#technically again since i already have one draft done lmao

[0lliemac]

got a whopping 236 words of writing/editing done today but that's 236 more words of writing/editing than I've gotten done in a good 2 weeks so I'm taking this as a win

[the-s1lly-corner]

Shut In (Eyeless Jack x reader oneshot!)

Basic plot: its really cold outside, and you urge Jack to stay in your home with you... he decides to stay despite knowing full well that he will be fine out in the freezing temperatures. You both decide to do things to pass the time and stay warm! Turns out Jack can make a mean cup of hot coco, too

Extra notes: I dont usually write fanfics, and the last one I've written was a personal one from late August... so to say I'm rusty and underexperienced is an understatement! I feel this one ended up a little.. weirdly paced imo but I think I'm still happy with the end result! Dialogue I feel I could have done better on but I'm going to be nice to myself since I mostly write hc posts so this is way out of my comfort zone.. Drafted on Tumblr then sent through google docs to pick up on some mistakes I missed, briefly reread no proper proof reading imo... lets hope this isnt a train wreck + it copied back to tumblr okay!! LMAO

Brief joke about pregnancy/making a pregnancy but its like one small snippet but I know that can make people uncomfortable + implies at least one of the characters is AFAB

Word Count: 2915

Extra Admin's note: I want to say again that I am so so happy about this blog hitting 1k followers, when I first started this blog I was originally going to use it to burn time and have something to do on the side, as well as having a place to put out my cringe ideas and hcs. I never thought this many people would be interested in my dumb thoughts, but here we are! I intend to keep writing this year, and perhaps even make more non-celebratory one shots this year? Maybe? I don't know I guess we'll see the reception on this fic!

It was the middle of the night, around the middle of January. Your boyfriend and you were holed up inside your apartment, you having locked the man up with you after seeing that it was below freezing out, as well as raining. You had to practically beg your boyfriend to stay with you for the night.

Your boyfriend, who also just so happened to be a man eating demon with tar dripping out of his hollowed out eye sockets. Your boyfriend, who was currently sitting still and staring forward, the only sound in the apartment coming from the dripping of your faucet. You had asked him to come visit you, it'd been a while... and he would never ever let you go to his cabin when it's this cold out. So here you both were now.

You pat the palms of your hands on your knees, sucking in one of your cheeks and working the flesh through your jaws for a moment. You were both technically stuck in the apartment now; you didn't want Jack to go out and risk getting sick, and Jack more than likely wouldn't want you to step out for the same reasons. So, you were both confined to what you already had within the space. You were about to open your mouth to speak but Jack broke the silence first. "You're shivering, do you want me to get some blankets?", blunt and almost robotic. He was never that expressive. "Or would you like to go to your room?" He added after a brief pause, his fangs poking just over his lip before he readjusted his mouth. You were both in the living room, sitting together on the couch; the front door to your left and a view of the kitchen to the right. You thought for a minute as your eyes lingered on the kitchen for a moment. You'd already eaten, before your partner arrived... but..

"That's fine, I'm probably going to make some hot coco," You pulled yourself up, stretching up. "Powdered stuff ooor..?" Jack mimicked you. You only shook your head, earning a disapproving look from him. "What?" You questioned, but he only dismissed you. "Why don't you get some blankets, I'll handle it," and he turned on his heel to make his way to the kitchen. "Maybe put on a movie, too, your choice." He added as his voice carried off. "Are you saying I can't cook?" You called back, following after him. No answer as he tugged out a pot. "I'll have you know-" you started once more

"Do you have half and half?" He was already opening your pantry to grab things.

"No, I don't,"

"Heavy cream? Whipping cream? Whatever it's called..." He mumbled as he placed various ingredients on the counter. Cocoa powder, vanilla, salt and sugar. You only nodded, and as he was about to begin working he paused. "Do you want anything else in it? Cinnamon? Nutmeg?" He paused and through gritted teeth, "Coffee?"

It was almost midnight, of course he would be opposed to you having caffeine so late.

"Cinnamon is fine," You watched him get to work. He measured everything out; even mixing the heavy cream with some milk to make a substitute for half and half.... was that really all it was? You weren't sure what you expected it to be, if it weren't..

He pulled his head up and stared at you. It was then that you noticed he had actually taken his mask off and set it at the end of the counter and out of the way. The black ooze dripping from his eyes was slow and posed little threat to dripping into your drink. He had a fistful of napkins on standby to dap his face dry should the flow quicken. "Aren't you going to get the blankets?"

You pat your hands on your thighs, pausing... watching him. His body had a warm glow on him from the old light bulb in the ceiling; it flickered every now and then. Under the yellowed light he almost looked healthy and alive, though there was no glint where his eyes should have been. His sharp nail tapping on the counter brought you back to the moment, blinking a few times. "Yeah.." you mumbled, defeated at the chance of making a drink for yourself stolen from you. But was that so bad?

You backed out of the kitchen, dragging your feet across the floor. Your apartment was.. a little on the smaller side so within a few steps you were in front of your bedroom door. You didn't really pay much attention to your surroundings as you shuffled through the blankets on the bed.. eventually you settled on just grabbing an arm full and waddling back to the living room, dumping everything you had grabbed onto the couch.

The house smelled of cinnamon and chocolate.. with a hint of vanilla.

Turning your gaze to the tv, your eyes scanned across the DVDs you had stacked messily. Nothing sounded good. "Is there anything you want specifically?" You called out as you settled yourself down criss cross in front of the tv and pulling all the cases onto the floor next to you. "Movie wise," You added as you pulled the first case into your hands. The DVD collection for Child's Play.. you had gotten it a few weeks ago, finding it on sale at your local store. You still hadn't popped it in to watch..

"I have.. Chucky, uhm..." You shuffled for the next case. "All the movies by the way.. I have that and.. most of the Friday the 13th movies," You called out. No answer, the only sound coming from the kitchen was the noise of a whisk gently being stirred. "I don't have Jason goes to hell... But!" You pulled out a third case with the Nightmare on Elm Street DVDs. "I DO have Freddy vs Jason," You mumbled and spread the three disks on the floor in front of you. Most of the disks you had, you noticed, were mostly older slasher movies. Still, Jack hadn't answered you. You pull yourself to your feet and trudge back into the kitchen. His back was to you, too preoccupied with the stove... He hadn't noticed you, not yet. An idea blossomed in your head, a smirk pulling itself across your lips. You steeled yourself, trying to force yourself to stop shivering.. Jack was always paying attention to his surroundings, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

You take a step forward and he still doesn't notice your approach.

Another step.

And another.

Jack wasn't the tallest, in fact if you wanted to you could rest your chin on his shoulder... and that's what you ended up doing, while wrapping your arms around his thick waist. You could feel his body seize up just a little bit against you, before relaxing. "You didn't answer, what sounds good?" You pulled your eyes down to look at the pot. Your drink was nearly finished. You view rocked as your boyfriend shrugged, still silent but the twitching of his pointed ears let you know he was listening.

"Anything's fine," Another shrug as he cuts the heat. "You're the one cooking for me, you get to pick the movie," You insisted. He paused mid-whisk, letting out a soft huff. Suddenly he spun around, his face just a few inches from yours. In the dimmed light his eye sockets seemed deeper, it's black ooze lazily dripping down his cheeks. You noticed the smudges on his face, from wiping the streaks. You briefly wondered what it was like to sleep with them, but your thoughts were cut short as he pulled a blackened and clawed hand to your hair; tucking a lock behind your ear. "How does...." He paused, sucking in his teeth. He looked almost embarrassed. "Bride of Chucky sound?"

"What? Want to study the characters again so we can dress up again this year for Halloween?" You tease. You had convinced him a few months ago to dress up with you. With him as Chucky, and you as Tiffany... It had taken some begging and convincing but you ultimately got him to agree. Although you didn't go out to get candy, you were both fine with staying inside watching movies together in costume. It was also that night you got him to watch the movies..

His ears darkened, before he scoffed. "No... actually this year I was thinking of..." He took a long pause, visibly scraping his brain for names of characters, before seemingly giving up. "Look I don't watch many movies I don't know any.. characters.." He grimaced, before gently pushing you off of him so he could turn his attention back to the hot cocoa. "We've still got nine months, more than enough time to come up with something..." You shrugged, then smirked. "Not enough time to make a Glen... or Glenda," You teased before turning on your heel. You held back a snicker as you heard Jack splutter, finally processing what you had just said to him.

"W-"

"I'm gonna go ahead and put in the disc, I'll leave it paused for you," You cut him off, still grinning to yourself as you kneeled down to do as you had said.

Soon enough Jack walked into the room with a mug, as well as a platter of cookies. "You didn't have to," You mumbled as you eyed the treats, but he only waved you off as he placed the plate and mug onto the coffee table. "You don't have to eat them, but I figured you might want a snack while watching the movie," He mumbled. You took the mug, and swirled the drink inside of it. "I hope I didn't put in too much cinnamon," Jack added as he watched you. He leaned over and started the movie.

You took a sip, smiling a little as the warmness crept in. "You did good, probably the best hot cocoa I've ever had." You offered a grin to him. "That has got to be the fakest compliment I've ever heard," Jack shot back, though you could see the corners of his mouth turning up just slightly. "Oh, I'm sorry! I believe this is the most decadent and satisfying beverage I've had ever been graced with in my life, and-" You began, only for Jack to hush you. "I'd rather you throw it on me, don't... say words like that again," He grumbled as readjusted himself into the couch. You took a sip and shrugged, "It's just absolutely immaculate," and he lightly smacked you on the arm. "I'm never making anything for you again," He snorted, before turning his attention to the movie.

You weren't going to lie, you felt a little bad treating yourself to the cookies, knowing Jack was unable to eat them without upsetting his stomach. Being a man-eating monster must really be hard. You purse your lips, and shoot a look at him from the corner of your eye. He must have been doing the same, because he turned his head to look at you. "Do you want to do something else?" He asked lightly, his grin from a few minutes ago already faded. "Do you ever miss eating.. food?" You asked before you could stop yourself. He didn't bother pausing the movie, instead he just fell silent and stared down, into the space between the two of you on the couch.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, I know it's a touchy subject for you," You mumbled and put the mug on the table. You sucked in the air between your teeth, flicking your eyes up to the movie, before bringing them back down to your lap. It stayed like that for a minute before Jack broke the silence. "I mean... yeah, I do. But at least I don't have to eat every day like you do, means I can have more time to do what I want," He said. Clearly, he was still bothered, tip-toeing around the big.. thing about him. The air was still tense and thick, all of the previous joking gone now. It was nearly unbearable. Nearly.

