#sorry long post. i thought about putting it under a readmore but its my own blog and im not gonna make my invisible disability even more so

[databent]

this is just me rambling mostly about myself sorry. but i hate how much it Sucks having a completely invisible and often totally unrecognized+dismissed disability 🥲 like i have non-24 hour sleep-wake disorder and it makes it impossible for me to keep a normal schedule (when ive had to - ie when i attended school, or if i were to work any regular job - id get so sleep deprived i couldnt wake myself up and/or would become too drained to function) but circadian rhythm disorders are full on seen as nonexistent by a majority of the population and those that do know of them often think its just "being a night owl" and you "can just work through it with a little discipline". so access to a diagnosis and/or accomodations is virtually nonexistent and i basically just have to either constantly deprive myself of sleep and permanently wreck my health or just put my entire life on hold for almost a third of every month. and im fortunate enough to have a job that (somewhat) allows me to work flexible hours and generally lets me work only the days im awake to, but because of my disorder being so invisible i know that from the perspective of everyone else there i just look like a guy with unpredictable attendance who comes in at inconsistent times and often only stays for like three hours, with nothing at all that makes it obvious that its because of a fucking disability. so to almost everyone that doesnt intimately know me, for the rest of my life, i will look like nothing but a profoundly lazy and unreliable individual. and it sucks!! and it makes me so mad!!! and its hard to face the fact that even what i CAN do still isnt enough so i constantly have to break my fucking back and put a lot of strain on my body just to meet like what are considered bare minimum standards. im constantly walking on thin ice because there is just no understanding from people of what things are like when you have a lifelong disabling condition that cant be fixed. and i still have it relatively easy! bcos during the times when im functional during the day i have pretty much no issues doing so. but for people with an invisible disability that affects their ability to function or work All The Time theyre Still often held to the same standards as everyone else because of perceptions of what "being disabled" is and basically i just really really hate how society treats invisible disabilities. fuck. its not fair or sustainable its literally killing people

[sleepgarden]

I would love to hear more about that quote if you’re comfortable sharing!!

Yes! Okay I'll write it under a readmore- content warnings for abuse and trauma, in this specific case sexual. ...It ended up very long, I'm sorry >< !! I hope it all makes sense at least.

Now that I'm actually about to write it I realize how much context i need to give, so I'll try to do it as simply as possible but this is actually the first time im talking about this piece in depth, so it may still be a little messy..

At the time of making the piece I was at the end of a very long and hurtful relationship. During that relationship I was coerced, taken advantage of, and had my decline of consent ignored (that's one way to put it.. its hard to talk about lol). The timeline leading up to the illustration is hard to explain, but some time before is when i started accepting that i was trans. I allowed myself to see me as i am, explore my identity, approach my own thoughts/feelings with curiosity instead of fear. I gained a lot of confidence in that time (at least, compared to what i had before!) but i kept it a secret from my then-partner as they werent exactly accepting. With this newfound confidence though I expressed some desires to them that they gave a very clear and solid no to, so I immediately dropped it and moved on. (I should also say, i never really asked for anything in that relationship before. The things my partner did made me think that i was asexual for years, lmao) Later, nearing the end of it, is when i started realizing how truly awful the things they did were and how deeply it affected me. I felt like I had given (been taken from, actually) so much and had nothing to show for it. I also had the realization when thinking back about when I myself asked for something too but was told no, just how easy it was to accept that. In fact is was impossible to imagine not accepting it and getting them to do what i wanted anyways.

So to now explain the phrase "and now with thorns of his own, its the roses call to endure" The thorns are the shift of the dynamic, where as before the rose was the only one with them, the character in the illustration had now grown his own. Equally awful to touch or be touched by. He calls on the rose to endure just as he did. But, of course, I didnt feel that way. I would never want to do that to someone. I could never expect that from them, you know? How could I? And thats just it- thats where the anger came from: How could they?

The realization of what its like on the other end to be told "no" and to imagine pushing them to deal with it regardless was infuriating. The illustration calls on the rose to endure, but the anger in the piece is about asking it to do so. It's such an impossible thing to imagine doing, but something that I experienced for years. I was angry with myself for going through that, I was angry with them for everything they did, and i put it all in that illustration. It was genuinely one of the most healing illustrations ive ever made, and i officially ended the relationship soon after.

With all illustrations there really is more to it than can be said with a blanket explanation like that. But the major emotional force was driven by those things, if that makes sense? I am glad people can connect to this piece or see themself in their own way, however they interpret it. I've had people say they feel seen with it, or that its satisfying to them, and it fills my heart so much that it aches. As i said before, its bittersweet, but so meaningful to me.

I wrote this earlier today and while reviewing the draft I see how messy it is, but I'm going to post anyways! I apologize if it's incoherent- it's hard to tall about complex emotions like that. And due to how personal it is (the most personal I've ever been online I think) I'll delete it sometime in the future. Anyways, thank you again for reaching out about it! I don't get a chance to talk about my work very often. ♡

Thank you anyone who ready all that as well!

[smallraindrops-blog]

Does Thy Starry Crown follow the chronological events of TSOA? Because I have a few questions if it does.

It's mentioned that Y/N dies before turning 30, so l'm gonna assume 28-ish. This means Reader would also be 27-28. I'm also assuming that Y/N dies his canonical death like in WMFTD where he gets killed by Ares.

The flashforward part in Part 2 (I think) of TSC is several years after the war- so l'm assuming like 2-3.

If Reader was 14 when he first started training under Patroclus and trained under him before the war for atleast a year; was Achilles brought to Scyros before the war like in TSOA, or what this in the past before Reader came along (or did it not happen at all)?

Sorry if this is a weird question 😭 I was re-reading TSC and thought of it LMFAOOO

No no not a weird question at all! Since my reply is kinda long, I putting it under a readmore.

TSC does loosely follows the chronological events of TSOA, the war starting and ending along with Achilles’ and Patroclus’ deaths are all fixed points I use for TSC.

I consider TSC to be its’ own universe for the ease of the writing and keep the details loosely organized since it wasn’t even a thought until I got that request, and I think I never planned on writing a second part let alone all the others that followed.

TSC does not follow WMFTD canonically. At least the way I write it, totally fine if you or someone else want it to.

This is how I write with TSC in mind:

In this universe, Achilles was married after Chiron’s training since the war that his mother was warned about won’t happen until Achilles is in his middle age. So Spyros never happened, but I like to think he still married the same woman.

During this marriage, he sired Pyrrhus but due to choosing Patroclus over his wife, Achilles’s mother took his son to raise as her own since she ever got to raise Achilles.

A few years later, they will find and adopt Y/N. Then Reader will be taken under Patroclus’ wing later on. Then come along the war and so on.

Close to the end of the war, Reader and Y/N both go on the run, fleeing with the ashes to give back to Chiron. Afterwards, they end up traveling, helping people while trying to stay out of Pyrrhus’ grasp.

So yeah, about two or three years for part two, I’m not locked into a timeline since again I wasn’t sure how much I would end up for writing.

Eventually they settled somewhere far away one of the mountain villages under different names. Y/N found work as a laborer and eventually as woodworker as well.

He helped keep raiders away from the villages, occasionally training the young men ( and women in secret since many disapproved women knowing how to fight at all).

Reader will be both a healer and teacher the children, giving them an education they otherwise would had never gotten. He even earned the honor of being of the few men in Greece who help out in childbirth (men were banned from helping under law I think).

While they were are an odd pair to the eyes of the town-folks, they earned their place among the ppl. Turns out, knowing someone who know medicine and another who can kick almost anyone’s ass is very useful.

I like to think they will live a happy, long life together, tending to a garden and home, taking in orphans when no one could.

Sorry for the long post and I hope this answers everything. Thanks for the opportunity to ramble. :)

[arcadejohn127-9]

I read the Diavolos ball and angsty stuff, can I please please please get a happy ending to go with it?

This has been a highly requested and I must give my poor followers comfort after this straight up angst

So everyone, let's get into it! Some hurt and comfort to soothe your hearts

Warning: angst, long

I'll be putting this under readmore as it is long and I have had someone before say they wanted me to add it on long posts, I never really got any feedback about what I could do better and how this will help with people's viewing but I understand why, long posts can be annoying

If you guys think I should do this with all my long posts please comment or dm me or even state it in asks/requests - I wanna do what I can to make things enjoyable for people

Part 1 - beginning

Diavolo's ball aftermath

It's been a few days since they've seen you; they expected to find you in the dorm. Some fear you went back to the human world; there was no messages, no note - there was nothing. You were completely gone.

Everyone was losing it. The brothers got more aggressively with each other, no longer able to have you come between them. Your presence was so soothing to all of them but now you were gone. As soon as they realized you were gone the whole air of the dorm shifted. It wasn't right.

Mammon got desperate to know where you were. He handed one of his crows a necklace he got you, you promised to never take it off. His heart shattered when he saw it was on your desk. He wasn't sure what he did wrong - why did you take it off? What happened to you?

It wasn't long before the crow came back to the devildom; reporting that you were in fact in the human world. The brothers were devastated. They had to tell the others and they had to watch the hopeful shine in their eyes die.

They could all feel thankful you were unharmed but you were so far. You did this to get away from them. You didn't even leave a damn note!

Diavolo ordered everyone to go to the human world. They all split up into different parties to get you, whoever could get you first had to interrogate you. It didn't take a genius to understand that the Noble told you something horrible - why else would you have such a reaction? Barbatos was tasked to 'calmly discuss' that night with said noble but regardless of how rough and merciless he was; he refused to talk.

It was wasting time and energy. If he wasn't going to talk then they had to get the answer from you. A few were able to gather the gist of what he told you from your conversation before you disappeared; you were convinced you were being used and just a replacement, a pawn to them.

They wanted the full story. The whole reason. Anything! Just to understand why you would push them away and disappear like this. What have they done to make the nobles words feel so real to you? They needed to fix it.

The demon brother's split into a team of two; eldest and youngest, the royals stayed together and the elder exchange students were a double team aswell.

The crows lead the teams their way, splitting up to different routes to see if they could circle you so they could talk to you even if you decided to run.

In the end they found you, you were across the pavement, a train coming. The pedestrian stop dinged as it commanded people to stop but the men couldn't help themselves.

"(Y/N)!!!"

You whipped around, shocked. You thought your ears were playing tricks on you but there was the boys. Your boys. Tears bubbled in your eyes. You couldn't believe it. They followed you to the human world.

The world slowed down; the wind blowing against you as your eyes widened at the sight of them. They looked exhausted, some even with tear streaked cheeks. The more impulsive bunch being held back so they don't go running towards you. The street lights illuminated all of you; their appearance looked just as broken as their hearts.

The train rammed itself between you all. Disturbing the moment with its blaring horn, the screeching wheels ringing in your ears. It was the second you had to decide; do you run? Or do you stay?

To let them get you and finally face your emotions or run away, avoid everything and keep letting despair consume you.

You stayed. You couldn't move at all. It was if you were glued to the spot. But you knew it was just your heart aching for them; desperate to hold them and cry out your pain.

As soon as they could, they all rushed to your side. Hugging you, grabbing at your arms and head to pull you close to them. You choked on your tears as you let the 11 men hug you and check your face and clothes. All just wanting to make sure you were really there and unharmed.

You missed them all dearly and you were so happy they missed you too.

But then the big question was asked.

"what happened that night?"

"he said he was happy to meet me...asked for a dance and I said yes, I never should of, he kept telling me I was just Diavolo's pawn, Lilith's replacement and convinced me none of actually cared for me....I believed him.....I felt so unsure and he knew so much about us I just couldn't stop the doubts in my head....I'm so sorry-!"

Lucifer:

He couldn't believe that noble said that to you

He hastily grabbed your face, wiping away your tears

"You will never be and never have been her replacement, you are your own person, your connection to our sister means nothing other than comfort that she was able to be happy and that's it - I apologize if we have made you feel like you are a replacement and have compared you to her.... please understand we just miss her very dearly but we all want you in our life more than anything."

You buried your face into his shoulder

Sobbing your heart out as you kept chanting apologies and gratitude in a broken voice

He silenced you, holding you close

The prideful demon hid his face as best as he could and let tears drip down his cheeks

He was so relived to have you back

It seemed that noble wasn't only going to be visited by barbatos

Lucifer was not known for being merciful

Mammon:

He grabbed your arm and hastily tugged you towards him

His other hand cradled the back of your head

"Don't ever run away again, you understand?! I'm supposed to be the one protecting ya and how am I supposed to do that if you're off running in different realms without telling anyone??!! That noble doesn't know anything! I don't know how he knew about Lilith but you ain't her, you're (Y/N) And that's it! You are your own person - you gotta call out my dumbass-ary if I compare or make you feel that way, I would never do it on purpose! I like you and only you! I can't lose you again!"

