ianeoykin-blog

[ghostiiess]

“you’re the best gift i have ever received”

synopsis: while you’re trying to wrap your christmas gifts, your boyfriend jake knocks on your door and surprises you with a gift

warnings: none, petnames (princess, babe, and baby), mention of kisses (not makeout), i think that’s all? let me know if there’s more!

type: fluff

wc: around 850 (i think)

member: jake from enhypen x female reader

author’s note: i am in love with jake’s and hoon’s collab with tiffany & co…. so i added it into the imagine, i hope you guys will like it!!

reblogs and likes are really appreciated!

english's not my main tongue.. sorry if i made any mistakes!

Wrap, wrap, wrap. You were late... again.

Like every year, you procrastinated to put the wrapping paper on the gifts you bought for your family and loved ones. You loved buying the gifts, picking out the tags, choosing the wrapping paper, seeing the smiles on the faces of your family and friends when they opened the gifts, but you hated the time when you had to wrap everything and put the gifts in order. You found it long and boring, especially since your gift-wrapping skills were not the best and most beautiful.

If your boyfriend Jake saw you doing what you are doing now, he would probably laugh and tell you how adorable you are, trying to handle the tape and the wrapping paper at the same time. Unlike you, he wrapped gifts beautifully.

- Why is wrapping presents so hard?!

You sighed for the umpteenth time under the air of the festive songs you had put in the background, then looked at the gift you had just wrapped. How could a book be so difficult to wrap?

- Well... it's not too bad. After all… it's the gift that counts, not the wrapping.

You looked at the pile of gifts you had left. Just seeing the other gifts discouraged you. Again, you took the gift, that was meant for a family member, placed it on the paper, and took a deep breath.

- You only have six left, you can make it Y/N! you said to encourage yourself.

At the same time, there was a knock at your door. You weren't expecting a visit today, but you guessed that it was probably your boyfriend, who liked to make surprise visits from time to time. You opened the front door and let the cold wind and snow enter your house.

- Hii! said your boyfriend Jake with a big smile on his face, as he walked into your house and kissed you on the cheek. I have a special delivery for you!

- A special delivery? you asked as you closed the door behind him.

Your boyfriend nodded and handed you a bag, running his ringed hand through his dark brown hair.

- Coming straight from the North Pole! It's not your Christmas present, but I really couldn't wait! he smiled. I really wanted you to wear it before Christmas Eve at my family's house.

- How many non-Christmas presents will I get? you laughed. I thought we had to go easy on the presents this year... and this is the third one! I really appreciate it, but... I don't want you to spend all your money on me, baby.

He laughed.

- Yeah, but... Don't I have the right to spoil my girl during this festive season? Besides, it's so fun and cute to see you all happy afterwards.

He kissed your forehead, then said:

- Open it, I want to see your reaction.

You nodded your head, then gently removed the red tissue paper that decorated the white bag. You took the small wrapped gift and removed the red wrapping paper from the box, revealing a small turquoise box inside. You could recognize the brand just by the color, due to the promotion Jake and his best friend had recently done with Tiffany & Co.

- Jake... Is this really what I think it is?

- Open it and you'll see! He replied with a grin.

You opened the small turquoise box and saw a silver necklace, with a small heart-shaped pendant, that opened to reveal your and Jake's anniversary date of dating. You couldn't help but smile.

- Jake... It's so beautiful, I love the detail of our birthday in the little heart...thank you so much! I love it so much, you said, kissing him gently on this lips. Can you put it on me, please?

- It's nothing princess, you deserve it! he replied, putting the necklace around your neck.

- How is it? you said, turning back to face him

Jake put his right hand over his mouth to hide his smile and couldn't help but giggle a little. His hand slipped to his heart, you could almost see sparks in his brown eyes.

- Baby, you are sooo beautiful. It suits you so well, omg… Come here.

He placed his lips against yours, then gave you another smile.

- I knew I had made the right choice with this necklace. To be honest, I ordered one too and I thought we could both have matching necklaces. I think we could look really cute and beautiful wearing them together. What do you think? before you could answer, he continued. Wait! We could even have matching rings! I think I saw some that went with the necklace. Omg, we'be so cute!

You took him in your arms, laughed softly, and then nodded to confirm his idea of matching necklaces. You pulled away from the hug, then went on with what you wanted to say:

- Thank you so much baby. I also wanted to give you a gift today, but all of your gifts are in transit. They were supposed to arrive today, but there was a delay in shipping and delivery, and I won't get them for another two days but…

Not letting you finish your sentence, Jake placed his lips on yours, then pulled away from the kiss while placing his left hand on your right cheek.

- Baby, you're the best gift I've ever been given. As long as I have you, I'm happy. And if I’m being completely honest, I don't want anything, except for us to grow old together.

Still a smile on his lips, your boyfriend looked at the messy pile of presents on your kitchen table. He knew you hated wrapping gifts.

- Need a hand?

- Please.

not so sure about the end, but i still hope you guys liked it!

permanent taglist (open): @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

bold can’t be tagged.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

Listing a few funny things that happened when Angel had to deal with the media, post rescuing everyone from Playtime Co:

Angel, still shaking from spending one week inside the factory and with dried blood still glued to their hair, smelling like hell, politely answering some questions while in the hospital while waiting for Dogday's emergency surgery to finish.

The media being obsessed with calling Angel, whose actual name is Raphael Taylor de Oliveira, "Angel" the moment they hear one of the toys referring to them as that.

Combine the religious imagery with Angel's poor little meow meow wet kitten born in a cardboard box with every disease face and we have a very, very easy way for making the narrative out to be "a kind ex-worker at Playtime Co. discovers that children were used as experiments inside the factory and risks their own life in order to save them".

Angel is instant-loved by Brazil the moment the first news start to arrive, which is something they're very proud of.

Angel having to hold Catnap and Mommy Long Legs by their hands while giving out an interview in their home, so neither one of them would be too mean to the poor reporters. Angel still has to tell them to be nicer though.

The cops and investigators having to explain why they didn't figure out there was something wrong with the factory when all Angel had to do was walk inside and say hello to the Huggy Wuggy statue.

A reporter explaining the horrific events while in the background Huggy stares at her like "smoll person :0}" and boops her. Cue to Angel saying sorry and anxiously guiding him away.

"What did you have to eat while trapped down there?", someone asks, and the toys all go "oh hahahaha. uhm. rats. and the bodies of our friends WHEN THEY INEVITABLY DIED FROM A DISEASE. we didnt hunt each other dw dw hahahahahaha".

Angel a few months later, after buying the farm, giving a "house tour" so people will know the kids are doing okay and stop pestering them about house-related questions. Angel is very excitedly telling the reporter about how much more space they have now while Catnap is eyeing a bird in the background. "Theo don't you think about that, you have food right there".

One of the mini critters listing all the toys that were gifted for them and saying "it's very nice, very chewable", I like how it tastes" and Angel looks at them like "so it's YOU who has been chewing the toys??????", with the reply being "and the doors as well!"

Catnap going from referring to Angel as "our savior" to simply "our mother" during any interviews or news reports where he somehow talks.

Everyone wanting to interview Dogday because he does, indeed, have a radiant and happy energy and audiences love him.

Angel saying "and the hut is the house of 1006, the first one to ever happen, but he would prefer if we just left him alone".

Poppy being someone who's always SUPER pleasant to work with, and excitedly telling the reporters everything they have been doing around the farm.

Angel sighing after finding out Prototype is Elliot Ludwig, KNOWING they'll have to tell the authorities so they can have license money and control over the Playtime Co. brand.

Angel turning to the family's lawyer like "you won't believe what I just found out", the lawyer saying "oh, this won't be the most absurd thing you told me yet", then after hearing Angel tell her about it going "oh, you are always full of surprises, uh. Uhm. Now that makes things complicated", and Angel laughing to the point of tears after that.

ALL the news reports during the trial against Playtime Co.'s higher ups and the negligent authorities. Kickin keeps a collection of the "best moments", which include Angel beating the ever living shit out of a higher up after he refers to the toys as "things" and "collateral damage" instead of "victims of human experimentation".

The news about the fact that apparently Elliot Ludwig became the first PlayCo. experiment ever, and Angel + Poppy having to deal with THAT.

Prototype's single public apparition, around 4/5 years post-rescue, because he had to go to court as well so Angel would have a chance of getting the rights to PlayCo. and all of its properties back to them.

The news when Dogday and Catnap get married, a whole decade post-rescue.

Angel just dropping the most cryptid information ever in social media or during one of the rare interviews they're willing to give after the initial years post-rescue. They tweet things like "I saw some people asking if any of the toys ever attacked me during the week I stayed at PlayCo, and I want everyone to know that all of them at some point did. But don't worry, I bit them back, we're all good now" and one time say "my husband and I like to grow tomatoes like this, but one of our daughters has been trying another way" and that's how everyone finds out Angel and Prototype are a Thing.

Craftycorn happily blogging her life as an artist and featuring all of the other toys during her videos, while Poppy does makeup and sewing tutorials, and the two of them doing collabs and livestreams often. During one of the streams Angel screams "THEODORE GRAMBELL LUDWIG OLIVEIRA DID YOU JUST HUNT A COYOTE AGAIN", and that's how Crafty and Poppy's fans discover everyone decided to add Ludwig Oliveira to their names.

I would say more but honestly this post has been getting pretty long so rip

[girlwithwolftatoo]

If you’re still accepting requests (I’m sorry if you’re not, you can totally ignore this):

Hw would the moon boys react with a reader whose love language is cooking and baking? Like, on a random day, their partner just starts making them all sorts of dishes and pastries for them to take to work, leaving little love notes with it.

Ihate cooking/baking, but the moment I’m in love I suddenly become a three Michelin star chef. 😂

*Undusts herself and looks around* Oh my gods, sorry about the HUGE delay! But here it is, I had a sudden idea while investigating about Hannukah (I hope I wrote it right) so... Marc Spector:

*Marc has some issues with the linking between food + love, we know why (coughcoughchapterfivefromseriescough). When you make him breakfast or he takes care of a meal for you, he perceives it as a simple couple task.

*So, why are you suddenly preparing such special dishes? If it happens you're not from the Jewish community, you begin to make traditional sweets or even whole meals, and you always seem expectating when practically dragging Marc to the table so he can "point" your cooking skills.

*It takes Marc some time to understand the reason behind your extra effort, and once he does... well, he's ready to swear to the whole Ennead he'll love and devote his life to yours until the end of this universe.

*He's not very picky with food, remember he was a marine and later a mercenary. To his eyes, whatever you do looks like a three-course banquet, and it overwhelms him in a special way.

*Marc is more into normal meals than comfort food, but will never say no when you ask him to try a just baked cupcakes or a natural fruit parfait. It's sweet, he thinks, but never sweeter than you.

Steven Grant:

*This man NEEDS someone to fill his stomach, like, ASAP. And I don't mean it because he's a vegan, but because we know he tends to forget to feed himself properly, like... almost every other esencial self-care tasks.

*The first time you prepare the breakfast for him, he disolves himself in compliments and kind words to you. Of course, he'll try to be fair and make meals for you too, so it's pretty usual that, when he invites you to stay in his place, he spends like three hours watching a tutorial to make a very fancy pasta and other things (specially if you're omnivore).

*One day, you show up to his work with a cute lunch that resembles a lot the kawaii meals you can see in the internet. Another day, you bring cookies you baked. And another day, you ask him if he's interested in some banana bread (and he better says yes because you've already cooked it).

*You could ask Steven to munch on a shoe and he'll do it happily. He loves everything you cook and bake for him and eats it like if it was the last meal on Earth. He looks almost like a little boy, his eyes reflect all the good feelings he has when you feed him.

*Of course he has his favourites, perhaps some specific cookies or, if it's summertime and you're up to, a sorbet flavor, but he's always up to experiment with whatever you have in mind.

Jake Lockley:

*Jake has an oposite vision about food than Marc. For him, if someone takes their time to cook or bake something, without being paid for that, it means they love the person they're cooking for with all their heart.

*So, try to picture what runs through his mind the first time you invite him to eat something you prepared in your apartment. He'll finish with the whole portions if you allow him.

*You know he's the most eccentric of the Moon boys, even more than Steven, so baking desserts is the right way to keep yourself into his heart (but, honestly, even if you handed him a bowl of cereal with fruit he'd still follow you like a loyal dog). Donuts and muffins are his favorites, and you don't have problems in spending some extra money to get the tools and ingredients for some decorations like whipping cream and royal ice.

*And ohh if this man doesn't love the cute messages you put along with his brand new box of bread. A little secret: he keeps all the notes you include in his meals, sticking them together with tape so they don't break and he can keep them like other people do with photos in their wallets.

*He's not affraid to ask you for certain things, if you tell him you want to try another thing (a cake, per example), he'll offer all of his support. And, in the case you fail a recipe, he'll be there to hug you and remind you that, for him, you're the best person in the world and you make him happy with or without food.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

FAQ

Hi guys! Sometimes I get repeat questions so I thought I'd make this FAQ post. I think I've covered everything. If you think of anything else that needs to be added, please let me know! <3

What is WIP Wednesday? It's a little game I started doing because of Ash, aka jtl-fics. It’s sort of a way to motivate me to write. And this way I’m able to release tiny little installments each week instead of having to finish whole chapters before I post. It's been so helpful. I've written more since last August than I had in years.

Okay, cool. So, how does WIPW work? When Wednesday rolls around, wait for my WIPW post to appear on your dash then you can send me an ask with your request. After I get done writing, I'll answer your ask with a snippet. :)

Please note: ~ I only take WIPW asks on Wednesdays, hence the name. ~ My ask box button will say either ‘wipw open 🔓’ or 'wipw closed 🔒’. Please do not send asks after it’s closed. ~ I do not answer asks in order anymore. I answer all of one AU’s requests, then move through the rest until I’m done. ~ The length of the snippets varies, based on how the POV changes or how the scenes fall. It also depends on my mental health. ~ Please be patient with me. I’m just a little guy. ≽^•⩊•^≼

What fics do you work on for WIPW? I have six ongoing projects to choose from, they're listed on my pinned post.

Can I send more than one request on WIPW? Please don't, unless I've said otherwise! Getting too many asks stresses me out and if I allow one person to send multiple, I have to let everyone. So, just pick your favorite please! Someone else will ask for the others.

Are your WIPs ever going to be on AO3? Yes! When they're closer to being finished I plan to tidy them up— make minor edits, check for continuity problems, grammar, etc— and post them to AO3! This won't be happening for a long while, so please feel free to go ahead and read them here if you're interested. :)

How do I read your AUs in order? Each of my AUs has a 'masterpost', a post where I link to each and every piece ever written. You can use it to click through and read each piece in order. Alternatively, if you're brand new to my fics you can click the link on the masterpost for a chronological view of the AU's tag! :)

Can I reblog WIPW posts? Absolutely! It makes me really happy when you do!

How can I leave comments on WIPW stuff? You can reblog a post and put comments in the tags, reply to the post, or send me an ask with questions or comments about my AUs! Though I might not answer every comment I receive, I appreciate them all so much. Y'all don't even know.