"You know," Jack began after a few more seconds of silence when you didn't reply. "I've never tried cinnamon in hot cocoa, I didn't know that was a thing people did," He was changing the subject. "You haven't?" You asked, raising a brow. He eyed your mug, but you both knew there was no way he was going to take a sip.

"It's really good," You mumbled, and took the drink, "The combo, I mean," You added. He hummed, patting his knees lightly. You swirled the drink again, watching the... what was it called? Those lighter swirls in the drink.. Did that have a name?

"You've had hot cocoa before, right?" You asked. He hummed again, nodding his head. "Well.. the cinnamon makes it warm. Taste wise.. It makes it.." You took a sip and thought for a minute. "Richer, I guess? It's hard to explain," You muttered, then looked back at him. You tore your eyes back down when you saw he was looking right at you, totally hooked onto your words. "I hear nutmeg goes good in it, too.. but I've only tried nutmeg and chocolate together in baked goods," You shrugged. "You did really good with this, you know... not too much cinnamon.. not spicy, at least." You smiled. He nodded, before turning back to the movie.

"Woody, I hear people describe cinnamon like that," He leaned back into the couch, a dull pop came from his back.

"Woody," You repeated, then took a large sip of the hot cocoa. You put the mug down onto the table, and leaned into your boyfriend as the warmth crept and settled into your bones. You weren't even paying attention to the movie, your mind was now occupied with how tired you were. Your eyes slipped up to the clock on the wall, It was nearly one in the morning. Had it only been an hour since Jack walked himself into the kitchen?

You lean deeper into Jack, not caring about his body's natural chill. His clothing still smelled a little like the cocoa from earlier.. "Gotta invest in some cologne, you smell nice like this," You mumbled into his arm. "The cinnamon?" He asked, not looking down at you. "No.. the cocoa, I mean cinnamon would be a nice touch... but you don't seem like a sweet smelling guy, do you?" You muttered. "Are you already getting tired?" Jack asked, and he leaned over you to grab the remote, pausing the movie. You muttered, the heat of the hot cocoa doing way more than you expected on the tiredness you didn't notice you had. "A little," You shrugged, "But we can still try to finish the movie," You offered, but he shook his head. Of course he would, as much of a hard ass or party pooper he came off as, he was going to make sure you were going to get your rest.

You put your hand in his, the one that had the remote.. you unpaused the movie. He paused it, and you unpaused it again. It kind of kept up like this before Jack conceited and kept it playing, although he did lower the volume.. The subtitles were already on, though. "I win," You smirked up at him, before crawling into his lap. You placed your head on his chest, pausing when you felt him stiffen before relaxing against you. His heart beat for a moment before settling to its barely there rhythm. For a minute you thought about asking about his heart, as far as you knew he explained himself like he was becoming a walking corpse... how does that work?

You decided against it, you already asked about him earlier.. and besides, your mind was already beginning to blank as Jack reached to the side of the couch, and turned the lamp off.. It was dark now. It was still raining, you could more clearly hear the drops outside now that the movie was turned down. Plus, Jack was running his fingers through your hair, lightly massaging your scalp. It wouldn't be long until you finally gave in and fell asleep.

"Are you going to still be here in the morning?" You asked, melting into his chest as he hummed in response. "Plan on it, I still need to clean up the kitchen," He added as he curled your hair around his hand. "It'll still be cold in the morning," He added, "I need to make sure you bundle up before you go out for work," He added. "I'm not that dumb," You muttered and lightly slapped his arm. You swear, if he still had his eyes he would have rolled them.

"How do you see? I know you're not.. a normal person, but," You blurted out, lifting your head. He pushed your face back down, shushing you. "Sleep," He ordered, before loosening his hold on you a bit so you could get comfortable. It wasn't an order but it may as well have been with how your body started to loosen into him within the next few minutes, quickly snuffling out your curiosity and questions.

He'd still be here in the morning, you could pester him then. After all, it's what he signed up for when the two of you started to date one another..

[bentosandbox]

Lappy fancam animatic blogging/production notes

now that wolfgirlyaoi is out on global its rambling time about my powerpoint presentation

Concept

Originally I wanted to do an (Tex & Lapp) animatic with the boss theme (broken wall/Signore dei Lupi .mp3) ever since the event dropped but I thought 1) by the time I finished anything someone else would have probably already done it first (lol, lmao even) 2) I remembered the song exists and how much i looped it then while listening to the group's new album drop and thought the lyrics fit Lapp a little too well and also doesn't end abruptly like the boss theme + was shorter so yea

initial stickman storyboard where i put down the lyrics with event dialogue/happenings that i felt would fit nicely together > hastily scribble the images that form in my head

storyboards were basically what i wanted to see (same rule as my comics) lol especially if they weren't shown in the event CGs, eg. there's a CG of the truck crashing into the courtroom so I didn't do that but they didn't mention her physical acting in that scene + the song I used has a bow/salute at that exact part in their live choreo with the very similar line so I wanted to do a homage even though-

-I was like it's going to be such a pain to figure out an economical hand twirl and bow but I have to do this I need to transplant the image in my brain onto the screen because official media did not do a—

Honestly still don't know if its a common phrase and action combo because I was having so much trouble finding external references that wasn't just scrubbing the live video over and over anyway

part of the storyboards were 'recycled' from comic drafts I did (of the chocolate scene because ofc) when the event was running on CN

Originally I wanted to draw Lapp feeding Texas for The Girlyaoi Funny but I wanted to reference the plaque you get which is a Creation of Adam reference right but I also saw people saying it's referencing the scene from Silence of the Lambs lol so...peel the layers to your liking!!

(The chocolate flavour choice was from asking my Columbian friends what the worst chocolate flavour they ever tried which was white coconut)

my sorry attempt at colour keys > final spreadsheet to keep track of progress and paste all the dialogue i put in

Art Direction

A bunch of shots/colour schemes are references to Måneskin's stuff or other media tehepero I'll just put a few here

At first I was going to limit red/blue to tex/lapp respectively but since Omertosa is blue I just did away with that rule and lapp gets to have both (and more!) these two colours have pretty obvious emotional readings I think but also

red = self blue = society Siracusa or: red = yaoi & blue = yuri

for the others:

Purple = Alberto/Saluzzo, its not orange like the fruit he keeps holding because see below; I needed the colour for something else LOL Also the Saluzzos are iirc nobility or whatever and they have purple hints in their clothes so I think it was a good fit anyway

Yellow/Orange = Its supposed to be representing the last word in the story which apparently, yostar went with 'Savagery' which is Correct I guess but (laments again about how nuance is lost in localisation because imo savagery has a more derogatory kind of connotation while I think 蛮荒 in context of the story also has a 'nature/untouched by civilisation' side to it) which is why Texas setting the house on fire was not (entirely) red but orange (and it complements the blues both visually and thematically) and it's yellow at the end when they're frolicking(?) in the wilderness lol

(these colour rules don't apply to the penglog shot and technically a few frames like the shot with shocked penance, the one right after and 'im just lappy' because...i forgor my own rules lol)

The greens/teals were just a reference to the shades in the 3DPV I think

The silhouette/general style was inspired from the 3D teaser thing they had at the beginning of the 3.5 anniversary stream and the card suits that I..forgot to move to the other layers which is why only the green one had them (supposed to be 1 per set 💀)

The clash bit is basically the same as the event CG but with a flipped camera/POV sorry for world's worst screenshot lmao. Couldn't imagine the poses in my head so I ended up posing 3d models in CSP pretty good posing practice

These shots got rendered extra because..they were the first frames I started on and I was still figuring out how much to simplify lol

I also posed the chairs shot for some inexplicable reason…my file was lagging so bad

Headcanon part (kind of)

The childhood flashback scene is probably the part I took the most liberties (headcanon) on since it's not explicitly canon like the rest...the sequence/how I connected the scenes itself to fabricate a timeline of her childhood was kind of inspired by some weibo post musing about how (iirc) texas's sweet tooth maybe came from when she was being fostered at casa Saluzzo and Lapp treating her like a pet essentially and giving her a lot of treats since...you know what happened to her actual pet hehe except maybe texas offered her a stick first and then Lappy just reciprocated endlessly because its one of the few 'acts' she knew that wasn't violence haha yeah this section was basically a stealth doujin sorry

It's mentioned that she was brought up as the ideal Siracusan or whatever and she does the cute doodle in the 3DPV so I thought she probably had the Forced Music Lessons as a kid (The music sheets are Bella Ciao and of course)

The bow choreo was the one thing i really wanted to animate but the music sheet segment (based on that one split second shot above) ended up being my favourite part even though compositing the motion was a mini hell on it's own (ended up compiling a long png to scroll by with the red doodles layered over)

Other things

I will never live down my (self-imposed) shame of misspelling the title (I fixed the title on youtube but its why the ending shot in the upload says ZittE e Buoni instead of ZittI e Buoni) don't rush your fancam in 10 days 😔

I didn't look through the entirety of the EN loc but Idk why they had Lappy say 'Then go.' to Texas when it's supposed to be more like 'Let's go.' as in, 'let's go together' as opposed to 'alright off you go to the greyhall alone' lmfao also her saying goodbye forever padre when addio is right there

I don't think I'm insane enough to do another ppt soon but man this pair really makes the 'imagines a whole music video while listening to music' part of my brain go wheee like first it was Starset's Manifest then Signore de Lupi then this and while working on this one i was thinking how Måneskin's Torna A Casa would be another good track

ok ty for reading #GIRLYAOIREAL

[pawseds]

I convinced our Delta Green game master to have a play-by-post (basically text roleplay) section in our game's server and uhhhhh maybe I've been having too much fun with it. Writing is faster than drawing comics, what can I say?

(Long ramble about writing stories below hehe oops)

While we're here! A bit about writing: I like writing! I've written for loger than I've drawn for (because school). I think I'm better at writing than drawing for that reason (I'm more confident at least). I've written short stories. I've written short stories about TTRPG things. I've also written a ~100k word novel by hand for 2 years. While writing it, I had 'writing class' (technically AS/A level Ennglish Language classes). It was the only class I had confidence in and high expectations for.

