#tagging is my least favourite part lmao

[iwoszareba]

can you put on a human face? not like that. you are still freaking people out

[myfictionaldreams]

Winter Soup // Mafia!Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: There was no better feeling than a bowl of hot soup when you're feeling unwell and, what's even better is when it's delivered to your door every day by your new guard. It tasted amazing and you could always trust everyone in the Mafia... right?

Requested by: @senjoritanana​​ thank you so much, I hope you enjoy all the angst!

A/N: PSA I don't know the specifics of how poisons work and didn't want to risk it on my google history lmao so please ignore any inaccuracies. Please read the tags if you're affected by near death experiences, please proceed with caution and if I've missed any tags/warnings, please let me know!

Warnings/Tags: 18+ readers only, hints of smut, angst (LOTS BUCKLE UP), fluff, polyamory relationship, poisoning, blood and injury, anxiety, crying, begging, near death expierences, reader is injured, pain, emotional hurt/comfort, hospitalization, protective Steve Bucky and Sam, everyone needs a hug tbh

Words: 7.7k

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The warmer months were slowly starting to shift into winter and for some reason this year, the weather change was beginning to affect your health. You’d heard of the phrase ‘seasonal depression’ but you were convinced that it was due to the cooler weather that was making you feel this rubbish.

It had been happening for a week now, and some days you’d feel fine, normal in fact but then others your chest felt so tight as if an elephant was sitting on top of you, nausea, vertigo and heart palpations that would have you clutching your chest with fear you might explode. With each passing day, you would be praying for the summer months to return, especially as the snow and ice increased with intensity outside of your home.

You were fine for the most part, good days and bad; yes you might be getting worse with each passing day but you were adamant that the seasonal illness would pass. However, the frosty weather was also a minor blessing because it was your excuse to stay home and be a pretty housewife for Steve and Bucky. Being able to stay home made it easier to keep the illness to yourself as well, it was a busy time within the Rogers mafia and you didn’t need them wasting their time fretting over your wellness when they had a lot of other things to do. They had many international deals that were so close to being signed for and contracted that every waking hour was spent at the office, on phone calls, and emails, trying to talk to locals across the world to attend meetings on their behalf so the boys were thoroughly busy.

There were a few occasions you’d attended with them to the office if you were feeling particularly needy or lonely but it unnerved you to drive on the snow and ice so when you suggested that you might stay at home, Steve and Bucky offered no complaints.

At home at least you were able to mop about, trying to perk yourself up with movies, pyjamas and your favourite bowl of warm soup. Over the last few months, you’d been trying to improve your cooking skills, especially to impress Steve who usually cooked for three of you. This became more interesting as the colder months drew in over Brooklyn as this meant you could cook more homely, hearty foods such as soups and stews, especially as you had recipe suggestions from the newly hired grounds guard Rafael.

He’d been recommended by a friend of a friend for Steve to hire which was perfect timing because the last grounds guard had retired. There were a few occasions when he was the guard to bring the post to the front door from the front gate and you soon found he was enthusiastic and easy to talk to, even though he was a little bit older, which was how you found out he had previously been a chef and offered to give you recipe ideas. As winter drew in, Rafael began turning up when he knew you were by yourself to deliver some of his momma’s family recipe soups, hoping that the meal would perk you up which it did, they tasted so delicious that you were secretly hoping he would keep bringing them to you, especially as you continued to feel unwell.

“What is it today?”, you asked voice full of hope and trying to sound as upbeat as possible. Even though you were desperately holding onto the door handle as your head was spinning and scared you’d fall over.

“Potato and leek soup and they’re all grown in my back yard so hopefully you’ll love it even more than usual”, Rafael smiled as he handed over the container, his smile broad and causing the aged creases at the corner of his eyes to deepen.

Gleefully you accepted the soup, opening the lid slightly to smell the delicious meal, your stomach grumbling with hunger. Your appetite had reduced significantly over the last few days due to always feeling nauseous however it seemed the only thing that you could stomach was his delicious meals and therefore his arrival was always welcomed.

“Thank you so much! Please will you let me pay you this time? You’re being way too kind to me, always giving me free meals, you’re going above and beyond a usual guard”, you pleaded whilst also having to return holding onto the door handle as it felt like the ground was moving with your dizziness.

Rafael held up his hands and shook his head, taking a step back, “Absolutely not! Just wanted to give you something to make you feel better and make the fairies go away”.

The guard halted, a look of embarrassment passing out his features as he realised what he just said, especially as you asked, “Fairies?”

He awkwardly looked down at his shoes, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to explain, “Yeah it’s just something my momma use to say. If we were feeling unwell, it’s because the fairies had crept into our stomachs and were being naughty and making us ill and now I’ve said it out loud to another person I’ve realised how insane that sounds so I’m going to stop talking”.

You squeezed your lips together to try and contain your laughter but that lasted a moment before you were both laughing which only turned into you losing your balance against the door and swaying to keep yourself upright. The laughter died in Rafael’s eyes as he reached out to you, “Woah, you ok, Ma’am?”

Quickly brushing him off, you took a step back into your home, trying to ask nonchalantly about the situation, “Yeah sorry, probably just the fairies pushing me over”. Your joke didn’t seem to comfort him in any way as he continued to look uneased by your appearance.

Thankfully Rafael didn’t push the situation any further, seeing that you wanted to escape back into the comfort of your home, he took his step back with a simple smile. “Get back inside before you catch another cold from this snow. Eat the soup whilst it’s still warm and I’ll be back tomorrow to hear the verdict on the taste.”

“Thank you Rafael! Enjoy the rest of your day!”. You waved him off and rushed to slam the door, sliding down to the floor against the wood, losing all energy that you’d built that morning just for that one conversation. Ok yes, you were feeling sorry for yourself as you tried to catch your breath, heart pounding violently in your chest that it also echoed in your ears and your vision was still seeing double of everything.

However your stomach continued to gurgle with hunger so without wasting any more energy, you opened the lid and ate the entire contents then and there. Releasing a satisfied sigh at the delicious meal, you took another couple of minutes to gather your senses before dragging yourself over to the living room, collapsing onto your back on the couch and letting sleep take you into a dreamless realm.

A violent shake of your shoulders by a hard grip on your shoulder was what startled you awake as Sam’s voice then surrounded you as he shouted, “Hey! Wake up!”.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever been close to hating you Sam Wilson”, you croaked before coughs shattered your chest, rocking your body as you tried to sit up and suck in any air between the painful coughs. Finally, you calmed down enough to collapse back against the decorative cushions of the couch and open your eyes to look at the three Sam’s that hovered over you. After a couple more blinks, they merged into one, very distressed-looking bodyguard, eyebrows knitted together and jaw muscle clenched harshly.

Sam reached towards your face, pressing against your cheek in concern, “Why didn’t you tell me you were ill?”

“What? I’m not ill, I’m just tired, can’t a girl nap around here?” you questioned with a raised eyebrow, trying to look as relaxed as possible. 

The man didn’t look convinced as he sat on the edge of the couch next to you. Releasing a heavy sigh which only twinged something in your chest that made you want to cough but you refrained from doing so as you emphasised, “Sam seriously, I’m fine”.

Sam gave you another serious glance, eyes hardening as he explained, “You didn’t sound fine, you were wheezing so hard in your sleep I thought you were going to stop breathing”.

There was no denying the panic that filled your heart and would explain the tightened feeling in your chest but you tried to not let the fear show on your face as you rolled your eyes, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

“I appreciate your concern Sam, but I feel ok, I’m just tired, I was probably just sleeping in a weird position and look, no wheeze now!” Taking a deep breath to show there was no more noise coming from your chest, however, it didn’t seem to comfort him in any way.

“Yeah well you’re still looking peaky and why are you so tired all the time recently, you’re never usually like this”.

“It’s probably just the cold weather or something. If I start to feel unwell, you know I’d tell you. I’m a big baby when I’m ill, you’ll be the first to know”. Sam looked to be contemplating believing you and all you were silently begging for was that he didn’t call Steve and Bucky, they just didn’t need this stress right now. Even though it was in his contract to call them at any sign of injury or illness but as Sam looked at you, other than looking tired, you seemed to be fine and still joking with him. Finally, he gave you a simple nod and you couldn't hold back the thankful sigh. “Do you mind if I go back to sleep for a little while longer or do you need me for anything?”

“You’ve been sleeping a lot recently”, he stated his earlier point again.

“What, so I’m not allowed to nap now?” you teased him with a subtle smile, hoping to crack his worried exterior. It only half worked as he shook his head to himself, standing up and pulling the fluffy blanket that had been left behind you on the couch and throwing it over your body. Before you could even thank him though, sleep had stolen you back into its resting state. 

Sleeping for a few more hours, Sam was nowhere to be seen but he usually liked to check the perimeter ever so often and speak to the other guards so you weren’t worried about his whereabouts. As you shuffled to the kitchen, you couldn’t tell if you felt any worse or better after all the sleeping, haven’t wasted another day feeling sorry for yourself, you tried to snap out of it by glancing through the refrigerator and cupboards and deciding to ssurpriseSteve and Bucky with a romantic meal.

The house was soon filled with delicious scents of sweet and savoury as you’d baked and were in the process of cooking their dinner. You were in your own little world and had only stumbled a handful of times with dizziness and the headache that was building was currently mild in comparison to others you had, it was fine you determined to yourself

Still lost in your own thoughts, you hadn’t even heard the front door open as you were suddenly enveloped by a muscular chest and arms, a smile aching your cheeks as you nuzzled back into Steve’s body. His lips danced over your cheek and down your neck as he held you close, the roughness of his beard comforting. “I didn’t hear you come in”, you commented, turning your head slightly to chase after his lips, sighing deeply in your chest as he held you tighter for a second, hands dipping beneath your shirt at your waist so that he could feel the warmth of your skin.

“I did shout”, he revealed whilst moving back to neck, not to kiss but just to smell you in, his body almost melting into the floor as he felt at home with the familiar scents. “I’ve missed you”, he whispered against your skin.

Goosebumps instantly flooded over your body as you shivered, turning in his arms to hug him properly, your fingers scratching through his hair that was beginning to curl at the ends where he’d allowed it to grow out over the winter months. “I’ve missed you too”, you whispered against his lips, lazily kissing and breathing each other in.

“Come with us tomorrow, I want you to be near me”, he admits with words that were making you cling to him harder.

You wanted to say yes and the word was on the tip of your tongue but then your thoughts drifted to the soup coming. “I’ve got a delivery coming that I can’t miss, I’m sorry”.

“The guards can get the delivery”, he counters.

“It’s fresh soup I want it whilst it’s hot”, an embarrassed smile finds its way to your lips as he leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he just enjoyed the moment of the two of you being together.

“Soup? But we could order that to the office if you wanted it, you know that’s no issue”. 

You pout dramatically, hanging off his neck as you whisper with a childish tone, “But it won’t be the soup that I’ve ordered and want”.

Steve rolls his eyes but you know he's being playful, he could never find a reason to be upset with you. Rolling back his shoulders, he stands back to his full height, opening his eyes to cup your cheek with his massive hand but this was when he took you in and a frown dawned on his face just like it had on Sam’s. “Are you feeling ok?” The hand on your cheek moved towards your forehead, expecting to feel a temperature but it felt normal.

“I feel great”, you say with as much cheer in your tone as possible, still holding onto his neck but mostly because another wave of dizziness had rushed through you and you needed some support to stay standing.

Steve didn’t seem convinced, “You just … look a little off”.

You playfully rolled your eyes, similar to how he had just done, “Wow thanks Steve”.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that”.

“I know, I’m joking, I’m fine - really, it's nothing to worry about”. He eyes you and doesn’t fall for your grin so you tried your next trick up your sleeve. Leaning on your tip toes whilst pulling his face closer, you whispered against his lips, “I love you, Stevie”.

The tension momentarily eased from his shoulders as his grip around you tightened, “I love you too”.

“Sorry to interrupt your love fest but I want my own loving”, Bucky broadly announced from the entrance of the kitchen where he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, a twinkle of mischief in his blue eyes however as you pulled back from Steve and he could finally see your face, the happiness seeped from his face. “Woah, what happened? Are you ok?”

