#so this was kicking around in my head

[tennessoui]

wait lol au where post-war, the jedi order does a date auction a la every cliche ever where they auction off a date night with one of their jedi generals. it's supposed to raise credits for various post-war charities as well as stoke good feelings about the order (the smear campaign was pretty effective, even if sidious died before the genocide bit)

obviously both the hero with no fear and the negotiator are put on the metaphorical chopping block. anakin is a Good Husband™️ so he clears this with Padmé first, and she laughs and agrees and wishes him luck in surviving the hoards of fans that desire him carnally. she says as a senator, she will be expected to attend and maybe even bid. they both agree that it would be way too obvious for their super secret marriage if she bids on anakin, and anakin asks her to bid on obi-wan in a spur of the moment thing.

it's just. obi-wan was really hurt aboard the invisible hand and then he was hurt again when fighting with grievous. and is anyone vetting these random people who will get to go on a date with the jedi? anyone could win!! a disgruntled separatist could win obi-wan's attention for a night and then take him on a date and then kill him!!!! under anakin's very nose!!!

anakin actually gets like. super concerned about this possibility. like super concerned. he gets padmé to promise that she will bid however much it takes to win obi-wan's hand (she is after all generationally wealthy) and she agrees because she loves him and then also follows through because she's a woman of her word.

anakin gets bid on by several people, one woman wins, it's whatever, anakin doesn't care. what anakin cares about is making sure he and this person can go to the same restaurant as obi-wan and padmé. just like. to make sure obi-wan is alright. he was looking quite flushed during the bidding? anakin is Concerned.

and anakin's poor date, who paid millions of credits for his attention, has to deal with an anakin who is obsessed with what's happening a table over and why are they laughing and are their knees touching beneath the table and maybe anakin should go over and like? break it up? his master is obviously a bit uncomfortable in all this candlelight. he looks beautiful, obviously, but he's clearly uncomfortable and he would feel better if anakin were there. obviously.

and anakin's poor date ALSO has to deal with meeting obi-wan kenobi after/during dinner because anakin can't keep in his lane, and general kenobi is downright hostile and cold to her because he's feeling incredibly overprotective at the thought of anakin having to spend time with some woman who bought him. as if he were a slave again.

[lucabyte]

Perceptive kid, I wonder just how much they pretend not to overhear.

[crazylittlejester]

Warriors who knows he’s gorgeous and uses it to his advantage vs. Time who’s the most stunning man on the planet but completely unaware of it and is just absolutely oblivious to the fact that he gets hit on almost every single time he, Wars, and Twi go out for drinks because he honest to god just thinks people are being nice and friendly

and no matter how many times someone (Warriors) has been like “hey man, they were fucking flirting with you”, he is unable to recognize it the next time it happens. Warriors thinks he a lost cause, and Malon has definitely sat there more than once and watched someone hit on Time and shoot their shot, not realizing he’s married. and she just laughed her ass off because Time wouldn’t get the hint if it slapped him in the fucking face, bless his heart, and she’s had to go and rescue him because he just seriously cannot tell when people are hitting on him. He’s definitely embarrassed about it every single time it happens, but he just does not get it

is he smooth as fuck when HE’S flirting with his wife? absolutely. can he figure out when anyone is flirting with him? absolutely not.

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

fiona gallagher // "i bet on losing dogs" by mistki

[iizuumi]

[sharkylass]

10! Video games!

I assume at this point we’ve all seen the Raph as Princess Peach thing going around- So I thought why not go all the way? Where are my Rosalinas? The Polinas? 

They would totally get into character only so that they can talk shit about Mario.

(More versions under cut!)

You physically cannot convince me Leo wouldn’t be Rosalina. 

