#tell me would you pack up all your bags }* FRIEND PROMO

[catcze]

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

[ ###… ] modern AU, rockstar Wriothesley, gn reader, est. relationship, a lil bit of hurt/comfort, fluff, long-distance pining, lovesick & homesick wrio, kinda cheesy which is kind of on brand for me lol

By the time Wriothesley manages to get back to his hotel room and check his phone, he's pretty sure you're asleep. He hopes you are, knowing how late it must be on your end.

It's no surprise that there are several messages waiting for him— each day you've been apart, you give him something sweet to read in the evenings after a busy day of promos or after a hectic show. Something to make the distance between you seem a little less vast, to let him know that you're still thinking about him.

Even on days where he's dead tired, he'll always read them. Always let you know that he thinks of you, too.

What does surprise him is the newest text, sent at just over twenty minutes ago. Wriothesley frowns as he wonders why you're still up, and his heart only drops more when he scrolls through the messages and reads the latest thing you sent.

I miss you. I really, really miss you.

Before he can even hope that he's not bothering you, his finger near slams on the call button. You answer on the second ring, voice lacking the raspiness of a roused sleep. It makes him sigh with relief.

"Wrio?" you ask, surprised. "Are you okay? What's up?"

"I should be asking you that." Wriothesley sits heavily on the plush bed, flopping back against the pillows with all the grace of a man who just gave a two-hour performance.

As luxurious as the king-sized bed is, with its soft sheets and myriad of immaculately fluffed pillows, he can't help but yearn for the warm familiarity of your own bed and your well-loved blankets.

"Why're you still up, honey? Don't you have breakfast with your friends tomorrow?"

"...can't sleep," you murmur after a beat, voice so quiet. He hears sheets rustling, then silence again. You hesitate. "I... it might sound selfish but I miss you being here with me. It sucks that the bed feels so empty without you."

And oh, if he could, Wriothesley would crawl through the phone right this very second and wrap you in his arms— would crush you to his chest and hold you tight as he listens to your breath taper off into sleep. Would keep you against him, wrapped up in his love and adoration, until you practically have to beat him off of you with a stick.

But he can't and it's killing him.

"It's not selfish. I miss you too," he says, voice longing. "I want to go home to you so bad, sweetheart, you have no idea. Wish I could've packed you up in my bag and smuggled you here with me." He has to fight sleepy giggles at the thought.

"Speaking of— you better be prepared for a crapload of gifts when I get back. I've got a whole suitcase of stuff I thought you'd like."

You gasp, and even sounding a little crackly from the speakers, his heart does a flip. "A whole suitcase?! I wouldn't even know where to put all that!"

"We'll find space. 'm pretty sure there's some stuff we can jigsaw around." Wriothesley tries to keep the tiredness from his voice, tries to fight back the yawn. It's been so long since you've called, what with timezones and schedules getting in the way, and he wants to talk to you longer— ask how your day's been, what your plans are for the rest of the week, if there were any places you want to visit when he gets home. This call is much too short for all the things he wants to say, for all the hours he wants to spend listening to you talk.

But try as he might, you can tell he's close to knocking out without even having to lay an eye on him.

"You should sleep," you tell him, voice soothing him like a balm. "You're probably tired after your show. I saw a few videos, you know— you were so cool. I'm proud of you, Wrio."

He hums, basking in your praise. His eyelids are already growing heavy, the soft siren's song of sleep growing harder to resist. If he closes his eyes, maybe he can imagine that you're just down the hall, busy with something. You'll come in any second now, crawl into bed and slip into his arms, and everything would be right with the world.

"Thank you for... for calling. For checking up on me just because of a text." You giggle at that last bit, and (as it always seems to do) his heart flips. "I love you lots."

"Mm, no need to thank me. Just gimme lots of kisses when I get home." His tongue is growing heavier, sleep more inviting. But he manages to get one last thing out— "I love you lots, too."

Right before Wriothesley lets himself drop, you press a loud, exaggerated kiss to the receiver of your phone. He smiles.

That's how you both fall asleep: with both phones still on the line, even breaths and quiet snores comforting the other into a restful slumber.

[druidxd]

TAG DROP }*

[wastelandcth]

i’ll always come back to you - cth

summary: Calum wore a skirt. A stage reveal happens. 

author’s notes: I have no excuse but I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

warnings: Cal in a skirt (please it’s too good), car sex, PIV, calum blanks out a little, she’s back and better than ever!

masterlist || request || more doves

“What do you think I should wear?” Calum asked softly, his hands running through the different items in his closet once more, “It’s a pretty big show, I can’t just show up in something shitty. All I’ve worn for the past two years is either baggy jeans and a t-shirt or shorts and no shirt.” 

It was true, ever since the world had shut down and the band’s tour had been put on hold more times than Calum could count, his passion for fashion and finding new clothes to wear had been put on hold as well. Comfort and trying to stay sane in the middle of a worldwide pandemic had left him reaching for any signs of comfort to hold on to and keep him sane. But with the band’s first show slowly approaching and Calum’s nerves returning in the form of playing a fake bass while he tried to calm his racing mind, he knew he’d have to find an outfit sooner or later, and it’d have to be one to make him feel good about himself on stage once more. 

“I mean, I don’t think anyone would personally complain about you showing up shirtless to a show,” Dovey teased, her eyes tracing the muscles in Calum’s back as she sat on the edge of the bed, “I certainly wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah, but you’re a pervert so you have no choice,” Calum chuckled and threw another shirt towards his loving wife. 

The days had gone by and Calum had been stuck at rehearsals, trying his best to find the groove the band had long for ever since the start of the shutdown, but eventually, Calum found himself at home the morning of the show watching from the green room as the concert went on around the world. His bag, which he’d packed and unpacked multiple times that morning, laid on one of the couches. He knew he’d made the right choice, the look on Dovey’s face when he’d packed away the black fabric before she could get a peek of it enough of a reaction to make him smirk before he had rushed out the door at the sound of Ashton’s horn. 

“So, did you decide on an outfit?” Michael asked as he sat down next to him during a break in their soundcheck, watching as Calum’s leg swung along to whatever beat Ashton was trying to work out with Luke, “Dovey has been texting me all day asking if I’ve gotten a peek at it.” 

“Tell her to fuck off,” Calum chuckled, “I told her she had to wait like everyone else did to see it.” 

“Alright,” Michael huffed, nudging him playfully, “But we’re going to be the first to see it then.”

“Yeah, yeah, and she’ll manage to bully you into telling her somehow.” 

Calum looked in the mirror, inhaling a shaky breath as he fixed the collar of his suit jacket once more as he heard his bandmates chuckling outside of the bathroom door. With one final look at his outfit he opened the door and stepped out, goosebumps covering his skin as the cold air of the dressing room brushed against his legs. 

“Woah! Calum!” Ashton grinned, his eyes wide and his head nodding, “No man, that looks sick! I love it!” 

“Oh man, your dad is going to freak once he sees you on stage!” Luke nodded, “You look so good!”

“Guys, Dovey is literally going to kill us all,” Michael whined and clapped Calum on the shoulder, “You look fucking awesome, dude.”

Calum’s cheeks flushed, turning hot as he chuckled and shook his head, letting the curls he’d been growing out swish against his forehead while he tried his best not to push away his very excited and very supportive bandmates. It wasn’t until the room, which consisted of the four of them and their photographer started chanting for him to do a spin that he’d finally told them to fuck off. But with a spin, and a small bout of giggles that left him when the material of his skirt brushed against the back of his knees, Calum had never felt more prepared to play a show in his life, especially when he knew that Dovey would be in the crowd singing her heart out along with them all. 

Dovey’s eyes watched the crowd around her grow restless as time ticked slowly, minutes dragging on until the show would start. Her adrenaline was high as she heard an announcer overhead shout that the show would start in one minute, the pit in her stomach thrumming with excitement and the thought of seeing her husband and his best friends on stage again after so long. She knew how much Calum missed being on stage with them, how much he missed performing to a crowd of people singing the lyrics back to them, and so she knew that tonight’s performance would be nothing but perfect. The hum of a guitar backstage and the sound of cheers around her had Dovey on her feet before she even knew it, her wide eyes searching the stage for the man she’d married. 

“Oh my god, he did not,” she gasped, her cheers and clapping drowned out in the rest of the crowd as she saw Calum walking out on stage, “That bastard!”

On stage, under the shining lights and for everyone to see, Calum Hood stood grinning as his fingers moved easily over the strings of his bass. The silver chains, which hung across Calum’s waist, shone like his eyes as the set started. Dovey’s eyes tried their hardest to focus, her vision blurred by the tears that sprung out as she watched the love of her life sing his heart out on stage after too many months of being away from the one place he was able to lose himself in. The skirt, which Dovey was already drooling over, swayed along with every movement Calum made as she found herself swaying along with it, stuck in a never-ending dance she wasn’t sure she’d ever want to end. But when Ghost of You played out and Dovey’s eyes found Calum’s it was like the large crowds that had given her anxiety ever since Calum had mentioned the show and the loud music had all disappeared. 

There was no one but her and Calum standing there, swaying to the song that had meant more to them than anyone could have ever imagined. 

She knew their kids were watching from home, giggling and dancing along in the safety of their living room while the sitter recorded them for Dovey and Calum to cry along to later that night. But right now, in the moment, all she could think about was how despite all the things that had gone wrong and how scary the world had turned, she still had her family and the love of her life was singing to her in a room full of people once more. The set was over before Dovey even realized, her legs carrying her back towards the dressing room she’d left not too long ago and towards her husband and his amazingly talented friends. 

The night had become a whirlwind of events, Dovey’s arms wrapping around Calum and stuttering through her praises as her hands and eyes took in his after-show presence. Her mind was distracted throughout the rest of the promo the band had gone to do with the view of him in the skirt and mesh shirt that kept peeking in and out of view from where she stood with the rest of their team. Her eyes never left his as she watched him smile and laugh with the band and it wasn’t until the car door closed next to her and she watched Calum walk in front of the car before sliding into the driver’s seat that she let out the soft breath she was holding in. 

“So, what did you think of the show?” Calum asked as he pulled off the highway, his grin wide as his eyes glanced over at Dovey, “Did you like it? I think we did great. Yeah, the set was short but I think it we-”

“Calum, if you don’t pull over right now I will literally crash this car,” Dovey breathed out, her hand reaching out and squeezing Calum’s thigh gently. 

The car screech to a halt, Calum’s soft gasp lost on Dovey’s lips as she pulled him into a kiss, Calum’s body leaning over the console to pull her even closer to him. He and Dovey might not have been a couple of a thousand words, but he knew exactly what she was doing when her teeth pulled gently at his bottom lip. He also knew that they didn’t have much time before their car was steamed up and their moans echoed against the tinted windows, so Calum had to work fast. 

“Back seat, baby girl,” he breathed out, his forehead resting against his wife’s for just a second before she sprung into action, her soft laughter music to Calum’s ears. 

“I am. So proud. Of you.” Dovey mumbled in between the kisses she was leaving on Calum’s skin, her hips rolling against his and pressed up silver chains of his skirt, “You looked so fucking amazing on stage I couldn’t help but think about all the things I wanted you to do to me tonight.”

“Yeah?” Calum breathed out, his hands squeezing Dovey’s thighs as he helped her push up the hem of the skirt she was more than likely soaking through if his leaking cock wasn’t already at fault for it, “Gonna show me all those things you were thinking of?” 

“Mhm, only have time for one of them right now though,” Dovey smirked, her hand taking his cock and stroking it a few times, listening to the soft whimpers that left Calum as her own hips rocked against his solid thigh, “Have to wait until we’re back home for the others.” 

Calum’s eyes opened enough at one point to see the steam from their act fogging up the windows, the beads of moisture dripping down their foreheads matching the ones racing down the window next to his head. Above him, Dovey looked like an angel, her closed eyes and barely opened mouth making Calum think he was the luckiest man alive. His fingers had dug into her hips, soft whimpers leaving them both with every rock of their hips and Calum wasn’t sure if he’d ever want this feeling to end. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get tired of the way Dovey felt wrapped around him. He’d happily get lost in her warmth and never find his way out again if he could, but the coil in his stomach kept stretching and stretching, threatening to snap as he listened to Dovey’s moans grow louder and louder as her hips rose and fell with every one of them. 

“Calum,” she gasped out, one of her hands finding comfort in the soft curls she’d been playing with ever since they’d grown out and coiled against his head. 

“I know, I’ve got you,” Calum choked out, his own high speeding towards him as he felt Dovey clench around him as her hips paused and her whimpers were soaked into by Calum’s skin, “Oh fuck, baby, I-”

“Calum,” Dovey whispered, her soft kisses on Calum’s skin making the blinding white stars beneath his eyelids clear slowly, “Hey, come back to me,” she mumbled, the feeling of her fingers running through his hair grounding Calum back to the backseat of his car. 

His lungs hurt, the panting breaths he was taking sounding over the muffled music playing from the radio in the front, and his vision was still blurred as he watched Dovey leaned back against his thighs, her hair tousled and her dress still rucked up over her hips. It took him a couple more breaths, the thick air coating his lungs until finally, Calum’s hand found Dovey’s in the darkness of the car and he smiled lazily. 

“You back with me, Hood?” she asked softly and smiled, the gentle squeeze she gave his hand making him nod. 

“I always come back to you,” Calum whispered, “Always.” 

join my taglist: @hoodhoran @moonlightcriess @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lowkeyflop  @conversecake @hemmo1996-5sosvevo @ashtonsunflower @2fangirl4u @multistann @wiiildflowerrr @himbohood @in-superbloom​ @suchalonelysunflower @killmywildflower @sebsbrokentoe @nicebasscalum @letmereadpls  @xxxlaura

[undyingskies]

Beach Daze

request: no

a/n: So again I self indulged and created this piece of writing! Honestly I really like this one and hope you guys enjoy!

warnings: none, I think there are a few curse words. this is a long piece and I honestly don't remember 

___________________________________________

Finally, you had a day off. You were juggling picking up extra shifts at the coffee shop you were working at and nannying for the family you were working for.

It had been a nonstop 2 weeks of going from watching Josie then immediately going to a shift at the coffee shop.

But finally, today was the day. You had the time to relax and breath. You had the next two days off at the coffee shop and Josie and her family were out of town for the next week.

The weather in LA was warm and sunny, the heat beckoning you to go out and enjoy it.

The day prior your best friend invited you, well more told you, that the two of you were going to have a girls day at the beach. Which didn’t sound bad then and now with this weather it really didn’t sound bad at all.

You had your beach bag packed up, with sunscreen, tanning oil, a speaker and a towel. You also had a cooler full of snacks and drinks for the two of you.

You were excited to finally get some sun, your skin could use a sun kissed glow. It was going to be a good day.

Your phone ding goes off letting you know that you got a text. It was from your best friend letting you know that she was there to pick you up.

You throw your t-shirt over your bikini top and slip your sandals on before you make your way out to her car.

You throw your bag and cooler in her backseat before you hop in the front.

“Ready to go? I figured we could go to Malibu?” Morgan asked as you buckled yourself in.

“Yes and yes!” You tell her. “You got music for the way there and I got music for the beach?”

She nods in agreement. While both your music tastes were similar the two of you always seemed to argue over whose playlist you would play. This way the both of you got to play music.

The two of you jam out all the way to the beach, already feeling the relaxation of your day off.

Little did you know that a simple beach trip could potentially change your life.

Similar to your day off, Charlie finally had a free day. His days were full of interviews and promo for Julie and The Phantoms but today he was finally free for the whole day.

His friend Hannah invited him to the beach with her and her boyfriend. He thought why not, a day at the beach, enjoying the water and friends would not hurt him.

Hannah had told him to meet them at Malibu beach, he quickly packed his own bag to take to the beach with him before he left for the day.

You were there before him and just a few feet away from where him and his friends would reside on the same beach.

When  you and Morgan get to the beach; you quickly make your way down the sand to find the perfect spot.

Once you were convinced you had found the perfect spot, you and Morgan laid out your towels. You brought extra as you like to create a big space to be able to lay out on.

You pulled out a few drinks, handing one to Morgan and taking one for yourself. The two of you strip down to your bathing suits, and take turns helping each other spray sunscreen on your backs.

The sun on your skin already feels like heaven. You have your phone plugged into the speaker, enjoying your newest playlist. Morgan and you joke around for a little bit before she decides to take a nap and you decide to read your book.

What you didn’t know was that Charlie and his friends were just a few feet away from the two of you.

Your presence was unknown to them for a while until they caught wind of some of the jokes and conversation you were having with Morgan. Charlie laughed along with a few of your jokes.

“You should take a picture it’ll last longer.” Hannah pokes fun at Charlie.

The minute Charlie caught sight of you it seemed that you got all of his attention. Your humor caught him and your laugh made him stay. The beauty you held didn’t hurt either.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Charlie says blushing, embarrassed that she had caught him.

“Dude!” Hannah says laughing, “You haven’t taken your eyes or attention away from that girl since you noticed her.”

“Whatever Hannah!” Charlie says, “She’s been telling good jokes and I like her music.”  He says trying to avoid the conversation any longer.

Little did you know that two feet away from you was one of the most good-looking guys you would ever lay your eyes on and you had caught his attention.

You let some time pass as you read your book and let Morgan nap. You slowly felt the boredom start to creep through your thoughts letting it take your attention away from the words on your page.

You move to poke Morgan in the back hoping to wake her up. You poke her about 3 times before she starts to stir in her sleep.

“What do you want Y/N?” She asks sounding slightly annoyed.

“I’m bored, entertain me or let’s do something fun.” You tell her, still poking her.

“Stop!” She says laughing while moving to push your hands away. “We could play volleyball; I brought my ball.”

“Ya that sounds fun.” You tell her, moving to lean on your elbows. You feel the towel stick to your back due to the sweat that had pooled there. “I may go jump in the water before though, I need to cool off.”

She just nods her head at you before rolling onto her back. You loved the water, her not so much.

You stood up, brushing the sand off your thighs before you make your way down to the water.

A shiver rushes through you as the water hits your feet. You don’t let it stop you. Next thing you’re doing is jogging right into the water, diving headfirst into the incoming wave. A big smile across your face as you come up, brushing the hair out of your face.

You spend the next few minutes swimming around in the water, enjoying the waves and coolness of the water.

You were in your own little heaven completely oblivious to the world around you.

Completely oblivious to the brown-haired boy whose eyes were practically out of his head as he watched you swim and laugh around in the water. You looked beautiful, he could see the smile on your face and the sun shining off your body.

He didn’t think you could get any more beautiful, but then you made your way out of the water. It was like one of those scenes from the movie. It was like you were walking in slow motion, as you step back onto the sand, brushing back your hair from your face, the water dripping off you. It was a sight to see and you were absolutely breath taking.

Charlie was in a complete daze.

Hannah laughed again at the sight of her best friend, completely star struck by you.

“You should go talk to her.” She says pulling his gaze from you for the second time today.

“You know I can’t do that.” He says, shaking his head slightly and clearing his throat.

While Hannah tried to hype up her friend. You made your way to Morgan, using an extra towel to dry off slightly. The sun already doing most of the work.

“Hey, will you turn that up?” You ask her as you lean to grab the volleyball. Ready to toss it back and forth.

“Sure!” She says while doing so and then getting up to play with you.

A familiar tune to both you and Charlie starts to make its way throughout the atmosphere.

“Take off, last stop,

Countdown till we blast open the top,

Face first, full charge,

Electric hammer to the heart.”

You dance a little to the song, pulling some interesting moves getting a laugh from your friend.

You start to hit the ball back and forth, having to run around a little due to your lack of skill. You were still having fun though.

“What song is this?” Morgan asks, she knew your playlists pretty well and she never heard this song before.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure!” You tell her laughing, “Josie was playing it the other day on the ride home from school and she added it to my playlist. I liked it though so I kept it!”

She just nods her head and hits the ball back to you. Which you ignore due to the squeal that leaves your mouth.

“Hold on, this is the best part.” You tell her as you run to turn up the music louder, this time the sound can be heard by Charlie and his crew.

“And even if we hit the ground,

We’ll still fly,

Keep dreaming like we’ll live forever,

But live it like it’s now or never.”

You sing along, loudly and not quite on key, and pull some more interesting dance moves. Laughter leaving both you and Morgan.

Charlie and his friends eyes never leave the sight of you once they notice.

“That’s a familiar tune, now isn’t it?” Hannah says, the first one to notice the song that is playing through your speaker.

“Huh?” Charlie grunts out, not paying much attention. He was finally laying down and relaxing in the sun.

“Listennnnn!” Hannah says, a smile on her face.

The faint music of a very familiar song reaches Charlie’s ears. He hears the ever familiar lyrics,   “Those were the best shades of my life, don’t look down.”

Then he hears the music get louder, becoming much clearer. Then along with the familiar lyrics, he hears a voice singing along to it.

That’s when he’s pushing himself to sit up and witness you dancing along to his voice.

A big smile makes its way onto his face.

“I think that’s your sign to go talk to her buddy,” Hannah says giving him a shove.

“I don’t know, is it weird to go up to someone and be like hey you’re listening to my song oh and also you’re really pretty.” Hannah and her boyfriend laugh at his words.

“Come on, I’ll go with you! Maybe we can sneak our way into their volleyball game.” She says, grabbing onto Charlie’s hand and pulling him up.

Charlie stops moving, now nervous to go up to you. Hannah rolls her eyes at him.

“Fine, I’ll go do it myself! You’ll thank me later!” She says as she begins to jog over to you and Morgan.

The two of you are enjoying your game and joking around. Your jokes helping distract you from your terrible volleyball skills.

Your back was to Charlie and his friends so Morgan was the first to notice Hannah making her way up to you guys.

Morgan stops throwing the ball, confusing you.

“What dude? You’re scared of my skills now aren’t you?” You laugh at her, which gets a laugh from her and the person behind you. Which then in turn gets your attention. You quickly turn on your heels to make eye contact with the girl in front of you.

“Hi!” Is all she says.

“Hi back!” You say with a laugh and smile.

“I’m sorry if this is super weird or random but my friends and I saw you guys playing volleyball and we are wondering if we could join you?” She asks.

You look at Morgan both of you shrugging your shoulders, more people to play with couldn’t hurt.

“Sure!” You say.

“Awesome, I’ll go get them!” She says right as she turns on her own heels and makes her way back to the two boys, beckoning them to come over.

“Gillespie, you better get your ass over there or else.” She says with a stern look. She has him by the hand and dragging him over.

He can hear your laughter as he comes closer, it sounds even better close up.

Morgan nods her head at you, letting you know that they were coming back. When you turn you weren’t ready to see the boy standing in front of you.

You feel your breath get caught in your throat at the sight of him, your eyes locking in with his blue ones.

“Hi.” You say almost breathless, a smile displays itself on his face at your voice.

“Hi.” He says back. Both of your friends immediately noticing the connection between the two of you.

“So, I’m Hannah, this is my boyfriend Sam, and that fool is Charlie!” Hannah says breaking the silence and yours and Charlie’s eye contact.

“I’m Y/N, and she is Morgan.” You say pointing to Morgan and then reaching your hand out to shake everyone’s hand.

Once your hand reaches for Charlie’s, sparks fly up through your arms. Which you both try to ignore but can’t.

“So how about that game?” You ask a big smile on your face which takes Charlie’s breath away.

Everyone nods and then the game initiates. All five of you enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other.

After a few rounds of the game, everyone was feeling a little tired. The beating sun taking a lot of energy from everyone.

That’s why you offer them a snack and some drinks. You didn’t want the hanging out to end, more specifically you didn’t want Charlie to leave.

The energy between the two of you a lot more awkward than the energy between everyone else. But it seemed like neither of you could get enough of each other, constantly stealing glances at one another.

“I have to be honest real quick,” Hannah says, pausing after taking a bite of her sandwich. “That song you were playing, Charlie sings that so I had to come over here.”

You choke on your food. “No shit, really?” You ask, causing everyone to laugh at your face and your struggle to get it out.

“Ya, really.” He says. You move to slightly hit him, loving the feeling of his skin on yours.

“Why didn’t you guys say anything at first? That’s so embarrassing!” You laugh.

“Well Charlie here thought it would be embarrassing to come talk to the pretty girl listening to his song and telling her.” You blush at her words and Charlie sends her a death stare.

“I just thought it would be weird, I don’t know,” Charlie says trying to ignore the heat that makes its way onto his face, “Besides it’s not just my song!”

“Ooo intrigue, tell us more!” Morgan interjects. You nodding your head yes in agreement.

“Ah okay.” Charlie says, “Technically it’s a band that I play in. I got a job on this netflix show called Julie and The Phantoms, in the show I play in a band called Sunset Curve and the song you were listening to is the bands!” He says explaining it all.

“Ohhh, I know that show! Josie talks about it all the time!” You say. “She says her favorite character is I think Reggie?”

“Ya that’s another character in the band!” Charlie says.

“Okay cool! Ya she says and I quote, that while Reggie may only have two functioning brain cells she would let him ruin her life any day!” You say laughing, Charlie laughing along.

The two of your friends watching the two of you engage with one another, they could practically see the sparks flying.

“She would be jealous of me so much right now if she knew that I was with you!”

