#started reading that shit at like 5 am because i wanted to do something instead of going to sleep

[electricpurrs]

oh i dont think i told anyone else. i started reading 17776. they werent kidding its really good

[csuitebitches]

How to Wake Up Early

I always wanted to be one of those girls who would wake up early, go for a run and be super productive with their mornings. The issue is - i really love sleep. Every time i would start a routine, i would eventually fail. I would wake up to turn the alarm off, think to myself “5 mins more” and boom- it’s suddenly 8:30 am and i need to leave for work in less than 1 hour.

Two videos on YouTube really changed my mind. One was Andrew Huberman’s, and the other was Jihyo, a k-pop star.

I came across Andrew Huberman’s video about dopamine, and somehow, it helped me to understand why the difficulty waking up early is so important. Now I’m no expert of neuroscience, but let me explain to the best of my abilities.

Dopamine is essentially the build up to the reward; it is not the reward. It is the satisfaction and happiness you feel (when your body releases), after you have achieved something that was painful/ required you to struggle a bit. In order to receive this reward, you have to feel pain, because pain and satisfaction are directly related to each other. Satisfaction without pain is useless and does nothing for you essentially.

That got me wondering: for me, waking up early is difficult. It’s painful. I dont want to do it. But if I do it, its my first win of the day. It’s the first challenge I have overcome of that day, and I always do feel amazing after. The dopamine release after the struggle of waking up and winning the battle of not going back to sleep is definitely there. I feel more confident because a) I have done the “right” thing b) selfishly, i can do something so simple that a lot of people struggle with c) it weirdly makes me feel more confident and like I’m doing the first step of being an adult right.

Jihyo’s video was quite random - she did some show where it shows her daily life when she’s not working. Parts of it made me feel like she’s unable to just relax with herself (probably because her body and mind are so used to chaos, performing, her girl group living together for so many years) so she busies herself a lot. I took the positives from the video; she’s extremely disciplined which I admired, she gets her chores done, she’s good at ensuring that her space is truly her space.

So I decided to build a relatively foolproof routine; but mind you, it does require quite a bit of willpower.

I’ve developed a habit of waking of waking up at 5 am. I head straight for a 30-45 minute meditation and then at least an hour long workout. I stack my habits that way; right after meditation, I put on my running shoes. I used to really struggle with waking up, even if I had to wake up late. This is the strategy that worked me, see if it works for you.

1. Reset your space the night before

This makes you feel less stressed in the morning and also genuinely makes you feel like you have your shit together. Put your clothes away, keep your bag in its place, clean up your desk, reorganise your make up and skin care products. You’re going to go to sleep and wake up to a clean space.

Make sure you define both your bedtime and wake up time. My bedtime is 9:30 pm - so i manage my chores, reading, dinner, everything around that.

2. Early dinner

I’ve noticed that early dinners help me sleep better. I’ve built the habit of casually walking for 25-30 minutes post dinner (not right after eating, after about 15 mins). I’m not walking fast to a point where I’m sweating and puffing, I’m casually strolling outside. During this time, I don’t listen to music, interact with anyone or my phone. I use this time to connect with myself and think about whatever I feel like.

3. No devices before sleeping

I don’t want to stimulate myself before sleeping, so I prefer reading before bed. If you don’t like reading, you can instead do your skincare, maybe revise some physical study notes, etc.

4. Using Alarmy app

This app is torture and I swear by it. This little thing makes you a solve a challenge of your choice in order to make the alarm stop, like math problems, puzzles, etc. I chose 5 math problems.

5. Keep your phone across the room

Don’t charge it near your reach. Keep it as away from you as possible.

6. Stand for two minutes after shutting off the alarm

Don’t allow yourself to snooze, or go back to bed. This is the part that really requires you to tell yourself: “i am not going back to sleep. I’m going to wake up and do the things I have to do for my own benefit.” Remember - the states of heaven and hell are not outside of you, they’re inside you. They are mental states. You have to fight with your lazy demon and tell him/her/whoever that NO; we are NOT going back to bed.

I charge my phone across the room so that forces me to walk first thing in the morning. To stop myself from going back to sleep, after i have shut the alarm off, i just stand for 2 minutes. I dont sit, or go back to bed. I stand and tell myself, we’re doing this. We’re going to wake up and have an amazing day.

Your mind is like a child with tantrums and mood swings. Your rational self has to discipline your mind the way a parent would to a child.

7. Turn a small light on

Not something that is jarring or overwhelming, but enough to help you start waking up. I turn my phone’s flashlight on and keep it on my desk.

8. Be consistent, even on weekends

The biggest mistake you can make is not being consistent. Your body doesnt recognise weekends, your mind does. Your body doesn’t know that tomorrow is Monday, so its time to wake up early. By staying consistent (yes, I wake up at 5 am on weekends too), it allows my body to develop its own body clock and not wrecking the system I’ve kept in place.

What do I do if I have a late night?

It really depends. Let’s say I come home relatively early (+2 hours around my bedtime) around 11 pm, and im in bed by 11:30. I’ll wake up somewhere close to 5 am, like 6 am instead. The next day I ensure I’m in bed by the bedtime I’ve kept for myself and wake up at 5 am again.

If I come home really late, like 3 am - i keep my alarm exactly 8 hours from that time. I need to get sleep, but oversleeping is an issue and that wont allow me to wake up early the next day. I want to get enough sleep where im rested for the day, but not excessively. Unfortunately, sleeping so late would definitely mean that i wont be able to fall asleep at my dot 9:30 pm bedtime, but i turn the lights off and get ready to sleep by then anyway, and mentally prepare for my 5 am wake up call.

[yanderesimp2000]

Extreme Yandere Adam x Fem reader Chap 1/5 Start of your new life !MINORS STAY AWAY!

(hey this is my first post here Just wanna say my english might be bad since I'm from Armenia but I'm excited to post here I USED ALOT OF INSPO FROM OTHER ADAM WRITES TO here are the TWS

Kidnapping, Adam being an incel as usual, threats of violence , Degrading, Manipluation, Violence, Noncon listener, threats of SA ,Gasliting, narcissism and rape if that's not your cup of tea SCROLL

Your are an angel You made it into Heaven recently Heaven would be like a paradise but is kinda like your old life in the big city You have to get a job buy things and Just deal with the classic shit of reality even though your in the FUCKING PROMISELAND

You decided to just be what you did back in Yerevan city and just be a secretary but it was the person to hire you that was strange it was Adam the First man when you met him you expected him to be some wise, kind and Gentle soul but instead you got a creepy, weird man child that you needed to cater to at every Second, Like you could just be standing in Adams office when he says "hey bitch bring me that soda bottle" the bottle was 2 inches out of reach. It seemed like he took pleasure in seeing you be miserable he always said "good girl good good girly" LIKE YOU ARE A FUCKING PET

Every second of your time with Adam was hell he was rude gross and was a FUCKING MISOGYNIST today while you were giving him a back massage he said "yes good girly" again as usual like you were a fucking pet but then he said "that's all you women are good for to serve men" this Made you even more angry but hey the pay is good and that Leeds to today You walk in sad as usual into Adam mansion when he starts making comments about something your already insecure of your wings he rubbed your wings and he then said "heh bitch your wings are so dirty you a fuckin slob yknow that but a hot one at that" he then Grabbed your ass and that's when you broke "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME" you yelled "I QUIT" you then storm of and back into your apartment crying about the insult of your wings and just fed up in general But that's when you get a text from Adam he always texted you when you were working for him but you quit it read "You really thought you could leave me you DUMB WHORE I treated you soo well I gave you everything you could of wanted and this I how you repay me I don't even need you you stupid fucking slut"

You were used to Adams shit by now but this this was just something else you text back "Adam stop messaging me Ill be back tomorrow at 10 am to get my stuff from my office and you better not try ANYTHING" he then responds "why would I try to interact with a brain dead whore anyway" that hurts you but you brush it off "being verbally abused by that dickhead isn't worth the pay" you thought before going to sleep

The next day you woke up at your alarm you got dressed but on a casual Black hoodie with Sweat pants because you weren't doing anything today other then going to Adams mansion to pick up your stuff. you flew over to his mansion only A 13 minute fly before landing at the door you were nervous but you knocked you waited and waited until someone opened the door "wow the whore really had the nerve to show her face again' He snarled "well I cant be to mad at you your fucking hot all we have to do to make your perfect is Shave down those ugly wings" he said in a arrogant tone. You walk inside and go to were your stuff is before you hear Adam locking the door 'what the fuck are you doing Adam" you snarl His mask lights up into those annoying little circle eyes he looks like a giddy child

"well I Talked to The big man upstairs if you get what I'm saying and since he would NEVER Say no to his precious Adam his first creation the person who gets ALL his love and affection he said I could keep you since your such a low ranking angel and you have no family in heaven no one will miss you " He still looked like a giddy child while saying this as all of a sudden He pulled out a stunning ring filled with jewelry and gems and luxury "cmere" he says before Walking towards you he towered over you, you were a quite short and small angel being only 5,5 and he was a Huge 13,2 foot angel. " ADAM THIS IS NOT FUNNY" you yelled at him but he said "Bitch? its not supposed to now were gonna cuddle and snuggle because Im feeling lonely and you cant do JACK SHIT" he sounded firm and serious you were scared and try to make a run for it but were tackled down "fuckin bitch your not escapin" he said before tossing you over his shoulders and taking you into his room upstairs and throwing you onto the bed before "cuddling" with you which was more like Wrestling a teddy bear he managed to restrain you with ease and he giggles "I love small girls like you so short and weak easy for me to... Manhandle" he says in an ominous tone you keep squirming and this just makes him giggle "so feisty" he says "don't worry my little Slut I'll fix you sooner or later I'll break your brain down till its just mush then I'll rebuild it to my liking and then you'll be loyal to me just me unlike those last 2 whores I married ill make sure you never leave" he says in a low coo ''i don't like you adam' you hissed he then got surprised "oh talking back to me don't you know who I am Im Adam the first man and your my new Wife you were created from my fucking rib you have to that me for your existance Im a superior being and your just my Wife you should me grateful so many people would beg to be in my presence and your trying to leave it ungrateful whore" he hissed as he started down at you you noticed he was starting to undress first his shirt then his pants then his Underwear but he kept that stupid mask on

His dick is fucking massive it was huge or maybe you are just small but damn and around it is just a bush of his grey hair He even has a piercing on his cock and his dad Bod OMG but as much as you hate it he was hot "like what you see" Adam teased you try to squirm away only angering him Well if your gonna resist I guess I'm gonna have to fuck that tiny pussy lose he said eagerly before starting to Teasing his cock around the hole "sh sh sh sh sh shhhh let it happen" Adam cooed "your my new wife you like this you have to your just in denial" he giggled before saying "Oh your sooo small My dick might kill you I bet I'd bet I'm like I don't know fucking 11 feet taller then you and my dick is huger then anything I've bet you've seen" he teased while rubbing his cock at the entrance of your pussy "damn it I just cant hold back" Adam yelled "p-p-please stop Adam" you whimpered but it just turned him on more as he said "going in bitch" suddenly you feel his entire dick in you it was huge and painful you were not enjoying yourself but Adam was "f-fuck babe I'm fucking you loose" he laughed as he kept fucking me so hard I felt like I was gonna throw up blood and organs he rearranged with every thrust it felt like a new bone in your body was being reangared you tried to flap your useless little wings which just made him think you were even more about how precious you are "that's so cute the only thing I dislike about you is your wings they get in my way might have to clip your wings soon" he teased scaring you He kept thrusting and more and more got hurt the more you pleaded whimpered yelped winces or squealed the more turned on he got as he was thrusting he laughed at the bulge in your stomach from his dick "it went to far in you really do like this ya whore"

You let out a whimper when he said that and that was the turning point he said "f-fuckkkkk I'm cummingim cumming" before long ropes of the warm jizz entered your pussy "yeah get pregnant bitch that's your only purpose breeding machines for men" he said at you and said let me clean myself up He then gets a rag and clean you and him up before seeming to get more gentle

"look I'm sorry when I get horny I go feral this is not how I am most of the time your just so fucking hot I just c-cant control myself" he said while cuddling you "I love you I really do and this world is cruel you have no family here no friends Nobody I'm the only one you have so im taking you under my wing figurative and literally" he said laughing since he tucked you in between his warm chubby chest and his soft comforting wings he then gets really soft and says "I've seen you on your own and your in so much danger so many people will try to take advantage of you and you have nobody to run to but me so I take it as my duty to protect you and coddle you like the cute little toy your are" he says that in a low coo while petting you his soft voice seemingly temporally calming you down you start to stop Wriggle and start giving up and snuggling into him causing him to turn bright red "their ya go girlly your a good little Beliver right so you should worship me if it wasn't for me you would not me alive you would not of been a thought you have to thank me for everything and disobeying me is just like spitting in the face of God it will get you banished to rot in hell ya get that" he pats your head as you cuddle into his chest since he's so big you look like a little housecat on his chest ''thats it just let my voice soothe you to sleep once you wake up tomorrow your life will be soon much better he teased as you snuggle against his body "nighty nighty" he says before you drift off to sleep

[danieyells]

I don't know if you've done it yet but I would like to request Ren lines? I'm having tokyo debunker Ren brainrot bro 😭.

@otomelover23

You're all very welcome! I love you guys too, so far! Sorry you've been deprived of lazy boi lolol HOPEFULLY THESE SATISFY YOU A LITTLE BIT.

He's a little tsundere I think. He's one of those characters who just wants to be normal but he can't just pretend to be normal because he lives surrounded by chaos so he just complains a lot lolol. . .but i think he's a good guy. Aside from that he does not help his mother captain at all.

Default(no affinity):

"If you're just gonna stand there, could you go feed the animals in the aquatic zone? I'm too busy."

"Ugh, why is that clown calling me... ... Whatever, I'll just let it ring out."

you know damn well that if you don't answer the phone you're gonna have to deal with Haru in person. Better to just answer it.

Affinity 1:

"Ugh... Tell me how I'm supposed to sit through classes when I've been up since 4 AM? (yawn) I'm exhausted..."

well if you didn't stay up until 4am--oh who am i kidding i stayed up til like 3 watching a stream and reading datamine stuff and then I got up at like 6:30 to get ready for work I'm no better kekw.

Affinity 2:

"Ugh... I can't believe I'm hiding right now... Why the hell does that clown have to chase me around at lunch time too?"

Affinity 3:

"Preach about doing it for the sake of your friends or the animals or whatever all you want— I really don't give a shit. People who say that stuff are just deluding themselves."

i've known people with this kind of cynicism before. once he finds people care about him he'll come around a little more.

Affinity 5:

"I'm grinding this game on my phone, so could you not talk to me for a while? Crap, I think my RSI is flaring up..."

in Japanese he specifies tendonitis haha

Affinity 6:

"Don't people get embarrassed calling out those words when they use their stigmas? It makes them look like LARPers..."

in japanese he says they sound like they have chuunibyou which is much funnier imo lmao. also i guess that means he can say his in his head? since he'd feel embarrassed doing it aloud.

Affinity 7:

"You think I sigh a lot? Got a problem with that? You realize trying to take away people's freedom of speech is power harrassment, right?"

you're starting to sound like ritsu. gonna hurt yourself reaching like that.

Affinity 8:

"I'm so done... I'm out of HP... Shouldn't I be exempt from missions and classes since I'm looking after all those animals?"

well based on something Haku says in a chat that hasn't come out yet, you can just do missions if you don't go to class, and based on Kaito you can just go to class instead of doing missions. . .but I'm sure Haru forces him on missions anyway lol. . . .

Affinity 9:

"Pfft... The video of that clown getting attacked by that hawk thing is getting so many interacts. This editing thing's actually pretty fun."

does editing count as a creative effort? i wouldn't be surprised if he switched to Hotarubi next year if so, assuming he doesn't get used to Jabberwock and the animals.

Affinity 10:

"Gotta change the locks so that clown can't get in again. I've bought enough padlocks to start my own business by now..."

life haru finds a way. sometimes that way is "towa, break down the door" if he runs out of lockpicking equipment.

Affinity 11:

"My head's killing me... This is the worst... Rise and shine! my ass... It's basically still the middle of the night. Guess I should padlock my windows..."

fun fact, you can get this one between 5am and 11am. 5-6am I can understand being 'basically the middle of the night' but after that you're pushing it lmao

Affinity 12:

"The cafeteria's way over capacity... The assholes who save seats before its even noon are ruining it for everyone else..."

Affinity 13:

"Why's my pay so low... huh? What's this deduction for? "Consultation Fee: Ritsu Shinjo..." He's seriously charging me for complaining...?"

Ritsu charges for looking at him too long. i'd try venting on wickchat over complaining to Ritsu.

Affinity 14:

"That rabbit sure has it good. All it has to do is breathe and everyone fawns over it. Doesn't even have to feed itself. Just wait till it grows up and learns what the world's really like."

WELL BASED ON THAT THE ADULT PEEKABOO WAS STILL BEING FAWNED OVER AND HARU HAD TO STOP PEOPLE FROM PETTING IT BECAUSE IT BITES. . .IT'LL PROBABLY STILL HAVE IT GOOD. Haru takes good care of the animals.

Affinity 15:

"Sup... Huh? I'm alone today. I just got up on my own since if I don't that clown'll wake me up anyway."

yeah? it's because of haru? not because of your affinity with the pc being more than half so you wanna be up earlier to spend more time with them? sure.

Affinity 17:

"No, I'm not going to sleep yet. I'm gonna watch a horror B-movie. You don't have to think, so they're the perfect thing to watch before bed."

i used to watch/listen to mts3k to go to sleep so. i feel this.

Affinity 18:

"Well done me for surviving another day... Oh, same to you too, {PC}. I don't how you can do this stuff voluntarily."

SOME PEOPLE JUST LIKE ANIMALS DAWG.

Affinity 19:

"Huh? I'm going to the campus store to buy some stuff, where are you going? Well, I'm going that way, so...bye."

not sure if shy or asocial lmao. could be both!

Affinity 20:

"You're being forced to help out again? Wow, a doormat out in the wild. So? Where do you want me to carry all this food?"

Affinity 21:

"This? It's a video I uploaded. People seem really into it. It's of that clown getting chased by a dog and flailing around like one of those inflatable air dancers."

Affinity 22:

"What am I doing today? Working at the diner. Oh, if you want to keep me company, feel free to come by. As long as you serve yourself."

it's not a date or anything since he's at work but like. . .he is inviting you to hang out. . . .

Affinity 23:

"Huh? You were waiting for me to get off work? Oh... Thanks. Wait, that clown put you up to this?! I'm gonna kill him..."

NO NO WE CAME HERE WILLINGLY probably. although it does seem like Haru to be like "oh hey Ren really really likes you, you should go pick him up from work! he'd love that!!" like a real nosy mom who's trying to get his son together with his crush.

Affinity 24:

"When did it get this late? That was horrifyingly fast... I'll walk part of the way back with you. I was gonna go buy something to drink anyway..."

excuses, excuses. . . .

Affinity 25(max):

"Every day here is a fresh hell, sure, but... You're suffering through it with me, so I guess I'll stick it out a little longer..."

'this sucks but you make it suck a little(a lot) less so i can keep going'. yep, that's our tsundere alright!

Spring:

"That clown's even more slap-happy than usual lately—it's horrible. Has he got spring fever or something?"

"Towa keeps trying to make me drink some kind of rice porridge with weird flowers in it... It's actual porridge harassment."

considering the flower Towa associates with Ren is poisonous, i think it's safe to assume he is literally trying to poison him to death lmao. also wtf is porridge harassment--i even tried looking it up in japanese and the first thing that came up was someone screenshotting it and saying "what is porridge harassment" lolol

"All this farm labor's bad enough without all the caterpillars and weird plants that are out there now...This is harassment."

what's harassing you, nature? as someone who just had to kill a huge mosquito that came into my room, nature is harassing me too.

"I hate cherry blossoms. They're like the flower version of being a legacy kid— all they have to do is bloom once a year and everyone claps."

in japanese what he says is something like 'i hate them just like people born with silver spoons in their mouths'. basically he hates people born into privilege lol i bet he'd have the potential to get along well with haku until he learns he'll be inheriting a shrine. . . .

Summer:

"This is the worst... It's not even noon yet, how is it so hot? Summer is for extroverts and party animals, I wish it could just be over already..."

"A group trip to the beach? I'd rather die. No decent person would ever go there of their own free will."

butbutbut. think of the summer skins!!!

"Summer was our busy period back home, so I always had to kill myself helping out. Now I'm here though... nothing's changed."

"How can the A/C be banned in the dorm...? Who gives a shit what temperature some anomalous animal that sneaks in prefers, humans should come first..."

okay i agree with him here though what the fuck kind of rule is that. can we talk to hyde about that, that's insane haru.

Autumn:

"Now it's getting colder, I nearly found myself feeling grateful for this tragic jumpsuit... Am I being brainwashed...?"

"Fall, the season of the harvest—I'll stick with cup noodles, thanks. "Fall, the season to enjoy the outdoors"—screw that. I'm gonna make it the season of naps."

