#that is all. the rest is absolutely true and i am not afraid to admit it.

[starlightswordfight]

rescue corps headcanons because I'm insane

(there are many)

– mirror pronouns pom

– that's all I got

– man!!

– Bernard started TALKING in this specific MANNER for the BIT years and years back and now he can't STOP he is STUCK someone HELP him

– he ALSO might be doing it to try to put EMPHASIS on the words he believes should have it and sometimes HE DOES not succeed

– he reads as ADHD coded to me but it might be because I also talk like that so take that with a grain of salt

– "HEY GIRL. I MEAN ANY PRONOUNS"

– Bernard had the most normal home life by far. No contest, won by default. I have a GREAT relationship with both of MY parents because they LOVE me

– he is incredibly observant. alarmingly so. will sometimes act out of the loop on purpose, if he thinks things would just be easier that way. accidentally learns everything about everyone, the guy's an information magnet and he doesn't know how to feel about that

– do you guys think Russ has made a spacesuit with the doc ock arms because I think he has and that he actively uses it on missions

– occasionally jumpscares people and giggles about it. he got the tendency to do this from his mother, who can smell fear

– while I doubt Russ would do things "for the bit" he would ABSOLUTELY act on impulse in the name of the scientific method. this has gotten him hurt before. it's fine

– does not make coffee he just eats the fucking grounds. "it's a Giyan thing, you wouldn't understand" this is not true at all he is LYING

– Russ and Yonny get into frequent arguments (light banter) about literally everything and I mean Everything. They could work together they'd be really powerful that way, but they don't

– Russ has so many genuinely funny science puns that he makes and no one ever gets them and it devastates him

– except for Yonny, who is too busy searching for ethics guideline loopholes to acknowledge that he understands the joke

– Yonny has the most HORRIFIC life stories and will drop them CASUALLY. thought they were funny, is only now beginning to realize that it does in fact make people concerned and uncomfortable when he does that

– prefers paper books to digital because he's prone to headaches!! cites "phone bad book good" as the official reason but that's not the reason

– nonbinary and evil. presentation tends to "default" as masc but switches up often! hey girl I mean any pronouns

– knows like a hundred million dead languages for absolutely no reason

– makes art in his spare time because murder is wrong

– Shepherd sleeps with a nightlight, or at the very least can't rest well in complete darkness!! she's just like me fr !!!!

– "she snores" thank you duncan for your contribution. honk shoe

– also I think she might be autistic I can't fully back that one up do not ask me to but look at her. she cares about dogs the way I care about fish

– prone to coming across the wrong way, tone wise. very very good at giving backhanded compliments that were meant to be fully sincere and just got horribly lost in translation. this keeps her up at night. she feels AWFUL

– big fan of karaoke!! not exactly GOOD at it but we love her initiative

– as afraid as she is of the pikmin, their voices and funny little words are very catchy and she does find herself repeating them often. she will not admit this. it is embarrassing

– Collin is also autistic. I could make an entire separate post on this I'm being so goddamn serious, I have so much reasoning, I am fully confident that he is, and that he masks REALLY hard, and it enormously fucked him up

– special interest in machinery (NO ONE saw THIS coming)

– transmasculine. his name is a pun on "call in." heard the phrase and realized he had the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

– we only hear about his grandfather, and not even from him; no other family is mentioned at all!! went no contact with like everybody else, above points might be why. people with normal childhoods don't stand like that

– adding onto the canon sleep talking with sleep movement! a LOT of it! has probably kicked someone before!!

– "he wakes up upside down" thank you duncan

– i think maybe Dingo might still have glow stick light up bones. will rediscover this one day during an expedition mishap and it will be an Experience

– not a hc but Dingo is the type of guy to get bit in a zombie apocalypse and not tell anyone until the literal last second

– "he would also say "fuck my stupid baka life"" thank you duncan

– would fight by rolling up his sleeves and jumping around cartoonishly. he would more likely talk like he's winning the fight when he is in fact actively losing. "had enough yet? (on the floor)"

– definitely games and he wins the competitive ones by button mashing. "I'll never tell you my strategy" he prays that's the strategy

– his sleep schedule is NOT normal. it's so beyond skewed. he either gets like 2 hours of sleep or he wakes up the following night not knowing what year it is

[chaotic-history]

Outside of V and Emile/Fritz what’s your fav relationship V has?

Ok I warned you that this was going to be a long answer, and idk if you meant specifically a romantic relationship, but I'm going to pretend that you didn't so that I can yap about my absolute favorite V relationship, which was with Claude Philippe Fyot de la Marche. And I have to yap about it extra since only one bio I've read has ever mentioned him, and even then, it was only to get facts wrong about him :/ (thanks Pearson).

V and la Marche were students together at Louis le Grand, and we have five letters from 17yo V to la Marche after la Marche had left the school early. There's.. a lot in those letters: (italics are originally in Latin)

"Please disabuse me of your perversity [la Marche had evidently called himself an Epicurean, and V wasn't having it] as I disabuse you of the opinion you have of my virtue, and make me a confession as sincere as the one I make to you. I know that it will cost you more than me, but I don't believe you want to hide your true feelings from me; this will be for me a lesson which perhaps I will not benefit from and will content myself with admiring; I see and I desire the better, I follow the worse. I finish with this line for fear that in continuing the picture I will make it so true that you'll believe me as insincere as you are when you speak of yourself."

