#switch between writing and drawing because both inspired the other

[threadmonster]

Look, once I get my hand to relax and have more time again i'm gonna be unstoppable cuz guess who rediscovered their personal creative pipeline. Take that burnout.

[hroscek]

✎📃Dottore studying headcanons📚

Back again with more Dottore content. This is a bit of a mix between a modern au but still somehow compliant with Genshin? Idk I just wanted to write ab him studying and projecting finding inspiration in my own life without having to explain how he has access to YouTube in his akademiya days okay? Anyways enjoy and make sure to study if you happen to be procrastinating at the moment (I will know)!

⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜

Dottore study headcanons

Probably the type that ultra-focuses on the material in front of him leading to generally neglecting any and all other needs until he physically can't anymore (nearly burnt down his dorm via hair catching fire from a candle when he fell asleep at the desk)

Thinks he's above attending lectures so he'd definitely be that one student that never shows up but still ends up acing the exams.

Fully believes that he must achieve a state of total focus to optimize his brain. This starts as threatening the other students into leaving him alone as he studies, drawing the curtains and shutting out all other distractions. Probably spent too much on finding a good noise-cancelling headset.

After getting kicked out gracefully parting ways with the akademiya he devoted some time to trying to find ways to improve his focus even more. I'm talking full blown rounds of experimentation with different methods such as binaural beats (actually works tbh), sensory deprivation tanks etc. Sort of how greater lord rukkhadevata would shut herself away to meditate, but he would never admit how similar their methods are.

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if the original Dottore is just floating in a state of meditation rn trying to achieve max brain power (legit a headcanon for me now lmao).

Seeing as he probably doesn't sleep much, especially when in the thick of experiments he tries his best to compensate in other ways. He drank an inhuman amount of coffee or energy drinks (or both at the same time tbh) until he grew a tolerance to all forms of caffeine and is now forced to actually sleep once in a while.

He is intimately familiar with is work area and instantly knows where everything is. To outsiders it looks like a mess of various documents, piles of paper, supplies and mechanical parts. Often he asks a new intern to fetch him a sheet or something and they'll spend hours looking for it in the raven's nest that man calls an office. Then he'll show up pissed as hell like "It was under the desk next to the 3rd used energy core. Are you really that stupid?".

When he's in the zone he's deathly silent, his eyes laser focused on whatever page or machine he's trying to figure out. An observer might be afraid he'll burn a hole trough the object with his eyes. This is probably the only time he doesn't wear his mask as he doesn't want anything to obstruct him. Archons couldn't help the unfortunate soul who dares to interrupt him in this state. Instant volunteer for his next experiment.

Pantalone once decided to gift him with an expensive stationery set in a desperate attempt to get him to organize his study. It included quills, ink, various highlighters and organizers all in pastels with cute motifs. "To bring some positivity to the gloomy atmosphere around you!". Dottore claimed to hate it but was seen months later using a kitten-themed notepad at one of his labs.

✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮✮

Another post, another slay (probs a flop). I'm currently taking a half-voluntary gap year because I decided to switch universities a little too late in the year oops. And honestly in this time I've realized how much I thrive in the academic environment and I miss studying so much! Idk might sound a bit too optimistic coming from someone who's currently not under any pressing deadlines or tests but I really do miss it. As much as I hated crunching the night before a test and stressed about the material I believe it's an environment I truly thrive in. I really do find such comfort in being able to take notes, discuss with classmates and professors. It's probably one of the many reasons I find Dottore relatable. We both share such a thirst for knowledge and focus way too much on our favorite subjects. I'm rambling, sorry. Thank you so much for reading and please don't be shy to send me asks or comments with ideas you'd like me to expand upon. I'm still pretty new to writing in fandom space so I'd really be grateful to get feedback and see what the community wants lol.

Have a good day! ❀

[celestialtrolls-moved]

Aelynn is ready for the ball! The result of blood, sweat and tears (both mine and hers), and now I'm gonna go let my hand collapse and potentially fall off my body!

But that's not all, because I put my whole brain into this design, so click the read more to see ME EXPLAIN NEARLY EVERY SINGLE DESIGN DECISION I MADE AND WIPS

themes that were kept in mind

CARNEVALE CONFECTIONS: A BLOODSTAINED MASQUERADE

Sogno Dell’Arlecchino + Blood & Candy

inspiration focuses were chocolates, vampires (blood and gothic), carnevale (harlequins), decadence and detail, and Italy. just. in general.

DRAFT 1, sketch

writing, from top left to bottom right

makeup is carnevale inspired, maybe jade for vampire/rainbow drinker

ribbon-like chocolate gift decoration (in hair)

drips - blood? chocolate? (necklace)

wavy hair to invoke pouring chocolate

cream filling or icing (around the hem of bust)

rhinestones in hair and in tulle for decadence

tulle (bustle) -> make it lace, more common in carnevale costumes

caramel drizzle, small jewels as 'salt' (decorating the gloves)

corset VERY IMPORTANT for vampiresque vibe

subtle pattern (on the corset)

like little maltesers (on the bustle)

alternating black and white (skirt panels)

the dress shape itself was inspired by several looks from 'salon du chocolat' fashion shows, however this was abandoned

DRAFT 2, lines (attempt 1)

switched to a long skirt for a more classic silhouette, skirt drafts

based on various cake decoration methods, asked in servers which i should go with and then tried to merge the chocolate chips and the icing for maximum decadence, however

chocolate chips were abandoned due to looking somewhat messy

some rhinestones were placed to replace them much later

LINEWORK, attempt 2 (i redrew the entire thing with a thinner lineweight)

as well as the things written here, i switched out the hairpiece from chocolate squares to unturned fangs and roses

i also included the rest of the moodboard i was using in this image so you can see the other things i was inspired by

COLOUR DRAFTS

tried roughly placing colour in this phase, wanted to have a bright lilac main colour to balance out the dark details and hair, since carnevale costumes tend to be extremely bright and eye-catching, tried to avoid using completely desaturated colours

decided to put the gradient at the bottom of the dress because putting it at the top made it look like it wasn't one piece with the bust, wasn't really happen with the contrast between the leg ribbons and the lilac however

part way through colouring i decided i hated the lilac, tried to darken it a little, still didn't like it, turned it black

decided to hand-draw a tonne of embroidery for the corset because most carnevale dresses have heavy detail in texture and lace pattern

the front two panels are paisley/plant-inspired and then the panels on the back which is then echoed for the translucent torso piece are geometric patterns based off of commedia dell'arte costumes for the character trope 'harlequin'

the torso piece also has small unique embroidered flowers in each of the larger empty spaces because seriously these carnevale outfits go so heavy on patterns

more italian gothic architecture, this hatched pattern has a multiply layer depicting the Duomo of Siena onto the fan, which is a fascinating piece of architecture that spanned centuries to finish

[sweet-little-raven]

BLL — Sneak Peek

Wednesday walked towards the mirror that hung between a few books on a shelf of the bookcase. She gasped when she saw her reflection: her neck was a canvas of contrasts, the delicate skin marred by deep, darkened purples and reds. The bruises varied in size and shape; some small and circular, others more elongated, like the brushstrokes of a hand. Had Enid really been this rough? Impressive.

The hickeys, however, were darker—almost black in the center, fading out to a lighter shade at the edges. They were scattered all across her throat and collarbone, each one a memory to the passion and force with which Enid had kissed and bitten her last night.

The sight of the state her neck and collarbone were left in brought a small, almost imperceptible smile to her lips. She gingerly touched one of the bruises, feeling the slight sting that accompanied the memory. Woah. It was unusual for her to let anyone get this close, to leave such visible marks on her body, but with Enid... it was different. Oh, all the things she wanted her to do to her...

"Impressive," she murmured as she continued to inspect herself in the mirror.

"Does it hurt?" Pugsley asked, standing at the doorway of the office.

"A little bit. I've never felt this kind of pain before... but I have to admit, it's really agreeable."

The boy chuckled. "Only you can say this about pain. You know, I never thought you'd be a bottom. You disappoint me, sister."

Wednesday's smile faded away as she turned around to face her brother. Darker, bloodier thoughts replacing the memories of last night. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"Well... Your neck says it all."

"For your information, I wasn't a 'bottom,' as you call it."

"Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain all these bruises and hickeys?"

"I was on top. Then we switched. Then I was on top again. I was on top most of the time."

Pugsley wrinkled his nose and scrunched up his face, his eyebrows drawing together in a tight frown at the thought. His lips curled downward as if he had just tasted something incredibly sour. "Uhm... Okay, I don't think I actually wanted to know this," he murmured with a mix of disgust and embarrassment.

"You started this. Since when does a little talk make you uncomfortable, Pugsley?"

"You're my sister. Imagining you fucking that blonde—"

"Enid."

"—Enid, is something I would prefer to not imagine."

"Then don't." By now, the brunette was fully dressed in the clothes she wore yesterday: white buttoned-up shirt, black slacks and her black vest she decided to leave open. "Are you done talking about my sexual life now? Our parents are waiting."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

A/N: Little sneak peek of my next fanfiction that, for now, I will call by its initials, BLL. At the moment I have 30k words and still have a lot of chapters to write. I will only post it once it is finished, as I sometimes modify previous chapters as I write and feeling stressed about posting makes me lose inspiration and then I end up abandonning the fic. So I will wait to post it to be able to have a nice posting schedule (probably 2 times a week.) Hopefully I will finish soon, because I am extremely excited to post it 🤍 For those confused about this scene, Enid and Wednesday had a one-night stand in Wednesday's office. They are both adults in this story. Anyways, I hope you liked this little sneak peek! I also might post some more in the future :)

[chaikachi]

Hi, Chai! I've been following you for a bit, mostly for the RG content, and I've recently seen you talk about your other non-RWBY interests when I realized that I'm really curious on what other media do you like? (Be it shows, movies, music, games, books, etc.)

Oughh this is a very good question. I'll put them under a read more cause I have a feeling I took this question too literally and it might get just a little bit long because of that. 💦

I'm generally very passive with the media I consume and only draw as much RWBY as I do because RG has had me in a vice grip since V8E1 and isn't letting go anytime soon. 💀 But I do engage with lots of other stuff too! This isn't an exhaustive list, just ones I like lots or re-watch often enough.

Anime

I probably watch this stuff more than anything else. My favourite of all time is probably The Eccentric Family, both seasons. The art direction and the messages of the story just hit very hard for me and I re-watch it pretty much every year. My second favourite is Kekkai Sensen (i prefer the first over second season as they switch directors).

As for others enjoy:

Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

Silver Spoon

Yona of the Dawn

Snow White with the Red Hair

Kyousogiga (recommend if you liked Kekkai Sensen)

A Lull in the Sea

Chaika the Coffin Princess [Now why does that name sound so familiar 🤔]

Anohana

Been really enjoying this season's shows and am looking forward to the Winter 2024 lineup (Dungeon Meshi and Yubisaki to Renren at the same time!!)

Shows

Dragon Prince

The Owl House

Good Omens

Games

Nier (2010),

Transistor

Pyre

Zelda Series (Ocarina of Time & Spirit Tracks are my favourites)

Nier: Automata

Honorary mentions to Grand Chase (an old MMO i used to be obsessed with), Avalon Code (a niche DS game that I really liked), Fire Emblem Awakening (a classic) and Animal Crossing (that I played like it was my day job in 2020).