Do you like fanart? Yes. I love it. I adore it. I will give you my firstborn child. You don't even understand. I've received fan art from three or four people and I still think about them every single day. That being said, if you do make fan art please tag me in the post (@/stabbyfoxandrew) or send me an ask/ message with the link so I can see! 🥺 I'll also link your art in the masterposts so everyone else can find it! <3

Okay, okay. That's all great but do you have any finished fics? Yep! There's several oneshots on my AO3! :3

When are you going to update cosmic lost and found?! I don't know. TwT It got so popular (to me) so quick and I got freaked out and I haven't worked on it in ages. I'm sorry. :( I have the fic planned out, through to the end. But working on it is so hard for some reason. I shouldn't have decided to rewrite canon. :')

Can you tell me about your OCs? Yes. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm dying to tell you about them. If you'd like to know anything about my OCs please, please, please send me an ask! I love talking about them but I'm so afraid of getting on peoples' nerves. :')

Why are you taking so long to answer my ask? Because I'm just a little guy and sometimes I don't have the energy to reply right away. TwT

Can we be friends? Maybe! :) If we're mutuals and you'd like to talk to me, please feel free to send me a message. I must warn you, I'm a lot more awkward in messages than I am in my askbox. I don't know why. I'm sorry. TwT

Do you write for any other fandoms? Not at the moment. (RIP to my klance fics.)

Do you have fic recs? Possibly! It depends on if I've been reading much. You can always ask. I might have to tell you no though. :')

Do you allow translations of your fics? No.

What about podfics? Yes.

Is your name really Aerie, you know that's a clothing brand and also means bird nest? Yes. I thought I made it up when I was like 13/14. Was very distraught when I found out that wasn't true. :') But yeah. Aerie is my name and I love it.

Who's Jess? My younger sibling.

Who's Rascal? My very old cocker spaniel and the best boy ever. :3

...What's wrong with you? Oh. Many things. Some of them probably don't even have names yet.

Thanks for reading my FAQ, if you still have a question please feel free to ask! <3 aerie

[just-barrow]

day 9 of @almost-a-class-act's War Is Helloween prompts!

SAS: Rogue Heroes - Bill Fraser & Mike Sadler

Character A has just moved in and it's Character B's turn to tell the new neighbour the neighbourhood's dark secret…

It was his first day in this house. His house. Life finally seemed to be going Bill's way. 

He had just finished putting away the last of his clothes in his brand new wardrobe when the doorbell rang. 

He wiped a hand across his brow. He didn't have anyone to help him move to his new place, so he had been lugging around boxes all day by himself. He was sure he looked a mess as he  walked into the hallway and opened his front door.

Before him stood a man with an undeniable air of confidence about him, his hair and clothes casually disheveled in a way that made Bill sure it was intentional. 

"Hello there. I'm your new neighbor, Mike," he introduced himself with a little wave. "Or, actually, you're the new neighbor, I suppose." His grin was effortlessly charming.

Bill returned a small smile. "Bill. Hi."

"You settling in alright?"

"Yes, thank you. Got almost everything unpacked."

"Good, that's good." Mike cast a look down the quiet street, as if he was expecting someone to appear. Dusk was creeping up on them.

Something about his tone and demeanor was off. Bill eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you here?"

Mike, realizing it was no use to make smalltalk, pressed on. "So. Just some advice about this place. You can't go outside after dark."

Bill did a double take. "I…what?"

"Don't go outside after dark." His tone had gone serious, a worried crease appearing in his forehead. "There's something ancient out there."

"Are you taking the piss?"

Mike's tone turned a little more stern. "I'm serious, this is important. Stay in your house and don't let it see you. Some very lucky people have managed to escape, but most who try to go out at night disappear without a trace."

Fear was starting to prickle along Bill's skin. It sounded ridiculous, but Mike seemed genuinely on edge, looking behind himself every time something rustled amongst the trees.

"Did the estate agent tell you what happened to the previous occupants?"

Swallowing thickly, Bill shook his head. He had wondered why he seemed so eager to sell, and for a great prize, too. He thought that maybe he had just gotten lucky for once in his life. He should have known. 

"That's because no one knows," Mike said. "They took the risk, and they vanished."

Bill felt cold all over. 

"Look, I'm sorry to have to tell you this." Mike looked apologetic. "It sucks, but you learn to live with it."

It was starting to get dark now, and with a final warning to keep his curtains closed and a hurried goodbye Mike jogged back to his house.

After he had closed the door, Bill walked over to the back window. He opened the curtains, just a little bit, and tried to focus on the woods behind his house. Mike had seemed scared of the trees. The wind whispered faintly through the treetops as darkness descended. For a moment, he felt relief; there was nothing there. This was all just a stupid prank.

But then he saw something move. It stalked behind the trees, slowly, threateningly. Glowing eyes suddenly turned towards Bill and looked directly at him. 

Bill sensed it throughout his entire body, a terror so visceral that he almost vomited on the spot–it was ancient, just like Mike had said, and it was hungry.

And now it had seen him.

[dingertdongert]

Chapter 4

You put on a forced smile "Happy Valentine's" you murmured to what seemed to be the millionth teenage couple of the day. You watched as they shared a shy glance and blushed, before picking up their carrier bag and walked away.

'Well at least someone here is happy' Steven piped up from behind you.

'Tell me about it, I personally don't see the romance behind mummified bodies and jarred organs, but to each their own'.

Steven stared at you in obvious offence 'I expected better than you to generalise Ancient Egyptian culture like that'. You couldn't help but laugh in response. 'Steven you know I didn't mean to upset you'.

'No, I know, it's just- it's just annoying, they're so much more than that'. You leaned on the counter, making yourself comfortable for another one of Steven's ever-interesting info dumps.

'You know Hathor, goddess of love, among many other things. She was married to Horus, and every year they would carry a statue down the river to reunite with him. After that, they'd have a whole festival celebrating their love- the Festival of the Beautiful Reunion'. He glanced to make sure he wasn't boring you, and you gave him a quick nod to continue.

'People would pray for her to make their lovers appear, and she was the goddess who had the most temples throughout ancient Egypt. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that love was really important to them'. You nodded whilst fiddling with the Hathor chocolates in front of you.

You changed the subject, 'Why did we get so many of these for such a limited time, do you think we can take them home?'

'Are you a sweet person?'

'Oh Steven, I'm upset you'd even have to ask, you think I'm bitter?' you teased. 'No, no I-I just mean-' he desperately stammered

'No I know what you mean, don't worry. To be honest I would say I'm more of a savoury person, but there's just something about chocolate. I don't know, it's just satisfying'.

'Ah well I'm glad you've said that' Steven murmured. He lent under the desk and fiddled around inside of his satchel, pulling out a pink heart-shaped box. 'Happy mutual Valentine's day' he said, with emphasis on the mutual.

'Oh my god, Steven, you didn't actually-'

'Yeah well, we agreed. Just trying to make the day less depressing for us both' he shrugged. He pulled the lid off, helping himself to a pink sprinkle topped chunk before sliding the box over to you. 'They're not different flavours, so don't worry about that' he said whilst chewing.

You popped one in your mouth and started to eat, 'Mmm, these are pretty good' you said, covering your mouth. 'Yeah, this brand does the best vegan chocolate as far as I'm aware'.

You stood in silence together, making your way through the box of chocolates. You both watched all the couples walk through the door hand in hand, one after the other. All of them shared similar smiles, giggles and blushes, and occasionally you'd hear the sound of a gentle kiss. It took everything in you to not roll your eyes almost every time.

You walked out together at the end of your shift, shoulder to shoulder, and you turned to talk to him once you were out in the fresh open air. 'Hey so uh- thanks for the chocolates, that was really nice of you'.

'Don't mention it, bit offended I didn't get anything though'

You laughed shyly and glanced away from him 'Yeah sorry about that, I'll make it up to you'

'Oh yeah?'

You took your time to respond, thinking of the best way to say what was coming out of your mouth next.

'Well, we haven't hung out outside of work once. How about we change that? After all, we're friends now. There's a cool American-themed bar close to me, I'll pay for drinks' you hesitantly offered.

'Huh, well-'

'If you don't I understand. I know drinks and whatnot aren't really you're kind of thing, just thought it would be fun'.

'No I would like to. No one's ever wanted to hang out with me before, or at least asked' he murmured sadly, looking down at the ground, hands twisting his satchel strap. 'Well I'm happy to be the first' you said, giving him a reassuring pat on the arm. 'How about next Saturday?' you suggested and he nodded in return. 'Great, well I'll see you then, and before that, I'll see you in there' and you gestured at the big doors behind the two of you.

[shizuokadivision]

Kyoko sure had a lot of confidence wandering up to Kanons lab like this. Though everyone in Miyazaki liked to think that they were on fairly decent terms with Silent Tragedy.

“Kanon-san! We got you some stuff!” Rinko was the one to call it out first.

“Though this last edition was a bit- unintentional” Kyoko giggles evilly

From Himari you received a massive box of sweets: Candies of different varieties, chocolates of all different types…it’s sure to make anyone’s mouth water. There’s also another box with a brand new white lab coat with Kanon’s name stitched into the front of it.

From Rinko you received a record: Months in advance she had this made- it was a bunch of classical music that she personally covered as well as a few of her own songs. The cover that contained the record was signed by Rinko herself.

“Your the only person who owns this specific copy” Rinko admits

From Kyoko you received a huge cake: Somewhat similar to the one you gave Himari for her birthday!

“I heard from sis that you don’t see the point in birthday’s but we couldn’t help but get some gifts together- however Himari and I are sorry this next gift is a little bit…busted”

Himari seems to be carrying a large- human shaped bag?! Apparently she managed to fit a grown man in a bag normally reserved for dresses!

“I’ve gotten everything i need from him- his money is already going to the charity that sis runs” she snickers “He HATES charities that help women- but that’s besides the fact! I figured you could get more use out of him than I could- i hope he makes a good test subject!”

“Sorry his jaws broken- he came after Kyoko and I couldn’t help myself” Himari shrugs

Kanon sighed in irritation at the sound of the alarm signaling that someone had stepped onto her property, upon checking the security cameras, and seeing that the ladies from  Miyazaki were there, she was quick to turn off her more dangerous security measures. Kanon paused her latest work on her project and made her way to the entrance of her lab.

“I take it your here because it's my birthday?” Kanon asked and sighed again when they held out their gifts.  “Fine, what did you get me?”

Even if she didn't show it outwardly Himari’s gift was one she greatly appreciated. It was sure to last her for a while at least. Chocolate was one of the few things left that she was still able to stomach. The lab coat was a nice gift as well god knows how many times Kanon has destroyed her other coats during her experiments. She mentally made a note not to damage it too much at least.

Kanon had always been a fan of Rinko’s work so she knew that her gift would be playing on repeat for the next few days. Anything to drown out the voices that constantly tormented her. The fact that Rinko had personally recorded it for her made Kanon feel a bit happy on the inside. 

The moment Kanon saw Kyoko’s cake she knew that she would have to hide it because Reika and Sakura would have a conniption if they knew how much sugar she was gonna eat. At least she was eating something that was becoming harder and harder for her to do with every passing day.

Kanon couldn't help the mad laughter that came out of her mouth when she saw Miyazaki’s final gift for her. Oh yes, she now remembered why Miyazaki was one of the few divisions she liked. She had been just about to call Sakura to see if she had anybody but with Miyazaki’s thoughtful gift it looked like she wouldn’t need to.

“HAHAHA! Why aren't you girls so thoughtful? Don't worry you three he’s in good hands with me. HAHAHA!”

[dexters-bluemilkshakes]

star wars valentine’s day <3

(i’m rlly sorry this was supposed to include han and leia too but i got very tired and then ran out of time)

Padmé and anakin: Anakin was only home for one valentines day with padmé. The other ones, rest assured, were rife with hearts, just human ones that were beating outside of chests and white armor as skin was shredded. Better than the ones that stopped beating. 

He honestly??? Was so so lost. He realized only a few days before that he would probably be home for valentines day, assuming he wasn’t called away only a day before like the prior year. He scrambled to a store, but all the chocolates were sold out and the 3 credit roses were wilted. Eventually he arrived at her door out of breath, his hair ruffled from exasperated hands, clutching a bouquet of dandelions he found sprouting between cracks in bricks of some apartment building. When he pictured spending the night with his wife, he had imagined fancy sparkly alcohol and in one hand, a pile of chocolate boxes up to his shoulder and a bouquet larger than her door frame in the other. He wanted to give her everything, anything, but all he had was a pretty rock he found two days prior on the tour he had just returned from and this fresh but underwhelming bouquet. 

He was silly to think padmé needed anything less. She had him, after all. 

The disaster trio: (disclaimer: if you take either of these in a shipping way im going to block you. My dad sends me flowers every year. My mom sends my brother and me a box of chocolate hearts. Let anakin get his little sister a gift. Let obi wan and anakin be brothers. anyways.)

It was a total coincidence that anakin HAPPENED to buy a little box of chocolates a few days before valentines day. A heart? Whats that! He doesn’t know what that is. He just likes those chocolates more than other brands and it happens to be small and cheap and who cares that it comes with a little stuffed loth-cat in ahsoka’s favorite color? He didn’t notice, and neither should you. It was a coincidence, yes siree. 

The first year in their apprenticeship, she wasn’t expecting it. Actually, neither was anakin. They had just come back from a particularly long campaign and he was picking up electrolyte water-adage packets from a drug store because ahsoka was incredibly dehydrated from days of fighting under a merciless sun. He saw them in the store, and he realized Valentines day was coming up, and he just impulse bought it mostly for the plushie but also because he couldn’t remember the last time he saw ahsoka smile. 

They didn’t have valentines day on tatooine. He and padmé rarely celebrate more than a clip-art cartoon mutually sent through an encrypted message portal. Anakin had only been home-with padmé- for valentines day once. 

They certainly didn’t have valentines day a the temple. It was the definition of indulgent spending on a loved one. Any argument he could make about how relationships and attachment can be separate and that there is an amount implied to be permissible by the order falls outside of valentines day celebrations. Hence, he and obi wan didn’t ever do anything fun like he found out some schoolroom classes do on the holiday. He didn’t think obi wan acknowledged the holiday until looking back from the inside of a metal black suit and realizing that while he was obiwan’s padawan he never had to do boring drills. Instead obi wan took him to Dex’s after a hard day of “mediating walks” in the room of a thousand fountains. After anakin became a knight, obi-wan would always make him a cup of tea to banish the chill of the temple on the winter day. While reflecting, anakin realized he couldn’t quite recall the taste.   

Kanan and hera: now. They deny to everyone who asks that they celebrate. They are fighting a rebellion. Its important. They don't have time for frivolous things such as-

Oh never mind he managed to find her a meiloorun despite the galactic shortage. 

She glares at him in the way that hera glares when shes mad but not really. She takes it, gently, like its worth its weight in gold (its probably worth more), and pretends she doesn’t recall all the times kanan said he wasn’t hungry or still had plenty of toothpaste left so he could afford it. 

Kanan was a jedi. He told her he didn’t need gifts or fancy food, but some quiet time (and then when they adopted the kids-yes zeb is a kid- some time alone) would be nice. He just wanted her. He always did, he told her. he just didn’t have many opportunities to say it. 

She flew him to the best sunsets and to the shiniest stars, trying to make him laugh with increasingly frightening flying maneuvers, while he worried about the fruit bruising in the back of the ghost. 

Hera, with all her talent and wit, did not notice that even with the most famed sunrises reflecting in her eyes, kanan’s were only on her. 

