#that i consider close friends support me for this-- somehow i still

[snifferish]

Never in my life did I think that re-tweeting resources for SA, and supporting victims would be considered problematic or performative.

I should not have to bare this, but I'm going to tell just one of my stories, because I need you to understand where I'm coming from. TW // Sexual Harassment

--

When I was 15, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I wanted to avoid using the pain medication they prescribed. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, medications and substances made it worse.

However, my surgery was for impacted teeth, and only two days in one of my stitches fell out. I was in so much pain, and couldn't eat solids w/ out pain for up to three weeks.

So, a week into my recovery, one of my friends invites me to their house. They were having our friend group over, it was just a little bonfire get together kinda thing. I took my pain meds a few hours prior, and only half a dose, but I was out of it to some degree, and somehow still in pain.

I was sitting on a lawn chair outside, when one of my close friends came over and asked to sit on my lap. Honestly, I said yes at first, because this was my childhood friend, someone I trusted, and I thought our relationship was incredibly platonic. Then he started to shift/grind about in my lap, and I started to feel things of theirs I did not want to. They made a noise that deeply unsettled me, and I told him to get off, they didn't. It was only when I told them that he accidently triggered the emergency call shortcut on my phone (it was in the pocket of the lawn chair, yes they were moving that much and I was moving trying to push him off) that he finally got up.

I was bewildered, and a bit confused, and also embarrassed that my phone nearly called 911. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and went home early.

That was the first time someone touched me in a remotely sexual way, but I didn't dare to label it until I talked to my therapist. It made me dwell on a lot of experiences with this person as well. How obsessed they were with being taller than me, how often they'd grab me and force me to see if they were stronger than me. At the time, I was in a friend group of predominately non-men, and they were all friends with this person.

However, when I told them about this, when I expressed the discomfort it brought me. I was brushed off. "He's just like that!" oh "He probably didn't mean it" etc.

I didn't feel comfortable in the same room as this person. My friends would continue to invite them to hang outs. One of my other friends told everyone about what happened without my permission. I started having breakdowns in my classes with him. I had panic attacks all the time. I felt as if I had to continue this façade of being nice to him, or else I would lose my friends of years and years.

I was happy when covid started, because for the first time I had breathing room, but by then so much of my trust was dismantled.

Due to my friends association with this person, and the fact that not being their friend excluded me. I eventually got over it, and told myself I'd grown past it.

Three months ago, this same person admitted to me they hold extreme grudges against me, that they projected their "mommy issues" on to me, and quite literally said the words, "Yeah yeah, you're a woman who's outspoken and challenged me and that bothers me yeah yeah." in regards to that. They said it with sarcasm, like it was something they knew, and their mother was reminding them for the 12th time.

--

I bring this all up, not to make you feel guilty, but to discuss the harm of not supporting victims, not listening to them. It puts them in a position of isolation, and in a position to potentially be hurt again.

So yeah, I'm gonna be a little upset when people say I'm being "performative" about supporting victims of sexual harassment and SA. I'm not doing this because it benefits me, in fact it's caused a lot of backlash, horrible dms, and very triggering memories.

I'm doing it because I was once not heard, and i've sat with Caiti behind the scenes for months watching her lose passion for something she loved (content creation).

I didn't do this because I'm secretly sniveling behind the scenes tapping my fingers praying on peoples downfall. I'm not a Disney villain dude lmfao.

Honestly, this narrative that is being pushed, that people are doing it "because it benefits them" is quite ironic, considering most of the people talked about within the last 72 hours were under Wilbur's weird ass apology doing just that.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate how people are okay with this narrative, the misogynist undertones of it. I've seen people admit that they didn't like me or my friends the entire time, while simultaneously "calling us out" about this, so I ask you,

Are you calling us? Because it benefits your motives? Your feelings?

[primaviva]

ICKS

PAIRINGS: gwen stacy, miles morales (42 included) hobie brown, pavitr prabhakar, miguel o’hara x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: things that give the teens and adults major icks from their girlfriends and crushes.

WARNINGS: mentions of toxic traits within relationships such as controlling behavior, privacy and boundary violations, etc. also not proof read !!

— GWEN STACY

to start, gwen is pretty easy going so it would take a lot for her to get the ick from her girlfriend or a girl she likes

PRIVACY: gwen wants her privacy and she will definitely start grimacing at you when you don’t respect her need for alone time or give her space when she wants.

this is like a definite turn-off for her and a major ick because she wants someone who will support her even from a distance and if you keep tryna force her out of her time alone… yeah you gotta go in her mind

TERRITORIAL: it’s not that gwen doesn’t like a jealousy moment. if she sees you death staring at someone who’s looking at her or tryna flirt with her while you’re right next to her because she loves when you get all sassy or jealous. she finds it cute.

buuuut that’s completely different from toxic jealousy like borderline territoriality. gwen does not want someone on her case 24/7. she will get the ick if she notices you constantly blowing up her phone. gwen has a life that she balances outside of being ghost spider and if you are spamming her texts when she just wants to hang w her friends and not you just for a moment then congrats cus she’s sticking her tongue out turning green ICK!!

EFFORT: gwen wants her partner to be motivated and just try for things instead of doing the bare minimum or something close to that.

example. if you wear sweats to dates or just basic outfits that look like you don’t care or show up a mess and you don’t have a real reason for it. she gets that life can be hard and she’s had a fair share of just putting on clothes for the sake of getting dressed. however, if you just do that just cus you don’t care you will have her so irritated. gwen is a fashion girl and is always trying to look good and attractive to you when she gets dressed for dates and if you always showing up lookin like adam sandler for the murder mystery movie premiere then i'm sorry but it’s not gonna work for her at all

“how did i come dressed in multiple layers of clothing and jewelry but you somehow, someway came to the conclusion to wear a soccer moms everyday work clothes? you can’t be doing this to me.”

RESPECT: gwen does not want a girlfriend who’s gonna act all high maintenance or try to make her do things she doesn’t want. if you’re always trying to change her or peer pressure her to do stuff that isn’t her personality she will start getting mad at you

example. she tells you that she isn’t comfortable with obvious pda yet you try to kiss her in public anyway

if you don’t respect how she feels as an equal then she can't be with with you it’s that simple

LEGALITY AND MORALITY: gwen wouldn’t be able to deal with someone who breaks the law that’s not for the good of others or does things they shouldn’t be doing. she would get the ick if her girlfriend smoked, did drugs, shoplifted, etc.

she would not get the ick per say just from seeing you smoke but gwen’s dad raised her by the book and she wouldn’t feel too comfortable being with her girlfriend or crush who does stuff she was raised to say is bad

unless you smoke or do other things for stress relief, she would be understanding but still try and get you out of it just for your own sake. but if you do stuff just to do it then it’s a bit of a dealbreaker for her. gwen will not have a girlfriend who’s face is posted on the door of fine fare cus she was caught shoplifting paper plates

MUSIC: this really isn’t an ick but if you have music taste she deems bad… and that’s gonna take a lot considering that gwen listens to everything but country like you would have to be born and raised in ohio for her to get the ick because of your playlists

and this wouldn’t be a deal breaker because she would gladly put you on with songs but if you disrespect her taste in music like that may be her third biggest turn-off after privacy and respect.

if you have even one country song on the playlist she might start violently convulsing

she’s a drummer so rock and alternative music is rooted in her passion so if her girl didn’t like her music taste or her bands music she would struggle a bit…. a lot

and if we talk about ICKS she can’t even say anything because she probably chews with her mouth open and gets her hands dirty cus this woman eats fast food crazy. she would hate it if you said cringe stuff in like a non satire way like if she caught you saying sum like “not in my christian minecraft server”

“babe, it’s 2023… not 2018 so don’t make me break up with you, okay?”

to summarize, gwen icks at if her girlfriend or crush doesn’t like her music taste because she can’t deal with someone who doesn’t appreciate something she’s passionate about, she doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy and controlling of her whereabouts especially if you don’t know she’s spiderwoman or she’s just wants to hang with her friends, she needs someone who will respect her privacy and her boundaries, she doesn’t want someone who she knows her dad will not like for their bad actions, and she wants someone who tries just as hard as her in what they do.

— HOBIE BROWN

hobie is another one where it’s hard to give him the ick

BOUNDARIES: he doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy or attached to his side. hobie wants his partner to have their own life and he can recognize when it’s unhealthy that two people in a relationship are closing themselves off to their friends for the sake of being together every moment. this also goes hand in hand with if all you want to do is has sex with him because to him, it’s more than just a high libido but you’re just using him physically. and don’t get him wrong he is just fine with a partner with a high libido but a constant demand for sex… he’s gonna raise an eyebrow.

“can ya like not try and claw my clothes right off for a minute? damn.”

but if he tells you something and you do it anyway it’s a total ick for him when he gives you something you’re supposed to respect but don’t.

example. if he asked for time alone to be absorbed in his own music cus it’s what he needs and you ignore it to do the exact opposite… very off-putting and weird to him

COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to hobie. he thinks it’s very important that partners comunícate their issues to each other or else it just leads to problems along the way

that being said, hobie hates it when you don’t tell him something. not in the sense that something happened to you and you won’t open up about it because he would never force that information out of you. however, if something is wrong and you just choose not to tell him? he absolutely hates that. it would just hurt him if you didn’t trust him to speak your mind or feel comfortable enough, especially since he’s always there for you

he will hate it even more when you lie to him like that’s a borderline deal breaker if you are constantly lying or doing half lies

IMMORAL: he doesn’t want somebody who has a bad moral compass and chooses to do bad things. and bad things don’t mean bad choices, it means someone who steals from others who are struggling themselves, someone who is rude to people for no reason, etc.

this is also related to if his girl is unfaithful as in if she flirts with others, entertains other guys or girls, and if she outright cheats or sleeps with someone else

this is a definite “you gots to go” situation

BORING: hobie is always tryna have fun and live in the moment and if the girl he likes or is dating can't do that then the relationship is doomed.

“ya gotta stop bein’ a downer on the mood doll. learn to live a little for once in yer life, yeah?”

by boring, i mean someone who can’t let loose and try to have fun. if you are super uptight, overly critical, or just don’t get his sense of humor or even have one then he’s gonna get the ick because he doesn’t want someone killing his vibe by taking everything too seriously or refusing to try and live a little

he also doesn’t want a drama queen like if you do way too much… yeah no

MUSIC: similar to gwen, if you don’t like his music taste he’s not sure if he will be able to continue the relationship

yes, this sounds like a big deal but you have to understand that music is a big part of his life and is one of his passions. it’s one thing to simply not be into rock and even that he’s iffy on, but for you to dislike it completely or drag it on? hobie wouldn’t be able to stand it

to summarize, hobie needs someone who’s gonna understanding his passion for music like him, he also doesn’t want someone who’s immoral and actively makes bad choices that they don’t need to, he also wants someone who can communicate to him as well as respects what he communicates back, and he desires someone who can match his energy

— MILES AND MILES G. MORALES

miles knows the type of people he wants around him so if he saw his girlfriend or crush doing any of these things he would definitely get the ick

MORALS: if you are objectively a bad person like just being mean for no reason, making offense joke (racism, transphobia, body image, etc) and passing it as your “sense of humor” or just literally anything where you are actively trying to disrupt someone’s peace he is literally fake vomiting at you

example. you see a girl wearing a perfectly fine outfit, not something crazy looking or anything, and make a rude comment involving her normal sense of style, body, looks, etc he is just turned all the way off

miles doesn’t want someone with an ego or someone who doesn’t show empathy for others so…ICK

NEEDY: miles wants a girl who is independent and has her own interests. so if his girlfriend or crush is always trying to hang out with him when he is trying to do his own thing or link with friends of his own but they won’t leave him alone? yeah it won’t work out.

he likes it when he knows his girl can take care of herself, even if he does like to play the protective role. but miles also knows that he has to balance life as a superhero, boyfriend, son, and friend to those around him and if you just make that more hard for him then he will get frustrated with the clinginess when he just wants to spend time with his loved ones. to an extent, he thinks a clingy girlfriend is cute! but overdoing it is just annoying and in a way takes away his own freedom to do things he wants.

example. his crush or girlfriend constantly trying to be next to him no matter what, especially in public when they are with friends or if they are both invited to a hangout and miles says he won’t go so his girl says she won’t go either just because he isn’t going (not because you know no one there, but only because miles isn’t doing it)

TRUST: trust is a big thing for miles. he wants to be vulnerable with his girlfriend and also be able to confide in her as well as get that same treatment back. if miles notices that you don’t have his back as much as you should, he will get a weird feeling from it but also very irritated because he feels he is there for you and as a girlfriend you should be giving the same energy back— if not more.

this also includes lying. miles hates it when you lie to him even if it’s a half lie or the “bended” truth. he takes it as a sign of dishonesty and that you may not be as loyal as he thought. he also counts lying as if you don’t tell him something and brush it off by saying everything is fine with you when it clearly isn’t.

“i don’t know why you saying you good when you clearly have a problem. you can talk to me, you know that right?”

it would physically kill him if you pulled a “well…” and then said nvm because that’s something he hates the most cus now he’s gonna be wondering what it was until you tell him. it will haunt him.

PRESSURE: miles doesn’t want to be pressured into doing things or guilt tripped. sometimes he doesn’t feel like going on a date or hanging out, but if you make him feel a certain way for choosing to be indoors and reading he will feel bad and force himself to do whatever you wanted to do. he doesn’t want that.

miles wants to feel comfortable in his relationship with you and doesn’t want to feel like he needs to conform to your needs and wants in fear that it will distort the idea you have of him. he doesn’t want to be taken away from his hobbies and interest that give him peace from the chaotic lifestyle he has, meaning that he really values his alone time to just be with himself.

DIRECTNESS: miles does not want to chase you and get down on his knees just for you to be honest or say how you feel. he also doesn’t what you to feel pressured but at the same time will get a little frustrated if you can’t open up to him even if he does understand. at the same time, miles doesn’t want you doing the silent treatment, playing mind games, or trying to make him jealous. that is one of his define icks because why are you purposely trying to ruin his mood and be petty?

BAD ATTITUDE: he hates it when you go out of your way to be disrespectful to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

example. his girlfriend or crush is rude to other people for the sake of looking “badass” while he tells you to just chill

and if you talk bad on your mama? if you just talk bad on your family when they don’t deserve it in general…it’s a definite ick because of how important his family is

example. if you have a mom or female guardian in your life and call them out of their name, make disrespectful comments, etc when they do simple things that annoy you instead of genuinely causing you distress or harm

“who gave you the audacity to talk about ya moms like that? she does a lot for you so you better chill with that. c’mon now she don’t deserve allat.”

it’s a major ick for him.

to summarize, miles wants a girlfriend that is there to support him whether it means being physically with him or allowing him the space he needs. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to stress him out on purpose, do things he doesn’t agree with morally, make him question his trust, and play with his feelings. AND RESPECT YOUR PARENTS.

— PAVITR PRABHAKAR

AFFECTION: pavitr is very physically affectionate and just shows his love very up-front. if he tries to hug you, hold your hand, or even touch you just a little and you give a almost disgusted reaction it definitely gives him the ick. and not in the sense that you are uncomfortable with physical touch, but if his girlfriend seems annoyed by him trying to show his love it definitely turns him off a little. not listening to him, not making an effort to talk to him, etc. it’s like when you go to hug someone and they try to close themself off mid hug and back away jus because…

example. pavitr laughs really hard at something his girlfriend says and goes to give her a playful touch but instead he sees her giving him a glare for laughing so loud before telling him to quiet down and backs away from his grasp

PESSIMISTIC: he doesn’t always expect you to be happy go lucky about life because if anyone knows that not every day is a happy one— it’s him. however, if you are constantly negative and bringing down happy moments for him or good news by the potential bad that can come from it or just always complaining? you’re basically killing his vibe and the last thing pavitr wants is to have a girlfriend that won’t be a energy vampire and will support him wanting to look on the bright side. he is spiderman after all it’s literally his job to give hope and he will try to inspire you but if he finds that his crush his continuously complaining or being negative when there is no need he will start to be turned off by the behavior.

he tries to start each day positive and be a light at the end of the tunnel for others who see him trying even after a bad day and if you aren’t with that you gotta go

“how come is it that every time something good is happening, your first thought is to say the worse thing that comes to mind? i think you may be struggling with something..”

BORING: this doesn’t mean boring in the sense that pavitr girlfriend or crush isn’t fun, but boring as in she tends to be lazy/a shut-in and doesn’t want to go out much. he is fine with staying in but he wants a girl who is gonna put just as much effort into seeing him as he is going to being the hopeless romantic he is. he definitely gets frustrated if you have a nonchalant attitude or don’t care about things because he feels like you should always work hard in what you do even when it comes to things in your personal life.

example. he wants to take you out but you rather stay inside and watch a movie even though you two haven’t went out in a while

EXES: this is a definite turn off if you talk about exes too much and not even in a way where you open up about possible trauma/hardships you endured but reminiscing certain times, discussing talking stages before you both got together, and such. he feels like if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t praise an ex person you were romantically affiliated with. he doesn’t just find it awkward, but also a little disrespectful and shameless to just do it in-front of him.

it also makes him feel insecure and overthink like, “there must be a reason she’s bringing this up.” he’ll also get irritated if he brings up that he finds it weird/rude and in response you basically downplay it.

DISORGANIZED: pavitr would hate if you had a messy room. he feels like peoples rooms and houses are a reflection of who they are, so if you’re messy? yeah, no. and i don’t mean the type of mess where you were busy and stuff has been moved around and not cleaned up yet, depression bed, but full on sloppy and borderline hoarding. he could not deal with that and i can imagine him beginning to frantically circle your room and offer you free assistance if it’s that bad.

“are you sure you’re gonna clean this later? and what does later mean to you because-“

to summarize, pavitr wants somebody who is gonna be on the same positive wavelength he is, tries to make the most out of every day, remains respectful and affectionate, and puts effort into how they carry themself.

— MIGUEL O’ HARA

BAD LISTENER: something that will turn this man off almost immediately is not being good at listening to him, comforting him, and everything that has to do with this man’s trauma. miguel wants somebody who is gonna be a shoulder to cry on even if he won’t actually cry often. he wants someone who is listen to him and just let him dump his thoughts without putting any of the weight on you. but if you’re bad a listening it’s definitely gonna get on his nerves.

example. miguel is venting to you about gabi and how he feels that he failed her as a father and protector but when he looks up to see your face, he notices you aren’t paying attention by how clouded your eyes look— almost as of you’re thinking of something else entirely.

if his girlfriend or someone he has romantic interest in did that, his heart would shatter and if he showed any sort of change in emotion on his face in the silence you could probably swear you hear the pieces hitting the ground. it’s very important to him to have someone to talk to because his group of people who support him has gotten shorter and shorter throughout the years.

JUDGMENTAL: miguel hates a know-it-all. he doesn’t want to open up to someone who he feels will be critical of what he likes, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his choices and mistakes, etc. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to make drama out of nothing and just play games with him by saying stuff just to get a rise out of him. will it work? yes. does he hate it and it gives him an ick that you’re trying to get him angry on purpose knowing how he is? absolutely.

