#sometimes i miss the windows xp days

[songofwizardry]

i miss backwards compatibility so much.

a larger-than-you'd-expect part of my life is spent discovering that i can't access a website/product/feature/what have you because 1 it requires a smartphone app, 2 there won't always be an older version of the app you can download, and 3 my phone is old and can't be updated and can't get the newer OS

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Whirling in Rags, 8 PM

"To hell with this. *I* still believe you saw the phasmid."

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "A true believer," she looks out the window. "Sometimes I still see it, too. The real memory of it. How it was there... Not the memory *of* the memory. But it's so hard to tell the two apart..."

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Rising, unfolding from the reeds on a hot summer's day... like a benevolent god.

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "Either way, I should go. Poor Morell is running a fever and I need to get him home to Jamrock. Before we overstay our welcome with Gary."

"Are you sure you don't need help getting to Gary's?"

"You do that. I'll check the traps one more time."

"Be careful out there, Lena." (Conclude.)

"It's been a pleasure, ma'am." (Conclude.)

"The rest of it is pretty grim. Thanks for bringing some light." (Conclude.)

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "Oh no. Thank you, but I can get there on my own, this old thing is gas-powered." She taps her chair. "And then a taxi home. It's not so bad."

2. "You do that. I'll check the traps one more time."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Really?"

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "Oh sweetie..." She looks at you, worried. "Please don't get stuck on a dream. Take it from me and Morell."

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - No one can STOP you from finding the phasmid.

3. "Can I have your address? Just in case there's news."

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "Okay, it's 1113 Tabernacle Road. Jamrock, but..."

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - A sigh. She doesn't think you'll need it.

6. "The rest of it is pretty grim. Thanks for bringing some light." (Conclude.)

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - "You're welcome, sweetie." She flicks a switch on her chair and the engine turns on with a whir. "I'm glad it helped you, even though it turned out to be a..." The sentence remains unfinished.

Task complete: Find the Insulindian Phasmid

+30 XP

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - A waste of time?

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - A dream?

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - A lie?

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - A *fool's hope* -- say her lips moving in silence.

LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGIST'S WIFE - Like that, she drives off. The gas engine putters quietly, as she gets to the doors -- then pushes them open. Outside the cold coastal wind blows.

KIM KITSURAGI - "We should go too."

Now we need some way to kill four minutes before we meet with the Pigs. Let's... *briefly* talk to Klaasje.

🎵 Miss Oranje Disco Dancer

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - "It's always good to see you." She cracks a weary smile, leaning back against the railing.

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - Something in her demeanour has changed. She's tired, consigned to her fate -- to being here with you and what's to come.

3. [Volition - Legendary] Look her in the eye.

+1 Slight confusion about bullet.

VOLITION [Legendary: Success] - Soft, light brown eyes look back at you, directly into the space behind your eye sockets. You see the smoke rise from between her painted red lips. She's beautiful...

I have bad news for you.

What?

VOLITION - You know these guys?

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] - Who, me?

DRAMA [Trivial: Success] - Yes, you. He's talking about you, you boring stiff.

VOLITION - You too.

DRAMA [Trivial: Success] - Me? What did I do? I'm merely a master thespian...

VOLITION - These guys are compromised. She's got them singing along to her tune. The little bleeps and bloops you trust for info -- you can't trust them anymore.

Oh my god.

What?

I knew something was off...

VOLITION - I'm sorry I didn't catch it sooner. It takes conscious effort on your part.

+5 XP

Which ones exactly are affected?

How did this happen?

Does this mean she's been lying to me?

What is her *plan*?

I've been talking to myself long enough. Let's get back to it.

VOLITION - There's no way of knowing. At the moment I'm afraid it's best to assume...

...*all* of them.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Bullshit, man, I ain't *compromised*.

VOLITION - *Especially* that guy. That guy's the most compromised one in here.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - No fucking way, man, I just want a drag of that sweet Menthol ziggie.

VOLITION - Really? Quick, tell me what's under her jumpsuit?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - GLORY. TRUTH. SOFTNESS. PROTECT HER. SHE WANTS YOU.

VOLITION - I take it back. He's got it pretty bad, but this *next guy's* on another level entirely...

SUGGESTION [Trivial: Success] - She likes you. The Crownhead is a boring condom. He's jealous. This is human nature.

2. How did this happen?

VOLITION - How it always does -- through subtlety.

What can I do?

VOLITION - There's nothing you can do about it. You are how you are -- and she is how she is. Things will go as they do.

Can't you turn them normal again?

VOLITION - No.

What use is this then?

VOLITION - It's better to know you're being played than to be played without knowing it, is it not?

3. Does this mean she's been lying to me?

VOLITION - I think it's safe to assume: yes. Mr. Thespian here hasn't been speaking up. If he were, I suspect there would be paeans to her truthfulness. Like this...

DRAMA [Easy: Success] - She isth a laedy most fair and juste!

VOLITION - In his defence -- to reduce him to such inadequacy, she probably had to employ half-truths more often than outright lies.

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - That is correct. And omissions too.

Can I trust that guy?

VOLITION - A little. They're all still of limited use, interpreting things to the best of their ability. Maybe they add flair or something? I wouldn't know. I don't add flair.

But when it comes to assessments of character and factual accuracy they are not to be trusted. Not with her.

Can I trust any of them *ever again?*

Okay.

VOLITION - Don't be melodramatic. You can trust them. Just not with Miss Oranje Disco Dancer here."

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Challenging: Success] - A light green speck, and imperfection, on the outer rim of her right iris. It sparkles...

4. What is her *plan*?

VOLITION - You can't draw a sound conclusion. The one who usually does says...

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - She may want to control the information roll-out -- not to become a suspect. She may have a past she's escaping, unrelated to this case. You doubt it's something truly insidious.

VOLITION - See? It's oddly moderate. Probably compromised.

5. I've been talking to myself long enough. Let's get back to it.

VOLITION - Don't worry, it's only been four or five seconds. You've got this.

It's actually been *fifteen minutes*, but ok.

(Say it out loud.) "Miss, are you manipulating me?"

(Don't say anything.) Just close your eyes and let the moment pass.

Probably better not to let her know we're onto her.

VOLITION - For a second her face disappears from your cornea. Only a silvery negative remains.

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - Still smiling a tired smile.

6. "Let's return to this later, miss." [Leave.]

We have an appointment to keep.

🎵 Disco Elysium, Pt 2

🔊 Police Sirens

THE PIGS - "Put your hands where I can see them," the ageing woman under a mountain of police paraphernalia mumbles to herself, then notices you and reaches for the megaphone...

"Show me your hands. This is the Pigs. Show me your hands *RIGHT NOW*," she screams in the megaphone. "SHOW ME YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW!"

Scavenged battery-powered police lights protrude from her back. The flickering light-show reveals a gun in her shaking hand.

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] - Her hand is trembling from some sort of neurodegenerative disease.

The lieutenant draws his gun.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Madam! Please drop the firearm immediately!"

"Wait, what should we do, Kim?"

Raise your hands.

"Easy, ma'am, take it easy…"

KIM KITSURAGI - "This is bad," the lieutenant whispers. "Getting your weapon back is the priority. We can't have an unhinged civilian running around with a gun."

THE PIGS - "COMPLY, OR I WILL LIGHT YOU THE FUCK UP!" she continues to yell as she lumbers about.

Raise your hands.

THE PIGS - "The man appears to be pulling out an object from his pocket!" Her eyes fill with terror. "FEAR UNDER THREAT! FEAR UNDER THREAT!"

"Superseding event! Split-second decision! Get on the ground! GET ON THE GODDAMN GROUND!"

"I wasn't taking anything out of my pocket."

"Ma'am, we just wanna talk to you."

THE PIGS - "Subject yourself to a FULL BODY CAVITY SEARCH! PROHIBITED MATERIALS CONCEALED IN NOSTRILS, EARS, MOUTH, NAVEL, URETHRA, FORESKIN, VAGINA, AND RECTUM!"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - In her mind the cavity search is happening, as long as she's saying it. It appears the things she says are very real to her.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Be careful, detective. Don't do anything that might set her off."

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - The situation looks bad. Calm yourself. Steady your breathing.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [Medium: Success] - This is dangerous. You're 70% certain you always leave your gun loaded.

"We can solve this peacefully, please lower the weapon."

"Please identify yourself, ma'am?"

"You're not the police. *We* are the police."

[Hand/Eye Coordination - Formidable 13] Time to get my gun!

"Doesn't look good. Let's deal with this later." [Leave.]

THE PIGS - "OFFICER IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE!" Her eyes dart between you and Kim. "SUSPECT AT LARGE, GET ON THE GROUND!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Ma'am, please..." The lieutenant is trying to maintain eye-contact. "We want to help you, but you need to lower that weapon."

"Let's just talk, alright?"

"That's it, you're under arrest!"

"Blow her away, lieutenant!"

THE PIGS - "Disturbance reported, authorize deadly force. SECTOR, TAKE THE SHOT!" Her head snaps at you. "BIG RED KEY, BIG RED KEY!"

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Big red key? That's code for the battering ram. Cop talk. You know this.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - What happened to make her like this?

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Loneliness.

INTERFACING - Yes, sure. But also -- in a less abstract way -- the neurodegenerative disease I mentioned earlier.

"Ma'am, we're here to help. Tell us what's wrong."

THE PIGS - The woman looks at you, but through you. Like you don't exist. Her eyes gleam feverishly and the rotating police-beacon lights reveal deep scratch marks on her cheeks.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - Recent. Self-inflicted.

THE PIGS - "THIS IS THE POLICE!" She howls through her megaphone. "UNLAWFUL ENGAGEMENT. HANDS ON THE GROUND, SCUM-BAG!"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - So this is what the weather's like on the other end of a cop's gun?

"Kim?"

"I hear you, ma'am, look..." (Start slowly bending over.) "...hands going on the ground."

"We *just* want to help, that's all."

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant's eyes stay fixed on the woman and her gun -- he studies them closely, then mumbles: "Fascinating."

"See?" He glances at you. "This is what happens, when we're not around."

"Please identify yourself, ma'am?"

THE PIGS - "IT'S THE GODDAMN POLICE, SHIT-BAG," she yells into the megaphone. "HUG THE PAVEMENT, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - As she waves her hands, you notice familiar-looking ampoules and packets sticking out the mountain of police gear on her back. Medicine? Or drugs?

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - She thinks she's a police officer... Try treating her like a police officer. A *lower-ranking* police officer.

"Officer, Pigs! Double-yefreitor Harrier Du Bois, requesting your sidearm for inspection." (Hold out your badge.)

"Are you on drugs?"

"You're not the police. *We* are the police."

[Hand/Eye Coordination - Formidable 13] Time to get my gun!

"Doesn't look good. Let's deal with this later." [Leave.]

THE PIGS - "CONFISCATED CONTRABAND!" The megaphone makes her voice almost painfully metallic. "RESTRICTED ACCESS, TWO KILOS MISSING, EYE-WITNESS REPORT COMPROMISED!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "I don't think she's on drugs," the lieutenant whispers. "Being *off* drugs might actually be the problem here..."

"Officer, Pigs! Double-yefreitor Harrier Du Bois, requesting your sidearm for inspection." (Hold out your badge.)

THE PIGS - "Wh... what?" She lowers the megaphone and stares at the gun in her hand.

"Patrol officer, you're in gross violation of the RCM Code of Conduct."

"Just lower the gun, officer."

"That's right, Pigs, give me the gun. It will be alright. It's mine."

THE PIGS - "Sir..." She hesitates, looking around in confusion. The three barrelled pepperbox wavers in her hand.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - In this moment of hesitation she almost doesn't seem disturbed, but like someone suddenly waking from a deep sleep.

"Patrol officer, I have to sign you up for a disciplinary hearing…" (Slowly shake your head.)

"Please, Pigs, just give me the gun."

"It's okay, ma'am. Everything's gonna be alright."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Easy..." the lieutenant whispers. "Press her too hard and she'll..."

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - Too late, lieutenant.

THE PIGS - With a swift, poorly coordinated move the woman slams the megaphone against her lips and teeth. A trickle of blood runs down her chin. She doesn't notice it.

"OFFICER COMPROMISED, UNLAWFUL IMPERSONATION! PIGS *EN ROUTE*, ENGAGE AT WILL!!!"

SUGGESTION - Okay, she's actually *more* agitated now. My bad.

"You're not the police. *We* are the police."

THE PIGS - "Back-up?" She lowers the megaphone half-way, but immediately raises it again and screams: "BACK-UP, BACK-UP! STATUS UNCONFIRMED!"

"Baby, you know who I am -- everybody knows." (Wink.)

"*Back-up*?! There's nothing to back up, nowhere to back down -- the terrible finale is on us!"