And here's the context for the quote V said he couldn't finish w/o la Marche thinking him insincere:

(From Metamorphoses):  "Medea, you struggle in vain: some god, I do not know which, opposes you. I wonder if this, or something, like this, is what people indeed call love? Or why would the tasks my father demands of Jason seem so hard? They are more than hard! Why am I afraid of his death, when I have scarcely seen him? What is the cause of all this fear? Quench, if you can, unhappy girl, these flames that you feel in your virgin heart! If I could, I would be wiser! But a strange power draws me to him against my will. Love urges one thing: reason another. I see, and I desire the better: I follow the worse. Why do you burn for a stranger, royal virgin, and dream of marriage in an alien land? This earth can also give you what you can love. Whether he lives or dies, is in the hands of the gods. Let him live! I can pray for this even if I may not love him: what is Jason guilty of? Who, but the heartless, would not be touched by Jason’s youth, and birth, and courage? Who, though the other qualities were absent, could not be stirred by his beauty?"

There are multiple ways you could interpret this ofc, but also... gay

The rest of the letters are a combo of similar to the above and just depressing; V was super broken-up about la Marche's leaving. He also keeps trying to set up a time for them to meet in Paris, but there's no record of anything ever coming from that.

And then, in 1761, a monk murdered someone in Ferney and V wrote to la Marche's son about it since he thought it wasn't being investigated thoroughly enough and Marche fils was a magistrate at one of the parlements, and through that he and la Marche got back in touch and it's so 🥺🥺🥺

"M. de Ruffey, sir, made me shed tears of joy when he told me that you wanted to remember me, and that you resume the exchange of letters in which you have always been charming. My heart is still moved in writing to you. To think that it's been almost sixty years that I've been attached to you! My hair has gone white, my teeth have fallen out; but my heart is young: I am tempted to cross the mountains and the snow that separate us, and to come embrace you. I'm ashamed to admit to you that I consider myself in my retirement as one of the happiest men in the world; but you deserve to be so more than I do, and I warn you that I shall cease to be if you are not. You are honoured, loved, I know you have a very beautiful soul; a charming, fair, enlightened, sensitive soul ..."

And then eventually la Marche came to visit V at Ferney, and helped supervise the printing of the engravings for V's Corneille book that he was raising subscriptions for Mlle Corneille with

I think la Marche is my favorite just because all the letters are so sweet, and for the longest time I thought it was just the five early ones and then I was legitimately so fucking happy to find out that they did meet again in person. I also really wish there was more written about him, cause even if he's not super important historically when writing about V, V clearly cared about him a lot and la Marche was important to him

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 8/27

What am I feeling today?

I’m feeling calmer, more relaxed now. Yesterday had been an absolute day, it felt like thing after thing after thing went wrong and it was hard to stay positive through it all. My day yesterday ended w my dad being taken from urgent care by ambulance to the ER. I stayed with him for 8 hours and spent a lot of time being the go between for the doctors/nurses and my parents and explaining his history to them while explaining the interventions they planned to my parents. I got to rest a bit but quite honestly I was shaken up yesterday and just cried my heart out to God. I will be back at the hospital today since my father got admitted to a floor and I’ll bring them some more things. I pray this can all work out for the best♥️

Bible Plan: Does God Really Care?

God Won't Stop Loving You.

My parents live 3,000 miles away from me. And, because of this, my year is broken up into segments when I know we'll be with them, or when we're preparing for the next time we’ll be together.

I love being with my parents. We laugh and we talk, we make plans. They give great advice and even, through the years, we’ve cried together. Do you have someone like this in your life?

Here is this true statement:

God loves you.

He really loves you.

In an authentic, deep, raw, honest way that only the person who knows you best can love you.

He knows all about you—every thought and fear, every way you’ve hurt yourself, and you’ve hurt others. And despite all of this, He still wants to be with you.

You might not have someone who loves you despite all your weaknesses on this earth. But you do have the God of the universe—the Creator of all things—who says to you,

I will not leave you as an orphan. I will come to you.

Yesterday in prayer, I had to remind myself that God would not forsake me or abandon me. That He is my fortress and my strength. That He promises hope and a future. He cares for me and loves me. I just had to keep repeating these things to myself over and over again after what happened with my dad in order to have some comfort from God.

John 14:15-21 NIV

““If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.””

A solid reminder that those that love God obey His commands. We do not get to pick and choose what we do and don’t like about Christianity.

Hebrews 13:1-8 NIV

“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

I love the second line which is so fascinating to me! Some have housed angels without being the wiser. But regardless if they are ángel or mortal, we must show love to everyone around us because Jesus himself commanded that we love one another just as he has loved us and by this all people shall know that we are his disciples. Another reminder in here that God will not leave or forsake us and I truly believe that🙏🏼♥️

[ninadove]

Recently, I’ve seen many posts (well… ‘many’ as per East of Eden standards, so like, 3 or 4) regretting Steinbeck’s treatment of Cathy/Kate. And I must admit, it puzzles me, because I am absolutely convinced he wanted us to feel sympathy towards her.

Many of her thoughts and alleged crimes are reported by an unreliable narrator who has no way of verifying any of this information. Most importantly, Steinbeck himself admits he is an unreliable narrator and that he is not equipped to understand or judge her:

[Chapter 8] You must not forget that a monster is only a variation, and that to a monster the norm is monstruous.

[Chapter 13] It doesn’t matter that Cathy was what I have called a monster. Perhaps we can’t understand Cathy, but on the other hand we are capable of many things in all directions, of great virtues and great sins. And who in his mind has not probed the black water?