CLINGY: he is a bit hesitant to physical touch even when being touch starved. miguel makes it very clear that he does not want to be overly attacked with affection or forced into being affection because he father eases his way into it and basically take things slow. however, if you try to pressure him into being physically affectionate or just cling to his side he will definitely get annoyed.

he wants you to respect when he wants space or time to himself, and you showing that support and allowing him that is basically a silent blessing to him.

POOR COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to miguel. and not communication in terms of talking to him regularly and he gets mad at you of you don’t talk to him, because while that can be the case sometimes if he notices you avoiding him, it’s more so about talking to him.

“you know, i feel like a babysitter talking to a noisy kid that still doesn’t know how to listen to when they’re being talk to.”

example. he notices you acting off and asks you about it but instead of saying a genuine answer you make up a lie or completely shrug it off, which prompts an argument because he confronts you for not talking to him

miguel would never force you to open up, but he also doesn’t want you to lie. if there is truly something wrong, he at least wants you to voice that instead of lying and saying everything is fine because it creates distrust and other underlying problems. a simple “i don’t want to talk about it” would keep him at ease and he would offer you anything to make you feel better. however, if you go out of your way to not communicate well with him especially during arguments than he will begin to get the ick

example. you and him get into an argument and after it you decide to ignore him which he views as childish and petty as it causes a rift between you two.

DIRECTNESS: similar to miles, miguel wants his girlfriend to be straightforward with how she feels. he doesn’t wish for her to sugarcoat things just to try and ease his mind because to him that feels like bending the truth and taking away a layer of what you really want to say. he doesn’t want you to be “childish” when addressing problems in the relationship and he will set you straight or he sees you acting this way while he’s trying to communicate with you.

but if he can’t persuade you the act different as well as handle things better and you can’t bother to change, that will be the end of the relationship to him. biggest ick of icks for him.

also random but he also as icks linked to the self image of his partner. he would be an angrier man if you had bad hygiene, kept apologizing 24/7, and doubted yourself most of the time similar to nice guys who are just self pitying. even if you aren’t self pitying… his reaction is still the same.

“ay mamita, have some dignity please.”

to summarize, miguel wants a partner who is going to support him no matter what he needs to do and to ground him. but he isn’t looking to keep someone around him who is constantly neglecting his emotional needs, critical of his personal experiences, making his life harder by disrespecting boundaries and not wanting to communicate with him, and ultimately doing too much than needed.

DO NOT STEAL, COPY, OR TRANSLATE MY WORK. ALL WRITING IS @PRIMAVIVA.

[firstfirerebel]

𝕳𝖎𝖘

Sumary: Tom Riddle is obsessed with reader and won't tolerate her being somewhere else than his side (Reader is against the hate on Muggles or Muggle-Born wizards)

Pairing: yandere Adult!Tom Riddle/Voldemort x fem! reader

Warnings: Dark content, obsession, mention of the three Unforgivable Curses, implied kidnapping, death, yandere, toxic behavior

Time: First Wizarding War (meaning Voldemort/Tom is still a normal man)

English is not my native language!

I DO NOT SUPPORT OR ROMANTICIZE YANDERE BEHAVIOR!!!

"Why won't you just understand that all I want to do is create a new world, a better one. One were you, and I will rule together!"

"But I don't want that! In fact, I don't even want to be near you! I'll never join you nor support you. Just give up already and let me free!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was another day in the Malfoy Manor where you were captured by none other than the dark lord himself. And another day, where you just hoped to escape or die. Sounds harsh? Listen to your story first...

You have known Tom since your Hogwarts time. You weren't in the same house but in the same year, and even though you weren't close, you did happen to have some lessons together. Never you would've considered him a friend. He was just a classmate who sometimes helped you with potions, and in your free time, you sometimes met him in the libary by coincidence, but that was it.

Yeah, you did find him attractive, but you would have never thought to date him or something like that. After all, he always wanted to be alone and didn't like company. You also preferred being alone, to be honest. Still, he somehow scared you from the beginning. His eyes hold no emotions, but in his actions and his aura, all you felt or saw was pure hate. Tom didn't talk about his past, but he didn't have to for you to figure out that it must have been no good one.

Once you were in sixth grade, attacks on muggle-born students happened, and in the end, Myrtle, who was a friend of yours, was killed.

Yeah, she was very difficult , but she didn't mean any harm towards anyone. Besides that, she was bullied by so many students that you just felt pity for her. You were also bullied in your first years at hogwarts until the students stopped out of nowhere. Since then, you have had problems with being social. Most people who were close with you ended up using you for their own benefits or saw you as their therapist or something like that.

Okay, Myrtle was known for being over sensitive, but still, if people knew she would cry because of mean comments, then why make them? She was in her third year when she died, and she only flew to the girls' toilet because Olive Hornby made fun of her again, which made you more sad about her death. It's not like she chose to have glasses. What was wrong with some people?

In the end, Riddle accused Hagird of being responsible for her death. Only you and Proffesor Dumbledore were convinced that it couldn't have been Hagrid. He was way too nice and kind-hearted for such a terrible crime as murder. Though you didn't think it was Tom either.

But it didn't matter. Hagrid was suspended, and that was the end of it.

Since that time, you didn't trust Tom Riddle anymore. He was the one who made everyone believe that Hagird was guilty. And somehow, since the incident, Tom's aura has become even more intimidating and dark. At least that's how it felt to you...

Once you graduated, you didn't hear of him again, which didn't bother you at all. You lived a peaceful life for a long time. You loved your job. You had true friends. You could do your hobbies. And sometimes you even went on a few dates.

But, if it would have stayed that way, you wouldn't be at Voldemorts' side against your will, would you?

The day that ruined your life was a rainy day. It wasn't too cold nor too warm, so you decided to take a walk in the nearby woods. You loved to spend your time there. All the creatures and plants fascinated you every time without fail. Sometimes, you even saw unicorns, which felt like a miracle everytime Besides, it was one of the last peaceful places left.

War would soon come. It was only a matter of time. Everybody knew that. Maybe you only had two months left, or you still got two years. No one knew except the ones on Voldemorts side.

At that time, you only knew that 'The Dark Lord' was a user of the dark arts. And he hated Muggles and Muggle-Borns. Which was enough for you to despite him. Dark magic was never something you approved, and you didn't care about the blood status of anyone. What mattered to you was always the person.

Usually, the woods were filled with life and joy, but that day was different. The forest looked intimidating from the outside, and you even thought about going back home.

Sadly, you didn't listen to your inner voice. But, it wouldn't have changed your fate...

Once you entered it, you didn't hear the happy cheers of the birds like always. And you didn't see any nifflers running by or other creatures in general. Something was definitely wrong.

But you continued to walk, which would soon turn out to be a fatal mistake. As soon as you reached the river, that was in the forest, you realized why everything was so different than usual.

Death Eaters had chased and killed a Muggle-Born witch with her family. They were on a camping trip, as you could tell from the scenery. But there was still a girl, most likely two or three years old, still alive.

Without a second thought, you hid behind a big tree and some bushes around it.

It seemed like the Death Eaters didn't know what to do with her. Maybe she wasn't part of the plan? At first, you thought that this was not an important mission for them, but then you saw Bellatrix. She was very well known as Voldemorts' right hand. She personally learned dark magic from him and was definitely the most loyal Death Eater there ever was. So this must be a really important matter.

You couldn't stand her guts and wanted nothing more than to just slap her even if you didn't know her in person. Dark magic wasn't something you supported. But still, you couldn't deny that she was dangerous and powerful. Her madness didn't lower that fact.

Since dying wasn't on your to-do lost today, you ran away as fast as you could. Since they were arguing so loud, they didn't hear you. Of course, you wanted to help the little girl, but it was simply impossible to get her without getting caught. And against a whole troup of Death Eaters with one being BELLATRIX, you didn't stand a chance.

But luck wasn't on your side...

As you ran away from the horrible scene, you ran into a Death Eater. They wore their typical black clothes and their mask was on, so you didn't see who it was.

Before you could grab your wand, you heard an angry mumbled 'stupor'. You fell onto the ground and blacked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you awoke, you didn't dare to open your eyes. After all, you got caught by a death eater, so you being alive was a miracle. You didn't hear any voices around you. It also wasn't cold and wet around you, so being locked up in a cellar wasn't the case as well...

Beneath you was a comfortable mattress. It was soft and made you want to fall asleep on it. But what the hell was this all about?!

If you're caught by the bad guys, you normally don't wake up in a soft bed. Did they bring you back home? No, that would be too risky. Maybe they wanted some information, but you weren't really someone well known in the wizarding world.

Patiently, you waited a few more minutes, but still not even the slightest noise. So you opened your eyes.

You were in a dark room. The main colors were black and dark green. Black wardrobes and black walls. The bed was made of black wood, but the sheets were dark green, the big carpet on the floor as well. No one was with you in this room. Desperately, you wanted to know where you were. From the colors, you would have guessed that it was a Slytherin Dormitory in Hogwarts. But kidnappers don't bring you to your old school!

Scared you inspected the room once again. Nothing was familiar...

You took a deep breath and stood up. If you would die, fine, but as long as you had the slightest chance of escape you would take it.

The carpet felt also really expensive beneath your feet. By the way, your kidnappers were so nice to pull off your shoes before laying you into bed...

Everything in this room seemed to be just made for this specific room. Which frightened you even more.

Suddenly, the door was opened, and you saw a pretty woman (walking down the street 🤣) in the doorframe. She was slim and tall, had long blonde hair that was tied up in a bun. Her tight dress was rose gold with a black cloak over it. All in all, she looked like a wealthy woman. Her face was pretty as well, but she looked like she got a dung under her nose. Weird.

"Get up and follow me, My Lady," her cold and clear voice told you.

"Uhm, I'm not your Lad -" but she was already on her way to your goal. You had no clue where it was, but following her was better than sitting around, right?

"I know this must be really confusing, but our Lord will explain it to all of us soon. I was just told to get you and call you that. Now, please, don't make this harder for us than it already is,"

You managed to catch up to her. Now you also saw that her eyes were ice blue. Matching her cold voice.

"Who are you?" you asked softly. Kowing her name could be a good hint to where you were.

"Narcissa Black, soon to be Narcissa Malfoy," the woman didn't look at you for one second, her eyes were focused on the walls. So you were still in the claws of the death eaters. Family Black was well known for their puryity, not a family you would have gotten along with.

The corridor was huge by the way. Dark colors still dominating. Only the chandelier was white. Did this belong to one person or was it the headquarters of Voldemort and his minions or what? Instead of getting awnsers you only got more questions as you walked after Narcissa.

Downstairs. A few steps upstairs again. Left. Left again. Right. Straight forward. The second right.

Was this a house or a Labyrinth?! How were you supposed to find your way in here? You even got lost in Digeon Ally!

But after what felt like an internity, you both reached a large black table, people gathered around it. A tall man stood up from his chair as he heard you two enter. As he turned around, you saw your old classmate Tom Riddle, but if he was here, he wouldn't help you. If he became a death eater, he was behind after everything you swore to fight. He wasn't an ally or a friend anymore. He was a danger and a threat to you and many innocent people who weren't here.

You tried to hide behind Narcissa. After all, she was the only person who seemed at least a little trustworthy, and she was another woman. Maybe she knew how unsafe you felt because mostly men were in this room. The only other woman was a mad Bellatrix, never ever you would trust her.

"Ah, there they are. Come in, " Tom spoke. His voice had changed, and it was more intimidating than it was before.

You didn't move an inch, but Narcissa started to move forward. Being all alone without someone to hide behind was more scarry, so you followed her, but you were still behind her.

"Oh no, don't be afraid. No one here will even dare to glare at you, my dear. They knew the punishment would be worse than death," You couldn't recognize Tom anymore. The hate in his presence, his voice, his appearance, everything scared you. Back in school, you didn't fear him, at least not for his house or his roots. Just because he was a Slytherin, it didn't mean that he was evil, but now? His opinions were completely different than yours, and this was not a stupid novel of the stereotype enemies to lovers cause he was just plain and simple wrong with his thoughts on muggleborn or muggles in general.

[Funfact: I don't get the hype on this topic, see, for being autistic I got bullied for many years and than reading a story about two people hating each other's guts and than falling for each other just feels wrong for me, you can read whatever you want ofc, this was just my unpopular opinion]

Still, you hid behind Narcissa, but as she tried to go towards a man with long blonde hair and her crazy sister, you felt completely defenseless. The only person you used to know seemed to be the head of everything here, and Narcissa wasn't at your side anymore. Sadly, Tom saw your fear. He went towards you and pulled you in an unwanted hug. Softly, he petted your hair and whispered sweet nothings. As soon as this horror hug ended, he smiled at you and turned towards the others.

"If anything should happen to her, everyone will be held responsible! You know the punishment, now go! We are done here!" As the last word fell, everyone disapparated, and only you and him were left.

And then you realized it. If he could order the death eaters around, he must be the dark lord himself. Tom Riddle, your old classmate, was Voldemort.

You backed away from him but regretted it soon. Tom didn't take rejection good...

"Why are you scared? I won't harm you. In fact, I am the one who has kept you safe since I saw you!"

"Are you mad?!" You yelled back into his already mad face. Wrong choice again. In full rage he stormed through the room and kicked everything in his way. Chairs and even the whole table practically flew through the room.

"Who protected you from those bullies back in Hogwarts?! Who kept you safe from all filthy boys who just wanted to break your heart?! Who killed the mudblood Myrtle so you were safe from her?!"

So Dumbledore was right... Tom opened the chamber of secrets all those years ago. And killed your friend.

"Myrtle was my friend! I never asked for your personal protection, Tom!"

Somehow that calmed him down! Yep, that man was a complete psychopath...

"But you didn't have to, my dear", he ran towards you and cupped your cheek while looking into your eyes.

"Keeping you safe will always be my priority. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you and I knew that I would always protect you. Look around, here in our mansion you will always be safe. No one will ever harm you again. We'll be safe here! After I've won this war you and I can live here in peace. Just imagine it, I'll make us so many horcruxes that we won't ever die. Here we will raise our kids and they'll never go through the pain of being an orphan like I was", pain and hate was in his voice at the simple thought of 'death' and 'orphan'. But having a family with this insane man? Hell nah, you'd flee the moment you got the chance!

"I know now this is scary for you, and you might think of escaping, but this whole mansion is surrounded by death eaters, the moment you even think of fleeing you'll be brought to your room and trust me, I know how to punish or torture someone so that no mistace will ever happen again",

And that's how you ended up here. Behind you was the man that claimed to love you fast asleep. Yet he was the one who made you go through all of this. Most traumas you had were because of his action. If this was love, than you could already drown in it.

You had no idea if you could ever escape or if even the try of escaping was a good idea. This man wasn't well known for his kindness or his patience.

Maybe playing along would make it easier, but would your mental health take that well? Or would that make him do worse things 'out of love'?

Still, you rethought your first actions towards Tom, trying to figure out what made his obsession start. Was it your look? Your hairstyle? Your body language?

Or was it just being unlucky?

[lyn-1225]

Hospital visit

Pairing: Carl Gallagher x fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, hospital, ambulance, emotions, dehydration, slight starvation. I think that’s it.

Word count: 4000 to 5000

A/n: I had a good time writing this :) the idea of this imagine popped up in my head and I immediately started writing it. I think it turned out pretty good.

——————————————————————

Your POV:

“Hello there Franny” I speak in a baby voice towards the baby sitting in her chair in front of me.

I continue feeding her the smushed baby carrots that I’ve somehow got her to enjoy.

Before she wouldn’t even go near them, but according to Debbie ever since I’ve started babysitting her, her taste for them has changed.

Being carls girlfriend meant being best friends with all of his siblings.

I was lucky enough for them to like me.

We were friends long before we got together, so I pretty much knew the Gallaghers as much as Carl did. I mean I practically grew up with them.

When me and Carl announced that we were together the entire family supported it.

I practically lived there as well.

My parents loved the Gallaghers. When they would be in Chicago we would all often times have small cookouts.

They go away a lot due to their large business that they own. Which meant that I would stay at the Gallaghers a lot for good amounts of time. Including now.

My parents never questioned where I was because they always knew I was at the Gallaghers.

Their home was my home.

“Hey” carl smiles leaning down to place a small sweet kiss on my forehead.

“Hi babe” I smile closing my eyes as his lips meet my skin.

Once his lips leave my forehead, I open my eyes looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He has a smile on his face as he stares back at me. He puts a hand on my right shoulder as he walks over to the empty seat to the left of me at the table.

He takes a seat lingering his hand on my shoulder a few more seconds before taking it off.

“Eat, then school” Fiona demand placing a plate of bacon, eggs, and a bagel in front of him.

“You too” she says placing one in front of me as well.

“Ya, ya” I roll my eyes in fake annoyance, turning back towards Franny when she starts to fuss.

Placing the baby food down, I pick Franny up and out of her chair rocking her back and forth making sure her head is supported.

Carl stares at me with a glint in his eye. He adores me with kids.

“I have to go. I have a test first thing today” I frown placing Franny back into her chair.

I grab my school bag from off the floor before walking over to Carl who is stuffing his face with bacon.

“Bye guys” I smile placing a kiss to carls head before opening the back door.

“Bye y/n!” Everyone yells when the door closes shut.

School was easy for me. I was scheduled to graduate one year earlier than the rest of my class which made all my friends and family proud of me. Carl being the most proud considering he wasn’t the best in school.

His thought process was that there only needed to be once smart person in the relationship and that of course was me. I didn’t object although I would constantly yell at him saying that he is smart as well.

He knew things that I didn’t know most times. Mostly when it came to common sense stuff. I wasn’t very good with that.

-time skip brought to you by Sammi the snitch-

This school week has been really fucking busy.

It seems like I never really had time to do the things I normally like to do.

Of course i still have time to hang out with Carl and babysit for Debbie, but anything beyond that was out of the question. Since it was nearing the end of school tests and final grades were starting to stress me out.

Carl has tried to help me with studying and relieve my stress but no matter what, the stress isn’t gonna go away until I know I’ve passed everything.

“Thanks for the ride home Lip” I thank getting out of the backseat of the car. Carl gets out on the other side as well dragging his backpack out with him.

“It’s not problem” Lip said taking a hit from the cigarette hanging loosely out of his mouth.

“Have a good time with hacking shit” I yell back to him as me and Carl make our way to the front door hand in hand.

“Yup!” Lip yells back driving off down the road.

Me and Carl smile and laugh as we open the front door and walk in practically throwing our school bags somewhere else in the living room.

“I can’t wait till all of this shit is over” I sigh landing onto the couch, my muscles finally relaxing.

I finally was able to relax without having to worry about studying. At least for right now. I still had at least two more tests to study for. Those fortunately were next week. After that I’m free.

“Me neither” Carl agrees landing next to me with a loud huff. He rolls on top of me getting rid of any little space we had between us.

I start to laugh when he drags his hands up my sides. He starts to tickle me making me laugh even harder.

“No god please” I laugh tears brimming the edge of my eyes. I try to move out of his grip but fail immensely due to the fact that he was stronger than me. 

