#sorry this songs won't leave my head every time I'm thinking about him

[lengthofropes]

Henry Creel/001 + “Waiting Room” by Fugazi (1989)

Henry Creel/001 commission for @environmentalistcas

[kisscara]

am i sinking or swimming? [scaramouche x gn!reader] ⎯⎯ fatui!scaramouche, angst, no comfort, toxic relationship, blood

songfic based off of late night drive home's song stress relief

his words shook you to your core.

this wasn't kunikuzushi. where did you go wrong? you stood by his side and felt his pain every time he lost a close one to him and yet he chose to turn into this... this monster. he was never home and whenever he was, he acted as if you didn't exist. he acted as if you were there for, what, emotional support?

scaramouche talked to you when he felt like it. when he felt like he was about to lose it, his mind flooding with the heart wrenching memories of them. it's always been them, but never you. why can't he see you? he says something along these lines during these moments. "(name), what do i do? i can't do this anymore."

were you his lover, or his therapist?

you gnaw down on your bottom lip, restraining pained sobs as you soothe your husband from behind him with your hands comfortingly rubbing his shoulders. "it's okay, kunikuzushi. you're okay, because i'm going to be here with you," you reassure him, planting a kiss against his tear stained face.

scaramouche's fist ball up the sheets of the bed as tears continue to pour from his eyes. without looking at you, he turns around and holds you in his embrace. "you won't leave me, right?" his voice is small and full of sorrow. one would think he was manipulating you in this situation and in this case, maybe he was.

your eyes widen. oh, oh no, what were you thinking? your poor lover was just in a hard place at the moment, so of course he holds mutual feelings for you, he's just feeling down! it's your job to help him find his happiness again and he'll go back to his old loving self.

his loving self...

it's stress relief from everything.

what exactly is his happiness? right, letting him take out his anger on you. after that, he'll definitely apologize and go back to loving you. he says the most hurtful things and his words slice like a blade. you could say that if his phrases were physically harming you, you'd be six feet under.

it's okay, because this is his way of coping. it's not the healthiest way, sure, but would you rather have the only important person to you feeling sad and lonely? no. no one would want that. you went through his mental abuse in a state of being completely lovesick with the man.

it will strengthen your bond with him and show him that you're never leaving, that he can finally put his trust in you and see you as his spouse. how much can you take though?

your friends always tell you stories about their spouse, from how they cook, to the type of plans they make for dates... it's endless. and whenever the conversation puts you on the spotlight, you're speechless. what would you tell them about your beloved kunikuzushi?

"he's sweet like usual..."

they would playfully laugh at your comment.

"that's what you said last time, (name)! come on, anything new? are you guys going on a date sometime?"

you simply shake your head and direct the topic of the conversation elsewhere.

tell me, tell me you love me.

you're on your knees of the living room in your shared house with scaramouche, hands against the floor as broken sobs break past your lips. how long have you been holding this in? how long... has he been holding back the urge to hurt you?

scaramouche blankly stares at the hand that roughly grabbed your arm before moving his gaze to your figure. his nails had dug deep into your flawless skin, creating bloody crescent marks. hesitant, he moves towards you with one step, and then two...

"sorry, (name), but i have to go back to my fatui duties."

of course. you'd expect nothing less of your loving husband. "is that all, kunikuzushi?" you croak out, voice scratchy from your cries. scaramouche narrows his eyes. "you were willing to take this head-on, weren't you? so take what you bargained for." his gaze lingers upon you for a few moments before he leaves the house.

you cry out in anguish. you aren't sure whether it's because of the pain he inflicted upon you, or the feeling of your heart being torn apart by his ruthless hands. you stagger to the kitchen, hastily running your wound beneath cold water and wincing at the sting. you wrap it with bandages and heave large breaths.

"i can't... i can't do this anymore!" you groan and wipe at your tears but they just kept on coming like an endless waterfall. "i've done all that i can for you, but i can't do this, kunikuzushi."

you were right all along. you're a toy to him. a toy to satisfy his greedy needs and wants as he lulled you into staying by triggering your guilt with his hypnotizing voice and solemn cries. you're a toy that he never cared for. but if that toy were to be taken from him, would he contemplate the way he treated it then?

come back, come back to haunt me.

scaramouche returned home with bandages. he just couldn't find the person he needed to put the bandages on. he wandered around the house for quite a while, thinking nothing of it. he brushes it off; you probably went down to inazuma city to see your friends.

he goes into the kitchen to put the bandages away, but finds an empty roll of bandages on the counter. oh. 'i guess they won't be needing this anymore then,' scaramouche thought to himself, putting the bandages into the cabinet and tossing the roll aside.

scaramouche goes back outside and decides to wait for you. he hopefully removes his hat from his head so you could see his face first thing when he caught you in sight.

soon enough, night falls. he rubs his eye with one hand, the other one sore and aching from holding his heavy hat. he won't go back inside until he's seen you. like any other dilemma the two of you had, he'll apologize and console you with his words as you fall asleep in his arms.

that day would never come for him, not again.

won't you, won't you let me be myself?

"have you seen..." his voice trails off when he realizes the looks of disgust your friends give him. his eyes go dark as they continue to whisper, acting as if he wasn't there.

"i feel bad for them but seriously, a harbinger?"

"it's fine, we should look after them. i'm glad they finally told us about him, it's no wonder they were so off lately."

scaramouche's shoulders sink. "s-so, you know where they are, right? can you please tell me, i just want to talk-" he's stammering in between gasps, not even realizing he's on the verge of bursting into tears. one of them grimaces at his look of agony. "leave them alone, you've done enough damage to them."

if scaramouche, had a heart, he swore it would have skipped a beat in that moment. "damage? no, no, you must be mistaken! i love them!" scaramouche's temper began to rise. who were they to tell him how you felt for him?

"stop it, please. they told us to tell you that they don't want to carry on with this relationship."

"archons, they were right, he really would chase after them. what a psycho..."

scaramouche felt the air knock out of his lungs almost instantly. 'they've got it all wrong, we're going to be okay, (name). i love you, i love you, i love you-' he stands there, watching your friends leave him heartbroken and in pain.

i was holding on but you didn't see my shots baby.

"i'm going to make it up to you, but i don't want to sleep alone." scaramouche whimpers to himself, curling into a pathetic position on the cold bed. his hands cover his ears as he shudders, startling from the booming noise of thunder and the creaking of the house.

his eyes are tightly shut, scared that if he opened them, he would see a horrid figure in the dark. what a child...

he blindly reaches around for your hand like he usually did, to tightly squeeze it to reassure him that you were there; you would keep him safe from any dangers within the night. you even said it yourself. "i may not have your strength, but i'm good at handling the night, alright? whatever scares you, i'll take care of you."

"take care of me, (name)... stay with me..."

all the times that I couldn't speak my thoughts well maybe.

at the tsaritsa's palace, scaramouche's fatui subordinates would be lying if they said the balladeer wasn't different. his eyes clearly showed signs of exhaustion and he was much too tired to even shout at them for a change. they thought he was a total ghost.

always moping around, mumbling your name and writing what seemed to be countless letters. it went from asking you about your day, to telling you about his day, to him writing paragraphs of apologies and so, so many 'i love you's.

whenever one of the fatui subordinates were in his office, he'd suddenly smile with empty eyes and ask, "do you have a partner or a spouse, perhaps?" scaramouche would lean back in his chair and add, "i have my own spouse. you see, they're very special because they love me even though i messed up a lot."

"i love them more than they love me. do you agree?" scaramouche would tilt his head and his aura sent shivers down the subordinate's spine. say no, he dares them.

for now, he hasn't chosen to send out a search party for you because he wanted to prove that he wasn't a psycho like your rude friend said. but still, the pain was eating away at him. every sleepless night and the guilt that was weighing him down was catching up to his mental health.

well this is what i wanted please don't feel so bad.

give him another chance. he's laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, mindlessly muttering, "our anniversary is soon. we can go anywhere you like. i have a special surprise too, so you better look forward to it and tonight, i can stay home. the tsaritsa told me to go on a break for today since..."

scaramouche turns on his side and closes his eyes. "i don't really know, but it's fine. we can have a date and i'll show all of your friends that i'm much more better than their spouses. or maybe, we can stay home and i'll cook for you. you never tasted my cooking before, but it's good, i promise you."

little conversations with no one. he hates the reality of his life and he wants nothing more than to be with you. he wouldn't care if you shouted at him or hurt him; seeing you was more than enough.

"you didn't like it when i talked about them, right? i'll talk about you, and only you this time, i promise..."

in love with a ghost please won't you come back...

© kisscara

[astonmartingf]

YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND—

— co-parenting with alonso has been smooth sailing, until he starts dropping hints that he wants to be with you again

P9 ★ SEE YOU IN MY FUTURE

amgf probably 2k words? almost 3k? idk but it's hurt/comfort! i did cry, and yes so... i'm emotional because it's ending but also... it's ENDING 😀🫵 DKXJSKDJZJ one more chapter yay!!! shout out to day6, what would this chapter be without your songs... enjoy 👍

previous ★ masterlist ★ next

You weren't sure what to expect— despite your severe reaction the past week, you're now mellowed down and calm, you think back on your conversation with Seb a few months ago before his retirement.

You definitely have not moved on, and the mention of the upcoming season definitely felt like a band-aid ripped off a bleeding wound. And all the pain and resentment you felt was now revealed beneath the familial memories you built with Ales and Fernando.

Driving up to his gate, you're instantly filled with the comfort of his private home. The place you spent most of your time outside work, and even more than your own house, with Ales and Fernando. You rub away the headache slowly building in your head, getting out of your car and meeting Fernando who greeted you out of his home.

"Are you feeling better?"

You wince away, as you take a seat on the chair opposite of him. It would be much easier if he resented you the way you did. That you'd rather he treat you unfairly in the last few years, but he's Fernando. He's the father of your son, and the man you tenderly love, even to this day.

Which only hurts more, knowing you can never fully let go of the past, despite both growing since your separation but seeing him with Ales sparked the burning hope in you. Maybe this would be the time for you and Fernando, that this might be the future you've been longing for all along.

"I'm sorry, how I reacted last week... I thought I was okay with it, but I guess I still feel the same way." You rub your arms, looking elsewhere but Fernando's eyes, knowing well he's staring right through you. You were scared and vulnerable, all throughout the years you noticed your apprehension in communicating your feelings for the sake of your relationship. And it wasn't going well for you, or for Fernando, but this time it'd be different.

"And before you say anything, I just want to say that I'm proud of you. I'm glad you still race, and for the upcoming season. I understand if you think it's too selfish of me not to come, but Ales will, I just think I'm not ready for it yet."

You gulp down your nerves, raising your head, staring head on at Alonso who is still smiling. It breaks your heart, seeing him like this— if only he'd get up and say something about how unfair it is to him.

"I understand it. You don't have to worry, I won't force you." Silence.

The room was met with silence, until you hear the sniffles coming from Fernando, leaving you frozen in your seat. As much as you hate being vulnerable in front of him, you never thought he'd cry in front of you first.

You hear his laughter, seconds after as he wipes the tears falling from him eyes.

"Please, don't worry this is not your fault... I guess you could say I'm overwhelmed. I only ever thought about this moment, I kept thinking about when we can have this talk, but you were so focused on Ales. Rightfully so, he's our son and our priority, so even though I wanted to fix what has been broken before, maybe it wasn't the time. And when we talked last night, I kept blaming myself for rushing you, because it was my fault.

And now, you're telling me yourself, I'm happy you're here. I'm happy that you told me yourself, and every day I will prove myself to be better, not just as Ales' father but as someone who is worthy to be with you. I'm sorry if I'm being emotional, I just didn't think I would come close to this again. And with you, if you resent me, I won't blame you. I resent myself every day, after you left me, and this... this is more than enough for me right now."

It wasn't long before the tears began to fall from your eyes, you only ever thought of your pain. Choosing to leave with Ales, away from Fernando— away from the years you've been together. Away from the only man you ever loved.

Your only concern was licking the wounds of what was left from Fernando, what you didn't think was how he felt all those years.

"I'm sorry... How lonely it must've felt for you all those years. Away from Ales— I promise you, this time it will be different. One day, we will be together— I know it, because I don't think I'd have it any other way than you. I love you Fernando! I still do, even after all these years—"

Closing you eyes, your hands instinctively wrap around Fernando's neck wanting him closer, pulling him from more. Hands grabbing his face, feeling the tears fall down your fingers. Wiping them away, you kiss him once more before pulling each other in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kiss you without—"

"Shhh..." You hush Fernando's worries, resting your head on his shoulder, hands trailing over his back, resting them on top of his thick hair.

"I'm happy we had this conversation as well. Thank you Fernando. Thank you for still seeing me in your future. I had so many worries, and questions— all this time, I was just a coward. A selfish coward you decided for the both of us."

Fernando shakes his head, tutting his lips, "I won't let you day those things to yourself you hear me? You are brave and courageous, understand? And I love you, even though I feel undeserving of your feeling, I will work hard to be the man who deserves it. What happened, I don't blame you. But we'll figure these things out as the time goes by, don't be a stranger?"

With blurry eyes, you remove your head from Fernando's shoulders nodding your head. "I think I need to rest for a bit, can I take a nap here for a bit?"

"You want me to pick up Ales from Lance's while you sleep?"

The mention of your son immediately brought the sparkle in your eyes, which wasn't missed by Fernando who only smiled as he tucked you in his bed. "You can rest for a while, and when you wake up, we will be here. Sleep well Amor."

You feel your eyes getting heavier as Fernando's voice begins to thin out, you feel him leave a small kiss on your forehead causing you to smile before dosing off to your sleep.

yourusername

liked by lancestroll, sebastianvettel, and 41 others

yourusername may the spark in your eye, and the fire in your heart burns brighter, lighting a flame to your path wherever you go.

★ YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND — @namgification @nebarious @minkyungseokie @viennakarma @lxclerc @booksandflowrs @c-losur3 @lichterfee @moonyzsworld @e-nonsense @vicurious28 @dannyriccsupremacy @thearchieves @welovediaaxx @vogueprincess @mael1pastry @khaylin27 @whydowesleepeachnight @iridescent-sol @celemilii @lozzamez3 @callsignwidow @hrts4scarr

[merakiui]

sk!manager!azul who offers to eat you out after you get very stressful from idol activities 😳😳😳😳

👁 👁 he gives you the whole "benefits of being sexually active as proven by science" spiel so you're more likely to agree. That, and it would be much harder to do this with just anyone or someone just as famous as yourself. No one has to know. This will be a secret between idol and manager. Even though you seem somewhat hesitant, he insists you'll feel better. Just let your manager soothe you. You're in capable hands. <3 he's so trustworthy! And hasn't he only ever wanted what's best for you?