[Chapter 17] When I said Cathy was a monster it seemed to me that it was so. Now I have bent close with a glass over the small print of her and re-read the footnotes, and I wonder if it was true. The trouble is that since we cannot know what she wanted, we will never know whether or not she got it. If rather than running toward something, she ran away from something, we cannot know whether she escaped. Who knows but that she tried to tell someone or everyone what she was like and could not, for lack of a common language. Her life may have been her language, formal, developed, indecipherable. It is easy to say she was bad, but there is little meaning unless we know why.

And, interestingly enough — even this kinder diagnosis is disproven later on.

What supposedly sets Cathy/Kate apart from the rest of humanity is the concept of timshel, the great choice that should ‘give [her] stature with the gods’: something she should be pitied, not demonised, for lacking. But does she actually lack it? Does she?

[Chapter 50] Kate was not thinking. Her mind drifted among impressions the way a bat drifts and swoops in the evening. She saw the face of the blonde and beautiful boy, his eyes mad with shock. She heard his ugly words aimed not so much at her as at himself. And she saw his dark brother leaning against the door and laughing.

Kate had laughed too — the quickest and best self-protection. What would her son do? What had he done after he went quietly away?

She loves Aron because she (erroneously) believes he is the one good thing that came out of her. She is terrified of Cal because she (erroneously) sees him as the incarnation of everything that is wrong with her, and paradoxically of a choice she thinks she does not have herself:

[Chapter 39] Cal said, “I was afraid I had you in me.”

“You have,” said Kate.

“No, I haven’t. I’m my own. I don’t have to be you.”

“How do you know that?” she demanded.

“I just know. It just came to me whole. If I’m mean, it’s my own mean. […] I don’t think the light hurts your eyes. I think you’re afraid.”

“Get out!” she cried. “Go on, get out!”

“I’m going.” He had his hand on the doorknob. “I don’t hate you,” he said. “But I’m glad you’re afraid.”

Were she truly incapable of doing good, she would not care that much. Which makes her a stellar foil to Adam (much like the twins are foils to each other), who is obsessed with the concept of timshel and keeps making all the wrong decisions in the pursuit of a noble ideal that causes more harm than good.

The bottom line is: Steinbeck did an incredible job writing Cathy/Kate and deserves much more credit than he gets.

[jiliansky-blog]

Tale as old as time. Day 1. Arrival

Pairing: Morpheus x FairyPrincessReader  

Rating: PG

Words: 1800~

Note: I decided that it will be poppy instead of rose, because it symbolize death and dream. 

Eveline

When I appeared in Dreaming, it almost felt like home. Colors, butterflies, flowers. Very beautiful landscapes. Maybe I like this place better than I thought. I had thought that this realm would be dark and threatening, like a nightmare. But the opposite was the case. But will anyone meet me there? "Greetings, my lady," I suddenly heard a woman's voice. "I am Lucienne. The right hand and librarian of Lord Morpheus." "Um, hello," I said. "But I can not see you." "Forgive the inconvenience, my lady," Lucienne said. "You may follow my voice. I will lead you to the castle and then to your room." "Will Lord Morpheus receive me?" I said and walked towards the castle. "He will, but later," replied the woman. "He is busy at the moment and apologizes for not being able to meet you himself". I saw the beautiful castle guarded by dragons, griffins and chimeras. The castle was almost as magnificent as my mother's castle. But I was still impressed. "Let us go, my lady," Lucienne said. "You probably want to see your room and the rest of the castle". "I am," I confessed. "I am pretty curious". "You can go anywhere except the desert at the end of the country," she said, "which can be dangerous. And some other spaces. My master will tell you." "How mysterious," I remarked, intrigued. "Please, do not risk it", she sighed, "it can be really dangerous". "All right," I replied. "Here's your room, my lady," she said. We stood in front of the green door. When I opened it, I saw a big room, a huge bedroom, books and a closet. Everything was beautiful and in bright colors, which reminded me a bit of home. "It's wonderful," I sighed. "Thank you." "I am glad, my lady," Lucienne said. "I am sure Lord Morpheus will be pleased to hear that. You can get some rest. Dinner will be served soon. "Very well," I smiled. "Thank you again, Lucienne." "You are welcome, my lady," she replied, closing the door and leaving me alone. At least, that's what I thought.

I've been thinking about what Lord Morpheus looks like. Why he wanted me in his castle and rejected my mother. She said he was arrogant, cold, distant, and sometimes even cruel. That he couldn't really love, and if he did, it would only bring suffering. I wanted so much to help Mother, but now I'm not sure what to do. Suddenly I heard knocking at the window. But of course I didn't see anyone there. But I decided to open the window anyway. "Hello?" I said. "Hi," I heard the man's voice. "I know you can't see me, but I'm the raven. My name is Mathew. Nice to have you here." "Nice to meet you, Mathew," I smiled. "Is it true that you're the Fairy Princess?" he asked. "I'm the Fairy Princess, yes," I smiled. "Have you never met a fairy before?" "No, I was human before I became a raven," he replied. "And I've only ever heard or read stories about fairies".

"Oh, I see," I nodded. "My people stopped visiting the human kingdom a long time ago".

"Too bad, really," Mathew admitted, making me giggle. "You would not like a fairy humor, I can assure you," I said. "So, what are your plans now?" he asked. "This place should be a little different from your world," he said. "Now I am waiting for dinner with Lord Morpheus," I replied. "But then I do not know... it will depend on him". "You should not be afraid of his behavior," he said. "He can be cold, but he's just bad at dealing with emotions. He is not that scary". "Will he be invisible, too?" I asked. "And what happened to you?" "Mathew!" I suddenly heard Lucienne's voice. "Do not disturb our guest. She needs to get ready for dinner." "Okay, okay," Mathew said, flying to the window. "It's nice to meet you, princess. I hope we can talk later." "Absolutely," I smiled and turned to Lucienne, who could probably stand. "My master sent you the dress," and she showed a beautiful pink dress. "She asked me to tell you that it's up to you what you wear," I said. "Thank you, Lucienne," I replied.

