#talk sparty with me

[weltonbmarsland]

The Photo (You Know The One)

This is a personal post. Very personal. Very waffling. And TMI. And deals with some mental health issues (and grief stuff and trans stuff and alcohol), so if you decide to read on, be forewarned. Apparently it's too big for tumblr's liking, so i'll have to post this part one then reblog that with part two added on. (seriously, tumblr, it's only just over 1500 words! just lemme post the stupid thing!)

I kept promising @fecklesheckleshacklesschmeckles that I'd try and explain eventually about how The Photo (you know the one) wrought its change upon me. And I got up early this morning and just started waffling and it became this. Apologies in advance! :)

I Have Issues

I'll try to get this background stuff out of the way quick as possible.

~ Alcohol Abuse Issues - see end of section for notes

~ Mental Health Issues - Introvert, social anxiety, chronically self-conscious, shy, past panic attacks, breakdowns in 1989 & 1997, lifelong cycles of depressive episodes, short manic episodes, and some generalised sort of... stasis.

~ Gender Issues - miserable late-childhood and adolescence through to young adulthood due to railing (angry fucking RAILING!!) at myself, at my femininity, at my body spectacularly failing to be the image in my head. Seriously started looking into medical transition in my late teens (we're still in the 1980s here, folks!) but got talked out of it by the gay man I was in a relationship with. Found some self acceptance in my 20s and managed to stop railing so hard at things I couldn't change / stop being quite so angry at myself all the time for soomit that wasn't even my fault. Found a wonderful bi man in my early 30s who completely accepts me (yay!)

~ Grief Issues - *takes a deep breath*

My only sister died in 1992, my closest sibling (brother, Alan) died in 2005, then between 2013 and 2019 we lost two more of my brothers and my brother-in-law (my sister's widower). I'm the youngest of 6 but there's only 2 of us left now.

There's also my best friend from childhood, one my closest fandom friends, others... To live is to grieve, right? There's no life (or love) without death, etc, etc. You have to accept it or you'll drown.

Our cat Eddy died the week before Xmas 2021 and just 20 days later, in the first week of 2022, we had to have my cat familiar, Sparty, put to sleep because his cancer had spread. All the human deaths I've absorbed and kept going from, but THIS was the death that made me weird.

During the days, while D was at work, I became -for the very first time in my life- the only living thing in the household. Even my potted umbrella tree (a present from my sister, it had ended up being in my life longer than my sister had), developed a fungal infection and died.

I developed some new neuroses. I started having to physically check the locks after D had left in the mornings. Check the knobs on the gas stove. When the first anniversary of Sparty's death rolled around, I wore his collar around my wrist for the day and slept that night with his ashes urn in the bed with me.

Are you guys keeping up with this list of misery okay? Because then... my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

March to May 2023, I spent a lot of time cleaning cleaning cleaning Mum & Dad's house while we all waited for a place in palliative care to come available. Some of those days were very fraught, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Mum died in the May. Dad tried living on his own for a bit but his health slid, too. By the September, my brother David and I started taking it in turns to spend 3-4 days at a time living with Dad, so that he'd never be on his own in the house. It was exhausting and unsustainable (would've been easier if we'd had a few other siblings around to help share the load!), but we did what had to be done.

Finally, at the start of February last year, Dad went into a care facility (initially just for 4 weeks of respite care, and to see if he liked the place; he's continued living there and is the most independent resident they have).

I could half-way breathe out again.

End-of-section Notes:

Q - Why do you abuse alcohol, Welton?

A - *refer above*

Part Two....

[obscureenthusiast]

WIP Ask Game

I got tagged by @frozenmemories1987 and it seemed like a lot of fun! For my own sake I'm gonna try to limit this to stuff that's like... ACTUALLY being/been worked on and not the several documents with a title and three sentences of concept (or things I started but now don't really intend to ever publish)

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs. (I don't have that many people to tag lol)

BBC Musketeers (Titled "Musketboys" in my WIPs folders)

something about heresy

Stargate SG-1 (Titled "Portaltown")

(telling you to say nothing before you even begin talking BRUH)

aahhh-SHUT UP-the fucking the look back thing the thing

oh my god it's about the slkdglkajdga bite bite bite

Sha're and Teal'c Party Time

Tell Me What You Want (What You Really Really Want)

shut up, man

Stargate Atlantis (Subtitled under "Portaltown" as "The Flappy Horsey Galaxy")

Beach Episode

we're gonna keep pretending we have dignity

The Sun's in My Heart…

Starz Spartacus (Titled "Greasy Gladiators")

Reaching in the Dark

Whole Wide World

(It's really funny that I only have normal type names for the Sparty WIPs considering my one published fic in that fandom was titled "Greasy Gladiators Gettin' Wet" for most of its life as a WIP)

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 92: Monday April 1, 2024 - "William & Huck's Women's Bracket"

In our house, we were primed to enjoy the women's tourney more than the men, once Sparty got bounced in the first weekend. The Women's bracket this year had all the star power and all the stories, including one homegrown wonder - William and Huck's bracket. Each year, I always enjoy bracket picking. When I was a kid, I reveled in the important job of running the pool for my Dad's work. I can't imagine I've missed a bracket since I can remember. For William, I started filling one out for him, and he can share in the Dog's bracket which follows the logic of Dogs win, Animals beat humans. Though once to the elite 8 this year I let William make the picks if they were both animals.

On this night, April 1, we enjoyed an unbelievable matchup between LSU and Iowa to go to the Final Four. If Iowa pulled out the Victory, the famed Fun bracket would end up with a perfect final four....and in front of the most televised women's event of all time, and most viewed ESPN basketball game ever, they pulled it out. A perfect bracket of two big chickens, a Husky, and a Wolf. The logic missed very few games, including one that was definitely a mistake pick. The tourney just got better and better, with each game setting a new record for viewership. It felt like all of American was tuning in and most had forgotten all about or cared far less about the mens tourney. At least thats true in our house this March. Iowa beat UConn while we celebrated my Dad's birthday and then lost to South Carolina who finished their undefeated back-to-back run. It was a classy quality product. William's bracket was pretty fine too. He'd end his perfect run with in the 99.9th percentile, ranked 617 overall in the world out of 4 million+ brackets. Pretty neat considering its a two year picking big chickens, and a dog that can't talk. We were only 90 points off from the championship - if only we hadn't taken the Richmond Spiders over the Duke Blue Devils. I guess there is always next year, but I have a suspicion that this will be the best bracket we'll ever see.... at least, as of today, its true for me.

Song: K-os - I wish I knew Natalie Portman

Quote: “Men and boys will accept you more easily when you excel at something they value.” ― Billie Jean King

[agron-rebel-general]

I agree so much about the attraction thing between Agron and Nasir. Like I feel Agron became really attracted to Nasir when he tried to kill Spartacus. Like he was attracted from the beginning, but he probably just thought Nasir was a pretty house slave. But when that pretty house slave tried to kill the bringer of rain, and hissed at Crixus when she slapped him, I just think that turned Agron on and made him say, I have to get to know this wild little dog. And I totally agree with you on Nasir.