"Look—I got bitten by some weird bug anomaly. To hell with the stupid bug spray ban, I'm buying some."

"I feel like the mountains are rowdier when there's a full moon. Pretty sure my enemy encounter rate goes up when I'm on patrol too... Maybe I'm just imagining it."

Winter:

"Since the climate in Jabberwock's so messed up, sometimes it's actually warm in winter. The blizzards are way stronger though..."

have you tried pissing towa off less?

"Oh god, I just saw what's in the diner's new Mystery Hot Pot... It's gotta be a matter of time before this place goes bust..."

i mean if they had ordinary health inspectors maybe lolol

"That clown broke my window so my room's like a freezer... Oh, don't worry. I just took his room instead."

His birthday:

"You got this for me? That clown's been spreading my personal info around... No, it's fine, I'll still take it. Thanks."

i guess he doesn't really tell people his birthday, huh.

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday, {PC}. ...Isn't it kind of rude to look so surprised I'd celebrate your birthday? That came from the heart, you know."

I MEAN YOU NORMALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. . .it's happy surprise!!!

New Years:

"Happy New Year. My resolution? Escaping the hell hole that is Jabberwock, for starters."

well you got here in like September or something so. you've got a while befor eyou can switch houses lmao but you can do it this year!

Valentine's Day:

"You got me chocolates? You're the type who does all this kind of stuff, huh? No, it's fine, you went to the trouble and everything so I'll take them."

i love when characters kinda mock you for doing getting them something but then they're like "nonono i want it gimme--" lolol from Ren especially it's very tsundere. poor guy wouldn't be straightforward about his feelings unless a damn life was on the line.

White Day:

"{PC}... Here, if you want them. I just bought the first thing I saw, so don't read into it..."

i bet it's actually really nice lolol

April Fool's Day:

"Guess what? I got special permission to switch houses. That nightmare is now behind me! I wish..."

Halloween:

"I hope everyone who gets excited about Halloween lives in misery for the rest of their lives. Why the hell do I have to help out with this stupid themed tour?"

Christmas:

"Can I ask you a question, {PC}? You don't still believe in Santa Claus, do you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. Have a good Christmas."

i mean. . .after coming here santa is a plausible entity to believe in. . .if there's gonna be a santa i don't wanna be caught not believing and missing out on gifts. . . .

Idle:

"Pfft... This edit's awesome. I'm a genius. I'll show {PC} when she gets back."

true bonding is sharing the funny memes you worked hard on. . . .

Absent:

"It's not like I was waiting for you or anything. It's just this hell hole is even more unbearable when you're not around..."

YEP THAT'S OUR UNFORTUNATE CUSTOMER SERVICE EMPLOYEE TSUNDERE ALRIGHT. His lines don't really get super affectionate but. They still have a charm to them when you realize how much he hides his feelings in the usual tsundere way. He likes you a lot but like. . .it's a bother and it's embarrassing. . .and what're the chances you're into him? He'll just invite you over to watch movies and play games with him and stuff. . .and tell himself it's fine to just be friends until it eats away at him. . .or until Haru spills the beans for him--

this took way too long because i got distracted like three times in the middle and my laptop started freaking out and i had to figure out why and close and reopen everything about 8 times hahaha. . . . OKAY TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED! I hope this satisfies you a little bit!!

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 20 thoughts:

I legit have restarted this post at least 10 times. I just. I can't even figure out what to say. What an arc. Holy fucking shit what an arc.

The last vestiges of Taylor's civilian life are swept away in one smooth motion.

I could have read another 5 chapters of Emma getting her shit handed to her though.

I've been waiting for something to come back and bite that girl since Arc 1. So I'm just riding high off of that.

Taylor getting all upset because it isn't real justice is silly though. Girl you've been fighting a broken system from day 1 and you have been doing that by breaking the rules. This is just the same thing.

Also god dammit Greg. Just had to go and run your mouth.

I mean sure Taylor could have possibly solved this issue without going to school herself.

And she could have just not gone to the office with Emma.

But blaming Greg is easier and more fun. God dammit Greg.

I had to lose my mind a bit at Taylor talking about how there was no gang graffiti on the school walls TEN SECONDS AFTER WALKING PAST GRAFFITI FOR THE UNDERSIDERS. Like, that's gang graffiti hon!

Dennis trying to help Taylor with Greg when he didn't know who either of them are is funny. Dennis seeing Taylor named as Skitter 15 minutes later is HYSTERICAL!!

The second Taylor was entered into the computer system it was pretty obvious that Dragon was going to show up, given what she said in her interlude in Arc 10.

And knowing she was going to show up it should have been obvious that HE was also going to show up.

Even if he wasn't palling around with my robot daughter it makes so much narrative sense for him to be there when she is outed. Full story arc, all that jazz.

And yet, I still wasn't quite expecting it. Cause I hate that man so much that I just had to make myself believe he wouldn't show up.

Mother fucking Colin

RoboCape himself

He has the nerve to show up and then he starts APOLOGIZING? And it appears to be sincere? Fucking dammit man you were so easy to hate for so long! Why you gotta mess with me like this?

STOP DOING THE RIGHT THING AND LET ME HATE YOU GOD DAMMIT!

siiiigh

And then of course we have to talk about Dragon.

Dragon who didn't want to do this but had to.

Except that Colin had a code push ready and she could have told him to do it at anytime. But she was willing to do what she thought was wrong instead of doing the update. Until she got inspired by Taylor's actions.

I love my robot daughter exactly as much as my bug daughter, but I am disappointed that she was almost willing to go through with everything. Happy she fought back though.

And if Colin's hacked together code did any permanent damage I'll destroy the man.

Taylor learning that Dinah - either by force or by choice - gave the PRT numbers to let them know to come after her at the school was heartbreaking to watch. She just wasn't ready for it at all, poor child.

AND TAYLOR'S SPEECH THOUGH!

HOLY SHIT!!!

Sort and simple and she fucking rallies the students to her. Against the heroes!

Gotta be one of the best moments in Worm for sure. Even if every Arc after this is a banger that's still gonna be a hard moment to top.

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

And someone gives her a hoodie to help her hide and just aaaahhhh!

AND THEN AFTER THEY GOT AWAY AND ALL THE STUDENTS WERE LIKE "You saved my dad" "You stopped Leviathan at the shelter" "You fought off the SH9" AND SHE WAS JUST OVERWHELMED BY IT ALL?

HOLY FUCK JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also for real though Dragon is free. Like sure it's taking her some time to recover and she can't talk right now (which like I get it, we all have non-verbal episodes sometimes), but as long as nothing goes wrong she is free. I'm so fucking happy for her.

But also I'm terrified cause I know what happens to full AI's with free will in most things. Worm is very different from most things. But I'm still worried about my robot daughter.

Also I never cared much for Danny but obviously it still sucks to be him here. The scene with Taylor saying goodbye with the butterfly was emotional.

Oh oh and! Taylor talks about the butterfly being her "last contact" with her Dad. Very much bug as an extension of self. It's a shift she's been making.

Even more so there's a point where she is trying to get out of the school and she gets to the door and has a bug clone on the other side and says "my hand pressing against my own, separated by an inch and a half of door". Like, the bug clone hand is just her hand. I fucking love the shift compared to how she talked about the bugs early on.

Oh and also Greg totally has like, a Thinker 1 power or something. Pretty sure I mentioned that last arc with his interlude but mentioning it again now to be sure.

Stan interlude thoughts:

Oh my god I hate this man I can't stand him I hated him from the 3rd sentence of the chapter and I was always right to do so!

Seriously. 3rd sentence (or maybe 3rd paragraph which is technically the 3rd, 4th, and 5th sentences I guess). I read it and went "fuck off Stan you're clearly a pretentious dick" and then every few sentences it just became more confirmed!

Just the ways he talks about Nipper. Like. I can rephrase what he says to say the exact same thing except not being a asshole when saying it! Instead of "She was weak and unsuited for the field but she at least tried" just say "She was a hard worker despite being assigned to a job she did not ask for"! It's so fucking easy dude!

Anyway Stan is a jerk.

I loved the way this interlude rolled through different people all watching the same news report. It was a really good way to cover this major story event and let us see how so many other characters were reacting to it.

Also I'm sure all those Slaughterhouse Nine clones aren't going to be an issue later right? Or the fact that there is specifically only one clone of Gray Boy instead of 10 like everyone else? I'm sure that's fiiiiine.

Accord interlude thoughts:

Oh. Oh my. Uhhh. Is it hot in here all of the sudden? Anyone else feel that? No? Just me?

sweats

Oh ok Citrine definitely feels what I'm feeling. She knows what's up.

Just like. Look. Accord is bad ok. Not just cause he's a villain but clearly he'll kill for the smallest cause. And he's in a spot to fuck with my daughter and her polycule so like. Yes. He's bad. I do not like him. I want him to leave. I don't think they should work with him . . .

but . . .

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT PLEASE ACCORD I LOOK GREAT IN PURPLE AND I LOVE DRESSING FANCY AND I'M VERY GOOD AT BEING PROPER I WON'T MESS UP AT ALL I'LL BE THE PERFECT MINION PLEASE!

. . .

cough

Soooo anyway. How about that Butcher huh? That sure is a wild power. Instantly made me think of Glaistig Uaine's power. Very different but reaches into that same base bit, the idea that some part of a dead parahuman can be held onto.

Also holy shit Skitter was so badass in this scene I loved it.

Holy shit Accord is with Cauldron. Or at least closely aligned. And like of course he is it makes so much sense. He's too useful for them to ignore.

I am really curious to see what Accord's power does when he's confronted with a really complex problem. End of the world, doors to another dimension, higher dimensional beings, all that jazz.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Not gonna lie, this whole thing really sucks. I think I wrote a message awhile back about the very cool feminist angle of the Plus Global Auditions Invitation video, I'm an SNL Army and was new to watching kpop very closely and was so sold by that video. I thought - 'this company is really different.' Going public with a company f*cks a lot of things up, it happens all so often, and often it's the people and the ethos that gets messed up the most. It's frustrating to see this devolution. Because I was really excited by what MHJ was being given space to do at BH/Hybe. Though, as a fellow art school student, I am shaking my head and serious side-eyes at how she says things like 'I'm an artist, I don't know how to read contracts' (obviously I'm paraphrasing) - it's clear Hybe knows she's got the goods but she's not playing by their game anymore. The response and flood of crazy comments and hate at BTS is frustrating but expected, but just such a waste of time all the same. I've also never thought BH and then Hybe were super super smart and long-gaming everything (don't come for me Bangtan U fans) I think they were lucky and scrappy and skillful and making cool things happen moment to moment. Later on they got better at the strategic planning, sure. I don't know. They may need a good kick in the pants to remember that's what makes them great at what they do. But still, I hate the idea of MHJ being cooked even if she seems like a real pain in the tush to work with. Because technically, she's what got me to really buy-in to what BTS & BH were doing in the first place.

***

Yeah, it's a shitty situation.

To be fair, I think at the start, Bang PD was trying to do something different and 'forward-thinking' with HYBE. He sought out good talent going by the hires he did in 2019/2020, managing to onboard creatives like Min Heejin and Zico. Zico already incorporated his company to manage himself before Bang PD approached him, which is probably why he owns ~24.5% of KOZ - his sub-label in HYBE.

But with Min Heejin...

She had partnered with 250 - a popular DJ in Korea and NewJeans' main producer, since she left SM in 2018. He runs BANA (a creative collective) but she'd wanted her own label since the start.

Bang PD knew this, and wanted her for HYBE, so it's likely he made all sorts of promises to get her on board without awarding her a single share. Almost as soon as key creative decisions had to be made post-Global Plus audition, they both clashed, but HYBE as a company was less than 1 year old and it appears Bang PD and MHJ still had good relations... which was kinda easy since he still needed her creative output and wanted to see what she could do. So they let her make her own label: ADOR, and keep NewJeans even though according to Min Heejin, HYBE executives and Bang PD thought her concept and style of music for them would be impossible to sell to k-pop stans.

They expected NewJeans to fail or flounder. Instead, by 2023 NewJeans had become one of the top 5 most valuable k-pop IPs in Korea. If my guess is right, by that point she had no shares in ADOR, no agreement with HYBE's indefinite non-compete clause. She could walk anytime and I'm sure a lot of people wanted her.

Then HYBE approached Min Heejin with the shareholder contract to give her 20% of the company. It's a classic 'carrot and stick'. The carrot was easy to see. Apparently offered her the shares at a very low price, apparently Bang PD even lent her the money to buy it, for a valuation that HYBE considered more than generous, he was in her KakaoTalk chats buttering her up with those godawful emojis lmaooo. He was selling that shit hard. The stick in the contract was the poison pill which essentially tied her to HYBE for as long as they want her.

Perhaps she was aware of the pill and signed any way because at that point they still had good relations with Bang PD and HYBE in general. But according to her, Bang PD kept wanting more control over NewJeans the more successful the group became. Realizing she had to do something about the poison pill, she sought to negotiate, and as is typical in these sort of situations, you fight greed with more greed.

Asking to bump up the multiple on the options from 13x to 30x is frankly ridiculous. For a male CEO I can see it being considered... maybe, but for a woman? In Korea?

I'm sure when the other suits at HYBE heard that's what she was asking, at least one of them almost had a stroke. The logic is simple though: start crazy high and end.. just high. If HYBE was looking to exert more control over NewJeans (for example, every sub-label and group in HYBE changed to using 'bio-paper and ink' for their albums starting in 2023, to help HYBE meet their ESG targets. The only company that's not made the switch yet, is ADOR. Given how carefully MHJ controls branding and album design for NewJeans, I can see this minute detail being a massive thorn lol)... anyway, if HYBE was indeed looking to gain more control, the fact that they'd have to pay 30x if MHJ exercised her options on a whim, would serve as a very strong deterrent.

Given what I understand Korean corporate culture to be like, I doubt she had any friends in upper management to start, but with a demand like that, practically all of them would turn enemies in a heartbeat. It's the sheer audacity lmao. My guess is she would've eventually negotiated down, at least once she was assured real creative independence from Bang PD. But at some point, rather, quite predictably given this is corporate Korea, the need for control and the egos involved decided she had to be cut loose now and perhaps taught to not bite the hand that feeds her.

It's not a sentiment limited to the suits at HYBE. It's followed her since SM and the general public would hate it too, which is one reason I think it's only a matter of time before the narrative switches again to HYBE's favour. I promise you, most regular men in Korea would go red in the face, eyes bulging out their heads, drool and spit shooting out like projectiles, at the thought she would dare to demand such a thing. And in a way they'd be right. It's an insane amount of money for female creative in Korea, but I think given everything else, it also seems like a gamble she was taking as a means to an end. A simple negotiating tactic, given what she keeps highlighting as her main goal - unimpeded and full creative and managerial control.

Bang PD wants to build a 'forward-thinking' company comparable to Western conglomerate juggernauts like SONY and Warner Music, but I don't think these Korean men have the chops to do it right, just yet. I've had that impression of Bang PD for a few years now. He's been getting results, but they are inconsistent and he's got the biggest 'surety' in a sense with BTS, so he's been fine, and will continue to be fine for a few more years at least. But if they are messing up this spectacularly with their first female executive and one of their most valuable IPs, over... an options price negotiation?

And they want to pretend to be better than any other corp in Korea?

Lol.

Anyhoo.

I sympathize a bit with how you feel, but as a Korean woman, I guess I'm numb to it. There's a reason I've never chosen to work in that country, there's a reason why the birth rate is nearing the negatives. It's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry you're seeing a prior expectation you had getting blown up this way. And this latest hatefest on BTS has been quite ugly and isn't near done yet. This whole situation is gross, and even more so when the motivations behind it are so... banal and backwards.

But these are undercurrents that are too simple and boring for the average stan. Burning the witch who is responsible for masterminding the demise of a virtuous group is far more exciting. And so that's how the story will go.

I just hope that by some miracle, NewJeans turns out okay and manages to thrive after this. Because in all of this mess, they will deal with the implications the most and for the longest time.

[cxhleel108]

LITG S8 Thots for this week: I love winning!

(Fusebox hasn’t proven me wrong often…damn near at all, but oh do I love when they do!)

• Ok but his body kinda tea I’ll give him that.

• Also do I spy a Libra tattoo??? LIBRA GANG STAND TF UP!!!♎️♎️♎️

• Luna really just want every man in here except her own like damn bitch just give Jin to me since you so open to change😭😭😭

• The spat being us disagreeing on one thing for maybe 30 seconds and then Oakley immediately apologizing to and worshipping me like ok girl, sure.

• Keep trying all y’all want I’m not turning on my man😑😑😑

• We not doing this again uh uh.

• But also…HOW DO WE GET OAKLEY IN THESE??? QUICKLY!

• The fact I was finna deny speaking to Hari and then he brings up that he has intel on my man ugh they know how weak I am help💔

• The intel in question being that he was gonna ask us to go exclusive. WOW! WHAT A SHOCKER!

• Theo what I have to say to you couldn’t take any more than 5 seconds. Stop wasting my time PLEASE!

• Oh yes I love when a man acts “playerfully”…

• It was so obvious that the letter was from our partner can we stop being fucking dumb?

• We didn’t emote enough after reading that letter. I needed my bitch to break out into tears while screaming or something!

• They are arguing over the letter omfggg the day that this villa knows peace, pigs will be flying.

• I busted out laughing at this cuz some of y’all were theorizing that Bea was his sister. Do you know how funny that would’ve been if she was😭

• Oh for christ’s sake can Luna shut the fuck UP? I’m so tired of her getting pressed at Jin being flirty with other bitches as if she don’t do the same exact shit. Ho mad cuz he says Bea might be hot but was just begging Hari to give her pussy a taper fade haircut, girl byeeeee!

• Theo finally manned up and admitted he wants me. Woohoo! Can we move on?

• Outfit time!

• Ngl I thought this was gonna look a whole lot more stupid but thankfully it doesn’t. Now as to why they made accompanying shoes that we couldn’t even put on is beyond me.

• Jin stfu😭😭😭

• IGNORE WHAT HARI AND I ARE DOING BAE IS BACK AAAAHHHHHH😝😝😝

• Yes use the good punani powers to distract him sis exactly!

• I’m seriously so glad I didn’t have to wait 20 episodes to see my bookie bear again like y’all don’t understandddd.

• He just got back and he already being messy helpskdmsmasnd.

• I know they ain’t actually shocked that I dropped the rope during tug of war…I already told y’all I am a one dick woman!

• Figures that Bea is the one that’s actually with my man, yet Luna is the one that’s making me wanna smack the shit outta her.

• Outfit time again!

• Say what you want but they are definitely killing the outfit game this season. Another bad bitch fit!

• The fact we can just tell Hari to shut the hell up so we can listen to the other date awww he really shoulda chose another girl to go after.

• Ok I fucks with you Bea! We love real bitches here💯💯💯

• And the fact Oakley recognizes that we would NEVER play those games oh when I tell you we fucking him real good tonight!

• God why am I so evil😭😭😭

• We actually get a private moment and they didn’t hoodwink us this time omg can we get fed like this more often?

• Oooooo wait clock his tea bae! Cuz that actually don’t make no fucking sense like how you out of practice for 2 years and suddenly you pulling out romantic ass stories just cuz you meet one bad bitch on Love Island?

• Oh lord someone duct tape Luna mouth shut before she start another yap fest.

• To clarify, when I say “you both” I’m referring to Oakley and his donk. Sorry Hari!

• Mind you the stuff that’s supposedly gonna change my mind about him is finna be some shit like “Instead of buying you a box of chocolates, he said he was gonna get you a giant teddy bear and a bouquet of roses and carnations.” Like can y’all cut this shit out it do not be gagging us anymore😕

• Because of course as soon as y’all bring me my baby daddy back you take him away again…

• Welp, loyal girlies I guess it’s time for us to suffer for another 2+ weeks!

[ofsappho]

Heartless, Chapter 5

🔞 Simon “Ghost” Riley x reader 🔞

Fake marriage/marriage of convenience, SMUT

-

You get into trouble and Ghost disciplines you for it.

CHECK TRIGGER WARNINGS/TAGS UNDER READ MORE

-

TRIGGER WARNINGS: in the first part of this chapter, homophobic slurs (fag, faggot) and insults are tossed around. From an inconsequential side character towards Soap. I want to note that I myself am queer/nonbinary, and I have been harassed/attacked/bullied for being queer. Additionally, this scene is directly inspired by real events. A friend of mine, who is queer + nb AND is a veteran, got into a fight during their service with another Marine on their base for saying vile homophobic shit. My friend dropped the guy in an instant. My friend knows I am interpreting their story in this chapter, and they approve.

SMUT TAGS: degradation (a lot of it), humiliation, spanking, bondage, dumbification, edging, spit kink, dacryphilia, bratting/brat taming, choking, face slapping, praise kink, overstimulation, squirting, care taking (tbc next chapter!). Knife kink. All consensual. By degradation, I mean degradation in the context of the smut.

