#such a great destiel dad moment

[kurtcobainsgreencardigan]

pauuuuuuuuu i’ve got a question. i understand that you enjoy supernatural, so could you explain to me the whole destial thing? i’m like, fairly close to caving and committing myself to 15 fucking seasons of them and dean from gilmore girls (who i fucking hate(the character not the actor)) so like, i wanna know what i’m getting myself into, cause the only stuff i know is the meme that’s always going around, and that everyone and their mother is obsessed with dean winchester

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD @weeping-in-the-willows WE'VE DONE IT!!!

okay andi here we go its gonna be LONG (thats what she said?)

Destiel is a ship between two main characters, Dean Winchester, who is a monster hunter, and Castiel, who is an angel of the lord. Although Cas does not appear until season 4(?), when he does it's clear there's something going on between the two men (boys?), and, whether or not it's intentional, there's a LOT of gay subtext. I think they suffer a lot but it's worth it for the very few moments they get to enjoy, and you value them so much more which makes it so enjoyable.

As for Sam Winchester (Dean Forester), he's a young man with daddy issues who never met his mom and decided that instead of having that horrible monster hunter life he wanted to go to Stanford and study law and have a great academically successful life (Sam and Rory Gilmore would be best friends). He's a sweet, kind, smart, driven, ambitious (and hot) 22(!) year-old who would never voluntarily hurt a fly. Obviously life had other plans for him but what happens to him is up to you. Now, I will say that I'm not the biggest mid-series seasons Sam fan, but I think early Sam was one of my first fictional crushes and I still think of him fondly. His favorite singer is secretly Celine Dion.

Dean Winchester also has daddy issues but as in yes-dad-I'll-do-everything-you-say-so-that-you-love me-while-his-dad-still-loves-sam-more daddy issues (which I know all too well not not the time nor place), whereas Sam was more like "No dad, this is YOUR dream". Dean is like that jackass who thinks he's this huge deal and he think he's really hot and smart and always right, which is infuriating because it's true. But really imagine a giant teddy bear with a flannel. that's Dean Winchester. It's a bit funny but for him the most important thing ever is his family and he will fight with all his might to save it, blood or found, he will die for them over and over again with no regrets, except that one where his daug we don't talk about that. He's also incredibly funny, he likes Frozen and dad rock and pie.

Cas is an angel who very often forgets that. Funny thing about this guy is that they first portray him as like this scary creature, he's the most powerful thing they've ever faced and he's so intimidating but once they get to know him he's really just like if an alien saw a hot guy and went "that one". He talks to cats sometimes.

About the show itself, the firsts seasons they think they're like this moody, serious show, but as it goes on it quickly turns into a comedy. They meet Scooby-Doo once. There's a musical. Doctor Sexy wears cowboy boots. Dracula. Ghostfacers!

Now, I wouldn't go as far as "recommending" it to someone, but if i could start clean and had the choice to watch it again for the first time, I'd tell them put me back in it, and I would cry and curse and suffer, but I'd go through it again.

And that is all, unless Willow wants to add something?

Also I would avoid the last episode, I would not watch it if I were you, I wish I never saw it and I pretend it doesn't exist, it is not canon if I say it is not and I refuse to recognize it as such. Thank you.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

driving out into the sun (not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado) (Supernatural finale fix-it)

Destiel. Supernatural finale fix-it. Crossposted on ao3. Title is from “I Know The End” by Phoebe Bridgers.

Fuck this.

Fuck no happy endings. Fuck dying without a cause. Fuck letting the Empty steal away the love of his life and Heaven stealing away the dreams that Dean has only let himself believe in since he met an angel and finally began to peel away the layers of self-doubt and self-sabotage that his father wrapped him in since before he could remember.

Dean's not a good man. He'd never pretend otherwise. He doesn't think he's capable of it, after everything he was made into by his father, after everything he's been, after everything he's done.

But he's okay with that. Good men go to heaven. Great men get remembered.

Men like him- broken, abused, ruined, dead, undead, alive, breathing, surviving men- get their own fate. They don't have heaven or hell. They have earth and all it has to give them.

And for the first time in Dean's life, he's not looking at the road. At least, not as his father did. Not as Dean did, for over twenty years.

The road is not heaven. The road is not the hunt. The road is not endless nights alone or hooking up with strangers, facing down death as everyone Dean has ever cared about or loved receives a tragic ending.

The road is just...there. A path. A choice. A possibility.

A fate that Dean gets to choose for himself.

And some parts of the road he still wants. He was named after Dean Moriarty, after all. The road is a part of his identity. Baby carries his soul- what's left of it- everywhere he goes.

But there are other parts of his identity. Bobby. Jody. Claire. Jack. Sam. Cas.

Cas.

If you had asked Dean twelve years ago (or dozens, or hundreds, or thousands, or whatever fucked up amount of time has truly passed in between countless deaths and trips to other dimensions and heaven and hell and possession and time and space and survival) what he thought he'd be doing in 2020, he probably wouldn't have said scooping up his brother and almost sister-in-law and his adopted son and asking said adopted son to carve them a way into the Empty. He can't find it in himself to care. His previous self needs to grow up and realize that cynicism and pessimism doesn't equal maturity. John Winchester was a shitty role model.

Cas is sitting on the ground, head in his knees, so impossibly, horribly still when they arrive, but his head snaps up the moment that Jack's sneaker hits the ground in the Empty. His blue eyes are wide and incredulous as Jack runs forward and engulfs his father in a hug. Cas, shellshocked, wraps his arms around Jack's shoulders in turn and squeezes tight, tucking Jack's head under his chin and closing his eyes, expression trembling as he reunites with his son.

Dean gives them a few minutes to reunite before speaking up. "So, Cas," He says, and he's trying to be gruff, trying not to overwhelm Cas, but his eyes are burning with tears and he's done trying to pretend like he doesn't care. Chuck's gone. Jack's god. Cas loves him like he loves Cas. "Glad to see you again." It's a pitiful greeting, considering everything that sits between them, but Dean can roll with it.

Cas' eyes snap open and he looks at him over Jack's shoulder. Swallows, adam's apple bobbing. Opens his mouth and then closes it. "You all came," he eventually says, and it somehow feels more question than statement.

Sam nods. "'Course we did. No leaving a brother behind."

Jack nods, too, hair scratching Cas' chin, but he doesn't mind, not if his fragile smile is any indication. "No use becoming God if I couldn't rescue you, Dad."

Cas rears back, eyes going wide. "You did what, Jack?"

Jack beams and holds out his hands. A glowing orb rises from his right palm before splitting itself into five smaller orbs that dance between his fingers, bright as his smile when someone hands him nougat. "I became God. Chuck was doing a bad job and you were a bit waylaid, so I took his place. And before you worry, Dean and Sam and Eileen and Rowena and Charlie and Anna and Bobby and Kevin and Adam and everyone else all agreed to help me out, give me advice and taking on some of the responsibility when needed." If possible, Jack's smile only grows brighter as he snaps his fingers, vanishing the orbs as he says: "The four of us can still make it to Kansas for Christmas if we want."

Cas' jaw drops. He knows as well as they do that most of those names are dead. "What do you mean...?"

"Turns out you can do a lot when you're God," Eileen signs, smile soft. "Including making one boy very, very happy by making him understand that he is very, very loved."

"And he's not the only one," Dean says, stepping forward. Cas' blue eyes focus on him, his expression almost terrifyingly tentative with hope. "You left before I could answer your question."

Cas' brow furrows in that adorable confusion of his. Dean's looking forward to learning as many ways as possible to soothe that wrinkle away- starting with kiss. "I don't remember asking a question."

"Then let me tell you something, Castiel," Dean says, and takes one last step forward and takes Cas' hand in his. "I'm not good with words, but you know that. You know me. And you love me. And I love you too. So if you don't mind, then...?"

If you had asked Dean twelve years ago how he would experience the first time he saw Castiel kiss someone, he probably would have laughed. Cas, kissing someone? Does he even know how to do that?

He definitely wouldn't have guessed that it would involve Cas leaning forward, grabbing the back of Dean's neck with a surprisingly soft yet strong palm, and pulling him in for a kiss. Dean goes gladly, savoring Cas' mouth on his, those lips that are shockingly warm for the unending, maddening neutrality of the Empty.

But life is full of surprises, and Dean has learned over the past few years that as long as said surprises don't involve monsters, demons, or an all-mighty writer who calls himself Chuck, he actually does enjoy a surprise or two.

After all, that's how he got the angel in front of him, isn't it?

Cas pulls back with a smile and a squeeze of their conjoined hands, and Dean can't help but mirror Cas' smile, lovely and loving and finally, wonderfully, his.

They get back into Baby to leave this wretched place. Sam, Eileen, and Jack cram into the backseat while Cas pulls shotgun, as he's meant to. Dean's not letting anyone take that from him ever again: him and Cas in the front seat, heading off on an adventure, details to be determined by them, for them.

