#spent looking for grants and meeting important people that could help me in my future and progressing on my thesis and research

[feminetomboy]

I need to write a fic in order to regain my youthful whimsy.

[gummybugg]

(From @new-royston-cursebreakers for the character pen pals thing!)

Dear Frasier,

Hello! My name is Caelan Leroy and I’m writing from New Royston, Connecticut. My school, James Violett Memorial High School, is encouraging us students to sign up for a pen pal program to meet people and to learn more about the world outside New Royston’s curse, and I was intrigued when I saw your name on the list!

You see, my father is the mayor of New Royston, and coming from such a successful political family, I’m expected to take the mantle of politics when I grow up as well. Not that I don’t look forward to it, I’d say I’m a pretty good decision maker and I have quite a penchant for public speaking. But I got put into public school so I could ‘start building my voter base as early as possible’ so that’s how serious my family is about this.

I was hoping that, as the trusted assistant to the mayor of Crater City, you could give me some insight as to the background functions of political office. I know that if I wrote to Mayor Darcy, he’d give me the same spiel about putting in the hard work and serving the public and blah blah blah all the same stuff everyone else has told me about. You see things behind the scenes. I want to know the nitty-gritty stuff: what does a day look like for you? What’s the most challenging thing you have to do? Why did you get into this business in the first place, and how?

Of course, I’d be happy to answer any questions you have for me. Though I am only fourteen, so I’m not sure if I could be any help for an established man such as yourself. But rest assured that your advice shapes an impressionable young mind and helps prepare the children of today for the future of tomorrow. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Caelan Leroy

Dear Caelan Leroy,

First, I wanted to mention how you share a very similar story to Darcy’s. Second, you are very lucky this letter did not reach Darcy because he has a tendency to go a bit “overboard,” as they say. I'm sure you would not be too interested in an eleven-page manifesto on what it means to be mayor coming from a man with a savior complex. And if by some chance this letter gets run by him (which it will not; that I am certain of), I have no doubt that he would agree with me. 

A day in the life of Frasier, the mayor’s assistant… Let’s start with how each morning I come into the building (an hour before the mayor, mind you) I begin by checking missed messages. I’m not only a receptionist, but I also oversee business propositions, schedule public/private meetings, and am the first person anyone goes through before the mayor sees them…but I know you didn’t write to hear me rant about any of that. 

So here's the thing: I have access to confidential information on business transactions, receipts telling me where and how money is being spent, and terabytes of private messages and historical records dating back over a hundred years. I am Darcy’s most trusted assistant, indeed! (Which also means I also have dirt on many important figures.)

The most challenging thing I have to do is dispose of those who disagree with the mayor. By “challenging,” I mean that sometimes the people I have to dispose of are hardly a threat by any means, yet I am bound by my contract to comply. Give them the red mark, and send them away. Where? I am under oath not to say.

How I got into the business is a tricky subject, but I believe that I am able to spare a few details. You see, Darcy and I have known each other for many years. Long ago, he had promised me we could change the world for the better, to save humanity together, and I was silly enough to believe him. You could say we didn’t/don’t see eye to eye on a few issues. But it's not like I can magically wave away my contract/duties. No, this position grants me intel I could never have received as a common citizen. I get to uncover the truth that goes on in this city while protecting those I care about, and that is a contract I could never bear to break. 

But enough about me! I wonder what public school is like these days, and am curious how that’s holding up. What’s your day-to-day life like in New Roysten? I’m not sure I’ve ever visited there. It sounds to me like both of our cities share a bit of mystique, and I would love to hear more about yours!

Thank you for taking time out of your day to reach out.

Sincerely,

Frasier

(tagging @writeouswriter for crater city content)

[oumaheroes]

Old Age

Word Count: 1772

Characters: Canada, England, and France

---

There were some days where Canada truly felt his age.

Most of the time how old he was didn’t really hit him. He happily pottered around work or home as easily as he imagined most humans his physical age did: running for a train he was almost certainly going to miss, tripping down the last few steps on a flight of stairs because he was staring at his phone and wasn’t watching his feet, or spilling coffee on himself when he missed his mouth taking a sip.

His colleagues, despite knowing who he was, spoke to him as an equal and Canada could happily pass weeks, or sometimes even months, without consciously being aware of how old he was- or even really what he was.

It was easy to forget, surrounded by humans every day, that he was not one. His ministers and co-workers spoke to him without questioning his position that high in government- that was admittedly unusual for a face as young as his. Occasionally, he’d bump into a young intern or graduate who didn’t know him and he’d have a nice, genuine interaction before a look of shock crossed their face when someone high up greeted him respectfully. It was a helpful, yet stark, reminder.

But overall, when you were surrounded by people who did know it never really hit him that his presence or job was something he took for granted and the passing of time was something he didn’t really take notice of. It was normal. He was there, he was called Matthew, sometimes, or Canada, but both were his name and the potency of what he was, was surprisingly quite forgettable.

Of course, what he was was never something he could completely avoid. Someone would mention a time, or a date, or a thing that had happened and Canada would immediately feel the distance widen between them all as it was made obvious that, to everyone else, what they were discussing was history. It was something passed, something that had happened to other people too long ago to properly connect with on an emotional level. An old battle, an old political bill; something that someone long long dead had said or written that now remained only as faint ink on curling, dusty paper.

But to Canada it was there in his head, the words clear and as easy to recall as if they were spoken to him yesterday. A benefit of nationhood, he supposed, to be fully aware of things that had political consequence, to be able to trace the makings of himself back through time and see how they spiralled and grew.

History wasn’t just words, to him, or mere events. Such things made up the foundations of himself, the building blocks of his life and he felt them thrum through him like a song, twisting and moulding him into being.

Becoming aware of his age and the difference between himself and humans were when Canada really felt the weight of the years he carried. Over three hundred of them made themselves known, hanging off his shoulders and settling down to his legs to hold him up. It was easy to briefly forget how old he was, but that knowledge was impossible to rid himself of entirely- Canada was made up of history, of the bones of time and they cracked together as he moved through his life to remind him of who he was with every step.

He had burned, he had bled, he had died. He had seen.

That was the point of him. To watch to passage of time and remember it, to hold the memory of his people within him and use their voices and experiences to push for the continuation of the future. Their future.

Canada was his people, was made by his people for his people and as he sat amongst them, discussing old old moments long gone with humans who could only read and dream of them, the distinction of what he was would hit him like a thunderbolt.

It was heavy, to be so old. To have seen so many things, to have lived through so much. To be what he was.

He had just had one of those instances. He and his cabinet had spent the entire morning discussing the founding of their nation and its independence in order to plan for the yearly celebrations and Canada had suffered through the whole time feeling every second of his age press against him.

When talks finally drew to a close and he could escape, Canada dragged his ancient body towards the centre of town. England and France were visiting, along with the rest of the UN, and he’d promised to meet them both for lunch before they too were pulled into an afternoon of far more internationally inclined meetings.

If he were honest with himself, what Canada really wanted to do was go home and watch TV; switch his brain off so that he could numb himself with bad reality shows. It was a good pastime that he enjoyed with guilty abandon and one that he would much rather have preferred doing. However, he’d made a promise and Canada was nothing if not a nation of his word.

Sadly.

England and France were already there when he arrived, tucked away in a corner table. France glanced up as the door jingled with his entrance, waving him over with a smile. Canada nodded at the waiter who motioned him through and settled himself down in a chair at their table between them.

‘Good afternoon,’ France greeted him with his usual cheek kisses, hair tickling Canada’s nose as he leant in close, ‘you arrived just on time, I was about to throw Arthur out of the window.’

‘You wish,’ England looked up from his phone and shot him a quick, but warm smile, ‘Hello Matthew.’

Canada’s heart sank. He really wasn’t in the mood to play mediator today, ‘Dare I ask why?’ he said, turning to France.

France gave an effortless shrug and settled back in his seat, ‘Do I really need a reason?’

‘Yes.’

Both England and Canada spoke at once and France gave a sly grin, ‘I won’t darling, you don’t deserve the trouble,’ he patted Canada’s knee soothingly and politely ignored England’s muttered “as if you could” from across the table, ‘but the idiot seems to think he’s correct about something which he very much is not.’

‘Oh, of course,’ England retorted immediately, ‘you can’t remember properly but I’m the one who’s wrong.’

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

‘What is it?’ Canada interjected quickly. The waiter who had greeted him at the door was shooting their table looks of alarm out of the corner of his eye and Canada smiled at him apologetically, ‘Maybe I could help.’

To his surprise, England and France shared a look, something unspoken passing between them, ‘You weren’t about yet,’ offered France, sounding apologetic.

‘When was it?’

‘Oh, not too long ago,’ England waved a hand airily, ‘only six hundred years or so.’

Canada blinked, ‘Six hundred?’

‘Or there abouts,’ England frowned again, ‘I’m not sure when exactly, but I know France is wrong.’

France scoffed, ‘You can’t remember when it is, but you know I’m wrong?’

‘Obviously. I know it was about fifty years after Agincourt, I’m not sure of exactly when but-‘

‘Well, there you go! You’ve muddled it up with something else.’

‘I haven’t! You held that ball, the one with the fucking shit tonne of flowers everywhere, and were displaying those golden goblet things you were so damn proud of and I gave you that stupid painting-‘

‘No!’ France interjected angrily, ‘You took that painting and then were made to give it back.’

‘I didn’t! It was my bloody painting- Jesus fucking Christ,’ England held his head in his hands, ‘that’s not the point, I’m using that as a reference-‘

‘Yes well, pick a reference that has a grain of reality in it, would you?’

England opened his mouth to argue back again but Canada didn’t hear him, by now long tuned out of the conversation.

Only. Only six hundred years ago. Canada couldn’t even imagine that amount of time, couldn’t imagine having lived so long that six hundred years was considered to be a mere drop in the ocean.

But to these two, it was. England and France had both been alive for millennia, had known each other for that long and had been alive without each other for even longer before that.

Sitting next to them, his own existence suddenly felt like nothing, felt insignificant in the history of mankind. What had Canada seen, that these two had not? He couldn’t even begin to imagine. Three hundred years felt more than enough.

It hit him, then, how long most of their kind had lived. He’d realised this before, of course, but still the comprehension about the difference in age between him and most of the world left him dumbstruck anew. Fuck, what about China; Lord only knew how old he really was. There wasn’t a point in history that it didn’t seem as though China hadn’t been around to experience, even from across the world. Whole empires and civilisations had risen and fallen and most of the nations Canada knew had personally been involved in them somehow. It was astounding to consider all the people who had lived throughout the centuries that, to Canada, felt like nothing more than characters in a story.

What on earth was three hundred years to age like that? To history that felt so ancient to him, so disconnected that it didn’t really even feel real, but that was as normal to most nations as his own history was.

How many years would Canada have to live until three hundred was something he would describe as ‘only’?

‘Are you alright, lad?’ Canada was jolted out of his spiral to find England looking at him with concern, a hand on his arm.

‘Yeah, sorry,’ he shook his head, ‘it’s just- you’re both so old.’

England coloured and France laughed, ‘We’re not old,’ England jabbed a thumb in France’s direction, ‘Well, he is.’

‘It is more about how you feel and act, dear, that’s more important and in that regard, you are far older than I.’ France yelped suddenly as England kicked him under the table, ‘Does the truth sting, Arthur? Is that why you felt the need to vent your frustrations on me?’

‘As if I need more of a reason-‘

They began again, in earnest, but Canada let them continue uninterrupted, silently and guiltily enjoying the feeling of being a child once more.

---

AN:

I must admit that not much thought or plot went into this. I wanted to write something short and somewhat silly as a treat for spending most of yesterday editing. Ideally, one day I want to take this concept and explore it more with greater care and detail because I think it’s something a newer nation like Canada would really struggle with.

300 years is a long time, and I’m sure it must be hard for him to feel that age and then go and speak to anyone from the Old World and be met with the reality of how truly old their kind can be. Canada is a baby, despite the centuries he has collected for himself, and I feel like there would always be that conflict within him about how old he feels around humans comapred to how old he is next to other nations. Maybe this idea is best explored as a headcannon rather than a fic, but I had a fun time writing it.

Anyway, that is my tuppence worth- thank you for reading!

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : What Was

11 - “I love you.” “Then why did you let (her/him/them) get in between us?” 17 - “You win, happy?” 34 - “I would’ve done anything for you.”

Genre: Angst

Warning: Language, Mentions of Cheating, Heartbreak

Word Count: 1,194

* * * * * *

It was the ultimate hurt. The epitome of betrayal. 

She took all that you’d started to have and threw it in the trash, all while ripping your heart out and shoving it in a garbage disposal and flicking the switch. Or at least that’s what it felt like she’d done. 

Why? You don’t know know. And why she’d done it with her of all people was truly lost on you.

The whole thing completely blindsided you. It’s not like there were signs or a reason for her to cheat. You and Natasha were happy and everyone could see it, you could feel it.

You would wake up in each others arms, make breakfast together even though neither of you were good at cooking. Time spent together was cherished and still you’d both made sure to have your alone time.

Perfect is far from what your relationship was but it felt that way. You and Natasha understood each other, cared for each other, loved each other, were loyal to each other. It all fell apart when that last one went away. 

With loyalty went trust and honesty and so on. It left you broken for a while but now you’d been trying to pull yourself together.

“Hey, Pep,” you step into the woman’s office folders in one hand and a child on your hip,“ two deliveries, one more important than the other.” You say with a teasing tone even though you’re serious. 

Gently you set Morgan down and she runs over to her mother, throwing herself into the woman’s arms, and you approach to set the file down. 

Pepper smiles at you gratefully,“ thanks for watching her.” You’d been more than happy to keep an eye on Morgan while Pepper was in her meeting.“ If this is the Pfizer file you’re done for the day.”

“It certainly is,” you nod, then wring your fingers together,“ I was wondering if I’d been granted my two weeks.”

At your words, her smile drops a little.“ Oh, yeah, I approved it. I just- are you sure you want to leave?” 

You sigh,“ you know if I didn’t think it was best I wouldn’t but- throwing myself into my work isn’t exactly healthy and I need to get over-” you stop, eyes flicking to Morgan,“ you know.”

“I understand. I’m just going to miss you. We all are.” She speaks in reference to herself, Morgan, and Tony. 

After Natasha thought it was a good idea to sleep with Wanda despite your eleven month relationship, you couldn’t handle seeing them every day so you went to stay with the Starks, who welcomed you with open arms. 

With a small pout you round the desk with open arms and the three of you hugged briefly. 

Pulling away, you told them you would miss them too, and after a small lunch(burgers courtesy of Happy), Pepper confirms that Tony set the jet and hotel stay up for you and you once again thanked her, saving Tony’s thanks for when you see him. 

Shortly after you leave the new Stark outreach building, Tony had bought the building and started the organization to assist those who needed help after the Snap, you drive back to the compound. 

Even though this was at once your home, you still feel uncomfortable stepping foot into the building after everything with Natasha. 

Luckily you make it to your old room without running into anyone. You make quick work of cleaning the room that you hadn’t occupied in months, hastily putting everything Natasha had left behind in a box(sweaters, jackets, pictures, etc.), and make sure to pack all you need while gone. 

Despite your speed though, you’re pretty much caught.

“Y/n please don’t leave.” Her voice hits your ears and you freeze.“ This is your home-” 

Spinning to face her, you raise a brow,“ my home? Do you really think that this place still feels like that? You fucked OUR best friend in the room across the goddamn hall Natasha.”

A fact that made it a million times worse. Wanda was yours and Natasha’s best friend. She was the one that encouraged the two of you to pursue each other. For her to just turn around and then be half the reason this relationship shattered to pieces hurt like hell. 

“Natasha I don’t think this place will ever be my home again. And if I’m being honest,” you turn away from her piercing green eyes before you finish,“ you were my home first. Since the second I got here it was you.”

It’s so quiet you hear her breath hitch, you hear the small step she takes towards you, and without thinking you step back, legs brushing the side of the bed.

Green teary eyes flicker from the photo sitting a top the box(one Pepper had taken of you both at the opening of the outreach center) and back to you,“ I love you.”

You scoff. The sound was made involuntarily and you know it hurt her but she’d hurt you too.“ If you love me so much why did you let her get in between us?”

“It was a mistake. One I should’ve known better than to make but I wasn’t thinking. I never wanted- I don’t know what I wanted at that moment but-”

“Well if you want to hurt me then you got it. You win, happy?”

Her fingers grip the side of her pants and her jaw clenches and unclenches,“ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-” she stops. She’s given you this speech before and it didn’t work, she’d be a fool to think it would now.

“I know you are,” because you do. It’s clear as day that she truly didn’t mean to hurt you but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she did.

Zipping up the suitcase, you trail your eyes over the fairly empty room, you always spent more time in Natasha’s room so you never really did much with the place, then walk past the red head, leaving the box sitting on the bed.

The silence is awkward and tense in a way it never had been before. Both of you feel the finality of this moment. Whatever is said will be the last of this relationship. How you leave today will set the tone for whatever relationship this may be in the future, if there will be one for that matter.

So in a last ditch attempt to ensure she doesn’t lose you forever, to ensure that you come back to be in her life in any way at all, she speaks.

“I would’ve done anything for you.” Her voice shakes with her words, stopping you at the door,“  I still would.”

Without even looking back you shake your head,“ I’m sure that’s true, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Knowing you wouldn’t make it through more conversation without bursting into tears, you clutch your suitcase in your hand, and leave. Tony said he’d be waiting for you at the airport and while you aren’t entirely sure what running to Brazil would do, you pray it fixes what’s left of your broken soul. 

[breitzbachbea]

#11 and #41 for turgre!

Thank you for sending the prompt in!

Fanfic Trope Mash Up

#11 Neighbour AU + #41 Big Damn Kiss =

Herakles & Sadık are both recent university graduates from Athens & İstanbul, but find themselves lacking opportunities to work in their homecountries. So they go abroad to try their luck elsewhere.

Both end up in Germany. Herakles' is living with the Simonides old family friends who've either migrated decades ago or are living as expats in Germany. Natasa and Ibrahim welcome Herakles with open arms. He immediately makes friends with their twins, only a few years younger than him. Omar and Timothea, as they're called, are still living with their parents while they're attending the local university. They're not living in luxury, but they're happy.

Sadık manages to get in contact with Havva Be Yauno via some university acquaintances. They migrated to Germany a while ago, after being kicked out working in local administration. Sadık gets to share a small flat in the building Havva manages for the landlord, together with a Kurdish Woman called Dilan Taş. After some initial hiccups, the two become close friends.

The hiccups with their neighbours next door are less initial. No, that's a lie - The Simonides don't mind their new neighbours, even invite them for coffee and tea. Omar pretty quickly evolves a crush on Dilan.

It's just Herakles and Sadık who keep butting heads.

They argue about petty semantics that only people who studied 'breadless art' would care about. Herakles complains that they're too loud at night. Sadık says Herakles is dragging stray cats into the house by leaving out food & now the whole staircase stinks. There's always something.

As time goes on, they get over themselves a little. Too busy with their own life. Sadık feeds the cats with scraps he gets from the Turkish butcher. Herakles comes over after it's been eerily quiet for weeks and finds out that Sadık's latest odd job makes him work at night. He actually finds him slumped over on the kitchen table when Dilan lets him in before she leaves for work. He goes back and leaves him a package of expensive coffee beans that he had imported from Greece.

One night, they end up together on the university campus. Sitting on the steps surrounding a piece of green near a small river. The city's barely still awake, there's only music, TV and chatter from the dorms. The occassional student crossing after they stayed late at the library.

"What did you actually study?" Sadık asked and put the lighter back into his pocket. It was a cheap one with a wheel. Pain in the ass to get working at this point. His last money had been spent on the cigarettes themselves.

Herakles took a deep breath through his nose. He stared at the water, flowing invisibly except for a few dancing white and orange specks. "Philosophy," he said.

Sadık chuckled and the chuckle quickly became a laugh. "Oh, what a surprise that you couldn't find a job with such a prestigious degree." He grinned and exhaled some smoke.

"And history. Archaeology, Politics, Linguistics, Architecture, Maths... I dipped my toes into physics, too, for a little bit, but couldn't really make it."

Sadık's grin had long faltered. Herakles looked to the river. A smile replaced the initial surprise on Sadık's face. "Oho, a real Renaissance man, aren't you?"

"I like to learn. But all I could do with the few fields I actually managed to acquire a degree in was teach in school. And I'm just not... very good at that." He sighed. Long. "But my dad had stopped paying once I had gotten a job, not that he had ever really paid me enough, mind you, so... I had nowhere to go if I had quit."

"Except here." Sadık wished Herakles would have looked at him. To even catch a glimpse of him, a little bit of that beautiful face illuminated by the pale moon or the orange streetlights.

"Except here." Sadık finally had his wish granted. "What did you study?"

Sadık took a deep breath through his nose. His cigarette was almost finished. "Architecture, too. Tried to get into engineering, but couldn't quite make it. Would have loved to do Literature, frankly. I dunno, get a teaching position at an university, but Anne* always had higher plans for me. Career woman and all that, only wanted the best for me, too, so studying something almost as useless as philosophy wasn't really up for debate."

Now he was the one to stare into the river while he took another drag. He looked at his feet. His shoes could need a good cleaning.

"A smoking literature professor, how cliché," Herakles said and the deep shadows on his face hid how much it reflected the amusement in his voice. He leant in closer to Sadık and put a hand on his thigh. His inner thigh. "All the women would have gone wild over this."