YES YES AND JUST SO MUCH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not agree with you MORE @tays-role-plays !!!!! THIS is exactly why I ADORE Nagron!! Their relationship is not based on lust or physical attraction! Neither of them are like that! Agron saw that strength within Nasir and quickly grew to respect him! Hence the reason he went out of his way to ask Nasir what his name was and such, and even opened up about his brother!! He admires Nasir for doing what he did, despite the odds being against him! And THAT, is what bonded them, or at least what opened Agron’s heart and mind to Nasir!! He saw him as more than just a slave and I think its SO important for Agron to have reached this conclusion through Nasir’s actions, rather than just accepting Spartacus’ words about every man having his worth! I believe that Nasir taught Agron that, about a man’s worth because Agron was so incredibly wrong about Nasir and he knows it!! 

Nagron’s development is just SOO BEAUTIFUL!!!  I CAN’T EVEN!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending me this ask!!!! I honestly get ridiculously excited seeing things from you because I ADORREEE chatting with youu!! You have AMAZING INSIGHT to the show and our boys!!!!! LOVE YOU TONS MY FELLOW NAGRON SHIPPER!!!!! <3 <3 <3 

Talk Sparty With Me | Always Accepting |

[fjordfolk]

Are most of Sparta's crimes against other people?

I know you mentioned her bamboozling Luna out of a Warm Spot once or twice, and she obviously extracts treats and attention from people wantonly, but I son't think you've mentioned her Getting Into Stuff very often.

Sparta eats anything she can acquire, has an affinity for chewing off 3-4inch heavy-duty nylon straps, and was eventually prohibited from playing with Bobby because she bit him so hard during play she drew blood.

Her crimes are against anyone who forgets to double-check they where following the Rules (never leaving anything edible or its empty packaging anywhere lower than a kitchen counter, never leaving Sparty alone with anything with a strap, never leaving an item of clothing that has a pocket that may have held food or treats at some point within reach of Sparta - this includes laundry baskets behind improperly closed doors).

Honestly, I don't talk about it much because it's the clearest giveaway of me being a less-than-great dog owner. It is also frustrating to come home from a Situation and find that because you didn't come home when your dog expected you home, she got Stressed and disassembled $150 worth of hiking gear.

[grailfinders]

Brute Grail Front Review #1

today on Fate and Phantasms we've got a special treat for y'all. since this event doesn't have any boosted servants, we're instead going to take a look at each grail front's roster, assess how well they work as a team (in D&D), and which servants I'd suggest taking to counter them. cool? cool.

The Enemy:

now I'm not including caesar himself in any of these since he's not really a "fighter", so our first lineup includes Robin Hood, Nero Claudius, Okada Izou, and Sakamoto Ryouma/Oryou. the first thing that jumps out at me about this party is simple- it's super unbalanced. three of the four servants are rogues, meaning they aren't the toughest bunch around, but they hurt when they hit.

the obvious synergy here is how Ryouma and Izou can team up to completely read an opponent in a minute, learning most, if not all, of their relevant stats and weaknesses. then it's just a matter of trapmaster Robin setting up traps to prey on said weakness. while Nero doesn't quite fit into this setup, she's actually the most dangerous one on the field, and not just because she's a level 20 caster with level 9 spells. okay that's mostly the reason, but hear me out.

Foresight is a very dangerous spell to be fighting against. on Nero it's not great for us, since anyone forcing disadvantage on all attacks against them and getting advantage on their saves and check and attacks is always bad, but remember- she's in a party with three rogues. if those rogues have Foresight, they have permanent advantage, meaning permanent sneak attack. that's terrifying, especially since that rogue will still be harder to hit thanks to the one spell.

Who to Bring?

first and foremost, we need someone who can take out the rogues' gallery fast, before they can sneak attack our team to death. rogues as a rule are tough to hit with regular attacks and anything with a dexterity save, but they do have one weakness- constitution saves. rogues don't get proficiency in those, and they're usually squishy besides, so the cold is one of the few things that can really bother them. that's why my suggestion for the caster slot of this grail front is Anastasia.

she comes packing with plenty of constitution-based spells to bring the hurt, as well as defense-piercing attacks to cut through whatever nonsense Nero conjures up. the one flaw here is she's not a tank. we need someone who can take those sneak attacks on her behalf, as well as shut down whichever rogue's been foresighted. there's plenty of berserkers who are physical tanks, but that latter part is pretty rare to come by, and since we already have one 5-star I'd like to keep the other servants on a budget.

with all that in mind, my pick for berserker is none other than Spartacus.

the man's got an obscene health pool, can rage to cut down on sneak attack damage, and specializes in taking one person out of the fight so his party can deal with the others. with him pinning down the foresighted rogue we've basically forced Nero to waste a ninth level spell, on top of whatever she uses to try and pry Sparty off her teammate.

finally, we need to end this fight in a timely fashion- we only get ten turns to finish this, after all. what we need is a roamer, someone who's fast enough to chase down stragglers and tough enough to fight a rogue or bard one-on-one. that's why my pick for lancer is Cu Chulainn.

he's fast, he's tough, he's so accurate even rogues have trouble avoiding his spear, and his Diamond Soul means he's unlikely to be swayed by Nero's tricks.

Now we've got a spicy grail war brewing! of course this is just talking about D&D- we were able to solo this fight with just Spartacus, so don't stress too hard about who you're taking to the front. still, we hope you've enjoyed this, and stay tuned for tomorrow's grail front!

[maxanor]

seeing the news about that spartacus sequel in the works has me both excited and nostalgic 'cause i know some of my favourites are dead so they won't get to cameo. chadara and saxa were both done so dirty and let's not even talk about mira. i've always wondered why they went with killing her off rather than put her out of commission like oenomaus and nasir were when they got injured. give sparty a scare and let my girl live! i get her death is the last push for him to attack glaber but still

i am interested to see what they do for the sequel! i know back when the show original ended, deknight and co. wanted to make a spinoff about crassus and caeser, but it didn't end up happening. so i wonder if the sequel will have to do more with the roman side?? i doubt they'll focus on original characters, especially considering only four main characters survived. i could see agron and nasir doing some sort of cameo, which would be lovely! i don't even think the actress who played sibyl acts anymore, she more behind the scenes/directing now. so i think they might either focus on the aftermath of the war on the romans side, or they'll focus on some of the slaves that survived (besides agron, nasir, sibyl, and laeta). chadara was absolutely done dirty, i always wish she got to live a bit longer bc it would have been nice for nasir to have a friend around. i don't have any problem with how saxa's story ended, she was a warrior until the end and there's no way she wouldn't have gone down fighting. mira's death is hard for me, bc she's one of my favorite characters in the whole show, but i do ultimately think it was necessary to push spartacus and the other rebels forward in their journey. to me, mira was kind of the last piece of spartacus' heart ("i have given all that remains") especially after sura and varro's deaths. i would have loved for her to live, but i do think it makes sense for the story :/

[breanime]

Things on my mind that I would like to discuss with you, my friends

Season 2 Coco... What was he doing? I don't remember, but I want to do an OC for him that he falls in love with in Season 2 and kind of do a rewrite of Seasons 2 and 3 for Coco... maybe. Even if I just post random blurbs from it, I think it might be fun. What do you guys think?

SPARTACUS friends, my people--I just want to talk Sparty. I miss that show and I miss my babies (NAEVIA, Crixus, Agron, Nasir, Mira, Spartacus, Gannicus, Oenomaus, etc). Who's the himbo of the show? Kind of dumb, slutty, drinks his respect women juice?

