#sucicide

[lostmf]

“Parents aren’t supposed to bury their kids “

I tell myself

But then parents aren’t supposed to do a lot of things to their children

So I guess it won’t matter if they did this one more thing

[someguy404]

Does anyone know how to be sent to a mental hospital??? I don’t mean this in an attention seeking way.

I’m a minor and I can’t admit myself, I’m too scared to call a hotline, and my family doesn’t notice anything— even my multiple attempts.

I know some r not the best places to be but I genuinely can’t keep myself safe anymore. Pls help.

[vampireapple]

Grief

Warning: this story contains violence, murder, and suicide.

.  .  .  .  .

Humans have strong pack bonding instincts. They are predictably protective of those they consider theirs. They predictably react with danger or violence when their people are threatened. 

What is not predictable is how they react when one of those closest to them dies. 

.  .  .  .  .

The pirate ship they had been sent to capture was drifting in front of them. Captain suspected a trap. 

Three days ago a pirate crew had taken a pair of humans. Their crew had been dispatched to rescue the humans. Five hours go the pirate ship had appeared on their radar, not moving.

Captain ordered the ship captured and boarded. The boarding crew had barely left before they returned, reporting that the ships toxic chemical alarm system was blaring. The crew put on the proper protection and reboarded. 

Everyone on the ship was dead, all sixteen pirates and both humans. Some looked they died from the poison in the air. Others clearly died from violence. The saddest was the humans. They were in a locked cell. The male had clearly been brutalized. The female was curled around him. She had seemingly less severe injuries, indicating she most likely died from poison. 

Captain ordered the security logs and video feeds seized to be reviewed for investigation. The resulting information was... disturbing. 

The humans had been bound on opposite sides of the same cell and left there for nearly a day, presumably as the pirates made their escape. Five pirates finally entered the cell and took turns beating the male to death. It was difficult to watch, made all the worse by the female's reaction. She screamed and begged, thrashing against her bonds, and injuring herself. When the male finally died, she made such a horrible keening wail, as if she herself were dying.

The pirates left the cell for another three hours before two of them entered to remove the female. She was limp until all the rope was removed. She exploded into movement, incapacitating both pirates. She ran, not to an escape pod, but to the engine room. She sabotaged the engine, cutting power to most of the ship. Then she attacked the air filtration system, pumping poison through it. She took several large tools, broke the door so it could not be opened, and went after the crew. She killed four of them before the alarms went off. The pirates went to the engine room, desperate to get inside. She went back to the cell, to be with the male. 

The families of the humans expressed grim satisfaction at the death of the pirates. Justice had been served, they said. 

Humans were known to be a vengeful race. It was understandable to kill those who murdered the male. But to kill all of them? And not even try to escape or survive? Humans were a scary race.

.  .  .  .  .

It was an accident. A freak, one in a billion accident. But that didn't matter. Her sweet baby was still dead. Cheerful Miriam would never again bring her emm a pretty rock or colorful leaf. When Jonathan died of an aneurysm five years ago Rebekah had shattered. She loved her husband dearly, had no idea how to go on. But she had to go on. She had a toddler depending on her. She had to pull herself together. Miriam became Rebekah's world. Now her daughter was dead. 

Rebekah did not want to live anymore. 

.  .

Gerker was saddened by his coworker Rebekah's death. She was a good worker and a good human. Her self-termination was a waste he could not understand. He resolved to ask another human coworker, Sarah, about it at lunch. 

Sarah raised an eyebrow as Gerker joined her and two others at the lunch table, but didn't comment. They were not friends, but everyone in the office was friendly.

"If I may, Sarah," Gerker started "I would like to ask you a question about Rebekah."

Sarah closed her eyes, took a deep breath, held it, let it out, and opened her eyes. "Yes, what question did you have?"

"Rebekah's self-termination seems so pointless. She had much of her life left."  Gerker missed the way Sarah went very still. "She could have found another mate and had anoth-"

Sarah jerked to her feet, her chair clattering back to fall on the ground. She grabbed her ceramic mug and raised it, ready to strike Gerker. Hot liquid spilled over on the floor, the table, Sarah, but she took no notice. The expression on her face, her body language, filled Gerker with dread. He shrank back in his seat. Suddenly he understood why humans were so feared.

They had the attention of everyone in the room. The three other humans, Noah, Hannah, and David, stood and moved closer, putting Gerker in a rough circle of humans. Their body language was not threatening, not yet, just watchful, and ready. The others at the table wisely moved away.

"Did you say that to Rebekah?" The menace in Sarah's voice had shivers going through Gerker.