“Do you give up?” Carl asks stopping his actions against my sides.

Getting an idea in my head I suddenly wrap my arms around his neck dragging his body into the position I was just in. I then grab his hands pinning them above his head.

I stratal his waist making sure he couldn’t go anywhere. The shock in his face makes me laugh as I let go of his hands slightly sitting down on his thighs.

“Do you?” I sass crossing my arms over my chest. He smiles at our position eyes wandering over my body.

“Not yet” he says, suddenly picking me up from of the couch so that he’s standing while my legs are wrapped around his waist.

“Holy shit” i yell out of surprise. He throws me onto the couch again before lightly jumping on top of me. He keeps my hands above my head now with his face just mere inches away from me. My eyes are wide at the very sudden maneuver.

“You tired yet?” He asks touching the tip of my nose with his. My vision goes black for a split second before it comes back, a wave of dizziness following shortly after.

What the hell.

I shake me head to try and rid myself of the dizziness in my head. Of course me shaking my head made it slightly worse.

The weight of Carl leaning over me lessens as he sits straight up looking at me with a confused expression.

“You okay” Carl asks waiting for me to respond. The dizziness slightly subsides the room still slightly blurry.

“Ya I’m alright” i say using my best reassuring voice. I look up at him to see if he believes me or not. At first he seemed unsure but then he decided that my answer was good enough for him to trust.

“Alright” he smiles getting off of my lap before walking away from me into the kitchen. The sound of the refrigerator door opening can be heard.

He rummages for something before closing the door and walking back into the living room. He hands me one of the coke bottles in his hand before sitting next to me. He takes the remote from off the coffee table turning on the tv.

He turns it to a show that interests him before looking over to me to see if I was ok with what he picked. I nod my head at him giving him the okay. He smiles at me before tapping my leg with a gentle hand.

Raising my eye brows I look at him waiting for him to tell me what he wants to say. He points to the drink in my hand basically asking why I haven’t drank from it yet.

“Ohh right” I say un-capping the cold bottle taking a small drink of the cold bubbly liquid.

He nods his head smiling at me before turning back to the tv.

We sit there for a few minutes when the front door suddenly swings open making me jump and Carl stand up out of defense. He runs in front of me to shield me from any sort of intruder that could be breaking into the house.

Fiona walks through the door way trying to carry a large amount of grocery bags. If it weren’t for me running to help her she probably would have dropped at least 3 of the bags that were barely hanging off her fingers.

“Thank you” Fiona sighs walking through the living room and to the kitchen. I follow behind carrying the bags I offered to help with. Carl follows behind me after closing the door behind Fiona.

“Of course” I smile placing the bags on the kitchen table so that I could help unload them.

“You don’t have to do that” she says opening cupboards and drawers while unpacking the bags she set down.

“It’s really no problem. I love helping” I smile handing a few things to Carl so that he could help out as well.

“What’s up everybody” Kevin yells from the front door followed by Veronica’s voice telling him to quiet down.

“Hey kev, hi V” Fiona says handing a few things to V so that she could put them away.

“Hi” I smile taking the bread and the flour out of the bag placing them on the table.

“What’s up little ones” Kev asks coming over to me and Carl rubbing our heads. I swat his hand away laughing at his father like structure.

Kev and V were just as much family to me as the Gallaghers were. I would often babysit Jemma and Amy as well.

“I would avoid the Alibi for awhile” Kev commented taking a seat at the table.

“Why” Fiona asked looking up from the bags placing her hands on the counter.

“Franks made that his hot spot for the weird group of kids he somehow got to call him daddy Frank” V responds opening the refrigerator door placing a gallon of milk on the shelf.

“Ew” I fake gag grabbing the flour bringing it over to V before handing it to her. She gladly takes it from me placing it in the upper cabinet next to the other baking supplies.

Carl laughs at me taking the bread over to where Fiona was standing. “I will definitely avoid it then” Fiona rolled her eyes taking the bread from Carl placing it next to her.

“Where’s Debbie?” I ask folding up the bags that were empty so that we could keep them for later just in case.

“Her, Franny, Liam, and Lip are off doing god knows what, and Ian is at work” Fiona says folding up the bags that she emptied out.

“Makes sense” I nod handing the folded bags to Fiona.

The dizziness suddenly comes back making me slightly stumble into the counter. The room starts to spin, the grip I have on the counter tightening.

“Y/n honey are you ok” V asks walking over to me with worry in her eyes. This sentence gains everyone’s attention as all of their eyes meet my unstable body.

“Ya I um. I think I’m just tired” I say squeezing my eyes shut for a second before opening them back up.

The room still spins as I slowly lean off the counter making my way slowly to the stairs.

Suddenly my entire body feels weak as I collapse onto the floor. My eyes continually get more and more blurry and the room continues spinning.

Right then and there my vision goes black.

Carls POV:

The worry in my mind from before renters when I hear V ask y/n if she’s ok.

She did this before on the couch. Something was wrong. She was gripping the counter with a grip I didn’t think she had.

“Ya I um. I think I’m just tired” she said before walking over towards the stair case. I wasn’t fooled. She wasn’t ok and I knew it.

Out of no where she collapsed to the floor. My instincts kicked in as I ran to her side. “Fuck” I say looking at her face. V runs over next pressing her fingers on her wrist to see if she had a pulse.

Tears start to brim my eyes as I start to think about the fact that my girlfriend was passed out on our kitchen floor. “She has a pulse” V yells moving her hands to her face.

“Call for an ambulance!” Kev yells immediately taking out his phone so that he could call the others. Fiona grabs her phone slightly crying at what’s going on. “I need an ambulance right away” Fiona cries telling the operator on the phone all the info they needed.

I place my hand in y/ns hand squeezing it as if a way to reassure myself that she’ll be alright. “Wake up, please wake up” I plead as V tries shaking her a bit to see if she’d wake up.

Sirens can be heard outside of the house when the front door flies open to reveal Ian and another paramedic.

“What happened” Ian yelled running over to the side of y/n that V was at.

“What does it look like dip shit she passed out” I yell. I didn’t mean to be rude I was just really worried for her.

Ian carries her out of the house placing her in the gurney that was sitting just outside. I run out of the house with him making sure I didn’t get to far away from her.

“Can I come with” I plead looking at Ian and the woman that is with him. “Paramedics only” she says as he pushes the gurney into the back of the ambulance.

Your POV:

The sound of sirens fill my ears as my eyes start to slowly open. A quick flash of a light goes over my eyes. My vision becomes more clear as I see Ian in his paramedic uniform waving a thin flashlight in front of my eyes.

I look around at my surroundings realizing that I was in an ambulance. Seeing my body strapped to the gurney makes me freak out a little bit. I look around frantically trying to find any sort of reason why I’d be in there.

“Y/n calm down your okay” Ian says taking my head in his hands turning it towards him. “You passed out” he explains yelling something to the driver that I didn’t understand.

“We’re taking you to the hospital to do some tests” he says placing his fingers on my wrist. He yells something else about my pulse before taking it off my wrist.

“Where’s Carl?” I ask looking at Ian worry lacing my voice. I try to move my body but the restraints around my upper body makes it extremely difficult.

“Everyone’s ok they’ll all be at the hospital when you get out of testing” he reassures me before the ambulance comes to an abrupt stop.

The doors swing open as the woman driving takes the bottom end of the gurney while Ian takes the front. They roll me out of the back making sure I get into the emergency room safely.

The woman speaks to the doctors and nurses in some sort of doctor talk that I couldn’t comprehend.

I look towards Ian fear evident in my face as I silently ask what they are talking about. He looks back at me with a hand on my shoulder.

“There gonna place you in a room and do tests to see what happened” Ian explains rubbing my shoulder as a female doctor comes to my side. She escorts me to another room helping me switch from the gurney to the actual bed.

Both were extremely uncomfortable but I guess I didn’t really have a choice.

Carls POV:

Me, Fiona, Debbie, Lip, Liam, Franny, Veronica, and Kev run into the emergency room asking the people at the front millions of questions.

I pace around the room questions and worry filling my head.

Please god let her be ok

Kev and V walk over to me leading me over to the waiting room just off the side of the front desks.

“What’d they say” I asked Fiona running up to where she was sitting at a chair. She looks up at me with just as much worry as I had. “She didn’t say anything. She said to wait for a doctor” Fiona sighs placing her hands over her head.

“Fuck” I yell gaining the attention of all of the other people in the waiting room. Lip pulls me back into a chair wrapping his left arm around my shoulders. In a way it was comforting but the thought of her being in a hospital room was to large in my mind.

“She’ll be ok” Debbie says to me holding Franny up to her chest rocking her back and forth to keep her from freaking out.

I nod my head slowly tears coming to my eyes. “God I hope so” I say rubbing my hands down my legs.

Your POV:

A nurse and a doctor came in just as soon as I got in the room starting to tell me about all the tests they were gonna do on me.

Being completely honest at the time I wasn’t even paying attention to what they were saying. I was just worried about what everyone was thinking and how worried Carl was.

A few tests later the nurse walked in carrying a pink clip board. She had dark brown hair that was tied up into a tight ponytail. Her eyes glowed of brown.

“Hello miss y/l/n” she said sweetly walking over to the monitors hooked up to me.

“So it looks like everything looks good I just have a few questions for you if that alright with you” she asks looking down at me.

I nod my head still scared at the fact that I was all alone having to deal with the scary topics.

“When was the last time you ate or drank” she asks taking a pen out of her shirt pocket.

I think back to the small sip of coke that I had with Carl.

“I had a small sip of coca-Cola earlier today around 3 ish” I say trying to think back on what else I drank or ate.

Now that I think about it I haven’t eaten anything in 3 days. I haven’t drank anything in a few days either.

“The last time I ate or drank before that was, I think three days ago” I say looking up at her as she writes all of this information on her clipboard.

“Ok this is all great information. I’ll be back with the results of what’s going on” she smiles walking back over to the wide open door. “Thank you” I say her smiling at me before leaving to go speak with my doctor I assume.

A few minutes pass when a bunch of footsteps come running down the hall. Carl bursts into the room immediately running to my side.

Just as excited as him I wrap my wired arms around him letting tears of joy fall from my eyes. “I missed you so much” I cried tightening my already tight grip around him.

He tightens his grip too being careful of all of the wires attached to my body.

“I’m so glad your ok” he says pulling away from the hug to hold my face in his hands.

“I’m okay” I reassure him pulling his hands away from my face and into mine.

I look around the room to see everyone standing around looking at me with tears in their eyes. I didn’t realize until now just how much all of them really cared about my health and well being.

“I’m so glad to see you guys” I say leaning up on my bed. They all take turns hugging me of course Liam giving me the longest one. I’ve always had a connection with him. He’s always thought of me as a big sister.

The same nurse from before walks in slightly surprised to see the amount of people around.

“Well hello there” she chuckles walking over to the side of me that Carl wasn’t at. “I’m assuming your all her family” she says pointing towards me with her pen.

“Yes” Fiona immediately says making me smile.

I like that.

Family.

“Ok so we have the tests back and we found the cause on why she passed out today” she looks at me giving me a reassuring smile.

Fiona nods her head waiting for the nurse to explain the circumstances. Carl rubs my hand staring intently at the nurse just across from him.

“So the blood work came back normal. The only thing is that we had to start a drip for her because when she came in she was dehydrated” the nurse explains. 

“That’s the main reason she passed out but another factor could be that she hasn’t eaten anything in a few days” she says telling everything to the people around me.

Carl looks at me with sadness in his eyes realizing that all the work I’ve been doing for the past few days has occupied my mind so much to the point where I forgot to eat and drink.

“After the drip is gone and she has something to eat, and we do some more blood tests she’ll be good to go home” the nurse smiles checking the monitor next to me.

“I’ll leave you guys to it” she say walking back to the door. “Thank you so much” Fiona says looking to the nurse.

“Of course” she says walking back out of the room.

Everyone turns to me making me shrink down in my hospital bed. I hated this attention.

“I’ve been so stressed with school lately that I guess I forgot to do simple tasks such as eat and drink” I whisper looking down at me and carls intertwined fingers.

“Y/n we’re not mad. We’re just worried that’s all” Fiona says walking over to my other side placing a soft hand to my shoulder.

I nod my head feeling grateful that they weren’t mad.

We all sit around in the room talking about anything and everything as we wait for any sort of news from the nurse.

The room I was in didn’t have enough chairs so a few of the nurses had to bring in other chairs from a storage room.

Carl continued to sit next to me keeping his hand in mine the entire time.

A different nurse walked in carrying a plate of hospital food placing it off the the side at the small table next to Carl.

“Here’s your dinner sweetie” she says handing me a cup of water. “Thank you” I smile taking a long sip of the drink.

She walked back out of my room with a grin on her face. I look over towards Carl silently eyeing the food right next to him. He gets the hint taking the cover off of the food before silently asking me to sit up.

I sit up placing the extra pillow I had onto my lap so that the plate could rest on something. He places the plate onto the pillow making sure not spill anything onto me.

The food consisted of chopped up potato with some broccoli and some sort of pasta.

“Yum hospital food” i scrunch my face up with a tight lipped smile. Carl chuckles handing me a fork that the nurse left for me.

I take the fork from him before taking bites of the food in front of me.

To be honest it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

Everyone smiles when I start to eat making sure to engage in conversation to make it seem like they weren’t all waiting for me to eat.

Once I’ve finished the food and drank all the water the nurse from before that brought me the food came back to pick up everything that was left.

I left no food on the plate which made everyone including me feel happy. I go through a few cups of water, immediately making me feel better than earlier that day.

The nurse that told me and the others what happened walks back into the room a smile brighter than the lights in the room. “Okay so I have amazing news” she says coming over to the monitors.

“As long as you sign the papers she can go home as soon as possible” she says taking off any wires on my body that weren’t currently in me.

Fiona started signing the papers accepting anything she had to accept and writing any information she needed to write.

The nurse who’s name I found out was Emily started to take out my empty IV which signaled that I could leave as soon as I got changed out of the hospital gown.

With carls help I got out of the bed making sure to hold the back of the gown closed. I don’t need anyone seeing me from behind in my underwear.

Carls chuckle fills my ears when he sees what I’m doing with the gown. I glare at him grabbing my clothes before walking into the bathroom that was attached to the room.

I change back into my clothes walking back into the room feeling like a whole new person even though I was extremely tired.

The paper work gets turned into the front desk meaning I could go back home. The home that Carl and my family lived in.

Ian was standing outside now out of his uniform waiting for all of us. “How are you” ian asks coming over to me to look at me. “I’m doing good thanks to you” I smile wrapping my arms around him. He hugs me back rubbing my back with his hand.

“Come on let’s get you home” he says walking me over to the car. I get into the back seat Carl getting in right next to me.

There was two cars outside so that everyone would be able to get home safely without having to all cram into one car.

Lip gets into the driver seat as Ian gets into the passenger seat. Me, carl, and Liam sit in the back placing our seatbelts on. Liam was already sleeping against the window next to me.

I was sitting in the middle, Liam to my right, Carl to my left.

I let my body lean into Carl my head falling to his shoulder. The darkness outside flows passed as the car starts to head towards their house.

Carl kisses my forehead leaning his head on mine before wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again” he demands pulling me in tighter to his side. “I won’t” I say cuddling into his side.

The streetlights pass by making this moment even more perfect than it already was.

——————————————————————

A/n: Hi everyone! I hope you liked this imagine. If you have a request don’t hesitate to send it my way. I will try my best to get to it as soon as I can. Thank you for reading and I hope that you read my other ones as well!

Have a great day everyone!!

[alicerosejensen]

I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

I was exactly halfway into my second pregnancy, and up until that point, we were so ecstatic to be expecting again — a baby we’d been praying for. We kept talking about and imagining the joy it would be to bring our new baby home to meet our 2-year-old daughter. But at my 20-week ultrasound, a day that is supposed to be full of excitement and awe, we received devastating news. Our baby, a second daughter, had many severe and insurmountable skeletal and organ issues. Fetal specialists told us that it was extremely unlikely she could survive because all her major organ systems had significant development issues. We were blindsided and heartbroken, and yet somehow clear-minded. We chose to do what we believed was best for our unborn daughter as well as for our family; because that is what you do as parents. And we saw the choice we ultimately made as an act of love for her. We respect and honor that other parents have chosen — and will continue to choose — the only other option our doctor suggested to us — to let the pregnancy take its natural course and provide specialist or palliative care as needed. And that is the point. Individuals and their families — no matter where they happen to live — must be able to make the best choice for them. They need to be free to choose their own act of love. I believe now more than ever that anyone’s reason for seeking an abortion is valid. Who are we to say it isn’t? What we didn’t know when we made our decision was that in addition to being so difficult emotionally, it would be made so much worse by the abortion bans recently enacted in Idaho. Because of these cruel laws, my Idaho doctors could not provide me with an abortion — something they could easily have done before Roe v. Wade was overturned — in my own community supported by family and friends. We had to spend the following days cold-calling countless clinics in nearby states where abortion is still legal, but found out that because of all the other new abortion bans in states across the country, many clinics had closed, most had no open appointments for several weeks, and still others considered my pregnancy, at 20 weeks, too far along for me to receive care. The thought of waiting out this pregnancy, possibly for weeks, or however long, while trying to get through the day working as a chiropractor and still being active and present for our toddler was more than I could handle. All I could think about was whether the daughter I was carrying was already suffering; my anxiety and sadness were overwhelming. We both felt hopeless and heartbroken until we reached a Seattle clinic with a last-minute cancellation. Although relieved, there was so much we had to do to get there in the haze of our grief. There were flights to make, hotels to book, a car to rent and medical care our health insurance would not cover because we were going out of state to access and receive it. One of the most tragic — and degrading — parts of our situation was knowing that people in my home state of Idaho believe this is acceptable, denying me bodily autonomy. We will always be grateful to the clinic and team in Seattle for offering us professional, compassionate care. I am a person of faith and for months after my abortion, I kept telling Brandon there had to be something positive that would come out of this experience. Several months later, I learned that the Center for Reproductive Rights was putting together a challenge to Idaho’s abortion laws, and I knew immediately that moving forward as a plaintiff in the case was something I had to do. I’m proud to be one of the many women and doctors challenging and broadening these laws. Physicians in Idaho must have greater discretion over when abortion exceptions are warranted, and the decision should be the patient’s in consultation with their doctors.

[kairismess]

you're good enough.