"Where am I taking us?" Jack pipes up from the backseat, and Dean offers out his right hand across the console to Cas, who gazes at it in wonder for a second- thankfully no longer, as it probably would have started to feel a bit weird- before taking it in his with a squeeze.

"Where do you want, Cas?" Dean asks, voice as gentle as he can make it. He's not good at gentle, not good at tender, but he's willing to learn. He's willing to try. For Cas, for his family, for everyone who loved him and didn't hurt him.

Cas smiles at him, and this time, it isn't cautious. It isn't tentative. It is brilliant and unrestrained, just as Cas is meant to be. "Wherever you want, Jack."

Sam lets out a whoop from the back and Dean glances in the mirror to see his brother lean over and wrap a brotherly arm around Jack's shoulder as he gives Eileen a peck on the cheek. Eileen rolls her eyes but captures his lips for a quick kiss in return.

Dean pulls his and Cas' conjoined hands up far enough to flick on the radio. Dean grins as a trusty classic begins to pour from the radio, the familiar beat of "Carry On, My Wayward Son" filling the car with its joyous, wonderful sound.

The world isn't ending. Not anymore. Not for a very, very fucking long time.

He and Cas are finally free. They are going on the road. They are making their own world. They are making their own choices.

Dean refuses to accept anything less. They all- he, Cas, Sam, Jack, Eileen, everyone who they loved and lost- deserve, if not to be happy, then to at least heal and be allowed to make their own story outside of Chuck's.

Sam can go stay on the hunt or finally go finish his law degree. Charlie can get a girlfriend and take her to Comic-Con without fear of a monster attack. Jody and her wife can attend all of the science conventions and gun ranges with their girls as their hearts can possibly desire. Rowena can be Queen of Hell. Kevin Tran can reunite with his mother and go to college. Anna can try out truly being a human again. Adam can figure out what's going on with him and Michael. Bobby can run the salvage yard and hand out wisdom to all of the kids running around, from Jack to Kevin to Claire to all of the rest of Jody's girls.

Or not. Some of them might throw away their old paths for new ones. Maybe Bobby will start a restaurant. Maybe Anna will become an astronaut. Maybe Adam will start a hot sauce company. Maybe Jack, Claire, and Kevin will create a band. Maybe Charlie might start dating Rowena. Who knows and who cares? It's not Dean's place to decide.

All that matters to him is what he and Cas decide to do next- and that everyone's home for the holidays, so they can finally have the big, chaotic, messy, loud family dinner that will probably drive everyone insane. It's going to be horrible and wild and absolutely wonderful.

By God- or, rather, by Jack- Dean can't wait.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38980752

[johanna-swann]

When I saw your post about not being impressed by the Buddie subtext I immediately wondered at what point you’d change your mind. I’m glad to see that it’s 4x14. That episode is truly insane and they are so very clearly gay and raising a son together

Oh, hi anon. Yeah, before 4×14 there were maybe 2 moments* I thought were low-key gay and as a Destiel veteran it kinda made go "That's it?". But the season 4 finale convinced me. Also the fanfiction is great.

*First moment was the "The two of you have an adorable son" thing were Buck didn't deny being Eddie's partner and Christopher's dad after knowing them for? A few weeks? Second moment was when there was a dinner party at Eddie's and Maddie bullied Buck into bringing cookies because it's what guests do and Buck said "it's Eddie, I'm not exactly a guest".

[polimollykari]

this is what happens when you have your sister on tumblr….. thanks for tagging me i guess @no-destiel-spoilers-pls

Were you named after anybody?

i don’t think i was named after someone specifically, i just know that my grandma wanted to give me a different name, but my dad and mom went for poli after all and i’m happy with that since it sounds like a trans chosen name lol

When was the last time you cried?

i think at the beginning of july, because i was missing my gf a lot with whom we parted for a long time until we can see eo again

Do you have kids?

no, and funnily enough i have this question of kids on my mind a lot nowadays lmao. i related heavily to daniel howell on this topic, he talks about it in a video “i don’t want kids” and the main point he makes is that he wouldn’t want to bring kids into this state of a planet, which i basically agree with. but it would be SOOO easy to just get pregnant for me rn, because my family would love it. they want grandkids and i believe they would support me and love me even more if i decided to have my own kids, but sadly i don’t think it’s an option for me lmao. like.. i guess i wouldn’t be opposed to pregnancy?? even tho i’m scared of it, but if my partner would really want our own kids, idk.. i think i could get persuaded. but that’s another topic altogether, since my romantic life is also far from being the norm in this society and it’s just very complicated and long distance at the moment 😐

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i try not to, since sometimes it’s hard for myself to pick up on it from others lol

What sports did you play/have you played?

i enjoyed playing sports like volleyball, table tennis skiing, swimming, but my main passion is tennis and i really hope i can integrate that sport into my life more in the near future, because i just crave playing it

What’s the first thing you notice in somebody?

probably the way they dress? i usually always tend to find queer folks more interesting and fascinating since we usually have either interesting hair, makeup or some diy things on our clothings or bags

but other than that i love to see when people smile, so once i see someone smile, i remember it the most, i think

Eye colour?

i’d usually say “just usual brown” but i’ve gotten lots of compliments about my eye color in the past year so i guess there’s something more to it than just being boring brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings 100% because i really don’t enjoy scary movies hahah

Any special talents?

i can touch my elbows together if i put my hands on my hips and pull them inwards 😐

Where were you born?

in saint petersburg, one of my favourite cities in the world, even though i’m not sure when can i come back, if ever

What are your hobbies?

anything creative, really. art, knitting, animation, editing, writing, pottery.. also languages, consuming media and books!

Favourite subject in high school?

art history :] even tho i hated the teacher as a person, he was great at teaching the subject

Dream job?

freelance artist :> maybe one day

im not even sure who to tag, i don’t usually interact in this way with my mutuals

@greenmango @manywinged @lesbianswarm

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 85

Lucifer Rising/The Last of the Time Lords

I can't believe we're doing two season finales today. What...fun?? Who's to say

"Lucifer Rising"

Plot Description: Sam and Dean prepare for the apocalypse in different ways. Ruby, Lilith, Castiel, and Zachariah appear

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: you know, in 5th grade there was a moment where I was like “I think I’ll become a nun so I never have to get married” (an extremely allo and amatonormative thought to have), but I never did. And therefore I’d never be in the position to be killed like this

It’s not JUST the 11 more seasons that makes me think there is an “after” for Sam and that he’s not changed forever…

Ooo Bobby laying it ALL out. He’s right about most things here, but your family is not SUPPOSED to make you miserable, man…I’m SOBBING. “You’re a better man than your dad ever was. So do us both a favor, don’t be him.”

Castiel, what…where did you take Dean off to??

What in the White House McDonalds meal is this??

Wait. Dean knows about the Suite Life of Zack and Cody??? Why?? This is not a judgement, it’s just…

I don’t like basically knowing what the next line from Zachariah is…when Dean asks why he should have faith in the angels, I said “because you swore to?” Right before Zach goes “because you swore your obedience”

So Dean has no choice but to sit there and wait?? Rude. So he calls Sam 😭 but the voicemail cuts off just as he’s saying he’s sorry?? Why do we keep having technology that cuts out RIGHT BEFORE THE THING THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID GETS SAID

I still don’t trust Ruby

On some level, Sam still knows what he’s doing is wrong. And you can tell that by his very deer in the headlights look when the demon possessing the nurse lets the nurse’s consciousness take over for a bit

Not to be…but like. Sam, this isn’t you. This isn’t your heart

Stop taking away Dean’s free will. He’s not an angel. He was given free will as a bonus to humanity.

This is a far cry from the Sam who, with Dean, wouldn’t let everyone in that police precinct die, nor the one girl who volunteered to be sacrificed for the greater good to stop Lilith.

You know…….I should have seen this “both heaven and hell want the apocalypse to happen.” Not just because I’ve seen this before, but because Good Omens did the exact same thing

Man I hope that security guard doesn’t blink

The weird knowledge gaps angels have cracks me up. There are pop culture references they don’t know, but they DO KNOW how cell phone plans work

Ooo, are Sam and Ruby about to break up?

No. NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO THEY CHANGED DEAN’S VOICEMAIL. THOSE ASSHOLES.

the TRUST Dean has in Cas. That boy swore obedience to ONE angel. Like, yeah, it's in his best interest. Trusting Castiel, who has tried to, wanted to help him in the past, is his only ticket out of this room to go find Sam. But to be startled like that, have have Cas shove you up against a wall, hand over your mouth, Ruby's knife out and inches from your gut, and just the knowing look that as long as you don't make ONE sound, there is a CHANCE you might get out of there. (Look, back in 2011/2012, did I start shipping Destiel because it a little bit bothered my friend who introduced me to the show? yeah, but at the same time, after watching it, I understood why people did. And I was right to)

Omg omg Omg omg omg, I’m connecting the dots of Ruby feeding Sam demon blood and Cas using his blood to rescue Dean, banish Zachariah, stop the apocalypse (Edit later: I haven't connected shit...I was pretty busy the rest of the day)

There's something about Chuck touching Cas's shoulder (knowing who Chuck actually is) as the archangel coming to protect him rages outside, as they're trying to stop the apocalypse from coming.