"Wh- what?" He squeaked.

"Did you tell Rebekah that she could just start a new family?"

Tension in the room elevated as Noah, Hannah and David went from watchful to angry. David jerked, as if he was restraining himself from attacking Gerker.

"No! No, I swear! She was dead before I could tell her!”

Sarah did not waste time by walking around the table, she flipped it over and came within inches

of Gerker, ceramic mug still elevated in a strike position.

"Do not ever,” Sarah snarled, venom in every word "tell someone they can just start a new family. Never."

The room was silent as Sarah stared down Gerker. Noah held out a hand to her. After two beats she took it, allowing herself to be lead from the room. Hannah and David glared at Gerker before following them. 

Most in the room vowed to never speak to a human about death again.

.  .  .  .  .

Vanessa heard someone walk up behind her, but she ignored them as she finished with the breaker box. No need for someone to get an electric shock. When she was done she turned around, not really surprised to see the first mate standing there.

"Hutchington's leave has been extended by another week," he informed her. "His grandfather has also passed."

Vanessa rubbed her face and signed. Her partner had left five days ago to attend his grandma's funeral, and was supposed to be back in two days. "Yeah, I was kind of expecting that."

"Oh?"

She signed again. "Rick's grandparents were basically the dream. High school sweethearts, married right after graduation. They were together for 81 years."

"That does not explain his grandfather's passing. Was he also ill?"

"No, he most likely wasn't. He was probably grief stricken."

"So he was ill."

"No." Venessa made a frustrated sound. How to explain this? "He loved his wife so much he couldn't bear to live without her."

The first mate stared at her, uncomprehending.

"It doesn't happen all the time, but it's not unheard of, especially with couples that have been together a long time. They just... go to sleep and never wake up. When that happens, we say they 'died of a broken heart'."

"... and this is expected?"

"No, not expected, exactly. But not shocking. People just... loose the will to live without the one they love most."

Venessa turned away, done with the conversation. Sympathetic sadness tightened her throat as she put her tools away. Poor Rick. Poor Rick's family.

The first mate did not understand, but he declined to pursue the matter. He did not want to upset Venessa further. The entire situation was bizarre. Only a human could expire from an emotion.

.  .  .  .  .

Author's Note: My favorite uncle unexpectedly passed in March 2022. A friend lost her battle with cancer in June 2022. Grief had been heavily on my mind when I wrote this July 2022. This was the first time I experienced catharses from writing, so this story, as grim and dark as it is, will always be special to me.

EDIT: Here is a link to a sister story In Memoriam

[mindlessghostlife]

I don't wanna live

[publishedloveletters]

i really need to just jump off the tallest building i can, i think that would fix me

[bbtmia]

Não tenho compulsão alimentar, mas tenho exagero alimentar. Minhas emoções eu as transformo em desejo de comer.

Se estou feliz: quero comer.

Se estou triste: quero comer.

Estou com tédio: quero comer.

Qualquer emoção aleatória: quero comer.

Eu não consigo parar isso, não consigo. Comigo as coisas funcionam apenas nos extremos.

Ou eu como tudo, ou não como nada.

Eu me sintia bonita quando estava pesando 93kg, porque diferente de antes, de certa forma, estava mais magra.

Mas agora essa felicidade se foi, assim como meu desejo de viver. Não sei quanto estou pesando agora, mas sei que já estou a cima de 100kg. Provavelmente estou com 110kg, ou até mais, vai saber. Só a balança vai saber me dizer.

Quando percebi que engordei, pensei em me matar. Eu tinha lutado tanto para perder aquela maldita gordura, mas por relaxo, recuperei tudo e mais um pouco.

Minhas doem dos cortes que faço com frequência, mal deixando os antigos cortes cicatrizarem.

Não tenho mais vontade de viver. Viver para mim está sendo cansativo demais.

Meu corpo gordo não permite que eu me sinta bonita, minha cara gorda que parece uma bolacha traquinas cheia de espinhas me causa repulsa. Não posso usar roupas curtas, porque pareço uma baleia tentando ser bonita ou estilosa.

Não posso usar roupas coladas porque pareço uma bola de carne nojenta. A gordura que tanto tendo esconder fica exposta para que todos possam ver o quão gorda sou.

Mas, no fim, não tenho forças para mudar nada disso.

A morte é um desejo que um dia será realizado.

[jane-gunson123]

Dead Boys.

When a geordie boxer looses her brother to suicied a week before the biggest fight of her career and walks out to her boyfriends song, Dead Boys.