“Well how about we take a picture and send it to her?” He asks you. You immediately go to search for your phone, finding it under your shirt.

You open up your camera and lift it to get your faces in the frame. The both of you noticing the space in between you, which looked awkward in the photo.

Charlie hesitantly moves closer to you, your thighs touching, and moves his arm to go around your waist. You suck in a breath at the feeling of his hand on your hip.

“This okay?” He asks looking at you. He was so close, your faces practically touching. You could smell the mix of the beach and after shave coming off of him.

You nod your head yes, then move back to face the camera. “Say cheese!” Then click, you’ve got the photo.

You quickly send it to Josie with a message, excited to see her reply. You open up your photos to get a better look at the photo after you sent it.

Both yours and Charlie’s hair wet, sticking to your faces. Charlie is sporting a big smile, his eyes closed. You’re sporting a smile just as big, with your head tilted into his.

“Wow, you look beautiful.” Charlie says breathlessly looking at your phone. You had forgotten he was there. You’re now even more aware of how close the two of you were, neither of you moved from your position after the photo.

“Oh, thanks!” You say looking down and blushing. This was the first time all day that Charlie had heard you talk so quiet and less confident.

A shiver runs down your spine, you hadn’t noticed the temperature change or the sun starting to set. Neither of you seemed to notice that your friends had disappeared, opting to go on a walk for a little to leave you two alone.

Charlie notices you shivering. “Hey you cold?” He asks.

You nod your head, “Ya a little. I should have a jacket in that bag.” You say pointing to the one next to him.

He moves his arm from around your waist, skin brushing against yours again causing another shiver. He opens the bag but doesn’t see a jacket.

“There’s not jacket in there.” He informs you.

“Oh shit.” You say, “I always forget something!” You shrug, this wasn’t the first time it happened and knowing you it won’t be the last.

“Well here!” Charlie says while grabbing his own black jacket to hand to you.

“No Charlie, I couldn’t! What if you get cold?” You say pushing the jacket closer to him.

“I’m fine Y/N, I’m Canadian this California weather has nothing on me!” He says shoving the jacket back to you.

“You sure!” You ask hesitantly grabbing onto the jacket. Once you get a nod of approval, you’re on your feet pulling the hoodie over your head and letting it drape down to your thighs.

Yet again you’ve left Charlie breathless and in a daze.

“You look really cute in my jacket.” Charlie says, this compliment comes out more confident.

A blush makes its way onto your cheeks.

“Thank you!” You say back, opting to sit back down in your spot next to him.

“So why don’t you tell me a little more about you since it looks like our friends won’t be back soon!” You say leaning back to rest on your arms, Charlie following suit.

The next hour or so is spent filled with laughter and conversation. Both you and Charlie enjoying each other’s company. As time passes Charlie gets more confident in his flirting with you, loving to watch the blush creep up on your cheeks.

“Well you’re quite the flirt now aren’t you?” You laugh after Charlie’s last comment.

“Only for a beautiful girl like you.” He fires back just as quick as ever, which causes you to shake your head.

“Hey Y/N! You ready to head home?” You heard Morgan yell to you as she walks back up to your area of towels; pulling your attention away from Charlie and his compliments.

You look down at your watch, it was 7 PM. You didn’t notice the day fly by.

“Oh ya! I didn’t realize how late it was.” You say, getting up.

Charlie, Hannah, and Sam help you and Morgan get your things together. You guys tried to stop them but they refused, wanting to help you guys bring the stuff back to your car.

Charlie did so just for the extra time with you and Hannah knew her best friend and went along with it.

Once you had the car packed up, it was time for the goodbyes. You were a little sad, not wanting the day to end and have to say goodbye to your new friends. More specifically Charlie.

“Well it was nice meeting you guys! Maybe we could do this another time, Morgan you’ve got my number!” Hannah says pulling you into a hug and then Morgan. Sam following her lead.

Then the two of them make their way over to their car which they already have packed with their stuff.

“It was nice meeting you too Charlie!” Morgan says pulling him into a hug and then hopping into the driver’s seat. “I’ll give you two a minute.” She says while doing so and sending you a wink.

The wink causing you to both blush and look down.

You notice that you’re still wearing Charlie’s jacket and go to take it off. Charlie stops your hands as they go down to lift it off your head, “Keep it.” He says with a smile.

“No, I can’t do that! Besides you’ll need it, I’ll be warm in the car.” Again you move to take it off and he stops you.

“It’s fine Y/N, besides it gives me a reason to see you again.” He says stepping closer to you, he still has your hand in his.

“Do you think maybe I could get your number?” He asks you. You nod your head yes, almost too excited while grabbing your phone from your pocket, unlocking it, and handing it to him.

Charlie fumbles around with it for a minute before he locks it and puts it back in your pocket. He reaches to grab your hand again.

“Well it was nice meeting you Y/N.” He says, your chests touching and faces just inches from one another.

“It was nice meeting you too Charlie.” Big smiles are on both of your faces as you both look into each other’s eyes so close to one another.

Charlie breaks your eye contact for a brief second, letting his eyes drop to your lips and then back up to your eyes. You let your eyes do the same.

A breath catches in your throat as you notice Charlie start to lean in closer, you don’t move an inch and you hold your breath.

He stops just centimeters from your lips, “Is it alright if I kiss you?” His lips slightly brush yours with every word. All you can do is nod your head yes.

Then in a split moment his lips are on yours. He has your bottom lip between his two, your lips moving in sync with one another for a sweet kiss.

The moment ends too soon in your opinion, not wanting the feeling of his lips to leave yours.

He steps back to put a small amount of space between the two of you,

“Well it was nice meeting you Y/N, I will be seeing you soon.”

Matching smiles on both your faces.

“Oh really? You sound pretty confident about that Gillespie.” As much as you were excited about his words, you wanted to give him a hard time about it. You liked the look on his face when you teased him.

“Yes really, don’t fight it.” He says while laughing. You laugh along with him.

“Then I will be seeing you soon!” You say with a smile.

“Good.” Charlie says back with a smirk. To which you respond back with a “good” as well.

And with that he leans in and places one more kiss on your lips and pulls you into a hug.

“I’ll see you around.”

Then he’s off and on his way back to his car, leaving you breathless and in a daze. Before he hops in the car, he looks back at you and sends you a wink.

You smile largely and then turn to hop into the passenger seat. Morgan giving you a knowing look.

“Shut upppp.” You tell her laughing and rolling your eyes, all she does is hum back at you with a smile.

Your phone dings after a few minutes of riding in the car in silence. You look down to see the name Charlie with a heart next to it, you smile at the name.

You unlock your phone to see Charlie’s message confused because you saw a message from you to Charlie that you do not recall sending.

It was the photo of the two of you. He had sent it to himself.

You smile at the photo and then smile bigger at his message.

“That’s a pretty good-looking couple if I say so myself. How about a date tomorrow night?”

Who knew a day off at the beach could lead to this.

[macandriley]

5x06 - A Very MacRiley Analysis

Obligatory post to answer the age-old question: What do you see in MacRiley?

I’d like to start this off by saying, like a lot of you, I had very minimal hopes for this episode. I really didn’t expect anything to happen on the MacRiley front—especially not something that would significantly impact that storyline. 

But...I do enjoy being wrong.

Full transparency: this is not an episode review. If it were, I’d have to talk about the glaring plot inconsistencies and strange timeline. And I feel like I’ve already talked myself hoarse over that. 

So, without further adieu, let’s get into the long-winded analysis. 

The Cold Open

Absolutely irrelevant to the overall story and to this analysis. I just really like the way Mac says, “Riley, take the wheel,” and I thought it deserved an honorable mention.

“2020 Is Gonna Be Awesome”

Here, we cut to quarantine shenanigans. It’s cute. Fun. To see Riley and Bozer interacting like siblings again after so long just felt right.

Now, this is the pandemic, so of course conversations of toilet paper shortages arise. So Mac, in true MacGyver fashion, throws out some fun alternatives like newspaper and pine needles. And Riley shoots them all down, as she should. 

Because in the immortal words of Desi in 5x04, “Ew.”

This is when Bozer mentions that they could use the cardboard from Riley’s moving boxes. A seemingly innocent suggestion on the surface. If you don’t pay much attention to it, it goes right by without any fuss. 

However, at this point in canon, here’s what we know:

Bozer knows about Riley’s feelings for Mac

Riley has verbally told him that the reason she’s moving out is because of MacDesi. (Though her exact reasoning might’ve been intentionally misleading on her part)

So what does this mean? Well, to put it simply, Bozer is encouraging her to embrace living with Mac. To unpack her bags and stick around a while. A suggestion that Riley seems to ignore, as she says she’s dead set on getting out of there the second the pandemic allows.

Of course, the second she mentions moving, Mac picks back up with his beautiful Fauci song. Could it be that Himbo Barbie doesn’t like talking about Riley leaving? That’s open for interpretation.

Bonus points: Mac (incorrectly) blames Riley for not doing the dishes and it’s just adorably domestic. 

Getting Fed

Again, this scene is insignificant. The OG trio sit down to dinner, with Desi and Matty on video chat. It’s cute. 

But there is definitely something to be said for the way Riley looked at Mac when he mentioned having a private chat with Desi. My heart really went out to her there, because it must seem to her like she’s constantly being overlooked. 

After dinner, Riley and Bozer share a brief conversation. She expresses a disinterest in discussing her feelings, and reaffirms her choice to move out.

But Bozer reminds her that she’s only moving out so she “doesn’t have to watch Mac and Desi together,” and that “At this moment, it doesn’t seem like they are.”

This scene is important for two reasons: 

Bozer is clearly more supportive of MacRiley, which makes him honorary ship captain (as far as I’m concerned). 

it reaffirms the fact that her feelings are still very real, no matter how hard the lady doth protest.

Kitchen Floor Confessional

You all know this one from promo. After a tense conversation with Bozer, Mac heads inside to do the dishes. Riley, being the helpful person she is, offers to lend a hand. 

One thing leads to another, and the two wind up sitting on the floor by the sink, side by side. Just talking. The conversation comes to an end when Riley, who looks as though she wants to say something else, decides against it. (This “something else”, of course, would have been her confession). 

Cue the somewhat longing, emotionally charged staring from both parties. 

At this point, Mac says he’s going to go for a jog and abruptly leaves Riley alone in the kitchen. It’s clear by the look on her face that she feels, in some way, rejected. And the viewer is, at least for now, left to ponder why Mac seemed to cut the moment off so strangely. 

Though one could hypothesize that, just like Riley’s being packed and ready to go, Mac’s running has a little more to do with the emotional distancing than physical. 

The Parking Lot

Here we see Mac run off to speak to Desi. A scene I will not discuss at length, because the idea of playing footsie makes me cringe in the deepest recesses of my soul.

A little ways away, Bozer asks Riley if she told Mac about her feelings. She tells him she didn’t and that she’s glad, because she doesn’t want to be the thing that comes between them and their “happiness” (happiness is in quotes here because it seems like “anger” and “annoyance” are more common for them).

The dialogue in and of itself is not what I want to focus on here though. It’s the way the scene is framed.

Outside of the close-up shots for MacDesi’s conversation, much of the camera angles are from Riley’s perspective. Distant. Detached. The standpoint of an outsider looking in—of a girl watching the man she cares about being happy with someone else. 

The camerawork here makes this more of a Riley-centric moment than a MacDesi one.

Which is important because, from a narrative standpoint, there is no reason to frame it that way unless her emotions are going to be focal later on. This entire exchange implies that, in some way, Riley’s feelings are, were, and will be important to the plot. 

Yay for directorial story telling. 

A Moment

What to say about this scene? 

Mac has a heart to heart with Bozer and promises to be more present in his life. Bozer thanks him and begs him to finally clean the damn kitchen.

And agreeing, Mac turns away to do just that. Only, he stops himself short and tells Bozer he has one more thing he’d like to discuss.

The quote went as follows: “Kay, so...in the kitchen here a couple nights ago with Riley, there was a, uh...I don’t know, a moment.”

As I’m sure every MacRiley knows, him acknowledging that scene as a legitimate moment between them was incredibly unexpected. They’ve arguably had “moments” before, but only Riley ever seemed to notice them. Mac never mentioned having feelings, or even seemed like he might be aware of them.

This scene is the first time we’ve ever had direct confirmation that he feels—at least, in some capacity—the same way. 

To make it even better, this scene happens directly after MacDesi’s footsie match in the parking lot. Which means that, even when he’s got positive momentum with Desi, he’s still got Riley on his mind. 

Side note: I personally think this explains his behavior in 5x03. He doesn’t see Riley reciprocating, and he’s probably incredibly worried about screwing up all their history—an issue he doesn’t have with Desi, since they didn’t have much of a friendship first. 

So he throws himself back into that in an attempt to smother his feelings. Will it work? Only time will tell.

Ending

After cleaning up the kitchen, Mac picks up the piece of glass he’d left on the floor and, surprise surprise, finally gets an idea for his ventilator. Some fans say this is Riley’s influence, which I can honestly see. 

Especially given the quote Mac says at the end:

“When the world feels like it’s so turned upside down that it’s impossible to fix, it helps to look at things from a different angle. Because no matter how broken something appears—whether its your grumpy neighbor, your terrified best friend, your estranged girlfriend, or a shard of glass—that broken thing could inspire something new...Maybe even something better than before.”

I believe this is a direct foreshadow to MacRiley. Somehow, his fractured relationship with Desi will make him see what he COULD have with Riley. This “new angle” might even help him see that he’s better off as friends with Desi (something new), and that he might be happier in a relationship with Riley (something better).

And if you still don’t buy that, well...the scene transition seems pretty damning. 

There was absolutely no reason the camera couldn’t have faded to Bozer. Or to a shot of all three of them. This feels incredibly intentional, no?

In Conclusion

“Codex Adrenaline” and “Quarantine Cabin Fever” are cop-outs. Riley still likes Mac. Mac now likes Riley. And we are 100% going to see more development on that front. So is this a win?

I think so.

But I wanna hear from y’all. What did you like about this episode? What did you hate? Do you feel like they’re leading up to something bigger for MacRiley?

I’d love to hear y’alls thoughts. 

[writingbeary]

Happy

Note: Set around Year 2019

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Waking up to a quiet dorm was something Minyoung would have never expected to experience when she moved in with them but that is what she woke up to this morning. They were given their usual holiday after promotion period, only this time they were given a whole week off which the members took advantage of to visit their family.

Minyoung didn't have any close family in Korea which is why she's remained at the dorms. The members did ask her if she wants to go with any of them so she won't be alone but she declined saying she'll be fine at the dorm and making an excuse that she made plans with her friends. She actually didn't have any plans since most of her friends are busy during this time but she didn't want to intrude on the family time of her members.

Jongho was last one to leave this morning as he was living the closest and was very hesitant to leave Minyoung alone. "You can just come with me. Mom would love to have you over. She’s been asking me when you’ll come to visit anyway. You'll be alone for a few days. Are you sure?"

"Don't worry about me and just go. I'm sure they're already waiting for you back home. I'll contact you if something happens, or better yet I'll just update everyone in our chatroom." Minyoung let out a giggle as she was trying to push Jongho out the door, the latter not budging from his spot.

"Then make sure to message okay? If you change your mind, tell me and I'll pick you up." Jongho sighed before smiling.

"Mhm! Don't worry and just enjoy the holiday. Tell your mom that I’ll visit her next time." Minyoung hugged him before seeing him off.

Having the dorms to herself, Minyoung looked around for something to do before deciding she could clean up the place a bit. They've been so busy that they barely had time to eat and sleep, much less clean. It wasn't as messy as one would expect a group of their size would have but there were some that needs cleaning mainly the shoe cabinet and the couch that sometimes doubles as a hamper. She lost track of time only to realize how late in the afternoon it has gotten, when her stomach made a sound.

"It's time for lunch, I guess. Do we even have anything I can eat here?" Minyoung looked through the fridge and found it empty except for bottled water and kimchi. "Guess not. I'm ordering in and maybe go for groceries tomorrow." She picked up her phone and decided to call the Chinese restaurant near them.

"Yes. Please leave it by the door. Yes." She said finishing up the call. She was then reminded of how she couldn't even call for delivery, worrying if they could understand each other.

(Flashback)

ATEEZ was in the middle of practicing for their showcase when Hongjoong decided it’s time for them to take a break. Most members lied down on the floor catching their breath. 

“So tired and I’m hungryy.” Minyoung whined as she sat down legs stretched on the floor.

“What do you want to eat?” Seonghwa asked already getting their manager’s phone to order.

“I want chicken.” Yeosang answered with Mingi agreeing to it

“Pizza” Jongho and Minyoung answered at the same time, grinning at each other when they realized.

“Should we get chicken and pizza then?” Hongjoong looked around if everyone is okay with it.

“Let Minyoung order it.” San laughed as he noticed Minyoung whipped her head, shocked and confused why he’ll even suggest that. “For practice. Don’t you want to learn how to be able to do that on your own?” San added.

Minyoung nodded, biting her lip“But..what if they don’t understand? Or I don’t understand.” 

“You’ll just have to tell them. We’ll guide you anyway then later you’ll be used to it.” Mingi patted her head chuckling as Minyoung took the phone to order.

Minyoung called the shop and waited nervously for them to pick up the call. “Ah. Hello. I would like to order. Yes. The address is KQ Entertainment. I’d like 4 orders of chicken and 3 boxes of the pizza special. I’ll pay with my card. Thank you.”

“We have a special promo for today..” as the staff went on to explain Minyoung looked towards Jongho for help in a panic as there were a lot of information being relayed in a short time. The other members let out a laugh, particularly San and Wooyoung who were laughing as if they were having the time of their lives. Jongho decided to step in and finish the order for the girl and patting her back after.

“You did well Youngie-ah.” Mingi chuckled patting her head “That was good.”

“The look on your face!” Wooyoung who was still cracking up at what happened managed to say in between his laughs

“Yah yah. Stop it. She did well.” Mingi defended her “I’d imagine the same would happen to us if we were abroad.”

“Should we not let them eat?” Jongho said grinning. Minyoung looked as if she was thinking about it, evoking laughter from everyone other than San and Wooyoung who suddenly stopped and argued that they can’t do that.

(End of Flashback)

It has been six days since the members left for their family homes, six days since Minyoung had the dorm to herself. She had already done everything she could think of to stave off boredom. She was able to talk to her family through video calls, meet up with some of her highschool friends who didn’t have a busy week, and managed to watch dramas and movies that she wanted but unable to due to their packed schedule. She never knew that a week could be a long time when you don’t have anything planned.

The quiet dorm, although Minyoung appreciates how relaxing it is, makes her miss the members and their antics a lot. It was to the point where Minyoung even thought that she wouldn’t mind Wooyoung and San teasing her about the most random things.

“How should I spend the kill time tomorrow?” Just as she thought that, her phone dinged indicating a new message.

(ATEEZ groupchat)

San: Minyoung-ah, are you home? Minyoung: I am. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ Minyoung: Why? Did you have something that will be delivered today? (・・ ) ? San: Can you open the door for me? There’s a lot for me to bring up. Seonghwa: San, you went back early? San: I did. Mom scolded me when she found out Minyoung spent the holiday alone and told me I should have asked her to come with me. Wooyoung: My dad told me off too. He even said I should just go back after spending a day at home. Jongho: I asked her to come with me but she didn’t want to. Minyoung: How could I? It’s a rare holiday, I didn’t want to intrude on your time. |･ω･) Minyoung: Hold on. Let me open the door for San-oppa. Jongho: I told you my mom has been asking me when you’ll come visit. Seonghwa: I’m also on the way back already. Wait for me and let’s eat dinner together.

Minyoung went to get the door and helped San place his bags on the kitchen table.

“My mom packed a lot of food for you. She said you should come with me next time instead of staying here alone.” San handed one of the bags to Minyoung with his mom’s note for her

“Omo. I should thank her. I definitely want to come see where you grew up oppa. I’ve always been curious about it too.” Just then, the chime of their door being unlocked sounded making the two look at each other as if asking who else returned early “Oh! Welcome back. Yeosang-oppa, you also returned earlier? Why?” Minyoung gasped in surprise as both Yeosang and Seonghwa walk in together.

“I didn’t have anything else to do at home so I figured I should just go back and accompany you. Then I saw Seonghwa-hyung outside the door.” Yeosang explained as he went to his room to arrange his stuff.

Seonghwa patted Minyoung’s head as the girl gave him a hug “Yunho said he’s almost here too so let’s wait for him so we could eat together.”

“What is this?” San bursted out in laughter as he was checking his phone

“What happened?” Minyoung asked trying to take a peek

“Everyone’s returning today.” San showed Minyoung their group chat

(ATEEZ groupchat)

Yunho: I’m almost there. There’s some traffic but I’ll get there in 15 minutes Seonghwa: Have you had dinner? If not, we’ll wait for you Yunho: Not yet. Alright, I’m almost at the intersection. Hongjoong: What is this? So is everyone returning today? San: I’m already here with Yeosang and Seonghwa-hyung. Mingi: Did you guys talk about this? Hold on. I’ll get ready and go too. Jongho: Already on my way when Seonghwa-hyung said he’s returning today Hongjoong: Okay. I’ll head straight to the dorms then. I’ll just finish this song. Jongho: You’re at the company Hongjoong-hyung? Hongjoong: I am. I didn’t know how else I’ll spend the rest of the break and I had an idea for a song so I might as well work on it as soon as possible. Wooyoung: Wait. Σ(□_□) Wooyoung: Everyone’s back? Wooyoung: I’m going too! ε=ε=┌( >_<)┘

“Everyone’s going back today? Wahh” Minyoung exclaimed glad that she’s finally have some company. She has to admit that even if their dorms could be as chaotic as could be, she missed spending time with her members. All of ATEEZ realized how glad she is with how bright her smiles are and how she plays along with all the jokes and teasing.

Outtake:

“So? When will she visit again? It’s been a while since I last saw Minyoung. Bring the others with you too.” Jongho’s mom asked for the nth time during their dinner the first night of his holiday

“I already asked her. She said she’ll visit next time.” Jongho shook his head laughing “Are you sure I’m your son? You’ve been asking about Minyoung this whole time!”

“It’s just she’s still a kid. She’s the same age as you and I can’t help but worry for her. You even said she didn’t have any close family in Korea. So I’m worried.” His mom laughed as she explained trailing off before his younger brother suddenly piped in “Mom is always talking about Minyoung-noona with the other aunties.” and his Dad adding in “They all want to see her. I’m surprised your mom hasn’t visited your dorms to see Minyoung.”

────────── ♔ ──────────

ATEEZ Minyoung Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. Any portrayal of real people is a combination based on what we could see on cameras and imagination of the author. This is purely fan fiction written for entertainment. Thank you for understanding.

━━━━━━ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ━━━━━━

Writing Beary Corner

This was actually supposed to be a short post in chat format lol but I again went overboard and wrote a whole thing for it haha! thats my excuse if it seems random lol

and i need serious help with titles. ack

-Mimi

17

[imagines--harrystyles]

Love is Complicated

Part 1 of a new series - Y/N and Harry’s relationship starts to crumble

----

Harry’s eyes were sunken and carried a hollowness that was different from anything you’d seen in them before. You took a slow and steady breath as his empty eyes met yours, and you knew this time was different, heavier. 

“I’m sorry the timing isn’t great, never is,” you heard Harry murmur, barely audible. He was now staring at his hands that were fumbling with the edge of the table that he was sitting in front of. 

It wasn’t just that Harry would be going away again for months to promote his new album before he would go on tour all around the world, which would last the majority of the year. It wasn’t just that he had waited until three days before he was set to fly across the country to tell you he was leaving, even though the two of you had planned a week long trip to Spain to celebrate four years of dating that you were supposed to leave for in less than two weeks. The space between the two of you had been growing the longer Harry was home with you, knowing the longer it had been since he’d been back, the sooner he would have to leave again. That was just part of it, part of being a famous singer. But this felt different, for both of you. 

“I just wish you would have said something sooner, with the trip coming up and it’s just such short notice,” you finally responded, Harry still not making eye contact with you. 

“Yeah m’sorry, they just told me recently but I guess I haven’t really seen you too much the last couple o’ days, didn’t really get a chance to talk to you until now.” Harry finally brought those big green eyes up to meet yours, the emptiness in them only more apparent now. “I don’t know what’s with you lately. Feels like it might be a good thing for me to be leaving for promo and tour so soon actually.”

You knew the reason he hadn’t seen so much of you lately is because you were distancing yourself from him, though not intentionally. The longer he was home with you, you knew the sooner until he had to leave again. And it hurt so much, every time that he had to leave and the whole time he was gone. It finally got to a point where you just didn’t want to face that pain again, and as you began to realize that you were pulling away, you figured it would be easier this way. 

“Well, I’m so sorry I have a life outside of you and other things I want to do. I don’t know how you can act like that when you’re the one literally leaving for a year right now,” you retorted, your words starting to flow from you like lava. The tears started to well up in your eyes, only angering you more.

“Don’t act like that now, you know I try to come back as much as I can in between shows and promo, and I always try to get you to fly out on tour but you always have some excuse not to come.” Harry’s voice started to waver, his hollow eyes slightly widening and brows furrowing. 

