#sorry this one took me years to post on tumblr i procrastinated hard on getting the photo

[fioreofthemarch]

Finding Her - Chapter 14

Link makes notes, takes photos and keeps time on his quest across Hyrule, in the hopes of finding Zelda and staying sane until he does. [ Previous | Next | First | AO3 ] A/N: This chapter's formatting may not read very well on Tumblr. See the AO3 link as an alternate.

Booting… Booting… Boot–

[ WARNING ]

%%% A problem has occurred and the Purah Pad will now shut down to prevent further damage. 

%%% Shutdown process: Initiating…

### STOP: 0x0000008E (0xHE000000LP, 0x0ME00000)

### pp1371hud.sys – Address F87D91-HELP at F87DA0-ME

%%% Beginning memory transfer…

%%%Transfer Complete.

%%% C  ontact your the Pur  ah Pad technical admini5trat0r for furthe  r  #  H##ELP! 

---

> Director’s Log, 104AC, 8th month, 6th day. I’ve made a start on the repairs to Link’s Purah Pad, but progress is slow. It was pretty badly damaged in the fight, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to save it. To think, just yesterday Link asked me to give it a once over. 

As a stopgap, I’ve booted up a prototype Purah Pad and transferred all of Link’s data and inventory across. Its hardware is barely holding together, so I’ve asked Robbie to return from Hateno Village to help out, but he’s still a day away.  

I’m using the guidance stone console to recover what I can. It looks like most of the data survived, but everything logged in the past week is completely scrambled. I’ll sort it out. I have to. 

I know how much Link’s notes mean to him. Salvaging them is the least I can do. 

---

[ Corrupted data packets identified ]1040802-logtypeTEXT.pkg 1040802-hyrulegarrison-053.img1040804-logtypeTEXT.pkg 1040804-lookoutlanding-055.img 1040805-logtypeAUDIO.pkg UNKNOWN-PRINCESSZELDA.img

Re-compiling… 1040802-logtypeTEXT.pkg Recovery 12.5 / 100%

Log[]da[][]: 10:45. 8th month, 2nd day ##VALUE! Location: Hyrule Ga[][]is[]n [][][][][] Weather: %%UNRECOVERED

%[...]%Glad Tulin and Riju are with me. Have a bad feeling, about all this%[...]%Too many memories in Hyrule, and one over every rise and along every path%[...]%but Riju said I had no need for guilt, and Tulin said it was probably an accident%[...]%

< ~File corrupted, unable to display image > 

Re-compiling… 1040804-logtypeTEXT.pkg Recovery 32.3 / 100% 

[][][] d[]te: ##VALUE! 8th [][][][][], 4th day 104AC ~~~ation: Lookout Lan[][][][] Weather: Mild

%[...]%Robbie’s upgraded the Message Medallions and made one for each Sage%[...]%I’ve briefed the Sages that I think it could be a trap, but we haven’t told the people of Lookout Landing. They’re so sure it’s her. They have so much hope. Who am I to take that away?%[...]%

A half-corrupted photograph, the shapes and colours decaying into noise. To describe it in more detail would be to describe peeling the Purah Pad back layer by layer, and unearthing the wriggling wires, blinking lights and humming components underneath. Look too long, and something starts looking back. 

Caption: C an you% %see m e?

Re-compiling… 1040805-logtypeAUDIO.pkg  Recovery 49.0 / 100% 

RJ | 12:30 %[...]% made it to the Library%[...]% looking worse for wear. 

UNKNOWN | 12:30 Roger that. Yunobo and I are ###here##in here, I’m##in here## 

UNKNOWN | 12:31 Checking in! The Docks are clear but ###Gl# %% %.

YNB| 12:31 Plenty of Gloom here too, goro!

UNKNOWN | 12:32 What about you?%[...]%

LNK | 12:32 I’m at the second gatehouse. And I… 

RJ | 12:32 ##[PURAH]? What’s going on?

---

> Director’s Log, 104AC, 8th month, 7th day - After a day of work and no sleep, I’ve barely made it halfway through the data. I sent Josha off to find me some coffee but Goddess be good, she’d never heard of it. I guess they don’t make it in Kakariko anymore. 

Robbie’s not far away. It’s possible it’s the damage to the Purah Pad itself that causing all the isues. But there’s a lot of noise in the data, more than there should be. Maybe someone’s been messing around with the backend somehow.  

I just hope we can sort this all out before Link gets back. It would help if we knew where he went, and for how long, and why. Scorpis sent scouts, Harth too. They haven’t come back with anything. I told them he’s the Hero of Hyrule for the Goddess’ sake, look harder! 

Okay, I think I’ve nearly cracked the entries made on the day Link and the Sages infiltrated Hyrule Castle. Hopefully something in there will help us find him. 

---

Recompilation complete: 1040804-logtypeTEXT.pkg Recovery 61.7 / 100%  

Log date: 14:45. 8th month, 4th day 104AC Location: Lookout Landing Weather: Mild  

Made it to Lookout Landing with Tulin and Riju. Sidon and Yunobo were already here. All of Hyrule has come for 'Zelda'. 

We’ve spent the morning planning the ‘rescue’. Robbie’s upgraded the Message Medallions and made one for each Sage, so that we can all go to the Castle together and communicate freely. The plan is to hit each main entrance – the Docks, the Library, the Dining Halls and the Gatehouses – all at once. 

I’ve briefed the Sages that I think it could be a trap, but we haven’t told the people of Lookout Landing. They’re so sure it’s her. They have so much hope. Who am I to take that away? 

And there is … another possibility. I can’t promise them Zelda is just an illusion if the opposite is true, but it’s too terrible… What would we do? What would we do, Zelda, if it’s really you causing all these problems in Hyrule, and really you who has turned on us? Goddess, what would we do?

A colourful photograph of Lookout Landing, with the banners of each land of Hyrule visible. Hyrule Castle stands in the background, brightly lit by the sun despite the Gloom that pours out of it. 

Caption: Time to find out. 

---

Re-compilation complete: 1040805-logtypeAUDIO.pkg  Recovery 85.5 / 100%

Audio log transcription date: 104.08.05  Time: 26 minutes 31 seconds. 

LNK | 12:27 Testing… testing… Can you guys hear me? 

RJ | 12:27 Loud and clear! Wow Link, it’s like you’re right here. 

LNK | 12:27 Thank Robbie. This was his idea. 

TLN | 12:28 Cadet Tulin checking in! Or, no, can I be Officer Tulin?

RJ | 12:28 Sure you can, kid. 

TLN | 12:28 Who are YOU calling kid?

RJ | 12:28 Only the Chief of–

YNB | 12:28 Hey guys! President uh… Yunobo, checking in! Is that the right term?

TLN | 12:29 You are President aren’t you?

YNB | 12:29 No the ‘checking in’ part.

TLN | 12:29 I guess?

SDN | 12:30 I am also here! 

LNK | 12:30 Are we all in position?

RJ | 12:30 I’ve made it to the Library. This place is looking worse for wear.

TLN | 12:31 Roger that. Yunobo and I are in the Dining Hall. 

SDN | 12:31 I’m at the Docks. They’re clear but there’s Gloom everywhere. 

YNB | 12:31 Lots of Gloom here too, goro!

RJ | 12:32 What about you, Link? 

LNK | 12:32 I’m at the Second Gatehouse. And I…

RJ | 12:32 Link? What’s going on?

LNK | 12:32 I can see her. 

SDN | 12:33 The Princess? 

TLN | 12:33 Zelda?

LNK | 12:33 I… I don’t know. Hold position, I’m going in.  

SDN | 12:33 Uh, no need for alarm but, there’s something here…

TLN | 12:33 Wait… I can see something too. 

YNB | 12:34 Do you think that’s…?

RJ | 12:34 Zelda!? But, she’s in the Gatehouse! What is she doing here?

SDN | 12:34 It’s… moving. The Gloom is moving…

LNK | 12:34 [roaring, crashing noises] Ack! Everyone! It was a trap! I repeat a trap!

TLN | 12:34 Yunobo watch out!

YNB | 12:34 Monsters! 

RJ | 12:35 They’re everywhere! What happened to Zelda?!

LNK | 12:35 She was bait! Get out of there!

SDN | 12:35 [gasping] H-Help me! Help! It’s got a hold of me! 

LNK | 12:35 Sidon! I’m on my way–

SDN | 12:35 [strangled] No, don't–! You damn-! Hyack, hyah! I’m… I’m free!

LNK | 12:35 Run! Don’t try to fight it!

SDN | 12:35 [screeching in the background] Okay, running!

TLN | 12:36 [arrows whooshing] One down!

YNB | 12:36 Yes, ha hah! We got this little guy, don’t worry!

TLN | 12:36 Not! Little!

RJ | 12:37 [thunder crashing] Take that! And that!

LNK | 12:37 Second Gatehouse is clear. Heading to the west apartments. Everyone report in. 

TLN | 12:38 Roger that, we are nearly–!

YNB | 12:38 Done and done! Dining Hall is clear.

RJ | 12:39 So is the Library. Phew, that was quite the fight. And– oh, Sidon!  You made it from the Docks!

SDN | 12:40 [out of breath] Indeed. 

RJ | 12:40 Those marks on you… what was down there?

SDN | 12:40 I do not know! 

TLN | 12:42 So did we… find Zelda?

YNB | 12:42 I think she left, after those monsters came. 

TLN | 12:43 So it wasn't really her?

YNB | 12:43 Iunno…

RJ | 12:44 Link? What should we do now? 

RJ | 12:46 Link? Say something. You’re scaring us.  

YNB | 12:47 Is…is he alright?

SDN | 12:48 He’ll be fine. Maybe his talking stone is not functioning. 

YNB | 12:49 It’s more of a talking rock.

TLN | 12:49 Looks like a pebble to me.

SDN | 12:49 It is distinctly a glowing stone, the markings typical of–

RJ | 12:48 Can we please focus?! Link, come in! 

LNK | 12:49 I’m here, sorry. Monsters in Zelda’s old room. Caught off guard. Heading to the Inner Sanctum. Everyone else retreat. It’s too dangerous.

SDN | 12:49 No. We will join you. 

TLN | 12:50 We can’t leave now!

YNB | 12:50 We’ve come all this way!

RJ | 12:50 We’ll fight together!   

LNK | 12:50 Okay. I… Thank you.  Approaching the inner sanctum. It seems clear but… 

LNK | 12:51 …Zelda? 

TLN | 12:51 Is it another ghost?

YNB | 12:51 Is it another trap?!

LNK | 12:52 No it’s… it’s really you, isn’t it?

RJ | 12:52 Link! What do you see?  

LNK | 12:52 [softly] You came back…

RJ | 12:52 Link, wait! Wait for us to get there! 

SDN | 12:52 We’re moving as fast as we can! 

LNK | 12:52 I missed you…

RJ | 12:53 Link, answer me! Link!

LNK | 12:53 Zelda… you… wait. No–! [screaming]

RJ | 12:53 Link!

Connection terminated. 

---

> Director’s Log, 104AC, 8th month, 9th day - I’ve managed to recover more of Link’s logs, but Robbie wants me to hand over the Purah Pad ASAP. He took one look at it and shook his head. You’ve outdone yourself this time, he said. I told him I knew my behaviour was not becoming of a Lab Director. He agreed. 

The logs don’t tell me much. I know Link was anxious about going to the Castle, and I know they had a hard fight once they got there, but when he and the Sages returned… he was in hysterics. And the Sages say they just found him like that.  

But it wasn’t all for nothing. The Sages had good and bad news. The ‘Zelda’ we have been seeing everywhere was actually a puppet of the Demon King Ganondorf, who has survived to this era. It was Ganondorf that they fought in the Castle, and Ganondorf that caused all this Gloom and chaos. But the Sages believe there is still one of their number to be found, a fifth Sage, and that with their power they’ll be strong enough to take him on. But Link… 

He said that he didn’t care about the Sages, or Ganondorf, or Hyrule. He said he had to find Zelda and that he had to do it alone. I told him to cool it, and that we must approach this as a team, but he just kept saying he would let us all down, and that we were better off without him. 

I’ll be honest, I lost my temper. Pull yourself together, I said. The whole Kingdom is relying on you to defeat the Demon King, or we’re all dead, don’t you understand!? Zelda will have to wait, if she isn’t lost already! 

He gave me the darkest look. When he grabbed his Purah Pad to teleport away I…I ripped it right out of his hands. He tried to grab it back and there was a tussle and the next I knew, the Purah Pad was smashed against the ground. There was silence, the worst kind, when you know you’ve done a terrible thing. 

I have to repair it. It’s the only way I can think to apologise. And in the time I’ve been working on it, I’ve felt a judgement on me. Watchful eyes, deciding my guilt. I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I feel there’s something alive inside the Purah Pad, something that’s been rattling around in the circuits and is finally awake. I think it knows what happened here. 

Maybe if I keep recovering what I can, I’ll figure out what it is, and maybe I’ll fix everything else too…

Well. Back to work.  

---

Incoming transmission…Processing…

Message Medallion activated.

Connection established.

PRH | 09:00 Hello? 

UNKNOWN | 09:00 Hello, Purah. May I call you that?

PRH | 09:01 Who are you?  How are you — No, I know.  You’re whatever’s living inside the Purah Pad.

UNKNOWN | 09:01 Indeed, I apologise.  I hope my occupation will not be permanent. 

PRH | 09:02 So you tapped the messaging function in order to talk? That’s pretty brilliant.    

UNKNOWN | 09:02 Thank you! I’m glad you think so.  The Purah Pad has been a comfortable home. I am glad to meet its creator.

PRH | 09:03 Oh, it was nothing. I didn’t even know you were there. Anyway – WHO ARE YOU? 

UNKNOWN | 09:04 I would prefer not to say.  I was instructed to reveal myself only to the swordsman, Link. I do not know who I can trust.

PRH | 09:04 You can trust me, can't you? 

UNKNOWN | 09:04 I did call out for you to help me.

PRH | 09:04 And I got your messages.

UNKNOWN | 09:04 The Purah Pad has survived the damage, I see.

PRH | 09:05 Yeah, sorry about that.  That was my doing.  

UNKNOWN | 09:05 And it was your doing to save me.  Very well. I am Mineru, the Sage of Spirit.

PRH | 09:06 A Sage? The others are looking for you, you know. 

MNR | 09:06 I would prefer you allow me to speak to Link and Link only.

PRH | 09:07 Well he’s not here right now.  Something happened at Hyrule Castle.  He never told us what. 

MNR | 09:07 The Castle, yes.  Ganondorf’s cruelty is as boundless as the sky.

PRH | 09:07 You saw what happened?

MNR | 09:08 I see what the Purah Pad sees. Thanks to you, I can finally communicate.

PRH | 09:08 Mineru, we need to know what it was.  If Link abandons us, I don’t know what we’ll do. 

MNR | 09:09 I understand, Lady Purah.  It will be easier to show you.

---

A series of photographs, or perhaps more accurately the memory of them. These images are reconstructed out of others and are more akin to illustrations than true-to-life pictures. The first is an image of Link, stepping into the Inner Sanctum of Hyrule Castle, restored to its former glory. Waiting for him there is Princess Zelda, bright as the sun. She beckons. 

Caption: The puppet Zelda controlled by Ganondorf led us here, but this time when Link laid eyes on her, something was different. He was entranced. 

An image of Link embracing Princess Zelda. He appears to be weeping, they both are. The Princess’ face then darkens, Gloom seeping from her body. 

Caption: You must understand, Lady Purah, that even the tiniest sliver of hope was enough to tempt him. He had spent weeks knowing that this Zelda was not our Princess, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. 

An image of Link crying out in shock as Zelda grabs him by the throat and throws him to the ground. She then goes limp, as the ghostly image of Ganondorf taunts Link from above. 

Caption: I have never seen such rage. Link would have burnt the whole Kingdom down at that moment if it meant destroying Ganondorf. But the Demon King is cruel as he is cowardly. He would not face Link directly. 

An image of a phantom form of Ganondorf which has appeared to face Link. He and Link do battle as the puppet Zelda looks on. The image shifts – the puppet Zelda takes a dagger, and begins to attack at every opportunity. Link dodges her as he fights Ganondorf, unable or perhaps unwilling to retaliate. One of the puppet’s strikes lands across his side, and draws blood. 

Caption: Her betrayal would have been less painful were she not still so graceful, so beautiful. Her image was the one thing Link had wanted to see, and it turned on him with such violence.  

An image of the four Sages approaching the Inner Sanctum to join Link. The puppet Zelda hoists her dagger ready to throw at the intruders. Link cries out and, to prevent her murderous action, sinks a blade through her chest. The puppet falls into his arms, blood staining her white gown. Link holds her close until she dissolves into ash. 

Caption: He was inconsolable. The Sages found him weeping on the stone floor, and when they tried to help him stand, his rage boiled over. It’s a miracle he didn’t kill any of them in his rampage. But they managed to restrain him, and had to listen to the Demon King’s threats of destruction while their Hero shook in their arms. 

A final image of Link, back at Lookout Landing, arguing with the Sages and Purah. There is an altercation, and the Purah Pad falls to the ground, broken. Link departs in a huff, and the image fades to white. 

Caption: This was where he left us, or left me rather. The Sages do not hold anything against Link, but they do not understand. They did not see Zelda, in the Inner Sanctum, as he did. They do not know what he was forced to do to save them, even if it was only a puppet. You say he is missing? There is a log of his yet unrecovered that I believe may set you on the path to find him. Go, and find what you seek. 

---

Re-compilation complete: 1040802-logtypeTEXT.pkg   Recovery 100 / 100%

Log date: 10:45. 8th month, 2nd day 104AC Location: Hyrule Garrison Ruins Weather: Sunny

Short stop over in Hyrule Garrison before we head to Lookout. Tulin was flying over Hyrule Field and spotted us so he joined us on foot. One hour in and he was already complaining about how slow we move. Then he and Riju got talking about which Sage’s Vow is the best, and they’ve been hounding me for my opinion. I’ve convinced them that as Hero of Hyrule I don’t have favourites.

(It’s Tulin’s.) 

Glad Tulin and Riju are with me. Have a bad feeling, about all this. It’s peaceful being alone, but company is good too. Too many memories in Hyrule, and one over every rise and along every path, sometimes. 

One came back to me when we were exploring these ruins. I was young, when I was first sent here, though not sure how young. Did I already have the Sword? It’s all gone now anyway. 

When I was first starting out I was all brute force. The quicker boys, or the ones that didn’t play fair, always had the upper hand. One day I just got fed up. I thought I could dole out some justice. Didn’t know how hard I could hit. The first time I cracked another boy’s skull was the last… but I never really forgot the sound. 

The old me, the original Link, figured out how to quash that anger somehow. The current me is still afraid of what it will do, if pushed too far. I told Riju and Tulin all this, last evening by the fire. I thought they’d be disgusted, but Riju said I had no need for guilt, and Tulin said it was probably an accident anyway. I don’t know. I barely know anything, these days. But I do know I have friends at my side now, and ones I can confide in. Maybe that’s how he figured it out, the Link of times gone by. 

Well, present day Link has to press on, no matter what dread he’s feeling. Hyrule Castle is only a day away, and Zelda is waiting. (As is the gear she made me, hopefully) 

A photograph of Hyrule Field, with the looming Hyrule Castle on the horizon. It bleeds Gloom and beckons, forebodingly. 

Caption: I miss the times we had there.   

[ All corrupted logs recovered. ]

---

> Director’s Log, 104AC, 8th month, 10th day - It’s done. The Purah Pad put back together and given a polish thanks to Robbie and Josha respectively. 

I think I know where Link went now. It’s the only place no one thought to look, because it’s the one place we were sure he’d wouldn’t go. Zelda spoke of it, half a year ago now, and of the treasure she left him. I’m going to go there myself to deliver the Purah Pad to him, and make my apology. 

Before I go: Lady Mineru, I know you can hear me. I’m looking at the Purah Pad right now, all but talking directly to you. I have to wall you off again, Mineru, I’m so sorry. Your awakened presence in the Purah Pad is frying its circuits. I don’t know how you even got in there in the first place. Maybe you’ll tell us someday, but for now our priority must be keeping you alive. I’ll tell Link that the Purah Pad is the key to the fifth Sage when I hand it to him. I’m sure he’ll get you out of there somehow. 

I’ve also decided to delete the images you showed me of what happened in the Inner Sanctum. I don’t know how to tell Link what I know, or if I even should. But I will tell him I know how he’s feeling. We all miss Zelda, so very much. Our world ended twice over when we lost her. I can’t offer him much more than that, but I think that’s okay. Sometimes hope isn’t what you need. Sometimes all you need is to cry, and when that happens, it’s easier if you’re not crying alone. 

Okay, back to work. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. One of them will be our day. 

---

Log date: 17:10. 8th month, 10th day 104AC. Location: Mabe Village Ruins Weather: Cool.

Ah, the relief, having the Purah Pad back. You start to rely on this tech, once it’s part of your day-to-day. And there's no way to lose your memory if you write it all down. It's funny, Purah was the one who found me, in the Throne Room. There wasn’t much to say. We were both pretty sorry. Hugged it out, shed some tears, patched things up. Then I showed her why I'd returned there: the new Champion Leathers, bespoke made by Zelda. 

They fit perfect, a good blend of the old tunic and some new additions. Not sure what prompted the memory of her note about it, but I just knew I wasn’t going to let Ganondorf take that place from us. Zelda and I met there, after all, a long time ago now. 

Head’s still muddy. I don’t like thinking about what happened in there. Nearly let my anger get the better of me, nearly let it hurt my friends. I thought the Sages would abandon me for it but, they stuck by me, and carried me kicking and screaming out of that Castle. It’s so easy to let rage destroy you – when someone holds you back from that, it means something. I’ll find a way to thank them, in time. For now, I've apologised at least three times over. 

After all that, I think I’m not afraid of the anger, anymore. It’s just a part of me, as much as any other feeling. Old Link stamped out his feelings. The new one is going to try and roll with them.  

Heading south. There’s more geoglyphs that way, more ruins to explore, and pirates in Lurelin (apparently). Kind of excited about the last one. It’s been a rough few weeks. I promised the Sages I wouldn’t get too sidetracked, and would definitely find the fifth Sage in no time. But, come on, pirates! Let us have one fun thing to look forward to… 

A photograph of the waters of Mabe Prairie lake. In the reflection is Link, holding the Purah Pad, the impassive camera eye looking back upon itself. Garini of Lurelin Village is by his side, waving.

Caption: Me and my indispensable travel companion, and also Garini. 

[koqabear]

i hope no one takes this the wrong way bc its got no ill intent but- ive never viewed writers as writing machines (nobody should!!) and more often than not i expect them to get stuck sometimes , not because im undermining them or anything, but idk a lot of writers (at least ones i interact with) are uni students like me so i feel like its just the norm to get writers block and/or periods of procrastination, in fact, i hope any writers going thru that rn don't pressure themselves too hard to write ☹️ you on the other hand... 😭 i definitely do not view u as a machine or writing generator do not get me wrong,, but u definitely are SO big brained and creative the way you post formatted fics at such a consistent rate and they're all so well thought of,, none of them are what i would consider basic in terms of trope n plot. swear it feels like mini novel after mini novel lol

this is meant to be a compliment of how on top of the game u are ,, not trying to put you on a pedestal and put the pressure on & overwhelm u!!

this differntiates u from other writers in the best way possible. not sure if u are familiar with nctblr writers but on the top god tier untouchable level of tumblr writers lies you n neopuppy ☺️ i mentally have an organization system i associate writers with, and although its not necessarily a ranking or hierarchy, that tier is the only "tier" there is that i consider above everyone else whom i don't "rank" in anyway, but rather group and categorize based on writing styles n content! yall just stand out that much :')

idk if this made any sense im sick n i just took a nyquil thats starting to kick in T_T apologies this ask is kinda messy n ugly

-dvp anon🫡

OHHHH???! THIS IS SO -@;!:@:! ??!!!!! SUCH AN INSANE (/pos) THING TO SAY IM A LITTLE SPEECHLESS RN??

i feel like the reason i’ve been posting so much is bc i’ve been on break and i’ve been trying to take advantage of this free time i have! once classes start i’m scared that i won’t have as much time/opportunities to write, so that’s kinda why i’ve been jumping on like. every idea i get ever. (but then again, i realize now that throughout this year i was able to handle both my assignments and fics. i’m a little weird sorry.)

but omg. you can’t say stuff like that to me like ofc i’m familiar with nctblr writers 😭😭😭 you thinking that i belong anywhere near the tier neopuppy is at is a little insane to me my jaw dropped when i read that alsndks

i hope you rest and get better soon!!! thank you for unleashing such an insane compliment on me omgldjsk

[yanderecandystore]

If you are a fuckin dumbass clap your hands 👏

If you are a fuckin moron clap your hands 👏

If you make them wait for you, for more than a year, if you just suddenly disappear clap your hands 👏👏👏

 It's been WAY TOO LONG OH MY GOD- How do you guys put up with me Jesus Christ.

 The last time I've talked about what was happening in my life I've mentioned that I just started working and trying to rebuild a social life, I also mentioned in one post how I got sick for a week or two I think- So I want to explain that part of the reason for me not writing anymore comes from the fact that my work exhausted me to oblivion.

 I realized that kids were just a lot harder to work with than I anticipated and that I didn't want to stay my whole life working in the daycare because I started to pick up on my … Very unhealthy habits of coping.

 So I recently quit, because my contract actually didn't seem to have a limit (I was so hoping it would have ended sooner but I'm glad I stayed longer, lmao I need money-). And I feel a lot better now, I'm not joking when I say that I actually got sick from work (the many times I got sick and couldn't do anything, were because of me being stressed, I no joke didn't notice this until my doctor pointed it out to me that I shouldn't be coming to see her with so little time in between meetings 💀)

 The other reason is that I started writing and drawing for a webcomic I wanted to make about Brazilian magical girls with a fairy theme- And I felt conflicted whenever I tried to write for both my blog and the webcomic (I'm sorry I'm a one minded person, because if I try making more than one thing my brain fries 💀💀). Which by the way, my job made me give up on that too, like I know jobs are not supposed to be fun, that work is hard and oftentimes we'll be tired- But I never felt more soulless than at that time.