Movies

Can only think of two live actions and the rest are animated/anime 😭

Stardust

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Howl's Moving Castle

HTTYD (1 & 2)

Kubo and the Two Strings

The Wind Rises

From Up on Poppy Hill

Penguin Highway

Books

I don't read as much as I did when I was a kid, but my top three are probably Runemarks, Howl's Moving Castle, and Stardust (I like the last two a lot because I liked their movies).

Webcomics

Used to be really into these and wanted to write my own before Webtoon kinda... gentrified the entire industry. But hey, I can still talk about some of my favourites!

Shaderunners (queer heist in a roaring 20sish setting)

Witchy (queer south East Asian inspired fantasy adventure)

Kochab (sapphic story between a skier that gets lost and meets a fire spirit I think? It's final updates are going up this month!)

Lady of the Shard (all time favourite. queer polyam lovestory between a goddess and her acolyte. Complete. I reread it every year, I love it so much. The rest of the authors work is also great, you might know them from Cucumber Quest).

Then lastly...

Music

I mostly listen to indie/folk more than anything else, with a bit of jazz/R&B thrown in for flavour. Favourite artists are probably:

San Fermin

Flock of Dimes/Wye Oak

Of Monsters & Men

Maggie Rogers

Florence & the Machine

Paper Kites

Matthew and the Atlas

Halsey

This list obviously isn't exhaustive because I have the memory of a goldfish but those are the highlights that came to mind at least.

Sorry for the long list, but thank you for the question!! It was fun to put all these in one place.

[faytalepsy]

Hi Fay! I was admiring some of your drawings yesterday and this little thing popped into my head 😊 i'm a great fan of your work (not just your drawings but your fics too) so i thought i'd share how they inspire me. It's not much but since it's the first time i write anything at all i'm trying to not be too hard on myself (apologies for any mistakes and formatting, english is not my first language)

you're a gift to this fandom ❤💫

Farah had never bothered to learn how to play chess; truth be told she didn't have the patience for it nor did she care much about strategy (luckily for her and the rest of the batallion, Saul had a natural talent for it).

At first, Rosalind had tried to encourage her to learn by using analogies (that Farah barely understood) and explaining pieces and rules and tactics and other things that Farah didn't pay much attention to. At the end of the day she couldn't remember any of it but to her relief (and surprise) her mentor didn't press it. So Farah never learnt.

Sometimes she felt guilty about it but why should she waste time with that? Her strength was her magic. She was training to become a soldier, to fight in the war. All she had to do was follow Rosalind, she'd train her and lead her into battle. She'd lead all of them to victory.

When she was young Farah used to try to work out which chess piece each member of the batallion represented, even though she only had a vague idea of their value and how they moved: were the specialists meant to be the pawns? Rosalind probably thought so, but surely Saul and Andreas were worth more than an average pawn... and what about the fairies? Would Rosalind consider the less powerful ones in the same regard as the specialists? A fairy like Ben had to be a rook at the very least; he might even become a knight or a bishop one day.

As for the king, Farah decided early on that it represented the inhabitants of the Otherworld. The queen was the most powerful piece in the board which meant it could only be Rosalind. So what was Farah supposed to be?

When she was feeling confident, Farah even dared consider herself as the queen, which left Rosalind in the place of the king. It made sense, she'd tell herself, her mentor didn't take much part in the actual fighting anymore but she remained the most important member of their army. She was the head, their leader, the only piece they couldn't afford to lose.

How stupid she'd been. How blind and ignorant. Pawns and rooks and knights, even the king and queen, they were all just pieces in a game. Rosalind had been the player all along.

Hi my wonderful amazing anon!! I'm incredibly sorry it took me this long to respond but I wanted to do it right and not just type a quick answer crammed in between lectures or other assignments!

First, thank you so so much for your message. I am truly honoured that you shared this with me and everytime I hear one of my works inspires people I could jump with joy! I feel like inspiring others is one of the most beautiful things art can do and it doesn't happen often to me that I'm on the inspiring end!💕

And of course I'm also beyond happy you like ny drawings and fics, thank you for the support!!!💕

As a chess lover (although quite the amateur I fear) I always love chess analogies!! But I have to admit I found it hard to apply them to fate characters because in my mind they only work for specific situations because everyone switches places in my head depending on situation and relationship. That's why I love love love how you had Farah deliberating the pieces and her place on the board from her perspective as a soldier in the war! And the king as the inhabitants of the otherworld would make so much sense! But also Farah deliberating both herself and Rosalind as Queen, comparing how she would measure up to her mentor just to realise that Rosalind was the player all along because she absolutely was.

Again you so much for sharing this and I hope you write more whenever inspiration hits!!

Also can I just say that this message made me happy everytime I opened my inbox for the past week?? because it absolutely has been brightening my day!💕

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

ajtl/yngs x hello saturday

after watching the actual hello saturday episode that the cast attended I got inspired and decided to write a version with the characters from ajtl because i'm missing them and why not. you can watch the full episode here with english subs but I've also summarized the main points in the post in case you don't want to watch the full 1.5 hour show (though imo it's worth it because it with very fun)

The episode basically follows the games/structure of the actual one that the cast of ajtl appeared on: the antidote carrier trying to create a team of non-poisoned swordsmen through hints acquired by winning various mini-games to successfully draw the six-sided sword from Malan Mountain

The games include an action version of "radish squat" to choose their identities as one of the antidote carrier (1), a poisoned swordsman (4), a non-poisoned swordsman (3); pop culture pictionary, except using up to 5 emojis instead of drawing; 3, 2, 1, look here!; group pose description game; some action-based game to replace the don't sing, move game because I didn't find this segment very interesting

Instead of only having four characters guest star on the show, I'm replacing the usual hello saturday cast members with four more characters

In total, there are two teams consisting of: Ren Ruyi, Ning Yuanzhou, Yu Shisan, Yang Ying AND Li Tongguang, Qian Zhao, Yuan Lu, and Sun Lang

In the first game, Ren Ruyi picks up Yang Ying for one of her actions and flusters her

Li Tongguang has to do the same thing thrice with Sun Lang, who gets very flustered and giggly over it suddenly I have a new rare pair ig

Yang Ying chooses to sajiao and ask for a kiss from Ruyi for one of her actions, which forces someone from the opposing team to do it towards their other three team members

I can't decide whether that someone should be Li Tongguang or Qian Zhao because both feel like equally amusing options

Also someone makes Ning Yuanzhou pout cutely during this game

Following a loss during the emoji pictionary game, Ren Ruyi is the only one not to be frightened by the balloon popping while Yang Ying flinches at the sound

Ren Ruyi trades away Yang Ying after this game, much to Li Tongguang's smug satisfaction ("It seems that shifu doesn't want you either")

Ren Ruyi doesn't understand the rules to 3, 2, 1, look here! and splashing Li Tongguang when he won

Yang Ying gets flustered and splashing Ning Yuanzhou when he won instead of protecting Li Tongguang (who also gets splashed) and profusely apologizing to him (不好意思，远舟哥哥!)

"Shouldn't you also be apologizing to your partner?" He laoshi (the host) jokes. "He's far more soaked thanks to Ren Ruyi"

At some point Ren Ruyi and Ning Yuanzhou switch so it's master vs disciple, which of course ends with Ren Ruyi winning

There's an occurrence where Ren Ruyi chooses Li Tongguang to come to her team which has him ecstatic, but she immediately trades him away the following round when she suspects he's been "poisoned" (the others on his team make fun of him for this)

Qian Zhao's stoic face during the group pose game makes everyone laugh

After the final game Ren Ruyi has to choose between Ning Yuanzhou and Yu Shisan to leave her team, with the former giving a very serious appeal before it dissolves into petty accusations between the two of them

Ning Yuanzhou: "Ruyi, I promise it's not me. You know me and that the clue in the last round is definitely about me. So please, trust me once again."

"As if you didn't break your promise to her! Beauty, listen to me, I'm a much better choice than Ning Yuanzhou. Who else is as handsome and reliable as me?" "Ruyi has never chosen you before, so why would she start now?" "You also lied about being poisoned to all of us for several months!" "For the sake of the mission! I didn't want to hurt morale" "Do you really think you can trust the guy like that? I worked hard this entire episode!" "Yu Shisan—"

In the end Ruyi chooses to keep Ning Yuanzhou and send away Yu Shisan ("Beauty! How could you?") and this proves to be the right choice

if someone wants to write a fic based on my hc please ask first

[irrealisms]

liza forever minnelli liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

first thing i have to comment on is the title: liza forever minnelli is in some ways a companion piece to my fic the autopsy garland, in that they're both hunger games dsmp au fics by me, and they're both mountain goats songs which are recommended listening alongside the fics, and the mountain goats songs are themselves pairs; the autopsy garland is about judy garland, liza minnelli is her daughter and the subject of liza forever minnelli

specifically: the autopsy garland is about the sexual abuse of a child star; liza forever minnelli is about growing up in the shadow of a famous parent, not being able to escape the fame and legacy that comes with that, and addiction. these also work really well for the fics imo!

liza forever minnelli also opens with the lines there's the part you've braced yourself against, and then/there's the other part ; in my mind as i was writing, this was very much always referring to the Games and then the post-Games respectively

a recurring theme in this fic is things being Less Bad Than They Could Be. wilbur's childhood is less bad than the childhoods of many in panem; him getting reaped at 15 is less bad than getting reaped at 12; being institutionalized as insane is less bad than being executed or tortured as a traitor; a nonconsensual marriage is less bad than nonconsensual prostitution; agreeing to take meds and eat food is less bad than being tied to a bed and forced; having sex willingly is, again, less bad than being tied to a bed and forced. it being better than the alternative does not mean it is not horrifying.

this fic is heavily inspired by my recent psych ward stay and my thoughts on consent in that context, as well as my history with eating disorder treatment centers, to the point where i think my wilbur characterization suffers in places because i had stuff i needed to process; feel free to draw any inferences you want from that. (other than the details about waking up intubated, which are from short_tandem_repeats.)

relatedly, the "Salonina and Philza have both given consent for it" line is... horrifying, but also, he's sixteen, that's just how medical decisions work for minors; it's intending to draw its horror not from the fact that the capitol is worse but from the fact that it isn't

the fic is also a little bit inspired by some phil parenting discourse. a lot of ink has been spilled about phil assisting wilbur's suicide as a moral event horizon of Horrifying and Unforgivable; i wanted to write a fic that explores the ways preventing a suicide can be horrifying in its own right

relatedly: phil and techno are foils in this fic! on the one hand, phil is complicit w varyingly horrifying things in the name of keeping wilbur alive and [Less Bad Than It Could Be], while techno is consistently a source of strength and resistance-to-the-capitol for wil; on the other hand, techno very much does supply wilbur with materials for a [harm to self or others] plan. it's complicated.

i did feel like i had to include techno as that source of strength and resistance, though; psychotic anarchists my beloved! in my heart, modern au techno has strong opinions about peer respite centers, hearing voices groups, mad pride, etc., and so i couldn't not include him

a detail that didn't end up making it into the fic: wilbur post-games is switched between meds primarily based on whether there are side effects that are visible in public appearances (e.g. TD, weight fluctuations, seizures), rather than his own preferences between medications

there's a lot of catching fire parallels--the rolls being used for secret messages, obviously, but also the "this wasn't a Revolutionary Act, i was just insane" was intending to parallel katniss's "this wasn't a Revolutionary Act, i was just in love". where, of course, both are true and in many ways inextricable.

relatedly: especially after the first round of beta feedback, i was definitely trying to keep in mind and balance "phil, wilbur, etc., are trying to create a story where he was just crazy and not a revolutionary, to keep him alive" and "wilbur is in fact severely mentally ill, he's not solely being pathologized for being a revolutionary"; i'm not sure how well i did on this but it's something i was trying to keep in mind

i'm of two minds of the fact that i didn't include much of wilbur's neuroses about Audience and Narrative; i think it's a very good fit for the setting, but precisely because it's such a good fit for the setting i feel like i already covered a lot of that ground in the autopsy garland. still, it's another thing i was definitely considering and thinking about!

this is my first time doing liner notes for my fic since 2017 but i want to get back in the habit of putting this sort of thing on tumblr and not just on discord, i think it's cool to see writers' thought processes; let me know if you want to see more of these!

