#songs that make me go crazy - birdy

[tigerrampage]

THE GENESIS - Eden l Ensemble Stars!! Music

[sincerlycas]

What you heard.

inspired a bit by the song “what you heard” by sonder/brent faiyaz.

warning: spanking, rough sex, degrading, fluff, a bit toxic, eren yeager (yes this man is a warning), etc.

wrd count: 2k./ don’t forget to dm me for commissions <3

part 2.

“y/n baby what is your issue?” eren currently had your arm in his clutch stopping you from walking away from him any further. the lines on his forehead, and frown on his face showed he was really not trying to deal with this at the moment. “what’s my issue? really? so you’re going to tell me you walk around them campus halls not knowing what people say about you- about me- actually about you and other people ?” the reason you were mad was due to the fact a little birdie came up to you saying a girl named historia was going around saying eren gave her some, and knowing eren’s past with her, of course you had your doubts but still had a sense of worry.

you being the classy (aka petty) girlfriend you were, went to look for this historia girl for answers to which she gave you a high pitched laugh voicing “oh! I forgot he was dating.. you, it sure didn’t seem like it the way he was fucking me last Saturday .” off the rip you wanted to slap that bitch, but you knew better to make a scene for something that quite possibly might be a lie. “you know historia it’s quite ironic you said that because if I remember clearly eren said and I quote ‘I would never go back to that roast beef pussy looking hoe’ but maybe I didn’t hear right”

you mimicked the high pitched laugh she did earlier right after saying that walking past her with a bumb to the shoulder and a mumble near her ear saying “sour pussy ass hoe”.

but if you already handle the issue why are you still mad? It’s because even though you didn’t want to believe her, the timing made sense. see, last Saturday you weren’t with eren. he said he had to run a errand for the whole day so you were just hanging with your besties. that would be enough time for eren to be with her. still you didn’t want to believe it. so the day after the confrontation you went to campus looking fine as usual with your grey shorts body suits with a boob cut and some cool grey and thick glasses.

till you were stopped multiple times that day from people asking ‘are you okay’ ‘did historia really fuck eren’ ‘you should holla at me since old boy ain’t doing his job’. this what caused your mood to be sour the whole day.

finishing all your classes getting ready to head home you’re met with a smiling, handsome, fine like wine ass man in your face. that man being your boyfriend eren, he has finally showed his face on earth after all these rumors. “hey sweet mama, I was wondering if you could come by my hou-“ cutting him off by walking straight pass him, Ignoring him as if he was a rando. “baby! where you goin’” he jogged up next to you grabbing your arm stopping you near a secluded area. “y/n baby what is your issue?” leading up to the current moment so forth.

“what are you talking about? y/n you’re really going to stress me the fuck out.” he said while letting out a sigh and rolling his eyes. pushing him on his chest making him let go of your arm and pushing you jet black lace off your shoulder. pointing your long acrylic nail at his face you said “bitch don’t play dumb, there’s no way in hell the whole campus knows but you don’t when you’re literally the main topic” your crossed your arms staring at him as if was delusional. “y/n l/n when I say I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about, I mean that now stop fucking around and tell me what you heard.”

rolling your eyes you finally answered what he has been desperately waiting to know “why tf people especially historia, are coming up to me saying you fucked her.” and to that he laughed, he laughed in your face! “you really believe that shit, baby you know good and that girl is crazy.” shaking your head and staring up at him you asked “then where were you on Saturday” “I told you, I went to run errands.” “what kind?” he stared at you as if he was thinking of an excuse.

“you know what, save it tell me when you done with all this bullshit and call me till then dont call my mf phone.” leaving at that and hopping into your Mercedes and reaching your apartment.

laying down on your bed in your baby pink shorts and white cropped tank top you decided you would find answers yourself. you scrolled through your contacts and called connie a mutual friend of yours and erens. “yooooooo” automatically answering the phone with his forehead all up on the screen. “boy backup I got a question.” “what do you neeedddd” dragging his words annoyingly and setting his phone up. “eren said he was with you on Saturday what did y’all do?” lying through your teeth just see if it’ll work. “Oh- uh yeah we were on the game all day.” he nervously smiled and rubbed his neck. staring at him with a mean mug.

“yeah you a damn lie I can fucking tell cuz your nose is red bitch learn how to stop that.” hanging up on him you decided to try again and called jean. “hey y/n what you need” answering after a while and nicely. “I was wondering what you and eren were doing on Saturday he said he was with you.” “ohhh yeah me and him were at the park all day placing basketball.” hanging up on him right after that and sitting up crossing your arms.

automatically you thought he probably did fuck her if not why would they both lie? your train of thought was interrupted with a knock to your door. getting up to go get it you’re brought with presence of eren letting himself into your apartment. “bro ion got time for you right now get out.” automatically dismissing him staying by the door.

“baby just listen, you gotta believe me when I say I didn’t fuck her she’s just lying.” of course you wanted to believe him, but at the same time why should you if he won’t tell you where he was that day. “then where were you on Saturday?” and yet again you are met with hesitation. “see what we’re not finna do is keeping back in forth with this shit, if you cheated just say that you bottom feeding ass nigga instead of making me look stupid in front of everyone”

slapping both your hands on his chest and pushing him away, to which he grabbed you with not much strength needed, and pinned you against the door instead. “y/n don’t fucking play with me, cuz now you got me pissed off. since really wanna know, on Saturday I was being the best boyfriend I am and was getting reservations and decorations and all shits like that ready for your birthday this week which was supposed to be a surprise.”

holding both your arms in his hands and keeping you from moving. and to prove his point even more he pulled out his phone showing him in a grocery store buying birthday decorations saying “my baby birthday in a couple days and you knowwww I have to treat her right and give her everything she deserves all that luxuries and shit, baby if you see this, happy early birthday and I love youu give daddy a kiss when you see this.” ending the video with a wink and putting his phone down.

“yeah you look stupid don’t you, not believing in your man but believing some dumb hoe I told you countless times about.” looking at anything but him trying not to tear up from the embarrassment you felt right now for being angry and lashing at him for no reason when you should have just trusted him.

“o-okay eren I get it I’m sorry, I should have trusted you” looking up at him teary eyed while biting your lip. letting go of your arms and rubbing away the fallen tears from under your eyes and kissing your nose. “it’s okay baby, but you know I’m not gone accept that sorry ass apology so go lay that ass on that bed for me” he stated and simply tapping your ass and looking down at you. shocked by what he said and looking up at him pleadingly to have mercy on you. “eren I said I was sorry just let it go this once.” you knew you were about to get punished the most pleasurable way possible but you were still sore from last time and fat ma needed a break! “y/n don’t make me say it twice.”

“OH.MY.G-G-GODDDD!!” screaming on top of your lungs with every word being punctuated by the harsh backshots eren was giving you. clawing at your sheets using it as a way to get away from those relentless thrusts. “nahhhh bring that pussy rightt back!” eren used his free hand to ball up your tank top in his hand pulling on it towards him to bring you right back onto that dick. “don’t run from it mama, what did you say I was? a bottom feeder?” right after asking that question a harsh slap came down to your ask making you let out another scream.

bringing your right hand behind you to claw and push at his abs. “d-daddy I’m sorryyy~ i promise I’ll never question you again- AH FUCKKK~!! baby pleaseee” begging him to give you a break and making promises he knew you wouldn’t keep, that was just how you were, a back talking ass woman who stood her ground but it always ended up with you here. bringing his hand down between your legs to furiously rub at you clit causing your legs to spasm and your hand to grip his wrist. “youre sorry? you really believed her- you better arch that shit right back up- you believed that bitch and doubted me?

crying hysterically and cumming for the third time, babbling ‘sorries’ and ‘daddy please’s’ to which he ignored. instead he lifted one leg on the bed slamming balls deep into you causing you to let out a silent scream and violently shaking your legs. “now tell me who this dick belong to mama.” flipping you onto your back to see your face while staying inside and keeping his leg up. “I-I-I-it’s m-mineee~” you shakingly breathing heavily trying to stop your cries. “then start fucking act like it’s yours and yours only.” slapping your clit repeatedly then raising his hand to leave another slap but is stopped by your hands covering it and shaking your head repeatedly no crying even louder. eren being the tease that he is starts shaking his head yes at you and forcefully moves your hand away. “don’t try cover and take away while I rightfully own.” “you see this pussy, that clit, this ass, everything on you is mine just as much as mine is yours, so next time you try that shit again you’re gonna get something coming for you.”

rubbing your clit as quick as he can and hitting your g-spot repeatedly you grabbed onto his back leaving down scratch marks every time he hit those bundle of nerves. not a moment later you felt like you needed to pee. “d-daddy stop- I’m gonna make messss~” and already understanding what you meant he started jackhammering into your cunt till he felt you spraying up on his abs, your stomach and legs, and some even reaching his lips to which he greedily licked away. slowing his thrusts down after cumming inside you soon after you and holding you tightly rubbing your legs to soothe you. “you okay mama? I’m sorry I did so much but I had to teach you a lesson” kissing your cheek lovingly and accidentally brushing past your clit with his pelvis causing to squirt yet again! “o-o-o-oh f-f-fuck dadddy it’s hurtssss, it won’t stoppp~” automatically going down eren went to lick up at your pussy catching every bit of your juice he can to relieve your pleasurable pain.

finishing up and running a bath and taking care of you, slipping on a oversized t-shirt on you (his shirt you stole) and a pink thong, slipping your thick black glasses back onto your eyes and laying you next to him kissing on your shoulders. “you feel better baby?” he asked while rubbing your thighs to which you nodded your headed and slept soundly.

eren took that time to grab his phone and post a video of you in your current attire with you legs still slightly shaking and a hand print on your ass captioning “fuck all them rumors I’m reserved for one person and one person only, she know that too.” along side the the song “what you heard- Sonder/Brent faiyaz”

[physalian]

List of “I need to calm the fuck down” music

(please reblog your own)

Most Trance Music if this list is intimidating- Usually not something you dance to, doesn’t have a lot of percussion and erratic noise. It’s supposed to entrance you.

This list spans the following genres: Pop, folk, grunge, cinematic, and rock.

Maybe I’ll make a Spotify playlist or something with all of them, idk. These are not in alphabetical order but I tried to keep multiple artist entries grouped.

I had the whole thing color-coded but Tumblr didn't like that so here's it in boring text (I still have the colored one if anyone wants it)

WITH LYRICS

Good for Me - Above & Beyond

On a Good Day - Above & Beyond

Blue Sky Action - Above & Beyond

The Hollywood Bowl Show - Above & Beyond

I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Through the Eyes of a Child - AURORA

Retrograde - Pearl Jam

Run Boy Run - Woodkid

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Would That I - Hozier

After All These Years- Journey

Let it All Go - Birdy

Holocene - Bon Iver

Home I/II - Dotan

Outro - M83

Flares - The Script

O - Coldplay

Fly On - Coldplay

Strawberry Swing - Coldplay

Midnight - Coldplay

Lovers in Japan (Acoustic) - Coldplay

Clocks - Coldplay

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall - Coldplay

Up & Up - Coldplay

Fix You - Coldplay

Oceans - Seafret

Dice - Finley Quaye

Medicine - Daughter

Wash Away - Joe Purdy

Upside Down - Jack Johnson

Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales

Teardrop - Massive Attack

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For - U2

Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darin

Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts

Something I Need - OneRepublic

Dead in the Water - Ellie Goulding

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Morning Elvis - Florence + The Machine

End of Love - Florence + The Machine

What the Water Gave Me - Florence + The Machine

Sky Full of Song - Florence + The Machine

Free - Florence + The Machine

Choreomania - Florence + The Machine

Walls - Kings of Leon

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Tom Petty/Prince

Silver Spring - Fleetwood Mac

Big Love - Fleetwood Mac

Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac

Don’t Look Back in Anger - Oasis

The Albatross - Taylor Swift

The Archer - Taylor Swift

You’re On Your Own Kid - Taylor Swift

Clean - Taylor Swift

On My Way - Phil Collins

Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros

I Shall Not Walk Alone - The Blind Boys of Alabama

Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root

Manic - Cloves

Dorian - Agnes Obel

Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel

Shine On You Crazy Diamond I-IV - Pink Floyd

On the Turning Away - Pink Floyd

High Hopes - Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Take it Back - Pink Floyd

November Rain - Guns n’ Roses

Breathe Me - Sia

They’ll Soon Discover - The Shins

Just a Kid - Wilco

Evenstar - Howard Shore

Just Like Heaven - The Cure

Angela - The Lumineers

Scotland - The Lumineers

Nobody Knows - The Lumineers

Sleep on the Floor - The Lumineers

The Ink from Books - Sleeping at Last

Lightning Crashes - Live

Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins

Glitter in the Air - P!nk

Silhouette - Aquilo

Water Under the Bridge - Adele

Golden Hour Album - Kygo

Stole the Show - Kygo

Wake Me Up - Avicii

Heaven - Avicii

Hope There’s Someone - Avicii

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

WITHOUT LYRICS

Flow State (Continuous Mix) - Above & Beyond

Memory Gospel - Moby

Immanuel - Tony Anderson

Define Dancing - Thomas Newman

Haiku/Nemo Egg - Thomas Newman

American Beauty - Thomas Newman

Chasing Ice - J. Ralph

One Day - Hans Zimmer

Thunderbird/The Decision - Hans Zimmer

1917 - Thomas Newman

The Mighty Rio Grande - This Will Destroy You

The Minecraft OST - C418

The World of Goo OST - Kyle Gabler

Tessa - Imagine Dragons

Forbidden Friendship - John Powell

Experience - Ludovico Einaudi

The Aviators - Helen Jane Long

Once There Was A Hush Puppy - Benh Zeitlin

On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter

The Beginning - Factor 8

End of An Era - Zach Hemsey

I Walk With Ghosts - Scott Buckley

The Chasing Coral OST - Dan Romer

The Luca OST - Dan Romer

Arrival to Earth - Steve Jablonsky

Tower of Joy - Ramin Djawadi

Light of the Seven - Ramin Djawadi

Into a Nighttime Sky - Jeremy Zuckerman

Greatest Change - Jeremy Zuckerman

Your Hand in Mine/Home - Explosions in the Sky

Ori, Lost in the Storm - Gareth Coker

Arrival of the Birds - Cinematic Orchestra

Fireflies - Mychael & Jeff Danna

Across the Stars - John Williams

The Soul OST - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

The Queen’s Gambit OST - Carlos Rafael Rivera

[wordsafterhours]

Songs About You - Chapter 15

Author's Note: Buckle up and enjoy this fluff fest. I worked so long on getting this chapter right and I think it still fell short. But I just love this time of year. Fall and Winter are my bread and butter, especially Christmas. I'd like to live in a Hallmark movie and make zero apologies for it. In the next few updates, we will be seeing more explanation onto what happen to her parents, more details on Arobynn's betrayal, and Gavriel and Aedion's exile from Aelin's life.