The ghost KIDS however: Oh. oh they are menaces on valentines day. 1) they tease kanan and hera. Relentlessly. 2) chopper steals everyone’s candy. No he cannot eat it. Yes he gives it back to them. He used to just hide them for a few hours to be Chopper ™. Then he would give them to AP-5 to catalog. He had been getting bored of weapons of all the same shade of gray. His old friend was happy to see some new colors. 

3) sabine doesn’t make people valentines, but she does help kanan make a card for hera. Ezra insisted on getting kanan and hera a card, and made zeb sign in. Sabine stole the card and drew ezra climbing on zebs shoulders while chopper was trying to shock him. “Thanks for putting up with them so i don’t have to” is what she captioned it, and it was the closest she would get to making something mushy. 

4) kanan gets sabine a flower every year. He leaves it in her room when shes not there. Everyone knows not to mention it and sabine pretiends it doesn’t exist, but even ezra notices that she gets a little blue when it finally dies. 

5) zeb is the most awkward because. What. is this. He thinks candy hearts are blasphemous and chocolates are dumb but then chopper chucks a box of those honeycomb snacks that he likes at his head and he finds it a little harder to grumble than he did years before. 

6) ezra’s mom used to make him a goodie bag of chocolates and candy every year. He pretended not to miss it; he had other things on his mind.

No one on the ship could afford chocolate, but hera gave ezra a long long hug and he found that he didn’t feel as sad anymore. 

[literaticat]

How can a debut author determine if their (big 5) publisher considers them a lead title or mid-list? Is it only based on advance? What differences in the experience at various parts of the process signal where your book fits in their overall plan?

Oof, how I wish upon all the stars that I had never answered a question with the phrases "lead title" or "mid-list" in it. Talk about a can of worms, FML. OK. Sorry this is long, in advance.

First, let's remove the words "mid-list" from this discussion for a minute, because actually, though the questions I answered last week (or whenever it was, what even is time) used that phrase, IMO "mid-list" is not a thing for brand-new/not-yet-out books, really, and I am pretty sure I have never heard a publisher refer to them this way before the books are even out, it's more a word describing sales performance over time.

(It's like how you wouldn't call a newborn baby "advanced for his age" or "middle-of-the-road, growth-wise" -- he's barely got his eyes open, don't start giving him performance evaluations!)

So. ALL new books are frontlist, and they all have a certain amount of marketing done for them. A few will be "lead titles" (if that particular publisher uses that terminology) - likely titles that the publisher went hog wild on and paid an enormous advance, and they now have to recoup that advance by selling A LOT of books, so they have a large inventory of them. You'll know if your book is getting "lead title treatment" if a) you got a huge advance, and/or b) your book gets EXTRA things. Like, a billboard of your book in Times Square, or you are sent on an extravagant multi-city tour (back when we did tours, anyway) and they are booking fancy dinners for booksellers in your honor. Like - it'd be kind of obvious, and you'll probably go "oh! I wasn't expecting that!" (Unless you generally just have super high expectations lol).

How do they decide? Well, they are making an educated guess about which books are likely to resonate with the highest number of readers. Either because of recognition factor of the author, or because the premise or writing or whatever is SO compelling and highly commercial or timely that they feel like it could be a huge hit. (Are they always right? No.)

Some of the lead titles AND some of the "regular" frontlist titles end up getting great reviews, attention, awards, or whatever, and will really perform well. Some will do just fine. Some will tank, probably.

AFTER the season is over -- all frontlist titles become backlist titles. This is not negative in the least -- backlist just means, it's from a previous season. "Mid-list" is the word for the ones that are doing fine -- maybe not ginormous hits, but steady sales, finding an audience, doing what they are supposed to do. That's not a bad thing!

Think about it like a catalogue you are shopping from. Remember catalogues? Like the paper kind that you used to get in the mail (if you are old)? That's what you are imagining here. Because yes, even though lots of things are digital nowadays, in the book industry we are talking in literal catalogue terms, because yes, this is a business where publishers are selling objects to shops -- sales reps still go around and talk to the store owners and show them their wares with wheelie suitcases and everything. Really! Very olden-days like (though in recent times, perhaps conducted over zoom!). Anyway -- so you have this catalogue, right? Let's not say they are books - in this case it's a catalogue full of widgets.

The front part of the catalogue is brand new stuff. (Frontlist!) Frontlist are ALLLLLL the brand new widgets. All of them. Every new widget this season is "Frontlist" and they are all being promoted.

Some of the widgets, you'll notice, get a little bit of extra zazz in the catalogue - maybe they are in a highlighted box, or have their own page with certain features noted, maybe there is a special deal on them, or something. These are items that the company wants to make VERY sure you notice, because they probably have a lot of inventory. These are lead titles. (Err... lead WIDGETS, that is). There aren't that many of them, because it would be foolish to have extra highlights on *everything*, or they wouldn't stand out. Now mind you, the rest of the front list widgets are also terrific, and are also showcased in the catalogue, they are also important -- those "lead widgets" are just ones that the company has decided a lot of people will be drawn to, and as such they have a lot of inventory of those widgets, and so they are pointing them out because they need to move those widgets!

After the glossy pages of front list, you probably will come across some black and white pages of "backlist" -- these titles are not bad, or less-than, or anything else -- they just aren't new. These are previous season's widgets, which are still for sale. Widget companies rely on a robust backlist to survive, quite honestly, and the bulk of income for them and royalties for widgeteers come from strong backlist titles. If we say something will "backlist well", that means we suspect that it will continue selling steadily for many years to come -- which is a GREAT thing. Within the backlist, you probably have a few widgets that were bestsellers and continue to be -- and a few widgets that you have definitely never heard of and might be about to go out of production. But the majority of them, ideally, are good, sturdy, "mid-list" widgets.

"MID-LIST" IS NOT A BAD THING, even if some jerky people make it SOUND bad. It's a neutral-to-good thing. It just means NORMAL. Reasonably successful, steady, normal widgets that have done exactly what they were supposed to do, turned a profit for the widget factory, pleased a lot of widget-buyers, etc, and those widgeteers will be able to go on making widgets in the future.

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 8

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG13

Warnings: none

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous → Part 7

Next → Part 9

Feeling a body shift beside you, you slowly began to wake from your deep, dreamless sleep. With thin rays of sunlight shining through the crack between the curtains, you let a content, sleepy smile toy at the corners of your lips as you rolled over in Keishin's arms and came face to face with his sleeping form.

It had been over a week since you had started staying with Keishin and even though waking up beside someone every morning definitely took some getting used to, you were a little surprised by just how quickly it was beginning to feel normal. Not only that, but you never slept better than you did in Keishin's bed with his warm, calming presence beside you and strong, protective arm draped over your waist.

Eyes closed and lips slightly parted, Keishin was fast asleep. His chest rose and fell rhythmically and at some point during the night, just like every other night, his hair—which wasn't tamed by the headband while he slept—had gotten all messed up and a few strands had fallen into his face.

Whenever you woke up before him, you would always take the chance to just look at him. While he slept, he seemed completely and utterly at peace—no longer burdened by the stress of coaching volleyball, working at the store, and no doubt whatever extra problems you had brought into his life. You thought back to the time you had watched him sleeping on the couch in the back room and sighed happily; the thought of how much things had changed in such a short period of time truly putting things into perspective.

Unable to keep your hands to yourself any longer, you reached out slowly and brushed the loose strands of hair out of his face and tucked them behind his ear—the same way you had done when you two had first had sex and the same way you had done countless times since.

Keishin could sleep through a thunderstorm or the sound of you calling out his name, but as soon as he felt your fingertips graze against his cheek, his eyes fluttered open. Upon noticing he was awake, you made your touch more prominent and caressed his face.

"Good morning," you whispered, unwilling to raise your voice any more than that and ruin the soft ambiance of the early morning.

Keishin leaned into your touch and smiled softly. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," you answered as you ran your thumb along his bottom lip, internally debating if you should ambush him with kisses now or wait until he had woken up a little more first. Chuckling to yourself over your own thoughts, you caught yourself staring at his lips and directed your gaze back to his eyes. "I'm just looking at you."

Keishin scoffed as he pressed a gentle kiss to your thumb. "Why?"

"Because you look so beautiful when you're asleep," you told him matter-of-factly. "Not that you don't always look beautiful," you added quickly before he could make some sort of sarcastic comment.

Keishin rolled his eyes before pulling you flush against his chest and kissing you. "You're such a sap, you know that?"

You laughed. "First, I'm dramatic. Now I'm a sap. What's next?"

"I have no idea." Keishin shrugged the best he could while lying down. "What I do know, however," he glanced at the clock, "is that we need to get up and get ready."

Following Keishin's gaze to the time, you huffed sadly when you noticed there were only five minutes left until your alarm would go off, forcing you to get ready to open the store. "Can't we just stay in bed all day?" you asked, hoping you could convince him to stay under the covers with you.

"Not unless we want to go broke and end up living under a bridge together."

You chuckled as Keishin crawled out of bed, the temptation of slapping his ass gently when he stood up almost too much but you managed to control yourself. "Together?" You grinned. "You'd stay with me even if we were both dirt poor?"

Keishin rolled his eyes playfully at your takeaway from his statement. "Of course." He collected his clothes before making his way around to your side of the bed and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "But I think I like plumbing and heating too much to give them up, so let's shower and get ready."

Sitting up in bed, you cocked an eyebrow. "You want to shower together?"

Keishin flashed a devilish smirk as he headed for the bathroom. "Purely for the purpose of saving water." He disappeared into the bathroom and seconds later his boxers flew out and landed on the floor, indicating he was completely nude. "But if you hate the planet, then I guess that's on you."

Your cheeks flushed red but nevertheless, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and began removing your clothes as you approached the bathroom. "Sure," you laughed as you closed the bathroom door behind yourself and let your eyes wander over Keishin's wet, naked body as he stood under the steaming water. "If it's for the planet, how could I possibly say no?"

20 minutes of passionate kissing and soapy hands exploring every inch of each other's body later, the two of you towelled off and finished getting ready before sitting down for a quick breakfast together.

"So the volleyball team has a game today, right?" you asked Keishin as you poured milk into your bowl of cereal. Keishin nodded. "What time do you think you will be home?"

Keishin thought for a moment before answering. "Probably around six or seven tonight. The game is right after school so it shouldn't run too late."

"Okay." You sat down across from him at the table. "Should we get dinner after I close up the shop?"

Keishin nodded again. "Sounds like a plan."

With a few more bites of his breakfast, Keishin was setting his dishes in the sink, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head, and rushing down the stairs and out of the building to start his day.

As you listened to his footsteps stomp down the stairs, followed by the sound of the back door opening and closing to indicate that he had left, you sighed to yourself and sat back in your chair. It was then that you took a minute to think about everything; your job, your boyfriend, your living arrangements, your tattered relationship with your parents. In the span of a few months, your life had completely turned upside down, but that wasn't the part that freaked you out the most.

What really got you thinking was the fact that, even though your life had done a complete 180, you had never been happier; which led to the constant internal questioning about if you had ever really been happy before you had met Keishin at all, or if this was just a different kind of happy—a happy that only a stable, supportive significant other could provide.

Before you had the chance to get lost in your thoughts, you snapped out of it, finished your breakfast, and headed downstairs to open the shop and begin your day.

As usual, you dealt with the typical morning rush of people stopping in to grab a coffee or other various food items on their way to work or school. Once the mid-morning slump hit and the customer traffic went way down, you took the time to do some routine cleaning and inventory. By now, you were like a well-oiled machine when it came to the daily task of running the store.

Around noon, as you were finishing up stocking some shelves, the front door opened and a very well-dressed man strolled into the store. "Hello," you greeted him, standing from where you were kneeling in front of the shelves and dusting off your pants.

The man gave you a once over, eyeing you from head to toe. Without so much as an acknowledging nod, he brushed past you and toward the full-length fridges at the back.

Assuming the man just wasn't in a chatty mood, you took the empty boxes to the storage room. When you exited, the man was already standing at the front counter, impatiently tapping his foot while he held two bottles of water in his hands.

"Sorry for the wait," you apologized. "Just the waters today?"

The man just nodded and let out a grunt.

Trying not to take his dismissive attitude too seriously, you rang up his purchases and gave him the total. Instead of pulling out his wallet, however, he just gave you a dirty look.

"That's a little expensive for two bottles of water, don't you think?" he retorted.

You didn't know what to say to that, so you shrugged. "I'm sorry, I don't make the prices, sir," you told him. "I just work here."

Huffing loudly, the man fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out some bills before tossing them haphazardly onto the counter. "Fine. Don't forget my change."

Before you could open the cash register, the front doors opened again and a woman dressed in a beautiful dress with her hair done up elegantly walked in and stopped beside the man before you. "Have you paid yet?" she asked the man, who was either her boyfriend or husband based on the way she was hanging off of his arm. "I just realized I'm out of cigarettes."

"I'm just paying now," he told her, his face softer than you had seen it yet before he turned back to you and asked for the brand of cigarettes that his partner smoked.

Spinning around, you felt your stomach twist at the sight of the empty dispenser of cigarettes, meaning that you were out of the brand he had requested. Of course, the delivery for that day hadn't come in yet, making your job even harder right now.

Plastering the warmest smile on your face that you could muster, you turned back to the couple. "I apologize, but we are all out of that brand. Can I get you something else?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "No, everything else tastes like garbage."

"I see." You stepped back up to the cash register. "So just the waters then?"

The man nodded. "I guess so if your shitty little store doesn't even stock up on popular brands of cigarettes." He watched you intently as you opened the register and counted his change. "I knew we should have stopped somewhere other than this hole in the wall."

As much as you so desperately wanted to rip this man and his spoiled girlfriend a new one, you bit your tongue instead and grinned as you handed him back his change. "Here you are." You dropped the coins into his outstretched hand. "Have a wonderful day."

Neither one of them said anything in response as they turned on their heels and marched out of the store, noses turned up at everything around them. As you watched them get into their fancy car and speed away, you wondered if they treated everyone like that or just lowly corner store workers like yourself.

Trying to let the incident slide off of you like water off of a duck's back, you returned to the remaining tasks on your to-do list and tried to forget all about being treated like a second-class citizen.

As the day turned to late afternoon and the after-school and after-work rush hit, you had found your way back into your groove again.

An hour or so before closing time, and roughly around the time Keishin would be returning, you heard a pair of heels clacking against the tile floor and stood up front behind the counter only to come face-to-face with your mother. Dressed in a pencil skirt and blouse, it was obvious she had just come from work, but your attention was more focused on the envelope she was holding out to you.

"This came for you the other day." She didn't even bother with a simple greeting even though it had been weeks since you had seen or spoken to her or your father.

"Oh, okay." You reached out and took the envelope from her. Turning it over, you felt your heart jump into your throat when you read that it was from the University of Tokyo.

You looked up at your mother expectantly but she waved you off. "Don't ask me what it says, I didn't open it," she said, folding her arms across her chest. "Why didn't you tell your father and me that you applied to the University of Tokyo? It's a very good school."

"Because I didn't do it for you," you said as you tucked the envelope into your back pocket. "And I certainly didn't do it to go to law school or anything you guys would approve of."

Your mother narrowed her eyes at you. "Then why did you do it?"

"To play soccer," you answered, your mind immediately going to the conversation you had had with Keishin while taking inventory together. "And because I told someone I would."