[yukikorogashi]

(shhh this is anon) BECKYYYYY TwT prances on in here with some tea and cookies for the sweetest bestie and the gal who deserves the world! ;3; I know I tell you this so much, but I will never tire of it, so I'm here again to remind you that you're hands-down one of the nicest, most talented, most INSPIRATIONAL people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting ;u; You never cease to amaze me with your exceptional skills in graphic design, art, writing... legit, basically ANYTHING you put your hands in, your efforts and the results are so phenomenal, and I will never not admire how you maintain modesty and continue to be SUCH a friendly sunflower of a person all the while! <3 You should be so proud of how far you've come and how hard you work always, Becky! But please remember to be kind to yourself and take those breaks that you desperately need, okay? <3 <3 Sending you all the love, always!

ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY, JUST PUBLISH.

POINTS @ YOU... 🥺❤️ IT'S THE BESTIE... IT'S BEST GORL SAMMY... THE BESTEST BESTIE BOO TO EVER BEST-- aaeuhaauwhae yeah I'm starting not to make anymore sense so just... rests my head against you like I always do now while I enjoy these lovely tea and cookies that you have also come to spoil me with!!! 😭❤️💕

But Lord help me because I keep switching between thanking you for once more spoiling me with all this support, kindness and love-- and apologising to you for the fact that I'm likely just going to repeat myself by loving you back awuehauwe! After all, it's just a never ending cycle of love between us, huh? With us both always being so ready to scream at one another like AAAAAAAAA ❤️💕❤️!!! No matter what the reason might be, no matter how we are feeling about something else... I just love that we both will always ALWAYS get to express how much we love each other, no matter auehawuhe. OTL ... S-So yeah, I will inevitably love on you again, the next time we get to chat, so I will TRY to keep this response short-- even though that just feels like a crime to me because GDI this amazing girl here needs to be told each and every time just how wonderful and loved she herself is! 🥺 ❤️💕

BUT ANYWAY--

I don't know what I did to deserve a bestie as amazing as you. To know someone as incredible as you. and for her to think this highly of me like AAAAAAA??? I still sometimes can't help but look back over my shoulder, to check and see if there's someone behind me. WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IN THIS CASE BUT Y'KNOW AWUehwauH!!! Honestly, you-- without fail-- will always inspire and leave me in awe-- just from your existence alone.

You are not just a crazy talented writer and artist (As I mentioned many times before you, you are in my top 3 favourite writers, and if Danganronpa is real, you would totally be enrolled as one of the Ultimate Writers for the academy AEHAW!!! And gaaaah your art, your art will forever be one of the cutest, prettiest things- and honestly I cannot get enough of see your drawings too!!! So I count my blessings when I actually get the chance to see any of it!)... but also one of the strongest human beings I know. You always put others before yourself, and it blows me away just how much you do for others... including me. ;;

I can't thank you enough, for all that you do, truly. You have done, so, so much for me, when honestly-- I also just kinda... wanna gently sit you down and make sure you get a much needed rest and break auehawuhe (EVEN THOUGH I know you will be like "I'm fine! uwu" Like-- SHHHHH AWEHAWH!!!) !!! To see you happy, to see you excited, always makes my day. And I can't tell you how much joy it brings me just to see that from you. To just see you. 💕 To just see a joyous hello from you, and better yet-- share absolutely anything with me. Be it about anything RP related, or just what's going on in your own life!

I'm sending you so, so much love back your way, m'darling. Always and forever, okay? Me pretty much flinging every bit of love I can at you, even before some are able to fully form into ripe apple hearts AUEHAUWHE!!!

@falsiliar ❤️💕

[pinestripe37]

1, 5, 6, 7, 12, 14, 21, 23, 26, 27, and 36! (this is a TON of questions so don’t feel pressured to answer all of them XD you can pick & choose if you’d like!)

Yayy I am so excited!!

Do you have freckles?

Teeny tiny bit, not really noticeable I don't think.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Yes! I have my favorite Lucy in bed next to me lately and it's nice because she's my special soft kitty from when I was a toddler :)

I am ALSO GETTING A STUFFED MISTPAW FOR MY BIRTHDAY! :D

Do you prefer drawing or writing?

I actually don't know! :0 Because I really really enjoy both! And I'm certainly so blessed to be able to express my feelings through both! I'd say it varies based on the time. Which is also nice because I can just switch back and forth between both whenever I don't have inspiration for one. It's so wonderful that God gives us multiple gifts, and lets us serve Him in such different ways! :'D I've been writing a quite a bit lately but I have been starting to think of some art ideas so perhaps I'll be drawing shortly!

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

Two! One to cover myself with and one next to me in case I get cold. DEFINITELY NOT ZERO ZERO IS THE LEAST IDEAL NUMBER- I have so much trouble sleeping when it's hot because it feels weird to not cover myself with a blanket.

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

~ you of coursee <33 I love you friend :')

~ My irl friend who has been so wonderful to me, it's still hard to believe that I'm appreciated, y'know?

~ ahfhijkjh allll my friends really, aaahh I love my friendss :')

~ a person I've been wanting to be friends with for many years and still pray for and will forever pray for. I have faith that if it's in God's Plan someday we will meet again and someday we will be friends and someday we will hug.

~Jesus, definitely, my Lord and Shepherd and Savior and First Love. Being with Him forever in His Presence is the best and safest Place always and He's the One who Saved me and died for me and loves me most. <3

What’s your favorite color?

Mint green and/or teal! :D But really I actually find all colors beautiful, all the colors God painted His creation in are beautiful!

How was your day today?

Pretty good. :) Pretty tiring and I'm probably gonna nap soon lol. Tiring but also blessed and peaceful day, so I'm grateful for that! :')

Do you believe in aliens?

I just stick with the answer of... Only God really knows so knowing that only He knows is enough for me. Leaning not on my own understanding is the way to go with anything I don't know for sure.

What are some seemingly childish things you like?

A bunchh! :D Stuffed animals, playing with toys, a bunch of shows including Peep and the Big Wide World and Odd Squad, picture books (my mom and I both), I feel like probably a bunch of other stuff.

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

My favorite favorite Book is forever the Bible. I mean, it's God's Word and I can talk to Him and hear from Him, and He's blessed me with such amazing incredible moments in Scripture with the Guidance of the Holy Spirit, and taught me so much, and I can literally read it forever and still be amazed with a new insight from the Holy Spirit each time even after reading a passage over and over because the Word is Living and God continues to teach us through it. Such a wonderful blessing indeed!! :'D

My favorite fiction book would be.. maybe Little Women, or The Vanderbeekers of of 141st street (by Karina Yan Glaser) it's suchh a sweet series :') Ooh, and the Wingfeather Saga! Still gotta finish reading but I'm enjoying those books so much!

Do you like your middle name?

Yes! I've actually had a very interesting and lovely conversation with my friend about name meanings, recently-ish, and we figured out interpretations of my middle + first name meanings that fit my life and come from a Christian perspective, so that was fun! :D

Eeeee thank you for sending an ask, my dear friend!! :D <3

[livingfictionsystem]

BOOK REVIEW: 3/5

The story pivots between the three main characters--- Jin, who tries to rescue her sister who was sold off to the Walled City. Mei Yee, who is the sister who dreams of escaping the brothel. And Dai, who has his own agenda, playing with fire on a deadline.

I see a lot of people in the reviews call this 'adrenaline-packed', but I found nothing that happened really all that shocking. Granted, I do read a lot of, 'Homeless kids have to turn to a life of crime to survive and protect each other' fiction, so that may be on me. The Walled City was actually a real place in Hong Kong (Kowloon City), something I found out in the Acknowledgements in the back of the book. This lawless and densely populated area was torn down in 1987, which, given the book's chronological ambiguity, helped me gain context that the narration didn't. The inspiration had a lot of promise that the author fell short of. The characters were fine, but forgettable. Their POV and struggle for survival was interesting, but none of them really stood out as far as personality went. They seemed to simply Be their circumstances, a vessel for the story to continue. We have Good At Running, Has a Secret, and Traumatised. If you can't tell by the names, the book has a vaguely Chinese feel. And I do mean vaguely. It's primarily the names and the fact that pork buns and noodles are referenced so often. (One character even describes emotions as overcooked noodles?) It doesn't really have a lot of specific culture that I could catch. It could easily take place in just about any other country that also has drug problems, human trafficking, crime lords, homeless children, etc. It's also confusing because the characters were not speaking English, the dialogue is just translated for the reader's benefit. But they even had one character with an accent, saying, 'Let's get 'im!' Are we translating a version of English dialect to Cantonese? Is this a cockney version? Is he really skipping over the H's or is this an equivalent? This happens again when it's mentioned that 'Dai' rhymes with 'death', something one of the characters notes from their POV. How do you know that??? These characters do not understand English; there's even a scene where foreigners are in the same room and the character notes that she cannot understand it. So, it definitely has some identity issues. (The hilarious irony is that I, through hilarious coincidence, started reading this about the same time I read Kuang's 'Yellowface', about a white woman writing about Chinese culture so I tried not to linger too much on this. The author did actually live near the inspiration of this for at least a few months, so fair enough.) It's definitely gritty, and I do like that the author took it upon herself to tackle an issue like human trafficking, with even some nuanced nods towards PTSD. But in my opinion, there's more intensity in the setting than in the plot, and especially in the characters, but it wasn't a bad read. The prose and atmosphere make for good reading and the bond between the three does end up wholesome and rather sweet, but that also made for some odd tonal switches. So, yeah, it was a fine book. Not a good one, not a bad one, just fine.

TW for: Intense animal abuse, human trafficking, drug addiction, homelessness.

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT:

. . . . . . . . .

Okay, so at the end, when everyone's scrambling for the ledger, it felt like a damn cartoon. You know how in Scooby Doo, you see the endless opening and closing of doors where the characters are both chasing and being chased by something? And the combination is changed up every time? That was this ending. I thought the Benny Hill theme was about to start playing. It also bothered me that apparently Dai and Jin both waited about two years to really put their plans to fruition. The book tried to draw out the suspense for making everything down to the wire, but it almost makes it funny when you sit there and think of Dai twiddling his thumbs or Jin being on the streets and having nothing to show for it. 

-Xanthe

[writingwithcolor]

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

[infriga]

I think you've answered questions like this before, but oh well; I'm asking anyway. What program(s) do you use when creating your art, and if/when you do traditional art, what do you prefer? Also, beyond the creators of various manga and cartoons, who are the artists inspiring you? I quite enjoy both your art and writing whenever I come across it, and I hope you enjoy it, too.

