#thank fuck i have remote learning for school

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

i'd love to see more from the poly reader x poolverine verse im obsessed w them

"I didn't realize your... roommates were home today," Your sister said helping the youngest into his coat.

"It's what happens when you don't call," you caution. "They live here. You want free babysitting, you accept the terms. Sometimes it's kazoos. Sometimes it's roommates." For now, you'd accept her calling them roommates. It was partly true. And it was less rude than what your mother had said. She called them your caretakers.

Sarah narrowed her eyes at you and you shrugged, "They're fed and in one piece. And Zach has part of his social studies paper done. You're welcome."

She watched for a second as her boys willingly accepted hugs and kisses as you ignored her, beseeching them to learn something at school and make good choices and she sighed, "Thanks."

"Call next time," you tell her giving her a meaningful look. You didn't live alone anymore. And if she didn't want her kids exposed to certain things then she needed to give you enough lead time to hide those things... Today she got lucky.

________________

"Shhh," Wade said, holding up a hand, "You hear that?"

"Hear what?" Logan said opening a beer.

"Silence," Wade sighed, sinking on to the couch next to you, handing you a glass of wine. "Holy shit."

"And that's why I like being the cool Aunt," You tell him yawning. "I show up late. I bring presents. I leave before the crying starts. And then I enjoy my nice quiet house."

Logan snorted and reached over to rub your neck as he took your other side and picked up the remote, "Nice little racket, bub."

You take a sip from your glass and stretch, snuggling into Logan's side and putting your feet in Wade's lap, "Not too shabby, boys."

"For roommates," Wade teased, smacking the bottoms of your feet affectionately. "Didn't know roommates fuck like we fuck."

"Sorry-"

Logan grunted and wrapped his arm around you, "Pause was doin' some heavy lifting there."

"Mom... doesn't approve. What dad knows depends on the day. And I think my grandparents would just drop fucking dead. So. There's that." You lean over and lift a sleepy Mary into your lap and stroke her back before resting your head against Logn again. They are who they are and you are who you are. You don't fit in with the cookie cutter perfect family they have and you haven't from the second you took your first breath. But you fit here with a variant and a mercenary and their ugly little rat dog.

"We could ruin Christmas," Wade offered, "Just go make out in front of-"

"Or," you hum, "we can leave well enough alone so I can still hang out with the kids and let them have someone around that's somehow less fucked up even if I'm objectively a mess."

The boys traded a look and Logan kissed the top of your head. They'd work out the specifics later but for now, as long as your sister kept her comments to herself they'd behave- mostly. As long as it meant you got to see the kids. Because it was clear it made you happy, and because; truth be told, it hadn't been too bad today.

Wade cradled one of your feet in his hand and grinned, "I got a question."

"Might have and answer," you tell him, hissing when his thumb hit a tender spot on your instep.

"Why do all the rugrats call you, Shush?"

"My parent's housekeeper calls me Sugar," you answer. "Everyone sort of adopted it and Zach couldn't say it- so it devolved into Shush and stuck."

"Stop it, that's precious," Wade cooed, "I thought they called you that because they were always telling you to shut-"

"Not all of us went to school thinking our first name was Damn it," you snort.

Logan smirked and let go of you long enough to light his cigar. "What'd she call your sister?" he asked.

"Honey. Or Princess if she was being annoying... it's just that neither ever really stuck."

[strxnqerthinqz]

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

click to see the pics better <3

[russellsppttemplates]

A little hope (Part 2) (Lando Norris)

In which Lando realises he learnt a few things in school, and yet the only way to learn about you is hoping you'll have him by your side

Note: english is not my first language. This is part two of A little hope, which got a lot of love, so thank you for that 😊 hopefully you enjoy this ending! Thank you so much for the love on that piece ✨️

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions a couple's fight, self deprecation moments, body image insecurity, signs and symptoms of anxiety, online hate comments, sickness, curse words, allusions to smut

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

Somatic or not, your stomach was not handling any food. The minute you ate something, you were sure to bring if up a few moments later since you had arrived home, "for fuck's sake", you groaned, resting your head on your forearm on the edge of the toilet, taking a deep breath.

When you felt strong enough, you walked back to your bed, noticing the clock was reading six in the morning already. Rolling to the other side, you hoped you'd be able to sleep it off, but when your alarm rung, you felt even worse than before.

Getting your phone again along with your glasses, you opened the Team's group chat, writing a quick text to let them know that you didn't feel well and you wouldn't be able to join them today and that you would try your best to get ahead on the projects you could work on remotely. A few minutes later, Tara and Max texted back.

Tara TQ

I'm sorry to hear that, Y/N, I hope you feel better soon! Don't worry about anything else other than getting better! 💚

Max

Feel better soon, Y/N! Don't worry about work, we've got it!

A good while later you woke up again, feeling slightly better, you had enough energy to eat some plain crackers and drink some tea, feeling that it was actually settling in your stomach for the first time in the last couple of hours.

Taking in the stride, you went to the bathroom, hoping a shower would clean the night sweats away and give you a little boost. Just in case, you supported yourself on the wall, keeping close to it just in case your legs faltered while you let the water cascade down your hair to your back and legs, washing your hair quickly and rinsing your body wash from your skin. You wrapped your fluffy robe around your body and a towell for your hair, laying in bed to rest a little.

Skipping your usual routine, you dressed in some comfy clothes, a hoodie you had stolen from Lando and some plaid pyjama pants, inhaling the comforting scent. That was something you should think about, it wasn't fair to leave Lando waiting for you, and you needed to sort it out.

As if on cue, your doorbell rang, leaving you to think it was the mailman with a package for your neighbours as you would often take it for them whenever they weren't home.

"Hi! Are you Y/N Y/L/N?", a guy that looked a few years older than you checked, "yes, that's me", you squinted, "I have this, it was ordered for you. Enjoy it!", he said as he handed you a takeout bag.

Thanking him, you closed the door, seeing a little note attached to the bag.

This is a little something to help you get better soon. There's some chicken soup, pasta when you feel up to it, something sweet and some tea bags.

Love you, Lando 🤍

Smiling at the little note, your heart squeezed as you realised that the subject shouldn't go past this week.

While you heated up the soup, you grabbed your phone, opening your conversation with Lando so you could thank him.

I just got the takeout bag, thank you. I'm slowly coming back to feeling better, it's probably some forty-eight hour bug and my body telling me to slow down.

I think we should talk soon, whenever you have the time, tough. There's no rush!

I love you ✨️

"So, today we're taking over the stream!", Lando announced to the camera, smiling and waving as the chat went wild.

"We are just going to game, I think, as there has been a change of plans and we don't really know how to follow up to what we had planned to do", Max referred to the planned stream for Quadrant. The original idea came from the fans as they wanted to get to know the behind the scenes of the team, and just for luck, this week was for Graphic Design.

"We're making do with what we have, and as soon as we're able, we'll do the behind the scenes for all the graphic designing things that go on at Quadrant!", Lando smiled sympathetically, the memory of you fond as your message sparked his hope, and the chat didn't seem to mind it too much.

I was hoping to see Y/N and Lando call me single in eighteen different languages, but I really do miss her

I take it she didn't even bother to show up, she's learnt her lesson I guess

Wasn't Y/N supposed to join them?

You can tell by Lando's face that he misses her, they're so cute together

It looks better like this, honestly

Imagine having to call your boyfriend to tell him that you can't show up to work

She probably doesn't even work, Lando has someone doing the job while she sits still and looks pretty

What do you mean? She doesn't even look pretty ??

Maybe she's ill or had something else to do? Can't you people be a little bit more empathetic and kind for once?

Max noticed how his bestfriend's attention was on the chat, looking at the same flood of comments he did before clearing his throat, "so, do we feel like racing or are we leaning towards another game?", he interjected, pulling Lando away from the screen slightly, "you choose, I'm not fancying anything particular. Only that I know that I'll beat you at anything", he chuckled.

Once they ended the stream, Lando tidied the room a little bit as Max switched the equipment off, "is that what you were talking about the other day? About Y/N?", he questioned.

"Yes. We have been talking to the platform managers, but they haven't restricted everything apparently", Max said, knowing better than to not tell him the truth.

"Who do they think they are to say things like that about someone they don't know? I get that I receive such things because I'm out there, but Y/N is barely a public person! She doesn't deserve that!", Lando huffed.

"Have you guys talked about it yet?", he questioned, having noticed that Lando hadn't texted you in the group chat but that he had a spring up in his step that afternoon.

"She texted me today, actually. We've been keeping to ourselves, we weren't in the right mind to discuss what needs to be discussed until now", he smiled, "I'm still unsure of going to see her today or tomorrow, since she's sick I don't want to bother her too much, and I could use someone else's perspective because I have a funny way with words and I don't want to get it wrong because I'm not a book worm and seem almost illiterate on any good day", he admitted.

"That's good, mate! Start going then, we're thinking out loud", Max encouraged, happy to see friend in high spirits. Because he had known him for so long, Max knew how different this relationship was from his past ones. They weren't bad or wrong, and they helped shape Lando into who he is and how he behaves. The way he cared about Y/N was different and Max couldn't find it in him and lie about the fact that he thought the young woman was it.

"Like you said, it's the fact that she's lost her name because of who she dates. All of a sudden, none of her achievements are valuable, worthy or even acknowledged because she's my girlfriend. Our relationship had nothing to do with her employment - hell, I only met her because she applied, otherwise Goodness knows where I would've met the love of my life - and, and I've been doing this thing where I just call her my girlfriend and I now understand that can be discrediting of her, like I just see her as my girlfriend. But the more I think about it, the more I realise I do it out of genuine pride of her. Look at me! I'm a muppet and I drive around in circles in the weekends, and she! That woman, this woman!", he showed him his lockscreen, a picture of the two of you, "she is the most talented person I've met and I'm so proud that I'm hers and she's mine!".

"I think you're underestimating yourself a little, but you've also played above your game", he chuckled, "and about the comments?", he wondered. Even though it wasn't your biggest concern, he knew one person could only muster up so much before letting it get to them.

"Like you said, we'll work with the platforms, if we have her permission we can also put out a statement about it. With her or anyone on the team, we don't tolerate offense", Lando said, "I want to make this as safe as possible, and the fact that it took her for us to notice it is a learning curve".

"Now you just need to be concise about it", Max tapped his back, "I'm sure she loves that babble situation of yours, thinks it's cute and all, but explain well enough", he smirked.

Like he thought, when he texted you to know how you were feeling, he got your reply awhile later saying that you were feeling better and the nap you had was helpful, and then another one saying he could swing by the next day if he wanted to.

Hoping the night made you feel better, Lando texted you the time he was planning to join you, scheduling his training session for the late morning so he could have a good lunch after his shower and get his plans started. You weren't swooned by big dates or big gestures, but rather small meaningful heartfelt things, so he stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some medication to restock your stash and your favourite chocolate.

"Hey, love", you smiled as you opened the door, seeing an equally smiling Lando, "come in, come in", you nudged as he stepped forward, eyes meeting a silently giving consent for a kiss on the cheek.

Silently, Lando left his trainers by the door, walking hand in hand with you to the living room, "are you feeling back to 100%?", he questioned as you sat down on the sofa, on your sides so you could face eachother while his hand played with yours still.

"Yes. I'm glad it's Saturday and I don't have to take any more days, and I can rest up without feeling guilty. And you, how have you been?", you wondered back, not knowing if he wanted to jump straight in the topic.

"I've been well. I was a little worried when you said you were sick, but now I'm better knowing that you're doing well... and that you're ready to tall about us", he blushed, eyes looking into yours.

"I want to thank you for waiting and understanding, and I want to apologise if in this mean time something I did hurt you or made you feel like you weren't welcomed in my life", you gulped, "I'm not used to feeling so little - fuck, I've never been called that - and I spiralled out to the point where I could only think that, through no fault of your own or my own, I'd lose my identity. I'd be Lando's girlfriend, and not Y/N, and I freaked out a little", you explained.

"You had your reasons, love. I'm just glad and thankful that you feel comfortable to tell me how you feel", Lando comforted, bringing your hand up to his lips as he kissed the soft skin.

"I didn't know you felt that way. Maybe I didn't see it or didn't want to see it, the way people were talking about you - and that is something we are going to figure out once for all - but I missed it. Whenever I say you're my girlfriend, it's not because that's just who you are. It's the fact that I'm incredibly proud of you, than I can't believe your my girlfriend and I just say it because I like to show you off, too!

"I learned so much stuff in school despite what I may appear to know, subtracting and multiplying with decimals, all of the capital cities, even though I'm still shit at them, yet, no one taught me how to prepare for this, for you, for how I feel about you. And I'm so proud of you that I tell it to everyone that you're my girlfriend, not because you're just that, but because I love you and you're so amazing", he exhaled out. Even though he had his usually silly tone, there was deep seriousness in his words still.

"You're confident, I love that about you, and to know that indirectly I was the person to put a dent in that makes me wonder if you should stick around me, because I don't want to ever hurt you. And maybe this is selfish, but I don't want to live without you. Now that I've known what it is like to have you in my life, to be yours, I don't want anyone else", he gulped at his own admission. Throughout the years, he learnt about vulnerability and came to terms with his own. Right now, it was bare for anyone to see.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't your own person, and I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you or disrespect you", he sighed, seeing your watery eyes, "no tears, baby, I can't stand to see you cry", he whispered, cleaning the stray tear that made it's way down your cheek.

"I love you, Lando. I'm the luckiest girl to be able to see you for you, no titles or sponsorships, just you, around your friends and family, see your vulnerability, and I'm the luckiest because I get to be loved by you. So many people around you love you, and I get to be one of those you love back", you scooted closer to him, hands cupping his cheek before you kissed his lips.

"I always want you to be honest with me, baby. Anything you need to tell me, we will fix it, I know we will. I love how you always cry when Boo and Sulley hug for the last time in Monsters Inc. no matter how much times you've seen it, because you always let me know how you feel, and I want that for us. I'll show you how I feel too, and you can nag me when I don't. You're it, Y/N, no one else", he stated, "things people are saying about you are not okay, but Max and I, and the media team, too, are working on something".

"I don't care about who you've dated before, genuinely. But the fact that I'm bombarded everyday with comments regarding my body or my job from people who don't have any knowledge and only want to hurt, it's hard", you admitted, keeping your promise of showing him how you felt.

"You shouldn't because I don't either. I'm with you, and I plan to be with you for as long as you'll have me. I love you, I love your body, I love your personality and everything that you are", he said, getting up as he pulled you with him.

"Up", Lando said as he tapped your hip, helping you jump and wrap your legs around his waist, "where are you taking me?", you giggled, your hands coming to the nape of his neck and fiddling with his curls, "I'm taking you to the bed, and I'm going to love on you for the next couple of hours. We are going to have slow and soft sex, love making if you will, just to show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me".

