#test prep market

[namanrohilla]

A Global Gateway to Success: The $46 Billion Test Prep Market and Its Bright Future

The test prep market is a dynamic and ever-growing sector, fueled by a confluence of factors related to education and career aspirations. This blog delves into the current state of the market, analyzing its market size, key segments, growth drivers, and the exciting trends shaping the future of test preparation for students worldwide.

A Market on the Rise: Global Growth and Expansion

The global test preparation market size is estimated to reach a staggering USD 46.87 billion by 2027, with a projected CAGR exceeding 6.8%. This steady growth signifies the increasing importance placed on standardized tests and professional certifications for academic and professional success.

Factors Fueling the Growth Engine: Why Test Prep Matters

Several key drivers are propelling the growth of the global test prep market:

Growing Demand for Higher Education: In today's globalized world, a higher education degree is often seen as a prerequisite for career advancement. This rising aspiration, particularly in developing nations, leads to a larger pool of students requiring test preparation for competitive university entrance exams.

Intensified Competition for Limited Seats: Prestigious universities and graduate programs have limited seats available. This fierce competition fuels the demand for test prep resources that can give students an edge in securing admission.

Shifting Job Market: The job market is constantly evolving, and many professions now require specialized skills and knowledge verified through professional certifications. This necessitates dedicated test prep solutions to help individuals pass these entrance exams and secure coveted certifications.

Technological Advancements: The rise of online learning platforms and mobile applications has revolutionized how students access test prep resources. These platforms offer greater flexibility, convenience, and accessibility compared to traditional classroom-based learning.

Market Segmentation: Catering to Diverse Needs

The market caters to a wide range of test preparation needs, offering targeted solutions for various student demographics and exam types:

Test Types:

Standardized Tests: SAT, ACT, GRE, GMAT, TOEFL, IELTS (for international student admissions)

Professional Certifications: Bar exams, Medical licensing exams, Accounting certifications

Entrance Exams: Specific universities, graduate programs, or government jobs

Delivery Channels:

Offline Coaching Institutes: Traditional classroom instruction led by experienced teachers remains a popular choice, offering a structured learning environment and personalized guidance.

Online Learning Platforms: This rapidly growing segment provides students with flexibility and accessibility through video lectures, practice tests, interactive learning tools, and the convenience of learning from anywhere, anytime.

Hybrid Model: Combining the benefits of both offline and online approaches, this model offers a comprehensive learning experience that caters to diverse learning styles.

Key Trends and Innovations

The test prep market is constantly innovating to cater to the dynamic needs of students. Here are some key trends shaping the future of test preparation:

Personalized Learning: Adaptive learning platforms and AI-powered tools are revolutionizing test prep. These platforms can tailor study plans and practice questions to individual strengths and weaknesses, maximizing learning efficiency and effectiveness.

Focus on Soft Skills: Modern test prep goes beyond just content knowledge. It integrates test-taking strategies, stress-management techniques, and time-management skills to equip students with the holistic skills necessary to perform at their best on exam day.

Content Diversification: Recognizing the global nature of the student population, test prep providers are increasingly developing test prep materials in multiple languages. This ensures that students from diverse backgrounds have access to high-quality resources in their native language, removing language barriers to success.

Gamification & Interactive Learning: The incorporation of game mechanics like points, badges, and leaderboards, along with interactive learning elements, is making test prep more engaging and motivating for students. This approach can improve knowledge retention and make the learning process more enjoyable.

Challenges and Considerations

Despite its remarkable growth, the test preparation market faces some challenges that demand solutions:

Market Saturation: The increasingly competitive landscape can be challenging for new entrants. Standing out requires innovative approaches, niche specializations, and a clear value proposition.

Quality Control: Ensuring the accuracy, effectiveness, and up-to-date nature of test prep materials across diverse providers remains a concern. Robust quality control mechanisms are necessary to protect students from misleading or outdated information.

Affordability: The cost of premium test prep services can create an accessibility barrier for some students, particularly from underprivileged backgrounds. Finding ways to make quality test prep more affordable or offering scholarships can help bridge this gap.

The Road Ahead: A Brighter Future for Test Preparation

The test prep market is positioned for continued growth as student aspirations and career demands evolve. By embracing technology for personalized learning, focusing on soft skills development, and developing affordable and accessible solutions, stakeholders can empower students globally to achieve their academic and professional goals. Here are some additional insights into the future of test prep:

Collaboration is Key: Partnerships between educational institutions, test prep providers, and technology companies can create a more robust ecosystem. This collaboration can lead to the development of innovative learning tools, and standardized quality control measures, and scholarship programs to ensure wider access to high-quality test prep resources.

Data Analytics for Improvement: Leveraging data analytics from test prep platforms provides valuable insights into student performance, learning patterns, and areas requiring improvement. This data can be used by educators and content developers to personalize learning experiences, tailor study materials, and ultimately improve learning outcomes for all students.

Focus on Mental Well-being: Recognizing the mental health concerns associated with high-pressure exams, and incorporating stress management techniques and mental health support services into test prep programs is crucial. This holistic approach can help students maintain emotional well-being while preparing for critical exams.

Conclusion

The test preparation market plays a vital role in helping students bridge the gap between aspirations and achievements. By addressing existing challenges, embracing innovation, and promoting accessibility, stakeholders can ensure that test prep becomes a valuable tool for success, not a source of stress or exclusion. As Nelson Mandela said, "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."  By ensuring effective and accessible test prep resources are available, we can empower students to acquire the knowledge and skills they need to thrive in an increasingly competitive world.  The future of test prep is bright, with a focus on personalization, technology integration, and student well-being paving the way for a more inclusive and empowering learning experience that sets students on a path to success.

[nanaslutt]

so i just read like… ALL your gojo stuff.

now imagine… gojo not being able to hold back and wanting to breed you after you both try those aphrodisiac chocolates… ahem…

i am absolutely terrified of getting pregnant yet have the words most insufferable breeding kink, we exist

Contains: fem reader, aphrodisiacs, masturbation, no prep, spanking, rough sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink, multiple orgasms, SOOO much dirty talk, praise, so much cum.., whiped!gojo, established relationship

MDNI

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔

Gojo was talking soooo much shit when you sent him a link to some aphrodisiac chocolates you saw online. He would not stop dismissing that they didn’t actually work; saying none of that shit that advertised any kind of enhancement in sexual arousal ever did.

So of course you had to order the chocolates and really test it for yourselves, making a challenge out of it.

If the chocolates truly had an effect, gojo would do whatever you wanted, and if they didn’t? vice versa. Gojo was game, of course; because he didn’t think anything would happen.

“Bleh- they taste like shit too,” Satoru grimaced, chasing the horrible flavor with a strawberry soda.

“That’s probably because there’s something in them satoru…like the aphrodisiac…,” you shook you head, swallowing the bitter chocolate.

“Orrrr; crazy thought; it’s just some cheap chocolate marketed as aphrodisiacs to make a ton of money off of people like us.” he drawled, throwing his hands up in the air and waving them around when he spoke.

“I really thought you out of all people would find this kind of thing fun satoru.” you said, trying to push his buttons a bit.

“We’ll of course, chocolate and sex? I’m all over that,” he said making you laugh, “but me and suguru tried something like this for fun back in our student days, it was some kind of pill though,” his face twisted in discomfort as he spoke, “just ended up making us super sick tho, yaga got pissed, heh” he laughed, remembering the memory.

“Knowing you two it was probably some cheap boner pill you got in a sketchy bag at the convenience store.. so that might explain it.” you snorted,

He rubbed his big hand over the back of his neck, “yeah, there was like 5 other pills in the bag with it now that I think about it..” he said quietly, making you hunch over in a laugh.

The two of you went about your evening like normal, watching some comedy movie that was on and cuddling together on the sofa. When it ended you went off to change into something more comfortable as you started off to finished the laundry.

You haven’t felt anything extremely out of the ordinary yet; remembering that the package said it might take long for women to feel the affects; but gojo on the other hand was feeling mildly uncomfortable.

His face and neck were feeling warm, throughout the entire movie his big hand was placed on your upper thigh, like always. What was unusual though, was how his skin tingled when he placed it on yours, palms sweating more than usual; he just chalked it up to all the junk he had been eating throughout the day, probably upsetting his body.

When you moved back into the kitchen and started on the dishes the two of you had created in the sink, Gojo couldn’t help but hyper focus on the fat off your ass peeking out of your night shorts.

The way you moved your hips as some r&b music played quietly from the tv. He watched your muscles and tendons move together when you twisted your body around, watching your ankles cross; one behind the other; getting comfortable from where you stood.

Satoru was feeling hot all over now, a large hand coming down to grope himself over his pants when you bent over to put the dishes into the washer, poking out your clothed mound towards him, the fabric of your shorts squeezing your curves just right.

His jaw dropped slightly, breathing heavier as he got off on watching you do such a mundane task like the dishes.

You inserted the pod into the dishwasher, completely oblivious to satoru’s shenanigans as you stood up straight. You noticed when washing your hands that you were starting to feel a warmth washing over your body, and a sort of warm coil tightening in your tummy.

The lightbulb went off in your head when you realized it was probably the work of the chocolates. You quickly shut off the water, towel is hand as you whipped your head behind you to tell gojo what was happening to you; and to inform him that you were going to win this challenge.

Your motions were stopped short as you bumped straight into gojos chest, “Oh! Didn’t realize you were-“ Your words getting cut off when gojo grabbed the bottom of your face, bringing your lips to his, and kissing you hungrily.

Gojo used his other had to slide his arm around your body, pressing you hard into him, letting you feel his erection against your tummy.

He pushed his tongue into your mouth, swallowing your words that tried to excape, “Sa-mm- Satoru-“ you got out between kisses. Gojo shoved his knee between your legs, putting delicious pressure on your cunt as he kissed you like it was his last day on earth.

You had to grip his hair and pull his face off of you to speak, this didn’t really phase him as he targeted your neck instead, biting and sucking on the skin there, “Fuck- s-satoru slow down-“ you moaned when he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot.

“Cant, need you-“ he spoke in between his rushed love bites on your neck, moving his big hands to hold your hips as he made you rock your cunt back and forth along this thigh.

Your head was spinning a mild a minute, still trying to wrap your head around the current situation. You expected this to happen; being on the side of ‘pro aphrodisiacs and all; you just didn’t expect it to happen so soon, and for it to have such a strong effect on someone like Satoru.

“S-shit- those chocolates have you m-more worked up than me,” you tried to laugh, voice cut short by a moan when his knee nudged your clit at a particularly mouthwatering angle.

“Need to be inside you,” he ignored you, groaning against your pulse point, hot breath tickling your neck when he spoke.

Gojo was breathing so heavily, his cock feeling like it was about to rip a hole in his pants at how hard he was. “Take em off, now-“ he whimpered, referring to your bottoms as he started pulling them down your legs, panties following suit.

You helped him, gripping his hair and keeping his lips pressed against your neck while you kicked off your shorts off from around your ankles . His hands dropped down to remove his own sweats, too impatient to fully take them off as he pulled them down just enough for his cock to spring out, jerking himself off with one hand rapidly between you; hand holding your hip with his other.

“Let me put it in, please, need to be inside you now-“ he groaned, finally pulling back from your neck; and he looked absolutely wrecked.

This whole situation was giving you whiplash, but you felt bad for him. Satoru’s hands were shaking, face flushed completely crimson, and he was sweating and panting like he just ran a marathon.

He continued stroking his cock, eyes flirting between your pussy and your pretty lips while he waited for them to move, voicing your consent.

His cock was dripping so much pre it looked like he already came. Hard cock still dripping steadily onto his hand and fingers, making his strokes emit loud ‘plp’ sounds into the air.

“Yes, please, give it to me toru,” you spoke, making him let out a moan of satisfaction. You wrapped your arms around his neck when he lifted you suddenly, burring your hands in his hair and face in his neck as he slid his dick into you with zero prep, all at once.

You were greatful the aphrodisiac was in affect, making you so much wetter than normal, and in turn, making the stretch a whole less painful then it would’ve been without it.

You whined at how his massive clock split you in half effortlessly, “Sorry baby- m’ sorry-“ he apologized with a groan against your bruised neck; whatever consciousness he still had left being aware that that might’ve hurt you.

“Shit it’s o-okay toru, just give it to me- fuck-“ You tipped your head back, jaw dropping and releasing a loud whine, giving him more access to mark up your neck while he fucked into you like a mad man; legs dangling over his arms as he held you in his strong grasp, hoisting you up and down on his cock like you weighed nothing to him.

“Holy fuckkk” he whined, vibrations going through your skin, “Need to fill you up, need to fuck you full of my cum s-shit-“ Gojo was working himself up with his words, already on the brink of his orgasm only a couple thrusts in.

He was truly using you like a cocksleve as he fucked into you at an inhumane pace, heavy balls slapping against your ass, strings of your combined wetness connecting to your ass each time he thrusted inside.

He sucked harder against your skin as he felt his first high rapidly approach him. His eyes repeatedly rolling back in his skull at the rhythmic pulsing of your pussy around him.

“Shitshitshit- gonna c-cum, need you to take it all f’me” his deep voice reverberated through you, all you could do is cry and moan our strings of his name and “yesyesyes” while he fucked his first load of the night into you.

“T-take it f-fucking take it yessss” Gojo felt like he was on cloud nine, he had never felt anything like this before. Of course he loved cumming inside you when you had sex but this was different. Every neuron in his brain was telling him to fuck load after load into you; to get you pregnant.

Gojo didn’t actually want kids right now, and you were on the pill so the possibility of him actually knocking you up was low- but not if his aphrodisiac brain had anything to say about it; he would make sure to fucking try.

Ignoring the overstimulation he felt as he humped his cum into you with heavy thrusts, quickly picking up his speed again when he finished spurting the warm ropes of cum into you, making you squeal at his quick recovery.

“Pussy feels so fucking good, so fucking wet sh-itttt” he groaned, dick twitching and abs clenching as he fucked himself through the aftershocks of his orgasm, sending him straight twords another one.

