#that came out way more creepy than i meant for it to!! LOL

[the-blind-geisha]

If you want… (´･ω･`) could I make a request, and it’s no problem if you don’t want to!

Where a Human-Player!MC was playing the game one day & either as a friend or a special event was able to somehow run into Demiurge, Ulbert somehow took him to a special game event that allowed NPCs. Which somehow leads to Demi getting a crush on them and he somehow gets them stuck in the game permanently to be with him…?

A/N: Sorry this took an eternity for me to get to! I'd be happy to do that! ♥

The NPCs were very rarely ever allowed to journey with their Creators outside of Nazarick or being summoned into dungeons and raids. But once Yggdrasil introduced a new event that would even place NPCs for quests at heteromorphic and humanoid areas for a celebration, the guilds realized their own self-created NPCs could join as well.

There were very few events that allowed a cease fire between both sides, but this was one of those events.

It happened twice a year, and that was it.

Regardless... even as an NPC, Demiurge remembered her.

She was a human, but she was the one human in that world that he could recall ever flattering him and his Creator. In the past, he would have preferred to destroy any and everybody that didn't align with Nazarick, but she was spared his aggressive gaze.

“Oh, I guess your Creator isn't here today, is he, Demiurge?”

He couldn't answer back then. He was just code running with limited abilities in which he could say or do anything. Even his 'speech' was limited to hurt and triumphant noises. With her standing close to him, he merely shifted his head from side to side to show the code HeroHero implemented inside of him.

Walking up to him, she used the /embrace emote to hug his character. The devil responded in kind, as most NPCs could react to a few simple emotes players did around them.

“I won this, by the way.” She dug into her inventory to pull out a flame lily. It was a beautiful flower with petals that reached upwards like a roaring flame, a dazzling yellow and red with orange at the center. “I thought you might like it.”

With the trade offered, the NPC went through the actions it was allowed to do in accepting the trade with someone that was deemed a friend under his list.

“There you go. Maybe now you can feel a bit better, huh?”

With such an item bequeathed to him, Demiurge placed his hand on his chest and bowed.

She gave a funny look. “Huh.. didn't know you could do that without someone telling you to or someone bowing in return...?”

When she said such a thing, the generated NPC's mind began to race.

I did, didn't I...?

¿I ʇ,upᴉp 'pᴉp I

“Well, I better get going,” she insisted.

Using the /blowkiss emote, she watched as Demiurge responded by acting bashful. Though the reaction felt delayed almost... Maybe it was just her imagination. Could be lag.

“Bye! I'll see you next year!”

The eyes opened, crystals glistening off of the light about him. He looked to his hands and turned them over to look at his palms.

For once, the devil was able to move his hands without someone making an action command on his behalf. There was something that was ordering him to go back to being rigid, following a code that remained embedded in his core being. But he did everything to fight that.

I can't let this cease... I have to do something... Demiurge thought frantically, reaching back into his inventory to pull out the flame lily to clip it upon his chest.

Sadly, he was snapped back to an idle pose he was often forced within.

It would take some doing to fight this invisible string that had a hold on him. But no matter what, he would do it. He would see himself freed of whatever was controlling him without even his Creator being nearby.

As the years of the celebration continued, fewer and fewer people arrived to attend. The joys of the gaming world were slowly starting to dwindle till merely NPCs roamed the gaming world with a few player characters.

But that didn't stop the archdevil from attending.

Demiurge waited as he usually did, but this time, he was alone. None of the guild members of Ainz Ooal Gown was there to stand at his side.

Admittedly, he was anxious. What if she wouldn't come? He had sent an email to her, addressing it cryptically. Who would truly come into a video game world if an NPC sent you mail? After all his time of fiddling with the game world data, he knew she would think it a bot or someone trying to trick her.

He had to be vague, but write to her as though he were human.

“So few people here but they said to meet them...!” Her words trailed off when she noticed the only one at Muspelheim's gathering point for the festival. “D-Demiurge...? How in the world did you get here by yourself?!”

She came closer, keeping a curious eye about. She didn't wish to feel tricked by this.

Demiurge didn't have the voice box to speak properly. Instead he used an emote of /hi for greeting before sending a text for her to read.

𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝑔𝓁𝒶𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒. 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉. 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒… 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝒹𝑒 𝒶 𝒷𝒾𝓉 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒, 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒹𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉.

“Who is writing this? It can't be you...” Her words trailed off, feeling a ping of uncertainty. “...can it?”

Demiurge opened the text box once more to type yet again.

𝐼𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑒, 𝒟𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓊𝓇𝑔𝑒. 𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝓃𝑒... 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓁𝓎. 𝒲𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝑒?

This was getting a bit creepy. Never would she have imagined an NPC would become... real. There was always talks of 'ghosts in the machine' that could go rogue. Was this one of those moments?

Before she could even hope to log out, something seemed to prevent her from doing so.

“What is happening...? How come the logout button is grayed out?”

Demiurge gave a curious frown of concern.

𝒪𝒽, 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓃'𝓉? 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝒹𝒹. 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝒟𝑀 𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒?

“Oh, umm, that would be very nice of you.” It actually was, maybe she was overthinking it a bit. Maybe being alone for so long, she mistook his words as being weird. Just cool it, she thought to herself. He never was mean to you before. He was always very nice as an NPC.

Before she could even wait for a response, the screen went black. The connection to the game felt like it flat-lined.

Demiurge walked over towards her body, arms behind his back. Opening his mouth, he tried to form words for a moment.

“Mm.. the...re... There...” He knelt down, resting his hand on her back. “It's you and me now, my dear. Now we can be together in this world of paradise... forever.”

[joelsmochi]

honeypie - joel miller

summary: part 2 to honey (can be read as a standalone, doesn’t have much to do with the original plot!) warnings: not proofread, 18+, slight angst?, age gap (everyone is legal!!!!!), bickering/arguing, double date trope womp womp, degradation, dubcon, creampie, joel is a smidge misogynistic insecure and possessive wc: 2.6k a/n: this is mainly just some self indulgent yet rushed storytelling (so sorry, i wrote it in an hour because i was bored at work lol)! i wanna write a part 3 and actually include the beekeeping a little more but i have nooo idea how i’m gonna do it but we WILL get there one day babes!!! until then, enjoy this fluffy angsty sex 😽!!!💓

-

“If you guys are gonna bang when I’m in the house the least you could do is be quiet!” You heard Sarah shout from the other side of Joel’s bedroom door after banging on it.

Joel grimaced, his body tensing beneath you but you were almost oblivious to the complaints of your best friend. Almost.

You didn’t let up on your movements or noises whatsoever and as much as Joel loved those sweet little moans spewing from you as you humped against him, he loved his privacy much more especially when it came to his daughter.

You shook your head profusely when he attempted to get you to stop, insisting on how you were almost there.

“Soclosesoclosesoclose—just w-wait, I’m cu—fuck. Ahh, fuck, I’m cumming. Oh yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Ohh—oh, my God—“

Joel covered your mouth with a clammy hand, feeling torn from his mixed feelings of lust and embarrassment.

Going downstairs didn’t help him feel any better either, especially when Sarah began berating you both, not that he blamed her for it.

“Call it payback for all the times I let you and your boyfriend have sex in my bed,” you retorted.

“In your bed?!” Joel mumbled to himself.

“Yeah yeah, could have at least waited until I was gone,” Sarah muttered.

“Sorry, Sar,” you hummed, “your dad is just really hot.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Come on, man.”

“I didn’t even know you were home,” Joel complained. “You’ve been with Jared or whatever his name is all week.”

Sarah’s squinted her eyes, annoyed by the lack of care from her father. “Alex. His name is Alex dad—see, I hate this!”

“Oh, by the way, Sarah,” you said, pattering behind the kitchen counter, “wouldn’t use the open jar of honey if I were you.”

“UGH! EW! Fucking ew!”

♡

“Other than the obvious,” Sarah mumbled, “how’s my dad taking care of you?”

You wore a bright smile and looked away from your reflection momentarily. Joel was… Joel. Rough around the edges but he was a genuine person, confident in the external reality but a little insecure. Not unbearably insecure though, just enough to make you know he was trying his best.

He wasn’t the most romantic but you figured it was just from him being out of the game for so long and you knew you could train him to be more romantic if it was needed.

He didn’t push you aside or make attempts to subtly suggest you needed to leave after sex either; he’d pout real big and give you those gorgeous puppy dog eyes until you held him. He loved making you laugh.

But it definitely still felt like just sex rather than a relationship. You weren’t particularly complaining, but you weren’t bragging about it either.

“Good,” you answered.

Sarah could tell from your tone how honest it was. Good meant great, happy, damn near perfect.

“Good. I’m glad,” she said. “I was worried he’d be like one of those incels that get real creepy and pervy after thirty-five.”

“No, no, he’s great,” you reiterated. “He’s very funny. Smart. He asks me to tan in my bikini while he’s working on the hive or the yard.”

You watched from the corner of your makeup coated eye how tightly she grimaced.

“Images. In head. Don’t want them there,” she dramatized.

“I have to hear every last detail about you and Al up to where he’s shoving your cervix into your stomach. You can deal with a little sexiness from us,” you said.

“It’s just so weird,” she whined.

“Do you want me to stop seeing him?” You asked.

You had slowly began to worry about how this would affect your best friend over time, you knew it was a weird situation. You had no issue cutting Joel off if it meant Sarah got to be happy. There were other men in the world, there weren’t other Sarah’s.

“No, God! No. It’s just not as simple as I was expecting. You know?” She explained kindly.

“Totally! I’d be weirded out if you were hooking up with my dad while I was across the hall. I’m not blaming you there, or anywhere for that matter. Just know you come first.”

“Well, yeah, who else is going to wax your back hair and not judge you for it?” She teased.

You rolled your eyes at her.

“Lots of men with weird fetishes.”

♡

“Can’t believe I agreed to this,” Joel huffed.

He adjusted the waistband of his jeans making his shoulder briefly flare. You let your mind wander while Joel complained about the double date you had arranged with Sarah and Alex. You were currently waiting in the parking lot for them to arrive.

“It’ll be fun. You’ll get to meet Alex and see he is a respectable man and you and I get to pretend we’re a couple for a few hours.”

“Pretend?” Joel questioned. “W-what do you mean pretend? Are we not together?”

“Uh, no?” You said.

Joel didn’t appreciate your amused reaction and questioned you a little more.

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend— you haven’t even taken me on a date,” you explained. “Did you really think that conversation wasn’t necessary?”

“So if we’re not together then what is this?”

You sucked your teeth before simply saying, “Sex.”

Once the four of you were inside Sarah and her boyfriend felt the tension between the two of you.

You watched Joel punch in all of your names into the keypad before pressing ‘start game’.

“So Alex, what do you do for work?” Joel asked.

“Oh, well right now I’m working at a café downtown, but I’m majoring in political science to become a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?” Joel sounded impressed.

“Lawyers are great at communicating,” you antagonized. “They know what questions are… Important to ask.”

Joel rolled his eyes and motioned between you and the bowling balls. “Just go. Good God.”

“Dad, what did you do?” Sarah asked.

“Why do you assume it’s my fault?” He defended.

“Girl, what did he do?” She asked you.

Shrugging, you said, “I don’t know. Since Joel thinks he’s so great at communicating, maybe he should answer. I’m gonna go bowl.”

“Hope you gutter!” Joel shouted after you walked away. “She told me I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“You thought she was your girlfriend?!” Sarah said with wide eyes.

“Well… Yeah? Do I really need to verbally ask her that?”

“That’s why I got a strike, bitch,” you said while slapping the back of Joel’s head.

Sarah and Alex awkwardly stood up so that he could pretend to teach Sarah how to bowl properly. But the bickering between you and Joel didn’t end there.

“I thought it was obvious,” Joel told you. “I have you over all the time. We fuck. We laugh. Did I really need to ask?”

“So what would have happened if I pissed you off and you were to say ‘it’s not like you’re my girlfriend’?”

“I do not sound like that!” Joel scoffed. “And I would never do that to you, you know that. I just kinda figured you were mine, you know?”

You squinted at his unearned possession over you, feigning offense and scoffing obnoxiously.

“Yours? I’m not your property, Joel. You don’t get to claim me.”

“Oh yeah? And what are you goin’ to do about it? Fuck some other loser?”

You grinned, and immediately he regretted his words.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do,” you whispered.

Alex and Sarah sat back down and you asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink before walking away to go to the bar.

“Hi, what can I get for ya?” The boy at the counter asked.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen, why?”

“You see the older man on lane twelve?”

He looked and then nodded.

“Well, I wanna make jealous so if you could just smile and pretend to flirt with me I’ll give you ten bucks,” you explained with a sly smirk.

“Fifteen,” he negotiated.

“Ugh, fine. Can I get two lemonades, a beer, and a water please?”

“That’s not coming out of my tip, is it?” He questioned whilst punching the order into his screen.

“It will if you don’t start looking at my boobs,” you said through your faux smile.

You leaned onto the counter and gave the employee a clear view of your cleavage, which he seemed to appreciate very much.

But Joel wasn’t only focused on the teenage boy behind the counter, he noticed the numerous men gawking at your short shorts that showed off too much of your ass with you bent over the counter the way you were.

“Dad,” Sarah’s voice brought him back to reality. “Your turn.”

By the time Joel managed to spare you had returned with everyone’s drinks and Joel didn’t give you the satisfying reaction of jealousy like you’d hoped.

Wondering if you went too far, you drank a bit of Joel’s beer to imprint a lip gloss stain for Joel to taste in between sips. Something you noticed he loved to do over the past few weeks whenever he made you coffee or tea. You never finished your drinks and Joel always lined his mouth up with your lip print to taste you every chance he got.

And as you gave him the cheap plastic cup that held his beer, you watched as he habitually sipped right where your lips had been. Occasionally licking the rim of the cup before taking his next swig.

A couple of games later, you and Sarah managed to team up against the boys and kick their asses each and every frame. They sulked while you two gloated from the ending of the final game all the way back to the cars.

“Okay, okay. We get it, girls rule, boys lose,” Alex said.

“It’s boys drool,” Sarah corrected before turning to hug her father who placed a kiss on her forehead. “Night, dad. I’m gonna stay at Alex’s.”

“Okay, babygirl. Call me tomorrow.”

“Oh, and word of advice,” Sarah whispered after you got into Joel’s car. “Girls like what boys consider pointless communication. Take her out a few times, make her feel special, and ask her to be your girlfriend. She really likes you, she’s just making you earn it.”

Joel softly smiled and nodded. “Mmkay. Thanks.”

Once he got in the car he didn’t acknowledge you in the least bit, finally free to punish you for letting those men get a free show.

“Not a word?” You nudged his arm as he drove. “You could ask me now.”

He snickered, the most noise he’s made in the last ten minutes.

“You don’t get to just fucking claim me, Joel!”

Joel sped up before pulling into a rest area.

“Come’ere,” he hoarsely demanded.

He unclipped his seatbelt and began undoing his belt and jeans.

“Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now, girl. Come on.”

You hesitated but unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into his lap; he moved his seat all the way back and pushed his jeans low enough for his cock to spring up and slap his belly.

Instinctively you reached for it, but he removed your hand from his hardening length and held your wrists tightly behind your back with one hand. Using his other hand to grab your face by your cheeks he forced you to look into his cold eyes.

“Do you not want to be with me?” His voice strained as he asked that, a hint of hurt glaring in his dark eyes.

“Of course I want to be with you,” you answered.

“I don’t play games,” he said, gripping your wrists even tighter. “Don’t fucking—“ A soft smack landed upon your cheek. “Don’t fucking do what you did tonight ever again. Get on your knees.”

He slightly shoved you back as he loosened his grip on your hands and face; you submissively sank to the rough carpeted floor of the car and he wasted no time pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail and shoving his fat dick into your wet mouth.

He tasted so fucking good, the mix of his clean flesh and salty precum like honey dripping onto your tongue. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned along his shaft as you eagerly bobbed your already hazy head up and down.

Joel’s hips rolled up in pleasure, gurgling out helpless moans as your nose rubbed the wiry hairs along the base of his shaft. Despite the aching and soreness, you loved having your throat full of Joel.

You took initiative and pushed against his hand, nonverbally telling him to make you suffer, and he shamelessly did so.