“How much time do I have?” “Twenty minutes, my lady”, said the librarian. “Does that mean he is ready?” I asked and took the dress. Why not dress it? It’s not my color, but the dress is good and the gesture also is very sweet. “Almost, my lady”, the woman answered. “Very well”, I answered. “Then I will be ready in five minutes”. “Yes, my lady”, she said and left the room I changed my dress and looked in a big mirror. Is it how he saw me? An innocent maiden? Perhaps, it’s not a bad thing. Good, that he didn’t send the black dress. My mother said, that he always wears black. But she doesn’t say anything about his look. Is he handsome or not? I stepped out of the room and Lucienne coughed. Perhaps, to take my attention. She was clearly waiting for me. “Are you ready, my lady?” she asked. “I am”, I said. “But I am a little bit nervous about the meeting”. “Don’t be, Mathew was right”, Lucienne’s voice sounds softer. “Our lord isn’t so scary”. “Fine”, I sighed. “Show me the way then”. She led me with the sound of her voice to the huge room with a big table and chairs. Though no one was there yet. “I’m first”, I admitted. “Lord Morpheus will join you soon”, she replied. “Meanwhile you can decide what you want to taste for dinner?”

“I want a dandelion wine and also fruits”, I said. “And I like to try whatever you suggest. I like to try new things”. “Very well, my lady”, and there came silence. Invisible servants began to bring food and wine to the table, but still, there was no sign of Lord Morpheus. Why is he being late? Curiosity then changes to annoyance. I was a princess and I shouldn’t tolerate such an attitude. Mother would be angry and leave this place. But I just started my dinner in loneliness. Then I heard the footsteps. I hope it was the King of dreams. But I saw no one and heard Lucienne’s voice. She sounds apologetic. “I’m sorry, my lady”, she said. “But Lord Morpheus couldn’t join you for dinner”. “What? Why?” I was disappointed. “Is that how he treats his guests and his bride-to-be?” “He…doesn’t feel well”, she hesitated and replied. “He is really sorry and asked to say that he will do everything right next time”. “Should I now have all the dinners in solitude?” I asked. “I would like at least talk to him. If it’s possible”. “I will tell your words to my Lord”, she replied. “What else do you wish for tonight, my lady?” “A walk after dinner and a conversation with lord Morpheus later”, I replied. “As you wish, my lady”, Lucienne said. “Do you need company for a walk?” “No, I can do it myself today”, I said. “Very well”, she replied. “Have a good evening, my lady”. I feel frustrated. First, he wanted me here and now he declined his company. What am I? A flower or a statue or just some beautiful object? I was drinking my wine for some time and then decided that a walk will be a nice idea. I need to get acknowledge myself in the castle. The corridors were long and dark. There were many rooms. And soon I appeared in a big throne room. It was beautiful. I see a starry sky in the cellar. And high and long stairs to the throne. It was dark there, so I couldn’t see anything or anyone there. But I felt a presence. “Who is there?” I asked. “Who showed you the way here?” I heard a deep velvet voice. It made me shiver and cause goosebumps on my skin. “No one”, I answered. “I found myself. Lord…Morpheus?’ “You shouldn’t be here”, he said from the darkness. “Not now”. “Excuse me, but you sent for me”, I replied annoyed. “You wanted me to be here. And I wanted for you at the dinner”. “My apologies”, he said calmly. “But I couldn’t attend our rendezvous”. “That you owned an explanation why”, I said. “I don’t owe you anything, princess”, his voice now sounds threatening. “I’m in my own kingdom and don’t owe anything to anyone”. “Is that how you treat your guests and betrothed?” I said annoyed. “Very well!”. And I quickly left the room and I have never wished to find my room quickly. And for some reason, I indeed found it pretty quickly. My eyes prickled with unshed angry tears. Mother was right. He was arrogant and cold. Why was I thinking that this can change because of me? Maybe, tomorrow will be better. Perhaps, he will show up, apologize and say what got into him. Or otherwise, it won’t be another home, but the prison.

Morpheus

I growled from frustration and went to my chambers. The poppy was still there. The magical flower which I didn’t expect to receive. And it was so a deadly gift. And I couldn’t think that I probably ruin everything. 

“My lord?” I heard the voice of Lucienne. “May I?”

“You may”, I answered. 

“You don’t need to be so rude to the princess”, she noticed. “She is here willingly. And she can help you”. 

“I know”, I sighed. “It's just hard due to…all the reasons why I’m like this now”. 

“And also you need to remember, my lord, that she is a princess too”, Lucienne continued. “She didn’t use to this treatment. And your absence during the dinner doesn’t help too. You have never thought much of your appearance before”. 

“This time is different”, I said.

“And why is that?” she asked. “Do you afraid that she won’t like you? And if you won’t meet her how you will get along together?”

“Oh yeah”, I heard Mathew’s voice also. “Right now you have all the chances that she will escape earlier, that the month ended”.  

 «Mathew!” Lucienne sighed heavenly.

No matter that Mathew was annoying, he was right. I remembered the angry tears, shining in the princess’s eyes. Even so, she partially was responsible for my condition, she doesn’t know about it. It won’t be better, if I will make her run away. 

“You are all right”, I agreed. “I will try to be more patient with her”.