[wjhik]

Maybe We Were a Bit Too Loud.. (Jude Bellingham) *Smut*

A/N: been a bit too many Jude stories. if yall have any trent requests pls send

Y/N's POV:

Jude and I have both been so occupied in our work, we have barely got any time to spend with our daughter, let alone ourselves. Kiera had a play at school, so I got off work early. Unfortunately, Jude couldn't make it. She was quite upset about it, but I made sure to make it up to her. We had a girls day. We went to the Salon and got our nails done. I needed a refill on my nails and she wanted to get some color for her birthday party in a few days. I also got her some ice cream and had a shopping spree.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Kiera yells. She really doesn't have to be so loud. I'm right next to her. It has been a long day. As fun as it was, it was fucking exhausting. I look at her and she shows me some toy that she has, explaining it as if I didn't buy it for her. "Honey, that's amazing." I play into her excitement. "Mum, I'm hungry." She tells me, abruptly dropping her toy. "Let's get you some food, my little hungry bunny." I say, scooping her up and kissing her tummy. She starts wriggling in a fit of ticklish laughter.

I finish making spaghetti Bolognese as per my hungry bunny's request. She's just like her father. I take out her Minnie Mouse plate from the kitchen cabinet and give her some pasta. I also pair it with some leftover mashed potato and some freshly steamed broccoli and carrots. "Mama! I don't like carrots!" Kiera yells, very politely. "I know, sweetheart, but if you don't want to end up with glasses like mama, you have to have them." I tell her. She's not a picky eater, unlike me, but carrots are her weakness. It's not fun waking up to see a blurry husband, and if she wants to escape my genetic curse of poor eyesight, she has to eat her carrot. "Hmph. Fine." She says, crossing her arms but still listening to me. She's such a blessing.

As I'm serving myself the spaghetti and the vegetables (purely to be a good roll model to my daughter) for myself, I hear the door lock rattling. I look up to see my husband walk through the door. "Daddy!!" Kiera yells, attempting to get off of our high counter chairs. Jude quickly walks to his carbon copy and picks her up. "Hello, my love." He says, littering her face with kisses and placing her back on her chair. She continues munching away at her veggies. "Mhh...Whatever you made smells amazing." He says, walking to the back of the counter, where I place my plate onto the table and get out his plate. "Spaghetti Bolognese." I tell him. He grabs me by the waist and places a kiss on my head. "Missed ya." He says, then placing a kiss on my lips. "Missed you too." I reply. "Ewwww." We hear a little voice say. Our little love session is interrupted by Kiera fake gagging. She learns too much from Jobe. "Alright, alright. Go sit down, love." I tell Jude. He sits down and I place his food in front of him. He quickly gobbles it up.

"Mama, can we watch bluey?" Kiera asks. "No, honey. It's mama's turn to choose." Jude says. Kiera is sat on her little pink blanket at the left in of our very large L-shaped white couch. Jude and I are sitting on the right side. "But, daddy-" She argues back. "No 'but's." Jude says sternly. "You got your turn yesterday, and I was before you. Mama's last few turns were taken by us, too. It's time we let her choose." He explains to our daughter. She lets out a huff and puff. "Jude, it's not that serious. Let her watch. I'm pretty tired anyways." I whisper to Jude a bit too loud. "Yay! Thank you, mama!" She says, taking the remote from Jude and playing her show. "Baby, you can't give in." Jude begins a lecture. "Hey, don't tell me. You're the one who spoils her." I tell him. I'm supposed to be the strict parent, not him.

Jude put's his arm over my shoulders after the 76th episode of these stupid Australian dogs. I would go to bed, but this is the only family time we've had in weeks. I reach for my phone to check when bedtime will roll around. I let out a sigh as I realize tomorrow is a weekend, therefor she can sleep in. Jude senses my frustration and pulls me in deeper. Kiera's trance is broken when she looks over to see her parents at peace. She immediately stands up on the couch makes the strut towards us. She decides to sit right in between Jude and I, of course cuddling him and giving me her back. Jude and I's cuddle session was cut way too short.

My head moves from it’s comfortable position on the back of the couch to look at where the little snores are coming from. I see our little monkey finally asleep after 3 long hours of Australian dogs. I pat Jude's arm and he, in response, picks her up and starts walking towards the stairs. I clean up some of the cups, snacks, and toys left on the coffee table and quickly follow Jude's path. I close the baby gate at the top of the stairs Jude installed when Kiera starting crawling and head towards Keira's bedroom. I creak the door open to see Jude putting her into bed. He firmly tucks her into bed and places her pink bunny next to her. On his way out, he turns on her moon-shaped nightlight, as she's afraid of the dark, and shuts the door behind him.

Jude backs out of the room, still facing his daughter. He turns around and gets slightly startled by me standing directly behind him. "Fuck, baby. You scared me. I didn't know you were there." He says putting his hand on his own chest. "I'm sorry." I tell him, nuzzling myself into his chest. I haven't been able to feel Jude without another little lady jumping on him. Jude places his hand on the back of my head and pushes me further into him. "Let's get you to bed, pretty lady." He grabs my hand and leads me to our shared bedroom.

"Where are you going? You've already done all your bathroom shit." He tells me as I throw the blanket off myself. "Mama's going to go change into some PJs. She doesn't feel like being caught in a bra and panties when Keira decides to love bomb you tomorrow morning." Did I just say that? "Mama's gonna do what?" Jude makes fun of my use of 'mom language'. "See what this damn kid is doing to me?" I tell him, walking into our walk-in closet. I walk into my side of our closet. I open the drawer of 'sexy' underwear I have. it's basically has cobwebs on it. I pick out Jude's formerly favorite white set. I look at myself in the mirror, feeling better about myself than the last time I put it on.

Jude took me to a fancy hotel a few weeks after Keira was born to give me a break. I decided to bring along this set to 'impress' him. I was freshly postpartum, and I felt very insecure. I haven't put it on since then, but I've been working hard to get my prepartum body back. Obviously, I don't look the same as young, active, 20-year-old Y/N Jude met, but I would say I look pretty darn okay. I quickly slip on a silky robe, coming right under my arse. I tie it in a way where it cinches my waist and leaving the front open enough to give Jude a peak of his former bestie.

Jude is sat up on his side of the bed, book in hand. (Jude 110% does not read before but, but dad!jude does) I walk over to my side of the bed, taking an excessive amount of time in hopes that Jude will notice me. "Hey, baby? I was wondering if- Whoa." He says, taking his eyes away from his book. "Whoa?" I say, pretending to be clueless. Jude quickly puts his book on the side table and pushes the blanket off of his lap. He gets up and walks towards me. I open my arms for him to come into. He grabs my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck. "You look amazing, love." He tells me, leaning in to kiss my neck. He starts licking and sucking on the sensitive spot behind my ear. "Jude..." I moan, throwing my head back. Jude leaves my neck and puts his hands right where my robe ends. He effortlessly lifts me up.

He goes back to kissing me as he walks us over to the bed. He places me in the middle of it. He undoes my robe and kisses me from my neck down to my stomach. He leaves a few bites and marks on my stomach. He works his way down to my panties and slowly takes them off. He starts to lick and suck on my clit. He slowly works his way up to using 3 fingers inside me. I'm moaning and whining with my hands in his hair. "Fuck, Jude. That feels so good!" I moan out, grabbing his hair even tighter. Normally, he would talk a lot during sex, but he's so focus on me and making me feel good that he can't be bothered to dirty talk.

"Fuck, baby. Just like that. Ride me like that. Taking me so well." He says, pushing my hips back and forth. He has my robe open up top, but tied up. I ended up getting too cold, but we were too eager to stop to change the temperature, so I put on the robe again. I have my hands on his chest, using him as leverage to keep me moving. I feel my legs give out, and Jude senses it. He grabs me and flips me onto the bed. He quickly gives me a passionate kiss and pulls out of me. "Turn over, baby. On your belly." He tells me. I quickly obey, too horny to resist. I get on my hands and knees. Jude pushes his dick back in and thrusts into me at an ungodly pace. The headboard is slamming against our wall, and I'm making some very loud and lewd noises. Jude reaches up to my head and grabs a handful of my long hair. He wraps it around his hand and uses it to pull my head back. He uses this to kiss my neck, leaving even more marks than before. He pulls me off my hands and makes me grab the headboard. He wraps his unused hand around my throat and squeezes lightly. "You like that, baby? Like the way I'm fucking you?" Jude grunts into my ear. "Yes, baby. Fuck, you fuck me so good!" I moan out. I can feel a knot start to go undone in my stomach. "Baby, I'm gonna-" I tell him, reaching back to put my hands in his hair. "I know, sweetie. Cum for me. Cum around me, my love." As I hear that, I quickly let my orgasm wash over me, Jude following close behind me, filling me up with his warm cum.

"That was amazing." He tells me, kissing my sweaty forehead. Jude had cleaned me and himself up and gotten us some very fancy champagne from our wine cellar. "I know. I'm glad we got some time alone, finally." I tell him, looking up to kiss his lips. It's been way too long since Jude and I got freaky. It's hard to find the time when you're raising the clingiest child of all time. Jude takes a sip of his sparkly drink and turns on the electronic fireplace. It's mainly ambience, but it's nice to have. He turns off the two nightlights and gets comfy. Him and I drink and talk the night away, until we both cave to our parental positions and fall asleep with a show in the background.

(Time skip)

I open my eyes to see a blurry world. I reach over to the side table where I fumble until I find my glasses. I put them on and turn to face my husband. Somewhere along the night, he turned off the T.V. and tucked us into bed, taking off my glasses and placing them on my side table. On the rare occasion where I get to see him, he looks so beautiful in the mornings. I snuggle into him and kiss his forehead. I nuzzle into him and close my eyes once again, enjoying the quite morning. No rush. No Keira. This is nice. I feel Jude stirring slightly. He knows I'm awake as I have my glasses on. He places a kiss on my lips as I kiss him back. "Good morning." I tell him, giddy as ever. It's like it's our first night together at his mum's place again. "Good morning, love." He says in his raspy morning voice. Him and I chat a little before hearing a door creak open. I look over Jude's shoulder to see Kiera standing there with her bunny in her hands, her hair wild as ever.

"Can I come in?" She asks, rubbing her eyes. I quickly but discreetly slip on my panties that were discarded the night before. "Of course, love." Jude says, opening his arms to his baby girl. He places her in the middle of us, and for once she chooses to cuddle me and not Jude. I accept her cuddles with open arms and pull her in closer. "I like this. It's soft." She tells me, rubbing over my robe. Jude lets out a laugh and kisses the back of her head. He slings his arm over the two of us and pulls us into him.

"Daddy? I have a question." She asks her father who has his head on the pillow and his eyes closed. He lets out a 'hmm?' while keeping his eyes closed. "Are you nice to mama?" Jude and and I are both shocked by the question. "Of course he is, baby. Why are you asking?" I ask her. "I heard some banging on the wall yesterday and you yelling." She tells us, now sitting up. Jude and I both mentally face palm. I look at him, expecting an answer just to see him looking at me the same way. "Sweety, mama and I were just playing. She's fine." Jude explains to her. "But you said that you shouldn't play in a way where people get hurt." She says crossing her arms, visibly upset with her daddy. "Baby, I wasn't hurt." I tell her, rubbing her arm. "Then, why were you yelling?" She asks. "Umm..." I look over to Jude for an answer once again, but he is looking around the room, playing dumb. Amazing. "You know how you start yelling when your daddy tickles you? Like that." I come up with an excuse. "Oh. Daddy tickled you for a long time then." Jude starts snickering and I simply nod. Keira nods, satisfied with the answer. Jude tells her to go use the toilet and brush her teeth. She gets up and marches out of the room.

"So, can I tickle you again?"

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[inkblot22]

Truss

Woohoo Malleus woohoo! I'm making the trigger list a bit bigger because I keep thinking about how people will totally skip reading it if it's too small and then blame the writer for their own mistake. That shit is clown behavior but I don't want to be held responsible for someone else's case of stupid, so sorry to those of you who think this looks clunky. Line divider found here: @/cafekitsune. This is also a fic that is wildly self-indulgent, in that I mean that while writing I visualized my own physical form and quirks.

That being said, this fic is written with afab (assigned female at birth) readers in mind. No pronouns other than you are used for the reader, but the reader does possess a womb. Reader's chest is not described in the least, just the lower bits, and even then it's not at length. Malleus also refers to the reader as "beauty," but masculine people can be beautiful too so idk but here's a warning anyways.

This fic is DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT. TW for noncon, fae interaction rules used for said noncon, slight bullying if you squint, one (1) mention of blood (I'm beginning to think I have a problem.) Stay safe while reading. Possible OOC Malleus, I haven't read any of book 7 and if you spoil it I'll block you temporarily.

This is absolutely not your fault, and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. It’s awful. Crewel was for sure his namesake, because this whole thing was a steaming pile of-

Alright, from the top, just to organize your thoughts: you are the only non-magic student in a school of mages. The teachers are mages. Your best friend/roommate/monster friend is a mage. The plants here can do magic, but you? No. Thanks homeworld. Love the gift of nothing.

Thus, the faculty have seemingly created a game of “how to piss off and challenge the magicless student,” in which they give you various tasks to just make you lose sleep. Vargas had you running laps until your legs felt like jelly, doing pushups until your shoulders started sounding like glowsticks. Trein had you learning completely off the wall trivia, such as what type of fabric the Queen of Heart’s favorite bathrobe was made of and why it made her more powerful. That’s nothing, it’s easy because you apparently have so much free time in their eyes. But Crewel? Fuck that man. 

When you got the assignment, it sounded fun and exciting. He gave you seeds for a fast-growing rose thing. Honestly you weren’t paying attention to the name of it, but you retained what you needed to know. The plant only grew in moonlight, so you needed to cover it before you went inside at night. It needed a minimum of two hours of moonlight to grow per night. If the basket was overturned and it was exposed to the sun, then the plants would die. Moderate watering, no fertilizer, the usual.

Once the plants bloomed, you were supposed to take the flowers and make some kind of glamour potion, so here you are, failing at doing so. You only had four flowers, and you’re down to the last one. You wasted three tries and you still have no idea what the hell you’re doing wrong and it’s due next alchemy class and you’re breaking curfew on top of all of it. You glare into your cauldron with your latest failed attempt and hunker down to shoulder against the side so you can dump it out and try again. 

“Oh, it’s you.”

The voice makes you jump out of your skin. You turn around and you almost want to cry tears of joy, because if anyone can help you, it’s him.

“When I saw a little head duck down, I thought that something strange was happening. A crime, perhaps.” Malleus smiles, and it’s not a kind smile, but you’ll take anything remotely positive at this point, “What are you doing on the floor, child of man?”

“Oh, I have to empty the cauldron.” You puff out, still trying to throw your weight to push the cauldron. You did it twice earlier, so this must be the effects of mental and physical fatigue.

“Oh, that’s right. Allow me.” Rather than waving a hand or anything, Malleus strolls on over and uncrosses his arms, taking one hand and pressing his fingertips against the lip of the cauldron. The whole damn thing tips, the failed mixture pouring out into the nearby drain. With the same ease, he tilts it back and turns to you.

When he looks at you, it’s… weird. You know he’s lizard-like, as dragons evidently are, but even Sebek’s eyes aren’t this jarring. They aren’t soulless or cold or unfeeling, but it feels like he is looking through you. His emotions don’t reflect in his eyes properly. That’s what it feels like. They reflect, but it’s wrong. Fractured. His lips quirk into a smile and you blink.

“Uh… wait, what are you doing out here, Tsunotaro?” You ask, turning to gather more materials, following the transcript of your recording from class.

His smile grows, “Just on a walk. Will you tell me what you’re trying to make?”

“Uh, yeah. This glamour potion? I don’t know. Remember how I was growing those flowers?”