Now his head is between your legs and he's lapping and suckling at your clit like an expert, working you open with two fingers. He alternates between fingers and mouth, and any reluctance you may have felt in the beginning quickly withers away. Within no time, you're burying your fingers in his hair and clamping your thighs together to keep him trapped there. He's removed his glasses so they won't get in the way, and every now and then the both of you meet each other's stare. You've never noticed just how beautiful his eyes are. So striking. So hypnotic,,, your brain is mush by your third orgasm, and you're panting and gasping, begging him to keep going. Not like he intends to stop. He's wanted this for years and now he finally has it. Of course he's going to be greedy!

You're not really listening to yourself when you ask him if he's dating or married. You never hear much about your manager's personal life even though he seems to know so much of yours. Azul hums against your slick cunt. Would you be upset if he was? Would you like to put a ring on him? Should he just propose to you now?

If only all of those loser fans of yours knew what you were getting up to right now. All of that nonsense about being a pure idol free of romantic entanglements and here you on squirting for him like the slutty idol you really are. :) you're just too cute. He wants you all to himself, and soon he'll have you. Soon the two of you will live a peaceful life in isolation. Somewhere quiet and slow by the sea. Doesn't that sound marvelous?

He's killed for you. Stalked you. Fucked into his hand while listening to the voicemails you'd leave him on his work phone: "Hi, Azul! Vil and I are thinking of doing a collab. Could you help me arrange something?" or "Azul, sorry for calling so late. I just remembered something important. Can you review my schedule with me again? I think I'm forgetting something you mentioned earlier today..." or "Would it look weird if I started studying to get my driver's license? Do you think that would get me in trouble? Actually, maybe we should just meet up and talk about it in person... Thanks anyways, Azul!"

You're just so perfect. Even these strictly professional voicemails are hailed as the sweetest songs. He's so depraved. Nothing like the composed, cordial manager he masquerades as. Would you hate him if you knew that? Would you look at him differently? Would you stop saying his name in that sweet, breathless voice of yours as he brings you to your end once more? Maybe it's best if you don't know. He's worked so hard to get to this point. It would be a shame to ruin things now.

Besides, what you don't know can't hurt you.

[lilasamaaa]

Miss missing you | Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genres | Angst, Hurt.

Word count | 2.1K

Warnings | Breakup, depressing thoughts, mentions of cheating.

Summary | Reader wakes up the day after her breakup with Charles and reflects on their relationship. Inspired by the song "Miss Missing You" by Fall Out Boy. Author's note | Sorry for being criminally addicted to writing sad things.

Don't panic, no, not yet

The living room shutter is closed. Impenetrable.

She has no idea how long she's been like this, slumped on her couch in the dark, her face irritated by the relentless assault of her tears. Outside, she knows life has gone on without her. She suspects the sun has risen, like every morning. That darkness has given way to light, like every morning. She even heard her neighbors in the hallway, heading to work. Like every morning.

Taking a deep breath, she feels her heart and throat tighten, tears doubling. She didn't even know she had that much water in her body. It's not just an ordinary morning. It's the first of many mornings where she will wake up with her heart in pieces.

I know I'm the one you want to forget

She remembers, a few years ago, listening to Taylor Swift's "Mr. Perfectly Fine" for days on a row. She remembers cursing Joe Jonas, she even remembers feeling so sorry for Taylor. What kind of guy breaks up with his girlfriend over the phone?

Well, Charles, apparently.

She's not stupid, not blind, not even a little naive.

She had felt it coming. Had noticed him slowly drifting away. The calls were less frequent, and the ones she managed to intercept, shorter. She knows there was someone else. Maybe multiple someones. They'd somehow stopped talking about him, about her, about them. They only talked about races, cars, airplane trips. That's the only thing that seemed to keep them together. The only thing that had brought them together in the first place. She, the daughter of the CEO of one of Ferrari's sponsors. Him, the one who wore the suit with the logo printed on it.

Cue all the love to leave my heart, It's time for me to fall apart

She wished her heart would close. She wished she could block his access to it. She wished she could reclaim it, as one might retrieve the keys to an apartment once shared. But that bastard remains wide open. It's almost embarrassing, the way her heart, cruelly empty, hopes to be filled again. To feel his warmth once more. To beat for him again.

Her mind has stopped functioning, but her heart, somehow, hasn't stopped. It keeps beating, selfishly. It keeps her alive. For what? To feel the hurt, the betrayal, the despair? Honestly, it's not worth the effort. The poor thing should have just stopped.

Now you're gone, but I'll be okay, Your hot whiskey eyes have fanned the flame

She's young. She's had flings, but she's always been the one to end them. Charles was her first serious relationship. The only significant one, actually. She didn't think the pain would be so raw, so physical. She feels like she can sense her heart crumbling a little more each time she thinks of him. She feels it in her chest, swelling, taking up space, trying to escape. It wants to leave her body. To break free from this darkened, wounded brain that suffocates it.

She's not against the idea. It can leave. She can function without it. She's almost convinced of it, if that's what it takes to feel alive again. To feel like her again.

Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight, Let the fire breathe me back to life

Her heart isn't the first to be broken. Won't be the last.

She's heard stories from friends, from close ones, who've gone through breakups. Today, she feels so foolish for feeling so little concern about those stories back then. She's always been a listening ear, an unwavering support. She's sat in bars, cafés, bedrooms, listening to stories of betrayal and broken promises, and she simply didn't believe it would ever happen to her. As if she were above the laws. Above all that. She remembers listening to tales of broken hearts like children listen to myths of dragons, of wizards, of magic.

That's what it was for her. Fantasy. Something so unreal, so inconceivable.

Even though it hurts, she has sworn to let herself feel everything. The good as well as the bad. She knows that one day, she will look back on this period of her life, and she won't be overwhelmed by sorrow and pain anymore. But today, she has to go through it, let the flames lick her body to better heal her wounds later.

Baby you were my picket fence, I miss missing you, now and then

She'd never introduced a boyfriend to her family. Never envisioned a future with anyone. Never looked at houses with anyone. But with him, she did. A few months ago, while strolling on the hills of Monaco, she'd passed by a gate behind which a stone path led to a discreet little house. She'd fallen in love with the garden bordered by trees and flowers. She'd liked the color of the gate surrounding the property. She'd even found charm in the slightly crooked chimney protruding from the roof. She'd taken a photo of the "For Sale" sign and sent it to Charles. He had responded with a series of emojis (a face with hearts for eyes, sparkles, a star, the rest she can't remember). He had promised to call to set up a visit.

She would never walk down the stone path.

Chlorine kissed, summer skin, I miss missing you, now and then

She's never been drawn to wealth. She was born into it. Penthouses, luxury cars, diamonds hold no charm in her eyes. She's always been searching for more authentic, more simple things.

One summer when Charles had suggested a yacht outing, the lovers had ended up on a poorly patched-up rowboat that was taking on water. The monacan had complained all afternoon, but she still remembers the sensation of lying against him, against his warm, salty skin, alone in the world in their small boat. A feeling that no amount of money could ever buy. A feeling that no amount of money could ever get her back.

Sometimes before it gets better, The darkness gets bigger

What had begun as sweet and innocent had taken a turn.

Times were tough. His job was demanding. Exhausting. She did her best to support him, to show him he could lean on her anytime he needed. He wouldn't talk. Little by little, she was abandoning more and more things from her daily life to dedicate herself to his. His stability. His success. His worries. Sometimes, she felt like she was losing herself, but she knew it was temporary. She thought she would soon get the old Charles back. Even when he started going out late. Even when he started coming home late. Even when he started not coming home at all.

The endless suffering hadn't brought her anything. In fact, it had taken everything from her.

The person that you'd take a bullet for, Is behind the trigger

She knew the signs, had seen them in her own parents. When they ate together, he could go through the entire meal without meeting her gaze. When she placed her hands on his body, he would sometimes shiver. Not the shiver of anticipation from the early days. The kind that suggested he didn't deserve the display of affection.

Her own friends seemed oblivious to the situation. "I ran into Charles yesterday, at the club," "I saw Charles in town with a friend", "Aren't you with Charles today?". Were they trying to pretend everything was fine to protect her? Or were they already distancing themselves from a situation they didn't want to witness?

Oh, we're fading fast, I miss missing you, now and then

She pinpointed the breaking point as her sister's wedding. How ironic, she'd thought. Celebrating love, respect, and unity when I feel none of these things in my own relationship. Charles had arrived late, his hair disheveled, tie slightly askew. She had felt tears burning behind her eyes, had bitten her cheek to hold back from exploding in the middle of the church. She refused to believe that he had done that to her. That he had disrespected her on this day, in this place. Her entire family had cast a glance in her direction, had observed the way Charles had slipped between the guests to sit next to her. Without a glance. Without a touch. Her sister, speech in hand, had taken a few seconds to start. "With you by my side, I know I can face anything," she had started saying to her husband, letting her eyes meet the teary ones of her little sister.

Making eyes at this husk, around my heart, I see through you and we're sitting in the dark

He told her everything, recounted everything to her. From what he felt in the car during a race to his latest argument with his brother. She read him like an open book, could anticipate every word, every gesture, every thought, even. To joke around, she often said she knew him better than she knew herself. Upon reflection, they got together when they were eighteen. Had she even had time to get to know herself, or had she cowardly built herself around him?

The idea of pursuing her life's journey without him terrified her. She didn't know who she was, who she wanted to be. She didn't even know if she liked herself. She sometimes wondered if he knew her as well as she knew him. If he knew her favorite color, her favorite song, her favorite season. She always ended up pushing those somber thoughts away, reminding herself that these concerns were those of a schoolgirl, and got back to her duties. To taking care of him.

So give me your filth, make it rough, Let me, let me, trash your love

She was gentle, with a calm nature, almost maternal.

She never lost her composure, never raised her voice. But she had yelled that day. When they arrived home after the church ceremony. She would never forget, and he probably wouldn't either, how her voice had broken when she had shouted three words, three little words that had been enough to shatter everything. "Who is she?".

She, who admired him so much, who thought of him as a man of the purest and most sincere nature. She had given him a chance to repent. He hadn't seized it, hanging his head low. That day, facing her anger, the pain of a betrayed woman, she'd found him so small that he was almost ridiculous. He hadn't responded, of course. Hadn't said a word.

I will sing to you everyday, If it will take away the pain

She'd stayed. She wasn't sure if love made her do it. Perhaps it was out of habit. Or masochism. But she had stayed, and life had resumed just as it was before, for a few weeks. They had started waking up side by side again, sharing their day over a meal again.

Making love, again. She hadn't even realized they had stopped touching each other, desiring each other. How long had it lasted? A week? A month? Six?

He played the piano in the evening, proclaiming a love strong and indestructible over the keys, letting his fingers glide from white to black, filling the apartment with sounds and colors that had disappeared. Of feelings that had disappeared.

Oh, and I heard you've got it, got it so bad, 'Cause I am the best you'll ever have

She had let herself dream of the life before.

A life where Charles had only touched her, only tasted her. A life where she didn't discreetly grab his phone every night when his breathing indicated he was asleep. A life where she didn't send messages to Carlos at all hours of the day and night to find out where he was, with whom he was when she wasn't there. A life where her sister didn't regularly tell her how worried she was about her, finding her too thin, too stressed, too distracted.

So, she had left. She had left the spare keys he had given her on the dining table. She had fled his apartment and returned to hers, the one she had just planned on returning the keys to the owner, ready to move in permanently with him. She had spent three days alone, spending entire days in the dark. Ignoring the messages and calls of her mother, her father, her sister. Carlos, too.

Baby you were my picket fence,

By the end of the third day, he had finally called, and after three rings, she had picked up.

Neither of them had spoken for several seconds.

Then, he had done it. For the first time in months, he had been honest with her.

"It's not working anymore," he had sighed into the phone. "I can't do it anymore."

She had hung up.

Lain down on the sofa.

Waited for the day to save her from the night.

I miss missing you, now and then,

Now and then.

[volturiprincess]

You kill me

Caius Volturi x Vampire mate

Summary: Mated to the Ruthless Volturi King Warnings: Language, mentions of death, Angst, Caius internal thoughts 🤭 A/N: I kept changing my mind of how I wanted to write hence why it took me like 2 weeks to work on it, there will be a part two to this. Also this was inspired by the song "Me Matas" by Eslabon Armado, at this point its like a mini series of One-Shots being inspired by this group. Second A/N in the end. Enjoy :) Word Count: 4k+ (Didn't realize it was that long)

________________________________________________________

(I loved him in this era, gold is his color, but he looks so good in red also)

“Well brother it appears you have found your mate”

I looked up at Aro who was looking at Caius. Mate? Whoever it is. I am so sorry for them. I have heard stories about Caius being this ruthless king who had no sympathy for human life, much to what my twin brother Carlisle has told me but he did say that Caius did have a love for the arts. Still I never had the chance to even meet the kings or anyone in Volterra, from the time my brother was part of this coven I was in South America exploring as always. The only reason why I'm even in Volterra was because Edward decided he wanted to kill himself for the reason he thought that Bella was dead. Alice brought me along not really telling me why, only said she needed my help.

So now I am here in the throne room staring at the other three kings. I could feel the blonde one staring at me but I avoided eye contact. Aro with his creepy like gaze swiftly moved toward me and my family,

“It is an honor to finally meet the infamous sister of Carlisle, may I?”

He extended his hand and I knew what he wanted. Carlisle told me about Aro, so I obliged without wanting to put the kids in danger. With one touch I relived every thought and memory I have ever had, it was strange seeing everything I have been through flash before my eyes. I pulled my hand away when I heard a slight hiss. It didn't come from Aro but it did leave me curious. 

“Magnifico! You will make a wonderful mate to my brother and a perfect addition to this coven”

My eyes widened at his words, what does he mean mate to his brother. ME. Since when? How?

“I beg to pardon?”

“It appears you are the mate to my brother Caius”

No way, the mate to the blonde, I was just badwording him a minute ago and now I'm his mate. Instant karma for me. My eyes then wandered slowly to the blonde and he already had his gaze on me, just from his face I can tell he was displeased with the unraveling events. I felt a small hand grab me and I looked slightly into the eyes of the one I was the closest to, Alice. 

“You knew didn't you?”

She looked down and I knew I got my answer, I looked up at Edward who had a flabbergasted look and cling more to Bella. Now I'm starting to think if Carlisle knew about this, did Alice tell him and Esme, my eyes widened slightly at the thought that I might never see my family again. I didn't even want to look at anyone in this room, not even the piercing blood red eyes that belong to my now mate. Aro was the one to break the silence

“Well with that cleared why don't we go on with the plan”

I totally forgot why we were here, I also forgot that Aro was on the verge to kill Bella and as much as I don't really like her, I might as well do one more thing for my family 

“That won't be necessary Aro”

The raven head looked at me with a look of curiosity 

“Why’s that?”

