Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.
Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?
Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!
You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.
Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!
Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!
Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.
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Light's end has always bothered me for multiple reasons (the biggest of which is it not actually being his fault that he lost therefore robbing me of a greater poetic justice but you can't win 'em all), but I think one nobody really talks about is that,,,Light wasn't afraid to die.
Well—he WAS, at the beginning, but part of the reason I'm so obsessed with his relationship with Ryuk is because Ryuk's existence was a constant threat to Light's life. And yet Light never once seemed afraid of him, or tried to cozy up to him, or even attempted manipulate Ryuk into doing things for him. Sure, he bribed him sometimes into going along with his plans, but he was friends with Ryuk. Or—as close to friends as I assume a Light Yagami and a Shinigami can get.
But before Light meets Ryuk, he 100% believes that he's going to die. His frenzy those first few days can be attributed not to any moral righteousness, but to a desperate sort of resignation. Light thinks that he's sold his soul after killing those first two men, so instead of destroying the Death Note, he immediately sets out to make as big of an impact as possible. He wants to go out with a bang! He wants to be remembered! Light is afraid of death in those first days—but he also comes to terms with it somewhere between killing Otoharada and Ryuk showing up. He was ready to go with Ryuk quietly if he was there to take his life or his soul.
But then—he learns that he's not going to die.
The face of a boy excited and relieved.
Light learns that there are no consequences to using the Death Note.
THIS is when he starts getting cocky, when he starts to actually convince himself of all that moral stuff he spouts.
But he's still not afraid of death.
Oh he's afraid of being caught, for sure, and after L humiliated him on live television, he might've even been afraid of execution. Because he'd seen firsthand just how quickly L could turn the tables on him, how he could make Kira look foolish. And Light definitely does not want to be remembered as foolish.
I don't think Light was afraid of actually DYING though, because when Ryuk says "You know I could just kill you", Light laughs. Literally laughing in the face of death. Light KNOWS that Ryuk will eventually kill him, but as long as he goes down the way he wants—on HIS terms—it's fine. Ryuk claiming that he'd be the one to finally end Light might've even been a relief, considering how Light's mind works. A god can only be killed by another god, etc. etc. 'Killed By A Real-life Shinigami' sounds metal as FUCK. Top-tier way to die if you're as much of a gloryhound as Light.
And one thing that irks me is that—the five year gap kind of,,,,takes that, from Light. Light spends so long on top of the world with no real challenge that by the time that Near and Mello show up, he's far more arrogant than he was when he was up against L. Light is, once more, afraid of death. He's lost that tolerance he built up in those pivotal first few days, and he goes out, not in a blaze of glory like he wanted, but clawing and pleading to live like a dog.
Light lost his recklessness, his impatience, his acceptance of the inevitable because he believed that he could now change the inevitable—all somewhere in that five year time skip.
This makes him less likely to get caught, yes, but it also takes away that—that teenage dauntlessness that he had at the beginning. Pre-skip Light feared L and L alone. Only the idea of being caught by someone who could truly tear him down frightened him. Not even death compared.
And I suppose that Light's spiralling at the end is a sort of poetic justice in this case?? But it's not the one I wanted.
I wanted Light's recklessness to blow up in his face. I wanted his carefully curated plans ruined by his own impatient hand. I wanted him to go down much as he probably first intended—in a blaze of glory. I wanted his fall to be explosive and terrifying to the audience. A moral of the story that shoots you right in the chest and really makes you think.
Instead he was reduced to just,,,,another criminal, begging for his life.
Which, yes, I suppose, is also a message in and of itself (all evil figures throughout history have only ever been human, have only ever been men that bleed red at the end of the day, and nothing they've ever done or said will change that), but I also find that....exceedingly boring.
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y'all gotta learn to like. be polite to writers- stop demanding part two's or demanding to be tagged if a part two happens - it might seem harmless but its really fucking annoying, especially to someone whos automatic response to having things demanded of them is "get fucked im not doing it"
most of the people asking to be tagged if i make a part two to that eddie-in-the-back-of-hoppers-car fic have been perfectly lovely about it, using language that doesnt imply theyre expecting anything but instead are hoping for it which is nice!! i find that stuff a little more motivating because it lets me know that people do want to read my work!!
but anyone whos only commented "part two" or "i need part two" or "tag me" with no accompanying message, keep activating my "fuck you" attitude which is frustrating for both me (who is actually somewhat keen to add onto it) and others (who are looking forward to a potential add-on)
i know no ones likely intending to be a dick or to be annoying but thats what it is - youre demanding the time and energy of someone who doesnt have a lot of that. I stress myself out enough with my own writing endeavours (*looking at the fantasy series ive been working on for 8 years*), i dont need strangers on the internet thinking they get to pressure me for content because they've mistaken it for a compliment
im not saying dont ask to be tagged in future parts, or dont ask for a part two - just be nice about it. remember that youre talking to an actual person who has a life outside of tumblr.
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shuro's bad shuro's the worst i'll kill you i'll kill us both he literally hasnt eaten or showered in days and has been searching for a woman he loves very dearly i think that alone entitles him to be a little cranky with laios + he ALSO doesn't understand social cues because he comes from a totally different culture and social standing. laios is a completely different kind of person than shuro has ever had to deal with before. yes they fight but CLEARLY they don't actually want to hurt each other because if they did shuro could, weakened though he is, turn laios into mincemeat. he's angry but he wants to talk to him. he's angry because if the western elves learn falin was brought back using ancient magic they'll kill her or experiment on her, NOT because he has some beef with ancient magic itself. and literally at the end he tells Laios he's not going to say anything. and that no matter what happens he can call Shuro for help and he'll literally HELP HIM ESCAPE TO HIS HOME IN THE EAST. if you don't like shuro because he "doesnt like laios" you're already wrong because that's a bad reason to dislike a character (laios is legitimately grating and awkward, we find it endearing bc we understand he's not doing it on purpose + we know he's fictional + many of us see ourselves in him anyway) but also he LITERALLY DOES LIKE LAIOS. he finds it difficult to communicate with him just like laios finds it difficult!! if shuro hated him i cannot stress there's a million things he could've done other than punching him back when he slapped him LMAO
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