Another reason was that Tumblr kinda took a lot of space in my phone so I had to uninstall it and using it's website mode is just 🤺🤺🤺

 I've been going to therapy now, to deal with my said unhealthy "coping habits" which I don't want to specify because you guys don't have to be burdened with that (also because it can be triggering to some), dealing with past trauma and how I can heal from it has been wonderful and to be honest I really do want to continue with the blog, but I have to be honest here: I'm a huge procrastinator when it comes to writing, I try to multi write (like multitask) different requests and fanfics at the same time- And that doesn't work for me 🤡

 So. My writing will probably be very slow, and again I'm sorry for everyone who sent asks LAST YEAR (I'm so sorry I'm not even joking like seriously that's so fuckin mean and I didn't mean to do that I just suck at doing tasks ;-;).

 I hope everyone is doing well, to everyone new I'm sorry you have to get to know the author by this way lmao, and I hope you're having a good day as well.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[loulines]

I'm gonna make this purposefully long so that no one reads it.

Unless I opt out in the middle.

I no longer know what's going on on Tumblr, who's still around and who is not. I'm so out of the loop it's embarrassing.

I know my blog gradually faded out, even though I tried my hardest, real life won and took all the time I had saved for trying to draw.

Not that it matters, I know. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing it, since it will be just another "I my me mine" post. As if anyone ever cared about those. But maybe it'll be better if I treat it as a journal entry, one of those I used to write when I was young and still somewhat hopeful--so pretty much just me rambling into the void, where I'll be the only person who will read it again after a while and cringe hard.

Sorry for not drawing anymore. I'm still trying, but nowadays one project is taking me weeks or even months. Which is my own fault in a way, because whenever I do have the time to draw or write I usually just spend hours on procrastinating on YouTube. Watching videos of people making their dreams come true just so that I can later complain that I failed while trying to work on mine.

At least I stopped being unemployed... Which is the reason why I lost over 50 hours weekly from my life, but at least I can buy food and pay my bills.

But I never knew sacrificing drawing for that would take such a toll on me. I thought I'd manage. I didn't. Now I'm a self-diagnosed still officially "normal" person because I'm unable to seek mental health, not that it would be easy in this shit hole of a country. But when your self esteem runs off to another galaxy and your executive dysfunction decides to have the time of its life, you're stuck with your own thoughts while still being damn sure you're never gonna get help.

Also not living in America or any other wealthy country makes it all even worse. In the span of two years since I digged out this ancient blog and became active I realized no one gives a flying fuck you're from a poorer country with a completely different culture. No, you will have to act like an American or at least like a native English speaking person, and you will always be judged as one. No one cares that you don't know shit about their problems just like they don't know (and would never care to know) about yours. I mean, okay, I get it, you have to educate yourself before speaking to others and it took a while but I got there. But once the labels stick to you, they will stay attached forever. And I aim this to both the "good" and the "bad" guys out there, some of you are full of shit no matter which side you're on.

I remember when I was in a completely different fandom like 300 years ago. I had my ship, people had theirs. Holy fuck how I hated that other ship.

Not even once did it come to my mind to go and attack people who shipped it with words I've been hearing every day since 2020, and which where slapped onto my username with the strongest glue you can find.

At the end of the day I know that none of this matters as long as I know I'm none of these things, and the people I'm closest to know that too... Too bad it still matters to other people and it will make trying to achieve your dreams 1000 times harder.

Speaking of dreams, I'm probably already repeating myself, but yeah, I've seen them all crumble one by one until the only thing I could do is watch other people achieve what I could not. By now I've lost all hope on still trying to reach my goals and the fact I haven't even reached 1000 followers on Tumblr before almost all engagement and activity disappeared from my blog is a testament to that. And yes, I did care about that stuff, what a "surprise". Congratulations to those who don't, you're better than me.

I know my biggest problem is comparing myself to successful people too much. But I mean, you're always supposed to find someone you could look up to so I had my small collection of role models. I've always wanted to be like them one day and at some point I thought I was getting there but then reality slapped me hard, and here I am, writing this pathetic post to no one in particular instead of enjoying life and achieving my dreams.

After some of my friends asked me to start doing commissions I finally got the guts to do them, only to realize it's taking me too long to finish even one and while I'm currently in the middle of my second commission, I realize most people won't be ever willing to wait this long.

I was also thinking about selling stuff but I forgot I live in a shit hole and there's no point in making people pay a crazy amount of money just to ship something outside of my country. So I gave up on that as well. Not that it will be a loss to anyone but myself. There are other more talented people who have much more interesting stuff you can get. You're probably even wondering (assuming you even bothered to read the whole thing) why I feel so entitled to complain when there are tens of thousands of people like me. Yeah, I don't know either.

Usually at this point I consider deleting the entire post because I no longer know where I'm going with this. Does it really matter though? I wrote this mostly to myself because I'm not *that* naive to hope someone will read it (except from that one person who knows I know she will read it and then she will tell me again to get my shit together). So yeah, it doesn't matter if this post doesn't make fucking sense. I'm not a professional journalist or writer anyway.

I always feel weird and self-conscious about posting stuff like this because I never know if I suddenly get a surge of motivation to draw something. And if I did, it would be awkward to post it so soon as if nothing's wrong. Maybe that's why I should just shut the hell up.

If you reached the end of this post, I'm so sorry for all the time you've wasted reading this. Take care of yourself. Until next time whoever knows when.

[adhd-attention-deficit-dumbass]

Do you have any executive dysfunction hacks?? More specifically ones that relate to schoolwork and keeping myself motivated? Love your blog by the way 💖💖

Omg thank you so so much it makes me so happy to hear that you like my blog you are literally the sweetest🥺💕💖💘

I’m really sorry this took so long to answer I have been having the hardest time with executive dysfunction lately (ironically) and I procrastinated answering.

Hackning your executive dysfunction ✨

+Study edition📚📝

#1 Learn your triggers and how to spot executive dysfunction🧠

A lot of times I can tell that certain circumstances makes my executive dysfunction worse. And recognising these ”triggers” can help you become more aware of your behaviors. Knowing what contributes to your executive dysfunction will help you work towards creating strategies to overcome it.

A few examples of my triggers:

Not getting dressed in the morning

Skipping meals🍳

Working from home 🏡

Not washing my face in the morning🧼

Not using my calendar 🗓

Skipping workouts 🏋️‍♀️

Not brushing my teeth

Now a lot of these are tied to my physical health and hygiene and sometimes these are things that my exectutive dysfunction keep me from doing. But I try to look at them as medicine. I have to eat and brush my teeth and workout because it makes my brain and body happy. It’s hard but with practice you’ll get there.

By avoiding your triggers you’re at least setting yourself up for succsess. As silly as it sounds. Getting dressed in the morning can make the difference between lying on the couch all say and having anxiety because I haven’t gotten anything done and actually being productive and beating my executive dysfunction.

#2 Plan everything and write it down🗓✏️

I have a lot of issues with working memory. It’s just not there a lot of days. I forget everything. When I’m trying not to forget things, I’m spending a lot more energy than non ADHD people just trying to remember. Now this is a lot of energy that you can save by simply writing it down. Use a planner or a to do list or fifty of them if you have to.

I use a very simple system for this. I take a piece of paper and write ”to do” then I make 2 seperate colums. Above the first I write ”overall” or something like it. There I write down literally everything I can think of. ”Study” ”shower” ”laundry” ”make to do list” ” ”put away dirty socks” ”think about what to make for dinner” whatever, big or small.

Once that list is finished, I write above the second column ”today” and I pick from the first list what things I need/want to have finished on the same day. Try not to go overboard with this one. Think baby steps. It’s easy to become excited and think that you’re going to do everything because you often will get a burst of energy from planning stuff but stick to maybe 4-5 things a day at first.

Now the hardest part is to keep doing it. Usually you do really good for 2 weeks and then forget about it. Especially when the benefits are starting to show, you tend to forget your system because things are doing so good and then you stop and end up right where you started.

The way I (sort of) solved this was to make weekly ”evaluations”. What I do is I sit down and evaluate how much I planned this week and how much of what I planned I actually acomplished. By doing this I held myself accountable.

#3 ”The one thing” strategy

Now if all else fails despite your best efforts and you have no energy or motivation to do any of the things you want/have to, this is a good strategy to get yourself into a more productive mindset or at least check one thing of your to-do list.

It’s pretty much self-explanatory. You pick one thing and one thing only, even if you have a mountain of things that has to get done. Ignore them. All of them. They don’t exist anymore, they’re poofed out out existance for now.

Instead put your energy into doing one productive thing. After you finished the one thing you’re done. 100% done. No more doing stuff for you. You get to throw yourself back in bed if you like, or get a snack, whatever.

What usually happens however is that you’ll feel more energized and motivated by having completed a task and you’ll feel like continuing. If that’s the case, GREAT, if not you at least got 1 thing done instead of nothing.

#4 Find a studying technique that actually works for you🔑

I’m going to be brutally honest with you. This right here☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻is what made the difference between passing and not passing my exams this year.

I struggled for a really long time with my studies, No matter if I spent 5 hours reading a text book it just. Didn’t. Stick. And I used to get so upset because I was trying sooooo hard and everyone else could do it so why not me? It really lowered my motivation because no matter how hard I tried I always failed.

I watched hundreds of ”how to study” and ”study tips” videos on youtube and read tumblr posts but I still never really understood why I was having such a hard time until I tried using flashcards and it changed my whole view on studying.

It turned out I wasn’t stupid or lazy. I could understand everything on the page but as soon as I had read it, it was gone. I couldn’t remember any of it so it didn’t matter that I actually understood the subject quite well because I could never remember the contents.

What changed the game for me entirely was switching entirely over to flash cards and memory based studying. I went from failing entirely to actually getting really good results.

(A lot of people with ADHD struggle with memory so I would suggest always incorporating a lot of ”memory based” studying even if your best study technique is based on a different strategy)

The moral of the story is that sometimes we struggle without knowing why and it’s only by trying new things that we find out that maybe we weren’t lacking the ability as much as we thought, we just needed the right key to unlock it.

I hope you find some of these tips at least a little bit helpful and i wish you luck with your studies📚✨

Feel free to comment/reblog with your own tips and hacks for executive dysfunction/study motivation☺️✨

PS: This is a sideblog so I reply to comments as @time-for-tea-and-flattery

[shintorikhazumi]

“CABBAGE”

A/N: First, I wanna apologize to the Diakko day mods that reviewed a completely different fic for me that was supposed to be my entry, but then... boom new diakko day entry. I’m sorry ;-;, I just couldn’t figure out a flow that would still have what I had in mind. Uwu, sorry for using up your precious time.

Soulmate, non-magic? AU. Cliche stuff, common trope. STILL. I’m using it. Fun fact, I slaved away for this for two/three days hoho~ peak procrastination, don’t encourage it. Also on ao3, but I have a habit of posting full chaps on tumblr. Teehee. This is... long... (could have been a crazy multi-chap, ey?) but I guess that’s what you get for trying to fit a full story with an AU setting that needs to be established. Sorry if it feels slow with regards to reaching DiAkko, but don’t worry, from when they come along til the end, you’ll have loads of them. Sorry for the pacing tho :((( I also apologize in advance if there are some OOC bits that y’all might not like. Not too confident in it, but hope you all like it. I DID NOT BETA READ THIS ANYMORE BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF THE LENGTH OF IT LMAO. Anywho...

Happy DiAkko day! Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

It was a normal thing, really. She had grown up with a thin chain slung around her neck, attached to another tiny metal thingy resting against the skin of her collarbone. On cold days, she would keep it in her pocket because god knows how weirdly tingly and-or painful that felt on bare skin. Sure she could have chosen to just wear it so that others could see it- actually, wasn’t she going against society’s rules when she hid it? She was, wasn’t she. Heck, it surprised her now that she’s realized it. Why hasn’t she been arrested yet? This is a crime isn’t it? Her mom, her dad, would they get to say their farewells once she got incarcerated-

“I can see it on your face, that you’re thinking about something totally stupid again.”

“Shut up, Sucy.”

“Just saying.” Sucy shrugs, going back to working on their chemistry lab activity. “I mean, I kinda just want you to focus on what we’re doing. Unless you want me to slip in some stuff in your project there.” She grinned in that evil little way the brunette had come to know her for.

“If I know you, which I do, you’ve probably already done that.”

“Akko! I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like hurting my friends.” Sucy really couldn’t sell the ‘feigning shock’ act as her monotone words did little to convey emotion, and that forced gasp was probably just everyone else’s normal manner of breathing. Which was scary, now that she thought about it. Did that mean Sucy’s normal breathing was even less obvious? Oh god, now that Akko thinks about it, she would sometimes joke in her head about how she often wondered whether or not Sucy was actually dead during sleepovers.

‘I mean, come on! She sleeps like a corpse in a coffin! And she always looks so pale-’

“I knew you were thinking about something stupid again.” Once more, her thoughts were brought to a halt by that lazed, snarky voice that could only belong to her best friend who shared her mutual desire to strangle one another.

“I was just wondering if you were undead or something.”

“Screw you.”

“Wish I’d find someone to do that...” Akko muttered under her breath, to which Sucy sighed. She had heard it, and immediately knew what the Japanese was about to get hung up on. Again. Like she always did.

A hand reaching over to pat her back in consolation, but Akko felt a little worse, feeling that small, hard material lightly tapping the area along with the rest of Sucy’s hand. Sucy chuckled, sympathetically. “I know you’re constantly in a state of heat, Akko-” Or not.

“I am not, you bitch!”

Sucy could stand to ignore that. “-But really. Are you really that obsessed with finding your soulmate? We’re all young and all that jazz that those old hags keep yapping about. You have a lot of time, you know?” She smiled a sincere smile this time, trying her best to comfort her friend. “And besides, even though it’s something written on official print that most people find their soulmates at sixteen, most isn’t all.”

Akko felt a little better. Sucy could be an asshole, but as a best friend, she really knew what to say to Akko sometimes.  

“-That’s basic English that even you can understand.”

She takes it back. She takes some of her heartfelt gratitude back. “I hate you.”

“Aww, I abhor you with all of my non-existent heart as well.” Sucy smirked, swatting Akko’s attacking hand away. “Muah~” She threw in a wink for good measure.

“Ughh, oh gosh... Professor Croix!” Akko bemoaned to their supervising teacher. “Can I please use the emergency shower? And eyewash. I think Miss Manbavaran got her unholy sappiness spilled all over me.”

Croix sighed, rubbing the spot between her eyes with her thumb and index finger. Not this again. “Can’t you two ever pipe down in my class?” She sighed. “PLEASE?!”

“Nope.” -Was the deadpanned response.

“I now see why you guys are friends.” Croix groaned, walking over to their table. “You little shits just won’t give me a break. And yet, you’re so behaved with Chariot.”

“Hey! Sensei, cursing your students is bad!” Akko scolded, before adding, “Besides, this and that are separate matters. Prof Chariot is just sweet and so nice, you can’t bear the weight of guilt of hurting her. Right?” Akko turned to Sucy who just nodded.

“Shut it, Kagari. That is not a valid rea- wait... maybe it is.”

“See?”

Her head was starting to hurt. Just why had she decided to be a teacher in place of any other job involving chemistry? Really, there were so many other things she could have done!

Just as she was about to return the verbal jabs, a gentler voice inserted itself into their conversation. “Umm... guys, professor, the other students are being distracted by your... um... exchange.”

Three pairs of eyes blinked, before two widened in apologetic shock, while the other seemed to gleam in pleasure. “Sorry, Lotte.”

“Sucy, please try to look even the slightest bit sorry.”

And disappointment replaced them right away.

“Tsk.”

“Sucy... we will be having a talk back in our room.” Akko heard that audible gulp, reaching for her friend’s hand under the table, squeezing support.

“Don’t die.” She whispered.

“You too, Akko.”

“Noooo! How? I don’t even live with you two!”

Lotte was about to respond that Akko always stayed over, anyway, but the frantic screams of their teacher took the words far away from her mind.

“Akko! Akko! Your solution is bubbling! Wait, that’s not supposed to do that-” Croix’s concern was justified as in a matter of a split second, everyone in their immediate circle was covered in some bright pink substance. “SHOWER, EMERGENCY SHOWER-”

“W-we won’t all fit, Professor!” Lotte had begun tearing up, wondering if she was about to die from whatever toxic chemical their beloved dunce must have mixed in. Maybe if she prayed to something somewhere out there, the spirits of nature would take hers and maybe she could live as some kind of forest sprite in some alternate magical world, and crap, she was becoming delusional.

“Hoho~ What a nice outcome~.”

“Manbavaran!”

“Relaaaax, I switched out all of Akko’s components for some of my stuff. It was a precaution.” She smiled, unbelievably innocent-looking. “...and maybe added a little surprise.”

“Su.CY!” Akko lunged forward before being stopped mid-air, caught by the collar.

“Akko. Sucy. I’ll see you in the office later.”

“...your office?” They seemed amazingly unfazed. They’d probably been so used to being there that they must see it as a lounge of sorts. But no, Croix wasn’t going to be defeated by teenage rascals that were the cause of her hair prematurely turning white. No.

“Nope.”

“Th-then, Finneran’s?” They weren’t completely scared of the aforementioned teacher. She just gave them such an earful, sometimes they’d joke to Lotte about needing hearing aids at some point.

“No.” Croix’s smile grew despicably wide and dark. “Holbrooke’s.”

Lotte sighed in sympathy. Well, she’d expected this development sooner or later. “I’ll wait for you by the usual bench.”

//-//-//-//-//

A week of suspension. One week off school, no school or class-related updates allowed from classmates, and only check-ins and work drops from teachers. That was... surprisingly light after all the trouble they’d accumulated over the past first month of the semester. Or maybe it was because it was just the start of the school year that the headmistress really wanted as little to go wrong as possible. Preferably nothing would go wrong. Or it could also be the fact that they were in their senior year, and the teachers really wanted all their students to graduate.

But you could never tell with a group as rowdy as the ‘witches’ of Luna Nova International Institute. They were rightly labeled as such with the cursed terrors they had inflicted, every incident they’ d caused all over the school premises and beyond.

If it wasn’t Akko and Sucy, it was Jasminka somehow being able to sneak in and out of the classroom and buy out the entire snack section of the cafeteria, and making it back to class without anyone noticing. With her size, it was some kind of scary magic trick. If it wasn’t that either, then it was Constanze constantly installing who-know’s-what in the schools’ computers. It it wasn’t her, then it was Amanda and Hannah pulling at hairs, or cutting at each other’s necks, then the next thing you know they’re either making out in public, or making out in public... with Barbara. There was also Lotte when she was in her wild states of fangirling after a new Night Fall release. People tended to keep a safe distance from her during those times. (She’d once shaken a girl unconscious out of her sheer excitement at the mention of, ‘Oh, I read the latest release too’.)

Never a dull day with them.

Scarily so.

Holbrooke had smiled at them kindly as always, but there was just a little something else behind it that felt like Akko and Sucy were about to die on the spot.

“Please. I beg of you. Your first two years, we tried to overlook all your mischief as it did not pose any threat to the masses, only towards you and your friend group... well... physical harm or threat, at least. I don’t know how many people are psychologically scarred because of you.” She had said that, but they didn’t know if it was a joke, a serious statement, or both.

After being given twenty blank pages to write their usual apologies on- they shared a laugh, thinking back on when Amanda got fifty-, the pair made their merry way to the bench just by the school gate where Lotte sat, chatting alongside and excited Barbara, a Hannah with a fond smile directed at her life-time partner, and Amanda who was carrying both their bags for them, waving goodbye to Constanze and Jasminka who looked like they were just leaving.

“Aww, didn’t get to catch my little friend.” Akko pouted, wanting to hug Conz as she always did. She was so cute. And soft. Like a plush. Always calming Akko down.

“She’s gonna shoot one of her tiny lazers at you again. Those actually burn.” Amanda reminded, laughing as she remembered what Lotte told her about why they were late. “And I heard you two got some quality time with the big woman upstairs?” Her grin widened. “How many?”

“Twenty.” They responded in synch, hands aching from the memory.

“Heh... not bad. Doesn’t beat my record though.” She cackled, slinging an arm over Hannah’s shoulder, Akko not missing the glint on her left ring finger. How nice.

“Don’t egg them on, idiot.” Hannah sighed, peeling the limb off her. “And you all got nothing on these two.” She pointed a thumb to the still excitedly conversing pair. “They wrote a fucking novel for their apology. Literally. But the teachers were so tired of reading that they weren’t made to write apology notes anymore.”

“Hey! Cleaning the bathrooms aren’t the best either!” Barbara, now done with her talk with Lotte, turned to pinch the ginger’s arm.

“I mean, we all have cleaned them at some point.”

“True, true.” The group nodded in consensus.

“...”

“This is not a very good fact.” Barbara pointed out, and they all laughed, the ones seated slowly getting up, everyone ready to go home.

As they exited the gate, they all waved their goodbyes, Akko and her two best friends heading one way, and Amanda and her girls the other. Just as the sun was setting at that hour in the afternoon, red eyes caught the reflected glimmer of light against the three bands on each girl’s ring finger. Those same eyes traveled to similar hoops donned by the pair walking quietly in front of her, hands brushing by one another.

Really. She was happy all her friends had found their destined ones. Some partners may look to be as mismatched as Sucy and Lotte, and some cases were as rare as the three-way between the snarky British girls and their American idiot, but... the system had worked some magic in perfectly matching people, it seemed. They all seemed happy with who they had.

Akko didn’t know if this was some kind of spiritual occurrence like fate or the likes, or if this was just one ginormous scientific experiment on billions of guinea pigs across the globe, but... Akko wanted in on it too.

Placing a hand over where her heart was, she felt for the metal against her chest, clutching it through her uniform blouse.

Just when would her “soulmate” come?

//-//-//-//-//

Their first stop, as per usual, was the small apartment complex that Lotte and Sucy lived in. When their parents had discovered that these children had found the one meant for them, they were more than willing to help the girls move in together, and get used to a life-long companionship. They trusted them as they were both capable and level-headed, and Akko was so happy that her friends were happy. She always was.

Lotte invited her in. As always. And Akko should’ve accepted like she always did as well, but somehow, today... she just didn’t feel like it. So she made a random excuse, something believable enough, like how her parents had asked her to make dinner because they’d be home late, and the Fin just had to let her go, even if she felt something was off, and that the brunette might just be lying.

There had been a time when Lotte and Sucy had just gotten together that Akko seemed to distance herself from her best friends. They soon found out it was out of her concern that she might be intruding on their relationship, or bothering them, taking away from the time the pair could spend alone together as a couple. Obviously, they had never seen Akko as a nuisance, and were saddened she would think of such things.

With a talk, reassurances, and clarifications in place, their bond as friends became ever stronger, and more trusting.

But Akko still wanted to be considerate. Out of love.

...and maybe a little envy that made her want to distance herself from the sight of people with fulfilled partnerships.

Maybe she was just a sore, lonely loser who couldn’t truly be happy for her friends.

Who knows.

After jogging the rest of the way home, a simple five-minute distance away from the apartments, she reached that familiar wooden gate, the name plate “Kagari” shiny and clean, like her mother liked it. Pushing the swinging portion open, she walked up the driveway, smiling at her share little garden with her Mama. Looks like the vegetables were growing up healthy. Maybe she could try some new dishes out and have her friends give her feedback. The usual agenda.

“I’m home!” She called out in the foyer, shoes slipping off and set neatly to the side. A habit strongly instilled in her since childhood. “Mama?” The scents of vegetables and meat, and was that... cookies! Her mom was baking cookies! “Mama!”

Padding down the hall and entering the open living room, she found her father splayed out, snoring on the couch with a newspaper covering his face. Giggling to herself, she continued her way into the kitchen, spotting the one she’d been looking for, ear buds in and swaying to some music only she could hear. Akko smiled. Her mom was so youthful, she was such a girl. With her bright pink apron and bunny slippers, and impeccable manners and home skills.

“Ma~ma!” She called, hugging her mother’s waist from behind.

The older woman yelped, spatula flying into the air, but with Akko smoothly catching it and licking off some of the sauce on it. She tried not to look into those disproving eyes, and simply released her mother and went to wash the utensil.

“Akko...”

“I said I was home! You didn’t hear me, mama. This is revenge.” She grinned cheekily, her mother sighing before a fond smile played on her lips.

“Fine, fine. But just this once, okay?”

“Hai~” Akko gave a mock salute, enjoying this moment with her mother as the her co-brunette rolled her eyes fondly. Akko walked up to her, kissed her cheek, and attempted to “appease” her mother by offering her exemplary culinary services- or so her dad had once claimed. “Let me help you out?”

Unable to keep up the annoyed act longer, her mother slipped into giggles, turning to gather her daughter into her arms and pepper kisses all over her hair. “Thank you, baby. Please chop me up some of the veggies in the bag by the sink.”

“Roger!”

And they shared another laugh at the voice coming from the other room, screaming a sleepy, “WHO’S ROGER?! ANOTHER BOY-”

The usual always felt so good.

//-//-//-//-//

Dinner had been fairly uneventful. Her cousin- the relation fairly distant- who currently lived with them wasn’t home still, just like always. She knew he was always busy at school, and with the little business her father had him manage, so that was a normal thing as well. She had ended up just confessing to her parents what she’d done in school this time, in hopes that her being honest instead of them finding out via a phone call from school first would ease the inevitable punishment awaiting her.

It... kind of helped. Kind of.

Her father had laughed so hard, clearly amused at her and Sucy’s antics. Her mother sighed deeply, not knowing if she should even still be disappointed anymore. Akko and school accidents and incidents weren’t uncommon at all, after all. It wasn’t a surprise. Really, the biggest school-related surprise they’d gotten was the fact that Akko wanted to take a science-related course instead of an arts one. They knew it had always been her dream to be a performer. So why was she taking that when Luna Nova offered the Arts as well. It was something they would forever wonder about.