“Of course. And what happened to the rest?”

“I… uh… I messed up the other potions. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.”

“No?”

“No. Do… do you think you could maybe… help me?”

“Of course.” Malleus plucks the flower up, twirling it thoughtfully, “Why don’t you gather the other ingredients?”

That was simple enough. Petals from your tediously grown blooms, some kind of floral oil with tiny white flowers inked on the label, a ball of clay no bigger than a pea, something that really resembled a severed finger, something that was hopefully just someone’s baby tooth, a handful of crystals in a rainbow of colors, and water. Lots of water. Malleus watches as you put all your ingredients on the nearby table and hums thoughtfully before dimming the lights and turning back to you.

“And where did you hear that you needed these things?” He asks. It’s not something that he says with any indication that you’re right or wrong. The tone is bland but the words say enough. 

He has essentially told you before that he believes you inept, a babe in the woods when it comes to this sort of thing, but it doesn’t stop you from looking as hurt as you feel, “The headmage visited class and gave me some pointers?”

“You personally or the entire class? I don’t personally recall concocting anything like this when I was in your grade.” He says.

You suppose you’re grateful that he’s so blunt, but his flat tone makes the sting of your failure that much sharper. You thought he’d be nicer, since you two are sort of friends, and Lilia has told you that Malleus is fond of you, but it also makes just as much sense for him to refrain from easing up in his flatness because he supposedly thinks so much of you. He thinks you’re an idiot, but he’s not willing to treat you as such.

“The whole class. And no one else in my grade is doing this.” You mutter, staring at your assortment of items on the table.

He approaches the table and plucks up the beaker of water, twisting it in his hand, “Did you distill this?”

“What?”

“Tap water often has various minerals in it. If you haven’t been using distilled water, you’ve been adding an extra ingredient. Typically, most potions are much more forgiving and you can use tap water with little issue, but this particular potion is known to be disagreeable.” He murmurs, crossing the room with your beaker of water and setting it up to distill with a practiced ease. “That’s why it’s typically saved for fourth year students’ aptitude testing.”

The revelation hit you like a ton of bricks. You’d like to protest but it unfortunately makes sense. Malleus looks over at you, somewhat blandly, then turns around to face you, looking half concerned.

You answer his question before he can ask, “I didn’t… know that. I guess it’s my fault for being from a different world…”

His lips twitch into a smile, and for a moment you can see amusement in his eyes, fractured with the underlying coldness, “Oh, it isn’t. It may be your fault for failing to ask questions, but having someone who is unused to this type of work take on an advanced project is cruel.”

“You think so?” You ask, voice lilting with hope.

“Of course I do. Why you’re expected to make a potion of this caliber is beyond me.” Malleus states blankly.

“Uh, yeah. I- I don’t know either. But thank you for helping me!”

His expression flinches. It lasts for less than a second before it smooths into an odd grin. You’re not quite sure what that means, but you’re too happy to stop and think about it. The water finishes distilling and you carefully begin crafting, using the tips Malleus occasionally mumbles towards you. Don’t put that ingredient in yet, stir clockwise, you need to grind that up with the oil, don’t rush you have time, et cetera, et cetera, and then you have a gorgeous violet mixture, glimmering with a pearlescent golden sheen.

Your jaw drops. Somehow the few ingredients you threw together is enough to fill several bottles. Malleus is making a smug face as you rush to the shelves of empty bottles and choose several fluted bottles, quickly using a ladle to deposit the final, successful potion into the bottles. You’re so giddy with your success that you hardly notice as Malleus walks towards the door and locks it. But only hardly.

“What was that for?” You ask, not actually caring. You’re too happy to be worried.

“Oh, we’ll need privacy.” He responds.

That part confuses you enough into caring. You turn around from where you’ve safely wrapped the bottles and slipped them into your bag and shoot Malleus a frown, “Privacy? For what?”

Malleus doesn’t say anything. He walks over to the table and you feel your body stand up, void of your control, and stagger over to stand in front of him. If you were concerned before, you’re frightened now. Malleus looks down at you with his strange gaze and folds his arms.

“Wh-what’s happening?! Why can’t I move?”

“You really don’t know?” He asks. Something about his tone sounds mocking, but you’re certain he doesn’t mean it to be. It’s his version of sarcasm, he’s spoken to you like this before.

Your body hops up on the table, taking a seat, and Malleus turns to stand before you, looking down at you with a soft smile. You shift your hips- what the fuck is going on- and Malleus very gently hooks his hands in the pants of your dorm uniform.

Your dorm uniform is legit whatever the hell you want it to be, so it would change on the daily. Today it was a pair of jeans and a hooded jacket. He kneels to remove your shoes and stands back up, leaning close as he tilts your chin up. His breath fans over your lips.

“You didn’t tell me that you were so lovely beneath your clothes.” His hand on your chin shifted to your cheek, and his other hand laid flat on the table. “And… your smell is much stronger. Are you aroused?”

“You can’t just ask me that! I don’t know what you did but you’ve got to let me go.”

“I didn’t do anything. This is your doing.” He retorts, pecking your lips very chastely. 

“What are you talking about?” When he didn’t respond, instead pressing the tips of his hand that was on the table against your exposed sex, your heart jumps but your body doesn’t move. You can’t, “Don’t do that!”

“Lilia informed me that making someone climax is similar to binding someone to you.” He mumbles, kissing you again as his fingers slowly slip inside. “It makes them fall in love with you. Isn’t that the most binding contract of all?”

You don’t know why he isn’t listening, but even less than that, you don’t know why he thought you could handle two fingers, much larger than your own, penetrating you. You squeal, but your body is incapable of tensing. Malleus pulls back, looking at you in a soft confusion.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“With me? What’s wrong with you? That’s too many- it’s uncomfortable!”

He blinks at you and withdraws a finger, which feels much better. You sigh. If you’re going to be forced to do this, you may as well not get hurt in the process. You close your eyes and Malleus hums.

“Is this better? You’ll have to forgive me. I haven’t had a dalliance with a human before.”

“I- I don’t think I’ll be able to… to forgive you for this.”

“No?” You can hear his smirk and the squelching noise as he pumps his finger gets louder. He slips the second finger in again and the burn isn’t so bad as last time, “Well, maybe you can decide that for certain after the wedding.”

“The wedd-” You have to bite your tongue to keep from moaning. Your body leans back, laying on the table, and your gentle assailant curls his fingers, leaning forward to mouth at your neck, “There’s not gonna be a motherfucking wedding. You’re-”

You can hear his horn scraping against the table, “Hmm. I didn’t think you were so entitled. You’re squeezing around my fingers. Are you close?”

“No!” You’re a liar. A ragged gasp leaves your throat and you feel the drop in the pit of your stomach, the burst of euphoria traveling up your spine as his thumb presses against your clit.

Malleus laughs, then leans up off of you. The sound of clothing hitting the ground is the first and only warning you get, but you can’t move, so it might as well have been silent. You feel something on your stomach, coming up about a half inch below your belly button. It’s… almost cool to the touch. You would think it would be warmer, but it’s not. Your eyes round as you stare at the ceiling, and Malleus’s face leans into view, his eyes boring into yours as though he’s reading your thoughts.

“You’re very warm. I’ve always thought this. You must be boiling inside.”

“I- what?”

He doesn’t respond, leaning back up. You feel the velvety head of his cock press against your entrance and as much as you want to jolt away, you can’t move your body. You can’t even look down to see what he’s doing. Your lashes flutter as the stretch sets in, the pressure worse than his two fingers. It burns, especially along the bottom, where his weight lays heavy thanks to gravity. You’re capable of wincing and letting out a whine, but nothing else.

“H-hey, that- that hurts.” You babble.

“Does it? You are squeezing me like a vice. I’ll stay still for a moment so you can relax some. Let me know when it stops hurting.” It’s very peculiar. Although he speaks with an animated tone, his voice is often detached. You would think he’d have more emotion since he’s inside of you.

You blink rapidly and decide that now is as good a time as any to ask, “What the hell is happening?”

“Must you tease me so?” He responds, his voice tense.

“What? I’m not teasing you. I can’t move!”

“Of course you can’t. You only just bound yourself to my will.”

“I what?” You shout.

“What, did you think I enslaved you? I could have, when we first met. You’re too free, giving people your name, thanking them, taking gifts freely… it drives me mad.” You feel a flash of heat, something warm rolling against your skin, like standing too close to a gas stove, “And now I find that you didn’t even know? I didn’t think you were such a fool.”

“That’s just called being polite!” You protest. “Oh my god-”

“I suppose I can’t blame you, really. Relax, lest I harm you.” He murmurs, rolling his hips further as though he can slide in deeper. 

You squeak, “N-no, that’s-”

“Too much, yes. Tell me, in your world, do faefolk exist?”

“I- I mean, if they do, most people don’t believe in them.” The oddity of the situation felt like a blanket. Having a semi-conversation while your friend- not after this- used you as a dick holster. It was almost comforting. “I don’t- I don’t understand.”

His voice was deeper than normal, an underlying rasp to his voice, as though it was coming from somewhere deep in his throat, “I will explain. I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know. But after I explain, I will begin to move.”

“H-hey, no-”

His voice sounded choked, half strangled as he stifled a groan, “I apologize for not being clear earlier. Among the fae, verbal contracts are common and binding. You do not give someone your name. You wonder why I never directly gave you mine? It is a way to bind someone to your will. You do not accept gifts. Invitations are fine, but a gift is a sign that you owe someone something. My help- a boon- is a gift. Typically it is repaid with another kind turn. And, most importantly, you do not thank someone without the sufficient power to break their hold.” 

You felt him draw back, that wave of heat rolling over you again, and then he slammed forward. The slick noise and dull smack were muffled by your squeal, his cockhead punching your cervix like it stole from him.

“Foolish little thing. I suppose it makes you cute.” He sneers, and your body sits up, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

The angle makes his motion a bit less painful. He’s no longer bumping against your cervix, thank the Seven, but the stretch remains. Your eyes flinch shut and Malleus tilts your chin up to kiss you again.

“St-stop- stop!” You whimper, “You’re hurting me!”

“If you would relax, beauty, that would not be a problem.” His chuckle is dark, the squelching from your coupling making a wicked duet that makes you feel dizzy, “And you said it to me so easily as well. Thank me again.”

“Wh-” One of his hands slipped under your hips, holding your bottom just under the split in your cheeks, and nipped your neck as a flat thumping echoed from where your bodies met, your legs bouncing with the motion. His member had gone back to bullying your cervix, and you wailed in the hopes that he would stop, “Thank you!”

“Heh… it escapes your lips so freely. Tell me, beauty-” He cut himself off with a grunt, panting against the column of your throat. “Tell me, what is it that you’d like? I would give you the world on a platter, should you want it.”

“I- ow! Y-you’re hurting me!”

There was a possibility that he was getting off on the pain he was causing you, just as much as there was a possibility of him not understanding that he was hurting you. With every motion of his hips against yours, despite the wicked pain, you felt that ever evil tug in your gut, like a stone growing heavier and heavier. 

You tried again, because if this had to happen, if you were under his control now, you may as well not get injured. You would not be pissing blood if you could help it, “It’s too deep!”

He listened. It was odd, but he listened, his voice warming as he slid back a bit and continued ramming into you, but no longer beating the hell out of your internal organs.

“I didn’t realize. Is that better?” His voice sounded warmer, echoey against your shoulder. His teeth grazed over your skin again when you didn’t respond. He choked out your name and you sort of came back to yourself.

“U-uh- I guess?”

“Wonderful.” He mumbled, his free hand reaching between your bodies and slicked with your sweat, to tweak your clit.

It should be embarrassing, how quickly you reached your height. Whoever he had been with in the past couldn’t have been so sensitive, since you felt his body jerk against you, an uncontrolled undercurrent to his motions. You let out a quiet, squealing moan and barely even felt the break when Malleus bit you to muffle his own groan. You didn’t feel him climaxing inside of you. You felt the control return to your body and flopped backward onto the table, your hoodie damp with sweat. Malleus took a step back, then carefully redressed you, then himself. You looked up at him and saw nothing but adoration in his eyes, not the fractured appearance of such. It was like he was actually looking at you.

When he spoke to you, leaning forward to cup your cheek, his voice was warm, warmer than ever, “Now, let’s start planning for the wedding, my beauty.”

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

I've always been curious. How much does the English curriculum focus on reading and comprehension compared to analysis of literature in non-English speaking countries? I imagine it's not until the last few years of school that things like Shakespeare are even remotely considered something worth teaching.

How do I answer this without turning it into a TEDtalk...

SO.

The QUICK answer is: It depends.

It depends on the country. It depends on the school. It depends on the curriculum.

I'm afraid you've fallen into the hole called 'non-English speaking countries' - and referring to them under a single umbrella... when in reality, the curriculum of, say, Japan's EFL education and Norway's EFL education are WILDLY different. Hell, even the Philippines and Japan are more different than you might suspect.

Personally, as someone who has taught English as a Foreign Language in high school in Japan (albeit briefly, it was a one-year contract to fill in for another teacher who left the position due to COVID stuff, most of the time I'm an Elementary School teacher), I can tell you that 99% of the high schools in Japan will not have Shakespeare ANYWHERE on their curriculum. Most people in Japan will never run across Shakespeare unless they take a specialized class... probably IN UNIVERSITY.

Shakespeare is a difficult, antiquated form of English. It does not appear on any standardized testing. Why would anyone except native speakers take the time to learn it?

The LONGER answer is:

Students in English-speaking countries enter school knowing how to speak English.

I know there's a tendency to think of 6 year olds as these dum-dums who say things like 'I goed school' but anyone who has actively spent more than 10 minutes around a first grader will know that, barring developmental difficulties and learning disabilities, they actually speak using full sentences and correct grammar 99% of the time.

Schools in areas where English is already spoken natively can focus on:

spelling (oh gods English spelling is a fucking mess, I'm so sorry children I am SO sorry)

punctuation (spoken language doesn't have punctuation, so we have to teach kids to convert pauses and concepts into commas and sentence breaks)

written format (and various ways to apply it in different situations)

literature (famous books, novels, stories which are considered a good serving platter of concepts like analysis and metaphor and other tools we use to make written communication effective and interesting)

Schools in areas where English is NOT spoken must FIRST focus on:

Words (they must memorize on average 2000 to have a basic understanding down)

Pronunciation (each language has different sounds, and English has a LOT of weird sounds that many foreign speakers don't know how to produce... and it takes practice)

Basic grammar (Thing goes first. Doing-action-word goes next. Thing-that-has-action-done-to-it usually goes after that. Sometimes we have a time word that goes-- oh god how do you explain this to an 11 year old oh god)

Maybe spelling by the end of elementary school (my 5th graders only know how to write basic 3-4 letter words)

Basic reading, grammar and punctuation by the end of middle school, along with basic conversational skills

Ability to write a whole sentence, maybe a paragraph, by the time they finish middle school

High school is basically just reviewing more complex grammar because holy fuck is there a lot of it

Shakespeare? Who the FUCK has time for that?! These kids are still struggling to understand how a gerund works!

Things that native English speakers know on instinct, like the fact that this is a weird sentence:

the red big dog sits on the car

(vs the big red dog sits in the car)

...must be taught, little by little, to non-native English speakers, which takes TIME TIME TIME.