I tend to use Photoshop or Clip studio paint. Clip studio paint is cheap but has most of the functionality that Photoshop has, and has a lot of great brush options. With Photoshop it was the first digital art program I ever learned to use, and nowadays I like to use it because 1) I know it so well that it increases my workflow dramatically when I use it, and 2) there are a few features that it has which other art studios don't yet, mainly because they're more used for photo editing, but I find they can be quite useful for art as well depending on how you use them. Also it allows Filter Forge to be used as a plugin, and Filter Forge is my life blood lol. FF can be used as a standalone program, but the plugin version makes it way easier to use and way less of a pain in the ass since I don't have to switch between programs.

But in general unless you aren't worried about cost I recommend either sticking with CSP, or pirating Photoshop because even with a student or photography plan it's a bit of a money drain, and pirated copies aren't hard to get.

With traditional art, I usually stick to pencil and paper. I've tried all sorts of mediums and tools, but in the end I always come back to sketches. Maybe it's because I have shakey hands lol, but if I ever want to line and colour a sketch I just scan it and do it digitally. Aside from pencil I think my favourite traditional art to do was probably using copic markers. They're expensive though lol.

Hmm... As far as artists that inspire me outside of manga and cartoons, I don't know if it counts since it's from a game, but I absolutely love all the art in the Dishonored series.

Examples of some of my favourites by Piotr Jabłoński:

I love how atmospheric they are, and how they put across such a distinct feeling of awe and dread. I also like how he utilizes detail and lighting and texture to draw your attention to certain parts of the pictures and make stuff stand out.

And here are some of my favourites by Veronique Meignaud:

The use of colours is absolutely stunning, and it fits so well with the otherworldly feeling of Delilah and her magic. They also this manic energy to them that I love.

Some favourites by Sergey Kolesov:

His character portraits are great too. He's good at utilizing both atmosphere and colour depending on the setting and context, and he manages to capture really intense feelings regardless of how detailed or abstract he goes. He has a great range.

And last but not least there's Cedric Peyravernay:

He manages to pack so much character into his character designs and portraits, even just for random NPCs. He's also not afraid to draw ugly things and ugly people, which I mean in a good way. His art very much centers around capturing what makes his character designs feel distinct and full of personality, and it helps the games art style age really well.

This turned into me fanning over the Dishonored art but that was the first thing that came to mind when trying to think of art that inspires me. There are also plenty of people on tumblr and other sites whose art inspires me, but if I listed them all we'd be here all day lol.

Thanks so much for the ask! I'm really glad you like my stuff! 🥰🥰🥰

[katyspersonal]

6 for Micolash, Gehrman, or both (depending on your preference + if this got asked already lmaooooo)

(Ask from this ( x ) meme)

6) Psychological headcanons (tastes, fears, talents, regrets, how they deal with anger, just anything that comes to mind on the topic)

Oh all right... xD I did not expect to get to talk about these characters, but naturally I’ll choose both of them since there are only so many times I get concrete questions!

(For Micolash)

Whereas having plenty of charisma and sly, fascinating appear, he is not actually as ‘chill’ and composed as one could think! He is as much in struggle with anger issues as he is able to mesmerise with his lull-like tone. That is normally. Wearing his cage reduces it significantly, the effect of it on his behaviour is similar to sedating medicine or strong calming herbs.

So, normally, Micolash is quite splitting between roughly ‘a sentimental, sensitive, gentle, dignified intellectual willing to give and receive nurturing (especially in terms of education)’ and ‘a callous, vain, unceremonious, snappy, demanding crazy scientist that only wishes full devotion and worship’. It is however not as easy as to draw clear ‘two states’! His moods (and wishes) shift somewhat chaotically, sometimes hitting severe childlike neediness or complete apathy, too.

No, seriously, he can be hard to understand. Now he is almost yelling at the patient for being ‘pathetic’ and ‘useless’ and (righteously!) scared and tells them they should try to be like Adeline, next day he will hold this same patient’s hand and sob to them about how much he wishes to soothe their emotional suffering if they let him. Or he will mock and tease a close friend about something important for them, and later act bitter if they appear distrustful. Or he will cherish a tiny bug, and then switch heads of a dog and a crow between each other.

He is very good at playing piano. Yes, this one is simply inspired by a deranged piano in his theme, love it a lot. Naturally he is a huge bookworm. He ended up knowing a lot about everything as well - nature, history, literature, all that. Needless to say knowledge about ‘normal’ world soon turned to be useless in his eyes, however he sometimes still ruminates about it fondly.

He has permanent ‘lagging’ in terms of habitual skills - constantly forgets how to tie shoelaces, switches up between cursive and print font chaotically while writing, will not eat or drink until someone reminds him (or rather finds him passing out from starvation), sometimes will catch himself puzzled before staircase or a doorknob trying to remember how to use these... In fact, Nightmare of Mensis nature is a big relief for him, as ‘magic’ practically carries him everywhere (and even lets him run with untied shoelaces and not fall!). In the waking world? Yeah he is often helpless in tiniest things. However even in the Nightmare he’d need help in removing his Mensis Cage if he was to want to remove it because... yeah he forgets how to do it. :’)

Upon meeting new people, Micolash tends to close the distance very soon, sharing too much and developing strong attachment too soon. That lead him to making very intimate friendships fast, however not many are comfortable staying once he shows his “ugly” side too, so ironically he combines that with trust issues and clinginess. Over years in Byrgenwerth as he matured from young student guy into late adult and moreso man of medicine, this had progressed into becoming a huge control freak and manipulator - that was extremely useful when he started School of Mensis, however, so no pain without gain I guess?

He really loves it though when he finds someone who talks a lot; as much as he enjoys lecturing (and simply listening to his own voice xD), he likes to relax just once. He might not say much but he is actually paying attention to everything, even if person is ranting about some nonsense that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

Back in Choir he was almost never wearing Blindfold Cap. All in all presence in the Choir was not pleasant for him - starting from lacking direct eye contact that he needs, personally, ending with the very concept of entrusting one’s mind and will to the ‘stars’ instead of aspiring for becoming one able to find this way. That’s his philosophy. That is also what he believed he was guiding his followers to, failing to realise he ironically himself became a very oppressive leader.

He developed the habit of becoming very distraught and anxious if he is not seeing nightmares for a few nights, fearing it is a sign of something divine ‘abandoning’ him. He believes objective reality could never be peaceful and beautiful and it is always ‘sweet lie’ no matter if a human or a God gives it, finding comfort in horrors and uglyness as result.

For as long as he himself remembers, Micolash is woefully bad at appreciating what he is given until too late, as he overlooked Rom’s unconditional love and respect before she moved onto listening to others (mostly Great Ones), or Damian’s devotion and fatherly patience before Damian started to fear him, not just for him- Heck, he wonders if he disregarded potentially good friendship from Archibald and Izzy too, sometimes. Watch him nevermind Wet Nurse who is by his side and only have his eyes on Kos now, lol!

If he wishes for someone to get beaten, he usually always has someone he can command do that instead, as he watches and gloats, maybe giving ‘advices’ sometimes. However if he is to raise his own hand at someone - he believes they should consider it a very big honour.

As little opinion as he has on the Choir, or people who remained Byrgenwerth students after Healing Church broke away from Willem, sometimes Micolash is stuck feeling sad and cold and yearning that back then they’d been more accepting of him. Deep down he is very lonely and still wishes for genuine love even if he had cast away every chance in the name of knowledge and transcendence.

Speaking of love, he is very bookish and nerdy and it is nearly impossible to flirt with him as he redirects everything to the smart facts and ‘bigger’ things! One might think he doesn’t have an inch of sexuality in him! ...Except for the fullmoons. This is when he becomes extremely sensual.

He tends to feel move vulnerable with women specifically though. This stems from the fact that he doesn’t do mocking laugher before ‘Oh, majestic~’ if you play as female Hunter! In fact, being a woman and angrily yelling at him is the most guaranteed way to wipe the ever-present smug smile from his face, he will feel uneasiness and pit in his stomach that he can’t explain. He just really doesn’t want women to be mean with him, he is in fact desperate for a motherly or mom-girlfriend attitude (with Kos as a peak of this dreaming), though he will try to keep his Big Guy Who’s In Control facade at his best ability.

(For Gehrman)

Gehrman is a strange mix of callous and gentle as well, but unlike Micolash, Gehrman doesn’t suffer from his feelings shifting chaotically! Instead, his curse is that he cannot express his tender side (or even realise it before too late). In younger (?) years, if he was to like someone - he could outright cherish a napkin they dropped like a relic, write a diary page all over with their name, craft them the best gift ever (that he would never actually give) but once that person actually talks to him - the dumbest, the most insensitive shit would leave his mouth! You never know if he is a jerk or just an idiot! He is only in touch with his caring and loving side when he is all alone, which... defeats the purpose.

However, unlike with Micolash that cherishes every single living being (until he doesn’t), Gehrman is consistent in his attitudes. He cherishes only and only and ONLY human life, disregards any of whatever monster/beast/mutant/Kin/God/whatever. This is the dark side of him; though there is something respectable about how much he’s devoted to defending the humanity, but it was number one cause of conflicts between him and Old Hunters that regretted Fishing Hamlet massacre or started to doubt purpose of the hunt.

Nuff said, he is top notch craftsman, with weapons or inventions or clothes. And he is never tired of having to detalize everything - in fact, the more details the better, as he loves to get lost in physical work! In modern era he of course would disdain mass production of whatever... and have a right for it, because he hardworking enough to replace a wholeass assembly line! xD Screw sewing machines as well, he will sew everything with his own hands! Wonder how he is able to accept printed books instead of writing every single one with a pen? xD /j But yes he likes to create things. I like to think that ridiculously elaborate embroidery of Willem’s clothes is his work. And Willem tried to stop him to the more minimal design, but Gehrman was too absorbed to listen.

Although being stuck in the Hunter’s Dream had weakened him mentally, overall Gehrman is an extremely tough guy. To a fault, actually - he bottles up a lot, doesn’t admit his fears and and doesn’t let even close friends to see him cry. Something akin toxic masculinity. He just gotta be a killing machine and a reliable worker rather than a human being, he gotta, you don’t understand! The good part of it is that he is very composed and level-headed when he is angry, he could never snap.

He hasn’t really learned a thing from ‘How to pick up fair maidens’. Think of every possible gag along the lines of ‘person writes a reminder on their palm and reads it all wrong’ or ‘person memorizes a cheesy flirting line but when they say it - the mix up words making it sound like something dumb or awful instead’. Unreal contrast to Micolash’s charisma, huh? Gee I have a blast still comparing these two.

His biggest regret in life is that he failed to be a reliable emotional help for Maria when she needed it during her crisis. He could never forgive himself for it, however he represses these feelings deeply. His second biggest regret in life is eventually animating the Doll through a ritual in the Dream, because loneliness started to drive him insane and he needed an assistant! At first he was feeling very disgusted with himself, to the point of sickness, as if he tainted his most precious memory for a selfish reason. But well, it was for the sake of the hunt too - he was mentally falling apart and sooner or later would have allowed some hunter to kill him to be free! Someone to take turns so not every hunter is on him would be helpful. He still doesn’t know Maria’s soul was summoned within Doll since she remembers exactly nothing, however he feels a bit guilty he failed to explain her how to be more humanlike because... well, he himself doesn’t really know that! He is a little scared of her, too, to the point of not being able to fix the manufacturing errors he made with her face since his hands were shaking too much that time. It just feels too much like touching face of Maria herself, and that is NOT allowed in his eyes, and never will be.