You gave a frustrated huff, finally releasing Steve’s neck as you pointed in the direction of the decorated table. “Right, both of you go and sit down before I decide you don’t deserve any food for being mean”.

Steve shuffled away first as you continued to cook the food, Bucky looking ashamed as he came over and kissed your cheek but before he could pull away, you quickly captured his lips in a kiss to show you’d been playing before and weren’t upset.

“Why are there only two plates on the table?”  Steve questioned as he took a seat.

Without looking over your shoulder at him, you casually answered, “I’ve already had mine, I wasn’t sure when you were both going to be home and I didn’t want to wait”. They both seemed to accept your lie and you happily sat with them as they ate, asking about how the deals were going. They both seemed to be agreed that they were sure to have contracts signed tomorrow and had even been able to pay off some of the international police so that shipping of the goods could occur. In truth, after the soup, you were not feeling at all remotely hungry and even the smell of the cooked food had turned your stomach over.

A couple of hours later, the three of you were preparing for bed. Steve is in the middle and you are to his right and Bucky is to his left. You and the mafia boss had been kissing deeply for a couple of minutes, his hands beneath your shirt, brushing against your breasts, rough fingertips peaking your nipples as you ground down on his thigh. You were soaked and he could feel the evidence of it as you weren’t wearing any underwear but the longer the touches and kisses went on for, the more you were feeling unwell.

As his teeth tugged on your bottom lip and he began to trail open-mouthed kisses over your jaw and down your throat, you noticed Bucky was doing the same thing but to Steve’s neck from behind. However, there were two Bucky’s instead of one as your vision swayed and it felt as if you were on a water bed with how unsteady you felt. The headache was close to a full-blown migraine as well now which only continued to make you feel nauseous so even though there was nothing more you wanted than to continue where this intimacy was leading but, for once, you had to stop it.

“Wait, just- just one moment”, you pushed against Steve's shoulders at the same time. The blonde's hold on you loosened as he moved his face back to look into your eyes but you’d closed them, trying to hide your face from him and Bucky who had also sat up further to check on you. “I just- sorry I’m tired and I… I’m not sure- sorry.. I don’t think-”.

Steve’s fingers tipped your chin up to look at him as he smiled softly down at you, “If you don’t want to do anything, we don’t have to. If you’re tired then I’ll just hold you close, ok? Please don’t apologise for not wanting any of this”.

You relaxed in his arms, feeling grateful for him but also bad that you could feel how aroused he was against your stomach. “Thank you. I’m just feeling so tired today. Please don’t let me stop you both, continue without me, I just want to go to sleep”.

“You don’t have to give us reasons why you don’t want to do it, baby, we’ll do whatever you want to do. Me and Buck don’t have to fuck if you want to be held, I don’t want you thinking we’re neglecting you”.

Affection and love warmed your heart as you kissed Steve’s lips and then reached over his shoulder to kiss Bucky. “I love you both but seriously please continue, I like watching you both anyway so that’ll satisfy me enough if I’m not asleep by that point anyway”.

They both gave their love back to you with praises and pecks to your face before rolling away from you and beginning their exploration of each other's bodies. You watched with a smile on your face for a couple of moments and your core ached with need but as a burst of pain pounded through your temple, your eyes shut automatically to help ease the pain and from there, they never opened again as sleep took you soon after.

The next morning, your migraine had gone but your entire body felt weak and drained of any energy. Steve and Bucky took one look at you and determined that they’d be working from home, wishing to remain near you but they still needed the comfort of their home office upstairs whereas you remained downstairs, pretending to watch TV.

Somehow, you had continued to hide your seasonal illness, they just thought you still looked peaky. Today was the worst you’d felt so far, even having to use the wall as support whilst walking around the home, silently coughing into cushions so that the boys wouldn’t hear upstairs and this only increased the sharp pain shooting through your chest.

At lunchtime, Sam came over to visit and found you at the table in the kitchen, head lying against the table top as you dipped in and out of sleep. You were too tired to even pretend to joke and thankfully for once he didn’t pester you with being unwell, especially knowing Steve and Bucky were home, he assumed they had seen how bad you were so he just sat next to you at the table, easing his hand under your head so you had some comfort against the hard surface.

Soon after, Rafael knocked on the front door with your soup delivery. Usually h,e would stay at the door, never coming into your home but Sam insisted that he come out of the cold and deliver the soup to you in person.

“Yay!” you croaked, reaching out for the warm container, seeing the soup within and seeing that it was a deep red colour today, possibly tomato.

“I didn’t know you cooked, Rafael”, Sam noted, taking his seat next to yours once more as the new guard stayed standing at the head of the table. Other than Natasha, Sam was the lead of the security and guards and technically Rafael’s boss.

“Oh yeah, he used to be a chef”, you explained to Sam, whilst opening the lid of the container, smelling the delicious food and confirming your theory that it was tomato soup.

“Chef? I didn’t know you worked as a chef”, Sam remarked with a frown, eyeing Rafael with confusion as he’d been the one to complete the job interview and didn’t remember seeing chef on his CV.

Rafael casually shrugged his shoulders, looking somewhat tense at the questioning but still forced a smile to his face to please his boss. “I didn’t think it was relevant to the job, to be honest”.

“We’ll have to get you on the bbq when the weather perks up, maybe that’ll stop the arguments between Steve and Bucky”, Sam mused over the thought.

You tried to chuckle but the exhaustion had you slumping against the table as you mumbled, “I feel like shit”.

Sam tensed next to you, “Maybe we should call a doctor. You know, I’m surprised Steve and Bucky aren’t down here right now looking after you, do they even know how bad you’re feeling today?”

“Wait, they’re both here?” Rafael asked Sam but he ignored him, his focus solely on you.

Once again you’re too tired to think of an answer and shrug your shoulders, turning your head to look up at Rafael, “I think the fairies like me too much”.

“Fairies?”, Sam questions thinking that you’d become delirious.

You smile genuinely to Sam, reaching to tap his shoulder, “Inside joke Sam, keep up”.

There was no further discussion of fairies as more hacking coughs ripped through you. It took a couple of moments and Sam rushed to get you a glass of water before you slumped back against the table in exhaustion.

“Why don’t you have the soup and then see how you’re feeling later? Maybe the rest is all you need”, Rafael suggested, filling the silence with his voice.

You couldn’t see it but Sam gave his employee a scathing look, “Rest is all she’s been doing. I’m calling the doc and then I’m going upstairs to tell Steve and Bucky”.

“Aren’t they busy?” Rafael continued to question Sam. “I’ve heard they’ve got that deal coming up from Italy and France, they might appreciate it if you wait a little bit before calling Doctors”.

Sam’s voice was quiet and stern but you were too tired to notice. “That’s not common knowledge, how do you know that?”.

Massaging your temples with the pounding thuds that hadn’t stopped since your coughing fit, you decided that Rafael was right, usually sleep made you feel better. Reaching for the soup one more, you opened the container as you addressed your bodyguard, “he’s right Sam. I just need today for all the work stuff to be over and then I’ll call the doctor. The boys don’t need any distractions, especially today, one more day isn’t going to kill me”.

Sam didn’t look happy as you began to idly sip on the thick, delicious soup. As you thanked Rafael for the meal, Sam finally looked back to him, his frown deep and unmoving as he asked, “Don’t you have work to do?”

Rafael’s spine straightened, “Oh yeah, right. Sorry, sir” and with that, he left to return to work.

“You don’t have to be so bossy you know, he’s just trying to help”, you tried to reason with Sam.

However, your friend ignored you and moved to hold your hand to pull your attention away from the meal and towards him. “I’m giving you until the evening, wait no- if you get any worse before the evening, I am calling the Doc, no arguments, understand?”

“Yes sir”, you say with a little salute.

Finishing your soup, your boyfriends finally came downstairs and you attempted to straighten your posture and plaster a fake smile on your face. Bucky paused in the entryway, sniffing the air and asking, “What’s that smell, I know it's from somewhere but can’t put my finger on it”.

“Is it my soup?” you say, trying to stand up and act like the floor was spinning beneath you.

“No, it’s not that”, he pondered, still looking around and trying to smell whatever he recognised but couldn’t pick it up again. Steve and Bucky both walked past you, kissing the back of your head as you casually explained that you were going to lie down for a little bit. “Wait, let me come with you-”, Bucky started but you held out your hand to stop him.

“You’ve got a busy time at work and I’ve got Sammy boy here anyway so you two continue with your work and we’ll have a nice evening in, Ok?”

“Yes Ma’am”, he mutters before continuing to make his lunch. It wasn’t often that he listened to your instructions but both men were so busy and overwhelmed with work and the consequences that could come from it all that they were all over the place.

The next hour passed by slowly and you didn’t manage to sleep even for a moment because your symptoms were making you feel so awful. You were wheezing so bad that each breath felt like you were suffocating, your eyes began to roll with how much the room was spinning and a violent tremble rocked through your entire body, you didn’t feel right, something was wrong and it was beginning to scare you.

“Sam?” your voice was nothing more than a rasping whisper but he still was able to hear you from where he had been on the phone with the doctor from across the room, having noticed your deterioration in health. He was kneeling by your side in a couple of broad steps, the phone balancing between his cheek and shoulder as he rested a hand on your temple, feeling your spiked temperature. “I don’t feel good”, you admitted, voice full of terror before more coughs ruptured through your chest, leaving you struggling to breathe.

“Steve! Bucky get down here right now!”

“No… no, I just need to sleep”, the fear had disappeared from your voice as you wished for the exhaustion to take you completely, hoping that in sleep you wouldn't feel the pain destroying your insides.

“Hey! No!  Don’t go t sleep, need you to stay awake for me, Doctor Banner is on his way but you can’t go to sleep”, Sam urgently tapped your face, rousing you from the sleep as Bucky had all but jumped down the entire flight of stairs at the shouting.

“What’s going on- What the fuck? Doll?” he replaced where Sam was so that he could continue to explain to the doctor what was happening.

“I’m just not feeling ok, it’s fine Bucky go back to work”, you were somewhat delirious, still not really opening your eyes but leaning into the coldness from Bucky’s hand as he cupped your face. Bucky looked to Sam for answers, his eyes bright and alert with fury and worry.

When Sam shrugged his shoulders, not having any answer as to why you were suddenly so unwell, Bucky quickly turned back to you and assessed your deteriorating health and noticed just how laboured your breathing had become. As he spoke, it was with surprising gentleness but still held authority, “I need you to take a deep breath for me, honey, I want you to try and fill your lungs with air”.

“I’m trying, it’s just seasonal illness, it’ll be ok”.

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asks, not letting go of your face but just moving in closer.

“It’s just seasonal”, your words began to slur as you became incoherent.

Steve finally descended the stairs with just as much purpose as Bucky as he demanded to know what was going on but Bucky couldn’t answer him as he continued to talk to you and keep you awake. “It’s not seasonal, you’re not breathing properly, it’s not-”. Bucky was leaning so close that he was able to smell your breath and he froze, it looked like he now wasn’t even breathing.

“What is it Bucky?” Steve demanded, kneeling next to him and reaching over to take your hand but also feel your pulse, which only made his own increase with worry.

Bucky leans closer and smells your mouth again, so close that you tried to move away as his nose nudged your lips. “What did you eat?” Bucky asked in a tone that forced your eyes to open with concern.

“Huh? Um just my soup”, you say whilst blinking quickly as he still wouldn’t come into focus.

“Soup? Where is it? Where’s the container?” before you could answer, he was on his feet and running into the kitchen as Steve continued to demand answers from his boyfriend, his hand now moving from your wrist to directly over your heart, continuing to count the beats.

Bucky cursed so violently that it actually made you shrink into the cushions but the movement only made you cough more and chest tighten as you struggled to breathe. He returned to the room, his face a deathly white and green shade as he uttered just one word: “Hemlock”.

There was just one brief second where not a body in the room breathed or even moved, one single second to process the poison that Bucky had spoken, the planet that he only knew about because of his time as the Winter Soldier and using it on his target. The poison that he could now smell on your breath, that originated from your container of soup.

It was Sam to speak first, Sam to snap the two men out of their frozen states as he gave the orders from Doctor Banner who had heard the word over the phone. “We need to get her to a hospital right now”.