I can see Donnie having respect for Polina, and Mikey vibing with Daisy- But I just LOVE the idea that Mikey would love Polina- She’s just girlbossing, she went from the damsel in distress to being New York’s fucking MAYOR. It just fits so well with my headcanons of Mikey-

On top of that, me and my girlfriend were talking, and I realized how much Raph actually needs this. He’s always the one saving people, always worrying for their safety- Just- Just this once. He gets to indulge in the idea of being saved.

And Mikey liking Polina has a simular vibe to it- Cause Mikey wants to not be babied right? So what’s character would command more respect then a MAYOR. Who holds a concert and is just rocking the professional vibe. I also headcanon Mikey as aro ace and genderfluid, so Polina switching from suits to dresses, as well as being a past love interest for Mario makes me think she went “Nah, not for me” WHICH AGAIN, FITS WITH MY MIKEY HEADCANONS-

[thwackk]

FUCKING HORSES!!!!!!!

[piedoesnotequalpi]

Race likes knitting sweaters but hates knitting sleeves so Spot's wardrobe ends up being like 50% hand-knitted tank tops

[strawberrystepmom]

im sorry to say but you will truly have to rip my 'teaching a man who is rough around the edges how to handle you with care' thing from my cold dead little hands

[quoththemaiden]

Aziraphale: The Sword that Guards the Tree of Life

Looking where the furniture isn't

This post is dedicated to @meatballlady's excellent insistence that if we want to try to predict where season 3 will go, we need to look at where the furniture isn't. That is, what must have been there but wasn't shown?

For this one, my source material is going to be Genesis. That is, in no small part, because it does in fact fuck severely that Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett took the angel with the flaming sword and the serpent of Eden and made them kiss (@joycrispy, @ouidamforeman). It's also because Genesis, quite simply, exists, and it seems safe to assume that most everyone in Gaiman and Pratchett's intended audience has been exposed to at least its first few chapters dozens of times.

What does Genesis tell us about Aziraphale's purpose?

3:22 Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out with his hand, and take fruit also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—  23 therefore the Lord God sent him out of the Garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken.  24 So He drove the man out; and at the east of the Garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life.

@joycrispy's analysis above highlights Aziraphale's role as given in the last verse: as the angel chosen to wield the flaming sword, he was sent down after Adam and Eve were expelled to prevent them from returning. Instead, he chose to protect them by giving that sword away. His desire to protect humanity is indeed beautiful (@give-soup-please, @snek-eyes).

But wait, what came right before that? "And take fruit also from the tree of life...?"

2:9 Out of the ground the Lord God caused every tree to grow that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; the tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

That's right: What we see in the show is that Adam and Eve were sent out of Eden so that they'd have to deal with the rain and the animals and have to work for their food, but that was never the primary motivation. God planted two special trees, and after Eve and Adam ate from one of them, God was terrified at the prospect of them turning around and eating from the other. And thus, the Garden of Eden was made off-limits and set to be permanently guarded by an angel with a flaming sword.

So, the flaming sword.

Twice now, Aziraphale's sword has helped humanity survive complete and total destruction (@nottobehornyonthemain). The first time, he handed the sword to the first two humans, which protected not just them but the entirety of the human race via Adam and very pregnant Eve.

The second time, he let it be wielded by The Them, who used it to best the Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse and save the billions of humans already alive as well as unborn generations.

Perhaps the flaming sword was only intended as a plot point in the first season. However, if its purpose were completed, it could have easily been destroyed. As a narrative piece, it could have broken dramatically at the end of the face-off against the Four Horsepeople. Or, Watsonianly, God could have chosen to break it Herself; after all, it was already used against its intended purpose twice, so why let it keep existing?

Instead, it's carefully taken away to... where? Heaven?

The place Aziraphale is now going?

Or at least a place where he could likely find a record showing where it's being stored?

Whether you call it "rule of threes" or "Chekhov's gun," I think it likely that Aziraphale will be getting his sword back in season 3. He probably doesn't want it (@createserenity, @ineffableigh, @doctorscienceknowsfandom), but he'll need it.