"You think so?" Sadık asked, an expectant but cautious smirk on his face. Rest of his cigarette between his fingers. Herakles' weight on his thigh. He enjoyed his touch. The nights were so cold here in Germany. He leant in for a kiss.

Herakles' hand disappeared. "But I don't kiss smokers." The next moment, Sadık was engulfed in darkness as Herakles stood and blocked the streetlight. He turned and adjusted his jacket. "I have a job interview tomorrow, so see you around, I guess." He turned to just the right angle that Sadık could catch his grin.

He only had a dumbfounded stare as goodbye while Herakles climbed the stairs back to street level.

Some time after this incident, Herakles gets a job as research assisstant at the local university. It's initially only for a project of the history facculty, but he's happy nonetheless.

Now that he knows Sadık enjoys literature, he tells the Simonides one time the topic crops up & they know of a regional literature club, who's holding public reading nights. Any author can show up and read their pieces for 10 Minutes to an audience. Omar tells Dilan, who knows that Sadık writes poetry. She thinks he should go and so after she bullied him into it, they do.

Sadık becomes a regular guest there and ends up meeting other literature enthusiasts, like the Beilschmidts. (He and Gilbert bicker a lot about what the other writes, both trying to take the other down a peg). Sadık never tells Herakles any of this.

So imagine his surprise when he spots him one night in the audience. Afterwards, he's torn between sneaking out and going straight up to him, but Herakles makes the decision for him.

"I didn't know you wrote poetry," Herakles finally broke the awkward stare-off.

"Well, now you do." Sadık closed his book and shoved it under his arm. With a grin, he asked: "You think it's good?"

Despite what followed, Herakles couldn't wipe the smile off his face: "I enjoyed it more than the other guy's crime story, at least."

Sadık gave a short bark of laughter. "Oh, you don't know half of it, Gilbert's been trying to make it work since forever. You got time for a coffee?"

So life's good. They're hanging out, they're working, they're pursueing their passions. One time, the heater in Sadık and Dilan's flat breaks and despite Havva trying their best to get it repaired and them a temporary replacement, they're freezing their asses off. So they go and visit their neighbours, who offer them to sleep over. Sadık is supposed to sleep on the couch. Dilan is supposed to sleep on a mattress in the Simonides' room. Both somehow end up sleeping in a Greek's bed instead. (Herakles has a really small room - his desk is even in the twins' room cuz it wouldn't fit in his own. Sadık asks if he wants coffee and they end up drinking coffee in his bed together and talk until they fall asleep.)

Life could be rosy. That is until one day, the Simonides get into real trouble with the landlord. You see, Natasa and Havva always had a tense relationship, because Natasa doesn't believe in playing by the rules too much, while Havva is a very organized person. However, now some things - like mayhaps Herakles living with them - have gotten directly to the landlord of the building and they're not amused. They threaten to evict them, unless Herakles is going - and want a hefty fine from the Simonides either way.

Getting a new home would mean severe financial strain, not to mention the fine. Omar and Thea may would have to pause or drop their studies. Herakles would have to go back to Greece and start from scratch.

Which he's willing to do, seeing how much trouble he caused the family, even if it breaks his heart. Natasa is having none of it - "I'm not sending you back to your son of a bitch, deadbeat dad, Iraklis" - and insists he stays.

Dilan and Sadık get wind of all of this and they're just as devasted as the family itself. They don't want to lose their neighbours. They don't want this to ruin Omar's and Thea's future. They don't want Herakles to leave. Sadık doesn't want Herakles to leave.

So he pleads with Havva to do something, anything, he'll help them do whatever it takes. Natasa is far too proud to do so. Maybe she even suspects that Havva had something to do with it. (They don't).

And through a lot of negotiation, bribery and running errands, the Simonides get to stay. Omar and Thea can continue pursueing their degrees in peace. Herakles gets to stay and keep working in Germany.

"You... You've spent your past weeks on this?" Herakles' stare pierced Sadık as much as it seemed to look right through him. His mouth hung open, jaw slack. "This was all your doing?"

Sadık took a deep breath, but had to settle for a rather unintelligent "Well, yeah." Herakles' stare unsettled him. He had never seen him at a loss for words before. He was even afraid the other might faint.

A heartbeat later, Sadık was afraid he might faint. Herakles had taken a step towards him, grabbed his face and pressed his lips onto Sadık's. It knocked the breath out of him.

His lips were soft. They were so soft and hot and melded with his own effortlessly.

He kissed back, hands on Herakles' face, fingers buried in the messy hairy. The pressure between them was right, felt right, made them one for a brief eternity.

It ended as abruptly as it had begun. They both took a deep breath through their nose and Herakles panted loudly as he exhaled through the mouthm He swallowed.

"Herakles, I don't think that that's an appropriate enough Thank you", Ibrahim said, but neither of the two barely even registered it. Natasa laughed. Loudly.

"Oh, no, I think it's more than enough," Sadık replied as he stared at the wall next to Herakles' head. His hands were still on his face. "Although..." Ibrahim and Natasa were talking in Greek when he faced Herakles again. She still chuckled while a grin stole itself onto his face. "I think I could go for a little bit more gratitude, after all we've done."

"Don't push it," Herakles warned him. Yet, his cockyness was rewarded with another kiss.

Sadık's tongue slipped between his lips effortlessly. As if it belonged there.

Like Herakles belonged here.

So... yeah! I hope you liked it!

[liam-93-productions]

Liam’s full interview with Tings Magazine - Part 3

Note: the interview was recorded in may 2020.

(...)

I want to switch focuses to your solo music. You recently put out a new single. Is that leading to another album? Um, I enjoy doing the singles bit a lot more. I don’t know if I’m an albums artist. When I look back on my album, I don’t know if I had a story to tell. I was just trying to put something together and I don’t think that’s the point with an album. I think there is a lot of artists out there like Harry and Ed Sheeran who have a real story in what they are saying. I just like the vibe, I like the vibe of putting out a song and that sort of feeling. It kind of lends to this era and how fast people want content. I just like putting these singles out. I’m under no impression that One Direction is coming back at some point. I am just going to keep going as I’m going and put out some cool new vibes for everyone and see what happens. 

What do you think the future of touring is post-pandemic or for you as an artist? What does a Liam Payne tour look like in the future? The most difficult part of this is learning that we aren’t going to get to perform for at least a year. It’s going to be a long time before those gates open up. I’ve been speaking to other artists and everyone is generally worried that we can’t. There’s going to be a lot more online performances. That’s definitely going to be one of the futures in this business because, at the moment, we are all stuck waiting for when we can perform. But I definitely want to do a tour again. I just spent so much of my life on tour that I don’t know if I can go back in that way if that makes sense. 

The landscape of making money has changed. Some artists lose money on tour...  A lot of artists lose money on tour, more than you think. The gamble and the bet are that people will come see you again. When you are selling a tour... The reason why One Direction was so great was because it was about making memories for people. That’s the whole thing about the tour, whether it be how much money we spent on fireworks at that time. It’s something that you’ll never forget. All of these different elements, like when we built the stage that looked like all around the world. Those were real moments for people. That’s that essence. It’s a really difficult thing for people to grasp because people are so well-adjusted to seeing shows right now that they need more. They need more from the show. You’re got to fly.  It’s like when P!nk did what she did. No one would ever recreate that show. P!nk was amazing at what she did. It was acrobatic, Cirque de Soleil and pop, which was crazy. So, it’s difficult to figure out how you are going to create that moment. I think that’s the thing that’s really holding me back at the moment because I need those songs that are really going to grasp the memory. I want to get out there and have this list of songs that is hit after hit. 

I have a few fun questions. Who’s the coolest phone number you have in your phonebook? What a funny question! Mark Wahlberg, I never thought I'd have Mark Wahlberg.That’s pretty random. He’s amazing as a person. I was fortunate enough to go to his house. He was kind enough to help me with some audition stuff for acting. We went training in his gym, but to go to someone’s house on your second friend meet, he’s so cool. He has the most amazing house. 90210, it’s unbelievable. It’s like he has so much time in his day, he’s a real hustler, go-getter. I was talking about this with Louis. With One Direction, we didn’t have to do any footwork. People would want to work with us, where that’s been a different transition, learning how to enterprise on scenarios, which is difficult. It’s hard to keep people interested in a project that you have going on for a long time and to build a relationship with somebody in that way. I make friends with people quite easily when I’m out somewhere, but I struggle to keep hold of them. 

What’s been the biggest ‘I have arrived moment’ for you? After the band went on hiatus, I was standing in Wembley Stadium. There were ninety-one thousand people watching us, and I even bought a shirt that I wanted to wear for the moment. I thought I might never get to do this again. This is the best moment ever.  It was about a year later, I did this show in Dubai. It was in this park. I was like ‘Oh my God, you booked a park’. I genuinely didn’t eat lunch because I thought I’m going to owe the promoter so much money. I was stressing the f-out. Then I got to the show, I could hear people chanting my name and I thought there’s a few people here. There’s a few thousand people here. And I got out and did the show, and there was a sea of people. The Royal family was there.  I finished the show. I was the only artist. And someone was like, ‘You’ve broken a record’. There were a hundred and then thousand people. I was like ‘Wow’. For me, on that stage, I thought I was never going to do that again. It’s never doing to happen. And then do it by yourself and more. And I genuinely sat in the same chair for like three hours, coming down off of the experience. That was a really crazy moment in time.  During One Direction, we didn’t get to enjoy the parties because we were off on a plane to somewhere else straight away. It was hard to register moments in One Direction. Learning to appreciate and celebrate events is important because you put a lot of work into that time. 

For sure, that’s why so many things fall apart. There’s that pressure to never stop... Think kind circles around. This epidemic has been one of the worst things to happen to the world in our lifetimes. It’s quite crazy that it’s taken this natural pause for a lot of us to step off of that working treadmill, to be able to take in the world.  To get this natural pause out of life, we were all at a height of things, where everything was too much. You look at global warming; you look at all these things, and the worlds gone hold on a minute. And it’s important. Out of this horrible atrocity, there’s a beautiful side out of it. We’ve all learned to stay at home and it will be okay the next day. One of the most beautiful things to come out of this scenario is that we can all realize what we’ve taken for granted before. I can’t believe, in this country, it’s taken an epidemic to get us applauding our national health service. These people genuinely fight diseases every day. They are the heartbeat of the country. It’s only when I went down to the food bank to help out for the day, to meet these people, they genuinely do it because they care about it. They are volunteers a lot of them, and they keep the country alive. 

[squirrelly831]

Proposal [Mark and Jaebum]

Remember how it was noted that Jaebum almost lost Yuna? Well this was one of the two times. The first was when she wouldn't even give him a chance to date her. This includes some angst, but not enough to have a trigger (: just a good old punch in the face (don't really punch your friend in the face--unless they deserve it) (:

xoxo

Mark

Christmas was Marcie’s and Mark’s favorite time of year. Not only was it near their anniversary since they began to date, but it was a time they both got to see their families for a big reunion. Christmas in LA was always fun for them as their families would spend the day together as a happy family for the past four years. However, this year, the families spent Christmas in snowy Colorado at Marcie’s and Mark’s vacation home. To Mark and Marcie, family was important which was why they were so important with their next step.

Mark had planned proposing to Marcie for the past six months with the help of their parents. Marcie was on an expedition in the United Kingdom and was due to conclude it a week before Christmas. The distance was what made Mark more sure of proposing. Being away from Marcie was normal in their relationship due to their jobs, but he hated being home alone. Mark also feared that one day, Marcie may realize how much better she was without him and leave him.

Marcie was getting out of the airport with her cart of luggage from her several month long trip. She tucked herself deeper into her winter coat as she looked for her family. Her body was sore from all the bending and digging, but it gave her a sense of satisfaction as they may have discovered more history about Stonehenge.

“Ciecie!”

Her head whipped around to see Mark with a giant poster with her parents and his. Forgetting her bags, she ran up to Mark and threw her arms around Mark’s neck. Her father retrieved her bags as Mark held her tightly in his arms taking in her scent. Marcie loved the adventure her work gave her, but she loved her home with Mark so much more. “I love you” she whispered in the crook of his neck.

“I love you more” he kissed her head before she pulled back and he gave her a kiss on the lips.

The family spent the week before Christmas catching up with Mark and Marcie as well as McKenzie and Changkyun who had stopped in to visit and announce their wedding plans for the following year. Marcie was asked to be McKenzie’s maid of honor which Marcie immediately accepted while Changkyun asked Mark to be one of his best men which he readily agreed. Due to the wedding announcement, Mark debated on proposing after their news, but with a push from both their parents and McKenzie’s not so subtle threat, he pushed forward.

Christmas Eve, the families attended church so that Christmas Day, they could spend it together. Everyone was opening presents dressed casually minus Mark and Marcie who had plans afterwards to go celebrate their anniversary. Done with the presents, the parents cleaned up the wrapping paper and subtly moved as McKenzie grabbed her phone and hit record. Mark and Marcie were the only ones by the Christmas tree and Mark couldn’t help the smile that grazed his lips.

Marcie stood to move, but he caught her hand stopping her as he reached for the final present, “This one is for you from me.” A blush crossed his face as Marcie took the small bag.

Cooly she pulled out the gift paper and found a jewelry box. She smiled expecting another ring or earring to add to the collection Mark had already given her. However, when she flipped open the box, she let out a gasp before looking at Mark who was kneeling before her.

Mark cleared his throat as he felt nervous. “I found the reason for my smile, the day I met you. You complete me, make me, and fulfil me. So will you marry me, Marcie Delilah Addington?”

Marcie’s shaky hand was over her mouth as tears fell down her face. Words would not form and she nodded her head. Mark stood up and took the ring out the box and placed it on Marcie’s finger as the family cheered. He wiped her face of the fallen tears before he kissed her.

Jaebum

To say Jaebum took Yuna for granted was an understatement. It’s not that he meant it on purpose, but he was so used to her being there by his side. At least she had been until she walked out the door of their shared apartment with a small bag of clothes. The slamming of the door was the only noise that was made. Jaebum sat on the couch unmoved from his position. The emotions in him swirled, anger, sadness, betrayal, but most importantly emptiness. Yuna walked out on him. The woman he promised his life to stabbed him in the back-- and it was all his fault.

Yuna wiped a tear off her cheek as she tried to maintain her calm exterior. She was broken inside, but as she walked down the hall past the neighbors she sure heard their shouting match--she held her head up high. She wouldn’t cry. Not there where people would judge her. Where people would assume he left her. Paparazzi would eat up that story and his fans would believe it as they have always hated her. The elevator opened and shut once she was inside. When she was finally alone, her tears spilled and she let out a sob down ten floors of their apartment complex. Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart as she descended down to the main lobby. When she was free from the elevator, she fled no longer caring for the stares of others as she raced out to her car.

A week of silence from Jaebum is what led the others to investigate starting at his apartment. Mark punched in the code to the apartment and opened the door to darkness. The guys rushed inside and saw Jaebum on the couch fast asleep with his phone clutched in his hand. “Jae?” Mark approached him and gave him a shake.

Jaebum shot up, “Yuna!” He exclaimed but his sadness returned when he saw the guys, “It’s just you guys.”

“Just us?” Jinyoung’s eyebrow rose, “You haven’t answered our texts in over a week and that’s your response to us?”

Jaebum rubbed his eyes, “That’s not what I meant… I just--I expected Yuna to come home and she hasn’t.” The men went silent and tension rose. “She left me” Jaebum explained, causing them to exhale as they had feared something had happened to her.

“Why? Out of all of us, we wouldn’t have expected you two to break up?”

Jaebum felt a wave of guilt, “It’s my fault… I told her I didn’t need a paper to tell me we were in love--”

“Oh no you didn’t” the guys groaned their complaints. “Why would you tell her that? She’s been waiting to be your wife since well forever!” Bambam huffed.

“I know, I didn’t think of that when I said it. Of course, I wanna marry her, but we’re so young…”

“Have you even proposed to her?” Mark countered and Jaebum fell silent. A deafening answer to them and they shook their heads. “You haven’t even bothered to make your relationship serious, dude. No wonder she left.”

Jaebum jumped from the couch and caught Mark by his collar, “I AM SERIOUS ABOUT HER!”

Mark swatted his hands off him as his anger grew, “Really? Where? Fuck, Jaebum we’re all engaged or married and you’re still fucking dating.”

“I know that. I was just waiting for the right time to propose…”

Mark gestured around the dark room, “I say the perfect time has sailed. She’s gone, Jaebum. And instead of going after her, you let her walk out!”

“I KNOW--”

Mark swung at Jaebum, punching him in the jaw. The others reacted as BamBam and Yugyeom grabbed Mark from swinging again while Youngjae and Jackson rushed to Jaebum’s side and Jinyoung stood between them. “Stop moping around and fucking do something.” Mark easily shoved Bambam and Yugyeom off him and he turned to leave. “Get your head out your ass. You aren’t the only one remotely suffering.”

Mark left, leaving the others and Jaebum alone. Jaebum’s hand cradled his jaw as his other hand clenched, “I know he’s right.. I just don’t know what to do.”

“I think you do know what to do, hyung,” Yugyeom replied. And the truth was Jaebum did know but was terrified.

Another week had gone by before Yuna heard any word from Jaebum asking to meet him in their favorite spot--the hill that had a view of the sky. At first, Yuna was going to chuck the letter and tell him to go to hell, but she missed him. Maybe she had over reacted that they were still just boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, she wanted to be his wife. She loved him so of course she wanted to marry him. She reluctantly gathered herself and got her makeup on before she headed out to the meeting place.

Jaebum checked his watch again for the hundredth time as he moved the bundle of pink roses in his hand. A throat cleared and his head shot up to see Yuna in one of her favorite sweaters and skirts. He had a chance to make up with her! Had this been a breakup, Yuna would have gone a full 9 yards to show what he was losing--something she had done with men who never had the fortunate chance to be with her. The words he had practiced for over a week were gone as he stared at his girlfriend.

“Well? I didn’t come here to be stared at” Yuna scowled. “I was going to meet up with the real estate agent” she lied. She saw the flicker of hurt in Jaebum’s eyes and she began to feel guilt build, but she shook it off. We’re not staying with him if he won’t look to a future with us, she coached herself as she crossed her arms.

Jaebum bit his lower lip as he held out the flowers, “I just wanted to talk to you…” Yuna took the roses and pressed them to her. “You were right.”

“About?”

“Everything. How I was selfish about not wanting to get married and how I only thought of myself.” His hands felt clammy as he tried to speak. “You chased after me for so long and compared to that, the amount of chasing I’ve done has been nothing. But I love you, you have to know tha--”

Yuna pushed her hair off her shoulder, “It’s not enough.”

Jaebum’s shoulders slumped, “I know... “

“You can love me now and eventually find another woman who you love more. Someone you’d want to start a family with. I could be too annoying to be a wife to you…”

Jaebum’s eyes met her in a panic, “I was a kid when I said that. I never--” No, back then he meant it.

Yuna took a seat on the bench as Jaebum watched her, “It’s stupid. We were kids, but to have the guy you were obsessed with at one point to say that to you, even as a kid, is a hit to your ego. Who’s to say you wouldn’t feel that way again?” Yuna sighed. “Maybe we should just call it quits? With GOT7 and your work, doing this” she swung her finger between the two of them “is just going to make your work so much harder.”

She gave him one of her fake smiles and Jaebum wanted to scream. He saw the pain he brought her, the uncertainty she had due to him unable to make them official. Jaebum knew this was more than something he said as a child. This was her love language, she needed action. Words only meant so much to her compared to actions and Jaebum failed. “Don’t you see, you leaving me will make my life harder” he shook his head, “I wouldn’t be able to function without you.” Yuna sighed as she went to stand, but Jaebum placed his hand on her shoulder as he knelt in front of her. “I know I suck sometimes. I don’t show you that you’re the only one for me, but you have to believe me when I say that. You’re as important to me as the boys if not more.” He pulled out a ring box from his pockets and opened it. Yuna’s eyes widened as a gasp escaped her lips. “And I know this is a pretty shitty way to propose, but I had to show you that you are the only one I want. Mook Yuna, will you marry me?”

Yuna’s eyes watered as she looked from Jaebum to the ring. “Idiot…” Jaebum chuckled as he took out the ring and placed it on her finger. “You’re such an idiot.”

Jaebum pulled her into his arms as she cried. Her fist hit him in the chest a couple of times before it stilled and her left hand wrapped around his neck. “I still need an answer.”

“You wanna die? You put me through all this stress and you want an answer?” She pulled back with anger in her eyes. “I should kill you! I’ve lost years off my life because of you. You sho--”

“Oh shut up” Jaebum rolled his eyes playfully as he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers to silence her complaints. He could have sworn she cursed him under her breath, but when she kissed him back he knew he got the answer he needed.

Part II || Part III

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

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[3pirouette]

Fic: Worthy (or Five Times Steve Talked to People about Time Travel and One Time He Didn’t) (1/1)

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine. Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: “What…what if I stay?” He took a breath. “I don’t feel like there’s much for me there… in the future… anymore. I’m tired. I wanted… I wanted to hang up the shield when that war was over… I think I’ve given more than my fair share.” His words fell to nothing as he finished that sentence. “I only ever wanted to do my fair share…”

A/N: I started this on August 8, 2019. I have revisited it various times since then, fixing things that were misremembered after we got Endgame on DVD and fixing tenses. It feels more appropriate than ever right now to post, though. The first section, with Wanda, was written back in 2019. I’ve made minor edits, but her words have been around LONG before WandaVision was even announced. Obviously, by the ending, AU.