“You need to do something nice to her”, the bird said. “Maybe, something romantic. Some sign of attention, you know”.  

“I will think about it”, I nodded. “Now you are all free to go”. 

And there came silence. I believe that my subjects left the room and I was alone again. 

@ladymoztaza

[wannabe-woolfblogs]

Fear

“Come on, sis! It ‘s not going to take much time. You can just   sprint back “my brother chided.

“I am not going inside. It’s way too dark in there “. I replied through gritted teeth as I stood there giving a death stare to my brother, adamant on not going inside the dark room with a broken bulb to fetch the batteries. My brother was growing impatient 

It was a Saturday night, the designated but Movie Night for us but the TV remote did not have batteries and my brother had night blindness so that meant that his nyctophobic sister had to go and get the batteries. As I stood there, hesitating and trying to muster enough courage to take a step forward, droplets of sweat started accumulating on my forehead and I began to imagine myself being surrounded by the pitch black darkness and a chill ran down my spine as I tried to shake away the thought and took deep breaths as my heart kept pounding in my chest 

A week later from that moment, as I sit thinking about that moment, I realize why I am so afraid of the dark. When I look at the bigger picture, only then I begin to comprehend where this fear comes from. I realize that I am terrified of the dark because I am afraid of uncertainty and not being able to see what lies in front of me. I have learnt that it is not the fear of nonexistent spirits, demons or severed hands that would suddenly leap at me just like in  a scene from a horror movie. It is the uncertainty and unpredictability that makes me so nervous every time, even in day -to -day life. Perhaps I am afraid I am shortsighted and my myopia might lead to inexcusable blunders or maybe I am just not be ready enough to face whatever awaits me around the corner. Maybe I am scared of challenges that I feel I may never be able to accomplish. There are so many ways in which uncertainty and oblivion petrify me and I know that this dagger hangs over everyone ‘s heads throughout their lives and they live in fear ( They may or may not admit it but it is true ) . All of us are told that the most we can do is just always do our best and then hope that the dagger does not cut us this time , but just stays there ,daunting and still , waiting for the next opportunity to haunt us another day , during another situation . Of coarse , that is completely rational and probably , it is the way life goes on but in these times , in this highly complex and competitive world , where almost nobody ‘s mind is able to rest and one spends countless sleepless nights , switching sides several times in bed , it becomes close to unbearable . We live in a world where things change very quickly and nobody can be sure of anything completely so fear is natural and rampant. Fear also happens to be something that can never fade away, it might be replaced by another but never goes away entirely . It keeps holding us back from greatness and achieving our potential .But this does not mean that we should all just quit and cave in after getting intimated . It means that whenever we start experiencing fear , it is  a sign ; it is a signal for us to start looking for stronger incentives and inspirations and start being around the right people who will always be ready to support  us because even in the darkest hours , things seem easier and more promising in the future when you have people you can count on and incentives that are strong. I realize that when I have these two factors sorted , I  can coexist with my fears and go get those batteries

I wrote this during the beginning of eleventh grade when there was absolutely nothing to do.I miss that time .Thanks for reading by the way

Regards

[lecsainz]

hello, I absolutely love your work.

coud you do something with the reader being insecure about sleeping at the same bed as Carlos because she moves a lot while sleeping?

GOOD NIGHT BABE

parings: carlos sainz x girlfriend!reader

summary: the one where you are insecure about sleeping at the same bed as your boyfriend, carlos.

author 🗒️’s: now I also want to sleep with carlos

✩. . . masterlist !

You've always been a bit insecure about your sleeping habits. It's not something you like to admit, but the truth is, you're a restless sleeper. You toss and turn, flip your pillows over, and sprawl out in all sorts of strange positions during the night. It's not a problem when you're sleeping alone, but now that Carlos and you are spending more time together, the prospect of sharing a bed with him makes your insecurities flare up.

One evening, after a fun day of exploring the city, Carlos and you decided to stay in and watch a movie at his place. As the movie ended, he looked over at you with a warm smile. "You know," he said, "I've really enjoyed having you here. How about we get some rest, though? You look tired."

You couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness at the prospect of sharing a bed with him. You knew it was a significant step in your relationship, but your restlessness was a source of anxiety. "That sounds lovely," you replied, trying to hide your unease.

Carlos could sense something was on your mind. "Hey, is everything okay? You seem a bit hesitant," he said, his concern evident in his eyes.

You took a deep breath and decided to be honest. "Carlos, I'm a pretty restless sleeper. I move around a lot during the night, and I'm afraid I might disturb your sleep. I wouldn't want to keep you awake."

Carlos chuckled softly, and his laughter eased some of your worries. "You're worried about that? Don't be, mi amor. I promise you, I've slept next to race car engines roaring in my ears. You moving a bit won't bother me at all. I think it's kind of cute, actually."

His reassurance put you at ease, and you smiled back at him. "Okay, then. Let's give it a try."

As you settled into his cozy bed, you couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement and a touch of anxiety. Carlos turned off the lights, and you found yourself lying beside him in the darkness, your hands entwined. Your heart raced, and your mind was filled with a mix of anticipation and uncertainty.

True to your confession, you started to fidget a little in the bed. You shifted from one side to the other, trying to find the perfect position to sleep. Carlos, however, seemed to find your movements amusing. "Are you doing a little dance over there, mi amor?" he whispered with a playful tone.

You couldn't help but giggle at his comment. "I can't help it, Carlos. It's just how I am."

He pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you. "It's okay," he said softly. "I don't mind at all. In fact, I find it endearing."

