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#something she realises on her own
randomnameless · 1 year
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not the other anon, but i read your lycaon posts and it kinds of make sense, even if it'd be kind of sad how rhea chooses to abandon humanity because her kid was killed
Oh, thanks, but it's just a headcanon!
Lycaon I is even less relevant than Ferdie in AM lol
As for that "half-nabatean lycaon" verse...
It's a bit more complicated - by abandoning humanity you mean working on the rez sothis plan ? - than that in that AU, because both Rhea and Willy (but he doesn't count since he died) feel guilty for Lycaon's death since, in those AUs, they're convinced he died because he was half-nabatean and it's their fault because they were supposed to have ended the war and killed the people who hunted pointy ears - Fodlan was supposed to be a safe space where Nabateans could abandon hair dye and, well, it's not.
Like, imagine a post FE7 situation, where Eliwood and Ninian and their friends think coexistence is possible and there could be a time, in the future, where humans and dragons could live together, like they do in Arcadia, but not hidden anymore. Roy pops up, but when he is introduced to, idk, the other nobles from the world in some sort of get together, Roy reveals he's not totally human, and gets diced as a result -
I could see Eliwood moving on, with a lot of support from his friends, but needing a lot of time to proceed.
But Rhea? Post WoH Rhea? Who "just" lost her family to the red canyon because, as far as she knows, they had pointy ears, and who loses right now her son for the same reason??
It's keeping with the general trend of her needing a "strong reason" or "another traumatic event" to make her fall to Sothis's return, when, per the Hresvelg Covenant, there was one point where she thought humans could guide the land themselves. And given how canon-wise the end of the War of Heroes, the beginning of the Monastery thus the period where she leaves Adrestia all have the same origin - Lycaon's death, I tried to honeypot around it lol
Just like some people thought FE16 actually deconstructs FE4 with the Holy Blood and weapons being, uh, not holy at all, I thought about FE7's ending. Eliwood marries Ninian and their son will later on become a hero who will save the continent!
Save that, this time, Roy dies in chapter 6 because he is not human and his closest friends and other nobles (in the Lycaon AU it's his own half-siblings and nephews + nobles!) cannot accept his heritage.
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notbrucewayne48 · 9 months
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
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blue-eli · 3 months
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Skuld in quantum design :)
#kingdom hearts#kh#khux#khux Skuld#kh skuld#kingdom hearts Skuld#skuld kh#Skuld kingdom hearts#got distracted from typing the tags by going to watch cutscenes with Skuld my friend Skuld in them#I love her#design notes: she got the scarf because it reminded her of Ephemer AND Braig#you can’t see it but under it she has a star necklace that reminded her of Player#this is based on the subject x Skuld theory! hence the scar. she got it either from just player or got one of the lines from fighting#darkness and the other from player idk#her coat was given to her by Braig/Luxu when he broke her out of radiant garden! it’s slightly too small for her now#she’s tall!!! to me. over 6ft. not quite Lea but still tall#her earrings are the only things that survived from her original outfit. everything else is new#she doesn’t have gloves because I forgo. then I was really happy with how I shaded the hand so I’m not putting gloves on her now.#but she probably does have them#she’s been living in Quantum for a while and is sorta tied up in some illegal shit but nothing really bad.#her and Strelitzia are friends!!! they met at a coffee shop when it was raining and Shuld was the only one with an umbrella#they didn’t realise they were both from daybreak until Skuld saw a painting Strez did and broke down crying.#her memory is still kinda fucked. when she first arrived in Quantum she didn’t remember her name yet and went by X.#she started collecting things that reminded her of the friends she couldn’t quite remember. she’s got a shoe box or two of trinkets#she also will get something if it reminds her of Lea/Isa because even if being in RG was hell she still misses them.#also Vanitas is there. he’s her terrible little brother who bites people. she loves him. he is the only reason she knows her own name#she found him and her heart recognised him as Ventus her brother Ventus. she knows he’s not all of Ventus now but it’s too late#he’s her little brother now. she’s trying to rehabilitate him like taming a feral kitten. he’s switching between ‘I want to be loved’ and#‘I’m evil fuck you’. she introduces as ‘this is my evil brother he is terrible and rude but we’re working on it and I love him.’#she would get along great with Sora I think.