So next time you meet someone who speaks English as a second language - I need you to be kind to them. I need you to be thoughtful. And I need you to be thankful you were able to learn all these crazy ass grammar rules and spelling when you were still a young child and your brain was silly-putty in the shape of a vacuum that sucked up vocabulary.

.............fuck ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᶜᵒᵐᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ᵀᴱᴰᵗᵃˡᵏ

[existslikepristin]

Later than I said I would post the story? Never heard of her. I am simultaneously thankful and sorry @ggidolsmuts for reviewing this for me to verify it makes just the right amount of a lack of sense.

Anyway, please make note of the trigger warnings in red in the tags. Unless you're color blind, in which case you're about to be awakened to some new kinks. Congratulations.

(Oh and fuck BBC entertainment, if that wasn't obvious.)

Churchgirleum Yawjinius

Tags: NSFW, TheLounge, Loona, Yeojin, futa!Choerry, futa!Hyunjin, futa!Jinsoul, futa!Heejin, futa!Haseul, some other bitch, briefly questionable consent, regularly questionable sanity, anal, double anal, TRIPLE ANAL are you kidding me, alliteration, extreme deepthroat, humiliating someone who deserves it, piss, gallons of cum, slight foot fetish, Jinsoul’s cum is referred to as fish jizz twice and it is a joke I promise, clit smacking, light? bondage, sacrilege, “praying” for dick, writing this lowered my IQ, is Yeojin crazy or is she a prophet, who would ever think this was a good idea, dick sizes never explicitly stated but implied to be unrealistically large, Heejin might be the most normal person there somehow, squelching lube sounds, idgaf this is canon, SCIENCE probably, losing the plot halfway through, is Choerry a vampire or is she a prophet, a little bit of “Mommy”

~~~~~

Spring.

Light and warmth summon fast growth. It's a time that calls for maximum performance all 'round, but provides plentiful sustenance in return.

There's a lot to do! Ensuring future generations, and getting the world to bloom again.

Colors, scents, and bird song cast a spell over Seoul's spring worlds.

Early spring. At first, it's barely noticeable. The beginning of March, the nights are still frosty, and the trees, bare. The last of the winter's chill, still in the air. But the early returning flocks of birds signal a new start. In the fields and meadows, still bare from winter, the pleasurable anticipation is almost tangible. And by pleasurable anticipation, of course, I mean the incredibly rare species, known scientifically as Churchgirleum Yawjinius getting absolutely railed in the asshole by the equally rare species, Thiccdiccaeus Cherrinus.

A strange mating ritual, one might say, as they are not quite "mating" in the traditional sense, and thus are not considered to be, as is referred to, scientifically speaking, "sinning." Good thing, too, for they are performing this semi-pseudo mating ritual within the most sacred place of worship, the church. Let us now take a closer look, and see what we may learn from this quite unlikely interaction we've stumbled upon.

~~~

Yeojin's voice jumped with every syllable she spoke. "Fuck. Yes. Choe. Rry. Fuck. Me." The church pew she leaned over creaked each time her body lurched forward. The nails holding it to the floor weren't made for that kind of motion.

"Oh yeah Yeojin! My... peepee feels so good... in your bum!" Choerry cooed. She had to hold a particularly wide stance to get down to Yeojin's level, which meant her balls were free to swing ahead to slap Yeojin's pussy.

Neither of them were exactly dressed for a usual Sunday service, but at least Yeojin tried. She wore a "slightly modified" version of the classic religion-based school girl outfit: a very short tube top (but with straps) that would have been ever so slightly more modest if she hadn't discarded her jacket before the fucking began, a skirt that was most definitely not regulation length (for which she deserved a good spanking), socks that came up to her knees, and plain black flats.

Choerry was naked.

Nowhere to be seen in the entire church was a pair of panties (or any of Choerry's clothes for that matter), most likely because the little whores didn't wear them in the first place.

Besides the sounds of extreme not-technically-fornication, the chapel was silent, which meant it was absolutely not even a little bit remotely silent. Grunts, moans, claps, smacks, swearing, and mildly naughty words filled the air like a hymn. Depending on their denomination and if they were there, an entire choir might have joined in. On the hymn, not the sex, obviously, if it wasn’t obvious.

Choerry's butt fucking only increased in enthusiastic intensity as she drew closer and closer to orgasm, dragging Yeojin's legs further and further up the back of the pew. Eventually, Yeojin's feet left the floor and hung limp, bouncing off the old, cushionless wood. Her front half was bent over, and she gripped onto the front of the seat (though not because she noticed the subtle rocking of the pew as the nails were pulled out of the floor).

A stern, stoic, strangely stupid, feminine voice rang out from the back of the church. “In the name of all that is holy, what are you doing?!”

Though Yeojin was too dickmatized to even properly notice, Choerry squealed and jumped at the shouting, in just the right forward direction and with just the right momentum that those weak-ass pew nails couldn’t hold up to the thrust. The sudden rush toward the floor, exceptionally loud crash of wood on wood, and Choerry’s uncontrolled, crushing weight, however, certainly did get Yeojin’s attention. The two of them groaned on the floor, and only ten percent of their combined groaning at that point had anything to do with a slowly closing gaped asshole.

Time to ponder said gape was in short supply however, as they heard rushed footsteps coming their way.

“Y-Yeojin, we gotta go!” Choerry whispered far too loudly.

“Hold it right there!” shouted the new stranger.

Yeojin’s eyes shot open (like her butt). “Fuckin! Is that the goddamn priest?!”

Choerry grimaced. “Is that… Are you allowed to say that?”

The one of them more concerned with being caught than bad language pointed at the confessional booth. “Quick! In there!”

~~~

Incredible. Haven’t we already learned so much?

Now, escaping predators is often a frantic affair, and we see it is no different here with Yawjinius and Cherrinus. When a creature sees a burrow that will fit them nicely, whether or not they constructed it themselves, they will quickly resort to using it. Sometimes, they do this without taking any consequences whatsoever into account. For example, what if the burrow is one-ended, and the only way out is the way they went in, directly into the awaiting jaws of the predator?

Of course, a booth is an extremely short one-ended burrow. At least this one has doors! Let’s see if Yawjinius and Cherrinus are able to escape.

~~~

Useless fists pounded on both doors of the booth. “Hey! Get out of there! You’re not supposed to…” The doors rattled a bit. “Why are there locks on these?!”

Choerry wiped the sweat off her forehead. “I can’t believe we made it without being recognized. I’ve never run that fast in my entire life, I think.”

“Yeah yeah,” Yeojin groaned, “Well we gotta figure out what we’re going to do—Why are you standing on the seat?”

“You can see me?!”

“These mesh things obscure nothing. Of course I can. And your cock looks fucking delish. Stand back for a second.”

Yeojin maneuvered around awkwardly in the cramped space until she was nearly upside down and able to kick a hole in the wooden mesh. Doing so resulted in a frightened squeal from Choerry, and a "What in God's name?!" from the dumb shit outside the booth.

It took no time at all for Choerry to get the point and stick her dick through the impromptu glory hole. Apprehension would have been warranted, since the hole was encircled by splintered wood, but something something joke about her hardwood being harder.

The good little sucklicant she was, Yeojin knelt on the seat and wrapped her throat around Choerry’s Thiccdiccaeus.

"Yeojin, your bum feels different!"

Yeojin gagged in response.

"Oh." Choerry backed up slightly to make small thrusts into the orifice she then realized her cock was actually inside. Thankfully she was not stupid enough to think an asshole could gag on a dick. In the literal sense. The asshole that chased them into the confessional booth, however, could.

"I'm getting a key!" the asshole shouted. Her rapidly disappearing footsteps proved her to be a bitch of her word.

While it would have been an ideal opportunity for Yeojin and Choerry to escape in that moment, they decided not to, because deepthroat glory holes in confessional booths are tight as hell.

“Y-Yeojin, your mouth is tight as heck.”

Yeojin gagged in response.

Choerry began bucking, barely bothering to back off or brake, betting the bitch below would brave the barrage. Brewing in her balls, a big batch of baby batter was braced to bust… Boobs.

All of that was to say, Choerry was about to add to the mess on Yeojin’s side of the booth. Already, ejected spit was dripping down Yeojin’s side of the wall, and had drenched the front of Yeojin’s outfit. Not much of it had reached the bare wooden seat, given the astounding absorbency of Yeojin’s clothing, but the seat was still drenched. As one might recall, Yeojin’s panties were nowhere to be found, and her unused pussy and asshole leaked natural and unnatural lubrications respectively at a truly bonkers rate.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna come, Yeojin!”

Yeojin gagged in response. Really, it couldn’t be expected that she would do anything else. She had a big cock fully blocking off her entire esophagus. For posterity’s sake, what she would have said out loud was “For as excited as I am to have your load bloating my stomach, I am exasperated with your insistence on not using adult sexual terminology. Don’t say ‘come.’ Just say ‘cum.’ Say it with me. Cum. Cum. Cum. Fuck it, I’d even accept ‘climax,’ or something equally as romance novel-esque. You know what? Be clinical about it. Just say ‘ejaculate’ and—gag gargle gargle gargle gag gag gargle.” at which point, Yeojin would have become just drunk enough on her asphyxiation to stop thinking in so much detail.

The cum was not to come, however. The lock on Choerry’s side clicked open and she shrieked as she was pulled out. Yeojin’s throat was vacated in one, swift, barely splinter-avoidant motion. Immediately after, there was silence.

Until Yeojin's door flew open and she was yanked out of the booth!

Yeojin screamed, "Let me go, you goblin fuc—... goddammit Vivi! Who the fuck invited you?"

Yes, it was the worst, dumbest, and most pointless member of Loona, Vivi, who was the buzzkill. She was dressed up like some stupid collar-wearing priest. Or she was just making clergy look bad. It was hard to say.

"Yeojin! You can't have sex in a church! What are you thinking?"

"Boo you whore. Where's Choerry?"

Vivi shrugged. "She ran away as soon as she saw me. Real fast."

"Who wouldn't, you dumb bitch?"

"Ugh! Come with me, already."

"Why not? I have nothing better to do now that Choerry and her magnificent cock are gone."

~~~

Vivi has no scientific classification, as she is a bitch, and no scientist wants to be associated with her. But I guess she has to be in this documentary now that she's here, so we'll call her Stoopidiot Vivwhore or something. Honestly, nobody cares.

Well anyway, Vivwhore is taking Yawjinius to the church's office, but it feels like there's no more point to narrating here because Vivwhore ruins everyone's time. Really, I'm sorry she's even here.

I'll go get a stiff drink and come back a little drunk. Maybe then I can put up with her bullshi—Hey, it's Jinso—I mean Skinnierbutlongershlongius Jinsolitus! She's already completely stark-ass naked! And she's kicking Vivwhore out of the office! Excellent! Now we can continue this documentary in high spirits.

It looks like Jinsolitus is also interested in mating with Yawjinius. A dance of courtship begins. As we can see, this dance is quite frenzied. Yawjinius obviously wants to mate as well, having gone unfinished with Cherrinus, but she needs to test the fitness of her potential new mate. She can do this by... trying to escape?

Yawjinius wants to mate, I'm quite sure. Yes, she is merely testing Jinsolitus with a race in the very limited space of the church office, and making sure Jinsolitus is capable of dodging predators by throwing bibles at her. Ouch, that one looks like it hurt. And there goes Yawjinius, vaulting over the desk and toward—OH DAMN, did you see the way Jinsolitus caught her right out of the air and slammed her on the desk?! That looked unnecessarily painful! I guess that's what she gets for leaving some of her clothes on. I mean, that's a rough mating dance! Oh, and now she's pushing her dick down Yawjinius' throat.

~~~

The desk inched forward with every one of Jinsoul's violent thrusts.

"Fucking slut! That hurt!" Jinsoul shouted, referring to the reversed, red, hilariously accurate imprint of a "Holy Bible's" front cover on the side of her face.

Yeojin gagged in response. A few times. A bunch actually. It may not have really been an intentional response. Her throat wasn't massively stretched like it was when it had Choerry’s dick in it, but Jinsoul's felt like it was nearly battering the entrance to her stomach. Her response to Jinsoul might have actually been the way she clawed at Jinsoul's ass and kicked wildly in the air (hard to tell). Having her back slammed on a pastor's desk knocked the wind out of her, and it didn't make meaningful communication any easier. All this ignoring the huge cock blocking her vocal chords.

Jinsoul snatched Yeojin’s arms away fromher butt. "Bitch! Cut it out! Ugh!"

To immobilize Yeojin entirely, Jinsoul clambered onto her knees on top of the desk, pushing Yeojin down so her ass hung off the opposite side, and trapped Yeojin’s elbows in the crooks of her legs. This meant Jinsoul couldn't achieve the perfect angle on Yeojin’s head to insert herself entirely, but her dick was, as cannot be understated, fucking long as hell.

Yeojin heaved her lower body up in one last attempt at a kick to Jinsoul's face, but Jinsoul easily caught her feet and held her in place. Yeojin was thoroughly stuck, with her short skirt flipping down (or up, from her perspective) to expose her most vulnerable zone to Jinsoul. Talk about a mistake. Or a predicament. Or a... you know… definitely consensual upside-down throat fuck? Emphasis on that question mark.

"You're fucking mine, you little sex toy!" Jinsoul released a foot briefly to three-finger slap Yeojin's clitoris like a carnival hammer game with a defective button, and she clearly intended to win the biggest teddy bear.

If there were ever a scream that could be described as both muffled and blood-curdling, it was Yeojin's in that moment. Her fingers flexed uselessly in the air to either side of Jinsoul's hips.

Jinsoul shuddered and bounced her ass as hard as she could without accidentally releasing Yeojin’s arms. Her pussy dripped onto Yeojin’s nose, and the juice rolled down to mix with Yeojin’s flowing tears. "Yeah! Do that again! I love your vibration mode! Haha!"

Another full-force smack broke the bell at the tippy top of the game, splashing a surprising quantity of Yeojin’s underutilized pussy juice onto Jinsoul's face. Yeojin lost any control she had been trying to hold onto. Her burning lungs tried (and failed) to shove air out around Jinsoul's cock, only serving to increase Jinsoul's enjoyment. Her muscles also failed, and a stream of piss fired out of her, nearly straight up and back down in a short arc to soak her skirt, top, face, and Jinsoul's stomach. She didn't really register the taste as it reached Jinsoul's cock and was therefore shoved against her tongue. The desk was drenched. Expense papers, tithe reports, and even more bibles were saturated in slightly yellow liquid. It would be a genuinely gross shame for Yeojin to drown like that, which was not too far from happening.

It was a good thing Jinsoul was always a quick shot!

With one last bounce of her ass, Jinsoul sighed heavily and emptied herself almost directly into Yeojin’s stomach. She released Yeojin’s legs, letting them thump limply against the front of the desk, so she could squeeze her own tits and pinch her own nipples (probably since Yeojin’s were still hiding under a piss-soaked shirt).

Thirty or so belly-bloating seconds later, Jinsoul made the long, long, long, we-get-it-your-dick-is-very long slide out of Yeojin’s mouth. Seriously, that was like a half a meter of cock. Or it just seemed to be that big in comparison to tiny little Yeojin.