"Me, back-up? More like a fuck-up…"

"I'm with the Remote Viewers Division."

"Lieutenant double-yefreitor Harrier Du Bois, 41st Precinct. This is my partner, Lieutenant Kitsuragi, from the 57th."

THE PIGS - "No," the crazed woman mumbles, shaking her head. "No, no, no... I though Mr. Morrand... Gareth..." Suddenly she raises the megaphone and screams: "AGGRAVATED ASSAULT, MAN DOWN, OFFICERS IN PURSUIT!"

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - There's a scenario unfolding in her head right now. It has nothing to do with what's happening here.

KIM KITSURAGI - "What's the situation..." the lieutenant hesitates addressing the woman, "... officer?"

THE PIGS - "LAW ENFORCEMENT COMPROMISED," she screams in the megaphone. Red and blue lights illuminate the spit flying everywhere. "IMPERSONATING A POLICE OFFICER!"

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Does she not believe you two are actually police officers?

"Wait, what if she's right and I actually *am* an imposter?"

"We really are cops. Look, white rectangles!"

"We really are cops. Look, my badge…" (Take out your badge and show it to her.)

"Hey, you're the one impersonating a police officer!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Now..." the lieutenant takes a deep breath and steadies his voice, "... is not the time."

2. "We really are cops. Look, my badge..." (Take out your badge and show it to her.)

THE PIGS - "LICENCE AND REGISTRATION!!!" She repeatedly bashes the megaphone against her head, then screams in the bloody mouthpiece: "LICENCE AND REGISTRATION! COME IN DISPATCH! SECTOR, SECTOR, AZIMUTH!!!"

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - It's not a code. Just disjointed words.

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - She's losing it -- one twitch and there will be blood.

Nothing left to do but try for the gun.

[Hand/Eye Coordination - Formidable 13] Time to get my gun!

+1 This is the Pigs. +1 Rogue cop on the loose.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [Formidable: Success] - Alright, here's how we do it: As soon as that gun isn't pointed at you again, you dash right, then immediately close the distance. Left hand grabs the barrel, right one breaks the wrist...

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - No. That won't be necessary. Look closer. The gun, all three barrels, red and blue light shining through -- it's not loaded.

(Whisper.) "Kim, I'm almost certain there are no bullets in that gun."

"My god, it's not loaded... The gun isn't loaded!"

"Ma'am, the weapon you're holding is mine and I *know* it has no bullets."

"Go ahead, pull the trigger. I dare you."

KIM KITSURAGI - "I've been thinking that too. But it's impossible to tell for certain in these lighting conditions."

2. "Ma'am, the weapon you're holding is mine and I *know* it has no bullets."

THE PIGS - "What...?" The woman looks at the weapon in disbelief, her eyes suddenly reddish with tears. She looks straight down the barrel... and squeezes the trigger.

"Wait..."

THE PIGS - A click. Nothing happens. She looks at the useless weapon. "This isn't police issue. Police weapons have bullets. This isn't real! What is this?"

The sirens stop.

The gun lands on the wooden planks and tears run down her scratched cheeks. "Police guns always have bullets... What is this? Why did you sell me this?"

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - She looks devastated.

INTERFACING [Trivial: Success] - Grab the gun! Right now! This might be your *ONLY* chance.

(Pick up your gun.)

"I'm done with this gun." (Leave it behind forever.)

Item Gained: Villiers 9mm Pepperbox Pistol

THE PIGS - "No one ever cares anymore," her voice is growing fainter as she rocks back and forth, slowly. "Why would they cheat me like this..."

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Great gears are grinding to a halt. The machine is powering down. She's all out of jolt.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Poor woman..." The lieutenant holsters his pistol. "We need to figure out what to do with her now."

Task complete: Confront the Pigs and get your gun back

+30 XP

Level up!

THE PIGS - "Nobody's ever around," the old woman mumbles, staring blank at the boardwalk, "nobody ever comes to visit me."

"You're not alone. We're all here."

"What do you think is happening to her?"

"Should we just arrest her?" (Proceed.)

THE PIGS - The woman stands in front of you, motionless, unresponsive. Almost like an inanimate object now. A mountain of police paraphernalia.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - In there she is alone, trapped in a world of blue and red lights.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Her children and their children, if there were any, stopped coming when it got really bad.

2. "What do you think is happening to her?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "She's in a stupor," the lieutenant replies, inspecting the catatonic woman standing in the dark. "I've seen this before. God knows for how long... Could be days when they get like this."

"But why was she like this in the first place?"

"Understood."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Honestly, I don't know. Dementia, probably," he lowers his voice. "Dementia and Channel 8. And loneliness."

Nod. "Neurodegenerative disease."

"Yes. This is what happens when you listen to too many cop shows on the radio."

"You're probably right." (Nod.) "Loneliness."

"I guess we'll never know."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Could be," agrees the lieutenant. "Her hands were trembling and she did seem uncoordinated... But what are we gonna do with her?"

3. "Should we just arrest her?" (Proceed.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "I don't think there's any need for that. In her current state -- and without the gun -- she isn't really a threat to anyone."

"We could let Titus know. This is a perfect problem for the local 'peacekeepers' to handle. They might even know her family."

"Wait, I was really hoping I can give her one of those station call slips..."

"Yeah, Titus sounds like the man for the job."

"I don't want to endorse the Hardie boys' inflated sense of self-worth. They're not cops -- we are."

"I think we can just leave her like this. She'll be fine."

I don't think any other option here is worth considering.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Then we can ask him once we get back to the Whirling. But we have to hurry, cause it's late and they might have already gone home."

New task: Hardie and the Pigs

"But I think we're done here for now. Let's head out, this is done."

THE PIGS - As you turn to leave, the faintest of voices comes from the woman. "Please, leave the radio on..." she mutters. It seems like a reflex, a half-remembered sentence.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Reflex to what? Being left alone?

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] - Exactly. With only the voice of Gareth Morrand to accompany her on Channel 8.

INTERFACING [Easy: Success] - She stands motionless. Just a heap of clothes and flashers now -- maybe if you search her once more?

VILLIERS 9MM PEPPERBOX PISTOL

Equip this when times are most dire.

A three-shot revolving barrel Villiers-LaSalle pepperbox, typically assigned to officers of the RCM upon reaching the rank of sergeant. The butt of the gun is worn and the engraving on the side reads: Sunrise, Parabellum! This is *your gun*, no doubt about it.

Let's break here.

[vadapega]

Rummaging through my old room I find this, a traditional flip note of Pantufa the Cat from 2011 or earlier, with rusty staples and, according to the numbers on the corner, missing frames.

For detailed ramblings of hidden memories this unlocked, click for more

I've always wanted to be an animator and, while I didn’t have the software or hardware for digital animation, I wanted to practice is as much as I could. This was the best I could put together at the age of 16.

I would do small scale animations at the edges of notebooks or draft ideas in comic form with notes before I knew what a Storyboard was. Back then I didn't even have a stable internet connection in the first place, this was around the time I had to share a PC with my older brother who would kick me out at any opportunity and hog the PC for the entire day, only letting me on at the last minute, where I would get an earful from my parents and be told to go to bed, it was a nightmare to do anything digitally...

The first drawing tablet I got was considered scrap the moment I got it for Christmas. No screen, wobbly inaccurate pen (can't draw a straight line without it looking like lightning), Silvercrest branded (basically, LIDL), it was as cheap as it could be but it was my introduction to "not using the mouse to draw" which it did not help with as even today revisiting it makes me want to draw with a mouse more.

Things were very strict and if something did what it needed to do, it didn't need to be replaced. "That's what I had been taught"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" was the motto for my family and that mentality stuck to me even to the present day. I still find myself using MSPaint for Pixelart or drawings, as spending for anything greater is hardwired in my brain as "unnecessary" or "wasteful", hell, I wasn't even allowed to spend money outside of school purchases such as at the cafeteria (they had a kickass card charging system which made the school I attended in Germany around 2016-2019 look medieval in comparison which is incredible since Portugal isn't the first thing you think of when it comes to technological advancements), so any money I would get for Christmas or birthdays was practically useless and I never learned to manage income. I would sometimes find my mom take the money off my piggy bank for groceries and other goods when she was running low, she didn't try to lie, she had no reason to.

Anything I can get for free is what I stick by and I'll only spend money if I absolutely have to or, more recently, if it benefited close friends in any way, as I've learned to have no regard for my own well being and should be ashamed for even considering it, others always take priority.

So when it comes to animation today, I have a "yar har" version of Toon Boom Studio 8.0 for bigger things (I've tried OpenToonz but it's very crash happy and I've lost hours of animation with it even with the backup and auto save features on, back in the day I had a a copy of Flash CS4 I grabbed from the school computers that I got to work after some tinkering and a well placed crack) and for Pixelart I just use Windows XP's MSPaint and abuse scroll-wheel and window resizing shenanigans to advance frames. I don't get much time to practice animation and I get easily excited to have a chance at it.

I'm under my own mental shackles at all times and that's not going to change, only further cemented by the elitist mindset the Sonic Hacking community and SRB2 had taught me, a mindset I regret adopting and one I catch myself going back to and feeling ashamed of every now and then, leading only to depressive episodes that are best left for a psychologist to deal with... should I ever find the opportunity to seek one without time and language barrier issues.

As the years go by and I find myself doing or just refining Pixelart than to do animated pieces, I've given up hope in being an animator in the foreseeable future, only dedicating animation to those done in private between friends, never allowing myself to clean up or refining it in any meaningful way unless asked for because I shouldn't. It's why I tend to ask for suggestions or characters to add for animations I plan to do, cause I don't want it to be for me, I want it to be for those I can make happy to see it.

---

Before I hit "Post", a reminder that there are people much worse off than I am, these are just memories and 1st world problems and should be nobody's priority. Please support growing young artists and animators, they need it more than some washed up wanna-be animator that is known for nothing else but basic Sonic ROM hacks disguised to look impressive via a coat of MSPaint.

[beaubambabey]

Before I flew out to Japan I lost the pen for my tablet PC. This absolutely sucked. So hard. It was maybe three days before my flight. I was planning on doing some (not a lot but some) digital art during my down time just to get back into the swing of things. So I did some research and found that Yes, I can buy just about any Windows Ink compatible stylus and have it work for my Dell XPS 13 2-in-1, No, it doesn't have to be the Dell Premium Active XP Pen I'd been using since I got this laptop. This is the story of my quest to replace my tablet pen.

So I had my dad drive me to Best Buy to get my hands on a Wacom Bamboo Ink stylus. Tried it out in the car, worked fine, thought that would be enough for me.

I was wrong. About me, at least. Since I'm kind of a picky bastard.

The thing that I liked and got used to with the Dell Premium Active XP Pen was the rubber tipped nib. Pen pressure? That's variable and I can work around fewer levels or whatever. The nib though? I loved the slight drag and resistance of it. It helped make my lines smooth and I developed most of my current art style around the way I could make waves and curves work in my lines.

The Wacom Bamboo Ink stylus has a plastic tipped nib. It feels too slippery for me. I could mitigate this by getting a screen protector for my laptop, but that's a whole other story and not even the biggest problem I have with this. The biggest problem is consistent functionality. I often have to press buttons just to get it to stay working in the correct mode. Considering how it only draws on my tablet in one single mode, this gets kind of inconvenient. That on top of not feeling *juuuust right*? Guess it's getting relegated to a backup.

During my research on replacement pens, however, I learned that there's a rechargeable version of the Wacom Bamboo Ink called the Ink Plus. The Wacom Bamboo Ink Plus was not available anywhere that wasn't online prior to my trip. When I was in Japan, I decided "Hey, you're here, in Wacom's home country, during a time where the currency is weaker than the currency of your own country. Let's go to an electronics store!"

Big mistake. Because Japanese electronics stores are very different from American ones. They are terrifying.

Yodobashi Camera is a Japanese electronics chain store that is several stories tall and has many floors to get lost in. The walls are stark white and the lights are blinding as the speakers sing of the best deals possible while everything beeps around you. It probably didn't help that I went to the one in Akihabara but y'know. I went in, got help from like three separate employees trying to buy it, and spent 2/3 of what I would've to get it shipped to me in the states. Showing my passport off to get it tax-free probably helped too. Either way, it was twice the price of what I paid for the non-rechargable cousin of this stylus and the few Reddit posts I found about comparable alternatives to the Dell Premium Active XP Pen said that this one with the blue pen nib was the better alternative.

There's a very frustrating quirk about this one. Similar to its non-rechargable cousin, it also struggles with consistent functionality in a way that is even more unique. Specifically in that it wiggles. It makes my straight lines wavy. On top of how it will sometimes forget that I'm trying to draw with pen pressure and automatically pretend like I'm not pushing hard at all, which compels me to push harder on my screen. Which tends to put undue stress on a glass surface and can lead to cracking. I tried all three nibs and they all have the same issue. I even figured out how to connect it to Bluetooth which supposedly helps and it still did it.