He pushed his forhead against yours

A shaky exhale leaving him

You tried to apologize but he cut you right off, hugging you closer

He was going to make that Noble pay for ever making you doubt yourself like this

To doubt how much he loves you

Levithan:

He was already crying

He was crying before you even considered crying

He rushed to you and grabbed your hands

"I got so scared I did something, Don't listen to that normie! Normies are losers for a reason! There's no one else I would want as my best friend - no one will ever be a better game partner than you! You always make me feel happy and proud to be me-! I couldn't ask for anything more from you! I miss Lilith but I miss you even more! You're my favourite person, you're not some replacement, you're you! You're my player 2-! I'm sorry if I made you feel like you're not as amazing as you are, please don't leave again!"

It wasn't long after his speech he hugged you

Squeezing you tightly as he relished in having you back in real life 3D

since you were gone he kept playing as your game avatars

Using ai set ups to feel like he was with you again in VR

That noble will not stand a chance against his fury

Satan:

He wasn't sure if he was mad at you or himself

It was most likely both - mad you left and let someone just destory so much work and progression in one meeting

But mad at himself for not making you feel secure

He couldn't bring himself to hug you but that was because he was scared he wouldn't let go

"I knew that Noble was nothing but a menace-! You can't listen to people like him, he's just trying to get to you and tear us apart - I don't know why he would do that but he isn't right, he will never EVER be right! You are yourself and never will be Lilith, I didn't get to me her or really know who she was but I do know you will never be her and never were her! I care so much about you and I will make sure to keep my stupid brothers to never make you feel that way again, I've missed you so much (Y/N)."

In the end, he fell into your arms

Holding you tight as he let out his tears of frustration go

You apologized but he just told you to shut up, he didn't want you to be sorry for being the victim

He already had plans on what he's going to do to that noble, trying to push those thoughts away

Focusing on how wonderful it is to have you close

Asmodeus:

As soon as he could reach you, he pulled you into an embrace

Shaking his head as tears streamed down

His makeup already starting to to drip along work his tears

"No! No! No! Noooo!! Don't listen to that horrible noble! He isn't right at all, he doesn't know anything about us or you! He obviously doesn't know how much we care about you and like you as your own person, I never meant to make you feel as if you were some sort of replacement! Lilith was her own being and so are you, your connection means nothing! I i will always be happy knowing my sister got to live the life she wanted but you aren't apart of that, your life is your own and you are nothing like her! I love you because you're you! I couldn't imagine ever loving someone as much as I love you, please come back to the devildom!"

He nuzzled his cheek against yours

Thankful to have you back in his arms again

He didn't like getting his hands messy but no one was going to make you feel that way ever again

He didn't care about that demons status

Beezlebub:

His hand landed on the top of your head

You flinched not expecting such a gentle pat but it only broke his heart more

"That noble knows nothing about you or any of us, he's turned my sister into an enemy to our relationship and I will not let that go on for any longer! You are not her and not her replacement, how dare he make you feel that way! you're apart of my family and I'll have it no other way, I really love you and missed you everyday you were gone - I was scared I'd never feel full again, you make me feel complete and when you disappeared I knew I wouldn't be able to protect you, I would of never forgiven myself if you got hurt! I want to always be able to protect you and have you by my side and make you feel happy - I promise I won't fail you again."

He almost fell to his knees once he was done

He was ready to swear to you on one knee, like a true knight

But instead hugged you

Mindful not to squeeze too hard but let himself be selfish and hold you tighter than he would normally dare to

He was one prone to be violent unless it was in sports or he was starved - the Noble starved him of your touch and kindness

He'll break more than just rooms once he gets his hands on that Noble

Belphegor:

He spun you to face him

Demanding

Needing your attention on him

It was only a few days but it felt like forever since he's had your eyes on him

"You're no pawn and no replacement, you are you and that's all I want, I don't want any one else, I know I've made you feel like a replacement - i did something horrible to you and then tried to make it seem like it was all okay after, I'm always trying to make up for that day but I know that is something that will always effect us! I missed you so much....you are your own person and you've helped me be a better person, come back home and let me make this right......you're all I want and need."

He broke down crying

Hanging his head low and it dropped onto your shoulder

He loosely held your waist whilst you gripped onto him tight

If everyone thought choking you was bad, just wait until they see what he plans to do with that noble

He couldn't stand seeing you so upset anymore

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

He gently held your arm

Giving it a small squeeze as tears built up

"He said all that? I'm sorry he made you feel like that, to feel such confliction and dread, You are never will be or were my pawn, you're a fantastic student and wonderful person who's did more than I've ever imagined Someone could do, if I could have asked you myself properly to be apart of the exchange program I would of but the world is not yet ready to merge and be aware of our existence.... please you have my deepest apologies and regrets that you felt this way and I've allowed such a person in my court, I will do whatever I can to make this right."

The tears finally fell and he became selfish

Hugging you tight against him, his fingers brushing against any skin he could touch

He couldn't dare to think how he'll be when you finally do leave the program

But until that time comes he needed to make it a good experience for you

If what barbatos did to him wasn't enough to convince him then he will not go back on his word

He'll fix this and do whatever he can to make all the pain stop

Barbatos:

He sighed in relief seeing you in the flesh

Knees buckling as he stood before you

His knuckles bloodied and bruised under his gloves

"I should of been more comforting when I found you, if I had known that was what he said I would of never let him be apart of the lord's court or be at that party, believe me when I say you are not a pawn or someone's replacement - you are so much more than that, you are you and someone that's made me feel closer to the present, to act quicker and stop using endless time as a excuse, I will fix this and make him regret ever uttering a word to you, I promise you."

Your touch was as gentle as ever

He caved, leaning against you

Happy to be able to make amends and fix the situation

The nobles dealt with him once and no matter what he did it wasn't enough

But he was merely holding back to be a gentleman, even if that noble now looks like a beaten raisin

It seemed he will have to do much worse to send everyone's message across

Solomon:

His face was gentle yet scolding

He gently brushed your cheek, wiping away a stray tear

"don't run off next time something like this happens, your life is so short and I hate to think would could happen if I lost you because you felt isolated even from me, you though you could find solace as both of us are humans but I was slow to understand your needs - you are deeply loved by everyone, I envy how much love you get and that's why I can't stand to see you run! I also love you and your presence, you have been so kind to me and I still have so much to teach you- please believe me when I say you're no one's pawn or replacement, you're important because you're you."

You crumbled completely

He hugged you as you apologized, calling yourself an idioit

But it only made him tsk, rubbing your back as he filled your ears with praises

He was sure the demons were going to rip that Noble to shreds but he couldn't help but desire his own revenge

Seeing you like this hurt him so much

Simeon:

He was so quick and gentle you could of mistaken him as a feather

He embraced you, cradling your head and rubbed soothing circles between your shoulder blades

"I was worried about you, I took you home and then I learn you've completely disappeared! No warning or note behind, you ran away - your feelings are extremely valid and I understand why you did this, It must of been so conflicting and you needed space to think and reflect, you're so strong (Y/N)! but you are also smarter than this, I feel ashamed knowing I haven't showed you how much I appreciate you being in my life and make sure you feel secure in the Devildom, I want to look over you but I've failed you already, that Noble does not know what he's talking about regardless of the information he has! I would never let anyone use you or let anyone treat you as some replacement, we all care so much about you."

He slightly swayed with you in his arms

Overwhelmed by his fears and the emotions that were rushing through him

He promised to never harm an innocent soul

That noble did not have one

He will leave the more physically destructive rage to the others

Wanting to merely talk and show the noble the error of his ways

Bonus:

You were back in the Devildom, Everyone was making sure to spend extra time with you. So happy to have you back and wanting to work on making you feel more secure. You couldn't stop how fast your heart was beating from all the overwhelming joy you felt.

It felt so good to be back. But you nagging worry remained in your head; what was going to happen to the Noble? you wished you could go up to him and yell at him. Prove him wrong and make him regret ever making you spiral like that.

When you brought up the idea, the men all looked at each other. A knowing look in their eye.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N) but I think it's best you don't see him but rest assured, we've dealt with him on your behalf and understand your wishes - let us know how we can help you feel resolved from that situation if this is unsatisfactory."

Diavolo answered. If it weren't the state the noble was in they'd happily let you chew him out but your heart and mind have been through enough already. No need to add on to the hurt with seeing what was left of him. They couldn't stand to see you upset again.

But you agreed, thanking them for their support and handling the situation. Unaware of their true actions. They all wished you a great day before going back to their own private meeting.

[phoenixfangs]

Dying at the tag on the opinion bingo djdkdkd. But I’d like to see ur big brain thoughts onnnn the naruhodous (Phoenix and Ryuunosuke). And a beloathèd character of your choice xoxo

apologies because this is going to be LONG but i do not want to put it under a readmore or anything. u WILL look at my opinions

first up my pal ace :3

i mean like fuck dude. what HAVENT i said already about my favorite guy in the multiverse. he is my everything. nobody understands him like i do.

im going to be a bit unorthodox and actually explain in relative detail why i filled in (or partially filled in) what i did

everyone but me is wrong about them <3 - this is simply true. nobody gives this man enough credit, nobody sees him for all of his facets, its like people pick One trait (friendly, loyal, snarky, emotional, etc.) and decide thats Him. like they miss the forest for the trees with phoenix. people just dont get it. other peoples headcanons are also just wrong. some correct phoenix headcanons: he can cook but his luck is so terrible anywhere BUT the courtroom or the hospital that he comes out of any cooking encounter with cuts, bruises, stains, etc. there has never been a single instance where he has not hurt himself making a meal; he is a restless person and frequently suffers from mild insomnia, and also wakes at the crack of dawn and at any mild shift or sound in the room; he knows the lyrics of sweating bullets by megadeath exactly and can sing the entire song at will, and has for a disbelieving apollo

theyre like a blorbo to me - self explanatory.

theyre deeper than they seem/not as deep as they seem - not fully filled in on either because this is tricky. related to the above because i think he is made of a lot of really complex emotions and moving parts BUT he is also just a guy. people love to give him a really tragic backstory, usually with him being shuffled around the foster system (for reasons i dont understand), but its like. his backstory is vague purposefully for protagonist reasons but also i think thematically its important for him to be just any other guy? like, its aspirational that this random dude who happened to make friends with a lawyers son becomes the guy who spearheads fixing the entire legal system. idk man its hard to explain. i am the only one who knows where the balance between "just a guy" and "objectively the most important person in the aa universe" truly is

i like them enough to project my own issues onto them - when i start deciding the character has my traits it is Over. i dont know how to go into detail on this without being more longwinded than im already being (and without embarrassing myself by dumping my issues all over this post) but just trust me that i like him A Lot

they got done DIRTY by the fans - again, no one knows how to treat this man niceys as a CHARACTER. fanon phoenix (and to a greater extent fanon feenie) makes me want to rip and snarl and stab and bite (the only exception with fanon feenie is the feenie in electricity aside, i will not budge on this that that is the only interpretation of college phoenix that is appropriate and feels like phoenix.) people take it TOO far projecting onto him, is my main problem, to the point where they project traits onto him that do not fit his character at all (this is horny territory sorry but. why are there more than 0 fics on ao3 where he calls miles daddy. he would never do that. are we thinking of the same character.)

im mentally ill about them - i have adhd. self explanatory.

wow... they are LITERALLY me - not Quite a fill in because i do not kin phoenix wright, but a sort of fill in because phoenix wright kins me

ryunosuke! my buddy

theyre deeper than they seem - not a full fill in because i Believe this but i am not the authority on ryunosuke. i do not know this man as well as i would like to. i need to have a coffee with him some time and pick his brain

they got done DIRTY by the fans - people who woobify ryunosuke to make kazuma the cool one in their dynamic make me angy. ryunosuke has anxiety but he is not like a tumblr user with anxiety (ie, cannot ask for extra napkins at mcdonalds). also again sorry horny territory, but i have seen TOO many nsfw things with ryunosuke where hes written/drawn like an uke teenager or something. im sorry for the yaoi term but i dont know how else to describe this phenomenon of feminizing and babifying a grown man for the sake of gay shipping. stop it.

i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog - i think hed enjoy the ride, give him a break from everything for a moment so he can just relax

they work better as part of a dynamic - again, partial fill in because i dont really Know if this is objectively true, like if i did have that coffee date with him maybe id change my mind, but i do think he works incredibly well as part of a dynamic. on his own hes perfectly fine but he is infinitely better next to kazuma, susato, iris, or sholmes imo

alright controversy time. beloathed character: clay terran.

dude fuck this lamp

wasted potential - this is almost a pity fill in because like. WHAT potential right. but he could have been MORE than just a stupid prop. we dont even get a proper scene with him. we get a flashback of a still image jpeg and i believe thats the only time he speaks, if he has any lines at all. im not saying EVERY character has to have the same level of character writing as the main characters, but if ur gonna try to convince me to give a shit about them and say theyre an important person to a DIFFERENT character i like, i need reasons

not as deep as they seem - genuinely sorry to the clay terran enjoyers but he is not a character. u are collectively creating an oc and using his face. he is more shallow than a shadow. he isnt even a character

they got done DIRTY by the fans - okay actually on second thought i think the fans got done dirty. the fans lost in this exchange. they were given a lamp and convinced themselves that it was their new husband, when in reality it is just a lamp with a hat

they got too much screen time/i actively dislike them sorry/why was this character in the work at all - perhaps this contradicts my ‘wasted potential’ stamp but like. that stamp was for what i WISH we could have gotten from clay. but what we were actually given is a prop that exists for one case and afaik never brought up again afterward. AND  YET he was supposedly this very important influential figure in apollos life. NO HE WASNT. i keep joking that clay is a lamp, not just because of that parody blog, but because the story is fundamentally unchanged if clay were replaced with any inanimate object. the writers could have said ANYTHING had sentimental value to apollo and it wouldve been the exact same, and if u disagree with me ur deluded sorry

[syndianites]

A Queen Serve and Protects

Chapter Six

First Chapter –> Last Chapter –> Current –> Next Chapter TBA! Summary:

Post-Style Queen, Pre-Queen Wasp.