“But that’s the thing, Harry! I have a life here, and I like my life here! Sometimes it feels like the only life that matters is yours. Just because I’m not all big and famous like you, it’s like anything I do will never be that important. I can’t just fly out to see you all the time- I have a job here, I have friends Harry! I’m so tired of having this fight.” The tears were now freely flowing down your face, your arms crossed and muscles tensed as you realized this conversation wasn’t going anywhere good. 

You glanced in Harry’s direction, knowing that he was really sensitive when it came to talking about him being famous and you feeling like your life was insignificant compared to his. You knew that would hurt him. And you didn’t even care. You could hear him take a loud and shaky breath, before scooting his chair back from the table. Though tears fell from his eyes just as they did yours, both of your faces remained without emotion, your eyes just as hollow as Harry’s. This relationship had been blissful for you both at the beginning, but it had taken so much out of both of you lately, and now it was all crumbling. You felt like you were losing all control, and you just knew you couldn’t handle the pain of him being gone again. And so you couldn’t help the next words that came out of your mouth.

“Yeah that’s a good idea, actually, you should just go. Go be with you famous friends and live your famous life. Just go. You always do,” you seethed.

Harry didn’t look in your direction as he walked toward your shared bedroom, beginning to pack a bag of his things. You couldn’t move from your position leaning against the counter, almost trembling with the amount of emotion you could feel rushing through and out of you. 

It didn’t take more than five minutes for Harry to return with his large duffel bag in hand, a look on his face that was unfamiliar to you. Words flat and eyes empty as ever, Harry muttered a “take care of yourself” before heading towards the front door. 

The second that door slammed, you crumpled onto the kitchen tiles and let the flood of emotions consume you. 

[taleasnewastime]

I hope

Jungkook x reader genre: angst word count: 900

a/n: This talks about Jungkook cheating, which I don’t think he would ever do (though I don’t actually know him personally, so who knows), anyway my point is this is pure fiction. It’s based off the song “I hope” by Gabby Barrett. This is pure sadness, no happy ending, just a warning in case you don’t want to read. If you do read, I hope you enjoy!

Tears continued to stream down your face as you looked at Jungkook standing in front of you.  

“Who told you?”

“Does it really matter how I found out?” You struggled to keep you voice steady. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you.”

“No you don’t, if you loved me you would never have slept with her.”

“It was a stupid mistake. I don’t feel anything for her. I don’t know what I can tell you to convince you it meant nothing,” desperation seeped into his voice.  

“You can’t tell me anything Jungkook. You made your choice and you can’t undo that however much I wish you could.”

Jungkook runs a hand down his face in frustration as the tears continue to silently stream down your face. Unbeknownst to him you had found out he had cheated on you thanks to your friend that works with him. They had been away doing some promo for their upcoming song and were eating out when a few of them decided to stay and continue to have some drinks. That’s when they began chatting to other people in the bar and where the girl had come along. Your friend had said how cosy they were in the bar, the girl constantly touching him and he didn’t stop her. That’s when they both left together. She couldn’t confirm that anything had happened but you knew something had.

The thing that hurt the most was when you found out this wasn’t the last time. The same girl, multiple nights. And that’s when your heart broke and you felt sick. That’s where you found yourself now. Jungkook had just come home from his trip and you had confronted him when he walked through the door. And he didn’t deny a thing.  

“I think it’s best I leave,” you head up to your bedroom to grab a bag to put some clothes in. You didn’t know where you were going to go but you knew one of your friends would house you even if just for the night, from there you would figure something more long term out. All you knew was you needed to get out of this house now.  

Jungkook trailed slowly behind you and watched from the door as you began packing some clothes. “You don’t have to leave. I’ll sleep on the sofa. Or I can go stay with one of the boys.”

“I don’t think I can stay here. I don’t think I can stand staying somewhere that has constant reminders of you.”

“Please, Y/N, can we not talk about this some more?”  

“I don’t know what else there is to say.”

“But we’ve not said anything. Please, I want to tell you that I still love you. That I regret every second of what I did and I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t love her like I love you. Please I don’t think I can I live without you in my life.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that earlier Jungkook.”

“Please tell me what I can say, what I can do, to make this right.”

At this point you had finished putting the few essentials you needed into your bag. You zipped it up and grabbed it as you walked back out the room towards the front door, shoving past Jungkook as you went. “There is nothing you can say.”

“Please just talk to me,” he pleads as you finally reach the door.  

“You want me to talk?” You turn to look at him, sadness in your eyes as you meet his. “I can't believe you would ever do this to me. I don’t care who it was, how it happened, when it happened, I can’t believe in any situation, with any girl, you would do this to me.” The words and emotions flow out of you as you gain a sudden amount of control.  

“Y/N I -”

“I thought it was my turn to talk?” You cut Jungkook off and he remains silent giving you a slight nod to tell you to carry on.  

“I have never felt hurt like this and I don’t know if you will ever fully understand how I feel right now.” You pause as your heart pounds, hatred and anger starting to take over from sadness. “You know. I hope she makes you smile. I hope you both feel the sparks that we felt when we met. I hope you can finally feel free with her and tell all your friends that you are so happy with her. I hope she visits you when you have time off and you spend all your money on making her happy. I hope she’s everything you want and need. And then I hope she cheats like you did on me.”

Jungkook stares at you, eyes never breaking contact as tears slowly seep out of his eyes but he remains silent.  

“I hope she makes you feel the same way about her that I feel about you right now. Because you know, only then will you truly begin to feel how I feel right now. And when you realise how I feel, maybe you can come to me, and only then will I be ready to talk to you.”

You give Jungkook one last look, taking in his features as you don’t think you’ll ever see him this close again. Then you turn around and leave the place you once called home. As the door closes Jungkook can only stare at the place you once stood before he collapses on the ground sobbing uncontrollably.  

[alpacaparkaseok]

Mine

12. Skydiving with no parachute

Genre: Min Yoongi x oc

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.3k

“You’re all packed and ready to go, right?” Sebastian’s voice is loud and clear as I put him on speaker phone and place him on the nightstand.

“Just about,” I respond, folding another shirt and placing it in my suitcase. “I’m just wrapping it up right now. What time will you guys be here tomorrow?”

Bong-cha is out for a meeting at the Bighit building, she promised to come back as soon as possible so we could enjoy the evening together. I decided to make the most of my afternoon and pack everything up.

“Rhea said we’ll swing by at 6.”

Our flight leaves tomorrow morning at 9:30, sending us back over to Europe for another week of promos and then we’ll be off to the states. Home sweet home.

“Ok, sounds great.”

“See ya tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

For all that’s gone on over the past few weeks, today is too calm and quiet. I have the entire house to myself, nobody is blowing up my phone, and I have nowhere to really go today. Any other day, I would have been over the moon about my current situation...but I can’t help but feel a little restless.

Yoongi and I brainstormed yesterday for a long time, trying to figure out just how we were going to make this work. Living on opposite sides of the world and the both of us having busy schedules that just so happen to be in the spotlight isn’t exactly making this easy.

There was a point yesterday where Yoongi stopped mid-sentence and looked at me with bright red cheeks.

“Is this moving too fast? I mean, I know you said we’re on the same page, but I think we should try to make this as normal as possible, you know?”

That statement alone was enough to have me swooning over him all over again. “I’m with you on that. I think right now...should we just focus on the basics?”

To be honest, I still don’t even know what we are, but I’m just happy to know that we are something.

At least, that’s what I’m trying to entertain myself with now that I’m just sitting on the couch and staring at Bong-cha’s TV. I’m not even sure what I’m watching, the thoughts in my head are too loud to think around anyway.

There’s a lot that I end up doing within the confines of the apartment. I can safely say that I’ve completed 12 ½ squats, 3 pushups, and one thirty second wall sit.

I’ve also eaten approximately three meals in the past two hours, so yeah. Boredom can be a dangerous thing, can’t it?

The reality of the situation is this: I’ve completed everything I need to do for the day, and now I’m just trying to stop myself from marching back into my room and folding Yoongi’s black shirt for the fifth time.

Eventually I end up scrolling through the outlines my agent has sent me, mulling over each option. There’s one project that is especially calling my name, but from what I’ve heard there’s a couple of pretty big actresses going after it.

I’m in the middle of a very convincing monologue when Bong-cha walks in.

“Wow,” she chuckles at me while dropping her bag on the counter. “Looks like you’re having a great time.”

“Oh, yeah.” I shrug, putting my phone away. “I’m trying to memorize this monologue for an audition. It’s all about this forbidden love back in the 1700s, it sounds like it would be pretty intense. But people love that kind of crap, you know? Hey, how was your meeting?”

Bong-cha is slipping into her room to change into something more comfortable. “It was fine, pretty boring. Just wrapping up some final details. Jungkook said to tell you hello, by the way.”

We both know who I’m really itching to ask about, but I refrain from asking for the time being. “So what’s on the agenda for tonight? We can go out, eat at that one restaurant, you know the one by the park? That place never gets old. Or we can stay in, order takeout.” I quickly add once I notice the look of pure exhaustion on Bong-cha’s face.

Rolling her shoulders, she shoots me a tired smile. “Don’t you want to go out? I don’t want to be lame for your last night here.”

“No, I really don’t care. Sometimes it’s nice to just chill at home.”

It doesn’t take much more convincing before Bong-cha is on the phone and ordering up some food. We settle down in the front room, bickering over different movies and chatting about my promo schedule.

“So you’re going back to Europe? Why? Weren’t you just there?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Yeah, but we weren’t able to finish up everything that we wanted to because we came here. So we’ll be there for a week in Germany and Italy.”

“And then you’re heading home?”

“Yep.”

“When are you going to start bringing me souvenirs? I always-” Bong-cha is cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door. “Oh, there’s the food. Anyways, like I was saying- oh!”

I jump up from my seat, heart pounding in my chest as I hope against hope that a certain dear friend of mine is at the door.

“Hi, I intercepted your delivery guy.”

Jimin holds up our food with a shy smile, giving me a little wave. Bong-cha takes a moment to recover, but when she does she invites him in and scolds him for doing the deliverer’s job.  

“Are you packed now?” Jimin asks me from where he’s unloading our food on the counter. Bong-cha is moving about in a frenzy, pulling glasses from the cupboards and shooting me panicked expressions any chance she gets.

It’s all I can do to not burst out laughing at the situation. “Yeah, everything is ready to go. Actually, would you mind taking something back to Yoongi for me?” When Jimin nods I rush into my room and grab the black t-shirt from my bed.

“Wow, you stole his clothes? That’s pretty bold of you,” Jimin teases me before setting the shirt down where he’ll remember it. “Here’s your plate.”

I take the plate from him, making some lame excuse about needing something from the kitchen and sidling over to Bong-cha. “Invite him to stay for the movie,” I breathe out, hoping she hears me.

“Have you eaten?” Bong-cha asks as she stomps on my foot. I yelp, rushing out of the kitchen.

“No, not yet. I’ll eat later, though.”

“Well...Cara and I were just going to watch a movie tonight. You can stay if you want, we’ll order more food.”

Jimin’s smile could power New York City as he looks at Bong-cha. “Sure, that’d be nice.”

We fall into an easy conversation, the three of us lounging about and scarfing down our food. Jimin ends up ordering a ghastly amount of food and treats, so much that it looks like we’re hosting a party. I can tell that Bong-cha is one churro away from offering Jimin her hand in marriage as he laughs at a funny part in the movie.

7:06 ME: Soooo Jimin and Bong-cha?

It’s surprisingly easy to angle my phone away from their attention as the two of them are lost in their own little world. One watches the movie while the other watches the person, and then they switch.

7:09 MYG: What, the fact that he’s completely whipped for her?

“What are you over there giggling about?” Bong-cha asks me, wiggling her eyebrows. Jimin tries to do the same, looking like some evil experiment.

“What? The movie is really funny.”

“Cara.”

“Yeah?”

“The main character’s mother just died.”

“Oh.”

Jimin leans back, stretching a bit. “I bet she’s texting Yoongi. That’s all he’s ever doing these days, anyways.” My face burns which leads Jimin to give a triumphant shout.

“Has he confessed his undying love for you yet?” Bong-cha asks. Jimin jumps in next.

“He basically did yesterday, didn’t he?”

“No, Cara just said that they’re working through the basics. No ‘I love yous’ or anything yet.”

“Yeah,” Jimin rests his hands on his knees, angling himself toward Bong-cha. “But actions speak louder than words.”

Now Bong-cha leans forward as well, my own participation in this conversation long forgotten. “That’s true, but you can’t just rely on actions alone! Sometimes words are necessary.”

“So girls want actions and words?”

“Of course they do! Actions can be misleading, words at least offer a clear explanation!”

Jimin looks like he’s caught between telling Bong-cha he loves her or pulling her closer. “But words can be misleading as well! Why can’t people just connect the dots through someone’s actions?”

7:12 ME: Oh my gosh they’ve got it baaaad

7:12 ME: This is honestly the most fun I’ve had all day, just watching them. Are they always this oblivious?

“Because nobody should have to rely on that one thing alone! There should be a healthy balance between actions and words. Say what you intend, and follow up with your actions! It’s as simple as that!” Bong-cha is nearly panting, but there’s a hint of a smile curling around her lips.

Jimin scans her face for a moment longer, eyes lingering on the bridge of her nose and the way her hair falls into her face when she’s riled up.

“Huh. Interesting.” With that Jimin sits back, returning his attention to the screen. Bong-cha follows suit almost immediately.

“Idiots,” I mumble under my breath.

“What was that?” Bong-cha asks.

“Oh, nothing. Just reading out loud.”

🌙

12:17 MYG: Sorry, I just got out of a meeting. I didn’t mean to not respond. To answer your question, yes. They’re always like that.

I’m wide awake and staring up at the ceiling when Yoongi messages me. Snatching my phone from the bedside table, I scan the text.

12:18 ME: You just finished your meeting? Why was it so late?

12:20 MYG: I had to change some things with the mixtape, so there were a lot of things to go over.

Frowning, I hastily type out another question.

12:21 ME: What are you changing? I thought it was perfect the way it was before, but I’m sure whatever you changed will be good too.

12:25 MYG: It’s not as bad as it sounds. I just finally found a concept that I thought really fit. Now we’re just trying to make sure everything flows with the concept.

12:27 ME: What’s the new concept?

A while passes before Yoongi responds, and I try to trick myself into thinking that we’re done talking for the night so I can finally get some rest. Of course, once my phone lights up with a new message I’m just as awake as ever.

12:52 MYG: You’ll see when it drops in December 😌

12:55 ME: Rude.

12:57 MYG: Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping right now? What time are you leaving in the morning?

1:00 ME: Leaving here at 6, flight leaves at 9:30.

Sighing into the darkness I watch at those three little dots appear at the bottom of the screen. I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t even get to see Yoongi today, but it’s just now that I’m realizing I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I’ve told myself a million times today that this is just how it’s going to be, and that I’ll just take what I can get. If it’s tired late night texts, then I’ll take it.

I think that scares me. It scares me, how little I want from him. How he has so much sway over my heart.

It’s a good scary, I think. Like the kind of scared you get before you jump out of a plane, your first time going skydiving. Right now I’m just hoping that my parachute isn’t riddled with holes, but as I stare at those three little dots, I’m wondering if I even remembered to put a parachute on in the first place.

1:02 MYG: You should go to sleep, Car. Let’s facetime tomorrow? Just shoot me a text when you land.

As my tired fingers text out a goodnight, I can’t help but feel like I’m an idiot for skydiving without a parachute, because the ground seems to be approaching too fast.

🌙

All I know is there’s an alarm going off, and I want to kill it.

“Whaaaat do you want from meeee,” I groan out as I fumble in the darkness for my phone. Once it’s silenced, I check the time.

5:15 am. I’m disgusted.

Stumbling around the room until I hit the lightswitch, I hiss as light fills the room. Through squinted eyes I can see my suitcase and the clothes I laid out for today. I’m ashamed to say that I nearly sustained a concussion while attempting to put my pants on, my tangled legs and the dresser being the main culprits.

I think it goes without saying that by the time I emerge from the room and finish brushing my teeth, I’m ready to go back to bed.

The sounds of Bong-cha using the toaster guide me, suitcase in tow. Now comes the hardest part: saying goodbye.

“Do you want jam as well or just butter?” A deep, tired sounding voice asks me.

Min Yoongi stands before the toaster, decked out in sweats and a sweatshirt. His hair is a mess, standing up on the ends. His eyes are still half-closed, his lips in a pout as he turns to face me.

I gape at him, taking in what I think might be his best choice of outfit ever. “Is this a dream?”

He shakes his head slowly. “It’s too cold outside to be a dream. Jam or just butter?”

Later I’ll cover for myself and claim that my tears were just a side effect of the early morning and the long day ahead of me, but right now I can’t think up any excuse as hot tears start falling down my cheeks.

“J-jam.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen as he notices my predicament, and he clears the kitchen in no time, leaving the toast abandoned. I think he must be tired as well, because he doesn’t even hesitate before pulling me into his arms and squeezing me tight.

My arms wrap around his back, hands getting lost in the fabric of his hoodie. He presses his lips to the top of my head, the action causing me to snuggle in even deeper and get his hoodie all wet with my tears.

“Y-you came...and made m-me toast?” The words are muffled, but it’s quiet enough in the house that he hears me.

“Should I not have?” Yoongi asks, and I pull away just enough to look up at him, scowling.

“No, I’m happy you d-did. It’s just…” I take a steadying breath, more tears flooding my eyes as Yoongi looks down at me with a soft expression I’ve never seen before.

“I know.” He pulls me back in, hands rubbing soothing circles on my back. “I know, Car.”

We stay like that for a long while, and it’s only when my sniffles have subsided that Yoongi gently takes my hands in his and leads me over to the kitchen island. I sit down, watching as he spreads butter and then jam onto my toast.

Setting the plate before me he reaches into the fridge for some orange juice and pours us both a glass.

“Sorry, it’s probably cold now.”

I shake my head, taking another bite. “Still tastes good. Thank you.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Yoongi gets up, one hand tracing over my shoulders and he walks over to the couch. “This is for you.”

He hands me a small package wrapped in brown wrapping paper, a black ribbon tied around the middle. I raise my eyebrows at him.

“A present? Can I open it?”

“Open it when you get to your hotel tonight.” Yoongi looks a bit embarrassed as he sits back down, and I realize that he might be feeling a little out of his element here. After all, when was the last time he ever had a relationship?

I get up and put the package away in my suitcase, groaning when I check the time. Everyone should be here in about 5 minutes.

“Times up?”

Looking up I see Yoongi wandering over to me, hands pushing his hair back in an effort to tame it. I nod solemnly.

We don’t speak a word as I meet him halfway, fingers entangling themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. He closes his eyes for a moment, and I take advantage of the situation, leaning up and pressing a peck to his jaw.

I can hear his sharp intake of breath, quickly followed by Bong-cha’s annoyed voice.

“Really? Get a room, losers.”

Blushing madly, I try to squirm out of Yoongi’s grasp but his gruff laugh has me stilling in his arms. “Turn around, Bong-cha.” Without waiting to see if she will, Yoongi leans down and presses a long, slow kiss to my lips.

It’s not nearly long enough as the sound of a car honking outside pulls us apart. Yoongi has a somber look in his eyes as he gives me an encouraging nod and a small peck to my forehead before stepping back.

Bong-cha skips forward, launching herself into my arms. “You two are gross, but I still love you.”

“Love you too,” I whisper, my tears threatening to make a reappearance. Bong-cha seems to pick up on it, shoving the handle of my suitcase into my hands and pushing me toward the door.

Yoongi beats me to it, swinging it open and clenching his jaw as a blast of cold air hits us. Without a word he takes my suitcase and heads out, leaving me with nothing to do but follow him and hope I have everything.

“Bong-cha?” I turn around to see my friend wrapping her arms around her middle.

“Yeah?”

“Keep me updated. Jimin...he really likes you.”

My friend doesn’t have it in her to roll her eyes, instead just nodding before waving me off. She’s never been one for goodbyes.

Yoongi is already at the car, handing my suitcase off to Ren who hoists it into the car. He looks like he’s freezing, but as he turns to wave me over I decide that freezing looks good on him.  

“Be careful, call me, text me, have a safe flight-”

“You’ve got to stop worrying so much, Yoongs.”

Smiling down at me even as he shivers, Yoongi pulls me in for another embrace. There are so many words hanging between us, but I choose to sweep past them and opt to nuzzle my face deeper into Yoongi’s neck.

“See you soon.”

I sigh, hoping that I will. “Yeah, soon.”

🌙

The airport, flight, and car ride to the hotel pass in a blur of shapes and colors. I vaguely remember there being a mob at both the Seoul and Berlin airports, but I was stuffed so tightly between security that I could hardly see anything.

Now, sitting on the edge of my bed, I hold onto the little package from Yoongi. Holding my breath, I untie the ribbon and tear open the paper, chewing on my lip.

An audible gasp leaves my lips as I hold up Yoongi’s black t-shirt. As it unfolds, a small slip of paper flutters to the ground. Holding the shirt to my nose I grin as I realize Yoongi must have sprayed it with his cologne. I wonder who’s idea that was; my bet is on Jimin.

Grabbing the paper, I flip it over to see Yoongi’s handwriting.

It looks better on you.

Chuckling softly to myself, I hurry and slip the shirt over my head. It’s quiet in here, but soon the sound of my video call fills the room as I anxiously wait for Yoongi to pick up.

Request a holiday BTS imagine!

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taglist: @eusticenatalie @agustneeds @prdshobi @oceandeep @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah​

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 4 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: 