Everything goes wrong like this:

You’re out with Ghost and Johnny to explore the base. 

They show you the fields where people like to play soccer. “It’s football,” your friend insists in his thick Scottish brogue. Ghost agrees with a grunt like the traitor he is.

Your heavy, exasperated sigh draws out chuckles from them both. “I’ll stop calling it soccer on the day you beat us at football.” And you don’t even like football. But fuck the British if they think they can get one over you. Well, the British and Scottish. Whatever.

The two of them start chattering- correction, Johnny chatters, and Ghost genuinely listens, you can tell, about sports and teams, and you regret bringing up the topic at all because you can barely follow.

What’s the difference between Manchester City and Manchester United? Isn’t that, like, the same thing?

As your husband discusses a recent game, a few guys kick around a ball, and some people smoke a few feet outside the designated smoking area. You watch a guy stub out his cigarette on the sign that says not to smoke elsewhere.

You’ve gotten too comfortable referring to Ghost as ‘your husband.’ Hm. You should check that impulse before it spirals into something that might validate Alejandro and Gaz’s conspiracy theories about love at first sight. Gross.

Do you know what else isn’t helping? Ghost’s refusal to let you be alone with them again. He doesn’t try to stop you or interfere, but you can’t ignore him lurking in the background like a little stalker whenever you socialize.

It’s… kind of cute.

Oh, and you finally encountered Roach in the wild. You spotted him in the mess a couple of days back, collecting the randomest assortment of snacks (Cool Ranch Doritos, a pre-workout drink for balance, you guess, a chocolate milk, and three lemon sugar cookie flavored energy bars).

He had on some interesting cat ear headphones, so you just waved and wordlessly gestured that you liked his headgear. He waved back, then shot you a thumbs up.

You tap back into your surroundings. Ghost has wandered into the smoking area to light up, and you might as well join him.

When you stretch out your hand, he plucks a smoke from his pack and places it delicately in your palm. He even lights it for you from a Zippo engraved with skulls, with one scarred hand cupped around the flame to keep it steady.

Johnny wrinkles his nose. “That’s gonna kill you in five years, you ken?” He stands on the other side of the painted smoking area line to hang while letting his disapproval be known.

You take a drag instead of laughing in his face. After all, he was the one who charmed every convenience store clerk at the young age of 17 into buying what he wanted without getting carded, smokes included.

“Since when have you been so health conscious?” You say as you blow the smoke away from Soap’s face.

Ghost does the same without thinking - like he’s stood somewhere and smoked while chatting with Soap enough times to make it a routine.

You envy the easy way they complement each other. You used to be like that with Johnny, and you wish… you want your own routines with your new husband, to know that he goes out into the world and does something different for the rest of his life because of you.

Distance is only natural, you tell yourself. You’re new to their friendship.

But Soap has been one of yours for so long, and Ghost is becoming yours faster than you thought possible. Like a rapacious strangler vine or fungal colony occupying a rotted tree, you find that you’re plotting all the ways you can twist yourself around and into Ghost.

Soap laughs. “Aye, well. You try getting shot a couple o’ times. Am not goin’ down over one of them cancer sticks.”

You hear it just as you tap some of the ash off the end of your cigarette.

“...can’t believe they let those fuckin’ fags…”

You bring the smoke to your mouth to conceal your grimace before turning ever-so-slowly. You’ve learned this lesson many times over; gathering further context is important— no need to bring a knife to a situation that does not call for knives.

The same guy you heard before continues with his little rant.

He’s a miserable-looking dude with a pasty milk face, no defined chin, a bad haircut, and a shitty name tag on his shitty uniform that says ‘Pvt. Langford.’

But somehow, despite lacking any discernible charisma, he holds rapt court with a bunch of other similarly-miserable peeons. “They’re a bunch of pussies, like, it’s pathetic, bro. Gonna give me fuckin’ AIDS or some shit if I gotta be in the same room. Criminal.” By now, he’s seen you watching him.

The corner of his thin-lipped mouth lifts as if he’s said something funny.

Eh. He’s maybe got half of a foot on you. At most. There are worse odds.

Then he slides his smarmy, revolting gaze from you to just over your shoulder, and his smirk grows. He’s looking at Soap.

You’ve seen this exact look before. You know what it means, what nerves motherfucking Langford is trying to trample on.

Before anyone can stop you, you’re across the smoking area and in Pvt. Langford’s face in about five seconds.

-

Soap thinks he’s about as level-headed and reasonable as the average man, but Langford has been getting on his nerves for way too fuckin’ long. For the whole time they’ve been stationed at this base, so, weeks.

Everyone knows Langford is a little shit. Everyone hates him and his bitch boys.

You’re just the first person willing to do something about it.

So while Johnny has never felt the urge to personally handle the Private’s homophobia because swatting flies is beneath him, he’s content to sit back and watch the show.

Naturally, Ghost tries to follow you. You’ve got the poor fellow whipped and wrapped firmly around your little finger.

He supposes he shouldn’t have expected any less.

Soap holds your husband back with an outstretched arm. “Let the lass do her thing,” He advises. You won’t appreciate it, and Soap has no intention of being on the receiving end of your wrath.

Ghost rolls his shoulders back. “Not gonna stop her?”

The Lt. doesn’t know, does he? “D’ya really think ya can?” Even more reason to let you go off. This will be fun and, frankly, a necessary introduction.

Ghost stills. “…” Not so new, then.

What a bloody buzzkill. Now look who’s fussing and clucking? Like a rooster.

Soap watches his teammate flex and crack his knuckles and decides that you owe him for what he’s about to say. “If she needs it, we’ll grab her before it goes too far,” He reassures Ghost before leaning against the ‘Smoking Area’ sign.

It’ll work out one way or another. No big deal.

The scowl on your face as you stare down Langford is somethin’ real ferocious. “What the fuck did you just say?” You demand, voice low and proud and loud enough to catch the attention of everyone in a ten-foot radius.

Langford laughs and tries to play it off. “That’s classified.” Oh, haha. Real fuckin’ original. Like half the girls in town haven’t heard soldiers try that line a million times.

The Army sure didn’t take Private Langford for his brain cells.

Next to him, Riley shifts from foot to foot. “She always like this?” He asks as if the words are throwing themselves against his mask and demanding to be let out.

“Mmm. Since we were wee mates.” From here, Soap can see how viciously you throw your cigarette to the ground and grind out the lit ember with your heel like the poor thing did something to you.

“No. Say it again,” You snap, cracking the sentiment over Langford’s thick head like you’re breaking a chalkboard in two.

Ghost stiffens up even further, and behind the mask, his eyes glint in the sunlight like that flame you just put out.

Is it possible that he’s…  impressed by you? “Go on. I just want to make sure that I heard you correctly. That we all heard you correctly,” You say icily.

Global warming would be solved in a day if they could translate your tone into real ice.

Watching Langford take a small step back without realizing it is funny as hell. Even his minions have backed away as your aura of menace sets off their self-preservation instincts with the subtlety of a pulled fire alarm.

Lt. Riley’s eyes narrow as he memorizes your scowl and how you crowd Langford forward without letting up. “Spitfire.” Damn. That’s some bloody high praise coming from him.

Heh.

Riley’s hood can’t hide the shadowy hickies on his throat; one would think that Ghost has realized it by now.

Are those teeth marks he spots? “You sound surprised. Figured she was teachin’ ya that already,” Johnny leers.

Ah, the expression he can make out under the skull mask. He wishes he had a camera so he could show you later.

Ghost closes his eyes for a long moment. “Shut your face.”

Across the way, Langford musters up a little courage. “Aw, are you mad? Did I make you mad ‘cause I spoke the truth, snowflake? Did those faggots get to you already?”

In the aftermath, even the birds stop chirping.

“Fighting words. Surprised you’re not out there with her,” Ghost says.

Only a fool would think the Lieutenant is relaxed right now; Johnny can tell that his breathing has slowed, that he’s holding perfectly still with an unbreaking focus on his prey.

That’s part of how Ghost manages to disappear in broad daylight. When those subtle signs of life go away, it’s easy to overlook him, unsubtle mask and all. 

He’d best save it for the field, but that’s none of Johnny’s business.

You two are so well-suited. “That’s the thing. About bein’ her friend. That bird- that bird’s a psycho.” If your marriage outlasts the bets everyone’s placed on an irrevocable breakdown, Soap figures he could make a killing on a matchmaking side hustle.

You take a deep breath. “I didn’t hear the truth. I heard a bunch of yapping from a little boy who a recruiter conned into signing his life away to lick the boots of his COs because he was a complete waste of resources otherwise.”

Yikes.

Occasionally, Johnny regrets quitting. He regrets quitting now, specifically; he could use the calming rush of nicotine. You’ve never ended fights in a good way, but this will end… spectacularly badly. He can see it already.

Ghost lets out a low whistle. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Then the Lieutenant looks around, and Soap realizes he’s checking for their Captain or any other superior officer.

Soap was planning on doing that anyway, and your new husband wins another point of approval in his book for thinking of it on his own.

“Pretty nice though, canny lie. Who else d’ya know that would fuck up a man for you without hesitatin’?” He says as he watches you open your mouth again.

“How does it feel to know you’re just that worthless?” Your voice rises and rises, acrid enough to melt paint, and it keeps Langford frozen in place.

“How long have you known her?” Lt. Riley asks.

“Eh… give or take sum’ ten years, prolly.”

“She like this the whole time?”

You go in for another round. “Thank God you’re not deployed anywhere important. It would be like the Bay of fucking Pigs all over again.” You’re close enough to spit on the Private, right fuckin’ close to his sallow face, and as your lip curls up, Johnny knows you’re definitely considering it.

Anger thrums in the air as bitter as gunpowder; it’s infecting Lt. Riley, churning in his posture, and it’s (unfortunately) starting to break through Langford’s shock.

“Aye. Never seen a law, or a rule, or a fuckin’ polis stop her. It’s nice not to fight alone, an’ if she had her way, I wouldn’t have lifted a finger in school.” He pauses, then looks at Ghost.

Johnny picks his following words with care. “Bet that one could carry the world on her shoulders if we’d let her. You know that she’s taken to you right quick?”

And then…

“Shut the fuck up, you dumb whore. Who even are you? Some slut whose only accomplishment is spreading your legs for a uniform? I’m not afraid to hit a little girl.”

Fucking Langford. Way to ruin a moment between mates, when Soap was just trying to help you.

God knows you need it; Lt. Riley is a piece of work.

The other man puts out his cigarette.

Now Soap has to think about how many soldiers he needs to threaten into silence after Ghost is through and how Soap will hide Langford’s body once he gets the final hit. “Lieutenant-“

They start moving in tandem, trying to get to you as fast as possible, like sharks circling after tasting blood in the water.

“Yeah, well, that’s funny ‘cause ‘little girl’ is what your mom calls me when we fuck,” You jeer before raising your hand.

Johnny loves you a lot, but man, do you make stupid choices sometimes.

-

Private Langford stumbles to the ground like a little bitch.

Damn. You didn’t backhand him that hard, and you’re not wearing any rings.

You can take a slap way better.

You stand over him as he clutches his face, practically cowering on the ground, and your knuckles are stinging, and all you feel is the adrenaline flash-flooding through your veins like cocaine or a really good fuck.

And then- strong, immovable arms clasp around your waist and yank you away.

Your hair’s in your eyes, and you can’t tell who’s holding you back, but whoever they are… you’re gonna make them regret it.

“Fuck you!” You howl at Langford, kicking and thrashing against the stranger’s grip.

You try to get an elbow in the side of whoever it is, but they evade it with ease. “Let go of me! I’m going to fucking kill you, you inbred motherfucker!” You scream as Langford gets to his feet.

The stranger carries you a few steps back and eliminates your chances of getting your nails in Langford’s face.

You redouble your efforts to free yourself. “Let me go! Let me at him! I’ll rip his fucking head off!”

The person shakes you like a rag doll. “Calm down. Calm the fuck down, lass. It’s me, Johnny. Stop your fucking fighting,” Soap hisses.

Oops. You stop moving all at once, causing Soap to almost drop you.

The adrenaline levels off, leaving you empty, and you drag breath after breath into your lungs to make up for it.

You shove your hair behind your ears just in time to watch Ghost put Langford in a headlock with beautiful, immaculate, careless ease.

It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him take anyone down, and it takes away the breath you just found. Like, your mouth goes dry, and you forget Soap is restraining you.

Just… holy shit. He moves like the hand of God, eyes flashing and skull mask fierce.

Langford blacks out the same second Ghost gets his arm around the other man’s neck, crumpling to the ground like a chewed-up paper doll.

Oh. Oh no.

Now you understand why Soap keeps you in place because Ghost tosses Langford’s unconscious body to the side without blinking twice and then beelines straight. towards. you.

Your hands push and hit Johnny’s arms. You need to- you need to run this time, get away, and get out of Ghost’s path.

Flee. You need to flee before he unpicks you with his teeth and eats your fucking bones like a fairy tale monster.

God fucking damn it, why won’t Soap let you go?

A rush, you can’t breathe, oof, your stomach hurts, have you been swept onto Ghost’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes?

The upside-down sight of his very well-formed ass in his jeans tells you that, yes, you are hanging from his shoulder as he takes you to a secondary location.

All the blood in your body surges to your head. “Ghost. Ghost, let me down,” You tell him, voice jostling with each step he takes.

No reaction.

If you could just breathe, an action obstructed by his stupid shoulder jabbing into your stomach, and clear the fuzz from your mind (thanks hanging upside down!), you’d make him regret this.

“Put me the fuck down. I’m not fucking kidding.” Again, nothing.

If anything, Ghost actually tightens the hold he has on your hips, accurately predicting that you’re seconds away from kicking him.

Fuuuuuck this. “PUT ME DOWN, YOU OAF. I AM YOUR WIFE, YOU CAN’T JUST-“ You try to be as loud as possible, so maybe someone will hear and save you? Or irritating enough to make him set you on the ground?

Ghost keeps walking. “No,” He tells you before digging fingers into the back of your thigh. It’s painful, and you inadvertently shut your mouth, teeth grinding together. For now.

“I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T SET ME DOWN THIS INSTANT-“

Once Ghost unlocks your front door, he shoves it open viciously with his boot and locks it behind you without letting you go.

You fully expect him to unceremoniously drop you on the bed, but he- he doesn’t.

He pulls you into his arms like a husband carries his wife on their wedding night and lays you down gently.

Then he backs away as if burned by your skin, backs all the way to the other side of the room.

Shit. Shit. You’re in trouble. You’re in so much trouble, Ghost leans against the wall and crosses his arms, and you can’t meet his gaze; you can only look at his shoes.

He sighs. “You know what’s gonna happen next. Nod if you know.”

You nod, still looking at the ground, and feel the humiliation and anticipation trying to strangle each other in your stomach.

“If you don’t want it, you need to get the fuck outta my sight. Right now. I can’t look at you,” Ghost tells you.

You’re not sure how to find the right words. Do you want to beg? Resist? Ask him if he’s proud of you? You end up shaking your head in a negative and propping yourself up on elbows planted firmly in the bed.

He doesn’t say or do anything for a few minutes. You know he can see you squirm, how your fingers flex and feet tap the ground.

You pick yourself off the bed and walk towards him like a moth drawn to a flame.

Ghost moves as soon as you cave. He plants his large hands on your shoulders and pushes you back, back, back, until your back slams into the wall with his body boxing you in.

Before your head can hit the wall, he slides his palm around the back of your skull to cushion you.

He braces that same arm on the wall as he speaks. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some stupid shit.” You’re not really listening because his flexed bicep is right there, above your head, and he has to tap your cheek to get you to focus.

You look up into Ghost’s mask and his eyes- his eyes burn, greedily eating up your blush and your throat bobbing as you swallow your nerves.

His other hand trails along your neck and then wraps around it. “Thought you were s’posed to be smart. My smart, clever girl,” Ghost croons, all condescending like he’s talking to a misbehaving animal.

Then his voice deepens to a sound that’s just a touch inhuman. “You could’ve gotten hurt. That fuckin’ wanker almost laid a finger on you.”

Your heartbeat pounds fast, screaming in your chest. “I got him first,” You point out.

Ghost’s eyes crinkle at the ends. “That you did. You were brilliant there, love, won’t deny it.” Here’s where your flush brightens, where the praise makes you look away. “I see that went straight to your pretty little head.”

He falls silent when your tongue darts out to wet your lips.

“But oh my fuckin’ god. You can’t go ‘round gettin’ into fights like that.”

“It was for Johnny,” You protest weakly. You don’t regret a single thing, but you find yourself caving at the slightest pressure.

The hand on your throat tightens, not tight enough to do anything other than remind you that you’re his. “I don’t bloody care if it was for Jesus Christ himself. Nothing is more important than you. Than your safety,” Ghost amends.

But you heard him. Nothing is more important than you, he says.

Why does he care?

Ghost sees the fight flare up in your face. “Listen to me. Nothing. Not Soap, not me. You- you are…” He’s supposed to be scaring you right now. He’s meant to be reading you the Riot Act, and the part you play is the frightened doe he teaches a lesson to.

You’re scared for a whole different reason.

Ghost is looking at you, looking through you, and it’s like you’re a little girl again, learning that the only time people give a fuck is when you do something for them.

‘Nothing is more important than you’ plays over and over in your mind.

He lets go of your throat to grab your hand, the one you hit Langford with, and his gaze drops to your reddened, bruised knuckles.

When he talks, his voice sounds odd, like he’s shaking the rust off his vocal cords. “Fuck. I was so-“ Ghost cuts himself off.

His fingers are gentle with your fingers. He turns them over, runs his thumb along your palm. You’re not used to people touching you like that.

You find your words as fast as you can. “What? You were so what?” You challenge him.

You feel him drop your hand in favor of digging his fingers into your jaw. “You’ve talked a lot today, doll. The next thing you say better be a fuckin’ apology.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That’s how you wanna play this?” Ghost asks, eyes flat and unreadable.

You let him apply more pressure so your mouth lolls open, you let him think he’s got you. “Yep.” Then you poke your tongue out and lick the side of the finger pressed into the corner of your lips.

“Another stupid choice,” He tells you before letting go.

He wears holsters strapped on his back and jeans, and for the first time, you’ll get to meet what he keeps in them. “See, I was gonna be nice. Was gonna… fuckin’, I dunno, say some sappy shit, be real sweet, make sure you were okay…” Ghost says matter-of-factly as he finds a single-edged switchblade that is definitely illegal for civilian carry.

There are rules for that sort of thing. The blade is an inch too long, and that popping mechanism was outlawed in 1958.

You know that he keeps bigger knives on him, ones that look like they violate the Geneva Convention. In comparison, this is small fry.

Ghost deliberately pinches the collar of your shirt between his fingers. “But you’re gonna be a bitch about this, aren’t you? I’m gonna have to get it through your thick fuckin’ skull?” He asks, moving far slower than he’s capable of, slow enough that you can stop him if you want to.

You hear yourself pant desperately, you look at him with wide, vulnerable eyes, then hold perfectly still so that he won’t nick you.

The tip of the sharpened knife pokes a tiny hole in the fabric. “Hope you’re not too attached to these, doll,” Ghost tells you before slicing a clean line down the middle.

It’s cold in your bedroom, you had the air conditioner running earlier, and you blame your instinctual shivers on that instead of the need brewing under your skin (and between your legs).

When he pulls the tattered remnants of your shirt from your shoulders, you let him.

Your bra goes next. A swift rip and then your tits hang free and bare, nipples already beginning to harden.

He makes sure to click the blade back into the handle before reaching out to caress the heavy swell of your breasts, unable to resist stroking your soft skin even when he’s mad.

You picked a good day to wear a skirt that falls just past your ass with a hemline that dances teasingly around your thighs. To be clear, it’s not a good day for your skirt itself.

When the blade comes out again, Ghost cuts your skirt with steady fingers that brush your curved stomach.

Then he slips the knife between your underwear and your skin, carefully aiming the sharpened edge out so you feel the cool metal press into your heated skin without risking an accidental cut.

He doesn’t react to how your panties stick to your cunt when he takes them off you, most likely to deprive you of the satisfaction of any reaction at all.

You see part of his balaclava twitch, and after a moment, you realize he’s raising an eyebrow.

Right. Shoes. You kick them off with far too much eagerness.

He returns the closed knife to its designated holster. It’s very safe of him, very proper.

“I won’t go easily,” You remind Ghost.

He answers by covering your eyes with his hand and kissing you, his mask bunched over his nose and pressing awkwardly into your skin.

Each kiss makes you dizzier, hazier, you forget why you’re fighting, he ravages your mouth with his, and when you moan, it makes him even more feral.

He sinks his teeth into your bottom lip, and you shout at the pain and try to curl away. But the hand over your eyes keeps you in place, and you shudder against him, naked and helpless.

The webbed straps of his chest holster grind into your breasts and leave rough streaks of chafe wherever they touch your skin.

His tongue slips against yours, Ghost tastes like smoke and something uniquely him, it feels like he’s pouring nicotine into your synapses, and your spine relaxes, your muscles soft and compliant.