Chloe finds the Bee Miraculous, but instead of finding an obliging, subservient Kwami, she finds the Kwami of Order and Subjugation, and Pollen is not about to let herself be used like Nooroo was.

Granted, the only danger in a teenage girl is the damage she poses to herself. Can Pollen shape Chloe into a hero? Or will she stubbornly refuse to change and remain the bitter, harsh person the city has long since known?

[My take on how Chloe’s character could have developed] ——————————————————————————————

Pollen tapped the tablet pen on the table. School had ended and the duo was officially home.

“Chloe,” Pollen began. “It has come to my attention that you don’t do your own work.”

“So?” Chloe nonchalantly replied, crossing one leg over the other from where she sat on the chaise in front of Pollen.

Pollen tried not to roll her eyes. “So, I want you to learn how to be self-sufficient.”

Chloe scoffed. “I am plenty self-sufficient.”

“Really?” Pollen had a sweet smile on her face. “Then prove it.”

:readmore:

Before Chloe could make any remark, Polle flew over to her school bag. It looked more like a purse, honestly, with how much makeup and accessories she had stashed away inside. Seriously, what did you need an extra pair of heels for?

Pollen shook off the thought and grabbed the binder Chloe used for class, as well as her homework folder. Brining both items back to the table, she flipped the folder open. She pulled out the first sheet of homework she saw- something math related- and waved a paw at it.

Chloe gave her a dumbfounded look. “You want me to do that? Sabrina normally does.”

Pollen raised an eyebrow.

“Ugh, fine, I get it.” Chloe grumbled. “What does doing my own work have to do with being self-sufficient anyway?”

“When was the last time you did your own school work.”

“Ughhhh!”

Letting out a little giggle, Pollen decided to make a compromise, “For every question you get correct, I’ll let you ask a question about the Bee miraculous and its powers. However!” Pollen held a paw up before Chloe could get too excited, “For each you get wrong, you have to listen to some history and background on the miraculous.”

“Ooo-kay? How is that a loss for me? I still get to know what I want to know,” Chloe replied.

If only the poor girl knew.

Pollen beamed. “I’m glad you asked! You know how much you love our ‘Bee Nice’ Sessions?”

Chloe groaned.

“Anything I tell you will come along with lessons. I will tell you tales that are important for a number of reasons. And you have to sit through all of them!”

Chloe’s eye twitched. That sounded excruciating. Buuuut, she did want to know more about what powers the Bee miraculous could give her. It was just a simple math worksheet. Surely, it couldn’t be that hard. So Chloe took out a blank sheet of paper and began working.

She was wrong. So, so wrong. Chloe was by no means a bad student. She got solid B’s and pleased her daddy enough with her grades to get by. Did she need to have a study session with Sabrina before each test or quiz to get the contents down? Yes.

But that was all pish-posh. She figured if she could pick up enough for a test or quiz a day before it, she could do homework with no problem. Apparently, she hadn’t been giving Sabrina enough credit. That girl made it so much easier than this.

It didn’t help that her notes were a total disaster. Half-finished sentences, unclear instructions, and a clear lack of interest in each page. For a moment Chloe cursed her own apathy. She wanted to know more, damnit! 

By the time she finished she felt exhausted. Pollen, ever chipper, hummed as she looked through each question. She procured a pen and started making marks. That was a lot of red. Oh GOD, there was so much red.

Pollen tapped the pen to her chin in thought. Giving a nod, she wrote a score at the top of her sheet.

6/15. 

That was just under half! And that meant she would have failed had it been a test. Chloe resisted the urge to hit her head on the table. She could not afford to be forced into tutoring. Again.

Despite Chloe’s despair, Pollen was excited. This was better than she was expecting! Sure, she had been hoping for closer to a 75% or 80%, but Chloe at least had the idea down.

Plus this meant she could drill some more lessons into her charge.

Rubbing her paws together, she addressed Chloe. “Alright. Since it is almost an even split, let’s go back and forth with questions and history. I’ll start with a history lesson first, since you missed more than you got correct. But since I’m feeling nice, I’ll give you a choice here: Would you rather hear some history about my previous holders first, or about all the miraculous as a whole?”

“Your past wielders, of course! I need to know who would be so lucky to use the same miraculous as moi.” Chloe flipped her hair back to accentuate her point.

Pollen huffed. Nonetheless, she thought back to her past holders, humming all the while. Who would be the best to start with to help Chloe learn? 

She smiled as someone came to mind. “Now, before we start, I should say that we aren’t always deployed to battle some great evil. Sometimes, we are let out into the world to help inspire something. For me, I either inspire Order and Control. Or, when that gets to be too much, I inspire freedom from Order and Control.”

“Wait,” Chloe interrupted. “Why would you go against your whole Order thing?”

“I thought you wanted to talk about past wielders first,” Pollen brought a paw up to her lips to hide a smile. “To get into that would mean I would have to talk about all the miraculous.”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. Tell me the basics about all the miraculous first. But! You better tell me about your past users after!” Chloe conceded, pouting at the little god.

Pollen started again. “Like I said, we don’t always need a great evil to fight. At their core, each miraculous is meant to balance out their respective aspects. Tikki- Ladybug’s kwami- is the kwami of Light and Creation, for example. She is largely put out into the world to inspire new ideas and innovation.”

Chloe scrunched her nose in confusion. “Didn’t you say you also get put out to stop Order and Control? Why would you ever want to stop Light and Creation?”

“Well,” Pollen looked off to the side. “You can’t endlessly create. Tikki works on a more individual scale. She inspires Light and Creation in people as individuals. I, however, inspire Order and Subj- Control in a much larger scheme. After all, a bee’s focus is on the hive, isn’t it?”

“In any case, sometimes people burn themselves out when creating too much or spreading too much light. If you give and give and give, what is left for you? Nothing. And those left with nothing often crumble and fall apart- or worse. Tikki, when she is needed to, can either help her holder ease off themselves or help their holder teach others to let go of such demanding responsibility.”

Chloe nodded slowly. That… sort of made sense. “So it’s like when Adr- a friend of mine kept being happy and smiling even after his mother died to help others stop being sad. Because he wanted others to feel ‘lighter’” She made finger quotes, “Despite the tragedy that happened?”

“Yes, that could be a good example,” Pollen agreed. “If your friend gave away all his light and such to others, it could burn him out and leave him feeling empty and cold. Though, in this case I would lean more into the Peacock- he worked to give good emotion to others to cover their grief. But we’ll get there in a moment.”

“Plagg, Chat Noir’s kwami, is Tikki’s counterpart. He is the kwami of Dark and Destruction.” Pollen stopped as Chloe seemed to ponder that.

“If he is all about dark and destruction, wouldn’t that make him more likely to be evil?” Chloe mused.

Pollen, for her part, wasn’t bothered by the question. “If I am all about order and control, wouldn’t I be more likely to use and abuse people?”

Chloe bit her lip, but shook her head no.

“Exactly. Just because that is what we represent it does not mean we are prone to be good or evil. In the balance of all things, there IS no good and evil. Really, it just comes down to what a certain group likes or dislikes, or how a person’s morals are aligned.”

“Okay, no, Hawkmoth is totally evil. There is no doubt about that. How could taking control of others and using their emotions to turn them into monsters be seen as a good thing?” Chloe didn’t like the idea of Hawkmoth being in the ‘right’ at all. It went against everything he had done to Paris.

“Well,” Polled offered, “Does Hawkmoth see himself as evil?”

Chloe sat back in her seat. If movies were anything to go by, he probably didn’t. She sighed and motioned Pollen to continue

Pollen pushed on. “In any case, Plagg is often put into the world to ruin things. Surprising, isn’t it? But sometimes the best things are made in the ashes of destruction. Growing from losing things is important for many people. Like how your friend lost his mom- he likely felt sad and lost. But if he grew from that? He could learn to see that others will have his back and he can lean on them. Even in the hard times.”

Chloe looked away from Pollen. She was right, sort of. When Adrien’s mom died, Chloe had been there trying her best to cheer him up. Did it really work? No. But she helped him escape the house and run around the city with her, and watch stupid cartoons and shows, and sometimes, just sometimes, get him to smile.

“But losing your mom isn’t a good thing!” Chloe snapped back. “That devastated my friend and his family.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I painted it as such. Loss is a horrible thing to endure. But I wanted to make a connection to something you mentioned.” Pollen bowed her head. “Destruction is rarely a happy thing. But, a more positive example would be something more metaphorical- the destruction of insecurities, or breaking a bad relationship, or- or bashing down a wall so you can open up a room to have more space!”

Sighing, Pollen shook her head. “It is far too easy to see Dark and Destruction as a bad thing. Darkness can be used to hide when you don’t feel safe. Or it can be used to tone down how bright something is when you feel blinded. It can also be used as a complement and give things more depth.”

“Of course, Plagg has also been put out to tame destruction. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘fighting fire with fire’? It’s the idea that you fight destruction with destruction. But he can also help people see their bad habits, or the things that hurt them, and get them to reign them in and stop themselves before it’s too late.”

“Okay, sure, that makes sense. But didn’t you just describe Tikki and Plagg as opposites anyway? Light and Dark, Creation and Destruction? Why do they need to get people to go against their aspect when the other IS the opposite?” Chloe butt in.

Pollen brightened. “That’s technically later in this lesson, but I can touch on it now. You’ve likely noticed that Ladybug and Chat Noir came together as a pair, correct?” At Chloe’s nod, she continued. “That is because they are like Yin and Yang- opposites that complete each other. While other kwamis do have opposites, none quite work the same as Tikki and Plagg. They were once a single being- one that was the kwami of Balance.”

“Well,” Pollen rubbed her cheek, “They weren’t a kwami, per se. But that is too much to explain for right now. You recall how Hawkmoth’s goal is to get the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous?”

“Of course, that’s all he ever talks about when he akumatizes someone!”

“Well, that’s because when you combine the two into one you can have any wish granted.”

“What!” Chloe slammed her hands down on the coffee table, startling Pollen. “That’s horrible! I mean, the power is cool, but if Hawkmoth got his grubby hands on that wish who knows what he would wish for!” 

“Exactly! But there’s a catch with that- whatever you wish for will have an equal and opposite consequence. If you wished for someone to come back to life? Someone else must die. If you want to have all the power in the world? Everyone else must become powerless. These may sound simple, but the gravity is just as dire as the wish would be grand.”

Chloe fell back. “So, if I- well, if I wished for my mom to love me..?”

“It depends,” Pollen shrugged. “Maybe everyone else around you would hate you. Maybe your father would stop loving you. Or, in a more subtle fashion, she wouldn’t love the real you, just a facsimile of you. Whoever she thinks you are. Sure, there are ways to make a wish that has a mostly positive outcome- for the one making the wish- but the consequence will always hurt someone. Even if it has to be a lot of someones.”

The two fell into silence after that declaration. It was a heavy thought. What could drive someone to want to change something so badly they would be willing to suffer or let others suffer for it? How cold hearted must you be? 

The whole thing baffled Chloe. She could just ring her father and have what she wanted with no consequence. Could she imagine doing something so drastic as to ruin someone’s life to make hers better?

Instead of voicing any of this, Chloe leaned forward. “So tell me about the other miraculous…”

[askfallenroyalty]

I don't think you did anything wrong. When a story is being written, there are a lot of different ways to adress and express something and maybe that's why you're being misunderstood. I think there are just too many things to adress in this story that maybe some people will get when these things are implicitly implied and some people will not. So when a breaking point comes, they'd think it came out of nowhere. You can see this with the amount of asks you receive asking you often the same thing.

Does that mean it's wrong? Ofc not! I myself was a little bit confused with Frisk's reactions and conduct in general until you explained it in your recent asks, and I thought man, that was what I was missing!

Now, yes I believe some parts of the story could have been explained in a different way, because in my opinion there's a lot to read between the lines. If you don't try to understand the characters, you'll clearly be confused as hell. But that's why I love this story! As you said before, there's nothing meant to be black/white coded, and I really appreciate the world and the character's complexity in general. You don't have some of the answers in hand, an that's when you have to analize! (At least that's what I do haha)

I also really felt like telling you something I've been relating to, so I'm putting the respectives tw if someone doesn't want to keep reading (TW: Suicide mention).

