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blossomingimagines · 3 years

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Fall Again

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Word Count: 3,856

Summary:

Notes: I hope this what you were looking for.

Warnings: Depressive thoughts and talks of dying.

The faint sound of buzzing filled your ears as the man sitting before you droned on and on. His words are meaningless beyond the first sentence. ‘The tests came back positive, I’m sorry, you have cancer.’ Words that had instantly filled you with a certain hollowness you had never expected. As if your entire being tried to comprehend the words. As your mind tried to wrap itself around the idea that you were dying. Causing everything else to simply fade away into a static background. Simple white-noise to your predestined existence. Even still bits and pieces slice through like knives. Cutting you open to the world that you would never experience in the same way again. Leaving you exposed and bleeding without any semblance of protection.

The sound of the hospital filtered through your ears. Shuffling of feet and the distant voices of doctors and nurses speaking to one another. An overabundance of cheer and hope floating through the halls like air, but you could now detect the underlying sense of despair. The darkness that festered beneath the light pretenses of the spotless halls. A feeling that only seemed to come to the dying. The beautiful lies become a painful truth. You simply stared straight ahead at all the degrees hanging proudly on the wall. All mocking you, because no matter how many awards your doctor may have-- nothing could ever truly cure you. Nothing could stop your body from tearing itself apart. Nothing could stop the suffering you were going to experience. His words mean nothing more to you than the mindless chatter you hear on the subway.

‘I believe we caught it early, which is a good sign.’

‘You’re going to have to start radiation immediately.’

‘If we don’t get ahead of this thing… I’m afraid there’s not much else we can do.’

Turning, you finally meet the warm gaze of the man that was trying to save your life. Your mouth opens in hopes that your brain just knew what to say. That a few simple words would stop the spinning of the room. That your entire world would make sense again.

Nothing came out.

You simply stared at the man, with your mouth slightly open, as silence settled over the two of you. An oppressive silence that spoke more than either of you ever could. Brown eyes staring into yours with compassion and understanding. Lowering your head, you could feel the way your body seemed to wilt. Your shoulders slumping as you canted forward. Normally graceful hands, fumbling to get a grip on your knees. Anything to keep you anchored. To keep your thoughts on the current moment. On what was happening right now. You didn’t want them to stray to your future. To what you knew was coming for you.

You didn’t want to think about the fact that you were dying. That you would be dead sooner than you ever thought possible.

You had always known that with the life you lived you more than likely wouldn’t live to see your elder years. But you had always thought you would at least go out on your terms. Either a fire-fight where you were protecting your team or protecting innocent life. You had never thought that the true enemy all along was your own body. That it had been biding its time to finally land a crippling strike-- God did it land one.

Closing your eyes, you try to stem the oncoming tears. You hated to cry in public when you were near strangers. You hated to look weak to people that didn’t know you. To people that would judge with their own preconceived notions. Nothing was going to stop the onslaught, however. Not as images of the ones you loved came flashing across your mind.

Tony’s snarky voice filtering through your ears as if he was in the room with you. His teasing tone filling you with warmth. He always knew how to make you forget all your troubles.

Steve’s warm smile as he looked up at you over the newspaper. His blue eyes crinkling with happiness as he offered you a mug of coffee. Having learned how you liked it long ago.

Bruce’s calming presence as he sat beside you as you read. A companionable warmth shared between the two of you.

Thor’s booming laugh as you told him a joke that you had heard. Easy conversation passing between you both as you shared joke after joke-- as well as ale, of course.

Clint’s grin as you cooked together. His shoulder bumping into yours with the ease of someone who had done it a hundred times over.

Vision’s practical words always seemed to make you chuckle. As you always found his no-nonsense ways both endearing and amusing.

Then Natasha and Wanda appeared and the choked feeling in your throat only grew. Their green eyes sparkling with all the love in the world. Wanda’s open grin filling you with the same amount of warmth as Natasha’s half-smile. The laughter that so easily flowed between the three of you. Your body naturally wedged between them both as you tried to get as close as possible-- though that never seemed to be close enough.

Clenching your hands, you try to ignore the way your heart broke all over again. Try to ignore the fact that not only your heart was going to be broken by the end of the day. That the two women that held your heart had already lost too much. And now… they may lose you too.

A simple fact that caused a choked sob to escape your mouth. You want nothing more than to go to a time where this was the simple case of the flu. When the only reason you had gone to the doctor was because of worried green eyes tracking you wherever you went. Even when you had done everything to reassure them that you were fine. Their worry, their fear, had been the tipping point.

“How long?”

It took you a moment to realize you had been the one that spoke. As the voice that had broken through the silence sounded nothing like your own. It was weak… feeble… everything you strived not to be. And even as the question hung between the two of you, you weren’t sure you wanted an answer. You weren’t even sure what had caused you to ask in the first place.

You weren’t sure about a lot of things anymore.

“With what we’ve seen? I’m afraid that if you don’t start treatment as soon as possible you’ll be dead within a few months.” The words only cause your stomach to drop even more. “However, I am confident that we caught it early enough. That, with the treatment, you may be able to make a full recovery.”

A sardonic smile twists your mouth. “And if I don’t? I’ll end up dying as something I’m not, right? A shell of who I used to be.”

“Yes,” he agrees softly. “But would you rather take the chance of living? Or succumb to your body’s wishes of death?”

His words echo like a mantra as you make your way back towards the Tower. Your eyes are taking in the landscape of New York City. The bustling of life that always permeated the streets. Whether it’s children pulling their parents excitedly to the next store or a businessman that was rushing to his next meeting-- New York City never seized in its constant state of motion. No matter what happened amid its confines nothing ever seemed to disturb that simple fact.

If you were to die tomorrow nothing would truly change. The shops would still open in the early recesses of the morning. Taxis and other means of transportation would still rush through the streets looking for passengers. There would still be the distant wails of ambulances on their way to the hospital. Life would go on as it always had. The world wouldn’t stand still simply because you were no longer in it. Even if yours had the moment you had heard the news.

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you stand and follow the line of people that were getting off. Your feet touching the rough pavement of the sidewalk with a hollow thud. With your hands stuffed into the pockets of your coat, you make your way through the throngs of people. Ignoring some of the looks you received once people recognized who you were. You weren’t in the mood to socialize. You also weren’t in the mood to dismiss the people that looked up to you. You knew what it was like to be dismissed by the people who you used to idolize-- your own personal heroes. You didn’t want that to ever happen to anyone that felt the same way towards you.

So, you just kept your head down and plowed through the bustling streets of New York. Towards the beckoning light of Avengers Tower. The great A situated on its side a beacon for home and safety. The dull echoing of your footsteps on the marble floor of the lobby as you bypass security. Your mind somewhere else entirely as you make your way up towards the communal floor of the Tower. Only the soft sound of the elevator pulled you out of your reverie. Announcing that you had arrived at your destination.

Following the faint sounds of voices, your body follows the well-worn path to the kitchen. Taking in everything as you near the entrance-- trying to remember everything as it was before the fallout that you knew was about to happen. From the faint crack along the sidewall of the living room that had appeared when Thor had ‘tripped’ while playing Nerf Wars. To the many pictures that lined the walls-- from amusing candid's to group pictures from intimate affairs. The happiness that suffused the walls of the Tower was always present.

You hated that you were about to taint it with the same underlying sense of darkness that the hospital held. Hated that your own body has betrayed you.

You stop, just at the precipice of the room, and smile at what you see inside. Natasha at the counter cutting various vegetables while Clint stole as many as he could manage before she noticed. Steve at the stove as he continued on with a conversation with Bruce. Tony sitting at the island with a StarkPad in his hands-- no doubt tinkering with more ideas for the next Iron Man suit. Wanda and Vision were standing side-by-side as Wanda taught the android how to properly set the table. Laughter flowing between them all. It was a serene moment that you didn’t want to break. That you wanted to capture and live in forever, but all good things must come to an end eventually.

It seems like this one had to the moment Vision noticed you standing at the doorway. His bright smile is an indicator that he was glad to see you.

“I wasn’t aware you had returned. If I had I would have greeted you like I normally do, Y/N.”

At the mention of your name, and Vision’s voice, the team turns and greets you with varying responses-- mostly cheers and grins. At their sudden attention, you take another step into the room. Offering a small smile towards Vision. Hoping that it would show that you didn’t mind he wasn’t waiting for you once you had returned. As you weren’t expecting to have lessons tonight either way.

“It’s all right, Vis.” You shrug. “I wasn’t expecting you to.”

At your words, Vision’s eyes narrow ever-so-slightly as he detected the underlying stress that you were trying to hide. Something you knew he was about to comment on before Tony interrupted with a question directed towards the android. You never wanted to kiss a man more.

Knowing that you needed to get some air, but not wanting to be rude, you turn towards Steve. “When will dinner be ready, Cap?”

“Another thirty minutes,” he admits with a rueful smile. “It would have been finished sooner if Thor hadn’t eaten all the final touches for the meal. He’s out getting them right now.”

You flash a smile at him. “That’s all right, Steve. I think I’m going to go up and get changed. I feel a little grubby in these clothes.”

He simply smiles back at you. Taking that as a sign to make a quick exit, you’re half-way out of the door before Bruce’s soft voice halts you.

“So what did the doctor say?”

You shoot him a confused look over your shoulder. Trying to desperately appear neutral as all the attention of the room, once again, shifted towards you.

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you go to the doctor today, má lásko?” Wanda steps from around the counter. A worried frown began to make its presence known on her beautiful face. The same expression that was starting to appear on Natasha’s. Something that you didn’t want at all. Your mind screeches at you to fix the situation you had suddenly found yourself in. You couldn’t tell them all right now. You could barely wrap your mind around it. You didn’t know if you could handle dealing with them trying to as well.

“I have the flu,” you offer with a weak smile and a shrug. “A few days of rest and I should be as right as rain.” You turn your gaze towards Natasha and Wanda. Your eyes noticeably softening as you did so. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

At your words, the team seemed to relax. The tense atmosphere, that you hadn’t even been aware of before now, dissipating as they all turned back to what they were doing. Sighing, softly, you quickly make your way out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards your room.

Trying to ignore the feeling of two green gazes following you as you did so.

The bright lights of New York City shone like the millions of stars that hung above it. Shimmering in the oncoming darkness that the night brought. The buildings, and the people, standing strong against the presence that many tried to avoid. Standing just beside the large window that made up a wall of your room, you could clearly see the nightcrawlers coming out down below. A completely different society awakening as the sun disappears behind the horizon.

Having changed into fresh clothes, you felt slightly rejuvenated. As if the clothes you had been wearing were bars to a cell. Locking you in with the truth that you were trying desperately to come to terms with. Being out of them brought a small semblance of peace, of stability, that you had been searching for. The simple act allows your mind enough time to get its bearings once more. It may not have been the ground-breaking epiphany you were searching for but it was enough. For now.

“Dorogoy?” A soft voice whispers from the entrance of the room. Your eyes slipping shut as the knowledge of their presence seeped into you. They have given you enough time to prepare yourself. You were a fool to think that they wouldn’t have noticed that something was wrong.

Turning, you meet their gazes with a tired smile. “Nat. Wanda. Is something the matter?”

Your question causes both their eyes to flash. Whether it be in a warning or something else, you weren’t entirely sure.

“I believe you have the answer to that question, Y/N,” Wanda says, her brow furrowing in concern. “We know that something is bothering you but we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what that is.”

“We’re concerned,” Natasha admits, her voice uncharacteristically soft. Her green eyes shimmering with suppressed emotion as she stares at you. “What did the doctor really say to you?”

A defeated feeling wells itself up in your chest. You know that you couldn’t lie to them. You had never been able to lie to them. Slumping forward, you move over to your bed and sit. A sigh escaping your mouth as they followed suit. Natasha settling on your right as Wanda settled on your left. Their hands immediately clasping yours in gentle, yet strong, holds.

Your jaw clenches as you try to work up the courage to speak. Try to put the words you didn’t want to be true out there. To make them materialize as a reality instead of the nightmare you wished they were.

“I have cancer.”

The events that followed went by too fast for you to truly react. Natasha’s hands tightened around yours with a stricken look painting itself across her face. Wanda stood with fury written across her face, green eyes flashing red as she tried to control her powers, though you knew none of that fury was directed towards you. At least not yet.

A soft hand on your cheek pulls your attention away from Wanda’s pacing. Your eyes taking in the pained expression on Natasha’s face. An almost desperate edge underlying it made you sick to your stomach. A quality that only resonated itself within her voice. Tears already forming in her emerald green orbs as reality came crashing down around you all. “They caught it early, right? There’s still a chance for you to beat it? Please tell me there’s still a chance. Tell us there’s still a chance to save you. That we won’t lose you.”

Tears flow unbidden down your cheeks at her desperate pleas. At the faint sound of Wanda kneeling before you and pressing her forehead against your knees. The trembling you could clearly feel as her hands clasped onto your only available one. The tears you could already feel seeping through your leggings. You want nothing more than to take their pain away. To tell them that this was some horribly fucked up joke that Tony put you up to but you couldn’t. You couldn’t and that hurt you more than any bullet ever has.

Your throat clenches around the words that try to escape your mouth. As you try to choke out the words through your despair. “Yes.” Natasha’s eyes lighten at your words and Wanda’s head raises from its position on your knees. “The doctor says that they caught it early but I’ll have to begin treatment right away.”

“That’s good though, right?” Wanda murmurs, settling back onto her feet. Her wide eyes filled with so much hope. “You’ll just begin treatment and everything will be okay.”

At their expectant looks, you lower your gaze towards your lap. Your heart thudding against your chest as you tried to formulate what you wanted to say. But how could you tell the two people that made your life worth living that you weren’t going to have treatment? That you were letting everything rest and have the universe take its destined course.

Your silence seemed to be all the answer Natasha needed, however. Her words filled with thinly-veiled fury. “You’re not going to go forward with the treatment.”

“No.”

The silence that follows your feeble answer was even more oppressive than the one in the hospital. Both Natasha’s and Wanda’s hands tightening around yours as they processed your answer. Both their emotions heightening as each second ticked by. Swirling around the three of you like a vortex. Having them both stand suddenly pulls you out of your reverie. Your head snapping up to watch them both pace. Agitation is clear in each graceful movement of their bodies.

Whipping around, Wanda snarls at you. “Why don’t you want treatment? It could save your life, Y/N.”

“And it could also make me a husk of who I am,” you cry, standing up from your bed. “We don’t know if the treatment will work and I refuse to die as something I’m not.”

“We don’t know that it will fail, Y/N.” Natasha cries back, equally as outraged as you were. “We don’t know what the future will hold. Except for the simple fact that you will die if you refuse treatment. It’s just a maybe right now.”

Wanda steps forward with an anguished look on her face. “Please don’t sign your life away because of something you don’t even know will be the end result. Don’t make this into a certainty.”

“Even if I do start treatment I will be completely useless to the team,” you hiss. “Who knows how long I’ll have to fight this until it goes into remission. I don’t want to be a burden on any of you.”

Natasha takes your face into her hands, her thumbs gently rubbing soothing circles on your cheeks. “Do you think they will care, Y/N? Do you think they won’t jump for joy when they find out that you’ve decided to fight? That they won’t be there for you every step of the way?”

“We’re a family, Y/N,” Wanda murmurs with a loving look shining in her eyes. “Family doesn’t let family fight their demons by themselves. You’re more to us, to them, than just a teammate. Nat and I love you with everything that we are. And you know the boys love you like a sister. They wouldn’t want you to just give up.”

“Yeah,” Natasha chuckles. “And I’m pretty sure you’re Vision’s surrogate mother.”

You laugh softly at her gentle teasing. Feeling warmth blossom in your chest for the first time since you had stepped foot in the hospital. “What about if I get too sick to take care of myself like I used to?”

“We’ll be there, dorogoy,” Natasha whispers, one hand falling from your cheek as Wanda’s took its place. “When you fall we’ll always be there to pick you back up. Just like we know you’ll always be there for us.”

Your eyes slip shut as the feeling of complete warmth and safety settles over you. Your world is finally beginning to make sense once more. Everything came back into focus as you were surrounded by Natasha and Wanda. The two people that knew how to set your heart on fire with emotions you never knew you could feel.

“Okay,” you whisper. “I’ll begin treatment.”

You didn’t have to open your eyes to know that they were smiling. Nor did you have to, to know that they were leading you towards the large bed. Easily pulling into the center with their bodies snugly pressed into both sides. Your nose nuzzling into Wanda’s neck as Natasha pressed herself firmly into your back. Both of their arms holding you in their warm embrace.

All other thoughts slipping from your mind as you succumbed to the dark recesses of sleep. The only things that mattered were the two women that were holding you like you were the most valuable thing in the world to them. Their warmth better than anything a blanket could ever provide. The feeling of completeness overwhelming you as the darkness finally took hold.

Your last thoughts being of the two women who would always be there to pick you back up again.

No matter how many times you may fall.

#natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader x wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #marvel imagines #black widow x reader #scarlet witch x reader #fall again #avengers imagine #avengers #marvel

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lost-and-gay · 3 years

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Ok so I've seen these "But what if it was swapped" kind of AU images of Avatar: TLA, where Sokka and Katara are the villains. I absolutely love this, and I had my own kind of idea for it that I want to write down before I forget anything.

- The avatar cycle goes Fire, Water, Air, Earth, with the last avatar(Before Aang) being an Airbender.

- Earth and Air have swapped places, and Fire and Water have swapped as well.

- Without the fire nation to pillage and deplete the southern water tribe, it merged with the North and created a strong empire with two capitals and reigning parties of both. After the death of their mother however, Katara and Sokka's father decided to take over, and put each of his kids as heirs to a northern or southern throne. They both think he's kinda crappy for this but are forced to go along with it bc he's their last living parent.

- The earth nation were mostly peaceful people, split into tribes located in heavily earth related places(so the swamp people were a really big clan of earth benders) really grounded into nature and stuff, so Aang is still mostly a pacifist, but he's got them nature powers and condones eating meat since he thinks of it as giving back to the nature he took it from.

- The water tribe cut off the supply of water from the earth nation tribes to wipe them out(they later returned the water so they could use the land for settlements, which have now turned to old ruins) and killed all the old Earth ending masters.

- The next avatar in the cycle was going to be fire nation, and the Water tribe began killing off fire benders and taking them prisoner till barely any were left. This caused the nation to split into a Western Fire nation and an Eastern Fire nation. In the East, they blocked themselves off and fortified themselves well enough that they have an abundance, some may even say overabundance, of fire benders. The west wasn't so lucky, and fire benders are rare.

- Azula and Zuko's parents were killed for being fire benders, and the two have hid their abilities, they live in a flat plains village in between two volcanoes.

- Sokka is the crown prince of the Northern Water tribe, and he plays more of an Azula role, he's smart and calculated, and will later assemble a skilled team of aids to help him also track down the avatar(more on that later). He's still a non bender tho, sorry Sokka.

- Katara is the crown princess of the Southern Water tribe, who was banished after she stood up to her father when he wanted to take over the Air nation as well. They fought and she got frostbite on her neck which she hides with her mothers necklace.

- The air nomads are a really badass society, like, they've embraced the whole taking air out of people thing. They're a multi-kingdom place with a lot of palaces and villages just in the air nearby temples.

- Mai is a non bender that the group is going to meet on their journey, she lives on ember island and teaches knife throwing to the women there since she's the head of their little army. She comes in here and there in place of Suki.

- I feel like Zukka should be endgame in this AU, it just feels right.

- Ty Lee is an Airbender Duchess or smth fancy who has a side gig as a mercenary for hire with her chi bending abilities. I thought of this especially since I enjoy the headcanon that she's of Airbender descent in the show due to her gray eyes. She uses airbending to help track the movements of others since she can feel the difference in the air current.

- Toph is an earthbender anomaly who was born to water tribe nobles, she grew up with Zuko and Katara and is a badass in general. She is still blind, yes.

- Suki is a guard for princess Yue, who's engaged to Sokka(but they both go their separate ways me thinks) she's from the water tribe. She'll later help team Boomerang(that's what I'm calling the Sokka, Toph, and Suki squad) out when she's enlisted by Sokka. Added humor as both girls on team Boomerang are pining for Sokka but he's gonna pine for Zuko.

- Tyzula is definitely gonna be endgame.

That's all I've got so far but I think it's a neat take that I've come up with.

#avatar au #long post #long reads #avatar the last airbender #avatar: tla #team avatar #earth #team boomerang #aangearthau #Avatar Swap AU #fandom

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lordoftermites · 3 years

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OF CLOVER & IRON

Part Two

Pairing: Roiben x Kaye

Summary: continued from here, but this one hurts more and I'm barely sorry.

Rating: T? it's just fuckin sad ok

Each breath I left behind Each breath you take is mine Walking on a line ten stories high Fear a fall, you're asking why Leaving the things we lost, oh Leaving the ones we've crossed I have to make an end so we begin To save my soul at any cost

Roiben was almost confident he had solved the first act of Kaye’s query long before this. At least, in part he had. And she hadn’t quite so much voiced the question as her face had expressed it plainly. It was a simple thing then, to speak without needing to flex the truth, because she had asked so simply. She had not yet won the faculty with which to confine him—her very own blackbird that came when she called—whether he wanted to or not.

It's your shirt, back from the dead.

A lament that had been, because he hadn’t truthfully wanted to return it: he liked the scent that lingered in the black, machine-woven fabric he had carefully stitched back together during the sparse moments in the solitude of his quarters— the very same fragrance that had drifted from the blonde tangles of her hair and caught his inhale when she clutched the possession between her fingers. It had been so pleasant it set his mouth to water. And it had been that which had him smiling down at her— a genuine reaction, something he hadn’t done in so long, neither before nor since the night in the woods—she had drawn that one from him then just as easily—that he had almost reserved himself to simply being incapable of it.

Like you.

He remembered the cool, wavering indifference of Kaye’s response, a betraying contrast to the gentle pink that bloomed over her cheeks, until she finally awarded him a grin in return. Perhaps it had been nothing to Kaye, but for Roiben, it was a delicate spell that charmed him, wholly and throughout.

He had had a revelation in that moment, had made to himself an ardent vow: he would have done anything for her to smile at him again. For that to be his smile alone.

He would have killed for it then—and he had done, more than once. Resolutely, he would again.

Roiben was bound, as was she—as the entirety of the Host was, by that imperceptible governance that dispossessed him of his ability to lie. But that same authority did not demand he renounce the overabundance of whys he clutched to him like a precious thing—not those Kaye would have him hand over now, not those she hadn’t known to ask for. Like why those days following their first meeting had been fraught with fitful, broken sleep, while the nights were a fruitless pursuit of a mortal girl, to return something as insignificant as an article of clothing. Why he had repaired the thing in the first place, fingertips raw from the needle scraping and pricking ad nauseum.

Why, even after she had prized the true name from his throat in some form of vengeance for the death of her friend. Ignorant of that insuperable, concrete power she balanced like a blade on her tongue. Much may the knowledge please you, he had said then.

Yet, even through his seething, Roiben still had wanted only to be near her. And when she had unwittingly given her first command and his mouth had immediately and dutifully obeyed its new mistress, he’d hated himself for how much he enjoyed it. Hated that he’d yearned to touch her again in spite of himself.

That tempestuous conflict between his longing and the conflagrant fury at relinquishing his name had curdled his insides there in the diner; he’d barely made three strides from the door when he’d retched, involuntarily and violently, emptying the asetose contents of his stomach behind the parked car he would watch her climb into moments later.

There was nothing that compelled him to confess that night he had followed her home, had waited in the cold shadows beneath the clouded window of her bedroom, heart clambering against the cage of his bruised ribs as he savored the ghost of her skin brushing his mouth, praying for just a glimpse of her through the glass.

This multitude of questions and reasons had never been spoken aloud, not even as a whisper to the shadows to abate Roiben's torment.

He knew, reprehensibly, that he had not given her the answer she sought—never, not in any measure at all.

Perhaps, in their tangled past, if she had waited only moments more, she would never have anguished in her own wonder as she did now. She could have instructed him to spill his insides onto the checkered linoleum before her, in naught but a whisper, and Roiben would have only been able to marvel at the ruby candor of his own lifes’ blood pooling at the soles of her favorite boots. Perhaps after, she would have been able to go back to the blissful, ignorant mortality she knew better than this one, free of the duplicitous whims of the twilight creatures she tangled with now; she would be free of him, as he from his subjugation.

But that had not been the design of whatever power held their fates.

Roiben drew a weary breath, scrubbed a hand over his face and closed his eyes; he couldn’t meet the untamed, sable intensity of that stare. The pattern was not lost on him, as it was very rarely that he found he could hold her gaze, such was his repugnant cowardice.

What seemed a century ago, Kaye had been in this very room, in the exact spot Roiben lay now, though the occasion had been something quite entirely life and death in contrast. Even then, befuddled with magic that aimed to keep her compliant to her death, that same vehement look on the stolen face she masked her own truth with bored into him, as he felt it knifing into him now.

The past was crumbling, upending itself, it seemed, and Roiben was loath to discover himself, yet again, the recreant.

Pulling himself out of his own memories, he tentatively reached out to take Kaye's hand. She didn't protest, but her fingers were stiff as Roiben laced them between his own. "I will explain, as thoroughly as I am able." he finally said, thumbing small, idle circles over the top of her hand while Kaye watched him in attentive silence.

"In truth... I didn’t know why, at first. Or, more like, I disallowed myself to know. As a knight, I thought I had trained myself to the virtues that title holds, that I had sworn myself to. I’d vowed, if only to myself, to use my station for righteous things. Good things.”

He took another breath, bemused by how much he was allowing himself to say. He had grown so used to his measured responses, only speaking when he was compelled to—a habit born out of clarified spite. Just as well, he never much liked the sound of his own voice. Even now, with no master or mistress to twist his words like a knife in his gut—save for Kaye, who was markedly his chief possessor, body, soul, and whatever lay between. ”In my servitude to Nicnevin," he continued, "I felt those virtues... slipping—no, tearing away from me, as the claws of a beast tear at the flesh of its prey. The…The things she commanded of me, Kaye—"

Shame seized his throat and strangled him silent. Nightmarish visions of blank death-stares turned whatever he might have said to rotten ash on his tongue, made him choke. His own blood thundered tumultuously in his ears.

The small body of a fae trampled beneath the hooves of his steed. A goblet sloshing with fresh crimson gore, coating the inside of his mouth in warm metal.

The terrified, pleading scream of the one he loved as his blade bit into her skin.

He mashed his eyes shut and gripped Kaye's hand tightly, desperately, in some hope that the action would wash away the horror of his own memory.

A feeble hope it was, because he knew the absolute, incontrovertible truth: those images would remain carved stone upon his mind's eye, tormenting him until he met his own inevitable end.

It took some time for him to pull himself out of the waking nightmare of his mind, but after forcing himself to swallow the bile searing the back of his throat, he went on; for Kaye's sake, because she deserved to know the truth, definitively.

And for his own, because he feared that now he had begun to syphon the poison, he could no longer keep it from devouring his soul.

"I… I believed that my time in the Night Court, carrying out whatever new task its queen dreamt up for me, each one more abhorrent than the last, had soured my nature. What I had convinced myself was a meticulously cultivated, unsulliable rectitude, Nicnevin befouled in less time than the blink of an eye.

"When you stumbled into those woods…" He leaned forward, the sudden, acute need to be closer to her driving him to shake, rattling his very bones. He let his forehead fall against hers; he was overwarm, and the comforting coolness of her skin calmed him. He closed his eyes again.

"I had been courting Death." Roiben avowed. "I pined for it, as one would pine for a soft bed at the end of a long journey. But you—" he paused, conjuring the memory of her kneeling before him, the trembling timidity in her hands as she grasped the branch jutting from his chest, "with your kindness, kindness I had not earned nor held any claim to, awakened something in me that I feared long dead."

He felt the gentle stroke of Kaye's fingers against his cheek. He opened his eyes to be met by her own, their depths no longer aflame with the unhinged ferocity he had seen in them previously. In its place was the same tender, empathetic gaze from that night in the woods—the one that had burrowed itself deep into the glacial prison encasing his heart.

"That is why I chose you." He brought her hand to his scarred chest, held it there against the reverberant palpitation beneath his sternum. "Because you have shown me that perhaps I am not as monstrous and irredeemable as I believed myself to be—that my soul is not the blackened, twisted thing I was convinced it had become.

"You have brought me back from the dead, Kaye Fierch, and never again shall I let a moment pass that would leave you to wonder anything different."

#gdi i loved writing this and also hate myself for it #my dude hurts enough in the fucking books like #did i really have to #even the sadistic side of me was like #'bruh you rly did that'#ok i've obsessed over this for weeks so i'm just gonna post it and later ofc find all the bits i wanna change lol #roiben #rath roiben rye #kaye fierch #kaye x roiben #tmft #mft #modern faerie tales #tfota #the folk of the air #tfota fanfic

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darkhymns-fic · 3 years

Text

Heroes & Thieves

Whether rich or poor, everyone has heard of the pair of dual-wielding masked thieves that roam both countries of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla - the Red Phantom and the Blue Angel. And of course, their frightening hound that would whisk them away into the middle of the night, leaving no trace behind. (Well, almost any trace, if one ignored the person-shaped holes that would decorated a ransacked mansion or vault).

But after breaking into a mansion with its overabundance of unopened presents, the famous thieves may have just met their match. Who was this weird ninja?

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel, Sheena Fujibayashi, Zelos Wilder, Noishe Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: Colette has her item thief arte, while Lloyd knows how to lockpick. Obviously, they should work together as thieves! This is basically that fic.

Around 8k of silliness and dastardly thievery (kinda). Let me know if you enjoyed!

Meltokio usually didn’t get quiet until late into the night. Nor did it get dark enough either, with the lampposts, powered by magitechnology, lighting up the cobblestone streets. Every lone passerby, usually a high noble that had stayed over at a gala party far too late, was illuminated by the soft glow on their path. Sometimes it would also be a merchant rushing back home after finally closing up shop, or a beggar trying to find a soft place to rest now that local guards of the upper level patrolled a bit less.

Still, even with night owls roaming the streets, there were pockets of shadows just out of the light’s reach. Perfect for hiding those who wished to stay hidden, who wished to be as stealthy as they could…

“I think this is the wrong street,” spoke a voice that broke the night’s stillness.

If one could hear the soft padding to the right of the pathway, they’d only catch the fleeting image of a creature on all fours, with two figures riding atop it. But when Noishe really, really tried, he could be as silent as he could, the pads on his feet minimizing all sound. Although, when his claws were too long, they tended to clack against stone…

Lloyd, hearing both Colette’s concerns and Noishe’s click-clacks , tried to problem-solve this in the span of a minute. He already had a map out, which he couldn’t see much because, well, it was really dark here when they were out of the light like this… “Are you sure? This place looks pretty fancy…”

“I think this is the shop district? Not the residential area!” Colette sounded apologetic, even as Lloyd was slowly realizing that she was very right, and that he was very wrong… The potion shop that they had just passed was a bit of a dead give-away.

“Argh, dammit… Okay, new plan!” Lloyd patted Noishe on the head, getting his attention. “Go up the stairs over here, okay boy?”

“I always worry we’re too heavy for him…” spoke Colette, even as Noishe followed instructions obediently (but not without a whine), loping across some bushes to get to the giant stone stairway, still keeping to the shadows as much as he could.

“Don’t worry, Noishe is strong! And he can run like the wind even with double us on top! I just… forgot to clip his nails earlier…”

Of course, the constant click-clack kept making Lloyd wince, but luckily, the guards were not really outside tonight. As they reached the top of the stairs, Lloyd noticed one castle guard standing by the great doors ahead, leaning on his pike, his snoring echoing inside his helmet.

Colette must have noticed Lloyd’s look, poking at his shoulder just then. “Lloyd…”

“Huh?” Lloyd started in guilt. “Ah I know… We’re not going to go to the castle… Not tonight at least…”

Colette nodded, her smile bright enough for him to see in the dark. Or it was probably just because his eyes had adjusted by now. It was really only that smile, along with the lower part of her face, that he could see clearly, everything else covered by a dark mask. Although, he could see how the moonlight reflected off her eyes. “Yeah, but we can next time!”

“Hehe, definitely.” Despite the fact that he and Colette were talking in normal-volume conversation, very few people were outside, so it was much easier to be sneaky now anyway. Facing once again into the night, Lloyd adjusted his own mask, keeping it more firmly in place. The night would mute the bright red he had insisted for its shade.

Noishe rushed faster down the street, past rows of what Lloyd could only describe as mansions, with their three-story heights, their marble balconies, their stucco designs and overflowing gardens that decorated what seemed to be a mini-plaza within what seemed to be a high-class cul-de-sac.

The people here were ridiculously wealthy, even more so than the other cities they had visited. It only further strengthened Lloyd’s resolve. He knew he was doing the right thing, even if…

“That’s the one,” Lloyd pointed a gloved hand towards one mansion in particular, more grand (Grander? Was that the right word?) than the rest. It’s salmon-pink walls seemed to gleam within the moonlight. The color was a weird choice, but it wasn’t like Lloyd understood rich people very well. “Er, or is it, Colette?”

“Um…” Colette perused through the map they had brought, finger angling down the paper. “I think so! Just before the end of Regal Street.”

“Alright, let’s go!” He winced again. “Sorry, I keep shouting…” They were supposed to be sneaky!

Lloyd also tried to move extra carefully as his swords strapped to his waist rattled, just a little bit at least. Maybe these swords were usually too big to sneak around with, but they were his trusty set, also having both of them would make him stronger anyway! Holding onto one of the hilts, he tried to tiptoe towards the home, his boots barely making a sound across the pavement.

Colette had less of an issue with her own weapons, her double chakrams strapped behind her back, hidden away so that no gleam could be seen off their surface. Lloyd had his own swords in his scabbards but they still weren’t exactly light…

She was also the first to slide off Noishe’s back but was the last to leave him. Lovingly petting his long ears and shushing his whines, she calmed him down enough to lay near a rosebush, hidden well-away from the lights on the road. “It’s okay, Noishe. We’ll be back.”

But once she rejoined Lloyd, he could see her own determination in her eyes, reflecting his. She was as serious about this as he was, her unbound hair slightly shifting with the breeze. “Ready.”

Lloyd nodded. “Okay.” From his pockets, he pulled out something small but sharp, grinning at Colette with a bit of excitement. “Wanna bet how long this will take me?”

“Hm,” Colette visibly pondered on the question, her face still half-shadowed from the dark. “6 minutes?”

“Way too long! I’ll get this done in 30 seconds flat!”

“Wow, good job, Lloyd! That’s amazing.”

“Congratulate me after I lockpick it first!”

But he was already motivated by Colette’s belief in him, already kneeling in front of the ornate door and looking over its way too fanciful lock. Lloyd ignored its gaudy color, already setting himself to work inserting both pin and pick to fiddle at its mechanisms.

No one could lockpick better than a blacksmith apprentice like himself after all!

“And…got it! Too easy!” Lloyd nearly punched his fist in the air victoriously before realizing that maybe now was not the best time. “Heh, sorry. So how long was that?”

Colette, looking just as excited as he with the released lock, stared off into space for a moment. “Um… oops. I forgot to count while you were doing it!”

Lloyd’s pride suddenly fell flat at that. “Aw, I really wanted to know if I beat my record.”

“Maybe you could try again?”

Lloyd, very much considering the option to lock himself out of the mansion, shook his head. “Nah, just remember for me next time, okay?”

While it was fun to play these games, they had some work to do! Games could wait!

Lloyd carefully pushed open the door, peering inside to find only darkness. He leaned in even more, and promptly bumped his head against what seemed to be coat hanger next to the door. “Ow. Why’s that there?”

But he got ahead of himself, once again quieting his voice to a near whisper as he turned to Colette. “Do you hear anyone?”

It was one of Colette’s many talents; few had as sensitive of hearing as she did and could put it to good use. So when she moved past the doorway, angling her head to detect any stray sound, Lloyd did his best to hold his breath so that she didn’t pick any noises from him instead.

After a moment, she shook her head. “Mm, I think the coast is clear!”

Lloyd could barely contain himself. With a grin, he rushed in (while carefully closing the door and also quieting his swords) to finally get a look at the place they were going to do work in tonight.

…And it was much, much bigger than he had anticipated.

“Wow…” Lloyd whispered, looking around the main lobby with the plush couches, the grand piano off in the corner, and a fancy portrait of a woman hanging off the right corner, as if wanting to be hidden from view. Both him and Colette softly tread across the tiled floors onto plush carpets. Barely a hush to their movements, the air so still. No nighttime servants or guards that hung around, which surprised Lloyd, but he took it as a positive sign.

Still, he couldn’t help but be a little shocked when he kept finding new things every time he turned his head. The fireplace to his left was massive, dwarfing his own back home! And it was made of expensive material too, with etchings in its stonework. This didn’t even compare to when he looked ahead and saw glass doors that led to even more rooms.

“This guy must be loaded!” Lloyd had to say, then once again winced. He really wasn’t good at being quiet… “Though I guess everyone on this street is technically…”

But at least he wasn’t the only one shocked. Colette looked around as well, blue eyes wide beneath her mask. “We might need to make several trips…” she suggested, already heading towards an ornate dresser, its drawer handles seeming to be made of gold. “Since there’s an upstairs too.”

“Agh, that’s gonna be annoying. Let’s just try to get everything we can in one go! Noishe can help carry the rest.”

With that, Lloyd unhooked a satchel he carried at his belt – and proceeded to loot every expensive item in sight!

“I call the living room!” he half-yelled, half-whispered as he rushed towards the left side of the room.

“Ah! No fair…” Colette whined but he could see her already rushing away to another part of the house to do her own job as well.

When it came to stealing, there were no better thieves than he and Colette! But only for high-class places like this, even though this place was probably the fanciest they had hit just yet.

A place like this has to have jewels…. Or vaults full of Gald! Lloyd passed by a table placed in the middle of the room, overflowing with what looked to be wrapped presents. Hm, was it okay for him to look through these? Some of them hadn’t even been opened, and presents felt somewhat different… Wait, why am I worried about that?

Lloyd didn’t find any vaults so far, but there was no lack of Gald in this house regardless. Some of it just seemed to be laying around the furniture, including the plush sofas (which he made sure to check in-between the couch cushions for!) and even some were inside the presents? Not a very creative gift, but at least he could take it easy…

By the time Lloyd decided to pick up some items, he heard Colette from behind him. “I’m all set!”

“Huh? Already?” Lloyd turned to Colette, clutching a few expensive-looking hairbrushes in both hands. The fact that he had found more than one hanging around the living room was already kind of odd. “I don’t get how you do it so fast!”

Colette had her own satchel filled with taken goods. Though he couldn’t see, he could hear the soft clink of porcelain, along with what must have been the clatter of Gald. “Hehe. I’m a pro at item thief, remember?”

“Yeah, that’s-“ Lloyd stopped, narrowing his eyes at Colette, then sighed when he noticed the bruise on her forehead. “Did you trip earlier?”

“Um…”

“Did you trip yourself on purpose?!” Lloyd moved to see if she had any more injuries, hands reaching out and, well, still holding onto the hairbrushes and may or may not have brushed her hair in the process. “Colette, you don’t need to hurt yourself just to pick up stuff!”

“But it’s much faster this way! And I’m more likely to succeed at getting stuff if I use it!”

“I don’t…really get that…” But then again, she was right. He had witnessed that plenty of times! He just wished she didn’t have to hurt herself in the process.

Colette adjusted her bag of stolen goods one more time, but he knew it wasn’t heavy for her at all. Already his back was aching at just looking at the weight of her satchel. “Ready to go, Lloyd?”

Lloyd looked around the room. Nothing much else except some of the presents, and the rest had been filled with spoiled fish. Rich people had weird tastes in gifts. “Yeah, but uh, you think you can take one of these brushes…?”

Lloyd didn’t even get to finish his sentence. He saw Colette’s eyes widen, saw her turn around. He knew what that meant.

“Someone’s here!” she whispered, setting her bag down to retrieve her weapons.

Lloyd finally had the thought to just drop the brushes and reach for his own swords – but not before several objects surrounded them both. They were small, just the size of his palm. They looked like paper cards…?

“Show yourselves!” shouted a voice. Suddenly, a light erupted from those floating cards around them.

“Gah!” Both Lloyd and Colette shielded their faces from the brightness, but it wasn’t enough to hide them away for long.

The voice had come from the stairway railing up above (they hadn’t even gotten to explore the second floor!) and there stood a black-haired woman in strange attire – but she looked on them both as if what they wore was even stranger!

“So… you’re the infamous thieves that’s been targeting all of Tethe’alla!” She held up another of those strange cards between her fingers. “Gotta say, surprised you didn’t get caught sooner with that get-up.”

“Huh?!” Lloyd looked back down at his outfit, not understanding what the problem was. “Hey, red is a good color!” he shouted back.

Indeed it was! Though Lloyd and Colette wore masks over their faces to keep their identities a secret, this red jacket, with its arrays of silver buttons and collar strips that flowed out of his collar, was the most comfortable he had ever worn. And it looked cool too!

…That said, it was pretty awesome that they were famous apparently! With pride, he stood up tall, one hand on his hip while the other held out both his thumb and forefinger, trying out his new pose that he’d been working on. “I mean, what else do you expect the Red Phantom Thief to wear?”

“Phantom?” The woman raised an eyebrow. “Wait, I thought you were the Red Robin.”

His cool pose instantly faltered. “What?! Why do people keep calling me that!?” What part of his cool persona had anything to do with a bird?!

“Look, it doesn’t matter! Both the Red Robin and the Blue Angel’s thieving days are over!”

“Oh, she got my name right though!” Colette waved at the lady, not as worried about hiding herself anymore. Though her outfit only had some accents of blue, the name still fit her well, along with the mask that more or less resembled wings, filigreed with azure in comparison to Lloyd’s crimson one. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“Colette, she’s trying to put us in jail…”

“Ah, I just thought we should still be nice, since she must only be doing her job…”

Sheena stomped on the railing, making it creak. “Stop whispering to each other, you criminals! You’re going to give back what you stole!”

“Oh… but we didn’t technically steal anything yet!” Colette piped in helpfully.

“Don’t admit it!” Lloyd whined.

“Sorry! Unless she means the other things we stole… but we don’t have them anymore…”

“Huh, that’s right… Are we supposed to carry all that stuff around?” Lloyd scratched at his head, thinking hard on the concept. “It’d be too heavy and Noishe wouldn’t be able to carry all that and us too…”

“Why do you guys keep ignoring me?!”

“Uh, sorry about that,” Lloyd said, voice a little subdued.

Colette bowed her head. “I’m sorry too!”

“That’s not- argh!”

With that, the lady clearly had enough. She leapt off the railing, flipping numerous times through the air which made the pink sash of her outfit flow along with her body. Lloyd and Colette watched in awe as she gracefully landed a few feet in front of them, feet just past an elegantly detailed carpet that was behind her. In all her motions, she barely missed a beat.

Colette clapped. “Wow, that was really good!”

Lloyd couldn’t disagree. “Yeah, no kidding! That was cool!”

The lady stumbled slightly, losing her graceful composure, even for just a second. “W-What? You guys are the strangest thieves I’ve come across.” She shook her head, staring hard at them once more. With how quiet she had moved, so quiet that not even Colette had heard her at first, Lloyd wondered if she would make a good thief too… That would be competition!

“The name’s Sheena Fujibayashi. I’ve been tracking you two down for quite some time. Going all over both Sylvarant and Tethe’alla territory. Heard you took a fortune from Palmacosta’s coffers, but you bit off more than you can chew by coming here.” She narrowed her eyes at them, sharp in her gaze. “Your thieving days are about to end.”

That had caught Lloyd off guard. “Huh? You’ve been spying on us? That’s rude!”

“Criminals don’t get a say in that! And it’s not rude!” Sheena scoffed a bit. “It doesn’t take a genius to know you’d try to rob this place out of all of them.”

Lloyd groaned. “But that was our secret plan!”

“I guess it’s not a secret anymore…” Colette said sadly.

“However…” Sheena said carefully. “What I don’t get is how you guys even got past Meltokio’s walls? All the gates are closed. Including the sewer!”

“Sewer?” Lloyd asked, but he was careful to not slip up on his and Colette’s escape route! A thief never revealed his secrets after all! Well, unless she somehow spied on that too… “You’re gonna have keep guessing on that!”

“Oh, I just tripped is all!”

Lloyd nearly fell on his face at Colette’s admission.

Sheena raised an eyebrow. “Tripped? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing! It has to do with nothing!” Lloyd tried to subtly signal to Colette. “We don’t know how we got here at all! Right, Colette?”

“…Oh, right! Hehe, messed up.” She laughed and stuck out her tongue playfully. “We don’t know anything!”

“…Okay…weird…”

Seeing Sheena’s initial confusion, Lloyd saw this as a good opportunity to try and escape. Giving a tiny nod to Colette to catch her attention, he tried to see if they could rush to the door quick enough…

“Not so fast!”

That was when Sheena made a quick motion with her hands – looking almost like a prayer except for the rapid succession of signals she did – and the same cards that hovered around them suddenly glowed red. Lloyd felt a strange weight on his body, as if someone had just dumped luggage right onto his shoulders.

“H-Hey!” he shouted. He tried to turn to Colette, but could barely do it! “Let us go!”

“With my seals, you’re not getting away. I was sent to stop you and that’s just what I’m doing.” Sheena looked a bit smug as she spoke, a smirk on her lips. “So don’t blame your fate on me.”

“I can do exactly that!” But even as Lloyd struggled, he couldn’t seem to break free. Whatever powerful bindings were in these paper cards, they were more than he could handle. Who knew paper could even be considered a threat!!

“And…why do you keep calling us thieves?” he threw out during his struggles. He felt he was loosening his foot a bit! Just a little bit though.

Sheena said nothing at all at first, practically speechless in her shock until she sputtered. “Because… that’s what you are?!”

Colette shook her head politely, from what Lloyd could tell. Actually, she didn’t seem to be as restricted as he was… “But we’re not thieves. We’re heroes for the less fortunate! Right, Lloyd?”

“Yeah!” he said, trying to nod and instead just… stretching a little. Good enough. “We don’t take the money for ourselves, but for those who need it most!”

“…That’s still stealing,” Sheena intoned. “You’re taking stuff from other people to do that. That’s still being a thief.”

“It’s way more than that!” Lloyd argued, never stopping in his struggle. “The Red Robin doesn’t steal for himself… Wait, I meant Red Phantom!” Dammit, now that dumb name was stuck in his head too!

“Even if that was the case, it doesn’t change what you’re doing right now.” Sheena stared at the bags of stolen goods that were on the floor, all gathered from Lloyd and Colette’s wandering hands. “Things like this… they can’t go unpunished. And if you’re stealing from this place, then I definitely have to stop you.”

Lloyd blinked. “Is this your home? Is that why you keep bringing it up?”

“Huh?! Who said anything about that! Don’t be stupid!”

What was up with that reaction? Lloyd only felt more confused now! “Okay, sorry…I was just saying stuff…”

“I see.” Colette’s voice was tranquil, moreso than Lloyd had expected. She really wasn’t worried they were basically trapped right now… “This home is important to you, because it belongs to someone you care about. I’m sorry. If we knew that, we wouldn’t have come here.”

“W-What the heck do you mean? I never said that!” Any smugness Sheena had now completely left her face, now replaced by confusion. “And how would you not coming here if you knew make any sense?!”

“She’s got a point, Colette… We didn’t even know her until now.”

“Oh, that’s right!” In her blue, angel-wing shaped mask, Colette scratched the back of her head, giggling. “But, if we did know each other before, I bet we would have been great friends!”

Sometimes Colette went off-tangent on a conversation so fast, that even Lloyd couldn’t keep up. “Have you been thinking about being friends with her this whole time?”

“Is that weird?”

“Not really, just… maybe not the best time-”

“You two seriously need to stop messing with me! Ugh.” With a groan, Sheena pulled out an array of cards from her sleeve, holding them up to her face as if she had her own deck of aces.

“Hold on! Back up a sec, it’s true what Colette said. We’re giving all the money we take to give to those who need the help.” Lloyd tightened his hold on his swords, bringing the blades close, or as close as he could. “Haven’t you seen this city? People just have all…all this …” He tried, but mainly failed, at gesturing to the display of wealth; to the fancy velvet drapes along the windows, to the tiled marble floors, to all those fancy presents on the table. “Yet they don’t worry or help those who are living in poverty right beneath them!”

Sheena hesitated, even if for only a moment. Did she think the same thing too? She must have known of those slums just within the city, of the multitude of poor villages where so many starved during the harsher seasons…

Lloyd had felt that even in Iselia, always hearing of the far-off city of Meltokio and its vast treasure trove of wealth. But knowing that even here, where some people dined in golden houses, there were others living in the mud. “You have to see that isn’t right at all!”

“Lloyd…” Colette’s soft voice tugged at his chest. He had let his emotions run off again, but it was true what he believed. Every word of it.

“I understand what you mean…” Sheena said – and then her voice grew hard, ruthless. “But that’s not for you to decide. You can’t know every person’s intentions with what they own. You can’t know how the owner here plans to use what he has…” She got into a stance, one that Lloyd had never seen before.

“And a thief is still a thief! But if you want, you can talk all about your grievances with the king.”

He really had no idea what to expect from her, especially from someone who fought with cards. Lloyd tried once again to move, but he felt like he was stuck in quicksand. His feet just stayed rooted to the floor. Aw man, and he thought he had been moving his left foot before! “Stop!” he called out as Sheena moved forward.

And then Colette moved forward too. Wait, she wasn’t trapped?

Sheena was just as shocked as Lloyd was. “H-How did you get out?!”

Colette stood in front of Lloyd, holding out her double chakrams in front of her. She blinked, and it seemed she would join with the others in their confusion. “Ah, was that supposed to happen? I’m sorry. I think your cards must’ve missed me!”

Oh goddess, sometimes Lloyd really couldn’t believe Colette’s luck! (And his own unluckiness when it came to these situations.)

Sheena seemed to be on the same page there. “I missed?! Well… I won’t this time!” Sheena’s cards in her hand began to glow. “You can have a taste of one of my Guardians if you-!”

“Ah, whoops!”

Really, Lloyd should have expected what would happen next.

Colette tried to move to the side as much as she could, while also still covering for Lloyd who stayed frozen in time. Clearly she didn’t want to hurt Sheena at all, but also wanted to protect Lloyd. The brief conflict of indecision made the tip of her boot catch the edge of one of the many plush rugs that covered the first floor of the mansion.

“Watch out!” She tried to warn her enemy (or friend?), but Colette was already tackling right into Sheena who, by the force of the push, practically flew back down to the rug-covered floor.

That was when the rug seemed to pull right into the center where Sheena fell, further and further until-

“How did you know about my back-up trap NOOOOOO!!” But Sheena’s words were replaced by screams as she fell right into a strange makeshift pit that seemed to have been dug right into the mansion’s tiled floors.

“Oh.. I messed up…” Colette said, realizing what she’d done.

By then, the cards hovering around Lloyd drifted down to the floor, releasing him from their invisible binds. Lloyd wobbled on his feet, his previous struggling nearly making him kick out wildly in the air before he regained balance. “Whoa…” He shook his head, never wanting to be put in that weird situation. “Uh, did she just…fall…?” He leaned over to what looked like to be a giant hole in the ground, right in front of him. “And how is this even here?” He had so, so many questions. Maybe he wasn’t as unlucky as some people…

Colette was kneeling on the edge of the floor, her face so full of worry, clearly seen even through her mask. “Is she okay? I didn’t mean to do that at all…”

Lloyd shook out the previous stiffness from his limbs, sheathing his swords before walking towards Colette, kneeling with her. “Well, I mean she was going to arrest us. And she was going to fight you too!”

Colette pouted, hands clasped before her, still staring into that dark pit that seemed to have no bottom. But really, how did they even make a pit inside this mansion in the first place?! Maybe it was another rich people thing…

As she kept staring down, Lloyd gently placed his hand on her shoulder, getting her attention. “Lloyd, should we call for help?”

He sighed. “That’s…going to be kinda hard with what we were doing.”

Colette, lover of puppies and doggies, was able to pull off the look of the animal she so adored. Lloyd could barely resist that gaze.

“Agh, alright, alright! Maybe we can leave a note for the guards nearby or-”

“Hunnyyyy~!” called a voice from upstairs, freezing Lloyd’s words right in his throat, as if he had just been imprisoned again. “You there? What’s all the noise about?” The voice yawned in mid-sentence, its tone so casual and airy.

Lloyd stood up quickly, grabbing Colette’s arms to bring her up with him. “See? Help is on the way! Now let’s get out of here!”

“Ah, if you’re sure-” but Colette barely got to finish her sentence before footsteps echoed from above. Both of them grabbing their satchels of stolen goods (Lloyd with one, Colette with about five), they rushed through the door, as stealthily as they could!

…Until Colette dropped a few expensive plates from her satchel onto the floor. “Ah!” Crash crash kerplow!

The casual voice from upstairs shifted gears then. “What the hell-”

“Colette, leave those!” Lloyd grabbed Colette by her free… er, overcoat flaps on her back, since both her hands were a bit occupied carrying things. They made it out to the doorsteps, the night sky still dark. “We just gotta find Noishe and-”

…And their dog was nowhere to be found in the bushes they had left him in.

Lloyd sighed even more this time, the action pulling out his very soul from the pit of his stomach. “He ran away again!”

Colette’s tone held a bit of a reprimand in it, rare as it was. “You know he gets scared by himself, Lloyd.”

“But he whines too loudly to bring him inside houses!” Another sigh, but smaller this time. He adjusted the satchel easier on his shoulder. “Guess we’re hoofin it.”

“Okay,” Colette nodded. She piled on her bags onto her shoulders as if they were just a bunch of stuffed animals she carried around. “Where to first?”

Lloyd shot her a grin. “To where we can make all this flashy stuff finally useful.”

And like two thieves in the night – which they were not! – both Lloyd and Colette rushed off, past sleeping guards that never knew what happened.

Zelos had only just heard the commotion a little bit ago. Usually, he was a bit of a night-owl, but not this time when he had to just wait instead of having any fun…

So he might have slept through his time, for a little while, and he might have an angry Sheena on his hands because of that… But it couldn’t have gone that bad, right?

That was answered for him when he finally leaned over the banister and saw the giant, carved-up hole in the middle of his downstairs floor. “Uh,” he uttered, trying to remember if this had been part of the plan Sheena had detailed to him earlier. “Hunny?”

A brief pause before the voice of what sounded like a haunted spirit floated up from that pit. “Where the hell have you been?”

Zelos grinned, quickly leaping over the banister to land expertly on his slippers. (He forgot to put on his shoes). He was just a few feet away from the hole. “Catching up on my beauty sleep, what else?”

“You were supposed to stand by and back me up! You idiot! I-” But the ghostly voice was interrupted by a strangled screech. Zelos straightened up immediately, the hint of any smiles completely erased from his face.

He reached down, grabbing Sheena’s hand before she fell, fingers gripping tightly over his wrist. He had seen her hanging onto an outcropping in whatever pit she had made before she lost her hold. With sudden adrenaline, Zelos pulled her out, kneeling beside her as she finally made it to safe ground.

Sheena panted, one hand pressed against the floor while the other stayed locked with Zelos’. After a moment, she raised her head, staring hard at him.

The saucy grin came back to him so easily. “Thought you said you wouldn’t fall for me,” he teased.

She ripped her hand from his grip to curl it into a fist and give him a deserved smack against his shoulder. “Are you serious?!”

“Ow! Well if you’re going to be rough with me…”

“You call that rough?” Sheena got to her feet, face completely red, and already Zelos could tell she was stuck in several shades of embarrassment now. “You don’t even ask me how it went! ”

Zelos shrugged, knowing that would only anger Sheena further, knowing that would only make her feel like she failed even when she hadn’t at all. But it was the best action he had right now. The downstairs also looked a bit… empty, for lack of a better word. Certain knick-knacks seemed to be missing from their shelves, and he might have been missing a few presents actually?

“What’s there to know?” he asked, also standing up, face as serene as water. Most nobles of Meltokio were generally laid back, but Zelos had such a relaxed nature at times that he knew others found unsettling.

With Sheena though, she just got more annoyed. “Do you even care?! Months of tracking them down and planning and this is what happens… We could have avoided this if you were actually nearby like I said to be!”

Zelos held up his hands to her. “Whoa, whoa! Calm down, babe. It’s not the end of the world! I mean… maybe the pit wasn’t the best idea, just throwing that out there.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Sheena ran her hands through her hair, groaning and looking ready to fall right back into that pit. “Of all the times I had to trip!”

When she yelled, he knew it was mostly aimed at herself then at him, most of the time anyway. So he didn’t take it to heart, watching the words prick herself. “But you still got them tracked, don’t you?”

Sheena let down her hands and sighed. “Yeah… Corrine is still following them. They don’t sense him at least.”

“See now? Gotta keep things on the bright side!” Zelos deftly walked around the pit, eyeing again the empty tables. Most of the stuff was replaceable anyway, though his eyes strayed to a certain painting hidden away in a corner. Interesting. Maybe they didn’t think it was valuable enough to take? Or maybe it was just too big to carry? Zelos wasn’t sure how to feel on that at least.

“Besides,” he said, turning back to Sheena with a flourish. “Not like we were actually going to arrest them anyway.”

Sheena frowned, but she didn’t deny it. Instead, she only looked more and more frustrated, her right eyebrow twitching. “I know that. But they didn’t.” Sheena paused, also noting the stolen items, leaving the lower floor of the mansion nearly barebones except for the furniture. “I still don’t understand.”

“Understand what?” Zelos asked, purposefully acting the fool and knowing that she knew.

“What you’re aiming for. We had orders from the Pope… You’re really sure he won’t find out?”

“Hey, if I was sure of anything, I probably wouldn’t even be here.” He winked at her. “But that’s why you wanted to be part of my master plan, right? Gets you excited.”

“I’m excited to kick you right in the kneecaps if that’s what you’re aiming for.”

Zelos laughed, the sound echoing even more harshly in the open room without all the clutter in the way. “See? You have so much energy!”

“I’m only going along with this because I don’t trust the Pope… Even less than I trust you.” Sheena scuffed the bottom of her heels against the floor, truly getting the ‘disgruntled bodyguard to a carefree playboy’ right down to the details. “But we’re going to have keep tracking them so you can finally get to have that talk you want.”

“Perfect! Then we just need a do-over, how hard is that?”

Sheena rolled her eyes. “But now they’re onto us. And why would they talk to us now when they think we’re enemies?”

“Trust me, we can’t have it any other way.”

He knew Sheena was trying so hard to make sense of his logic. “And this is why I still can’t understand you.”

“Then it’s all going according to plan then.”

And Zelos was ready to get his plan into action, but there was, maybe, just one tiny hurdle they had to deal with right now.

“Seriously though, how did you even manage to dig a hole in my floor?” And also, was she covering this? But he didn’t ask that.

“I have my ways of doing things, and you have yours,” she said in a huff. “It’s not even that deep of a hole…”

“…You certainly made it sound like it was.”

“I was just flustered, alright?!” She groaned. “This hole was supposed to be a backup plan… These guys must have known somehow! That’s why they tripped me…”

Zelos nodded, but if truth to be told, he only half-believed her. Sheena was so clumsy, but only at the worst times. Life was tough on the girl.

“Okay, but uh, we’ll need to have this fixed pronto. Don’t want ol’ Sebastian to fall in while he takes care of the place while I’m away.”

Sheena swerved on him immediately. Yes, he could already tell what his plan was. And why she didn’t like this at all. “No, you don’t mean…”

With an ecstatic smile, Zelos wrapped Sheena up in his arms, scooping her off her feet. “That’s right! I’m coming along to chase them down right with ya, hunny~!”

Honestly, even with the bone-crunching punch he received just after, it was worth it.

Sometimes you need to sacrifice a little comfort to go and help change the world, after all.

There was something about the Meltokio slums that reminded Lloyd of home, even as he and Colette’s boots would get stuck to the muck of the roads occasionally, or when they’d nearly slipped down the stone steps because it was damaged, city never sending in workers for repairs. (Okay, it was Colette who had slipped, and Lloyd had to quickly catch her, along with the numerous satchels she carried).

The air was quiet as any other part of the city, but the atmosphere of it was on edge, a bit frenzied. Lloyd saw a few eyes peek through the slats of a much too small window. The roof was caved-in, the boards rotted from mildew and infestation most likely.

Once they made it down one road, where it was too squared in by the buildings on either side, the mud building up even more around here – Lloyd signaled for Colette to stop.

“This is as good a place as any,” he said, putting down his own satchel to the muddy ground. Some of it splashed on his cool red jacket. He sighed, but now was not the time to be worried about that stuff.

Colette nodded, putting down her own multiple bags with barely any trouble. “You still think it’s not enough?”

Lloyd looked through the opening of his bag, took a moment, and shrugged. “Maybe for a little bit… I need to step up my own game to catch up to you.”

“It’s okay, Lloyd! I was following your lead the whole time.” Her mask reflected the moonlight, shining both azure and pink. It almost looked like she was ready to go to a fancy costume party with it on – and he wondered if he seemed the same way.

He cleared his throat, opened the bag more, then called out to one of the raggedly-dressed children he could see hiding behind the corner of a building. “Hey! Can you get everyone to come here?”

The child was speechless at first, looking ready to flee. But then they stopped, moving a bit into the light when they saw just who the pair was. “Who… Wait, you’re the Red Phantom?” A turn of their head, gazing at Colette. “And the Blue Angel!”

Ha! They got my name right! Just one other reason why the ruling rich class was no good if they couldn’t even remember the right titles.

Lloyd stood with a flourish, hand up in his signature gesture, with thumb out and pointer finger aligned towards the sky. He flashed a grin at the child. “That’s right! We came here to help.” And with that, he reached into the bag, pulling out what looked like a fistful of pure light to the child.

The child’s eyes widened, more pronounced on their weathered, somewhat pale face. Perhaps from so many nights of hunger and cold temperatures. It only hardened Lloyd’s resolve.

“I’ve… never seen so much Gald!” they breathed. Lloyd could barely tell their face in the dark, but the wonder in their eyes was all too recognizable, too familiar. There was sudden life in the face, compared to before. “Who is that for?”

He didn’t make a show of it this time. Lloyd said it seriously, remembering what he was here for.

“They’re for everyone in the slums. So you don’t go hungry.”

The child gawked at Lloyd, then back the precious coins he held in his hand. “But…this is too much. And the shops are closed anyway…”

Colette piped in, kneeling beside the child. “There should be a few open tonight! Especially the one nearby the inn. Do you know that one?”

One could almost hear a stomach grumble in the night at the mention of food. “The place with the Wonderchef?! We could eat there…?”

Lloyd nodded, carefully taking the child’s hand and giving him the money. “Show your family this if they’re doubting. But we should have enough for everyone in the slums.”

Maybe it was the way the kid’s eyes welled up at that moment, or maybe when he saw more and more people start to gather later, getting up from their beds to see if the rumors of charitable not-thieves were true – but Lloyd felt every burden lift up from his heart as he and Colette gave all that they could sell, all that they could gather.

And all while the rich up top continued to slumber away the night.

They didn’t stay long, as some residents would say later that the masked duo whisked away into the shadows the moment they dropped the very last Gald into an outstretched hand. Lloyd and Colette didn’t give any more words or speeches, this time moving just as silently as they did when they had been up on the higher levels.

… No one would notice them both now in the quieter part of the great city, both seating themselves on one of the many marble arches, watching the sky with its familiar patterns.

“It’s amazing we could sell what we could on the same night thanks to Professor Sage,” Colette commented, her voice a little winded from moving so much tonight. But there was something proud in her tone too, something that Lloyd could relate to right now.

It really was surprising just how much Raine knew of a few connections, like certain dealers that could take a few treasures and exchange them for Gald. Lloyd and Colette couldn’t always estimate just how valuable their goods were, so it was helpful their old teacher knew just how much…

“As long as we get her those relics while we’re out doing this, huh?” Lloyd said aloud, inwardly groaning at the idea of going to another stuffy ruin next. “Maybe we should just look for lost treasure in those places ourselves and sell them. Last time she got so scary when we gave her stuff, I thought she was going to steal us next!”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound too bad.” Colette winked. “We’d never be late to classes!”

“Colette, this is like my worst nightmare, please.”

Even a small tease felt too real, even as he couldn’t stop grinning from what they had accomplished tonight. Lloyd leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky. It stretched out, so long and dark, its wide array of stars taking over everything.

Still, he had to wonder.

“Colette… do you think what we’re doing is right?”

Colette moved to seat herself closer to him (or tripped, he couldn’t really tell), her expression thoughtful. “I’ve always believed in what you were doing, Lloyd… That you wanted to help people. And you are!”

“I know, I guess somehow.” The little nagging voice in his head kept repeating itself – and it sounded exactly like that strange lady they had met at the mansion before she fell into her own pit. “But maybe there is a better way to do it. And I know dad wasn’t a big fan of the idea of us doing all this either.” With that, he puffed out his chest, clenched both fists, and did the best impression of his dwarven father that he knew how. “Dwarven vow number eleven! Lying is the first step down the path to thievery! Also, eat your tomatoes, lad!”

“Wow, you sounded exactly like him, Lloyd!”

“Heh, thanks. I’ve been practicing a lot.” The trick was getting the gentle raspiness of his father’s voice just right! No easy feat.

But even that brief little ego boost couldn’t last, remembering the meaning of what he just said. “I guess I haven’t exactly been following those vows. Although… I didn’t really lie! Er, that much, I mean.”

“Hm.” Colette tapped a finger against her chin, thinking on his statement so much, and so seriously, that it was kinda worrying Lloyd a bit?

“Hey, you don’t have to think about it that much…”

“Oh! But I just wanted to find a way to help you.”

“Yeah, but now I’m thinking I definitely did something wrong here if it’s got you worried.”

She shook her head. They were both no longer wearing their masks now after their delivery to the poor of Meltokio, and now Lloyd could see the fullness of her eyes. It was a blue of a lighter shade, like a water’s surface during a sunrise. When she wore her mask, he couldn’t see that as much. Maybe they didn’t need to wear their masks all the time…

“I’m not really worried,” she was saying, her breath held rhythmically. She was choosing carefully what she would say next. “It’s just… In this world, there’s not much we can do otherwise, you know? So many people are suffering, and yet, those who have the power to change it, they just… don’t do it. Or they don’t care to. We can’t rely on them.”

From Colette’s words, Lloyd heard his own thoughts echo back. Some people, like his dad, could depend on himself, from building his own home to even taking in a human child that he barely knew. But not everyone could do that, he knew.

“There’s another vow your dad says all the time.”

“Huh? Oh, you mean…” He sighed, but the smile on his face was full of gratitude. “Never abandon someone in need.”

“Yep. And, I think we’ve been doing that the best that we can.” She grinned, a lock of her hair falling across her cheek. “Even if we’re using money from those higher up to do so!”