He couldn’t tell if the slick that was coating his balls was your spit or tears and he didn’t give a fuck. If you were going to show some loser teenager your tits and some loser bachelors your ass the least you could give him was some fucking remorse, right?

Joel felt powerful, in charge in ways he never experienced before. Your flooded eyes looked into his and saw how contorted his face was, so even if he was the one telling you what to do you knew you had him wrapped around your finger.

“Give me that fuckin’ throat, baby,” he moaned. “Oh, fuck! That throat is so fucking tight—mnh. God…damn baby. Feels so fucking good.”

He smacked your wet cheeks as encouragement before slowly pulling you off of his dick; you coughed at the gust of oxygen that flooded your lungs, giggling as he smacked his fat tip against your puffy mouth.

“Look at you, baby,” he whispered. “So pretty when my cock shuts that smart fuckin’ mouth a’yours up.”

“You love my fucking mouth,” you smugly said as you climbed into his lap.

“I do, but I think you forget what it’s supposed to be used for,” he whispered.

“You can stuff my mouth all you want, I’m still gonna give you a reason to use it.”

An eyebrow of his cocked up and a grin spread across his face at your confidence.

“Take your pants off,” he instructed seductively. His rough hands ran up your arms and back while you did what he said. “There you go,” he moaned when you slid down on his wet cock. “You’re such a good fucking slut for me, honey.”

“Just—just ask me, and I’ll s-say yes!” You shakily moaned as you relentlessly bounced on his dick.

Joel gripped your neck and began fucking into you from below, pushing deeper than he needed to, definitely bruising your cervix.

“You know you belong to me. All that fucking shit about claiming you and how I don’t own you, fuck was that?”

“Joe—elll, ugh!” You screamed into his chest, not sure if you were cumming or if your cunt was just overwhelmed with sensitivity. “Just ask, just ask baby I promise I’ll be good I’ll never misbehave again.”

He popped your ass and chuckled cruelly when you flinched and moaned. “Be my girlfriend, babydoll. Hmm? I want you to be my girl. You’re already my slut. Will you be my girl, babydoll?”

Your eyes gawked up at him and you couldn’t suppress the smile that tugged against your lips.

“Yes! Yes, yes, baby! Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

“Say it,” he begged. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours Joel! Fuckfuckyes I’m yours! I belong to you! I fucking belong to you!”

Joel felt the familiar deep stretch in the peak of his belly at your cries. He listened to you submit to him, let him claim you as his, ultimately marking his territory as he began to cum inside of your warm cunt.

“Thaaaat’s my good girl,” Joel growled as he fucked the last of his spend into you.

“Fuck,” you exhaled, climbing off of him. “You’re such an ass.”

He chuckled at this, the softness in his laughter coaxing a giggle from you.

“You love me,” he mumbled.

“Mmm, not quite,” you said as confidently as your tired body would allow.

“Oh, honeypie… You’ll get there soon enough.”

[blackcoffeeofmelancholy]

leviathan x reader

about: you're scared and need some company.

warnings: suggestive

words: 2478

notes: I came up with the idea one night because I scared myself watching creepy videos lol. It was meant to be short and sweet, but it got out of hand toward the end. I enjoyed writing it and feel accomplished!

As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors that may have gone unnoticed. Thank you to those who take the time to read and comment on my work; it’s greatly appreciated ♥

The silence is unsettling, hanging heavy in the air. You stare at the ceiling, the shadows gathering in the corners of your room. Pulling the blankets over your eyes to chase away the chills running down your spine, you take a deep breath, the frantic beat of your heart pounding in your ears. The House of Lamentation is eerily quiet, and although there are nights you may welcome the hush that’s fallen over the place, right now you miss the brothers’ voices echoing down the hall as they banter back and forth with one another.

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since you laid down, unable to get comfortable, your skin prickling with unease as you toss and turn, the sheets tangling around your body. This is the Devildom, and you live with demons—the seven lords of Hell themselves—yet you’re terrified. You hope to hear Beelzebub rummaging through the fridge looking for a midnight snack, or Lucifer making his rounds before he retires for the night, but the silence is persistent. There is at least one demon awake at this hour, and you imagine he’s glued to his computer screen or binge-watching the latest anime, oblivious to the minutes as they continue to tick by.

You need to see him.

Slipping out of bed, you muster up the courage to venture out into the hall, shivering in the darkness that envelops you. The light of your D.D.D. penetrates the shadows lurking on the outskirts of your vision, guiding your way as you run up the stairs; you don’t realize you’re holding your breath until you reach his door. Light bleeds through the cracks, a familiar shade of blue that is both inviting and reassuring, reminding you that you are welcome, you are okay, you belong. When did this room become your safe haven? It’s not the room, but the demon inside it, you muse, smiling to yourself.

Nervously bouncing from one foot to the other, you knock.

There’s no answer, and at that exact moment, your D.D.D. dies, enveloping you in darkness once more. Your eyes flicker down the hall, which stretches into the shadows gathering at the opposite end, the paintings on the wall seeming to shift in their frames. Goosebumps rise along your arms and the back of your neck, and your heart drops into your stomach. Again, you knock, rapping against the door with more urgency, and—again—there’s no answer. Your hands tremble as they fumble with the doorknob, and you throw the door open without a second thought, scampering inside.

The door slams shut behind you, and Leviathan screams when he catches sight of you skulking across the room. He yanks his earphones off his head, jumping out of his chair. “W-What’re you doing?!” he yells, shutting down his computer with force.

“Sorry!” You meet his gaze, his orange eyes glowing in the dim light of his room, their slit pupils expanding as they lock on you. Despite the distance between you, you clearly see his flushed face and the way his throat bobs when he swallows, the tip of his forked tongue poking out between his lips. Glancing at the computer behind him, he stiffens, stepping forward. It’s your turn to feel embarrassed, your cheeks burn, and your mouth goes dry. “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”

He groans, shaking his head as he glares in your direction. There is no heat behind his expression, and he growls in frustration when you give him an apologetic smile, his blush deepening, and the corners of his mouth twitching upward ever so slightly. “What are you doing here?” His tone is harsher than intended, and he quickly backtracks; the subtle shift of his face, betraying his concern, does not go unnoticed by you. “Uh, I-I mean . . . it’s late and we have class tomorrow. Shouldn’t a normie like you be in bed?”

“I can’t sleep,” you admit, rocking from side to side out of nervous habit.

“And you came here?!”

You nod, and he reflexively hides behind his hand, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I should have asked, but I really need my Lord of Shadow right now.”

“Whoa, t-that’s too cute! My heart feels like it’s about to burst. G-G-Give me a minute . . .” Resting a hand over his heart, he breathes in and then out, his fangs worrying at his bottom lip. His anxious excitement is infectious, your own heart fluttering in your chest.

“O-Okay, come here.” He squares his shoulders, opening his arms to you, and you relax into his embrace, his gentle touch a balm to your weary soul. He tenses beneath you, gasping into your hair, his hands shaking, yet he pulls you closer. “W-What’s up?”

“It’s stupid.” You bury your face against his chest, listening to his heart, how it speeds up and skips a beat when you wrap your arms around him in return. “Promise not to laugh.”

“I promise,” he says the second the words leave your lips, hugging you tighter.

“I’m scared,” you admit, your voice muffled by his shirt. “. . . because of the game.”

“The game?!” He leans back to look you in the eyes, his brow knit in confusion. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

The small frown on his face, and the way he stares down at you with a mixture of guilt and shame tugs at your heartstrings. “It’s not your fault,” you reassure him, knowing the path his mind is taking him down. “You were so excited, and I wanted to spend time with you.”

“Y-You wanted to spend time with me that badly?!”

“I always want to spend time with you, Levi.” Leviathan insisted you meet him in his room immediately after class, and, of course, you couldn’t refuse. He told you all about the game upon its arrival that afternoon, sending a video of the unboxing during your lunch break. Even through the screen of your D.D.D. his enthusiasm proved contagious, and you smile at the memory. “I love how passionate you are about the things you enjoy. Seeing you happy makes me happy, so I’d say it was well worth it in the end. It also gives me an excuse to hug you.”  

“Grr . . . Y-You . . . T-That’s . . .”

Your smile grows, your heart swelling with love for your shy, anxious otaku. “It’s not a big deal. I just don’t want to be alone right now, and I always feel better when I’m with you,” you murmur, your nerves almost getting the best of you as well.

A low growl reverberates through his chest, and you squeal as he squeezes you, holding you so tightly and so close his breath ghosts across your skin, the scent of the sea flooding your senses. The orange and purple hues of his eyes look even more vibrant, seamlessly fading into one another. It’s no different from looking into the blinding light of the sunset, both beautiful and comforting, leaving you awestruck; unspoken affections glimmer in their depths like stars on the horizon.

“Now it’s your turn to promise me one thing,” he whispers, the intensity of his gaze stealing the breath from your lungs. “Next time . . .” He sighs, his fingers brushing along your cheek. “Next time, tell me. I-I want to spend time with you too, and I have plenty of other games we can play or anime we can watch. Y-Y-You mean more to me than any game . . .”

There’s no warning, not for you, nor for him. You kiss him, your body reacting before your mind catches up to you; the tenderness of your lips pressed to his feels right. Leviathan whines into your mouth, the heat emanating from his cheeks warming your face. Cradling the back of your head, he kisses you with equal fervor, his shyness giving way to a longing neither of you can deny. The world fades, and all you know is each other, reveling in the love that blossoms between you, sweet and true.

“Y-You don’t need an excuse to hug me, you know,” he mutters when you break apart. “Or to k-k-k-kiss me, but a little warning would be nice.”

He pants into your ear while you rub his back, easing the tension from his muscles. Sometimes you can’t believe this is the same demon you met when you first arrived in the Devildom, the overly critical and difficult to please Avatar of Envy. A stark contrast to the shy but earnest demon who stands before you, melting into your arms with a whimper as he nuzzles your neck.

“Neither of us is going to get any sleep at this rate,” he huffs. However, his eyes wander to your still parted lips, shining with determination and mirroring the hunger in your own. He leans into you, his tongue gliding over his bottom lip. You can tell he is wading through the murky waters that flood his mind—a lifetime of doubt and fear, and the weight of his sin—to show the love he holds for you in his heart without restraint or remorse. The first kiss is but a whisper against your lips, tickling your skin, while the next is not as tentative and more exploratory, your contented sigh emboldening him further.

Hooking an arm under your legs, he lifts you off the floor into his embrace. His lips meet yours in a heated kiss, softening your startled gasp, and setting a kaleidoscope of butterflies loose in your stomach, each flutter of their wings making you tremble with emotion. How easy it is to forget he once served as a general in the Celestial army and is the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy when he regards you with a bashful smile and his face goes red before your hands touch. You feel the strength in those same hands that now hold you to his chest and in the way he restrains himself from devouring you in your entirety, the air crackling with the intensity of his desires.

You’re breathless by the time he pulls away, his eyes wide as he takes in your blissful expression and kiss swollen lips. He whimpers, fingers twitching where they dig into your skin, and hides his face in the hollow of your neck, pressing featherlight kisses to your collarbone.

“A-Are you still, um, scared?” he stammers, peeking up at you. He looks so innocent, blushing from his ears down to his cheeks and the tip of his nose.

You shake your head, your heart racing for an entirely different reason now. “Can I stay with you?”

“Uh, s-stay here with me? I guess you can i-if you want to.”

Guilt gnaws at you. He seemed engrossed in his computer when you barged into his room unannounced, giving him the fright of his life. While you don’t want to leave him, you understand if he says no. “Are you sure? If you’re busy I—”

“No! I want you to stay. Please, stay,” he begs, silencing you with a quick kiss. “I meant what I said earlier, you know.”

“I know.” Smiling, you cup his face in your hands, and pepper it with small, appreciative kisses, his skin hot beneath your lips; the squeak that leaves his mouth is adorable.

He fumbles, nearly dropping you in surprise, and you wrap your arms around his shoulders with a chuckle. “Didn’t you swear to never pick up anything heavier than a controller?”

“I-I decided to make an exception tonight!” He strides over to his tub on uneasy legs, laying you down among the pillows and blankets with the utmost care. Settling behind you, his heart thuds in his chest, loud enough for you to hear, and strong enough for you to feel. His breath tickles you as he buries his face against your shoulder, humming in contentment.

“I love you,” he whispers with unrestrained yearning.

Heat rushes to your face, your breath hitching in your throat. “I love you too.”

“D-Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” He trails kisses from your shoulder to your neck, his fangs grazing over your pulse. His hands sneak under your shirt as he pulls you closer, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I won’t let my Henry down.”

You inhale sharply at the sensation of his cold hands on your stomach, his fingers tracing the dips and curves of your body. If only he saw himself the way you do—kind, loving, and passionate—deserving of all you give him and more. You cherish these moments, where he allows himself to be open and vulnerable, placing his trust in you and showing you the depths of his affections, the walls he built around himself over centuries upon centuries crumbling within his room. There is no one else who fills you with such joy and peace, everything falling into place when he takes you into his arms, your worries vanishing the second you look into his eyes. You’re too focused on the flush of his cheeks and the way it creeps down his neck and across his chest; the sweat glistening on his skin, and the taste of his tears; the way his scales catch the light of the aquarium and his horns crest when he loses himself completely.

You have no regrets.

Leviathan loses track of time, his heart racing long after you enter his room and drift off to sleep in his arms, the familiar weight of your body atop his own warm and comforting. He can’t help but stare, mesmerized by your peaceful expression and the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest, captivated by the melody your heart weaves with each measured beat. Every day you’re together feels like the first; you’re the answer to his prayers, your touch a blessing, and your love his sanctuary. You are his everything, and he is awed by the fact you sleep in his embrace and find solace in his company.

If he died right here, right now, he would die the happiest demon in all three realms.

He strokes your back, placing a tender kiss on your head. You stir beneath his touch, moving closer to him, and he smiles. He never imagined a day when he fell in love with someone who wasn’t 2D, someone he could feel, finally understanding the intimacy of skin on skin, and the heat that rises between your bodies; he had no need until he met you. His love for you is deeper than the ocean itself—calming and beautiful, but also tumultuous and all-consuming. No video game or anime, not even Ruri-chan or the idols he admires can outshine you. He hopes you understand how much you mean to him and that he can be the demon you depend on most.