“What if we made a deal?”

I could literally see the spark or interest in his eyes, he looked like a child who was going to be rewarded with a prize for behaving. He nodded toward me to continue

“You spear my family and I stay”

What surprise me was Caius was the one to speak up next

“No deal, that human is a liability, she knows to much”

I looked at the blonde with narrowed eyes

“What if my family promised to change her soon?”

Nobody dared to talk but Aro piped in

“If they follow through with the promise then we will allow it, but you remain here and they go”

I nodded and then instantly a guard who had such elegance that would put the Greek gods themselves to shame led my family out and I was about to reach out for them when a beast of a man grabbed me. I looked up at the giant and my initial thought for a minute was “Why is he good looking?How can he be so tall and…have muscle in all the right places, again the greek gods themselves would be jealous”, That hiss sound was heard again and the giant let go of me. I looked around the throne room for where that hiss came from but everyone seemed to stand in the same place as before. Aro gave instruction to the twins who I remember my brother told me about, Alec and Jane, to take me to Caius private chambers. At the mention of that I almost wanted to make a run for it. The two led me away and I felt Caius' gaze on me the whole time as I was leaving the room.

Eventually I was left alone in the room, I had to admit it was a lovely room, it did seem fit for a king but also for a man of art. I felt strange being in his room alone, I don't even know the vampire and now I have to be with him for eternity. This is also unfair, why couldn't I at least say goodbye to my brothers kids, I might never see them or my brother again, I just got back from traveling and was set to settle down with my brothers coven for once. I only got 5 years with them. Maybe it's my fault for always wanting to explore and be on my own but life was cut short for me and I never got that chance when I was human.

Mine and Carlisle’s father forbade me to go out without my brother by me, I couldn't even go down the street to get a loaf of bread for dinner alone. Not that I don't love spending time with my

brother, but I always had that curiosity to go be alone and explore the world. Until that fateful day of my ‘death’, it happened after Carlisle was pronounced ‘dead’, and from that father was more strict than ever, I never got a chance to get a breath of fresh air, day and night at home; cleaning, cooking, reading, sewing, and etc. It got repetitive very quickly, so I decided one night to run away. That night I knew my father was away on another vampire hunt, so I knew I would be alone. I packed a small bag and went out by the back door. So far my journey was good, I decided to head off to York, I read books about this town and the gothic architecture was a must see. 

I had a good 10 miles away from my home, when it happened, I was walking along this path in the woods when two random men came out of the blue and took advantage of me. They left me there barely breathing and in my growing cold blood. I was minutes away from dying when a familiar face came into my hazyview, I knew who it was and before I could even say his name everything went black. It was not until days later I woke up in a small clearing and Carlisle came into view and explained everything to me. I was glad to see my twin alive but at the same time I was not thrilled with the idea that I had to drink human blood. Me and Carlisle with time discovered the concept of drinking animal blood and that helped. Soon after we were accustomed to the life of vampires we parted ways. I wanted to travel but he wanted to spend time in Italy. 

At this moment  I wished I stayed with my brother this whole time but then that meant I would have met my mate sooner and would have not met my brother’s coven. My mate…I was always curious to find out who they would be, I could see how my brother and Esme looked at each other, or how my brother’s children looked at their significant other, even Edward for once looked happy. I never knew I would even find them, I spent a lot of time alone and didn't really think about settling down or even finding my mate in this lifetime. I thought for sure I was destined for solitude, but it appears I was destined to be with the ruthless Volturi King. 

Speaking about him I didn't even notice he came into the room and was seated in one of his Victorian burgundy styled sofas. I blinked a couple of times to make sure I was not seeing things but he spoke up 

“You should really learn to be aware of your surroundings, I even gave you a kiss on the forehead and you didn't even notice or flinched”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I saw he had a slight smirk on his face, he was teasing me. I didn't even know whether to be surprised or pissed at this, in different circumstances I would have joked back. In a blink of an eye he was in front of me, towering over me, I would have looked up at him but I wanted to stand my ground. I felt him lift my chin up and I faced his bright ruby red eyes that seemed so enchanting. 

I tried to avoid eye contact but his eyes were like a lure, once you got a glimpse there was no way to look away. He started to lean in until he was inches away from my lips, “keep it together y/n, keep it together y/n”. But then Blondie whispered “Con tempo” and he was gone. I was relieved but at the same time I had a hint of intrigued.

Flashback….

Year 1700 – From the stories I have heard from the townspeople and from our father, they made the vampire life seem so horrible, that a vampire is only seen as a monster. But I have never felt such a peace like state, from being controlled, to losing my brother, to my ‘death’, I finally have forever to be free with my brother. And as of right now me and him are laying in an open field in the outskirts of Italy, gazing at the stars as we have been doing the past 30 years already. 

“They had it all wrong, did they not, lyle?”

“I can not say I disagree but you have a point, I would've never pictured our life to turn like this”

Life really has never been better than this moment. I appreciated the times me and Carlisle would spend at night talking about the latest book we read or how we want to further our education in medicine and the arts. I want to travel more but it seems he has other plans. I can sense it.

“Just say it, I know there is something”

In the corner of my eye I saw that he took an unnecessary breath. I knew what he was about to say would hurt me, he always did that when he had to break bad news to me, even when we were little, he always acted like the big brother.

“I was confronted by a coven of Vampires, they call themselves the Volturi, they been around for millennials, they favor the arts and science, and they have more knowledge than any human could ever dream of knowing and they have an impressive collection of books on everything, they offered us a spot into their coven, I said I would talk it out with you first”

I knew he made his decision, I knew this is something he has always wanted to do, he wanted to know more about the background knowledge of Vampires and more on old medicine and arts. Even that intrigued me but that would mean I would have to settle down and live out my life in some coven and stay in one place for eternity.

“Carlisle…you know I would never want to stop you from your education, I was the one who persuaded you to have an interest in the medical field, so I'm not going to be one to hold you back, I would rather die than to stop you from this.”

“I figured you would not want to join, I thought that maybe I would be able to convince you. I don't like being separated from you, your everything I have left of family”

I looked at him with a saddened look

“I know Lyle, but you know I don't like to be contained in one place forever, I need to be out and about, exploring and having the life I never got the chance to have”

He sits up looking out in the open field, I know he really wants me to join him, and I want to but there's still so much to explore still. Sitting up also I extend a hand toward him and a Lily flower bloomed within my hand, he looks at it with awe 

“A Lily Flower? Mothers favorite…”

I gave him a small smile “It took me a while to learn how to create it, still not used to having this ability but I only managed to create a Tulip, next time I see you I will show you a whole garden of flowers”

End of Flashback.

We had that conversation over 300 years ago already. Even when we finally did reunite and I lived with him and his coven, I didnt show him what I was working on with the time I was away from him. I am actually outside in the Volturi gardens creating a whole new garden with fresh new flowers that are both rare and exotic but also some common ones. I think what fascinated Aro about my ability is that I can create poisonous flowers that can knock out even the strongest of vampires out cold (I accidentally knocked him out the first month I was here for 5 days straight). And that was already 5 months ago since that “accident”, from that Aro just let me be in the garden alone and doesn't dare interrupt me unless I request his audience. 

With my short time here, I actually became close to Marcus. Even though it took a while to get him to talk to me, I  caught him in the gardens one day and I saw he was overlooking a dying yellow lily. I instantly healed it, he turned to me slowly with a very small but very pleased look, he mentioned later that it was his late wife's favorite flower. He reminded me of Carlisle, we tend to talk a lot about plants and philosophy, we even had small arguments on certain philosophies. With Aro from the accident I'm still wary about him, he creeps me out sometimes and when he does that one laugh I don't know whether to hold in a laugh or wonder how such a laugh can come out of him. With the elite guards, we are slowly building trust with each other. Just the other day I managed to make Felix and Demetri laugh when I accidentally made an “erotic" looking plant. They reminded me of Emmett and Jasper. As with Jane and Alec, they are still wary of me, but I can see they are starting to warm up to me.

And how can I forget Caius? Having him as a mate has been interesting. I don't see him as often but when I do, he does a tactic of a quick and go. I could be doing something as reading a book in the King's private library when he appears and leaves a longing of his aura and then vanishes. It frustrates me so I decided to just ignore him. 

Caius POV:

As soon as Jane came in with our “guest”, I felt a strange pull and was overcomed by the strong smell of roses. It was an addicting smell, I must know who it's coming from. I notice the human and internally I'm thinking “all this dramatic antics for this human? This Cullen boy was all set to end his immortal life because of her?” even I'm not that dramatic. I scanned the rest of the entourage and one of them reassembled as a human sized fairy, she’s almost the polar opposite of Jane. I didn't pay much attention to her for it being one of them caught me completely off guard. My mate… she's breathtaking, just from her looks I can tell she has an eye for art like me. Sadly her eyes are gold like the rest of the Cullen coven but that can easily be changed with time. It was not until Aro said she is Carlisle's twin sister that I lost it internally.

Why is life so unfair? Millenniums of existing and waiting for my mate to come along to find out she's the sister to the one person I absolutely despise . Out of everyone why a Cullen? The minute that “Vegetarian Doctor” left my respect for him vanished. But why is she avoiding eye contact with me? What has that Carlisle said about me? Great, I barely find out she's my mate and she hates me. Why would she hate me? I like to think I'm straightforward and speak my mind without hesitation, what is there not to like about me? I'm also quite dashing myself if I must say, I take a great deal of myself and I at least don't have that weird laugh Aro has.

As if on cue I heard Aro do that said strange laugh and I was snapped out of my thoughts to see Aro was holding her hand to read her thoughts, without a thought I hissed in displeasure. She's my mate, nobody can touch her but I. Have I always been possessive? Didn't think of myself as the possessive type, I'm just being reasonable. I must know what Aro has seen from her, I want to know everything there is to know about her, everything she has seen and done. Hopefully she has not been with another man or even a woman, I'm not judgemental, but it seems I also have a jealous side. What is wrong with me today? I am suddenly having all of these out of character personality, I blame her. 

When she offered a deal, my anger took over and I said no deal, even if she said she was going to stay. Of course she's going to stay, she's my mate, in no way was I going to let her walk away after I waited millenniums for her. After my little outburst on her Aro said for Felix to take her to my chambers but the way she looked at him when she was grabbed by him made my eye twitch involuntary, I did that hiss sound and Felix immediately let go. 

When the throne room was set for clear I had to go see her up close. When I arrived at my private chambers I noticed she was in a trance like state, as if reliving a past memory. Wanting to respect her I waited it out. She did after a while and that is when I striked first, with my speed I was in front of her gazing down on her, she's more beautiful up close. I think I might like the color amber now, the way her eyes are so full of light and warmth is so wonderful to witness. I leaned in thinking I might kiss her but I decided to tease her. I want her to be the one to break first even if I'm already secretly hopelessly falling for her.

Y/n POV

It has been a very confusing couple of weeks. I think I'm conflicted with whether I should keep ignoring Caius by not being flirty in return like he has been with me or should I just reciprocate the same behavior toward him. Trust me I do want to get out of this weird faze we are dealing with but the way that man is so bipolar sometimes is astonishing to witness. Our latest incident resulted in Felix and Demetri carrying me out of the library while Aro and Marcus consulted with Caius. The funny thing is Caius walked in all suave and flirty.

“You know I always find it difficult to look at you without falling in love with you”

Not wanting to give him a satisfaction that his words made me feel a certain way, I brushed him off

“So don't look at me, it's that simple”

“That simple? Have you no idea that when I look at you, all of the beautiful work you do in the gardens is put to shame with your beauty, how your voice is sweeter than the richest of blood, or how your eyes have conquered me?” he scoffs “As if that's simple amore”

I shut my book and set it on the table already getting sick and tired of his little suppose clever tactic to get me to confess my undying love to him

“You know you walk in here all suave and seductive or whatever you call this, and then you leave before I can say anything, in the 4 months I have been here, not once have you sat down with me and had a full on conversation with me”

“Well i'm a king, im busy, I have matters to take care of, things you would not know how to deal with”

Now it was my turn to scoff at him

“Busy? With what? I have talked with Marcus and he says you mostly are in the throne room looking at old text that I bet you have read at least a thousand times so far, your just avoiding me because i'm a Cullen, I am well aware you despise my brother and his coven”

That for sure shut him up but unfortunately what I said fuelled his anger.

“How dare you speak to me like that! Conspiring behind my back with my own brother! I have done nothing but be patient with you and been a great mate to you!?”

How can he say such a thing about being a great mate when there are times I don't see him for days and when he does appear it's only for a couple of minutes.

“You are unbelievable, you being a great mate to me? How can you say that when one) I don't even see you that often. two) you haven't even bothered to talk about actual things instead you seduce me and three) you just assume every time you flirt with me that I like it or I will return the favor. Well news flash I don't like it, maybe my brother was right about you”

Using his vampire speed he was up in my face in an instant glaring down on me, I might not be able to read his thoughts but just with his eyes you can see how pissed he is.

“Your brother!! Are you also conspiring with him about me behind my back! Some mate you are to me. I have been patient with you, I have been all sweet talk with you. How am I supposed to know what you like and don't like if you never speak up, I was starting to think you are mute”

I could now feel my own anger rising at his words

“Well maybe if you actually took time in your supposed busy day to sit down and talk to me I would start to open up to you and be more affectionate with you but I never say anything because you always vanish in a blink of an eye. Your so childish for doing that, hiding from someone who is a whole foot shorter than you, pathetic”

In all of my decades of existing as a Vampire, I have never been caught off guard until now. I was in a literal chokehold as I was kissed deeply by Caius. WAIT he's kissing me? H-how did this even happen? I was absolutely horrified by the turn of events. My reflexes finally kicked in I pushed him away roughly from me and I took several steps away from him. How dare he kiss me like that without my permission? Who the fuck does he think he is to even do such an action on me? To add to that, the freaking blonde had a small smirk but his eyes held a bit of pain and shock. I haven't the slightest idea of what to do next, I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy the kiss but I didn't want our first kiss to be like this. 

We just stood in silence, I wanted to say something but I don't know what exactly, I must have been too deep in thought because when I looked up he was gone. 

A/N: Ooooo cliffhanger, I had to do it, part two will come out at some point (to be honest I have not started to work on it yet but I have a basic idea of how it will end).

[bluehourbucky]

Question...

pairing: bucky x reader

summary: bucky has been acting suspicious so you finally ask him where he's spending his nights/ more like with who

tw: cheating; gaslighting; angst;

a/n: not proof read/ English is not my first language so pls be nice /

suffice to say this was very vagely inspired by taylor swifts song question

MASTERLIST

part 2

"IT'S JUST A QUESTION!" you yelled at your soon to be ex, Bucky.