“T-toru o-oh my god-“ you wimpered, body flopping around limply at the intense pleasure. His cock was drilling straight into your sweet spot and making you dizzy. You tried not to pass out as he manhandled your body, gripping you roughly and marking up your skin everywhere his insatiable lips could reach.

“Gonna knock you up baby- g-gunna give you my babies- get you fucking pregnant, yeah? you want that?” you cut off his filthy mouth by using the grip you had on his head to press his mouth against yours.

“Yesyesyes, give me your babies toru- gonna make you a daddy-“ he groaned into your mouth at your mutual need for him to fill you up.

Gojo felt drunk hearing the nickname bounce around inside his head. Gojo never thought he had a daddy kink, but in this scenario? The nickname had him feeling like he was about to come again already.

By this point, the aphrodisiac was affecting you just as much as it was him, everywhere his body touched yours felt like your skin was on fire. You tried not to lose your sanity as he was pushing your towards your first orgasm without so much as even grazing your clit.

He set you down on the ground and in one swift movement spun you around so you were facing the counter. Satoru used his massive had to grab hold of his cock, slipping it back into your drenched walls.

You both groaned in unison at the sensation. Gojo gave you both a couple seconds to relish in the feeling, pressing his balls hard against your ass before he picked up his same ruthless pace as before.

“Good fucking girl- gonna look so fucking pretty with ur belly all round with my baby shiiit” he groaned when he felt your cunt clench around him at the idea.

He brought his massive palm down feeling your cunt squeeze him, leaving a heavy spank against your ass and gripping the fat between his fingers.

“Pussy tryna fuckin’ milk me down here” he laughed, biting his lip when he watched your hand come down to rub your clit in quick circles, “Yeaahhh fucking touch your pussy for me baby, make urself cum all over my dick while i fill you up.” he instructed, clenching his jaw.

“Shit- g-give it to me daddy- cum inside me-” you mindlessly babbled, there you go again with that fucking nickname that had his balls tightening.

You feet the coil wind itself up quicker than normal at your enhanced sexual arousal from the chocolate and the now added stimulation of touching your neglected clit.

“Come with me baby, gotta feel you cum around me- please” he begged, leaving another loud slap against your ass before pulling you back on his dick roughly by your hips.

“S -shit it’s coming it’s coming i’m- fuckfuck- ngghhh” your warned, voice cutting out as you started to come around his girth while he fucked you through it.

“yeeeeeess baby- fuuuuck- milk my fucking cock fuck-“ he watched intently as your little hole clenched around him, his first load spurting out around his cock with the pressure of your orgasm, making the white ring around the base of his dick get even messier.

“I’m coming again baby- take it for me- need you to take it all, gotta make sure it t-takes” he whined, getting you pregnant still on the forfront of his brain.

Your legs would’ve collapsed on the floor if he wasn’t holding up a majority of your weight by your hips. Your nails slid against the marble as his cock rammed against your cervix, making you dizzy, broken moans getting forced out of your mouth at the feeling of getting repeatedly impaled on his cock.

You tried to gain a little bit of brainpower back to help gojo through his orgasm just like he did for you, “y-e-sss toru’ cum inside me please- i’ll take it all- be a good girl for you-“ your voice squeaked out, words getting louder at the end with how rough his thrusts were,

He leaned over your back, pressing his sweaty chest onto you while he wrapped you in a tight bear hug, not ceasing his ruthless hips, “Need you t-to kiss me baby- go-nna be instense” he whimpered against your shoulder, waiting for you to turn your head twords him to give him access to your mouth.

When you did he wasted no time in pressing his lips to yours. The two of you swallowed each others moans as his pitch got higher and higher; his tight grip was sure to leave dark bruises on your body as he held onto you for dear life at his impending orgasm.

When the coil finally snapped, he shook violently against you, hips stilling against your ass, pressing his hips as deep as he could into you while hot ropes of cum filled you up even more than his last load, making more cum spill out around him at how full you already were.

His breath was hitching into your mouth, lips doing their best to kiss you back as his jaw kept falling open as the waves of his high washed over him.

He whined and dropped his head against your shoulder when he started to come down. Gojo panted heavily against your skin, twitching in the aftershocks of his high.

“D-don’t move please” he requested, fucking his softening cock into you a couple more times to make sure his cum was as deep inside you as it could go.

“Fuck toru- feel so full right now..” you wined into the marble, wincing in overstimulation at his final few weak thrusts.

After a couple seconds he finally pulled out his cock, gulping hard as he watched his cum start to dribble out of you; making you whine at the slightly uncomfortable feeling.

He used a couple fingers to spread your pussy lips; admiring his work for a second before he used to fingers to scoop his cum back up, stuffing his thick digits back inside of you, “Gotta get that plug of yours to keep it all in,” he said, biting his lip at how soft you felt around his fingers.

“Or you could let me cockwarm you,” you giggled, turning your head back to look at him while he looked enthralled with your cunt.

“God I love you, smartest fucking girl I know.” he praised.

You fell into a fit of giggles when he scooped you up in his arms, peppering kisses onto your face while he headed twords your shared bedroom.

You wrapped your legs tightly around his waist while he walked, keeping them snug even when he dropped the two of you on the mattress together. Gojo’s large frame laying on top of you as he reached his hand down between you to slide his semi-hard cock back into your oversensitive walls, making you hiss at the feeling, “Sorry baby- almost in,” he promised, kissing your cheeks while he fully bottomed out.

He rolled his eyes at how warm and soft you felt around his dick, sucking soft hickeys into the crook of your neck while you pet his damp hair.

“I’ll clean you up in a second my love, promise, you just feel too good right now.” he let out a short laugh against you.

“‘S okay toru, makes me feel good too.” you tipped your head forward and pressed kisses onto the top of his scalp.

“We gotta be careful with those chocolates,” he laughed, “Might acctually knock you up one day if we keep eatin those,”

“That doesn’t sound half bad,” you confessed, squeezing your legs harder around his hips.

“Dangerous words to say right now pretty girl,” he warned, smirking into your skin,

“Oh right, guess you won the bet,” he remembered, “Whacha want ur big strong boyfriend to do for you?” he asked teasingly,

“Cum inside me again, right now,” you requested after a beat, emphasizing your need by squeezing your pussy walls around him, making him inhale a sharp breath between his teeth.

“Fuck… you serious?” he smirked, lifting his head to look at you.

“Don’t keep me waiting, give me my prize toru,” you pouted your bottom lip at him, making his brain short circuit as he felt his cock twitch back to life.

You ended up taking a plan B the next morning… just in case…

[villalunae]

im in such a utena mood right now i think anthy would not use nuclear war codes if she had them but would instead drop hints of incoming nuclear winter to nanami by messing with the plants in the birdcage and mentioning dead roses are often considered an omen of war (lie) so that nanami attempts to discredit her by looking up omens of war through a book miki lended her and instead finding out that all the crazy shit happening to her in the last few days (kangaroo showing up on campus was actually a political refugee, tsuwabuki prepping her cheat sheet for an upcoming test on the ramificiations of nagasaki and hiroshima, students gathering about television sets that before she can see what terrible news theyre watching someone says "turn something nice on instead!" and she only sees shopping channels marketing items like gas masks, bomb shelters, and canned foods) has actually been subtle hints and omens that they're approaching world war three and nanami ends up going to touga asking if theyre gonna make it and if japan can withstand another genocidal war crime against humanity and touga somehow reads this as her telling him her dream job is to be a stripper and tells her "silly little sister. all women are inferior to men already bc of eve's fatal sin. dont degrade yourself further than you already have" and shes like "what do you mean degrade myself further than i already have" and hes like "dont worry about it youre perfect to me. like a 9.5/10. or an 8/10. maybe a 6. definitely not any lower than a 3" and after hearing that she goes to bed upset and confused because not only is her brother not taking nuclear war seriously he also once again made her feel infantilized and small and then after hearing a loud boom in the distance she thinks nuclear war is starting and starts freaking out and thinks "my brother must have been speaking in a code! he was trying to make me feel nostalgic about my childhood to comfort me before the upcoming attack! now that nuclear war is starting i should take shelter but we dont have a bomb shelter here but ohtori has a bunch of students! it probably does!" running to ohtori and trying to think of the oldest building on campus and goes to utena and anthy's door banging on it in the middle of the night and utena gets up in her jammies like "what?" and nanamis like "QUICK we all have to GET UNDERGROUND wheres your NEAREST BOMB SHELTER" and anthy comes in behind utena like miss nanami what are you talking about? :) and utena is like yeah seriously thats so weird. i guess you can come inside . we couldnt sleep anyway because -- and then nanami sees on the floor of their room a bunch of scattered papers with a big red button in a briefcase and nanami points at anthy and is like "IT WAS YOU THAT LAUNCHED THE NUKE??????" and anthy says "oh this? this button is enrichment for my pet parrot! ive named her nanami. nanami press the button" and nanami the parrot presses the button and theres a loud boom and nanami (not the parrot) is like but what was that?!?! i heard it from my house!!!! and utena is like "oh! you must be talking about the firework display! the button is rigged up to some fireworks we got for the upcoming spring festival and we were actually up late tonight trying to get the display to work! we messed up pretty bad and most of the fireworks went off at once though haha." nanami the parrot keeps pressing the button in the bg and anthy is like "aww i guess that was the last firework left!" and nanami is like b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but what about the kangaroo? and the test on nagasaki and hiroshima?? and the shopping channels advertising gas masks and bomb shelters and canned food??? and utena says "oh the kangaroo was a political refugee from australia its boxing career went down the hill after it killed steve durwin in a freak accident. all schools are doing history tests on world war two this time in the semester!" and anthy says "yes and because theres no clear threat of nuclear winter anymore all the old holdovers from wwii are being sold at discounted prices :)"

as nanami leaves the house feeling much better but also stupider she gets traumatized one last time by another firework going off and utena yells out the window "sorry nanami! guess there was one more loaded in there!" the firework design is chuchus face and he has been mysteriously absent this whole time. we see him in the sex car with that cat thing from madoka driving

[ddarker-dreams]

Entropy.

Yan Cyno x Reader.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships and unbalanced power dynamics. Word count: 2.6k.

You used to never hear his footsteps coming.

This is a detail you once pointed out to him — more in jest than anything — which earned you an unexpectedly pensive look. No matter how light you intended your words to be, he weighed them as if each syllable were law. It had always been that way, for as long as you could remember. Back in your Akademiya days, if you made a little suggestion to Cyno’s work, he’d rewrite the entire paper to accommodate your idea better. If you wondered about a strategy’s viability in Genius Invokation TCG, he’d stay up for nights on end to test and record the data for later presentation. He was always so eager to please you. What he struggled to express in words, he’d make up for in his actions; accommodating and bending to your will if it meant you might look his way.

A few days after you joked about how quiet he moves around, he solemnly promised ‘to remedy the issue’. And sure enough, he did. He started to announce when he arrived home or would make some other noise so that he didn’t sneak up on you. You didn’t give it much thought then. Certainly, it was nice that you no longer got startled or had to worry he’d been silently watching you do something embarrassing, but it didn’t particularly stand out more than that.

Until now, that is.

You’d been alternating between chopping vegetables and plopping them into boiling water, humming to yourself while you did so. The scent of spices and herbs picked fresh from the market hours prior permeated the evening air. As always, the table was set for two. You always ensure to have a hot dinner waiting for him whenever he returns home.

Nothing seemed particularly out of place. There was no sudden draft, no creak from the front door whose hinges desperately needed oiling. You carried out your meal prep routine in the same humdrum manner as always.

Then there were arms ensnaring you.

You almost jump out of your skin at the abrupt sensation. In an instant, your body prepares itself to fight back before your mind can intervene. You twist your torso around, leading with the knife still in your hand, adrenaline shooting through your veins like a geyser. The blade never connects with its intended target, for a singular hand holds it unwaveringly still midair, overpowering you easily. It’s then that you finally register just who the unknown assailant is.

“Archons above, Cyno,” you lace your tone with exasperation, “You almost gave me a heart attack. What if I had…”

You shake your head, not wanting to consider it for even a moment.

He calmly plucks the knife from your grasp and sets it aside, taking the time to straighten it while you steady your breathing. He never liked anything to be crooked, utensils weren’t an exception. What immediately strikes you is how void of expression he seems. Some may claim that the General Mahamatra is incapable of emoting, but after knowing him for so long, you had caught onto his many tells. He stands up perfectly straight when he’s looking for an opportunity to insert his joke into a conversation. He sighs quietly to himself when he’s content. The skin beneath his eyes crinkles whenever he sees you.

These various nuances you’ve spent years accumulating suddenly feel useless, like a once bountiful fruit tree that has dried and withered away.

You almost doubt if the man staring back at you is Cyno.

“I found your brother.”

There are no inquiries about your day, rushing over to lend assistance with the meal, or kisses stolen whenever he sees an opening. He delivers the grim news without tact or any other reassurance such a statement necessitates. You swallow thickly, shrinking yourself into the counter behind you. He’s scrutinizing you just as much as you are him. Your homeostasis is thrown off, somehow causing you to both shiver and sweat. The blood-orange eyes that stare back at you are reminiscent of the scalding sun in the desert. Unrelenting, pouring down heat without favor toward anyone or anything.

“... I see,” is your careful response. You grip the counter for leverage until your knuckles ache. “Does that mean the investigation into him is concluded?”

“Far from it.”

You think you can afford to look downcast upon receiving heavy news like this, so you do. That begs the question of what intonation to use next. He’s obviously waiting for you to speak up and say something more on the topic — hence his silence — yet having the spotlight thrust on you so abruptly leaves you feeling unprepared. Do you sound remorseful? Apologize for your brother’s grievances? Or do you sound satisfied, content that the arduous search has come to an end?

You decide to try a combination of both.

“I appreciate all your hard work in tracking him down,” the melancholy in your smile is genuine. You transition to something more sheepish, avoiding his burning gaze by looking to the side. “I know it hasn’t been easy. I suppose he’ll be brought to justice.”

“Everyone always is,” Cyno confirms. The corners of your mouth twitch. “He inquired after you.”

“Oh?”

