#so vague and strange that they wouldn't make sense to anyone but me

[thedawningofthehour]

Now that you've said how long this story is gonna be, can you say how much of it did you have planned before either writing or uploading it? Could you share your process for plotting everything out and all that?

When I first started writing? I had jack shit planned. I literally had an idea in my head of Donnie being captured by Draxum and being a little fucking shit and wrote that out for funsies. I do this a lot-I have a lot of projects in my Google Docs where I wrote 2-5, maybe 10k words at the absolute most and got bored. I just didn't get bored with this one. I kept having ideas and refining them in my head while in the shower/trying to go to bed. I had written most of Donnie's table content and I'd say the first two-ish chapters of Leo's POV? before I really considered posting it.

By the time I started seriously revising with the intent of posting, yeah I had a general series of events solidified in my head and was vicariously imagining the 'big scenes' before bed like a Netflix show. (For writers following along, every writer has a different approach to plotting and it's really more of a matter of finding what suits you best, but do have a general idea of what's going to happen next and where you're going. Don't go "oh, I'll figure it out as I go along"-ya won't. You can always change the destination if you do think of something better, but don't rely on having a brilliant brain blast moment at 3 AM) I have added more as time went on-Bella was seriously supposed to be a super minor side character where it would never even be stated that she was Draxum's niece, (I was actually going to kill her off-screen) and she just took life and beat me over the head with my keyboard. And I did alter arc 2 a bit to give Mikey a bigger role because I do love him, even if I shaft him a lot, and his philosophy is going to play a major role in everyone else's character development. (that's gonna be my excuse, this is all about character development! And Mikey is perfect the way he is)

As far as my process for plotting...you guys seem to be under some impression that I'm the captain of this ship. Buddy. I am a stowaway watching and listening and frantically writing it all down. I do not steer the ship. I do not even guide the ship. At times I whisper to the characters and suggest they move in a certain direction, and a good portion of the time they tell me to fuck off and do what they like. I know I'm literally the author but I have no control over these things. Certain things just Happen. I don't plan it. It just pops into my head and won't leave me alone.

[theminecraftbee]

fae zedaph, avian tango, and/or butterfly impulse?

Tango pinches the bridge of his nose. He breathes in. He breathes out. He looks at Zedaph.

"Okay. Why do you have a baby," Tango says.

"Well, it was an accident!" Zedaph says.

"How! How do you accidentally end up with a baby!" Tango says. He pauses. He considers what he has just said. He revises: "How do you or I accidentally end up with a baby! I am a robot and you are an immortal fairy creature. You can't babyificate. I know. You've checked."

"You don't have to sound so haunted," Zedaph says, vaguely hurt.

"I am very haunted by most of what you do, that's not the point. How did you end up with a baby! I can't take care of a baby, Zedaph! You definitely can't take care of a baby! What are we going to do with a baby?"

Zedaph shuffles his feet. When they'd first met, Tango had been reluctantly impressed with how human Zedaph's mannerisms were for a guy who, at that time, still hadn't been entirely certain you weren't supposed to eat people who were rude to you. He's come a long way since Tango had discovered he was just alive enough to be able to accidentally slip into the feywild, and Zedaph discovered he was actually much happier experimenting in the human world most of the time than dealing with other fair folk and their 'predictable rules' and 'annoying laws of hospitality'.

If Tango wasn't mostly made of steel and cold iron, he probably wouldn't have survived the early encounters with Zedaph. Nowadays, though, it's easy to mistake Zedaph for just an exceptionally weird human. Sure, he still looks at everyone a little bit like they're more of an experiment or strange animal than a person, but that's just Zedaph. Even if he were human, Tango's pretty sure he'd follow his own idiosyncratic laws.

None of this explains why he has a baby.

"Okay, look, it's not my fault this time, I swear," Zedaph says. "It's--look, I was in-town, and there was this guy, and he made a bargain with me! It was a very little bargain! I didn't think he'd break it. Honest! He just wanted gold--"

"Oh no," mutters Tango.

"--and I just told him that I wanted him to take care of a sheep for me without looking at it! I wanted to see what would happen if a sheep grew up without anyone looking at it. Would it want to look at other people more or less? You know my problems with sheep and looking at me."

"I hate that I know where this is going," Tango says.

"And he was all like, oh that's easy, I won't break that bargain. And I remembered what you said about how most people don't like having their babies swapped out with fey, which still doesn't really make sense honestly because I think a baby me is WAY more exciting than a baby human to take care of and also then I can experiment with the baby human but that's not the point. The point is that you said most people would avoid that! So I said, okay, if you break our bargain and look at the sheep, I'll come take your first baby. It's a traditional fey thing! I thought he wouldn't do it! I don't want a baby, I want a traumatized sheep!"

"Sometimes I wonder if my inventor knew my life would end up like this," Tango says.

"So imagine my shock when one day I just--poof--I have a baby!"

"I don't know how to take care of a baby," Tango says. "You absolutely shouldn't be trusted with a baby. What do we do with a baby."

The two of them look at the child.

"I mean, I cast a spell on it so it would sleep?" Zedaph says tentatively. "But to be totally honest with you, I don't actually know how long those last. You know how it is with my magic."

"I have decided this is Impulse's problem," Tango responds after a moment. "We give the baby to Impulse. He's a human. Humans know what to do with babies, right?"

Zedaph gives Tango an extremely skeptical look. "I got this one from a human."

"Impulse will suffer with us," Tango says.

"Sold," Zedaph says. "Let's go give Impulse a surprise baby."

"Please don't phrase it like that," Tango says, and they both start heading in the direction of where Tango thinks Impulse is currently living. Surely, he has the solution to this problem. Surely.

[ssahotchnerr]

aftermath;

the consequences or aftereffects of a significant unpleasant event.

part 1 cw; begins right after 5x10, mentions of death, grieving, mention of food/alcohol

a/n; buckle up!! get ready for slowburn, angst, and everything that comes in between!!!!! AND AHH my first series!! i hope y'all enjoy <3 please feel free let me know all your thoughts as we embark on this journey together! this part is more background based before we really dive in - it's very important to the overall plot!

series masterlist | masterlist | wc; 1.7k

-

haley was a stranger. to you, at least.

you've encountered her once, maybe twice, but only in passing. the two of you had never a full conversation, just merely acknowledged each other's presence as appropriate. it was as insignificant as any basic encounter one would have on the street, but you remembered it clearly, almost too vividly. you deemed it as a result of recent occurrences, or hotch's current leave of absence, but the memory wouldn't stop repeating itself over and over again in your mind.

dinner parties at rossi's were common. if the ever so thoughtful serial killers allowed for it and granted a weekend off, the team would congregate at dave's. dave would make whatever grand Italian dish he had up his sleeves, the lot of you would bring appetizers, and then enjoy a night of relaxation together, as those with normal lives would. when you first joined the bau, over a year ago now, you hadn't expected a dynamic similar to this. former colleagues of yours were distant, cold, and treated personal lives as a taboo. they didn't want to be on friendly terms, they refused to be.

an outsider would call these dinners team bonding, previously you would, and while that could be true, that's not what it was exactly. it was a family affair, you all were family.

and as a result, it only made sense jack had a standing invitation. along with will, henry, sometimes kevin.

you could picture jack running around the backyard, kicking around a soccer ball. it was after dinner, and you could vaguely hear hotch calling out to him, reminding him to slow down as they had just ate. that night, jack had been so lively with energy, completely oblivious to the horrors of the world. if you could go back in time, you would do anything in your power to conserve that for him. no one that young should face what he had, no one should regardless. like this particular memory, you couldn't shake the solemn expression glued on his face at haley's funeral, nor the image of him hoisted on hotch's side, saying their final goodbyes at the cemetery. you could only guess, but you believed that while he didn't understand what exactly had occurred, he knew his mom was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

it was strange, that haley was gone, you had just seen her not too long ago. there was also a distinct shift in the world, it seemed. like everything would no longer be the same.

it was a few weeks before she and jack had to go into isolation, that night at dave's, and haley had picked up jack. she greeted everyone as she entered the backyard, where you were all frequenting the back patio, a friendly smile on her face. forced or genuine, you didn't know. jack excitedly ran up to her, not hesitating to launch himself into her arms. as he did so, hotch slowly approached her, before they sauntered off to the side, exchanging quiet words. you were too far away to hear, which was fine, it wasn't your place to anyway. but that didn't mean you couldn't see them.

you hadn't meant to stare, but something about hotch had piqued your interest; you couldn't tear your sight away from him even if you tried.

it was the look in his eyes. the expression on his face.

hotch never showed emotions, genuine emotions, as everyone and anyone knew. not in the office, not in the field, and they were tame in the instances of family dinners, going out for drinks, etc.. while he was more laidback, he still had a professionalism about him.

this was different, and maybe it was the profiler in you, but you knew what it was. it was clear.

he still loved haley, probably no less than the day he had first fallen for her. his face had softened, his body language was indicating he wanted to move closer, but his better judgement and feet refused to let him. he didn't break eye contact once, his eyes longing for something, but there was also an acceptance in them.

this was want she wanted, and so, he was giving it to her. hotch wasn't happy, but he would stop at nothing to make sure she was. his expression, you then realized, was a ghost of his past; a past love that had faltered. you had tried to imagine the two of them, young and in love.

suddenly you found yourself wishing that somehow, they would find a resolution, a way to make things work. if hotch was one thing to go off of, what they had was as real as love could possibly get, a love only the luckiest of people can encounter. you found yourself wishing that someday, someone would look at you the way hotch looked at haley.

as you tried to sleep at night, this memory blocked any possibility of sleeping.

you hurt for their family of three, despite not knowing any of them very well. again, you've only encountered haley, but found yourself wishing you had gotten to know her. maybe it would help you understand.

