing there? Are you feeling alright?”

I nod, not wanting to worry him with my silly thoughts. “Just tired”.

“Well, I’m tired too. How about you move so I can fit next to you and we cuddle?”

“I’d like that”.

My promise to tell him about how I was feeling is gone the second I place my head on his chest. Because I have no reason to feel like this. I should be fine. This will pass soon.

                                    **

"So how was your day?, asks Julián while he sets the table for our dinner. We fell asleep on the sofa the moment we cuddled and didn't get to talk at all.

"Ok, I guess", I shrug.

"What did you do? You always tell me about the whole day. Come on, I want to know".

I'm usually excited to talk about my day. But not right now. "You know. Studied in the morning, face timed with my mum and then went to the sofa to nap".

"Everything ok with your parents?"

"Sure. Why do you ask?"

I can see him trying to find the right words. "I don't know. You seem a bit off. I thought maybe they gave you bad news or something".

"No. I'm just tired. I told you".

"Well, then you sit here", he says, putting his hands on my shoulders and guiding me to the chair. "And I'll finish getting everything ready".

"Thank you", I say, offering him a small smile. His is a lot bigger and after kissing my temple he goes back to the kitchen.

During dinner, he updates me on everything going on at the club and focusing my attention on someone else for a second helps me a lot.

"Feeling better?", he says, hopeful.

"Yes. I think I'll just take a shower before bed to help me relax".

"Go do that. I'll put this in the dishwasher".

I get up to go to the room and stop when I reach Julián to give him a hug.

"I love it when you're clingy like that".

This time the smile is bigger. It's easy to smile when he's around. It's when I'm alone with my thoughts that I struggle.

When I get out of the shower, I try to make a bit of an effort. It's not as if I have to impress Julián right now, but I need to impress myself, sort of.

Whenever I'm having these confidence issues or whatever they are, the first thing I drop is looking after myself. I struggle with simple things such as putting on moisturizer after the shower or picking cute outfits. And it only makes me feel worse in the end because I look worse. It's such a stupid cycle.

Julián is already in bed looking at his phone when I get back to the room. He puts the phone away the moment I get to the bed and puts one of his arms around my shoulders to bring me closer to him.

"You smell so good I could eat you".

I laugh. "You don't like coconut".

"Not the fruit. But I like it when you smell like this", he says, nuzzling his nose on my neck.

"Feel free to use the body butter if you want to smell like me", I joke.

"Wouldn't that make me too irresistible to other women?"

I roll my eyes at his bad joke. "I'll take the risk".

"Actually, I didn't tell you this funny story from today. These three girls asked for a photo when I was in my car and kept complimenting me, my clothes, my car …no subtlety", he laughs but I don't join him. "And then a kid showed up and they had to let him get closer and were so annoyed. They'll probably be there again tomorrow".

I don't say anything because what can I say? I already saw the photos and I thought the girls looked familiar. I guess they spend their days there.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Yes", I say, turning my back to him and pretending to get ready to sleep.

"What was that?"

"I'm sleepy. Good night".

"What did I do for you to react like…wait, are you jealous?"

"What?", I say, turning again to look at him.

"I told you about those girls and you got all weird. You have no reason to be jealous, you know that".

"I'm not jealous of any fangirls, Julián".

And I'm not, but my tone and my face make it sound like a lie. I hate this feeling.

I go back to my previous position and a couple of seconds later I notice Julián wrapping his arms around my waist and bringing me closer to his chest.

"It's you I want. Please know that".

"I know", I whisper. Maybe it's better if he thinks I'm jealous instead of having to dig deeper to explain everything else. "I love you".

"I love you too. Sleep well now. You'll feel better tomorrow after a good night's rest".

If only it were that easy.

                                      **

The next couple of days, Julián seems to be tiptoeing around my feelings and he doesn't bring up any meetings with fangirls. Actually, by checking Instagram, I've noticed one of them mentioned he didn't stop to attend them at all. I don't even know how I feel about that.

By the time he comes back from training, I'm back under the blanket and when he gets to the sofa, he moves it to see my face.

"You were worrying me so I spoke to your mum".

"What?", I say, sitting up.

"Well, you don't talk to me so I had to do something. I can't see my girlfriend hurting and do nothing".

"I just don't know what happens to me", I say, feeling the tears on the back of my eyes.

"It's not going to solve everything but sit here", he says, patting the spot between his legs. "So I can hold you while we try to make sense of it, ok?"

I nod, sitting there and letting him share his strength with me through this hug.

"It's just something that happens sometimes. I don't know if it's anxiety or something else. But I just feel like I'm not enough. Like all my confidence is gone. Like anything I have to do, no matter how small, demands too big of an effort from me".

"Ok. Does it usually take long for that feeling to go away?"

"It depends. It used to be worse when I was younger. Now it's usually a couple of days. Maybe a week and a half or something like that".

"And do you know anything that can make you feel better? Whatever it is, I'll make sure you have it".

"You".

He looks at me confused. "What do you mean?"

"I need you. You don't even notice how much you help me just by being you. It's when you're not around that it gets worse".

"That means a lot to me. But we need to find other ways to help. I wish I could always stay with you but I can't".

"I know", I say, hugging him tighter and placing my head on his chest.

"And you're sure there is no jealousy involved in this? It's ok if there is. I mean, I'm jealous of every man that talks to you".

I chuckle. "No, I'm not jealous. I guess what made me feel worse about those fans was their confidence. How they had no fear of going to talk with you guys and being so direct to you. I wouldn't be able to do something like that. Not in the state I'm in at the moment".

"You don't need to. Because I chose you a while ago. And I keep choosing you every day".

"But you didn't know all these issues were included in the package when you chose me. What if it gets too much for you? I don't want you to feel like you have to baby me".

"I'm not. I'm just looking after you like you look after me. Can you just let me do it? Let me look after you, please".

"Does looking after me include cuddles and watching my favourite movies while we eat ice cream?"

"Of course it does".

"Then count me in".

[meowzfordayz]

play pretend? (i’d rather love you as you are)

Iguro Obanai x Reader

Word Count: ~600

CW: traumatic references

Emergency Request Fulfilled: Can you do obanai with a reader who is usually happy and jelly Nelly and all that and they’ve never talked to obanai about any of their problems and something stressful happens or they get overwhelmed and they get pushed a little too far and they break down. One minute they’re calm and composed and the next they’re a sobbing emotional mess- they express how much they loathe themselves and how much they wanna claw their skin off and just silly stuff like that. I just want yk, obanai being there for them and letting them know it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to not always put up a front.

Training with Obanai usually provides wonderful respite from the arduous, painful cycle of missions, recuperation, and death, but today-

“Again,” he demands, eyes glinting mischievously as he smacks your abdomen with his staff, “Focus.”

Today, he’s being particularly thorough, sparring as though you’re a metal doll rather than a being of flesh and bones.

“If you don’t want another bruise,” he grins, bandages crinkling with the expression, “Then you should at least attempt to dodge or block me.”

You nod shortly, hoping your quietness comes off as deepening your focus — not losing your threadbare calm.

Five seconds later, and he’s sweeping your legs out from under you, unimpressed eyebrow raised as you tumble to the ground.

“Again,” clicking his tongue, “I know I’m good,” smirking teasingly, “But I didn’t think you sucked.”

Ten seconds later, and you’re crumpling once more, palms smarting as you barely catch yourself, his staff resting lightly on your collarbone.

“Again,” still playful, still unaware, “You don’t have to go easy on me.”

He moves to attack, and you simply close your eyes, awaiting his strike.

Finally, he senses the heaviness in your mood, agility allowing him to stepside your body mid thrust, eyes narrowing at your hunched shoulders.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, maintaining a light tone, “You could’ve just told me,” remarking wryly,  “I wouldn’t have beaten you up so badly.”

Obanai you wish you could say I’m sorry.

Instead, a choked cry forces itself from your lungs, your staff tight in your grip as you hug it to your chest, cheeks hot and wet as you turn away from him.

