#thank you for the ask btw I love complaining about my favorite things (genuinely)

[knackfandomarchive]

What are your thoughts on Charlotte's role and presence in Knack 1?

Much like anything else in the game, the ideas surrounding how Charlotte lived her life are so interesting and so not explored whatsoever.

She's almost exclusively a plot device. She's The Woman. The princess trapped in the castle, the one that got away, the mastermind. And in the second game, the mom. Don't get me wrong; those elements are plenty fun to play with. But she didn't get enough screentime to become her own character. Or I'm just oblivious.

What has she been doing all those 20 years living among the goblins? How well was she treated? How has Gundahar managed to lie to her for so long? Why would she choose to offer her skills for Gundahar’s wars? How did she feel about doing that when, at the time, goblins were the only victims? What did she see in Gundahar in particular and in goblins more generally?

Did she have any friends? Lovers, even? Assuming she really believed it when she said the Doctor left her to die, she may well have considered herself single after her fall. But nothing about her time among goblins is even mentioned in passing, except for her assertions in the second game about how cruel Gundahar is.

And then how has she changed as a person over the years? What mannerisms has she picked up living in a different culture? How is her relationship with the Doctor impacted by this change? He turned her into an angel in his mind; how is he going to feel when she's not perfect (and never has been)? How is she going to feel coming back to him after so long?

To sum it up, KNACK's storyline is better suited for a cartoon, where plenty of side plots can be explored, rather than a video game, where players want to get back to playing. Part of me wishes I could interview the creators and pick their brains about the story and world, but the other part of me wants to stay as far away from them as possible.

Oh yeah, and to top it off, I want to complain a little about how Charlotte's disability is erased in the second game. It's like nothing happened. Would it have been so hard to have the doctor or one of the boys hand her her cane or something? She had to climb all those stairs at the monastery.

[snootlestheangel]

If someone hasn't asked yet Pricegravesnik for that ship thing :D

Ooohhh a challenge! Let's see where this goes lol

They're all married for this btw

If anyone wants to submit another ship, please do so! If you actually have other ideas for the questions "Like who takes the hottest showers?" then I'd love to hear them!

Who was the one to propose? Actually I want to say Price when he proposed to Nik. I want to say neither were willing to commit to marrying each other for a couple years until something happened and Price realized it's never a guarantee to keep the good things in life, so might as well keep them close while you can. Nik's the one that started the flirting with Graves and wanted to propose to him, but Graves beat him to it. (my tired brain made me read that as Graves proposed to himself, which honestly? He would. He'd do it just to mess with them and go "Sorry, I'm already engaged")

Who stressed more over wedding planning? I genuinely see Nik as the one that was flipping out the whole time. Graves was surprisingly the least stressed (he was recruiting his Shadows for help shhhhh) and Price was experiencing about the normal level of stress you'd expect for a wedding.

Who decorated the house? Graves. In truth, it was a mostly group effort; Price's favorite recliner is there, Nik's very nice, suspiciously acquired liquor cabinet, a few things they've both received from Laswell, Farah, Alex, and the 141 boys. But Graves is the true decorator. Granted, most of this stuff is gifts from the Shadows when they heard he was getting married.

Who does the cooking? I, again, want to say Graves's Southern ass does, but like... I feel like Price knows his way around a kitchen, ya know? Nik is banished from kitchens.

Who is more organized? None of them are necessarily organized per say. Graves is the best at keeping the appearance of being organized but in reality it's Price. Graves's planners are always neat, his desk is always neat, but that doesn't mean shit. Price's office always looks like Nik landed a copter too close but he knows exactly where everything is and he's the most on top of schedules/appointments/important dates.

Who suggested kids first? Nik. Like as a serious suggestion. He's seen the way both his husbands are, and he just knows they'd be wonderful dads. Desperately wants to be a girl dad.

Who's the cuddler? Nik is the cuddliest, but Graves is a close second. Price just wants some fucking peace and quiet.

Who is big spoon/little spoon? Graves always ends up the little spoon of at least one of them. As much as he tries his best to be a big spoon and big spoon only, he always ends up in the middle of them with one wrapped around behind him. Nik is always a big spoon though, and somehow Price ends up being the little spoon. (Graves is not complaining, he's got two bears for husbands so you know ending up in the middle of that is hella nice. And he should be thankful) *I am extremely jealous of Graves now but I have no one to blame but myself and maybe @midnight193 for submitting this ship*

What's their favorite non-sexual activity? Probably something quiet, but at the same time they're all so chaotic it'd never stay quiet long, so I almost want to say something like *mind blanks* Um.... Honestly? Bowling. Don't ask me why, it just popped in there and now I can't get that mental image out of my head. That or axe-throwing cause they're each such show-offs. Graves gets a +2 strength bonus when the Shadows are around

Who comes home drunk at 3am? Nik. Is there really any other answer? It's not often, it's still a rarity, but still. That! Or it's Graves after a party with his Shadows. He's always absolutely blasted after social engagements involving alcohol with his Shadows

Who kills the spiders? Price. None of them are afraid, but Graves did have one really bad allergic reaction once and ever since then Price is the one to kill the spiders. Nik tried using fire once. It did not work. He is no longer allowed to kill spiders, even though he promises to never do it again

Who falls asleep first? Hot take? Graves. He's going 100 all day and just crashes once it's bedtime. Sometimes, if Nik and Price are coming home late, they walk in to see Graves just sprawled out on the bed, having not even bothered taking his jeans off and he is out cold. (of course they always gently get him into bed proper and that's how he ends up in the middle)

A head-canon? Nik is a human furnace, which is partly why he has to be one of the ends when they cuddle/sleep. There have been times where he's ended up in the middle and Price is just on the floor cause HOT. Graves, a true Texan (he's Texan right? *I am having an existential crisis over this for some reason??*) is used to the heat, and is secretly sometimes reminded of home with it, so he's okay with being swarmed by human heater Nik. Price, a fucking Brit, can't stand it when he's too warm for comfort. He'd rather kill his back sleeping on the floor or their really shitty couch than be trapped with that. A second one because why not? Price always ends up being the "victim" of sexual jokes/blatant nasty flirting from Graves and Nik. He can be chilling, minding his business, and suddenly one of them says something really dirty to the other and Price, the poor thing, it's not his fault he gets so easily flustered!

Do they have any rituals? Graves has so many rituals when it's Shadow Olympics week. There's too many to count but they're all vital for his team winning, and even some of them to ensure none of his Shadows are harmed/all have fun. Nik constantly teases him for being a dad, which ends up in Graves calling himself Daddy and making Price snort his tea. Price has incredible oral hygiene, and the other two have pretty normal routines for that sort of thing. Nik's only "ritual" is the series of stretches he does before flying. It took a while for Graves to be able to witness it, so Price once recorded it and sent it to him.

Who has the most patience? Nik, a thousand times over. Price has to deal with Soap, Ghost, and Gaz on a constant basis. And those boys are so needy they can't just leave him alone during leave, either! Graves can be pretty patient, but after a long day of dealing with hyperactive Shadows and a giant techie with chronic anxiety, he gets a little snippy. Nik on the other hand? Totally chilled out like 90% of the time. He's had a couple of bad days where he'll scowl at someone annoying him and the very rare occasions that he does lose his cool. Ghost has witnessed this once, and the rant Nik was on wasn't even directed at him, but he's still traumatized by it (@cod-dump has an incorrect quotes that definitely inspired this. In fact! Mike is the fucking reason I'm obsessed with Graves now! So *angrily stomps but it's more like a cute puppy* damn you! This is your fault!)

Gif that sums up their relationship?

I dunno I tried. I searched too long and this is all I could come up with

[voydhund]

Could you explain flickergate?

I've seen it in a few of your posts and I admit I'm curious.

(you've opened a can of worms, grab some snacks and get ready because WHOO this is gonna be fun.) RAHHH THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER I LOVE IT SM Where to start with Flickergate? Suppose it's only natural to start at the very beginning. (BIG LONG POST BELOW!!!)

November 6th, 1983. Will, Mike and the rest of The Party had just stopped their game of D&D, after Mike's mom had shut it down. While Mike complains to his mom, asking for more time, Will and the others had been cleaning up, and he had found the dice he'd lost- which rolled a 7- and mentioned it to Lucas, who says 'If Mike didn't see it, it doesn't count.' A few moments later, they're all outside, Dustin complaining about Nancy being a bitch, and they ride off, Will staying behind for a moment. "It was a 7." "Huh?" "The roll. It was a 7, The Demogorgon got me. See you tomorrow!" the garage lights flicker behind him as he rides off. Mike notices, but shrugs it off, turning them off as he goes back inside. On his way home, Will's bike lights flicker aswell. He looks down at it for a split second, and he sees a Demogorgon in the road once he looks back up, startling him and causing him to swerve off the road and into the woods, crashing. He abandons the bike and runs home. When he can't find Joyce or Jonathan, seeing the unlock itself with a figure in the window, he runs to the shed, loading a gun and pointing it at the door. Instead of coming through the door, the Demogorgon appears behind him, and it's too late once he realizes. The shed light flickers and grows brighter.

Ok so, there's like, all of Will's screentime for Episode 1. Remember, The Upside Down is frozen on the exact day Will first went missing- November 6th. In later seasons that becomes an issue, but they discover they can manipulate the lights in the rightside up from The Upside Down. Electricity seems to be a pretty big thing in this show. For example, Dustin's "I could feel it" "The electricity." line (in refrence to a canon romantic pair btw), the whole 'Demogorgon make lights go brr' thing, etc.

>"It was a 7." "The roll. It was a 7, The Demogorgon got me." Here, it shows that Will can't lie to Mike, even if it was going to help him. Will seems to think that lying to Mike- to himself -and pretending he doesn't like him at all is going to help the both of them. But Will isn't a good liar, and he can't lie forever. So. Season 5. Will and Mike have ended up in the Upside Down somehow. They are at Mike's garage again, and still, it's November 6th. Will can't lie anymore- he admits that he likes him, sounding stressed and nervous, like he might cry. Mike kinda just pauses, processing, and just kisses him. The lights flicker. They notice. That's basically it, though pretty summarized. Cool, right? While I don't think it will happen that exact way, its probably gonna happen. Again thanks so much for asking about this this is genuinely my favorite Byler thing ever. (/gen) @lucas-nowhereislands @looking-into-the-voids-jaws

[nightcolorz]

i’m late but for the ask game: armand 6, 8, 25

YIPPIE!! Thank u sm for sending this, I’ve been pretty severely injured lately and I woke up feeling so shit and sad, so getting this notif absolutely made my day. Armand !!! He is my favorite character in anything ever. I have literally never been so insane about a guy before. U picked some great questions so I’m super excited about this.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I identify strongly with Armand for a lot of weird little reasons. I think the root of it is transgender and autism stuff if I’m honest 😭 Im going to try not to get tooo personal 👍👍 but I will let’s be honest, I will get personal. I can relate to being fetishized and characterized for my sort of androgynous/pretty/boyish appearance while I feel like how I look doesn’t truly reflect who I am as a person. I definitely get the struggle of being demeaned and treated like a child bcus of the juvenile ish appearance transitioning can give you. I also can relate to being demeaned and treated like a child because of my social awkwardness (due to autism) that causes many ppl to assume I’m unintelligent or immature, need to be treated gently or talked to slowly, etc. I see these parts of myself reflected in Armand ofc in different more vampiric ways, and having a character who is infantilized and talked down to while also fetishized and sexually exploited for a perceived innocence that isn’t reflective of who he really is at all, a guy who is also very strange and awkward and doesn’t act right, who is also simultaneously very bad ass (imo lmao) in his shamelessness and his overtly violent and freak of nature attitude, is weirdly very validating and empowering for me, lmao. He is like the weak shameful parts of myself if the weak shameful parts of myself had teeth. 👍👍👍 Yeah 😁😁😁😁 Armand 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

lmfaooo, I’m so happy u picked this one bcus I love complaining and being a hater 😍 I am sorry in advance if I say anything that ruffles any bodies feathers, just bcus I don’t like these things ppl do doesn’t mean I don’t like the ppl who do them, y’all do u I’m not stopping u. Anyways.

I don’t enjoy how a handful of amc exclusive fans characterize Armand, because you can tell they rlly only understand him based on Wikipedia reads and his brief appearance in the show so far, which results in this sort of glaring simplification of his character in fan content. This wouldn’t rlly bother me if not for how prevalent it is 😭 like it’s genuinely difficult for me to find interesting and in character fanfic about Armand bcus so much of it is uniformed. The amc fandom sort of dominates the tvc fandom, it’s just so big. I don’t like when Armand is reduced to Louis’s new scary hot boyfriend/Lestat replacement/potential villain. It feels like he’s often perceived through this lens of a role in the story, like “hm this guy seems like a potential villain”, “no I think he’s a new love interest”, which is a conversation I find no appeal in at all considering you can’t fit the Armand I love into any of these narrative boxes. This isn’t rlly smth I have personal beef with bcus there’s no harm in fans of the show characterizing armand based on there limited knowledge while they wait for the next season, but for me it’s a pet peeve you know, as someone who rlly rlly likes armand a lot 😭.

(This is the exception to my no hate to u if u do this disclaimer btw, all the hate to u). on the subject of amc fans, I also often see this hostility towards fans of book Armand, where I’ll see amc fans talking about how perverse he is conceptually in the books and how gross ppl who like him are, which REALLY makes me very mad, because ok. Listen. Show armand is not a character yet, any and all things you enjoy about armand as of now as someone who hasn’t read the books are 1. How he looks. And 2. Things from the books that you apply to him in a new context. Assad’s performance, the people working on the show, the writers, everything that you base your enjoyment of armand in, is from the books 😭 But god forbid someone enjoy the source material over the hypothetical character who barely exists yet? God forbid someone do the same thing u do (take smth arguably morally dubious and interpret it in a way that u find interesting and compelling while acknowledging the morally dubious source material) just not in the context of an adaption. Ok. God forbid I enjoy and identify with an adult character trapped in the body of a child who is misperceived for his youth and sexually abused, it’s not like this is the same concept of beloved amc Claudia anyway. It’s also not like I am capable of enjoying something while criticizing it and disliking it’s flaws, and coming to conclusions based on critical thinking and analysis of concepts that may have been executed poorly, that I still admire and enjoy, bcus I am capable of complex thinking, and I don’t need to blindly enjoy every part of smth and perceive it as flawless to enjoy it. We all know that’s fake ! Anyways sorry for the angry rant 😭😭😭 moving on.