Akko was usually so open and honest with them in just about everything, but this was one thing she would never clear up with them. And they could never understand why. There was definitely a deep reason behind it. But why did she have the need to keep it to herself? They worried, but they also believed in her, that she would tell them if she needed to. She was that kind of child.

They hoped.

Kissing her parents good night, She walked away from the kitchen banter of who should wash the dishes between the two adults, and trudged up the wooden stairs to her room. Akko had offered, but they said she should just rest up. She looked like she had a long day. Besides, she had a week to help out at home. Akko shivered at the thought of being worked like a mule. That was a joke of course, but her mama could be so Spartan sometimes.

Her door clicked close, and she immediately found herself face-first in the soft covers of the lower bunk of her bed, lights of the room still down. Originally, the Kagari’s had been expecting twins because of how large Akko’s mother’s stomach had been. Apparently, they were simply blessed with a very healthy baby. (She was a fair bit taller than her mother, and had a good height for a Japanese woman). As Akko grew up, however, she insisted to keep the bunk as it seemed like it could be useful to turn into her own little fort. Plus, sleepovers wouldn’t be much of a problem in terms of space.

Flipping onto her back, she stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted onto the top of her ceiling. It was fairly high up, with this side of the house being designed a little differently, the roof of Akko’s room forming a dome. This was at her request as a child after attending one of Professor Chariot’s public lectures on stars as a child. Akko had since then been hooked to them, the fading glow of the stickers allowing her sights of the constellations she’d painstakingly formed, sticking each point one by one with the help of her dad and a ladder.

She had been saving up lately to buy one of those small, portable planetarium projectors. She didn’t want to outright ask her parents for one, and she had taken a few secret part-time jobs to make up for the amount she needed. Little by little, she was getting close to her goal. She’d have one someday. One day.

Her eyes felt heavy all of a sudden, an arm moving to rest over them as her breathing slowed, thoughts drifting to stars and constellations, and myths, and tales, and fate, and...

Her world shut down.

//-//-//-//-//

“Atsuko. Atsuko, get up. Akko. Wake up, bloody hell, you sleep like a log!”

“Mmrrnghmm... eh?” Blinking her eyes open, she spotted a young man, brown hair just like hers, dressed in a cardigan and slacks, looking ready to go out on some date, or the like, or maybe he had more business as usual. “Andrew.”

“Akko.” He responded dryly. “It’s eight in the morning. I know it’s the weekend, but really, sleeping in isn’t a good habit.”

Rolling over to shield her eyes from the intrusive sunlight and man, she waved him away sloppily, ready to get back to rest, body feeling heavy for some reason.

“Akko!”

“You really do take my mom’s place when she isn’t around, Andrew.” Akko complained, sitting up, if only to get Andrew to pipe down. “Alright, I get it.” She rubbed the sleep away from her eyes, stretching her body out and taking in a breath of fresh air. “But if you’re here, I���m figuring my parents are out?”

She received a nod, followed by an explanation. “They said they had a picnic date planned for the whole day.”

Akko pouted. “Aww, and they didn’t think to take me along? How mean~”

“They tried to wake you up, believe me.” Andrew scoffed. “You could sleep through world war two without problem, however.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Get out, please.”

“Later.”

“I’m asking nicely.” Akko whined, slipping out of her bed, realizing she hadn’t changed out of her uniform last night.

“After I tell you about our plans for today.”

A well-shaped brow raised in suspicion at the words. “Our plans?” Akko voiced. “What do you mean. ‘our plans’? I don’t have any plans of spending time with you today, as far as my knowledge tells me.”

“Not that you have mu-” Andrew was about to throw in the usual insulting jab, playful banter, but refrained. He did actually need Akko to go with him.

“Hmm?” The lack of a biting response didn’t sit quite well with Akko. Something was up with her cousin, and she was sure that she was about to find out just what.

There was an awkward pause in the air before the older boy cleared his throat; maybe he should begin with getting on her good side. “L-lovely weather we’re having today.”

“Just tell me what you want from me and leave.”

“We’re going to the mall, please help me.”

“Why?”

“...”

“Why?” Akko pressed. If Andrew wasn’t going to give her a good enough explanation, she wasn’t going to move a single inch.

“...It’s Denise’s birthday soon.” He confessed, and Akko actually backed off.

“Oh.” She immediately understood what Andrew wanted without him having to expound on his earlier statement. Really, he could be such an adorable dork sometimes, especially when it came to Denise.

Denise was Andrew’s set partner. She was a kind person, gentle, lady-like, intelligent, mild-mannered, but strong-willed. She was great. Too good for Andrew, Akko would tease at times. But really, they made such a good match. She liked Denise; she was sweet to Akko, exchanged treats with her, as well as tutored her from time to time, being in the same school and all. She also kept Andrew busy and out of Akko’s hair, so she was perfect! So if not for Andrew’s sake, Akko should at least do something nice for her friend.

“Give me half an hour. I’ll be ready by then.”

Andrew breathed a sigh of relief, offering Akko a grateful smile. “Thank you. I’ll see myself out then.”

“Finally!”

With a childish sticking of the tongue out at each other, a habitual thing they had formed, Andrew had closed the door to Akko’s bedroom, not forgetting to lock it behind him for privacy’s sake. Akko was thankful.

Instead of getting up, however, and preparing for the day with Andrew out of the room, Akko lay back down on the soft mattress, eyes trained to the top of the room again. As she saw her little clusters of stars and constellations, red ribbons connecting points one to the other, always to be linked even if they were far apart, never to be broken, her regular intrusive thoughts had begun making their way to the forefront of her mind again.

Fated people... soulmates, huh. Weren’t those terms just glorified ways of saying everyone was in some kind of arranged marriage they could never get out of? Wouldn’t there be at least one person averse to all this? Maybe? But why... did all the people she’s known, who’ve met their match-why did they all seem content?

Feeling for that familiar metal piece under her clothing, she pulled it out by the chain, observing it as it glinted against the morning light. Her finger traced over the engraving on the outside, admiring the workmanship, but frowning at the words.

She thought back on it all. How all this destined person stuff all started out, as the history books told them. Before the records of History ever existed, they said that the leaders of the ancient world had gathered together, seeing the ‘sorrow of the world’, and came to a decision of what to to do to make the world better in that regard. They decided that ‘LOVE’ was the answer, as cheesy as it sounded. And so a system was put into place that would overcome barriers and seas, both literal and figurative, of difference, and bring to mankind the meaning of true joy- Akko always found it incredibly sappy and cringey when it was laid out like that.

Like any system, there were the finer details that made it all work one way or the other. It is said that people are born issued with a ring to be worn on their person on all times. It was a mystery as well, how one could never seem to outgrow the ring. Like it was made to grow alongside you. It was made out of metal, however, and it made things all the more perplexing. Who knows what magic goes on behind all of this? No one knows who makes the rings, or who created this system; nor does anyone know who assigns partners to each other. All they’ve known are the facts that the rings were created, containing words that served to be a hint to who your soulmate is supposedly. When you meet that person, you’d just know. The words, they’d just make sense. It didn’t matter if it never did all your life. One day, everything would just click, apparently. That was how the words were chosen, they said. Then these rings would be distributed to countries and the government would be responsible in ensuring that they got to their rightful owners.

Honestly, this whole thing sounded like some deep cult-ish shit, and Akko was quite shocked that she- along with possibly millions, or billions- had never questioned it before. After all, it was the usual; as always, the norm. It could be something of a mysterious world movement that no one knew of, but with it simply claiming to have the goal of ‘bringing happiness to all citizens’, people hardly seemed to mind where it took them.

Akko remembered the first time she ever found it weird. She was in the fourth grade, and that day, they had learned the importance of the words on the rings. ‘Hints to finding your one, true love, their teacher had claimed, trying to rouse excitement from the students at the prospect of soulmates.

And while every other little girl squealed in joy and giddiness upon reading the words written on their rings, Akko had a look of distaste on her face at the sight of her words, immediately hiding the item from possibly prying eyes of her classmates who had already began to compare words with others.

She hated it. She had then ran home to tell her mother about it.

“Mooommm! Mom!”

“Akko? What’s wrong? You’re all sweaty and you still have your outdoor boots on-”

“Why does my word suck so much?”

“Huh?” The woman was lost for words, confounded by a simple question.

“Why does it suck so much? My word!  I mean...” Holding her ring out for her Mama to see, Akko continued on her rant. “What the heck does cabbage even mean?! IS HE A FARMER?! DOES MY SOULMATE LIKE CABBAGE THAT MUCH?!”

“Ah... well...”

“Why couldn’t it be something cool like yours and dads. ‘Eyes like rubies’, and ‘Rider from the north’ just sounds so badass and romantic! And then there’s me with CABBAGE.  Sure, the ring is pretty and all, but... WHAT IS CABBAGE?!”

“I... don’t know, sweetheart.”

Akko had felt so frustrated with her word, that she wanted to cry. “My soulmate sucks!”

Thinking back on those times, she sure was such a child. It wasn’t her soulmate’s fault that the government or whatever authority or higher power decided to describe him or her that way. If anything, her partner is a victim of slander. Even Sucy had it better with the description. Akko chuckled mirthlessly. What are those people thinking. Ah, her head was starting to hurt from overthinking all this.

“’Bring happiness to all citizens’, my ass. With a hint as weird and cryptic as this, how am I supposed to be ‘happy’ like everyone else?” Akko sighed once more, unclasping the chain from behind her neck, and taking her ring off, hanging it over her eyes, watching it dangle in the air, the elegant cursive of ‘cabbage’ pissing her off a little more than it should.

Along with the ring came a handbook of sorts. Akko’s sat atop her bedside drawer. In it were more rules, guidelines, and information to be taken note of, but they could only be read at certain ages, sections sealed off by some kind of technology that only unlocked come one’s birthday. An example of a rule was related to how to wear the ring. It didn’t seem to be a heavily imposed rule as Akko had done away with it all her life. It was that rings should be worn on your right ring finger so long as you hadn’t found your assigned partner, moving it to your left once you have. Akko had been ashamed of her word and had always carried it around her neck, hidden underneath her clothes. Her mother had scolded her for it in the past, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to get teased by the other children for having such a strange hint. She had believed that it would give her a hard time.

And it still did. With it being so vague and odd, there was no way this hint made much sense to her, at all. Would she ever find the person her whole being was linked to for a lifetime?

Besides the rules came soulmate-related explanation for the rings and words. An instance of this would be that the meaning behind the words would only be revealed to them once they entered fourth grade. She never understood the significance of that. Why couldn’t one just read through everything and understand it all at once? Well, not that it mattered. She would soon be turning eighteen, and opening a section that made her feel just the slightest bit bitter.

[What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.]

Sucy may have told her that each person had their own time, and that she was still young, and had plenty of years to go searching. But when everyone else around you had already found theirs by the “normal” designated time, you’d start to feel quite isolated and lonely, right? She was already different from the rest with the weird-ass word she was stuck with, and now she wasn’t even close to being on the right track to finding the person it was pointing to.

It was frustrating.

Three knocks and a voice followed suit. “Akko? Are you ready? It’s been about twenty-five minutes, but I didn’t hear any noise coming from your room. Are you actually okay?”

Right. Andrew.

“I’m fine! Sorry, I got lost in thought. Be right out! Maybe in fifteen! My bad, really.”

“It’s fine, I’m the one requesting a favor, after all!” Andrew responded through the wood, and Akko felt his presence leave her immediate area.

Hopping off her bed and grabbing her towel, she made her way to the bathroom. Maybe a cold shower would help her stop thinking about all of this for a few. She really should stop questioning the whole system of practically the whole world. It wasn’t good for her sanity.

Turning on the shower and soaking herself, her assumption of her endangered mental health was confirmed.

“AH, I FORGOT TO STRIP!”

//-//-//-//-//

“You sure took your sweet time getting ready.” Andrew commented, locking the door behind them and tossing the keys into his pocket as they got to walking. Opening the gate for Akko with a bow, they shared a laugh, going on their merry way down the street.

As often as they got on one another’s nerves, they undeniably enjoyed each other’s company. It was nice. Akko liked it to an extent. The conversation was fun, the exchanges never dull, it was time spent well. What she didn’t like about hanging around with Andrew were all the stares and glares she got from people around. Much like now.

It would’ve been great if it ended with just observation, but there was always that one brave (or maybe stupid) soul who would come up to the pair to ask if they were an item. The brunette pair would then proceed to do their usual schtick of jumping a meter away from each other, and pretending to gag whilst glaring.

“NO WAY. WITH HER/HIM?!”

And despite the denial, instead of feeling joy at the availability of Andrew- Akko assumed it was him that people always wanted to confirm about anyway- there was no delight, only some form of fear. The creeped-out kind maybe?

Continuing their walk, Akko slapped Andrew’s shoulder, hard. The boy looked like he could bite her.

“Ugh... it’s already such a pain in school when we have joint functions and people mistake us for a couple. I was hoping it was obvious we were related.”

Andrew scoffed at the statement. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually quite pleased I don’t look to be related to your ugly face.”

He deserved the stronger smack, Akko would say.

“AKKO! That hurt!”

“You know what else hurts? The fact that people can’t seem to get it in their heads that not every guy and girl walking next to each other are partners. Damn, and I used to think it was a good thing that I could use you to get out of awkward confession situations.” Sometimes people did that, despite the entire ‘destined partner’ situation. “Weird times.”

“You actually get confessed to? Hahaha, why? Guys must need glasses.”

The tall lad flinched at the held up fist. “I’m kidding. You’re actually growing up to be quite pretty Akko.”

Eyes wide one second, then smiling sweetly the next, a chill ran up Andrew’s spine at Akko’s reaction... that suddenly morphed into disgust, a hand pinching his side. “Ew, I kinda liked you better when you weren’t so gross and cheesy.”

“Ah- h-hurts, that, Akko, that stings, ouch! Let go! I was trying to be nice!” Andrew retaliated with his own pinch to Akko’s slightly rounded cheeks. “Let go!”

“You lwet gfho!” They released their holds at the same time, rubbing the sore spots on their bodies. “Why were you suddenly being all weird?”

“...ate...etter...man...”

“What was that?” Akko couldn’t understand any of Andrew’s incoherent mumbling.

“...My soulmate told me I should really try to be a better gentleman... to you...”

“Haha, she’s right about that! You’re such a dick!”

“Oi!”

Before Andrew could physically get back at her, Akko made a dash to the mall entrance across the street right as the street light turned green for pedestrians. “Loser has to buy the other ice-cream!”

“That’s cheating!”

“Maybe!”

//-//-//-//-//

“See? You’re all out of energy now because of how rowdy you were earlier today.” Andrew scolded, hands on his hips, a paper bag with the chosen gift in it, slung around one wrist.

“Y’think so? This is usually... hah... nothing... to me.” Akko panted, plopping down on one metal chair by the ice-cream bar. “Weird.”

Andrew sighed, deciding to cater to Akko’s needs since she was nice enough to help him out today. “I’ll get you a water. What flavor of ice-cream would you like?”

“Matcha-Vanilla~” Akko drawled, now slumped against the table, liking the cool surface against her somehow, heated cheek. “Go forth, my peasant!”

“Noted, your eminence.”

“Mm, mm!” Akko nodded in approval, arms going under her head to cushion it. Her eyes were getting heavy. Did all that walking around really make her that tired? Her head was starting to hurt, and her body still felt heavy. Just what-

//-//-//-//-//

“Akko. Akko! Atsuko!”

‘...Andrew?’

“Tsk. Should I call an ambulance?”

‘Andrew...’

“Excuse me, are you in need of any assistance for your friend? My family owns a hospital nearby and we could take her there.”

Akko felt Andrew’s hand supporting her suddenly tense. “Geh- Cavendish...”

“My, Sir Hanbridge. Date?”

“Cousin.”

“Hmm...”

Oh? Someone... A lady? What a nice voice. Somehow it was comforting to Akko. It felt warm, it felt kind, it felt gentle. For a voice to feel something rather than sound like something, Akko must really be out of it.

Hands.

Careful, tender.

“A-An... wha-”

“Akko! Don’t talk. Just rest.”

“Akko, huh. Is that her name? Miss Akko?”

“mmrm?”

“You’ll be alright.”

That voice. Akko wanted to believe it. Who...

Soft. Soft. Akko was leaning against something soft.

“You’’ll be alright.” Was said again.

“Akko, you’ll be alright.” Ah, Andrew. But somehow, Akko would rather hear those words from the other person currently holding her in her arms. She felt bad. Not just in the sick kind of way. What was she supposed to do again? Oh right, she was helping Andrew. Where was she? Was she causing trouble? Ah, what if she was bothering this sweet-smelling, comfortable-feeling, gentle-sounding lady.

‘Hey... you...’ Hmm, her voice wasn’t quite working like it should. Maybe she should try to express herself again. Clearing her terribly scratchy and dry throat, she managed to croak out a single word.

“So...rry...”

“It’s alright.”

//-//-//-//-//

White ceiling, the absence of sticker-stars. Dim lighting, the low thrum of the air conditioner unit, and the occasional sound of something dripping. The scent of antiseptic.

Her right hand felt uncomfortable, like something was stuck in it. She lifted it up, seeing a slim tube running out of some secure, clear tape.

“You’re in the hospital, idiot.”

“Never a quiet moment with you, Andrew.”

A sigh. “I was worried.”

“...Mm. I’m sorry...”

“You didn’t tell me you were feeling unwell.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Couldn’t tell.”

“Akko!”

“Say, Andrew. Who was with you earlier?”

“Don’t change the subject, Akko- huh?” Reprimanding words died on the boy’s lips as the question sunk in. “Ahhh.” Recollections of earlier events came in. “The daughter of the owner of this place.” He threw in a few other details he thought Akko would want to know. “High-class lady. This place does too.” He decided to humor her queries, knowing she didn’t want to argue with Andrew anymore. He didn’t either, not when she was like this. A time and place for everything.

“Hmm...” Akko hummed, sitting upright and looking out the window. Andrew panicked, stepping forward, but Akko shooed her cousin away. “She sounded nice.” Akko commented. “Was she pretty?” Somehow her mind wanted to know. Her heart was clenching in some unknown need to know more about a voice she barely registered, a touch she fleetingly felt.

“You could say that. I guess to most, she’d be considered gorgeous?” Andrew mused. “Weird hair though.” Was added as an afterthought.

“Heh...”

“Curious?” He didn’t say it in a teasing town, only genuinely inquisitive at Akko’s not-so-subtle expression of interest in someone she barely even met.

“No? Not really.” She responded, everything becoming still. “Can I go home?”

“Once your tests come in.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Overnight.”

“Mama and dad?”

“Dropped by while you were asleep. Uncle was sobbing buckets, but Auntie dragged him out because they both had work. They paid off the bill and said they’ll see you when we all get home.”

Akko sighed, dropping back against her pillows. “I can’t believe I’ve caused so much trouble in a span of, what, three days?” Covering her face with one of the pillows, she screamed lightly into it, the muffled sound concerning Andrew. “I have to apologize a lot to them. Have to make it up to them... I even had them spend a lot of money on -ow! Andrew!”

Retracting the hand he used to chop her head, Andrew huffed. “Stop that. Your parents love you, you’re not a bother. Shut it. If you really want to make it up to them, get some rest right now as we wait, and get better soon. I suggest you make some dinner if you’re well enough.” He knew she often had insecurities, and tried her best not to bother people so much. He’d observed it from her relationship with her two best friends. She really was just a ball of energy that she couldn’t help but cause scenes, though. People hardly minded, anyway. If only she realized.

“Duly noted.”

Andrew nodded, walking over to the bed and sitting at the edge, whipping his head about to glare at the  owner of the leg that had just attempted to kick him off.

“You’re making the foam awkwardly sink. It’s uncomfortable. You’re inconveniencing the patient’s recovery.” Akko grinned, trying to get rid of the stuffy atmosphere that had settled by stirring up another banter session.

“Could you settle down for once?”

“I mean, I could.”

“Unbelievable.” He chuckled. “Fine, fine, I’ll give you your space. I’m going to the store. Want anything?” He offered, since the ice-cream he initially was supposed to treat her to as thanks was long since forgone on some cemented floor, probably already cleaned up by the workers of the shop.

“Orange juice.”

“Coffee? Understood.”

“Ass.”

“The good ass genes run in our family.”

“Oh my gosh, you did not just say that.” Akko guffawed, waving her hands, eyes sparkling with pride at the crude joke of her prim and proper, perfect-gentleman cousin.

“I did not just say that.” Andrew smirked. “Now rest before your fever comes back from all that tension you release. Good thing you’re off school for a while.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I’ll be back in fifteen.”

“Hai~”

“Don’t disappear.”

“...”

“AKKO!”

“I won’t, I won’t!” She giggled, dropping the tease. “Now scram!”

“I swear to god...”

And with that, she was alone again.

Great. More time alone with her thoughts. And what better way to occupy that blank space that was her mind then to fill it with all her doubts, insecurities, and questionings.

One particular question stood out at that moment.

“Who... was the owner of that voice...” Along with that single question came a wave of interconnected ones that Akko could not understand. Why was there this sudden desire to just... know.

What did she look like? How tall was she? Was she fair-skinned? Tanned? Long hair? Short hair? Curled or not? How old was she? Were they the same age? Was she an older lady? Was she maybe in the same grade? From the haze that was her memories, it seemed Andrew knew her? An acquaintance? Why couldn’t he give Akko more details besides insulting that woman’s hair? Where was she from? She had an accent. British? Scottish? Did she live around these parts? Why...

Why was Akko so curious?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Andrew, you know you can just, like... come in, right? You know I can’t even get up to open the door for yoouuu...huuu...” With the door swinging open to reveal the person on the otherside, Akko could only hope that she did not appear to be the stupid-looking gay dance she most probably was. “-...huuu...who...?”

‘Beautiful.’

“I apologize for the intrusion, but I just wanted to check on you. Oh, you may not even know me, I’m sorry. I should probably introduce myself, isn’t that right? Oh blood hell, Andrew, telling me to check on someone I barely know because you want to go off somewhere...” Akko heard her mutter that last bit under her breath before watching this gorgeous lady seemingly recover her senses. “-Ah, apologies, um... sorry! Wow, I suppose I’m saying that too much, aren’t I? We didn’t exactly ‘meet’ earlier, but... I don’t know, I was probably meddling in issues not concerning me, but... I couldn’t help but want to help you out. It was an automatic reaction as someone who has wanted to be a healthcare professional all my life, and I was so used to it, and then it just so happened to be Andrew and... well, you and- and I-” Fair skin, lithe, fairly tall frame, a melodic voice, gorgeous blue eyes hidden by long lashes and ...strange hair, due to an immediate bow upon spotting the confused gaze of the patient; this person was...

“You’re rambling, miss.”

Said Miss bristled, expression flustered and eyes darting about in her embarrassment. “S-sorry.”

Akko panicked at the saddened apology. She just made a pretty girl sad! “N-no! I-” Their eyes met and then it was one of the most magical and equally painful moments of Akko’s life, she concluded. “Hi.”

“Hello.” The girl nodded back in acknowledgement.

“Akko.” She blurted out. Then just like that she witnessed a world wonder contained in such a small room, in just one girl. There was just something in the way her eyes lit up that pleased Akko very much. It was as though she was the catalyst for such a breath-taking phenomena. Blue stars, passionately burning, brightly so, like her favorite celestial bodies. “...Rigel...” She murmured.

“Huh?”

“Oh? Huh? Eh, um...” Arms flapping about, she tried to graps control of the conversation, not knowing where it was going anymore. “Uh, my... name! My name is Akko! Ahaha, sorry ‘bout that.” --She scratched the back of her head sheepishly with the hand not attached to the IV tube.

“Miss Akko... Rigel?” She tilted her head, and by gods that was the cutest thing Akko had ever seen in her life. But Wait-

“Oh! No, nono... no hahaha.” She laughed, waving her hands in front of her, realizing that what she said had been mistaken as her name.

“I... My name is Kagari Atsuko, but you can call me Akko.” She clumsily reintroduced herself.

“And Rigel...?”

‘Is a blue star that is put to shame when in comparison to your ethereal ocean eyes-’

“Oh, it’s just... just a star I like, hahaha...ha..ha.” She needed to save this dying interaction, fast. She didn’t want this goddess of a lady to walk away just yet. Who was she? Why was Akko panicking so badly? Why was her heart running miles per second? Where did these confusing feelings stirring from her chest come from? Could this just be... Was this girl... Was she... could she be who Akko thought she was? She didn’t even know her name yet, but the way she made her feel, it was like some universal, natural phenomena that could only make sense in the context of... that. Who was she? Who was she? Who-

“Diana.”

Diana, apparently.

“Diana.” She tested, the name unfamiliar, but incredibly welcome and sliding off her tongue so naturally, and with ease. Like she was meant to know such a name all her life. “Nice to meet you.”

She patted herself on the back for a good greeting, with good manners, even happier when she received a soft smile in return.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“No, no, the pleasure is mine, I mean... pleasure, I’m... feels good to meet you, I mean, because you saved me and all, from what I can understand, so pleasure, good feels- no- what am i saying?! I’m sorry, Diana, er miss? Diana? Miss Diana?”

“Diana is fine.”

Diana was indeed SO fine.

“Th-thank you for being so beautiful.”

“What?”

“Tha-thanks for saving me, I mean, helping Andrew out in saving me, but that means you saved me too, so I just thought I should properly thank you and all that and express gratitude because that’s the right thing to do, amiright? And of course I’m right so thank you, Diana, thanks for everything, and the hospital and the room and all, oh but you don’t own it, but your family does, so does that mean you own it-”

“Akko.”

“Yes?!”

“You’re rambling, Akko.”

Akko was a burning hot mess of foolishness, but if it prompted such heavenly giggles from such an angel- no a goddess, alongside her name that sounded divine coming from soft pink lips- that she was absolutely not staring at- then she hardly minded at all.