Your mother eyed you for a minute more, waiting to see if you would reach for the envelope again to open it. When you made no indication of sharing your application results with her, she hummed softly. "Well, whatever that letter says, you should take some time to seriously consider what your next step is going to be." She turned to leave but stopped halfway to the door and looked at you over her shoulder. "It's not too late to make the right choice. Think carefully before you throw your life away."

With that, your mother exited the store, leaving you with a mixed slurry of emotions and no clue how to deal with any of them.

Pulling the envelope out of your back pocket, you set it down on the counter in front of you and stared at it. Whatever was printed on the single piece of paper inside would set a course for your future . . . although you were unsure if you even still wanted the future that this piece of paper could give you.

All you wanted was to be happy, and all you knew was that Keishin gave you that.

Anything more felt like asking for too much.

Anything more felt like a gamble that wasn't worth the risk.

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[babeyvenus]

The Wolf Among us

Bigby x OC

Summary: Sonya Blaze, A.K.A. Hell Rider, is a half fable, half mundy girl who comes to Fabletown to learn more about her side of the folktales. She works alongside Sheriff Bigby Wolf's as his newest partner and together they strive to find out who's behind the unexpected murders in Fabletown.

TW: Mentions of death, gore/blood, alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex implications, suicide, guns and ofc language.

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Chapter 15: The Confrontation

Once the cab stopped, finally arriving at their destination, Bigby woke up and gently shook Sonya awake.

She mumbles and rubs the sleep out of her eyes as he opens the door and climbs out of the cab with her following behind. Bigby stops to light a cigarette, and Sonya looks at it with an eyebrow raised. She never understood why he needed one every 5 minutes.

They enter the empty looking shop, curiously looking around. Bigby huffed out a puff of smoke when he noticed a sign that said No smoking. He rolled his eyes, taking another drag before squashing it under his foot. The front of the shop was pretty small. A machine that held drinks was almost practically empty.

There was also the cooling unit that displays the different types of meat but each slab of meat was practically covered in ice. Bigby walks up to the counter door and was about to open it, until the door that leads to the back of the shop opens, revealing a balding man.

His expression faltered into a look of fear once he saw Bigby. “Bigby Wolf?”, he asked and glanced over at Sonya. “You must be the new deputy. What happened to you two?”, he asked, scanning their disheveled state.

“We’re looking for a piece of the Magic Mirror.”, Bigby said, walking to the counter towards the butcher. “Um… wh–what?”, the butcher stuttered. “The Magic Mirror’s missing shard! Where is it?!”, Bigby growled out. 

“Bloody Mary brought it here, didn’t she?”, Sonya asked, looking behind him. "What? B-Bloody Mary? Magic Mirror shard? Wh–what kind of place do you two think this is?”, Johann asked, chuckling nervously. “Don’t give us that bullshit.”, Bigby sneered.

“I’m not. What you’re looking for, I-I think you two’d be better off looking at, uh….the Lucky Pawn. Yeah, or some place like that.”, Johann nodded.

"Listen to me and listen fucking carefully. We know Bloody Mary hangs around here. So you need to start fucking cooperating right now!”, Bigby yelled.

“I-I am.”, Johann said.

“We already went to visit Jersey. He wasn't all that cooperative until we had to get a little...persuasive.”, Sonya told him.

“I’m cooperating. I swear.”, Johann cries. “Anyway, if I’d known you two already looked at the Lucky Pawn, I-I wouldn’t have pointed you there. I-I just figured anything worth a damn in Fabletown goes through Jersey’s hands at some point. You guys know that. Believe me, I don’t wanna waste your time. And I certainly don’t mean to offend. I don’t know how else to help." 

"Yeah, well Jersey had those dirty hands wrapped around my neck not too long ago.”, Bigby explained. “Oh….sorry.”, Johann said.

“He was an asshole so I'd suggest you don't follow him.”, Bigby said, crossing his arms. Johann frowned. “Listen. Crane had the mirror. Mary had Crane. And she comes around here, right?”, Sonya asked.

Johann stays quiet. “If you’re covering for her, we’re gonna have a problem with you. So you better think real hard about what you say next.”, Bigby  threatened.

“I….Sheriff…Deputy, I–”, Johann stuttered nervously, rubbing his hands together, He looked behind him for a moment. “Did you hear that?”, he says, tapping the counter. Bigby and Sonya looked at each other.

Johann goes to the back door. “Oh, I’m real sorry. Hold on, I-I just gotta go check on that. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.”, Johann said as he inched closer to the door.

“Butcher…”, Bigby starts to warn.

“I just have to go see…”, Johann walked into the door, leaving Sonya and Bigby confused. Bigby lifts up the counter door and Sonya follows behind him, her eyes catching a red button. "That fucker...", Bigby growled.

They walk through and Sonya looks at Bigby, putting a finger to her lips. They move silently through the freezer full of hanging pig carcasses on hooks.

“I got it covered back here, guys. I’ll be right out.”, Johann called out, his voice echoing, his voice echoing through the room. Sonya tapped Bigby’s arm, pushing a finger to her lips, reminding him. Bigby nodded and led her further.

They moved quietly, pushing the carcasses out the way. “Just  wait out front, I’ll be right there.”, Johann tells them.

They don’t say anything, pushing through the freezer. “I’m sorry, Sheriff and Deputy, but you two are not supposed to be back here. For, uh….safety purposes.” Johann said, nervously.

Sonya rolled her eyes and Bigby shook his head as they pushed through. When they got closer, they could hear Johann whimpering to himself. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me. They’re gonna kill me….oh god, she is gonna fucking kill me….” They finally see Johann moving boxes around.

“They're gonna get me killed….the things I do…”, Johann softly whines. Bigby holds a hand out to stop Sonya, walks up to Johann and taps his shoulder, making him jump in fright. “B-Bigby! Please-”

“Bigby!? What happened to Sheriff!?”, Bigby shouts, storming up to the cowering man. “P-Please, guys. Please don’t. I don’t wanna die. Please….please don’t kill me.”, Johann whimpered, backing away. Bigby walks up and slams Johann up against the door. “Shut the fuck up.”, he growled lowly, squeezing Johann’s face.

“Bigby!”, Sonya exclaimed. He growled at her voice. “Bigby, he’s not a threat. Put him down.”, she says, walking up to him. He turns his head to look at her. She could see a glimmer of yellow in his eyes and she frowned softly. “Relax.”

Bigby looks away from her, dropping Johann. Johann gasps for air and looks up at Sonya, heavily breathing. “Thank you." 

"We’re not done here, Johann.”, Sonya says. “I’m not part of their crew!”, Johann blurted. His face changes into an expression of realization and he lowers his head. “Fuck….” He sighs. “The Crooked Man’s people. Jersey Devil….Dee and Dum…and that mental case Bloody Mary. You wanna talk about the real butcher? It’s her, not me. This is her place.”

Bigby glances at his wrapped arm, annoyed at the mention of her name.

“I’m telling you, they muscled in on me. Took over my storage and delivery a long time ago. All ‘cause of that heatwave. That summer was even hotter than this one. I let Mary and those porters stay cool in the meat locker one day. Playing cards, having a great time. I guess they were sizing the place up. Shows what I get for being nice. I’m just a victim in this…I don’t know what they do back there. I swear.”, Johann explained.

“You lied to us in the front. Why the fuck should we believe you now?”, Bigby asked. “Because it’s the truth.”, Johann shouted. Bigby pushes Johann out of the way and squats down to pull the door open.

Once he pulled the door open, their eyes widened at the sight of some kind of lab going on. Test tubes, shelves full of ingredients and a boiler caught their attention as they walked inside.

The table in the middle of the room had stools that were chained to cuffs. In the far part of the room was a large chalkboard that looked like it was frantically and messily erased.

“What is this place?”, Bigby asked Johann. 

“I told you, I don’t know. They muscled me out! I swear, I don’t know anything more. I haven’t been back here when it was like this.” Johann said.

Sonya frowned seeing a red light was on with a sticky note that said RUN! “Sonuva...”, she growled, turning to Johann.

“This business….it’s all I’ve ever had. I guess that’s why I stuck around when they took it…”, Johan said looking around.

“Damnit, you can’t act like you’re forced into this, and then turn around and help them. They’d still be here if you hadn’t flipped that switch out there!”, Sonya fussed, making Bigby glare at him.

“I had to! You two come in here, making trouble for me….but you two only give a shit now 'cause the Crooked Man stepped on your toes or something. Where were you when they took this place from me?”, Johann exclaimed. “It hasn’t been easy for me…. y-you think I wanna live with this at my back?”, Johann asked.

“Alright, Johann, do me a favor, just shut the fuck up and stay out of the way. Can you manage that?”, Bigby asked.

Sonya shook her head and walked over to the table and picked up a box, dumping the stuff out. Her eyes widened at the sight of glamour tubes. “So this is what Beast was delivering.”, she murmured.

She picked one up and showed it to Bigby. “Could be dangerous stuff.” Bigby said.

“Maybe just don’t touch anything back here? Please?”, Johann begged. “Didn’t I tell you to sit down and shut up?”, Bigby growled. Johann looked away in fear.

Bigby looked down at the shackles, frowning deeply. “These chains….who’s getting chained up here?”, he asked Johann.

“You can’t think I’m the only one the Crooked Man has under his yoke?”, Johann asked, shaking his head. “Is this what those loans get you? That crooked piece of shit! Ribbons. Chains. It’s all the fucking same!”, Bigby shouted in anger.

“What are they even making here?”, Sonya asked, frowning sadly at the thought of the ribbons. "I’m just a butcher. You wanna talk t-bones? That I can do. This stuff is way outta my league.”, Johann told her.

“There are a lot of nasty spells you could make with the right equipment….”, Sonya muttered, looking around.

Bigby goes over to the table and sees packages with the same symbols he saw at the Tweedles' office and Greenleaf’s. “That symbol. It’s on all the packages. What is it?” 

“That’s the Crooked Man’s….brand. It’s on everything that goes in and out of here.”, Johann explained.

“So you do know something, huh?”, Bigby said, rolling his eyes. Sonya leaned in to examine it closely.

“Is it a wheel or..?”, she asked Johann.

“It’s from back in the Homelands….a torture device.", he said, making her eyes widen. "It came over here with the rest of our stories. Not that Mundies need any help coming up with that kind of thing…it makes people crooked….by breaking their bones and– do I really need to explain this?”, Johann asked, exasperated.

She shook her head. "I don't blame you for not wanting to explain more. People who are really into the dark arts of entertainment are not all there with decency." 

Bigby goes over to the board, scanning it from top to bottom. “Too bad they had time to erase it all. This could have been useful.” He raised an eyebrow at the sight of a familiar coat.

He bends down and picks it up. “I know this isn’t your coat.” Bigby said, showing Johann. “What’s it doing here?”, Bigby asked.

“It’s a coat, what’s the big deal about some dirty-”, Johann said but gets cut off by Sonya. "What if that's Crane’s coat?”, she asked, making Bigby intrigued.

“It’s seen some abuse.”, Bigby said, looking at the coat. He pointed at the blood and Sonya rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he handled it just fine.”, she said, making Bigby smirk. He opens up the coat and sees three pockets inside of it.

He digs in the bottom pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. “Hello, Benjamin.", Sonya says, grinning and looked for more clues by the table.

"No time for travelers checks, huh?”, Bigby mutters, placing the money in his pocket. He digs in another pocket and pulls out a torn picture of her from Lily’s glamour tube.

“That sick piece of….”, Bigby growled. “What?”, she asked, walking back over to him and he shows her the picture. Her face grows sour. "Great…", she says, sarcastically.

He frowns in concern and she shakes her head. Bigby digs in the last pocket and pulls out a shard of glass. “It’s the shard!”, Sonya squealed in delight. “Thank God.”, Bigby said, relieved.

“Hey! Hold on!”, Johann shouts, catching their attention. “What the hell am I supposed to do now? I’m gonna have to spend the rest of my short life looking over my shoulder for Bloody Mary. They won’t care that I held up my end. There’s no way to get out of this.”

Sonya smiles at Johann. "Now that we've got the shard, we're gonna get this done. That crooked bastard won't touch you."

“Thank you.”, Johann smiled in relief as Sonya and Bigby walked out of the freezer and walked to the front of the store. Before they left, Sonya flips the sign from open to closed and finally leaves.

Bigby waves down a cab, sighing out softly. "We're getting so close. I can feel it." Sonya smiles at him. "I'm pretty proud of us.", she says, holding her hand up. He looks at her hand with an amused expression and gives her a high five.

Once the cab pulls up to them, they climb in and look at the shard. "The mirror will finally be put together..."

He nodded before his eyes widened to the sound of soft rumbling. He looked over at Sonya as she wore a shy expression. "Was that-"

"Yeah…haven't had much to eat since we've been working.", she said. He frowned. "Why didn't you say anything?", he says, only to hear his stomach rumbling louder than hers.

He grumbles as she snickered. "I can go get us something to eat while you go and get the shard in the office.", she offered.

"You sure you'll be okay by yourself?", he asked, feeling wary of her being alone at this time. She nodded. "I don't think they'd attack me in a food place.", she says, smiling and tells the driver to send her to a sandwich shop.

She climbs out and hears the window roll down before turning to the cab. "If you feel like you're in trouble, call the office. I'll be right by the phone."

She rolled her eyes in amusement and mockingly saluted. "Yes sir."

The Woodland Building

Evening

Bigby walks in the office, frowning at the sight of Bluebeard, Toad yelling and arguing with Snow.

“I don’t care who killed the prostitutes, if Crane was helping himself to the community coffers, it means his hands were in my pocket. And you just let him go!”, Bluebeard shouted at the secretary.

“I don’t know what you heard, but it did not happen like that.”, Snow corrected. “Are you denying the facts?” Bluebeard asked, challenging her.

“She’s denying me the chance to get a word in. Now, Miss White, I–” Toad started to say but Bufkin shouts. “Sheriff Bigby has returned.”

They turned toward him. "The ole wrecking ball, himself!”, he hears.

“Where have you been? Where's Sonya?”, Snow asked, walking over to him. “I’m not finished here Miss White–”, Bluebeard shouts. Snow turns to him. “You will have to wait! Just one moment, please.”

She turns to face Bigby. “Look what we found.”, he says, proudly pulling out the shard. He smiled at the sight of Snow’s shocked face. “Seems your dog wants a biscuit.”, Bluebeard remarked. Bigby glared at him.

“Bufkin! Get this piece in the mirror, right away!”, Snow orders. Bufkin swoops down, taking the shard. “With pleasure, Miss Snow.”

“Finally. Things are swinging back in the right direction. Good work, Bigby.”, Snow said, making him smile. “You two have been gone all day. What did you uncover?”, Snow asked.

“We had to get real persuasive with the Jersey Devil, down at the Lucky Pawn, but he told us that the Crooked Man’s door moves. It’s some kind of magic door.”, he explained.

“Do you think the mirror will be able to find the door…once it’s fixed?”, Snow asked. 

“That’s how Crane did it. And that’s how we’re gonna do it.”, Bigby replied, nodded.

“Excellent work. Really.”, Snow smiled. “Sheriff, I could use your assistance. Would you join me at the mirror?”, Bufkin calls. Bigby shrugs at her and heads over to the mirror.

“Don’t go far, Sheriff. I’d like to have a few words of my own with you.”, Bluebeard declared. “How about you fuck off until I’m good and ready.”, Bigby snapped as he walked over to the mirror.