Steve picked you up, and his entire body began to tremble with adrenaline and fear as no one even stopped to properly dress for the snow outside, only putting their shoes on before rushing to the car. Sam thankfully was able to use the adrenaline to remain headstrong as he climbed into the driver’s side of the car so that Steve and Bucky could both hold you in the back seats and try and keep you awake.

You were lying with your head in Steve’s lap with your body lying across Bucky’s as they clamped their arms around you as makeshift seatbelts. You had heard the word that Bucky had said and even though you knew what it was, you didn’t want to believe it, even as you continued to feel worse. “It’s not poison, it’s just soup”.

However, those words triggered something within your throat and once more you were coughing so hard that you thought you were going to vomit and cringed as metallic warmth filled your mouth and leaked out of the corner of your lips.

You slumped onto Steve and Bucky, head lulling back but Steve was quick to grab your face, tapping it and forcing you to stay awake, “Baby don’t go to sleep! Please stay awake for me! Stay with us, we’ll be at the hospital soon, I promise”.

You were scared, even though you were half-conscious, you were terrified now realising the severity of the situation, knowing that you were coughing up blood which was now soaking the front of Steve’s shirt and hearing how panicked your boyfriends were only made it worse. Through all the scary, dangerous times in your life, they always remained calm and in control but now they were both frantic and frightened. 

As all three men continued to plead with you to stay awake, you forced yourself to open your eyes, only allowing yourself the luxury of blinking occasionally as you kept looking into Steve’s ocean-blue eyes. With his body and face so close to yours, you used him to ground you in the situation, trying to copy his breathing which had slowed since you’d opened your eyes; ignoring the pain from the breaths and resisting the urges to cough even though blood continued to fill your mouth.

“Am I going to die?” you whisper, not being able to ignore the questions now in the back of your mind anymore.

Steve’s breath hitched for a second before he tried to confidently whisper, “No, you’re not going to die”.

You didn’t believe him, especially as the trip to the hospital was delayed by the snow, every second feeling like it could be your worse, you didn’t want it to end like this.

“I love you.”

“You’re going to be ok, just keep looking at Steve, keep breathing”, Bucky pleaded, squeezing your freezing cold hand.

“Please, just say it back”, your voice was hardly audible anymore as your mouth was so full of blood.

“Stop talking and save your energy for when you’re feeling better”, Bucky tried to keep his composure but you knew he was close to snapping.

Your breaths were wet and laboured, wheezing so violently it rattled and echoed around the car but you still managed to plead, “Say it back-”.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me, baby”. Steve snapped first, his eyes were wide, fearful and yet beautiful with how stark the blue was as his eyes filled with tears, leaking down his cheek and into his beard.

You were thankful, for both of them, for everything and you wish you could have told them, wishing that you could have heard Bucky’s own declaration of love and adoration for you but the pounding of your heartbeat became so loud in your head that you couldn’t hear anything anymore.

But you continued to hold on, never once looking away from those pretty eyes of Steve’s as Sam finally screeched to a halt outside of the hospital. Once more, Steve carried you and there was a flurry of people in different coloured scrubs suddenly surrounding you as you were placed onto a cold bed.

One moment you were staring into Steve’s eyes and the next you were looking up at a stranger and the comfort you’d once felt, the thing that was grounding you to life was now gone and you couldn’t find him again, no matter how much you moved on the bed, even as the strangers poked and prodded at your body until you couldn’t deal with it anymore and finally closed your eyes.

Do you ever have those naps where you wake up and forget where you are, or what time or day it is? That was currently how you felt except the added sensation of floating encompassed your body as well. The only sort of normality felt throughout your body was a cool feminine hand stroking across your temple in a soothing, repetitive manner.

Your toes wiggled firstly and then your eyes behind your eyelids and even though you knew who was stroking your forehead, you still croakily asked, “Steve? Bucky?”

“It’s just me Sugar” Natasha sounded calm and peaceful as her fingers didn’t stop with their soothing motions. “The boys are going to be so pissed that you’re awake before they’ve got back”.

You huff and dared to open your eyes, grunting at the brightness of the room but thankfully your eyes adjusted and only one, still, Natasha smiled down at you. Seeing that you weren’t going to vomit or freak out, Natasha sat back in her chair, moving to hold onto your hand to give you some comfort. “You gave us a real scare”.

You thought back to everything that happened, some of it was a blur but most of it still played through your mind like a horror movie that you couldn’t look away from or escape. “Was I really poisoned?”

There was one thing that you appreciated about Natasha and that was her blunt honesty, not one to ever sugarcoat her words, “You were”.

“But… But how? I mean… the soup, Rafael, he wouldn’t-”. You stopped yourself talking, trying to envision all the interactions you’d had with him but only one thing repeated through your thoughts: Don’t trust anyone. That was one of the first rules Steve had taught you. “I don’t understand why? He seemed so nice to me, is his name even Rafael? Was everything a lie?”

“That’s what they’re just finding out. Apparently, the friend of a friend rouse was made up including his credentials, usually, our background checks are very thorough but he had some help to slip through the cracks”.

“Do you know what help he had? Who it was, I mean?”

Natasha for once seemed to think before she spoke which unnerved you, knowing that whoever’s name she spoke next wouldn’t be good news.

The monitor displaying your heartbeat began to beep as it increased with the dread that was settling through your body.

“All signs are currently pointing to Pierce”.

Your eyes closed as you tried to remember how to breathe. You knew about Alexander Pierce. Everyone did. He was ruthless and had plenty of finances and power to pay for his success but not only this, he had been one of the top employees of Hydra and usually in charge of the Winter Soldier. So yes, you all knew a lot about Alexander Pierce and his name was one to send fear through any of those involved in the Rogers mafia, even Steve.

As you opened your eyes again to look at Natasha, you could tell she wanted to tell you more but was holding the information to not panic you further but you needed to know. “Please just tell me whatever it is you’re not telling me”.

“We think he paid this guy to come and spy on Steve and Bbucky and it seems he put his sights on you. Specifically.. Because you’re their biggest weakness and it seemed like everyone knows that”.

Your face warmed with fear and anger, as fear prickled the corner of your eyes, “So what, now I’m not even safe in my own home?”

“That’s not-” Tasha began to lean forward in her seat but another voice cut her off.

“No, you weren’t safe in your own home”. Steve stood at your hospital room door, dressed casually in a black shirt and jeans, looking nothing out of the ordinary but his face was wrath of calm and anger. Your eyes snapped from him to Bucky who had looked just as serious but as your eyes connected with his, the hard lines of his face smoothed out into a weak smile.

The two of them step into the room as Natasha stands, informing everyone that she’d give us some space and guard the door.

You’re trying desperately to keep the tears at bay, to keep them from slipping and cascading down your cheeks, not wanting your boyfriends to feel any more guilt but as you took a deep breath in, a sob erupts through you and you can’t keep the emotions back anymore.

You attempted to hide your face with your hands, even with the added difficulty of having tubes and wires attached to the backs of your hands and the tips of your fingers. The realities of everything that had happened began to destroy any hope that you had. You’d nearly died, in your own home where you were supposed to be most safe.

Steve and Bucky sat on either side of your hospital bed, moving silently as they always did and with careful ease, gently took a hand each and pried them away from your face, stroking away any tears that continued to escape.

“I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know… It’s a lot”, you tried to give reason for your crying, even though it was unnecessary. Bucky tilted your face towards him, his voice was so soft and caring that it nearly made you sob with how careful he was being with you, “Don’t apologise for crying, I tell you this all the time, Doll”.

You offered him a wet giggle, taking a few deep breaths before rambling on with your anxiety, “I bet I look like a right mess right now, I don’t even know how long I’ve been asleep for”.

They let you calm yourself down before Steve praises with his low captivating voice, “You always look beautiful, no matter how much snot is on your face”. He smiles as he manages to make you laugh before he turned serious, “It’s been 5 days, baby”.

Your face drops, “5… I’ve been asleep for 5 days?!”

“You passed out when we arrived and when they could finally stop the bleeding you-”

“Bleeding?” you questioned, remembering you were bleeding from the mouth but it didn’t seem like that much.

“The poison you’d ingested that day was a higher dose and caused internal bleeding. After they were able to stabilise you, they needed to detox you from the poison and make sure your body was healing so it was safe to keep you asleep”.

You tried to process everything that Steve had told you, it felt confusing for you to have been through so much and yet feel such little pain in your body.

As if reading your mind, Bucky once again captivated your attention as he asked, “How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“No I’m not in any pain but I feel wrong like my body is floating in the water or something”.

“That might be due to the medications that they’ve got you on, they’re pretty strong Sweetheart”, his pet name helped to calm your disorientated mind, clinging on to the familiarity and focusing on the way both of their hands were holding yours and stroking tiny circles in your skin,

“Did you get the answers you wanted, from Rafael, or whatever his name is”.

Steve and Bucky shared a glance between each other but Steve decided to be the one to answer. “We got the answers, it was as Nat was explaining. Pierce wanted someone in the gang, spying and getting as close to us as possible and I guess they somehow managed to weasel their way in and tried to succeed with their plan to hit our weak spot”.

You took a deep breath to try and reduce the rising anxiety in the pit of your stomach before asking tentatively, “So what happens now? With Pierce I mean.”

“That’s a problem for another time, just need you to get better first”, Bucky interjected, lifting your hand to kiss the few fingers that were attached with clips or wires.

You tried to smile at him, wanting him to know how much you appreciate him but the feeling never met your eyes and this seemed to twist something in Steve and Bucky. Both of their demeanours changed, no longer were you looking at just your boyfriends but also the mafia boss and his second in command, mixing business with family.

Bucky began talking first, tone strong and husky, “This isn’t something we are taking likely. Sam’s already spent the last day and a half revisiting everyone’s past, making sure there are no other moles that have slipped through the cracks. No new faces are allowed anywhere near our home or you.”

As he spoke, you managed sure to nod your head and try to squeeze his hand in understanding. Steve shifted in his chair, capturing your attention as he continued the discussion. “You are safe and you should have been safe but we let you down, you were vulnerable when we weren’t there to protect you like we promised we would. We let you down, we broke our promise, we could understand if you didn’t want-”.

“Whatever you’re about to say you better forget about it right now”, you say sternly, heartbeat beginning to race on the monitor again as Steve’s mouth shut quickly with a snap. “The idea of being your weakness has always frightened me but, I could also be your greatest strength. I mean - Look at what you’ve been going just to protect the house, to protect me. I know you feel like you’ve let me down but I don’t feel let down in any way. Yes, of course, what’s happened is scary, especially in our home but I doubt it’ll ever happen again. They can try and tear us apart, they can try, but they won’t break us, they can’t break us. We have to remain on top ok? I always feel safe and trusted when I’,m with you both so please, don’t ever feel like I'm not because I am. I’ll always love you both, I’m not going anywhere”.

You sucked in air greedily after your short speech, the building emotions spilling freely everything you truly believed to the men beside you, not wishing for them to ever feel doubt for the relationship or how you felt.

Looking between them both, your heart sank as you noticed Bucky quickly wipe the corner of his eye. “I thought you said no more tears”, you spoke softly whilst trying to wipe away a stray tear.

“That’s before you decided to swoon me with your speech”, he quipped back, the light returning to his eyes once more as you laughed.

“I love you Bucky”.

“I love you, Doll”, standing from his chair, his metal hand stroked over the side of your face as he captured your lips with his, lingering for a few beautiful seconds before sitting back down.

Steve had lifted your hand during your speech and was kissing your palm and you reached out to stroke his beard, “I love you, Steve”.

He too stood, just as Bucky had but he kissed your forehead first, breathing you in for a moment before doing the same against your lips. “I love you too, so much baby”.

As Steve sat back down, your eyes began to feel heavy, all of the strong emotions exhausted you completely. “Will you both be here when I wake up? Not that I’m complaining about Natasha but she doesn’t spoon me like you both do”.

They both chuckle under their breath before Steve promises, “We aren’t going anywhere, sleep, Sweetheart”.

[jrooc]

✨Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Hi hi! Welcome to your local Tag Game. I’m your friendly neighbourhood host, Jess, and today we’re talking fandom. Come play!