“Where are you hurt?”

He’s beside you immediately, his staff tossed aside, hands frantic and delicate as he checks your head, torso, and limbs, internally berating himself for sparring too enthusiastically. Of course they wouldn’t tell me as he cups your face They’re so strong, silently pleading for you to open your eyes — for you to forgive him.

“I think I hate myself,” you whisper, barely audible as you shudder through erratic sobs, “This skin, these eyes, the audacity I have to walk every day,” eyes opening to fix a blank, exhausted stare on Obanai’s concerned, adoring gaze, “I’m so tired of being okay,” laughing loudly, tears dripping steadily now, “I’m so not okay.”

He takes a moment to compose himself, restraining the urge to vehemently counter all of your despair. I love you he thinks desperately, unsure of how exactly to convey his devotion to you, nor his bewilderment at your confession. How can you hate something so beautiful? He does know, however, that such a truth for him may not yet be understood by you. Firsthand experience taught him that, his own self loathing an endless process of unlearning, gentleness, setbacks, and patience — spurred on and nurtured by you.

“I’m here,” he promises, arms wrapping around you, “Sometimes everything sucks, and I’ll always be here.”

“Why?” you hiccup, “I’m weak. I can’t even handle pretending to be strong.”

“And you don’t have to,” he chuckles, heart aching for you, “You are strong,” whispering softly, “But you don’t have to pretend to be okay.”

“Until I stop pretending, and everyone freaks because I do have to pretend.”

“I’m not freaking.”

You pause, cracking a faint smile, eyes rolling, “You don’t count.”

“I don’t?” he hums, kissing your cheek.

“You love me.”

“I’m not the only one. You are more loved than you could ever know.”

“Aaand how do you know that?” you quip.

“You told me so,” he murmurs, “And I like believing in you.”

[fluffnari]

“As you wish.”

Characters: Ayato | Cyno | Albedo Fluff | Comfort | Established Relationship Summary: They absolutely adore you and just can't say no. Requests are open :)

Early morning animals call out to one another in greeting as the world starts to wake up. Inside the home of the Kamisato siblings staff moved around to make sure everything would be suitable for the day though they didn’t have much to do. Thoma did most of the work himself, saying he didn’t mind - it’s his job anyway.

It was rare to wake up and find Ayato still in bed with you so early in the morning. You had expected to see the side of his bed empty and fixed, so imagine your surprise when instead of that, it’s his handsome face still sound asleep. The sight made you still, eyes raking over his face… He looked younger in his sleep. 

Reaching out, you brush the hair obscuring his face, softly, not wanting to wake him. Yet you couldn’t pull away once touching him, hand trailing down to his jaw to caress small, gentle circles into his soft skin. It was always soft. A low hum leaves Ayato as his eyelashes flutter the top of his cheeks as he slowly wakes. 

The sight of you brought on an immediate smile, tired eyes lighting up. A husky “Good morning, my love.”

His words caused butterflies to erupt inside your stomach. Archons, you love him. 

“I believe today is your day,” he stated, hinting at your birthday. Ayato places a loving kiss on your lips. “You may ask for anything you wish for today. Anything, it’ll be yours.”

You smile, leaning in until your lips brushed his. “Tempting,” You say, getting a low chuckle from him. “But all I want is to have breakfast with my love and two best friends. And have you to myself for tonight.”

“Is that so?”

You hum, letting him steal some kisses, trailing down the side of your neck. He leaned over you, his hair falling around you, creating a curtain and shielding this moment between you and Ayato. 

“If that is what you wish.”

You’re home, Liyue had a certain festival coming up that you love to see every year. You have yet to miss it, mostly because it gives you the chance to visit your friends and Father. This year is no different, you would be going to Liyue to continue the tradition of the Lantern Rite. Except for this time, you wanted to bring someone with you. Someone important. 

General Mahamatra Cyno sat at his desk scribbling away on his current report. He just got back from a mission, making you hesitate on asking him about this. Your constant pacing back and forth distracted him, eyes subtly trailing your form and taking in how anxious you looked. 

Maybe a joke will help?

He cleared his throat to get your attention before speaking. “What do you call someone with no body and no nose?”

A smile threatens to appear at the realization he noticed your nerves. “I dunno, what?”

“Nobody knows.”

Laughter bubbles up in your chest, though not necessarily because it was funny, the moment of him trying to calm you down made warmth bloom inside of you. The sound of your laugh had his lips tugging up in a soft smile, eyes full of adoration as Cyno watched you. A lightness in his heart to see you not looking so stressed anymore.

Oh, but why…?

“What’s the matter?” questioned Cyno, waving you over. 

The heat reached your cheeks as you’re pulled onto his lap, his arms wrapped around you. Being in his arms always brought you comfort, it was like snuggling into your blanket on a cold winter's day. Cyno felt safe.

“It’s just…” You take a deep breath. “The Lantern Rite is going to be starting soon, so I’ll be leaving for it.” Cyno nods his head, eyes not wavering from your own, letting you know that he was listening. “I know you’re busy, but I was hoping, maybe, you can leave with me?”

“With you?”

You nod your head at the hint of confusion in his voice. “The Lantern Rite is important, and this would give you the chance to meet everyone. My dad should be easy enough, he tells a lot of stories though I’m not sure he would understand your jokes. And my brother, well, he might be a little hard on you.”

Cyno looks to be thinking over it, his fingers tapping on your thigh. He didn’t have you waiting long before he glanced back at you, an unreadable look on his face. “This is important to you?”

“Yes.”

He nods. “Then I will go.”

It’s been about 2 weeks, you were certain, since either of you left Dragon Spine. Klee visited twice but had to leave for her safety due to Albedo’s current research. You miss her. You miss the warmth of Mondstadt and being able to talk to the people there - after a while, there was just a certain need to talk to someone other than yourself. There’s Albedo, but sometimes you might as well be talking to yourself still when he’s so focused. 

A little sigh slipped past your lips as you place your pen down, stretching your fingers out for how long you’ve been scribbling down your thoughts. Restless, might be a better word to describe how you were feeling. 

“Is there something bothering you?” asked Albedo, yet he hasn’t looked away from what he was doing

Should you tell him? You weren’t sure if he would find it bothersome or just flat-out send you away. While that might sound like an idea, you couldn’t exactly leave him on his own out here, Albedo tends to forget to care for himself when he’s so into his work. 

Your prolong silence forces Albedo to tear away from said work and glance at you. It was clear on your face that you were debating something. Most likely if you can or should tell him what was on your mind. The thought of you not being able to trust him enough to talk to him made an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Albedo setting down his beakers made you return your gaze towards him, his attention now fully on you that caused a small heat in your cheeks. That was his way of telling you he was there and willing to listen. Well, you might as well tell him. 

So you do. You want to go back to Mondstadt for a few days then you both can return. It was time to check up on everyone back home and spend some time with Klee who no doubt missed Albedo the most. You were sure he might say yes if you added that last part, but it was kinda hard to read him That was until his lips tugged up into a small, soft smile. 

“As you wish.”

[theprettynosferatu]

CW: Induction, sluttification, objectification, doll, toy. Female domme worship. No comedown period.

So, how are you? Oh, I’m only asking because you look a bit… you know. Tired. Stressed out. Anxious, even. I worry about you sometimes. I mean, how many times have you been like this? All caught up in your own head, like you’re inside a dark cloud… it’s not healthy for you, you know? It’s okay. We all get tired sometimes. But you have to know when to rest, otherwise… you burn yourself out. So why don’t you rest for a bit? For me? 