In the DW Arc, when the Christmas and Feylow stuff happened, I realised through Chara that I was doing the exact same thing with a friend of mine. He was going through a lot of stuff, and tried to commit suicide multiple times. I was focusing a huge amount of energy on him because I was afraid to lose him, and when he suddenly stopped talking to me so he could take a break, I felt really lost. Because he was the person I talked with the most, one of my dearest friends, and the idea of losing him and not being there to stop it made me insanely anxious, because that used to be the situation most of the times. Now it's been a year since he's stopped talking to me, and I don't exactly know the reason. But I couldn't keep running behind someone who didn't seem to keep wanting me around. And if it wasn't for you, I couldn't have realized how much this was hurting me.

And now, as much as it hurts me to see him acting this distant and cold with me, I'm okay with it. I really am. Because I now have the tranquility to see him continue, even when things are not okay. I can't force a friendship and I really needed to understand that back then. I trust him as much as he trusts me.

I really wanted to thank you for writing this story because it has helped me in a way I didn't expect, and I'm sure it will help a lot of people too! I'm even learning from your way of taking and discussing things haha.

I just wanted you to have this tranquility I have with this story because I trust it'll work out and explain itself once it's finished. And I just can't express how thankful I am to be reading your story.

Thank you again,

I'm looking forward to more of your work and please, take care! Don't stop doing what you enjoy! 🦋

putting it under a readmore because of how long the ask/response is, sorry!

i’m at a loss of words because wow, this ask really hit in a way i’ve never really could of anticipated. when writing AFR, i write a story about things I felt. I’ve been Chara, I’ve been Asriel and Frisk at points in my life. I write because I need to tell their stories and make it real, specifically for my own sake of getting through my own pain and to tell the world this is who i am and that I will be ok, there is hope in this world. It’s a selfish desire for me, but ultimately that’s what art is i feel. I couldn’t draw this much and put so much time and effort into something without it being meaningful or personal.

but art is communication, and when I write to be seen and to be heard, I know there’s others who are reading and are connecting with the work. (otherwise, I wouldn’t be getting asks right? its a lonely process, i forget there’s the second half of the equation -you guys) and i’ll do my best to make sure people are accommodated and can experience this story without hurting in a way that’s past enjoying a emotionally gripping piece of media. i don’t want people to be upset or hurt for my work, and I want to ensure I can make this without hurting others.

I try to leave a lot of ambiguity and room for people to interpret stories and I don’t mind people missing the point or interpreting things vastly differently than what I intended. that’s fine, that’s what art is all about. i don’t want to hold people’s hands and tell them what’s happening or what they should feel -i want them to choose and decipher and think things over. stories should be stimulating and thought provoking, and i can’t decide what those thoughts are. I wouldn’t want to. Personally, if it means people become more confused and lost over the story -well, that’s a trade off I have to take. if it means the story is more up-to-interpretation, than it’s worth it to me.

i do regret with how fast and punchy the arc ended up, and I feel my hints may have been too weak. asriel/flowey has been bluntly surprised/asking to be killed twice, he hasn’t felt like himself since dying and has lost his support systems ect. as a person who’s Been Through Shit, I thought it was as obvious as the sun what was to come but thinking on it now?

with how distance asriel is, how limited the perspective is to chara (who hasn’t known Asriel has been going thru the same depressive/suicidal thoughts as they have this whole time) it was a shock to the system. and in a way that’s fine in my eyes if the reader was completely shocked as you can emphasize more with chara that way... but in the same sense its horrifying for them, it must be for the reader as well.

and I do feel I should of thought of a way to handle the scenario to where it was less in your-face with Asriel’s decent into desperation and attempts. I don’t want to ever show it on screen, I don’t want to ever go into detail and make it any sort of fun for the viewer. it’s supposed to be disturbing and painful and I tried to show how greatly painful it was affecting both chara and frisk. Suicide victims are victims and everyone involved suffer from it. It’s ugly and never something one should be anything but ugly.

that is my intent for it be that, but as I’ve heard from people it’s still a shock and went too far. Authorial intent doesn’t matter when people react to your stories. yes, the context can be good to have, but people’s feelings and reactions mean the world more. I hope with the added context of the complete story that helps it in the long run, but as it is I’m very unhappy with how I tackled it and I don’t really have a good answer to how I should of gone about it. but at the end of the day that doesn’t matter as it happened and I can’t change it.

i’m sorry about your friend and i’m sorry for the pain you’ve experienced as well. it’s not easy being in that position (nor is it for ur friend as well of course) and it’s perfectly fine to feel hurt and to take time for yourself to address those feelings. You, as a person, matter and your feelings are justifiably important as well. nobody asks to be mentally ill and your friend’s choices aren’t fully theirs because of that, but it doesn’t change how it’s affected and hurt you. Losing someone’s friendship has always been a painful and inevitable experience people must go thru in life. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that, but I’m glad -so happy that my story has helped you in any amount. I sincerely wish you both the best and to heal, I’m proud of you anon for getting through this.

I can’t really express how much it means as a writer to see how my work helped you. Like I mentioned before, I write and feel like it’s by myself that makes this work but it’s a 2 way street -you guys contribute to the story and the story only exists and is perceived by you. without an audience, it really truly is just me here. what you gain and experience within a story is just as important as the writing of the work itself and I often forget that.

Thank you. This was a really nice and eye opening ask and it’s going to be on my mind for a while, haha. I hope once the story is done and I can post-correct how I handle the story, people can learn and gain meaning to it like you have. Sorry if this was a bit rambly, I’m very thankful for your response (as well as everyone else who’s messaged!) and I’m very happy and excited to continue and to do my best. Thank you all so much.

[kachinnate]

,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie. 

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say. 

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3 

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao 

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point 

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about. 

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick. 

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there’s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down 

[angeltrapz]

i would love lawrence tending to adams wounds post trap!! lawrence being emotionally distraught and adam helping him out and adam being physically hurt and lawrence helping him,,, mutual care relationship. also one of my big hcs is that adam has a really difficult time with silence after escaping so he always needs to be around people or have headphones in, that’d be nice to incorporate in a hurt/comfort way. also!! hope you feel better :•0

gnna put this one under th cut 'cause it's not rlly long enough to be posted on its own to my ao3 but too long to not have a readmore lol. only warnings are like, brief mentions of th bathroom trap + basic (and nondescript) wound care tbh, otherwise it's just them being there for each other, you know me <3

They've worked out a system.

Lawrence won't let Adam anywhere near his stump (not because he doesn't trust him, but because he's simply still working on adjusting and processing his own feelings on the matter), but sometimes he'll let Adam hold him for a little while when everything becomes too much. Adam isn't even remotely ready to talk about the hell they've been through and the hazy, fever-ridden isolation that was his week spent in the bathroom, but he has a hard time cleaning his wound like he's supposed to, so he lets Lawrence mother hen him a bit (a lot) when it comes to wound care.

It works for them.

Sometimes that looks like the two of them holed up in the comfort of what has effectively become their bedroom, lights on and curtains drawn to combat the darkness of the night beyond, door wide open just in case. Adam is usually situated in Lawrence's lap, said man's arms wrapped tight around his middle and his head resting heavily against the photographer's uninjured shoulder.

Often he is shaking so hard that Adam is amazed his teeth aren't rattling with the force of it, but such thoughts are pushed aside in favour of gently carding through the doctor's soft hair and talking about anything and everything since neither of them care much for silence anymore. Sometimes (most times) Lawrence will mutter broken apologies into Adam's skin as he trembles and quietly cries, wheezing utterances of "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't know how you can stand being around me, I am so sorry Adam," and goddamn it if it doesn't break Adam's heart.

All he can do is hold him close and tell him it's okay and that he's here, they're both safe, they'll get through this.

Sometimes that looks like Lawrence bringing Adam his prescribed painkillers and antibiotics because he knows the photographer has trouble keeping track of time and how much of it has passed, taking with him a glass of water to make the unpleasant necessity of swallowing the pills a bit easier - he always brings a bendy straw on Adam's more intense pain days.

When Adam is lying sprawled out in bed because he's sore as hell and feels like shit, Lawrence lies down beside him with whatever novel he's into lately and passes him one of their softer pillows to help him keep his right arm propped up and elevated above his heart as the doctors had instructed.

Sometimes that looks like Lawrence performing the delicate act of cleaning and caring for Adam's healing gunshot wound, removing the dressing as carefully as he can and wincing in sympathy with every sharp hiss of an inhale Adam pulls through his teeth, offering soft encouragements such as "I'm sorry, I know it hurts, you're doing great."

The doctor always washes his hands after removing the old dressing before he actually cleans the wound, and again after cleaning it and applying the new dressing. He's as gentle as he can be, and he always kisses Adam's left shoulder in approximately the same spot where the injury had been sustained on the right, since he can't very well kiss the healing wound. It always has the photographer tearing up.

And sometimes, what that looks like is just the two of them curled into each other, sharing space and heat and breath, lying together with open hearts and the extension of understanding between them that not one other person on earth could ever comprehend.

It's not as heavy when they're touching, the realization that they're in for a long and difficult road to recovery not as daunting when Adam has his face pressed into the crook of Lawrence's neck and Lawrence has an arm curled around Adam's waist. It's easier when they're together, able to feel each other's heartbeat and the steady rise and fall of each other's chests with their breaths; indisputable proof that they made it.

They've already survived the worst of it - they can handle whatever comes next so long as they have each other.

They've worked out a system that works for them. There's bound to be changes to it as they recover and heal further, and maybe it will become more difficult in places, but Adam and Lawrence have each other.

And that is enough.

[hoshiyoshis]

hey babe just popping in to say ur right seeing chan say that is really concerning not just (especially) for him but for his fans as well. you do not need to diet. You are a beautiful person who deserves to eat. You deserve to eat when youre hungry and when you arent happy with urself and when its a meal time and you deserve a little treat when u feel like it. I love chan but i definitely feel like it can be harmful to talk about dieting in such a way and especially when he has so many people looking to him for inspiration and comfort. I hope hes okay but i also hope you are okay. I know how hard it can be and im so proud of you and i hope you have a nice warm meal that fills you up just right and all you have to think about is the warmth in ur belly and in ur heart. 🥰🥰🥰🤦‍♀️💖❤💜💙

this is really sweet and really means a lot, anon, i hope you know that. it's... very easy for me to get hit with self-loathing about my body, especially when i see other people say those sort of things (as u can tell from this whole thing about chan), or after a doctor's appointment where my health is perfectly fine but seeing certain numbers or words fuck with me despite the fact i'm healthy.

i'm gonna put some more thoughts under a readmore just because i tend to ramble a lot and i don't wanna put a long-ish post on anyone's dash but i have more thoughts here (but if you don't wanna read those, thank you again for your kind words <3 self love is a very long and hard journey and i have in the past and will continue to struggle with in the future. it's just a journey i gotta keep working on, and maybe one day i'll at least be able to appreciate my body for keeping me alive even if i'm not happy with it yet)

[warning for like... talks of potential eating disorders/disordered eating and fatphobia, ig? just tread with caution if any of this bothers u im sorry :( ]

like... i feel like there's always going to be a certain line you have to be careful of when you talk about dieting, btw. i don't think chan meant anything bad by what he said (he's a very genuine person from what i've seen, and there's a reason he has such a comforting presence for a lot of people, me included) and i genuinely hope that he never like... feels bad about that if he ever happens to see how it can impact people? like you said, a lot of people look to him for inspiration and comfort, and i feel safe in saying at least some of those people are going to be people under eighteen. i'm not saying it's impossible to happen to anyone under twenty or even twenty-five, but i think the weird, hard part of being a teenager can make those feelings a lot worse--or even anyone in his audience who has dealt with things like EDs or disordered eating on its own. it can be a very slippery-slope right back into those habits, especially hearing them said by someone you look to for motivation/comfort/etc.

which isn't to say i blame chan at all! from what it sounds like, this is definitely something that was pushed onto him? like, idk, i don't know so this is all speculation, but he did say that both his members (which, btw, not a huge surprise just because of how rampant fatphobia is in this industry: i don't really blame them for having that mindset tbh) and the staff sorta kept pointing out him gaining weight.

which btw... where? chan you gotta show me where baby because i cannot fucking see it at all but that's beside the point. you don't have to visibly have gained weight to feel like you've done it.

i just hate the way he said that he needs to do this 'properly' so much. like this isn't proper. eating a single meal a day and barely anything else isn't proper, and i feel like we can probably guess he'd be working out alongside this alongside the work he's already doing.

idk man i just wanna give him a kiss on the forehead and tell him that it's okay if he wants to lose weight but he should do it for himself and he should do it properly. like i've been there. it sucks. you feel like shit and i can't imagine being busy with everything he's busy with and also not eating enough. like idk im not a bee-tee-ess stan but i've read about the shit that j*min went through considering he passed out during rehearsals from barely eating (and, god, it does make me feel better to see a lot of people citing where he's not doing that anymore: i'm not a stan, but he seems like a sweetheart and i wish the best for him + his group). like, not to focus purely on chan again, but it does make me worry about him more.

how far can it go? how far will it go? i don't want to find out. i just want him and the rest of skz to stay healthy and happy, and something like this is going to stop chan (and felix, from what i've read--he also went on a strict diet at one point...? i'd have to look into it more) from being either.