Name and A03 handle: Jess, JR_ooc

Current Location: In my kitchen, in my running gear despite having not yet gone for a run 'cause I just remembered I was doing the tag game

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

I don't have a favourite but this one is new? Why do I choose questions I can't answer 😂

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

Two toned hair.

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Unsurprising my sportsAU: In My Veins Like Lightning

Why is it your favourite? I just love the story and the boys I wrote and so many of their angsty and sweet moments.

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? Both? Some parts came quickly, a lot of the scenes just came to me. But there were some sticky parts I struggled hard with.

Last ao3 fic you commented on? Darkness comes before the Dawn by @ian-galagher @creepkinginc and @transmurderbug and @crossmydna's Locking Down the Locksmith -- both amazing.

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? Things Beyond Mistake -- I am still heartbroken over a year after reading it. What an amazing story I would give my left arm to have finished. We miss you Grayola.

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? Cocky!Mickey and Tough!Ian. Love when they fall into bed right away and catch feelings after.

Least favourite? I'll read it all but don't love when Mickey after one interaction is all in. Where's the tension! Where's his tough/untrusting side? Also the slow slow slow burns make me insane... not that that stops me.

Secret or surprising kink or trope? A/B/O and really unique AU's like Maintenance or The Circus

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? Like I drank some warm tea. Like things have clicked into place for a moment in time.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: I'm lucky to have a few but @bawlbrayker always helps with a beta and a kind word or helps me choose when I'm stuck between options. Special mention to @runawaybrainsc @gallapiech and @blue-disco-lights who have been clutch and hugely supportive.

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Pour a glass of wine, play snails in the discord chat and read some angst with a happy ending or the latest fic club discussion pick.

If you were mentioned, you're tagged! Rest of the tags below the cut:

@deedala @energievie @spookygingerr @michellemisfit @celestialmickey

@mybrainismelted @tanktopgallavich @mickeysgaymom @such-a-barbarian @crestfallercanyon

@rereadanon @too-schoolforcool @roryonic @lee-ow @stocious

@transsexual-dandelions @transmickey @sgtmickeyslaughter @rayrayor @solitarycreaturesthey

@ms-moonlight-inn @whatthebodygraspsnot @suzy-queued @callivich @francesrose3

@doshiart @guinguin1984 @look-i-love-u @spoonfulstar @the-rat-wins

@thepupperino @gallavichgeek @andthatisnotfake @burninface @batty4steddie

@mmmichyyy @pookiebearmick @palepinkgoat @heymrspatel @deathclassic

@wehangout @gallawitchxx @gallavichsuperfan

Lmao I hit my tagging limit so if you see this pls know you’re tagged 😆

[pencildragons]

ty for tagging me tessa @clayvedevs !!!!!!!!!

1. Do you make your bed?

NO. making the bed is evil and also too hard

2. Favourite number?

uhhh UHHHH 12 ? 12 is a good number i liked being twelve. 67 is also a good number !!

3. What's your job?

divine prophet of The Bog (extremely unemployed)

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

yes !!!! i lovee school i lovee learning & my hs? extremely chill

5. Can you parallel park?

yes fire emoji fire emoji fire emoji

6. Do you think aliens are real?

I feel like the possibility that there AREN'T aliens is extraordinarily low, even if they haven't evolved yet or would be completely unrecognisable as a form of life to us. the universe is still comparatively so so young so i feel the chances that at some point in the next quadzillion years that the circumstances of earth won't be replicated at least in part is hugely unlikely

7. Can you drive a manual car?

technically? i learnt to drive in a manual ute that is ABSOLUTELY not roadworthy but i did not get a manual licence :( sort of regret that but im sure if i got back in a manual i could do it again. probably

8. Guilty pleasure?

thinking in depth and forever abt my girl in middle earth oc hobbit fic that i havent properly written since like 2021. she means the WORLD to me i could make it sooo good if i just got over the evil puritans in my head telling me it is cringe

9. Tattoos?

soon!!! one day!!!! trust and believe!!!!!!!

10. Favourite colour?

loveeeeee yellow i love yellow so much soo much. unfortunately i am ginger.

11. Favourite type of music?

idk if i have a favourite TYPE of music persay? but ive sort of been bouncing between a mix of folk rock and Silly Power Metal and i will hit up the odd soundtrack also. wait actually this is untrue i am, embarrassingly, really into hyperpop (UNDERSCORES I LOVE YOU)

12. Do you like puzzles?

yeah! they're kind of evil and i am not great at pattern recognition and they hurt my back. but also v satisfying to do

13. Any phobias?

ants i fucking hate ants i HATE them (i stood in a bullant nest when i was 2) + also maybe thalassophobia? idk though that may have also been cured by the time i played 130 hours of subnautica in a week in december

14. Favourite childhood sport?

touch footie!!! i was very good at it lowk and i miss playing it terribly

15. Do you talk to yourself?

LMAO YEAH. when im thinking about writing especially. or doing literally anything. i will talk to myself

16. Tea or coffee?

TEA I LOVE TEA I LOVE TEA SO MUCH. i cannot drink coffee because The Side Effects + caffeine does not seem to have the intended effect on me, so i don't really drink caffeinated tea that much either? i absolutely LOVE rooibos with honey in it though one million out of ten

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

i wanted to be a scientist because i was under the impression that scientists blew things up and that it was exclusively their job to do that. i still want to be a scientist tbh but for different reasons

18. What movies do you adore?

im so normal and regular and fine about the hobbit extended edition trilogy. so normal. no but fr i love unexpected journey i have watched it more than twenty times total and. five times in the last week and a bit LOL

Tagging:

@sithfox @hastalavistabyebye @patchmates @rockcattomato and anyone else who would like to !!!!

[alocon]

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be [4] - Max Verstappen

written by alocon

Note: Name and Part One based on the song A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be by Jess Benko

Summary: Things seem oh so familiar between you and Max when you cook together, and it makes you realise that you are so so screwed (as if every driver except Max can't already tell that you both have at least SOME remaining feelings)

Before you read: Part social media chapter, possible use of y/n (I've already forgotten if I do in this chapter but I do in a few parts of this series)

fc: Blanca Soler

[Previous Part Here][The Masterlist]

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be [Part Four] - MV¹

instagram

youruser

liked by maxverstappen1 and others

youruser: A series of very very unfortunate events

tagged: mickschumacher, estebanocon, lance_stroll

-view all comments-

maxverstappen1: What the fuck happened?

youruser: "Let Mick cook in your house" they said. "It will be fun" they said.

maxverstappen1: Ft. my girl at the end (can I have my cats back yet please?)

youruser: Sure, hurry up and come get them maxverstappen1: On my way! danielricciardo: He's only ever uses !! or anything other than dry texting if it's autocorrects fault *liked by creator* youruser: real

user1: Mick, Esteban, Y/N and Lance was a group I didn't know I needed until now.

mickschumacher: Why those photos? And why was I targeted more here?

youruser: Your fault, you face the consequences mickschumacher: fair one

estebanocon: Does the house still smell of burning?

youruser: YES A BIT I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET RID OF IT!! youruser: I AM SUFFERING estebanocon: LMAO youruser: ESTIE THIS IS NOT FUNNY

user2: I love how dramatic she's being over how bad the smell of the burning food is

lance_stroll: She is not being dramatic. It was awful. youruser: REAL, IT WAS SO BAD, EVEN JIMMY AND SASSY RAN AWAY user2: Max's cats are over? Is he too??? 😏 youruser: Sleepover with my two besties

georgerussell63: Oh god what did he do

youruser: So so much. He ruined my favourite pan :(

lance_stroll: Today was fun

youruser: It was, we should do it again (over someone else's house next time) estebanocon: Over mine maybe?? mickschumacher: Yesss

----

You got out your phone when you got a notification, chuckling as you realised that you never changed Max's contact name in your phone after the break up. Not that it mattered - most of your communication happened on Instagram or in person after your break up. You quickly removed the silly little heart emojis you had put there before reading the messages.

Maxie: Hey you, have you still got the same number?

You: Yessir I do indeed

Maxie: Great, how are my babies?

You: Great! Currently asleep together on my bed

You: Little angels

Maxie: Awwe. I'll be over in 15 to get them, thank you for the emergency babysitting

Max: So glad they're calm with someone 🙄🙄

You: Max, I'm always the favourite, know your place

You: Okay, I'm making dinner for tonight, come over whenever. Boys aren't here yet btw

Maxie: What are you making?

You: Lasagne

Maxie: Same recipe as always?

You: Ofc, ofc

Maxie: Awesome!!

You: Alright hurry up

Maxie: Yes ma'am

----

"So," Max started as he made himself comfortable, having immediately started sitting on your kitchen counter once he entered your house. "They've not been too bad, no?"

You continued to chop the carrots as you shook your head. "They've been absolute treasures. As usual."

"Hm." He shrugged, sipping the drink you made him. "They're never treasures for me."

"Maybe I'm the favourite."

He chuckled sarcastically to that. "You wish."

You looked him straight in the eyes, smiling sweetly before dropping it to a monotone look. “Are you gonna make yourself useful or are you just going to continue to sit there looking pretty?”

“You think I’m pretty?”

You looked at him, watching the soft smile appear on his lips. You grinned, not missing a beat before replying, “The prettiest princess of them all.”

“Oh fuck you,” he responded, groaning and sipping more wine. He then placed his glass back on the counter before getting down. “What can I help with?”

“Can you start cooking the meat?” You asked, and he nodded, not even hesitating to question you, having seen you make this recipe many times before. You both began to cook together.

As you stood side by side in the kitchen, the familiarity of your movements was unmistakable. The way you  effortlessly passed each other ingredients, the unspoken communication as you both worked in sync - it was as if no time had passed since you and Max had last cooked together.

The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of ingredients hitting the hot pan, and the fragrant aroma of your ex’s favourite dish filled the air, evoking memories of the countless meals you had prepared together in the past. The only thing that was different was the fact that the soft music which used to be in the background to stop the silence was replaced with chatter and laughter from the other room.

As you chopped, stirred and seasoned, the pair of you found yourselves slipping into easy conversation, reminiscing about the times that they had spent in the kitchen together. Laughter and occasional shared jokes filled the space, creating an atmosphere of warmth and companionship which made it clear to both of you that your bond had not diminished with the end of your relationship. 

The fact that he remembered your culinary habits made it easy to fall back into the old rhythm, ensuring that you didn’t get into each other’s ways. He still acted the same whilst cooking too, placing his hand on the small of your back when he moved behind you to keep you from bumping into him, high fiving you when he remembered a step without you having to remind him, him double and triple checking that he set the timer. It all felt so… familiar.

Everyone loved your food, especially Lewis, who claimed you had just made him the best vegan lasagne he had ever tried. That cheered you up a lot. The evening was going great. You, Max, Charles, Lando, Lewis, George, and Daniel all ended the evening by playing some games, going between Mario Kart, Fifa, GTA and other video games, to board games. 

“Oh fuck you,” Max said as he landed on one of Daniel’s properties, Bond Street, which had a hotel on.

“Shh, you’ll wake the kids.”

Max looked at you weird when you said that until he noticed the two cats who had fallen asleep on your lap. “Sorry.”

It wasn’t long after that that you realised that, maybe monopoly was getting a little too heated, so you all retired to your respective bedrooms for the night, as they were all sleeping over. You were happy that these sleepover nights with the boys were becoming a more regular thing. You used to do it when you and Max were still together with you, Max, Daniel and Charles in the apartment you had together at the time. You would, obviously, both use your bedroom and Daniel and Charles would share. Times were very different now, though. 

You laid in bed for hours, attempting so desperately to sleep, but it didn’t work. No matter how hard you tried, you really couldn’t sleep. So you gave up. You sat reading for a bit before heading downstairs to grab a drink. Walking into the kitchen, you were surprised to see an oh-so-familiar man. He looked at you, noticing the look in your eyes and simply picking up the vodka he brought, pouring two glasses and sitting on the floor, tapping the space beside him. You joined him. 

He took a sip of his drink before speaking. “You look tired,” he observed. His Monegasque accent was a lot stronger when he was tired and not sober. He watched you lean your head back against the cabinet door after drinking some of the vodka in your glass. “Not sleeping well again?”

You shook your head, chuckling softly. “When do I ever?”

Charles took note of the slightly pained look on your face, stress evident in your eyes. He was silent for a few moments, before finally speaking again. “Is it about Max?”