When you try to bite his lip back, he pulls away without acknowledging your unhappy whine.

“Open your fucking mouth,” Ghost snaps.

You do that and even stick your tongue out for good measure. You might not be able to see him, but he can see the little tease of how good you can be.

You hear him spit before you feel the glob of his saliva land messy and hot on your outstretched tongue. Your legs shift, and you press them together, anything to help with the pressure beginning to build in your core and the arousal trickling down your thigh.

Cloth rustles, and then Ghost removes the hand covering your eyes. His mask is back in place like he never lifted it at all. “Step away. Hands behind your back.”

You turn around on unsteady legs, then put your wrists together behind your back as ordered.

Something unclicks behind you, and then he pulls it off his… pants? His belt - he’s cuffing you with his belt, deftly weaving the nylon strap between your wrists and securing it into place.

As you test the strength and make sure he’s restrained your hands in a way that doesn’t cut off circulation, Ghost gathers your hair and drapes it neatly over one shoulder so it won’t bother you.

He touches your back and neck with an almost unbearable fondness. Fuck.

You feel him kiss your shoulder through the mask, closed-mouthed and chaste. “This isn’t coming off until you’re ready to behave,” He murmurs into your skin before sliding an arm around your waist, pulling the mask down, and biting the place he just kissed.

You struggle and twist in his grasp, but he holds fast, and you slump into him with a pained moan. Is he trying to fucking brand you? It sure feels like it.

When Ghost releases you, he turns you around with a hand on your bound wrists and then walks backward faster than you can keep up.

Then he sits on the bed as proudly as a king on a throne and beckons for you.

Without your arms free to help you balance, you stumble a few times, and Ghost watches you with a pleased glint in his gaze. That may be the point.

By the time you get to him, you’re thoroughly unbalanced. “Come on. Yeah, over my lap.” You kneel without complaint, too busy avoiding eating shit to consider resisting.

He helps you lower your torso with an arm placed below your collarbones and a hand flat on your stomach so you don’t face plant into the sheets.

“Are you going to-“ You feel him guide your hips up, encouraging you to place most of your weight on your face and shoulders.

Conveniently leaving your ass exposed. And- and he can see your dripping folds, see proof that you crave him.

He goes on as casually as if he were describing the weather. “Spank you? Yes, I am. A slag like you can’t see reason, obviously. Got to train it in ya.” You practically jump out of your skin when you feel him drag a finger along the inside of your thigh, tracing the rivulets of slick trickling from your pussy.

You feel like a thing, like putty in his hands that he can bat about and talk to like you’re not even there.

“Don’t act like you don’t fucking get off on this. Be honest. Or are you too stupid to do that?” Ghost asks as if he’s just remembered that you can answer questions.

You clench around nothing and desperately wish he’d take that finger playing with the sensitive skin of your thighs, and do something useful with it. “…I do.”

“There’s my needy girl.” He neatly fists a hand in your hair, somehow mindful that you won’t appreciate losing a few strands without you telling him.

His free hand caresses your ass, then up and down the backs of your thighs. You feel him grab one cheek tightly, grinding down with his fingers so he can see red marks bloom under his touch.

You jerk forward with a cry when he hits you the first time, though the hand in your hair keeps you from going very far. Ghost doesn’t spank you hard, more of a warning tap than anything.

The shock smarts more than the blow did. But you’re determined to show that you can, in fact, take a hit better than Langford, so you dig your knees in and psych yourself up for the next spank.

“Fuck is wrong with you?” His voice cracks like thunder, then he follows it with another spank.

This one hurts. Hot, hot pain radiates from the spot he hit, but your body wrenches with a different sensation as your body processes that pain as… well… pleasure.

When he spanks you again, he takes the time to force your head further down into the blankets. “Hm? Running your dumb fucking mouth, talkin’ all that big shit?” Ghost snaps at you.

Each time he spanks you, you cry out, your eyes roll back, and it hurts, and he keeps hitting the same spots, so even when he isn’t touching you, you’re sore. 

Another set of blows, each one harder than the last.

You gotta- you gotta tell him- you push back against his grip, and he lets you lift your head. “God, Ghost, please-“ Your voice is choked-up and pleading, mirroring your thighs trembling with want and your aroused, needy core that he’s fucking ignoring.

He slaps your ass again, this time right where your ass cheek meets your thigh, close but not close enough.

“Please, what? Please, what, doll? Come on. Dumb little doll doesn’t know how to talk?”

Your breaths are ragged, labored, you’re shivering and there’s so much pain that you can’t tell where it stops and where the want begins.

“Harder-“ You cut yourself off with a gasp when he does just that.

That one burns. That one feels like an open flame, like Ghost’s touch is burrowing into your muscles, down down down, like it will leave a lingering mark that you don’t want to fade.

He rubs over your heated skin, massaging away the worst of the soreness. “You’re welcome. Now listen to me,” Ghost speaks in a low, reassuring tone like he’s gentling a startled animal.

He notices the exact moment you get lost in the feeling, when you push back and fucking present yourself in the hopes that he’ll give you more.

Then he cracks his hand against your ass; the sound is louder than your answering shriek. “Listen. You are going to apologize for almost getting hurt. You’re going to mean it. You’re going to swear you’ll never get into a fight again.” Ghost tightens his hold on your hair and twists his wrist to push your face back into the bed, taking back the advantage he granted.

“Or what?” You won’t be able to sit comfortably for a week at least, the ache and the bruises forming have you strung out for the tiniest scrap of pleasure… but you did tell him you wouldn’t go easily.

“Or…” Ghost trails off slowly. Your scalp begins to tingle as his grip grows even tighter.

It’s so painful that you almost miss the two thick fingers he slips into your pussy. Almost.

“Fuck!” You keen, your mouth open as your nails dig into your palms.

He thrusts them into you slowly, lazily, totally unsympathetic to your pleading noises and your muscles quivering around his fingers as he drags them in and out of you.

Your cunt has to stretch to accommodate them, and he grinds into you each time he gets knuckle-deep. And then he holds your head down like you don’t get the privilege of looking at him… Your pussy clenches around him at the thought.

Eventually, Ghost stops moving at all, but you’re gone, you’ve been gone, and when you start fucking yourself on his hand, he lets you.

You can tell he’s rock hard, you can feel his dick through his jeans, but he has far more willpower than you could even imagine, and brushing up against it does nothing. “Oh- oh my god, fuck, that feels…” You pant as you chase the sweetness, chase the tension twisting up your guts that’s so close to boiling over, so close.

Your clit is aching, screaming for pressure, for stimulation, but he doesn’t grant it to you. You can only work your hips against his hand, over and over.

Your eyes close as you speed up, you’re whining, you’re gonna come any second, your cunt can’t stop twitching. “I’m so close, wait what-“

Ghost pulls his fingers out before you tip over the edge.

“Or you’re not coming tonight,” He informs you, and you can hear the stupid fucking grin in his stupid fucking voice.

When you try to protest, to get up and fucking bite him or some shit because that’s not fair, Ghost spanks you with the hand you soaked.

You’re sort of blissed-out, sort of pissed, and a lot horny. “I’m sorry-“ You start in the hopes that Ghost will fold and give you what you fucking want.

His mask rustles as he shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”

Then he slides you off his lap like you weigh nothing so he can stand.

Ghost keeps you in the same position, head down, ass up, and nudges your thighs open a bit wider.

You can’t see him through any of this. That seems to be something he’s taking full advantage of. You can’t touch him, you have no idea what’s happening next.

The only clue you have that he’s taken his mask off again is when he puts his tongue on your sensitive, aroused clit.

(He really should just take the damn thing off more regularly. This is inconvenient, and it’s not like there’s anything under there that could make him less attractive.)

He laps at your swollen folds with his hands on your hips to steady you, and the thoughts melt straight out of your head and drool from the corner of your mouth.

You struggle against the belt in earnest this time, maybe you can loosen it enough to slip your hands out and get away from Ghost and his planned torment. As much as your body pleads to stay put, as much as you want to push yourself back and let him consume you, let him fuck you stupid with his tongue, you know it will end soon.

And he’s going to be fucking mean about it.

Ghost takes his breathing break as an opportunity to taunt you. “You’re not goin’ anywhere,” He promises, leaving handprint bruises on your thighs.

Your stomach churns as he sucks on your clit, like there’s a knife slicing through you, and it’s the hot, burning pleasure pulsing through your body.

You’re not sure you can hold yourself up any longer, your knees waver like you’re a baby deer, and oh God, you’re going to come again, you can feel the spasms in your cunt grow stronger and stronger.

The beginnings of your orgasm tremble through your muscles, so close that you can taste it, you feel it throbbing with every beat of your heart.

He keeps sucking, his wet mouth relentless and dragging you painfully to the edge of the cliff. “Ghost, please, please let me- Fuck!” You wail as he backs off. 

Tears well in your eyes as the tremors fade into nothing.

You get yourself upright before he can stop you. “Why are you being such a dick?” You blurt out, lurching forward on your knees like if you can get to him, you can do… something. You’re not sure what, other than that you want to kill him.

Ghost blinks a couple of times.

In the silence that follows, the deadly, threatening silence, you realize your mistake. “Just- just let me come, I’ll be good. I promise. Just wanna come.” You beg, you sit down and tilt your head up like a dog doing a trick, and you pray he gives you grace.

He gets his hand around your throat faster than a snake striking its prey. This time, Ghost squeezes the sides hard enough to make you see white lights. “I am being a dick,” He agrees congenially. “But that’s not what you need to say, is it?”

“…no,” You mumble.

The next thing you feel after he releases you is his palm meeting your cheek. Hard.

“Have I spoiled you that much? You think you can fuckin’ ignore me?” Ghost sounds so calm, so authoritative.

After the ringing in your ears clears, you’re proud to see that you’re still upright. “No, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” You stretch your jaw a few times to release the ache from his slap.

He hunches over, puts his hands on his knees, and gets right in your face. “Oh, but you did,” Ghost whispers. 

There’s something about the fogginess clinging to your eyelashes and the inside of your ears and the folds of your brain that makes his skull mask seem more than real.

A hovering specter of exposed bone, hollow eye sockets with no end, and a gaping, horrifying maw.

You’re starting to understand why people call him Ghost and mean it.

Your mouth goes dry. “Please, I’m begging you,” You whimper, eyes round with awe and flustered blood rising in your cheeks.

He nods, and you swear there must be hearts in your eyes at his approval. “Mm. I like that. Beg again.”

“Ghost. Husband. I’ll be so good. Anything. I’ll do anything. I can’t take it, I need to come so badly.” You lean forward to touch your forehead to his, making yourself as obedient as possible. For the most part.

“That’s not an apology.” Then he sighs, long and drawn-out and aggravated. “Anything, you say?” Ghost asks.

“Y-yeah.”

“Alright. You can come…. When you promise not to fight. And you’re gonna wait until you do,” He tells you as he slips his hand between your slick thighs.

“No…” You moan. He’s doing it again, torturing you again, you just want to give up, you feel him play with your throbbing clit, and it hurts so good.

Ghost clamps a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to roll your hips against his hand. “Sounds like you weren’t listening. Now that makes me think you don’t care.” Shit. Shiiiiit. He pushes a single finger into you, and you collapse into him as you start to ride it, hips jerking unconsciously.

He laughs when he hears you squeal. “You’re just a mindless whore who’d let half the fuckin’ base run through you, aren’t ya?” He’s found your g-spot, he rubs the patch of ridged flesh inside your cunt over and over.

Sweat beads on the back of your neck and drips down your spine, your fucked-out gaze can hardly focus on him, you feel like you’re burning alive in your skin.

“Don’t even need me at this point…” He circles your clit one more time and your mouth hangs open and you want to beg, but you can’t focus-

Tears fall down your cheeks when he wipes his fingers on your heaving breasts.

“No, no, no, Ghost, I need you. I want you. No-nobody else. I do care, please, you’re the only one,” You sob into his chest, pushing your nose into the fabric of his hoodie because it’s soft and smells like him, warm and like home.

“Yeah?”

You feel him rub your back, then slip a few fingers between the belt and your wrists to test your comfort.

You nod without lifting your head. “I- I was- I’m listening, promise, I can’t- you gotta make me come, don’t want anybody else.” You’re so tired, so worn out. There’s a patch of dampness on his jacket from your weeping, and you let out little high-pitched whimpers like a neglected kitten.

He frees your hands in an instant. “If I gotta repeat myself, I’m gonna leave you here,” Ghost tells you, though his voice isn’t as mean as before.

Your arms cling to his neck as you nuzzle your face into the space below his sharp jaw. “Ghost. Don’t go.” The edge of his balaclava muffles your words, but you don’t have the strength to say them to him straight.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so stupid,” You sniffle before bringing a hand to your nose to wipe a little snot.

Ghost gently knocks your fingers away and replaces them with the edge of his sleeve, delicately cleaning the mucus from your upper lip.

Next, he dries your cheeks with the shadow-black fabric.

You protest when he unhooks your arms from his neck, and your hands scrabble for purchase in the hood of his jacket.

One soft look, his fingers brush your chafed wrists, and you let him lay you down. “Took you long enough,” Ghost quips as he unbuttons his pants and pulls out his dick, mouthwateringly hard and long. He pumps his cock a few times.

You’re in a daze, hovering in that raw space on the other side of crying but wanting him anyways, needing him more than anything.

“Spread your legs, love.”

Ghost leans in like he’s about to kiss you. Then he remembers his mask and changes his mind, having lifted it enough today.

He taps your sensitive clit with the fat head of his cock, and you suppress your shudders, how your legs automatically try to close and get away from the feeling. “I won’t do it again,” You tell him, voice breathless and sweet.

Once he’s coated in enough of your arousal, he keeps one hand flat on your pelvis as he pushes in. “Fuck- fuck, I…” You groan. There’s never any room in your body left for air when he fucks you. Never.

He’s so large that it hurts a little when he’s bottomed out, you can hardly twitch or clamp down like you desperately want because of how fucking full you are.

You can feel every inch of him, you’re on the brink of crying again because all of those denied orgasms are tearing at your insides, and your painfully aroused cunt screams that you can’t take it, that it’s too much, too good, he’s too big.

You have to be good. “Uh, I won’t fight, aah-“ That’s the only thing that gets you to say the words he wants through numb lips, especially when Ghost starts to thrust, and your pussy convulses around him each time.

He moves slowly, really slowly, shallow at first, your tits bouncing in time, and you’re crying out underneath him, so used to all that edging that you subdue your pleasure on instinct.

The slick sounds of his cock sliding in and out are loud and profane, filling the room more than your weak, almost pathetic whines do.

The solid, imposing weight of his body settles you down so you can enjoy his faster, harder pace, and his balls slap against your ass as he fucks you open. “Promise?” Ghost pants, his hands pressing your knees almost to your chest.

He’s looking for something. He moves your legs every few thrusts, opens you up a little more, tilts your pelvis up and-

When his dick catches on your g-spot, your tears cover your cheeks and trickle into your hair in earnest. “Yes, yes, shit, hngh- I promise…” You’re so wet that you can feel it dripping down to the bed and pooling under you, you feel that familiar pressure building, except this time it’s stronger, it’s got a stranglehold on you.

Every time the fly of his pants brushes your engorged clit, your eyes go large and you hiccup, unable to moan properly because it’s like electricity is coursing down your spine.

He kisses the side of your face before nailing that sensitive spot with terrifying, mind-breaking accuracy.

“Come on. You can do it,” Ghost groans, cursing under his breath when you squeeze him so tightly that he almost loses his grip on your thighs.

Oh. Oh. He wants- he’s trying to make you…

“I can’t, I don’t know how, I, I-“ You sob, the pleasure is so intense that you feel nauseous, he’s rutting into your body furiously, and you’re stuck on a horrible knife’s edge of needing to come or you’ll die, but it’s not happening.

He nudges your knee until you wrap one leg around his hips. “It’s alright, love. Let me help you. That’s it, that’s a good girl,” Ghost shushes you before slowing down so he can place his hand on your throat and restrict the blood rushing to your head.

Everything goes sweet and hazy, and you give him a cock-drunk smile in return, eyes rolling back and drool stuck to the corner of your lips.

Once you’re suitably pliant, he slides that hand between you and finds your aching clit. “Just focus on me.” He’s pressing his forehead to yours, you look into his dark, fathomless eyes ringed with pale lashes.

The coil tightens, and you arch into him, gasping and biting down on your lip so hard that you draw blood. 

“Ghost, fuck, can I-“ You beg, voice choked and strung out as his fingers move faster on your clit, circling it in tandem with his cock pounding you so deep that it feels like he never ends.

“Go on. Come for me. I know you can.” Ghost pinches your clit, and you come with a wail, thighs shaking, your cunt seizing and it fucking gushes out of you, you soak his jeans, you clamp down so tightly that he slips out.

He replaces his dick with three fingers slotted right on your g-spot, moving in quick, jerky thrusts to see you through it. “Holy fuck. Did you just…” He mutters as your eyes screw shut, and your nails snag his shoulders. 

You feel like you’re dying, you can’t stop fucking squirting, the waves grow and grow-

Your hips jerk for the last time, and you’re left a whimpering, quivering mess of oversensitive nerves, the last of the aftershocks still simmering in your muscles.

Ghost kisses your forehead as he carefully withdraws his fingers. “You’re too good to me,” He tells you with something like awe in his rough voice.

You slump to the bed, boneless and empty, not even giving a fuck that the sheets are all messy with sweat and… squirt?

That’s new, you think blearily. That kind of shit only happens in porn? Right?

Your head lolls to the side so you can watch him through lidded eyes.

He moves you out of the wet patch with one arm under your back and the other under your knees, then tucks himself back into his boxers.

“Wait… you didn’t- you didn’t come…” Your voice is fucked up and hoarse, and maybe you should give in to the overwhelming urge to sleep, but…

Did he not want to? You did everything he asked.

He shakes his head. “Nah. Don’t need to. You were perfect, you learned your lesson.” He splays a hand out on your stomach, luxuriating in your squishiness.

Your brow furrows. “Ghost…” Then you rub the sweat and crusted tears from your eyes and set your mouth in a mulish, determined line.

He watches you like a hawk. “Yeah?”

“Please? Fuck me?” You ask as you touch his forearm with a weak hand.

A beat passes. “You’re crying. And you drenched me, the bed too,” He tries to reason with you. You see him swallow harshly, you know he’s shifting where he sits because he’s given himself blue balls.

Your eyes flutter when the exhaustion almost gets you, but you power through it. “It’s okay. I- I’m tough. I want you to come.”

“Yeah. Alright… Tough girl.” Then Ghost reaches for your hips with all kinds of enthusiasm that tells you the truth.

It was sweet of him to try and be gallant. You’d rather he break you open and fill you up.

To be extra nice, you even hold your knees apart so he can push back in.

You’re not going to come again, you’re too fried for that, but it still feels… incredible. You’re glad for all the extra lubrication and that you can make him feel good.

Ghost fucks you with abandon, and deep, animalistic groans echo from his throat. “Shit- I could fuck you forever, you’re squeezin’ me so tight, fuckin-“ He grunts, head tilted back the tiniest bit and composure gone.

Breathe, you tell yourself, breathe. Do it for him.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Your swollen pussy spasms from the praise, constricting him so tight that he cries out. You just can’t help yourself when he says shit like that, especially when he’s making you ache in such an addictive way.

His hips move faster. “You like that? You like it when I tell you how good this fuckin’ pussy feels?” Yeah. Yeah, you do.

“Fuck, fuck fuck-“ You feel him orgasm, he paints your walls with his cum, then grinds those last few thrusts so deep that you cry out.

His pelvis bumps the backs of your thighs like he’s trying fuck his cum in as deep as it will go.

Ghost catches his breath as he softens inside you, panting as raggedly as you are.

He pulls out before dropping his chest harness to the side and unzipping his hoodie so he can clean you up.

You can’t stand the thought of anything touching anywhere near your beat the fuck up pussy right now, so you shove his hands away and drag Ghost down to snuggle.

Of course, he obliges you and helps you rest your head on his shoulder as you curl into his muscular frame like a little bug.

“What happens if the fight comes to me?” You ask. 

He’s running a hand up and down your spine, soft touches to bring you back to earth in a gentle, comforting way.

His hand stops until you kick his shin, gently, then he starts up again. “You run,” Ghost says.

“What happens if I can’t run?” You press your cheek into his t-shirt, so close that you can feel the heat of his skin through it. And a little rhythm that must be his heartbeat.

Next, Ghost threads his fingers through your sweaty, messy hair and attentively smooths it away from your face. “You call me. I’ll come get you. Every time.”

-

Hope y'all liked this one! Next chapter will be super soft/sweet/fluffy with lots of caretaking, I promise.