*Unedited update. I couldn't wait.

Triggers: I can't think of anything crazy that would need to be listed

Word Count: 9.8k (I haven't written college papers this long)

Masterlist

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Still quite bemused with herself, Aelin dawdled through getting dressed and making her way down the stairs. Several familiar voices deep in conversation reached her ears long before she found them in the foyer, digging through dusty boxes. 

“Does she have decorations for every occasion? I’m pretty sure I’ve looked through thirty boxes and only found one with Yulemas stuff,” complained Dorian. 

“Her family was big on celebrating any and everything. It was magical coming here as a kid. Trust me, the Yulemas decorations far outnumber anything here three to one,” Elide stated matter-of-factly.

The dark-haired male dramatically whined and started opening another box. Aelin decided to take pity on him, “The items in question are in the basement and carriage house.”

“Oh, hey there. I didn’t realize you’d come down.” Elide’s cheeks tinged pink with her admission, clearly flustered at having been caught unaware. 

The blonde said nothing, leaning casually against the wooden banister to her left, patiently waiting for anyone to divulge an explanation for the scene at hand. Elide dusted off her hands against her jeans and smiled tensely. “I’m sorry about last night. You were right to be upset and after you left, I was such a mess trying to figure out how I was going to apologize. A little birdy told me the house wasn’t decorated and I decided that it would be the best apology I could muster.” 

Her friend bounced anxiously up and down while she talked, a telltale sign of how unsure she was of herself right now. Aelin knew it had taken a lot for Elide to show up uninvited, especially given how last night had gone, and in taking such a bold move to decorate the house. Yulemas wasn’t the same since her parents passing and even less so after exiling the only family she had left. Each year, as December fell, she longed to pull out the boxes, to put up trees and wrap garlands around the columns, yet it never came to fruition.

Chaol had tried it to snap her out of it, but after one too many meltdowns, he’d just stopped. He’d always get her a gift and then head south to Adarlan, to spend it with his father, Dorian, and Dorian’s family. It was easier that way. No fake smiles, pretend happiness, or unwanted melancholy chasing away the holiday joy. 

If the very idea of this holiday hadn’t been artfully avoided, the decorations’ locations would be a forgotten memory, beyond her grasp. But her mind cruelly remembered what each and every box had, where it lived, and whose job it had been to put it up. Yulemas used to be the one thing worth waiting for as a kid. Not her birthday, summer, visits from Aedion, or traveling the continents—it was and had only ever been Yulemas. 

As the air cooled and the calendar marked December 1st, her mother was hiring local city folk and paying bonuses to landscapers to help put up all the decorations. It was a grand affair and the week before Yulemas, her parents would open their finished home for tours. Hot cocoa, cider, and sweet treats were offered. Carols would be sung, and she would play piano for their guests. Aelin lived for it. What she wouldn’t give for five minutes in one of those memories. 

A very sharp delivery of her name brought her out the reminiscent reverie. She took a startled step backward in attempt to gather her bearings. Elide was in arms distance now, looking concerned more than anything. “Are you okay?”

Was she? Simple answer: no. Would that be shared? Also, no. 

“Only trying to process all of you here, digging through my house.” She internally winced at the tone, knowing its harshness wasn’t deserved, but too aggrieved to cop to it. 

“I wish all my friends groveled like these two,” Fen casually declared between bites of toast. 

“Sharing my bed wasn’t enough, you’re eating my food, too?”

“I worked up an appetite,” he whined, dark eyes giving her a pleading look that would rival Fleetfoot’s. 

Graciously, no one chose to run with the blond’s comment, sparing her from further humiliation and or drawn-out explanation. At least the day was giving something back to her, small as it was. 

“Who else is here?” 

“We all are, well minus Lorcan. He’s being a pain in my ass, and we can leave it at that.” 

She gave a non-committal acknowledgement, staring too hard at one of the boxes Dorian had previously been looking through. If she granted them the okay to pull out the Yulemas decorations, could she bear it? Would the joy of it overshadow the grief that was picking her a part, one stitch popping at a time, threatening the remaining seams that were left. 

A presence came to rest behind her and she unconsciously gravitated back. His warmth radiated across her, momentarily chasing away the chill that had settled. Even as upset as she was with him, as betrayed as she felt—Rowan had become a much-needed life raft. 

He shouldn’t be. 

Couldn’t be.

But yet, he was. There were somethings this world knew that she didn’t, but what she did know, undoubtedly, down to her very marrow, was that Rowan Whitethorn had been the very thing missing from hers. “It’s okay to be scared and sad, Ace, but you have to stop limiting your happiness. Take it back. You deserve joy. Elide told me how much the season means to you and it’s almost over, but it doesn’t mean you can’t partake in it. We’re all here for you. Just say yes.” 

His appeal was low, warmed breath washing over the exposed column of her neck, words meant to only be heard by her. Resigned, her shoulders sagged as she nodded in wordless acquiescence. 

“This is going to be so exciting!” cheered Elide, clapping her hands together in paramount enthusiasm.

At least someone was thrilled. All Aelin could feel was a ten-pound leaded weight sitting in the pit of her stomach. It was cruel how emotions could rule, define, own. She’d do anything to turn it all off; to be cold and unfeeling, if only to get through this day. 

Her blue eyes stared intently, roving over every oak plank not covered by the foyer rug. One, two, three… one-hundred and fifty-one. All visible ones accounted for and the heaviness humanely lessened. She was alone, the sounds of her friends muffled, but it was clear they had wasted no time tackling the decorations. 

“Better?”

Her breath caught in surprise. Why Aelin had assumed she was truly alone was beyond her. If her thoughts hadn’t consumed her so, his presence would have been felt. A lie was forming on her tongue, but it tasted bitter, too bitter to bring to life. “Not really, but I think you already knew that.”

“Perhaps. Not that you give me benefit of the doubt often, but I don’t know everything.”

An unladylike snort sounded between them. Her eyes widened in embarrassment, and she hid her face. Rowan laughed loudly, chasing away her self-consciousness, and warming her to the core. It was such a beautiful sound, carefree and unbound. 

“I heard they found the sitting room decorations and some aged sheet music. Dorian said you play. Can you show me?”

“Gods what a gossip queen,” she muttered with rolled eyes. 

“I know I don’t know him well, but he doesn’t seem like a vault by any means.” 

“He would spill everyones’ secrets for a good romp in the sheets.” 

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Rowan acknowledged dryly. 

Expectance hung in the air as Aelin waffled between telling Rowan no or sucking it up and playing. She hadn’t played in years. The piano was surely out of tune, the ivory keys covered in a telltale dust film. It was a talent, a habit long forgotten, buried beneath a barrage of painful memories.

The feel of smooth keys beneath her fingers could never be forgotten and suddenly hers were itching to glide across them. To artfully construct notes into beautiful chords and drown out the world until only music remained. Nothing else mattered when she sat at the bench. Maybe, just maybe, that was what she needed. 

“Just one song.”

“Just one song,” he agreed. He sounded somewhat surprised, but Aelin wasn’t too sure since her back was still to him. 

She brushed around the foyer table and pushed apart the dark wood pocket doors, revealing a beautiful brown piano, nestled in the far corner, between a window and fireplace. Without much thought, Aelin raised the lid, and then sat down, flipping back the cover, revealing ivory and gold keys.

The piano had been a gift from her parents one Yulemas, after she’d shown promise with the instrument. It had been redone just for her; the traditional black keys replaced with gold. After the finished stretching her hands, she played a few notes to ascertain how out of tune it was. 

It wasn’t as much as the thought and a small, pleased smile turned the corners of her mouth upwards. Out of her periphery, she watched Rowan’s large frame settle into one of the chairs that faced the piano. Her hands slightly trembled, the gravity of the moments to come setting her nervous system haywire. 

Assuming proper position, Aelin moved to the edge of the bench with her back straight, arms out and relaxed in front of her. The opening chord notes tinkered through the air, harsher than they out to have been—her wrists were dropping. In the back of her mind, the severe chastisement of her former tutors reminded her that she wasn’t “grasping the keys”, thus her wrists were not lifting accordingly, the notes not soft.

Playing solely from memory, more than a few missteps occurred, but if Rowan noticed, he never gave it away. His green eyes were piercing, watching her with rapt attention. He could have been a stone statue if not for the occasional rise and fall of his shoulders.  

Moving to the next piece, her fingers glided across the keys, caressing them in near reverence, like one would caress a lover after long being separated. Tendrils of blond hair slipped forward, partially obscuring her view of the man sitting opposite her. The wisp of privacy came at the perfect time—the crescendo was up. 

Furiously, her fingers danced upon ivory and gold with precision, the familiar ache settling into her hands and shoulders. Uncertainty, grief, life—it ceased to exist as Aelin gave all of herself to the keys. It wasn’t until the last beautiful note filled the air with a resounding resonance that she let herself breathe. 

Silence, the cliché type where you could hear a pin drop, settled heavily across the room. Rowan was still sitting there, wordless, jaw resting against a balled fist, watching her with an undecipherable gaze. Had she not played as well as she thought? Was he trying to find the words to critique it? Critique her? Vulnerability and anxiety came on swift wings, like thieves in the night, whisking away her joy.

His opinion should not matter, especially under the circumstances now encompassing their friendship, but it did. Rowan’s opinion perhaps mattered more than anyone’s and she hated he had that power over her. It was power she gave him, but the heart was a fickle, stubborn thing, particularly the one housed beneath her own twelve pairs of ribs. It did not adhere to the principles of logic, not now, not ever.

The statue broke from his confines, leaning forward, bracing both elbows on his knees, hands steepled. He remained quiet, his gaze still just as studious as it had been the entirety of her playing. If he didn’t say something, Aelin’s nerves were going to split apart. Vulnerability was making her it’s entire three course meal.

His warm timber reached her ears, and she stood in anticipation before he’d even said two words. He gave a faint laugh. “I think your piano needs tuning.” 

Six words have never been so defeating. The small kernel of joy that had roared to life instantly snuffed out, leaving as though it had never been there in the first place. The traitorous burn along her lower lids meant tears were welling up, preparing to fall down, like water from a broken dam. Aelin prayed to the gods for the floor to split open and swallow her whole; it would be a mercy compared to this. 

Angered, she roughly wiped away the moisture, pinning the silver-haired man with her gold and turquoise stare. “If you didn’t like it, you could have just lied to my face. It took every ounce of will I could muster to sit down and play for you and the only comment you can make is antagonistic? You can be a real godsdamned asshole sometimes, Ro.” 

His brow furrowed and he took a step back, hitting the chair causing it to squeak sharply in protest against the oak floor. There was just enough space for her to run by him and Aelin seized the opportunity. His warm hand encircled her left bicep, stopping her before she could get out of the sitting room completely. 

“Aelin, stop.” 

She fought against his hold, refusing to turn and face him. His pressure became a little firmer, not enough to hurt, but enough to cease almost all of the fight. Calloused fingers twirled the errant tendrils of hair along her face and neck, and as though he had done it a thousand times prior, he tucked the hair behind her ear, tracing the shell of her ear softly.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you. I didn’t know what to say. Everything that I was thinking just seemed so trivial and underwhelming. Inadequate.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“There are moments in life that define who you are. Moments that break and remake you all in the same breath. Moments that will be written on your bones for others to see long after you’re dead. Moments that you’ll spend the rest of your life wishing you could revisit them because nothing will ever be as sweet.” 

He was whispering now, hushed, like he didn’t want any part of the world to hear him. Secrets and words were powerful currency. Both could be used at a moment’s notice to bring someone to their knees. Aelin had learned that with the death of her parents, Arobynn’s betrayal, Aedion’s strangled pleas as she shut the door on him. If you never gave words life or shared secrets—then they could never be used against you. 

“You can’t keep cutting my legs out from underneath me to protect yourself.”

“Aelin, that wasn’t my intention at all. I thought you’d call me on my bullshit with some line about how the piano wasn’t out of tune or something.” 

“I showed you my underbelly. I know you could tell I was nervous. Do you really think a joke was the appropriate response?”

He snorted. “Well, now I don’t.”

Exasperation zipped up her spine and she pulled hard against his hold. If he wanted to be a prick to someone, it wasn’t going to be her. Rowan adjusted his hold before slipping his other arm around her, holding her tight to his chest. She struggled but stopped when it became apparent he wasn’t going to let up. She didn’t have to see his handsome face to know he was wearing a smug smile as he rested his chin on her head. 

“I think that if I could bottle up that moment, I’d never know another sorrow for the rest of my life.”

The confession had been unexpected and brutally honest. The vulnerability in his words was profoundly tangible. A feeling all too familiar. The tension left her body as Aelin relaxed into him, taking time to process what he had said before she responded. Words, they mattered, and while he wasn’t hers, it felt like right now he was. In another life, she could turn to him and capture his lips with her own in a silent conveyance of how she felt. They were two faces of the same coin, different, beautiful apart, but whole together. 

But Hellas himself would have to drag that secret out of her. No acknowledgement meant no control. This life had enough influence on her; she couldn’t afford to give it anymore. So instead of saying and doing what she wanted, she offered him a small thank you that tasted rancid on her tongue. 