You nodded, arms falling onto your lap as you felt a fluffy presence make himself very comfortable on your lap. “Hey little one,” you said, looking at Jimmy, who was clearly very comfortable. “Everything we do is reminding me. Everything. Every single time I look at him, every time he hugs me goodbye or smiles at me, or hell, even just looks at me. I feel like it’s killing me. It just... I don’t know. My therapist is on holiday for the next couple of weeks and I think the fact that I won’t be able to talk about this with them makes it worse and I can’t talk to anyone except you, because no-one except you knows and it’s just...” You tried to find the words to describe what you were thinking.

“Shit?” He suggested. 

“Shit.” You agreed, drinking more of your vodka, sniffling softly as you let go of your emotions. 

“Have you thought about telling him?”

You shrugged. “I want to, it’s just never a good time to get emotional. I feel weird being so open with him, you know? Like I know I need to tell him, I really do, but it’s so fucking difficult.”

You heard someone clear his throat in the doorway, head snapping around to see Lando. “Bad time? I can come back. Sorry, I just wanted to get some water quickly.”

“No no, we were finishing our conversation and Charles was about to head up to bed, right Charles?” You asked, noticing how hard he had been trying not to yawn.

“Yes.” He gave you a hug, leaning to your ear to whisper “try and get some sleep, we will continue this when you’re sober, alright?” You nodded, standing up as he left.

The kitchen was silent whilst Lando filled his cup with water. He turned, noticing your red eyes. His voice was soft when he finally spoke, comforting. “Have you been crying?”

You quickly ran your hand over your face, downing the rest of your vodka. “I’m fine, Lan. Don’t you worry about me.”

“Okay. I don’t believe you but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by pushing it.” He leant in to give you a soft hug, before pulling away. “I hope you end up being able to tell this mystery guy whatever you need to tell him. I’m here if you ever need me.”

“Thank you, Lan,” you responded softly, placing a friendly kiss on his forehead before you left the room, returning to your bedroom and finally managing to get some sleep.

The morning came quickly and you were awoken by laughter downstairs. Sitting up, you took a moment to run your hand through your hair before getting up and going to shower, after which you headed downstairs.

“She lives,” Daniel sarcastically stated, grinning at you as you walked into the room.

“Good morning, Daniel. I'm going to get a drink,” you responded, walking straight past the group and into the kitchen, grabbing a monster from the fridge and opening it. 

“Only a few months with your new team and you're already being a traitor, I see.” 

You turned to look at Max, who was smiling softly as you stared at him, drinking the monster without breaking your eye contact. He chuckled, rolling his eyes dramatically at you. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah, I slept great.” You were lying, of course, but he didn't need to know that. He would question it if you told the truth. “How about you?”

“I slept alright. Didn't fall asleep until like 3 hours after we went upstairs,” he replied, sipping his (shock horror) redbull.

You both continued to make friendly small talk for a little while. “Hey, Max. Do you think I could talk to you about something?” You asked, a little quieter than you had been speaking.

“Of course. You look serious, what is it?”

“Well,” you were quickly cut off by Daniel, who leaned his head around the doorway. 

“We're playing Fifa, are you two joining?”

You looked at Max. Max turned to Daniel. “Yeah just give us a moment and we'll be out, we're both quickly going to grab breakfast.” Daniel nodded before retreating. Max looked at you. “As you were saying?”

You shrugged. “It's nothing important. It can wait. Let's just get our food and go play fifa.”

He placed his hand on your upper arm, causing you to look into his eyes. He started speaking softly, lovingly, in Dutch. “Schat, if you want to, we can talk now. You look stressed and talking about how you feel is so much more important to me than Fifa.”

You felt your breath hitch, a spark of warmth where his finger laid on your arms. You looked at him, watching the way his eyes travelled your face, almost as if he was committing how you looked this close to memory. His eyes were dilated, and he had an expression on his face that you couldn't quite read. “Max.” Your voice was soft, almost breathless. “It's fine, seriously. It can wait.” You smiled, a genuine smile, causing him to nod, before smiling and retreating to the living room. Fuck.

-Word Count: 2.1k-

Hi All!! Another part done, hope you're all well and having a good day. I finished writing this at work this morning. As always, if you wish to be on the taglist let me know. I'm still trying to work out how to properly do a taglist as I am relatively new to using Tumblr but I'll work it out hahah. Have a lovely day xx Alocon

Taglist (pls work): @c-losur3 @itsjustkhaos @reidsworld

[randomyuu]

so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness) [2/4]

Before you continue:

This is a fan comic of a GoYuu fic. I highly suggest you read the fic first, or just the fic, since I don’t think I was properly able to adapt it into drawings.

Title: so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness)

Author: qalb_al_louz

It’s ongoing, and as of this drawing, the fic is in its third chapter. While this is (sexually) SFW, always be mindful of the tags! Please keep yourself safe and sound.

Please read from right to left, and enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Fun fact: That bridge scene with Nue and Totality is the second last drawing to be finished. I deeply dislike the perspective and the bridge took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to search on Google Map lol

If this bridge is portrayed well in the anime, well... um. I still haven't finished Season 1, just so you know haha

Anyway, unexpectedly, I have lots of fun drawing the characters! Sure, some perspectives and angles are annoying to draw, but I found all of them fun to draw! Especially those adorned in black. I don't have to worry so much about the lines lmao

But of course, the best character to draw would be Gojou, both head and (later) his eldritch form. That little spotlight stealer. I love drawing his eyes and hair a bit too much haha

In second place, is our sunshine Yuuji! It's kinda weird talking about him when his spotlight would be in the next parts but haha lemme gush about how much fun I try to draw his eyes! His are extremely tricky. The thickness and the angle of the lines can really change his overall expression. It was a challenge, but one I enjoyed!

Third place for the characters I enjoy drawing would be Megumi and Mei-Mei, in a tie! Mostly because I love drawing Megumi's hair and Mei-Mei's eyes (part 3), but also because their outfits are just pure black lmao them designs help my hand a lot

Now, my least enjoyable draw would be the corpses in a later part. Too many limbs and blood and I can only use pure black to draw. Not fun at all. 0/10

The second least would be... Nanami. I'm so sorry. His outfit is pure white, and I suck at suits. Also his sunglasses(?) are unexpectedly really tricky. He's the character that constantly required me to pull up Google for images. His full body character sheet that I made was not enough at all lmao I still really enjoy pages of him without his glasses though!

Ok no third least favourite to draw because it's long already and you probably should head to another part or do your own thing.

[vintagelacerosette]

Tag game 🎀

I was tagged by these opalescent starlights ✨️

Evie @energievie Deanna @deedala Jacyln @crossmydna

Ling @lingy910y Face @burninface Melodie @sirrudo

Ice @spookygingerr Pie @gallapiech Molly @deathclassic

Laurel @lupeloto Jessica @guinguin1984 Georgia @iansw0rld

When is yours? 31st of July

Where were you born? Stralia 🇦🇺

How do you feel about your legal name? Are you using it online and/or IRL? I like my name but hate the spelling bc it's not spelt how you pronounce it. Online I went with my nickname to keep privacy. but I realise that's a bit of a down fall bc that's the part that's not spelt right lol. I like my name tho Shermyn said as Shermain. So Myn should be said like Main! Many I times I'll be correcting anyone that meets me but, I think spelling is unique & I kinda think looks nice

How about your sign? Do you feel it "fits"? I am a Leo & our traits are supposedly: exudes warmth and creativity, a little bit vain, really big personality, wants to stand out & interested in luxury, Which I can see I do fit that hehe I love being creative & I'll admit I'd ask if we can take a photo again bc I don't like how I look in that angle 🫣

What's your earliest memory related to your birthday? I remember having a birthday at Mcdonald's where we had the whole party package! There was Maccas party crowns & I had my kindy friends come.

I remember having a magician dressed up as a wizard & doing the scarf trick & at the end of it it was a pair of pink undies & he played horrified why they were there lol. Also we played pass the parcel & I passed it slowly bc I wanted the prize lmao

What's one of the best gifts you've ever received? It happened recently! One of my bestie gave me a diamond painting of Gallavich of their prison kiss after their mutual "I love you"! It was the best & it was my first gallavich gift!!! 🥰 I'll post when I finish & I wanna custom more diamond paintings like some of the fanart I've done!!! 🩷

How about one of the best you've given yourself? Shameless plug but commissioning art from the ever talented Alice @darthvaders-wife it was my first time & I wanted to do something special for my birthday while being in this awesome fandom! her commissions are open now!!!

What's your favourite cake flavour? Like my dearest Molly I like a good red velvet

How about your favourite flowers? Lily of the valley & cherry/peach blossoms

Have you ever thrown a birthday party? If yes, tell us about your favourite one. I loved this one I held it at this cool activity function had had a range of activities like floor piano, shooting hoops, spelling scramble with huge cubes. I got my girlfriends to dress all in pink & then we had pizza. They also surprised me with these beautiful blue platform heels! I was not expecting that at all!! 🥰

What's the ultimate birthday song?

All that's coming in my mind is Birthday by Katy & it's a bop tho

And last but not least, pick a celebrity with whom you share your birthday. Oh cool B. J. Novak who was Ryan in The Office

I'll tag these dazzling sweerhearts if they wanna play 💖

@suzy-queued @celestialmickey @look-i-love-u @stocious

@wehangout @ofalltheginjoints @darthvaders-wife

@heymrspatel @svltburn @michellemisfit @ian-galagher

@doshiart @mickittotheman @sleepyfacetoughguy

@kiinard @bekkachaos @mikhailoisbaby @jademickian

@darlingian @takeyourpillsbitchh @gallavichgeek

@creepkinginc @rereadanon @gallawitchxx @samantitheos

@sickness-health-all-that-shit @7x10mickey

@mmmichyyy @flamingbluepanda @sam-loves-seb

@blue-disco-lights @ms-moonlight-inn @pookiebearmick

[callmehere-iwillappear]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

this has been sitting in my drafts for probably months and i actually don't remember who tagged me at this point sorry </3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

168,724

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently just rise but i've had some other fandoms i've written for in the past

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me here (i will appear) Use Only For Intended Purpose The Idiot's Guide to Blindfold Chess new phone who dis because i fear i'm lost (and i cannot be found again) wow big surprise(/s) all of these are rise al;jfldksjfkd

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but uh </3 i am not very good at it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm. probably waiting for answers, wasting time bc even if u know the comfort and healing comes there very much isn't any in the fic itself so whoops </3 i am not good at hurt/no comfort so i don't. have a lot of fics that would really qualify

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uuhhhhh ig fibonacci? most of my fics have relatively happy endings and. this is the one with the least angst overall so

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not alfjdlkjfkdls

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

imma keep it real with you chief most of the crossovers that i've written are with other people's aus and idk if that counts

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of fingers crossed

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeesssss? sorta? it's not like, on ao3 but i've done some collab crossover stuff with friends (see aforementioned crossover question)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

god idk. i don't do a lot of shipping these days sorry </3 i have some ships i think are cute but i'm not like, into them enough to say they really qualify

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i want to finish idiot's guide and cmh very very badly and i refuse to jinx it. idk abt npwd solely because of like the type of fic it is, idk if it'll ever be finished finished yk. like there'll always be more little scenes i can do

16. What are your writing strengths?

um. i've been told i'm good at character voice

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

sweats nervously

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it? i probably wouldn't unless it was like, just a couple words - i don't mind too much when other ppl do it bc i have a translation extension on my laptop but i don't have many options when i'm on my phone

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who........ i was like. god idek. fifteen? maybe younger i straight up don't remember <- also none of this is on ao3 this was like, back in my ff.net days and i don't think i even remember my login lmao

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmm hm hm. okay. probably because i fear i'm lost. just bc like... idk i'm proud of how it turned out and i'm really . idk. happy with the reception it got. i'm happy it reached people who can relate to it. and it's short enough that there's not like, enough space for there to be parts where i just have to force myself to write stuff i'm not 100% happy with to fill in the gaps. if that makes sense

tagging: You

[lovejosephquinn]

This is a requested sequel to my first angst imagine: Your First And Last Fight ◀ Read Part 1.