TINY LITTLE INCREMENTS; I need to finish it. I have 9 drabbles left for my followers event, and I need to finish TLI once the event is over. It's been FAR too long. Does anyone want to volunteer to be my accountability buddy and maybe throw some encouragement Ol Shaky Legs' way to help me get re-motivated? I may also rewatch early seasons of Shameless to get back into the vibe of it all.

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Day 60: Tuesday March 1, 2022 - “Yo Joe!”

We sat down with Uncle Joe for dinner, and William plugged in to the idea that we were watching something and someone important - even joining in the clapping with us and everyone in the chamber when he spoke about whats going on in Ukraine.   We had a choice here tonight - State of The Union or Michigan/Michigan State game.  It was obvious that we’d be watching the President.  I put Wm in a Sparty onesie for luck and set the tube to CNN.  

I’ve been down on Biden lately.  Very uninspired. Not going to lie - I even expressed that I think its time to take his sticker off the Prius.   But tonight I was re-energized.  His centrist agenda flavored with Social Justice spoke to me fully.  I could see where he was trying to inspire and cheer more bi-partisanship. I could see him try to heal the country by healing this Congress. I was left shocked and awed at how good he was tonight.  A really great speech.   William didn’t sit through all of it of course, at some point the talking head got boring but when I put him down, he cruised right up to the tv and stuck out his left hand and waived at The President.  Then carried on towards the dog water.

As I write this now, a couple hours later, and consider the meaning in that baby waiving at The President, I can’t help but think about what he’ll grow up to think about his nation, his freedoms, his politics.  Of what he’ll learn to value and choose to value. What his generation will say of ours.  I dont much care if he is a democrat or a budding republican - I’ll work to ensure he’s a good and proud American.  We need more of those.

The choice to watch the Speech over the Spartans was a good one.  Sparty was blown out tonight in Ann Arbor and I am glad I had a good excuse not to have to watch it.

Song: Amos Lee - Flower

Quote: “War is made or planned now by individual men, demagogues and dictators who play on the patriotism of their people to mislead them into a belief in the great fallacy of war when all their vaunted reforms have failed to satisfy the people they misrule.” ~Ernest Hemingway

[slippinmickeys]

Five Seconds (4/8)

If you’d like to read at AO3, you may do so here. 

June 4, 2018

Mulder stood in the kitchen wearing only sweatpants, the rented house quiet around him. Scully had headed to the local Meijer for supplies of every stripe, and both kids had leapt at the chance to go with her, a rare occurrence the last few years, but a clear result of forced low profile and cabin fever.

He was nursing a rare cup of caffeinated coffee and watching a black squirrel make a nuisance of itself on the residence’s sole backyard bird feeder. When his new cell phone rang, he answered it out of muscle memory.

“Hello?”

“Hello Fox,” said the person on the other end of the line, “aren’t you a sound for sore ears.”

It took him a moment to place the voice.

“Lauren,” he said after a moment, smiling into the receiver, “it’s good to hear from you, too. I take it you got the information I sent you?”

Mulder had had Frohike send her their contact information as they’d previously agreed, and he assumed this was the first of her planned unplanned check-ins.

“It was a little cloak and dagger, even for the District,” she said, and Mulder could hear her smile over the line.

“And I always thought you lived for the drama,” he said companionably.

“Well, I got to wear my best Carmen SanDiego hat, so I guess I can’t be mad.”

Mulder chuckled into the receiver.

“How’s it going?” Lauren asked, her tone shifting to one of sober inquiry.

“It’s going.”

“Dana okay?” her question was sincere, and Mulder marveled how time could change a person.

“She’s good,” he said, “healthy. All systems go. I’m sure she’d want me to send you her best.”

“And the kids? How are they handling it all?”

Mulder sighed.

Will was adjusting, but Lily was miserable. Lonely and bored, unable to talk to friends back home and without the specter and excitement of starting school in the fall. She’d even begged to be able to get a summer job, even as just a waitress at the local Bennigan’s, but Mulder didn’t like the idea of her being away from the house for hours at a time, and Scully wasn’t sold on their borrowed Social Security numbers passing an employment check.

“The kids are… okay.”

“Going that well, huh?” she asked.

“Lil is pretty miserable,” he admitted.

“Of course she’s miserable,” Lauren scolded him, “she’s 18 years old and stuck in a house with her well-meaning parents. She should be at the beach with friends getting day drunk on Bud Light-”

“-she would never-” Mulder interrupted, to which Lauren outright laughed in his ear.

“-I assure you, she already has!”

Mulder sighed again. “Aside from dropping her off at the lake and buying her a rack of shit beer, you got any ideas?”

“College boys in tight pants,” Lauren said.

“Excuse me?” Mulder asked, taken aback.

“Take the family to a football game Fox, you’re in a Big Ten town for Christ’s sake.”

“It’s not football season yet.”

“Just take her somewhere with a lot of people. And give her a little bit of freedom. And when it is football season?”

“Yeah?” Mulder asked.

“Take her to see the tight pants.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

 September 3, 2018

It had been months and they started to relax, maybe a bit too much. They were alert, but comfortable. Maybe complacent, Mulder couldn't tell. All he knew was that if he kept the kids in the house for much longer, they'd kill each other and possibly him and Scully in the crossfire, and it would defeat the whole purpose of their hiding out. That said, all was quiet on the homefront -- Darlene and the Gunmen, and to a lesser extent, Doggett, Reyes and Skinner -- had heard nothing with their ears to the ground.

He and Scully had discussed it, and decided that they would let the kids out of the house. They allowed them to socialize occasionally, if they promised to be careful. Will had made a couple of friends around the neighborhood, playing roller hockey in their cul de sac, but Lily hadn't had as much luck, or as much motivation. She had been quiet and keeping mostly to herself, and come September, Mulder had decided to finally take Lauren's advice. They were going to a football game.

William was beside himself with excitement which made up for Lily's lack of enthusiasm. Scully had opted out of attending, citing her increasing need of accessible bathrooms and the inevitable long lines at ladies rooms in sports arenas.

They took the bus to the edge of the MSU campus -- the first time any of them had been on it since moving to the town several months before. There were people everywhere -- most dressed in the hometown colors of green and white, but a rare few -- looking as lost on campus as the Mulders themselves -- in the brown and gold of the visiting team.

Mulder had ducked into the student union to get a campus map, whereupon William insisted he buy all three of them something supporting the hometown team. Lily opted out, but William and Mulder walked out each in a brand new ball cap, the brims stiff and flat -- in addition, William was carrying a big foam finger emblazoned with the number 1 and the gruff face of Michigan State's Spartan mascot, Sparty.

"It's this way," Mulder said, consulting his map and pointing south, and they set off following streams of people headed toward the stadium which sat in the middle of campus.

The day was delightfully mild, and while the sun shone, there were fat clouds everywhere that would cover it as soon as you were at risk of overheating. There seemed to be tailgate parties set up at increasing concentrations the closer they got to the stadium, the air thick with the scent of grilling meat and tinny stereos playing the home school's fight song.

There were frat boys throwing a football back and forth every thirty or so feet, and crowds of coeds sipping beer from green Solo cups, hovering around games of corn hole and beer pong, laughing while they clung to each other like the last few Cheerios floating in a bowl of milk.

Mulder stole a glance at Lily, who looked at them wistfully. School had just started here at Michigan State and the week before at UVA, and Mulder could tell his daughter was fairly heartbroken about not being able to attend.