And then there was silence.

“So...”

“So...”

Diana awkwardly shuffled on her spot, the tip of her shoe tapping against the floor impatiently, hand fiddling with a button on her shirt. It took so much willpower for Akko not to direct her eyes there.

“I guess I’ll get going.”

“A-already?”

“Eh?”

“Eh?”

“Ah... I mean... if you have... stuff to do, I guess... I... shouldn’t be stopping you or anything of the sort, right?”

Akko didn’t like that frown, however miniscule it was, on Diana’s face.

“I... I’m a little busy, I apologize.” She spoke softly. Akko’s heart clenched, and she cursed her insensitive ways. “But... I can come back tomorrow? If you’d like?” -And it leaped up in joy just as quick. More time! More Diana! More getting to know her!

“Y-Yes! Of course! I’ll wait here for you! Pinky swear! I- woah...” The world was suddenly spinning, and Akko had to lean back for a moment, vision swimming in color.

“Akko!”

Said girl was beginning to get addicted to the feeling of Diana’s presence by her side. That was not necessarily a good or bad thing. She couldn’t get attached to her, not when she knew nothing about her. She couldn’t... be acknowledging these feelings blossoming out of nowhere without confirmation of whether or not this person was meant to be hers, and she was meant to be with as well. But she was addicting, Diana. A strong drug. Just one whiff and she was high on her existence.

“Geez, you should be resting. I’m sorry for bothering you, and keeping you up this long.”

Akko heard none of those words. Akko was curious. So Akko just had to check. Hands weakly grasping Diana’s cooler ones, fingers roamed, feeling around until they touched even colder metal... on Diana’s... left... hand.

“Akko?” The concern was palpable in her voice, Akko’s senses blurring the world out as her hands dropped to her side.

Frustrating.

She somehow hoped what she’d been experiencing these past few minutes were the signs of her finding her soulmate, but it seemed as though she may have been wrong. Maybe it was simply infatuation, or a shameless lust overtaking her in her weakened state.

It shouldn’t be this frustrating.

It shouldn’t be this painful.

She shouldn’t have been so impatient and jumped to subconscious conclusions.

Diana had already found her soulmate. Just like everyone else.

Everyone but Akko.

//-//-//-//-//

When she came to, it was dark. She felt much better than she had yesterday, and earlier on today. Turning to her right, she saw Andrew seated on a chair, back facing her as he was conversing with someone.

“I wonder what got into that girl? Her new friend seemed worried.” That voice...

‘Mama.’

“You mean Diana?”

Akko flinched at the name.

“Is that her name? My, she was so cute. If you weren’t already matched to someone, Andrew, I think you’d look good together.” Akko felt a twinge in her chest, only slightly soothed by the sound of Andrew choking on something, his drink maybe. Tea? Coffee?

“I’d rather not be involved with her like that.” Andrew responded after composing himself.

“Eehh-”

Akko couldn’t listen any longer. The pain of everything was just starting to come back. She just wanted to get away. Away from this place that kept reminding her of her chance encounter. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to hug her mama.

“Ma...ma...” Her voice warbled. “Mama...” She tried, louder. Somehow her voice was so weak, the thought of it not being able to reach the person she trusted the most in the world, hurt. “Ma... ma... mama! Mamaaa...” Slowly, she regained her voice, cracked and unsteady. And finally she was heard. “Mama!”

“Akko!” Before Akko could even blink again, the woman was at her side, a hand brushing bangs away to clear her warm forehead, a refreshing kiss planted there. “Akko, my baby.”

“M-mama... Mamaaa...” She moaned out, engulfing the woman in her tight hold, sinking into a familiar scent. “Mama...”

“Yes, Yes. I’m here. I’m here, Akko.” She cooed, hands combing through chocoloate-colored tresses.

“Mama.”

“Yes?”

“I wanna go home.”

“Eh? But you aren’t okay yet-”

“Please. Let me go home...”

She felt her mother pull back. She couldn’t face the eyes seeking hers. “Akko? What’s wrong, sweetheart? You’re not feeling well, and yet you want to go home before you get better. Is something the matter?” Akko couldn’t lie to those.

But she could try.

“I just think I’ll be able to rest better at home. My... my fever isn’t that bad.”

“But you were just crying out for me...”

“I was just... feeling lonely. Please, Mama. Let’s go home.” She couldn’t say it was because she didn’t want to meet a certain lady, weird blonde hair and enchanting blue stars never leaving her memory. “Please...” Because more than the pain inflicted by her sickness, she couldn’t stand the squeezing of her heart, its labored pounding more burdensome than the throbbing in her head. “Please, mama.”

“Akko...”

“Don’t be such a selfish brat.”Andrew scolded, eyes burning into the Akko’s skin. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want to cause anyone trouble?”

Akko deflated in her mother’s embrace, and the elder boy sighed. He really hated seriously hurting Akko, especially emotionally. “But... We can leave first thing in the morning tomorrow, if you prove to be alright.” He turned the other way, hiding his expression from the girl. “So just get better.”

“Andrew...”

“Get better soon.”

//-//-//-//-//

It was against institutional rules to be running about in the building at any given time. Crowded or cleared, the halls were not made for such dangerous sport. Workers constantly made their way through these corridors; some pushing wide carts carrying planned food and beverage for every patient in the hospital; some nurses walked along with important, and sometimes painstakingly prepared medicine and treatments for patients that Diana threatened to compromise should she bump into them. In other areas she could risk bumping into one of the sanitary maintenance people, infectious waste at the risk of being spilled all over.

And Diana grew aware of all these things, surrounded by them from a tender age. Yet at this moment, she was in complete disregard for them, her footsteps rushed and padding softly against a marbled floor. Her eyes scanned every plaque above each door she passed, counting off the numbers, and reading the letters, her trip on autopilot.

One more corner, just the end of that corner. If she rounded that, then walked past three more rooms- She was feeling a regretful that she couldn’t come by earlier, the colors of the afternoon sky telling her just how close she was cutting it to the end of visiting hours. Curse all the school-transfer procedures she had to sit through. They didn’t need to take that long, did they? But she had made a promise of sorts. She had promised her new... friend, Akko that she’d come by and see her. She must not keep her waiting. She didn’t quite understand what it was that made her so happy about the prospect that the other girl actually wanted to see her- Diana assumed as such with how she was acting yesterday. Really... it was amazing.

Diana herself couldn’t deny that she saw something different in Akko, a substance far beyond what others could offer her that suddenly shifted the usual motions of her world upon meeting this girl. All her life, so many people came along trying to woo her, claiming that she was the one defined by their flimsy phrases that never moved her heart. ‘Beautiful lass’, ‘doctor’s daughter’, titles among other things. She had even found out a few faked rings that had been promptly reported to authorities for the grave sin committed. Thus, Diana could trust no words written on silly little rings; only the one written on her own, worn about her left ring finger.

She hadn’t found her soulmate, no. And maybe this was against the universal rules of whatever matchmaking system had engulfed society, but Diana did not want to be caught in a trap of a forever she could not escape unless she was absolutely sure that this was it. Maybe it would be unfair to her soulmate; maybe it would throw them off; maybe they wouldn’t realize right away; but if there was one thing Diana believed in that was rooted in this entire system, it was that if you met the one meant for you, you would know.

Her mother told her so. And Diana trusted her mother’s words above all other words.

One more door, one more plaque. Diana readied a hand to knock against closed-...open? The door was... open. Did Akko have visiting doctors? They sometimes left doors open for quick checks to save time during rounds. But no, that did not seem to be the case. She was surprised to see one of the cleaning personnel of the hospital folding up the sheets of the bed, passing it to his companion before they changed the covers.

Approaching an elderly male of the pair currently clearing the room out of any trash possibly left behind, Diana respectfully inquired, “Um sir? Where is the occupant of this room?”.

“Hmm? Ah! Young Miss, what are you doing here? Oh, were you perhaps the friend of the little girl staying here recently?”

“You... could say that.” Diana muttered, unsure.

“Oh, then she must have just forgotten to tell, you ey? Already left, y’see. The little miss, along with her mother and some fine lookin’ gentleman. Do you think that could be ‘er soulmate? Ah~ young, concerned love.”

Diana tasted an inexplicable bitterness in her mouth, heart squeezing. “Y-young man?”

“Mm-mm! Handsome fella, looked kinda familiar, but maybe I’m just getting it on in years.”

That... couldn’t be, right? While Diana wasn’t one to be guided purely by feeling, priding in her rationality, she just knew that that couldn’t be. After all... Akko was the only one she’d ever felt this strongly for in the lifetime she’s lived so far. She’d swear on her family’s motto of ‘affection’ that she’d only offer her fullest romances to the one the universe had destined for her, corny as that may sound.

She just knew it. She just knew it was Akko.

So who-

Andrew.

She suddenly chuckled. Of course. Who else could that young chap accompanying Akko be? He was the one who came with Diana to the hospital, he was the one who had told her go take that first visit. So of course, logically, without a doubt, the man that Akko should have been with was Andrew. Of course.

And there was nothing to worry about, soulmate-wise. Diana knew Andrew already had someone. She’d met up with them constantly at banquets. There was no obstacle, no other person for Akko. Right?

Akko... Akko who wasn’t here. In this room. Gloom encompassed her heart as she stared at the room dimming bit-by-bit as the staff turned off the lights. They told her that they should get leaving, and Diana nodded, informing them she’d just do one last look over the room for any possible missed items, then she’d lock the room herself, to which the workers reluctantly agreed, unable to go against the owner’s daughter. Well, she was known to be a good kid, so nothing should be wrong with that.

Diana, now left alone, remained stood by the doorway that served as the only light source to the room for a few more seconds. It wasn’t like constantly looking into it would magically make the one she was seeking appear, huh? With a deep exhale, she closed the door behind her, frown tugging at the edges of her mouth.

“You said you’d wait for me.”

//-//-//-//-//

Scritch. Scratch. A line, then two. A squiggle, a letter. A bubble from brew-

...huh?

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping me with my homework?” Akko frowns at her companion currently mixing questionable substances on her floor-table in her room. “That is why you’re here, right?”

“Course not. What fun would that be?”

“Should’ve known better than to invite you over.” Akko muttered under her breath, getting back to the unending pile of chemistry homework she was sure Croix assigned to them out of spite. “And how did you finish this all, anyway?”

“I’m smart like that.”

“You’re mean like that. Why can’t you help me out at least?”

“I believe that learning for yourself is the best teacher.” Sucy replied, emotionless as always.

“No you don’t.”

“True.”

“Hah...” Akko gave up. Forget getting help from Sucy. That wasn’t a possible feat, now that she thought about it clearly. The girl was just bored out of her mind so she easily agreed to come over. Akko was sure of it. Without Lotte in the house, and on their fifth and final schoolday away, Sucy- who had slowly gotten used to the concept of companionship- must have just wanted someone around, regardless of whether there was flowing conversation or not.

“Akko?” Andrew’s voice came from behind the door. Finally! A distraction! Wait, wasn’t Akko avoiding Andrew lately? Why was she avoiding him lately? “Akko?”

“Come in!”

“...huh? You’re actually letting me in?” The muffled voice asked, door now ajar. “Hey Akko, so... about what I’ve been telling you all week...” He began, looking nervous, and Akko had to wonder why. “So my friend, Diana, she-”

Ah. Right.

That’s why.

Quick on her feet, Akko gunned for the door, pushing it forcefully, and locking Andrew out, the boy’s yells the only things making it through the barrier.

“Akko! Akko! OH, COME ON! We’ve been at this the whole week!”

“And I told you this whole week, I don’t wanna hear it!!!” Akko hollered back.

“But WHY?!” Andrew’s exasperation oozed out of his voice. “Just give me a reason! Give her a reason! From what I’ve heard, you seemed to have hit it off pretty well?”

“Says who?” Akko asked.

“Diana!” Andrew didn’t like yelling, but Akko was being so hard-headed after he mentioned his blonde acquaintance. “Just what happened between you two?”

“Nothing! Nothing happened!!!”

“Then why does she keep bugging me about you, and why are you avoiding her like the plague?!”

...Why was Akko avoiding Diana? Was there any reason to? They’d met just the other day, had the most awkward conversation in her life to date, and then Akko felt something. Something she shouldn’t have, and let her hopes up, only to drop them lower than where they already were; and none of that was Diana’s fault. If anything, Diana could have proven to be another great friend she’d make along the way in life, y’know?

Akko didn’t know. She didn’t know what was going on; within herself, within her mind and her heart, in that one moment frozen in time between her and Diana, in a silent hospital room.

“I don’t know, Andrew. I don’t.”

Sucy’s potion stopped brewing.

//-//-//-//-//

“MY MADLADS! I MISSED YOU UGLY FACES!”

“Ugh, Amanda.”

“Oi!”

Akko grinned, messing up Amanda’s fiery mane in comfort from being rejected by Sucy. “Missed you too, Amanda.” A high-five rang out through the school lobby, the two energetic troublemakers missing that burning feeling on their palms.

“But man, you guys sure missed a lot. Who knew a week without y’all could turn the school upside-down.” Amanda whistled, their small group of eight finally assembling complete as Jasminka and Constanze walked up.

The small girl gave Akko this look that she completely understood, giving the girl a big thumbs up, and receiving a smile and nod. Jasna held out a lollipop which Akko gratefully accepted, and they all made their way to the corridors.

Suddenly registering what Amanda said a few moments ago, Akko’s interest was piqued. “What did you mean by turning the school upside-down?” She wondered just how much a school could change for her who was out for a week.

“Oh, well, maybe I was exaggerating a tiny bit.” Amanda chuckled, scratching her cheek. “Just that, some new girl came along and now everyone is all head over heels for her somehow.” Amanda fake-cried, sniffling up some. “She even stole my babes! Along with all my popularity!!!”

That earned her two smacks to the head from two certain British girls. “We already told you, she was our childhood friend! Of course we’re inclined to keep her company and show her around!” They defended, scoffing. “Besides, you didn’t mind ogling her at all the other day, huh? You should feel grateful we let you in our dorm the other day.”

“B-babies...”

“Oof. You brought that on yourself, hot stuff.” Sucy grinned, wickedly. “But now I’m curious. If she could even catch Amanda’s eyes then...”

“Total hottie.” Jasminka commented through a mouthful of chips. “Everyone can vouch for that.”

“Woah, even Jas...” Akko laughed lightly. “Alrighty, let’s meet this new kid in town then! Where is she and what’s her name?” Just as they were about to pass the headmistress’ office and head for their homeroom, a hand tugged at the brunette’s collar, along with Sucy’s.

“Wait a second, you two. You’re supposed to report to Professor Holbrooke first, right?” Lotte, ever the dutiful friend, reminded.

“Ah dang, right.” Akko scratched her cheek, throwing Sucy a beckoning glance. “Guess it’s better to just get it over with.” She shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“See you all in class!” Akko waved goodbye, smiling as Lotte left a peck on her pale friend’s cheek, enjoying her rarely flustered state. Her heart warmed when Lotte gave her one two, patting the blonde’s hair fondly. “Thanks, Lotte.”

“Anytime.”

With their friends out of sight, they faced the suddenly intimidating doors.

“Now or never.”

//-//-//-//-//

“I’m glad we got excuse slips for being tardy to class. I do not want more yelling. Though I guess Prof Chariot wouldn’t do that, huh.”

“What did you say? I think I’ve gone deaf.” Sucy complained, rubbing her pained ears. “Finneran yaps like a bitch.”

“OI! Don’t let her hear you say that!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not up for more ‘counseling and healthy reminders’.” Sucy mockingly mimicked the strict teacher. “Christ, that woman must be senile.”

“Shhh, we’re almost at the classroom.” Akko hushed her bestfriend, door coming into view. She could hear a Professor Chariots distinct voice posing a question to the class, and there was a quiet that Akko knew was due to no one knowing the answer, not very uncommon.

But then there was one. A voice very uncommon, but somehow familiar, attracting, pulling her in. With her curiosity getting the better of her, Akko slid the door open, planning to softly sneak into class, forgetting that the room’s backdoor had a tendency to-

SCRREEEEECCHHHH

...that.

“H-hi? S-sorry we’re late?” Akko tried, dozens of eyes now resting on them, most surprised. But one pair stood out the most. ‘She looks good in our uniform.’ Akko’s jaw hung slack, a fight or flight response hesitantly building up within her. Her legs tensed, ready to bolt or stay rooted depending on the next move the one she was staring at made. “...Rigel...”

“...Akko.”

Then a hand reached out, and she was gone. Like the wind.

//-//-//-//-//

It had been a difficult week. Amanda was definitely right when she said things had been turned upside-down. Akko felt like she was too. So Hannah and Barbara’s childhood, hottie, transfer student, best friend just so happened to be Diana. Diana, Akko met her in the hospital and became enraptured with, Diana.

This posed a problem, along with unbearable tension within their group. Akko would always want to run away, and Diana would always seek after her. After awhile, the blonde grew weary, and just distanced herself, her childhood bestfriends obviously sticking by her side. Amanda had girlfriends to attend to. And Constanze and Jas usually followed Amanda. So now, it was just Sucy, Lotte, and little ol’ Akko. Like old times.

“Akko, just why are you avoiding Miss Cavendish? How do you know her?” Lotte asked on their way home. “Please? Tell us? I can’t stand to not spend time with the other girls anymore just because you two are at unknown odds. You’re a kind person, Akko. And Miss Cavendish is as well, from how I’ve gotten to know her lately.”

“Lotte, you... you wouldn’t get it.” Akko sighed. She was tired of entertaining Diana-related questions. All the ‘why don’t you two get along’ interrogations wearing her down thin: with Andrew at home, and Hannah and Barbara indirectly hounding her in school at every chance they’d get, trying to fish out for an answer that Diana couldn’t give to them herself, apparently. Not that Akko blamed her. She must just be as confused as everyone else with regards to Akko’s averse reactions.

“M-maybe I could try?” Akko missed the shift in the Fin’s tone, irritation over the week threatening to make her lose self-control and lash out. But no, she couldn’t do that. Not too sweet Lotte. She still had her senses intact.

“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t.” She firmly stated through gritted teeth, not looking at Lotte as she replied, so unlike her.

“I-I-”

“Akko, Lotte just wants to understand you.” Sucy stepped in, feeling that change in the air that she didn’t quite fancy. “Why can’t you just tell us? I know I may not act like it a lot, but aren’t we your best friends?” Akko held back a hiss behind pearly whites. She didn’t want to be a bad person. She had to be considerate of people’s feelings. Like always. Everyone was just curious. They were all just confused... but then Sucy had to just say, “Don’t you trust us?”

And Akko couldn’t hear that.

“I trust you! I do!” She whipped her head about, pointing a finger to them one-by one. “But you guys, you wouldn’t get it because you have your soulmate by your side constantly, okay?!”

“Akko...” Lotte’s eyes widened.

“I... I’ve been waiting a lot, and I know you said I’m being impatient. It doesn’t have to be now.” Akko huffed. “But do you know how it feels to look at all of you, all happy with someone who can love you completely? Understand you completely? I don’t have that! Not yet! And sure, somewhere down the future road, I might.... and it’s stupid of me, but I’m a lot more jealous and selfish than I look, okay? Everyone has nice words, and has met the person those words described perfectly, at the designated time, normally, as the book says.”

“Akko, the book doesn’t completely control everything-”

“And here I am, always subconsciously looking around, because maybe my person is out there too, y’know? But how the heck do I know?” A hand reached for the chain on her neck, ripping it out of her shirt so hard, it broke, the ring flying onto the ground. “Stupid! Stupid chain! Stupid Ring! Stupid words! Akko marched the few steps to the item, bending and snatching it off the ground, hand going in too hard, too fast that she scraped her knuckles badly in the process, the area quickly leaking red. “Sh- damn it, stupid- gaahhh!”

“A-Akko.”

Lotte stepped back, retracting the hand that had been reaching out for the heated Japanese girl, stomping at the ground. This... wasn’t an Akko she knew. How many years of pent up frustration was going into this session?

“You guys,” Her eyes were scary, sharp and menacing. Sucy jumped in front of Lotte at the sight of Akko’s bloodied knuckles coming their way at eye-level. But then it stopped. “You haven’t seen it, right? My words.”

They couldn’t even react.

“Cabbage.” Akko spat. “Goddamn cabbage. How am I supposed to know what that fucking means. How are you guys supposed to understand when... I can’t either... these words... myself... why I’m so impatient... what I’m feeling... Why... I thought it could’ve been Diana, but...”

“...but what, Akko?” Lotte hated how scared she sounded, seeing Akko flinch, knowing her friend noticed her fear. She knew how afraid of hurting her friends Akko was. This was all just a shock. That’s all. “What’s... what’s with Diana, Akko? Diana and you?” She posed the earlier question for the last time. Was Akko hinting at what she thought it was?

“She wears it on her left.”

//-//-//-//-//

Orange juice didn’t taste as good when you drank it alone on the stairwell leading to the roof. It would have been better had she been able to stand under the cloudy mid-day sun, the refreshing breeze taking her mind off things. But then it just had to rain, hard, and that ruined all her plans of clearing her mind via the healing powers of nature. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Sucy and Lotte to stay away and give her space. Having no one to talk to really sucked. More so than the strange word on her stupid government-issued ring.

“Ahhh, should I just go and apologize to everyone?” She muttered, squeezing the juicebox she thought she’d emptied, but did not know had bits of liquid left. The purely concentrated citrus then spilled onto her exposed, skinned knuckles, making her hiss in pain. “Tsk, stupid. Grrr!”

“Ah-!”

“Ah?” The yelp caught her attention. She was alone in this place, right? “Hello?”

No response.

“Anyone there?” The only ones replying to her were the winds that howled behind the metal door that led to open roof. Those sounds were starting to sound like how she’d imagined ghosts would in the dead of night. “Helloooo~”

Still nothing.

“Maybe it was just my imagination?”

“STAY AWAY!”

Okay, that was NOT her imagination. That was a girl. Looking around for some kind of weapon, Akko readied herself to beat up whatever girl-harassing creep she’d find once she rounded the bend in the stairwell. Holding up a sturdy wooden broom, she tiptoed down, steps making no sound.

On three, she’d jump and smack the living shit out of whoever was there. One... two...

“Akko, please save me!”

And she slipped and fell in her surprise; her back was going to hurt like hell over the next few days. Alas! She must stay vigil! Save whoever this damsel in distress was- Diana... It was Diana. Diana Cavendish, as she’d learned the girl’s name, and a few other trivial details about her, over the course of their time not together. (Akko also denies any and all claims that state that she spent a lofty amount of time observing the taller girl. She didn’t know things like how she was Scottish, or how she loved horses and anything that looked like a unicorn, and that she was intelligent, and smelled like vanilla and mint.)

“I’ll save you?” She managed in her ruffled state. Before she could process anything more, the girl had clung to her, both now laying on the floor; one in an utter state of bewilderment, and the other... dealing with whatever it was she got going on before Akko had found her. “Umm... Diana?” She tried, forgetting her phobia of the girl over the past few days, and rubbing her back gently to gain her attention. She was shaking like the leaves outside in the storm. Just what had happened. “Diana? What’s wrong? What am I saving you from?”

There were no signs of any bad guys, as far as Akko could see. She was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she could defend them in this position.

“Miss Cavendish? Heir to a billion-dollar hospital? What’s up?” She was trying to be nonchalant in an attempt to possibly calm the girl, and it worked somewhat, allowing her to see that beautiful face, tear-stained and all. “H-Hi.” How lame.

“Akko... the... there... it...”

“Hmm?” She lent an open ear, looking around, still not seeing any signs of danger. Then a well-manicured finger came up and pointed to one of the panels of the hallway’s windows. Akko squinted, not seeing anything. Had Diana seen some kind of floating ghost outside? Or was she seeing it inside, and Akko didn’t have the sixth sense for it? Did Diana have some kind of sixth sense? “What exactly...”

“B...”

“Buh..?”

“Bee.” She squeaked.

Akko gawked.

“Bee.”

“B-bee.”

“Bee?”

“Bee!”

“B-”

“Akko, please just get it away! I’m scared!”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” She scrambled to her feet, but not without gently seating Diana up, even if it was on the dirty corridor floor. Opening the window and grimacing as strong winds blew droplets of water into her face, Akko shooed the poor insect into nature’s claws of death. “Sorry, buddy. Princess doesn’t seem to like you.” Blowing it a kiss, she shut the window, wiping her face on the sleeve of her jacket.

Now... to face a larger problem... or not face it. Maybe Akko should get running again.

She should.

“Well, this was nice and all that, but I guess I should get- ouch!” Diana had caught her hand in alarm, accidentally pressing against her open, yet-to-heal wounds.

“M-my apologies!”

“It’s f-fine. It’s okay, please let... let go.” Akko didn’t like the way her heartrate spiked in Diana’s presence. It grew even more erratic, wildly jumping every which way in her chest as her hand was held more gently, blue eyes scrutinizing the reddened skin, the heiress didn’t seem to have any plans of releasing her. “Diana?”

“May I... May I treat you? That blue sparkle was redirected from her knuckles to her own dark reds. They were so hopeful and compelling that Akko, despite thinking that avoiding Diana would kill whatever held-back, buds of feelings she hoped to dash, just couldn’t help but consent, cursing the way her chest lightened, heart soaring.

She was absolutely doomed.

//-//-//-//-//

It was a quiet affair.

Torturous. No one said a word. To be fair, they’ve only had two somewhat proper conversations so far, so not knowing how to break the ice shouldn’t be that odd.

But it was, and Akko couldn’t take it. Diana had just finished cleaning Akko’s wounds under the sink in the infirmary, and was now dabbing them gently with antiseptic. She was so careful, touches feather-like soft. Akko barely felt anything, much less pain. So maybe she could start with talking about that. Maybe.

“You... You’re hands are real nice.”

“H-huh?”And down fell the cottonball she’d been holding.