Tags: @chickennug90 @mybffjoe @sweet-villain @aysheashea @ali-r3n

(I'm sorry lmao, I got extremely carried away and 3.4k words later, it's finished. Enjoy the drama lovelies!)

Part 2.

It had been a whole month since you and Joe had parted ways that unforgettable night, regrettably that was the last time you'd seen him when you left him sobbing on the ground. You'd moped around both at home and work, not putting your all into anything, the memory of the whole event just repeating in your mind over and over again. Of course, he'd still tried messaging you in the first couple of weeks but that died down the more you ignored, you just simply couldn't move on from the hurtful words or painful gestures; even just the thought of his ex-girlfriend made you want to hurl your organs out of your mouth, it'd clearly broken your heart.

You'd got no plans this weekend, other than to lay in your own filth and watch a string of senseless romantic comedies, a thing you tended to hate to love right now. Your phone buzzed at the side of you, glancing down it was your best friend calling, putting your device up to your ear you took a deep breath in and put your brave voice on.

"Hey girl, you alright?"

"Yes, just wondering if you were, haven't heard from you in days and was making sure that you're still living."

"Just had a lot on my plate, you know this." The brave voice slowly disappearing.

"Well, I hate to drop this on you." She purely didn't hate to do anything. "But we're going out tonight and you can't say no, you need to let your hair down and forget that idiot for one night at least." The idiot comment was her insinuating Joe in a rather nice tone, just due to the fact she was holding in her rage for what he did and the other reason that was she just didn't want to give you any ammunition to decline.

"I don't know honey, I'm nowhere near the stages of getting ready."

"I'll be round in half an hour, and we'll get you looking hot."

She gave you no room to get a word in, hung up the phone and you scoffed, throwing your phone down to your feet where you laid and rubbed your hands over your face. Looks like you're going out tonight.

Your best friend did just as she said she would, you felt good about yourself for the first time in a while, the drinks you'd shared and the shots you knocked back at your flat gave you your initial new happier and confident feeling. She'd suggested your favourite nightclub whilst you got ready, it only took the name of it to prick up your ears and grab your attention; you were ready for tonight.

The booming of the music got closer as you got to the doors of the club and you could've jumped up and down like an excited child, you were ready to drink yourself silly, sing and dance with your main girl like a loon. You'd worry about the inevitable depression hangover tomorrow. The first point of call was tequila shots, the second was the buy one get one free offer on any cocktail of your choice from the menu, the thing with cocktails is that you don't feel it at first and then the next thing you know you're on the floor.

Little did you know that you were instantly sighted by Joe's best friend, he'd obviously had the same idea in taking him out whilst he had some free time to make him feel better also and it oh so happened that you were in the same place on the same damn night. Your friend dragged you to the dancefloor once you'd got your beverages. Your guilty pleasure Taylor Swift hit the speakers and the relatable lyrics of I knew you were trouble filled the entirety of your lungs, you sang your heart out to the song, feeling every moment of it.

Joe's best friend had done his best to keep him well away from seeing you but being at least 3 metres away from each other probably didn't help when he heard your friend yell your name laughing at the way you were dramatically yelling the song, she filmed the memory well and truly, your hand to your heart as you held your drink into the air, intentionally meaning every word. Joe whipped his head round to find you immediately, his chest was puffing in and out, heart ached excruciatingly, his lungs were in pain not able to get a proper breath out, his body had become stone, not moving his stance whilst he watched you with tears heavily filling his eyelids.

Not more than a moment later, he felt a sudden mild burst of anger hit him when he saw a guy attempting to dance behind you then leaning over to speak in your ear. Interrupting your dancing, you laughed it off and shook your head at the guy who'd asked you if he could buy you a drink. The male wouldn't leave well enough alone and wouldn't take no for an answer, you tried ignoring him to see if it'd make him give up, it didn't work.

The guy grabbed you by your waist and pulled you into him, trying to convince you further to let him do as he'd originally asked, his intentions clear as you felt that of a vulgar press of his crotch against your stomach. You gagged in his face on his purpose, you weren't out looking for a hook up and he knew that it just pursued his want further for you.

Joe was foaming at the mouth and the moment he heard you shout at him to fuck off was the moment Joe moved at a deadly pace through the few people between you and jumped the guy to the ground, punching him square in the jaw. You couldn't believe your eyes; you didn't want to believe what you were seeing was real. Joe had been positioned to the floor now, being dragged forcefully whilst the male took a swing at his face, a small circle forming in the middle of the dancefloor, egging them both on further. You yelled out Joe's name telling them both to stop, your instant reaction was to try and tear them apart, but Joe's best friend heaved for your arm bringing you back as the security guards dragged them to their feet by the scruffs of their neck.

The two heavily built men caught sight of your fearful face and asked what had happened, you pointed out at the stranger "He started it, he wouldn't leave me alone and my friend came into help me." Friend. You may as well had called him a stranger too, that might have made the suffering of the word easier. Calling him that almost felt good, a moment of succession for you in a way. You said it clear enough for Joe to hear you, a dagger to his heart just as it had been to you when he'd named you his close friend to her.

They let Joe go and took the other guy out of the club, warning him not to bother trying to get back in. Then there it was, you and Joe face to face properly after the first time in a month, the longest most torturing month of both your lives. Joe rubbed his hand under his nose where he bled slightly from, the darkness in his eyes from the rage of the moment was now returning to his soft brown stature. You heaved your chest, staring back at him, ignoring everything and everyone in your path as you walked away in a huff.

You sat on the ledge in the busy smoking area, pulling a cigarette to your lips and lighting it, puffing as hard as your lungs could bare. Your best friend gave Joe an earful but slowly calmed down when she declared for him to go out and attempt to talk to you, that was if you'd listen. You noticed the top of Joe's untamed curls emerging out of the double doors and at once you turned to the side, moving your head and whole body to the opposite side of the door; he still spotted you though hunched up on the ledge by yourself. Joe plucked up the courage to sit down next to you, leaning down slightly cupping his hands together between his spread thighs. All but silence between the two of you at first until he spoke up.

"Y/N, are you going to give me a chance to at least make my peace with you? I-"

You cut him off, swinging around to meet his gaze, almost crashing into his arm, you'd underestimated how close he already was sat next to you. "A chance to make peace? Are you fucking kidding me?" The question was almost laughable.

"I gathered you meant what you said about never speaking again when you ignored my calls and messages, but I can't just leave it where it ended, it's not in me to do that at all."

"I'm pretty sure it was in you when you outright called me a close friend to your ex, proceeded to tell me to stop being a bitch and basically caught her mouth with yours. Was all that an accident to? Or are you still blind to her bullshit." Joe furrowed his brows at you, his head internally screaming. Yes, he knew it was all his fault.

"I'm terrified of her Y/N. I said it because deep down I clearly knew her aim at the time and I just-"

A girl interrupted the two of yours now becoming heated debate, she looked really excited as she stared down at Joe. You looked up as she spoke out. "Oh my god, are you Joseph Quinn?" Joe put his best poker face on, his profession coming into full force as he pulled a toothy grin at the girl. "Yes, hi." She screeched at his answer. You folded your arms watching the two of them speak, not quite jealous but this wasn't the time for this to be happening. The girl looked at you "would you mind taking a photo of us please?" You squeezed your eyes shut and then put a fake smile onto the both of them, standing up to take her phone and took the photo she so solely desired in that moment. She thanked you both, hugging Joe and left, you both sat back in your original positions facing one another.

"As I was saying, you backed down to her like a submissive puppy. You're 28 years old, do you not think acting like you probably did as a teenager is a bit much?" Joe was highly defeated by your statement; he was at a loss for words.

"That's what I thought."

Yet another duo of fans stood before him, intruding once more. He didn't want to seem like a bad person, typical Joe, so he took his attention to them. You clearly weren't getting any further and you'd had enough of it all for one night, sure you still loved him with all your heart and that's what didn't help the situation, you wanted to forgive him and believe that it was a mistake, but Joe's lack of actions proved otherwise.

You got up and left him with the girls, not turning back and finding your friend with Joe's talking at a table. "I'm going to get a taxi home; I really just want to go to sleep and forget this whole night." Your best friend hugged you. "Do you want me to come with?"

"No stop out, I just want to be alone, I'll text you once I'm back." You exchanged your goodbyes giving all but a subtle wave and smile to Joe's friend before you left the club. You walked to the taxi rank, waiting for a vehicle to pull up to take you back to your safe place when you heard an unpleasant and familiar voice shout you from across the street.

"Aw hi Y/N." You looked around to meet the redhead, looking smug and highly unattractive in her body language. His. Fucking. Ex. Really? Could this night get any worse?

You slowly blinked at her, no response to her unwelcomed greeting at all. "What's up with you, you still bitter about last month?"

You snorted a laugh in her face. "How dare you even think you're worth a breath from my lungs, you silly cow." You pushed her slightly, squaring right up into her face; you weren't willing to take another word from the girl and she was shaken, probably down to the fact that any girl that she had been out to ruin with Joe never stood up to her. "A lowlife, disgusting little slut like you should've been taught a lesson a long time ago." You slapped her clean across her cheek and watched her grimace at the sting it caused. A small, fulfilled smile creeping onto your face. Joe had quickly caught up behind you, stopping in his tracks, watching as you struck her, he also noticed how she didn't hit you back. He made the effort to drag himself over, watching you eye each other back and forth like a pair ready to go to war.

Your eyes flitted over to Joe and so did hers, putting her best whiny voice on. "Oh my god Joe, she attacked me, she's an absolute psychopath, did you see it? Did you?"

Joe said nothing, eyeing between you both, proving your point again quite rightly, that was until she tried to embrace him into a hug, and he harshly shoved her away from him. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I've given you the benefit of the doubt maybe a couple of times in my life but then you just took it next level, I've always been afraid to be myself around you. Until now. I don't want anything more to do with you, you've ruined my life for the last time." He spoke his home truth like it had been a speech he'd been practicing for weeks. Your mouth gaped open; you couldn't believe what you'd just heard.

She did nothing but huff at Joe and turned back to you. "You'll leave if you know what's good for you." you stated before she could get a word in. "Is that a threat?" she barked nervous laughter, her confidence clearly belittled but still trying to remain intact. "It's a promise." Joe interrupted your final face off.

"She changed you Joe, you used to be so, so-"

"So, your little bitch? maybe. But this is the last time you'll put a foot in my relationship, do you not realise every time I got a girlfriend or even as much as looked at anyone other than you, you'd break it up without even a second thought, I've let you get away with it for 13 years too long, I should've cut you off the moment we broke up." He turned to you, "that's why I referred to you the way I did that night Y/N, purely because I wasn't blind to her intentions anymore." You looked to the ground, almost humiliated by your thoughts.

"So that's it, you cut me out completely?" she raised her voice at Joe, and he nodded vigorously back at her. "I might not get Y/N back from this, but at least she'll know that I got you out of my life for good, you're an absolute headache now get out of my sight."

She stomped her foot to the ground, nothing clearly more to be said and walked away as she should of long before. You took a glance at a proud Joe, and you must admit you were somewhat also elated for him for finally standing up for himself even if it was almost little too late for it. You turned and walked the other way.

"Y/N, where are you going?"

"Home." you shouted back. You took a curtsy at Joe and applauded. "Well done for being all done with her and shit but I don't know if that's enough for me to forgive you anymore."

Joe sped up his feet to grab your arm, swinging you round to look at him. "Do you still love me?"

"Joe."

His hands gripped into your arms now, holding you in place. "Do you still love me Y/N?"

Tears filled your eyes hard as they fell once you blinked, your lips trembled but you didn't try to escape his grasp, his touch was all too familiar and wonderful, you'd missed it.

With a sigh you admitted. "Yes."

"Then one last kiss, goodbye. Please, I know I'm not in a position to beg you for anything, but I need to feel it one last time." He was right, you owed him nothing, but you couldn't stop your feet from raising onto your tiptoes, holding onto his forearms for support as you leaned in to kiss him, it was short and forceful but desperate as your emotions clearly played on it.

You broke the kiss, watching as Joe's tears mirrored yours. "I love you too. I'm so sorry for everything I did and everything she did too. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for not speaking my mind sooner. I'm sorry for ruining what we had in a few words, I'm sorry for giving her the ammunition to break what we had. Most of all, I'm sorry that we have to say goodbye." You couldn't deny his apologies were nothing short of admirable, he'd owned up to everything in one breath.