He continued to hold her; his strong arms wrapped comfortably tight. His shirt had moved up his arms a bit, showing off tanned skin, and the whorls of his tattoo. Later, she promised herself, she would ask him what it all said and meant. A handful of the words were known to her, but the archaic language had fallen out of favor years before her time. 

“Do you think we should help with the decorations?” his question vibrated across her back.

“Why should I help with my apology gift, defeats the purpose doesn’t it?”

“Always with the smart mouth,” he declared with a pinch to her side.

“It’s part of my charm.”

“I mean if that’s what you want to call it.”

“You know what, you get to put up the 26ft tree up outside. By yourself.” 

“You promise?”

He sounded too excited at the prospect. “Better yet, I’ll send Manon to help you.”

Rowan’s arms dropped from around her and he stepped into the doorway, wide-eyed.

“Snow leopard got your tongue?” Aelin’s smirk was threatening to split her face in two.

“I will take anyone else. She’s scary,” he fake whispered, looking over his shoulder while he said it.

“I know. I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I had another idea in mind.”

“Go on,” she encouraged.

“I was thinking you could help me. I won’t make you do any heavy lifting, and you can insult me the entire time.”

“It’s not enough. What else?”

“What else?” he said slightly taken aback. 

“Mhmm, what else?” She thoroughly enjoyed how panicked he looked as he wracked his brain to come up with something agreeable.

“I’ll bring you an entire chocolate hazelnut cake the next time I come by the shop.”

“But you’ve already brought me some before. Try again.”

He ran a hand through his hair, displacing some of the silver locks. Her eyes followed and it was then she knew what she wanted.

“You can let me braid your hair?”

He suspiciously sounded like he was choking before falling into a small coughing fit. Aelin had got him, satisfaction rolling through her.

“One time. This is a one-time deal because I fucked up a lot recently and I’d do just about anything to make you smile.

“Well, I chose wisely then. We better go drag tree out of the carriage house. And check on everyone else, because it’s too quiet and with Dorian around, that’s never a good thing.” 

Rowan gestured towards the foyer, allowing her the chance to head first into the chaos. 

Surprisingly, most of the upstairs had been decorated and the bannisters had been wrapped in garlands. When Rowan and Aelin had surveyed everyones’ work, both shared a look of guilt at not having helped. Connall and Vaughn had moved the big boxes for them and hadn’t been seen since. Rowan asked if they needed any other heavy lifting done, but Lys, Manon, and Elide waved them off. 

Taking the back set of stairs down, they wandered into the kitchen, to find Vaughn flipping through several cookbooks laid out on the counters, writing things down on a scratch paper. “Do you have a zester?” he asked without looking up.

“I should, in one of those drawers. What are you doing?” 

“Well, someone has to make Yulemas Eve dinner, Aelin,” he replied like it should have been glaringly obvious.

“I normally just have takeout and pretend the day doesn’t exist,” she admitted quietly. 

“Aelin?”

“Yeah, Con?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but get out of the kitchen.” 

She questioningly looked up at Rowan and mouthed, “Was it something I said?” 

He jerked his head towards the back door and out they went. “He takes food very seriously. He loves to cook for everyone, and he eats pretty clean. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat takeout. He’ll eat at restaurants but spends twenty minutes picking apart the menu before eating. Its rather cumbersome.”

“So, it was something I said,” she chuckled. 

“Can you two shut up or go somewhere else?” a displeased, muffled voice asked. Both turned and noted Dorian happily smothered beneath two dogs on the porch swing. Rowan had brought Elliot. She smiled to herself—it was sweet he loved his dog the way she loved Fleetfoot.

“I thought you were helping with decorations, not sleeping your highness.”

“I was in the way and Fen said I was too whiny. Besides, Lorcan showed up looking angry and pushed me off the ladder. I wasn’t going to get into it with that guy. He’d eat me for breakfast or use me as snow leopard bait.” 

“And to think you’re supposed to be taking over running Adarlan.” 

“Well, when I take it over, I can order someone to deal with unpleasantries like that man. Or manual labor. You know I was built to supervise.” 

People told Aelin she was dramatic, which she was. But somehow, she knew they’d find another adjective to describe her antics if they had to put up with Dorian. He was lovable, fiercely loyal, fun, a good listener, but nauseatingly theatrical without much effort or thought. 

“If you change your mind and get tired of lying with the dogs, we’ll be out front putting up the tree.” Rowan looked like he was ready to bite through his lip to keep from laughing. 

It took twenty minutes for them to pull out all the tree boxes from the carriage house and drag them into the front yard. Lorcan and Fen had offered to help but Rowan had politely declined, letting them know if they were needed, he’d get them.

Aelin could tell Rowan was really trying to make up for last night. He’d followed each direction she’d given him to the T and done so without terrorizing her in the process. He didn’t even laugh when she tripped over an errant tree root poking out of the ground and knocked over several boxes, spilling shiny ornaments everywhere. 

The tree was halfway done, and she was fluffing the faux branches, waiting for him to return with ladders so they could put the rest up. Once it was put together, they could plug it in, and see what lights needed replacement before deciding on ornament placement. Her mom had always taken ornaments seriously and hung them all herself. It took hours sometimes because she’d take several breaks to step back and look, moving the glass balls accordingly until they were perfect. 

Inside, there was a Christmas tree for every room except the bathrooms and kitchen. All differed in size or style, each with their own set of dedicated ornaments. Each Yulemas, Rhoe had gotten both her and her mom a new ornament to be hung on the tree of their choosing. Some were wooden, others blown glass, and on occasion, metal. It had been years, but pain ferociously nipped at the heels of nostalgia made it feel like this was the first Yulemas without them. 

In a way it was. The holidays that had been celebrated with Aedion, Gavriel, and Arobynn, had been spent at the latter’s house. It was easier that way. She thought that Arobynn had been doing her a kindness but really it was just to ensure he could keep an eye on everyone. If all ends of the knot were in your hand, nothing could unravel, providing all the reassurance you needed. 

Not wanting to be melancholy when Rowan came back, she sidelined her thoughts, returning back to fluffing the branches, doing her best to fill in any bare spots. It was tedious, often cramping her hands, but there was comfort in monotonous activity.  Most of it was done, but one particular branch was proving to be a hindrance. A few colorful words escaped as she tipped forward, catching a mouthful of synthetic tree.

“Are you trying to tip the whole thing over?” he asked playfully.

“If that what it takes to get that last branch fluffed, then yes,” she replied stubbornly looking over her shoulder at him.

He tipped his head back, a full-bodied and carefree laugh sounding from him. He looked like the picture she’d been admiring on the bar wall—young and happy. She could only watch him, a smile of her own forming. Rowan was handsome; the most striking man she’d ever seen but nothing compared to this, and Aelin vowed to never let this memory go. He continued to laugh as he walked up and reached above her, righting the troublesome branch. 

“Is that better?”

“Yes. If you could have been a minute sooner, I wouldn’t have taken branches to the face.” 

“If my defense, the appropriate ladder was in the back of the carriage house, buried under stuff. And it’s heavy. I also stopped to talk to the guys.”

“Uh huh. I just hear excuses.” 

A loud squeal escaped her as Rowan’s strong arms picked up and tipped her upside down while tickling her ribs. “Excuses, huh?” 

“Ye—.” She tried to speak but he continued his assault, making it too hard to answer. 

“What was that? I can understand you. Words, Aelin. Use your words.” 

Every time she tried to talk; he tickled her again. Her stomach hurt from laughing and her head felt heavy from being upside down. If she was lucky, he was ticklish, too. She grabbed above his knee and squeezed—he jerked and almost dropped her. 

She screamed in half in delight, half in panic. Was tickling him back worth the possibility of being dropped? It wasn’t that far to the ground, but it was far enough. Tickling him won out and she latched onto his knee, squeezing it. 

“Hey, stop that!”

“You started it.” 

“Don’t make me drop you.”

“I trust you not to.” She smiled deviously. He wouldn’t drop her now, not after she’d said that. The likelihood of him dropping her before was minute, but added reassurance wasn’t bad. She hadn’t counted on him starting to spin. His grip tightened and he spun and spun and spun. Her head was swimming when he stopped. He seemed completely unphased.

Aelin was about to tease him some more when she felt the familiar vibration of a phone. Hers was inside, which meant it was Rowan’s. As though she weighed nothing more than a feather, he continued to brace her body against his with one arm and used his newly freed one to dig in his pocket. His body stiffened as he looked at the screen. Flipping her upright, he set her down and took two steps back, answering the phone. 

Eaves dropping was extremely rude, but he was still so close—it was hard not to hear every word of the exchange between them. His silver brow furrowed the longer the conversation continued, and he was intermittently pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Lyria was clearly upset that he hadn’t answered her previously calls or called her back. Then she brought up how he wasn’t “here”. Aelin didn’t know where “here” was, but she did know it wasn’t hanging out with his friends.

“I’m not going to do this with you right now. You’re jumping down my throat and I understand you’re upset, but this isn’t how I want to spend my holiday. I love you and I’m sorry I had a prior commitment. You knew this when you asked me last week.”

Prior commitment? The decorating was last minute, she knew from Elide’s tenuous confession and pleading this morning. So, what had Rowan given up to be here? The mother of his child was currently ripping him a new one, he’d ignored several phone calls, and still, he was in here, instead of doing whatever he was supposed to be doing. 

She startled when he said her name. She had missed him hanging up with Lyria. His guarded green gaze met hers and held steady. He was waiting for to ask him what was going on. Most of it didn’t need to be asked about because she heard it, but against her better judgement, she had to ask two questions.

“Where were you supposed to be and why aren’t you with her?”

His angular jaw tensed just enough to let her know he was uncomfortable with what she had asked of him. His left hand clenched into a fist, the tanned skin of his forearm flexing the tattooed whorls. “I’m not with her because I didn’t want to be.” 

“But she’s having your baby. And it’s Yulemas tomorrow.”

“Thank you for that astute observation, Aelin.” 

“I just don’t understand,” she said plainly. Quietly. 

“I was supposed to go to Doranelle early this morning, on a red eye, but I didn’t. She’s mad because I wouldn’t cancel it to go spend the holiday with her and her parents. I’ve spent every Yulemas with my cousins since my parents died.” She knew he’d lost his parents, but he’d never stated is so plainly. Truly, he had said more about himself in those three sentences as he had in as many months of friendship. 

“Did you tell her you didn’t go?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“And she’s livid you still didn’t go to her parents.” It should have been a question, but she said it as a statement instead. It was evident from the tense exchange just how upset the dark-haired woman was about his lack of attendance.

“Correct.”

It was apparent that any further explication on the subject was going to be like pulling teeth. 

“Did you miss your plane?”

“No,” he answered flat and succinct. 

“Did they ask you not to come?”

“Of course not. They were very upset when I called this morning and said I wasn’t coming.” 

“Why didn’t you go?” she pushed. It was unfair he always knew what was going on in her head, soliciting more than what she wanted to comfortably give. She didn’t regret trying to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

“Don’t ask me that Aelin.”

While the please wasn’t audible, she knew it was implied, as was the reason he didn’t go.

Her.

His green eyes were still upon her, narrowing slightly, as he anticipated her next move. She wanted to call him on his unsaid truth. To prod and prod and prod until one of them snapped, the consequences be damned. But she didn’t. He’d shown her the smallest glimpse inside his walls. If her inquisition backfired, he’d never let her in again. 

Trust took an irrational amount of time to foster and create but could be forced to ruination in seconds. She would not bring their friendship to the battlefield today. As hard as it was to sit on her hands, it was exactly what she did.

“I think if we don’t hurry up with the tree, it’ll be dark, and we’ll have missed Connall’s cooking.”

Rowan visibly relaxed, like one of the Staghorns had been lifted off his shoulders. “You’re probably right. Fenrys and Lorcan won’t hesitate to eat our food if we’re not there when Con deems its dinner time.” 

The rest of the tree took around an hour to put together, Rowan of course doing all the heavy lifting, and much to his chagrin, some branch fluffing while Aelin directed him from the ground. After she had almost fallen off the ladder reaching to fix one of them, he had refused to let her back on, using his body to block her. She was secretly glad; it gave her a chance to watch him unencumbered. His muscled frame, despite being large, moved with graceful ease, keeping him steady 20 plus feet in the air. 

Aelin had only seen a small glimpse of the finished decorations and was itching to get up from the dinner table to look, but her friends kept sending judgmental looks her way. Rowan had thought it would be more special to plug in the lights outside once dinner was over, so they could ring in Yulemas as a family—she’d been pouting ever since. The need for instant gratification was on the forefront of her brain. 

Now that the decorations were up and finished, the joy she used to feel before her parents’ loss was coming to life, soon to be a roaring fire. Connall had said he was putting the finishing touches on several dishes and waiting for dessert to finish, before dinner would start. It felt like later would never come.

“Would you quit bouncing your leg like a little kid who has to pee?” Lys quietly said into her ear. 

“I’m starving and no one will let me look at the decorations.” 

“Yes because you got out voted and we’re doing it all together. Not any one person has seen it all.”

“Quit scolding me like a child,” whined Aelin, tipping her head back against the chair. On her left, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Rowan’s mouth tip up in a lopsided grin as his gaze flicked away from Fenrys to her. Her pain was the night’s entertainment.

“You’re acting like a toddler right now,” Lysandra tried to sound stern but ended up laughing.

“Lysssssssss.”

“This is why you were an only child. Elide was she this insufferable growing up?”

“Worse. Between her and Aedion, it was constant ego, theatrics, and bad decisions. I’m pretty sure it’s why I ended up being an only child. My mom had to put up with them and then come home to me. I asked for a brother once and she started bringing me to play with them… I didn’t want one after that.” 

“It wasn’t that bad, Elide,” Aelin declared indignantly.

The dark-haired woman remained silent, but raised a disbelieving eyebrow and stared her down. Aedion and Aelin had been menaces to her parents, Elide’s mother Marion, and Gavriel, but Elide had been their partner in crime too many times to count. Aelin would let the rest of the table believe Elide the angel she appeared to be, for now. 