Warnings: cursing, discussion of sexual activities

Word Count: 3,911

~~~~

You’d tossed and turned for almost an hour before you had eventually drifted off to sleep, only to be awoken by the Denver sunrise spilling through the window. Groaning softly you made a mental note for the shopping trip...curtains...Cale definitely needed curtains. Laying on the couch, you played on your phone for a few minutes before the need to use the bathroom finally took over. 

After knocking quietly on Cale’s door with no response, you cracked it open hoping to sneak through to the bathroom without disturbing him. As you tiptoed across his bedroom floor, you couldn’t help but let your eyes fall on him. As expected, he was shirtless, blankets falling only midway up his exposed chest. His hair was a mess, and a relaxed expression covered his face. Quietly closing the bathroom door behind you, you chastised yourself for the heat that flooded through you. You were just friends and despite his now single status, that was all this was ever going to be. 

Relieving yourself, you then quickly brushed your teeth before quietly moving back to the living room, easing his door shut behind you. His parents were going to be here in about an hour and after starting a pot of coffee you examined the contents of Cale’s fridge and cabinets. Finding bacon, eggs, and pancake mix you decided to make everyone breakfast. It was as you were moving around the kitchen that Cale finally appeared, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“You’re making breakfast?” He murmured, leaning in to kiss the top of your head. 

“I am…” You smiled, checking on the bacon in the oven as you scrambled eggs in a pan on the stove. Cale poured himself a cup of coffee and you felt his eyes on you once more. 

“Anything I can do?” He questioned after a moment. 

“Get some plates?” You requested. “How do you want your eggs?” The clatter of plates filled your ears for a moment as Cale set plates beside you. 

“However you’re making them is perfect.” He insisted, sharing a warm grin now that he was a little bit more awake. Nodding you took one of the plates and scooped a hefty portion of eggs onto it before pulling the bacon from the oven and the pancakes from where they were keeping warm in the microwave and piling those onto the plate as well. 

“Eat up.” You grinned, turning to place the plate in front of one of the bar stools at the island. Doing another batch of eggs quickly you set everything aside to keep warm before serving yourself a much smaller portion. Taking a seat beside him, you shook your head as you watched Cale continue to dig into his breakfast. The moment felt a little too domestic and natural so you were thankful when there was a knock at the door that signaled that Laura and Gary had arrived. 

It wasn’t long after that before you were quickly getting ready and heading out with Laura to go shopping for things for Cale’s apartment. The first place you stopped was Starbucks and then you were off to a local shopping center to do some damage. 

“You seem more relaxed…” Laura mentioned as she sat waiting for the light to turn green. 

“Yeah uh...we talked after dinner last night. We’re good.” You shrugged. Yes you were close with Laura, but you really didn’t want to tell her the details of your friendship with her son. She seemed to accept that because she nodded and smiled. 

“Good. I’m glad.” Her response ended the subject and instead she focused on the task ahead. “So you’ve spent a decent amount of time in Cale’s apartment...what does he still need other than what he mentioned to me?” 

“Well curtains would be good. Waking up to the sun isn’t always ideal.” You said, a yawn slipping from your throat. “He could also use a throw blanket for the couch.” You added, pondering over what comforts Cale’s apartment seemed to be missing that would make it feel more like a home. 

Wandering through aisles, Laura did most of the shopping, occasionally asking for your thoughts on something before either tossing it into the cart or putting it back on the shelf. As you walked through the aisle containing photo frames you paused. 

“What do you think about surprising him with some pictures?” You suggested. He had a couple pieces of ‘artwork’ but there really weren’t any family photos to be found as far as you could see. 

“Why don’t you take the reins on that?” Laura replied, a soft look you couldn’t place filling her eyes as she handed you her phone. “Text yourself anything from my camera roll.” As she looked through possible throw pillows, you quickly scanned through the pictures, texting yourself a half dozen that would be perfect. Agreeing to meet up in about fifteen minutes, you headed back to the instant photo machine, plugging your phone in to print the pictures from Laura’s gallery as well as a couple from your own. Satisfied with what you had, you moved back to the frames, picking out one for each photo before moving to find some command strips to hang them with. 

On the car ride back to Cale’s place, you worked to get each photo into a frame. By the time Laura pulled back into the garage you were finished and you helped her carry all of the shopping bags inside. Cale had given his mom the spare key in case the two of you were done before he got back and after letting yourselves inside, you went to work on making Cale’s apartment feel just a little cozier. Together you hung curtains up in his living room, tossing pillows and the sherpa throw onto the couch. Then Laura helped you with hanging photos on his bedroom wall while a few of them were placed stationary on a side table in his living room. Laura unpacked the rest of the things Cale had asked her to buy and then the two of you settled onto the couch to watch tv until the guys arrived. 

Gary and Cale had picked up lunch on the way home, so the four of you sat down to eat. When you finished, Cale handed you a gift bag and though you had a feeling you knew what it was, you were still anxious to open it. Navy fabric accented with maroon and white spilled around your fingers and you gently ran your fingers over the number 8 and lettering of the nameplate. 

“Can’t have you come to the game tonight without proper apparel.” Cale murmured and you jumped up quickly, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. 

“It’s perfect.” You agreed. You’d packed the Makar home jersey that you’d bought yourself at the beginning of the season, but you had to admit the thirds were your favorite jersey and getting the jersey from Cale meant just a little bit more than buying one for yourself. 

As you cleaned up lunch, Cale started to settle in, getting ready to take his pregame nap. He had acknowledged the curtains, blanket, pillows and other things his mom had gotten him but it wasn’t until he disappeared into his bedroom for a moment that his eyes must have caught the photos. He’d only been gone maybe 30 seconds when he returned, pulling his mom into a huge hug, his eyes soft. 

“You framed pictures for me?” He muttered softly. 

“That idea was all Y/N.” Laura quickly clarified and immediately Cale turned to you, his arms wrapping around you just as tightly. 

“That’s incredible. Thank you.” He whispered into your ear, and when he pulled back his hands lingered on your hips for a moment more. 

Soon you were grabbing everything you’d need for the game because you were headed with Laura and Gary to play tourist while Cale napped and then headed to the rink. Laura and Gary had already headed downstairs while you debated on a shirt to wear and you didn’t even notice Cale come up beside you as you dug through your bag. 

“Wear that one.” He instructed, pointing to a wine red long-sleeved off-the-shoulder blouse. “We’re going out after the game if we win.” He clarified, rubbing the back of his neck. You were already wearing your favorite pair of jeans and had thrown on a cute pair of tennis shoes for running around. You weren’t exactly a club type of person but going out with Cale and his teammates did seem fun. 

“Okay.” You agreed, disappearing into his bathroom to change tops before returning. “Have a good nap. And kick some ass tonight.” You teased, grabbing your makeup bag because you’d barely put any on to go shopping and if you were going out tonight you were going to need to rethink your current makeup. With everything you needed, you snuck a kiss to Cale’s cheek before disappearing out the door to meet Gary and Laura down at the car. 

____

The last time you saw Cale play live was versus Calgary during the playoffs. So sitting in the stands of the Pepsi Center watching him warm up was an entirely different experience. You’d watched him on tv many times but in person it was clear to see just how much his game was growing every day. He was almost mesmerizing to watch and tucked in next to Laura, wrapped in his jersey, you felt at peace. Well, at least until the puck dropped for real. 

During a commercial break in the first period, the Avs announced a promo game. After the participant was introduced and the game was explained, a baby picture popped up on the screen. In it, a little boy, no more than 9 or 10 months old, sat between the legs of a little girl around the age of five who had a book in her hands. Immediately your own cheeks flushed as you recognized the picture, it was one of your favorites from when you and Cale were super little. The fan playing got one guess of who it was with no options to win an autographed jersey, but they were way off and guessed Nate for some reason. Then multiple choice popped up with Cale’s name, JT’s, and Gabe for a chance at an autographed puck. You didn’t even pay attention to the guess beyond hearing the boos signaling they got it wrong, but instead your gaze landed on Cale who was looking up at the screen, hiding a smile as he took some ribbing by his teammates. Eventually his eyes drifted up to where you were seated and he sent a little wink that you would have missed if you weren’t looking at him. From beside you Laura just smiled and bumped your shoulder, signaling without words just how strong your friendship with Cale really was. 

The Avs played a solid all around game and you cheered with each goal scored. Cale had two assists on the night and with the team coming out with the win you knew he was going to be in a good mood. Heading down to the locker room, you listened as Gary rambled on about the game as hockey dads do while sharing looks with Laura that made you burst into laughter. 

When Cale finally stepped out of the locker room he hugged his parents before lifting you up and spinning you around. 

“You ready to go have some fun?” He inquired, boyish smile on his face. 

“Don’t get into too much trouble.” Laura warned, though her expression wasn’t all that serious. 

“As if I’d let him.” You joked. For years Cale’s family had the running joke of you being the more responsible one keeping Cale in line. It wasn’t always true obviously, but for the most part the point stood. Still after the past few weeks Cale had had, you were willing to let him go just a little bit crazy tonight, knowing that you would be there as his safety net. 

“We’ll see you both tomorrow.” Gary grinned. “Go relax and have a good time.” Cale’s arm drifted around your waist as he tugged you to his car. Once there, you stripped off the jersey leaving you in just the blouse and as he pulled out of the garage you mussed up your hair just a little bit. Using the mirror, you carefully added a little more eyeliner before throwing on a dark lipstick, tossing both cylinders into the cupholder beside you. 

By the time you stepped out of the car at the club you felt ready for a night out and as you watched Cale shed his jacket, you felt his eyes on you once more. 

Waiting for him to be ready to head inside, you watched as a tall redhead approached, beautiful woman tucked into his side. 

“Y/N...this is JT and his girlfriend Lauren.” Cale introduced and you reached a hand out to shake theirs before tucking your hand back into your pocket. 

“So this is the best friend.” JT said, smirking. “Bout time Cale finally brought you around, he’s been talking about you for forever.” 

“Really?” You teased, ready to throw out a semi-embarrassing tidbit until Cale grabbed you by the waist, his finger falling to your lips to shush you as he guided you inside. 

“Can you at least let me get a drink or two in me before you start spilling the embarrassing stories?” He pleaded jokingly. 

“I suppose.” You conceded, smiling as he guided you up to the VIP lounge and over to the bar. Settling for a glass of wine, you watched him order a beer for himself before leading you over to one of the many couches. It wasn’t long before you were being introduced to all of Cale’s teammates.  

Gabe was boisterous and funny and the way that he looked at his wife Mel made you smile brightly. Josty was a character, he had you laughing almost immediately as he told stories about all of the media events he’d done with Cale and what he’d learned from residing in the same building. He was definitely giving you ammo to use later. Then again they all were, chirps had been flying left and right all night. 

You’d been nursing the same glass of wine for about an hour, watching as Cale downed another 2-3 beers as well as a shot that Burky handed him. It was nice to see Cale out with people that clearly cared about him and you knew this was probably the first time he had really been able to let go of all of the stress since the pregnancy scare. 

Eventually Mel and Lauren dragged you out onto the dance floor with the other better halves and even though you’d barely had anything to drink, the beat of the music had you relaxing, enjoying the time you had getting to know the people who were part of Cale’s other family. 

“You know his eyes haven’t left you all night.” Mel eventually declared, her voice barely audible over the loud music. 

“He’s always been a little protective…” You simply shrugged. The look Mel and Lauren shared suggested that they weren’t buying that logic but they didn’t push things. After a few more songs, you left the dance floor to head to the bar for a bottle of water. While there a tall….like really tall, dark haired man who looked like he should star in the next hollywood vampire blockbuster, slipped up beside you, his arm brushing against yours lightly. As you placed him as Cale’s d-partner you smiled up at him before looking back at where the bartender was rushing back and forth. 

“You know none of us have ever seen him like this before…” Ryan murmured. “He comes out but he never really lets loose. Now I don’t know whether that’s because it’s the first time we’ve been out since everything happened or if it’s because you’re here but I suspect it’s more to do with the latter.” You didn’t really know what to say to that so you shrugged. “And I’m not saying that in the manner of he feels like you’re the babysitter who will take care of him, I’m saying that he feels comfortable because you’re here in a way he was never comfortable either by himself or with Sara.” Ryan finally managed to get the bartender’s attention and he ordered your water along with whatever he was drinking before continuing. “And I’m sure Cale never said anything and neither did anyone else but...you should know everyone really likes you. And I can’t say the same for Sara.” Just as quickly as he’d appeared, Ryan had walked off and you glanced over at Cale to see his eyes planted firmly on you, his cheeks rosy from the alcohol. 

Water in hand, you moved to Cale’s side, his arm wrapping around you immediately. The redness in his eyes told you he’d had a little bit more to drink than he probably should have and you pushed your water his way, not wanting him to be completely impossible to drag home. The grin on his face was lazy as he took the bottle, showing how completely relaxed and at ease he was. 

His Adam's apple bobbed as he took a long sip of the water and you tilted your head to observe him, tie gone and the top few buttons of his shirt undone. His fingers slipped just under the edge of your shirt along your hip and you took your own sip from the bottle of water trying to hide the flush that filled your body at the feeling of his fingertips on your bare skin. Passing the water back to him, it was soon gone and once the bottle was empty you stood, looking over your shoulder. 

“Are you going to sit there all night or are you going to come dance with me?” You inquired, your tongue running against your bottom lip. Stumbling just slightly, Cale slipped out of the booth and his hand fell to the curve of your back as he guided you over to where his teammates and their significant others were dancing. 

With Cale’s chest pressed against your back, his hands fell to your hips once more and the pads of his fingers wandered over every inch of skin they could reach. His touch had never affected you like this before, he’d never been this brazen before, but you chalked both of those factors up to the alcohol. Though you’d only had two glasses of wine since you arrived, wine had always made you far warmer than any other form of alcohol so the heat in your skin was definitely just from that. 

“So I have a question…” Cale’s breath fanned over your ear as he leaned down to whisper yell at you, allowing you to hear him over the rap song that was playing. 

“Yes Cale?” You replied, tilting your body back against his so that you could see his face. It was even rosier than before and his soft smile was replaced by a serious and focused look causing your eyebrow to quirk at the sight. 

“Women like having oral sex performed on them right?” For a split second you were certain that it was only Cale’s hold on you that kept you from falling right over. Choking on your own saliva as you tried to swallow you quickly coughed, your cheeks even more flushed than you could attribute to the wine. 

“I...I mean from what I’ve heard yeah…” You finally stumbled out an answer. “Why?” Your question was ignored as Cale’s hands tightened around your hips. 

“You’ve heard?” Cale prodded. “You don’t know?” Cursing under your breath you shivered as Cale’s thumb stroked a sensitive spot along your side. 

“Cale…” You mumbled, not drunk enough for this conversation. He poked you in the side though signaling you to continue and you groaned. “I mean...I had sex for the first time freshman year of college and we didn’t exactly know what we were doing…” You explained, softly enough that only Cale would hear you. “And I mean I’ve only had sex one other time...it was a one night stand and we were both way too drunk to do anything but fuck. So yeah...I’m just taking other people’s word on it...why are you asking Cale?” You finished, twisting in his arms so that you could look at him properly. His head ducked to press against the crook of your neck and he hissed quietly as you drug your nails along his lower back. 

“Just curious…” Cale breathed. “Sara never let me...I mean I wanted to but...she told me she wasn’t interested.” For a moment you didn’t know what to say as that little piece of you celebrated the fact that it seemed there were a lot of things he didn’t do with his ex girlfriend. 

“Oh...I mean everyone has their own likes and dislikes…” You reminded him. “But generally equal reciprocation is definitely appreciated.” 

As the song ended, Gabe called Cale’s name to go take another shot and you pushed him to go murmuring that you were going to run to the bathroom. By the time you returned, you suspected it was definitely time to get Cale home, so you sidled up to his side, slipping your hand in his front pocket for his car keys. 

“I think it’s time we get you home and to bed rockstar.” You declared. Thankfully Cale didn’t put up much of a fight, closing his tab before letting you lead him out of the club. By the time you had parked in his garage, you could see how sleepy the alcohol was making him and you moved around to help him out of the car, his body nearly dragging yours down with its weight. 

Stumbling through the door, you urged him to start to bed while you got him more water and some pain killers. Gathering both, you moved to his room after checking to ensure the front door was locked. You found him sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in only boxer briefs and though you tried not to stare, your body couldn’t help but notice that gone was the teenage boy you once knew and in his place was a man plain and simple. Setting the water and pills on his bedside table, you urged him to take his contacts out. 

Once you were certain he was fairly settled, you turned to make your way to the couch. Instead, Cale’s hands reached out to pull you back to him and as he scooted to the far side of the bed, he drug you down with him. 

“Cale…” You mumbled in complaint but his eyes were already closed and his breathing was starting to steady out, his hands keeping your body pressed tightly against his. Sighing, you managed to work yourself out of your jeans before giving in and settling in his arms. 

Between your conversation with Gravy, the looks Mel and Lauren were giving you, Cale’s inquiry, wandering hands, and this, so many lines had been blurred tonight that it was making you dizzy. 

For the second night in a row...your mind reeled as you fell into a fitful sleep. 

Blouse:

[botanicials]

backpedal

... in which harry accidentally moans the wrong name

... word count: 4.4k

... theme: angst

Being memorable was one of Harry’s most redeeming qualities, you had figured that out early on in your relationship.

Not only would he remind you about plans you’d made with friends or meetings you were scheduled in at work; he’d remember the small things, like when once whilst telling a story from years ago, you’d mentioned that you could only tolerate cherry-flavored cough drops. Two months after the small comment, you’d caught a cold and amongst the care “basket” (large reusable grocery bag) he packed up was a heavy bag of cherry Ricola.

He knew that when your nose scrunched up, you were having a hard time keeping your thoughts at bay, which perfume you wore according to the season, which sweaters you preferred whenever you were over at his because “Harry it’s cold out why would you possibly need the A/C on at night?”.

One thing he happened to not remember however, at such an unfortunate time, was your name.

It wasn’t like he’d just gotten back from promos, recording, writing even, or that the two of you having sex was anything new for fuck’s sake. He was back from the states, the album has been done for months, and it wasn’t even fifteen hours ago that you two were in this very position.

There was no other reason for his mind to be elsewhere. No other reason for him to focus on anything other than you.

It happens when he dips his hips at a certain angle, the back of your head digs further into the pillow and he buries his face into the exposed side of your neck, warm breath sweeping over your skin as a groan escapes his lips.

You could feel nothing but him: the weight of his body, the thin layer of sweat on his back under your fingertips. His movements seemed so impulsive, habitual and that made the entire situation so much worse.

He brought his hand down to grip your waist, lips parting open. “Fuck, Cami-…” His throat closed up, body seeming to instinctively stop himself from saying her name as his eyes flew open in a panic.

Your hands immediately fly to his shoulders as you push and turn your head to the right, eyes unable to reach his. “Off. Get off, get off–”

“I didn’t..” His words die out and he removes himself from you and rests on his side, arm now supporting most of his weight. “Baby-” he whispers, reaching to try and grab at your wrist but you’re too fast.

One second you were under him, holding, pulling on his forearm to have him closer; and the next, you were pushing him as far from you as possible, grabbing the throw blanket sat at the end of his bed and wrapping it around your body before practically sprinting to the ensuite bathroom.

“Love, love, love, love, love…” his words are rushed as he quickly follows after you, not bothering to cover his lower half. The haziness in the room had dissipated, and he now found himself in panic mode trying his best to get to you as soon as possible.

Yet again, he isn’t fast enough, because the door slams right in his face and he has to snap his fingers from the frame so they aren’t caught. “Baby, I… shit.” He whispers to himself, grabbing at his sweatpants that were left tossed over the armchair.

None of this feels real to him. It can’t be because he couldn’t have possibly just done that. There’s no fucking way.

It’s as if he’s watching all of this unfold from someone else’s point of view. It’s as if he’s dreaming; his head is spinning and nothing makes sense- this can’t be real.

His fingers tremble as he ties the drawstring taut around his hips, shaking his head to himself as he moves over to the door.

“I don’t…” Fuck. Fuck. “Wasn’t thinkin’ about ‘er. I wasn’t. And I… I know that sounds like absolute shit, but I swear it. Baby, I… I wasn’t thinkin’.”

His heart is beating out of his chest as he explains because he loves you. He does. Told you that for the first time just four days ago. You’re easily one of the best things that have ever happened to him in such a long time and this wasn’t anything but an accident. There was no deeper meaning.

“Don’t know what else t’say, darling… I’m sorry. I am- and I know that might not mean much right now but I.. I’ve never been more sorry.”

It’s when he hears you sniffle from behind the door that his heart drops even further and tears sting his eyes. His hands rest on his hips and he tilts his neck back to blink up at the ceiling.

Things were just starting to become real with you-- not that they never were, but the two of you weren’t just dating anymore. He was getting ready to introduce you to his family, he had just started thinking about the thought of you two being together. The house and the kids and a ring and it’s fucking ridiculous, he knows that, but now it isn’t. Now, it’s borderline impossible. All because of tonight.

A slip-up.

He’s aware of how selfish he’s planning on being; preparing on asking you to look past his mistake, to forget that this had ever happened, but at this point he needs you. It’s desperate and pathetic but it’s all he could bring himself to be at this moment.

A handful of minutes pass of a teary-eyed Harry pacing back and forth in front of his bathroom door and you sniffling from behind it before he decides to finally sit on the wooden floor beside it.

You both stay like that for a while, quiet sitting nearly back to back on opposite sides of drywall and it’s not like you two, not knowing what to say, what to do, or how to act around one another. Not in so long, so the feeling is too foreign. Unwelcome.

Harry clears his throat. “Just… take as long as yeh need, love. M’right here.” He finally says and the thought of you wanting him anywhere but there makes him rest his head in his hands. A part of him knows he should leave to another room, give you some space. Yet that same selfish part of him wants to do nothing but hold you as close as possible and explain himself. Explain what happened those moments ago, even if he didn’t know how. He just wanted a chance. 

About fifteen minutes go by before he speaks again. It’s nearing two in the morning and you’ve been quiet for a while so there’s a possibility you’re asleep, but he decides to gamble.

“I love you.” He starts. “I meant it when I said it the first time and I mean it now. So.. so much, angel. Yeh have no idea like… really s’just– this whole thing is..” He runs a hand over his face before resting his elbows on his bent knees. There’s no way this was good for his back. 

He’s frowning to himself as he prepares. “When I said- When I almost said Camile’s name I–”

His apology is cut short when the ensuite door practically slams open and his head snaps over to catch a blur of navy blue fly past. You’re still wrapped in the velvet soft blanket, nothing too out of the ordinary, only you’re not half asleep asking him to “Please stay a little longer?” with a soft pout at your lips.

No. Right now you’re fast and focused, throwing his white comforter around in search of your clothes. You aren’t begging him to get back in bed until the sun comes up, you’re trying to remove yourself from the room as quickly as possible.

Harry’s standing now, lingering as he rubs at the knot growing in his neck, eyes on you.

“Baby-”

“Please.” You breathe out, hand spread out in front of you. “I can’t right now, Harry.”

The sound of your voice makes him freeze, arms falling to his sides as you resume searching for your bralette, he’s assuming, considering you’ve already snatched up everything else.

In these last twenty to twenty-five minutes, you’re clearly exhausted; and if his mind is running miles a minute he can only imagine what scenarios you’re thinking up. He understands, really he does because if he was on the other end of things he’s not sure what he’d be presuming right now.

It’s just that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sit back and watch someone that’s made him look forward each day leave without putting in any effort. He’d beat himself up over this entire situation even more if he didn’t at least try.

“I wasn’t thinkin’ straight–“, he decides to repeat. Everything he rehearsed in his head is long gone and he finds himself unable to elicit what he’d already said from the other side of the door. “Wasn’t thinkin’ at all because it’s just you. S’all you. Just sit and-” He panics when you finally grab the white lace that was twisted in his comforter and make a beeline back to the bathroom. “Woah, woah, woah.”

He’s able to catch you before you can make it this time, his hand wrapped loosely around your arm, eyes trying to find yours. “Love…”

“Let go.”

He murmurs your name and his shoulders sag. “Look a’ me. C’mon-”

“I said let go.”

The room goes quiet as he stares at the side of your face and you realize how heavily your actions affect your future; what effects these next few moments would have on what could be the remaining of your relationship. Every decision you make right now is going to alter whether you and Harry will end up together or not. And that’s all too much right now.

You reluctantly turn your head to look over at him; with your red-rimmed eyes and in a raw voice you whisper, “.. I really can’t right now.”

Harry’s lips are rolled into his mouth when he nods his head, eyes falling to the ground before removing his hand from your skin.

He has to take in a shaky breath when you close the door behind you, sniffling as he wipes at the wet under his eyes. He’s realized that you leaving tonight was the only option for right now, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t.

Harry Sunday 4:36 AM I love you so much, darling. I wish I could apologize a million times over. I understand if you need time but whenever you’re ready to talk to me, I’m here. I’ll wait for you.

Harry Monday 11:12 AM Just woke up. I’ve got a meeting at 1 until 3 or so, but if you need me please don’t hesitate to call. I love you.

Harry Yesterday 9:02 PM Know it’s late, didn’t forget about you. I was at another meeting. Still here, love you so much.

It’s past-noon now, however many days later, and Harry is sat on the lounge he had on his backyard patio, a thick blanket heavy on his shoulders. The outdoor fireplace was lit in front of him, warming mostly his legs and the mug of hot chocolate he sat on the small table beside it. Flurries in the air confirm the fact that he should not be outside, but he’s always found the sounds of the river a few meters down to be therapeutic, icy ripples that weren’t yet frozen over resonating as the sky turns into a hazy purple.

He’s able to think back on how much you enjoyed laying up with him out here. There was usually a book in both your and Harry’s hands, maybe a homemade drink if Harry was feeling particularly generous.

He brought you out here the first time you visited his house, it was around the same hour it is now; the sunset, the snow wind, the ripples. You’d both gotten into such a spellbound conversation that he’d forgotten to give you a full tour; the two of you stayed out there all night just… talking and Harry doesn’t think he’d ever appreciate such a simple moment more.

Speaking with you was always effortless up until now, where he’s only been in contact with you once a day for the last few. Through text.

He didn’t want to overwhelm you, he knew you wanted-- needed space, so he succumbed to daily texts, so you knew that he was still fighting. The last thing he needed was for you to think that he gave up. 

Flowers or edible arrangements… they crossed his mind, but this wasn’t something that could be fixed with something materialistic; you deserved so much more than that.

Harry Today 6:58 PM Hey.. I hope you’re doing well. Our coffee place has a special on the cinnamon bagels you like. x

“That was cordial,” he says to himself, reading it over a couple of times before tossing his phone on the cushion beside his leg.

You hadn’t answered the last three messages, he doesn’t even know if you’ve read them-- and a part of him wonders if he isn’t trying hard enough. Are you expecting the flowers and chocolate covered fruits? Him on his knees begging at your front door?

Deep down he knows he knows you, and any other day he wouldn’t second guess you needing your space, but you seem much too far away than he’s used to and his confidence in his knowledge of you is beginning to slip away. 

His phone dings and he jumps, heart buzzing as he looks at the notification.

Mitch Today 7:06 PM You still going to Los Angeles next Thursday?

“For fuck’s sake…”

Harry Today 7:06 PM Don’t know yet, I will by Wednesday. x

It’s a second after sending that he receives another message.

Today 7:07 PM I’m doing okay, thank you for the exposé.

Harry’s heart stutters as he rereads your name at the top of the notification. Shit. Shit shit shit shit. 

Okay? Much better than bad, so he takes that as a positive, just like how he took the fact that you’d left your toothbrush at his as a good sign as well.

Harry Today 7:09 PM Course. x

Harry Today 7:10 PM I could grab you some? I’m on the way out to the store.

Lie.

Today 7:12 PM it’s okay, don’t want you to go out of your way.

Harry Today 7:13 PM It isn’t, really. I don’t mind.

Harry Today 7:13 PM And I’d really like to see you.

It’s the longest you two have gone without seeing each other whilst being remotely in the same area. He’s convinced himself that the sniffles he’s had for the last few days are allergies and not from him being a bit lovesick.

He stares once a grey text bubble pops up on his screen, taunting him almost as he tries to anticipate your response.

No.

Too bad.

Fuck off.

Fuck you.

Those replies all seemed pretty rational to him, it’s what he expected; so when the text bubble disappears, his eyebrows pull together in a nervous furrow. His thumb reaches up to pull the screen up as if the messages would refresh, and flinches when you resume typing again.

He figures that a short message would be better than a long one, but a long one would be better than nothing; so he settles.

Today 7:16 PM is that a good idea??

Harry Today 7:16 PM It’s all up to you, love. I didn’t mean to force anything,

Today 7:17 PM you aren’t, I appreciate you giving me the space you did.

Today 7:17 PM if there’s a sale, do you think there will be any bagels left at this hour? haha

At that, Harry finds himself smiling.

Harry Today 7:18 PM Welllllll, for your sake I would hope so.

Today 7:19 PM if they don't, I'll take a cinnamon roll then.

Harry Today 7:19 PM Cinnamon roll or cinnamon bagel. Noted. See you in 15?

Today 7:19 PM yeah, the complex gates should be open

Harry Today 7:19 PM :)

“Don’t stress about it, you’re just gonna make yourself cry again.”

“Shut up, Anais..” you mumble, frowning at your laptop screen. Your friend only smiles, applying more of the mellow green face mask to her cheeks. “It’s just… not gonna be the same, I could feel it through the fucking screen, it’s weird now. And I know I’m being dramatic--”

“No, no, and no, I’m joking. You can’t be sorry for feeling hurt. He’s thinking about an ex, of course that hurts, it’s a problem.” Anais was the only person you could bring yourself to tell about the entire situation, far too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone else. That, and the two of you are the polar extremes of the same personality so you balanced one another out. “Whether it was an innocent mistake- which is what I’m leaning towards the most -or if there’s even the slightest possibility that he’s still got more feelings for the girl than he should.. babe, you have every right to feel upset either way.”

“See, and what’s fucked is that I figured as much in the beginning. They’ve only been broken up for like a year, but he went and wrote like.. almost an entire album? There’s got to be some kind of-” You circle your hands in front of you. “- deeper connection there. You know?”

Anais twists her lips. “Yeah, I know.”

“I can’t be upset with him for feeling how he feels, but I can be upset about him stringing me along.”

“Mm! That’s good, write that down.” She points at your phone through the screen. “Just not the stringing along part. Too harsh. Say… upset about him being with you when he doesn’t know what he wants.”

You get as far as typing doesn’t before you sigh, setting your phone down on the couch beside you. “This isn’t gonna work, I feel like I’m prepping for a presentation.”

The two of you conjured up a bullet list of highlights to mention ever since Harry said he was on his way, as of now, all you had was:

don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

“I’ve decided that I deserve more because I do”

try to bring up feelings?? somehow?

talk about how you’re feeling and then how it affects the relationship?

“You don’t have to read it right in front of him, just reference it before you open the door so you have like, some idea of what to say. Do you know what you want to say?”

“No, and he could get here literally at any minute now, fuck.”

“Okay, okay. New plan.” Anais starts, and your face is buried in your hands. “Ditch the phone. Just.. when he’s in front of you, you’ll think more clearly. You said that once, right?”

“It’s different now.” Your words are muffled.

“You’ll figure it out. You figure everything out.”

With another sigh you drag your hands down your face and leave them covering your mouth and chin, Anais sees easily through the screen that your eyes are watered over. “I’m so fucking scared, Ana.”

And it’s true. Clearly.

In the small number of months you’ve been together, Harry had become someone you couldn’t quite imagine life without. He was so warm and inviting, homey. Once one of the easiest people to talk to and now somehow you couldn’t fathom him sitting on your couch in a few minutes, a place he’s been more times than you could count.

You didn’t want to lose him and right now that seems like the only resolution.

Your best friend watches you from her own apartment, her face turned down into a frown. You’re cuddled up with your biggest throw at the very left side of your couch, laptop sat on the console you situated in front of you. The lights were dim, curtains and blinds wide open displaying the snowfall. You should be sipping on Stella Rosa from the bottle with that cliche ABC movie Snowglobe playing, but here you are on the verge of tears over something so minuscule yet complicated.

“I don’t know.. it all just seems so inevitable-” You pause when three solid knocks sound at your front door. “He’s here.”

“Oh, shit.”

“I’ll…” You take in a deep breath and move the blanket from your lap. “I’ll call you back?”

Anais nods, a small frown on her features. “Text me if I’m not awake. Love you.”

You try to smile. “Love you.”

You didn’t realize how much the white noise of Anais’ call filled the room. Everything went quiet, and Harry’s presence from behind the door is evermore distinct.

Your sock-clad feet pad lightly upon the wood floor, your nerves seemingly pulling you in the opposite direction. Thoughts of you sat on his bathroom floor reappear in your memory; the embarrassment of not feeling like enough, the regret of deciding to go over to his in the first place.

If he never invited you over for homemade soup none of this would’ve happened, you’d be tucked under his arm trying not to fall asleep-- but it then makes you wonder if this was something that needed to happen. That you were only a temporary fix before he could go back to the one that still held onto his love strung heart.

With your fingers on the deadbolt lock, you twist and push down on the nickel door handle. A rush of frosty air slips from outside and into your foyer, the wind shifting the baby hairs off of your face.

Once the door is fully open, you find Harry’s stood in a thick white sweater and navy coat, a soft blush has grown upon his nose and cheeks. His hair is much curlier than usual, toppled over to one side thanks to the unpredictable weather. He’s holding a bag from Coldwell’s in his right hand and under his scent of vanilla and pine, was the sugary smell of cinnamon bagels. He’s squinting ever so slightly and his lips are a deep shade of pink.  Despite it all, you find yourself admiring your boyfriend and for that small moment, everything that happened that night is forgotten.

“Was gonna knock again, wasn’t sure if you’d heard.”

“No, yeah, I did. Sorry, I was-” You clear your throat. “Sorry.”

Harry frowns and you realize then that he’s been outside for a bit too long now. “S’fine, no need ‘t apologize.”

“Um, come in.” You say, stepping behind the door and Harry moves to shuffle through. You shut and lock the door as he toes of his boots. 

There are a few tiny snowflakes still sat in his hair and any other time you’d brush them away and bring him in for a kiss.

Now, you only glance up at them and quickly advert your eyes before finding your way down the hall.

The two of you end up on your couch, you on one end (where you’d been bundled up majority of the week) and Harry in the middle. There was an incredibly odd amount of space between the two, but him being here isn’t as incredibly off-putting as you imagined it would be beforehand.

His coat is hung up in your front closet, and the bag of bagels he’d promised you sit on your coffee table, the heat of them creating moisture on the wooden surface.

You shift to tuck your foot under you, moving a stray hair from your cheek. “I’m not really sure where to start,” you admit, focused on the fluff of your blanket.

Harry sniffs and clears his throat, gaining your attention. “I love you. And I know I’ve said it countless times now I just.. Me saying her name that night was.. nothing but an honest mistake-- wasn’t actively thinking about her I-I know that Mark asked me a question about her maybe the other day? Like, beforehand and.. tha’s the only like, reason I could think up of why I said it.”

You’re silent, allowing him to explain himself the best he could, so he continues.

“Know s’not something you could just.. forget about and move on from-- I’ve hurt you in one of the worst ways possible. Know that completely and I.. I can’t apologize enough, love.. I just want you to that I’m recognizing that I was in the wrong, you know? Not that you.. are putting any blame on yourself-- fuckin’...” He sighs, running a quick hand over his face and it’s clear that there are tears gathering in his eyes. “I dunno, I’m like, ramblin’ now-”

“No, I um.. I think it’s more humiliation than anything. Not that I shouldn’t feel the way I do, it’s just.. fucking embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.”

“I know-”

“No, y’really don’t because I.. really don’t want to lose you over this, you’re.. undoubtedly the best thing that’s happened to me in so long.”

“That doesn’t mean that there might be lingering feelings for her, H.”

“But there aren’t,” he nearly cuts you off. 

“I care about you,” you start. “I do. And this.. entire situation kind of just made me.. think about my worth. Um... I promised myself that I’d never let someone have that much of an effect on how I view myself because I’m always going to be me, you know?”

Harry nods, eyebrows drawn into a frown and you continue. 

“So I.. I thought about it and reevaluated what I deserve and I know that it’s a bit more than that.”

“It is. S’so much more.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about the two of you.” You advert your eyes for a second. “When you love, Harry you give so much and... not that I can tell you how you feel, but I’ve... I don’t know.”

Harry blinks. “I don’t have any other reason as to why I could’ve said it. I don’t but what I do know is that I don’t feel the way I did before about her now,” he pauses. “I know with everything in me that I’m in love with one person, and she’s sat right in front of me.”

It dawns on you then (not that it hasn’t crossed your mind already) that this could indeed be nothing but a mishap with no hidden meaning. You aren’t an expert on how brains work, and this thought doesn’t submerge the ache and betrayal you felt, but ending such a potential relationship over a genuine mistake makes your stomach turn.  

“Camile and I were together, yeah? I wrote some songs, we broke up, I wrote some more and yes, I was in love and then heartbroken but all of those feelings are so minuscule to how you make me feel. To how you’ve made me feel the last few months I’ve known you. You’ve got no idea how much I mean that. Baby, you have me. I don-”

You take his hand that was outstretched towards you- him being ever adamant on speaking with gestures - and rise to your knees, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

He wraps his around your back right away, pulling you closer into his chest.

“I love you,” he mumbles into your skin. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I love you.”

“I love you,” you finally say, eyes burning with tears. “I know I sound stupid; asking you for reassurance I-”

“No, hey, no. You deserve all of the reassurance in the world after that, darling. I can’t apologize enough.”

“It’s just gonna take me a little time, okay?”

“I know, love.. I’m sorry.”

Another one of Harry’s redeemable qualities was his integrity. You were aware of his morals and how authentic he was and despite the hurt and embarrassment you went through, you knew his heart.

There is no doubt that the two of you would be taking baby-steps for a spell; the important thing was that Harry was willing to wait as long you needed. And luckily for him, with the snow still brushing your window, there was an excuse for you to stay cuddled up with him for the remainder of the night.

[wholesomemendes]

