#sometimes things contradict each other and you can be both and that's fucking ok

[r1ghtwhereyouleftme]

Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse

Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*

[chaifootsteps]

i struggle between the idea of "verosika, vortex, fizz, asmodeus, and other characters act ooc towards stolas when the story needs it for the sake of making him look better",

and,

"these characters do not know the horror stolas is capable of, are not aware that stolas called blitz, knowing he was bleeding and running for his life, just to make the arrangement he explicitly set up as "favors for favors", and they probably will never know, or any of the other geninuely terrible things he did," and both feel true, even if theyre technically contradicting each other. it feels weird to say characters can act out of character without certain information to alter how they act, but.. i mean, sometimes its just comical.

is there not something inherently fucked up about knowing asmodeus, king of consent, is chill with stolas, because oz doesnt know that stolass spent an entire season pushing boundaries, belittling blitz in a fetishistic way, and coerced him into fucking monthly for something he needed no matter what for his business?

these characters dont have to know exactly what happened, but what i do know is that their attitude would more then likely change if they learned the truth. i wish stolas's line of, "why would i allow everyone to see how much i like you?" actually meant something, because who knows that stolas likes blitz besides the people in ozzie, ozzie himself, fizz, stella, octavia, and.. that's it. verosika doesnt even know, she just assumes stolas hates blitz too. it doesnt really feel like it matters that they know, because despite them seemingly being important characters within hell, they barely have an effect on it. but it doesnt matter anyway- because mammons special episode just confirmed out right that no one there actually gives a shit about class difference! so whatre we even doing here when the shows premise was built on the basis of how supposedly taboo is it for a goetia and imp to fuck?!

if these characters knew about their deal, then yeah, the show would be holding him accountable. because the world would be naturally reacting to his actions, since rape is.. looked down upon in lust, but ok in pride i guess because of velvettes lust potion? idk :/ like let's just say for the sake of this example that only shitty people that happen to be imps, and sinners, are okay with that stuff. most imps and hellhounds seem like well rounded, average people, just with a little extra sprinkling of edgy.

i just cant help but to think; what if the story actually took advantage of hells disgust for relationships with upper and lower class demons? instead of just dropping it so ozzie and fizz could have their public "i love you so much and i dont care what anyone else thinks of it!" moment?

what if blitz got caught with the book instead of being given the crystal, and started a whole political scandal throughout hell when he gets arrested, (a good way to re-implement that stupid ass concept of prisons in hell,) but threw stolas under the bus with him by confessing (in an uncomfortable graphic detail, because i think blitz is one of those people who would make everyone feel uncomfortable when things suck for him,) that he was sleeping with stolas for the book? so that way he'd be in deep shit too.

i dont think its unrealistic either- news reporters swarmed stolas with a crowd when he got his shit rocked by striker, so hes definitely important, even if we dont know what that ugly ass dry walmart rotisserie chicken even does for his job.

i'd love to see a montage of characters like stella, verosika, fizz and oz, even fucking wally wackford; reading the news paper that morning, or watching news on the TV, only to see: "BREAKING NEWS! GOETIA PRINCE STOLAS CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH AN IMP AND ILLEGALLY HANDING OUT TRANSPORTATION TO THE HUMAN REALM!"

if that happened, then i'd be fine with stolas being a petty bitch. because he'd have practically nothing at that point, besides his daughter and his big rich house, if they dont take it from him in this scenario bojack horseman style.

its weird, gross, and unsatisfying that they set up these big stakes with big potential consequences, but the only actual consequence is stolas getting his feelings hurt, so he can feel justified into "succumbing" into thinking what blitz had was a romance, or even a relationship at all.

It's mind-bogglingly frustrating. None of these characters have any idea how terribly Stolas treats Blitzo, and that's exactly the way Viv intends to keep it.

Hell, Blitzo was there for all of it and she very pointedly never allows him to bring it up.

[anthrofreshtodeath]

Yes- like who’s more romantic or are they the same. I’m curious because on the show they weren’t very romantic but they were very affectionate in various ways with each other and with James family

Ok, got it!

I think that they are both the same level of romantic in different ways.

I agree with you that they weren't portrayed as particularly romantic- the writers and actors tried with Jane, but she just ended up being a waste receptacle for Dean's and Casey's emotional abuse (hmm... I wonder what that says about conventional heterosexual relationships and patriarchy... don't get me started).

But, I would argue that they actually were both very romantic with one another. Here we go: for Jane, she is the classic protector/provider type. She opens doors for Maura, she touches Maura when they encounter crowded or dangerous situations, and she says grandiose things like "I don't know if I'd die for you, but I'd come damn close." In later seasons, sometimes Jane is mean (honestly think this is the product of trauma from AH's divorce/menty b more than an intentional pulling away or writing change), but she provides Maura with a kind of love Maura's never experienced before. She contemplates prison time for Maura (most I'd get is two years, Maura's lookin' at life), she spits at God for Maura (using the confessional and the priest to put God on notice - I will commit murder, I will defy you, for her. I'm premeditating a cardinal sin. Because Alice put her in danger). These things seem to contradict her entire personality, and are the most romantic things she ever did - she chose Maura over her badge and her religion (hot). So, she's not kissy-kissy, take you out to dinner and bring you flowers type of romantic, but she's extremely romantic in the way that counts. For Maura. I think that if she actually got with Maura she'd be affectionate in all those traditional ways, too.

Maura is the other side of that romance coin. She's the steady for Jane's storm, giving Jane a calm love she's never experienced before. Would you like some tea? When Jane's dad is sick, a soft, quiet, why are you talking like this? when Jane denigrates herself for being stuck on a case. She opens herself up and lets Jane fall in with just her words (and physically, too. Remember "you're my nutballs, you're my family?" She literally spreads her arms out wide). She kind of gets stuck in that using-money-to-buy-love stuff with Jane (offering to pay for her lawyer, the Ferrari experience, the couch), but I think the show actually (unintentionally) does a good job of tracing Maura's evolution here. Like when she races to the be the last person Jane sees before she gets in the ambulance after saving Tasha. Or like when she sits with Jane and holds her hand, telling her that the case can wait just a little longer while they spend some quality time - because she knows Jane craves it but will never ask, so she just gives it (hot). Maura's a very reserved person physically, but she's all over Jane (I'd argue because Jane is all over her and it feels so fucking good). Also when she calls Jane to tell her she's got her back? She's a fucking quick learner.

I think this all is what makes it so easy for me to write them as romantic partners - from these schemas you can extrapolate the way they'd physically be with one another (Jane falling into that "I'd be the guy" stereotype she clings to, plus her more dominant, masculine energy, but slowly allowing herself to be vulnerable; Maura open and pliant but ultimately in charge).

Hopefully this makes sense!

[alex51324]

Dead dove, do not eat

Here’s an idea for an Izzy fic that I’m not writing, because it is super-fucked up and being in the headspace necessary to write it, for long enough to write, it would be Bad For Me, but have been thinking about a lot.  

It’s season 2 (or post-season 2, whatever); Ed and Stede have made up and begun their happily ever after, and Ed goes to Izzy and is like, “You’re miserable on this ship, and we’re toxic for each other/have grown apart, so here, take the Queen Anne and the Blackbeard name and do your own thing.  I wish you well, & if we bump into each other again we should have a drink, but parting ways is obviously best for both of us.”

It’s a beautiful, heartfelt speech, probably incorporating some material about how Ed understands how Izzy feels about him, and he appreciates it even though he doesn’t feel the same way, and yeah, maybe he sometimes played off of Izzy’s feelings to get him to do stuff, which was a dick move of him, but he does genuinely value Izzy’s devotion for him, however, Izzy will be a lot happier if he can find somebody to give all that to who actually feels it back.  

And then Izzy is just, like, “No.”  

Ed:  “What?”

Izzy:  “No.  You promised that if I was loyal to you, I would be your First Mate forever, and forever ain’t up yet.  I’m not going anywhere.  Fuck the Queen Anne, fuck Blackbeard, fuck Bonnet; if you want me to leave your side, you’ll have to kill me.

Ed:  Izzy, come on, man. You’re being weird.

Izzy:  You fucking promised!  

And then he pulls the receipts on exactly when Ed made this promise and what they said, and Ed is like, OK, yeah, I remember that interaction, but.  Dude.  Have you ever heard of hyperbole?  

Izzy is losing his shit because Ed is saying that this solemn vow that he’s structured his entire life around didn’t mean anything, and he’s just yelling about how Ed promised and he (Izzy) swore an oath and Ed can’t just throw that away.

By now the whole crew has shown up to gawk, because Izzy is making a huge scene, and then someone (like 90% sure it’s Buttons) says, “Oh, Captain, I see what’s happened here.  When a (mythological creature I’d have to research or make up) makes an oath of loyalty to a mortal man, they are bound forever, for the (creature) gains a human soul and will accompany the mortal to his eternal destination.”

(There’s a lot more behind the cut; please be aware that it gets much more fucked up.  It’s theoretically possible that a story could go in a fluffy direction from here, but this is not that story.)

Ed:  Izzy isn’t a (creature).  (lengthy pause, turns to Izzy.)  Are you?

Izzy:  (says absolutely nothing)

Buttons:  If ye spurn him, Captain, he’ll have no choice but to seek you for the rest of his days.  He’s no life of his own, ye ken, now you’ve given him a soul. 

Izzy:  He’s right.  If you leave me somewhere, I’ll come after you. If you beat me and abandon me, I’ll come after you as soon as I have the strength to stand.  If you cut off my legs, I’ll crawl.  If you cut off all of my limbs, I’ll drag myself along with my tongue. 

Ed:  Mate, do you hear how unhinged you sound?

Izzy:  If you want to get rid of me, you’ll have to kill me.  With your own hands.

Buttons:  Aye, but Cap’n, if you do that, the soul you granted him will perish as well--and, some say, your own along with it.

Ed:  Izzy, you are a human being.  (he looks to Izzy for either conformation or contradiction, and gets neither)  I hear you saying that you don’t want to leave, but you’ll be fine.  Stop being--whatever this is.  It’s honestly gross and kind of scary. 

And Izzy is like, OK, fine, if you don’t want me here that badly, kill me.  If you don’t kill me, I belong here.  Those are the options that exist.  Pick one.  

There is a lengthy stalemate over this, lasting several chapters.  In the somewhat-less-fucked-up version, they keep leaving Izzy places (ports, random islands, dinghies in the middle of the ocean, etc.) in various ways (drunk, drugged, tied up, arrested, etc.) and he keeps coming back.  In the even-more-fucked-up version, Ed tries increasingly extreme measures to make “with him” a place that Izzy doesn’t want to be, ending up with outright torture. 

The longer it goes on, the more of the crew become convinced that Buttons’s explanation for the situation has to be right, for Izzy not to have left.  (In the more-fucked-up version, they aren’t fully aware of exactly what Ed’s doing, but they know it’s pretty bad.)  Some of them are collecting lore about (whatever type of creature they’ve decided Izzy is), and keep offering Ed suggestions for how to manage him that is this increasingly obvious and frankly disgusting cruelty.  The situation is obviously uncomfortable; no one want their ex hanging around being creepy while they’re setting up housekeeping with their new partner, but Ed was the one who made a soul-pact with a (whatever); and Izzy can’t help being one.  

And here’s the really fucked up part:  Eventually, it works.  Izzy wins. 

Ed un-chains him from the torture wall and treats his wounds and gives him something to eat and his clothes back, and once Izzy’s reasonably alert, he’s like, “Iz, I really, really, really need you to understand that none of this was a test; I genuinely and sincerely think that you could be happy if you just left and got over me, and I do not believe the soul-pact-thing, because it’s crazy.  But.  I can’t keep doing this.  And I can’t kill you, so if there’s nothing I can do to persuade you to leave, the only option left is to keep you here and try to love you.”  

And then he does.  (I told you it was fucked up.)  Ed puts as much effort into nursing Izzy back to health as he did to driving him away, and Izzy is slowly tamed from being a snarling, beaten, half-starved junkyard dog chained to the wall (which he always was, even before Ed actually chained him to the wall) into a cherished lap-dog.  He eats out of Ed’s hands, and sleeps curled up at the foot of Ed’s side of the bed.  He’s very clearly Ed’s, but he learns accept treats and pets from Stede, too.  Gradually, he’s allowed to take back some of his old duties, and he’s happy.  

The crew can see it: he’s calm, he’s pleasant to them, he’s goopily affectionate with Ed.  Buttons and the others who have appointed themselves experts on (whatever they think Izzy is) point out that this is what you’d expect from a (whatever) that is being properly cared for, and pretty much proves that he’s a (whatever).

(Maybe one member of the crew has heard of Ye Olde Stockholm Syndrome, and tries to say so, but no one pays much attention.)

And--this is important--the story includes equal amounts of evidence that Izzy actually is a (whatever) versus that he is a human being with severe mental health problems.  Is it a fairy tale with a happy ending for mythological!creature Izzy, who is finally getting what he needs, or a tragedy of two co-dependency gone metastatic, in which two people lock themselves into an ever-tightening spiral of mutual abuse, until they both, miraculously, crack in exactly the right way to decide they like it?  

We never find out.  We never get the mental closure of knowing whether what we just read was a gourmet meal or a bag of rotting trash from the dumpster.  Is our enjoyment of the torture scenes retroactively sanitized by them being necessary-but-unpleasant steps on the path to redemption, or are we monsters for fapping to two men’s descent into madness?  No one can say*.  

(*Except, of course, for how it’s fictional either way, so there isn’t any genuine moral weight to enjoying it even if it is a thing that would be horrible-if-real.)

[eclipixels]

Saving Kaneki from going on that date with Rize

______________________________

The first time I had met him was at the school library. He had stumbled into my life, quite literally stumbled. He had tripped and fallen on top of me, knocking over most of the books from the fantasy section.

There he was, all shy with shining silver eyes and dark hair. He groaned and rubbed his head before immediately standing up and apologising, running back to an orange haired boy whom I assumed was his friend.

The next day, a Monday, it was going back to classes again. Most people were taking a break from everything and just going out since it was the weekend but I stayed in and read some fanfiction to release some stress. Dazai is good and all but sometimes you just need a brain break from all the high vocabulary and just read some cheesy love story written by a delusional 16 year old.

I had arrived to class early since it's nice when it's all silent and nobody is here. I sighed before taking out my textbooks and reading Sen Takatsuki's newest novel. I rested my chin on my palm as I engrossed myself into the pages of the book.

Suddenly, I noticed something from the corner of my eye, there was someone else here. It didn't take long for me to realize that it was the boy from the library yesterday.

He had 2 cups of coffee in his hand with one nervously held out towards me. I was a bit shocked since nobody had ever done a gesture like that to me before so I froze for a second before accepting the warm beverage.

"I'm really sorry I ran into you yesterday, I really didn't mean to, it was an accident and I didn't know where I was going, and um, I'm Kaneki Ken."

"It's alright. I didn't mind and you didn't have to get me this but thank you." I smiled politely.

"You're welcome and it really was no trouble. It's the least I could do to excuse my clumsiness." He shyly spoke.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked as I noticed he was still standing in front of me.

"O-oh sure!" His eyes widened. He sat down next to me and pulled out his textbooks, mimicking the actions I had done prior to him arriving.

"Hey, is that Takatsuki's newest novel? How'd you get that? I didn't think it'd be out 'till next week!" The smile that lit up his face was something I'd never get used to and unbeknownst to me, would be the one I would slowly fall in love with.

"Oh, most shops have already had them shipped to them and are keeping them in storage until next week. A bookstore owner I know really well managed to sneak one out for me." I explained.

"Aw, no way! You're so lucky! Do you mind if I borrow it? I promise I'll give it back to you by tomorrow!" He exclaimed and I can swear I think I saw sparkles in his eyes.

"Um, Here, you can take it now since I finished it earlier in the morning." I handed the book to him.

Thus was the start of our friendship. Even though he was often busy with school more than me, (since he took more complex classes) he still had time to spend with me. It'd be small things from sitting silently next to me and doing his school work while I read any book that he had recommended to just going out for ice cream together in a nearby park.

Everyday he would seem to bring me a beverage whether it'd be my favorite coffee or something else. If he couldn't meet with me, he'd always have it delivered to my doorstep. It became a tradition for us.

Soon enough, I had met the orange haired boy that I had seen with Kaneki the day that I first met him and not long after had we also become friends.

Somehow, Hide and Kaneki managed to get me out of my apartment and took me out to get lunch with them. The three of us had become quite close.