On a separate note, I also sometimes have beef with how fellow book armand fans portray him. This is small and sort of petty but it bothers me when Armand is drawn as like, very small and skinny. Maybe it’s bcus I head canon him as chubby and sort of cherub-built, maybe it’s bcus in TVA armand describes himself as strong in build and “not waif-ish”, but either or it does feel sort of wrong and off putting when I see Armand drawn as like, so small and petite that it’s emphasized. To me this reads as a missing of the point, if you will. An emphasis on physical qualities representative of innocence and youth that aren’t reflective of Armand’s character, only rlly how some other characters see him. I can often tell when an Armand fan enjoys him for the superficial qualities (eternally young, angelic looking, etc) over who he is, and it always encourages me to steer clear. I hope I’m making sense lol. This is also sometime present in fic but it’s more subtle and difficult to describe. Anyways

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I was thinking about this yesterday! I was first introduced to Armand when I was maybe 11 or 12, my dad put on 94 interview with the vampire for me and my twin sister while he did work around the house etc. he started watching it with us (he loves 94 iwtv) but by the time Armand showed up at the half way point he got up and started doing other things, so my sister and I were alone in front of the screen. For some reason lost to time my sister and I were very excited about seeing Antonio Banderas, maybe because we knew him from Zorro, so in the aftermath of the buffoon scene with Santiago that we found really funny, when Antonio Banderas appeared on screen we were hyped tf up. We were so enthralled in the moment of his cunty ass entrance we started cheering and clapping and screaming 😭 I think shrieking ARMANNNDDD!!!! At the screen (with no knowledge of who armand even was) Till I started laughing to tears is in my top ten formative moments. My first viewing of iwtv was just like that 😭 there was smth in the water that had my sister and I loosing our fucking minds with excitement over that movie. Anyways, I only immersed myself into the fandom and got rlly into tvc just last year, when I read interview with the vampire (smth that’s always been in the back of my mind since my first viewing, I really did love that movie) and then the rest of tvc. When I was reading interview with the vampire I had that subconscious excitement over Armand’s half way point appearance brewing from the get go (every time my sister and I have watched iwtv together since we were 12 we’ve done the same screaming at the screen ritual for armand) so when I was re introduced to him I was instantly attached to him. I very quickly discovered how much I was enthralled by this guy, like by his first appearance and description it went from a weird little nostalgic affection to a “omfg I feel many inexplicably strong feelings for this guy”. He was just so magnetic and weird, I was intrigued by every thing about him, like Louis lol. I started drawing him a bunch b4 I’d even finished the first book, and by the time I was introduced to him in tvl he was my favorite character. Tvl really solidified my armand obsession, and queen of the damned made me the person I am today 😭 insane. I think my impression of him now should be obvious at this point 😔 he is my silliest guy every morning I wake up and he is the first thought in my mind I cry about him daily I worship him like he’s my god sometimes I see a blender and I am so overwhelmed with emotion I want to scream if a professional looked into my brain and saw all the armand in there they’d diagnose me with super mega autism. I like him a lot. 🫶

Thank you sm for sending this ask once again! I’m sorry it’s so long lol, hope my responses were interesting. This is the ask game in question for anyone who may potentially want to send me more asks: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/734243514562510848?source=share I would cry with joy if so.

[team7-headquarter]

hey, love your blog!!! just wanted to ask who your top 5 favourite naruto characters are right now? 🤭🤭

Thank for the love!!!!!

Since saying my favs are Team 7 feels kinda like cheating, I'll name my next favorite 5 characters so far, since I'm rereading the manga so I'm kinda forming new opinios, okay?

Oh. The order of the names mean nothing, btw. I'll just mention them as it goes.

DAN KATO: I know no one really cares about him because he was just a backstory love interest to Tsunade. Yet, for me he's full of potential. His trademark jutsu is dangerous... He's a ghost guy! How cool is that!!! And he genuinely loved Tsunade, accompanied her in her grief, stood by her side, inspired her and prioritized her over Konoha, at the end of the day. I can't stop making aus for him in my head... It's getting troublesome...

HAKU YUKI: At this point it is obvious that my favs aside from Team 7 are the ones that died waaaaay too soon and we couldn't quite enjoy as much as I wish we could. For me, Haku is one of the most important characters in the whole manga. His ghost haunts Naruto and all his actions and decisions. The Land of the Waves arc is my favorite and Haku is one of my favorite antagonists too. You can say Zabuza and Haku are the blueprint of the whole "talk no jutsu the antagonist until they self-sacrifice", which is not a small thing to say. Anyway, I love Haku!!!!!

TSUNADE SENJU: they gave us a woman president who is an alcoholic, uses her skills to substitute the non-existent plastic surgery, it's the most accomplished doctor of the whole world, has the strength to make any man crumble with a single punch, is totally obsessed with betting even when she's a classic cringefail... Just tell me, HOW can I not be obsessed? She's a war veteran, she's an older daughter, she's a princess, they blew to pieces her little brother, her lover died as she tried to heal him with her arms deep in his open wound, she basically adopts people and supports her and trains them to be their best versions, she was cut in half, she has an awful short temper, never fell in love with anyone else because she was faithful to her one and only love. I can keep going.

INO YAMANAKA: in truth I'm a total sucker for girl rivalries and friendships, but I also get so mad because Ino is so misunderstood!!!!!! Ino is the one member of the Konoha 12 that stood up against bullying when she was still just a child. She lost her father in the middle of a war and took up the leadership without complaining. She lost her sensei and had to watch him die because her while she applied her medical ninjutsu. She has an amazing trademark jutsu that captured even Obito for a while, she is cunning and bold and she's just unapologetically in her femininity. She will try to seduce her target, so what? She wants and wants loudly, she dreams big, she loves with all her heart. Ino is my special girl <3

SHISUI UCHIHA: This one is super recent, I'll have to admit. Like with Dan, it's completely based on the potential of the character. He had such a powerful sharingan and such an interesting personality. The manga barely mentions him, so there's plenty of room to play around with his characterization and the "what ifs". I also like his design a lot, it is like a male version of Kurenai! Also, it was either him or Obito on this list, because I've been thinking about Obito a lot. But yeah, I guess the funny Uchihas have my preference lol.

It's a weird list. Hm. Hope that's good enough for an answer...

[hard-core-super-star]

I don't know how I didn't stop to think that being anonymous actually makes me very mysterious - you just avoided my villain era. Oh yeah, there should be a complaints box, so we could inform and complain about this total mutual discomfort we are going through.

who knew my messy essay would save my neck, thank you for your mercy. I think it could be a result of the second star, the power has gone to my head, I'm going to try to change that😔

now you kind of have to tell this joke or I won't be able to sleep peacefully.

yeah! they actually did a titans show and it looks like it was something like 8 or 80, I didn't watch it either but the reviews are always someone either liking it or hating it, never in between. buying all the comics is my princess dream- but okay, since you're talking about game universes, I agree with you, but tell me I'm not crazy when I say that nightwing completely eat in the Lego games.

that's exactly why I started watching Legends of Tomorrow lmao, they're so silly and chaotic and I love it, not to mention it's the kind of humor that makes me laugh genuinely when I least expect it. OH NO- WAIT In that case I would happily get started for you with an honorable mention to the kiss after their first date and the phrase “I can't be normal” and right after the “I don't want you to be normal” HJSJWKSNDEKK time passes but I'm still stuck in this moment.

they... they canceled the show? haha what? 😀

“slightly traumatized” LMFAO- this shouldn’t be so funny but yeah, I totally get it. I know there's this supercorp thing (I think that's the name) and they are literally the golden retriever gf and the black cat gf 😭 do you still have this blog? asking for scientific research

– 🌟

you're welcome, i'll be here all night [ignore the timezone difference] to remind you how cool and mysterious you are. i would joke and say my inbox is technically a complaints box too but i feel like we'd make one joke about it and somehow add another conversation to our list 👀

i'm not saying i told you so but i did warn you that the second star would be too much. keep that in mind if you ever want to ask for a third one.

honestly, the joke was just going to be the blood-sucker thing which is a direct reference to vampire [both the song and the fic] but then you made the blood-sucker comment for me so my reference is kind of irrelevant by now 😶

i would poke fun at the show for that but i think all my comfort shows have those types of reviews too. i'm pretty sure hawkeye didn't do that well with the general public so i can't hold it against titans. i cannot believe you're bringing up the Lego games because, this is embarrassing to admit but, i was OBSESSED with the Lego Batman 2 game and that's exactly what led me to fall down the DC rabbit hole and eventually the Nightwing rabbit hole. after Lego Batman came Injustice and then the Batman Arkham series which is still my favorite videogame series to this day. even though i never finished origins.

i'm serious do NOT encourage me to talk about this show, i can go on for ages, it's so silly but so important to me and it honestly has the best queer representation of all the Arrowverse shows. [with the exception of Batwoman which was taken from us too soon. and yes that is another rant.] ajksdfhjaghjhdagjh that episode will live in my mind rent free until the day i die! i remember watching it when it aired and i lost my damn mind at the "i don't want you to be normal!" outburst. i love them with all my heart.

whoops, i didn't realize you didn't know. i don't know what season you stopped at but basically, without spoiling anything, Season 7 ended in a cliffhanger and then the news came out that both Legends of Tomorrow and Batwoman were cancelled AKA the two shows with the most queer representation. meanwhile, the flash [aka the show with like literally zero rep unless you count subtext] got to do its last [awful, btw] season. as you can tell, i'm still pissed about it.

i have a love-hate relationship with supercorp because i adore them but [to no one's surprise] the CW ruined them and just used their relationship as queerbait since the show was obviously going downhill. the blog is actually still up but i am far too embarrassed to leak it because...yikes.

[catzula]

Seven stages of falling in love.

Synopsis: You're afraid of needles and Bakugou is not the most suitable person that should be handling your shots for seven days.

Pairing: bakugou x reader

Warnings: cursing, I have no idea how long it is since it's written on my phone this time, probably a lot of errors

Genre: fluff, some tiny bit angst but a happy ending so no worries

A/N: I was on a 9-hour road trip and wrote this to keep me sane.

BTW 50 followers yaay!

Day 1

"What do you mean I need to get antibiotic shots for a week?!" You exclaimed, refusing to believe what you just heard. It was just a sore throat, or so you had thought. You never liked doctors, so you rarely saw one, but when your 'sore throat' lasted for a whole month, your friends literally forced you to go see one.

You knew it wasn't anything important, but maybe it would help to get a home rest for a day or two, giving you a little more time to binge anime study for that one exam that was coming up.

All your hopes and dreams died when you;

a) didn't get to have any home rest, cause apparently, you didn't have to stay home for a sore throat,

b) had to get shots for a week?!

This was why you hated doctors! You went in for a sore throat, hoping to get a home rest, and got what? A week of-

"It means what I just said." The doctor answered your question gruffly, making you send him a questioning look. Weren't the doctors supposed to be all nice and smiley? This one sure wasn't.

"I don't want to!" You whined, "Isn't there a pill or something I could take?" He sent you a look that could only mean, are you dumb or something?

But you couldn't care less about what he thought about you, though he was one of the most handsome men you had ever seen, all you were thinking about was doing whatever you could to not get any shots. "Is there no other way?" You asked, once again. This caused him to sigh loudly, turning his red eyes once again on you.

"No. You'll come here every day for a week to get shots, no pills, no nothing. Okay?" The harsh tone of his voice sent chills through your body, blood-red eyes of his made you wonder if they were real. "I- uh... Yeah, okay." You told him, feeling a little intimidated, though you wouldn't admit it if it killed you.

He turned his back to you while he prepared the syringe, giving you the perfect chance to look at him without being crushed under his crimson gaze.

His shoulders were so wide and his waist so narrow, it created the perfect triangle. You could see his the muscles of his arms flexing with every move, you almost felt unable to take your eyes off of his arms. But what stood out the most was his ash blonde, spiky hair. It defied the gravity in a way you had never seen before, and you just wanted to run your fingers through them, wondering if they were as hard as they looked.

He turned his face to you, you knew he noticed you staring, you could see that by the smirk he sent you, though he didn't comment on it.

You took deep breaths in, trying to calm yourself, though you could feel the blood draining from your face, your hands shaking ever so slightly. His brows furrowed, a look of slight frustration on his face. "You okay?"

You gulped, biting your lip. "I- I'm just..." you didn't want to admit you were scared of needles, not to him, but he did it for you. "You're scared."

You shrugged, still not admitting but not denying either. "You could say I'm not a fan." He rolled his eyes, looking at you as you were dumb. "Nobody is a fan." You could swear you heard him mumble, dumbass under his breath.

He pressed the base of the syringe slightly, testing it, not noticing or simply ignoring the look you had sent him. He rubbed alcohol on your arm, bringing the syringe closer. He was about to stick it when you couldn't stop yourself and gripped his wrist with all your might. Your hand couldn't wrap his wrist at all, and he could have ripped it free so easily, though he didn't.

"What the-"

"Wait!" You told him, not aware of what you were doing, your fear taking over. "Please don't? I don't- don't want... it."

"Come on, it doesn't hurt that much." He told you, feeling his frustration growing bigger with every second that past. He was Bakugou Katsuki, for fucks sake, he wasn't supposed to deal with little girls afraid of needles.