The question, then, is what would Aziraphale do with the flaming sword he was given to prevent humans from reaching the tree of life?

If we're looking at where the furniture isn't, the biggest stretch of an interpretation would be to say that the missing furniture is the tree of life. If anyone knows where Eden is, it would be Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate. We know that both Heaven and Hell want to end humanity. The opening credits have humanity walking to their judgment after their deaths; what better way to prevent that than by preventing those deaths?

The most intense version of this theory says that the audience should be familiar with the story of the Garden of Eden and know damn well that there are two special trees there and that Aziraphale was put in place to guard the second one — the one humanity hasn't eaten from yet, the one that grants immortal life. That's where, if I were truly trying to swing for the hills by aiming at where the furniture isn't, I would ideally like to end this post. If that were the case, season 3 could even open with Aziraphale walking towards the Garden of Eden, sword in hand, but this time approaching it from the outside with the intention of tearing the wall down.

But, let's be honest, making individual people immortal doesn't feel like it would fit with the themes of Good Omens, nor with Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett's world views.

So, let's take the tree of life symbolically: Instead of the tree of life granting individual humans immortality, it could instead represent giving humanity immortality. In that case, the thing that's where the furniture isn't is Aziraphale's sword. You know, the sword that's already saved the human race from extinction twice now, with both times being because Aziraphale gave it away.

I suspect that the sword will wind up in Aziraphale's hands again in season 3. I also quite suspect that it won't be staying there. In the end, I expect it will once again be up to humanity to reach out their hand to take the apple from that second tree.

[cleromancy]

"tim needs to get a new mantle he didnt steal from his siblings" wrong. Say hello to the new huntress

[bydusklight]

-- you have something to confess. [x]

[egginfroggin]

I feel the need to simply talk about the Dying of the Light AU with regards to Emmet's powers and why I wrote The Sun in Flight with such an emphasis on heat.

Of course Reshiram is a fire-type Legendary and as such is extremely powerful, and this extends somewhat to Emmet, as well. I wanted to emphasize the sheer intensity of Reshiram's fires, and did so by having Emmet describe it as "unbearable" and "incinerating," because Emmet himself can melt glass and sand.

And this is where we get to the main inspiration that set off all this hot-themed prose: a few tags on the reblog that inspired this au talked about Emmet possibly having a castle of glass, to mirror Ingo's castle of ice in Iced Tracks. Here's the thing.

Glass is made from melted sand -- or more accurately, silica, which is abundant in sand.

Sand melts at about 3,090 degrees Fahrenheit, or 1,700 degrees Celsius.

For comparison, lava is about 2,200 Fahrenheit.

LAVA.

[castlebyersafterdark]

I wonder if the rest of the party have heard the things Mike says during sex to Will, or even Will's noises woops, and - In the nicest, not actually mean, best friend way - I wonder if they bring it up or do some light teasing about it especially to Mike 🤭🫣 wonder what they think (maybe not freshly together Byler but after some years when everyone's super chill)

I think these two are so funny because they really try to be so "normal" about each other, but once their friends know and everything's cool, and they have support... they're embarrassingly obsessed with each other. I mean, they always havs been, but now it's of a different flavor. "Which one is the clingy boyfriend?" Uhhhhh BOTH 🤭 anyway, as they get more open with their affection, the comfort level raises. Maybe too comfortable haha. Cue the party side-eying as Mike and Will get lost in their own world. Always whispering to each other, sneaking a kiss whenever its safe and they can, personal space becomes nonexistent. The infamous handsy-ness during movie nights - dead giveaway when Will involuntarily squeaks or whimpers while Mike thinks he's being subtle under their shared blanket. And their friends absolutely calling them out for a conspicuous hickey. And they're always sneaking away.