“I don’t understand….this piece just doesn’t want to join the rest. Do you have any idea why?”, Bufkin asked Bigby. “You got me.”, Bigby said, shrugging. “Well, where did you find it? What has it gone through since being separated from the rest?”, Bufkin asked.

“I found it in Crane’s coat. Last person I saw with Crane, or his coat, was that psycho Bloody Mary. Maybe she had some–”

“Ah, yes. Miss White was asking about here. That explains it! You-know-who and the Mirror have a very…unhappy history with each other. How would you like it if she tried to use you as a doorway?”, Bufkin asks. “I think I already know the feeling…”, Bigby says.

“Well, I think I know how to proceed, now. It will just take a little extra….coaxing. That’s all. Thank you for your help. It could be awhile, Sheriff. I’ll find you when it’s ready. Besides which….he might not want to come out with you watching.”, Bufkin said.

Bigby raised an eyebrow at this info. “Oh, he doesn’t like being spied on?”, Bigby asked, intrigued and crossed his arms.

Bufkin shrugs and smiles at him. Bigby turns around to walk back towards the other three and Snow walks up to him. “Is it fixed? Did you ask about the Crooked Man?”, she asked him. “Bufkin’s still working on it. He said it might be awhile.”, Bigby informed Snow.

She sighs and looks at Bluebeard and Toad, who were arguing with each other. “I can’t take those two right now. We’re to catch a murderer, and they’re….they’re over there bickering about bureaucracy. We’re….at war! Don’t they realize that?”, Snow asked, frustrated.

Bigby raised an eyebrow. “Do you need help over there?" 

"Yeah, thanks.”, Snow said, smiling. “Go talk to Toad…but just so you know….we can’t pay him. He really needs to go to the Farm, you know. So, just break the news and be done with it, okay?”

Bigby sighed and goes to lean on the edge of a table. Snow goes to sit in Crane’s old desk and begins to talk to Bluebeard. “Toad! C'mere!”, Bigby calls out.

Toad turns to face him and rolls his eyes. “I see how it is. Passed off to an underling, eh? Why am I not surprised?”, Toad said as he waddled over to him. “Well you two did cause what damage brings me in here, so maybe it’s for the best. Just need a little bit more dosh to cover it. I tried talking to her about it, but it’s like chatting up a brick wall, it is. Now I’m sure you’ve got your own agenda, Sheriff. But I’ve taken a real wallop because of you two. And you can’t deny that.”

“I’m starting to think you don’t take me seriously, Toad. How many times have we told you to get glamoured up?”, Bigby asked as he stood up, putting his hands on his hips. “You know that when you’re out of glamour, we gotta send you to the Farm.”

Toad narrows his eyes at the bigger male. “Well….How about your friend, the pig, hm? Isn’t he going to the Farm, too? Yeah, you thought we didn’t know about him, huh? The worst kept secret in Fabletown. For a friend, the rules’ll bend.”

“Colin stays in my apartment. It’s a lot different than a three-foot-tall frog walking the streets.” Bigby replied. “What?! If the pig doesn’t have to go, I shouldn’t either!”, Toad disagreed, angered. Bigby returned the gesture with a glare.

“Okay, okay. If you give me one more chance and hear me out. I’ll see a way for me and me boy to stay. I’m not gonna ask for any more than I need. I just want to stay. So whaddya say you just give me enough to cover me glamours and…we’ll call the rest a wash. Please, Sheriff, don’t take TJ away from the only home he knows. This whole glamour rule is….oppressive. I’ve done nothing wrong but look different. You know it’s not right….burdening the weakest of us like this.” Toad said, giving him sad eyes.

Bigby sighed heavily and remembered picking a wad of cash out of Crane's pocket. He grimaced thinking that he should've given it to Sonya just in case she didn't have enough to buy for food but gave it to Toad anyways.

"Here. This was Crane’s money but I don’t think he'll need this anymore.", he says, pulling the wad out. Before he gave it to Toad, he gave him a fixed look. "This is for your glamours only. If you buy unnecessary shit, you will go to the Farm. Am I clear?"

Toad nodded excitedly and skipped away, whistling. Snow noticed this and looked at Bigby in confusion.

“Bluebeard! You wanna talk? Now’s your chance.”, Bigby yelled. “I’ve just made my donation funding this office, so direct your questions to Miss White.”, Bluebeard says and leaves the office. Bigby's eye twitches in annoyance as he rubbed his temples to get rid of the oncoming headache.

“Well, at least he’s not trying to get rid of me….”, he hears Snow say. “He’s not?”, Bigby asked. “For now….did you two take care of Toad? I mean….I saw the way he left…I know it may not seem that important right now. But glamours are the law for a very good reason.”, Snow said, her hands on her hips.

“I took care of it. Let's not worry about that.”, he said.

“Fine. We’ll deal with it later.” , she said, sighing. “I know I should be asking how it got like this….but I just keep wondering why it happened….to Faith and Lily. You two have seen his world. Do you guys have any idea why he’d want them dead?”, Snow asked, pacing around. 

“If there’s one thing we’ve figured out, it’s that the Crooked Man is all about control. It’s what he does with the loans at the Pawn Shop, the magic he peddles…chains…ribbons. Maybe Faith and Lily weren’t doing what they were told. Or….maybe they just tried to leave.”, Bigby said.

“Sheriff! Miss White! I believe the mirror is repaired!”, Bufkin announces. They look at each other before walking to the mirror.

“I have to say, I have been better…but thanks for putting me back together.”, the Mirror rhymes. Snow sighs and steps up. “Mirror, mirror….we’re glad you weren’t slain. Now please show us….that sick creep Crane.”

The mirror then shows Crane and Bloody Mary talking. “You will get on that plane to Paris and you will wait for the day the Crooked Man needs you. Until then, not a peep. Otherwise, I get to deal with you my way. So please….please disobey.”, Mary said to Crane, threateningly.

Suddenly, Mary looks around as if she were searching for something. “Wait a minute….someone’s watching….” Then, she looks dead at Snow and Bigby, grinning wildly raised her hand.

The mirror started to shake and turn red and the face of the mirror came back into view. “What ....just happened?”, the mirror asked, disoriented. “We pointed you in the wrong direction….and looked at Bloody Mary’s reflection.”, Bufkin explained.

“Oh….her. That explains the sting. I’d rather not have to feel the pain she brings. So….let’s not do that again, okay?”, Mirror said. 

“Looks like we’ll have to track him down later.”, Bigby said. “You’re right. We need to focus on the immediate threat. And that’s the Crooked Man.”, Snow said.

Bigby sighs and hums. “Uh, Mirror, Mirror…no time to pout….so where does the Crooked Man hang out?”

The mirror showed a door with the Crooked Man’s symbol on it. “I don’t recognize the door, but…that’s the Crooked Man’s symbol on it.” 

“Hold on…”, the mirror said as a different door appeared with the symbol on it. “The door…it moves…”, Snow said, shocked. “Told you.”, Bigby said, smiling at her. “Wait a minute, I know that door….that’s Central Park.”, Snow said.

“I don’t know when it’s gonna move again, but we gotta get there before it does.”, Bigby said. “Bigby, wait!”, Snow shouted, making him pause and turn to her. “When you get the Crooked Man…make sure you bring him back alive. He has to stand trial. We can’t just dispense street justice.”

"Yeah, yeah, we'll bring him back here. Alive. Then we can clean him and cook him together.”, Bigby says, rolling his eyes.

“Good. I have enough to worry about here while I prepare the case against him. So, I’m going to trust you two to handle this properly.", she says and turns to hear the phone ring.

Bigby rushes to answer it, "Hello?" He hears Beast's rushed voice. "Bigby? Something bad happened!"

Beast was calling for him?? This couldn't be good. Bigby's eyebrows furrowed. "What happened??"

"I was on my way to Johann's, I know I shouldn't have gone over there but I saw Sonya being kidnapped and beaten! I think it was the Tweedles.", Beast rushed to explain.

Bigby's eyes widened at the info. His teeth gritted and bared as he tried to keep himself together. "I'll get her.", he says, hanging up.

Snow's eyes widened. "What happened?"

Bigby looked at her. "The Tweedles got Sonya. They must know we already have the shard." He storms to the door. "I'm gonna end this.", he says and leaves.

The Gothic Bridge

Central Park, 94th Street

Night

Bigby made it to the door with the symbol on it, just in time. He steps in, a bright light blinding him for a moment before he realized he's been teleported to a different area.

It seemed like a castle hall of some sort. He heard footsteps and hid behind a wall, getting ready to pounce on whoever was here. Instead of an actual threat, there was a young man with a crutch and a leg brace on his left leg.

“Tim? What the hell are you doing here?”, Bigby asked, shocked.

“Good evening, Sheriff.”, Tim said and held his left hand out towards him. “I’m here to take you guys to the boss. Thanks, by the way…for leaving off Tiny. Tiny Tim. You’d think I’d have outgrown that centuries ago."

Bigby looks at Tim’s hand and shakes it. Tim smiles at his gesture and lets go. "I have to admit, when they asked me to watch the door….I wasn’t sure what to expect when you came through that portal. I know you aren’t here on a social call.”, Tim said.

“Hold on, you’ve just been waiting for me to show up?”, Bigby asked him. “You knew I was coming?”

“That’s what they told me.”, Tim replied. “I dunno, they said you two made it pretty clear. I’m supposed to bring you right on in, so….If you will come this way….”, he said, beginning to lead him away. “Look, this is the one thing I have to do. Please, don’t make this hard on me… I don’t want to get in trouble. So…if you can follow me.”

“Fine. Lead on.”, Bigby said. Tim smiles at him and turns, starting to walk down the hall with Bigby following behind.

“Thanks for understanding. This is all I’m here to do, and…I don’t want to mess it up. I know I’m probably the last person you’d expect to be a…guard. Or an escort for that matter. I was a little surprised, myself, when they asked me to do it. I thought it was a joke, actually.”, Tim explained.

“You shouldn’t be here, Tim. This place is dangerous. Especially for someone…like you.”, Bigby says, looking at the man's leg.

“It’s…not like that. Whatever you may think of him….he doesn’t treat me like some….broken little kid. I think he gets what it’s like.”, Tim said as he pats his left leg. “He gave me a job. And I’m lucky to have it. This is the only option I’ve got. Just….keep that in mind, maybe? ‘Cause if you and the boss go up against each other….the rest of Fabletown is gonna get caught in the middle.”

“I understand the position you’re in, but you don’t have to do this. There are other things you could do.”, Bigby says. “So it’s just that easy?” Tim asked, frowning.

“Maybe not, but you don’t want to be a part of this.”, Bigby says, and begins to walk ahead of Tim.

“A lot of us depend on him. Some of us never get to the front of the line at the Business Office. But he’s there. We need you….but we need him too. What we don’t need is a war.”, Tim said to him.

“Hey, Sheriff, hold up….I gotta go in with you. Hold on!”, Tim shouts. Bigby stops and waits for Tim to catch up. “Thanks.”, Tim said, smiling as he walked past him and led him to a large door.

Bigby frowned at the laughing and loud voices and looked over at Tim. “Go ahead. You got a job to do.”, he says, nodding his head. Tim's smile gets bigger as he opens the door. “Sheriff Wolf, sir.”, Tim said as Bigby walks in.

The room gets quiet as he's met with glares and shocked expressions.

He saw the Tweedles, Georgie, Vivian and Jersey were sitting there looking at him. Jersey started to charge towards him, but he noticed a shadowed figure on the couch, reaching his hand out to Jersey.

Jersey stops. “Thank you, Tim.”, the figure says and leans out of the darkness to reveal himself as The Crooked Man. A tall lanky man with a half droopy face and a mustache.

“I know the Sheriff isn't the….accommodating sort. But you handled it. You did well. You can go now.”, Crooked Man said to Tim who nodded and shut the door.

“You see? Everyone in Fabletown has a role to fill. You just have to pay attention to what they need to help them find it.”, Crooked Man said as he slammed the end of his cane on the floor.

“Why don’t you have a seat, Sheriff? We have a great deal to discuss.”, Crooked Man said as he offered a chair for him. Bigby takes a few steps forward, pulls out his cigarette pack, pulls one out and lights his cigarette.

“You’ve come a long way. You must be tired.” Crooked Man said. Bigby continues to smoke his cigarette, nearly biting through it. He notices Jersey reaching for his gun and almost snorted in amusement.

“And if my envoys are correct….you two haven’t had a lot of rest recently. Please, relax for a moment, will you? Do you want a drink? Something to eat? Vivian makes a very nice, very…. it’s elegant, really. Her carpaccio. It’s lobster….sirloin….”, he continued to offer.

He pulled his cigarette out, blowing out a large puff of smoke. "Speaking of my partner... where the hell is she?", he glared at the man. The Crooked Man nodded. "Ah...Ms. Sonya. She's here...just resting for a moment."

He looked up at Vivian. "Dear, will you go fetch her, please?" Vivian nodded and brought out an unconscious Sonya, cuffed and laid limp in Vivian's arms.

Bigby's jaw clenched at the sight as Vivian hands her to him. He cradled her, now getting a good look at her face as he felt himself getting angrier. Her face, nearly swollen and bloodied. A split lip, her eyes blackening and a good cut across her cheek.

He held her close and glared at the Tweedles. "What the fuck did you two do." They tried keeping a smug expression on their faces but nearly cowered back at his calm, angered voice.

"They were simply protecting me.", The Crooked Man explained. Bigby snapped his attention over to the lanky man. "Protecting??? She went to go get food. How were you in any danger?"

"I'll admit, they did go a little overboard but they mean well.", he replied, making Bigby's hold tighten on Sonya.

She groaned softly and he looked down at her as she looked up at him with a sad expression. "I'm sorry...I didn't even make it to the shop...", she whispered, hoarsely.

He frowned. "Don't worry about that.", he says, and stands her up. “We’re here for one reason. And it’s not to eat your fuckin’ food.”, Bigby said to the Crook Man.

“Really.” Crooked Man said.

“Yeah.”, Bigby says and throws his cigarette down on the floor. He stomps it out, holding her up.

He looked at her hands and looked at the Tweedles. "Where's the key?"

Dee shrugged, giving him a smile. "Must've dropped it."

Bigby growled. "That's fine...", Sonya says, wobbling to stand a bit before jumping and putting her legs through her arms, now having her arms out in front of her. She held her hands up, heating them up enough to melt the metal off of her wrists.

Jersey gets up, pointing his gun at Sonya's head as she rubs her free, sore wrists. Bigby growled loudly in warning while she just looked at Jersey, unimpressed. “What do you think you’re doing?”, he fussed at Jersey.

“They’re gonna–” Jersey started to say to the Crooked Man but Crooked Man interrupted him. “Mr. Wolf and Miss Blaze are our guests. And I have every intention of cooperating. So don’t waste the silver.”

Jersey still had the gun aiming at her. “Sit down, Jersey.” Crooked Man orders, making Jersey finally lower the gun and sits down.

"I thought you didn't need the bullets.", Sonya scoffs, wiping her mouth tiredly. "What a bitch..." Bigby frowned at her wobbling state and stayed near her just in case she fell over.

“Well, Sheriff, Deputy…for the sake of transparency, why don’t you two tell us why you’re here? It would help settle everyone’s nerves, I think.”, Crooked Man says.