The last few centimeters allowed Yeojin’s airways to open up. She gasped and coughed and frantically thrashed around, slapping Jinsoul's legs. Puddles of her piss on the desk spread around as she hacked up her lungs.

"You insane fuckwad—hurk—shitfish!" She managed to scream between coughs. "You wanna fuckin' KILL ME?!"

Jinsoul stood on the desk, feet on either side of Yeojin’s head, wiggling her toes in the piss puddles. "Well like sometimes, yeah," she said, deadpan, "Hey, you're covered in pee."

"Bitch, I fucking know!"

~~~

Wow. What a turn of events that couldn’t have been predicted.

Hey look, now Jinsolitus is urinating on Yawjinius. That's a post-mating ritual, despite having not mated properly. Yes it was, as is Yawjinius repeatedly punching Jinsolitus in the dick. Oh, don't worry, nobody’s getting hurt. We can hope. I mean definitely not. Trust me, I’m a biologist*.

Poor Yawjinius. It seems that Jinsolitus is not simply a mate, but a predator in disguise, like one of those various invertebrates that engages in breeding and then immediately eats their mate. Though, in this particular situation, no breeding occurred, even if Yawjinius does appear to be a little bit bloated. And also in this particular situation, Jinsolitus is probably not going to eat her, if for no other reason than eating someone covered in mixed piss would be nasty. Eating each other isn’t really a thing in this ecosystem, actually.

If Yawjinius now wants to continue her day of faux mating, but not fornicating because they’re still in a church, she must now decide if she will attempt to further engage Jinsolitus, or leave unsatisfied.

~~~

Yeojin flicked the runny fluids off her eyelashes and glared at Jinsoul. “If I wasn’t so horny, I’d tell you to leave… but are you going to fuck my ass now or not?”

“I believe we’d both have to leave, considering we don’t own this place,” Jinsoul said with a shrug, “But, uh, no. I’m going to rail your mouth agai—”

The office door slammed open.

Vivi stepped into the office, pointing accusingly at Yeojin. “There she is! The demon possessed!”

Yeojin and Jinsoul stared back. Jinsoul was the first to speak. “You gonna finish that sentence?”

Vivi’s stupid hand faltered. “H-huh?”

“You said… ugh.” Jinsoul put her fingers to her forehead. “The demon possessed who? Yeojin?”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you such a moron, Vivi? Why are you even here?”

Rather than engage in the conversation, Yeojin started fingering her ass. She was really missing Choerry’s contribution to her pleasure.

“I-I’m not! I brought some exorcists with me so they can expel the demon.”

On cue, Heejin and Haseul walked through the door behind Vivi. Though, to her surprise (and let’s face it: everything surprises someone that dumb), both of them were entirely naked and stroking their cocks.

“Are we… in the right place?” Heejin asked, looking concerned.

“Yuuup yup!” Haseul chimed, biting her lip for a moment and doing double finger guns at Yeojin. “Gonna push that demon out her mouth from the opposite end!”

~~~

Collosollacockium Heejineulum and Gargantuagockus Hahsullicus are not, in fact, exorcists. Both of them, however, are hung (in the sense that their dicks are relatively close to Cherrinus’ length and girth, that is).

With Jinsolitus now chasing Vivwhore out of the office for a second time, perhaps Yawjinius now has the opportunity to properly mate. But there are two potential mates for her to choose from! Both appear to be physically fit, capable, and good for passing on desirable qualities to their offspring. Perhaps a contest is in order to determine which of the two will continue their genetic—Wait, right. They're just here to fuck her ass. Breeding would imply vaginal intercourse, but they can't do that because they're in a church. What a silly mistake for a very professional biologist* to make.

Either way, they still need to determine who gets to do the honors. "The honors" being Yawjinius' butthole. Let's observe and see how they—Or Hahsullicus can just force Heejineulum to go first. Well, I guess they're going for it. Let's continue to watch.

~~~

Yeojin was on her side on the desk, with Heejin spooning her. Heejin was grimacing, biting down on her lips.

“The fuck’s wrong with you, Heejin?” Yeojin asked.

“… It’s in my hair…”

“What is? The piss? No duh, Herlock. That’ll happen when you lie down in it.”

“Haseul pushed me… Why are we doing this here?”

“She pushed me too. Whatcha gonna do about it? The correct answer is ‘fuck your ass.’”

Haseul, standing between their legs, laughed, “Oooh, it’s not so bad Heejin. See?” She picked up one of the piss-saturated bibles and licked the cover. Heejin looked like she might puke, but Haseul smacked her lips a couple of times, trying to pick up on the taste. “Huh… is that yours or Jinsoul’s?”

Yeojin scowled. “Probably both. Can we just…?”

“Oh totally,” Haseul said and gave the book another lick before tossing it over her shoulder and dropping to her knees.

A moment later, Yeojin felt a hand spreading her asshole from one side, and Heejin’s eyes shot open. A quiet slurping sound gave Yeojin the impression that Haseul was licking or sucking Heejin’s dick.

One more moment later, Heejin’s cock was pushed up against Yeojin’s half-spread hole and shoved in. “Aw yeah, that works,” Yeojin moaned in delight. “E-ew, fuck,” Heejin moaned in also-delight-but-still-also-disgust.

Heejin’s thrusts were long and slow, but always ended with a quick pound, rippling her thighs and Yeojin’s butt. Each one spiked Yeojin’s head with sexual power. She might have been a little turned off to see the way Heejin nervously avoided touching as many wet surfaces as possible, including herself, but that’s what’s so great about the spooning position!

Haseul strolled around the desk, pushing pens, papers, and crucifixes off to clatter and/or shlop to the floor. Her focus remained on her members though, watching the way they (mostly Yeojin) writhed on the soaked surface.

“Fuck, Yeojin,” Heejin breathed. It seemed that was all she could manage to say, but Yeojin knew the implication: Her asshole was tight, it milked Heejin’s whole cock, and it needed to be painted with cum. The usual, really. She reached back to sensually cradle Heejin’s head, unable to see Heejin cringing away from her wet hand.

Haseul, on the other hand, she could see, climbing onto the desk on her hands and knees before dropping down, brushing her tits through the remaining puddles. She lifted Yeojin’s head a bit awkwardly to the side. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

Yeojin did as she was told, and Haseul kissed her deeply. However, “kiss” in this case meant “tongue fuck” and “deeply” in this case meant that Haseul was licking parts of her that are far enough in the body as to have no slang words to describe them. Under most circumstances, it could have been quite uncomfortable, but with Heejin’s colossal cock pumping her ass and the surprising tenderness that Haseul tongue fucked her with, Yeojin found herself literally gushing.

“I think I can taste a liiittle bit of Jinsoul’s cum in there,” Haseul said after who-knows-how-many minutes of licking the entire interior of Yeojin’s mouth.

Perfectly on cue, Yeojin burped, filling her mouth with the smell of the gallon of fish jizz sloshing around her stomach. “Yup.”

“That and, ya’ know, the pee.”

A loud “hurk” came from behind Yeojin, and Haseul giggled. “Aw, Heejin! Are you okay?”

“Sorry… That’s just… nasty.” Heejin slowed down her thrusting considerably.

Yeojin rolled her eyes and twisted her upper body so she could personally deliver a look of boredom and disappointment.

With a devious smirk, Haseul slinked off the desk and around so she could lean over Heejin’s head. “You poor baby. I promise it’s not so bad! I’ll tell you what. If you make out with our little froggy while you fuck her, I’ll rewaaard you—”

Yeojin couldn’t hear most of what Haseul then whispered in Heejin’s ear, but Heejin’s expression shifted from consternation to surprise, and from surprise to desperation. Whatever the reward was, it was good, and it ended with Haseul pulling away, but reaching down to swirl a finger around Heejin’s nipple. “And when we get home, I’ll give you a nice…” She lightly pinched, forcing Heejin to moan. “Hot… looong… bath.”

Yeojin watched a sudden hunger overtake Heejin’s eyes, and had no time to react to the pounce. Heejin’s tongue was battling hers in a fraction of a second, and her thrusts into Yeojin’s asshole turned feral. Yeojin was definitely not complaining.

The ferocity of Heejin’s fucking distracted Yeojin from whatever Haseul was doing. There was only a split second, when Heejin backed off to gasp desperately at some new sensation, that Yeojin saw Haseul, one hand hidden behind Heejin’s lovely hips, and the other pointing her cock roughly at the place where Heejin’s cock met Yeojin’s ass. Alarms fired in her brain, but she couldn’t raise a finger to protest as Heejin wrapped her in a sloppy, moist bear hug.

As expected, a slight pressure at the rim of Yeojin’s butt turned into an unimaginable stretch, shoved in deeper by Heejin’s cock. A shock of adrenaline ran through her entire body and time slowed down. Haseul was pushing Yeojin’s legs out of the way and slamming into her asshole alongside Heejin, but totally out of sync. Her movements were smoother than Heejin’s, and far deeper considering her more advantageous position. Yeojin screamed into Heejin’s mouth, but nobody checked to see if the scream came from pain or pleasure (it was pleasure).

After an eternity, Heejin loosened her constriction, and Yeojin didn't know what to do with her hands. She flapped them around, covered the parts of her face not overwhelmed by Heejin, grabbed her own tits under her shirt, held her knees back, pulled her hair, groped at Haseul, latched onto Heejin’s arm, and punched the air in rapid succession over and over and not necessarily in that order. Her expression changed just as fast between agony, ecstasy, and anything else that might indicate she was losing her mind to the double anal fucking. And when Heejin separated their faces for air, Yeojin struggled to say more than one repeated word.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fu—ungh! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. AaaAAAH! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

“Mommy…” Heejin moaned, looking up at Haseul, “Your cock feels so good squeezed against mine.”

Haseul smiled. “And your butt looks so cute with my finger in it, baby girl.”

“Dear god,” Yeojin managed to mumble, ignoring the awkward, sexually charged lovey doviness.

~~~

That double penetration went so much more smoothly than I ever could have anticipated, sheesh. I—Well I’m not god, but what can I do for you?

“I’d do anything for one more cock right now.”

Hold up. What are you doing, Yawjinius?

“The fuck do you mean?”

I mean how are you talking to me right now?

“You’re here and so am I, fuckwit. Do I get another cock in my ass or not?”

Now hang on there. You’re currently being fucked in a church office.

“How would you know that if you’re not god? And by the way I think it’s called a ‘sacristy.’”

Nobody knows what a sacristy is! When you say “office” a very similar image is conjured in the mind to what a sacristy looks like! Not to mention, “office” is far more non-denominational, and far less likely to cause anybody specific to get offende—I… what… dear viewer, I’m sorry for this, uh… technical difficulty? Yes, a perfectly normal technical difficulty that documentaries often experience.

“Viewer? You got cameras around here?”

No, no. Nothing so crude. I think “viewer” was the wrong term. I should have said “reader.”

“Well that’s a fuckin’ shame. I was hoping to get a recording of this.”

~~~

“Is… Yeojin okay?” Heejin asked.

“Thaaat’s a good question. Can you tell what she’s saying?”

Yeojin’s muttering was nearly inaudible.

“I think she implied she was talking to god…”

“Oh. Yiiikes.”

“Should we… stop fucking her? Give her a break? A different kind, I mean… since her mind is clearly fucked up.”

“Nah, she’s fine.”

~~~

“Whatever, god. Are you going to answer my prayer or not?”

To reiterate, not god. There will be no prayer answering.

“I don’t care what you fucking call it. Grant my wish. Make my dream come true. Third cock, chop chop. Make it snappy.”

…

“Are you trying to IGNORE me?!”

Members of the order Loonatoris prefer to nest in groups—

“HEY! Perk them ears up, home slice!”

Here, they’re well-protected, and they can mate endlessly in the colorful shadows cast by panes of stained glass—

“Fuck your stained glass! Heejin and Haseul’s dicks are great, but I want more!”

Could you get off my back? Maybe I can’t just make a third penis randomly appear. Did you consider that?

“Yeah right. I believe in you. You got this, god.”

Oh my… Look, Jinsoul’s out there somewhere. Just go find her.

“Pff, nah. She only wants to fuck my mouth.”

Vivi then.

“Ew, no.”

Good point. Nobody wants that. Well what about Choerry?

“Look. I’m far too busy getting double ass-railed to go traipsing around searching for that weirdo. Can’t you just call someone for me?”

I can’t call anyon—You know what? Fine. Fuck it. Oh wow. Another fascinating creature is on her way into the church right now who might want to mate with Yawjinius. Are you happy now?

“That sounded very sarcastic, but yes. What the hell is ‘Yawjinius’ though?”

It’s obviously you. It’s your scientific classification.

“Weird, but okay. Thanks god. I owe you one.”

Not god.

“Sure. Whatever you say.”

Unbelievable… Alright, where were we? Yes, Hahsullicus and Heejineulum have lifted Yawjinius off the desk and into their arms and they’re carrying her back out into the chapel. Did you catch why they decided to do that? I was super distracted. Oh well, doesn’t matter. They’re, uh, taking her out into the open to… dammit, I’m going to go get that drink. I’ll come back for the science stuff in a minute.

~~~

“Phew!” Heejin wiped her forehead as she laid Yeojin back on the lectern and glared at Haseul. “She is so much heavier than she looks… Two people should be able to lift her, like, twice as easily as that…”

“Huh?” asked Haseul, who hadn’t broken a sweat. “Oh! Oooh yeah. What’s she been eating? Raw iron?”

Yeojin gasped and sat up, sliding a couple centimeters down the pair’s dicks. All three of them moaned a little.

Haseul recovered first. “Heeey, Yeojin! Finally awake?”

“Wh-what? What happened?”

“Oh honeeey,” Haseul cooed, and stroked Yeojin’s hair, “You started speaking in tongues to someone who wasn’t there.”

Heejin cut in. “Then you started cumming, but it was like… a super long orgasm. After a minute, you just passed out.”

“And so you carried me into the most fucking obviously visible part of the church without even taking your cocks out of my asshole? Just right out in the open where anyone could catch us?”

“Yyyup,” said Haseul, “Guess we could have thought that through a little better.”

Yeojin squinted. “What the fuck are you talking about? That’s exactly what I would have done too.”

Heejin shivered. Droplets of piss fell out of her hair and onto the chancel. “We could have at least looked around for some towels.”

“Just use that.” Haseul pointed at the altar, over which was a very soft-looking cloth.

“But there’s… candles and shit on it.”

“Nobody cares that you’re soaked in pee,” Yeojin said, poking Heejin in the boob, “We’re all soaked in pee. Blame Jinsoul. She’s a bitch.”

Haseul sighed, leaning against the lectern. “Awww, but I didn’t get soaked in—”

“That’s your own damn fault,” Yeojin interrupted, “Now help me find the third cock I made god promise me.”

Heejin and Haseul stared at each other for at least ten seconds. Haseul was the first to start pulling her dick out of Yeojin. “Maaaybe we should go home. Or a hospit—Ow!”

Yeojin grabbed and dug her nails into Haseul’s hips and held her in place. “No, let’s wait. God promised.”

Heejin fidgeted with her fingers. “Yeojin… I don’t think he promised you anything…”

“God wasn’t a ‘he,’ bitch.”

“Sorry…? She?”