Also, I KNOW I skip potentially the MOST important person he should be talking to, but Steve’s conversation with Bucky from this fic actually got pulled out and turned into it’s own fic/universe: Six Dates, Times, and Places. Read that if you need some BFF Steve and Bucky.

~*~

Steve woke up at night in cold sweats, still feeling the vibranium cracking under his fingers as he tried to recenter himself, as he tried to remember where he was. The small tent on the edge of the former battlefield wasn’t much, but it was better than he’d been used to when he was in the trenches, and it was enough for now.

He let other people, better equipped people like Pepper and Strange and Sam handle the big stuff- the cities and the government and the publicity and the how of everything they did. He was never really prepared for what happened if they brought everyone back, he admitted it to himself now on dark nights when he woke up with his heart racing, that he never really thought they’d do it.

He headed up the clean-up: walking through the destruction and trying to put some order to it, helping dig out the bodies of good men and women who lost their lives, who wouldn’t be brought back by a snap, helping destroy the tech that Thanos had brought so it never fell into the wrong hands. He and Wanda spent their days putting right what went so very, very wrong.

Even with everything nearly done, with the building nearly ready for renovation and every lost soul accounted for and laid to rest, it didn’t seem over. It had been weeks, and yet the years before seemed like moments. He spent his days moving like a ghost, going from task to task, keeping his thoughts to himself.

After it was over, when the clean-up was deemed done and it had been decided it was time to move on, Wanda was the first person he said anything to as they stood together on the ridge, overlooking the old Avengers headquarters as it was bulldozed to the ground. “I should probably feel happier,” Wanda mumbled. “At peace.”

Steve sighed, looking at the scorched dirt beneath his feet: it was ruined. Nothing would grow there for years after the hit it took. “You don’t have to feel anything.” He looked at her, unsurprised to find tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. “I don’t.”

“I’ve thought so many times about…” The words caught in her throat, but she took a deep breath and continued, “About sneaking into Bruce’s lab and taking that stone. The time stone…”

Steve didn’t say anything, just waited for her to finish: he was afraid that his own selfish desires regarding that stone would just fuel her own.

“But going back wouldn’t fix it,” her words were as much for his benefit as her own. They both knew it was far, far too tempting.

“You don’t think so?” He played the devils advocate, and it felt good to let it out. “You don’t think that maybe you two could just avoid it all? Or even stop it all?”

“After this?” She looked over the dead land and shuddered. “The way I understand it, it would always happen, would always come. And I just…” Her voice broke, and there was a darkness in her eyes he was uncomfortable with when she turned to face him. “I just couldn’t live through that again.”

Wanda turned to walk away, but stopped, looking back at him. “We deserve more,” she whispered. “We’ve lost everything to make this happen. We deserve more.”

It wasn’t much of a conversation, but it was enough to remind him that those dark thoughts were just that- thoughts. And those thoughts would have consequences he wasn’t ready to pay the price for, or so he told himself.

Deep down, he felt like he deserved something, too.

~*~

The next time he discussed time travel was with Bruce and Hank. Pym was describing the use of his newly altered regulators while Bruce was constructing a smaller platform. This would be the last time, they both said over and over, that it would be used. Pym planned to destroy all references to the quantum realm in his work and Bruce had been working with Fury and Shield to carefully control the flow of information about what had happened.

“Son, please tell me you understand how dangerous this little trip of yours is going to be?” Pym asked him softly, laying both his hands on the table as he looked him right in the eyes. For a minute, Steve felt like he was back with Erskine- Pym had the ability to see straight into his soul the same way that man did.

“I understand, sir.” Steve nodded, trying to hide every morsel of dark thought, every late-night inkling and every dark moment. He was going to bring the stones back, return, and… and…  He doesn’t know where he fits in in this new world, doesn’t even know if he wants to, really, and that must be what Pym saw on his face.

Pym narrowed his eyes at him, but didn’t move. The silence stretched so long that even Bruce stopped what he was doing to look over and watch. “Ask your question.”

Steve could barely hold the façade of surprise for a breath before it fell. He let the pretense fall away: his shoulders hunched, his eyes dropped to the floor, and he felt like a different man. He felt like Steve, the broken veteran, and not Captain America, the superhero. “How much… how much damage can I really do?”

Before Pym could speak, Bruce put down his wrench and had his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I know that look, Steve. That’s the look I had about a million times before I left every place that ever meant anything to me.”

Pym slid a stool over and sat softly, his face grim. “There’s not much that you could say that would surprise either of us, so I suggest you come out with it.”

Steve looked at them, their faces as open and honest as his was at every grief management group he ran during the dusted years: they were waiting for him to say that he wasn’t coming back because he wanted to take his life.

But it was more like he wanted to take his life back.  It hadn’t been his since Erskine accepted him into Project Rebirth, he just didn’t know it then.

“Don’t I…” He stopped, staring at his shoes. It took a lot for him to look up, into their eyes. “I don’t feel like…” He stopped again and took another deep breath. He wasn’t sure if they’d ever understand. He wasn’t sure if they could.

He shoved his hand in his pocket and it bumped against him compass. His lifeline. His reminder.  

He knew their stories. If anyone could understand, they would.

He pulled the compass out and opened it gently, putting it on the table. “Her name was…”

“Peggy Carter,” Pym finished. “She busted my balls as the head of Shield, but she was on my side when it counted.” Pym turned the compass gently, noting the slow spin of the broken dial.

Bruce looked at Steve, sadness in his eyes. “Steve, I didn’t…”

“No, I didn’t want anyone to know.” He shrugged, taking the compass in his hands. “She died, right before the bombing and the signing of the Sakovia Accords.”

Pym stood, the scraping of his chair cutting off anything either man would have said. “You were… a lot skinnier when you met her, weren’t you?” He stepped next to Steve, hands shoved in his pockets. “Kinda sickly, too.”

Steve laughed, a slight smile on his face as the memory hit him. “I wasn’t exactly in the best shape of my life.”

“Director Carter kept this picture on her desk of a skinny, kinda confused looking GI.” He looked up at Bruce, “I asked her about it one day. I knew she had a husband that no one ever got to meet, and that he was at least 6 inches taller than her based on the glimpse I managed of him once when I showed up at her house unannounced.” Hank began to circle the room, hands coming out and fidgeting. “She said it was someone she knew during the war, and that it was a reminder to never take a single thing for granted. Now, most people assumed it was her brother who was KIA.” He turned and looked at both men, a smirk on his lips. “But the way she smiled when she looked at it: it wasn’t sad and it wasn’t sisterly, either.”

Pym picked up a vial of the serum, looking at it. “Bruce, correct me if I’m wrong, but to be as honest as I can be, we really don’t know what kind of damage you could do if you go back and…” he chose his words carefully, “don’t stick to the plan.”

“Uh, that’s true. We really don’t know how this works; I just know what Strange and The Ancient One told me. That if we put them back, it should kinda… fix itself.” Banner shrugged, unsure if he was as onboard with what Pym was implying as Pym seemed to be.

Pym almost looked happy as he continued to think out loud. “We don’t know the rules. For all we know, there are no rules to it. The Quantum Realm is… nearly unknowable. But the way she looked at that picture…” He sighed, placing the vial back in its rack. He looked Steve in the eyes, open, honest, and unjudging. “You’ll have enough to get back, if you want to.”

Pym went back to his computer, and Bruce went back to his tinkering, and Steve never heard another word on the subject from either of them.

~*~

His first stop in the past was the sanctum. He wanted to meet the Ancient One, to see her, to hear what Bruce had told them for himself directly from her.

She didn’t disappoint. She took the stone back, letting it float into the locket she wore with no more fanfare than if she were asking him about the weather. “So, I assume you prevailed?”

“We did,” he confirmed, sitting when she gestured for him to join her in the library. “There were still losses…” he sighed deeply, thinking of Tony, “but we won.”

She sat quietly, waiting expectantly as the tic of the clock was the only sound between them for long minutes. “In your time,” she whispered gently. “Your question is not something that can be rushed.”

“Do you know what I’m going to ask?” He leaned forward, letting Mjolnir rest on the floor, the case full of stones next to it.

“No,” she tried to smile but it fell flat. “I can feel the anger and frustration coming off you in waves, the defeat, the… fatigue. You did not come to me first out of convenience.”

He looked away, still unsure of where to start even though he had said it a million times over in his head. In the end, he blurted it out. “What if I stay?”

He’d caught her off guard, for it wasn’t remotely what she thought he’d ask. She sat straighter; eyes wide. “I’m sorry?”

“What…what if I stay?” He took a breath. “I don’t feel like there’s much for me there… in the future… anymore. I’m tired. I wanted… I wanted to hang up the shield when that war was over… I think I’ve given more than my fair share.” His words fell to nothing as he finished that sentence. “I only ever wanted to do my fair share…”

She looked at him, wonderment in her eyes, “You never planned on giving up your whole life.”

He tried to laugh it off. “The things you don’t understand when you’re barely more than a kid, right?”

“You had hopes and dreams, just like any other man out there.” The Ancient One stood, stepping toward him. “Why that surprises me, I’m not sure. Even Gods are men at their very core. Even I was once a woman with hopes and desires.”

“It feels wrong to say these things out loud...” he let his hands fall to Mjolnir, afraid to try to lift it. Every day since the battle he’d been surprised that it still comes so easily to his hand.

She came closer until she was kneeling before him. “And yet they must be said.” She waited until he met her gaze. “If you go back to your time, my future, what waits for you?”

He took a deep breath, leaning back, eyes far away. “Friends. Duty.” He sighed with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Putting the world back together and finding our place in the universe.”

Her expression didn’t change. “And what waits for you if you go back to the past?”

He couldn’t look at her. “I don’t… I don’t know if…”

The Ancient One put her hand on his. “What do you hope is there?”

Steve smiled briefly, the words out before he can stop them. “I had a date.”

“Love,” she whispers, almost disappointed.

“And understanding,” Steve pipes in quickly. His words grow passionate as he continues. “She knew me better than anyone ever has- she knew me before this,” he gestured to himself, not for the first time wishing his muscles were a suit he could shed to show people just what he was like, and why it’s so significant that Peggy understood him back then, “and she still stood by me. I got the feeling… I got the feeling that even if the serum never worked she still would have liked me. No, I’m sure of it. She was smart and beautiful and everything I ever dreamed my future might be.” He stopped short. “Don’t... don’t I deserve that, after all this?”  

“The universe doesn’t deal in ‘deserves’ Mr. Rogers.” She stood, her voice flat and perfunctory. “If it did children wouldn’t die of cancer and good men wouldn’t die in religious wars.” She kept her hand on his, pulling him to his feet. “The universe deals in balance, though, and I feel you are due for some rest.” She reached down, lifting the case of stones and handing it to him, but she did not even attempt to lift the hammer. “Go on,” she waited as he gingerly lifted the hammer, his breath coming easy after it was in his hand. “I cannot tell you anything for sure. But I can tell you the sanctums you know of are in existence back farther than you could imagine. Should you feel things have taken a turn for the worse, do not hesitate to find me.”

Her smile was gentle, and somewhat forced, but it made him feel just a little better.

~*~

The soul stone disappeared from his case as soon as he materialized, and he didn’t stay to find out why. He understood the toll that place could take, and he had so very little left to give.

He left so quickly he didn’t hear the Red Skull whisper his name on the wind.

~*~

Once on Asgard, he thought about just putting the hammer down and letting Thor find it, but he decided that wielding it might just get him out of trouble if he was caught trying to make his way into the palace through the underground tunnels Thor told him about.

The only person who saw him was the one he least expected.

“Why did he send you?” Loki asked from behind the forcefield. “Unless… he isn’t…”

“No, he’s not dead.” Steve supplied the information wearily.

The god paced his cell, “You’re from the future, as well, then?” He smiled at the soldier. “Thor was looking a bit… pudgy.” His voice and face showed his confusion and slight repulsion at the idea. “That’s not the Thor running around with his little girlfriend up there now. I know that much.”

“Things went…bad.” Steve didn’t know how much to tell the man. He believed Thor when he said Loki wasn’t the villain they pegged him to be, but he also was still very wary of the god. “We…did what we could.”

“Could you be any more cryptic?” Loki sat on his bed, leaning back, amusement in his voice. “Interesting development, though, there,” he pointed to Thor’s hammer, “You must truly be something to wield that.”

Something must have changed in Steve’s face, something barely perceptible, but Loki saw it. “You doubt yourself?”

Steve knew he shouldn’t talk to him, and yet, there was something alluring about the trickster. “I’m… concerned I won’t be… worthy.” It sounded lame even to him as it fell out of his lips.

Loki laughed. “Who is?” The trickster paced. He started to speak, then changed his mind with a dramatic shake of his head. He stopped, crouching behind the forcefield so he was eye to eye with Steve. “Whatever it is rattling around in your head… You’re leaving Mjolnir here, aren’t you?” Steve nodded. “Then does it really matter if you’re worthy?”

Steve looked at the god, his mind clicking slowly around the idea that perhaps his own morality didn’t matter. He tilted his head and regarded the hammer. “This is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted purely for myself, and somehow that seems wrong.”

Loki stood, smoothing out his coat with a huffed laugh. “You’re talking to a man who has been politely described as a narcissistic megalomaniac. The only things I’ve ever really wanted were for myself. I learned that lesson young.” He looked Steve right in the eyes. “If you don’t want it for yourself, whatever ‘it’ is, no one else will want it for you.” Something sad fell behind Loki’s eyes though his face didn’t change. “No one will just give you what your heart desires, not when you’re giving them what they need. They’re thinking about themselves, not you. Sometimes, you have to just take it.”

The revelation settled like a rock in the pit of Steve’s stomach. He didn’t want to believe it, but somehow it felt right. ‘Captain America’ served a purpose. He filled a hole that needed filling by someone and as long as he was there, they were going to take advantage of that.

He didn’t need to take over the world, as Loki had attempted, but he needed to take what he deserved before there was nothing left to have.

Before there was nothing left of him to enjoy it.

~*~

With each step through the Lehigh base he kept thinking one thought: this is too easy.

There were less guards, less people, than when he’d been here last, and theoretically, if he’d done things right, that should only have been less than a few minutes ago. He tried not to dwell on the knot settling in the base of his stomach as he swiftly moved to put back the tesseract.

He almost had it slid in nice and tight when the voice came over his shoulder. “Jarvis said he saw you. I thought the man was nuts, but he refused to leave.”

Steve let his head fall, his hands on the edge of the glowing box. “Howard…”

“I didn’t tell anyone, just cleared out the base.” Steve heard the soft footsteps as his former friend joined him. “Said I needed to run a dangerous experiment.”

Steve turned, taking in the tight and so much older face of his friend, unsure of what to say. Howard shoved his hands in his pockets but just continued. “I mean, I wasn’t exactly sure you’d come back, or if Jarvis had ever really seen you in the first place, but here you are, putting back something you stole from me. Without even a hello?” Howard laughed darkly, pointing at his suit. “You get tired of the red white and blue, or are you serving another nation now?”

Steve pressed his hands to his own chest, his head falling down and his eyes squeezing tight. “It’s a long, complicated story, Howard. And I don’t know how much I can really say.”

Howard shook his head, disappointed. “Can you tell me who that man was with you? The one who couldn’t even remember his own name?”

Steve couldn’t look at him, pain coursing through him at the loss of his friend. “No.”

Howard waited until Steve looked at him, cutting him close with the hurt in his voice, “Can you tell me why you never told me you were alive?”

Steve nodded. “That much I do owe you.”

Howard bobbed his head, really taking in the appearance of his friend for the first time. His eyes went wide as he looked at Steve and found the things he tried to not see before: the new lines along his eyes, the tightness of his jaw, the way the lines around his mouth had deepened that all signaled not only was this not a social call, but the man was not all that well. “Ok, well, I’ve got a bottle of scotch in my desk, that’ll have to suffice for me.” He tipped his head, “Let’s go.”

The hallways were deserted, and Steve lingered his eyes just a second too long on Peggy’s door, which had only blackness behind it.

Howard noticed. “I sent her home, too. She doesn’t know why and I’ll catch hell for it tomorrow.”

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing. A few more steps and they were settled in Howards office, Steve on the almost comfortable chair across from Howard as he sat behind his desk, pouring out two tumblers of scotch. “So, can you tell me how I managed to look for you for years and here you are, waltzing into my facility and stealing the tesseract?” He lifted the glass to his lips, taking a hearty gulp. “Though, since you were putting it back, I guess you were just borrowing.”

Steve took the other tumbler from the table, holding it in his hands but not drinking. “I’m honestly not sure what I can or can’t say that doesn’t risk changing things.” Steve stopped, took a deep breath, and leaned forward. “But what the hell, right? If anyone’s going to understand this… will understand how important it is, it’s you, right?”

Howard shrugged, leaning back in his chair, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “There’s a good chance I’m your guy.”

Steve took a second, eyes lost in the whiskey. It wouldn’t do anything, but the idea of it somehow gave him courage all the more. He drank it like a shot, swallowing and putting his glass on the desk. “I’m not even sure where to start.”

Howard set his elbows on the desk, leaning over it, intensely curious. “How about at the beginning… How did you walk away from that plane crash? We looked for you for-“

“I didn’t,” Steve interrupted, solemn. “I spent almost 70 years in the ice.”

Howard sat up straight. “But you’re…”

Steve couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh or cry. “I told you it was a long story.”

“That’s why you’re worried about changing things.” He leaned forward, hands in fists. “You managed to time travel?” Howard shook his head, his eyes glazing over as he thought. “Is that like a… normal thing in the future?”

“No,” Steve replied right away. “It was a last desperate attempt to…” he took a deep breath. “A lot of people had died, half of…” He took another breath, not really sure how to explain it all. “It was more than just our world at stake.”

Howard pushed back, eyes wide. “Other…planets?”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Yeah. The future was… interesting.”

Howard reached over and lifted the bottle of scotch, the liquid only half filling it. “We might need more than this…”

Steve laughed, really laughed, for the first time in months. “For this story? Yeah.”

~*~

An hour later Howard was pacing the length of his office, sleeves rolled up, hair tousled from running his hands through it, and half a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. “You weren’t kidding.”

“No. It’s complicated.”

“Complicated?” Howard laughed and leaned back against his desk. “It’s a fucking mess is what it is.” Howard turned and put both hands on his desk. “I can’t believe it actually fucking worked.”

Steve felt guilty. He hadn’t mentioned Pym, not knowing exactly how the two were relating at the moment. He hadn’t named Tony, either, just called him ‘an inventor’ and later Iron Man and gave no indication to his friend that his son would end up dying to save humanity. But there were some things he wasn’t ready to risk ruining, some things he couldn’t quite yet face. “That’s… not the worst part.”

Howard turned his head, his eyebrows at his hairline as he looked at his friend. “There’s more?”

Steve looked at his folded hands, feeling guilty. “I want to stay.”

“Is that inherently a problem?” Howard searched his face, hoping for some hint. “You are, technically, more from this time than you are that one.”

“I… don’t know.” He sighed. “I was hoping you would.”

Howard sank in his chair, kicking his feet up on the desk. “Like, if you stay, you become your own grandfather or something like that?”

“Well… not quite, but yeah.” Steve’s teeth were set on edge. Of all the people he knew, of all the people he’d asked about this, Howard would be the one to give it to him straight.

Howard tented his fingers, eyes un-focusing as he thought about the problem.

The phone rang and Howard ignored it, looking at his friend. After five shrill rings he lifted the receiver and slammed it back down, silencing it. “What did… what did the scientists who were helping you say about—” He was cut off again as the phone rang once more.  With a sigh Howard put it on speaker. “Hello?”

Jarvis’ anxious voice filled the room, startling Steve. “I’m sorry sir, but I couldn’t stop her without risking serious bodily harm.”

Howard’s face soured, “Stop who?”

The door behind Steve crashed open. “Howard you bloody wanker this is absolutely ridiculous. You ship me off for no reason when I have serious work to do. You’re not even doing an experiment are you? No, you’re drinking and—"

It was when she looked down that she got her first glimpse of him, and it ripped the words from her mouth.

He stood, slowly, and tried to smile, even though he could feel his heart beating hard in his chest. “Hi, Peg.”

Her breath caught and her mouth opened and closed for a moment before the only thing she could think to say fell from her lips. “You’re late.”

~*~

End Notes: To keep track, here are the five times: 1. Wanda 2. Pym/Bruce (Yes, they count as one, sue me) 3. The Ancient One 4. Loki 5. Howard. And the one time he didn’t was Red Skull. I don’t write this trope that often, so… yeah.

This was all written LONG before Loki came out. Just in light of all the silliness going around I felt like I needed to post, and hopefully some of you needed to read it.

Let’s keep fandom happy and enjoyable, friends.

[noladyme]

Chess. Chapter 14 (final chapter)

Y/N never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. She only took what she needed, or what she felt others needed. She’d stayed out of sight for a long time, avoiding anything that could get her in to too much trouble. But for some reason Rick Flag shows up in her life, and in an instant, everything changes.  

TW: Language, sexual themes, injuries. Rated M 

(This story is obviously non-canon, i.e. Diablo and GQ, but I hope you’ll enjoy it either way.)

----------------------------------

I ran to a wall, searching for an exit. Hearing gunshots from outside, I became confused. The Bat works alone, I thought. The lights turned back on.

In the middle of the room stood a tall, caped figure.