He was the number one of his class, he always was. He decided he wanted to be a doctor and save lives when he was so little, and he always had that dream in him. He worked so hard to achieve that, and now he was spending his summer as an intern in the best hospital of Japan, the hospital he always wanted to work at.

But this wasn't it! Ever since he started, they gave him small, insignificant things to do, like check-ups he was doing now. Sore throat? Who did they think he was, making him check sore throats and runny noses?

He felt so frustrated, he didn't notice you trembling like a leaf under his touch. Your eyes were so wide open, filled with pure fear, your under lip trembling, your hands gripped his wrist like it was your lifeline.

"I'm sorry-" you told him. "I just can't... can't stand needles."

He sighed, though he could feel his frustration disappearing slightly.

"That's fine, I guess." He told you, earning a hopeful glance from you. "Just look at me, nowhere else." That wasn't hard, was it? You couldn't take your eyes off of him anyways. You locked your eyes with his, noticing how oddly soothing his hard toned voice was.

"Listen to me, okay?" He told you. "My name's Bakugou. I went to UA Medical school, and this is my third year, 'm an intern here." You never would have guessed he was that young, only a year older than you, and he went to one of the hardest universities in Japan?

You never once looked away from his eyes, trying to forget the sharp object that was about to enter your skin. When he asked about you, you gulped, you were about to send a small glance at your arm, the one he was holding, but he gripped your chin with his free hand, not letting you look anywhere else, but his eyes.

"I- I'm Y/N." You whispered. "I'm going to ****, and I'm a second year." He nodded, and you smiled weakly.

"That's cool." He told you, "though not cooler than the fact that I finished your shot almost two minutes ago." A smug grin was now curving his lips.

"You what?!" You exclaimed, you looked at your arm, which now had a small band-aid. "You- you... how did you do that?" You asked him, smiling uncontrollably.

"A doctor never reveals his secrets." He told you, though you saw he had a small smile too.

You took your bag and coat, about to exit the room when you sent a small glance his way. "Thank you, doctor Bakugou. " You told him, earning a surprised look from him.

Nobody had ever thanked him this way before.

Day 2

"Hi," you stood at the door, not sure whether you should enter or just stay there.

"Why the hell are you standing there?" He asked you roughly. "Oh, uh, sorry." He shrugged, sipping his coffee. You could tell by the smell that it was pure poison, or in other words, espresso.

"Don't apologize and sit down already."

You sat down, feeling uncomfortable, though you weren't sure why. Maybe it was because you showed him your vulnerable side the day before? You weren't sure. 

Your eyes wandered over his figure, he looked as handsome as he was the first time you saw him, or maybe even more? It shouldn't be allowed to be so handsome, you thought. And why did that white coat look so good on him?

Though he was aware of you watching his every move, he didn't want to say anything about it since he could feel your growing panic as he walked towards you with the syringe in his hands.

"We're doing it as we did it yesterday. "He told you, "You're looking at me, and me only." He smirked when he saw you nodding. "Good."

"Now, tell me, what are you studying?" He shook his head, genuinely looked interested as he listened you blabbering. "Why are you doing this?" You asked him. "Is it for the money?"

He shrugged, though he had a smirk on. "I'll tell you about that another day since you're good to go."

"No way!" You told him, looking at your arm, which was once again already stung, cleaned, and stuck with a cute little band-aid.

"You're the best. " You told him as you giggled, still not over the fact that he already gave you two shots without you even noticing.

"Of course I'm the fucking best." He told you, making you giggle once again. "Not sure you should be using that language around your patients, Doctor Bakugou."

He made a tch noise, turning his back to you. "Whatever, go complain to the administration or something." His voice was harder than you had ever heard from him, though to his surprise, you giggled as you walked to the door.

"Of course I'm not going to do that," you told him, smiling sweetly. "Don't expect me to complain about my favorite doctor."

With that, you left the room, leaving Bakugou once again struck with shock. Nobody ever told him he was their favorite doctor, on the contrary, people loved to complain about his angry behavior and foul mouth.

And though he would never accept it, he smiled ever so slightly, noticing a warm feeling spreading to his chest.

Day 3

"Hey, doctor." You entered the room, a big smile on your face that you didn't seem to have any control over.

"Hey." He answered, making you surprised. This was the first time he said 'hey' back. "I noticed you changed our appointment hours." It used to be in the morning but you had learned just today that he changed it to 13:00.

"Yeah." He answered, looking a little uncomfortable. "Why?" You asked further, but your eyes widened a little when you noticed his cheeks had a pink tint to them. "I fucking wanted to, okay?"

"Okay," you told him, laughingly. "I was just curious, you know?"

Nope, you weren't just curious. You wanted to know if it was because he had a date or something, and even though that didn't make any sense at all, you just couldn't help yourself.

What he didn't tell you was that he did change your appointments because of a girl, you. He switched your appointment to right before his lunch break so he could spend a little more time with you, though he couldn't even admit that himself.

"Don't be." He answered as you sat down. This time he had prepared the syringes before you came so that you wouldn't get anxious as he prepared them in front of you.

"That looks like a nice book." He told you as he rubbed your arm with alcohol. You were so stressed that you couldn't even understand what book he was referring to, not aware that you were holding the book in your hands for your dear life. "It's my favorite book." You answered, not looking away from his eyes. You could swear you saw his eyes in your dream last night.

"What's it about?" He asked, once again, looking genuinely interested. You loved talking about books, so much that people would sometimes ask you to stop. But he looked so interested, like he was actually listening, not because he had to, but he wanted to, you couldn't stop.

You started talking about this book, jumping to talk about another, then another. He joined you some time, you weren't really sure when. You started to talk about your favorite books, you talked about his favorite book, argued on one book that he liked, but you hated, did the same with a book you loved, and he didn't.

The conversation lasted so long, and you wouldn't have stopped if your phone hadn't ringed. "Oh, fuck." You mumbled under your breath, realizing you were in there for at least an hour and a half. "I'm so sorry, I lost control!" You told him, laughing nervously. Did you bore him to death?

"It's okay, I guess." He told you, his hand scratching the back of his neck. "You do talk too fucking much, but it wasn't necessarily bad. And it was actually my lunch break, so I won't get in trouble or shit."

"Oh, okay." You answered smiling once again. "I guess, I owe you lunch now."

You exited his room before you let him answer, you were afraid he was going to tell you to fuck off or something, though you had never thought he would agree, he was about to do just that before you sprinted out the room.

He realized only minutes after you exited that you left your 'favorite book' behind, only for him to read it.

Day 4

"Instant noodles?" He asked you, with a look on his face you couldn't quite interpret. It resembled something along the lines of trying to hold his laughter in and thinking you were the dumbest person on the earth.

"I did owe you lunch, you know." You told him. 

"Yeah, I know, but I thought you meant something like a bagel or some shit, somewhere outside the hospital."

Thinking back, maybe instant noodles were a bad idea.

"How about tomorrow?" You asked. He shrugged, "Fine, whatever." He looked indifferent, but his pink-tinted cheeks told you he wasn't.

He shrugged, you noticed he did this a lot when he was uncomfortable, you also noticed how fast your heartbeat was every day you entered this room, and not because of the needles.

You noticed how, since the first day, you woke up feeling excited about seeing him. Thinking about what you were going to talk about that day, as you go about your day when something happened, you found yourself thinking about telling it to him the next day.

You noticed how your heart clenched, a dreadful feeling in your stomach, when you thought about the week was coming to an end.

You noticed you were starting to... fall in love with him.

You talked about this to your friends too, and they were more than aware of how your eyes glistened when you talked about him, how you smiled unintentionally.

And the problem was, that he was also aware of all these too. He saw how you looked at him, and he wasn't dumb, he knew what these meant, as well as the tightening in his chest.

You weren't the only one, waking up, excited to see each other. When Denki said something dumb, he thought about telling it to you the next day, he thought about what he could talk about with you to soothe you the next time you gripped his wrist, asking him to stop with teary eyes, he never ever wanted to see you looking that afraid ever again. Hell, he even looked at wikihow, how to calm someone down when they feel afraid, and he was about to be a doctor for God's sake.

It was scary for him, to be this vulnerable for someone, to care so much in such little time, such a foreign feeling taking over his sensible part.

He was about to say something else when he noticed your knee and the very poorly wrapped bandage over it, you had 'wrapped' the bandage like a shoelace and he never in his life saw something so horrible. He sent you a look that made your cheeks all red.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked you, opening the bandage in one quick motion. "Oh, I fell yesterday, nothing too serious."

"You dumbass," Bakugou mumbled as he looked at the wound closely. "Didn't you even clean it?" He asked angrily.

"I did!" You told him. "I mean, I tried to. But it hurts when I touch it..." He rolled his eyes as he took some stuff from the drawers. "Are you afraid of these too?" He asked sarcastically, not expecting an answer, but you did anyway.

"No." You answered as you pouted. "Just needles." He shook his head as he laughed softly. "And trees at night." You mumbled and he froze.

"You have to be kidding me!" He told you, he wasn't even treating the wound anymore, but just looking at you like he waited for you to say you were joking.

"Hey! You have to admit they have a scary side to them!"

"Trees at night?"

"Don’t laugh." You pouted. "They look all shadowy and like... they have long arms, open wide like they're about to catch you and never let you go."

"Oh my God," he groaned as he went on cleaning your wound. "That’s the dumbest thing I've heard." Though he thought it was the most adorable thing he heard too. A girl afraid of needles and trees at night.

The wound stung a little, but you didn't even feel it, you were thinking deeply about wanting to touch his hair. When he finished, your knee was wrapped nicely, and it didn't even hurt anymore.

"So, you never told me why you wanted to become a doctor." You told him as you recalled your chat the first day.

"Thought you would forget about that." He told you as you laughed. "Never."

"I wanted to save people, ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a... hero, I guess." He told you, not even sure why he was telling you such a personal thing when almost no one knew this about him.

You couldn't stop the words tumbling down your lips. "I don't know about other people, but you're my hero."

Oh, shit. Your words led to a very awkward silence, and you thought you probably shouldn't have said that, though you meant every word.

"Thank you for that." He mumbled finally, causing your head to snap up and lock your eyes with his. You didn't expect him to thank you, at all, but now you just couldn't stop grinning.

"I feel like I'm getting over my fear." You said as you looked at the band-aid on your arm, the band-aid which, once again, miraculously appeared there. There was no way he could give you a shot, clean the small wound, and put a band-aid without you noticing at all! He was either a magician or you were in too deep.

"Yeah, seems like it." He told you, though he wasn't very enthusiastic about it.

You both ate your instant noodles in silence, I'm telling you, it's a bad idea to eat instant noodles with your crush, especially if its the first time you're eating together, and you just didn't know why his presence felt so distant and so awkward all of a sudden.

After you finished your noodles, oh my God why did that last that long? you grabbed your stuff, feeling a weird tug in your chest. "I think I should go."

His crimson eyes found yours, but you had no idea what he was thinking. "Okay." 

"See you tomorrow?" You asked, but a grunt was your only answer.

Day 5

"What do you mean Doctor Bakugou has another patient?" You asked the receptionist. She looked at you like you were dumb. "He isn't available at the moment, miss. Doctor Kirishima will be looking after you today."

You didn't know who Kirishima was, but you knew you didn't want him to handle you.

"Can I maybe come later? When he's available?" You asked with the last piece of hope left in you. "I'm sorry, miss." She answered by not actually answering. You sighed as you looked at the red-haired man watching you with a smile. He looked like a nice guy, but he wasn't the reason you were here.

***

"Wow, " Kirishima rubbed his temples as he took a so from his coffee. "One patient really pushed me today."

"What?" Bakugou asked, his voice so stern, Kirishima's eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend. He was really moody lately, and Kirishima wasn't sure why.

"I had this one girl, apparently she was afraid of needles." Suddenly Bakugou's hand was gripping the glass he was holding it a little too hard. "I tried to convince her that it wasn't going to hurt, but she was crying so hard I don't think she even heard me."

"She was crying?" Bakugou's voice was nothing more than a whisper, he could feel how fast his heart was beating, and how tight the grip on his chest was. Kirishima had never seen his friend worry over someone, and he never thought he would either, but today he could sense something was up. "Well, yeah. Really hard. But it wasn't the crying that got me but more like... She was so afraid, genuinely terrified. Even after the whole thing, she kept looking at her arm and still looked scared."

Bakugou looked away, he didn't want to hear this anymore. "That must be tough."

Kirishima shrugged. "I felt bad."

That day, Bakugou left the hospital with an ache in his chest.

Day 6

You didn't want to go back to the hospital. You didn't. You were too scared.

You had thought you were over your fear, but obviously not. You could only stand them when... He was around.

The moment you thought about the spiky blonde hair and red eyes, you felt your chest tightening.

You entered the lobby, eyes instinctively going to the door that had his silver initials. Your heart fluttered in your chest, longing to see him, praying that he would be here. You walked to the receptionist. She was telling you the same thing she did yesterday -sorry ma'am, he's just not available- when the door opened, and the silhouette of a man you longed to see standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee in his hand.

A smile found its place on your lips as you started to walk towards him -the receptionist was trying to talk to you still, but who cares- feeling relief washing over you.

He was here! You felt so relieved having him here, not only because he could do your injection without you noticing -but you had to admit, that was an amazing skill right there- but also because you... trusted him. You trusted Bakugou so much, that you could open your heart to him. You loved how he listened to you when you were talking about nonsensical things, how angry of a person he was but actually so nice, how he told you he hated those 'dumbass' friends of his, desperately trying to conceal how much he loved them.

He didn't see you as you walked to him, his eyes on the paper he was holding in his hand. You were about to call his name when you heard your name being called, though it wasn't he who said it.

Your brows furrowed, eyes turning to ho was calling you. The doctor from the day before stood there next to you, with a smile plastered on his face, his hand touching your arm slightly, about to lead you to his office. "Miss Y/N, you're with me today."