You were in the middle of an argument with your boyfriend, who you have been suspicious of for a while, and you have finally snapped and asked the question.

"I already told you. I had reports to write." another lie has come through Buckys mouth and it took everything in you not to leave without fighting.

Bucky has been coming home later and later every night for the last couple of months, you tried to trust him, and you did at the beginning, but whatever has been going on it has been going on a while.

"How dare you lie to me! Everyone knows! Our friends look at me like I'm the biggest idot on Earth! Do you understand how embarrassing that is!?" your voice cracking, tears ready to spill.

The party you had attended last night had been the breaking point, worst of all it was your own birthday party.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

It was almost midnight and your birthday was approaching, party had been going on for two hours by now, and you were enjoying yourself.

Greetings and hugs were exchanged, lots of dancing during your favourite songs. Everything was perfect, well almost, Bucky still hasn't arrived and you were starting to think he won't come at all. A message notification gets your attention. Speak of the devil.

bucky: sorry doll be there soon love you

"Hey, you okay?" Natasha had asked you seeing your face fall. You faked a smile and pulled her to the dance floor, not in the mood to talk about it, today was supposed to be a good day.

Bucky arrives 10 minutes later, unfortunately not alone, he arrived with Sharon. Sharon has been a good friend of everyone in the group, and you liked her she was very nice to you, but recently you've had this bad feeling.

Bucky runs up to you, picks you up, and kisses you. It was easy to forget that you're angry and disappointed when he kisses you like that.

The moment is ruined when you hear people laugh. Bucky looks at the time and pulls away. You stand there feeling embarrassed, with everyone's eyes on you, you disassociate. Your hands grow cold even though you're sweating, music making you overwhelmed, but you just can't move.

Only when you feel Buckys hands on you, you're pulled back to reality. He starts leading you to the table where your cake stands, everyone starts clapping and singning happy birthday, the candles on the cake burning, their light reflecting in your teary eyes.

No one notices that they're not tears of joy, because why would they? It's your birthday you can't be sad on your special day.

You blow out the candles, and as soon as the cake is cut, you run outside to take a breath of fresh air in hopes of it calming you down.

You're not outside for long before you hear two familiar voices talking.

"Do you have to go? It's still early." Buckys voice echoes though the empty alley way, where the exit from the place is. He doesn't notice you sitting away in the corner on some empty wooden boxes, despite his senses.

"I gotta go. Tomorrow same time?" Sharon replies and Bucky nods and waves goodbye, she sits down in the uber and drives away....

You sit there trying to process this, trying to convince yourself that it's all in your head, it doesn't mean anything, but you know that's not true and you're done.

The time flies and it's time to go home, and on the way to the apartment you barely say anything, which Bucky takes as you being tired.

But as soon as you step into the apartment you finally ask

"How long have you been fucking Sharon?"

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

Bucky still doesn't look at you and tries to brush you off but you weren't having it, so you pull him by the shirt.

"Look at me,when you're talking to me!" you say through gritted teeth before noticing a row hickeys on Buckys neck making you drop the shirt instantly.

You're speechless, your hand covers your mouth trying to hold off the sob that was about to escape.

Bucky also stays unmoving not knowing how to get out of this, he didn't mean to,it wasn't supposed to happen.

The first time it happened it was after one of the work parties, he was drunk, Sharon was drunk and mistakes were made. He planned on telling you but he just couldn't. You're too kind too sweet and didn't deserve to have your heart broken.

It was eating him up, but he couldn't let you find out, so after finishing a report he goes to Sharon's office to tell her that what happened the night before was a mistake and wouldn't happen again, he asked her to keep the secret from everyone. However he had found himself once again in her bed, and it just never stopped.

It's not that Bucky didn't love you, he did or that's what he kept telling himself. He didn't mean for it to go this far but now it's too late.

"I'm sorry." Bucky finally says after deafening silence that's been going on for far too long.

You're still frozen in place not knowing what to do. Bucky is the man you thought you would marry, spend the rest of your life with. You were sure he was the one, all the smiles and laughs he gave you, the late night kisses, the pillow forts, the promises.... Everything crashing down on you all at once.

"How long? Please tell me the truth, you owe me that much." Your voice just above a whisper.

"Four months."

Buckys answer doesn't surprise you, but it does break you. You don't say anything just nod and start to pack your bags. Bucky doesn't do anything to stop you, he just stays out of your way. And you leave without another word.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

/month later/

It took a while for you to get used to living alone, since you've been living with Bucky for the last 3 years. You hadn't had the time to mourn the loss of you relationship as you were too busy adjusting.

There were unfortunately things you had yet to pick up from yours and Buckys place, and today was the day you're finally going back, for the first time since that day.

As much as it hurt you to go back you really needed your stuff. You text Bucky you're close and he replies with an okay. If you had kept your key the night you left you wouldn't have to see him but alas.

"Hey." Bucky openes the door and greets you, but you just walk past him towards the bedroom.

"I hadn't touched anything. I haven't even slept in our bed." you cringe at the words *our bed* but still say nothing.

Bucky hovers around the door watching you pack, which makes you nervous, not an emotion you ever thought would be caused by him.

"Are you still with her?" you shamefully ask while picking up a dress Bucky got you for your first anniversary, deciding it was better not to bring it.

"Yeah." Bucky says quietly opting not to lie, even though you wish he had lied.

"That's nice. I'm sure that's suitable." you reply swallowing hard.

It doesn't take more than half an hour to pack the rest of your stuff, you pick up the suit case and look around, your heart breaking more every passing second.

Bucky asks if you need help, you deny it quickly and head for the door.

As soon as door opens, you walk out without turning around or saying goodbye. He doesn't deserve it and you both know it.

|the end|

part 2

hope you enjoyed <3

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

[stars4anakin]

The way I loved you —⁠ ANAKIN SKYWALKER

summary: when arguing with Anakin you confess your feelings

warnings: master/padawan relationship (one-sided), reading situations horribly, arguments, ANGST.

pairings: Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

a/n: this is very bad but this concept wouldn't leave my head..

songs i listened to while writing this:

The way I loved you - Taylor Swift

Majorie - Taylor swift

Illicit Affairs - Taylor Swift

Drabble ... MASTERLIST

"How could you have been so reckless!"

You furrowed your brows, drawing your arms closer over your chest, "It wasn't my fault, Anakin!" You shouted, You didn't want to cry, You weren't scared, or sad, just angry. You couldn't help it. You hated that you cried when you were angry, it made you feel weak.

"Really?" He scoffed, stepping closer than he was before, his harsh words cutting through the air like a knife. "Tears?"

"Why are you being so mean!" You pushed against him, trying to get space between you two.

"I'm teaching you a lesso-"

"The only thing you're teaching me is how much of a mistake Master Yoda made. You are selfish! You don't care for me, for your squadron! Only you and the senator!" Maybe if there weren't tears falling down your face, he would've taken you seriously, but he didn't. He only got closer, again, his presence like a dark cloud enveloping you. "Don't act like you know me."

"I saved the Senator. I protected the squadron. How can you blame me?" Your voice cracked with every word, and you pleaded, "I..."

"The Senator shouldn't have been in any danger in the first place!"

This wasn't the Anakin you knew. He had always been calm and composed, treating you as an equal. Now, he acted superior, and you didn't want to argue with him. He was your best friend, your mentor, the person you loved.

"I couldn't sense any danger, Anakin." You said, softly this time, your words carrying a profound sorrow. "I was assigned to protect the Senator, and I feel I've done that. She's okay."

He shook his head, his jaw tightening, and his anger remained strong, scarily strong. "And if she wasn't?"

"What then, Anakin?" You closed your eyes, your voice barely a murmur. You wished he cared for you like this, fighting for your safety. But that was a wish that would never come true. And then, almost involuntarily, you whispered, "I love you, Anakin." It was as if you wanted to end the argument or let the truth out while everything was already in ruins.

After a long pause, his anger wavered, and your eyes finally opened. "An-And you're scaring me. I don't want to fight."

He sighed and rubbed his temples, "I'm sorry, but I need to talk to the Council. I can't continue your training."

"What?" Panic and regret surged within you.

Maybe if you kept your mouth shut, if you protected the Senator like you were assigned to, you would be laughing with Anakin about something, congratulating each other with another win against the separatists. But you didn't. Now you're here, grabbing onto his wrists, his arms, shoulders, trying—begging—him to stop, to think about this, "Anakin, listen to me. Please?"

He turned around, looking down into your eyes.

"I made a mistake. I know, but-but I want to forget this happened, I want to go to sleep and wake up in the morning to you knocking at my door, complaining how I never get up in time--"

"I can't continue your training."

"You're not hearing me!"

"I am," he replied coldly, "but what you said won't go away."

You tried to argue again, but he beat you to it, "I don't love you. Is that what you want to hear?"

"No," you whispered, the tightness in your throat becoming unbearable.

"You were right. Master Yoda made a mistake making me your master."

You hated the feeling of your throat tightening, the pain it caused, and the way your body told you, you were about to cry. You shook your head, breathing became difficult, your ears rang, and you heard Anakin faintly calling your name. Your vision blurred, and you continued to retreat, pushing away anyone who tried to reach out to you. The crying was loud and echoing. "I wish I had never joined the Order," you sobbed, your voice filled with pain, "I wish..." You fought to finish your sentence, fighting against your own sobs, "I wish I never met you. I hate you."

[c1tr1sfl0w3rs]

Soft!dark!Ethan Landry x pastors!daughter!reader P2

18+ NSFW P1

Your father was a man of God. He taught you the bible and what was right and what was wrong. What happened between you and Ethan, went against everything he had ever taught you.

After it happened you were overwhelmed with guilt, you even took off your purity ring because you couldn't be a liar on top of a whore.

Ethan was a gentleman, which surprised you. The words of your father echoed in your head "Never give it up to a boy before marriage, because once they have what they want they'll leave you looking like a foolish whore." He wasn't like that, he went above and beyond for you, little gifts every day flowers, chocolates or coffee. Ethan reassured you, that what you did together was normal and there was nothing to be ashamed of. He even stayed when you found out you were pregnant. (Of course you didn't know this is what he had wanted.)

You were panicking, how were you going to tell your father? You couldn't get rid of the baby, and lord Ethan stood by you the whole time. He said he would support any choice you made but told you he wanted to keep it, and raise the baby together.

Both of you had made up your mind, you were keeping the baby, which means you had to tell your father. So you decided to soften the blow by calling your mother and arranging a dinner, you said it was so they could meet your boyfriend. The happy giggles from your mother lessened your anxiety, she would be more understanding than your dad, and she would calm him down, get him to forgive you when the time came.

--------------------------------------------------

The dinner was surprisingly pleasant. Ethan and your mother were getting along good, your father was in a better mood than you thought he would be. As the dinner was wrapping up Ethan volunteered to help your mom with the dishes giving you room to talk to your father.

"So daddy, what do you think of him?" Your voice came out stronger than you expected. "He seems like a good kid, I'm just not sure about him yet." The whole dinner you had been very careful about not drawing attention to your hands, so no one would notice your absent ring.

"Dad, I have to tell you something very important. Please promise me you won't be mad?" He looked at you curiously. "Honey I could never stay mad at you, you can tell me anything." Liar, you knew he was lying but you couldn't avoid telling him the truth any longer. "I'm pregnant, and it's Ethan's." You said so quietly you didn't think he heard you, however the way his whole body became tense told you he did.

He put a hand over his eyes, sprt of squeezing his temples. He did some sort of chuckle, your anxiety heightened. You could feel this was about to get ugly. "So that son of a bitch inside made a liar and whore outta my daughter?" He asked so calmly and your tears began to fall. "I'm sorry dad, but he loves me and said he'd stick by me no matter what, he's a good guy."

"So if any guy told you that you'd just spread your legs for them, you're dumber than I thought." The tears turned into sobs at that point. He stood up and made his way into the kitchen. You could hear your father yelling obscenities at Ethan, and Ethan trying to calm him down. Your mother also began to raise her voice telling your dad to back down. All you could do was cry though. What had you expected? This was the consequences of your actions. As the yelling got worse you couldn't take it anymore and went to go sit on the porch.

The warm air felt freeing. The setting sun comforting you, the chirping birds song distracting you from your thoughts and the shouts from inside.

It was a while before your mother beckoned you back inside where she took a seat at the dining table next to you father and across from Ethan. Who you say next to, the second you were sat he took your hand and ran his calming thumb over the back of your hand.

"Sweetheart, your father and I were talking about it and he compromised on a solution. We'll support you both through this if you get married." Your father wouldn't look you in the eye and you knew he would probably disown you if you said no. The problem was you didn't know if that's what Ethan wanted. The both of you were so young and you didn't kno-

Ethan's voice cut you out of your thoughts. "I want to, I'll do it if you want to baby." His attention now turned to you.

Those pesky tears came back and you fell into his arms. He held you so tight but not on a suffocating way, in a way that the ache in your heart lessened.

"We want to get married." Your voice finally spoke, it was shaky and scratchy from crying but it was there.

"Oh honey" your mom came over and hugged you tight. "It'll have to be a quick wedding, but this is so amazing, welcome to the family Ethan."

--------------------------------------------------

The wedding was indeed fast, before you started showing. It was simple but beautiful, your side of the family was surprised but supporting.

Your father had been practically silent since that dinner. At least towards you, but when he walked you down the aisle he gave you a quick hug before letting you go and you knew he had forgiven you.

The ceremony was short and sweet, Ethan's vows were breathtaking, they made you cry. You felt your vows were enough but nothing compared to his. You had your first kiss as wife and husband. Ethan was an aweful dancer, he almost made you fall multiple times. His warm hands over yours as you cut the cake together and fed it to eachother.

You were over the moon and after the wedding was over Ethan took you back to your shared apartment. As you both took off layers of your complex yet beautiful outfits he began to speak.

"Bunny you were so pretty today, had to hold myself back from bending you over and splitting you open on my cock in front of everyone." He came up behind you massaging your shoulders then he leaned real close to your ear "Do you want me to split you open? Make you cry and come until you're all dumb in the head?" His tone was so condescending but the way his breath tickled your cheek. You felt warmth spreading through you, the kind only he knows how to pull from you. "Please Ethan, please please plea-" He laughed, hands that were once massaging your shoulders now pulling down the straps of your gown. Letting it fall to the floor. "Begging already and I haven't even done anything, it's ok I know how desperate you get. Go wait on the bed for me wifey."

You say on the bed patiently waiting for your husband to come take care of you, like he always did. The hormones from the baby made you need him so much it almost hurt.

He finally came in. Only wearing his dress pants. He looked so good, his exposed upper half. His chocolate curls and that mischievous look in those puppy eyes.