Although I enjoyed my friendship with both of them, it had seemed that I had fallen in love with the dark haired boy and might I say fallen really hard. Like, cupid got drunk and shot me in the back, sending me flying into Kaneki's heart, face first into his adorableness.

His eyes told stories that I found familiarity in. It held the same gleam of a painful past, the same feeling I found in mine. It didn't take long for me to accept the fact that I had drowned myself in his aura, becoming truly, madly deep in love with Kaneki Ken.

Unfortunately Hide had figured this out and of course he tried to get me to confess and after what felt like centuries of persuading, he finally got me to go and confess.

Well, that was before now. Now, he had come to me with pitiful eyes, telling me that Kaneki had fallen for a shy, purple haired woman that he had met in a coffee shop, and that he had asked her out on a bit of a date, and that she had said yes. I couldn't process what was even coming out of his mouth.

Kaneki asking out a stranger? Impossible–

–But.. after awhile I looked up at Hide and saw that he still had the same downcast look on his face. I knew then that he wasn't lying, and that he was serious. I guess that Kaneki does not feel the same way I do. we'll, obviously he didn't. I felt myself go numb as I was being pulled into a hug by Hide but I didn't respond. He kept apologizing over and over again, telling me that Kaneki is an idiot to have chosen a stranger over the the girl who was there for him through the difficult times and shared almost everything with each other but, in my eyes, I was just the girl who was foolishly in love with a boy who would never look at her the way she looked at him.

Hide went on about how Kaneki must have been crazy not to like me back, and that kaneki and I were perfect for one another, and that Kaneki was just making a mistake but everything that came out of his mouth just felt like lies that only reminded me more and more of the reality, stomping harder on my already shattered heart.

Hide decided to take me to get some food to cheer me up. It wouldn't work but I accepted his kind request since I can at least try to get my mind off of it.

"Don't worry about it, Y/n! We're gonna have the bestest day you've ever experienced!" Hide exclaimed determined.

"Give it your best shot." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Just wait and see Y/n, it'll be fun. Now let's go!" Hide shouted.

Once we had arrived, Hide's face looked distraught and he immediately said we should go somewhere else. I found that very weird and out of the ordinary for him. That's when I noticed him staring at something and I followed his gaze only to be met with the shattering view.

"Oh." I muttered.

"That's why" he let out a sigh. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

There was Kaneki, across the street with a tall long purple haired girl who I assumed was the girl who he asked out.

"What do you mean? That doesn't matter to me. Let's just go inside anyway." I lied straight through my teeth, doing my best to seem unbothered by it.

"Are you sure? You don't seem like you're okay." Hide asked with worried eyes, concern evident on his face.

"No no, I'm fine" but my tone contradicted my words.

"Look y/n, you're hurt and upset but you don't have to force yourself to do this-" Hide gripped my shoulder only to be interrupted by my voice.

"I said it's okay, Hide. C'mon, I can handle this." I smiled.

I don't know why I'm doing this but it can't get any worse, can it?

Shit.. yes, yes it can and it's happening right now.

Kaneki sees us and makes his way over. His expression was shocked to say the least.

"Y/n? What're you doing here?" Kaneki asked.

"Oh um, Hide and I just decided to get some food." I stumbled the words out.

"..with Hide?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yea." I pressed my lips together and rocked on my heels.

"Huh, interesting." He hummed. "Are you two out on a date?" His expression changed to bitter.

"Wait what? No way." I laughed, actually finding it funny he would think that. Even Hide snickered.

"oh.." He muttered.

"So, who's that?" I chocked out, referring to the violet haired girl.

"This is Rize." He introduced.

"Well it was nice to meet you! Excuse me I have to go now." I ran to the bathroom. Fuuuuuck that was so embarrassing. I wanna cry and scream at the same time.

I could overhear Hide and Kaneki still talking. I focused to hear a bit clearer and I immediately clasped my hands over my mouth as I heard Hide passive aggressively say, "Have fun on your date while y/n and I hang out and have fun all day. Bye Ken!"

Hide huffed before sitting down next to me. "Someone looks pissed." I mumbled.

"Who wouldn't I be pissed? God, he's so fucking dense. This is like when your two favorite characters who you ship don't end up together and one of them ends up with some other bitch." He ran his hand through his hair sighing.

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"You'd scold me if I told you so I'm not telling you. Ugh, I can't believe I'm best friends with such a-" I stopped him mid sentence.

"Let it go, Hide." I put a hand on his shoulder.

"I won't talk about it anymore but I'm not letting it go." He huffed.

"Whatever but, did you notice something weird about her?" I asked.

"Uh, not really. What do you mean by weird?" He asked.

"Bro, I swear there's something fucking weird about that girl!" I exclaimed.

"She doesn't seem weird.. I just think he's ways out of her league." He explained.

"No no, there's just something.. I don't know. She gives off weird vibes." I stirred the straw in my drink.

"Hm, are you sure you aren't acting like this because.." Hide trailed off, smirking.

"I just care about him, it's not about how I feel and- stuff for him, y'know? It's not about that. I'm just worried about him." I expressed my concerns trying to not include my feelings into the equation.

"Call it whatever you want but you're jealous." He snickered.

"I've got an idea!" I exclaimed.

"Oh no-" He widened his eyes.

"I'll go with them!" I said.

"I don't think they'd let you." He furrowed his brows.

"I'll just sit at another table so they won't see me."

"Don't-"

"I PROMISE I won't ever do it again. Just this one time and if everything goes ok I'll never do it again." I put my hands together before Hide sighed in response.

~

I sat at a table far away from them but enough for me to see. They were talking but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

Kaneki was mostly likely rambling on about his favorite books. He's so cute when he makes those little gestures. Honestly, he could talk about where hot dogs come from and I'd still drool over how adorable he is.

Seggsy lesbian bitch- I mean Rize on the other hand was just doing the debby ryan and not even eating anything. That's kinda suspicious. Is she a vampire or something? Holy shit what if she's a ghoul?!

I almost didn't notice them leaving but I somehow catched up to where they were going. It was already a but dark out. They came to a stop and Kaneki was blushing furiously.

Wait..

Oh no

They leaned in..

Are they going to kiss? I don't think I can bear to watch that.

What happened next almost gave me a heart attack. She opened her mouth and was about to bite his shoulder. My fight or flight response immediately activated and before I knew it, I grabbed Kaneki's hand and ran.. His eyes widened in pure shock.

From the corner of my eye, I could see in the reflection of weird tentacles coming out of her as she wailed and chased after us. I didn't notice at first but soon enough I felt the blood trickle down my leg.

She managed to cut my leg. I wasn't that good at running and the gash made it even worse. I felt my legs giving out and I collapsed onto the concrete sidewalk. Everything felt kind of foggy and I barely remember what's even happening right now but I could feel that Kaneki somehow managed to carry me on his back and he ran to the nearest public area.

"Y/n! You're bleeding! We need to get you to the hospital right now!" Kaneki said as he frantically looked for his phone.

"Are you okay? Did she bite you?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine! You're the one hurt right now! Why are you worrying about me?" I could see the fear and concern in his eyes. For some reason I felt guilty for it but I felt warm inside knowing he cared.

"I'll be fine, it's just a cut. She was going to eat you! What was going to happen if she did?" I squeezed his hand.

"I'm okay now, aren't I? Thanks to you." He smiled, wiping away splattered blood from my cheek.

"You're welcome, Kaneki-san"

"I called Hide to come so he can help take you to the hospital to get your wound treated." He assured me.

"Its not a big deal." I tried to pretend I wasn't in extreme pain.

"It is" He sternly voiced.

"It's not" I spoke with the same tone.

"Don't argue back. I owe it to you after you saved my life."

"Fine but only because you said so."

After we arrived at the hospital, the doctor said it was just a small gnash, nothing severe. They patched me up and Kaneki insisted on coming along with me.

"You didn't have to come with me, Ken. I can manage on my own." I said as we entered my apartment.

"Oh and also, what're you doing?" I asked as he tugged on my jacket trying to get it off which he somehow managed to do.

"Y/n, you're my friend and you saved my life, I already told you I owe you." He sighed hanging up our coats.

"A friend, huh?" I smiled sadly. Back to pain it was again. Heartbreak isn't a hobby for me, it's a lifestyle. :')

"Y-yeah, well you're my friend aren't you?" He peered at me with doe eyes.

"Kaneki I really need to tell you something." I blurted.

"What is it?" He gulped.

"I.." I started but choked up.

"Uh?" He stepped closer. Dammit why is this so difficult.

"I love you." I whispered averting my eyes away. I couldn't dare to look at his face. After a moment of silence I looked up to see.. nobody? Where'd he go?

"Kaneki?? Where are you?" I shouted. Did he leave? Wow, couldn't he at least say it that he doesn't like me. I suddenly tripped over something and fell onto the floor, thankfully on top of a rug.

I groaned feeling a sharp pain in my abdomen from landing on something underneath. I slowly get up and look to see Kaneki. Kaneki. On the floor. wut.

"Eh? What the-???" I yelled in confusion. "Why are you on the God damn floor??" I frantically shouted.

"And are you crying? And texting Hide?" I ask seeing his lit up phone screen.

"N-no" He sniffled, turning his head so I couldn't see.

"Why are you crying, though?" I raised an eyebrow, wiping his tears with my thumb.

"It's just that I never thought you'd ever like me. Do you know h-how long I've had feelings for you?" He teared up even more.

"Why are you getting emotional?" I held his hand tighter.

"Oh my bananas y/n, I'm crying tears of joy! I'm so happy you like me back! I just thought you'd never like me back, that's why I went out with Rize to try and forget these feelings." He looked away from me with pink tinted cheeks feeling shameful.

"Kaneki! Why didn't you say anything?" I scolded light heartedly.

"You know I'm shy. How come you didn't?" He scrunched his nose.  Adorable.

"Well I was! In fact I was planning on confessing on the day you asked that girl out" I glanced down while frowning, having a sour taste in my mouth.

"Y/n.. do you want to go out on a date with me?" He looked up at me.

"Of course I do and I wanted to be the one to ask!" I crossed my arms.

"Beat you to it." He smiled.

"Can I at least pick the date?" I asked.

"Errr sure but I want to go on a book date 'cause Hide said they're lame and I wanna prove him wrong." He narrowed his eyes.

"Sure." I sigh.

"Thank you, Y/n!" He launched himself at me, hugging me tightly.

"What for?" I laughed hugging him back.

"For saving me and for agreeing to going on a date with me" He whispered.

"I didn't have a choice when it came to liking you though, how could I not?" I replied back.

"May we.. stay like this." He requested while staring up at me with sparking glossy doe eyes. I gazed at his soft pink face and planted a cheste kiss on his cheek causing his breath to hitch.

The moment was innocent, delicate and serene... until Kaneki's phone dinged with a notification of a text from Hide. Y/n made a mental note to ask what he texted Hide behind her couch while Kaneki made a mental note to ask how the hell did she show up at the right moment when Rize tried to eat him.

—But only Hide knows the answer to those questions 💅

[space-city-traffic]

yet again im back on my bullshit so... (gazes with mixed feelings at the TV show Firefly) i could fix him.

my extremely long thoughts about my Own Personal Good Version of Firefly (with plenty of spoilers for the show and the movie) under the cut:

things that are getting axed first thing no question:

out with the whole “let’s add in a thin veneer of Chinese cultural aesthetics out of context for ~flavor~” deal. just no.

instead, let’s hire some actors from a bunch of different cultures and work with them to figure out how their characters would bring those cultures into space with them!! and also hopefully bring some experiences with immigration/alienation/travel into it, since the Whole Core of Firefly is about how humanity always brings our doomed and silly and stubborn and unique warmth with us even into the cold void where nothing is familiar or homey in the slightest.

let’s respect our sex worker character shall we?

i do appreciate that Inara’s work as a companion is described as legitimate and well respected in the show. however please stop having your captain and hero call her a wh*re every five seconds against her clearly expressed wishes and portraying this as just a totally acceptable thing

let’s be more respectful of our characters of color and also have some more diversity, shall we?

others have put it better than me but yeah, the way Zoe and Book are treated is very uncomfy, and the rest of the show is depressingly monochromatic. come on let’s do better.

stop the weird confederacy hat tips

again others have pointed these out with much more thoroughness than I could, but the names of some characters and locations, as well as some of the language used to describe the browncoats, has uncomfortably confederate vibes. instead i propose we very Clearly tip our hats to the Alliance equaling space capitalism instead! you can’t go wrong with space capitalism as a villain.

don’t! make! the! psychotic! character! violent!

listen i love River Tam with my whole heart. but you should absolutely not portray your only character with psychosis as violent because of that psychosis!!!!!!! and yeah, a huge part of her character is that her brain got fucked up by the alliance and so she hallucinates and is also a super ninja. but like. she doesn’t need to be a super ninja for her character to work, okay? the crew does not need to be scared of her for her character to work, okay??? more on this later bc it would take a lot of care and nuance to make her character work but i really think it can be done

things we are absolutely keeping:

found family tropes my fucking beloved

this should be self evident. this is why the show is as appealing as it is despite its flaws, at least in my eyes.

malcolm reynolds, the knight in dusty armor

there’s something so appealing to me about what Mal stands for. because at his core is this ridiculous, silly, stubborn, doomed devotion to what he thinks is important and right, a romantic idealism thinly covered by cynical cowboy platitudes that he thinks make his bleeding heart totally invisible. and he is so obvious and entirely incorrect. bless. this is a man who will do anything for his family, who charges into swordfights to defend his friend from a man who wants to turn her into an object despite having no clue how to hold a sword. at his worst, he starts brawls in bars just for the martyr’s thrill of being persecuted for supporting the right; at his best, he inspires downright religious belief from his crew because he represents a romantic and chivalrous and doomed dedication to the right thing over any practical concerns. and then he throws a “selfish” quip over it with 100% confidence that everyone fell for his clever distraction and believes him to be a dirtbag. he’s oblivious and ridiculous and god he makes me want to be a better person because he’s just so goddamned sincere. stupid, but sincere. 10/10 himbo. <3

Mal and Inara ultraslowburn friends to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to friends to...

there’s nothing i love more than a ship that’s just two people who know each other way too well, and they’re each the only one who knows the other well enough to call them out on their bullshit. the way Mal and Inara interact in the show sometimes makes me uncomfy but like. the core of their relationship has to stay.

space western aesthetic

i need the cows on a spaceship scene to stay like i need air okay

that sweet sweet religious shit

mal, who lost his faith in gd and a whole lot else during the war. who lost his faith in himself, and now feels he has to hide the part of him that still wants to be good, because he knows he can’t be anymore, and he feels like it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to want something so unattainable. who takes a preacher on board, and the preacher has lost something, too. the preacher has his own past, and his own questions. but not questions like the observant neurodivergent girl, the one who wants to interact with and understand this thing that’s so important to him, but it just doesn’t click with how her brain works and she feels like something needs to be fixed, either the Bible or herself. and Mal takes care of them all, and slowly, he begins to find gd again, not in a prayer but in humanity. humanity doesn’t need to be fixed, like the alliance thinks. the shining imperfect strawberry sweetness of it in his family’s smiles is something to be worshiped and served and devoted to. and he finds he has something to believe in again. (and his crew find that he’s given them someone to believe in, too. and maybe suddenly he’s a saint.)

and finally, my brilliant ideas as to what i would like to add:

TRANS WOMAN KAYLEE RIGHTS

listen her femininity is so important to me okay? it’s so thrilled about everything that’s pretty, from dresses to the spaceship’s electric innards, and it’s so non-traditional and grease stained until it’s not and it’s pink and ruffly and twirly, and she never sees any of it as a contradiction, because none of it contradicts, it’s all just her! her gender is warmth and love and prettiness, feeling pretty and appreciating the pretty and making her friends’ days pretty too.

i want us to find out she’s trans in that episode with the ball, and i want us to find out alongside Mal who just never asked or never realized. Kaylee gasps and squeals at the dress in the shop window and Mal makes an off handed, ill considered comment, and then... someone yanks him aside and hisses a few very significant words in his ear. and suddenly he remembers what the blue white and pink she painted all over the engine room means, and he knows he has something to make right. so he buys her that dress himself and lets her know just how pretty she looks, and when he walks into that ball with her displayed on his arm like something precious, he looks the proudest out of any man there. and she notices. for a few seconds, of course, until there’s chocolate, and ‘nara, and a chandelier—and some horrible girls, but she’s used to that, until—suddenly, she finds her people. a group of old men who light up when she jokes about compression coils and whack presumptuous boys who ask her to dance. they adopt her as a treasured granddaughter, and Mal is beaming at her like a proud dad, and she finds that one of her new elderly friends gazes a little too long at her bracelet, and so she gives it to xem and teaches xem a few new words, and... it’s a good day, huh? it’s a really good day. (of course, then the captain has to go and punch somebody in the face, but it was a real nice party up until then.)

