「 ✦ Selfish ✦ 」 Bungo Stray Dogs, Port Mafia: Dazai Osamu
a/n: hiiii h i hii! my first fic in god FOUR years??? i have never written for BSD before... but i'm excited to be a part of this community and get back into the ff writing scene and get to know everyone! i hope you will accept me as a part of ur community & that i can learn from everyone *__* onto the fic!
this takes place (s2 spoiler!) after oda's death while dazai is in port before he quits to join the detective agency. reader is female.
genre: angst and da nasty, f!reader
content: dazai is a meanie to you :((( meaningless sex, no aftercare, toxic and unrequited feelings, it's giving emotionally unavailable guy from tinder that you can't help but run to oops?
**minors DNI** cunnilingus & later he's a bit rough with you during sex
why is he so selfish? is it not so selfish to act this way? a girl like you in the port mafia head’s bedroom. shouldn’t you be with some do-gooder? you know dazai isn’t going to be your boyfriend, right? no matter how right you treat him?
he’s not going to say the words, ‘i love you,’ and the warmth you feel in his arms is lost in his eyes. leaning against his desk, dazai absent-mindedly uncloaks his jacket, staring out the apartment window that looks over yokohama. there’s a certain solemnity in his gaze, something that you can never read. these days, dazai feels more and more distant – even more than before.
you approach him from the doorway. gingerly, your fingertips graze his hand, which is idling on some papers on his desk. you touch him, and he doesn’t move, not even an inch, his hand limp and cold against yours. no, don’t touch me, he feels an urge to say. the thought even surprises him, though he understands the impulse. now that odasaku’s gone and died, this body of his suddenly feels dirty. he remembers oda’s words.
don’t touch me, dazai thinks to himself. he aches at your touch. but he relents. sighs into your touch, even.
“dazai, what’s wrong?”
his lips turn down slightly in a frown at your inquiry, eyes clouded over in thought. it’s only a moment. barely noticeable, though your keen eye observes it. then he chirps up, “well well, shall we get to it?” he brushes you aside completely. there it is again, that facade of his that comes so naturally it’s got everyone fooled… almost everyone, anyway. he turns around with that smile on his face. that fake smile of his that’s always bothered you. that smile haunts you.
dazai’s fingers find your waist, his hand settling on the small of your back. now, it’s you who wants to push him away.
he never answers your questions – he just leaves you in the shadow like the others.
“you said you have a treat for me, yes? you know i don’t like to wait for these kind of things~” he hums, looking at you devilishly. “now, how about we get right to it?”
this is always how it goes.
now his breath is hot on your neck, his voice a whisper in your ear. his grip on your hips tighten.
“dazai–” you gasp, suddenly becoming weak for him as he corners you into the desk. why is he so selfish? he thinks to himself again. he knows he’s being selfish. but he can’t help it. your body is warm, and his is so very cold. he wants to steal your warmth and keep it all to himself.
“ah-ha, don’t act so surprised now,” he teases, clicking his tongue against the back of his teeth. “this is what you want, right?” he pulls back again to make sure, a grin on his face. “or am i mistaken?” he’s not wrong – your little rendezvous at his apartment always start and end like this. you can never resist him. you feel your defenses lower. you want his defenses to lower for you, too.
but you know he’s not going to say the words, ‘i love you,’ and the warmth you feel in his arms is lost in those cold, unfeeling eyes.
why are you like this? you’re wondering to yourself. you know you’re being naïve again. why are you just like the others? you can’t stop comparing yourself to them, the countless imaginary women in your head. the thought of them makes you feel so helpless, so angry. when you relent to his touch like this, when you let him hold you like this, it feels so wrong. how many women has daza touched? how many girls has he brought here? did they all feel this way? do their hearts pound like yours? ache like yours?
“dazai…” your voice is weak. your voice is a whisper.
your voice is full of want.
your voice is full of need.
“i like it when you say my name,” he murmurs softly against your earlobe, his voice sending a shiver down your spine, a flippant grin forming on his lips as he brushes your hair to the side. you know just what comes next… and you’re not going to fight it, either.
his fingers travel up your body, then he grasps your neck in his hands. he teases the tender skin with his tongue, languidly licking along the side before finally taking you into his mouth and sucking gently. rougher, but never rough enough to leave a mark. he knows better than to mark you. you’re not his, and he’s not yours.
your head is spinning. your hand immediately goes for his pants, but he pushes you aside. “not yet –” slender fingers grab a hold of your waist and hoist you up to the table. “– face fuck me first.” he says it so casually and deadpan, it catches you off guard and makes your cheeks flush red. then he kneels before you and suddenly smirks up, some playful glint in his eye as he chuckles to himself, leaving you at a complete loss for words. dazai’s always like this, completely unreadable and unpredictable.
large hands travel up your skirt, smoothing the skin of your thighs. his gaze is full of wanton heat, full of lust, as his wandering fingers toy with the garter of your panties before slowly pulling your underwear down your legs. you shiver quietly and look away. “ah, embarrassed, are you?” he quirks his eyebrow, looking up at you deviously. no matter how much you’ve done this, you can’t help but feel flustered every single time. as you avert your gaze once again, he protests with a loud, exaggerated sigh. “uh-uh, eyes on me or i won’t do it at all. you want to watch, don’t you~?”
pulling you closer to him, he presses you to his eager lips. his tongue is warm and wet, and it knows you all too well from nights spent wrapped in his bandaged arms. you gasp at the sudden heat that envelops you, finding your hands suddenly tangled in his soft brown hair. he moans quietly against you, letting you know he enjoys your pleasure just as much, his fingers digging deep into the fat of your thighs. you try not to look but end up peeking at him only to meet his gaze, staring up at you shamelessly as he eats you, his saliva and your arousal smeared across his lips. soon enough, you feel his fingers penetrating you, one finger at first then two and three; he’s preparing you for him. you want him – “please… dazai… dazai…” his name is all you know, a quiet prayer on your lips. this man will be the end of you.