His words and his warm embrace were incredibly comforting. With Carlos by your side, you felt safe and cherished, even in your vulnerability. As the night wore on, you continued to shift and turn, but every time you moved, Carlos would chuckle softly and pull you back into his arms.

"See, mi amor? You're not disturbing my sleep at all. You're making it even better," he said, his voice filled with affection.

With his reassurance and the knowledge that he found your restlessness endearing, you slowly began to relax. The anxiety that had plagued you earlier faded away, and you found yourself drifting off to sleep, feeling content and loved.

The next morning, you woke up to the soft light of the sun streaming through the curtains. Carlos was still asleep, his arms wrapped around you. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him sleep so peacefully. It was a beautiful moment, one you wanted to cherish forever.

As you continued to spend more nights together, you discovered that Carlos was true to his word. He not only accepted your restlessness but actually enjoyed it. He found your movements and your presence in his bed endearing, and he made you feel loved and cherished in every way.

Your shared nights became a source of comfort and happiness, a time when you could both be yourselves, quirks and all. You realized that love was not about being perfect or hiding your insecurities but about embracing them and finding someone who would cherish every part of you, just like Carlos did for you.

[photographertherapistblogger2]

Healing and clearing my Sacral chakra

What's masks do you wear to protect yourself from building true intimacy with the rest of the world?

So I think sometimes I talk to much snd not ask the right questions to see if I actually have a true connection, I trust to easily. In the past I've used it to mask being insecure about self worth and rejection. Honestly though when I'm happy I feel great but when it comes down to meeting someone new friend or relationship I'm scared to fully let go because of domestic abuse in a past relationship and neglect in my childhood. Yesterday was great for me because I spoke openly about my story and she understood me and respected my honesty. I want to find more of this but these days it seems impossible.

What aspects of your true self are you afraid to allow to be seen?

I show people the real me at the beginning to see what they can handle but then when I see something I don't like I go straight to auto pilot because I feel I know where this will lead. Sometimes I just sit and listen to get a jyst of someone and how they are before I make my decision on someone. My true self is many different things and only my kids will ever fully see that. I accept that someone could love me for who I am and if they were to walk infront of me right now and I felt the same about them as I do my children then I know that would be true love and hard for me to hide who I was. I have trust issues still yet I'm open how confusing is that.

Are you carrying any guilt around for anything you've previously experienced?

Yes I do and this is why I loved the conversation with this lady yesterday because I openly admitted something I did in a previously abusive relationship that I felt I had to do but deep down I never wanted to and that was to hit my children because I thought that was the only way. I will never ever do that again it absolutely breaks me to think I ever did that but I forgive myself. The other thing I still hold guilt for was my stillborn children alfie, I should of never been put in that situation and i need to forgive myself I had to do the only thing that would give you peace my sweet baby boy. Please forgive I didn't want you to suffer and when i meet you again I will give you the biggest hug. You were and always will be wanted ❤️❤️

What do you need in order to release this burden and no longer carry it with you?

At this point all I want is my children to forgive me and know I'm doing everything in my power to make things right whatever that is and give us the best life possible. Know I will always love you no matter what. I feel I need to forgive myself and fully accept what happened.

[amoveablejake]

Album of the Week: ‘Pocket Symphony’ by Air

Stand out song: ‘Mer Du Japon’. 

This is a review in progress but I couldn’t help myself from talking a little about it now. Okay, that isn’t strictly true. I have been sitting here for a little while trying to decide what my album of the week should be and steadily getting a bit annoyed. I was growing frustrated because I do not like having to pick my album of the week, it should come organically. It should rise above the others and present itself and often that is the case and today, it wasn’t happening. Why, well, it wasn’t happening because I was trying to find an album to talk about other than ‘Pocket Symphony.’ Why? Well, I suppose it is because I haven’t actually finished the record as of yet and that is not for lack of trying. I keep listening to the first few songs and getting caught in a loop which when it comes to this record is no bad thing.I felt in my heart that really I should be writing about ‘Pocket Symphony’ and so I have allowed myself to do just that and it is why I have opened this particular gambit with ‘this is a review in progress’, primarily to allow myself some breathing room for when I inevitably miss out some things that I am feel that I should be talking about however, that may be because I’m getting ahead of myself with excitement which again, I don’t think is any bad thing. 

It would seem that I am a sucker for French electronic music. Particularly for French electronic duos. Out of my top five favourite bands and potentially even top five artists at all, both Daft Punk and Air sit in that list. I was boldly typing then before I started to delete it that Air are my favourite of the two and whilst I think that may be true I don’t think that I can admit that to myself quite yet. Air have for some time now been one of my absolute favourite music creators. Ever since I heard ‘Alone in Kyoto’ I have been firmly part of their fan base as I gradually work my way through their discography in a very random and sporadic order. I am not rushing my way through it, instead taking a meandering path through their records over the years as I don’t want to ‘finish’ their body of work anytime soon. There are a few things in life that I like to know out there, as we know I enjoy knowing the Seattle Mariners are practicing and playing and I like to know that I have another Air album on the horizon at some point. I really am taking my time with their work which again can be evidenced by the fact that when I even start listening to one of their records I listen to each song over and over again before moving on. The music that Air put out is the sort of music that envelopes your whole being. It works itself into your mind and your heart but it goes much further than that, spreading out and entwining itself with who you are to become an extension of yourself. Normally I say certain artists are part of my roster but Air aren’t in that position, they’re up there coaching the rest of the roster with me. 

I am always slightly afraid that I will find an Air record that doesn’t quite work for me and really, yes I do know that will be okay. I do like some of their tracks more than others and that is only natural when you adore an artist. Not every song or album can be an absolute hit. Saying that though, I am deeply relieved that (so for at least) that ‘Pocket Symphony’ is as feeling as special to me as I was hoping it would. I have been hesitant to approach ‘Pocket Symphony’ and I’m not sure why. Perhaps because it is a little removed from what would be considered their ‘main’ body of work. Listening to it though, it should be counted among the ‘main’ albums in the discography as I’m sure all of their records should once I have made my way through them all. ‘Pocket Symphony’, again from its opening few songs only, shows the progression of the band. The sound here is more refined, you can hear the years of progress and development of the bands’ skills. In comparison, ‘Moon Safari’ feels very young and unpolished (which is in no way at all a slight, if anything it works in its favour) and here, we are seeing the fruits of the labour of the passage of time for the band. Sometimes as bands and artists progress they throw themselves into more experimental work or passion projects that don’t always do themselves justice. Or frankly, aren’t that good. Air do continue to experiment but in a more calculated way and it works absolutely in their favour as they make their voice, the band’s voice even stronger and clearer. ‘Pocket Symphony’ isn’t messing around, seeing if they can make something work to build a career, it isn’t even a sign to say we’re still here (in 2007 that is), it is just another reminder of how magnificent Air are and how their sound never stops being so alluring. And I hope that once I have listened to all of their work I will say the same thing and I am pretty sure that I will. 

-Jake, a man back in his city after more time spent on the trains, 27/03/2023

[widevibratobitch]

🚩 writes and reads disgusting opera fanfiction about the most problematic characters imaginable and puts them into horrible and filthy scenarios. is a boomer and a teenage boy simultaneously. doesnt like plants

id say these are all my assets but go off i guess 💅

[bukojuiice]

— genshin boys as your college roommates who are head over heels in love with you

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, and xiao x gn! reader

ೃ 400-600 words per character!  ♡

ೃ warnings: mention of alcohol drinking ( but aside from that, just lots and lots of fluff!)

ೃ this is my very first writing contribution to the genshin fandom, so i hope everyone likes it!  after 5 months of playing genshin, i think it’s safe to say my brainrot for it has finally consumed me and i’m confident enough to brew something up! <3

ೃ genshin impact masterlist 

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

CHILDE:

– You and Childe are the perfect embodiment of the best friends to roommates trope. Whenever you wanna sleep in for 5 minutes more and you’re about to run late for your first class, Childe never fails to slowly drag you out of your bed, laughing as he does so. “Wake up sunshine!” is the first thing you always hear in the morning and you don’t complain if you get to hear his smexy voice anyway. He is a confident flirt and is not afraid to show you how much he cares or how much he pines over you. 

–  He’s always always there to save the day. There was a time when your classmates stood you up on the group project you were making, and guess who comes up to you with glitter, glue, and colored paper? Childe, of course! He stayed up until the wee hours of the night with you just so he can help you finish it. He even promises to set things in a “very civil way” with your absolute jerk groupmates the very next day. You practically hang out with him 24/7 as most of the time he just barges in your shared apartment with some amusement park tickets on hand or to some expensive yoga or judo class. There’s never a dull moment with him and with each passing day, the more you fall harder for him.

–  After a morning jog with him and seeing cute little dogs frolicking around with their married owners, Childe suddenly had the urge to adopt a dog with you.  But, due to a no pets rules established by the landlord, the two of you opt to owning hamsters instead! Childe named his hamster, narwhal (after his favorite animal of course!) whereas you named yours bunny, to match his irrelevant pet name picking. your hamsters both share the same house/cage and even they are pining over each other.

  –  His siblings visit a lot, especially Teucer. At this point, there was never a day the little boy didn’t ask when are you and Childe going to finally become “playground playmates” (a term for lovers that they use in second grade apparently) since the two of you are living with each other and seem so close. Childe is always able to successfully change the topic and shift away from talking about the shared feelings that the both of you have for each other. But, alas, the day had finally came to be and during your monthly trip to the amusement park, Childe confidently confesses to you on top of the ferris wheel.

“So... everyone in my life knows that you’re my best friend. Yea, that’s pretty cool and all but... Can we be more than just that (Y/N)? Is there hope if I think there could be something between us?”

DILUC:

– Diluc is your posh and rich roommate who sounds and looks too good to be true. The fact that you’re roomies with the literal heir to the country’s biggest wine and beverage company sounds like something straight out of a fanfic. But, it was of his volition to decide to live in a penthouse near Teyvat University. It was the doings of his step-brother Kaeya who tricked him into getting a roommate so that he won’t be alone for the rest of his college years... aaand that’s where you come in. practically barged into his life, but, you were a blessing. an angel sent from the skies.

–  He’s quite cold and unapproachable at first, only greeting you whenever he sees you but never bothered to engage in small talk with you. Even if the both of you go to the same university. It wasn’t until your second month as roommates, when you accidentally had too much to drink after a friends’ night out. You come home to see him in the living room, drinking grape juice from a wine glass, and watching a rerun of Hannah Montana. You practically collapse at the front door, he rushes to you and helps you up as you drunkenly confess to him in tears how you wanted to become much closer to him especially since the  two of you are going to spend the rest of your college years together. That was when Diluc realized how distant and aloof he’s been and vows to make it up to you.