“I-I mean... you’re really good at this. Tender and all that. You’d... make a good doctor.” Akko commented off the top of her head, running out of things to say, as she always did when faced with one Diana Cavendish. “A pretty doctor. Patients would... probably feel healed just from your... face. Or something.” Smooth, Akko. Smooth. Could Diana, like... at least help her out a little by responding? “Please say something.” Akko begged in a whisper.

“O-oh, I... thank you, Akko. Thank you for the compliment. I...” Momentarily lifting her eyes and meeting Akko’s gaze, the blonde averted hers, a thin touch of red spreading up to her ears, not unnoticed by the injured Japanese. “I appreciate your words.”

Akko hummed, not trusting her mouth to communicate properly anymore.

“I think you’re... face is a healing balm as well.”

Akko felt herself blush as well, head tilting up so she could face the ceiling. It was one of the most brainless compliments she’d ever heard in her life, and she knew she just said something along those lines as well. And yet it made her heart flutter like nothing else had before.

“Don’t mention it and... thanks.”

//-//-//-//-//

You never know when an event becomes a catalyst for reality to undergo great changes. Their little bandaging session had returned the next day. Akko was quite clumsy with these types of things. Each time she’d gotten hurt in an accident, she’d always ask Lotte to do it... but today... all their friends, and even the classmates they’d unintentionally dragged into their awkward little world, were staring in awe as Kagari Atsuko stood in front of Diana Cavendish’s desk, inviting her out to the infirmary.

“I-I’m just having her help me with my bandages! Don’t get the wrong idea!” Akko yelled as she guided Diana out, unknowingly holding her hand all the while. No one commented on it. Not even Barbara and Lotte who were exchanging curious little smiles. Something was changing. And it was a good change.

Reaching the infirmary, Akko headed straight for the sink, rinsing her knuckles under clean water while Diana gathered what she needed. Once done, they met by some chairs placed about the room and took a seat, the blonde girl looking over Akko’s hand.

“Come tomorrow, you might not need to bandage it anymore. Just apply some ointment. I think the nurse can recommend something.” Diana stated, looking up to smile at Akko who flushed at the attention.

“O-okay. I got it.”

“Great.” She then got to work, applying what needed to applied, and wrapping the clean white bandage after. Diana did this in her usual silence, focused. Sort of. There was one thing that had been nagging her for quite some time now, ever since she got to take a better look at Akko, now that they attended the same school. It was a  unnerving, however. It hadn’t been long at all since they... ‘got along’, and Diana didn’t want to present something that might cause them to drift apart again. But it was eating at her, the need to know about it. It would determine how she’d interact with Akko from now on. It would show her what kind of relationship she was allowed to pursue. She needed a confirmation. She braced herself. Trying shouldn’t hurt. She could change the subject after testing the waters.

“Akko.”

“Hmm?” Was the casual-sounding hum.

‘She’s calm. Calmer around me.’ That little detail made Diana happy. So happy. This was progress. “May I ask a question?”

There was a pause, and Diana considered backing out. It appeared as though Akko was thinking about it deeply. Before Diana could take it back, Akko responded, “Sure. Ask away.”, and the heiress breathed a relieved sigh. “What did you wanna know?”

“Well, um... I just happened to notice that... you don’t...” Diana was really hoping this wasn’t a sensitive subject. She’d finally managed to close the gap between her and Akko. Sure it was by unconventional, and very strange means- unintentional, above all. She had just been worried about the girl upon seeing that her friend group was all gathered in the classroom except her. So Diana had gone searching, and was planning to offer to stay away from her friends for Akko’s sake. She was glad that things turned out the way it did, though.

“Diana?”

“Um... Akko.” She finished her job, smiling at the neat covering on her.. friend’s... hand. (They were friends now, right? At the very least...)

“Yes?” Akko seemed to notice the hesitation, and her instincts guided her to take hold of Diana’s trembling hands, encouraging her to continue.

Well this was new, Diana thought. Now or never, she supposes. A deep breath, and the floodgates opened.

“I just wondered... why... don’t you have a ring? Did you somehow lose it? Is that possible? But how? Wouldn’t you get in trouble with... everyone, I guess? Have you found your soulmate or not? If yes then I should probably just say goodbye here and, oh but not in the way you think, you might not get what I mean, but I still want to be friends-”

“Diana.”

“Yes?”

Akko’s cheeks puffed up, trying to hold it in, but ultimately failing as she burst into giggles, instinctively tucking a stray strand of hair behind Diana’s ear as she leaned forward to bump their foreheads together.

Ah, screw fate and it’s ways. Screw Diana’s soulmate that existed somewhere out there. In this one moment, she just felt so at peace, and in place, she’d deal with all the raging storms in her mind later. For now, it was just the two of them, hanging out in an infirmary, the smell of antiseptic on them, stupid words be damned.

“You’re rambling.”

//-//-//-//-//

It had been a few weeks- maybe just shy of two months- of friendship (?) with Diana, and Akko had never felt more alive in all her years. They had even spent her birthday together! Well, everyone else was there to, but... Anyway. The afternoon the question had been dropped, she had ended up explaining to the Scot her story with the ring, leaving out the detail of what it had written on it. That was a little too embarrassing for her to share yet. Baby steps.

She’d never dare ask about Diana’s ring, and she appreciated that the girl never brought up any soulmate talk that involved herself. Akko felt that it helped her cope with this one-sided love a little longer. She would no longer deny this attraction. She was so undeniably into Diana, it was crazy. She didn’t understand how teenage hormones and falling in love worked, but somehow she just knew. She felt a little apologetic to her soulmate, no longer feeling the need to search for him and her, the section of, [What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.] remaining untouched. But well... things happen sometimes.

And sometimes, you become so much of a fool that you invite the girl you are in love with, who already has a soulmate, to your house, to your room, just so she can be the first to see that portable planetarium projector you were finally able to get your hands on for an affordable deal. You wouldn’t even cry at losing months worth of saved allowance and work wages. It was all worth it, to see her entire being practically glowing in awestruck wonder as you lay on your backs on the cushioned floor, having the chance to flaunt years of star study to your crush. The impressed gazed directed at you felt so good. You could get used to this. Especially when the visage of wonder glimmering in the dear girl’s eyes was outright precious.

A Diana in awe was cute.

So much so that Akko was in awe.

“Hey Diana...”

“Hmm?”

“Do you believe in magic?”

What a strange thing to ask in that moment. That’s what Diana thought. Akko thought the same. Just what had gotten over her. Yet she still wondered, thoughts flying far off into space, just as they always did when she gazed upon the stars in the night sky- or her ceiling’s artificial one.

‘What are you saying, Akko?” Diana chuckled, right hand reaching out to grasp Akko’s, fingers lacing together. She felt her heart flip as it was squeezed tight, unaware of the inner turmoil Akko was enduring at the lack of presence of a ring on that hand. Their eyes remained trained to the glowing heavenly bodies above, stories of the past, of fate, and the like, written all over.

“Do you believe in other worlds, Diana?”

“Well, many studies propose that they indeed exist.” Diana responded.

“What about alternate universes? A completely different you out there, living a different life.”

Diana turned her head to face Akko, the brunette still facing upwards, eyes glistening with unshed tears, barely noticeable in the dim lighting; but Diana always noticed. Because it was Akko.

“Don’t you think that somewhere out there... there could be another version of us; maybe a clumsy me, and a fantastic you, saving the world with strange words not understood by the rest of the world?”

“Maybe...” Diana breathed out in a whisper, oxygen effectively stolen by the tear that slipped down shapely cheeks. The moment felt so fragile, she was afraid if she made a move, it would shatter into a million pieces, never to see the light of day.

And god forbid it happen. Diana wanted to boast this tender feeling out under the brightness of the sun, for the world to witness.

“Why do you ask?”

She listened in agony at the choked intake of air, followed by the frailest of whispers. “Because maybe... the impossible for the Kagari Atsuko here... is possible for the Akko there.”

The heiress pondered those phrases a moment. “...Impossible, like?” Diana replied in equally hushed tones, something hopeful in her pitch.

‘Like you being meant for me, and I for you.’

But Akko couldn’t just say that.

“As impossible as using magic here, maybe?” Akko laughed in a normal, in-house voice, volume not too loud, but no longer a whisper. She should just bury her illegal thoughts deep down.

“I guess so.” She deflated. What had she desired to hear anyway? “Magic does seem like an unattainable power, some unimaginable, impossible concept.” Maybe she should get ready to leave soon. There was something heavy weighing in the atmosphere and in her heart, and she did not wish for a memory as sweet as this to turn sour due to her mood.

“You think so?” Akko’s steadying voice kept her rooted in place. “What if it isn’t so impossible after all?”

“How so?”

“Well, don’t they say that when people put their minds to it, when they truly desire and wish for it with all their hearts... like how the song goes, y’know? ‘When you wish upon a star your dreams come true’, or something.”

“Like the law of attraction and manifestation?” Diana supplied. “If you think positive things, positive things will come to you. Your reality becomes better. Like that?”

“Hmmm...” Akko tapped against the back of Diana’s hand, still entwined with hers, with her index thoughtfully. “Yes, but no. Kinda, but not really...? I don’t know how to describe what I’m thinking at the moment based on existing principles. Not too good at remembering. Heck, is there a quote that already exists?”

“Why not make your own, then?” Diana proposed.

“Heh... good idea. Let me think.”

“Take your time.” Diana enjoyed the little sounds Akko made as she thought.

“Oh! I got it!”

“Hoh? And what would those words of wisdom be, Miss Kagari?”

“Ready the papers, Miss Cavendish. We’re about to make the headlines with this!” They both giggled at their antics. “Drum roll, please! Dugudugudugudugudugu....dan!”

Diana nuzzled into Akko’s shoulder, enjoying all these little sound effects, the brunette’s voice calming her gradually, lulling her to sleep.

“Just what are these magnificent words, dear Akko?” Diana was far too drowsy to notice the splash of color painted across her companions face, the shyness melting into tenderness as she felt her warmth shift closer.

“A believing heart is your magic.”

And sleep was nearly robbed of her, eyes widening in the dark, unseen by Akko as the thumb on Diana’s free hand now brushed over the engravings on her ring. It was for sure now.

“You really are... the one.”

//-//-//-//-//

Something was off about Diana today. Was it her hair? No, impeccably styled as always, that couldn’t be it. Was it her makeup for today? No, it wasn’t that either. It was still that natural looking glow that brought out her innate beauty in all the best ways possible.  Akko continued to check off boxes on her mental list, trying to figure out just what it was that was bothering her about Diana’s appearance today. Was it her clothes? But that was the uniform they wore daily! Did she... get any new jewelry? Hmm, she didn’t seem the type to wear any at school.

Then...

Was it the ring that painfully reminded Akko that the person she might be in love with was already meant for someone else? No, that couldn’t be it either. Last Akko checked, the ring was snugly fitted, definitely on... huh? The ring was... gone? No? Akko scanned Diana’s smooth looking left hand. No it wasn’t there. Not on the left, and her eyes couldn’t help but guide her hopeful soul to... ah. It really wasn’t on the left, but on the right.

Huh? That wasn’t right.

This confused Akko. Enough to make her approach Diana’s seat during lunch, tapping her attention away from her conversation with Lotte and Barbara.

“H-hey Diana, I have a question... “

“Yes?” Said girl gave Akko her full attention. There was something different about the way she smiled at Akko today as well, it seemed. Odd. Nice. But odd.

“So like... uh... W-Why is your... your ri-” Akko could feel droplets of sweat forming on her brow, threatening to trickled down the side of her face if she so much as twitched.

“Ri?”

“Why’s your ri- r....r-r- Right ear larger than your left?!”

Dainty hands shot up to cover her ears, blushing shocked and mortified. “WHAT?!”

Whoops, Akko messed up. “HAHA AHA.. KIDDING! Nah, I was messing with you!” The brunette forcibly laughed, patting Diana’s back in uneasy comfort.

“Akko, that wasn’t very nice.” Lotte scolded, and the said girl nodded, sighing.

“I know. Sorry guys.” She apologized properly, looking to Diana in particular. She received a gracious smile and a pat on the cheek, the skin underneath the ringed-hand warming speedily.

“It’s alright.”

That kindness allowed her to gather bits of courage to finally state her inquiry. Diana would answer her just fine, right? Akko had to when asked about the whereabouts of her ring. It was fair trade?

“I was just wondering, because I recalled you wearing your ring on your left hand until recently. But now it’s on your right. I guess you could say I was just curious?”

“Eh?”

“Is that so, Diana?” Hannah questioned, eyes wide. “But why would you move it in reverse? Now that you’ve actually found- mrrrpmmphhh.”

Akko shot a puzzled glance at Hannah and Barbara, the latter clasping a hand over the ginger’s mouth.

“N-nothing. You didn’t hear anything.” She covered. “You heard nothing, are we clear?” She threatened, and Akko actually shivered.

“Holy crap, your women can get so scary, Amanda.” She mentioned to the redhead seated in front of the other girls.

She heard her release a heavy sigh before getting up from her seat and turning to face the group. “It’s because you two are such a pain, that’s why. Just get it over with, Cavendish! What’s holding you back? It’s as simple as this, see? When you have a dense mofo like Akko, you just gotta give her a little push. A literal one.” And that was the only warning they got before Diana felt soft, slightly chapped lips barely missing her own, brushing against the corner of her mouth.

Akko removed herself so fast, they all worried she’d get whiplash. “S-s-s-s-s-sorry! Sorry Diana, I didn’t- it was... AMANDA!”

“I was helping.”

“You little...”

“Rather than giving me your attention, shouldn’t you talk it over with miss salad head over there?”

Akko blinked, the cogs in her mind slowly spinning, then clicked. “Did you just... insult... ah, screw you!” Akko yelled, blush burning so hot, it was hard to keep her eyes open.

Heeding Amanda’s advice nonetheless, she turned to an equally red Diana, unable to meet her eyes. Akko didn’t think her face could get any hotter than it felt right now, but at the sight of Diana’s tongue quickly swiping across her lips, Akko’s face might as well be venus.

She should at least try to say something, right? Something comforting... or witty... or clever.

“Sorry...” That would work.

“It’s alright.”

//-//-//-//-//

She stared at her invitation. Wow. Did Andrew really take her to shop for Denise’s birthday gift months before it happened? The neat script spelling out, ‘You are cordially invited’ underneath the older woman’s name with the date of the ball kind of set her nerves on fire.

She was not one for formal events. But then Denise had been nice enough to hand it in person, looking like she’d be willing to beg for Akko to come. Andrew stood behind her menacingly, a pressuring force looming in the room.

But really, how was she supposed to do this? Sure she had experience with the arts and dancing. She had wanted to be a performer at some point in her life before deciding on her current course, keeping the arts as a hobby. That covered her bases in terms of the ballroom dancing part. But as for etiquette and all that jazz, Akko had no clue. She was just a normal girl, living a normal life, having met amazing people, and... the love of her life.

She groaned in remembrance, pulling out a slip of paper, an extra entrance voucher. ‘Bring a plus one’, Denise had said. Well... that wouldn’t be a problem, Akko supposed. Maybe... She could always ask Diana.

The thought of the girl set flurries of butterflies wild in her stomach, face warming up along with her heart. She fiddled with the band situated around her left ring finger. She was still getting used to it, the metal feeling awkward in that spot. That’s just what she gets for never wearing it all these years. Kind of a nuisance, if she were being honest; but... at the same time... it was a reminder that...

[“So you’re... my soulmate...”

“Looks like it.”

“Did you... know about it?” She watched fluffy hair bounce along with the bobbing of a shy girl’s head. “How long...?”

“I had a feeling right from when we met... then confirmed it after you first showed me your planetarium.”

“...that’s a few weeks back.”

“You’re just so slow.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It really is now.”]

“AAAAHHHH!!” Akko hollered, ridding herself of the embarrassed tension in her body. “Hnnnggghhh...” Holding in all her squeals, she flew onto her bed, hugging a pillow tight and rolling about. Maybe she should call Diana right now, if only to hear her voice. Oh, and she should just pop the question while she’s at it, the invitation.

A few rings, one, two, three fo-

[“Hello?”]

“Did you know I love your voice? It was the first thing I fell in love with, ever since you saved me from the clutches of death.” She couldn’t hold back the adoration she felt for the Englishwoman any longer.

[“Oh my god, Akko. Did you really just call me so you could be such a sap?”]  Her giggle was always the best, Akko reveled.

“No~, or kind of yes, but not entirely.”

[“Is that so?”] Diana teased through the line.

“Don’t believe me?”

[“Of course I do! After all... it’s my magic.”]

“Who’s the sap now.”

[“I learned only from the best.”]

“Amanda?”

[“YOU, you idiot!”] Akko laughed at the reaction, squealing inwardly in delight. Diana’s laughter alongside hers died down, the phone going silent for a bit. And then, [“You’re the best.”].

Akko just couldn’t handle it.

“I love you.”

[“I love you too, sweetheart.”]

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

[“I love you more.”]

“I love you! I love you! I love you!”

[“I love you more than anything in this world.”]

Akko was not crying.

“I love you... be my plus one?”

[“...”]

[“Always.”]

//-//-//-//-//

“My baby... so grown up now and looking all gorgeous.” Mrs. Kagari wiped a tear from her eye, admiring her daughter in a russet-toned gown, sleeveless, with a low dip in the back, fitting, and at the same time, flowing off her frame and onto the floor. It was simple, yet elegant. It matched well with Akko’s hair; usual bangs side-swept, signature ponytail gone, her long brown hair slightly curled and hanging off on one shoulder, exposing the other. All this topped with a little make-up, and even Andrew commended this picture of Akko that could pass as part of high society.

“Shall we?” He held out an arm for her to take, door open with a car waiting right outside. Akko’s father sobbed loudly, holding onto his wife for dear life.

“M-Mama! MY BABY! MY BABY IS BEING TAKEN AWAY BY SOME RICH YOUNG BRAT WHO JUST LOOKS GOOD, AND IS A LITTLE SMART, AND OWNS A HOSPITAL.”

“Well, don’t those sound like amazing specs.” Akko’s mama laughed, consoling the poor man. “You sound like a father sending his daughter off to meet her groom.”

“I AM.”

“But Diana-chan is so cute, though?”

“Man or woman, whoever takes my baby away from me and ends up hurting her... they will never see the light of the afterlife.”

Diana felt a chill run up her spine as she waited in the car.

“Oh, hush you. You’re overreacting.”

“AM I?!”

“Byebye, papa. I’ll be home soon. Love you~ Love you more, Mama!”

“Ah- bye, my darling daughter, my baby, my sun, light of my world, my angel!”

“You can stop embarrassing her now, darling.”

//-//-//-//-//

“Akko, don’t be so stiff.” Diana whispered into the girl’s ear, a hand caressing the small of her back to ease away the nerves. “You’ll be fine. Just think of it as any old party.”

“E-e-e-easy for you t-to say. You g-grew up with th-this.” Akko retorted, a hand with some champagne shakily approaching her lips.

“Really, you’re too high-strung.” The blonde sighed, pointing to Akko’s best friends. “Look at Lotte and Sucy, they look normal.”

Akko glared at her best friends who seemed to be enjoying themselves without a worry in the world. Oh, golly, what a treat. Maybe she shouldn’t have offered their extra tickets to them so she wouldn’t feel as bitter.

“Hey.” A flick was sent to her forehead. “No mean thoughts.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Di.A. NAAAA~” Here came a wild Denise, flying through the air to hug an alarmed Diana, barely catching her. It would appear as thought they were good friends, and Denise, not knowing anything about the relationship between her two dear bosom buddies, had sent them each an invitation with the hopes of bringing a plus one to introduce to her (so she could tease them about it), all the while, being kept in the dark that their plus one just so happened to be each other.

Which also explained the extra tickets that had gone to Lotte and Sucy. Akko was afraid it would be rude to just hand them away, but Diana reassured her it would be just fine. They both knew how kind-hearted and open-minded Denise was anyway.

“M-miss Walsh... please let me breathe.”

“Diana~ It’s Denise!”

“D-Denise... please... my airways...”

With greetings out of the way (Akko being squeezed to death as well, to be fair), the announcement were made, and the party commenced, music playing as the floor opened for the dances.

...

Akko swore she was a good dancer. Really! She was the ace of their studio. She could dance almost anything after learning it over the course of a few weeks at most, and so few days at the very least. So she couldn’t understand just how she’d suddenly acquired two left feet, constantly, and clumsily stepping on poor Diana’s feet.

One step. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

Another miss. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“S-sorry!”

“...”

“Oh my gosh, I really am sorry!”

“I-it’s quite alright...”

“...”

“Wanna get some fresh air?”

“Pleasured.”

//-//-//-//-//

The Walsh’s family gardens were certainly award winning, Akko admired. As someone with a hobby in that field, this was a dream come true, to see such stellar workmanship. With flowers o’er the earth, and stars up above, the moon reflecting ripples into a still, small lake just a few yards down, it was the picture of beauty.

Yet nothing could compare to Diana by her side. Akko admired the way the woman’s gown clung to her curves in all the right places, how midnight blue reminded her of the skies they were under, and the dear stars in the heiress eyes sparkled ever brighter. How the earrings that dangled sparkling silver matched Akko’s own, only in gold, how her hair was fixed to the side as well, a portion of her bangs tucked neatly behind her ear, held back by a pin Akko had gotten her recently.

Akko was transfixed, as though she were under a witch’s spell. A very gorgeous, kind-hearted, hardworking, and sincere witch. A woman she loved with every fiber of her being, with the entirety of her heart.

She watched the moonlight caress ivory skin, glistening under its kind rays. Akko wanted to do so as well. Touch it, and know she was real and not just a figment of her imagination.

“I love you.” She murmured, reaching forward, arms wrapped around a slim waist, lips pressing against a bare shoulder. “I love you.”

Diana hummed, hands resting over Akko’s latched on to her abdomen. “Dance with me, Love.” She beckoned, leading them to sway under the night sky, the crickets and the breeze playing them a song of romance solely for their rapture.

The moon as their only witness, they vowed silent words, moving along the area, spinning, swaying, dancing, laughing, smiling, crying.

Akko never felt as lucky as she did in this moment. She was beyond fortunate. This moment she’d never forget, a memory never to be destroyed all her life, reminding her that she was blessed.

Blessed, and still a little foolish.

“I still don’t get it, you know. Why ‘cabbage’?”

Diana laughed into the tranquil night. Slapping Akko’s bare arm in fondness. “Did you really just ask that? Now of all times? With a romantic mood set up like this?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You are amazing, Kagari Atsuko. I love you to death, really I do... but are you seriously still hung over that?” She inquired, spinning her fated partner about, bringing her back in close. “Does it have to make sense? Isn’t it enough to know that you’re meant to be mine, and I’m forever yours?”

Akko returned that tender smile, leaning up to place a kiss against Diana’s throat. “Well, yeah, I guess; but... like... doesn’t that defeat the rings’ purpose, then?”

“Does it matter?”

“...It doesn’t. Not anymore. Not when you’re by my side, because that’s all that matters.”

“Great answer.”

“Diana?”

“Hmmm? What is it now?” Diana asked, amused that the peaceful mood didn’t look like it would settle back down anytime soon.

“For ruining the moment.... sorry.” All Akko’s laughing refuted that statement. Diana knew they both didn’t regret it one bit. Not at all. So with a smile only meant for her world nestled in her arms, leaning down and closing the gap bit-by-bit, what else could Diana reply with except,

“...It’s alright.”

And they saw stars.

//-//-//-//-//

This... was an unexpected development.

“...Wanna come over?”

“I’d love to.”

Cold, soaked and dropped off by the Cavendish’s service car, they made their way up the drive way, Akko fumbling for her house keys in the wee hours of the morning.

“Sorry, I really didn’t expect it to rain when I invited you out.”

“It’s fine, it wasn’t something within our control at all. The night looked perfectly clear, too.”

Flipping on the lights by the threshold, Akko guided Diana in, drenched shoes flying off, but immediately retrieved and set to the side to drip properly. They’d have to clean and dry those tomorrow better, but for now, a bath of warmth was in order.

Akko had insisted Diana take one first, but ever the gentlewoman, Diana did not move an inch until she was absolutely certain Akko would be alright. Her strongest argument stood to be, “Just who was it that I had to take to the hospital upon our first encounter.”, and Akko could only pout, begrudgingly accepting her defeat and warming herself a bath, but not without leaving Diana a towel and a temporary change of clothes so she wouldn’t get chills.

As Akko tagged Diana with a kiss to the lips, switching places after drawing the girl a fresh warm bath, she made her way to the kitchen, deciding to make them some vegetable soup to warm them up from the inside. Would Diana like that too?

Choosing and gathering her ingredients, she began prepping, chopping up everything as her water in the pot was brought to a boil.

It didn’t take her long at all to finish. By the time the food was ready, Diana was back downstairs, clad in one of Akko’s oversized shirts and pajama bottoms. It did strange things to Akko’s dear heart. On Diana’s part, just the sight of her future wife (she was a woman with a vision for tomorrow) preparing her a meal, fresh from a bath, in their own little world... How could she not fall deeper in love? So in love that she could just kiss her!

And she did just that.

Walking up to the shorter girl, Diana coaxed her into warm arms, a hand making its way into brunette strands, entangling them around her fingers, ring shining amidst them. This was bliss. This was everything to her.

This was everything to Akko. Everything she’d hoped for and wanted, and even more.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Soft. A little salty, maybe the soup’s seasoning. Warm and gentle, yet pressured and emotional. Tenderly passionate, and passionately tender, their lips danced a song that they’d forever remember.

And as they sat down to eat, seated in front of each other, they motioned for cheers with their chopsticks, a leafy green clipped between one pair.

And that’s when Akko realized that it all made perfect sense.

The rings weren’t wrong, and the words would always be right.

“Ah...

Cabbage.”

~end.

A/N: Can you believe it? All that, just so I could say in the end, “Cabbage”. Honestly, Akko is so slow. Somehow I’m not quite satisfied with this, and maybe I should’ve gone with a different approach or piece, or simply edited my original plan to fit safely within the guidelines, but... Idk. Maybe I’m as much of a fool as Akko, that way. Was it worth the thousands of bothersome words to read? Haha. Feedback is appreciated, as always. Hope you enjoyed.