without saying a word, he suddenly grabs you again and tosses you on the bed with a reckless thud. you hear him shuffle through the desk for a condom, then he flips you onto your knees and pushes you into the mattress nonchalantly, like you’re no one at all. he doesn’t bother to take off the rest of your clothes or even his; he just unzips and lifts your skirt again, hands roughly grabbing a hold of your ass, then you feel the tip pressing flush against your entrance. “i’m gonna put it in now,” he says callously, not an ounce of feeling in his voice.
you’re so wet that it takes no time for you to stretch for him. he chuckles from behind you, an empty laugh. “i guess you enjoyed?” he teases, “you’re basically begging for it at this point.
reaching out to stroke your hair, dazai’s touch is gentle and almost loving as he lets the tendrils slip delicately through his fingertips. there it is again, you think to yourself as you feel a pang in your heart. that wretched touch that’s so achingly sweet it confuses you. there’s always that sudden switch up with, fleeting moments where he’s a different person. but it’s only an instance. he presses himself inside of you with a shaky breath, pushing you into the mattress roughly, and you find yourself in reality again. you don’t face each other. instead, you bury your face into the bed as he pulls you against him again and again and again until you forget all about that moment.
it’s better than way, you think to yourself. sometimes looking into his eyes is too confusing.
…
after all’s done, there’s nothing but silence between the two of you. dazai’s at his desk organizing some papers, and you’re sitting on the bed trying to collect yourself as the feeling of shame overtakes you. another night spent in this mysterious man’s bed, knowing you’re in love with someone who you can’t possibly ever have. as usual, you’re the first to break the silence. no point in asking him any more questions, or trying to make conversation. you’ve learned your place. “i should probably go,” you say.
dazai looks up at you for a second, almost disappointed, as though he were expecting you to ask him for more. it’s a rare instance of hesitation that surprises even him. “you can stay if you want,” he says flawlessly, acting it was a normal thing for him to ask you to stay in the middle of the day, for no reason at all. it catches you off guard, but the way that it comes out so naturally has you convincing yourself that the pause meant nothing. after all, what would dazai want with you? dazai is the head of port mafia. you are no one to him.
“didn’t you say there was something you wanted to give me?” he asks, snapping you out of your thoughts.
oh, that explains it all.
“oh, that — i, uh... i totally forgot,” you lie through your teeth. he looks almost disappointed, this time visibly frowning. but he perks up in no time.
“ah-ha, you’re so scatterbrained,” he says cheerfully, ruffling your hair. his words are followed by the emptiest laugh.
“next time?”
but dazai’s not there anymore. “right,” he says plainly, but he knows there is no next time. right, he’s being selfish, he thinks to himself. there’s no point in this at all.
you smile as best as you can, then the two of you wave farewell. as you walk down the steps of his apartment, you crumple an envelope in your hands, the reason you came in the first place, to deliver a letter you’d written weeks ago.
dazai:
i can’t see you anymore. it hurts to.
i can’t understand you at all.
i couldn’t tell you face to face because i knew i would cry.
i’m sorry i’m selfish.
you brought your hand to your mouth, suppressing the sob that was about to escape you. in your heart, somehow, you knew you couldn’t stop seeing him. his touch, his hands, his warmth, his scent. the way that he kissed you; the way that he fucked you. that lost look in his eyes. no, you could never leave him - for it’s become all too routine to you now.
what does he dream about? what does he smile about? what does he cry about? why do these things matter so much to you?
with these thoughts in your mind, you let your arms fall limply to your side and tossed the envelope into the garbage as you walked mindlessly from his apartment, the bitter taste of dazai’s tongue still on your lips.
© BSDAWGZ 2024. Do not steal or repost ANY of my works! That’s plagiarism, and it’s mean. :(( Beautiful dividers by @v6que~!
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Secretary (Javier Peña x Reader)
summary: You graduated from university with dreams of becoming a DEA agent. One year before your graduation, a class trip took you to Colombia, where you met Javier Peña. The two of you quickly bonded over the six months you spent together, but after you left, he grew distant. When you return as a freshly minted DEA agent, you discover that you have not been hired as a DEA agent, but as a secretary.
words: 5.2k
this ff takes place in the late 1980s! (but you still can chat with him? yeah, doesn't make sense)
trigger warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI, age gap(reader in her 20s, Javier in his late 30s), explict language, mentioning of s3x in public, fluff, violence, smoking, being catcalled and harrased by a man, a little bit of angst (?), spoilers of narcos season 1 (?), one mention of y/n
a/n: sorry for taking a while for writing a new ff, but i thank you for over 500 likes on bad guy and also thank you so much for over 108 followers<3 this really keeps me motivated to write.
I also apologize if I mess up the plot of narcos and don't get everything right like it is in the series. English is not my first language and I'm not finished with the series yet. I just finished season 2 episode 3, and lord have mercy with this sex scene of pedro.
But please don't spoiler me in the comments what happens next in the series, thanks<3
And I guess I'll be making a little series out of this, when my creativity is working, what do you think?
i wish you a fun time reading:)
-------------------♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡--------------------
You are finally getting your mark on your uniform from your teacher. You stand there with a proud smile, looking into the crowd and seeing your parents.
You finally graduated from university to be a DEA agent.
Since you were a kid, your dream was always being a DEA agent, just like your dad. Your dad was stationed in Colombia, that’s why you didn’t see him that much, but when you came visiting him or he came home to Miami, he told you about his stories. He told you how he chased drug traffickers, went on missions and all the other stuff. As a kid, it just amazed you.
That’s why you began to train early for being an DEA agent. Since you were 5, you started solving riddles, like: ‘who stole grandma’s cat?’ and so on. When you got older, you loved solving murder, drug cases or already solved cases from your dad, which you had to solve again.
And it was pretty fun… and to be honest, you were god damn good.
That’s why after you finished high school with 19 years, you went to a DEA university. You were lying, if you're saying it wasn’t pretty hard… sometimes, when you were on your lowest, you even thought about quitting. But even if it was difficult, you didn’t want to throw away your dream, so, you kept going.