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Joseph, just like Chika, had someone weak and helpless in his care. However, when the threat of death from starvation drove him into a corner, he refused to abandon the one he promised to protect. Unlike Chika
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aroanthy · 4 months
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(anthytouga voice) why would i be compassionate to nanami ew disgusting nanami’s literally the worst nanami is a cockroach i hope she dies she’s so fucking stupid oh my god being compassionate to nanami is the worsttttttt so what if the worst things ever happen to her and it’s my fault that’s just lifeohhhhhhhhhhh oh? utena is experiencing the worst things ever and i helped? and i helped? oh well i should just kill myself. oh well i should just kill myself and save her because actually utena is Good. and stupid. but Good. unlike nanami lol nanami was born cursed to suffer haha nanami’s got that karmic punishment coming lollllll But Utena Does Not <3
#i find this ‘discrepancy’ (for want of a better word) FASCINATING#bc it’s not like anthy and touga don’t both identify with utena at times#in a manner VERY similar to their identification with nanami (‘you don’t know what i know but you feel and experience the same things’)#but with nanami. die kill maim vibes. and with utena. look at that poor kicked (noble) puppy vibes#something about utena being brought into something so obviously#when nanami has always been here. crab bucket moment idk#nanami in 32 vs utena in 39…. i think the thoughts#like why would nanami extend a hand to anthy. she wouldn’t#what’s crazy to me is she TRIES to do that w touga bc of course she does#but she realises he’s not gonna do that. and her wanting him to doesn’t outweigh her wanting to live anymore#utena reaches out to anthy bc she wants to#it’s like. nanami’s rejection of the system and in turn anthy and touga’s worldviews is that cold hard realisation one needs#perhaps more obviously touga but it impacts anthy all the same — next episode is 33!!!! hello!!!!!!!#but they still feel more or less powerless. just cogs in a machine it’s just that now they’re more aware of their own pain and others’#and touga gets left behind in this bc he’s ruined his meaningful connections with like Everyone Ever#but utena reaches out to anthy as i said before. and utena says ‘i care about you’ and it’s not for herself as much as it is for anthy#ohhhhhh i am just. i am Just#dais.txt
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sunshineandviolets · 1 year
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"Rose - Tinted glasses, call me naïve, Wishing on love, for sparks to be set free. Cheeks flush. Butterflies swarm, Can you be the one to keep me warm? " - 'Butterflies' by Strawberry Sweet Surprise
Got the chance to commission @danniseyebrows for an portrait of my @infamous-if MC, Shanaya Joshi - also known as Mintii <3. Is always dressing bright and cute both on and off stage.
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emmodii-mode · 11 months
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Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).
I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-
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Her face before she flies off---
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She looks so heartbroken and sad.
#emmodii rambles#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate series#lae'zel#spoilers#i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF.#may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'(#for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something?#but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft#ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA.#anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot#also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the#other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff#which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't#grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL.#trust me to overthink things hahaha XD#if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha#what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH#of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact#...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide#is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy?#gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks#ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have#to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci#hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-#emmodii plays bg3
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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ALSOOO thinking abt this bit in ntn... the obvious revulsion ianthe has for the realisation that palamedes was right + she IS irreversibly part naberius + her immediate abandonment of naberius' body in response.... the whole thing reeks of denial like rest in peace to the sandy foundations she built her performative sense of self on but this wave is inevitable girl!! you can't uneat what you've already digested
#maybe the real unwanted guest was the cavalier we ate along the way#ianthe is soooo fascinating bc everything she says or does hinges on this persona shes cultivated to present to the world#like i dont think we've EVER seen her with her guard down or 'unscripted'. or had any real sense of whats going through her mind#shes never getting out of the labyrinth#but the way she reacts to palamedes' suggestion..... it feels VERY defensive. i bet something in there is shattering#very curious abt where her character will go in alecto.. i imagine she'll revert to propping herself on corona who she sees as perfectly-#predictable/controllable in order to reassert her crumbling identity. would LOVE if corona broke out of the mould ianthe forces her into#i think it would fully break ianthe to realise that not only does she not know herself but her perception of corona is an illusion too#like she does have her own ambitions and desires outside of ianthe!! theyve just never been separated long enough for her to realise them#god can u imagine if corona rejects whatever grand plan ianthe is piecing together for her. everything shes done for nothing#it smells lyctorish bc i cant imagine ianthe wanting to be a lyctor if corona wouldnt be forever at her side. but she wouldnt want-#corona's soul to be 'spoiled' by consuming anyone else and she also wouldnt want corona to become capable of necromancy#bc that would upset their power dynamic.. can u IMAGINE if corona convinced judith to eat her. itd be so over we're talking murder suicide#SOO MANY THOUGHTS i cant wait this long for alecto#.diaries#tlt#the unwanted guest spoilers
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cherry-treelane · 11 months
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this is extremely important to me it means so much....if u get it u get it and if u don't u dont.... (fics are all from the wonderful mother_of_houseplants btw shes amazing and so is her writing which is evident in these screenshots)
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pynkhues · 8 days
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I am very very curious about that tower scene because Sam said in an interview that he didn't think Lestat was at the tower voluntarily--so if Armand put him there, how much of Louis' memory of that scene is accurate? Lestat looks very well put-together for a prisoner, and how is he being kept there? So much about that scene felt intentionally odd (even, and you touched on this in your fic, that Lestat says that he wasn't kept in the room with the corpses/"disappointments", whereas he'd told Louis and Claudia that he was kept in a room with corpses).