With those 2 combined, I burnt out pretty quick LOL. Specifically, I had a big perfectionism issue because of the high expectations I had from my teacher and especially myself -- it was the one thing I knew excelled at in school, so I better do it well! After I was done with the novel and A levels, I was supposed to edit the novel. It's been years and I haven't done it yet, and I wouldn't write non-assignment stories (except 2) until now. Writing became more nerverwracking than it was fun, so why would I?

To get back to the PBP thing: I've been in a campaign that was fully PBP. With my mindset being the way it is, hey! This is just one big writing exercise, so I ran along with that and had fun with it. I saw how some players would make their own PBP and essentially monologue/have a scene only with their PC. That was cool to see.

And now, my current Delta Green campaign (tagged 'Helvetia'). Hrothgar (guy in drawing) and his kids were ported over from a previous D&D campaign (the fully PBP one!), so the crew had a very well defined background already. Of course I get tons of drawing ideas for them, except I don't have the time to draw them all (compsci hard). But since the server has a PBP section, I had like 2 weeks to kill between session 0 and 1, and I was bursting with ideas... I made a lot of solo PBPs that were essentially short stories.

It didn't quite hit me until some time ago, but the PBPs actually made me enjoy writing again -- enjoy it a lot more, in fact! I think the format of Discord threads and messages removed most perfectionism tendencies I had. I just had to fire the story away, message by message. It didn't have to be amazing, and it was fun! (Also I really don't know how to shut up with them LOL)

I'll definitely be cleaning these PBPs up and posting them here as stories. Some of them are just silly, fun, slice-of-life character sketches. (These were the stories I wrote after my novel... and yes, they were about my other set of Delta Green characters LMAO) (and I've posted them here under pawsedswrite btw!) But some I see as legitamite short stories that I would edit more heavily and present as a short story. They were the kinds I could see myself writing on a document rather than on Discord.

Well, I lied. 'I would edit' is false. I have already edited one, because I spent like 5-6h writing this one PBP (oops) instead of writing the draft for my short story class/elective (oops 2). I joked to my two friends saying that I could just submit it as my assignment. Apparently, they both really liked it and said the dialogued slapped. So I did!

I procrastinated like hell on it though, because I was very nervous to go back into the PBP with an axe to edit it. Being in a writing class where nearly everyone else has been formally studying writing for some years kinda puts some pressure on ya!

Like the last assignment (which I'll post here after editing), I had a lot of worries. But the feedback and grade I got from my last assignment, the peer review I got from the current one, and also the support from those two friends (shoutout @katastrofish <3) made me feel more confident in myself. And also the fact that I had a lot of fun editing the PBP!

Uhhh this ramble was way longer than expected LMFAO if you've made it this far, damn, thanks for reading! If you also write or have similar experiences, feel free to share em. And have a good day!

(bonus POV editing)

[nebulousfishgills]

writing asks!

5, 6, 9 [crimson, bright, or under], 25, 26, 48, 57, 63 [His Tenebris Moenibus], 72, 77

Thanks! Sorry, I would have answered this sooner, but I spent most of today doing training modules for work and my brain is friiiiied.

Anyways, let's see what we have here...

5 - How many WIPs do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for?

All my current WIPs are under the Stranger Things and/or Twilight umbrella.

Necrosis: Diplopia's sequel, a more freeform fic based on the many (...many) wonderful fics I've read. The fic deals primarily with... I'll call it Emily's Involuntary Character Development by Phoenix Wright-Related Means. Posted chapters: 5/?

The Weirdo From St. Valentina's: I know this one was originally a one shot, but someone in the comments flattered me by saying it should be a longfic, and I have more ideas, go figure. So I have another chapter partially drafted and maybe a few more after that? Posted chapters: 1/? (Three or four maybe)

Stranger Things One-Shots: I have a few one-shots I have already written and a few I want to finish/write. As of now I have a total of I think 4 that I have yet to publish, three are done and one I need to finish.

Twilight One-Shots: There are fewer of these, in fact right now I only have one that's in the works, however given that my top priority is the Twilight longfic and I have some of those later chapters done for when I get to them, it evens out. There also miiiiiight be one in the future that doesn't involve Emily at all...

So I don't know how those totals work out. A lot, it's a lot of WIPs.

6 - What is the last line you wrote?

"Lead the way."

Context: Emily says this to a character that she's gonna take a walk with to a location after a very... we'll call it an introspective conversation. I can't say much for spoilers' sake, but this is one of those "later Necrosis chapters."

(I know I posted a one-shot called The Third Rule to celebrate Stranger Things 4's one year anniversary, but technically that was one of those one shots I wrote a while ago, so none of those lines were 'the most recent line.')

9 - Does [word chosen by asker] appear in a WIP?

Crimson - Surprisingly, no lol

Bright - She had just the prettiest, brightest hazel eyes, I could practically see every color imaginable in them.

(That counts, right?)

Under - He hasn't had a singer in 305 years, not since 1593. It's amusing how the humans are still under the impression that the poor man was killed in a bar fight. That's what Chelsea told me, at least.

Dang, those are from the same WIP lol, again, one of my Necrosis chapter drafts (although this one is gonna be on deck soon).

Also I should note the italics are indicating that this is a quote someone is reading. This is a scene of someone reading someone else's writing.

25 - What is your favorite part of the writing process?

Honestly, it depends on my mood. But in general I really like developing characters. Their traits, their relationships, all that fun stuff. It fits together like a nice puzzle and I just get to be creative. Writing aside but in a similar vein, I also like coming up with character concept sketches and making character playlists. Both of those things can be a massive help to the writing side of the equation as well.

26 - What is your least favorite part of the writing process?

...can I say the actual writing part? I mean, I don't hate it, sometimes the act of writing is a huge stress reliever, but the problem arises when I either a) have the motivation but not the time or b) the desire to write but the inability to actually execute the process for any number of reasons. I need to plan more, I don't wanna type, I'm tired and would just rather daydream about the fic... the list goes on lmao.

48 - Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you've started writing for that fandom?

This is an interesting question since I love writing for all the characters I write for. Some more than others, sure. I mean, obviously I love writing stories about Emily, else I wouldn't keep doing it. But like Emily, I'm very attached to both of her long term boyfriends and love getting to write for both of them. Although I thiiiiiink Henry takes the edge.

It really just comes down to how creative I feel like being on that day. When I'm in the mood to be more creative I like writing for the Twilight characters more since... there's very little canon material to work with, forcing me to fill in the gaps. Giving more depth to characters like Jane or Sulpicia is such a joy, even if it's born of annoyance.

57 - How conscious are you about adding symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

Incredibly. I try to make every single thing in my fics very intentional, down to using specific words in simple sentences or dialogue. For example, this excerpt from Diplopia:

If you know, you know, and you know this will be important later... and that it is not gonna be pretty. Foreshadowing is one of my favorite tropes because it gives a fic re-read value to go back and look for hints.

63 - What was the hardest part of writing His Tenebris Moenibus?

Many little things, but it all boils down to balance. Balancing Emily's shitty personality to still make her a somewhat likeable character that you want to keep engaging with. Balancing content and information in the show with keeping the story fresh (i.e. Henry telling Emily his backstory in a different way than he presents it in Episode 7 while still getting the same information across... admittedly in retrospect writing out his entire monologue when we eventually get to the massacre might have been unecessary, but I did it anyways cause I love and adore that scene, sue me). Balancing out how Emily interracts with people like Eddie so her presence in that part of the story doesn't seem forced or weird.

72 - What's your favorite writing compliment you've gotten?

I appreciate and adore every compliment I've ever gotten on my writing since they're all very special to me. Obviously the analysis comments you give me and I get stronger with every "good characterization" comment (I might be able to fight god soon). I even got compliments on Necrosis from someone whos fics I have not only read multiple times but have gone absolutely feral over... It's like publishing a short horror story and Stephen King telling you he felt creeped out reading it.

But I think the greatest compliments I've gotten are from people who've told me my writing changed their outlooks and minds on characters, Henry specifically. You've said this once or twice and I actually got @ohitshoneybee on the full blown Henry hype train... arguably initially because I put him through an emotional ringer with Diplopia and she felt bad for him, but still. This is a character I care about very much, more than I ever expected to, and it gives me a sense of pride that I can essentially make people somewhat see him the way I see him.

77 - Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

Oh, many reasons. Putting my own creative spin on my favorite fandoms, exploring ideas and adding extra dimensions to pre-existing lore... and making people have emotional breakdowns. Are you really a fanfic writer if at some point you haven't gone full Helmo?

I think the most recent example is the fact that it's allowed me to take my childhood nemesis franchise, Twilight, and give it my own three-dimensional makeover. I basically started with Mopey, Angry, and Creepy with their (remaining) wives, Druggie One and Druggie Two. I put some thought and work into it and now instead of two dimensional, one trick ponies, I have full characters I can mold and play with.

Stephenie Meyer, if you're ever reading this, call me and I can have an entire guidebook whipped up to give your characters a full revamp (no pun intended).

I take cash, checks, or Venmo.

[twelvemagpies]

oh hell, y'all

i think this is all (?) of the possible emojis, so i'm just gonna answer them all under a cut

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year?

to actually enjoy writing again! in 2021 and the first bit of 2022, writing became yet another obligation for me to get done, and i tried to be fine with it by justifying it as being the one thing that was an obligation i had to myself as opposed to everything else. which is ofc obviously a totally normal and perfectly reasonable way to approach something

i finally had to bully myself into just flat-out Not Writing—not opening or looking at or starting anything until i actually wanted and was looking forward to writing again. which is a point i’ve reached, thank fuck, so this year i really want to approach writing as a thing i actually enjoy and something i can do for myself in the midst of the rest of the shitshow i have going on

🛳 Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.)

no ships i’m specifically wanting to, tbh (but since i’m looking forward to writing for new fandoms, i’m obvs looking forward to writing ships in them)

🤔 Are there any new characters you want to write about?

writing bruce wayne is gonna be interesting, i think

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

actually, fewer people know i had original shit than fic! most of my friends irl are people i met through fandom and fic to begin with. people irl who don’t know i write are people i don’t share anything about my life with anyway

🥵 Any plans to write steamy or spicy content this year?

more than likely fjdklfsfds

👻 Is there a new genre you’d like to write?

might fuck around with horror

🦄 Is there a new POV you’d like to try writing?

not in particular? though a thousand years ago i wrote some second-person POV stuff that i quite liked, so i might try my hand at that again

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?

to actually write!

🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you’d like to return to?

oh hell yeah, i’ve got a shitwack of witcher and hobbit stuff, plus yyh and ygo stuff i’d like to clear out of my drafts eventually

🍄 Are there any fandoms you’ve never written for but want to try?

fjdklfsfd i’ve got drafts now for shit i never thought i’d write for, so i’m gonna go with dc(e)u and merlin even though i technically have something written for them already

🌈 What research do you plan on doing for your writing?

this is my favourite question bc it implies that i ever plan on doing research at all.....90% of the time, i get ideas for fics bc i’m already looking up something anyway for funsies

✨ What’s one area of your writing that you think needs the least amount of improvement?

I’m definitely never hurting for fic ideas! blessing and a curse, lmao

🥕 What’s one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement?

i don’t know if it’s a writing thing exactly, but i need to chill tf out if i don’t get done exactly what i plan to for a fic/writing stint/etc, bc this is something i enjoy and not another thing i’m Beholden To

🫘 Spill the beans. What’s a new project you’re doing this year?

it’s not exactly a new project by any means, considering i started drafting it in fucking 2021, but i have this massive witcher au fic that i told myself i was absolutely never gonna write.........and then i outlined and wrote shit for 27 chapters and vague ideas for a sequel, so. uh. would be cool as hell if i could start posting that this year!

🥳 How are you going to celebrate when you achieve one of your writing goals?

well fjdklfs first i think i gotta not Die Inside if i don’t meet a goal, which i’m gonna call a celebration in and of itself

🎃 Do you plan on writing any seasonal fics?

not really! i think i have a few fics that are set in Specific Seasons, but none of them are really seasonal

🐾 Do you plan on writing for any fests or competitions?

not this year :/ last year i told myself i wasn’t gonna do any fests/bangs......and i didn’t, but also i didn’t really write so i don’t think it counts. plus for the last few bangs have just been so deeply cursed for me! like the wildest shit has gone wrong during them that i’m gonna give it a minute before i do another one

✍️ Which stat matters most to you (if at all!): subscriptions, kudos/favorites, comments, bookmarks, word count, or hits?

none of them really matter to me any more than the others, tbh!

👾 Do you have any “bad” writing habits you want to break?

setting wildly unreasonable writing goals, like things that i can accomplish, but just burn me the fuck out or are set for an unreasonable checkpoint or arbitrary deadline

🤖 Are you looking to change your current writing setup? (Or establish one, if you don’t have one?)

i’m gonna try to be better about setting time aside to write! which actually means that i gotta be better about setting time to do everything else and leaving myself time to write. i have a hard time leaving my work at work (and my work has......a very hard time being left at work, lmao), which then eats into time i need to do shit around the house and other stuff, which then obviously i need to do before i can write, and then it’s two in the fucking morning and i have to be up at six

🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you’re dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

it’s from that big witcher au :/ it’s not the first bit of Big Exposition that i need to do, but it’s just so fucking clunky

💥 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you’re most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

i had a really hard time picking something, which i’m taking as a good sign! but this is from a tmfu fic that i’ll.......theoretically......post this year

🍕 Will you be making any changes to your posting schedule (if you have one)? (Or do you want to establish a posting schedule?)

love posting schedules! would love to have one someday! but tbqh i’d like to post a fic a month this coming year, so we’ll see how that goes. (well ideally i’d like to churn something out every couple of weeks, but i’m also trying to have Realistic Expectations for myself)

🛏 Is there a new trope you’d like to write this year?

nothing specific, tbh!

🪩 Do you have any “good” writing habits you want to cultivate?

my outlining/editing system is pretty decent, so i want to get into the swing of writing again to work on to organize all my new shit in a way that makes sense

🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don’t meet your goals?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i will. be very chill about it. it will be fine and i’ll just adjust my goals. :)

💌 Are you willing to take requests or prompts for writing?

i figure i gotta first actually get some ancient fucking drafts done and out before i commit to prompts.....but maybe eventually!

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

[onekisstotakewithme]

For the writing ask.... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 🥰

(yes I know I thought very hard lmao)

I meeeean why mess with success! 🥰💜

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Current Project #1 is my Back to the Future AU. It follows the plot of the movie fairly faithfully with one twist - since Doc is Daniel Pierce, in 1955, he has a son named Hawkeye. It's going well, I'm most of the way done the first draft and hope to post it in a few weeks. What do I love most about it? Aside from the fact that it's one of my most beloved hyperfixations with a twist? Blending the movie canon with my own personal canon!

Current Project #2 is a Charles/Donna fic set during Mr & Mrs Who, and it's nice because I haven't written much for them lately and they're like an old friend (funny enough since the project is FOR an old friend... not naming names 🥰🤭)

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project?

Hehe... I mean TECHNICALLY I answered this already, but I'm answering it again with the "yessir that's our baby au my beloved <33" answer. Goddamn, I want to write it so bad, like @ the timing... be right.

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I mean, I should have an answer for this, but of course, my mind is blank! Naturally...

The other three under the cut

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like).

I mean, you know it's gotta be the coming out scene from Spies.

“No,” he says, and holds his breath, expecting the worst with what he’ll say next. “I’m not exactly… interested in sex. At all. Really more the… opposite, actually. I mean, I’m not… I’m not attracted to anyone in... that way.”

And just like that, with his halting explanation, the threshold has been crossed.

There’s a pause, during which Charles waits, his heart beating like the drum of a death march, and he can’t read Donna’s reaction, which makes it hard to breathe. How easily this illusion could all be shattered.

And then Donna says casually, “So... does that mean you’re asexual?”

The relief hits him, sharp and bright, and he nearly chokes on the lump rapidly forming in his throat. “You mean you understand what that means?”

“Well I’ll confess that I don’t understand it perfectly , and I know there’s lots of… variables, but I…” she shifts slightly, clearly nervous, judging by the hesitation in her voice. “I sort of… kind of read up about asexuality.”

He’s thunderstruck. “You mean… you knew ?”

“Well I didn’t-” She’s definitely flustered now, worrying at her lower lip with her teeth again. “I didn’t know exactly, and it wasn’t my place to ask , but I… I know you, and I wondered. And I didn’t want to… to be ignorant if you were. You… you mean too much to me for that.”

“I… what?” he asks, her words sinking in. “I…”

“You mean too much to me,” she repeats, softly. “Every part of you, because you’re my colleague and my friend, and… and you matter, how can you not know this?”

“I do know,” he says around the lump in his throat. “I do , Donna, I just hadn’t realized how much.”

“It’s a hell of a lot,” she says, and then clears her throat. “But just because I care about you, it… it doesn’t mean you have to tell me anything.”

“Yes, I do, and I want to,” he says softly, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I am. I’m asexual.”

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Oh... uh.... it definitely used to be Hawkeye. Nowadays... hmmm.... Peg maybe? Probably still Hawkeye, somewhat.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

James T. Kirk is a big romantic nerd and I love writing him... but also the Swamp Rats are a delight and all of the ladies who can keep them on their toes.

Thank you Blueeee 💜🥰

[wavesmp3]

directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding. 

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that) 

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing... 

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who 

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute 

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long 

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter 

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up 

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized 

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me 

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be 

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth. 

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me 

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about 

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” /  “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi 

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg 

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad 

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears 

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much 

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft 

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.”  it hurts so bad im sorry 

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!”  I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.” 

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b 

this whole part... chills bro 

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works 

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah 

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much 

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao 

[basilrazzledazzle]

dating the haikyuu boys, pt 2

y'all REALLY liked that last one omg so here's a few more.

(a/n: i have written kageyama's part three times and oikawa's twice why can't this stupid app SAVE MY DRAFTS)

anyway this one is dedicated my one and only follower you're a real one homie 😌

Kageyama Tobio

he was the one to ask you out

tbh he had probably been pining for a hot minute before he finally got himself together

you had been helping him in class during free time because ya boy isn't the smartest and needed someone to help him study

and one day he was watching you explain a concept and he couldn't help but notice wow uh,,, y/n is really cute,, wait what??

anyway there's a big test coming up and our boy kags is stressing

so you volunteer to help him after school

but he has practice

so you both decide that you'd go to his house after practice

so you meet him at the school and you guys walk together

and you hadn't really talked about your personal lives

but he told you about how much volleyball and his friends meant to him

which was kinda wild because you had always thought of him as cute but intimidating

so anyway you stayed over for a little over an hour but it was getting late

and as you're getting ready to leave he volunteers to walk you home

you oblige because it's getting late plus you don't mind the thought of being together in the dark

and turns out he's just an absolute dork because he's cracking jokes the whole way home

and before you go inside he gets kinda flustered

"hey y/n?"

"mhm?"

"would you uh,, wanna hang out this friday?"

"but we don't have any tests or anything monday??"

just bc you're tutoring him doesn't mean you're not a dumbass

"no like a,, uh like a date"

o h

you agree ofc because who in their right mind would turn him down

i really think he would do something like taking you to an aquarium

mostly because he likes to watch you get excited over all the colorful fish

i've decided that kageyama doesn't know what to do with pda

because ya boy definitely gets flustered easily

however

he could never get upset with your affection

so you guys talked a lot during school but i feel like the most pda that would happen would be like hand holding

anyway after a couple weeks of dating you're walking to his house with him

and you mention that you're kinda chilly and wish you had brought your sweater

this boy has his jacket off in an instant

and also insists you wear it when he walks you to your house after "studying"

and you're wearing it at lunch the next day

and hinata asks kags why you have it

and since our favorite tangerine cannot keep his mouth shut, half the school knows by the end of the week

Oikawa Tooru

he asked you

he knew he had almost all of the school wrapped around his finger

except you were always one to call him out on his bullshit

and he found that hot

anyway he was kind of low-key flustered when he was asking you out

the two of you were both the captains of your volleyball teams

so you had that in common

and his excuse to talk to you was for you to teach him how to gain the respect of his teammates

you said he couldn't get anyone's respect if he continued to act as arrogant as he did

which kinda threw him off

but he asked you out anysay

you. laughed.

"are you serious?"