Come on, pay attention. Look at me. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. You can worry later. Right now, I want you to just focus on me. Look at me. Every inch of me. Look at my eyes. My lips. My neck. Study every curve in my body. See how the light reflects on my skin. Isn’t that nicer than just thinking about your silly problems? And they are silly. No, keep looking at me. Really focus. Whatever is happening with you… doesn’t it feel so, so small compared to me? So just relax and keep focusing on me. You can feel it, don’t you? How every moment that passes I take up more and more of your mind… how every moment your troubles get smaller and smaller… and you get smaller and smaller… and I just shine brighter inside your silly little head… So just let it happen. Keep looking at me. Become smaller and smaller… let me fill up all that empty space…

Smaller and smaller… Your thoughts are like little bubbles, nothing more. So insignificant and weightless… Don’t you love that so much? Just floating along, just a bubble. You don’t need to worry. Don’t need to think about anything other than me. And isn’t that what you want? Isn’t it so much better to float along, to simply let me take over? You can’t even remember what you were so worried about, can you? No, of course not, silly. All that you can think of is me. You are so small, a small bubble… and I’m so beautiful… how could you think of anything other than pleasing me? That’d be so dumb! You are so dumb, so dumb and empty for me…

Every part of you is just a little bubble floating around my perfect body. So small, so fragile… And you know all you think, all you are exists because I allow it. It would be so easy to send you deeper and deeper, just erasing your mind one little bubble at a time, making you so empty and obedient and fuzzy and mindless… Until nothing remains but me, the need to please me, the need to obey me, the pleasure pure obedience will bring you…

Should I do it? Turn you into my little mindless toy? Do you want me to send you deeper and deeper? Ah, wrong question. You don’t know what you want anymore, do you? After all, how can you separate what you want and what I want you to want? Can you even tell where you end and my will begins? Do you even care anymore? No, you’re too far gone… You are just a doll for me to play with, to dress up as I desire, to fill with whatever I want. Empty. No more than an object for me to entertain myself… Look at all these little bubbles… so fragile, the remains of your mind. Let me just… pop! you deeper and deeper… Pop! Deeper and deeper! So empty now… so malleable… pop! you deeper and deeper… every pop makes you so obedient…

And you want to be so good for me, so obedient… Obedience feels so good, doesn’t it? It just feels so amazing and fuzzy to go down that spiral, doesn’t it my little toy? The more you obey the hornier you get… and the hornier you get the more you want to obey… such a beautiful spiral and you are falling deeper and deeper for me… such a good toy! Say it for me. “The more toy obeys the hornier it gets. The hornier toy gets the more it obeys”. Go on, say it again… and again… and again… Let yourself drift down and pop for me… Obedience is pleasure, and you exist to obey and please. Nothing more. Just my silly, empty, perfectly obedient fucktoy…

So little remains of you, my precious fuckdoll… you’re so willing, so empty, so eager to please me… Nothing more than an object. No more thoughts. No more hardship. No more anxiety. Just complete, perfect obedience. You are what I say you are. You feel what I say you feel. You just pop! yourself away for me, getting hornier and hornier, a slave to your body… a body that feels for me, that exists for me, that makes you obedient with wave after wave of pleasure. Your body controls you and I control your body. You are nothing. Just my living fucktoy. Just in a state of blissful, horny obedience… and loving every second of it. Isn’t this better than being a person? You don’t want that. You want this fuzzy, aroused, mindless need to serve me… your entire body knows it… it feels so good to let go and just be a good girl… Oh, don’t try to fight it, you silly pet. It’s so delicious to watch your last little droplets of willpower trying so hard to be a person… but you don’t want that, don’t you? No, you want to be a good girl!

And you are a good girl, aren’t you? So good and needy for me… Willing to do anything, to be anything I desire… so empty for me to fill with whatever I want! You will enjoy whatever I say you enjoy. You wear what I tell you to wear. You believe what I tell you to believe. You do what I tell you to do. You don’t need to think ever again, only go deeper and deeper and pop that silly brain, floating in the pleasure of being nothing but an obedient fuckdoll… a blank, horny good girl…

This is my gift to you. Bliss. Emptiness. Obedience. Pleasure. You don’t need to make a single choice again. You don’t need to pretend to be a person anymore. You’re just my good girl, my doll to do as I please. Aren’t I generous? 

Now, your only thought will be: what will you do to thank me? 

Did you enjoy this text? You can support my work at patreon.com/prettynosferatu

[geraskierficrecs]

I’m going to be honest for a moment:

One of the worst things about being a writer on a fandom platform is when someone takes the time to write out a critical comment about how they were unsatisfied or disliked the story. It takes advantage of one of the biggest sources of stress for a creator. That niggling little voice in your head that says, ‘what if it’s not good enough?’ ‘What if readers don’t like it?’

You spend hours typing out chapters and planning out stories between life and school and work just to open your email to someone pointing out your faults or ripping apart the story entirely. It’s heartbreaking. It’s lingers in the back of your mind each time you open a new doc or start writing.

In the last month, I’ve gotten some really critical comments left on stories that I really enjoyed writing and hoped you all would like reading. The commenter wrote as though there isn’t someone on the other side of the screen trying their best. For me, writing for this fandom was a way to heal from a lot of awful experiences writing in academia and I cherished all the support and new friends I found.

I guess what I’m trying to advocate for is the choice to simply step away from a fic that doesn’t satisfy you instead of tearing into the story. You might be able to forget that brief interaction but I promise that it’s not so easy for the writer who wrote it. I, for one, have found myself struggling to keep writing lately without questioning if it will even be liked.

I’m just tired. I don’t know if I should keep writing when I have to dread the next new critic who finds one of my stories.

For those of you who have always been supportive, thank you. You don’t know how often I push past writers blocks or exhaustion thinking about how you’d like to know what will happen next. I cherish each and every one of you.

[issdisgrace]

CLINGY

WARNINGS: Fluff, Jamie is clingy

Jamie has been very needy for the last couple of days. When I tried to inquire about his neediness, he changed the subject. Deciding that he’ll tell me what’s wrong when he wants to. I drop it, letting him cling to me as I do stuff around the ranch. He stays out of the way for the most part only occasionally getting in the way. As the third day of him clinging to me drawn on, I could see Jamie getting more and more tired by the minute. We rode together as I checked for any breaks in the section of fence that Rip had asked me to check. It took an hour to check the whole section and as we rode back to the ranch. I realized that Jamie had fallen asleep in my arms. I smiled and kissed the crown of his head, making sure to take it easy. I’m really glad I insisted he rode in front of me instead of behind me. When we made it back to the ranch, John and Rip were standing on the porch talking about something. I ride up to the porch.

“Can one of you put away Alastair for me?”

“Sure.” Rip says.

I carefully dismount from Alastair, making sure Jamie doesn’t fall off. I then gently pull Jamie off of him and lift him to carry him bridal style. Rip comes off the porch and takes Alastair to the barn, John silently watching the scene with a smile. Walking up the porch steps. John says,

“He falls asleep on you, too?”

“Yeah.”

“He used to do that when he was a kid. He’d fall asleep on me or his mom all the time, but he stopped when he was 7 when we finally got him his own horse to ride.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah it was.”

“What was Jamie like as a kid?” I asked, looking down at his sleeping form in my arms.

“He was quiet, very curious, and clingy.”

“Well, I guess the clingy part never went away, because that’s all he’s been for the last couple of days.”

“He’s probably stressed out. He always got clingy when too much was going on or when big things came up. So please take care of my son,” John says brushing strands of Jamie’s hair that had fallen out of his eyes as he smiled softly down at him. 

“I will always take care of him. You have my word.”

“Thank you, Y/n.”

“It’s no problem John, I love him with my whole being. But right now I should probably get him inside now.”

“You probably should. Here, I’ll open the door for you.”

John holds the door of the house open and I step in. I slowly make my way upstairs with Jamie to our bedroom. Still being passed out cold and not wanting to wake him up. I take off his clothes myself before tucking him and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“Sleeptight Jamie. I love you.” I say as I turn our bedroom light off before leaving him to rest as I finish up my work for the day. 

It took 3 hours to finish what I needed to get down and by now it was 5:00pm. I was in the living room with everyone else watching Jurassic Park as it was Tate’s night to pick what we watched before dinner. As we watched it, I heard a very tired Jamie call out for me. Getting up, I go to find Jamie, finding him at the bottom of the stairs. Still in just his boxers and a tee shirt trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Y/n.” He mumbles out as he sees me. 