Your already broken heart could not fathom anymore pain that it already held. You were crazy for your next action, your arms finding the back of his neck as you pulled him back into a needy, open-mouthed kiss. His greedy hands pushed at the bottom of your back to keep you as close as he possibly could. If this truly was the last time, you'd feel one another then you'd make it something to remember.

You were by no means a pushover, but your thoughts overtook you whilst you shared the mutual enjoyment of the kiss, you wondered if giving him a last chance wasn't completely off the table. Your parents had taught you in your life to forgive but not forget until it was absolutely necessary too. You were in no state of mind to get over this man in a hurry and it seemed he wasn't either.

Your mouths parted, but you remained in position, your foreheads pressing together, out of breath from the heated smooch. "Y/N- I" you took a hand from his neck and placed it onto his lips, stopping him from saying another word until you had finished yours. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, it will take a lot of time and effort but if you're willing, there's a last chance being offered to you here and now. Take it or leave it, I just love you so much and I can't stand not having you around, even if it is as your 'close friend'."

Yet another stab at his heart as you brought up his once spoken words again, but he understood. He slowly nodded at you, removing your hand to see a small smile forming against his swollen pink lips. "I will do anything for that chance, my love. I can't lose you."

He pecked at your lips for the third time. "You've got a lot of work to do, Quinn." You edged a smile back to him.

"I've already started." He gestured his head backward to the place you were stood earlier with his ex-girlfriend, he let go of you and lifted you off your feet, carrying you in his arms.

"What are you doing?" you chuckled.

His eyes shut for a second, taking in the warmth of your voice.

"Giving you no reason to doubt me, yours or mine?"

"Yours." you arched the top of your head to rest in the crook of his neck as you held onto him. Your first and last fight truly ending.

[meraki-yao]

So RWRB is basically part of my identity now, I can't remember how many times I've seen the movie, and I'm on a constant quest of getting my friends to watch it too. And it's working!

But the thing is, my own younger sister, who's my literal best friend, the closest person to me, hasn't.

Her only exposure to the movie is coming in to my room on premiere night when I was watching it for the first time and tagging along for like ten minutes then leaving, coming into my room when I'm watching clips and watching along for a bit until I give her attention (she's like a cat) and hearing/seeing me very passionately rambling about it either on social media or out loud

She's not interested in romance like, at all, so this isn't her cup of tea, and I'm not gonna force her to watch something she's not interested in.

However out of curiosity, I asked how much she knows/remembers about rwrb from what little exposure she had. She started rattling off points that made me laugh deliriously, then asked if she could type it down.

So here's rwrb according to my sister, who has never finished the movie, nor read the book (she literally typed the list below herself which is why it's in first person)

enjoy! :D

henry's a prince and alex is fsotus

they met before once but it did not go well?

Henry and Alex see each other at a wedding and a big ass cake falls over

they pretend to be friends cuz PR

they text and/or email each other a lot

there's a children's hospital??? and they cram into a room???

there's a dog called David

turkeys in alex's room cuz thanksgiving

also sth sth insomnia

ok not a plot point but i rlly like how them texting was presented

henry's dad is an actor and he's dead

henry has a sister, she's nice

i rmb the name zara but i forgot what she specifically does (I'm so sorry)

new year's party. dramatic eye contact.

'oh I'm not going to sing karaoke' 'BURNING THROUGH THE SKYYYY YEA, 200 DEGREES THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME MR FAHRENHEIT, I'M TRAVELLING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHTTTTTTT, I'LL MAKE A SUPERSONIC MAN OUT OF YOU'

the room with red wallpapers and alexander hamilton, 'the book is very bookish', f in chat for security lady

henry walks out of the closet literally

there's this grey(?) room with a white marble statue and it was very emotional???

henry's a sad boi

i think they fucked or sth

also there was a lake?

the emails get leaked on reddit by this reporter dude (who i think Alex knows before???) during the election

alex gives a speech

alex's mom wins the election

henry wore a yellow tie or sth because texas???

a pride parade outside the palace???

at least in the movie they go to a house or sth

deleted scene but they were next to a campfire and henry was talking and sad and alex was listening

ok Meraki back hope you enjoyed that lmao

if you have a favourite out of this list or have any message you want to tell my sister about the movie leave them in the notes lol she kinda wants to know what yall think of her recall

[thehollowwriter]

The Official Bio of Finn Clearcove (OLD)

(Art by the lovely @/twisted-wonderland-but-gayer)

Basic Info:

Class: Class C

Dorm: Octavinelle

Club: Gargoyle Research Club

Birthday: 20th November

Age: 17

Height: 146cm

Dominant hand: He's ambidextrous :)

Preferences:

Favourite subject: Art

Hobby: Painting

Likes: Butterflies, reading, music, cooking, painting animals

Dislikes: Large crowds, loud people, showing his teeth, loud sounds, bright lights

Favourite food: Chocolate mousse, shrimp

Least favourite food: Chicken

Special skills: Butchering Curses, painting

Additional Info:

Homeland: The Coral Sea

Species: Cookie Cutter Shark Mer

Family: His father (he's a butcher)

Nickname: Blue Angel, courtesy of Floyd (thank you @azulashengrottospiano for the name!)

Appearance:

Finn is verg frail looking. He's incredibly thin and pale and very very small.

His eyes are aquamarine.

His hair is seaweed green with aquamarine streaks running though it

His teeth are sharp, but not as... pretty looking as the tweels. They look like a mutated, twisted version of their teeth.

In his mer form Finn is even smaller and his skin is seafoam green and his scales, fins and tail are are seaweed green with haphazard turquoise patches. He's bioluminescent due to a type of shrimp he eats.

Personality:

Finn is a very quiet, introverted person who keeps to himself most of the time. He's very respectful for the most part, but can be pretty vicious of he's annoyed with you.

He's incredibly intelligent and knows how to use his innocent appearance to his advantage when needed, and often weeds information out of people for Azul. Think of that bar tender in movies you pour your feelings out to but EvilTM.

He's overstimulsted easily, so when he works at Mostro Lounge he's allowed to wear earphones or noise cancelling headphones.

One additional note: he's head over heels for Jade Leech lmao

......................................

A/N: I hope everyone likes my boy! I'm sorry if his personality section is a bit lackluster, I don't know how to put it into words

Tagging: @officialdaydreamer00 @azulashengrottospiano @minteasketches @jaylleoo14 @whspermy-name @the-banana-0verlord @linawritestwst @honey-milk-depresso @krenenbaker @oya-oya-okay my other moots, followers and others!

Feel free to make art of him, just tag me!

[ankahikoibaat]

Twenty Fanfic Writer Questions

tagged by: @reconstructwriter tagging: EVERYONE no but seriously okay @heatherfield @lowkeyed1 @littleblackraincloudofcourse @firstelevens @peterbenjaminparkour @bizzybee429 @cypresssunn @thesecondbatgirl @mid-nighttiger @noneedforbloodpressure @brachiosaurus-on @monjustmon @thegreencarousel and anyone else (i don't remember if i've ever done this before.)

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?  about to be 230 on Thursday! (what up, plan on hitting 250 before the end of the year.)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?  466,023 words!

3. What fandoms do you write for?  ....too many. whatever hits my fancy when it comes to the whumptober prompts but main focuses are Pride And Prejudice, Willow, DC, Star Wars and The Vampire Diaries.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? screaming at the cold, say the words as such, our hearts are hungry, this is where the heart lies and going up against it all. the fact that all of these are Star Wars fics and four out of the five are from NTCM. pls.

5. Do you respond to comments?  yes! I've set aside one day a week - Wednesdays - to respond to comments (and then a fic chapter or oneshot goes up on Thursdays.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?  so there are actually a few that end angstily, some not on AO3 (I-F, I miss you.) but I've transferred at least one of those over here too so - Humari Adhuri Kahaani and Woh Miley The for them. and then love is not a victory march (ColdAtom I love you.).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?  oh! most have happy endings? so? i won't list them all. i am particular to the ones where i have Palpatine explode. that's always fun.

8. Do you get hate on fics?  not on fic though i have gotten comments that have made me go "you could have just not said anything". some people nitpicking the way i chose to write characters - in both the Star Wars and Pride And Prejudice fandoms.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?  so i challenged myself to do this a few years ago and i've written a bit but not much? i prefer writing around it for the most part.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?  none here but Haule Haule my beloved nonsense.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?  YES! it was a couple of Primeval one-shots.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?  way back when i was writing on ff.net @bhavvyyy and i started a fic that we never completed lmao.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?  ....... okay look, for the most part i'm a multishipper but Swanfire and PremHeer my beloveds.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?  i will finish the TVD fic some day - but the time travel Star Wars fic i haven't posted anywhere is one i hope to finish but i haven't touched it in literal years.

16. What are your writing strengths?  i think i do well at bringing out emotions. i've made enough people yell at me for it!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? keeping to a plot. outlining. finishing a draft of my novel.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?  absolutely done it will do it again i used to write fic for a Hindi serial and did full on dialogue in Hindi.

19. First fandom you wrote for? i think it was Charmed to be honest. it's been almost 20 years...

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?  this is liking choosing a favorite child (except in this case the fics won't yell in my ear for not choosing them but STILL). so i will turn the table on you and let me know which is your favourite of my fics you've read.

[greetings-inferiors]

I know it’s a weird ask but I really want to be able to fight Sora’s friends. I’d love in kh4 to have a limitcut type thing but with Riku, kairi, Donald, goofy, Roxas, etc. I just think it’d be really cool.

1.) Riku. I want the fully evolved form of the destiny islands Riku fight, have him have a dumb ass counter that he spams ever five seconds.

2.) Kairi. Let the girl rip and tear she deserves it. Her reckless teleporting to her keyblade noctis style is also sick as hell I’d love to fight it instead of alongside or as it.

3.) Donald and Goofy. Tag team. Donald zoning out Sora while goofy pressured him, and goofy protecting Donald while he charges up a massive spell. It’d be really cool.

4.) Roxas. The kh2 Roxas fight is one of my favourite in the series and I just want to see how they’ve both progressed.

5.) Axel. Okay so this is the main reason I’m making this post - I want to fight axel, it’s CRIMINAL that he doesn’t have his own theme yet. Every other character on here does, yet he’s stuck with sharing the 13th struggle. Why. Also him stance changing between his chakrams and his keyblade and the fire arena would be sick.

6.) Xion. Any excuse to hear vector to the heavens I’ll take. Also she has one of the best fights in all of kh3 so I want to fight her AGAIN. It’d be so cool if she dons her armour from days and becomes a giant fuckoff gundam as part of her dm too lmao

7.) Terra. We kinda got this in remind but it was terranort so I don’t count it. Also I think the lexaeus boss fight in kh2 is so cool and this is the closest we could ever get to it happening again lol

8.) Ventus. I just really want to see them fight. He’s so quick too I think it’d be Yozora and Xion levels of dancing with your opponent.

9.) Aqua. I want to not be able to make out her or Sora underneath the sheer mass of projectiles she’d release. I need her fight to be a bullet hell. Also she deserves to let off some steam after being trapped in hell for a decade.

10.) Naminé. Dear god please give her something to do. She’s literally done nothing since 2005. Kh3 forgot her so bad they had to make up a scene just to justify putting her on the boxart. I know that she technically has no offensive prowess since her only power is being able to change the memories of people related to Sora specifically, but please oh please just give her something else. Have her become a keyblade wielder. Have Donald teach her magic. Actually that’d be sick as hell, have the witch be incredibly strong at magic without needing a keyblade like everyone and their grandmother. Just please do something with her.

11.) Mickey. Let me beat up Michael. Let him go all out. See who deserves the title of king.

Extras:

Have “hard mode”s where you have Riku and Kairi, Mickey Donald and goofy, Roxas Axel and Xion, and Terra Ventus and Aqua pairing up. Who’d Naminé pair up with? Nomura knows.

Have Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie grouped up as a fight and it’s literally just them ripped straight from 7 rebirth to its synergy skills and everything.

Yozora rematch? Idk it might be too soon.