"Look at you baby. God you're so pretty."

He walked towards you until he stood between your open legs. Ethan leaned down and you met his lips in a hungry kiss. His tongue lead yours and you moaned into his mouth.

He broke the kiss and gave you the most sinful smile. He fell to his knees, his head leaned against your pillow like thighs. He kissed up and down your legs. Sucking a mark right next to your core.

"Bunny you're so wet." He said as he pulled your panties to the side, your slit dripping for him. He licked a stripe up your folds and you let out a broken moan.

He started to suck on your clit as his fingers teased your opening. It felt so good, there was no way this could be a sin. The man has to be an angel.

His long thick fingers pushed into you and curled up, hitting that special spot. Your thighs tightened around his head as you moaned and moaned.

He ate you like a starved man, getting you closer to that edge. "Oh Ethan, I'm gonna-" You couldn't even say it. The wave of euphoria engulfed you. You clenched around him and he helped you ride it out, but he didn't stop after you came no he kept going at the same pace. He lapped at your clit and fucked you with his fingers. "It's too much, Ethan please." You tried to pull away but his hand on your hip kept you anchored. "I'm not done with you. You can take it." He said quickly then went back to devouring you. The second orgasm came embarrassingly quickly, and somewhat painfully. You were so overstimulated but he just kept going.

Your head was foggy, all you could do was moan. Ethan had been between your legs for what seemed like forever. You don't even know how many times you had come. "Etha- oh God please I can't" you said, voice scratchy as you tried to get away from his overwhelming touch. He didn't say anything, just sped up his efforts between your legs. You came again, except this time you squirted in his mouth. He made sure none of it went to waste, and finally he moved away from your sore pussy. He looked at you like you were the most precious thing ever, and to him you were. Legs shaking like a baby deer, tears down your face and a cute gushing pussy. You were his own paradise. He looked just as disheveled, your slick running down his chin, curls a mess from you tugging on them and his aching dick, bulging out of his dress pants.

He pulled his pants and boxers down, and held onto his aching cock. The tip flushed red leaking precum. Then he slid your sticky panties down your trembling legs. "Hope you didn't think I was done yet bunny. Need to feel your sweet pussy." You moaned at his words and knew you were gonna feel him for days after this.

He gave you no warning, he just pushed inside you, your previous orgasms making it easy. He let out a pathetic moan as he began to fuck you at a brutal pace. His hips pistoning into yours. His pubic bone hitting your sensitive clit and his balls slapping against your ass. You couldn't think or feel anything but him, not even noticing you were drooling all over your sheets. "Awh poor baby can't even take my cock without going dumb even though she was begging for it earlier." He felt you clenching on his dick and knew he wasn't gonna last with the way your pussy was sucking him in. He lifted your legs from around his waist and placed them on his shoulders. The new angle making you cry out. His brutal pace didn't stop as he circled your clit. You came hard and he fucked you through it, and finally he painted your inside with his cum. "You did so good for my bubby, I love you, now let's get you cleaned up." He said but as he saw his cum trickle out of you he pushed it back in with two fingers. "Gotta make sure my baby stays nice and full with my cum."

As he cleaned you with a wet rag he couldn't help but smile, his plan had went much better than he thought. You now had his last name, with a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly. He didn't think your parents would demand the two of you get married but it made keeping you so much easier. He was gonna make sure that after you gave birth to his first child that you were pregnant again. He was gonna keep you nice and filled with babies <3

AHSJSJSN Ethan brain rot, hope you enjoyed and let me know what you wanna see next.

Sunny out ✌️

[carlossainzwho]

get him back!

carlos sainz x ex!reader

warnings: not proof-read and swearing

part one | part two | part three | part four below!

now, y/n doesn't care about him anymore

i met a guy in the summer and I left him in the spring, he argued with me about everything, he had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye, he said he's six-foot-two and I'm like: dude, nice try!

she met him in summer, sun shining

left him in the spring, rain pouring

he wouldn't shut his mouth

about all the other girls he could have

such a big red flag,

lied about his height

and a lot more stuff than y/n liked

but in the end

who gives a shit?

but he was so much fun and he had such weird friends and he would take us out to parties and the night would never end another song, another club, another bar, another dance and when he said something wrong, he'd just fly me to france!

but the night outs with him were so damn fun

his stupid friends with their drunk asses

one party after another

and never-ending nights

one party after another

'feeling down, y/n?'

next destination, monaco!

so i miss him some nights when i'm feeling depressed till i remember every time he made a pass on my friend do i love him? Do i hate him? i guess it's up and down if i had to choose, i would say right now,

and so y/n missed those nights

where things would lead to the bed,

but all those times he slept with her friends

could not leave her head

did she really love him?

or hate him?

well...

i wanna get him back i wanna make him really jealous, wanna make him feel bad oh, i wanna get him back 'cause then again i really miss him and it makes me real sad oh, i want sweet revenge and i want him again i want to get him back, back, back

she wanted vengeance

she wanted to kiss his friends, make him feel sorry

but also

she wanted him for herself

she missed him so damn much

she wanted revenge, she wanted his love

she wanted to get

him

back!

so i write him all these letters, then i throw them in the trash 'cause i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh yeah, i pour my little heart out, but as i'm hitting 'send' i picture all the faces of my disappointed friends

'hi carlos'

'how are you?'

'hi bab- oh wait-

you're not my babe anymore'

but i want you so bad

i need you to kiss me and make me laugh

tell me the jokes you tell to her

i want you

come over

here's my address

but oh

goddamn it, y/n

he's not worth anything

your friends will be so disappointed in you

because everyone knew all of the shit that he'd do he said i was the only girl, but that just wasn't the truth and when i told him how he hurt me, he'd tell me i was tripping but i am my father's daughter, so maybe i could fix him!

it was no surprise

that he left y/n

everyone knew he was a son of a bitch

he went with other girls and told her she was the only one

y/n tried so hard

to fix it all, tell him how he'd hurt her

but she was her father's daughter

and her father was no coward

y/n vowed to show carlos what he was missing

oh, i wanna key his car i wanna make him lunch i wanna break his heart stitch it right back up i wanna kiss his face, with an uppercut i wanna meet his mum, and tell her her son sucks, yeah!

f1 car or road car, she wanted to destroy it, destroy him

but y/n wanted to make him lunch, tell him how much she loved him

she wanted to make him jealous, break his heart

but she wanted to be the one

to mend it for him

she wanted to kiss his handsome face

with an uppercut

she wanted to meet his mum

and tell her

how her son is

a

liar

reyesvdec <;/3

monday, 23rd march

hi reyes, can you ask carlos where he is? he won't answer my calls.

Hello love, of course!

He's out with some friends, he'll be back later!

ok!

thursday, 25th march

reyes, where is carlos?

reyes, i think he's with someone else

what do i do?

reyes, please

please?

today, 3:54 am

i hate your son, reyes

delivered

AHH i love the little text messages in the end, idk why i liked writing that so much?? also i think this might be the last part but i'll defo write some more carlos and oscar fics if you're up for it!!

what can i say, thank you so damn much for reading my fics, it means the world to me <3

[daceydeath]

Skz when they help you with your sadness

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Established Relationships

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Mental health issues (feeling of self doubt, worthlessness, depression).

Just how are sweet boys would help you if you were struggling with sadness and/or a bad mental health day.

Chan:

After all the years he had spent with the kids and inside his own head he could tell instantly you were masking whatever was the matter. To anybody else you appeared you normal cheerful self smiling, making small talk and feigning interest in things despite what was going on in your head. He knew that he needed to get you back to the dorm so you felt safe enough to let the mask fall so as soon as the pair of you could leave he made sure you did.

You were fidgeting in the car the whole ride back to the dorm so sure that he was annoyed at you for bringing the mood down that you missed all the worried looks he threw your way.

"Baby, you know I love you more than anything yeah?" he sighed taking your hand in his and holding it tightly your fingers interlocked "So whatever it is that is making you feel like this we can tackle together"

"Chris, I..." you started still trying to cover your sadness but the mask you wore was slipping.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to just know I'm here. I'll always be here" he smiled sweetly kissing your knuckles as he drove. Walking to the elevator from the garage to the dorm he held your hand tightly his thumb dragging over the skin of your knuckles relaxing you. As the doors shut behind you, you turned to him looking at his handsome face wearing a look of worry for you made you feel guilty for ruining his night.

"I'm sorry, sometimes I can't stop it. I just feel so much it causes me to feel pain sometimes and I think if I hide it you won't have to have your day ruined by me" you sighed looking at the floor feeling pitiful.

"I'm so sorry you feel that way baby, but you would never ruin anything the time I spend with you is the most important time to me". He soothed pulling you against him and stroking you back to calm you.

"How about when we get back to the dorm we look at how we can get you some help to deal with how your feel, yeah?" he murmured "I need to take care of my precious baby".

Lee Know:

He could tell that you were struggling without even hearing your voice he could read between the short answers that you texted back to him when he asked you about your parents and other trivial things so he did what he always did when you needed someone to help you through. He cooked you the foods that made you think of happy times.

He had let himself into your apartment with an arm full of groceries to make you something delicious to take your mind off whatever was troubling you. You had busted him and before you could get a word out to scold him he was standing in front of you pulling you into his warm arms and kissing you on the forehead.

"Everything will be ok, I'm going to take care of you" he whispered softly and you instantly relented letting him just hold you while you crumbled.

"You can't just spoil me with food every time I'm having a hard time" you sniffed against the fabric of his t-shirt, he always smelt of spice and warmth, he smelt like what home should be.

"I can and I will, for as long as you want me around" he smiled holding you tighter hoping he could stop you spiraling before it started.

Changbin:

As a partner Changbin was as close to perfect as you could have ever asked for he was loyal, generous and caring always trying to put you first when he was able to. You were grateful that you had him in your life but as your relationship grew you began to feel less worthy of his time since you couldn't do for him what he could do for you. You weren't able to shower him with gifts, take him on surprise trips or write love songs about him all you could do was give him your love which made you feel like it wasn't equal anymore.

It had been eating you for months and you could tell that sometimes the worthlessness would peek through and he would try extra hard to cheer you up whether it was staying in the dorm with you cuddling you or taking you somewhere fancy to treat you, often it just made you feel worse.

"Baby, I don't know what's been causing you pain but I want to talk it out, I want to fix it" he mumbled against your ear as he held you close to him as you laid together in his bed.

"I don't know how to talk about it without maybe making you sad" you whispered feeling guilty for ruining another day for him.

"Just let it all out and we can worry about my feelings later" he continued his voice calm and soothing to you.

"I'm just worthless, I don't deserve you, all the gifts you give me, your time. You deserve someone who can equal you not be so much less than you" you breathed big fat tears leaking from the corners of your eyes.

"No, no, no baby please don't cry" he murmured stroking your arms "who told you that you were worthless? it isn't true" he continued squeezing you the sharp edge creeping into his voice made you realize he was getting protective again.

"No one told me it's just what I think" you admitted softly.

"Well your brain is wrong because you are worth the whole world to me" he breathed against your skin pressing a kiss to your temple "and I will spend forever proving that to you if I need to".

Hyunjin:

With a world tour coming up and an album release you found yourself feeling left behind, Hyunjin was working constantly with rehearsals, song writing, photoshoots, and interviews you felt like the last priority on his to do list. You knew that wasn't fair, you had known going into this relationship that being with an idol was incredibly tough their work was demanding and so were their fans so you did your best to hide how lonely you felt from him.

It was well past midnight we he slipped into the dorm room and cuddled up beside you, mumbling an apology thinking you were asleep. You stayed silent wondering how much longer it would take for him to forget you completely, hating yourself for doubting him but knowing you were not interesting or pretty enough for him to every really remain interested in long term. When morning came you dressed and fled before any of the guys in the dorm were awake as though you were never there at all. You received a text several hours later when he woke up to you gone.

I miss you my love please come home so I can fix this xx

You left the café you had been sitting in and walked back to the dorms where he was waiting for you with open arms.

"I'm sorry I have made you so lonely lately my love" he whispered into your hair as he held you tightly against you "That's why I got you a present to help you stop feeling alone when I'm away".

Your brows furrowed together as Chan stepped into the room cradling something in his arms followed by Han. Hyunjin simply spun you to face Chan so he could still hold you from behind as Chan gave you a tiny little black ball of fluff.

"You bought me a puppy?" you gasped holding the little boy up to your face and he licked your nose.

"Kkami helps me heal I thought he could keep you company and love you while I'm away".

Han:

Han understood more then you realized, you knew he suffered with anxiety that sometimes was too much for him but he had learnt so many techniques to help himself that it was most of the time something you didn't even think about. So it was no surprise that he noticed as soon as he saw you in the the corner of the dance studio picking at your fingernails and fidgeting as you waited for him to finish. You were trying so well to mask it but there was almost no point around Han he could see straight through you he always could.

When Lee Know called for a short break so he could go over something with Hyunjin and Felix Han made a bee live for you his eyes showing concern even if he physically didn't show that he was worried about you.

"Honey what's wrong? Are you having a bad day?" He whispered as he dramatically flopped down next to you to take attention away from you.

"I'm just feeling really stressed and overwhelmed" you mumbled as you realized you were still picking at your fingers and stopping.

"We should be really quick after this last bit did you want to stay here or do you want to go to the studio? I can give you my key, Chan wont care before you say anything." he continued to pretend nothing was wrong to keep you from feeling worse.

"Studio please" you nodded making him smile at you in return knowing the quiet would probably help you. He grabbed his bag and pulled out some candy slipping you the key secretly.

"You go whenever you want I'll cover for you if you want me to" he smiled offering you a gummy which you took before leaning forward to kiss him quickly not wanting the others to complain.

"Thank you baby" you whispered walking quickly from the studio knowing that Han would explain to the others what was wrong. Half an hour later when he appeared with Chan at the studio door you were feeling a little better but still not yourself.

"Take her home Hannie, we can work on the song later just let me know" Chan smiled affectionately at you as Han interlocked his fingers with yours and lead you out into the hallway.

Felix:

It had been two months since you had gotten to see each other and both of you were suffering for it, sure you had called each other every day and face timed when you both were alone but it wasn't the same. You had hidden the funk you had fallen into from him, it was easy if he only saw you for short periods of time but you knew how disappointed he was going to be when he actually saw you and saw how you were feeling.

"Bubby! I'm home" he grinned brightly running into the room you shared when he wasn't staying in the dorms.

"Hi Lixie" you tried your best to match his excitement, he deserved that after all, he was the love of your life he deserved everything in the world. You watched his expression falter as he looked at you properly, taking in the dullness in your eyes.

"I'm sorry bubby, I should have known how hard this would be on you" he sighed despite the smile still on his face, he wrapped you in his arms nuzzling his nose into the spot below your ear "Let's just spend of the rest of the day cuddling, that will fix everything".