Absolute pain in the ass. I miss my old pen. Yeah, the exterior was peeling and I had to tape it up just to keep the body of it protected, but at least it only stopped working once a year when I needed to change the AAAA battery.

[niconiconwo]

About the only thing you don't get on Windows that I do miss is make. I am not a fan of MSBuild and XML at all.

It's not like the ME/XP days, there is not a whole lot of technical reason to rag on Windows anymore. Plenty of bullshit otherwise to be sure but on technical merit Windows is about even with the average linux desktop box and sometimes better due to higher compat and being the dominant target platform.

[cdroloisms]

I just had an idea plaguing me involving sensory deprivation, what if just Dream goes hard on jumping on lava too much, Warden just blockades that lava with obsidian, it goes on for months, and when they discovered that its far too long, Dream has long broken anything he can break despite the mining fatigue, there's no light, just a perfect square box of obsidian and one block of water, they find the one they trapped in soltitude either in the corner farthest from the water, or in the water, Dream being too deprived of anything other than the heat of the blocks or too used in the wetness of the pool that is often in near boiling temps.

(If its alright can I go for anon XP?)

XP

RIGHT,, the cell is such a terrible place i cant imagine that staying somewhere like that would be good for ANYONE for extended periods of time ,, on top of the already abysmal human interaction that place. is such a hellhole. (and sure thing XP!) 

i kinda took this in a completely different (and fluffier) direction, but yeah !! post-prison c!dream is gonna have a lot to work through LMAO 

tw: sensory overload, mentioned injuries (aftermath of torture), panic attacks, sensory deprivation and self-destruction in ask

“Shit!”

Techno watches quietly as Dream stumbles into the couch (again) and bursts into a flurry of curses (again). Ever since leaving the prison, Dream’s been improving substantially, had grown strong enough to start moving outside of his room a week or so back, and his injuries seem to be manageable enough today for the other man to actually walk around instead of staying in bed the entire day. By all means, it should be a decent day; Dream groans, again, flopping onto the couch and immediately burying his hands in his hair, which seems to be as good of a sign as any that it isn’t one.

“Hey, nerd,” Techno walks over, not missing the way Dream flinches at the sound of his voice, burying his head further into the cushions of the couch he’s lying on. “What’s up?”

“The sky,” Dream mutters, sounding murderous, and Techno reevaluates again. If his rival is feeling good enough to snark, then he’s probably not doing too bad.

“That’s the oldest reply in the book to that question, you know,” he drawls, deadpan, as he goes to get some breakfast for himself and a glass of water, at least, for his disgruntled guest, “I’m almost disappointed.”

“Sorry if I’m a bit rusty. It’s hardly like there was any way to practice socializing in the prison,” Dream huffs, annoyance coloring his words. “I’d hardly consider Quackity a good conversation partner.”

“Fair enough.” He reaches for the pitcher, filling the glass halfway with water and grabbing a straw from counter to place in the cup. Dream groans again, ignoring him as he puts the glass down on the table at the end of the couch. He makes no move towards it, and Techno watches him for a few seconds, trying to decide whether or not the concern is worth it. Babyrage, Chat states sagely, and Techno shakes his head. Probably not.

“You should probably drink some water,” Techno says before leaving to go train, because he’s a decent person and wants to help even if he has no idea how to handle the pile of person lying unresponsive on his couch at the minute, grumbling to himself and completely ignorant of everything outside of his own little bubble, “I’m going to go out and train for a bit.”

Unfortunately, when he comes back, the water is still full and Dream’s still lying on the couch, though he’s moved slightly from the morning. Where he’d been relatively splayed out earlier, legs straight and arms in front of him much like a stretching cat, he’s all hunched up into a ball now, arms crossed over the back of his head and knees tucked under his chest. Techno’s half convinced that the other is sleeping, but the sound of the door closing has him curling even more into himself with a full-body flinch that has him hesitating in the middle of hanging his cloak up. Chat yells at him, not making his life any easier

babyrage?

Dream crying?

is he okay?

E E E E

“Dream?” Dream jerks back, again at his words, arms pressing tighter over his head, and Techno frowns at the clear negative reaction. Yeah, Dream has times where he’d be panicking too hard to realize that the person calling for him is an ally and not an enemy, but this doesn’t look exactly like a panic attack, or anything he’s seen from the other man before. He looks more - frustrated, almost, but not exactly, something more desperate clinging to the ways he moves and the curl of his spine as he huddles into himself on the couch. Chat, as it usually does when he’s faced with any problem that can’t be immediately solved with a sword, goes to its only other option.

call phil

Phil !!

dadza

philza Pog

“Quiet, Chat,” he mutters to himself, frowning when Dream seizes, again, at the sound. “Fine. We’ll call Phil.”

---

Phil enters the house with a relatively bemused expression, one of his crows perched, self-satisfied, on the top of his hat, and Techno winces around Chat’s usual overenthusiastic greeting as Phil and his crows ease themselves into the hallway. His eyes flick to Dream, who has yet to move from his ball on the couch, and Phil’s gaze follows his own.

“He alright, mate?” Phil frowns, and Techno’s hand raises to the back of his neck sheepishly.

“He seems fine, physically, but he’s been on the couch all day,” he shrugs. “It’s pretty normal for the nerd, but he seems a little- more out of it, than normal, and Chat recommended calling you, and-” he falters, flailing his arms in a helpless attempt to explain. “Yeah.”

Phil, being Phil (and by that, he means being the best person on this entire hell of a server), takes his explanation with little questioning and moves towards the unmoving lump on the couch, leaving Techno to trail awkwardly behind, surrounded on all sides by a flurry of black feathers. Dream hardly moves on the couch, making some sort of strangled noise that could be a “Hi Phil” and could just be a low groan. Phil watches him with a quizzical look for a few seconds before looking up at Techno.

“Techno, can you close the blinds for a second? I want to try something.”

“Uh,” Techno shrugs, going to the windows. Anything for Phil, Chat chants, and well, he’s not exactly going to disagree. “Sure.”

A few minutes later, the windows are all closed, the smallest slivers of light shining through the closed curtains and into the otherwise dark room. On the couch, Dream visibly loosens, just a little, and Phil smiles.

“That’s what I thought.” Phil turns back to Dream, pitching his voice low. “That better, mate?”

Dream makes another incomprehensible sound, but this one sounds much more agreeable and less like the other man is on the verge of murdering someone, and Techno’s kind of floundering, but who’s to judge? Phil! Chat chants again, philza Pog and here, at least, their sentiments match his own. Phil is just magic, sometimes. It happens.

Phil laughs, low and soft, looking over at him from the corner of his eye.

“I think it was just too loud for him, mate,” he says, guiding them out of the room into the hallway, and Techno’s confusion must show on his face because Phil’s hands move in front of him, gesturing vaguely as he explains. “I doubt the cell had a lot of- sights, or sounds, and he was stuck in there for a while. Everything out here is so different- his brain must’ve just shorted out. Overloaded.”

Overload- sensory overload- oh. That makes…a lot more sense.

Chat immediately starts screaming, and Techno grumbles, feeling a headache of his own creeping up from the back of his skull. “Quiet, Chat, you guys weren’t all that helpful either,” Phil laughs again, used to his tirades against Chat, and fondness swells in his chest even as he focuses on the crowds spamming E and not pog in his head again. “And to be fair, sensory overload looks way different from the outside compared to when you’re the one going through it.”

Even through the usual annoyance at Chat, Techno feels for Dream - overload is annoyingly common phenomenon for him, between the mess that makes up Chat and his usual mess of a brain, and he sympathizes with the days where his skull feels too small for his brain and everything is edging on the side of too loud and too bright. He feels a little dumb for not realizing it earlier, and Chat’s repeated calls of L are hardly making him feel better, but oh well. As long as there isn’t anything seriously wrong with the nerd.

He’ll have to look into some ear muffs or something in the meantime.

[inorganicorganism]

This next story might contain triggers for some people, so therefore a warning. I just need to get this off my chest and please do not feel obligated to read this thing.

This is gonna sound stupid, but lately I've been really missing my teen years. Not because they were so great, but more because I feel like I missed out on a lot of things.

I miss being the emo kid with skinny jeans that were too tight, 5 belts in all different colors and patterns, straightened hair in front of my face and the flick you did when hair got too much in front of your eyes.

I miss the old Tumblr where I would spend days scrolling on my windows xp pc through blogs with depressing content because I was not okay. I miss how easy things were. The days where on a sunny day I would just put on some music on YouTube, scroll through Tumblr, sit in my open window smoking a cigarette and just spend the day like that. Wondering if I would break my legs if I jumped, before getting back inside to put on some other music and scroll a bit more.

Like I said, these weren't the best years of my life, on the contrary. I was struggling with depression/dysthymia (still am tho), undiagnosed ADD, self harm and low self esteem/worth.

Even though my self esteem/worth has gotten worse, the add has been officially diagnosed and I have meds for dysthymia, I can’t help missing the good old bad days.

I feel like I am not allowed to feel bad because I got most of my life in order. I'm living with my girlfriend with our two cats, I'm in my last year of school, I have friends and I got hobbies, but sometimes I get nostalgic to back when I didn't have all these responsibilities.

I still can remember the scents, the place, the whole setting from the "sunny scroll through Tumblr and wonder how much damage jumping out the window would do to my body" days.

Sometimes I just miss feeling bad. Getting only 2 hours of sleep each night, the self harm, everything. And tonight is one of those nights.

[artemisconfessional]

The Beggining

My mind tends to forget, even significant experiences. Nevertheless I'm starting my DeLorean, ready to travel to the 00's. Oh yes, those low waisted jeans, Windows XP, and Paris Hilton.

I was born on the first Sunday of March. The last breath of the XX century was in the air, as the world was about to experience the birth of a new milennium. Although I was a witness, as a baby I ignored such extraordinary event, and spent my first months of life close to my mother's breasts, sleeping pacefully and watching my reality from my fragile, innocent and pure perspective.

Time passed by, and after a few years, I started to explore the world thanks to my physical and cognitive maturing, which was healthy and as a consequence, in the average.

During my childhood I developed my imagination as much as I could. My condition as an only child made me spend more time alone, which encouraged me to build, design and create diverse places, stories and characters, which edulcorated my daily life.

I also started to experience friendship. I was a curious, extrovert girl, so I didn't have problems to talk with other people, it didn't matter if adults or other children. My classmates found my drawing skills as "cool", nevertheless sports and competitiveness weren't my strong points, so I felt a little bit rejected when it came the time of forming groups in P.E. or whatever. This feeling also appeared when I received some childish comments regarding my red hair.

But bullying as such didn't protagonized this period of my life. In fact I had two best friends and some close ones. I felt lucky to have good friends and I didn't felt alone in that sense. During this stage, I felt for the first time something similar to "being attracted" to someone. I really liked one classmate, and suddenly became aware of this (and tried to hide it, obviously). How cute... isn't it?

But now, thanks to my learning and perspective, I must say that there were two people who really made an impact on me, and influenced me in a deep, constant and significant manner: my father's parents. My grandparent has been one of the most important persons for me. I learned so much from him. He taught me to meditate (he travelled to Japan twice), he encouraged me to draw, he made me reflect (as much as a 7 year-old girl can) about emotional intelligence, love and many practical topics of life. For example, every time we had a walk to my school (which was 5 days a week for 6 years), I asked him something. I remember I asked him once: "Grandpa, where does hiccup come from?". Or while having luch, he sometimes grabbed a peice of fruit and said: "This is going to be a part of Pepe"; which meant that we are what we eat. And that affirmation was as simple as true. I miss him so much... As I grow older, I find the great impact he made on me. I wish I could meet him now, but he left when I was 12 years old, due to a cognitive degeneration desease. That helped me to understand that what we are, our humanity and individuality is somewhere between our ears. And it's as fascinating as mysterious.

As my grandparent tought me metaphorical and spiritual things of life, my grandmother tought me practical and physical things of life through love, compassion and comprehension. She was my second mother. I cooked with her uncountable times, we laughed, we cried, she listened to me, we painted together, we had great dinners and lunch, she told me her life story, we read books...

This really hurts. I lost her last October. She was apparently perfect until she was diagnosed with cancer in metastasis stage. She died two weeks later.

But that's another story. Now, I honour them remembering what they left: love, innumerable lessons and special mundane memories which are now part of me.

In fact, I would say that my childhood ended when my grandfather died. For a few years I struggled with growing older: one part of me didn't want to leave that stage of my life which was comfortable, nice and paceful, but at the same time another part of me pushed me to give a step forward, because the world I was living in was more complex and I had to understand it. And for such a task the situation required me to mature.