🌻 characters: atsumu miya and tooru oikawa 🍰 genre: slight angst, but also fluff ! ✒️ word count: 745 💭 summary: he's been wanting to meet your family for a while now, but you've always put it off because you fear your mother'll say something unpleasant to your, and his face this time, again. he knows just how much you fear your mother, and instead of letting her degrading and humiliating words get to you... he showers you with all the love he can give and knows you deserve. 🍥 author's note: hey anon !! hoping this is how you wanted the fic :DD i'm sorry if it wasn't that focused on the angsty parts, i really hope this provided you comfort somehow, and to all those who struggle with parental issues like me, you're completely valid; who other people claim you are is not who you totally are and will be as a person. stay strong loves, and enjoy 💗

sensing the fear in your your voice and watching your eyes darken, he knows something unpleasant came from his words, or at least, the idea and intent behind them. the one thing he never wants to do is hurt you, or in this case, to make you feel helpless and scared. "hey... what's wrong? are you okay, dear?" he asks you, brushing away a stray lock of your hair and gently cupping your face with his larger, calloused yet gentle, palms. your cheeks felt cold against his warm hands, probably because of how anxious and intimidating the thought of him meeting your mother was to you.

nothing good ever came of you bringing close friends or people you fancied home to meet your mother, even if the rest of your family were okay with them, it was your mother specifically that always had a problem with every person you brought to your home; and in a way... with just, you. you never could figure out why your mother was so hard on you often times, she'd make little comments about you that'd sting, be direct about whether or not she liked something you were passionate about, and... would often pressure you, but would always tell you, "it's for your own good."

you didn't know anymore what 'your own good' was, and it made you feel angry about yourself, but you never thought of yourself usually, unless it came to him. he seemed so perfect, so charming, so put together and talented; everything your mother made you feel like you weren't.

you nodded your head hastily, forcing the corners of your lips to curl up into a smile. "...you sure?" he asks you, doubting the credibility of your smile. he's seen you smile many times, but only on a handful of occasions has he ever seen you give him a real smile. he notices the brightness of your smile was barely even there, the way your eyes crinkled up and how your cheeks raised didn't feel natural; he was very keen about the details of your face like that.

your smile soon faltered, and he immediately flashed you a gentle smile of his own, his face softening as his hands dropped down to clasp your hands in his own. "is it about me wanting to meet your mom?" you nod at his question after nearly a minute of silence. he nods in return, there must've been something that made you uncomfortable about that notion.

"well... i know your mom isn't... the nicest, nor the most supportive person in your life, but... if you don't feel brave enough, it's okay. we don't need to go," he reassures you, squeezing your hand in his. "but don't feel like you're an idiot for rejecting the idea, you aren't stupid, not like she says... you're a very understanding person, very loving, so loving that even if she drives you crazy, or if i drive you up a wall and smother you with all my love—you still consider other people's feelings," he told you with a beaming grin, moving his face closer to yours.

his nose brushed against yours as he rubbed the back of your hand with the pads of his fingers, chuckling under his breath. "for every bad thing you're mom, or anyone for that matter, has ever said or done to you... i'll give you every sweet thing you deserve from me, whatever you want, i'll give it; whatever you need... i'll make sure you have it. and of course... i'll keep reminding you of the truth," he tells you as he tilts your chin up with his thumb and looks you in the eye.

"you're beautiful, smart, caring, talented, unique, and worth loving. that's why i pursued you as the only one i'd ever want, sure, we're just teenagers for now, but... i want to reassure you like this not just a day, a week, nor a month from now; but forever, if you'll let me. i can't fully undo some of the damage you might have gotten from her or others, but... i'll help plant good memories in that beautiful garden of your mind, i promise," he murmurs, gently kissing your forehead as you feel the hot tears roll down your cheeks and stain your shirt.

he immediately dotes on you and kisses the corners of your eyes after wiping your tears away. "that's my girl, my beautiful, strong girl, who i'll love for eternity."

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 7, Unburdened - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, brutal honesty, mentions of some sexy stuff, but no actual sex-on-page, mention of m masturbation,

Word Count: 3k

Previously On...: Bucky spent the entire evening at Jade Carthage's side, and when he calls her "doll," you had enough and stormed off. The two of you have the very first argument of your friendship, and now Bucky says you need to talk...

A/N: I had a very shitty and emotionally draining evening yesterday, so I didn't get any writing done, unfortunately. But I need to make myself feel better somehow, so let's post Chapter 7! I think many of you will agree with me when I say "Fucking finally!" to what transpires here! Alas, though, there are plenty of emotional ups and downs still to come, because that's just life, isn't it?

Also, I finally watched Lisa Frankenstein to cheer myself up last night. What a delightfully messed up, fun, campy romp that was! Highly recommend if you haven't already!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321

The silence in your room felt deafening as you closed the door behind Bucky. For the very first time in your friendship, it felt awkward having him in your space, and you could tell he felt it, too. You crossed over to your sitting area and sat in one of your arm chairs, curling up into yourself. Bucky sat in the chair opposite you, leaning his elbows on his thighs to support his weight. The two of you just stared into space for a long moment, avoiding the other's gaze.

"You wanted to talk," you said eventually, "so talk."

Bucky looked up to meet your eyes, and you could see the sadness and defeat in them. "I'm sorry, Pocket. You're right, I've been an ass all night. I didn't do it with the intention to hurt you, but I hurt you anyway because I wasn't thinking about how my actions would affect you, and that's almost worse. I'm sorry."

You exhaled and looked away from him, afraid that if you held his gaze for too long, you wouldn't be able to stop the tears that would certainly come. "Listen, Buck," you said, swallowing hard, "if you're interested in pursuing something with Jade, that's... well, it's your life, you're free to date whoever you want. We never put any labels or rules on whatever this thing between us is, so I know I don't have any right to be jealous, but watching you flirt so openly with her right in front of me, like I didn't even exist? I can't begin to explain to you how worthless and small that made me feel. So, if you think you want to try for something with her, you have to let me know so I can try to move on, because I can't sit around and watch it happen. It's too painful."

When you looked back over at him, Bucky had gotten up and was now kneeling on the floor in front of you, practically beaming as he took you in.

"Why are you smiling like a lunatic?" you asked, an edge of concern in your voice. "You're creeping me out."

"Pocket," he murmured, cupping your face in his hands as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. For a moment, you considered pulling away, but the feel of his lips on your skin was such a comfort, you stayed still. "My absolute one and only doll, you've got it all wrong. I let you get the wrong idea and stew with it and I am so, so sorry."

You did pull away at that. "What are you talking about? How do I have the wrong idea?"

Bucky leaned back until he was resting on his heels. "I am interested in Jade, that's true." He took your hands in his as you felt your heart drop into your stomach. "But not in the way you think." He brought your hands to his lips and began placing kisses across your knuckles. "Doll, there's only been one girl I've been interested in pursuing something with in the last seventy-five years, and I'm sitting across from her right now."

You shook your head, sure you had misheard him. "I don't understand."

He chuckled and looked up at you through his lashes, the sight so beautiful, your breath caught in your chest. "Pocket, I have been crazy about you since the moment you made that god-awful 'unarmed' joke. At first I thought a girl as pretty as you, as smart as you, as good as you, you'd never give a guy like me, even without my history, a second look, and I'd be content to just watch you from the sidelines, you know? Watch you be beautiful and bright and I'd be happy my world was a better place just because you were in it.

"But you went outta your way to be nice to me. You talked Tolkien with me, you wanted to spend time with me, you wanted to be my friend, and I thought 'This is already more than you deserve, it's more than enough.' Then, when I had my nightmare, you didn't run away. You stayed. You stayed, and you understood, you let me hold you, and I-I was a goner for you. And that night...," he groaned at the memory, "God, that night you kissed me back, and you let me touch you, in all the ways I dreamed of touching you, all the ways I'd imagined touching you while I fucked my fist for practically a year, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to give you up after that.

"You'd told me about your past, how you were scared of relationships but, sweetheart, I was so greedy, I'd take any part of you you were willing to give me, your friendship, your body, even if it wasn't ever gonna be your heart. I'd take any crumb you offered me, and I'd be grateful for it."

You blinked your eyes repeatedly, dazed by his confession and unable to articulate words. Bucky's face fell as your silence stretched on.

"You don't feel the same way," he said, voice low as he stood up. "I'm sorry-- I-I shouldn't have dumped all of that on you. I'll go--." He turned and made steps toward your door, but you jumped up, reaching out to grab his arm.

"Bucky, wait," you turned him back to face you and brought your lips crashing to his with such intensity that he stumbled backwards a few steps before wrapping his arms around you to kiss you back.

"I love you," you gasped when you broke apart for air, breathing out a laugh when his eyes widened comically in shock. "I'm so fucking in love with you that it terrifies me, because it's an entirely brand new experience and I don't know how to do it. I'm so worried that I'm going to fuck it up and scare you away, or that you're gonna realize I'm not worth it and I don't even know how to live without you anymore."

Bucky held your face between his hands. "Are you serious right now?" he asked, eyes searching yours for any trace of deception. "You're not fucking with me?"

You shook your head emphatically, bringing your hands up to cover his. "No, no, I'm completely serious. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes." You laughed; the more you said the words, the more you realized how entirely true they were. "I love you and I've been so insanely jealous all night because I thought you were interested in her."

Bucky looked down at you with the brightest smile, like the sun shining after a storm, before pulling you toward him so he could kiss you again. You hadn't even realized you'd started to cry until, after Bucky had pulled away, he was brushing the tears from your cheeks.

"I love you, Pocket," he whispered as he began peppering kisses across your face. "I love you and I'm so sorry for everything I did tonight that would make you doubt that you're the most important person in my life and the best thing to ever happen to me."

The reminder of his earlier actions drew you out of the emotional haze his declaration had put you in. "Wait," you said, pulling back and putting some distance between the two of you, "if you've been in love with me this whole time, how come you've been weird about Jade ever since you saw her profile in those folders Tony gave us?" Bucky ran a hand down his face and sighed. Taking your hand, he led you back to the armchair you'd previously vacated and sat, pulling you down to sit on his lap and wrapping his arms around you.

"I told you that I am interested in Jade," he began, but when he felt you tense beneath him, he quickly continued, "but I'm not interested in dating her, or sleeping with her. You're the only girl who's got my attention in those departments." He paused to nuzzle at the junction of your neck and shoulder and you took the opportunity to run your fingers through his hair.

"Go on," you gently urged him.

"I'm interested in getting to know Jade, in talking to her, because she's... well, she's like me, you know? She's got the serum, and I don't know anyone else who's got it that's still alive."

You put a finger on his chin, tilting his face up to meet yours. "But, Steve," you said, somewhat confused, "he's got the serum, too, and you talk to him all the time."

Bucky sighed and shook his head. "Steve's got Erskine's serum," he told you. "The one made by the U.S. Government. The one that they-- that Hydra-- used on me, it was similar, but not the same."

"It's the same one that was used on Jade," you said, understanding dawning on you.

Bucky nodded. "Not exact, but what's running through her veins evolved from what's runnin' through mine. And they never put her through cryo, she's never been wiped. She was conscious through everything they put her through, all the experiments, the tests... I was excited to think that there was someone I could talk to about it, who understood. Someone who could maybe help me fill in some of the blanks I still have. Answer the questions I've been too ashamed to ask Steve."

"Oh, Buck," you hummed, running your nails gently across his scalp, "Baby, why didn't you ever say anything?"

He arched into your touch. "Because you've already had to put up with enough of my shit," he said. "I didn't want to burden you with any more of it."

You stopped your scratching ministrations and looked at him. "Now listen here, Barnes," you began, your tone serious, "the last thing you could ever be to me is a burden. I have never met anyone who was funnier, kinder, braver, more selfless or caring than you. You're a fucking gift, Bucky. One that I am endlessly grateful for, everyday."

Bucky groaned. "Pocket, you can't just say things like that while you're sitting on my lap. I try to be a gentleman, but I've got my limits."

You laughed and leaned into him, resting your head against him. You picked up his right hand and began tracing his fingers with your own.

"If me talkin' to Jade makes you any kind of uncomfortable, doll, I promise I'll never speak to, or even look at, her again." He caught your eye and you could see the seriousness of his statement in them. You leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

"I'm never going to tell you who you can't be friends with, Buck," you told him with a sigh. "I admit that I don't love the idea of you spending one-on-one time with her alone or anything, but I'm also not going to stand in the way of you getting answers you need about your past. But you tell me the second she tries something," you warned. "Super soldier or not, she comes for my man, I'm gonna kick her fucking ass."

"You've got nothin' to worry about, darlin'. I told you, in seventy-five years, it's only been you. Seventy-five years more, it's still always only ever be you." His words made your heart swell in your chest and you leaned in to kiss him again. "Mm, but say that again," he told you.

"The part where I'm gonna kick her ass?" you asked with a smirk.

"No," he said, nipping at the sensitive skin at the pulse point on your neck, "the part where you called me your man."

You shifted so you could wrap your arms around his neck, toying with the soft hairs at the nape. You leaned in close so you could whisper in his ear: "You're my man, Bucky Barnes." A full shiver went through Bucky's body at your words and you relished in the effect you had over him. He ran his vibranium hand up under the back of your shirt, tracing gentle circles on the skin of your lower back.

"And you're always gonna be my girl, Pocket." His flesh hand came up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear, the motion, combined with his words, so tender your breath hitched.

Something seemed to shift in that moment, the air growing thick and heady between you, as if you were both just realizing the new depth of your relationship for the first time.

"Bucky," you breathed, voice barely a whisper, eyes pleading.

He nodded and, placing one hand at the small of your back and the other under your knees and scooping you up as he stood. With the utmost care, he laid you down on the mattress of your bed and rested his body over yours, careful not to put too much of his weight on top of you.

"This feels different," he said as brushed your hair away from your face.

"Good different or bad different?" you asked, bringing your hands up to cup his face, the stubble scratching your palms.

"The very best different." He leaned down, bringing his lips to yours. The kiss was unlike any you'd shared before-- sweeter, more languid, as though you'd been forced to rush every previous kiss and you were both finally allowed to take your time. Bucky tasted like smoked whiskey as his tongue made leisurely sweeps across your mouth, eliciting a moan from you when he sucked on your bottom lip.

You could feel your arousal pooling between your thighs as you kissed, Bucky's flesh hand roaming up the soft skin of your side. He shifted, pressing more of his weight against you, as if he were desperate to be closer, and you could feel the hard press of his erection against your thigh.

You rocked your hips up against his pelvis, drawing a guttural moan from Bucky's throat. He pulled back, drawing himself up on his haunches. His fingers found their way to the hem of your shirt, teasing the edges as he looked up at you, silently asking you for permission. You nodded, sitting up and raising your hands over your head so he could slide your shirt off. As soon as it was free of your arms, Bucky tossed it aside and brought his lips to your shoulder, kissing his way across your collarbone.

Reaching down, you grabbed the hem of his Henley, slowly rolling it up over his abdomen, placing soft kisses on the hard lines of muscles it revealed. Once you'd fully divested him of his shirt, you let your hands roam the broad expanse of his chest, your lips and tongue trailing open-mouthed kisses across the raised pink scars at his mangled shoulder.

"You don't have to," he said, subtly pulling his shoulder back.

"Shush." You pulled him closer, continuing to kiss his puckered flesh. "I love every inch of you, Bucky. You're beautiful."

He pulled away from you, blue eyes boring into yours like he couldn't believe what he was seeing in front of him.

"How are you even real?" he asked, bringing your lips to his once again, his kisses growing more desperate. "I swear to God, Pocket, 'm gonna take you out, date you so fuckin' hard. Be the best goddamned boyfriend you've ever had."

He wanted to be your boyfriend. Not long ago, those words might have terrified you, but now, with the emotions you'd finally both let yourselves express, they thrilled you.

"You gonna take me to brunch, Barnes?" you teased, nipping at his skin as you rolled your hips up into his, your words coming out in gasps between the mewls of pleasure he was drawing from you. "We goin' to the farmer's market? Fuck--- Spend weekends at bed-n-breakfasts in Vermont?"

Bucky growled as he ground his hips down into yours, the length of his erection pressing down against your clothed clit and making you moan. "Sweetheart, I'll do anything you want. You wanna ride around the city on one of those tandem bicycles?" A dragging of his hips that had you arching your back. "I'm here for it. You wanna share a bowl of spaghetti like those dogs in that movie? I'm your man."

"Baby, I would never make you get on a tandem bike," you gasped, faux scandalized at the suggestion. "A swan paddle boat, maybe, but never a tandem bike. I respect you too much for that."

Bucky laughed as he buried into the crook of your neck. "I'd do it for you, anyway."

"That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me," you told him with a smile.

"Oh, baby," he moaned, licking a stripe along the side of your neck that had you shivering, "We gotta fix that. I'm gonna romance the absolute shit out of you." He moved his mouth, placing kisses down your collar bone, between the valley of your breasts, and down your stomach. You bit your lip as his hands reached the waistband of your pants, his eyes looking up to meet yours as he slowly, so agonizingly slowly, began unbuttoning them.

"Ms. (Y/L/N), Sgt. Barnes," FRIDAY's voice echoed across the room. Bucky groaned and dropped his head on your pelvis at the interruption. "Mr. Stark requests your immediate return to the common room."

It was your turn to groan now as you threw your head back onto the pillow. "How much trouble do you think we'll be in if we just ignore it?" you asked him, reaching down to card your fingers through his hair.

He chuckled as he leaned over to pick up your discarded shirts from the floor. "We don't go, he's libel to come barging in, and I don't know about you, but I'm not keen on Stark getting a load of my bare ass as I'm plowing balls-deep into his favorite little protégé," he said, winking at you as he pulled his Henley back over his head.

"Ew," you laughed, "everyone knows Parker's Tony's favorite little protégé these days. Thank you for that mental image."

Bucky shot you a sardonic look. "Arms, smartass," he said, indicating for you to lift your arms above your head so he could put your shirt back on you. "You got some mouth on you. I ever tell you how much I love it?"

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

[valeriianz]

You are an obsession, you're my obsession Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

“Hello, Hob,” a low, sultry, and achingly familiar voice speaks behind him, cutting through the heavy bass reverberating off the walls and straight through Hob’s chest, lighting him up.

Turning, Hob finds– who he’d been referring to as– his stranger behind him, close enough to reach out and touch. They’re in the middle of the dance floor, bodies packed and grinding all night, but somehow they’ve given them room now.

Hob was dreaming, he was aware of it almost immediately. He’s been thrown back into the 1980s, one of Hob’s favorite periods of the 20th century, and in a nightclub no less. The music loud enough to penetrate skin, feeling the twangy synth pop in his bones. Everyone around him dressed in every color of the rainbow, over accessorized in neon hoop earrings and bangles, leg warmers, windbreakers, and mesh patterns. 

Hob’s dreams often took him back in time, and he wondered what prompted this. Though as Hob often did in his dreams, instead of considering why, he simply indulged. The music wasn’t anything particular, perhaps nothing was actually playing and it was all in his head, but Hob had felt the push and pull of everyone around him and followed along like a buoy at sea.

And now, feeling drunk off the sticky sweet air in the room, Hob grins as he boldly steps into his stranger’s space and slips both arms around his middle, pulling so his skinny, pale, gorgeous friend is flush against him.

He’d been dancing with strangers all night, shadows with indeterminate faces, allowing them to trace patterns on his skin, grip his shoulders or tug on his shirt. Hob hadn’t been dancing or even hanging around loud bars or clubs in decades, maybe somewhere deep in his subconscious, he missed it. Missed the anonymity of it all, getting high off everyone else’s pleasure and succumbing to it. So it made sense, as Hob felt himself getting hot, his skin prickling, that his imagination would wander, drifting to his perfect stranger. The only constant in his life, and someone who frequented Hob’s dreams often, especially as their centennial meetings came around or passed.