“No, no. You shouldn’t make assumptions about god’s gende—”

Just then, the front doors to the church burst open, flooding the chapel with light. A single silhouette of a fairly curvy body with a massive schlong hanging between its legs stood in the doorway, striking a powerful stance. The doors then slowly shut, creaking loudly, but the figure shoved them apart again and took several steps forward. Once the intense backlight was gone, it was apparent who the newcomer was.

Yeojin said it first, whispering the name, “Enormustothepointofabsurditinicumphallussis Hiyunjicum…”

“What?” Heejin and Haseul said simultaneously.

~~~

Alright, I’m back. Nothing weird better have happ—How does she know Hyunjin’s scientific classification?!

~~~

All eyes (six of them, to be specific, since her own are not included) were on Hyunjin. She looked from side to side and shifted uncomfortably. “Why is everyone looking at me?”

Haseul was the first to speak. “Yeojin’s prayer was answered!”

“I didn’t pray though, apparently” Yeojin said. Her voice sounded a little wet from the drool, “But Hyunjin is a literal gift from god. Hyunjin! Get up here!”

“Why?!” Hyunjin shouted back across the church, “You sound like a crazy person!”

Heejin snickered. “That’s nothing new.”

“I want you to fuck my ass at the same time as Haseul and Heejin!”

“Okay! My mistake! You sound like an insane person!”

“You just walked into a church totally naked!” Yeojin screamed, “Who the fuck is the crazy person here?!”

“I just watched Haseul and Heejin do it a minute ago and I’m sixty percent sure nobody saw me! I’m just doing what they’re doing!”

“What does it look like they’re doing right now?!”

There was a long pause. Echoes from the shouting match finally died down.

“That’s some solid logic!” Hyunjin shouted, “I’ll be right there!”

“So… what exactly are we doing now?” Heejin asked.

Yeojin shrugged. “I thought it was pretty simple. The two of you keep fucking me, and Hyunjin fucks me too.”

Haseul briefly attempted to reason things out. “I think she meant—Weeell,” and she quickly gave up, “Aaalright. Heejin, grab my shoulder with that hand… Yup, perfect, and now we each lift one of her legs.”

Heejin watched Haseul suspiciously to make sure she was doing her part as they hoisted Yeojin up into a throne made of their arms and dicks. The jostling and unintentional thrusting made Yeojin close her eyes and whine. She was getting antsy about the impending triple penetration. She wouldn’t have to wait long… as long as no more odd interruptions occurred.

When Yeojin opened her eyes, she lurched back in shock. Hyunjin was already directly in front of her like some kind of perverted, holy ghost (not even in an offensive way if you note the placement of the comma).

“Are you ready Yeojin?” Hyunjin asked, with her cock already poised between Heejin’s and Haseul’s.

Yeojin looked down. There were a few dicks among all idols that were known for being exceptionally large. Karina’s, Shownu’s, Johnny’s, Handong’s, and a few others’. Hyunjin’s was a secret contender, only having been unleashed upon someone outside of Loona for the first time within the last year. Luda had advised that “my pussy will never be the same,” shortly after the second to last Queendom episode’s recording, and had walked with a limp until the day before their final performance.

Every other member of Loona, including Yeojin, had their experience with Hyunjin, and were highly unlikely to be rendered catatonic. Yeojin was, however, having her doubts. Two well above average dicks were already enough to get her to meet god but a third? And Hyunjin’s humongous hammer, to be specific? She was likely to meet Chuuthulhu.

~~~

To reiterate, not god. Not an elder god either.

~~~

And yet, Yeojin absolutely could not say no. She nodded once, and her asshole was swiftly stretched out to an incomprehensible degree. She hung her head back in a silent scream of theorized-and-yet-surprising ecstasy. Surely nothing could fill her ass more than these three cocks. That is not foreshadowing. Seriously, nothing could fill her ass more than those three cocks in that moment. Nobody else was going to fit, logistically, in the space around Yeojin, to be able to put another cock in her ass. Her throat, perhaps, if one were to stand on someone else’s shoulders, but certainly not her ass. The three cocks in her were overall the volumetrically largest available. Nobody was going to leave the church to get Karina, for example, to replace one of the cocks currently in place just to increase the amount of cock filling Yeojin’s asshole. This story is dumb enough. One should not expect more people to randomly appear and take part in this anal gangbang. The cover for this story has already been made and while it was made with minimal effort, no more effort needs to be put into it. Even if they really got in close to each other like they were trying to take a group selfie, not a single additional person could possibly get where they needed to be to insert themselves to be the fourth cock inside Yeojin. No, you’re convincing yourself.

Heejin whined, writhed, and struggled to stay in place as Hyunjin slowly sawed in and out. Haseul grinned, bit her lip, and giggled. Hyunjin herself stared hungrily at Yeojin’s wet tube top-covered tits.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Haseul asked, dropping a hand to grope Heejin’s ass.

Heejin’s response was to first say, “M-mommy, she’s smushing our dicks together so tight,” and second to immediately lean over to kiss Haseul.

Haseul sweetly returned the kiss and crooned lovingly.

“Stating the obvious during sex is so weird…” Hyunjin murmured before speeding up her thrusts.

All of the women moaned in a four-part chorus of chaos and disharmony, nearly drowning out the sloppy noise of lube slipping around everybody’s dicks and the more subtle sound of the fish jizz in Yeojin’s stomach being sloshed around.

Yeojin’s legs flopped up and down by Hyunjin’s sides like excessive ragdoll physics. She was no longer an active participant (not that she had been for the last several encounters), merely allowing the lust and unblinking enthusiasm of mostly Hyunjin to move her as needed to bring them all ever closer to paradisiacal simultaneous orgasm.

The simultaneous part didn’t include Yeojin. She was already cumming, hard and repeatedly, so fast and frequently as to have resembled a genuine medical emergency…

~~~

“Yo, god.”

Dammit, not god! Now what?!

“Came back to say thanks. I figured I sounded a little ungrateful before, so… thanks for the third cock.”

Honestly I had nothing to do with—Actually, you’re welcome. Can we go back to what we were doing now, separately?

“Yeah. Just one question though. This three cocks in my ass thing is kind of the greatest thing of all time, and in my head I described it a moment ago as ‘so good I’m gonna fucking die.’ Am I about to fucking die?”

How should I know?

“I would assume you’d know, being g—I mean a documentary narrator.”

Hm. I suppose there have been one or two moments in the last few minutes in which your potential demise has been mentioned, and there could be a whole circle of life narrative in here.

“Wow. Fucked right to death. That’s pretty metal.”

Ferrous indeed, but no. I’d say you’re fine.

“Living would probably be the ideal outcome. I’m gonna have to experience this triple penetration again, for sure… Damn, I’m such a fucking slut.”

I believe Jinsolitus used the term sex toy.

“Haha, alright that works. You’re cool, god. You know that?”

Definitely not.

“Not cool? What a nerd.”

No, I mean god. Not god, you scoundrel.

“I’m gonna call someone at Second Ring to tell them to name a fleshlight that looks like me ‘Scoundrel.’”

Sure. Okay… Ah, the circle of life. And by that I mean nobody is dying and everybody is having a great time fucking Yeojin’s ass or occasionally her mouth. Her ass is the circle, though somewhat triangular at the moment, and she is feeling extra alive. Ergo: circle of life.

~~~

Heejin halted her kiss with Haseul. “Hey, I’m going to cum soon… Where should—”

“Wow, me too,” interrupted Hyunjin.

“Inside me! Inside!” Yeojin screamed, her lack of volume control now a consequence of her five dozenth orgasm.

Heejin squinted at Hyunjin as they both continued to bounce Yeojin up and down between them. “It hasn’t been that long. You’re cumming already?”

“Hey, some people just jizz sooner than others,” Jinsoul said.

Everybody except Yeojin looked down. Jinsoul was sitting on the floor behind Haseul, and was pushing a very large metal cup into the center of the gangbang.

Hyunjin glanced side to side, not at anybody in particular. “Are we doing a countdown or something?”

Haseul stroked Hyunjin’s arm. “You can cum aaany time you would like. I would love to feel your batter covering my cock and Heejin’s, packing this little froggy sooo full of—”

A squeak from Heejin distracted Haseul from continuing, “Yes… mommy!”

The first and likely smallest load was pumped out of Heejin and into the very cramped interior of Yeojin’s butt. Liquid also came out of Yeojin’s mouth, but it was drool. The hot, sticky, not-piss filled every bit of space it could reach before some had to be ejected down and out from between the three dicks and into Jinsoul’s big cup. The cup is probably foreshadowing.

With that, Heejin triggered Hyunjin’s orgasm, and Haseul figured she might as well cum too. Their combined semen blasted out of every nook and gap. Yeojin’s orgasms continued throughout, overloading her mind. Her tongue fell out of her mouth and her eyes rolled. Being fucked silly was kind of one of her hallmarks, but being fucked silly into endless orgasms on three dicks at once was a nice departure from the norm (the norm was generally one to three orgasms).

Hyunjin was the first to pull out of Yeojin, her dick being followed by a massive spurt of semen before Yeojin’s ass closed up again. She wasn’t quite gaped enough to let everything out while still plugged up with two more cocks. When Haseul and Heejin pulled out at the same time though, an absolute torrent of cum overfilled Jinsoul’s big cup thing and pooled all over the floor around it, quickly covering everyone’s feet.

Jinsoul picked up the cup. “Yeah, this will do nicely.”

Stumbling back (and thus revealing she wasn’t doing anything to help hold Yeojin up), Haseul looked Jinsoul up and down. “Yooou’re not planning on forcing Yeojin to drink all of that are you? Also where’d you get that?”

“Trust me. If you weren’t here to stop me, I’d be forcing this shit down Yeojin’s face with a funnel and a leaf blower. But as it stands I have other plans. And this old thing? It was in a corner somewhere with a plaque that said ‘holy water.’ Didn’t seem important so I dumped it.”

Hyunjin took Haseul’s step away as her cue to do the same, and dropped Yeojin’s legs, ceremoniously because they were in a church but no different from how she’d drop Yeojin normally. Heejin may have been strong, but the sudden gravitational force broke her grip. Yeojin flopped onto the floor, barely conscious, pouring jizz from her ass, and laying in a lake of it.

As the only one with any shame in the church, apparently, Heejin blushed. “Sorry… she slipped.”

Haseul shrugged. “She’s alright. She even managed to get this far without a drop of cum on her face.”

“Except,” Jinsoul noted, “I came in her face, and pissed on it.”

Hyunjin scowled. “Wait, is that why she was all wet?”

“Yes. She also pissed on herself,” Jinsoul stated.

“Oh…” Hyunjin started to walk away.

Yeojin’s eyes fluttered open. “Fuck… Am I still alive?”

Haseul knelt down in the lake of cum and patted Yeojin’s forehead. “You sure are! Aaand you’re a fantastic, field-tested triple cock sleeve!”

Yeojin sat up, jizz dripping off of her back and hair. As soon as she turned around, rapid footsteps approached, and suddenly Choerry dropped to her knees next to Haseul, furiously jerking herself off.

“I’m arriving, Yeojin! Please take my white stuff!”

Nobody had a good reaction for Choerry’s arrival, or for her arrival. Copious quarts of cum coated her quarry’s countenance, completely covering Yeojin, cranium to clitoris.

Yeojin wiped globs of cum off of her eyes. “Where the fuck did you run off to, Choerry?”

Choerry twitched as her orgasm died down. “Well I kind of hid in the rafters, and then behind that thing.” She pointed at the altar.

Haseul laughed. “Well, at least one specific person got lost and hasn’t showed up again.”

Jinsoul hopped off the chancel and past the knocked-over pew. “Not exactly.”

“What’s that mean?” Heejin asked as she helped Yeojin to her feet with no small amount of difficulty as they both slipped a bit here and there. Everybody made their way toward the exit, moving a bit slowly for Yeojin’s benefit, leaving a trail of jizztastic gooeyness.

Against the far wall, everybody saw what Jinsoul was talking about and collectively groaned in disgust because it was that bitch whore stupid bitch Vivi. She was upside down, shoulders on the floor, back against the wall, and legs hanging down next to her head. Her priest outfit was quite disheveled and missing the pants at first glance, but at second glance it was clear that her pants had been used to tie her arms behind her back and to a curtain’s bottom pole.

“Ugh,” Yeojin moaned, “You didn’t just kick her all the way out?”

Jinsoul put a hand up. “Calm down yall. It’s not like I fucked her. Besides, this way we can go home without having to deal with her shit.” She hefted the holy water (or rather, holy cum) basin a little higher. “And also…”

Vivi looked desperately at the other members for help and tried to say something. That’s when everybody noticed her priest’s collar had been detached from where it had been and shoved into her mouth as a makeshift gag. And what a gag it was! Nobody needed to hear that dumb whore’s voice.

With a grunt, Jinsoul tossed the contents of the basin onto Vivi, drenching her in mixed cum and all the shame a terrible person like her deserves.

~~~

And so, Churgirleum Yawjinius and her friends, not including Vivwhore, stepped out of the church’s front doors, into the beautiful light of spring midday, enjoying a hearty laugh.

Yes, spring. The leaf canopy is getting denser as creatures play beneath. The shade provided will be important, as summer creeps ever closer.

For now, though, the clean, crisp air revitalizes all. The occasional light rain shower washes away any of the grime left from winter, and memories of the cold are long gone.

I think we’ve all discovered some new kinks here today, haven’t we, dear viewers? I’ll leave you with this fact, definitely about nature: Art is pointless. Exuberant and wonderful, but pointless. We say that we may be advanced by art and yet it does no such thing. We, nevertheless, are defined by our art, as are swaths of time. Pointless, art may be, but it is necessary.

Documentary fuckin’ accomplished.

~~~

*The narrator is not a biologist. You better fucking not be reading this footnote mid-story. Get back up there and finish reading the actual fic, dweeb!

[ragingstillness]

Finally getting around to watching CM:E

Thoughts thus far:

Rossi is sad and I remain pissed that they killed Krystal for no reason

Grey!Em is still my favorite thing

Happy to hear some swearing, the original show needed more of it

Let Rossi say fuck 2k24

“Remote Garcias” “we’re not gonna learn their names” lol Luke stays savage

“Anglophile baking club” oh come on Garcia. We all saw how shockingly queer everyone at that party is. It’s a kiki, plain and simple

Weren’t Luke and Garcia going to go on a date? Oh it’s been three years

“Take your carbs and exit sir” I love Garcia so much

“Hoo-ha” lol, burn Goop to the ground

“Korean drama” it’s a BTS anti unsub

Garcia straight up flapping I love her so much

Damn the writers for this Krystal flashback

Emily is gonna eat this Deputy Director alive

Oh thank fuck at least the rest of Dave’s family is alive

The Galvez cheek kiss *eeeee*

That little head kiss, Rossi’s such a dad/grandad

Damn Sicarius how do you have the time to dig all these holes?

Hahahahahaha I picked up on Tara and Rebecca at the same time as Emily

Waha Tara being openly queer!!!