[koyacyi-vode]

For the prompt meme, maybe #4 with Wolffe and Plo? Or #49 with Fox and Rex?

[On Ao3]

I bet you thought I forgot about this. || Prompt from this post from forever ago

Prompt 4 - “We’re designed to be disposable.”

Characters: Wolffe and Plo

The rest under a readmore!

>CT-4113. KIA. 13:10:17. Abregado System. Enter.

>CT-6719. KIA. 13:10:17. Abregado System. Enter. 

CT Number. Date of death. Enter.

Wolffe typed designations and numbers into his datapad, trying not to visualize the faces that accompanied them. The task was as monotonous as it was painful. But Wolffe tried not to think about that. He had to keep going, keep serving, keep on task.

The words on the holoscreen were starting to blur. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting at his desk typing number after number. It was a task that had to be done, logging the dead. He'd just never had to do it for so many at once. He'd started to feel completely numb from it.

>CT-0159. KIA. 13:10:17. Abregado System. Enter.

CT Number. Date of death. Enter. 

Wolffe heard the distant hiss of the door to his quarters, but he didn't look up, his gaze transfixed on the seemingly endless stream of numbers in front of him. From the nearly silent entrance he knew it was General Koon. He really should stand at attention to greet him. It was disrespectful to ignore him. He didn't look up. 

"Commander?" the familiar soft and muffled cadence of his General's voice made Wolffe's fingers stutter on the holokeys. He picked back up a moment later. 

CT Number. Date of death. Enter. 

"Commander, you're working in the dark," Plo pointed out gently, and Wolffe heard the soft swish of the General's robes as they swept across the floor. Wolffe chose not to respond. He didn't know what to say. "Would you like me to turn on your light?" the General asked. Wolffe swallowed roughly, glancing quickly up to Plo before back to the holoscreen, continuing his typing where he left off.

"No. Thank you, General," he said, his voice hoarse and scratchy from disuse. He'd meant it as a subtle dismissal, but he wasn't surprised when Plo made no move to leave. 

"You'll hurt your eyes staring at a holoscreen in the dark, Wolffe," and there was a thin thread of admonishment in Plo's tone. 

"I'm fine, Sir," Wolffe assured, even though he was undermined by the raspy edge to his voice. "I need to-" Wolffe swallowed with difficulty, his throat dry, "uh, I need to finish this report in order to send our troop replacement requisitions," he explained.

CT Number. Date of death. Enter.

The General was quiet for several seconds, but Wolffe heard a barely-there shuffling as he walked across the room. When the General remained silent for longer than Wolffe expected, he finally ripped his gaze from his holoscreen and froze. 

Plo was standing in front of Wolffe's armor storage, turned slightly away from him with one hand pressed gently to the side of Wolffe's empty helmet. Wolffe had received his replacement armor in the last shipment to the Resolute, which was where the remainder of the 104th was stationed until their replacement cruiser arrived. It had felt a bit like a hard punch to the face to see his mended armor, shiny and new and perfect. He hadn't been able to put it on yet. Each time he'd tried, his chest had constricted to the point where he couldn't breathe. The last time he attempted it, he'd ended up stripping his kit off in such a rush that he'd hurled his vambrace across the room. He'd left it in storage ever since. Plo ran a careful finger down the deep maroon markings that Wolffe had once worn with pride and then lowered his head. 

"I'm sorry," Plo said, an audible strain in his quiet voice. "I have failed all of you as a General. You put your trust in my leadership, but I led us directly into a trap I could not forsee. I brought forth this destruction, and you and your brothers paid the price. It is an irreplaceable loss. It is not a mistake I will make again," he said with a surprisingly hard edge to his voice that Wolffe hadn't heard before. Plo's hand dropped from Wolffe's helmet and joined his other under the sleeves of his robe, his head bowing forward slowly in a gesture Wolffe recognized from their few months working together as the Kel Dor's acknowledgment of grief.

Wolffe had been surprised the first time the General had mourned for one of his fallen brothers. It was something his training had not prepared him for. He placed the lives of clones over the completion of a mission, something Wolffe had learned after failing to capture the Nexus during the siege of Hisseen. It was a quality that perhaps didn't make Plo Koon the most effective General from a tactical standpoint, but was what had earned him Wolffe's deepest respect nonetheless. Wolffe was also well-aware that his General's compassion was a considerable weakness in the tragedy of war. Because loss wasn't something they could avoid. 

"We are designed to be disposable, General. We are cogs in a machine, and like parts, we can be replaced," he said, even though he knew that Plo had heard this sentiment before. It was a saying they were taught from their youngest days of training. As clones, they were part of a much larger whole. The individual was not worth more than their collective duty.

"You are people," Plo insisted, just like Wolffe expected he would. It made a rueful smile twitch at the corner of Wolffe's mouth. Plo turned to him a bit more fully and it was hard to tell his expression in the dark, the blue glow from Wolffe's holoscreen casting a ghostly silhouette on the General. "You are not broken machinery to be cast aside and forgotten. We can replace the numbers of our troops, but we cannot replace the individuals we have lost. Do you really believe what you just said, Commander?" 

The question being turned on him made Wolffe stiffen in surprise. He'd never been asked that before and so openly. Plo must have known from how he had said the phrase that it was something Wolffe just repeated, but didn't truly believe. He's not sure he ever really believed it. It was one of the few teachings the kaminiise attempted to instill that they never could get to stick. The bonds between vode made it impossible to treat each other with the same coldness their creators regarded them with. They would parrot the phrase when needed, but few clones truly felt that their vode were disposable. Fox, in a private conversation far away from prying ears, had even called it 'a manipulation tactic to make the nat-borns feel better about us dying in droves'.

But it was one thing to harbor such feelings in private or among brothers, it was another to deliberately renounce one of the core factors of their designed purpose to others, particularly a superior officer. So Wolffe stayed quiet. Plo waited patiently for him to respond, and when it was clear he wasn't going to the Kel Dor sighed. 

"I understand your hesitation in voicing such an opinion. And I apologize for asking that of you," he said with a small bow of his head. "If you could Commander, I would like for you to get some rest. Please forward me the report you are working on and I will finish it for you," he gestured vaguely to Wolffe's forgotten holoscreen. General Koon made it to the doorway before Wolffe finally broke his silence.

"I can't put on my armor," he burst, voice cracking. "I can't even look at it without seeing them. I've input over two-hundred numbers into this casualty report. Two-hundred brothers who had names. I can't- I've never-" Wolffe pulled in a ragged breath, clutching at the sides of his head. He flinched when he sensed the General's presence at his side. Plo telegraphed his movements so Wolffe was aware of precisely where he was, and laid a single clawed hand on Wolffe's shoulder, squeezing lightly. Wolffe choked back a quiet sob, biting heavily into his lip until he tasted blood, his eyes screwed shut. Plo knelt so he was closer to Wolffe's eye-level.

"Your burden is heavy, Commander. Heavier than most and weighed by your strong sense of duty," Plo said gently. 

"I've never felt so useless, Sir," Wolffe whispered, voice brittle and broken. "I keep thinking, if I had been better prepared, or if I’d had my armor and could have helped I-" he cut himself off with a wet sob.

"You did the best you could, Commander, and the men you saved are alive thanks to your efforts in that pod with keeping our signal alive," Plo reasoned, his brow furrowed together with honest sincerity. Wolffe struggled to steady his breathing, taking several shallow breaths before finally managing a full inhale. His chest burned and his cheeks were wet and Plo was looking at him without an ounce of judgement. Wolffe looked up at the ceiling, tilting his head back.

"I don't want them to be forgotten, Sir. They're the 104th. They can't just... disappear. They can't be erased like that," he pleaded weakly. 

"As they live on in our hearts and the Force, they deserve to be honored; I agree Commander," Plo stood in a slow, fluid motion and made his way back to Wolffe's armor storage. Wolffe watched as he quietly took a vambrace from its resting place and brought it back to Wolffe's desk and offered it to him. "What do you see here, Commander?" Plo asked in that vaguely leading way that Jedi do when they're teaching some important philosophical lesson. Wolffe hesitated before taking the vambrace carefully from Plo's hands, turning it around in his own as he examined the painted markings. 

"My vambrace, Sir?" Wolffe asked, not entirely sure where the Jedi was heading with this. 

"You told me your armor reminds you of our battalion, tell me why," Plo encouraged, unhurried. Wolffe swallowed painfully, his fingers brushing over the fresh, unscuffed paint. Just looking at it made something painful spasm in his chest.  

"It's our colors, Sir," he answered, voice far away. 

"Your colors are as much a part of your battalion as the men are. Perhaps then, this shade can honor their memory. They were the 104th who wore red, it is theirs," Plo suggested, because he was compassionate and cared. He knew how much their armor and their colors meant to clones. Their colors represented their aliit, their family, their closest brothers. They wore their colors with pride and honor. Painting their armor meant being woven into a clan and protecting one another. His clan, his brothers, his 104th was gone. Their colors would remain with them. Wolffe's fingers tightened around his vambrace as his voice caught in his throat. He spent several seconds just trying to get words past the lump in his throat, his hands trembling.

"Tha-thank you, Sir," he stammered out, his voice shaky and uncontrolled. But Plo had always encouraged the expression of emotion, and to not feel shame for the feelings that flowed through them. Wolffe had still always kept a tight lock on his own emotion around the men, because he had to stay strong as their Commander. But he was the lowest-ranking officer in the room at the moment. So he didn't hold back the grateful tears that fell from his eyes or the sobs that cracked from his throat. And Plo kept a steady, gentle hand on Wolffe's back as he cried through his grief. 

---

Wolffe woke the next morning feeling like his eyes were glued together. He groaned and sat up rubbing at the uncomfortably tight feeling on his face. He didn't remember going to sleep the night before, or finishing his report. Belatedly he realized he must have passed out from exhaustion and the General must have carried him to his cot. 

Fox must never know.

He scrubbed once more at his face before getting up. It was a bit later than he normally woke up, but he still had some time before the refectory started serving breakfast.

He stepped into the 'fresher, glancing in the mirror and scowling at how red his eyes were. He supposed that was expected, but he wouldn't be caught dead looking like this to his men or the men of the 501st. He pivoted in the small refresher and turned the water to his shower to just-under scalding. He washed the remaining tear tracks off of his face and let the water try and loosen some of the overly-tight muscles in his shoulders and back. He let his mind go blank and empty, deciding not to examine anything that happened the night before just yet. He stayed only a minute longer than his regular routine, then got dressed in fresh officer's greys. He opted out of shaving the now more prominent stubble on his face, but he was technically on leave, so it didn't really matter. 

He checked his chronometer and decided he had about two hours until he would be considered 'late' for breakfast, and sat down to finish the Abregado casualty report, or at least get further with it. He tapped in his passcode and the report popped immediately on screen. Except, it was finished. Wolffe double and triple checked and scrolled through the hundreds of designations multiple times before coming to the bottom of the report again to see his name along with the General's scrawled signature. A warm rush of gratefulness spread through his limbs and Wolffe had to fight to keep his composure.

Wolffe sprung up from his chair, grabbing his holster (habit) and practically ran from his quarters to search for the General. It was still early in the rotation, so there were just a few lone troopers and the stray group or two, each giving him a rushed salute as he barreled past. 

He finally tracked the Jedi down in the barracks, sitting on one of the cots with Boost and Sinker squished together across from him. Whatever he was saying, they were completely focused on him and didn't look up until Plo himself turned to acknowledge Wolffe's arrival. 

"Good morning Commander," be greeted serenely. 

"You finished my report, Sir," Wolffe said, wincing when it sounded a bit like an accusation. "You didn't have to do that," he added to soften it. Plo nodded his head solemnly. 

"I wanted you to get some rest, Commander. You needed it," he said, his hands curled in on each other, relaxed. 

"Yeah you look terrible, Commander," Boost grinned, but Wolffe let him have it since that was how the kid coped. 

"I think we should do it, Sir," Sinker said, looking at Wolffe with steely, sad eyes. "If there's any way we can honor them, it's that," he smiled tightly and couldn't hold eye contact. Wolffe looked at Plo, realizing that he had gone to ask them their permission to change their colors, because he respected their opinions. 

"I agree, Sir," Boost added, the humor gone from his voice. "It doesn't feel right, wearing their colors," he looked to Sinker and grimaced and Sinker nodded, gripping his vod firmly on the shoulder. 