I knew she couldn’t be trusted. This was a long, long game she was playing…

Not the demon eyes on himmmmmm. Great job, Sam. You broke the last seal…

Ok. I know the story is telling me to absolutely hate Ruby. I know this. And on some level, I do. But holy shit she’s so hot right now. Way better than any other moment she’s been on screen. So unrepentantly evil. She’s giddy about it. She’s so excited. She’s been persecuted for so long by EVERYONE but Lilith because they all thought she was helping the Winchesters. She's been around for two seasons "helping" them. And all this time...and she probably would have been greatly rewarded iiiiiiiiiiiiif she hadn't pissed off the Winchesters and they didn't kill her immediately :/

“Been On My Mind…”: Saby? Rum? broke up so nah, man. 9

"The Last of the Time Lords"

Plot Description: The mighty warships of a new Time Lord Empire arise from the Earth. With the Doctor being held prisoner by thte Master, and the Universe on the brink of war, only Martha Jones can save the human race

A whole YEAR passed since the last episode???

Oh. OH. OHHHHH. I forgot that this is what Martha does this episode. She's on a sort of fetch quest

God...I do love the Jones family. I love them outsmarting the Master. And it's so easy, too. He doesn't even consider them because he's this genius Time Lord and they're merely human...and they know THAT

The whole CGI'd Doctor will never not be creepy

In...in this timeline Bill Gates is dead?

Ok, the Master talking about the drumming reminded me that I realized this morning that there's a beeping my car makes (and I don't know how to trigger it) that has that tempo.

That's....unbelievably horrific. What did the Master DO to those poor humans on Utopia??

It's really interesting to hear the differences in what the Doctor and the Master believe the duty of the Time Lords is. The Master believes it's his right to meddle with time and space however he wants simply because he has the power to. But the Doctor knows it's to hold things in balance and there are certain things you just do not mess with. AND FUCKING PARADOXES IS ONE OF THEM WTF MAN

(Had to look up the actor who plays Thomas Milligan...tell me why the universe has lined up again so that I'm watching an episode with the lead actor for the show Lucifer on the same day I watch the episode that Lucifer is set free in Supernatural??)

THE PROFESSOR IS GOING TO BETRAY MARTHA????

Martha, you deserve to be a legend, too, babes. Sure, the Doctor was born into greatness by being a Time Lord, but YOU. Oh, YOU! He doesn't deserve you

Oh, but even though that professor betrayed her, the people did not...yet she gave herself up anyway. Oh, Thomas. RIP. You were a good guy

OKAY BUT HOW DOES THAT WORK. I knew the gun thing was a red herring, but she still had to do the quite literal legwork. But...why does everyone on Earth just THINKING the word Doctor at that one time reverse what the Master did to him??

I'm sorry, you did WHAT NOW??

Ayo, did they lose the rights to use "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters?? Because I remember THAT being used in these episodes, but I haven't heard it ONCE. There's not enough time/story left in this one. Right??

I think it would have been more interesting to not let time reverse? And have to live with the consequences of what happened? Rebuild from there? Then again, that would probably mean that Donna would be a very earthbound companion, she wouldn't get to meet Agatha Christie or anything. So, it's probably best. Maybe? Anyway...

This scene though...where the Master refuses to regenerate. I can't imagine how it would feel to discover that you aren't the last of your species, your near immortal species, the species you wiped out yourself, only for the only other one to be your old friend, your rival, but he'd rather DIE than spend any more time with you. And on the flip side, to be brought back into consciousness of who you really are, who you believe you were meant to be, and then to be told that your one chance at living is as at best a pet? and at worst a prisoner? Just an eternity of THAT? You can hardly blame him for not wanting to go on...(Ohhhhhhhhh, there's probably some good todobros angsty shit I could dig out of this...)

What is it with these BBC shows having diametrically opposed yet equal in every way rivals? And having the evil one die to cause IMMENSE PAIN to the good one?

And AGAIN!!! Like, that was episode TWO of season ONE. JUST LONG GAMES ALL AROUND. Yeah, the Face of Boe identity reveal is no longer a surprise for me in 2023, but...it's just weird how these two episodes were put together so beautifully

Ohhhh, he wants to take Martha to meet Agatha Christie, but Martha's about to tell him she's staying home. (This does shed new, sadder light on the "great big outer space dunce" moment next season. He didn't appreciate Martha as much as he should have, but he learned and gushed all his feelings to Donna how he appreciates her and how her friendship has meant the world to him....when she's telling him she's just gonna pop home to say hi)

Martha <3 It's sad to see her go, but knowing she comes back (and I think a couple times next season?) eases the pain

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel fic recs

Fresh from the oven. The secret ingredient is cinnamon. Or love. Something like that.

Note, I previously released some of these as a WIP fic rec list if they sound familiar.

"Everybody Needs the Light" by opal_bullets (Mature, 46k) @asecretvice

Set in early canon, Dean is on the road hunting by himself. Sam is at Stanford and who knows where his Dad is. After a particularly difficult hunt, Dean ends up at a small lake motel, where he sticks around to heal and if it means he gets some extra time with the attractive guy who runs the place, Castiel, well that's not so bad either. 

You have to trust me that this is a canon adjacent fic because I don't want to explain more and give away the plot. But the story is a great mixture of mysterious, sweet and angsty. If you've read the author's more well known poet Dean fic,"And this, your living kiss," you may not be surprised to hear that this fic had a certain softness and vulnerability in its treatment of Dean and Cas. I love these versions of them. The story is really well-balanced between their relationship and the complex plot. It's one that you will be thinking about long after you close the tab.

"until the end and after" by Philyra912 (Explicit, 27k)

There are soft epilogues and then there is this. It's the softest and sweetest of epilogues. One year after a post-modified-finale, Dean and Cas have built a life together. They have almost everything they have ever wanted. Can they take the final leap?

What sets this apart? It's gorgeous and emotionally potent. There are passages that can only be described as breathtaking. It will soothe your pain after the way the show ended and you will be left with at least some of the promised peace. Don't believe me? Cas describes Dean's soul in the quoted passage below [SPOILER]

“I never grow tired of hearing your voice. But prayer isn’t a phone call, Dean. It is thought and feeling and faith freely given, and it is always honest. I miss it, knowing what you’re really thinking. I miss hearing the sound of your soul in my head.” 

“What’s my soul sound like?” Dean asks through the sudden dryness of his mouth, genuinely curious. Cas’ eyes go somewhere far away, 

“Like the Impala’s engine in the middle of the night on an empty highway, with Sam asleep against the passenger door. Like the lapping of water against the dock in your most merciful dreams. Like Jimmy Page on the guitar and the cocking of your favorite gun, and the song Mary used to sing to you when she put you to bed.”

More below the cut

"IPAMIS OL OLPRIT" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 56k) @valleydean

Oh man, come with me on a journey through Dean's daddy issues. This one is cathartic and so so good. It's sort of like a Lebanon fix-it but it's more of an alternative story in which Dean has to deal with his dad and his childhood. 

Set in S14, Michael is amassing an army and searching for a weapon that will help him move forward with his apocalyptic plans. Heaven doesn't care now that Michael is minting new angels. The Winchesters are short on allies and at a loss for a plan.

That is until they discover that the weapon 1. Could take out Michael, and 2. Was previously in the custody of the Men of Letters and particularly John's father. Unfortunately, they can't recover the weapon without John's blood which requires bringing John back from the dead temporarily.

What follows is a pretty fun series of cases, some heavy repression and reversion from Dean who is terrified of his father's reaction to his angel Cas and his son Jack, and a whole lot of working through issues. You get established Destiel fluff and angst (and old married couple bickering), Sammy/John tension, and great dramatic beats for Mary too. My description makes it sound heavy and there are certainly heavy scenes and moments, but there is also humor and romance. Plus, some BAMF angel Cas. 

"Profoundly Different" by amireal and tiamatv (Explicit, 190k)

You ever stop in like chapter 3 of a 17 chapter story just to go yell at people to read it? This is one of those. Set in Season 4, this fic asks what would happen if Cas was given the Anna arc? The result is an immensely satisfying alternative story with a decisive happy ending.

This fix contains multitudes. You get rawer, punchier Dean and Sam. The brothers struggling to find common ground and trust each other. Struggling with each other's perspective. You get so much paternal, grumpy, pitch perfect Bobby. You get the highs and lows of the Ruby/Demon blood/Lilith arc. It's the best of S4. 