This is ridiculous!, I thought. “You picked a hell of a time to show up, guano jerk!”, I yelled at him; readying myself for a fight – one that I was sure to lose, but I wasn’t going out lying down.

The door we had entered through sprang open, and in ran my friends; Rick leading the charge.

My heart nearly jumped through my chest. “Rick!”, I screamed, all dignity gone.

When he saw me, his eyes instantly lit up. “Y/N”, he yelled. “Get into cover!”.

“Stupid bat! You’re ruining another date night!”, Harley yelled, and shot in the direction of the caped crusader, missing by several feet. I looked in her direction. She was standing in cover behind a pillar. Behind her laid the bag.

I sprang towards her, and threw myself at the floor, sliding across it on my stomach. Grabbing the strap of the bag; I made myself disappear. I ran towards Rick; but my ankle gave in to pain, and I fell, reappearing a couple of feet from another pillar, dragging myself to sit behind it.

The Bat ran towards me, but the Joker shot at him from the cover of the now turned over table, Harley and he had been sitting on earlier. Forcing the Bat to jump for cover; gave Joker the time to run towards my pillar, avoiding balls of fire and gunshots, coming from Rick and Diablo. Before he could reach me, Floyd shot at the ceiling above him; making it rain dust and debris around him. He went to join Harley at her hiding place.

The Bat once again ran towards me. He was hit in the back by a wooden crate, thrown by Croc; and fell to the floor; struggling to get back up. Katana came at him then, sword raised; but he tripped her with a shot from his rope-gun, making her fall over – legs bound.

Who the hell is fighting who?, I thought. I climbed to my feet, and began limping towards Rick again. He was covering behind the table the clown had occupied.

A bullet whistled past my head. I was suddenly covered by thick black fabric; and swung around to lay on my back – the bat over me; staring at me with angry eyes.

“I told you to keep your head down!”, he rumbled. “The hell I will!”, I hissed; and swung for him with my claws.

He rolled to the side, allowing me to get up on all fours.

“Y/N!”, Rick shouted again; running towards me while aiming at the masked asshole I’d just gotten out from under.

A gunshot landed at my feet, making me stumble and fall again; the bag being pulled out of my grasp as I did.

“Thank you, Chess!”, the Joker smiled down at me, and moved backwards towards the door, aiming at me.

“Hand over the bomb, Joker”, the Bat growled.

The clown held on to the bag firmly, aiming his gun at the caped man. “No. I’m sorry, but this is my new toy. And I don’t like sharing!”, he yelled, and pulled his trigger.

The Bat leapt out of the way; and the bullet hit the wall behind him.

Rick aimed his gun at the Joker. “Give us the bag, asshole!”, he shouted.

“Language!”, Joker roared, aiming his gun at him.

Harley kept her aim firmly on the Bat. “Let’s go, puddin’”, she said, and they both began to back towards the door.

“Quinn!”, Floyd called. “Come on, doll. We went into this together, let’s get out of this together!”.

“I’m sorry guys, but I can’t leave my J again”, she said sadly.

Joker pulled at her arm to come with him. “Come on, tootsie pop”, he beckoned, swinging the bag over his shoulder.

“Harley, the phone is in there”, I cried out desperately.

Harley froze. “Puddin’, they need that bag”, she said pleadingly. “Yeah, and I need my boom”, Joker answered. “Let’s go”.

“Harley!”, I tried again.

She looked from us to her lover. “I’m sorry, puddin’”, she said, moved her aim; and shot.

The Joker fell to the ground growling, holding on to his leg. She grabbed the bag, and slid it across the floor, in the direction of where the rest of us where standing.

The Bat dove for the bag, grabbing it, just as it landed in front of Digger; who’d spent the most of the fight in hiding – his loyalties in an uproar. He didn’t seem to know whether to fight him for the bag, or just step back, and let events unfold.

Frost reappeared through the door behind Joker and Harley; followed by a dozen masked minions, all aiming at us.

Harley went to her knees next to Joker. “I am so sorry, puddin’. But I had to do that”. He snarled and threw his head in frustration. “Fine!”, he yelled. “Babe, this is the lambo all over again!”, he said to Harley.

“I know”, she pouted. Frost dragged the clown to his feet, letting him lean against him for support. Harley fluttered her lashes. “See you in a couple of months?”, she asked.

The Joker smirked. “You know it, cupcake”, he said, and grabbed her face to kiss her.

“That’s all there is to that”, she smiled.

The group backed out of the door, aiming at us all the way. “Chess; you’re fired”, Joker called in my direction, as he disappeared.

Harley slowly walked towards us, sniffling. Diablo grabbed her in a warm embrace, and Croc patted her head.

Katana said something. “No thanks”, Harley answered. “He’s still my puddin’”.

Digger found a can of beer in one of his pockets, and offered it to her. She accepted it with a sad smile.

Rick took me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. “Let’s get out of here”, he said, and we moved for the door at the opposite end of the room.

“Chess!”. We stopped in our tracks. The Bat walked up to us.

“Careful”, I frowned. “You don’t want to damage government property”. Rick straightened his back, ready to act if needed.

The Bat chuckled hoarsely. “No”, he said. “I want to apologize”.

“For what?”, I asked. “For using my friend to get to me? For selling me out to Waller, and letting her torture me?”.

“I was going to say; for putting that GPS-tracker in your new leggings”, he smiled.

I shook my head. “Of course”, I said.

“Look”, he continued. “You seem like a righteous person. You don’t belong with these people”. He gestured at the squad, who were now flanked by the guards from our flight.

“I am gathering a group of friends, who all have special abilities”, he said. “We’ll be working towards a better future for not only America, but the world. I want you to join us”.

I looked at him, disbelieving. “Taking down criminals?”, I asked. “Yes”, he answered. “And who are those criminals? My friends here?”. “Well…”, he said; but didn’t continue.

I sighed. “You believe to be on the side of the good; but at the same time you’re breaking the law – deciding who gets punished, and who doesn’t. I’d say that’s pretty criminal in itself”, I said. “I don’t make it my business to decide who is bad and who is good. I just want to help people”.

“Look, man”, Rick said, grabbing my hand to hold. “Whatever you might think of these people, whatever they’ve done in the past… The work they’re doing now is important. And it’s work no one else will do”.

“You force them to do it”, the Bat answered.

“He’s got a point, mate”, Digger called at him.

“Yeah, he does”, Rick admitted. “But at least you can go back to your cell, knowing you made a difference, without being sanctimonious about it”.

I looked the Bat in his eyes.

“My side of the fence does seem a lot less self-righteous”, I said.

The Bat nodded. “We’ll probably meet again”, he said. “For your own sake, make sure it’s not as opponents”.

“Right back at ya’”, I said. “By the way; 1-2-3-4-5 is a shitty combination for a safe holding such important papers, Bruce”.

My fingers laced with Ricks, we followed our group out of the building. I could feel the Bats eyes on my back as we walked away. “Are you ok?”, Rick asked. “I am now”, I answered. “Shit, the bag!”, I remembered.

I spun around towards where the Bat had been standing. He was gone.

“Fuck!”, I screamed frustratedly; and limped back towards the middle of the room, desperately trying to see where he might have gone.

Rick grabbed me from behind, embracing me as tears began to stain my eyes. I wept into his shoulder, and he stroked my back; kissing my hair. “It was all for nothing”, I sobbed. “I didn’t make a difference at all”.

“Hey”, Rick said, looking down at me. “You made sure the Joker didn’t get to keep the bomb. You probably saved lives”.

I kept crying into his jacket, staining it with my tears. He picked me up, and carried me out of the room.

“Hey!”, Kelper called from behind us. “Can someone uncuff me from this chair? And maybe find me a new pair of pants?”.

---

We were back at Belle Reve in the conference room. Waller was debriefing.

“Well, that was a massive fail to what should have been a very simple mission”, she said.

“Waller; you sent us in blind!”, Rick growled. “You almost killed Chess!”.

“If you’d done your job like I told you to; your girlfriend here would have been in and out in no time”, she answered. “Allowing the Ph.D. sociopath to follow was not part of the plan!”.

“Psychopath!”, Harley sneered at her. She was sitting in her chair, dark shadows under her red eyes. She’d been crying the whole flight back, and the whole night through in her cell. “And I’m not. Not really. I can feel plenty”, she sniffled; and dug into a tub of ice cream someone had provided for her. I felt terrible for her.

“Shut up Quinn”, Waller growled. “You’re lucky your head is still attached to your neck”. She leveled her voice. “10 years off your sentences will still be granted to all of you – except miss Quinn”. Waller sat down in her chair at the head of the table; and looked at me coldly. “And you, Y/N”.

I gasped, and a murmur sounded among the squad. Croc was growling, and Diablo set fire to a pen.

“You absolute cunt!”, Digger said. “I second that”, said Floyd. Katana simply nodded from her corner.

“Y/N risked her life for your stupid ass plan with the bomb!”, Rick roared. “She gets her sentence reduced, just like everyone else”.

“No”, Waller said. She slid a file folder across the table at me. I opened it. “That”, she said, “is the official report – signed by commissioner Gordon – that you, Chess, stopped a terrorist attack on Gotham U; by sneaking in to the Jokers hideout, and stealing the bomb he had meant to use”.

I looked at the file in disbelief. Standing up, I limped towards Rick.

“You then gave the bomb to the vigilante known as the Batman, who turned it over to the authorities on your behalf”. She sighed. “You’re a free woman, Y/N”.

My arms fell, and I dropped the file on the floor; where Rick picked it up, and read it.

“But Kelper…”, I began. “The former judge Kelper has been taken into custody under the suspicion of corruption and the severe physical assault and rape of a young woman, 18 months ago”. She stood up, and began packing her briefcase. “Apparently Kelper admitted to the whole thing, while having one too many drinks at the country club with Bruce Wayne”.

I couldn’t move.

Waller looked at me pointedly. Pure hate flew between us. I got you, bitch, I thought. “Your nano-bomb will be removed once this meeting is over; and your gear and personal items have been packed up for you. They will be delivered to your place of choice”. She looked like she’d eaten something very bitter. “Unfortunately, I’ve been told that your apartment has been rented out to someone else; but I’m sure you’ll figure out some other living arrangements. You’re crafty like that”. She moved towards the door. “We’re done here”.

I looked at Rick. He seemed stunned – at once happy, but also heartbroken. I looked around at my friends. This is my family, I thought. This is home.

“Waller!”, I called. “I want to stay”. She stopped, and looked at me.

“Like I said, you’re free. The X Force consists of criminals; which you aren’t. Anymore…”, she added.

“I’m not a criminal”, Katana said, looking up at us. I smiled knowingly at her.

I found Ricks eyes. He looked at me meaningfully; and nodded. I turned to Waller again.

“You went through a hell of a lot to get to me. It seems a waste to deny my offer of staying on board”.

She seemed to consider my words carefully. “What do you want?”, she finally said.

I sat down in her chair at the head of the table. “I want the bomb out”. “That’s already a done deal”, she answered. “On all of us”, I added. The squads eyes all fell on me.

“That’s not happening”, she answered. “Your offer isn’t that good”. She went to leave again.

“Ok!”, I called. “I want the bomb out for myself. I’ll be a free woman, and I can decline any mission I want to”. She nodded. “I want a fair paycheck for each mission I join. They all get 10 years, I get 10 grand per day the mission takes; from briefing to completion”. Another nod. “Health care, dentist, retirement fund… all that shit”, I said. “And I get new equipment when needed; without GPS tracking!”. Batdick, I thought.

She sighed. “I have a feeling there’s more”, she said coldly.

I smirked. “Flag and Katana get the same pay and bonuses as me”, I said. “Floyd gets a weekend with his kid; along with a viewing of her upcoming dance recital”. Deadshot looked up at me, disbelieving. “Croc gets access to nicotine pads and gum. However much is needed for him to quit smoking. And a larger flat screen”. Croc grumbled, but smiled at me. “Chato has a nieces quinceañera coming up. She get’s tickets to Fall Out Boy; front row – center. With a card from her uncle stating that he loves her”. Diablo nodded at me in thanks; his eyes welling up. “My Little Pony – Twilight Sparkle merch for Digger”. His eyes lit up, and smiled – happy as a joey in its mothers pouch.

“And Harley gets a puppy – that Croc can’t eat”, I added, looking pointedly at the big guy, who smirked and nodded.

Harley burst into tears. “You’re a doll, Chessie”, she cried. I smiled.

“These are my demands”, I said, and looked back at Waller. “Take it or leave it”.

Wallers lips tightened. “You’ve got a deal, Chess”, she said, and reached out to shake my hand.

I took her hand, and squeezed it. She went to let go; but I held on to her. “Oh! And I want a vacation”.

She sighed. “Fine. Where? Hawaii? Dubai? I’m guessing you want first class, am I right?”.

“Nah”, I answered, and walked over to Rick. I put my arms around his waist, and looked into his smiling warm eyes.

“I have something better in mind”.

---

I woke up in a daze. The ceiling above me was wooden instead of concrete, and for a moment I couldn’t remember where I was. Smelling burning firewood and coffee, I turned my head, and saw a figure huddled under a blanket, crouching in in front of an old fire stove. Oh yeah, I remembered, and smiled to myself.

“Hi”, I said, and Rick turned to look at me. “Mornin’, kitten”, he smiled at me. “Coffee will be ready in a second”. I made to get out of bed. “Don’t…”, Rick managed to say, before I let my toes hit the floor, and stepped out of the bed; woolen blankets falling from my naked body.

“Oh my god!”, I gasped; my entire body tensing up from the cold of the room. I could see my breath in front of me. Rick ran to grab a blanket from the bed, and wrapped it around me; beginning to rub my shoulders.

“Told you”, he chuckled. “It’s colder than a penguins ballsack in here!”, I gasped. Rick wrapped me in his arms, his body rumbling from stifled laughter. “It’ll be warm soon enough”, he said. “Says the guy in long johns”, I scowled.

“Let’s get you back to bed”, Rick said, lifted me from the floor, and placed me back on the old pullout we’d spent the night on. He tucked me in under the blankets there, and kissed my forehead.

“I could get used to this”, I sighed contentedly. “Good”, he said, “because I’m not planning on letting you leave any time soon”.

He laid down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. “Are you sure no one knows where we are?”, I asked. “No one that matters”, he answered, and put his hand on my cheek, pulling me in for a kiss.

He placed a leg over mine, locking me down; and then moved to lay himself on top of me. Our kiss deepened, tongues intertwining; and his hands began to roam the blankets for an entrance to my naked skin. Finding it, he ran his fingers down my side, over my stomach; and up to my breasts – moaning in pleasure when he found my nipples erect in response to his touch.

I pulled my arms out from under the blankets, and began playing with the hair on the back of his head; continuously savoring the taste of his tongue; when I felt a different sort of rumbling in my stomach, mixing with the aroused feeling spreading from my core.

“Rick”, I breathed, as his lips moved to kiss the spot bellow my ear; avoiding the band aid covering the incision that had been made to remove the nano-bomb from my neck. “Mhmm”, he responded, not unlatching from his targeted spot. “I need…”, I gasped as he pulled at my left nipple. “Yeah, I know”, he breathed into my ear, continuing his relentless attack on my breasts; and moving his other hand down my stomach.

I grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “No”, I said, and pulled my head to the side, to look at him. “No?”, he asked, confused.

“I need food”, I giggled at him. “And coffee. And probably to brush my teeth, after that thing you called hunters casserole last night”. “That was a family recipe”, he feigned being hurt. “And it was… very special”, I smiled, and stroked his cheek.

He sat up. “Well”, he said, “coffee I can do. Breakfast will take a few”. I sat up, and kissed him gently.

“I love you”, I smiled. ”I love you too”, he beamed at me, and kissed my forehead again, before standing up, and moving towards the door.

“Oh”, he stopped, and glanced at me. “But after breakfast; sex. Right?”.

“Oh absolutely!”, I answered. He nodded, satisfied.

Opening the door, the room instantly went cold again; and Rick hurried to go grab the crate of perishables we’d left outside, in the tiny shed by the cabin. Entering the cabin again, he put down the crate on the table; and went to hand me a small envelope.

“This was on the door”, he said, brows furrowed. “I didn’t think anyone knew where we were”, I said, a little worried. “I didn’t tell anyone”, he assured me.

He went to pour me a mug of coffee, and I looked at the envelope in my hand. Chess, it said on the front of it.

“If this blows up when I open it, I’m gonna be super pissed”, I mumbled, and heard Rick chuckle as he offered me the mug. I gently opened the envelope, and sipped at the coffee; warmth spreading through my body.

Inside was a picece of bespoke stationary; and a polaroid picture of my cats; lounging on an expensive looking couch. The letterhead on the pice of paper read Wayne Ent. On the middle of it, one sentence was written in intricate letters.

No hard feelings, right? S.

I laughed out loud, catching Rick by surprise; and handed him the letter to read. He chuckled along with me, gave back the letter; and went to fry up some eggs for breakfast.

No, Selina, I thought. No hard feelings at all.

I stood up and walked naked through the now much warmer room. Sliding my arms around Ricks waist from behind; I kissed his shoulder.

“What’s up, kitten?”, he turned and smiled at me.

“You know”, I answered, “maybe breakfast can wait a bit”. I kissed him. “Let’s see if we can repeat that finger-trick you’re so curious about”.

THE END.

 Tag list:

@gloriousgam3r​

@hyp-oh-critical​

[bts-roses]

Spilling Coffee | 1

➼ summary: You’ve always prided yourself in being a naturally graceful and reliable person. So an internship at BigHit seemed like a walk in the park. That is, until a certain goof slide-kicks you off your feet and makes your life a whole lot harder.

/

Namjoon is a misunderstood klutz and y/n thinks too much.

➼ pairing: idol!namjoon x intern!reader

➼ genre: fluff, angst (if you squint), idolverse

➼ word count: 3,700

| next

‣

You have always been proud of your natural grace. Throughout your life, it’s granted you the title of being the responsible and reliable one. The one to do the important jobs. You were always the child the teacher would pick to fill a glass of water up for the paintbrushes during art class. You would do that with a smug grin on your face, holding a big ass jar of water with both of your tiny hands. You would hand it to the teacher, whip your pigtails as you turn around and walk back to your seat looking at your jealous classmates like hell yeah I just did that, you bitches could never.

So naturally, finding out you were about to intern in a big entertainment company, you just knew you were going to unquestionably nail it. Being responsible for mundane tasks like going on coffee runs or carrying boxes to different places? Uhh, you lived for that shit.

Obviously, these weren’t the only tasks and they were definitely not going to help you in the long run of your dream profession. But being able to put down that you received work experience from Big Hit Entertainment sure was. And there was an opportunity to get a job there after your internship! And the internship pays really well! And apparently the food in their canteen was pretty good! In conclusion, it was a win-win situation all around. And how hard could it be?

The answer to that was hard. Very fucking hard.

‣

Namjoon has always been in awe of how clumsy he actually was. Even his bandmates wonder how such an intelligent, grown man can be such a dumbass. Whenever he tried to fix something? Boom, it instantly got 10x worse. His fans even call him the God of Destruction. He would be offended by the nickname, but he can’t hate the truth. And the title is pretty badass if you think about it.

He was more of the kid in art class who was always given small jobs like making sure the aprons weren’t tangled up when it was time to put them away. Even though he wanted cooler jobs like holding those cool big ass glass jars, he understood that sometimes it’s just best to mind his own business and do his own designated jobs. You know, for world peace.

But today. Wow. It’s like the gods above are punishing him or something.

He actually woke up feeling pretty good. Today was going to be his day. Or so he thought. His clumsiness, once again, ruins it for him.

Long story short: he accidentally broke a bit of the toilet seat off. In his defence, he really needed a shit and someone left the toilet seat up again. He was definitely not going to fall into the toilet bowl this time. So Namjoon did the only thing a human could do in such a limited space of time: he slam-dunked that toilet seat down as hard as he could. Not his smartest idea. To his dismay, he spent his morning poo hovering over the toilet, with a piece of the seat held in his left hand. Let’s just say the other members were not thrilled when he walked out to the kitchen holding the piece of the smashed toilet seat from one of the most used bathrooms in the house.

After sitting through another one of Seokjin's speeches about the importance of handling things with a bit more caution, Namjoon decided it would be best to go to the company a bit earlier than the others today. Especially when the younger ones wouldn’t stop roasting the shit out of him. It was when he tripped over walking into the company building he thought to himself.

Maybe today wasn’t his day.

‣

This was the tenth day of your internship. And you don’t like to boast but you think you’re owning this shit. Sure, your boss is scary and likes giving you lots of monotonous tasks. But she’s not that bad. Besides, this is what you signed up for! And you’re having fun. Kinda.

“Intern.” You look up from your desk to see a smiling Joowon, one of your coworkers, “Lee is asking for you.”

Giving him a nod, you swiftly get up from your desk. You knock on your boss’ door and walk in when she acknowledges your presence.

“Yes, Mrs Lee?” you say, beaming brightly.

“I need you to go on a coffee run for the marketing team. We have an important meeting regarding TXT’s comeback and I do not want to see anyone slacking. If I do, I will kill someone,” she says looking up from the screen, giving you a small vacant smile. See? She’s warming up to you!

“Of course! Do you want me to buy you a knife while I’m out? Just in case?” You joke while giggling lightly.

“Was that supposed to be a joke?” She asks, with no amusement in her face.

You immediately stop laughing. Fuck. Maybe she’s just a tad bit scary. You stiffen a bit and nod ashamed.

“Yeah. I don’t need any of that here” she glances at you up and down and then looks back at her computer, “you should leave now.”