I have an idea for a request. I was hoping you're still taking requests. I saw something where I thought you are but i'm not sure. If you ever heard a song called "Take your sweet time" By Jesse McCartney, i was hoping you could write a drabble thing based on that song.

Take Your Sweet Time

Summary: You’ve loved Shawn with all you’ve had for the past 2 years, but now you have to take a step away from him and learn to love yourself too.

Author’s Note: Hi this is my first request so thank you so much! I’m sorry it took so long but I hope you’re as happy with it as I am! This also turned out wayyyyy longer than I expected (over 4.6k words wow) but I’m really proud with how it turned out. As always please tell me what you think and my requests are always open!

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating Shawn. The long periods of time apart, hate messages from fans, and having to accept that millions of girls that you thought were much more beautiful than you were trying to steal him away from you was only the tip of the iceberg. But you loved Shawn through it all. Even the times when he was having a panic attack on the bathroom floor or you were dwindling in self doubt while he was halfway across the world, you loved him and stayed by his side every single day, giving everything you had to him. You were fully committed to your relationship, so much so that you failed to realize just how much of a strain it was putting on yourself. That was the thing about loving Shawn, it consumed every part of your senses until you didn’t know where Shawn ended and you began. It felt like your every movement had to revolve around him and if it didn’t, then you were failing the relationship.

It had been over 2 years since Shawn had made his way into your life, inadvertently flipping it completely upside down. Shawn was currently in LA for some promo work on his newest single, which you had expressed your proud feelings for on multiple occasions, and was set to return this weekend after being away two whole weeks. Although the two of you had gone longer apart, you could never help the feeling of being stabbed in the heart every time he left, no matter how many times you told yourself he was coming back to you soon. It took everything in you to not call him every chance you had, not wanting to annoy him or seem clingy, so you resorted to missing him in silence, your feelings building up inside of you like wires trying to strangle your heart. It hurt. Loving Shawn hurt. But day after day you loved him with all that you could give while those strings slowly pulled on your open heart.

___________________

After dating Shawn for so long, you thought you were prepared for everything his abnormal life could throw at you, but you never thought you would have to be prepared for him ignoring your existence. The night he came home was just like every other time, you had picked him up at the airport where he greeted you with a bone crushing hug and a gentle kiss to your forehead, knowing you didn’t like much PDA, and then he got into the shower, meeting you in bed for an endless night of cuddles. However it was the days that followed that were completely out of the ordinary for the two of you and threw you into a spiral of self doubt. You understood completely when he spent the first couple days meeting with his friends and family, you weren’t the only one missing him while he was gone, but typically the first couple days home were full of clingy Shawn, meaning he would invite you to go with him wherever he went. This time around he didn’t even invite you to dinner with his family, even though you later learned that Karen had specifically told Shawn you were invited, to which he had responded that you were working overtime at your job. You weren’t. You were sitting in your shared condo eating takeout from the Chinese place down the street instead of Karen’s famous lasagna. That definitely hit hard in your heart for Shawn always wanted you to feel comfortable around his family, constantly reminding you that his family was your family, so you couldn’t help but feel that he was trying to push you away. You knew you were probably overreacting, even if Shawn had taken a 180 degree personality change in the past couple days, causing those strings on your heart to tighten to the point of suffocation. It hurt even more when the moments he was home consisted of him locked away in his studio without even a mumbled good morning your way. You brought him coffee, tea, food, anything you could think of that he could possibly need, placing it down in front of him without a single peep so that you wouldn’t distract him, earning either the smallest of thank yous or most commonly, complete and utter silence. He came to bed at ungodly hours, no longer cuddling up to your body in the dark. You knew he always assumed you were asleep, but you physically couldn’t calm your mind without having him next, instead leading your thoughts down a spiral of depressive words. The worst part? You couldn’t remember the last time he had said I love you to you since he came home. Before, Shawn couldn’t go a few hours without reminding you of his love for you, but now you didn’t even know if the man you would die for in a heartbeat felt the same way.

You didn’t know why this was happening, hell you didn’t even know what could have happened in the 8 hour period when the two of you were asleep that first night back that could have caused this changed. But every night as you laid in bed waiting for the man you loved to enter the room, your mind always came to one conclusion on what the issue was at hand. You. You were the issue. You weren’t enough for him, you weren’t doing enough for him, you weren’t loving him enough. And after the 11th night, you realized that you were the issue, but not in the way you previously had thought. You were enough for him, you were doing more than enough for him, and you were loving him far more than you should be. You loved Shawn more than you loved yourself, and on that 11th night, you fell asleep before he came to bed, knowing that when you awoke alone the next day, things were going to change.

___________________

The morning sun woke you up from your slumber and you kept your eyes shut, not wanting to open them and face the reality of what today would bring. Begrudgingly you willed yourself to sit up, taking in the view from the bedroom window one last time and feeling the way the soft silk sheets felt on your body. What you didn’t want to remember was the coldness that could be felt on Shawn’s side of the bed, a telltale sign that he had left it without a second thought hours before. But in a strange way you did want to remember it, wanted it be a reminder as to why the decision you were making was the correct one when you would be inevitably regretting it once you stepped foot out of the condo. You began your morning routine as if it was a normal day, but instead of leaving your toothbrush next to Shawn’s, it was placed inside of your travel bag along with the rest of your toiletries. Clearing the bathroom of your belongings, you moved towards the rest of the bedroom, your heart clenching when you looked at the empty space in the closet. You forced yourself to leave behind all of the pictures and memories of him, knowing it would just cause you more pain in the long run, but your hands moved to grab your favorite shirt of his to wear to bed before your brain could resist it. His scent still lingered on the fabric and even though you knew it was a bad decision, you put it into your suitcase without a second glance.

It was past noon once you were finally satisfied with your packing and even though you had left almost all of your shared belongings to Shawn along with every picture and memory of your relationship, the condo still felt a little bare without your added presence along it walls. After taking all of your boxes and bags down to your car, your stomach rumbled from your lack of food, but you refused to stay in the condo for longer than needed, telling yourself that you would stop by Tim Horton’s on your way to your friend’s house where she was graciously letting you stay until you found somewhere else to live. If someone had told you last year when you sold your apartment in favor of living with Shawn that you would regret it, you would have laughed and called them crazy, but now you wanted nothing more than to have be at a place you could call your own. Though when you thought about it, you didn’t know if you would be able to live in a place that had held so many great memories of the two of you.

You rolled your last suitcase out of your shared bedroom that now only belonged to Shawn and you began the short trip down the hallway that felt like it held a century of memories. You replayed all of the events that happened in the place that used to feel like home, but now only felt like a shell of something that was hurting you from the inside out.

Passing by Shawn’s studio, you could hear the faint strumming of his guitar through the walls and your heart ached more than you ever thought it could. You never imagined you would be leaving the love of your life and knowing that this could possibly be the last time you would ever hear him made a tear slip out of your eye. Leaning against the door, you listened carefully to the unknown melody that was being played only feet away from you, coming to your senses once he stopped to do what you could only assume was writing something down. Knocking quietly on the door, you held your breath, afraid of what his reaction to you “interrupting” his writing process would be. “What!” he barked from the other side and your heart ached a little more, that tiny sliver of hope inside you that wanted him to beg you to stay diminished to nothing. Cautiously you opened the door and peered your head inside, seeing him still crouched over his guitar not even sparing a glance at you, “Um...Shawn?”

“What do you want?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving,” you whispered, suddenly feeling extremely small in his presence.

“Ok, bye,” he told you shortly, still not lifting his gaze from his guitar.

Your breath hitched in your throat and you willed yourself to keep your tears at bay, not wanting him to see the effect he had on you, “I’m going to be gone a while.”

“Ok.”

At this point you were growing more frustrated than sad at how the man that supposedly loved you wasn’t even sparing a second glance at you, “I’m not coming back Shawn. I’m breaking up with you.”

His head snapped up at your words, the guitar suddenly losing his interest as his wide eyes met yours, “What do you mean you’re breaking up with me?”

“I’m leaving and I’m not coming back,” you told him, straightening your back to stand your ground and hide the way your emotions were breaking down on the inside.

“No, you’re not leaving,” he shook his head frantically, standing up from his seat and making his way towards you in frantic strides, “We’re gonna talk about this and fix whatever’s going on inside your head because you’re not leaving me.”

“Yes I am, Shawn, my mind is already made up.”

“No it’s not, you’re gonna talk to me and we’re gonna fix this.”

He was standing in front of you now, but his presence didn’t feel as comforting as it usually did, now a suffocating feeling surrounding you and making you want to back away. You could tell his breathing was becoming heavy and you wanted to sit him down to help calm him down, but you stood your ground. “I’ve given a lot of thought into this and I’m not changing my mind.”

“Baby,” he cooed, taking your face in his large palms and you allowed yourself to bathe in the feeling of him touching your skin one last time as tears prickled from the sides of his eyes, “Don’t do this, I love you, you know that. We said we were going to love each other forever. We promised.”

“I know, Shawn, I know, I love you more than words can explain, but that is why I have to let you go.”

“What? No, we love each other and we’re gonna stay together and...” his voice began to crack and tears began to falling profusely down his face, the hurt behind his eyes becoming too much for you to look into.

“Shawn...”

“No, no, no I’m bubs, or baby or...”

“Shawn, stop.” You grabbed his wrists in your hands, making him pause and focus on your words, “I’m not doing this because I don’t feel like we love each other enough. I mean, god knows I’m loving you with everything that I have. And I’ll be honest, lately I’ve been feeling like you don’t love me anymore. I can’t even remember the last time you’ve said I love you since you came home that first night, and it’s been almost two weeks since then. Yes, I know I deserve better than that but that can be fixed with time and I know that as well.”

“Exactly, baby, we can fix this and...”

“I’m talking now, Shawn and I want you to listen. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and what’s hurt me the most in these past two weeks isn’t how you’ve been treating me, it’s how I’ve been treating myself. I can’t keep living this life where I love you more than myself because it hurts and its degrading and I physically can’t keep going like this. And I know it sounds selfish, and it probably is, but I’ve been unselfishly giving you every inch of love I’ve had in myself for the past 2 years and it’s time that I take some of it for myself. This isn’t goodbye forever, I just need a break. I need to learn to love myself before I can love you fully again.”

Tears were streaming down both of your faces as Shawn pulled you into a bone crushing hug, rocking the two of you slowly with his face buried into your shoulder, “I love you, I love you so much. I don’t want to let you go.”

“If you love me you’ll let me go. I need time Shawn. I don’t want to believe this is the end of us, I just need a break.”

“Just a break,” he mumbled to himself and you pulled away gingerly, grabbing your suitcase from behind you. Shawn felt his heart break even more at the sight of your bag, realizing just how hard you had thought about this, “You already packed your things?”

“Yeah, everything’s in my car.”

“Where are you going?”

You sighed, “I think it’s best that I don’t tell you right now.”

He nodded his head sadly, looking down at the ground in front of him, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“And I want you to know that I will be here when you change your mind. When you want to come back to me I’ll be waiting. I don’t care how long, I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” you breathed out, not trusting your voice from cracking if you spoke any louder. Shawn brought you back in for another hug, holding you tight to his body to keep you with him forever.

“Take your sweet, sweet time, baby. I’ll still be waiting for you with all of my love.” He felt you pulling away and reluctantly released his grasp on you, “Please tell me when you get to wherever you’re going though, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Of course, Shawn,” and with that you placed one last kiss on his cheek, tasting his salty tears on your lips before you walked towards the door, shutting it and all of the memories behind you. Shawn’s heart collapsed inside of himself and after staring at the place where you left, he forced himself to go into your shared bedroom for any last remains of you. His breathing stopped when he saw all of your things gone, but all of the memories of the two of you remaining, realizing that you really wanted this behind you. He stumbled towards the picture of the two of you smiling at the Eiffel Tower that was placed on your nightstand, holding it close to his chest as he rocked himself through his tears on the edge of your side of the bed. When his eyes opened and focused on the item sitting behind the frame, he felt his heart break more than he ever felt possible. You had promised him when he gave it to you that you would never take it off but there it was, time standing still around it. Your promise ring.

___________________

Ring. Ring. The sound of your phone ringing startled you from where you were hands deep in meat, rolling meatballs for tonight’s dinner while your friend was still at work. You quickly washed your hands off, grabbing your phone without looking at the contact as you leaned back against the counter with the phone against your ear, “Hello?”

“Y/n! How are you?”

“Karen?” you gasped, standing up straight, “H-hi, um I’m good thank you, how are you?”

“I’m great, thank you! I think I can speak for all of us, though, when I say we’ve missed you at family dinners!”

“Oh, yeah um, I’ve missed you guys a lot too,” you told her, biting at your nail in nervousness, your heart rate picking up.

“But don’t stress, I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. Shawn’s told us about how busy you are at work, how’s that going by the way?”

Your heart dropped. Shawn’s told them you’ve just been busy at work? Do they know... “It’s going well, thank you. It’s been a bit crazy lately with all the changes, but it’s good.”

“That’s good to hear,” she replied cheerily, “Listen, I’ve called to tell you that we’re organizing a going away dinner-party thing for Shawn next week before he leaves for tour. I know how hard it is with him leaving, Manny, Aaliyah, and I have gotten so used to him around I know it’s gonna be hard. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

“Ye-yeah, I almost forgot he was leaving next week.” You would have been lying if you said you hadn’t still been keeping up with him on social media, therefore hearing about the upcoming tour through his feed. You even still had his leaving date in your phone calendar, not having the heart to remove any of the special dates in there even though it had been over 2 months since you had walked out the door.

“I get it, I don’t want to be reminded about it either,” his mother sighed, oblivious to the panicked girl on the other side of the phone, “But we’ve decided that we’re going to have a bunch of his friends and family over for dinner as a surprise for him! I was wondering if you could just keep him home with you and tell him you’re taking him out for a dinner date or something and then maybe blindfold him to drive him to our place! If you have a better idea that’s good too, I just thought it’d be a cute idea!”

“Take him on a...on a date?” you stuttered, breathing becoming heavily as tears threatened to spill from your eyes, the memories you’ve been trying to hide fighting their way back into your brain.

“Yeah, you know, just something that won’t make him suspicious because the two of you obviously get dinner together all the time.”

“Um yeah...yeah, Karen I’m really sorry, but I have to go,” swallowing the pain held in your throat. If you didn’t end the phone call now, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide your tears from her anymore.

“Of course, sweetie! I’m sorry if I caught you at a bad time. I’ll just text you the details ok?”

“That’s great, yeah.”

“Ok, bye Y/n.”

“Bye Karen,” ending the phone call you collapsed against the kitchen counter, tears streaming out of your eyes and chest heavy. You had cried almost every day since you had left, your best friend trying to comfort you the best she could. You wanted to stay strong as much as you possible, but leaving behind the one thing you loved more than yourself proved to leave a gaping hole in your heart that only Shawn could fill. This week had been the first week you hadn’t cried yourself to sleep every night, only for all of your progress to be ruined with a simple phone call. Karen made it clear that she was completely oblivious to your breakup and it made you wonder why she hasn’t been told yet. Shawn and his family were so close, he told them everything, so it made you wonder if he was so unaffected by the breakup that he didn’t feel the need to tell them. Was he not hurting the way you were? Was he lying when he told you he’d wait for you? When he told you to take as much time as you needed? Did he already find another lover, someone else to give his love to? He hadn’t reached out at all since you walked out the door and although you acknowledged that it was probably for the best in order to forget him, a little part of you wanted him to be calling you, begging for you to come back to him. But nothing happened, only silence from his end leaving you broken hearted and alone.

An hour later and your tears are dried, heart aching for the one person you can’t have. More importantly, you want answers and you were going to get them. Setting out with a determined look on your face, you clean up your plan for dinner and grab your keys, heading out the door towards your car. Placing the keys in the ignition, you wondered if you were stupid for putting yourself in such a vulnerable situation, but you ignored the sinking feeling in your stomach and drove towards the place you used to call home.

It felt almost foreign walking up to his condo, the walls of the elevator mocking you for showing up. You stared at yourself in the reflective panel as you went up, seeing the face of a broken girl staring back at you. Lifting your chin up and pulling your shoulders back, you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself in anyway as the doors of the elevator finally opened. The trek down the hallway felt as though it was a mile long and your heart beat increased with every step you took. This is so stupid, you thought, he’s probably not home. Or what if he has people over. What if he has another girl over?! Your heart clenched with jealousy at the thought of someone else being over, even if you weren’t together anymore and he was therefore allowed to be seeing someone else. Though you couldn’t help but feel hurt over the idea that he had moved on so quickly when he was begging you not to leave in the first place. You realized your feet had moved you to the door before your brain could process it and you quickly knocked on the door to prevent you from backing out.

Minutes passed and you debated turning around to make your escape, but just as you were about to leave, you heard the lock jiggle, the white door in front of you opening wide, “Y/n?”

“Hey,” your throat suddenly felt drier than before and you swallowed thickly in hopes of being able to speak. Shawn moved closer to you, seemingly wanting to give you a hug, but when you took a step back, he took it as a hint to stay in the door frame.

Clearing his throat, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, “Um...uh what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, your mom called me today,” you told him, trying to fake your confidence by looking at his eyes.

“Oh that’s nice, she’s said she misses you....”

“Why didn’t you tell her we broke up?”

Shawn’s eyes widened as if this was new information to him and all of your belongings weren’t missing from his place, “Because we’re didn’t?”

“What are you talking about? Shawn, we haven’t talked in two months.”

“I know, I told you to take however long you needed because I would be here when you change your mind. So I gave you your space for the break you wanted.”

“No, I-” you sighed in annoyance, looking down at your feet as your confident facade faded.

Shawn peered his head out to look down the hallway, “Why don’t we talk about this inside, I don’t really want all of my neighbors hearing about this.” Following him inside, you couldn’t help but notice that he hadn’t moved anything since you had left. All of your pictures were still up, and the empty spaces for your belongings were still bare. “So, what do you think?”

“Hm?” you turned your head around from where you were staring at the living room to meet his eyes as he leaned comfortably against the wall.

“I’ve given you space and time away from all of this. Have you learned to love yourself the way I love you?”

“Shawn...”

“No,” he told you sternly, walking over to where you were standing rigid, “I want you to listen to me this time. I’ve taken this time to reflect on myself and our relationship as well, and trust me, I regret everything about how I was acting before you left. I know it wasn’t right and I want to fix this, ok? I am still just as in love with you as the day you left and I want this again if you do.”

“I love you too, so so much and I do want this again, but...” you were caught off by his soft lips being pressed feverishly against yours, holding onto your waist as you grabbed his biceps to steady you from the dizzying feeling of his kiss after so long. You relaxed into his touch, pressing his body closer to yours in fear that he would disappear once you opened your eyes.

“Shut up,” he mumbled onto your lips, and his arm wrapped around your back to pull you impossibly closer. Pulling back, he let his forehead rest against yours, placing soft pecks to your lips every so often. “I love you baby, just stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Shawn, I love you too much for that.” With your lips reattached to his, you realized that maybe taking a little time away made his arms feel much more like home.

[wasteitonserendipity]

Drops of Jupiter (Changkyun One Shot)

Pairing: Changkyun x reader

Genre: Fluff, a little bit of angst, slight crack

Word count: 1633

Warnings: None 

A/N: So, this is my first time writing for any of Monsta X but I’ve really been into them lately and I figured why not start with my bias so here ya go! Also this a link to the song I was listening to while writing this! It’s my favorite cover! Enjoy. 

Summary: Now that she’s back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair. You’d been gone a year to find yourself and thankfully you have an amazing best friend to come home to. But while you were apart you both learned a few things that could change your relationship forever.

Excitement.

Elation.

Relief.

These were just a few of the words that summed up how Changkyun felt right now. You were finally on your way home after being away for nearly a year. Granted, he had had plenty to keep his mind busy while you were away between a comeback and working on his own side projects, but it just wasn’t the same without you there.

He missed the way you would show up, completely unannounced, at his studio late at night with snacks and coffee in hand and sit on the couch and listen to the tracks that he’d made. How he would come home from recording and you’d be in the kitchen with Kihyun working through a new recipe or working out with Hyunwoo. Or how he would find you out on the porch having a deep conversation with Jooheon about life one moment and then the next you were screaming at the TV with Minhyuk over video games. Or how you never minded being the one to wake up Hyungwon from his long naps because he was always nice to you about it. And how you still kept in close contact with Hoseok after everything that had happened and always made sure that he was taken care of. 

But he knew that you needed to go when you told him that it felt like your life had come to plateau and you needed to find yourself. So, you saved up, packed up your apartment and put everything in storage and said your goodbyes. You didn’t know where exactly you were going but you started in Japan and went from there. Your travels took you all over Europe, the UK and ended in the US. You kept in touch with everyone often and he was always thankful for that, he always knew you were safe and happy. He missed his best friend, almost to the point that it hurt. But he never let you know that, knowing that you’d be on the first plane home if he asked. This was your journey and you needed to write it. 

So here he was, practically pacing a hole in the waiting area of the airport.

“Dude,” Jooheon laughed as he watched his friend, “you’re wearing a hole in the floor. You’re gonna fall through.”

“Well,” Changkyun huffed, “her plane was supposed to land twenty minutes ago.”

“You know how long it takes to get off the plane and get down here right?” he smirked, “so you’re gonna tell her right?”

Changkyun stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Tell her what?” he asked, quirking his eyebrow.

“That you’re fucking in love with her,” the older boy chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“I am not-“ 

“KKKKYYYYUUUNNIIIEEEEE!!!” you screeched, cutting off his rebuttal.

He turned just in time for you to practically tackle him to the ground, knocking him off of his feet. He grinned from ear to ear at you before pinching your cheek like he used to before you lost your baby fat. 

“I MISSED YOU ASSHAT!” you laughed as you got up, extending a hand to help him up as well and then hugging him like your life depended on it. 

He felt like home. As much as you loved having your freedom, you were happy to come home to such a friendly face. 

“I missed you too, brat,” he laughed as he grabbed your huge suitcase for you.

“Honey,” you giggled as you turned to Jooheon, hugging him as well.

“Hey little one, how was the world?” he asked, “you look great.”

“Thanks, love,” you chuckled, hiking your backpack up onto your shoulder “the world is… i don’t ever know how to describe it.”

“Well,” Changkyun said as he ushered you both to the car, “you’ll have plenty of time to tell us all about it. Kihyun hyung insisted on making dinner for your homecoming. I think Hoseok hyung might even make an appearance.” 

“Oh thank god!” you sighed, “plane food is ass, I’m starving.”

Both boys stared at you, dumb grins on their faces. You knew why, too. The old you would have never uttered the words “plane food is ass” because you wouldn’t want to be impolite. you also probably wouldn’t have tackled Changkyun in the middle of an airport but this was a new you. 

“I’m gonna like this new Y/N,” Jooheon chuckled as he and Changkyun put your bags into the car. 

Changkyun already knew he liked this you. He saw you slowly evolve while you were out on your adventures. Gone was the timid Y/N who was almost afraid of new things and new people. He saw you bloom into the amazing, adventurous, worldly woman in front of him. You seemed ready to take on any challenge head on and he was glad that that part of you was finally awakened. He knew what you were capable of but sometimes you didn’t, but now you knew it too. 

One thing he knew for sure: he loved you then and he loved you now. 

—————————— ———————————————— 

After four hours of being stuffed with delicious food, some boisterous conversations about your world travels, and probably one too many soju bombs you were now laying in Changkyun’s room as he sat at his desk showing you some new music for his next mixtape. 

“So, tell me,” you mused as you flipped onto your stomach to look at him, “what’s it like being an international superstar?”

“I mean, it’s cool, I guess,” he shrugged, laughing a little as he edited a beat, “it’s like working without working, ya know?” 

“Well, you do a great job, bug,” you smiled, pretending not to see the little grin he had at the nickname you gave him, “when I was in the states I had a lot of people as me about my Monsta X stickers on my bags and stuff. A lot of people knew who you were! And if they didn’t I put them on.”

“It’s like having our own personal promo model,” he laughed before shutting down his computer and taking his place next to you on the bed.

You flipped over onto your back, staring at the ceiling, contemplating where you wanted the conversation to go next. 

“So, tell me,” Changkyun mimicked as he mirrored your position, “did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?”

You smiled, a small sigh leaving your lips. This was where you wanted it to go, this was the conversation you’d been dying to have with him for years but you didn’t want to risk your friendship. Back then, you would have rather had a part of him than none at all. If you’d learned anything in your time away it was that he was it for you. 

“I missed you more than you can imagine,” you confessed, turning to face him, propping your head on your hand. 

“I think I can imagine,” he said quietly, not looking at you yet.

You sat in silence for a few more moments studying his face, trying to get a read off of it. You could see the wheels turning in his head, he was looking for the right words.

“Kyun?” you practically whispered, sitting up cross legged, gently wrapping a hand around his, “I need to tell you something.”

He sat up in front of you, never letting go of your hand. His eyes finally met yours. Somehow they looked intense but soft at the same time, a look you hadn’t really experienced before. 

“Yes?” he asked, never breaking eye contact.

You took a deep breath. 

You reminded yourself of all of the reasons why you’d come to realize you loved him. How he accepted every single part of you, no matter what anyone else thought. How he knew your order at just about every fast food restaurant you guys would go to late at night. How he was your first real dance at your sisters wedding when you were younger, even if he did awkwardly step on your toes a few times. How he would call you from tour just to talk for hours into the night about anything and everything. Even when you were gone you’d still do your twice a month five hour phone calls to keep your sanity. You always knew it was him.

“I love you,” you said quietly, a small blush creeping up your cheeks. 

“You what?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“I said ‘I love you’,” you sighed, “as in ‘I’m in love with you and I think I have been for a long time now,’”

Silence.

“Well,’ he chuckled, dropping your hand to place it on your cheek, “you stole my line, but I love you too. As in ‘I’m in love with you too, and I know I have been for a very long time.”

“FUCKING FINALLY!!” Minhyuk screamed  as he popped his head into the room making you both jump.

You both laughed as you looked at each other, Changkyun shaking his head. 

“I forgot how nosey you guys are,” you laughed, “how long have you been out there?”

“Since dinner ended,” Hoseok giggled from behind Minhyuk, “we’ve been waiting for this for years!”

“You and me both,” Changkyun said with a smile before finally, FINALLY kissing you. 

After you finally broke apart from each other you were slightly embarrassed but not remotely surprised the you now had an audience of six instead of two. 

“Okay, free show’s over, I have a boyfriend to kiss. GET OUT!” you laughed as got up from your place to shoo the older boys out and shut the door.  

“Now, where were we?” you asked coyly. 

“I think right about here,” Changkyun smirked as you two started what would be a long and very satisfying night. (wink wink)

[anninhiliation]

Behind Closed Doors

A/N: I attached the requests on the bottom this time! Might do that from now on who knows

Wordcount: 2.2k+

Warnings: There is smut, but it's over 1.6k+ wording deep mostly angst and some fluff  

Masterlist

You stayed up and waited for Chris to come home from the studio. It was 12:00 am, and he still wasn’t home and not a single text from him. You knew dating a musician entailed long nights and early mornings, the tours and promos but none of that mattered to you. All that mattered was that you would be with Chris even if it was just for a couple of months, and the occasional breaks in between tour. Chris was an amazing boyfriend of almost two years, and you were head over heels for him. Yet, you couldn’t help but think something was wrong in the relationship. It wasn’t what it used to be, and maybe you were just being paranoid but you felt as if things were different. As the night dragged on, hitting 1:45 am and still nothing from Chris, you decided to send him a text. 

Y/N: hey amor are you gonna be in the studio for much longer? 

As you awaited a response you went on with your nightly routine, trying not to think about Chris and what he was doing, fearing the worst. As you were brushing your teeth, your phone buzzed making your glance over the screen. 

Papito😘: No it ended early but we went out 

You read the notification, making your heart sink. You knew what we went out meant, and you knew how he was when he got drunk. Lately, you felt as if Chris was avoiding you, choosing to spend time with strangers or his bandmates than his own girlfriend. You were feeling abandoned by the one person you loved and trusted the most. You missed how he used to make you feel like his top priority, always going out of his way to see you, call you, text you anything. You left Chris on read sighing as you got into bed, in your shared bedroom. Laying in the darkroom, your thoughts clouded your mind. The room was infected with him, his scent, his things, a few pictures of him, and worst of all his presence. You fell asleep with tears streaming down your face as all you could think about was Chris and what you did wrong and where it went wrong. When you woke up the next morning, you were still alone just as he left you. With a sigh, you got out of bed completely miserable and drained from your crumbling relationship. After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you exited the bedroom and made your way to the kitchen. If you were being honest, you weren’t even hungry, you had no motivation to cook and just wanted to go back to bed. As the eggs sizzled on the hot pan, the front door unlocked and sluggish footsteps dragged themselves into the kitchen. You looked up from your cooking and there appeared a very tired and hungover Christopher. He poured himself a cup of coffee after kissing your cheek and saying good morning. When he embraced you into a hug, his scent pierced your scenes, but it was different. It wasn’t just his, you smelt the perfume of another. What was another girl’s scent doing lingering on him? Was he cheating on you? Was he so fed up with you, so bored of you he opted for someone new and didn’t have the heart to tell you? 

“Nena want to grab lunch today?” He asked interrupting your thoughts

You looked up from your cooking and at him, a little wide-eyed making him raise an eyebrow at you. 

“Nena?” he asked again 

“Y-yeah that would be nice wanna go to our usual spot?” you asked 

“Sounds good,” he smiled as his phone buzzed making him look over at it “listen nena I gotta go, but let’s meet at one”

He kissed your temple and rushed out the door.

You sat in the little quaint restaurant at bouncing your leg nervously as you waited for Chris. Little did he know, that before lunch you ran down to Adore Me and picked out something you knew he would love hidden underneath your sundress. Even though you were afraid that he was cheating on you, you couldn’t help but miss him, his touch, his attention and what you used to have with him. 1 o’clock rolled around, and still no Chris. Maybe he’s just a few minutes late, it is a busy day in the city after all. Then it hit 1:30 PM and not even a single text from him. Then the waiter came by at 2 with an apologetic smile. 

“Miss its been an hour, its either you order something or I’m going to have to ask you to leave I’m sorry its policy”

“Sorry for wasting your time” you mumbled as you gathered your things and rushed out calling Chris 

On the third ring he finally picked up “nena?” 

You could hear a girl laugh in the background making your blood boil. You were already suspicious of being replaced, but he couldn’t even give you the decency of ending things beforehand or hide things better. 

“Chris you said we were meeting for lunch! What the hell?” you hissed 

“Nena it’s only- oh shit,” he said “listen nena I’m sorry-” 

“Whatever Chris” you sighed, “it’s not like we haven’t spent time together in months or anything”

You hung up after that not wanting to hear another word or let him sense that you were holding back tears.

Back in the shared home, you gathered your belongings and prepared an overnight bag, for maybe a night or two. In truth, you packed so many things you could leave for a week without a problem. You needed to clear your head and see where you were going with Chris. It wasnt as if you could really have a heart to heart with someone who was never there. In a rush not wanting to walk into Chris you zipped up the luggage and beelined for the front door. As you swung the front door open you were shocked to see Chris on the other side of it, ready to unlock it. 

“Nena what are you doing?” he questioned looking at your luggage 

“I’m leaving for a few days not that you would care” you huffed as you tried to move past him

Chris blocked the door, growing slightly annoyed as his confusion grew. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked shocked 

“Chris, when was the last time we spent time together? You’re never here and when you are you make no effort to take time and do things with me! When was the last time you paid attention to me? When was the last time you touched me?” You spat out as you pushed him to the side walking away with tears streaming down your face. “We’re through” you said trying to not let your teary face become obvious 

Day 1: 

Papito😘 calling

Declined.

Papito😘: Nena please im sorry

Looking at the notification you rolled your eyes and huffed. Did he really think such a cliche line would make you run back to him? 

Papito😘: Nena ill do better

You read the text again, thinking he should have done better when he had you. 

Papito😘: Y/N please I need you 

You turned your phone off after that text not wanting to cave in to him afraid that one of his texts would send you running back into his arms. Without Chris, you were miserable and even more heartbroken than before. You missed him more than ever before, he had nested a piece of your mind and heart larger than you realized. 

Day 2:

It felt like you weren’t getting better and Chris’s friends were now contacting you.

Richard started as you were closest to him out of Chris’s friends. He asked you to take back his friend or at least meet with him, telling you how unhappy Chris was without you. Then news broke out, shattering your broken heart into dust. Christopher Velez seen with mystery girl. Y/N and Chris over? Joel was quick to contact you after you drowned yourself in the vicious headlines. You cried yourself to sleep that night. 

Day 3: 

You stopped by the house to pick up the rest of your belongings and to return the keys at a time you figured Chris wouldn’t be home. You unlocked the front door, and quietly let yourself in.

“Nena?” a weak voice called out from the living room 

You froze in your steps, being completely taken back by Chris. His sluggish footsteps made their way to the door, as he practically froze in his steps. 

“W-what are you doing?” he asked 

You studied his face, his eyes were puffy, and baggy from lack of sleep. Chris looked terrible, making the ache in your heart grow. 

“I- I was just grabbing some stuff, I thought you wouldn’t be home right now” you meekly responded looking down at your feet

“Nena please don’t do this” he begged as he slowly approached you 

You stood there still frozen as he continued to approach you. He gingerly placed his hands around your waist and pulled you in to him. His face nuzzled into the crook of your neck as his tears hit your warm skin. 

“Nena please” he sobbed “te amo I fucked up...I fucked up”

Your arms slowly wrapped around him as tears fell from your eyes. 

“Chris” you whispered “you abandoned me”

He moved his head, lips hovering millimeters apart from yours and met your eyes. His big brown eyes looked into yours, silently pleading with you. 

“Nena” he whispered “I'm so sorry”

Looking down at his lips and back into his eyes, with your hands slowly traveling into his locks you tugged on them gently as you smashed your lips against his. Chris kissed you back as his lips melted into yours. This felt right to you, his hands roaming your body as you tugged harder on his making an ache between your legs. His hands went further down your body, behind your thighs and lifted you up as you jumped up. Your legs wrapped around his torso as he carried you to the bedroom. 

“Let me make it up to you nena” he said between kisses as he laid you on the messy bed

He helped you get out of your clothes as you helped him get out of his. He kissed your neck hitting all of your favorite spots.

“I will never let this happen again” he mumbled in the crook of your neck 

“You are my everything” he continued as his hands slid down your body 

“You deserve only the best” he whispered as he left a trail of soft kisses from your neck to your collar bones 

“You're so beautiful nena” he said as he grabbed your breasts, encircling one of your hardened buds with his mouth

Your back arched as your breathing hitched, hands tugging harder on his hair. 

“Chris” you whimpered creating music to his ears with every noise you made

He paid attention to the other bud making you moan as his fingers trailed down to your pulsating core. Your hips bucked as he teased your slit, as he continued his trail of kisses. 

“Please give me another chance nena” he groaned as he passed your naval 

“I will never disappoint you again” he whispered as he kitten licked your slit

“You taste as sweet as honey nena” he mumbled between licks  

Your mouth hung agape as he did all the things you liked, drawing your favorite pattern on your swollen pearl. He slid two fingers inside you and curled at the right spot. 

“Oh my god” you moaned as your toes curled 

Chris pumped his fingers quickly building up your knot. 

“Chris just fuck me” you whimpered as you wanted more, wanting to feel closer to him 

“Anything you want princesa” he said as he pulled away from you and slowly slid inside you

He kissed your neck and collar bones as he set a slow pace. You scratched his nape and down his back as your walls opened up from him. 

“Faster” You whined 

“Fuck nena” he grunted as he snapped his hips quicker and rougher 

His hand slithered down to your nerve endings and drew figure eights. 

“You are my everything I love you nena” he groaned 

He angled his hips and threw your leg over his shoulder, hitting right into your inner sweet spot. Your eyes were rolling back as a knot formed in your lower abdomen. Walls fluttered around his member, making his thrusts lose their rhythm. 

“Nena cum for me,” he whispered as he kissed your plump lips “let me see you make that pretty face” 

“Chris!” You screamed as your knot snapped 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your skull as you entered your state of bliss. Your thighs shook around him as you left another trail of red marks down his back. Your breathing hitched as Chris rode you out for your high, and then slipping into his. You felt his warmth spread inside you as he released his seed in you. He slowly pulled out of you and lovingly kissed your lips before laying on the bed and pulling you on top of him. You nuzzled into the crook of his neck as your fingers twirled his strands of hair. 

“Nena I’m so sorry about everything” he finally spoke as he nervously drew circles against your hips “please give me another chance I’ll do better I promise”

You looked up into his big brown eyes and smiled. 

“Let’s start over”  you grinned

“I love you y/n” he said as he kissed the top of your head