jack; he's always been polite to you, in the few times you had seen him. you hoped it wouldn't take long for the liveliness to enter him again, if it was gone. he was too young.

but hotch, you found yourself hurting for him the most.

maybe it was because you had witnessed such a moment between him and haley. part of you felt guilty for it, as it wasn't your moment to take. but your heart ached for him; you were aching for his aching heart. you couldn't imagine how he must've felt; the aftermath he had no choice but to face.

she had been the one for him. the one. from what you've been told, she was his high school sweetheart, the one he pictured himself being with forever. they had agreed; through sickness and in health, til death do we part. when they stood there and vowed that very thing, they had no idea. no idea that parting would come sooner as opposed to later, in the most horrific way imaginable.

you would never forget the sight of him, crumbled on the ground as derek pulled him away from foyet. it was a foreign sight to see, hotch at his breaking point. part of you thought that maybe, he wasn't capable of breaking.

you knew you weren't the only one- worried about him. the entirety of the team was, and rightfully so. everyone was trying to figure out how to navigate this- how to best help him. but hotch was, well, hotch. he didn't seem like the person who accepted help, even if he needed it. it was an unspoken agreement between everyone, the best way to help was give him space, as much as you disliked it. he's always been kind to you, to everyone, granting assistance and more whenever needed- no matter what the situation entailed. didn't he deserve the same? didn't he need the same?

you couldn't shake the uneasiness in your chest, it was a different kind of feeling, and it was buried within you. it didn't want to resurface, but it was making its presence evidently known.

you didn't even know hotch that well; you barely knew him. so why?

whatever it was, it kept you up at night, tossing and turning until the sun was peeking over the horizon, announcing a new day. recently, the sunrise has lost its beauty, you found it rather mocking.

another day full of unknowns was about to begin.

-

"hey," you offered penelope a weak smile as you entered the bullpen, stifling a yawn. "morning."

"here sunshine," penelope handed her own cup of coffee over to you without a second thought. "you look like you need this way more than i do."

you graciously accepted, breathing in it's sweet aroma as you began to head to your desk, "this better do the trick. i could fall asleep standing up right now, honestly."

"oh, believe me, it will," penelope chucked softly, linking her arm with yours as she walked alongside you. "there's about four espresso-"

"wait," you interrupted as you stopped in your tracks, your gaze locked in front of you. "hotch is back?"

sure enough the door to his office was open, the lights on. the blinds were still drawn, but you could make out his silhouette behind them, seated at his desk. no, it was too soon.

"he's back." she confirmed, a sigh escaping her lips. "he got here about an hour ago.

"but it's been..." you stammered, shaking your head as you voiced your thoughts. "it's too soon."

"good luck telling him that," penelope's voice lowered softly, a sorrowfulness falling overtop, "but maybe, this is just what he needs."

silence fell overtop of you, your mind spinning. the past few days, what had happened was the talk of the bullpen, meaning everyone's opinions were surfacing. some believed hotch wouldn't come back, on account of jack. some believed he would at some point, in a matter of months, maybe even years. it was common knowledge that strauss had gone to talk to him, but the outcome of the conversation was unknown. would she tell him not to come back? would she convince him not to if he were merely questioning it?

it didn't make sense, but it made complete sense. of course, he would return. this was him, this was who he was. but you couldn't bring yourself to understand.

"is he okay?" you quietly wondered aloud, your voice being nearly drowned out by all the other sounds in the room. you knew she wouldn't have the answer, no one did, except the person you were referring to. and what did he believe? did he even think he was? was he actually ever going to be?

"i don't know, i really don't." she sighed, "but... he and haley were separated for a while, maybe... i don't know. maybe he doesn't need much time."

the spitting image of hotch gazing at haley filled your mind, almost taking you by surprise from the abruptness.

you could only shake your head at penelope's words, placing your belongings down.

no, you didn't believe that for a second. you refused to.

[princessfoothings]

I'm suspicious about Geoffrey's death. It's implied that he was shot by a gun, but that would leave a pretty large hole in his body, and it's odd that that wasn't mentioned. Tula doesn't know what killed him, and I suppose she could be referring to who did it, but to be so vague about it when he presumably had a large gaping hole in his chest is strange.

Why would anyone be shooting at a stoat anyway? If someone was hunting, that makes sense, but then wouldn't they come for the body?

And then it hit me—what if they did come for the body, and Tula was still there? That's how the mysteriously ominous thing happened to her.

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Fuck. | {TanZen/NezuZen}

Theme: ANGST

Note: Basically Zenitsu x the Kamado siblings

Bc why not  but it can be taken platonically iyw

Too lazy to find a pic w/ all three of them

TW: death

this went way longer than intended (and kinda went off course-)

×××

"Nezukooo!" Tanjiro said, pulling Zenitsu's hand as he walked through the dense forest. He wasn't in the best condition so his sense of smell was faltering, making him unsure of himself and where he was going. Zenitsu was whining about how hard the mission had been, which wasn't very helpful. "Nezuko! Where are youu!"

Nezuko had run off to protect what was left of the people a while ago and hadn't come back yet, much to Tanjiro and Zenitsu's concern—Inosuke had a solo mission somewhere else. And so now they wandered about in the vague direction of where she'd been, going off only by where the smell of blood was strongest. 

Eventually, Tanjiro spotted Nezuko up ahead, standing behind a large bush. 

"I found her!" Tanjiro said, tugging on Zenitsu who hesitantly followed him towards Nezuko.

"Hey, Nezuko, are you alright?" Tanjiro fretted, moving the bush aside. 

She was covered in blood, still turned around, and was frozen. 

"Nezuko?"

Zenitsu looked over Tanjiro's shoulder. "Nezuko?" he repeated. 

Nezuko turned shakily, her eyes flicking from Tanjiro to Zenitsu and down to her hands. Her bamboo had been cast aside at one point. There was something off about her, besides her strange actions, and it took Tanjiro a second to place it. But when he did, he stumbled backwards, nearly falling against Zenitsu.

"Fuck," he mumbled. It was the first time he'd ever sworn, and Zenitsu flinched, holdig Tanjiro up as his eyes took in the scene displayed in front of him.

Nezuko's mouth had blood in and on it, the dark red staining her face. And it wasn't her own. There were people at her feet, but if they had died because of her or a demon, it no longer was important. What was was that she had eaten one. And there was no turning back now.

Zenitsu, who had come to the conclusion, had gone silent, gripping tightly onto Tanjiro's haori. 

"What're you going to do?" he whispered, hiding behind him.

"I..." Tanjiro bit his lip, remembering what Urokodaki had told him. If she ever ate a human, he was to kill her and then himself. He unsheathed his katana swiftly, holding it tightly in his hands in front of him, gripping onto the handle tightly to stop the shaking of his arms. "I have to kill her."

Zenitsu sucked in his breath. "What?! But..." he started, his voice trailing off. But what?! There were no 'but's'. It was too late.

Nezuko backed away slightly, the katana pointed at her. She dropped her hands to the side, the crazed look in her eye seemingly falling apart, defeat replacing her features. 

"I'm sorry," Tanjiro murmured. "But I have to do this, Nezuko." 

Nezuko's eyes met his and they shared one final gaze before Tanjiro stepped forward, cutting her head off in one motion.

She toppled backwards as her body began to disintigrate.

Zenitsu burst into a fit of sobs, clutching onto Tanjiro as he re-sheathed his katana, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"NEZUKOOO!!!" Zenitsu cried, dropping to his knees and collecting her bloodied kimono that had crumpled into itself as her body disappeared. 

Tanjiro pursed his lips, willing himself not to cry. "Zenitsu."

Zenitsu turned at his name, tears still pouring down his cheeks. 

"Huh..?"

"I need you to kill me, now," Tanjiro said quietly. 

"WHAT?! NO!!! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!" Zenitsu screamed. 

"I did. I promised Nezuko wouldn't eat anyone. And if she were to, me, Urokodaki-sensei, and... Tomioka-San... would have to die with her," he murmured. He looked down. "Please."

"But... But-" Zenitsu tried, getting up and shaking Tanjiro by the shoulders. "I don't want you to die, too!!!" 

"I'm... I'm sorry," Tanjiro said, his voice tense. "Would you rather I did it myself..?"

Zenitsu paused, then shook his head rapidly, harshly. "NO!! You'd have to... to suffer a lot, then," he said, hugging Tanjiro tightly. "Please no..."

Tanjiro nodded. "Then... do it for me?"

"I can't... I can't live with that," Zenitsu whispered.

"Please. I ask you to. I can die where Nezuko did, too," Tanjiro said quietly. "Please, Zenitsu. A crow will go to inform Giyuu-San and Urokodaki-sensei, you must make sure they know after I die. And take care of Inosuke for me, okay?"

Zenitsu shook his head again, tightening his grip around Tanjiro in his desperation. "You can't do anything else?? I don't... don't want you to die."

"Please," Tanjiro pleaded, the tears finally leaking from his eyes. They made a streak down his face, drawing down the dirt and blood that had gotten on him during his mission. He placed the box he used to hold Nezuko in on the ground and took off his haori, handing it to Zenitsu. "You can use my katana, if you want..."

Zenitsu's bottom lip trembled and he took the haori with shaking hands. "Tanjiro... Tanjiro, I can't do this, I can't..."

"If you have the chance to speak to Giyuu-San, tell him that I am sorry for causing him so much trouble," Tanijro interrupted, pressing his sheathed katana into Zenitsu's hands. "Do it now, Zenitsu. Please."

Zenitsu's hand closed tightly around the katana handle, letting the sheath fall to the ground. "I love you, Tanjiro," he murmured.

Tanjiro gave him a sad smile, stepping back to give Zenitsu more room. "I believe in you, Zenitsu. I believe you can do amazing things, do not let any of this affect you."

