#tfw + coping

[shallowseeker]

Okay, Sam has a point in 12x03 The Foundry, but I’m so kicking him in the teeth for how haughty and contrary he’s being during this whole conversation.

Yes, Sam. I’m pretty sure Dean knows your mom isn’t a “thing.” Jesus H. You blockheaded brat.

Dean, true to his own emotional interiority, wants to give Mary time and space. On the other hand, Sam is logically sound in his analysis—that she’s probably burying herself in hunting to mop up her grief.

THE BOYS ARE AT THE GRAVEYARD DIGGING UP THE GRAVES OF ALL THE CHILDREN AND SALTING AND BURNING THEIR BONES.

Sam: Grim work.

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: You know, I’m worried about Mom.

Dean: Why?

Sam: You're not?

Dean: She's back. I mean, yeah, she's still working out the kinks. We're all still working out the kinks. But, I mean, can't we, for once, just not turn everything into a problem? You know, can we, for once, just have ONE good thing?

Sam: Mom's not a thing.

Dean: …okay.

Sam: Look, I'm happy, too, Dean. I am. I'm overjoyed. But...there's something about her. I mean, something's going on with her.

Dean: Yeah, she's adjusting.

Sam: No, she's struggling. I mean, she's trying to bury herself in hunting to avoid dealing.

Dean: And how do you know that?

Sam: Years of personal experience. I don’t know man. Uh...like mother, like sons.

DEAN LOOKS PISSED AT THE CONVERSATION, BUT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE.

Once more, Sam assumes that everyone else’s coping strategies should look exactly like his own, or else it’s proof they’re not coping at all. (I mean, he could be right. But the problem is that he assumes he is. He barely knows this woman!)

To his credit, Dean shows a lot of patience in this conversation. Sam may have a point, but he’s being an ass. (“Mom’s not a thing.” Really, Sam? You’re treating your brother like he’s stupid.)

Even Cas, with his, “What has she said to you / what have you said to her?” was a more nuts-and-bolts, actionable kind of helpful.

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Here with Sam, Dean shuts down and disengages from the conversation, and it’s not solely because he’s in moderate denial about Mary’s unhappiness. Part of it is down to Sam’s conversational style.

(Sammmmmmyyyyyyy~eeeeeh I am strangling you with my bare hands…)

///

But yeah. Bless him. Sammy overthinks. Dean ruminates but doesn’t seem to get so far in his own head that he force-fits his perspective onto everyone else.

This is another area where, ironically, Dean and Cas have better emotional intuition than Sam (even if they don’t always know it).

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(Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)

[pocket-dragon]

Just some Karlach with my Durge :3

[skitskatdacat63]

Okay now where's the Seb teddy bear so I can make them kiss each other!?

+

[phrysic]

tfw will always be so funny to me because where is the free will??? At first it was just dean sam and cas but now they lumped jack into it too

[majimasleftasscheek]

I hope you're doing well :)

I am doing pretty good, thank you ^^

a bit tired but otherwise livin' 😩💦 tryna get off my ass to get a bunch of stuff done 🙏

[mcd-incorrect-quotes]

𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭?

𝐑𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫?

[destiny-in-the-universe]

new post coming soon!

it’s already being teased before but~ saying it again for my rc9gn peeps, and also I have NEW IDEAS- this is insane. save me

[pepprs]

girls who slam themselves in the 3x meta psychic prison. mutuals my mother straight up does not love or see or understand me and never did. when the pain is unending 😍

​ok yeah. i wasn’t going to write about it bc it’s deeply embarrsssing on multiple levels but like. i watched the childhood video tapes. except i couldn’t get the one from the first 2 months of my sister’s and my life(s) to work so i watched one from when we were 4 and our brother was less than a year old. and mutuals… in SO many of the clips she’s filming him and only him trying to get him to bounce and shit snd i ask for her to turn the camera on me so she can see me dancing or i can show her the picture i drew for her or ask her a question or share a thought and like… yes i was an annoying feisty bossy attention seeking 4 year old with a horrible bowl cut. but i was 4. and i just wanted my mom to listen to me and look at me. and she was dismissive to me in the videos like not outright cruel but exasperated with me for constantly trying to stick my head into the shot and asking for her attention. and when she would say “not now tess” or “tess you’re blocking him” etc etc i apologized for it and that part was sad too. idk. all of it was sad. i knew watching this shit that i was probably gonna stir stuff up which would be dangerous esp bc i don’t have therapy until the end of the month and i did stir things up just in watching the documented footage of it. i wish it was safe to post some of it on here bc it’s genuinely… like i feel like i don’t get to say it was sad bc i was being annoying and attention seeking but it’s sad.