One day at school, Lucas is in the boys bathroom during third period. As he's standing in front of the sink he hears the sound of a palm slamming against the locked stall door, the last one in the row. Rolls his eyes and winces at the unmistakable babble and breathy moan of one Mike Wheeler. "That's it angel. Fuck, you're perfect, babydoll, so fucking pretty." Plausible denisbility to the gender of the other participant, but he's one of the few who knows the truth that it's Will Byers on his knees. He makes fun of them at lunch, mostly for the fact that they couldn't even make it to ten a.m. that day.

Another time, Dustin learns his lesson the hard way when he shows up early to Mike's house for a campaign session planned for later that day. He opens the side door to the basement and hears before he sees the insatiable, insufferable duo. Mike sitting on the couch, with Will straddling him, riding him slowly with unmistakable noises punched out of him as he bounces on Mike's lap. Both fortunate for his sanity and unfortunate for the reality of what he's walked in on, he doesn't get much of an eyeful, because Will's wearing that damned wizard costume. And Mike's got part of his homemade armor on. But Dustin is not safe for long. The worst part is their banter. Kill him now. "Ohhh, Michael. That's right, lay your hands on me, you’re the only, hmm, only one who can save us. Take me, oh god, take me and be healed, take what you need from me." "Yes, William, so good, come on, give me what I need. Give me your wisdom, your body." "Uhhh, oh yeah, Michael, that's good. Say my name again, address me by my full name, love." "Uh, fuck yeah, Will the-"

Slam. He's done. He's going home now that he shook himself from the transfixed shock as he was subjected to that trainwreck. Dustin’s going to be ill. If it was just walking in on his friends having sex, fine. Awkward, but ultimately hilarious after the fact. That??? He could have lived his entire life without knowing that. Especially with whatever the hell those accents were. Screw going home. He's heading over next door to Lucas's to immediately tell him what just happened.

[xenon-demon]

Something something steddie role swap AU. Steve and Eddie swap places for the final fight against Vecna (because you don’t really need to be able to play the guitar to make a distraction with one, and Steve is already injured while Eddie is Not), things proceed as in canon - the bats get in, Steve is self-sacrificial because that’s the Steve Harrington Agenda™, Steve gets himself killed.

Dustin has to watch his older brother die in his arms. Robin has to come back from a fight that she’s pretty sure they lost to find the other half of her soul is gone. Lucas finds out that not only has he lost Max, but he’s also lost his role model, one of his biggest supporters. Eddie is stuck in a town that’s falling apart, filled with people that hate him, and the only people who will understand are mourning someone Eddie barely knew. Someone whose shoes Eddie is never going to be able to fill, even when he feels like he has to try because that’s what he does; protect his people. And no matter how fucked the circumstances that got them here are, he’s decided these are his people now.

(They have to be, now that not even Uncle Wayne can calm him down when he has the nightmares, seeing Chrissy’s lifeless eyes staring down at him as he hears her bones crunch and twist-)

Eddie can’t breathe with how the gaping absence of Steve Harrington is threatening to swallow him whole. It’s always there, in the way Robin is isolating herself, sleeping over in Steve’s empty house whenever she can, and no one can get her to talk about it. It’s in the way Dustin, overcome with grief, keeps oscillating between blaming Eddie for agreeing to switch places and blaming himself for suggesting it in the first place. It’s in the way Eddie wonders sometimes, as he turns the events of Spring Break over in his mind, if maybe there was something there, or could have been something - and then he’s immediately overcome with guilt, because he’s lusting after a ghost. A ghost of someone he didn’t even know, really, as he’s learning more and more every day about the ways Steve has changed since high school.

So after a few weeks of this, especially with the added stress of Hawkins falling apart at the seams and being constantly invaded by hellbeasts from the gaping portals all over town, Eddie does what he does best.

He runs away.

He doesn’t even think about where he’s going, just puts one foot in front of the other - even as he crosses over a portal into the Upside Down, one near the trailer park, he doesn’t let himself stop and think. If he does that, he’s going to have a panic attack, and having one of those here in Hell is absolutely going to get him killed, the otherworldly hisses and screams echoing around him amongst the trees are a pretty potent reminder-

There’s a snap behind him, sounding way too close for comfort. Eddie spins around, heart racing in his chest, tensed and ready to run if he has to.