One year before your graduation, you went to Colombia with your class. You stayed there 6 months and of course your lessons continued there.
You visited the station where your dad was working and that was also the time where the hunt of Pablo Escobar started. And also, the time… well, where you met Javier Peña.
Every Sunday, you and your class were allowed to go to the station and were shown around, got told some stories and some tips how life works as a DEA agent. It was pretty interesting…
and who really made it interesting was Javi.
You and Javier got pretty close for the whole six months. You got friends… well maybe a little more than that…
Of course, you also met his partner Steve Murphy and you got along also, but just as friends.
You didn’t remember exactly how everything with Javier started, but in the first weeks you were going to the station, you and Javi always talked and you two just got along well. Sometimes he would steal you from the rest of the group to show you some more private folders, because he knew how interested you were in all of this… and also, to make out with you.
But expect of how good he kisses… or fucks.
He was there when you needed him.
Unfortunately, in the last month, your dad got injured when he was on a mission with Javier and Steve. Your dad got shot bad in a shooting and when you got the news, Javi was there to comfort you. Luckily, your dad did survive, but he was left incapable of working ever again.
Also, you didn’t ever know, what you and Javier really are. You know, he slept with a lot of women, mostly to gain information for work, but he also stopped sleeping with other women, for the whole six months when he was with you,
well, that’s what Steve told you.
But he never actually asked you if you would be his girlfriend or something… but neither did you.
One time when he showed your class around, the topic was the balance between work and personal life. He told everyone that he personally doesn’t do ‘relationships’ because of work and he isn’t interested in it, he finds it more exciting to get to know many women. And that’s what probably kept you from asking him because you were scared to get rejected.
Of course, you fell in love with him, but you thought he didn’t.
Also, your dad doesn’t know anything about what you and Javier had… and if he would have found out, he would probably fire Javier. Since his incident he was very protective over you and worried about you getting a DEA agent like him.
But nothing got in your way again, even if you were really not feeling great because Javi and you barley had contact after you left.
You kept going.
And now you're finally standing on the stage, proud with your mark on your uniform and even graduated as the class best.
At the evening you begin packing your suitcase for the flight to Colombia. You planned since the beginning of your studies, to go back to Colombia and work at the same station your dad did. You feel excited of the thought that your dream is finally going true. Also… how will it be meeting Javi again?
You sigh at the thought and suddenly your phone vibrates. You grab it and look on the display.
-
Javi
‘heard you graduated, congratulations, hermosa.
-
Your heart skips as he writes you that and you don’t notice how red your cheeks get. He didn’t write you often, nearly never, but when he did, he continued calling you hermosa, cariño,… and all the other names he had for you.
-
you
thanks, agent. maybe I’ll be your boss soon.
Javi
you wish. your dad told me to pick you up at the airport tomorrow.
-
You start to get a nervous feeling in your chest, but also can’t help to smile.
-
you
okay, looking forward for tomorrow then, agent.
Javi
see you tomorrow, cariño.
-
You throw your phone on your bed and lay down next to it. You can’t keep down your butterflies in your stomach. The thought of seeing him again after one year has you smiling, but also getting you even more nervous.
What should I say when he picks me up?
Should you hug him? What if he kisses me?!
God, I really need to know what to talk about, I hate awkward silence.
You think and start panicking. You groan in frustration into your pillow. You grab after your phone and scroll through your chats with Javi.
Your smile fades as you see your calls he didn’t pick up, how he responded to some messages from you after literally one month. Sometimes he didn’t even respond. You know, he has really much work to do and doesn’t have it easy… but seeing how he barley contacted you, makes you feel disappointed… you really thought he would like you back…
Maybe I have to high expectations, you think.
Maybe he doesn’t care so much about that, but you do. You gave him your trust in so many ways…
And with that thought, you get up with a sigh and look frustrated at your closet. You watch at some of your bikinis. “yeah, I think I’m going to take this one”, you mumble to yourself with a smirk, taking the string bikini in his favourite colour.
…
You walk towards the exit with your two suitcases and back bag. As you step out of the airport, you take in the warm, tropical breezes. You feel the air brushing across your skin and hair. The sun’s rays are warm and comforting as they peek through the clouds. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, taking a moment for yourself that you’re finally reaching your dream.
“bienvenido a casa, hermosa.”, you hear a very familiar voice saying and you wince.
“goddammit- you scared the shit out of me”, you say out of breath and then take a moment to look at him. He’s leaned against the car, with a cigarette between his fingers. Your feelings are going insane again. He’s still the same, just like when you left. But… he got a little more muscular.
“really? that’s how you act when we see each other after this long time?”, he chuckles and raises an eyebrow.
“shut up”, you mumble as you roll your eyes and walk towards him. You don’t think about it and just wrap your hands around his neck and pull him into a hug. You hug him tightly and you don’t know why, but your eyes start to get wet. Smelling his scent again of cigarettes, leather and musk… it’s addicting.
As you feel how he pulls you closer by wrapping his hands around your waist, your heart skips.
“missed me?”, he whispers and you sense his smirk. “maybe.”, you answer and even if you don’t want to, you end the hug and go some steps back to take your suitcases.
As you feel a wet drop rolling down your cheek, you immediately wipe the tear away and pull yourself together to give him a happy smile. “would you mind helping me with these?”, you point out your baggage.
Javi chuckles as he takes the last drag out of his cigarette until he throws it away and takes two of your suitcases, putting it into the trunk. “god woman-, how many clothes have you in these?”, he gasps and closes it.
“‘need something to dress, you know”, you chuckle and roll your eyes while going into the car. You expected him to say something like: “around me you won’t have to wear many clothes”, but… obviously he holds himself back.
You take a seat next to him and he starts the engine, drinking away from the parking lot. You roll down the window to let the warm breeze of Colombia fly against you. As you were driving through the city, you couldn’t help but just stare out of the window. “feels good to be here again”, you mumble and notice how much you missed this.