~Shintori Khazumi

[creepweirdo]

OOOO @newyearknwwme tagged me in this cute little tag game 🥺🥺🥺❤️ it was so much fun ❤️❤️❤️ THANK YOU

(ALSO guys im so sorry for the lack of emojis i drafted this in word kjsadfljashdf)

why did you choose your url?

hahahhaha ive been in the habit of saving funny urls ever since tfatw came out jsdhflkjshdf and the “she lived she served cunt then she died” meme was making the rounds and i wanted a url based of that and surprisingly it wasn’t taken !!!! also i’m addicted to changing my url i need help-

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah ahahahahahah i have a cdrama/fandom blog @imaprettyboy and then i have a joji blog where i make gifs shkflahsdkjfhskdj lol i am not gonna promo it JKHDLKJH but omg im fighting with the blog at the moment bc my gifs are not showing up in the joji tag :((( it’s a calculated move against me i know it

how long have you been on tumblr?

since the start of 2015 maybe ???? i had another account but deleted it and started fresh on here at the end of 2016. LMAO it started as a twd and yuri on ice blog khjhfdlsh my blog archive is so funny sometimes i look at it and laugh

do you have a queue tag?

hhahaha noooo. LMAOOOOOO vee’s answer is pretty much the same as me sldfhlakjhd i only recently figured out how the even do it and i think i prefer to reblog a million things at once ,,,, however i have been known to schedule things every now and then kasdfhlkjhd

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started this once bc i think i took a break from tumblr for like a week after i deleted my old one but i missed it AJHDKJAHSjfhkdjhlk

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! i’ve had this icon for uhhhhh maybe like 2 weeks now ?? originally i think i found the screenshot in someone’s twitter replies but the other day i giffed and coloured the little scene and took a screenshot from that and now this one is a bit more RED !! but yeah leo @thisisagaysonlyevent sums it up when he described zuko as my main girl and yeah <3

why did you choose your header?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! but yeah !! it used to just be that screenshot but i giffed it the other day <3333 i love it so much sometimes i just stare at my blog and watch him move hahaha

what’s your post with the most notes?

oh hahahahah i think its an umbrella academy one about klaus being gay and not being able to drive LMFAO. i kind of hate the post KJHDLJHFJHDskjdh it was a notes grab i will admit

how many people do you follow?

as of 11/6/2021 i follow 389 people kjshdflkjshdfkjhd i used to follow like 1000+ ,,,,,, but i was always missing my beloved mutuals’ posts so i cut it down sjdhflh the only downside is that the dash gets really really dead certain times of the day 

have you ever made a shitpost?

lmao i think it is my brand

how often do you use tumblr?

stop OMG skjhflkjhadskjfh this is so embarrassing ,,,, like a lot. its my main social media hahahah. i used to use instagram and tumblr equally but not so much anymore ,,,,

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

LMAO vee’s answer to this made me laugh so hard bc SAME. i have never fought with people online for real but ive had dreams about it to HAAHHAHAHAH i’m crazy

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

hmmmm it depends – i don’t like the condescending or guilt tripping ones

do you like tag games?

yes i do and i appreciate every single tag ive had but im a terrible person and procrastinate them. ive got a lot in my drafts from like months ago which i will get around to one day im sorry <3

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? 

lmao this year ive learnt that SO MANY of my mutuals are famous kjshdflhsdf its actually so crazy i didn’t know people could have that many followers on tumblr KJKDLJSHFKJHF. also ahhaha vee said that she think im famous which sajkfhdljhdf i will say this year i’ve like doubled the amount of followers i had this time last year but servingcunt is still pretty niche underground if you know you know grungecore pickle rick kafkaesque et cetera et cetera

do you have a crush on a mutual? 

im for real in love with all my mutuals <3 ily

last song i listened to

okay technically it’s the song vee put bc i clicked the link and it opened on my spotify web browser and started playing jkhsfljdhfk but the one before that is the new doja cat song – need to know !!! 

my phone bg and lockscreen

LMAO ill put some screenshots LKJHFKJHD the lock screen and home screen really don’t go together ,,,, gemini moment

tagging

lmao only do this if you guys want to <333

@sluthonorific @highwarlockkareena @beefleef​ (even tho vee tagged you alreadyyy sjkfhjhs) @nicholasbraungf​ @thisisagaysonlyevent​ @roombagreyjoy​ @sharkentine​ @doctorfeathers​ @softpluto​ @bucxkybarnes​ @katsstratford​

[artpharos]

prev anon again, oh god I am *mortified* with embarrassment on realizing how long ago you actually posted that fic- the tumblr app absolutely sucks and makes it hard to find posts' dates, and when i clicked on your post, even after refreshing the page, it stayed at the top so i just assumed it was your most recent one or that you had reblogged it recently so it was on your mind, like, at all oh my god i am so sorry hahaha

i can totally understand being shy to post it, hearing about that whole situation i know i'd be SOOO embarrassed if that happened to me (see above lol) so if you don't want to that's totally okay! but in that case would it be alright if i took a screenshot of it to save it? finding any content for shulk/melia, let alone one SO GOOD, is extremely rare so i like to keep a folder of things to look back through when it's a desert haha. if you're not comfortable with that though i'd completely understand!

as for the whole sequel thing... again, totally embarrassed by realizing now how old the prompt list actually is and you 100% don't have to write anything at all if you don't want to or (especially) if you're busy! i'm currently ~~procrastinating~~ on hiatus myself so i completely understand and there's no pressure at all to write anything! but if you ever do, i am so there and would love to read it :)

thank YOU for writing such a nice fic and such a kind response to my ask! and again i'm so sorry for... everything lol

Please don't be! Yeah tumblr is kinda weird and I think that fic got bumped up because someone liked and reblogged it... idk sometime within the last three months? But yeah it's not your fault for not noticing the date! Also it's been a hot minute since I've written any prompts and truth be told I was thinking I'd get back to it maybe next year, so I'll definitely write the shulkxmelia prompts then! I've already slapped the prompts onto a google doc so I mean... I already went through all the trouble of digging out the prompt list so I may as well write it LOL (no guarantees that they'd be sequels to my previous fic tho)

And yeah it's going to take me a while to like think up a fic summary and title because god those are the hardest part of posting a fic but I know being shy about posting my stuff on ao3 is something ridiculous and I'll have to get over it eventually LOL

In the meantime, yeah you can totes just take a screenshot if you want! And thanks for being so sweet over everything! It's really nice to hear that people enjoy my writing ngl sdgdsfsdgfsd

[bearbaitmegs]

I know I don’t have a lot of active followers here, but I’ve been going though some major changes in my life recently (both good and/or disorienting), and one of the things I am aiming to achieve with that is to reestablish myself online in some small way. Just casually, socially. I used to enjoy interacting and making friends online and some of my oldest friends remain people that I met through the web.

I hope these sporadic personal posts don’t bother you.

I think part of these changes that I’m aspiring to involve getting into the habit of simply posting more. I honestly am unsure of where to migrate to online outside of Tumblr. I’ve ditched Facebook except to check on businesses I’m planning on visiting and occasionally to sell something. I’m only on Snapchat and Instagram to follow one person. I haven’t logged into DeviantArt in almost 10 years. Yahoo 360 is long gone. Adjusting to Discord has been a slow and lurking process because it reminds me of some particularly haunting memories and it lacks most topics I’d be interested in (publicly, at least). Twitter never fit right. I refuse to engage with people on Ao3 or ffn because I’m very hesitant to engage with people who has the same media interests as I do because I’ve had far too much fandom-related trauma and drama and I still have trouble forming friend groups despite 9 years of distance

My brother has an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder and it has often felt like his drama has been my defining feature for almost 2 years. I have gotten tired of carrying his monkey into all of my relationships and conversations, especially when trying to make new ones. I wish I had custody of my nephew because he and his ex are both sucky and neglectful, but all I can do is wait until the kid turns 18 or asks about emancipation. My brother deliberately seeks out relationships that renew and reinforce his past traumas in order to legitimize his unwillingness to move on and I hold him at least partially responsible for our parents’ decline in emotional, financial, and physical health. I recently opted to go for No Contact/Very Low Contact with him and it’s been freeing and refreshing and I feel immensely happier and more motivated. 

I frequently feel like I don’t have anything worth saying or cannot really think of anything to say. It’s a work in progress. I have always carried a sense of awkwardness and that continues to persist into my 30s, despite the fact that I generally consider myself a confident person. I’ve been in a romantic relationship for 5 years and it fulfills 95% of my social and emotional needs, which... I think has led to leaving many of my other relationships to pasture.

Instinctively, I want to reach out and rectify all of these relationships all at once. Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and in trying to pace myself I find I often procrastinate. I set myself a goal of reaching out to a friend per week, but it’s more like one every two weeks. I know some of us will pick up where we left off like we’ve never been apart. Some of my friends will have moved on and our re-connection will separate again because we’re just different now and I’m honestly not bothered by that. It’s normal. I just hesitate because I don’t know where to start even though the script should be so easy. I feel annoying and needy. “Hey, I hope you’re well! I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was thinking of you today every day.” Ugh.

I’m pretty financially, mentally, and physically stable and have been for a while. I like my job and I’m paid very well! I like me! I like my hobbies and my apartment! I’ve worked very hard to get here and there’s really only a few key things I want to improve upon.

But somehow I feel like I’m rediscovering myself again. Like I was shut out of something and didn’t even realize there was a door. I’ve missed something. I’m naturally comfortable alone and tend to be willfully obtuse about things that don’t involve me only to get startled by them later.

I moved back to my hometown 2 years ago in order to introduce my partner to my family and be around for some major family events. It was supposed to be a 4 month summer visit. The family drama just never stopped and I’m just...still here. I can’t wait to leave, but I also don’t resent my hometown as much as I did when I left. It’s changing immensely, but so am I. I definitely won’t be able to afford to stay.

I had a patio garden over the summer and, while we hardly got our money’s worth out of it, it was pretty and tasty and fulfilling. A few of the plants are overwintering with us.

I still haven’t lived somewhere that allows me a pet, but I keep saving stray cats. 

I have way more fabric than I know what to do with from old clothes and dead ideas, but I finally tuned up my sewing machine and bought a set of sewing machine feet and I have lots of plans and ideas that I just need to sit down and actually execute. Especially embroidery.

I finally spent the damn $70 on an old school drawing tablet and took the time to download some free art programs. A modern tablet is still too much to budget for and a mouse and MS Paint is not enough. I do not know why it took me 10 freaking years when I’ve spent far more money on far less desirable luxuries.

I am hoping to find a decent enough mountain bike at a manageable price to do a long-distance cycling trip next year. If I don’t, I’ll divert to hiking a long-distance trail. I’ve never stopped craving spending weeks and weeks out in the woods with an overstuffed backpack since my first trek in 2016. I’m willing to go out of my way and budget hard to make it a reality on an annual basis.

I’m slowly picking away at my original story, JatGSL, a 10+ year Work In Progress, and I finally have a setting and characters that I feel good about and have a lot of fun imagining. I’m afraid to say much about it. It has dying androids and mushrooms and mythology and domesticated seals and braille and it takes place on a melted Antarctica. But my writing is a muscle long neglected and I don’t know if I’ll ever really get it back.

I sometimes think about moving some of my old fanfics over to Ao3 so they won’t be lost, but my old penname carries weight I’d rather not pick up and I don’t want to add anything else to JKR’s legacy and some of the things I wrote when I was 17-22 have aged pretty poorly. So, I hesitate and debate and do nothing.

I keep having simple, but neat ideas that nobody out in the market seems to be doing/making, but I lack the connections and knowledge to do anything with them.

My romantic partner is an amazingly perfect fit. Absolutely well-fitting, in-sync, mind-blowingly complementary in every way. I increasingly worry it might not last because my partner has 1 (ONE) key issue that I just can’t live with long term and if they can’t figure out a healthy way to cope I don’t know if I can go another 5 years dealing with it. I grew up with it. I won’t live with it.

It often feels odd to talk about myself (even here. even now) because I feel so much happier than I seem to be describing myself.

[ais-for-alex]

The Scars of Our Past: Chapter 2

Hi hello, so I’ve been procrastinating doing this for awhile now but I wanted to link each individual chapter of this story so that it’s easier to read but as I was searching I realized there are a lot of chapters that never actually got posted to tumblr. Anyway please don’t mind the spam of old chapters I’m just trying to get everything all in one place 🥰

Two hours earlier: The Lions locker room

Finn was currently sitting in his stall, slowly and methodically placing each of his belongings into his old beaten-up duffle bag.

If someone had asked if he was stalling, Finn would have denied it vehemently and claimed he was just making sure he had everything, as if he didn’t come to the rink every single day. Inside though Finn knew very well he was stalling. By this point the entire team had left the rink to go home to their families, and their partners. Or maybe he should say most of the team. As aside from Finn there was one other Lion left in the locker room, and currently he was wrapped in nothing but a towel slung low around his hip. Finn could practically feel his heartbeat increase when he caught a glimpse of the deep grooves of muscles and the dark thatch of hair leading downward on Logan’s body. Not that he looked, he wasn’t supposed to look.

“What are you still doing here Harzy?” Logan asked, running his hand through his damp hair that was just beginning to form the soft curls he always trapped under a hat.

Finn jumped at the sound of Logan’s voice causing his air pods case to fall from between his fingers and clatter to the ground, “Oh, nothing just cleaning out my stall, I had a bunch of junk building up I needed to take home.”

Logan nodded accepting the answer as he went to pull on a pair of jeans. Don’t look, Finn berated himself and looked away from Logan dressing to snag his air pods off the floor. When he glanced back up Logan had also pulled on a heather grey thermal that looked incredibly soft and stretched tight across his broad chest, he had it pushed up his strong forearms.

“How’s the shoulder?” Finn asked just as Logan shoved a burgundy Lions snapback over his curls only leaving them peeking out here and there beneath it. “It didn’t look like you hit the boards too hard but Loops kept you for so long?”

Logan gave him a soft smile, one that made it abundantly clear that he knew that this was exactly why Finn was still at the rink, that he knew Finn was worried about him.

“Yeah, it was less the hit today and more the one from our last game,” Logan hand came up to rub absentmindedly at his shoulder.

“Really? It’s still bothering you?” Finn asked stepping closer to Logan who was leaning against the wall of his stall, his hand reaching out slightly like he wanted to touch.

“Mmh, Loops said it should be fine for the game on Saturday. I just need to baby it a bit,” Logan said looking up at Finn, his green eyes bright.

Finn couldn’t help it, everything in him was calling out to touch. He let his hand settle on Logan’s bicep, the muscle was warm and solid under his palm. Logan took a breath as he let his hand drop away from his sore shoulder and felt Finn's own slide up to replace it. Finn watched as Logan’s eyes fluttered closed and his head rolled backwards to rest on the wall at the feeling of Finn's fingers gently kneading the tender muscle, his breath hitching when his thumb stroked the soft warm skin on the side of his neck. Finn took another step forward until their bodies were barely inches from each other.

“Lo?” Finn whispered his name like a question. A question for what he wasn’t entirely sure; but he knew he ached for the answer. Logan’s beautiful eyes blinked open hazily as Finn slid his hand up even further to cup his jaw, Logan’s skin was warm beneath his touch. For one precious moment Logan pressed back into his palm like he was craving the contact just as much as Finn was. All too soon though a dark wall slammed down behind his eyes as Logan took a sharp breath and ducked out from under Finn.

“I- um- I… left my- left my phone… on the bench,” Logan stammered out as he stumbled away from Finn and towards the locker room door.

Finn felt his heart sink like an anchor to the bottom of the ocean as he watched Logan retreating. Suddenly he felt a burning heat run through him, and he was irrationally angry. Why did Logan get to run away without so much as an explanation? If Logan truly didn’t have feelings for him Finn could understand, he could let him go. But when he gets that look in his eyes, Finn can feel it in the very way he breathes that Logan feels something too. Emboldened by his hurt and anger Finn followed Logan’s retreating form walking towards the ice.

“When are you going to stop running away from me!” he cried, his voice caught somewhere between a shout and a whisper.

Logan froze at the mouth of the tunnel leading to the ice, Finn could see the tense set of his shoulders as he suddenly rounded to face him.

“Quand j'arrête de t'aimer autant, ça fait mal de respirer à l'idée de toi,” he said in rapid French, his voice sounded horse and clogged with emotion that Finn couldn’t understand because he refused to tell him.

“That’s not fair,” his voice dropped to a hurt whisper, “you know I don’t understand,” Finn said his anger dissolving at the broken look Logan hid by turning away again and walking out to the ice. Finn huffed, shaking his head in exasperation but followed. Stepping out into the open Finn could hear the swish of skates on the ice but he didn’t care, he only had eyes for the man standing at the board. Making his way closer, Finn had every intention of convincing Logan to finally just talk to him, let him off this emotional Mary-go-round they had been stuck on for years. However, the moment he settled at Logan’s side, Finn let his gaze follow the other man’s eyes to see a tall lean figure moving across the ice like he was born to do it.

He was stunning. All long limbs extended and arched gracefully, the breeze of his movements making the soft cardigan he wore flutter around him. His body moved like a river; smooth and languid as he glided backwards around the rink, swirling clear whirlpools as he arched his back and spun so fast, he was nearly a blur, white water rapids as he jumped, touched down and jumped again. Finn felt like he was drowning in it, like the cold clear water had pulled him under and nestled him amongst the sandy river bottom holding him down as it flowed over him.

Finn couldn’t help the small gasps pulled from his throat each time the man propelled himself into what looked like an effortless jump. If he didn’t know any better Finn would swear the man was flying. It felt like he had been watching for an eternity and yet it wasn’t nearly long enough, because all too soon the man glided to a halt at center ice. His back arched and an arm reaching up like he wanted to catch the sun in his fingertips the other was curled into his chest as if he was protecting his heart from the dangerers of the world. Finn breathed in sharply and looked down at Logan as he began clapping with abandon, Finn joining in only a moment later. The man looked up at the sound of their clapping and began skating over to them.

“Hey y’all, while I appreciate the applause; this is actually a closed rehearsal,” his voice dripped like honey, sweet and thick, Finn wanted to taste it on those plush lips that were curled in a slightly rueful smile.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but y’ain’t supposed to be in here,” Finn sincerely doubted that this man could be rude even if he tried. His face was soft with a faint golden tone that coupled with his blond curls gave him the appearance of being the very sun shining down on them.

“Oh- um- sorry,” Finn stuttered out because apparently the sight of sky-blue eyes had robbed him of the ability to string together a proper sentence, he bit his lip in irritation that he couldn’t have said something a bit more eloquent.

“Yeah, sorry we didn’t mean to interrupt. I left my… phone on the bench after practice,” Finn heard Logan say somewhat breathlessly. At least he wasn’t the only one who seemed to be affected by the stunning man towering over them, “we saw you on the ice and just couldn’t look away.”

Finn could have sworn that the man's pretty pink flush deepened at Logan’s praise, “Yeah, that was breathtaking,” he added finally regaining his voice, “I’m Finn by the way, and this is Logan.”

“Nice to meet y’all I’m-“

“Leo!” the man flinched and looked over at a tall woman standing at the opposite side of the rink.

“Busy. I’m sorry I gotta go and so do you,” the next moment the man had begun skating away from them.

“I’m- I’m gonna go home, back to Dumo’s,” Logan said quietly before turning to walk away from Finn for the third time that day.

“Lo wait,” Finn called out, and Logan paused to look up at him. The look in his eyes made something break inside Finn's heart, it was so desperately sad and yet at the same time pleading with Finn not to push at this thing between them, “I can drive you back, yeah?”

Logan breathed a soft sigh of relief and grinned sadly at him before nodding and heading into the locker room to grab his things.

French Translation: When I stop loving you so much, it hurts to breathe at the thought of you.

Read on ao3

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

[startingtoenjoylife]

tfm2020 - finally...

Late as usual but here I am (sorry for the loooooong post):

Week one

11/1     - Tell us about who you are, why you are doing this challenge and what you     hope to get from it.

44 year old working mom, divorced, in a happy relationship since some years now. This challenge – as my whole “tumblr” relation is fitness or wellbeing based (lost it a bit with the US elections).

My main goal here though is to actually reflect more on myself which I find difficult without any inputs from outside.

I will probably still not post daily but hope to keep track!

11/2     - Are you a “get it done” person or do you procrastinate a lot? Are you     happy with this or do you want to change?

Depends on what it is… Like this challenge, I told myself constantly (seeing other peoples posts) to start but as I mainly use tumblr on my phone (not now!) it seemed so challenging to get those post typed in (mind, I am not a digital native) and this is a very good example of my personality:

is it easily done? No problem – are there obstacles to overcome? Procrastination at its best (and after getting it done some facepalm as it was done in no time ☹)

11/3     - Are you a planner or do you prefer to roll with things as they come     along? Has this approached worked for you?

I like to plan ahead if possible and yes it works for me, as I am a person who doesn’t like to loose control.

11/4     - How has Covid impacted your ability to stay on task? Are there any     positives of this situation that you can take advantage of?

Covid has less impacted my daily life than others – here the kids went back to school after 2 months and a short lockdown it felt not too harsh. Sport outside is/was possible and I really go to focus. But I miss climbing as everything is closed!

Workwise: I can work from home which serves me well.

Social life: I am more of an introvert and don’t have a busy social life but I miss being spontaneous as i.e. going to get coffee or going to the movies.

11/5     - What are some of your goals for the rest of the year? What about for     2021?

Staying healthy!

2021: keeping up the fitness schedule I have since august 2020 and improve my running pace.

11/6     -  What are some of your unique challenges and how do you plan to     overcome them? Do you have any unique advantages?

Challenging for me is generally keeping on track – if I stop doing something for more than 2 days I tend to leave it completely. Like two weeks ago we went away, and I had no possibility to run. It was very hard to get back into the habit.

11/7     - Do you have any experiences with goal setting? Tell us about your     experiences with it, both positive and negative.

Not specifically SMART based but I guess as I really suck sticking to something (usually 2 weeks are fine and then I tend to slack and give up). I also rely heavily on external motivation (since I got my polar in august I stuck to running).

 Week 2

·        11/8 - Share something that motivates you. It can be a person, a movie, a song, a quote - anything that speaks to you. Tell us about it and why it is important to you. 

YOU DO YOU – I have taken a long time to actually become as self-confident as I am now and feel fine doing something not everybody agrees with and stand up for it.

·        11/9 Today I am asking you to think long term. What does success look like for you? How will you know when you have “made it?” 

Accomplishment comes either when I “close a book” and can put something completely out of my mind or more generally when I get to the point I feel happy looking back. It still doesn’t mean I “made it” over all as there will always be room for improvement.

·        11/10 - Have you ever used SMART goals before? Tell us about it. See here for details.  

No. Although we work a lot with SMART at work, I find it very challenging to find the right words… (without inputs from others) and there come procrastination 😉

·        11/11-  On 11/5 you talked about some of your goals for 2021. Let’s take this goal and flush it out using the SMART format. (You are always welcome to use a different format if you prefer.) 

a)     Until 12/31 I will run 3-4 times weekly, work once a week on my core (> 30min) and follow a yoga online class (40-60 min) once a week.

b)     In the next 2 weeks I will support my son in calling one (if necessary several) company and asking if he can go looking into the job/place for several days. We will do so until he finds the dates he can go.

 ·        11/12 - Looking at your 2021 goals, what is one step you can take today in that direction? Describe it here. 

I have already done my strength exercise (45min) for today – go find some yoga classes online that are challenging (I did a vinyasa class from “breathe and flow” this week -> suggestions are welcome!)

·        11/13 - Report back on the step(s) you took yesterday toward your 2021 goal. 

a)     I ran 1h.

b)     I told m7y son that we have to get going and I will help him with his first call – he said he wants to do it himself! Today we will rehearse what he wants to say as he calls.

 ·        11/14 -If you had to offer the group one tip about goal setting or accountability, what would it be?

Stay realistic and be honest with yourself – if you know something is not for you (for me these very rigid challenges) don’t do it as you are bound to fail. There are different ways to reach your goal – you do you.

[imagine-your-kh]

✬ I’m Back ! ✬

Oh gosh, it took way more time than what I expected, I’m sorry.

Okay, I have a few things to say, so let’s dive in... !

It will be open this Sunday ! Please check the Rules before sending any !

I will try to use a countdown that will be linked in the post to show how much time is left... ! This will be a test to see how it goes, you’re free to tell me if you like this idea or not... !

I will try a few things, slowly, so if it doesn’t please you, don’t be scared to speak out... !

Like I said before, I will try a countdown system for the MatchUp when it’s open. For now I’m hesitating between 24 hours of open MatchUp or more; we’ll see Sunday. I don’t know if it will stay or not, if I won’t need to close the MatchUp before the end of the countdown or something, depending how the test goes... !

I will try a few things for the design of the blog : changing the Pages of the Global HC (relationship and nsfw), some pictures, the divider, ... I want changes. So don’t be surprise if you notice a few things here and there in the following month(s) ! Again, don’t be scared to give your opinion.

I remembered there was a Chrome extension to change the y/n by your name. I always tried to avoid these ‘code’ because it break the flow of the text to me, but are you interested by more “y/n” to play with Chrome’s add-ons ? I wanted to try the html code to make it possible on my blog (without add-on), but it’s annoying to me to add it in my post everytime and breaking the formatting (that the new design of Tumblr make me upset already). If you know a Firefox version of it, please tell me... !

Long story short : I got little problem after little problem after my huge surgery in August. Next week there will be the (normally) last fix...

On the top of that, we learned that my mother has leukemia. She’s actually on the hospital. She got better and better now, but there were some bad time.

Now if you want the long story, it’s under the cut

It ended that she was waking up late, came in the sofa waiting for the energy to kick in and... It didn’t. She was sleeping all day long in the sofa or in her bed. 