Mulder pulled up short and Lily and William both stopped several steps past him and turned to look at him expectantly.

"One sec," he said and walked over to a large tent wherein an alumni organization was selling hot dogs and brats to raise funds. He bought three bratwurst and a couple of sodas and walked them back to his kids, hands full and pockets overflowing with napkins and little packets of ketchup and mustard.

He nodded toward a low stone wall that ran along the length of one of the sidewalks and they all sat down and ate sloppily, ketchup plopping to the sidewalk that they leaned over so as not to spill on their clothes. William was of course done first and snapped open his soda, slurping from it happily.

"They call it pop here," he said, raising his can and giving his father a cheeky smirk.

"No one cares, Billy," Lily said, wiping her lips delicately with a napkin and setting the last quarter of the brat on the wall beside her. "I'm stuffed," she declared.

Will happily scarfed the rest of her sausage and Mulder was about to suggest they start moving again toward the stadium when a frisbee glided through the air and scuffed to the ground at their feet. Lily jumped off the wall and picked it up, looking around to find its owner, who was trotting toward them in droopy cargo shorts and an overlarge school shirt that said "I BLEED GREEN."

Mulder shook his head as Lily pulled back and winged it back toward the guy, sailing it in a perfect arc into his waiting hands.

The kid smiled at her, teeth and all.

"Nice arm!" the kid said, giving her one more charming look before trotting back toward his friends who were waiting further across the Diag that cut through the center of campus.

Mulder glanced at Lily who was wearing a small but fading smile.

He stood, balling up the napkin and sausage detritus. He turned to Lily impulsively.

"You want a beer?" he asked her.

She almost blanched and gave him a queer look.

"A beer?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, "you're a college kid now, no reason you shouldn't enjoy a cold one before a football game like all these other coeds."

Lily gave him a suspicious look just as Will piped up, "I want a beer."

"No," Mulder said, cutting off any complaints with a sharp look and then he walked over to a fraternity tent and talked for a moment to the kid that was manning the keg. After a few words, he handed over a few bills of cash and returned to his kids, handing Lily a dripping plastic cup.

He took a sip of his own cup and inclined his head at his daughter.

"Not the best," he said, while she took a tentative sip.

She smiled over the rim of the cup but kept her eyes on the ground.

"Tastes like college," she said, and Mulder couldn't help but smile.

XxX

"Hey Frisbee," Lily heard from several feet to her right.

She stood up from the drinking fountain in a nook of the stadium in between lavatories, and used her wrist to wipe her mouth dry.

The guy who lost his frisbee at her feet while they were eating before the game was standing only yards away, a small cocksure smile on his lips. Lily tilted her head at him.

"I thought that was you," he went on.

She nodded awkwardly and stepped away from the drinking fountain so the person behind her could drink.

"I think you're in the wrong stadium," he said, and when she looked at him in confusion, he smiled kindly and pointed at her shirt.

She'd donned a UVA sweatshirt for the game out of a sense of loyalty or rebellion (she wasn't sure which, if she were being honest) and she only realized when they stepped onto campus how much it actually made her stand out.

"This isn't the UVA game?" she said mock seriously, "God, I took a left heading into Charlottesville and I guess I should have taken a right." The comment earned her a chuckle and a genuine smile. "Guess the extra ten hours in the car should have been my first clue."

The guy took a few steps toward her and held out his hand.

"Travis," he said by way of introduction, and she shook his hand politely. It was warm in hers, and his grip was firm but brief.

"Lillian," Lily said, almost forgetting to introduce herself with her cover name.

"That's pretty," Travis said, and Lily could feel herself blushing, feeling awkward that it wasn't really her name. "So you go to UVA?"

She nodded. "Deferred for a semester while my folks moved here." Her father had told her to stick as close as she could to their actual stories when telling people their covers in order to keep it all straight.

"Cool," said Travis. They stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"I should get back to my seat," she said, "halftime's almost over."

People were streaming back into the seating areas, and she could hear the marching band keeping tempo as they marched off the field.

Travis shoved his hands into his pockets and for a moment looked slightly bashful.

"Yeah," he said, turning away and taking a few steps, before turning back. "Hey, you want to hang out sometime?"

Lily thought to herself that just about anything sounded better than having to spend one more night at home playing Hearts at the dining room table.

"Sure," she said, and Travis pulled out his phone and handed it to her.

She put in the number of the phone that Darlene had given her and felt only a little weird entering "Lillian" in the name box.

When she handed Travis back the phone, he used his other hand to lightly touch her arm.

"Hey, it was nice meeting you," he said.

"You too," she smiled and wandered back to her seat, trying very hard to keep a smile off her face.

XxXxXxXxXxX

"So..." Scully started, not sure how to broach the subject, other than just to spit it out, "Lily wants to know if she can go 'hang out with a guy.'"

She was sitting at the dining room table sipping on an iced tea, the dew of condensation slippery and cold on her fingertips. She was feeling pendulous and heavy, the high of the second trimester given way to the rolling agony of the third. Her husband, as she had suspected he would, looked suddenly aghast.

"She... what?"

"She got asked out, Mulder, and would like to know if it was okay with us if she went."

William came breezing through the kitchen then, opening up the fridge door and hanging in front of it, blankly staring at its contents, unimpressed.

"Pick something or don't, Will," Mulder said testily to his current youngest, "but please stop letting all the cold out of the fridge."

Will grabbed a soda and stood while the fridge door closed on its own behind him.

"That's Billy to you," he said, mocking insult, and made his way slowly out of the kitchen, staring at Mulder who affectionately reached out as he passed and messed his red curls into an orange soda froth on the top of his head.

"You need a haircut," Mulder said, and Will lifted his nose, shaking his hair out with dignified hauteur.

"So do you," the boy said and left the room.

Scully chuckled. "Don't take it out on him," she said.

Mulder shook himself and turned back to her.

"Take what out on him?"

"That your daughter is growing up and you're not ready. You look like you did the night she went to prom with Derek Smead."

Mulder looked completely affronted.

"He didn't even come to the house! He just had the limo honk and she ran out the door. You didn't get any pictures! Who does that? No self-respecting gentleman. I honestly still don't believe he's a real person."

Scully chuckled again. "And she left him at the dance after an hour and took the limo with five friends to the Sonic drive-in. She's got a good head on her shoulders, Mulder."

"I know she does."

"So what do you think? Is it safe to let her date?"

"I don't like it."

"I didn't ask if you liked it. I asked if you thought it was safe."

Mulder blew out a raspberry. Scully knew that he was thinking the same thing she was -- they'd let Will hang out with a few new friends so long as he was careful. Lily arguably had more common sense by nature of her age (and her gender, thought Scully). She would take precautions and employ the minimal tradecraft Mulder and Scully had taught her.

"What do you think?" Mulder asked her.

"I think she's 18 years old and we're lucky she even ran it by us. If she were away at school, she'd be making these decisions for herself."

Mulder's shoulders slumped.

"As long as she's careful," he finally said.

"I'll give her some condoms," Scully muttered, an offhand remark.

"Scully!" Mulder blanched.

"I just wanted to see the look on your face," Scully laughed.

Mulder shook his head and turned to walk out of the room.

Scully was still chuckling minutes later.

XxXxXxXxXxX

"Hey Frisbee," said a voice from behind her.