Though this iteration of his friend appeared distinctly… solid. He was dressed in that long black coat and skinny jeans from their last meeting (where he’d apologized, apologized! And called Hob a friend), his black hair gently tousled as before.

Hob paid it no mind as his tongue finally became useful and spoke for him.

“Hello, stranger.” he tried his best to mimic his friend’s deep voice and giggled at himself, cataloging the twitch of amusement in his usual stony face.

“You were thinking about me.” He spoke again, choosing to not point out how Hob currently had his arms ensnared around him and swaying them back and forth. “In a place like this.”

His stranger cast his gaze about the room and Hob noticed, in the pulsing lights, his eyes were black, all the way to the sclera, not the crystal blue that Hob had become so acquainted with. It was startling, and as the strobe lights began to flicker, Hob watched his friend’s eyes shimmer as well, like stars dancing in the night sky.

“I’m always thinking about you,” Hob spoke, transfixed. He hadn’t meant to say that, but fuck it, this was a dream and he’d said and done much worse with his oldest friend, to this stranger, in the comfort of his own head. “Even if I don’t know your bloody name yet.”

Those piercing eyes focused back on Hob and he felt himself physically wobble, holding onto his friend now for support.

“Oh, I am aware.” Hob caught his breath at the genuine smile his friend gave him, much like the one in the New Inn just days ago. “But you do know my name, you must, in order to summon me like this.”

Hob huffed, impatient. His friend’s hands were still resolutely at his side, unmoving even as Hob squeezed and swayed with a little more force.

“Sure, Dream Stranger,” Hob’s arms eased up just enough to slot his hands against bony hips and pull, making him stagger forward. Hob smirked, elated at the absolute shock reflected in the man’s expression.

“Now get with the program,” Hob leaned in, touching his nose to his stranger’s, the slight gasp it caused going straight to Hob’s cock. “And put your hands on me.”

He didn’t pull away, which was good. This dream had been derailed long enough. And finally, finally Hob’s dream lifted his arms and surrounded Hob’s face in his hands.

Big hands, Hob realized as his entire body went still. Big fucking hands, with long fingers, cool to the touch, and slipping back into his hair. Hob felt like he’d been electrocuted, his face forced forward, pupils shaking as he met his stranger dead on, getting lost in the inky black atmosphere of his impalpable eyes.

“Ah,” Hob eloquently said, swallowing hard. “This is different.”

“Is it?” His stranger gave a smirk of his own, lips turning up sharp at the corners, like they could cut. “How do these dreams normally proceed?”

Slowly, like pieces fitting into a puzzle, understanding trickles in Hob’s brain and his eyes go wide, his heart stopping before kicking back up in double time.

“Oh, you’re– really here, aren’t you.” It’s not a question. Hob would feel more embarrassed about this if his ancient friend wasn’t holding him at eye level, scrutinizing in an obnoxiously amusing way.

“Yes.”

Hob wets his lips and doesn’t miss how the galaxy flicks down to watch the motion. “And your name is…”

“Dream.” His fingers tangle further into Hob’s hair, gripping it and causing Hob’s jaw to drop with a not-so-quiet groan.

He leans in close, cold lips brushing Hob’s jaw and making every hair stand on end. 

“I would appreciate it if you used it now, Hob Gadling.”

Hob’s eyes flutter shut, his fingers pressing on narrow hips hard enough to bruise. “Dream?”

“Mm…” Dream purrs, like a cat content, as he nuzzles his way up Hob’s neck to speak hotly in his ear. “Again.”

Hob gasps like the air has been ripped from him as Dream bites the top of his ear, sending a bolt of electricity down his spine and causing his hips to twitch involuntarily.

“Dream.” Hob tilts his head, exposing his neck as Dream’s lips drag along the stubble there, licking and nibbling as he goes. “Oh my god–”

“Again.” The demand is punctuated with one hand moving from Hob’s hair to his backside, groping roughly and setting Hob on fire as he feels the confined outline of Dream’s arousal press against his own straining erection.

“Fuck–” Hob releases Dream’s hips and holds onto his face instead, pulling it from his abused neck and forcing their mouths together.

The kiss is the most grounding Hob has ever felt, but also fleeting, delicate like a cloud. Hob holds on like Dream could vanish, melt into the floorboards or dissolve into a pile of sand– sand! God, Hob was an idiot.

Dream’s tongue invades Hob’s mouth like a cavalry, drowning Hob. Bites his bottom lip like a brand, a claim, drawing blood and making Hob shake with want. The dance floor suddenly becomes vacant, people vanishing, music filtering out like a volume knob had been turned down. Hob’s hands settle on Dream’s shoulders and push, walking them backwards until Dream’s back connects with a wall and Hob thrusts his entire body onto him. The impact forces a cough of surprise from Dream and Hob likes it, elated to elicit any kind of reaction from his friend.

“You make me crazy,” Hob bites out, pressing his own fingers against Dream’s throat and up into his silky soft hair, grabbing it and watching his friend to see how his eyes glint something hot and dangerous. “You know that?”

“Would you demonstrate it for me?” Dream’s lips curl, enticing and provoking, daring Hob to say yes. To take Dream apart and show him every fantasy he’s ever conjured up. To act on every impure thought Hob’s ever had, every fleeting glance or touch turned purposeful and laden with desire.

Hob would take Dream apart, if that’s what he wished. And here, in his dream, anything was possible, and Hob intended to keep him here as long as he could, letting Dream into his darkest whims and satisfactions. Perhaps he already knew, could feel it in Hob, the way Dream made him ache, the way he made him hunger. 

Slipping his fingers through Dream’s belt loops, Hob pulled as he rolled his hips, connecting their fronts and knocking his head back with the bolt of pleasure. Dream’s hands fisted into his shirt and held on as they met again and again.

“Hob–” Dream crooned, his mouth at his collarbone.

“Yes,” Hob finally answered, his head coming down to watch Dream, seduced by the exploding cosmos in his eyes. “I would show you everything.”

[drakaripykiros130ac]

In defense of Prince Daemon Targaryen: I am getting pretty sick and tired of him being perceived as a cheater without any proof whatsoever.

We can all agree that Fire & Blood was written by maesters who supported the Greens, and they have not hidden their distaste for Daemon while retelling the events of the Dance. Safe to say that they are extremely subjective and have a tendency to spit on both Daemon and Rhaenyra. You can sense it while reading.

Now, in terms of Daemon’s sexual life, everyone knows how much he despised his first wife, with whom he had a marriage on paper only. He didn’t live with her, did not hide his dislike of her and constantly insulted her in public. He also did not bother to hide the fact that he constantly spent his time on the Street of Silk, bedding whores during his marriage to Rhea Royce, not to mention his long affair with Mysaria.

Daemon’s marriage to Rhea Royce was not considered a real marriage, in my book. It was not consummated and they didn’t live together. Not to mention that Daemon didn’t even say his marriage vows. His grandmother, Queen Alysanne, had to do it for him. Him bedding whores during this farce of a union cannot be considered cheating either.

Now, when it comes to his other two marriages to women he chose (Laena and Rhaenyra), there are only rumors. Pure gossip without any proof whatsoever:

1. That Daemon slept with Rhaenyra while married to Laena

2. That Daemon had a threesome with Laena and Rhaenyra the same time he was married to Laena

3. That Daemon was sleeping with Mysaria while married to Rhaenyra, and living at the Red Keep (and even more scandalous: that Rhaenyra was somehow ok with it and even gave her permission - this is such a big fat lie)

4. That Daemon started an affair with Nettles while being married to Rhaenyra

There is no proof that any of this happened. No proof whatsoever. Just whispers and gossip, because of course, Daemon sleeps around while married to Rhea Royce, and he must be doing the same while married to his other wives too, right?

Wrong!

Daemon chose to wed Laena and Rhaenyra, not to mention that these two women are Valyrian, and in his eyes, worthy of his respect.

Now, my opinion on the rumors above mentioned:

1. Even though Daemon was still carrying a torch for the Princess, and Rhaenyra spent a lot of time on Driftmark, I seriously doubt that Daemon would have cheated on Laena. Yes, he wanted Rhaenyra, but he wouldn’t have done that to Laena, a Valyrian wife he chose who gave him two daughters, and became pregnant once more. Not to mention that Rhaenyra and Laena were close friends. Rhaenyra would not have done something like that to her. Bottom line: although Daemon and Rhaenyra still had feelings for one another, there is no proof they slept with each other behind her back, and neither would have done that to her.

2. I seriously doubt this rumored “threesome” ever happened, even with Laena’s consent. It’s just weird. Rhaenyra was married to Laena’s brother, and she and Laena were close friends. As close friends as these two women were, I doubt that Laena would have agreed to share her husband with Rhaenyra. Again: this is nothing more than gossip, based on the fact that Rhaenyra spent a lot of time on Driftmark.

3. This one is wrong on so many levels! Rhaenyra is highly possessive of Daemon throughout their marriage. That much is clear. Do you honestly expect me to believe that she would have agreed to let Daemon restart his affair with Mysaria??? She threw a fit at the simple thought of Nettles seducing Daemon.

And why would Daemon get together with a woman much older than his niece/wife?

Once again: vile rumors without proof. Was he seen sharing a room with Mysaria after the Fall of King’s Landing? Were they seen together? No.

4. Ah, the absolute favorite. Daemon was so close to the girl the same age as his daughters, that he started bedding her. What proof is there?

He gave her gifts? He gave her a brush and some decent clothes because she was poor and a mess. He didn’t give her gifts which indicate courting, like he did Rhaenyra: jewels and silks.

He was caught bathing with her? Was he really?

The absolute truth about Daemon’s “relationship” with Nettles was revealed when he received Rhaenyra’s letter of paranoia, asking him to get rid of the girl.

Daemon was visibly saddened and instantly recognized Mysaria’s work to try to undermine him in front of Rhaenyra. Mysaria was interested in getting more power, as Rhaenyra’s closest advisor, and she knew that would never happen as long as Daemon still had her trust. She saw the distressed state in which Rhaenyra was after the two bastards betrayed her. She believed Addam and Nettles were not to be trusted either. And to add to that paranoia, Mysaria whispered in Rhaenyra’s ear that Daemon was cheating on her with that girl.

Daemon may have gotten close to Nettles (it is also speculated that she may have been his bastard daughter), but people are quick to believe the worst of him. If he is not with Rhaenyra 24/7 but with another person, then he is automatically cheating on her with that person.

This is all such complete bullshit of green propaganda.

Don’t even get me started on the rumor that Daemon somehow survived the Battle of God’s Eye and went off to be with Nettles. People who say this clearly have zero understanding of Daemon Targaryen. He would have never abandoned his family or the chance to bring House Targaryen to the power it was during the Conqueror’s reign. This is what defined him. This was his life purpose. And you’re telling me he somehow survived that pretty fatal fall, abandoned Rhaenyra, Aegon, Baela and Rhaena and disappeared with a bastard girl he knew for a short time? Please…

Rhaenyra was the it woman of Daemon’s life. She was literally the wife of his dreams, and he did everything in his power to be with her. As soon as Laena died, he arranged Laenor’s death to free Rhaenyra from that useless marriage and marry her himself. She was the mother of his sons, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Daemon had no reason to be unfaithful to her, nor do we have any proof that he ever was, except the words of highly subjective, misogynistic idiots who are pissed that the bloodline they rooted for didn’t prevail.

[cherienymphe]

Only For Tonight (Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader x Topper Thornton)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, cuckolding, threesome, toxic relationship, non canon ages, drug use, underage drinking, pre established Rafe x reader

➥ banner by @maysdigitalarts​ | divider by @firefly-graphics​

➥ This can be read as a stand alone piece but it is technically the prequel to Wicked Games​​​​​​​​

summary: Rafe’s ego outweighs his jealousy when he decides to show you off one night, proving that best friends really do share everything. 

~

You wistfully stared out of the window as your boyfriend drove by The Wreck, a sigh trapped deep down in your chest. You hadn’t been by there in so long, and the brief glimpses you got of your friends here and there weren’t enough. Or were they considered former friends now? Pope and John B had long given up on you, but JJ still reached out occasionally. Kie texted you every chance she could, and Sarah…

Sarah was the only one you saw on a regular basis.

You were dating her brother, after all.

You and Rafe had been unexpected for all parties involved. Nights spent at Sarah’s had you running into the blond man more often than usual, interacting with him more often than usual, and as it turns out, you hadn’t been imagining those lingering gazes and soft brushes of fingers along skin.

Rafe Cameron had been into you, and he’d made that clear under no uncertain terms.

You remembered how you had laughed, thinking he was joking. Even after he’d told you how serious he was, eyes dark and jaw clenched, you’d still laughed. Rafe Cameron? Into a Pogue? It sounded like a bad joke or even worse dare. You hadn’t given it anymore thought when you got home, but by the next day, you weren’t laughing anymore.

You didn’t laugh when flowers started showing up at your job, your boss and coworkers teasing you about your secret admirer. You didn’t laugh when notes started appearing on your car, a frown on your face at the surprisingly romantic words scrawled along the small cards. You definitely hadn’t laughed when you came home, and your mom excitedly showed you her new car.

That had been the last straw.

“So, you think you can buy me?” you had demanded of him at a party one night.

He’d snorted a small line of coke before rolling his head towards you, long lashes fluttering as he stared you down. His friends had made themselves scarce, grumbling and throwing you both nervous looks as they did. You hadn’t moved when he stood, getting close and personal as he leaned in.

“I told you that I liked you-.”

“…and this is how you show it? Flowers and gifts and cars?”

You sounded incredulous, and Rafe chuckled, shoving his hands into his pocket.

“Yeah, this is how I show it,” he’d said, face so serious that you frowned. “When I like someone, I do nice things for them. I spoil them and make their life easier and do what I can to see them smile.”

You’d been taken aback by that, lips parting as you were now forced to take him seriously. His brows were drawn together, blue eyes searching yours, and you suddenly felt…silly. You’d shuffled on your feet, clearing your throat as you had to accept that this was real.

Rafe liked you.

“Oh…”

“Yeah…oh.”

You had glanced away, face suddenly heating up and heart fluttering in your chest under his heated stare.

“I didn’t… Why?” you’d wondered, looking all sorts of confused.

You were a Pogue, so it was understandable. He’d shrugged, doing that thing with his face that told you he wasn’t quite sure himself.

“I just do,” he’d said. “…and I don’t think I can stomach the thought of you with someone who isn’t me, so…”

Somehow that had flattered you, and days later, you’d found yourself having a serious conversation with Sarah. She’d looked shocked, maybe even a bit worried, but she’d given you the ‘okay’. Telling you that as long as you were happy, she’d support it.

It had started slow. Going out to eat here, hanging out at the beach there, but all too soon, you were wrapped up in the whirlwind that was your relationship with Rafe Cameron. He started to consume every part of your life, and you hadn’t even noticed until Pope had harshly asked you when you’d remember they even existed.

You had felt horrible, like the worst friend, and you’d made up for it at first. You made the effort to divide your time between your old world and your new one evenly. It worked at first, but then Rafe started talking you into more parties you just ‘couldn’t say no to’, and getting you so drunk you’d forget all about meeting up with your friends or forcing you to come on his tongue for hours until you passed out from exhaustion.

Somehow, you’d started seeing them less and less until you just…didn’t.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Rafe’s low voice pulled you from your thoughts, and you turned your head towards him just as a hand landed on your thigh. His fingers dipped underneath your skirt just a tad, grazing the skin there, and you smiled at him.

“Just thinking… Next time we go out, we should go to The Wreck,” you proposed.

It wasn’t the first time you suggested it as of late, and like before, you watched the way Rafe’s brows furrowed just a tad. He was facing the road again, and his jaw clenched before he looked back at you with a crooked smile.

“Next time…”

He’d said that before, and although you knew better, part of you hoped that he meant it this time. His general attitude towards Pogues was no secret, but you still hadn’t been prepared for how little you’d see your friends when you started dating. It was obvious that Rafe didn’t like you hanging out with them despite being one yourself, but you had initially written it off as nothing.

But now his world had taken over yours, and you didn’t even know how to go about fixing it.

The house wasn’t empty anymore when you finally made it back, Ward in the kitchen when you walked in. He was just hanging up the phone as you and Rafe set the takeout boxes down onto the counter.

“We brought you guys something to eat,” you told him.

There was a fond smile on the older man’s face at your words. You knew that he wasn’t your biggest fan with you being from The Cut and all, but you could tell there was some appreciation there for how much Rafe had mellowed out since dating you.

“Well, thank you, Y/N,” he replied, an emphasis on your name because nobody seemed to know Rafe better than his own father.

The two of you had argued in the restaurant for over 15 minutes over whether or not to get food for the rest of his family too. Clearly, you’d won. You threw him a sheepish look as he saw right through your original statement, and you went to put the food away as he pulled the blond into some discussion you’d rather not be present for.

“Look, Rafe, I just need you to do a little better, alright? Not just for my sake, but for poor Y/N’s too…”

You closed the fridge in time to meet Ward’s eye.

“…she can’t spend all her time looking after you,” he joked.

You gave a light chuckle at that, grimacing at the way Rafe rolled his eyes.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he mumbled, reaching for you as he made his way upstairs.

“You know Ward was just messing around,” you said as you moved through the dark hallway, trying to placate him.

He didn’t respond right away, a low sigh escaping him as he closed the door behind you. He pulled you against him, arm curved around your neck as he pressed his lips to your forehead. You both felt and heard him breathe you in.

“Yeah,” he quietly said, but it didn’t sound convincing.

It was amazing really how the man who Rafe strived so hard to seek approval from could put him in such a bad mood with only a few words. He pulled away from you to undress, reaching behind his head to pull off his shirt. He told more so than asked you to join him in the shower, and you were unsurprised when he kissed you halfway through.

His lips were eager, hungry, and when all of the soap ran down the drain, he reached back to turn the shower off. You were both still dripping when he guided you out of the bathroom, a giggle escaping your lips when his fingers tickled along your sides.

“Rafe,” you sighed, a moan tumbling out when he groped you.

Neither of you cared about getting his bed wet, only focused on being as close as possible. Rafe held you like a lifeline, not uncommon for him after any kind of confrontation with Ward. The older man always managed to get underneath his skin, and where Rafe used to cope with familiar white powder, he had replaced with you. You didn’t mind, never had. In fact, it made you feel good to know that it was you he sought solace in when his thoughts became too much.

You both moaned when he slid into you with ease, your fingers twisting into his hair, your teeth sinking into your lip. You wrapped your legs around him, holding him to you as he rutted into you, slowly curving his hips into yours. His muscles strained as he held himself above you, lips grazing along your skin before finding your own.

You were mindful of the fact that you were in a full house. Ward downstairs, Rose and Wheezie and Sarah in their rooms, no doubt. You always tried to be mindful, but you’d long discovered that Rafe liked knowing others could hear you. That others could hear what he was doing to you, and that every sound you made was because of him.