You expected him to say something like: “feels good to have you near me again”, but no… nothing.
After a while you finally hear his voice again. “class’s best huh?”, he chuckles and you roll your eyes. “yeah. my dad told you?, you ask and see him nod. “yeah”
“How’s the situation with Pablo? I watched the news, but they don’t tell much and you never know if they’re telling real shit.”, you ask while looking at all the buildings. You see kids play soccer outside and smile. “He’s a fucking pain in the ass, that’s what I can tell you”, Javier mumbles while concentrating on the road.
“You know, we’ll be working together now, you can tell me?”, you point out and raise your eyebrows.
“Let me say, the situation got worse. It’s true that he killed all these people by blowing up an airplane”, he answers and you gulp when you hear that. “There’s a fuckin’ war right in Colombia.”, he adds.
You see that he’s tense because of this topic. As you take a closer look at his face, you also notice he didn’t get proper sleep for like a whole month. “And… you’re fine?”, you mumble concerned.
“I’m fine, hermosa. Nothing to worry about.”, he answers and drives in the streets of Medellin. You remember now where you are. You see the streets you and your class walked down. You also remember that you will soon drive past an ice cream truck… and memories pop up in your mind.
…
Javier kidnapped you from a trip with your class through the streets of Medellin, again. You were walking down the road, he was right behind you and constantly staring at your ass, because you wore a shorts.
How couldn’t you? It was like 40 degrees in the middle of the day.
A heat wave was surrounding you and the sun was shining right into your face. “you’re not very unobtrusive when it comes to staring, you know.”, you smirk and take a quick look behind you.
“maybe I don’t want to be unobtrusive…”, he says while taking a drag from his cigarette. You roll your eyes at him. You just continue walking and hear a chuckle behind you as you rolled your eyes.
As you keep walking, you spot an ice cream truck. “You know, I really need to cool down now.”, you say and with that you just cross the street, walking towards the ice cream truck. “ice cream, really?”, you hear Javi saying behind you. “You want one too?”, you ask but he shakes his head to no in response.
“Hola señor, me gustaría una cucharada de vainilla y fresa en la oblea, por favor.”, you order in Spanish. You smile proud as the man in the truck understands you and gives you a smile. “Impressing.”, you hear Javier whispering right behind you what makes you laugh. Your Spanish wasn’t actually that bad, when you came to Colombia as a kid to visit your dad, you heard this language all around you. And in school you also had some Spanish lessons.
The man hands you over the ice cream and you hand him the money instead. “Gracias”, you say with a kind smile and then go on the crosswalk again. You and Peña walked to a shady spot, to give you two a break from the burning sun.
You start licking your ice cream from the bottom to the top. And, he was watching you.
He sees how you take long stripes of the ice cream, sometimes licking just the tip. Because of the hot Colombian sun, the ice cream begins to melt quickly.
Drops of ice cream land on your hot, light sweated neck, your thighs and your chin. Then, also on your tank top. “Fuck…,” you mumble and don’t notice how hard you’re making it for Javier. You take your finger, wipe the ice cream away and lick it off your finger.
“goddammit, y/n.”, you hear him cuss quietly, you look at him and notice the bulge on his jeans. “Ops.”, you say innocently and chuckle. You just continue licking your ice cream while looking directly into his eyes. You love teasing him… and always know where it leads you too.
It doesn’t take long to Javier grab your arm and drag you into a small alley. You let your ice cream fall, because of him. “Javi! My ice cream!”, you say literally heart broken like a kid and pout.
Suddenly you feel his tongue licking up the ice cream, which landed on your neck. “Javi, what are you-“, he cuts you off by smashing his lips onto yours. His tongue slips into your mouth, tasting the flavour of your ice cream.
Some minutes later, you find yourself being fucked from behind and pressed against the cold wall.
…
You don’t notice you’re pressing your tights together, but he does. “How about we get some ice cream? I really want to have ice cream now”, you ask with a slight smile on your face. You wanted to see if he remembered, if his body still responses to the memories of you.
And… it does.
He hesitates and wants to disagree. “Please...”, you beg and you know one thing, he can’t resist your begging… well, not for a long time.
You hear him let out a loud sigh, before whispering a quiet: “okay”.
Yup, still works, you think.
He pulls over and parks right next to the ice cream truck. And it’s really the same as one year ago.
You get out of the car and order yourself an ice cream, you feel him looking at you while you’re waiting. After you finally got your ice cream, you come back in the car and buckle up. You took the same flavours as last time. You take a long stripe of the ice cream and let out a soft satisfying moan.
God, how you missed this.
You hear Javier starting the engine quite impulsive and you can’t help but chuckle.
“So, where we’re going?”, you ask while licking your ice cream. “I’ll let you out at your dads old apartment. You can get yourself comfortable there and unpack your suitcases until I pick you up to drive to the station.”, he says tense but focussed on the road. You let out a cute short “okay” and just continued looking out of the window.
After thirty minutes, you arrive at the building where your dad’s old apartment was. You get out of the car and Javier opens the trunk, taking out your suitcases. As you wanted to take the suitcases, Javier has them already in his grip and getting them up the stairs.
“such a gentleman”, you tease and he opens the door of your building. “just get your ass up these stairs”, he says while rolling his eyes and you laugh.
As you two walked up some stairs, you finally arrived at your apartment. He gets out the keys your dad left for you and locks up the door. You walk through the door and immediately look around while Javier is getting your baggage inside. “It’s cute”, you say and walk to the front door, where he’s standing.
“There you go, cariño.”, he hands you over the keys, “‘gonna pick you up at 4, okay?”, you nod in response. “Thanks”, you say to him with a smile before he closes the door and you see him driving away.
You sigh and everything still feels pretty unrealistic. You go on your small balcony, feeling the hot sun burning in your skin. “I’m back, Colombia.”