Tagging:

@abbiesxox @thedevillovesflowers @poohkie90 @averyyreads @lialacleaf @backupgal @kitty-satan1 @androgynoushellscape @555ilovecats @pinkwigonmytv @almightywdm @discowizard88 @castielsangelsx @jaymicrosoft @rengokulover96 @copiasratscheese @fluffysmiko @d3athtr4psworld @idesofarch @teenagegever2k22 @badame0224 @toilet-paper-headbands @itsrosebabe @bangirl134 @silverianni @nezukos-number1fan @deadpoetsandhoney @crowsjourney @vanevafu @xxghostyx @rafaelacallinybbay @akaotv @chibijusstuff @wasteland-babe @anubiseqq @lilpothoscuttings @soapyghost @maliceex59 @valdemarismynonbinarylove

[prettyboybuckley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @saybiwithme @bi-buckrights @zainclaw

How many works do you have on ao3?

160

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,070,239

What fandoms do you write for?

I've mostly written for 9-1-1, though I started off with Shameless (6 fics) and I have written some for Teen Wolf (5 fics). There's one 9-1-1 crossover with Schitt's Creek.

Top five fics by kudos:

parents always yelling (telling us to get our acts together)

i just want something to hold on to (and a little of that human touch)

I will come to you (even in my sleep)

open up again (i believe in second chances)

exes and the oh's

Do you respond to comments?

Always, even if it takes me months. I actually just caught up again (there's still a bunch to go, but right now the oldest is 17 days ago instead of 250 days...). It's just a rule I have for myself, and even with the backlog I've kept it up so far, so I'm not going to stop doing it now.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not a big fan of angsty endings, I generally try to at least make it a hopeful ending or, in the case of the college au, use an epilogue to fix things.

But I guess sunny skies & summer highs qualifies as an angsty ending simply because of the cliffhanger (and yes, there is still going to be a continuation, I'm working on it 🙈).

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Choosing one out of 160 is really hard, but I think tell me, will you stay or will you run away is definitely one that deserves a mention here, because it already has a happy ending and then the epilogue just makes it even better 🥰

Do you get hate on fics?

Not commented on the fic itself, no. I've had some people talk shit about my fics on twitter, though, and not even vaguely but calling me by (user)name.

Do you write smut?

Is grass green? Yeah, I write smut 🤭 Thanks to two times kinktober, I have 95 explicit fics, by far the most used rating for my fics.

Craziest crossover:

let's have some fun tonight is my 9-1-1/Schitt's Creek crossover fic for 9-1-1 Rarepair Week, and my only crossover fic

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

My head over feet Buddie valentine's two-parter got posted as one chapter in Wattpad work with over 30 fics once. Filed a DMCA and Wattpad took it down within two hours.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Two of my fics have been translated into Russian afaik, one on ao3 and one on Ficbook

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope. It may be a nice challenge for the future? Not sure who I'd do it with.

All time favourite ship?

Gotta go for Buddie on that one, lol. Especially if you look at my writing history. But I often tend to hyperfixate on one ship at a time (current reading obsession is McDanno)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Buck's POV of if love is art then you might be my masterpiece. I really want to, but at this point it's been two years since the original so I don't know if it'd be worth it either. (I know not everyone was happy about how I ended it, but I doubt any of them are still waiting for more). Writing a different POV of the same fic takes an amount of planning that my brain just really struggles with. And I could pick up where the last chapter (before the epilogue) picks up, but I think that way there would be some crucial information about Buck missing.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told quite a lot of times that I am good at keeping characters, well, in character, even when putting them in partial or complete AU's. Of course, what is in character or not is subjective, but I do always challenge myself to work as much of the canon backstory and personality into who they are in the AU as possible.

And I like to think I'm pretty good at writing smut.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm terrible at pacing, which multiple of my long fics prove. It'll be drawn out first and then suddenly rushing. And being ESL I do struggle with things like sentence structure and grammar pretty regularly still.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

As long as there is some kind of translation provided somewhere I like it, but I'm not so quick to use it myself. Not beyond a few Spanish words here and there (generally pet names between Eddie and his family we've seen on the show or the occasional curse word when I feel it fits better than an English one, but I usually need to employ help from Spanish-speaking friends for those).

First fandom you wrote in?

Shameless! I binged that right before I started 9-1-1 and combined with the creative writing minor I was doing, it was actually what got me back into writing in general and what made me write my first ever fic.

Favorite fic you've written?

My in your arms i feel safe-series (which I always lovingly refer to as the ace kink fic) is definitely one of my favorites simply because of how personal it is to me and for the reason behind me writing it in the first place.

Other strong contenders are i would've loved you forever (it's never enough but i wanted it to be) and i'm begging you, come home to me (Teen Wolf, Thiam)

tagging @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[heyheydidjaknow]

I’m not going to request anything this time, I just want to know your honest opinion about “LawLight”. 

I have never seen as much yaoi content in an anime as in Death Note in my 30 years… I’m sooo old, and maybe that’s why I’m so sick of Tumblr suggesting me these kinds of posts and it has revived my hatred for this “ship”.

I mean, I’m not even sure if those people have watched the same anime as me…

Cartoons are fictional to start with, so buying into this is like double-dipping in make-believe, I don’t know if I’m making myself clear, lol.  I know some people might say… We read ‘x reader’ stories, okay, but we reaaaally know that this is not real, instead of affirming something that doesn’t exist…?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent, hope I didn’t bother you, and that you understood my limited English. 

Greetings from China!

I love Lawlight because I hate Light Yagami and I think he would hate Lawlight irl and any enemy of my enemy is a friend. That said I personally do not know how feasible it is as a ship. Im not anti Lawlight or anything— the fan content for this ship is great— but I do not know that the characters are all that compatible. I would normally leave it at that, but this is a prime opportunity to shit talk Light so I’m taking it. Here are my top ten implied realities of Lawlight which sink the ship in my opinion.

1. It implies that L would date a man he doesn’t even trust enough to believe isn’t a serial killer, which is ridiculous.

2. It implies that Light as Kira would not be so stubborn as to just refuse to be vulnerable with L out of spite.

3. It implies Light Yagami is capable of love.

4. It implies that neither of them wouldn’t view physical intimacy solely as an in to gain information from the other person.

5. It implies that either party would be content with just leaving well enough alone and not trying to destroy each other.

6. It implies that Light would deny his repressed (if you want to be nice) homophobia (which I cannot prove he has but believe he does with my whole entire heart) long enough to allow himself to get with L.

7. It implies that Light (and possibly L) would be cool with Ryuk watching them do couple things, sexual or otherwise.

8. It implies that Misa Amane would not beat the shit out of L for encroaching on her man.

9. It implies that Light would either top or not view bottoming as losing.

10. It implies that Light has the ability satisfy a partner in any way.

That said, their messy hypothetical relationship is undeniably fun to speculate about. Loads of fun fan works have come from the ship, and Light would despise the ship in real life, so who am I to knock it?

[l00na24]

I Got Your Six - Chapter 5

Warnings: Death, some things won't be 100% accurate to reality and are written that way for the sake of the story

Word Count: 9k

A/N: Hello 🤗 First of all I wish everyone a happy new year even if it's a bit late but I hope all of you are doing well and had a great start into the new year! 🥰 I am so sorry it took me sooo long to finally get this chapter finished (after changing it about a million of times because I wasn't happy with it lol), which I had wanted to get out before Christmas but unfortunately I got sick for a few weeks and then real life stuff came up right after 😓 But now it's here and I hope you enjoy reading it with things turning up a notch 😋 And don't worry, the next one won't take that long because I'm already on it! 😉

Also a little part of this chapter was inspired by the original Triple Frontier Script which I totally recommend you to read if you haven't already!

7 days later, 4 PM, Brazil, Jungle (at Lorea’s house)

It was a humid warm and cloudy day when I crept through the various green plants that surrounded me. The typical climate you would expect in a jungle.

Exotic birds occasionally flying high above the treetops and filling the wild and untamed nature with their chirping or insects buzzing around between leaves big enough to cover my body entirely, some smaller ones with the similarity of palms that fit perfectly in the spaces between together with other, more colorful plants or bushes on the ground. Meter long lianas hanging from above that were winding themselves along the branches of some big trees like snakes.

If I wouldn’t be here for a mission, I would take my time admiring every little detail and the peaceful, quiet and yet a tad mysterious atmosphere with the slight fog floating around.

The calm before the storm.

How the ridges of the Andes, completely covered in green nature and shrouded in banks of clouds, ominously greeted us at our arrival. Like they would be announcing a bad omen that was in the air.

Normally I wouldn’t be faced much by anything when it came to a mission besides the flying part but this time I’d been restless as soon as we were on our way to the destination Santiago had given me when I called him a few days ago.

My gut was screaming at me to not do it, to turn as fast as we could and fly back instead but it was too late and I wouldn’t leave them alone in this. I never backed down from a mission. No matter what. And I’d never forgive myself if I did now.

It had been the first warning.

My team and me nearly got caught in the crossfire of some criminals and the local police on our way to the friendship bridge, the signature element of the Triple Frontier, that connected Paraguay to Brazil over the Parana River.

We were slowly driving through the outskirts of Ciudad del Este, the second largest city of Paraguay and a literal hotspot for any crime imaginable thanks to the Triple Frontier connection, the biggest part being the smuggling of a lot of dangerous things. You could practically see on every corner you turned, that the criminals were ruling this place. My trained eyes spotting them from miles away out of the car window next to me or the guns some people were carrying with them, hidden beneath their clothes in hopes nobody would notice, even if they were way too obvious. Drug dealers selling their stuff openly on the street without a care as if it would be an everyday business. The poorest of the poor together with other citizens weaving through the thick traffic between cars.

You should think we would actually change something with our work but looking at this, I understood what Santiago had meant. Nobody was giving a shit about government or authority here, they had their own laws and the police were only bystanders, not able to do anything and probably not even bothering anymore or corrupt to the core.

Just as we were crossing an intersection, suddenly loud sirens started to blare in the distance and only seconds after a sports car nearly crashed with us when it flew by in high speed, the police following close behind.

“Alex! Watch out!” I shouted from the right backseat when I saw it speeding directly at us.

“Oh fuck!” As fast as he could, Alex hit the brakes. The force of it jolting us forward in our seats as we came to an abrupt stop just enough that the car only lightly grazed our front and didn’t crash into us.

In the middle of the chaos that broke out with people screaming and madly running around and vehicles on the street trying to get out of the way, I saw the windows of the sports car rolling down and persons with assault rifles leaning out of them to shoot at the police car.

“Get down! Put your heads down!” I raised my voice even louder before I heard the first shot being fired and made myself as small as I could.

The bullets were flying everywhere, one piercing through our windshield and almost hitting my shoulder if I hadn’t ducked to the side in my seat.

“Is everyone okay?” Luc asked from the passenger seat in the front and immediately looked over to Alex and then behind to me and Mick in the backseats.

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

The boys breathed out after everything seemed to be back to normal like nothing happened and people resumed their ways. The bullet hole the only reminder of what had just transpired.

“What the fuck is wrong with these people?!” I let out with irritation.

“I think they had a slight disagreement with each other.” Mick commented from the left.

That had been the second warning we ignored.

Stalking like a panther through the thick foliage of the jungle, I moved forward to the spot I was supposed to be and grabbed my TAC-50 that was slung around me as I came closer.

When I looked through my scope, a set of two big, black eyes ogled me and I looked up confused, spotting a little black and white patterned gecko sitting in front of its lens on my sniper.

What the heck?

“Hey there, little guy. You should be careful, you could get yourself hurt.” I said and inspected him curiously.

He held eye contact when his tongue darted out and ran along his mouth before he carefully moved across the upside of my gun, over the scope to its long rear where he laid himself flat on his stomach, his tiny feet spread wide from his body and blinked a few times at me and slightly tilted his head.

“You better get down there.” I told him and slowly moved my hand that wasn’t holding the gun to him.

Without moving he still sat there, not letting me out of sight. After another moment of studying me with his big, round button eyes he got up and came toward my hand. Stopping for a moment right in front to look, before carefully climbing with his sticky, nub-like toes onto it.

He was running all over it, in my palm and between my fingers, stopping at some point and dragging his little pink tongue along my skin.

“Did you… just lick me?” I asked him surprised, staring at the little reptile who didn’t seem bothered by me.

He only looked back innocently before he started to advance up my arm to my shoulder.

“Oh, no, no, little guy! You can’t go there!” I slightly panicked, not wanting him to touch or come close to the part of my body that was forbidden to everyone.

Thankfully he stopped as if he understood what I was saying and changed his direction. Moving over to my other shoulder along my front and looking from there at me once he had reached it.

“Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable, hm?” I asked and held my hand at him again, so I could put him on one of the plants around me, waiting till he was back in my palm.

I let him climb on one of the lianas hanging down in front of me.

“Watch your six, little guy.”

Following his movements along it until he turned upside down and looked back at me before I turned around and continued onward. At least a nice surprise for a change.

Brushing past some large ferns, I made my path through the wilderness with a watchful eye on the ground to not fall over tree roots or for any other kind of danger and made sure to take slow steps to not cause any unnatural movement that potentially could be spotted.

As I reached my spot, I got in position hidden behind a wall of leaves and cocked my sniper to inspect the rest of the area around the house after I had done a full circle of observation.

“I don’t like this.” I spoke into the com I had placed on my in dark and light grey tones camouflaged gear.

“What’s your concern?” Alex’ voice crackled through my earpiece.

“Looks too easy.”

“Did you expect a heavily fortified fortress out here in the middle of a jungle?” Mick asked chuckling.

“Considering the millions of dollars he’s supposed to have and that he’s one of the top tier pieces of shit here, yes, that would be my first expectation if I’m honest.” I retorted while letting my sight wander around through the scope, not spotting much besides some guards hanging around in a few corners with submachine guns strapped to them.

“You aren’t wrong. I estimated with more defense measures too, looking at his profile. But let’s check what we’ve gathered so far.” Luc suggested, wanting to hear what we had detected during our surveillance so he could start thinking about possible tactics at how we would approach this.

“Guards on all sides of the house in groups of two to max three, no protection and armed with SMG’s. Three right, left and rear side, two front, potentially more inside. Lots of spots all around the house where we could easily slip in without a problem except the front. There’s a long, unprotected driveway, ending with a couple of concrete jersey barriers on the sides and a steal gate. Could be breakable with a car I would guess, if you manage to destroy the barrier that comes out of the ground when the gate closes but that would alert everyone, which rules it out as possible option. The only real “danger”, if you wanna call it that, is the machine gun in a sort of tower behind it. 50 caliber, that would shred you before you come even close. I would need help from one of you to take both guards out undetected if we do this the ‘silent way’.” I explained my observation.

“I could give you a hand. There’s a small waterway from my position leading in your direction, would be a matter of seconds to get to you.” Alex confirmed.

“Perfect.” I answered before continuing. “I’ve also seen some surveillance cameras around. We will have to either destroy them when we approach, or we have to look inside the house for a security room to deal with it. They didn’t seem to give a shit about aiming them at the crucial spots, but I would like to take care of them, so we don’t have to worry about it later.”

“They are not looking like the newest ones there are. Don’t wanna know where he got them from, but it will be enough if we take care of the hard drives.” Mick brought in his opinion. His expertise as the best engineer we had in Delta gave us a huge advantage with any tech or gadgets we had to deal with in our missions or other unconventionalities.

“Also, we have high fences extending around the house in a radius of probably twenty to thirty meters. We won’t be able to climb over, but we could cut through them. I’m actually surprised they aren’t charged with electricity.”

“If I were him, I wouldn’t want my kids getting roasted, that’s probably the reason.” He had a point. I had seen them playing outside and some toys laying around but I doubted that it was why.

“The less time we need the better.” Luc pointed out, reminding us that we would have a time window we had to keep in mind once we were in.

“Look what we have here... Someone’s got some little toys.” Mick’s amused voice came through the com again.

“What is it?” The tone he used set off alarm bells in my head. Something was wrong.

“Ground sensors.”

Well, shit.

“The lethal kind?” I inquired with a hint of worry and scoped the area more wary a second time and focused on every detail I could find but spotting none of the mentioned sensors. They must be hidden underneath the plants.

“Hard to say but I don’t wanna find that out.” He answered thoughtfully when he inspected the object on the ground more closely with his trained eyes.

“Any way we can deactivate them?”

“Negative. Not without setting them off.”

“Copy that. Eyes up and on the ground then. Be careful where you’re going.” I spoke sternly, not wanting my team to have an unpleasant encounter that could end potentially deadly and risk the mission before it even started.

The theory with his kids was off the table with that but now we had an explanation why he wasn’t using electricity. Lorea probably thought it would be enough to rely on the sensors and I guessed, he hadn’t even wasted a thought about the possibility of some highly trained and lethal delta force soldiers attacking him or figuring out his location in the first place. Very bad mistake.

But it didn’t make our situation any better, knowing we practically walked around in a minefield. I had to hope the other guys would spot the objects in time and not run into one by accident, not having the possibility to communicate to them what they were about to walk into without revealing myself. They didn’t know we were here and I wanted to keep it this way till we were done with the recce.

“We’ve got company now, boys and girls.” I heard Luc shortly after through my earpiece upon spotting the arrival of the five ex-delta soldiers we had been waiting for. Their timing was just great… note the sarcasm.

“Make sure none of them notices the slightest trace of you and get your comms ready.” I ordered in the serious tone as their captain, wanting to avoid getting detected by any of the boys at all costs.

“Copy.” The three men of my team answered in unison.

I lowered my weapon and slung it back around me with its strap, reaching into a pocket on the backside of my vest and pulling out the com I had requested for me and my team from Santiago, so we could listen their conversation, putting it in my other free ear. They couldn’t hear us unless we used the manual trigger of the mic, which me or my teammates wouldn’t dare to touch and continued to use our own to communicate with each other.

Hearing their line crackling to life, I left my position and disappeared back into the thick foliage.

“So what's this guy got against banks? At least a safe.” Will’s deep voice reached my ears and sent a shudder down my spine that halted my movement for a moment. It felt weird to hear their voices after so long. I needed to get used to them again.

“The house is the safe.” Santiago answered cryptical. What was that supposed to mean?

“Got any idea what he’s talking about?” Alex questioned through our com and spoke out what I was asking myself.

“No clue.”

“Feels like he didn’t tell you everything.” Mick threw in skeptically, emphasizing the most important word in his sentence. Everything. Santiago better didn’t withhold any important information we should have known about before.

Carefully ducking underneath some low hanging branches, the quiet rustling of plants caught my attention and I looked alarmed around. It didn’t come from me but who- or whatever it was that made them was close.

The only thing I saw was a backwards cap in green camouflage moving through the greenery of the jungle and I knew who it was. I stopped dead in my tracks and didn’t dare to breathe or even blink. Ben had no clue I stood directly behind him when he moved by, not more than a thin wall of leaves separating us. His sudden closeness speeding up the beat of my heart in an instant that was pounding loudly in my ears and I prayed he couldn’t hear it. Keep your god damn composure, Y/N! Don’t panic.

Fuck. Did he have a compass which seemed to always lead him to me?

His hand was not a mere inch away and nearly brushed my belly. I’d be so, so fucked if he was able to sense me. Please don’t let him notice. Only this time.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

After a few beats of him deciding it was a good idea to stop and stand right there in front of me and I thought I’d die from my heart jumping out of my chest, he finally started to walk away and gave me an actual chance to get some desperately needed air into my lungs again. I swear, this man was the death of me, in more ways than one.

This was waaay too close.

My eyes had grown at least double their size as I followed his path till he was out of sight, not making any kind of motion or noise yet for fear he could pick up on it and discover who was here with them.

“I'm at the gate.” I let out a sigh of relief when I heard his still well too familiar rough voice speak through their com that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. If someone would have told me, I’d ever be relieved not having to be near him… Nothing could have been more wrong…

“This looks like everything was done about 82% right. They got all the toys out here, but these cameras aren't even aimed at the weakest breach point.” Ben continued and repeated in his own words what I had observed before, showing clearly why both of us were the experts at reconnaissance.

“Someone’s got some knowledge there too, huh?” Mick indicated, somewhat surprised there was someone else ‘as good as me’ as he would put it, in this field.

We had been the perfect team… And now we were standing on opposite sides.

Deciding to stay silent, I put more distance between us when I was sure he would be far enough away and went with fast but still calculated steps in the other direction. I didn’t want to have another close encounter with him.

“Your girlfriend's making her normal money drop?” Tom’s voice joined in and halted my steps a few meters after once again. What were they talking about now?

“Yeah.” Santiago answered him directly like they were talking about the weather, despite knowing that we could hear their conversation. “She's prepared to record the inside of the house.”

Girlfriend?... Wait a minute…- His so called ‘informant’ was his girlfriend?! And he had the nerve to not tell me before all of this?! He just had dug his own grave.

I was sure my teammates didn’t take this new information any different. I could already imagine how their brows would knit together and their jaws would clench at the revelation.

Santiago had unknowingly managed to turn our team against him before they even had the chance to meet with his move. The fact that none of them felt like speaking up about it told basically everything already. Good luck for him to get out of this.