also she and Simon are both transhet t4t im correct and you know it

time for a better River Tam

the first thing we’ve established is that this version of her is not unpredictably violent and the crew is not scared of her!!!! it makes no sense to take a kid who’s primarily brilliant, experiment on her brain, give her telepathic powers....... and tack on the fact that she also has super strength and speed and dexterity and what not, AND say that they programmed her to be super violent. no! no. not only is that extremely harmful rep, that’s also just stupid.

instead!! my version of River is in fact not terrifying to the crew, but is actually the one they feel safest around. River has always been totally blunt, she was one of those kids you could tell realllllly early was autistic, and she doesn’t like being disengenous at all. so you can always trust her to tell the truth and not play weird passive aggressive games or have any hidden agenda, which makes her just a really chill person to be around. also, one of her longtime special interests is music and dance, so whether or not she’s nonverbal on a given day, there will always be some sort of beautiful sound when she’s around. she does have the singing voice of a dying crow unfortunately but that’s ok bc Simon’s is even worse and they’re both incredibly competitive so you’ll at least get free entertainment out of the affair.

my version of River does have psychosis and hallucinations because of the trauma of the experiments, and they are really troubling to her. she and Simon work together to find ways to cope and meds that help, and it’s a process, but there are some things that help.

the only thing she gained from the academy was the ability to hear people’s thoughts and sense the future a little bit. and yeah, that led to her picking up a few spooky secrets at the beginning, which, yikes. and for a while, it was hard to figure out which voices were real and which were hallucinations. but around her friends, she always feels safe to ask “did you just think about triple cheese burritos or was that just a me thing?”, and they’ll always tell her the truth no matter how embarrassing their thoughts are, bc it’s important to all of them to respect her and help her sort accurately through what’s reality and what’s not. and bit by bit, she gets better and better at figuring out what kinds of things tend to be telepathy and what kinds of things tend to be psychosis, and that each one feels a little different. and because of the trust and respect and support of her found family she’s able to do that in a safe environment!!!

trans man Simon rights

listen i wanted to keep him as just a side note on Kaylee’s list but he is my son and he’s important to my heart so here goes

out on the outer rim where Kaylee’s from, gender ain’t much of a big deal, there’s an individualistic quality to life out there, and so if the trail you blaze is the trail of a woman or a man or neither or both, that’s respected even in the rare cases where it’s not outright encouraged. but in the inner planets, where competition and connections and public faces and family names are everything, you have to be what’s expected of you to survive. you can’t change your brand, you can’t be anything other than what your family planned for you since before you were born, it’s incredibly hard to survive in such a hyper competitive environment, and so your very identity becomes just a tool in how to market yourself for better success.

needless to say Simon (just as autistic as his little sister and also very trans) fuckin hated it there. but he was very good at it. correction: he was very good at his very specific field of STEM, good enough to where people stopped talking about how cute he looked in bows and started talking about how impressive his work was from a very young age. and his work had no gender. he could be whatever he wanted to in equations. so that was where he could express himself, and gd, he got so much praise for it, he never wanted to stop.

not until he discovered that his sister needed him, and ran away, and needed a disguise, and realized... suddenly, every stifling rule and prying eye was a million miles away. he was freefloating, freefalling, with none of the charted paths he’d been following all his life... so you know what? fuck it. he’s always enjoyed the name Simon. and since it’s not on any legal records, it’ll make him just that much more untraceable.

and on Serenity, starting over with new people who never knew him before his transition feels like an unbelievable blessing that just dropped right into his lap. he has to keep up the secrecy, he has to make sure they never find out who he used to be, because gd, it’s so nice when they look at him and say his name right, and he doesn’t know if he can handle losing that, not when it’s so new and so important to the person he’s finally becoming. but then one day, the unthinkable happens, the wanted posters for his arrest have an old name on them, they’re looking for the Tam sisters, and... nothing changes. the crew of Serenity could not give even a tenth of a percent of a fuck, and it doesn’t seem like they even know they’re supposed to. huh. that’s new. Simon could get used to that, he thinks.

i’m sure there’s more i could add, but it’s 4:30 in the morning now, so if more occurs to me, ill simply add it in a reblog tomorrow. if you’ve read down this far, i am in love with you. please let me know your Better Firefly ideas, too, bc im always down to yell about this show!!!

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

no grave can hold my body down – 2/2

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: It took time to get Jason Todd away from the darkness. Sometimes it felt like he was always standing at a tipping point, at risk of completely losing himself. But not when he was with her. She made him better and she would continue to make him better.

Word Count: 9,000

A/N: I know there are a lot of contradicting opinions on Jason Todd’s height. But for my own wish fulfillment, he is 6′3/6′4ish in this fic. 

Part 1

Y/N had fallen asleep after getting home from work. She had a long day and was so exhausted that she passed out as soon as she sat down on the couch. Jason had to take off her heels and drape a blanket over her.

Now he was dressed in his armored undershirt, cargo pants, leather jacket, and tactical boots. His red helmet was tucked under his arm, but he was already wearing a domino mask. If Bruce had taught him anything, it was to be prepared to a point of paranoia.

He crouched down to his knees.

Ever so gently, he brushed Y/N’s cheek.

“Y/N,” he whispered.

She stirred and winced a bit when she opened her eyes, the glare of the quiet television was suddenly harsh.

“What’s going on?” She asked, still half asleep.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep. I just wanted to tell you I’m leaving to go on patrol.”

“Mhmm. OK.” She hummed. “Be careful, J.”

If Y/N ever found out how un-careful the Red Hood was, she would never sleep and she’d probably beg Jason to quit his vigilantism.

“I love you,” he told her before kissing her on the forehead.

“Love you, too,” she said back so dreamily that it sounded like she was talking in her sleep.

Jason slipped out of the window. He purposely chose this apartment due to the direction the windows faced, the distance from approximate apartments, and the darkness that would prevent any wandering eyes from the neighbors.

He’d been patrolling for a few hours. It was oddly a quiet night. He assumed it had to do with how cold it was outside. Sometimes criminals were weak in the most obvious ways.

Jason was standing on a rooftop, taking a breather when he felt someone drop behind him. He knew his family all too well and could differentiate all of their footsteps. Which was why he didn’t immediately shoot Dick when he thought he’d try and surprise him.

“So, Y/N was quite the hit…” Dick said without giving Jason a proper greeting first.

“What are you still doing in town?” Jason answered.

Dick sighed. “B still needs a little help on the case.”

Jason nodded, not actually caring why Dick was still in Gotham. 

Then an awkward silence washed over them. Well, Dick thought it was awkward. Jason couldn’t care less. 

“Why won’t you talk about her with us?” Dick’s teasing was gone and his tone serious now.

Jason turned his head away from the city view and finally acknowledged his brother. “You don’t need to know anything about her,” his helmet distorted his words to make them sound even harsher than they already were.

“Doesn’t seem like she completely shares that view.”

Jason didn’t respond. He didn’t appreciate Dick speaking on Y/N’s behalf.

“Bruce seems to like her,” Dick added.

Jason’s head snapped to him. “As if I give a fuck,” he snapped.

Dick had the audacity to laugh. “How did the two of you meet anyway? She was living in New York City when the two of you first met, right?”

“Jesus,” Jason growled. “Did all of you run a background check on her?”

Dick shrugged. “What did you expect?”

————

Y/N didn’t have any idea where she was going. With the sun having already set, she couldn’t even figure out what direction she was headed.

But she had typed the address to her hotel into the Uber app and trusted it from there. She was also too preoccupied still answering the dozens of work emails on her phone.

“Hey lady, we’re here,” the driver said rudely after she didn’t realize they had stopped.

“Oh, sorry!” She said, writing the last few words of a sentence before pressing send.

She jumped out of the car and yelled a thanks before slamming the door shut.

To her surprise, the car raced off without a second’s hesitation.

But when Y/N turned around, she realized she was definitely not in the right place. And for the first time throughout the drive, she realized she was definitely in a bad area.

Y/N heard all of the terrible things about Gotham. Sometimes she wondered if the things about all of the crime were exaggerated by the news or if the city was really rotting from the inside like everyone said. What she definitely didn’t believe in was all the vigilantes that seemed to be protecting the city. No one could ever offer up any proof, even with every single human having a video camera in their hands at all times.

But now she wishing she’d taken people’s warnings a little bit more seriously.

This was definitely not Gotham Heights, where her nice hotel was located.

“Fuck,” she muttered as she whipped out her phone and instantly tried to call another Uber. But the app was being finicky and she was getting a loading screen for far too long.

Then she heard a group of men whistle at her. The streets were filled with literal dumpster fires. There were countless inoperable cars with broken windshields and without wheels. The only women she spotted looked like they were working the streets.

‘Walk, Y/N. Just walk. Act like you know where you’re going.’ Her brain was screaming at her.

So she did while remaining on high alert.

No matter how much she pretended to blend in, she was obviously out of place and sticking out like a sore thumb.

Her heart was racing and she tried to walk as fast as she could without fully running. She just hoped to get to a main street soon and try to catch a yellow cab, since apparently all her car-service apps decided not to work.

But suddenly, a man stepped onto the sidewalk, blocking Y/N’s path forward.

“You lost, sweetheart?” He cooed.

Y/N stopped and started backing away. But when she turned around, she saw that two men were waiting behind her.

“No need to be scared,” the same men said behind her, closer this time. “We just want to talk.”

‘Fuck this,’ Y/N thought before she decided to make a run for it.

But one of them grabbed her and shoved her to the side, pushing her into the alleyway she hadn’t realized they were right next to.

It was so dark that she could hardly make out the silhouettes of her attackers. But that wasn’t going to stop her from fighting. She immediately tried to shove past anyone in her vicinity and hit whoever was grabbing her.

“Get the fuck away from me!” She screamed, hoping that there was someone in this poisoned city that would try and help her.

Except she was outnumbered by three men, which ended in her getting shoved up the brick wall that lined the alley.

“I don’t have any money,” she gasped as a last ditch effort to save herself.

“Who said we wanted your money?” One of them chuckled darkly.

Before their words could hearten Y/N to try another defensive attack and escape, there was a strange zipping sound that echoed down into the alley.

Next thing Y/N knew, the man that was pressed up against her and pinning her to wall was flung off.

Y/N gasped and tried to get her eyes to adjust to the darkness enough so she could actually see what the hell was happening.

“It’s the hood!” One of the men yelled to his friends before making a run for it.

Then a gun was fired off – two shots.

Y/N yelped at the noise and covered her ears.

But when she looked back up, the man who had tried to escape was now on the ground, screaming in pain as he looked down at both of his knee caps that had been shot.

When Y/N turned her attention to the other two men, she finally saw who had interrupted their assault.

It was a man – if that was even what he was – dressed in military gear of some sort. But what really caught her attention was the red helmet that was reflecting the night light and allowing her to actually follow what was happening.

Y/N watched as he punched the daylights out of one of her attackers. She saw the man’s face get more and more covered with blood with each punch.

If Y/N was scared before, she was now terrified.

Without hesitating any longer, she too made a run for it, hoping she wouldn’t be shot like the other runaway.

She sprinted around the corner. But she only got a few yards before the same behemoth landed in front of her.

He was tall, and had to be at least 6’3. Men were confusingly short in New York, so Y/N was still trying to wrap her mind around having to tilt her head slightly up. But then she realized it wasn’t even his height that was jarring; it was how utterly hulking he was. His shoulders were so wide and his chest was massive. His thighs seemed to be the same width has her entire torso.

Everything about him was intimidating and imposing.

“I gotta give you credit for being that fast while wearing heels,” he said to her as he glanced down at her shoes.

It wasn’t exactly comforting that his voice seemed to also be distorted by the helmet.

Y/N was frozen in fear, truly not knowing what he was capable of or even what he wanted.

“You can relax. I’m not gonna hurt you,” he told her with his hands raised. His guns were no longer in his grip, but in their holsters at his thighs.

“You just killed three men,” Y/N told him with a shaky voice as she took a step back.

“I didn’t kill them. But if you want me to, I’d be happy to go back there and finish the job.”

“What? No!” Y/N cried out.

He had the audacity to chuckle at her reaction.

“Where exactly did you think you were going?” He asked her.

“This whole damsel-in-distress thing is new for me. But I thought it made sense to run away from the guy who was shooting people,” she told him quickly.

Jason was grateful that his mask hid all his emotions and facial expressions, because he was smiling at her sass.

He looked her up and down, taking in her outfit and just her overall look. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“What gave me away?”

He shrugged, ignoring the question. “What the hell are you doing in The Bowery? This is the most dangerous neighborhood in Gotham.”

“My Uber dropped me off here. I thought I was at my hotel and by the time I figured out I wasn’t, my driver had already sped away and left me for dead.”

He took a step toward her. “What’s a gal like you doing in Gotham?”

“I work for an art gallery in New York. But there was an event that I had to attend. I’ve been here all weekend.” 

Why was she telling him any of this?

Jason nodded in understanding. “Come on,” he told her.

“W-What?” She asked nervously.

“You’re not gonna get a car in this area. You should report the driver who brought you here in the first place. He knew better.”

He walked past her.

Y/N looked around her, trying to figure out if she even had any other option. She knew he was right about a car, which was probably why she’d gotten a loading screen for all of them when it realized her location.

Yes, he was technically a masked criminal. But he did just save her life, no matter how terrifying it was to watch.

Y/N decided she didn’t have much of a choice.

Before she could move, a motorcycle was being pulled up alongside her.

Y/N eyed it for a moment.

“What’s your name?” She asked him, as if it would make the situation any safer.

“Red Hood,” he told her.

Y/N nodded, not surprised that it didn’t make her feel any better. She realized she was in no position to ask for his real identity. She knew enough about vigilantes to understand that they only survived from hiding their true selves from the criminals they fought and the law enforcement who thought what they were doing was wrong.

“Where are you staying?” He asked her.

“Crest Hill Hotel,” she told him.

“Fancy,” he teased. “Hop on.”

Y/N hesitated before following his instructions. She sat awkwardly on the back of the motorcycle, unsure of what to do.

“You’re gonna want to hold on, beautiful.” He told her over his shoulder as he revved the engine.

Y/N tried to ignore the heat that rushed to her face as he called her ‘beautiful,’ and then she tried to ignore how wide and strong his torso felt as she reached to hold on.

It took 20 minutes to get to her hotel, proving that the Uber driver really hadn’t given a crap about how incorrect her original address had been.

Jason had decided to drop her off in the back entrance to avoid a scene of the infamous Red Hood dropping off an average citizen. He didn’t need that type of attention and Y/N shouldn’t be tied to him in any way.

Y/N got off the motorcycle with a surprising grace and turned to him.

“Thank you for…saving me,” she told him gently.

“It was nothing,” he told her.

Y/N just watched him for a moment, wondering what he looked like under that red helmet and without all the armor.

“What’s your name?” He surprised her by asking.

“Y/N. Y/F/N Y/L/N.” 

She didn’t know why she felt comfortable giving her surname. But it just came out.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Though, I wish it had been under better circumstances.”

Y/N suddenly dug into her purse, making sure she still had her phone and even just the key to her hotel room.

“Fuck,” she muttered without realizing it.

“What is it?” Jason asked.

“Nothing. I just…it sounds stupid, but I have a little notebook to write down ideas for – well, for my artwork. But it must’ve fallen out back in that alleyway when those guys shoved me against the wall.”

When she looked up at him, it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

“Anyways, thank you again.” She turned to finally walk away.

“Y/N?”

She shouldn’t love how much she loved the sound of him saying her name.

Y/N turned around.

“Stay close to the hotel. Gotham is different than New York City.”

She nodded.

————————

“So, when did you see her again?” Dick questioned after he listened to Jason’s retelling.

“I was helping out a friend with a job in NYC. Things got ugly. I may or may not have been shot when I showed up at her window. Her apartment was in the area and I needed a place to lay low.”

Dick laughed. “Uh huh. Sure you did.”

Jason ignored him. “Anyways, I’d gone back to the alley that night and found that notebook she was talking about, and gave it to her to make up for bleeding all over her couch.”

“Always the romantic,” Dick teased.

Their conversation came to a halt. Instead of talking, they both listened to the city noises that Gotham brought.  

“Listen, Jason, I know I did a poor job of being there for you and actually acting like a brother. And I also know you haven’t always been my biggest fan.”