"...I can't promise that," Zenitsu whispered, dropping Tanjiro's haori on top of Nezuko's box and lifting the katana. 

"Then promise me to just do your best," Tanjiro said, closing his eyes and standing still.

"I promise I will always love both you and Nezuko," Zenitsu said, after a beat. He didn't wait for a response, aiming carefully before shutting his eyes as the katana swung through the air, hitting its mark. There was the sound of the blade going through flesh, and then the toppling of Tanjiro's head. 

Zenitsu willed himself not to open his eyes as he dropped the katana, grabbing blindly at the box and Tanjiro's haori, Nezuko's kimono. He turned and fled, opening his eyes as he ran, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

God, what had he done...

×××

A crow arrived to Giyuu with a message that would end his life. Literally.

"Tanjiro... What? Nezuko?" Giyuu asked the frantic crow, trying to keep up.

"Caw!! Tanjiro Kamado, Nezuko Kamado are dead!! Nezuko Kamado has eaten a human!!" the crow squawked, flapping its wings in its panic. 

Shock flashed through Giyuu's expression for a beat before he supressed it, letting out a breath. "I see." He would have to commit seppuku, then. "How did Tanjiro die? Did he kill himself?" Giyuu asked quietly. If so, Tanjiro died in great pain.

"No! No! Zenitsu Agatsuma beheaded him! Tanjiro ordered him to!" the crow said, looking saddened by the thought.

"Agats-? His friend?" Giyuu asked, frowning. That must've been...

"Yes!!" the crow said. 

"Ah. Well, if you will excuse me," Giyuu murmured, "I must tell Master."

"He knows! He knows! He wants to call you and the other Hashira there!! You must arrive in an hour!" the crow informed him.

Giyuu glared at it. "You should've told me that first."

"...Apologies!!"

He sighed, turning towards his front door. "Very well."

×××

The Hashira had gathered in front of the porch of the Ubuyashiki Estate, quiet and unsure why they had been summoned for the third time that year to their Master's mansion—having already went through both of the biannual meetings that year.

Then, of course, they noticed Giyuu, who was, once again, seperated from the rest. He looked fidgetty today, though, his hands closing and opening upon his katana handle that potruded from his belt. As if he was itching to grab it, pull it out of it's sheath and...?

Kagaya arrived, finally, and the Hashira all dipped into a bow as one, several murmuring a greeting as he sat.

"Hello children. Now, as I'm sure many of you are wondering, I will explain. First, however, I must introduce to the ones of you who yet do not know him, Zenitsu," Kagaya said, waving a hand to his side where Zenitsu appeared, shuffling across the wooden floor, looking absolutely terrified.

"Eh?" Mitsuri said, tilting her head. 

Zenitsu looked down. He looked a mess, as if he had been crying earlier but had rushed to try to appear fit to present himself, but failing.

"Is he okay?" Mitsuri asked, frowning. 

Kagaya nodded. "He was at the scene, and got involved."

"Of what?" Sanemi asked.

Shinobu smacked his arm, glaring at him. "Let Master talk."

Kagaya waited a beat, before continuing. "Tanjiro Kamado and Nezuko Kamado have died."

Zenitsu flinched.

"Of course they did," Sanemi hissed, under his breath.

"How so?" Kyojuro said curiously, eyeing Zenitsu. "And how did the boy get involved?"

Tengen was frowning, staring at Giyuu who seemed to have no reaction. "Tomioka. Did you know, already?" he asked, sensing no sort of shock from the man.

Giyuu nodded. 

Sanemi raised an eyebrow. "What, then?"

Zenitsu backed away slightly, feeling pressured.

Kagaya lifted a hand up, silencing the Hashira. "They have died because"—he paused—"Nezuko attacked a human."

A collective murmur rippled across the Hashira. 

"I told you she was not to be trusted." Sanemi's voice was loud, gaining him a couple glares.

Kagaya sighed. "I am aware, Sanemi. And I apologize deeply for the inconveniences."

"May I ask something?" Gyomei said, after a moment.

"Yes, Gyomei."

"The consequences to her demonic actions were of death to several people, yes?" Gyomei said. 

"Indeed," Kagaya agreed.

Giyuu looked down.

"So, Tomioka's dying?" Sanemi asked bluntly.

"I am," Giyuu murmured. "I was planning on doing it before I knew that the meeting was to transpire. The crow almost forgot to tell me."

"Ah, yes," Kagaya said quietly. "I am glad that he was able to convey you the information before then."

Zenitsu spoke up now, his voice shaky as the attention turned to him. "Uhm... Tomioka?"

Giyuu looked up. 

"Uhm..." Zenitsu's voice faltered.

"Hurry up," Sanemi snapped.

Zenitsu flinched. Shinobu gave Sanemi a disapproving look.

"Tanjiro... he... He told me to tell you that... He told me before he died. Uhm. He told me that he was sorry for causing you so much trouble. I... He..." Zenitsu shook his head, backing into the shadowed part of the room.

"Oh." Giyuu blinked. "He didn't have to be sorry."

Sanemi scoffed. "He just lost us a Hashira, yes he did."

Giyuu frowned, but said nothing.

"Don't say that!" Zenitsu snapped, suddenly, as tears welled up in his eyes again. One of the Ubuyashiki children went to his side, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "Tanjiro died for Nezuko! He... he made... He went through with it and didn't hesitate, even after knowing what he had to do. He... He killed her and... and then..."

"Himself?" Sanemi guessed, raising an eyebrow.

"Sanemi..." Kagaya warned.

"Apologies," he murmured.

"No," Zenitsu whispered. "He told me to kill him."

Mitsuri gasped. "Oh no...!"

Zenitsu bit his lip. "He made me do it with his katana."

Sanemi went silent, no longer having anything to say.

Shinobu sighed. "Are you alright?" she asked quietly.

Zenitsu didn't answer, stumbling backwards and hitting the wall.

Kagaya frowned. "Children, take Zenitsu to Amane. She can help."

The children nodded, standing from either side of their father and hurrying to help Zenitsu leave.

"I'm afraid he will need some time," Kagaya murmured. "Ah, and to the topic of Giyuu."

Giyuu stood. "Yes, I'm aware what I—and Urokodaki-sen... Urokodaki—have to do. I can do it alone, Master."

Kagaya frowned. "Alone you would suffer."

"I'm aware," Giyuu repeated. "But I needn't burden anyone as Agatsuma had been with the guilt."

Kagaya gave him a smile, one with sorrow written between the lines. "Very well," he said quietly. "Will you not agree to any other arrangement?"

"No," Giyuu said.

"Then be it your way."

"What about the... 'Urokodaki?'" Tengen asked.

"A crow has been sent to him with the information," Kagaya informed him.

"I'll go to him," Giyuu said.

"Why?" Sanemi asked.

"So any pain isn't prolonged."

"You just offered yourself to be in pain," Sanemi said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

×××

The meeting had ended and Giyuu left, heading to the mountains he'd told himself not to visit as they held memories he wished to not uncover.

As he ran, he found himself wondering how he actually felt about all of this. Yes, he was saddened by the thought of Tanjiro's death, but it had been inevitable as Nezuko had attacked a human. And then there was his own, and his past mentor's, soon-to-be deaths as well. He didn't know how to feel about it.

He arrived at Urokodaki's place and knocked.

The door opened and Urokodaki stared at Giyuu who was now just a bit taller than him, such a contrast to before.

"Hello," Giyuu murmured. "You got the crow?"

Urokodaki nodded slowly. "What have you come for?" he asked, opening the door and letting him in.

"I was going to make your death quick," Giyuu said quietly. 

"And live with the fact that you killed me? It would be alright if I did it otherwise," Urokodaki murmured. 

"I would be dying soon enough. It's alright," the younger man said, nodding slightly.

"Hm. Fair enough. But for you? How are you...?" Urokodaki asked, his question faltering.

"The other way," Giyuu replied, no sort of emotion written on his face.

"But-"

"Would you like to do anything before we go on with this?" he interrupted. 

Urokodaki sighed. "I don't think so."

"Then... where?"

"Outside," he said, walking through the house to the back.

Giyuu followed him, memories resurfacing as he went through the familiar halls. They went out the back door to the clearing Giyuu and Sabito used to train in day after day before Final Selection.

"Here?" Giyuu asked. 

"Yes," Urokodaki said, settling himself down in the middle. 

Giyuu nodded, taking out his katana.

Urokodaki waited, his hands upon his lap as if he was not awaiting death. 

Giyuu was quick, turning away as his mentor's head toppled down, his body lifeless now. He let out a shaky breath before heading around the house, moving quickly.

When he arrived home, he quickly put Kanzaburou—who had been on his shoulder—down onto the ground. 

"Kanza," he murmured.

Kanzaburou tilted his head curiously. "Master? Master Giyuu?"

"Yes. You can fly now. Go off wherever you want, take care of yourself, okay?" Giyuu ordered, patting his crow's head.

"Wha? What?" Kanzaburou asked, confused.

"Don't question it. Just... go. I'll... see you soon," Giyuu whispered, petting Kanzaburou's feathers.

"Okay!" Kanzaburou squawked, lifting off into the sky. He hovered for a beat, his wings flapping furiously, and turned to stare at Giyuu. "See you later? Later?"

Giyuu nodded. "Later."

"Okay! Bye! See you later! Giyuu!" Kanzaburou said, flying off. Giyuu watched until he could no longer see him, then turned to his house. 

He would do it in the back, as Urokodaki had done. 

He walked inside his house, taking off his haori and folding it neatly. He placed it next to his futon, patting it gently. "I'll see you two soon," he said quietly. 

He stood, walked to the back, and opened the door. He closed it behind him, stepping down onto the ground. He knelt upon the dirt and grass, unsheathing his katana. He took a moment before turning the blade in direction of his stomach, slashing twice in an X deeply.