Bakugou's eyes snapped up, finding you almost instantly as he heard your name being called. Realizing you were also looking at him, his crimson eyes widened a little. "But..." you started to tell Kirishima, but the guilt-stricken look Bakugou sent you that he tried to conceal told you everything you should know.

You felt like your heart that was just hammering your chest stopped, hurt spreading in your body. Bakugou wasn't coming to the appointments on purpose, avoiding you, trying to get rid of you.

Were you really that hard to deal with? He couldn't take it not even for a week? You thought about the chats you had and how much you laughed when you were near him, and your chest tightened. Maybe you just were talking too much. Or maybe, he just didn't want to deal with a girl who was afraid of needles.

You let Kirishima lead you to his office, trying not to look at the man that you just turned you back to.

Even though you avoided looking at him, Bakugou could see how hurt you were in your eyes. And as he watched you walk with Kirishima, concealing how afraid you were and how much your knees were shaking, he felt like the asshole everyone told him he was.

***

Bakugou went to Kirishima's office the second you left. "How was she?"

Kirishima sighed, taking a sip from his coffee as he watched his angry friend with curious eyes. "I don't know, man. It was just weird." Bakugou's eyes widened, his hand anxiously running through his hair. "What the fuck does that even mean, shitty-hair?!" Bakugou felt like he was going to punch his red-headed friend if he didn't give him straight answers now. And obviously, Kirishima was aware too.

"Woah, chill down. Why do you even care, Bakubro? Never saw you so interested in any of your patients." Bakugou gritted his teeth. It was true he never really cared for his patients, nothing else than their health. But it was different with you, he cared about you, and everything about you.

"Just answer the damn question already." Said Bakugou gruffly, avoiding to answer his question.

Kirishima shrugged. "It was weird." He repeated. "Yesterday she was crying, at one point she begged me not to do it. I don't think she's scared of the needle hurting him but more like the needle itself." Bakugou knew all of this, and he was going to punch him in the guts if Kirishima didn't get straight to the point. "But today she was silent."

Silent? He had never seen you silent.

"She was like a- a statue. Didn't even flinch when I stuck the needle in her, didn't cry, or said a word. She was just looking at the needle and my hand, genuinely terrified. I felt like I was stabbing her or something." Kirishima recalled the memory, and a chill went through him.

Bakugou wasn't very different either. Thinking you like that broke his heart. He could understand you crying, and he would still be mad at himself for letting you cry, but what Kirishima told him was something else. It almost made him afraid.

"Anyways, I don't know man, tomorrow's the last day anyway."

"Yeah." Bakugou mumbled as he tried to forget what Kirishima just told him.

***

Bakugou couldn't get the image of you frozen with fear out of his mind the whole day. He buried himself in his work, still not able to think about anything else but you.

He went home, exhausted.

He took a shower and ate something when he saw the book you had left for him to read laying on his dining table. Ignoring the tightening in his chest, he picked the book up, and he realized the book was the only thing that could make him stop thinking of you, even just for a second.

And as he read, nonstop, he could swear the trees he saw from his window were watching him, making him feel a little creeped out.

Hell, maybe trees at night were creepy after all.

Day 7

Bakugou was having a bad day.

First of all, he had read your favorite book the whole night, not getting any sleep whatsoever. He wasn't the type of man to stay up till night, he never liked to do so either, but he did just that. No cup of coffee was helping him either.

What was bothering him, though, was that you just wouldn't show up. It was almost the end of his lunch break, and you still weren't anywhere to be seen. He knew that because he had been asking the receptionist about you every 5 seconds for the last hour or so.

He sighed as he finished the last sentence of the last chapter, of the book he was so caught up on, and as on cue, you went in the doors as he closed the book.

Bakugou felt anxiety doubling the beating of his heart as he saw you talking to the receptionist. He started to walk to you, replaying the speech he had decided on the day before to talk to you. But as you lifted your head and your gaze found his, he forgot everything that was on his mind.

And awkward silence sneaked in between you both as he towered over you. "Uh, hey," Bakugou mumbled.

"Hey." You said. "Umm, where is doctor Kirishima?" Ouch, Bakugou thought. He knew you didn't do it on purpose but it hurt anyway. "He won't be with you today," Bakugou told you, you didn't know why he looked so tired today, but how did he still look so damn handsome? "I will."

Your eyes widened as you understood what he said relief and anxiety washing over you at the same time.

You didn't trust your voice to say anything, so you just nodded.

As you sat in his office, awkwardly tapping your fingers according to a rhythm, you didn't know he was trying to gather up the courage to apologize. You didn't even mean to come in today, but you just didn't want him to see you as a coward, even more so. So you anxiously eyed the room when your eyes found the book you had left. He saw you looking at your book that was on his desk, and he smiled. "I finished the book."

"Does that mean I can have it back now?" You asked, making him grimace. He expected you to shower him with questions, to talk about it, to hear your voice... but apparently not.

"Yeah- yeah sure." You took the book back, holding it so hard, your knuckles turned white.

Bakugou sighed. "I missed you, you know."

Your heart started to beat so fast you were glad you were at a hospital. "Well, that isn't my fault." Bakugou didn't want to, but he smiled nonetheless. "No, it's not, it was me being an asshole."

"Right." You answered cynically, earning an angry look from the explosive guy.

"And I thought it was... for the best." He went on.

"Oh, of course, what else could it be?" You just couldn't seem to hold your tongue back today, and he was aware of that too.

"Can you not make this any harder?" He finally said gruffly. "I'm trying to fucking say that I'm-" his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying, that he was apologizing. But for the first time in his life, it didn't feel necessarily wrong.

"That I'm sorry."

You didn't need him to explain why he did what right now, just hearing that he was sorry was enough for you, so you smiled. "It really hurt, you know?" You told him as he started to walk towards you.

"I know." He answered, "and I'm fucking sorry." His hands held your arms as if he was about to pull you into a tight hug. But it wasn't necessarily a hug he was pulling you into. "But I can make it up to you." He whispered as he leaned in.

"And how are you going to do that?" You asked, but those were the last words you said before feeling the soft lips pressing on yours.

Your hands went to his hair almost instinctively, and you smiled into the kiss as you felt how damn soft they were.

***

"Remember that bagel promise we had? We could either do that or I could keep kissing you." He told you, smirking when he realized how breathless you were.

"But what about the..." your voice trailed off when you noticed the small band-aid on your arm. "When did you even do this?!"

[briankang]

i saw that ask you mentioned me in (you're so right btw!!) and even though i literally just woke up i am now In My Feelings about lee know. the thing that pisses me off about the "meanhoe" nickname and the way that some stays treat him is that, and i've said this in the tags of a lot of 2kr gifsets before, but me and lee know have the exact same personality. call it Scorpio Things or whatever, but when it comes to showing affection to the people we care about, lee know and me are exactly the same. i noticed it the most during the 2kr episode with him and chan, watching it felt so familiar because it was like every close friendship i've ever had - the other person would be acting all cute and clingy and i'd be like 🙄😒 but actually i'd appreciate a lot and in return i'd just like...... take care of them? we're the mum friends, like we're ride or die and we'll look after you and we'll love you forever but we're also going to complain about it the entire time. so when those stays act like lee know is actually genuinely being mean and cold it extra breaks my heart because it's so obvious to me that he's not. me and lee know look cold on the outside but on the inside we're made up entirely of heart emojis, we're like cats that show we love you by sitting quietly in the same room as you. and the fact that stays have even said it to him?? like actually told him on vlive that they think he's mean??? unthinkable, that must be so upsetting for him ☹ obviously the members understand him and love him and know that when he's being sassy or threatening their lives he doesn't actually mean it so like, how can people calling themselves a stay not get that? when it's so obviously the case??? idk man

and oh my god don't even get me started on how some stays see hyunjin (i am begging yt creators stop using the same clips from 3 years ago to show that he's a drama queen) and chan (holy shit i have to turn the chat off when i watch chan's room because i cannot believe what people actually say to him) and felix (i know i call him cute all the time but he's my ult so it extra pisses me off when people just straight up treat him like a literal child, and why is it always from stays who are younger than him??) but this ask is already become a novel and i haven't even had breakfast yet 😅

LKSDJGLKDSGKL i need u to know i mean this in a positive way. thank god someone else is willing to write novels about this shit i feel less alone now KLEWJDSGLKDSJGJLKK BUT NO!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok but ur so right about the scorpio thing bc some of my favorite people are scorpios (maybe its bc its also my rising sign) and this is. just how y'all are (affectionate) i love it sm....it's so fun to play off of esp as a libra (christopher and i act the exact same way LEKSDJGLKJLK like. ok astrology is not real but also.........)!!!!!!!!!! wait i had no idea people actually said that to him i feel................lol at people who just say shit like that to those boys there's NO tact and ONCE AGAIN!!!!!! acting like they're not people!!!!!!!!!!! WITH EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

lksdjglkdsjlk i always turn off chat if i happen to catch chans room but i usually dont watch (not bc of him obviously but) bc he always at some point reads smth so off the wall that makes me wonder who let these people have internet access there is NO filter!!!!! at all!!!!!!! the best moments end up in gifsets anyways i trust u all to filter out to pull out the best LJDSLGKLDSK but omg.....i had already made my last ask too long but felix.........god he gets. some of the weirdest mix sometimes i want to do a study and dissect the brains of some of these people. a lot of people tend to baby him and jeongin (but...not seungmin which is ????????) and i know its bc they have a generally cuter vibe (i usually will be like ah!!!!!! there's my son!!!!! but i'm....5-6 years older than them so its moreso affectionate.......like baby brothers y'know) but......some people will literally act like those boys are not young men in their 20s who are v capable of taking care of themselves AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT IN THAT IT DOES COME FROM PEOPLE USUALLY YOUNGER???? i do not understand it. again. i want to study these people under a microscope

but also i hope u have a good morning LKSJGLKSDJLKSD I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[greekgrad07]

favorite things about your mutuals? its positivity hour, go!

it would be a fucking honor 😭 i tried to get all my mutuals this time but i’m sure i forgot people. i’m sorry if i did pls don’t hate me 🥺

this is in no particular order btw

marisa (@skaterbeth): my fellow short asthmatic <3 i love you bruh 😭 i remember being nervous to message you at first bc i thought you would find me annoying. now look at us 😌 i can message you without fear bc i know you find me annoying 🤍you’re so talented and beautiful and incredible. i love your enthusiasm and you’re so funny. every time i get a notification that you’ve sent me a meme on instagram i get excited (and idk how but there’s one almost every morning when i wake up. i’m not complaining though)

erica (@skateryue): MY TWIN ILY 🤍🤍🤍 i forgot to tell you this but i took a which female atla character are you quiz and i got yue and thought of you <3 you’re so sweet and supportive and deserve all the love! i’m glad our mutual love of the parent trap, our mbti types, and how we’re both jeff goldblum brought us together lol. the vibes are immaculate 😌

adi (@bitcheusjackson): adi you are so smart. THE TAGS I LEAVE FOR YOU ARE WELL DESERVED! you’re such a good writer and your love of musicals is so cute! i also love getting to be an annabeth simp with you (as we all should). you’re also a talented artist! i know you don’t post a lot of your art but when you do i’m always blown away <3<3<3

fátima (@deepestempathllamalawyer): my adopted child 😌 i love you sm 🥺 you’re so sweet- like seriously, i appreciate every self help posted you tag me in and every cute animals post as well. i absolutely love seeing you in my notifications! you’re also the reason i became a malconnor shipper to thank you 😭🤍 (also i still have no idea wtf your url means but at this point i’m too afraid to ask)

ashna (@silenabeth): fun fact, you were the first “big” pjo blog that followed me and i absolutely lost my shit so there’s that <3 you’re such a talented writer and editor bruh i don’t tell you that enough. also, the queen who brought us connabeth i will forever stan 🤩 you’re so funny and one of the most supportive people ever <3<3<3 (also love all of your call out posts about marisa 😌)

sarah (@perseusjackkson): i told you that you were too cool to be following me and i stand by that. you’re so chill and funny, i vibe with you sm. really, your blog is full of so many different fandom and i vibe with almost all of it. you really made your blog for the people <3 i love reading your tags on the things you repost bc they are usually hilarious. also, i couldn’t be more supportive of your engagement to my twin 🤍

regina (@bisexualzia): regina you’re so sweet and genuine and funny and the fact that you associate me with cookies still makes me 🥰 and idk why. your tag has 🔥 by it and i told you it’s bc of ouat. idk if you get that but it’s my favorite show and one of my favorite characters is named regina so <3 also i’m glad there is someone else that can agree suki is superior 😌

zitz (@four-names): another reason why i ship malconnor <3 lol you send the most random asks and they always make my day! and your tags are everything btw stop hiding them 😂 you’re not afraid to speak your mind and you’re a very genuine person :)

drew (@cubanpercyj): you are so caring and passionate! i love your replies and tags to my posts and i’m glad we agree that percy can’t swim lol. you’re super chill and i vibe with you very much. and i’m sure you’ve heard this a lot but i love your aesthetic. the water header is so pretty <3

kayra (@awkwardteenwriter): you are so sweet! and YES ofc you have a tag bruh. i remember when i first tagged you in a post and you said that it made you happy aljdkhagf i tag you in like everything now i’m sure it gets annoying. you’re one of the most caring people ever though! one of our first interactions was you sending me a virtual hug during a hard time for me and i’ll always be thankful for that 🥺🤍

jaina (@jainadurron): you are so nice. every interaction we’ve had has been nothing but absolutely lovely and i’m glad that you joined the pjo fandom! you like almost all of my posts and i love seeing you in my notifications. also! i forgot to tell you your new avatar is so cute 🥺

haania (@padfootno): i love you and i’m sorry the fic isn’t out yet pls don’t hate me 😭 you’re literally the sweetest and most helpful person ever! i’m so thankful for your help on writing hijabi silena and ever since you’ve been so nice! i also love when you tag me in posts :)