Main masterlist

Sam Fender masterlist

Growing up with brothers meant Lacey was always fighting. Whether it was with her brothers, Jordan and kyle or other people, it was all she seamed to do. Her oldest brother, Jordan had a different mam to her and Kyle, and grew up in Sunderland meaning they only saw him a few days a week but that didn’t matter they were still siblings. 

When Lacey was 15 Jordan had signed a contract at liverpool and his football career started to take off and Kyle was 17, a year away from leaving for uni to become whatever his heart desired, he was intelligent enough to do anything, really. 

Lacey was never very academically gifted, she much preferred to be out on the streets doing what ever she pleased. She hated how much control authority figures had over her. The only reason she kept going was to one, make her brothers proud and two, see her best friends everyday, Sam, Dean and Abi. The four of them had ran North Shields ragged in their youth, terrorising the neighbors and business owners all there teens.   

On the 18th August 2012, Lacey had gotten her GCSE results back, they were shocking, 4 D’s and 1 C in PE the only thing she was good at, she had laughed it off at first, until she realised she couldn’t even apply for a proper collage course without resitting them. She hated exam's and refused to even attempt her GCSE’s again. 

After wondering aimlessly around North Shields for the better part of 2 hours, she decided to let of some steam and wondered into a boxing gym she had passed many a times. That was probably the best decision he had ever made to this day, for that was the day her life changed forever. 

That was about 11 years ago now and Lacey Henderson was very quickly becoming a household name in women's boxing. She was a mear 2 weeks away from the biggest fight of her career against Katie Taylor for the WBA,IFB and WBC belts while also putting her own belt she had defender 3 times already the WBO belt.

Her life had changed dramatically in the past 11  years, she had gone from living a life of poverty to upper middle class but yet she still refused to live anywhere apart from North Shields. 

She was still extremely close to both her brother, she had watched Jordan’s devastating defeat in the Euros final a mere few months ago and Kyle had just welcomed a little girl, Bella into the world with his girlfriend, Rosie 10 months ago. They had met at a bar in the quayside, Rosie being a English teacher at her old high school and Kyle being a fireman ment they often only saw each other for a couple hours day but the love they shared was unbeatable.

Lacey still remained close to her best friends, so close in fact she was in bed with one of them. Her and sam had always loved each other more than friends but had only actually gotten together about 6 months before lockdown and what was even more surprising was catching Abi and Dean the other half of there group in Abi’s bed after a practically, heavy drinking session the day before after lockdown rules had been lifted. 

6 days till fight night, she had her friend, boyfriend and team around her. Jordan and Kyle were only expected to show up a day before her fight but both rang her everyday to show their support. Lacey and Kyle had lost their mam to an overdose 3 weeks before Lacey’s 18th birthday and then the three hd lost their father to cancer 5 years ago, so they only really had each other as family now, even if they did have about a 100 cousins up and down the country thanks to their dads Gypies roots.

After finishing a sparring session, Lacey had picked up her phone to see 7 missed calls from Rosie, Kyle's girlfriend, 5 off Jordan and 3 off Sam, who was only back at the house they owned in London, which happened to be next to the Gym she attended their and Wembley arena where the fight was due to happen in 6 days time.

Lacey had decided to stay behind while everyone else had left and continue to work on her form with the punching bag.

Pulling the tape of her hands once she had finished her training for the day, Laceys phone began to ring, “Hello.” Lacey answered. 

“Lace.” Rosie answered back in hysterics.

“Woah, what’s the matter, Rose? Is everyone okay?” lacey asked, anxious. She never really showed emotion but she had never heard Rosie sound so distressed.

“He’s gone, lace.” She sobbed.

“Who’s gone? What u on about?” Lacey questioned again.

“Kyle,” Rosie sobbed, “He's dead.”

The room began to spin and lights began to blur, it was like Lacey had no control over her body as she fell to her knee and her phone slipped out of her hands.

She didn’t know how long she had been on her knees, staring at the wall in frount of her but what she did know was no tears fell. It was like she went blank and just simply couldn’t process the information she had been told.

Pulled out of her thoughts by her phone ringing once again, it was Sam but she didn’t answer. Just simply declined the call, stood up and walked toward the locker room in the gym.

After showering and changing into a tracksuit she had stolen of Sam a few weeks ago, Lacey simply packed her bag and began her walk home to hers and Sam’s house.

Nobody had heard from her in over an hour since she had found out about her brother and they were beginning to panic she would do something silly, you never know how dark someone’s mind can go after hearing news like that.

Unlocking the front door, she was engulfed into Sam’s arms, he had been waiting for her to arrive him since he had heard about Kyle.