[just-another-author-i-guess]

A little collection of fun things Judd does

Tags: fem! Reader, mentions of drugs, alcohol, pyromania?, just Judd things yk, maybe he should be a warning in himself, there’s like one brief mention of sex, generally creepy behavior, Judd being an unironic edge lord, author was sleep deprived

Playlist: I made him a fun little playlist, I tried very hard not to be biased and add songs I actually think he’d listen to instead of just songs I like lol

But! if you’d like to listen to some of Judd’s jams, you can do so HERE

Summary: part 2 to my Judd hc’s, read part one HERE

Author’s note: this,, just came to me. I’ve been taking random thoughts I had about Judd and added them to a docs document, and would you look at that! These hc’s wrote themselves! I think I babygirlyfied him a little bit, but yk what? He is my baby girl 💪

Just Judd things

Word count; 1,9K

Judd birch is known for many things, one of them being his smell

He always smells a bit.. funny

Not bad, just kinda like raccoons and alcohol, it’s an interesting smell

Often he also smells like some kinda polish, either because he’s been polishing his car or his knives

I’m sorry if I ruin y’all’s illusion, but he DOES NOT shower unless absolutely necessary

He only really showers if someone (probably you or his mom lol) tells him to, or if he had a particularly sweaty workout

Also, he would never admit this but sometimes he showers just to impress you

Always carries that certain Judd musk yk

He’s also one of those guys who washes their face like once every full moon but somehow still has flawless skin

If you ever convinced him to let you do his eyeliner, he would also not wash it off, just let it sit there and bake unless you washed it off for him

Anyways

Judd is mean as hell, a gaping asshole in his own words

But, he does respect his family somewhat

Even loves them a bit, if he’s being completely honest

Especially Diane

He holds a strong sense of respect for his mom, way more than his dad

It’s not like he’s gonna stop making low key misogynistic jokes for shits and giggles, but he often tries to dial back the cursing in front of her

Like he values her opinions and praise of him the most out of his family

He’s also super protective, mostly of his younger siblings

Like I mentioned before, he definitely has that kinda “edgy” humour

The guy probably says a lot of controversial stuff just to get a reaction

He literally pretends not to be a feminist just to piss off leah

(In reality, he genuinely doesn’t give one single shit about feminism)

Likewise he also just disagrees with whatever his family says just because they said it

But he will not hesitate to physically or verbally beat anyone who starts shit with his siblings

Forget all about is asshole-ness and such, he will obliterate anyone who hurt his siblings

Only he’s allowed to fuck with them lol

When he told Nick “you’ll die when I say you die” he really meant it

He actually also values the raccoons quite a bit

When he goes on his drunken rambles, they’re always there to listen yk

He has friends,, kinda, like he has people he tolerates more than others but he honestly doesn’t mind doing things alone

He enjoys his own company

But also the raccoons

It’s like a mentally unstable girl and her support cat, Judd just has his gang of raccoons

(He tells them all his secrets)

I feel like he would genuinely enjoy the company of an animal way more than people, not limited to raccoons

But he’s not nice to them, he’s never nice to anyone he cares about

He’s just doesn’t grasp the idea, being nice verbally means nothing to him

He’s a man of physical and action-based affirmations

It’s the little things that counts for him

Unless he knows someone who values affirming words, ect his family or girlfriend, he will very rarely go out of his comfort zone to grant them such

He’s so awkward verbally stating his feelings too omg,,

“Dad.. I.. love you..?” He’s like that each time he tries to come across as sincere, it’s like he’s questioning it as he’s speaking lol

He was like that as a kid too, he’s always just enjoyed creeping people out

He takes pride in his weirdness

The guy is very morally grey, the only thing he truly wants ever is the cause chaos

Or inflicting stress/pain on his siblings somehow

He doesn’t rough Leah up like he would with Nick, but he knows just how to get into her head

That’s another thing, he knows everyone’s business

Literally

Between hiding in the vents, being the designated dealer in town and generally the quiet kid in school, he knows what everyone’s up to

Even Nick and Leah’s friends

Knows all their names too

His parents definitely took him to a psychiatrist when he was younger, he was a very difficult child to deal with

Think gremlin meets Chucky

That’s baby Judd

His parents supported him though, and still do

Elliot especially tries to take interest in whatever Judd likes, bands, movies, setting things on fire, ect

Also, music wise, I think he’d really like the misfits

Probably also three days grace and oooh, definitely rob zombie

He just strikes me as that kinda guy

But also, he doesn’t know shit about the hands he listens to

He doesn't care enough to get into the people behind the music, you could literally ask him who’s in the band who wrote his favourite song and he wouldn’t know

Takes the term “separate the art from the artist” to a whole new level

If he doesn’t listen to music, he’s the type of dude to literally put “horror movie ambience” or “pov you’re getting murdered asmr” on or whatever the fuck

Also, he’s the type to strictly listen to music on YouTube, with adds because he doesn’t want to pay

He only has burner phones anyways, so he has to listen to music on his computer or whatever, he has a shit ton of obscure cd’s in his car though that he listens to as well

And on the topic of phones, because of his less than usual choice, literally no one has his number

Probably only Leah has his number? I feel like he’d only give it to her and maybe his girlfriend if you’re lucky

Leah has to text him like “mom says dinner is ready in 10” or “dad told me to text you to please come home soon” stuff like that, and she’s so done with it

He somehow has everyone’s number though

You’ll randomly get a text if he needs you, and he never tells you who it’s from

He will literally text you “I’m in your house” without any disclosure

Maybe he’ll add a few blurry pictures of something in your house as well

Oh but if he’s actually trying to scare you, expect pictures he took of rotting roadkill or a bloody ziplock back or something he found

He just loves gore and violence <3

Another thing he really, really, enjoys is scaring people

He deliberately hides behind doors or curtains to scare his family, he’s also really good at just being super silent?

If he doesn’t want to be found, you’re not gonna find him

If you sleep over at his house and use the bathroom by his room to brush your teeth, the fucker will be standing behind you in the mirror when you come up from rinsing your mouth

He scares those he cares about, what can I say

Well he also scares everyone else, he’s kinda feral

As I said before, it’s not like he doesn’t socialise at all, bc like, he’s literally everyone’s dealer

Idek where he gets his stuff from, but everyone knows Leah and Nick as Judd’s little siblings because they have bought from him one time or another

Not only limited to drugs, he also always has alcohol

(He robbed a liquor store)

Somehow they never found out it was him?? Even though it’s exceedingly obvious and he keeps doing it every other week or so

Some of your dates casually turns into “hey let’s rob a store” and it’s actually so chill

As a consequence of his never ending supply of Jack Daniel’s, he’s like chronically hung over

Always kinda tired and complaining that his head hurts

Literally has a hangover 6 out of 7 days of the week

He also has a bit of a pyromaniac streak

Sometimes buildings in town just sorta,, burn down

I feel like people in town know it’s Judd, but the police force is actually useless so again, he never gets caught

Actually he got caught once, because he was high and accidentally left a lighter at the crime scene

It was before he turned 18 though, so he got no major consequences besides like a night in jail and being grounded for a really long time

I imagine that might have been why he ran away? Man’s didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of his own consequences

He actually really likes consequences of things, just not when it actually turns out to be inconvenient for him

But like, he’s really fascinated by watching things slowly unfold if yk what I mean

He’s quite a patient guy, he literally had the patience to train a whole ass battalion of raccoons

But my point is, he can wait a long periods of time while plotting his sinister plans

He’s a supervillain at heart fr

And as I said before, he exists to cause chaos

I feel like he would literally worship the chaos theory, and he would definitely mansplain it to you

Judd doesn’t believe in god, but he believes in the chaos theory

That’s probably why he’s so into horror, but like a certain kind

He doesn’t really care too much about paranormal or psychological horror

He still watches it, but it’s just not his favourite

What he really loves, is the gorefests

Murderporn if you will

He lives and breathes bloody slasher movies, where people get pointlessly murdered left and right

Literally the more gritty the better

Especially if it’s one of those where all the women gets murdered with their tits out

Horror movies makes him horny help—

No but actually, he’s so annoying to watch them with, because even if it’s a movie he likes HE WILL NOT STOP COMMENTING

starts muttering every other minute about how that flesh wound is not realistic and how it would actually look

How does he know this? You don’t want to ask

But back to the horny part, if you’re dating him, you almost always fuck to horror movies instead of music

If Judd puts on a horror movie, yk what he’s initiating

It’s either that, or he lets you choose the music in his car

Two very subtle, but yet very clear demands of what he wants

Another thing, he loves when you scratch him up

On his chest, on his back, anywhere

Just having those long, red nail marks on his skin does stuff to him

The same with leaving marks on you, he’s so into it

He needs you to be absolutely as bitten and bruised up as you can possibly be

And it doesn’t limit to you, no, no please, bite him back

He’ll love it

(People around you are slightly concerned)

Now I’ve just listed a bunch of things he likes, but like whatever he’s doing, he’s gonna seem super indifferent

He’s just,,, always scowling

My man’s not coded to show joy

Wait okay no, but like he can smile, it just looks unnatural lol

Sometimes, he even laughs (mainly when others are in misery)

But generally, he’s just pretty stoic

And also, he doesn’t truly have that many opinions on stuff

He literally doesn’t care, but that’s kinda expected for someone who’s biggest wish is to go permanently off the grid

Like, he could be delivered the deadliest insult ever, or see a house burning down or something and he would still be like ._.

It takes quite a lot to get him to move his face muscles, is what I’m saying

Generally, it’s gonna take a lot to get him to care about anything

Wow 🤩 more judd headcannons

These were a bit pointless ig, but I enjoyed making them haha, I hope you enjoyed it! And if you listened to the playlist, I hope that was alright too 💪

Tags: @dlfvrr @bxbyyyjocelyn

[honeyatsu]

Loner 4 (Junpei x Reader)

PREV | Masterlist

TW: mention of suicide

a/n:

Hiiii ~ T_T it's been so long since i've written lol! I am sorry if its not good....im kinda rusty! I found this draft after trying to fix my laptop and going thru my things....I figured why not finish it!!! :D I loved working on this fic even tho the only thing done is the outline/draft...i missed writing so im just getting back into a hobby I once loved again ((: I am sooo sorry if my writing style is no longer enjoyable lol but only way to get better after a too long break is to keep writing :D !!!

You decide to take matters into your own hands when Junpei doesn’t return to school the next two weeks – literally.

If the empty desk next to you and continuous lonely lunches weren’t offensive enough, he had the audacity to not even open your texts anymore. Leaving your texts on delivered as opposed to the checked read notification you would often see desperately checking your phone at the end of the day, along with sending your calls straight to voicemail. Sometimes you think you would feel less offended if he just blocked you.

So, you generously speak to your school advisor, showing concern in your friends’ absence and inevitable fate of falling behind – you offer to take his missing work to him and help him catch up, not a complete lie. You weren’t one to be ghosted— ever. A shot to your ego mixed with a concern of your best friend, you decided if he was going to ignore you, you would just go to him. Even if it meant getting his address through the school, no matter how creepy it sounded, whatever context you would put it in.

“Are you taking those to Junpei?” you turn to see your underclassman and teammate, Ino, staring at you with her large doe hazel-eyes, her naturally flushed cheeks spreading from one corner of her face to another.

Cute, Ino was cute. You offer her a simple nod, the white pages your fingers were buried under slightly slipping from your grip, Ino catching it, leaning it towards you again before they could fall. “Do you want me to come and help?” Her tone was sincere and kind, you could say her voice was almost as angelic as her face.

Your stomach churned, body becoming stiff as she stood in front of you, batting her doe-eyes at you with a smile. She annoyed you.

“It’s fine. Gotta go.” You mutter, gripping onto the folders and sheets tightly, speeding your way past her.

It’s lively here, the area you need to walk through in order to get to his home. There are students, chatting, taking up the streets and shops as they lounge around after school. When you walked passed Tatsu Ramen, you tried to not let the bitterness linger around, seeing familiar (yet not so friendly) faces eating there. You flick your tongue against your teeth, wondering if Junpei decided to finally stop ignoring you, where would you two go now. You try to avoid them, quickly shuffling past them, using the stack to cover your face.

The walk wasn’t a short one, nor a long one. It was far enough to make your ankles ache, holding onto the heavy workload – you weren’t sure if you felt bad for the missing work he was going to have to do, or the scolding you were mentally rehearsing to give him.

Either way, it was a headache he deserved, you thought.

The lecture that wasn’t ready was going to have to come sooner rather than later, as you spot him walking toward his home, his clothes baggy and even from the distance you were at, he was more relaxed than you’ve seen him ever be at school. You were at the top of a small street-hill that came before his house, the slope only aiding your speed as you ran towards him, shouting his name, gripping the folder and paperwork that were fighting to slip through your hands.

The closer you get to him, the sloppier your moves are, your nerves reaching all the way to the tip of your toes, the crack on the street not helping as you trip over it. Junpei’s arms reaches out, stopping you from falling into his chest with both hands placed on your shoulder. You stare him in the eye, chest heaving and breath loud and messy, you don’t care that you’re practically blowing your breath into his face. Seeing him felt like seeing a ghost — but seeing his wide eyes turn into a small scowl felt like seeing a ghost who just punched you in the chest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes squinting as he observed the piles of work placed on your hand. He scoffs at the sight.

“You’re not in the right to ask questions! Do you even know how a phone works?” you huff out, trying to catch your breath and put your adrenaline at ease.

A look of shame left as quickly as it came as he let go of you giving you a slight shove, his lips pouting as he faced the opposite direction of your face, “Don’t tell me you’re here because you’re worried about my coursework.”

“Well, for us to graduate together, you kind of need to pass. I just thought I’d do you a favor.” Your lower your arms to remove the work that was covering half of your face, displaying your frown even though he was refusing to look at you. You take a deep breath as you contemplate your next sentence. “Plus, I was wo –”

“Us? There is no us,” You were interrupted anyways.

Your mouth opens but no words come out, Junpei finally turns to you. Looking into your eyes, challenging you, just daring you to say something next. You feel the heat of embarrassment rise to your cheeks – or maybe it’s anger, you weren’t exactly sure how you felt at the moment. At the sight of someone who was supposed to be your best friend staring at you with such disgust, almost as if he regretted getting to know you at all.

“You’re all the same.” He started out. His eyes never left yours. “Did you know we’ve gone to the same school for years? By chance you finally noticed me, and because you were too afraid to sit in the front. You think that makes us friends?” His dark gaze was going right through you, burning. The tension couldn’t be cut with a knife as he tried reading you, scanning you for any reaction.

You give him one, taking a slight step back, mouth thinned. You’re still holding on to the stack of papers, crumpling them between your fingers. He waits for you to reply, but you don’t.

“That’s not what bothers me. Your friends, they’ve been picking on me for years. How are you just now noticing? What – because you think we’re friends you finally think I’m worthy of being saved?” He gives a dry, coarse laugh. “You’re no different from the rest. You think you are, because you became friends with poor Junpei, right? You finally decide not to turn a blind eye, barley. The same way everyone else pretends to not notice, you did too! You let them get away with it. It’s not just me that gets picked on! And unless they’re your friends, unless they’re worthy of kindness, you just let them! Everyone does! Teachers, other students, you!”

You don’t dare to speak; you simply shove the assignments to his arms. You don’t look up, you don’t want him to see your lips quiver at his words – you don’t want him to see you fighting to keep your eyes dry, fighting to tune him out. Your attempts fail you, feeling your own wet lashes against your cheek, a single, suppressed tear managing to escape.

“I never needed you. I never needed your pity, I never needed you to save me!”

Of course, he’s mad at you. You don’t know what you did, but you figure that you abandoning him when there was something clearly wrong the other day had something to do with it. You knew something was wrong, yet you still left. And you feel guilty, so guilty for being such a bad friend, just like he says. You feel guilty, thinking that you could just march to him when you’re the one who is in the wrong. You weren’t a good friend, and Junpei knew his worth. You were convinced you were in the right, that it was okay for you to be mad at your friend for abandoning you, but you abandoned him first. You’re ready to turn your heel, turn back and leave him alone for good, and you almost do.

Almost.

“What’s going on here?” A strong voice asked from behind you. You turned your head to be met with a tall slender woman, short black hair, and holding a cigarette in her left hand.

His tone changes, along with his facial expression. His eyebrow twitches when he realizes who has arrived (at the worst possible time, for him); It did not take you necessarily long to realize who she was, her and Junpei practically sharing the same face. If you weren’t so hurt and angry, you could imagine how humiliated you would feel. Weeks of begging Junpei to let you come over, introduce you to his family — and here you are, face to face with the woman who brought your favorite person into this world (even if he was being an ass right now); snotty nosed, eyes glossy, and an ugly tight facial expression because no, you didn’t want him to see you cry.

“She’s bringing my missing work, just a classmate–”

You cut him off, introducing yourself by giving your name, “I’m his best friend.” you snuck in, bowing to his mother while grabbing a work folder, pointing to it. “I brought his classwork. And being honest, I was concerned. I wanted to see for myself that he was okay.” Considering the fact that he seemed to forget how to use his phone and turned into an asshole, you thought to yourself, but you knew to leave that thought to yourself, not wanting to push any of his mother’s buttons, determined to make a good first impression.

“The ramen girl?”

Your eyebrow twitches, turning to Junpei. It almost shocks you, how after his speech of how cruel he tried to make you out to be, this is what offends you. “Your mother knows me as…. the ramen girl?” Junpei stares at you in disinterest and shrugs.

“It’s not often I get to meet a friend, let alone a best friend.” She grins in amusement, “Do you wanna come in and help him catch up with work?”

“Mom, not necessary.” Junpei mutters quietly.

“It wouldn’t be a problem at all!” You chirped in response, grinning from ear to ear as you follow them into their home, ignoring Junpei’s face twisted in irritation.

Their home is welcoming, fit for a small family of two. His mother (you find out her name is Nagi), goes straight to her fridge, taking out a bottle of beer while settling on her counter.

“I appreciate you doing this for him. I understand school isn’t for everyone and honestly, it isn’t as big as you kids make it seem. “ She takes a sip of her beer before continuing, “but I would be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate this. Or you. I’m just glad I finally got to meet the girl who’s worked wonders you’re not even aware of.”

The praise makes you flush — your body heating up. You swiftly look towards Junpei’s direction, seeing his face tinted red, from his cheeks to the tip of his ears. He was avoiding his mothers gaze along with yours, looking to the side and pouting, arms crossed. He looked like an angry toddler, and you would laugh, normally — if you didn’t feel he hated you at this moment.