“Aelin, why don’t you go decorate the tree in your bedroom? I left a box with your name on it sitting on the bed. It was full of ornaments,” chimed in Manon as she walked in from the kitchen, a newly poured glass of red wine in hand.

“You found my tree?”

Manon snorted, the wine almost sloshing over the side of her glass when she did so. “It was hard to miss. Giant scrawl was all over the two boxes declaring it was your tree and the decorations that went with it. You guys really love Yulemas in this house.”

“Yeah we did,” she agreed, renewed nostalgia setting in. A heavy hand landed on her bouncing leg, giving her knee a brief, reassuring squeeze. Her blue eyes flicked over to Rowan’s, and he inclined his head towards the door, motioning for her to go.

She weaved out of the room and out the front dining room entrance, ending up at stairs closet to her room. Halfway up, a second set of footfalls joined in hers, and without turning, she knew it was Rowan. The outside tree and being present today, had been apology enough, but if he wanted to watch her agonize over perfect placement for her tree, then she’d let him.

The box on her bed was open, ratty cardboard flaps revealing some of her most prized possessions. Twenty-one years of her life could be found in this box. Every year, her father would present her mother and her with handpicked ornaments. It was tradition to open them on Yulemas Eve and then hang them on the tree at midnight.

Manon had set the tree to the right of her fireplace. It stood tall and naked in front of her bookshelf. Eagerly, she stuck her hand into the box of brightly colored tissue paper, pulling out a wrapped ball. Instant tears welled in her eyes as she unwrapped it. A flaming red heart sat nestled in her hand. It had been the last one her father had gotten for her and the most meaningful Yulemas gift she’d ever received. 

A silent tear rolled down her cheek, dripping onto the tissue paper, darkening it. Another one followed. She knew it was in here but hadn’t expected it to be the very first one out of the box. She could feel his presence heavy at her side, probably wondering she was looking at her hands like they held the world. 

She sniffed, her runny nose making very unlady like noises, “My dad got my mom and I handmade ones every year. We’d open them the night before Yulemas and hang them on the tree at midnight, signifying the start of our favorite day of the year. This one, it was the last one he got me before they died.”

“Aelin, it’s beautiful.” 

“It’s what they used to call me. Fireheart.” 

“Very fitting.” 

“Not anymore. I don’t even know that girl.”

“I do,” he said quietly before slipping it from her hands and hanging it on a branch towards the top. 

Aelin wanted to argue with him, to tell him that the girl she used to be was just as dead as her parents. She had been a force, burning brightly—unapologetically herself. There wasn’t a mountain she couldn’t conquer. She had been someone who never needed anyone, who didn’t cry at the drop of a hat, and had never doubted herself. 

Now, she was nothing but a field of ash, burned and unrecognizable. 

He held out his hand, waiting for her to hand him another, and she did methodically until the box was empty. It was stunning, each placed just right. The tree could have been in a magazine, reminding her of the days when Evalin had spent hours adorning the trees to the same standard. 

Rowan’s tall frame dropped to the floor, and he plugged in the tree, illuminating the room. The heart at the top had been strategically placed, backlit by a bulb, giving the illusion it was actually burning. He leaned into her legs, his head resting against her hip as they stared at the tree. 

“Sometimes, we all just need a little light.” The statement was weighted and required no elaboration, clearly a nod to her earlier confession. She dropped her hand to his head, idly running her fingers through the loose, silver strands. He had taken his hair out of its bun earlier, in anticipation of her braiding it, but they had never gotten around to it. It would have to be done at a later date; he would not get off scot-free. 

“Dinner!” a cacophony of loud voices rang out from somewhere beyond the walls of her bedroom. Hastily, the pair separated, several feet of distance now between them. Shame felt heavy in the pit of her stomach as she stared at Rowan, who was conveniently looking at books on the shelf nearest him.

It might not have been the embrace of lovers, but the moment had been just as intimate, if not more. He was spoken for, a father-in-the-making, and situations like this, shouldn’t be happening. Aelin was to Rowan as a moth was to a flame—inexplicably drawn, despite the promise of a tragic outcome. 

Moving forward, she would have to religiously remind herself that traipsing the fine line between friends and something more was not in the best interest of anyone involved. Too many cards were in play, and she did not yet possess a winning hand. With one last look, she strolled out of the room and rushed down the stairs, eagerly returning to her earlier seat.

Elide gave her a questioning look when she sat down alone. She shrugged her shoulders, reaching for whatever dish was closest to her. Later, one of her friends would corner her, demanding answers about her quality time spent with the silver-haired male. They were all a bunch of gossips, yet, if she shoe were on the other foot, she’d be acting the same. Secrets were the glue that helped bind friendships together. 

Con had out done himself. The table was laden with various dishes from one side to the other. There was no way she was going to be able to try it all. She plopped a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes on the white and gold plate in front her and then followed it with carved pieces of turkey. A basket of rolls was making its way around but was rudely intercepted by Rowan’s big hand as he swiped one before sitting down. 

“Looks like that was the last one, Aelin,” shared Dorian with a sympathetic look. He set the empty basket down and all she could do was stare at it, letting out a loud and dramatic sigh. 

“There’s another batch baking. The rolls always go first,” called Con from the opposite end. It didn’t make it better. She had wanted one now. Instant gratification and all.

“Here,” he said warmly, his tattooed hand placing half a roll onto her plate. Melted butter glistened on the top and her ire softened, just slightly, at his gesture. Her turquoise eyes followed his hand’s retreat, a tingling, heavy sensation forming low in her stomach when he licked the butter from his fingers. Her thighs clenched together, a poor attempt at quelling the wayward response her body was having to such an innocuous act.   

The gods were testing her. As if last night’s conversation or today’s Yulemas decorating had not been enough, now they were dangling a hot, hot man who she couldn’t touch right in front of her. Perhaps, she should attend Temple and pray to Kiva for atonement or to Lumas’, whose birthday was tomorrow… he was the God of Love afterall. 

“I think we should go around and say one thing we’re grateful for or that we hope happens in the next year. Seems more fun than the traditional grace said at Holidays,” suggested Vaughn. 

“Oh, I love this!” Dorian declared excitedly, dropping his napkin into his lap, and sitting up straight. His blue eyes were sparkling. “I’m grateful I’m spending this holiday with great friends.”

“That is so lame,” Manon declared dryly. Her unnaturally yellow eyes were pinned on Dorian, daring him refute her.

“It may be lame, but it’s true. I usually spend today and Yulemas with my family and Chaol. It’s nice to do something different with people who don’t tell me how much of a screw up I am. Or who don’t rant incessantly about mutual friends.” His gaze flicked to Aelin’s when he said the last part; apology was etched into his face.

“Well, we’re honored to be the better choice,” Fenrys said, raising his glass to Dorian before tipping it back. “I’m grateful for the beautiful life I get to live, and I hope this next year continues to bring good things to me and my.” Collective nods and smiles spread around the table. 

“I’m grateful that Vaughn finally asked me out,” declared Conall with a grin so wide, it crinkled his eyes so much they almost looked shut. Vaughn leaned over, placing a sweet but chaste kiss against his lips. 

“Me too, you’re the best part of my day.�� 

“Can we save some of the sweet for dessert? My teeth are rotting out just looking at you two.” 

“She has to eat children for breakfast,” Dorian whispered, looking slightly frightened. 

“I heard that,” Manon replied drolly. She took a large sip of wine from her glass, keeping the raven-haired male pinned with her glare. Aelin found it too amusing how much the woman liked to torture Dorian. He always acted as though at any second he was going to be disemboweled by her hands. Honestly, that seemed a little messy… she seemed the type to just snap someone’s neck and step over the body, unbothered. 

“I’m grateful for the success of The Thirteenth.” 

Lys coughed pointedly. Manon sighed, “I’m grateful for my friends. I guess you all are pretty cool.” 

“Glad we rank somewhere in your life,” Lys laughed. “I’m grateful for Fleetfoot and I hope that by this time next year, I have something like Connall and Vaughn.” Despite being a top figure in the modeling world and successful in her own right, Lysandra had struggled in the romance department. It seemed to Aelin that most guys just saw a pretty face and became disinterested when they learned she actually had brains to accompany the beauty. 

“I’m not doing this,” Lorcan vowed stone-faced.

“Yes you are,” argued Elide. Her dark eyes fiercely meeting his. A silent conversation passed between the pair, ending with the large, brooding male’s shoulders sagging in defeat. 

“I’m grateful for my brothers and for ‘Lide.” He didn’t smile at his admission. In fact, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here at the dinner table.

Elide rested her head against Lorcan’s arm, smiling to herself. The appeal of their relationship was lost on Aelin. Lorcan seemed about as fun as running naked through thorn bushes or fighting a Ghost Leopard with only your bare hands. 

“I’m grateful I twisted my ankle. I’ve never been glad to be clumsy until this year.” 

There it was. Aelin had never actually asked Elide how she’d found Lorcan.  Obviously, there were more details, but it seemed the angry man had a penchant for damsels in distress. 

The table looked expectedly at her and Rowan, waiting for one of them to go. The food they’d plated was likely cold and the rolls were probably burning. It was worth it though, to hear all the sappy things that holidays brought to light. 

“I’m fortunate to have irreplaceable friends and a proclivity for quality literature.” He didn’t bother to look at anyone else, his stormy green gaze focused on her. The conviction of his admission sent her heart skittering. A pink flush colored her cheeks, partly because it felt like he was stripping her bare and because there was an audience to his veil remark. The aforementioned line was growing finer by the minute. 

Eager to redirect the focus of the table back to the task at hand, she didn’t acknowledge him. “I’m most grateful that I don’t have to sit alone at rock bottom. And for the grace you have all shown me as I try to find myself, again and again. Thank you for being the kindling that keeps my fire going.” 

“Here, here,” cheered Fenrys loudly, his smile infectious. Aelin felt an answering one spread wide across her face. “Now let’s eat because there’s a whole lot of lights waiting for us.” 

And eat they did; what started as a daunting amount of food, hardly seemed like it was going to be enough at the end. Aelin hadn’t kept company with men who could eat like that since her cousin and uncle. Every single one of them was fit, with hardly any body fat to their name, and likely their insatiable appetite stemmed from their active lifestyles. Dorian, for as high maintenance as he was, worked out several times a week. He blamed it on having an “image” to uphold. 

Aelin was so uncomfortable, bloated like a fat tick, that she did not even have room to eat the chocolate hazelnut croissants sitting in front of her. Connall had found the recipe starred with a note declaring “Aelin’s favorite”. She’d probably have a good cry later after everyone left whilst eating one in the dark. Maybe if she was feeling terribly masochistic, she’d open the book, and run her fingers over the words written down. Would she feel the echoes of a mother’s love in the indented script? Would there be greasy fingerprints staining the pages? Would she hear the laughing chastisement of her dad as reminded her she had to wait for them to cool? What ghosts would creep in the dead of night?

“If I don’t walk around and digest this food, I’m simply going to perish right here.” Dorian was splayed out in his chair, looking pitiful, eyes pinched shut.

“Then get up. Your decomposing corpse will stain my floors.”

“Rude. You’d just let me rot right there?” he asked exasperated now staring at the floor. 

Aelin shrugged, unabashed. “You’re too heavy for me to move.”

His eyes grew wide, hand flying to his chest in horror. “I know you did not just call me fat.” 

“If you weren’t so vain, you wouldn’t have taken it like that.”

“That’s rich, the pot calling the kettle black.” 

She laughed loudly, amusement sinking in. “I never said I wasn’t vain. Besides my dead body would be easier to move.”

“Again, with the fat jokes.”

“What cheerful Yulemas conversation: rotting bodies,” deadpanned Lorcan.  

“You two are such children,” Lysandra observed. It sounded like she was trying to reprimand them, but the entertained look on her face said otherwise. 

“He started it.”

“Aelin, stop,” Elide begged, dragging out the ‘p’ dramatically.

Huffing, she rolled her eyes, and closed her mouth, the rebuttal sadly dying on her tongue. 

“Well, it’s almost midnight, so we better hurry through, so we can make it outside to plug the tree in when it’s officially midnight. Let the tour commence,” Elide sing-songed, clapping her hands together. One at a time, they filed out of the living room, through the kitchen, and into the living room. Both Fleetfoot and Eliot were asleep under the large Christmas tree that occupied one corner. The tree was decorated in only white ornaments, the clear lights slowly fading in and out, casting a warm glow throughout the room. It was so cliché, but perfect, nonetheless.

The exited the living room and made it back to the back stairs, the banister wrapped in frosted pine garlands with red bows. A small Christmas tree was nestled between the bathroom and closet doors. They followed Elide up the stairs, poking their heads in the decorated upstairs rooms, enjoying how each tree had its own theme. 

Manon had decorated the front porch balcony, a beautiful tree in the middle, wreaths hung from the windows, and garlands with bright red, velvet bows decorated the columns. The downstairs porch carried the same décor, sans the tree. Both trees in the formal sitting room and piano room could be seen from the windows—perks of having 6ft windows in all the rooms. 

They headed down the front set of stairs and took a moment to look closer at the trees in the sitting and piano room. The fireplaces were decorated with pine garlands with candied fruit slices strung along them instead of bows. It smelled liked mulled cider with a citrusy note. Aelin couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends. She knew that Elide had been the mastermind behind the decorations and today. After all, she’d really been the only one around to know how it used to be, to know how much care Evalin had put into the whole craft. 

Her eyes burned with unsaid emotion. Today had been exactly what she had needed. These decorations, these friends, these new memories… they helped lessen the ache that had griped her heart mercilessly tight for almost a decade. Grief had been holding her head under water for so long, it was difficult to know how to come up for air. 

Her ribcage expanded as she pulled in a deep breath and then exhaling, enjoying how it didn’t quite feel so heavy anymore to do so. “Thank you. It seems so paltry a gesture compared to this—,” she gestured to their surroundings, “but it’s the best way I know how right now.”

“Seeing your eyes light up has been all the thanks I needed. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you look like that,” Lys replied, slipping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She relaxed her head against her friend, enjoying the peaceful silence that had befallen them. 