"why wouldn't i be serious??"

you agreed to ONE date

but it turned into several

anyway

this boy LIVES to show you off

would literally swoop by your locker in between classes just to give you a kiss

low-key clingy asf

one day you mysteriously found his volleyball jacket in your locker

you could take a hint

he saw you wearing it after school and OH BOY

he was whipped

you probably could've gotten away with murder if you had been wearing his jacket, he thought

lots of movie dates at his house

and even though he liked to talk a lot he was surprisingly a good listener

mostly because he thought it was hot seeing you angry as you wanted over the latest bullshit

it took him a bit to open up to you tbh

but he became very vulnerable about how he was scared to let down his team

on another note

he knew he could get anything he wanted when he was wearing his glasses

god he's such an asshole

but so attractive

Daichi Sawamura

he asked you out but also technically didn't

but boy was FLUSTERED

like he was so nervous

even though you guys had a pretty good relationship already and had amazing chemistry

you guys had been friends for a while

and you were hanging out at the library

supposedly studying but in reality most of the time had been spent joking around and goofing off

he was really trying his best to stay on task but you kept finding memes that you just had to show him

so you leaned over close to him with your phone in hand

and your boy just went for it

he pulled away almost immediately though

"y/n i am so sorry i shouldn't have done that-"

you kissed again him just to shut him up

which he was completely okay with

but then you realized you were in a library

where making out was generally frowned up

it took a minute before you officially became a couple though

tbh you were probably wearing his jacket before you were official

and when you were wearing his jacket??

oh boy

you could have gotten your way with anything

he was so whipped and seeing you in his clothes just had him wrapped around your finger

dates with him were probably pretty casual tbh

lots of cuddling at each other's houses while watching netflix

arguments only happen because you don't like him overworking himself

even then it's not a full blown argument

he'll just keep doing what he's doing (homework, volleyball shit, etc) and give you some bs excuse about him having to hold himself to high standards

other than that he's extremely agreeable and willing to compromise with anything

ugh i just love him sm

Hinata Shoyo

you asked him

you had most of your classes together and found his cheerfulness infectious

and one day you were in the courtyard setting a volleyball against the wall and you heard him come up behind you

"hey y/n!! will you set to me?"

after that you guys had an immediate friendship

plus you lived near each other, so when he didn't have practice, you guys walked together most of the way home

he was very energetic and practically bouncing the whole way home

so one day you decided to just go for it

"hey shoyo, are you busy this friday?"

he wasn't

"do you wanna,, i dunno, hang out?"

"what, do you wanna practice?"

ugh he's so oblivious what a dummy

"no, like a date"

boy turned RED he didn't know what to do

"uh, y-yeah! sure!"

idk i feel like going to a park with him would be cute

y'all would get some sort of fast food to take with you and just hang out on the swings and talk

it was chill but also allowed him to move around a lot because you already know this boy cannot sit still

anyway you were walking back that night and he noticed you shiver

bc it was kinda chilly

and he's like "hey y/n are you cold?"

and you assure him you're fine

but he insists you take his jacket anyway

because wow a gentleman

and surprisingly it's tsukishima who notices you with it on monday because you had first period with him

"hey what're you doing wearing shorty's jacket, y/n?"

"y/n's and i are dating, thank you very much! they can wear my jacket as they please."

tsukki couldn't believe it

neither could anyone else tbh

but you were both happy and that's all that mattered :))

ahh anyway that's what i have for them. i hope u enjoy these!! i really have fun writing them but they take forever omg

feel free to request a one shot / imagine or something like this!! i need something to fill my time lmao

anyway thank u for reading!! please like n reblog (if u wanna, ofc) ily all!!

[pastelpastilles]

𝔽𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝 𝕋𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤

Oh, you thought my last retrospective was the end?

I can finally talk talk talk again, which is a beautiful and freeing feeling. These are sort of scattered, lost thoughts, because I just wanted to summarize the last 3 generations and some of the Process(tm) behind everything.

General Story Thoughts

Vampires really have been part of the story since the beginning. I really presented berry simblr with this weird, sorta spooky family with bat ears and fangs and tried passing them off as totally normal folks. Somehow, that worked? Dreams do come true.

Originally, Luna was going to live in Forgotten Hollow, but I changed that very last minute. Like, right after I started playing.

The vampires were actually supposed to come to the forefront in Gen 2--Verity Vine was supposed to “sense” them right after her first date with Ries (there’s a scene of her glancing behind her as they leave that clearing, the vampires were actually there!) I pushed them back to Gen 3 and I’m glad I did! I was able to create all the Forgotten Founder lore.

I actually feel pretty good about this as a “first draft.” I know what things I would change now, what should be tightened up.... Even from the first attempt at a reboot.

Now that you know about the vampires, I can explain more about how heirs are chosen... It’s the bat ears. If a child has bat ears, I generally roll to see if they have fangs.

In addition to bat ears and fangs, heirs usually do have some supernatural talent, one that might not be obvious at first. It may or may not come up in the future, but for reference...

Verity Vine is a natural dreamwalker, which we have known since the beginning.

Kabinett was seeing glimpses into the future, guys. He was having prophetic dreams the whole time. That’s why I kept insisting he wasn’t dreamwalking.

Had Maddy been Turned, she would have very much been a Succubus... Her talent is literally being desirable.

Generation 3 Thoughts

From the moment I knew I was doing “double heirs,” I knew Kabi was going to die. Really. It made it very... strange, to finally reach that point, in story, when I had already made my mental peace with it years ago.

The biggest changes were OJ’s path, and Maddy’s final form. Maddy was supposed to lose her memories, and would be forever trying to figure out what happened that night (which is sad)! 

Obviously, the biggest inspirations for Gen 3 were 80s movies and Stranger Things, as well as... Frozen! Elsa & Anna were lowkey inspirations for Kabi and Maddy, and I remember once saying that Kabi’s love story was “more Frozen and less romantic.” 

I think, if I do redo gen 3, I would make that clearer--I think at the end of the day, Kabi and OJ both sort of confused their “I love you but more than a friend” feelings. Kabi’s greatest concern was really always that OJ wouldn’t be part of his family.

Epilogue Specific Thoughts

Each epilogue was a scene I wanted to include when I was planning on a much, much longer (but different) storyline.

Kabinett’s first reveal was always going to be to Luna, after she and Maddy returned from their trip. I cut the events of their trip, though. They aren’t that important to Maddy’s arc, really. That became the first epilogue.

Sage was always going to stick around and be Maddy’s rock, so once I decided Maddy was going the vampire hunter route, I knew Sage needed to be the Willow she was always meant to be. Thus, her epilogue.

The third epilogue was actually just going to be an edit. I wanted to give The Sauce and the Murder Barn a proper send off, and originally it was to Chainsaw by Nick Jonas... And then Taylor dropped folklore and we got exile featuring the Sauce’s Demons.

This is not what his original end was--for a really long time, he was Maddy’s end game. I was pretty committed to it, and what happened was... I was driving home one day, trying to figure out reboot shit, and I just.... knew it was Ojaddy. It had to be them in the end. This was like, last year-ish. I actually stopped driving and messaged Sam like “I WAS WRONG, OJADDY IS THE END GAME” which was pretty out of the blue, ngl.

The fourth epilogue being Veriling was because I was intending on a longer, ongoing arc for Veri dealing with depression/child loss. It got condensed into that awful, sad scene that I love.

OJ’s epilogue was a VERY early scene I wrote, back when he was supposed to leave PB Bay for years and years and years and come back when Maddy was like. 30. Yeah, Kabi was always going to come back and be like “You need to let me go, bud. Please. Date my sister, carry on my family line.”

And of course... Maddy Moon. Once I knew Maddy wasn’t losing her memories of that night, that she was going to go for vampires, I knew I needed her to dust Azura. That last line of hers was what the whole thing was built around lmao

There was actually a bigger scene where she drew the Orange vampire in by flirting, and then OJ arrived and Maddy broke character bc that’s my husband fiance!

But I really wanted to finish this so... We got a rushed, condensed scene.

Reboot...?

Anyway, let’s consider those two up above. It’s kinda weird that I ended on a cliffhanger, where the heirs are on opposite sides of something Big, right? And Maddy just not knowing Kabi’s still technically alive... 

So like. About that:

The spares pretty much disappeared once I called Gen 3 done. In the reboot-version of the story (Lunacy), I cut out a LOT of Veriling’s kids.... Like I halved the amount.

I was purposefully very vague about tagging Kabi’s vampire moodboard as Kabinett Puck. That’s because I’ve been considering Veri taking Ries’ last name in the reboot, and most of my notes refer to him as Kabi Puck.

I also introduced several things that you’d think I would expand on in the epilogues, right? Luna’s gift to OJ, Maddy the Vampire Slayer... Like, there’s a lot to sink your teeth into there!

So... As we hit the epilogues, the timelines of the “reboot” and the “original draft” sort of... merged in my mind. And I really... really... want to keep exploring this world, and finishing Gen 3 off actually helped me decide certain things I would rather do with Lunacy Gen 1. 

This is a very confusing way of trying to explain that... I’m not canceling the reboot, but we are continuing... with Gen 4. Probably soon! I want to play with Ojaddy a bit, because they deserve a bit of a break, and you’ll start seeing Slice of Life stuff on my main soon.

In the meantime, coming up on this blog, I have a fun little project staring Sage that I can’t WAIT to start posting! And eventually... We’ll move back to @simmancy. Not just with my hell project (the Masquerade AU), but also with actual... bpr... content. So if you like these characters... Good news! They’re going Into the New World! And if you don’t like them, well... I think their kids are pretty cool, so. There’s that.

As always... Again, and again, thank you for reading! See you on the otherside!

- Kit

[1990jeevas]

7 n 8! If u haven’t done them already, then also 37 why not - moo

i just did 8 but here's the other 2!!

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

i love torturing characters <3

uhm but actually, the end is kinda iffy but overall i think the emotion is good in this and it helped sorta turn the fic from a Why Am I Writing moment to an Okay I Could Publish This

37. Talk about your current wips.

god this is gonna say something about me...