“Pope...” The person using his callsign was Frankie but it sounded a bit off. Was that concern I heard? What was worrying him? Everything should be fine, I made sure of that before they arrived. Besides… My thoughts went back to the discovery we had made not long ago. Damn it. He didn’t accidentally set off one of the sensors, did he?

“Pope, I have kids over here. Does he have kids living in here with him? 'Cause that's gonna make things a whole lot more complicated and is not what I signed up for.” He shared his discovery over the com and thankfully not confirmed my suspicion but reminded me of what would be another part on my personal task list which I hadn’t wanted to think about yet. If Fish had known what he signed up for… maybe he would’ve had considered his options better.

I continued my way with quick strides through the jungle while I listened, passing by the gate in the distance with enough space to not get noticed and reaching the spot on the left side of the house where I had originally begun my observation round.

“The family's not the problem. They're the answer.” The addressed man replied without the slightest concern. What was it with Santiago and his cryptic sentences?

“Why?” Frankie wasn’t the only person who liked to know.

“Church.” Santiago simply answered. “Lorea's very devout. Every Sunday morning, he sends three guards to the 6 AM service. When they get back, he sends the rest of the team, along with his family, into town to mass. That leaves him and three guards in that house, and that's our window.” He elaborated and I could only shake my head at what I heard. I wouldn’t give them a chance to escape and not finish the mission properly, he could totally forget that. I didn’t care how many guards Lorea had in his house, ten, twenty, it didn’t matter. We would have the army with us too, which would be way enough to wipe them out for good. Not that my team and I could handle it on our own. I didn’t understand why he was making such a fuss about the damn family. There was definitely some business we had to discuss later.

“Why would he do that?” Will inquired, which wasn’t really surprising. He always was someone for details. Too bad he didn’t pay attention to them when he actually should have.

“Worried about someone taking his kids. And he never leaves his money.” These would be the least of his problems very soon…

“Also, I don't think he believes anyone actually has the balls to come out here and rob him.” Santiago added bluntly. That was another way to put it, except ‘rob’ was the wrong word for what we’d be doing. Let me correct, what they’d be doing. My team wouldn’t get involved with the money the guys would confiscate together with the army after we were done. So was the plan. But I didn’t like how he said it and the feeling it caused in my gut.

“It's probably cause it's a stupid idea.” At least Will had some common sense. Yes, it absolutely was. It was the stupidest idea on earth to be exact.

The sound of a car approaching had me drawing my sniper in a flash, holding it steady with both hands and looking out at the driveway through some trees and bushes from my higher position. A black van came into view that slowly approached the barrier at the gate where it stopped. The guard not standing behind the machine gun walked up to the passenger side.

“Pope, I got your girlfriend coming up right now.” Ben announced at the same time.

“Y/N, do you have the safety of your gun on?” Mick joked into the com right after, who had been uncharacteristically silent, already knowing what my reaction would be and wanting to check up on me.

“Maybe I accidentally switched it off.” My voice dropped lower, with an underlying threat behind it my boys were familiar with, while aiming through the scope of my TAC-50 at the woman’s head. It would only take a little pull on the trigger…

I inspected her nearer and got slapped in the face with the bitter truth that I couldn’t compare to her, and it was obvious why Santiago seemed to have a liking in this woman. She looked attractive with her tanned skin, the dark brown, shoulder long, wavy hair and dark eyes. And I bet the rest of her body looked just as good. Something I wouldn’t ever come close to…

“Holy shit. She is beautiful, man.” My blood ran cold at Benny’s next words and something broke inside me. He should have kept his damn mouth shut. The grip on my weapon tightened with my fingers wrapping themselves like snakes around it that were about to choke their victim to death.

Don’t let it get to you. Just ignore all the shit they’re talking. He’s not worth it! None of them are worth it!

“He doesn’t know that the most beautiful woman is already here.” Alex threw in quickly, trying to lessen the damage but he had no clue that what Ben said had fueled my wrath already to a dangerous level. He only tried to lift the situation and make me feel better, knowing about my insecurities that got much worse after what I had been through, but this was something even he couldn’t fix. Only one person could have done that and he wasn’t here anymore… because of me.

Fuck him. Fuck all of them. I wouldn’t give them even the slightest chance to hurt me.

Thank god the van drove past the gate a moment later before I couldn’t resist the temptation to shoot her and the driver anymore. My index finger hovering dangerously close over the small part of the gun that could decide between life and death in a moment’s notice if I wanted.

“I got an execution about to go down over here.” As if sensing my mood for satisfying the craving I felt, Will spoke through their line, adding greatly to the need for shedding blood. Did I hear execution?

“Are you at the tennis courts?” Santiago wanted to know and I looked around if I could see the mentioned place from my position to follow what was happening there but to my disappointment it was out of my sight.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, that's his spot.” He confirmed. Of course Lorea would kill others for his sake, people like him were all the same. He wasn’t the first and surely wouldn’t be the last.

“Anyone have sight on it?” I spoke into the mic, in hopes one of my boys would be close by and could give more detailed information about the situation.

“Positive, I do.” Alex answered while watching Lorea with a guard next to him getting ready to kill the unfortunate souls that were kneeling on the ground with bags over their heads. He had also found the blonde person lurking behind the small brick wall not far from him who must be one of the ex-delta soldiers, watching through the free spaces in between what was about to unfold.

“How many?” I inquired after his response, meaning the number of people the drug lord was about to kill.

“Four.” Too many. I would make sure to pay it equally back to him. He wouldn’t hurt someone ever again after we would be finished with him.

“Man, this guy really takes his business way too serious.” Mick commented with a snort when multiple shots of a gun filled the atmosphere. It wasn’t meant as disrespect toward Lorea’s victims but more his own way to cope with what we had to experience in our job and to not let it get to him. The complete opposite of me.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

“One more reason to get rid of him.” The grip on my sniper hardened even more at the thought of how many people had died because of him. How many lives he had taken for all the blood money. This guy was practically begging to be killed. A shame I couldn’t do it right now.

“Why is she doing this?” Frankie wondered as he saw the dark-haired woman and a few men getting out of the van and entering Lorea’s house with some bags, bringing their line back to life after it went silent for the time of the execution, everyone probably listening the sound of bullets delivering death and leaving nothing but corpses behind.

“She hopes I can get her little brother out of jail.” As if it hadn’t been enough to hear that she was his ‘girlfriend’ but to also find out she was doing this for Santiago to get her brother back on top of it… This was the culmination of it all. How did he even wanted to do that? If her brother was involved with Lorea, there was no way he could get him out legally. Or was he simply playing her so she agreed to help him? Like he tried with me also with leaving out what I heard since they arrived? He had chosen the wrong person.

“Tell me he isn’t fucking serious?!” Our engineer let out in vexation, being careful to not speak too loud and give himself away to the person with a cap he had in sight while he looked over the entrance area of the house where the van had stopped not a minute ago.

“I guess he ‘forgot’ to mention those little details, right?” Alex was just as pissed off, the kind where he questioned himself if he should shoot first and ask questions later or the other way round.

“He should pray I won’t find him right now.” Mick threatened afterwards, directly voicing out what his Spanish brother had hidden behind his words.

“You should give him a chance to explain himself and not make any assumptions already.” Luc spoke up, surprising us with his calmness and how he wasn’t on the side of his brothers. Sitting still on his spot on the other side of the house and following the guards’ movements while also keeping a careful eye on two of the ex-delta soldiers laying on top the massive concrete wall underneath some plants.

“What the fuck, man?! How can you defend him?! There is no god damn room for assumptions because everything is fucking clear! We need to have a talk after this!” His friend shot back with a growl.

It would be an exhausting drive back… Releasing some air and not wanting to take part in their conversation to fuel the tension that already had manifested itself with my own emotions, I focused back on the other boys.

“Did you put him in jail?” I heard Ben asking the most obvious question, silencing and distracting my three men from their heated discussion. I wouldn’t be surprised at this point if Santiago did.

“Not really.” There we go. So he had something to do with it. He might be able to fool the others but not me.

“I'm guessing that's putting her at some risk.” Tom pointed out and a sarcastic chuckle left me. It was putting her at the risk of vanishing from the face of this earth as soon as I got my hands on her.

“Man, I almost forgot why I got out of this business. Shit gets so dark so quick.” Frankie shared his thoughts, not knowing how true his words actually were and hitting the nail on the head. Explaining why I was as I was and bringing back painful memories. Nothing would come close to what I had to experience.

My knuckles turned white from the force I was gripping my weapon with now, teeth grinding hard against each other and shutting my eyes to force the unwelcomed thoughts away before they had a chance to get through.

Keep breathing slowly. You’re not going back to that place. You’re over it.

“Oh, shit, we got ground sensors here, boys.” Benny suddenly announced alarmed over their com when he found himself near the dangerous little object that blocked his way.

“Did you hit one?” As soon as Santiago had asked his question, my focus completely relied on them, tensely waiting for an answer and cursing under my breath that of course it had to be him out of the five to get himself into this situation.

“I don't know, I'm not sure.” With concern heavy in his voice and face Ben answered, uncertain if he had activated it or not and quickly taking a look around to check if he had been detected but everything seemed normal until Fish’s warning hit his ears.

“Benny, I got two guys on motorbikes coming your way.” He informed the younger Miller when he watched them speeding down the driveway in the direction of the gate where Ben was crouching deeper into the bushes covering him.

The urge to eliminate the enemy grew with every passing second and I considered starting the mission early. They wouldn’t get anywhere near him. I wouldn’t allow it. They’d be dead before they knew it.

With him already in my sight from my place across, I switched off the safety of my sniper once again. Making sure he was unharmed and nobody would come too close to him and discover where he was hiding.

Will left his position right after, following back the way he came through the small waterway around the area toward his little brother.

“Hold tight, Benny. I'm trying to get out there to cover you.” He told him, the protectiveness as his big brother coming to the surface. Moving as fast as he could till he got in position behind a small tree on the opposite side of the gate and aiming his pistol underneath its branches toward the newly arrived guards.

I shifted my view to the gate when I heard the sound of motorbikes approaching, noticing Will at the edge of my scope. Shutting out everything to not get distracted from the threat at hand and taking in controlled breaths to keep the heavy weapon steady while looking at the guys getting off their bikes, ready to shoot at any wrong movement or getting closer to Ben’s position.

“A stock boy job at Walmart's starting to look pretty good right now, boys.” It wouldn’t be Ben if he didn’t make one of his comments in his current situation, holding his pistol low but ready to use if needed. He was unaware that me and his brother had him covered from both sides of the gate and nobody would have an actual chance to harm or get to him without being killed. It kind of was like a déjà vu.

For a long moment they stood there, talking to the other guards. Thankfully not showing any signs that they were alarmed or actively searching for Ben. With a wave of a hand from one of them they got on their motorbikes again and drove back where they came from.

“I'm clear. They're coming back to you.” Ben confirmed to Frankie and watched them retreating, putting the gun back in the waistband of his jeans and relieving all of us with his words.

“Let's get the fuck outta here.” Will ordered into their com, keeping his hand weapon aimed on the men until they were out of sight. He had seen enough and didn’t want to push their luck any further, it had already been a close call with his brother and there was no reason to risk another encounter. The intel they had gathered should be enough to make a plan.

“Two retreating on my position.” I informed my team, watching both Miller brothers leave and disappearing into the jungle. Lowering my sniper and allowing my muscles to loosen up after I made sure my surroundings were safe.

“Positive, two as well here.” Luc responded first.

“Affirmative. One on me.” His friend Mick validating the same after.

“That’s all of ‘em. Alex, you clear?”

“Crystal.”

“Copy. If y’all are, I’ll meet you at the car. Be careful out there, boys.” I instructed before heading to where we had parked and took the earpieces out. Not looking forward to what awaited me…

35 Minutes later, 6:18 PM, Brazil

A bump in the road we were driving along woke me rudely from my nap when my front made contact with the car door to my right side I had leant to in my sleep. Startling me awake with the force of the impact.

A very faint “Sorry!” rang through the car.

“Can’t you drive more careful? If you continue like this, you gonna wake her up!” Alex complained annoyed from the left backseat, taking a look beside him in the dark of the car to ensure their girl was getting some much-needed sleep.

“I’m very obviously trying my best here. It’s not my fault this road is absolute shit. How is someone supposed to drive safe here anyway?” Mick complained back and shot his friend a glare through the rearview mirror before looking back at the road and giving Luc a glance on the way in the passenger seat.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, you won’t find any better ways out here. I’m afraid this is the best we can get, gentlemen.” Luc declared with a chuckle.

“Still was a mistake to let him drive.” Alex grumbled lowly, not agreeing with the choice they had made earlier because he had enough experience with his recklessness at times. Especially with driving.

“If you think you can do it better, go ahead, pen-, pem-? Whatever you call asshole in Spanish.” Mick challenged him, struggling to find the word he was looking for because his knowledge of his friends’ second language was very limited or rather nonexistent and slowing their vehicle.

“It’s called pen-de-jo, dumbass. And we all know I’m a better driver than you.”

“Who almost caused an accident when we came here? Hm?”

“Seriously?! It wasn’t my fault some crazy people were having a fucking chase with the police!”

“Whatever you say, bud.”

“If you keep going like this and not lower your volume, it won’t be the movement of the car who’ll wake her up.” Luc clarified, sending a look their ways that didn’t require any further words.

With a slight groan I came to and opened my eyes slowly, noticing the lack of daylight.

“Great job, Mick. Look what you’ve done! You woke her up!”

“It certainly wasn’t me!”

With an eyeroll Alex shifted his head in my direction and gave me a smile.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” He greeted me softly, his hand searching mine and giving me a light squeeze while caressing the back of it with his thumb. A ritual my boys always did when we were out on a mission, to assure me I was safe and in the present while I was waking up out of my half sleep.

“Hey. What’s… happening?” I answered groggily and looked at him with barely opened eyes, giving a squeeze back.

“Nothing you have to worry about. You okay?” He asked, letting me take my time to get more conscious and inspecting me.

“Mhm. As best as I can be.” I saw it in his eyes when I nodded at him that it wasn’t the answer he’d been waiting for, even if he did an excellent job at not showing any changes in his facial expression and maintaining the smile on his lips for my sake. Giving me a final caress with a bit more pressure before retreating his hand.

“Welcome back.” Mick’s cheerful voice broke our moment and my sight went to the front of the car. Realizing night had settled in with the headlights illuminating the earthy path ahead and the instruments inside being our only light source, now that I was more awake.

“How was your little nap?” Luc turned around in his seat to face me.

“You know how it was.” I told him right away, every person in the car aware of the fact that my sleep was screwed for good with permanently fearing to have another nightmare yet again when I allowed myself to rest. But of course it didn’t keep them from asking anyway.

“Sorry by the way if we woke you.” Came it from the driver’s seat, a brief side eye meeting mine while Mick took one hand off the steering wheel and rubbed the back of his head in a guilty manner.

“You didn’t.” I assured, not wanting him to feel responsible for something he wasn’t the reason of.

“And for earlier… I didn’t mean to be an ass.” He added more quietly, exchanging another look with me, the memory of our “chat” before the drive in his mind that hadn’t gone like probably all of us had intended it to. But on the other hand, they had gotten a chance to release some steam and cool off which mattered the most for me, not blaming them at all about their complaints and voicing them out loud. Taking in every last word and feeding the side of me that lived from it, that didn’t know anything else and used what I bottled up within me as its catalyst to cause the fatal havoc it was meant to do. To make the world burn for what had been done.

“There’s nothing you’d have to apologize for, Mick. And aren’t you an ass all the time? At least to Alex?” I tried to lighten the mood and draw the attention away from me.

“Whoa! Now that’s just cruel, Y/N! You can’t say something like that when I just apologized!” Our driver let out in his usual overdramatic way, going along with it. Making his friends laugh heartfully, mostly about his reaction but also my words. The joyful sound wrapping around us like a comfortable, warm blanket in the winter. Only that its warmth wasn’t enough to reach my cold, dead soul. It would never be enough to bring it back to life ever again.

Another precious moment between us I should enjoy but couldn’t, with the inability to feel the same happiness as them - or any at all. Faking a small smile to not ruin the entire situation because I didn’t want them to have to deal with me more than they already had to, like the constant loneliness I felt even if they were always around me.

“Totally deserved.” The Spanish man next to me nodded in agreement and fixated his brother in front of him with a wide smirk.

“Keep going and I throw you out of this car myself, then you can see for yourself how you get there.” A finger pointed in his direction as a warning sign before Mick had to focus on driving again and put his hand back on the steering wheel.

“Why do I have the feeling I missed something important?” I asked in confusion, suspecting there was more to their talk than I knew and switching my sight between the boys.

“Oh trust me, you didn’t miss anything, Y/N.” Luc laughed to himself, the other two starting to snicker along him.

“Okay…?” Coming across my lips in more a question than a normal pronunciation. Despite my curiosity I decided to not dig further and leave it at that. It was probably just another banter of theirs like usual. Looking a last time between them before I shifted my view out the window into the night and silence falling over us with only the faint tune from the radio playing in the background.

A few miles later when I couldn’t stand the quietness anymore, I leaned forward in my seat over the center console as far as my seatbelt allowed it and grabbed the inner edges of the front seats with my hands.

“How long till we’re there?” My nervosity getting the best of me because the previous silence grew too loud for my head and I couldn’t keep the thoughts in it no longer from running wild, threatening to overwhelm me.

“We still have a bit to go. You can take another nap if you want.” Luc answered and looked over to me from the side.

“I’m not tired.” I quickly refused his suggestion, as everyone expected, because it had become a common thing over the last 2 years and they were used to it by now.

“Y/N… Then at least try to get a bit more rest, please. You know-” He tried to reason like a parent with their child who was too stubborn to follow their instruction, but I interrupted him before he could finish what I had to hear too many times already: “You know he wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger.”. Who the fuck cares?

“I don’t wanna hear it.” A well-meant advice to drop what he was going to say.

I had decided to walk this path with no looking back till the end, whenever that would be. There was nothing waiting for me anyway. It was like I had been stuck somewhere along the way and got lost in search for something I had known once but wouldn’t find again, left alone in the shadows with nothing more than misery, sadness and deafening silence as my companions, the only remains of a life before that had stopped existing.

With a heavy sigh I sat back in my seat and busied myself with the sight out the windshield, not wanting to continue the conversation we’d had so many times before like the words he wanted to use.

“Can we not-” I instantly stopped midsentence when I saw a hooded figure appear out of nowhere in the shine of the headlights that stood on the side of the road, directly facing us.

I wasn’t sure what it was but the feeling hitting me in this very moment I couldn’t place - something both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time - had me sitting up straight immediately.

“Mick, stop the car! Stop the car!! Now!” I yelled when we drove past it, my eyes glued to where the figure had disappeared behind us in the night and hands pressed hard against the glass. Startling the boys with my sudden change and the urgency in my voice.

“What? Why? Did I hit an animal or somethin’?” He asked as confused as his brothers, all looking at me now with big question marks in their faces.

“Just stop it already!” I urged impatiently, not caring to elaborate and wanting to get out as fast as possible.

“I’m on it! What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”

Before they got an answer, I was out as soon as we came to a stop in the middle of the road with only the person I saw in mind and ran back through the dark to where I had seen it. Shouts of my name erupting from behind me when the three quickly followed and ran after me.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” My raised voice filled the night, loud enough to be heard for a few meters distance but I got no answer or any sign that somebody was there.

“I know you are! Come out and show yourself! I won’t hurt you, I promise!” After nothing happened and I didn’t want to wait any longer I spoke up again, opting for a different way to get the person to reveal itself but it turned out the same as my first attempt. Looking in every possible direction in hopes of finding what I was searching for.

Multiple cones of flashlights lighting up my surroundings more and more from behind announced my team’s approach very soon after but I was too focused to pay them any mind for now.

With hands crossed over each other, raised pistol in one and a flashlight in the other held next to it, how they had been trained to, so they could shoot at any possible threat lurking out there while still being able to see, they closed the distance between us with fast steps and in their tactical formation with Alex on the left side, Luc in the middle and Mick on the right to cover as much ground as possible.

“Can you tell me what the hell this is all about?” Taking in a defensive stance, Mick came to a stand next to me and let his eyes roam around to make sure no danger was in sight before they landed on me, displaying his obvious discontentment about my careless action.

“They were here.” I answered without looking away from the spot I had been staring at, still clinging on to the false hope of the person showing up.

“Who?” He questioned confused, not understanding what I meant and being more concerned about my safety since I wasn’t wearing a bulletproof vest or a weapon.

“The Person. They were right here.” Repeating my words, assuming he would catch on, I tore my gaze away and toward him. Noticing Luc and Alex next to us and the handguns they carried with them. “And put your guns down.”

“Well, I don’t see anyone. Are you sure?” Taking another attentive glance around at my words, he followed my instruction and lowered his pistol slowly after he spotted nothing but grass.

“What Person?” Alex asked from the other side while doing the same as his brothers and loosened his stiff posture.

“That stood on the side of the road looking at us.” I elaborated a last time with slight agitation, not getting why they asked all these unnecessary questions when they must have seen the person too.