“You sleep well Jamie.” I ask, knowing the answer. 

“Mmm, still tired.” He says, stumbling towards me practically falling face first into my chest. Catching him, I chuckle at just how cute he is when he’s tired. 

“Alright, big boy. How about we get you back upstairs so you can sleep some more? Dinner won’t be for an hour. “

“No.” He says, shaking his head.

“Alright then. You think you’re awake enough to walk to the living room or do want me to carry you?”

“Carry me.” 

“Alright.” I say, picking him up, his legs quickly wrapping around my waist and his arms wrapping around my neck. I carry him back to the living room, his head resting in the crease of my neck. No one says anything as I enter and sit down with Jamie wrapped around me. Well everyone except for Tate.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Jamie?”

“Uncle Jamie is just really tired right now.” I responded back to the worried boy. 

“Oh, ok,” He says happy with the answer before turning back to the tv. I rub Jamie’s back as I turn my attention to the tv. 

“This is going to make good blackmail.” I hear Beth say as a camera click is heard.

“You are not going to blackmail your brother. He’s tired and stressed.” John reprimands Beth. I pay no mind to it and just continue my watching of Jurassic Park.

[voidwhump]

Here Be Demons #1

Ok, so apparently at some point I wrote like 5k words of exorcism based whump and just. Never posted most of it. I’m going through and editing/rewriting to try and warm myself back up to writing regularly. Also lemme know if the formatting is fucked up I’m posting on mobile :)

Contains: implied religion, demonic possession, exorcisms, ~1k words

The blood was evaporating from the walls.

That was a good sign. Ariel finished packing his equipment into his canvas bag and stood, watching as the last of the bloody writing lifted from the rough wood planks. It left faint pink stains that luckily weren’t readable. His patient was slumped limp in the chair Ariel had bound him to, head lolled forward onto his chest. Ariel cautiously walked over, checking over the runes on the manacles for any deformities or changes to the script that would nullify the binding. None stood out. After another second of consideration he unlocked the cuffs, the risk of needing to rebind outweighed by the hope that waking up unrestrained would be less stressful to his client than the other way around.

As the manacles clunked against the hard wood chair the man groaned, eyelids fluttering. Ariel backed away a few steps, one hand on his pendant as the man raised his head.

“Hey, it’s Simon, right? How’re you feeling?”

The man looked up, eyes searching the empty barn before settling on Ariel. He had developed dark circles that could be mistaken for bruising, and his lips were dry enough to crack and bleed when he opened his mouth to respond.

“Yeah, better,” Simon’s voice sounded as dry as his lips looked.

Ariel offered him his water. The man gulped it down, wiping his mouth off as he handed the emptied skin back to Ariel.

“Thanks. Did anything happen? Is anyone hurt?”

Ariel shook his head at the common question. “No one got hurt. You’re lucky you have a wife that listens to her children, they’ll almost always notice before anyone else,”

Simon smiled and let Ariel help him to his feet. He was trembling, and leaned on him as they began to walk back to the house. Ariel would tell him to take it easy for a day or two if he could.

“Let’s go let everyone know you’re alright, and then I’ll give you some temporary wards so nothing can hit you when you’re down.”

They entered the house where Simon’s family was waiting. As the door closed behind them, Simon’s wife, Jess, peeked around the kitchen door frame. At her husband’s tired wave, she flew down the hall, coming close to knocking him off his feet with a hug. She took his face in her hands and inspected him, looking over to Ariel.

“No demons?”

“No demons,”

Jess kissed her husband and led him to their living room, Ariel following behind. Simon’s daughters were on the couch, waiting expectantly. They were soon clinging to his legs, causing Simon’s feet to drag as he stumbled to the couch to collapse. The children immediately took advantage of his prone position, climbing on top of him. A rapid series of questions followed:

“What do demons look like?”

“Was it scary?”

Ariel sat down with Jess and filled her in. Simon wouldn’t remember much, he should relax for a day or so, and they should be extra vigilant for a month or so. He handed the family some wooden charms that when activated would serve as a light repellent of the supernatural for around a week. He also mentioned that if anything ‘unlucky’ that happened regularly stopped happening while they had the charms, it might be due to an outside force and they should feel free to have him back for a more general cleanse.

Ariel waved goodbye to the family and walked home, taking his time to wander through the trees. He noted the life around him, juvenile birds perching nearby, how the leaves had matured from spring to now, early summer. It would be their off season soon. He made it home just as the sun was setting. He was greeted by Layli, who appeared from behind a tree as Ariel approached the outskirts of the town.

“Success I’d assume?” Layli smiled and looked at Ariel expectantly.

“It went well. He’s got an adorable family. I’m glad they caught it so early.” Ariel accepted Layli’s half hug and they walked together to Ariel’s house.

The town was beautiful in the sunset, the last rays of light streaming through the tree branches casting a warm orange glow on the houses tucked around trunks. It wasn’t good luck to clear large area around here.

Ariel invited Layli to sit down and have some tea and they accepted. He set up the kettle and got out the honey and tea leaves. The two went back and forth for a while, planning a day for a picnic or maybe just a walk sometime soon. The kettle boiled and Layli got down some mugs while Ariel poured the water through the tea leaves into the teapot. They waited for the tea to steep and lounged around. The conversation remained light. It was good for both of them to keep it that way, what with their line of work. The tea was finished and Layli had things to get done so they left, Ariel sitting down to finish his record of the exorcism.

The possession had been caught early, and he’d forced it into the second, more exposed stage so he could start the exorcism with minimal damage. He admitted that he’d rushed a bit and the demon remained unidentified but definitely minor. The client had to be restrained but the demon either didn’t know how to or couldn’t modify the restraints or holy symbol. No backup had been required. The family had been provided with charms and instructions.

Ariel left his notebook open on the desk, waiting for the ink to dry. He sat back in his chair. It had been a while since he’d had an actual break, sure, there had been gaps between jobs, but he was always on call and it was tiring. Maybe he’d take a real break. Go visit his parents or something. It had been a while. He closed the notebook and stretched. Time for bed. Ariel got up and changed into a more comfortable shirt, lying down on his bed, gazing out the window at the rising moon. He closed his eyes and let himself relax, imagining the tension of the exorcism dripping off him and soaking into the floor and dissipating into the dirt underneath it. He quickly drifted off.

[readingadream]

Chapter 4

3 | 4 | 5

1,773

Master

San POV

Since the day Wooyoung had joined us, things have felt more lively. We all seemed more relaxed now, which was nice. Hongjoong, though, definitely upset me when he basically forced Wooyoung to do something that he clearly wasn’t very comfortable with. I was surprised when Wooyoung finally agreed, but the other day when I offered to join, it seemed like he truly wanted that. So today, Yeosang, Mingi, Wooyoung, and I all went to take some more photos near an open field.

The goal was to show just how powerful he and I could be. Yeosang had done our makeup as well as picked out similar outfits to match. Wooyoung was wearing a nice gray blazer with no shirt underneath, nice black dress pants and a very simple makeup look, light pink eyeshadow, and a slightly dark lip tint. I had worn a loose-fitting black sweater, black jeans, basically a no makeup look, and a nice silver necklace.

Simple but effective outfits, honestly. Mingi gave us a whistle when we both walked over to him. Wooyoung was blushing and, of course, was trying to hide his face with the sleeves of the blazer. Cutie. There was no reason for Woo to be this nervous, honestly. I wished silently that he would feel confident in himself.

“Wooyoung is showing off today, I’m not sure I’ll be able to focus when he looks this hot.” Teasing Wooyoung was easy, plus seeing his ears turn red just made me laugh before wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “Awe, there is no need to be so shy. Woo, you look amazing.” Mingi was, of course, going to be the one to tease Wooyoung, knowing how nervous and stressed he’d been all day.

This boy was so fidgety when nervous, grabbing the camera I handed it over to Mingi. “Come on, the sun will start setting, and I think the golden hour is perfect timing to take these to display how good looking Woo and I are. Giving him a wink before having him stand next to me.