Jason stayed quiet.

“But you deserve to be happy. And we both know Y/N does that.” Dick sighed. “But you don’t talk about her with us and you kept her from even just meeting us after years of you two dating. If we weren’t all noisy and paranoid, we wouldn’t know a thing about her.”  

“What’s your point, Dick?” Jason asked roughly.

“No one ever wants to acknowledge this, especially you…but you’re more like Bruce than any of us. And you’ve seen how he pushes people away, keeping them at a distance. Y/N wants to be a part of your life, your whole life. And that includes all of us – whether you like it or not. So, what I’m saying is you don’t have to hide her from us.”

Dick knew not to expect a response from Jason. So he left him where he found him and gave him his space once again.

Jason didn’t have anything to say anyway. 

Dick’s words made him angry more than anything. Because he knew they were true. Yes, he saw how Bruce behaved with women. It was promiscuous and casual, because anything else was too close for comfort. Bruce’s priority would always be Batman. And Bruce knew that no significant other deserved his lack of commitment – no matter how much they might love each other.

—————

Y/N was doing her nightly routine and applying moisturizer to her face when she heard it. She could be acting paranoid, but her instincts were telling her something was off. 

No, someone was here.

Jason made a point of being loud and immediately announcing when he got home as to not scare her. So, it couldn’t be him.

As quietly as possible, Y/N tiptoed out of the bathroom and to her side of the bed where she kept a titanium baseball bat. Jason had offered her multiple times to teach her how to shoot a gun. But Y/N wanted nothing to do with them.

With the bat in hand, Y/N snuck her way to the living room where she heard the sound.

She had turned off all the lights, making it hard for her to see clearly.

But she did see a large mass standing in the middle of her living room. With just a bit of hesitation, Y/N swung the bat. But the intruder caught the bat, stopping her attack.

They stepped into the moonlight, finally allowing Y/N to see that it was Batman in his full uniform, cowl still on.

“What the fuck. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Y/N snapped at him.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Bruce defended.

But Y/N was still irritated. “Jason isn’t here.”

“I know. I came to talk to you.”

She froze. “Me?”

“I need a favor.”

Y/N narrowed her gaze. “I highly doubt I could do anything to help you.”

“You’re wrong. This has to do with your job. You work at The Drago House.”

Y/N tilted her head and crossed her arms. “Yes.”

“It’s owned by the Ibanescu family. They use it as a front for human trafficking.”

Y/N shook her head. “That can’t be possible…”

“Don’t underestimate the crime families of Gotham, Y/N.”

“So, why do you need me?”

“There are files and codecs that would decipher who their buyers are and where they hold auctions around the world. Nothings digital. They’re old school. With that information, we could shut done their operation forever.”

Y/N’s face was serious now. “What do you need me to do?”

“You have always had access to all the information. You just never knew it. All I need is for you to scan the files.”

She now looked at him suspiciously. “Don’t they say you're the world’s greatest detective? I find it hard to believe that you’d have problems breaking into the gallery after hours to get them for yourself…”

“It’s only completely lockdown as soon as it closes every night. Their security system is high-end and resets every 24 hours. Could we get into it eventually? Yes. But we’ve already been at it for weeks. And we’ve received word that there’s a big…” He hesitated. “…shipment happening any day. We don’t have time to waste.”

Y/N thought about what he was telling her.

“Why didn’t you go to Jason?” She finally asked.

“You said Jason doesn’t tell you what to do.”

Y/N glared at him for using her own words against her.

The apartment went quiet again.

Then Y/N nodded slowly. “There’s an opening tomorrow night. I can get them then.”

—————

Dick’s words haunted Jason for the rest of the night. He wanted to cut patrolling early and just get back to Y/N.

Now he swiftly moved into his apartment from the fire escape and immediately took off his helmet and domino mask underneath.

But Jason froze when he saw Y/N’s bat in the middle of the living room.

His heart raced at the immediate assumption that something happened to her. The furniture was untouched and there were no other signs of trouble, but he still rushed towards the bedroom anyway.

“Y/N?” He called out, despite it being nearly 4AM.

He let out a sigh of relief when he found Y/N slowly waking up from their bed.

“J?” She murmured, half asleep.

“Y/N, why is the bat in the living room?” Jason asked as he rubbed his face and then sat on the edge of the bed near her. Without even thinking, he cupped her cheek.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up more. “I thought I heard something and freaked myself out. But it was nothing.”

“Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me when shit like that happens.”

“But it was nothing,” she repeated. “What?” She added with a sigh when he was giving her that disapproving look.

“I don’t care if it ends up being nothing. If you’re scared, then I’m going to be here. OK?” Then he finalized his point with a quick kiss to her lips.

She nodded. “OK.”

Then she looked him up and down, realizing that he was still completely in his Red Hood gear, only without his helmet.

“You OK?” She asked in a whisper. Her eyes already scanning his body for any obvious injuries.

“I’m fine,” Jason sighed. “I was just worried about you when I saw the bat. I thought something…”

Y/N quickly sat up in bed. “Hey, hey, hey. I’m fine. I’m OK. I was just being paranoid. I should’ve put the bat back. I’m sorry.”  

A comfortable and reassuring silence settled between them.

“Why don’t you take a shower and come to bed?” Y/N offered softly.

Jason nodded and kissed her again.

As soon as he was out of the room, Y/N ran a hand over her face. 

She hated lying to Jason. He didn’t deserve it. But she also knew he wouldn’t let her anywhere near an operation that Bruce was trying to pull off. This had to be the same thing that Tim had pulled Jason aside for at the gala.

But Bruce made one thing clear: he needed her help. And he wouldn’t do so if he wasn’t desperate.

———————-

The next night, Y/N couldn’t stop sweating and her heart rate was out of control. She tried to act like this was just another day of work, greeting customers, explaining the pieces, and answering questions.

But the need to get into the back offices when everyone else was gone would not stop nagging her.

With shaky hands, she tapped her ID on the scanner. Usually at this point in an event, all of her colleagues were either on the floor or had called it the end of their work day and headed home.

By some miracle, that was exactly the case.

Y/N locked the door behind her, never having seen a purpose for doing so any other day of working at the gallery.

“OK. OK. OK. Breathe,” she muttered to herself as her eyes scanned the room.

She knew where all the files were in the room. And Bruce had given her the keys to knowing what to look for. Now it was just a matter of putting the two together.

Y/N instantly went to work and started shuffling through papers, finding what was needed.

Bruce had given her a special pen that would scan every file within a second no matter what angle it was pointed at, so Y/N wouldn’t have any suspicious photos on her cellphone.

Y/N was almost done, covered in sweat and with shaking hands, when the door started jiggling.

She swore her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

With pure adrenaline, Y/N quickly put back the files that were in her hand.

But the person on the other side of the door was clearly getting impatient quickly and continued to mess with the doorknob.

Y/N jumped when it was finally kicked open. She whipped around to stare at a man who was nearly the size of Jason, but looked far deadlier. She’d never seen him at the gallery before, which meant he was definitely part of Ibanescu’s gang.

“Can I help you?” She snapped rudely, trying to use her authority to hide her fear.

“What are you doing in here?” He accused.

“I work here. Who the hell are you?”

He ignored her question. “Why was the door locked?”

“You still haven’t told me who you are,” Y/N shot back.

And with that, she straightened her posture and started walking past him. But this man wasn’t as stupid as he looked. Just as she thought she’d slipped away, the man grabbed her by the arm.

“Excuse me,” Y/N hissed.

But he ignored her and started dragging her into the back storage area of the gallery and further away from the crowd.

Y/N tried to rip her arm from his grasp but his grip was vice-like and didn’t even seem fazed by her efforts to escape.

This was not good.

While Y/N was still hopeful that she could possibly talk her way out, she was also realistic. 

Which is why she hit a button on her watch.

Jason had gifted it to her very early on in their relationship. It was a classic chronograph watch. But he had installed a panic button onto it.

“If something ever happens – even if you think you’re being overly cautious – you push this and it will send out a signal that I can track. I’ll be there before you know it.” That’s what he had told her when he gifted it, and she’d worn it every day since.

A few seconds later, Y/N was being shoved through the door that led to the back alley.

There was a group of men, just as large and intimidating as the one who still had a grip on her arm.

It was pouring rain and freezing outside. But the slight overhand of the building into the alley protected them slightly.

“What the fuck is this?” One of them asked.

“I found her snooping around in the offices,” he announced.

“I’m one of the directors of this gallery!” Y/N bit back. “I was checking the price points on pieces for a potential customer.”

“The door was locked,” the man added.

They all seemed to be looking at each other.

Y/N was frozen, trying to wait for the perfect moment to make a run for it.

But then she saw one of the men, who appeared to be in charge, eye the pen that was clipped to the pocket of her pants. She prayed that he was too stupid to think it was anything more than just a writing utensil.

But then he slowly walked up to her. He grabbed the pen from her pocket and inspected it.

Y/N swore time froze. She couldn’t hear anything. She couldn’t feel the tight grip on her arm that was surely going to bruise her.

Then the man’s gaze shifted from the pen to her eyes.

“Get her in the car,” he told the group.

Y/N’s heart dropped.

Without hesitating, she immediately started to fight the man holding her. With a swift motion, she kneed him hard in the groin, making him let out a growl and keel over. But he dropped his grip on her arm.

Despite wearing heels, she made a run for it. She didn’t get far, but she got far enough into the rain that she was already drenched.

Another man grabbed her, shoving her against the building and clenching her throat to a point of suffocation.

“You stupid bitch,” her original captor spat as he backhanded her across the face.

Y/N blinked as a ringing started in her ears and her face stung with pain.

“Get her in the car before you make a fuckin’ scene,” the leader warned.

But before they could respond to the command, the street lights went out, causing a surge of darkness to blind all of them.

Y/N tried to step away from her attackers as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. But she couldn’t see a damn thing. The pouring rain was only making it more impossible.

It wasn’t until one of the men cried out in pain and guns started firing that she could see anything. Except it was too fast for her to make out a clear picture. Every so often, a lightning strike or a muzzle flash would give her a short glimpse.

Lo and behold, Batman was taking out the men one by one. But every time Y/N’s eyes focused on his tall silhouette, he’d disappear. She couldn’t keep track of his movements. And apparently neither could any of Ibanescu’s men.

“Shoot the girl!” One of the men yelled.

Y/N’s eyes widened when two of the men turned their guns on her.

But just before they fired off their rounds, a small force tackled her to the side and behind the safety of a giant dumpster.

Y/N looked up to see a young boy shielding her with his own body.

Damian. 

Things were so chaotic that she hadn’t even registered he was there, too.

Before she could say anything to him, there was another presence that dropped down beside her. The next second, she was being grabbed and pulled into the sky.

From the feel of his arms alone, Y/N immediately recognized it as Jason.

His grappling gun had brought them to the roof of the building.

Once their feet were grounded onto the roof, Jason barely stepped away and grabbed her shoulders.

Y/N couldn’t read his face from his helmet. But the subtle movements of his head made it clear that he was scanning her body to see if she’d been hit. It only took a few seconds to be convinced that she was clear.

Then he was grasping her face. “Stay here,” he told her before he used his grappling gun to vault back down into the alleyway.

Y/N ran to the edge of the room to look down.

When Jason returned to the fight below, he was ruthless.

Damian had seen the Red Hood with a vengeance many a time. But this… this was something different.

No bone was left unbroken.

Jason wasn’t just neutralizing these men…he was out for blood and pain.

The leader of the little gang was on his knees, covered in his own blood, when he looked up at Jason, who had a gun pointed just centimeters from his head.

“Red Hood, no!” Bruce growled as he threw a batarang, knocking Jason’s gun away from its almost-victim.

Jason whipped his head around. “They were going to kill her!”

“I wasn’t going to let that happen,” Bruce countered.

While they talked, Damian knocked out the man Jason almost murdered. By now, all of them were knocked unconscious or so injured that they couldn’t even open their eyes.

Jason’s entire body froze, realizing what had really happened. Bruce and Damian didn’t just happen to be there to save his girlfriend. This was their doing. They were the ones who had put her in this dangerous situation to begin with.

“What the fuck did you do?” Jason thundered.

Just as a flash of lightening struck, he turned to face Bruce, finding his new prey.  

“She had an in and I asked her to use it,” Bruce explained evenly. “She agreed.”

“Of course she fucking agreed!” Jason yelled over the rain. “She’d never say no to helping! And you knew that, and you took advantage of it!”

Then he raised his gun, pointing it at Bruce.

“Put the gun down, Red Hood.”

“Fuck you,” Jason hissed.

The next thing Y/N knew, Jason shot a bullet towards Bruce, causing her to let out a yell from above. In her heart she knew he hadn’t aimed to kill, but Bruce dodged the shot anyway.

Now the two men were fully fighting each other. Bruce seemed to be pulling his punches and just trying to remain on the defense. But Jason wanted revenge. Yes, Bruce and him had a dark history. But putting Y/N in danger erupted something inside Jason that made him see red in a way he never had before.

Just as Y/N was going to call out for Jason to stop, she heard someone drop beside her on the roof.

Dick stood a few feet away, standing tall in his Nightwing uniform.

“Dick, do something!” She begged.

“I can stop Bats, but I can’t stop him,” he told her.

“Then get me the fuck down there! Use your zip-line thingy!”

“Zip-line thingy?” Dick repeated, clearly offended. “This is a grappling–”

“Dick!” Y/N cut him off.

“Right, sorry.” He grabbed her, held her body tight to him, and lowered them down back to the alley.

When Y/N looked up, Bruce was on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

But Jason wasn’t done with him.

“You made it clear that you don’t give a shit about me. But putting the one person I love in danger just for you to solve a case? You’ve reached a new low,” Jason yelled as he slowly started to walk towards Bruce.

But before Jason could reach him, Y/N blocked his path.

She was soaking wet and shivering from both the cold rain and the shock.

Jason could already see the bruises covering her neck and face. He also didn’t miss the small line of blood that had trickled down her nose.

“Jason,” she whimpered. “That’s enough.”

He froze.

Y/N walked to him. “Please, just take me home,” she whispered.

Just seeing her made Jason’s entire body relax. But he was also reminded that she was the priority, not Bruce.

Noticing her shivering, he took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Bruce, Dick, and Damian were barely able to see the short, loving moment before Jason flung a smoke capsule onto the ground, covering him and Y/N as he brought her into his arms.

By the time the smoke disappeared, Jason and Y/N were gone.

—————-

When Jason and Y/N got back to their apartment, Jason when into autopilot mode of nursing Y/N. He pulled her into their bathroom and immediately started helping her out of her wet clothes. Y/N couldn’t stop shaking, and he noticed.

Jason only left her side for the split moment when he turned to start the shower, making sure to make it extra hot.

Then he was right back at her side, taking off his uniform and matching her nudity.

When he gently tugged her into their abnormally large shower, there was nothing sexual about it.

Now that Y/N’s skin was bare to him, he looked at all the injuries she had.

There were a few scrapes that would heal in a week or so. But Jason’s gaze went dark every time they lingered on the bruises across her throat, face, and bicep. He should’ve killed all of those bastards.

Y/N leaned into Jason’s chest. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Because she knew that’s what this was. Jason wasn’t mad at her – at least, not yet. That could very much come later. But no, right now, he was scared. He put so much energy into keeping Y/N away from his other life, only for her to be thrown right into the center of it. And it wasn’t even his doing; it was Bruce’s.

“I know,” he bent down to whisper in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her.

Y/N didn’t know how long they stayed in the shower. But eventually Jason turned off the water and wrapped Y/N around in a fluffy white towel. She looked so young and innocent.

He moved her to their bedroom and sat her down on the edge of the bed.

Y/N watched him as he moved about the room, getting each of them clothes – all from his own closet.

“Are you hungry?” He asked her carefully as he handed her a pair of his sweatpants and one of his hoodies.

She shook her head.

Jason wasn’t surprised. One of the side effects of trauma and shock was a loss of appetite. But he made her drink a huge glass of water before he let her get in bed. And he made a mental note to make a big breakfast tomorrow when her body recovered and realized how starving it was.

When they were both finally under the covers, Jason didn’t hesitate to pull Y/N completely in his arms, smothering her with his giant frame. She welcomed his touch and warmth, burying her face into his chest.

Neither of them knew who needed this closeness more.

Tonight had been scary. Y/N knew Jason’s anger was bound to show up at some point. But right now, both of them were just grateful they were okay.

————————-

To Y/N’s surprise, she woke up in bed alone.

But her concern didn’t last long as she heard Jason moving around in the kitchen and she could hear soft music was playing if she listened hard enough.