I'm really curious too, anon! It definitely feels like one that's going to be revisited, probably in more ways than one given Magnus' tower is such a vital location across The Vampire Lestat, and it makes sense that Sam would say that too given Lestat's not there by choice in the book. Like you said, Armand takes him there after the trial (and pushes him out the window to debilitate him further) and I'm curious as to how much of that the show keeps. They've changed a few elements of that sequence already that I don't think can be reversed - like Claudia's dress ending up with Louis for instance, not Lestat - and the bigger fact of Louis seeing Lestat then at all when in the book Armand tells him Lestat died in the theatre fire even though he knows he didn't).
You're right though that it's an odd scene, both between how good Lestat looked (but then Louis' memories of how he looked at the trial too were coloured by other emotions given the revisited scenes at the end showed how unwell he actually looked) and that change in what Lestat tells Louis about where he was kept in Magnus' tower feels pointed given 2.08 spends quite a bit of time pointing out its own deliberate inconsistencies with s1 moments.
I think like a lot of these scenes, Louis' memory of it will be a partial truth, but it lacks the context that we have (and he now, at least, has some of). I also kiiind of imagine Lestat and Armand are probably talking to each other too with the mind link in that scene, but obviously we're not privvy to if that's happening or what it might entail yet.
I can't wait to see what they do with it.
#i'm kind of in two minds about lestat changing the story about being kept with the corpses#i actually think it makes sense for him to tell that as an extreme snippet to claudia and louis to get them off his back about it#and stop them asking questions#i actually rewatched 1.04 today and i'd forgotten that claudia asks about lestat's maker there too when she's still little#in a way that clearly really upsets lestat#but louis and claudia both don't seem to really realise that it's upset him#they think he's just being tetchy generally#which is kind of an interesting thing if you then assume this is something that claudia's asked a bit and louis just#hasn't thought to explore why lestat might not want to talk about it lol#true gloomy egoist moment on louis' part haha#but what i'm getting at more is that to finally give them something really ugly in the hopes they won't ask follow up questions#is a very lestat thing to do#because it works right#it shuts down the conversation and gives them just enough for louis to feel for him and claudia to know that louis' feeling for him#and like#the concept of being kept in a room with corpses that look like you is a very different horror story#to being kept in a cell with nothing but a bed you'll be assaulted on#the trauma as something external to you versus something internal to you#i can see why lestat might throw out the external to keep the internal concealed particularly in front of claudia#given he knows how it can be weaponised / is literally about to weaponise her own assault against her#iwtv asks#iwtv 2.08#lestat asks#magnus' tower
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zahra-hydris · 10 days
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I was kind of thinking previously that the ameridan revelation would knock daewen out of her (unfortunately naive) belief that her position as inquisitor and her actions would genuinely improve the position of elves across southern thedas.
but now i'm thinking that - after her initial shock and grief at how ameridan, his friends, and his love ended up (both in terms of their actual fates and their bleaching from history) - it ultimately leads her to double down.
she cannot let that happen again. she won't.
she's gotta ensure that her legacy remains intact.
ameridan was right. they've taken so much from her. she can never go home. she's changed. her clan has changed. she's still playing the game and while she was so proud of how she'd mastered it, she feels increasingly like she's just dancing to the chantry's tune. and she's so alone. she finds comfort in briala's arms now, as well as others when she can, but she still feels... isolated, especially as her companions slowly leave.
so she actually goes into the exalted council intending to fight for the inquisition. it all has to be worth something. if she lets go now, who takes care of her legacy? what she's built for the marginalised across southern thedas, for her people? for herself? she can't trust anyone with that.