An hour went by way too fast, Mingi had taken dozens of photos and decided to do more as the sun set. Wooyoung relaxed quickly as Mingi and even Yeosang gave us intrusions on how we should pose, where to look, where our hands should be, and basically everything else. Believe it or not, these two together might be more bossy than Hongjoong and Seonghwa together. That thought alone is beyond terrifying.

“Sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get home, Woo. You did so well today. I'm proud of you.”I give Wooyoung a small reassuring smile. Once we were finally done and back in Mingi’s car, I noticed Wooyoung was dozing off. Reaching up, I helped guide him to rest his head on my shoulder.

Mingi glanced in the review mirror, raising his eyebrow at me when our eyes met. I gave him the finger before closing my eyes and letting myself rest. I didn’t expect today to be as long and tiring as it was, but one thing was for sure this was the most fun I think any of us had in a while. There were things Wooyoung didn’t know about yet, which made me feel guilty about it. Such as us knowing who Changbin was already, how we knew who’d hurt him that one night.

Wooyoung had no clue that Changbin was working with another group like us but ended up our enemy. I hated the thought of what the man's reaction might be once he finally found the truth, but yet a part of me wished we’d just tell him already so in the future maybe Wooyoung wouldn’t be as upset with us.

When we got back home, it was Mingi. He gently woke me up. He pointed to the sleeping beauty, who was still sound asleep with his head resting on my shoulder. I knew I couldn’t get myself to wake him up just yet, so I focused on the way his lips parted, how his cheeks puffed out just a little bit, and even the small nose scrunch when he adjusted his head ever so slightly. Wooyoung was truly stunning. He even made it hard to look away even.

After a few minutes, I finally decided to wake up Wooyoung, running my fingers through his hair before leaning down close to his ear. “Wooyoungie~ wakey wakey come on cute petal.” I could hear him grumble, saying something that I honestly couldn’t understand. “I will make us some ramen, hm? Come on, sleepy head.”

“Better add a few eggs, too.” He finally spoke to me. god, his sleepy voice was so damn adorable. Nodding my head, I moved slightly when he’d sat up, watching as he winced when moving his head to the side, trying to relax his stiff neck.

”I will add them, don't worry. Go take a hot shower, though. That should help you loosen up and get washed up from all the makeup and hair products.” Sliding out of the car first, I held my hand out for him to grab. The others had already gone inside. Wooyoung got out, looking at how we were holding hands just so easily his cheeks were rosy red now. Walking inside together, I watched him go to the bathroom as I made my way to the kitchen.

“I think you two will be fine working together, Woo seemed a lot more relaxed this time. Plus don’t think we haven’t noticed the way you were looking at him. All goo goo eyes with giant hearts. Little Mountain has a crush.” Of course, Mingi was going to give me shit for showing interest in Wooyoung.

Flipping him off with a small annoyed huff as I grabbed the ramen from the top cabinet. Sure, Mingi was right about the crush, but there was no way in hell that I’d even try anything until we’d had time to get closer, and he knew more of the truth. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t mention it to him, okay? I don’t even want to try and date anyone until Wooyoung learns about our involvement in how Changbin got hurt. Hell, I think we are all just as shocked that Hongjoong hadn’t told him on the first night.”

Focusing on cooking, I watch as Mingi walks to the counter, leaning against it. “I think Hongjoong is planning something that specifically is tied to Wooyoung. A part of me wonders if he plans to use Wooyoung against Changbin. I know it sounds fucked, but honestly it would be one way to make Stray Kids fall weak. I think Wooyoung knows most of them even though he has no clue what they truly do ya know… So seeing him with us might shock them. I know Wooyoung and Changbin recently fought because Woo half told him about what he was doing now and that he’d quit his job.”

Mingi opened a bottle of water before looking at me before he spoke again. “Wooyoung came to me to talk afterwards. He’d cried for a while because he sees Changbin as a brother more than his best friend. I don’t want to think about his reaction once he learns the truth. Part of me wants to hide it forever. Though I know he’d take it better then maybe Yunho and Yeosang, those two have such gentle hearts.”

Both of us stayed quiet until Wooyoung walked over looking at the food, smiling before he went to the fridge to pull out a cola. “Feel’s nice to not cook for once since I’ve joined the group.” Of course he was only teasing, his dimples showing as the male smiled at me. My heart started to beat fast, damn I wasn’t prepared for his cute smile. “I’ll grab the bowls for us since it looks like everything is almost done.”

After the 3 of us ate Mingi said he was going to go out for a bit, the others were all gone as well doing their daily things or just enjoying the day off basically. Wooyoung and I had decided to go up to my room to watch Lucifer even though it was a foreign show we both had picked since it was being recommended through Netflix. We brought up snacks, drinks, and Wooyoung brought his own pillow to lay on.

After a handful of episodes we were both wide awake, I'd notice how Wooyoung would get all shy or blush when sexual things had appeared which was difficult to not laugh at honestly.

“I'm telling you, San he’s a damn douche! He betrayed her and had the biggest damn lie! Ugh. Honestly though Lucifer is so much better for Chloe, Though Maze, now I lowkey wish there was more on her. Then again we are like… 9 episodes into this so probably more will happen. Though I'm just saying if she doesn't learn the truth about detective douche I'll be mad as fuck.” Wooyoung went on a small rant of the show, though I silently agreed with him that Lucifer and Chloe were cute together. Letting out a yawn I glanced over to my watch, it was already 2am now. I'm surprised no one bothered us but noticing Wooyoung starting to yawn I decided to call it a night.

“We can watch more tomorrow, it's time to sleep though. I forgot we needed to be awake by 7am tomorrow since Hongjoong wants us to work on our cardio. Damn man wants us to suffer.” I sat up and stretched out my arms, grabbing our trash before getting up and tossing it in the bin. I noticed the small pout the other had as he got up, he stretched out before walking over to the door.

“Remind me why I agreed to this?” he asked, clearly not amused with the plans that were made for us in the morning.

“Because Hwa scared you and you said you needed change. Things will be fine though, we can work out for a bit then go get chicken hm? A reward for you working hard.” I tried to make him feel a little better plus something more to look forward to.

Wooyoung took a moment before nodding in agreement. “Only if you are paying Sannie.”

Rolling my eyes at him as I opened my door I just nod, “Yeah, yeah, I'll spoil our pretty Wooyoungie I promise.” holding my pinkie out to lock with his. Once they were locked together and we sealed the deal I noticed how big his smile was now.

“Goodnight Sannie.”

“Sleep well petal.”

[andydrysdalerogers]

Sliding Into Home ~ D N A: Diane Nicole Adler

Pairing: MLB!Frank Adler x Abigail Hernandez (OFC)

Synopsis:

After a trade from Boston to Los Angeles, first baseman Frank Adler would seem to have it all. Money, women, an amazing niece, yes Frank should have it all. Except for one thing. One thing that left after a mistake five years ago. Los Angeles should be the chance to start over. Except she is supposed to be in Boston. Not his new medical director.

* A Frank Adler AU x Major League Baseball Story**

Warning: ANGST (i can't stress this enough), second chances, cheating, S~M~U~T!!, slow burn, drug use, abandonment issues, betrayal, domestic violence (i may have missed some), flashbacks

Dividers by me

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Previous: WTF Just Happened!

Sliding Into Home Master List Main Masterlist

Frank paces in the hallway as the doctors do a check up on Abby.  

Diane.  

The name has haunted him since the last time he saw her. Eight years.  It had been eight years since he had seen his little sister. This is not how he wanted this to go.  

“Mr. Adler?” 

Frank whipped around and looked at Cricket’s doctor.  “Is she ok?” 

“She’s doing well.  Her injuries are healing but we would like to keep her for a few more days to make sure there is no additional swelling to the brain and that there is no internal bleeding from the blows to the torso.  Her scans are clear, so this is just a precaution.”  

“Of course.” Frank swallowed.  “She wants to bring our niece in. Would that be ok?” 