"You got a color in mind, Wolffe?" Sinker asked, looking back at him. He was giving Wolffe the choice. Wolffe thought for a moment and then cleared his throat, not trusting his voice not to crack again.

"I think grey," he said carefully. Because every clone knew what grey armor meant. They'd gleaned their roots from Mandalorian culture, and color could speak for itself. Grey was for mourning. Because by acknowledging their loss and their grief, Wolffe and the little remainder of the 104th was saying 'we are not disposable and we will not forget'. Grey was their mourning, but also their defiance. 

Plo nodded approvingly at him. Wolffe didn't know if the Jedi knew about the color meanings they were utilizing, but he must have felt the gnawing, determined conviction rise in Wolffe's chest at the declaration. The General scooted over to the side of the cot, gesturing for Wolffe to sit down. Wolffe nodded gratefully and sat next to him. 

Sinker grinned fiercely, tears in the corners of his eyes as he grasped Wolffe's hand in a tight grip. Wolffe reached out and held Boost's hand as the trooper tried to keep his composure. They sat in their isolated circle, holding each other together. 

"Grey it is, then" Sinker said, eyes bright. 

"Grey it is," Wolffe agreed.

[transformers-valiant-keepers]

I put so much investment into Roxie and Dadlock lately (I’m sorry) and it's all I ever think about them bc who doesn't love found family tropes. For TFTN, I took in key elements of characters, backstory and lores from IDW and incorporated the ideas into my own for TFTN.

I’ve been listening to Lasting Impression by Silent Descent when writing up Dadlock’s life (which probably fitting).

Trigger warnings for mentions of discrimination, drug use, implied dubcon, medic, shadowplay / mnemosurgery(?), child abuse, depression, implied suicide, ptsd trauma(?). 

I’ll put all of this under readmore

I've been thinking about how much similarities between Roxie and Drift in having to hide certain things about themselves from the society--with Roxie being deaf who has to constantly cover her hearing aids with her long hair, and Drift was a forged triple changer. 

Triple changers cybertronians bear the brunt of discriminations for being so different and the Functionalist Council saw them as a threat to Cybertron's future and the caste systems. Techno-organics also shared the similar reaction for being much different from others and were turned away by Functionalist medics.

It was pretty telling what Drift had gone through in his life… Before Roxie was constructed with his spark, before the Greatsword connected to his spark while unaware of the intentional true purpose in store for him and Roxie later on, and before Dai Atlas took him in to the Samurai clan. 

He did not start off as a good life living on the streets and homeless on Rodion. He was an independent, mostly kept to himself, barely opening up to anyone. He endured survival instincts living on the streets, and learnt self-defence battle protocols to defend himself when necessarily. 

Obtaining Energon for refuel wasn’t easy. He went through a dark place of sleeping rough, hooked on circuit boosters to spare the pain and selling himself for Energon through sexual activities. It wasn’t his choice nor how many times had he lost count when he came close to almost-deactivation from certain outcomes.

He never forgot the time he visited the medibay clinic to be patched up and to feel safe. That was the first time he saw Ratchet.

It was not the vivid life Drift wanted to remember for discussion. He spared the dark details of his early life and post-Shadowplay-to-Autobot’s assassin era from Roxie, because it’s not something he wanted to subject her to that exposure, even for one so young and carefree who was not exposed to the Functionalist era. He only shared his life after Dai Atlas approached and took him in, which changed his life completely, to his life amongst the Samurai clans. Dai Atlas was the closest thing he would call to a Sire. He became familiar with the likes of Cyclonus and Axe.

Axe and Cyclonus became his best friends who later became his Amica Endurae. Axe does not understand the life Drift went through--he had experienced living rough--but he was the only person he could trust enough to vent to. Cyclonus, on the other hand, understood what he went through and offered her shoulder for him to vent.

Crystal City was the safest place it had been in so long for Drift, not counting the fact a particular medical clinic had been relatively safe away from the backend alleys. Everything was good afterwards, he became a trained swordmech. It takes some adjustment for him to get used to sleeping in an actual berth provided for his own amongst other things--including Energon for refuel and to live. He did meet Ratchet, despite them having met long before when Drift lived on the rough streets.

Drift received upgrades to his frame, putting the past behind him to start anew under Dai Atlas’ mentorship, and touching the Greatsword had given him a second chance to move on from his past (obvious to the fact that the Greatsword had chosen him for a reason, or what fate had in store for him).

Becoming a Samurai was the best life-changer for him.

The Functionalists Council had arranged for Drift to be taken and captured (all the while, Pharma had secretly played a part in it) and was taken straight to the Institute where he was subjected to Shadowplay against his will.

Many years later, he eventually discovered Roxie’s existence… and somehow learnt she is his Kindred. And that instinct promptly activated his paternal Sire Coding within both his and Deadlock alter-ego’s programming. 

Life for Drift was royalty fucked up after Shadowplay had changed him into a deadly, fearless assassin with Emperor Nemesis as his handler (this was revealed in Prologue Part One). He was not known as Drift, he became Deadlock--likely a case of an alter-ego formed as the result from his traumas. Before all that discovery, he met Windblade and Perceptor who became two important figures in his life and opened up his spark. As a reminisce of his early days forcing to hide the fact he’s a triple changer, Windblade had to hide her cityspeaker ability whereas Perceptor had to hide his outlier ability and refrained himself from reading others’ thoughts. They hid this from the Functionalists and found themselves form a connetion with Drift after he saved them from unforseen situations. Drift knows what it’s like to hide and pretend, and sworn to sercery to keep both Windblade and Perceptor safe. He fell in love with Windblade and Perceptor--with an emotional deep connection with the young cityspeaker and scientist--but he never got to tell them both after they got separated apart from each others.

Roxie was constructed cold with her spark being a donor from Drift’s, thus forming a strong bond between the two--such bond between a Sire and a Kindred are considered rare in some cases. This is known as Cognatio Endurae.

Though, Roxie… didn’t have a good start after being subconsciously locked away in a stasis pod by the Emperor’s doings. The sad thing is? Drift does not know whether she was physically abused constantly through the bond whenever he was resistant against being controlled, or forced to obey commands, or goes against authority orders--and the thought alone had really broken him.

He tried to save her the first time but was caught out and forced to watch in horror as The Emperor abused Roxie in front of his optics--which played into the triggers whenever he saw Roxie was harmed and he shifted into his Deadlock persona way later on. Yes, Drift and Deadlock alter ego both genuinely care for Roxie. 

Techno-organics were not well-known to Cybertronians until the 22nd or 23rd Century, but one with an organic human DNA is considered rare. Now for Roxie, being a techno-organic and all… it wasn't easy to bring her up. Drift is new to parenting and can be a worrywart over her. His past actually helped him to adapt and care for her--he eventually grows into a better person than he used to be. 

Though, what Drift never prepared for… was Roxie diagnosed with severe hearing loss, aka Deaf / Hearing Impaired, in both audial receptors. He went as far to start his research and how to help her. He is patient and relied on the bond to communicate with her, he taught her to lipread--because he had little knowledge of sign languages. Once they get their servos on functioning Hearing Aids for her, she can hear their voices. It wasn't the best or helpful to her, Drift was relieved she was responsive to his voice like a sense of familiarity to her.

Due to the immense strong bond and prioritising Roxie first before himself, Drift turned off his pain sensors to take in the burdens and sensed her emotions and pains.

But her upbringing had its moments. Roxie hated hearing tests. It made her extremely stressed over the noise levels and the lowest ringing noises were the worst of all. She was a victim to disability discrimination by society, which she was completely shunned out and struggled to make any friends. It did hurt her and her hearing wasn't perfect that the kids relentlessly teased her for her difficulties--the aftermath forced her to cover ears and hearing aids with her long hair to hide her disability. 

She was dejected and left out, unsure whether to question where she would fit in in this universe. Drift sensed this coming through the bond and tried his best to comfort her as a father wanting to understand her. Roxie’s struggles with deafness had impacted on her mental health and she went through a dark place succumbing to negative voices and far too anxious to socialise with anyone.

She would cry herself to sleep with a wish how badly she wanted to hear, and bottled all of her emotions and issues to herself. She found it completely hard to talk or open up about her feelings--even to Drift and Axe. Such intrusive thoughts prone her despair into an emotional crying mess leading to Drift exposed his spark chamber to guide and soothed Roxie out of an anxiety attack keeping her focus onto his calming, pulsing spark and enfolded within his EM field filled with nothing more than a comforting familial love.

Suffice to say, Drift had coaxed gently, without pressuring her, got her to open up to him and listened to her confide in him. One time, she accidentally slammed Drift’s doorwing, which was very sensitive, when her emotions got the best of her during an outburst and of course, Roxie felt completely bad afterwards.

Meeting new people was difficult for her, much less making new friends without the unnecessary attention from adolescent organic males. Due to the society looking down on disabled people, Roxie doesn’t want to let anyone in, something that was passed on from her Sire, without putting her guarded wall down and succumbing to heartaches. She stayed--remained--close to Drift and Wing. She trusts them and they’re the only ones she relied heavily on for their support and speak on her behalf.

Beyond that, there were complications on their welfare over the years hiding on Earth, especially when Roxie’s health was concerned. Her height growth was stunted and slowed throughout her activated age. (At eighteen activated age as example, she stood at 5ft 4in). However, there’s major issues Drift and Axe had to deal with rationalizing Energon usage after the first time they watched Roxie overcome with extreme fatigue from low Energon. They were alerted by this despite the three of them living pretty rough to hide out on Hedonia without detecting the Autobots--they moved from one hideout to another, erasing their presence from their previous accommodations. Moving to a new place made Roxie unsettled the first few nights.

Drift’s early life resurfaced given the living arrangements on Hedonia, he was willingly to sacrifice his Energon for Roxie and replenish her energy and to avoid her body going into stasis shock. He had considered an Energon transfer reserved for emergencies only just for Roxie alone, and the process was risky that Axe had berated him for it on a dangerously low Energon withdrawal. Axe could understand due to Energon being scarce and trying to save as much credits that he had gone further to search and provide fuels for the three of them to survive.

Had they lived on Cybertron, specifically in the roughest places, Drift would’ve given away a full Energon to Roxie and spared little usage for himself to live through another day.

"A good Sire would do anything for their Kindred" Drift told Axe. And the truth is, Roxie was a beacon of light to Drift through the darker aspects of his life, even with being there for her through her low days.

That's as far I've written from my head about these two and I'm having many feelings over these two.

[allexiaah]

Hi, pokemon anon again here! I loved getting to hear about your au! I'd love to hear more about Laurie and the other characters you have ideas for. I'm also interested in your ideas for Claudette and a legendary pokemon you mentioned, but I'd hate to push for too much in one post. Sorry if I'm prying too much.

Hi again!! I’m very happy that you find some of these thoughts interesting. If this gets long again, and it might, knowing me, I’ll put it all under a readmore (EDIT: I DEFINITELY need to put it all under a readmore lol.) I’ll go one at a time here. Also, don’t worry! You’re not prying at all, I’m having a blast getting to share some of these, and it’s really nice to have interest in them <3

Also, are you alright going by Pokemon anon? Sometimes I give names to my anons when I get multiple asks from one, and that one is fitting. If not, please let me know ^^

A lot of these are bare-bones misc ideas that I have and still need to flesh out still—like most of them are, in all fairness—but they’re mostly just snippets. So i’ll share a few of the ones I do have, as well as maybe pokemon I think could fit those characters.

- Starting with Laurie, while I’m not sure if she’d necessarily have one of her own, I like the idea of an Absol having a particular interest in her. Absol’s always been an intriguing pokemon to me because of its dex entries stating that it can sense danger and disasters, and was (and potentially still is) mistakenly seen to be a bringer of said danger. The pokemon Platinum Absol entry says “Rumored to sense danger with its horn, it became a target. It fled deep into the mountains.”

- While the entries go from vague, talking simply about danger, to specifically about Absol being capable of sensing NATURAL disasters, I like to think that, as a whole, it’s able to sense not only natural disasters but distress and danger as a whole, if potentially to a lesser degree.

- Keeping this in mind, I like the thought of an Absol taking interest in Laurie, possibly more so before the events of the movies, a month or so in advance, maybe, if that’s something that still happens. The closer to the night Michael comes home, the bolder the Absol gets, letting itself be seen and maybe even approaching Laurie directly. I think it’s an interesting concept and dynamic between her and the Absol. Maybe it’s trying to warn her, or maybe it’s just especially curious about the specific “danger” Laurie is going to face in the future. I’m not too sure about it myself, but I bet she’s a little put off when she does manage to catch a glimpse of it looking right back at her.

- The basic idea I had for Feng is that she’s a VERY competitive trainer, and once a previous champion of her region, or some other high-up position in her region, until she spiralled and lost that title. Is now missing, though she’s out there somewhere.