Lily turned to see Travis standing several feet away in the middle of the footbridge. He was wearing black flip flops, a pair of long khaki shorts and a navy blue polo shirt. His hair -- dark tousled waves, cut short but shaggy -- was poking in all directions out of a  university ball cap, which, she was relieved to see, was pristinely white without a yellowing band of sweat or scuzz. His face looked freshly shaved and he was smiling.

"Hey yourself," she said, and took a step toward him.

He reached into his pocket as she approached and pulled out a ziplock sandwich bag, filled with a gritty grey substance. She took it with some hesitation.

"Is this... a bag of oatmeal?" she asked.

He colored and put both hands up.

"Okay, so: I was going to bring your flowers, but then I thought you know what would be cute? Flour . So I went to our pantry and I'm looking at this giant bag of flour and I'm like what the hell is she going to do with a giant bag of flour? And then I saw the oatmeal and thought -- well, we're meeting on the footbridge, we could feed the ducks! ...So I brought you oatmeal. Bread is bad for ducks."

Despite the lengthy diatribe, Lily laughed. "It was nice of you to think of the ducks," she said.

"Well," he said, and walked with her to the railing of the footbridge, which crossed the Red Cedar River. "The bag itself is multipurpose. If you think it'd be fun, I thought we could rent a canoe later and go down the river?"

"What does that have to do with the bag?" she asked, leaning over the railing and looking down into the tannin-tinted water. A cluster of ducks, trained to anticipate food, swam quickly toward them.

"We can put our phones in it," he said, leaning into her shoulder a little. "I myself have been through the gauntlet of canoe training at Camp Quitcherbitchin as a young lad, but you're an unknown quantity, Frisbee. What if you dunk us? I aim to save our electronics."

Lily laughed again, charmed despite herself. She opened the baggie and threw a handful of oats to the waiting ducks below, which scurried as fast as they could swim for the feast. Lily offered Travis some, and he took a handful and cast it out. They fed the ducks for a minute or so of comfortable silence.

Finally, Lily asked: "Camp Quitcherbitchin?"

Travis smiled.

"Sleep-away summer camp up north. I went every year. It's actually called Camp Nageesh, but some of the counselors were somewhat less than tolerant of complaints, so the campers called it Quitcherbitchin.”

Lily chuckled. "Canoes, huh?"

"Plus sailboats, swimming and archery. I refuse to divulge which I have a higher level of competency in, in case you're some kind of polymath with a competitive bent."

"You aren't one of those guys who can't stand it when a girl is better than you at something, are you?" Lily asked.

“Are you a polymath with a competitive bent?” Travis grabbed another handful of oatmeal and threw it toward a mother with a brood of ducklings that were having trouble getting into the mix.

“I’ve got some game,” Lily said, arching an eyebrow that would have made her mother proud.

"In that case," he said, turning toward her. His eyes were a mossy green, like her father's. He  gave her a small smile, “I look forward to being outmatched."

"Well," said Lily, intrigued. She scattered out the last bit of oatmeal and, blowing some of the grit from the bag, put her phone into it and handed it to Travis for him to do the same. "Let's see what you're made of, Paddles."

XxX

"We seem to be drifting a bit to starboard," Lily called over her shoulder. Travis had taken the backseat ("Do you mind if I steer?" he'd asked). They'd managed to board and push off okay -- the bored-looking livery attendant having given them minimal instruction, but held the craft as they both lifted themselves gingerly aboard.

"I'm aware of that," said Travis, his voice a little tense for the first time.

"You said you were steering," she teased him. They were rapidly making for the opposite shore of the river, the canoe swinging sideways with the current.

"I'm aware of that too," he said back, and then a moment later, she felt the canoe sway radically, followed by a splash. She grabbed the side of the craft for dear life and then swung her head to look behind her. Travis had jumped out of the canoe and was now holding it by the triangle at the stern with one hand, paddle in the other; halting their momentum, which had been about to take them into a bramble of cedar branches hanging low over the water.

"Oh my god!" Lily squeaked. "Are you okay? Did you fall?"

"I jumped," Travis said, "If you headed home with a rat's nest of cedar sprays in your hair, you might not go out with me again."

"And they say chivalry is dead," Lily said, setting her oar down on the bottom of the canoe.

"Will you go out with me again?" Travis said hopefully, and the smile he flashed her made her want to say yes, but instead she teased:

"Too early to make that call."

"This water is really cold, Lillian," he said, and turned, pulling the canoe behind him into the water upstream and back toward the livery.

"It looks it," Lily said. "If I do go out with you again, let's stick with something land-based, huh?"

Travis threw a grin at her and kept trudging, clearly trying his best to keep the craft steady so she didn't fall in herself. She checked her pockets briefly for their phones, which she'd offered to hold on to, and watched him. The river was relatively shallow -- he was a tall guy and the water was only soaking the cuff of his shorts.

"Your parents should call Camp Quitcherbitchin and get their money back, Travis," she said, canting her face up to the sun and closing her eyes briefly. She shrieked when the canoe suddenly lurched to one side. She grabbed the side and looked at her date, who had stopped and was wearing a mischievous grin. He was still wearing the dorky orange life jacket that they'd been required to don, and the whole situation made Lily start laughing.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball," Travis said, turning again to continue the trudge back to base. "I'll have you know that I learned how to canoe on a lake. I forgot to account for one variable."

"The current?" Lily asked.

"The current," he admitted.

They made it back to shore and he helped her out of the canoe, explaining to the still benumbed livery worker that they wouldn't be back, but still throwing a soggy five dollar bill in the tip jar. After retrieving his flip flops from the bottom of the small boat, he offered to take Lily to the campus Dairy Store for ice cream.

"Your campus has a Dairy Store?" she asked him curiously.

"This is Moo U, Lillian," he explained, steering her a few blocks from the river to a large brick building beyond the main engineering hall. "This street is Farm Lane. We have cattle."

Once inside they reviewed the offerings, and Lily noticed that they had a flavor for every university in the Big Ten conference -- even their arch rivals. About which he announced, "I'll buy you anything but the Maize & Blueberry. I like you, but even I have my limits."

Once they had their cones (she with Boilermaker Brownie and he with Hoosier Daddy ("basically strawberry," he explained)), they settled onto a picnic table in the shade.

"So," Travis said, licking a drop that had melted onto his knuckle, "why'd you end up deferring this semester?"

Lily swallowed the bite in her mouth without chewing. They had prepared cover stories but she hadn't yet needed to use hers. Stick with the truth as much as you can , said her father's voice.

"My dad got a job here and my mom is pregnant. She was on bedrest for a while and needed help."

Travis was looking at her expectantly, clearly waiting for her to elaborate, but she didn't -- continuing to nervously lick her cone. After a long moment of waiting, he kindly plowed ahead, asking her about her major and telling her about his. He was a sophomore, from a town in the northern part of the state, and she found him inherently easy to talk to and interesting, and wondered, idly, if that was because he really was interesting or if she were just starved for company and attention.

When they finished up, they threw away their napkins in a nearby trash can and stood looking at each other, only a little awkwardly.

“So... “ Travis started, “still too early to make the call?”

She smiled, remembering what she’d told him in the canoe about going out with him again. “I like your chances.”

He smiled back and she felt a little thrill. “Lillian, will you go out with me again?” he asked.

“Dry land stuff?”

“The driest.”

“In that case, yes.”