Pain shot through his body and he doubled down, gritting his teeth in an attempt to stop himself from crying out. Warm blood poured upon his arms and legs, staining the ground red. Black spots sparked in his vision and he felt lightheaded. His eyes fluttered shut as he felt his conscious slip away.

×××

« Word count: 2562 »

WAHAHAHHAHAHSOKMNOFEbuonivmkwLF i'm not okay. 

I was debating whether or not I should do Inosuke's reaction to this, but I decided against it since... since I have way too much homework and uhm this is too long and drawn out like idk why i wrote half of what i did 😭

[abyssmalice]

As her not-fiance, Freminet has a duty to continue ensuring that his would be not-engaged partner is happy. Hence, on this day, Tonia will find the diver hiding behind his helmet as he held out an exceptionally pretty fully-bloomed Romaritime flower picked specially for her.

Ever since the fake marriage fiasco from a while back—nothing has changed.

At least, to Tonia, nothing's changed.

Why would it? It was a wild plan drafted to avoid an even wilder scenario. And she was explicit on it being a false arrangement, temporary if it was ever executed. Sure, at the time, she had already gone ahead on making preparations and dragging Freminet into it without much further say - it was time-sensitive after all! - so, it would understandably be a lot to process afterwards...

But that's a problem for everyone else besides Tonia so yeah, nothing's changed at all!!

As such, today, nothing strikes out as odd to the girl besides a mild confusion.

When she had meandered off from her paperwork to find Freminet and play with him - maybe they could go buy a bunch of sweets in Fontaine's bakeries? - strangely enough, he wasn't in the usual places that she would find him. In fact, as far as the House was concerned, he was absent from the city entirely. A mission? Unlikely, they informed her; their Father had no pressing tasks for them to undertake.

(Any other tasks? Sorry, Lady Harbinger, some matters are confidential even between fellow Harbingers. Tonia had puffed her cheeks and pouted a bit, but otherwise didn't press it. Whatever. Her business is with their resident diver, not some boring Fatooey operation that she isn't overseeing anyway.)

In any case, it left Tonia with a puzzled frown as she left the capitol to trace his steps. Last anyone heard, he had gone somewhere in the direction of Romaritime Harbor. So, ideally, she'd find him there, or otherwise, she thought he might have gone diving in the waters en route or surrounding the edge-side port—

She reacts to the footsteps faster than she acknowledges them, sharply spinning around to face whoever was approaching her, half on guard out of instinct - only to come to an equally sharp pause, blinking blankly at the faceless face of Freminet's diving helmet.

"Wha..." One more blink, before she relaxes her stance and turns to face the boy properly. "Sheesh, there you are, Freminet! You know I've been looking all ove—"

Another blink, and she finally notices the soft blue-pink bloom being held up at her. A Romaritime flower, though it didn't resemble the paler, budded flowers that normally dotted the region. This one... was in full bloom, radiating the faintest whispers of Hydro, as the flower only would under a burst of such pure energy - Tonia remembers being informed in passing that a mere splash of water wouldn't work, so even in the nation of Hydro itself, finding a naturally-blooming Romaritime flower could take a while.

Huh. Tonia tilts her head a bit, just the slightest.

"Don't tell me you disappeared just to go find this?" Her words are a dismissive selection, but her tone is more curious than anything. She looks between the boy and the flower, still being held as if in offering, as the puzzlement sinks a little deeper. "Are you... giving this to me?"

Well, it's looking more and more the case. With an uncertainty Tonia rarely has, she slowly reaches out, pausing a bit just to look at Freminet in the eyes - or where approximately his eyes would be, under that helmet; hopefully she's not staring too hard at his nose or something - for confirmation that she can actually take it, before her fingers loop around the stem and gingerly take the flower from him.

"Um. Thanks?" Still a touch confused, Tonia continues looking up and down between Freminet and the flower. Closer in hand, it's a particularly pretty flower when blooming, petals slightly luminescent, and its rounded edges vaguely reminded her of slimes in some distant sense.

Just that thought alone makes her gain quite the liking for the flower, though yes, its beauty is also rather appealing - just, not as appealing or even interesting as the mental association of the flower and slimes, for her. Regardless, she still has no clue why she was given one, nor what to particularly say about getting such a nice flower out of the blue...

"It's pretty," she says in the end, for lack of anything better, her fingers absently twirling the bloom around. "Though I would've thought you would rather spend your free time looking at all the fish underwater, or collecting pretty stuff from down there, rather than flowers on land..."

She pauses, something coming to mind, clicking into the imaginary jigsaw in her head. "—Oh, I see. I get it now! The point is that—you are trying to collect things today. Flowers! To give away to people? I see how it is. That's a little weird, but it's also just like you to do that, I think."

Tonia nods agreeably to her own grand conclusion, a smile pulling on her lips from interest and pleased bemusement alike. "If that's the case, I'll help you find some nice flowers too - maybe even nicer ones! I'm sure everyone at the House would appreciate the gesture. Though we should probably save the nicest ones for Lyney and Lynette—or, actually, what if they just use it as a prop for their magic tricks..."

As she thinks and rambles on, the girl tries to free her hands by finding a good place to keep the flower she got from the diver - her pockets not being roomy enough, she eventually decides to tuck it into her hair, spending a second to secure it behind her ear. Once done, she grabs one of the boy's hands and begins to tug him along.

"Let's go, Freminet! We don't have all day, and you have a lot of siblings in the House, so we've got a lot to collect! Don't worry about finding blooming ones - I have a few tricks up my sleeve to make any flower bloom, so just pick the ones you like." A small giggle slips from her as she grins at him, somewhat excited, somewhat mischievous, and definitely intending to have some sort of fun out of all this.

At least, she always thinks spending time with Freminet is fun.

[sanctaignorantia]

It's so strange how Marius speaks of Avicus and Mael as his inseparable companions in a sense that his existence might be meaningless if he lost them, but then Marius meets Zenobia and suddenly the narrative goes on with him only touching on the names of Avicus and Zenobia as if Mael never existed. As much as the two of them had disagreements, it seemed to me that Marius was mature enough to have gotten over it while the three of them were together...

Marius' "love" for me seems to be limited to those with whom he can have a master and disciple dynamic, anything less is totally disposable for him. When Zenobia appears and becomes his pupil, she automatically becomes a love in his life, capable of erasing Mael and any forgiveness or amends that may have been made between them...

And then Botticelli appears and becomes his obsession with the paintings he can offer. When Bianca appears, she reminds him of the paintings, of Pandora... When Andrei appears, he reminds him of Christ, of his ancient Rome and the infinite possibilities... Marius doesn't love anyone, Marius loves what creatures can offer him, or what creatures can make him remember. Marius loves only the past that no longer exists.

And so this may sound a little hypocritical when we look at the vampires of this universe, so attached to the past and those they have lost or that which is no longer coming back... The feeling of nostalgia, longing, what is now missing... But I don't know.

Maybe if we look at everything with the impression that their actions are just desperate attempts to replace what they've lost, full of pain and trauma, then what wouldn't be left?

I mean, is that what humanity boils down to when these vampire monsters are so human? Do we perpetuate this tireless quest to replace what we lack?

Does Lestat do this with Louis? Does he seek in Louis what he has lost and seek in Louis ONLY what Louis can offer him in a sense of making up for what is missing? Armand does the same thing with Louis and then with Daniel? That hurts. It hurts to think that it's vague and empty since it's all a matter of convenience to just ease the pain that the monster feels.

What sometimes makes me despair about these books, especially in the early books, is this idea of love and how love is placed. Love as a whole in its essence and thinking about it makes me desperate. I don't like love because I don't know how to love things, I don't know how to love myself, I don't know how to recognize love. So I read and see this love portrayed here and it doesn't help me at all!

We have a song in Umbanda that goes like this:

"Every illness is curable, oh my God, only love isn't."

Does anyone have anything to say about it?

Am I crazy? Did I get it wrong?

[where-theres-smoak-2]

I'm a ship and let ship kind of girl but one thing that does grind my gears a bit is those antis who deliberately tag there anti sylki posts in the sylki tag. I have got way too many newly blocked accounts since the finale its kind of disheartening and also annoying, its not that hard to probably tag your posts.

But anyway there were quite a few posts of antis gloating about a couple of interviews that Sophia did and claiming that she hates the sylki ship so I figure ok lets talk about these interviews. Here's the first one:

First off the part saying Sophia isn't super into the idea of sylki as a couple isn't a direct quote from Sophia, so this could be the interviewer paraphrasing or it could be the interviewers interpretation on Sophia's comments, either as its not a direct quote and I don't know what the context is I am taking that part with a whole handful of salt and disregarding it.

What Sophia did say was that sylki is weird because they variants of the same person and also that with everything they have gone through the relationship is complicated. It seems like antis saw the word weird and went oh bad, she must mean she hates them but when you actually look at the definition of the word weird it doesn't necessarily mean something bad. The definition from Cambridge dictionary is: very strange and unusual, unexpected, or not natural. The Merriam-Webster definition is: of strange or extraordinary character, of, relating to, or caused by witchcraft or the supernatural. Which lets be honest fits Sylki, they are unusual, strange, unexpected, extraordinary and you could argue with the whole variant thing its got that supernatural element to it as well. I mean them being weird is what makes them fun and entertaining to watch so honestly I'm not mad that she said they were weird.

Another thing to bear in mind is that we don't know the question that goes with this answer for all we know it could have been a very leading question like don't you think its weird they are both variants of the same person, or what do you think of shipping in general, we don't know so we don't have a whole lot of context even with her direct quote. But to me Sophia's answer just seems to be your standard diplomatic, vague, non-committal answer that most actors give when asked about ships which is I like my character and I want the best for them. Sadly we live in a world now where actors have to be very careful and ambiguous when talking about ships because if they say something that upsets one side they may get sent hate, from what I've heard Sophia has already been sent death threats and had other hate hurled at her so it would make sense to me that she wouldn't want to give anything but vague answers to any questions about ships.