“You’re destroying this town. Apparently you've been doing it for ages.”, Sonya replied. “Destroying this town? What on Earth do you mean?”, Crooked Man asked, playing confused.

“What the hell do you think I mean? Slavery, kidnapping, extortion, murder. Something you would call the wholesale corruption of Fabletown.”, she said, getting frustrated.

“I would call it the baseless accusation of a desperate Sheriff and Deputy.”, Crooked Man replied. “How are you certain this isn’t some…conspiracy against me? I’m a well-connected man….well moneyed. People do like to take their shots at me.”

“Who would try to pull that on you?”, Bigby asked him.

“Oh, I don’t know. Fables with a grudge, people who want a stake in my shops and services….but I can understand the confusion. And I am, truly, sorry about….the trouble all of this has caused you two. And I hope you believe me when I say that I sincerely mean to make it up to you two.”, Crooked Man replied.

“The recent murders have gotten such attention as of late….I don’t relish telling you that they were perpetrated by an employee of mine. It’s a very unfortunate bit of business, but….I promise you that the matter will be dealt with. Internally. I just want to settle the issue for you two. And to assure you that it’s over with. You two really don’t need to worry yourself further.”, he said.

Bigby starts to walk closer to him. “You really shouldn’t worry yourself. As I said, I’ve got this under control.”, the Crooked Man says.

“I already know who did it.”, Bigby said, making Sonya glance at him. “Forgive me, Sheriff, for doubting your acumen, but….who do you think committed these crimes?”, Crooked Man asked him.

“Don’t give us this employee bullshit. I know it was you.”, Bigby replied. Georgie laughed at his accusation, making Sonya glare at him.

“What must I say to convince you that I’m innocent, dear? It wasn’t me. And I have complete respect for you two and your jobs, I really do, but I’m sorry, I simply can’t divulge the transgressor.”, Crooked Man said.

“No. We’re dealing with this. Right now.”, Sonya said firmly.

“Yeah, right.”, Jersey sneered. “What do you think this is? Some kind of negotiation?”, Dee asked as Bigby walked up to him. “The man said he’d take care of it. So why don’t you two take the hint and get out.”

“Sonya and I are the law, not you. Now tell us who did it!”, Bigby demanded angrily, at Dee. “You think I’m scared of you?”, Dee asked as he looked over at Dum. He looked back at Bigby and laughed. “Haha! You’re nothin’ more than a–”

"I already know who did it.", Sonya says, catching everyone's attention. She glanced at Georgie with a harsh glare.

"Why didn't you say anything?", Bigby asked. "You never gave me the chance before you said anything.", she says, looking at him tiredly.

She shook her head. "It was Georgie. I remember waking up and passing out to hear him talk about it with the Tweedles. They were laughing about it.", she says, glaring at the three men.

“Georgie.” Bigby growled as he walked up to him.

"Amazing deduction, Deputy. Seems you're smarter than the sheriff.", the Crooked Man smiles. She glared at him too. "You're not exactly out of the woods either."

“As I said….I’ll be handling the matter if you don’t mind.”, Crooked Man said.

“You got what you wanted, so just–” Jersey started to say as he stood up but Crooked Man stopped him. “Sit. Down. Now.”

Jersey sits down as Georgie looks up at Bigby. “Yeah, I killed ‘em. So what?” He asked.

“Why’d you do it? Why kill them?”, Sonya asked, angrily. “Does it matter?”, Georgie asked. She looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "Uh, yeah. You broke a law. You murdered two fables. What do you think!?"

“What’s there to work out?! I’m protected, aren’t I?!”, Georgie asked the Crooked Man. “Your protection has limits….and I think you’ve far exceeded yours. That you could murder someone in cold blood like that….”, Crooked Man says, shaking his head.

“Look, the fact is….Georgie here misinterpreted one of my instructions….”, Crooked Man explained. “Misinterpreted?!”, Georgie exclaims getting up.

“And I want to make things right. So….let’s work something out.”, Crooked Man said, ignoring him.

“You fuckin’ asked me to do this! You told me to kill them!”, Georgie exclaimed, making Sonya and Bigby turn to the Crooked Man.

“And then attempt to blame me for it! You will be silent….while we discuss what to do with you.”, Crooked Man ordered Georgie.

“This is right bollocks, this!”, Georgie fussed then looked back at everyone. “You just gonna let him do this?”

“What the hell?!”, Vivian exclaimed.

The goons looked away from him, not saying anything. “So what do you two say? Can we discuss terms? You two can have Georgie. Consider it a gift….ensuring our continued cooperation.", The Crooked Man offered.

"Take this fucker! Take all of 'em! I didn’t fuckin’ start this!”, Georgie shouts, pointing at Crooked Man and everyone in the room.

“Don’t make any trouble, Georgie.”, Jersey warned.

“Are you seriously throwin’ me under the fuckin’ carriage?”, Georgie asked Crooked Man.

“No deals. It’s over, so get up.”, Bigby told Crooked Man.

“I’d advise against that approach, Bigby.”, Crooked Man said, warningly.

“You can’t just hand me over! What the fuck is this shit! You said you’d cover for us!”, Georgie fussed. For minor infractions, not murder.”, Crooked Man corrected.

“Just go with them, Georgie! You’re gonna sink us all!”, Jersey shouts.

“What’s wrong with you people! You’re really gonna sell him out just like that?!”, Vivian asked in disbelief.

“You think I give a fuck if I’m the one who–who the shit do you think you fuckers are?”, Georgie asked the others.

“Just surrender!”

“Get the fuck out of here!”

“Things are about to get unpleasant, and I would rather you two weren’t here to watch.”, Crooked Man continued.

“I do apologize, Sheriff….but I think it’s best if you and your partner leave now.”, Crooked Man said to Bigby. “There’s no way I’m goin’ with them! Are you kidding me!?”, Georgie shouts.

“You can go join that whore at the bottom of the lake for all I give a shit! But they’re not takin’ me anywhere! I’ll roll over on the lot of you before I let that shit happen!”, Georgie shouts at everyone.

“What are you saying?” Jersey asked.

“Yeah. What the fuck? You’re gonna make sure we all go down the shutter with you?”, Dee asked Georgie, angrily.

“We’re not going anywhere!”, Sonya yelled at everyone. The room gets quiet and Bigby looks behind her, growling lowly in warning.

She turns behind her to see their reflection and someone familiar as well. She gave them a grin and stepped out of the mirror in amusement.

Crooked Man places his hand over his face. “This could have gone so well…” then he looks up at Bigby and Sonya in anger. “To speak the truth, I’ve never been a very good mediator….why negotiate when you can just decide.”

“Did I miss anything good?”, Bloody Mary asked. Sonya mustered up enough strength to change into her first form and Bigby glared at her, his eyes glimmering with yellow.

Mary looks over at them. “Well, look at you… all fixed up.” Sonya lights her hand on fire but gets punched by Georgie, making her fall back.

Jersey attacks her and she puts her hands out, burning him before he could land a hand on her. Dum threw Dee a gun and he pointed the gun at Bigby.

Bigby knocked the gun away right when Dee pulled the trigger. The bullet hits a window in the back room to reveal the portal.

Bigby turns to it but Mary kicks him across the face, knocking him back. The goons walk over to the two, making Bigby change into his first form. Jersey turns into his skeletal form and charges at you.

“You two have done enough.”, Georgie said as he picked up a knife, swinging it at them. Sonya sees Mary lead the Crooked Man through the portal and tries to chase after them but gets stopped by Jersey.

She shot a blast of fire at Jersey, making him scream out. Dee restrained Bigby from behind, struggling with him. Georgie walks towards him with his knife. “I’d like to say it was nice knowin’ you…”, he said.

"Bigby!“, Sonya yells, running over but Dum punches her in the face. She growled at him, holding her jaw. "But I’ll be glad to see your insides turned out.”, Georgie continued as he thrust the knife towards Bigby.

Bigby dodges, making Georgie stab Dee in the side. Dee falls over and Dum runs over to help his brother.

Georgie continues to attack Bigby but Bigby grabs Georgie’s wrist, pulls the knife out of his hand and shoves the knife into Georgie’s stomach.

Georgie gasped and pulled the knife out as he backed away. “Oh God!”, Vivian cries as she runs over to Georgie.

Bigby rushes to Sonya, checking her. "You okay?", he asks. She nodded and saw Vivian and Georgie disappear through the portal and left. Sonya and Bigby looked at each and disappeared into the portal.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

This or That 6

Harry Potter Marauder AU 

Link to chapter 5 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader. Sirius Black x Reader 

Rating: M- smut

______

The next morning, James and Sirius were still angry over the whole Ambrosia kissing Regulus incident. Both boys waited for you to come down into the common room for breakfast. When you didn’t show, they shrugged and went down to the great hall alone.

“We have to do something.”

Sirius said, angrily. James gave his best friend a look before reaching out and grabbing Sirius’ arm.

“Can you not hit on her? She is having a hard enough time already.”

Sirius sighed.

“Look, Prongs. I get it. She wants Regulus. Y/n doesn’t want me...like that. I was going to apologize to her for being a massive dick to her too. She deserves that.”

James was clearly pleased.

“There’s my best friend! Why don’t you offer to go with her to Slughorn’s Christmas party tonight...as friends. Something tells me that she won’t be going with Reg.”

Sirius shook his head.

“I am not going to Slughorn's merry get together. I have a better idea. We’ll have a party. Just our circle. That will bring Y/n some joy. It's the people who care for her the most.”

James considered Sirius’ plan as they walked into the great hall.

“Great idea. Hey, Regulus is looking rough this morning. Let’s go spread joy.”

Sirius smirked at where his little brother sat with his group of idiot friends. Regulus definitely didn’t look happy. His face was sour as he kept glancing to the Gryffindor table for any sign of you.

“I like to spread joy.”

“You two aren’t spreading joy without me.”

Both Sirius and James turned as Remus ran up. Both boys were clearly pleased to see Remus running up to defend your honor.

“Moony, I was wondering where you were.”

Sirius said, happily. Remus nodded.

“I didn’t want Y/n dating him in the first place. I knew that this would be nothing short of a disaster.”

James elbowed Sirius.

“So about that spreading joy thing?”

The three boys wore matching smirks as they walked past the Slytherin table. Sirius was the first to stop. Regulus, Evan, and Ambrosia (who Sirius noted looked pretty depressed herself) all looked up at him.

“Bitch, jerk, and fruit salad. Hope you all are having a lovely day.”

It took all that James had not to break down with laughter over Sirius using Lily’s “special” nickname for Ambrosia. Regulus was on his feet with his wand out in less than three seconds. He was ready to hex his brother for even speaking to him that morning.

Evan reached up and tugged Regulus back down.

“He isn’t worth it.”

Evan said, sounding almost bored.

“You all are some mean little twats, you know that?”

James snapped. Remus quickly came in.

“I told my sister not to date you. I knew that you would just break her heart. It only took you two months. I was holding out for 5. Sirius disagreed. He said you wouldn’t make it 3.”

Regulus’ eyes had darkened as he glared at Remus.

“Go suck on a loafer, Lupin.”

Regulus didn’t curse much. That was another way that he and Sirius differed. Every other word out of Sirius’ mouth was a curse word. Regulus, on the other hand, didn’t curse. He considered it “beneath him.”

“Do you kiss my sister with that mouth? Oh wait, she just dumped you.”

James was about to make another joke at Regulus’ expense but before he could you walked up.

“That’s enough, boys.”

You said, calmly. As much as you didn’t want to, you met Regulus’ gaze. His face was screaming “I’m sorry” as he stood.

“We were just having some fun with these twat waffles.”

James said with a grin. He put an arm around you and smirked how instantly jealous Regulus appeared.

“Let’s go. They aren’t worth it.”

You said. Regulus finally remembered how to talk. You guessed he was struggling with words or trying to keep his raging temper in check.

“What about Slughorn’s party? You already have a dress.”

Regulus ignored the way Evan was smirking at him. Evan knew exactly what Regulus meant. Your mother and father spent a lot of money on that dress. It was money that your family didn’t have. This was yet another reason that Evan didn’t see you as a proper girlfriend for his best friend. Poor families didn’t have any business mingling with the upper class.

“I’m not going and definitely not with you.”

Your response was cruel and you knew it. However, you wanted to hurt Regulus as badly as he hurt you. You couldn’t help but wonder if he actually cared about you at all? You were hurt and irrational...misery truly loves company.

Boyfriends don't’ kiss other girls in front of their girlfriends…

Your mind supplied as Sirius grinned.

“I’ll go with you. I don’t really know any of those nerds except Evans and yourself but I’m free tonight.”

You internally smacked yourself in the head. Regulus was seething now! He pointed his wand right at Sirius and muttered a curse. Thankfully, Sirius was quick enough to repel the curse with an amused laugh.

“I’m not going to the party, thank you. Now let's go. This is getting out of hand.”

You grabbed a hold of Remus and Sirius’ arms before tugging them away with you. James smiled as if he had won some grand prize before following you to the Gryffindor table.

Lily and Marlene had been watching the spat from their places.

“We were waiting for someone to start hexing the other. Regulus lasted longer than expected.”

Marlene commented. You sat down in a huff. This was the last way that you wanted to spend your morning. You had all intentions of going to Regulus and ending things properly. If he wanted to kiss Ambrosia, he could have at it. So what if you were devastated? Clearly, your feelings didn’t matter to Regulus in the slightest. He couldn’t defend you against his stupid friends so why even bother with a relationship?

“The little git thought that she would still go to that party with him.”

James commented. Lily frowned.

“So, you’re not going now? Who will James and I talk to?”

You smiled at the offended expression on James' face.

“Each other, maybe?”

Sirius had kept his eye on his little brother who looked close to frustrated tears. This totally shocked Sirius. The last time that he had seen Regulus cry was when Orion was using the cruciatus curse on Sirius for breaking a window. Regulus was 8 years old at the time and sobbing in the doorway. Orion had yelled at Regulus telling him to suck it up. After that Regulus didn’t cry anymore. He just looked indifferent toward everything.

Maybe he actually does care about her?

Sirius thought, feeling a bit guilty about the earlier scene. He pulled himself from his thoughts and turned back to his friends.

“Better idea, instead of Slughorn's boring ass party, why don’t we all have one of our own. You know our inner circle?”

Lily shook her head.

“We have to go. These parties are a big deal. Slughorn will be devastated. Y/n just come with James and I. Yeah, it may be a little unorthodox but it can be fun.”

James nodded.

“I can dance with you both.”

You shook your head, giving them both a frown.

“Way to make me a third wheel.”

Sirius put his fork down and turned to you.

“Go with me.”

Sirius wasn’t surprised when you scooted away.

“Sirius, that is a horrible idea.”

He held his hands up defensively.

“We can go as friends. Y/n, I’m sorry. I know that I have been a real git myself to you. I know that you want Regulus and I’m okay with that. What I am not okay with is how he is treating you and how our friendship is going. We’ve been friends too damn long to let it go out like this.”

Sirius was relieved when you smiled.

“You’re right. We have been.”

You didn’t care about admitting that you missed your friendship with Sirius.

“That would be really nice. I would like that.”

It was cruel what you were doing. You knew that you turning up with Sirius would break Regulus’ heart. This would be Regulus having to face his worst fear...losing you to Sirius.

It really isn’t like that but it will appear that way.