In terms of pokemon, I feel like Feng is definitely the kind of trainer that goes for strength in terms of pokemon. She’s a fan of dragon types and steel types, I think. The more powerful the pokemon, the better. I don’t have a definitive team for her, but some pokemon that I think fit her character and that I can see her having would be Luxray, Rotom (?), Salamence, Gengar, Nidoking or Nidoqueen, Weavile/sneasel, Metagross (Mega?), Garchomp or Haxorus. If I had to pick a starter for her, I’d say Greninja, Empoleon, Typhlosion or Charizard (Probably a mega,) Though i’m heavily leaning towards Greninja.

- I think she’d have a very well-rounded team that covers its weaknesses pretty well. Definitely a formidable trainer to face, and one very difficult to beat. You’re definitely going to come out of that battle with a good beating even if you DO manage to win. She’s no stranger to strategy, especially when it comes to typing, but she prefers to brute-force her battles where she can. Probably has a good array of damaging moves on her pokemon, and only a few stat-changing or field-altering abilities, but still does have them. You never know when you need to switch up your strategy in a pokemon battle.

- I tend to lean away from the more recent licensed characters, and licensed characters as a whole, because a good chunk of them I don’t know well enough through the media they come from, and I know someone having hcs for something they’re not entirely familiar with tends to piss people off, even if it’s not really warranted most of the time. I make an exception for Steve here simply because I've seen Stranger Things and I feel like I have a decent enough grasp on his character. Enough to have ideas for him at least!

- I feel like Steve is probably not unlike most trainers you meet. Very much a pushover, just a touch of Ash Ketchum vibes. He’s stubborn but does his best. He is a more formidable trainer than he looks, and I feel like his pokemon don’t always have the strength required to beat the tougher foes they meet, but he’s pretty good at thinking up interesting and unheard of strategies and tricks with the resources at his disposal. If your opponent isn’t expecting you to use your moves creatively, they’ll have a hard time adapting to them. He’s probably interesting to watch in a battle.

- Thinking about Steve and the Stranger Things world as a whole, I’ve started wondering just now about him and Nancy potentially having experience—or at least knowledge— of Ultra Beasts around their hometown, posing as a parallel to the upside down. Maybe they choose to look more into them, and eventually work trying to seal off those wormholes. That would be neat!

- I think Elodie would be an archaeologist who works to uncover old ruins and artifacts. She’s particularly fascinated with Unown and old relics depicting ancient or unknown pokemon and deities.

- I could see Steve having a Psyduck/golduck, Ludicolo, Quagsire, Exeggutor (Kanto specifically), or Riolu on his team.

-Mienshao, Cinccino, Cradily, Spiritomb and Golurk are a few of the pokemon I think she might have as partners.

- About the legendary/mythical idea I had for Claudette, I feel like if a Shaymin ever did run into her or the other way around, it would be curious and take a liking to her very quickly. It wouldn’t surprise me if at least one lived in the woods near her, considering how well it’s said they can hide, blending in perfectly to patches of flowers. It’s known as the gratitude feeling and is said to usher in feelings of gratitude. I think it might go the other way around, too—I think Shaymin are attracted to people who show gratitude openly. It’s pretty much a given that one would be curious about her lol.

- I think Claudette would be VERY intrigued by it, because mythicals and legendaries likely aren’t well-documented, and I doubt Claudette would have ever seen one—No photos to look at, or at least that are easily accessible, so she probably assumes it’s a pokemon she’s never seen and leaves it at that. She’d be especially kind to it, same as she is to any other pokemon, and I think it would grow affectionate towards her and stop by sometimes.

- More of a personal touch, but seeing as people are always gunning for legendaries and mythicals in their games, I like to interpret that as mythical and legendary pokemon being highly sought after, which they probably are. I mean, they’re all powerful pokemon on the level of gods, most of the time, with stronger powers than most pokemon. I doubt they catch a break in the presence of most trainers, so it’s probably a good starting point if you’re not trying to shove ‘em into a pokeball from the get go. I think they’d be good friends, and enjoy each others’ company. I don’t think it would be around constantly, since it’s a wild pokemon and Shaymin in particular are said to be migratory, but it definitely comes around a decent amount. I think Claudette would be awestruck if she ever had the opportunity to witness its purifying abilities. Is probably just as amazed by its ability to leave flowers (or accelerate their growth?) where it walks. I think it’s very cool of her to have like.. ~15 pokemon that aren’t even technically hers that are ready to kill for her at the drop of a hat because a homegirl’s just. Too nice. I love her with my whole heart.

Shaymin is one of my all-time favorite mythicals (If not my absolute fave,) And I think that they wouldn’t mind Claudette. One thing about Shaymin specifically is that in the games, one of its dex entries reads, and I quote, “The flowers all over its body burst into bloom if it is lovingly hugged and senses gratitude.” That makes me want to cry! It’s so sweet!! The thought of loving shaymin hugs makes my heart melt. I just love them so much.

From both an appearance and dex standpoint, Shaymin is just a very sweet friend and I think one would probably trust Claudette. I mean, look at that face!! Baby <3

I’m glad I get to type these out for someone who's interested in them, so thank you! even if they take forever to get to—I’m sorry about that. ^^’’ I spend a lot of time taking my little jot notes and writing them out into something with substance, but it’s worth it, I think. I might get a little bit wordy to get my points across in a way that feels right to how I see it in my head, but hopefully it’s not too bad. Ty again for the interest, anon! It was good to take a teensy bit of a more in-depth look at the few hcs I had for some of the other characters. <3

[blueskittlesart]

i am in a sad. how about some hc characteristics for link and zelda

this is so long because i have so many feelings and half of this is more analysis of their canon characters than headcanons but its IMPORTANT so i cant omit any of it but i dont want to make a super long post analyzing video game characters so it’s under the readmore hgfdfghj

SO link was always a very quiet kid even before the sword and everything. He wouldn’t speak unless spoken to and was shy enough that he had trouble socializing with the other kids in his village. However i dont think it really would have bothered him that much?? he found his own ways to have fun, climbing trees or shield surfing down the hills around hateno. Even as a kid, he was very independent and had a tendency to want to resolve problems on his own without going to anyone else for help, so he’d come home with two skinned knees insisting that he was fine and he didn’t need his mother’s help bandaging them up. (yes this drove his mother crazy, yes mipha also had to deal with this shit and that’s what made that cutscene between them so intimate, it was her telling him that he’s allowed to trust her enough to let her help and that she will always be there to heal him as many times as it takes. dont talk to me) Through his memories we see that zelda thinks, or thought, that he unquestioningly accepted his duty as the hylian champion and never had any struggles with his place in the world, but zelda tends to take things at face value and i find it hard to believe that link never had any regrets about his position. He was put into training as young as twelve years old, essentially taken away from his family and his life in order to serve a higher destiny. I think it probably lead to link placing all his value on how he can serve others. As far as he’s concerned, his only worth is contingent on his ability to protect and serve zelda and the other champions, which is why we see so much of him getting hurt or being reckless in order to protect others; he believes on some level that if he fails to be a good soldier he will not matter to anyone anymore. his only worth in his mind is based on how he can be “useful.” On a less depressing note tho i think hes very good with animals, espc horses! he finds them easier to interact with than people. dogs are the same, theres a reason it only takes like a minute of him standing in front of a dog for it to follow him wherever he goes. He also likes to cook and that’s not even a hc have you seen the little graphics for all the different food he can make? the PRESENTATION. he’s very deliberate in little things like that because it MATTERS to him that what he makes looks good! not for any particular reason, not to impress anyone but because he’s made it for himself and he wants to take pride in what he’s made. thanks for coming to my ted talk 

Ok now on to zelda. She has a lot more canon personality than link which like. she’s an npc and link is the player character so that’s to be expected BUT i still have a lot to say about her character. She’s headstrong and stubborn and emotional and it gets her into trouble. She has a tendency to take things at face value and she lets her emotions take over very quickly, which puts a strain on her relationships with others. Due to her status and the prophecy she was supposed to fulfill she was incredibly isolated as a child. she hardly ever interacted with anyone her own age, which is why she treats link the way she does at first; she doesn’t have any experience with anyone who isn’t required to be around her. She’s used to being condescended to while simultaneously being expected to be perfect in everything she does, and it’s made her... mean. she deliberately pushes people (read: link) away because she believes that no one really cares about her outside of her status and her supposed power, and what we see of her father’s actions only reinforce that perspective. she and link are very VERY similar in that regard, in that they place all their self-worth on their importance as hyrule’s prophecized saviors. the difference between them is that zelda fails, she is unable to be the perfect princess she is expected to be, and she has a support system in urbosa (and link, and as far as im concerned mipha too even tho they aren’t shown to be friends in canon) that allows her to recover from the trauma that forced her into that mindset. she learns to be more empathetic, she stops pushing people away and begins to consider how her actions affect others. she doesn’t necessarily lose the idea that she has to be useful completely, but she becomes aware of it and makes an effort to not take out her frustrations with herself on other people. Ok thats most of my Thoughts out of the way so onto the less depressing stuff, Zelda is INCREDIBLY smart. like child prodigy level intelligence. Her mind is very mathematically oriented, which is partially why she’s so drawn to sheikah tech. it’s something she understands very easily and can break down to its most bare functions in a matter of minutes. she was instrumental in getting literal ANCIENT TECH to work again and was respected by sheikah scholars. She is also very very curious, which helps her out in certain situations, but can be... problematic in others. she doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. shes essentially always turned up to 11. She’s interested in animals, like link, but her interest is from a much more scientific standpoint than his. She has trouble with animals that require a more empathetic approach, like horses, because she prefers to think of animals and plants in terms of their benefit to her: a horse is transportation, a frog could be used in an elixir or a dish, etc etc. her curiosity and willingness to learn help her out a lot post-calamity when she finds herself traveling hyrule with link. though not very adept with weapons, at least at first, her quick thinking makes her a good strategist. she’s adept at finding weaknesses in enemies that may be less obvious to a common soldier (cough cough she literally highlights ganon’s weaknesses in the final battle of botw and i want them to keep that motif in botw2 because it makes so much sense for her nintendo PLEASE)

HELP THIS IS SO LONG AND IT CAN BARELY EVEN BE CONSIDERED HEADCANONS IM SO SORRY I JUST. HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABT BOTW LINK AND ZELDA DONT TALK TO ME

[machikuragii]

Rank the Sohmas and explain your ranking?

Anon, this got really long, so I’ve put everything under the cut. Also I don’t have solid rankings beyond my top 2 so I went into ‘tiers’ that aren’t necessarily ordered by how much I like a character. TLDR; I love all the zodiacs for different reasons, see readmore for more in-depth thoughts.

1. Yuki Sohma

Yuki as a character is really, really important to me. I think about him so much, and how he goes from a neglected, unwanted child with no support network to a confident young adult who is so comfortable with himself and free to be happy and at ease and surrounded by those who love him. I think about how important it is that Takaya displays this journey as incremental, and not necessarily linear. I think about how Yuki’s strength comes not only from himself and his desire to improve step by step, but from the support he gradually starts to receive from the people around him. I think about just how important it is when Takaya says that it’s ok to be weak, to reach out for help, and that for some people, it is only when they DO receive the needed support from others that they are able to get better. I think about just how much it means for a boy with so little self-worth to gradually find himself in the company of people who enjoy his presence and like him for who he is, and I think about how he is able to reach out and help others after receiving the warm and foundation he himself needs, when he is emotionally ready. I think about then, how SIGNIFICANT it is to show a character who had absolutely NOTHING in his childhood go on to make sure that his own child has everything he longed for in a home in his childhood. 

There’s a little bit of Yuki in everyone. Every bit of his internal monologue hits like a truck for anyone who struggles with insecurity and low self-esteem, and his drive and aspiration to find his own purpose and happiness, can be a source of inspiration to so many. Yuki Sohma is one of the best, if not THE definitely best written Fruits Basket characters, and I really wish more people recognised this. As sensei once said herself, I know that Yuki will always have his fans, but I wished that more people realised and appreciated his importance in the story and carrying the themes of Fruits Basket.

2. Hatori Sohma

This is more a remnant of a past phase, but Hatori is here because he was my first anime crush ksksksasoksks . Jokes aside though, I love Hatori because of his kindness and selfless nature that is masked by a cold exterior. As an adult I realise that Hatori’s actions are not always perfect or enough, but I still really think that he is someone who truly cares. There are so many instances that improve his character in my eyes. Can you imagine going through what he goes through with Kana, and learning of her marriage, and not feeling bitterness, but relief that she is happy? And yet he values his own happiness so little that it really breaks my heart. Or the way that he doesn’t avoid Momiji after the ordeal with his mother, but checks up on him and in a way helps raise him? Dude is more of a father figure to Momiji than his own dad. Narratively, Hatori’s backstory is such an effective introduction to the darker, more mature themes of Fruits Basket, and yeah you can bet it worked on kid me. 