on top of that.. i couldn’t get the vcr to play shit on my laptop bc i didn’t have the right equipment for it so i had to play it on the tv. and my whole family eventually caught on to me watching it and have watched clips of it with me now. and that’s just so complicated. bc they’re all adding their commentary about it too and im letting them and inviting them bc i don’t know how to set boundaries. and my mom… god. my mom is DOUBLING DOWN on exactly the same stuff she said in the video when we were FOUR YEARS OLD. saying that my sister and i got to be filmed so much when we were babies and now it’s our brother’s turn. and i get that. i really do. i know i got attention when i was a baby and i can’t deny that. i know it wouldn’t have been fair or healthy or whatever to neglect him in favor of me / us. but also… i was FOUR!!!!! i was too little to understand what the politics of attention meant. and it just kind of fucking sucks that she’s holding that against me NOW too (as she said multiple times today / tonight) like saying scornfully that i was always so jealous of him and she doesn’t understand why i needed attention so badly since i never had undivided attention in the first place as a twin. like… i was a little kid. what did you expect me to do just like magically not need attention anymore and understand that the baby gets all the attention and go busy myself somewhere. idk. i feel entitled / selfish for saying it WHICH IS THE WHOLE PROBLEM like that video tape literally documents whatever mental issues i have now emerging… like me learning that i wasn’t important anymore and that when i sought attention i was just getting in the way and being annoying. lol

AND…. on top of all of this… sitting down with my mom and siblings and showing the videos and laughing over it and inviting their laughter even though it hurts to watch and it hurts to laugh at it and to hear them laughing… my mom’s focus in WATCHING these videos 20 years later is almost ENTIRELY on my brother!!!!!!! STILL!!!!! like the whole reason i had the clips i had was to… idk. trace the genesis of my mental illness and she wasn’t even paying attention to that she was just cooing over my brother. and when i told her why i was watching these / attempted to point out the patterns she got exasperated with me for overanalyzing everyrhing and navel gazing etc etc to an unhealthy degree. i fucking give up lol

it feels stupid selfish etc etc to be spiraling abt this and i usually don’t make long multi paragraph posts but like. god. this was a mistake. i never should’ve done this. it happened with the whole coming out day snapchat story thing too among other episodes. every time i dig up a thing from the past that she did that hurt me and try to explain it in retrospect she never changes her tune or comforts me or expresses any understanding or anything. she just doubles down on what she said / did before that hurt me so bad and it hurts me all over again. it could’ve been so much worse and the experience of adjusting to having a new sibling is universal and not a big deal in the slightest but it was a big deal for me. i so clearly took it hard and needed attention from my fucking mom!!! and that wound is still raw and now ive ripped it wide open again. scared little girl moment

[shallowseeker]

From the 14x19 script, Cas reminds Sam of this important fact:

From above: CAS: Everyone processes grief differently. SAM: I'm not sure he's processing anything.

But, see. Dean was processing. He was crying and grieving and processing in his own way. When Sam said, "We have to decide what to do about Jack," Dean insisted that he needed more time.

Sam, on the other hand, wanted to power through. Previously, at Mary's pyre in 14x18, he prevented Cas from going to Dean. (I think they may have surprised Sam with what they might've been able to work through, given that they're still in proximity during 14x19.)

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(Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)

[gyaruogutz]

Might change blog theme a bit as a distraction!! Brain is fuzzy & Operator is being a Bitch About It so before she completely shuts the rest of us down in her monthly madness descent we will try to aim energy elsewhere if possible.

— XIII 🌈

[eve-nightengale]

😎 didn't start bawling like a baby in my psych appointment. Like a boss.

[alteredsilicone]

Euleria picking up a lot of Loid's quirks is one of the things that feeds into Albrecht's self doubt.

[roseofcards90]

Actually wait I found a better picture that shows my point better:

HEAD IN HANDS SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP—

[umbracirrus]

I wonder if Balgruuf's arms get cold often.

[justplaggin]

awake from my slumber and ready to catch up with the litty prittle guys

[kissesofaprincess]

I am mentally stable (A lie, I related too much to Azula as a child)