“Normally, I don’t make a habit of talking to fugitives, since they’re always trying to worm their way out of due punishment. I made an exception in his case. I told him that I’ve been taking care of you in his stead; that you don’t want for anything. He seemed relieved. He must’ve assumed his assets would be seized once his academic infringements came to light… and still, knowing this, he chose to put your livelihood at risk.”

This is a safe conversation topic for you to lean into. Cyno always contended himself on the fact he solely provides for you.

“We’ve both caused you a lot of trouble.”

Normally, when you say something in this vein, Cyno rushes to reassure you that you’re no trouble at all. That he would give you the clothes off his back if you requested it. Presently, he does no such thing. You finally pick up on a telltale sign woven into his otherwise unreadable body language — how he’s struggling not to clench his jaw. Subdued frustration. While you’re used to playing an actor who must improvise their lines, Cyno must still be adjusting to the role. How unfortunate that you know he’s a fast learner.

You focus on the sound of boiling water threatening to overflow by your side. Neither of you moves to adjust the heat so that it won’t, too absorbed in what the other will or won’t do next.

“You said that it’s been hard work for me to track him down,” Cyno starts, reaching his thumb and pointer finger out to tilt your chin upward. You fight back the urge to flinch. “I agree, although, it shouldn’t have been. Not if he didn’t have help.”

He knows.

“... Not if he didn’t have you.”

The world is falling apart and you don’t know if anything can force the jagged pieces back together.

When it came to interrogation, few were better than Cyno. He understood it on an intrinsic level. When to apply pressure, when to offer a false sense of security, what words and actions it takes to utterly break a person. You thought knowing this in advance might offer you some sort of advantage. Never have you had an assumption proven so painfully wrong.

“What?” You demand, your eyebrows furrowing together. You are a virtuoso at playing the tune of ignorance. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

It’s a solid performance. Most innocent parties are rightfully outraged when faced with serious accusations they had nothing to do with. Their righteous anger is different from the guilt-ridden outbursts of their guilty counterparts, Cyno would tell you. In the same way an expert artist could differentiate between two shades that appear alike to any other unskilled eye, Cyno noticed all the minute details. This was what he did best. This was his life’s calling.

He runs the coarse pad of his thumb over your trembling lower lip, his eyes lidded. Then, he whispers, “You are a good liar, aren’t you?”

“I—”

Cyno shushes you and you’re compelled to listen.

“I’ve tracked down individuals with networks spanning across all of Teyvat in less time than it took for me to find your brother, who has no resources,” Cyno’s words are accompanied by electricity thrumming in the air — a warning that the time to be judged is nigh. “I couldn’t understand. It was as if he knew my movements in advance and planned accordingly.”

His grip on you tightens. “I lost sight of my objectivity. You… make me lose sight of objectivity. Still, that didn’t explain how exactly you were getting the information. I ruminated on this for some time. After all, what would my suspicions matter if I didn’t have anything definitive to work with? Then you asked me that favorite question of yours. ‘What time can I expect to have you home for dinner’, was it?”

You had been playing with something infinitely more dangerous than fire.

“You have enough knowledge of Sumeru’s geography to guess where I’d be going with the tiniest information,” Cyno narrows his eyes, “Isn’t that right, [First]?”

His exposed chest heaves, each breath coming out heavier than the last. The feverish skin that touches yours tingles in rhythm with the thrumming of his Vision. You wonder if any god would take pity and bestow their favor upon you. It’s a silly thought to entertain, for you know that even if they did, his strength far surpasses yours. There’s always the option of arguing your case. Combing through his words for inconsistencies you’d never find, prolonging an admission of guilt to the charges being presented. That would only add fuel to the raging hot fire.

“They were going to lock him up for life, Cyno,” your throat is tight and it all feels like too much. “I-I know that what he did was wrong, and— there are no good excuses to justify it. He told me as much before he fled. He said… he said that they’d been denying him funds for years. His research had been his dream since he was a kid. When I heard that, I just… I wanted to protect him.”

From you.

Tears gather upon your bottom eyelashes like dew on blades of grass at daybreak.

“The scales that your justice relies upon, how can you know they aren’t imbalanced? What good will throwing someone into a prison cell until they rot do? That’s no recompense for a crime committed, it’s punishment for punishment’s sake!”

Cyno allows you to finish your rambling without interruption. From what you understood, when the General Mahamatra found one that ‘must be brought to justice’, they’d immediately be whisked away. He never extended the process more than necessary and was almost considered fair for this facet of his. As a man so entirely defined by his ideals, you assume you’ll receive no different treatment. Obstructing an ongoing investigation and aiding a known fugitive were both sentences that’d be wrapped around your neck like a noose.

You decided that if the day ever came when he discovered your damning secret, you’d go down with some dignity intact. This was something you made peace with when you struggled to sleep beside someone you were actively deceiving. So you brace yourself for the absolute worst. You squeeze your eyes shut, preparing for whatever he might say while he arrests you, the inevitable tug on your wrist that’d come as he drags you off to whatever clammy holding cell awaits.

“Did you ever truly love me, or was it all a ploy?”

His voice is so quiet, you almost thought you imagined it.

This was the last thing you expected to be confronted with following such a severe revelation. The ache in his usually self-assured voice, the utter rawness that threatens to rip your soul asunder; accumulates and weighs you down. You force yourself to reopen your eyes. To own up to your mistakes, no matter how little it’d do to mend the gaping chasm that’s formed between you.

The scathing intensity in his eyes has long cooled off. What it leaves behind is far more delicate than glass.

“I’ve always loved you dearly, nothing changes that,” you reply in truth. As a friend and someone you could always rely on. You hope to leave this part unspoken, but by how close he is, you doubt he’ll leave it at that.

“Romantically?” He probes further.

You inhale sharply through your nose. “Cyno—”

“If you’re going to lie or avoid the question, do us both a favor and remain silent.”

At this, you obediently purse your lips.  

He relaxes his grip on you, his arms falling to his side, though you know better than to think that means you can walk away. Anxiety swarms inside your gut and clouds your other senses. The fear of what comes next always triumphs over the fear of the present. It’s this thought that urges you to risk speaking up again, though your better judgment advises against it.

“Are you going to arrest me?”

The question seemingly pains him almost as it does you. He’s normally so certain of himself, ready to respond at a moment’s notice. His convictions were a firm foundation that he built himself up from. It never mattered to him who one was, or their reasons for doing what they did, so long as they breached the Akademiya’s rules, they would be hunted down by him without reprieve.

That’s why you can hardly believe what he says next.

“No.”

“Then what,” you lick your lips, almost not wanting to finish the dreadful question, “Are you going to do with me?”

“That has yet to be determined.”

You gape at him, incredulous. His usual calm and calculating ways have returned. He’s regained control over his voice and body, betraying nothing that you can work with. Cyno finally breaks his attention away from you, taking the overflowing pot of water off the heat source, then grabbing the knife from earlier to finish chopping the vegetables. Your heart beats faster with each thump of the knife against the cutting board. His side profile is decidedly neutral, his eyes barely flickering to you like this was just any other regular evening. The hairs on the back of your neck stand and the more primal part of your brain urges you to do something, anything. 

Subconsciously, you take a step toward the door, holding your breath while you do so.

“Don’t bother,” Cyno’s tone is flat and unimpressed. “No matter where you hide, or how far you run, if you take one step out of this house, I will track you down.”

You thought your resolve was firm — that you’d be prepared for anything, if it meant helping your family — but this is something you never dreamed of.

“There’s no need to look at me like that. I won’t hurt you or let any harm befall you. After all, you said it yourself. If it’s no good to ‘throw someone in a cell until they rot’, then surely, there must be a better alternative. I’m interested in seeing this novelty myself. So, [First], what recompense do you suggest for a broken heart? In my opinion, there is only one fair trade that exists for such a steep debt.”

He tilts his head, daring you to challenge him in any way. When you don’t, he continues, and oh, how you wish he didn’t.

“And that is for you to finally give me yours.”

[ostrichmonkey-games]

First playtest for Stampede Wasteland is tonight! Only doing minimal prep for it (since, ideally, that's all a regular GM would need to do). The biggest portion of that is rolling on some tables to generate a settlement that I'll be tossing the players into.

Thought it would be fun to show off the results and walk through how things are starting to come together with minimal effort!

Before I started any of this, I had a nugget of an idea about a faction of raiders that have taken over the town being one of the core sources of conflict, and now we're going to see how that might change or permutate based on how the settlement comes together.

Step 1 is rolling for the size of the settlement;

We get a Medium Town. Nice. Nothing too exciting just yet.

Next is to roll a number of Features based on the size we just got.

Medium towns get 3 Features. We get; Crash-Tech & Comms Relay, a Bazaar & Black Market & Foundry, and an Oasis and Stables. Each Feature has some extra options that help flesh them out, plus more specific mechanical things you can do with them, but I'll lave those for another time right now.

So far, this settlement has valuable Crash-Tech that helps keep it operating, a way to communicate with the wider world, places to buy cool things, but I'm paying special attention to the Oasis right now. Maybe that's why the raiders have taken this place over, to control the oasis? Let's see what else comes up.

The remaining tables are all optional details, but I rolled on all of them just to see what happens.

For a Key Figure in town, we get a Merchant "Prince".

Maybe they made a deal with the Raiders involving the oasis? That could be interesting.

Next up is the settlement's general Style;

We ended up with "rustic", I'm thinking very classic spaghetti western. Which is going to contrast very nicely with the town's Signature detail;

A massive, half-broken glass dome! Which also dovetails nicely with the already present Crash-Tech feature. Clearly, this town was built in the remains of one of the ancient seed ships that crash landed on the planet.

So what's Weird about this town?

Turns out the town is a cultic pilgrimage site. The crash site the settlement has been built on must be significant, maybe related to one of the Orbital Saints.

The next detail is about the local geography, giving some details on what the wider region might be like;

And we get perpetual sandstorms! Must make travel difficult, especially for those pilgrims.

Lastly, there's the "What Keeps Them Safe (For Now)" table. Life in the Wasteland is difficult, and any settlement that lasts sticks around for a reason.

We get "geographic quirk", so there's something special about the physical location of the town that keeps it safe. Maybe the town is built into cave systems that were dug out from within the crater of the seed ship, and that glass dome partially obscures the crater and caves from the sandstorms that howl all around.

And with that! The town is complete, aside from a name, but I'll figure that out later. Probably.

Anyways, testing of the tables complete and working as intended! I think a unique story came together with minimal effort and I'm excited to see what's gonna happen next.

[infinitywrites]

I Didn't Expect You Part 2 ~ Conrad Fisher

(Part 1) (Masterlist) (Part 3)

gif credit @madscline

synopsis: Y/N never expected it to be the summer that everything changed. Conrad, Belly and Steven were all dealing with the consequences of recent break ups whiles Jeremiah's wasn't acting like himself. Susannah was undergoing treatment that provided unpredictable health results and kept her loved ones on the edge of tragedy. Had they drained the well of the magic of Cousin's beach? Or could something new fulfil it again?

warnings: multichapter slow burn, warnings will update with every chapter, timeline is both POST S2 and a retelling of S2 with changes, everyone swears, Laurel/Cleveland, Susannah is sick, otherwise lots of fluff in this one

word count: 4,434

___________________________________________

I just wanna know you better,

know you better, know you better now

All I know since yesterday is

Everything has changed

After I snuck in a power nap after unpacking with Belly, I headed down to the kitchen to check on the plan for dinner. I'd always looked forward to visiting Cousin's to taste Susannah's Pinterest recipe of the month. I shouldn't have been surprised to see Jeremiah at the stove stirring something aromatic, warming the kitchen up. "Well, look who's taken up the mantle of vacation cook." I teased and patted his back lightly after a quick peek over his shoulder at the sauce simmering.

"Not just vacation cook, either. Just wait, I've gotten a lot better in a year." Jere smiled through his intense focus and turned his head towards Laurel sitting at the island. "I'm ready for the carrots now, Laur."

As she dumped the shredded carrots into the sauce, she assured me when I sent a raised brow her way, "Don't worry, I'm just helping with prep. Cleveland is actually looking forward to impressing you all with his culinary skills so Jeremiah can actually enjoy his summer."

Jeremiah never took his eyes off the pot, "I told you, I'm into this now. Maybe I'm destined to be a famous chef!"

"You just had to add 'famous' in there, didn't you." Conrad turned the corner into the kitchen and flicked his brother in the ear. Jeremiah smacked his hand away as they both snorted a laugh.

"What can I say? I dream big!"

My hands found my hips without even noticing, "I'm really proud of you, Jere. It smells incredible. No thanks to Conrad." I shot my glare directly at him when his name left my lips.

He'd lifted two grocery bags onto the counter by the sink and was starting to unload vegetables when he scoffed. "Hey! I went all the way to the farmer's market to get stuff for the salad, if you must know. Actually make yourself useful and chop these." He tossed me a cucumber and a pepper before I could tell him that's the exact reason I came down in the first place. I got distracted by my own thoughts when he threw a big tomato that should have splattered all over the floor if not for sheer dumb luck. Conrad paused and mimicked throwing a radish bunch before I stared him down mouthing 'don't you dare'. When he finished washing the lettuce, he slid next to me at the island and pulled out the salad spinner.

Luckily there weren't any more shenanigans as we all worked together to finish the pasta, salad and fresh garlic baguette that Jeremiah swore was an elevated form of garlic bread he'd learned about from Top Chef. Conrad pointed out that he was surprised he picked anything useful up while watching Padma Lakshmi. Eventually Belly and Steven joined as a clean up crew, while Laurel set the table just like Susannah used to have it done up. Cleveland complimented Jeremiah's hard work and thanked Conrad for the quick surfing lesson before he'd tested his limits that afternoon. When everything was ready, Laurel went to get Susannah and the room was in a standstill. The anticipation was suffocating. It wasn't until Belly reached out and grabbed my hand that I realized I was holding my breath.

Susannah walked slowly, supported gently by her elbows by Laurel, with her signature bright grin for everyone in the room. She looked both better and worse than I'd seen her last. It was incredible what a sunny disposition could do and Susannah was the best at it seconded only by Jeremiah, with her sparkling blue eyes. The build up released into an awkward tension for exactly three seconds before Susannah sighed, "I can't believe you guys let me sleep all the way until dinner. Who's sneaky idea was that?" Her eyes scanned the room while Laurel chuckled by her side.