[thetalentedmripley]

hi i ADORE your blog!!!!! you are an amazing human being and I am so glad I found you on this hellsite (affectionate). n e ways, I have tons of questions and idk if u answered already bc my memory is shit so sorry if you’ve already answered in the past! in no particular order: favourite colour? maybe a uquiz recommendation? the best book to film adaptation (any genre really)? if u could travel back in time, when and where would you go? how do you like your tea (if you like tea, that is. if not, what’s your favourite drink?)? what are 5 things that made you happy today? what’s your favourite place in the world and why? favourite planet/star? all time favourite artist/your favourite artist(s) of the moment? thoughts on the Very Serious cereal & milk debate (hah, my phone corrected milk to milf... not that I use that word often ofc haha ha...) : which one comes first? whilst we’re on that topic, which came first, the chicken or the egg? why did the chicken cross the road? do you think life has a meaning? do you believe in fate? do you believe in astrology? what are your thoughts on apple products? how are you feeling, right now and in general?

okay I might have gotten carried away . oopsie doopsie anyway I hope u have an AMAZING day!!!!! I love you!!!!

HI omg ok before i answer these (which i am very excited to do, by the way) i absolutely demand that you dm me so i can know who you are bc this is just so kind and sweet and it honestly made my week!!!! <3

-my favorite color is lavender/periwinkle, the middle ground between those

-idk which quiz to recommend so here’s one i made last year: https://uquiz.com/B8jZnM

-carrie is probably my favorite book-to-movie, at least in terms of doing the book justice

-hmMmmmmm i think i’d go to ancient greece and absorb as much knowledge about their secret rites and rituals as possible

-tea is my absolute favorite drink!!!! ok so my favorite is harney and son’s “victorian london fog” which is an amazing earl grey,,, and i drink it w a bit of sugar and a dash of oat milk

-5 things that made me happy today: receiving this ask, chicken nuggets, my dog, a very nice customer at work, and nick from new girl.

-i honestly don’t know what my favorite place in the world is because i don’t think i’ve found it yet

-the andromeda constellation is my fav bc i loved it as a kid for some reason

-i literally cannot choose a favorite artist bc i love so many but i recently started listening to boy pablo and i am now a big fan

-i pour my cereal first, but power to anyone who can put the milk first and get the ratio right (also i laughed so hard at the milf thing pls)

-chicken nuggets came first, actually

-the chicken crossed the road bc he wanted to recreate the famous beatles abbey road album cover

-i think life has a meaning if you give it one !

-i do believe in fate :) 

-astrology is weird bc i believe in it but i also dont?? like it can be very accurate sometimes but that’s also just confirmation bias. idk how much i identify with my own sign (sagittarius) and supposedly id fall under that 13th zodiac sign if it was accepted (ophiuchus)

-i use mostly apple products and have adapted to them but sometimes i really miss Windows xp ya know??

-right now i feel content and a little sleepy!! in general i feel okay i think :) been better, been worse

<333 thank u again for these questions i had fun thinking about them !!! ily <3

[raccoonpoptart]

main six with a demigod mc

part two! nsfw ✨

warnings: mentions of sex (it is eros we’re talking about)

genderneutral!

this was requested by @swimmingtragedyobservation ! thank you :) i used this post as a reference, as well as this website. this ended up being super long so i had to edit it a lot 🍓 i think this will be a series now hehe also can you tell muriel is my favorite omg

In this, mc will be a child of Eros (love and sex). Children of eros tend to be very flirty, mischievous, and even sometimes cunning. they are very attractive, keeping a youthful look even as they get older. in some cases, children of eros are fiercely compassionate and loyal to those they care about. Some of their abilities include (only listing the ones that will be mentioned): emotional energy beam, shield of love, archery, relationship detector, feelings manipulation (will only be used in a positive way~). they can even create wings and fly for short periods of time. i like to think children of eros have an aura that radiates pure love.

Asra

you probably only flirted with him once and he was head over heels for you (without you even meaning for it to happen)

both of you have beautiful hair and skin, people tend to be very jealous of how soft and youthful you both always look

you two are ‪inseparable‬! always kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. basically always touching in some way

once tried to prove how much he loved you, but you did him one better and used your love for him to create an energy beam and burned your names together inside a heart into a fallen tree

he cried

teases you by saying it’s surprising you didn’t use your powers to make him love you as much as he does because he loves you a LOT

constantly tells you how beautiful/handsome you are (let’s be honest, he’s always showering you with all kinds of compliments)

tries to play matchmaker for people with you (“mc, do you want to grab your bow and play cupid today~”)

asks you to use some of your energy to make love potions more potent 🌸 he LOVES love (you even help with sex potions or charms)

you help him with love readings for people when he does tarot

always so amazed whenever you’re able to create wings and calls you angel all the time because of it

you go with him on his trips whenever possible and you love flying with him! not too much because that’s a lot of magic and he would cry if you got hurt

he can sense when you’re close based on your aura and always gets so excited when he knows he’s going to see you

just for fun: i think you guys would make necklaces that glow when you think of each other for when he’s away

(you always have very passionate sex, maybe a little too often~ you both absolutely love being intimate when you’re alone and would use magic of some sorts in bed)

Nadia

always amazed at your beauty and makes sure to tell you how wonderful you look everyday

loves to give you beautiful clothing and make sure your hair is done, especially for important occasions

surprised when you tell her how old you are, cause she must admit she was weary about starting anything with you since you look much younger

she always gives you the nicest gifts like beautiful blankets, your favorite foods, body sprays, soaps, and more

when you told her you were a child of eros, she found it very interesting and asked if you had used your charm on her (“i’m only teasing! who wouldn’t fall in love with you, darling~”)

one of her favorite things is watching you interact with someone who was flirting, you immediately use your powers to make them lose all interest and walk away

loves when you make her room extra beautiful while she’s gone (her favorite flowers on the bed, using your magic to make it always smell like her favorite incense, etc)

finds it hilarious when you whisper about people’s relationships to her (“oh, i knew i sensed a spark between them! do you think any of our friends have been together?”)

adores how compassionate you are and loves to be taken care of by you (although she prefers to pamper you, she won’t pass up an oppurtunity to have your love wash over her)

loves when you leave her secret love letters for her around the palace, especially when you charm them and she can feel your love humming in her chest even if you’re away

she loves kisses on the forehead, on her hands, and shoulders

you never miss out on an oppurtunity to make a grand gesture of love for her! particularly likes when you recite poetry to her and give her flowers

at night you both love taking care of each other, starting with brushing hair, massages, venting, and especially getting her to relax in anyway (she is a countess with tons of responsibility after all)

(sex becomes a very passionate, and intimate thing for you two as well as something that helps heal nadia after particularly difficult days)

Julian

saw your wings once and has not stopped making the “did it hurt when you fell from heaven~” jokes

Flirting Competitions. that’s all

played off his doubt when you told him you were a child of eros by saying something lame like “you’re so breath-taking, i should have expected you’d be not of this world”

you sometimes use your energy beam to draw little hearts for him on his desk (it reminds him to take care of himself when you’re not around)

your aura would get a little addicting for julian

practically melts anytime you touch him because he can just feel your love for him radiating off you

like nadia, he was surprised when you revealed your age because he was expecting you to be wayyy younger

always asks you to pick up on people’s love lives, trying to place bets on if two people have slept together or not (just for fun)

calls you his god/goddess/goddex (genderneutral version), angel, darling, my love and cupid for obvious reasons hehe

did someone say date night every night?? because you guys do <3 even if it’s just little things like sitting outside and looking at the stars together, you both love making time for each other

always kissing or holding each you in some way, he can’t help but feel some comfortable and safe when you’re around

‪definitely‬ reenacts dramatic love scenes with you allll the time

he never thought he deserved love before but now he’s with the literal epitome of love and now he can’t imagine a life without you (please treat him like a god and never hurt him omg)

sometimes gets insecure, and unsure of why someone so gorgeous and caring would love him

you always remind him he deserves love in all kinds of ways when words don’t work (love letters at work, making him charms that make him feel your love and comfort at all times, always pampering him because it’s easy for you to take care of others, etc)

(you guys probably have way too much sex too but it’s just so intoxicating and he lovesss feeling loved you absolutely love being able to show him you love him physically as well, and he’d do anything for you)

Muriel

you have to tone down the flirting a bit but you always make sure to compliment him! too much will make him do the windows xp shutdown noise

both of you make charms for each other, his are protective charms and yours are so he can still feel your aura (so he never feels alone again)

blushes so much every time you shower him with love and after a while he becomes comfortable with being super loving (it does take a long time if we’re being honest)

your aura is very intense for him at first but it eventually becomes something that he finds very comforting and can sense when you’re close

loves how you’re so loving with not only him, but with inanna and the other animals of the forest. your compassion never ceases to amaze him

at the beginning he would probably apologize a lot because you show him so much love so easily and it’s a bit harder for him but eventually realizes because it’s so easy for you, it’s not a burden, you just genuinely love pampering him

sometimes thinks he’s not doing enough but you almost cry every time he gives you a gift because you can feel how much love he put into it :(

even if you’re smaller than him he still loves when you spoon him and run your hands through his hair

making shields becomes so easy for you because of how much love you have for him and inanna but he still feels a bit bad when you use it (he wants to protect you but you slammed that uno reverse card down baby 🌸)

you burned a heart into his table to remind him he’s not alone anymore

you also used your energy beam to make a small inanna drawing on a rock and he loved it so much but all he said was “it’s nice” (you could tell he adored it)

his favorite thing is when you kiss his chest (where his heart is because i love being cheesy)

speaking of cheesy, whenever you hold him you alwayssss drag your finger in a heart shape on him (his favorite is when you do it on his palms or his back)

heart shaped EVERYTHING <3

(sex would always be very special, soft, and sensual because you both make sure to make the other feels as loved as possible)

Portia

absolutely stunned by how gorgeous you are

loves playing with your hair!! she always puts flowers behind your ears and kisses the crown of your head

once you told her, she started making everything heart shaped for you

you started to do the same for her because she almost cried the first time you did

would 100% make the “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” joke just because of your wings

pepi can always tell when you’re close so she alerts portia (cue the loud excited meowing)

love letters become a normal between you two, you always come home to find one slipped under the door (“i was just passing by, had to say hello to you, mc~”) and she always finds one somewhere in her cottage or somewhere you know she’ll find it

once you had pepi send one to her and at first she thought pepi wrote it till she read it then she cried

you guys hug each other ALL THE TIME and you make sure to kiss her cheeks every given chance!!! affection is a big thing for both of you

loves when you pamper her, which is good for you because you absolutely love showering her with love, affection, gifts, you name it (you even burned your names into a tree for her)

plants tons of flowers in her garden just for you!! (ex: flowers that are the same color as your eyes, hair, or your favorite color! she even plants your favorite flowers)

one of her favorite things is when you write love poems for her

whenever you spend the night, your aura would probably linger in her cottage for a while and she loves it so much especially when she misses you

because of that, you “accidentally” leave your clothes there a lot just for her to wear them :’)

(sex would most likely happen any chance you guys get because you’re both busy, but it’s always very heated and tender~)

Lucio

did not expect you to actually like his bad pickup lines

‪definitely‬ didn’t expect you to flirt back either and almost melted on the spot (but had to play it cool)

your intensity is so attractive to him but also so intimidating, he can’t help but be drawn to you

the fact that you love him makes him feel like a god (you find it adorable but make sure he doesn’t let it go overboard)

he would NEVER admit it but he’s jealous of how perfect you look effortlessly (based of the hairline joke asra has made, i’m sure he’d be super envious of your hair since it’s naturally full and beautiful)

does everything he can to show you he loves you just as much as you love him because your love and compassion inspires him to be a better person

ex: buys you everything you want, has paintings done for you, always gives you beautiful clothes and jewelry, has a room made in the palace just for your stuff (but you sleep in his room anyway), etc.

you love to show him how much you love him too, but in different ways! ex: massages, making him sweets, poems, drawings if you’re an artist, constantly telling him he’s doing great and that you love him, etc.

loves making grand gestures of love!! has parties dedicated to you, redoes the garden just for you, and has the entire colliseum redone to your liking (would even have it taken down if you asked)

this man is deeply in love with you

his favorite thing is when you kiss his cheek or his forehead and neck

you once used your energy beam to make an ice sculpture for him but he was devastated when it had eventually melted away

instead, you decided to make him a charmed stuffed animal of a goat (whenever he hugs it your aura washes over him)

he pretended to find it silly at first but he keeps it safely on his bed and hugs it whenever you’re gone

the only times you can get him to relax is when you take baths, or when you give him massages in bed and run your hands through his hair (he absolutely loves this especially when you kiss him tons and tell him how much you love him )

(sex would probably happen often, and it would go back and forth between him doing the most one time, to you doing the most another time. you both love being super intimate and you both love showing each other how much you adore the other)

requests are open!

this is so long oops! it was so fun because honestly with an eros!mc of course every character would feel loved ALL THE TIME! i love this lmao it’s such a cute concept i love love 🌸 i hope you enjoyed and feel free to add on to anything ✨ i love doing greek mythology themed things, so i think i will make this a series :) let me know which god or goddess i should do next! i was thinking aphrodite but maybe it would be too similar to this one. i’m not sure, but i have more ideas 🍓🍓🍓 thankyou

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - "Officer." She nods to you in greeting. "It's a fine day for questions."