@perca-beths: you give me such good vibes idek how to describe it. also, you’re insanely talented! i found your fic on a03 and when i realized it was you who wrote it i was blown away. anyways you’re awesome and i can’t wait for your next update :)

@percabethica: again, YES you have a tag 😂 you’re so nice! i remember i asked to be on your taglist for your fic and you were so kind. speaking of your fic, i loved it i loved it i loved it! you’re incredibly talented. i always end up seeing your reblogs from me on my dash before seeing it in my notifications and there’s always a second after i notice it where i’m like “omg that’s me. i posted/reblogged something she liked.” also your aesthetic is so pretty, i love it

gray (@bbyannabeth): idk why you’re following me. what do i have to offer? when i tell you i binged your masterlist after you posted it i’m not kidding. you’re so talented and seem so chill. also i just saw that you posted a new fic and bruh, i’m about to create a reblog that has so many tags

@ohmydamgods: i’m not above admitting that i’ve stalked your instagram. your posts are so fucking funny and so are you! i also see people posting your textposts on instagram and i’m always like “*gasp* does she know?” and then i see you’ve commented and it’s all good 😂 also you’re so nice :)

@mydramaticflare: YOU ARE SO TALENTED! when you comment on my fic there’s no time to unpack all of that i lost my shit bc your fic Quiet Moments inspired me to write a percabeth sleepover fic in the first place. also you seem so sweet and you show up in my notifications a lot :)

brin (@skatersuki): first of all, suki supremacy <3, secondly, you’re so smart like wtf. every time you go off about photokinesis and all that i’m like 😐😣😐 also every time i see the book circe by madeline miller i think of you bc you’re the first person who i have seen recommend it

teriza (@wasithard): we haven’t really interacted but we have a lot of the same mutuals so i know you’re cool. lol fr though you do seem very nice and fun and chaotic in the very best way, plus you’re blog is awesome

kayla (@eggplant-avenger): hi kayla :) we met through the connabeth agenda and you are super chill. also i hope that you know whenever i read your tag i hear chris mccarrell’s voice singing ‘being a half-blood, it’s scary, it mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways’

charlotte (@sonofsallyjackson): you are the most supportive person ever. every time i read one of your comments on my fics, my heart swells. you’re too kind for this world <3

taylor (@saltyypercy): another one of my connabeth friends 🤩 speaking of connabeth, your memes are everything! you’re hilarious and your content is awesome

@getwokescullyy: you are such a talented writer!! and you’re so nice and supportive! :) we also have a lot of the same hc’s for post canon percabeth 😌 super excited for your next update btw!

olivia (@thegraystreaks): you are so talented idk why you’re following me. it had to of been a mistake. if, so pls don’t leave 🥺 you’re such a supportive person and seeing you and liz interact is so funny. fr i love your writing sm and i’m obsessed with your url 🤩

aya (@percasbeths): again, WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? seriously i have some of the most talented writers following me and idk why but i’m not complaining. all of your au’s are beautiful and i’m always blown away <3

@judoflipped: you introduced me to Apartment 305 so i’m pretty sure i owe you a kidney or something now lol. fr though you were so nice to me during our first interaction <3 you’re so sweet and you seem super chill

emma (@jasongrape): first a foremost, a superior url. you’re posts are hilarious, especially the ones of you and ash going back and forth lol.

@clr-stan: we haven’t interacted much but your posts are so good!! and you seem super sweet :) also, you’re right. if the pjo movies weren’t based on the books i would have been invested

@writinglettersaddressedtothefire: i’m pretty sure you’re also a mutual of fátima’s which makes you awesome. plus your writing is so good! also i see that you’re having a great time with taylor’s new album coming out so i’m glad you seem to be doing good 😂

lexi (@multifandom-420): one of the other three malconnor shippers on this cite 😭 you seem so sweet and your posts are top tier

@esistkeinponyhof: you are literally always in my notifications and it’s so fun lol. we’ve never really interacted but i’m glad that you like my blog :) also you’re a fellow directioner which is amazing 😌

@himbolin420: how does it feel to have a canon url? apart of the bolin defense squad and connabeth nation? we have no choice but to stan <3 i remember you kept a count for all of your mutuals when i first followed you and i thought that was absolutely precious lol

@twilight-hours: you’re in my notifications a lot and i'm not complaining. lol you always reblog the funniest stuff and i love seeing it on my dash. i know we haven't really interacted but i know we would vibe 

[zuffer-weird-girl]

I know is still early as hell. But when mother's day come around, hopefully, my country will be out of quarentine. And I will be super busy.

So. I noticed that you all like a Chisaki who begrudily shows his emotions. So why not?

Btw, the character might be a bit OOc on this one. Sorry about that and stay safe.

Mother's day...

His chest was enveloped by that tightness and bitter sweet sensation as he watched the outdoors, propagandas, and the worst, kids and other people celebrating on the fucking street with the person who brought them to this disgusting word.

Some had the luxury of having good parents right when born. Those spoiled bastards like the heroes surely didn't know what torture people had been through, more specifically the ones who didn't belonged to that word, the ones abandoned on the darkness... which hero would come to there anyway?

Heck, even in the fucking yakusa some had their parents who didn't treated them like shit.

To say the least. Father and Mother's day... wasn't a very found date of his.

He just had this eyes full of pure pain and not so great nostalgia. Memories of his past coming back like some type of torturous flash... the beating, the yelling... everything.

Pops did his best through the years to make some change of it. But with no success.

He walked past the door of his home, shoulders feeling like he was carrying the world on his back and head throbbing with a headache.

"You're back Kai!" A soft voice brought him back to reality as he merely gave a blank loook at his girlfriend, walling towards him with that smile.

He only nodded at her, not noticing her eyebrows furrowing in worry bit brushing it off as his usual attitude.

"I.. I'm going to go visit my mother for a bit." His heart seemed to sand at that, but his face didn't even twitched "If you want, you can come-"

"No." Simple and short was his answer, no harshness or annoyance on his tone, only... empytiness, lifting his gloved hand up and lowering after it with a sigh "Have a good day, careful when you come back...will you?" He said in a broken and flat tone as he walked past you.

Your worry only grew at seing that he didn't entered his office like usual, but the bedrock instead... you knew what this was all about, yet you couldn't stop over worrying about him..

You sighed as your phone buzzed, your mother worried why you were taking so long as you got out of the house with other plans in your head besides seing your mom...

~

His back rested on the mattress as his hollow gaze was directed at the windows and balcony of his room. Memories haunting him like some type of ghost or even demon that wouldn't just leave him alone.

The disgust on her face every fucking time she would look at him, him being beaten up by his biological father as she looked at her reports or clothes while he cried for her to help him.... after the incident of his father's death, her gaze towards him was absolutely the worst, not only she had that disgust, but at that time it was fear.

Like she was looking at the Devil itself at that time.

Did it cost so much to have one look of her with... care? Heck, no one asked to be born, especially him that by five or eight years of his life the only thing he wanted to was to dissapear.

He took a shuddering breath at remembering those nights where he manage to read books that weren't related about medical advances neither case of diseases... one kid's book he found on the street once and cleaned, it was childish and boring compared to the ones he had read, but he remember how it described the love of a mother towards her child.

He wanted that... was it so difficult? Was it so difficult for her to even spare at glance at him like the book itself described it? Was he so broken and disgusting that he wasn't deserved of a mother's genuine love?

Was it so difficult for her to treat him like her son? He remembered one time where at the age of six, he saw a kid on the hospital crying on their mother for just receiving a injection, seeking comfort on her... and when he came to touch the white overcoat of his own mother to catch her attention, the scowl she gave was enough for him to retreat back and stay on his corner.

He forgot how in his childhood days, he just wanted to know and feel like how it was being loved and what that word meant... he saw many parents hugging their childs and praising them, why he couldn't have that...?

Was something that bad for him to be born?

He stopped his train of thought when the door of his bedroom clicked. For a moment, he could care less at anyone who saw him that way, casual clothes as he had this broken look on his face, he could just order them to get out... but when he saw you with a bad on your hand, his body stiffen immediately.

"What are you doing in here?" I thought you were-" he started with a irritated tone of voice, praying that you didn't noticed his moment of weakness.

"I was. But I told her I would compensate on another day spending with her. I told my mom it was kinda of an 'emergency'." You smiled as you settled the tiny bug on the nightstand and frowned slightly at his his eyes, pink instead of the color white in them, but being the stubborn man he is, even with no one around, he refused to spare a single tear.

He sighed, eyes closing as he layed his head in the matress as he pointed with his palm while his free other glived hand pinched his covered nose.

"What is even this?"

You unwrapped it. One fo Kai's favorite pantries with a bit of berries on it. His sweet tooth was something so endearing for you that it made you smile purely only at him.

"I thought a little picked me up would do you some good." You cooed as he slowly opened one of his eyes and looked at what you brought. Immediately sighing, but still reaching for it.

"This will dirty the bedroom and you are the one cleaning after wards." He mumbled as he stared at the sweet on hjs hand enveloped by a napkin.

"Definitely. But will you complain about that 'I missed a spot' or something later, surely." Yoj let out a giggle but immediate stopped when you saw that you got no reaction of his. Only that he placed the sweet back on the box and returned it to the nightstand.

Ok. Serious. This shit was serious.

You sighed and walked around the bed to sit besides him, back resting on the mattress the same as him, watching him carefully.

Neber on your life you would think that you were gonna be so close yet so far from Chisaki. You were literally touching shoulders legs and shoulders with, and he didn't even scoffed or complain it about it! Yet, his mind was so stuck on whatever bad memory of his right now, that it made quite difficult to reach out for him.

Yet, you were persistent. Going for something that you knew that if anyone did that with him, they would be dead on the spot.

But not only were you brave, you knew he cared and allowed you to do it.

You sighed in hope, reaching out a gentle hand to cup his covered cheek and carresed gently. Earning only a look as if he was questioning you.

But before he could mutter one word, you slid your fingers to his ear and slowly took off his black mask, lips on that strict and straight line as his eyebrows furrowed at your actions, but he did nothing to stop you.

You holded his face gently before touching your lips in both of his cheeks and after his lips... he did nothing to stop you still.

Then you pushed his head to rest on your chest where your heart bumps could echo on his ears. His body once stiff relaxed a bit when he heard that sound which helped him to sleep.

Gentle fingers started to scratch carefully and caress his dark brow looks. The amount of love on your actions almost overwhelmed him if it wasn't for his hollow and numb estate of mind.

The voice of his mother echoed on his head along with your heart beat his jaw tighten as his arms came hesitantly to wrap around your waist.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like this day, not even a bit." You whispered on his hair as you felt him blinking on your skin "But you wanna know something?... I have one, one only reason to thank that woman..." he arched his eyebrow at that, lifting himself from your chest to look down at you like you had grow not only a second, but a third head along.

Ever since he admitted, opened himself to talk about his past for you, your rage towards those two was almost, if not equal, to his own.

You touched forehead with him as you interlocked your fingers with his. Doing your best to put ever live you had towards this man in every word.

"I only have to thank her despicable existence, for making and bringing you on this world... my knight in shinning armor, my yakusa's boss." You sighed dreamily and pecked his lips once again "My devil."

When you opened your eyes the last thing you were expecting to see was his eyes tightly closed as his shoulders trembled.

You cooed an apology immediately, desperately in making up to him but he just let his face fall to your shoulder as he let out a muffled sob.

"Dammit (Y/n)..!" He whispered as he tried to control his breathing and how his heart was hammering against his chest, your fingers on his back, lips on his temple and sweet words only overwhelmed him in a way he hated, despise it to be.

A moment where all the walls he had built on his years of life complete fell...

You must have notice how he was still trying to hold back by the way you embraced him, whispering things that he swear was the reason for his break down.

"I love you, Chisaki Kai. And I always will... hou already protect me, so let me do the same?"

His face fell from your shoulders to your thighs and stomach, burring himself on them as he gripped in your waist like a life saver as he let out all the tears he needed to shed in his silent crying with only a few sobs here and there.

All the love he didn't know he needed and secretly craved ever since childhood, he was receiving right now as a young adult from his partner... how was that even possible? Him? Receiving such a divine thing from such a beautiful and sweet person like youserlf?

He didn't know for ling he cried in your stomach, opting to bury his face on it to hide his shame of acting like he was a weak midget again... savoring like a starved man at your sweet touches and whispers of love confessions and praises.

Who needed the love love of a project of a mother when he had such a beautiful angel like yourself to care for him?

He didn't count how long he stayed there, but he did remener that it wasn't nighttime when you had come back and entered you guys room.

He sighed shakily as his grip lessen only for a bit, getting half or one inch away from you so he could take a deep breath and come back again.

"She really didn't know what she lost." You suddenly said while carresing his dark brow hair as his embrace tighten "You just are the incarnation of perfection, dammit, how blind and dumb were they?"

He tsked and scoffed in your skin.

"Dramatic..." he spoke with a sore voice, gruffly and hoarse as he heard your giggles.

"I speak only the truth here!"

He slowly got up and locked his arms around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder and burried his face in your hair. His mysophobia completely forgotten as he enjoyed the love and care from someone that knew him, respect him.... loved him.

"Aw?" You cooed as you hugged his neck "Someone is in the cuddling mood?" He only scoffed and burried his face on your neck even more "I thought cuddling was, what the words you said again?" You stopped hugging his neck to mockingly poke your chin "Ah! 'Useless and disgusting-"

"Dammit woman, just hug me for once." He growled as he tighten his arms in your waist. His words making your heart melt, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside as your arms returned to his neck.

"I love you." You cooed, nuzzling your face on his own shoulder while he squeezed you tight as his response.

Some time passed with both of you locked in the arms of each other, the two of you agreeing to at least lay down until you remembered that you were still on casual clothes not sleeping ones.