“Hate to ruin the moment, but its 11:58, and there’s a tree that needs lighting.” Thank the gods Connall was paying attention. 

Hastily, they bounded out the front door, off the porch, and out into the yard. The unlit tree towered high into the night, the top barely visible. They stood together, merriment and anticipation freely flowing. The tree flickered to life with an audible buzzing sound. Aelin squinted, her eyes attempting to adjust to the bright radiance. Her and Rowan had done an amazing job. The ornaments were visible, some almost looking like they were lit themselves, the bulbs glowing against them.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed or even if it was. Truthfully, it felt like time was standing still—the moment felt infinite as they stood there, heads craned back, eyes wide with wonder. Yulemas, was a god’s birthday, but it was also a day of celebration and togetherness. A day for unbridled joy. An unspoken agreement with the universe that worries and troubles didn’t matter. No bad things could happen because just for one day, the gods hit pause on it all.

“Happy Yulemas.” 

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Aelin was wrapped in her favorite blanket, sitting on the porch, still basking in the tree’s light. She had missed its presence more than she had known and now that it was up, the idea of leaving it to sleep, caused an ache in her chest. All of her friends, except one, had left hours ago. She didn’t know the exact time, but it late, the horizon staring to lighten just barely, signaling dawn wasn’t too far off. 

It was supposed to snow, but the sky was clear, not a whisp of clouds in the sky. The air was heavy and still though, the smell of frost tickling her nose. Having a white Yulemas would be wonderous, especially with the house done up in spectacular fashion. It had been years since Orynth had been graced by snow on Lumas’ birthday.

“I have something for you.” His sleepy voice startled her. When she had last looked at him, he had been sleeping peacefully, Elliot curled into his side on the wooden bench. 

Her gaze flicked over to him, noting that while she had been staring off, wishing for snow, he had sat up, folded his blanket, and pulled back his hair into a bun. She really needed to work on her observation skills, if only for self-preservation. 

“It’s in the truck,” he said as he stood and extended a hand to her. 

As content as she was wrapped up like a burrito, she uncurled herself, and slipped her hand into his. It was warm and calloused and much larger than her own. He didn’t let go even when she was to her feet and Aelin knew she should pull her hand back, but she didn’t. For just five minutes, it would be okay to pretend that there was nothing wrong with holding his hand. No lines were being blurred or crossed or ignored. He was just a guy and she was just a girl.

Elliot faithfully trotted behind them, stuck to Rowan like glue. Her own dog, had refused to come outside, choosing to lay in front of the fire. Fleetfoot was spoiled and it showed. They did say people often picked dogs like themselves. 

Rowan opened the driver side door and dug around, only dropping her hand when he had to lean further across the bench seat. He stepped out of the door, allowing for Elliot to jump up into the truck—which caused her to deflate a little inside because it meant he was leaving. She wasn’t sure if she was dreading finally being alone or dreading him leaving. 

He shut the door and leaned back against it. Holding is hand up between them, a small brown box with a gold bow sat on his open palm. When she didn’t immediately grab it, he stepped closer, their bodies almost touching. If she took even half a step, angled her head just so, their lips would be flush, and that was the only thing running through her brain. 

When he spoke, his breath warmed her lips, “Are you going to open it, or do you have x-ray vision and haven’t told me?”

Embarrassment and shame coursed through her veins. Kissing him was the absolute last thing she should be contemplating. Her hand quickly relieved him of the package, and she took a step back, opening it. Reaching in, she hooked a green ribbon with her finger and pulled up. 

Fleetfoot. A dog had been carved out of wood, collar, and everything, and stained to appear just like her own. 

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed quietly. A tear streaked down her right cheek. 

Before she even registered him move, his hand was cupping her jaw, and he was swiping away the tear with his thumb. A small amount of pressure applied forced her to look at him. He stared intently at her, and she suddenly didn’t know how to breathe.  

“I carved it from a piece of wood I cut that day you were at my house. I almost took my thumb off a few times. It was hard to get her just right.”

“It seems like it would be hard to whittle something with so much detail.”

Rowan opened his mouth a few times but said nothing. He seemed to be struggling internally with himself, his brow furrowing quite noticeably for it being so dark and hard to see features in any great detail. Frustrated with his silence, she huffed, “What?”

“When you told me about your Yulemas tradition earlier in your bedroom, I thought to myself how fortuitous it was that I had spent weeks on this thing for you. Out of all the things, I’d carved you something to be hung on a tree.” His hand slowly down her neck, his words barely above a whisper. The drag of his hot hand against her cooled flesh sent shivers down her spine, straight to core.  Aelin’s self-control was fraying like a worn rope, soon too many fibers would break, and it would snap all together, ending with her doing something incredibly rash. 

Sucking in a ragged breath, she dropped her gaze, and counted to ten, a pitiful attempt to ground her thoughts. His hand remained against her neck, the tip of his thumb grazing the straight plane of her jawbone. She wondered if he could feel her pulse racing or the flushed heat of her skin against his open palm. 

“I love my gift, Ro. I’ll hang it on my tree when I go inside.” 

He suddenly pulled her close without hesitation, the end of her promise muffled by his muscled chest. Pine and snow deliciously filled her nose she tucked her face in a little tighter. She could feel his hands playing with the tips of her hair and the unmistakable press of lips against the crown of her head. 

“Happy Yulemas, Fireheart.” 

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Tag list:

@lunadorned @theresyourfireandblood @backtobl4ck @leiawritesstories @morganofthewildfire @rowaelinismyotp @jorjy-jo @theresyourfireandblood @numbers-colors-fashion @swankii-art-teacher @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart  @stardelia @astra-ad-mare

[ladye-zelda]

The Chain as Owl City Songs

You read the title; I gave each member of the chain an Owl City song (or more) XD

Some of these songs can go to multiple of the boys (most notably Wild, Twilight, and Legend; poor guys with girlfriend trauma).

Also disclaimer: this is mainly all of the songs I grew up with, so I won't have any songs from Owl City's newer albums (such as Cinematic and Coco Moon; especially Coco Moon as I haven't finished listening to that album at this time).

Legend

The first thing that came to mind was Strawberry Avalanche, since it kind of fits with the Koholint situation.

But I think the one that would best fit would be Angels (though it could also match with Twi and Wild).

For some more post-Koholint Angst, here's The Real World; I dunno, seems like a song Legend would belt out.

Twilight

Up All Night. No doubt. I've actually been thinking of this for so long I've been going crazy XD

(And this is mainly the song that can go with both Legend and Wild as well; be prepared for some heavy angst.)

Time

Originally what I had was Super Honeymoon (as kind of a joke) but listening to it I realized it made more sense if he was married to Zelda, which is a nope. (Or I guess it could fit if he just thinks of his wife so highly, which is likely).

Tbh he was kind of hard to assign an Owl City song to (like Four), so I think Meteor Shower might also fit for some Time Angst.

(Or Dental Care or Rugs from Me To You for some dad jokes hehe.)

(Bonus: Tennis Elbow from Sky Sailing; not technically Owl City but it's by the same guy.)

(Bonus Bonus: Unbelievable for that 90's nostalgia; unfortunately it doesn't mention Ocarina of Time but if this was Modern AU then Time would absolutely have 90's nostalgia... maybe...)

Hyrule

Plant Life. I think this song would kind of touch with that side of Hyrule who felt like he isn't like the other heroes

(It does have a slight romance undertone to it, but its only in the chorus/bridging lyric and isn't the main focus of the song I will admit.)

Wild

Wolf Bite. I know the title kind of suggests this should be Twi's song, but if you listen to it it kind of fits with the internal struggle that Wild goes through in the comics. (Plus if I could make animatics I would totally make an animatic of Wild to this song; ahhh I love Ultraviolet (the album this is from) so much).

Bird with a Broken Wing. Kind of self explanatory if you listen closely to the lyrics. (Actually, this could fit with Time... hm...)

Four

Oof, this was kind of a hard one. At first I was going to say that no song could match him, until I remembered...

The Technicolor Phase. Kind of color-centric for those who like them XD

Sky

[Insert every 2010's Owl City love song here]

XD Kidding; but the two I have written down are Honey and the Bee and The Bird and the Worm (and maybe Early Birdie?)

A non-romantic song I remembered however is Sky Diver. Yeah that's Sky for ya XD

The Airway — SO perfect for Sky

Wind

Yacht Club! Except not really because I forgot it was a romance song XD (We'll save it for when Wind has grown a bit.)

On the other hand: How I Became the Sea.

Wars

I was tempted to put Deer in the Headlights as a joke but then that would fit with womanizer Wars which is a BIG NOPE (and doesn't fit with Wars at all), so just think of it as reversed or something XD

On the other hand, we have Hospital Flowers for kind of maybe that survivor side of him.

But Beautiful Times fits him the most, as it kind of delves in with that war aspect ("cab driver turned to skydiver then to survivor" screams war to me).

And yeah, that's all the chain! Feel free to add or switch out any songs that you feel might be better; these were just mainly off the top of my head.

[lovefairymina]

Y/n sang cheerily, patting Celegorm's hair as she passed him.

"They call me lonely, they say I'm blue

'Cause I go crazy when I'm not with you

If it's a curse, then make it hurt, come on and curse me

I'll go to work with all the jerks and wake up early

With all the little birdies chirping for me

Well, I'll break their scrawny necks one of these mornings

Get love and hate confused, can't separate the two

Oh my love, how I've hated you

I say it's over (it's over), this time we're through (we're through)

But I go crazy when I'm not with you

They call me lonely (you're lonely), they say I'm blue (boo hoo hoo hoo)

But I go crazy when I'm not with you (ha ha!)

Come on and twist the knife, let's make it painful

I wanted rainbows with occasional fellatio

It's gotten different now, my angel, wouldn't you say so?

Oh, have you even had the chance to shut your cakehole?"

She chirped the lyrics happily, swaying softly as she went off to go make breakfast.

He said nothing, though he wore an amused expression as his eyes softened and followed your figure around the kitchen, flitting around from place to place like a bird. The only thing questionable about the morning, apart from your routine, were the lyrics to your song...like every other song you’ve sang.

[icemavly]

ICEMAN + MAVERICK: A PLAYLIST (PART ONE/?)

THE LONELIEST, måneskin

and i just keep on thinking how you made me feel better and all the crazy little things that we did together. in the end, in the end, it doesn’t matter if tonight is gonna be the loneliest.

let’s start with some angst, because aren’t we all suckers for it? this song fits perfectly a scenario where ice and mav get to be together (post-canon, 1986), but as time passes their relationship starts to become more and more difficult because of their positions. tom is trying to climb up in rank and everybody has a lot of expectations for him. he’s forced to marry a woman, start a family, focus on his job only. but tom did make pete feel better, he did since the beginning, since goose’s death. the night after tom’s wedding is the loneliest of pete’s life, because he knows that everything is over forever. tom is part of pete even though he will never be his.

homemade dynamite, lorde

a couple rebel top gun pilots flying with nowhere else to be, don’t know you super well but i think you might be the same as me / i’ll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies, seeing me rolling, showing someone else love, hands under your t-shirt, know i think you’re awesome, right?

during top gun, mav and ice go to the o’ club quite a lot. it’s always with the others – goose, slider, hollywood, wolfman – but even with the loud music playing in the background and their friends joking and laughing all around them, they can’t ignore the looks they give each other. tom thinks he’s hallucinating, he’s almost sure of it, but sometimes maverick’s glances and jokes make him think that he might want more. during those nights, a lot of people flirt with mav. he’s often surrounded by girls, and tom is absolutely not going crazy about it. but one night something changes. mav convinces tom to go out with him alone, to some bar in san diego – the others are busy anyway. tom accepts, and when they get there the situation doesn’t change much: mav still gets surrounded by girls (and boys) and tom curses himself, because he can’t believe he got himself dragged in a bar by maverick mitchell only to watch him flirt with other people. but when he’s about to lose his hope, mav comes back to him saying something like “couldn’t stand watching you being here all by yourself” and ice can only laugh it off nervously. then a good song starts playing, and mav drags ice on the dance floor. that’s the night maverick boldly confesses his feeling to ice and finds out they’re reciprocated.

wings, birdy

oh lights go down in the moment we’re lost and found, i just wanna be by your side if these wings could fly for the rest of our lives / i’m in a foreigner state, my thoughts they slip away, my words are leaving me, they caught an aeroplane because i thought of you, just for the thought of you

believe me when i say this just describes ice and mav’s life together. them meeting for the first time, flying together, falling in love, deciding to share a life, being there for each other, getting old side by side.

[nancypullen]

Thursday

Howdy do. It's Thursday here in Dullsville and I've decided to go full steam ahead with fall decor. Why not? Just gonna' do what makes me happy and maybe Mother Nature will see it and usher in some true autumn weather. We've had some really pleasant days lately, it was actually FIFTY degrees on Tuesday morning! I think our high today is 76 which is just fine with me. A little rain wouldn't hurt, but I feel like that's asking too much. I'll just be content that the brutal summer heat seems to have moved on. So....FALL! Remember the candlesticks I was going to paint and distress? I'm building a centerpiece around them, not sure where it's headed yet but I like the before and after.

That's the dollar store pumpkin I covered with napkins, and the little $1 pumpkin stack got some fresh paint. Easy and cheap! Tonight I'm headed to The Foundry for a mosaic class. I've taken these mosaic classes a couple of times before, it's pretty straight forward - you're basically just paying to use the supplies. She always has boxes of tile, glass, china, and of course the nippers to cut it all. The instructor is super sweet, so it'll be fun to create and chat. Tonight's class will make a 14x5 house number or welcome sign. This is the example given.

I plan to make a house number with a Halloween vibe. Our house number is 504, so I can make the 5 and 4 with black tiles and make the 0 an orange pumpkin. We'll see if that works. I've never been able to get to the grouting stage in class. I always have a big plan and not enough time. I'm keeping it simple for this project, so maybe tonight is the night I finish!

Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a COVID shot at 10am. I also have a 1pm plant pick up at the arboretum. Every spring and fall they have a big native plant sale and I always buy a couple of things to support them. This fall I'm just getting some rudbeckia (Black-eyed Susan) and some blue mistflower.

It's supposed to attract bees and butterflies, crossing my fingers but not counting on it. In a quest to lure more wildlife to our yard we added yet another bird feeder. This one clamps onto the railing of the back porch and allows us to watch the birdies from the sofa. The cats are loving it too. It's been nice enough to have windows and doors open lately, so Phoebe is on duty.

Of course, the squirrels found it right away. They never miss a snack. I zoomed in with my phone to snap that from the living room.

This one too - Phoebe had him in her crosshairs.

I think a birdfeeder is better than tv. The sounds are certainly more enjoyable. The new feeder is covered in finches every day now and with the windows open it's lovely to hear their chatter. They sound like they're terrible gossips. A Caroline Wren entertained us yesterday afternoon, they have such pretty songs. Yep, that's who I am now, a crazy cat lady who looks forward to meeting new birds. I own it. I've been reading about people who develop relationships with crows, trading trinkets and stuff like that, and I've never wanted anything more in my life. When I drive between Denton and Easton (which I have to do for just about anything) and I see a crow near a corn field I want to roll down my window and scream, "Come to my house, I'll give you stuff!" Crows remember faces (so do hummingbirds!) so maybe one will land in the backyard soon and recognize me from the road. This is all normal to think about, right? Alright, time for me to go beat my hair into submission, then throw something together for Mickey to eat while I go glue mosaic tiles to a board in hopes of having a little fun. The class is 5:30 to 7:30 and I'm usually the only person who stays to help clean up, so I may be out until 8 o'clock!

Sending out tons of love, take what you need and pass it on. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[thesoulspulse]

@lilianade-comics As soon as I heard this song it immediately made me think of your Cheese Melt AU so I had to share it! This is the nightcore version but the Cryjaxx one is great too! Been listening it on loop myself. Seriously! Just look at these lyrics and tell me this doesn't fit Vlad to a T...

MockingBird Lyrics:

Now hush, little baby, don't you cry Everything's gonna be alright Stiffen that upper lip up, little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night I know Mommy's not here right now and we don't know why We feel how we feel inside It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby But I promise Mama's gon' be alright

And if you ask me to, Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird I'ma give you the world I'ma buy a diamond ring for you, I'ma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine I'ma break that birdie's neck I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya And make him eat every carat, don't mess with Dad.

[thecrimsonrescue]

this is like, a behind-the-scenes question- but how do you decide on ranks?? like, do you decide to make 'sets' like how you have Crow, Pidgeon, and Dove, so you keep the same number of the 3 ranks? or do you pick a bird/animal/whatever and go based on vibes?? or do you go in with a rank in mind and picks bird based on vibes??

Good question! Sometimes I make sets, and sometimes I pick the animal. See, Exotic birds are quite easy for me to decide on rank due to my experience with them, So I usually decide on the vibe, size (sometimes), usual personality traits, certain biological traits, and if they're a bird that would be considered a predatory, even sometimes media I enjoy can influence how their rank is decided (including au). Appearance plays into my decision but it's mostly the experience I've had with said birds that help me properly decide on it. for example, I own a Cockatiel and a Parrotlet, Parrotlets are smaller than Cockatiels and tend to try and show dominance despite their small size and obvious strength difference, they test even the biggest of birds and tend to be brave to a fault, Yet get scared of the silliest things, Taking in the size, personality of some of these birds and my experience I'd come to the choice of making them Omega ranked. Cockatiels tend to be excitable and playful, they're bigger than parrotlets but are much more...Silly? All birds tend to be silly but My cockatiel is an absolute enigma and makes me laugh, they are sweet but temperamental and it screamed omega to me. for the birds I have not had much experience with I do plenty of research and decide on what I have studied and seen. Swans are seen as elegant, but swans can be very assertive if need be. They're bigger birds and they're protective of their mates and eggs. I also took in the inspiration of "The Swan Lake". I wanted an Alpha designed to look dainty and sweet but have mad protectiveness engrained in them.

Pigeons have always struck me as sweet but spunky birds, they're smart but hold sass, and they're usually seen as less "delicate" than Doves and less "Pretty" (which I think is a lie but I love birds in general). They're strong birds, survive very well, and are often misjudged. they've struck me as a rank beta due to their size, role, and certain personality traits. a lot of how I decide these also comes from gut feelings and I've always been that way. sometimes, I do sets of three when I think of birds that work well and aesthetically mix, Cockatoos and Cockatiels, There will be a third to the set which will be a kind of Cockatoo, Either Galah or Goffin. This is saying, Some different types of existing birdie bitties may actually have different ranks, however, I've yet to delve into that with you folks.

As for non bird bitties? My non-birdie bitties usually are based on how i view them or my understanding of them (just like the birdies) My nectar bitties are the rank they are because of the time spent with Sugar gliders. Hades, my Grillby is actually based on the song "Hey, little Songbird" from the Hadestown musical. it's also takes into consideration the au. It's always made me think of my Au Grillby (at least when I began to remake him), shaping him to be a large figure that fully gave me the vibes of an Alpha, and due to his personality and AU role, it's been what I've chosen. I try to keep the same number of ranks but I get ideas and I have to act on them before I lose the idea. long story short, I am a being of chaos and I have a system to my madness but sometimes I stray from it with the thought of good ideas. There's a way I do things, it's just a crazy one.

I hope this was a good answer, I went on a full ramble.

[mickgaydolenz]

i was tagged by @birdie-hop (thank you birdie <3!!!) to do a fun new tag game where you list your favourite musicians and (if you want) explain why you like them so much!

so i feel kind of like a bit of an outsider when it comes to music because i tend to be super particular and i don't actually like a lot of musical artists beyond a song or two. there are a lot of little things that tend to put me off of songs or artists, so when i find one i like i tend to latch on to them with everything i've got. this is going to get really long winded because i have a lot to say about one of these artists in particular (Bowie duh), so fucking feel free to just ignore this!

The Beatles -> let me start with my biggest cringefail flop moment of my whole life. i had sworn to never like this group, i used to make fun of my friends who enjoyed them, and then like the biggest hypocritical asshole of all time i watched the stupid fucking get back documentary and have not recovered since. other than being bewitched by their faggotry and crazy internal dynamics, i genuinely really love their music (that was so painful to type...). i think what i appreciate most is something about their music feels both timeless and yet beyond its time??? and the sheer level of musicianship in their works is mind boggling (like holy fuck not to jerk off paul or anything, but watching him pull that song out of his head in -3 seconds in get back rocked my world). they also just genuinely seem to be having fun (until they weren't) and it comes across in their music. as people they fucking suck ngl, but also that's part of the charm (not john lennon though he has issues i can't see beyond so sorry dude dni on sight buddy) because it just shows that they aren't these giga brain geniuses that are beyond mortal comprehension.

Ryuichi Sakamoto -> not going to lie i got into him by way of watching Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, so that will always add a level of endearment to him as an artist for me. vocally, he isn't the strongest performer, but there is something charming about the sincerity in which he delivers his lines that i appreciate. i love how sakamoto sculps sound, he's so insanely good at cultivating atmosphere especially in his instrumental pieces. the mcml soundtrack is a great example of what he's capable of, and considering he'd never scored a movie prior to that is just insane. his dedication to experimentation and genre hoping is also super admirable, i love that he has experimental sound work but also classical pieces but also 80's poppy numbers. i really appreciate how he incorporates cultural instruments and melodies into his work, modifying them in a way that both retains their significance while allowing room for change. actually here is one of my favourite pieces by him if you want to check it out -> compute, compute, compute

Micky Dolenz -> and like i suppose this also includes the monkees in general, but specifically she is EVERYTHING TO ME!!!! vocally i'm slain every time he opens his mouth, like what a fucking voice and it just keeps going strong. i know every one says this, but micky is truly one of the most underrated vocalists, he deserves so much more recognition for his talent than he has received. also, as a songwriter??? FUCKING WOW!!!! i WISH to GOD he had written more songs, because man oh man the ones he wrote for the monkees are just banger after banger. i think micky's intelligence as a song writer is super insane, his ability to spin a narrative while also handling intense topics all wrapped up in a soft voice that belays the seriousness of the song???? uhm yeah give me more bitch, love that shit. also micky just seems so chill and so kind. not to mention modest; the guy is too modest for his own good, babygirl please you deserve so much more okay??? all in all he seems like the friend that would take you out and get you fucked up beyond belief, but then he'd make you some coffee in the morning, y'know?

David Bowie -> okay, okay, okay, fuck, um he literally means too much to me to even begin to put into coherent words. i've never connected more with a body of work than i have with his music. every facet of his songs -the style, the lyrics, the themes, the sound- speak to me on a visceral level. i still get literal goosebumps listening to certain songs, it's insane how much emotion they inspire in me. he is also the only musical artist where i've listen to his complete discography AND enjoyed most all of it (you don't even understand how HUGE this is for me). As an artist, Bowie is simply unmatched to me; he pushed himself constantly, reinvented himself constantly, tried constantly for his art. that mindset, the desire to push and try new things and not stagnate in the preciousness of your own ego, is something i've tried so hard to incorporate into my own practices. beyond just the music and his art, as a person i've never related more to someone (the good and the bad). so much of my personality has been ripped from and formed by him (that should be embarrassing, and it kind of is, but his mask of confidence and poise has served me soooooo fucking well). Bowie always saw himself as an observer, removed from people, living on the outside looking in on the world and its workings. whether it was a perceived alienation, or a real alienation, or a combination of both, he always felt other. and man oh man if that isn't just the most persistent feeling in my life. anyways to make a long gay story short this dude rules my world and just writing this has me tearing the fuck up <3

okay now that that is done i tag @reignoerme, @sunny-lie-melody, @squeesbysophie, @vintagecocacolainthesun, and @jathis (but only if you want to man!)

[illleavemymessageinmysong]

same love hey diddle the mess name and address playboy to a man i’m carrying San ferry anne if you wanna love in song struggle arrow through me the other me no more lonely nights twice in a lifetime write away this one my brave face footprints secret friend I do the lovers that never were so like candy demons dance turned out lifelong passion anyway looking at her souvenir long-tailed winter bird only love remains sixty second street hosanna nothing too much just out of sight off the ground hope of deliverance say say say getting closer to you get enough beware my love cage 4th of july

So many songs about, or more often, addressed to, an ex. Of course , some, from before John’s death, might be messages to him, under the cover of a relationship song format. Not included here but I think ‘Coming Up’ is a John song. ‘Call Me Back Again’, if it’s about anybody, might be John. Linda, of course, is a massive presence in his songs. Some of them here might well be about contemporary events with Heather, Nancy. Some, of course, might just be words to fit a tune.

It’s the accumulation, though. Also, I think, a sense of distance: distance in time and in place from the person being addressed.

Yet, in all the articles and blogs written about Paul, many of which are great, this is not addressed at all. As someone commented on a YouTube video of one of these songs: “Sometimes I don’t know how people don’t pick up on what Paul is putting down”. There are, of course, people here and there who have picked up on this and whose thoughts have influenced my own on this subject.

Within these songs, there are some recurring themes that we can go on to have a look at. In the meantime, a lyrics jumble:

If I give my love again to you, will it be the same love that we once thought was true….hey diddle, I want you back.. I wouldn't make her her wooden table, I wouldn't care…. you sailed away one night in June..the mess I’m in…. you packed a bag, and like a birdie flew away, meanwhile, I'm sitting here, I'm getting in a mess…. you had your own way one too many times and now you’re going to find out what it`s like, just what it`s like, now you`re a mess….

by dawn’s first light I’ll come back to your room again..ah, long time no see baby sure has been a while…. your little man brings you trinkets when he can, but he can't stay, dear…. If you wanna love me again, I’ll take you for a ride in my Cadillac….my heart cries out for love..I can see the places that we used to go to now….want to get you in my heart again, want to love you once more..we can work it out together, we'll get through this somehow….

you couldn't have done a worse thing to me if you'da taken an arrow and run it right through me…. I know I was a crazy fool for treating you the way I did.. I wish that I could take it back..and if you let me try again, I'll have a better attitude…. I can wait another day until I call you.. and I won't go away until you tell me so, no I'll never go away…. once in a lifetime I'm a lucky man If I can find the kind of love that’s gonna last for me, twice in a lifetime is one of those unspoken dreams we usually reserve for fantasy…. you need love, write a letter, you need love write away..hey Cinderella, did you need that other fella…. did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye, tell you that I do?….

ever since you went away, i’ve had this sentimental inclination not to change a single thing.. ever since you left I have been trying to compose a 'baby will you please come home' note meant for you…. but his heart keeps aching in the same old way, he can't help feeling that she might come back someday….

here we are, where are we, cast adrift on some uncharted sea..I know we'll find our way, i know we'll reach the end if you will say you'll be my secret friend…. please remember this, after a time it's through and nevermore will there be days for me and you…. I hang patiently on every word you send, will we ever be much more than just friends?.. and I know dear, how much it's going to hurt, If you still refuse to get your hands dirty, so you, you must tell me something... I love you, say goodbye or anything…. what did I do to make her go, why must she be the one that I have to love so….

I can't wait much longer till you tell me baby, there’s some chance we'll get together maybe sooner or later, I'll be in with half a chance.. exorcise my demons, cast them out today, only you can do it, make them go away…. if you don't mind some stormy weather, we’ll be together in our fantasy..looking back it didn't hurt me, it did something for my soul, it taught me when you find a love don’t break it…. step into the misty mountains with your hair like ambered honey..give me love, be my lifelong passion…. If you love me, won't you call me, I’ve been waiting, waiting too long..in my soul is constant yearning, always singing, singing this song…. she’s good, she's kind, she's so refined but me, I'm losing my mind..though she haunts me like the sound of the rain, or a river running down to the ocean, I hate to complain, but it's happening again….