Paget is like a proud mama that someone in the BAU finally gets to be queer

Dang this cashier girl is like literally saying exactly what I do at work

“My floof” I relate to this girl so hard

“Jagoff!” “Fuckhead!” Get his ass Rossi

Damn this therapy talk is so accurate go Garcia

Garcia and Rossi’s friendship is my Roman Empire

Man I can’t believe Sicarius actually thought that he could control obsessional killers. Dude, they aren’t going to listen to you

Sicarius you anti-retail asshole. I will dream of smashing you in the head with an axe from the hardware store where I work

Emily and Dave walking together both with grey hair look so cool now

“Is everyone but me getting laid?” “I’m not” lol ngl I appreciate the increased sexual humor

That’s my girl Garcia! I hate what it’s gonna do to your mental health to be back but I’m happy to see you

Dude if you’re gonna be a criminal psychopath with these amazing computer skills, how are you not at least making money off of it? Like, there is zero reason for you to be poor. Normally I wouldn’t say that about anyone but dude, are you seriously providing these kill kits for free?

Wait a sec he actually /took/ the dog? He didn’t just kill it? Dickhead!

“This fucking guy” yeah Rossi, read my mind about most unsubs on this show

Rebecca and Tara’s height difference is kind of killing me in this elevator scene they’re so cute

Garcia are you wearing Rocky Horror earrings? Love that

Haha fine furry friends returns

Dang y’all is Rossi the only one allowed to say fuck? It makes him sound like a teenager that just learned all the swear words. Let Garcia say fuck 2k24

I can’t believe that it’s an actual plot line that COVID prevented serial killers from killing so they had to change it up and go online. I’m sure the writers thought it sounded cool but it just sounds silly. What, did Sicarius’ first kill kits also include PPE?

Also why are these guys so willing to kill themselves for Sicarius? They seem like devoted to the cause and frankly, so many of these guys are narcissists and we’ve just seen one defy Sicarius, why are they listening to him? Seriously? No matter what he has on them, why would they consider it more important to follow his orders than their compulsions?

“You two-faced little jerk” yeah I hope he heard that

Soon we’re gonna be seeing Emily’s daydreams about killing people, not just Sicarius’.

Seriously, the idea of Sicarius having money problems is so dumb to me. He’s been shown to have immense resources and technological capability as well as ample time to use them. There is no reason why he should be financially unstable. I get that stuff like private school is expensive but dude, DUDE, you’re running a network of serial killers! It’s not THAT expensive! I feel like this whole plot point is set up to humanize him to a degree and it isn’t working well.

God whatever props guy worked on these posts for the fake forum Sicarius is using had fun. There’s a user named George_Jungle_fkr whose post consists of “I have a waifu, too!!! She lives in the jungle. I fuck in the jungle. I kill in the jungle.” With a profile picture of George of the Jungle. No shit. Pause on that screen, it’s wild. User GetHungry1893 with a post about not judging people and a profile pic of a man with bloody hands sucking on a bone. User NotSoFast with a drag racing car profile pic and with a post titled “I’m getting more guns!” That then goes on to use the phrase “waifu” and *wink wink*. User Tiredoftheblood101 with a bloodspot clipart profile pic and use of the term “OP”, asking about how to kill his MOM (capitalization his). Also in the background a user named Anonymous1232 with the anonymous logo as their profile pic.

Wait Sicarius actually has a real job? He wasn’t just bullshitting about it so he could travel all over the country? What, is running this serial killer network like a side hustle for him? Wait wait wait and he’s going on business trips that the company is actually sending him on? Like he’s following their directives? And driving a company car? This is insane. If they’re gonna characterize Sicarius the way they have been, none of this makes sense. Side note: the guy playing Sicarius is actually a good actor and after some of the previous disappointments (Scratch and the Chameleon) it’s nice to see.

This DEI discussion between Sicarius’ daughter and the redneck neighbor was not something I expected to see in Criminal Minds.

“You fucking beta cuck” yeah pretty much what I’d expect from a guy like this. But also, hysterical to hear incel language being used in real life. Damn man, you just called his daughter a bitch? He’s gonna flay you alive! I wouldn’t provoke anyone like that, even without knowing they’re the head of a serial killer network. Anyone can snap you dumbass.

“Somebody should do something about that guy.” Oh of course she says this to the serial killer. Good lord. “I’m glad you’re not that somebody.” Oh honey yes he is lol. Or he’ll send someone from the network to do it.

Ha I just realized that I carried a case exactly like the kill kit cases when I worked for the Red Cross. Contained equally suspicious things (needles, gauze, etc), if you didn’t know what company I was working for lol.

“Those who bankrolled you” then why is he having money problems god this is so dumb! “I’m not putting a gun to my head” yeah I predicted this would happen.

More hysterical users on Sicarius’ platform: User NotSoFast at it again “I miss my family. Bad aim” User Ript4u, with a muscular torso pic talking about the fruitlessness of love, calling people lemmings, “simps,” “bitchboy,” “I will dominate,” and the delightful paragraph “These bitches think they’re got it all figured out. Walking on a cloud of happy thoughts and unicorn farts.”

Haha Garcia said fan fiction! We made it to the mainstream lol.

“Honey let it go” woman he called your daughter a bitch! I’d punch him for that!

Damn Tara you’re gonna get your gf fired

“Typical bureaucratic bullshit” yes YES the old man is out! Rossi ur a king

Is Sicarius really there in person! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Oh wow he is what a dumbass! And so close to the bomb zone too! Did you want to get blown up too?!

Yeah bringing in domestic terror was a mistake.

“Excellent. I never wanted it in the first place” also kind of misogynistic to turn to Rossi after Emily rejected you.

“Wank-weasel” Garcia ur my spirit animal

“You’re a hedge fund manager with a badge. You have never done anything” get his ass Emily! I guess after Barnes the BAU has completely lost their patience for bureaucratic dickheads

“I just wanted you to hold my hand” they are soft gfs and I love them

About time one of the unsubs turned on Sicarius

Screw the propaganda that you can just make dogs eat people when they’ve been totally docile and relaxed their whole lives

Hey Sicarius, you remembering how annoying it is to do your own cleanup now?

Who the fuck is this guy Elias is hallucinating?

Genuinely curious how he finds time to make these custom foam inserts for the briefcases

Ok why is it taking so long to identify the victims found from Sicarius? This is set in 2022, DNA is fast and common.

Can’t believe this Tyler guy looked into Garcia enough to send her the encrypted locations but not enough to figure out she literally worked for the FBI. His anger over her handing over the info makes zero sense.

I know a lot of ppl hate Will for getting in the way of Jemily but he’s a very good husband. Patient, intelligent, cute. I like him.

“I believe you, but will Mom?” This new sibling energy between Rossi and Emily is everything. Also that burgundy blazer set is amazing on her.

I think Tyler has a little crush on Garcia. He just wants a woman who will kick his ass.

“Because of you I feel safe in our home” so cute literally so romantic I love them when they’re sweet

Only tangentially related but I’d love to see an episode where a serial killer breaks into another serial killer’s house. Like would it go “whoops my bad” or “you asshole you jacked my plan!” or would they just kill each other

Garcia’s little rant is hilarious

“I’m not a problem. I’m a delight. I’m a little dramatic but wonderful” yes you are Garcia

I almost believe the deputy director truly didn’t want to be overseeing this case. My guess, without watching the episode, is that he wants to prove he has some field experience so Emily can’t use it against him anymore. Also he might have a small crush on her and be a little afraid of Rossi. This season is full of men who like dominant women and I support that. I don’t support any sort of relationship between this man and Emily but I support the concept

“Bullshit. She broke your heart.” Welcome to working with profilers sir.

Also finally figured out what Emily’s scathing inditement of the deputy director reminded me of: it’s Hotch’s profiling of his team to defend them against Strauss

Emily’s smile when she finally got one over the deputy director, so pretty

Garcia and her ‘puter like she literally did the cat meme

Ok the orange crocs are a sin I would throw a folder at him too

Not surprised Will doesn’t have cancer but pissed they even teased us with it.

Haha Garcia is gonna make that dude keep the cat lol

Oh hey Sicarius. Nice to see you. Gonna kill a senator now?

lol Sicarius is like yeah I’m not sticking around for this freaky Oedipal shit. You can bankroll me, but I’m not into voyeurism on this

I know we’re supposed to be worried but 1) using a streaming site undercuts the tension of thinking a character will die and 2) that was the sexiest wheels up ever

Hahaha wow they didn’t even try to give us a realistic justification for Sicarius taking off his shirt

[sebsxphia]

brat tamer!bob and the vibrator got me thinking about him punishing you for cumming without his permission…

at this point you haven’t cum for days and bob knows how absolutely desperate you are..

he comes home from work and just immediately shoves his tongue in your mouth while his hands slide slowly down. this man picks you up while pressing sloppy kisses up and down your neck. Laying you down on your bed as his kisses go lower and lower till he is sucking on your clit. Taking turns biting at it and swirling his tongue around the nub, while his thick hands keep your thighs apart.

But as soon as you gasp “Robby, I’m so close”

this man takes his mouth(and hands) off of you and announces that the two of you are meeting the rest of the daggers at the hard deck. but before you go to stand up..

“not just yet sweetheart ” he whispers as he goes over to the top drawer of your dresser and pulls out the remote controlled vibe

like 45mins later y’all are surrounded bu your friends with the -hasn’t been used at all- vibe lodged in you. as soon as you all sit down you feel it begin the vibrate as you try and school your expression

Robby leans over and whispers in your ear

“one sound tonight and your not coming for 2 weeks”

the whole night just as you think your safe- be turns on the vibe at varying levels at strength as you do your damndest to not let it show, the risk of 2 weeks too much

but just as you think you’re successful (everyone finishing up their last drinks of the evening) bob turns it up to the highest setting and gently reaches over(under the table) and pushes the, already precariously placed vibe, deeper into you while rubbing his long, thick fingers up and down your gentle folds. this time-you break. bob knows exactly when you go over the edge, your cum running onto your seat and his still embedded hand

“oh baby, you see hear him condescend.

-also is their is 🦚anon?

oh god oh god oh god dear anon!!

no no because even if you don’t show it in your face, bob knowing exactly as you go over the edge, clenching just around his fingers and feeling your cum slick his hand?? the look in his eyes and his condescending tone makes fear run down your spine.

bob’s punishment is simple. he won’t take away your orgasms, oh no. he’ll give you more seeing as you want to be so greedy (his words not mine). he’ll keep the vibe inside of you for as long as he safely can. if he has to take it out, he’ll strap one to your clit while you go about your day or you’re sat watching tv. it goes on for two days and even though he gives you lengthy breaks, you’ve never been so overstimulated and barely able to hold a single coherent thought.

the first time you want to come, you look at him and ask for his permission. “i don’t know why you’re asking me, bunny. you didn’t need to ask before did you? so come as much as you want. no holding back.”

you’re almost grateful bob is letting you come as much as you want without permission, but by the second hour it’s torture and you’re giving him pleading eyes.

“no bunny. brats have to learn and take their punishment. you’ll be so good for me after and won’t come until i say, won’t you?”

FUCK ME

thank you so much for this insane thot my dear anon and absolutely you can be 🦚 anon!! 💌💖

[count-skribula]

i saw that you were welcoming infodumps that relate to dracula! i have a not so fun fact about bram stoker and oscar wilde to share :)

so. we know for a fact that wilde was invited to a bunch of dinners at the lyceum theatre. we know stoker wrote those invitations, and it's overwhelmingly probable that he was also responsible for making the guest list. we have tons of evidence showing that stoker was pretty close friends with wilde's parents. basically, we may not know the specifics of their relationship-- we have no solid evidence that justifies saying they were close-- but we do know they knew each other. they hung out in the same circles, their families were friends, stoker presumably chose to invite wilde to all his cool club dinners, and wilde certainly kept in touch with florence.

wilde also adored both henry irving and ellen terry, the leading players of the lyceum, so he found a lot of excuses to visit the theatre. he and stoker shared a passion for walt whitman's poetry. they went to the same university, where stoker recruited wilde to the philosophical & historical society-- though wilde was never a particularly active member. all this to say that wilde was definitely, inarguably, someone who had a presence in stoker's life.

in stoker's only work that can be even remotely considered autobiograpical, which is actually a biography of his boss + allegedly close friend henry irving (titled personal reminiscences of henry irving; wouldn't recommend it, it's not exciting reading), he never mentions wilde. not once. not even when he just straight up lists all the famous people who visited the lyceum theatre.

the book was published after wilde's conviction for gross indecency. there's no record of stoker voicing any opinion about the trials or the conviction-- no public outrage, no public mourning. nothing. wilde's brother wrote to him about the whole ordeal, but there's no evidence stoker ever replied. ellen terry was vocally supportive of wilde. author hall caine, to whom Dracula is dedicated (under the petname hommy-beg), expressed shock and grief and moral outrage. but as far as we can tell, stoker said nothing.

to me, that's one of the loudest silences in history. the only indication of an opinion we ever get is that some years later, he published some articles arguing for the moral benefits of censorship of plays and novels.

florence kept the letters wilde had written her till her dying day, though. apparently her family was convinced she could have prevented the tragedy if she had just married wilde instead of stoker, which is..... certainly some kind of take lmao

(most of this info is taken from Barbara Belford's biography on Stoker plus Talia Schaffer's article on the influence Wilde had on Dracula. they both end up... idk, sort of trying to psychoanalyze a guy who's been dead for a century in a pretty invasive way that kinda skeeved me out? but all the claims i'm repeating here are pretty well substantiated by historical sources, which both authors were very good at tracking down. i know i probably don't need to cite my fucking sources in a tumblr ask or explain why i'm choosing to rely on flawed sources but it's the grad school brainworms i can't help myself)

Don’t apologize for citing sources I love you for it ❤️

Also that’s SUPER interesting, there just seems like a lot of uncovered bts drama happening with stoker and wilde’s relationship but like you said so much of it is just speculation and it’s easy to slip into territory of disrespecting dead people by theorizing too much about their personal life. But it is a really fascinating subject to learn about

And I’m realizing asking for info dumps is an amazing way to get through the off season so YESSSS THANK YOU!!!

[infiniteglitterfall]

Okay, here's a strange poll topic. But bear with me.

I went to a fucking AMAZING college. Mills College, in Oakland.

It was for marginalized genders. It had become majority queer, and majority students of color. 41% of its students were first-generation college students. A ton of students were resumers, finally able to finish their college degrees.

Going there meant you got something marginalized people almost never get: the sense of a history, a curriculum, a world built by and for people like you.

It had awesome interdisciplinary programs. You could learn anything, really, and figure out how it connected to your major somehow. Major in Biochem with a focus on environmental science, and gobble up all the Ethnic Studies classes you liked, then do a senior project on the impact of climate change in the global South. Do Data Science and take all the Book Arts classes, then, idk, create open source software that lets people print art books on 3D printed mini presses.

So OF COURRRRRSE the clueless Board of Trustees decided that it wasn't profitable enough. Not businesslike enough. Shut it down. And gave all its assets to global chain school Northeastern University.

But also: OF COUURRRRSSEEE we cannot leave it at that.

We have all the collective knowledge to rebuild it, as a low-residency university. Where you have a one-week in-person intensive each semester, (with remote options for accessibility), and the rest is online.

I'm working on rallying the alums and planning this out.

What I want to know, more than anything, is -- assuming this was a doable price and/or you got a scholarship --

This poll is not legally binding, obvs. I'm just super curious about how many people on Tumblr would hear, "hey this is basically a queer/trans school with some cool cis women," and jump at the chance.

Even if you skip the poll: if you think it would be nice for this to exist, please reblog.