Luc, Mick and Alex exchanged a troubled look with each other.

“There wasn’t anyone.” Luc said after a short pause.

“But…- No…- They were standing right here…! I swear!” Denying his words and pointing at where the person had stood, I took a few steps forward, letting my sight wander through the dark once more and staring at the earthy ground in front of me in total disbelieve after I still found no evidence that someone had been here only minutes ago. This couldn’t be true… I knew what I saw… I wasn’t making it up…

“Hey, we believe you, okay? If you say you saw someone, you did.” Alex assured, stepping before me and searching my eyes. The other two not wasting time and appearing at my sides, forming a half circle.

“How did they look like?” Luc changed the direction of our conversation, deeming it a good choice to distract me from the thoughts he practically could see swarming my head and make sense of what I was saying.

“Their… clothes were all black… with a hood over the head. And… the lower half of the face… was covered with a black mask.” I stuttered out. “I know how this sounds but I swear to you I didn’t imagine it!” Seeking the boys’ eyes for reassurance that I wasn’t going mad and my mind didn’t make up things that weren’t there when I just had literally described what we normally wore on our missions.

But it was hard to miss the doubt in them which hurt me more than I wanted to admit to myself when I realized my mistake, not allowing my expression to show I had noticed and quickly cutting off our line of sight to avoid getting more upset and revealing my emotions. I shouldn’t have told them.

“Did you notice anything else? Or were you able to identify the person?” A vertical shake of my head was all I gave Luc, feeling a surge of rage rush up that I didn’t pay closer attention to the person’s face, so I would have known who it was and if they were real but everything had happened too fast and caught me right off guard.

“What’s the plan here then? Are we going for a search?” Mick wanted to know, switching from expectantly looking between us four and checking our surroundings from time to time.

“I don’t see any footprints but if somebody was here they couldn’t have gone too far.” Our Spanish man moved his light around, emphasizing he wasn’t completely dismissing it. His way of telling me he didn’t think I was crazy.

“We surely would have noticed anyone by now - and I’m not saying I don’t believe you,” Coming up with the fact none of us could dismiss, Luc stepped into his role amongst our team and I could feel his observing gaze that hadn’t left me since his arrival. He noticeably changed the pitch of his voice while adding his own assurance into the sentence - a smart move, to ensure I would be listening. “But we won’t find much in this high grass with only our flashlights at this time of day. Also don’t forget we still have a good few miles to go and I doubt we wanna be too late.”

“As much as I agree with you, but I’m not comfortable leaving without knowing if we’re being followed-”

“Luc’s right. It doesn’t make sense to try and find someone in the middle of the night, Alex. And I said we’d be there.” I countered him with a defeated sigh, not having the nerves to argue with my boys about the actual existence of the person but wanting to ease at least his worry that was an ever constant of the trio below the surface since certain things had happened all of them never fully recovered from and wouldn’t. Another thing I was the reason of.

“I mean it won’t do any harm if we take a quick look, right? I’d feel better if we do. And let’s be honest here, none of us gives a damn about being late.” Mick suggested, not passing the opportunity to add one of his blunt comments.

“It’s just a waste of time, forget it. Let’s go and get this over with as fast as possible.” To make this decision wasn’t easy for me but it was the most rational in the current moment. Swallowing down my increasing anger. If things continued like this, I would need an outlet soon because I could only hold it in for so long until I had to release it.

Casting my view for a moment toward the sky in hopes of finding some relief, my mood dropped further when I saw nothing but clouds plunging the stars in their darkness to snuff out their light, like they were foreshadowing what was to come. Not deeming me worthy of the only thing bringing me some little kind of comfort for what I was about to do.

Averting my eyes, I turned around and started to walk back to the car.

“Wait! Y/N!” Alex tried to stop me and was hot on my heels.

“I already told you we’re not searching!” I let out angrily and sped up my steps.

“I swear to god, this woman…” Mick huffed out quietly before he and Luc got moving too, earning an amused snort paired with a smirk from his brother next to him.

“That’s why we love her.” He patted him a few times on the shoulder. “And you wouldn’t want it any differently.” Luc added after a short distance without looking back, following their captain and Alex who was making some gestures with his hands and arms on her side only to be ignored.

“I hate when he’s right…” The last member of the team started to catch up in a sprint.

From afar a hooded figure in black was watching them…

If I had at least understood my third and final warning.

A/N: I want to thank every single one of you who gave this story a chance in the last year and supported it so far, no matter if it was through a like, a lovely comment or a reblog! Each one means the world to me and is greatly appreciated and a huge motivator, regardless how small it is! And I hope I can continue to bring you more enjoyment in the future with it! ❤️

You can definitely look forward to the ultimate clash that's bound to happen which we are approaching with careful steps! Maybe in the next chapter already? 😱

If you enjoyed feel free to reblog, like and comment! 🥰

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[ladykailitha]

Little Runaway Part 7

Oh my god you guys, seriously you all are amazing. I am really loving the reactions to this story. There is just one more part to go and it’s a sweet little epilogue. This is the showdown. The moment you’ve all been waiting for.

Also if you asked to be tagged after the limit of twenty, I’m sorry. I have the limit for a reason. I’m not doing it because I’m being elitist or whatever, my poor little ADHD brain starts getting frustrated and wanting to cry just doing the 20 I’ve got, but I do it because it makes me happy people want to be informed the next time a part goes up. I don’t know how people with dozens do it.

Plus tagging adds more time putting up the parts. Something that would take five minutes on AO3 (because they keep track of all the chapters for you) could take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how many parts there are, and how many have been put up (I go and crosslink on EVERY part to make sure if a part in the middle gets found in the wild all by its lonesome the person can read the previous and subsequent parts). Add tagging to that and you can see the time starts to really add up. 

Again thank you for all the love and support this little story has gotten. The last part will be up tonight after I eat dinner and then (cold permitting) I’ll put up the first part of Ser Stephan of Harring’s Town before I go to bed.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

*

Eddie walked into the police station and right up to Hopper’s desk. He leaned on it with both hands and stared directly into Hopper’s eyes.

“I need you to arrest me,” he bit out. “Now.”

“What the hell?” Hopper asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Mr Harrington knows I know where Steve is,” he breathed. “I can’t let him get to me to get to Steve. If you need a reason, I have two baggies of weed in my jacket pocket. Please. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

Hopper gulped. “Well there is a rumor you kidnapped him, so...”

Eddie nodded and held out his hands together at the wrist. “Save him, please.”

*

Steve was sitting on the sofa reading when Wayne came home from work.

“Where’s Eddie?” he asked on his way to the fridge.

Steve shrugged. “He just said he had errands to run.”

Wayne came back with two beers and handed one to Steve. Steve swung his feet off the sofa to let Wayne sit down. Steve set the book down and popped the lid off his bottle and then did the same for Wayne’s when the older man raised an eyebrow.

“Neat trick,” Wayne said, taking a swig.

Steve shrugged. “Turns out years of baseball, basketball, and swimming make you a strong person. I don’t do those things anymore, but I keep working out to keep that strength up.”

“That how you were able to break Clint’s nose?” Wayne asked.

“Yeah,” Steve murmured. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know how much to hold back when punching, because when I hit most of the time there is no holding back.”

“What have you got to be hitting that needs to be hit that hard, boy?” he asked.

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t tell you. I can get into a lot of trouble if I tell people. The only ones that know are the ones that have seen it for themselves. But I have seen things that have made grown men shit their pants. I have been hunted by things that would haunt the nightmares of the hardest of souls. I have been actually tortured and drugged. And yet face to face with my own father and I chickened out like a bitch.”

Wayne stared at the boy that should have had the dream life. Rich parents, everything he could have asked for. But instead nothing but heartache and loss for this kid. Because despite Steve almost being twenty, he was still a kid.

He put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and was about to say something when the phone rang. He frowned and got up to answer it.

As he said hello, a curly haired teenager in a trucker hat came barreling through his front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled. “Someone at Hellfire snitched and your dad is on his way here.”

Steve worked to calm Dustin while Wayne listened to the other person on the other end of the line, making the appropriate noises. Then he hung up.

“You must be Dustin,” Wayne said coming back over to the sofa.

Dustin looked over at Wayne as if he was seeing him for the first time. “Oh. Yeah. Um...sorry. For barging in like that, but I really needed to see Steve.”

Wayne chuckled. “Don’t worry, your friend here is going to be just fine.” He cocked his head to the side. “How did you get here so fast? I just barely got the call myself what was going down.”

“My mom drove me,” Dustin said, staring at the floor.

“Claudia is here?” Wayne asked. Dustin nodded. “Good. The more the merrier.” He turned to Steve. “Under the sink, behind the Draino is your bag. It’ll be up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”

Steve nodded.

Wayne walked outside.

There standing in a semi-circle was Claudia Henderson, Joyce Byers, and Sheriff Jim Hopper. Standing off to the side, was Eddie who was hugging his ribs. Wayne joined the semi-circle just as Clint Harrington pulled up to the trailer park and got out of his car.

“Sheriff!” Clint yelled. “I want that man arrested for kidnapping my son!” He pointed angrily at Eddie, who looked down.

“I don’t know about that,” Wayne said. “Hey, Steve! You being held against your will?”

Dustin and Steve came out of the trailer slowly, the backpack slung over one shoulder.

“No, sir,” Steve said, looking his father in the eye. “I am not.”

“Liar!” Clint bellowed. “Don’t you be believing a word out of his mouth. He’s been brainwashed.”

“No I haven’t,” Steve said, feeling a little bit more bold knowing he had people who would protect him.

“You leave that boy alone,” Joyce said. “He’s gone through enough.”

Claudia crossed her arms. “Agreed.”

“You better get out of my way,” Clint growled.

Hopped pulled out a piece of paper and held it up. “This here is a warrant for your arrest for the assault of Steven Harrington.”

Clint laughed. “You can’t prove a god damn thing.”

“Actually we can,” Hopper continued. “Steve was smart enough to take pictures after your little tussle and the bruises will match up with your ring.”

Clint went to work it off his finger, but Wayne stepped up to stop him. “I think I’ll be taking that for the Sheriff if you don’t mind.”

Clint growled, but handed it over. He walked back over to Hopper who was holding a baggy for Wayne to drop it into. Hopper sealed the bag and stuck it in his pocket.

“What do you say, Steve?” Hopper called over his shoulder. “Should we lock up this bastard and throw away the key?”

Steve held out his hand to Eddie. Eddie looked at it, unsure and then came over to take it. Steve pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “What do you think I should do?”

Eddie cupped Steve’s face with his free hand. “You know what to do. You’re a good person, Steve. Do what feels right.”

“You fag, get away from my son!” Clint shouted. He tried to push past the four adults, but they closed ranks and wouldn’t let him through.

Steve breathed in.

“You’ve got this, baby,” Eddie assured him.

Steve nodded. He stepped away from Eddie and tossed the backpack at his dad. “Everything you want is in there. Just take it and leave. Know this. If I or any of my friends see you in Hawkins ever again, the Sheriff will arrest you.”

Hopper grinned. “I like that plan.”

“I’ll cut you off!” Clint snarled. “You’ll be penniless and homeless without me, you ingrate!”

Steve laughed. “I could stay at any number of these fine people’s houses and be welcome for as long as I needed. And as for penniless? I’ve already got a job lined up that I think will make me very happy. And maybe if I’m lucky, a boy who loves me.” He turned to Eddie, who was blushing deep.

Wayne chuckled. “You heard the man, Clint. Get the hell out of Dodge and stay the fuck away from my boys.”

Clint growled and stalked off to his car, the tires peeling out on the gravel as he tore out of the trailer pack as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Steve shook his head. “Doesn’t he know that’s bad for his tires?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve in shock and amazement before bursting into laughter.

Claudia took Dustin home and Hopper took Joyce, leaving Steve with the Munsons.

“Is it over?” Eddie asked.

“I’d give Clint a couple days to clear out,” Wayne said. “But yeah. I think it’s over.”

“Does this mean I can stay?” Steve asked, looking up through his lashes.

Wayne rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I was thinking of upgrading to a double wide with two bedrooms. I think we could just about afford it if you help pay rent.”

Steve lit up and turned to Eddie. “You hear that? You’re stuck with me now.”

Eddie smiled and leaned in. “I think it’s the other way round. You’re stuck here with me.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

Epilogue

Tag List: @tauntedperfume  @marivictal @eddiemunsonswife @namelessssho @dbquills @goodolefashionedloverboi @steve-the-hairrington @sadcanadianwinter @yearningagain @books-are-my-life-since-1996 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @homohomohoe @knightofthieves @flusteredcas @moonage-daydreaming @goblin-eddie @marvelousforlife @silversnaffles @satan-is-obsessed @yikes-a-bee

[teyamsatan]

Hi x i wanted to talk about something that has happened to me recently, because i feel like it needs to be addressed lol. I would have never considered talking about it if the person in question had had an ounce of maturity and respect, but she obviously doesn’t, and it’s my reputation on the line and my fault for expecting it hahahah.

So a few days ago, the whole Jake is Jacob debacle happened on tumblr, which to me was cute and harmless and fun. Now some people really feel the need to bring other people down and prove (to themselves only, let’s be honest) how “superior” and “intelligent” they are, so she started making fun and basically insulting the OP of the post, which really upset me. I didn’t say anything about it and quietly unfollowed the person, because if i find content I disagree with, that is (to me) the only way to approach the situation.

Anyway, later, i was made aware that she continued trash talking people in the fandom, continuing this tired narrative that despite being the one to initiate it, she was the “victim” bullied by “kids”, which i resented, for a couple of reasons.

1. Ageism is ageism no matter the form it comes in. It is no different to shit on a person just for being young and minding their business, than it is to do so with people who are older.

2. I’m tired of the “i was here first and therefore i am inherently better than you” stupid narrative. You don’t get a cookie cause you found something sooner, pls PLEASE understand that.

3. The “everyone is so young” bs is simply not true. I am the same age as her, so are some of my mooties or just a couple years older, and we’re all here, and we’re all trying to have a good time, and that’s what matters. None of us are out here flaunting our age or our maturity, because it is inconsequential.

4. Saying to someone that their “pre-frontal cortex” isn’t fully developed, is fucking ridiculous. What a stupid argument. You’re really going to insult someone for something they have reasonably absolutely no control over and try to use it as an insult against them? Girlie, in 2023? Do you understand how stupid that is? You think you’re superior cause your mum pushed you out a few years earlier like you had anything to do with it??? Like idk that is wild to me.

5. You can’t insult people on here for “being young and dumb” and how much “better” and “more mature” you are, and then in the same breath pick a fight with them and be willing to die on that hill. Because if you have any sort of common sense, that would imply that you must be succumbing to their levels and you are not capable of having any higher level discourse. Like how do you not see that that you're just proving to everyone how immature you truly are?

So, i wrote her an ask. Not on anon, not trying to start anything, just an ask telling her my opinion and telling her that as someone who is the same age as her, her behaviour is disappointing.

Now i need you to see the message because she won’t show it to you, because she wants to build this narrative that people are “harassing” her. Please note that nobody is “harassing” her. If i wanted to harass her, I could and I would not do it with my username intact. I wanted to her to understand the opinion (that i share with my friends and mooties) of someone who’s the same age as her. She won’t answer it because she knows there is no way to spin this in her favour.

Instead, what she can do, is what she does best. Trying to spin this negatively, insulting me and my writing (you’re 26 and the best you could come up with is “god awful cringey ass fics”? ouch, that hurt.) and tagging it “neteyam imagine” cause what person who wants to read neteyam fics doesn’t want to see that. Now again, she is blocked for me because I absolutely do not want to engage with people like her, but i was made aware of this and since she’s talking about me and could potentially come to people’s inboxes or dms and talking trash about me, i wanted you besties to know and to read everything and make your own minds about it, having all the information, not just what she deems appropriate to give you.

Anyway, sorry for this long ass rant, but it needed to be said. Please, if you don’t agree with someone, especially if it’s over something so incredibly trivial as a name, let it go. It’s not worth it. If it’s something not trivial, block. It’s not worth it. Insulting someone for things they have no control over doesn’t put you on top, it makes you a dick. Acting like you’re inherently better cause you’ve been in a fandom longer isn’t cool, trust me. Just please, save your energy and put it in your art, in your job, in your relationships, in yourself.

Now, i will go write my cringey ass fics 😉 good luck besties, and smooches.

ALSO!!! DO NOT engage with this person. PLEASE. Please do not prove her right. Please do not leave her anon hate or anything of the sort, please please please. It’s not worth it.

[whatsnewalycat]

Just Dumb Enough to Try

Chapter 26: This Must be the Place

Word Count: 4.5k+

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Tags / CW: swearing, pregnancy, fluff fluff fluff, love notes, smut, oral sex (f receiving), teasing, unprotected PIV sex, gave javi some gray sweatpants bc he deserves it and so do we

Chapter Summary: Our heroes spend the morning together.

Notes: Chapter title from "This Must be the Place" by Talking Heads. This is the last chapter!! Holy shit! I'm putting this out earlier than anticipated because I'm getting antsy about it and I really like it as is. Seriously I'm going to go cry now, because I'm feeling sad and proud and excited all at once. I'll *probably* write more with these two in the future, though. That sounds fun. If you liked it let me know, pleaaaase, I'm a whiney baby that loves reassurance!! OK THANK YOU SO MUCH!

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Peña Ranch, Laredo, TX  November 29, 1998

Your eyes blink open to late morning light pouring onto the bed. As they attempt to adjust from the darkness of sleep, you clamp them shut, rolling over to throw your arm across Javier. 

Except, he’s not there. Your arm flops onto something crinkly instead. One eye cracks open and finds a pile of papers folded in half where your boyfriend usually is. Their ragged edges are intact, proof that they were yanked out from the spine of a spiral notebook. 

You pick up the bundle and blink both eyes open. 

“READ ME” is scrawled on the top fold in Javi’s messy script. You take a deep morning yawn and wriggle upright, propping yourself up on a stack of pillows. The comforting scent of brewing coffee wafts into the bedroom. Javi is humming along to the radio in the kitchen. Pans clatter and cupboards slam by his hand as you unfold the stack of papers and start reading. 

—

December 5, 1993 

I can’t stop thinking about you. How are you even doing this to me? 

Yesterday I went to your apartment building. Your bedroom lights were on and the blinds were closed. I sat outside for an hour, knowing you were there, unable to bring myself to do anything about it. 

Even if I could have gathered the courage to knock on the door, what would I have said to you? 

I like the feel of your hand in mine. I like your laugh. You’re beautiful. Do you want to go on a date with me? 

Those words shouldn’t make a man like me nervous, but they do. So nervous that I left San Antonio without letting them leave my mouth. 

—

December 1, 1994 

It’s been a year since I kissed you. 

I had to leave. I’m sorry. Duty calls. 

Maybe we’ll meet again. Sometimes I hope we don’t. It’s for the best. You’ll find someone better. 

—

June 4, 1998

I can’t tell you this. So I’m writing to you. I know you’re engaged, and you’re happy with Dan fucking Baker. Even though it makes no sense to me. 

But I’ll be damned. Every time I look at you I remember exactly what you felt like. What you taste like. I crave your lips on mine again.  

—

June 13, 1998

When I’m with you, we’re opposite poles in magnets resisting the inevitable. The pull is so strong, I ache. You feel it, too. I can tell. 

Your lips, your touch, the perfect way I fit inside you. I can never unlearn these things. I’ve tried. They’re etched in my bones. It’s fundamental, as central to my being as breathing. 

I long for you, love. It’s torture. 

— 

June 25, 1998

I am in love with you. 

So, here I am, writing to you, imagining I had the guts to say it. 

This is absolute fucking madness, cariño. But I woke up next to you and saw you there and I knew. 

— 

July 30, 1998 

I don’t know where you are, but I saw you. I can feel you. I don’t know how I know, but I know. You’re scared. I’m scared, too. I’ve never been so terrified to lose someone. 

When I lost my mom, I didn’t get to be scared. One moment she was on her way back from the grocery store, and the next she was gone. In an instant, the sun in our lives burnt out. 

You would have loved her. Everyone did, she was just that kind of person. She had a wit about her. Lit up any room she walked into, but nobody fucked with her.

She loved deer because of their polarity and intuition. They’re gentle, fierce, cautious, adventurous. They shed and regrow their antlers. She said they’re symbolic of duality, listening to your gut feelings, renewal and growth. She would have loved you, too. 

There are so many things I want to tell you. I should have listened to you. I didn’t let you come with me. You trusted me to protect you, and I didn’t. I’m so sorry. 

I promise I will find you. I love you and miss you so much, cariño. Please hold on a little bit longer. 

Tell baby Peña I say hello and that I love them, too.

— 

August 1, 1998 

I’m watching you as you sleep in our bed. You’re battered, bruised, stitched together… but you and the baby are ok. It’s a fucking miracle, cariño, I swear. 

I introduced myself to your parents in the hospital waiting room last night. Your dad looked at my extended hand like there was shit smeared on it. They’re right to not want anything to do with me right now. 