When Y/N moved to get out of bed, she felt all the soreness that came from being grabbed and thrown around like she was last night. She winced, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. But she made a mental note to hide any signs that she was in pain from Jason.

Over their time together, Y/N and Jason got disturbingly good at reading one another. So, when Y/N walked into the kitchen to find Jason making breakfast, she immediately sensed things were not good. It wasn’t the cooking that tipped her off. His naked back was to her and she could somehow see the tension in his shoulders – in his whole body.

Y/N knows he heard her as soon as she walked into the kitchen.

“There’s coffee,” he says without turning around from the stove. He’s making pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes, to be precise.

Y/N pours herself some coffee and sits at the table, watching him.

A few minutes pass before she’s had enough of the tension.

“If you’re gonna yell at me, then yell at me,” she told him.

Jason froze for a moment, but then quickly looked at her over his shoulder. “When have I ever yelled at you?”

He had a point.

Yes, Jason was once filled with only rage. There was a reason some feared Red Hood more than the Batman. He was ruthless. Fueled by vengeance, his temper, and his disappointment in the evil that plagued the world. He fought his enemies, but he also fought with his friends and family.

But Jason Todd was none of those things with Y/N. He never lost his temper with her. He never projected his rage and hardships from what he saw as Red Hood onto her. He’d never even raised his voice with her.

“I know,” Y/N admitted. “But I also know you’re still angry.”

Jason sighed, turning off the stove and bringing a giant plate of pancakes to the table.

But Y/N couldn’t eat while having this discussion.

Jason leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have let me do it,” Y/N countered.

“Yeah, and for good reason.”

“He used you, Y/N.” Jason tried to explain. “You’re untrained… with no exposure to this world. He knew not to involve you and he went behind my back to do it anyway.”

Y/N lowered her head in shame. There was a part of her that felt useless. She couldn’t jump around rooftops and save those who needed it. She was just…normal.

“I just wanted to help,” she mumbled.

Jason leaned forward from seeing her upset. “Y/N, come here.” He reached for her hand and baited her towards him.

She took his offer and moved from her chair to straddle his lap.

Jason held her waist tightly as he pressed his forehead to her’s. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered.

“You’re not going to,” she reassured him.

“Please, I’m begging you, don’t ever do something like that again.”

Y/N’s heart hurt at how desperate he sounded. She had realized far too quickly that Jason wasn’t scared of death. He was only scared of her death.

“I promise,” she told him.

“You scared the fucking shit out of me, Y/N.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Jason accepted her apology with a kiss. But it didn’t end quickly. In fact, it got more heated and hungrier. His grip got firmer on her waist.

Y/N knew where this was going, especially as he thumbed the hem of her hoodie and sweatpants. But they both needed this.

“The pancakes, Jason.” She warned him.

Jason smiled as he pulled away from her lips. “Fuck the pancakes,” he told her in between kisses. “I’m takin’ you back to bed.”

—————————

A few weeks had passed since the incident. Y/N tried to get her relationship with Jason back to normal. He still insisted on keeping his vigilante life away from her. But there was more of an understanding for why now.

However, tension had risen again a couple days after the attack, when they received an interesting gift in the mail. They had opened a rather large envelope addressed to the both of them. 

Inside were two first-class plane tickets to Paris with their names on them and an open reservation at Hotel Le Royal Monceau.

Y/N had stared at them with more of an understanding than Jason.

She’d looked up at Jason. “I…I told him I’ve always wanted to go to Paris when I first met him at the gala.”

He’d glared at the gift. “Typical Bruce. If he can’t punch his way out of an issue, he’ll try and buy it.”

Neither of them had said anything about actually using tickets and reservation. It just collected dust on one of their end tables.

Now Y/N sat in their apartment alone, reading another one of Jason’s books, when her cell started ringing.

It was a number she didn’t know, but she decided to answer it anyway.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, it’s Alfred Pennyworth,” a charming voice answered back.

Y/N couldn’t help, but smile. As if she knew more than one Alfred in the world. “Hi, Alfred.”

“I thought it would be a good time to give you that lesson you asked for. Are you free today?”

Y/N looked around her apartment. All of her plans for today had consisted of laying around, drinking coffee, doing a bit of reading.

“Yes, today would be great.”

—————

Y/N wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and had given Jason the heads up on her change of plans.

Seeing as Jason had no issue with Alfred, he didn’t seem too bothered bit it all. But he did still tell her to be careful and ended the call with a sincere, “I love you.”

It was strange going back to Wayne Manor when there wasn’t a gala being held there.

Y/N thought it would seem more like a home this time around, but it still felt like a museum to her. And yet, she still had imposter syndrome as she walked through the threshold.

Alfred gave her a warm smile as he opened the door. “It is lovely to see you again, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Alfred, please, it’s just Y/N.”

He nodded. Then he gestured for her to follow him. “Come. I have a station set up in the cave.”

Y/N stuttered to a stop. “Cave? As in the Bat Cave?”

Alfred seemed amused with her hesitation and concern. “Of course.”

“Should I be – Is that even OK?” Y/N fumbled through her question.

“Well, I don’t see the point of hiding it from you. It’s not like you don’t know all the family secrets already, dear.”

Y/N blinked at that and finally continued following him.

Alfred led her through the secret passage way as if he was taking her to the dining room. She tried to control her reactions and not come off too interested in the details of it all. But it was rather hard.

Just like Alfred told her, there was a little medical station set up in a brighter lit area of the dark and dingy cave.

Y/N half expected him to bring up the recent drama that she’d caused. But ever the gentleman, Alfred didn’t so much as mention it.

He also did as he promised, going through everything she could ever need to know while tending to Jason. He even had little models to practice sewing stitches on. He was a good teacher and Y/N was soaking it all up like a sponge.

She couldn’t imagine her going to med school at any point. But knowing these skills were going to be used to help Jason made it easier to retain.

After hours of teaching, the cave awoke as a carport opened and the batmobile sped in.

Y/N internally swore. She’d hoped not to run into Bruce with this visit. He never seemed to be home, so the odds had seemed low. But clearly she’d messed that up.

Bruce stepped out of the car, taking in the two of them.

“Any injuries, Master Wayne?” Alfred asked politely.

Bruce was about to lie, but he glanced down at his abdomen where it was quite obvious he was bleeding.

“Perfect. My pupil can practice on you,” Alfred announced. 

Y/N’s eyes widened in panic. “Oh! That’s definitely a bad idea…”

“Nonsense. Best way to learn is under pressure,” he winked. “I shall go off and start dinner. Let me know if you’re near death, Master Wayne.”

Y/N watched him leave, regretting ever having come here.

When she turned back around, Bruce was removing his cowl.

“He’s right,” Bruce admitted. “Best way to learn is under pressure.” Then he moved to sit in the medical chair.

Y/N swallowed, realizing how dry her mouth was. “Right.”

Her hands shook as she tried to remember everything Alfred had been through. But she knew in the back of her mind that Bruce was fully capable of stitching himself up. So, as much as this was a set up from Alfred, Bruce wasn’t running away from it like she had tried to.

Y/N hadn’t said a word as she cleaned his wound, only apologizing when she thought was necessary – even though he never made a sound of pain or even so much as winced.

Bruce seemed to be following her lead, not wanting to force her to talk if she didn’t want to.

But after 20 minutes or so of silence, Y/N couldn’t take it any longer.

“You know, you can’t buy his forgiveness,” she said as she focused on her stitches.

“I wasn’t only looking for his forgiveness…”

Her eyes flickered to meet his awaiting gaze. “You can’t buy mine either.”

“I owe you an apology,” Bruce began to her surprise. “I should have never involved you. It was dangerous, despite how in control of situation I thought I was.”

“I agreed to it,” Y/N offered. Then she looked at him again. “But I accept your apology.”

A moment passed before Y/N asked, “Are you going to say that to him, too?”

“I would if he would even consider talking to me.”

With that comment, Y/N put down her tools for a second and straightened her posture. “I may not know you very well, Bruce. But I do know that you and Jason are more alike than either of you care to admit.”

She hesitated on continuing. Did Bruce even deserve advice from her?

“He was hurt. And he showed all of you that hurt by being angry, because he didn’t know how else to tell you. He doesn’t feel heard and he doesn’t feel seen. He was lost. And it’s hard for him to just forget how you all handled it.” She took in a deep breath. “But I know he still sees all of you as his family. And you’re the closest thing he’s ever had to a real father.”

Then she quickly grabbed her tools again and cleared her throat. “So, get over yourself, and just talk to him. And I mean actually talk to him – not as Batman and Red Hood, but as Jason and Bruce.”

The cave went quiet.

Y/N couldn’t help herself and looked up at Bruce. Either she was losing her mind or he was giving her a very shy smirk.

“What?” She blurted out.

But before he could answer, a motorcycle sped into the cave.

Y/N would recognize Jason’s bike anywhere. But he wasn’t in uniform. Instead, opting for his black leather jacket and a normal tinted motorcycle helmet.

After he took it off, he eyed the two of them, trying to read the room.

“Hey,” Y/N said shyly.

“Figured I’d come and pick you up,” Jason answered her unasked question, ignoring Bruce.

Y/N looked down at Bruce’s injury. “Actually, I’m all done here.”

“Thank you,” Bruce said sincerely as Y/N covered the wound with a bandage. “You’ll be a better nurse than Alfred in no time.”

Y/N grinned and took off her gloves.

But then she met Jason’s unsure gaze. They had a silent conversation.

“I’m gonna go say goodbye to Alfred,” she quickly told Jason, but really she was telling both of them. “Meet me out front when you’re ready?”

Jason hesitated, but nodded.

Y/N walked to him and gave him a quick kiss for comfort and encouragement.

And then she was off, leaving the two men alone.

Jason shifted his weight, not knowing where to start.

“You’re lucky to have her,” Bruce finally spoke.

Jason winced even though it was a compliment. “I don’t deserve her.”

Bruce stood up. “That’s not true.”

“You of all people know I’m not a good man, Bruce.”

He shook his head. “We may have different views on how to save this city. But we both want the same thing. That doesn’t mean you’re not a good man, Jason.”

Jason blinked at his statement.

“I owe you an apology for... a lot,” Bruce began. “The first is putting that girl in danger.” He paused. “The second was not protecting you – before and after everything that happened.”

“You mean before and after I died?” Jason wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

Bruce’s jaw clenched at that.

“Anything else you want to apologize for?” Jason challenged.

“Yes,” Bruce confirmed. “But I get the feeling that you don’t want to hear it all right now.”

There was a pause.

“You’ll always be my son, Jason. Even if you no longer see me as your father.”

Jason’s eyes filled with tears at Bruce’s words. But he held them back. He couldn’t break down. He couldn’t be weak. Not here. Not now. Not like this. 

He couldn’t take any more of this discussion. But he knew this was what he’d been wanting to hear from Bruce for so long.

“I’ll see you around, Bruce.” He told him before putting his helmet back on.

But Bruce had one last thing to say. “Keep her close. Don’t be like me, Jason.”

‘Don’t push people who love you away and make this darkness be your only life,’ was what Bruce would never actually have the courage to say.

Jason now had the cover of his helmet to hide his expressions. But he gave Bruce one last glance before tearing out of the cave.

—————

As Jason pulled his motorcycle up to the front of the manor to pick of Y/N, Damian was playing out front with Titus on the gravel drive.

“Hey, Demon Spawn,” Jason greeted after taking off his helmet.

“Todd,” the boy replied coldly.

To his surprise, Jason got off his bike and walked to him with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Damian eyed him.

“I saw what you did that night. You saved her life,” Jason said.

Damian waited.

Jason held out his hand. “I just wanted to thank you.”

The boy hesitated before finally shaking it.

Jason didn’t expect Damian to say anything. But he did know talking to him like an adult, instead of a kid, was the only way to get through to him.

Then Y/N was walking out to them with Alfred lingering in the doorway.

“Hi, Damian,” she greeted sweetly before greeting his dog as well.

“Hi, Y/N.”

Jason was surprised he even remembered her name.  

“Ready to go?” He asked Y/N.

She nodded. But then reached up to touch the white in his hair. She seemed to have a fondness for it. And Jason didn’t seem to mind.

“You OK?” She asked.

He nodded. “Better.”

She gave him a shy but encouraging look. “I’m glad.”

“I love you, you know,” Jason breathed.

“I know,” she smiled.

---------------------------------

Oh lordy. That took way longer than I was expecting. But kept my mind off of this dumpster fire of a country. And I hope reading it did the same for you ❤️

[bitchesgetriches]

Aunties, this isn’t finance related per se, it’s privilege related. I had a really rough start to adulthood - abusive parents isolated me from friends and family, wouldn’t allow me to get a job or license, then kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. I struggled to even finish high school, let alone get a job, but a few years have passed and I have a nice car and trailer in really proud of, I graduated and planning to go to college next year, I have a pretty okay job that pays above min. wage (1)

And knowing me now you’d never know I was violently suicidal for all my teen years and had a brief stay in a mental hospital, shortly before my parents kicked me out. All in all I’m in a much better place, and I know I’m lucky to have gotten out of that place, but... my coworkers drive me crazy. The job I have now would have been impossible for me to get back when I was really struggling, so a lot of the people I work with never struggled like I did, they came from middle to upper middle (2)

Class families, young people still living with their parents who pay all their bills, only part time work so they can go to college full time which their parents also pay for, parents bought their first car, etc. And I find myself resenting them because they don’t seem to know how good they have it, how lucky they are to have loving supportive families. They didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to me when my car broke down at work, because they didn’t know I struggled for four years (3)

To even get a license, let alone a whole fucking car. Not only do I resent them but I feel like I can’t relate to them at all, which makes it a little lonely sometimes. My old job was in the middle of a very impoverished area, all my coworkers were in my same position, we all related to each other. I felt like I belonged. I don’t feel like I fit in with these privileged people, even though I recognize I’m also privileged myself to even have all the things I worked so hard for (4)

The cognitive dissonance is real. I know it’s not my coworkers fault that they’re privileged and I should be glad they all had better upbringings than I did, so how do I stop feeling so bitter about it? (5)

My darling child, your story is fucking important. Not only do I feel you on a lot of levels (feeling bitter about privileged friends and colleagues yet also guilty about my own privilege), but I think a lot of our other readers do as well. And this is a really, REALLY good example of how privilege works to divide us, even when someone like you claws their way over a mountain of extremely difficult odds to earn a place of stability and status in their community. 

I have a lot to say about this whole feeling, which I wrote here:

The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don't Tell Me What's Expensive

But I’m going to take a detour from our usual advice here and make a radical suggestion. It’s ok to stay bitter and angry. Especially when it comes to class discrepancies and cluelessly privileged people. 

I just finished reading “Rage Becomes Her” by Soraya Chemaly, which is a wonderfully vindicating book, but also very hard to read because every 10 pages or so I had to throw it across the room whilst screaming in anger about all the things we have to be justifiably angry about. But the last two chapters of the book are extremely useful because they’re about weaponizing our anger--using it as a tool for change both in our private lives and in our culture at large. 

So I’m going to make the radical suggestion that instead of trying to get over your bitterness, you embrace it. The next time someone makes you feel small or angry because of your struggles... tell them so. Practice telling pieces of your story calmly and firmly, in a tone that doesn’t invite contradiction. Practice walking away after telling this story. And practice telling people, “Not everyone has access to the same resources and advantages that you do. For example, let me tell you how my parents denied me access to resources and education that would help me be independent and support myself, and then kicked me out at age 18 in spite of these disadvantages.”

Feel free to tell me to go to hell, though! If you’d rather work on tamping down your anger and bitterness, that’s totally legit. Write back and I’ll point you to some resources about how to resolve those feelings.

But I think you could do a lot of good for yourself and your peers if you stopped swallowing your feelings and instead bared them for all to see. While no one is entitled to your story, I just read it and I think it’s fucking powerful. The cluelessly privileged need to learn. And they’re less likely to do so if they blithely assume you grew up with all the same advantages they had. 