Désolé - the snippet above is from this work!! i started writing it literally like 7 or 8 months ago but i just started working on it again like last month!! is c!karlnapity hurt/comfort but im really struggling to write the comfort part bc i have very little experience in that department :] fun fact abt this tho: the title is snatched from the gorillaz song désolé (but the fic has nothing to do with it, i just think the vibe fits)

chat fics: i have 2 of em, one's IT, the other is bnha, the bnha one i have 2 chapters half drafted for update, the other i have not updated since may 2020 bc ive been too busy and it's an old hyperfixation so coming up with ideas is a bit of a Pain. im not planning on dropping either, it's just taking me forever to update em lmaooo

sweater stealer, sweater stealer: cute idea for a kiribaku fic but i didnt think far enough ahead for what i wanted to do with it so now it's just been sitting incomplete since sometime in early 2020,,, oops. again, i plan to finish it, i just have too many other things im writing to get back to this one rn ajsksjk

best friend: fruitily projecting onto matt from death note /hj but actually its a fic about matt/mello growing up together, begins before the events in death note, will probably end a little bit after they die bc i wanna write a chapter about near reminiscing. mostly planned out but i havent updated it in awhile despite the next chapter also being drafted bc i am literally The Worst and have too many wips for someone with very little motivation and not a whole lot of free time

south park series: i have 3 south park series technically, one's a bunch of soulmate oneshots, ones just an excuse for me to write about crenny being gay and also friends with the goths, the third i refuse to talk about bc i will be Shamed (its nothing nsfw or anything bad, it's just one of those aus that people usually give a side eye but im too deep into writing it now to drop the au)

cherry flavoured: a kirishinbaku series that's mostly shinsou centric (atm at least), the title is ripped from cherry flavoured by the neighbourhood, is mostly just short one shots about them becoming friends and then, eventually, dating

team 10 series: will this ever be updated again? probably not! its a naruto series about shikamaru/choji/ino and i started it in 2018 but i havent updated it once despite knowing what i wanna do bc im, once again, the literal fucking worst. im also just not super into naruto so idk why or how i even wrote this lmao

[aro-aizawa]

1 and 42?

yesssssssss i love these kinds of questions. thank you anon for enabling me. (disclaimer: i am a fanfic writer so these’ll be answered in fanfic writing in mind.)

[the questions]

1. Tell us about your WIP!

okay i have like ten million different wips but the one i’m primarily working on is a mha fic of mine. called because i have to it’s a quirkless vigilante izuku fic, where he’s biologically all might’s son and inko and all might are qpps. when izuku asks his mom if he can still be a hero without a quirk as a kid, instead of just saying sorry, she tells him no that it’s not safe.

this fic came about when i got tired of seeing the overwhelming villain au fics. like. they’re not bad but an izuku that is in no way someone who fight villains is just...wrong to me. because to me, izuku has such an overwhelming drive and to him it’s almost a need that he helps people and becomes a hero. it’s just as essential to him as breathing. so if he were ever prohibited from being an official hero.....well this boy will not take something as silly as the law consideration. he’ll get his ass out on that street and he WILL fight those villains and save people.

so the whole fic is izuku trying to fight and prove to the world that he can be a quirkless hero. he pretends to his parents that he’s given up on that dream, but hey he knows that gen ed students can transfer in the hero course if they prove themselves........

(too bad izuku doesn’t know that his dad is on the teaching staff of ua. oh did i not mention? izuku has no idea his dad is all might.)

i’m not usually a super big fan of biological all might, but without the thread of one for all being a connector between them, i needed some sort of connection (bc honestly this was also a call out of all might’s views on quirkless ppl too). and i’m usually sort of averse for shipping toshinko if it’s solely for parental dadmight reasons, so bio dad. if i had to start over again, i’d probably adjust this to be that when izuku was little, all might officially became qpps with inko after her husband ran out on her. buuut it’s a little too late to go back and change it now, especially since originally i had it written for the toshinko to be romantic in nature, but decided i liked it better as qpps.

so that’s the wip i’m working on!!! i have a plan for it to wrap up just a little bit after the kamino arc but like.*squints at my lastest chapter which is only just starting to wrap up the first arc in the series* um,,,, that might,,, take a while lmao.

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied? 

okay, so here’s the thing. when i was younger and just getting into writing, i’d write like. three or four drafts for each chapter. because i’d do the bare minimum on the first one, just get the action and rough dialogue in. then the second one would be refinement, this one starting to look like an actual chapter to be posted (even though i rarely ever posted anything at that time). during which, i’d always leave them for like. a few months, maybe six. when i came back, i’d see all the errors and my writing style would have changed dramatically. so time for draft number three!!! and then repeat.

but i only ever made so many drafts because i was procrastinating on actually writing the next chapter. i think the highest i ever got up to was chapter 9. when i hit a road block, i’d decide to go back and redo it all again, eventually running out of steam before i even finished what i’d already done. repeat continously until i have six drafts of the same fic but refined down to about 20k words and 4 chapters.

so! i try not to do that anymore. it just. it doesn’t work. it really really doesn’t. because that way i never get it to a state where i’m comfortable enough to post it, and then i’ll end up posting like 10 fics where i only have one chapter posted and the rest’ll be abandoned because i just cannot get the next chapter right and need to keep making more and more drafts.

when a chapter isn’t fighting me though, i tend to have two drafts technically. i’ll write out the chapter, if it’s for my fic biht, i’ll send it off to my betas and merge all their corrections into one final form, which is the final draft and that’s the one i just copy-paste into the chapter section and then reread it to make sure all my formatting sticks then post.

if it’s a non-beta’d fic, what i’ll do is i’ll have the final product, the chapter or the one shot i want to post. and what i’ll do is i’ll put the draft on one side of my screen and the ao3 upload thing on the other side. and i’ll retype everything. this way i’m going back over it and adjusting wonky sentence structures as i go, because it helps me spot more mistakes if i have to retype them rather than just rereading them. my brain has to think more abt the stuff i’m typing rather than the stuff i’m reading y’know?? plus the different fonts help! my google docs have a different font to the upload section of the ao3 page, so that is another thing that helps my brain spot issues. if you have difficulty finding mistakes, change the font. as much shit as it gets, comic sans is also a great font for this. when i’m done retyping everything out, the second and final draft is done and i’ll usually post it right then and there, bc i’m impatient and i love posting shit.

i mean. you wouldn’t expect that considering i haven’t updated in well over a year and a half but still.

tysm for asking!!!! sorry it was such a long response lmao

[starspatter]

WIP Challenge

Tagged by: @summertime-children

Tagging: @astrologista, @atsushishelteredinmoonlitjasmine, @benditlikegumby, @cryptoriawebb, @ibmiller, @iceperialprincess, and @otherwise-uncolonized

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I'll also do what deta did and post comments + short fragments.  (Be warned it'll be very long though, and most of these are actually Pokémon fics since I was a much more prolific writer when I was younger, and that was the fandom I wrote mainly for.)  I also won't be including "Heroes and Thieves" on here (or any DC/superhero stuff really since I’ve essentially “done” everything I had planned for now), as *technically* it is all already completed in draft form, and I'd like to keep things a surprise for whenever I do end up posting~

Hero and Seek

“Well, we’re all together now, so let’s have some fun, all right?  Don’t worry, it’s really simple.  One person is the ‘demon’, and the others have to hide from him.” “Eh?  A ‘demon’?  But that’s scary!” Three pairs of eyes turned up to her in fear.  Those eyes, which screamed and streamed the stark color of blood the first time she saw them – not just from tears, but from the ‘monster’ they believed dwelled deep within.  She thought for a moment, then removed her scarf. “How about this then?  Whoever’s the ‘hero’ has to find and rescue the others.  It’s a very important Blindfold Brigade mission!”

I’ll start with the one Kagepro fic I did attempt at least, which I described previously here, but is basically about Ayano + the Meka Trio playing “Hide and Seek” for the first time.  (I actually had it originally titled as that but just came up with this new version on the spot lol I’m so clever~)  For some reason I’ve always been hesitant about reading/writing Kagefic, but I actually got a fair bit farther in this than I thought, so perhaps I should try to finish it someday... Princes and Frogs

“K-Koizumi-senpai… Um… Please go out with me!” Itsuki stared down at the tiny underclassman, watching a rose mantle spread slowly over her cheeks as she gazed back with shy, but determined hope in her bespectacled eyes.  The older boy could make out his own handsome face reflected off the lens, a virtual image embellished by sparkling hearts and stars.  With dim satisfaction and relief, Itsuki ensured that his bright, patient smile betrayed no hint of the weary sigh that whispered behind it.

This is an intro excerpt of the first chapter I planned to write for an ItsuHaru fic from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, which I only ever posted the prologue for.  ItsuHaru was my first obsessive OTP, and I still think about returning to this story someday (especially since I have now proven to myself I *can* finish a full chapter fic if I put my mind to it), but it’s been so long I feel like I’d need to refresh my memory of the whole series/am still holding out hope for a Season 3 to motivate me again. *shot*

Fall to Pieces

As Itsuki stared at Yuki’s vacant visage, his resentment kept building.  His hands clenched, rigidly gripping the edge of the table.  Somehow, it just didn’t seem fair.  That she could so easily ignore the madness fate had dealt them, never reveal any signs of suffering or bitterness towards her situation, and yet always, always wear the same damn expression on her face. How could she possibly stand it? He can’t stand it. (any more)

An ItsuYuki one-shot, where Itsuki basically blows up at her from pent-up frustration over having to wear a mask all the time and his hidden feelings for Haruhi.  The two start to form a connection over their respective “unrequited loves”/understanding of each other’s pain, and one thing leads to another...  Like “Heroes and Thieves”, this is in fact technically “complete”, since I actually used the leftover steam from the former towards finishing at least one thing I started a long time ago - although I’m still not sure I’m totally satisfied with it/kinda want to wait to figure out what I’m doing with my other ItsuHaru fics before I publish it by itself.  (Incidentally the working title comes from an Avril Lavigne song lol.)

Little White Lies

“Perhaps the best thing for the princess would have been to fall in love.  But how a princess who had no gravity could fall into anything is a difficulty--perhaps the difficulty.” -George MacDonald, The Light Princess - Haruhi Suzumiya was walking on air. Itsuki could tell by the way she glided into the clubroom, sailing like a paper airplane – or a balloon with an inflated ego to match.