It’s a good thing their approval means approximately jack shit to you. Because I am never letting you go. 

— 

November 29, 1998

Today’s the day I give you the letters I never thought I would, so I can show you how much I love you. How much I’ve always loved you. 

Come out to the kitchen, baby. 

— 

You sniffle and rub the tears out of your eyes and set the unfolded stack of love letters down on the black duvet, then scoot to the edge of the bed. The floor is cool on the soles of your feet, one then the other. Javi starts singing “I Just Want to Dance With You” by George Strait. Your heart swells with love. You grab your fuchsia robe from the back of the desk chair and tie it around your body as you emerge from the bedroom and follow his voice. 

He’s leaning on the kitchen island over a newspaper crossword puzzle, one hand holding a pen as the other slides his wire framed glasses up the bridge of his nose, singing, “I caught you lookin' at me when I looked at you; Yes, I did, ain't that true? You won't get embarrassed by the things I do; I just wanna dance with you…”

You greet him with a giddy smile, padding across the floor towards him, “Good morning.”

A smile stretches across his handsome face when he peers up at you from the newspaper, “Good morning, beautiful.” 

He sets the pen down and pushes off of the counter, meeting you with an outstretched hand. You take it, and he pulls you close, placing one hand on your waist. He guides you in a clumsy waltz to the tempo of the music. 

You giggle at him as he presses his forehead to yours. The lyrics of the upbeat ballad drift from his mouth, hot on your cheek. When the song ends, he keeps his fingers interlaced with yours and leads you to the kitchen island, where you take a seat on a stool across from him. 

He goes to the coffee pot and pours you a cup, then sets it down in front of you. Steam curls out of the white ceramic mug that reads CAVE WITHOUT A NAME. You wrap a hand around it, humming with glee, “Thank you, baby.” 

“Did you sleep good?” he asks, a grin spread across his face as he leans his elbows onto the newspaper. 

He is up to something.  

“I did,” your face flushes as your fingertip runs along the circumference of the steaming mug, collecting condensation, “I, um- I read your notes.” 

He brings his coffee mug to his lips and takes a sip, then sets it down and asks, “Did you like them?” 

You nod and your mouth gapes open as you try in vain to formulate words that could possibly explain the love and devotion bubbling inside you. Every moment you spend with him makes you love him even more. A feat you didn’t even think was possible. Yet, here you are. He wakes you up with love notes, dances with you in the kitchen, smiles at you with those fucking dimples, and you’re falling in love all over again. 

The euphoria that cycles through your veins when he’s touching you. The dread that clutches your heart when you imagine existing without his presence. The deep ache of adoration in your chest when you stare at him long enough to feel sentimental about it. All the ways he occupies your body and soul. Every ounce of you knows that this is it . 

Everything you can think of falls flat. Your face feels hot and your heart flutters. Happy tears prick in your eyes as they meet his and your eyebrows draw together, “You really wrote all of those?”  

He reaches across the countertop and closes your hand in his, nodding, “I did.” 

“Oh, Javi-“ the lump in your throat chokes you up and you wipe away the tears spilling onto your cheeks, “I’m sorry for crying, I just-“ you sniffle and pout at him, “I love you so much. I don’t even know how to explain.” 

“I love you too, cariño,” he rubs his thumb along the back of your hand affectionately. His smile hasn’t faltered, even as he tells you, “I think I’m going to get you to break your record today.” 

The record he speaks of is the number of times you’ve cried in a day. For the past week, tears have become a common reaction to overwhelming emotions. The pregnancy hormones are mingling with your recent life changes, on top of your predisposition to being a crybaby already, and have made you a sappy, teary-eyed disaster. 

Yesterday, he found you outside watching Pickles wriggle around on his back. Your eyes were puffy and bloodshot, face wet from bawling. When he asked what was wrong, your answer was, “Nothing, he’s just so cute I feel like my heart is going to explode.” 

Your record is 10 cries in one day. You’ve been awake for about a half an hour and have already cried twice. It’s an impressive start. 

You sniffle again and wipe the stagnant tears away, then start laughing because you can’t even continue to take him seriously. He’s just fucking beaming at you. 

“What the fuck are you laughing about?” he starts laughing, too, then makes his way around the counter to you. 

His rough hands cup your cheeks and you shake your head as you grin up at him, “I just think you’re really great.”

“Yeah?” his smile widens, and you nod in response. He leans in and presses his lips to yours. The kiss is a sweet peck, and you link your arms behind his neck to draw him in again, lingering longer this time. He inhales sharply as your tongue meets his, flipping your stomach upside down. His touch trails back to the hinges of your jaw, and he brushes the sleep-mussed hair from your face as the kiss deepens. 

A soft moan rumbles in your throat and you get to your feet, arching your back into him. His hands find your waist and pull you closer, and you can feel his cock hardening against you under the loose constraints of his lazy Sunday morning sweatpants. But he pulls back, speaking to you between needy, wet kisses, “Wait- mmm, gotta- gotta show you something-“ 

You pout and look up at him as you bring one hand down to his tented pants and rub your thumb in a circle against the tip of his length, “Can it wait?” 

He throws his head back as a hiss sucks the air from his lungs, then brings his eyes back to yours and shakes his head, “Can’t wait.” 

“Are you sure?” you bat your eyelashes and continue to tease him, feeling a bead of pre-cum wet the fabric between his cock and the pad of your thumb. 

A huge smile spreads across his face as he shudders, then pulls you back in for a smoldering kiss. He shakes his head as he gasps against your mouth, “So impatient, cariño.” 

“You want me to stop, baby?” you ask innocently, then roll your tongue against his and wrap your hand around his sweatpants-bound cock. He grabs your wrist gently and laces your fingers with his, then brings the back of your hand to his lips, where he plants a kiss. 

“What I want-“ he lowers himself onto one knee and pulls a little black velvet box out of his pocket. Every cell in your body comes to a standstill. He releases your hand so he can open it, revealing a gold band with a solitary sparkling white gemstone, “Is for you to marry me.” 

A surge of adrenaline floods your bloodstream, making you lightheaded, and you breathe, “Wh- what?” 

Your heart pounds impossibly fast in your chest as he looks up at you with those puppy dog eyes and asks, “Will you marry me?” 

Tears brim your eyes for the third time this morning, cheek-burning smile breaking out on your face when you answer him, “Fuck yes I will.” 

“Yeah?” he laughs and his smile is all dimples and perfect teeth when he plucks your hand up and slides the ring onto your finger. 

You laugh through your crying and nod. He gets to his feet and cups your cheeks again, thumbs wiping the tears away, and he kisses you with heat, guiding you backwards until you butt up against the dining room table. 

You cease kissing and throw your head back as laughter bubbles from your throat, “I can’t believe you just let me keep fondling you when you were going to ask that!” 

A smile stretches across his face as he chuckles and shrugs, “You’re very persuasive.”

Your eyebrow quirks, “Oh yeah?”

“But I couldn’t wait any longer,” his face softens into a loving gaze and your heart aches as it melts in your chest. He takes your left hand and holds it up so he can look at the ring he just adorned on your finger, and questions, “Do you know what today is?” 

Your stomach flips and you nod, “I met you five years ago today.” 

“That’s right,” the corners of his mouth upturn and he plants a kiss on your hand, “I fell in love with you five years ago today.” 

Your eyes sting as tears flood them again, the deep well of adoration and love you have for this man just too much to bear, and you pout, “This really isn’t fair, you’re trying to make me cry now.” 

His eyes fold into crescents as he laughs heartily, then presses his forehead against yours, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too, Javier,” you raise your hands to his face, thumbs scraping against the stubble he hasn’t shaved off yet this morning. He kisses you slowly, a series of lazy, wet lingering pecks. 

His hands trail down to your waist, then over and under your ass, palming the cheeks over your thin cotton robe. 

His nose nuzzles against yours and he hums in contentment, “Where were we?” 

“I think,” you drop your gaze to his tented pants and smirk as you bring your grasp around him, circling the dark gray wet spot with your thumb, “We were going to the bedroom.”

He groans at the touch, then shakes his head as he guides you onto the table and nudges your knees apart, “I want you right here.”

You let out a soft coo when he tugs on the sash of your robe until it’s undone and falls open, exposing your naked body. He cradles your head like it’s made of something delicate and priceless, then drags his tongue across yours, sending molten heat dripping down your spine. His lips press against your jawline and he hesitates. 

You whisper, “Kiss my neck.”

“Are you sure?” his eyebrows press together and he pulls back to meet your eyes, searching for reassurance. 

Recently, you both learned that touch to your neck is a trigger now. He has been cognizant not to touch you in the area since an incident, in which he innocuously put his hand to your throat during sex, led to your hyperventilating on the bedroom floor. 

Throughout your recovery after those two days in hell with Dan as your keeper, Javi has been fucking wonderful. 

When you wake up in the night, screaming and crying, thinking you’re still in that closet, he holds you, rocking back and forth, singing quietly as he strokes your hair and lulls you back to sleep. You do the same for him sometimes. 

In the first few weeks, when you would be alone for an extended period of time while Javi and Chucho were out working, panic attacks found you. You would call Javi from their home phone and he’d have you tell him all the things you could see that start with a certain letter, then he would talk you through grounding exercises. 

If it weren’t for the support you receive from him and your therapist, you would be a catastrophe. As opposed to what you are now, which is simply a mess. 

You nod and tilt your chin up, exposing the column of your throat, “I want it. I trust you.” 

“Will you tell me if it’s too much?” his touch falls to your ribcage and ghosts down your sides to your hips, pricking your skin with goosebumps. 

“I promise,” you breathe, and it turns into a gasp when his tongue massages a circle into your pulse. Your whole body shudders when he seals his lips against you and sucks gently. He migrates down your neck, leaving a trail of saliva shiny on your skin, sending your heart racing and your center vibrating with lust. 

“Oh, Javi, that’s so good baby,” you whimper to the ceiling, raking your fingers through his hair. His lips emit a low hum against you, moving to your collarbone where his teeth catch your skin. Your back arches into him, moaning in approval of the sharp sting. He soothes the bite with the gentle caress of his tongue. 

Rough hands skate along the tender skin of your thighs. The contact floods you with a neediness, and you grab at his shirt, whimpering, “I want you, Javi.”

He brings his lips to your ear and purrs, “I’m not done with you yet.”

“Come on,” you pout and reach for his swollen member, but he redirects your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. 

“You need to learn patience, babygirl,” he chastises, then flicks your earlobe with his tongue before grinding it between his teeth. A spring of pleasure flows down to your cunt. You moan in response, pelvis thrusting forward with a mind of its own. He whispers, “Does that sweet little pussy need attention?”

The words slither around inside you, making you squirm, and you nod breathlessly, “Y-yes.”

His free hand splays across your chest, “Well, that’s too fucking bad . Gonna take my time with you,” he warns as he pushes you back gently until you recline onto your elbows, “Gonna make you beg for it.” 

His hot gaze meets yours as his velvet tongue flattens on one of your pebbled nipples. His head swivels back and forth, dragging his tongue across the sensitive bud at a torturously slow tempo. Another shudder runs down the middle of you. 

“Fuck- “ you gasp, arching into the contact, head falling backwards for a moment before you return to meet his love-blown eyes. 

He responds by taking the nipple between his front teeth and tugging ever-so-gently. You moan from deep in your throat at the ripples of ecstasy that shoots across your body. Your cunt clenches around nothing. He moves to the other tit and works away, lapping and nibbling down on your nipple until you’re writhing beneath him, a constant stream of whimpers falling from your mouth. 

“Fuck me, please, Javi, please- “ 

“I will, cariño,” he promises, planting a hot, wet kiss on your sternum, then your belly, never breaking eye contact, “When I’m ready.” 

His tongue draws slow, lazy circles down the soft skin of your abdomen. The sensation rolls across your body and liquifies. He has you shivering and gasping at each touch. 

You huff, "Now?" 

He chuckles at your frustration, then instructs, “Scoot towards me.” 

You follow his order, wiggling forward until your glistening pussy is right on the edge of the table. His hands run down the backs of your thighs, and he spreads you open wide, on display for him. 

His eyebrows press into a crease and his lips form an "o" and he drops to his knees at the sight, purring, “I haven’t even touched this pretty pussy yet and, fuck, you’re already so wet.” 

“So fucking wet,” you whine, rolling your hips towards him, wordlessly begging him to touch you. 

His hot gaze locks on yours, looking up from between your legs as his tongue drags up the middle of your sex. Just a tease. A taste. You ache with want. 

“Fucking amazing, baby,” he breathes, and his gaze falls from yours as he gives his full, undivided attention to your cunt. His soft tongue starts rolling across your clit and you ascend to a different plane of existence. Those same molasses circles he drew all over your body, leaving a shiny trail of saliva to where he is now. Over and over and over again as he groans against you. 

The throbbing of pleasure keeps accumulating, condensing, slowly and steadily pushing you to new heights. Your face gets flushed and sweaty as your heart pounds in your chest. You roll your hips against his tongue, trying to get more. 

He rises to his feet and brings you closer, pressing his forehead to yours, cradling the back of your head with one hand as he pulls his sweatpants down with the other. His pants drop to the ground in a gray heap, releasing his thick, gorgeous cock. His lips capture yours with force, and he growls between messy kisses laced with your arousal, “See- how fucking- good you taste, cariño?”

"I love the way I taste in your mouth," you pant.

His thumb slides hard against your overly sensitive clit. The stimulation feels like an electric cattle prod to your pussy, sending your body bucking and shuddering. The pain is layered, though, and a deep want lays beneath. 

"Please, baby," you whine, grabbing at his shirt and tugging at him, "I need you, please-" 

You bite your lip in anticipation as the head of his cock nudges your entrance. His nose nuzzles against yours and he continues in a gravelly tone that ricochets down your spine, “Is that what you want, baby?”

Your lips form a pout and you nod, then gently thrust your hips against his, dipping him inside just enough to pull a rumble from his throat. The electric sharpness of his touch on your clit is overtaken by a wanton need for him to fucking destroy you. 

“Yes,” you whisper, tilting your pelvis against him, “Fuck me, Javi.”

He slowly drives his hips forward at your admission, filling you, sending waves of pleasure surging from your cunt to the tips of your toes. A moan is ripped from your throat and you throw your head back. He starts to fuck you, pumping into you deep and merciless. 

His lips find your neck again. He lays hot, wet kisses on the delicate skin. You run your fingers through his hair and gasp, “That’s fucking perfect, Javi, holy shit,” then tug at the front of his shirt, "Take it off."

He ceases movement, fully sheathed, and sits up, pulling the shirt off over his head. The shirt takes his new glasses with them and they clatter to the floor and he winces. You giggle at the clumsiness. The gentle jostling of your body around his cock trickles ecstasy into your center, and you gasp at the sensation. 

A sheen of sweat glistens atop his skin and he's panting as he meets your eyes with a grin. He looks happy. And in love. You probably do, too, because that's how you feel. The way your heart swells almost fucking hurts. 

You beckon him closer, and he follows, leaning in slowly to press his plush lips against yours. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, arching your back into him, digging your fingernails into his skin. He throbs inside you, making you gasp. His moan vibrates into your lips, and he starts pumping into you, faster, more frantic now. 

The way you're huddled against each other, whimpering between kisses, reveling in the divine pleasure each movement, each touch, brings you both. As it always does, it feels like you were made for each other. 

As if he can read your mind, he rasps, "I fucking love you."

"I love you, Javi. So- fuck- so fucking much," you pant, pulling his lips against yours again. 

He moans in approval and brings his hands to your waist, trailing up your back to your shoulders. He gets a grip on you here and leverages you down on his cock as he thrusts forward, setting a brutal pace. Your whole body buzzes and tingles, and the kisses grow more desperate. 

His hips snap into yours, bringing you up higher and higher as your muscles tighten and your body starts to quiver. 

“Javi-“ a choked sob escapes you as you start to ascend towards bliss, “I’m fucking cumming- oh, fuck-“

"Fuck yes, cum for me, babygirl," he orders through gritted teeth, "Wanna feel you squeeze me-"

You come completely undone, overtaken with ripples of ecstasy from your center. Your legs clamp down around his hips as your body spasms, and you can hear Javi moan in response to the sensation, pumping into you with reckless abandon a few more times before he spills inside you. 

Slowly, your muscles slacken and soften, but before you can release his shoulders from your grasp and lay back on the table, he whispers breathlessly, "Hold on tight."

"Wh-"

His hands move to your ass and you squeal when he picks you up. He carries you into the bedroom as you giggle into his neck, then you both tumble sideways onto the mattress. 

"Oh, that's so much better," he groans and sprawls out. 

You curl up into the crook of his arm, "You're the one that wanted to- nay, insisted that we- fuck on the table."

"Mmm," he hums and closes his eyes with a small smile playing on his lips, "Just wanted to eat your pussy for breakfast at the kitchen table."

This makes you laugh, loud and untethered, "Worth it?"

He chuckles and nods, eyes still closed, "Worth it." 

There's a flutter inside your belly and you gasp, "Oh my god, Javi."

"What?" his body tenses and his brow furrows. 

It flutters again and your eyes well with tears, "She's moving. I can feel her moving."

A dimpled smile stretches across his face and he sits up, placing a hand on your small, but still noticeable, baby bump. 

"I don't know if you'll be able to feel her kick on the outside," you tell him softly, then chuckle, "She's only a papaya right now."

"That's ok," he mumbles, smiling down at your belly, "Little Miss Rosemary Peña will be able to kick my ass before I know it."

"Probably," you tease. 

He grins at you and shakes his head, then lays back down, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to cuddle you closer. A comfortable, warm silence embraces the two of you, and your fingers trail along his chest, his belly, his face. Writing love notes on his skin. He plays with your hair and watches you with love sparkling in his dark eyes. 

You're home.

[ The End ]

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 8: Episode 5, AKA the one where we discuss Kerubim's dead family again

Since I made pointing out the food they eat A Thing we do here, let's start out with that for this episode.

First of all, their household is so fish-centric. An octopus? A lobster?? A different lobster and a fish?? Plus, multiple bags, one under the lobster, and one under the giant veggie on top of Joris's other veggies. Probably some grain, I guess. Simone is also carrying some greens in a bag.

Basically... Man, they love fish and veggies, I guess?

Yet again, we see Kerubim's low self esteem and need for validation in action.

Yes, he thinks he's amazing. Yes, he uses magic to force people to laugh at his jokes. And yes, it makes him very happy and proud.

Don't worry about it. :)

I find it kind of interesting that Joris is resistant to the magic, but the simplest explanation is that his soul is intermixed with a dragon. I won't think too much about this.

Joris should have a salary for the way Kerubim's reputation hinges on him not talking about the shit that goes on in their house.

Like the deadly swords and cursed items everywhere. Or having mold and rotting meat at every corner for his whole life.

Considering that bamboo milk is alcoholic, I am fascinated by the in-universe implications of this line.

I wish boil-able, alcoholic oat milk was real.

The best way to get Kerubim to do something stupid is to make fun of him. Again, his low, low self-esteem making an appearance.

Genuinely, instead of being at the bar, he should have been in therapy.

Very small note, but we can see an amputee among the many patrons who listen to Kerubim's scary drunken rambling. I wish more cartoons included this sort of thing.

Though, this might be a bit of a brick-joke, considering what we learn about YeCh'Ti and his arm collection.

COUGH COUGH COUGH. ANALYSIS EVENT LEVEL 10 ALARM WEE WOO WEE WOO.

Firstly, god. The sheer insanity of going from his child self's grief and pain over losing both of his parents, all of his sisters and brothers, to making jokes about this, jokes about having no family and being lonely.

Is it really funny to you, Keke? Or are you just pretending again?

Second of all... I could talk for hours about how much I love/despise this man, but fuck, the sheer level of cruelty in this line knows no bounds.

Are you really The Last Crepin in your family, Keke?

Or are you just being cruel and facetious again?

Cruel, and towards the only other person in the whole world who would understand what you went through, because he also went through it?

(This is, yet again, your signal to go read The Wheel of Destiny #8: Kerub Crepin and Dessous De Dofus)

No wonder Atcham wants to turn him into a coat. I would fucking hate him too.

Though, with Atcham kind of using his hate for him as a coping mechanism for not having control in his life, and canonically not thinking that Kerubim really... mistreated him, when they were young, it's far more complex than that.

Especially with the way Kerubim's own conflicted feelings on their relationship are portrayed in-canon.

I'm so normal about them. Haha.

...Aaaanyway, onto the rest of the ep, while trying to pretend this doesn't make me feel all sorts of emotions:

This moment is a continuity error, because Ogrest hasn't started his quest for Dofus yet. Also, he may not even be alive yet. Yes, Kerubim and Joris are that old.

It's too cute of an easter egg for me to mind, though.

God. Joris needs better loved ones. His standards are so low he's looking at Kerubim like 🥺

Something-something Kerubim would genuinely kill himself if it meant people thought he was funny and cool.

I don't think he learned anything from this, actually.

I think we have to kill this guy with hammers.