I would say to have union cross characters as fights but that’ll probably happen in kh4 anyway. At the very least the lost masters for sure.

[darlingian]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY

Hello! In honour of @energievie 's birthday we are doing a birthday theme! thanks to her, @michellemisfit , @deedala , and @vintagelacerosette for the tags!

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When is yours? boxing day 📦

Where were you born? In the next province over! And it was funny because I actually delivered a baby in that hospital 30 years later completely unexpectedly.

How do you feel about your legal name? Are you using it online and/or IRL? I hate it. It's never felt like mine. It truly makes me uncomfortable when people use it. I mostly go by Chani which I do like more, but I definitely don't love it. I've considered changing my name even since I was small, but that also makes me feel weird.

How about your sign? Do you feel it "fits"? I'm a Capricorn but I've literally never read a horoscope that fit me. That's part of why I'd like my chart read someday. Maybe someone could explain why I feel that way!

What's your earliest memory related to your birthday? It was my 3rd birthday and I vividly remember opening The 1995 Fisher Price Little People farm set. Which I kept LONG after I'd technically outgrown the toy. I also remember there being smarties(the Canadian candy) as polka dots on a chocolate cake.

What's one of the best gifts you've ever received? When I was little I only had one cousin. Her and I were like siblings. Our grandma had bought us each a ty beanie buddy bear for Christmas and mine was a cranberry coloured bear with a green ribbon around his neck that I immediately named "Cranberry Bear" (good imagination lil me). Well that same day my little sister who was probably around 3 decided it was HER bear. And essentially the whole family tried to gaslight me into believing that it had always been my sisters. Because my sister was a very hard kid to deal with and she was prone to all day destructive tantrums I guess they figured this was easier. And when I wouldn't give up on the fact it was mine I was told "you have enough toys." Anyways, my best friend knew that story and happens to love researching vintage toys. (she has a great Polly pocket collection.) A couple years ago she gave me cranberry bear for my birthday. In pristine condition and as soft as the day someone bought him. And he's mine. I cried a lot. hahaha

How about one of the best you've given yourself? I'm supposed to say my children or something I think. lol

What's your favourite cake flavour? I actually unabashedly love funfetti cake. But also red velvet. I'll buy red velvet if it's available every time.

How about your favourite flowers? Forget-me-nots or Lily of the Valley.

Have your ever thrown a birthday party? If yes, tell us about your favourite one. I've thrown my kids a combined 14 birthday parties. Plus 3 or so parties for my ex-wife. I really loved my eldest's 7th birthday party which was "Witchy" themed. Her birthday is mid November so I bought so much great Halloween decor for it after Halloween had passed and everything was super duper discounted.

What's the ultimate birthday song? I like the Stevie wonder one?

And last but not least, pick a celebrity with whom you share your birthday. I share my birthday with Jared Leto and Chairman Mao. Soooo apparently it's an evil day to be born. lmao.

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tagging @heymrspatel @too-schoolforcool @sgtmickeyslaughter @gardenerian @celestialmickey

@jrooc @sam-loves-seb @iansw0rld @crossmydna @mybrainismelted

@mmmichyyy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @catgrassplantdad @thepupperino @gallawitchxx

@blue-disco-lights @creepkinginc

[sunthyme]

BABE, WAKE UP! PART FOUR'S OUT! Anyways, thank y'all so much for the support!! Every time I read y'all's tags and comments, I tear up istg y'all are so sweet. Have some photos of my kitten as a treat.

Onto...

🏵️Scarabia🏵️

So I believe they have the least amount of members out of all my headcanoned dorms so if y'all can think of some more villains for me to twst, I'd be more than happy to toss them in here lmao.

🦦Kalim Al-Asim🦦

omg they have an otter emoji cute!!

(he/him) Transmasc - Panromantic Asexual

My baby boy is so precious omggg

- I really didn't change a lot from the og design tbh, I love him. I did give him rounder and bigger eye for that cute puppy-eyed look.

- Stuck some freckles on him and gave him a tooth gap for max cutie patootie status. Oh, and some scars from previous assassination attempts.

- I'm really partial to Kalim and Ruggie or Kalim and Silver personally (or both, Kaiplim does have two hands for a reason) but I see them as a little friend group regardless and he LOVES spoiling them.

- Ruggie at first befriended him for the money aspect but eventually grew to like being around Kalim anyways. Silver just likes to listen to Kalim talk. Was also his first friend outside of Diasomnia.

- Kalim has ADHD and dyslexia, making it super hard for him to concentrate in class so Ruggie helps him study for tests (Kalim always bring food along with so it's mutually beneficial lmao). Because of this, people end up thinking he's dumb but he's super intelligent, he just can't concentrate easily. Crewel lets him have different fidgets in class as long as he doesn't accidentally disrupt his potion-making with them.

- Kalim's also highly empathetic and view himself as a support to all (maybe I am a Kalim kin too, fuck). He loves to listen to other and help out. God, he's such a cutie omg. Also has really good memory in specific about remembering who tells him what.

God I love Kalim so much, the cutie patootie. Still on Book 4 so I don't know ALL of the shit that happens yet but y'know it's gonna make me cry.

Next is

🐍Jamil Viper🐍

(he/it) Agender - Gay Demi-romantic Asexual

If I didn't think I changed a lot about Kalim, I changed practically nothing about Jamil lol.

- Biggest change was giving him a much redder skin tone. Not only is it closer to Jafar's, I felt it would look really nice with his general colour palette.

- Made his face a bit more angular and 'snake-like', plus some fangs but you can't see them lmao. Dimples because every time this man actually smiles, a new angel is born istg.

- I love him and Azul as a dynamic because it's two really emotionally constipated people dancing around each with a fun amount of delulu on Azul's part, let's be honest. Lowkey could be toxic or healing, who knows?

- He purposefully cooks too much some times as an excuse to give some away. I see him slides over an extra thing of food to Azul at some point as a sort of 'repayment' for like give him the homework or something. (Azul loves his cooking but wouldn't say that to his face for a hundred dollars lol).

- He and Trey cook together and Trey is like the only other person Jamil trusts in the kitchen with him. Trey teaches Jamil his family's baking recipes and in turn, Jamil share his cultural recipes. Trey 🤝 Jamil solidarity.

- Hella competitive streak which means Azul and Floyd find it incredibly easy to push his buttons.

- I know this is a lot of AshenViper but I love them lol. Azul tries to flirt with Jamil subtly like in the mer fashion of penguin-pebbling but Jamil is obviously unaware of the custom so he doesn't get it. (He does keep all the little shiny things, though over his dead body would he tell Azul that.)

Enough about my two favourite dumbasses... now for my ocs!

🌅Dareen Irfan🌅

Third Year - (she/her) Nonbinary - Sapphic Asexual

God, this is just the dorm for asexuals, huh?

- Dareen is twisted from the Cave of Wonders! I could not for the life of me tell what kind of cat it was so she's kinds ambiguous, especially since there's already another tiger.

- She is a very knowledgeable person and knows pretty much everyone. If you need information about someone you wanna ask out, she's your girl. She love playing matchmaker but respects when someone is not reciprocating and helps the rejected party move on.

- She and Oki are friends and like to do tarot readings together. (She may or may not have a massive crush on her but refuses to say anything lol). Both are very interested in cultural practices and hang out a ton to talk about them. (God I love sapphics)

- She's actually also on the basketball team and she and Jamil get along pretty well. She's very fast on the courts and Oki attends all of her games.

Next is one of my favourite designs...

🌼Chunying Liu🌼

Third Year - (they/it/she) Genderfluid - Aromantic Bisexual

- Twisted from Shan Yu, from Mulan! I kept the greyer undertones in her skin which really makes her standout among the warmer ones lol.

- Kept the gold eyes, I love how piercing they look, and darker makeup. Turned the furs into little earring tassel things, idk just for fun.

- Definitely outdoorsy type, she loves to hike around a ton, bring some other classmen out with her. She comes from a hella cold climate so she's wearing shorts until it hits the negatives. Loves horseback riding too and her family has their own stables.

- Natural leader, I can see it being the captain of a sports team, maybe like cross-country or something. She and Leona are probably pretty similar in demeanour as captains, make of that what you will.

- Her and Rook do archery practise together and she actually gets along great with Epel, they bond over winter sports and whatnot.

Time for probably one of my favourites out of my ocs!

🐯Chanda Singh🐯

Second Year - (she/her) - Bisexual

God I love her sm.

- Twisted from Shere Khan from the Jungle Book, which I looked up and it takes place in India so she's Indian.

- I didn't want to give her solid orange hair so I settled for some streaks and I love how they look. Gave her a bindi, some thicker brows based on a Pinterest reference that I though was GORGEOUS, and some beautiful hazel eyes.

- She's also likes to be outside but more in the lazy cat way. She love to sunbathe and tends to be spotted around the greenhouse too. Chanda and Leona having cat solidarity lmaoooo. Though her behavior is solely because she's a cat and not depression lol.

- I dunno why but I think she's a totally history nerd, specifically fashion history. Ask her anything about the origins of corsets or sarees and she's go on a long rant about it. She loving drawing, namely fashion sketches and she and Vil work together whenever she makes some prototypes.

Finally!

🦜Nasira Haqq🦜

First Year (she/they) Unlabelled Gender - Bicurious?

- Twisted from Iago! She's so cute lol. I gave her dyed hair (and pronouns) and she's a freshman.

- Kinda takes after Jamil and enjoys cooking, one of the primary people that makes food for the parties. She and Kalim get along really well since they're both really social extraverts.

- She's loves flowers and tends to decorate the dorm with them, changing them out when there's an event coming up.

That's most of everything for Scarabia, I hope you enjoyed! Tyty once again and I love seeing y'all's tags omg!🩷🩷🩷

[rypnami]

20 Qs for fic writers

tysm for tagging @kaidynsarell ily pookie xox

How many works do you have on AO3? - 5! i do have a few privated but i don’t count them

What's your total AO3 word count? - uhhh good question. 7416. pretty low cos i mostly write oneshots lol

What fandoms do you write for? - hogwarts legacy and harry potter

Top five fics by kudos? - well, i only have 5. but in order: potions tutor, skipping stones, more than anything, always you, a weasley christmas

Do you respond to comments? - i try to but i’m shy. i do re-read and cherish every comment i get though!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - i haven’t actually posted an angsty ending i don’t think. i’ve written them though.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - more than anything will have the stupidest sappiest ending of all time i promise ❤️

Do you get hate on fics? - not directly but there was that confession sent to the confession blog that was very obviously about me. trans!leander still lives on regardless 🥰

Do you write smut? - from time to time. only published it once though (and i’m planning a part 2 ehehe)

Craziest crossover? - i’ve never done one i don’t think. i’d certainly like to someday.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? - mayyyybe? i really don’t think so, but i’ve been writing for a while so it’s possible some time a long time ago, but i highly doubt it.

Have you ever had a fic translated? - no, not many people read my work so it doesn’t feel necessary yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? - no but i would love to!

All time favourite ship? - PREWLOW mannnn anyone who’s been on this blog knows how obsessed i am with them. i rotate them constantly in my brain. i have like 400 aus of them going in my head at all times. my babies. they’re everything to me. leander needs more love

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - i’m sort of worried i won’t finish my current wips because i’m drifting in and out of the fandom. but i’m trying!

What are your writing strengths? - i really don’t know. i suppose i’m good at writing angst and fluff interchangeably :) spellbound definitely knows my angst habits lmao

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? - i enjoy it and probably should try writing it. most of my ocs are at least bilingual and i have a pretty high fluency in spanish so it would be a fun challenge.

First fandom you wrote in? - harry potter. although i removed it a long time ago when i was 15 i wrote a wlw hufflepuff x slytherin fic

Favourite fic you've written? - my knee-jerk reaction is to say more than anything because it’s very important to me, but honestly i have to say skipping stones. i had a fun time writing it and exploring sebastian (as much as i could in a oneshot anyway)

No twentieth question - i haven’t always had the easiest time in this fandom, and i know i’ve made mistakes, but i love all the people i’ve met through it and i cherish you all who are reading this. you’re wonderful. marry me xox

tags! (sorry if double tagged): @girl-named-matty @limonnitsa @blueraineshadows @plxnetn1ne @crushribbons anyone who wants to <3