Although when you tried to move he only grunted and tighten his embrace over you, face resting on the top of your head.

"Kai I have to change."

"... just five minutes and you go." He whispered lowly in the top of your head, sending shivers even to the tips of your toes.

You forgotten thhat once Kai was in this mood he bargained and refused to let you go. And him being almost in the verge of sleep no less? You were stuck. Amd you couldn't be more happy with that.

At least you brought peace to him on a day where his last came to haunt him.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

"tell me how you actually feel for once" for starker. Love your writing btw

What You Want

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: Mature (M)  Notes: Thanks a ton, nonnie! I appreciate the compliment. This was a fun one - I hope you enjoy it!  Word Count: ~3.5k Summary: 

Peter’s a little tired of the back and forth with Tony, so he takes their ‘relationship’ into his own hands.

His weird tango with Tony started right after graduation.

It took a few months post-Thanos for everyone to get their shit back together, Peter included. He ran off with Ned and MJ to Europe, only to be duped by someone hell bent on taking Tony Stark and the company his family built down to the ground. Mysterio fucked him up and it took a while to find a way to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. While he did, he stepped away from the Avenger’s completely, ducked his head, and finished out the year to the best of his ability.

Walking into the gym in his cap and gown, Peter was genuinely surprised to see the entire crew sitting in the row next to May. Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, Clint, Thor – even Nat and Bruce were tucked into the small chairs mandated for friends and family. His face broke into a wide grin – it’d been a while since he saw anyone and, in that instant, he knew that his decision to go back to the Avenger’s was the right one.

The row where they were all standing broke into the loudest applause of the day when Peter walked across the stage. Thor, in his ornamental garb stood up and yelled – “Bravo, Master Peter!” It echoed around the gym and caused the rest of the people to clap even louder. Red-faced, he grabbed his diploma from some lady he’d never seen before and finished the walk. Right before he stepped off the stage, he lifted the folder in his hands and let out a whoop.

His eyes caught Tony on the walk back to his seat – his whiskey colored eyes bore into him, a soft smile playing on the older man’s lips. In the few months since their final interaction with Thanos, Tony was the only person he tried to keep in contact with. The ruse of being one of Tony’s interns was going to be a great cover for why he was always with Tony and around the other Avenger’s on a pretty constant basis.

No one knew about his secret identity – and he planned to keep it that way.

Peter took the smile on Tony’s face with him all the way back to his seat – the image of it burnt into his brain. They’d been talking on the phone and over text messages since his final brief with Tony and Happy after the Europe fiasco – it sent a bunch of weird feelings flowing through him, seeing the look on Tony’s face in person. The crush he’d been trying so hard to get rid of was still there, then.

Between the look on Tony’s face and MJ’s parting words, Peter was plenty occupied for the rest of the ceremony. It wasn’t until Michael Parker, his line buddy since elementary school, bumped him in the side that he got to his feet and stood with the rest of his class. Back in the moment, Peter found himself grinning with his full face – he was finally done and able to find himself on a different playing field with the people around him. Peter Parker wasn’t a kid any longer.

After giving MJ and Ned a quick hug, Peter rushed to find May and the rest of the rag tag group of people that were there for him. It wasn’t hard to follow the loud noise of everyone trying to talk at once down the hall and right into the swell of his favorite people. The group hug that followed made his heart burst, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks. Peter didn’t really know much about family – but these people around him felt more like home than anything else on the planet.

Peter got an individual hug from everyone in the group – his face literally on fire by the time he got to Tony; he’d been unable to pull the beaming smile from his cheeks for the past ten minutes. Tony standing in front of him didn’t help, either.

In the few months since their last encounter, Tony let his hair grow out a little, the man not bothering with the dye in it, either. The usually dark locks were streaked through with gray – the salt and pepper look doing too many things for Peter to handle in that moment. He traded the goatee in for a full faced beard that was finely manicured. The wrinkle of his cheek from the beaming smile slipping across his face made Peter’s heart stutter.

Tony looked amazing – better than he remembered.  

There was a brief moment of hesitation when Tony let Peter look his fill. Tony’s wide smile got a little bigger when they finally shared a glance – strong arms were around Peter’s shoulder before he could even think to fill the space between them himself. A soft sigh left Peter’s lips, the solid press of Tony against him the best thing he’d experienced all night. “Hey Tony,” Peter mumbled, his head tucking into Tony’s neck without much thought.

It took them a few extra seconds to pull away – both of them obviously reluctant. Peter smiled when Tony made a bit of distance between them, but kept a hand on his hip, too. The normally colored shades were replaced with clear lens, the brightness of Tony’s eyes shining through them. “Congrats, kid – glad you’re finally done with all this,” Tony said in way of reply to Peter’s greeting. His hand squeezed Peter’s hip while he spoke, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Same – and now that I’m done, you can stop calling me kid. Pete will do.” Peter matched Tony’s grin, a soft chuckle falling from his lips as he did. “Thanks, though – I know all of you guys being here was your thing. It was a great surprise.” He looked over Tony’s shoulder to the group chatting idly with each other. “I definitely get the coolest family award.”

Tony’s hand moved from his hip, the arm slinging over his shoulder instead. Peter gasped at the warmth against his side, being so close to Tony something that still made his head swim. Tony was a little less restrained than usual and Peter was more than willing to soak it the fuck up.

“Sure thing, Pete. Everyone wanted to see you – I think it’s finally sinking in, you coming to officially join the team. I figured celebrating your first step into adulthood was a good way to get everyone together before shit gets real again.” Tony cupped his shoulder tenderly, pulling him closer. “And I missed you. I mean – I couldn’t miss this.”

Whatever Peter planned on saying was interrupted by May pulling both him and Tony into a hug. Ever since finding out that he was Spider-Man and the way Tony fit into all of that, May treated Tony like one of her own whenever she saw him. If anything could make Peter like Tony more, it was that – May’s approval of the good person Tony actually was.

With a final squeeze, Tony pulled away, stepping back into the swell of people around them with a raised eyebrow and a wink. Peter watched him turn and engage Bruce in a conversation, the charmer in him fitting naturally into whatever he and Nat were talking about. Shaking his head, Peter moved his attention back to May, a knowing smile on her face.

“It’s not nearly as weird now that you’re not in school. I can’t tell you why – but, I am less opposed. Just make sure he treats you well.” She looked at him, then turned her head to look over at Tony, who, despite trying not to, was also looking over in their direction. He nodded and tried to smile casually – his jerky transition back into conversation with Bruce probably only noticeable to Peter.

Kissing her on the cheek, Peter turned May towards Thor – her eyes lighting up when the blonde god turned and immediately engaged with her. He could always rely on the churlish brute to charm the pants off anyone sent his way.

----

Peter found Tony by himself a few hours later. They were in the newly refurbished Stark Tower – Tony needed to have a sanctuary in the city and missed the old building – he wrote to Peter about it when Happy enlisted him to move some of the things around the penthouse. Tony was leaning against the railing on the balcony that overlooked the city, an untouched whiskey in his hands. “Mr. Graduate – enjoying your party?” Tony asked, his head turning to meet Peter’s eyes.

He stood close enough to Tony for their shoulders to brush, Peter stopping his hands from roaming by lacing his fingers together in front of him. “It’s the best party I’ve been to, for sure. Thor, Bucky, and Steve chugging beer is something I’ll never forget.” Peter felt Tony’s shoulders shake, the laughing pulling one from his own chest. “It’s nice out here, though – it was getting a little stuffy inside.”

“Glad to hear it, Pete. It feels good to christen the place with something like this. I missed this view more than I care to admit,” Tony replied, the hand with the whiskey in it gesturing towards the city in front of them. “I meant it earlier – when I said I’ve missed you. I tried to play it off, but we both know how well that went.” Tony tossed back the alcohol in his glass, the play of his throat distracting enough to miss the man turning towards him.

Mimicking his posture, Peter turned until he was toe to toe with Tony, his hand grabbing the older man’s arm. “I know. I missed you, too. The space everyone gave me was exactly what I needed. My head is clear for the first time in a while.” He gripped Tony’s elbow and pulled until the older man’s arms were around his shoulders, the hand with the empty glass hanging carelessly. “What does it mean, though? Us missing each other?”

Tony didn’t answer verbally, he simply leaned in and pressed his lips to Peter’s. His lips tasted like the old whiskey in Tony’s glass, smooth and warm. Peter didn’t hesitate to open his mouth to Tony’s curious tongue. In his exploration, Peter gave as good as he got, their tongues tangled and fought playfully for dominance. It didn’t really answer anything, but who was he to complain? Pulling away, Peter let his chest heave before attempting to press back in for more.

“Hey, wait,” Tony murmured, his free hand moving to cup Peter’s cheek. There was an odd look in his eyes, then they were trailing over his shoulder to the open glass that separated them from the rest of the people gathered in the penthouse – there to celebrate him. “We should probably head back inside – do this when there isn’t an audience.” There was a second of hesitation, then he leaned in and gave Peter another chaste kiss.

“I think we try and figure out what it means together, Pete.” Tony finally answered Peter’s question, as if the kiss wasn’t enough. And the words were just as frustrating as the man pulling away from him. There wasn’t anything holding them back – Peter didn’t quite understand the hesitation.

The door to the balcony ended up opening a few moments later, Tony raising his brow at him – the subtle ‘I told you so’ not nearly as stealth as he was aiming for it to be. They broke away from each other enough for Steve to fit in the space between them, his arms wrapping around their shoulders and pulling them close. “Feels good for the team to finally be complete,” Steve said, his words a little slurred together from the massive quantity of alcohol he’d consumed.

It took a few minutes for Peter to extract himself from Cap’s tight grip and make a quick exit back into the house, his head swimming with tons of emotions he couldn’t quite process. On top of finally marking off something that changed his status within society, Peter was getting his all access pass to the Avengers – and from the looks of it, a nice look at what being with Tony Stark might be like.

For the first time since Tony pulled his lips away and did the responsible thing, Peter felt grateful. He needed to take a little while to put things in order – starting with his very drunk aunt. Peter helped her to the spare room Tony showed them earlier, her small body following his lead willingly. She gave him a tight hug and collapsed into instantaneous sleep when her body hit the mattress.

He decided he wanted to change out of the stuffy clothes he’d been in all day and made a brief pit-stop in the room he’d be staying in for “as long as he wanted”. Tony looked at him a second longer than necessary when he said that. Peter let himself pull some of the stuff in his bag he put together earlier that day out and into the drawers, the idea of getting to be there for as long as he wanted too good to be true.

In a pair of sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, Peter wandered back into the common room where most of the group was still gathered around. All lot of them were drunk, or quickly on their way to being so, but Peter didn’t mind – he always enjoyed watching people making a fool out of themselves when at parties before. Stretching out on one of the empty couches, Peter relaxed and let the sound of his chosen family lull him to sleep.

The sensation of being picked up pulled him out of the delightful dream he’d been having. He tried to keep his eyes closed and fall back into it, but his body wasn’t having it. Blinking his eyes open, he felt himself smile when he saw Tony cradling him to his chest, Peter’s head on his shoulder. Though Peter was much stronger, Tony carried him like he weighed nothing, the ease in which he handled him making his heart race.

Peter clung to his strong shoulders until Tony was kneeling on his bed and depositing him onto the mattress. The arms around him squeezed briefly, then pulled away – the ghost of Tony’s aftershave sitting in Peter’s nose, intoxicating him with every pull of air into his lungs. “You can stay if you want,” Peter babbled sleepily, his eyes already closing as he snuggled into the covers Tony pulled back for him.

Soft lips on his forehead made him smile, the huff of Tony’s breath against his skin spreading all over him like wildfire. He leaned into the touch, his lazy hands trying without much success to pull Tony towards him and keep him there. “I don’t mind.”

Tony pressed another kiss to his cheek, then pulled completely away, his voice sounding very distant the next time Peter heard it. “I’ll take you up on that some other time. You should get some rest.” He let out a barely audible sigh. Peter felt a hand on his ankle through the blanket, then another soft breath. “See you tomorrow, Pete.”

Unable to cling to wakefulness any longer, Peter let the swell of sleep take him under, the smell of vanilla and bourbon fueling his dreams for the rest of the night.

----

They danced around each other for the next few weeks. Peter stayed with Tony until he decided he wanted to make the official move to the Avenger’s compound. It was time to get into some semblance of a normal routine. 

Steve and Nat put together a training protocol and a schedule for patrols and surveillance. Since a lot of his skills were better capitalized in the labs, Tony claimed his talents and spent time showing him the ropes of his and Bruce’s labs and all of the things they were trying to accomplish within them.

On patrols, they were separated into trios, Peter lucky enough to have two people who were just as excited to work with him as he was with them – he usually went out with Tony and Bruce to try out some of the new adjustments or pieces of tech they were fiddling with in the lab. 

There weren’t any major threats knocking on their door, so they took the time to work with everyone and customize an optimal arsenal of tech and weapons to maximize skill turnover. The new sling-ring they made for Stephen when he joined them at the compound was one of his favorite pieces of work to date.

In a lot of ways, Peter was settling in nicely. There wasn’t a single person that doubted his skill, which was a nice turn of events after being Underoos – at least they recognized his contribution to the team. Everyone was accommodating and went out of their way to show Peter the ropes, offer up suggestions, and stand in as combat partners during training. The sense of family only grew the more time he spent with everyone.

Tony Stark posed a different issue, however. They were constantly working with each other, which brought them even closer than ever. Peter understood the way Tony’s brain worked and could hand him tools before he asked for them – it became a sort of game the longer they spent in the lab together. Peter couldn’t pinpoint what was happening, but his chest got a little tighter with want and need every single day.

He wanted to pull Tony aside and ask him why they didn’t capitalize on the fact that their rooms were right next to each other. A part of him felt so impatient to have work roughened hands on him, pulling his clothes off, touching his hidden depths – it took everything in him to keep control over the emotions that were very quickly bubbling over. The rational side of him knew that Tony was giving him time and space to grow and fit within the group in his own way. He could tell that it was important for Peter to have his own place not just in the team, but in the adult world, too.