TIER: “These are great characters, I love their complexity but I’m also just fond of them as well” (no particular order)

Isuzu Sohma

Someone who definitely grew on me this time round. When I was a child I found it hard to understand what she was going through and didn’t really relate to her either. But oh my god, this girl goes through so much. She’s such a kindhearted character at heart, but struggles with connecting with others and receiving their kindness because of what she went through as a child. It’s so hard to watch her struggle, because we know she deserves the world. 

Akito Sohma

Controversial to say I love Akito just after I said I love Rin, lol. I’ve never had an overly negative impression of Akito throughout Fruits Basket (this is partially because my friends used to call me Akito when we were little.....because I was an Asian girl... and Akito is also an Asian girl????? idk now that I’m thinking back over it...gee thanks guys), so it was relatively easier for me to accept her redemption when it came. Akito’s actions are not defensible, but I find it much more interesting to explore where she is coming from, rather than just mindlessly spew hate and wish violent things for her like some people prefer to do. Akito’s character is a tragedy, and I feel like people are way less willing to emphasise when the victim is not “perfect”, per se. Akito went through the same “broken home” parental abuse that a lot of the characters in Fruits Basket went through, but somehow people are unwilling even to extend the tiniest amount of baseline empathy towards her just because he trauma manifested in a way that hurts others. Guys, she’s a tragic character!!! A tragic character isn’t always “a perfect person who has bad things happen to them”, it can also mean “a character who becomes antagonistic because of circumstances.” Her actions are inexcusable, but there is a lot to learn when we explore WHY she became this way.

Shigure Sohma

Gonna try make this short. Shigure is a controversial character but I like him because I like characters that demonstrate moral ambiguity. The point of Shigure is NOT to be a good person, and he doesn’t have to be one to justify liking him. Once again, you can like Shigure and still know that he’s a piece of shit. The whole idea of “he genuinely cares for Tohru but will hurt her if it means achieving his own goals” is a fascinating one to me, because it shows that the idea of “good people” and “bad people” is vast oversimplification of how actual people think and behave. Still though, I’m really not fond of how Akigure was executed in canon. I think the two could have potentially had a fascinating relationship but it ended up being more disturbing and swept under the rug&uncomfortable than interesting.

Momiji Sohma

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have Momiji who is just genuinely such a good person. I like the dichotomy between his outwardly ‘childish’ and ‘immature’ appearance and behaviors, versus what we gradually learn about him: that he has had to be mature and selfless at a very young age, and that he is also very emotionally intelligent and empathetic. Watching him gradually grow up before our eyes (we were ROBBED of it in the anime) but at the same time feeling more and more lost broke my freaking heart. When his curse breaks and he realises that even though he is now ‘free’, that nothing has changed and the damage was already done -  absolutely heartwrenching. He’s someone I would have loved explore more of what happened post-canon, because I just want good things for him and Momo, screw whatever the hell their asshole dad thinks. 

TIER: “I love these characters but don’t focus on them as much as I think the fandom does”

Kyo Sohma

I’m a self-professed “probably don’t think about Kyo that much” person haha. I know I know, sue me. I think its because out of the main 3, I love Yuki and Tohru so much that I don’t tend to focus on Kyo. I still like him a whole lot though!! I’m a big fan of the way he matures and changes throughout the series, and much like how Yuki does too, becomes a much happier person. When I compare early-series Kyo with later-series Kyo, one thing that always sticks out to me is how much more he smiles. The way he smiles at Tohru is so full of genuine warmth and happiness that it makes my heart melt, especially when I think about how this is a boy who has so much baggage, and has to gradually accept the fact that he deserves happiness before he allows himself finally to accept it. 

Hatsuharu Sohma

Most of my love for Haru comes from the relationship he has with Yuki. It takes so much maturity to accept that your prejudices may be unfair, and Haru did so at such a young age. Sometimes I just think about how much Haru did and continues to do for Yuki without the need for reciprocation or even recognition and it just hits me how much of a good person Haru is. He was Yuki’s ONLY friend at a time he had NO ONE, and is the reason Yuki was able to move out of the estate and become the person we know and love. Haha sorry for making this about Yuki again, but I think their relationship also says a lot about Haru as a person.

TIER: “I like Kureno and am tired of making a thousand disclaimers every time I want to say I like him, Takaya-sensei whyyyy”

Kureno Sohma

I really like Kureno. This is again pretty controversial, but let me try to explain. I like Kureno because he’s an example of someone who wants to do the right thing that causes the least amount of harm to everyone, but inevitably ends up making the decision that causes much more damage. It’s a classic “good intentions, bad outcome” scenario and I freaking love it. I love that it’s absolutely not what he wants, but Kureno ends up doing a lot of wrong things and destroying not only Akito, but also his own life in the process. I just find the idea of an adult of his age who is so isolated from all of society that even a shopping trip is something foreign and out-of-the-ordinary, really, really sad. 

On the romance side though,  I hate that Takaya-sensei decided that Arisa would be his romantic interest, but I do like the idea of romance being a part of his arc. (I actually think their interactions are somewhat cute but that the overarching age gap ruins everything - i keep thinking about if Arisa was older or Kureno was younger, but touching their ages at all would affect the plot so I would rather it wasn’t Arisa at all). Just the idea of Kureno by Akito’s side, playing the part of what he thinks is her “lover” (god sensei why are u liek dis), when he meets someone on one of his rare trips outside the Sohma estate that causes him to realise that what he and Akito have is not at all what a healthy relationship should feel like - and it causes him to reevaluate the harm he is doing to them both, and take steps to leave her. That is...not exactly what Sensei did, but I always remember how much I felt for Kureno when he said in the upcoming anime chapter how it was the first time he had felt like he loved someone out of his own choice...I just felt like that one “choice” could have lead him to the realisation that he can start to make more of his own, healthier choices in life. But yeah. Wish it wasn’t Arisa because it didn’t do anything good to her character arc, and it’s creepy. 

TIER: “I really like these characters but don’t go out of my way to think about them”

Kagura Sohma

Ok I lied, I do go out of my way to think about Kagura. I love her too, despite common opinion. I think her reflection of her relationship with Kyo was so wonderful. Her confession that she started to like him out of pity, but that over time they became genuine feelings. But that Kyo can’t reciprocate her feelings so she’s accepting of that, and thankful that he gave her time to express herself, although she will still go on loving Kyo. Kagura is one of those characters where Takaya-sensei once again demonstrates her ability to take a “trope” of a character and actually delve into their psyche and explains why they feel this way. 

Ayame Sohma

I love Ayame because he’s genuinely so much fun! I appreciate the arc of him rejecting Yuki, but how he is now reaching out to help him, and I feel like we don’t get a good insight into just how significant this rejection was until we see it from Yuki’s perspective. I also admire how he is able to recognise his own shortcomings, and respects Hatori because of his sensitivity to other people’s feelings. He’s a character who could definitely have been explored more if desired, but isn’t underexplored or incomplete as is.

Ritsu Sohma

My poor Ritsu. In contrast to Ayame, Ritsu was definitely underexplored. Such a great potential to explore confidence, identity, and assertiveness. Ritsu as it stands though, is largely a minor character who wasn’t given the time they needed to be fully fleshed out. I would have loved to see them gradually gain more confidence over the series!!

Kisa Sohma

Love love love Kisa, she’s such a cutie pie. But I feel like there wasn’t much more to say about her that wasn’t said in her arc. Kisa is more a character who is used to show the messed-up state of the Sohma house/Akito more than she herself is a complex character, I think. I love her arc and her parallels to Yuki though, it gave us such a great quote about needing to be loved by others before learning to love yourself. 

Hiro Sohma

Hiro is known to be an unlikeable brat but I love him as well!!! I think it’s really important to have characters who aren’t just lovely and receptive to Tohru’s kindness, and his character served to show an important flaw in Tohru’s character, and the way that her kindness could be taken advantage of. For Hiro himself though, I think his brattiness is alright because he’s very young, and I really appreciate his efforts to become a more mature person when he recognises his own flaws! 

[blog-of-reaction]

So I finally watched Robin Hood (2018) and these are my unasked for thoughts. This got pretty long so I’m putting it under a readmore.

First off, I knew that the time period was off, I was made well aware that the movie is far better if you go into not expecting it to be placed in a consistent time period, but I thought people were exaggerating when they said that the movie couldn’t decide what time period to be set in so chose all of them but like, they were right. This didn’t interfere much with how invested I was in the story, but there were times here I thought this movie could very well be set in some sort of weird, post-apocalyptic world because there was such a mash of time period stuff in there so yeah, it didn't even try to be accurate there.

I don’t think this actually made the movie worse though. In fact, I’ll even go so far as to say that the movie was actually better for it, as it allowed them to do stuff that they overwise wouldn’t get to. I get why most people didn’t like that part of it but like, it was weirdly nice. It was different and yeah, it was a bit jarring to basically see crusaders wearing kevlar, but I think it worked for this movie. It was different from the many other Robin Hood movies that have been made throughout the years and the off-kilter time period appropriate stuff helped with that. It isn’t the only reason I think this Robin Hood stands out from the others, but it is a contributing factor.

I shipped Robin and Marion in this movie more than I have ever shipped any other version of them, including the Robin Hood bbc show which, while not nearly as good in retrospect, was one of my favorite shows growing up and that version of Robin and Marion was one of my first otps. 

First off, they had an established relationship at the start of the movie and the way they met is like, one of my favorite tropes (and was kind of reminded me when Vin and Elend first met in Mistborn.)

I may be wrong as its been a hot second since I watched any of the other Robin Hood movies, or even the show, but they seemed more balanced (especially compared to the show) than in most movies. Also, the actors had chemistry which not all movies have had in my opinion.

They just complimented each other so well, especially compared to the other iterations. They were both actively working for the right thing (as usual) but despite both having their own separate plans in place, they didn’t know of each others plans until over halfway through the movie. In spite of this, when they did interact, it was golden and full of yearning and also pain on both sides (though for different reasons) and it was golden. 

Additionally, Marion wasn’t the damsel in distress as usual. Which, even when they try to make that not be a thing, is always in the movies (and especially the show. Or rather, robin viewed her as a damsel in distress and I gotta stop myself there because I could write a whole essay on their relationship in the show and I will do that someday but today is not that day.)

Anyways, yeah, Marion was actually like, in distress, in a damsel in distress type of way literally once and then it didn’t feel like a damsel in distress situation. She had her own story outside of Robin and that is both rare and refreshing. Her and Robin played off one another so well, balancing out, working together in their actions like WangXian in battle. 

Speaking of Robin, I loved him, he is my favorite Robin yet. And Marion is my favorite Marion yet as well. And John. And very possibly Tuck as well.

Yahya (John) was amazing and I loved his friendship with Robin. He is literally the reason for Robin’s actions, even more than Marion in a way. And he is just awesome. So badass, an admirable strength of faith, I love him.

Will. I liked Will (up until he screamed at Marion to never speak to him again). Yes, he had a lot of ambition, but ambition is not inherently bad. Having ambition, strong ambition, is not bad, yet so many times in fiction we are given a different message. Was he kind of selfish and self serving? To an extent, but so is everyone. He did a lot for the people of Nottingham, worked hard not only to elevate in his social status, but to help those suffering under the sheriff. He was a light to the people of Nottingham and a light to Marion. It just so happened he was not the light they needed, and when it came to it, he was against taking a different route which, well admirable he wanted everything to be solved peacefully, was not going to help. At first I thought the movie would have been more enjoyable (solely because I wanted more content). Roughly halfway through the movie I realized no. The time constraint in the movie effects the story in such a way that it is better as a movie. I thought I’d do a dive into the things this movie gave me to think upon and the conclusions I drew from it but this is already like three pages long and it’s 3 am so that is coming later. (maybe, assuming I take the time to write it out and if anyone is remotely interested although then again I might just write it for me.)

Anyways, yeah, in the end Will turned evil. He crossed the line he had drawn for himself with his  no violence rule and I guess he decided to commit and instead of taking the time to adjust his moral compass and stuff he decided he’d be evil instead, letting ambition drive him to power and his inevitable doom in which he probably realized he done fucked up. Or maybe before that he slowly came to realize he needed to get over himself and went back to the light. Or, you know, he just committed, and was the bad guy until his last breath. It was an open ending so anything’s possible. (The reason I spent so much time talking about this is because I am upset that they went that way. I saw where it was heading, and I hoped it wouldn't happen because it’s just overdone at this point but then again if it ain’t broke don't fix it.)

Anyways (Yes I say that way to much even when typing I’ve just given up at this point) I need to go to bed. I’m kind of sad I didn’t touch more on both robin and Marion as individuals, nor did I touch on Yahya who was one of my favorite characters. But a lot of what I have to say about him kind of has to do with the stuff I want to make a separate post about later. Also, I didn’t even mention Tuck but again, he is going to have a significant part in my later post. That one is going to be even longer as in addition to my thoughts about the themes in the movie is one of the underlying themes religion which when I talk about it is either very short or very long. Sorry if this is to rambly-ee, again, it’s 3 (almost 4 now) and I'm tired af.

Long story short, good movie, enjoyable, favorite Robin Hood movie to date.