“ — Oh, I’m sorry, am I keeping you guys waiting?” His mother replies with a grin, “You’re free to go on, help your best friend catch up on his work!” She takes both of you, leading your way to his bedroom with her palm on both backs, lightly shoving you through the door.

Junpei is standing beside you, sheepishly, his guilt showering his face as he sees you softly close the door behind you and fist your palms as a way to calm yourself down. You’re nervous, and you can tell he is too, the blush never leaving his face. And as awkward and unpredictable this current situation is (meeting his mom in the middle of a fight and having her throw you into his bedroom, awkward is an understatement), you still know there are things you need to talk about. You slowly take a few steps towards him, each step causing you to take a deep breath before you trap him in a tight hug.

“I should’ve been a better friend.” You mutter into his chest. Still holding onto him, you look up at him and nearly laugh at his surprised expression. “Please don’t think you don’t matter to me. Or that I feel bad for you. I mean – ouch – because of how you judge my character. You are my friend. I care about you, a lot. And I’m sorry for making you feel otherwise.”

The gold locket you usually kept hidden in your shirt was brought out, it felt so delicate in between your fingers, but the feelings and memories with what was inside laid heavy in your heart. You took one last, slow, deep breath before you opened the heart-chapped locket, revealing the photo of your deceased father. “He was bullied at work. My dad. They treated him horribly, told him he wasn’t worthy of being man of the house, or something like that.”

Don’t cry, You try to tell yourself, don’t cry.

“Well, one day it all got to him. And he decided it was easier to leave me and my mom, than to ‘burden us with his pathetic excuse of a husband and father’. At least that’s what he said in the letter. If he asked me, I would’ve said he was great.”

You sigh, closing up the locket and placing it back into your shirt, “I should’ve paid more attention, you’re right. No one wants to believe people are bad, or people with hearts can be capable of being so cruel. I always thought people were just people when my dad died. When I read his note, it was so sad. Life seemed so dimmed in his perspective. I guess I didn’t want to experience my life like that, I became ignorant to those around me, especially my shitty friends. I was around bullies and was too dumb to even see it.”

Your arms quickly found their way around his waist, bringing your head to his chest and looking up at him, the small tears that still haven’t fallen glistening in between your eyelashes. “What I’m trying to say with all of this is, I’m sorry. I understand what they do is fucked up, and I’m sorry for just staying silent. My ignorance isn’t an excuse, it was never okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you. And I’m not enabling those friendships any longer. You’re my friend Junpei, I care about you.”

Junpei wraps his arms around you, pressing his body tightly against yours. He would’ve never guessed you felt as bad as you did — he would have never imagined you having to go through something so tragic, yet remained so strong, so willing, so vulnerable to the world around you.

It’s silent, the forgiveness that’s communicated between the two of you. After the embrace you look up at him, your eyes still glistening but your smile turns into a small curve, your teeth slightly showing before you start giggling, hitting his chest. He follows you after — laughing at how vulnerable and serious you two were with one another, and he’s happy, because this is new. He hasn’t experienced a true friendship, a falling out, or making up after, being vulnerable.

The next few hours are peaceful as you two sit sprawled out on his bed with the textbooks and folders with weeks worth of school work. You promised to help catch him up as long as he promised to stop skipping class and ignoring you, especially during times he needs people most.

Junpei spends five minutes staring at a problem, not quite understanding what he was supposed to do. He calls your name for help, but you don’t respond. “I really need help right now,” he states, bringing his attention to you, lifting his eyes to meet yours; His eyes softened at the view in front of him, the world around you became a blur — you being the focus point, the soft beating his heart slowly becoming rapid, his body becoming flushed seeing you laid across his bed, your mouth agape and slight drool dripping from the side. He stares and thinks to himself, he’s always thought you were pretty, but this would have to be the prettiest he’s seen you.

He slowly lifts himself off the bed, tip-toeing around to make sure he doesn’t make the slightest noise while going to your side, being sure to not wake you from your sleep.

Junpei takes your leg that was hanging from the edge and takes the piles of work spread across his bed and neatly places them onto his desk, sitting beside your sleeping figure and taking his blanket, covering your body. He then lays beside you, on top of the covers so there is a barrier between the two of you. His eyes trace the shape of your body, looking at the little details and appreciating every blemish, every texture, every line on your face. Without even realizing he brought his face closer to yours, in awe at how at peace you look laying beside him after all he’s put you through.

He takes a moment, taking in a deep breath as he decides to swallow his pride, whispering an apology.

And to his surprise, he hears you accept his apology faintly, right before your quiet snores echo around the room. He smiles at the sight, laying down besides you

As you two fell asleep with one beside one another, close but not close enough, his mother barged in, holding a tray of tea, about to offer some until she noticed the sight before her.

She then smiled to herself, wanting to wake you guys up, or just take a picture to tease you two with it later. She decides to let you two have this moment, because something tells her there would be more to come.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

When winter comes, it comes quietly — the snow falling sneaking up on the world, the same way your feelings for Junpei seemed to. You don’t exactly remember when his presence alone would have your heart beating out of your chest, you don’t remember when you would feel heat rise in your face when he would give you a simple compliment, but it made you uneasy — and confused. Because he was your friend, later on you realized that these physical setbacks weren’t supposed to happen around your friend.

Your friendship with Junpei slowly got better, it was like starting from square one, but he got comfortable fast — you’d say things were getting to how they once were, but you’d argue that they were better. Junpei smiled more, he laughed more, he even got bold and would initiate physical contact with you. It should make you happy, that he has become more open, more willing to shed his light not only to you, but others as well. He developed a better friendship with his club members, he even started to acknowledge people that even shocked you, and it should make you happy.

It should.

One moment you’re urging Junpei to smile more. He’s president of a club filled with classmates with the same interests as him, you jokingly tell him if he can handle being your friend he should have no problem making more. One moment you’re skipping down the halls, holding a bag with a surprise for him – a gift, there was no special event coming up, but you saw the item and thought of him. One moment you’re excited to start off his day with one of his warm laughs, and wide smile you’ve come to adore – and now, you’re trying to be still as your legs wobble, witnessing something that makes your stomach turn in discomfort.

Junpei is laughing – an honest, joyful, (almost too joyful) laugh. The gift bag almost drops to the ground, but you gripped it tightly as it nearly slipped out of your palms, your jaw suddenly tensed up, and you feel like even blinking would be impossible. His eyes are practically glistening as he looks down at the pink hair, doe-eyed girl you knew all too well. She looks up at him, reaching towards his upper left arm, grabbing it after giggling something you couldn’t make out to him. Junpei doesn’t flinch, in fact, he doesn’t react at all. He accepts her physical touch as if it was the most natural thing to him, and something in you bursts. It was as if a fire was casted in your chest, as if the devil himself pushed you far enough to run into Junpei’s back, nearly pushing him further into Ino if you weren’t able to catch the back of his school shirt before he got a chance to fall.

Before you realize what you’ve done, you feel Ino’s large eyes on you, a curious look on her face quickly switching to her sweet smile that has the rest of the school on the palm of her hands, and Junpei looking back at you curiously. You remove your hand from his shirt, slowly bringing it to your side, you lower your gaze to the floor, gripping your gift, wishing to any god out there to have you disappear from the scene itself.

“We have things to go over, Junpei.” You try to state as calmly as possible, but it comes out bitter, a shaky voice followed by a nervous hand reaching for his wrist, not waiting for a response before you attempt to drag him to the opposite direction of Ino.

You peak over his shoulder when he doesn’t move, seeing Ino hold onto his other wrist, keeping him in place. You try to imagine how this looks to the classmates around you, Junpei in between of two classmates, both pulling him into the opposite direction. You try to imagine the amount of self control it would take to not grab one of the most popular first years by the head and drag her down the hall without it becoming a big scandal.

Your breath hitches as Ino looks you in the eye, her smile never faulting. You watch her with a blank stare, your eyes staring at her hand gripping his wrist until she drops it. When you look up she looks back at you innoccently, as if she didn’t just send you into an internal war with her. “I asked Junpei to the Lantern festival.” Ino announces, clear and to the point, her eyes staring directly into yours.

“Just…just the two of you?” You blink back, letting go of the grip you have on him. Your gaze switched from staring directly at her to Junpei, “Did you say yes?”

“No!” Ino laughs out, and it pains you to admit how melodic it was, how you get why Junpei is so comfortable with someone he barely knows. “Chifuyu and Hori are coming. I didn’t want to be the only girl, so I asked Junpei to come along with you. You know them right? They’re in your art classes.”

“I’d like to go.” Junpei states softly. You try not to glare at him, huffing to yourself as you mutter back “whatever.” You pull Junpei rougher, which leads Ino to let go as you drag him into the empty art club room.

The room is silent for the first few minutes. The sound of you ruffling through your bag to get things out and place them onto the desk is the only thing that echoes through the room. The two of you avoid eyecontact with one another – Junpei looking at anywhere but you while playing with his hands, you take out pictures you’ve printed, sprawling them across the desk, neatly lining them up to one another.

A majority of them were selfies of the two of you. If the air around the two of you wasn’t as heavy due to the last encounter, you probably would’ve smiled – chuckled, even. These photos were the visual documenting of the friendship the two of you shared, a visual timeline of seeing his comfortablility with you. From looking awkwardly at the camera (you were lucky if you even got a smile), to some blurry pictures of him shying away, they blossomed into him

“You know,” you started off, pretending to look into the pictures as if you were inspecting them, “When I said you should show the more open side of you more often….I didn’t think you’d do it so easily. Especially with other girls.” You try to sound nonchalant. You try to make it sound like a friend teasing another one.

“I – I just,”

“It’s not a problem. It’s just crazy. Lookin’ at these pictures, y’know? How long it took you to get comfortable with me but you talk to Ino as if you’ve known her for years.” You don’t know what you’re implying or why you’re implying anything at all – Junpei is just your friend and it’s not not fair to act like you own him, that you’re the only girl in the world he should be laughing with.

It shouldn’t bother you that he’s getting more social thanks to his friendship with you. This should be a happy moment. But you can’t help the way the memory of him laughing so easily with her causes your skin to burn, or the heavy fall you felt in your chest when you saw Ino’s hand touch him. The red flush that spread around his face didn’t make it better either.

“I feel like I should say sorry.” Junpei admits, “But I don’t know why I’m apologizing.”

“You don’t need to.” You mumble to yourself, still refusing to look up at him. You sigh as you’re shuffling through the pictures, none of them working for you. The selfies themselves were nice, two friends just savoring memories with one another. Staring at them all heeds the realization that these pictures were nothing but mere proof of your friendship with one another, the word friends sitting grudgingly in your mind. “None of these are good enough.”

You feel Junpei tower over you, his eyes similarly scanning the photos you’ve laid out. He brings his arm out, it hovers over you, lighty grazing your shoulder as he grabs a photo that’s caught his eye. Your breath hitches when his chest presses up against your back due to the movement – your body freezing, this physical contact alone having your breath to become uneasy, using every ounce of your strength to not lose the balance onto your legs. Hesitantly, you turn your head to look up at him, his dark eyes glistening, staring at what he’s just picked up with nothing less than stars in his eyes. He brings the picture closer to him, unintentionally wrapping his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

Your eyes shift towards the picture he’s holding. It's one of the first ones where he actually felt comfortable enough to look into the camera and smile, his arm wrapped around yours and a peace sign being held up to the side of your face. Your gaze landing on him once again, you tell yourself not to overthink the small grin spread on his face, the red tint that’s just barely making itself visible to you. If you weren’t in such close proximity to him, truthfully, you wouldn’t have even noticed.

“Can I keep this one?” Junpei barely whispers to you. He looks down at you for approval, eyes widening at how close your face has gotten to his. He looks down, noticing it was him who has pressed himself to you, and quickly looks back up into your eyes – face growing redder the more you two look into each other's eyes. You imagine the two of you share the same expression, a mix of being flustered and afraid. His arm wrapped around you stays frozen, afriad that moving would bring you closer or bring your bodies farther from one another. Junpei was unsure which one made him the most uneasy between the two.

Neither of you are sure who brought their face closer to the other, his nose touching yours being the only indication that the two of you were even moving. The quiet room wasn’t silent enough, the beating in your chest too loud for your comfort, convinced that Junpei could hear the way he was making your heart jump. Attempting to break the ice, you open your mouth, closing it just as quickly when you see Junpei scanning your face, his eyes landing on your lips. He tenses up, watching the way it closes and seeing your lips subtly pout.

Seeing Junpei watch you with so much want, feeling his chest rise and fall unevenly on your back, this whole situation became overwhelming for you. Here you stand, a few moments ago trying to rid yourself of the jealousy that was clouding your mind, to now find yourself trapped against him. As close as you two are, it still doesn’t feel close enough. You slightly look away, overwhelmed. Noticing in the corner of your eye the gold sparkly bag making itself noticeable to you on the tabl besides the one with all the pictures.

Whether you were even looking for an escape from the situation or not, you took it, quickly removing yourself from Junpei’s hold. Your cheeks heat up as you shuffle yourself away from him, quickly turning and grabbing the gift back. A deep breath escapes your lips as you turn to him, ignoring the look of rejection spread across his face. You chuckle awkwardly, lifting your arms straight and pushing the bag into his chest.

“I got you something.” You announce too quickly, the sentence almost sounding like one word mushed together. Junpei blinks as he stares at the bag, hesitantly grabbing it and removing it from your hold. Whatever confusing feeling he had left for the time being as he opens it, pulling out the movie Killer Klowns From Outter Space disk.

“I thought you hated this movie.”

“I do. That’s why I’m giving it to you. You can keep it, you said it was hard to find a copy. My mom was gonna toss it anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It was my dads. I would rather give it to someone who matters to me just as much than just throw it out.”

Junpei smiles, a soft “Thank you” leaving his lips while he pulls you in for a hug. You can’t move for a moment – nor speak. Just leaving one awkward situation where your bodies were almost too close for comfort right into another one. You slowly wrap both your arms around him, feeling his grip on you tighten.

While it no longer feels awkward, to deny you felt anything other than your stomach doing flips and feeling so at ease in his grip all at once would be a lie.

taglist:

pls let me know thru my ASK box if you want to be added/removed! It is easier for me to check and add that way, thank you ^_^

@wuvnoya

@loveinumaki

@i2kusou

@snackgod

@kasevna

@sillygoof

@chosos-sweetheart

@big-mood-bisexual

@hollingsworthray21425

@doughnuts-eater

@Keisukebajimipatron

@Broshot

@V08909v

@Riahs-world96

@pelicanpizza 

@Coconut-socks

@thegirlwhoharnessedthelight

[zmediaoutlet]

happy wincest wednesday!! what's an example of an episode or storyline that you think would play out differently with sam/deanna? and is there a trope you think would suit the hetcest dynamic better?

hello, my femme deanna-truth bud, happy wincest wednesday to you. and perhaps it's proof of how fantastically well Deanna cleaves to the actual characterization and canon of the show that every storyline that's popping to mind is just enhanced by the sex/gender change. Like -- soulless!Sam letting Dean get turned into a vampire and how that vampire sire was absolutely a creepy rapist? That but with Deanna? Identical, just more... obvious. Sam having a relationship with Amelia, while Dean has a "relationship" with Benny, and how that's written as a dual affair where they have to dump their mistresses? If Deanna's in Purgatory with Benny, there is absolutely zero question that they were fucking, and it's just actually explicit instead of heavily implicated in subtext.

I think one thing that would maybe genuinely feel different would be the time when Mary came back. You can play it a lot of ways, but it doesn't seem unreasonable that Deanna might have a much more complicated relationship with the absent sainted mother than Dean did. For one thing, Mary doesn't get the safe madonna-distance due to gender difference -- and while Dean's mother-and-wife replacement status for John is subtextual in canon, Deanna gets it with both barrels. When she sees what happens when Mary makes that deal to bring John back -- when she sees that Mary wants to have a 'normal' life -- when she knows that Mary's choices have doomed not just the family in general but Sam in the specific (and setting aside that destiny and literal God have conspired to bring Mary to the place where she would do those things) -- Dean clearly has some resentment but manages to set that aside for the beloved mother on a pedestal. I think Deanna might be significantly more pissed off, and overtly. Rather than simpering big-eyed at the lovely mommy in the white nightgown, I think she'd go quite frosty and resentful and thinking, yeah? You weren't the one who had to deal with what your choices actually meant.