But say Sophia really isn't that into Sylki as a romantic pairing, so what? She's allowed to like or dislike a pairing on a tv show just like anyone else, even if she's playing one half of the pairing. She wouldn't be the first actor to dislike a ship they are a part of or to prefer a different pairing for their character. She's a person like everyone else and she's allowed to have likes and dislikes and her own opinions. But trying to argue that the Sylki ship is dead because Sophia may or may not (seeing as this interview doesn't confirm either way) like the ship is absurd to me. Especially as we've already had the head writer and producer of the show confirm that they are canon and that it was their romance that was driving the show. Seeing as they are the ones that write the show and decides what happens, I think I'm ok if Sophia thinks the ship is weird somehow. Now if the producer of the show said that they didn't intend for my ship to be romantic and wrote them as just friends I might be upset and think my ship was dead. Luckily for me that isn't the case.

The other interview I've seen antis throwing about as evidence that Sophia hates the ship is this one where she is talking about their kiss:

This one just baffles me even more. Personally I just don't understand how someone reads this and jumps to she hates the ship and the ship is dead. They were the ones saying the kiss was nothing but a trick, a distraction. Now here we've got Sophia saying the same thing Sylki shippers were saying which is the kiss was more of a good bye kiss. Honestly I love what she said about how it was a thank you and a good bye, it showed how much of an impact Loki made on her, heartbreakingly though it just wasn't enough to break through that need to complete her mission. To be fair this mission was something that had fuelled her throughout her entire life, that pain and those scars left from HWR and the TVA run too deep, really she needed alot more time with Loki before being able to choose him over that mission, maybe if they had more time together before facing HWR it would have gone differently but sadly we'll never know. Sophia recently said in another interview that there is an unspoken agreement between Sylki that they can't kill each other. Which is what makes this moment so tragically beautiful in a way, she knows she can't let her mission go, but she also knows that he won't let her kill HWR, and she also knows that she can't kill Loki so in her eyes her only option was to push him through that time door. She knows that will break their relationship so she just wants one kiss, one moment to say thank you and to say goodbye. Sorry but this isn't what a dead ship looks like to me. A slightly broken one maybe but not dead.

Ok so this is off topic but its something I am curious about. This is more to do with what I saw in the main Loki tag so unrelated to the antis mis-tagging their hate posts, I don't want to lump regular Loki/mobius shippers in with them. But I saw some posts talking about there being a track named L*kius and some shippers felt they had been baited because there was a track on the official sound track with their ship name but the producers were saying it was meant as a friendship and even I thought that was an odd choice on the Loki teams part, but then I've just been listening to the official soundtrack by Natalie Holt, its as amazing as last seasons by the way so if you get the chance I would recommend checking it out, but there is no track on there with that name. I checked the official track list titles as well and I'm not seeing it. So what happened there, was someone trolling that fandom? In which case not cool, or was it just misinformation that was spread, I'm very confused because there were screenshots that looked legit. Saying that I was listening to an epic cover of the track titled Ascension on the official soundtrack pre-release and they had named it glorious purpose seeing as the official name of the track hadn't been released yet, so maybe this was the same situation? It was just a placeholder name by whoever uploaded it? I never listened to the one with the ship name that was being posted about in the main tag so I am curious as to whether it is a track on the official soundtrack but now has a different name?

So wrapping it up, those are my thoughts on Sophia's interviews, the official soundtrack for season 2 is amazing and everyone should go listen to it and ship whatever you like but please, please can people tag their posts correctly because my finger is starting to ache from constantly hitting the block button.

[the-way-astray]

From your rant:

“‘Ella!’ Sophie buried her face between the floppy ears, ignoring Keefe’s snickers.” Imagine laughing at your supposed friend (and crush) during an emotionally and physically devastating recovery period because you found it funny that she sleeps with a stuffed animal.

I found this one particularly striking, probably because he's supposed to be an empath but just IS NOT EMPATHETIC (in the human sense) AT ALL. But then, none of the canon empaths are actually. I feel like if the disposition of the empaths (and the difference between human and elvin empathy) was brought to light in canon, I'd hate Keefe a lot less.

not gonna lie, this confused me a bit. so i think you're trying to say that if the distinction between the elvin ability empathy and the human meaning of the word "empath" was made clearer, you'd hate keefe less? but i don't know, in my opinion it's made pretty clear.

our concept of empathy is just that: a concept. it's kind of vague and abstract. in kotlc, empathy is very rigidly defined, and it's a real power to literally feel other people's emotions. there's also the fact that you really don't have to be an empath (in the human sense) to be a good person, your sense of morality can be based in things that don't revolve trying to understand someone else's feelings.

so the canon empaths are stina, cassius, keefe, oralie, and vespera. we only see the "mean girl" side of stina (except in legacy), so yeah, i wouldn't say she demonstrates a lot of human-concept empathy on-page. cassius has literally noted that his view of emotions is warped and slightly messed up. vespera literally went numb. oralie demonstrates mostly only use of her literal elvin ability empathy from what i can see, but when she does that she does seem to be able to empathize (human concept) with people.

so that leaves keefe. and i have to agree there, he doesn't demonstrate a lot of human-concept empathy, even though he can literally read emotions. that's not really what makes him a jerkish guy, in my opinion. what makes him an asshole in this scene is that he's laughing at sophie for doing something he perceives as lame while she's recovering from a very devastating incident and clearly finds comfort in said supposedly lame thing. sophie also clearly heard this, and has to ignore him.

you could make the argument that since keefe can feel sophie's emotions, he should've known exactly how comforting ella is for sophie. and that itself should've stopped him from being so weird about ella. i think what makes this one particularly annoying to me is that sophie had just gone though it, you know? and he knew that. arguably better than anyone else, given his (elvin ability) empathy.

so i don't know, this one's a bit iffy, but i (personally) feel like the problem isn't really with his empathy or lack thereof, but more so with his tendency to dismiss certain things if he personally finds them strange or funny.

[creatureshrieks]

What was she? An amalgamation of long-dead hopes, of dreams and desires. The Mary he wanted, the Mary she wanted. A truth she had refused to accept and unwilling to admit to herself or, perhaps, a truth she could not yet accept. Perhaps it wasn't the time for her to accept this fact about herself because to admit what she was, to admit that she was not real would dismantle her to her very core. She was real. She was Maria. She was Maria. She was dancer at Heaven's Night. She was alone and she was afraid and she was warm. She could hear her own breathing, she could hear the sound of her own heart. She was real. So very, very real.

At his questions Maria narrows her eyes, that half-way reassuring and half-way unsettling smile on her face falling ever so slightly. She tilts her head, as if his questions confused her.

" I was born here, James. "

To her, this was a truth. Of course she was born here. She was real, after all. She could remember it, partially, some foggy, vague memories of a life once lived.

" I have a better reason for being here than you anyway. Didn't you say your wife was dead and yet you're here trying to find her? "

That wouldn't make sense to anyone, now, would it? Three years ago, right? Isn't that how long she was dead and buried for? At least she was born here. It made sense for her to be here. Regardless, that reply was a little cruel.

" Do you want me to just run off on my own? There's monsters out there that want to kill us and I don't want to be alone here. Is that so strange? Do you want to be alone?

@punishdsin || cont.

[yuriskies]

I would like to float Michael Swanwick's 1999 Hugo Award winning short story "The Very Pulse of the Machine" as an ur-example of Miyazawan yuri. For me it has a very similar vibe to the sci-fi/landscape elements of Otherside Picnic, and I think fans of that might be interested in reading it. More below the break in case you want to go in without spoilers. Read it! It's good!

So like, brief summary in case you didn't read it, Martha and Juliet are the first humans to land on Io, and the story picks up immediately after a catastrophic rover crash that has killed Juliet and left Martha in an extreme survival situation. With a limited amount of air, Martha has to trudge across the hostile landscape of Io's surface. As she uses on methamphetamine to make the trip, Martha begins seeing ethereal visions and Juliet's corpse quotes poetry and hints at a vast machine-like intelligence inhabiting the moon's sulfur deposits.

The Very Pulse of the Machine is strange and defies any easy story categorization. I definitely wouldn't call it a "true" yuri SF, but there are aspects that I twigged on that resonate with Iori Miyazawa's aesthetic. There isn't a romantic relationship between Martha and Juliet, but little aspects of the narration hint at something complex and ill-defined between them.

The story plays around with a sense of finality between the two - how much of Juliet's speech is Martha's drug-addled memories of Juliet quoting poetry verses, the reanimated thoughts of the dead, or the machine-like intelligence attempting to communicate through Juliet's knowledge is kept intentionally vague. It becomes the springboard for Swanwick to explore Martha's sense of loss, feelings of social inadequacy, and her desperate struggle to keep self-serving dreams and reality separate really resonate with what Miyazawa was calling "yuri of absence".

I think there are also aspects to this story that also illustrate what Miyazawa meant when he said landscapes are inherently yuri. The version of Io in The Very Pulse of the Machine is ethereal as hell - volcanic plumes and twisting magnetic fields illuminate its sky, while sulfur dioxide flowers bloom from its surface in between stygian lakes of molten sulfur and sulfur dioxide vent blizzards. There's this wonderful moment where Martha sees triboelectric discharges illuminating Juliet's body and tapping at her feet, and for a moment the text leaves you to wonder if it's an ancient, lonely machine yearning for contact reaching out to connect with them both.

Also just gotta say that until I go to the grave I will consider the end high-class yuri, no matter what anyone tells me.