You started unpacking your suitcase and made yourself comfortable. You took a shower, put a little make up on to cover the rings under your eyes and got yourself a dress. You’re wearing a white tank top with a shorts, since it’s still very hot outside. “I really need to go grocery shopping...”, you mumble when you’re looking in the empty fridge. You grab an apple out your bag pack and take a bite.
You look at the clock and it’s already 4 o’clock. You grab your cardigan, in case it gets colder in the evening and walk down the stairs, going out on the street and looking around for Javier. It doesn’t take long until you see a black Jeep Cherokee driving down the street.
Yeah, that’s him.
He pulls over and is leaned out of the window with a cigarette in his fingers. He’s wearing the same as in the morning, but now with yellow toned sunglasses.
God, he looks fucking hot.
“Ready?”, he asks while taking a drag of his cigarette. “always”, you reply with a smirk and get in the car. As he starts driving, you feel the excitement building up in you. The thought of you finally working and getting your place in a DEA station, makes your heart jump from happinesses. You worked your whole life for this.
You don’t live far away from the station and as Javier was parking, you saw Steve waiting outside. A big smile comes across your face. You two get out of the car and we’re walking towards the entrance.
“Hello, newbie”, Steve chuckles as he pulls you into a hug. “Shut up”, you roll your eyes and hug him back. “good to see you again”, he says as he lets go of you and you give him a smile. “good to see you too”, you reply and suddenly the door opens and Colonel Carrillo comes out.
You’ve seen him not often, just sometimes when your dad talked with him. “Buenos días, señorita Álvarez”, he says and offers his hand for a handshake. You give him a smile. “Colonel Carrillo.”, you nod and shake his hand, as Javi and Steve greet him too. ”also congratulations for graduating”, he says kind but with a stern face. “Follow me”, he says and walks into the station with you three following.
You squeak quietly because of excitement and your heart beats out of your chest. You walk through the hallway, and already seeing the office of the DEA agent, but instead of walking further, Carrillo opens the door to the secretary’s office.
“There you go”, he says and you just stand there confused. But not only you’re confused, you also feel Javier and Steve’s confusing look. “Um… that’s the secretary’s office”, you mumble and Carrillo nods. “Yeah.”, he says confidently. “I’m a DEA agent, sir.”, you point out, still completely confused.
“Oh, your father didn’t told you yet?”, you shake your head to no. “Your dad wanted you to watch first, to get some feeling for the job before working completely as a DEA agent. Also, the case with Pablo Escobar is kind of heavy.”, Carrillo continues explaining and you can’t believe what you’re hearing.
“What.”, you gasp slightly and feeling complete anger flowing through your whole body.
“‘being your boss soon’, huh?”, you hear Javi quoting your message with a chuckle. You find that anything but funny. “Shut the fuck up.”, you growl to him, and then force a smile to Carrillo.
“If you would excuse me for a minute, sir.”, you mumble tensely and get out of the office, walking out of the station and calling your dad. Murphy and Peña follow you outside, watching you walk up and down while holding your cellphone to your ear.
“poor girl.”, Steve sighs while leaning against the wall. “guess daddy is pretty scared for her”, he adds and Javi sighs while lighting up a cigarette, handing the lighter to Steve. “I mean, she isn’t bad… I think she would be a good help for us.”, Javi says while taking a drag of his cigarette while they watch you literally yell into your cellphone.
“Dad what the actual fuck?! You know how hard I worked for becoming an agent, and now you’re hiring me as the fucking secretary?”, you yell upset. “You’re not even working as the Colonel with Carrillo anymore, how can you still decide something like that!?”
“I wouldn’t want to get into an argument with her, that’s clear..”, Steve mumbles as he’s taking a drag of his cigarette too and looks over to Javi, who’s just watching you.
“You’re planning to fuck with her again?”, he asks and laughs slightly. “Shut up, Murphy”, Javi mumbles. “No I mean seriously… I know you like her, man”, Steve says while you’re still yelling into your phone, shortly before throwing it on the street.
“‘dunno… I didn’t reply to her calls, or texts often after she left…”, Javi sighs.
“Wow.”, Steve gasps as he finishes smoking. “You really are an asshole”, Steve points out and claps on his shoulder.
“but seriously, she likes you, Peña. Make it up to her ”, he says seriously while you’re on the edge to destroy your phone. “You really need a woman in your life, man”.
“Dad, I’m fucking 26! I can take care of myself”, they hear and see you scream.
Javi starts thinking about Steve words and finishes his cigarette too.
“she’s not gonna throw her phone, is she?”, Steve asks while raising his eyebrows as he keeps watching you how literally go rage. “If you think that, you don’t know her enough”, Javi just answers and one second later, you hang up and throw your cellphone directly throw it on the ground.
Steve just stays there in shock. “Told you”, Javi chuckles. As Steve sees how you walk towards them, he immediately makes his way into the station again. “‘need to do some paperwork”, he excuses and Javi rolls his eyes at him.
You take a deep breath and walk to Javi. “Well unfortunately my dad thinks I’m incapable of taking care and defending myself, even if I trained my whole fucking life for this.”, you complain and run your hand through your hair.
“'guess being class best and graduating after such a long time, isn’t enough.”, you sigh and try to calm down. Javi just keeps looking at you.
“I’ll talk to him”, he suddenly says and you look at him. “what? with my dad? that won’t help”, you scoff. “No, I mean with Colonel Carrillo. "I have a good rapport with him.”, he tells you and puts his hand into his pockets.
“If it doesn’t help, you can come over to us in secret, going through some folders and stuff”, he suggests and you nod slowly. “yeah…”, you just sigh. “thanks.. “, you add, turn around and take your phone with a pretty broken display from the ground.
“Would you mind driving me to the grocery store? I don’t have my car yet”, you ask after some minutes of silence. He takes a look at his watch. “Well, I have thirty minutes until my shift begins, if you do it quick, then I can drive y-”, he replies while still leaning against the wall. “good, thanks.”, you cut him off and make your way to his car.