"I found your buoy. It was empty. Just seawater."

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - Her eyes widen. "Oh..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Did you take the documents?"

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - "No, of course not. As I said, it would have been too risky for me to use those documents anyway -- my employer gave them to me. In truth, I should have destroyed them."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - She doesn't seem to be lying -- she's genuinely spooked by their disappearance.

"Perhaps the people who are after you took it."

"I have this strange feeling that it was an undiscovered *cryptid* that took your documents."

"I'll file this under a *theft* of some kind."

KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER) - She thinks for a moment, then shrugs. "They couldn't know where I put it. I'm absolutely sure I was not followed. And I've told no one but you..."

"You mentioned sea water? I was worried I'd been too careless with the latch. The documents were probably," she waves her cigarette, "just washed away..."

+5 XP

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - The words *washed away* sound distant and strange suddenly. Somewhere far away, a dog barks.

With that done, we have nothing left to do but head back to the coast and look for Ruby.

🎵 Disco Elysium, Pt. 2

FELD MURAL - You see a once-bright mural towering above you. The signage has peeled off over the years, but you can still make out: 'FELD ELECTRICAL R&D'.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - A slogan used to intertwine with the loops a long time ago. Now only a shadow of peeled letters remains. It says: 'Tomorrow is just a whisper away'.

2. Step closer.

FELD MURAL - Above the mural -- a collapsed roof, broken windows set in walls that are cracking and will soon also fall, and the coastal breeze rustling and sighing in the remains of the edifice.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Feld *Electrical*. How ironic -- all these dark rooms...

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Feld Electrical -- you only know them as a small company that makes ink cartridges. Looks like they used to be... big.

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - There's something in the wind. Sometimes the only way to go forward is to fail first.

Why do I feel like I know this place?

"Could Ruby be in there?"

[Leave.]

FELD MURAL - Indeed. Somehow you knew it was here. An urban ruin gutted by looters that once used to consume money and dispense warmth and light.

+5 XP

SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - You felt it, before, when it rained in Martinaise and you *felt* the cold of the rain. The feeling persists. It has been in you ever since.

2. "Could Ruby be in there?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "In there? She could. Or..." The lieutenant points behind you. "She could be in the *identical* ruin over there, or in that boat shack. In that church tower, maybe..."

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Why single out this one building?

3. [Shivers - Impossible 20] Listen to the wind.

+3 Found the empty trap. +3 Heard Lena's true story. +3 Went on a date. +1 Reconstructed execution. +2 Made that awful call. +1 Confronted the Pigs. +2 Established the night club. +2 Discovered the anomaly. +3 Death notification. +1 Found the jacket.

SHIVERS [Impossible: Success] - Even though you're *sure* you succeeded, all is quiet. There is no cold hand brushing against your forehead, no rustle in the reeds -- the wind has died down. The ruin in front of you is silent as a tomb.

What was I even attempting to do here?

(Turn to the lieutenant.) "She could be *anywhere*, how do we find her?"

SHIVERS - Trying to talk to the wind, or the city? Whatever you thought would happen did not, and now you're just standing there with your hands fallen to your side.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Is *trying to talk to the city* something you've done before? Is it in your secret repertoire -- a trick for when you're out of ideas?

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - A prayer of sorts? To Revachol.

2. (Turn to the lieutenant.) "She could be *anywhere*, how do we find her?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "How *do* we? I was really hoping she'd be in the village..." The lieutenant sighs, then gets a hold of himself: "Okay."

"She's *probably* north of the village and this place is a peninsula." He looks North. "We already scanned most of the outdoor areas on our wild *cryptid hunt*, so we have an understanding of the geography, at least."

"And then there's the church." He looks at the bell tower. "We've already searched that and can rule it out. I know it doesn't feel like progress, but exclusion is a step too."

"Anyway -- we do it the old fashioned way: sector by sector. Go over the whole peninsula, ask the locals, enter the places where we *can* enter first. Like we did in the village."

Task complete: Ask about Ruby in the village

+30 XP

3. "And if that fails? If we don't find her?" (Conclude.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "Then -- if we're desperate -- we can look where we *can't* enter. Bunkers, storm drainage, this place. I'm sure it won't come to that." He looks behind him, at the dark red box crumbling across the chasm.

New task: Look for Ruby on the coast

SHIVERS - Walk the coast, the old boardwalk, the reeds... You can always come back here and talk to the wind again. Look where it already got you.

SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Success] - An adventure awaits! An adventure on the windswept urban coast.

ENDURANCE [Medium: Success] - Buckle up and raise your collar -- this search is going to be wet and cold.

We've already looked everywhere we can on the coast. Nothing for it but...

3. [Shivers - Impossible 20] Listen to the wind again.

+3 Found the empty trap. +3 Heard Lena's true story. +3 Went on a date. +1 Reconstructed execution. +2 Made that awful call. +1 Confronted the Pigs. +2 Established the night club. +2 Discovered the anomaly. +3 Death notification. +1 Found the jacket.

Note that this is technically a different check, so we don't have to put another point into Shivers.

SHIVERS [Impossible: Success] - Suddenly there's a sigh, carried on the molecules around you, moving, flowing from high pressure to low pressure. Like that of a woman emptying her lungs. She wraps the collapsing stone box in front of you in her breath, flowing through it...

Where does it go?

SHIVERS - In through the collapsed roof, flowing down a concrete staircase -- to the basement, sweeping away footprints in the dust on the stairs. And then the beach below the boardwalk, its winding tunnels... a whisper away.

What is happening...

SHIVERS -

SHE'S DOWN THERE.

Say: "I think she's down *there*. Below this building."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Okay -- why?"

"The wind told me."

"We've looked everywhere else."

"Ever since I woke up -- maybe even before -- I've been getting these strange *cold spells*."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Good, good, yes. Cold spells..." He seems incredulous. "So basically your *hangover* is telling you she's down there?"

"Yes. I can literally *talk* to my hangover. That's how bad it has gotten."

"The wind told me."

"Call it a gut feeling."

"We've looked everywhere else."

KIM KITSURAGI - He shrugs. "So how do we get in there? The doors were on the collapsed side of this building... they're gone, basically."

SAVOIR FAIRE [Easy: Success] - Finally, my time to shine!

"There's a ladder next to the sign." (Point to it.) "Perhaps we can climb it? Enter through the roof?"

"Yeah, I don't know..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Perhaps *you* can climb them. *We're* not climbing anything. I'm 43 years old -- and I plan to live to see 70."

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] - There has to be a way to use brute force. Climbing sounds unsafe. Brute force is safe. Look around and find something to break if the ladder fails.

FELD LADDER - A rusty ladder leads to the rooftop. Some of the rungs are missing.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yeah, that doesn't look good at all."

Assess the situation.

You're not ready to do this yet. [Leave.]

FELD LADDER - The distances between the remaining rungs are rather *wide*. You'd have to use the mounting brackets. However, they seem corroded and the peeling rust is razor-sharp.

In addition, the first rung is going to be *tough* to reach. It's, what, three metres above ground, and you're -- 180...?

One-eighty seems about right.

One-ninety. I'm a giant.

FELD LADDER - Not to mention that the roof is collapsing and the wind gets pretty brutal up there. Dismounting from the ladder is going to be *hard*. Perhaps if you were to... *not* climb the ladder? Instead...

SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Success] - What if you were to do something more *subtle*?

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - What if you were to *re-conceptualize* climbing the ladder?

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - ASTRAL PROJECTION! Be *open-minded* about this.

2. "What if I don't climb? What if I just… *teleport*?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Teleportation is not a thing." The lieutenant stares at you, stone-faced.

"C'mon, Kim. Where's your adventurous spirit?"

"Teleportation *is* a thing. Just needs a bit of concentration…"

"It won't hurt to try."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Okay, let's say teleportation is a thing. Wouldn't you need some kind of... scientific apparatus to create a teleportation field? You can't just do it without apparatus."

MIKAEL HEIDELSTAM - "What are they talking about?" the kid behind you whispers, asking his father.

TRANT HEIDELSTAM - "Teleportation, Mikael. It's... generally thought impossible."

"It won't hurt to try."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh yes. It could hurt. A lot."

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - He is restraining himself from using a parental tone with you right now.

Not a bad chance... but let's hear Physical Instrument out and see if we can find an alternative option.

4. You're not ready to do this yet. [Leave.]

THOUGHT COMPLETE: WASTE LAND OF REALITY

-1 Physical Instrument: Insomnia -1 Inland Empire: Sober -1 Suggestion: Boring +1 Psyche: Return of the self No positive effects from alcohol

Congrats – you're sober. It will take a while for your body to remember how to metabolize anything that isn't sugar from alcohol, so you're going to be pretty ravenous soon. Eat plenty. You can expect your coordination and balance to improve in a couple of weeks. In two months, you might start sleeping like a normal person. Full recovery will take years, though. It’ll be depressing. And it’ll be boring. Don’t expect any further rewards or handclaps. This is how normal people are all the time.

To rephrase the skill bonuses there: this comes to -1 Physical Instrument, and +1 Empathy, Volition, Authority *and* Esprit de Corps.

DRAINAGE PIPE - An old pipe peeks out from beneath the rotting boards of the boardwalk. Could this be an alternative path into the Feld building?

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - A building like this must have multiple doors serving various functions. Perhaps a basement access?

Come closer and look in.

[Leave.]

DRAINAGE PIPE - Your eyes slowly begin to adjust to the darkness inside the drainage pipe.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant looks over your shoulder.

What's in there?

"Could we get into the Feld building through this pipe?"

[Leave.]

DRAINAGE PIPE - The pipe is sleek with rain.

Okay. What *else*?

DRAINAGE PIPE - As your eyes adjust, you see some trash -- crumpled up newspapers, cigarette butts. Someone has half-heartedly spray-painted 'SKULLS' on the right side.

And?

DRAINAGE PIPE - And? And nothing. Broken glass from bottles thrown against the walls of the pipe. A syringe...

2. "Could we get into the Feld building through this pipe?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Given that this isn't a martial arts thriller," a grin flickers across his face, "it's highly unlikely -- and not without risk to our health either."

"However, the pipe suggests there may be an entrance to the basement around..." The lieutenant pushes aside the reeds and looks around.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - He means: the pipe must be coming from *somewhere* in the building.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - Oh, duh, why didn't you think of that?

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - The lieutenant's face lights up. He doesn't usually notice these little things.

KIM KITSURAGI - "...and it's right here! A maintenance door." He points to a rusted metal double door to the right of the pipe, obscured by the reeds.

ENDURANCE [Medium: Success] - Oh yeah... *big boy time*. This needs you to put your BACK into it.

Our chances at this are slightly less than the Savoir Faire check. Still...

[cheayoldatarecovery]

Solutions to Recover Data After CHKDSK

The utility of CHKDSK is a component of all Windows versions, including10, 8, 7, and XP. But the operation may end up in causing the loss of important data from the system. How to recover data after CHKDSK? Check it and find how.

"Each time I opened a file or folder on my computer, it told me it wasn't there, but I could see the icon. It also kept asking me to run CHKDSK. I tried to change file extensions on the excel files, I could open them, but it didn't work. So CHKDSK ran the next time I rebooted, and now the files have gone. Does anyone know how to get a list of the files if CHKDSK is removed?

Last day the editor received the question for help from the forums. It seems that it is a problem with recovering data after CHKDSK. Before we talk about the solutions, we may need to check something about the "CHKDSK."

What is "CHKDSK"?

CHKDSK is a basic Windows operation that scans hard disk, USB / external drive to find errors, then fix these errors for free without using any external tools. It is usually used when the system shows various boot errors and for repairing the drive.

The utility of CHKDSK is a component of all Windows versions, including 10, 8, 7 and XP. It can also be got from a Windows installation disc. So, if you are a Windows user, you might have come across CHKDSK command.

Although the CHKDSK functionality rectifies the errors on the computer hard disk, it may come to an error. It is because in the process of solving errors, sometimes the operation may end up in causing the loss of useful data from the system. So, before performing the CHKDSK, the top priority of users must be taking the backup of the essential files.