...Yeah that’s as far as I got with this.  This was meant to be a “White Day” story, which is Japan’s “answer holiday” to Valentine’s Day, where guys reciprocate by giving gifts to the girls who gave them chocolates.  I always wondered how the boys actually responded in-universe, and I imagine Itsuki secretly stressing out a lot about taking care to not upstage Kyon, but at the same time wanting to sincerely express his genuine appreciation and feelings towards Haruhi - whatever they may be.  In the end, he settles on a copy of “The Light Princess” by George MacDonald, which I highly recommend reading since it reminds me so much of this pair, and in general is such a fun and snappy “tongue-in-cheek” take on the fairytale genre. Sora in Wonderland

But wait- this one was a bit different from all its brothers and sisters.  For one thing, it was wearing a fancy waistcoat with pockets- and sleeves that were far too long for it.  As soon as it passed by her head, it stopped and slowly turned its head around to stare directly at her with its huge circular yellow eyes.  Sora stared vacantly back for a full five seconds before the information registered in her brain and she suddenly yelled, “Hey!”, and sat bolt upright.  The Heartless panicked upon hearing her voice and fled at top speed across the white sands, headed towards an opening in the rocks; Sora jumped down off her perch and immediately chased after it, no longer caring about the heat.  The Heartless hastily disappeared inside the cave, and Sora soon followed after, determined to catch the freaky little thing and ask it some questions, like what it was doing on the island at this time, and where on earth did it get a waistcoat.

OKAY SO I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS WAS A THING but apparently I tried to write a Kingdom Hearts parody of “Alice in Wonderland” lmao.  I’ve never actually played the games (aside from half of CoM), but it was probably inspired by a crossover art my friend drew? ^^; Also Sora is a girl in this bc that’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it. XP *shot* Note: The following fics are all Pokémon-related so I’ll just be listing them in roughly chronological order (from most recent to ancient, although they’re all pretty old at this point). Stranger

The elder slowly rose to his feet, gazing at the boy, the champion, the stranger.  “In all this time, why didn’t you come back?  You could have seen for yourself how she was.” Lance wanted to yell something defiant, like a child.  But he wasn’t a child.  Children were forgiven for their mistakes.  And he didn’t want to be forgiven. The professor’s ancient hand came to rest on the boy’s shoulder.  “It’s the way this town works.  We don’t talk about things that happen outside our own world.  Maybe it was too long ago – too late for you to understand.” Lance didn’t say anything. “At least talk to Delia.  She’s been wanting to see you.” “Sorry.  It’s too late.” “You’re a bastard.” “I know.”

So this looks to be among the last things I’d written before taking a long break from fanfiction circa... 2007, jeeze.  Over 10 years, huh.  But, I think it speaks a certain amount of maturity that it’s the piece I liked most upon rediscovering.  It’s based on an idea I once had that Lance was (unknowingly) Gary Oak’s father, and he was friends/rivals with Ash’s father, who originally won the title of Champion but relinquished it so he could be with his “wife” and kid (or rather, then-pregnant teenage girlfriend).  *Something* happened though (I forget what I had in mind) and he ended up dying, leaving Lance bitter and depressed so he refused to return to Pallet Town because of too many painful memories.  (Though he *cough* “comforted” their other female childhood friend for one night of drunken grief before he left. ;()  What I like most about it honestly is the parallels bw Lance’s relationship with Ash’s dad and their sons’, and that amidst all the angst I enjoyed portraying the earnest energy and optimism of Ketchum(?) senior (”like father like son” after all).  I was definitely inspired by Mitsuki’s father in Full Moon wo Sagashite/Maes Hughes from Fullmetal Alchemist by making him a total “dork dad” who’d brag about his (illegitimate) family on national TV during the championship tournament lol.

Ihavenoidea

Either way, I get the feeling this really wasn’t what I had in mind when I made my decision to quit training.  I mean that in an intuitive sort of way.  Like, sometimes I feel as if I’m not meant to be here, like my life should have ended up differently someplace else.  Perhaps this is just one of those weird inconsistencies I told you about.  Perhaps not.  Even after all that’s happened to me recently, I still can’t really be sure about it.

...No seriously, I have no idea where I was going with this.  As far as I can tell it’s written from the POV of Gary Oak, whom I’ve always had a lot of... “complicated” feelings towards.  It probably has something to do with another concept I’ll discuss next, although for some reason it sounds like I was going for some sort of AU? *shrug* By contrast to the above, it reads like a whiny teenager complaining about his life - which makes me cringe but is probably an accurate portrayal of who I was at the time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This one was actually dated a little after the previous, so my best guess is it was some kind of vent rant where I would “give up” writing/creating and “childish” ideals for a while, as I was wont to do - but I still always come back to it somehow... RainbowMolly

Molly stepped out from the car and onto the dusty road, her heart beating wildly.  She could hardly believe she was actually here, of all places. The ride had been long and mind-numbing with anticipation, and now that they’d finally arrived at the destination, it all felt somewhat surreal to her. A small bear clambered out from the vehicle, joining her as she stopped to take in the rustic view that met her bright blue eyes.  She smiled and picked up her Teddiursa, cuddling its warm, fuzzy body close to her own. Her gaze traveled down the road which stretched in both directions, houses lining up against its margins. She followed it with her eyes towards a hill in the distance, on top of which sat what looked like a quaint little farmhouse with a windmill, turning in the summer breeze.  She breathed in the country air, catching whiff of a faint salt smell from an ocean in the distance. So this was Pallet Town.

...Why I didn’t actually name the file “Chasing Rainbows” - which was the title I had planned for this - I don’t know.  This dates back to an old idea I had where I believed Molly Hale from the third Pokémon movie was secretly the true “God” of the Pokémon world - in the sense that the entire universe was an unknowing fantasy of her own creation, similar to Haruhi Suzumiya (ok fine this was totally a crossover/rip-off of the same concept so sue me OTL).  In a place where children never seem to grow up and can go on grand fantastical adventures forever, Gary always struck me as an anomaly who willingly *chose* to forego such a life to pursue more “adult” interests by becoming a researcher.  So I saw him as filling the role of “Kyon” - the cynical narrator who was destined to ground “God” and bring her back down to earth, but at the same time be won over by her innocence and charm and learn to appreciate “kids’ stuff” again.  However, the Legendaries were actually aware of the power Molly holds, and so saw Gary as a threat to their very being - as by “waking” the dreamer and having her face reality meant erasing their kinds’ entire existence.  As the “apocalypse” nearly occurred in the third film, Mew and Celebi took on human disguises (in the form of May and Max respectively) to investigate Ash, who was able to calm Molly and “save” the world by “perpetuating” the delusion (and whom Molly totally has a crush on btw *shot*).  So it’s a bit of a love triangle lol, with Mew and Celebi (*cough* an alien and a time traveler, get it? *shot*) acting as mediators/interference.  (Although Mew might’ve secretly shipped Gary and Molly herself. ;O)

Betrayal

And these blades, these damned scythes that attached themselves to my arms when I was born, a curse upon me since birth, though it had not been apparent up until now.  They were covered with blood, the vital crimson liquid that flows through our bodies, now dripping down the steel surface in a webbed pattern, drops beginning to splatter the pure, emerald grass below.  The arm felt heavy and weak as I tried to lift it, as if it did not belong to me, but that was only a wishful thought.  I gazed calmly at it, inspecting the intricate designs the flow of the substance had created, as if it were an abstract piece of artwork. Tentatively, a pink tongue rolled out and caught a small droplet of it just before it fell from the sharp edge, just to convince myself that it was real.  The semi-sweet, metallic taste confirmed this.  I had indeed taken these men’s lives, just as I had taken hers.

So I remember this was written from the POV of a Scyther who seemingly went on a murderous rampage.  I only know that I wanted to give him an “Edward Scissorhands”-like story, since the idea of having such sharp objects attached to one’s limbs so that one could never directly “touch” another without being a danger is pretty tragic.  I suspect “her” was someone (a human?) he cared about but killed by accident, and after that he was only seen as a symbol of power/treated as a tool to incite fear before eventually rebelling against his “master”... Roses

“If you love someone, you should give them something that’s yours. That shows how much you care for them.” In the darkness, I pictured his smiling face, explaining to me as he wrapped a present for his girlfriend. His blue eyes were shining with a sort of spirit unfamiliar to me; I guessed, a feeling of love.

Another “dark” take on a Pokémon’s biology (I really liked writing explorations of those back then lol), this time of Roselia.  The idea was that a Roselia was so in love with her trainer that she would do anything for him - including allow him to cut off her arms so he could give them to his girlfriend.  I actually ended up turning it into a poem at one point:

Love is like a rose they say, And affection leads to grief they warned. For in the end love betrays, Its Beauty maimed by a poisoned thorn. You gave me pure water with a smile. Your cheerful face became my sun. I offered up my blood to you, And in return demanded none. Chop off my wrists, and tie them together. I’ll gladly bleed myself to death. In order to give you that which I hold most dear. My dear, my dear, Won’t you accept this bouquet? You take it, smiling warily. A blush creeps onto your face. And in those eyes I can see A garden of roses stretched out, Composing a wondrous place. Then you bound my hands in lace, And brought them to the girl next door. You presented them to her with grace. … My blood continued to pour.

Fanfic

She smiled at me, although something about her expression indicated something wasn't quite right.  I watched as she glanced over towards the west, her gaze lingering momentarily on the setting sun.  The glowing, orange sphere was slowly sinking behind the distant mountains, peaks cloaked in a pale, lavender haze illuminated by flickering beams of gold and scarlet cast across the horizon.

More accurately, I found this buried in a “catch-all” file where I had several (mostly finished) fics saved.  This was meant to be from the POV of an Eevee who had just evolved - supposedly into an Espeon due to happiness and bond with her trainer, which is what both wanted.  However, since it took place at sunset, she didn’t realize she had become an Umbreon instead, and her trainer ended up abandoning her for it. ;( It was a warm

Children’s shrieks and laughter echoed across the park as they flocked towards each other, and soon were chasing one another round the playground, weaving in and out between the swings as they partook in an innocent game of Tag.  One child was It; she was trying desperately to catch one of her friends so that they would take over the job instead.  Then it would be her turn to run away, for none of them wished to play the loathsome role of It.  Or was it because they feared being tainted by the person’s touch?  It must have been one of the two, for while she would struggle to reach them, catch hold of them, they would only flee, thoroughly enjoying the fact that they were vexing her.  Twice she nearly caught one.  Her fingertips were almost within reach of one of the other girls’ dresses, whose russet tresses were flowing wildly from the rush of movement and shining with golden highlights as the rays of the sun struck individual strands.  The target shrieked and shook her head, whisking her skirt free in time to escape capture, laughing with glee at the sight of the girl left behind, miserable and alone. 