…
You're leaned on the card and walk through the market. Your cart is already half full and you’re soon finished. Javi was walking behind you and the whole time his eyes were fixed on your ass, you could feel it.
And that’s why you couldn’t stop smirking. “Stop smirking so much, you’ll get wrinkles”, he chuckles and you make your way towards the checkout. “says the man who’s soon in his 40s”, you tease him back and he laughs.
How much you love his laugh…
When you walk to his car with him carrying your two full grocery bags, he takes a look at his watch again and you hear him cuss in Spanish. “I’m already ten minutes late..”, Javier hisses.
“Oh, I’ll walk the rest. My apartment is not far from here and I have to get my cellphone repaired anyway.”, you say, wanting to take the bags from his hands. “I won’t let you walk home alone on these streets, especially if it’s getting dark.”, he says serious, not handing you over the bags. “I can defend myself, it’s fine. Go to work”, you mumble more seriously and grab your bags, ripping them out of his grip.
“When something happens to you-“, you cut him off. “Go to work”, you shout and make your way on the other side of the street.
You hear him cuss in Spanish behind you and just chuckle. You changed in many ways after one year, but one thing always stayed the same.
Your obstinacy, confidence and trust in your skills.
“maybe if you hadn’t been busy with staring at my ass, you would’ve checked the time earlier.”, you shout with a cheeky smile to him as he goes into his car. You chuckle and hear him drive away.
You know when the whole case about Pablo Escobar wasn’t so serious, you know he would’ve driven you home, but unfortunately it was.
It was getting dark and you made your way to a electronic shop. After you talked with the man behind the counter, he told you, you can pick up your phone tomorrow.
When you got out of the store, it was dark outside and got kinda cold. You wanted to put on your cardigan, but notice that you forgot it in Javier’s car. “fuck..”, you mumble and continue walking with your grocery bags.
A group of men were walking next to you on the other side of the street, beginning to catcall you. You start to feel uncomfortable and walk a little quicker, ignoring them. They were continuing catcalling you, and being a woman, alone on a street while it’s fucking dark, is kind of scary.
But that’s life as a woman, I guess…, you think
But you pull yourself together and remind yourself of your confidence, knowing you would knock the fuck out of them. You were five minutes away from your apartment, but suddenly one of the men decided to switch sidewalks and walk to you.
“Buenas noches, hermosa. ¿Buscas alojamiento?”, he asks while walking next to you.
Someone else calling you hermosa, who’s not Javier, gives you the shivers.
Your Spanish wasn’t perfect, but you think he asked you if you have a place to sleep tonight or something.
You continued ignoring him, and he continues speaking to you, but now you didn’t understand shit… and to be honest, you didn’t want to understand it.
You could sense and smell he’s drunk. “Vete a la mierda”, you tell him to fuck off.
Suddenly he grabs your arm, and that was it. You let fall your grocery bags, grab his hand and kick him right into his balls. He couldn’t react fast enough because of the alcohol, so you also kicked him with your knee right into his face.
You hear a car coming nearer, but ignore it. As the guy lies on the ground, you punch him right in his face. You hear his mates being shocked. “You want too? Come here then!”, you shout challenging, but they didn’t thought twice and ran away.
You just scoff as you see them walking away and bending down to grab to pick up your groceries.
Suddenly, you feel a hand on your back. “Cariño, are you o-“, before your brain can process and recognise that it’s Javier’s voice, you punch him directly into his face. You hear him groan in pain and as you look up, you see his car. “Omg- I’m so sorry-“, you panic and take his hand into your face, looking at his bleeding nose. You take out a tissue of your shorts and hold it against his nose.
“I thought it was someone of these men-“, he cuts you off and takes the tissue himself. “You got a hell of a punch, you know that”, he says while holding the tissue at his nose.
A part of your brain starts thinking, he deserves it. For ignoring you for so long. You start to form s slight smirk on your lips, but then throw the thought away.
“What a secretary I am, huh?”, you chuckle and pick up your groceries. He stuffed the tissue into his nose and then helps you, getting all your groceries together and then lifting up your grocery bags.
“Don’t you have to work?”, you ask him confused because it was just 20 minutes ago when he left. “‘told Carrillo I forgot a folder at home, I can’t let a beautiful woman like you, walk home alone.”, he says while going to his car. “but I have to say, you handled the situation pretty well, he’s completely knocked out.”, he smirks and gets the grocery bags in his car.
As he called you beautiful, you blush slightly and take a seat in his car. “‘didn’t train for nothing, you know”, you giggle while he starts the engine and drives you home.
As you arrive after literally 2 minutes, you take your cardigan and get out of the car. “thank you for still looking for me”, you mumble and put the cardigan on.
“no problem… but I kind of deserved this punch, didn’t I?”, he sighs while you take your grocery bags.
Now you can’t hide your dirty smirk anymore.
“Yeah, you kind of did”, you answer and close his car door.
“‘wish you a good shift then, be careful”, you give him a smile and then walk to the building, getting out your keys. “see you tomorrow, hermosa”, he calls after you and as you walk through the door, you hear him drive off.
...
The next morning you finally got your car and could drive alone. Even if you enjoyed Javier’s as your driver. You get to the DEA station and walk to your office…
You see a sign with your name on your desk, and under it is written: secretary.
Yup, still hate that, you think and let out a loud sigh.
You take a seat on your chair and lean back. After a while some woman comes in and gives you some paperwork, and also a folder that you can catch up with everything. Even if the thought, that you normally could work in the DEA office to take down some of Pablo’s guys, makes you angry, you need to live with it for a while now. And then, you get started…
After some hours you hear a knock on your door. “Come in”, you say loud and as you look up who it is, you roll your eyes. “Agent Peña”, you call him while having the folder in the hand.
“‘The previous secretary was fired because being caught flirting, kissing and sleeping with one of the agents’”, you read out loud and then look up at him. “And who might that be huh?”, you ask serious while raising an eyebrow at him, knowing exactly who it probably was.