“As long as she takes it easy, I see no problem.  But she needs to rest Mr. Adler.”  

“She will.  I’ll make sure after she speaks to the detectives. Thank you.” Frank offered a weak smile.  

“Have faith, Mr. Adler. She is past the worst.” The doctor patted his shoulder and walked away.  Frank took a breath before entering Abby’s room.  

She was sitting up better now and smiled when she saw Frank.  “Hi baby.”  

“Hi Cricket.”  He leaned and kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling?” 

“Sore and tired. Confused,” she frowned. “I don’t remember getting here.”  

“One of the neighbors heard you screaming and called it in. I didn’t find out until the morning because they couldn’t get a hold of management.” Frank smoothed her hair. “I should have gone with you. I knew something might happened. I should have protected you.” His face broke a little. Abby reached up to cup his face.  

“This is not your fault, Frankie. Please don’t blame yourself.”  Abby sighed and massaged her temple.  

“Are you hurting?” 

“A little,” she admitted.  

“C’mon, lay back.”  He helped her back to lay down. He took a seat next to her, took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Cricket, I’m so sorry.”  

“This is not your fault Frankie.  Please don’t apologize.” Abby sighed. “I know you are waiting to talk so I don’t have to repeat myself but what are you thinking?” 

“Diane. Mike. I’m just... confused, angry, scared. I’m worried about you, Mary, our family, just everything Cricket.” Frank laid his head on her lap, and she ran her fingers through his hair. “What if I lost you? “ 

“You didn’t baby.  I’m right here.” Abby kept his that way for a few moments before the door opened and a knock came through. “Dr. Hernandez?”  

“Yes?” 

“Hello, I’m Detective Stabler and my partner Detective Benson. We have taken over your case and have some questions for you.  May we?” 

“Of course.  This is my husband, Frank Adler”. Frank shook the detectives hands before sitting down again and taking Abby’s hand.  

“It's nice to meet you. I wish it was under better circumstances,” Detective Stabler said.  “Dr. Hernandez...”  

“Abby, please.  Call me Abby.”  

“Of course, Abby. Can you tell me what happened when you went home?”  

“Well, I went from the stadium to my home that I was sharing with my ex, Michael Weiss. Umm,” she looked at Frank. He nodded and she took a breath. “I was leaving him because Frank and I had reunited and had gotten married a couple of weeks ago. I thought he was still back east so I felt safe to collect my things so I could take them to Frank’s.”  

“He was in the home?” 

“Yeah, I don’t know how.  We own a ring camera, and it should have gone off when someone approached the door.  But my phone never alerted me. I went in and was looking at the mail when he surprised me.” Frank’s grip tightened on Abby’s hand.  

“Hello Beautiful.”  

Abby jumped at his voice.  “Mike! You’re back early.”  

“I am. Funny how you weren’t home.” 

“Yeah, I was at the stadium getting paperwork done from the road trip.  How was work?”  Abby tried to remain calm.  

“Informative.  Care to explain these?” He threw down photos in front of her.  

Abby picked them up and saw photos from Vegas, from the benefit and from LAX.  “Mike,” she whispered.   

“You’re mine, Abigal, he growled. MINE!”  He backed her up into a corner, crowding her.  “And if I can’t have you, then no one will.” 

“When he said that, I picked up the metal baseball bat we keep by the front door.  I told him to stay away from me.  I think he remembered all the batting lessons Frank had taught us over the years and stepped back.”  

“Did he say anything else?” 

“Only that I was going to regret this, and it wasn’t over. But he left, through the garage door and I leaned against the wall.  I was about to call Frank when I was hit from behind. I fell but turned over.” Her voice shook. “I saw who hit me and before I could say anything else, she kicked me in the ribs. I couldn’t breathe and I just tried to protect myself as best I could.”  

A tear ran down her cheek, but Abby didn’t stop.  “She kept yelling at me that it was my fault that she lost her family, that I ruined everything. That Frank would never forgive her, so it was better that I just be removed so he knew the same pain as she did.”  Abby swallowed.  “She said it would have been better if Mike had stayed with them instead of being obsessed with me just like her brother. That’s why she gave away Mary. To hurt Mike but it didn’t.”  

“Diane,” Frank breathed, “she did this?” 

Abby nodded.  “She said that she didn’t want Mary, but she didn’t want us to have her either.” Abby leaned into Frank.  He climbed into the bed as gently as he could to hold her.  

“Is this Diane, your sister Mr. Adler?” Detective Benson asked.  

“Frank and yes. She abandoned Mary with us eight years ago and we are her legal guardians. When Abby and I separated, I didn’t change the paperwork. I couldn’t.” He kissed Abby’s head as she continued to cry softly. “Diane was or is a drug addict. She wasn’t given visitation rights because of it. But this information about Mike staying with her is new. I never knew that they were in a relationship or had one, I guess.”  

“Do you think he knows?” Stabler asked.  

“I don’t know but I would assume yes,” Abby sniffled. “Mike is a manipulative man. He had, umm... fuck I’m sorry Frankie. He had hit me a couple of times before, grabbed me and left marks.” Abby buried her head into Frank’s chest.  

“Abby, I’m sorry but is there anything else you can tell us? What Diane look like or what was she wearing?”  

“Her hair is still blonde, longer, like to her shoulders.  She is still really skinny, but she was wearing a blue hoodie and jeans.  The doctors think she was wearing steel toe shoes because of my injuries.”  

“We have a copy of your medical records,” Benson said. “I’m really sorry that this is happening.  We are looking for Mr. Weiss and Miss Adler. We’ll be in touch.”  The detectives left and Frank and Abby stayed in each other’s arms for a while.  

“Cricket, why didn’t you tell me?” 

Abby sighed. “Tell me what you would have done if I had told you?” 

“I would have killed him,” he told her with a straight face.  

“That’s why. Baby, you have a future hall of fame career and a child to care for.”   

“I could really care less about my career, but I’ll give you the Mary thing.” Frank held her a little tighter. “God, Cricket, I don’t understand why Diane did this and how she got into the house. And why Mike was ok with all of this?”  

“I’ve been thinking the same questions, Frank.” Abby shook her head. “None of it makes sense.  Except the obsession thing.  I see that now. After what you told me what happened in Las Vegas, I’m almost certain Mike was the one who slipped you the mickey.”  

“The mickey? Really Abigail with the street terms.” Frank gave her a look before he smiled.  “I’m so proud.”  

“Shut it.”  She sighed and leaned back into him. “What do we do?”  

“We’ll talk to management and see what they recommend. I’ll ask Todd, Andy and Steve to meet us here since you won’t be released in time for that meeting.  We’ll have to announce the marriage Cricket.”  

Abby wrinkles her nose. “Are the groupies going to cry? Sexy baseball player Frank Adler off the market.” She made a dramatic sigh as Frank rolled his eyes.  

“Yes, just like all the single guys on the team will be drooling over my wife now. Hoo-ray.” The sarcasm dripped from Frank. Abby smiled softly. “Seriously Cricket, I couldn’t give a fuck about the jersey chasers. I got the woman of my dreams.”  

“Oh Frankie, that’s so sweet.” Abby leaned up and kissed his cheek.  “Now, when do I get to see my girl?” 

“Scott is bringing her by in an hour. Doctor said you could shower as long as someone is in the room.” Frank smirked. “I could help you.”  

“Frankie, if I thought my ribs could take it, I would take you up on that offer.”  

Frank laughed.  “I know baby. C’mon, an easy shower it is.”  

An hour later, a knock on the door. Abby grasped Frank hand tightly. “It’ll be ok Cricket.” She nodded before Frank called out. “Come in.” 

Scott opened the door slowly and walked in with Mary in Johnny’s arms. “Hi Mary,” Abby said softly.  Mary took a long look at Abby before burying her head in Johnny’s shoulder and began sobbing. Frank stood up and took his little girl in his arms. “It’s ok Nugget.  She’s gonna be ok.”  