Maybe Regulus would then see how you felt seeing Ambrosia kiss him. It was devastating!

That evening you sat as Marlene put the finishing touches on your makeup. She clasped her hands together before putting her makeup away.

“Y/n, you are so beautiful! It's no wonder that you have Sirius and Regulus fighting over you.”

You rolled your eyes.

“It isn’t as glamorous as it seems. Trust me.”

Lily walked in with a small box in her hands. She smiled before putting the box in your lap.

“This is from Regulus.”

Your mouth dropped as you quickly undid the cute little bow. What was Regulus thinking? Did he think that sending you some cheesy letter in a box was going to win you back?

“I wonder why he is sending me something?

You commented before reading the name on the box.

“Tiffanys?”

Marlene shrugged.

“Must be some kind of muggle brand? Seems kind of odd that Regulus went with a muggle brand seeing how he is.”

Lily’s mouth dropped as she scooted closer.

“Tiffanys if super expensive.”

Marlene nodded as it all began to click. Of course, Regulus would send you some over the top expensive gift. His family was good for it.

Your mouth dropped as you looked at the most beautiful pair of pearl earrings and a matching necklace that you had ever seen! This was the first piece of truly nice jewelry that you ever owned.

“Wow, these are beautiful. I can’t keep them though.”

Marlene jumped up.

“What are you talking about? Regulus wouldn’t have given them to you if he didn’t want you to have them?”

You sighed and closed the little box.

“He probably got them before yesterday and they just turned up. I can’t keep anything that expensive. Lily, tell Sirius that I am not going to the party. I have to get out of here.”

You ignored your friends pleading for you to come back as you dashed out of the common room.

Marlene sighed.

“Well, what do we do now.”

Lily silently thought for a moment before speaking.

“I’m going to get Regulus.”

(1 hour later)

You sat huddled in Moaning Myrtle's lavatory. Typically you would just sit by the window and look outside. Tonight, however, you didn’t even want Myrtle to talk to you. You went into one of the stalls and closed the door. Sinking down, you wanted nothing more than to spend the evening in tears.

The sound of the door opening and close made you stop. You couldn’t help but wonder who in the right mind was coming in here? Most people were scared to death of even crossing Myrtle so coming into her bathroom was insane.

You listened to the footsteps as they inched closer.

“Y/n?”

Your heart began to pound hearing Regulus’ voice. Putting a hand to your mouth, you choked back a sob that was still trying to go through you.

“Y/n, I know that you are in here. Lily told me so. I can also smell your perfume.”

You watched, from your place on the floor, as his feet stepped closer and closer. When the door tried to open and wouldn’t budge, he sighed. Regulus could see the outline of your body in the poorly lit room.

Regulus slowly sank to the floor on his knees.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I never meant to hurt you. Darling, I know that you probably don’t believe me but I had nothing to do with Ambrosia kissing me. I wouldn’t have done it to hurt you.”

When you didn’t reply, Regulus slowly sat down and leaned back against the door. This was not how he envisioned spending your last night together before the Christmas holiday. Regulus didn’t know what else to say. He had warned you that he was clueless when it came to being a boyfriend.

“I love you, Y/n. Ambrosia is jealous. I never cared for her as I do you.”

“You’re better off with her.”

You finally replied. Regulus frowned.

“Why would you say something like that?”

“Your friends won’t treat her like crap or a second class citizen. I’m always going to be that person and you won’t do anything about it. I want to be alone.”

Regulus could see your hand within inches of his. He slowly reached out and covered your hand with his.

“I was wrong to let them talk to you like that. It will not happen again. You make me happy...she doesn’t. She doesn’t make me feel loved as you do. Please come out. I don’t want to be alone again. I’ve felt alone my whole life. Sirius left me. I don’t want to lose you too.”

You turned your hand enough to feel Regulus’ palm against yours. Pressing your lips together, you fought back another urge to cry. This was the most that Regulus had opened up to you since that first day of being a couple. He was clearly trying. Putting his reserved closed-off nature to the side and letting you know what he was feeling said a lot.

Regulus, meanwhile, almost cried himself when your hand pulled away from his. The moment that he heard the door unlocking he jumped up. Maybe you were giving him a second chance?

The moment that you opened the door, it took all that he had not to pull you against him. Your pretty green eyes were puffy from crying and your make up was ruined but Regulus didn’t care. You were beyond lovely in the silver dress that you were wearing.

“Come here.”

Regulus said holding his arms out. You didn’t need to be told twice before throwing your arms around Regulus’ shoulders as he held you back. Snuggling your face into his shoulder, you didn’t want to let him go.

“I’m sorry, love. Please don’t hate me.”

Regulus’ voice was gentle as he did whatever he could to comfort you. After a few moments, you slowly looked up at him. Regulus appeared as devastated as you were. Now he reminded you of the sad boy that you had also noticed walking through the hallways. The boy whose parents never said that they loved him...the boy that you needed and who needed you.

“I don’t hate you.”

You said before pulling him down into a kiss. Regulus’ eyes instantly snapped closed as he deepened the kiss.

“I could kiss your lips forever.”

He said as his eyes fluttered open. The two of you stood nuzzling your noses against each other while simply enjoying the moment.

“Would you like to go to the room of requirement?”

You asked. Regulus’ opened his eyes.

“Are you sure you want to give up your virginity to me now? I figured that I would be grounded.”

You shook your head.

“Now is a perfect time.”

Regulus wrapped his hand around yours and quickly tugged you toward the bathroom door.

The two of you snuck through the hallways avoiding teachers and prefects. Regulus held the door to the room of requirement open before rushing in after you and casting a locking charm. The last thing that he wanted was for anyone to disturb the two of you.

Meanwhile, you were looking around the room with a smile. A bed was already waiting for the two of you. Regulus’ arms wrapped around you from behind.

“We don’t have to rush.”

He whispered, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

“I’m ready.”

You said, hoping that you sounded as confident as you felt. Regulus reached up for the zipper on your dress and slowly pulled downward.

“You’re beautiful. Y/n, you’re the only girl that I want in my bed.”

Where his sudden surge of bravery came from...Regulus wasn’t sure. He had been dying to get his hands on you for ages. From the first kiss, he wanted you desperately but he couldn't ruin your first time due to him being a horny mess.

You stepped out of your dress as Regulus turned you in his arms. His eyes slowly rolled down your body. Suddenly, you felt very timid in front of him. You quickly pulled your hands in front of your bra-covered breasts. Regulus gently pulled you toward the bed and sat you on his lap.

“Don’t hide.”

He reached behind you and tugged on the bra’s clasp until it was undone. You let Regulus remove the lace fabric and toss it to the ground. He smiled the moment that your bare breasts were visible to him.

“May I touch you?”

You nodded frantically as Regulus rubbed his thumb over your nipple before reaching out, taking the sensitive bud into his mouth.

“Reggie.”

You sighed his name, stroking his curls. Regulus groaned and lifted his hips enough to press himself against your core. You had quickly become aware of how hard he was with each thrust.

“Let’s get the rest of these clothes off.”

Regulus said as he began tugging at his tie and the buttons of his shirt. You, reluctantly, climbed off of his lap so he could finish undressing.

“Go ahead and lay back.”

He said softly. That overwhelming sense of nervousness returned. You swallowed as you gazed at Regulus’ body.

How is that going to fit inside of me?

You thought, nervously. At the moment, you were thankful that Lily and Marlene had told you what to expect the first time.

It won’t feel great at first. Burns like hell...but it will start feeling nice quickly if Regulus knows what he’s doing.

Regulus grabbed his wand and pointed it to your stomach to mutter a quick contraceptive charm. His eyes were all over your body before biting his bottom lip.

“I want to take my sweet precious time and have you begging for it. Put your legs up and spread them a bit.”

You quickly did as you were told as Regulus took his place between your spread legs. He leaned down for a quick kiss then kissed his way down your body. You sighed with each kiss but froze as he reached your belly button.

“Regulus, what are you doing?”

His eyes rolled up with a wicked little grin. He stroked his finger over your folds sending you into a wiggling moan.

“I want to kiss you here.”

His right hand stroked over your thigh.

“And here...I want to put love bites all over those pretty thighs.”

Where this Regulus came from you weren’t sure. This Regulus was more than sure of himself. Maybe you owed Ambrosia a thank you after all?

Regulus’ lips were on your thighs as he flipped his shaggy hair over his shoulder. In the candlelight of the room, his eyes seemed two shades darker. You fought back little moans as he peppered your thighs with butterfly kisses before finally biting down.

“Oh, Merlin!”

You squeaked as he sucked harshly at the tender skin of your thighs. Regulus smirked as he leaned back admiring his work. As far as he was concerned, you were about to be marked up for the rest of forever.

His eyes drifted to your core. From where Regulus sat, he could see that you were already glistening wet.

“Can I kiss you here?”

He asked, this time he pressed on your clit firmly with his thumb. Your hips involuntarily bucked as you nodded. Regulus slowly lay down on his stomach to continue his game of butterfly kisses on your mound. When you sighed in frustration his tongue finally made contact. You could have come apart but what he was going alone.

“Don’t come.”

Regulus ordered. You spent the next few moments hyper-focused on the ball of tension that was building with each swipe of his tongue.

“Reggie, please.”

You gasped.

“Regulus.”

He snapped. You smiled at the bossy tone of his voice and reached for his hair. Twirling your fingers in the silky strands, you couldn't help it. You came. Regulus quickly put his mouth back to you and helped you through your orgasm.

“That was beautiful.”

Regulus said with a happy smirk of approval before rising up.

“I’m pushing in now...just the tip at first. This may sting.”

Regulus’ voice was strained as he adjusted himself to your opening and slowly pushed inside. The moment that your body clenched around him; Regulus froze. He leaned down to feverishly kiss you.

“I’m sorry.”

He cooed. You shook your head.

“Just do it, please.”

You said through gritted teeth as each inch of his body pushed further inside. The full feeling didn’t ease up for a good moment either.

“Regulus, please.”

You cried. Regulus’ eyes were clenched shut.

“I’m about to come. Give me a moment.”

The two of you remained in the same position for a moment before Regulus nodded and shoved all the way in. You cried out from underneath him. Regulus quickly leaned down to kiss you gently.

“It's over, sweetheart. Tell me when you want me to move.”

You waited a moment longer as your body adjusted before raising your hips.

“Now, please move.”

Regulus quickly pulled out and eased back in. With each snap of his hips, you were again falling further and further over the edge.

“Coming.”

Regulus groaned through gritted teeth before sending both of you over the edge. Neither Regulus nor yourself wanted to move for a few moments. You lay lazily twirling your fingers in his sweat-drenched hair.

“Just so you know I can last longer than five minutes.”

Regulus said with a lazy smile. You giggled.

“I don’t doubt you.”

Regulus was the first to pull away. He reached for his wand and quickly cleaned up the mess that he left inside of you.

“This was a lot better than Slughorn’s Christmas party.”

You nodded, yawning as Regulus curled up beside you.

“Totally.”

____

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[emilysarmstrong]

THIS IS GONNA BE A RANT AND I'M ON MOBILE SO NO READMORE FOR Y'ALL, YE HAVE BEEN WARNED

We managed to go on a week long vacation with my gf's parents (in the house that belonged to her great-grandpa who won it on a game of cards, but that's another story) but god, at what cost

Our cat couldn't come with us on the grounds of my gf's mom being severely allergic, so we were waiting for The Roommate to come back so she could watch over her (and her own cat too), but after two weeks (of a supposedly ONE WEEK TRIP) she finally told us that she was only coming back TWO DAYS AFTER my gf's parents were supposed to be back so no fucking vacation for us I guess?

We wanted at least to spend a weekend away from this house that has been in the middle of a moving since GODDAMN MARCH full of boxes and trash everywhere, so we had everything set up for gf's uncle to come over and feed the cats for two days. Once we finally got to the vacation spot, The Roommate calls us to say that she got someone to watch the cats.

Time to drive ALL THE WAY BACK to relieve the aforementioned uncle from duty and bring our keys to the person who was supposed to watch the cats. Turns out it's this old judgy neighbour lady who was annoyed that we wanted to show her where the cat food and litter were, where we had made a neat pile of clean pet bowls and plates for them, the lists with how much and how many portions to feed them, our phone numbers... and then she got pissy because "[Roommate] said I only had to feed the cats once a day"

EXCUSE ME?

WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO SURVIVE ON ONE MEAL AND A SINGLE GLASS OF WATER A DAY, ELIZABETH?

Anyway we reiterated the importance of getting the cats fed and their water changed twice a day, and hoped The Roommate had chosen a dependable person to take care of the cats

*narrator's voiceover* turns out, in fact, that she hadn't

Roommate calls us two days later to say that the catsitter called her with her panties in a twist because there were maggots in the cat food and she had to toss it all away, that she was calling another lady to pick up the catsitting, that in the end the new lady was going to buy more cat food, and and and

WHOA MCFUCKING THERE, PARDNER

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAD TO THROW AWAY OUR CAT'S FOOD"

"It's okay, she handled it"

"But we have enough food, there's a metal box full of wet food and a full bag of kibble"

"It's okay, she handled it"

"We have to come back to town tomorrow to get our covid vaccine shots, if there's the need for more food we can stop by the pet shop on the way"

"It's okay, she handled it"

The gods gifted me with many virtues

Patience is not one of them

And at this point the gf was already restraining me to not yell at the phone, and we agreed on not stopping by on Monday to not stress the cats further with showing up and going away, and trusting the new caretaker, that had already watched over The Roommate's cat before, to not be a complete moron

We overestimated her

We came back today to find the new caretaker, who did not even invite us in for a coffee, all pissy about The Penny having bitten her this morning when "all I did was trying to pet her". She gave us back our keys and we walked into our apartment, where The Penny was already screaming her little lungs out

The apartment

Was

A

Mess.

Penny's litter box hadn't been cleaned, at all, ever since we left

She had one bowl of water instead of the two we had left

The tray we place her bowls on was FILTHY

And I don't know what the fuck was in her kibble bowl, but boy

It was NOT the kibble that we had prepared for the week and left in a glass jar right in front of the tray

We thought that was all, but nope! Walking into the kitchen made the nightmare even worse! The food that we had set aside for the cats, that the lady claimed was gone so fast because it was filling with maggots, was still sealed on the shelf with the little notes on how to portion it attached. We had laid out wet food for a week, of which not even HALF had been used, and The Roommate's cat's kibble didn't even seem to have been touched. Instead, there were two boxes and a bag of SHIT ASS cat food of a brand we had never seen before, full of grains and coloring and other bullshit, not to mention the bag of kibble for fixed cats. WE are responsible pet owners that fixed our baby as soon as she was old enough, but The Roommate refuses to do the same to her cat (that has been constantly in heat for a while, mind you) but feeds her kibble for sterilized cats. If you're wondering if this makes her cat underweight and low energy, well, BINGO! We had finally convinced her to change into better kibble, and this FUCKER comes around and buys this shit under the premise that "poor kitty cat had no food" while there were TWO BAGS IN THE KITCHEN AND PENNY'S JAR IN OUR ROOM

And the bowls. My good lord, the bowls.