[taptrial2]

gravity falls of course

AWWWWW YEAH BABY YEAH HELL YEAH BABY (for the character blorbo ask meme)

blorbo (favorite character)

ok considering my icon i know this is sacreligious. but if i knew what kinning was i would have put dipper on my kinlist in 2012/2013. hes just so. hes so. hes just. i find the way gravity falls writes adolescence pretty fascinating - it's deeply flawed in some ways and yet somehow still gets right at the pulse of what makes being a preteen /teenager so hard. i think dipper and mabel's writing exemplifies this the best, and i despite being Mabel Biased, dipper's sheer determination and sweaty nerdisms make him fun to imagine in miscellaneous scenarios. he's great. besides, mabel fits in another category much better...

skrunkly (my baby)

MABEL. MABEL PINES. i FUCKING love mabel pines, you people know this, shes my icon and shes right there smiling at you. she's unashamedly herself and she's very loudly weird and creative and CUTE. her sense of identity is very strong, but she's so sure of herself in so many situations that sometimes she can make some serious missteps. the important thing is that she learns from those missteps and grows. she just has a very specific worldview and i love her for it. me and my mom still say "I SUCCESSFULLY BEZAZZLED MY FACE. BLINK" at each other. shes just a ball of delight and contradictions and, under it all, a fear of growing up and becoming someone else, someone boring, perhaps even someone estranged from her family. i love her and her creativity and sweaters and general cuteness.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated favorite)

HMMM THIS IS GENUINELY HARD TO PICK. all characters in gravity falls are beloved in some way or another... and a lot of my picks fit better in different categories..... i will come back to this EDIT: i forgot to come back to this. idk if old man mcgucket counts as underrated but him.

glup shitto (obscure favorite)

the manotaurs. just, all of them. i know they represent toxic masculinity but also theyre so funny. me and my mom also quote these guys at each other, specifically PECS ON MY ABS... AND FISTS FOR NIPPLES!!!!!!!!!!! i wouldnt necessarily say theyre compelling on a deeper level but theres value in just playing a role in a story and having some good-ass jokes in there. the pain hole... it haunts me. what's in there.

poor little meow meow (pathetic favorite)

pacifica. i know this will be a controversial pick in some circles. i know shes rich and sucks. but the added depth given to her in season 2 really won me over - she deserves better treatment both from her family and from those around her. she's prissy, stuck-up, and mean, and initially that was all it took for little kid me to hate her guts. but as i grew up and the show expanded, she changed. i could identify with her a lot better. and even though i still think her family should redistribute their wealth to the people i still think shes a good character and should kiss mabel on the lips. my terrible beloved.

horse plinko (character i would hurt for fun)

ROBBIE. hes a great addition to the show and plays his role well but if he was a real dude i'd kick him off a cliff. his chipper mortician parents are interesting but other than that hes one note so i would feel no shame in kicking the fuck out of him for funsies. also dude wendy is so clearly a lesbian, get off of her back man

eeby deeby (character that i would send to superhell)

I KNOW THIS ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. bill cipher. i know he was already punched directly into superhell but seriously dude. cmon. of course, i love him as a character, he's charismatic, he's cunning, hes unapologetically evil, he gets around the disney censors. he's undeniably iconic, a next level tumblr sexyman. but also you put mabel in a ball i hate you. explode

[harryforvogue]

ok ok so don't know how long tumblr will allow me to go. I separated them in colour depending on the fic they belong to. They aren't fully developed at all but it's a huge start, I literally stayed up till 4. It's definitely a move for someone that was crying abt "idk how to make a personality, i dont even have one"

The Savior: royal au enemies to lovers (the one we talked abt on the asks)

Alma:

jealous

analyses everyone and everything: doesn't exactly judge out loud but she has a lot to say if anyone asked her opinion.

out of the norm: she will never stick to the norm or what is expected of her, both as her role (given its royalty there were loads of contradictions but girl boss doesn't give a fuck apparently)

ah, she doesn't like being told what to do or bossed( this later on is something she has in common with her spouse)

her actions are unexpected, you don't know how or when she did things or appeared at a certain place but she's there. Girl is a mystery.

She's mysterious, quite sexy of her. Not even her husband can decipher if he tried.

Ms know it all. Somehow, someway she knows.

can make friends easy, but enemies easier. ��

Her husband is constantly at the brink of losing his shit if Alma makes yet another decision without thinking. "What were you thinking?" "I wasn't"

fuck off is their way to say I love you to each other.

When it comes to sex, neither of them like being bossed around so sadly not a lot of dom situation. They take turns and sometimes argument which ends in hate sex and thats 👀👀 hot as fuck. Poor guards tho.

Untitled: archaeologist x paleontologist enemies to lovers

Lou: all i got so far.

Most annoying dickhead. why was he assigned for this?

"Have you ever thought about shutting your goddamn mouth for a second? No"

He just gets stuff done, no questions asked. Need that cave dug up by tomorrow? deal, close your eyes blink for a second and boom, touch the ground.

Sometimes you're not sure if he bought the degree or actually got it by own merit.

Share with me the sun: Landlord x single mom (still debating with neighbor! but this is hot so)

Aster: She's a single mom that escapes an abusive relationship with her toddler child. They move all the way to Brooklyn where at the new apartment, her landlord is incredibly sweet and king as well as hot.

Naturally she's adventurous, she didn't fear a thing. However this faded with the years.

trust issues

resourceful (the amount of diy's this girl has going on istg, finding every solution to anything and everything)

generous: She alleviates others pain or sadness, however there's so much built inside of her. if only she could trust someone or like girl go to therapy, unleash. Part of her being so resourceful is that she makes the best gifts, always knows what everyone likes or needs and brings it asap (or hell she builds them something that poof! ✨problem solved)

Often times gives more than what is asked/ expected of them which sometimes ends up with people abusing her kindness and stepping over her.

Funniest motherfucker in the world when she gets confident/ feels comfortable with a person.

Can be impulsive at times, taking fast decisions (often times her partner has to take the upper hand before her)

Restless hopeful lover: reads too many romance books

One Way Ticket: Sidney. only got her name okay? but this ask got too long and i NEED TO GO TO THE VET w my dog. shall develop later.

Empire: mob au (listen im thinking of going vampire mob)

Sephira:

her husband is a simp. You think he is the head of the relationship bc he has an unbelievable amount of power? no. He tends to argue but falls back into the realization he's not the head of anything.

Whatever she asks for, he gets it for her because you know? love

Hungry all the time.

Snuggling 24/7

Stubborn - always right. "I'm right, you're wrong shut up"

Best insults and sarcasm

Unquestionable loyalty and love. Caring and nursing her husband, especially when he comes back hurt. The soft side of her is only for him to see.

Surprisingly kind (unless you disrespect her or her husband) Boy if you disrespect her husband maybe you should say goodbye to the sun.

She's a taurus.

Do not rush her or bother her. (her husband is constantly annoyed bc god we are gonna be late)

Do not. provoke her.

has never gotten lower than 5 stars on Just Dance.

Best style and fashion advice.

Bloom:

Dorian: he's there just...not built but at least i decided on the name.

Some remain undeveloped, therefore are out of the list but have patience, I am literally loving what i've got so far.

YESSSSS NATE!

it's so hard to get into the groove of OC's but you did it!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THEM. THEY'RE LIKE OUR LITTLE CHESS PIECES!!!!!! sephira is my kinda person

[baranedizille]

If you want to share your lawlight hogwarts!au headcanons I’d love to hear them!!

Ohhhhh ok 👀

long poooooooost

Light

He and Sayu are muggle borns, their family moved to England when they were toddlers because... of Soichiro’s work? They just have to live in England to make lawlight visit the same school, k?

Sayu’s magic powers were distinctly visible since her earliest ages. Soichiro and Sachiko were shocked indeed, but they learned how to live with it after all. Light had been thinking for long time, until age of 9-10 when his powers really started to show up, that he was an ordinary child. He was envious of sister’s abilities and got complexes, so he tried to be the best in each area he was involved in. Also because of all of this he thought that magic world is something stupid, weird  and isn’t good enough for him.

But as I said, he learned later that he was a wizard too, his family was really happy for him, but he himself had.. mixed feelings. 

He thought, well, I’m a wizard too but I learned it so late, does it mean that I’m a weak at magic? He didn’t want to be weak.

He thought of his sister as a talented witch who didn’t want to put much effort into growing her skills (which was true, ok) and he was a hardworking one without talents. He needed to be the best, didn’t matter at muggle school or magic one.

The Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor, because he wanted so and he really was sure of his choise. Gryffindor complied with his ideals, what were put in him by his righteous dad, the most. But we all know he’s a Slytherin.

But hey, Light really tries to be and even sees hinself as a Model Gryffindor.

He’s a head, of course he’s a head.

At years 2-5 of studying he played Quidditch, but he left the team because he got bored of it also he wanted to give more attention to his student life. The same story with tennis haha

He’s the same age as Matsuda an shares the room with him and three other npcs. Matsuda is kind of his friend, well, Touta thinks so. Light doesn’t consider him as his real friend, he thinks good of him as a person but Mattsuda isn’t smart and educated enough for his level, still, Light is soft and kind of patronal to him.

Light still keeps slight dislike of weird magical stuff, including these stupid wizard hats and robes (hello L, you’re the next)

L

He was raised in an old all pure blood wizard family. Of course they all were Slytherins pft. I didn’t want to make him an orphan in this AU because I like to think of a conflict rebellious and self-dependent L would have with his traditional family. (Also “Those Who Stand”-fic rottened my brain).

So yes, he likes to contradict his family’s policy and annoy them with his views and acts just because he can and thinks that he’s the smartest.

He hates his family and doesn’t want to have anything common with them. BUT. There’s his far relative Quillsh, who he really respects and who was his only friend for a long time. He mostly lives with him during Summer, but the winter holidays he spends in Hogwarts.

He loves Hogwarts. It’s like the real home to him with all it’s magic mysterious atmosphere and riddles. @lightsredapple headcanons that L would make a map for all of Hogwarts secret passages for science.

In spite of his terrible family being all Slytherins, he’s still proud to be in this House, because he feels that it fits him and makes him feel more special phhp

L is one of the best pupils of course. He’s really good and talented at magic tricks, he likes to be challenged and doesn’t pay much attention to classes that can’t give it to him, so he has mixed reputation among professors.

L as a pure blood child quite good at Quidditch but doesn’t play in team, because he’s definitelly not a team guy. He visit the field alone time to time and just flies around, he liked the feeling of freedom it gives.

B is his roommate, they’re kind of pals, but they can’t really be friends? Because for B L is unreachable ideal of intelligence and talent, and it excites him and it makes him mad and jealous.

L has a toad.

he calls him just “Toad” or “mr Toad”.

He loves clothes and bags  with big amount of pockets to keep magic junk, sweets and poisonous stuff for potions there.

Lawlight, finally

Light and L both love to be the best, and moreover, they’re able to be. So they’re rivals from the very start.

what worses the situation, they’re from different Houses, what traditionally antagonize each other. Also they’re really different as persons. Light sees L as a weird weirdo who doesn’t put much effort into being a good student (shame!) and thinks he’s the smartest, L sees Light as a boring formal fuck who thinks he is the smartest pft

Secretly, Light always thought that L’s interesting person and wanted to be as free as him. They met on the first weeks of school, Light was polite and friendly to him while in his thoughts he noted his weird look and behaviour, Light was really interested what a person L was, but L found his interest irritating. He offended Light somehow and totally screw up the first impression.

Light kept the insult for years. 

While for L it meant nothing haha

Their first years in Hogwarts they spent in cold neutrality. They were rivals but hey grew respect to each other with time.

Even so, in potion class they usually share the work place, because classes require working in teaam and they learned that they can’t normally work with anyone but each other, they know that the partner will do everything right.

Years pass and L realises that he actually likes Light in some way, he thinks sometimes, what if they were friends/

At year six of school there’s Triwizard Tournament, and L is 17 yo already, so you know...

When L was choisen by the Goblet of Fire ohhh how sixteen years old Light was envious

L thinks that asking Light as the second smartest person in Hogwarts to help him with the tournament is a great opportunity to grow friendship with him. Light is flattered by the offer, but of course he doesn’t show it, L won’t get it from him.

so yes, they start growing friendship, they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Other pupils are discouraged how suddenly these two became best friends after years of enmity.

Room of Requirement, which L found first, is their favourie place to spend time together, so nobody could intervene with their stupidy. Keeping this secret makes them feel special. Actually, at least 20 other pupils found the room too.

They love visiting Hogsmeade at weekends. L always buys a lot of candies and unsuccesfully tries to make Light taste some of them, because he’s a good friend, right?

another hc from @lightsredapple which I love, - L likes to pretend to not know basic muggle things to annoy Light

Usually, Light spends Christmass at home, but this year Sayu leaves Hogwarts alone.

L fails the last tournament trial because he thinks about Light too much and he’s completely ashamed of it, he would never tell anyone about it.

Oh ok I’m actually tired by now, so let’s stop on the sixth year haha

Also ask @lightlessons, maybe she has something to share with too!

[ryuichirou]

Sorry if this is personal but is it tough to be LGBT in Russia/ produce LGBT content in Russia (I mean it’s the internet but still)

Oh, this is an interesting topic… I’ll answer both of these questions and start with the content.

While being LGBT isn’t illegal per-se, there are a lot of limitations that LGBT people meet here. When it comes to creating content, for example, there is the Gay propaganda law. You might’ve heard about this one, it basically means “you can’t produce any content that portrays LGBT in any way, because it’ll make our children turn gay and we don’t want that”. But the thing is, the wording in this law is so… convenient for the State, they can basically call anything an illegal propaganda if they want to. Technically what we’re doing over here is illegal too. If they’d want to call it illegal, that is.

This is the reason people who publish works that have LGBT-related content in them may have issues in the process. There are ways to avoid them, but it is still very hard to officially publish something that has any “iffy” content. Sometimes putting a “18+” label on the book/movie/tv-series/etc helps, sometimes selling said piece of media only on the internet helps, but still: there is always a possibility that a publisher might not be able to produce the product they want. Censorship is a thing, bans are a thing, all of this exists, but you never know whether you’ll be hit by it or not. Please keep in mind that Russia is also an extremely corrupted country.

If you’re just a content creator and post your stuff on the internet only, it’s usually ok. Homophobes exist, but they tend to exist somewhere else, not near fandom places. There are tons of artists from Russia who draw explicit stuff (and a lot of these people are LGBT), a lot of them print their merch and sell it on the geek art markets, and even though there were cases where a printing house refused to print someone’s slash illustration, it’s usually ok. But.

But but but. You still can be targeted and sued for the most ridiculous stuff. For example, you can read about Yulia Tsvetkova’s case, who was arrested for her body positive series of drawings + a drawing in support of LGBT-families under the “distribution of pornography” and “gay-propaganda” laws respectively. There are tons of drawings like these on the internet, but Yulia was specifically targeted because she is an activist who wasn’t quiet about her support of women and LGBT. As you can see, the “gay propaganda” law is a very convenient way to shut people up.

Another example that comes to mind is two gay guys who got married in a country that allows you to get married when you’re not a citizen (I think they did it in Denmark), and they tried making their marriage legal in Russia too because it doesn’t really contradict any law. They fled the country  because they started getting threats and their passports (along with their marriage) were deemed  invalid. They were also charged with a fee for “damaging their passports”.

Now our wonderful government, which loves cheating during its elections to the point where you get 146% total when the max is 100%, made this wonderful terrible election for changing the constitution. Their changes are a joke (not really funny tho) and its own topic, but one of the changes was that marriage is “a union between a man and a woman”. Now it says that in the constitution.

TL;DR: If they want to get you, they’ll find a way to get you. But if you’re just a rando who posts slashy smut on your twitter, they don’t care, at least not yet. They will use it against you if you start annoying the police. There are a lot of homophobes but the fandom spaces are usually relatively peaceful.

Personally, we’re lucky enough not to face any severe problems yet. We’re careful irl (people usually think we’re related lol) and only some of our friends know about us. We don’t show any affection to each other publicly. On the internet we’re surrounded by people who are friendly, and once again, people from the fandom spaces are usually more progressive than a regular Russian Pyotr or Oleg.

I, being an idiot that I am, used to draw tons of slash (nsfw too!) at classes right in front of my teachers while I was at the uni. And even though it definitely wasn’t very wise of me, no one ever approached me with “umm are those gays, are you gay too” question. The only ones that were interested by my drawings were two straight girls who read slash fanfiction. Maybe the rest of those who noticed were too shy :(

Katsu: I was always an idiot who likes to flex things as a teenager, so when Ryu and I started dating, I mentioned it in my school to some of my classmates. I’m pretty sure it started some nasty rumors, one guy was openly disgusted, but other than that, I haven’t heard anything from them and they never told teachers or parents, which could be consequences that I never considered. The only thing he said was “Are you a lesbian?” which wasn’t really offensive even though I’m not really a lesbian, but I was like... was that supposed to be an offensive word? Because it wasn’t. Right now I realise that I was lucky not to get beaten up lol I’m from a small city (not a town) and not the best district, but I guess nobody cared that much about this info even if they heard about it, plus people were/are usually afraid of me, so not even the worst boys who were obviously stronger (like that disgusted guy) touched me. I only mention it because I know for a fact that some of the people (like 2-3) were usually openly aggressive, it’s not like the worst class you can get in Russia where the only solution is to fucking suffer.