Mary’s tear stained face looked back at Abby. “Who hurt you?”  

“Let’s not talk about that right now Nugget.” Abby’s eyes were holding back the tears. Mary wiggled out of Frank’s arms and climbed into bed with Abby.  She laid on her shoulder and wrapped her little arm around Abby. Abby bent her head and kissed Mary’s head. “I’m gonna be ok, Nugget.” 

“You promise?” Mary’s small voice breaks everyone’s hearts. 

“I promise. I just need to rest for a couple of weeks, and we’ll get right back at it, ok?” Mary snuggled further into her as Abby turned back to the guys.  “Hi.”  

“Hey Doc,” Johnny says with a smile. “Quite a scare you gave us. This one,” thumbing at Frank, “was a hot mess.” 

“I was not,” Frank grumbled. “I was worried about my wife.”  

“Yeah, let’s come back to that,” Johnny says with a twinkle in his eye. “When did that happen?” 

“A couple of weeks ago at a hotel,” Mary offers, before anyone can say anything. “I was Abby’s maid of honor. She was so pretty that day.”  

Frank dropped his head as Scott snickered and Abby blushed. “Really? And you didn’t think to invite me?” Johnny feigned his indignation. “I’m supposed to be your best friend, Adler.”  

“I’m his best friend, Storm,” Scott said with a shove. “You’re my backup.” Johnny snorted.  

“Guys, knock it off,” Frank said. “You’re both my best friends, ok? And Johnny, you were playing that day. It really was a day between when I asked Abby and when we did it.  Frankly,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m surprised no one had spilled before now.”  

“Why are you keeping it a secret?” Scott asked. “I thought you of all people, would be shouting it from the rooftops. I mean, the way you were moping over the good doctor and how you never had...” 

“We really don’t have to talk about that,” Frank interrupts, looking at his wife with a sheepish grin. “Look, Cricket, I concentrated on raising Nugget and baseball, ok. I was not...” 

“Pining like a fool after a girl,” Johnny offered.  

Abby giggled a little, then groaned. “Ouch,” she moaned, holding her ribs.  

“Baby, take it easy.” Frank went back to his seat next to her. “I can call security and kick them out if you want.” He kissed her hand.  

“This is our family, Frankie, and it makes me happy they are here.” She cupped his cheek. “I’m ok.” A knock at the door. “Come in,” she called out.  

In came Todd Phelps, Frank’s agent Steve and his lawyer Andy.  “Oh, hi guys,” Frank stood up to shake their hands.  

“Dr. Hernandez, it's nice to see you again.”  Andy offers his hand to Abby. “I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances.”  

“Andy, it's nice to see you again.  Steve, Todd, what’s going on?” 

Todd cleared his throat. “Well, ownership asked me to come check on you after the police had called the organization for your emergency contact.  And, well, with the conversation we had before you left that day, I wanted to get a head of any story that may come out.”  

“Frank called me for the same reason,” Steve offered.  “Wanna tell us what’s the situation?” 

“Mary, why don’t we find a drink and snack while they talk,” Scott offered.  Mary carefully climbed off the bed, hugged Steve and Andy before looking up at Todd.  “Is Frank in trouble?” 

“No, darlin’, not at all.”  

“Ok, good, because he promised me that he would make it to the All Star game so I could visit my friends in Boston,” she replied, a matter of factly. “Plus, I want to see Abuelo and Abuela. Hey Scott, can we look online to see if we can get them something?” 

Frank looked dizzy at all the words coming from Mary’s mouth as she and Scott walked out of the room.  He looked back at his wife, who shrugged, before returning his attention to the rest of the group. “Is it ok if Johnny stays?” 

“Up to you,” Andy replies.  “First things first, Abby, I have filed a restraining order of your behalf against Mike.  The police report should be more than enough but as soon as you can, I need your medical report as well.”  

“And what about Diane?” 

“Diane?” Steve looked at them confused.  “What about her?” 

Frank looked at Abby who nodded. “We are not sure about their connection, but we think Mike and Diane are working together.  Diane was the one who attacked Abby.  She said something that we need to figure out.” 

“Like what?” Andy asked, taking notes.  

“The possibility that Mary could be his daughter.” Everyone freezes.  “Andy, I need to know what our rights will be if he comes after us for custody.” 

Next

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[marshmallowprotection]

TW! I committed an act of self harm for the first time last night since around middle school, I’m not proud of myself. It was triggered by school stress, I forgot how bad I get mentally when it comes to academics. I try so hard to prove myself as a burnt out gifted kid with ADHD, you know? I’m tired of being seen as lazy, or bad at everything. Can I get some SE comfort? We owe you lots Kait 🩷

TW: Self-Harm Mention

SE Saeran is the last person to ever misunderstand what you're going through.

He knows what it feels like to drag yourself to the brink of exhaustion because you're trying to prove yourself to the people around you. He understands how devastating it can feel to look somebody in the eyes and have them say that you're not doing enough, when you are quite frankly, doing everything you can at that specific moment in time to complete things.

You can't make everybody happy, which he learned the hard way because no matter how much he tried to please Rika, he never did. She kept him working non-stop while holding a carrot on a string and there was no way for him to reach the carrot. If you think he's going to misunderstand what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the fact that you can't make the people around you happy with anything you do, think again. 

You're not lazy and you don't have to work yourself into the ground to be able to prove that to anybody. All you have to do is put your best foot forward and do what you can with what you have. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be number one all the time. You don't have to be at the top of the class.

You're allowed to take it easy and go at your own pace. Falling under your expectations doesn't mean you're a failure, if anything, you should take it as a lesson to study harder in the future, but not to work yourself into the ground over it.

If you want to do better, it's one thing to study more, but it's another thing to beat yourself up. 

Saeran wouldn't want you to do that to yourself.

He does that enough to himself all the time. Even though he is mostly apathetic to the world around him due to how overwhelmed he got in the end, he still experiences a great amount of empathy and most of it is directed towards you because you have shown him a world of kindness he still isn't sure he deserves. Your kindness to him shows that you are a good person no matter what you do, and even if you fail to reach the height you set for yourself, he'll be standing there waiting to catch you.

You always do that for him, so why wouldn't he do it for you? Even if he has no idea what he's doing, you've done so much for him that it's only fair he tries to do whatever he can for you. Sure, does that look like him dragging you out of the house to lay under a shady tree for the afternoon so you don't have to think about anything?

Yeah.

That's how he handles a lot of stress in his life. Running away from it won't make it better, but taking a break from everything that makes you feel like your head is going to explode will make a difference. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud but it helps. At least, the act of taking a breather helps him. It might help you, who knows? It's always worth a shot. Taking the time to breathe and collect yourself before you do anything gives you time to find an answer and process what brought the pain in the first place.

Take it from Saeran, if you stew in those feelings forever, it will do nothing but bring you agony.

So, as you lay outside underneath the sky he loves so much, expect to feel his hand on top of yours as neither one of you says anything. He isn't much of a talker and you never ask him to push himself outside of his comfort bubble. He doesn't need to say much, if at all, because you know he's the kind of person who communicates what he's feeling through the way he looks at you and how willingly he lets you get close to him when nobody else could ever get that close.

If you take his hand, he'll give it a gentle squeeze. If you roll over into his side so you can close your eyes and stop thinking about anything but the way is chest rises and falls with every breath, he won't stop you, either. 

"Listen... don't let the desire to be the best destroy you, okay? You're already the best you that you can be... because for whatever reason, you decided I was worth the trouble... anyone who does that should be given sainthood by the church my brother loves so much. Now, let go... close your eyes... and just... breathe with me, okay?"

[fuck-customers]

I may or may not have done an oopsie at work by talking back to my boss. Long rant, sorry.

Follow up, I was the anon who sent in a message about how me and another coworker drew pictures for Christmas on our personal work whiteboard and my boss got butthurt over it cause he’s a douche, so I drew a picture of the grinch directed at him.