Penny eats out of steel bowls that we wash after every meal, and the water one gets washed once a day. The Roommate isn't nearly as organized with her cat's stuff, but she keeps telling everyone who listens for at least ten seconds about how her cat's whiskers are particularly sensitive and therefore she cannot eat out of regular pet bowls (instead she keeps feeding the cat in plastic plates that only get washed once a blue moon but we'll get to that in another ranty post). We specified on the notes taped to the food shelf that she has to be fed on open plate, and what did the asshole do? WELL, OBVIOUSLY NOT THAT. She grabbed a random Penny bowl and filled it with kibble, another random Penny bowl and filled it with water. And completely ignored the tray we had laid out for the other cat, with her little plate and the wider water bowl, putting the "meal" she prepared on the kitchen counter instead

Unlike Penny's litter box, that hadn't seen a scoop since we left the house, the other cat's stuff had been cleaned. Once. And the bag with the litter trash was still open in the bathroom for everyone to see and smell, because obviously, it's not like the cat would maybe just maybe like to have a room that doesn't smell of her own fucking shit, specially if said room is right besides the one where she sleeps

Now it's the following morning and I'm still seething, I cannot believe the fucking audacity. We would happily (okay, maybe not happily, but we definitely would) skip the vacation if there was no one to watch the cats. They're little living creatures that need attention, and we happily provide when we're around. It's not a crime to say "I can't watch over your pets, sorry", it doesn't make you a horrible, rude, inconsiderate person. You know what does, though? ACCEPTING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SOMEONE'S PET AND DOING A SHIT ASS JOB OF IT

We laid out everything. We left clean bowls and plenty of kibble and wet food. We left clean scoops to clean their litter boxes. We explained everything and literally left a phone number taped to the food shelf in case they needed us for anything. Instead, the first bitch called The Roommate to complain and the second one just deadass did whatever the fuck she wanted (also I'm convinced that she was overfeeding the cats kibble and not giving them wet food to avoid maggots instead of, you know, sticking around until the cats finished eating and putting the food away when they did. Which means The Penny gained weight in this week, a LOT of it). And ignoring the things we had prepared and explained with so much care to 1) make their lives easier and 2) MAKE IT AS SAFE AND NOT STRESSFUL FOR THE CATS AS POSSIBLE.

We've been home for twelve hours and Penny still hasn't stopped being whiny, which I'm pretty sure is only partly because she is annoyed at us for spending a long time away, but also because she has been bored out of her mind, since these people act like cats are part of the furniture and don't need attention besides some horrible slop thrown into their food bowls. Our cat missed having play time with her wand toys, hanging out with us while we watch tv, eating together (obviously, her having a little bowl of cat food while we eat human food, that we do NOT give her because we aren't stupid), sleeping in the same bed. Of course you're not mandated to do that if you're just hopping by to check on the cats and give them food, but don't act like they're furniture and then get pissy when they try to bite you because they're under stimulated! CATS NEED TO HUNT, and if you don't provide a prey in the form of a toy they're gonna hunt your fucking fingers, and my only regret is that Penpen didn't rip that asshole's hand off

I don't think there is a point to this post, I'm just angry and annoyed and frustrated, but typing everything out in an angry rant is better than yelling and scaring my already sad toebean of a cat, I guess?

Anyway if you read all of this I'm sorry and have a picture of Her Catship The Penny Dreadful

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 4 "Haunted House" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

A girl died in this tub.

There's no record of any of these names except for one.

Oh, my god, there's two of them!

I own Halloween. It's my jam.

Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath.

I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body.

A lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits.

They put down their hot pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me.

I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents.

Oh, my god, it says my name!

I hope the severed leg brightens up your trailer park.

You're a bright light in my life, and I wanted you to know how much you impress me with your frumpy spirit.

You are so devastatingly mediocre and adorable!

I can't wait to see you in person, but before that, I'd like to see you post this all over social media, to exploit it for my own gain.

Aah! It's a rotting jack-o'-lantern!

Aah! This box is just filled with blood!

She got me a razor apple!

I stole this cadaver head from an ophthalmology student just for you.

You're the most important person in the world.

So you didn't see anyone in a red devil costume entering or leaving the house?

Are you coming to the precinct pig roast this year?

Come on, she's obviously the killer!

Do you mean to suggest I changed out of my nightgown, strapped myself into a skintight pleather red devil costume, climbed out a second-story dormer, and shimmied to the ground with a chain saw before entering a window I had left open, tried to kill you, then leapt out the window, climbed back up the wall, changed back into my nightgown,

and raced downstairs, all in the course of about 90 seconds?

Clearly that's got you a little freaked out.

I'm not gonna hold any of this against you, and I'm gonna let you be my date for the faculty Halloween party.

Attempted murder!

A guy was almost killed tonight, okay?

Now, no, I'm not a detective, hell, I ain't even a cop, but what I am is somebody who watched every one of those Cosby mysteries, okay?

See? Dismemberment!

I am so sorry that I pushed you out of my car and drove off real scared.

I just can't believe that How To Lose A Guy In 10 days is your favorite movie, too.

In precisely two and half minutes when we go in there, you let me do all the talking.

What are you dressed as?

Oh, you have a squirrel. Don't see that much anymore.

Breakfast is almost ready, we got meat today.

What can you tell us about that night?

Now, we will keep your name out of it, of course.

'm a vault,

And to get in this vault you need a key. Now, you may ask, a key to what? It's a key to meaning. Once you've found the meaning, you don't need the words. You know what I'm saying?

Please, continue with your story.

Have any of you ever heard of "negligent homicide"?

We need to dispose of this body on our own. Now, I've got everything we need in the kitchen to make sausages out of her.

I'm gonna go downstairs, shut this party down, and then we'll get the body out of here.

Somebody has to watch after the baby.

Can you at least turn on the radio?

Just leave the details to me.

We can't just act like this never happened.

She's the devil, that one.

I looked at that baby up close. I know my peas and carrots. That baby was a girl.

Your support doesn't matter.

My campaign needs a theme?

My pumpkin's drunk.

I'm hosting a haunted house to raise money for sickle cell anemia.

Why are you holding a fund-raiser, though?

I don't think you understand the magnitude of the miscalculation you just made.

I can assure you you will not be winning an election anytime soon. And when you lose, I am gonna make it my lifelong passion to destroy your reputation.

You're a stuck-up little sociopath, and everybody in this room knows it.

It might behoove you to recall that everyone here witnessed you actually murder someone

Just sharpening knives.

Put the knives down.

I don't know what came over me.

How very adolescent of you to think of this.

It vaguely smacks of something my six-year-old sister would be excited about.

It's the most disgusting disease in the history of mankind.

You get it when you don't even understand the most basic tenets of oral hygiene.

Just give the dang thing its pot of gold already!

I ain't got no candy!

Bet you're a sexy dirt-covered girl. That's what I bet you are.

Sometimes I come out here and I just rub my hands on the gravestones.

I get you more than anyone.

I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing.

I just don't understand why I have all these dark feelings.

You know, I just think our generation's had it too easy, you know? We haven't seen enough horrible stuff. There's no awesome diseases randomly killing people. There's not really any awesome wars to go off to and witness horrific things you can't unsee. We, like, pulled out of all of 'em.

Sometimes I just don't even feel like I'm living, you know?

The only time I feel anything is when I'm thinking about chopping up a body.

And here you are, saddled up with an uptight girlfriend who freaked out for no other reason than the fact that you just wanted to fantasize about having sex with her lifeless corpse.

Oh, my god, I got a total chub right now.

Not scary enough.

She'll let you in the back door.

What could be scarier for an adult than a child coming to murder them?

Isn't that all of our greatest fear? That the pain, the regrets, the mistakes of our youth will destroy us in our adulthood? That we can't escape our inner child. One we would rather forget, but who, at the end of the day has all the power.

Why are you lying to me?

Something does not make sense.

You got to give me more here, okay?

I don't understand what you're getting at.

Are you on bath salts?

Why are we even here?

This house is haunted.

There's a legend in this neighborhood about a woman who wailed about her dead children. And this was the house she lived in.

These dumb ol' kids are smoking crack.

I think it's incredible what you can find out with just a quick trip down to your local library.

This can be one of the rooms for the haunted house.

What exactly do you plan on doing at this haunted house?

I was thinking we could blindfold folks and make 'em put their hands in a bowl full of grapes we peeled, so it'll feel like eyeballs.

I think the reason you want to have a haunted house party is 'cause a haunted party is like a buffet for murderers.

Yeah, yeah, you can just go around killing anybody you want and ain't nobody even gonna even notice.

Just like you chopped the arms off that dumb-ass golf guy.

Why do you have it out for me?

So now you look at me and see everything you could've been.

I hope you have a good time at you haunted party and get to murder lots of folks.

You have this way too thought out.

Isn't this kind of nice?

My sense of personal identity is completely external.

I really don't have much to offer.

I've found that my particular style of speaking and gesticulation is extremely off-putting to most boys. And girls. And anyone.

I need to eat. My blood sugar is crashing.

I'm tired of depriving myself of joy and sustenance.

I may die at the end of a serial killer's blade, but I refuse to die hungry.

Which one of you ladies would like to be my costume for Halloween? I'm going as "dude having awesome sex with you."

I mean, what in the hell's wrong with the world where a guy can't even whistle at a chick just to tell her she looks hot?

I recently took a women's studies class. Yes, because it was a requirement, but I learned a lot anyways. Like the culture that says it's okay for a man to objectify a woman for her appearance is the same culture that pressures girls as young as ten to have eating disorders.

So you're basically saying I'm the one responsible for making you look hot?

When you treat us like meat, you're no better than him!

I'm not really sure how you got my number, but I like how you took the initiative and texted me where you wanted us to meet.

Do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

I'll sure this house has an amazingly romantic basement.

Hey, so, uh, a little awkward since we're about to bone down and everything, but, um, what's your name?

Smells like roadkill.

I've never been so scared in my whole life.

All right, if we go to the police, they're gonna see I'm still rocking a mad sidepipe, and they're gonna think I had something to do with it.

We have to warn people.

All right, everybody listen up! All of your lives are in danger!

There are dead bodies! Dead bodies. Real-life dead bodies.

Did you say dead bodies?

Those are like the most lifelike dead bodies I've ever seen.

Is that a real dead body?

There are five dead bodies in that house. Laid out in horrible and deliberate macabre poses.

You are not leaving this house tonight.

You make it harder and harder to believe that you're not the killer.

I found out something really interesting, and now I have a theory.

Everything is weird about that story.

I mean, it's too big a coincidence.

We have to figure out who that woman was.

[lucidpantone]

I really hate the crew of wtfock for what they did to me. I was such a fan of the show since s1, I found happiness in every clips, every posts on insta, I found amazing people on tumblr, twitter, but everything went downhill in s4, I could not accept Kato as a main, I'm a proud black girl and this season broke my heart to the max. The inexcusable racism, the hidden hate towards POCs on social medias, the silencing voices... I even started to dislike some actors for being friends with Romi when she was the one who accepted to take away the role of a POC, to accept to play a racist girl and have discriminatory behaviour in 2020 of all that, and to even joke on her insta just because her friend said it was ok and she didn't even apologise when we called her out for it. Yeah they ruined my happiness and I can't even be happy when I see a wtfock post now. To even have Nora do a live and defend the season, saying that it's a prejudice based one ? Hurts me so much. And not even one excuses coming from the crew, nothing, it hurts deeply. I can't even enjoy anymore the beautiful fanfics that the fandom write. I read every zoenne and sobbe fics but now I don't even bother checking if there is new fic. I hate them for taking my happiness off me. They're starting to go downhill too with the lack of insta posts from their characters and only die hard fans of sobbe are here now let's be honest. Yasmina's season can't be saved if there is still Kato but a glimpse of sobbe will make the fandom shut up and they know it. It's sad and I'm so upset about it. Sorry for the rant but I so badly wanted to talk.

This is insanely long but these words are for my anon

Oh dear.....well am happy you told me and the looney tunes. I can’t say I blame you because s4 is so toxic and cruel on so many levels. You know some people will say its just a show “let it go” but I think what people don’t realize is what this show that you clearly loved tells you about the world at large. That even shows, brands, movements and celebrities can harbor questionable morality towards issues of race. S4 ended up being an exercise in showing [us/the audience] how morally corrupt the bosses of wtfock truly are and how at end of the day all those black boxes on instagram mean nothing when it comes to money. Because guess what? Platforming racist ideology does have a price and wtfock made it very clear that they got paid. Look am gonna tell you something that my anons have been saying in a coded way but havent said directly but lets just put it all on the table. 

S4 when Romi took the role it was not pitched as a season exploring interracial relationships or white privilege. It was never meant to be that. So Romi had no way in knowing what it would turn into. After the premiere night production panicked because they saw everyones disappointment towards the main(it should have been Moyo & everyone knows it even they do now) and took a hard left. Noa was meant to be Romi’s co-star but it was never meant to have all these racial undertones or not as extreme. The reason the script changed is because wtfock wanted to keep this whole “small engine that could” rapport going that they literally made the last minute call to try to tackle race relations. I mean to you and I we are probably like are these people for real? They are just gonna try to tackle race and white privilege as a story arc without having done the sufficient research and or had the man power in the writing room concerning writers with lived experienced on the topic. Yea, they did that. So anyways they “just decided” on a whim to tackle race *facepalm*. Now that decision in itself is an embodiment of white privilege. A bunch of white dudes wanted woke points and thought “race” yea we can totally do that topic unprepared. Hence why episode 2/3 were so damn repetitive and also literally made no sense. Am sure they pitched this to Romi as some super intellectual and thoughtful narrative that would hold deeper meaning. So I am not defending her instagram actions but I want to give her situation a bit of context. Also am pretty sure she tried to tell us in a round about way. Her insta post was just a display in lacking any awareness towards the importance and pain of BLM because she obviously just lacks race education or common sense but she is a 22 year old brand model so am not really looking for her to set an example. To me wtfock became in some weird way so high on fandom validation that they were egotistical enough to think they could try to tackle this insanely complex topic on a whim and with a 1st time screenwriter at that. S4 was doomed to fail from the start because it was a literal embodiment of unconscious bias that then turned into conscious bias because at one point they knew it was terrible while filming but they were too deep in to pull the plug. You are so in your right to be upset at them because to me the most hurtful thing is that THEY KNOW IT WAS BAD and they won’t address it and now they are going to use their token queer couple to try and fix this. Leave the gays out of it. You can’t fix racism with queerness it doesn’t work that way buddy(am looking at you Rutgers) especially for those who are part of both parties. Do I think a large part of the fan base will “forgive” wtfock for what they did? Probably, but its weird since technically wtfock should be asking their fans who are poc for forgiveness above anyone else. I guess I am not as pissy about the whole situation because am either cynical or emotionally numb to this type of fuckery. I would say concerning the cast and the crew it really isnt their fault. I hear from good sources a lot of them tried to say something and they were shut down. Look if you cant let this go then try to find some semblance of resolve over this. You’re allowed to be mad but at the same time this is the world we live in and this will happen to you again and again (trust me I speak from experience). I do hope you can try to find some comfort in Zoenne and Sobbe and try not to see the cronies of wtfock in their love stories but if you can’t then pack all their shit up and throw it in the attic. Maybe one day you can reopen that box. Last words of advice, happiness is a moving target because in reality it’s a compilation of moments that continuously mutate to accommodate other moments. So don't let s4 taint what moments you had with wtfock and try to remember the things you loved and if you need to walk then walk away. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now but trust me when I say what you feel is so valid and am so happy you spoke to me about it.