~~~~~~~~~

Anon: OMG I LOVE YOUR STORIES AHBHBKJDNJSD CAN YOU DO A CHRIS STROY THATS ANGST AT FIRST WHERE HE IS SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH A GIRL LIKE SAMANTHA SO YOU THINK HES CHEATING AND YOU GUYS FIGHT AND HE ENDS UP ASSURING YOU ITS NOTHING AND YOU GUYS KIND OF FUCK YOUR ANGER OUT AND TRY TO DOMINATE EACHOTHER BUT IT ENDS FLUFFY WITH HIM TRULY REASURING YOU THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL HE WANTS

Anon: Some sweet rough love making with Chris under the stars Bc a bitch is in her feelings 💕

Anon: hi queen! i don't know if you've already made this one, if not can you please write about having makeup sex with chris? like you both haven't seen each other in a while, but when you do your hoeing with other guys which got him super pissed... Thank you !

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {33}**

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Fluff, Angst, NSFW 😁

Word Count: 10.3K 😳

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Y’all said 10.3K was not a problem. Prove it, let’s see how many of y’all read it all. LOL.  Hope you guys like it, you deserve it. 🙃😏

Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive***

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 33: Ready?

-Vixen-

  “Hello, earth to Vixen!”

  You shook your head and noticed your friends and Nexus staring at you. You’d zoned out—again. You’d lost track of how many times your mind drifted.

  “Hey, yeah.”

  “Hey, yeah? What the hell was that? where were you just now?”

  You shook your head and rubbed your forehead. “It was nothing. where were we?”

  They looked at you as if you’d grown a second head. “We were talking about how fine your baby daddy is,” Angie blurted out.

  “Oh boy, here we go.”

  “Yes, here we go. To think your disappearance act that night in Vegas was more than you being a workaholic choosing work over fun. You were off getting your back blow—wait, can he blow backs? He is white.” They all laughed, and you took the opportunity to take a long sip of your half and half iced tea lemonade. You really didn’t want to divulge any details about your sex life. You almost laughed because it had been years since you’d gotten any sort of blowing out of your back.

“You’re quiet. Oh my god, white boy can lay pipe Vixen?” Jia’s tone was full of shock, and it matched the bugged-out eyes of all your friends.

  “Why do you look so surprised? Have you guys heard the rumors about him over the years? I can pull them up right now,” Drea added as she took up her phone and scrolled.

  You were suddenly filled with dread as well as a strange level of curiosity. Over the years, you purposely stayed away from a lot of fodder that surrounded him. You couldn’t stay away from the movies and everything about that part of it, but anything personal you kept away from like the plague.

  “Okay, so for the last threeish years, he’s been a little quiet, but there have been girls. Jessie that was a fling that lasted a few months, but she told anyone that would listen about him being her ideal guy. She even talked about the sex said he was the best she’d ever had. Sarah, not much info on that one, but she’s pretty. There are rumors about a string of flings that he’s kept pretty low key, and one named Lita, they had been together most recent a few weeks ago,” she finished.

“Wow, he’s a whore.”

  “Every saint had a past, and every sinner has a future. I don’t think we should judge him based on tabloid fodder,” Nexus voiced. She looked at you, giving you a stern eye that said ignore it.

  “Saint, sinner, doesn’t matter to me. I am just trying to get some deets on how Captain America’s stroke game is,” Angie clarified.

  “Guys. It was years ago, who remembers that far back?”

  “If it were good dick, I’d remember it on my death bed and tell all you hoes about it,” Drea chimed.

  You shook your head and looked around the restaurant you were at. It screamed authentic Boston. It screamed lowkey but didn’t gimp on modern luxuries. The wooden tables looked like fine red cedar; the glass top roof gave the space an airy and warm glow thanks to the afternoon sun, and the scattered potted plants gave the restaurant great pops of color. Looking around at the faces of the diners you could tell they were enjoying the food as well as the ambiance of the place and that made you like it even more.

  “Vixen!”

  You looked at them. You’d once again drifted off. Only this time, it wasn’t to thoughts of Chris it was to thoughts of a restaurateur. If it wasn’t one, it was the other.