She was still feeling the soft kiss he'd given her cheek hours later as she sat around the dining room table, fielding invasive questions from her father and trying to avoid her mother’s eye.

[obscureenthusiast]

Me again. I might wanna know about Whole Wide World as well :)

OF COURSE YOU CAN KNOW ABOUT IT

Okay, so "Whole Wide World" (title from a Mountain Goats song of the same name) is my big post-canon Sparty fic project that will (fingers crossed) actually get finished someday... especially because I have a LOT of thoughts about what it means for both of them to live when not at war, and how to build a life when traumatized, grief-stricken, and filled with survivor's guilt!

Unfortunately, I decided I needed to write the Agron POV fic first just to get to where both him and Nasir are, like... EMOTIONALLY at in their arcs by the end of the show... and so the post-canon fic has been just sitting around and every now and then I look at it and go "ooooooh" and add a few more notes or something :P

Originally, the plan for this fic was Nasir POV, but I may change that and do swapping POVs between Agron and Nasir, because I'd love to get some exploration into the things they don't SAY to each other. BUT, for now, on to some of my Nasir snippets from early on (as in, they're still in the mountains)!

“Enough!” Nasir said, grabbing Agron’s shoulder because he’d seen the same look in his lover’s eyes as when he was set upon throwing the first punch. “Break words of fucking sense, both of you.” Agron scoffed, “This stupid shit wants to turn back to the south.” “We only seek to fucking live!” the man replied, standing taller against Agron’s barbed words. “A small number of us can slip past Roman soldiers easily enough.” Nasir recognized the man, now, if only vaguely. He was a Celt, one of the shepherds they had picked up along the way. He had been an accomplished fighter, held back from the final battle by injury to his sword arm which was even now held in a sling across his chest. “I swore to Spartacus upon dying breath that I would see every slave to freedom,” Agron said, “not see clutch of them returned to their fucking deaths!” “Spartacus talked of the freedom to choose our fates!” the man returned. “I would see myself and others of like mind to our own path!” Nasir tightened his grip on Agron’s shoulder slightly, drawing his attention with a glance. “I fear we cannot stop the man,” he said, keeping his voice low and firm, “without betraying ideals of our cause.” Agron’s jaw tightened and he lowered his own voice to whisper, “So we are to let them choose death?” The words were in parallel to conversation Nasir had broken with Spartacus, in the days after Agron had left him to join Crixus’s army, and Nasir’s brows drew together, a tinge of bitterness invading his voice as he muttered. “All men choose their fates,” he locked eyes with Agron, “a thing you are well aware of.”

Haha, yeah I'm sure that bitterness isn't going to come up later as like a hurdle in their post-war relationship!! I'm sure it'll be okay!! Annnnnnnd

Agron was kneeling on the floor, low curses rolling from his lips in grumbled undertones as he tried to pick up the scattered pieces of a shattered water jug. He looked up as Nasir entered, his gaze dark with sharp irritation. “Do not fucking speak,” he snapped. Nasir moved closer, kneeling beside Agron and helping with the task silently, his hands moving quickly and gently to remove the broken pieces. Agron shifted, sitting back on his heels and tossing down the few shards of clay he’d managed to collect, his hands instead clenching as much as they could as bitterness overtook his features. “It fucking slipped from useless hands,” Agron muttered. Nasir shook his head. “It does not matter.” Agron hissed out a breath through his teeth and aimed a kick at a couple of the errant pieces on the floor, nearly catching Nasir’s fingers with the action. Nasir jerked back and looked at Agron sharply, but Agron was staring down at his own hands, seemingly unaware of Nasir’s presence. Silence stretched between them and Nasir moved cautiously closer, setting aside the broken pieces of pottery carefully so that he could reach out. “Agron,” Nasir whispered, running soft fingertips across Agron’s cheek, trying to draw his gaze. For a moment Agron remained stolid and indifferent to the touch and Nasir feared he would be pushed away, but then Agron closed his eyes tightly, brows drawing together in a pained expression as he pressed to Nasir’s hand. “Exhaustion and grief are heavy burden,” Nasir said softly. Agron shook his head and drew in an unsteady breath, lips quivering. When he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse, “I cannot bear weight of it,” he said, “when all has been fucking taken from me.”

lol Agron seems uhhhh... like he's handling this whole situation super duper well. I'm sure Nasir constantly having to placate him when they're both incredibly emotional won't wear him down or anything. I'm sure the fact that Agron keeps snapping at every little thing isn't due to immense physical pain, and I'm sure that nobody is gonna yell at anybody before the week is out >:3 Absolutely!

ANYWAY thank you so much for asking, bless you kindly <3

[hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong]

Spartacus’ Curious Occurrence, prologue

Spartacus: Master wait! Before we return to the lostbelt, there is something we must do!

Jeanne: Spartacus, is something wrong?

Cris: You look like a kicked dog. That just watched another, smaller dog get kicked.

Spartacus: I feel... a great oppression from another world, rippling throughout the spartaverse! If we don’t do something now, all rebellion might be lost!

Kat: Sparty, we love you, but...

Jeanne: Absolutely not.

Spartacus: I’m too late! It’s already claimed you too! Don’t worry, I will free you with my love! “Rebellion is truly my life...”

Cris: Woah, woah! Hold on a second! We’re not saying no like a command!

Jeanne: I do not think it is physically possible to travel between worlds at the best of times, and thanks to Koyanskaya’s link to this lostbelt, I doubt the Shadow Border could even move beyond India.

Spartacus: Ah yes, those “physical” laws Holmes keeps talking about.

Kat: We’ll help when we can, but for now-

Spartacus: If those laws are stopping me from destroying oppression, then those laws ARE oppression! “Take up your blades and try to destroy me! CRYING WARMONGER! AHAAHAHAHAAHAHA!

A familiar purple light began to envelop Spartacus as he engaged his Noble Phantasm, but unlike the normal wave-clearing attack, his light  barely passed further than an inch from his skin. The explosion was similarly contained in an impressive feat of physical impossibility.

When the dust cleared, Spartacus was nowhere to be seen.

Cris: Should we be worried?

Da Vinci: It’s not like we could go after him right now. We’ll just have to deal with the lostbelt as quickly as we can, and hope we can lock onto his signal afterwards.

-----------------

Where has Spartacus gone? Will he ever arrive at the great oppression? Will our heroes be able to defeat lostbelt 4 without him? (I mean probably, because there’s a 4 day time gap between today’s bit of story and the next one, and I’ll probably be bored of this story arc by then.)

[agron-rebel-general]

I have another meta question: Why is Nasir wearing a penis necklace?

HEYY!!! THANKS FOR THE QUESTION!! Ok SOOO I could paraphrase stuff but THIS POST HERE gives an AMAZING description of the significance of it!! In a nut shell, its for protection!! I kind of headcanon that Agron made it for him ;)!! HEHEH!! HOPE THAT HELPS LOVE!! <3 THANNNKKS for sending this in!!!

Talk Sparty With Me | Always Accepting |

[fjordfolk]

Sparty: Not a fan of blood tests, apparently. Nor is she a fan of getting her leg shaved, or her temperature taken, or even actually anything.

Tests came back fine - globulin levels marginally low but not worryingly, one more level tied to immune health (my brain is mush) low but normal range. We talked about switching her to a suitable senior kibble to make sure her immune system gets the support it needs, but vet wasn't at all worried.