You bow and basically run out of her office. Okay. Fine. She’s fucking terrifying.

You knew working in a big establishment like BigHit was going to be intimidating but not this intimidating. It didn’t help that you had a subliminal fear of attractive people. Of course, you liked looking at them but talking to them made you so nervous. Maybe you should've taken that into account before working in a fucking entertainment company. They were everywhere. At least you were working in the marketing team, where your interactions with the idols were very limited. However, you still would have the odd occurrence with one. On your second day, TXT's Soobin asked you for Mrs Lee's whereabouts. You nearly cried... But let’s not think about that.

Thankfully, your department is quite small and you only had to go get nine iced americanos. The lady at the counter also gave you two paper bags that held eight of them which made your life easier. Since you were feeling fancy and had the room, you got yourself an iced latte. Realising you were a bit short on time, you quickly dashed back to the company.

Entering the building, you check the clock on the lobby wall: fifteen minutes until the meeting starts. Cool. That's fine. You can totally get there before it starts. Totally. Deep breath. You'll be fine. After violently stabbing the elevator button multiple times, you hastily enter and press the floor you needed. Seeing no one was going to get on with you, you push the button to close the doors. Just once. Maybe a few times for good measure. Before the doors shut, you catch a glimpse of the clock again. Thirteen minutes. More than enough time.

When you reach your floor, you check inside the bags to make sure nothing has spilt. You can't help but smile. Look at you. Two coffees in each hand? Not a spill. Holding two bags of coffee? Not a single drop. You really did that. You were that bitch. I am the elite intern. You think to yourself with a chuckle. Then you stop yourself and wince. Jesus Christ. You really needed to get a life.

Remembering your task, you carefully pull out your phone from your pocket to check the time; ten minutes. Just to be safe (and to beat your previous coffee run score of having eight minutes to spare), you speed down the hallway.

You can literally see the glass walls of the meeting room. Not even half of the team is there yet. You were that early. On the opposite side of the corridor, you see your boss, who is facing away from you, and Joowon talking to each other. He glances at you and smiles. You quicken your pace, about to return the smile.

Suddenly, you're seeing him horizontally.

What the fuck? Why the fuck? Oh my God. You're too busy soaking up the mess in front of you that you don’t feel the searing pain on your left ankle. You blink hard and freeze on the floor.

The coffee is spilt. Everywhere.

Shit. You’re gonna get killed. You're gonna get fired. Before you start crying on the ground, the floor starts moving... Wait. Floors don't move. Uuugh. And floors sure as hell don't groan.

You look sideways to realise you're on top of someone's chest. That said someone looks down at you.

Your heart drops.

You jump up to stand and you instantly feel the sting on your ankle. You look at the scene in front of you. You feel like sobbing again. You just spilt your drink all over RM. Fucking Kim Namjoon. You know, the leader of the biggest fucking boy group on the planet? That's the one. You aren’t just going to be fired. You're gonna be banished from Korea. Burned at the stake. Mauled to death.

"I'm so fucking sorry." You burst out, desperately getting back down on the floor to clean up the liquid with your clothes, "I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to."

You warily look at him. He's just lying there in this weird, starfish-like position. Not really moving. Oh my God, you think to yourself. You fucking broke him. Did you kill him?

You stop helplessly scrubbing the floor with your jumper sleeve and shakily ask him, "are you alive?"

Abruptly, pulls himself up in a seated position. You flinch. Fuck. He's gorgeous. Great, now you’re nervous. He stares at you blankly and you wince a bit. You mentally prepare yourself to get screamed at and you feel a sting in your eyes. God, you're about to cry. You’re gonna lose your internship. You’re gonna have no future. You're so fucking terri-

All you hear is a deep chuckle.

"Shit. You've done it again Namjoon" he mutters to himself in disbelief, "Did I hurt you?"

He looks at you in concern and shuffles closer. Carefully, he puts a hand on your shoulder. Well, he’s never seen you before. He glances down at the ID card hanging from your neck. There’s a picture of you grinning cheerfully and your name: Y/n L/n. An intern? He also notices that you don’t have the same red lanyard as the other staff here; you switched yours to an Animal Crossing themed ribbon. Cute. He looks back up and his brows furrow when he sees a tear run down your cheek.

“U-uh. I-I’m fine.” you stutter, not really paying attention and avoiding eye contact. You feel yourself shaking.

“Are you sure? I just completely wiped you out with a sliding kick.” He jokes to try to ease the situation, offering a kind smile. Fuck, he has dimples, you think to yourself. You feel him brush his thumb over your cheek to wipe the stray tear.

“Oh my God. Namjoon-ah are you okay?” your boss asks, pushing past you to check on the man, “What is with this mess? What on earth did you do, intern?”

You stumble upwards, preparing for your death. You close your eyes in anticipation. Here it is. Your life was fun while it laste-

“It wasn’t her fault. And I’m fine. Just a bit of liquid.” You hear him say.

You open your eyes and face them. The idol makes eye contact with you and you quickly divert your eyes down. You feel your face heat up from the sudden attention.

“Namjoon-ah, it’s okay. You don’t need to cover up for her. She’s just an intern.” your boss says, impressed with his supposed kindness.

Excuse me? You look up at her disbelief. He was the one who caused you to fall. Before you’re about to defend yourself, you glance at him again and stop yourself. Oh, what the hell? Fine.

“I’m so sorry! I’ll clean this up straight away!” You shout and bow deeply, accepting the fault. It was just going to be easier this way, you’re just a disposable intern anyways.

Namjoon watches you bow deeply towards them. What? This was his fault.

“Wait, no this was my doin-” He started.

“I really expected better than this, intern.” Mrs Lee sighs in disappointment, not wanting to waste time, “Clean this mess up.”

You bow at both of them again as she walks past you, heading for the meeting room. Well that went better than expected. At least you’re still alive. You sigh weakly and started your hunt for something to help clean the mess up.

Before he could intervene again to clear things up, his phone rings.

“Hyung! Where are you? We need you now, the business call is just about to start.” Jimin shouts down the phone.

Namjoon curses himself. He takes a quick look at your back before running to where he was needed. So much for first impressions. Throughout the call, all he could focus on was the cute intern he wiped out and his coffee-stained hoodie sticking to his chest.

Yup. Today was definitely not his day.

‣

After two weeks of whatever that was, you’ve been trying really hard to redeem yourself. Just a few examples: you started colour coding the meeting notes to make it easier to read; you call the coffee shop ahead of time so your coffee runs take no longer than seven minutes; you bring running shoes to work so for any errands you need to run, you literally run. Oh, and most importantly, you steer the fuck out of Kim Namjoon’s way. This step has been proven difficult because you now see him everywhere. (Apparently, their group is heading into more product deals with different companies so your department is becoming a regular for them).

You tell yourself you aren’t trying to avoid the man because that would be stupid. But you know deep inside you’re just really fucking scared of him. Here are some reasons for your new founded fear:

1. He drop-kicked you down to the floor and you would be lying if you said it didn’t hurt like a bitch. You walked with a limp for a whole week. You’re pretty sure you could’ve sued him.

2. He’s the reason Mrs Lee now hates you with a burning passion. (Bit of an overstatement but since when did your mind not blow things out of proportion?)

3. He’s too tall. His mere size towers over you. It’s petrifying.

4. He’s so fucking attractive? Like? Who allowed him to look that good daily? And when he smiles, his dimples show? The thought of them breaks you out in cold sweat.

5. He smells too nice.

6. And oh yeah. Whenever you see each other, he tries to walk up and talk to you.

It scares the living daylights out of you.

‣

Namjoon has never experienced this before.

It’s like he’s the bloody plague. The guilt was eating him alive. For two weeks now he’s been trying to come up and talk to you. And for two weeks you have been running away from him like your life depended on it. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Surely you knew it was an honest mistake and he did try to defend you against Mrs Lee. He even apologised, right? Did he apologise? Oh God, he didn’t apologise. He needs to apologise.

“Hyung!” Jungkook pushes him, “Were you even listening?”

Namjoon looks up at the youngest in confusion, “What?”

“He’s too busy thinking about his latest victim.” Jimin teases.

Jungkook laughs with him, “It’s not like she hates you or anything. If you feel so bad about it then just go talk to her and sort it out. You said she was on the marketing floor right? So just go find-”

His words get cut off by his hyung groaning and banging his head down to his table, watching the surrounding objects jump up from the force.

“You think I haven’t tried that?” He mumbles sadly into the wood, “She runs away from me.”

The two younger men look at each other.

“Hyung, you’re totally just overthinking this. She doesn’t run away from you.” Jungkook chuckles, offering a supporting hand on Namjoon’s back.

After a few hours of trying to work on some songs, Namjoon yawns loudly and stretches out his long limbs. From behind him, he hears the two yawn straight after and they all let out a small laugh.

“I think we should call it a day,” Jimin stands up, starting to pack his things, “Yoongi hyung said we were gonna have dinner tonight so we should get going.”

Moving towards the elevator, Namjoon sees you, holding a big stack of papers, from the corner. Shit. Instantly, he pulls the two members in front of him.

“Oh my God, it’s her.” He hides and whispers, even though you are out of ear reach.

Jungkook and Jimin look at the small moving figure, who is currently trying to move hair out of her face with her mouth. So that’s the girl who is clouding their leader’s mind. They watch you a few feet away from the elevator. As if they knew what the other was thinking, they exchange a mischievous look. Without warning, they forcefully drag their hyung forwards before he could process their actions.

Jesus. You whine to yourself. These papers are so fucking heavy. When you hear the ding of lift, you walk in and stretch your pinky to the ground floor button. You move to the back of the elevator, resting your back on the railing. You only have this job to do and you can finally go home. Smiling at the thought, you mindlessly look at your feet, oh and the large feet in front of you. Wait, what?

You look up in shock and meet eyes with your greatest fear. He gives you a nervous smile and you notice the two other attractive people on either side of him. Another fear of yours. (Not the biggest fear at hand but albeit still a fear). God. It’s like you were in a horror movie, where the ghosts were unfairly good looking. You feel your heart speeding. You scream inwardly when you see the idol opening his mouth.

Namjoon stutters and starts when he feels Jungkook hit his back, “Hello aga-”

He feels a gust of wind run past him.

You just sprinted out of the elevator.

As the doors close, the three turn around and watch you racing away. Gobsmacked. Before the doors fully shut, Namjoon is the only one that sees you trip, papers flying everywhere. He lets out a quiet gasp. The small room is silent.

“Well,” Jungkook quietly coughs out, “Maybe she does hate you...”

“You think she hates me?” The oldest pitifully questions and watches Jimin hit the youngest.

“No, don’t be stupid,” Jimin weakly persuades and gives an insincere smile, “She might just be nervous or something.”

Namjoon instantly frowns. She hates me.

‣

You lay face down on the floor, soaking up all the embarrassment of what just happened. Did you just fall? You? Over nothing? What in God’s name is happening to you? You look up and instantly wince. All the documents you organised, sorted and colour-coded are all messed up. There goes your early night.

Picking up the stray papers, you think to yourself: what the fuck is wrong with you? If you weren’t such a big pussy, your life would have been so much easier. You think about all of the time you would have saved if you just walked the quicker route, regardless of whether or not he was in the way. You think about all the plants you wouldn’t have hid behind to prevent his attention. You think about all the information you could’ve learned about your dream job if you didn’t reject the offers just because there was a slim chance of running into him.

At the end of the night, you have one question burning into your mind: why were you so scared of him?

‣

“You like him.” Daeun proclaims. You just told her about your most recent encounter with him.

You stare at the fellow intern in confusion, “What?”

“You have a big fat crush on him.” She repeats, taking a bite out of her lunch, “Just think about it, you said it yourself, your heart races when you see him... So you like him.”

“My heart races because I’m scared of him” You point out.

“No. You dumb bitch. Your heart races because you are nervous.”

Oh. Well, this was not what you were expecting when you asked your friend for advice. You have a crush on Namjoon?

“B-but I don’t know anything about him.” You argue, shaking your head.

“You don’t necessarily have to personally know him to crush on him,” she continues, “You find him attractive right?”

“W-well, yeah I guess so-”

“There you go. We’ve cracked it. You’re just horny for him.”

“The fuck? No, I’m not.” you push her and she laughs.

“I don’t blame you, he walks like he’s got a massive cock.”

You shriek and whack her in detest. She screams jokingly at the pain. When you two look around and notice people staring, you both can’t help but laugh hard.

At 9PM, you were laying in bed, thinking about your friend’s words and you couldn’t help but to be curious about him. Sure, you liked his music as much as the next person but you didn’t know much about Namjoon as a person. Since you just graduated from college, you didn’t have much time to spend on immersing yourself in the world of the BTS. Letting your curiosity get the better of you, you start doing research, telling yourself it’ll only take a few minutes.

After watching countless interviews and videos, you wonder how such a person could exist. He’s intelligent, loving, kind, gentle, passionate and- well you just go on for hours. You laugh a bit when you realise his only fault: he’s the biggest fucking klutz.

It hit you at 3AM when you finished watching his UNICEF speech with a big ass smile on your face.

Fuck, you totally have a crush on Namjoon.

a/n: hello! thank you for reading + i hope you’ve enjoyed. i’m also already in the process of writing the second part, if that is something you would like to see!

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Chapter 25 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Emily Fox is a talented 17-year-old with a passion for all things music. Her dream is to become a successful singer-songwriter one day. But to achieve that dream, she needs to get into one of the most prestigious music schools in her district – it’s all been part of her plan since she was six. Sadly enough, those schools cost a ton of money that her parents don’t want to invest. They don’t even want her to pursue her dream. So, now Emily’s hustling, working at the music store to save up to get into college. That’s until she meets Charlie, an annoying seventeen-year-old boy with the same dream as her. The only difference is, he’s just doing it. He doesn’t need a fancy college to pursue his dream to become famous with his band. He just writes his songs and books small gigs here, there and everywhere. Will meeting Charlie defer her from her dream college, or will he actually help her achieve the dream?

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)

Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault

Important note: the characters of Charlie, Owen, Jeremy and Madison are based on the characters they play on the show and i do not own their names, only OC are mine. The songs aren’t mine either, they’re all from the show except for one.

~|Emily Fox|~

The boys and I have spent every waking hour together, working on music, working on the band. The dark void in my heart having been filled up by these three wonderful dorks and our music. While I’m building up my idea of a new future again, the boys have been building me up; giving me more confidence in my singing and my being. They supported me with every thought or idea I had about what college to go to or what idea I had for the band. Anything I said, the boys were 100% behind. It’s rewarding and refreshing to find a group of people to vibe off of so easily, especially after being a time apart and realizing how big of an impact they make on your life. It’s brought life back into a world that has crumbled apart. “That sounded tight, you guys!” I say, high-fiving Jeremy when we call in a break on rehearsals. “I can’t wait to play these songs live!” The boys chuckle while putting away their instruments or, in Owen’s case come from behind their instrument. “If we ever book a gig again,” Owen says solemnly. “Don’t give up hope, you guys. I’m sure we’ll book something soon,” I reassure them, and myself. Besides the Open Mic Night, we haven’t had the opportunity to play anywhere. Mostly because I was coped up in my room, crying all the time, and didn’t see the band for a good week. But you know… Still sucks. “Yes. You. Will!” Mitch’s voice resounds in the store. I hadn’t even heard the bell over the door ring; we were too busy chatting about gigs and rehearsals. “I think I might have a gig for you, Muffin.” He holds up a piece of paper, smiling smugly. “At the Orpheum,” he replies. I glance over at my bandmates to check if they heard it too. Judging by their bulging eyes and surprised glances, I’m sure they did. “Albeit it’s a school event, but you know… Still the Orpheum!” “What’s the gig exactly?” I ask, urging him to elaborate. “Bobby’s old school is holding a benefit. At first, they wanted to just do it in the school, but they booked a lowkey famous band and sold so many tickets, they can’t pack them all in the gym. And they’re looking for a band to open for them. You want me to make a call? I think you being Bobby’s niece will help us out a little.” I look up at the boys to see what they’re thinking. They’re eyes are sparkling like never before. The Orpheum has been a dream since they were Sunset Curve. “Please, try!” I tell Uncle Mitch. He grabs his phone and dials a number. The boys come closer to me as we watch Mitch in anticipation. We just hear a lot of ‘yes’ and hums until Mitch hangs up. “What did they say?!” I ask impatiently when he’s not telling us anything for an agonizing minute. Mitch almost looks upset, like he doesn’t want to disappoint either of us. “EMILY AND THE FOXES IS PLAYING THE ORPHEUM, BABY!!” He shouts really, really loudly. The four of us burst out into cheers and happy jumps and high fives. Without thinking twice about it, I grab Charlie’s face in my hand, staring into his eyes, and yelling, “THE ORPHEUM, CHARLIE!” When I realize how close we are, I slowly let go. For a while, we just look at each other until Jeremy and Owen make us snap out of the trance. That night, we celebrate in Jeremy’s garage with pizza, a movie and just each other’s company. My heart is full.

“Your VIPs are here,” Amanda, the showrunner, tells us as she knocks on the door of our dressing room. Today is the day; we’re playing a gig at the Orpheum. The gig we’ve been practicing all day and night for. “Come in!” I shout and get ready to greet Mitch, Madi and Charlie’s and Jeremy’s parents. Instead, I find my parents head in first, followed by two people I don’t know. They’re around my parents’ age. Neither of them seems too happy to be here either. “Mom? Dad?” I hear Owen say as he joins me at the door. “Surprise!” Madi and Mitch say at the very same time, showing off jazz hands. “Y—You… What? Huh?” Owen stutters and stumbles over his words, not sure what to say. I know they don’t have the greatest relationship either. He must be as surprised, if not more, as me. “Your Uncle Mitch called us,” mom starts with a small, careful smile on her face. “He caught us up on everything and told us about your show tonight…” dad continues. “We didn’t believe our little girl was playing the Orpheum!” I glare at my mother. “I thought you didn’t want to support my music career?” I ask, gritting my teeth. “We didn’t at first… But you have to know, Princess, we’re very proud of how far you’ve come,” says dad, placing his hands on mother’s shoulders. “Yeah, I came this far without you. Instead of you supporting me and believing in me from the start, I had to turn to my uncles. They didn’t choose to take care of me, but they did anyway. They love me and support me with everything I do.” Mitch gives me an appreciative smile. “I came this far because of Madi being by my side every single moment of every day I was angry and sad about my own parents not even loving me enough to be behind me 100%.” She grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I came this far because of Charlie, Jeremy and Owen. They all became my family who supported me and cheered me up and comforted me because my own family couldn’t even do that for them.” I turn to Owen’s parents. “With all due respect, misses and mister Joyner, but your son is the most amazing and thoughtful person I have ever met. He’s been like a brother to me, and I can’t believe you as his family would ever do to him what you did to him. So, I’m sorry…” I turn back to my own parents. “But unless you’re all 100% behind us, I want you to leave.” “Emily…” Owen starts, but his father interrupts him. “No, she’s right, Owen. We should’ve been there for you and listened to you to learn about your world. We shouldn’t have reacted the way we did and we’re so sorry…” “We’re really proud of who you’ve become, Owen,” his mom chimes in, “Because you’re proud of who you are and everything you’ve achieved all by yourself. So, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive your old folks?” Owen glances at me, and after I’ve given him an encouraging smile, he launches forward and embraces his parents. My heart swells at the sight. “Emily…” my mother captures my attention. “Please, let us stay? We really are sorry for what we did to you. We should’ve never kicked you out. We should’ve never doubted you could make something of yourself. You’re part Mancini after all…” This is the first time she’s ever even slightly mentioned Uncle Robert. “I see so much of my brother in how you act and how ambitious you are… Please, let me just witness how you grow into a performer the way he did?” She sniffles, and that’s when I realize I’ve started crying too. I nod my head, granting them the permission back into my life, and the three of us hug. Mom holds me the way I wanted to be held so many times since the day she kicked me out. It’s nostalgic and rewarding. “What a sight this is,” Uncle Mitch says and when I look up, I find Charlie and Jeremy hugging their families too. For a while before the show starts, all of us hang out in the dressing room with our families. Luka, Owen’s sister has joined, as well as Jeremy’s two brothers. I’m glad I got to know all of them. Now, our Emily and The Foxes family has grown from the band-plus-Mitch-and-Madi to one big, happy family. Nothing can take this away from us now.