Your hands trailed to his neck, nails scraping along skin as they danced towards his chest. He kissed you again, swallowing your moans, his own groan filling your mouth when you clenched around his cock. Your toes curled at the way he stretched you, a small hiss escaping at a jerk of his hips. His hands found yours, threading your fingers together as he pushed them into the pillows on either side of your head.

“You know I love you, right?” he breathed into your mouth.

Your only response was a shaky nod, but Rafe wasn’t satisfied with that.

“Right…?”

“Y-yes,” you gasped, knees bent when he pushed his own forward.

“Fuck baby,” he breathed, burying his face into your neck. “…and you love me, right?”

He had lifted his head, eyes boring into yours. The blue of them was piercing, paralyzing even as he stared you down. There was some desperation there that gave you pause, and your gaze softened, craning your neck to brush your lips against his.

“Of course, I love you, Rafe. I’ll always love you,” you whispered against his lips.

He paused in his movements, letting one of your hands go to reach and touch your face, fingers grazing your skin. His brows were drawn together, and his jaw ticked ever so slightly as he held your gaze. He studied your face, nose brushing yours.

“You promise…?”

“I promise,” you said without hesitation.

You felt Rafe shudder against you, fingers still on your face, and he ran his thumb along your lip before kissing you again. His hips resumed their movements, thrusting into you with a pace that made you gasp. Rafe wasted no time before tasting the inside of your mouth. He fucked you for what felt like hours, tasting you and basking in the feel of you wrapped around him. Every frustration he had against Ward he took out on you, teeth and fingers pressing into your skin.

And you were more than happy to let him.

When you finally came around him, you threw your head back, lips parted in a silent scream. Rafe had one hand pressed into your stomach, holding you down as you bucked underneath him. His other curled around the back of your neck, his lips leaving open mouthed kisses along your throat when he finally spilled into you. You clung to him as you both came together, breathing labored and chest heaving.

He had just rolled over to pull you against his chest when his phone went off. You groaned, about to tell him to ignore it when he grabbed it, giving you a quick glance of the screen. You rolled your eyes at the sight of Topper’s name, sitting up with a sigh. Rafe made a slight frown as he watched you put on some clothes, but he’d never ignored Topper before, and you knew he wasn’t going to start now.

The other guy’s voice filled the room as Rafe answered his FaceTime call, proving you right. He must have heard you because it wasn’t long before the sound of your name reached your ears.

“Is Y/N there?”

“Yeah,” Rafe answered, a small smirk on his lips, and you rolled your eyes again. “…but you can keep talking.”

It didn’t take a genius to catch on to the fact that they were talking about coke and any other drugs they could get for some party this week. Topper’s voice became like background noise, and you thought to yourself how the other blond always seemed to be around. You knew they were best friends before you started dating, Kelce too, but even Kelce seemed to somewhat have a life outside of Rafe.

Despite what Topper liked to repeat, you wondered if it was because he was still kind of hung up on Sarah. It wasn’t your place to say how he really felt about her because all that mattered was that to him, she was his first love. Unfortunately, John B was hers, and you and Topper were far from close enough to know what his thoughts really were.

Prepared to leave Rafe alone with what felt like the other person in this relationship at times, you made your way downstairs for something to drink.

You happily danced with some girl you’d befriended for the night. She was just as drunk as you, her boyfriend ditching her after some argument. At least, that was what she’d slurred to you, clearly having word vomit as she rambled. You’d listened intently, frowning at the fact that he just left her.

“Don’t worry,” she had waved you off. “…my friends are on their way.”

That had relieved you some, and she was more than happy to agree when you offered to hang out with her until they did. She was nice enough, and deep down, some part of you wondered if she still would be if she knew you weren’t a Kook. It was a thought you often had whenever you found yourself immersed in Rafe’s world.

You always felt like an imposter, like you were living a life that wasn’t actually yours. Your place here was conditional, and you knew it, and you knew that if it weren’t for Rafe, you wouldn’t get treated half as nice as you did. It was a thought that troubled you, but Rafe made it worth it.

You turned to look at the blond as he leaned against the wall with Topper and Kelce, a fond smile on his pink lips when his eyes met yours.

Of all the girls on this entire island, he chose you. It was daunting at first to say the least, but clearly Rafe saw something in you that he loved. That he wanted for himself, and eventually your skepticism had faded away to acceptance.

“…but I’m a Pogue,” you had said to Rafe one night after a date during the early stages of your relationship.

He’d bitten his lip, blue eyes glinting as he drank you in.

“Yeah, but I don’t care,” he’d replied, fingers touching your chin. “…you’re different.”

It had made you frown, not quite agreeing with his compartmentalization, but then he had kissed you and helped you out of the truck and taken you on one of the best dates you’d ever experienced. You looked away from him when the girl at your side said her goodbyes, relief filling you both when she joined her friends.

You stumbled your way towards Rafe, and he reached for you to help you the rest of the way. Kelce was gone, and you could feel Topper’s eyes on you both when you kissed him.

“New friend?” Rafe drawled, and you shrugged.

“Kind of. Her asshole of a boyfriend just left her,” you scoffed in disbelief. “She was all alone.”

“What a jerk,” Rafe chuckled.

“Where’d Kelce go?” you wondered since he’d just been here.

“He went chasing after some girl he’s been trying to get for weeks,” Topper answered with a laugh, bringing his beer up to his lips. “He’s got no shot.”

Rafe joined him, a grin on his own lips.

“50 bucks says he gets a drink thrown in his face,” your boyfriend said.

You rolled your eyes at them, looking away as Rafe’s hands slid over your waist, pulling you against him. Some girl was walking out of the kitchen with homemade cocktails, and you waved her over. If you weren’t mistaken, this was her house, and she confirmed it when she finally made her way to you.

“Careful,” she warned you when she handed you one. “You can’t taste the alcohol and that makes it dangerous.”

You thanked her for the warning, taking a sip as she waited to see how it turned out. The flavor was sweet on your tongue, and you complimented her with wide eyes. As you did so, you could hear Topper’s voice behind you. Low so you knew he was trying to whisper, but just loud enough to reach your ears.

“Y/N looks really good tonight…”

You frowned slightly at that, taking another sip as the girl told you what she’d put in the drink in case you wanted to make it sometime.

“You just noticed?” you heard Rafe chuckle, voice muffled slightly by his cup.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he sounded offended on your behalf. You heard Topper hit his arm, a light scoff escaping him.

“She always looks hot, but you know what I mean,” his tone was light. “I’m trying to compliment your girlfriend, man.”

Rafe’s only response was a hum after a while, and when the other girl left, you turned to make him take a sip. Rafe didn’t like what he liked to call ‘girly drinks’, but he rolled his eyes and took a sip, nonetheless. As he did, your eyes accidentally met Topper’s, and you sent him an awkward smile. He didn’t return it right away, blue eyes boring into yours before the corner of his mouth eventually curved upwards.

It was another hour or so when the drugs finally came out. You weren’t surprised when Topper went to cop some, and Rafe briefly kissed you as soon as you’d finished your drink. His arms circled around your waist, pulling you closer while his lips grazed your ear.

“You want to head upstairs?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ve been fighting a headache for about half an hour now,” you complained, and Rafe shook his head at you.

“Okay, grandma,” he teased just as Topper returned.

He and Rafe shared a brief look as he told Topper you guys were heading upstairs. Your hand was in Rafe’s as he led you up there, Topper behind you both as they joked about the girl Kelce was striking out with. All of the alcohol in your system had you stumbling a bit, Topper’s hand on your back steadying you, and even though you thanked him, you couldn’t help the slight frown that fell over your face.

               You and Topper were as close as you could be with you being Rafe’s girlfriend and all, but you couldn’t ever recall a time where he’d touched you. Not even to help you down some stairs. Rafe was always there, and he got jealous over the most harmless of things. You both knew that, and yet, Rafe didn’t look upset at all when he glanced back.

You couldn’t remember whose house you were in, the cocktail girl now faceless in your mind, but Rafe seemed to, at ease as he walked into an empty room. His hand was still in yours as he pulled you inside, and you faintly noted the sound of the door clicking shut as Topper closed it. You thought nothing of it, recalling the many times you’d gotten high with them in whatever empty room they could find.

Sometimes Kelce was present too, sometimes with Topper absent, but Rafe was always there.

You made your way towards the window, looking down at the yard with a light laugh. Some guy was being pushed into the pool, a harmless fight breaking out as he and the girl splashed each other. You could hear Rafe and Topper snorting a line or 2 behind you, and you turned when Rafe softly called your name. It dripped like honey from his lips.

He was holding his hand out to you when you faced him, sitting at the desk. Her jerked his head, motioning for you to come over. Topper was leaning against it, blue eyes meeting yours as you neared them.

“It’s all nice and neat for you just like you like,” your boyfriend mocked.

“Ha ha.”

Never in your life did you ever think you’d be used to snorting anything, but you didn’t make a habit out of it. Only doing so here and there, but always with Rafe around. That was the only time you even felt comfortable getting high. You didn’t trust anyone else.

A hand was in your hair as you leaned over and inhaled the small line, and when you sat up, you noticed that Rafe was making another line for himself…hands occupied. Your brows knitted, but when you looked over at Topper, he was already walking away.

Rafe snorted another line and pulled you against him as he stood. You laughed into his mouth as he kissed you, the display of affection with a present audience common. His hand reached down to grope you, and again, this wasn’t uncommon. However, you did jerk a bit when he tried to slip his hand into your shorts.

“Rafe!”

You laughed it off, but you did look at him like he’d lost his mind. He had never tried to go that far with anyone else present before.

“Topper’s right there,” you harshly reminded him. “Don’t be gross.”

He pulled you back when you tried to go back towards the window, wrapping his arms around you as he pressed his chest to your back.

“Topper doesn’t mind,” he mumbled, pressing kisses along your neck. “Right…?”

Topper was leaning back on the bed, watching you both with a shake of his head. Your frown deepened.

“Nope,” he said, popping the “P” with a small smirk dancing across his lips.

His gaze was unwavering, and you nervously scoffed.

“Well, I do, so…”

You went to move away again, but Rafe held you to him as he walked towards the bed. He turned you around, lips covering yours again, and you pushed at his shoulder. You tried to turn your head.

“Just pretend like he’s not there,” he groaned, tightening his arms around you.

“Rafe, come on,” you sighed, huffing when he gently pushed you onto the bed.

You bounced a bit, and you looked at your boyfriend like he was crazy. You kept thinking to yourself that he couldn’t be serious. Surely the alcohol and coke had fried his brain or something, and you failed to move your foot in time as he reached for it, keeping you in place.

It was hard to ignore Topper’s gaze as Rafe slowly made himself comfortable on top of you, lips meeting yours before kissing his way down your frame, making you squirm. A sharp gasp escaped you when he nipped at your hip, his hand coming up to slide under your bathing suit top.

“Rafe,” you sharply said, trying to sit up, but the combination of alcohol and coke was making it really hard.

Everything seemed to hit you all at once, and you blinked a few times.

“Show Topper how pretty you are,” he moaned, teeth nipping at your thighs.

When Topper’s hand landed on your other leg, that was when you found the strength to sit up. You didn’t like this, and you told Rafe that.

“I don’t…I don’t like this,” you mumbled, trying to get off of the bed, but then Topper’s lips were on yours, making your eyes widen.

You had never once thought about kissing the other man, not even in passing, but you were still surprised at how soft his lips were. They pressed against yours, slightly bitter with the taste of beer, and his hand pressed into the mattress beside your hip as he moved closer. His breath mingling with yours made you gasp, eyes widening.

You pushed at him, looking at him in shock before your eyes fell to Rafe. But your so-called jealous boyfriend didn’t look it, at all. His blue gaze was focused intently on you, teeth still grazing over your skin, tongue darting out here and there. There was a sinking feeling in your gut, and you really wanted to leave.

“I’m going home-.”

Rafe’s hand on your jaw cut you off, and you looked at him with wide eyes as his nose brushed yours, dark blond strands touching your forehead. He’d moved so fast it made your heart skip a beat, and you swallowed at his tight hold on your face.

“Lighten up, yeah…? We’re having fun,” he slurred, a look in his eyes that made your heart race.

“I’m not.”

You tried to get away again, but Rafe was pushing you down, hands on your wrist as he pinned you down.

“Relax,” he drawled. “Show Topper how good you are.”

“Rafe, this isn’t funny-!”

A gasp left you when Topper’s lips descended over your chest. You didn’t even feel him pull the top down. His other hand was working it’s way into your shorts, and Rafe kissed at your throat as it did. Your mind was telling you what was happening, but you were having a hard time believing it was real. Some part of you was trying to convince yourself that somewhere along the way the coke and alcohol had knocked you out, and this was all a nightmare.

“Rafe, I don’t like this!”

You fought against them both, tears kissing your eyes as you furiously tried to sit up. You managed to slip away for a moment before Rafe was slamming you back down. Your head spun from the movement, and you kicked your feet as he pulled at your shorts. You were growing scared and desperate.

“You’re embarrassing me, babe,” he sighed with a chuckle, but it lacked humor, and you wanted to be sick.

Topper’s hands were on your legs, and Rafe moved towards your head, one hand on your shoulder while the other was under your chin, tilting your head up so he could kiss you. You could feel Topper settling between your legs, and your chest heaved. Rafe moved his mouth over yours, and you could hear the whisper of clothes falling to the floor.

“Be a good girl,” your boyfriend purred, eyes focusing on Topper now.

You followed his gaze, only briefly catching the sight of Topper hard and ready before settling between your legs. Your heart sank to your stomach, but everything coursing through your system made it hard to move. The room was tilting, spinning slightly, and your hands against Rafe weren’t doing much. You could feel Topper’s hands running along your legs, his unfamiliar touch making you cringe.

“You love me right…?” Rafe asked, lips ghosting over yours.

“Yes, but-!”

“…but what?”

Rafe’s voice was colder now as he stared into your eyes, and you shuddered when you felt Topper run his fingers over you. He played with your folds and swiped his fingers over you before pushing them inside. You whined, bucking against him in an effort to get him off, hands trying to push back at Rafe.

“You don’t think it’ll make me happy to see my friend happy?”

You couldn’t find the right words to respond to that, gasping as Topper curled his fingers into you. You heard him curse, and you felt his other hand pressing to the inside of your thigh, spreading your legs. Your lashes fluttered, and Rafe pinned you down.

Your mouth parted into an ‘O’ shape as Topper began to push his way into you. He stretched you, sinking into you torturously slow. Your shaky gaze was focused on Rafe who seemed to be focused on where Topper was sliding into you. The other blond moaned when he filled you completely, remaining still for a moment to adjust. You hadn’t even realized you’d started crying until your tears hit your ears.

Rafe shushed you, peppering kisses along your face as Topper pulled out before pushing his cock back into you.

“Show him how good you are for me, hmm?”

“No-.”

You were cut off when Rafe grabbed your wrists, pinning them beside your head and kissing along your throat. Topper’s heavy breathing reached your ears, and your back arched, chest pointing upwards as his cock stroked your walls. His unfamiliar hands were on your thighs, groping at them with a possessiveness that scared you. The more you accepted that this was happening, the more you cried.

When Rafe finally let you go, your relief was short-lived.

Topper caged you in completely now, his breath in your ear. His hands hooked underneath your thighs, hips snapping into yours. He slid into you with ease now, the sound of your involuntary arousal filling the room despite the muffled sounds of the party that could still be heard. You pushed at his chest, but he wasn’t budging, too caught up in the feel of you clinging to his length with every movement.

Your attention was drawn to the faint sound of Rafe standing. You watched in despair as he locked the door, the sound deafening in the room. The room was still swaying, and you felt so light and confused. The alcohol was fully settled in your system now, and it was warring with the coke. You slowly blinked, head lolling a bit to watch Topper move above you.

He leaned in, nose brushing yours, and you couldn’t swallow down the small moan that left your lips. You watched his lashes flutter, blue eyes flitting between yours. You watched him swallow, breathing shallow as he continued to fuck you, an unreadable look on his face.

The bed dipped beside you as Rafe joined you again, fingers grazing your chin as he turned your head towards him. His shirt was gone, and he pressed his lips to yours. You could barely move them, weakly protesting as he kissed you. He hummed into it, fingers still on your chin as he turned your head towards Topper in time for his lips to meet yours too.

He was fervent as he moved his mouth against yours, moaning into it. His hand found your neck, fingers curling around the back as he held your head in place. You could hear Rafe undressing, and your movements were sluggish as you reached up to grab at Topper’s arms. His lips traveled down over your chin and to your neck, tongue darting out to taste you just as Rafe’s hand tangled in your hair.

There seemed to be some cue that you missed because Topper pulled out of you with a groan. You shuddered at the feel, weakly protesting again as Rafe grabbed you, kissing you before turning you over. That just made the room spin more, and your nails scraped the sheets while his hands settled on your hips. He entered you in one smooth thrust, and you gasped.

Even the familiar feel of his cock couldn’t make this better. You were so confused and hurt and scared. You started crying again, and you felt Topper wiping at your cheeks, gently shushing you as his hand ghosted over your face. Rafe pulled you up so that your back met his chest, sinking into you over and over. His hand wrapped around your throat, and his lips met your ear.

“You’re so pretty babe,” he whispered. “You should be proud that I want to show you off…show Topper how good you feel…how good you taste…”

At that, Topper’s mouth wrapped around a hardened bud, and you couldn’t swallow down the whine that left you. His hands found a place on your hips as he kissed down your body, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. His teeth grazed your lower stomach before nipping at your hip as Rafe had done earlier.

You couldn’t get a good grasp of time, unsure if 30 minutes or an hour had gone by. They took turns, taking you apart underneath them and relishing in the sounds of your whimpers and moans. When Topper finally came inside of you, he’d gripped you so tight you were sure there’d be bruises. He had moaned into your mouth, and you hadn’t been able to stop yourself from coming around him, walls fluttering against your will and thighs trembling.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he’d hissed, and your fingers had twisted into the sheets.

“Doesn’t she feel good?” Rafe had said, sounding proud, and Topper had only moaned in response.

You were exhausted, barely moving at all when Rafe took his place, the alcohol on the verge of knocking you out completely. Your head lolled, and you murmured something unintelligible that Rafe quickly swallowed with a kiss. You could feel the mess you were making on the bed, every push of Rafe’s cock making a noise that would’ve embarrassed you had you been more lucid.

He slammed into you, teeth gritted and fingers twisting into the sheets beside your head. You were beyond sensitive from your first orgasm, shaking beneath him already. You squeezed your eyes shut when Topper reached down to brush his fingers over you, helping you along and making you clench down onto Rafe. You cried out, hanging onto Rafe’s arms, nails digging into his skin, unable to stop your hips from lifting to meet his.

His cock hit something in you that had you seeing stars, and your chest arched upwards.

“She’s so pretty when she comes,” you heard Topper murmur, fatigue clearly creeping up on him.