Peter wasn’t patient enough to see it all play out, in the end. After a particularly close call during their latest patrol, Peter pulled Tony into his room when they finally found themselves back in their quarters. His hands were rough on Tony’s upper arms, the grip probably going to leave bruises by the end of whatever this ended up being. Pressing Tony up against the door, Peter leaned his head against the older man’s chest – a harsh breath leaving his lungs.

“Tell me how you actually feel for once.” Peter demanded, his head lifting to catch Tony’s eyes. “The idea of not getting to you fast enough earlier made me want to throw things – I couldn’t imagine losing you, not after all this.” His hands moved from Tony’s arms to his hips, his fingers digging in enough to pull them flush against each other. “If I’m reading this wrong, tell me – but I can’t stand this little bit of distance you’ve put between us. You’re killing me, Tones.”

Arms wrapping around his shoulders, much like the first time, was Tony’s first response, the cut on his cheek crinkling as a soft smile slid across his face. “Peter – I’ve been letting you get your feet under you. I didn’t want to swoop in and tell you how much I love you before you found a place that was your own. This team is counting on me and you,” Tony remarked, one of his hands pressing into Peter’s chest. “You feeling comfortable is the most important thing.”

Shaking his head, Peter closed the gap and kissed Tony’s lips. The soft gasp he couldn’t hold back gave Tony the perfect opportunity to press his tongue against the seam of Peter’s open lips – he wasn’t shy about pressing forward and deepening the kiss. Peter flattened his hands, his arms wrapping around Tony’s hips until his palms rested over the pertness of Tony’s ass cheeks. Using his grip, he pulled until they were even closer together.

Peter broke away and caught Tony’s eye, mischief obvious in the honey-hazel of it. “I’m comfortable. Will you fuck me now? Or do I need to spell it out for you?” Peter threw Tony a wink and stepped back, his hands moving to pull his shirt over his head and remove the sweatpants from his hips.

Tony’s tongue slipped out to coat his lips, a wicked grin on his face. “I read you loud and clear, Pete,” he whispered, his hands tugging off his own t-shirt. “You should get on the bed so we can make up for all that lost time.”

[lexiauteur]

What You Do To Me

A Jumin Han/Reader Oneshot

Warnings: SMUT, do not proceed if uncomfortable reading dirty stuff. Just sayin’.

Summary: You and Jumin go out to dinner with Mr. Han but Jumin can’t wait for it to be over so he’s teasing you under the table. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A/N: Hey guys, it’s me, the inconsistent writer, haha... Ha. Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I have to admit, it’s hard to keep up a writing blog when you don’t get feedback. I know every writer has that struggle but it really is true. I did try out something new today because I know the fandom is thirsty (you people need to calm tf down XD). So please, just a little note here and there, or a little “hey I like this” or something like “you’re the best writer on this pla..” - just kidding- would totally be enough. So yeah. Let’s sin together (btw I feel dirty now) and have fun reading.

Love Lexi <3

“This is really good, Mr. Han” I said, putting another bite into my mouth.

Jumin’s father had invited us to dinner with his new girlfriend. It was the fanciest restaurant in town and also Chairman Han’s favorite because apparently the owner and him were old friends. I knew Jumin would rather have had me all to himself tonight, but I actually really wanted to have dinner with his father; it was important for me to leave a good impression.

Jumin had been complaining about it all day, practically begging me to cancel because he had other plans with me and I knew very well those plans had something do to with eating me and not expensive food. He also couldn’t stand his father’s new girlfriend “She’s the third one this month!” but I knew he was only looking for excuses.

“I’m glad you like it, y/n. You appreciate it at least” Mr. Han said, gazing over at his son who was halfheartedly stirring in his food, before raising an eyebrow at him.

“I like it too, father” Jumin muttered, pushing around his steak on the plate with his fork.

I softly hit Jumin’s lap underneath the table, telling him to be nice. I knew he was horny and needy after working the entire day, but still, his father just wanted to spend some time with him as well, sure he could wait another hour or two. 

Jumin looked to his side, catching my direct and firm stare on him. He smirked at me at first, seeing just how far he could push it, but then nodded at me.

“Thank you” I mumbled, sending him a tiny smile.

He smiled back at me but something about that smile let me know, he was surely up to something; I just couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Try dipping the lobster into the butter, it really intensifies the flavor” Mr. Han’s new girlfriend said to me with a smile, holding up the jar of melted butter.

I picked up a piece of lobster from my plate and dipped it into the thick, creamy liquid. I took the lobster into my mouth and slowly sucked off the butter biting at the end, nodding at her afterwards.

“That does taste amazing” I agreed, watching her smile grow.

She is actually really nice, I don’t know why Jumin doesn’t like her.

I then caught on to Jumin’s eyes staring at me and how he was barely even breathing. His grey eyes were dark and expanded and his mouth almost gaping wide open, letting me catch a small glimpse of his white teeth. He sharply sucked in some air and his cheeks seemed to flush pink within seconds.

“What?” I asked confused, wrinkling my forehead at him. His intense stare made me shiver, as he bit his bottom lip.

Jumin leaned in without his father noticing, taking a deep breath against my skin. It left my entire body with chills as soon as his hot breath hit the back of my neck.

“I wish you were sucking me like that, right now” he whispered silently against my ear, his lips slightly brushing against my suddenly heated skin.

Jumin’s deep and raspy voice did things to my body that left me with a tickling feeling running down my spine and my skin lingering.

“Jumin!” I hissed, letting my eyes shoot to Mr. Han chatting with his girlfriend across the table. Another playful smug ran across his lips, before he slowly shrugged his shoulders teasingly.

“I’m sure I have something that would taste much better sucking on” he whispered once again.

His filthy words made my mouth dry and my lips began to tremble as I tried forcing down some air. The thought of sucking Jumin’s hard boner and tasting him after so long was making my body wet in all sort of places. I licked my lip, then biting it hard, trying to swallow the whimper slowly raising in my throat from thinking about how big he was and how my lips could do wonders around his tip.

“That’s right my princess, something really hard” he teased me, almost letting his lips touch my ear. I had to swallow the lump in my dry throat, before I was able to take a breath.

He loved this, him having absolute control over my body, torturing me like this. I knew he was punishing me for agreeing to dinner with his father and he was doing it almost too good for me to handle. But then again, Jumin had always had the power to drive me insane just by looking at me, his grey eyes piercing my body with every glance.

I felt the blood rush to my head and my cheeks starting to burn, suddenly I became embarrassed; his father could not notice what was going on, that would kill me completely.

I put down my fork, before letting my fingers slip to Jumin’s jawline, stroking it all the way down to his chin.

Then I turned his head towards the table and once again picked up my fork. I didn’t need to look at Jumin to know just how much he was smirking. Or just how much he enjoyed watching me struggle like this.

Mr. Han asked me a question about my job and slowly my body eased up a bit; it felt like my cheeks were cooling down. Unfortunately, Jumin wasn’t nearly done with his teasing.

Suddenly, I felt Jumin’s long fingers run across my bare thighs underneath the table. His tender touches almost made me choke on the small bite of lobster in my mouth and I coughed heavily. 

“Are you okay y/n?” Mr. Han asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yes I’m fine, excuse me please. I just got a little something in my throat” I said, tiling my head to the side, staring Jumin down.

His eyes were looking at me playfully; sending me the I-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about-look. I rose my eyebrow at him warningly, but he didn’t seem to care about it at all, he just smiled and followed the conversation.

I picked up my glass and took a large sip of wine, hoping the alcohol would ease up my body.

Jumin’s palms, still lingering on my thighs, slowly pushed up my red dress, granting him access for his teasing actions. I tried ignoring him the best I could, knowing his eyes were burning on me, hoping to get some kind of reaction.

Though I was close to bursting inside, I did my best to focus on the news Mr. Han was telling us about the company, but I couldn’t concentrate, as hard as I tried; Jumin was driving me insane.

His hands now ran in between my thighs and though I tried squeezing them hardly together to deny him full access to my spot, he was strong enough to push them apart again easily.

Feeling his cold fingers on my burning skin left me struggling to remain my composure or focus on anything else than Jumin’s fingers mocking me under the table.

His thumb ran further up between my leg and made it to my clit. He started rubbing his thumb lightly against my core on the outside of the silk lace panties I was wearing today.

I bit my lip harshly, suffocating the husky moans wanting to escape my already quivering lips. Oh he was good and he knew it.

I gazed desperately up at Jumin who seemed fully caught up in Mr. Han’s conversation, not even looking at me at all, but from the little almost invisible smug stuck on his lips, I could tell he found this very amusing.

Though, it also seemed to turn on Jumin massively, at least judging from his slightly flushed cheeks and the trembling lips he kept biting into or licking every other second.

Slowly, Jumin pushed my panties aside and one of his long fingers slipped into my wetness. The smile on his lips grew even bigger as I arched my back in frustration and bit roughly into my bottom lip, trying to somehow hold back the whimpers.

Shortly after, without giving me the chance to catch my breath, he added another finger, as his thumb starting rubbing against the top of my clit teasingly to add even more pleasure to his touches. I felt myself getting wetter as the seconds flew by, hoping Mr. Han and his girlfriend wouldn’t notice my strange behaivor.

But my hopes were shattered, as Jumin’s movement inside of me made me drop my fork, forcing the entire table to look over at me. From the corner of my eye, I caught Jumin smirking, his eyes sparkling at my reaction.

I’m going to fucking kill him.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today” I excused myself, stumbling my way through the words being forced out of my mouth.

“Is everything alright, y/n?” Mr. Han asked me, sending me a friendly smile.

“Yes, yes of course. I’m fine, it’s just a little hot in here” I stuttered, watching as Jumin’s annoying smirk grew even wider.

“You do look a little feverish, your cheeks seem to be burning” Mr. Han pointed out worryingly.

“I’m fine, really” I smiled back, taking another sip of the expensive wine.

I gazed up at Jumin, my eyes begging him to stop, but he just shook his head slightly at me.

“Please” I whispered, low enough for only Jumin to hear it.

“Am I driving you crazy?” he asked as he leaned closer, biting his lip.

“Yes Jumin, yes!” I breathed, shutting my eyes tightly.

Suddenly, he pushed another finger inside of me once again, forcing me to swallow a sob. Jumin leaned even closer to me than before and brushed his lips against my burning skin.

“That’s how you made me feel this entire day” he whispered back at me. “This is what you do to me, constantly” his voice gasping out against my ear almost made me lose it completely.

Jumin moved his slender, soft yet very cold fingers in and out of my wet core, rubbing and caressing my inside in small circles while his thumb continued to work wonders against my clit. The wetter I got from his sweet touches, the deeper my body allowed his fingers to slide in, leaving me without any air left in my aching lungs.

Slipping in deeper and deeper with his fingers, he picked up the pace sliding back and forth, harder and faster. Pushing his fingers as deep into my core, twisting around and stretching me out, I struggled to remain in my seat on the chair. As his fingers moved just right and hit the sore spot he knew perfectly well, my back swayed in pleasure and I felt my toes curl to somehow deal with the massive amount of pressure he was putting on me.

My entire body was trembling, silently screaming out for Jumin, craving him with every fiber. My mind kept thinking about how good it would feel to have him inside me and to slowly fill me out completely as he always did it. I couldn’t stop thinking about our bodies moving together, heating up our skin and feeling every inch of each other. Or the way his wet and warm mouth always wandered down my neck and found the spot behind my ear so easily before he sucked roughly on it.

It was the only thing I could think about; my mind was racing with thoughts of the things he could do to me, and I started to regret agreeing to this dinner. How Jumin managed to stay so calm and somehow answer questions once in a while was a mystery to me.

I had to use all the strength I had left in my craving body to not burst out in a fucking moan at the table in front of Chairman Han. Oh lord, in front of the entire restaurant.

I put down my fork once again, letting my shaking hand escape underneath the table. I grabbed around Jumin’s wrist, pulling his fingers out of me, which in second thought might not have been the best idea, because I felt my entire body aching the moment I did it.

Jumin’s fingers were wet, I made them that wet, but to my defense, it was his only fault. He did this to me. Jumin’s fingers wrapped around mine as his thumb brushed lovingly against my knuckles.

“Jumin” I begged, completely out of breath, almost sobbing.

My body couldn’t handle this; it was impossible for me to bare it. Once again, Jumin leaned closer to me.

“You’re so wet y/n, so ready for me to fuck you” his words were mocking me, playing teasingly with my mind.

He interlaced our fingers underneath the table, stroking them gently. Jumin hurried to place a kiss on my forehead, afterwards stroking his nose tip against it. He had given in. Finally.

“I think you’re right father, she seems feverish” Jumin said, catching everyone’s attention.

“You should have told us you weren’t feeling well today” Mr. Han said, sending me a smile.

“I didn’t want to ruin this dinner” I gasped, still not having any control over my craving body.

“Oh sweetheart, it’s fine. Take her home, son. We can discuss this over the phone” Mr. Han said, sending me another smile.

“Yes, please excuse us” Jumin said, as he pulled out my chair and I followed him up from the table.

“Thanks for the invitation though, it was a pleasure to meet you” I managed to stutter.

“No worries y/n, just let Jumin take care of you” Mr. Han smiled, before continuing his conversation with his girlfriend.

Jumin interlaced his cool fingers with mine, leading me slowly out of the restaurant and into his car where Driver Kim was waiting.

“Oh don’t worry father, I’ll take real good care of her” he whispered against my hair, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand tomorrow.