How interesting it'd be to have Sam in the middle of that particular weirdness. Imagine Mary coming out with those little nitpicky 'mom comments' about how Deanna wears her hair or how she dresses or wondering why she cleans her shotgun that way and Deanna getting ready to fucking explode, lol. I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I didn't think you'd take care of it but times a hundred, a thousand. Imagine Mary making that deal with the Letters and Deanna not just icing her out but fucking decking her in the jaw.

...This actually isn't all that different to canon either, is it, lol. Deanna just always makes whatever textually happens to Dean more intense, more overt, more there, in a way that isn't the lovely interpretability of canon but just IN YOUR FACE. Our little object without agency, parentified and wifed, battered on all sides.

Oh, and for the trope: legit D/s. More obvious on the face of it, but actually more subversive and alarming if you think longer.

[aquaristintern]

Hey! I meant to send you an ask for the ask meme way earlier but the trailer dropped and i got completely derailed..

But here it is!

What is your favourite book genre and is there anything you would recommend? What is your favourite movie from your childhood? Do you have any unpopular IWTV opinions? Do you have any Season 2 theories you haven't seen anyone talk about? Do you have any Claudia headcanons specific to Paris? Do you think Claudia might be haunting Dubai? Are there any songs you think are very Claudia coded?

Here I am answering this ask 4-5 days later!

-What is your favourite book genre and is there anything you would recommend?

I tend to gravitate towards gothic horror and absurdist comedy (the two can often intertwine) For what I would recommend, it would depend on the person! Like, do you like something that involves romance? History? Leans more into the comedy aspect? Leans more into the horror aspect?

-What is your favourite movie from your childhood?

At 11 I got addicted to Titanic and became a huge Titanic nerd lol. It's funny because I actually thought it was a horror movie initially because I watched the second half first with a friend who just wanted to skip to the boat sinking (I had never watched a horror movie prior to this so watching the claustrophobic sinking room scenes and the multiple people dying in front of me traumatized me okay!!). I guess I'll go with Titanic since that's the one movie I still love today I'm not ashamed to admit :)

-Do you have any unpopular IWTV opinions?

Oh plenty. I've spoken about a lot of them but I guess I'll mention that the writers including what happened to Claudia in Episode 5 was not bad writing, but more just poorly set-up imo. I know a lot of people hated it when the episode came out, and threw accusations of exploitation and the writers adding it just for shock value, but I politely disagree with those takes even if I get where they're coming from.

(trigger warning for mentions of SA below)

Claudia in both the books and the show constantly suffers from a lack of autonomy. It is a huge aspect of her character. She is constantly touched and handled too freely, as if she were still a child, without her consent. Louis and Claudia's relationship gets very unhealthy as well, as a result of her creators designing an environment where she literally has no one else. Now that they have aged her up, this aspect is still present, but now the threats are different. Claudia in Season 1 is driven by freedom and romantic love, but has now reached a stage where any human she gets into a romantic relationship would either be a creepy relationship with teenage boys, or a creepy relationship with a pervert. So she then looks to finding love with other vampires. Then she finds out, like in the books, other vampires won't necessarily understand or respect her either. It's a depressing realization that makes her character even more tragic. I know people would have preferred her seeing her struggle on her own to the point of being driven home rather than having the assault take place, but because of Claudia's character development this season, and because the season was so tightly condensed, the plot they went with actually makes sense :( And in fact, Claudia was actually never driven home because of the assault. She was driven home when she realized what her purpose finally was, as she was feeling lost and like she didn't belong anywhere as a black teenage vampire for years ("I realized why they made me- to be Louis's sister). If she couldn't survive on her own, albeit with more struggles than other vampires would, she wouldn't have tried to leave in Episode 6 by herself with Louis's assurance she could get by alright.

The thing that also makes this non-exploitative and randomly placed to me is that they never show it, and explicitly emphasize that they will not be showing or revealing the details despite Daniel's pressing.

The thing I didn't like was how it was set up. Bruce, like Claudia, wants to find other vampires and form a gang, but when he has found Claudia, after a minute, without any warning, just instantly throws an etiquette book at her (?), gets angry, assaults her, then leaves? So was that just his goal his entire time? I get why people think it's a badly written plotline. It would have made much more sense if Bruce had been a creepy "Stanley from Silent Hill 3" type, who through stalking her across universities, leaves letters and weird gifts for her or something. Claudia would be initially intrigued, because, hello, other vampires exist after all! but soon becomes wigged out and starts ignoring his letters/mind messages to her. She would end up escaping him (or killing him), because he wouldn't leave her alone, and that experience might add to her desire to leave the country and face Lestat.

Do you have any Season 2 theories you haven't seen anyone talk about?

I actually don't see many people talking about Madeleine. I do have a theory that Madeleine parallels Claudia's human mother in a couple of ways. I have this headcanon that Claudia had a black father and a white mother (just going off on the fact that Bailey Bass is biracial, but you don't have to agree), and they were teenagers when they had her, so that's why her dad gave her to his family to take care of (I'm assuming Claudia's mother might have been disowned or ran off, or her family refused to raise her themselves). So Madeleine represents to Claudia her mother if she had lived, just like Madeleine sees Claudia as a daughter if she had lived. And because this is supposed to be a complicated relationship, as Claudia is the actual older one, probably still longing for romantic connection, and doesn't want to get stuck in another daughter role, the show might venture further than mother/daughter/friendship territory, because this is the AR universe so things will naturally get complicated. I totally get if others don't want them to go into that area though.

Do you have any Claudia headcanons specific to Paris?

I do feel like Paris is where Claudia has her own awakening, same as Louis. It's where she realizes she likes girls, as we see her in a vampire orgy scene with another woman. I also think Claudia is a bit of a stalker. She likes trailing Madeleine or other women, seeing the life she could have had if she had stayed human. She actually ironically shares that in common with Armand. I feel like Armand and Claudia will actually like each other at first, and see a lot of themselves in each other. But because Claudia can see trouble coming a million miles away, his act doesn't fool her for long like it does with Louis, so gradually tension starts to build. I feel like Armand in the show, unlike in the book, actually harbors some regret when it comes to killing Claudia.

Also Claudia sketching Madeleine when?

Another headcanon I have is that Claudia has to fight for scenes where she plays someone who isn't a child/doll (hence the red dress in that promotional poster/painting). She also wants to get involved in some of the playwrighting, which she does with Armand. She does this until she starts getting suspicious about him, and after she quits writing, she not coincidentally at all starts getting cast in babydoll roles again. Armand sucks!

Do you think Claudia might be haunting Dubai?

God I hope so I want her to be haunting Louis but especially Armand's ass. The reason Armand supposedly can be awake at any time is because he just can't sleep, what with Claudia constantly taunting and tormenting him!

Are there any songs you think are very Claudia coded?

-"Can't Catch Me Now" by Olivia Rodrigo- perfect for Claudia haunting Louis and Armand!

-"Daughter" by Beyonce

-"Brutal" by Olivia Rodrigo

-"Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper

-"I've Got To Be Me" by Sammy Davis Jr.

-"Teen Idle" by Marina

-"Antagonist" by Nova Twins

-"Beating Like A Hammer" by Metric

-"Mama, I'm A Big Girl Now" (Hairspray)

-"Eat Your Young" by Hozier- I hesitate to add this one because the song is supposedly based around the Irish "A Modest Proposal", now a similar concept taking place in modern times, but the music video just strikes me as very Claudia coded. In it, the child in the nuclear family is created to fulfill the parent's needs, and is subsequently put into a box and told to be a certain way. The parents are hungry in a demanding society that metaphorically starves them to the point that they'll take drastic measures to fulfill that hunger, even if it means exploiting and metaphorically consuming their own children. And who is that if not Claudia with regards to Louis and Lestat?

Thanks for the ask friend! And sorry it took so long to answer <3

[daddyisastateofmind]

The one where Sam contemplates mortality and almost has a heart attack [Redacted audio] [Sam x Darlin'] [Angsty]

I haven't written anything in a while, but the plot bunny would not just go away lol:

They were asleep. They were supposed to be watching a movie with him, but 10 mins in they were curled up under him arm, their back to his side and their head resting back on his shoulder.

He should be watching the movie, but he can't seem to tear his eyes away from them.

Most of the time his darlin' had a guard up - he didn't hold that against them. Considering their past it was very reasonable to him. But this guard had a physical manifestation during waking hours - a frown line right in the middle of their forehead. It was one of Sam's favourite things about them. He took great pleasure in giving the line a gentle kiss whenever he could get away with it.

But in sleep? Sleep is where all tension ran out of them, their skin smoothed out, and that little line faded away. He gave a gentle smile and stroked the patch of skin where the line usually is with the pad of his thumb.

Sam did this more often than he should - watching them sleep. He knows they wouldn't like that; very creepy of him to do. But there was something about them like this that he couldn't resist.

They were so beautiful, he has a hard enough time keeping his eyes off his darlin' most of the time. You can't blame him to by staring now, not when they looked so tranquil.

Darlin' made a little moan and rolled over to their side, their face nuzzling into his chest and their arm coming around to wrap around his waist.

He chuckled as he thought what they would do if he told everybody how much his Darlin' was a cuddle bug. He'd be a dead man. Well, more dead than he usually is.

The new position meant he was now staring at the side of their face. 'Gorgeous from every angle' he thought.

His hand now came up to stroke their cheek. While relishing the softness of their skin and drinking in the sight of them, his eyes caught on the corner of their eye. Even in the peace of sleep, there were a couple of lines there. Crow's feet. That's what they call them.

He never noticed that before.

Crow's feet.

Not that there is anything wrong with crow's feet. It didn't detract from how lovely they were. And it's perfectly natural.

Perfectly natural sign of aging.

Aging.

Sam knew they were a bit of an odd couple. Sam wasn't awake during the day. Darlin' was. Sam was not quick to anger. Darlin' could pop off at someone for looking at them the wrong way. Sam ate food for pleasure. Darlin' sometimes forgot the eat even though they depend on it for survival.

But there was one difference they didn't talk about. One he didn't even like to think about.

Darlin' will live until they died. Sam died and has kept on living.

He knew this when they first started this relationship. It was obvious - he is a vampire, immortal and ageless. They were a werewolf, mortal and vulnerable.

He healed their life threatening injuries once, from when they were being stupid and decided they were indestructible. Literally had their blood on his hands while peeking into their insides.

And for some reason, those little lines on their face are what caused the following thought hit him like a punch to the stomach.

One day he would see them pass on. One day they would shut their eyes and never open again. He wanted to be sick.

'I don't know if I can do that' he thought.

Another voice whispered from the back of his mind 'But what if you don't have to?'

Sam was a maker. He's drained someone of their blood and let them drink in his. Killed someone so they might live again. But could he do that to Darlin'?

His mind wandered to Vincent and his partner. About seeing Vincent holding them in his arms and making an impossible choice.

Would Sam make the same choice?

Would Darlin' make the same choice?

What if they couldn't speak? What if they were too far gone and there was no time? Bite them, or lose them forever?

What would he do?

Sam liked to think of himself as respectful. He asked permission, said please and thank you, and tried not to change a person's mind just because it was easier for him. He wouldn't turn them without their consent - not without knowing it was what they wanted him to do. Right?

Looking down on their face, he kept repeating to himself that he wouldn't do it. That he would have the strength to let them go.

But the other voice in his head disagreed. It told him that he would be selfish. That he would bite them just so he didn't have to go through the heartbreak of watching them die; of knowing love so strongly and then having it ripped from him like a teddy bear from a child.

With the heart thumping in his chest from just the idea of their mortality, he knew that it was possible.

That dark voice led him down deeper. 'And what if you did turn them? How would they react? Would they be grateful or would they despise you?'

Vincent's partner had lost all their powers that they tried so hard to master. And they were grateful...? Sam thought they must be - they were still with Vincent after all. Disgusting cute with each other everytime he saw the couple.

But Darlin' was a shifter. Has been all their life. He can't imagine they would be ok with having their wolf taken away from them.

Would they hate him?

Would it matter?

With their life in the balance, would Sam care if they would hate him? If they never spoke to him again?

What would Sam value more - knowing his Darlin' loved him even though they were dead, or knowing his Darlin' detested him but were still alive?

How much would Darlin' hate him? Would they just disappear from his life, or would they hunt him down, determined to end him?

Would they hate him more than Quinn? Would he be better or worse than Quinn? Would it matter?

Sam forced himself to take a deep breath to try and stop his sprialling thoughts. He focused on his body in the present moment and the heat from Darlin's body on his.

He blinked and cupped their face in his hand. And the truth became clear, as much as he hated it:

He would ask them, and whatever their choice, he would abide. No matter how painful.

But if it were his choice? He would bite them.

Sam is a healer. A couple of years ago he would of said that he was a former healer, but recent events have shown him that deep down he just wants to fix people - to make them not hurt anymore.

And Darlin' was different. He loved them. More than that, the love he felt for them was overwhelming if he thought about it too long. Just the mere thought of them gave him such a warm feeling inside.

If it was for their own good, there is nothing he wouldn't do for them.

So even if they hated, despised, and resented him for all eternity, he would turn them so they might live again. And he would offer his heart on a silver platter to them, to keep or crush as they saw fit.

He would let them end him if it meant they might live.

As his brain tried to justify his choices to himself, his mind drifted to his own turning.

Alexis.

She loved him. And was put in a position where she may have had to see him die. Does that mean-?

No. No no no.

Sam was conscious at the time. He told her he didn't want it. He had a choice - Alexis just ignored it and decided she knew better.

A vivid picture appeared in his mind - a picture of holding Darlin's face in his hands even as they shook their head, tears running down their face as pleas dripped from their lips just as much as the blood in their mouth did. The smell of burning rubber and hot metal filled his nose.

Bite them, or lose them forever

Bite them, or lose them forever

Bite them, or lose the-

"Sam?"

Sam was suddenly jerked back into his body. The image in his mind fading to the back of his mind. He took stock of his body and felt his heart pounding on his rib cage and his arms wrapped tightly around Darlin's body. Too tight, he realised.

Another breath was forced into his chest and he did his best to relax.

"I'm sorry Darlin'. Did I wake you?"

"Kinda - I was having a nightmare that I was being strangled by a snake." They looked at one of his arm wrapped around them pointedly.

Sam pulled his arms back, but Darlin' grabbed onto one of his arms and wouldn't let him get to far.

"What's wrong?" they asked.

He shook his head and said "Oh, it was just a tense part of the movie"

Darlin' looked over the screen and watched Tim Curry suggesting the the rest of the party split up and spread out across the mansion.

"Yeah, shoulda warned you that Clue was a high stakes affair." They looked back to him "Really, what is it?"

Sam opened his mouth but no words came out. He shook his head and tried again.

"My mind's just running a mile a minute again. Thinking about stupid things."

Darlin' was silent. But he could feel their eyes boring into him, studying his face. Sam hoped that his face wouldn't betray how cut up he felt inside.

He heard them take a deep breath. "Can I help?"

"Oh Darlin'" he replied as a slow soft smile appeared on his face "You help just by sitting close to me"

The look on their face told him that he wasn't as believable as he thought. He listened to the voices from the TV as he considered his next words.

"I was thinking about talking to Alexis"

He knew he shocked them with that one. Their bulged eyes bored into his face trying to decipher what was going on in his mind.

'That little frown line has returned to their forehead' he mused.

"I just thought...enough time has passed. What's done is done. I don't want to be bitter forever. And I'm starting to think...what happened...was...tough...for her too...maybe..." He drifted off.

They both lapsed into silence. Eventually Darlin' reached over to the coffee table, grabbed the remote, and turned the TV off.

They were both still for a moment, before Darlin' turned to face Sam, opened their mouth...and nothing came out.

They snapped their mouth shut and scowled to themself. Then tried again.

"...I love you Sam"

Sam didn't think his heart could take much more of an emotional toll, and that statement from his beloved proved him correct as those 4 words nearly broke him.

He felt the tension leave his body as he gave into temptation and placed a small kiss to that adorable frown line on their forehead.

Resting his forehead on theirs, like he saw so often between members of the pack, he whispered "I love you so much Darlin'"

Tears blurred his vision as he felt their arms come around his neck.