Most of the people may forget to do a copy sometimes or just mistakenly deleted files before doing a CHKDSK command. Then it is anxious to worry about the data will be got back or not. So is there any solution to recover data after CHKDSK? The answer is yes. The data is still on the hard disk, but if you overwrite it, it will be extremely difficult or impossible to get it back. So remember to do nothing further on the drive after a false operation.

How to Recover Data After CHKDSK?

Solution 1: Retrieve CHKDSK Deleted Data from Found.xxx Folder

You may receive a confirmation message before CHKDSK is going to delete files which is “10 lost allocation units found in 2 chains” or “ Convert lost chains to folders&rdquo, etc.

If you choose Y, Windows will save each lost chain in the root directory of your disk as a file with a name in the format Filennnn.chk. When the disk check ends, you can find these files whether they contain data you want. If you press N, Windows will check the disk, but it does not leave the contents of the lost allocation units.

So, you can open the root directory of your drive to see if there is a Found.XXX (XXX refers to the number, usually is 000)folder that is hidden by default when find files missing after the CHKDSK command.

Firstly, you should find hidden folders in Windows 10.

File Explorer>View>Options>Change folder and search options from the submenu.>View

Choose Show hidden files, folders, and drives.

Press the OK button to confirm changes.

Secondly, you will see the FOUND.XXX folder and turn on it. Not 100% of your data might be there. But most of it should be there.

Thirdly, you can find lots of data with .chk extensions.

Now you have to drag and drop all these files into their correct destinations. You will find these files are unavailable because of their extensions have been changed. If you know the exact extension of each file, changing .chk of every file to the correct extension may get them back.

For example, if the first file is an Excel document, to change .chk to .xlsx may make the document available again.

But in fact, few people can remember extensions of every file, especially when there are lots of lost data. So you need a third-party tool to recover data after CHKDSK.

Solution 2: Retrieve CHKDSK Deleted Data by a Recovery Tool

A free data recovery tool with today's technological advancements can restore data from your computer's hard drive. Here we recommend to you is Bitwar Data Recovery, the true companion for your data recovery.

It is a reliable, formidable file recovery programs that effective on Windows X/7/8/10 and other operating systems, Mac, and even on mobile (Android, iPhone). Whether files are deleted after the CHKDSK command or emptied from Recycle Bin, you can rely on this data recovery program.

Tips: Please DO-NOT installs the data recovery software in the same drive that you have operated the CHKDSK command.

Let's try it now!

Please refer here for more about CHKDSK deleted data recovery.

[purplesurveys]

785

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? A few days ago I found out that someone I probably know (but is anonymous) filed a complaint towards another person that I also know for acting indecently towards the complainant. I always knew that person had a...vibe, but I just didn’t know it was going to be the worst vibe possible. I never want to see them ever again because I might actually kick them. When did you last change your opinion on a situation? I haven’t changed my opinions in a while... literally what I can only remember is listening to a few Billie Eilish songs and accepting that she has some okay music lmaoooo, and this was a few months ago. Why did you last visit the doctor? My left eye was acting up so I wanted to have it checked before the lockdown that we all knew was going to happen. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Finishing my thesis. Because duh, I actually did it? Do you like salt? Sure, it makes a lot of food more delicious.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Honestly yes. I pride myself on being a good listener, but it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with listening to everyone. I prefer keeping that opportunity to my close friends. I suppose it’s flattering when people I’m not close to see me as trustworthy, but if I had it my way I wish they went to another person instead. Have you ever regretted what you said in drunken conversation once sober? Sometimes. Is there anything coming up which you're dreading? I’m a little afraid of the period following graduation because it’ll be the first time in 18 years that I’m not in school, and it’ll be such a crazy transition. Let’s hope it doesn’t eat me alive. Anything you're looking forward to? Also the period after graduation, because yay adult life and independence and no more exams and stuff. Idk, lots of mixed feelings about it obviously. Do you ever do tedious tasks just to keep your mind occupied? Yes. It actually really helps and I like having things to do when there’s conflict or tension going on in my personal life. Have you ever lived with somebody with truly repulsive habits? Nah, I don’t think that about my family. Repulsive traits sure, but not habits. Do you tend to say things because they're appropriate not because you mean them?  Sometimes, and it’s usually to be polite and/or nice. It costs nothing to tell someone you like someone’s dress or makeup or shirt, and you can even help make their day. What was the last thing to perplex you? Probably some stupid, nonsensical thing Duterte said in one of his addresses. What was the last thing to fascinate you? I rewatched Beyoncé’s Homecoming on Netflix and everything about it fascinated me, as always. I will neverrrr get tired of watching her concerts; she always puts so much love and effort and soul into each show. What was the last thing to annoy you? I don’t feel like getting into it. When did you last work your socks off fruitlessly? A few months ago, in the earlier stages of making our thesis. Andrew and I would often bust our asses into the night, tweaking and researching and editing, and submit our work feeling proud of it only for it to be thrown back at us with a million comments and corrections in bloody red ink. I feel like we got a record number of sermons and unaccepted drafts compared to other students, so it just made me detached from my thesis altogether and in the end I mostly finished it for the sake of finishing it. I’m proud of finishing it of course, but I’m no longer passionate about it like I used to be, and I doubt I’ll ever bring it up in future conversations unless someone asks. When did your hard work last pay off? Today, in the final stages of our thesis. I really wish I loved it more, though. What is a word you hate? Grind makes me uncomfortable lol Do you have a favourite childrens book? Sure. If yes, what is it? Corduroy. I would go to the school library to read it almost everyday; I never got tired of it. I also really liked Tikki Tikki Tembo because his whole name was so fun to pronounce haha. When did you last feel a need to be alone? Last week when it rained and it was cold for the first time in months. The weather made me feel ~some type of way~ and I stayed in my room all day. I wasn’t sad, I really just wanted to savor the weather by myself. When did you last "need" to be around people? Right now. I’ve increasingly been feeling this way by the day.

Have you ever been in a job where you didn't fit in with your co-workers? Not a job, but this was me during my experience applying for a local chapter of an international youth org called AIESEC. I really thought I could fake my way in and I was adamant at first because I like what the org does and besides, AIESEC looks really good on a resumé; but it’s one of the rare times that even faking it didn’t cut it for me. I was miserable and no one talked to me every time I hung out in their lounge, and their org culture was so different from what I’m used to with my home org. I didn’t last long and I ghosted the application process after a month. What do you do to "expand" your mind? For me that’s always best achieved by trying out new things, so I make it a point to have brand-new experiences every time I can. When did you last REALLY want to go out but couldn't for whatever reason? LOL. March to present. Do you need a wee right now? I do not. Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Yeah, loud ‘DUN’ sounds that come with jumpscares, the Windows XP shutdown sound is also weirdly scary to me, and people yelling when they’re drunk. The last one particularly reminds me of fights at home. When did you last eat sweeties? Idk what you mean by sweeties, but the last time I had anything sweet was this afternoon when my dad made churros with a chocolate dip. Do you have a favourite micro-organism? No lol What was the last thing to upset you? The recent news about a wrestler, Shad Gaspard, who was reported missing after he got swept out to sea while at the beach with his family. He told rescuers to save his kid first, but they were never able to find him after. They tried to look for him for several hours but eventually, they called the search off and now he’s presumed to have died. It’s very sad and heavy and a lot to take in. He was one of my favorites growing up because he was in a hilarioussssss tag team with another guy, JTG, and both of them were always so entertaining. It sucks, and 2020 continues to suck. What was the last thing to make you happy? Like I said, I watched Homecoming earlier. Beyoncé always puts me in a better mood, so there’s that. Have you ever eaten chocolate for breakfast? Just hot chocolate. I’ve never eaten like a chocolate bar or anything similar. Do you like balloons? They’re admittedly fun, but I know they can also be harmful to the environment so I don’t buy or use them if it’s even remotely unnecessary to. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Laurice. Does that person have any plans to celebrate their birthday? I’m sure their family has something planned out inside their house, but obviously they can’t celebrate by going out for now. Do you enjoy swimming? Yes. When will you next go to the beach? I have no clue. When at the beach do you like to swim in the sea? Ugh man. Awful timing for these questions... yeah I guess. But I don’t want to think about that now. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? When I was a kid I did name each of my goldfish. Do you like adventure games like Monkey Island and Diskworld? No. Did you ever read the Terry Pratchet "Disk World" books? I did not. If yes to the question above, what are they like? Have you had to change a nappy lately? Nope, no babies around here. Would you like a holiday about now? Not really. It’s not like I can celebrate it or go for a vacation. What's stopping you from going on holiday right now?  So tired of saying it every time. If you know you know. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Yes, we do. Have you ever owned chickens? Nope. Super common to just see chickens running about the highway once you reach the province though hahaha. Do you like classical music? Some. I sometimes like listening to classical playlists when I study, but not always. When did you last listen to music? An hour ago. Have you ever seen "Canibal the Musical"? I haven’t. Are your breasts sore? Nopes.

[asiryn]

this post is going to be very rambly, so i apologize in advance. if you’re potentially interested in my liveblogs, and/or interested in hearing a bit about my current life and disability issues, tune in. if you aren’t, then....keep scrolling i guess XD

(if you just want the current liveblog schedule, scroll to the bottom)

[and this got predictably very long, so i’m gonna put it behind a cut for convenience] 

up to recently, my main liveblogs have been about the pokemon anime, with a few other shows, books, and especially video games sprinkled in here and there. essentially, waaaay back in yonder year of 2014, netflix added the first season of pokemon, the indigo league, to their site, and i, in a fit of nostalgia, made the veeery questionable decision to watch all of the pokemon anime---rewatching the stuff i hadn’t touched since i was kid, and then continuing on into the unknown, and watching all the seasons from gen 3 onward that i had missed due to dropping out of pokemon. i only really started actually making liveblog posts once i hit gen 3, then i stayed consistent-ish from then onward. (for the curious, i’m up to sun & moon, and i have 44 episodes left until i finish it (i’m not ready ;;;; ), and then netflix actually just dropped the first 12 episodes of the newest series, pokemon journeys, so....56 until i’ve caught up with the dub XD)

so, all of y’all who climbed aboard with those liveblogs are probably already aware of Who I Am, at least a little. (....this is making it sound like i’m Some Big Name in liveblogging, but i’m not really anything of the sort, just so we’re all on the same page XD) at least, in terms of the fact that i’m physically disabled, suffer from chronic pain, etc. but recently, i’ve joined two new fandoms, and i’ve begun liveblogging spop and my next life as a villainess. and my spop posts in particular are already becoming some of the most popular posts i’ve ever done (like wow, you guys). and i think part of that popularity is due to the fact that these are two pretty recent, pretty popular fandoms (tho i do also like to think that i do make good content XP). but the point is that quite a lot of new ppl are coming across me, and idk how much, if any, of you have taken the time to look at my bio or anything. so i guess....part of this post is just some ruminations, but also my way of letting you know more of what you’re getting into. 

so, for those who don’t know: hi, you can call me kiryn, i liveblog stuff sometimes, and i’m physically disabled. i suffer from intense, constant, chronic pain. it stems from a bone disease called HME, or hereditary multiple exostosis, if you’re curious (i have a severe case of it, joy of joys). the short version of what that means is that i have a lot of bone spurs everywhere on my body, and they....cause me a lot of pain. basically, i cannot do any kind of sustained activity without the already significant, never-ceasing pain that i feel cranking up to unbearable levels, and basically i’ll be rendered immobile. i do have pain meds that i take, and that very much help to take the edge off, and make it so that i can function at all (bc, believe fucking me, w/o them, i wouldn’t be able to achieve even the little i can do), but even with them, it only makes a dent in my pain levels, and again, sustained activity makes up that difference very quickly. 

now, the gist of this stuff i’ll mention from time to time, but....i don’t usually go into much detail about it (and this post is probably the most detailed i’ve been about my condition in years). bc, quite frankly, it’s depressing. (and seeing as i also already have clinical depression, that’s definitely not something that i need more of XD) i participate in fandoms for escapism, and bc i don’t really want to think about that crushing mountain of reality. i’ve had this condition since birth, and i’ve literally lived my entire life in constant pain, and i honestly have no fucking idea what it even feels like to be painless. and what’s even worse is that it’s a degenerative disease---essentially, the bone spurs are wearing down my joints, so....my entire condition will just keep worsening as i get older. (and no, surgery to remove the spurs isn’t really an option.) i’ll be 29 next month, and i can already tell you, i’ve been feeling that decline sharply. when i was a kid, i could still run. by the time i was a teenager, i couldn’t even do that anymore; the best i could manage was a jog. now....i don’t think i could even do that. 