What changes is Cas and the Deancas relationship. Cas in this story saved Dean from Hell and then became human. I won't dig too deeply into the spoilers there, but the end result is two fold: 1. Cas is just slightly more like later seasons Cas. He has more context for humans. 2. The profound bond is central and leads to an earlier and stronger intimacy. It's a really phenomenal fic and you should definitely read it.

"Take Your Human Charge To Work Day" by FallenAngelOfThursday (Mature, 33k) @pointyearedelvishprincling

Something's up with Cas. Dean has noticed a shift in their relationship and he has no idea why. So he asks Cas to take him along on a mission he picked up on Angel Radio. Cas needs space, but he can't bring himself to deny Dean. Even if Dean's longing and repression, coming through loud and clear to the angel through prayer, are making life rough. And even if the mission would be a lot quicker and a lot smoother solo.

This fic has all the pining, all the poor communication, and all the repression. It also has all the intricate rituals to touch each other and heavily features Dean's love of dressing up his angel in little outfits (hee). I love them, your honor.

"The Return Policy" by aileenrose (Explicit, 10k)

This is one of those fics that I wish was an entire series. It's canon adjacent but an AU, if that makes sense. 

When a cute but dubious federal agent comes to the Rare Books and Special Collections Reading Room of the Library of Congress, Reference Librarian Cas finds himself intrigued. The mysterious man seems to be researching something more than the birds that he claims are of interest. What follows is a combination of case fic, intense Destiel, and third party perspective all rolled into one. It's entertaining and cute and will leave you wanting more.

 

"You Ran Off With It All" by omittedcastiel (Explicit, 10k) @omittedcastiel

Dean's attempts to bring Cas back from the Empty cause him to dredge up previously repressed memories of Purgatory. Thee DeanBenny fic plus some really touching Deancas goodness. It's hot and sad and sweet and ends up exactly where you wanna go. What makes this particular moving is the examination of faith and devotion. It's really beautiful.

"Shut Up and Dance, Dean Winchester" by Ailuromatron  (Teen, 8k) 

If you are looking for a quick little fic that is light and fluffy, this is your jam. Sam, Dean and Cas unwind after a case in Austin. Sam ships it hard in this one (and also is completely over the two idiots he has to share his space with). Dean is Working Through Some Things™️ okay? Setting it in Austin already makes it fun, but what makes this one a gem is the author's descriptive writing. 

Everybody Loves A Parade (Except Dean Winchester) by jujubiest (Teen, 2k) 

Why is this so cute. It's so cute, y'all. A short little fic where Dean runs a bar along the Pride parade route. He is selectively out but somewhat prickly about it all until a kid named Jack wanders in.

Also available in podfic.

"The Shawnee Trail" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 166k) @valleydean

Two recommendations for @valleydean fics in one list? Yes and I'm not sorry because they are both amazing. This one is a Western AU and Baby Jack masterpiece. It manages to seamlessly blend canon and old Western aesthetics. I wish I had the author's skill for descriptive writing. The fic has a phenomenal sense of place and is unquestionably a labor of love. Additionally, I love the way Dean and Cas interact in this fic. Both so totally gone for one another, neither of them seeing that the same is true in the other. The love story is simultaneously an established relationship and a beautiful slowburn with a helping of angst (with a beautifully happy ending).

Ok, River, but what's it actually about? When secretive newcomer Kelly Kline dies in childbirth, local doctor Cas Novak is left with a newborn, a child he promised to deliver to grandparents far away. Accompanied by his maybe sort of boyfriend/roommate/friend with benefits/it's complicated, Dean, and his brother Sam, they set off to deliver the child to more appropriate caregivers. But things don't go as planned. 

 

"In this Louisiana bar" by fleeceframe (General Audiences, 8k) @tasteslikevelvet

S1 Dean is grabbing a drink in a bar (while my beloved Tigers play wooo) when a mysterious stranger in a trenchcoat walks in. A fic that asks the question: what would it be like if S10 Cas and S1 Dean met. It's really just a night where they interact. A character study (as opposed to something super plotty), but that is the appeal. Dean is so lonely. Cas is so devastated watching Dean lose pieces of himself. There is something really special about watching the two come together. It's really touching. A bit of a love letter to both characters.

(When I'm still alive underneath this shroud) Rain by Chaoticdean @bichaoticdean (Teen, 4k)

This is a beautiful and emotional little post-show (finale denying, we love to see it) fic. Partly hurt/comfort and partly just soft feels, Dean and Cas look at their dangerous life and ask: what's next? It's sweet and moving and has a certain deft emotional vulnerability that cuts deep. 

Didn't find what you were looking for? Check out my prior fic rec lists.

Destiel fic recs

More Destiel fic recs

And even more Destiel fic recs

[myaimistrue]

del myaimistrue’s underrated destiel fic recs part 3!

as with part 1 and part 2, these are all fics that aren’t necessarily as popular or well known as more common recs. they all have less than 10k hits on ao3 OR were published pre-2015 OR both. this a good list y’all i’m excited to share them with you :) leave a comment and kudos for the author if you enjoy a fic!!

list under the cut, organized by word count!

children get older (and i'm getting older, too) by flightsofangels

2k. fics that make you sob hysterically. this is SOOOO sweet. it’s a little story written for transnatural week (if you’re looking for some really fantastic fics, check out their ao3 collection) in which dean and cas discuss their experiences with gender. featuring dad dean and cas, and so many good moments between tfw 2.0.

through the stars by LoversAntiquities

2k fic about dean’s fortieth birthday, on which he wakes up with swollen hands from his arthritis. just a quick sweet story about how loved dean is, and the gifts sam and cas get for him will make both you and dean cry!

if you are hungry then take note by a_good_soldier

2.2k. basically i’m never tired of post-canon curtain fics, and this is one of the best. cas writing poetry is EVERYTHING to me. dean as a mentor to queer kids is also incredible. just a really sweet, soft story about growing old in the safety of your home with somebody you love <3

Clear as a Bell by charcoalcas

2.3k human cas sickfic! he gets chickenpox and dean takes care of him which is as sweet as you think it’d be. it’s the night before their anniversary (september 18th) as well, and they talk about the very beginnings of their relationship. super cute and fun to read!

so comfort came by Newtondale

4k post-canon fic. dean reckons with the concept of retirement now that he and cas aren’t regularly hunting anymore. very sweet little fix-it. dean and cas are so in love <3

love, now and forever by LoversAntiquities

5.4k. michael leaves dean’s body and cas is left to pick up the pieces in a small cabin while they wait for their family to arrive. hurt/comfort is my personal favorite trope to read and this is heavy on both the hurt and comfort. very heavy at the beginning (dean is not in a good place) so be careful, but it has a really sweet ending.

of fire and circles by deanspurpleflannel

7.9k. post 15x18 toddler!jack fic in which the bunker burns down. i left a rambling comment on it the first time i read it because it made me feel sooooo much. dean’s grief over cas was expertly written, and the claire & dean & jack dynamic was perfect. plus it’s a fun twist on the cas returning from empty trope! will bring a tear to your eye by the end. 

All other nights are black, all other hours are cold by jamjarjane

9.7k. SUPER sweet getting together fic with lots of pining. dean is very touch-starved and cas knows it. the last two scenes are so tender and so beautifully written--the want and the love between dean and cas are palpable. 

Flying in Circles Inside a Jar by prosopopeya

11k season 5 getting together fic. i am such a sucker for kripke era deancas, and this one is so perfect at capturing that dynamic. super fun and sexy and in-character. fully laughed out loud multiple times while reading, with plenty of sweet moments to balance it out!

Repose by Thalius

a 14.4k season 6 fic. cas needs a break from the civil war and heaven and comes to see the winchesters at bobby’s house. the push and pull between dean wanting to take care of cas while still being afraid to deal with how he feels for him is perfectly illustrated here. also it has super interesting takes on soul-touching/angelic healing!

Fight or Flight by ellispark

this is a 23.1k canon divergent season 12 story that has basically everything i love in a supernatural fic. established deancas! interesting mary character work! hurt/comfort! compelling plot! great sam moments independent of dean and cas! family drama! plus the non-linear narrative is a super interesting choice that is so fun to read. seriously one of my absolute all-time favorites

until the end and after by Philyra912

27.9k. literally one of my new favorite deancas fics of all time, and possibly my favorite post-canon curtain fic. set a year after they save the world, dean and cas are living in an old farmhouse together and making a life… except they aren’t technically together. it’s so in-character and so gentle and so good. seriously 10/10 in every regard. 

[mishacollinsthighsss]

"Sam, what do you want?"

Cas stared at Sam, unsure why the younger brother wanted to talk to him so badly, but now seemed to struggle to get a single word out.

"Listen man, there's- there's things you should know about. It's about..."

Sam trailed of with a sigh and sat down in one of the chairs in the library, so Cas did the same.

"About what?"

He got more and more confused by the second, but he could sense that Sam was really nervous, almost scared, so he tried not to be too impatient.

"It's about Dean."