"That was all big brother over here, Mom. We wanted to surprise you!" Jeremiah smacked his brother in the chest as Conrad hung his head waiting for his mother's reaction.

"We had everything under control, Mom." He said and I glanced his way, taking in the new information until Conrad caught my eye and I looked back at Susannah in a flash. I kinda felt bad for giving him shit after hearing that.

"Of course you did, sweet boy, but I'm feeling good and next time I want a chance to order everyone around the kitchen." Laurel sat Susannah down at the head of the table while Jeremiah got to work fixing her a plate.

Cleveland, Conrad and Steven grabbed the various serving dishes and took their seats while I heard Steven yell back, "You got it, Susannah. I'm not going the whole summer without your jambalaya."

Dinner went smoothly after that. Susannah's spirit was as full as her energy when she focused on catching up with everyone around the table. Everyone complimented Jeremiah's culinary progress and Cleveland joined him in plans to treat everyone to a weekend feast before we all parted ways. Steven even talked a little bit about his breakup with Shayla and I reached over to give his hand a quick squeeze when his mouth turned down at the corners. Laurel got quiet before she admitted she couldn't believe how grown up Steven had gotten all of a sudden. The mood lightened a bit when he rolled his eyes and teased her for making his breakup about her empty nest syndrome.

Steven had been my best friend as long as I'd been staying at Cousin's over the past eight summers or so. Mom said it gave me a necessary break from the monotony of her condition and when Auntie Laur split from Uncle John, she said they needed me more than she did. Steven's breakup with Shayla happened before Prom at least and he seemed more angry than hurt after he talked to her the last time. Long distance was hard and she wasn't planning on coming back before Steven was headed to Princeton anyway. It was what was best for both of them and he knew it too. I tried to lift his mood after he got his Princeton acceptance a few weeks later by reminding him that he would have hated being tied down freshman year. Now he could charm his way around campus all he wanted without feeling a lick of guilt. This got the first smile out of him I'd seen since his Prom photos. He'd made the most of that night at least.

Jeremiah seemed to have the same idea and said, "This is exactly what you want though, Steve-O. No strings. No commitments. Focus on school…and Jersey girls." He really wasn't as slick as he thought when he put a hand up to direct the last part away from the parents. Conrad and Steven still shrugged and chuckled amongst themselves like he'd had a point.

"All right. New topic. I know you're dying to ask Y/N about Stanford and this is your moment." Laurel waved her hand to both shut Jeremiah up and encourage Susannah at the same time.

She put her hands down on the table for emphasis as her gaze narrowed in on me, "I can't believe you're going to Stanford in the fall. It's so exciting!"

"I'm glad you approve." I couldn't help but let the smile stretch my face at her joy.

"Approval, are you kidding? My little California twin." Susannah winked in my direction and I could have sworn I saw Conrad watching the scene play out.

"You can take the girl out of Cali but you can't take the Cali out of the girl." Laurel sing-songed as she finished her glass of wine.

"Why you gotta be so lame about it, Laur?" Susannah's shoulders dropped and she sent an exasperated look to her lifelong friend.

When Susannah got like this it always made us laugh and this time it was no different. Sometimes the only adult in the room was Laurel so at least she had Cleveland around, who was just listening attentively and taking in the group dynamics.

Laurel looked shocked for a second and cut back, "You're the one who–All right," and huffed in defeat before she turned back to me. "I'm excited for you too, Y/N. Beck's right, a change of scenery and a fresh start is an incredible opportunity at your age wherever you go."

Jeremiah was looking at Conrad when he said, "Summer everyday sounds pretty good to me," and punched his brother's arm which made me furrow my brow in confusion.

Susannah glanced their way with a mischievous look, "You know, I always told Conrad he'd find himself in the West coast."

Conrad looked at them both,"Subtle, mom."

"Well, if you aren't going to tell them–"

My jaw must have been on the floor as I gaped at him. "Wait, you're–"

"I'm waiting on late admission offers. Mom convinced me to apply over Christmas break." He shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal but everyone knew the meltdown I'd had at the end of last summer trying to perfect my Stanford application.

Belly added with a teasing tone, "He made me proofread his essay like five times."

"Yeah, me too," Cleveland pointed at him and shook his head.

"OhmiGod, did everyone know but me? The person already going?" Steven looked scared as he swore he didn't so I looked around the table in disbelief and finally landed on Belly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't look at me! I told him to tell you." Belly raised her palms in surrender.

My eyes went back to Conrad who's smile just grew, "It's a big campus. We don't have to see each other." He shrugged again and dove into his second helping of pasta.

My face dropped as I rolled my eyes and swore to ignore him for the rest of the night. Susannah sighed and caught my eye, "Don't listen to him, Y/N. He's terrified of moving so far away from his mommy–"

"Hey!" Conrad tried to interrupt but he was laughing almost immediately when he heard Steven and Jeremiah break.

Susannah continued despite his protest and the howling in the background, "so I'm putting you in charge of him. I wanna see you both back at Christmas with the best tans of your life."

Jeremiah was dying and hitting his brother in the chest, "Okay, but is she wrong though?"

"Fuck you, bro. You still live with her!"

Jeremiah sobered long enough to utter, "And I cherish every second." He blew his mother a kiss like the charmer he always was and Susannah smiled stretched a little further.

When the boys finally settled down, it was time for dessert that Conrad had picked up from the market and snuck into the fridge without my knowledge at least. Strawberry shortcake; one of Susannah's favourites and we all assured her that while it was decadent, it still wasn't as good as her recipe. After the cake was polished off, I ran upstairs to slip into my swimsuit and coverup dress in case I felt like a dip in the pool once the food settled. A few of us tried to offer our help to Cleveland but he insisted that he had a clean up ritual he really enjoyed as long as we gave him the space to do so. He said it was a thank you to everyone for the meal and the invitation.

Conrad came up behind him and patted him on the chest, "I was just an errand boy and didn't know you were coming so have at it, boss!" And exited quickly out the backdoor, already pulling a joint out of his pocket.

Steven's eyes followed him even as Jeremiah was trying to make plans to head down to the beach for the bonfire. "Uh, yeah man. I'm down. Gimme a second to change and I'll meet you out front." Steven nodded in his direction as Jeremiah agreed and headed for the door.

"Yeah, thanks for the invite and everything but I no longer have the energy or the patience for bonfire party bullshit." I teased in Steven's direction, who was still staring out the backdoor.

When he finally looked my way again, he looked sheepish, "Yeah, yeah. I was gonna invite you but I figured as much. It was never really your scene."

"You know me well. Have fun though, seriously." I was about to walk away when Steven asked me to wait.

"Hey, do you think you could talk to Conrad?"

There's nothing he could have said that would have shocked me less. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I know. It's weird but…he's been off since we got here and Jere said longer. I don't know if it's Belly or just Susannah stuff but…"

"Did you hear him at dinner? What makes you think he wants to talk to me?"

Steven gives me a look like it's the stupidest thing I could have asked him so I concede. "Okay, whatever. Other than my family shit."

"You've always been the person who makes me feel better when…-like with Shayla. I think, no, I know he needs some of that right now." Steven always had the most effective puppy dog eyes. I was too weak to resist.

"I guess…I can try." I moved my gaze to a dark figure sat by the pool and started mentally preparing myself.

He started to back away but wouldn't take his eyes off me until he saw me heading outside. "Yes! You're amazing. I owe you, for sure."

I spat over my shoulder, "You think?"

"Okay, now. Before Jere leaves without me."

"Jeez, I'm going." Steven watched as I opened the sliding door and mouthed his thank you before jogging back upstairs to get ready for the bonfire.

The sun was almost down and the pool lights lit up the yard as the smoke wafted from the shadowed figure sitting on the edge. I rolled my eyes at my own apprehension and took a seat beside him before I lost my nerve entirely. The water was just cool enough to make the summer heat bearable for more than a few minutes.

"What's up?" He didn't look my way, occupied with his ritual.

I decided to start casually and try to work up to the kind of talk Steven was expecting. I still wasn't convinced that Conrad would be open to talking at all let alone to me. "Steven and Jere are headed to the bonfire soon. I wasn't sure if they told you."

He nodded. "You're not going?"

"No, the day was long enough. I came out here to stop myself from falling asleep on the couch." I kicked my feet in the water and debated splashing him.

"So much for Belly's power naps." He chuckled and finally glanced in my direction.

"Whatever, they work for her but I'm the one who drove us here." I shrugged.

There was a beat of silence before I pressed again. "What about you? Why aren't you going?"

"Same as you. Tired."

I tried not to let myself get too frustrated by his lack of response. It was weird behaviour from him though, "Hm."

That caught his attention again, "What?"

"Nothing. It's just, we know the bonfire was never my scene but you always went."

"And now I've accepted that it's not my scene either." There was an edge to his voice that told me to drop it.

"Fair enough… I was uh, I was gonna swim." I probably should have jumped in and splashed the shit out of him but there was an uneasiness that got to me.

"Okay. Don't mind me."

I stripped down to my one piece and kicked my dress and sandals a few feet away before driving in. The water really was the perfect temperature to be refreshing after the heat and stress of a long day. It felt good to stretch my limbs and work the muscles that no doubt were starting to cramp from driving for hours and falling asleep in an awkward position. Everytime I looked up, Conrad's eyes were on me and I struggled between meeting them for a few seconds before I realized he wouldn't be the first to look away. Belly had told me once that Conrad was confident in a way she'd never seen before. Shameless even, when he looked at her sometimes and she worried she'd never feel butterflies like that again. That same look intimidated other guys and coined him 'the mysterious type' around the Cousin's beach crowd. Belly said as she grew up, she'd hold his gaze longer and longer to test her theory and never saw him break concentration before her heart felt like it would beat right out of her chest. I had no intention of testing said theory and redirected my breaststroke in the opposite direction.

His joint getting smaller was the only real indicator that time was passing at all. The smell was annoying, of course, but it seemed to be wafting above me so I could admire the look of it dissipating into nothing instead. It was probably half an hour later, Conrad still perched on the pool's edge, when I climbed up the ladder, towelled off and sat back down beside him.

I looked at him, blowing smoke out over the pool water again, "Okay seriously, why didn't you tell me?"

He wouldn't look at me now, like he was sick of the sight but he still knew what I meant. "Do you own the school now?"

It didn't take much to deadpan my response. "You're funny."

He tried again. "So what? We tell each other things now?"

"When they directly impact each other's lives? Sure we do." I decided to let him get out whatever snark he needed before I got a real answer. This wouldn't turn into another stupid fight; we were too old for that shit now.

He narrowed his eyes in my direction. "You know I don't owe you anything just because we could be at the same school and living in the same state, right?"

And all of a sudden the plan went out the window and Steven would just have to accept that I tried and failed. "Okay, Conrad…" I got up to leave and went to bring my things inside.

"No, wait! I'm sorry. I–I dunno why I'm being such a dick."

I paused with an armful and hadn't decided yet if I wanted to listen to him. "Probably because you're so good at it."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Honestly. Belly was right, I should have told you when I applied. I just…I thought it might piss you off."

That made me turn to look his way, his head hung between his shoulders and his face lit up light blue and sullen as ever. "Since when do you care if you piss me off?"

"Now! Now, I do. With this. I didn't want you to think I was encroaching on your thing or following you or something. My mom's been talking to me about going to Cali since the beginning of high school but I never really thought–not with everything that happened."

The mask seemed to be gone now and that was the only reason I sighed and sat back down. Maybe Steven was right; maybe Conrad wanted to talk in his Conrad way. "I didn't think you were following me. Or encroaching. I just didn't expect you to wanna leave right now so I was even more surprised to hear it at all."

"I don't but…" It was like he was losing his words or thoughts halfway into getting them out. Maybe it was the weed going to his head. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Of course we would see each other at school. You know, if you want to. It's nice to know we wouldn't have to figure everything out alone there, right? It's exciting." He sounded sincere until he mocked the excitement.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…and Jere's right too. I'm worried about being so far away from Mom."

"She seems really excited for you. You're giving her what she wants, you know."

"I know, I'm just used to being an hour away at Brown and that was bad enough. Let alone six and that's just the flight." He got worked up by the thought alone and my heart clenched in my chest for him. I knew that feeling. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Conrad took a moment to collect his thoughts before he let out a deep breath. "You've come here every summer for years and you're away from your mom for so long. How do you…?"

I audibly sighed and started chuckling at myself before I could stop it, "Is it a cop out if I say practice? No, that's partly true. It gets easier and it helps that I know my dad is dedicated to taking care of her. And when I'm there there's nothing I can really do to help. I think that's the worst part actually. Sorry, I–"

"No, I asked."

I looked at him then and it was one of the few times I knew he was really listening to me. "A few years ago, I think I was 13, I begged my mom to let me stay home that summer. It was really bad for a little bit before and I just thought, what if I miss it? What if I'm not there? She said I was grasping for control I never really had. I was trying to pause my life for something inevitable. And not only was that not fair to myself but it wasn't fair to her either."

His eyes fell as he nodded and then flashed a small smile, "The moms must be conspiring behind our backs because that sounds suspiciously like what Mama Beck Fisher said about Stanford. Do the thing that scares you. That's how you really live."

I laughed a little at the sentiment. "Sounds like you got a cooler version at least."

"It's not like I didn't know about your mom but…I don't think I ever realized–"

"It's okay, Conrad." I shook my head, wanting to avoid that line of thought.

"You just seem so together all the time." I could feel his direct gaze when he said it even when I wanted to laugh in his face.

"I'm not, I just…when it comes to Susannah I feel like I've done this before. Been here. The worst fucking kind of familiarity. I don't even know what that has to do with anything, I just think I don't feel it yet. Not really. God, does that make me horrible?"

Conrad immediately shook his head in reassurance as I took a steading breath. "No. I don't think so, anyway. I think it'll catch up to you but…would you promise you'll tell me if– if you wanna to talk about it ever? You know if Steve-O or Belly aren't around. I dunno, maybe it'd help me to be there for someone else, you know?"