i guess the main point in why i’m saying all this, is that for the last year especially, i’ve been dealing with the worst downward swing that i’ve had in years. in my late teens and early-mid 20s, i got into a pretty good rhythm, of knowing my body’s limits, how to budget spoons to accomplish things, etc. but now even that fragile equilibrium has been thrown out the window, and i’m currently struggling to learn the new limits and rhythm of this downward swing that is unfortunately now my reality. even before, i was pretty limited on what i could accomplish, but even that narrow window has shrunk even further. so basically, i’m in the testing zone still. and it’s a very slow process, bc once i exceed the limit, my body breaks down, and now it takes me even longer to recover. as an example, i used to know that i could wake up in the morning and get ready to leave the house in 20-30 mins. now? i need at least an hour, which involves me pushing through a wave of agony to be able to take my pain meds in the first place, and then wait for those meds to kick in and the pain to die down enough to move without feeling like i’m moving through a wall of spikes. (and that’s just the start of every day for me, and before even throwing in all of the other variables)

so, coming back to the liveblogs......obviously, that’s affected by all this too. if you’ve wondered why there’s been a gap between me finishing up spop s1 and starting s2....that’s why. partly, i didn’t expect how analysis-heavy i was going to get on spop; pokeani just doesn’t tend to be as consistently thematically deep, so those liveblogs took far less out of me than spop has, and pushing myself to finish 5 episodes in one day....well, it was too much. and the thing is, it’s obviously unhealthy for me to continually push myself to the point of total breakdown, so...that’s where learning my new limits comes in. so, these past few days, i’ve been thinking, and essentially trying to better figure out how to do liveblogs like this without pretty much killing myself in the process (bc i honestly do love making them....i mean, if i didn’t, then it really wouldn’t be worth the literal pain it takes to make them XD). and also there’s a component of managing my anxiety-brain, bc leaving things Unfinished stresses me out, and so when coming to terms with the fact that it’s going to take me awhile to finish one show....knowing that i’d be leaving others hanging....Doesn’t Help XD

so, here’s what i’ve got so far (and obvs, this is subject to much tweaking in the future XP)

currently, i’m watching 4 shows: pokeani, good omens, villainess, and spop. villainess rn is the least of my worries, bc 1 ep is coming out a week, so it’s not demanding a lot of my time. 

for the other 3, here’s the preliminary schedule i’ve sort of hashed out:

- pokeani sm103-106

- spop s2

- pokeani sm107-110

- spop s3 

- pokeani sm111-114

- spop s4

- pokeani sm115-118

- spop s5 

- pokeani sm119-122

- good omens

- pokeani sm123-126

- [catch up block] (i don’t have a good track record in keeping up with ongoing shows, so if i fall behind on villainess, this is where i can catch up)

- finish pokeani sun & moon [sm127-146] (the league starts on ep 128, so i’d rather not experience any big interruptions in the battles XD)

basically, i’ve given myself a limit of 4 pokeani eps in a single session (bc as stated, they don’t take as much out of me), and with spop, the most i’ll let myself watch in a row will be 3 eps (s2 will probably be broken up into a 3/2/2 block, s3 a 3/3 block, and s4&5 will be a 3/3/3/2/2 block).

now, keep in mind that i’m very deliberately making no guarantees about specific days, bc who even knows, but at the very least, scheduling and talking it all out like this will help me to better manage my spoons, and if you’ve actually read this far, then you’ll know the method in the madness and why i’m doing things this way. XD the vague goal is to get in a least 1 liveblog session a week (plus a bonus of the new villainess ep on saturdays)---at least for the shows. i’m still having to working out what i’m going to do about video games....maybe i should just go on a ‘once a week’ model for all my hobbies across the board XDD

in the next couple of days, i’ll be posting that in-depth look into all the ships of villainess (it started as me just pecking down a few thoughts while i was taking a social media break due to the Current Events, but now i’m at the point where i’m like, i’ve put too much effort into this to not post it, damn it XP), and then depending on spoons, i’ll try to start in on that schedule this week, so stay tuned for some pokeani! (again....i’ll try to hit at least 1 liveblog a week before i start trying to get more ambitious XDD)

in any case, if you have stuck through to the end, thank you very much. your support means a lot to me 💖

[mediaeval-muse]

Video Game Review: Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood (Ubisoft, 2010)

Genres: action-adventure, third person, open world

Premise: Picking up where Assassin’s Creed II left off, Ezio Auditore is back, this time working against the Borgia family to destabilize its hold on Rome. In the present day, Desmond Miles continues to struggle when differentiating the past from the present.

Platform Played On: PC (Windows)

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

***Full review under the cut.***

I am evaluating this game based on four key aspects: story, characters, gameplay, and visuals. I will not be evaluating the multiplayer mode because I don’t like playing video games with other people.

Content Warnings: violence, blood, misogyny, attempted rape, incest, torture

Story: The main premise of Brotherhood’s story is that following the opening of the vault, Ezio and his family are attacked at Monteriggioni by Borgia forces. They manage to escape, but Ezio is wounded and Caesar Borgia steals the Piece of Eden. Ezio awakes some time later in Rome and must fight the corruption that results from the Borgia’s influence while hatching a plan for retrieving the Piece of Eden. The decision to focus more fully on the Borgias was a good choice - they’re perhaps the most notorious family from Renaissance Italy, so the plot about combating Templar corruption fit right in. Plus, it made for a more consolidated narrative and a single antagonist.

I also think Brotherhood improved on Desmond’s story. At first, it’s not much different from the main purpose of the frame narrative in ACII: Desmond and the present-day Assassins, led by Lucy Stillman, set up a new safe house in modern Monteriggioni, where they continue to use the Animus to track down the Piece of Eden using Ezio’s memories. But there are some nice moments that make the frame shine: Desmond and Lucy have to work together to explore the underground tunnels of Monteriggioni, and their banter really game me the sense that they were bonding.

The main things I didn’t like about these narratives are relatively small. In addition to the ending feeling rushed, I think the game could have done better regarding its female characters. In Ezio’s world, a side mission reveals what happened to Cristina, Ezio’s sometime lover before he became an assassin. On the one hand, it was great to see a more personal plotline that delved deeper into Ezio’s emotions. On the other hand, these flashbacks had moments that made me squirm. The plot details how they met, which basically consists of Ezio following Cristina home and saving her from being raped by an acquaintance that “refuses to wait for her to open her legs on her own.” Later, Cristina is killed and dies in Ezio’s arms. Likewise, Lucy meets a tragic fate in Desmond’s world, and though it’s less fridge-y than Cristina’s death, I was just personally not a fan.

Characters: Ezio, our protagonist and player-controlled character, is as charming as ever. He’s a little older and wiser in this game, which was pleasing in terms of character development. He’s still a bit of a flirt and womanizer, which I personally don’t really like, but to each their own. Leonardo is also back, albeit more sporadically, and I loved seeing their friendship continue.

The major supporting character in this game is Niccolo Machiavelli (yes, really). He appeared briefly in the previous game, but he has a much larger role this time around. He’s a bit grumpy and stuffy, which is understandable - Ezio allowed Rodrigo to live at the end of ACII, which threw a wrench in a lot of plans. Still, I liked how Ezio’s more playful characteristics played off of Machiavelli’s sternness.

Desmond also continued to grow on me. I liked that he had more confidence in his assassin abilities and how he seemed to be fully part of Lucy Stillman’s team, and yet, the game did a good job tempering his badassery by decreasing his ability to differentiate the present day from his ancestor’s memories. It’s one of my favorite tropes, though, so I may be a bit biased.

The Borgias were also very compelling villains. I liked Cesare’s intensity and lust for power, as well as Lucrezia’s balance of loneliness and loyalty to her family. I also think their incestuous relationship was handled well in that it wasn’t treated as the sole reason why these characters were evil; rather, to me, it read as a manifestation of the characters’ obsession with their own family, not as something “edgy” to put in the plot. 

Gameplay: A lot of the mechanics that formed the basis of ACII reappear in Brotherhood. There are armor and weapon upgrades, treasure stashes, puzzles, and the like. Instead of upgrading the villa, however, players are given the opportunity to make improvements to and stimulate the economy of Rome by repairing and investing in tailors’ shops, blacksmiths’ forges, art merchants’ stalls, banks, stables, medicine stands, aqueducts, and many other things. I found the investment system to be interesting, but a little confusing - it’s dependent on how other players interact with the stores in the game, so I didn’t quite get why it’s included in story mode. I think I could have done without it or at least made it dependent on other factors that are more useful to those who don’t necessarily care what a larger Ubisoft “community” is doing.

In order to unlock all the public works projects, players have to free areas of the map from Borgia influence. To do this, players complete assassination missions in which you kill the captain of the guard responsible for overseeing a Borgia-controlled tower, then you blow it up. These missions vary in difficulty, and each one has a unique setting with different kinds of environmental challenges, so I was pleased by the level of variety.

Players are also given the task of doing “shop quests” in which Ezio collects rare valuables (like ambergris, diamonds, etc.) to unlock additional items in the shops. For example, completing the art shop quest unlocks additional treasure maps. I found this interesting yet irritating, since I wasn’t quite sure how to get these rare items aside from stumbling onto them randomly or investing in businesses smartly (smart investments yield high rewards, sometimes). Along similar lines, Ezio can complete guild challenges, in which he performs various combat or stealth maneuvers as well as assists courtesans, thieves, mercenaries, and assassins to gain additional XP as well as discounts when enlisting any of the guilds to help.

In terms of the combat and stealth aspects, most of the mechanics are the same. You’re given a crossbow in this game, which is fun, as well as a parachute for gliding, but other than that, there’s nothing vastly different. I actually liked the continuity, since it meant I could focus more on the new things and not learn whole new ways of moving around. I will say, though, that the glyphs were a bit more annoying in that I couldn’t use my keyboard to turn things around - I HAD to click on arrows on the screen. It was tedious, but I got through it.

I also liked the introduction of assassin recruits. Players get to recruit citizens to Ezio’s cause and level up their XP by sending them on missions across Europe, kind of like the war table missions in Dragon Age: Inquisition. These recruits can also be called upon during combat to help Ezio fight off enemies, though they need some time to “recharge” after each use. It was kind of fun to manage a team, and I did like the options it afforded for gaining resources and completing missions.

I will say, though, that I absolutely detested the missions or challenges in the game that were timed. Timed activities stress me out, and I’d rather have the option to do something well rather than fast. I also hated the introduction of “complete synchronization.” Basically, each mission is accompanied by a condition - such as avoiding detection, using a specific weapon, or completing a task in a certain amount of time - that will grant players 100% synchronization of Ezio’s memories. If you don’t meet the condition, you can still advance the plot, and you can go back and replay the mission for 100% sync, but honestly, I didn’t find this mechanic fun. Some of these conditions were tedious or so challenging that in order to meet them, you have to play through long scenarios without skipping to certain checkpoints multiple times. For experienced gamers, these conditions might offer some additional challenge to a video game that otherwise doesn’t have easy/moderate/hard modes, but I personally didn’t find the 100% sync rewarding, and I was constantly stressed about missing something due to lack of syncing.

I also had some problems with the camera and controls. In several missions where time was a factor, it was frustrating when the camera would whip around and controls would change to accommodate the new angle. I hated this, because it caused me to fall and desynchronize a few times, as well as cause me to lose my target.

Visuals: As with ACII, the visuals of Brotherhood were stunning. I loved seeing the aerial views of Rome from the high vantage points, and I loved the rendering on Ezio’s assassin armor. I don’t think there was a major, noticeable difference in the quality of the visuals between the games - maybe a few more smooth animations, some more believable/realistic rendering. It was certainly appreciated. I could look at this game for hours.

Recommendations: I would recommend this game if you’re interested in the Italian Renaissance, the history of the Borgia family, stealth, action-adventure games, and parkour.

Final Verdict: Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood is a charming follow-up to Assassin’s Creed II, balancing familiarity and novelty in the gameplay to keep the player both engaged and grounded.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Burn the Ships, Chapter Seven

A/N: Sorry for the delay; holidays are rough for me, so I didn’t even start writing this chapter until New Year’s Eve. XP

As a disclaimer, I know pretty much nothing about how the foster system works, but I just go back to Danny’s very true words to Lou: “He always gets what he wants.” I have no doubt that would also be true here. :P

Also, shout out to SilverLightRaita and their fic Crashing and Saving on AO3 because that was 100% the fic that opened my eyes to the possibilities. So if you liked this and want more after this concludes next chapter, be sure to check it out!

. . . . .

Chapter Seven

“Hey, Danny. I don’t think we’re going to make it tonight after all.”

Alex couldn’t help but eavesdrop from where he lay on the sofa, guilt settling in his gut. Commander McGarrett had been upstairs for a while, but now it sounded like he was out in the kitchen. He didn’t remember hearing the man come down, so he must have dozed off; Alex wished he could actually fall asleep like he longed to do.

“Yeah, he’s asleep on the couch. Can’t really blame him for crashing; it’s been quite a day.”