Rafe hummed in agreement, stilling against you, coming deep inside of you with a low moan. He looked tired too, and when he pulled out to collapse at your side, you couldn’t even find the strength to get up. Your lashes fluttered, and you ached, desperately wanting to leave as soon as you found the strength to. Rafe’s fingers grazed your own, and you couldn’t even pull them away, wanting to be as far away from him as possible, right now.

Darkness crept along the outskirts of your vision, and you could only exhale when Topper’s hand cupped your face, soft lips brushing over your tear-stained cheek.

~

tags: @xoxabs88xox​​  @readermia​​  @buckybarnesplumwhore​​ @nickyl316h​​ @captainchrisstan​​ @sebabestianstan101​​ @villanellevi​​ @notyourtypicalrose​​ @coconutqueen21​​ @hurricanerin​​ @trinittyy​​ @hyoyeoniie​​ @mandiiblanche​​ @doozywoozy​​ @melli0112​​   @zombiexbody​​ @holl2712​​  @mansaaay​​ @lipstickstainedred​​ @avengers-goddess​​ @ameliaalvarez06​​ @kaelibaby​​ @totallynotkaibiased​​ @hanniebee33​​ @jemimah-b99​​ @gillybear17​​ @straywords​​​@mannstarkey @lovserrr @aglassoforangejuiceee  @emberenchanted @layazul @toystory2wasjustokay @my-baexht-ls  @prettymuchboo @asonofpeter @spidey-d00d @cockslutpadalecki @dirtytissuebox @evemarieyl  @katherinemaximoff @ventinglation @tastycakee @stopnala @annellie @littleone2223 @itskeishaaaaa @blueicequeen19 @drewsgfduh @ashpeace888 @bibliophilewednesday @lonnie2390147 @1-800-di0r @amanduhh1998 @coldspoons @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @twwcs @breakfastonpluto19 @lovedetlost​ @pearlsofme​ @officialfangirls-blog​ 

[queerfanfiction]

Love Notes (Ch. 5)

Larissa Weems x musicteacher!Reader We have an angsty chapter here, oops. Also, thank you all for being patient as I got back to writing! It took getting pneumonia to unblock writer's block somehow? Idk. Make it make sense.

AO3 link

In between moments not with Larissa, you worked on orchestrating the big reveal and scavenger hunt. There were a lot of moving parts to your plan, and it would take some secrecy to enact, because you were pretty sure you’d have to involve other people. The question remained of who you could trust to involve…

Eventually you and Larissa go into Jericho together. It felt like the most normal outing, the two of you laughing about something in the car ride over and planning how to continue your adventures and treats into the new semester. Spending time with Larissa came so naturally. Sure, you still felt killer butterflies when she stole a glance at you, but it felt right. That’s the only way you knew how to describe it.

While she briefly meets with the mayor and does a follow up interview with a new affiliate therapist for Nevermore, you planned to check out the florist shop for her favorite flowers. Even though you’re a few weeks out from your ideal time to unveil the mystery, you’re not sure if securing lilies would be possible so early in the spring.

Through the windows of the town hall, Larissa sees you chatting outside with the local florist. A man with an apron on and the kind of scruffy looking beard that seemed like it was naturally charming but actually took work to achieve. Larissa knew almost everyone in Jericho personally by now, but all she had known about him is that many of the women around town fancied him.

At that moment, you had casually touched his arm, like he was an old friend. What was that? she mused, oblivious that the therapist in front of her had finished answering her question. Her mind wandered to whether or not you fancied him.

“Larissa?” The voice brought you out of your pondering.

“Apologies! I was simply considering how wonderful it will be for students to be able to confide in someone again, especially after the year they’ve had.” Larissa’s scrambling to save her indiscretion was believable, so believable that her conversation partner smiled wide and thanked her for her consideration and support in their employment.

Placated and wrapping up the meeting, Larissa resumed pilling through her memories to discern if you had ever mentioned the florist before. She was certain you hadn’t. An ache began to creep into her heart when she considered, Is this why you pushed to come to Jericho?

After finishing her conversation with the mayor, Larissa waits in the foyer of the town hall to watch your interaction with the man before heading to the Weathervane. Larissa began to get lost in thought again, Why do I care? I’m not involved. In fact, you owed me nothing. You’re not mine. I mean, no one has a claim over anyone. That notion is an archaic and patriarchal way of thinking—one that doesn’t value consent and agency. Larissa sighed and pushed open the heavy wooden door to leave.

Not knowing Larissa had been watching you, you chatted with James, the florist you had just met. While you didn’t offer the identity of the person, you let him in on your entire plan and hopes for the flowers in the scavenger hunt.

At first you thought he would be more rugged and standoffish, but his eyes lit up at the mention of using his flowers in a surprise. He promised he would have as many lilies available that I needed and that he could help arrange anything else for the reveal.

“A hopeless romantic, huh?” you gleamed at him, not knowing how to explain what his kindness and support meant to you. James blushed a bit and peered at you between strands of hair falling in his eyes. He finally confessed, “I suppose so” accompanied by a massive grin.

It felt nice to be able to plan with someone. You’ve been holding your feelings close to your chest around others; you weren’t sure if Larissa felt similarly or if she would be guarded against public acknowledgement being the head of the academy. Overwhelmed with gratitude, you risked holding out your arms for a hug while muttering a quick “thank you” that was warmly received. 

You meet Larissa in the Weathervane about 15 minutes later after getting James’s number to coordinate for later. You practically skip in and kiss her on the cheek, having been so excited to have set a plan in motion for the scavenger hunt.

“Hello!” Peck. “How was the interview?”

“Productive,” Larissa gives in a slightly standoffish tone. You wonder if she is angry you kept her waiting. She had just finished ordering when you came in from the flower shop, possibly growing frustrated of sitting around waiting.

Worry nestles in your chest when you hear her respond to the barista that her drink is to go. You and Larissa had planned to drink your beverages in a booth to chat and then stroll around town before heading over to the local book shop together. When Larissa ordered the drink to go, it felt like confirmation that you had done something to upset her.

Larissa didn’t have a lot of experience with the feeling that she could only consider jealousy. She would normally be over the moon to have been gifted a cheek kiss by you. Instead, Larissa could feel herself shifting into irritable bitch mode due to not knowing what to make of your flirting with the florist. She felt powerless to stop the mood change. A million thoughts run through Larissa’s mind, but she’s not in the mood for talking—she feels too vulnerable.

“Are you okay, Larissa?” Your voice rings out, marked with concern, when Larissa didn’t turn to you or explain more about her meeting.

“Yes, why?”

Her curt response made you feel hopeless, made you question whether or not you were being too sensitive to the difference in her demeanor. “I thought we were going to stay and drink our hot chocolates here.” You aimed for a hopeful tone, not knowing if you succeeded.

Still not meeting your gaze, Larissa answered exasperatedly, “I have too much work to do after the meeting with the mayor. I can’t waste time with you anymore. I need to get back to Nevermore; would you like a ride?”

You looked as though you were just slapped across the face. Waste time? Where was this coming from? You were a waste of time to her? Thoughts engulfed you, and you felt a knob begin to form in your throat. Has Larissa been biding the time until students return and save her from spending time with you? You couldn’t speak; you knew your voice would betray you. Your eyes were beginning to sting.

All you could muster in response to Larissa’s question was a vigorous head shake and a “mmm-mm” to signal that no ride was needed. You couldn’t sit through the ride back to Nevermore with her and be detached to your emotions bubbling up right now.

You decided to risk a glance at Larissa to study her face. Maybe you were imagining this? Her features were hardened with no legible expression as she waited to receive her hot chocolate.

The seconds that you two stood there in silence seemed to drag on. The certitude of her statement and following question made you feel like you were expected to leave her side or sit back down unaffected. You’ve had moments where you were sheepish or awkward around the woman in front of you, but none of those times could compare to the thick, uncomfortable quality that surrounded you now.

When the worker behind the counter called out that a hot chocolate was ready, Larissa surged forward to seize the drink and turn on her heels in departure. No goodbye, just the fading clicks of her shoes against the floor tiles.

You watched her go, suddenly not craving the drink you were excited to imbibe minutes before. The ease and comfort you felt and championed in her presence shrank away. Confusion and hurt took its place. You shuffle to another booth than the usual one you and Larissa sat at. It felt too fragile to slide into the familiar space, as if it would flake away and crumble the memories you had there.

Taking a few moments to process, you turned to watching people come in and out of the Weathervane. A few families, teens, surprisingly more people in business suits than you’ve ever seen before. You had hoped to feel comforted by sharing space out in the world instead of retreating, but loneliness still gnawed at you—invaded you.

After about 20 minutes of waiting for the sadness to pass, you resigned to going back to campus grounds. You made your way home from the cafe, luckily giving Larissa enough time to drive back and get settled, which ensured you wouldn’t run into her when you arrived. You didn’t know if you could handle that.

Finally shuffling into your living quarters, you collapsed on the bed, not bothering to change or remove your boots. Your hands made their way to your scrunched up, wet face but not before pulling the covers far up around your head as they could go.

—

Larissa felt regret seep up her chest immediately. Her jaw locked as she waited for her drink, sensing how absurd her behavior was. She bit down on the flesh of her cheek inside her mouth in an attempt to silence her racing thoughts. When her drink was ready, she snatched it and fled. She couldn’t bear to look into your eyes or see the hurt or confusion on your face that she knew would be there.

Once in the vehicle and driving out of the town square, she reviewed her tone, the coldness she used with you. How could she explain that it was a front—a scramble for control? How could she repair the damage without addressing why she lashed out in the first place? Did she just ruin the most consistent source of joy and support she’s ever had in her life?

The questions in her head became too much, and she had to pull off the road to steady her ragged breathing. Her grip on the steering wheel showcased the whitest knuckles she’d ever seen. She felt like she had to escape but no amount of distance was enough.

Memories of your time together over the last few weeks darted behind her eyelids. She had grown so close to you, never considering that she was falling into old patterns. Getting over Morticia almost broke her. If she came unraveled by losing a high school love, what chance did she have of making it out of whatever she had for you? Seeing how close you and the florist were evoked a reaction that she couldn’t have anticipated.

Rather, your utter endearing nature with her after witnessing you with the florist is what solidified her outburst. It felt tragic and unfair to be in such close proximity to what she desired yet completely out of reach. To make it back to Nevermore, she had to dissociate—give herself over to some sort of autopilot. Once she arrived, Larissa rushed inside the large wooden doors to her office and leaned exhaustedly against the door, finally giving herself over to her emotions now that she was in the safety and seclusion of her office.

For the first time in nights, you both occupied your respective rooms, crawling into otherwise empty beds.

—

The following morning, you feel how tight and raw your eyes are from crying through the night. Leaving the bed doesn’t seem in the cards today. Instead, you curl up trying to keep warm now that you don’t have Larissa’s body heat to wake up to.

Knowing its a bad idea, you roll over and let your mind think of yesterday. Maybe she was just using you to distract herself while she recovered. She’s not exactly spoiled for choice with everyone gone for winter break. You probably haven’t meant as much to her as she has meant to you. …Would coming clean about authoring the mix CDs be ill advised then? Or should you still put the mystery to rest, allowing closure for you both? As your mind went back and forth, you couldn’t help but consider how authentic Larissa seemed when you two spent time together. You wanted to hold onto that.

Time passed so slowly laying there. You were scared to leave your room to shower, to eat, to go to the orchestra room. Of course you didn’t want to see the object of your pain and hurt, but you also couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything—even within the confines of your living space.

Days went by until you finally had to get up to shower and do laundry. Your room was starting to stink and you didn’t want students coming back to campus to suspect anything is remiss. You gathered your things and tiptoed to the faculty showers. Thankfully it was empty for you to slip into the farthest stall away with a half crescent stained glass window.

You stand in the corner of the stall to turn on the water and wait for it to warm up. Once you deemed the water hot enough, you stepped into the stream and closed your eyes, rolling your neck in and out of the water. For a few minutes you stood still, letting the the water run down your back, scorching the skin. Steam rose to caress the stained glass above you.

Meanwhile, what you didn’t know was that Larissa treaded carefully too. She had tried not to seek you out, yet she was wary of and half expected to see you everywhere she went. She took tabs of where you might be, and you weren’t in the faculty lounge, the library, the courtyard, the entrance hall, or even the shared dorm spaces when she was there. Larissa even found herself walking past the orchestra room only to be met with silence.

—

About a week after the incident at the Weathervane and a couple days after your shower and laundry excursion, you decide to attempt to leave your room again.   With students arriving back on campus and a new semester rapidly approaching, you needed to figure out your syllabus and compositions. You slid on a blazer over a crisp white button up and slowly headed to your once familiar safe haven—the music room.

Once inside the space, you immediately feel terrible for being away from it for so long. There it was waiting patiently to comfort you and build new soundscapes with you. Your hands wander across the various instruments set out about the space. Your fingers touch piano keys, guitar strings, wooden reeds, metal valves, cherishing the notes that emitted from them as you skimmed past each collection.

You attempted to hold back your flurry of emotions and focus on various scores and arrangements for your syllabus, but each note made your heart ache for what catharsis could be spilling from you instead.

It wasn’t long until the music shifted from pointed instruction that corresponded to specific weeks within the semester to raw, unruly emotion. You began to sob while composing soft, slow tunes that built into delicate and resonant peaks. The instruments you commanded had a measured grace about them that filled the room with its rich melody.

As the music pouring from you continued, it burned slowly, not unlike a campfire that blazes one moment and crackles with reverb the next. Rhythm rang out and orchestral layers began to pile up, transporting the song to cinematic heights full of fragility and a holy, spiritual quality that you’ve never heard before from your own music.

Making her daily rounds across the academy grounds, Larissa notices the emotional tune emitting from the music room that has been vacant up until this point. Her heart catches in her throat as the music pulls indecipherable feelings from her core. A air of melancholy and longing overwhelms Larissa. She had hoped to see you, but she wasn’t expecting this. The song radiating from the room to her eardrums had stopped Larissa in her tracks. The showcase of gentle tones that blossomed into shimmering instrumental passages had brought tears to her eyes. 

Larissa had lingered here many times before, stealing away compositions from the hall outside your domain. However, this time she wanted to burst through the doors and apologize. She wanted to usher in a vibrant symphony rather than the lonesome notes currently leaking out of the room. She could overhear this change in you. It was apparent, and Larissa knew she was the cause.

—

Eventually, students began to return. You had attempted to stay a recluse in your room for as long as you could. That is, until a day swiftly came when you heard excited knocks rapt against the door to your living space.

With a knowing sigh, you heaved yourself from your desk towards the door. You knew the pink cheeks and bouncing hair that would open up before you beyond the door. Enid had come to say hello after returning from break.

“Professor!”

“Hello there, Enid.” You mustered up the sweetest smile you could for the girl, even though you still felt lackluster. “How was your break?”

“Oh, it was so good! Well, it was kind of kooky staying with Wednesday and her family. They’re so different from my family. My brothers are sure to tackle each other to the ground as soon as possible, but Wednesday and Pugsley hardly touch! You can still tell she has a soft spot for him, though. They ha-”

You let Enid ramble on about her winter break and the things she and the Addams’s got up to. To be honest, the lack of effort needed to continue the conversation was nice; you weren’t sure you had it in you for explaining elaborate stories or… any details right now.

“Um, anyway, I wanted to ask you a question, actually.” Her forthcoming demeanor slowed, and you could tell she was nervous.

“Anything for my favorite resident.” Your words were enough to melt the young werewolf’s fears. Her shoulders relax, and she happily pushes her way into your room.

Slightly taken aback at the gesture, you leave the door ajar and take a seat in one of the armchairs across from where she has elected to sit. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, it’s kind of about Wednesday.” You stay quiet, letting Enid know she has the floor and that you won’t rush her.

“We had a really good break. I mean, we got on each others’ nerves a lot. She always scoffs like she is better off alone and is annoyed, but I could tell she liked having me there.”

You nod, willing yourself to have empathetic eyes that signal for her to continue.

She finally blurts out, “We almost kissed, and now Wednesday won’t talk to me.” Enid seems panicked and almost in tears at this revelation.

“Hey, hey.” You rise from your chair to place a comforting hand on the young girl’s shoulder. “Take some deep breaths. You’re okay, and we’re going to talk about it. It’s okay.”

Enid wipes her eyes, and you continue supportively, “I know being vulnerable is hard, especially when you can’t control how other people react or feel. Is that how you are feeling?”

“Yeah. Wednesday is so hard to read and gives me mixed signals. She goes back and forth between being standoffish and blunt but also charming and kind of open to being close. Sometimes it seems like she won’t let herself be happy,” Enid ends with a frown.

“I see how conflicted you feel, and I’m sorry you are going through this. What I will say is that you are more likely to regret not honoring your own feelings than communicating your needs. Nothing good ever happened from shrinking away from what you truly wanted.”

“Wow, that’s so deep.” Enid takes a moment. “So even if things don’t work out the way I hope, I know I did what I could to be true to myself?”

“Exactly. That’s all we can do sometimes. Yes, it could be hard to not have feelings reciprocated, but you’re not happy not knowing either.”

“Okay, I think I know what I’m gonna do. Thank you!” Enid is standing and reaching out to you in a firm embrace now. You reciprocate, hoping the best for the young girl. You knew how close she and Wednesday were, even if Wednesday puts on a front.

A few moments pass, and Enid is over by your desk now, picking up everything in sight and inspecting it. “So, what’s wrong with you and Principal Weems?” Enid’s nosy, chipper demeanor is back.

A puzzled look appears on your face. “What do you mean? Principal Weems and I haven’t seen each other?”

“You two were always together before we all left for break.” She shrugs and raises her eyes, playing with your pens before moving onto your swinging, metal pendulum.

Geez, students could not be fooled. They are far more perceptive than other faculty give them credit for. Your head swam, and you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what you could say, given that Larissa was the principal and would likely not support students gossiping about her personal life. At your long pause, Enid continued.

“Now you two both seem sad. I could tell when you opened the door since almost the whole dorm is back and hasn’t seen you. And Principal Weems is way more irritable than normal. Ajax, Yoko, and I were throwing around a ball in the courtyard and almost hit one of the gargoyles. Principal Weems confiscated the ball and gave us a lecture on the history of the gargoyles at Nevermore. Something about them being 1,300 year old hand-crafted stone?”

“Oh, Enid, I’m not sure…” It was all you could think to say to both Enid’s original and follow up question.

“Like you said, nothing good will happen from shrinking away from what you want. Your words.” Enid states this as if she is wielding a giant philosophical answer. You can’t help but feel pride in her quick use of the same line. Okay, why did you have to give such great advice?

The earnest nature of the young werewolf was admirable and made your weak heart grow. Enid begins to walk out of your room muttering a combination of “just saying” and “thanks again!”

As the door closes, you slump into your chair, deep in thought. Maybe you should put it all out there. What is the worst that could happen? It’s the least you could do for yourself. Otherwise, you’re back to where you started. Your discussion with Enid inadvertently encourages you to step up and continue the scavenger hunt.