I take a deep breath, glancing over at our families in the front row, and after hearing Charlie’s “You got this”, I start playing the first notes on the piano to our new song. “Running from the past Tripping on the now What is lost can be found, it's obvious And like a rubber ball We come bouncing back We all got a second act, inside of us” The boys then chime in with their instruments as I grab the microphone, joining the boys to jam out with them. “I believe I believe that we're just one dream Away from who we're meant to be That we're standing on the edge of Something big, something crazy Our best days are yet unknown That this moment is ours to own” I turn from Jeremy to Owen and then to the crowd. I can’t look at Charlie yet. I know that if I do, I’ll want to kiss him, and we can’t have that. Got to stay professional. “'Cause we're standing on the edge of great” “On the edge of great” “Great” “On the edge of great” “Great” “On the edge of great” “'Cause we're standing on the edge of great” Charlie then takes the next verse whilst I walk out to the edge of the stage to interact with the crowd. “We all make mistakes But they're just steppingstones To take us where we wanna go It's never straight, no” I glance back at him as we sing together. He even gives me a little nod to beckon me to him. “Sometimes we gotta lean Lean on someone else To get a little help Until we find our way” Instead, I walk to Jeremy’s side of the stage, giving those people a bit of attention. “I believe I believe that we're just one dream Away from who we're meant to be That we're standing on the edge of Something big, something crazy Our best days are yet unknown That this moment is ours to own” I make my way back to Jeremy, dancing along to the rhythm he and Owen are giving me. “'Cause we're standing on the edge of great” “On the edge of great” “Great” “On the edge of great” “Great” “On the edge of great” “'Cause we're standing on the edge of...” I step onto the piano stool to give me a boost onto the grand piano itself. I crawl across, staying put on the edge as the boys and I go for the bridge together. “Shout, shout C'mon and let it out, out Don't gotta hide it Let your colors blind their eyes Be who you are no compromise Just shout, shout C'mon and let it out, out What doesn't kill you makes you feel alive Ooh-oh” Jeremy and Owen quit playing their instruments, and though we’d said this would be an a Capella moment for me, Charlie’s guitar riff surprises me instead. As I kneel in the middle of the piano, he makes his way over to me, giving me an encouraging smile. “I believe I believe that we're just one dream Away from who we're meant to be That we're standing on the edge of great” While I hit the high note, standing up onto the piano, the boys continue with the chorus. “Something big, something crazy Our best days are yet unknown That this moment is ours to own” We lapse into the chorus again, the crowd getting rowdier and cheerier with the second. This feeling right here is one I want to feel forever. With Charlie and Owen and Jeremy. And with Madi and Mitch next to me. The boys quit playing their instruments after the last chorus as I take my seat behind the piano again, securing the mic into the stand. To my complete surprise, I feel Charlie coming to sit next to me, and we sing the very last bit together in the same microphone. “Running from the past Tripping on the now What is lost can be found, it's obvious” As the crowd breaks out into a loud cheer, I can’t move anymore. All I can do is stay put and stare into Charlie’s beautiful hazel eyes that I’d missed so much. I inch closer. He inches closer. All the way until our lips touch in a soft, love-filled kiss. A kiss I’d missed for so long. “I love you, Emily Fox,” he whispers, his forehead pressed to mine. “I love you too, Charlie Gillespie,” I whisper back. Little do we notice my microphone is still on until the crowd bursts into even louder cheers. The both of us look up into the crowd first, then to Jeremy and Owen, who simply give us a proud smile, and then back at each other. He grabs my hand in his and leads me towards the middle of the stage where the boys join us too. Jeremy takes my hand, and Owen and Charlie hold hands too. The four of us take a bow, soaking in the feeling of the cheers at the Orpheum. We actually played the Orpheum. Emily and the Foxes. Me and my boys. Me, my two best friends and the love of my life. Forever. Together.

Taglist: @parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @gingerxarmy​ @lovesanimals​ @hannahhistorian92​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @ashleyleblancx​ @calamitykaty​ @lolychu​ @bookdealer5​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @hemmingsness​ @siennanoelle01​ @iainttakingshitfromnobody​ @ifilwtmfc​ @luckylouiebug​ @kiss-themoongoodbye​ @camiladelrio98​ @myfriendscallmebeans​  @caitsymichelle13​ @thedarkqueenofavalon​

[edenmemes]

peaky blinders sentence starters

❝ there’s no rest for me in this world. perhaps in the next. ❞  ❝ if i shall die, you shall die. ❞ ❝ did you know that madness sets you free? otherwise we’re all just peasants obeying the law. ❞ ❝ despite the bad blood, i’ll have none of it on my carpet. ❞ ❝ everyone fucking needs me. ❞  ❝ forbidding is forbidden to us. we can do anything. nothing can stop us. ❞ ❝ you know, it’s a pity. i was looking forward to killing you. you’re at the back of a long queue. ❞ ❝ the truth? you’re unlike any person i’ve ever met. ❞ ❝ i owe you a little something, don’t i? i do. ❞ ❝ the past is none of my concern. the future is none of my concern either. ❞ ❝ but there is a part of me that is unfamiliar to myself...and i keep finding myself there. ❞  ❝ i learnt long ago to hate my enemies, but i’ve never loved one before. ❞ ❝ who’s going to stop us, eh? nobody. ❞  ❝ don’t point the fucking weapon at me. ❞ ❝ why do you play games with people? ❞ ❝ i know your weaknesses. it’s freedom. madness. killing. ❞ ❝ i get really quiet when my mind is too loud. ❞ ❝ i’ve heard very bad, bad, bad things about you. ❞ ❝ am i laughing? ❞ ❝ you’re behaving like a fucking child. this is an adult’s world. ❞ ❝ i have found them. the person i can’t defeat. ❞ ❝ i’ll rekindle all the dreams you took a lifetime to destroy. ❞ ❝ it’s just myself talking to myself about myself.  ❞ ❝ those who fight by the sword, die by the sword. ❞ ❝ this is who i am! and this is all i can give you, for what you’ve given me. ❞  ❝ and i got close. i nearly got fucking everything. ❞  ❝ i’m not a fucking child. ❞ ❝ maybe it’s time you forgot about them. ❞ ❝ i’m glad i didn’t shoot you. it would’ve been a kindness. ❞ ❝ i will remember everything and forget nothing. ❞ ❝ but lately i’ve had a feeling. a feeling i can’t put into words. ❞ ❝ looking back, i have no regrets. ❞ ❝ you and i are opposites...but also just the same. like an image in the mirror. ❞ ❝ may you be in heaven a full half hour before the devil knows you’re dead. ❞ ❝ i warn you, i’ll break your heart. ❞  ❝ i’m guessing that all the bad ideas around here, they’re you. ❞ ❝ look at yourself. take a long, hard, fucking look at yourself. ❞ ❝ i try not to fight. i try not to react.  ❞ ❝ my god. some devil gets into you, doesn’t it? ❞ ❝ it’s in the past. the past doesn’t concern me. ❞ ❝ don’t sit there in my chair and tell me i’m losing my war. ❞ ❝ don’t let two people teach you the same lesson. ❞ ❝ it’d be hard for you to walk anywhere with a bullet in each knee. ❞ ❝ who broke the mirror? that’s seven years of bad luck. ❞ ❝ it’s not a good idea to look at me the wrong way. ❞ ❝ i know that you want me to say that i’ll change. ❞ ❝ those bastards. those bastards...are worse than us. ❞  ❝ you have to listen to the voices you hear. ❞  ❝ intelligence is a very valuable thing, isn’t it? and usually it comes far too fucking late. ❞ ❝ i don’t have a fucking side. ❞ ❝ truth is, you’re going to be fucking dead soon. and then your starlings - they'll peck out your ___ eyes. ❞ ❝ all this time, our love still remains. ❞ ❝ you’ve got nothing to prove. you have got nothing to prove, and you’ve got a precious young life. ❞ ❝ look down on earth and see the seeds you have sown. ❞ ❝ yeah, there are rules for a reason. quite simply they have to be obeyed. ❞ ❝ i have responsibilities here, people i need to protect, and people who i love. ❞  ❝ if i had an important decision to make, i used to flip a coin; perhaps i will do it again. ❞  ❝ i just put a bullet in his head. ❞ ❝ from now on, you must do everything you want to do. ❞ ❝ i need you to be alright. i need you. ❞ ❝ you’ve got five minutes. ❞  ❝ i don’t think they trust me. ❞ ❝ what do i have to do to make people fucking listen to me? ❞ ❝ i found you. and you’ve found me. we’ll help each other. ❞  ❝ if you’re not gone from this city by tomorrow...i’ll kill you myself. ❞  ❝ i will never forgive you or accept you. ❞ ❝ feel sorry for me. it’s fine. ❞  ❝ i hear you want to kill me. ❞ ❝ you’ve got smart eyes, but you’re young, so you think that what we do is all right. it’s not all right. ❞ ❝ when we succeed, even the king will not be above us. ❞ ❝ you betrayed me. don’t be here when i come back. ❞ ❝ kill and kill...the only way to make people listen. ❞ ❝ the only thing that interests me is the truth. ❞ ❝ i know who you are. you’re a bit of a failure, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ listen, sweetie. ❞ ❝ look, i just wanted to say that you’re welcome to come home. ❞ ❝ who were you talking to? ❞ ❝ there is not a single day i spent without thinking of you. ❞ ❝ the end of a rope has been your destiny since the day you were born. ❞ ❝ i am emotional, i just don’t know what fucking emotion it is. ❞ ❝ those i can’t charm i can kill with my own hands. ❞ ❝ how soon did you know that i was not dead? ❞ ❝ walk like a king. or like you don’t give a fuck who’s the king. ❞ ❝ my fury is a thing to behold. ❞ ❝ men are less good at keeping secrets out of their eyes. ❞ ❝ someone’s responsible for all this fucking mess. ❞  ❝ let it hurt then let it go. ❞  ❝ it’s war you want, it’s war you shall have. ❞ ❝ you can change what you do, but you can’t change what you want. ❞ ❝ some nights it was you who stopped my heart from breaking. no-one else. ❞  ❝ when you’re dead, you’re finally free. ❞ ❝ i’ve told you to keep the doors locked. i could’ve been anyone. ❞ ❝ violent men are the easiest to deal with. ❞ ❝ who the fuck are you? ❞  ❝ the war is done. shut the door on it. shut the door on it like i did. ❞ ❝ he’ll wake up. granted he won’t have any teeth left but he will be a wiser man for it. ❞ ❝ did you know that madness sets you free? ❞ ❝ lies travel faster than the truth. ❞  ❝ you mother said: ‘it’s their cleverness that will kill them’. ❞ ❝ and i don’t care because i’m already dead. ❞ ❝ who wants to be in heaven when you can be sending men to hell? ❞  ❝ nobody works with me. people work for me. ❞ ❝ i never got used to seeing horses die. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t seem to change you. nothing seems to change you. ❞ ❝ that’s funny, don’t you think? a war about peace. ❞  ❝ you have your mother’s common sense but your father’s devilment. i see them fighting. let your mother win. ❞ ❝ today i killed three men. ❞ ❝ brave is going where no man has gone before. ❞ ❝ today it will be me dead. or you. ❞  ❝ do you think your repentance will mean you are forgiven of your sins? ❞  ❝ i will pour you some gin...distilled for the eradication of seemingly incurable sadness. ❞ ❝ my biggest problem? i notice everything. ❞  ❝ how many sons have you cut, killed, murdered? ❞ ❝ you crossed the line. ❞ ❝ you won’t tell anyone my secret? ❞ ❝ i heard you dress well. but now i see, not as well as me. ❞  ❝ fuck it. i’m not in the mood today. ❞ ❝ how far can we go with this beautiful dream? ❞  ❝ i’m not much good. you’ll find that out soon yourself. ❞ ❝ no, i’m not god. not yet. ❞  ❝ i think so that you don’t have to. ❞ ❝ we’re close. always within punching distance. ❞ ❝ i need you to understand that your best is not good enough. ❞ ❝ sorry about all that mud. and all that fucking blood. ❞ ❝ i was just explaining to everyone that, well, we’re fucked. ❞ ❝ when i do sleep, i dream. and in my dream someone wants my crown. ❞ ❝ the man we’re about to meet is the devil. ❞ ❝ there’s god. and then there’s us. ❞ ❝ i want you to acknowledge that your anger is un-fucking-justified! ❞ ❝ i am the first one who understands you. ❞ ❝ i won’t be on my own. i’m never on my own. ❞ ❝ i’m no gentleman. ❞ ❝ for those who make the rules, there are no rules. ❞ ❝ they’re not going to hang you. you’re going to hang yourself. ❞ ❝ last thing i want is silence. ❞ ❝ it’s not pleasant to look at and be around. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ i am now able to just rise above those kinds of insults. ❞ ❝ today is for forgiveness. ❞ ❝ we don’t get to decide who lives and who dies. ❞ ❝ you don’t get what you deserve. you get what you take. ❞ ❝ i’ve dealt death. now death has dealt with me. ❞ ❝ so you shook hands with the devil? ❞ ❝ i am my own revolution. ❞ ❝ it’s in our blood. we live somewhere between life and death. ❞ ❝ i promised someone i would change the world. ❞ ❝ i will continue until i find a man i can’t defeat. ❞ ❝ sometimes death is a kindness. ❞  ❝ i may choose to stay here and just starve to death and choke on sapphires. ❞ ❝ i bet hundred to one...that you’re fucking lying. ❞ ❝ they are always hopeful, therefore they’re always wrong. ❞  ❝ oh, i do bad things. but you already know that. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it chose me. ❞ ❝ you fucking stand there...you. judging me?! ❞ ❝ these hands belong to the devil. ❞ ❝ people thinking i’m going to fall, they start behaving in a different way around you. they start to circle. ❞ ❝ i wanted you to stay. and normally i get my own way. ❞ ❝ i don’t see the same thing in your eyes. you should get out. ❞ ❝ i came here not to make enemies. ❞ ❝ i love you and i promise i will keep us safe. ❞  ❝ you stay away from me, i’ve had it. ❞ ❝ you don’t understand the wicked way of our world. ❞      ❝ they say life is too short to hold grudges. i think life is too short to be letting people get away with the same shit. ❞ ❝ if only i could what? ‘if only you could change’. go on, say it. ❞ ❝ the thing is...i love you, not them. ❞ ❝ will you help me? with everything. the whole fucking thing. fucking life. ❞ ❝ why? because we fucking can, and if we can, we do. ❞ ❝ you remember that god spared you. but what did you do with the extra time that he gave you? ❞ ❝ if you take the king’s money, the king expects you to kill. ❞ ❝ do i look like someone who wants an easy life? ❞ ❝ and you...you’ve captured my curiosity. ❞ ❝ in all the world, of all the people, you alone i know i can trust. ❞ ❝ i know you like to be asked properly. can i have this dance? ❞ ❝ i rarely answer questions, is what i do. ❞ ❝ shut your eyes. go on, shut your eyes. now, come with me. this way. ❞ ❝ you want everything to be different. the whole world. ❞ ❝ there’s only one thing that can blind someone as smart as you. love. ❞ ❝ can you let me in sometimes? into your head. ❞ ❝ i’m not accustomed to being spoken to like that. ❞ ❝ and what fucking line am i supposed to have crossed? ❞ ❝ i know what i know, you know. if you don't know, then you don't fucking know, do you? ❞ ❝ drink the fucking wine and smile. that’s what i’m doing. ❞  ❝ you once said to me that people like us can never be loved. ❞  ❝ before the day is over, your heart will be broken. ❞ ❝ what do you think i am, hm? you think i’m a fucking idiot. ❞ ❝ we can walk away from all this. it’s so easy. ❞ ❝ to apply pressure on a person for this line of work you have to know their weaknesses and i know your weaknesses intimately. ❞ ❝ rule one: don’t punch above your weight. ❞ ❝ if i come for you, i will wear high heels so you can hear my approach on the cobblestones, and have time to repent. ❞  ❝ my brother and i are the same person. ❞ 

[salenakingston]

Mystery March Day 20 - The Future

(Today’s prompt is very special. Today’s actually my wedding day! So how could I not do something wedding themed for today? I’ve done this one in a similar format I did for Dream. I hope you all have an amazing day, and I’ll see you tomorrow!)

It’s about time.

Whenever it came to Vivi and Lewis, those three words could be applied to a multitude of things. It was about time the two friends that spent months dancing around each other finally took the next step in their relationship. It was about time when they reconciled once the gang got back together. It was about time their flame was rekindled. And finally, it was about time they went through with making their union official.

Did it matter that Lewis was now a ghost and couldn’t really give Vivi as much as he would in life? Of course not. In fact, he would argue she had grown more starry eyed over having a supernatural partner. There would be complications, but nothing the pair weren’t willing to put all their love into making work.

And he couldn’t help but be happy for the two of them. It had been a long time coming.

I'm worried 'bout the future, future

Ain't fuckin' with that past shit baby

I'm worried 'bout the future, future, future, future

It did make him think about both the years to come, as well as looking back on the past.

Looking back was dismal. Sure, he could point back to all the good times the three of them shared, but it was marred by everything that once tore them apart. Arthur’s feelings he kept to himself, the leading cause that brought Lewis to his death. Those the others did everything to put the blame on anything but him, it was something he would never let go. He had a part to play, and to gloss over such a thing would be foolish. As Mystery had once put it, if they didn’t learn from what happened to them, something was going to happen again. Their past was a lesson, one all of them had grown from in a way. Granted, he probably took the longest, as he wasn’t always the best when it came to opening up to the two most important people in his life, but to his credit, he had gotten better.

No one could predict what would come of their future. There were many hypotheticals, so many possibilities. One thing was certain, nothing was going to break these two apart. Not anymore.

Ain't got no money for the nice things

I barely got enough for rent

Ain't got no clue 'bout where I'm going

Ain't making dollars

But at least I'm making sense

It had been a smart choice on both parties to ensure that not only was this ceremony small, but consisted only of family. Anyone outside that group would have made things… complicated. There was only so much Lewis was able to do in order to disguise himself in front of others, which usually came with a pair of sunglasses. To anyone else, it might seem a bit odd to have them be included in his outfit. The only person outside those that knew the man’s secret was the officiant.

And even that one person didn’t have to stay the entire time. Once the ceremony was over, they would be on their way. Then the groom could be free to be his true self. By now everyone else was in on the whole thing. It took longer than most, but the Peppers were overjoyed to have their son back, even if from beyond the grave.

Vivi’s family seemed suspicious, especially when Mystery’s true nature came to light. Oddly, the one least surprised was the bluenette’s grandmother. He wasn’t sure if there was a reason for that, and for someone as small as she was, she was certainly intimidating. Perhaps it was best he didn’t even try touching that subject.

And his uncle Lance, well, he seemed to be taking everything in stride. He imagined the older man would have been on the same level as Vivi’s family were it not for the fact he had been present the night all of them finally came together again. He never did understand their dynamic, but was just glad his nephew had those special in his life. So long he had spent alone, and neither Kingsmen could imagine being reverted back to a time before Tempo.

Neither bride or groom went for anything too flashy. That had never been the most important part. All that mattered was the two of them.

Don't need no cash, it ain't got no soul

Don't need the flesh, just want control

Never grown enough, you know it's just the way I do it

I want the gold

I ain't no sucker, baby

And when you least expect it

I'll be coming for ya

The ceremony was beautiful, but damn what higher being there might be if it didn’t turn out to be a little chaotic. Being that there was only family present, there weren’t as many bodies for the traditional sort of stand in. Of course Lewis wasn't hesitant to ask him to be the best man, but it was a lot more hectic on Vivi’s end. The only stand-ins for her would be Lewis’ sisters, and each one of them were, at least at first, trying to clamor for a chance to be the one standing up there with the three friends.

Eventually it was settled that all three of them could be on her side, which made for an interesting procession.

Everything from there seemed to follow a traditional format. When it came time for the vows, it was almost predictable the groom would say the sappiest things. He poured his heart out to her, and as a demonstration of his love, passed her the locket he wore. There wasn’t a day he didn’t have that showing, the excuse being it was a glowing locket given to him by someone special. Everyone bought it.

Her hands wrapped around the heart, and then it came her turn.

In typical Vivi fashion, there was no way to hide the enthusiasm she shared with everyone around her. He could see her struggling, if only not to bring up the fact that her soon to be husband wasn’t really alive. Then again, if there was anything that came from reading all the time, it was her clever use of word play. Arthur found himself chuckling mentally a couple times through the whole thing.

“Til death do us part.”

Quite, though he was sure if the bluenette died, she’d find a way to come back as a ghost too.

“Til acceptance do us part.”

I'm worried 'bout the future

Ain't fuckin' with the past

Everyone filed out, the ceremony coming to a close.

Vivi and Lewis walked arm in arm, the latter nearly taking off into the air with excitement, taking his new wife with him.

Arthur watched from the distance, a smile he held since the very beginning faltering.

Ain't got no time to waste on bullshit

You know I gotta keep my head on straight

'Cause at the rate the times keep changing

I don't really care about second place

Lance placed himself at his nephew’s side, now two sets of eyes falling on the newlyweds. Their focus rarely left one another, content to bask in the joy that was their union. He spotted the smile fall. It was hard not to look at your two best friends in the world, knowing they had so many years together in the comfort of one another. Where did that leave him? Well, he wouldn’t be a third wheel anymore, but there was that worry again.

He couldn’t possibly insert himself into their lives whenever he wanted. Would they seek to push him out now? They hadn’t before, why would they now?

He felt a hand along his shoulder, amber gaze bringing his uncle into focus. He didn’t turn his gaze to meet Arthur when he spoke, “What’s eatin’ at ya kid?”

“What? Nothing Uncle Lance.”

The gruff man only raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced by that answer. It seemed no one would believe it coming from Arthur. Not his friends, and now not even his own family. Something always seemed to bother him, and no one would settle for him bottling it up. Before he could come up with something to say, the older one spoke again, “Are you upset?”

“No, that’s not it Uncle Lance. I’m overjoyed for them. I just…” he sighed, looking back to the happy couple as they embraced, “I don’t want to be forgotten again.”

“Geez, fur bein’ best friends, ya can be so thick sometimes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Have a little more faith in ‘em.”

With that, his uncle left the blonde to himself, heading over to mingle with the other adults. Arthur’s gaze drifted to the side. A little more faith.

Don't need no cash, it ain't got no soul

Don't need the flesh, just want control

Never grown enough, you know it's just the way I do it

I want the gold

I ain't no sucker, baby

And when you least expect it

I'll be coming for ya

The night went on as normal, and soon enough, it was just the three of them, alone. All families had gone home for one reason or another. Really the only one that seemed to have a good excuse were the Peppers since Lewis’ sister were still young. They probably had a set bedtime, one that couldn’t be broken. They spent what remained of their time talking, just like they always did.