At the uni, I heard our group discussing lesbians, since students there were mostly girls by another disgusted individual, and I actually wanted to say to her something with a “Come at me bro” attitude (I tend to do that when I’m pissed off), but I just decided not to intervene, probably because these were the first couple of days in my first year. I still told one guy like a month later, he was rather cool with it. Anyway, as Ryu mentioned, there are places and people where you can mention it and get away with it, and where you better keep your mouth shut. Most of the country is the second option, but there’re for a fact a lot of nice and accepting people even out of the fandom. We don’t talk about our relationship for the most part because we don’t really need to, so here’s that. Sorry for being so talkative lol

[rotationalsymmetry]

Fucking weird when people will be like “Wicca (/neopaganism in general/white people who are witches/new age people) are so racist because of appropriation!!!!!” while not saying anything about, y’know, Christians stealing indigenous children and forced conversions and stuff.

Don’t get me wrong. Neopaganism had racism issues we need to address (and which some groups are addressing and some aren’t), both in the form of appropriation and sometimes in the form of white supremacy/white nationalism.

But literally everything white people do has a racism problem. Christians have a racism problem. Secular humanists have a racism problem. Star Wars fans have a racism problem. (Oh shit, I meant that as a random example, I forgot about the Boyega thing.) Leftism has a racism problem. Everyone’s got racism.

But saying “Wicca is so racist” in isolation implies that Wicca is uniquely or especially racist and people shouldn’t be Wiccan, rather than Wicca has a racism problem like everything else and people who practice Wicca and related traditions should work on right relations with indigenous people and other people of color, including figuring out which practices were appropriated so you can do things differently.

Being white and Wiccan isn’t worse (from an indigenous rights perspective) than being white and Christian (not gonna comment on POC in either faith, it’s not my lane (there are non-white Wiccans)) but it gets from what I’ve seen more direct flack on tumblr, if I had to guess because the Christians are bigger and more likely to hit back.

White Christians need to learn to undo ideas about “heathens” needing to convert and Christianity being better than all other religions, and need to deal with their baby stealing problem. (Not all Christians have a baby stealing problem, but it’s a problem that Christianity as a whole needs to grapple with, not just ones who are actively doing it.) White atheists and agnostics need to deal with a contempt for indigenous spiritual traditions problem. White Unitarian Universalists need to deal with appropriation and our ideas about who “we” are that excludes people of color, poor and less educated people, people with certain disabilities especially intellectual and developmental disabilities, Muslims, etc. (UU’s are non-credal, so being a UU and a Muslim isn’t a contradiction and we do have Muslim members.) And our tendency to go “we did stuff in the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s, so that means we’re good on the anti racism thing, right?” We also should, and really haven’t been, addressing the fact that most of our members are exactly the demographic that tends to do things like call the cops on a black guy just minding his own business because he “looks scary”. We are actively working on our “POC should join the denomination but of course it’s not a problem if everyone in leadership roles are white” problem.

I digress.

White pagans as a whole need to deal with our appropriation problem and our white supremacy problem and our “being weird about pagans of color” problem (more of an issue in some groups than others) and sometimes our “gender essentialist and being terfy about trans women” problem. One group I’m involved with (eclectic but mostly Wiccan-inspired) has been doing land acknowledgements, which is a step in the right direction; it’s going to be an ongoing process.

But “ew, Wiccans are racist” (implied: in a way that’s different from other groups and in a way that means people shouldn’t be Wiccan) is just wrong.

In fact pagan groups are often a haven for people who get things like the importance of defunding the police (not reforming, defunding) and decolonizing, both in mostly liberal areas and mostly conservative areas. Pagans are way more likely to be radical than people of most other beliefs, and more likely to be actively anti-racist. That doesn’t mean that pagans don’t have a racism problem to deal with or it’s not ok to criticize or whatever. Being anti racist in some ways doesn’t cancel out appropriation or make it OK. It’s just…idk, if I was a white supremacist and wanted to divide the anti-racist left against each other, I might well do things like go around dropping “wiccans are so racist” anons in people’s ask boxes.

Anyways, be Wiccan if you wanna be, don’t use white sage to purify (salt water works great), remember that racism isn’t about pure groups and problematic groups but rather a problem that runs through pretty much everything, and peace out.

[kimabutch]

I'm so sorry if you've gotten a similar question but just out of curiosity: What are your favorite things about each of the M9? (It can be just the first thing to come to mind, I just really like hearing your takes on them)

Oh thank you, that’s such a compliment!! Ok, going in alphabetical order (and excluding Molly not because I don’t love him, but because I feel like I don’t have a great handle on his personality anymore):

Beau:

Oh god I love her so much, it’s hard to even know where to begin! Maybe with the fact that Marisha might have my favourite sense of humour of all the cast. Beau makes me burst out in laughter at least once per episode. 

I love her strong instincts to help others — it’s been there from the beginning, with her attempts to stop the circus people from getting arrested, or her tucking in Jester. I feel like her decision to be a better person was a turning point not so much in her care for others, but in how much she admitted that to herself.

That being said, she’s tried so hard to keep that promise to herself, and to keep being better. She tries so hard to be more social. She tries so hard to treat her friends with tenderness that’s never been shown to her. She tries to hard to be an expositor, and to be patient, and to investigate shit. She tries so hard not to lie, and to be more emotionally vulnerable. And she’s succeeding! I’m so proud of her. 

I love that she’s a gnc lesbian, and that this is a big part of her story, and important. I literally cannot tell you how much it means to me that she’s a lesbian. 

Caduceus

Cad has been such a calming, loving presence in the show since his arrival in e28, but most of all I love his cracks — the times when he’s not as “good” as he first appears.

I love that he’s so incredibly judgmental, and has such strong opinions even though he initially appears quite humble and mild. It’s such a cool character choice, and 100% makes sense.

He also genuinely has no idea what he’s doing so much of the time, and I think that’s very cool and relatable of him. 

I really respect how much Taliesin has developed him since his initial creation. Tal has talked a bunch about how much lore he’s made for Cad since that one weekend where he created him, and I think it really shows in the way he’s played him. Having caught up about 5 episodes after he was introduced, I feel like I’ve gotten the chance to watch him being fleshed out in real time. 

Caleb:

Liam has said this too, but I love how even though Caleb is a serious, tragic character in many ways, he can be as much the source of gags as anyone else. He’s hilarious, and you can see his sense of humour shining through even when Caleb is trying his best not to show it.

I like that his story is one of healing. Not necessarily clear, linear healing, but gradual, realistic progress. Even if he “breaks” again — and he might — there have been times when he’s laughed with friends, times where he’s gone a little easier on himself, and times when he’s let other people help. There’s no taking that away, no matter what happens later. 

Despite the last two bullet points, I’ll admit that part of the reason I started listening to CR was for the angst, and boy has he delivered. Sometimes you need sad characters, y’know?

But beyond angst, I’m so glad Liam is playing Caleb with a sensitivity to how trauma works and consideration of real-life mental illness. I don’t relate to Caleb’s story, but I see parts of my own mental illness experiences in him, portrayed in a genuinely thoughtful way. 

Fjord:

Ok so I relate a lot to Fjord and it’s very difficult for me to talk about him without talking about myself 

With that being said: I appreciate that as a character, a lot of his issues stem from him being bullied as a kid. I’ve said it before, but it really helps me when I feel ashamed of being so affected by childhood bullying

I love that he’s simultaneously charismatic/smooth and nervous/awkward, and somehow those two things are both believable and don’t negate each other at all. He can be a bit of a disaster of a person, and yet people will believe what he says. 

I fucking adore warlocks. The first character I ever played was a warlock and they’ll probably always be my #1 spellcasting class.

Jester:

I love how dedicated Laura is with her Jester pranks. Both how she roleplays them even when there might be serious consequences because that’s what Jester would do, but also how they can turn into really cool moments that drive Jester’s character arc forward — from her Bahamut prank to “get out of my temple!”

Every time she cries or is sad, I feel my soul trying to leave my body and enter Exandria through my screen so that I can give her a hug. Laura plays the chinks in Jester’s well-crafted happy armour so well.

Combat clerics are so, so much fun, and so is the entire concept of the Traveler, and Jester’s relationship to him. It’s really different than a lot of clerics I’ve seen. 

Out of all the characters, I am maybe most interested in finding out where Jester’s character development is going. I feel like there’s still a giant dam to break, and I don’t now how it will happen or what it will look like. I think she’s already changed so much in how she thinks about the world and relates to others, but it’s clear that she’s not yet at peace. 

Nott:

It took me a solid dozen episodes to warm up to her voice and now it’s one of my favourite parts of campaign 2. Particularly when she screams. 

Ditto what I said about Fjord and childhood bullying — her backstory is so important to me. Also ditto what I said about Caleb and mental illness: Sam has clearly given a lot of thought to how trauma has shaped Nott, and I’m so glad that her journey through mental illness isn’t straightforward. 

Like with Jester, I find her to be a very cool take on her class, as a rogue who’s terrified to take the lead and who, despite her sneakiness, is among the most willing to use her own body as a distraction to save her friends. I also love the trope-defying fact that she’s a mom. 

I love that she has all of 5 CHA and tells the worst lies, but pulled a lying long con for 49 episodes, both on the M9 and on viewers… but somehow, it still felt realistic that she’d be able to pull that off, because Nott’s deception wasn’t based so much in outright lies about her backstory (she definitely did lie, but many of the lies contradicted each other or fell apart on close examination), but on evasion, her speciality as a rogue. 

Yasha:

She’s soft! She’s so soft! She’s tender and quiet and loves the beautiful things in life, and for me it’s not just about the contrast between her toughness and her softness (although I do appreciate that, especially as someone who’s been told they’re intimidating, both online and irl), but also about how genuine it is: you can feel it in the way she talks and how Ashley moves when she plays her. 

She is awkward as hell, and it’s so good. Yasha’s dialogue, both with NPCs and with other PCs, is consistently some of the funniest stuff in the show. Ashley really lets that 7 CHA, 9 WIS shine through in all its glory. 

I think her backstory reveal was the first time I bawled while watching CR, but it was fun because of the rising anticipation as she revealed that she’s a wlw. 

Her rage is so interesting! Every barbarian so far in the show (Grog, Lionel, Yasha) has played rage slightly differently, and I appreciate them all — but I think there’s something special about how rage is so clearly emotionally fraught for Yasha. I hope and believe that they’ll explore this more after she’s saved from Obann. 

[haikyuuscreaming]

omg hi! you started off your blog greatly, im so proud of you! do you think you can write an angsty scenario for akaashi? where his crush likes this guy and wants help from him and he feels all sad :( but she ends up confessing to him! i love your writing so far, keep it up!

UMM so i accidentally got really invested in this so it’s WAYY longer than a drabble and i often write long stuff bc of ao3 so this might sound a little more like that kinda fanfic style instead of a tumblr scenario? mainly cos im really a sucker for this stuff hehehe love you anon

also ! the request made it sound sort of akaashi-centric so i hope you dont mind? there will still be a lot of reader-chan here though! please dont leave yet and i hope u enjoy

again ALSO i wrote this half on my laptop half on my phone so please dont mind if it seems a lil clunky in some areas 

3092 words jesus ok here you go

-

Crushes weren’t necessarily a new sensation for Akaashi. Just an uncommon one. In fact, the last time he remembers even being attracted to someone was in first grade when everyone had a crush on this popular girl. He’s not even sure if he really liked her, or just found the idea of it interesting.

Now, second year of high school, Akaashi finds himself in trouble. Because for once, he really, really, really likes this girl. You. 

He can’t even fake himself out of this, because every damn time he looks at you, he feels all warm and tingly and his stomach feels less calm and he can hear his heart bump against his ribcage and god, his face even flushes a little bit.

(A little bit inconvenient when he accidentally finds himself staring at you and daydreaming.)

Akaashi doesn’t like this feeling.

I mean, yeah, Akaashi has somewhat of a sense of confidence in his looks, manners, and ability to make friends. He’s not exactly the top in each subject he thinks, but it lets him pass through high school without too much of a depressingly lonely life. He could easily befriend you and steal your heart, his inner ego-brat says.

But.. but what if you reject him?

He should become closer to you.

(For the record, he doesn’t not like the feeling. He kind of likes the serotonin boost you give him. But he definitely, more than kind of likes you.

A lot more.)

And one day, in the spring, he finds himself paired up with a special biology partner. With familiar, sparkling eyes and the cutest, most gorgeous voice he’s ever heard that always makes his heart fucking backflip.

Akaashi doesn’t think he can survive this.

His teacher blares, “Start brainstorming ideas for your science fair project! It’s due in a month, you know!”, but Akaashi blocks out the noise because all he can focus on is you, goddamn it. He can only focus on the way you push your hair out of your face, the way your lips upturn into the most stunning smile he’s ever had the fate of encountering, and he really hopes he doesn’t get h-

“Akaashi-kun?”

(Fuck you and your completely gorgeous voice that drives him up the wall and makes him want to kiss you.)

“Oh– sorry, yeah?” He kind of hates himself for how his voice lilted a pitch higher.

You laugh, sounding like a goddess. He hopes that it means you don’t hate him. “Ahaha, I was just wondering if you have any ideas for the science fair? It’s a pretty big chunk of our grade, and I am… not the smartest when it comes to AP Bio..”

Akaashi thinks quite the opposite, but he isn’t currently in the position to contradict you.

“Um…” He pauses and thinks furiously. He comes up with some borderline generic idea that has enough room for a unique twist. And your eyes brighten.

“Waaaoo, Akaashi-kun’s a genius, hm?”

(God, he thinks he might have a little more than a crush on that teasing grin and glittering pair of eyes.)

He musters the courage to smile without looking stupid. “Of course.”

Two weeks later, he wants to sink into a hole.

Yes, it might have been his request that you two meet up to work on the project, but that was because he knew you were a procrastinator! You would start the project the night before if he’d let you!

But it was not his idea to do it at his house.

Now he has to live with the fact that you’re lying on HIS bed, spread-eagled in your sweater and shorts, complaining about how lazy you are.

(He wonders how you’re so comfortable about wearing shorts to a male classmate’s house. You two aren’t even that close, although you claim otherwise.)

“Come on, get up,” he rolls his eyes. “We have work to do.”

“But I’m so tiiiiiredddd… and lazyyyy…. wouldn’t it be such a gentlemanly act of Akaashi-kun to do the project for me?” You flash him a sweet smile while stretching out even more on the bed.

Snorting, he watches you sink into his mattress and roll around idly. “Hey, don’t you need the grade? You can’t pass if you make me do your work.”

Sighing, you hum in defeated content. “Well, it was worth a try.” You reach out your hand and tousle his wavy hair, and he almost flinches at the touch. He hates to say it but he loves it so much that you’re so affection with him, and Akaashi knows he would give anything to keep you teasing him with all this attention.

“Yeah.. yeah, it was,” he murmurs to himself before letting himself sit down next to you. He notices how you scrunch your body from a spread-eagle to a cute, curled up position to make room for him.

“Mm, so how are we gonna do this?” you ask, with a subtle mixture of bored and curious seeping into your tone. Then, he watches your features melt into a warm, mischievous smile as you hum, “Unless you just wanna nap and cuddle or something.”

(Holy fuck.)

Akaashi forces himself to scowl playfully and he shakes his head, sighing loudly in mock disappointment. “I don’t know what to do with you.” And equally as teasing, he adds, “I should just kick you out and not treat you to lunch if you’re going to be like this.”

“Noooooo!!!” you whine in this adorably frustrated and threatening voice. “Don’t you dare starve me or I’m feeding you to the rats.”

He chuckles. “See, that’s what I thought.”

But of course, your face wraps into a devilish grin as you say in a singsong voice and throw your arms around him (which makes him flush and makes his heart go WABAM), “It doesn’t matter though, ‘cause I got this whole-ass meal right here~”

“Shut up.”

(But you both know he never means it.)

Thanks to Akaashi (and your obliging albeit lazy participation), you two blow the science fair out of the way and get an A. He’s never seen you so delighted about a grade.

“I’m so happy~” you never shut up about how grateful you are for him, not that he’s complaining. “This is probably the highest mark I’ve ever gotten in this class.”

“Don’t over exaggerate. You’re not too bad at Bio,” Akaashi remarks. “You just need a tutor, probably, if you’re struggling.”