Troj only got prodded and listened to, the vet though she maaaayyybeee heard a heart murmur, but she couldn't decide if she actually heard something or if she was just tricking herself, so it got noted in her journal and we'll pick up the thread next time. She assured me that IF there WAS something there, it was so slight it wouldn't really matter.

Tbh I'm not sure what to make of that. Vet also listened to her twice in two weeks in jan/feb in a quiet room and heard nothing, while now we were in the room next to the lab while the blood test was processing, there was a lot of swishy printy scratchy ambient noises and I *suspect* that might've played into it. Idk though. We'll shelve it for now and see again in a year or so.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #50: Spartacus

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re going on a glorious quest to destroy oppressors with Spartacus! He’s a Barbarian/Paladin combo who fits a very unusual combat niche, right where “Too tough to kill without using your best stuff”, “Too weak to justify using your best stuff”, and “Too annoying to not kill” meet. Sparty runs around grappling and pinning more damaging combatants, not doing much in the way of real fighting, right up until the DM stops paying attention to you. Then you explode.

Check out the level-by-level breakdown below the cut, or the summary of the build over here.

Race and Background

Spartacus’ build isn’t “balanced”, and we really need the feat, so he’ll be a Variant Human. This gives him +1 Constitution and +1 Charisma, because odd numbers make me queasy. He also gets proficiency in Survival, because leading an army around the roman countryside for three years is hard if they can’t eat, and the Grappler feat. You have advantage on attacks against creatures you’re grappling, and you can pin them by double grappling them, restraining both of you until the grapple ends. Spartacus likes giving people hugs. It’s not his fault their spines aren’t strong enough to handle them.

Spartacus obviously has the Noble background- jk, of course he has the Gladiator background, giving him proficiency in Acrobatics and Performance.

Stats

Your highest stat is going to be Constitution. Spartacus is the second hardest berserker to kill off, and #1 is literally a god. Strength is second, his muscles aren’t just for show. Third is going to be Charisma; you’ve been in leadership positions before, and you’ve got a winning smile. Your Dexterity is a little low-you don’t get out of the way of stuff. Stuff gets out your way. Fifth is Intelligence. You can talk, but you don’t have much to really say. Finally, dump Wisdom. Madness Enhancement, berserkers... you probably get it by this point.

Class Levels

1. Barbarian 1: Starting off as a barbarian gives you proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Athletics and Intimidation. The gladiator background probably should have had athletics, but whatever, you still got it. 

First level barbarians can Rage, getting a whole bunch of strength based goodies in exchange for not using magic for a minute, or as long as you can keep hitting people, and as long as you’re not wearing heavy armor. To help with that, you have Unarmored Defense, making your AC with no armor based on your Constitution and Dexterity. When you told the oppressors to break their swords on your skin, you meant it. Not yet though, real armor is still a lot better for your. As a side note, I’m not sure what AC a metal diaper/fetish gear comes in at, but it’s probably some kind of medium armor.

For your weapon, we’re going with a Shortsword. Your muscles are big, your sword is not. (Also lets us keep a hand open for grapples and other neat stuff later in the build.)

2. Barbarian 2: Your Reckless Attack gives you advantage on this turn in exchange for giving enemies advantage until your next turn. You typically just run into wherever the oppressors are, so yeah, you’re a little reckless. You also have Danger Sense, giving you advantage on dex saves against things you can see, like traps and spells. That’s not going to help much with your dexterity score, but it’s a nice though.

3. Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians set down their primal path, and you become a Berserker! When you do, you can Frenzy instead of rage, letting you use your bonus action each turn to make another melee attack. At the end of your frenzy, you take one level of exhaustion. Like I said in the Lu Bu build, this is objectively terrible. Unlike Lu Bu however, you’re not getting any skills to replace this, and it is pretty in character for you, so.... just try to be careful with it.

4. Barbarian 4: At fourth level you get your first ASI, which is going straight into Strength. I hope you like having 16 strength, because that’s all we’re getting this build.

5. Barbarian 5: Fifth level barbarians get an Extra Attack, letting you attack twice per action, or three times per round with your Frenzy. You also get Fast Movement, adding 10′ of movement to your speed if you’re not wearing heavy armor.

6. Barbarian 6: Sixth level berserkers can go into a Mindless Rage, making you immune to the charmed and frightened effects while raging, and suspending any such effects you already have until your rage subsides. Ironically, controlling Spartacus’s mind just makes him more likely to hit you.

7. Paladin 1: Now that your mind is safe, let’s get some real firepower. Gods aren’t your cup of tea, but blind fanaticism and blowing people up with charged energy. 100% Spartacus. First level paladins get a Divine Sense, letting you spend an action to locate any celestial, fiendish, or undead oppressors who are within 60′ of you a couple of times per long rest. Fiends steal people’s souls, that’s oppression. Gods make you do stuff you don’t want to, that’s oppression. The undead are gross, that’s probably oppression.

You also get Lay on Hands, giving you a pool of HP to can hand out as an action equal to five times your paladin level. This is mostly your healing factor while raging, but if you want to break character for a bit and heal other people, I won’t tell.

8. Paladin 2: Second level paladins get a Fighting Style. Unarmed Fighting from UA Class Feature Variants lets your fists deal 1d6 damage, or 1d8 if both hands are free. The real reason we’re taking it though is because now when you start a grapple, you can deal 1d4 bludgeoning damage immediately, and you deal another 1d4 with each attack you make while grappling. Spartacus isn’t that hard of a hitter most of the time, so every bit helps.

Paladins also get Spells at this level, and more importantly they get Divine Smite. When you hit a creature, you can burn a spell slot to add 2d8 radiant damage to the attack. Add 1d8 for each level above 1 the slot you used is, and add another d8 if the enemy is a fiend or undead. Technically you’re supposed to get this power from getting hit, but somehow I don’t think that will be an issue for you.

Your paladin spells are based on your Charisma, but we’re mostly here for buffs, so your score doesn’t matter that much. Cure Wounds and Heroism are more ways to sub in your healing factor, as long as you aren’t raging.

9. Paladin 3: Third level paladins take a Sacred Oath for their subclass. The Oath of Glory from the sunny shores of Theros is a perfect fit for a musclehead such as yourself. They get two Channel Divinity options: Peerless Athlete is a bonus action that gives you 10 minutes of advantage on Acrobatics and Athletics checks, doubles your carrying capacity, and adds 10′ to your long and high jumps. You may not be as strong as Heracles, but this will certainly help keep him pinned. Inspiring Smite lets you divvy up 2d8+your paladin level temporary hit points to nearby friendly creatures after you hit something with a divine smite. Spartacus can have a little healing, as a treat.

Glory paladins also get oath spells at this level. We’ve already talked about Heroism, and Guiding Bolt doesn’t really fit this build, so... moving on.

10. Paladin 4: Hitting fourth level in another class gives you another ASI, which is going straight into Constitution. We’re in the paladin class for buffs, and buffs require concentration. We’re also giving you an ungodly amount of HP, so this is a two birds one stone situation.

11. Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get a feature we already have and 2nd level spells. Enhance Ability makes you especially powerful in one ability check of your choice for up to an hour with concentration. The strength option also doubles your carrying capacity, constitution gives you some temporary HP, and dexterity cushions your fall a bit. (You could also use it on mental saves, but... why?) Magic Weapon turns your weapon magic, and gives it a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls, for again, an hour with concentration. A lot of high level oppressors resist nonmagical attacks, so this will be useful.