It was nice, but even they would have to get home soon enough.

Arthur pushed himself up to head to the van, offering the lovebirds a ride home. Vivi was quick to grab him by his right wrist, ensuring he felt it. His head spun around, looking at her. Confusion washed over his face as she pulled him back down to sitting with them. Lewis and Vivi exchanged glances before the ghost pulled a small box out.

When it popped open, there was a simple, golden ring resting inside. He looked between his friends and the ring, “I don’t understand.”

Their smiles softened, Lewis pulling his hand close and Vivi slipping the ring onto his finger. His face felt a little hotter, but his confusion just deepened. What was the point of all this? When the ghost released his hands, his eyes didn’t seem to focus on anything but that ring. The bluenette gave a small laugh at his reaction, but tried to clear it up, “It’s our gift to you.”

“To me?”

Lewis came next, “Our biggest mistake was making you feel unwanted, or that you had no business being with us so long as we were together.”

“So, this is our way of showing we don’t want you to leave. Anytime you start feeling like you’ve been left out, you look at that ring. We’re all stuck together until the end. Are you with us Artie?”

He didn’t say anything at first.

Lewis piped up when the silence continued to stretch on, “What do you say Artie?”

Finally his smile returned, “You two don’t even have to ask. I couldn’t imagine going on without you two.”

I'm worried 'bout the future

Ain't fuckin' with the past

Arthur sat in bed once he got home, holding his hand out in front of him to marvel at the gift his two friends gave him, on the most important day of their lives. Have a little more faith in them. He had far more than just a little.

He wasn’t sure what the future might hold for them, but it was far brighter now than it ever was before.

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Enough is Enough

Steve Rogers x Reader

Chapter Summary: Dating Steve Rogers isn’t as easy as it may seem.

Warning: Angst, Swear words.

A/N: I am on fire! Another late (I’m sorry) challenger, this time for the amazing @captain-kelli​ and her “Stories about strong women” challenge <3 My propmt was: I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me! Until then, we are done.

GIF not mine! <3

You weren’t the jealous, pissed at everything, type of person. You always tried to listen to two sides of the stories, always wanted to make sure, that if the time comes, you will get angry for a reason. And it didn’t happen that often. You were normally a calm person, trying to avoid the fight. Whether it was at work or your private life.

You always tried to make sure that people that were closest to you felt that. And all you ever asked for was for them to show that they cared. Some simple gestures, something that would make you realise that you were loved. 

When Steve Rogers asked you out one time, you weren’t sure if he was being serious. You were nothing but a humble coffee shop owner, who just enjoyed her job and her books. But when he asked, if he could make you coffee one day, you couldn't help but smile and agree. He was so shy and nervous, that you found it adorable. 

Your first date was perfect. Everything you would expect from a man from the 40s. He was a gentleman, listened to what you had to say, laughed at the right moments, and even brought you flowers. Of course, he seemed nervous, but he tried to hide it as well as he could. And when he nervously asked you if he will see you again, you didn't hesitate to agree for the second date. 

It was a year ago and for the first half a year it was amazing. You both worked great together, he was making you breakfast when you stayed the night, and you always invited him for dinner, when you were able to make one at home. Of course, you had fights, but you were both adult enough to be able to work things out and go on with your lives. After all, your first time together was after one of the biggest fights.

Yes, sex, especially the make-up, angry sex was something amazing. If someone thought that Steve Rogers was a boring vanilla guy, they were totally wrong. Steve knew how to pleasure a woman. He knew what to do and how to do it, for the girl to scream his name. And he was a little cheeky bastard about it. He enjoyed to play with you and hear you beg. 

Yes, Steven Grant Rogers was amazing. In every aspect of it. Well, until he wasn’t. 

Something shifted after the half-year you both been together. More precisely about a month after his birthday, where you made him his favourite apple pie and rented all of the movies he must have seen back at his days. The day was perfect, really, so was the end of that day. But the longer you two been together the longer it seemed forced. He would come back from the mission, write you a text that he was too tired to come, or would just come to get his frustration off. There was no more talking and getting to know one another, no more dreams about the future, and planning how would your little house in Brooklyn look like.

You wondered so long about what you may have done wrong. You replayed every day spent with him, trying to come up with a reason, why he was getting further away from you. It hurt you so deeply because you loved him and you needed him, Him and his love. 

“He got used to you.” Your coworker said once when you spent your entire lunch break in a long monologue about what was wrong with you and your relationship. “It doesn’t matter if he is Captain America or not. He is still a man. He got used to you. To you being there for him and in his life.”

“So what he got tired of me?” You could not believe that your Steve Rogers would be like that. 

“No sweety!” She laughed, giving you a warm smile. “He learned to have you around him. He got accustomed to having you, so he doesn't have to do anything for you to stay by his side. He got used to you. As simple as it is.” Your heart froze at that moment, and as much as you hated to admit it, there was a part of you that believed her. “Well, how about we go out tonight and celebrate your birthday?” You smiled and shook your head. 

“Sorry, Steve was supposed to get out from work earlier. I think he’s planning something.” She nodded and giving you a kiss on the cheek came back to work. 

You followed her some minutes later, trying to get rid of the awful words telling you that Steve really did get used to you. 

**

You were tired. The whole shop was busy almost the whole day, and all you wanted was to go have a long bath and relax. You took a cab home, unable to hide the excitement to see Steve. You weren’t looking for much, just some time alone with him. Something which was missing lately. 

You paid the driver and almost run to the doors, hoping to meet him there. But your big smile and cheerful beating of the heart stopped when you walked to the dark house. 

“Steve?” You shouted, hoping he would be in the other rooms. But no one answered. No one was there. Just you and your pitiful hope for your friend’s words not to be true. You felt tears in your eyes and a sob escaped your mouth. You took your phone, hoping he would at least call or text you, but nothing was waiting for you. Nothing from you. Texts from his friends. His friends, but not him. 

So you did what you were planning to do all day. You got your bath read, with some candles, a book and a glass of wine and relaxed. It was your birthday, no way you would cry on your birthday. Not because of a man. A man you gave your whole heart to. 

**

Steve was tired. Too tired for anything and anyone. He was supposed to get off earlier today and relax for the first time in months. It was Friday and he had to stay this late because some recruits messed up reports. He was pissed and tired. 

“Captain Rogers, have a good night.” AI saw him off and closed all the doors behind him. He looked at his phone and sighed seeing the time. No way he is coming to work tomorrow. Even he wanted some free time from time to time. 

“What the hell are you doing here, punk?” He turned to see Bucky coming out of a gym. It was his ritual. The gym was normally empty in the evenings so he made the best of it. 

“Just finished those stupid reports… Going to take a shower and off to bed.” He sighed and frowned seeing his best friend’s surprise face. “What?”

“Please tell me you remembered?” Steve was starting to get scared at Buck’s tone. “Y/N? It’s her birthday today? Well for the next 3 minutes, I mean.” Steve froze. He has completely forgotten. With all the work that he had in a couple of months, it was a nightmare to get any life outside of the office. He knew he was treating you badly, but he promised himself that when this all will be over he would take out somewhere and pay up for all that lost time. But now he completely fucked up. He looked at his phone once again to check the date and cursed under his nose. “Jesus, Steve!” Bucky hissed visibly pissed at his best friend. “She was already feeling left behind because of your strange behaviour”, Steve frowned, not knowing about that. And since when did you speak to Bucky about your private life. “You better think of something, pal, cause, you’re about to lose her.” Not waiting any longer, Steve went on his bike and drove as fast as he has never driven before. He can’t lose you. No matter what, he can’t. 

**

You jumped when the doors tried to open from the outside. You don’t even remember when you left keys in them, which enabled anyone from opening them from the outside. But yeah, you were really thankful for that now, as you knew very well who it was before his voice boomed. 

“Y/N baby please open up!” he sounded broken, scared and so tired. Your first instinct was to open the doors and console him, but you shook your head. No. You had enough. “Sweetheart it’s after midnight, you don’t want me to wake all your neighbours, right?”

“Go away, Steve!” You hated how hurt your voice sounded. You wanted to be strong and shop him how unaffected you were by his ignorance but you wouldn’t. Your own body betrayed you. 

“I know you’re angry… Baby I know.” This made you even angrier than you thought it was possible. You stood up and opened the doors with anger, meeting his soft, hurt features. 

“You have no fucking clue!” You shouted, not caring about the neighbours anymore. “So don’t give me that bullshit!” You stood there staring at him with so much hatred, so much pain, that the first time every you just didn’t care about his feelings. You turned around and went to your window, trying to relax, not wanting to see his handsome face right now. “You have no idea, so don’t act as you do!” You heard the doors closing and you felt him moving towards you. “Tell me what did I do for you to be so… Jesus Steve! Are you used to me, is that it?!” He frowned not understanding what you mean. “Was I becoming so boring, that you just got used to having me around? I understand Steve… Your job is important, but you promised me so many times that this would not affect us! You would always text me or call to ask how my day went. But it changed. For the past six months, I felt I was here just to feed you and get off your sexual frustration!” His eyes widened and he took a step closer, ignoring your protests.

“Y/N I am so sorry. I never thought this is what you think. I’m sorry for being so distant, for breaking my promise. This job… It’s killing me inside and by mistake, I put on that frustration on you. I’m sorry.”

“It was my birthday today, Steve”, he flinched seeing tears in your eyes. “Even your friends sent me wishes. I would have understood if you’d call me and said that you needed to stay at work. A one stupid phone call. We would do whatever you planned tomorrow. It wouldn't mat…” But you stopped noticing the look on his face. “Oh god, you forgot!” You whispered, your heart, breaking in million pieces. 

“Baby please…”

“No… Don’t call me that!” You turned around and looked him deep into those blue eyes. “I had enough Steve. I had enough of being whatever I am to you. We talked so many times about my insecurities with this relationship. We talked about your work and you always promised me to never make me feel like I feel right now. And here we are…”

“Sweetheart, please…”

“No!” You shouted making him stop in tracks. “I don’t know if you really got used to me and decided to not put any effort into that relationship or something else. But right here, right now I am ending it! I have had enough! Enough of loving you with no gestures back. Enough of sleepless nights wondering what I’ve done for you to get tired of me. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me! Until then, we are done.” You noticed how he stirred at your words. 

“No…” He started, tears appearing in his eyes. “No, we are not done. I am not letting you go!” 

“I said that Steve. I am tired of this all. If you decide to change and would want me back… Fight for me… Until then I want you to leave!” 

“I’m not leaving”, he took a step towards you, but you took one away. 

“Fine, then I leave. Just please close the doors behind you!” And with that you shut the doors in his face, ending something you hoped to be forever. 

[reidology]

He Was A Skater Boy… (Chapter 6) (Hotch/Reid)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner / Spencer Reid

Summary: "Spencer, everything I’ve done for you is not about emotion, it's about justice. I advise you to get over yourself, the BAU is bigger than you and your little friend. Once he stops wasting your time you can go back to thinking rationally.”

Word Count: 3.4k 

(I know it’s been a long wait, so I hope this longer chapter is worth it! <3)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Chapter 6: I don't wanna make it, I just wanna- (AO3)

It was dark and raining out, but inside the warm comfort of Gideon’s cabin the sound of the rain pittering against the windows was relaxing. Finally, this Wednesday Gideon wasn’t away on a case, so Spencer has made his way to his cabin for their weekly chess dinners. At the door he was greeted by his mentor with a question rather than, well, a greeting,  “How would you identify an injury as hesitant or otherwise?”

It’s not that Spencer didn’t appreciate everything Gideon was doing for him, he just sometimes wondered why they couldn’t ever have normal conversations. Talk about normal things, confide in each other. He already thought of the older man as a father figure, he wished Gideon would take in interest in his personal life. Granted, Spencer didn’t have a personal life until like last week. The lack of personal connection between them made him tick, why does it always have to be business? How about a ‘Hello Spencer, sorry about last week, let’s catch up!’, was that really so unthinkable?

Yes, Spencer was still pissed about Gideon leaving for a case with the BAU without even letting him know that he had rejoined the BAU . The place he’d been groomed to work for since he was thirteen by Gideon himself.

“A hesitation mark would be a shallow, perhaps uneven cut as opposed to a clean, deep wound that would reach past the epidermis of the victim’s skin.” Spencer answered dully. Too easy. The old man let him in and Spencer settled at his usual spot at the dinner table.

They ate in relative silence, meaning Gideon talked and Spencer listened, as per usual. The reason Gideon went on the case was to butter Spencer up to the team and introduce the idea of letting Spencer on. Spencer pointed out that he hasn’t even joined the academy yet and he’s already considering the BAU?

“Trust me, Reid, I know what’s good for you,” was the only response he got.

How come Gideon couldn’t tell him about this beforehand? After all, this is about him . This is his future! A simple head’s up is all Spencer wanted, a sign that he was in control of his own life. But of course, that would’ve gone right over Gideon’s head.

After Spencer helped clean up the dinner, they settled into a chess game. It was a welcomed distraction from the frustrations of the earlier conversation. But Spencer should’ve known his luck always runs out.

“I almost forgot,” Gideon began in his usual monotone, “Rossi has agreed to meet with you for a little chat over at the office.”

This had Spencer seething. He pretended not to hear him, focusing instead on his next move. If you have nothing nice to say , he thought, say nothing at all .

“It’s tomorrow evening, you should bring your resume. And your dissertation”

Spencer moved his knight to E5.

He didn’t look up, “I’m busy tomorrow evening.”

Aaron was taking him to the skatepark to teach him how to kick-flip and maybe do… other things. Gideon appeared to be surprised by this reaction, as if Spencer should be jumping with joy at the prospect of meeting with another old man to discuss how else he can be used.

“Spencer, this isn’t really something you can blow off. This is important.”

“So is this! I have plans with Aaron and I am going to see them through. Rossi can reschedule.”

“Who is Aaron? And how could he be more important than this?”

“You would know if you ever asked about how I’m doing.”

Gideon kept looking right through him, unimpressed. He set his Queen to E5, taking Spencer’s knight. Spencer tried not to choke up.  

He tells him about how Penelope urged him to socialize more, and get out of his comfort zone. About how he goes to study and read at the skatepark, how he met Aaron there, and offered to tutor him. His voice got small when he let slip that Aaron kissed him.

“A-and that’s why I need to tutor him tomorrow, his midterms are soon.”

It was a bit of a lie hidden in truth, but he couldn’t tell Gideon his plan was to suck face with the skater he met two weeks ago.

Gideon’s silence was deafening. Spencer shakily moved his pond to C4, after all it’s not every day you accidentally come out to your prehistoric mentor.

“This boy is a distraction. So is Penelope. She has been trying to control you for months, I knew it was a bad idea for you to see her. She’s feeding you lies, filling you with emotional dandruff, and putting you on the wrong path. Spencer, everything I’ve done for you is not about emotion, it is about justice. I advise you to get over yourself, the BAU is bigger than you and your little friend. Once he stops wasting your time you can go back to thinking rationally.”

Spencer has no means to hide the tears streaking his cheeks. Or the ones falling onto the board. He wants to tell Gideon that the BAU is his dream, not Spencer’s, that the only one controlling his life is him. Penelope has shown him that there’s more to life than just being a convenient supercomputer. He feels alive for the first time ever, he hopes Gideon will understand.

“I made a promise to a friend,” his lips trembled, “I can’t betray that.”

“No, you made a commitment to the FBI, to helping people, to catching monsters. Now you’re going to meet with David Rossi tomorrow or the past five years of your life will have been meaningless. It’s your choice, Spencer.”

He made a final move on the board. “Check mate.”

The message was clear. Gideon or Aaron.

Later that night, lying in bed, he texted Aaron:

Spencer: I can’t meet you tomorrow. It’s best if we don’t meet at all anymore.

The reply came in immediately,

Aaron: wdym? are you ok?

Spencer was too emotional to respond. He tried to go to sleep but his phone kept vibrating.

Aaron: is this a gay freak out?

or is it a me thing?

...

Spencer please just let me know you’re alright.

Spencer: I’ll be alright if you leave me alone.

Sending that to Aaron felt like a cut deep in his chest, he’d never been so cruel before. No reply came and he began to doze off into oblivion, he was about to drift when his phone vibrated again.

Aaron: fine, but I need my sweater back.

—————————————

Ever since Aaron had met this kid, he hasn’t been able to form a single coherent thought. The genius with hidden wit and geeky sarcasm already held so much power over him. Spencer had the compassion of a nurse, the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen, and eyes to draw him in and drown him in the deep end. Spencer could ask him to jump off the moon and he’d happily oblige. But this, this wasn’t like jumping off the moon. This was heartbreak.

I’ll be alright if you leave me alone.

The words flashed onto the screen and knocked the breath out of him. That message hurt worse than an ankle sprained a hundred times over. Nothing Spencer could say could make him believe that what they had, whatever they were building up to, didn’t mean anything. Something wasn’t right and Aaron was determined to find out exactly what. He couldn’t let this boy slip through the cracks, he couldn’t let him go before telling him exactly how he felt. But Spencer was stubborn, and he wouldn’t listen, he’ll shut himself out into isolation if Aaron doesn’t do something.

So he staged a coup. A devious plan to get Spencer running back into his arms. Ignoring the last text from Spencer, he replied ‘fine, but I need my sweater back.’

—————————————

Spencer has a plan. A plan to return Aaron’s sweater without actually seeing him. He plans to leave the clothing on the halfpipe and be gone before the man in question even gets there. He gets to the skatepark early and sets the sweater down at his usual spot, but when he turns around he comes face-to-face with his kryptonite. Aaron knows him too well.

Shoes dangling around his neck, baggy band T-shirt, oversized corduroy pants, striped green socks, messy hair, and the ever-present skateboard tucked under his arm.. How can this man have such an effect on him?  

“Spencer,” he flashed a crooked smile. Spencer didn’t smile back. This will be easier if he doesn’t show his true emotions.

The smile faded quickly when Spencer wordlessly handed him the folded sweater. He’d spent a few minutes smelling it before he left, just to commit the scent to memory.

Aaron swallowed nervously, “Just talk to me, please. I just want to know what I did.”

He reached for Spencer’s cheek but Spencer ducked away before he could. Why is he making this harder than it has to be.

“You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I can’t do this, I have to go. I have a meeting.”

Spencer stepped around the taller man, but Aaron grabbed his arm, “No, stay, please let’s talk about this.”

“I can’t.” He shrugged him off and walked away. Leaving Aaron even more confused and heartbroken than before. Little did he know Spencer’s heart was broken too.

———————————————-

David Rossi is an old Italian man with an affinity for classic cars and Cuban cigars. Spencer knows this because within ten minutes of meeting the man, the words ‘carbonara’ and ‘vintage’ had been uttered at least seven times. He seemed all right, Spencer liked that he hadn’t mentioned his age or his intelligence yet. Rossi introduced him to another younger agent before disappearing to his office with Gideon.

Elle Greenaway is… as intimidating as she looks. She may be shorter than Spencer but her height does not deter her from being absolutely vicious. The words ‘scrawny’ and ‘privilege’ may have been thrown around (to his face) many, many times. Nevertheless, she seemed genuinely interested in Spencer.

You see, he’d been dragged to the BAU by Gideon, to have this meeting with THE David Rossi, and he’d been sulking the whole way there. He remained polite and tried, really he tried, to act like he wanted to be there. But his mind was stuck on the day’s previous events. How could Aaron have changed his life so quickly? His universal perspective was completely skewed. He imagined the look on Aaron’s face when he finds out that David Rossi offered to cook him dinner at his mansion. The way his lip would quirk up as if to say ‘you’re joking, right?’ and the bright smile and wide eyes of excitement when he realizes that it’s the truth and the way his big hands would pull him in for a slow passionate kiss…

“Hey! Kid!”

Spencer broke out of his daydream at Agent Greenaway’s shrill voice and the snap of her fingers in front of his face. She looked amused, if not a little pissed-off at being ignored. “I asked you a question, what’s got you looking so miserable?”

By now he should know that this woman is direct and abrasive but unapologetic, he could respect that, but he was still caught off guard by the bluntness of the question. A panicked little squeak left his throat which totally betrayed the cool exterior he’d been faking this whole time. “Don’t even try to lie to me either, I’ll know.” Was that a threat?

“I- I’m not miserable.” He replied, miserably.

She did not believe that for a second. Greenaway took a glance around her bullpen then gestured to an empty office with a round table, “Sit down, Einstein. I’ll be right back.”

Spencer sat on one of the chairs, looking around he noticed a case board full of newspaper clippings, crime scene photos, maps, and more. Could he see himself sitting here, day after day, chasing monsters? He didn’t have time to entertain that thought before Elle came back and closed the door behind her. She placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “ Oh thank god, ” He let out without thinking, she just chuckled at his embarrassment and took a seat across from him.

“I know a caffeine deficiency when I see one. But that’s not all it is, is it? Spill, Pretty Boy or I’ll make sure Rossi never lets you step foot in this building again.”

They both knew she wasn’t serious, no matter how convincing she sounded, but Spencer let up anyway. After taking a long sip of the scorching coffee, he shrugged, “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad,” his gaze remained trained on the coffee sloshing around his cup, “Maybe that’s what I want.”

“You don’t want to be here?” Elle asked quizzically. “I thought you were ‘the genius to put us all to shame!’ ‘the BAU’s missing link!’ ‘the kid who’s gonna change the game !’ That’s all Gideon’s been talking about for years.”