If you want me, tell me now, if I can be of any help, tell me how, let me love you like a friend, everything is gonna come right in the end…. do you, do-do, do you miss me? Do you, do-do, do you feel me?…. and if you take your love away from me, I’m only going to want it back.. to bring a happy ending to our song, I’ll carry on believing in a love…. well you could make my life complete, if you say that we could meet,for a minute on sixty second street…. come now lady don't you do me wrong.I fell for you and now it wont be long, before I hold you in my arms, before I take you to my heart again…. I said I love you I thought you knew, the last thing to do was to try to betray me, the new morning light, I'll never forget it….

there must have been a lot of heartache for you to sink so low.. I need loving, you need loving too..wouldn’t take a lot to get off the ground…. I will always be hoping, hoping you will always be holding my heart in your hand…. all alone I sit home by the phone waiting for you baby..through the years how can you stand to hear my pleading for you dear?…. when will you see me, my salamander..now don't try to tell me, oh no, don't answer, oh no, I’m getting closer, I’m getting closer to your heart….

well if the same thing happened to you, will you still put me through what you put me through?…. it was a time when we walked by the docks, I told you, "I need you all of my life" and watching the tugs rolling by together, do you remember?..do you remember the lights on the shore, how they reflected the rain on the road? I believed that you love me alone, it was real, do you remember?.. get enough, girlI can't get enough, enough of you…. I have to leave and when I'm gone, I’ll leave my message in my song…. emotional moments, you left in a rage, but if you could love me now I wouldn’t be in a cage..dramatic performance, direct from the stage but if you could get me out, I wouldn’t be in a cage….sunset’s painting up the sky, there’s something in my eye, why am I crying, it’s the 4th of july.. could it have something to do with the fact that I've been feeling blue since friday..you came in with him again and, suddenly, I knew it wasn't my day..why am I crying, it’s the fourth of July….

[breakerwhiskey]

102 - ONE HUNDRED TWO

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

Yeah, I’m just going to keep talking to you like you’re listening. Because the alternative is reminding myself that there’s a nonzero chance that Harry is the—

[click, static]

Anyway. Hey Birdie. You’ll never guess my luck today. I saw the lights on in a roadside diner—I still cannot put together why some places have power and some don’t—and when I walked in music was playing.

That’s right, their jukebox was working! And that was exciting enough as it is, but I did have this moment when I first heard tinny music playing that…well, someone had to have been there to pick a song right? Put in a quarter and everything. So I barged right in and searched the whole building—the kitchen, the back office, the bathrooms—and when that didn’t turn anything up, I pretty much ran circles around the property like a chicken with my head cut off.

There was nothing. And when I took a closer look at the jukebox, it seemed like it was a free one so…I guess there must have been some kind of power surge that caused a circuit to trip and turn it on or…

Who knows. I’m not an electrician, as much as I’ve very carefully tried to be throughout the years. Whatever happened, music was playing. It wouldn’t let me actually pick a record, but it didn’t matter. It was a dream to get to listen to some real music again. The Four Seasons, Peggy Lee, Elvis…it felt like the world was full again.

I’m getting used to too much weird shit, I think. The CB working without a power source, jukeboxes randomly tripping on, you sending me messages that contain all kinds of red flags and me just…

You kind of distracted me, you know that? I was pissed at you. The whole Denver thing, not responding to a lot of the stuff I’ve sent you that I think warrants a response—I don’t know, I’m starting to feel a little crazy, Birdie. But then you show up and talk to me live and it’s like…all that stuff ceases to matter. Because you’re there and you’re real and I never know what you’re going to say next, but none of that makes you trustworthy.

Give me a reason to trust you, Birdie.

[click, static]

[keysyfan]

LYRICS THAT (i think) WOULD REMIND CAL OF MERRIN:

1.

I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now

But hey, what daddy always tell you?

Straighten up little soldier

Stiffen up that upper lip

What you crying about?

You got me.

Hailie, I know you miss your mom, and I know you miss your dad

When I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had

I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh

I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry

'Cause you're scared, I ain't there?

Daddy's with you in your prayers

No more crying, wipe them tears

Daddy's here, no more nightmares

We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it

I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems

The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me

All the things growing up as daddy, that he had to see

But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep

Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

Now hush little baby, don't you cry

Everything's gonna be alright

Stiffen that upper lip up, little lady, I told ya

Daddy's here to hold ya through the night

I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why

We fear how we feel inside

It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby

But I promise mama's gon' be alright

And if you ask me to

Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird

I'mma give you the world

I'mma buy a diamond ring for you

I'mma sing for you

I'll do anything for you to see you smile

And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine

I'mma break that birdie's neck

I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya

And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad

2.

You go down just like Holy Mary

Mary on a, Mary on a cross

Not just another bloody Mary

Mary on a, Mary on a cross

If you choose to run away with me

I will tickle you internally

And I see nothing wrong with that

We were searching for reasons

To play by the rules

But we quickly found out

It was just for fools

Now through all the sorrow

We'll be riding high

And the truth of the matter is

I never let you go, let you go

You go down just like Holy Mary

Mary on a, Mary on a cross

Not just another bloody Mary

Mary on a, Mary on a...

You go down just like Holy Mary

Mary on a, Mary on a cross

Your beauty never, ever scared me

Mary on a, Mary on a cross

If you choose to run away with me

I will tickle you internally

And I see nothing wrong with that

3. I think the whole song is about her:)

Did you stand there all alone?

Oh, I cannot explain what's goin' down

I can see you standin' next to me

In and out somewhere else right now

You sigh, look away

I can see it clear as day

Close your eyes, so afraid

Hide behind that baby face

Funny how it seems like yesterday

As I recall, you were lookin' out of place

Gathered up your things and slipped away

No time at all, I followed you into the hall

Cigarette daydream

You were only seventeen

4.

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

[madame-fouquet]

2022 Anime Retrospective

With the year having come and gone, and a whirlwind of, frankly incredible, anime with it, it's time to do what has become a tradition for me and present my annual end of the year anime round-up! Each year it feels like I talk about just how hard it was to narrow the field as if it is something unique to that year's batch of anime, but perhaps it's time to admit that every year has a ton of great stuff that make it difficult to pick just a few to represent the best of them.

That said there were still a couple factors that made this year uniquely difficult, mainly the threat of a sweep by one particular series. However I am nothing if not fair, so I imposed a rule that I wouldn't let any series occupy more than two spots. I WILL however be doing a special mini-shout-out at the end of each category to that one particular series. That out of the way I do want to also open with a quick shout-out to some entries that didn't quite make the cut. My Dress Up Darling was a positively incredible series with an equally incredible main couple who were impossible to not root for, Marin herself being an especially lovable goober who had me constantly “Squeee”-ing along with her. Chainsaw Man was also a GREAT late-year entry that I feel is gonna really get a chance to shine in later seasons/coeurs so I'm gonna let it wait til then for me to really gush. Eve from Birdie Wing, Marin from Dress Up Darling, Chainsaw Man's Power, and Do It Yourself's own Jobko-chan are all wonderful and delightful ladies, but couldn't quite measure up to the character who did come away with this year's accolade. I do still absolutely love all of them though. And One Piece Film Red's Backlight encapsulates both an absolute banger of a song as well as a potent and emotional moment in the movie, but there were reasons it couldn't be on the list for either of those categories. That will not, however, stop me from listening to it on repeat.

Best of the Year: Call of the Night

“Take me away midnight, Bloodshot red eyes, A lullaby for grown-ups.”* The unprecedented power of the temptation offered by a street lit, not by the sun, but by the harsh burning glow of neon signs and muted business windows. The freedom you find wrapping itself around you just as the gloomy shadows of murky alleys close in on either side. The endless possibilities of the deep, dark, and beautiful night.

Crazy how something like an anime can encapsulate such profound and abstract concepts, how it can make me long for those quiet and intimate walks to a 7-11 at midnight, the way it felt like the whole town was just for me and a single other person. But conveying those feelings of nostalgia for distant memories of the romantic and unknown is clearly EXACTLY what Call of the Night was setting out to do, and the fact that it was able to so perfectly do just that is exactly why it is my best show of the year.

Call of the Night is more than just a vehicle for exquisitely communicated vibes though. It's also the story of Ko-kun and Nazuna finding each other, and trying to find meaning in their lives through that connection. Of Ko trying to come to terms with who he is, and what connecting with other people actually means. Of Nazuna trying to shake off the deep malaise that has haunted the long nights of her unnaturally long life. It is a story of people finding themselves through each other and through the freedom offered only by the mystery of the night.

Along with the harsh feelings of entropy and malaise Call of the Night also understands how to perfectly communicate things like fear, intimacy, joy, and raw sex appeal. Every other series that makes an attempt at being erotic ends up feeling sophomoric and lazy next to the subtle, classy, and perfectly potent showings from Call of the Night.

I would love to keep going on about Call of the Night, and I will! But not here. This series threatened to sweep nearly every category this year and, though I denied it that privilege, I will give the show its due and note, as an honorable mention, each thing it would have contributed to those categories. If that isn't the ultimate endorsement of a single series, I don't know what is. “Flooded with don't-do's, Smeared with shouldn't know's. Under the screen of darkness coming to get us, You're always so capricious, The Call of the Night.”* *Yofukashi no Uta by Creepy Nuts

Runner-Up: Made in Abyss Golden City of the Scorching Sun

***This is one of the first times I feel like I need to tag one of my entries with a SPOILER warning. So if you haven't watched the latest MiA season and have plans to, maybe consider skipping over this entry. Just know that I highly recommend it!*** With all the romanticism out of the way it's time to get heavy. Made in Abyss can be a very divisive series, and for good reasons, but it qualifies as a “problematic fave” for me. I'm not here to get into the weeds about the series though, what I am here to do it talk about what a fantastic follow-up this second season is to the initial outing as well as the movie.

For me, Made in Abyss was always about three things: The unrelenting power of the human spirit, the awe-inspiring beauty of the bizarre and dangerous, and the strength to retain one's identity and principles in the face of overwhelming horror that dares you to lose your way. Golden City of the Scorching Sun follows up on all of these themes perfectly, willing to pursue just how far the human spirit can be pushed while still refusing to break.

The new characters are also extremely good fits for the continuation of those thematic explorations, with new-comer Faputa having an arc that ties wonderfully into Reg's own continued growth while still also focusing on the question posed by her own existence: Even if you are in the right to seek revenge and enact abhorrent acts in its name, is it still morally just to do so? (if you were to ask me the answer is: yes.)

The new villain of Wazukyan also does a fantastic job of following up on past antagonists by continuing to show how easy it is for raw confidence and unstoppable ambition, like that exhibited by spunky protagonist Riko, to spiral into self-serving cruelty and arrogance. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and the Abyss is allegory enough for the awful afterlife that I think the original exhibition leader's intentions qualify as a guiding beacon into the dark. And while a lot of parallels can be draw between Wazukyan and series supervillain bad-dad Bondrewd, I think Wazukyan's approach and mindset are different enough from the “Father of the Year” that he stands well on his own. Overall this entry was exactly what it needed to be, different enough to stand apart from it predecessors, but still fully acting on that mission statement that we started the exhibition on. And it has me just that much more excited to continue down into the Abyss and see what beautiful horrors are waiting for our heroes when they finally reach the bottom.

Runner-Up-Up: Kaguya-sama Love is War -Ultra Romantic-

Any season that has Kaguya-sama means that every other show is competing for a best of slot with Kaguya-sama. Any year that has Kaguya-sama is a year where every other show is competing for a best of slot with Kaguya-sama. This show is like the new gold standard for both rom-coms and absurdist high school comedies, and the third season shows that it absolutely refuses to slow down when it comes to “pause the show and take a minute to finish laughing” comedy, as well as absolute gut-punching emotional peaks.

I lauded the second season for achieving the previously thought to be impossible task of making me actually care about and feel bad for Ishigami, a feat which this season follows up on by continuing to feature him as a... surprisingly good guy? Yeah it's wild. It also made me form an emotional connection with Ino, despite her rather off-putting personality. Honestly Kaguya-sama really is just “the show that makes you see the good in a bunch of stupid kids.” (Gosh they're all so dumb.)

What also helped this season, I think, was giving some more screen-time and substantial growth to the long-suffering ultimate wingman who is Hayasaka. Hayasaka has spent so much time in Kaguya's shadow, having to expend so much time and energy managing her mistress's emotions that, both personally and narratively, she's had ZERO time to experience growth and handle her own problems. But now it's her turn to shine in the spotlight and express all that pent up frustration in the most normal and natural way anyone could- with a rap-battle. She deserves everything they finally give her honestly, especially considering this season also saw her being forced to confront one of the most brutal ordeals any character in the series could ever suffer... being locked in a small room while Shirogane sings. Heaven have mercy.

The absurdity of it all and the stupidity of the characters is 100% why we're here. Well, that and the fluffy fuwa-fuwa doki-doki emotions we experience from watching Kaguya and Shirogane FINALLY make some of the most substantial progress in their relationship yet. The finale of the season is a “needs to be seen to be understood” sort of thing, and has me absolutely chomping at the bit for that cinematic follow-up.

Runner-Up-Up: Birdie Wing -Golf Girls' Story-

“Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.” -Happy Gilmore 1996

While many of the outfits in this series are quite goofy, and a number of the asses are definitely fat, I like to think that Birdie Wing has shown that golf needs just a little bit more than that. According to Birdie Wing, golf also requires Mafia connections, amnesia, a shady underground golf teacher, the hypnotizing powers of pussy-stank, a wlw bent, and Gundam references aplenty.

Seriously though, Birdie Wing has no right making me enjoy watching, and being engaged as heavily with the sport of golf as it did. I'm not a sports show girl, it takes a rare and special series to make me tune in for the scores and drama and, well... Birdie Wing is definitely both rare and SPECIAL. Anime is the only medium that could give us mob-backed underground life-or-death golfing and get me to type that sentence with a straight face.

If Birdie Wing was JUST empty spectacle it would still probably be a pretty good time. But it somehow manages to squeeze very real character work and emotional drama in between the physics-bending drives and mob violence. The incredibly sweet and genuine budding relationship and emotions between leads Eve and Aoi is the actual driving force behind the series, even if it's easy to occasionally lose track of it behind all the VR and mechanically randomized underground golf courses.