[kenjakusbrainstem]

Double Trouble (Mahito x Kenjaku x Mahito)

Happy almost halloween, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this idea for a while and was finally inspired enough to write it. Hopefully it is enjoyable, reblogs and replies are appreciated if you enjoy! Thank you!

Stepping into the beach domain, Kenjaku was surprised to see Mahito standing awkwardly near the door. Mahito being in the domain wasn't odd, but he normally was seated on a beach chair reading.

Before Kenjaku even had the chance to greet him, Mahito quickly stepped up to his side. The sight reminded him of an over eager pet greeting its owner, making a small smirk creep onto his face at the comparison.

"Geto! You're back just in time!" Mahito exclaimed with glee, once again reminding Kenjaku of a lonely pet. The curse was shifting from foot to foot with either excitement or nervousness.

"What's got you so excited? Did you find another toy to play with?" Kenjaku asked, he wasn't trying to be dismissive of Mahito's excitement. It just so happened that the things that got Mahito this worked up usually involved finding someone new to prey on.

A large grin split Mahito's face, the gleam in his eyes shining with mischievousness.

"No, I learned something new that I can do with my body," Mahito said, the vague answer almost worrying Kenjaku. However the prospect of his curse growing even stronger excited him too.

As he opened his mouth to reply a hand reached out from behind Kenjaku to cover it. Another arm snaking its way around his waist as a weight pressed itself against his back.

Kenjaku stood still at the feeling of familiar arms gripping his body. Enjoying the pout that spread across Mahito's previously excited face.

"Aww~ you won't even pretend to react?" Mahito whined, obviously frustrated with the lack of emotion from Kenjaku. He crossed his arms like a pouting child.

The hand that was covering his mouth slid down to grip his chin.

"Something felt off, I could sense your cursed energy in front and behind me at the same time," Kenjaku explained. While he had noticed the strange energy, he wasn't sure it was really Mahito behind him until he felt the curse's hair brush up against his back. "Besides, you wouldn't try and hurt me, you're smarter than that."

Watching the curse in front of him and feeling the same reaction from behind him was intriguing for Kenjaku. The Mahito in front of him crossed his arms, while the one against his back huffed indignantly.

Mahito dug his nails, sharpened at his will into Kenjaku's face and chin. When the man didn't flinch, Mahito moved his hand to Kenjaku's neck and pulled it back so he could press his lips against the soft flesh.

"I can hurt you, I can hurt anyone," Mahito whispered before biting where neck met shoulder. Teeth slicing cleanly into Kenjaku's flesh, into his soul.

An almost pitiful sounding moan slipped from Kenjaku's lips. Physical pain didn't bother him too much, but the way Mahito knew how to play with the soul excited him. Mahito always kept him entertained in and out of bed, this violent display was no exception.

"Why don't I just use Idle Transfiguration on you right now?" the Mahito before Kenjaku said while the other continued to bite and suck at his neck.

Kenjaku laughed at the threat, they both knew it was a foolish endeavor to try and hurt him.

"If you're serious about threatening me, why not use something you'd actually do?" Kenjaku spoke, confident in his thinking that it would be easier to distract the curse than try and talk him out of whatever he had planned.

Kenjaku brought one of his hands up to press Mahito's head closer to his neck, forcing the curse to sink his teeth deeper into Kenjaku. His other hand wrapped around to grip Mahito's hips, pressing their bodies even closer.

"Why not threaten me for what I've done to you? For how I restrained you? Don't you want to get back at me?" Kenjaku taunted as he ground his ass back into Mahito's hardening cock.

The Mahito standing in front of Kenjaku approached the two, right as the other felt the skin beneath his teeth tear further. The smirk on Kenjaku's face never left even as he felt blood trickle out of his neck and beneath his robes.

Staring into the mismatched eyes ahead of him, Kenjaku's smirk widened as he watched the curse reach an arm out and hold onto his hip. Unsure if it wanted to pull them together or keep him at arms length. His other hand rose to stroke Kenjaku's cheek.

"Is the real you the one with my blood in his mouth? or is your true nature the soft touch in front of me?" Kenjaku already had a feeling he knew which Mahito was the real one, but he couldn't help but try and get a raise out of the curse.

The harsh slap on Kenjaku's cheek was more than enough proof that he'd gotten under the curse's skin. More infuriating to Mahito however was again the lack of reaction from Kenjaku. No change in expression from Kenjaku, just the same smirk plastered on his face.

"Geto!" Mahito whined, "You never let me have what I want."

The curse was pouting. The mouth on Kenjaku's neck now merely licking the would he'd left. All four arms still held him, but now only loosely.

Leaning forward slowly, Kenjaku closed the distance between the two of them, pressing their lips together. The kiss different from ones they'd shared before, neither of them aggressive, just a soft brush of lips.

"You don't know what you want," Kenjaku whispered against Mahito's lips before kissing the curse again.

The arm around his waist tightened as the Mahito pressed against his back wanted more attention. Following Kenjaku's lead, the curse ground himself against Kenjaku's ass, as if her were already desperate to bury himself inside. The hand around his throat slid down, pulling and opening up his robes, exposing more of his neck and shoulder to the curse's lips.

Kenjaku moaned into Mahito's mouth as both of the curse's bodies eagerly removed his robes, Hands scrambling to expose more skin. All Mahito wanted in that moment was to toy with him the way he'd been played with and used.

The fact that Kenjaku wasn't fighting back was surprisingly arousing to both Mahito's forms. He thought he wanted to hold Kenjaku down, but just having a little control over the man was more intense than expected.

The Mahito in front slipped his hands into the robes further, pulling them apart further sloppily as he shoved his tongue into Kenjaku's mouth. His eager kisses dizzying himself as he was having trouble focusing on controlling two bodies.

Mahito knew that no matter how this went, that he wanted to end it deep inside Kenjaku.

Despite this encounter lacking the violence of their usual encounters, Kenjaku was enjoying it. Having all of the curse's focus on him always felt better with more hands and mouths. He wanted to see how hard Mahito would work with two bodies just to take control away from him.

The curse against his back stepped away, only long enough to help fully removed the robes. Kenjaku rarely undressed when they fucked, but Mahito's hatred of clothing wasn't saved just for himself. His excitement got the better of him, ripping the pants Kenjaku wore under his robes accidentally, the cloth tossed aside just like the robes.

"Can't even wait for a moment, you want to fuck me that badly?" Kenjaku taunted, free arms wrapping themselves around the Mahito in front of him only to return to kissing the curse more violently. Sinking his teeth into Mahito's lips before trying to take over the kiss.

Kneeling behind Kenjaku, Mahito grasped harshly at the man's now bare ass. He felt a shiver run through Kenjaku as he kneaded the bare flesh. The feeling of Kenjaku under his control made him very eager to continue.

Spreading Kenjaku's ass cheeks, Mahito slid his unnaturally long tongue across the hole he'd exposed. Gasping into the other Mahito's mouth, Kenjaku was surprised by the curse's actions. This wasn't something they normally did and wasn't something he'd shown Mahito.

The long appendage slipped a little further inside before expanding suddenly, stretching Kenjaku much more than he'd expected. Both Mahito's giggled at the pained groan that left the man. Kenjaku's legs quivered at the unexpected pain. His balance thrown off, forcing him to lean on the body in front of him.

Without warning, Kenjaku's support left as Mahito took a step back, causing him to topple forward. The only reason he didn't land on his knees was the hands wrapped tightly around his thighs.

Hands grasping at the warm sand, Kenjaku struggled to right his position. The feeling of hands pressing into his back, forcing him lower accompanied with the hands on his legs spreading them made a wave of arousal run through him.

The way the two Mahito's handled his body with a forceful tenderness brought out a feeling inside Kenjaku that he rarely allowed himself to indulge in. The lack of control he had paired with Mahito's disfigured tongue lazily fucking into him made Kenjaku want to submit himself to the pleasure of manipulation.

Mahito had expected more resistance, more of a fight from the man that always told him what to do. It seemed the hedonistic pleasures of the flesh were something they both craved. At least it seemed they both did, if the arch in Kenjaku's back had anything to say.

The Mahito still in front of Kenjaku pressed his hands down on the man's shoulder blades, forcing him down while his ass was still held in the air.

"Only one of us can use Idle Transfiguration, want to guess which? If you're wrong we'll use it on you to prove it," said the Mahito that held him down.

The tongue inside Kenjaku, still slowly fucking into him, again grew. Now it was about the size Mahito usually kept his cock at. The curse could feel Kenjaku's thighs shake at the lack of prep he'd had.

Loosening his grip on the man finally allowed Kenjaku to fall onto his knees, enlarged tongue still studded inside him. A grunt of slight discomfort turning into one of pleasure as he kept up the pace.

"It's you- you just don't feel as strong," Kenjaku panted, placing a hand on the Mahito clone in front of him. He could feel energy radiating off of the curse behind him, like he always could with Mahito. While the entity in front of him was just a muted part of the original.

The clone, that had been giggling has he held Kenjaku down, became silent at the guess. Kenjaku felt nails piercing his shoulder blades as the irritated curse pressed him down further.

Simultaneously he felt the real Mahito's large tongue return to normal and slip out of him, tracing along the rim. Kenjaku pressed his ass back, trying to follow the fullness he'd been enjoying. Mahito's hands kneaded at his ass, squeezing the flesh before biting into it, a moan leaving Kenjaku at the sensation.

"Someone like you is too smart to get fooled by me eh? Since you got it right we can play more, what did you want as a reward?" Mahito asked teasingly, trying to regain some of the control he'd previously had.

Kenjaku pushed his upper body up, despite the clone trying to hold him down still. The clone Mahito resigned to sliding his hands off of Kenjaku, sitting back to watch as the powerful sorcerer in front of him gazed at him so flushed and desperate.