Spencer shook his head and reddened at the way Gideon’s been talking about him to these special agents, “Gideon he… he doesn’t know what I want. He doesn’t understand.” He wants Aaron. He wants to feel wanted, not just… useful .

“And what is it you want?”

At that he took another sip of coffee, it really could use some sugar, how long of a sip does he need to take before Greenaway changes the subject? He couldn’t answer that.

A knowing smirk grew on the older agent’s face, “Ahh… or should I ask, who is it you want?”

Spencer only choked a little bit.

“Wh-what? No, no i-it’s not a- who it’s uh-”

“What’s her name?” Her head was propped up on her hand, leaning over as if that would get him to spill all his secrets.

After some hesitation, he relented, deep breath in, “His name.”

Elle didn’t look surprised, just corrected herself, “What’s his name, then?” Deep breath out. It’s safe.

He tried to suppress a grin when he answered, but it was nearly impossible not to smile when thinking of Aaron Hotchner.

“His name is Aaron. He’s a law student, I met him at the skatepark. But I... I can’t see him anymore. He’s a distraction.”

Elle’s eyebrows shot up at that, “Is that what Gideon told you?”

He nodded. She made her disapproval clear with a roll of her eyes and a tsk .

“Listen, kid. Gideon’s an old man stuck in his glory days. You’ve got the rest of your life to work for the FBI. You’re only nineteen for Christ’s sake! Do you even know how many wives Rossi’s had? Too many. But he’s one of the best profilers I’ve ever met. Love isn’t a distraction, Spencer, it’s an asset. Go chase your dream guy, the BAU isn’t going anywhere.”

At that, she got up and went to leave, not before saying, “I better not see you for at least another decade, kid.”

She was right, and Spencer had a sweater to reclaim.

———————————————-

By the time Gideon drove him home, it was nearly 11pm, Spencer was exhausted from socializing with the team and talking about his genius intellect for hours. But he was determined to fix the rupture he’s created.

He’s been an avoidant ass to Aaron. He knows he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try. He dug around the garage, making sure not to wake his mother, and found his old bike. And helmet, of course. He grabbed his satchel and made his way to Aaron’s dorm building in the dark. He wouldn’t risk texting Aaron in advance and being turned down or ignored. He left the bike in the grass and made his way up to Aaron’s door, attempting to catch his breath.

Before knocking he made sure he still had the gift in his bag. After his talk with Agent Greenaway earlier, he thought about how he could apologize. He wanted it to be meaningful, so he brought a gift. Spencer held his breath and knocked three times. He practiced his speech in his head, Aaron, I am so sorry I treated you like you were disposable. My mind was clouded with doubt about my future, but I never should have let that get in the way of you. You mean so much to me, Aaron, would you let me-

The door opened and it revealed a disheveled, bloodshot, miserable figure. Aaron had clearly been crying. It was almost midnight and Aaron had been up crying because of him. Spencer was such an asshole, how could he have done this to the only person to ever treat him like a normal guy? The guilt swallowed him whole and the practiced words left his mind. How could he fix this?

“Spence?” Aaron has never sounded so small .  

Spencer blubbered, feet stuck to the ground. His mouth opened but no words came out. Aaron shifted his feet and looked down at the ground.

“What are you doing here?”

Spencer swallowed his pride.

“I came to apologize. I know I really fucked up. You don’t have to forgive me but I- I hope you’ll give me another chance.”

Aaron looked up at him, analyzing his face, surprised at Spencer’s words. After today he thought Spencer was completely done with him. He sniffed and saw Spencer’s guilt build-up in his shoulders.

“Here… I got you this. I know it isn’t much but…”

Spencer opened his satchel and fussed around for the gift, he handed it to Aaron who took his hands out of his pockets with shaking arms. His eyes widened.

“David Rossi’s new book? It doesn’t get released for another month.”

“Open it.”

Aaron opens the cover and falls silent.

“Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.”

“How did you get an autographed copy of my favorite author’s unreleased novel?”

“It’s a long story, but essentially there was a lot of begging.”

Aaron stood a while in uffish thought, staring down at the book, stroking the spine of it. Then he gave a little smirk at, “Begging, huh?” There was a glint in his eyes. The mischievous glint Spencer thought he had put out forever.

“Yeah, you should’ve seen it. I was on my knees and everything.”

Aaron smiled. “I want a real explanation, but right now I just want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?”

Spencer was in his arms before Aaron could finish the question. “You never have to ask.”

Aaron wasted no time grabbing Spencer’s face and crashing their lips together. Spencer immediately melted into it, clutching at the other’s hoodie, trying to get closer to that heavenly heat. Aaron broke away caressing the younger man’s face and pressed his forehead to his temple, “Stay,” he whispered.

Spencer nodded vigorously and was pulled across the threshold into the room. The door was kicked closed with Spencer pressed up against it. Aaron slotted their lips back together and draped an arm around Spencer’s small frame, the other landing in his hair. Spencer’s lips parted to let the taller man in, the sensation washed over him and made his toes curl. Using his hold on Spencer’s hair, Aaron directed his head up, exposing the pale expanse of his neck. He peppered kisses and nipped and sucked until Spencer made those irresistible sounds Aaron had been dreaming about. He licked behind his ear and Spencer let out a whine, God, Aaron could watch him come undone all day.

“A-Aaron.”

Aaron hummed as he slipped a hand under Spencer’s button-up shirt.

“Aaron, wait.”

Spencer tapped lightly at his arm and Aaron stopped what he was doing.

“What’s wrong?” Wow, he sounded wrecked.

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise. I just don’t want to do this like… this. Our first time shouldn’t be rushed,”

Aaron nods and hums his approval in Spencer’s neck.

“Let’s go to bed?” Spencer cards his fingers through Aaron’s thick hair. The man pulls him in for a sweet kiss, then pulls him toward the bed.

“Anything you want, sweetheart.”

[thejustmaiden]

The Sesshomaru F*cks Debacle

Hey, fellow Inuyasha fans! How we feeling?? I imagine a lot of us are doing quite fabulously after the recent news we got about the sequel coming out this Fall, "Hanyou No Yashahime." So if it wasn't obvious already, I want to take the time to discuss the topic of- you guessed it- Sesshomaru. Go figure! 

***THIS IS A REPOST OF MY ORIGINAL BLOG THAT DISAPPEARED FROM THE TAGS. PICS/GIFS HAVE BEEN REMOVED TO HOPEFULLY REPAIR THAT.***

Let's be real, as much as probably (and literally lol) all of us have viewed him as "daddy material" at some point or another during our teens, Sesshomaru being physically intimate with another being, much less a human, is difficult to conjure up in our minds. And there's nothing wrong with that, per se, as sex and romance doesn't come so easily to some as it does to others. Then again, that's not to say a romantic relationship is completely impossible or unattainable for him either. 

I, for one, am not a huge fan of the idea of Sesshomaru siring children of his own. Granted, adopting/protecting children and other small companions is kinda his thing (I saw one user even describe him as a 'walking daycare' 🤣), and maybe it'll just take some getting used to, but all in all it's not entirely unfathomable to picture him having biological children. Though I'd be lying if I said I still didn't prefer he just took these two twin half-demon girls in and under his wing instead, like he did Rin. However, seeing as that's unlikely the case since the two girls resemble him in some fashion, the chances of that coming true are slim, which must mean that Sesshomaru did in fact bone some lucky lady. That's not to say I don't acknowledge that there's still a chance these kids aren't truly his but we'll see! 

Which leads me to the real reason behind this blog! I'd like to address in-depth why I and so many other Inuyasha fans consider shipping S*ssrin as wrong and why it makes a lot of us extremely uncomfortable. 

BUT FIRST BEFORE I FORGET, I want to give a little unofficial disclaimer by stating that this blog isn't intended to upset certain fans regarding my stance on the controversial ship. Thus I will not tag it under that ship name, and I suggest others who agree with me to do the same in any of their future posts. 

Because let's not forget that the most important thing is that we're all fans here. We fell in love with this story and hold its beloved characters close to our hearts for a reason. And that still counts even if you're returning to this fandom a decade later. So please, let's try and remember that and be civil towards one another. Putting people down by attacking and insulting others in real life really doesn't make us any better than them. I REPEAT, please do not engage in this post unless you plan to be kind and respectful of others who may have a differing opinion than you. There's never a need to be ugly towards another human being. That goes for all shippers and fans of Sesshomaru in general. Thank you in advance for your understanding and compliance. 😊

Again, none of these comments are aimed at being inflammatory towards those fans who have a different approach to this pairing. If any of you are reading this now, please keep that in mind before deciding to participate in any discourse with me and other antis. 

Okay, let me go ahead and list a few of the main arguments fans of this particular ship use to support them together. Then I'll give my reasons why those aren't enough to justify their relationship turning romantic:

1. Rin will be an adult before they get romantically involved

2. Sesshomaru didn't raise her and therefore isn't her father; he was never like a father to her in the first place

3. Sesshomaru hasn't been grooming her, not then and not now. Besides, it was Rin's choice first.

4. Age difference shouldn't matter when you look at other relationships in the series (InuKag, Koga x Ayame, etc.)

5. It was always going to be canon because the drama CDs exist

 These are the main points I'm seeing around. Now let's dissect them, shall we? These are my direct responses- I'll try to keep them short and concise. Fyi: Jk! I'm lying, that never happens. 😆

1. Rin may be an adult, but from our standpoint that doesn't make much of a difference. It doesn't matter because it's all about how her relationship with Sesshomaru started off and how it continued onwards. From that moment, it was basically established from the get-go that their relationship resembles that of one a young girl shares with an older man who winds up becoming her guardian. She initiated it by trying to bring him food while he was injured, and he reciprocated by deciding to bring her back to life that fateful day. 

Of course we're all happy that he did, because he's a better demon for it and a similar thing could be said about her! Therefore you must understand that fans against this pairing find it very hard to grasp the notion of a budding romance here when we look at their history. For us, it's synonymous to imagining a father eventually falling in love with his daughter or someone else who reminds him of a daughter, and vice versa. But let's just say he's not a father to her like many of you claim and more like, say a modern-day babysitter. Isn't it still bizarre to you that a young girl could fall in love with the man who looked after her and cared for her at that age, maybe even played games with? One day or on multiple occasions he even sees her naked because she had an accident and got hurt so she needed help changing or something. I admit it's more realistic that it was Jaken if anyone who'd be in charge of this, but why does it really matter who was tasked with what? Sesshomaru may have not been around all the time but that doesn't mean he's any less involved or invested in Rin's general care and well-being. So it's that thought alone that keeps many of us from even contemplating a romance forming between them. Whether he hardly interacted with her over the years or not is irrelevant, because it's clear to me that they have both formed a strong enough bond that constitutes calling them family. I highly doubt he ever even planned to keep Rin in his company as long as he did. But it happened, and whether you want to admit it or not, meeting her changed his life. Meaning Rin was never just some girl he traveled with or hardly knew. Despite his feigned indifference and stoic ways at times, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Rin grew on him and was the first person to really influence him in a way that helped soften and open up that heart of his in a way nobody ever had before. One's significance to any given person isn't solely measured by the quantity of time spent alongside that person but by the quality of how that time was spent with said person. It's safe to say that in the case of Sesshomaru and Rin, they definitely fall under that category. 

2. Fair if you don't view Sesshomaru as Rin's father, but you must acknowledge that he did fill some father figure-like role to her at the very least. Or let's just call him her vassal if you think that's a more accurate description. Also, can I just quickly stress again that it doesn't matter how long she spent by his side or whether she spent more time in the village or not, because he still ended up playing a major part in her childhood as an adult male role model. Regardless of the title you give him, it still stands that although he may not be her official adoptive father, he is LIKE A FATHER. There really is no point in denying that, because their dynamic exudes one of a father-daughter. I guarantee you that any outsider looking in would agree that if not her father then at the very least he embodies a male relative of some kind. Honestly, the details of their relationship dynamic specific to this show (regional/period differences, human vs. demon culture, etc.), don't really matter here. Why? Because one can assume that the general consensus here is that a large percentage of fans perceive their connection as a familial one. Yes, most would unanimously agree that Rin and Sesshomaru, along with Jaken and Ah-Un, are a FAMILY. 

If she had first met him as an adult, then we'd possibly have a very different story here. The point of the matter is that he didn't, so that should be where this discussion ends. Unfortunately, for many, it's not. The bottom line is that a child he knew and cared for should never be someone he begins to view in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed (or that to demons years are like days or some less inconsequential length of time), and how much she's matured or how specific marriage customs were back then (if they're no longer appropriate now then why are we still condoning these backward practices?). Rin should NEVER have the desire to be sexually attracted to this father figure she's always looked to and trusted to protect her. Maybe it's vastly different from a demon's perspective (even though still unjustifiable in my opinion), but as a human, Rin's feelings towards Sesshomaru wouldn't and shouldn't suddenly change towards him and in such a drastic manner mind you. Yeah, maybe she used to have an innocent crush on him, but I'd like to think our smart and compassionate little Rin would learn that was simply because she was a child who didn't know any better. Besides, growing up with Kaede and around other humans I'd like to think she fell in love with another human sometime over the course of all those years. It only makes sense, right? Don't you think that's part of why Sesshomaru left her there in the first place? He wished for her to experience what it was like to live a normal human life, falling in love and marriage both being a key part of that. If I were Sesshomaru, I'd be deeply troubled if I started to develop feelings for a little girl I once protected and kept in my company for quite an extended period of time, which was at least a year from what I understand. (Pls correct me if I'm wrong because I gather it may have been longer.) 

3. Apparently in the manga and the Final Act, we see Sesshomaru still visits the village to check on Rin from time to time. He even brings her gifts, such as beautiful and luxurious kimonos. I recently learned from another Tumblr post that kimonos are what older men gift in order to sort of earn their favor with these young ladies, AKA they're wooing them. If that is indeed true, then that would mean he's basically grooming her and has been for however long she's lived there in the village but potentially even longer. To put it nicely, he's courting her. If this was another young lady (maybe not an adult perhaps but still of marrying age) who he DIDN'T assist in raising, then I could possibly get on board with this.

The thing is, it's far from that with them two if you consider everything they've gone through and endured together! Because he not only met her as a young girl but he got to know her first as a young girl, and she became one of his traveling companions all while she was only a young girl!!! Their bond will always be defined by that time when she was just a young girl, and nothing can or should change that he will always see her in that same light. Kinda like how our parents or other family members from older generations tell us that they'll always see us as their babies. So the fact that her time spent with Sesshomaru is constantly compared to her time spent in the village shouldn't apply here. Don't we all know this already? That we can can come across someone in our lifetime and maybe the time with them is short-lived, but that doesn't make it any less significant or those people any less special. Sesshomaru made an impact on her as much as she did on him, that much we know is true. Sure, it was years ago, but that's not something you ever forget. Sometimes when you look at loved ones you haven't seen in a while, there are just certain memories you have of them from over the years that will come rushing back to you without fail and that you will always cherish no matter what. I'd like to believe that when Rin looks at Sesshomaru and he looks at her, that they can both look back fondly on their times traveling together. This explains why I'm really struggling here to picture how anyone could sleep with someone they used to treat as their guardian/father/ward/daughter/what have you. So someday and somehow, this person just stops viewing them that way, is that it? I mean, how does this work exactly? It's not like you can just flip off a switch and forget everything from your past with this person, ya know? Unless you have your memory wiped, what I'm understanding is that S*ssrin shippers approve of the idea of these two characters KNOWING that they are or used to be like practically FAMILY to each other, yet agree that these two characters in question still have the capacity not to mention desire to pursue HAVING SEX with each other anyway. Do I got that all right? Did I miss anything?  

Originally I provided two examples of fan art I found to help put what I'm trying to say here into better perspective, but since they've been removed, just type in "Sesshomaru and Rin" on Google and you'll find plenty of examples of what I'm talking about here- and no, it's not S*ssrin images. I realize Sesshomaru has never been the touchy-feely sorta guy like it's depicted in some of the fan art, but that doesn't necessarily diminish the affection he feels and attachment he has towards Rin. He just has a different way of expressing his love is all, even if he doesn't outwardly show it. The real question here is, can you really look at sweet pictures of an adult comforting a child who's been under his care for a significant amount of time and then suddenly be like, "oh man, I can't wait till they bang!" I'm sorry, to each their own, but you gotta admit why we must find that creepy. 

4. Regarding Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, we need to remember that he didn't age after all those years stuck to that tree. And besides, demons age differently so this is a pretty unfair comparison. This isn't the best example, but think about how a cat's lifespan works. 10 years in (indoor) cat years is like 56 in human years. So technically in demon years, Inuyasha is physically and emotionally compatible with a human around Kagome's age. Hell, even though he's over a hundred years older, Kagome is still a whole lot more mature than he probably ever will be! 😂 (Psst! We still love you, Inuyasha! 💋)

Now as for Koga and Ayame, this also isn't comparable to Sesshomaru and Rin. Koga met Ayame one night, only not to see her ever again until she was older and of age. After rescuing her on that night when she was only a girl, he gives her a piggyback ride and you can tell he just wants to cheer her up when he mentions her being his wife someday. (And boy, did that work wonders on Ayame!) Then they gaze at this stunning lunar rainbow together, which I think is quite rare judging by looks of it. This is not an attempt to defend this proposal- if we can even really call it that- but all I'm saying is that I don't think even Koga knows what overcame him in that moment. Fast forward to present-day when they cross paths again, and Ayame still remembers his so-called promise, but guess who doesn't right away? Yep, our man Koga! It takes a quite a while for it to come back to him, too. This further proves my point that something beyond Koga and his power possessed him to say all those things to a little Ayame for some reason. Maybe you can call it destiny, or maybe it was some special kind of magic caused by the lunar rainbow, Idk! All I know is that they do end up together in the Final Act and that it wasn't until they met as two consenting wolf-demons that they really grew to know each other and coincidentally- or maybe not so coincidentally- fall in love.

 5. From what I understand, it appears these drama CDs are some kind of satire which doesn't equate to canon. Perhaps Rumiko did not debunk them but she also didn't confirm they're true either. I'm hearing conflicting reports, however, and her involvement in them is questionable. Like her name is supposedly on the cover or something? But then I've also heard that she has spoken out against this ship. From the sounds of it, there is enough evidence- or lack thereof rather- to conclude that fans cannot use this as proof enough for their ship already being or soon-to-be canon. 

Finally, I'd like to end on this note where I'll be addressing ethics in entertainment. When it comes to our choice of entertainment, there's always a level of escapism implied, sometimes so much that we project ourselves onto certain characters. Delving into a fantasy world like that of Inuyasha can really help some people better cope with real life problems, but it's all about striking the right balance, as each individual has different wants and needs. The thing is there's only so much escapism one can allow in a fictional world before basic morals from our own world begin to take precedence. I can always enjoy some good fantasy, but it's not long until I start to reflect on how I personally relate what entertainment I'm currently absorbed in to real life. It's inevitable really. For example, if certain relationships portrayed on screen conflict with strong opinions I've adopted on a sensitive topic, especially those that take children into account, then I feel it's my responsibility to speak out against any media that even remotely promotes it. Yes, even if it's just fiction. Because art imitates life, right? (And yes, sometimes the other way around.) So in other words, our stories should mirror our way of life to some degree. History has seen its fair share of ugly events and traditions we are surely ashamed of but that we've hopefully learned our lessons from. Most societies nowadays seriously frown upon or condemn stuff like pedophilia, child grooming, or anything of the sort. Of course it doesn't help that we see still see these kinds of issues glossed over so much that we've become desensitized to them in many respects.

The thing is we cannot allow this way too common older-man-dotes-on-young-girl trope (or anything resembling it) to continue to be glorified or romanticized. It matters not that feudal Japan was a drastically different time to be alive and that this was the norm back then, or even that this remains a popular ship in Japan. All it comes down to is if whether we would currently tolerate such acts and behaviors were we to witness them in real life. If your answer is 'no', then it should be 'no' in every respect. If you deem it acceptable just because it's fiction, then I'm sorry to say, but you're going to have to answer to a lot of people. No surprise there, that goes for all fandoms. I guarantee you it's not just the people who personally identify as victims who have serious qualms with this ship either, because you don't necessarily need to have bad experiences of your own in order sympathize and see where a lot of these people are coming from. And no, just because I'm unhappy with the possibility of S*ssrin going canon does not mean I'm whining or that I'm attempting to spread negativity about this series before it's even out. Remember, fans have the right to be critical of whatever content it is they're watching/reading, and if they demand something in the storytelling be represented better, then of course they can challenge that. After all, none of us should feel like "canceling" the content we love is our only hope to fixing a story. That's not how it ever should be. Fans are fed up, and can you really blame them? Nah, we can strive to do better in this area, plus it's not like there isn't always room for improvement. So let's please be more vigilant about how the content we consume translates to reality, in addition to being mindful of how it can directly correlate to real life problems for ourselves as well as others around us.  

That's a wrap, y'all!! I hope you enjoyed what I had to offer on this topic, and here's hoping I actually contributed something new to this conversation! I'm aware that that's unlikely the case for us fans who've been living in this tag the past couple days (like me lol), but I'd like to believe I put my own spin on it and it was still worth your while. 😉 

P.S. Overall, I remain optimistic about the new show! So are there any friendly Inuyasha group chats on Tumblr I can join? If so, please do invite me! I need to obsess about this sequel even more than I already am, EEEK!!!