I find myself just kinda going in circles trying to talk about this show, unable to describe it any other way than wonderfully absurd and beautiful. Birdie Wing kicks in the door to the sports-anime-bar to a perfectly timed record scratch as the other series full of spunky, hopeful, and wide-eyed high schoolers stare in disbelief at the explosive assassination of a political leader the series features as a slight aside. It takes one look around the room and dares anyone to ask what ridiculous heights it's going to get up to next. And I am so ready to see what those heights are.

Runner-Up-Up: Sasaki and Miyano

Standing in stark contrast to that last entry is something rooted more deeply in reality and subtlety. Sasaki and Miyano is such a powerfully sugar sweet romance that I feel like even the most bitter among us can find themselves drawn into the budding feelings between the leads. Along with being an exceptional example of the classic fluffy romantic comedy, Sasaki and Miyano also proves you can have your pining, and actual advancement of the relationship too.

It's one thing to have characters in a series who are genre-savvy, aware of the tropes of the story they exist in and able to note when they're happening, but it's another thing I think to have a lead who is savvy of the genre he's in (in this case Boys Love) and also in complete denial of it happening. Miyano loves to love Boys Love, but dang is the boy is in such deep denial about what that means for his own romance. I think one of the strengths of our uke-adjacent lead is that, while he spends part of the series in denial about his sexual preferences, it never comes off as paradoxically homophobic or anything. Instead we just get a young guy who had never thought to consider that liking other dudes was an option for HIM specifically, and I feel like that is a pretty relatable feeling.

I'll admit that I was worried going into this series that it was going to be yet another single coeur MLM/WLW series that spent the entire time on setting up the central relationship without ever reaching the payoff, (a trend I've been seeing a bit more often than I'd like lately.) I was then incredibly pleasantly surprised when the series ends with an actual substantial step in the advancement of the central relationship. It sounds minor, but when it comes to romance, I'm not just here for pining and longing looks- I wanna see some actual payoff dammit!

Sasaki and Miyano was never the most lavish production, but it certainly did know how to spend it's budget smartly. Things never looked awkward, or off model, and even if they weren't an incredibly extravagant effect, the colored shapes that would float by during the particularly soft moments never failed to make me melt and feel the gentleness and emotions of the moments. And I think that's the best way I could describe this show's strengths. It always made me feel the softness, the tenderness, and the love infused into it, and that sounds like the most you could ask of a romantic series.

Honorable Mention: I'm Kodama Kawashiri

I love short form series. I still consider Working Buddies to be one of my favorite anime of the past decade. The format, it seems, is ironically often allotted more freedom than its full length brethren. The amount of creativity that has to be utilized to tell a story, move a character forward, or make a point in three to five minutes can be startling. But that this series just uses that time to be painfully relatable is possibly even more impressive.

For a series that is sixty-six percent opening by volume it is astounding how much they got me to care about the titular character of Kawashiri. Maybe it's because I too am constantly procrastinating on any given project I'm currently working on, or wish I could just eat fried foods and drink beer for every meal, or have also made attempts to game the sleep system that have all ended in abject failure. I'm not sure, but I do know I would die for this pitiful little kappa woman.

And maybe that's the magic of Kodama Kawashiri. She doesn't need to strive for something profound, or accomplish amazing feats, or dig into the deep levels of the human condition and examine what it truly means to be a person for us to love her and enjoy our time with her. She just needs to remind us that, it's okay to occasionally have a mini-mart dinner or linger in the bath knowing full well there are things we need to be actually accomplishing. That deadline can totally wait, and there's no way this will come back to bite us in any way. We're all human, we're all flawed. We should all take time to slow down and let ourselves be just a little slothful sometimes. You should be kinder to yourself. I should be kinder to myself. I'm Kodama Kawashiri. And You are too.

Best Character of the Year: Riko (Made in Abyss Golden City of the Scorching Sun)

***This is one of the first times I feel like I need to tag one of my entries with a SPOILER warning. So if you haven't watched the latest MiA season and have plans to, maybe consider skipping over this entry. Just know that I highly recommend it!***

It feels a little odd giving this award to a character who made her premiere in animated form several years ago but, while Riko in the first season and movie was fantastic, I find that this season was the one where her character really materialized and compelled me. As good as she was in that first coeur, she did unfortunately spend most of its incredible final act sidelined and unconscious, so it was difficult to fully appreciate her impact. Similarly the movie felt like more of Nanachi and Prushka's story than Riko's, again making her feel like a supporting character in the story she is technically the protagonist of.

One thing that really stood out to me as Riko progressed through this latest season was how easy it would be to take her optimism and positivity for granted. Riko has seen, done, and been involved with horrors both natural and man-made beyond comprehension, but she has been left in a situation where she isn't allowed time to deal with and internalize any of it. She is being forced, constantly, to push it down and forge ahead, because to lose to her traumas and emotions now means death. So to see her allowing herself to blanket that trauma in her genuine love and fascination for the Abyss can really come across as one of the most heroic things she's done, at least for herself. She knows that she will have to confront these things some day, but she also understands that now is just unfortunately not that time.

Riko's empathy, despite the depths of human cruelty she's had to face, is perhaps the most important thing she contributes to the tenacious trio that is her, Reg, and Nanachi, and it is on full display in this season. The way she frees Vueko without a thought, the way she can answer Wazukyan's final question with her characteristic sense of wonder, the fact that she was able to forgive Maa and by extension get ME to forgive Maa. She is constantly showing that, despite the growing and impossibly heavy burden on it, she still has a heart, and that might be the one thing keeping her from becoming like so many of the other people she has encountered on her journey, and the thing that defines and separates her from the other White Whistles.

Honorable Mention: As I mentioned before, Call of the Night ran the risk of sweeping this whole year. So my CotN character shout-out goes to Seri Kikiyou: The far too relatable ennui-afflicted vampire gyaru.

Best Moment of the Year: Rose's Arm (Birdie Wing -Golf Girls' Story-)

Were there more emotionally affecting and deeper reaching moments in anime this year? Oh, absolutely. Are there any real ramifications or far reaching consequences from this event? Not really. But when I tell you that not a single other moment this year got the kind of genuine audible reaction that  came out of me when Rose's futuristic robot arm prosthetic exploded out from beneath her glove, I am being absolutely serious.

Birdie Wing had me thinking I was fully prepared for it, that I knew exactly what level it was operating on and that, while it may be able to impress me with the depths of excess and ridiculousness that it could reach, I didn't think it would have the ability to fully surprise me. And then, despite my acceptance of the mechanical modular underground golf course they were playing on, I was NOT actually ready for the reveal that Rose had a gosh-danged ROBOT ARM. And the way this information is presented to us, with it exploding off her body after making a drive? I just couldn't. I screamed. I cried. I died laughing. I said “No” repeatedly, I asked “Why?” just as often, and I had to pause and catch my breath. No one else is out here doing it like Birdie Wing, I still have trouble believing this moment actually happened on screen like that in a series about GOLF!

The fact that such a short moment could produce so many emotions and at such intensity means that I couldn't give this award to anything else. Please, if you haven't, watch Birdie Wing. This show is the completely fake real anime that anime deserves and I love its absurdity with all my heart.

Honorable Mention: I almost gave this award to Call of Night's first episode when Nazuna and Ko take flight at the end. The insert song kicking in, the ethereal lighted sky that is almost synonymous with the series, the lingering beginnings of a budding romance, absolutely incredible visual storytelling.

Best Theme Song of the Year: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang by Queendom (Ya Boy Kongming)

I was unsure about Ya Boy Kongming when the spring season first started up. Just reading the synopsis I didn't know if the series could actually execute such a unique concept. Before I could make a decision though, my partner rushed over to me with a video he'd found on social media and together we watched the OP for the series with all of its incredible imagery and energy as this monstrous ear worm of a song belted out alongside it. After watching that, there was no more need for waffling. I knew we were going to watch the show.

That alone should speak to the strength of the OP. The point of an opening number is to get you in the mood and headspace for the piece of media you're about to enjoy, but in this case it was the single most convincing advertisement that could have possibly been made for the series. The raw “getting hyped in the club” vibes of the song, the positively excellent energy of watching the cast dancing along or engaging in hilarious music video style shows of excess, it makes it impossible to not have a good time while it's playing. And I think Eiko herself would approve considering that all she wants to do is spread happiness to the world through music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNn9NxZH2Vo Honorable Mention: All three Creepy Nuts tracks from Call of the Night have not left my mind (or playlist) since the show ended. I'd be hard-pressed to pick only one of the three as a favorite, but considering their own Yofukashi no Uta was the inspiration for the series itself, it feels fair to give it to that one especially. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zArhnXbh3Yc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OndK9RknCYU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6WjVGEVbNc

Best Movie of the Year: One Piece Film Red

So here's a fun story: A buddy of mine hit me up asking if I'd be interested in going to see One Piece Film Red in theaters with him. He'd gotten a pair of tickets but his friend he was going to go with had to drop at the last minute. I told him I'd be happy to go, but I asked, since I'd only ever read maybe a couple dozen chapters of One Piece and picked up some other bits of info through cultural osmosis, if he'd be okay with me occasionally leaning over and asking who someone was or if I was supposed to know something from the series or not. He then confessed that he knew even LESS than that about One Piece and had primarily gotten the tickets because the buddy who had dropped was a huge fan.

I think that is able to speak more to the strength of the movie than anything else. If you at least know the basics of how the world of One Piece works and who the Strawhat Pirates are, you are going to be able to enjoy this movie I can assure you, because I absolutely did. And I didn't just enjoy it, I fell in love with it. More-so than anything else, this film has gotten me the closest to finally going back and tackling the insurmountable task that is “catching up on One Piece.”

I'm a fan of musicals, and especially love when an anime is a musical (Go watch Starmyu) but after Uta's bombastic performance of “New Genesis” I had just assumed it was a clever diegetic opening number. But when she started singing again during the lighthearted battle with the various pirates during “I'm Invincible” my attention was once more piqued. And when she unleashed the absolute banger that is “Backlight” during that heartbreaking confrontation, I knew this was something very special.

And perhaps, fittingly, Uta is that special something that made the movie so great. The combined performances of Kaori Nazuka (speaking) and Ado (singing) help bring to life a character who is so much more compelling and deep than I was prepared to give her credit for going in. This movie is just as much, if not more, her story than that of the Strawhat Pirates whose series it occupies. From what little One Piece I had engaged with I was already quite taken with Shanks, but his daughter has proven to be a character who I hold even more near and dear to my heart.

If you're a One Piece faithful, you've probably already seen this movie. If you're a One Piece casual who has been waffling on it, do yourself a favor and see it now. And if you're a One Piece Newbie or just someone who has heard a lot but never taken the leap, this is your ship coming in, and it's time you climbed aboard.

Worst of the Year: The Yakuza's Guide to Babysitting

***Disclaimer: I only vote a series “worst of the year” that I have watched all or the majority of. I will not vote for something that I tried for one or two episodes and dropped due to not liking it, so this often ends up as more of a “least favorite” or “most disappointing” category. I also will NOT vote for something with an infamous reputation. I know by word of mouth of some truly ABYSMAL shows, but I didn't watch them, so it's not fair for me to give them that flack (No matter how well deserved).***

With the now usual disclaimer out of the way let's dig into the crimes committed by this series and the manner in which it has disgraced the family name. Don't misunderstand my thematic hyperbole, Yakuza Babysitter is by no means an abhorrent show, but it is a series that seems to have somehow misunderstood its own core concept and the potential contained within.

Lots of people, myself included, love the comical juxtaposition of something like members of  organized crime syndicates and mundane heartwarming activities, just look at the explosive popularity of the Yakuza game series. However when you do something like this you need to nail down what the very specific tone or tones you're going to be working with are and present them fully and succinctly from the beginning. Which is not something YGtB ever really did? The beginning of the first episode implies that we're going to be primarily in for the cross-section of Toru's violent, unhinged personality and the sweet and innocent activity of caring for a young child. But we rarely ever see Toru enact that much violence, and when we do it's always for the sake of others, or in the name of righting wrongs. We never really actually SEE much that reinforces what we're constantly told, that Toru is an madman on the edge, only barely contained by the family head's strength of will.

And that's where the series mostly drops the ball. We're constantly being told things, but never shown the evidence of their truth. There's this mysterious and threatening individual who pops up at the end of several episodes to attempt to spread a foreboding cloud over the future, but the rest of the series never commits to this concept (at least not up til the eighth or ninth episode when I finally gave up.) Though frankly I wouldn't blame anyone for dropping during the absolutely awful time of a head-scratcher that was the fourth episode. Here's a writing tip: Just because you've cleared the three episode test, if you haven't fully nailed down your core vibes and concepts, or even introduced all the members of your primary cast, it might not be a good idea to air an episode that you admit UP FRONT is completely non-canon and is just wasting the viewers time.

[meekmedea]

Mockingbird 

I've been listening to Mockingbird by Eminem, and it says a lot that the first thing I think is what a fitting song it is for Slade in the my story is mine to write au 😆

But like hear me out, it works, I'm not reaching, I swear!

Exhibit A:

Slade in his early days with a baby Medea, where Shiva has just given custody over to him. I see this part as him at his wits' end when Medea's crying, unused to a new environment + no mother in sight, all the while Slade's a mess, trying to soothe her.

Now hush little baby, don't you cry Everything's gonna be alright Stiffen that upper-lip up, little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night I know mommy's not here right now, and we don't know why We fear how we feel inside It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby But I promise momma's gon' be alright

Exhibit B:

Literally Slade with any of his children

And if you ask me too Daddy's gonna buy you a Mockingbird I'ma give you the world I'ma buy a diamond ring for you, I'ma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile

+ the rest of the lyrics

Protective Slade???

And if that Mockingbird don't sing, and that ring don't shine I'ma break that birdies neck I'd go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya And make him eat every karat, don't fuck with dad (haha)