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monty-glasses-roxy · 26 days
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For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???
CAUSE I JUST DID
#SPPIIIIKKKEEEEEE I MISS YOOOUUUU#I love spike. spike the wet floor bot is my favourite. I miss her I should bring her back somehow#the first animatronic to gain sentience and awareness out of LOVE and CARE#I miss her we need to bring her back. I never made a visual design but I definitely posted some descriptions of her pretty sure#a wet floor bot... a little wonky and a little off colour. holes in it's damaged and dented casing patched up with scrap#never the same colour. always different#stickers and magnets and a lil bit of spray paint. part of an ear missing and crooked#has one of roxy's spiked bracelets around her neck with a keyring dangling from it like a tag...#she picked her own name and pronouns... doesn't really understand what they are and what they mean but she wants them#in one AU she was Roxy's little distraction. something to work on and repair while the others search the rubble of the plex for-#their friends. In another Roxy repaired her for fun unknowingly after Vanny had used her as a test subject for the virus#in another one post-ruin roxy and cassie were searching the plex for an easy animatronic for roxy to repair so cassie's dad could-#test what she'd learned about repairing them from him and found a salvageable wet floor bot#that they then wrapped in tarp and put in a shopping trolley to take her straight home and get to work on her much to the-#confusion of literally everyone as they barrel down the halls of flats with an unidentified tarp blob in a stolen shopping trolley#<- that one's Meteors AU btw. Roxy got turned into a Real Boy by the Meteor and is now living with Cassie as her adopted sister#this is just the kind of shit these two get up to all the time and no one knows who's meant to be the braincell between them because well#they keep taking turns on who the older sibling is. they keep changing it. the eldest sibling is based entirely on the situation lmao#who's bright idea was it to steal a wet floor bot? WHO KNOWS!! Cassie said 'pick an animatronic!' so they did that's all there is to it!#cassie's dad just. head in hands. as he realises. the fucking wet floor sign on wheels is sentient now.#why. why and how. terrified of the wrath of Fazbear if they find out. while she's just. trundling about.#wheels on carpet floor style. struggling but getting there. happy beeps as she pushes a ball around on the floor. living her best life.#sfdsfdsfs I fucking LOVE Spike okay I miss her I need to bring her back somehow#I could give her to mangle or sprocket in robot hell but I'm not doing much with that right now#sdhfdfsfs Chica's recipe zine starring Spike!! and every image of her is just confusion#'see? even Spike likes bananas!' Chica says as she puts one on the floor so Spike can very happily run it over.#dfsdfsds love Spike. Spike enrichment is now running random foods over because she can. and also the wheels off a toy monster truck#so she can be an ALL TERRAIN wet floor bot. make them gecko wheels like DJ's hands and she's got everyone beat lmao#she can be DJ's Uppies Buddy!!#lmao Spike I'm so sorry I've left you in the dark for so long I'm bringing you back. beloved guy of all time
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ok i might be talking complete nonsense here, but. the Strict Order as a metaphor for an author facing writer's block.
"the Strict Order abandoned the world," yeah if i wrote a sweet potato story where the main character just keeps suffering with no sign of resolution, i'd drop the story too (<- has actually done this with a tesilid fanfic orz)
"The world rejected the Strict Order's abandonment, so to keep the world going the Strict Order made Tesilid keep rewinding time." That's just like when you get stuck at a certain point in the plot and keep rewriting the events leading up to that moment to try to make it work. nods sagely i understand. i too make my OCs go through scenarios lots of times until we get it right. sometimes it takes months. sometimes it never works.