"What about Dean? Is he- did he get in trouble again when I was gone?"

Sam sighed again, even deeper this time, but shook his head.

"No, that's not- have you noticed anything different about him since you're back?"

Cas furrowed his brows and lowered his gaze to the table, trying to think of anything, but there was nothing, at least not something he'd noticed.

"No, not really. Well, he eats even more, but other than that-"

"Yeah, he eats more because he was starving the last few weeks?"

"Starving?"

Cas tried to keep up with Sam, but it got harder and harder.

"Yeah. He- you know how he is, when someone dies, he always blames himself-"

"It's not his fault. I told you to go, both of you. I thought I could handle it."

"I know Cas, but that's not the point."

Sam brushed his hair behind his ear, and just then Cas noticed that he was shaking a little.

"What is it, then?"

"If you'd stop to interrupt me-"

"If you'd just say what you want to say-"

"Okay, okay, stop. This isn't going anywhere that way."

Cas looked up again, his eyebrows still knitted together, but as soon as his eyes met Sam's, he could see the worry in them, so he closed his mouth and made a gesture for Sam to continue.

"Listen, this wasn't the first time. I mean, it was the first time it was that bad, but... whenever you die, Dean's- he's different. He doesn't eat, drinks whenever he can get his hands on some booze, he doesn't sleep, has nightmares. He's a mess without you, dude."

That definitely wasn't what Cas was expecting, and even though it was good to hear that he was important to Dean, his heart felt heavy because Dean suffered because of him.

"That's normal when you're grieving Sam, you should-"

"No, no its not. Not like that. When- when Charlie died, or Kevin, or even dad... it's different with you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Sam took another deep breath, before he locked eyes with Cas, a determined expression on his face.

"Do you love him?"

Cas was taken aback for a second, because of everything Sam could've asked, he definitely wasn't expecting that.

"Of course, you know I love you both-"

"No. No, no, not like that. Are you- are you in love with Dean?"

Cas sucked in a sharp breath, his heart racing. He knew that Sam asked because he didn't know, how could he, Cas tried to hide it as good as he could. He thought about lying for a second, but why should he?

"Yes."

His voice was quiet, almost a whisper, and he couldn't hold Sam's gaze anymore. His eyes fell closed and he had to lower his head once again, because he could feel his cheeks burning.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah."

When Cas looked up again, a small smile appeared on his lips, but the angel couldn't quite figure out what was going on inside the younger brother's head.

"Why?" he asked after a long moment of silence, afraid of the answer, but he was too curious not to ask.

"Because I- I think he loves you too."

Even though his grace was protecting the vessel, Cas could've sworn that in this moment, he was close to a heart attack, but he quickly shook his head.

"No, that's not- he... he doesn't like men, Sam. It's normal that he's grieving me, he said it a few times, I'm like a brother to him-"

"Oh, and you believe everything that comes out of his mouth without any doubt?"

Sam raised an eyebrow, challenging, and Cas quickly shook his head.

"No, of course not, but he- he made it clear that he isn't interested in me that way."

"Goddamnit Cas, do you have any idea what I have to deal with when you're gone?"

"No, I don't know if you've noticed, but I was dead."

The angel's voice was quiet, but he couldn't stop it from shaking completely, so he hoped Sam didn't hear it.

"He's- he's not Dean anymore when you're gone, man. He's just- just an empty shell. God he- he wanted to die, Cas. You've seen him grieving, and when you're gone- that's a whole new level."

Sam looked stressed now, almost desperate, but Cas didn't allow himself to think about it, not even for a second, so he just shook his head stubbornly.

"You two are fucking killing me! Just go and kiss Dean and you'll see."

"Wait- what?"

Both their heads snapped around when all of a sudden, Dean appeared in the library, still wearing his pajama, a cup of fresh coffee in his hand.

"You heard that right, could you two just kiss? Do you have any fucking idea how frustrating it is to see you dance around each other, both of you obviously totally smitten, but neither of you has the balls to make a fucking move?"

Cas stared at Sam with wide eyes as he stood up and stomped out of the room, leaving Dean and Cas alone there.

"You uh- is he- I mean does he-"

"Yes. I'm sorry Dean, I know you don't feel that way and it was inappropriate for Sam to-"

"So you- you love me. Like... in love with me? The whole chick-flick stuff?"

Dean's voice came closer, but Cas was too afraid to look at him, so he stubbornly stared at the table.

"Uh...y-yes."

The angel could practically feel Dean's eyes on him, so he lifted his hand and rubbed his neck, in an attempt to lessen the feeling, but it just got stronger with every second.

"Huh."

"Huh?"

"Thought angels couldn't feel that way."

"Well, we aren't supposed to."

"But you do?"

"Yes."

"Great."

"What?"

"I said great."

"Oh."

"So... you gonna make a move now, or what?"

Dean's voice was close to Cas' ear now, and when he looked up, there noses were touching all of a sudden. Dean's eyes were shining and even though Cas wanted to bring some space between them, he couldn't stop staring. His heart hammered in his chest by now, and he knew he could use his grace to calm it down, but for some reason, he didn't want to.

"Because, y'know, me too. The same thing, I mean. Me too."

"You- you mean you...?"

"Yeah."

Both of them were just whispering, but they could hear each other perfectly, could feel their breaths on their lips, even. For the first time in his existence, Cas felt like he wasn't able to think, wasn't even able to breathe. He hesitated for another second, but then leaned forward to close the gap between their lips. A quiet whimper escaped him when he felt Dean's lips for the first time, followed by a sigh. He'd kissed people before, but not like that. He'd never felt the way he felt for Dean, which made it so much more special to him.

He could hear a distant noise, but before he was able to pull away, two warm hands were on his cheeks and pulled him even closer. Their kiss was messy, almost clumsy because of Cas' lack of experience, but neither of them broke it. After what felt like hours and no time at all, Cas could feel Dean sitting down on his lap, so he hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other man's waist. Apparently, that was a good move, because he could feel Dean smiling.

Dean was sighing quietly too now, so Cas used the chance to deepen it even more. His hands were shaking and he could actually feel his blood rushing through his veins, which made him chuckle just a little.

They didn't know how long they were sitting there like that, just kissing and touching each other, when suddenly, Sam cleared his throat from the other end of the room.

"You guys done soon? Because I found a case."

Dean was the one who pulled away first, a smile on his lips and his eyes shining with happiness, something Cas could stare at forever. His cheeks were flushed and the angel knew that he probably looked exactly the same, but he still turned his head to look at Sam, who was trying to hide a grin.

"If you ever do something like that again Sammy, I'm gonna kill you myself. And I'll make sure that you'll stay dead."

Dean's words were harsh, but there was no heat behind them. Cas tightened his grip around Dean's waist and buried his face at his neck, not ready to let go yet, which made the other man laugh quietly.

"Noted. Anyway, there's this case..."

*****

So, it's 3 in the morning, it's still 26° Celsius outside and I already forgot half of what I wrote. I'm also too exhausted to read over it now, so if there are any mistakes, my apologies 😅

Also I didn't make a tag list now, but I'm gonna tag the people who asked anyway. If you want to get tagged too in future fics, please let me know, and also let me know if you wanna get tagged for destiel, cockles, or both 😊

💙💙💙

@green-blue-heller @sam--ships--it

[stillwinchester]

Destiel AU - toddler!jack, mechanic!dean

“Good morning, sir!”

Dean looked up from his newspaper straight at the kid with a teddy bear. He had no idea where it came from. He was just sipping his coffee and reading the news, when some stranger toddler appeared on the seat in front of him.

“Umm, mornin'?” he greeted him, still confused.

“I have a birthday today,” said kid and grinned. Dean looked around, but nobody seemed to bother with his situation.

“Congratulations, but you shouldn't be alone here. Where's your mom?”

“In Heaven. She's watching over me, like an angel,” kid explained, and after that kicked him accidentally under the table. Dean dusted his knee off.

“And what about your dad?”

“There!” he pointed to the counter, where was standing a dark hair man in the trench coat. “He's buying birthday's milkshakes. Strawberry!”

“Yeah?” Dean relaxed a little bit, good that kid wasn't alone here. “And how old are you?”

“Four! It's more than three,” he said cheerfully. “Look, I have The Marvelous Marvin. He can talk!”

Kid showed him a teddy bear and pressed his belly. A plushie toy said: 'Hello!', his father turned around immediately and came quickly to Dean's table. He picked the kid up and spoke to him:

“Jack, I told you, don't harass people.” And then to Dean: “My apologies.”

“Nothing happened... He's a great kiddo.”

The man tried to smile, but he was too much embarrassed, so it lookes more like a grimace. Jack, on the other hand, seemed not to care about anything, playing with his teddy bear.

Dean pulled something out from his pocket and asked: “Hey, Jack, do you like stickers?”

“Yeah!”

“So, I have something for you. Happy birthday, buddy!”