There’s nothing there. Nothing living, at least, because Eddie can see a broken branch just dangling down from one of the trees he just walked past. From this far away, it looks like something has pulled down on it, snapping the top part of the branch and leaving it attached at the bottom by just a thin layer of wood. It’s such a tenuous connection that the branch is bobbing slightly under the weight of gravity, and it looks like at some point it might just break under its own weight.

The main problem with this is that it was definitely a whole, intact branch when he first walked past it.

Eddie finds himself taking a few steps forward without really thinking about it. As he gets closer, his heartbeat gets louder and louder until he can hear it pounding in his ears. He feels a deep sense of wrongness here, like something - someone, maybe - is watching him, waiting for some kind of trigger. It crawls up his spine like a spider, making his skin crawl, his shoulders twitching involuntarily.

The feeling only intensifies when he’s within arms reach of the broken branch. It’s like a block of ice gets dropped into his chest, the way he suddenly goes cold; from this distance, he can see the branch is thicker than his upper arm. Whatever it was that did this, it’s stronger than a human, that’s for sure. Eddie feels the sharp buzz of panic begin to settle over his body, is dimly aware of a hysterical noise starting to bubble up within him-

The breath is slammed out of his lungs, too quickly to even scream. At the same time, he feels pain bloom across his upper body from being grabbed by the shoulder and shoved up against the tree. Eddie feels pinpricks of pain all up his back, his thin Iron Maiden t-shirt doing little to protect his skin from the tree bark.

Eddie’s eyes are screwed tight as he waits for the inevitable; he’s seen enough of this place to know he doesn’t want to see whatever it is that’s about to kill him. He feels something sharp scrape against his neck, followed by a pressure along the underside of his jaw, and his last coherent thought is, Jesus Christ, can’t believe I’m leaving Henderson fatherless.

Except... he doesn’t die. Eddie Munson keeps breathing, quick and shallow gasps with his eyes still tightly shut. It doesn’t make any sense, his brain can’t even begin to process what’s happening to him, so after a few seconds - when he’s sure he’s actually still alive, and not just having a delayed reaction to being eaten - Eddie opens his eyes. Immediately he feels like throwing up.

Because there in front of him, mere inches away from his face, face twisted into an utterly chilling smile, is Steve Harrington.

Or at least - something that was Steve Harrington, once upon a time. The creature now in front of Eddie has- christ, where does Eddie even begin. He doesn’t know where to look first, his brain overloading trying to take it all in - Steve has fangs now, that Eddie’s certain of, sharpened canines that jut out under Steve’s top lip and glint whenever lightning crackles overhead. He can see streaks of what looks like dried blood trailing down Steve’s chin from the fangs, following his neck downwards until they’re lost in the ring of scar tissue and dried blood at the base of his neck where he got choked by the demobats.

Most captivating of all, though, are Steve’s eyes. Once he makes eye contact, Eddie can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away. Steve’s eyes have always looked pretty to Eddie, in that strange middle ground where they look brown in some lights and almost green in others, but now they shine with a soft golden glow in the darkness. He’s not quite sure, it’s hard to focus enough to be sure, but Eddie thinks his pupils are no longer human-like, instead vertical slits like a cat’s eye.

Now that Eddie’s made eye contact, out his peripheral vision he sees Steve’s grin grow impossibly wider. At the same time, that pressure around his neck gets worse momentarily as Steve squeezes, oh fuck, he has his hand around Eddie’s throat. That sharp prickling sensation is back again, too, and Christ Almighty he’s pretty sure Steve has fucking claws.

Steve leans in even closer, and Eddie feels his breath fan across his face as he drawls, “Did you miss me too, baby?”

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it