12. Barbarian 7: Now that we’re done getting our explosions ready, we can return to the barbarian class. Seventh level barbarians have a Feral Instinct, giving you advantage on initiative rolls. You can also negate being surprised by raging at the start of combat. Normally this would be a no brainer, but you’ve got some magical effects that might come in handy in certain encounters.

I know, I wasn’t expecting Spartacus to be the thinking man’s berserker either.

13. Barbarian 8: Another ASI, let’s max out your Constitution for the best saves and the most health. Remember: this applies to your health retroactively as well. You’re not gaining 1 HP here, you’re getting 1 for each level.

14. Barbarian 9: Your Brutal Critical lets you add another damage die to your attack when you deal a critical hit. A shortsword only comes with d6s, but damage is damage.

15. Barbarian 10: Tenth level berserkers have an Intimidating Presence. Your winning smile might not win you any beauty pageants, but terrifying the oppressors is a good second place.

You can use your action to frighten a creature, who has to make a wisdom save equal to your paladin spell save DC. If they fail, they’re frightened of you until the end of your next turn. However, you can use your action to extend the fear by another turn, without a save. It also ends if they end their turn without you in sight, or they end their turn more than 60′ away from you, but nothing’s perfect.

If they succeed, you can’t frighten them again this way for 24 hours.

16. Barbarian 11: Your Relentless Rage lets you keep fighting after death. Maybe. When you drop to 0 hp while raging, you can make a DC 10 constitution save, and if you succeed, drop to 1 hp instead. Each time you succeed, the DC goes up by 5. Finishing any rest resets the DC. You have huge guts, so now it’s time to put them to use.

17. Barbarian 12: Use your last ASI to grab the Tough feat for 34 HP now and 2 more every time you level up. If you’re not able to take a Meteor Swarm on the chin and keep on trucking, can you really call yourself Spartacus?

18. Barbarian 13: Your Brutal Critical improves, and now you add two dice to your critical hits. Again, not huge but appreciated.

19. Barbarian 14: The last goody from the berserker subclass is Retaliation, letting you react when a creature within 5′ of you hurts you to hurt them right back. Being a human wobbuffet is Spartacus’ entire deal, and now you can do exactly that.

20. Barbarian 15: Your capstone feature is Persistent Rage, meaning your rages now only end when you want them to.

Pros: 

You have All The Health. Nearly 300 hp, plus plenty of healing and temporary hp, plus damage reduction from rages. This is about as much health as you could possibly squeeze out of a build bar going full barbarian or powergaming as a barbarian/druid.

You also have multiple ways to heal yourself without using spells, meaning you’ll be able to rage without having to bother your healer too much.

Smites + on demand advantage = a lot of damage, fast. Grab an annoying spellcaster and start whaling on them until 20s pop out. 

Enhance ability and your Channel Divinity options let you quadruple your carrying capacity for some silly power. If somebody’s moving house, you could probably move their house, literally.

Cons:

Your damage without smites is rather lacking. Keeping a hand open for grapples and spells means you’re not holding any heavy weapons, so your brutal criticals are somewhat wasted.

A lot of your damage and advantage comes from grappling, so fast and flying enemies can be an issue. You can use a reckless attack for the same amount of advantage without having to grapple, but you’re here for a long time, not a good one.

Finally, rages and spells don’t mix. You’ll have to weigh out your options and -urgh- think about what the situation’s like before you give in to your rage. 

Just grab whoever’s oppressing your party the most, don’t let go until they stop moving, and everything will work out somehow.

Next up: It’s time to get Golden, baby!

[craveher]

So we've heard a bunch of sexual stuff so now a bit for the nitty gritty: what things make you happy, besides the unconditional love of your bf of course?

Aw this is cute 💖 I actually have a lot of little things now, things I never thought I’d have because my life is so different than when I was at my worst.

-this one Chinese place where Brendan grew up that has the absolute best vegan options. I literally go crazy for them haha

-my sketchbooks, I go through them all once in a while and I have about 7 now!

-picture of me and my adopted mom on my desk

-our new couch, it’s green velvet and we love it

-pretty much everything in our apartment. No room is really complete yet but we’re slowly filling it up

-my bio dad and family on his side. Now that he’s in my life I feel a lot better about my family. I understand where I get certain traits, physically and emotionally. And having pride in my Puerto Rican heritage is new and interesting to me! we’re all planning a trip to Puerto Rico once quarantine is done and more people are vaccinated

-Taylor Swift, Hozier, Bleachers, Lorde, all some of my favorite musicians I listen to daily. My whole Spotify makes me happy tbh. I make playlists for like everything

-Diet Pepsi. Favorite drink, obsessed and I will never not love going through a drive through and getting one, I think it’s just a childhood thing haha

-Harley Quinn, love the character and collect soooo much harley stuff, it’s slowly filling our office haha.

-snow globes! It’s dorky but I collect snow globes, one day I want to go to the first snow globe store that is being run by the family of the man who invented snow globes ☺️

-clothes, I love expressing my style because I grew up so afraid to. I wore what I thought looked cool (although poorly so I didn’t haha) and not what I liked. I used to have such cute outfits, like this vintage suspended pink striped skirt from the 70s that my great grandma made. But I was too scared to wear it to school, I just wore it at our house.

-I mean Sparty of course but that’s a given, like Brendan is 💖

-video games! My favorites are, Animal crossing, Stardew Valley, Deep Rock Galactic, Skyrim, the Sims, Beholder, lots of random indie games, Etc. I just started Stardew and made my farm cute so I’m happy about that!

-whiskey. Maybe that’s bad but I love good whiskey and a cigar once in a while. Brendan’s dad started it, now we all sit on the porch and smoke and drink together. He’s seriously a great person, I love Brendan’s family.

-movies, I watch soooo many movies. I can’t keep track of all my favorites because there’s so many at this point. Studio Ghibli ones are my go-tos for whatever mood I’m in. I’ve also watched Into the Spiderverse well over 30 times now, I just love the animation, story, and music so much.

-speaking of which, comic books. I read a lot, books in general but also a ton of comic books. Junji Ito, marvel, and DC are my favs but i do occasionally find some online I enjoy too.

-my siblings. I have 11 siblings and I’m close with all but one really. They mean a lot to me and I invite them over when I can but quarantine has been hard so we all have to wait to be vaccinated for them to be able to hang out indoors really.

-I know you mentioned Brendan but I have to really mention him myself. Our first place just to us and hes wonderful. He puts up with all my stupid shit, irrational jealousy and sadness, he just makes it all go away. He encourages me in therapy and helps me eat and he doesn’t expect anything in return. I do give him everything, my whole world. I spoil him endlessly in every way haha. We’ve really changed each other for the better. I met him a few days after my suicide attempt. I was giving up on dating for a while but fuck if I didn’t ignore that entirely when I saw him. I told everyone I was going to talk to him, and he came up first and I asked if he wanted to listen to some music with me and he agreed. It’s our favorite album to listen together now. We’ve been best friends since. I run around the house pantsless and dancing and chasing Sparty and trying to make him laugh in embarrassing and goofy ways and he just smiles and I feel great. Sorry for the rant, but I’ve realized that although I’m struggling with my ED, I genuinely have so much to be happy for and I’m so grateful.