As a jaded Old Man (TM), naturally he has many stories from his life to share! In fact, ones before the whole mess with the dungeons and the hunt and the ascensions are almost equally as interesting! He tends to focus on particularly morbid and violent ones though, lol he doesn’t go to many parties xd

He is in fact waaaaaaaaay more ‘educated’ than expected, and he used to be just as curious as an average high-ranking Byrgenwerth staff! He used to be a teacher there, in fact. After all he did have interest in ascension too when he went at Fishing Hamlet. He also did invent at least two kinds of meteorite-cut weapons with unique properties, he discovered how to use crystallised old blood to enhance weapons, heck, trick weapons themselves as concept are his! He always finds the coolest ways to utilise the most useless materials. Basically he has every kind of talent as a pay-off for little social skills ahaha.

He’s been quite reckless from childhood, and had great instincts. His first ever kill count happened when a rabid dog charged towards him and his first reaction was to grab a sharp metal road and ready to fight it, instead of running. Bullies trying to mess with him as a ‘quiet weird kid’ would end up leaving him alone and declaring he was “crazy” - he never showed signs of fear, as if he was actually ready to die any moment? But maybe he was! Secretly, Gehrman found some dark joy in it when the hunts became a regular thing; the side of him that had him question whether he’s been a ‘callous monster’ all his life finally was useful!

Speaking of which, despite tender feelings that Gehrman possesses, he has less than average morality and through his life only adopts bits and pieces of it based on reaction of others - if it is strong enough. Like how he never felt in the wrong about Fishing Hamlet until something ‘moved’ in him seeing how much Maria, whose opinion mattered for him, was horrified and broken about it. Lives of innocent fish people? pfffffft! Disappointing a person he was trying to impress, however? Oh god oh fuck. ‘Protecting humanity from inhuman things’ is the one consistent principle he can hold onto as it is simple and direct, but finding evil within humanity is... complicated.

[friendshouserecords]

Do It Quick And Make Me Pretty: A Song-by-Song Analysis of Willy Rodriguez’s Silly Love Songs for Unfortunate Breakups

Talking with the jangle-pop two-piece Willy Rodriguez after finishing my first full listen to their newest album yielded a conversation very similar to the work itself: eclectic, ever-changing but constantly exciting and captivating. The two members, Willy Rodriguez himself (lyrics, main vocals, guitar) and Star Starer (production, keyboards, background vocals, bass, drums, and a lot more), met in a more unconventional way than most. “Star used to have an old YouTube channel, and we met through there, and I saw his music because he always talked about it and would stream it on servers, and I thought he was really talented,” Willy recalls. “He still is really talented, and that’s why I really wanted to work with him. I am very grateful, because without him, I don’t think I’d be anywhere.” The pair originally worked collaboratively, but chose to keep their works separate. “I wanted to credit Star, because he does most of the work, and I want people to know that,” Willy said of the separate listings. “So that’s why I mainly credited him for the longest time.” Star, however, asked Willy to remove his name from future songs as a separate credit, instead combining his work with Willy’s to create the band as it is today. “I wanted it to be seen as a band instead,” says Star. 

Working completely virtually, the band relies on voice calls to create their music together in live time. “What usually happened was, [Star] would make an instrumental, and while he was making an instrumental, I’d write along with the song, which is not a good way to write,” Willy says. “So what we do now is we both sit in a call, and he makes the instrumental, and we both listen to it, and we try to map out what we sort of want in a song, so we want to go through a normal pop structure, or we want it to be more complex. And after that, I sort of go off and write my own lyrics and record it.”

The duo credit The Smiths, above all other influences, for the majority of their inspiration in instrumental work. “I literally don’t listen to anything else but The Smiths,” claims Star. “We’ve been compared to Weatherday and The Smiths, so I think that’s the best descriptor of us.” 

The art, like the music, is a collaborative effort between the two artists. Willy draws the multifarious characters, while Star chooses color palettes and brings vibrance to them. They each have their own influences as well: Willy credits the fashion in the movie Trainspotting for the outfits of his characters, which Star draws inspiration from Japanese artists of the 70s and  80s. As I was (very passionately) informed by Willy, the fox-like characters have absolutely no relation to those of indie rock band Car Seat Headrest, despite the similarity. “I made the drawing when I was twelve,” Willy stresses. “I didn’t even know what Car Seat Headrest was.” The band emphasized the necessity of spontaneity within their work: “I think that the sort of art of it comes out better when you don’t think about it too much and you just write it down,” Willy states. This spur-of-the-moment technique for planning could possibly be credited for the wide variety of themes, styles, and genres found within the album - no single song could be described in quite the same way. 

Power Walker 

Throughout the process of listening to this album thoroughly, I can guarantee this is the song I have listened to the most, making it the perfect, addictive starter track. It begins with an infectiously catchy guitar line in a similar vein to the work of Her’s, before being joined by punchy, energetic drums to give the track a more punkish feel. Willy switches between singing and shouting the lyrics, which describe a double-entendre situation where the subject could be seen as experiencing a live cremation, or just trapped sitting inside during a typical Midwestern summer. “Power Walker, despite its name, isn’t about powerwalking, we just liked the name,” Willy says. “It was mainly about cremation, but I wanted it to be sort of metaphorical, so I tried to make it open to interpretation if the main person in the song is trapped inside their house on a summer day having a boring time, or someone accidentally being cremated.” 

Doll House 

Though this track has a similar feel to the previous, it begins to explore what will soon become a common theme throughout the album - that of the identity dilemma and the incessant feeling of a need to define oneself. It’s not uncommon to hear identity talked about in music, but Willy manages to write about these issues with an impressive sense of universality and worldliness, writing, “What shape will I be next / What dress will I be put in tonight?” While the beginning of the song is in a punchy 4/4, it makes a switch to a slower waltz tempo, layering in many different melody lines and voices. Reminiscent of a rock opera, the song slowly crescendoes before reverting back to the original tempo and rhythm, this time continuing the established melody lines intermingling with one another. These rich, chamber-pop-like vocal harmonies also make a return multiple times throughout the album, becoming an impressive hallmark of the band’s sound. 

Drug Bug 

In an abrupt, yet pleasant stylistic change from Doll House, Drug Bug begins with an 80s-esque drum machine, with the appropriate synth sound following suit. The track’s instrumental as a whole, but especially within the intro, could have easily belonged to any song by XTC or Duran Duran, complete with plenty of cowbell. (This new-wave nuance is something the band openly emphasizes - within the credits of the album, a special thanks is given to Wham!). With this track, Willy and Star continue the trend of complex and layered harmonies, this time with a singular melody line backed up by many lines of background vocals. 

Valentine Homicide 

Valentine Homicide has a more unadulterated sound than that of the preceding tracks, with a limited amount of background vocals to emphasize focus on the comprehensive melody line. With a twinkly, acoustic guitar-heavy sound, the song is strongly reminiscent of Elliott Smith, whom the band credits as one of their inspirations. The track also clocks in at just over a minute, making it the shortest song on the album thus far, more of a prelude or intermission. The lyrics highlight another large facet of the album: its emphasis on lost love and defective relationships. Willy sings in mourning of past relationships, written here as “valentines,” and how “the papercuts they give / aren’t worth the tribulations.” The song is both a blend of and a juxtaposition between the subjects of love and violence, mixing imagery of blood and slashing with that of red-pink glitter. Its melancholy sound exerts a mix of anger and acceptance, ending simply with the lyrics, “when is said and all has done / you’ll never hear this shitty song.” 

Love Liquor 

When comparing the music to the vocals and lyrics in this track, Love Liquor can most accurately be described as an enigma of the best kind. The song maintains a strongly uptempo waltz, akin to that of any number of 40s jazz standards. The lyrics, however, keeping in theme with previous track Valentine Homicide, evoke strong themes of a toxic and crippled relationship. In this instance, Willy sings about mental issues getting in the way of what should be a happy connection, saying that “it’s all in the way / whenever I hug you.” This track contains some of the most passionately sung lines in the album, although the entirety of this project is incredibly ardent and personal. (It also contains some…alternate meanings to the title and lyrics, if you’re brave enough to let your mind go there.)

La Romanza

In another surprising, yet refreshing stylistic twist, La Romanza begins with a keyboard-led bossa nova beat, before being joined by vocals: first in English, sung by Star, then in unison Spanish - mispronounced intentionally, the duo proclaims. “We originally wrote the song with the correct translation, but we wanted it to flow better, so we made it sound like complete gibberish in Spanish in order to make it sound better,” says Willy. This approach, as Willy states, works in the song’s favor - it completes the gaudy, classic sound of Latin romance standards. As the track progresses, however, the sound transitions into the more usual jangle-pop sound of the group. The lyrics reflect this, beginning as a simple profession of love before slowly moving into anger and hatred, with the subject venting their frustration over their lover’s supposed disinterest and ignorance. 

Yr Biggest Fan 

Similar to Power Walker, Yr Biggest Fan begins with a barebones, earworm-y guitar line, before being joined by powerful, pop-punkish drums. Coming out of a slew of tracks on romance, it focuses more on the previously mentioned topic of identity issues - specifically how devoted fans of influential cultural figureheads tend to obsess over emulating their exact identity, often to a point of complete delusion or harm (“the words you say won’t fit my mouth / so I’ll cut it wide and try to shout”). According to Willy, “I think with a lot of people who are very obsessed with musicians or just celebrities in general, I think they sort of want to be them, and they make their personality into that person. I think they sort of want to replace them, and that’s sort of what the lyrics meant.” The song crescendoes into screaming vocals and louder, faster drums, before culminating in a surprisingly soft, harmony-rich close, once again showing off the duo’s impressive, complex vocal arrangements.

Skateboard Cretins

If there were a single song on this album which best represented the noise-pop sound Willy Rodriguez is known for, it would be this one. Though slightly slower than some of the more punk-influenced songs, the track still contains the band’s trademark guitar tone and accompanying splashy drums. Lyrically, the track focuses on the storied teenage archetype of aimlessly drifting skater kids who spend lackluster days indulging in drugs and sex (hence the title, Skateboard Cretins). This commonality of teen boredom, especially in suburbia, was a large motivator for Willy within the writing of the album as a whole. “I sort of had this idea for another album while writing songs for this one, of different experiences in the Midwest area, because there’s not a lot to do in the Midwest,” says Willy. “So I think I wrote from that.” Another apparent theme within the song is that of neglectful parent figures, with the lyrics stating, “I know you think it’s no surprise / but your baby boy wants to die.”

Loverboy Rag 

This simple, roughly-thirty-second interlude is actually the single collaboration with other artists on the album: carter c, indie pop artist and owner of Willy Rodriguez’s record label, friend’s house, and Gustavo Nome, frontman of friend’s house band Monkey and the Permavirgins. The track, unlike every other on the album, is a simple profession of love, unburdened by any other influences, and contains classic romantic harmonies and guitar strums to match. The song was a successful shot on Star’s part to experiment with a new sound: “Star really wanted to make a barbershop quartet for the longest time, ever since the first album, but we didn’t do it, but since we had different people on friend’s house, we asked Carter and Gustavo to feature on the song with us for a barbershop quartet,” says Willy. 