[rosinasnoot]

One of the first things new friends tell me (and one of the most common compliments I get from existing friends) is “Dude, you’re smart. Like really smart.”

(I promise this is important context, bear with me.)

In most situations, I am really quick to understand things. I’ve been classified as a gifted kid since third grade (8-9 years old), and I’m the person that other people flock to for help (even in college!) because I know how to explain things. We learn something in class and ten minutes later I can turn around and explain it to the people who need another way of looking at it to really understand. And I’m happy to! I love helping people understand things; I spent my summer as a calculus tutor and would choose tutoring 100% of the time if I needed money during school (and I only don’t need it because of a huge merit scholarship I have that I got for crazy good test scores).

So every once in a while, someone will absolutely lose their mind (with anger) over something I did. I suspect that this is because, consciously or not, they’re thinking “How in the hell could someone this smart be so fucking stupid? There’s absolutely no way she’s not at least a tiny bit aware of how her actions are affecting [speaker/their loved one(s)].”

I hate that you had to find out like this, but I really am that oblivious sometimes. I thought I was being helpful, I had no idea that what I did was “shutting [person] down, so sharply and completely that we didn’t say anything because we were absolutely floored” and not “helpfully moving the conversation along because [reason].” ([reason] ranges from “we have limited time for this and their idea isn’t helpful for the reasons I listed” to “I thought [person I stopped] was being actively unhelpful and I could do it better.” No I wasn’t aware in the moment that there were better ways to handle these situations, thanks for asking.)

No, I really couldn’t tell that [behavior] was being perceived as “disrespectful and rude.” I genuinely didn’t have a single clue that [person] was upset with me for it, not even the tiniest suspicion. I would have apologized and stopped doing it if I had known. I want to believe that I would have asked about it if I had even remotely suspected.

I knew that I should have done [thing], but I didn’t realize it was such a big deal and I psyched myself out because I thought I had a close-to-acceptable reason not to and the idea of doing it made me really nervous. I genuinely couldn’t tell that [person] felt slighted/offended when I didn’t do it. If I’d known it was that important I would have just done it. (I think I should have anyway. I’ll try to be better about that.)

I was genuinely completely unaware of the harm I was causing. Even though I feel really shitty about it now that you’ve told me. Even though I probably would have felt similarly upset if the roles were reversed in any of those situations.

I’m not as self-aware as I seem, and I’m not anywhere near as socially competent as you assumed from how quickly I understand everything else. I wish there was a way for other people to understand how deeply oblivious I can be without needing to see it for themselves. You didn’t totally believe me when I told you about a time this happened because you love(d) me, but I wish you had because this is not a “making it sound worse than it was because of low self esteem” issue, I really am like that sometimes and neither of us will see it coming.

[angelhummel]

okay so in honor of pride month, i have something i wanna get off my chest for real. sorry if this is super long

I have a tendency to go outside of tumblr spaces when looking at glee content — something i frequently regret. but in my time in those spaces, i often the most delusional take ever. it is basically, “kurt was always kinda pushy towards finn. so did he actually DESERVE to be called a slur??? 🤔🤔🤔 let’s discuss.” this shit boils my blood to no end and while it’s obvious why, i feel the incessant need to defend my boy kurt at all costs.

for one, he wasn’t any more pushy than any other character in the show. i mean for god’s sake, rachel quite literally THREW herself at finn as early as the first episode and i guess that’s fine??? what kurt did was virtually no different bc all the characters do weird, out of pocket shit throughout the show. it really only bothered finn bc kurt is a boy and finn is OVERLY bothered by the prospect of a boy having a crush on him. (more specifically that its kurt — he just simply dislikes kurt being attracted potentially straight guys. thats why he took so much issue to kurt singing with sam. it’s always been about his personal issues with kurt)

moving on to the actual scene in question, so much of what flop accused kurt of was grossly unfair to him. like he says something along the lines of “im scared to even take a shower when youre around,” implying that kurt is some ‘predatory gay’. which is ironic, bc we learn from kurt himself that he never showered after gym JUST to avoid be labelled as something like that. at no point did kurt’s advances move towards remotely ANYTHING sexual in nature, finn just instead assumed that of him

finally, i do believe that flop WANTED to call kurt a slur. he knew that kurt wouldnt call him out for it and you can tell from his tone that that had been building up inside of him for awhile. he wanted something that would push kurt away/scare him. he just went for the cruelest method possible in the moment.

so all this was to basically say that flop hudson sucks and that kurt did not deserve any of the shit that he endured. he was pretty much taught by his peers that it is inappropriate and unacceptable for him to have the same wants and desires that literally any teenager would have simply bc he was gay.

thank you for tuning into my rant. this has been stewing for awhile lmao

lmao yesterday i saw a gifset where cory as finn was doing some good fun acting and i stared at him for like a minute going "if i focus on the cory of it all, can i trick myself into liking finn even a little bit?"

the answer was already no, but if it hadn't been, this ask wouldve set me straight. thank you <3

i've definitely talked about that before tho bc omg. finn has the nerve to call anyone else pushy. i know its not like it'd happened in the show already but. this is the boy setting up a whole kissing booth to manipulate quinn into kissing him aksljfsdlk. or the way he got drunk at the wedding reception in s4 and was hounding rachel. that literally gives me the heebie jeebies lmao sorry to be dramatic about it but i hate it

and god yeah it just breaks my heart bc we know that kurt is always walking on eggshells around these people anyway. and literally 2x04 has become one of my least favorite episodes bc of how hard it is to watch as a kurt stan lmao. sorry it has like two iconic songs but finchel are so fucking manipulative and awful and i've had several rants about this episode before aljsfdlks but basically boils down to them literally making kurt feel like he's committing a crime by asking sam to sing a duet with him and isolating him to an unhealthy degree

and then wanna act all :O four eps later when kurt is like "im getting tf out of here to go to school with people who are nice to me" aslkfdslfjsd

anyway literally just search "2x04 anti finn" on my blog and you will find more posts than you would ever care to read lmao

[dameronscopilot]

Hello, love! I'm loving all the asks on your blog today and I was wondering if you had any dad!benny hcs or ideas you'd like to share?

Hi hi hello! Thank you for coming to hang out (and I hope you're having a lovely weekend) 🥰! I was hoping somebody would ask to talk about this because my heart literally explodes at the mere thought of dad!Benny.

Dad!Benny Miller

As soon as you find out that you're pregnant, Benny would launch into full-out Dad Mode™. Like, you get home from work the next day, and he basically went out and bought every single baby-proofing item that he could possibly find at the store. (Frankie and Santi hate coming to your house now because neither of them can figure out how the fuck to open anything since the entire damn house is baby-proofed.)

Not only does Benny come to all of your prenatal classes with you, but this man takes notes.

Benny turns into a full-fledged mother hen while you're pregnant and refuses to let you do anything that's even remotely taxing on your body in any way. ("Babe, no. Let me open that banana for you.")

When you first bring her home, she's so tiny in Benny's large hands. He's so so so careful with her, and for a while, he walks around the house with his voice pitched down to a perpetual whisper.

Half the time, when you wake up in the middle of the night to feed, you find Benny passed out sleeping in the chair beside your daughter's crib.

Benny will gladly be your daughter's muse whenever she wants to have a field day doing his hair and putting makeup on his face.

He watches YouTube videos to try and learn how to put her hair in pigtails and braids. He's absolutely terrible at it. Your daughter loves it, and whenever you offer to do her hair instead, she stomps her feet and says she wants her dad to do it.

Benny definitely walks around the house singing all the silly theme songs to your daughter's favorite tv shows (even when she's at school).

He loves carrying her around on his shoulders, and she always steals his hats (even if they're huge on her little head).

Benny is literally the worst at saying no to her. The w o r s t. Like, there's no such thing as "Pick one toy" at the store for him. It's "Okay well as long as it all fits in the trunk"

He absolutely teaches her how to burp. And how to properly punch any little boys that bully her in school.

--

» BENNY MILLER MASTERLIST

[her-acts-of-cruelty]

it’s over, isn’t it?

theres a lack of lemon content and i am here to change that

this is some domestic stuff i wrote out of spite, because we as a fandom are not exploiting the thomas thing

written for the sexy @suniico

.............................

“You’ve got to be taking the piss” he’s wide eyed and leaning away from you in defeat, “how have you never seen thomas the tank engine?”

You shrug, ”not something i really put on, fireman sam was good though”

“Love, I don’t think this relationship can go on much longer, I have to educate you” he hunches over to grab the remote to the tv.

“Do i get a say in this?” 

“No, you’re gonna stop, watch, and learn and then after the first episode I am going to quiz you on what occurred” he points an accusatory finger at you, flicking through the channels without even thinking about it as the familiar theme tune begun to blare out. 

“Great to meet you Mr. Lemon, sir, thought we had finished with school huh?” you groan, leaning back against your citrus lover.

“This is more important than school ever was, Thomas is a way of life” he insists, gesturing to the train rolling onto the screen. 

Unfortunately, you enjoyed the show more than you expected to, and it lasted way more than you thought a children’s cartoon should. It wasn’t quite like a spiritual experience, which must have been the case for Lemon, but you were definitely pleasantly surprised. And, as promised he began asking you quick fire questions, ones like “who was the fat controller? What was the moral of the story? How many trains passed Gordon by?”.  By some weird twist of luck, you had gotten every question right, which earned you a content hum from lemon, “Alright, maybe you did pay attention, good job love.”

“And now?” you raise an eyebrow

“And now what?” 

You scoff, “Well i was expecting, i dunno, a prize? A reward?” 

He laughs softly, turning to face you, “and what did you have in mind?”

Shuffling the smallest bit closer, your eyes drift to his lips, “oh i dunno-”

His comical expression fades and he leans into you- only to be stopped by the intrusion of your hand, “you can do the dishes, and finish the laundry, as you thought you could get away with leaving your blood stained work clothes on the brand new bloody carpet”

A pained huff is all that comes from him at first, “really?”

You get up, “c’mon, i’ve got stuff to do too, what would thomas say?” you half mock him, now realising the weight you had to use against him.

“Fuck off, don’t use thomas against me! You got me excited then, thought me might y’know, bless the new couch” he wiggles his eyebrows at that last part, looking up at you for approval. 

Much to his dismay you scoff, “thomas is right there on that screen, you wouldn’t want him seeing that would you?”

“Oh so im being cockblocked by thomas now? christ almighty” he rests his head in his hands, reevaluating his life choices. 

“Well, ill let you get prepared to do the dishes, thinking of popping out to get a crate of something?” you do an awkward finger gun gesture, which earns you a disappointed sigh. 

“At least get me something would ya? This is a celebration, you lost your train-ginity!”

You give him a disgusted glare, “my what?” 

“You heard me, you got to experience the magic train”

Laughing, you walk out into the hallway to get your coat and shoes on, “i see why tangerine gets pissy whenever you bring up thomas now, did you give him the same lecture?”

Hes stood in the doorway now, leaning against it’s frame, “funny enough, no, because he would wake up every morning at 7am to make sure i didn’t miss an episode, even watched it with me on saturdays” 

You shake your head in a wave of disbelief, “Thanks for letting me be the first person you serenade with Thomas the tank engine? Oh, and the sentimental rant?”

He nods full of glee, “not a problem”

You yank the door handle and open the door, “ill see you soon yeah?” you kiss his cheek

“Woah- hang on there-” he says defensively, putting his hands out as a precaution

“What?”

“I’d like a proper kiss if you’re gonna leave me here like this, yknow, to motivate me”

You roll your eyes before smashing your lips against him, getting a grateful noise from him, you pull away a second later though, “happier?”

He stands tall and grins, you cant help but let out an amused chuckle, “good, ill see you soon love” and off you pop

[theparadoxmachine]

I need to explain why this man means so much to me.

I grew up in the 90s, actually a little too young to have watched him the first go around. But growing up, I feel like every show I watched had a storyline where the main character has to learn the lesson Be Yourself. And that's a fine message. But those characters were specifically designed to appeal to a mass audience of kids. They were everyman style characters. And frankly, it's easier to Just Be Yourself when you're an everyman and the weirdest thing about you is that you still play with Barbies in middle school (everyone did this I think) I liked those characters fine too. There's nothing wrong with Lizzie MacGuire or Ginger Foutley. But they weren't me. The characters that most resembled me were usually in episodes where the lesson was Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. See it's a lot harder to swallow the lesson of "Just be yourself! Give people a chance to know the real you!" When you're weird. And I was WEIRD.

I now realize that I am in fact a traumatized, mentally ill neurodivergent queer woman, but back then I was a Weird Girl. So yeah good for you Lizzie, you're not getting bullied for ribbon dancing but what were my peers supposed to do with someone like me? I was reading Poe at the age of 8. I was quiet and liked fire and wanted to be a war goddess while being afraid of everything. The family joke was that I was actually from another planet. I was processing trauma I didn't know I had while listening to John Williams and Fleetwood Mac while everyone else was listening to Hansen and the Spice Girls. I loved reading about curses and cryptids and medieval torture devices. No amount of just be yourself messages from cartoon preteens was going to cut it.

But then there was Pee-wee. Pee-wee was WEIRD. His entire thesis statement was weirdness. He was the Patron Saint of Weirdos. He looked me dead in my eyes and, as Paul said on Portlandia, told me BEING WEIRD IS NOT A CRIME. When someone with a pet pterodactyl and a talking armchair tells you it's ok to be yourself, you fucking believe them. He walked the weird walk and took as many weirdos along with him as were willing to join him. And there were many it turns out.

Would Pee-wee think my love of horror and death was weird? Probably. Would he think it was weird that I make friends with moths and wasps and spiders and snakes? Yeah. But you better believe he'd take one look at my gothy apartment and put me right at the top of his list of people to call when it was time to decorate for Halloween. I'd have been on the guest list for his Halloween parties every year. Because being weird wasn't something that needed to be forgiven or tolerated. Being weird is a GOOD thing.

I have had such a strange emotional journey lately but where I've landed now is this. I'm not sure I can live for myself right now. But I'm going to do my best to stick around. For him. For Pee-wee and for Paul. Because I know he'd want me to. He'd want me to live and be weird and rejoice in my weirdness.

And he was always there. During bouts of depression and hardship, through all my health problems. His natural soft speaking voice always resonated at the perfect frequency to calm me down during my anxiety attacks. When I was stuck at home with spinal fluid draining into my brain, I played Pee-wee's Big Adventure, because it made me happy and because the dvd always restarted without prompting so I never had to get up if I lost the remote amongst my messed up sheets.

I met him in 2017. I pushed back all my social anxiety and went alone to my first convention because he was going to be there. Doing the terrible math, this would have been around the time he probably got diagnosed. I will be forever glad I went. I was speechless but I shook his hand and held it and tried to thank him, to convey without words how and why he's one of my favorite people in the whole world. The line for the meet and greet was over 2 hours long. He had to leave in the middle to get something to eat. He went to every single person in line and apologized and promised he would be back. I regret I'll never get to bring him muffins. But he was by all accounts one of the sweetest men in the world and I'm going to spend a lot of time missing him. And rejoicing in my weirdness. Because being weird is not a crime. Because he'd want me to. Because weirdos have to stick together.

And given the people I met at that convention, I think it's safe for me to paraphrase the words of Blanche Devereaux here and say, if love can help you wherever you are, you've got it. More than you could ever know.

I love you and I miss you.