I turned my head to gape at him for the second time that night but he wasn't looking back at me this time. He was inhaling the smoke and blowing it over the pool again like he'd been doing for over an hour now. "Yeah sure."

He nodded once and put it out on the concrete and then away in his pocket before he lifted himself up.

I had to ask before he walked away, "Hey, Con?" I didn't continue until he turned a bit to acknowledge me. "Stanford is what you want too, right? It's not just for Susannah?"

A smile grew across his face, "You think I would've put myself through that brutal application process if I didn't?"

I coughed a laugh at his quick mood change, "That's right. I forgot about those ten proofreads."

He shook his head in amusement, "Exaggeration. Besides, I might as well follow my built-in babysitter."

"Fucking hell…" I winced as my head hung between my shoulders this time.

"Can't take it back now! Mama's boy like me, I'll never make it on my own!"

"I never agreed to that!" I said louder than I meant to in my frustration. It had been dark for a while even though I had no idea what time it was. "Would you keep it down?!?"

Conrad opened the sliding door and scolded, "Shh Y/N, the neighbours!"

I was left with the usual exasperation that was signature oldest Fisher and everything felt right in the world again. Well kinda. It should satisfy Steven anyway and I could mark it off as my good deed of the week. I looked out over the view and thought about the strange connection you had with the Fishers now. My mom had had MS for as long as I could remember and the constant state of grief in my house growing up was as normal as anything else in my life. Everyday was clouded with some difficulty, old or new, and the only real reprieve was summer with my cousins at Susannah's beach house. I could be a different person there who no one really knew outside my family, Fishers included. I'd even heard the whispers of my quiet, closed off nature and it always put a smirk on my face. It was like a fresh start at the end of every school year even if I didn't change at all. I could pretend for a few months that I was a normal girl who's biggest problem was my baby cousin's unrequited crush on an unattainable older jock, my sad lack of crush to obsess over instead and my best friend's tendency to get himself into trouble without ever trying.

A yawn pulled me from my thoughts and I gathered my things and climbed the stairs towards the quiet upstairs. I heard the shower running but didn't think anything of it as I passed the bathroom until the door swung open and the yellow light hit my peripheral vision. I looked right at Conrad walking across the hall to his room. He was noticeably wet-skinned and sauntering in a pair of boxers. The moment lasted a second before my eyes caught his trailing down and then back up to my eyes as he ruffled his wet hair with a towel. And then the door was shut and I turned away and shook my head to rattle my brain awake enough to make it to my bed in one piece. There was no counting for the ways in which the first night at Cousin's beach could mess with my head.

Next

___________________________________________

author's note: I'm blown away by the response and hope this next chapter lived up to expectations! Thank you so much for the support 🩵💙💚💛. I meant to get into the 4th of July party in this part but it got away from me so that's up next! Do the changes make sense? Y/N's backstory? More explanation is coming but please let me know if anything is too confusing to follow. Reply with comments and let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist. If you'd like to ask me about any upcoming chapter warnings you wanna be warned of ahead of time (angst? 18+ smut?) then come visit my blog with any questions and I'll be happy to answer!

taglist: @c4rpediem-s @jackierose902109 @lcvecstiel @h0t-as-h3ll @fandom-addict404

[thestudentfarmer]

Kitchen post today~

With prices being what they are I like a good deal on groceries when I can find it. Sometimes that leads me to buying large quantities of things.

This week the local scratch n dent market had 5 pound bags of golden potatos on sale, 2 for $4. We like potatos so I snagged a few bags. Since i had 2 from last week's groceries I decided to pick through them all.

I tossed a few rotten ones and sorted out the good from the ones getting on the going side. The good ones I put up in a storage tote (a cooking pot for now) for later cooking.

These ones are the contenders for the weekly meal/freezer prep. They had some funny or funky spots, things that can be cut off and thrown away or in the compost. I clean them after washing them well.

As a heads up, it's not suggested to feed chickens raw potatoes. So leave anything with raw potato bits in the trash or the compost bin.

The bad bits.

If you feel need to you can wash them up again. I move to peeling after words.

I save the peels for breakfast potatoes, or to make soup.

A few peeled spuds.

Afterwords, depending on how many potatoes needed to be processed will decide what im making. This time I had enough potatoes to do cubed potatoes and hashbrown potatoes.

Cube potatoes, then blanch them till all Dante in a pot. (Not quite to mash potatoes softness, but not crunchy.)

Drain, cool quickly. (If your into water conservation, save the water for your plants once cooled) I cool till just under warm and lay them out to drain/dry a bit.

Then take a pan and lay out a clean kitchen towel on it. Pour dry potatoes on and place in freezer till frozen.

Store in container and use like regular frozen potatoes.

Moving to hashed potatoes

Similar to the cubed potatoes except I grated them.

I like to destarch my potatoes a little so I do a soak for about an hour, drain and then blanch.

I did about 5 minutes to blanch the hash, every couple minutes fish out a peice and test it to see if it's crunchy or just firm. Drain, cool asap.

Lay out to drain and dry a bit.

Lay towel on baking sheet. Place drained hashed potatoes on top. Place in freezer and freeze a few hours.

When frozen package up. Date and use as necessary :)

Other potato freezing/preserving resources

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/how-to-freeze-potatoes

https://www.motherearthnews.com/real-food/dehydrate-potatoes-for-various-uses-zbcz1507/

🥔🌱Happy Homesteading!🌱🥔

[penvisions]

the melting point {chapter 15}

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Baker! Reader (exEMT! Reader)

Summary: With two articles under your belt, you're busy prepping for the final farmer's market of the summer season. Intent on making a good impression on the city once again, but it happens in a way you least expect it.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: canon typical violence, stalking, stranger danger, mention of previous injuries, medical jargon, gun violence, firearms, panic, chaotic scene, high anxiety scene, crowds, mania, allusions to shooting (but not described), smut, p in v, oral (f receiving), slow morning smut, description of the male body, food consumption, smoking, cigarettes, talk of past trauma, mentions of past emotional abuse

A/N: this chapter has taken a long time, but i'm back with these two and i'm happy to deliver this to y'all! *header images are for ~vibes~ only, reader is described as having red hair and tattoos

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || kofi

You woke slowly, warm from the body curled around you. Strong arms were laid over your back, keeping you in place where you leaned into Frankie with your face pressed into his chest and legs tangled with his own.

Frankie’s breathing was even, until he huffed as consciousness took hold. He buried his nose into the back of your neck, lips parting for him to nip at the skin there before he was pulling away altogether.

His strong back was on display as he padded across the rug and toward the bedroom door, the morning light peeking through the blinds catching in the notches of his muscles. Grunting lightly, you rolled over onto your back to lay in the warm spot he left on the sheets, eyes closing as sleep pulled at the edges of your mind.

The muffled sounds of him stirring about in the kitchen kept you from slipping back into deep sleep, simply laying there and enjoying the domestic moment as you heard the rush of water as he set up the coffee machine. Soft meows sounded from underneath the blankets and two head popped up from beneath them as the cats realized it was waking hours. They jumped from the bed and the sound of their trotting and the creak of the bedroom door let you know that they were seeking Frankie out in hopes of breakfast.

His soft murmuring as he talked to them pulled your lips up in a lazy smile.

You must’ve dozed off a bit, because the next thing you knew was the hot press of broad hands over your middle, the blankets suddenly gone from atop your body to be replaced with Frankie’s body. He was hovering low, over your stomach, the feel of his nose as it trailed down over the skin there, nerves jumping as it tickled just a bit.

“I got you, querida, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” His breath wafted over your core, causing you to whine as your hips bucked to get him closer. Fingers digging into the give of your thighs, he looked up at you through his lashes to see you already watching him with dazed eyes. Not breaking the connection, he leaned in and licked up your seam with the flat of his tongue. The heavy wet weight of his tongue parted your lips and you sucked in a shuddering breath as tingles of pleasure sparked over your skin.

He licked at you clit gently, testing how sensitive you were. When your hips pressed toward him, he sucked it into his mouth and laved attention on it. A borderline pornographic moan sounded loud into the air, igniting Frankie’s body. He pushed a hand down to the crotch of his boxers, trying to focus himself. He was aching, his touch only bringing his arousal to the forefront of his mind. He moved the hand to reach up and graze soft touches over your swollen lips, gathering the slick you were making just for him.

As his fingertips grazed your fluttering entrance, your hips bucked. The action caused him to release your clit with a wet pop.

“Frankie, please, I need more.”

“I’m gonna give it to you, sweet girl, don’t you worry.” He dove back down, mouth moving against you with the hot wet of his tongue while two fingers slid easily into you. He crooked them and you mewled at the budge to your g-spot he always found so effortlessly.

“F-uck.”

He hummed against you, the vibrations taking you closer to the edge you were balances so precariously on. His fingers pumped out of you at a fast pace, knowing that’s what you liked best, what you responded to best.

Peeking through heavy eyes, you caught sight of him rutting against the sheets where he splayed below you. The way he took pleasure in giving it, suddenly too much to handle. White spots exploded over your vision as your release washes over you in a cresting wave. The heat of it making sweat pill on the small of your back, in between the valley of your breasts, on the skin of your forehead. Frankie moaned into your core as he felt you clench tight around his flingers, the creamy release leaking out around his fingers still deep inside.

“Fuck, mi vida, you’re…you did such a good job for me.”

You whined as he carefully slid his fingers from you, bringing them up to his lips to lick his reward from them. A deep groan past over his plush lips, shiny with your slick. Fingers scrabbling at his chest, you reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him up, the hot line of his body coming to rest against yours. His hard length dragged across your thigh, leaving sticky drops of precum from his leaking tip.

His hands were gentle as they propped up the still healing knee up to wrap around his waist, and he notched the head of his cock right at your entrance.

“Dame un beso,” He demanded as he leaned down, lips hovering your own as your eyes watched the way his body moved. The softness of his middle hot where it hovered over, the way one of his hands was wrapped around the length of him as he held it there, waiting for his kiss. You surged up to desperately kiss him, mouth open and tongue licking into his own. He swallowed the moan from you as he pushed in and bottomed out in one thrust.

-

The grocery store was busy in the early morning, but you had put off going to grab the coffee creamer you preferred for basic brews up in the apartment. You were on your phone in the middle of the baking aisle, text open to Frankie and asking him what type of salsa he preferred, you were going to cook dinner that night, to celebrate the end of the market season. Someone bumped into you, the phone nearly falling from your hands when you turned to see a young woman far too close to you. She had a panicked look about her, her hair mused from moving too fast. Her hands came around your upper arm and she pressed close to you.

“Someone is following me, and I just didn’t want to look like I was alone, I’m so sorry.” She whispered lowly to you, explaining her breach of your personal space. You nodded once, so slight that she could only feel it against her head close to yours. You feigned looking over the stuff in your cart, voice light as your eyes swept over the rest of the aisle.

“You think we should do white or dark chocolate this time?” There was a man hovering at the end of the aisle, too engrossed in the coffee filters for your comfort. He was breathing a touch too fast, his chest rising and falling in a way that gave him away underneath his dark hoodie. The cap atop his head looked so much like Frankie’s beloved one, but only in silhouette. This man was nothing but creepy and the hair on the back of your neck stood on end as you noticed him shift slightly closer.

You hit the call button on Frankie’s text chain, slipping it into your front pocket to allow for the speaker to catch sound easier.

“Oh, well, you know how I feel about white chocolate?”

“Of course,” You tittered, voice a little breathy as you looked at her out of the corner of your eye. You could hear Frankie’s voice coming out small from the speaker on the phone but it was indiscernible as the man at the end of the aisle began to approach. His attention was on the offerings of flavored coffee syrups now, but his ear was facing the two of you. “But let’s work through what we have left over from the last batch, win-win?”

“Win-win, thank you so much.” She tightened the hold she had on your arm before releasing it and going to the head of the cart and began moving toward the end of the aisle. You took to the side, placing a hand on the lip of the basket. “Alright then, next stop?”

“I think we should get some coffee, at that cute place?” You could picture Frankie’s confused and worried expression smoothing over as he realized you were trying to talk to him without being obvious.

“Errands and a treat!” She allowed you to guide the cart toward the front of the store, her steps even as she tried to match your easy pace.

“We’ll check out and then you can follow me.”

The shadow of the man followed you all the way through the checkout process and getting the girl to her car. You gave her the address to the bakery, typed it into her phone’s map, told her to follow after your truck once you got loaded up yourself and drove by her spot to lead the way.

Frankie was already at the shop when you pulled up into a regular spot like you were a customer, the girl parking beside you. You both walked into the shop, hand in hand, making your way straight to Frankie who had taken up the couch that faced the window. He had been watching the street since that distressing call, in the middle of work errands that could wait until he made sure you were safe.

He kissed your cheek and squeezed your hand tight when you approached him. Bringing his arm around the girl in a light embrace to keep up appearances that you all knew each other after a shared look to ensure that was okay with her. She smiled sheepishly at him as she sat down on the couch across the coffee table.

“Thank you both so much, I had no idea what to do.”

“Someone was definitely following her, Frankie. Kept close to us the whole way through the store and a black hatchback followed us here too.”

“Cops won’t do anything until he makes a move, unfortunately.”

You thanked Louise as she came over to greet you, she must’ve sensed that something was wrong because she treated you like a customer. Asking after you and seeing what your trio wanted to drink.

“Don’t worry about the charge,” You leaned close to the girl, her dark hair brushing against your bare upper arm. “I own this place, just keeping up appearances in case he comes in.”

“Thank you, really, I just moved here so I don’t have anyone to help with…whatever this is.”

“Well, you’ve made two new friends today.” You smiled at her, helping to distribute the drinks Louise had brought over. As you stood to do so, you noticed another car pull up out front, taking the last spot against the curb. They parked well for how packed the street was, but again, that’s why you had opted to put in a small lot on the right side of the building. It wasn’t the car that had driven by twice now, with a shrouded figure hunched over the steering wheel and you felt comfortable enough to take a seat beside Frankie on his own couch.