They spent the evening like that. Wrapped up in each other's arms, Sam sobbing into their neck.

The question he needed to ask them remained unspoken.

He would speak to Alexis first. Hopefully he could find some peace with his turning, before he considered turning anybody else.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Any random five Hcs? Literally anything I’d settle for what color his socks are at this point lol

I interpreted this as general headcanons only about him. If you meant romantic headcanons, just let me know.

he always sleeps covered. He obviously isn't scared of anything, but there's something about having a blanket over his body that helps him doze off.

he's also a light sleeper except when he's drunk.

coffee doesn't alter his sleep either way. He has tried to see just how much caffeine he can tolerate and there must be something different with his metabolism, maybe due to his powers.

hates beige walls.

he's insanely picky about colors in general, but he actually avoids only wearing neutral-colored clothes even though he finds them convenient.

it's easy to know something's wrong because he sleeps with his socks on in case he has to leave somewhere in the middle of the night which is insane because he hates sleeping with socks on.

he's one of those people who complain about the forecast being wrong even though his day is never ruined by the weather.

he loves rain, especially spring rain, and the smell of wet dirt.

he has broken the same elbow twice and is extremely embarrassed about it, please don't bring it up.

doesn't know how to cook.

Five's good with children in the sense that they always like him so they follow his instructions.

he needs alone time every day and will take offense if somebody he appreciates or loves can't respect it, he feels like he can't be himself.

he's really into art and he tried to be pretentious at first like an edgy teen but he learned pretty quickly to see the beauty in every type of art and genre.

horror fan for sure. He loves slashers and likes to point out the things that don't make sense in the killing scenes for fun.

he's touch-starved and for the longest time assumed he hated physical touch because it made his skin crawl.

swears he doesn't have the patience for pets, but he's actually pretty good with animals.

going back to movies, he actually enjoys rom-coms but he's soooooo picky about them. He's a sucker for happy endings, but he draws the line at immature decisions in the third act.

he likes comedies in general and appreciates the genre like any other.

cinephile Five is precious, okay? He spent so much fucking time without any kind of emotional connection that he latches into art and movies are perfect for that.

he's a coffee snob, though. All the pretentiousness he left behind in regards to art has been channeled to coffee.

has like five or six different coffee machines. A espresso machine, a drip coffee machine, a french press, a v60, a moka pot, and a cold brew coffee maker he got as a gift on Christmas but barely uses because he doesn't have the patience to wait 12 hours for some coffee.

he's so fucking clingy when he's tired and/or drunk…

learning languages is pretty easy to him. He becomes fluent quickly.

he's not picky when it comes to music. He's more curious than anything about how genres came to be and he enjoys music in different languages, even ones he doesn't speak.

he enjoys driving around, listening to music. He sometimes stops to people-watch but tries to minimize it because it's creepy.

he feels lonely sometimes, even though he knows he isn't alone, he has his siblings. But he's different from them, they have things in common between them, memories they share that he just doesn't and it takes a toll on him.

it's not the kind of loneliness that consumes someone, it comes in bouts, and it usually leaves by morning, but he struggles a lot when it lingers.

so he's generally needy, in any kind of relationship; he needs reassurance, but he doesn't ask for it. People have to realize what's going on because he's too afraid of being a burden.

he eats frosted animal crackers when he's sad.

he watches documentaries in the middle of the night when he can't sleep and googles stuff when it sounds made up (it is most of the time).

he's trying to get into musicals as we speak!!!

[megamanrecut]

I was rereading season 1, which has been very fun, lots of details that stand out more with more context, but there's this one bit with Proto man that shows up more than once that's interesting.

In the first episode, Proto man tells Mega man that "Doc never got around to naming [him]... Too busy with his other inventions." Which is followed up a little during the Mega Pinocchio episode, with Proto man saying he's always been Proto (although not actually saying Dr. Light named him that, which turns out to be true), and when Mega man comments on that sounding a little cold, comments that Dr. Light is "Oblivious to details... I like Proto. It's better than Paaasd or something" (which lol)

Now that I've read the season 0 episode, it caught my eye that the name thing doesn't really get talked about there! Proto names himself very quickly, with no thought or fanfare behind it. Very fitting, but paired with the season 1 lines, I'm trying to puzzle out the incongruity of it (Proto you lying bastard why can't you be easier to understand!!!)

On one hand, if the subtle but present implication that Proto might feel bitter about his name is a retcon, it's one that I wouldn't have spotted if I hadn't reread season 0 recently. It's also just as likely that I'm reading into a set of lines that were just meant to be snarky, he definitely does that a lot too lol.

But I am curious if there's some level of truth to that sort of bitter undertone that I thought was implied! Proto man is a difficult character to understand, especially in season 1, and in general when trying to understand his feelings towards Dr. Light. Their relationship is so interesting to me, so sorry if I really did just read way too deep into it haha!

There was a slight perhaps retcon! (sorry this took awhile, limited internet access atm, also this is long/rambly lol)

I wrote season 0 waaay after season 1 (between Master of Disaster Part 2 and 3 to be exact) and in original s0 drafts, the naming thing didn’t happen as early, but when I finally began editing it that seemed unnecessarily weird/creepy for Dr. Light. So, instead the name thing came up on Proto’s activation day. Some of the emphasis around Proto’s name in S1 (particularly E1) was for dramatic irony.

So for character analysis:

Outside of that, still same deal with Dr. Light/Proto, just more focused on char divisions over specific, resolvable drama. The whole dynamic between Dr. Light and Proto has always been strained at best to total estrangement at its core, and sometimes painful to write. Dr. Light was never really in the wrong, Proto just developed into his own person that wanted nothing to do with ‘domestic human life’ or to have any type of authority figure. Its a huge philosophical difference, but its also a son who feels smothered and hopeless rejecting his loving father who tried his best to understand but could never make it work in time. That dynamic still exists, unsolved, in the good!Proto AUs (Master of Disaster Part 3, Become the Night)

Still, Proto isn’t really bitter by Dr. Light’s actions per se, he was just bitter about living under his roof where he was bored and under stimulated. Even Mega was surprised by this at first. In Mega-Pinocchio he was expecting a specific drama lead to Proto’s defection then was surprised when Proto also denied that Dr. Light really did anything wrong, and even reassured the naming thing didn’t bother him (I had already written the ‘naming’ scene in season 0, which remained unchanged, just happened earlier) It wasn’t until Future Shock when he began understanding Proto a little.

Either way tho, Proto wasn’t really bitter about his name (at least there was never intended bitter subtext there, but can be interpreted however!) I think in a way even if Dr. Light *had* given him a name (like Blues?) he would have been quick to drop that when he became Proto Man (kinda like how he thinks ‘Break Man’ is cringy in Become the Night or how Elec Man calling him ‘Light’ drives him nuts). He doesn’t really like the connection, and would prefer to have no name or a generic one over one picked for him by Dr. Light.

[qualityfartwerewolf]

All I need is for someone to listen!

@octobergrim @gnomethievery @sammysundog @motherpsyduck @bethisims

All I wanted was for someone to listen to me. To hear me out and actually understand how hard this is for me. I never meant to cause trouble I really didn't, I never did all this to be creepy, or a stalker, or to break anyone's boundaries. I just needed someone to listen, it didn't matter if you let me back or not if you guys have listened.

In normal circumstances (when I am not triggered or having a psychotic episode) I can actually be very kind, loving, and sweet, it's only when I'm going through an episode where I act crazy and say the weirdest, meanest, insufferable, hateful, terrifying, out of pocket shit! I shouldn't have to apologize for being mentally insane, but you guys deserve that just for all that my mental disorders put you through!

I mostly behave this way if I get triggered by something, or if someone says or does something that upsets me greatly, then I break off from it and I regret it later and I try to reach out to the people that I hurt to try and fix it.

Obviously, this behavior isn't normal, nothing about me is normal, do you guys think it's normal to have thoughts about gouging your own eyes out? Do you think it's normal to self-harm or think about blood pouring out of your eyes, or mouth? Those tweets I sent to Sam and Clare in May are indeed disturbing, but that doesn't hold a candle to what goes on inside my head. But to refresh your memories I have to say that:

I am NOT a threat to ANYONE. Except for myself! I went too far and I know I did. I still don't feel ready to move on yet.

I know I am hateful and I don't mean to be, some of the tweets I sent to other people were not based on race or gender or anything. I was angry, and I said horrible things without thinking when I was angry.

Not to mention Alcohol makes me impulsive and I just do stupid things and say stupid things like I did last night.

I also have a right to my own opinion, just because I am a woman doesn't mean I have to be a Democrat, I just don't agree with communism, that's it, I don't like communism and that's why I vote Republican, can't get more simple than that. (Yes I am a capitalist, I guess you can add that to your list of reasons to hate me lol) But what I like more than Capitalism and Communism is TRUE freedom.

I am Anti-Racism

I am Anti-Misogyny

I am Pro-LGBT

I am Anti-Ableist

I am Pro-Palestine

I am Anti-Communism

I am a conservative and a Christian, I wanted to break the stigma against people like me, but I did a poor job of doing that (I am ashamed of my behavior though, and I lash out because you guys paint me as a bad guy when I just want to fix things.)

I am not less of a feminist because I refuse to get an abortion and because I refuse to be a misandrist

I am not less of an LGBT ally just because I want to protect children

I am not Racist just because I got into an argument with a person of color, or because I'm white.

I am not ableist because I came up with ONE theory on why I might have autism (because no one in my family has it but me) and also because I used an offensive word ONCE and never again.

You guys are just judging a person on the internet that you don't know. We can still talk this out and work this out! Then I'd be more willing to leave you alone!

I didn't mean to start shit, the ban triggered a trauma response in me, then Pheobe died the next day. I just don't want to be abandoned again.

What I want more than anything else in this world is to fix things, I promise to not pull this shit again, and to stop drinking when I am depressed. Please, guys.

At least think about it.

[ravs6709]

First Birthdays- LJH & SYS (and mild Borijihye)

Word count: 1.9k words

Or read on ao3 here!

Orv women week fic except I'm way late. and also birthday fics for them because they were accounced (except that's even more late lol)!!! Anyways, this was for day 3 (lee jihye/shin yoosung and hope/pre-scenarios) where i decided to do a little bit of each of the prompts given

takes place during timeskip because ough my heart

Warnings: No warnings i think?

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Hey, hey, hey, Jihye,” Na Bori called out, shaking Lee Jihye’s arm.

She laughed. “What is it?”

“Let’s watch a movie.”

“Bori, we rewatched The Admiral last month—”

“Yeah, I know. You get to choose this time!”

She raised an eyebrow. “You? Willingly letting me pick a movie to watch? After what you said last time?”

“Yeah, even if it means we’re continuing from what you did last last time.”

She couldn’t hide her grin. “How did you know?”

“Well, we watched Whispering Corridors, and since that’s like, a whole series, of course you’d have us watch it all.”

“Wasn’t it so much fun?”

She knew that Na Bori didn’t do too well with creepy things, but she’d known her enough to know which aspects were okay or not. That being said, Na Bori being more comfortable did not stop her from being afraid. It was an excuse for Lee Jihye to tease her for being the crybaby for once. An excuse for Lee Jihye to hold her close, without making it seem too weird. Without making it seem like she had a crush.

(And on the occasion that Lee Jihye got scared, it only meant that they got to hold each other, and Na Bori would be too busy screaming to tease her back, hah!)

With the whole house to themselves—bless the break from school and her parents not being home—she was able to grab every blanket she could remember the location of. As she set up the space to make it cozy, Na Bori hunted the fridge for any snacks that they could eat.

Once that was all dealt with, they settled in their blanket pile. Despite all the space they had, Na Bori ended up half in her lap, not that Lee Jihye had any reason to complain. They ended up not paying too much attention to the movie, though, for the more scary parts that felt too real, they squeezed each other's hand.

Like this, Lee Jihye kind of almost felt like confessing. Na Bori already knew that she was into girls, and while she didn't know what Na Bori was into, but during the tragic moments between the two poor girls, she'd caught Na Bori looking up at her with a complex expression. Maybe she did feel the same. Maybe she was also afraid of changing their dynamic. Maybe she was scared of what came after, the movie was a little too real with that one.

"Jihye-yah," Na Bori said, looking back up at her again. The look in her eyes really did things to Lee Jihye's heart. "Happy birthday."

She smiled. "Thank you, Bori."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Hey, hey, hey, unnie," Shin Yoosung called out, shaking Lee Jihye's arm, snapping her out of her reverie.

"You brat, what do you want?" she asked, pulling her arm away.

"I was calling your name for like a whole minute," Shin Yoosung said. "Come help me clear a hidden scenario."

Usually, she was down for going into a scenario, they were difficult but they were a good distraction from everything going on.

(With the absence of Na Bori, and now that stupid ahjussi, the distraction was needed now more than ever.)

But today… today was different, and she knew that no amount of distractions would help.

"Unnie," Shin Yoosung groaned, pulling at her arm. 

This girl… she was so much more rude around her and Lee Gilyoung.

"That's not how you treat someone on their birthday," she grumbled.

It was only when Shin Yoosung froze that she realized exactly what she'd just said. Crap.

"It's your birthday?" Shin Yoosung asked, looking at her with a warmer gaze. "Unnie… I'm sorry."

Those sweet innocent eyes that were always directed to the adults were now being directed at her. She really shouldn't have said anything. "You didn't know, it's okay."

"I'm going to get you something," Shin Yoosung said, her mouth tightening into a determined line. "There was this scenario Sangah-unnie told me about. I wasn’t really paying much attention because I didn’t really care about the rewards, but I remember that she told me there was this sword as one of the reward options. She said that it was a good sword. Come with me, and I’ll earn it for you.

"You don't—"

"Let me do this for you, unnie," she said, and Lee Jihye was kind of shocked. Then again, this was the kind of person Shin Yoosung was. Her kindness wasn't an act, even if she did act more like a brat towards her.

"Fine," she decided. "When's your birthday, by the way?"

Shin Yoosung looked down.

"It already passed, didn't it."

She didn't say anything.

"Yoosung, when was it?"

"...December 24th."

Lee Jihye sucked in a breath. "That was quite a bit ago."

"It's okay! I don't mind!"

She probably didn't say anything for the same reason Lee Jihye hadn't intended to say anything—to not make a fuss when everyone was so busy in this apocalypse. But… something about that statement made her think that the kid had said that kind of thing before, even in the past. Maybe she didn't really celebrate her birthday before the scenarios.

Lee Jihye wasn't going to pry. Not when she looked that down. She wasn’t great with social cues (Lee Jihye was outgoing, yeah, but she never really was that smart) but even she knew not to pry.

“What’s the difficulty?”

“It’s only an A.”

Lee Jihye tried to remember any other hidden scenarios that could be good, but she blanked on any that could give a reward that Shin Yoosung would want. “Let’s clear it up fast, okay? We’ll take a break and in the evening we’ll go to one that you wanted to go to.”

“Unnie—”

“I’m telling Sangah unnie and Heewon unnie that you kept your birthday a secret, then.”

Shin Yoosung’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t—” then she frowned before Lee Jihye could grin at her, “—actually, you would. You— you—” her mouth shut and she turned away with a huff.

“You gonna finish that sentence???”

•~•~•~•~•~•

Between the two of them, the scenario wasn’t that hard. Shin Yoosung’s taming skill came in handy and Lee Jihye could easily kill off whatever couldn’t be tamed. It was a little quieter, probably because Lee Gilyoung wasn’t with them for all of them to bicker like crazy, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She almost wished that he was here with them, because the quiet was too much.

"Here you go unnie!" Shin Yoosung said proudly, holding the new sword to her. "Happy birthday!"

Lee Jihye smiled. "Thanks, Yoosung."

The scenario wasn't that hard, but it was still kind of tiring, so she did some cool down stretches while Shin Yoosung laid on a rock nearby her, looking up.

"Hey, unnie? Can I ask you a question?" Shin Yoosung's voice was serious and quiet, so Lee Jihye turned to look at her in concern.

"What is it?"

"...am I allowed to ask why you looked so sad, earlier?" At Lee Jihye's sharp intake of breath, she continued, "You don't have to answer."

"My birthdays were… fun," Lee Jihye said, looking away. "They weren't grand, but the last birthday I had, I was really, really happy. I miss those times. I wish they were still here.”