"Fuck me, try and make me feel the way I make you feel," Kenjaku managed to say without sounding like he was begging. He sounded so commanding, as if this was all part of his plan from the beginning.

Eager and having the same desire, Mahito moved himself closer, rubbing his cock in between Kenjaku's ass cheeks. Teasing wasn't enough for the curse anymore, he needed this almost as much as Kenjaku seemed to.

Kenjaku felt dizzy from being subjected to Mahito's whims already, he wasn't even sure when Mahito took his own clothes off. The curses cool flesh against his heated skin made him grind into the cock behind him, urging him to slip inside.

The still clothed clone in front of him leaned over Kenjaku's body, forcing the man's face into his thigh. The Mahito clone groped at Kenjaku's ass, spreading him open and exposing the hold, already wet with Mahito's spit.

Impatience filled both Mahito's as the real Mahito quickly forced his cock into the tight ass before him. A pained grunt, muffled by the clones thigh, left Kenjaku. Though he'd been tongue fucked, the brutal pace Mahito set was enough to knock the wind out of him.

Pained sounds quickly turned into muffled moans as Mahito fucked himself into Kenjaku. He was too excited, knowing that this toy wouldn't break, he had no need to be careful while chasing his pleasure. One soft kiss had been enough earlier, he needed to force the man beneath him to feel just how he often felt when they fucked.

Mahito's cock was unlike anything that had ever fucked Kenjaku before. It both filled him to the brim perfectly and made him feel way too full at the same time. Every thrust was perfect and too much, the curse slamming into his prostate with each thrust.

Kenjaku had already been enjoying their little game, but this painful bliss had him overwhelmed. Moaning obscenely against the clones thigh, Kenjaku tried to move back and meet the curse's thrusts but it had been too long since he'd felt this good without being in control that it was hard for him to move.

The clone Mahito let his hands trail back up Kenjaku's spine, hands tangling in the silky dark hair before pulling the man's face up by it. He wanted to see more desperation from Kenjaku.

With each deep thrust, Kenjaku let out the most desperate sounds Mahito had ever heard. His eyes rolling back while the clone took in everything. From the drool at the corner of his mouth to the flush look on his face. If he wasn't so focused on that he might have noticed the stitches on his forehead tearing slightly, teeth barely visible behind them.

The sudden change in angle felt even better to Mahito as he kept fucking into Kenjaku. While continuing to thrust he leaned forward, wrapping his hand around Kenjaku's neck, forcing him up on his knees.

Kenjaku's back pressed against Mahito's chest as the angle changed. It felt too good for both of them. Kenjaku unsure if Mahito had made his cock bigger of if this was just the perfect position for them.

Watching on, the clone Mahito drank in the sight of a stitched hand around Kenjaku's throat as he moaned loudly, the sight obscene. The clone now noticed Kenjaku's thick cock, hard and leaking, neglected between his thighs.

Leaning down onto his hands and knees, the clone licked at the leaky tip of Kenjaku's cock before taking it fully into his mouth, sucking harshly.

It was too much for Kenjaku, he was surrounded by pleasure. Moans had dissolved into whimpers with each thrust into him and the heat engulfing his cock. His body would be trembling had Mahito not been holding onto him so tightly.

Hands falling into the clones soft hair, Kenjaku held on as he felt himself approaching climax, The clone sucked harder, the sharp tug in his hair as familiar as worshiping the thick cock before him.

Matching paces, both Mahito's moved in such sync that Kenjaku's mind had completely emptied of all other thought. He couldn't hang on, gripping the hair tighter as he came down the clone Mahito's throat. Body convulsing at the force of his own orgasm.

Mahito felt Kenjaku tip over the edge and his hips lost their rhythm, fucking into him blindly. As he fucked Kenjaku through his orgasm, he couldn't help but bury his own cock all the way inside the man. Mahito came, cock jammed so tightly that Kenjaku could feel each spurt of cum.

The hot, wet feeling around his cock disappeared, and as Kenjaku opened his eyes, no one was there. The clone had vanished.

Mahito nipped at Kenjaku's neck as he still held the man up. The action was teasing, playful.

"Now that I'm all back together, I'm ready to go again! I hope you aren't too tired yet," Mahito's bubbly voice said next to Kenjaku's ear.

[friezagirl]

Well, I've talked a lot with someone who thinks Steven Grant is a recreation of Marc's brother. Trying to get him to understand my point of view, I don't know whether he understood it or not. But I'm against his idea, Steven is a completely new person and he's just himself, not someone else's replacement, both because it wouldn't be fair to Steven and because I very much doubt he could be. I explain why. Steven was created from Marc's mind, in the series it is noted that he is inspired by the character of a film that gave him courage, that reassured him, therefore not his brother, otherwise he would have been called Roro, or in any case with a similar name or that, vaguely, it remembered, and not Steven. Regardless, the mind creates an extension of a personality. As children, the personality has not yet been fully created, it is not finished, it is in its infancy, its cycle ends in the first years of adolescence; but as children, the personality is formed through the knowledge and relationships that one has in childhood, which in itself is very problematic for Marc due to his family situation. Thus, his mind tries to compensate for this lack of stability and also for all the excessive pain, thus creating Steven. However, not having much knowledge in psychology, I will discuss this through my hypotheses. Steven, even though he's scared, faces it, just as reported on the poster in the room, this is because Marc, having no one, and being a scared child; he needed a figure who would protect him, who would give him security and who would be kind. His brain captured it, it perceived this need, and that's why Steven was born, the brain created him, yes, but then the rest took shape by itself, Steven built himself as a person in himself like anyone in this world. It's only as children grow up and into their teens that they begin to flesh out their own being and who they are and who they identify with, but that doesn't change the fact that Steven wasn't born to be a replacement for Roro, but a friend and a protector who would help Marc breathe and find a few moments of peace thanks to his presence. In addition, it would seem strange to me that Marc's brain creates a person inspired by the cause of his trauma, namely Roro; it would be more normal for him to distance himself from it, and in fact he clung to the fictitious and fearless and reckless figure of a protagonist of a film that Marc loved very much and that he adored playing. It gave him security to be that doctor Grant, he played at being one when his childhood was simpler, so it is normal that, since he was so attached to it and at a time when everything was happier, the brain took that name to give it to the person he created later, giving Marc physical support and psychological that he lacked. I'm not saying that Roro was the trauma, I'm saying that it was in any case the cause, that Marc's brain identified it as the reason why it all started, therefore the first and fundamental cause of pain, and consequently, the brain, the he would push away, keeping him away from Marc to protect him and protect itself. Thus, Steven cannot be replacement for Roro but a different person, born, alive and self-aware, like anyone else, bonded to Marc only for his duty to protect him.

Perhaps, unconsciously, Marc had also begun to hate Roro, given everything that happened to him. He would make sense, he certainly didn't feel it consciously, he was drowning in guilt, but somewhere inside, he must have started to hate him. He was just a child, he felt daily fear of staying at home, he was distressed in those walls, and he suffered. And feelings like pain, loneliness and anger can easily turn into hatred. Quoting a great sage, Yoda: "Fear leads to anger, anger to hate; hate leads to suffering." That could be what happened to Marc, either with Roro unconsciously, or with his mother knowingly. He hated them for the pain they had caused him, but he also loved them for what they meant to him, and he grieved for what had happened to them both, a fault that was not his and that broke him. And these feelings were very strong, destructive enough that he could not allow Marc's mind to create a copy of a brother who tormented him every day at the hands of his mother. So, Steven is not Roro's replacement and he never was, he was and always has been the anchor created to drive away that vortex of cold dark. A bit like the rainbow after the rain, he was born for the sole and simple sense of existing and of being a warm and reassuring light.

But not necessarily unconsciously, maybe the more Marc suffered the more he harbored anger that he segregated inside with force, and then he hated himself but he also hated Roro and his mother, and this feeling then led him to hate himself more, to suffer more, to blame himself with greater frenzy. Then there was Steven who put a stop to everything though, certainly Jake too. Unconsciously or not, he must have hated him. At least a little, just enough not to go crazy. He was constantly nagged, and he was just a kid, all that guilt was too big a burden to carry on his own, and Steven didn't carry a piece of it even though it lightened it anyway, but Marc was the one who kept it all, always, everyday. So Marc had to take a minute to point his finger at Roro, at least for a second to feel better. Only this must have only worsened his mental state, broken him again. Maybe that's how Jake was born.

In the comics it's already more different, Roro doesn't die as a child, but Marc still creates Steven, who is always kind and good. There the discourse is already more complicated or perhaps similar, Marc always creates Steven as a response to trauma, to create a shield, and therefore distance himself, from the horrible events he experienced with his "uncle". Then, of course, everyone can think as he wants, for me it is clear that Steven is only Steven, a person apart from Marc and Roro. However, perhaps people with DID, or psychologists, would explain it better than me.

[parttimepuff]

(kxllerclaws)

[ You are by far one of the most confounding creatures I am required to examine for my cause. ]

Hello, Gremlin. You good? Because there was a strange voice speaking to you out of nowhere, with no source in sight. Strangely, it sounded unstable, phasing at different frequencies. Why would be anyone’s guess, but it would be difficult to pinpoint what exactly it was supposed to sound like normally because of this.

[ To deliberately disregard your own moral code for the sake of camaraderie is absurd. If you truly detested the slaughtering of the living, you would not associate yourself with one who so revels in the act. ] Vague as it was being, there was only one person it could have been referring to. Who else was the fear demon close to who committed homicide on the regular?