You introduced yourselves, saying you had a small group of friends the girl was welcome to join on any occasion. Frankie’s held his drink in one hand, his other resting warmly on the top of your thigh as you settled into the cushions. Easy conversation flowed as the girl seemed to calm down and gather her bearings. Frankie even offered to follow her home before going back to his work errands when she was ready.

“Frankie?” A hesitant voice broke into the conversation from the front door. You looked over as if your own name had been called. Frankie’s hand slipped from your leg and you felt a pang at the action. He looked like he had gotten caught in the middle of something he shouldn’t have been, when you glanced from the woman who had just walked into the shop to him, confusion painting your features.

His hand came up to rub at the back of his neck as he scooted slightly away from you, sides no longer touching. The curls reaching over his neck from underneath his cap fluffed up at his nervous tick.

“Lucy.” Was all he could say in response, the white-hot prickles of anxiety crawling through him at the surprise encounter.

“Oh!” You stood and offered your hand with a polite smile. You looked back at the flustered man, making sure it was okay to interact with his daughter’s mother. He nodded, the movement stilted. But it had been there, his comfortability: the permission to interact with her. “Frankie’s told me you were in town, it’s nice to meet you.”

“And you are…?”

“She’s my girlfriend.” He didn’t stand to greet her more intimately, staying seated with his coffee in his grip. She nodded along, taking in the way he seemed to find himself as he spoke about you. The nervous air about him dissipating as the focus shifted to you. “Been together for a while, she’s the owner of this place. She’s been…a really important part of my life lately, so please, be respectful.”

You reached over and placed a hand over the one he had resting atop the back of the couch. Eyes soft when you looked over at him.

“Please, feel free to try anything from the case or on the menu, my treat.” You looked back over to her, she was watching Frankie closely. Thankfully, she didn’t look too upset, maybe surprised would be a more accurate description as small lines were apparent around her brows and the corners of her eyes. A shaky exhale and a nod came from her, before you ushered her over to the case and explained some of the items. She asked a few questions, mostly about the bakery but when you were both waiting beside the register for Louise to make her choice of drink, her eyes glinted with something as she spoke in a hushed tone.

“Is…is my- is she happy?”

“…she is.” You wanted to reach out and place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but you hesitated, unsure of how that would go over. Instead you spoke as genuinely as you could while still being respectful yourself. “She really enjoys coming here and seeing how things are made, to cook at home when it’s the three of us. But…she is, happy. Frankie is doing a wonderful job, even if he doesn’t feel like it all the time.”

“You love him.”

Her words weren’t accusatory.

“I do love him, very much so. And your daughter, Lucy.” You worried your bottom lip, slightly anxious as you mulled deeper thoughts over. “I…can’t begin to imagine the situation you were in…back then. But I have been through some rather difficult stuff myself. We all make choices that haunt us, but know that he doesn’t hold any grudge nor does Lex. I don’t know what all he’s told her since he’s seen you last and y’all talked. But…you aren’t considered the bad guy.”

Your breath was pushed from your lungs when her arms came around you in a sudden embrace. The few tears she couldn’t tamp down dampening the collar of your tank top. You carefully brought one of your own arms up around her to return the hug. When she pulled back, her smile was watery.

“Thank you, it’s…the regret is what kept me away for so long, but seeing him in that flower shop. It was…it was like a chance to finally breath again, to make amends. I feel guilty for not having been able to commit to him…to them. But I never really wanted to be a mother…”

“And that’s perfectly okay, you tried, but I don’t fault you for leaving…just the way that you did.”

“You have every right to…it wasn’t my finest hour.”

“Everything’s okay, we’ll all be okay. I promise.”

-

The second you were up the staircase under the eyes of a watchful Frankie, he enveloped you in a tight embrace. The scent of him strong as it surrounded you, the cedar and motor oil undertones that always seemed to linger on him comforting as his entire body wrapped around your own. He was corralling you as he tried to breathe you in, his mouth open against any skin he could reach. The scruff of his patchy facial hair and full mustache tickling as he did so. His lips plush and velvety where they pressed against your skin.

“…thank you.”

The words were searing into your skin with a swipe of his tongue.

“You don’t have to- ah!” The sting of his teeth on a nipple through the fabric of your tank top stole the words of your response. His hands were moving to unbutton your jeans, thick fingers hooking into the waistband of them and igniting a spark low in your middle. He mirrored the bite onto your other breast as your hands came to grip his shoulders and you gave a small push. He rocked into you, the line of him hard and hot through his own pants as he rutted against your hip.

“Frankie!” You giggled, a little lightheaded at the sudden affection. You were about to tell him why he needed to reign himself in, when a voice sounded from in the kitchen.

“Damn, Fish, let the woman breath.”

He sprung from you just as suddenly as he had been on you, face hot and eyes a bit wild at being caught in such a state. He was more concerned for your privacy, your integrity, than his own and he shifted to stand between you and his best friend. His body shielding your own as one of his hands came to cover the slight tent at the front of his pants. You giggled again as you looked around him to see Pope giving him the biggest shit eating grin as he chewed on a bite of whatever he had just seasoned in the hot pan behind him.

“Pendejo! What’re you doin’ sneaking around in here?”

“Wasn’t sneaking, primo, was just making dinner, like we planned?”

Frankie huffed, looking down at you where you had moved toward the island and settled on a stool. You leaned over to take the bite off of the spoon Pope was extended to you, his hand cupped up under it so as to not spill.

“Lex is still napping, but she had a good day at the park. Wants to go camping soon, so we should all plan to book the cabin soon, yeah?”

“Oooh, I wanna go!” You wiggled your shoulders as you nodded toward the pan and gave the man a thumbs up.

“Of course, mantequilla, that’s a given.” Pope looked over at you with a softened expression, voice tender as he watched you rub at your knee gently. Frankie walked over to the coffee table and picked up the bottle of your pain meds. He busied himself getting a glass of water with only two shoulder bumps to his friend and brought both over to you.

“I’m making pasta, easy enough. Figured we’d take it easy tonight since it’s gonna be a big day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s a speed rack that isn’t loaded down to capacity down in the kitchen.”

“Tio Santi! That smells so good!” She sprouted from the gust room off to the left of the kitchen, door creaking open. She greeted you both with side hugs before she picked up the smaller of your two cats and snuggled her. Loud purring could be heard over the sound of Pope getting plates down from a cabinet.

“Wash your hands, Lex, and set the table please.” Frankie pulled the small creature from her, gently nudging her toward the bathroom.

“Yes, papa.” She was gone for maybe a minute before she was twirling around the kitchen, grabbing the plates from Pope and dancing around him to fetch the silverware. She set it all atop the small table by the laundry nook before taking her seat and waiting patiently for family dinner.

“Do I have time to shower, Santi?”

“It’s nearly done, but I still have the bread to make.”

“I’m gonna go wash off all this buttercream then, I feel like a damn frosted cookie.”

“Look as good as one too,” Frankie whispered into your hair as he helped you stand on your tired legs. A busy day had continued after the weirdness of the morning. Frankie had returned to his work errands while you went to preparing for the market tomorrow. But you had texted the girl from the supermarket to ensure she was okay, told her to call you if she caught so much as a glimpse of the man or his car and then the police. Offered her to come by the shop tomorrow or whenever she wanted.

“Oh hush you,” You let him steady you as you walked toward the bathroom, desperately needing to not smell like sugar and butter. He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head as he ushered you through the door. He made sure you were able to safely step into the large stall before he returned to the kitchen to help with the last bit of dinner.

-

The air was filled with the hum of voices and faint music. The sun shining down warmly over the Saturday morning scene of the last farmer’s market of the season. Everything was going as planned for the exciting day, you and Will were managing customers, the inside help tending to drinks. But as with everything, it all changed in the blink of an eye.

A gunshot rang out, a plume of smoke following the sound up into the open air of the street. Screams and the rumbling sound of dozens of footsteps on asphalt filled the air in its wake. You had instinctively ducked, hands dropping the bag you were holding out to a patron to cover your head. As soon as you looked back up you saw what chaos had resulted. Will’s hands over your back where he had curled over you were steady as he pulled away from you as you straightened back up to your full height.

“Everyone inside!” You shouted, wanting to be heard over the scene, you and Will were picking up the folding table set up in front of the door and moving it to the side. He was ushering people into the shop, instructing them to hide further in the kitchen and behind the counter, to turn the lights off and be quiet. A good crowd had formed, the people closest to the store seeking the much appreciated shelter.

“Will, watch over them. I’m gonna look for the others!” You were tugging your apron off and handing it to him, walking away from the safety of the shop. Benny had gone off with Lucianna while Pope, Frankie, and Lex had gone off in a little group to explore the markets offerings.

Everything around you oversaturated, the scene so crisp and sharp that it hurt your eyes. Your focus fell on the small figure of Lex as she cowered in the protection of a flower stand, hidden in the blooms of them. Frankie was further down with Pope, both of them helping to get people out of the way in the craziness. Someone had been shot, you could smell the tang of blood wafting down the street. Police sirens were far off, those that had already been acting as security for the market scrambling to get people to safety and inside the businesses lining the blocked off street.

Lucianna was hidden in the flower stand as well, her arms tight across Lex’s chest as she held her smaller form close. As soon as the little girls frantic brown eyes landed on you, she was pulling from the woman’s grip, rushing toward you. Everything froze, the world tilting on a dizzying axis as the sun glinted off of the muzzle of a gun behind her. Frankie spotted it the same second you did, but he was so far down the street, so far from his daughter out in the open as people scattered, tripping over themselves.

You were rushing toward her, no thoughts for yourself as you tried to close the distance. She was running as fast as she could toward you, her hands held out as tears fell from her eyes. She was so scared, it was palpable. Fear a thick blanket of tension over the entire street. As soon as she was close enough, you were gripping her tight and pulling her into you, turning your back on the man firing into the panicking crowd.

Pain blossomed at the base of your spine.

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[gaysheep]

Touching is Good: A Retrospective

My trusty Nintendo 3DS, which has held out since I was gifted it for my 15th birthday, has turned one decade old with my 25th birthday this past November. Given new life with custom firmware and nds-bootstrap via TWiLightMenu, the 3DS is stellar for visiting any past handheld title or console title up to (and somewhat including) the N64. (Quick plug for the CFW/hacking community for the less popular PS Vita, too, which has accomplished some pretty crazy-cool stuff this last year.) I use my 3DS more often than I use my Nintendo Switch most weeks.

The Nintendo DS (minus the three) launched in late 2004. The second display and stylus support were novel tools for developers to experiment with, and the NDS is best remembered for its robust catalogue of RPGs and visual novels. Where it lacked in power, narrative-focused games flourished under its technical limitations.

That being said, while browsing the ROM archives on Vimm's Lair to pick up some titles, I was reminded of what an interesting era the mid-to-late 2000s were for games. While Sony and Microsoft were fighting over the "core gamer" demographic, who had outgrown Nintendo mascots, Nintendo led a series of wildly successful marketing campaigns for its hardware after the light failure of the Gamecube, where the Nintendo DS and then the Wii were targeted at...everyone else.

[Image source. Image description in alt text.]

If you look at ads for the DS and the Wii, you'll see that adults are featured much more prominently than children, especially women and seniors. (This did not go unnoticed, as I found this ancient relic of misogyny while looking for images for this post.) A Nintendo handheld was already an easy sell to parents with small children (though I think it's also notable that ads which do focus on children often prominently feature girls. Munchlax is pretty hot...), but Nintendo's angle for the DS and Wii was that their hardware wasn't just for children. The Wii was a way to get up off the couch and to play board games with grandma. The DS was a great gadget for a working woman to keep in her pocketbook.

This worked. The Wii and DS were two of the best-selling consoles of all time. In particular, the DS's marketing campaign only worked because it came out in the perfect window of time. PDA-phone hybrids had been around since the 90s, and the Blackberry had been kicking around for a few years, but the iPhone wouldn't be introduced until 2007, and the 4G LTE standard wouldn't be released until 2009. While the Blackberry was popular with businesspeople and the PDA was out of style, smartphones were luxury toys for several years; they wouldn't become near-ubiquious until the mid-2010s. I didn't get my own smartphone until probably around the same time I got my 3DS, a full handheld generation later.

Browsing the software library for the Nintendo DS and DSi with that in mind is really interesting. Many titles released for the platform serve the same purposes that would be fulfilled by simple smartphone apps less than a decade later: planners and diaries, fitness trackers, calculators, language learning and SAT prep software, even a guide to the then-most-recent version of the driver's test in the UK. These proliferated with the release of the DSi's virtual store, but they existed even with the base model. You could go to a brick-and-mortar store and buy them on physical cartridges. (You might be wondering, "Why would you bother carrying those around over just buying a Blackberry?" You can't underestimate how expensive the service bills for a smartphone were before companies realized they were the most powerful spyware tool in history.)

There was never a time where every single businesswoman in New York carried a DS Lite, but adults did buy and use them, and a not insignificant portion of the DS's software library is aimed at a casual adult audience. Another niche covered mostly by smartphone games these days—games designed to be picked up and played in short sessions on-the-go, in places like waiting rooms and subway commutes.

Nintendo made crazy bank in the seventh console generation. Publications of the time talked about a console war between Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo, but the real battle was between the PS3 and the Xbox 360 over the gamer demographic. Nintendo was producing hardware for a niche who would quietly disappear once smartphone sales began ballooning by hundreds of millions per year over the course of the early 2010s.

After the failure of the Wii U, Nintendo's marketing strategy pivoted again, though I doubt they'll ever completely abandon their family-friendly image. Currently beat out only by the PS2 and the DS, the Nintendo Switch may very well climb to a status as the best-selling console of all time before the end of its lifespan, but the "gamer" demographic is much bigger than it was two decades ago at the dawn of the DS. As more and more devices become consolidated into the Swiss army knife the smartphone has become, consoles can only carve out a role as dedicated gaming machines.

I'm not sure we'll ever see anything like the Nintendo DS or the Wii again. I think they're worth looking back on for their uniqueness in that way as much as they are for the more celebrated parts of their libraries.