  “Sorry I got lost. This place is great.”

  “Could you stay present and not drift off to work land?” You rolled your eyes at Joan. She should have been the one to get it; she was the one who’d gone to culinary school with you. She did the same thing all the time. That was one of the reasons you got along well; she knew what you were going through.

  “I would stay present if you all weren’t so damn nosy about what kind of dick game my kid’s father has,” you blurted out, the stress of everything was compressing on you.

  “Let’s get off the topic of dick,” Nexus suggested.

  “We will, she just has to admit one thing,” Angie began.

  “What Ang?”

  “You know and remember what kind of dick game he has.” You smiled though you tried not to. This wasn’t a smiling matter. You’d always worried about the day they found out who Ella’s dad was. You worried because you knew they would be like this.

  “Fine. I know and remember—kind of the kind of dick game he has. What I will not do is talk about it.”

  The four of them booed you while you and Nexus laughed. Your phone chimed in your bag, and you dug for it. Your first thought was something was wrong with Ella. This was the first time Chris was left with her. Your parents were close by, but for the most part Ella was his responsibility. When you looked at the screen you saw a message from Kassius.

  MSG Kassius: Second wave of publicity starts in a few days. The first batch of pictures we took will suffice for now, but soon we need to do reshoots to push that ASAP. When will you be back in LA?

MSG: A few more days. Four tops. I’m still dealing with a few things.

MSG Kassius: Okay. If it works, I can set up for you to get reshoots in Boston. The team can be out there in twenty-four hours and get it done in one afternoon.

MSG: Yeah, that actually can work. I don’t want to hold the timeline up anymore.

MSG Kassius: It’s fine, Vixen. We are right on schedule. The team has been doing excellent promo work, and I hear lots of whispers and interest in you. I think you are about to blast off fame wise.

  Your heart sunk a little. You hadn’t thought about fame when you decided on all of this. Fame was not what you were after. In San Francisco, you’d passed up on huge partnerships because the idea of fame was terrifying especially with Ella and your situation then. Now your situation was much more precarious. You didn’t know if fame was the best thing.

  MSG Kassius: I’ve been getting calls from the head bosses at Food Network.

  Again, your eyes bugged out.

  “Food Network? Holy shit!”

  MSG: Food Network? As in cooking shows Food Network?

MSG Kassius: Yeah. One of the executives saw you at Culinary Expo said you did a cooking segment and loved it. He says you have something. I wasn’t going to tell you until they requested a meet, but cat’s out the bag.

  You couldn’t believe your eyes. Someone at Food Network saw your segment at the expo and was now in talks for god knows what.

  MSG Kassius: I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything about it. As for the team and the reshoots, how about the day after tomorrow?

MSG: Yeah, I’ll confirm before then.

MSG Kassius: All right, thank you. Get back to it.

  You were so stunned you weren’t even hearing your friends.

  “What is going on with you?”

  “That was Kassius, the guy I’m working with. He just told me there was an Executive from Food Network that was at the expo, and they saw my segment and liked it, so now there may be talks about something.”

  They all squealed and clapped bringing all the eyes in the restaurant to you. Your smile was so broad that it almost matched how big your embarrassment was. They swarmed you with hugs and congratulations and even more questions about what it meant. You had no answer. You didn’t know.

  After another hour at the restaurant, the six of you were now checking out the types of shopping the area had. You found a few things for Ella and thought about finding a new outfit, but you didn’t know how you’d explain it to them. You knew they wouldn’t just leave it as you wanting to get a new outfit, they would badger and press and be invasive, and you didn’t have any more mental space. You were processing a lot.

  In a few hours, you were going on a date with your daughter’s father, who happened to be your ex-husband. This date was happening years after you’d met, slept together, had a child together, and divorced. You wanted to laugh at the mere thought of your entire situation. You’d jumped over every step and went right to the endzone. Now it felt like you were backtracking to dot your I’s.

  You didn’t know what you were doing. You always knew what you were doing—always. You were in unchartered territory, and you knew it. Once you realized you were still attracted to him, you’d entered unchartered territory. You didn’t know precisely how to be or what to say. You just knew you had an overwhelming desire to jump his bones.

  Before you knew it, you and Nexus were at their hotel helping them pack up so they could get to the airport. As you watched them dance around and act ridiculous you were grateful for each of them. Yeah, they drove you absolutely bat shit crazy, and they were loud and often times hella uncensored to the point of embarrassment, but they had good hearts and were always there when you needed them. You were born with one sister, but you’d discovered four more.

  At the airport, the goodbye was short and sweet. You thought you’d get away without one of them giving their unwarranted advice, but you were wrong. Joan was the one to turn back to give you one last hug. It was a hug that lasted a little longer.

  “You have a beautiful brain that loves to overthink and loves to ignore and avoid. It’s part of your charm. You also have a beautiful heart; it’s big and kind and broken. You can’t live with a cold heart Vix. You can’t live by shutting people out and never letting anyone in. All you have to do is let the right one in.”

  When she pulled back and looked at you, there was an “ah-ha” moment between you. You knew she’d caught the nature of yours and Chris’ relationship, knew she’d picked up on whatever was drifting around the two of you whenever you were near each other. In the glance that lasted a few moments the two of you understood each other. She walked off to catch up to everyone else, and you and Nexus got into the car and headed back to the house.

When you walked inside, you expected to see chaos, but it was all quiet. As you walked around the house looking for Chris and Ella every expectation was not met. You expected to see nothing but mess, hear nothing but screams or cries, but every turn you didn’t find that. You were met by more quiet and calm. When you got to the back you expected to see them in the pool, but they were not in the pool. You walked further into the yard and saw Chris and Anthony playing with Ella. Both of the masculine men were wearing brightly colored princess costumes. You and Nexus stopped in your tracks and looked at each other with your jaws dropped.

  Anthony wore a yellow Belle costume with full-on Burnett wig. He was sitting at table decked out with teacups, flowers, pastries, and a few other items.

  “What the hell--,” Nexus began.

  Chris was walking around the table dressed as Rapunzel, but the one from Tangled. He also wore a wig, but it was blond and ridiculously long, so long he had the braid wrapped around his arm. He was serving tea to Ella, who was dressed as Ariel but wore items of Tiana’s as well. From the distance you stood, all you could hear was the high pitched voices of Anthony and Chris as they chattered along with Ella. You looked to Nexus again, who had her phone out and was filming the entire thing. The smile on her face was huge.

  “I’m gonna marry him.”

  Your head snapped to her again. Nexus never brought up the “M” word. She always said she was not the marrying kind. This was a first, and you knew she meant it. You’d be surprised if their relationship didn’t lead there at some point. They were extraordinarily compatible and similar. Half of you marveled that after such little time someone could know something so important. It was as if their hearts recognized each other the minute they met, and everything was pulling them together. You almost laughed as the thought popped into your head that if you and Chris had done things differently then maybe Nex and Anthony may have already been married.

  The closer you got, the more you could hear.

  “Oh, princess Ariel Tiana, this tea is just delightful,” Chris informed in a high-pitched tone that you were sure was supposed to resemble a woman’s voice.

  “I have to agree with our dear friend Rapunzel, can I call you rap girl? Your name is so long,” Anthony responded in his own high-pitched voice. He was sitting to the side of the chair with one shoulder poked out ad his head angled up. It screamed attitude.

  “Of course, rap has a nice ring to it.

  “Thank you, sis,” Anthony finished.

  Ella nodded her head and took a sip from the cup.

  “Goo tea sis.”

  You and Nexus busted out laughing, unable to hold it any longer. The “sis” took you out. All eyes went to the two of you. It was then you noticed the two men had very badly done makeup on. Chris had pink and purple glittery eyeshadow on that matched the deep purple blush that was applied to the high points of his cheekbone and bright pink lipstick. It all went very well with the outfit he wore. Antony, on the other hand, had yellow eyeshadow on with bright red blush to his cheeks and the same bright red lipstick. It made you and Nexus laugh even harder.

  “Mama!” Ella ran over to you just as you stooped down to meet her and hug her. You then noticed her makeup. She had on glittery green eyeshadow with a peachish colored blush to her cheeks and soft pink lipstick. It wasn’t bad, though none of the colors looked good together.

  “Wow, princess. You look—wow.”

  “Who did this to you, Ella?” Ella pointed to Anthony who batted his eyelashes quickly.

  “I did a marvelous job,” he informed in the same high-pitched voice. Nexus smiled again. Ella led you to the table with your pinky in her hand. It gave you the chance to take in Chris’ outfit fully.

  “Tea too mama, tee-tee,” Ella ordered.

  “Yes, please do join us for a spot of tea,” Chris pressed. You smiled and sat down adjacent to him as Nexus sat next to Anthony.

  “My goodness, I feel like we’re underdressed for the occasion, Vix.”

  You snorted then pinched your lips.

  “I feel it too Nex.”

  “Fiddle-dee, we understand don’t we princess Ariel Tiana. Not everyone can be as fashionably amazing as we are,” Anthony quipped.

  Looking at Nexus’ face, you knew she was head over heels, no way of getting up in love with that man. Your eyes turned to Chris to find him already watching you. Your face heated, feeling a little self-conscious.

  “Tea sis.” Ella said again, holding out two cups, one to you and the other to Nexus. All of you busted out laughing at the same time.

  For the next thirty minutes, you enjoyed teatime. You watched Ella’s interactions with Chris and took notice of how perfect it all seemed. She didn’t hesitate to touch him or to smile at him, and he looked more comfortable as well. You loved watching them interact. It was quickly becoming your most favorite thing. Your eyes dropped to his lips, and you mentally corrected yourself.

  “Second favorite thing.”

  Soon you were sitting and watching Ella just twirl around the yard. She looked happy and carefree, and it warmed your heart.

  “What’re you thinking?” You looked to Chris, whose eyes were already on you.

  “Uh—nothing, just she looks so happy and carefree. I think she loves it here.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Well, she’s always welcome here. Her room is always prepped.”

  You looked down at the table and snorted. “Who did this to you?”

  “She did.” You examined his face again.

  “You don’t like it?” You laughed, then nodded.

  “I love it. The purple and glitter really bring out the blue in your eyes.”

  Chris nodded and then shook his head. “Go on laugh it up. If I were a less secure man I’d be very self-conscious right now.”

  “So you’re secure wearing the prettiest Rapunzel get up I’ve ever seen and makeup to match?”

  “Absolutely, my little girl wanted to play princess tea party costumes and all, and I was not going to disappoint.” You smiled again. He had no sense of toxic male masculinity, and it was yet another thing to like about him.

  “How was your day?”

  “It was good. Got some food, did a little shopping, and took my friends to the airport.”

  “Maybe I’ll get another opportunity to get to know them better. They seem like great women.”

  You nodded again and wondered if he always knew the right thing to say.

  “Da-da, come ance.”

  “Go, dance, and frolic in the grass princess Rapunzel,” you teased.

  “Don’t mind if I do,” Chris responded in his high-pitched woman’s voice as he got up and skipped over to Ella.

  “That is the worst woman’s voice I’ve ever heard, by the way.” Chris turned back and stuck his tongue out at you then began skipping and dancing with Ella.  You couldn’t handle watching any more, so you stood and walked back to the house. As you walked inside you saw Anthony and Nexus whispering and giggling together in the kitchen. She never giggled.

  Once you made it to your door, there was one single long stem lavender rose taped to the door. Your steps slowed as you got closer. Standing in front of the door, you took it and took a whiff. The fragrance was strong but soft all at once, and you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face. You bit your bottom lip and opened the door still lost in the flower. When you turned around you nearly dropped everything. There was a huge bouquet that housed pink, white and purple roses were wrapped around a few layers of soft white tulle lying across your bed.

 “Oh my god.”

 Slowly you walked to them. Each step felt like your legs were filled with lead. Once you made it to the side of your bed your fingers traced the tulle and then the delicate soft petals of the roses. They were beautiful.

  You perched on the edge of your bed, then bent to smell them and moaned. No matter how detached you were, you couldn’t ignore that flowers still gave you that warm and fuzzy feeling. You noticed you didn’t feel like this when Zack gave you flowers. You felt nothing then. That acknowledgment made your nerves rise.

  You saw the note sticking out from between two buds. Once you opened it, you read it’s contents.

  Vixen,

 There was a conversation we had all those years ago that plays in my head often. I asked you what your favorite flowers were, and you said you didn’t have one, but you were a sucker for roses only if they weren’t red. You mentioned red roses were so typical and the only thing men ever thought to give. You said you liked the unconventional choice rather than the predictable one. That alone told me a lot about you. It said you preferred sincerity over intentional shows, you would rather a plain and simple expression over something fake and extravagant. You only needed the sentiment to be evident and real. I can do that. There are many ways to give you the world. I’ll see you at five at the gazebo.

 -Chris-

  Your heart was racing. You began to wonder if he’d always been this charming. Thinking back to those years ago, you quickly found your answer. This had always been him. He’d just become more devastatingly so.