It was a commercial sticker with a big text "Singer Auto Repair Shop", but there was also a picture of Chevy Impala which was what Jack noticed first.

“A car!” exclaimed Jack, putting a sticker on his teddy bear at once.

“Jack, what do you say?” reminded him his father.

“Thank you, sir!”

“You're welcome!”

The man put Jack on the seat at the next table and went back to Dean.

“I'm sorry once again, he's a little too much excited,” he excused for his son.

“Sure, nothing happened.” Dean shrugged. “I'm Dean, by the way.”

“Castiel.” They shook their hands, and Dean smiled at him.

“It's nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Cas smiled back. “I'm not gonna take more of your time. Have a nice day.”

Cas sat across of his son. The waitress had brought their milkshakes already. The kid started drinking, but a few seconds later he was talking again.

“Dad, can I try yours?”

Dean heared a chuckle, he looked at Cas and caught how he was rolling his eyes.

“They're the same, Jack.”

“Please... I have a birthday,” begged the kid with a sweet voice.

“All right.” Cas gasped, but changed their milkshakes.

“Yours is better,” admitted Jack, and Cas laughed once again.

Dean finished his coffee and walked away a few minutes later, one more time looking at them. The family picture, a lovely and cute view...

*

Cas knew shit about cars, but he was certainly sure his truck shouldn't make so weird noises.

“Crap,” he murmured. Did he say it loud? Crap! He turned to the back seats where Jack was sitting in the child chair. “You didn't hear anything, Jack.”

“That's not true! You said: crap!” said excited Jack. “Crap, crap! Crap, crap!”

Great! Now his kid expanded his vocabulary.

“I think grocery needs to wait. Somebody needs to check our car.”

“Maybe Marvin? He's a mechanic. He has a badge.” Jack pointed at the sticker on his teddy bear.

“Oh, honeybee, I think we need the other specialist, but thank Marvin for his service.”

Cas pulled out the phone to find some Auto Repair Shop on the internet when he realized that actually Marvin could help. He gave a quick look at the sticker and read an address.

*

“I have no idea how to fix a car. Sometimes I even forget to refuel it,” explained Cas to the old man with a baseball cap. He had found out earlier it’s Bobby Singer, owner of this Auto Shop. For a moment, he felt disappointment because deeply in his heart he had hoped he was going to see Dean from the milk bar again.

“I’ll call my best mechanic. We can handle it,” Bobby assured him, and after that he turned around and yelled: “Dean, we have a client, can you come here?”

Dean got out from under one of the cars. He was wearing work clothes, and his face was dirty from grease, but Cas recognized him at once. Jack, who was standing next to him, was too busy with his teddy bear to notice him.

“Oh, Cas. Hi,” said Dean, frowning with confusion. Probably he didn’t expect to see him again.

“Hello, Dean.”

“And how are you, Jack?” he asked a toddler.

“Good! Marvin took us here!”

“Yeah, so let’s see what’s wrong with a car.”

Dean opened the hood and checked the car. It didn’t take him a lot of time before he found cause of trouble.

“It's the engine...” explained Dean.

“Crap!” said Jack, and Dean looked at him surprised.

“Whoa, isn't it a big word for so little guy?”

“I'm big now! And dad taught me that!”

Cas’ cheeks turned red at once, and he mumbled: “No, I... I didn't.”

“You did, daddy. Don't you remember? Truck was broken.”

Dean chuckled, but he was not going to torture him any longer.

“Okay, I need at least half an hour. You can wait there if you want.” He pointed to a bench near a big tree.

“All right, thank you.”

Dean started working, but his eyes were heading to Cas and Jack all the time. He saw how they were talking and playing with a teddy bear, laughing all the time. They looked so happy, and Dean found himself jealous of what they had.

When he finished, he called them and Bobby. Cas paid for the repair and thanked him for help. They didn't go at once, so Dean used an opportunity to talk with him a little longer.

“He's similar to you, like Mini-Cas,” said Dean, and Cas smiled with proud.

“Actually, he's not my biological son... His mother was my very good friend, but she died in childbirth, so I took care of him,” he explained.

“What about his biological father?”

“It's my brother, but I don't know where he is. He ran away when he found out Kelly was pregnant.”

“This one,” started Bobby and patted Dean on the arm. “I kinda adopted him and his brother. And they're good men. I think I did no bad job raising them.”

“Yeah, you were always a better father to me than John.”

Bobby squeezed Dean’s shoulder, and walked away to talk with Jack. Cas looked at his son with love in his eyes.

“It must be hard, huh? Be a lonely father with a toddler?”

“Sometimes. But I've never regretted this. He's my whole life.”

After a long minute of silence, Dean decided to go one step further. He scratched a back of his neck and cleared the throat.

“Listen, Cas, I'll give you my private number...” he started, but then added quickly: “You know if something would be wrong with a car, just call me.”

Shit! It wasn't supposed to look like this... He chickened out.

“Umm, thank you,” said Cas, putting the card with his number in his coat's pocket. “Dean, one more.”

“Yeah?”

“Would it be okay if I call you on another matter?”

“Which means?”

“If I want to, for example, invite you for a milkshake?”

Dean's face brightened with a smile. So, it wasn't like he was the only one who was interested.

“Yeah... it would be okay, Cas.”

“So, I think I'll call you.”

“I will be waiting.”

Cas gave him a huge smile one more time before he went to Jack.

“Jack, we need to come home. Let's go!” He took him on his arms.

“Okay, daddy!” Jack raised his hand and waved with it. “Bye, bye, Dean!”

“See you later, buddy! Oh, and I have another sticker for you,” said Dean.

“It's like a doctor, but without needles.”

“Yeah, I'm a car doctor.”

“Cool!”

They drove away, this time without a noisy engine, and Cas thought it's a very good day.

*

Cas put Jack to bed, read him the bedtime stories and kissed his forehead. He turned the light off, but stayed there a few minutes more, just to look at his sleeping kid.

Yes, like he said before, being a single father wasn't always easy, but he would never change his life. At least not in this area. Because, of course, he would like to find somebody who could love Jack like their own son, and somebody who could love him...

Sometimes, especially in the nights like this, he felt lonely, it wasn't like he has a lot of time to meet new people, not to mention dates. That's why he went to the kitchen to make a call.

“Yeah?” asked Dean, and Cas couldn't help smile, hearing his voice.

“Hello, Dean. It's Cas. I hope I don't call too late.”

Answer came almost immediately.

“No. It's never too late.”

Part 2

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Soft

A/N: This is for both the @spnfanficpond's S14 Weekly Episode Challenge, week 20, and also this month's Alpha Reader Program with @deanwinchesterswitch! Kym is a great Alpha reader, putting up with so much babbling of ideas with me!!

Summary: Chuck is depowered, Jack de-poofed Eileen and Y/N, and they all rescued Cas from the Empty. (The finale never happened fight me.) Now, with no more Big Bads on the horizon, Dean needs to figure out what his happily ever after looks like. Once he does, then he needs to go get it.

Pairing: Destiel x reader

Warnings: Pining. Idjits in love. Canon-divergent after 15x19. Fluff.

Word count: 4311 words

Prompt: "I'll stop talking." "Probably a good idea."

Dean watches her throw her arms around Cas’s waist and really snuggle into his embrace. It’s done. Chuck is depowered, Jack is in charge, Y/N is back, and now Cas is back. Everything is as it should be. Dean pats Cas on the shoulder, meeting his gaze with a smile he can feel is strained, locks eyes for a second with Y/N, and heads towards his room via the drink trolley. A little time resting in the only soft thing he’s ever been allowed to keep is definitely in order.

Sitting on his bed, back propped against the headboard and whiskey bottle in hand, he forces himself to consider everything he’s been trying not to think about for far too long. Cas will want to talk at some point, and Dean knows he can’t get it wrong. Well, no, he actually could get it all very disastrously wrong, but this time, he doesn’t want to.

And he has so very much to think about if he wants any chance to get this right. First, he needs to decide what “right” looks like.

If you’d asked him a few years ago what a good life looked like, he would have denied Cas’s place in it. There were just so many reasons why Cas couldn’t be a part of any picture he’d have painted back then. That was before, though. Before Cas told him, unequivocally, that he loved Dean in a way he thought he couldn’t have.

Maybe a year ago, if Cas had said those same words, Dean would have jumped into his arms and kissed the hell out of him. At that point, he’d finally admitted to himself that Cas was more to him. That Cas meant more than Dean’s fear of someone thinking he liked dick. Cas meant more than his hang-ups about how sex worked with a dude. Cas was more than a guy, and not simply because he wasn’t human. Angel or not, Cas was Dean’s person.

That was before, though. Before Mary died. Before Chuck had his little hissy fit. Before Dean acted like an ass… again. Before Y/N.

Now, Dean sits on his bed, not drinking the whiskey in his hand because he knows it won’t help. He needs to think clearly. He needs to decide how he feels. He’s loved Cas for years. But he’s beginning to think that maybe he loves her, too.