"I though you said sweets fixed everything baby?" you giggled softly as his breath tickled your skin.

"Cuddles are superior to sweets only if it's you bubby" He smiled against your skin as you felt some of the weight of your sadness lift.

Seungmin:

Seungmin knew that he could come off as cold or hard by someone looking in but he knew you never thought that of him so when you called him while he was still at his schedule he put on his best sarcastic voice to make people not eavesdrop.

"Seung how much longer is your schedule today?" You asked shakily pouting into the phone.

"As long as is needed I would think" he replied in the fake annoyed tone he always used around people who didn't know about you.

"When you are finished can you come over? I really don't want to be alone" you sniffed feeling the pain from your chest overwhelming you.

"Love, how long have you been feeling like this?" he whispered suddenly sounding a little scared.

"All day but I didn't want to disturb you" you snuffled holding yourself together by a thread.

"I'll ask hyung now and I will be there soon ok? I love you" he soothed his voice soft and sweet like honey.

"I love you too Seung" you hiccupped.

Not even thirty minutes later there was a beeping coming from your front door keypad, you wandered over confused as to which of your friends would drop over this late but you were engulfed in the strong warm arms of your Seung.

"How are you here so soon?" you asked confused tear stains still tracking down your cheeks.

"I told hyung what was happening he sent me here to take care of you. My photos were already done anyway I'm not missing anything" he whispered into your hair holding you tightly against his chest knowing that his touch was usually enough to help calm you.

I.N:

He knew that you were sad, well maybe you weren't sad, but he knew something was wrong all the same. You were more irritable than normal with the simplest things, from feeling nausea in the morning, to the slight headache you had gotten when the other members were too loud, to a slamming door when you got up to go to the bathroom, something was up. Knowing that once you reached your limit you would just retreat into yourself he needed to figure out how to get you out of the house.

"Do you want to take a walk with me? the guys are just too loud today" he smiled as you returned to the room looking a little sullen.

"Alright" you replied listlessly trying but failing to smile at him.

"We're going out, be back later" he called over his shoulder after getting everything you both needed and ushering you out of the door.

You didn't pay much attention to where he was leading you still stuck in the irritation in your head and the silence between you. It must have been a good ten minutes before you even looked up and noticed he was leading you to the small café that sat on the outskirts of your favorite park. He noticed you looking around and smiled gently.

"Hyung told me eating something sweet can help make you feel better" he grinned leading you into the building for sweets.

a/n: I didn't want to go to deep or dark into this I have plans for that kind of story later, thank you for reading and as always any likes, reblogs or comments are appreciated and loved xx

Tag list: (open) @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @tara-skyhold, @bakedlilgoonie,

[sebbianas]

i have finally sat down and did the math so here’s all the speak now songs and what marauders ship i think of for each and what lyric stands out to me

Mine - wolfstar - braced myself for the goodbye ‘cause that's all I've ever known then you took me by surprise you said, "I'll never leave you alone"

Sparks fly - jegulus - it's just wrong enough to make it feel right

Back to december - jegulus - you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

Speak now - nobleflower - you wish it was me, you wish it was me dont you

Dear john - lily about snape - you are an expert at “sorry” and keeping lines blurry

Mean - mary’s theme song - someday i’ll be big enough so you cant hit me (her outliving all the people who tormented her)

The story of us - black brothers - this is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less but I liked it better when you were on my side

Never grow up - black brothers/black sisters - I won't let nobody hurt you won't let no one break your heart and even though you want to please, try to never grow up

Enchanted - pandalily - my thoughts will echo your name until i see you again

Better than revenge - rosekiller (in their toxic era) - you might have him but i always get the last word

Innocent - regulus’ theme song - today is never too late to be brand new

Haunted - jegulus - stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had but I still mean every word I said to you

Last Kiss - jegulus - And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

Long Live - marauders to each other - I had the time of my life with you

Ours - marylily - seems like there's always someone who disapprove they'll judge it like they know about me and you and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do the jury's out, but my choice is you

Superman - (not marauders but) drarry - And you'll leave, got places to be, and I'll be okay I always forget to tell you, "I love you" I loved you from the very first day

Electric touch - dorlene - all I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life and I want you now, wanna need you forever

When emma falls in love - james’ theme song - when Emma falls apart, it's when she's alone she takes on the pain and bears it on her own cause when Emma falls in love, she's in it for keeps she won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

I can see you - jegulus - and I could see you being my addiction you can see me as a secret mission

Castles crumbling - sirius after the prank - power went to my head and I couldn't stop ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off and here I sit alone behind walls of regret falling down like promises that I never kept

Foolish one - rosekiller - you will say you had the best of intentions and maybe I will finally learn my lesson

Timeless - jily - I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray we'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made and you'll say, "Oh my, we really were timeless"

[blue-sadie]

So i've seen this edit about quaritch and spider with that song "oh i love it and hate it at the same time, you and i drinking posion from the same vine" and just image it; reader who has an avatar and neteyam as her mate and she told everybody that her mom was na'vi and her dad was an avatar. When lo'ak and neteyam went to save spider they see reader in her human form and she thinks neteyam is dissapointed in her. Her avatar dies and she has to live with neteyam in her human form. The reader thinks he hates her or smtg. I thank you very much if you could write my ideea or just react <3

Sorry this might not be exactly what you wanted but I hope you like it 😁

Our Love Is Pure

Neteyam x Human Reader

Summary: sometimes our thoughts get the best of us causing us either failure or fortune

Warning: music = lyrics, reader death (kind of)

3rd person pov

Neteyam watched the horizon hoping and praying to see Norman's helicopter but every time he does his heart just breaks all over again.

Telling myself I won't go there Oh, but I know that I won't care

You saved him, you pushed him out the way and took the bullet, the bullet that would've killed him but it killed you instead.

He held your avatar as it died he pleaded and begged for eywa to give you another chance you deserved it while he didn't he should have protected you he should have taken it not you.

With each day passing no news or sight of you, his heart arches more and more he struggles to look after himself but what he didn't know it was the same for you.

Tryna wash away all the blood I've spilt This lust is a burden that we both share Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer Souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt There's darkness in the distance

It took norm days just to get you to speak but with each word becomes more shakey, what is supposed to happen between the two of you.

You never really hung out with him in your human form mostly because of safety reasons would he still want to be with you.

Those thoughts were clouding your head most of the day you would spend in your room staring at the way norman says your eyes get duller by the day, your skin has become paler and your body thinner because of the lack of food and water.

From the way that I've been livin' But I know I can't resist it Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time You and I drink the poison from the same vine

Norman didn't know what to do he didn't know if contacting neteyam would help or just make it worse but what pushed him over the edge is when you came stumbling into the kitchen bearly holding yourself up.

You collapsed and he caught you before you hit the floor you blacked out, that was his breaking point they put you onto one of the med beds attaching an iv to your arm and made sure you were stable.

And once they knew you were safe he contacted jake to let him know about the situation and jake could almost say the same was happening there.

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

When jake finally told neteyam what happened with you neteyam finally expressed emotion other then sadness and finally did something other then stare out into the open sea.

He tried to get on his ikran but his father and mother tried to stop him and reason with him to stay.

He finally burst and let his emotions out shocking his parents screaming at them that he needs and too see you and how he would be dead without you

Tellin' myself it's the last time Can you spare any mercy that you might find If I'm down on my knees again? Deep down, way down, Lord, I try Try to follow your light, but it's night time Please, don't leave me in the end

He yelled about all the times you were there for him and now he's gonna be there for you, his parents let him go because either he was going back.

The ride was long and terrible his lack of food and sleep was making his ikran nervous and almost crash afew times.

He finally felt relieved when he saw his home land in the distance and he spoke to himself praying that you would hear him, I'm coming baby hold on.

There's darkness in the distance I'm beggin' for forgiveness (ooh) But I know I might resist it, oh Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time You and I drink the poison from the same vine

He dodged the floating rocks and ignored as some ikran riders tried to talk to him as they flew past he didn't care all he cared about was you.

When he landed he could tell something was off when norman came running at him and telling him you need him.

He didn't even let norman finish and dashed into the lab his eyes widening as he saw the many scientists crowed around you.

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time You and I drink the poison from the same vine

His heart clench and his body began to sway with dizziness he already lost you once and he wasn't gonna lose you again.

He crouched at the head of you bed looking down at your face you and your avatar were almost identical.

He slowly and softly caressed your small face with his fingers as he spoke to you as tears streamed down his face, baby please don't do this to me I can't lose you again.

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

He sat there even after the other scientists left he sat there staring at you his hand clenching yours He was to scared to let go.

To scared to lose you, it only took 2 hours before you woke you your face twisted in confusion as you felt someone holding your hand.

It took you a couple minutes to open your eyes but when they did they filled with tears, neteyam tried to hug you but all you did was push him away.

He felt rejected and hurt in till he heard you speak "why are you here" you sniffled he felt confused.

"W-what do you mean baby" he murmured trying to think of reasons you would rejected him.

"Neteyam my avatar is dead" your voice was strained and raspy "what does that have to do with anything" he asked sitting beside your bed.

You didn't know if was joking or just trying to fool you "n-nete i-" "do you think I'd just leave you because your avatar is dead".

It was like he could read my mind, I looked away from him ashamed "yn I fell for you, your beautiful personality not your body" he murmured caressing my face and bringing it to look at his.

"I fell for your clumsiness, your idiotic ideas that always get us into trouble I fell for you" his words drew a quiet giggle from you making him smile.

"I feel for your mind and heart"

Tag.List

@greekgods15

@sweetirilly

[alxtiny]

Request: Hello !! It’s me again…. Do you think you could write a Seonghwa x reader story based on the song « Say You Won’t Let Go » by James Arthur ? This song reminds me of Hwa for some reasons..😞😞

Say you won’t let go | Park Seonghwa x Reader

Synopsis: when Seonghwa knows you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x gn!reader, domestic au

Genre: fluff

Word count: 0.9k

Warnings: none ;)

Notes: sorry if this seems rushed i have my mid terms in a week and have been caught up in that, i still hope you like it!!

Requested by @s1riushwa

Masterlist

The soft melody of James Arthur's "Say You Won't Let Go" filled the room as Seonghwa sat on the couch, lost in thought. His fingers traced the edge of his phone, a small smile gracing his lips as he watched you from across the room. It was a quiet evening, and he found solace in the peacefulness that enveloped his heart. But even in this tranquillity, his thoughts were filled with one person - you. You were sitting by the window, engrossed in a book, the gentle rays of the setting sun casting a warm glow on your face.

It was moments like these that made Seonghwa's heart swell with love for you. He had fallen for you from the moment he met you. You were his everything. Your smile, your laughter, the way your eyes sparkled when you talked about your dreams - they all made his heart skip a beat. Every day he spent with you, he fell deeper in love.

Seonghwa couldn't help but recall the first time he had seen you. It was at a crowded cafe, and you had accidentally spilled your coffee on him. He remembered your flushed cheeks and sincere apology, and in that moment, he was captivated by your beauty and warmth.

The soft melody continued to play in the background, and Seonghwa closed his eyes, letting the music guide his thoughts. Seonghwa couldn't help but sing along softly to the lyrics. "I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know, 'cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go." His voice was barely above a whisper, but the words held a profound truth.

You glanced up from your book and looked at Seonghwa, a fond smile gracing your lips. "Seonghwa, are you alright?" your voice interrupted his reverie. You had been watching him.

Seonghwa opened his eyes and offered a small smile. "Everything is perfect when I'm with you."

Your cheeks flushed as you chuckled shyly at his words and looked at him with your eyes full of warmth and affection. His heart skipped a beat at the sound of your laughter and the love, he saw, reflected in your gaze. It was moments like these that reassured him that you felt the same way.

Seonghwa had always been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He had never been good at hiding his feelings, and he didn't want to. He wanted you to know just how much you meant to him. He wanted to be with you for the rest of his life, and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

As the song continued, Seonghwa couldn't help but think about all the little moments that had brought you closer together. The late-night conversations, the shared laughter, and even the occasional disagreements – they had all played a part in strengthening your bond.

"I wake you up with some breakfast in bed," Seonghwa sang a little louder than before, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head." He had done those things countless times, and he cherished each and every moment he could make you smile.

You closed your book and walked over to where Seonghwa was sitting. You sat down beside him, leaning your head on his shoulder. "I love this song," you said, your voice soft and filled with affection.

Seonghwa smiled and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer. "I love it too," he replied, his voice filled with sincerity.

You sighed contentedly and closed your eyes, enjoying the warmth of Seonghwa's embrace. As the song played on, you both let the music wash over you, a soundtrack to your love story.

The room was bathed in the soft glow of the evening as Seonghwa continued to sing along to the song. "And I hope you know that I love you so." His voice wavered slightly with emotion, and he couldn't help but press a tender kiss to your forehead.

You looked up at him, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Seonghwa, I love you too," you whispered, your voice filled with love.

Seonghwa's heart felt full with happiness. He had waited so long to hear those words from you, and they meant the world to him. He gazed into your eyes, his own filled with devotion. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he said, his voice steady and unwavering.

You smiled, a tear rolling down your cheek. "I want that too, Seonghwa."

As the song came to an end, Seonghwa leaned in and captured your lips in a gentle, passionate kiss. It was a promise, a declaration of love that needed no words.

Time seemed to stand still as you both lost yourselves in each other. The world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you and the love that bound you together.

Seonghwa knew that life was filled with uncertainties, but one thing he was certain of was his love for you. He would cherish every moment, every day, and every breath he took with you by his side.

And as the years had passed, Seonghwa's love for you had only grown stronger. He couldn't imagine a future without you, and he didn't want to. He wanted to be with you till his last breathing moment, just like the lyrics of the song that had brought you even closer together.

So, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, Seonghwa held you close, knowing that he had found his forever in you, he felt like the luckiest person in the entire universe. With you, he wished to embark on a journey of love that would last a lifetime, till your last breath and beyond.

© alxtiny . Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost, or use my works on any platform in any way.

Send an ask or a message to be added to taglist

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE MEMBERS OF ATEEZ IN REAL LIFE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Taglist: @sushi0517

[celluceta]

✭ Law, Bepo, Penguin, Shachi & Ikkaku finding out you like Vocaloid + headcanons ✭

Hi there! Here are some silly headcanons I've been thinking about the past few days. I've been listening and drawing Vocaloid a lot lately and this idea popped in my head, so I hope you like it!! A good friend of mine helped me with this💚

Please keep in mind that english isn't my first language so there might be grammar errors🫠

I had a lot to write about Law and Bepo...

Also I won't be talking about UTAU that much since I'm not very familiar with them,,, sorry.