“Even if you won’t believe me now, it wasn’t me”, he answers and places a coffee on your desk. You raise your eyebrows at him. And he was right, you didn’t believe him.
But, why should you care? You’re not together or anything… but the thought of him fucking another women, makes you jealous… and kinda sad.
“you’re fucking all your secretaries now, Agent Peña?”, you ask cheeky while being leaned back in your chair. He just chuckles while shaking his head and places his hands on your desk, leaning against it.
“No, just you.”, he answers and you choke on your coffee because you took a sip.
“We’re definitely not fucking and I’m not your secretary.”, you say serious to make a point.
He takes a cigarette from his ear into his fingers and puts it between his lips, while making his way out of your office.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that in some weeks.”
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✧・゚Hands | Sakusa Kiyoomi — we all got a hand kink.
✧・゚tags— hand kink, dom!Sakusa, penetrative sex, consent, cum eating, foreplay
✧・゚notes — I want to credit @tsukiboo as inspiration. They made a post about Tsukishima's hands that I could not get out of my head. In the end tho, I thought I would be best if it was Sakusa Kiyoomi ff. Anyway- I hope you enjoy this. Keep in mind I have not been writing for long so give me grace.
✧・゚— word count: 2.3K
Taking a sip of her coffee, she sits next to him. Taking in the morning sun as it sneaks through the window, the calm of finally resting after working her ass of at work and the man in front of her, typing away at his laptop. Unfortunately, unlike her he didn't get off but works remote so he's always at home. That is her point of contention. Him being here but not actually being able to be here, with her. To actually spend time together. Instead she reminisces, her head flooded with memories of him.
With every passing memory she grins to herself and continues to survey him. His black strands still dishevelled because he did not feel the need to deal with it and y/n had already occupied the bathroom moisturising her scalp and combing out her afro.
She surveys him as he casually licks his lips, his puffy red nose that always accompany him when he wakes up and to his distaste overstays it's welcome.
But what instantly grabs her attention, is his arms. Inwardly, salivating as she gawks at them. At his rolled up grey sleeves that outline the slight tone of his muscles and reveal them. His hands decorated with veins and the ring she was hesitant to give him because she assumed that he 'wouldn't be into something like that'. Determined to prove to her that he was, that he actually loved the thoughtful gift, only taking it off to clean it or showering, always wearing the silver ring. She presses her thighs together as she thinks back to the sensation of him tracing the cold ring all over her body.
Her thought drift her to the start of their relationship. Before this started she knew he was not very fond of just anything/ anyone touching him. He is still slightly particular of hygiene. She noticed how he would tense every time any part of her body would so much as graze his. So, she stopped trying and became distant. He noticed, and made an effort to touch her more.
In the end, he ended up craving it, though he would not show it openly. His hands remember every one of her curves. To the extent where he feels the sensation tingle across his hands even when he is not touching her. He would close his eyes and let every part of her body, that he ran his hands across, drown his thoughts while grinding his hands together in an attempt to replicate the sensation.
She sits waiting to spend time with him. She sits spending time with him. Observing, his long slender fingers gracefully gliding across the keyboard. She sits patiently, ogling his hands, relieved that he is too busy completing his code to question her, giving her the opportunity to respectfully, observe his sculpted hands.
"Y/n," he calls as he continues to work at his code.
"Mmmh?" She mumbles, raising her eyes to meet his, still planted on his screen.
"Do you need anything?"
"No." She lies, cupping her cheek. "Actually," he raises his eyebrows. "Do you have a hand to spare?"
He immediately gives her his right hand. Typing with his left. She smiles, tracing her warm fingertips across his cold veins, comparing their hands by pressing them together.
"Baby, I kinda need my hand if you're done." She lets go. "I don't know why you like them so much."
"What?"
"My hands."
"No, I don't." She cheekily retorts.
"You've been staring at them again." She smiles in defeat. "I don't know," she steals his hand back, connecting it with hers. "Their just so..."
He removes his eyes from his screen looking down at her tilting his head. She mimics his movement with a grin. His mouth corner rises before falling and him returning to his computer. She mumbles something about getting breakfast ready to detract him from further questioning her as she continues to stare at his hands. The hands he loves wrapping around her thighs, torturously slow.
Those hands that make her think back to the times she'd tape his fingers for him before every match.
Sitting at a bench as wondering eyes walk by and she would nervously look up at them. "You're nervous" Her eyebrows knot as she glares at him. "I'm not- it's just- nevermind." She simply sighs and continues to tape his fingers. Gently twirling the sports tape around his fingers. He attentively watches her as she does so. Done, he gets up. He throws his jacket over her shoulders, looking down at her, his taped hands cupping her face, before regrouping with his team.
Getting up she retreats to the fridge. She could feel his eyes on her as she grabs some milk and cereal from the cabinets below. Taking a spool full of cereal she walks past him into the living room. She hops on the couch, taking another bite. Switching the TV on, she flips through before settling on a show she regularly, quite intentionally procrastinates watching to the end. She absentmindedly watches the show. Her eyes planted on the tv but mind preoccupied with his hands.
The hands that gently wraps around her throat. The hands that holds her waist and pulls her to him. The hands that holds hers. The hands that holds firmly as her hips as he fucks into her.
Hands. His hands, drown her thoughts. Those hands she wants caressing every part of her body. That's all she can think about. Her mind consumed with his large calloused hand. She groans in frustration slightly shifting picking up the remote to rewind. He looks over his shoulder before returning to his screen.
Hours later, she hears him finally shut his laptop and the shuffling of his slippers as he shuts the curtains before making his way toward her. Looking up from her phone, the sun had gone down. Lifting the comforter he sneaks next to her.
"Week's work is done." He gives a tired smile. "I'm all yours."
At the start of their relationship, he had noticed how she would stare at his hands. As he turned the page of the book he was reading, her staring down at him from the spectators seats as he practiced and him simply washing his hands. Her eyes would fixate on him and his so-called perfect hands. Always "observing" as she puts it.