[race-week]

is f2 really a good analysis of talent?? ollie bearman was thrown into an f1 seat without prep and performed beyond expectations so we know he’s good and yet he’s having a rough f2 season, the current championship leader i think was dropped by merc and all their eggs are going into kimi tho he’s managing quite well in f2. we do need feeder series so drivers can perfect their race craft and get used to different power modes but isn’t that what they’ve been doing all their lives in karting series?? i understand why drugovich didn’t get a seat, he won in his second round and theo i think may have to do with marketing which i think plays a heavy factor for a lot of drivers like vesti, maybe doohan too. has f2 become obsolete???

I don’t think F2 is obsolete, I think what we are dealing with is a bit of a bottleneck as drivers are staying in F1 longer and with reduced testing and the cost cap and longer seasons it’s less preferable for teams to take on rookie drivers.

There was a period of time in the sport a few years ago where there was a huge influx of rookies, with 2-3 debuting each year and that has contributed to this bottleneck.

I think that race teams having juniors or junior teams also has contributed to this bottleneck because one team may have an opening but they either can’t take a rookie or don’t want to because said rookie belongs to a competitors junior program

Both Drugovich and Pourchaire both won F2 in their 3rd full season, which makes them somewhat less preferable to teams.

In my opinion the issue lies partly with the fact that it’s too high risk to take on rookies now plus the fact that the majority of drivers are picked up by driver academies which reduces the amount of ‘free agents’.

[dragonflycap]

What to expect from the stock market this week

Last week, the review of the macro market indicators saw heading into the unofficial end of summer and with August in the books, that equity markets showed a preference for some rest after the 3 week move higher. Elsewhere looked for Gold ($GLD) to continue its uptrend while Crude Oil ($USO) consolidated in a tightening range. The US Dollar Index ($DXY) continued to bounce to the upside while US Treasuries ($TLT) consolidated in their downtrend. The Shanghai Composite ($ASHR) looked to continue the downtrend while Emerging Markets ($EEM) consolidated over support in a possible start of a new uptrend.

The Volatility Index ($VXX) looked to remain low and stable making the path easier for equity markets to the upside. Their charts looked strong, especially on the longer timeframe. On the shorter timeframe the week long consolidation left the $SPY with only 2 hours to rocket to just shy of a new all-time high close while the $QQQ and the $IWM ended near the high of the week. All were prepped to start September stronger.

The week played out with Gold holding at the highs in consolidation while Crude Oil broke down to a nearly 10 month low. The US Dollar fell back from its quick bounce while Treasuries rose to test the December 2023 high. The Shanghai Composite fell to a 7 month low while Emerging Markets broke support to hit a 1 month low.

Volatility rose Monday out of the teens and held the rest of the week. This put pressure on equities and they responded by moving lower all week and closing the mid-August gaps. This resulted in the SPY, the QQQ and the IWM confirming lower highs as recession fear overtook the market. What does this mean for the coming week? Let’s look at some charts.

SPY Daily, $SPY

The SPY came into the week holding in consolidation just under the all-time high. It dropped Tuesday touching the 50 day SMA and held there through Thursday before a second big fall Friday closed the mid-August gap down. It closed at the lowest level since August 13th. The RSI is falling below the midline after making a lower high with the MACD crossed down but positive. The Bollinger Bands® are squeezing in with price now closing in on the 100 day SMA.

The weekly chart shows the confirmation of a reversal with a strong move lower following the doji. It ended at the 20 week SMA. There is also a momentum divergence with the RSI making a lower high as price made a higher high. The RSI remains bullish over the midline with the MACD positive but moving lower. There is support lower at 540 and 537 then 534 and 530 before 524.50 and 520.50. Resistance higher is at 542 and 545.75 then 549.50 and 556.50 before 561.50 and 565.50. Broad Consolidation with Possible Change of Character.

SPY Weekly, $SPY

With the first week of September in the books, equity markets reverted to weakness, trending lower all week. Elsewhere look for Gold to continue its uptrend while Crude Oil continues to move lower. The US Dollar Index continues in broad consolidation while US Treasuries show signs of a possible new uptrend. The Shanghai Composite looks to continue the downtrend while Emerging Markets drop back into a short term downtrend.

The Volatility Index looks to shift from low and stable to low and rising making the path more difficult for equity markets. Their charts look weak om the shorter time frame as price pulls back from a lower high, but they remain above making a lower low for now. On the longer timeframe they look stronger, but vulnerable with the SPY strongest then the IWM and the QQQ the weakest. Use this information as you prepare for the coming week and trad’em well.

Join the Premium Users and you can view the Full Version with 20 detailed charts and analysis: Macro Week in Review/Preview September 6, 2024

[unohanadaydreams]

Notes: Made egg bites this morning and was like ‘now I have to know how Bleach characters would make egg bites with me’ (these notes are from a week ago but it still stands true because Ive been prepping them every Monday morning lately lmao).

How They Egg Bite:

Ft. Kenpachi, Nanao, Unohana, Shunsui, Giselle, and Mayuri

Kenpachi Zaraki: Doesn’t bother with pre-heating the oven or mixing the ingredients beforehand. Just cracks eggs into a muffin pan and stirs them with a chopstick (he started using his finger but you protested greatly to that). He seasons them well, but only has salt and furikake on hand. His favorite part is cracking the eggs with just his fingers and watching you gawk over the clean breaks.

Nanao Ise: Has her eye half-on a recipe card the entire time. Everything is weighed and sorted before she begins mixing. Mis en place is her best friend and you her trusted sous chef. She tries to arrange the veggies into cute animal faces but gets embarrassed and mixes them back to random before shoving the muffin pan in the oven, blushing as you remark what a shame it is. She takes a picture to file away with the recipe card out of habit. There is a photo album of cooked creations.

Retsu Unohana: Rather annoyed at the process of pouring even portions of mixture into the muffin pan. Gives you a long, hard smile when you point out the first one has way more egg mix than the rest. Attempts mis en place but prefers keeping busy and indulging in chaos. Her favorite part is the wait for them bake, smelling the ogon peppers roast. She pours your tea with a heavy hand and a smile comes lighter as you struggle to blow on the curling heat without spilling.

Shunsui Kyoraku: Plays coy with his cooking ability, if only to lure you in front of him so he can ‘watch and learn’ with his arms around you. Has a precise cut with the peppers and stirs just the right amount of spinach in. He borrowed one of Nanao’s recipe cards and insist you take a selfie with the egg bites for her records. Absolutely gets distracted and asks you take his picture in an apron. And to be fair you should too! The egg bites are very overcooked from his distractions. He soaks them in green tea.

Giselle Gewelle: Tests the limits of what food coloring can do and alternates between sparkly purple eggs topped with pink stained green onions and a dour brown mixture decorated with bean sprouts tied like bows, smothered in beet juice. They’re bland and undercooked despite staying in longer than necessary. She smothers them with ketchup and feeds them to you, laughing when you pull a sour face. She refuses to try them and orders take out immediately after.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi: Uses egg from a source that’s in development and not yet on the market. Definitely not cage free. All the veggies are on the mundane side of GMO. Tougher flesh and large seeded tomatoes for better texture and nutrients. Mushrooms that transcend uncanny valley in how alike to meat they taste…okay so not too mundane. Does enjoy a good gadget, like a lid that seals over your mixing bowl and releases mixture in timed spurts. Ends up drinking his half of mixture raw and cooks it in his esophagus. He absolutely talks you through the process.

[compo67]

Slowly, but Surely (Don't Call Me Shirley)

Hello, hello.

i am slowly, but surely, recharging my creative batteries. There's less pressure now, but with good things happening. A detailed account of what's been happening. All below the cut. TLDR at the end.

Let's start with the good.

I went to the Big Gay Market in Madison, WI for the weekend. It was marvelous. There were people of all kinds of genders, an affirming and friendly environment, and so many creatives. I felt like I was in community and it's been a long time since I've felt that way. I was sad when it ended. But I bought the most beautiful wreath to hang in my room. I'll snap a picture of it when I can.

I studied the entire month of June, whenever I had a spare moment and for dedicated study sessions.

I made a total of 300 flashcards, wrote 40 pages in my notebook, used 2 test prep books, 3 learning system books, a 100 page summary of competencies, and 2 apps. I answered 2800 practice questions on those apps. I practiced and practiced until I reached at least an 80% in each competency.

And what happened?

I PASSED.

I kicked that exam in the ass! When I saw "passed" on the screen, I nearly whooped in the testing center. I cried in my car as I relayed the news to my mom, who is also an HR professional. I could not believe it. I still can't. Cal Owens, SHRM-CP. It feels SO GOOD to have letters after my name.

I'm also still on that high of completing my HR Management certificate with "high honors" and then earning my SHRM certification right after it.

Then, at the end of May, right before my birthday, I sent in an application to the Arboretum nearby. They were looking for an HR Coordinator. And they weren't requiring at least 3 years experience or a BS in HR. After the radio silence for a month and a half, I gave up on them getting back to me. I sent a follow-up email, as instructed by my mentor, and still no reply. I figured I was set aside and I moved on to apply for more jobs.

Lo and behold, the Arb emailed last week and offered me a phone interview! I spoke with their Talent Acquisition specialist way past the 30 minute time slot, which I took as a good sign. Next step was to have a virtual meeting.

But guess what? They invited me for an in-person meeting instead! My interview was at 9 AM CST yesterday. it was LOVELY. i genuinely enjoyed speaking to the Sr HR Manager. We chatted for almost 90 minutes. It went by so fast. I felt like I had answers to all her questions, however, I wonder if I was direct and clear enough? I haven't interviewed since 2021, and before that since 2016. So I know I'm rusty, I hope my enthusiasm for the role got noticed.

I should know by early next week if they will move me to the third and final round--meeting the VP of HR. The Coordinator will be responsible for managing the VP of HR's schedule in Google. I just learned how to do scheduling in Outlook, I'm sure I can do it in Google.

Anyway! I can see myself working there. The pay meets the market for that kind of job around here, and the benefits are exceptional. And the view from the admin building? Beautiful. There's just a small lane to walk through from the parking lot to the building. I felt like I was in Jane Austen novel. *Dreamy sigh.*

Fingers crossed.

Okay, so let's get the not-so-good stuff over with.

Caregiving for my father continues to be a challenge. I am the only one of his 3 kids he 100% trusts and is close to. I don't get a lot of support from my sisters because A) he prefers me to handle things and B) they don't offer. I always have to ask, and even then, most of the time I end up doing the thing anyway. Sigh.

I tried a bunch of adaptive equipment things for my dad in June. I bought him an electric tea kettle that sits in a cradle and tips over to pour so you don't have to lift it. Well, it works okay for that, but he can't see how much he's filled the kettle. So that went back. I found a pen that "talks" to you. That's been a game changer. You get special labels with bumps on them, tap the pen to the label, and you can record a sound clip! so i attached them to every medication he has in the house. he's been using the pen! Now I just need to convince him to use his white cane.

Watching my dad go through losing his vision has been very difficult. He's a completely different man than the one I knew just 5 years ago. Little by little, things are changing and that change can get overwhelming. I did manage to find him a peer to peer phone program for folks with low vision. He gets a call every month to chat with a lady name Yvies from New Jersey and just talk about what it's like being low vision. I am so grateful to her. The organization will be creating a caregiver support group in the fall and I am on the waitlist.

So, yes. I've gotten overwhelmed at some points, impatient at others, but I show up. In the future, I want to know, that without a doubt, I was there for my father. I just need to figure out how to balance this and find ways to get help.

I continue to miss Henry and my grandma.

Sometime between this past Saturday and Sunday, I fell ill. Like, nauseated, dizzy, lightheaded. [Content Warning: The GI System Going Whack] Then Sunday, I could not retain food or water. I held out for Monday and Tuesday to see if I got better with a little imodium and zofran. Wednesday morning at 7:30 AM, I called my doctor and she said, "Get thee to the ER."

So, I went. My mother was with me. In miracles of all miracles, I only had to wait an hour to be seen in the ER. I was there from 8 AM to 12:30 PM and in that period of time, I got an ultrasound, labs, an IV with a bag of saline, pain meds, and reassurance that my gallbladder and liver were doing fine. And no one misgendered me. It was a good ER trip.

The ER doctor and my PCP have no idea what knocked me out for 5 days. Could have been a virus. Could have been a side effect of mounjaro. It'll be a mystery for the ages, I suppose...

Of course, it took a huge toll on my body. Today was the first day I felt almost normal again. No bloating, no cramping, no burping, and no intense pain in my abdomen. Yay! I am supposed to be eating "light," but dammit, I deserved pasta tonight and I'm not going to regret it!

I also, in my journey through illness, reached the Medicare donut hole. I have to spend $8,000 before my advantage plan will start paying for my meds again. I have to pay 25% of the cost of all drugs. Thank goodness I was able to get on a patient assistance program for my antidepressant, because I could not afford it otherwise. I've moved all my meds, except two, to be generics. I am always trying to cut the cost down as much as I can, whether it's through GoodRx, OptumRx, or Costco. I spend most of my SSDI money on healthcare, medication, and treatments. If we had free universal healthcare, I would have been able to save up all this money, dagnabit.

The difficult things have been... well... difficult. But they are outnumbered by the good things, which makes me smile.

I am excited to be excited about working again. I am doing my best to visualize myself in that role, going into *my* office and sitting at *my* desk. I see myself growing in that department and becoming a specialist in all things HR. This is what I did as I interviewed for the 24/7 Helpline and I got that job. I saw myself getting on a train to Chicago every day until they'd let me go remote. I saw myself as a city queer again. I felt the train to the city already underneath me. I get that feeling with this role. I feel like, if I get it, I will have a Mary Tyler Moore moment.

She's gonna make it after all!

Thank you, if you've red this far. Thank you if you send good vibes for this Arb job. Thank you for just being here. Hell, thank you for being you.

One of my uncles will be visiting us from Chile in early August. I am eager for him to arrive and spend time with us. I know my mom could really use his support and sense of humor right now.

So I will be driving them (and my father, if I can convince him to join us) all around Chicago and the burbs. I hope to gather some TCV ideas from the places we will go. It's exciting to think about.