“It’s alright love, I promise I’m always here, whenever you need me, okay?” Sam reassured her.

“I’m okay Sam, honest” Lacey replied, but Sam had know the girl since she was 5 and could tell when she tried to hide what she was feeling, her big blue eyes usually gave it away.

“You might think u are but your not. It’s okay to cry darlin’, just let it all out.” Sam rubbed her back pulling her onto his knee on the floor.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” She spoke meekly, tears pooling in her eyes.

Soon the water works started and they didn’t stop, not until late into the night anyways.

That was 5 days ago and nobody apart from close family and friends knew what had happened to her brother. She didn’t want it to get out before her fight and everybody was completely understanding.

Jordan had arrived about 2 hours ago with his wife to watch her weigh ins. He was worried about Lacey. Worried that she break in the ring, that it would all be to overwhelming for.

Lacey stepped on the scaled making her weight by 5 pounds, it was weird for her not wearing anything about from an underwear set, and yet she had never felt more confident and Sam thought she looked stunning witch he was sure going to tell her later on when he had he to him self.

Katie Taylor had also made her weight and the two nearly ended up in a fight on the stage. It was entertaining for the fans but also fuelled a fire with in Lacey that couldn’t be put out.

The next 24 hours flew by, she had slept and eaten but could really remember doing anything else. Usually in the locker room before a fight nerves are high and adrenaline is pumping but in all honestly Lacey’s team had never seen her so mellow.

She was sat in the corner getting her hands wrapped with AirPod in calm, listening to music in a world of her own.

It was eventually time for her to walk out, with a sigh Lacey stood up and made her way to the tunnel to walk out. Her team were waiting for her walk out song to start playing, it had been picked weeks ago, shortly after the fight had been announced, so imagine there supprise when instead of Get up 10 by Cardi B Dead Boys by none other than her boyfriend Sam Fender started playing.

Her team knew it was a not so subtle nod to her now passed brother but everyone else was clueless. After a slow walk out, Lacey jumped in the ring and smirked at Katie Taylor as Dead Boys finished playing, Lacey pulled her walk out outfit off with the help of her coach, Peter Roberts.

“You got this kid,” Peter said lightly grabbing her head. Lacey just nodded and smiled. She had this and he knew it.

“Fighting out of the blue corner, all the way from Bray, Northern Ireland, Katie ‘The Bray Bomber’ Taylor, weighting in at 66 kilos, 5ft5 with a reach of 66 inches. 22 wins, 6 by K.O. Undefeated champion, with three belts on the line, WBA, IFB and WBO” the announcer screamed over the speakers.

“The challenger, fighting out of the red corner, all the way from North Shields, Newcastle, England, Lacey “The Siren” Henderson, weight in at 65.95 kilos, 5ft7 with a reach of 70 inches. Undefeated with 13 wins, 7 by K.O with the WBO belt on the line, but looking to take all four titles in her weight class.” The announcement had finished.

With the touch of gloves the fight had began, they were going for 12, 3 minute rounds to decide the champ.

It was neck to neck going into the 7th round but Katie was getting tired, while Lacey was only just starting.

Katie went in to attack but left her chin u guarded, so Lacey used that to her advantage, a swift left hook to Katie’s jaw, followed buy an uppercut and a jab to the stomach sent Katie flying onto the canvas.

After the count of 10 Katie was still unmoved, she had done it she was world champion and had all 4 belts.

Ripping her gloves off with her teeth and chucking them, she ran and jumped up onto the ropes, kissing her fingers, before putting both arms in the air and looking up.

“That’s for you big brother.” She mumbled, it was inaudible to anyone else but she knew her brother was there with her, he was in her heart and always would be.

Her team flooded the ring, hosting her on their shoulders before they cleared off and let her grab the refs had before he raised it announcing she now had all 4 belts.

She was pulled aside to talk to a reporter, tears were streaming down her face.

“So, what was that celebration aimed at?” The reporter asked.

Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder and moods his head encouraging her to continue.

“I lost me older brother, Kyle, 6 days ago. He was meant to be here tonight, buts he’s not, he took his own life after losing a long hard battle with depression, and I never want anymore of me family to feel like they have no one cos I’ve been there before and it’s a dark and lonely place. Boxing saved is but if I hadn’t stumbled into that gym at 16, I can guarantee I wouldn’t be here today.” The tears streamed steadily down the young Geordie’s face, her accent become almost incomprehensible.

“You were the underdog going into that fight, how does it feel to come out on top?” The report asked, scribbling down her last answer.

