#Dissociative Identity Disorder

[crippledpunks]

if you are a disabled person of any severity and can make it through a grocery shopping trip, i am proud of you and look up to you. if you can't make it through a grocery shopping trip for whatever reason, pain, anxiety, psychosis, ADHD, autism, depression, memory or attention issues, fatigue, exhaustion, irritability, confusion, dissociation, or anything else, you have my condolences because i'm right there with you, that shit sucks ass. it's needlessly complicated and its something that abled people take for granted

of course disabled people cant go across the entire store to put an item back every time. of course disabled people may need help getting items from high or low places. of course disabled people will get lost even in labeled places because of object blindness, blindness/eye problems, bad attention span, anxiety, or other issues, of course there are who can't make it through the entire store without collapsing

these stores are designed to confuse customers and trap them inside for as long as possible to increase impulse spending, of course disabled people are going to struggle to navigate the store. i love you if you're disabled and can navigate the store, kudos to you, but i also love you if you can't. it's not easy and people take for granted how easy it is for them when others can't do it at all

[lefluoritesys]

Yet another thing I don't see talked about in the DID community: the host anxiety of letting go of front.

Obviously it doesn't happen to every system, as some systems don't even have a host; but can we talk about the fear and anxiety about potentially never coming back to front if you fully let go, as a host? I dealt with it for a year and a half until I was able to actually start letting go and sitting off front for long periods of time. But there were times when 5 minutes off front fully caused me panic attacks.

This fear especially comes when you are a baby (newly discovered) system. This feeling that you built a life for yourself, and suddenly, you feel like you'll lose it to other people. And it's not that you want it all for yourself, but losing it entirely is what's scary. And there is usually a whole inner world behind you... who knows what happens inside of it, what it can do, who lives there? As well as, it's scary to let go of control of events IRL. Who knows how others would handle it, even if you know them well already?

And that's just our reasons.

Moral of the story: y'all are not alone, and it gets better.

-host

[zero-templates]

I made lgbt and disabled pixels for my simply plural, all the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and disabled sets are out rn ! (though that's just the sets, I'll still be making more pixels)

( read my pinned before interacting )

[reimeichan]

I'm a little. Biologically, I'm in my late 20s. And... I had the realization hit me last night that even though I'm a little and feel like I'm still a child, with all my childish wants and needs and fears and stuff, it doesn't change the fact that I've lived through 20-something years of my life. I have adult responsibilities and adult experiences and adult memories.

But more than that, I can't go back to being a child anymore.

My past, my childhood, I can't change any of that. The pain and traumas are real, the memories I have still haunting me. And even the moments of nostalgia I have, when I reminisce on my past... well, that's all they can be anymore. They're not my present.

And in spite of all this history I have inside of me, I still feel like a kid who didn't get the love and affection I needed. I feel stuck in time, but time always keeps marching forward even if I don't. The grass grows and the meat rots and the rocks weather. I can honor these feelings of being a kid, and give myself the things I didn't get back then. But... I'm still an adult. And I think it's also important for me to acknowledge that.

Integration is so hard. I've fused and gotten closer to so many of the other littles that now we're all sharing those moments from our childhood: happy times and sad times and even just times that existed. But I'm also closer to the adult parts, and with that comes... I dunno. I guess I'm less dissociated from my current reality and I'm more grounded now. And it feels so scary and confusing trying to navigate this new reality that I'm not used to. But I know I have people around me who can help me, from my friends and partners to the other parts of me I share a life with. It'll be okay, I think.

But for now I'm gonna mourn my past.

[irlminion]

So one of our alters who really struggles with doing things without commands made a pizza without any prompt to do so and then ate like a slice!

Making a pizza and eating a singular slice doesn’t seem like much but for us it’s incredibly lovely to see.

[nearsightedbat]

I often wonder if any other systems out there struggle with lying.

Not about being a system but just with lying in general. I feel most would answer “no” for fear of ending up on r/fakedisodercringe

We struggle with lying a lot, it’s a protective thing. Or it was when it started. Over time we just couldn’t stop. For the most part now we do better with it. But it took a lot of help from professionals and things like that.

Just thoughts I’m having while stuck here.

[autopsycollective]

more stress leading to more alters leading to even more stress, is a cycle that literally just feels like hell.

[enchantingducktheorist]

I honestly feel kinda jealous of hosts that have built a good and functional relationship with the majority of their system :/

[ben-marco]

I want to take a moment to recognize older systems / people with DID who were directly impacted by the Satanic Panic period of the 80s and 90s.

While OEA and RA/TBMC are very real, the panic surrounding these topics affected OEA survivors and nonsurvivors alike. Communities went from looking for abuse on every corner and sensationalizing trauma -- to establishing rhetoric that abuse just doesn't happen and that any child (or adult, later) who speaks up must be lying or making things up, whether it's OEA or CSA or even physical abuse. It's out of the media around the Satanic Panic that we were left with people touting "false memory syndrome" and denying the existence of DID as a diagnosis.