Sakusa knew she liked his hands. Maybe it is because after he started to really get comfortable he became completely enamoured with her. Touching her. He grew addicted. Though it was beyond him why she liked his hands, the arrangement worked for them both. He most certainly used it for his pleasure and most importantly hers.
Turning to face her, he sneaks his hand onto her thighs. Smiling, when she faced him. “Very interesting show. Don’t you think?” “Yeah…”
He continues to rub as her soft thighs, placing emphasis on scars and dark marks by pressing softly and gently rubbing. Gliding his hands up and down. She attempted to pay attention to the TV but her eyes settled on his hand. Rubbing and squeezing, his large hands caressed her thick thighs. Her breath shortens with every caress. His hand inching closer to where she desperately wants his fingers to entertain.
Abruptly, his hand comes to a halt. Her eyes shoot forward at the TV screen. Removing, his hands on her thigh he brings it to her face. Placing it as the side of her cheek turning her head toward him. Her brown eyes settle on him with her chest softly rising and falling. Her cropped t-shirt outlining her chest delicately. Pulling the comforter off he stands staring down at her.
He stands awkwardly for a bit before gathering his words. “Would you like it if I- uhmm…?”
“Yes,” she jolts. Extending his hand he helps her get up.
The walk to their bedroom down the hall was tense as she tilted her head to glance at the man behind her. Entering the room, his scent with a hint of perfume hits her. She relaxes looking back as the door clicks closed. He walks her way, towering over her. He cups her chin his eyes darting across her face. “Sit on the bed and face the mirror.”
She crawls onto the bed staring at herself through the mirror. At her gown draped over her, then at him climbing behind her. Their eyes meet and she gives him a nod. Touching her shoulders, he pulls off her gown. She shivers as his fingers slide down her arms. Discarding it, he groans glancing back at the mirror. His eyes taking in her body.
Leaning forward he presses his chest against her back. She lays back relaxing into him as he cups her chest. He runs his hands over her shirt rubbing at her tits underneath. Her back slightly arches as she feels the silk fabric of her shirt press and slide across her nipples. Gasping as he brushes his thumb against them and gently pinching. Kissing along her neck as he gropes them. Toying with the hem of her shirt, he helps her pull it over her head, discarding it.
She sits on her knees, lifting a bit as he wraps his arm around her waist continuing his indulgence by cupping her tits once more. She desperately pulls for his right hand. “Want to keep going?” He whispers against her ear. She nobs. Staring into the mirror, she impatiently moves his hand to her panties. He rubs her through the fabric. She moans gripping his arm, watching him look down, his black hair falling forward, and his hand between her legs.
Pulling down her panties, he simply glides his fingers across her wet folds. She mewls as his fingers sink into her. He slides his fingers into her cunt as her wetness rolls down her thighs and drips onto the bed, staining his sheets. She tightens around his fingers pushing down into them in an effort to get more friction. She whines when he pulls out and latches his wet fingers onto her clit.
She breathes, feeling the warmth escape behind her. Watching him walk to his closet. “I bought you something.” Closing his closet he reveals a wand, similar to hers. “Get on your back, baby.”
On her back she watches him settle above her, between her legs. “You always use one of these when I’m not around.” Pressing the toy onto her clit, she shivers at the cold sensation. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. How you fuck yourself with this.” When he turns it on a silent gasp leaves her lips and she grips the sheets, an orgasm washing over her as he squeezes her hips.
He bucks his cock against her, rolling the wand onto her clit. His hand flexing as he pressing it down. Staring down at her as she comes undone once more. His indulgence continues holding firmly at her hip as she attempts to escape.
Only after cumming several times more does his hold loosen and the wand put aside. She lays beneath him dazed. Drool running down the side of her mouth, twitching. His fingers run across her cheek, her drool coating them. He moves forward, his hands at the side of her head and his crotch against her leaking cunt. He rolls his crotch onto her sensitive clit. Her hips jerk as he presses and grinds his bulge against her.
Getting up, he pulls off his pants. Her breath hitches as he wraps his hand around the base of his cock stroking. Rubbing her saliva all over his shaft. He captures his lower lip between his teeth but fails to prevent his moans from slipping out. “Fuck.” Her hand sneaks between her folds. Gripping her writs, he pins her stern stare.
Staring at herself through the mirror, she moans delightfully, as he holds her wrists and fucks her from the back, watching as his veins become more prominent as his grip tightens. As he pulls her back onto his cock with every thrust. Beads of sweat rolling down his face and his breath can be felt against her skin.
His mouth agape as he plunges into her cunt. He lets go of her wrists, bringing up his fingers into her mouth. She moans against them. Sucking as she tasted her cum. With his right hand, he rubbed her swollen clit purposefully sliding the ring down a bit to press against it. A feral moan rips through his throat as he feels her clench around cock.
The sound of skin connecting becoming more lewd with her cum coating his pelvis. He holds onto her as she cums with her griping his forearm. Pulling out, he cusses at the sensation and her cum running down his thighs onto the sheets.
Laying back against the headboard he watches her sink down onto his cock. She looks down at him. At his hands on her hips and his thumb rubbing at her stretch mark. She grinds into him. His tongue grazes his lips looking up at her throwing her head back on his cock. She lowers her eyes at him when one of his hands leave her hips and rubs at her clit.
She leans into him as he fucks up into her. Her nails digging into his shoulder as she cums. Gently laying her down he positions himself between her cunt. Restlessly, she watches as he fists his cock. Watching as his precum trickle down his hand and onto her. He glances down at her as she tries to close her legs with a grin planted on his face. He releases a raspy moan as his cum spurts on her stomach.
He releases his cock heavily breathing. He presses his cum-smeared cock against her wet cunt. Leaning forward his digits enter her mouth. Collapsing next to her he sighs, his breath still heavy. Rolling off his bed he enters the bathroom before returning with a wet clothe which he uses to clean his cum off. "I still don't get why you like my hands so much."
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