"The saintess only exists in timeline ~86," oh yes, the classic 'idk how to solve this problem so i'll introduce a new character' trick. i'm familiar
"okay but if time looping is the Strict Order rewriting the story, then why can Tesilid remember it" because the author already wrote those scenes and it'll be sad to throw them all out. and also it's a cool gimmick to have a regressor story. (<- has drastically changed the premise and worldbuilding of a story just to make an alternate timeline relevant before)
"what about ailette's existence--" same as muriel, where you insert a new character in hopes of solving a plot problem. except this time the characters write the plot themselves, because just this once you give priority to their character traits & goals rather than where you thought you wanted the plot to go. (tesilid has someone he can be himself around and who can do certain things on his behalf, instead of being fully constrained by his obligations. ailette gets insane buffs instead of being restricted by the world's difficulty.) therefore the chars now have more agency and are not only solving problems, but also taking the story in a direction you never would have thought of before. (whatever the hell tesilid and ailette are cooking rn, separately, which is surely going to result in interesting developments later on)
tldr; the strict order as a metaphor for an author who hit writer's block. their friend World Shaper inserts their OC Ailette in and their writing style is to let the characters run away with the plot. it works. world shaper and all their friends are co-writers working on the story together and reacting to it in real time.
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bahoreal · 1 year
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im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (林植 cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is 松鸦 i could use that haha and she went but the 鸦 character is awful#you could be 松雅! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
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cheecats · 2 years
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hi this is Not a request i just wanted to pop in and say Thank You for your rowanclaw posting bc i do genuinely love that guy and i’ve been focusing a lot on tawnyrowan in my fic but i have no critical thinking skills or braincells so i havent been able to dig into the Meat of his character yet
and you pointed out some stuff i hadn’t thought about!! i read avos recently but its been probably at least 5 years since i read anything else so memory?? no.
but i do love him <33 and i think sometimes about how the erins made him tawnypelt’s mate only bc they felt bad for misgendering him in the beginning and what would the world where that didn’t happen look like….hm but anyway
i will leave your inbox now sorry have a good day :)))
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Hey there!! Thank-you so much for the kind words! I'm always keen to jot down my thoughts on Rowanclaw, because there's a lot of potential for both the past origins and the future/current actions of his character to be explored upon... neither of which the Erins ever really bother to look into because they're pretty clueless and careless with the cast of characters they already have. They're always keen to just chuck out characters that aren't main players so they can introduce new protagonists which, idk, its spoiled my enjoyment of the series to say the least. Because Rowanclaw definatley isn't the only example I can think of (hell even Tawnypelt kind of fits that discarded potential vibe.)
How exciting though! Good luck with getting your fic done, I'm happy for you to use some of my ramblings to help flesh out your portrayal of Rowanclaw if it helps! Have a RowanTawny blob as a good luck charm!
-- also secret Rowan + Tawny ramblings in the og tags if anyone is interested hee-hee
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qualityrain · 6 months
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ik hny is abt satoko and her (lack of) autonomy but damn isnt it depressing to see her constantly being pressured to do something she doesnt really want to do over and over and the way she just kind of follows peoples plans like the whole time its her family then shinpei then kotaro then mitsueda and then asagiri and now asagiri wants to take something from her that to satoko losing it is worse than death and its like man. and the worst thing is that shes doing all this complying to peoples plans just so she can go back home and follow somebody elses. tachibana give her a break im begging you
#claude txt#not to bring this back to romance and shit but like yk what. maybe it is important satoko realises her feelings#on her own.#even if there is pressure. from like asagiri. for it.#she goes yk what im doing this on my own terms im writing a letter#and she realises her feelings on her own#that she chooses to keep it to herself until it is time#because yeah kotaro is lile shes naive and stuff and she is or whatever#but the facr rhat she chooses for herself despite yk kotaro.#all this to say yk that song by mitski that is like my love is mine all mine#yeah. satoko.#good god thats the only thing she chooses and fully owns herself#yk what tachibana take all her pain and give it to shinpei or something please#shinpei whump i crave it#lord shinpei rlly is the only thing she ever really chooses for her own self huh that she will#ignore tamakis advice she will ignore asagiri she will ignore kotaro and she will do this herself#its 2am i have to wake uo at 6am tmr for work pray for me#in 9 when satoko is like damn shinpei doesnt know shit abt love but i onow even less! girl i think u know more than him 💀 im sorry girl#man. shinpei would ask her constantly if she still likes him and shit and she will dodge that shit like crazy#because shinpei doesnt rllt care…all he needs is the Bare Bare Bare Minimum…#so satokos just free to dodge all the love questions w/o consequence and figure it out herself#tachibana. please. take all her pain and give it to mitsueda or something.#please. Please.#not enough shinpei suffering in hny i think (ik hes so messed up alr)#do it for me. i want him suffering.#please just let satoko be happy for once w/o strings attached
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