He had no idea how long he’d been laying there, but it had been long enough, apparently. The numbing agent they’d given him while getting stitched up had worn off, leaving behind a dull, burning ache. It didn’t really hurt, per se, but it was uncomfortable.

“It wasn’t hard. I just told them he’s a witness in a case and offered to keep him in protective custody. It’s Christmas Eve -- you really think they’d argue? Someone’s gonna swing by on the twenty-sixth, but with any luck…”

Alex frowned. McGarrett had said he wasn’t going to abandon him, but now that Alex thought about it, he didn’t actually know what that was going to look like. The future had never seemed so uncertain.

“Yeah, we’ll try to swing by sometime tomorrow, but I can’t make any promises. I’d better let you go, though -- get back to the party. Wish everyone a merry Christmas for me.”

The guilt swirling in his gut rose in his throat at the realization that McGarrett was missing out because of him. Would he ever stop ruining people’s lives by simply existing?

The couch cushion dipped near his hip, and a moment later calloused but gentle fingers combed through his hair. He couldn’t help but lean into it a little.

“Hey, buddy. Food’s ready. Think you can wake up long enough to eat?”

Instead of answering, and without bothering to open his eyes, Alex murmured, “‘m sorry.”

“What for?”

“You’re missing the party because of me.”

A soft laugh. “Yeah, well… I know I said this morning that this is an annual thing, but the truth is, it’s really not. We plan it every year, but you’d be surprised how many times we’ve ended up working so it just didn’t happen. And that’s okay. Sometimes other things are more important -- like the teenager asleep on your couch after getting shot. You know, the usual.”

Alex finally cracked his eyes open to find that the only light in the room now was what streamed out of the kitchen. But even in the dim light, he could tell McGarrett was smiling. He huffed, sparing a grin of his own. “Yeah, I’m sure today was a totally normal day at the office.”

“You might be surprised. Crazy things happen a lot around here.” McGarrett stood up. “So anyway, I’ve got homemade pizza out in the kitchen. What do you say we get some before it gets cold and put on a movie or something?”

Alex nodded as he pushed himself up with his good arm; even keeping his weight on his right, he couldn’t help but wince at the unwelcome pressure on his left. “Okay.”

Commander McGarrett’s smile turned sympathetic. “And maybe get you something for your arm.”

Now that he was sitting up, the injury was throbbing a good bit more than it had been. “Yeah, that definitely sounds good, too. Thank you.”

For everything, he wanted to add, but judging by the look on the commander’s face, he already knew. . . .

Steve was pulled from his slumber by the incessant vibrating of his phone against a hard surface, and he couldn’t help but pray to every known deity that it wasn’t work-related. Eyes still closed, he fumbled around the top of the table beside him and finally picked up the device just as it went to voicemail.

Peeling back his eyelids, he discovered he was still in the living room, late morning sunlight streaming through the windows, with his feet kicked up on the coffee table and one teenaged boy curled up under his arm, face smushed into his hip bone.

That cannot be comfortable, he thought as he brought his phone to life.

One missed call -- Danny Williams

No doubt wondering if they were coming over since a glance at the time told Steve it was after nine already. Rather than risk waking Alex, he shot his partner a text, complete with photo evidence of why he was choosing not to call.

A moment later, Danny responded: That cannot be comfortable. Poor kid must really be out of it. Dinner’s at 1. We won’t wait unless you tell me otherwise then.

Steve tipped his head back against the couch, gaze wandering down to where Alex lay, still peacefully oblivious. The kid had made it all the way through It’s a Wonderful Life and the Santa Clause before losing the fight halfway through the Polar Express. Steve had been surprised he’d made it that long with how exhausted he’d seemed. He knew he’d have to wake Alex eventually, but a little longer wouldn’t hurt anything.

The peaceful silence only lasted a few minutes longer before Alex stirred, slowly blinking his eyes open, brow furrowed slightly like he wasn’t quite sure where he was yet.

“Morning, Alex. You slept a long time.”

He slowly rolled onto his back with a grunt and a yawn, his eyes sliding shut again.

Not completely awake then. That was fine, though; there really wasn’t any rush, so Steve would let him wake up when he was ready.

The silence settled comfortably around them again, and Steve thought maybe Alex had dozed off, but after a moment, Alex muttered into the quiet, “I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”

That was… concerning to say the least. But Alex had copped to having nightmares already; maybe that was all he meant. “You usually don’t sleep well, huh?”

Alex shrugged. “Bad insomnia mostly, and when I do sleep it’s always...disturbed, so.”

Steve winced; he knew exactly how that felt. For the longest time, he had pushed down everything that had happened with the Hess brothers, but when he couldn’t anymore, he’d been subjected to the same sleep patterns. It wasn’t fun.

Alex finally sat up, scrubbing the grit from his eyes. “I -- uhm, I overheard you on the phone with Detective Williams last night. I’m sorry for eavesdropping, but you should go. Don’t let me keep you here.”

He hadn’t been expecting that to be the second topic of conversation for the morning, but he asked the question he’d been planning to, anyway. “Do you feel up to going?”

Alex looked up, clearly startled. “What?”

“Do you feel up to going?” Steve repeated. “Because I’m not going without you.”

“Why not?”

“Well,” he sighed, “we’ve always kind of had this thing between us -- Danny and I. As you already know, Danny is divorced, which means he only gets his kids for Christmas every other year. Since I don’t have any family on the island, it kind of became this unspoken thing -- that no one should have to spend Christmas alone. And Danny -- he’s got Grace and Charlie this year, so… It’s entirely up to you if you want to go over there or not, but I’m not leaving you here alone, either.”

“I’d be intruding…”

“No, you wouldn’t. In fact, Grace would probably be thrilled to have someone else her own age around.”

Alex studied him intently for a moment before turning away with a nod. “Okay. Then, let’s go.”

“You’re sure?”

“I want to.”

“Okay.” Steve smiled. “I know they’ll be happy to see you.” . . .

Steve fell into bed that night tired but content. He honestly hadn’t been sure how Alex would do, but he needn’t have worried at all.

“Hey, Charlie! Merry Christmas, buddy!” Steve stooped over to pick up the boy, and Charlie instantly clung to him like a koala.

“Merry Christmas, Uncle Steve! Who’s that?”

Steve turned to smile at the teen still standing awkwardly by the door. “That is Alex. He’s going to be spending Christmas with us. Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Steve chuckled as Charlie squirmed back out of his arms and marched up to Alex, completely unafraid.

“Do you like Legos?”

Alex floundered for only a second before he replied, “Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

“Come on.” Charlie reached up and grabbed his hand. “Grace was building with me, but now she’s helping Danno, so you can help me instead.”

And that had been that. Steve had watched them for a moment, but almost as soon as they’d started, the tension had drained from Alex’s shoulders, and Steve had headed for the kitchen, confident they’d be okay by themselves for a bit.

As it turned out, they had been more than okay. Within the hour, it was apparent that Charlie had dubbed Alex his best friend for the day. He had insisted on sitting next to the teen at dinner, and when they’d made gingerbread houses that afternoon, Alex was the only one allowed to help him.

Neither Steve nor Danny could figure out exactly how that had happened, so later that evening, as they were settling in to watch a movie, Danny had asked.

“You seem to be pretty good friends with Alex already, huh, buddy?”

Charlie nodded. “Yes. He needed a friend.”

Danny smiled. “You think so?”

Charlie nodded again, his face completely serious. “Yes. So I thought I could be his friend.”

Steve chuckled. “I think you made a good choice, buddy -- a very good choice.”

Charlie nodded a third time. “I think so too.”

As soon as Alex had come back from the bathroom and sat down, Charlie had plopped down in his lap as the opening credits of How the Grinch Stole Christmas rolled. It wasn’t a long movie, but by the end, Steve could tell Alex was starting to drift so they hadn’t stayed long after Charlie was put to bed.

As soon as they’d gotten home, Alex had headed to bed as well; his arm had started to bother him again though he’d been fine most of the day, so Steve had quickly checked it, rewrapped it, and had given him ibuprofen before he crashed.

It had been a good day, and Steve hoped it would be another good night as well. . . .

Alex woke to bright sunlight streaming in through the gaps in the blinds, feeling surprisingly well-rested. He had startled awake around three o’clock but had obviously managed to fall back asleep. Frowning, he stared up at the ceiling for several moments before rolling out of bed. He hadn’t slept this well since before his uncle’s death; why was it suddenly so easy now?

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he found Commander McGarrett sitting at the dining table, sipping at a cup of coffee with his work tablet in front of him. If he was working, Alex didn’t want to interrupt, but he also knew he would feel awkward rooting around in the man’s kitchen to find something to eat; he didn’t live here, after all. Debating his next move, he stood there, one hand still on the railing, for who knew how long before the commander looked up and saw him.

“Morning, Alex. Sleep alright?”

Finding his feet again, he moved towards the table. “Yeah, thanks. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“You’re not. Besides, it’s paperwork; you can interrupt that any time you want, and I will thank you for it.” McGarrett stood up. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”

“No, no!” Alex was quick to protest, holding his hands up in front of him. “You don’t need to do that.”

“Do what? Feed you? Because I’m gonna have to disagree with you there.”

“No -- just -- I can do it myself. You don’t have to get up.”

McGarrett took a sip from his mug before speaking again. “Is that why you were standing there for a solid minute not moving? Because you didn’t want to bother me?”

Dang it. He’d been made from the start. But the commander had been nothing short of hospitable -- more than, honestly -- up until this point, and Alex didn’t want to put him to extra work. “There’s still pizza in the fridge, right? I’ll just eat that.”

The commander raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to eat pizza for breakfast? You’d really prefer that to -- I don’t know -- scrambled eggs?”

Alex had to admit that sounded good, but… “I mean, it has Canadian bacon on it -- that’s technically a breakfast food.”

McGarrett snorted, sitting back down in his chair. “Alright, have it your way. I’ll just go back to my exceptionally boring paperwork.”

Sighing in relief, Alex stepped around the corner into the kitchen, grabbed a couple of slices from the fridge and dropped them on a plate, then returned to the table and sat across from McGarrett. “So, when do you suppose CPS is going to show up?” he asked, taking a bite from the first slice.

“Hm?” McGarrett glanced up, pausing in his typing. “Oh, the lady was already here -- eight o’clock on the dot, as a matter of fact.”

Alex’s brain stuttered. “Then why am I still here? I thought…”

The commander folded the screen over the attached keyboard, giving Alex his full attention. “You thought you were gonna be shuffled off to another foster home?”

“I assumed -- I mean --.” Alex cut himself off as the realization hit him. He was staying here?

“I’m petitioning for your custody. It didn’t work in California to be shuffled around, so why would it work any better out here? At least, that was my reasoning. You need to be someplace where you’ll have time to settle and, Alex, I won’t lie: that can take months -- especially given what you’ve been through. And if no one is willing to give you longer than a week, then you’ll just end up right back where you started. I can’t promise I’ll even be a good guardian, but if there’s one thing I can give you, it’s time.”

He sighed. “Look, I’m not going to force you to stay with me if you don’t want to, but you should know that if you choose to leave, I’ll still be here for you, okay? You can always come to me if you need something or if you have a problem. I told you I wasn’t going to leave you on your own, and I meant it. Okay?”

Alex steeled himself, heart in his throat, to ask the question he was most afraid to hear the answer to. “What about Agent Branning? He could contest this, couldn’t he?”

McGarrett nodded. “Yeah, he could, but I don’t think he will. Even if he does fight it, I’ll fight back twice as hard, and I’ll keep fighting until it happens.”

Alex let out a shuddering breath. He had so many questions he wanted to ask. “Don’t you have to be, like, certified to foster though?”

“Also yes, but you let me worry about that, alright? You don’t need to worry about a thing; just leave it all to me.”

Alex swallowed harshly. He was not going to start crying again, dang it. But there was one last thing he had to know. “Why are you doing this? It’s just… it’s a lot, and you barely know me.”

“Honestly? It was the best way I could think of to get you out. I told you it’s time to burn some ships of your own, right? The idea behind that phrase is to move forward with no chance of going back to where you were. So if you don’t want to be a part of that work any longer, then I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you don’t feel like you have to be.”

Alex let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Okay.” His voice was shaky, but he was holding back the tears so he considered that an accomplishment, at least. What had he done to deserve this kindness? Absolutely nothing. He had lied and broken his promises and run away. Yet Commander McGarrett was giving of himself so freely anyway.

After a pause, McGarrett asked, “So, I take it this arrangement is good, then? You’re good? We’re good?”

Alex smiled and let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good.” He flipped the tablet screen back up again. “Eat your very strange breakfast, then we’ll talk more, alright?”

In response, Alex picked his slice back up and took a bite out of it, feeling like maybe he would finally be able to rest for the first time since his uncle’s death.

Maybe there was hope for the future after all.

. . . . .

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