Yeah I totally just went with the default beginning of the first sentence lol.  I guess this comes full circle with the first Kagepro fic I mentioned (although I’m not even sure I was aware back then that the Japanese version of the game literally called “It” a “demon”, which is even more fitting).  I believe this was part of a Pokémon series I was writing involving a creepy little girl and Mewtwo who would bring about the end of the world or something like that, but generally I guess I was just going for a “Catcher in the Rye” feel. *shrug* Golden Lights

The pale, rosy fingers of dawn were filtering in through the Granite Cave entrance, basking a small area near the opening in pinkish illumination.  Just out of reach of its expanse sat little Mika, huddled in the gloom of the shadows, watching the light creep steadily towards her as the glowing ball of fire rose slowly towards the East.  She knew about the Light that came from Outside.  There were plenty other small apertures broken into the cavern walls and ceiling that allowed some thin streams of gold brilliance to trickle through.  She had always done well to avoid them.  The brightness was like poison to her skin.  But they weren’t the Lights she’d had described to her by the old Crobat that always resided now deeper within the underground chambers, dozing now, most likely.  He wouldn’t awaken until night came round, and she did not wish to rouse him and perhaps disturb him from a pleasant dream.  She was very wise about things like that, being the young child that she was.  Still, she would have liked to hear a story to comfort her just then.

Last one I could find, about a Sableye who, like Icarus, literally “flew too close to the sun”.  In this interpretation I imagined that Sableye were creatures who could not stand sunlight at all, as it would cause their skin to burn.  But Mika (pronounced like “Mica”) always dreamed of going outside to see the “Light” anyway.  She was eventually tempted by Mew to leave the cavern under her angelic PROTECTion and step into the Light, who was acting as Ho-Oh’s messenger to “recruit” souls to “live eternal as an element of Ho-Oh’s Guarding Flame“, as the PROTECT faded and a “holy fire” began to spread.  I guess I was going for a Biblical/”Rapture”-esque reference.  (...Man I sure was obsessed with the endtimes as a kid. *shot*)

[janiedean]

Oh? Oh! Now me moved to suicide bait, like we don't know except for a few hate-filled messages and she's telling you she's going to kill herself? Like I don't know, but yelling at random people on the internet isn't going to attract empathy? (And ++ for Bruce Springsteen, can I have some analysis too? Hum... You're a.. Hum.. A bad woman! A very bad woman! And you're Italian! Does it count as anon hate?)

you're a poop head ( this is me trying to get you to give us that sweet bruce springsteen content by sending you hate )

these were two anons but it’s 11 pm and I can’t do two analyses lmao

OKAY GUYS, SINCE ANOTHER ANON ASKED A FEW DAYS AGO, HAVE ONE OF MY FAVORITE UKNOWN BRUCE SONGS!

Shut Out The Light is an outtake from 1984′s Born in the USA, which eventually ended up being the b-side on the BITUSA single 45′, and finally published to everyone’s happiness in the box set Tracks in 1998 but played live in other occasions. It’s from the Nebraska/BITUSA era, and it’s another Bruce songs focusing on the Vietnam war question.

As in BITUSA, we have another veteran coming home, but differently from the previous song, he’s just come back and hasn’t tasted the whole variety of rejections he’ll have from society yet. But, differently from BITUSA as well, it touches on other issues. Let’s get into it!

The runway rushed up at him as he felt the wheels touch downHe stood out on the blacktop and took a taxi into townHe got out down on Main Street and went into a local barHe bought a drink and found a seat in a corner off the dark

So, again we have the cinematic opening - this could be right out of a movie: you can imagine visually the protagonist (who is a he, not an I differently from BITUSA) getting off the airplane and goes back home in the taxi and instead of going home goes to get a drink. Actually, this has a lot of interesting choices because he buys a drink and wants a seat in a corner in the dark, so he tries to not take space and he doesn’t want to be seen, and rather than meeting his family, he goes to have a drink.

Spoilers: our guy has issues. Now, let’s move on:

Well she called up her mama to make sure the kids were out of the houseShe checked herself out in the dining room mirrorAnd undid an extra button on her blouseHe felt her lying next to him, the clock said 4:00 amHe was staring at the ceilingHe couldn't move his hands

Here we moved to presumably the man’s wife. She leaves the children with her mother - because she wants some private time with her man, or because she’s worried about something else? probably the first, though, because then she takes the time to pretty herself up and open the button on her blouse, as in, she’s trying to look more attractive for him after they haven’t presumably seen each other for a long time.

So: they presumably have sex - she’s lying next to him - but he can’t go to sleep, and he’s staring at the clock at four in the morning and then at the ceiling and can’t move his hands, which suggests he might have sleep paralysis or something of the kind, which is also a consequence of trauma, and actually, as we go into the refrain, we have the confirmation:

Oh mama mama mama come quickI've got the shakes and I'm gonna be sickThrow your arms around me in the cold dark nightHey now mama don't shut out the lightDon't you shut out the lightDon't you shut out the lightDon't you shut out the lightDon't you shut out the light

Spoilers: this guy has ptsd. Bad ptsd. Very poetically put, but:

he wants his mother to come to him (calling for your mother is like, your basic instinct because she’s the person you should technically be closest to as the person who brought you up and raised you and birthed you);

he has the shakes and he’s gonna be sick (could be triggered panic attacks, flashbacks, dissociating - obviously it’s not detailed because it’s a song and not the DSM, but the symptoms are there);

he wants his mom to hold him (actually: throw her arms, so doing it almost violently) in the cold dark night (a situation that sounds fairytale-scary);

and he wants her to not shut out the light - ie he doesn’t want to be with the lights turned off because the darkness triggers memories (if you read any vietnam memoir you know that they hated night stake outs because they couldn’t see shit and they could be ambushed at any time).

So: the entire refrain is about how he has bad ptsd and he’s not handling it even if he’s trying to keep it under control, this just after he comes back from Vietnam.

Established that:

Well on his porch they stretched a banner that said "Johnny Welcome Home"Bobby pulled his Ford out of the garage and they polished up the chromeHis mama said "Johnny oh Johnny, I'm so glad to have you back with me"His pa said he was sure they'd give him his job back down at the factory

So: this guy got at least a welcome home party and we know now he’s named Johnny (reference to When Johnny Comes Marching Home? MAAAYBE SO) and that he has a best friend named Bobby who drags the car out of the garage (so he hasn’t driven it since Vietnam and no one else has) and tries to do a nice thing for him by polishing it and they can do something normal. Johnny’s mother - the one he wants at night - is happy to see him and she’s glad he survived, while his father discusses his job (mind it - the mom is worried about him being back at all, the father is worried about Johnny’s employment, as the One Who Things Mostly About Work In The Family as we already see is a recurring theme). And mind: he’s sure Johnny will get back his factory job (so, another unskilled worker who got drafted while poor) which as we know from history and the follow-up songs, Johnny will most likely not get.

Which sounds nice, except that then we go back into the refrain and nothing has changed - welcome party or nor, bff with the car or not, job or not, Johnny still isn’t okay at night and still doesn’t want the light turned off.

After the refrain, we get into the last part:

Well deep in a dark forest, a forest filled with rainBeyond a stretch of Maryland pines there's a river without a nameIn the cold black water Johnson Leneir standsHe stares across the lights of the city and dreams of where he's been

Now we have the name and surname of the guy - Johnson Leneir. He could be with his wife and family (the kids out of the house) but instead where is he? A deep dark forest, filled with rain, as in... a forest that could match Vietnam’s since again, Vietnam is filled of rainy forests and it was where most of those people have to fight. He’s in Maryland, but beyond its stretch there’s a river without a name, so the river in Maryland (if it’s there at all) or the land beyond that stretch of land is a river in Vietnam - a lot of the people there didn’t necessarily know the names of where they were or knew where they were being sent - and the negative association is made by describing the water of that river as cold and black, which are hardly words with positive connotations. Also, he stands in the cold black water as in he walks into the river same as he might have done in Vietnam (there’s a similar scene in Tim O’ Brien’s If I Die In a Combat Zone and idk if Bruce read it but it was published in ‘73 so he could absolutely have), so he can’t detach himself from that experience but at least he’s not risking death by re-interpreting it. 

Then: he stares across the lights of the city - a place he’s cut away from when he should belong there, and that’s to say he’s not belonging even with the bff and the supportive family and the beautiful wife, when instead he can’t help going into the woods and the cold dark river because he can’t leave Vietnam behind, and dreams of where he’s been, as in - as I said: he thinks he’s back in Vietnam or he thinks back about Vietnam and he can’t leave that behind him, and again the refrain doesn’t change -- he still doesn’t want the lights turned off, he still wants his mother, he still has the shakes, he still will be sick at least for the foreseeable future, because the war fucked him up and he’s not well and he won’t be until he gets help.

Will he turn into the guy from BIUSA? Given that this song is its b-side in the single, COULD DEFINITELY BE A POSSIBILITY. Will he get his life straight? We just don’t know, but here we have in three short, simple vignettes a full-on picture of someone who came back from a war traumatized that we can identify with as it concentrates not on his war experience but on things we all can relate to (the wife, the kids, the parents, the best friend with the car, wanting your mother when you’re afraid), which shows that Bruce can write a fucking song even if he wasn’t in the guy’s shoes personally (he got a 4F and GOOD FOR US ALL), and this in an historical moment where people pretended Vietnam never happened. I personally kind of wish he published it properly before 1998 because it’s a gem imo, but it did come to light outside being the single b-side and IT’S A GORGEOUS SONG AND I STAND BY IT.

[rururux]

Ah m alive - I survived yayyyyyyyyy

What better way to say that than post one of my zine drawings eh?

That sapped my energy out for some reason - tired but happy hehe

I did two - technically posted only 1 because I felt like I should space them out esp since they're two dif piece lol

Should I hv stuck them together? Hmmmm

Anyways - this one year old already - crazy

I think I should write something about this feeling later when I'm posting the next one.

Also should probably start posting all those posts (not mine lol) that I've put under draft because lazy and no energy to post lol

But yea - started working on ksss, speed is rather slow and I have something coming up for the next two weeks. Will I make it? I HAVE TO LMAO

But I definitely want to get some other personal art done as well - still need to finish the colour palette on sera (which still contemplating how to execute), maybe finish off a very very late gift to a friend, rework that colour palette challenge for hiro because boy, he did not deserve that sht drawing, draw some of my waifus and husbandos from arknights, attempt to clear off that wip bucket that I have lol

Life is good - just tiring hehe

I am looking forward to interacting on tumblr again at least - m at least very much looking forward to asking a certain someone about their ocs :eyes:

-

On another note, kinda hilarious how I make all these goals like in the previous ones and never reach them teehee