My father and I insisted for her to see a doctor, but she hates it, tries to avoid medicines, and she had a very very strong contradictory mind.

She did, the doctor taking blood.

Leukemia.

Since then, she’s at the hospital.

My father and I were left alone in the house and let me tell you a few (shameful) things :

- My mom was taking care of the house mostly on her own. I was helping her here and there, but not much because she wasn’t pleased how I was doing it, the result, “I can do it” or as kindness to give me peace. With the fact she has a very strong contradictory mind, she also become very aggressive when we insist. I grew up with her, my fear of conflict probably came from this, but in any case I never insisted because I didn’t wanted to fight for something so trivial and using energy for a fight I would never win in the end. So what happened when my mom goes to the hospital? I became the housewife. In a house that isn’t organized in my way (fun fact : it’s organized “where I found place” word my mother) and that I can’t reorganized like I want because my mother will come back, of course. But there weren’t just about that, she was also taking care of the papers. The food. The first weeks my father and I were just running everywhere to know where the papers were, what we needed to take care of (my mother knew when she needed to sent papers and wasn’t telling to us so we got a few surprises for example) and the freaking food. I’m ashamed that we ended to throw food away because we were trying to cook what we had, but a few elements were supposed to make a (complicated for us) meal or that we thought we were out of and it wasn’t. This running in circle for weeks was stressful and I ended to do the most. And guess what? I ended at the hospital because I had pushed my limits and got a infection on the result of my surgery. At that time, I had a few request in Queue but I just hadn’t time to write one to add in the Queue. It was stressful to see the number approaching zero but I couldn’t write. When I finally got time in the end of the day I wanted to relax.

- My mother was the mediator between my father and I. Left alone in a stressful situation where I was thinking “I can do it, I can try, let me do it, I’m right” and where he was thinking “you can’t do it, don’t try because you’ll fail, I’m right” it was inevitable that at some point we ended to scream at each other. My father is really affected by my mother’s situation. I had more than one depression in my life. I couldn’t have one right now. I became the support of my father, reassuring him, trying to stay positive, I couldn’t have a depression. I just couldn’t. It’s hard to fight ourselves and supporting someone else at the same time. I could have tried to see the “psychologist” of the hospital, but I have the bad habit to keep everything inside.

-Next to all of this, I was trying to resurrect my Discord Server. I’m not a leader, I try to make everyone happy even if I know it’s impossible, I still tried. Trying to please everyone displease everyone and I was open to make just a little change, not enough. We were something like 30 persons on it, a “fight” happened before between me and the Mods (long story that could be resumed as : lack of communication and I panicked), I asked who wanted to join the Mods to be sure that they were motivated, I reworked the Server.. I won’t enter in the detail of what it was because I don’t want to enter again in the debate, but a few people weren’t happy about a situation. I tried to mediate but the persons wanted just it to be gone from their view so left the Server, and I didn’t wanted to get rid of it because I wasn’t seeing the wrong of it. In the end of the journey, it was 1a.m in my timezone when a friend that was on the Server and left because of it wanted to talk about it with me and it ended in a fight because their anger grew more and more that I wasn’t understanding how wrong it was (supposed to be). When they started to use capital, very upset, it clicked in my mind that this situation was stressful, making me sick and anxious... For a Sever that was already dying. And I couldn’t afford at that time with my mother to have a drop of mood. So I chose my IRL life and abandoned the Server in a rush, something that was in my mind since the first “fight”. It took me a full month to lose all the habits I got from a year to be on the Server. I miss to see all the OCs, all the news and ideas of my friends and people. I miss to not just drop a fanart in it, knowing it will please people without having to come in private and be scared to bother. I don’t miss to be glued on my phone every minute to be sure that nothing wrong was happening on the Server and be on charge. Be a leader isn’t for me.

I just couldn’t bring myself to write for the blog. When I had time, I just wanted to relax and doing nothing. For a long time I didn’t even draw. I love seeing your reactions, reading your ideas, interacting with you, but English isn’t my first language. I’m learning with this blog. I check less and less my translator, but this is still more difficult for me to write a request than what @lucky0stars​ can do. I’m also a procrastinator, I never was so productive before, but it’s because I’m “forcing” myself to focus. When everything is alright, I still end sometime to slap myself because “dude, you need to write your request. Do at least one”. So you can imagine that in the situation where I’m right now... It just blocked.

So I announced the break, without knowing when it will be done.

A few things happened (like my mother who had a few weeks in an artificial coma) that you don’t need to know, but it seem to calm down. I’m slowly coming back.

I’m here now.

[wutroows]

a box of bandaids. peter parker

a/n: this is my first story i’m posting on tumblr. i wrote this in may and posted it on wattpad, only to delete it after a few weeks. i think this is somewhere on deviantart as well but rest assured, this is also me! nonetheless, please enjoy! warnings: catcalling & sexual comments that may make people feel uncomfortable, non-consensual touching & violence (it's marvel, what do you expect)

every day, there seemed to be more bruises. more cuts splayed all over your body. your knuckles were skinned, and your legs and arms had dark purple and blue marks all over them. whoever your soulmate was certainly got into a lot of trouble. every day, there was something else. one morning, you woke up with a deep cut in your stomach and another, a broken wrist. at first, you thought he had gotten beat up, but then you realised this happened every. day. and you began to feel bad for your soulmate. how could they go through this pain all the time?

usually, the pain came at ungodly hours of the night. on some nights, you woke up screaming and your mother had to come in and console you to get you to finally go back to bed. your mother was a lovely woman, who's soulmate wasn't your father. she first married him out of impulse, being bored. your mothers real soulmate was a woman named elizabeth, and you immediately took a liking to her. having another woman in the house was always a plus.

the pain first started about a year ago. sure, you had gotten occasional bruises or scraped knees, but nothing you couldn't handle. you noticed a small bite on your hand, it swelled badly but soon went away after a few weeks. the pain hadn't stopped since a month or so after that. you had your thoughts that maybe he was a thug, or he just liked to get into fights for fun but you soon realised that couldn't be happening during the school day. but it still was. what could he be doing during the school day where he was out, getting practically beaten almost every day?

you shook the thought out of your head, sitting the coffee cup you just took a drink of down on the table in front of you. the hot sensation of the coffee slipping down your throat burned a little. you hoped your soulmate could at least feel that, but in some ways you also wished he didn't. he already went through so much pain in the first place.

the work in front of you never seemed so boring as you sat in your local café. the words on the screen began to look like a jumbled mess as your thoughts slowly became more and more occupied with your soulmate. what did he look like? no.. you shook the thought out of your head as quickly as it got there. you would love him for his personality, though having good looks would be a plus. a smirk formed on your lips before you quickly realized what you were thinking about. you shook your head, furrowing your eyebrows before you stood up. you couldn't focus on your schoolwork like this. the paper you had to finish for your english class could wait. maybe thinking of your soulmate was just a good way to procrastinate (something you had been rather good at since a young age).

you gathered your items, consisting of a laptop and the coffee you had previously ordered from a barista named hanna, (who had her dyed purple hair tied up in a messy bun, telling you that she did not feel like being at work that morning so if your coffee was bad she apologized). you quickly made your way out of the café, putting your computer in your bag and holding onto your coffee with both of your hands in front of you. your apartment you shared with your grandmother was only a ten minute walk away. you told yourself you should've probably called an uber to get you back to your apartment before you left, but you shrugged and decided to walk home anyways.

it was dark outside, around 9 pm. the stars shined brightly over-head behind the bright lights of new york. there were just about no one walking around at the moment, and the less people you saw the more anxious you got about walking home. you regretted not calling an uber at this point, seeing the group of men a little up ahead from you. they all seemed drunk, stumbling around outside of the bar.

"hey pretty lady!" you heard one of them call, moving closer to you. you started to back away, just a little bit. you moved your keys to your apartment in between your fingers, something your grandmother told you to do if you needed to defend yourself while walking home. your heart pounded in your chest as you saw them stumble towards you.

"what's a cute little lady like you doing out here this late?" he slurred, his eyes staring you up and down like you were a piece of meat. "w-walking home." you stuttered back, not wanting to not give the man a response. you felt if you didn't this situation would get worse. "well.. me and the boys," he gestured behind him to the other three or so men behind him, "could always escort you back to your home." he finished, a sly smirk on his chapped, thin lips as he took another step towards you. "n-no thank you, now if you'll excuse me.."

you sidestepped around the man, only for his hand to find your wrist, pulling you into his side. he took a glance down your f/c shirt, making you feel even more uncomfortable than you had already felt before. "scars, huh?" he muttered under his breath, "i take it.. you like pain? a masochist?" he chuckled, his arms wrapping around your waist, your back pressed against his chest. you prayed for someone, anyone to come and rescue you at this point.

your eyes closed, slowly trying to wiggle yourself out of his grip but with each of your movements his grip seemed to get tighter. "c'mon, doll.. enjoy this. your first time is always fun.."

he dragged you into the alleyway a few feet away from his friends, they positioned themselves in a line at the entrance. you were screwed, at this point you were positive you were going to be raped. your grip loosened, slowly giving up. you weren't strong enough to fight back against this guy, whoever he was. he pushed your chest against the brick wall of the alleyway, and at this point you knew it. your first time doing anything sexual would be with this drunk pervert.

you heard a thud, and the man behind you took a glance over his shoulder. his grip on you loosened, and you took this as a chance to bring back your elbow as far as you could, elbowing him directly in the jaw. "what the fuck, lady?" he practically screamed, his hand that had been gripping onto your waist now held his jaw. "nice hit, miss!" you heard an oddly familiar voice around you somewhere. you looked ahead of you, past the man and saw the one and only spider-man coning to save the day.

"i'm sorry you have to see this, miss.." he muttered to you, before quickly punching the man in the stomach, making him bend over. spider-man brought up his foot, kicking the man so hard his back hit the wall behind him. he took a breath, "let's hope this guy doesn't get back up." he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. your eyes widened at the sight in front of you, "y-you saved me.." you laughed, breathlessly. you weren't necessarily out of breath, but it was more like you were in shock. queens' neighborhood hero stood in front of you.

"well.. um, yeah." he laughed embarrassedly. his voice sounded familiar, but you couldn't quite pinpoint where you knew it from because you had definitely never ran into spider-man before. "can i repay you? somehow?"

"o-oh, no, definitely no." he nodded to you, "your safety is all i need." he shook his head, "god, that sounded stupid. i sound stupid, okay, spidey, let's get it together this time." he muttered to himself, "i mean, don't." he finished, letting out a breath he probably didn't realise he'd been holding.

"you sound funny." you spoke up after a few moments, "what?" he asked, his head tilting a little bit. you could very vividly picture the face of a teenage boy with an eyebrow raised in confusion from underneath the mask. "i said.. you sound funny, spider-man." you laughed, a smile forming on your lips despite the situation that had just happened a few minutes prior. "well.. my soulmate did burn their tongue earlier. i'm beginning to think that.. they don't like me like, at all. i mean, i wouldn't like me either, i'm getting hurt all the time.." he finished his sentence with an awkward chuckle and you raided an eyebrow.

you reared your hand back and punched the wall in front of you as hard as you could and you had to hold back the urge to scream. you heard your knuckles crack on impact, you were positive you had broken at least one of them by the stupid stunt you had just pulled. you had to find out one way or another, and judging by the way he was holding his hand in his other right after you did that, you had the answer you needed.

"so.. you're my soulmate." you laughed, taking a few steps forward to be eye to eye with him. "i-i mean.. what? why did you do that i.. wait, what? you're my soulmate, oh my god.. there's no way.." he mumbled, his hands going to his mask as if he were covering up an embarrassed blush. you grabbed onto his hands with your own, letting them rest at his sides.

"can i take a guess, spidey?" you asked him, licking your lips in thought. you definitely knew the identity behind the mask, there was only one person you knew who ranted like that whenever he was talking. who told himself to shut up, out loud. "to your identity?"

he nodded, slowly. your hands came up to the ends of his mask and his hands found yours again, "peter, i know it's you." you smiled, pulling up the ends of his mask to where you could see his lips. he groaned, "how? how did you figure it out.. first mj.. now you? i can't keep doing this, y/n- i can't, all of queens will know who i am soon enough, dumb peter parker is spider-man? no way!" he let out a sigh, a small pout on his lips, clearly defeated. you held onto his hands and pulled him onto a side alleyway where you knew no one would see.

you finally pulled his mask off, and the familiar brown eyes of one of your best friends met yours. "i had my suspicions, pete.." you chuckled, your fingers weaving through his own. he ran his free hand through his hair, his eyes closing. "promise me you won't tell..?" you nodded, taking in a deep breath before continuing. "i just.. never thought we were.. soulmates." you mumbled, "but i'm glad it's you! really, i am glad but.. you put me through a shit-ton of pain, peter parker."

"i'll buy you a box of bandaids and a trip to mcdonalds."

"deal.."

you laughed, releasing his hand. you cupped one of his cheeks, leaning in just a bit to where your lips ghosted over his. "promise me one thing, pete.." he nodded, "anything, y/n.."

"stop getting hurt all the time."

with that, you leaned forwards and slowly pressed a kiss to his lips. you felt your heartbeat quicken as your lips met his. they were warm, but slightly chapped. you hadn't realised how many times you'd pictured kissing your best friend until now.

"t-the bandaids?"

"r-right, um.. yeah. the bandaids."

words: 2001

[sunsetsinhoenn]

hiii I was wondering how Sal’s S/O would react to seeing his face under his mask for the first time?

thank you for sending something in for sally face *_* im nervous that his might not be that good, but I hope everyone likes it. 

if you are reading this on mobile, I am SO sorry… I usually edit any bunching of words on my phone so it’s easier to read, but the app won’t even let me do that anymore. if anyone knows how to stop tumblr from screwing with my posts… please tell me…. or i’ll… cry

Sal Fisher _ “expressions”

Ever since the two of you had begun dating, you realized that Sal was trying his best to make sure you both had enough time spent alone together. You both loved the rest of your friends, but you also loved each other a lot and the exclusivity of your relationship required time for the both of you to catch up together. Since you and Sal were just high school students barely going into your senior year, this time together usually took its place in the form of homework sessions or dates, but every so often there would come a time when no one else but you and Sal had any free time.

You loved these times.

“I get that your ghost friend is up here and all, but what enticed you to check the fifth floor out in the first place?” You said, slowly walking around and scoping out apartment 504. “It feels like if I accidentally get poked by whatever’s in here, I’ll get… rabies… or something.”

You heard your boyfriend chuckle where he stood by the bathroom patiently, watching you check things out.

“Well, I don’t touch anything I shouldn’t, that’s for sure. Although,” You turned your head quickly towards him, giving him a disbelieving look before he could even finish his sentence. “If I do find something interesting, I’ll take it. Random stuff pops up often up, here.”

You began walking towards him, content with your brief look-around, still eyeing him somewhat incredulously.

“That’s weird. Please tell me you carry around a little bottle of sanitizer in your pocket?”

You saw the bottoms of his eyes raise up behind his prosthetic, giving you the impression that he was smiling, but other than that he seemed rather straight-faced.

“I don’t! Are you ready to meet Megan?”

You shrugged, sighing a little.

“I suppose. You said she’s shy, though. What if she doesn’t want to meet me?” Still facing you, his hand went behind his back to land on the doorknob and turn it open.

“I’m hoping that she’ll sense how sweet you are and come out anyways. You’re cute too, so she won’t feel scared, either.” You blushed and he laughed again, walking backwards into the bathroom. With your mouth twisted into an embarrassed, tiny frown, you felt the tips of your ears turn red as well. Your boyfriend was sweet, but he really liked to lay the compliments on thick.

Following him inside, he closed the door behind the two of you and started speaking out. With the dim light of the bathroom and the fact that Sal was trying to summon a ghost, which you were pretty sure didn’t exist, you felt your nerves working up. It was just… so creepy and dirty in the bathroom and the only thing that kept your mind from running rampant was the sight of Sal right in front of you. If it weren’t for the calming image of his familiar prosthetic and blue hair, you would have bounced out already.

“Megan… are you sure you don’t want to come out? Y/N is really nice, they won’t hurt you or anything.” He turned towards you. “Do you want to say hi, to see if she might come out?”

“Um…” You fiddled with your hands, a little nervous. “H-hey, Megan. I’m Y/N… I won’t bite or anything. I-in fact, I don’t think I can, haha…”

…You were met with nothing but silence. Sal tried calling out once more as a last try to get her to come out, but received no response again. Part of you felt a little hurt for not being okay enough for Megan to come out for, but the other part was relieved, just a bit. Maybe Megan was able to sense that part of you that wasn’t ready to see her… Or maybe she didn’t. You didn’t really know.

You looked at Sal, who had been staring at you.

“She might be tired. Maybe you can meet her some other day.” You nodded, taking his hand and leading him out, rushing him a bit.

“As long as you’re with me. This place is creepy without the ghosts.” You took a few steps out of the bathroom and down the apartment to the exit.

“I don’t really like the idea of you coming up here without me, anyways. There hasn’t been any demons for a while, but this place can be dangero-“

With a shriek, you halted your steps and squished yourself against sal, frightened by the man sitting in the room. He looked like your average homeless man, but with darkness surrounding his eyes. You could tell that he wasn’t okay nor was he normal due to his subtle transparency and his crazed rocking back and forth.

“You need to leave.”

“W-what?!”

“There will be-“ It sounded as if his voice was echoed and distant, like from another world. You tried to take a step back, but ended up tripping over Sal and you both ended up falling backwards from the imbalance. Frantically, you panicked and got up, ignoring the man that had appeared suddenly in the apartments.

“Sal?! I’m sorry, are you okay?” He grunted a bit and said he was fine, but you could see that his eyes were closed and that he was trying to wipe something off. You noticed that there were dirt particles and other miscellaneous… unsanitary stuff on the ground, so you both got yourself back on your feet quickly and you pushed him out of the apartment as fast as you could.

“Come on, Sal! Let’s get to your apartment to take care of that.” Nodding, he followed you into the elevator and down to the floor below. The trip was quick, but you also noted the fact that his prosthetic had been moved on his face a little bit, revealing more of his left side and less of his right. You could see a scar popping out.

Once inside of his apartment, you guided him to his bathroom and made him sit on the toilet, so you could grab a rag and wet it.

“No, Y/N, I’m fine. You don’t have to help me. Really, I can take care of it.”

“But if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be having issues right now. I’m the clumsy idiot, please let me help you. Close your eyes.” He did as he was told and closed them hesitantly. As you kneeled in front of him, he leaned towards you, so you could clean it better. “I am… having a hard time cleaning this, though. Do you still feel dirt and stuff in your eyes?”

He nodded.

“I- yeah… I think some dirt might’ve gotten underneath too, though I’m not sure how that happened.” You continued dabbing at his eyes,trying to make sure that he wouldn’t get an eye infection because of your dumb actions.

“Well, your prosthetic did get turned a little.”

“It did?”

“Yeah.”

“…”

Sitting in silence for a few moments, he listened to you breathe as you worked. He had been thinking about this moment for a long time, shortly after the two of you had started dating. But no matter what scenario he had imagined in his head, it would always turn out bad. You would see his face, give a look of horror or disgust… and then run away.

No matter how kind he knew you were, no matter how sweet or open-minded you were, he could not foresee a good outcome to him removing his prosthetic, so showing you was something he had always procrastinated on. He knew that in order to be with you in the future, as more than just a high school couple, you would have to see him eventually, but it… scared him. A lot.

With a shaky hand, he gripped your wrist, silently telling you to stop. Slowly, you watched as he began removing the straps on the back of his head, and as your heart began speeding up for the second time that day, you watched with wide eyes as you saw his face for the first time.

His face was littered in scars, both small and big. You could see that the worst area was on the right side of his face, which was practically mauled. There was dirt on his face from the tumble you both took in apartment 504, but what drew your attention was his… expression. Part of his eyebrow was missing on the right side, but you could tell that he looked incredibly worried and scared and… that he was watching with bated breath on what you would do next. He was staring right in your eyes, wondering and waiting.

For some reason, you felt tears well up, and carefully you began cleaning his face again, having a much easier time without the prosthetic.

With a wide smile and a soft laugh, you spoke, a couple tears spilling down.

“Wow… you have dirt everywhere.” You quickly dabbed it away. “And… y’know, I’m really happy because now I finally get to say this with absolute confidence. I mean, I was able to say it before, but now that I’ve seen your face you are legally obligated to believe me when I say it.”

“Huh?” He looked at you, a little skeptical, but still worried. This was not a scenario that he foresaw. What are you saying? After setting the rag aside, you looked straight back into his face, your smile somehow growing wider.

“You are, without a doubt, the cutest boy I’ve ever met.” Your hands went up to cup his face. “I never really thought about it before because… the Sal I had always known was the Sal with the ‘mask’, but I can’t even begin to explain why I’m so happy to see you like this.”

He rolled his eyes, turning away from you.

“You don’t have to sugarcoat this, Y/N. I’m not cute. Don’t lie to me.” You frowned, turning his face back towards you. You would not accept him talking himself down like that.

“Sal, I am not a liar. I’m one hundred percent telling you the truth.” You raised an eyebrow, your demeanor becoming somewhat playful. “You’re my boyfriend and you are just. That. Handsome. I feel like giving you… a thousand kisses right now. Maybe even… a million.”

You laughed mischievously when you saw his cheeks turn a light shade of pink. You were glad he was pale, because it was easy to see. It was difficult to notice on the side that was heavily scarred, but you could from looking at the left side.

“Are you blushing, Sal? Is what I’m saying embarrassing?” You reached up and gave him a loud kiss on the forehead. “I’m sorry! I can’t help it!”

You heard him laugh and you glanced at him to see him smile at you. You could practically feel the arrow pierce your heart. You laughed as well, deliriously happy.

“I never really realized how much I wanted to see you smile. Thank you for showing me, Sal.” He gave you a deep kiss, tears falling down his cheeks.

“No, thank you.”

[et-in-cinerem-reverteris]

Class of 1953 - Chapters 4/4.5 - Louder Than Bombs/Rubber Ring

“Phil, I think you are the strangest person that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Hey, you’re equally weird,” he teases. 

“I know. That’s why I think you’re so wonderful.”

I’m back with my 1950s historical Oxford university AU fic-cum-novella-thing. Sorry I haven’t been posting the chapters to Tumblr! Here are chapters 4 and 4.5 - soon I will be posting chapter 5 (possibly the last chapter!)

Click me to read on Ao3! 

Or keep reading under the cut...

Chapter 4 - Louder Than Bombs

The passing of time, and all of its sickening crimes, is making Phil nervous again.

Sitting sideways at the top of his bed with his feet swinging off the edge like a bored schoolboy, he idly fumbles with the pages of an open book as he stares into space, waiting. 

Last Sunday he had promised Dan that he could use his room as a space to get homework done. Tonight, the gravity of the situation has only just begun to dawn on him. He imagines the scene with a quickened heartbeat; Dan sitting only a foot away, using his chair, working at his desk and writing with his pens, Dan pacing around his room, scrutinising his photographs, flicking through his records and reading the titles of his books. Phil doesn’t know how to prepare himself. Meeting up in public is one thing, but a private visit to his room feels like quite another.

He laughs out loud at himself. Private visit? Dan’s only coming to study for Christ’s sake. 

Speaking of studying, he has his own work to attend to. Lying on his lap is a copy of Beowulf, deliberately planted there to create the impression of a student deeply engaged in a spot of serious reading. Unfortunately for Phil Beowulf has been unable to capture his imagination, and so instead he has spent the last ten minutes or so staring at the contents of his hastily tidied room. His desk is decluttered, his bed has been made, and all the odd pairs of socks have been picked off the floor and put away in preparation for Dan’s visit. 

All is silent bar the low hum of his desk lamp. It’s a quiet Friday evening, and the normally raucous quad now only echoes sporadic bursts of hushed chatter. Tonight’s sky is peppered with clouds that pass the moon at random intervals, periodically obscuring a strange halo that encircles the bright rock in a mysterious reddish glow. The curtains lie wide open, and a streak of moonlight falls on the pinboard opposite his bed. Littered with cinema tickets, clippings from environmental magazines, ripped out pages and uncashed cheques, the most recent addition to the board is a cluster of pictures he took of the photography club on an impromptu walk by the River Cherwell. The top photograph shows Bill squinting at the sun while Mary gives Beth a precarious looking piggyback ride, both of them smiling as John holds his palms up to the toppling ensemble and posing as tourists do next to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Phil remembers how the group of them skimmed stones across the muddy water, competing to see who could get the furthest, until Beth had beat Bill’s expert hand with a fluke stone that skipped so far into the distance that none of them could tell where it had landed. He thinks of that day with a smile. Good times.

*rat-tat-tat*

At last! Springing off his mattress he dashes towards the mirror, spruces up his quiff, takes in a deep breath and opens the door.

“Hallo! Ho-”

Phil is interrupted as Dan comes crashing into the room, stumbling past him and lurching towards the desk as a large pile of books, folders and papers fall from his arms and scatter across the surface in a heap. He releases a long sigh, and then turns around to face his host with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry for bursting in here like that. My arms were starting to get cramped under the weight of all these books, and I had to put them down. Anyway, how are you?” 

“I’m fine but err, quick question,” Phil starts. “Why didn’t you just use a bag?” 

Dan’s smile fades and his eyes glaze over, mouth opening and closing as his brows furrow in confusion. “Now that you mention it, I um, don’t know why on earth I didn’t think of that.” He throws his hands into the air. “God knows what’s up with me.” Embarrassed, he turns around and begins to organise the jumbled papers.

“What’s all this you’ve got here then?” Phil asks, flopping down onto the bed and leaning his back against the wall as he watches Dan.

“It’s mostly some notes about Schubert. We have to study the last few decades of his life, so I bought a few books from home with me that I thought I’d be able to flick through. And um,” he picks up a piece of paper, “I’ve also got to work towards a portfolio of compositions, so really I’ve got a mountain of stuff to do.”

“Sounds daunting.”