[ Respecting him will not prevent the inevitable. One mere mishap and he shall betray you, unable to distinguish friend from foe under a beastly haze. ] Whether or not Gremlin noticed it, the temperature significantly dropped. [ I would suggest reevaluating who you trust. Time can only do so much to secure your safety. ]

The atmosphere began to ease. [ And if you insist on remaining at his side, warnings notwithstanding… so be it. You were never a threat to begin with. ]

A single rumble shook the area, and as it died down, so did the voice, invading no longer.

Ah, there you are. Honestly, at first, Gremlin assumed that one of the anons was doing some kind of bit. He rolled his eyes, turning around to face the voice, only to find no one there. It took him a moment to register that the voice was only in his head, which was unsettling when it wasn't his niece or nibling. The voice was very horror movie adjacent. Well, it was that time of year.

Before he could say anything, the voice dug into him. Frankly, they could be talking about a handful of people he knew, but he had a pretty damn good guess as to who it meant. A scowl formed on his face. "He doesn't revel in it. He doesn't have a choice." Gremlin argued, not sure where to aim his glare with no one around. Did the fact that Chimizo had to kill to survive bother him? Obviously. It was why he'd hated him initially. The situation was a hell of a lot more complex than the stupid voice made it out to be.

They were talking about his 'auto-pilot'. Did they assume he didn't know about it? It was how he'd met him. "That's not gonna happen. He's careful about it." Gremlin defended, balling his fists. It wasn't as though he'd forgotten what his friend's body on its own was capable of, but... Chimizo was smart. He made extra sure he wouldn't lose control like that. And if he did... It wasn't going to happen again. His lack of feeling made the temperature drop hard to notice and he was too angry with the accusations to make any note of it.

A part of him wanted to shout back that he didn't want to be a threat, he'd been working really hard to be less of one. But he would rather this smug prick be scared of him. "Do you really think you can make me turn on him like that?? Where the hell are you, you slimy-" Gremlin paused at the rumble and the eerie silence that followed. Was that an earthquake?? He wasn't on the ground, so he couldn't really tell. Somehow, the voice seemed to be gone with it.

"...what the hell was that about?" The Dream Demon muttered to himself. Had that ominous voice seen so little of their friendship that it didn't make sense that he'd like him? Why did it know any of that? He'd already gone over all his feelings about Chimizo and had come to terms with things before he even knew he and Charles were the same person. The voice was years too late to change his mind now.

To him, he and Chimizo were very alike. Human, but not human. Forced to survive by hurting others. Yes, his way of survival was more extreme, but he had no alternatives. Stopping just meant going out of control. Gremlin didn't have to like it and he was positive that Chimizo didn't, either. No one could force a wedge into their friendship by bringing all that up again.

Gremlin huffed, his anger dissipating. After a moment, something occurred to him. He whipped out his cellphone, scrolling for a moment before landing on the right contact.

'Hey, Chimizo. Listen, do you have some time to talk? I got a really weird visitor who doesn't seem to like you.' Aaand send.

[peachypede]

39 and 40 for the berries and the Pear for the recent ask you posted!!

39. If they could go back in time, how would they reassure their child-self about the future?

I felt like these would make nice drabbles...so uh have these little stories

Pecha

"Do we have romance?"

Pecha is taken aback by the younger version of herself, seven at this time, finding it strange for a young child to be so interested in love. Then again, this was herself she was talking to.

"Um, yeah." Pecha laughs a bit. How much was okay to reveal to little Pecha? She decides to keep it vague. "We're loved and not alone."

Little Pecha seems content with that answer and begins working again on the flower crown she had begun. Little Tiki, a joltik at the time, sat in Little Pecha's lap. A breeze passes by. It's a nice summer day in the Nimbasa park.

"...D-do we ever make people friends?" Little Pecha breaks the silence, her voice soft and her lips trembling from worry. It strikes Pecha in her heart and brings back memories that she'd rather not remember.

"...It...It gets harder before it get better..." Pecha begins, picking at the blades of grass underneath them unconsciously. "But the friends we make are the best friends anyone could ever have."

Once again, Little Pecha seems content with the answer.

Rawst

"...You're a boy." Little Rawst finally says after a long silence. Honestly, Rawst wasn't expecting them to say anything but since they were the same person, perhaps they got more comfortable with him quicker than with strangers.

"Yep. I'm a boy."

"...so I grow up into a boy?"

"...Pretty much."

"Okay."

Hm. That went better than expected. Rawst drums his fingers on the ground, watching Little Annabelle play with his Annabelle by chasing each other around.

"...When I grow up, will I stop being afraid of everything?" Little Rawst asks again.

Oh...

"Uhhh..." Right. Rawst feels the pain come back to him from when he was eighteen and realized that the belief he had about adults having no anxiety was wrong. His anxiety would never magically disappear. Instead, he'd live with it for the rest of his life.

How does he even begin to explain that to the child version of himself.

"No." He answers honestly. "We're still afraid of going outside and being around other people. It doesn't ever get easier. But it gets...doable. And the more you do it, the more doable it gets and the more people who you feel safe around grows...does that make sense?"

Another long silence. Little Rawst frowns and plucks at their toy ukulele before looking back up.

"...Yeah."

Pear

"What kind of job do we have? Am I a scientist? Wait, no, I want to be an astronaut!" Little Pear is practically bouncing off the walls, trying to guess what occupation Pear had.

"Uh...yeah...about that. We're a farmer. Like papá. " Pear answers while nervously rubbing his neck.

"Whaaaaaaaat." Little Pear huffs before sitting down on his bed, folding his arms in disappointment. "So we still live in Cortondo and do farm stuff? That's boring."

Pear gives a soft smile and sits down next to him.

"Important things come up." He tries to keep it vague. Right now in Little Pear's life, Nanita Babiri is healthy and still helps with harvest. It wouldn't be until he was a teenager that her health would begin to decline and wane. "We sacrifice some things we care about for things we care about more."

"But I don't want to sacrifice the things I want..."

"...I know."

There's a small moment of quietness before Little Pear holds out his pinky.

"Pinky promise me that we'll do something we want!"

"Huh?" Pear looks at his younger self, confused.

"Just one thing. We do something for fun! For us!" Little Pear reiterates, his eyes bright and a smile on his face.

Slowly, Pear wraps his pinky around his younger self's pinky and gives a smile back.

"...I'll do it. One thing for fun."

And here Pear thought that he would only be giving advice, not receiving.

40. What is their celebrity crush? How would they react if noticed by said crush?

Pecha

Heavy on the crush part, she really thinks Piers is handsome and loves listening to his music. Also loves watching his battles. He's such a talented battler AND singer! (I feel like it's definitely one of those 'you're attracted to what you're familiar with") Definitely has a poster of him in her room, which clashes with her usual pastel pink and bubbly theme in her room. She stands out if she goes to a concert of his because her style is VERY different from Pier's usual fans.

She'd be a stuttering and flustered mess if Piers ever even looked her way. Tries her best to act normally but is her usual "you hot, me dumb" self when in front of a person she thinks is attractive.

Rawst

Less of crushes, more of an admiration. He likes Iono's and Raihan's styles but also low key thinks they're both attractive. He watches both of their streams because he thinks they're both entertaining in their own ways. I feel like Rawst is a bit jealous of their abilities to actually perform in front of a crowd as well.

100% down to collab with either of them if they to play video games. If they meet online, he's more likely to actually talk to them.

Pear

He's not super into celebrity watch sort of stuff, but if he was asked who his celebrity crush was he would say Geeta. She's pretty and strong! Perfect combination.

Pear probably wouldn't react that much different if he met Geeta. He treats her like a normal person and makes small talk.

[journalbymartman]

As he looked in awe at his only son, his son looked right back at him. Puzzled.

"I can't pretend I didn't see it in you, in a way I always knew and I love you just the way you are."

"I believe that, but now you look at me differently. I'm the same dad... I" - "It's not that" he said softly. " Dad, it's like you are looking through me and not at me. What really changed?" - "You look like him, I loved him you know? You always reminded me of him vaguely but now you are the same age as we were. I loved a man too, son. Years before I met your mother" his son sobbed out a wet "What?" still trying to cling on the scarce information he had just processed.

" When I was around your age, I met a boy and we fell in love. Simple as that. Times were different, neither of us knew how to deal with what we felt, it was all sorts of messy and your grandma suspected, I think. I didn't even care at the time and still we grew apart, over time we became stranged and let our past linger between us. I think he lives in another country now. After all these years without seeing you... I couldn't have guessed you'd grow up to look so much like him, but as you came out to me it became more clear than ever before."

"Dad, are you gay?" - "No gay I'm D - "DAD!" He scolded

"Sorry. No I wouldn't say I'm gay. I loved him and then I loved other people. Then one day I loved your mom. I never really put myself in a box."

"I can understand that but you saying I look like your lover from the past or something feels wrong and at this point I would have rather have you throw me out on the streets and call me slurs because what the actual fuck dad???"

His father's complexion changed abruptly after hearing this. With no lack of embarrassment he said

"It's not like that at all, but it's not easy to explain either. If you were my daughter and I said you reminded me dearly of your mother, which genetically would make more sense, you'd take this in a whole different way, and I mean it that way. You resemble someone in my past I loved dearly, not someone I'm attracted to if-"

"DAD!" Interrupted his son, understandably mortified.

After a short awkward silence in the midst of the kitchen table, his son finally asked

"My mom and my aunts always say I look like you. That I talk like you, laugh like you and act like you... I don't know if that is true because you weren't there for most of my life. But it bothered me, you know?? People finding me so familiar to someone I felt so distant, it was unfair. I wanted to be like mom or my older brother, anyone I could recognize in myself the same way people recognized you in me. I felt like I needed to be exorcised of you. That's how much everyone said we were alike and now you saying all this right after I came out of the closet has to be the dirtiest joke the universe could've come up to"

"They were right."

"You now think I resemble you as well?"

"No, you don't resemble me. You resemble all the parts of me that were his"