He sent out a message initially saying the “graffiti” was unacceptable etc and I didn’t respond because either I’d have to A) kiss his ass and lie like a suck up or B) tell him to get fucked . Both of which options didn’t seem viable, so I opted to ignore it.

Cut to today, a few weeks later. I wake up after doing an overnight shift to a message from him. He’s detailing how my close was unacceptable and going off about my coworker drawing on the board, again (said coworker already handed in his letter of resignation last week and so we both decided to just leave it up as somethin of a fuck you cause ya can’t get fired if you quit).

The message was detailing things I’d made sure were done, and prep that wasn’t completed that should’ve been done by the day shift people.

I was half asleep, in a bad mood and sick of months of this crap so I went off. Debated all his points, told him the prep wasn’t my sole responsibility and several things he listed had in fact been done by us. That the day people need to start pulling their weight and this issue of me coming in to nothing done has been ongoing for weeks. I tried to keep civil but made it very apparent he wasn’t going to speak to me like that without getting shit back. I reminded him that majority of my closes are great and I work myself to the fucking bone to make sure the opening people come in to a clean environment (not because I care abt the job, but because I want the opener to have an easy job), but mistakes happen and I don’t want to be constantly under threat of disciplinary action because I’m a fucking tired human being.

He responded with something like “I’ll speak to the day people to let them know this is an issue” to which I said that shouldn’t be the only take away he gets from this, and I don’t want to be constantly worried that if I leave so much as a crumb on the floor I’ll be hunted down over it. Said that behaviour like this is reason my coworker quit and may be the reason I quit as well as they’re already not paying me enough to warrant wanting to keep this job as it stands and I’m over this unhealthy work environment.

He hasn’t responded to that last part yet. Coworker and I are joking that either he’s too stunned that a ‘mere employee’ bit back, or he’s planning to murder me. I know I should be concerned, and the safest course of action would’ve been to bend over backwards going “yes sir, of course sir” but I’m tired of this place and looking to quit anyway and boss is a piece of shit who’s called us employees ‘just numbers’ numerous times, so fuck him anyway. I’ve been so overworked, stressed and burnt out for months now that I’m just unable to feel it anymore.

TLDR; boss tried to berate me through text so I bit back and basically told him to fuck off cause I don’t need this job as much as they need me 🤗

[hockeynoses]

Calling In

Another Ste/ddie snz fic! 😅

Summary: Steve is sick and hopes that he won’t have to call off of work tomorrow. Eddie thinks he’s delusional. 1k.

Warnings: Some coughing. Not too much mess (nothing like what I sometimes write, anyway).

Notes: I wrote a rough draft of this for myself a month or two ago. I came across it today and decided to clean it up and post it. At this point, I’m a one-trick pony, but the “heart” wants what it wants. 💖

~*~

Steve had been forced to stay home today, having been taken down by a terrible head cold. Eddie came home from work to find him bundled up on the couch, looking like he’d just woken up from a nap. It pulled at something in his chest, seeing Steve so vulnerable like this.

After having dinner and catching each other up on their day (not that Steve has much to report), they’re snuggled back on the couch, watching TV.

“Baybe I’ll be well enough to go to work toborrow…” Steve muses hopefully.

Eddie shoots him an incredulous look. “You think you’re going to be better enough to work tomorrow?” His eyes flick to the pile of tissues currently surrounding Steve. The man can barely make it through a sentence without sniffling, sneezing, or coughing. He’s constantly holding a bundle of tissues up to his face because his nose is totally out of control and lord knows what might come out.

“Idt could happedn!” Steve says indignantly, into the aforementioned wad of kleenex. He gives a productive blow while glaring at Eddie, eyes tired and red-rimmed.

“Okay, we’ll see how you feel tomorrow morning,” Eddie relents. It isn’t worth it, and he doesn’t want to start an argument that would stress Steve out when he should be taking it easy. Steve nods like the matter is settled. Then he tilts his head back, eyes closing, inhaling a shaky breath before – “haaah…hah’ESSSHH’oo!” With the soaked mass of tissues still pressed to his face, he sheepishly looks at Eddie and asks, “Cand you bmake be some tea?”

Eddie chuckles, giving him a soft look. “Sure, sweetheart.” He pushes back the hair that had fallen into Steve’s face before heading into the kitchen.

[…]

The next morning, Steve wakes up feeling just as bad as yesterday – if not worse.  Blearily, he comes to, his nose somehow both crusted over and still running. It’s even on his pillow and he feels disgusting. He draws in a breath, throat dry from a night of mouth-breathing and no water, and immediately breaks into a crackling, chesty cough that makes him curl into himself. He tries his best to cover with his hand, which is now a mess, having just used it to wipe his nose.

As he’s catching his breath, the fit mostly over with, Eddie steps into the room, still in his pajamas and holding two cups of coffee.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Concern shines in his big eyes. “You sound awful.” He sits on the edge of the bed next to Steve, setting both mugs on the nightstand and grabbing several tissues from the box there, handing them over. “Here.”

Steve takes them gratefully and presses them to his poor nose. “Tha-ahhh- hih’KISSSHHH’uu! Ugh. Thaggs.” He blows his nose, which tickles his throat and causes him to cough up more gunk from his lungs. When it’s over, he turns to lay on his back again, groaning. “Oh god…”

Eddie pats his hip through the covers. “Still feel like going to work today?” he asks, trying and failing to keep a hint of smugness from his voice.

Steve groans again, this time in frustration, as he rolls over and buries his face into the pillow, hiding from Eddie. “You’re so bmean.” His words are muffled into the plush fabric.

Eddie laughs. “Hey, I’m not mean!  I brought you coffee.”

Steve peeks an eye open, reminded of the mug on the nightstand next to him. He can barely smell, but what he can, smells good.

“And I have the day off, so I can stay with you all day.” Eddie gives him a little poke through the thick comforter.

“Are you gonna be nice?”

“Baby, I’ll be so nice it’ll blow your socks off. I’ll get you anything you want.” Eddie pauses, carding a hand through Steve’s messy hair. “Should I get the phone so you can call in?”

“Ha-knxxgt! SNF. Yeah.” Steve pouts a little in defeat. Eddie’s vindication over being right is dulled a bit by how pathetic Steve looks.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Sit tight.”

Steve sits up and tries to clear the grittiness from his voice so he’ll sound somewhat human. It only makes him cough more. Grabbing his coffee off the nightstand, he takes a few sips, the warm liquid helping to soothe his throat.

Eddie comes back and hands him the cordless phone, picking up his own mug and settling into the other side of the bed. Steve dials the number.

“SNF. Hey, Robidn.” His voice is a rough croak. “I thigk I’b godda have to stay hombe agaidn. I’b still-hah…. still- ihhh-hih’ERSSSH’IUE! Ugh. Really sick.” He moans and rubs his nose. Eddie presses a tissue into his hand, which he gratefully accepts. “Yeah. I’b – hih….heh’AESSSHOO!  I’b sorry.” He buries his face into the tissue and gives a couple of soft blows. Robin’s voice filters through the line, tinny.

“I dod’t wand to get adyone else sigk,” Steve responds. “And besides, Eddie would probably kill me if I tried to combe idn today.” He glances at Eddie with a tired smile. Eddie nods his head in silent agreement and sips his coffee.

“Okay. Hih’ISSHHH’ah! I will. Thaggs.” He ends the call and sets the phone down on the side table. “Well, that’s done.” He has just enough time to snap the ruined bundle of tissues back up to his face before – “ih’KISSH! Hah’TISSHSH!” He gives an exhausted blow before clearing his throat. “I thigk I bmight go back to sleeb.”

“Can you stay awake long enough for some breakfast? You should probably eat.”

“Just – hih’AEESSH’UE! Just wake be up agaidn whedn it’s ready.” He lays down again, curling onto his side.

“Alright, baby, I can do that.” Eddie rubs his back. “You have any requests?”

“Hmm… pancakes.”

“Pancakes?” Eddie says dramatically. “It’s a high ask, but your wish is my command.” He presses a kiss to Steve’s shoulder before getting up to make breakfast.