“Mmmm.” He sits down in the chair next to Phil’s desk, adjusting the angle of the lamp as he kicks off his shoes. “So,” he continues, turning around, “what are you up to then?”

Phil nonchalantly waves his book in the air. “Just Beowulf.” 

Dan scoffs. “Just Beowulf? Come on, Phil! It’s only one of the most important pieces of English literature of all time!” Shaking his head in disbelief, he turns back around. “‘Just Beowulf’... Jesus.”

After a couple of minutes of silence Phil suddenly realises that Dan has started working. As in actually working. In the past they had both joked about being chronic procrastinators, and so Phil had predicted that the night would end up with them talking about books, politics or musicals instead of doing homework. He’s a bit surprised that Dan was serious about wanting to use his room just to study in, and to be truthful, he’s also a little disappointed. 

To make matters worse, as the other boy works away Phil finds himself unable to concentrate on the book in front of him; no matter how hard he tries to focus, all thoughts invariably trace back to his companion. He examines the back of his neck, the collar of his shirt, the knit of his jumper and how it falls on his lanky build. Dan will occasionally sing or hum a tune to himself, scribble something down and then repeat that same harmony with a few added notes, moving the fingers on his right hand as if he were in front of a piano. It’s a peaceful sight, captivatingly peaceful, and his concentration trickles down the drain. To hell with reading anyway. 

His thoughts meander back to a familiar daydream; Dan’s life in Wokingham. Phil’s imagination frequently returns to a scene of Dan sitting in a lavish study, playing the piano as golden sun leaks through an open window, balmy air wafting inside on a sweet summer evening. In tonight’s incarnation Phil envisions himself there sitting on the wooden floor, pondering over verses of romantic poetry, reading aloud a particularly pleasant stanza to Dan who would glance up from the piano and give him one of those warm, glowing smiles where his dimples make him look utterly angeli-

It’s a silly dream really, very silly indeed, and Phil feels ashamed for ever having dreamt it. With a glum sense of self-restraint, he turns back to his homework and tries extra-hard to concentrate on it. 

An hour or so passes in the little room on staircase nine, and after a while Phil finds himself lulled into the lethargic contentment that only rewards avid readers, and to his amazement he realises that Anglo-Saxon poetry about Danish kings and mythical beasts isn’t as tedious as he had previously dreaded. 

Satisfied with his progress, he bookmarks his page and closes the book with a thump. Dan’s neck twitches at the sound, and, as if abruptly reminded of the existence of the outside world, he drops his pen, massages his hands, and stretches his long, slender arms out into the air behind him. 

“Right, I’m throwing in the towel or else I shall die of a Schu-verload,” he exhales, leaning backwards and cracking his spine on the back of the chair.

“Schu...verload?” 

Dan swivels around to give him a dry scowl. “Schubert-overload, you fool.”

“Oh!” Phil exclaims, and the pair of them erupt into laughter. “Sorry, my brain has just been fried by one-thousand year old poetry. I’m feeling a bit,” he yawns, “a bit sleepy.”

Getting up from his chair and stretching some more, Dan paces over to the window and peers out of it before unhinging the lock and propping it open. Cold air sails through the room, ruffling his curls as he stares out into the dark night.

“Nice view you’ve got from up here.”

“Thanks,” Phil quips, fully aware of the fact that his room faces into a fairly dull courtyard.

“I’m serious. I think it’s grand that you’ve got a view of the chapel. It’s terribly romantic.” He steps away from the window, attention turning to a nearby shelf which houses a small record collection that appears to spark his enthusiasm. “You’ve got some superb albums here. Handel, Tchaikovsky, Chopin…” He looks over to where Phil has propped himself up against his headboard. “I respect those choices.” 

“Thanks, although I mainly put them on for background noise. I’m not a major classical geek or anything.”

The other boy guffaws. “Like me?”

“No, not like you,” Phil tuts, and his pretend frown turns into another yawn.

“Busy day?” Dan grins.

“Busy day, busy week, busy month. Hectic month, in fact.”

Nodding in solidarity Dan sits down at the bottom of Phil’s bed and reclines with his back against the wall, closing his eyes with a faint smile still on his face. As the pair of them sit in silence Phil's own eyelids get heavier, and budding in his chest is a drowsy desire to snuggle up into a cosy cocoon and burrow into the bedcovers, falling deeper and deeper into the comfort of his soft, warm sheets...

When he awakes, Dan is staring straight at him.

“Hmmm, what? Did I fall asleep?”

“Quite possibly. God, I know I’m about to.” Dan’s eyelids flicker downwards as his smile fades. He looks exhausted, really exhausted, and Phil feels like there’s something he should do about it.

“Hey.” 

Dan’s shoots up. Phil shuffles across his narrow bed and moves closer to the wall, patting the small space next to him in invitation. The other boy’s eyes widen for a moment before he melts into a soft, sleepy smile, then gets up slowly and gingerly sits on the bed, lies down next to Phil, then shuffles around so that he’s facing...facing him...and then closes his eyes as if it’s nothing.

Phil blinks in confusion. His more logical side knows that sleeping on the same bed as a friend is something that people do without batting an eyelid, but next to Dan it feels different - symbolic, even. Regardless, or perhaps because of that feeling, he shuffles round to face the other man and observes his sleeping face, his pale skin, his dark freckles, his thick brown eyebrows and long brown eyelashes. 

Suddenly, the eyelashes open.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me use your room to study in, you doofus,” he teases, words coming out slightly sluggish.

“Mmmm, that’s alright. It’s the least I can do considering how you spoiled me last Saturday. I think I should be the one thanking you.”

Dan shifts slightly, and Phil feels their shins are now pressed up against each other. His soul sings. If he were more awake his heart might be racing in an exhilarated panic, but in his tired state all he can do is feel strangely happy. Happy...and cold.

“Why on earth is it so freezing in here?” he asks, confused and a little dazed, and as he props himself up on his elbow he sees that the window has been left open. “Da-an!”

“What?” he whines through the pillow.

“You didn’t close the window!”

“Close it then.”

Phil groans, flopping back down onto the bed. “I can’t be bothered!”

“Well in that case we’ll just have to huddle together like penguins then,” and with his eyes still closed Dan moves across the bed until their faces are centimetres apart. Now Phil’s heart starts to quicken.

“I can’t, it’s too much.”

Dan’s eyes fly open as Phil gets up from the bed and walks over to the window. Worried that he’s made a deadly mistake he buries his head into the pillow and waits for Phil to order him out of his room, out into the cold, out into the darkness for a long, lonely walk back to his own miserable dormitory.

The window clunks shut, and then the bed becomes a lot heavier. Dan removes his face from the pillow to see Phil gazing down at him.

“I thought…I thought you were about to abandon me.”

“What? Abandon you? Where would I go?” He chuckles. “I was cold, that’s all. I wouldn’t leave you here like that.” 

Dan beams up at him with flushed cheeks. “You still cold?”

A smirk lets itself out. “Maybe.”

Dan unfurls his right arm across the width of the bed and lifts his left arm into the air. Phil slowly begins to panic. A hug? Is he pulling him in for a hug? A hug with Dan and his arms wrapped around him holding him lying there together on his bed a-

Okay. 

Enough.

Phil looks back at Dan. His stare is dark and strong, profound and meaningful, and it makes him feel safe. He takes the plunge and lowers himself down. Dan pulls him into a hug, arms wrapping around his back and drawing him close to his chest. Phil can hear the low thump of Dan’s heartbeat and smell the warm, musky scent that lingers on his jumper. He places his arms on Dan’s ribcage, fingers fiddling with the cable knit patterns. The pair adjust themselves slightly, moving shoulders, moving heads, moving their legs and intertwining them together, drifting off to the wide, sleepy sea in a boat built for two.

Chapter 4.5 - Rubber Ring

Phil had been asleep.

Phil had been asleep, until somebody had knocked on his door. 

Phil had been planning on going back to sleep, until through the still of night he had heard a familiar voice whispering his name.

Shaking the sleep from his bones, Phil opens his curtains, stumbles towards the door, turns the key in the lock and prepares himself for whatever lies waiting for him in the hallway.

“Dan?”

“G’d evening”

“W...what are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Fancy a stroll?”

“A stroll? Are you insane?” Phil repeats mockingly, shivering from the cool air in the hallway. “Dan, it’s...” He checks his wrist, and frowns when he sees that it’s naked.

“1 a.m. on a Wednesday night? I know. So, what d’you say?”

Really, he should say no. He really should. It’s one in the morning, it’s a weeknight, he’s got lectures tomorrow and the weather outside is probably cold enough to freeze him to his core within five minutes. He should say no, he really should, but there’s something about roaming the shadowy streets at midnight with Dan that’s far too exciting to turn down.

“Give me thirty seconds and I’ll be right with you.”

Diving back into his room to grab the first items of clothing that he sees, Phil can’t help but feel slightly frenzied. When Dan was in his room last it had ended with the pair of them falling asleep entangled in each other’s arms. Phil hadn’t forgotten that. He had far from forgotten that. Memories of that night had floated through the air ever since, landing on him with the delicate wings of a wistful daydream that left him blushing as it flew away. Now, to both his surprise and his delight, this same boy is knocking on his door and asking for his accompaniment on a ridiculous small-hour escapade.

As he wraps his scarf around his collar, he looks across the room to the moonlit part of his pinboard. One particular piece of paper stands out, and he moves in closer to read it - it’s a quote scribbled onto a scrap of blue paper.

“I looked up at the mass of signs and stars in the night sky and laid myself open for the first time to the benign indifference of the world." 

How strange. He’s had that Albert Camus line scribbled onto a piece of paper for years now, and yet never in his life has it seemed so appropriate as it does right this moment. With a peculiar feeling of rebirth he thrusts his feet into the nearest pair of shoes he can find, and opens the door into the corridor. 

Dan is leaning against the wall of the hallway. The pose strikes him as familiar, and with a shock of nostalgia Phil is transported back to the night when the two of them first met. He remembers how Dan stood in the doorway to the photography club - arms folded, ankles crossed, sly smirk plastered to his mischievous face. How things have changed between them since then. 

Phil locks the door, pockets the key, and when he turns around Dan is staring absentmindedly at the floor with his eyes boring holes into nothingness. Suddenly he blinks, looks up, and his eyes instantly meet Phil’s with a vivid, bittersweet gaze that makes everything else in the world feel like it’s falling away.

It feels like the passing touch of a stranger’s hand on the small of his back at a lavish party. It feels like the shock of a cherry liqueur that stuns the taste buds and leaves behind a decadent, sumptuous and moreish aftertaste. It feels like the sight of a full moon from the balcony of his Grecian holiday home, wind rustling through the leaves as the waves whisper beneath him. Phil’s heart melts... and then he realises. 

He just might be in love.

“What are you thinking about?” Dan asks, breaking the silence as his eyelids hang low. Phil looks at those dark, pretty eyelashes on those dark, pretty eyes, rolls his shoulders back, and sighs.

“Mmmm, nothing.” 

He turns to walk down the narrow hallway with Dan following close behind. They push through the heavy wooden door at the end of the hallway and descend onto the staircase, making their way down the steps that lead out of the building.

“So tell me then, how did you manage to get up to my room?” Phil inquires. “Did Rapunzel let her hair down over the Fellow’s Garden wall for you to use as a rope to climb up?”

Dan laughs. “No, not quite.”

“Well go on then, how did you do it? Surely the main college door would have been locked?”

“Not tonight apparently, I pushed it, and lo and behold it was open. There wasn’t a porter there either. Poor sod’s probably raiding the college’s wine cellar,” he adds with a chuckle.

“Dan! The porters aren’t drunkards.”

“I know I know, but it must be bloody boring just sitting there all night. I know I’d raid the stash if I were them.”

“What, and allow unruly boys who can’t settle down to come and break in to the college grounds? You’d make a great porter.”

“That is why I am not a porter, but a devilish, wicked boy who breaks into colleges so he can sneak into other boys’ bedrooms,” he smiles.

Phil’s mind almost shuts down at that latter part. Out of sheer bewilderment his brain decides to respond by bellowing out “you are a saucy boy” in his best Lord Capulet impression, which has the effect of making Dan double over into a fit of laughter, tears streaming down his face as he wheezes the word “saucy” through silent giggles.  

As they exit the building they’re struck by the biting December cold. Careful to tread lightly across the echoing stone slabs, they stealth across the smaller quad that Phil’s bedroom faces into, creep past the chapel, and step through to the larger quad wherein lies a perfectly-maintained square lawn.

“Hey!” Dan whispers.

“What?”

“Shall we walk across the grass?”

“What? Dan! We can’t do that!” Phil hisses. “We’ll get caught and fined and-”

“Oh stop it! We’re already breaking the rules by sneaking out past 10 p.m. Tarnishing an overly-pampered lawn isn’t any worse.”

Before Phil has time to protest, Dan has already set foot on the forbidden pasture.

“Dan stop! For fuc-”

“Catch me if you can!” 

The boy runs around in circles as Phil loiters on the edge, deliberating on whether or not he should join in, until he looks around the quad and, upon seeing nobody, finally decides to indulge in Dan’s game. They race around the turf, skidding and slipping and ripping up the grass. Phil tries to reach Dan, but no matter how hard he struggles he never seems to be able to catch up.

“What’s that Lester? Too slow are we?” Dan taunts, placing a hand on his hip.

That’s it, Phil thinks. 

Time to put Dan in his place. 

With a final burst of energy Phil lunges forward, hurtling himself towards the other man in a push that sends them crashing to the floor, foreheads colliding with a knock that’ll have both of them bruised by the time the sun shines.

“Ow, shit! My head!”

“You alright?”

Phil rolls off onto the cold lawn, swiftly disentangling himself from the mess of limbs as Dan pushes himself off the ground with a grunt of effort.

“Jesus Christ Phil! What are you, some sort of juggernaut?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”

Dan breathes in deeply, eyes flitting over Phil’s body before travelling back up to meet him.

“Evidently not.”

There’s a moment of silence as they recover, and Phil notices that a few blades of grass are stuck to Dan’s face. Without thinking he reaches out a hand to brush them off, fingers briefly skimming across the surface of the boy’s cheek. Dan’s eyes are wide, and his breath is hot against Phil’s hand, lips parted as his eyes lock with Phil’s. There’s a presence in those eyes that Phil has seen before. Inspecting. Asking. Phil wants to trace his thumb across the surface of Dan’s panting mouth with those big, blinking, innocent eyes staring up at him, maybe slip in a finger and feel that soft, wet tongue...but the flare of uncertainty in his chest tells him to remove his hand, stand up from the ground, and say “shall we get going then?” in the steadiest voice he can muster.

After hoisting Dan up from the ground they creep across the quad towards the lodge where the porter sits. Or rather, where the porter normally sits.

“Hmmm. Still nobody here,” Dan confirms, crooking his head around the front desk.

Phil opens the latch of the small door and steps out. “Quickly then. We don’t want to get caught.” Dan hurries across the cobbled entrance, following him through the exit as it shuts behind them with a soft click.

As soon as they’re out the college gates Dan reaches into his coat and pulls out a small bottle of alcohol. Ah. That would explain a lot. He offers it to Phil, who nods in gratitude and takes a sip.

“Eurgh!” 

Dan laughs. “You don’t like whiskey?” Phil screws his eyes shut, shaking his head as if trying to rid himself of the taste. “Ah well - more for me!” 

On second thoughts, if Dan’s already drunk Phil doesn’t want to be the only one who’s sober, and so he reaches for the bottle with grabbing hands as Dan takes a healthy swig. Although he raises his eyebrows at Phil’s unexplained change of opinion, he hands it over regardless. As they amble through the streets Dan takes the drink back, downing it at an alarming rate, and by the time they’ve made their way to the highroad the vessel is as good as gone. 

“Ah, here we are,” Dan cries, “the theatre!” Phil winces - he’s a little on the loud side.

“I saw a fan-tastic production here the other week. The Phantom of the Opera it was. Bloody blil..bloody brilliant,” he slurs, waving the empty bottle around in his hand. “Very fine chap playing Erik, very fine...” He sighs. “I wanted to be an opera singer, y’know. Dunno know what ‘appened to that.”

Phil frowns. “What d’you mean ‘dunno what happened to that’? You can still have a shot at it.”

“You know, that’s very true,” he mutters, “very true...” 

As they walk down the deserted road the only sound to be heard is the clacking of their heeled shoes, until they turn down an ill-lit side-street and Dan begins to hum a tune that sounds familiar. 

“Is that-”

“The Phantom of the Opera? You didn’t say you’d seen it!” 

Before Phil can gush about his love of musicals, Dan unexpectedly bursts into song.

“Beneath the opera house,

I know he’s there,

He’s with me on the stage,

He’s everywhere.”

For a moment, Phil forgets how to think. He hadn’t expected Dan’s voice to be so high pitched, so silky and delicate and feminine.

“And when my song begins,

I always find,

The phantom of the opera is there,

Inside my mind.”

Dan nods his head as if expecting a reaction. Ah. The next part of the song is sung by The Phantom. Hesitant to embarrass himself but too tipsy to care, Phil takes in a deep breath and attempts to remember the lyrics.

“Since once again with me,

A strange duet.

I power over you,

Grow stronger yet.

You give your love to me,

For love is blind.

The phantom of the opera is now,

Your mastermind.”

He looks back at Dan, whose gawk transforms into a grin.

“Those who have seen your face,

Draw back in fear.

I am the mask you wear.”

Another expectant look from Dan. Oh!

“It’s me they hear!”

If he’s correct, they sing the next part together.

“My spirit and my voice,

In one command.

The Phantom of The Opera is there,

Inside your mind.”

Phil could have died on the spot - their voices sound amazing together. He turns around to beam at Dan, but Dan’s too busy acting to notice.

“The Phantom of the Opera,

He’s there.

The Phantom of the Opera.” 

He waltzes out into the road, obviously getting into it. Phil follows, and their voices combine more. 

“Sing once again with me,

A strange duet.”

“My power over you

Grows stronger yet.”

“You give your love to me ,

For love is blind.

The Phantom of The Opera is now,

My mastermind.”

“Sing my angel of music!” Phil cries.

“He’s there,

The Phan-tom of the O-per-aaaaa”

“Sing once again with me,

For a strange duet.”

Dan finishes off the song with the highest note Phil has ever heard come from a man. Bursting into laughter, he bows to a one-man audience as Phil claps and shouts “bravo!”, throwing invisible roses onto an invisible stage before turning to walk down the street.

“Thank you, thank you,” Dan giggles, buzzing with adrenaline as he looks at Phil, who responds with equal spirit. He isn’t quite sure what just happened, but something about their voices combining together like that felt spectacular. It felt special. As their smiles fade, Dan looks as though he wants to speak.

“Phil,” he begins, “can I...can I compliment you?”

“Of course.”

“You have the most incredible voice. Seriously.”

Phil is stupefied. Really? His voice, “incredible”? 

Something wells up inside his chest, something wild and fleeting and frantic that makes him want to sprint and shout and bowl Dan over with a tackle or a hug or just give in to his long-restrained yearning and just grab his charming, boyish face and just kiss it-

Instead, he reaches out a hand, and lightly taps Dan on the nose with his finger.

“Phil, I think you are the strangest person that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Hey, you’re equally weird,” he teases. 

“I know. That’s why I think you’re so wonderful.”

It’s his shy smile that tips Phil over the edge. He reaches out and pulls Dan into a hug that’s forceful and rough, throwing his arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tight as Dan instantly wraps his arms around him, gripping with equal vigour until they can’t get any closer.

“Thank you for agreeing to go on this mad walk with me. It’s just that I...I couldn’t sleep. This stupid performance is in two days and I’ve got so much work to do and I-” His voice cracks. Phil says nothing but rubs Dan’s back in consolation. After a while, the other boy pulls away. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, avoiding Phil’s eye.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re stressed, it’s understandable. I don’t mind anyway, it was my pleasure.” They begin walking. “Don’t worry about all this school work, you’ve got enough time to sort it out before the performance. If you don’t finish it, who cares - you can do it over the holidays.”

With a big sniff, Dan nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

“As for Friday, I’m sure it’ll go smoothly. If you fluff a line just get your sword out and start duelling the audience with your fencing skills. They won’t know what hit them. Literally.”

“Let's hope I don’t fluff anything then, because I don’t want to have to kill you in a sword fight.”

“Aha! How bold you are to assume that I would lose! In fact, I, Philip Michael Lester, otherwise known as... Lance Lester, am a master of sword fighting, known throughout the land for my trusty steel and quick foot.” He snatches at the bottle in Dan’s hand, holding it by its neck. “This was my father's poniard, do you see? I'd be loth to see 't look rusty, 'cause 'twas his.”

Dan cackles, high pitched and loud. “Oh Phil, you’re such a geek, you know that right?”

“Oi - that’s Lance Lester to you!”

“Oh yeah? More like Feeble Phil,” he teases, jabbing at the other boy’s stomach. It doesn’t take long before they start to pretend-fight, scuffling in the street and tussling with each other all the way back home, gradually getting louder and more competitive until they circle back to Turl Street.

“Hey, hey, shhh!” Phil hisses. “We’re back at my college.”

Dan unclences Phil from a headlock and looks up. “We are indeed. Let’s hope the door’s still unlocked.” 

Phil gives it a gentle push, and it opens with a creak. Wriggling free from Dan’s grasp he slips into the entrance, standing with one foot it and one foot out, propping the door open with his chest.

“Well, good luck for rehearsals then. I’ll be at the chapel for…”

“For eight o’clock.”

“Eight o’clock. Right.”

Dan’s face falls. 

“My God.”

“What? What’s the matter?”

“I nearly forgot. Oh, what a disaster that would have been.” 

Phil raises an eyebrow. 

“On the night of the performance the chap I share a room with is going out, so I’m inviting a handful of people back to my room for a little party afterwards. I kept meaning to invite you but I never got round to it. Please say you can make it!”

“It’d be my pleasure.” 

Dan beams. “Perfect, I’ll see you there.” 

He turns away and walks up the street, hands thrust into his trouser pockets as he hurries back to his room. Phil stands at the door, watching. When Dan reaches the corner of the road he turns his head to face backwards, and, although he’s too far away to be sure, Phil is certain that he can feel the warmth of a smile shooting through the air and landing on his breast like the golden tip of Cupid’s pointed arrow, spreading through his body with a tender warmth.

[spudmcloughlin]

How long have you been in the Jacksepticeye community?

oh boy good question! i started watchig sean and getting involved in the community in march 2015 (i think the 21st to be exact, i was going thru old posts and saw that date), and i found an amazing little family here on tumblr. it was a small one, and i definitely wasn’t a popular blog or anything, but that was perfectly fine because i loved being here!

i was 13 when i came here, and when i started high school i kinda fell out a bit. freshman year i was still here for sure but i kinda started drifting sophomore year as i made new friends and found new interests. i fell out of contact with a lot of my friends i originally had on here because they had moved on, and i wasn’t really watching the videos as much. i think by the end of 2017 and definitely by the start of 2018 i basically quit watching completely. i figured, that was a fun 3 years but imma head out. i changed my blog a lot, i got into hamilton and basically became a hamilton blog for a bit, i unfortunately got involved in a lot of discourse that i shouldn’t have (not jse related, dw), i did some stupid shit. i was absolutely no longer a jse blog and completely left the community. mistake #1

so by the middle of 2019 i realized that a lot of the stuff i was up to on tumblr wasn’t fun anymore. discourse was draining. i didn’t have any real interests so my dash was full of junk i didn’t care about or find entertaining anymore. it felt so bland and negative and i realized i was just mindlessly, endlessly scrolling on my dash, hoping to find a good post at some point. so the day i realized that, i closed my tumblr tab and swore off it for good.

so then senior year starts. holy shit what a ride. i’m 17 years old, applying to colleges, taking important big boy classes, trying to plan my entire life out ahead of me. needless to say, this stressed me the fuck out. a lot of stuff started falling apart around me and i became stuck. the first like, 3/4 of my first semester was great, but then deadlines started approaching, and i started missing them. things weren’t working out basically and by this point i burned myself out.

let’s take a glance back at middle school. i was a terrible student. i constantly procrastinated in favor of watching sean. i had a major case of gifted kid syndrome, and my middle school was HARD. 8th grade parallels what i have to deal with as a high school and part time college student my senior year. so because of this, i did very poorly and i was basically miserable the entire time. unless i was watching sean.

my counselor explained it like this: i’m burnt out. i’m miserable because nothing is working out. my brain realizes this and says “hey, i’ve seen this before! where did that happy juice come from last time this happened? oh that’s right, green hair” and craves it again. so around the middle of january this year i came back to youtube and tumblr and holy shit! it’s all different!!!!

since the infamous porn ban of 2017(2018? i dont fkcn remember) a lot of people left the site for whatever reason. this reduced the size of the community tremendously. it used to feel so HUGE, like if i scrolled through the tag for an hour i would see a different url for every post. but now it feels like it’s...... just us. i feel like i know everyone, i follow everyone, i see a lot of the same people making posts. not that it’s a bad thing, i really do love the coziness of it now! but i think there was a certain charm about knowing how many people were out there. so, so many people just like me. there was also no discourse or tea, it was everyone just enjoying themselves. if sean messed up and people called him out on it or if there was some shit happening in the community, people accepted his apologies. i remember when the biggest drama was whether wiishu broke up his relationship with the korean girl, and that got shut down real fucking fast. now it’s like, every little detail is something to get hung up on and they just refuse to accept apologies or solutions to problems. this is the most toxic the community has ever been, which is so sad to see considering he constantly used to praise us and be so proud of how awesome we all were to each other. now we’re so divided and there’s a weird vibe to me, just knowing that there’s a small pool of people out there, in fairly close proximity to us, who will stop at nothing to slander him and turn our backs on him.

so yeah, sorry this got so long lmao but there’s my answer! i’ve been here since march 2015, took a break in 2018 and 2019, and came back a mega ego enthusiast!

thank you so much for asking, it was a lot of fun thinking back on old memories haha