  “Oh dear god, I beg you help me keep my panties on tonight.”

 ~~~~~~~~

 -That Night-

 You didn’t want anyone to know, neither of you did. You had an early dinner with your family, Chris and Anthony. Neither you or Chris ate or spoke; you were so wrapped up in your thoughts you just rolled it around your plate. Thankfully because of Anthony’s presence, you were not the topic of conversation; it was instead Anthony and Nexus. Then you allowed Chris to tuck Ella in while you began getting ready.

  You did and undid your hair more times than you could count and changed way more than you should have. It was annoying. You were never like this. By the time it was almost five you stared at yourself again and took a few deep breaths. With your shoes in your hand you walked out your room and downstairs, hoping no one saw you. Just as you were about to be home free you saw Anthony and Nexus cuddled up beside the pool. You froze and tried to think of another route. Before you could move Anthony was the one to see you. He smiled and nodded then fanned you along while he distracted Nexus. You scurried across the deck and then the backyard toward where the gazebo was.

As you approached, you saw Chris standing there with his back to you. From behind he looked delicious. The closer you got, he must have felt your presence; he turned around and froze just watching you approach. You smiled, and the look on his face was like someone had kicked him in his gut.

  “Hi. Am I late?”

  Chris didn’t speak; he just stared at you for a long while. Then he shook his head as if he’d just zoned out or something.

  “Sorry, um—no, I think you’re right on time.” You smiled and watched him hold out another purple rose. Smiling, you took the flower.

  “Thank you; it’s beautiful. I love it, and the ones upstairs.” Chris smiled, and the two of you stood there, staring at each other. Chris cleared his throat and took a breath.

  “Shall we?” he motioned to two bikes, one blue and the other pink.

  “Are those bikes?”

  “They are. Tell me you remember how to ride.”

  “I’m willing to try to remember.”

  You shook your head at your dirty thought and smiled. “Sure. It’s been over ten years, at least.”

  “Same for me, but we’re not going too far, and the truck isn’t the best mode of transportation there.”

  You looked over yourself at the dress you wore then to the bike and shook off the worry. You were actually getting a little excited.

  “All right.” You approached the bike and dropped your heels in the basket then lifted your leg. “Don’t look.”

  Chris snorted and looked away and climbed on his bike. You sighed once you were finally on it.

  “All right, follow me.” Chris peddled off, and you followed close behind into the forest.

  As you rode, he pointed things out and teased you for the way you peddled trying to keep your legs together. The more he teased you, the more you got in touch with your tomboy self and pushed impropriety to the side and enjoyed the ride. You stood on the peddles and enjoyed the carefreeness you felt. After you’d been riding for about eight minutes, the house was no longer in sight. Chris went into a different part of the woods than you’d ever been and cautioned you to be careful.

  After another ten or so minutes, you pulled up beside a stopped Chris. “Why’d you stop?”

  “We’re here.” You looked where he was, and your jaw dropped.

You’d made it to a lake, but it was not just any lake. There was a long walk path that was decked out with lanterns. It began at the shore and went out over the water for several feet. At the end of the way, there was a tiny cabin that was decked out It was decked out with twinkling tree lights that had it competing with the amazing backdrop of nothing but wilderness and the reflection of the lowering sun and the sky.

  “Oh my god.”  You pressed your palm to your stomach and tried to steady the butterflies that were rampantly causing havoc on your nerves. You didn’t know how long you stood there just frozen. A plethora of possibilities and outcomes ran through your mind.

  “Are you okay?” Chris’ voice brought you out of your head and back into the present. You looked at him, and for the first time you didn’t have any words. That was new for you. Staring in his eyes your mouth went dry, and you felt your body drift to him. Quickly you pulled back and cleared your throat.

  “Ye—yeah.”

  “Okay. This is where we leave these and go on foot.”

  “On foot? Down that?” You nudged your head to the steep dune before you.

  “Yeah. Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” Chris assured as he leaned the bikes against a tree and waited for you to take your heels and clutch from the basket of yours. You looked down to see his held out hand. “Ready?”

  You felt like it was a loaded question, felt like it didn’t just mean ready to go down the dune or walk across that walk path. You felt it asked if you were ready for what came now? Were you ready for what came next? Were you ready for whatever happened tonight and any other night or day beyond? You didn’t know if you were, but you also knew that everything had been leading here. Fate was on your ass, and that bitch was saying your move.

  -Chris-

With your hand in his, he took it slow leading you down the dune. He was glad you weren’t wearing heels because you may have twisted your ankle. Though the heels looked to go perfectly with the dress, he liked you barefoot, liked you looking carefree and down to earth rather than fully put together. He remembered he loved the way you looked that first morning he woke up to you. Your hair was a mess, mascara and eyeshadow smudged, lipstick smeared across your cheek and naked. He honestly thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen on spot. When you put on his shirt and paced the room, that was the first time he’d had a strange feeling in his chest. You squealed, and he saw you about to fall, without thinking about it; he scooped you off your feet and carried you the rest of the way.

  Once at the shore, he looked at you to find your eyes already on him, and you were breathing hard as if you’d run a marathon. “What?”

  Your Adam’s apple bobbed, then you cleared your throat and looked away as he let you down.

  “Nothing, just—I didn’t ehm—expect you to be so—strong.”

  He smiled and tried to prevent the blush he knew was creeping up his neck.

  “Well, I am Captain America.” You laughed, and the tension was immediately broken up.

  “Good one.” He began the walk to the boardwalk with you following behind.

  As you walked, he felt you lagging behind. When he looked back, you were looking around at the lanterns and the water and every so often the cabin ahead. Your expression was concealed so he was having a hard time piecing together what you were thinking. It was a miracle he was able to pull this off especially since what he wanted to be done in the time span was what some would call impossible. He made it happen though, another perk of being Chris Evans. As he looked at the cabin, he had no regrets. You deserved nothing less.

  “What is this place?”

  “It came with the property. Remember I told you the lake was the selling point for me? Well, on the lake there was this old decrepit cabin, and I restored it. I don’t use it really. I always found it interesting it was kind of in the middle of the lake rather than at the shore. There were so many possible places I could take you tonight, but this was my number one choice.” He stopped in front of the door as did you. You looked around your feet and saw the lavender moss floating above the water, then you looked up at the lit trees, and in the glow of the light you looked at him.

  “It’s beautiful.” He smiled and nodded, then opened the door and stepped over the threshold. Slowly you walked in and gasped. He watched your face as a few emotions passed across them, but you didn’t speak. Just when he began to think he’d missed the mark here and went way over the top, you rubbed your forehead.

  “Well fuck!”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  You blew out a breath and looked to him.

  “Well, you just made it that much more difficult not to sleep with you.”

  He could have been knocked over with a breeze, and he was sure his expression showed it.

  “Wow.”

  You laughed, it began small but got louder and much freer, it was almost obnoxiously loud, but it was contagious. Soon the two of you were laughing together as if you hadn’t just said you would possibly sleep with him.  He motioned for you to take a seat, obliging him you walked around and sat on one of the cushions on the floor behind the table. He followed suit but took up the bottle of wine that was off to the side in an ice bucket.

  “Wine?”

  Nodding, you continued to look around as he filled your glass. He couldn’t help wondering what you were thinking, couldn’t help replaying your words from mere seconds ago. He knew you were kidding, but did he know you were kidding.

  “She was probably being truthful.”

  “Since I know you didn’t have dinner, I know you’re hungry.”

  “Starving, Evans. Feed me, please.” He laughed as he went into the insulated bags that were in the corner. He took out container after container filled with appetizers, salad, main course, and extras.

  “My God, where did all this come from?”

  “One of my favorite restaurants in Boston. Everything they make is good. I’ve had everything on the menu.”

  “Did you get everything on the menu?”

  “Maybe. I know you love tacos and burritos and nachos and all the os, and spaghetti but I got to thinking what else do you like so. Voila, we’re having a bit of everything.”

  When he was done, there were easily twenty containers that decorated the table. You snorted and laughed loudly again.

  “Wow, that’s one way to get answers.”

  “All right. So over here are appetizers, these are salads, and here are all the entrees. Pick what’s first.”

  You ran your fingers over the tops of a few containers he’d shown were appetizers, then pointed to one that was furthest away. Opening it, he held it out to you. Your face lit up as you took up a piece up with your fingers. He smiled, loving you didn’t bother with utensils.

  “What is it?”

  He looked at the lid and read the table.

  “Lettuce cups, they’re filled with oyster and pickled vegetables with a chipotle sauce.”

  You bit it chewed then nodded your approval.

  “Not bad.”

  “Is it a like or nah?”

  “Eh—I’m not big on oysters. I’ll cook them, but eating them is another thing.”

  “They say oysters are an aphrodisiac.” He had no idea why that came out, but your amusement was evident.

  “They do say that. Have at it, tell me if you agree.”

  He ate his lettuce cup with you watching him. After a few seconds, he felt no different.

  “Guess not,” he answered. You scoffed but didn’t look convinced. He picked the next container and read its contents.

  “Crab cocktail.”

 “Yay, I love crab,” you chirped as you took one and happily gobbled it down.

  “I like crab too, any seafood really.” You took another while pointing to the next container.

  “Avocado salad.”

  “Another favorite, I love eating and cooking with Avocado,” you informed.

  You ate a few forkfuls of the salad, as did he. The two of you went back and forth picking different containers then enjoying the different types of foods. There was a wide variety, seafood, various meats, textures, and flavors. You heartily ate and didn’t seem to care how you ate or how much you ate. He hated when women ate like they weren’t hungry all for the benefit of men. You didn’t care what he thought, and he was grateful for it.

  After almost an hour, all the containers had been opened and consumed, and you sat there, sipping your glass of wine laughing at his jokes.

  “No lie, ask Scott, that is exactly how it happened.”

  You pinched your lips and slapped your hand over your mouth to quiet the snort that escaped you.

  “Sounds like the perfect situation to scare you straight.”

  He laughed and nodded. “I was scared for a long time.” You laughed louder, and he just sat there nodding.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you, just—wow.”

  “No, by all means, I was an idiot kid.” You smiled and finished your glass.

  “Have room for dessert?”

  “Oh my god, Chris are you trying to get me fat? This was easily twenty-five hundred calories, not including those two bottles of wine.”

  “I never took you as  a woman who counted calories.”

  “Oh, what woman did you take me as then?”

  He shrugged and smiled to himself and took another sip from his glass.

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit, that little smirk spoke volumes. Go on, tell me.”

  He shrugged again, then finished the glass. “I don’t know, maybe one who did what she wanted when she wanted no matter what.” You shimmied your shoulders as you made a face as if you were thinking.

  “Well--,” you stretched out. “I wouldn’t say you’re right, and I wouldn’t say you’re wrong,” you answered.

  “So you are that woman then.”

  “When I want to be.”

  “Well, Vixen. Do you want to be; here right now?”

  It was a question with double meaning. He was curious how you’d respond. He watched your tongue slowly dance across your bottom lip before you sucked it into your mouth.

  “Dessert it is.”

  With a smile, he stood and cleared the containers away, putting them in the trash bag in the corner. He walked around to you, held his hands out and waited for you to take it. He didn’t have to wait long before you placed your smaller hands within his larger ones. He led you out the cabin down the boardwalk, but only halfway, then he stopped.

  “What?”

  “Do you trust me?” Your eyes bugged out as confusion knitted your brows together. You looked at him incredulously.

  “What?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “What? Why? What are you about to do?”

  “Give you dessert, but you have to trust me.”

  You stared at him, and he could see the ill trust shining through your eyes, you looked conflicted as if you wanted to say something, but something held you back.

  “Trust is a funny thing with me, Chris,” you began. He nodded, fully understanding what you meant and how you felt.

  “I understand completely. So I’ll modify, tonight, do you trust me?” You gazed into his eyes for a few moments then nodded your head. He had to earn your trust; he knew it.

  “Okay, thank you.” He sat at the edge of the boardwalk and slid into the waiting canoe. It was a fluid motion for him; he’d done it tens of times. When he turned to you, your eyes were as wide as saucers. He held his hand out to you.

  “What the fuck?”

Laughing, he steadied the vessel and waited for you to take his hand. After almost a minute you took it.

  “Do what I just did, I’ll do the rest.”

  “Oh my god, are you going to pull me into the lake, Chris?”

  “No, I promise.” You took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the boardwalk just as he did. Just as he was about to take over, you stiffened and held your other hand out to his chest.

  “Wait.” Stopping, he looked at you.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to fall in.”

  “You can swim, it’s no big deal either way.”

  “No big deal? Chris, this took hours to accomplish,” you explained, gesturing to your figure from head to toe. “If I fall in, it’ll be ruined.” He smiled. It was sweet you’d put so much effort into the way you looked tonight, and it was sweet you even wanted to.

  “As I said, no big deal. You’ll still be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in my life.”

  The air became thick, and the moment heavy. You sighed softly then took his other hand, quickly he pulled you into the canoe pressing you against his body as his arms engulfed you. Your soft gasp was cut short by the force of how your bodies met. Slowly you looked up into his eyes, and he had to fight the urge to kiss you. He brushed the back of his hand across your cheek then cupped your jaw.

  “Dessert better be mind blowing.” He smiled, nodded, and set you on one of the benches in the canoe. He untied the rope and pushed off from the boardwalk.

  “I promise it’ll be to die for.”

  He rowed further out to the lake. The setting sun cast a warm glow in the water, and you just marveled at it.

  “Wow. How the hell do you leave this?”

  “It’s hard, especially when I think what’s waiting for me back in LA. The only comfort is knowing I will be back. I spend maybe three to four months in LA, usually when working; otherwise, I’m here—home.”

  Your eyes fell to his, and that is where they stayed while he continued to row the boat. As you rowed in silence just enjoying the sounds of the paddle hitting the water and pushing through it and the trees rustling in the gentle breeze he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Underneath the sunset here in the lake close to his home he’d never wanted to keep things the same as much as right now. If he could he’d press this moment, sealing it forever.

  When he stopped, he took the two containers from underneath his bench and held one out to you. When you opened it you smiled widely.

  “You look like you’re a cheesecake woman,” he theorized. You nodded.

  “I am. How’d you know?”

  “I remember the two of us buying and finishing an entire cheesecake after we got married.”

  You looked down and took a piece of the cake and began eating. “You then called room service for apple pie and drizzled a diabetic shock amount of caramel sauce all over it,” you added. He cut into his dessert and held up the forkful of apple pie drizzled with caramel. You snorted and laughed.

  “Some things never change,” he voiced.

  The two of you ate in silence for a few moments.

  “How long did it take for all of it to come back?”

  “About a week,” he informed. You nodded.

  “A few days for me.”

  “You know as far as weddings go, I think it was a good one,” he admitted. The two of you sat in silence and thought back to the night.

  “Eh—I guess it was all right.” You smiled at him, and it was a smile that hid so much. He pulled out the bottle of wine and poured a glass for you then himself.

  “What should we drink too?”

  He thought for a moment, then looked to the sky and smirked.

  “Sunsets.”

  “Sunsets?” He nodded.

  “I see sunsets as a sign of the beginning of something new. A lot of people see it as an ending, but I see an opportunity to start something fresh, new—something better.”

  You looked at him from underneath your eyelids, and you looked just like how Ariel did with Eric.

  “So—sunsets.”

  “Sunsets,” he repeated. Your glasses clinked together then you drank still peering at each other.

  After enjoying the final remnants of the setting sun, the lake turned dark. The only light was that of the lanterns on the boardwalk and those in the trees that framed the cabin. It was more than enough to see you clearly.

  “Remember what you said in LA when your parents found out about Ella and me? You said you hid Ella because you were hurt.”

  Your eyes dropped.

  “What did you mean by that?”

  “Let’s not go there, Chris. Let’s just—stay present.”

  “My mom always says that you can’t move forward until you address the past. I want to move forward, Vixen. Any way we can.”

  You studied him for a few long moments, then took a deep breath and let it out.

  “Uuugh. Um--,” you stuttered.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “Fine, yes. It is so easy in situations as those for someone to get hurt. Did I get hurt? Maybe—yes.

  He nodded and toyed with his glass. You averted your eyes and looked around the lake. The tension between you rose. As he looked at you, his mind went back to the last night with you. Somehow it felt like full circle. He went over every detail then he saw it. The one thing he’d regretted this entire time. The one thing he’d been running from facing.

  “Vixen, I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Your face was blank as you took another sip from your glass, the cheesecake was long gone.

  “I was the world’s biggest and worst asshole three years ago.” You were lowering the glass from your lips when he said the words, but you lifted it again and finished the drink on one breath.

  “I said something to you--.” Your voice interrupted him “

  “Chris, you don’t--.”

  “Yes, I do. Please.” You reached for the bottle and refilled your glass then took another sip.

  “I said something to you that I am ashamed of, something that I have run from and deeply regretted every day for the last three years. I don’t even know where to start to--,” he sighed, closed his eyes, and tried to find the words he’d wished he’d been brave enough to say before.

  “The guy I was then—” he shook his head remembering all his younger antics. “I was a dick. I was self-absorbed, I knew women wanted me and would do just about anything for a taste of the lifestyle I’d been thrown into, and I let it get to me. I fell in that lifestyle headfirst. I became the douche brothers tell their sisters to stay away from. I slept around--a lot. I woke up to a different woman every week. I lived for the next party, the next pretty face, and the next movie. It was always about what was next. Settling down, sticking with one person was a nightmare then, I didn’t think I was ready. There was still too much I thought I wanted to do.” He took a breath; your eyes were on him, but he couldn’t read you. It was like you’d shut down and become android like.

  “I saw you that night, and you froze me, no lie. I didn’t expect that or everything else that happened that night. I didn’t expect the effortless conversation or the smooth way we grooved together. I didn’t expect to tell you everything I did, or feel so good with you, so effortless. The night at my house was great. It is easily one of the best nights of my life. What I said to you was wrong on so many levels, it was insensitive, disrespectful, rude and a bunch of other words I’m going to let you fill in. I didn’t think how it would make you feel, how it came across, how it sounded, I didn’t think at all. I’m sorry, Vixen. I am very sorry.”

  You didn’t speak or look away from him. He wasn’t sure you’d respond, and he intended to give you all the time you needed to process. As a few seconds, turned to a minute and a minute to a minute and a half, then two, he began to lose his nerve.

  “The insanely ridiculous thing is that what I said couldn’t have been further from the truth. I didn’t even realize it until I came back out of the bathroom and saw you were gone. It hit me that I was an idiot,” he rushed out.

  Silence fell between you again, and this time, he decided he wouldn’t speak again until you did. A soft melodious hum sounded, he looked down and saw your finger slowly rotating the rim of the glass. He remembered you doing this the night you met. He showed you his secret talent, and you showed him this. You switched fingers to your pinky, and the sound became higher pitched but still beautiful.

  Suddenly you stopped then sighed.

  “Okay.”

  “O—okay?”

  “Yeah. Okay. I’m done holding on to that. Thank you for apologizing.”

  “I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

  You hesitated for a moment then spoke. “I forgive you.” Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, he smiled. It was a smile you returned.

  Slowly but surely, his body drifted to yours, and unless he was crazy yours drifted to his as well.

  “I have something I have to tell you,” he began with a whisper.

  “What?”

  Your faces continued to drift closer and closer. As he opened his mouth to tell you about the marriage, one of the ores fell into the water. You tried to reach for it but leaned a little too quickly, and the canoe rocked. In the blink of an eye, you screeched and tumbled over into the lake. When you came up your eyes were huge.

  “Oh my god! Chris! I told you my ass would fall in. Look!”

  He didn’t mean to laugh, but he did, and it wasn’t a small one either. It was a gut-busting one.  Your jaw dropped.

  “Oh my god, are you laughing at me!?”

  He shook his head as he tried to catch his breath, but every time he tried to stop laughing, a fresh wave began. You screeched and slapped the water. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing. Come on let me help you.” He reached over for your hand. You pulled him into the lake headfirst. When he reemerged you were cackling and not even trying to hide it.

  “Wow, that was petty.”

  “Then call me queen petty because that was funny.” You laughed some more as he came closer and splashed you in the face with a big wave of water. Your shocked expression made him laugh until you pushed your own wave of water in his face. That began the water fight. You each splashed, screamed, laughed and played in the water. He felt like a kid again, felt like he had no care in the world. Slowly the two of you stopped splashing. He drifted closer and brushed back your hair from your forehead.

  “See, told you,” he began.

  “Told me what?”

  “You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” You smiled small at first, but it spread across your face until you hid it behind your hand.

  “Whatever, Evans.”

  The two of you swam back to the boardwalk. Once there, he hoisted himself up and onto the wood, then he reached into the water for you.

  “Come on. It’s warmer inside.” He led the way back to the cabin. Once inside, he closed the door and went for the small solar-powered space heater he kept in there until he brought over one of the blankets and wrapped it around you.

  When the two of you sat in front of the heater, you offered him some of the blanket. Soon you were huddled together sitting in silence. It wasn’t an awkward one either. It felt as natural as breathing.

  “Why did you stay at your house if you saw that night everywhere?”

  He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He wondered if he could be this open with you. Half of him wanted to, but the other half was afraid. He knew he was in love with you, knew he wanted you without a doubt, but your feelings were still unknown. He didn’t know if he could be this vulnerable, then have you pull away.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you added.

  “In the beginning, I used it as a way to punish myself. I knew I’d messed up and regretted it. As time went on and years did I used it as a way to remember,” he admitted.

  “Remember what?” He looked at you and skimmed your face.

  “You—us.” Your eyes met his, and he knew this was the moment that would dictate everything moving forward. He decided to go for it. Closing the space between you, his lips met yours for a soft peck which turned into another, then another until it turned into a timid kiss, one he could feel your hesitation in.

  “We can’t,” you whispered in the middle of the kiss. His forehead pressed to yours.

  “Why not?” He kissed the corner of your mouth, then your cheek and your jaw. He loved your skin.

  “Because Ella. Our daughter.” Your eyes were closed.

  “So it’s not because you don’t want to? Don’t want me?”

  He had to know once and for all.

  “Do you want me?” Your counter question had him pulling back but only a little, and enough to look into your eyes. His hand cupped your cheek, making you look at him.

  “Vixen, you know I want you. How can I not? Jesus, I’ve wanted you for three years.”

  The shock on your face was evident. Your lips crashed to his taking lead of a passion-filled kiss, one that stole almost every ounce of his control leaving him with only a tiny sliver. As he was about to deepen the kiss you pulled back.

  “Mmm, No. God, Chris. There is a difference between wanting me and wanting this from me,” you expressed. He knew what you meant.

  “I know there is. I know the difference. I don’t want this Vixen. I want you.”

Needing you to take the lead, he waited. When your lips met, the kiss was a soft, sensual rapture. Slowly your lips danced, teasing one another, daring each other to let go and have everything they wanted. He didn’t want to think about anything else, not what he should do, or shouldn’t do, not the future. He just wanted to think about you and him right now.

  The kiss intensified, and your moan was the first to escape between you. It coaxed his free until the two of you were moaning and relishing in the feel of the beginning of your desire for each other. After several long minutes you slowly fell to your back atop the blankets and stared up at him. He held his breath afraid you’d pull away; instead you grabbed his shirt and pulled him on top of you to continue the kiss. That was what he needed for his confidence to take flight. His hand gripped your calf and slid up your leg to the hem of the wet dress.

  “You’re shaking,” you whispered. His embarrassment shone on him with his blush. He looked down to his hands that were, in fact shaking.

  “I am.”

  “Are you cold?” He shook his head, then met your eyes.

  “No, not cold.” The moment stretched with you staring at him. He wondered if you understood. You raised his hand to your lips and placed a soft kiss across his knuckles. Using the same hand, he caressed your cheek, down to your jaw, then chin. Using his thumb to softly rub across your bottom lip, he then dipped it inside. You kissed his thumb and never took your eyes off his.

  “God, she drives me crazy.”

  Your lips met again, but the heat he felt inward crept out as he took control of the frenzied kiss. When he felt your legs part for him he comfortably settled between them and pressed himself against you. You gasped and angled your head back, giving him the leeway he needed to taste your skin. He kissed, licked and sucked your neck as his hand found yours to entwine with. You pulled your hand away to grip the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head. The material dropped to the wooden floor with a wet “splat.”

  Your hands were on his chest in seconds, and you slowly took him in. He sat up and allowed you to get your fill. Slowly your hands roamed across his chest, down his abdomen and back again.

  “Is it the way you remember?” You smirked and shook your head.

  “A lot has changed.” He smiled then lowered to kiss you again. You had lips that needed kissing and kissing often. Your hands at his waist surprised him. When he felt you undoing his belt and pants he nearly lost it. Until this morning, this was just a dream or a nightmare of his. He’d envisioned this so many times over the years, and every time he thought of it he wanted it, but he didn’t feel as if he deserved it.

  Your small hands began to urgently pull at his pants. Lifting off his knees he helped you get them off. Once they were at his thighs he broke the kiss, stood, and pulled them off kicking them to the side. You gazed up at him with half lazy eyes, and he’d never wanted anyone more.

  “Come here.” You sat up as he dropped to his knees and claimed his lips. You rolled him onto his back and sat on his need. His groan was more forceful than he intended, and it rivaled your moan. Just like that, his need for your rose exponentially. His hands gripped your back then trailed to your hips. Once there he squeezed and got lost in the feel of your full hips in his hands.

  When your lips left his and trailed to his neck, your hips began rotating making his need pulsate even more. Your moan said you felt it, and the way your rotations picked up speed said you wanted more. His fingers found the zipper of your dress, and he slowly lowered it as he did, the material loosened on your body. You sat up bit your bottom lip then slipped the straps off your shoulders revealing your bare breasts to him for the first time in years. A stronger man would have laid there marveling at your beauty and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but he was not strong anymore. He had you the woman of his dreams—and nightmares in his arms, and he was filled with more wants than he’d ever had in his life.

  Sitting up, he cupped your breast and latched his mouth to one pert nipple. As he did you hugged his head to your chest and arched back. Your moans were like music to his ears, and the louder you got, the more he needed to hear them. Switching to the other he lapped at your flesh and moaned his pleasure. He rolled you onto your back and pressed your hands above your head. The new angle had your breasts poked out for him like they were offerings—offerings he happily accepted adding soft nibbles to your stiff peaks.

  “Mmm, Chris!”

  Slowly he kissed down the center of your body to your stomach, where he pulled the rest of your dress off. Once he made it to your pelvis he slowly pulled your underwear lower until he saw the tattoo he remembered, the tattoo that was part of his nightly haunting. He dropped a soft kiss to the design then pulled the remainder of the fabric from your body. With you fully bare before him, he thought you looked like a goddess.

  He parted your legs and wasted no time dipping his tongue to your sex. At the first touch, you arched your back and gasped loudly. He’d intended to tease you and go slow, but your reaction made it impossible. His tongue had a mind of its own. He flicked and sucked at your bud getting lost in your taste. He was a thirsty man, and your juices were the only thing that could satiate him. With every pass his tongue made you writhed and moaned. When he sucked your flesh into his mouth your thighs clenched together, trapping his head where it was. Feeding off of your pleasure he sped his tongue. You were soon bucking and riding his mouth as your hands gripped his head.

  “Fuck, Chris, yes, yes!” When he felt the gush of fluid into his mouth, he slurped at your skin and kept your sex firmly on his mouth though you tried to push his head away and pull yourself free. He wasn’t having it.

  “Shit,” you stretched out as your body convulsed.

  It was then he tore his lips from yours. When he looked down at you he watched you shake loving the way your breast jiggled and how hard you bit your lip. When your eyes met his, the fire he saw there matched every flame he felt within. He felt your hand grip his length as your eyes fell to his protruding need as it rested on your pubis. Your mouth fell open looking at the part of him he wondered if you had forgotten. He wondered often if you ever thought of him, of it, and touched yourself. Did you ever imagine him on top of you—inside of you.

  You positioned him right at your opening, but both of you were frozen as if taking in the moment. He moved forward, intentionally nudging your wet bud with the tip of his dick. You moaned and rolled your eyes back. It was a beautiful sight, so beautiful he did it again and again. On the fourth buck of his hips, he slowly slid inside your heat. At the first touch your eyes flew open, latched onto his, and your mouth opened.

  Every centimeter he slid in, he felt as if your body both accepted and rejected him. You were tighter than he remembered, and he nearly lost his mind because of it. After sinking halfway into you he pulled back to sink in again, feeding you more and more of him each dip. Once he was fully sheathed, you clung to him while your core squeezed him, sucking him in deeper.

  “Fuck, Vixen!”

  Of their own accord, his hips began a slow pace that quickly picked up, creating a steady rock that stretched you. Your moans egged him on and made him want more and more of you. The more he wanted, the faster his hips thrust, the faster his hips thrust, the deeper he plowed. It didn’t take long for your moans and grunts to compete against each other and bounce off the walls of the cabin. Your eyes locked onto his and held him captivated.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

  Dipping down, he kissed you as your bodies collided together taking everything the other offered and giving even more in return. When he felt you clench around him for the third time he almost claimed his release, but he wanted too much and didn’t want it to end. He wanted to stay nestled deep inside you for the rest of his life.

  “Chris!” Your high-pitched moan brought him out of his head. Your hand latched onto his jaw. He kissed your palm and felt his release quickly approaching. The sight of your bodies connecting was enough to drive him mad. The way your body accepted him was a thing of beauty, and the way you responded to him was pure magic. It had never been like this with anyone—just you.

  “Vixen!” That was his only warning as his release claimed him, and he released himself deep inside you. His body shook from the power of it. his grunts fell from him one after the other. Dropping his head onto your shoulder he could barely catch his breath. Holding you tightly, he rolled taking you with him allowing you to lay across his chest. Slowly your bodies stopped shaking, and your breathing evened out. Soon all there was to hear was just nature all around you, but he’d already pressed to memory the sound of you shouting his name as you came. It was a sound he was already addicted to, a sound he knew would haunt him, as would his love for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[bedeliainwonderland]

I understand disliking a character..but you realize anything that happens to bedelia in context of the show is driven by hannibal, right? the man you ship her with? the stinger, her fear, all that necessitates her self preservation is instigated by hannibal. the show frequently did a disservice to its female chars, but hannibal was the tool they used to do it. denying that and then shipping him w/ your fav only to turn it around on another char seems...hypocritical.

Ahh yes, some good ol’ anon hate, I missed that. Honestly, perfect timing, I am having the worst of times and getting to talk about my favs literally saved my day. So thanks!

First of all, Bedelia and Hannibal are a canon ship, whether you like it or not, so let’s get that out of the way (as opposite to certain other ship but that is a whole other thing). I merely fill in the blanks of what the show failed to provide because, for some inexplicable reason, the show named “Hannibal” was centered on a character named Will and every other character (especially the female characters) served only to further his “man pain”. But I digress, that is surely not why you chose to hide behind that grey square.

I don’t know whether you follow me or just saw that one reblog (which ironically weren’t even my words but I stand fully behind everything said), but I have already spoken about this extensively. Every day, really. I find it hard to understand how something is hypocritical when it is based on canon information. I am not denying anything. So here we go, under the cut, because I have a LOT to say:

The stinger- oh god, you all know how much I hate it. First of all, there is no proof that Hannibal is involved, we don’t know who is involved, that is kinda the point of a cliff hanger. We don’t even know if it’s real. But it’s absolutely pointless and makes no sense! It was quite literally Fuller wanting to do something “shocking” to finish off the series without any regard to continuity or characterisation. It was supposed to be shocking and look aesthetically pleasing, that’s it, no logic. It is as if he looked at the character list and thought “hmm, which female character is yet to be hurt? Oh right, Bedelia!” The so called “punishing Bedelia” as the fandom loved so very much is mere misogyny. Why can’t a female character do something morally questionable or even plain evil and get away with it? Because Will didn’t that is why. If she were a man, no one would scream for “she has it coming”, no, he would be uwu baby.

Having Hannibal involved in that would be completely out of character and contradictory to all their previous interactions/ their relationship. So let’s expand, shall we?

When we first see Bedelia and Hannibal, it is mentioned that she has been his psychiatrist for 7 years. 7 YEARS, let that sink in. No one, NO ONE, has been in Hannibal’s life for such a long time. It is clear she means a lot to him. If she didn’t, he had plenty of chances to kill her. It is established she is a loner, so it would so easy for Hannibal to dispose of her and claim “she left to UK” or something, like he did with his secretary. But he didn’t because he cares for her and she is important to him. He literally says he feels protective of her. Every session, you can see how much he needs her approval and how he hangs on her every word. How hurt he was when she said she wasn’t his friend (and yet he did nothing). How enamoured he is with her. When he comes to bring her dinner in Savoureaux, the dish included roses! Such a romantic.

Hannibal knew Bedelia was similar to him that is why he set up the whole Neil incident; he wanted to make sure she is. Do note that Bedelia wasn’t ever in danger, since Hannibal was there to step in if needed. But here is what I’ve found interesting; Bedelia killed someone, proving Hannibal’s hunch right, but she refused to fully acknowledge that part of herself. And Hannibal let her withdraw, doing nothing (as in not killing her, as I’m sure he had done many times with unsuccessful “candidates”) merely securing her continuous therapy. Because she was more than just another experiment to him.

And Bedelia isn’t so innocent in other aspects as well. She knows, yet she purposely evades the truth while talking to the FBI (“Will could use friends like Hannibal” ha!) under the cover of patient/ doctor confidentiality and even warns Hannibal directly (“they are starting to see your pattern). I have had my fair share of “Bedelia doesn’t care for Hannibal” posts and nothing could be further from the truth. If she hadn’t cared, she would not have done any of that.

But then of course, Hannibal’s game goes one step too far and he gives her the written permission to discuss him with the FBI. This is bad for Bedelia because it puts her under the scrutiny as well and that is not where she wants to be. Bedelia’s self-preservation always comes first (both Bedelia and Hannibal are egocentric by nature). Yet, she still comes to say goodbye to him and he lets her go! The script described Hannibal’s reaction to her words as “imperceivable wound”. “But he then went to kill her!” I hear you say? *Thor’s gif* Did he though? If he wanted to kill her, he would have done it then and there. No, he went to check if she were really gone (again, script) and whether she betrayed him. That was his only concern (betrayal is a big thing with Hannibal), but she didn’t. She even left him a memento. It said it was a memento of friendship, I think it was a “see you later” card.

This is getting super long, so let’s quickly skip to Florence. Bedelia left with Hannibal, knowing exactly who he was. Unlike other (all of them, actually) characters, she did not reject him/ was scared of him. “You let them see you/ I let them see enough” exchange says it all. She is not surprised by him or shocked by what he is; she is merely stating the facts. She has long accepted him in full. They lived together in Florence, openly behind the so called veil, as fake husband and wife, but the wedding rings remained intact even at home (showing how important it was to them, not just a front), displaying a ridiculous amount of domesticity and intimacy. This deserves a whole separate post but I am trying to be brief(er). “But she was scared!” you might shout again, except that she wasn’t. Even if Antipasto purposely played with the ambiguity of her situation for suspense purposes, the following episodes made it clear she was exactly where she wanted to be, from the very start, on her own terms as Hannibal’s equal. We were obviously misled by the promos, they promised us a Bedelia and Hannibal show and what we got was, well, you know… And that is yet another post altogether.

Now to the glorious farewell, boy, do I love to talk about that. Bedelia packs Hannibal’s bags and tells him to leave, and he does! What more, he promises to tell her story. HER STORY. Now, that is a major thing, because Hannibal has never ever done that for anyone. He always turns other people’s stories into his own, manipulating and adjusting accordingly. But with Bedelia, he simply agrees to do it, on her own terms. Not only that, he is visibly impressed and enamoured by her. Again, if he wanted to kill her, he could have just killed her then. He was going to get caught anyway, what is one more murder? All this “he waited until he could eat her” story makes no sense at all, since as it was already mentioned, he knew her for almost a decade, plenty of time to eat her if he wanted to. He lets her go because he wants to. Because he cares for her.

The point I have made several times is that Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal treats as, well, a person! Everyone else is beneath him, meat only if you will, but not her. Even the ever so special (apparently) Will and Abigail aren’t treated as “people”. Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal respects; that is what makes her so special. Not love (even though he obviously loves her), because respect is rarer for Hannibal than love. Sure, he “loves” Will, the same way you love your favourite book. You want to have it and you don’t want anyone else to have it, but you don’t expect the book to return your feelings. Bedelia is Hannibal’s only equal.

The Red Dragon arc was a mess of epic proportions so I don’t even want to get into that. But I do appreciate the acknowledgement of Bedelia’s darker side and now she has become comfortable with it since Florence. Let’s make a few notes so it doesn’t look as if I am purposely omitting things: Hannibal’s letters to Bedelia? Clearly a part of his “telling her story” and helping her cover, plus he was not able to send her proper letters, so that is his way of telling her he thinks of her. Sessions with Will? You can’t really take everything she told him at face value, she is obfuscating after all. Why would she be honest with Will? She wouldn’t be, she was just continuing what Hannibal has started with much better results (slightly too good actually, as proven by Will’s stupid plan). Bedelia wasn’t afraid Hannibal would come after her, because she had no reasons to be. NONE. She was protected by him.

So there you have it, the great many reasons why I am so unapologetic in my shipping. Because it is all there. Thank you for reminding me why I love these two so much! Have a great day, maybe next time you can message me off anon.

(And thanks to all who got to the end of this almost dissertation, this is my testament, I love you all fellow bedannibal fans!)