I really want to take a small trip to Cedarburg, WI. Spend a night there in a bnb, and take in all the shops and restaurants. But my car's oil needs to be changed and my brakes too, so I will have to hold off on traveling for a while.

I would like to get back to work because it's work, but I would also like to get back to contributing to my 401k, saving, paying off my medical debt and car, traveling, and actually affording medication without (too much) sacrifice. Medicare, I was told, would be cheaper than private insurance. Well, I couldn't afford a supplement, so I got stuck with an Advantage Plan. And it's not all that bad (I've met my out of pocket max), but man, do they make it hard to succeed in the system and this is a system primarily designed for seniors??? Sigh.

Anyway!

There you have it. A detailed account of things that I have been up to or coping with or working on since mid-May.

Hockey is gone. Thank goodness the Oilers didn't win the cup. Pavs retired. Wedgie was traded. Delly was traded. Faksa and Tanev were traded. We kept Dutchy, but that was about it. With a burning passion of a thousand suns, I hate Dumba and DeSmith. They will never be my Stars.

Okay. So. Where does this leave me now?

Well, I am slowly getting back "into" my work as an author. I'm hoping I can read a book or two in the next two weeks. I am inspired by the creativity of others and now that I've passed my exam, I have more free time to read and plot things out in my head.

It also helps to you know... not be extremely dehydrated.

Holy smokes, it's late. And this is long.

TLDR: Lots of caregiving, looking for jobs, studying, and recharging has happened in my break from writing. I am focused on securing a job at the Arboretum. I passed my SHRM-CP exam. I had an ER visit this week, but feel much better now.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the care to read this. I appreciate y'all and the safe space y'all have made for me. I'm so glad I get to lean on this cozy, peaceful corner of fandom.

One last time--thank you.

Let's chat more.

-Cal

[skwigelfskwisgaar]

He could see his breath. Sweden, 1984. Cold winter blanketed everything in white. He was wearing a thick wool sweater his mother picked out for him, knitted in a creamy color to bring out his sparkling blue eyes.

Cold. Numbing cold. And blinding white snow. It pained his eyes. Still he marched on. Pride bloomed in his chest, his heart swelling in joy after he studied for music class and successfully remembered everything they had covered.

It was the first thing he felt. Pride and joy.

Each step he took it brought him closer to home. The snow under his feet gave way easily, promising relief from winter's grasp and the blinding snow.

He had been looking forward to school. He had been such a good student. His mother had promised sweet bread and spiced mead for him to try. He would be like the warriors of Valhalla. Drinking mead, eating a feast of his choice. He was so excited to show her his grade in music class. He finally remembered the terminology and the scale! He struggled with it badly before -

He took a small hand out to turn the doorknob.

Skwisgaar's heart thumped in his chest. He knew where this was going and he screamed at himself to stop before the all too familiar sight played again.

He flung opened the door.

"Momma, I'm home!"

Skwisgaar smiles as the smell of lussekatter rolls fills his nose, and his mom's special stew. He was so happy that she found them a home. She was tired of moving just like he was. Unpacking and packing up was always a hassle.

He quickly took his shoes off and walked over to the kitchen to see Serveta in an apron saying "Kiss the Chef", pulling out the rolls from the tiny oven in the kitchen. She placed them down on a cooling rack before going over to kiss Skwisgaar on the forehead.

"Skwisgaar? I'm in the kitchen!"

... what? The kitchen? It felt like the very day he first saw his mother's very active lifestyle, and not... whatever this was.

A deep confusion set in the adult Skwisgaar's mind. Was this not the day he first walked in on his mother? What was going on?

" So tell me? How was school?"

"I did it! Just like we studied yesterday. I remembered all the words and passed the test in music class." He looked at the table set up and smiled big - his mom had prepped her stew, his sweet rolls were cooling down and she had gotten some fruits and jams to eat afterward. And right in the center was the bottle of spiced mead.

"I knew you would get a passing score. Go and wash up, put your books away, and come down to set the table. Afterwards, we can watch some television."

In his mind, Skwisgaar's confusion gave way to hurt. To anger. To questions he knew the answer to.

Serveta took off the oven mittens she had and began to take off her apron, leaving Skwisgaar to walk up to his room as he hastily put his books away. She had a plain blue dress shirt on with buttons down the front, and a pair of white jeans on. She looked like she walked off one of the American fashion magazines she liked to gawk over in the big market.

" You think I'm going to let you drink your first glass out of a cup? You must be mistaken." Serveta pulled out a set of glass ...teacups? Skwisgaar had seen her and his grandmother use them when drinking glögg around this time of year. The glasses were in a bath of water in a pot in the sink, and as she dried them he noticed it was hot water they had soaked in.

Coming back down, his mother dried her hands and stepped aside as he washed his own hands and quickly set the plates and the glasses down. This was after his first growth spurt, the first of many that made him the tallest member of Dethklok. He remembered how awkward he felt and lacking in grace it all was. Watching how to move himself because his body's new height was changing so frequently, he couldn't keep up and adjust.

"If you're drinking glögg, you're going to do it properly."

"Like you?" Serveta stopped, a questioning look on her face. She responds, "Yes? It's meant to be taken like a tea. Hot and steaming." She takes the mead and sets it in the pot, before finally sitting down.

Skwisgaar paused as Serveta finally took the bottle of mead and poured it into the glasses. Rasing the glass up to her face, she took in a deep breath and blew a bit on the top of the liquid. Passing one of them, he took it, a genuine wonder in his face and touch, never blinking. As if the glass would vanish if he blinked.

As they ate, that pit of anger grew. Fury rose in him. What was this weird ... dream? Nightmare? Deep down, he knew what it was. Quit lying to yourself.

It was the childhood desires he ruthlessly buried in the snow. It was the yearnings of a child that he left behind with her that first time he was forgotten, ignored, accused of being selfish for wanting a mom. For wanting his mom to care. The childish want for companionship from his family that he numbed with each high, each couch he slept on, each step he took away from her and the disasters that befell him and his first few bands in Gothenburg.

Back in the murky glow of the kitchen, dream Skwisgaar asked the strange version of Serveta about her day, as she served food and he tore open a roll, still warm to the touch.

"Traditionally, your grandmother made me wish for something for the first glass of the season."

"I wish this was real. That you actually cared."

Skwisgaar had glued his eyes to his mother before she spoke, now boring holes into the glass in his hands.

"Make a wish, Skwisgaar."

The words came out before he realized what he said.

He looked back up and watched as his small hands poured out the glögg, right into the rolls. "Then I wish you stopped hurting me."

"Oh, Skwisgaar," she replied, back in her normal red strapless dress, "wake up and stop wishing for useless things." He looked at her as she rose, he face disappointed and annoyed. That was the woman he knew.

You're not useless. You were distant, but not useless.

She hands him her glass, before dusting her dress and patting his shoulder. "Then drink mine. I don't need it anymore." She walked away, her heels loud as she took each step away from young dream Skwisgaar.

"Don't you have a wish?" He asked.

"It came true years ago. You are not in my way, anymore."

He drank her glass, as the ache in his chest became less and less until he couldn't hear his heels anymore. All he felt was anger.

Fury.

- - - - -

He jolts as he wakes and tosses the covers off. He touches his chest, his arms and then his head. No sweater, long hair. Adult sized.

After making a mental note to never touch whatever Pickles was handing out last night, he got up and texted his mom to make sure she was fine before he washed his face. It was something his grandma did when she dreamt of him or his mom, before passing away. She'd make an effort to go out and find them, always believing dreams were omens. An old habit he kept.

This burning coal of anger simmered deep in his gut, and he figured that with sleep efrectively ended for the day, he might as well grab his guitar and play.

Isn't that what he did anyways? Just put to song what words could never describe?

His phone flashed.

"Hej, momma."

His mom was calling.

Confused, he picked up regardless.

"Skwisgaar?"

"Hello, stranger. You never text. What's happening, Skwisgaar?" Serveta quipped in her usual way.

It brought relief he didn't know he was seeking to hear her usual tone, her self coming through in unfiltered annoyance. Tension rolled off him. There were some background noises of what he assumed was possibly the lumber mill for firewood, or maybe she was in the city. There was chatter and vehicles and the sound of water.

".... I was checking in to see if you were... uh, if you were okay."

"I was headed to the market. Isn't it... four in the morning where you are?" Huh, so it was.

"I'm ... busy. With recording. And planning... tour stops."

"Skwisgaar, I know when you're lying. You and my mother always reached out when you had odd dreams."

He sighed. The rage was simmering low in his gut bow, not boiling and flowing through him like it did earlier. Oddly enough, Serveta was cooling him down a bit. Was this what moms did? If anything, he only saw how they made his bandmates uncomfortable, at best.

"Am I not allowed to call you anymore, mom?"

"I was not expecting it."

There was a pause. He was always such an awkward person when speaking to his mother. Always the awkward teenager that she let go back in 1988.

"Uh, I'll visit soon. We can make plans later this month."

"...thank you. For asking. And I'll have some glögg and lussekatter ready for you."

"... do you think you could make some of that stew?"

"That was your grandma's recipe. I'll have to search for her recipe book, but I can." With the promise of a visit and the excuse of being needed for Dethklok stuff, he hung up the phone and collected his thoughts.

With plans to visit her at some point in the future, Skwisgaar brushed his hair and grabbed his guitar after he dressed himself.

She may not have been the best mother, but she was his.

Pickles was able to get over his mother. He was able to heal, and finally tell her off. He could maybe do the same. Or at least try to mend things. Maybe it would work out better.

Murderface was able to keep his grandmother happy. Even if it meant spending boatloads on scooters and medical expenses, he could see that Stella did care and appreciated Murderface. She and Rose were tied for most visits - considerably impressive, given her limited mobilty.

Toki had been in contact with Anja on several occasions. He didn't pry on that particular aspect of Toki's home life, but she messaged him frequently. He also made sure that she had access to him with her own Dethphone, although she seemed more confused than thankful for it when the exchange happened.

Nathan had his mother visit him frequently back when they kicked out Magnus. She was the woman who made sure her kid and his friends had food to eat besides beer. She made sure they knew a mother's touch, helping them with chores and being at their first few venues to give them a ride back. It was maddening at first, to him anyways - his mother was rarely around and having one this ... present was stifling. It nearly suffocated him. Over the years, though, he really came to appreciate Rose Explosion.

He left his room, ooting to stop by the kitchen to grab coffee. As it brewed, he pondered on the women who shaped this band, who raised his bandmates.

If they all managed to get along with their mothers, couldn't he?

[localtopegg]

Taking some time while I'm sick here to give a update: Things are no better. So I've slashed prices in the shop to see if it'll help here and in-person markets at all.

I REALLY wanna be back on my writing blogs, but right now that's impossible. I'm spending my weekdays in the workshop, sending out resumes, looking into potential housing options and studying for my drivers test. Usually taking small breaks on Discord through the day. Saturdays I'm spending in bed cause I can't do anything else and Sundays I'm at market (I've maybe made $200 in the past four weeks at these markets at least) and it's all affecting my health a LOT. My diabetes especially. Haven't been able to handle that tiktok suggestion yet cause of it.

Only reason I'm able to make this for you guys is cause I'm home sick today, wasn't able to get out of bed on Saturday.

As usual, you just gotta like this post for my Discord. I'm kinda active on and off there in between my income attempts and market prep. Kinda writing there if you don't mind waiting a bit for things like replies and one-on-one servers to be made too. Here's hoping things get better.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2023-10-23

Testing the limits of my kitchen

Listening: I've been using my enormous playlist of Japanese Jazz Fusion as background music at home. This is Galactic Funk by Casiopeia.

Reading: There's a great PBS video on insect metamorphosis that debunks the whole Butterfly Soup thing and explains the much, much more bizarre truth: even before they enter a chrysalis, caterpillars have started to develop butterfly parts inside their bodies. Big chunky caterpillars contain a half-built butterfly. Inside the chrysalis they simultaneously dissolve the remainder of the caterpillar parts and finish the butterfly on the existing scaffolding.

There's a great paper referenced in that video which is this one, which is about findings from time-lapsed 3D CAT scans (which I guess makes it 4D) of caterpillars as they pupate.

There's actually quite a few interesting papers on following metamorphosis with modern imaging technology, including a big old thesis that I have only just started to dig into and that I do not understand.

Watching: Nothing.

Playing: I got a little obsessed with Bullets Per Minute, a rhythm FPS roguelike. Well, more of a tempo FPS roguelike, since you have to fire, reload, jump and dash on a very regular 88bpm 4/4 rock/metal soundtrack. Here, I've cut some clips together.

Hell of a lot of fun, I've been in the market for a really fast paced shooter. I tried to replay Titanfall 2, which is good. I also had a good time playing Warframe missions I was way too high level for, eventually I remembered watching the ZeroPunctuation on this and picked it up.

BPM feels great and is also a really fascinating old-fashioned indie roguelike. The game has almost no tutorials, you just get dropped into levels. Items have absolutely bare minimum descriptions and no hard numbers, the fan wiki is full of notes very clearly the result of trying to puzzle out exact damage numbers and percentile improvements from the player side of the game.

It is not hostile though! Very forgiving accessibility options if you aren't great with rhythm and good difficulty modes. I've done two full clears on normal difficulty and like with most roguelikes, that was a product of familiarity and getting the Good Items early in my run (thank you infinite ammo + revolver)

Making: Made a full spec Wedding Meal (vegetable biryani, dal, and soji) for Friends over the weekend. Easier than I expected! A lot of prep but not actually that time consuming, as long as like me you're good chopping one million vegetables.

Also finished hacking on monctl to have a command line interface. It allows fast USB control of a Gigabyte monitor. I have started poking at Display Data Channel to better generalize monitor control because I want to get a second monitor soon but this works great for now.

Tools and Equipment: If you have a dishwasher you should pretty much always use it to wash, even if it's only half full. Your dishwasher probably uses under 12 liters of water to do a full wash cycle, less on Eco modes. You are almost never going to beat it for economy or sterilization, so the only things you should wash by hand are things you either cannot put in the dishwasher (e.g. cast iron) or things you need washed right now.