This post is for older systems whose abuse, OEA or otherwise, was sensationalized or misrepresented due to the Satanic Panic. This post is for older systems who went through OEA and were told they didn't, or had their stories minimized. Older systems who went through CSA, organized or not, and were told that they were lying or making it up. Older systems who recognize signs of trauma or even DID in their family members but who know that these family members will likely never say a word about any of it. Systems who lived through the Satanic Panic period and experienced/saw firsthand just how quickly any allegations of abuse were swept aside, ignored, or otherwise invalidated. Systems who still struggle to talk about their trauma today, 30+ years later, because of this pattern of invalidation.

[echoes-in-the-multiverse]

DID and The Grand Unified Theory

Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.

Written by Oliver.

As the host of a system of quantum, particle, and nuclear physicists, I have found comfort in relating our disorder's elements to physics concepts. These concepts help them feel less scary and more manageable to accept. Today, I will discuss the Grand Unified Theory and how it has helped me interpret, understand, and come to terms with the ideas of Splitting and Fusion in our system. However, this is not an educational post on splitting and fusion in (Dissociative Identity Disorder) DID systems. Those will be separate posts. This post is my symbolic interpretation of these concepts in a simplified way to aid in acceptance. I want to share what we have done, as it may help other systems do the same with topics they are interested in and help them come to terms with their disorder. 

So, what is the Grand Unified Theory?

Simply put, it attempts to combine three of the four fundamental forces in the universe into one singular force at the start of the universe. 

These forces are the Electromagnetic force, which acts between charged particles (such as two protons with a positive charge), the strong nuclear force, which holds the nucleus of an atom together, and the weak nuclear force, which is responsible for types of radioactive decay. The fourth fundamental force is Gravity, which acts between any two objects with mass regardless of distance. The ultimate goal of the theory is to combine all the forces into one singular force at the start of the universe, and then model when each force splits off into its separate fundamental force. This would combine classical physics (gravity) with quantum physics. 

How do I use this theory to bring comfort to myself? 

The idea of unity:

Even though these forces are now very distinct and have grown more distinct as time went on, they all have an underlying unified and linked identity. In the same way, dissociative identities in DID are distinct but not completely separate personalities; they are fractions of one whole. So, even when things are tough or unmanageable, or when people do not get along (similar to how gravity does not fit into the theory right now), there is something that will hold us together ultimately, and there is a chance of unification. 

Splitting over time:

In the theory, if gravity can be combined into it, it is believed that gravity split from the electronuclear force at the end of the Plank era. This is so early in the universe that not even subatomic particles existed yet. The Electronuclear force split into the electroweak force and strong nuclear force, and then split again into the electromagnetic force and the weak nuclear force. This initial split at the beginning of the universe could represent the initial split the brain must undergo during early childhood to develop DID. However, the theory also represents how those splits may change or not change. An alter may not split again after their initial split; they would be, like gravity, and remain the same but develop more distinctly over time. Or, they may split again, just like the electronuclear force did. These splits can occur later in life if trauma is experienced again. 

Fusion:

This theory brings both the comfort that fusion can work and that it is also okay if it does not. The theory is not perfect and cannot combine all four forces; similarly, a system, may not be able to fully fuse, perhaps only fuse into two or three final forms,  because of trauma, or may not have the skills to do so yet, and that is okay. If the theory is wrong, we will find another way to explain the universe, just like if fusion is not possible, we will find a way to progress through life. Some may also strive to reach the stage where they can form a final fusion, but this does not have to happen right away and can take a long period in therapy. 

Energy conversions and fusion:

Fusion can be a scary concept because it will change the alter and the way the system will function later on. As dissociative identities fuse, it begins to restore the unity of the psyche, it coalesces experiences, memories, and feelings. This mirrors the principle of energy in physics, where it states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but transferred from one state to another. This means that even though that alter appears to be gone they will forever exist even though it is in a new form. Their experiences, memories, and work they have contributed to survival will always remain within the individual unity.

Written by Oliver.

Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.

[lefluoritesys]

Hey idk if you wanna know this but just in case this post of yours was posted to r/fdc and one of the replies I think too :( I'm really sorry and hope y'all haven't been getting any harassment or anything idr if ur user was in the post

"Do you really believe you have DID?" No, DID believes in me, and a bit too hard.

In other words: people will always be assholes. If they are so miserable that the only happiness they get is shitting on others, we can't help them. I think this is a free promotion (advertisement)! :D

Their desire to fake-claim us without a medical degree or learning literally anything else about us and our lives doesn't take away years of living with it, years of experience, and literal people in my head. And we're not even planning to get diagnosed, though that's just my ADHD side-tracking me...

Also, why are you on such subreddits, my friend? They can damage your mental health pretty hard. Are you not looking out for your well-being over there? 👀

-host

[the-toybox-sys]

reading the symptoms of autism as a now grown adult after being bullied for no explainable reason all your life

[solidwater05]

Apparently this needs to be said so

Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!

You're not a bad person if you...

forget things quickly

forget people

can't remember entire stages of your life

can't remember important things

can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time

can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests

forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc

forget to reply to texts

remember things and immediately forget them again

can't remember birthdays, events, etc

frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions

can't retain new information

forget things you used to know

only remember things when it's too late

have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories

depend on others to know how an event you were in played out

have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa

... and anything else I might have missed!

[caintooth]

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

[met4lwhore]

yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate

yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate

yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate

yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid

yall are pro mental illness until they split

yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle