#sorry i think kevin would be one of those terrible terrible people (me) who would not want to kill | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girl4music · 4 months

Text

WYNONNA: “Waverly Earp, get up!”

WAVERLY:

*crouched to the ground and nervously rocking*

“Hi… hey.”

WYNONNA: “Don’t hi me!

*grabs her arm and roughly pulls her to her feet*

Stand right now!”

WAVERLY: “Stop freaking out, okay?”

WYNONNA: “What are you doing here?”

WAVERLY: “I don’t… I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to see the stairs.”

WYNONNA: “Well, so would I. Where are they?

*looks back at her with a serious expression*

You promised me you wouldn’t do this.”

WAVERLY: “You know, I didn’t… I didn’t quite believe her. Kevin. But then something else happened with… with me and the ring.”

WYNONNA: “More face-melting? Face-fixing?”

WAVERLY: “I raised someone from the dead. I’m here to save humanity.”

WYNONNA:

“Oh, geez…

*scoffs*

You know what?”

WAVERLY: “That is my purpose. If you’re not gonna let me climb those stairs, then I’m gonna have to make you.”

WYNONNA: “Make me?”

WAVERLY: “Yeah. This is bigger than you.”

WYNONNA:

*smiles*

“I’ll tell you what’s bigger than you: me.

*punches her in the face*

Oh… shit…

——————————————————————————

*drags and forces her into the trunk of her truck*

Sorry Waves. But it’s like Daddy used to say: ‘This hurts you more than it hurts me.’”

*gets in the truck and drives back into town*

———————————————————————————

NICOLE: “You did what?”

WYNONNA: “Yeah, she’s safe. For now.”

NICOLE: “You knocked her unconscious!”

WYNONNA: “She didn’t even know how she got to the stairs. But the look on her face when I found her there…”

NICOLE: “Well, we can’t keep her prisoner.”

WYNONNA: “Or trust her. Please, Nicole, just until this is over.”

NICOLE: “I mean, we can’t take the chance.”

WYNONNA: “No.”

NICOLE: “Right? Especially if it risks losing her.”

WYNONNA: “Exactly. So that’s why you need to drive her somewhere safe. Out of the Ghost River Triangle.”

NICOLE: “I am the Sheriff in a town under siege! I can’t just road-trip my honey down to Austin for tacos! Besides, I would be terrible at keeping Waverly anywhere. She could convince me to do anything.”

WYNONNA: “Get a blazing phoenix tattoo all up your butt?”

NICOLE: “Yeah, if that’s what she really wanted in her beautiful heart.”

WYNONNA: “One way or another, I have to take on Bulshar. Here. I can’t just zip off with Waves on the back of my murdercycle.”

Nearing the end of my 3rd watch of ‘Wynonna Earp’. This really is a short show for my watching standards.

We have WEARP’s version of ‘BtVS’ ‘The Gift’ narrative dilemma happening whereby we either sacrifice the little sister to save the entirety of humanity or save the little sister by preventing her from being sacrificed. However, there’s a bit more of a caveat to this version in that Waverly feels compelled to sacrifice herself. Feels compelled to save the world herself because she knows it’s her birthright to. It’s what she’s meant to do as the half-angel daughter of one of 2 angels tasked with protecting the Garden of Eden. Further detail is revealed when Charlie, who was killed by Doc in his vampire rage haze of hunger, is brought back to life by Waverly when she attempts to see for herself whether what Kevin told her is true. That she is the Champion - the Chosen One - for the purpose of sealing off access into the Garden of Eden from Bulshar - who was originally the serpent of Eden.

Lots to consider for these last 2 episodes of Season 3. But I think the fundamental thing to talk about here is how high the stakes are raised for Waverly too as the Guardian now and not just Wynonna as the Earp heir and Nicole as the Sheriff of Purgatory, and whether she should have the authority and the agency to sacrifice herself as well as the acceptance to from the 2 people she loves most in the world and that love her just as much in return. Her big sister - who is her only family - and her girlfriend - who she’s planning to propose to if the world is truly ending. It’s really high stakes, especially for somebody like Waverly, because she’s always wanted to be this special and this powerful as a chosen hero just like Wynonna, Willa and Ward as Wyatt Earp’s heirs tasked with sending his revenant outlaw demons back to hell. It’s not exactly what she wanted but it’s something and she’s willing to sacrifice her entire life as it is now to be whatever it is she’s apparently destined to be as the descendant of a literal angel and to take over the mantle of the Guardian of the Garden of Eden from her birth father, Julian - who is finally revealed to be Charlie, Wynonna’s sort-of boyfriend, in this episode and is commissioned by both Wynonna and Nicole to drive Waverly out of town to prevent her from further attempts to sacrifice herself to save the world.

It’s… a lot. I am quite impressed with how Emily Andras and her team of writers, producers and directors handle all of the constant turns and shifts that happen in these last 2 episodes because I always find it difficult to follow the narrative when it’s this complicated and moving so fast in effort to wrap up for the end of the season. But I never have a problem following the plot in this show and I can only assume that the reason for that is because of them as the creators and not because of me as the watcher because I certainly haven’t improved on how I observe and process what’s going on on-screen… I don’t think.

There’s a shit load that happens in these final 2 episodes and it never ever feels too overwhelming for me. It’s paced extremely well and characterization is on point all throughout all the while. It’s impressive.

Speaking of sacrifices and the mention of that blazing phoenix tattoo Waverly may want from Nicole one day as well as bringing back the clever way in which ‘BtVS’ uses a concept that served as just a joke initially but then became serious in the character’s development which only aids to provide consistent characterization:

#wynonna earp #daddy lessons #last 2 episodes of season 3 #the earp sisters #wayhaught #melanie scrofano #waverly earp #dom pc #katherine barrell #the chosen one #the guardian #characterization #character representation #character development

7 notes · View notes

thecryingprophet · 8 months

Text

Chapter 10

"I thought he was an intruder!" He tried justifying himself, still holding the axe.

"Look at him! How could this skinny boy hurt you in any way?" Maria kept shouting at the man.

Piero looked at Kevin up and down and gave an angry look at Maria.

"What's going on down here?" Oscar asked halfway trought the stairs.

Piero looked at the man and shouted:"why do you keep bringing these people on our farm!".

Oscar frowned "you're in no place to judge, also why shouldn't i bring them over? They have done nothing wrong..."

Piero became red and pointed at jonah, who was sitting on an armchair "this one reeks of alchohol and is barely awake most of thse time" he then pointed at Kevin "look at this one instead! Hair longer than a girls... and those terrible clothes... don't make me start".

He then got close to Kevin and started shaking him vigorously, he didn't have the time to say anything else before Oscar punched him in the face.

Piero fell to the ground but soon he punched Oscar back, Kevin was panicking, he had never seen two people fight before.

So he ran upstairs, and entered the first room he came across.

There he saw Clarabelle sitting on her bed softly sobbing.

He quickly composed himself and asked her what was wrong.

"I miss my mom..." she confided.

Thinking about it Kevin had never seen her or heard Oscar mention her "where is she?" He asked.

"She died shortly after my birth"

Kevin froze, that explained everything, "I'm so sorry" he then wishpered.

Clarabelle put her face in her hands and kept sobbing.

Kevin lightly patted her on the back, not knowing what to say.

She began explaining:" i was at my friend Pollys house and seeing how she interacted with her mom made me sad...am i weird for this?"

"It's not weird... but think about it, at least you have a dad who cares about you...i don't have that luck" Kevin tried conforting her

She finally looked up "my dad seems to have forgotten her, he's found someone else, i found some love letters in his nightstand... but it didn't say who they were from"

"I don't think he's forgotten her, he's just ready to love again, maybe this woman is very nice and would love to be your step mother too" Kevin reassured her.

She sighed "i guess you're right..."

Suddenly a loud groan was heard from downstairs "you stay here!" Kevin recommended himself before going to see what was going on.

Downstairs a horrific scene was awaiting him: Jonah was holding Oscar, who was shielding his visibly broken nose, where blood was dripping from.

Piero was still standing there, his hands still forming fists, he had a smug smile on his face and instilled fear into Kevin.

#oc #ocs #oc lore #writing

5 notes · View notes

hunter-sylvester · 1 year

Note

hey I saw you when I first got into the metal lords fandom but I didn't know you also liked shelter, what do you think Hunters opinion on would Ema be? (not that they have too much in common but i feel like he'd like her) Also, Hunters opinion on spoon?

Hey 🤘

I have been enjoying Shelter, but definitely in a much more casual way than I do Metal Lords.

I haven't really thought that much about how he'd feel about them/how they'd feel about each other, but I like the question. I'll have to base it off of the 4 episodes that are out so far, of course. Which isn't that much so this may change based on what else we see from the characters. (also might contain very very slight spoilers for those episodes idk just a fair warning)

Firstly, I don't disagree that Hunter might like Ema if he actually got to know her a bit. But I feel like on first glance he'd feel somewhat threatened by her.

Like, I think he might feel like she was sort-of invading his territory by being a weird, grumpy, alternative outsider. I also think he'd be a bit jealous of her professionally done temporary tattoos, although he would absolutely never admit that.

(this got kinda long, I'm sorry. I have a lot of opinions about Hunter and how he works/thinks lmao)

With how standoffish to new people both Hunter and Ema are I think it would take something of a 'forced' bonding moment for them to initially get to know one another. Because on first glance, Ema would probably think Hunter is just a massive dick. (Which is fair.) And Hunter would think that Ema is a dick. (He's got the self awareness of a wet rag.)

Basically, I feel like the first few steps of them getting to know each other would be an uphill slog through barbed-wire laden mud. But after that, and once they actually do get to know one another, I think they could make quite good friends in the long run. They're both (basically) canonically queer and I personally view Hunter as gay and Ema as a lesbian. So they could have quite a fun dynamic based on that and all their other quirks combined.

I think he'd dig her art too, he might even ask her to design an album/EP cover for Skullflower. That could be a nice initial way for them to interact in a more open way. Probably after the first mutual "yeah maybe you're okay, actually" moment. I don't think we've had much of a confirmation of Ema's music taste but she might like their music as well. And very very maybe she could even sing a chorus on one of their songs. That might be cool. Although I think it would take some time and personal growth on Hunter's part for him to want/be okay with something like that.

Now, Spoon. Weirdly enough, I watched an interview where Adrian was asked if Spoon and Hunter would be friends and I don't disagree with his answer:

"I think Spoon would give it a shot, I don't know if Hunter would be up for it."

In addition tho, I think if Spoon manages not to accidentally press too many of Hunter's buttons, he would be able to wear him down. (Which sounds terrible, but I mean it more in the sense that I think Hunter just needs a bit of time to get used to people.) Spoon seems quite accepting of Ema's general grumpy-black-cat attitude, so I think he would probably extend a similar patience to Hunter. Which I think is something Hunter needs in people, it's a quality I think Kevin has. Someone who doesn't take the odd snappy comment or what I call "hedgehog moments"* too personally.

*hedgehog moments or 'hedgehogging' is basically when someone feels threatened so they metaphorically curl up and stick their spines out in a reflexive attack to keep themselves safe. (I don't know if it's a term anybody but me and my friends use but it makes sense in my head)

I think Hunter would initially think Spoon is...well...lame as hell, unfortunately. And probably pretty annoying. I think one of the things that might help Hunter see him in a better light would be if Spoon impressed him somehow. Either by getting him in somewhere he's not supposed to be through the Janitorial Offspring Network or something tech related. Like, maybe getting him a download of some unreleased music he couldn't get otherwise. Like once he sees him do some 'cool' illegal shit his tune might change. Other than that I think just the persistent non-judgemental attention would do the trick over time. Spoon seems pretty loyal and like a 'fierce' friend. Which Hunter would appreciate with his abandonment issues and fear of being "invisible" (cough result of parental neglect cough)

Thank you for asking! I enjoyed scribbling my thoughts on this down ^-^ I do hope it's not too long and jumbled (I have adhd, if it's a mess, that's why)

As always, this is just my 2cents based on my interpretation of the character(s)

#very slight spoilers for Shelter s1 e4 if you/anyone hasn't watched it yet #you asked about the primary blorbo so I rambled for like 800 words oops #my post #metal lords #harlan coben's shelter #hunter sylvester #answered ask #arthur spindell #ema winslow #slaymaxuwu #hunterwriteswords #hunters asks

10 notes · View notes

bigjimbopickens · 1 year

Note

Hi! I wanna say I love your art first of all! I just read the message under your last post about Kevin’s art video and you said you’re mostly self taught - I’m curious about how you get into that? I’d love to learn to draw but have no idea where to start!

Sorry for getting back to this so late I am not as active on Tumblr. And yes, I am mostly self-taught because of my circumstances growing up. To those who don't know, I am SnowfallWarning/Big Jimbo and I am currently an animation student. I do 2D animation, concept art and character design and I graduate this year (hopefully). I am disabled both physically and mentally which is why I mostly do digital art. I have a coordination disorder (dyspraxia) and am blind in one eye but that doesn't stop me. For my entire childhood I was discouraged from drawing as I apparently wouldn't go anywhere with it or that I was terrible. Where I lived most of my life had no opportunities for someone like me so I had to leave to continue pursuing art. Because of the poor access, the only things I had was notebooks, school supplies and an old iPad mini to draw with growing up. I learned everything I currently know now from using those. I don't know what got me into drawing still, may have been Warrior Cats and dinosaurs. Like what Jose said in Kevin's video, art comes from the soul. It is human expression and we've always been doing it. Anyone can be an artist and we all start somewhere, trust me. Here's some stuff I usually tell people because I do get asked this often (I'm also not the best teacher): 1: Experiment. Find what works for you. Be messy with it, not every piece needs to be perfect. If you are a digital artist then also trying different programs can be helpful too. Maybe you're better at drawing landscapes, characters or abominations that defy God. 2: Use references if necessary. Not sure why for a while it was considered "cheating" to use references. Everyone in the industry uses references, I would know. If you also want, you can try tutorials but I found I learn more from references. 3: Take inspiration. I'm always adding things I see in other people's art to my own style if I like it. Though try not to copy them. 4: Tracing. I believe tracing is okay for learning purposes. It's how I learned to draw humans after doing exclusively furry art for years tbh. I tend to stick to real-life references for this, this is a great site for practice: https://line-of-action.com (if you're not okay with nudity then do remember to turn that off). "But where do I even start?" Grab a piece of paper and pencil (or open a blank canvas on a digital art program if you prefer that) and just start doodling whatever. If you have an idea then go for that as well. Every class I've had in college so far has started with drawing and rendering a bunch of shapes to see where everyone was at and to get a feel of our styles. So maybe try that too. Draw random shapes with different materials/brushes, colour them in and add details like shadows and highlights. I know it seems ridiculous but I do it every once in a while to experiment and try different methods. You probably won't improve overnight. Hell, it took me 7 years to get to where I currently am. A lot of people quit because they think they're not good enough when pretty much every artist is only proud of about 10% of their work. Definitely the case for me. Not every piece is going to be a masterpiece and the imperfections can be what makes it special, so please don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be discouraged because other artists may be better than you either, they've probably been doing it for longer. So please, if you are dedicated enough, keep trying. I'm sure you will get somewhere :) So basically, - Use whatever material you got and draw what comes to mind, even if it's terrible it is a great start. - Experiment with your style and/or materials. - Reference, take inspiration and trace for memory. - Don't give up but do take breaks to avoid burnout. - Try not to be intimidated by other artists, we also don't really know what we're doing tbh (and just as afraid of you as you are of us).

I hope that all made sense and was somewhat helpful :)

8 notes · View notes

mlobsters · 1 year

Text

supernatural s9e14 captives (w. robert berens)

right, back to angel politics -_- and sam breaking dean's heart a little bit

sam's in his pjs, are you allergic to getting comfortable to sleep, dean? at least he doesn't have his boots still on i guess. also i appreciate the ghost assisted bunker tour

DEAN Kevin, I'm sorry. You did not choose this life. You busted your ass, you lost everything, everyone you've loved... And your reward? Getting killed... On my watch. If I... It was on me. It was my fault, and... And there's nothing I can do to make that right. I am so sorry.

KEVIN No, this is not happening. Didn't spend months struggling to break through the veil just to get stuck listening to Dean Winchester having a self-pity session. Didn't hear enough of those when I was alive.

thank you, kevin! made me smile. the power of dean's pity party guilt made kevin so annoyed he powered right through the veil. i was wondering about that, if closing heaven meant no people going in too, thanks for the clarification, show.

SAM You feel that? I think I felt a chill. DEAN Yeah. It's 'cause it's cold.

*rimshot*

DEAN Crowley, it's Dean. Call me when you get this. SAM Really, Dean? DEAN What? SAM That's your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think maybe he's just not that into you?

i thought y'all weren't brothers anymore, sam. no teasing!

show also circling back to mrs tran, which i didn't have a lot of faith they'd do (i mentioned recently i couldn't remember if they'd confirmed if she'd died or not)

SAM So, what, you want to give him a medal? I mean, Crowley's the one who put them in the cells in the first place. DEAN Yeah, I know. I'm just talking it out. You know, working the case. Businesslike.

laughed at the "working the case", then really laughed at businesslike

castiel, are you going to make good decisions today?

from the wiki: Sam: D. Webster? As in like Daniel Webster? Dean: Well, I know a lame Crowley in-joke when I see one. The storage lockers were rented under the name "D. Webster." "The Devil and Daniel Webster" is a 1937 short story by Stephen Vincent Benét. It is a retelling of the story of Faust in which a farmer sells his soul to the devil and is defended by Daniel Webster. The real Daniel Webster was a famous 19th century orator and senator.

dean understands this reference?? that seems.... obscure.

Shortcut to Happiness is a modernized version set in the publishing world, starring Anthony Hopkins as a publisher named Daniel Webster, Alec Baldwin as a best-selling (via the devil) but terrible author named Jabez Stone, and Jennifer Love Hewitt as a female version of the devil. This version was made in 2001, but was halted before completion, before finally being completed and given a limited release in 2007.

maybe this is why he knows of it? he's mentioned jennifer love hewitt several times before 🤪 early seasons deep cut?

1.10 Asylum Dean: Hey, Sam, who do you think is a hotter psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you? 2.01 In My Time of Dying Dean (to Sam): Give me some ghost whispering or something! 2.16 Roadkill Dean: Sammy's always getting a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to this.

BARTHOLOMEW But with you by my side -- the new boss and the ultimate rebel working together -- think of the message that would send to would-be dissidents. They'd finally understand that resistance is futile.

LOL the borg catchphrase. concerned castiel is going to make another epically bad decision but they got a friend to torture and kill to remind him

well that was miserable, sam telling mrs tran.

dude looks like young mark ruffalo at this angle / actual mark ruffalo

those are some spiffy lookin dressy boots for his fed getup. i like those

BARTHOLOMEW You weren't. Not then. But since then, you've slaughtered thousands of angels. You killed Malachi's man for his Grace. CASTIEL Who I was, what I did, that's not who I am.

he's making some points. lol bart let's settle this with fisticuffs. this plotline....

both of their outfits are nice

think about when they used to wear these suits...

s1e13 route 666

KEVIN Can you two... Get over it? Dudes, just 'cause you couldn't see me doesn't mean I couldn't see you. The drama, the fighting... It's stupid. My mom's taking home a ghost. You two... You're both still here. SAM Of course. Promise.

i don't care if it doesn't make sense i am on board with this. yes, make a promise to the dead boy that you'll work it out. and immediately sam walks away, of course haha. they can both go sulk in their rooms

trying to remember how sam handled it when he was trying to earn back dean's trust, i remember dean being an asshole about it though. so far dean doesn't seem to be trying to do anything in particular to earn sam's trust back (i'm not sure how you go about it anyway). but i don't even know because there's too much shit going on at once perpetually. let's get some fencemending focus.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 9x14 #robert berens #spn 1x13

3 notes · View notes

griancraft · 2 years

Text

Dude what the hell is wrong with you. there are non-sexual methods of grooming? this is disgusting to send someone after they open up about a traumatic event. I should not have to go in depth about trauma that ruined my life to be seen as valid. But here we go I guess.

They ruined my fucking life. Don’t you dare say that my trauma isn’t valid when we’re discussing an adult with a power imbalance exploiting a minor. Cause that’s what happened to me. Non sexually, but sexual trauma isn’t the only type of trauma out there.

I feel stupid for feeling like this but I need you to know this isn’t okay. Im talking from my perspective as someone who was exploited. Groomed, really, as strange as that is to admit. Im saying that I don’t feel comfortable with people who support him following me. I’m not making any statements I shouldn’t be.

Tw for. Fucking everything I guess. Grooming, talk of mental health issues, so on. This is more than I’ve shared with anyone ever. I’m sorry. I don’t want to post this but it’s going up I guess!!! Fuck!!!

Like dude I had my innocence taken advantage of. They got money off of me, made me believe I had to get the job they wanted me to in order to support them because they didn’t want to work. I was 15 turning 16. This group of 3 adults ranging from 18-20 were proshippers who frequently gaslit me (the actual definition of the term) and exploited my poor mental health in order to use me. They used my symptoms of BPD and DID to make me feel scared they would leave and memory issues.

They made me feel like I was in the wrong for being uncomfortable about them shipping minors and adults. They made me feel like I was in the wrong, and that I was evil for standing up for myself. I am so fucked up bu them I have to constantly ask for reassurance that people don’t hate me YEARS later. I say I but I am legitimately not the same person. I am one of the alters that split from Kevin. I have not been me for years and it fucking sucks I don’t remember my childhood because of how much this overshadowed my life and changed it forever. I will never be who I was before that ever again. I will never feel the same I will never have the same interests or friends because they don’t know what it’s like to have every waking moment terrified. Terrified that they’re going to find you again.

Every time I see Everyman Hybrid fanart I fucking shake and feel like I’m going to throw up. My blood runs cold whenever someone gets mad at me or is upset with me. and it’s getting better now but it used to be so fucking bad I would block friends I loved because they were mildly annoyed. You don’t fucking know my trauma. You don’t know how this ties into my view of my body and my sexual experience. How I view friendships and relationships and how I loose everyone I fucking loved because I have hours long breakdowns about how they’re using me for something or making fun of me or how they don’t actually like me. About how I’m just like those freaks who messed me up for life. They wanted to meet up. They made me feel like my body was theirs, not in a sexual way but in a more literal sense. I wasn’t good enough unless I was doing something to service them. I fucking hate airing my trauma online because I go oh it wasn’t that bad but it was.

Did you know I had to go to my adult friend and get him to talk me down from killing myself? Did you know that they told me they were scared of me and that I was a terrible person? That’s fucked me up forever. Forever and ever. I will never stop thinking about that. Ever! I will never consider myself a good person.

They’re into MCYT. I never know if they’re going to find me, find my new blog. I used to live in fear of them finding me and telling people what I thought I did. I did nothing wrong but I thought if people found out what they did to me, how I let myself be hurt, they would hate me.

I’m. Going to log off for a few days I think. Maybe not because Im so fucking tied to this bell site. I’m not sure if I feel safe being here for a bit, at the least.

#tw grooming #tw vent #i guess #im not. i don’t even know if Im mad im just.#thanks for like. actually triggering me dude you’re sooooo nice and coool #tw suicide

17 notes · View notes

nugnthopkns · 3 years

Text

i wish i could disappear

word count: 3.6k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, feelings of anxiety due to social media harassment, invasion of privacy that border on stalking

recommended listening: brutal | olivia rodrigo

series masterpost: here

a/n: and we're off to the races!! i love this album and olivia so much. there's a shoutout to goon by tobias jesso jr. in here bc it's my favourite album to cry to lmao (highly recommend giving it a listen!). i'm on the fence about this one but am posting it anyways because i don't think i can make it any better

How the fuck do people find your social media?

All of your accounts are private and Kevin makes sure to never tag you on the rare occasion he posts a picture of the two of you together. The wives and girlfriends who have public accounts make sure to never post about you, and you’re careful not to comment on posts often. You’re a private person and though you understand that due to the nature of your relationship with Kevin you intrigue some fans, you don’t want to give them more than you have to.

Despite making no attempt to open up to the public or media, every day you wake up with hundreds of follow requests from complete strangers. At first it was a little exciting knowing that people were curious about your life but after years of the same routine it’s become draining. It takes you nearly twenty minutes each day to weed through them and accept only the people you know personally. Kevin doesn’t actually know how many people want to catch a glimpse of your daily life because you do your best to keep it from him. Knowing would only bring him stress, and you want him to be able to focus on winning games and loving you with his entire heart.

☼☼☼☼

The phone on your desk rings loudly, pulling your attention away from the computer screen that has way too many numbers on it for your liking. The finance department needed someone to proof their audit before sending it away and since you’re the only one in human relations that has a business degree the job landed on your shoulders. Eager to take a break, you pick it up and press the receiver against your ear.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other side laughs gently, but you immediately know it’s Kevin. “Hi sweetheart,” he says warmly, “How’s work?”

“Fine I guess. It’s work, Kev. Nothing terribly exciting happens here,” you explain but continue to fill him in on all the coffee pot gossip you got this morning. Kevin listens as you complain about forgetting your lunch on the counter and chuckles at how upset the situation makes you.

“What if I told you I’m outside your window with a burrito bowl?”

Excited at the possibility of seeing your boyfriend before dinnertime, you whip towards the window and spot Kevin on the sidewalk, waving like an idiot despite knowing your office is on the fifth floor. You hang up quickly after telling him you’ll be down in two minutes and let the receptionist know you’re stepping out for lunch. There’s a line for the elevator so you head to the stairwell, taking them two at a time in your haste. You’re crossing the street to the small park where Kevin has set up a picnic before your co-workers are even out the door.

You plop down on the blanket beside Kevin and lean into him. He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before passing you the food he brought. You take a bite, sighing at the taste. Kevin knows you better than you know yourself and knew exactly what to get that would satisfy your mounting hunger.

“Thanks babe,” you smile, holding up your fork and offering him a bite. He takes it graciously but makes a face. “What’s the matter?” you laugh as you take the utensil back.

“I fucking hate avocado.”

The two of you eat in relative silence, speaking only when you remember a detail from your morning. Kevin tells you about the drills he’s going to lead at practice in the afternoon and what he plans on cooking for dinner since he’ll be home before you. You insist you can whip something up when you get home but Kevin shakes his head. He reminds you that relationships are give and take, and that you’ve made dinner the past three nights because he had a string of games. You manage to reach a compromise that has you doing the dishes before you have to return to work.

Kevin insists on walking you back to your office even though you protest vehemently. Your relationship is far from secret, and has been the topic of workplace gossip more times than you can count, but after five years you’ve learned to ignore most of it. However, you don’t want your co-workers to think you flaunt your NHL player boyfriend to prove you’re better than them. They all love Kevin, and a couple of them congratulate him on last night’s goal as he follows you down the hall. A few of the newer hires stare in awe and shake his hand, completely blown away that one of Philadelphia’s biggest stars is asking how they like their jobs.

“Pretty soon they’re going to approach you to do PR for us,” you chuckle as you flip the light on and close the door of your office.

His laughter echoes off the walls as a pair of strong arms find a home around your waist. “It would be kind of fun to hear myself crush those radio commercials.”

“Since when do you listen to the radio?”

“Checkmate,” Kevin sighs, pulling you closer. He kisses you quickly, not wanting to give a show to anyone who could be walking past, but it still sends you reeling. You don’t want him to pull away and kiss him again.

You get your way for a few more moments and then Kevin’s leaving with a promise to not burn the house down and wishes for a good rest of the day. Focussed on giving the audit its final once-over you don’t bother pulling your phone from the drawer you had placed it in when you got to work that morning. You turn up the small radio at the corner of your desk and get to work scanning the document for errors. There’s a mistake halfway through that skews the rest of the data and fixing it takes a bit of time, but it isn’t a huge deal. You have nothing else to do except answer a few emails and organize meetings for after the weekend.

An hour or so later you’ve completed all your tasks and debate what to do. It’s too early to leave for the day, so you decide to kill time by checking your phone. You’re expecting a few notifications, perhaps two or three memes in the group chat you share with your friends, but not the hundreds that greet you.

The majority of them are instagram notifications, and assuming they’re just more fans requesting a follow you ignore them, instead heading to your text messages. There’s a picture from Kevin of a dog he found walking home and another from your mom asking why you haven’t called home in a few weeks. However the one from Claude’s wife is the one that piques your curiosity.

Just a heads up that someone posted a pic of you and Kev to one of those stupid wag pages. I filed a request for Instagram to take it down but it’s gotten a lot of traction. Sorry :((

Your heartbeat increases rapidly and a million thoughts fly through your head at a rapid speed. Fingers shaking, you respond with a thanks and open up the dreaded app. You don’t see it immediately, your feed being full of photos belonging to friends and family, but it’s in your messages almost two hundred times. Many of them have text attached and you know there will be a comment about your relationship regardless of which one you open.

Tapping on the most recent message you brace yourself for the worst. The new window opens a photo someone took of you and Kevin while eating lunch in the park across from your office not even three hours prior. It’s grainy and the camera angle is strange, but you’re eating and Kevin is looking somewhere out of frame. The accompanying caption reads Kev and his girlfriend out for lunch today! Follow @philllywagupdates for more :).

You let out a sigh of relief – it could have been a lot worse. Personal pictures of yourself have made it onto pages like that before and most of them they’re paired with mean-spirited captions about your appearance or other trivial matters. Assuming you’re in the clear, you head back to the page of the original message to thank the person for bringing the post to your attention. However, the message accompanying the post is anything but positive.

He can’t even fucking look at you. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you

The blood in your veins runs cold. You know it’s not true – Kevin’s made it clear you’re the one and truthfully you’re just waiting for a ring – but it doesn’t stop the sting you feel. What could possess someone to say such horrible things? You decide not to respond despite, possibly opening another can of worms with the seen function, and close the app. Leaning back in your office chair you focus on anything but your phone, looking out the window at passersby while regaining your breath. It works for a while, but eventually not knowing what others said eats away at you. You go through every single message to see hundreds of similar comments to the first, with only a few saying they’re glad you’re happy or how posting the picture is a violation of your privacy.

By the time you’re finished your spirit has been crushed. However, it’s also an acceptable time to start the weekend – at least no one in the office will have to see you cry. Things are hastily packed into your bag and you wave a few quick goodbyes before once again taking the stairs. You curse yourself for deciding to walk to work that morning and set off in the direction of home wiping away tears. The last thing you need right now is for someone to recognize you, but you have to get home. Tobias Jesso Jr plays at much too loud a volume through your headphones and Kevin will most certainly remind you it’s bad for your hearing, but the melancholy piano riffs of Goon overpower the thoughts swirling around your head.

Do people really feel that way about me?

Are my friends just too nice to stop inviting me places?

Does Kevin really feel trapped?

Hundreds of similar sentiments and situations cross your mind as you stumble through the streets of downtown Philadelphia, but you force them as far back as possible before opening the door to the apartment you share with Kevin. Hoping to slip inside undetected, you take your shoes off slowly and throw your jacket on the end table instead of hanging it in the closet. Your plan fails somehow and Kevin hears you, greeting you in a goofy apron covered in flour.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, but it drops once your eyes meet and he sees the hurt on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” you insist, trying to step around him in pursuit of the bathroom.

Kevin doesn’t buy it and sees right through your feeble words. “It’s not nothing if you’re this upset. If you don’t want to talk now that’s fine, but I think you should get it off your chest.”

You know he’s right, but you also know you can’t tell him the true cause of your despair. “Just some work stuff,” you sigh. “The audit got all fucked up and I had to fix it even though it’s not my job.”

It’s not technically a lie, which makes you feel better, and Kevin buys it. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips in sympathy. “Go take a shower and the gnocchi should be ready by the time you’re done. We can spend the night cuddling on the couch.”

“And watching Selling Sunset?”

“We can watch whatever you want sweetheart,” he chuckles. You part from him with a final kiss and head to the bathroom. Hopefully the steam from the water will carry away the negativity brought on by that damn post.

☼☼☼☼

Time passes but the hateful comments on social media don’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure they get worse. It’s so bad that you’ve deleted every app except facebook because you need it for work. Kevin doesn’t notice your abstinence from social media, but he picks up on how you spend more time criticizing yourself or staring off into space. When he pushes you either brush him off or feed some bullshit excuse about how work is getting you down. You know he doesn’t believe you but trusts you enough to come to him when you’re ready to talk.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to tell Kevin what’s been going on. There’s been scrutiny from social media before, when you first started dating, but it quieted down after the initial media frenzy. He helped you through that but it’s different this time around. Never before have you had strangers tell you your life is worthless or that your boyfriend should end your relationship. Some of the other wags notice your absence on instagram but chalk it up to you just taking a break. They reach out via the group chat and send wishes to see you at the next home game. It’s nice to know they care, but the voice in your head that has grown much larger in recent weeks tells you they don’t truly mean it. This leads you to decline the invite as politely as possible, citing extended work hours for your absence. In reality you’re too anxious to be anywhere that isn’t home or work, petrified someone is going to post something that will add fuel to the flames of those who interrogate you.

It’s another Friday afternoon, and you’re leaving the office early once again. There’s a small craft exhibition taking place around the corner from work and today is the last day it’s open. You had been meaning to go all week, hoping to find something small to add to Kevin’s birthday gift. As you step out of the building there’s a small group of young women, who don’t look old enough to have graduated college, standing off to the side. It fills you with dread, worried that somehow someone found out where you work and the insults are going to start occurring verbally, but you force yourself to be rational. You work fairly close to one of the artsier districts in the city and it’s more than likely they just want to find a cute mural to take pictures in front of.

You pass by and swear you hear them snicker, but you remind yourself you’ve just been jumpy lately. When they peel from their place on the wall and follow behind at a distance you think the coincidences are running out. It seems a little too strange how their movements line up with yours, and you go down a few winding side streets in an attempt to lose them. Part of you feels ridiculous because what group of barely legal girls would track a full-blown adult around a city of nearly two million people, but your life is currently strange enough you can’t be sure. They don’t follow you, and by the time you reach the market your heart rate has returned to normal.

The first few stalls have little to catch your eye, but a few rows in you find a leatherworker who makes adorable wallets. Kevin’s is ridiculously old and falling apart at the seams – his mom bought it for him before the two of you got together. You think a new one will make a perfect addition to the concert tickets you already bought and browse the table for something simple and elegant. A deep brown one with tan braiding around the edges catches your eye and you know it’s the one for Kevin. Checking the price to make sure you have enough cash in your wallet, you approach the shop owner to purchase. The older man has a kind smile that reaches his eyes as he thanks you for purchasing from him.

“No, thank you for making something so beautiful!” you gush. “My boyfriend is going to love it.”

It’s then you hear it – snickering accompanied by the click of a camera. You look over your shoulder to see the same group of girls from before laughing as they huddle over a cell phone, no doubt already starting to broadcast the photo across the internet. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Those girls don’t deserve to see their mission accomplished, but the longer they laugh at you the harder it is to swallow your feelings.

Head held high, you thank the owner one more time before holding your head high and walking past the group. The only way out is past them so you hold your breath and pray they don’t notice you. Unfortunately you aren’t that lucky, and one of them looks up just as you come into earshot.

“If Kevin doesn’t leave you after that sorry excuse for a gift I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she sneers.

Another one chimes in, “You’re honestly so pathetic.” They all cackle in amusement, and you speed up. The tears flow freely now, and you call an uber even though it will be a ridiculous amount of money. You just want to get home.

The uber driver doesn’t say anything when you get in, though you know it’s strange to be bawling your eyes out at four in the afternoon. You can’t help it – weeks of keeping all the hate to yourself finally got to you and being followed with the sole intent of ridicule is the final straw. At one red light he silently passes you a box of tissues, which you accept gratefully.

Luckily the lobby of your apartment complex is empty and you manage to get to your floor without encountering a familiar face. There’s a few hours until Kevin gets home from his final roadtrip of the season, and if you play your cards right you can get all the tears out and be as normal as possible before he comes through the door. You don’t even bother to put anything away, just head straight to the bathroom to slump against the tub. Sobs rack your body and you lose all sense of time. All you can feel is the hurt you’ve been holding in releasing itself and soaking the material of your blouse.

Kevin finds you laying in the position hours later. He tripped over your shoes coming in the door and immediately knew something was wrong – you always place them neatly on the rack in the closet upon arriving home. Peering through the quiet house for a hint at where you are, he sees the bathroom light on and makes a beeline for the room. It breaks his heart to see you like this, and even more so because he doesn’t know what spurred it on.

“Sweetheart, hey,” he coos, maneuvering his body to sit beside you and pull you into his lap. “What’s the matter?”

You bury your head in his shoulder and clutch the material of his dress shirt as you cry harder at the sound of his voice. Kevin takes your reaction in stride, rubbing circles on your back and working on evening out your breath. He doesn’t pressure you to speak and provides the stability you desperately crave as the world around you spins. An unknown amount of time passes before your tears run out, but spend it all on the bathroom floor curled into Kevin.

“I guess I should have told you sooner,” you mumble, “But I didn’t want to bother you.”

Concern laces Kevin’s features and his eyebrows knit together. “Tell me what?”

“I, uh, have been the subject of some internet hate for the past little bit,” you say sheepishly. It feels stupid to not have told him now, but you can’t change that. “But you were really busy with the season and I wanted to make sure your head was completely focused on the game so I just dealt with it myself. I deleted the apps and tried my best to go about my life. And then today after work I was followed by some people and they said some really hurtful stuff and shit became a little too real.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s your turn to be confused. “Why are you sorry Kev? You're Not the one sending me death threats.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair back into your ponytail. “Maybe not, but I still made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about what was going on. What kind of partner am I?”

“The best one,” you say confidently. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I just want to forget about it right now. Can we just disappear for a little bit?”

Kevin wraps his arms around you tighter, as if he can engulf you to protect from the cruel outside world. “We can do whatever you want. If you want to get out of the city for a bit if you want, or just spend the next few days here away from prying eyes.”

“I love you.”

You say it because you mean it, and if you could scream it from the rooftops you would. Kevin is incredibly easy to love, even when you make it difficult for him to love you back. You know another much longer conversation is coming about everything that has happened recently because communication is the only way to solve problems and Kevin deserves that, but you’re thankful he’s willing to put it to rest for a few more moments.

He cracks a smile for the first time since he’s been home and kisses the crown of your head. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Always and forever.”

Things are far from over and though you still never want to show your face in public ever again, you know that Kevin is going to do whatever he can to make things better and that’s enough for you.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @ricohenrique @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added just shoot me an ask :)

#i don't love this but here it is!!!#one day i'll like the stories i write #kevin hayes imagine #kevin hayes x reader #kevin hayes fic #philadelphia flyers imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites #sour

211 notes · View notes

skeetusmcyeetus · 4 years

Text

I’ve making headcanons about all of my hyper fixations for a while now and just dumping them on my friends so I’m gonna also dump them here.

If you’re into All For the Game , My Hero Academia, ATLA, The Raven Cycle stay fuckn tuned my doods bc I have a loooot of stuff rattling around my empty skull.

Not all of these are 100% mine some of them are already pretty popular and I’m expanding on them or I heard something similar and edited it to my own tastes

I’ll separate them by series,,,

Theres like one canon that’s mildly nsfw

TW: drug abuse

Mha/Bnha

pro hero kirishima’s Red Riot™️ merch is insanely size inclusive bc he wants fatgum to be able to wear the hoodie that kiri’s pr team sent him but that’s not all,,

If he wasn’t super gay and in love with Bakugou he’d be very Into BBWs so again his merch is super size inclusive bc he wants everyone to be able to wear it

The company that makes the merch also takes requests for special made merch for people who’s quirks interfere with a “normal” size or dimension

ALSO ,,,,this man(kiri) is built like a fuckn MACK TRUCK OKAY he is 6’7” and cannot fit through doorways without ducking and turning a little to the side ,,, he is broad And still wears no shirt™️ ,,, this being said ,, bakugou is still around 5’8” and pretty slim don’t get me wrong he’s extremely strong and toned but he’s not huge,, it makes flying easier if he stays a little lighter ,,,,,,, the point is,, sometimes kiri will pick up bakugou with one arm and bakugou can’t even pretend to hate it anymore

Also,,,, fatgum has to use special pens and keyboards because of how big his hands are,,, he’s literally 8’2” I won’t take criticism on this

Fatgum actually loves wearing red riot and sun eater merch

Allmight and Inko start dating and one day when they’re out someone comments on how much all might “looks like a skeleton” and she absolutley lets loose on them for being so vapid and shallow and how “he’s risked his life to save people like you more times than you have ever even thought about being helpful in your life and it would serve you well to treat someone who’d die for you without even knowing you with more respect”

All might had to gently pull her away bc the guy was crying and she wasn’t anywhere near finished with him

Midnight is Asexual and aggressively pretends to be horny on main™️ because for one, it works with her quirk and two, nothing sells better than sex especially when you’re a woman.

Bakugou and kirishima use sign language to talk shit at Public events

Dabi is addicted to painkillers because he’s been on them his entire life,, he wakes up with the shakes and sometimes toga has to help him take his meds in the morning because he’s already in withdrawal

Tensei was the first one to realize that iida was autistic and immediately did copious amounts of research on ASD and how to be a good brother to him

ATLA

sokka grows his hair as long as Zuko’s (except the sides obvi) and sometimes he’ll wear his hair in the fire nation top knot and zuko loses it every time

Azula gets help and now sometimes when she wakes up with the sun after a night of fitful sleep she goes to the courtyard to have tea with iroh. They never talk, but then again they never need to.

Sometimes after a hard day sokka falls asleep in the bathtub and wakes up to zuko warming the water back up and washing his hair for him

Suki lounges in zukos throne while zuko gets worked up about stuff and paces all around the room

Mai is on the ace spectrum

When sokka and zuko visit the southern water tribe zuko will firebend for the all of the kids in the village,,, they love him so much and sometimes sokka gets a little teary eyed watching him

Sokka braids zukos hair water tribe style and it’s the hottest thing maybe ever

Zuko takes sokka on shopping sprees pretty frequently and sokka fuckn loves it

One time someone has the nerve to call sokka “the fire lords sugar baby” and sokka just flips his ponytail over his shoulder Ariana style and says “and what about it?”

The Raven cycle

Ronan has 100% killed Robert Parrish in his dreams and when he wakes up to see Adam next to him he almost immediately wants to go back to sleep and do it again for all the pain he’s caused Adam

Gansey is oblivious to the fact that he is indeed shredded,, when he gets really worked up he moves his arms a l o t like rolls up his sleeves, crosses and uncrosses his arms and The gang’s favorite is when he puts his hands on his head and subconsciously flexes,,,, literally entire gangsey will group swoon at him and he genuinely thinks they are marvelling at his passion for whatever he’s worked up about

Ronan watched broke back mountain once when he was like 16 and now all he can think about is being a gay cowboy ,,,

Adam will read people’s tarot wrong if theyre douchebags

Don’t you think it’s funny that the ganseys don’t have any straight children?

Blue has a T-shirt from each member of the gangsey (except Noah,, rip Noah) and shes created a terrible Franken-T-shirt by ripping them up and sewing them all back together in an extremely ugly patch work thing

Adam talks in Latin in his sleep and it really freaks his roommate out,, like a lot,, not to mention the fact that Adam already creeps him out to begin with bc he’s got that other vibe that comes from being tied to cabeswater and lindenmere ,, 6 out of 7 days his roommate is convinced that he’s a witch or a fairy or something

Ronan teaches opal how to bake and opal burns everything on purpose

aftg

Neil has definitely killed multiple people to survive

Neil’s mom definitely made him kill someone at least twice to make sure he could kill to survive on his own if they got separated

he probably definitely still has nightmares about each one

Matt and Dan both had a crush on Neil for like 30 seconds and absolutely talked to each other about him

Ppl always talk about how hot it is to crush a watermelon with your thighs,,,, Andrew could do it with his arms

Aarons ass is so flat and Andrew has an absolute dumptruck

Kevin started out as one of those annoying “obsessed with WWII” history guys and now he’s actually very into queer history and will rant about the lavender scare for an hour if you let him

The foxes lounge room(?) has a dart board with riko’s face on it to this day,, they literally have a drawer full of copies the same image of riko and every time one gets worn out they put a new one up. It’s more of an inside joke now but wymack still hates that little puke even though he’s dead so it stays up

Post-canon Neil gets drunk and teaches the team how to steal a car by hot wiring Matt’s truck

Matt does drag for halloween one year and Dan liked it a little too much *cough cough* she pegged him while he was still in drag

Someone once asked Renee if she was “saving herself for marriage like a good Christian girl should” and Allison knocked them out cold and stepped over the body

Neil calls Aaron ugly to his face literally any chance he gets (I feel like this one might be canon but I actually don’t know What’s real anymore)

Andrew Unironically wears a pink apron that says “kiss the cook” that Nicky got him for Christmas when he bakes

Okay I think that’s it ? For now?? Let me know if y’all want more,,,,, I’ll separate them next time I just really had to dump these and I didn’t want to make multiple posts.

I made this at 5:30 in the morning sorry if it’s riddled with typos and errors.

450 notes · View notes

benoitblanc · 3 years

Note

for the ask game, peggy!

favorite thing about them: how REAL she feels. she is a secret agent in the 1940s, but she is SO contradictory and it's so lovely. she curls her hair and punches people in the face and both of these things are true. she laughs and she grieves and she chews with her mouth open. she falls in love. she pushes people away. she knows damn well she is worth something. she blames herself for everything. she is just so messy.

least favorite thing about them: nothing, but hear me out on this one: she is at her core a really fucked up character for a lot of reasons, but as i've said above, that's why i love her so much

favorite line: "you think you know me, but i have never been more than each of you has created. to you, i'm a stray kitten left on your doorstep to be protected. the secretary-turned-damsel-in-distress. the girl on the pedestal, transformed into some daft whore. you're behaving like children, and what's worse, what's far worse, is that this is just shoddy policework. you were inches away from the woman you want when you loaded me into your car. you should be looking for dottie underwood, who by now i assume has shed her alias."

brOTP: EDWIN GODDAMN JARVIS

OTP: *muffled banging on kevin feige's windows* peggysous

nOTP: ...in the sake of not starting ship wars among the mutuals, let's go with peggy/jack. i love their canon dynamic but i'm very glad the writers never went romantic. i don't think that would have worked at all

random headcanon: she and jarvis once broke into the white house. a certain russian assassin and two very alarmed ssr chiefs may or may not have also been involved. who's to say?

unpopular opinion: she is ALWAYS, without fail, MUCH more interesting when steve isn't involved. the season finale of what if felt so much more... right than the pilot, because peggy was just allowed to be peggy

song i associate with them: "dream" by priscilla ahn and unfortunately "viva la vida" by coldplay, the latter of which to the point that there may or may not be an inspired gifset in my queue right now. those are both terribly angsty and i'm sorry

favorite picture of them: this is kind of a copout because it's not just of peggy but i have been waiting for an excuse to post this screengrab from 2.08 for MONTHS:

a. that is without a doubt the best outfit of hers and b. she and daniel have had ENOUGH of jack and it's hysterical. i'm obsessed with their faces. they're SO funny

send a character!!!

#thanks so much for asking!!!#answered #about mutuals #kai tag #marvel #agent carter #peggy carter

38 notes · View notes

capcavan · 4 months

Note

I love media analysis and I saw your discussion questions so...yea sorry about the length. (I'm open to discussion)

Look, I'm new here (been here for about a month) so I wasn't aware people don't like Riko? I personally quite like him as a character and didn't know that's not a particularly popular opinion? But I'm of the firm belief that not all villains are meant to be "redeemable". You can understand or sympathize with their motivations and character, but that's not the same as having redeeming qualities. And I think Riko is one of those characters who doesn't have redeeming qualities. He's supposed to be a hated villain. Heck, his first appearance in the series is literally him swooping in on stage to dark ominous music, dressed in black like a bloody supervillain. He gets all the "classic abusive ex" lines, an obscene amount of power, and some really bizarre unhinged moments (ex. handcuffing Neil to a bed and spitting in his mouth).

We're told right at the top, "Hey, this guy is a villain and he's not going to stop being a villain." So he's pretty easy to hate if you are just trying to get through the story. The last character in a novel I really hated was Professor Lovell in Babel by R.F. Kuang. He's another one of those characters you are meant to hate but you're also meant to comes to hate him slowly. You see him from the eyes of the person he abused so you get to see what it's like for the main character to slowly realize that this man who starts off by saving him and giving him a home is and has always been, a terrible person.

Riko doesn't get that treatment. We see him first from the perspective of someone who has never met him but already hates him (Neil) and second, from the perspective of someone who's suffered him and hated him for a long time and is already done with him (Jean).

If he ever had any good sides, the reader doesn't see them so it's easy to hate him. But I would argue, that's the point. We're supposed to see Riko as the insane abusive ex and we're supposed to wonder along with Neil and Andrew why the fuck Kevin can't let him go. Like, what's so good about this ludicrous supervillain that you can't even shit-talk him behind his back?

But Riko's not actually a one-dimensional supervillain. Neil says it straight up and gets it exactly right (he's kind of just spit-balling but Riko reacts to it like he's been read to filth) -- that Riko was brought up as a commodity and not as a human, that his delusions of grandeur were encouraged and that no one ever wanted him as a human (not his uncle, not his brother, certainly not his father). TSC does a lot to confirm it with descriptions of how he was treated by his uncle and how he obsessed over the letter about Kevin's father along with Kevin.

But ultimately, I think the reason why Riko doesn't get as nuanced a treatment as one might like is because the main conflicts the characters overcome have nothing actually to do with Riko. Neil overcomes fear and mistrust in others, Andrew overcomes his fear of letting himself have anything good. Even Kevin's conflict is more about asserting himself than about fighting Riko. (And Jean has so much trauma, Riko's barely a drop in the bucket.)

Anyway, I like Riko because I think properly sadistic villains are fun and because I think he's an interesting character.

This ask read like very sexy Riko fanfic anon drop your ao3 so I can check something for myself ty, if not let me commission you for some riko writtign after I get cash

#riko moriyama #aftg #all for the game

10 notes · View notes

meanminyxrd · 3 years

Text

neil josten and his foxes

Guess who’s re-reading TKM. Yeah. So! Before you is a series of quotes from the kidnapping scene that I have compiled to showcase that throughout the entire build-up to Baltimore and then within the scenes that take place thereafter, the one thing Neil I Form No Attachments To Anyone Josten was thinking of most was his foxes.

Also some bonus Andreil moments bc I’m a little bitch for them.

Don’t read if you are worried ab spoilers!

“He’d promised Andrew he’d hold his ground here, but he couldn’t do that if it meant catching his teammates in the cross-fire.”

“He was sorry to leave them with all of his lies, sorry they’d have to get the truth from Kevin after the fact. They were all right here with him but he missed them with a ferocity that threatened to turn him inside out.”

“Neil dropped his racquet and let his bag get ripped from his shoulder. Andrew and Kevin knew he’d never let go of these things willingly. It wouldn’t tell them where he’d gone, but they’d know he hadn’t left them by choice.”

“Neil clung to a version of the truth that would protect the Foxes, but no matter how many times he said it she wouldn’t stop. Eventually he stopped answering altogether, afraid he’d slip up in his pain and panic, and saved his energy for breathing.”

“He didn’t want to think about this, didn’t want to feel this, so he thought about the Foxes instead. He clung tight to the memory of their unhesitating friendship and their smiles. He pretended the heartbeat pounding a sick pace in his temples was an Exy ball ricocheting off the court walls. He thought of Wymack holding him up in December and Andrew pushing him down against the bedroom floor. The memories made him weak with grief and loss, but they made him stronger, too. He’d come to the Foxhole Court every inch a lie, but his friends made him into someone real.”

"He traced the outline of a key into his bloody, burnt palm with a shaky finger, closed his eyes, and wished Neil Josten goodbye.”

(because he couldn’t afford to allow them to kill neil; neil belonged to the foxes and always would. nathaniel was the one who was sworn off to this fate, not neil.)

“Look: these are the people I chose to stay with even knowing I couldn’t stay for long. I picked them over my own safety. So give them back to me and I’ll answer anything you ask.”

“They might hate him, they might fear him, and they would likely never forgive him, but Nathaniel couldn’t leave them like this. He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye yesterday. He had to say it today, before the feds pushed him so deep the light would never again reach him.”

“‘They can’t leave without Andrew, and Andrew won’t go anywhere until he talks to me.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Yes, I do.’ Even if it was just to tear Nathaniel apart for hiding this from him, Andrew would wait as long as it took. He wasn’t the sort to leave things unfinished. Nathaniel knew that, believed that, with every fiber of his being. It was enough to soothe the sting of Town’s callous warning. ‘You can take me to him, or you can let me rot silently in a cell somewhere. Those are your only options.”

“In a terrible, impossible way, this somehow felt like home. Nathaniel wanted to claw that feeling out of himself and burn it. The Foxhole Court was the only home he needed; the Foxes were his family. He didn’t want any of this to have a hold on him anymore. How sad, how strange, how stupid, that he could run so far and still end up back here in the end. He couldn’t stand the sight of the city, so he tipped his head back and closed his eyes.”

“Nathaniel opened his mouth, but words failed him. Last night he knew he’d never see any of them again. Having them back was a salve on every one of his aching wounds, but he was keenly aware he was just here for goodbye. It would kill him to walk out of here.”

As a warning, the rest of these are pretty much Andreil based.

“Andrew shifted as if to get up and Nathaniel knew he was going to shut Browning up for good. Nathaniel knew better than to touch Andrew yet but he got as close as he could and framed Andrew’s face between his bandaged hands. Andrew could have easily pushed him aside, but after a short pause he got settled again. Nathaniel flicked him a quick look, grateful for that compliance.” (he’s always so whole-heartedly grateful when andrew chooses to do the bare minimum and i love him)

“They were there for me, and they would have hurt all of you to get me out of there. I thought by keeping my mouth shut I could keep you safe.”

“It was Nathaniel’s fault Andrew’s self-control was in shreds, but it was also for his sake. Andrew’s bottomless rage would never hurt Nathaniel, and that made all the difference in the world.”

“I have to go,” Andrew said. “I don’t trust them to give you back.”

“This had to be a cruel dream. Their forgiveness threatened to burn Nathaniel up from the inside-out, as healing as it was damning. He didn’t deserve their friendship or their trust. He’d never be able to repay them for rallying behind him like this. He could try the rest of his life, however long it was going to be now that Stuart was in the picture and Nathan was out, and he’d always fall short.”

That’ll close out this post but thank you for reading, if you did! Reread AFTG again, you won’t regret it.

#aftg #all for the game #tkm #the king's men #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #the foxhole court #tfc

19 notes · View notes

teawaffles · 3 years

Text

The Conspiratorial Bullet: Chapter 1, Part 2

Louis held out the box of paper strips.

“It’s your turn, nii-san. By the way, Albert nii-sama has drawn blue.”

The lots were thin strips of paper, marked with either red or blue on one end to distinguish them. A look around showed that Fred and Jack had also drawn blue. Moran and Bond were holding red lots.

“How convenient: with the old geezer and me on different teams, I can get back at him for all that hellish training.”

“Rubbish; as for me, this’ll be an excellent opportunity to whack that character of yours into shape.”

Watching Moran and Jack engage in that feisty exchange, Bond spoke to Fred.

“Both of you won’t be playing around, huh. Come to think of it, Fred-kun: I wonder if you’re the type who’ll go all out in this kind of game?”

“……I don’t think I’m the type of person to get as passionate as you said. But as for you, Mr Bond, you look like you’re enjoying yourself to the fullest.”

“Quite right — it’d be a waste not to have fun with these things, you know,” Bond replied with a teasing wink.

Ascertaining the teams that they’d drawn, William proceeded to draw a lot as well. Taking into account the balance of power in the game, with the outstanding combat abilities of their organisation, it would be preferable to have their members equally divided between the two teams — but he’d drawn blue.

Troubled, William stared at the strip of paper marked with blue at one end.

“Now four of us are on the blue team. It seems there will be some differences in strength between the two sides…… Which reminds me: Louis, you haven’t drawn your team yet?”

“Since I’m in charge of the box, I thought I would pick last. But truthfully, I would like to be on the same team as well……” he professed, looking at his brothers in turn.

Hearing that, both William and Albert responded with gentle smiles.

“I feel the same, Louis. Well, since this is just a game anyway, it’s not imperative to maintain that strict a balance.”

“If any problems arise, we can always adjust accordingly by changing the number of people on each team and so on. Please don’t worry about that, and I hope you pick blue.”

“……Don’t you care that our team will be at a disadvantage? Oi.”

“Isn’t that alright, Moran-kun? It’s what makes the game worth playing.”

Moran watched the brothers’ harmonious exchange with narrowed eyes, and Bond held him back with a broad grin.

Then, from one side, a girl’s voice came flying forth.

“Wow, your family is full of wonderful people, William. With this range, I’m spoilt for choice.”

As she looked upon the Moriarty household all gathered together, Helena’s eyes were positively sparkling. Bond knelt down to meet her gaze.

“Hello, so you’re Miss Helena? I heard you have a very unique sensibility.”

“That’s right; I can see colours. Yours is like the street lamps that light up the city at night — it’s fun and stylish.”

“A fun colour? How lovely!”

As the two chatted away merrily, beside them, Kevin bowed several times in a panic.

“I’m terribly sorry. For her to use such indecorous words as ‘spoilt for choice’……”

Helena’s guardian had broken out in a cold sweat, but Moran gave him a friendly smile.

“It’s alright, Mr Kevin. Anyway, the fact that she speaks her mind reflects well on your parenting……. By the way, miss: what kind of colour do I have? I’m sure it’s a hearty and ferocious kind of colour, isn’t it?”

“……What’s a ferocious colour?”

At Moran’s choice of words, Fred frowned.

“Given your history, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a gaudy pink,” Jack teased.

“That’s the only thing I don’t ever want to hear from you, you old geezer!”

A young playboy flying into a rage against an old Casanova made for a strange sight indeed. Helena was watching their exchange with glee, when she suddenly clapped her hands together.

“Oh right, I have to pick a team too.”

Saying that, she reached into the box Louis was holding — in this game, both children and adults were free to participate. A little distance away, a group of aristocrats’ children were comparing the colours of their lots, their moods swinging between joy and dejection.

“Ah, yes; I haven’t drawn mine either.”

Right after Helena, Kevin eagerly reached into the box as well. She had drawn red, while Kevin’s was blue.

Looking at their strips of paper in turn, the corners of Helena’s mouth twitched upwards in a nihilistic smile.

“An interesting development, I see. This’ll be a struggle between parent and child, flesh and blood.”

“H-Helena? Where on earth did you pick up those words?”

At that brash language, Kevin broke into a cold sweat once again. But Helena ignored that and looked at Louis, who was now the last to draw his lot. Her expression was unmistakably brimming with anticipation.

“I can’t wait to see which way Mr Louis will go. If he draws red, then he’ll end up fighting his own siblings. He shall be fated to turn against the brothers he so admires. And their hearts will ache as they confront him. With both sides locked in struggle, the time will finally come when they must level their guns at one another. If this is not a tragedy, then what is? ……Aah, I’m so excited!”

She gestured theatrically as she spoke, and Louis narrowed his eyes in disapproval.

“Sorry to pour cold water on your excitement, but that’s impossible,” he said. “Because the three of us are of one mind and heart.”

There was a strange conviction in Louis’ voice. Amused, Moran spoke up.

“I don’t know what the odds are, but that’s the spirit. If you’re so sure, then go ahead and take it.”

“I don’t even have to. The bonds between us will never be broken, not even by gods.”

Undaunted, Louis drew the final lot with great force.

It was red.

T/N: Louis…!! ( ; ω ; ) Also, for everyone’s reading convenience, I will be tracking the game’s progress here at the end of each chapter :3

Scoreboard

🔹 Blue team: Albert, Jack, Fred, William, Kevin

🔺 Red team: Moran, Bond, Louis, Helena

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuumori #english translation #the girl who sees rainbows

97 notes · View notes

7holyharpy · 3 years

Note

Thoughts on bonkai

And julie plec hatred of them ?

I love Bonkai. I completely understand where skeptics come from when they ask why Bonnie fans would ship her with someone who hurt her so terribly - but, as I’ve said before, that’s what the entire show + nearly all of its ships are about. Bonnie has the most realistic reactions to the terrible things the other characters do, and that’s why Bonkai to me is so much more earned as a relationship (regardless of whether it’s ultimately reciprocated or not) than Delena or even Klaroline, for example. I’ll ship Bonnie with just about anyone who’s an actual character (and Enzo is not, but I digress) who has not cheated on her, but my main two Bonnie ships are Kai and Damon - merely because they’re the only two people who’ve canonically prioritized her first and foremost (as late as it was on both ends, and as twisted as it is for Kai). I will say, from what we got in canon, Bonkai could not have a healthy dynamic nor could Bonnie reciprocate fully until some major time and groveling had passed. Bonnie is not Elena (and not to bash Elena, she’s literally a traumatized kid), but a few well-chosen words and lustful moments will not make up for what Kai did to her and other innocents. The most compelling Bonkai stories are those in which Bonnie is drawn to Kai despite herself, and her fear of this attraction and what it means about herself means she resists it until she can’t - and then she uses that to blackmail Kai into being a good citizen despite his murderous tendencies. Because Kai can at the very least play nice when Bonnie’s approval is on the line - we saw that before he was imprisoned in the second prison world. And I’m convinced canonically that Kai is in love with Bonnie as it is possible for him to be - from seeking her out repeatedly to reminiscing over Bonnie in Legacies.

JP hates them because she hates Bonnie. That’s all. All those writers hate Bonnie, even Kevin Williamson, because how else do you write a show glorifying the Confederacy and conveniently forgetting the Black woman when it comes time to play dress up or receive a love triangle but remember her to have her die the most or be the only character to get explicitly cheated on? Bonnie’s storylines are no accident, and once the outcry was too much, they shoved her with the empty vessel of a character that is Enzo via flashback (and then killing him and sending her around the world, starting with Africa) rather than giving us any sort of genuine emotional investment for the character who’s suffered the most. I won’t argue this point - losing the people you love is terrible but not the same as sacrificing yourself repeatedly because you believe your only worth is as the help. I think they allowed Kai to fixate on Bonnie (they would never admit that he has any sort of genuine connections or feelings for her, at most remorse and at worst just a lust for the power she represents) because they couldn’t continue beating that dead horse for Elena (Damon, Stefan, Elijah, Matt, etc.) or Caroline (Klaus, Tyler, Stefan, etc.) while sidelining Bonnie and they noticed fans most loved the storylines where a compelling villain falls for one of the heroines. Kai does not necessarily have the same utilitarian impact Klaus does in calculating villainous damage, but he’s significantly more twisted and his crimes more horrific, at least in the way he’s presented. So we get him fixating on Bonnie - but he’s not allowed to be a legitimate love interest - because JP and co. genuinely do not believe that someone as interesting as Kai could fall for Bonnie, especially when Elena (“sorry I’m nervous, you’re so pretty” what the fuck was that) or Caroline (lest we forget, she was Enzo’s second choice after Lily and before Bonnie) exists. In fact, I’m sure JP only found Kai’s thing for Bonnie believable because she’s the only woman he’d seen in twenty years. I don’t know who we have to think for Kai’s clear adoration for Bonnie regardless of how many women he’s surrounded by (probably just Chris Wood himself), but the entire show running team would never allow them to be canon simply because they hate Bonnie. And yes, it’s racist.

#tvd #bonkai #bonnie bennett #anti tvd #anti julie plec #anti Kevin Williamson #anti caroline dries #anti bonenzo

77 notes · View notes

orangefoxes · 3 years

Note

Hey, so I've been trying to submit a prompt but it won't work so here it goes I know this will be sad but what if Neil gets really sad and depressed (the reason is up for interpretation ex: bullied by jack or is haunted by PTSD) and so he becomes full of self hate and becomes anorexic and cuts himself #andreil (this would mean so much since I've been through similar circumstances and was strong enough to pull through and keep living, this book and your Tumblr have helped me so much)

Hi @soph-ie21 I am so sorry this took a whopping 4 years for me to post. I’m terrible for not checking my inbox as my notifications have been turned off for tumblr since I was like 13. I’m so glad to hear that you recovered from your ED, you must be so strong and I’m so proud of you as I know how difficult that is to do. I’m hoping this is the sort of prompt you were looking for, if you’re even looking after this long, as it’s not very dialogue heavy, but here you go.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER, SELF LOATHING, ANOREXIA.

When in high stress situations, to cope, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol. It’s alright in small doses, helpful even. It triggers your fight or flight response and readies the body to do something, fast. Constant exposure to the hormone however, has some not so good long term effects. Effects that include, but are not limited to: high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and, arguably the mildest, weight gain.

Cortisol results in weight gain for two reasons. The first is because it slows your metabolism, and the second is because the drop in blood sugar from constant high blood pressure means that you start craving fatty, sugary foods, which leads to overeating. Neil’s memory is not nearly good enough for him to recall what foods he had craved over the years, but he and his mother shied away from sweets and chocolate for dental reasons, it probably would have been a hardship for many kids growing up but Neil had never much cared for sugar anyway. However, what he and his mother did indulge in is a lot of fatty, fast food. Partly because it was cheap, partly because it was something they could eat while on the move, and partly because no one would look twice at two sketchy people in a Burger King or remember a beaten up old car briefly pausing in a drive thru.

While never giving much thought to how he looked (short of checking for ginger roots and the bruise on his cheek from where his mother had slapped that smile from his face), Neil does remember his weight fluctuating a lot when he was younger. The more stressful the months, the chubbier he got. It was in the quiet periods as he and his mother settled down and didn’t dare to venture into the supermarket too often that he began to lose it again. It was a cycle.

In Millport, Neil was at his lowest weight yet. There was only a solitary McDonald’s in town and Neil wasn’t about to become a regular. He stocked up on tinned food from the supermarket in his first week in town instead and meticulously made his way through them, heating the can up on the hot plate he had bought for four dollars from the thrift store in the high street.

He gained weight again once he started at Palmetto, he gained muscle mass too. This, of course, was thanks to three free meals a day and a new training regime with daily exercise. It was to be expected, but if, perhaps, he gained weight quicker than his teammates and muscle slower, well, he had bigger things to worry about.

Then he knew he was going to live.

Then everything with the Moriyamas was…well, not gone, but resolved.

That’s not to say there was nothing to stress about. There was the influx of reporters wanting to catch the Foxes’ attention to ask about Nathaniel Wesninski. There was Kevin’s impending break down as Riko’s funeral came and went. There was Aaron’s trial. Honestly it probably would have gone as stressful situations for Neil always go - here and gone just as quickly - except it turns out that Nicky cooks when he’s stressed, and Neil, well, he’s a stress eater.

After Aaron is declared innocent, Nicky resumes as normal. Neil…not quite. He’s constantly opening the cupboards to look for something to eat only to close them again when he finds nothing of interest. Without Nicky cooking, there’s nothing he can easily dig into and Neil, while accumulating many skills over the years, had never been a hand in the kitchen. The only things ready-eat that were consistently in the dorm were ramen and ice-cream. Even the thought of ramen makes Neil want to vomit and Neil wasn’t so desperate that he would resort to eating something as sweet as ice cream. Not that Andrew would let him if he did. (Andrew wasn’t a sharer).

He started to feel hungry.

He was always hungry.

The first few days he started to skip meals, he didn’t even notice he was doing it. Surely he didn’t notice he was doing it.

It’s just -

Here’s the thing.

Maybe he stress eats. Maybe his mother did too. They spent long car journeys with a family sized bag of potato chips resting by the gear stick and they spent half the time stuffing handfuls into their mouths and the other half checking the mirrors for cars that stayed behind them a touch to long. So maybe he stress ate, but it was never because of hunger: it was because of craving. It was because it gave him something to do with his hands. It was only when things quietened down, when the weeks turned long with the monotonous almost-existence that took up the majority of Neil’s life growing up (here’s something no one tells you about life on the run, in between the moments of sheer terror, it’s very very very boring), it was only then, that Neil actually began to feel things like hunger.

So when the hunger pangs began to curdle in his stomach, well, he didn’t mind. It meant he was safe enough to feel the hunger.

Maybe for the first couple of days he didn’t notice it. But then he noticed it.

He noticed enough to avoid things like rice and bread. Danger foods that packed on the calories and that made him bite the inside of his cheek until it bled at the mere thought. He noticed enough that he began to watch the others train and saw their muscles flex and couldn’t help but track their muscle growth and measure it up against his own. He always found himself lacking.

That’s when it started to get worse. If Allison spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then Neil would do 30. If Kevin did 40 push ups. Then Neil would do 50. If Renee had a salad for lunch, then Neil would just have a fruit pot.

The first time Andrew noticed that he skipped a meal, Neil just blinked. Being who he was, Neil didn’t do stupid things like stumble for lies and this time was no different. When Andrew asked about him not eating Neil just blinked like he hadn’t even noticed until Andrew brought it up.

He blinked and said “oh, you’re right. I got so caught up in watching exy reruns i didn’t even notice”

He said, “thanks, I’ll grab something in a sec”

Andrew breathed a scoffing breath down his nose, rolled his eyes and called him a junkie. He didn’t look at all surprised, as though Neil was only confirming what he had already guessed. Which of course is the trick all good liars employ.

Neil wondered if he would be surprised if he were to find out how impossible it would be for Neil to forget a meal time. He could never forget. All he thought about was food. It was all he thought about.

Food began to feel like it was all he cared about. Cared about more than school. Cared about more than exy. Is it terrible of him that that more than anything else feels like the worst thing?

And then, as things do, it got worse.

It turned into Neil stood in front of the mirror (looking at his body but not his eyes, never his eyes) and pinching the flesh between his fingers. Noticing every part of him that didn’t harden into muscle like the others. Noticing all the scars that had stretched strangely over a waist and thighs that are no longer as small.

He begins to peck at his food. Rip it into tiny pieces. Andrew looks down at his plate and glowers at him. Neil gives him a cheeky grin. He knows what he’s thinking. That this is just another one of those Andrew-mannerisms that Neil is taking on for himself. Like the sarcastic salutes and the blank, waiting stares. It’s so much easier to hide how little you’ve eaten when it’s all in pieces.

He didn’t know how to explain it. He just knows he needs to be thinner. He needs to weigh less. It’s not about looks. It’s never been about looks. He just needs to do this. He needs to be smaller. It will be alright then. Because then…then…

Well it will be alright then.

So here’s the thing about guilt and self loathing: they’re useless emotions. Andrew would be quick to agree. (Though Andrew is a hypocrite and is chock full of the both of them). His mother would agree too. How many times had Neil slipped poison into someone’s drink, stole from someone just as desperate, shot someone who maybe or maybe-not deserved it? And how many times after that did his mother pinch and prod at him and repeat the same mantra of “don’t you dare let guilt slow you down, you slow down and you’re dead”

Well, Mum, he’s slowed down. He slowed down so much that he’s stopped altogether and guess what? He fucking hates himself.

He replays it all in his head like a terrible loop. The boy in Switzerland that he tricked into taking his jacket so His fathers men would go after him instead. The old women he and his mother tricked into housing them and then slipped something in her tea until she slept and never woke up again. The homeless man who had broken into the house they were squatting in that Neil had shot on instinct. Seth.

Seth. Seth. Seth.

He fucking hates himself. Honestly the hunger pains kind of feel like the best thing he’s ever felt after that. The pain, the ache, he deserves it.

Then it gets worse. Then comes the worst part.

Andrew’s meds change again. The others had begun to make him irritable and he always had an energy crash by about 5pm and a terrible headache. The new ones wouldn’t be of much note as they did nothing groundbreakingly different, short of getting rid of the headaches and not sapping so much of his energy.

Except for one key side effect of the meds.

They suppressed Andrew’s appetite.

More and more Andrew is missing meals. He won’t even eat more than a tablespoon of ice cream. Neil watches him and adjusts himself to suit. He doesn’t know why, but he just can’t be eating more than him, he can’t.

The frustration he feels about Andrew’s meds soon turn to resentment. He hates that he has to watch Andrew not eat and not seem affected by it at all. Andrew lessens his exercise under Betsy’s advice and yet nothing changes. His weight stays the same. He probably even loses some thanks to the loss of muscle. Neil watches and Neil hates. He hates that if he skipped out on training he would pack on the pounds, he hates that his stomach hurt and hurts and Andrew doesn’t spare a thought on food at all.

He starts to avoid the roof. He starts to dodge Andrew’s gaze the same way he does his own in the mirror.

The next time they’re alone and Andrew leans in, more hesitant than he’s been in months, Neil jerks back and snaps “No.”

It isn’t even completely because of the resentment. The majority of it is because he feels disgusting and fat and he can’t bare Andrew touching him right now. Can’t bare him looking at him.

Andrew’s face closes off and he slides back to the other side of the couch. He’s searching Neil’s face, trying to find the misstep, trying to find what he did wrong.

Good, let him think he did something wrong.

Now that’s the resentment.

It’s immediately one of the worst things Neil has ever thought. He remembers sitting, trembling, on the roof, Andrew refusing to touch him saying “I wont be like them, I wont let you let me be”

And Neil’s trying to make him think, wants to make him feel -

Jesus Christ. He’s a piece of fucking shit.

He slams his way out of the dorm and runs and runs and runs.

He sleeps in the locker room and slumps out in the morning so he’s first in the main room for the meeting with Wymack. He sits on a chair that’s as far away from every other seat as it can get while still completing the make do semi-circle around where Wymack usually stands. When the others begin to filter in they take in his new seat, but don’t comment when they see his storming expression.

When Andrew sees him he pauses for a beat in the doorway before continuing to his usual seat on the couch. He stares at Neil blankly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching in his lap. Wymack hesitates but doesn’t say anything. The others play at being uninterested and only Aaron openly looks between Neil and Andrew with a steadyingly darkening expression.

Neil slams his locker and gets changed in the cubicles for the first time in months. He’s vicious in practice. Throwing in as many dirty moves as he can. Andrew stands in the goal and does nothing. When it’s only Wymack’s sharp whistle that stops Neil bringing his racket down on Matt’s arm when he attempts to steal the ball, Neil is benched.

He yanks off his helmet and slumps down on the bench and tries to remember how to breathe through rage.

He’s sat, pinching at the skin on his thigh, for ten minutes before Allison joins him. She holds out a breakfast bar and Neil stiffens.

“Eat, it might help you stop being such a raging asshole,” she says.

Neil takes the breakfast bar and when she doesn’t immediately leave he opens it and snaps a bit off with his fingers.

He stares down the rolled oats and nuts and grimaces at the sticky feeling of the syrup that holds them together. He feels sick.

“Are you going to eat?” Allison says.

Neil looks at her and huffs a bitter breath through his nose. A wry smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He remembers that Allison battled bulimia for years.

You can’t lie to a liar.

She looks at his face. Concern trying to become anger that she’s trying to force to stay concern. She looks at his face and then over at Andrew, who is stood in his goal watching them as Kevin shouts at him to fucking do something already. She looks back at Neil.

“You know, relationships are hard enough without mental health problems in the mix. Seth and I were a terrible combination for many reasons and that was one them. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that it shouldn’t be done, I’m just saying it makes it so much harder. He used to try to make me eat. I hated him for that. Hated that I had to hide my own habits in my own room. One day, after he stopped me from going to purge one too many times we got into an argument. I said some disgusting things to him. The next day he was in the hospital because of an overdose. He had to get his stomach pumped. You know what the worst thing is? I don’t even remember what it is I said. I don’t know if what I did triggered him or if it would have happened anyway, but it couldn’t have helped. You’re always going to trigger each other at one point or another, it’s unavoidable. But if you know that and you don’t do anything to help yourself…well that’s when every shit thing you think about yourself starts to become true. So tell me, are you a piece of shit that’s going to drag everyone down with you, or are you better than that?”

Neil looks down at the breakfast bar. He still can’t make himself eat it.

He swallows harshly against the lump in his throat. He has to swallow two more times until he’s sure he can talk without crying.

“What’s betsy’s number?” He asks.

Allison doesn’t smile, but she nods like he’s done the right thing and pulls out her phone.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to point out that Neil is very flawed and toxic in his thinking and Allison is harsh in what she says to him just because she’s a harsh person. If you have an eating disorder I know sometimes help and recovery seems like the worst thing in world and something you really don’t want, but please, please seek help. You can do it.

#Neil josten #andrew minyard #Allison Reynolds #the foxhole court #andreil #all for the game #anorexia #eating disorder

42 notes · View notes