Breezeblock Trainstop 

Calling back to the softer influences of Valentine Homicide, Breezeblock Trainstop begins with a simple acoustic guitar before quickly transitioning into an explosive chorus. If one were to interpret Silly Love Songs for Unfortunate Breakups as a story, Breezeblock would be the conclusion - a close on the mishaps and problems of the central character, and the only song written partially from an outside perspective. As the song states, “It’s about a pretty boy / who never knew his name / he hid inside his room / and clipped off his angel wings.” The identity issues which have continued to show themselves throughout the album are once again highlighted here, as well as the themes of troubled, meaningless relationships (“you kiss him on the mouth / but it didn’t mean a thing”). 

A favorite of many fans, the song is also a sonic triumph in the band’s opinion. “I think it’s really cool when we play around with different genres, and that’s kind of what Breezeblock Trainstop was,” says Willy. The track ends the album on a more melancholy note, with the subject claiming to have given up. Ending the song with an abrupt cutoff - as opposed to other songs fading out or having a definite conclusion - could allude to the “story” not quite being over for the subject yet, despite their claims. 

To cover every topic and genre covered within Willy Rodriguez’s Silly Love Songs for Unfortunate Breakups, a lot more writing than this would be necessary. The best way to truly become familiar, though, is to listen to the album for yourself - it’ll be a different experience for everyone, with varying degrees and aspects of relatability and emotions. The intimacy of the lyrics on every track help to create a special connection with each listener, making Willy Rodriguez a very personal project not only for the creators, but for the fanbase as well. As I continued to listen and relisten to this album, I found myself returning to songs over and over again, eventually putting on the full album while running errands and working. I can confidently say that not a single track on this album is unenjoyable, and a great majority of them very easily become earworms after just one listen. After releasing a full album, though, the two-piece isn’t resting yet - a city-pop inspired album is alleged to be in the works, as well as potential upcoming shows with other members of the friend’s house record label. No matter what Willy Rodriguez decides to create next, their extensive reach over genres and fans will ensure them success in any endeavor. 

(Star was at a PetSmart while this interview was being conducted.

 Per the artist’s stylistic choice, both carter c and friend’s house records are not meant to be capitalized.)

Stella Garner, also known by pen name stella marie, is a 17-year-old writer and poet from Las Vegas, Nevada. Her articles and work focus on music and media analysis, editorials, news, and more. She also has an extensive range of poetry and collages featured on her Instragram, @dostoevskyfanclub. Find more information at stellamariewrites.carrd.co.

[ptergwen]

only you and me

w/c: 6.7k

warnings: angst, mentions of weed, and some swearing

summary: whenever peter tries to tell you how he feels, harry gets in the way

a/n: ahhhh hi my loves! my mini writing break is over :,) life has been just a mess for me and i’ve been way more critical than usual about my work but i’m doing a little better and ready to get back into everything! this helped me a lot so i’m excited to share it with y’all <3 it’s also my first time writing harry osborn so lmk how i did lmaooofwfjj but yeah pls enjoy

-

“dude, she’s right there! just tell her!” ned whisper yells to peter, elbowing him for emphasis. they’re hidden behind a wall to watch you at your locker. you’re grabbing books while betty rants to you and mj rolls her eyes. “not now. she looks... busy,” peter gulps, gaze trailing down your body. he always finds excuses to put off telling you how he feels.

or rather, excuses find him. something comes up every time he gets the courage to do it. he has no idea why he’s so scared because he’s pretty sure you like him back. pretty sure. there are a few reasons why you might not. also, plenty why you might. you stay up late texting most nights, and you’ve even flirted a couple of times. it never fails to make peter blush. he trips over his words whenever he tries to flirt back.

he’s had feelings for you since the first time you two hung out alone. none of your other friends could make it, but you happily took him up on his offer to come over. you grinned through his whole apartment tour, asked about may and what she does. when peter showed you his room, you even complimented his movie posters, much to his surprise.

“really? you don’t think they’re, like, dorky?”

“no, peter. your interests aren’t dorky. everyone likes what they like.”

and, he liked you. he knew it from that point on. you’d know it too if the universe wouldn’t keep stopping him from saying that.

“she’s so...” peter pauses for a second. him and ned watch you pull betty in by her shoulders as if you’re going to kiss her. she dodges you, mj pushing her back, all three of you giggling about it before you grab betty’s hands and give her words of encouragement. “cool,” peter finishes, turning back to ned. “i mean, how she puts herself out there like that.”

“what’s stopping you from doing the same thing?” ned points out with a knowing smile that peter returns. you make it look so easy. whenever you’re comfortable around people, you can let go of any doubts you have. you stop worrying about what they might think and instead do what you want. it’s inspiring to peter, and heart warming getting to be one of the people you’re fully you with.

he wishes he could apply your wisdom himself.

peter shakes his head, staring down at the floor. “oh, you know. anxiety, fear of rejection. that fun stuff.” “so, yourself,” ned concludes, clapping peter’s backpack so hard it makes him stumble forward. betty and mj wave goodbye to you before heading to their first class. you’re still getting your things together at your locker. this is peter’s moment.

“come on, dude! y/n’s not busy anymore. you got this.” ned keeps his hand on peter’s back, adding on, “it’s been a year already.” “half a year,” peter corrects him in a mumble. he’s liked you for a really long time. “ok, i’m going. wish me luck.” he takes a deep breath and focuses in on you. “aw, dude. you don’t need it.” ned gives him one last pat on the back. “good luck, though.” “thanks, man. see you in trig.”

right as peter starts heading over, harry comes up behind you and covers your eyes. you squeal, jumping up and turning to him, laughing as you playfully hit at his chest. he brings you into a hug where your face is buried in his sweater and probably inhaling his super strong, super expensive cologne.

that’s what’s stopping peter, harry freaking osborn. his own friend.

peter quickly loses the tiny bit of confidence ned gave him. he figures it might be better to hold off on his confession and get an early start to class. unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. harry has already spotted him and calls him over.

“hey, pete! come give us some love, eh?” harry beams, an arm slung around your shoulders and you smiling up at him. you direct your smile to peter when he slumps his way to your locker. his lips pull into a barely noticeable frown. you notice. “there’s my guy. why so down, sunshine?” harry offers his fist for a fist bump. peter gives it to him, eyes staying on you.

harry osborn. where to begin with such a specimen? he’s the perfect combination of everything you’d want in a guy. he gets good grades, he’s a star player on on the basketball team, nice to everyone and makes you laugh, popular yet fits right into your small group.

he was friends with you before the popular thing. what kicked it off was him making varsity basketball while only being a sophomore. yep, he’s unreal. since then, he’s been balancing his cool life and also hanging with “the nerds,” as he likes to call you. he got his own feelings for you along the way. peter can tell.

he’ll give you rides home, compliment how you look, basically act like your boyfriend without really being it. it absolutely infuriates peter because he doesn’t compare to harry in the slightest. if he were you and had the choice between himself or harry, he would pick harry.

it’s been a factor in why he hasn’t come clean about how he feels yet. he’s not trying to create a love triangle that he doesn’t stand a chance surviving in.

“for real, peter. you good?” you ask him, eyebrows knitted together in concern. “fine,” peter lies and musters up a smile. “i’m just tired. didn’t sleep too good last night.” you’re only more concerned now. this has been happening to him a lot lately. you search for his eyes. “again?”

“aw, man. you need something for it?” harry punches peter’s shoulder and lowers his voice. “i know this kid who-“ “harry, stop.” your words are serious, tone lighthearted. you throw your head back on his arm. “do you really know a kid?” “i’m not telling you,” he says in an overly happy voice, you humming the same way. peter feels like he’s third wheeling.

“i was telling pete.” harry looks at him expectantly, peter’s mouth dropping open while he thinks of what to say. harry likes to mess around. this is a different level, though. “no thanks. i- i shouldn’t. i’m-“ “relax, i don’t know a kid,” harry chuckles and points at peter. “your face right now.” it’s completely flushed. you knock into harry’s side.

“ok, well literally no one laughed. you’re scaring him,” you tell harry sternly. peter tugs tight on one of his backpack straps. he doesn’t feel like he’s third wheeling you two now. he feels like your kid. he’ll never let ned mettle in his love life ever again if this is where it gets him. “he knows i’m kidding, y/n/n. right?” harry checks with peter. you make a face at him that says you aren’t convinced.

he switches his arm from you to peter, drawing him into his side. “look, pete. i’m sorry. the only kid i know who’s selling is chocolates for his band trip.” you’re satisfied with that, grinning at both of them. peter forces a laugh and nods. “no worries, man. i gotta get to class.” “good boy,” harry lets him go. “bye, pete. we’ll see you at lunch,” you remind him. he gives you a tight lipped smile. “see you, y/n/n.”

you and harry continue practically spooning each other as soon as peter is out of sight.

what the hell is going on?

peter is back to being grumpy, plopping down in his seat next to ned. their teacher has the lesson plan pulled up on the smart board. ned looks from it to peter, almost jumping in his seat. “oh, you’re back already? how’d it go?” “it didn’t go,” peter huffs, copying down the aim. he’s only doing it so he doesn’t have to look ned in the eyes while telling him he bailed. again.

“you didn’t do it?” ned repeats, peter writing something about pi and a unit circle in his notebook. he bites the inside of his cheek. “you have to do it at some point,” ned sighs out and picks up his pencil. even he’s getting tired of this, and ned never gets tired of a good friends to lovers moment. “i think she likes harry,” peter says under his breath. “huh?” ned gasps.

peter doesn’t feel like explaining the extremely awkward moment he just finished living. although, it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion. “y/n. he came over, and they kept hugging and whatever.” “they always do that,” ned almost scoffs, their trigonometry teacher moving to stand in front of the class. “yeah, but he had his arm around her the whole time we-“

the bell rings and cuts their conversation short. peter struggles to label the unit circle they learn about when his mind is filled to its capacity with images of you and harry all over each other. it’s not daydreaming. this is a nightmare. maybe, he actually will be having sleep problems.

peter’s morning is relatively decent after that. he gets to do an experiment with mj in chemistry, and she lets him take the lead for once. spanish is easy, health is okay, then he has a free period, then it’s lunch. things can only go downhill from here.

he thinks about hiding in the library until it’s over, but it’s the thought of harry eating your face that gets him to drag himself to the cafeteria.

flash is at the head of your table talking to harry when peter gets there. great, now he can’t eat his soggy chicken fingers in peace. “sounds dope. let’s go on the-“ flash stops saying what he was saying and nods at peter. “penis parker, you’re late.” peter takes his seat on your left, harry on your right. you glance over at him to make sure he’s okay. he acts like he doesn’t care, peeling open his milk carton.

“just text me later, man. get outta here,” harry dismisses flash, the two of them doing a bro handshake before he leaves. he’s well aware of his and peter’s history. he keeps them separate for the obvious reasons. peter appreciates it because saying no to flash is nearly impossible. he shouldn’t be so mad at harry, should he? he’s a good friend.

harry’s arm snakes around your waist and brings you closer to him. never mind.

“who’s up for sushi later?” he asks the table, everyone agreeing and saying how awesome that sounds. everyone except peter. you tap his shoulder with a small smile. “what about you, peter? you coming?” he realizes you’re all waiting for him to respond and puts down his milk. “uh, i can’t. homework,” he lamely answers.