—

Tagging: @lilsmeaux, @suckerforcate, @rickistheman, @tundra1029, @aster-loves-gwen, @justcallmelittleone, @poorwritingandstalecoffee, @lvinhs, @one-pining-queer, @kimiinou, @bobia13. Let me know if anyone else wants tagged in the future. :)

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Logan Sargeant is a silly little guy

@vii-tto idk why but it wouldn't let me tag you. Hopefully you see this. also @spell-of-the-rain i added things if you want to check out 75-87

But here's the list of things i know/want to know about logan sargeant

Favorite Actor is Brad Pitt

Favorite Movie is Wolf of Wall Street

Favorite food is a hamburger

Has a boat and often goes deep sea fishing

Lived in London since he was 15

Lose Yourself by Eminem is his favorite hype up song

Is a Dolphins and Heat fan

Enjoyed “No Man, No Cry” by Jimmy Sax

Drinks iced lattes with oat milk

Pumpkin spice lattes?? Edit 12/16/23: No

Has been to Wimbledon

Knows what cricket is

Has a rescue dog named Coco

Also enjoys hockey Edit 11/1/23: Supports the Florida Panthers NHL team and has gone to at least 1 of their games with his friend Kyle Kirkwood

Does he follow college football?

What does he think of the new Miami head coach? 

If not for motorsport, does he think he would have gone pro in a different sport, and if so which one?

Enjoys listening to 50 Cent (is also a big rap fan in general)

Can he speak any other languages with any degree of familiarity?

Cannot draw

Can make a sandwich (other foods?)

Rates all food from one bite and with weird decimals

Gritty-ed in his f1 car

Makes the Williams photographers look like they take good photos

Does he have an English or a Florida driver’s license? And does he still have US citizenship even though he lives in the UK? What kind of visa is he on?

Top three female athletes? (Serena Williams, Simone Biles, and Megan Rapinoe are all acceptable answers) 

Collects Aussies and Kiwis for friends

Does he like the snow? Prefers the heat but does he like snow?

Does he like Missy Elliot? (Requirement) 

“Basic Halloween Bitch”

Calls people “mate” but in an American accent which will never stop being funny

Eye Crinkles™️

Does not have a set eye color he’s just too mystical for that

Has never been to a concert (presumably too busy with racing)

He can swim, he can drive, but can he ride a bike? Edit 11/15/23: He can indeed ride a bike

American commercial cars or  European ones?

Has an older brother but is like an older brother to Benny’s kid

Likes marshmallows

Does not like black beans

Did not think apple could be chips

Knows how to sail??

Knows how to golf

Can paddle (required for any F1 driver)

Lost the F3 championship in 2020 bc of a DNF in the last race

Can he sing??

Does he drink energy drinks? Red Bull or Monster? 

He and Duracell are passionately making out

Blush is very pretty 

Wears a lot of baseball hats

Somehow beat jet lag (expat king)

Mostly spends his nights in but he has some nights out (presumably very interesting ones)

Has an iPhone with a blue case

He looks very pretty in blue

His eyes are sometimes blue

Blue=fav color?? Edit 11/6/23: favorite color is Ocean blue (credit to @spell-of-the-rain)

Pretty insecure (armchair diagnosed anxiety)

Close with his brother and parents but maybe not his extended family?

Is Florida State his college team?? (Worst thing a man can be is a Florida St fan) Edit 12/16/23: believing that FSU got screwed over this year is acceptable

Did he graduate high school??

Did he ever consider going into NASCAR or did moving to Europe at a young age kind of set in stone his path towards open-wheel racing?

Hair is blond/dirty blond

Does he vote in American elections?? (If he supports RonD I cannot stan)

Burger Sauce™️

Logan Hunter Sargeant, certified Frat Bro, most American man ever

Has seen peaky blinder and presumably stranger things

Knows how to carve a pumpkin but has not celebrated Halloween at home in a bit

Possibly dating some instagram model

Caused $4 million in damages, gets payed $1 million a year, and supposedly brings in $30 million in sponsors

Key phrases: “Locked in”, “Bam/Boom”, “Done and dusted” Additions 11/1/23: "Oh hell yeah", "I think you're a little lost here, Chief". Additions 11/6/23: “Yeh” (gets quieter throughout the word (how it’s one syllable??)), “on the bounce” (credit to @spell-of-the-rain i believe)

Joined the Williams Driver Academy in 2021 

Got stuck in F3 bc he didn’t have the money to move up

Driver for Carlin in 2022

Former teammates include Liam Lawson, Oscar Piastri, Frederick Vesti (Edit 11/6/23: Max Fewtrell possibly?)

DOB: December 31, 2000

5'11

Had a giveaway for gloves he used to win an F4 race on Twitter in 2017 and both Lando Norris and Max Fewtrell replied

Originally his number was 3 but he switched to 2 for F1 (to much fan consternation who thought he had so many better options)

Childhood best friends with Kyle Kirkwood, a current Indycar driver

Logan's older brother Dalton raced in NASCAR until 2018

Did a commercial for Sport23

Does not have cowboy boots as of COTA 2023

Born in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA

lived in Switzerland from 14-15(?)

knows the conversion rate for a kilometer

is taller than a tuna fish

Podiumed at the Macau Grand Prix in 2019

Won the CIK-FIA championship when he was 14 Additions as of 11/1/23

Loves waffles but they are not his favorite dessert

Very patriotic (oh hell yeah)

is the first American F1 point scorer in 30 years and the first one to score on home soil since 1989

Went to see the Nets in NYC (but would have preferred to see the Knicks)

has a custom Miami Dolphins jersey with his last name on the back

Claims to know all the lyrics to "Ice Ice Baby" (credit to @formulaaone) (Edited 11/6/23)

Additions as of 11/6/23:

Under the same talent agency as Alex Albon

Has the same manager as George Russell

George Russell was his mentor coming up

Went to a catholic private school (credit to @wenevrknew)

Does not like fish? (Credit to @spell-of-the-rain)

He runs weird (in my opinion as he reminds me of my brother when he was 12 (he ran very strangely))

Karted in Las Vegas when he was a kid

Can he drive a stick shift? (Alex believes he cannot)

Enjoys video games

Refers to his car as “she”

Knew how to attach a visor to his helmet prior to February(? Could’ve been March but before the season) 2023

Additions as of 12/16/23

Broke his arm in a 2014 German Karting Championship when Marcus Armstrong took him out at T1 (credit to @spell-of-the-rain )

Has gotten his head eaten by the Golden Knights mascot

If he could have any superpower, he would like to teleport

Has never flown a drone

Favorite racing movie is Talladega Nights (sad Mater noises)

Does not trust other people to drive him

Would rather sleep in then get up early

Considers himself fairly organized

His mother makes a very good sweet potato casserole

Got his habit of worrying from his mom

“Santa’s Little Helper”

Driving for Williams Racing Formula 1 Team in 2024

Got out qualified by his teammate every race of 2023

[giddlygoat]

whatever. i keep thinking about dt17 LP and drake.

launchpad has been all over the world and made tons of friends and connections, but can’t seem to connect with anyone on a more meaningful level. i think it’s safe to say watching darkwing duck was his only constant in the time he spent traveling and he looked up to the character as a guiding light amongst all the uncertainty. iirc he was kicked out at a young age by his parents [in the classic shows at least] and honestly at this point that is cemented as part of his character for me. the majority of my LP hcs are total speculation bc we don’t have much to go off of but. i think the people who mattered to him most probably told him to get his head out of the clouds or get out of the house and the next thing he knows he’s up in them for good. isolation is launchpad’s nightmare.

drake’s autistic ass got bullied big time as a kid and darkwing imprinted on him heavily because he identified with the character and latched onto the idea that he would stand up against injustice and prevail because that’s the only option he has. he couldn’t even consider staying down after being beaten so many times, it just doesn’t register as a possibility for him. he would just get back up. he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who had much support at all growing up, but he still chooses kindness. you can’t separate drake from his natural inclination towards compassion. and yet ….. ! he absolutely FEEDS off attention. he’s starving for it. he just needs someone to notice him and look at him and listen to him or he will wither. he needs love and validation and respect or he becomes a shell. been there, buddy

do you think when he got the role as DW in the movie he even thought of it as a job at all. i think drake didn’t have to act. i think drake knows the character so well and embodies all he stands for to such an extreme that playing darkwing was like breathing. it’s not hard for me to imagine that drake had moments where the line between him and the character faded, and he would stand at the top of some high tower in the lonely shoes of his hero and look down at all the broken teeth and singed feathers waiting for him and it would not be this profound or unfamiliar thing. i think drake recognizes himself better in the mask.

or you know, maybe he’s a totally normal well adjusted person with no self image issues whatsoever, but somehow i doubt it.

launchpad, meanwhile. hewboy. what if your worth is inseparable from the services you provide for others? what if you give everything you have every chance you get and never ask for anything back? what if the pain and the loneliness that follows the headfirst run into the emotional divide feels more like home than any one place ever did. what if every night you watched a cartoon about a flawed and flamboyant hero who protects a whole city and never takes his mask off for anyone - except maybe a very close friend - because this silly and attractive man can provide the ultimate service on an extreme scale and still be deeply flawed and still be loved.

i think LP naturally needs to follow someone. he’s not a leader, and he doesn’t want to be one. he takes charge when he’s needed, he’s dependable and kind, he cares so much it hurts. but i think following a lead makes him feel secure. he needs to see everyone else rise into their best selves and become self sufficient and content in their lives, but he doesn’t know how to do any of that without someone to build up in turn. launchpad needs validation, especially from the ones he admires, but he’s so programmed to give that he doesn’t know how to ask for anything. i’m guessing half the time he doesn’t even know that he needs help.

launchpad has put himself apart from everyone else, not on a pedestal, but down in the well that never runs dry. he’s forgotten that being happy to help isn’t the same as never needing it.

when him and drake met i think something amazing happened. i think there were a lot of emotions but the strongest had to be relief. drake let launchpad praise and encourage him and launchpad had someone to support and take care of, with the same hyperfixation, no less. two people who had made themselves unreachable suddenly couldn’t separate from each other, and they both know what it’s like to need to look out for everyone else. i think letting their guard down with each other came naturally and vulnerability put itself on the table. they’re both experiencing an easy and strong connection for the first time and it’s beautiful!

i hope these characterizations aren’t too far off, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it seems askew. it’s very difficult for me to keep my thoughts in order but i hope it’s coherent enough. this post is long enough already so i’m going to end it before i talk myself out of sharing it lawl

[fangirlwriting-stories]

You Had to Be There to Get It

Summay: Thomas knows that he sometimes relates to different sides for different reasons, but this situation is a new one.

...

Fine, Thomas would admit it.  Therapy was a good idea that he definitely should have tried sooner.  Sure, it was uncomfortable at first, when they were getting to know each other, but Emile was an excellent choice and Thomas clicked with him really well, and he started realizing some things as they talked.

He probably was too hard on himself, for one.  He needed to sit and let himself be sometimes instead of constantly trying to be the best person he possibly could.  He definitely had some issues with trying to make creative ideas too perfect and good and pure (Thomas could still feel Roman’s cathartic ache from that realization, and Remus’ vindication).  He was really bad at not knowing, and sometimes he had to sit in the uncertainty (Logan hadn’t liked that one, but he’d felt Patton’s relief).  And a recent realization as to how much growing up where and how he did had actually affected him.  Turns out being a gay catholic kid growing up in Florida in the 90s can have a tendency to make a kid feel a bit unwanted.  Who knew?

Thomas had a feeling he was going to be unpacking his feelings around that one for a while, especially considering it even started in a surprising place.

“I don’t understand,” Logan said as they walked back into Thomas’ apartment.  He had been talking about it the entire way home, and Thomas honestly didn’t quite understand why.  He thought the issue had been pretty settled in therapy, and for once, he didn’t quite get where Logan was coming from.

“That time of your life was so long ago,” Logan said.  “You have supportive friends and family now, you have a relatively stable career, you’re comfortable with who you are.  Why would that still be having such an impact on you?”

“It’s childhood, Lo,” Virgil mumbled, though for some reason he wasn’t meeting Logan’s eyes.  “It kind of affects you for the rest of your life, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I’m kind of with Teach on this one,” Roman said.  “As much as I loathe to admit it.  Yes, Thomas was a very repressed kid, but aren’t we past that now?  I mean, you’re not closeted anymore.  You can’t be trying to tell me you want to be.”

“No,” Thomas said, closing and locking the door behind him.  “But Roman, it was— it was very hard for me.  Okay?  You know that, don’t you?  You were there.”

“Yes, obviously it was,” Roman said.  “But still.  That was a long time ago.”

“It was,” Patton agreed.  “But that doesn’t mean Thomas can’t still be upset about it, even if it doesn’t seem to make sense.  Besides, repressing our feelings hasn’t really gone well in the past, remember?”

“But these feelings don’t make any sense,” Logan sighed, adjusting his glasses.  “Yes, Thomas had a difficult time feeling unwanted as a child.  We all know this, we were all there.  But we’ve moved past that now.  And honestly, it wasn’t really that bad, was it?”

“Easy for you all to say,” Virgil snapped suddenly, glaring over at all of them.  They gave him a surprised look back, and Thomas, despite himself, did the same.

“Virge?” he said.  “You okay?”

Virgil glared away and grumbled something.

“What was that?” Thomas asked.

“I said they don’t get it,” Virgil said, glaring back at him.  “It’s not— oh, nevermind.  They still won’t get it.”

“What are you talking about?” Roman said.  “Of course we get it.  We were there?”

“No you weren’t,” Virgil said, crossing his arms.  “He was.”  He nods at Thomas.

All of them looked at Virgil for a second, and Thomas found himself doing the same, not quite sure what Virgil was getting at.

“Virgil,” Logan said, giving him a baffled look.  “We are all part of him.  Have you somehow forgotten this?”

Virgil, however, just looked at Thomas.  “See?” he said, like they were both in on something.  “Told you they wouldn’t get it.”

Thomas blinked at him.  “I… I don’t get it either, Virgil,” he admitted hesitantly.

“Virgey’s tryin’ to say,” came a sudden voice, and Thomas felt elbows suddenly leaning on his forehead before Remus leaned upside down into his face.  “That they’ve never been unwanted.”

“Did you miss the part where I just explained that we’re all part of Thomas?” Logan said with a sigh.

“Yes, but Thomas isn’t part of Thomas,” came Janus’ voice, and all of them looked over to find him on the couch.

Remus brightened at his appearance, and bounded over to flop back on top of him instead, which at least freed Thomas’ head from his elbows.

Logan threw his hands up.  “And you people wonder why I find it difficult to speak with you,” he said.  “‘Thomas isn’t part of Thomas?’  What in the world does that even mean?”

“He means,” Virgil snapped, and Thomas turned to him again, more than a little surprised to find Virgil defending Janus.  “That Thomas always wanted you.  So no, Logan, none of you get what it feels like to be an outcast.”

Thomas’ eyes widened as it finally clicked what Virgil was saying, and he looked between him and Remus and Janus.  Janus was currently in the process of moving Remus off of his lap, but Remus was looking right at Thomas, surprisingly not smiling.

“That’s ridiculous,” Roman scoffed.  “We all have Thomas’ experience.  We remembered what happened.  We know what it’s like.”

“Oh you know what it’s like?” Remus said, sitting up off of Janus himself, though he still flopped back on the couch as he crossed his arms.  “You ever sit up at night wondering why no one seems to like you, why you don’t have any friends?  You ever wonder why the things you do seem to be just a little too weird, just a little too off for them to be acceptable?  You ever look around at everyone else going on with their happy childhoods, knowing with certainty they’re cared for by the people around them, and wonder what you’re doing wrong?  Why don’t you get to have that?  What’s different about you?  Why is it fair that they don’t want you around?  You know what, you say to yourself, if they don’t want you, you don’t want them either.  What’s so great about them?  You’re going to be weird and own it!  Maybe you decide to join a counterculture, have an emo phase,” he gestured at Virgil who glared at him but then looked away without denying it, “try and go where all the other misfits are, because clearly you’re not wanted anywhere else.  You ever feel that overwhelming relief when you finally find someone who likes you for you, wants you because you’re weird?  Ever have to fight the instinct to hang on to that person for dear life, because you don’t know if they want you as badly as you want them, and if they don’t and you drive them away by being desperate you’re going to hate yourself because then you will have nothing and no one and this time it will be all your fault?  Ever have to spend time after time after time reassuring yourself that this time it’s real, that these people want you around, and still not be sure, even after, say, a decade and a half of being an adult and actually having friends that want you?”

Remus spread his arms with a wide grin as all of them stared at him.  “Because I have!” he said.  “And Janus has and Virgil has!”  Then he pointed over at Thomas, who was pretty sure he was breaking a little inside.  “And Thomas has,” he said.  “Have you?  Mr. Golden Boy?  Mr. Suburban Dad?  Mr. Respectable Teacher?”

“I,” Thomas said, before any of the others could say something.  Remus and Janus and Virgil all turned to look at him.

“I really made you guys feel like that too?” he asked, because Remus had just hit the emotion that he’d been feeling and that none of his core sides had been able to articulate square on the head.

“It’s okay, Thomas,” Janus said instantly, sitting up.

“Says my Deceit,” Thomas said, looking at him, and Janus swallowed but didn’t say anything else.

Thomas reached out and took Virgil gently by the arm, and then pulled him over towards the couch, where he sat down on the other side of Remus and pulled all three of them into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas said, looking around at all of them.

There was a moment where none of them said anything.

“S’okay,” Remus said finally, and Thomas got the sense that he was closer to meaning it.  “Wouldn’t want to be anyone else.”

Thomas gave him a small smile.  “Me too,” he said, and Remus beamed at him.

“Good,” Remus said.  “‘Cause I’ve been trying to get you to give less fucks for years.  It’s not so bad, remember?”

Thomas smiled a little wider.  “Yeah,” he said, because even though Logan had said the same thing, Remus clearly meant it from a very different place, and Thomas liked that place better.

“The world fucks everyone up,” Virgil muttered, and Thomas glanced down at him.  “Either you’re never wanted or you’re terrified of losing it when you are or you’re an entitled prick that makes people feel unwanted in the first place.”

“Yes, those are in fact the only three options,” Janus said, rolling his eyes.

“They are when you’re a gay Catholic kid growing up in Florida in the 90s,” Virgil said.

Janus smiled a little.  “Or the repressed survival instincts of a person’s subconscious,” he said.

“I’d rather make a new option,” Thomas said, and Janus looked back over at him.  “Wanna help?”

Janus smiled a little wider.  “Sounds dreadful,” he said.

The four of them sat there for another minute, and then Thomas glanced up at Patton Roman and Logan, all of whom were standing across the room looking a little lost.

“It’s okay if you want to join the hug anyway,” Thomas said.  “You don’t have to get it.”

Another second passed, and then Patton smiled a little and walked forward to sit on Janus’ other side, followed hesitantly by Roman, who took Virgil’s other side, and Logan, who walked over and stood nearby until Roman pulled him down.

Thomas stayed in between Virgil and Remus and Janus, however, because he was pretty sure the three of them did understand when something wasn’t for them for the moment, and Thomas wanted to get as close as he could to hugging his inner child, that lost little kid version of himself.

And maybe it was high time he gave that same inner child a little more grace.