(By the way, he is ecstatic that you two are ACTUALLY FRIENDS!!! He’s even met your dog!!)

“Hmmmm…” You eye him warily before shrugging. “Whatever you say, Akaashi-kun.” Your eyes flit around before returning on him, and you start rambling about the newest anime you’ve gotten into and how it’s practically on-par with the manga, and how hot one of their characters are-

(For some reason Akaashi really zeroes in on that part.)

He really feels like he has to contribute something to the conversation, so he puts in, “Wow, [Name]-san, you’re such a fangirl.”

You snort loudly and put two peace-signs to your face like some kawaii anime girl, doing this mock-sweet smile. “Waaaooo, you’re rightttt. I’m Akaashi-kun’s number one fan!! He’s so cute when he’s yelling at me to do my work and super hot when he helps me with homew-”

He swears to god his face is radiating an inhuman amount of heat and he rolls his eyes before shaking his head and jabbing your side lightly. “Didn’t I tell you not to say that?”

“Ummm, maybe.” Your ‘innocent’ grin tells him otherwise. “But you know, you’re right, Akaashi-kun,” you cross your arms and give your cute little smirk again. “I am a genius, and I’m suuuper good at Bio. I just need someone to channel it.” And you lean forward until both your noses are touching, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode. “So maybe you could help me out?”

The subtle pleading undercurrent in your voice compels Akaashi to straighten up a little bit without flushing even redder. Keep cool, keep cool.

(He prays that his skill of keeping a poker face will hide the blood rushing around in his dick.)

“Well, what time?”

This time around, he finds himself at your house instead. You both are sitting at your desk, ‘working’ on your math and Bio homework. In other words, just talking.

He’s confident now in that the two of you are close friends. He’s learned that from afar, you were a sweet and confident yet perfectly kind girl. That was the girl he based his feelings off of. During your Bio project, he found the cheeky, sly and vibrant yet chill girl who always teased him but was still nonetheless sweet.

And now, under that facade, you were an anxious mess with a shit-ton of insecurities.

(He thinks it’s funny how you boast that you’re just like Shrek. You have layers.)

Akaashi glances at you, groaning with your head down onto the table. “I hate math..” he hears you grumble.

“Hey, you’re not too bad. You just have to be careful when plugging in your equations,” he counters.

“But what if I can’t remember my equations??”

“We both know you’re fine at remembering them.”

“I’m gonna fail.”

“Have faith in yourself, because I do.” And Akaashi is being completely honest. His confidence in you being just fine and being able to pass all your classes is strong because he’s seen you work (after procrastinating). “You just have to work on not putting things off until the last minute.”

You make a frustrated noise before resting your chin on your propped hand. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just.. destined to be set back, y’know? Like, everything I do is gonna somehow backfire on me.”

He knows the feeling, especially late at night in bed, stressing over what tomorrow might bring him.

“And like… I have this whole thing set up for me. When people know me as a classmate, I’m an average student, right? Then when we’re like… ‘friends’, I’m all weird and tease-y.” You let out a loud sigh. “And to the unlucky people who get to this stage, I’m a mess.”

“Stop.” Akaashi’s surprised at how firm he is. “I’m grateful to have met you and to have become your friend, [Name]. You’re going to be fine, you need to trust yourself more. Because I trust you more than anything.”

(Yes, he is on first-name basis with you!! Yes, he trusts you even more than he might even trust Bokuto!!)

Your lips twitch into a small smile, one that he’s grown to love and adore. He’s confident that he’s so fucking deep in love and he doesn’t know how to move on. “You really think so?”

“Of course I do.” He flicks some crumpled-up post-it at you. “Since we’re not doing any homework anytime soon, what else do you want to talk about?”

Your gaze becomes a little more shy and nervous. “Umm… Weeell, I need help.”

“I mean, why else would I be here?”

“No, seriously, Keiji-kun. Seriously!!” You throw mock-fit, despite obviously looking anxious.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening. Sorry.”

“Uh. Um, so…” You blink and pretend to look focused on doodling on the corner of your math paper. “There’s this dude I like. Like, I reaaally like him, which is surprising even for me.” You laugh a little bit, and as Akaashi feels his heart start to tear in half, he forces out a chuckle to match. “He’s suuuper pretty– I think that’s the word for it? Pretty. And he’s kinda funny in his own way, and he’s really sweet and listens to me all the time even when I don’t deserve his time. And I dunno, I think he might like me back? Also, I really really really like him. But I don’t really know how to confess…

“Because you know, I’m kinda wack like that, haha. I’ll probably screw up the confession and make things worse, and, well, I need help.” You finish your ramble with a loud breath and you collapse your head onto the table, groaning.

“Uh–” Fuck, oh fuck him, fuck his life. “I mean… I think just a heartfelt confession would do? Something simple and sweet that says you really like him, in case somehow your words don’t work.” Akaashi feels like he’s sweating, a lot, and he feels even more frustrated than ever. His heart is crashing against his ribcage, and his mind is a fucking mess.

You frown a little bit, and suddenly a gush of words fly out of your mouth like a stream bursting from a dam. “Oh my god, what if I’m reading the signs all wrong and he doesn’t at all like me back? I mean, I wouldn’t blame him because I’m kinda ugly and have this weird personality thing going on and I’m shit at math and Bio-”

“Stop.” Akaashi forces himself to intervene, mainly because 1) you’re literally the light of his life and 2) he feels like he has to leave really soon after dealing with the news. “Shut up, [Name]. You aren’t ugly at all, and I, for one, enjoy your weird personality. And I already told you, you’re fine with academics.” He makes himself make eye contact with you, peering up from your arm covering your face, and says, “If he rejects you, he isn’t worth your time at all and you should move on.”

(Preferably with me.)

He watches you exhale, like he just unwound a tight spring from inside of you, and your shoulders relax and you melt from your anxious state, just a little bit. “You’re right. If.. if he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll just forget about him.”

“Because you’re a genius.” Akaashi tries to hype you up, but he still feels like crumbling. Falsely checking his phone, he stretches and stands up. “I have to go now, sorry. My mom asked me to pick up my little sister from tutoring.”

“Huh, already?” Confusion flits across your face, and it hurts him even more to just leave you after you confided in him, but he knows he has to leave before he says something he might regret. “Oh, okaayy.. see you tomorrow then. Thanks for helping me out.” You yawn before standing up to hug him goodbye.

“No problem.” He says it casually, but Akaashi feels his mood drop faster and lower than ever. He hugs you back, but he breaks away fast.

After leaving your house and collapsing onto his bed in his locked bedroom (with his 11-year-old sister knocking on the door and curiously asking what’s wrong), he can’t help but feel hurt that you couldn’t even tell him who your mystery crush’s name was.

A week passes by, and neither of you mention the conversation at your house. It doesn’t matter either way, since you two are still so casually best friends. At the same time, he desperately wants to push the matter just to find out who it is.

Otherwise, Akaashi has noticeably been more quiet and moody to the point that he doesn’t know how to control it. Sure, he keeps up the same as he would before your conversation, but he can’t help but feel his heart sink everytime he sees you. His mind is ecstatic every time he talks to you, while simultaneously wanting to tear itself apart.

He’s tried getting rid of feelings for you, in literally every way possible. From avoiding thinking about you (which backfired horribly because he ended up thinking more about you) to focusing on other girls (ew, none of them were even capable of creating the same effect on him as you do), he’s tried it all and it’s all failed.

Akaashi realizes his silent slump has gotten so bad to the point that Bokuto made him sit out a few practice matches in the gym just because Akaashi was nowhere near the spot that any of the team expected him to be at.

After school, he meets with you near the vending machine as always. You buy two cans of coffee, one for you and one for him.

As soon as he takes the can gratefully, you clear your throat.

“Yeah, [Name]?”

Glancing around before staring him in the eye, you start, “Keiji-kun, before you run away, I just…. I just wanted to let you know I really really really like you. Like, a lot.” You start speaking kind of fast, so Akaashi can’t process what you’re saying.

“And I mean it. Ever since the Bio project, you’ve been so nice to me and you’ve been such a great friend even though I made it hard sometimes, and along the way I just caught feelings. You honestly mean everything to me, and I appreciate you so much for everything we’ve been through. I- I think, I love you, Keiji. And I hope you accept my feelings.” You smile, almost nervously but nonetheless sincere, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode.

“I- I,” Fuck, oh my fucking god, he thinks to himself. He’s shaking a little bit– that’s how happy he is. “[Name], I..” God fucking damn it, he can’t even express how happy he is. He feels his cheeks blossom and he feels his lips quirk into this goofy smile.

But then he watches you shy away a little bit as you hurriedly say, “I- I mean, sorry. It’s okay if you just wanna be friends-”

“No.” Finally, Akaashi can use his mouth and then he gently takes your cheeks in his hands and closes the gap between you two, lips connecting in a display of pining and affection.

He practically melts into the kiss, he’s never been so happy. He thinks he’s actually about to implode; he’s been dreaming about kissing you like this, against your soft, plush lips. And finally he’s able to call you his, to call you the one. When the two of you finally break away for air, he’s breathing hard and his mind is a mess, which is rare considering his usual stoic state.

Akaashi has also never seen you so flustered and blushy. He murmurs into your ear as he takes your hand, “Feelings are 100% reciprocated.”

“I can tell,” you laugh breathily, and he’s so happy to hear that some of your anxiety has dissolved in that sweet kiss. He’s absolutely infatuated with you in every aspect. He leans in for a soft, quicker kiss on the lips and savors the feeling of warmth he gets. “Dork.”, he whispers.

“Only for you.”

[skamamoroma]

REWATCH: Skam Italia s4 - Episode 5

Ah the inevitable Episode 5...! Shit always goes south. It’s Skam! The fact that Sana can’t concentrate just after she has said to Malik that prayer, for her, provides focus. He is affecting that for her. It’s not his fault but to hear her dad so dismissive of Malik just adds to the pressure. It’s from every angle now and that text off Malik just confirms to her that she can’t. I like that she messaged him first and asked for him to respect her choices... but my heart breaks for her. That denial of her true feelings.

I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed Ele until she appeared on screen. FEMININE ALPHA. Edo, I miss him too! I love that Sana and Ele still have their chats and I think her lack of presence was felt because she is always slightly more on Sana’s wavelength, a little more mature than the others and I loved that she could give some advice from a distance. Sana immediately opened with “I’m bummed out” and opened up.

I LOVE that Sana got accepted after her exam. She’s so dedicated! 🔥🔥🔥

Her talk with Rami is just so precious. They care. The way Rami looks out for her and yeah he might be a bit of a douche sometimes with his jokes but he wants the best for her. The way he teases her but then tells her he wants to see her respected. He’s such a BROTHER and I don’t even have siblings but I know a good brother when I see one!

THE EIGHTIES STYLE DRESSING UP MONTAGE. How bloody cute! Sana is so adorable dancing in front of her mirror in her sparkly dress. She looks all lit up inside and has this new found positivity that maybe she can decide for herself and forge her own path. A little bit of hope after weeks of feeling down trodden... seeing her swirling so happily made my heart soar

And then the party happened 😂 genuinely don’t remember feeling THIS devestated in the original. The end of this episode made me cry.

I love that we get to see little moments this season of random dynamics like Gio, Sylvia, Elia and Sana having a chat about their band...! The fact Sana is so preoccupied with Rami, Elia is looking at her all weird because he likes her and all the while Luchi is going insane on a sofa 😂 this is why I love this show and Ludo’s influence. He keeps them all perfectly in character even in the background.

Can we take a moment and recognise Fede for how BEAUTIFUL she looked! Her space buns and sparkly jacket. Total babe! I love that they had their little chat and we got to see Sana wondering why Fede ever spoke to her. So interesting that we find out so much more later on.

I love that Ludo made all of these moments make much more sense than they ever did in the original. Malik thought that Sana was interested in Elia and after blocking him... no wonder he put two and two together! He looked like such a kicked puppy though 🥺

Whoever decided to have a SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW remix playing is my new hero. Cheesy and genius.

The biggest elephant in the room is Marti and Nico and the total meltdown. I’ve already made posts on this but Marti is a complex soul. He isn’t all sweetness and light but he’s also a LOT of that too. The end of s2 framed Nico as Marti’s family; that’s how he considers Nico. He walked away from his father’s home and chose his mamma, his friends and Nico as the family he wants and feels a part of. Being left behind is a major issue for him. We know how he feels about Nico and how much he loves him, how happy they are with each other but, above all, how comfortable. They always have been settled and just always sharing this connection that was there from the start. They were so open with each other at the end of s2 with so much and they created this real intention to be open and to take each day as it comes. But life doesn’t always work that way. Nico is someone who loves with his whole heart. He’s exceptionally sweet and adoring. He sees Marti with eyes so full of love for who Marti is and nothing else. He feels listened to, cared for and told Marti he fell in love and has never felt that way before. He’s also vulnerable and has been mistreated in the past by those professing to love him. He has been spoken for, dismissed and has felt trapped. The whole Last Man metaphor was even an escape for him and he took Marti with him. Now? He has a secret he doesn’t want Marti to know about because he didn’t want anything bad to come of it and worried it would cause issues. I think Nico worries about losing Marti quite a bit. The presence of Luai is a reminder of his past that wasn’t too positive, a reminder of who he used to be but ALSO of what he has. He has Marti but all of the things that came with meeting Marti like the boys, the whole group of friends who love him too. He risks losing it all because he lied. I understand him. It’s up to Nico to decide when to share his past. It doesn’t mean he can switch off the way he cares for people though and when Luai saw him, that could never be mistaken. Nico clearly hasn’t seen him since and I don’t think anyone could blame Nico for being stunned.

But Marti doesn’t know a thing. He knows Nico is keeping something from him and he sees Nico staring at another guy who is handsome... and then he walks away from Marti. Now, Marti is not a rational soul at times. I wouldn’t have presumed he’d react so quickly but I think it’s much more telling the way it evolves here that there’s something much more focused on Nico and Luai than there was with Even and Mikael. In the og it was more about Even’s attempt at his life. Here, it’s more about a previous relationship and it’s framed that way so Marti feels threatened. It kills me because just mere seconds before they’re dancing and smiling and Marti even agrees to stay on a dance floor for Nico. They kiss so close and cuddly and Nico looks so so happy, grinning like a fool at Marti’s smiles and his dorky dancing.

I just think it triggered this fight or flight response in Marti. To consider even for a second losing Nico is just something fundamentally not ok for him. Marti is also someone who acts before he thinks - we’ve seen this before multiple times. He also has a temper and when he feels cornered, he lashes out. Marti is obviously an idiot here. His actions can never be excused because he doesn’t ask, he acts and every moment of it is out of fear of loss it seems. That intense worry that Nico is becoming distant, is lying to him and could have something with someone else... Nico’s actions in the past are always going to have to come to light and the fact that Marti clearly has that one worry left just kills me. They’re so great for each other but they’re also both so complex and difficult and also both full of contradictions and struggles. Neither of them are perfect but when they’re together things are just so settled and calm...

Watching Sana run to them and seeing the two parts of her life colliding like that is painful. She loves both. So much. The way she touches Marti’s face 😭. All around Marti, as expected, are his boys and CHRIST Elia is scary when he wants to be! Gio being there OBVIOUSLY right beside Marti. Nico trying to stop it all and still focusing on Marti even though he was a total IDIOT. For Nico, that all must have been so painful. But he’s still there checking Marti is ok. MARTINO RAMETTA. I just wanted to shake him. I love him so so much but in that moment, even Gio’s words were filled with “come on, you idiot, what the fuck are you doing, I don’t understand you”. I also love that La Rosa squad were so protective of their Luai. They are good boys.

For me, I cried for Sana. The way she burrowed her way into the middle of that scary fight when she’s pretty tiny in height and screamed for them to stop. She sounded strangled and afraid and then when she was left alone with blood on her hands and she couldn’t breathe for crying... it hurt. It’s the fact that she was left alone. Then to go back inside to be trapped in a toilet with sounds of betrayal coming through the walls and to see the boy that makes her smile kissing someone else... the pretty Italian NON MUSLIM girl just like her worries. My heart broke for her and I just felt desperately sad. Ludo managed to make me feel so connected with her and here I was a little unsure if I would have that because I didn’t connect to Sana as much early on. Now? I hold her so dear. I was even ok with seeing Marti and Nico and Gio and everyone walk away because I was focused on her being ok!

I love that from this point, things change quite massively from the original! Up to episode 5 things were kind of mapping the og but Epiaode 5 was a total game changer.