🎐Please keep in mind these are MY headcanons! If yours are different, that's perfectly fine! Feel free to drop them in the comments if you want🎐

⭐Gender neutral reader⭐

Law

Ok so I headcanon there is a common room in the Polar Tang, with a couple of long sofas and where every member of the crew has their own little space somehow, like walls covered in posters and shelves filled with, books and even plushies of marine animals and their hobbies.

You were spending one morning there, listening to your favorite Vocaloid playlist in a den den mushi (you know, like the ones that appear in film red) when Law arrived, looking for a medicine book he didn’t have at his office.

Normally he would have just walked out the room, but as your den den mushi started playing Tokyo Teddy Bear, his eyes couldn't help but rush to look at you.

You noticed it and glanced at him as well. As your eyes met, he quickly looked back, grabbing the book and heading out the room.

"You like Vocaloid, captain?"

It took him a few seconds to answer before leaving you there. "Why would I do? It's a waste of time".

You were confused but didn't think much about it.

Until a couple of days later, when you walked past the door of his office and heard something familiar...

"Shinkai shoojo mada mada shizumu"

You couldn't believe it. You opened the door and looked at him with a smirk on your face, meeting with his shocked, flushed red face.

"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" He shouted at you before you left the room giggling, hoping you wouldn't tell the rest of the crew.

He's not the biggest fan, but since Bepo is, he ended up liking a few songs. He would never admit it out loud though, he thinks it would ruin his image.

I can't stop thinking he listens to the most edgy Vocaloid songs... . ...

You know, Lost One's Wheeping, Ghost Rule, Aishite Aishite Aishite and more.

Definitely enjoys Kikuo more than any other vocaloid producer. Also Wowaka.

Nobody knows about this, but he knows the whole lyrics of The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku.

Bepo

Do I have to say it?

Seriously, do I have to say it?

This guy's OBSESSED. He's been listening to Vocaloid for years.

Maybe even before leaving Zou.

Everyone in the crew learned about Vocaloid thanks to him, so when he discovers you also enjoy it, he'll go so excited you'll get trouble understanding what he's saying. You'll see his eyes shining as he's speaking.

One day, on a karaoke session they decided to have not so long after you joined the crew, he started playing Ring no Shitensi.

"Oh, I know this one!"

And his sprakling eyes rapidly landed on you, his lips drawing a bright smile on his face.

He runs into you, not midning the music still playing as he holds your hands and starts talking to you so fast you can barely understand him.

You glanced nervously at Penguin and Shachi for a moment, and they just lifted their thumbs, telling you it was normal.

His favorite producers are definitely Mitchie M, Kinoshita and Livetune.

No matter how many redesigns Miku gets, he'll always prefer the first one.

He knows all the producers mentioned in Kagamine Let's Say the P Names. All of them.

He's one of those people who blast christmas music once it's October 1st, but instead of Mariah Carey it's just Snow Miku songs.

He has a space in his room dedicated exclusively to his lightstick collection, and he knows all existing choreographies from the concerts.

Obviously, in their karaoke sessions, he'll just sing Vocaloid (and Uta) songs.

He has dragged Penguin and Shachi with him, and the rest of the crew knows the lyrics of at least one song or two. Knowing about Vocaloid is inevitable when he's around.

When he discovers a new song Law might like, he eagerly shows him. Law always says he's not interested, but he ends up listening to it on repeat when he's alone.

And he's just as obsessed with UTAU as he is with Vocaloid.

Penguin & Shachi

I feel like instead of them reacting to you, you'd react to them.

Like, again, on a karaoke session, you'd see how they sing along with Bepo, and that just surprises you.

"I didn't know you guys liked Vocaloid!"

"You never asked" They said to you with a playful smirk.

They are glad you also enjoy the music, but don't mind as much as Bepo. Shachi would maybe express it better than Penguin.

Sometimes they join Bepo with the lightsticks, specially if he's playing classics as World is Mine or Luka Luka Night Fever. They ended up learning the movements from watching the bear.

Huge. Deco*27. Fans.

Also they enjoy a couple of Mitchie M and Neru songs, but leave the edgy ones to Law.

Would have a whole discussion over what Miku's voicebank is better on a daily basis.

"V4 pronunciation is way better, man"

"Yeah but it doesn't sound as robotic as V2. What's the point of Miku if she doesn't sound like a robot?"

Shachi's a Rin fan while Penguin prefers Len. Sometimes they tease each other like little kids over who's better, but at the end of the day they both enjoy the twins.

Not that much to say about these guys, just average fans.

Ikkaku

(so sad there aren't more GIFs where Ikkaku appears😭 but this one's fire anyways)

Short because she doesn't really care about Vocaloid that much.

She would be like "Oh that's cool" and continue what she was doing. She just doesn't care at all.

Definitely the most chilled listener among all of them.

V Flower and Gumi. That's it.

She doesn't listen to Vocaloid that often, just from time to time when she remembers they exist.

At first she was like "Wth are they doing..." whenever Bepo, Penguin and Shachi danced with the lightsticks, but now she's gotten used to it.

Has no problem listening to Bepo talk about Vocaloid for quite the long time.

But the bear made her hate Snow Miku songs. She wouldn't have if he didn't played them on repeat from October until the next one is released.

She actually enjoys some of the classics.

Specially Magnet.

You know why... 🧡🤍🩷

[artdivadej]

Survivor’s Remorse (VI)

Part Six

NSFW | 18+ | PTSD | Self harm | Torture

Part 7 | Part 8

"Shit"

"Yeah. I'm really sorry about that by the way. About you. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine. I know it wasn't personal" he waves his hand dismissively before clearing his throat. "I asked Annie about what it was like, once. She told me that after her first day she really didn't know. She could hear you talking sometimes but mainly just, screaming. Told me that after they dragged her past you the first day, you didn't stop screaming for a week. Annie said that they never came back for her after that day though"

"That..." I hesitate but don't want to lie to him "It's true"

"Shit"

"Yeah"

"Have you ever really talked about it?"

"No"

"Do you want to?"

"No. I don't want to think" I admit shaking my dizzy head as I sucked on the sugar cube

Finnick pulls a string from his pocket and drops it into my hands, showing me some complicated loops.

"I could teach you some knots? We'd have to take these off though"

He taps at my nail guards and I swallow the rest of the sugar in my mouth before pulling them securely to my chest with a shake of the head.

"I don't want to hurt you" I breathe

"You won't" He chuckles while deftly unlocking them

"How do you-?"

"Who do you think helps Beetee design your mouthguards and cuffs while Cinna's in recovery?"

My eyes widen and I grin at him. I should've known. The few memories I have, Finnick'd always treated me like a little sister in. He made me remember that we all grew up too soon. I had real fun with Finnick. I remember being on the sand, scaring Peeta awake, dancing around a bonfire and learning songs of the sea. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain as jolts of electricity rattle my spine. I clench my teeth and focus on one spot in front of me, unfortunately everyone seems to be focused on Finnick and me, also curious about my Torture Tales. Or maybe the fact that I'm gripping his hand tightly in my sharp nailed one. It doesn't seem like I'm hurting him though, and I need a firm grip on reality right now.

"The Quarter Quell. We...you and I...we" I choke trying to fight through the immeasurable pain it brings me to speak about the Quell, let alone think about it.

This overpowering fear made me convulse as if I was being shocked with cattle prods again. They stayed with me until he released my hand, his arm wrapping around my shoulders to keep me together. Finnick gives me a reassuring squeeze and it helps lessen the shaking some more.

"That's it. What did we do?" he coaxes gently

I don't like how Peeta's eyes bore into my face, his body screaming he wants me to answer too. Why? If I actually had done something with Finnick, why should he care? He loved Katniss. Right?

The sand is burning, I can see hands reaching out the water towards me, blood dripping from the eyes at the center of their palms. Even the moonlight hurts my eyes.

"It's scary here Finn" I sigh tiredly

"I'm not leaving ya. Just like I didn't than"

I take another shaky breath before pushing on, absorbing his strength at my side to keep going.

"We had...fun. I felt like a kid again with you. We played a joke on Peeta. It...it made me feel so good to see him laugh. Really laugh. Why?" I hiss angrily feeling the venom bubble in my mouth unbidden from aggression I didn't understand.

Ugh not now.

I'm not a monster! I spit the purple venom onto the ground at my feet and bite down on my arm hard. Well, that's new. This is the first time it's been purple. Just what else did they do to my canine ducts? My back goes rigid, pain licking every cell of my body, head thrown back as I choke on a scream of terror. I faintly hear commands being shouted before my vision goes black.

I start myself awake for a few seconds again sometime later. I can tell I've screamed something but then I feel a prick in my neck and I'm pulled under again.

This time when I awake, I'm sitting propped up but snug and strangely comfortable. A big arm is wrapped around my shoulders to keep me warm while nestled into their side. There's blonde hair in the corner of my eye, my heart leaps as I whisper his name out of an impulse that felt unnaturally...habitual.

"I'm here" Peeta's voice whispers across the dim lamplight and I'm startled by the emotions that erupt at the hauntingly familiar phrase.

I look around to gauge the time. The stars are out. I've been out for a while. Only he and Johnson are awake.

Ah, watching the rabid highjacked psycho.

If it's not Peeta beside me, then who? Quirking my head just a bit I see that Finnick is who's holding me together tonight, sleeping peacefully with his other arm across his stomach, trident strapped to his back. No one else would dare get so close to me. Let alone to just leave their guard down like that and sleep so deeply within range of me or my teeth.

"Nothing I-" I stop not sure what I want to say

"Hungry?" Peeta offers

My mouth waters and my stomach answers. He sends me a wry smile before grabbing a bowl sitting beside him and sliding closer to offer it to me. He's too close. I can smell him at this distance. He was only 6 feet away from me and his fingers graze my palm as he makes sure the bowl is securely in my shackled hands before letting it go.

It warms me more than the bowl does. I don't know how to feel about that. Inside the bowl is a couple slices of ham and a few buttery potato squares. I still couldn't stand vegetables and being so close to the Training Quarters, I could feel the tears building again.

Why the fuck was everything making me so emotional? I needed Peeta away from me. This was his fault. I just know it is.

"You ok?"

His benevolence towards me is disarming and it unnerves me. It made everything that much more confusing.

"Why are you being so fucking nice to me?" I grumble wanting to understand him because maybe, it just might help me understand a bit about myself. I was willing to die for him. Why? "I tried to rip your fuckin throat out! Why?"

Peeta lets out a sigh and just eyes me sadly before rubbing his thighs. I recognize this nervous habit and it sparks something else within me. I answer before he can.

"We protect each other"

"Always" he nods with a small side smirk

I don't like the hope I see bloom on his face or how my heart leaps at the word. It frightens me.

"I don't even know what to believe anymore. Friend? Mutt? Ally? Love. Hate! Real. Not real. How am I supposed to discern the bullshit from the facts!" I roar angrily, wanting to lash out at something.

"Ask" Finnick grumbles as he shifts to sit up

"Who?" I hiss grateful he's awake in case I need knocking out again

"Us" Johnson pipes up

"For what? All of you want me dead anyway. What are you to me! My next set of torturers just waiting to lead me to your next game, like your friend who loved kicking me around in that van? If you want me dead so badly, I wish someone would just get on with it! I'm so tired of everyone's mind games"

"Your allies. We're your squad now" Gale pipes in

Great. They'd all been awake. Must be hard to sleep with a wild fox in your den.

"So?" I grumble

"That makes us family. You saved a lot of lives when you warned us about the attack. We don't just forget that kind of thing in 13" Boggs explains sitting in the seat Peeta had vacated to hold my eyes seriously.

His face reflected true disgust when I screamed about Keil kicking me around. I had a feeling Boggs wasn't going to let that one just go either. I'm watching them warily when my stomach grumbles again. Finnick leans forward to release my nails so I can eat the way I like to, but I shake my head at him.

"I don't want to hurt anyone like I tried to earlier"

"That's not what you did" Finnick chuckles ignoring me and releasing my nails

I greedily take a slice of ham and slurp it up, ignoring the fact I'm aware it looks as if I have no table manners.

"What do you mean?"

"You tend to lash out at yourself. Rarely at others unless its verbal"

I mull this over as I take a swallow of my water. My eyes land on Peeta again to see that he's still looking at me with that gentle stare of his, almost like he's enjoying watching me eat. He's calm. Tranquil.

It clicks.

I hold my restraints up so he can see the orange in the center where my sedative comes out.

"Orange. Orange is your favorite color. Soft...like a sunset. Real or not real?"

"Real. Yours is cobalt, like the collar and cuffs you're wearing"

I glance down at them and feel another appreciation for my friends. As few as I have. Leaning to my left I kiss Finnick on the cheek, now understanding the depths of his hand in this as well. Peeta stiffens but doesn't comment. Maybe this was a hint from Beetee without being pushy?

"Don't put ya greasy bacon lips on me" Finnick whines pulling a laugh from me

I lock eyes with Peeta again. I said it to Joanna but I needed to know which Peeta was real.

"Hot chocolate. You drank it before bed on the train. Real or not real?"

"Real"

I slam my eyes shut as the train memories start to tussle with each other. I don't want to ask this with so many ears on me but I know they won't stop hurting until I do. I look at Peeta imploringly.

"If we take some guards, would you feel comfortable walking with me? Just...for a little bit" I swallow

He tilts his head silently inquiring and I feel the need to explain.

"I have...questions but I'm not sure if..." I sigh scratching at my shoulder acutely aware of the audience.

Whether it happened or not I doubt he'd want everyone to know the lewd details that I'd viciously tried to air out before. I didn't want to do that again. He looks to Boggs for permission who nods his assent. Even though he was the one that'd knocked me unconscious when I'd first seen Peeta and attempted to rip out his trachea with my teeth, I liked him.

"Take 2 with you"

Peeta moves to stand but I flinch back against Finnick when he leans my way, my nails digging into the sleeping bag. I can't help the fear I feel here in the dark, surrounded, with his hands ready to lock around my throat if he wanted. I can't help the way my eyes rapidly scan every pair of eyes on me to map out their locations. Would anyone even try to stop him?

I peek up at Finnick to see he's watching me with a wistful cerulean gaze. On the one hand, I'd like to think Finnick meant what he said. On the other, I don't want him in any unnecessary danger as a newlywed. It's bad enough he has to be out here in the first place. No. If they do turn on me, I want Finnick to stay the fuck out of it.

"Finn" I whisper "Can you put my mouthguard on for me?"

"Do you really need it?"