She appeared with the army of hunters that had arrived when Chuck opened Hell. She was relatively new to hunting, so when her partner died early on, she needed an experienced partner. With Dean barely speaking to him, Cas needed something to focus on, and he took her under his wing, so to speak. Which meant Dean barely spoke to her, either, outside of barking orders.

He was just so angry at the time, and it spilled onto her. Dean didn’t want Cas around him, but then he didn’t want Cas focusing on her, either. Or giving her that squinty head tilt. Hugging her while she grieved her partner. Talking to her about lore and weapons and sigils.

With Jack and Rowena dead, Y/N filled the fourth seat in the Impala just a little too quickly for Dean’s liking. And it had nothing to do with how fondly Cas looked at her when she fell asleep on his shoulder. Yeah, he understood that she needed training and experience, but there were a million other hunters fighting ghosts and zombies with them that she could have joined.

Dean was so mad, Cas left. And she went with him. And no, Dean did not spend several sleepless nights wondering about the sexual orientation of angels.

She and Cas were hunting partners for a while, but then Cas went to Heaven, so she moved into the bunker and never left. Dean tried not to dump his shit on her, knowing that it was his shit and not hers and he was being a dick, but she was everywhere—cooking in the kitchen, beating up the heavy bag in the gym, shooting curse words into the paper targets in the range. Dean didn’t want to laugh when she slapped one on his chest that read “DICK” as she walked out the door. He also didn’t want to deck Fancypants Dean from the other world when he asked her to go with them to Rio and then kissed her, dipped her like a 50’s heroine and everything, right in front of him!

And he definitely didn’t want to miss her when she left again with Cas. They were gone, again. Alone. Soon, he realized that he missed the smell of her cooking. He stared at the taped-over hole she left in the heavy bag when she tried attacking it while wearing heels. He tried to forget how lethal she was in the gun range. He failed to stop wondering how many beds were in the motel room they were sharing each night.

He got better about not being a dick to her when they returned. He even shared his pie. The first time she gave him one of her hundred-watt smiles, he nearly melted. She offered to help wash Baby, and he accepted. Not being a dick got easier as they became friends.

Then Chuck killed her. Just poofed her into nothing. A finger snap and Dean felt like he was back on the rack, a knife slicing into his heart. Why? Watching Cas mourn her was almost as hard as admitting that he felt the same way. He shouldn’t feel this way. They were friends. But the pain and grief in Cas’s eyes were mirrored in his chest. Not that he could say that to anyone. She was Cas’s… something.

Yet, before the Shadow swallowed him and Billie whole, Cas still said that his moment of complete happiness was loving Dean.

After Cas was gone, Dean sat on the floor in the dungeon and wondered at the complete lack of black goo anywhere. It had seemed to be everywhere but had left no trace. His mind bounced against the image of Cas getting swallowed whole and ricocheted into the image of Y/N poofing into thin air. Sam’s face when he picked up Eileen’s car keys, phone, and wallet. Jack’s face burning brightly when Chuck killed him in the graveyard. Mom’s face when he wrapped a shroud around the body that wasn’t hers. Charlie’s face as she lay in that awful motel bathtub. Bobby’s face as he called them idjits one last time. Dad’s face when the doctors tried to revive him, but he was already long gone.

Dean went on autopilot. He got up from the floor, drove to Sam and Jack, and then, he … did what needed to be done. On the drive away from Chuck’s defeat, Dean tried to imagine the life ahead of him without Chuck’s influence. Just him and Sam and Jack. He pictured them in the bunker, all in black and white like the old photos of the Men of Letters in the archives. Nothing big to fight, only little hunts. Maybe there would be the occasional trip to Hell to visit Rowena. Maybe Rowena could use a hand down there? Hell sounded nice, this time of year. You know, when everyone else is dead….

Dean didn’t let himself complete that thought. He still had Sam.

Then Jack brought back Y/N and Eileen. Color returned to Dean’s world. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than Heaven or Hell. With Y/N in his arms, all he could think about was Cas. Dean needed Cas back, even if it meant watching them ride off into the sunset together. When Jack said he couldn’t get Cas as easily as he’d gotten Y/N and Eileen, she ended up crying in Dean’s arms, letting him comfort her. She comforted him. They comforted each other.

Before the big rescue, Dean decided that if Cas and Y/N chose to go off and live a happy life together, he’d wish them well, even if it meant drowning himself in whiskey.

But now they’re both here. When their departure was hypothetical, it was easy to convince himself that he could be supportive. Now that he was up against the reality of it, he could barely breathe. Yes, the two of them alive and happy together without him is better than the two of them dead, but….

Dean puts down the whiskey and grabs an open bottle of what is probably very stale water off his desk. He drinks it down and then stares at the whiskey bottle. He tries to breathe through the pain in his chest caused by the prospect of visiting Cas and Y/N in their little country cottage with the white picket fence and beehives in the backyard. Oh, how he wants to drink something stronger than water and make this pain stop.

No. He needs to say this to himself completely sober.

“I want them,” he announces to the room, quietly enough that no one outside could hear, but the words still echo in his ears. “No, I don’t just want them. I want a bacon double cheeseburger with extra onions and a slice of apple pie with a scoop of ice cream on top. I need them. I need Cas, and I need her, and I need to stop acting like I don’t.”

Picturing the little country cottage once more, he shakes his head. “I have to try. Cas said he loved me. Y/N at least doesn’t think I’m a dick. I can’t do nothing, anymore. I have to try. I have to tell them both and at least ask them to give me a chance.”

Dean pulls at his hair and sighs. “But that’s not how the world works. I can’t have them both. I need to decide who to talk to first. I need to choose.”

The angel that literally saved him from Hell but wears a vessel Dean doesn’t know how to handle, or the woman who would be the complete package if he weren’t already in love with Cas.

“How do I choose?”

And that’s all assuming that either of them even (still) wants him. Cas may have changed his mind after Dean stood there stupidly and said freaking nothing while the Empty swallowed him whole. And she’s never really indicated that she wanted anyone but Cas. And Cas has always seemed perfectly happy to indulge her attentions. Hell, maybe they will go off together to that cottage in the country and leave him alone. After the way he’s acted, it’s the least he deserves.

“If I even have a choice, I can’t choose.”

Pacing the room, he kneads the problem in his mind like a baker would knead dough. After only a couple of minutes, he tires of rolling around a thousand “what ifs” in his head and stops in front of his bedroom door, hand almost grabbing the knob to turn it.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asks himself, trying to give himself the courage to move. “They both say they don’t want me, they only want each other, and I’m left alone, like I’ve always been. Nothing changes for me.”

Swallowing down the blast of grief that idea causes, he takes a deep breath and watches from outside of his body as he turns the doorknob and walks down the hallway.

He hears her voice coming from her room long before he reaches it, but he’s almost in the doorway before he can make out the words she’s saying. She’s chattering in that way she does when she’s excited or nervous about something, and his heart clenches as he wonders what’s got her so jittery.

“It’s just that there’s so much to consider and so many possibilities and I’ve been waiting until now to think about it and oh god now I’m rambling and we really need to come up with a better phrase for that now that Chuck’s not in power andfuckinghellIthinkI’llstoptalking.”

Dean watches her put a hand over her mouth to stop the flow of words and can’t stop his smile. She’s adorable.

Cas sees Dean in the doorway, gives her a gentle smile, and says, “That’s probably a good idea.” He nods his head towards Dean, and she turns to look at him. They’re both sitting on the side of the bed, one of her hands is encased in both of his, and Dean feels his heart wrench at what that might mean.

He tries to read their expressions, get a feel for what’s happening in the room, but his own feelings are overwhelming him. They’re both right here, staring at him, while he’s staring at them, and no one is saying anything!

“Uh,” he starts —oh, you’re doing great there, Dean, so eloquent— before clearing his throat and taking a steadying breath, “I don’t want to interrupt you guys?”

Cas smiles, but Y/N gulps and shakes her head.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says in that way that always makes Dean feel warm inside. “It’s okay. What do you need?”

Dean tries again to read their expressions, but all he can feel is tension. Is it coming from him? “I, uh, need you,” he says to both of them, bouncing his gaze back and forth between them.

Cas stands up, letting go of Y/N’s hands, and pats her on the shoulder. “I’ll let you guys have some time alone. We can finish this later, right?”

Y/N nods, but Dean stops Cas from leaving the room with a hand on his arm. “No, Cas, I mean both of you.” Wishing that he could simply snap his fingers and have both of them automatically understand, he stares into Cas’s eyes like he’s done so many times before, trying to will his jumble of thoughts into the angel’s head.

Cas must only get static, though, because he smiles his same old fond smile, puts his hand on Dean’s left shoulder like he always does, and replies, “Of course, Dean. I’m always here when you need me. How can I help?”