[wellesleyunderground]

WU Reviews: The Problem With Apu by Shelly Anand '08 (@shellypolitik) & Shloka Ananthanarayanan '08 (@shlokes)

(Source)

Hari Kondabolu is a New York-based stand-up comic. He is also of Indian origin and therefore has a long-standing gripe with the character of Apu in The Simpsons. His hour-long documentary, The Problem With Apu, features conversations with South Asian actors, Simpsons writers, and people on the street, some of whom were genuinely flabbergasted that their favorite character on The Simpsons is voiced by a white guy (Hank Azaria, who refused to be a part of this documentary).

‘08 alums Shelly and Shloka are both Indian women living in America but with very different backgrounds. Shelly was born and raised in the American South (what up ATL alums) while Shloka grew up in Bahrain surrounded by Indian immigrants and only moved to New York when she was a teenager, where she went to an international high school. Below are their takes on The Problem with Apu, which are only two of the myriad reactions people across the South Asian diaspora may end up having to this documentary.

Shloka:

I already knew what I was getting into when I started watching this documentary. I’ve seen some of Hari Kondabolu’s stand-up so I was fully aware of the premise. What startled me was his personal story of why he hated Apu so much. Turns out, as a kid growing up in America, apparently people would just yell out “Hey Apu!” or “Thank you come again!” if they saw a brown person? I never experienced that kind of overt racism growing up (also The Simpsons wasn’t particularly big in Bahrain), so while I’ve personally never really cared about that character, this documentary made me much more angry on behalf of all the brown folk who did face discrimination because of Apu.

Shelly:

I am a big fan of Hari and was excited for him to tackle this topic in a documentary; I had seen him first address the problem with Apu on W. Kamau Bell’s show Totally Biased a couple of years ago. I definitely related to what Hari and the other featured South Asian actors and comedians had to say about growing up with the Apu stereotype. I do recall being asked if my parents owned a gas station or a 711. When my father became CEO of a company in his field (electrical engineering), a manager came up to him and said something along the lines of he thought Indian people only worked and/or owned Dunkin Donuts, to which my father responded “I’d be happy to help you find a job there.” (Go Papa!). #radbrowndad

We dealt with a lot of racism living in the South. People were always making fun of my mom’s accent--from her patients (she’s a psychiatrist) to clerks in stores--and she still deals with this racism to this day. My dad felt the pressures of assimilation and actively got rid of his accent by impersonating radio djs. People at times think he is second generation like me because he no longer has an accent and now has lived here for most of his life. The only time it comes out is when he is code switching, sitting with family and friends, in a safe space where he can be his true self. I wish I could say that “The Problem of Apu” was a thing of the past but it has gotten worse in the post-9/11 current Trump world. Even today, I have had people do the Indian head bob or do a fake Indian accent thinking it is funny. Of course, the accent and head bobs are just one of many issues South Asian kids face in the U.S. Having non-Christian religions (Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, Islam, to name a few) made us subject to ridicule and still does to this day. And Indian food and yoga weren’t so cool when we were growing up. Our whole identity and culture was under attack. It still is today, with Islamophobia, continual ignorance over non-Western religions (Sikhs and Hindus being subject to Islamophobia because we’re brown and have turbans), and cultural appropriation of food and religion (ahem, YOGA and that chicken tikka masala bullshit, oh and don’t get me started on “chai tea”). I am excited to see not only more representation of desis on American film and television, but am grateful for folx like Hari that use their platform to address the issues us desi kids faced growing up.

Shloka:

The Problem with Apu addresses a number of problems. First, there’s the idea of how this character even came to be. There are conflicting stories about whether the writer thought that an Indian store owner was a complete stereotype, but had to concede when Hank Azaria came out with the voice and a room full of white guys laughed. Azaria himself didn’t take part in this documentary and continues to do the voice all over the place, despite a half-hearted attempt at acknowledging its racist undertones in an old HuffPo article. Then there’s the problem of representation. People argue that The Simpsons has broad stereotypes of Italians or Scottish people, so why be so fixated on Apu? 

Kondabolu’s rebuttal (of course) is that there are nuanced portrayals of Italians and Scots all over TV and movies. Whereas for the longest time, the only representation of an Indian in American media was this servile store clerk who bought into every stereotype under the sun. Kondabolu proposes a number of ways The Simpsons could redeem themselves - have a brown actor do the voice, add some new South Asian characters who demonstrate other aspects of the diaspora, or just kill off Apu and be done with the whole mess once and for all. Sadly, I doubt any of these will come to pass. When he interviews his own parents, they have a weary sense of resignation - they came to this country and did what they had to do. They think Apu is a terrible portrayal, but to them, they have fought many other battles and this question of media representation pales in comparison to their real journey to buy in to the American dream.

Shelly:

It definitely seemed like the goal of the film was for him to go head to head with Hank Azaria. I don’t know if the problem of Apu can really be resolved with respect to the show. It’s been, what, almost 30 years since the show was started? Does anyone ever watch the Simpsons anymore? The Problem with Apu isn’t the Simpsons itself, but that it started this trend where it was acceptable to mock and ridicule South Asian people for the way they talk and their professions. The film discusses how the Apu caricature made it really really difficult to be an South Asian actor in this country; most of the actors and comedians Hari interviews talk about how they  have been expected to audition for roles (btw Aziz Ansari addresses this issue really well in Season 1 of Master of None). I learned about the term “patanking” for the first time, which is the stereotypical accent, head-bob, caricature South-Asian actors are often asked to portray when offered miniscule roles (like taxi driver, 711 owner etc.)

However, I wish there was more discussion of how the caricature of Apu effects South Asian immigrants like our parents. There are many South Asian immigrants who own and/or work in gas stations and hotels. How does the Problem of Apu impact them? I know here in Georgia, there are a number of South Asians who own gas stations in rural areas and many of their lives have been threatened because of xenophobia. While the actors complain about playing gas station owners and taxi drivers, they don’t complain about the stereotype of the model minority myth, playing doctors, lawyers, tech startup bros, etc. There is an element of classism to all of this. We are fine with the model minority myth (that we are successful immigrants) but not with the prospect of someone assuming that we are working class.

I did appreciate how the documentary placed Apu in the historical context of ridiculing and mocking people of color in the United States specifically with respect to Blackface. Whoopi Goldberg is interviewed and talks blackface in Hollywood at the turn of 20th century. At one point Hari asked Whoopi if Apu could be considered blackface and she confirms that it is. I remember a couple of years ago, Popchips did a commercial with Ashton Kutcher, who literally painted his face brown and did an indian accent. I know when I was growing up, something like that would have been seen as acceptable, but celebrities like Himanshu Suri (of Das Racist and Swet Shop Boys fame) called it out and I believe Popchips ended up pulling the ad. That was really affirming for me.

Shloka:

This documentary is only an hour-long and I can see why. There isn’t really much meat to this story and after a while it does get a bit repetitive and seems to be stating the obvious. But again, I’m a liberal brown person. The people who really ought to be watching this are the ones who never will. I think it would be eye-opening for a lot of people who are oblivious to the challenges minorities face in day-to-day life. While I found myself growing bored of the Apu premise, I loved how many South Asian people from all walks of life were interviewed in this movie, from the former Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, to comedienne, Aparna Nancherla. And this speaks to my ongoing thirst to see more brown people on TV. I don’t watch The Simpsons and I think Apu is a ridiculous character. But as more South Asians emerge on screen in shows like The Mindy Project or Master of None, they are filling a void in the media landscape that I never acknowledged before. 

While I’ve never been openly discriminated against, I’ve had moments when people made assumptions about me because I was brown or were shocked that my “English is so good.” Sometimes their assumptions are right, but sometimes they’re wrong, and it is frustrating as a minority to not be given the privilege to be my own person instead of immediately being put in a box. When I talk to a white person, I treat them like an individual being and don’t categorize them right off the bat, because I have seen thousands of different representations of white people in the movies and TV. But when a white person is talking to me, are they immediately thinking I might be like Apu and I have to convince them otherwise? What a terrifying prospect.

Shelly:

It was definitely repetitive and it also focused on just one small facet of the myriad of issues South Asians and South Asian Americans face with respect to discrimination in this country. Not only are our [assumed] accents ridiculed, but our lives are threatened because of religion [either real or perceived] and because we are from non-European immigrant community. I can’t tell you the number of times my mother has heard “go back to your country.” Hell, I was called a “foreign dyke bitch” in North Carolina in a grocery store parking lot (what a trifecta!). The mockery of the accent is indicative of a larger theme that many of us in the immigrant community face: you don’t belong here. I wish that was addressed a bit more. We also have our own dirty laundry in the community-- shadeism and anti-black racism. Not that we need to do a documentary airing our dirty laundry but identity is a complicated beast (not to mention others like caste, Islamophobia from non-Muslim South Asians etc.).

Overall, I am happy the film exists and happy that the caricature of desi folx has been placed in the context of other discriminatory caricatures like black face -- I think that link is critical to helping the desi community build foundations of solidarity with the black community and other communities of color in the U.S. I see Hari’s film as the tip of the iceberg and I’m excited to see more.

[nerdismyhobby]

Personal Post (Fine Cool Whatever)

I talk A LOT about my life and general updates and kinda how i’m feeling under the read more. 

Life is just.... I feel like it’s so confusing and stressful and weird and just fucked in general. 

I asked a girl on a date for Friday night. She responded saying no cause she wasn’t interested in dating. And I can totally respect that, we can still be friends and all that jazz. I mean yeah it stings a bit but it’s good. Fine cool whatever. 

As stated in a previous post, I worked my two jobs, and in the past like 30 hours I’ve worked almost 20 of them. I knew i would have stretches like this but it’s just tough and I’m tired as hell but you know, Fine cool whatever. 

At my other job tonight, one of my favorite coworkers got kinda sick and started feeling like shit and I felt partially responsible for it which is another story for another time and I’m just worried about him. But he seems to be ok for now. Fine cool whatever, I hope he feels better. 

Today, my grandma moved into assisted living, and my mom (along with her sister/my aunt) helped her move, which I know probably stressed the hell out of my mom since she was planning the damn thing. And my mom has been so stressed lately and I feel so bad for her and I’m wanting/trying to help her but I don’t entirely know how I can. Shit’s starting to get slightly fucked. 

And then my dad texted my brother and I that they had to take my grandpa to the hospital since he almost passed out at a baseball game. And they have to keep him overnight and it’s now about 1 AM and they’re still not home yet. Shit’s fucked. 

I just feel like my entire family is being stretched so thin and just running around and making ourselves so tired and exhausting ourselves. I’m working two jobs, my mom is taking care of her mom, my dad’s dad just went into the hospital, and my brother is working all the time at opera (which is my second job). 

And I feel bad complaining cause I know other families have troubles and other people’s problems are bigger and more cause for concern as compared to mine. I just feel like I’ve been holding it all in for too long and I’m just.... 

I’m trying to plan a move halfway across the county. I already have people making me feel guilty which hurts cause I’m just trying to do what’s best for me. I don’t care if they’re joking, which I assume they mostly are, cause I already feel bad for leaving them. But I gotta look out for me too. And now with all the family stuff and all my friends still being around here and the fact my job at the bank is decent, I can feel myself considering staying. Like it’d be so easy. I could get a full time job at the bank and move out and live in town on my own somewhere and try to do theater on the side to supplement my income. But I’m not doing that now. I barely have. Home is making me complacent and I know I have to leave or else I feel like I will not really be making progress. Like it’d just be moving side to side, and not forward. I want to move forward. I need to get out to try and move on with my life and not get stuck in the midwest. I know I’m leaving a lot, but I talked with a friend recently who said they kinda felt they couldn’t leave their house and that they felt “anchored” here. And I feel exactly the same way and I don’t want to. I will cry myself to sleep in a better city rather than fake a smile in my hometown (dibs on those as lyrics btw). 

And now it’s the inevitable part where I talk about my love life and how much i really wanna date someone but it’s probably not a good idea/not fair to the other person since I’ll be leaving in August, but at the same time, if I feel like I can be happy with another person, and they’re happy being with me, I will not deprive myself of that month of happiness just cause I’m leaving. And I feel like I’m one of those people who constantly needs someone to have a crush on and like someone and be interested in them romantically and I’m not sure if I have anyone? Like I think I like someone, or maybe a few people, in that way to varying degrees and am interested in them romantically but I don’t know how they feel about me. And I’m scared to ask cause I don’t wanna ruin things or make them awkward. I’m just questioning a lot and I just want to go on at least one date before I leave but I don’t know if I have anyone to go on a date with. And I got rejected again and I said it was ok but it still stings and I just feel kinda lost in that way. I know I should be focused on myself and getting better and moving out but I’m approaching my mid 20s, I’m 24 right now and I haven’t had a serious relationship in over a year, I haven’t had a date in over a year, fuck I haven’t even kissed anyone in over a year and I’m just missing it all and I just feel stupid cause I have bigger problems than not having a hand to hold. Why should I fucking care? Why do I keep thinking about the fact that my dad was my age when he met my mom and they got married soon after and I feel like I’m nowhere close to that? Why do I keep worrying that I’m stunting my emotional growth constantly? Why do I even fucking care? Should I? 

I just feel like.... Like for everything I’m going through and all the family shit and personal shit, I don’t feel much of anything. Like I’m not feeling as bad or depressed as I should. And it’s making me wonder..... 

Is not feeling anything considered going in the right direction? 

Is feeling less considered progress? 

Am I even ok? 

Like.... I want to think I’m ok. I hope I’m ok. I think I’m trying to convince myself that I’m just tired and that’s my current reason for my melancholy and general lack of feeling. I hope that’s it. But I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been so constantly on edge and had so much going on that I’m just exhausted both mentally and physically and even emotionally to the point where my default is just nothing. And there are moments where I do feel genuine happiness and feel like I’m having fun around very certain people who I may or may not have crushes on and I very very much enjoy being friends with and talking to. And it’s nice to feel something at those points but at the end of the day, I’m just feeling kinda nothing. And I don’t want to. 

I have no clue how to end this. I’m tired. 

If you’re still here, thanks for reading.