"I don't want it but... I think so. My questions are...triggering. When they tortured me about the train and the Quell, they.... they spent a week straight breaking every bone in my hands. It was one of the ways to make me terrified to think about them. They'd reset them a few hours after they were finished and do it again, playing the footage or what they altered in it. It felt like it was never ending. Part of my punishment for making them feel stupid. Again. We'd tricked them into believing Cinna knew nothing about the rebellion. Joanna and I were pretty convincing. We both do condescending pretty fuckin well. She caught some waterboarding for her troubles too. We took comfort in each other's screams. It meant we were still together. We still had each other. It was the silence that was terrifying. Wondering what they had planned next you know? I don't care that I still have issues with my hands now. They left him alone after that. He can still make pretty things"

I'm smiling like a lunatic and I'm rambling because I've never spoken these dark memories aloud. They're coming out quicker than I can stop them. I'm actually really proud of this. This was a true triumph for me from my time there. To have my hands ravaged so Cinna's would never have to be. Definite win in my book.

"His hands are like yours Peeta. Powerful but so delicate. Treasures. You appreciate and marvel at the gems they create. You don't hurt that. I don't want to hurt him" I admit to them with every breath as unsteady as my body was.

I don't want to see the pity that I can feel on everyone's faces as they all shift a little closer to me. I don't want it. Finnick pats the top of my head before he dips his in my tent to grab the guard. I lay back on the sleeping bag, hands palm side down, waiting for the hands on my shoulders. I'm baffled when they don't come.

"Whatcha dooooin?" Finnick sings poking my nose as he leans over me

I shake my head and sit up surveying them just as perplexed at their actions, or lack thereof, as they were at mine.

"They...everyone always straps me down when they put em on. There's.... a bar for between my teeth so I can't hurt them...I'm just used to-"

"Being treated like less of a person?" Katniss snaps

"Not like I've ever had a choice princess!" I snap back feeling stupid

"Well, you do now! Just tilt your head back!" she huffs irritably

"We don't want to put these, things, on you. Believe that. We only are because you asked" Leegs shakes her head as she explains

I nod than tip my head back obediently and pop my mouth open, extending my tongue to give him full access. Finnick easily slips it around my top row and clicks it securely in place. I widen my jaw a little until they fit comfortably on the inside of my cheeks, giving Finnick a thumbs up once they are. Peeta leans forward with his hands on his knees now, eyeing me with anticipation.

"Ready?"

"Ready" I lisp around the guard

My eyes narrow when I realize he's covered his mouth with his hand and is trying to stop from laughing at my newly acquired lisp. I always get it with the mouth guard. It's just much more comfortable in Beetee's than the too small ones Snow had me in. Finnick gingerly pulls me to my feet and rehooks my nail guards into place. Gale comes with us without a word. Good. This could just be seen as guy talk.

I wait until we've gotten a little way away from the camp before I start to talk. Gale and Finnick keep an 8-foot distance behind us as Peeta walks beside me. He doesn't seem concerned about me attacking him as his hand brushes mine every so often, quite warm against my cool skin. I'm beginning to think he's doing this on purpose when I realize he had in fact moved closer the more we walked.

"I... I wanted to know"

"About the train" he finishes thankfully cutting to the chase

"I slept with you?" I nod trying not to feel like an idiot "A lot"

"If you mean literally sleep, then yes. After the first games...you never really could without me"

"I wonder if I ever could" I mumble feeling bitter about my insomnia

"I hear you don't so well these days"

"I wouldn't know. It's hard to keep track. They drug me a lot to undilute my memories. It's hard to tell when I'm awake and when I'm not. So... I never had sex with you?"

"No" he coughs "Do you remember differently?"

"Yes...I mean. I think so"

"Tell me about it"

I glance behind us and see that while watchful, Finnick and Gale are otherwise interested in their own conversation. Finnick shoots me an encouraging smile before shooing me to look forward with a wave of his trident. I look back at Peeta and move over to the trees, leaning against one, arms crossed over my chest to tuck my trembling hands away.

"It's too shiny when I try to see your eyes...but" I swallow shakily running my hand through my hair again

"But?"

"It starts off fine but then when you're kissing me..."

I choke again and have to clench my teeth to fight the headache I feel trying to form.

"It doesn't feel like the 'you' I think I remember. This one is... Rough. Mean. Smacks me when I ask you to be gentle" I sigh

"Not real" he asserts with an appalled shake of the head.

"It's fuzzy when you're nice. I like that one better. You don't compare me to her in that one"

He doesn't have to ask to know who I'm talking about and I'm happy that he doesn't.

"Tell me about it"

"You...you're sweet. Gentle. Make me feel safe. I don't ever feel that way anymore" I shake my head trying to get this to make sense "You call me sweet names in this one. Always ask before touching me. You...like my scar. Mean Peeta hurts me with it. You make me feel good when you touch it"

Now I'm blushing and my hands are shaking.

I shouldn't like this. I'm not supposed to.

"Real"

My eyes meet his and I realize he's come much closer. I'm shaking but I don't know why. Fear? Longing? Trepidation. Uncertainty. What exactly do I feel for this boy that I'd been so convinced was trying everything he could to kill me? Especially when he looked at me the way he did now, as if I held all his heart in my hands. I look over his shoulder for Gale and Finnick. They've moved closer too and I'm grateful.

"I... asked to touch you. You told me I could" I breathe not realizing my pupils have contracted to slits reflecting the heat I felt sweep through me.

"Real" he husks

Why does he keep moving closer? They've broken me to kill him. He should hate me as much as they'd programmed me to despise him. But I don't shove him back either. I watch him warily as he steps into my bubble.

Maybe we both have a death wish?

      ***

Peeta had no intentions on pushing you tonight. He just wanted to see why you remembered the train the way you did. It was seeing the way you spoke about that night on the train that spurred him into movement. It was practically impossible for you to hide your emotions after Snow had your eyes altered. Not to mention Peeta had already practically been an expert in reading your body language having learned during your first games together.

You were scared but not for the reasons you claimed.

That was the only time you'd touched one another that intimately. Even then, you'd focused on his pleasure, even as you came and soaked his fingers. You wanted to watch him, your mouth greedily sucking at his bottom lip.

For some reason you hadn't told him, you were hesitant to let him all the way in, but Peeta was patient. To see you come unraveled first at his touch had made him explode in your warm hands too.

Your lips part and your eyes dart over his shoulder again, but he doesn't want your eyes on Gale and most especially not Finnick. Not when he can see the desire sparkling in them. Not when he had to watch you snuggle against Finnick while it was his name you whispered in your sleep. Or when it was Finnick who wiped the tears from your cheeks while you whimpered from nightmares and not him. Or when you'd happily kissed Finnick.

No. Peeta needed you to look at him.

Stepping closer so that he hovered just above you, Peeta placed his hands by either side of your waist, flat on the tree trunk, so he was almost touching you. Peeta likes that your back bows naturally, reacting on memories it wasn't aware of, while your breath quickens craving for him to touch you.

"What else?"

"I did. You let me", you swallow and bite your lip

Peeta doesn't say it but he sees your eyes drop to his fly before quickly darting back up to his. He wants you to remember that night the right way. He would never hurt you, especially not when you were trusting him at your most vulnerable. For them to warp your memories to believe he had...he wanted them obliterated. Peeta would rewrite every stolen kiss and touch they'd robbed of you.

"Real" Peeta hummed dipping his neck so his lips hovered just above yours

"I asked you to touch me too. Together we...You kissed me as I came" you begin to whisper wincing as if you'd been pricked by something

"Very real"

Peeta knew these were dangerous waters he was treading but he'd been holding back for so long. He raised his hands slowly, making sure that you could see every move he made. It was clear that the things about him you loved the most were what they focused on scaring you away from. It was abundantly clear from day one that his hands were on that list. You always watched them as if they would enclose around your throat. Even now you did yet you still wouldn't move away seemingly searching for answers of your own. Peeta's hands cup your cheeks and he can't help the way his heart sings when you nuzzle into them the way you used to.

"You've been rough with me. A few times. Mean Peeta is so rough with me"

"Not real. I would never. Not unless you asked me to" Peeta shakes his head tilting yours up so he can look into your icy gray eyes

"I can't separate them. I'm trying but I can't" you gasp shakily with tears in your eyes

"Let me show you, please love?" Peeta pleads lowly as his wet lips hover just above yours

"I don't want to hurt you" you whisper as a tear of honest fear rolls over your cheek, terrified of doing so even with the mouth guard and cuffs

Peeta wipes it away gently with another shake of the head.

"You won't" he smiles before his lips cover yours

Your cuffed fingers clutch the front of his shirt as you arch your neck, pushing your body closer to his. It had been too long since he'd felt your lips. Peeta slips his tongue between your plump lips, reveling in the soft moan that shakes your frame as he explores your mouth, sucking on your lips and tongue. He knows how weak it makes you when he suckles your hypersensitive tongue. His left-hand stays cupped on your cheek as his right rests on your hip, thumb caressing the tip of the scar across your belly in small pressured circles. Other than Cinna only he was ever allowed to touch it. When you pull back with an excited gasp, Peeta sees the flash of recognition in your eyes.

Yes.

Peeta doesn't wait before he captures your lips again, pulling your hip against his and sliding the fingers of his right up to thread through your hair. Your body curls into his just the way you used to, molding with him like the perfect piece to his puzzle that you are. Peeta nibbles your bottom lip before pulling your tongue between his lips again, loving how you whimper so softly in his mouth. When he finally pulls back, he rests his forehead against yours.

"Which feels real?" He exhales against your lips

"Gentle Peeta" you sigh "I-I wanted to but...I can't..."

Your pupils dilate widely and before Peeta can register what's happening, you shove him so hard away from you that he stumbles backwards into another tree.

"You're a liar" you hiss

Peeta sees it's not at him. Your eyes are fixed on a point somewhere deep in the woods and they're petrified.

"It's not him. I'm the mutt. I'm the monster. It's me!" You start to screech while pulling at your hair

Peeta starts forward but you snap your jaws in his direction in alarm, your eyes not really seeing anything around you, as you attempt to keep him away from you. Gale snatches Peeta backwards, keeping him at a safe distance.

"It might do more harm than good if it's you" he whispers in Peeta's ear to stop his struggling

"No, you lied! It's not him! It's me! I won't! I won't hurt him for you!" You wail as tears of resignation fall down your face. You move so rapidly as you suddenly pull the strap of your restraints against your throat, lock the strap around your throat then pull backwards in a clear attempt to strangle yourself against the tree behind you. You glare defiantly before choking out your final words "I'm done being in your games"

Finnick is on you in seconds. He's tackled you to the ground as you continue to scream at someone who isn't here. Peeta's eyes are wide with concern and he's trying not to shake in his distress. Within moments you're knocked unconscious by Finnick, who's activated the sedative in your collar. After bundling your slumped form up in his arms, his trident now across his back, he tucks your face away into his neck.

"Hmm" he chuckles under his breath walking over to Peeta and Gale "That went well"

"Who do you think she was talking to?"

"Snow" Peeta's answer is immediate and clipped "And that was a fucking disaster. I just made it worse"

"I don't know Peeta. I think that was a clearer answer than I ever got out of a girl", Gale shrugs as they make their way back to the camp "And I've had girls flat out tell me they liked me"

"What do you mean?"

Gale sighs with exaggeration but Peeta can tell he's not genuinely annoyed at him. Finnick has mercy and explains better, having the most experience in these matters.

"We learned about one thing that happened during her capture today. Can you imagine going through just that? Despite everything they made her forget, altered or put her through, that fear is there. The bloodlust just, isn't. You can't force the mind to just do what you want it to, no matter how much trackerjacker venom you've got. She literally tried to kill herself when the programming attempted to take over. She could have easily choked you instead. Bit your tongue out of your mouth. Anything. But she turned her own restraints back onto herself to protect you. If that doesn't scream that someone loves you more than their own life, I don't know what does", Finnick explained transferring you out of his hood so your face was no longer hidden in his neck. He shifted your weight for Peeta to see your tear-stained cheeks and bruised throat "Every day for weeks. Brainwashed. Tortured, with one thought left in her mind. To kill you. And she just can't bring herself to do it. That kind of love is a lot of things, but it isn't weak"

The group made it back to the camp after this, the squads eyes falling on your slumped form in Finnick's arms.

"What happened?" Boggs sighs

He came over and inspected Peeta's face and neck, his hand on his chin, tilting his face this way and that. He released him when he saw there were no marks.

"Peeta kissed her" Finnick snickers

"So... she fainted?" Leegs chuckles

"No" Peeta snaps wanting nothing more than to take you from Finnick's arms and tuck you out of sight.

"She kissed him back and everything was fine. We blink for five seconds and she's trying to kill herself" Gale sighs running a hand through his black wavy hair

"Damn Peeta, I didn't know you were that bad" Messalla teases

"She was fine! Then I don't know...something snapped. She started to hear Snow. She was yelling at him"

Peeta shoots Finnick an annoyed look before Finnick realizes he's still got you in his arms. It's making it hard for him to focus. With a teasing smile, Finnick slips to his knees and slides you inside the tent before reemerging and joining everyone by the fire.

"What did she say?" Johnson asks seriously

"She was a mutt. She was done playing in his games. Then she turned her restraints on herself" Peeta sighs rubbing his eyes tiredly

"That all?"

"No. He's being painfully obtuse with you on purpose" Gale rolls his eyes "They kissed. They talked about what happened on the train some more and she lost it after. Like some mirror piece had fallen into place and she couldn't stand her reflection or something. She was ready to die so she'd never hurt him. It was in her eyes"

"Keep a closer watch on her. She'll try it again" Cressida sighs

"To kiss Peeta?" Messalla snickered

Peeta really hoped so.

"To kill herself. If that's the decision she's made, it's likely that she'll try again to keep Peeta safe. If she's warring with the fact that she has feelings for him and that she's supposed to kill him out of an unshakable fear, then she will try it again. She's chosen death over being the cause of Peeta's" Finnick explains with a sad shake of the head

"None of us will let that happen" Boggs nods and everyone in the group nods their assertion

      ***

"Did you?" Haymitch asks lowly, his eyes as hard and sad as mine

I don't answer because I don't want to upset him.

"Yes" Peeta's voice is low and dark as he answers for me

"When?"

"When we were coming from underground. There was a tunnel full of mutts. They almost had Finnick and Katniss. She was almost out but she hurled herself back and went wild on them when one of them bit Finnick and pulled him back down. Managed to practically toss Finnick and Katniss up the ladder, even with her hands bound. She was climbing back up, almost out herself and then...I don't know"

His arms tighten and I can feel the shudder that goes through him. I know that day had terrified him. To see me just let go, to think he'd have to live without me. I'd never make it up to him but I was hellbent on trying.

"I was ready to die. I had saved everyone I needed to. What worth was my life anymore?" I sigh guiltily

"Tell me about it" Haymitch leans forward, handing Peeta some of the clear liquor that I gratefully take from his warm hands as he slides it into mine.

"We'd lost Boggs and few others but we were so close"