“Not like that money is being used for anything else! All that Gald was literally just sitting there!”

“Yeah! Though I guess we don’t know if they were going to use it on something good… Maybe they were going to donate that same money!”

“What?! Aw man, now you’re making me question it, Colette!”

But she simply laughed, the sound traveling through his chest and somehow making his heart feel a little less heavy. He smiled, laughing with her.

“Fine, let’s just say we did it faster for them,” Lloyd reasoned. “So now that family can eat tonight.”

“Yeah. Maybe…someday we can do it differently. But I like doing it your way!”

“Honestly, this wouldn’t have turned out so well without that item thief move of yours. I can lockpick but that’s kind of it…”

“And you’re the best at it! You beat your whole record by ten seconds!”

“Hey, I thought you didn’t count it last time!”

“Hm… maybe I just wanted to tease you.”

“Mean, Colette!”

But their continued laughter finally brought back someone familiar; the soft padding of feet along the pavement below them, with a whine that echoed throughout the night. Lloyd wouldn’t even chide Noishe this time, his mood lightening up much more than since when they left that mansion.

“Come on, boy,” he called out gently, and Noishe loped forward, putting his great head against Lloyd’s outstretched hands. A few scratches here and there and the dog’s fluffy tail began wagging, even as his whines continued. “It’s okay. Just bring us home, alright?”

“Will Dirk be awake now?” Colette asked, also patting Noishe along his back, fingers digging through the green fur. Colette would never pass up an opportunity to pet the whining animal.

“Probably… Let’s just sneak inside, we’re good at that! Uh, maybe we are.”

Colette already climbed atop Noishe’s back, the action as natural to her as tripping. “We can get him something from here, like a souvenir!”

Lloyd climbed on too, giving one last scratch behind Noishe’s left ear. “It’ll have to be something we bought and not stole, and I forgot to buy things… I’ll just make him something on the way!”

Meltokio’s walls were high, but there were many hidden cracks in their foundations. Some brought on by the ravages of time, some from disrepair or a lack of maintenance…

… and then some made from a person plainly tripping into a wall. Already as Noishe was rushing along the city, they saw it – that tell-tale Colette-shaped hole, from when she had tripped across an upturned grass tuft and tumbled right into stone like it was nothing.

At the sight, he could hear Colette make a sound full of embarrassment. “I hope I didn’t ruin this wall…”

“No way, it’s fine! Besides, this turned out for the best!” Lloyd would have to squeeze through it himself, as the hole wasn’t exactly his height, but even in Colette’s tumble, she had made sure to make her accident luckier than most.

And just as they finally made it out of the city, and were once again on open plains, with the stars so much brighter without the constant lights from below, so much wider that one could see the silhouette of the Fooji Mountains up ahead, Lloyd turned to Colette.

“Thanks, Colette.”

He knew the words had caught her off guard. Without her mask on, the flush on her cheeks was so much more obvious. Her eyes were bright from the two moons overhead. “Ah, for what?”

“For reminding me of what we’re really doing. I started questioning everything but, I know that we’re doing good. Especially having you with me.”

And maybe, it was kind of cute, her blush, and the way she looked at him just now. “I really do help you, Lloyd?”

“Yeah, of course! I’d have gotten caught on my first job if you weren’t there to tell me that people were still inside that one house.”

“Ah, right. You were just about to barge right in there!”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!”

Colette’s hands reached out to grasp Lloyd by the shoulders, balancing herself as Noishe walked. She did this all the time, but it felt different now, like the sky overhead, and the air so brisk against their skin. “But… thank you too, Lloyd. You gave me a way to help people.”

He grinned. “Then let’s keep doing it then.”

And they would, on another night, at another place. But for now, they let Noishe lead them on, past the mountains and for the trees far off in the horizon. Her hands on his shoulders kept him steady until the morning came.

...Yet in all that time, neither noticed the little shadow that trailed after them, its normally colorful fur of azure and orange now muted within the shadows it hid inside.

Sheena is counting on me, thought Corrine, his soft pads making no sound at all as he leapt after the thieves and their dog. It may have been fast, but Corrine could catch up, sensing them from way further behind.

Still, he followed, a small ringing in the dark.

#tales of symphonia #lloyd irving #colette brunel #sheena fujibayashi #zelos wilder #fanfiction

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flowersandskeletons526 · 4 years

Text

“Aftermath” - Glitra Fanfic Part 1

Hey everyone! This is my first time writing a fic and since season 4 was agonizing, I’m coping! This is part one of the fic, set after Glimmer and Catra are rescued from Horde Prime and the war ends. Sorta canon divergent. Hopefully on ao3 soon. Enjoy!

--------

It never occurred to Catra that it would storm in Brightmoon.

The lightning flashes pale blue through the rain, nothing like the savage red of the black garnet the first time she tried to destroy the world. The memory makes her twist inside, dragged back to all every mistake she made during the war. It’s over now, and she reminds herself of that every day. The Horde is disbanded, Horde Prime is dead, and Etheria is safe. It brings her small comfort, but now she is in unfamiliar territory, living in the castle of Brightmoon and sitting by the queen while she changes her bandages.

Glimmer’s hands still have the slightest tremble from their time as Horde Prime’s prisoners. Everyone has noticed, Catra is sure of that, just as everyone noticed the way her claws never retracted, but no one mentions anything. No one but the two of them, sitting in silence across from each other in their suddenly overabundant spare time. It’s the only time either of them get anything reminiscent of normalcy. Ever since the princesses rescued them from that ship, everyone has been tiptoeing through the tension to avoid upsetting their precious queen. Meanwhile, Catra has been busy tiptoeing around everyone else.

Flexing her hand, Catra tries to control her breathing as her ear twitches. Glimmer keeps her eyes down as she dabs a wet rag across the stitched gashes on Catra’s arm. Her crown is set aside with Catra’s mask. She is covered with scuffs and scrapes, bandaged and bruised but still standing, for the most part. One eye is surrounded by a healing bruise from when she mouthed off to Horde Prime during their imprisonment. Facing the memory makes Catra’s hair stand on end.

A sharp pain pulses through her arm. She bares her teeth and hisses, yanking away from Glimmer. The queen holds her hands up. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “Is it still that bad?”

“It is when you press on it like that!” Catra snaps.

“Well then stop moving your arm!” Glimmer shoots back. She takes a deep breath and grinds her teeth. “I won’t do it again. Just come back here already.”

Catra purses her lips as Glimmer swipes the cloth across the healing wound again. She finds herself leaning into the silence of the moment, trying to ignore the gnawing in her guts as she watches the queen. She tilts her head.

“Why?” she bursts out.

“Why what?” Glimmer asks without looking up.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because this needs to be cleaned and you won’t let anyone else touch you.” Glimmer shakes her head. “I still can’t believe you bit the medic.”

“Glimmer.”

The queen whips her head up. She could count the times Catra has used her real name on one hand. The last time she did…

Catra’s eyes are dull and heavy as she meets Glimmer’s stare. “Why are you helping me?”

Glimmer grimaced and lowered her head. “You know why,” she whispered. She reached out to touch the edge of a cut showing from beneath the bandages on Catra’s face. “You nearly died getting us out of there. I’m just repaying that.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“What do you want me to say, Catra?”

Catra lowers her head. “I don’t know.”

They fall into silence as Glimmer wraps bandages around her arm. One side of her face is cast in shadow by the fire in the hearth. She has a fireplace in her room? Catra thought the first time Glimmer invited her in. After sharing a room with a dozen other cadets, even her officer’s quarters seemed massive, but the castle was ridiculous.

Glimmer ties the bandages and lets go of Catra’s arm. “There. You’re going to have to let someone else come near you to take the stitches out.”

“I don’t like them,” Catra grumbles.

“Why not?”

“They treat me like I’m gonna break if they touch me.”

“That’s called being gentle, Catra. They’re medics, it’s their job. What did medics do in the Horde, beat you more?”

“They bandaged you up, gave you a pill, and sent you back to training.”

Glimmer frowns and stands, turning away. “Well, here you’ll actually have time to recover.”

“Yay.”

“Do you remember where your room is or do you want me to walk you back?”

“Aw, done with me already, Sparkles?”

Glimmer hesitates. “Do you want to stay?”

Catra straightens. She hoped for a push back, a snap, something sharp like their relationship before everything happened, but now Glimmer’s just… trying.

Trying to fix things. She tries to fix things with Adora, she tries to fix the damage the war left behind, and she tries to at least foster the odd bond they now share. She doesn’t try to fix Catra, though. Catra wonders where she would even begin if she could.

She grits her teeth. “I remember where the room is. I can find it on my own.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

It’s too cold alone in her room. She curls in on herself on the hard mattress - Adora suggested it when she couldn’t stand the mass of pillows and feathers the room came with - and buries herself in blankets. Staring out the window, she watches the storm rage. It started raining when they returned home, and it seemed like the clouds never left.

She found Glimmer standing on a balcony one day while exploring the castle. It was sprinkling, and the wind bit through Catra’s clothes. The rain clung to Glimmer’s hair like little crystals and dripped over her skin, her simple tunic fluttering around her. It was the first time since she became queen that Catra had seen her without the cape and crown to mark her status, just the piercings in her ears and the shadows under her eyes. It startled her how young she looked with it.

“You’re gonna catch something standing out there, Sparkles,” Catra called, shivering on the edge of the balcony.

“I thought cats don't like water,” Glimmer replied without turning.

“What are you even doing out there?”

“Thinking.”

“Think inside.”

“Leave me alone, Catra.”

“No.”

It made Glimmer turn and relent, and they sat together in Glimmer’s room by the fire in silence until Adora came to get the queen. The warrior gave Catra an odd look. Catra simply turned away.

And now she lies alone, watching the rain.

She is too exhausted to fight sleep. It settles in her bones and drags her into twisted dreams that she can’t escape from. She sees blood and fire, Horde Prime’s wild green eyes as he claws his way towards her in the wreckage of his ship, dead clones littering the scene. Most of all, she sees Glimmer. She sees her covered in blood and bruises. She hears Glimmer screaming her name.

On the worst nights, Glimmer’s blood is on Horde Prime’s talons and Catra is powerless to do anything.

Shooting upright, she screams in terror, covered in a cold sweat. Her wounds ache as pain pulses through her body, and it takes her a few minutes before she is able to pry her claws out of the edge of the mattress.

Someone knocks on her door. She jumps, her claws extending again before she calmed down.

“What?” she snaps.

“It’s me,” Glimmer calls through the door. Catra doesn’t respond. “Can I come in?”

“Do what you want.”

Glimmer closes the door behind her and leans her back against it. “You couldn’t sleep either?”

“What does it look like?”

Glimmer rolls her eyes, sitting beside Catra as she scoots to make room on the edge of the bed. She wanted to reach out and grab Glimmer, check her for new wounds in case not everything was in her imagination, but all she saw was blood when she looked at the queen. Instead, she stares at her feet and they sit in silence.

Glimmer sighs and lifts her head. “I can’t sleep alone anymore,” she admits.

“Is that why you look like that?” Catra teases, trying to force the lingering images from her mind.

Mustering a smile, she nudges Catra with her shoulder. Catra pushes back.

After a moment of hesitation, Glimmer corrects herself. “I can’t sleep without you there anymore.”

The admission yanks Catra back to the ship.

----

“If you touch me, you’re going straight to the floor,” Catra snapped, snarling at Glimmer over her shoulder.

“The feeling’s mutual,” Glimmer shot back. She and Catra lied on the thin bunk in their cell back to back, and Glimmer shifted as far away from the other girl without falling to the ground. “I can’t believe that of all people on Etheria, I’m stuck in this tiny little hellhole with you.”

“You’re the one that got us here, Sparkles.”

“And you sent the first message to Horde Prime.”

Catra growled and pressed herself to the wall. “Just shut up and sleep,” she grumbled. Glimmer kicked her leg. “Sparkles, I swear, you will be on the floor!”

Glimmer sneered. “Whoops.”

Catra woke up first the next morning. She shoved Glimmer off the bunk when she realized she had curled up against the queen in her sleep.

----

“Catra?” Glimmer asks.

She looks up. “What?”

“Are you alright? I’ve been trying to get your attention and you were just staring into space.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, I was just thinking.” She clenched her fist. “Do you… do you want to sleep in here tonight? Just back to back like on the ship. It might help.”

Glimmer nods. Catra lies down on one side while Glimmer stretches out on the other, both seeking the warmth of the other pressed against them. The contact is calming, not that either would admit it. Catra grinds her teeth and screws her eyes shut. Even safe in her castle, Glimmer still shakes. Reaching behind her, she grabs Glimmer’s hand. It does little to quell the tremors, but it is something, at the very least.

“I keep dreaming of you,” Catra says into the darkness. Glimmer squeezes her hand. “I think that Horde Prime got to you before I could after the ship went down.”

“I’m still here,” Glimmer says.

“I know that.”

Glimmer shifts, turning so she can see Catra out of the corner of her eye. “Have you talked to Adora? She learned how to deal with nightmares after she first got here.”

“We tried talking. It’s not working.”

She doesn’t say how their “talk” ended up as a screaming match, each blaming the other for everything that happened. She doesn’t tell her how Adora grabbed her arm and she nearly threw the warrior halfway across the room in sheer panic. Adora gathered her composure, sticking around just long enough to hear Catra’s apology before they parted ways. She shredded the curtains in her room and screamed and cried in frustration all night.

The wounds are still too raw. It wasn’t like making up with Glimmer, where there wasn’t so much history behind it and they had no choice but to figure it out, isolated together as they were.

“Scorpia and I are going to talk tomorrow,” she says. “I already talked to Entrapta. As far as I can tell, we’re okay enough, but it’s also Entrapta. She doesn’t hate me, I know that. I just have to get over my own thoughts about it.”

“That’s good,” Glimmer replies.

“Did you talk to Adora?”

“Not yet. I talked to Bow, but I did more damage with Adora than I did with him.”

“We’ve got that in common.”

“Pretty shit thing to have in common.”

“No kidding.”

They turn to face each other at the same time, lying on their backs with only a few inches between their faces, hands clasped. The heat coming off Glimmer cuts through the chill that froze over Catra when she found herself on Horde Prime’s ship.

Although she wants to believe otherwise, Catra can’t shake the feeling that this will disappear once everything is back to normal. On Prime’s ship they were alone. Here, they might as well be. With all of their bridges burned, they find themselves stuck on an island with only their own mistakes and each other to lean on. Catra knows that eventually Glimmer will stop coming to her when she can’t sleep, and she will stop finding herself sitting in silence in the queen’s quarters.

She won’t need a crutch forever, Catra thinks.

“What are you thinking about?” Glimmer asks.

Catra lets go of her hand and rolls over. “Nothing. Night, Sparkles.”

“Goodnight, Catra.”

#glitra #catra #glimmer #spop #She Ra #she ra netflix #she ra season 4 #adora #scorpia #probably some one-sided glimmadora in the future parts but not this one #angst #based on a bad comic I drew #hoo boy did season 4 hurt #bow

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transgalthoughts · 3 years

Text

What if it was only going to be a phase, until everything else happened.

In primary school I was extensively bullied. Physically and verbally. I often ended up crying. The issue is no one gave a shit. The verbal bullying was mostly from girls, and the physical from boys. I remember once saying something back to one of the girls who frequently made me cry that made her cry, and I got chastised heavily for it by the teacher. The teacher never cared when she or any of the other girls or boys made me cry.

I was also attacked quite a lot by my brother at home who was 3 and a half years older than me. He would really beat the shit out of me sometimes, and I'd be scared for my life. I remember one time lying on my back on the floor with him pinning my arms down with his arms and his knee on my neck, my eyes slowly closing involuntarily before he decided to get off me. This all happened with other adults around and sometimes in the same room my Mum, my Dad, family friends etc. "Boys will be boys". I would sometimes beg them to help and scream that I was so scared he was gonna kill me this time but they would never care enough to do anything more than leave the room.

So I was abused extensively as a teenager by my Mum, with my Mother consistently reminding me that no one would ever believe I was an abuse victim because I was male. This was proven absolutely correct when she once got drunk and called the police on me when I was 15 because I refused to come out of my room. They arrived, asked her what was going on and she said I was abusing her. They came into my room and told me that I might be a child now but if I hit my mum when I reached 16 they would arrest me and I would have a criminal record for the rest of my life. I said I have never once hit her ever, but I have photos of injuries that she has inflicted upon me and witnesses of this happening. She clarified to them that I had been "emotionally abusing" her by refusing to come out of my room, not even for meals, and never talking to her. I told them again that I have photos of injuries she has inflicted upon me and witnesses to this happening and I got the images up on my phone to show them. They waved their hands dismissively at me and said "it's fine we're not going to press any charges against you for the moment, but you need to be nicer to your Mum" then left my room. And then came back in and said "btw your Mum told us that at one point you tried to run away, I think you should be aware that if you do then you will be deemed to have made yourself intentionally homeless and will therefore be unable to receive any government support, look we get a lot of calls about teenage boys in your position being like this so just don't" and then they left.

So despite me knowing my rights, being completely unconvinced by her trying to convince me it was my fault, and knowing I didn't deserve this. I was stuck being extensively domestically abused for 5 years (13-18) because I was a guy. The police were very explicit about the fact that it was because I was a guy. And I know that would absolutely not have happened to me if I was a 15 year old girl and my Dad was physically abusing me and I had evidence and witnesses to it

I had friends though, people I could reach out to that I was close with. And I did, and they were supportive, and then they just got kinda bored. Everyone was going through puberty, there was an overabundance of people feeling sorry for themselves. The guys would rather support girls because it gave them that white knight feeling, and the girls would rather support girls because it was something they could relate to more and it made them uncomfortable to hear a) about just how shit my situation was and b) the fact I was suggesting that this particular individual circumstance that I faced was worse because I was a guy than this exact situation would have been for me if I was a girl was "a bit anti-feminist" so there went all my support for that. I was still my female friend's go to for whenever they had a problem but they wouldn't let me talk about mine anymore.

Then I got a girlfriend, we'd both had a crush on each other for 5 years, but they'd rejected me initially cos they thought I deserved someone better and then they confessed that they had liked me the whole time and asked me out. And it was great, to begin with, and then they started getting sexually explicit texts from other guys that they personally knew and at first I was nothing but sympathetic but then I found out this wasn't people messaging her out of the blue this was people she engaged in regular conversation with coming onto her and her not telling them to stop. I asked her if she could tell them to stop but she never did, it just continued for the whole of our relationship.

We'd been doing everything except penetrative sex for a while and we were both comfortable with that and then she told me that she wanted to have sex soon and I said I was happy to if she was, then she said that she couldn't wait to tell her friends because so far only one person in her friendship group was having sex and it would be great to have some stories of her own. This made me really uncomfortable and I said I didn't want to have sex if she was gonna tell her friends about it the second we did. After a month she finally agreed she wouldn't tell her friends and we had sex the next week. Then the very next day she told her friends "by accident".

Then she started getting bored of me. Apparently I was "too nice" but she said it was mainly that she wanted to be more adventurous with other people. So she broke up with me, then got back with me, about 5 times. After the 3rd time she asked me in frustration why I didn't fight for her when she broke up with me.

Then I went to uni. I ended up making friends with a group of people who seemed really nice and were by themselves, but as the only white guy in the group, the butt of everyone's jokes about how I probably didn't deserve my place here, my life was so much easier than everyone else's etc. All of these people knew about my past extensively. They just didn't care. I was a guy, so my life was easy.

Then I got a girlfriend at uni, she was the one to ask me out. She knew everything about me and my past, all the things detailed previously before we went out. Things were great initially, then she asked me to initiate more cos it apparently made her feel shit that I didn't initiate as often. So I did. She also asked me if it was okay for her to call me sir in bed sometimes and I said yeah sure I mean whatever gets people off. After a few months she started to get more distant after sex and said that sometimes she just feels weird and kinda sensory overloady after sex. Then it progressed to her not wanting to hold hands or touch any time we weren't having sex. And eventually to her recoiling when I accidentally touched her. She then told me she had been groped by her teacher at school and had just started thinking about it again. She didn't mention the fact she called me sir in bed but I could put two and two together and work out that she'd been using me to fulfill an abuse fantasy. So I just started saying no to sex whenever she initiated it. She was also the clearest example of explicitly telling me to not talk about my problems please after she'd spent the entire first half of our relationship talking about how suicidal she was and how she once attempted suicide. This applied to her male friends as well, one of whom attempted suicide while we were together and her primary reaction was *oh for fuck sake, he's such a moron*, but not her female friends who she always had time for even if the problem was just that they'd been overthinking a bad conversation with their parents.

When we finally had the conversation that culminated in us breaking up I asked her if she could initiate more, cos at the beginning she had initiated all the time and asked me to initiate more, and I'd done that but now she had stopped initiating and I was the only one that did. And she said she prefers relationships where only the guy initiates.

My friends who were friends with my girlfriend (both school and uni) never stopped being friends with them. Even after finding out everything they had done and how they had treated me, and ditching guys who had done the same or equivalent to their girlfriends without a second glance, even if they were only friends with the original guy and not the girlfriend.

I just can't handle being a guy. My life has been such shit and I have been treated so badly by people. And I know that isn't unique or even rare but what is rare is that not one of my friends has even thought to question their relationship with others who have treated me like shit when I have seen them drop guys who treat girls like that almost instantaneously.

I hate that my suffering is viewed as inherently less worthwhile or meaningful because I am a guy, that my emotions are somehow less valid, that I can't be a real victim, that I'm always either a neutral party or a perpetrator. Even going clubbing, and trying to get past a group, or going on a walk at night pre-covid, people would stare at me like I'm a rapist and cross to the other side of the street to avoid me. I can never be unhappy in a group situation with people I don't know because if I end up in a corner not really talking much people look at me like I'm a creep waiting for my chance to spring out of the shadows and rape someone when I'm really just too insecure to strike up a conversation, and no one initiates conversations with guys at parties anyway. Girls want to talk to girls and guys want to talk to girls.

And I know the only chance of escaping all of this shit and make sure it doesn't just endlessly repeat until I die is if I transition and people start seeing me as a woman.

And maybe it won't be enough, maybe it could have been if I'd started earlier but now I will still always have an imposing or threatening frame. But I have nothing to lose at this point. The way friends family teachers and all other authority figures have treated me as a guy is not worth trying to live with or figure out. I either need to change how society perceives me (ie switching to a gender where you aren't immediately deemed as entirely worthless if you don't have confidence) or die.

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