Dean groans, wiping down his face with his hand while his shoulders droop. “Fuck, this is hard,” he mutters, then leads Cas back to where he’d been sitting on the bed, drags over the desk chair, and sits facing them both. “Look, I don’t do chick flick stuff, and you guys both know that, so bear with me, okay?”

Cas and Y/N both nod, and Dean wishes he had the whiskey bottle with him. Maybe a little in vino veritas would help him get through this. Staring at the two of them, he doesn’t even know where to start. He looks back and forth at each of them again, noting that they’re holding hands once more, and focuses on that.

“Look, guys, I know you two are,” he waves a hand around trying to indicate what he means, “together? Involved? Whatever you want to call it since we’re not in high school and we’ve all worked to derail an apocalypse or two. And I don’t want to mess with that. Well, not exactly. Wait, that’s not what I meant.” He takes a steadying breath and mutters, “Fuck, this is hard,” yet again.

He looks up and finally notices that both Cas and Y/N are now considerably less relaxed than they were a minute ago. Both sit stiff-backed, trying to look at anything but each other, and their hands are no longer linked.

“Wait, you guys are together, right?” Dean asks, suddenly questioning every moment he’s ever seen between them.

Y/N clears her throat and replies, “Well, that’s kind of what I was trying to talk to Cas about when you came in.” Her eyes bounce between Cas and Dean nervously and she shifts her position on the bed a little so she’s facing towards Cas a little more. “Cas, part of what I was trying to say is that I have, you know, feelings for you, that are, well, more than friendship.” Her words rush faster and faster until she gets to the end. “I held it in for so long, and then I was dead, and you were dead, and it was all awful, but now we’re back, and we’re here, and I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel what I feel.” She ends with a small gasp of much-needed air and then stares fearfully at the angel while she carefully exhales.

Cas tilts his head and squints, and Y/N slowly deflates a little bit more with every moment Cas takes to reply. Dean had no idea what he was walking into but somehow feels a little better knowing he’s not the only one feeling the need to put things on the table. The only concern now is that he might be watching the two people he wants so very much get together right in front of him, without him. Well, I’ll always have Sammy and visits to Rowena in Hell, he thinks.

“Cas? Please say something,” Y/N pleads, the panic becoming clear to Dean as her breathing quickens and her hands fumble in her lap.

“I thought you were in love with Dean?” Cas blurts out, leaving all three of them exchanging looks between them.

Dean sits up straighter and glances between Cas and Y/N, but focuses more on Y/N. “Really?” He can’t stop the word from leaving his mouth. He’s too excited by the possibility. Doing the math in his head, his heart starts to race happily. Half a chance Cas really loves him like he said, half a chance Y/N loves him like Cas said, that equals a whole chance he might actually get at least half of what he wants.

Completely ignorant to the social graces surrounding admitting other people’s feelings for other people to those other people, Cas just keeps going, turning to Dean. “Yes. I’ve noticed her engaging in some of the social actions that usually indicate romantic affection towards you. I assumed that meant she had feelings for you.”

Dean looks at Cas, then throws his hands up in the air. “Well, I’ve been watching the two of you cuddle up together all the time like two peas in a damn pod, so I knew she had feelings for you! And you’ve been cuddling right back, so I figured that meant the two of you were a thing, no matter what you said!”

Face glowing a bright red, Y/N interrupted the staring contest between the two men. “Well, I’ve been watching all the eye-fucking between you two since day one, so I thought you two were a thing! I mean, seriously, you two need to kiss or fuck or something so the rest of us can breathe clear air, again!”

Both Dean and Cas turn to stare at Y/N.

“What? You two had no problem talking about my feelings! Turnabout’s fair play!”

Cas takes hold of Y/N’s hand to ground her and says, “So, you have romantic feelings for both of us, then?”

Fear washes over her face as she nods, nervously glancing between the two of them.

Cas smiles. “And I have romantic feelings for both of you,” he states. The two of them smile at each other for a moment and then turn to Dean in unison. Their hands are clutched together, knuckles white with tension.

With two pairs of striking eyes staring at him, Dean squirms.

“Dean, we would very much appreciate you telling us what you’re thinking and feeling, right now,” Cas said, using his calmest and most caring voice. “I believe the phrase is, ‘this is a safe space.’”

Dean takes a steadying breath, looks at each of them individually, and decides there’s no use running now. He’s here. He knows there will be a soft landing when he jumps. He’s jumped into worse with less and come out winning. He can do this.

Dean takes Y/N’s free hand in one of his and squeezes it while he decides what words to use. She relaxes, her shoulders dropping, but Dean notices Cas stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Dean stiffens right along with him, bringing his eyes up just in time to see the flash of disappointment in Cas’s eyes before it disappears.

Fuck, he’s screwing this all up, already.

Words are still foreign things he can’t seem to grasp, so he decides to act instead. Still holding Y/N’s hand, he reaches with his other hand to grasp Cas’s neck and pull him in.

The kiss is awkward as hell. Cas’s eyes are wide open when Dean closes his, and then teeth clash, and Cas stays frozen while Dean tries to gently kiss some life into him. Right before Dean is about to pull away and question all his life choices, Cas melts. Cas’s hand is suddenly in Dean’s hair, pulling Dean closer as the kiss turns into the warmest, loveliest kiss Dean’s ever experienced. Cas’s lips are as soft as Dean ever imagined, the little bit of rough stubble a new but not awful feeling, and Dean’s pretty sure he could do this for hours and never come up for air. Maybe it would kill him, but he’d be okay dying this way.

Eventually, the kiss turns to little nibbles, and then they simply sit there for a moment, foreheads together and eyes closed, feeling the warmth of each other.

“I didn’t think you could feel what I feel,” Dean whispered. “And then you said you could, and you did, and then you were gone, and it was too late.” He shifts only enough to press his lips to Cas’s again one more time. “You can have everything you want, angel,” he says, pulling back enough to look Cas in the eyes.

Cas’s smile is as wide and happy as Dean’s ever seen it. They stare at each other for another one of those long moments where Dean swears Cas must be able to freeze time. Cas’s eyes shift away from Dean, and he’s reminded that he’s staring at only half of his happiness.

The other half is still holding his hand, watching him and Cas with wide eyes and a shy smile. With nothing left to lose, Dean leans in and feels the rest of his world click into place as his lips settle perfectly on hers. The kiss with her is different, and yet also the same in how right it feels. She opens her mouth a little, and their tongues slide together like they’ve done this a hundred times before. When they finally break apart, he doesn’t know what to say, so he just lets his smile loose. She smiles back, and he knows she understands.

Everything in him wants to keep going back and forth, kissing them both, but there’s always that little voice inside his head —which sounds a bit like Chuck, these days— that tells him that this isn’t real. It makes him slow down a bit, lean back in his chair, and enjoy looking at the two people in front of him. He watches the two of them kiss and is surprised when his gut doesn’t churn with jealousy this time.

Each time he had imagined what they did behind closed doors, he was miserable. Yet, here he is, watching them kiss, feeling happy. The part of him that was jealous and hurt now knows that they both want him, too. He’s not on the outside looking in, anymore.

The little voice that sounds like Chuck gets a little louder. ‘What is this, a three-way roll in the hay like with the Doublemint twins back before Hell, or those triplets with Lee? Yeah, this isn’t how real life works, pal.’

Cas and Y/N finally pull away from each other but continue to stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Now, Dean knows how other people have felt while he’s stared at Cas in the past. Part of him wants to laugh at that, but that evil little voice has convinced him that this is temporary. They’re all holding hands, now, like some kind of hippie prayer circle or Zen meditation thing, grinning like idiots at each other, and it can’t last.

Dean’s smile falters, and he looks down at their hands, trying to memorize this moment before it all comes crashing down. Before he has to choose. Before they have to choose. Before he loses everything.

Cas lets go of his hand and uses it to lift Dean’s chin so he sees Cas’s face again. “You can have this, Dean. We can have this, exactly like this. We don’t have to choose. It won’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is, right?” Cas’s hand drops down and grasps his hand, again. “Polyamory is not unheard of and is accepted in many cultures.”

Dean looks back and forth between Cas and Y/N, gauging their feelings about this from their expressions.

Y/N giggles and shrugs when Dean looks at her, questions in his eyes. “I’m game to try if you are. I’m guessing it’s going to involve a lot of honesty and talking, but I could never choose between you.”

Dean’s shoulders relax and he takes what feels like the first deep breath of his life. He’s fallen, hard and fast, expecting the pain of a crash landing, but found a safety net instead. It’s thrilling, it’s scary, and his heart wants to burst out of his chest, but it’s all good.

Squeezing both of their hands, he grins. “Let’s do this, then.”

Later, when he and Y/N are curled into Cas in bed, who’s reading a book because he doesn’t sleep, Dean squeezes her hand on the broad chest between them and smiles when she squeezes back. When he’s asleep and dreaming about hunts and fights and beating the Devil, for the first time, when he falls, he lands softly.