“dude, we have homework, too. just do it a little later,” ned suggests, betty laying her head on his shoulder. you share a look with her, your eyes wide and a grin on your lips. that must have been what you were talking about this morning. she asked for boy advice. ned advice. why can’t this crap work out for peter?

“i really can’t. sorry, guys,” peter half heartedly apologizes.

he misses the disappointment that crosses your features because he’s pouting at his lunch again.

“homework, huh?” mj tests him, squinting as she takes a sip of apple juice. harry nudges peter’s side with two fingers. “you still mad about the sleeping thing?” “sleeping thing? what sleeping thing?” betty wonders while ned rests his head against hers. a quiet laugh slips out of you as you lean in to tell her.

“peter said he couldn’t sleep last night, so harry offered him...” you mime rolling a joint. “i said no,” peter clarifies, rolling his eyes at the inevitable teasing he’s about to get. none of you have even smoked besides harry. you’re being annoying about it. “of course you did,” mj sighs and kicks her feet up on the table. “unrelated to what y/n just said... harry, i have insomnia.”

everyone bursts into laughter at that, betty shoving her side and you pulling harry by his torso as he pretends to go into his backpack. peter wants nothing to do with any of this. he usually enjoys joking around with the group, even if it’s at his expense because it’s from a place of love.

today feels like you’re straight up making fun of him. harry might as well invite flash to join in.

“alright, alright, alright. enough of the weed talk,” harry decides, you removing your arms from him and grabbing your coffee. “you’re such a bad influence.” your voice drips with sarcasm. you bend the straw and take a sip while scooting closer to peter. “you really can’t come later? i feel like i’ve barely seen you today.” that’s on harry. “i wish i could, y/n/n,” peter exhales. “i’ll text you later, okay?”

you don’t get to answer because mj tugs on your arm, distracting you from peter. she explains how she has to do an art project on what it means to be a woman and needs help brainstorming ideas. you’re full of them, offering up an interesting perspective for her to use. peter smiles to himself as he listens in. you find a new way to impress him every day.

he should tell you that.

“hey, y/n?” “listen to her! you’re seriously my idol,” betty gushes, so loudly you don’t hear peter. not a single thing has gone in his favor at this table. he gives up.

peter locks himself in his room when he gets home from his overall terrible day. he does homework like he said he would, only taking a break for dinner, giving one word replies to may’s questions about school. he’d much rather be having sushi with you. he would’ve gone if the others didn’t.

after dinner, it’s back to grumbling and scribbling down answers. there’s a knock at peter’s door around ten o’clock, which he assumes is may saying goodnight. “i’ll be done in a few minutes, may! love you.” “it’s y/n,” you reply, the smile clear in your voice. his eyes go comically wide. that’s the last thing he expected to hear. “oh. uh, come in.”

you’re holding a small takeout bag, shutting the door behind you and walking over to his desk. you meet his twinkling eyes in the dim light that hits off his walls. from his open window, you faintly hear cars as they rush by and honk their horns in the distance, accompanied by a fresh breeze. it’s cozy, safe. it’s peter.

“hey. what’re you doing here?” peter questions, leaving his pencil in his binder and shutting it. you shake around the plastic bag. “i saved you a roll.” he bites back a smile, getting up from his chair. “may let me in. she was really chill about it,” you continue and hold out the sushi for him. “it’s a california roll. i wasn’t sure what you wanted, and everyone likes those.”

peter lets his smile spread out and takes the bag from you. “thanks, y/n/n. i was honestly hoping one of you would have leftovers.” you laugh softly, peter setting the bag down on his desk. he scratches the back of his neck. “did you guys have fun?” “yeah. i missed you, though.” you clasp your hands behind your back. “everyone did.”

“i feel bad i didn’t go. just... things felt off today,” peter admits the real reason he stayed home, you letting out a breath. “it was harry, wasn’t it? god, he was being so weird.” your arms drop back to your sides. “there’s a difference between playing around and actually upsetting people.” by people, you mean peter. no one else seemed too bothered by him. “i’m sorry, peter. i tried to make him stop.”

“no, you don’t have to apologize,” peter assures you sweetly, grabbing one of your hands. “it’s not your fault, okay? he probably didn’t realize what he was doing. the jokes landed.” he’s referring to ned, mj, and betty finding harry’s comments hilarious. you lace your fingers with peter’s and frown. “this isn’t like him. maybe he’s stressed about a game.” your gaze drifts off to the side, what you see getting you to perk up.

“is that new?” you ask peter, leading him by his hand over to a poster he put up recently. it’s for 13 going on 30. you showed it to him a couple of weeks ago, and he clearly liked it a lot. any movie that makes it to peter’s wall is a special one. “mhm. i got it literally right after you went home the night we watched,” he chuckles and looks over at you while you study the poster.

you turn to face peter again, keeping your hand tight in his. “were you gonna tell me something earlier? at lunch?” he’s confused for a second, then he remembers your ideas for mj’s art project. the fact that you cared enough to bring it up after all these hours makes his stomach do summersaults in the best way. he shrugs and gives you a smile.

“the stuff you were saying about femininity and how there are so many ways to define it,” peter starts, you grinning back at him, at how he took an interest in what you were saying. “you’re so smart, y/n. you make me wanna be better.” a light pink dusts his cheeks. “peter, you’re a feminist?” you coo, joking but genuinely wondering at the same time. he squeezes your hand. “duh.”

“i thought so,” you nod, taking in the rest of what he said. “you think i’m smart? i trust you because you’re way smarter.” peter pffts in response. “i’m only good at, like, physics. you’re good at things that really matter. smart in that way.” you’re feeling your own face get hot. you swing yours and peter’s hands back and forth. “why are you the nicest person ever?”

the answer to that, may, peeks her head into the room. “hey, kids. it’s getting late.” she notices your intertwined hands and shoots peter a smirk. “i thought you were a cool aunt,” he teases, you sadly letting go of him. “she is. thanks for having me over so late,” you tell may on your way to the door. “oh, stop it. you can come over any time.” she puts a hand on your arm. “thank you so much,” you murmur back.

you walk backwards to the doorway, may leaving you two to say your goodbyes. “wanna hang out only you and me? on friday maybe?” that should make up for everything earlier. “yeah, of course. friday is perfect,” peter agrees and bounces on his feet as excitement takes over him. “thanks again for the sushi.”

“no problem. goodnight.” it’s taking every last bit of power in you to not freak out. “night. text me when you get home.” he presses his tongue into his cheek. you slowly pull the door shut. “ok, i will. bye!” it closes, leaving peter skipping across his room to his bed on one side and you doing a little happy dance on the other.

the next day at school, everything is back to normal. honestly, better than normal. your hangout with peter is tomorrow, and he’s planning on telling he likes you then. he already talked it over with ned. he’s relieved it’s finally happening, especially since him and betty have their own thing. she’ll be taking up most of his free time from here.

your group is spending lunch outside today, lounging across a picnic table, surrounded by trees and the shining sun in a bright blue sky. mj sits on the table and has her feet on the bench, which would usually bug peter to no end. he doesn’t mind this time because it takes up enough room that harry has to sit with ned and betty instead of you. you lean into peter’s side and stab a piece of lettuce from your salad.

“it’s so nice out,” betty sighs, ripping off half her cookie and giving it to ned. “we should ditch.” “oh my god, you sound like harry,” you groan between bites of salad. peter lets out a breathy laugh, you looping your arm through his. he grins down at where you’re linked. harry crosses his own arms over his chest. “she wishes.” betty only nods because her mouth is full of m&m’s.

“nah, seriously. i’d take us out somewhere, but i have practice after school.” he speaks quieter than he normally does, less confident. your theory about him having basketball drama was right. “what did we tell you? talk about the sports shit with your sports friends,” mj complains, sitting back on her hands. she glances at harry over her shoulder and catches ned mouthing you can’t say that.

sitting criss cross, she spins around to face harry, unenthusiastically saying, “what i meant was, you sound upset. what’s wrong?” harry gets into it right away, like he’s been waiting for someone to ask. “coach says there might be a scout at the next game. it’s a really good opportunity even though i don’t have to worry about... college yet.” the word makes him cringe.

“oh, damn. that’s a big deal. scary,” mj snorts, turning back to you and peter. her behavior makes ned internally face palm. “that’s awesome, dude. you’re gonna play amazing like always.” he gives harry a high five, who smiles nervously in response. he’s never nervous. “thanks, bro. you guys wanna come and watch?” he’s never invited you to one of his games before either.

this isn’t a group of friends that likes to spend their weekends in bleachers while angry teens shout around them.

“definitely. we’ll be there to support you, harry,” betty answers for everyone, ned pecking her cheek in satisfaction. mj cusses to herself before replying. “if i absolutely must, sure.” only you and peter haven’t said anything yet. he’s been chewing his lower lip, and you your salad. harry looks between you two hopefully. it’s more so at you, which peter doesn’t like.

“y/n? pete? it would help a lot, i’m serious.” he taps his fingers on the table until one of you speaks up. you’re the one who does. “i’ll go. this is pretty huge, right? congrats.” you reach across the table and squeeze his shoulder while simultaneously tightening your arm around peter’s. he takes that as a cue. “i’ll go, too. happy for you, man.”

though peter isn’t currently in the best place with harry, he should show his support by showing up. it can’t be too bad since the rest of you will be there.

a loud, long chuckle leaves harry as he hops up from his bench and comes to yours and peter’s. he bends over and wraps both of you in a hug from behind at the same time. his arms are around each of your shoulders, holding you so close his cheeks are squished against either of your heads. you giggle at that, peter finding himself laughing along and reaching back to ruffle harry’s hair.

staying mad at him is one of the world’s greatest challenges.

“you’re saints, both of you. my angels.” he kisses the back of your head, then lays one right on peter’s cheek, leaving him blushing red and grinning. “what about the rest of us? i never go to shit like this,” mj huffs and seems genuinely offended. harry wiggles his eyebrows. “you want a kiss?” his offer gets her flustered, which she can’t manage to hide. that’s a first.

“shut up. i’m just saying... never mind.” mj glares at you and peter, ned and betty making kissing noises behind her. “someone change the subject.” peter steps in. “when’s the game, harry?” he asks, harry snapping and waving his finger. “tomorrow! cancel your plans, kiddos.” “like we had any,” betty retorts.

some of you did. that was going to be peter’s hangout with you.

ned smiles sympathetically at peter before betty is getting his attention. you‘re unfazed and rambling to harry how proud you are of him.

did last night mean nothing? was it an empty gesture? were you only doing it out of guilt? peter must have read your visit wrong. he’s been wrong the whole time he’s liked you. you don’t like him back, you pity him. harry is who you’re really interested in.

may always says he should trust his instincts.

peter pulls his arm from yours suddenly, swinging his backpack onto his shoulders. you’re taken back because it’s so out of no where. you stop talking to harry so you can figure out his deal. “where are you going?” “bell’s gonna ring,” peter mumbles and picks up his lunch tray. he heads to the garbage can without another word or goodbye to anyone.

“i’m gonna go check on him,” you tell harry, already getting up from the bench. “you do that,” he acknowledges and calls mj’s name again.

peter tosses his mostly untouched food in the trash, seeing you make your way over from the corner of his eye. he tries to speed walk inside so he doesn’t have to talk to you. you’re too quick, cornering him between the door and brick wall.