“Your family?”

“Family, friends.”

“Oh… tell me about your last birthday.”

“The night before, my best friend Bori came over to my house.” She nearly said crush but Na Bori was definitely her best friend, and saying crush felt like it’d make things sound even more painful to Shin Yoosung. “We watched a movie together, stayed up late because we didn’t have school. She gave me a tassel as a gift.”

“The one on your sword?”

Lee Jihye smiled sadly. “Yeah.”

“...do you know how she died?”

She sighed. “We were in class when the scenarios started. She let me kill her so I could live.”

She couldn’t see Shin Yoosung’s face as she still wasn’t looking, but she could hear her quiet “...oh.” And then, “She was a good person, making sure you lived. She must have loved you.”

Lee Jihye nodded. “She was.” And while she couldn’t be sure whether Shin Yoosung meant love in a platonic or romantic form, she knew one thing for sure: “She did.”

“I’m glad you’re here, unnie.”

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Wait a moment, unnie, how did you manage to blackmail me into giving me a gift when you’re also hiding your birthday from the others?”

Lee Jihye grinned, holding out a headband that was said to help the tamer mentally. “Considering you think you’re the brains between the two of us, I’m surprised you didn’t think of that sooner. Secret for a secret, gift for a gift.”

“That’s fair.” Shin Yoosung took the headband and put it on. “Thank you.”

“So what about your birthdays?” Lee Jihye asked. “What were they like?”

“I did ask about yours… okay, fine. I never really had them,” she said, confirming Lee Jihye’s suspicions. “We moved around a lot, so I didn’t have parties or many people to invite. My last birthday, my parents got a dog for me. He was cute.”

Lee Jihye didn’t say anything, catching on to the word “was”.

“...I killed him in the first scenario.”

“You’re like me, then,” she blurted, then winced when Shin Yoosung stared at her.

“I guess I am,” she replied. “I miss him.”

“I miss her too. He was probably okay with you killing him. I used to find all these stories all over the internet about dogs fighting things ten times their size, or going into fires, and all that, just to save their owners. He probably would have done anything to save you.”

“Doesn’t that remind you of someone?” Shin Yoosung asked, eyes looking down at the floor.

Of course, Lee Jihye had mostly been thinking of Na Bori, but there was someone else who would do the exact same thing. Go up to a god that couldn’t be killed just to save his companions. Lee Jihye kicked a pebble on the ground.

“Do you think it’ll end soon?” Shin Yoosung asked, her voice quiet and weak.

“I don’t know,” Lee Jihye replied, because she wasn’t that good at comforting people. “With the way Master is, I don’t think so.”

“Do you think ahjussi will come back?”

“That stupid ahjussi needs to come back,” she grumbled. “He better come back before your next birthday. He missed it.”

“So did everyone else, technically,” Shin Yoosung argued. “But… I hope so too. That would be the best birthday gift.”

It would be a good gift…

“On your next birthday, I’m stealing Sooyoung unnie’s car and I’m gonna drive you around in it,” Lee Jihye decided. “Road trip. Use those guns it has and just cruise around.”

“Unnie, you’re not even old enough for a license.”

“I’ll be old enough two months after!”

“You can’t drive a car.”

“I’ll figure it out!”

“Sooyoung unnie is going to kill you.”

Lee Jihye grinned and shrugged. “She’ll understand.”

Small stuff like that, Lee Jihye figured as she watched Shin Yoosung snort, were important to live through the scenarios. Small stuff like that to give off hope. She hoped it’d be enough.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Orv taglist: @subrosasteath

Want to be added/removed from the orv taglist? Just let me know!

[interlagosed]

I've never quite got the Carlos is jealous trope any more than I get the Lando is selfish trope. It's like people assigned those characteristics to them because they made a good story & now people think they're canon traits. Carlos can be a truly terrible loser at times (I adore him but even I have to admit that's true, I still think of him getting progressively more cross & sulky in that Beer Battleships thing McLaren did when he kept losing lol) but I've never see a sign of jealousy from him

I had to hop on my laptop for this because I have a lot of feelings about this. TW: Discussion of abuse, toxic behaviors, etc.

Okay, so, I'm in my mid-late 20s, which means I was in middle and high school when Twilight came out. This will become relevant shortly, I promise.

I feel a lot of people associate masculinity with jealousy and possessiveness. Men in romance stories act aloof until Something Happens and then suddenly it's like I WILL KILL FOR YOU and that's seen as being sexy and desirable. Men who take charge, take control, love so hard it's too much to bear, "I cannot love you because I will become a monster!" etc, etc, have been the romantic ideal for a while. Alternatively, "only protagonist can tame me!" rakes, but even still the turning-point tends to be possessiveness borne of jealousy. Worst manifestation: "If I can't have you, no one can!"

A lot of this was brought to bear in the YA I grew up being surrounded by, some I read myself. The trope-y love triangle: the loyal golden retriever or the dark and cynical one? Which will protagonist choose!! Twilight, the Hunger Games, etc. I spent a lot of my early teen years on tumblr in the very bosom of social justice, and so I learnt a vocabulary early on for WHY I was so unsettled by Twilight. And it wasn't "oh other girls like it so I hate it" - fuck that - it was: this is unhealthy. This is toxic. This is only reinforcing stereotypes that uphold the patriarchy and hurt women.

Eventually, the pendulum swung. People started actively interrogating these tropes. It was a huge relief; critical analyses of the Twilight books and movies helped a lot of people who were young when they read Twilight and similar books unpack tropes. "Oh that's so hot!" became "Actually, that's creepy." People started sharing stories of what it's like to ACTUALLY date the Dark And Cynical trope. I myself, unfortunately, was in a very abusive relationship with a man who actively adopted that personality, and that is DESPITE THE FACT that I grew up with the vernacular! Was MEANT to be sensitive to it! But that's the nature of such men: they seem interesting and desirable and when they pay attention to you, you forget all the red flags you grew up trying to internalize (if you did).

What does that have to do with fanfiction? Specifically, it has everything to do with m/m fics, and the people who write those fics. Most of us aren't men who love men. I am bisexual, but I don't have male sexual organs, so I haven't personally experienced that sex. That's true for a lot of people who write fics. And so what happens? Naturally, you project your own experiences. The "top" takes on masculine features, the "bottom" feminine features (seme/uke, my god), and what do those features look like?

They look like what you think a man should be. They look like what you think a woman should be.

And so, the top takes on the tropes. Jealousy and possessiveness. Triggered when the bottom slips through their fingers after assumed disinterest.

But we disabused ourselves of those notions, right?

If the pendulum swings one way, it swings back eventually.

I spend a lot of time on Book Tok (the part of tik tok where you discuss books, specifically romance novels), and I can tell that the lessons we learnt from Twilight are either fading or lost, and I find myself wondering if we learnt those lessons in the first place. In fact, it feels like Twilight is experiencing a renaissance! Which makes me ask: did we ever actually believe men with those characteristics are unhealthy and toxic? Because the types of men I see glorified again are filled with those tropes in spades. Just today, I saw a TikTok where someone was talking about how they acted out with their boyfriend and were upset their boyfriend didn't pin them to a wall and fuck them into submission while choking them like in their romance novels.

What?

There's a place for power play in sex. Of course there is. I like having my hair pulled. I like being spanked. But that's when my husband and I negotiate that, and I ask for it. We talk about what we want out of sex. And I am comfortable with asking for these things because I know, fundamentally, my husband respects me. He loves me. He wants me to enjoy myself during sex and be happy afterwards.

My ex was rough with me too. And it took me a long time to figure out what I liked because I liked it, versus what I liked because he told me I liked it.

How we write fanfiction is a reflection of how we see the world. How we write M/M as NON-men is STILL reflective of how we see relationships. And so when I see "Carlos is jealous and possessive," what I see is the reification of that trope. It makes me uncomfortable, not just because that's incongruent with how I've seen Carlos' personality in real life, but because it is a reflection of What Masculine Men Should Be Like.

I reject that.

[abeautifulblog]

Ask inspired by your “scene the author envisions” post - do you have any tips for building a particular atmosphere in a scene?

That is an EXCELLENT question—I'm just not sure I have a good answer for you. 😅

When it comes to getting the scene on the page to match the scene in your head, my general advice is slow revisions. Write your first draft, put it aside for a week, give your brain time to reset, and then when you come back and reread it, it'll be hitting you like it's new. Clunky and/or cringey turns of phrase will jump out at you, and you can discreetly cut them before anyone else has to see your shame. You'll also be able to tell whether the atmosphere is coming across the way you envisioned it, or whether the prose is very facts-&-action oriented.

Do your revisions, put it down for another week, rinse and repeat, until you can reread it without feeling the need to change anything. That is gremble's method for self-editing. 👍

As for how to build atmosphere... hm. I'm not sure I have a conscious approach to it.

I don't think of myself as a particularly atmospheric writer, though that might just be a matter of comparison—because my formative literary influence was Anne Rice and she is ALL ABOUT atmosphere, atmosphere and vibes are what carry her books.

And there are definitely echoes of her influence in my writing, but as I developed my own style, I wound up being more about story and emotional development, and less about atmosphere than Anne Rice. (She does high-key emotion too, but her characters tend to be very static.) When I write, the setting of a scene is usually value-neutral—it's not contributing to the emotional tone one way or the other.

...But sometimes it is. The three most intensely atmospheric examples from my own work that are coming to mind are:

The battlements scene in chapter six of For the Asking (soft and dreamy and intimate)

The catacombs sequence in Song of Selfish Hearts (horror, sterile and creepy)

“This House Just Sings (This House Just Screams)” in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (psychological horror, oppressive menace)

All three were meant to be high-atmosphere; I knew when I was writing them that they wouldn't land unless the vibes came across, and so I was ramping that up deliberately. And I'm satisfied with the results, though I would have to pick them apart individually to figure out how exactly I achieved that. o_O Maybe I will someday.

idk man, just find authors you admire and reread them a lot, and try to figure out what it is about their writing that makes it hit so hard. Early Anne Rice (Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, and Queen of the Damned) is a masterclass in atmosphere; Sarah Monette's short story collections Somewhere Beneath These Waves and The Bone Key are excellently atmospheric; Karin Lowachee's space operas (Warchild, Burndive, Cagebird) aren't so much about the physical locales, but she builds psychological oppression like a champ. Ditto to the slow, claustrophobic build in Jacqueline Carey's Santa Olivia.

All of those are books I admired immensely, and have reread with an eye toward figuring out how they did it. (lol fuckin' Lowachee though, she is too good, I can't read more than a page before I'm sucked back in emotionally, and rendered incapable of analysis. She is also one of the writers who taught me that less is so, so much more when it comes to writing abuse and its aftermath.)

(Those books are also all really queer, if that sweetens the pot. ;D)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #138

What was the last heavy thing you lifted? By MY unhealthy standards, a small toolbox. I rode with Mom to Nicole's house to fix her sink, and it's what Mom brought along and she needed help carrying things inside (we brought our dog with us, so she had to take her carrier).

Is July an important month for you? My sister Katie was born on the 4th actually, but generally, no. I honestly hate July, it's too fucking hot.

If someone looked inside your mind right now, what would they find? honestly right now they probably wouldn't know what the fuck they're looking at lmfao

Are you good at reading body language? I'm honestly probably hyper-observant of it, to where I see meanings that aren't actually there.

Do you have an anchor tattoo? Would you ever get one? No to both.

What is something that is creepy to you? Facebook/socials stalking people you like came to my mind, idk that's just going too far to me. Like sure if you meet someone you're interested in and want a bit more info, hell, it's probably even safe to check things out once, but digging for miles and checking obsessively just isn't healthy imo.

What do you need right now? I thought about it, but I don't wanna go here right now.

What do you consider to be cruel? Besides the extremely obvious things that basically everyone can agree on, trophy hunting. Like I immediately hate your fucking guts if you go out and murder a living creature going about its peaceful life JUST for the fun of it and to mount their dead heads on your walls and shit. Hunting for food doesn't bother me (like, that deer you killed almost ABSOLUTELY had a better life than the countless livestock forced into nightmarish existences that we accept as "normal"), but even then, I think it should be done solemnly and without gloating, and immense gratefulness for that animal's completely unwilling sacrifice.

Do you love to daydream? Yes, probably to a fault.

What’s your favorite shade of yellow? I'm really not a big fan of yellow, it's one of my least favorite colors, but I guess I'll go with amber, that I do like.

Has anyone told you to calm down recently? lol no, I think the people who know me know that it's not that fucking simple, and I would get legitimately pissed off if someone said this to me as someone with chronic, severe anxiety problems.

When did you last panic? I don't want to talk about this.

Are you currently tired? Yes. I got just about no fucking sleep last night and it really pisses me off because I was going to help Mom with the kids today, especially because Ryder gets really disappointed when I'm not there and I already wasn't last week, but there was no way in hell I was getting up early enough this morning. I just texted my mom at like, 2 AM or some shit telling her to let me sleep.

What helps you get by? My mom, Girt, Mazzy, Tez, Girt's family and to some extent mine, medication, therapy, creative expression, being stubborn.

When did you last wear a mask? It's been a few weeks, most places I go to now have stopped mandating it.

Does it hurt you when others are rude for no reason? Yes, because I'm sensitive as shit.

If you could say anything to your father right now, what would it be? WOW what timing, I just messaged him happy birthday lol but I'd love to tell him that in person.

What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven? Probably around like, 75mph accidentally on the highway.

When did it last rain? Today; it's been going on and off. It was absolutely pouring earlier.

Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Like 6 or so times, but never for physical issues, just mental. I woulda preferred the physical shit.

Has anyone blamed you for something you didn’t do? I don't know if she meant for it to come across as straight-up blame, but it absolutely did: in the message Sara sent me after I cut our friendship off, she decided it was a great idea to phrase herself VERY MUCH SO in a way that makes it sound like she blamed me for almost attempting suicide. Don't get me FUCKING started on this topic, I take exactly 0% fault for shit that she decides to do when it's not like I fucking bullied her or something, but I still think about it sometimes anyway.

How much is gasoline where you are? I haven't been paying attention, but a google search tells me the cheapest right now in my county is $3.27.

How are you doing today? Not great, but way more numb today than I've been the past few.

What is the last song you listened to in a car? It was "Zeig dich" by Rammstein. I'm surprised I remember, I generally don't when surveys ask this, lol.

Do you currently feel calm? No.

Are you good at making new friends? No, I'm too shy. It's easier online, but I still don't like reaching out.

Are there any important things happening this week? Sunday my sisters and I are having lunch with Dad and his wife for his birthday, and I also obviously have PT this week, and I think therapy (thank fucking god) too.

If comfortable answering, have you or would you ever be admitted into a mental hospital? Already said earlier that I have been, but the last part of this question is very inaccurate and misleading; involuntary commitment exists and has happened to me, like you don't GET to choose. You can get a lawyer to shorten your stay, but you're going to the mental hospital anyway.

What’s a color you think is underrated? Uh... I don't really know. OH, maybe green, like nature-y shades? I think green's a less popular color, but the shades that remind you of being outside, like mossy, seafoam, or forest greens, c'mon, they're fantastic.

Would you rather never be sick again or be rich? uh, BE RICH???????? Do you know how much good that would do?????????????

When did you last hear thunder? Today.

What all have you put in the trash today? Uh the lid that seals the top of the meal replacement shakes I drink, but the bottle itself went in the recycling bin, and I also put cans of the flavored water I drink in there.

Do you enjoy blueberry muffins? omg yes, I LOVE these.

What’s something you will never forget? The night of the breakup with Jason.

What’s the most bitter pill you’ve ever taken? Uh I'm just gonna take this literally, in which case I think Lamictal, a med I was on for a long time. It's a big pill and it regularly would hit the roof of my mouth, and on god when that shit happens, you want to DIE afterwards because of the taste it leaves.

What is a popular TV show or movie that you do not like? Years ago, Girt and I watched the original three Star Wars movies, and neither of us got the appeal like, at all. Whatsoever. Unrelated to my opinion of the films but do y'all know how SHOCKED I was to hear Yoda's voice for the first time like THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? I don't share information like this man anyway literally yesterday

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? Shockingly, I don't like energy drinks; they're just way too sweet for me, and when a drink is too sweet for ME, that says something.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? Maybe someday, idk.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Yeah sure, idc. We live in an area where black bears exist, but they are VERY rare to see in this county.