“I’ve always been the fucken underdog, nouts changed. I just like proving people wrong.”

“What can we expect to see from you in the next year?”

“I want a family, and while I would love me own kids, it’s not the right time in my career or me partners, so maybe a new member to me family, we want to adopt. And fighting wise, who knows the world I’d ready for my to conquer. I’m 26 and already have won every single belt there is too win, so I divint nar to be honest”

“And finally is there any one you would like to call out?” The reporter asked.

“Anyone who thinks they can take these belts of me, come and give it a try.”

They story of her brother was now public knowledge as 4 days later there was hoards of reports outside Newcastle Crematorium as they laid Kyle to rest. The service was beautiful and Sam and Jordan never left her side once.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but I’m so fucken proud of you, after everything your still here and fighting.” Jordan said as he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead .

He shielded Lacey away from the flashing cameras of the newspaper as he guided her out to his car with Sam and Rebecca, Jordan’s wife and Rosie not far behind.

They pulled up outside of the Low Lights in North Shields to give there brother a proper send off and that was just what they did. They drank the day away with stories of the last and their youth all the way up to the last time they had all been together at Lacey and Sam’s house for Christmas, when Sam burnt the turkey and Jordan got that drunk he fell on top of the Christmas tree, knocking over Lacey’s candles, nearly setting the house on fire.

They had laughed, cried and grieved together but this wasn’t the hardest part of kissing there brother that part was still to come but Lacey would be fine, Sam would be by her side thought everything, just like he had been every time Lacey needed him and even when she didn’t he was there and for that she was forever great full for him.

In the months to come Lacey and Sam would become parents, just not in the way they thought, as it turns out Rosie had been 4 months pregnant when Kyle had passed. After finding out she was 6 months gone and was not getting rid of it.

The pregnancy was stressful and hard but Lacey was by her side thought it all, even when she took her last breath after delivering a beautiful little boy into the world.

It had been Sam and Lacey to take her brother and sister in laws children in. They would raise the two kids as there own but never letting them forgot how brave and strong there parents really were.

Rosie was buried next to Kyle and Sam and Lacey would take the kids to visit there parents every few weeks.

Little did they know at the time but the two children would be forever great full for there aunt and uncle.

Growing old together was all Sam and Lacey ever wanted and that was what they did. They had raised two kids, and being grandparents to their kids and many dogs and both had extremely successful careers so when they both passed at the age of 86 together in the home in North Shields, everyone knew they had lived fulfilling lives and had no regrets.

It was a perfect end to a story with a horrible start but everyone deserves a happy ending eventually.

[koredzas]

Lorenzo Lotto - The Portrait of a Woman with a Drawing of Lucretia. Detail. 1530 - 1533

[eydieuwu]

Tenia tiempo sin pensar en el suicidio

Solo quería que las personas que me hacían daño murieran, y eso ayudaba.

Pero ahora me doy cuenta que yo soy el problema.

[in-the-dark19]

I don’t know how much longer I can keeping saying ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’m just tired’

[the-t-boy-king]

I'm so fucking tried of hearing about trans people's deaths. Brazil Johnson, Regina Allen, Cashay Henderson, Brianna Ghey Brianna Ghey, and now Eden Knight. There's probably a dozen more deaths that we don't know about.

Both Eden Knight and Brianna Ghey were deadnamed and misgender in articles and on Twitter. Eden was forced to detransition after being kidnapped. Her death wasn't a suicide. It was a murder.

Trans people aren't trying to trans the kids or whatever the fuck conservatives believe. We're not trying to trick people or anything. We're trying to live our lives.

I don't want to keep mourning trans' peoples deaths. We shouldn't have to be afraid all the time. I should be able to grow old. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GROW OLD!

I'm sorry to Brazil Johnson, Regina Allen ,Cashay Henderson, Brianna Ghey, and Eden Knight. I'm sorry to all of those whose deaths went unnoticed. I'm so sorry you didn't live to see trans liberation. I hope you all find the peace you desperately wanted in life in death. You all deserved better. I will keep fighting for them.

[lostmf]

If all I did for most of my life was to survive ?

What does that mean ..

I don’t know what to tell people when they ask me what I have been up to ?

I have been alive !!

I have used all my energy to stop myself from ending it

I have used it to hide how miserable I am from everyone in my life !

Is that enough ?

I don’t know ..

[someguy404]

scared of dying, tired of living

[mi-universo-poetico]

A estas hora se me pegan unas ganas de no existir....

[mindlessghostlife]

Kinda hurts....

[publishedloveletters]

im gonna go one of these days and nobody will realize