“we still have ten minutes,” you state, worry flashing across your face. he’s avoiding you. well, attempting to. “what’s wrong?” peter gulps before saying anything. “my next class is on the other side of the-“ “no,” you cut him off. “what’s really wrong?”

he doesn’t feel like having this discussion. it’s bad enough he came to the realization his feelings are one sided. must he break that down for you so soon?

you toy with your sleeve while you speak because peter doesn’t. “i thought you and harry were fine again. i mean, he kissed you.” peter clenches his jaw so hard he can imagine the sound of it cracking. “it’s not about harry.” “what, then? what the fuck happened?” your sleeves are now balled in your fists. you hate it when peter does this angsty routine.

he keeps his voice low and calm so he doesn’t come off as jealous or hurt. he’s both of those things. “the game is tomorrow. friday. when we were supposed to hang out.” you meet peter’s eyes with nothing but remorse in yours. “i... i forgot,” is all you have to say.

you feel awful. he’s had a tough couple of days, and you fell through on your promise to cheer him up.

“clearly,” peter remarks, voice sharp. the way you’re looking at him makes him think he won’t like what’s coming. “peter, we have to go,” you almost whine. “i’m really sorry, i am, but this is a big night for harry. he needs us there.” peter stays silent. you’re twisting the knife deeper into him with every word. “i wouldn’t be cancelling if this wasn’t important.”

now you’re cancelling?

you reach for peter’s hand, but he shoves it into his pocket. that stings for you and him. “please, peter. we’ll hang out at the game, i swear.” this is the last chance you’ve got, so you pile it on. “harry won’t even be there, technically. he’ll... he’ll be on the court.” peter hadn’t thought about that. he lets himself unclench, starting to see the appeal. you add one more thing to lighten the mood and persuade him.

“i’ll buy you popcorn, all you can eat.” it’s that easy. cracking a smile, peter accepts. he’ll deal with his unresolved, unreciprocated feelings after he stuffs his face, courtesy of you. “you better. i’m gonna need it for this long ass game.” your face lights up, grabbing his wrist in both hands.

“so, you’ll come?” “i’ll be there,” he confirms. you throw your arms around his neck. he laughs into the hug and holds you by your middle. “i promise this’ll be the first and last game we ever go to,” you say and mean it. harry is lucky you’re even suffering through this a first time. “thank god,” peter exhales, resting his chin on your head.

that interaction leaves peter confused as hell. you’re crushing his mind and soul one minute, then hugging him the next. you were making him feel so special lasts night, and treating harry the same way today. it’s so jumbled that he isn’t sure if he’s in the friend zone or something more zone.

there are a ton of mixed signals coming his way, and he sucks at reading people as is.

he can’t take another second of this. he’d rather you come out and say you like harry already because it’s torture. knowing you don’t want him in that way would at least eliminate the possibility of anything happening between you two, and allow him to stop driving himself insane.

he’d be able to stop taking it out on harry, too.

the hold you have on peter, that you’re oblivious to, rules his every thought and decision. he’s constantly analyzing what you say to him, debating whether or not your affection is simply platonic. it’s been half a year of this madness, the night of harry’s game blurring every line so much more.

your group arrives a bit early to find seats and hype harry up before he plays. peter gets there after all of you because he’s not exactly in a rush to watch sweaty guys be aggressive. there’s only one upside, which is spending the night with you... and everyone else.

he steps into the gym that’s filling up fast with family members, friends, and the college scout harry was talking about. midtown has a different feeling to it at night. the smell of pencils is oddly stronger, and it’s a lot less intimidating.

cheerleaders are huddled in a circle while the team supervisor has them run their chants. the “leading official,” who peter thought was called a referee, takes his place off to the side. coaches give their players last minute instructions, players fool around with each other, a lot is going on.

peter scans the room for you, and grins a toothy grin when you catch his eyes. you’re sitting by yourself in one of the middle bleachers, only a bag of skinny pop in your lap. you return the smile once you spot him and wave him over.

“i don’t know why, but i thought they’d have an actual concession stand,” you explain the lack of fresh, buttery popcorn as peter takes a seat next to you. he catches the prepackaged bag you toss him. “it’s just a snack table.” “works either way,” peter hums and pokes the bag. “i’m not sure skinny pop is all i can eat, though.” “it’s good!” you defend the snack you chose for him.

“i’m kidding! you’re right, it’s kind of addicting.” he puts it by his feet for now and gives you a half smile. “you’re welcome,” you deadpan in a playful tone. “thanks.” he narrows his eyes. “where’s everyone else?” “right,” you twist around and gesture to the bleacher above you. mj is gloomily seated near the back. ned and betty are a few behind you.

“i told them to find their own seats so we can sit together, alone.” you look over at peter and move ever so slightly closer. “welcome to our friday hangout. just the two of us.” “aw, you didn’t have to do that,” peter laughs out, his knee bumping yours. “but, i’m happy you did.” he goes to put an arm around you, then harry comes racing up the stairs.

just the two of you didn’t last so long.

“y/n, i’m freaking out,” harry announces, zooming through your row to get over to you. he stops once he’s standing in front of peter and shakes him by his shoulder. “hey, pete. you made it.” “yup,” peter replies, pressing his lips together. you wince at his reaction, then quirk an eyebrow at harry. “you’re freaking out? why?”

harry sits down between you and peter, blissfully unaware of the moment he interrupted.

“i found the scout. he’s fucking terrifying as fuck. this super ripped guy, looks like he’d rather be anywhere else,” he talks quietly, like the man will hear him. “he’s not the only one,” peter says to himself, kicking around his bag of popcorn to pass time. you ignore him and grimace.

“shit. wait, how do you know it’s him? did they tell you?” you’re not sure how these things go. harry casually shrugs a shoulder. “dude has a clipboard. seems legit to me.” he gives you a cocky smile. “he’s also in the row before mj. that’s how i noticed. um...” his back now facing peter, he whispers something in your ear that makes you giggle.

peter’s face scrunches up as the spark of anger the past few days have lit reignites itself.

when harry pulls away, you motion for him to come closer with your index finger, cupping your hand around his ear and speaking into it.

nope, no more. peter is entirely about to explode. you cancelled your plans so you can force him to watch basketball, you sweet talk him so he’ll let it go, and you’re running right back to harry after all of that? what the hell does that mean?

peter stands up from his seat. “y/n, we need to talk,” he demands, you moving away from harry to respond. “ok, gimme a minute. we’re-“ “no, we need to talk now.” you don’t have time to refute because he’s taking your arm and dragging you away. harry squints at you in utter confusion.

“um, have a good game! we’ll talk later,” you call back to him, walking with peter even though you have no idea what his issue is and aren’t a fan of how he’s acting.

he releases you once you’re in the hallway. you make a point of harshly yanking your arm back, a scowl painting your lips. “jesus, peter. i was having a conversation.” “do you like harry?” peter blurts out. you’re so shocked at his abruptness that you don’t give him much to work with, only, “what?” “do you like harry?” he asks you again, this time less accusing and more curious.

“do i like...” you’re too aware of the seemingly hundreds of people surrounding you to answer comfortably. “can we talk about this somewhere else?” “sure,” peter nods, letting you lead the way since he did to get out here. you two go down the hall and choose the first room you see, which happens to be the custodian’s closet. it’s thankfully unlocked.

things were tense between you and peter on the way over, and it’s physically mirrored when you step into the room, air thick and smelling of lemon cleaning supplies. you tug on the string hanging down to turn on the light. it casts a faded glow, leaving you in mostly darkness. you sort of like it. this feels more intimate, which is fitting for what you’re both about to say.

neither one of you knows where to begin. peter’s question is ringing in the back of your mind, and you could touch on that, but there’s more to it than a simple yes or no. you don’t have to worry about it because peter gets his words out first.

“i think harry likes you, and i think you like him back,” peter restarts, already sounding deflated by what he came up with. “he doesn’t, and i don’t.” you take a step towards him. “he likes mj.” it’s peter’s turn to be shocked. the hint of a smile sets on your lips. “that’s what we were talking about. harry asked if he should take her to dinner after the game, and i said yes.”

this is going better than he expected.

“mj is the one who likes him, not me,” you reiterate and watch some life enter peter again, a tiny bit. he’s coming around, and he wants to believe you. his trust issues don’t. “but, you’re so... touchy with each other. the hugging the other day?” he mentions. you tilt your head to the side in amusement. “friends can’t hug?”

to be fair, you hugged peter yesterday. that’s a point rightfully shut down.

“he calls you pretty,” peter tries, raising both eyebrows. you have to laugh at this one. “you call may pretty.”

obviously, peter’s analysis skills could use some serious improvements. it sounds like he had the right idea, wrong person. your relationship with harry is platonic. hell, he’s crushing on a whole different person. this actually opens up the possibility of you liking peter in the romantic way, of him being in the something more zone. he had it backwards.

in case peter isn’t convinced yet, and because you really want to, you use one more trick to prove to him you don’t like harry.

“do me and harry do this?” your lips speak for you, colliding with peter’s unexpectedly yet easily. he feels like he’s floating, like he’s in some sort of magical wonderland until it hits him that this is real, and he should probably kiss you back. he does so softly and tangles his fingers in your locks. his hand supports the back of your head as the kiss goes on.

you push forward so your bodies are almost fused together, the closest you can be while you hold his jaw. peter breaks the kiss for a short breather, going back in without more than a moment passing. this one is feverish, his free arm looping around your lower back, hand resting on the small of it. you let out a giggle against his swollen lips and stroke your thumb over his jawline.

he’s been waiting to do this for the longest time, but he doesn’t have to tell you that. it shows in how eager he was to reciprocate, his shyness blossoming into passion. you feel yourself melting under his touch, the kiss eventually becoming a series of short pecks. peter gives you the final one. his pink lips form a grin when you pull apart. your hands stay on each other, not in a rush to go anywhere.

“woah, i like you so much,” peter laughs out. the words roll off his tongue naturally. “you know i like you,” you drawl, smiling at him, a full body smile while you caress his skin. he winds both arms around you and dips his head down to steal another kiss. you’re loving what’s happening. however, you don’t feel like making out while dirty brooms stare at you. you should take this back home.

“wanna get out of here? i do,” you suggest, voice muffled from his lips. they detach from yours and brush your cheek gently. peter makes a funny face. “hm, i thought we had to come. harry needs us,” he says what you did yesterday, earning a groan back. “you’re joking.” “i’m not. what kind of friends would we be, ditching him like that?”

he’s going to end you one day.

“yeah, no. i have no idea how basketball works, and i’d like to keep it that way,” peter drops the act, pressing his fingers into your sides. “i’ve been so mean to harry. i was...” “a dick?” you finish for him. it’s more of a statement than a question. to soften the blow, you rub his cheek with the tips of your fingers. “yup. he’s gonna think i hate him or something if we don’t stay.” his formerly smiley face is frowning.

“harry of all people will understand after we tell him our reasons,” you reassure him, nudging under his chin with your nose. “besides, he has other things to worry about. mj, the scout. it’s fine.” peter considers it, ultimately giving in to you like he always does, resting his forehead on yours. “i guess so. less distractions for him, yeah.” “exactly. that’s what i wanna hear.”

having his approval, you unwind yourself from him and head to the door. his fingers wrap around your wrist gently. “what about my popcorn?” a giggle escapes your lips. “you’re still on that?” “you said all i can eat!” his voice comes out high pitched, adorably high pitched.

“fine. i might have those bags you put in the microwave.” you smile when his fingers lock with yours, peter kissing the side of your head.

“even better. let’s go home.”