What’s your biggest priority right now? Honestly I kinda think getting a job has officially outrun my attention to improving my mental health. Maybe. Idk. I'm just desperate.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? Well, because I was only ever in the ER overnight for suicidal reasons, my options were extremely limited; I was only sometimes allowed a book, and it had to be approved by the staff. Usually I just slept, or tried to anyway, because their beds are ABSOLUTE and utter shit. They really need to give you more options, like the most insane I've ever felt was during those long ER stays where I was just kept in this small room with nothing to do like some neglected animal. It does NOT help your mental state; it only ever made it worse.

Are your hands unsteady? Yeah, I have what's called essential tremors. I feel like they've improved, though, especially the less medicated I am.

Do you think you’re pretty? No. It's insane, I've always thought of myself as ugly, since literal childhood, but where I am now in life, I'd give anything to look like how I did as a teenager again.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? This was accidentally the case with Jason; I thought he was a different Jason that I actually did somewhat know. Y'know I never asked how he ever even found my name + account lol, according to him he just saw me in the school hall one day and was immediately like "yup I need to know her," lol wish you hadn't bro

Who’s the last guy you texted? My dad.

Who do you know that wears the most makeup? Probably my friend Summer, but I want to make it abundantly clear that this should not be seen as a bad thing. She's a very talented cosmetologist and makeup just makes her happy.

Have you ever been tied up? No.

Are you anyone’s first love? I don't know. I used to think that was the case with Sara, but to be honest, I don't think she really romantically loved me.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? By middle school, we had different teachers for each subject, so.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Girt.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? I'm certain Jason did and I'm pretty sure Girt has.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I prefer that boys/men do whatever the fuck they want with their own body, I literally have no opinion. People who treat body hair like it's disgusting and/or uncleanly are due to grow the fuck up.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? She knows I've done things, but what those "things" are I've never shared. She knows I'm a virgin + why.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? LMAO YES, Girt and I do this so much and were last night too.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? No.

When was the last time you went to an ice cream parlor? What kind of ice cream did you get? Oh wow you just unlocked a memory I forgot I had, it woulda been when I visited Sara, I think the last time. Her dad took us and I think her youngest brother to this local place that they love, despite it being fucking freezing lol, but it's never too cold for ice cream. I don't remember what I got, but they had a ginormous amount of options to mix together.

Did you go to school with anyone named Ashley? What was that person like? Well in high school my older sister Ashley was briefly there while I was, and back then she was very independent, studious, ambitious, but also very reclusive; she didn't leave her room a lot and when she did, it was usually to go somewhere. Back then she was also the kind that couldn't leave the house without makeup, and it always broke my heart, like my sister has always been gorgeous. Thankfully she's WAY past that now.

What color is the vehicle that you travel in most often? White.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? When was the last time you saw them? I have a shitload if you include my half-siblings, but I only regularly see Ashley's three kids. I saw them like... two weeks ago? I have a nephew by my brother that I haven't met yet, which sucks. Actually Katie also has a kid or maybe even two that I haven't met. Your family being strewn about all over the country fucking sucks.

Do you know the story of how your grandparents met? No, for neither pair of them.

Do you have a relative or close friend named Peter? When was the last time you saw that person? I actually don't think I know a single Peter.

Have you ever had an ex who wanted to get back together? What did you say to them? Well, I guess Girt. He said yes when I asked him back out, so he was obviously up for it.

[gibbingtonwibbington]

Multiple story time:

Listening to your music made me super duper sad when I was sick cuz I couldn’t breathe and probably because I couldn’t sing along. I can mimic your voice probably the best out of any mimic singing I do. It’s just THAT WAY. I don’t know why, sometimes it’s kinda creepy. I’m not about to sing along in like…. Opera style. Unless you had some opera type music of course lol. Lyyyyyke, I wouldn’t sing like Frank Sinatra if I was singing along to a Britney Spears song ya kno. Hmm… that actually sounds like a super fuckn awesome combo though. 🧐 hm…

I was actually getting REALLY fuckin pissed after my natural, bored, monotone, robotic-sounding speaking voice came back. Yes I am aware that when I am bored, it is annoyingly obvious. Haha. BUT still, !GONE! was my loud and beloved shrill-squeak “Gibby voice”. The Gibby voice is just an adjustment of my ‘Courtney is really excited’ voice. Going further back, as I’ve said before (because I definitely repeat myself on here for the purpose of releasing repetitive, maddening energies)…the Gibby voice is originally a toned down derivative of *THE* Penny voice. However, not NEARLY as loud. Penny was VERY loud. Penny was definitely my loudest character voice EVER…and that’s pretty fuckin loud, man. I gta show you Penny. I can’t believe I haven’t taken a photo of her and shown you yet. Wow. My entire family, especially my aunt Nancy and my mom, STILL fkn talk about Penny and how gdamn loud she was. When I was a kid, doing my pretend Penny talking, they would say things like “Penny is quite loud for this time of night. I think Penny needs to go to bed.” Hahaha. I just drooled cranberry juice laughing. I got cranberry juice on my favorite white comforter!!! Nooo!!! Fuck, hold on a sec…

Okay I’m back. They also STILL use a bunch of funny quotes from things that I or Penny said in all seriousness, when I was just a kid. I’ll have to ask them which ones they remember and write them down. There are many..& they are more adult-sounding than something that came from the mouth of a five year old. I’ve always been crazy. Who cares.

They also still laugh about the time at Watercountry, when I started with some huge, fat-muscled, bald, biker dude w a Hell’s Angels tattoo. Started w him at the lazy river, over an inner tube that I was reaching for first. That dirty, dirty , kid piss-filled place. Ugh. Anyway, I mean, this guy SAW that I almost had it. Plus, I was super young and wanted to be with my cousin, not ALONE sitting in a huge fuckin tube that I could barely move in, in order to catch up w her. Like wtf dude. So I got pissed when he just grabbed it and didn’t give it to me. I even remember that this guy was fuckin by himself. Like ..DA FUK?! So I grabbed the tube out of his hands and gave him a “really dude?” kind of child mean mug. My mom said that he looked at her and my aunt like “Yo, your fucking kid has some nerve to do that to ME.” So they look at each other n then looked at him like “🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know man, I didn’t do it…I didn’t birth her.” haha.

“I didn’t birth her, I just bought her.” Bahahaha. 😏 N I was candidly, off and relaxing in MYYY goddamn inner tube.

😎

Rewind for a second, I hate the spelling of the word squeak too.. remember my minor bitch fit over the word “tweak” not having two Es? Same animal here. Even Jillian Jigz HATED tweak not having two es and she’s a grammar tyrant. She even spelled it with two Es. Mostly because that word for us meant something on a whole other level, kind of making it a whole different word. I suck at spelling sometimes. Most words I have misspelled were either done on purpose… or I was braindead at the moment. My entire self likes to fly around in the atmosphere by myself sometimes. Oh yeah, or if I’m using speak type, it likes to use the wrong word entirely. The new download for my shit iPhone, my spell check and my speaky typey was absolutely at a disconnect with life…& my soul. It’s getting much better now. Definitely learning my way of talking muuuuuch better. If my speak type was a real human, it would have already hung itself from a rafter.

Speaking of my flying around in the atmosphere and day dreaming. Once at the end of the year, one of my teachers told us all to stand at the blackboard (yes it was actually still a blackboard) …actually it was a super vintage green board. Yup, chalk. I don’t know why it was green but that specific section of the school was complete with fantastically-rusted 60s hardware and appliances. So, standing in front of our decked out 60’s style accommodated classroom, this teacher went and sat at every person’s desk, mocking aka doing his best impression of each person in the class. IAs soon as I knew what his plan was I was thinking… oh no….😬. But when he got to me, he just sat there and stared out the window. I would always just sit there and stare out the window at the two huge maple trees that blew so pretty pretty in the wind. The school was on top of a huge hill, so they were always dancing. Wachusett was HUGE and now, it’s even bigger. Sometimes you couldn’t even get to class in time because five minutes wasn’t long enough to beat the traffic to your next class. This fucking math teacher that used to drool and spit and have fun with the sides of her mouth had menopause and would open the windows in winter. She was such a bitch about it and said if we didn’t bring a jacket then tough cookies we wouldn’t be able to go get it. Nobody was able to go get their jacket in between classes, it was impossible. She probably knew this and did it on purpose and said that on purpose because she was a fucking client I’ve been looking for her online for years to send her awful messages and I can’t find her ass. I’m not even joking. I already sent one of my math teachers messages about how much he’s basically a piece of shit. Everyone hated her. She drooled on one of my homework pieces one time and I circled it and I wrote Mrs. Tolis drooled on this” and purposely passed it in. This is the same teacher that grabbed Julian‘s homework off of my desk that I was making for her and crumbled it up and threw it in the trash because on the back of it I was drawing a picture of her being rabbit and drooling like a dog. I don’t know if she saw it or not but I hope she did. Before she could walk away I grabbed it back and then the whole classroom gasped and then she grabbed it back from me. It’s like bitch that’s someone’s homework.. TF?! She almost got fired one year cuz, funny enough Meredith, the nose flarer’s sister told us she taught the wrong material for a complete semester. Good times. They ripped outcthe best parts of the school and made it ugly and boring. There was this huge glass staircase at the front of the school. A shit load of people fell down that thing many times but who cares it was so cool. Now it’s gone the year after we graduated in 2003 they ripped out everything and redid the parts they ripped out. Now it looks stupid. my other favorite part of the school was the incredibly creepy gymnasium in the back. There were two gymnasiums in the front and then one down a really narrow creepy hallway which had other hallways that led to it that were never lit. The downstairs bathroom was creepy too.. because you had to use another long narrow creepy hallway that was never lit to get to it. Then there was a few really weird classrooms down in the basement where that lone bathroom was, that had tables and desks and chairs all toppled all over each other in it and they didn’t use either of them. They could’ve totally used that for so much stuff but for some odd reason they didn’t use it. I bet somebody got killed in there or something and they didn’t want to use it. So they kept throwing old broken shit on top of the last old broken shit that they threw in there. It looks like a wood bonfire except it was old metal chairs and desks. Shit’s probably haunted or something. Lol. It looked like a perfect place for a haunted, abandoned school horror movie or somethin. It was awesome. They bulldozed ALL of that away. That’s some despicable bs I tell you. We were the last year students to use it which was weird.

Even in middle school we had this really old hallway for the seventh and eighth grade wing. We were the last grade to use that old shit too, so they let us draw pictures and write all over it. Of course a ton of people just wrote a bunch of shit about other people and people got in trouble. My friend Joe had the most pink slips out of anybody in our grade & probably out of any grade that has ever been there. It was over 40 I think it was like 45 or something actually I’m gonna ask him because it might’ve even been in the 50s. At one point in time he didn’t give a shit and he purposely kept trying to get pink slips to see how many he could get by the end of 8th grade, the last year we were there. Eighth grade isn’t always the last year out of school. West Boylston school had the middle school wings connected to the high school wings..because it was so small. They never gave homework and it was the easiest shit ever it was like retard school. Anyway I love to change subjects it’s fine. Anyway, A lot of his pink slips were for really stupid shit. Like, talking. “Oh no! He spoke again! Send him down to the principal!”

There was this one time in 8th grade Spanish class when I said something funny outloud, I don’t remember what I said but he could not stop laughing and had to go in the hallway. Every time he came back in after he was done laughing, I would look at him and he would just start laughing n had to go back in the hallway. Fuckin Joe, good times man, gooooood, good fuckin times.

Speaking of that specific Spanish class…the teacher, Mrs. Scarcella, would always say “AAAAHORA!” aka “Noooow…” At LEAST ten times before moving on to the next subject during EVERY freaking class. She’d flare out her nostrils and would say it the exact same way every damn time, unnecessarily. So the one time when she actually had us do something remotely interesting for a project grade, Jigz & I got a bunch of the girls we could tolerate, together to do this Spanish skit. We had to make a fake weather report or some shit and do the whole thing in Spanish (obviously) and every person had to do something different, but it all had to be weather reports. Fuckin stupid idea, there’s only one weather report during the news. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We all thought it was stupid so we basically just used the skit for the purpose of mocking our obnoxious and bitchy teacher. So before everyone’s skit we all said “AAAAHORA!” . I already felt disgusting about how I looked at the time so I refused to flare my nostrils like the teacher. I’m laughing this is funny, but this girl Meredith flared her nostrils like I’ve never seen before in my life and I’m still fuckn happy about it.

Fuck I just erased a whole paragraph. Anyway…For my skit I chose to mock that new twister movie at the time. So I was on crutches and pretended I got hit by the cow that was flying through the air.. I was sitting in Jill’s basement on a very old push-up type of work out table. I don’t know what it’s fucking called but you know those tables that people lay down on and push the weights up and then it comes down on those little forks or whatever. I was sitting on one of those things with crutches and laughing my ass off because Jill was being insane behind the camera. It was all so frickin insane that I literally fucking pissed my pants cuz I was laughing that hard. I legit pissed myself at the end of my skit so I was hobbling out of the scene when I was done…to get away, because I basically pissed myself on camera. Oh my god.  my cousin used to make me laugh so hard when I was a kid I always had to bring changes of underwear when I went over her house because it was just insane. But as I got older that happened much less, mostly because life sucked way more as it usually does when we get older. But yeah that time I absolutely pissed myself laughing and I couldn’t believe it which made me laugh even harder. So, we kept it…we kept it in the skit… because I didn’t wanna do it again. So there is a VHS tape somewhere where I am legit pissing my pants and fake hobbling away on crutches, while barely being able to breathe. Good times.

No, not done. Jillian chose rain. So I had a hose and I was trying to spray it up, putting my thumb over the hole to make it spray outwards, but it ended up spraying her directly in the face. She used liquid eyeliner at the time, so she had blackness just dripping everywhere down her face. The whole scene was of her outside in her driveway screaming “Está lloviendo!” over and over again. She couldn’t breathe either, due to me spraying her directly in the face. It was far away enough where it didn’t hurt her, but it was completely right in her face. We also kept that take, we didn’t redo that either.

Now, aka AAHORA! The most glorious part of the entire skit…the metronome. Jill had this antique metronome on top of her antique piano, that we set to a very slow tempo to put in a scene between every person’s skit. But it wasn’t just the metronome-meeheeeeee-we all were standing in a line, in the back of her living room table, while the metronome was in the forefront, slowly ticking away, as our heads and our pigtails bounced slowly from side to side matching the metronome lever. We did that EVERY time, in between every person’s skit. I believe there were seven of us. Jillian, myself, Melissa(cunt) Michelle (got pregnant at 15, has five kids and still is w the same guy. Fuckin BRAvO to her man. She gets some serious Courtney brownie points), Christina (cried at the roller rink because she couldn’t skate and we didn’t skate with her. But to be fair it was physically impossible for us to skate that slow)……and last but surely not least, wonderful Meredith, the professional nose flarer. So when we passed in the VHS tape, with the written version of it, we got it back with the grade and a comment which said “Very awkward.” We also watched ALL skits during class one day. We had a bunch of nutjobs in that class. I remember some kid Cody I was crushing on, in his skit he was pretending to be Yoda and had a big sweatshirt over his knees and was like walking around on his knees at Andrew (hotdogcunt’s) house. Nope, not done….The most awkward skit of all, wasn’t meant to be awkward. It was some really bizarre skit made by this other Andrew kid, just wrestling other boys in our grade and had the most obvious boner happening throughout the entire skit. The sweatpants he was always free-balled in made it ten times more obvious. I remember everyone was laughing at all the ridiculous skits until we got to his. Then, fuckin dead silence and looks around the room like…what-the-fuck Andrew#2?! Everybody was looking at everybody else however none of us could look him in the fucking face.  some of us couldn’t look at him ever again, like myself for one. It’s like… “hmm, hey Andrew #2, Did you forget to uhmm.. proof-watch this shit before passing it in?” He was always a weird kid though. Not the fun or funny type of weird either. Just the corny yet pretentious loser type of weird. I will throw him a bone though (no pun intended) and will say, maybe he had a crush on the teacher and knew about it the whole time. Passing it in not knowing the whole class would ALSO be watching it. Really though, I have no idea, maybe he thought the teacher would be impressed with his boner and his wrestling skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️