– Diluc is very talented. Albeit in very discreet way, he makes sure to make use of his talents especially if it’s an opportunity to make memories with you. He is an amazing cook as much as he tries to deny it, He’s a secret virtuoso caught in 4k when you impulsively bought a guitar one time and you asked if he knows how to play, and he does so well. He practically serenades you in the most non-obvious way possible. Lastly, He’s very athletic. You invited him to play tennis one time, betting that if he won, you would do his bidding for the rest of the week. Before you could even blink, he wins. His “punishment” for you was that you accompany him in binge-watching TV Dramas. Grey’s Anatomy and Downtown Abby are just some of the shows the two of you would watch. It is absolutely adorable seeing him so invested in these dramas. and since the next on Diluc’s list were sit-coms, you were preparing yourself to answer his questions on the context of jokes that he didn’t get. In a poor attempt to flirt with you, he calls out your name and recites in the most Joey Tribbiani voice he could muster, “How you doin?” You were laughing so so hard that night because his pick up line actually worked on you and suddenly your realizations came full circle: you were very much in love with him too.

–  His naturally cool yet shy nature had always gotten the best of him.  He’s always wanted to ask if you wanted to carpool with him to school. Riding with him in his Tesla sportscar that goes 150 Mph? Heck yeah. However, it took quite a while before he could muster up the courage to ask you (4 months of being roommates until he finally popped the question) Since then, the two of you go home to and from University whenever you had similar schedules. Ever since then, Diluc had began to soften. His cold and hard facade slowly melted. Asking if you could help tie his floofy red hair then he’d let you play with it and let you style it in different ways. He takes you out on café dates during lunch breaks and take you out to watch a movie after both of your late night lectures. Everyone in campus thinks the two of you are practically together at this point. All that was left was to bare your feelings with one another through a fumbling and awkward confession.

“Words cannot not suffice these feelings I’ve been harboring for you since the very beginning. I L-like you a lot. Do you feel the same way too?”

KAEYA:

- Everyone loves Kaeya. Your friends and family, The School Faculty, The owner of the Convenience Store from down the street, The old lady who lives next door, The little kids from down the hall, and even the angry brown poodles from the farthest apartment to your right absolutely loved him. it was hard to keep up with having a roommate that not only were you crushing so hard on, but also had such a vibrant social life. Kaeya interacts and socializes with a lot of people and he admits that it does tend to get tiring at times. But, if these sacrifices lead to coming home to his cute roommate who has captivated his heart since Day 1, then it’s all worth it.

— Despite how warm and friendly he may seem, Kaeya is a very private person. He’s brought two or three friends like Jean, Lisa, Albedo, or Rosaria. But, only to discuss school affairs. He wasn’t the kind of person who trusts others easily, even if he was giving off the impression that he was a trustworthy and reliable person himself. He’d much rather spend time with you on days off from school. He may be a party guy on the outside (he insists he does it for future connections when he graduates) but he’s quite a homebody. Kaeya is the type to watch korean dramas and anime with you, go on late night convenience store cravings, and these always resulted in a perfect evening spent with him. When the both of you are fully immersed into the anime and things get a bit cozy, you rest your head on his shoulder, huddling for warmth.

— Kaeya would always come home with a little something for you. May it be take-out food, A trinket, a board game, an accessory, and even skincare products. The indigo-haired man is very particular about self-care and you bet that he’s bought different kinds of face masks, ointments, and even matching cute headbands just for the two of you! He’s very flamboyant and flirts with you a lot. Trying to impress you with pick up lines and suggestive jokes, but you always thought that he was just joking around because that was always a part of his personality. It was always a part of him. For Kaeya on the other hand, it seems to him that you don’t take him seriously and it's possible that you don’t return his feelings at all. He had to set things straight and it didn’t take long until Kaeya found the perfect opportunity to do so.

— With the help of practically everyone in the apartment, Kaeya is about to surprise you with a candle-lit dinner up on the apartment rooftop. His sly smooth-talking quickly convinced you that the both of you were just going to go out on your nightly convenience store trips. Your curiosity grows when he takes you by the hand, covering you with a blindfold, and whispering to your ear, “Do you trust me?” Gripping onto his hand tightly, the both of you go up some stairs and you reply, “Yes Kaeya, I do.” He slowly uncovers the shield from your eyes and your eyes sparkle at the sight of the candle-lit dinner, complete with jazz music, and a romantic view of the city.

“(Y/N)... You are the most precious person to me. I hope you can take me seriously, especially my feelings. I am saying this with my heart in my hand and with nothing but genuine love in my soul.”

ZHONGLI:

— Zhongli is truly husband material. You’re saying this as his friend, as his roommate, and as someone who’s absolutely smitten over him. He’s a third year environmental archaeology student at Teyvat University. Gentle, kind, and has nothing but wise and intelligent things to say. your lovestruck self can’t help but just admire him from afar, not knowing that he too has been entranced by you ever since you moved in.

—He's always the first to wake up in the morning. The first thing he does is make you a cup of coffee. He's got your favorite memorized, (Coffee with cream. Not to sweet and not too bitter.) The both of you own matching mugs, (written in colored scribbled letters, “The Wise Roommate” for Zhongli and “The Cute Roommate” for you.) He always wants to spend his free mornings with you. Both of you have different schedules so you never see each other at Campus and this was the only blissful time of the day you can spend with one another. Once you get home for dinner, (Zhongli is always the first to get home if he doesn’t stay too long at the library or strolling around the city) If it’s your turn to cook or if it’s his, he never forgets to brew you oolong tea after dinner. A perfect chance for the two of you to just talk the night away and engage in deep and meaningful conversations.

—Zhongli fell in love with you because you just quietly listen to him. Sometimes, you would share your thoughts and insights, even sharing your own personal knowledge that Zhongli had not known prior. You were one of the very few people in his life whom he could talk about absolutely anything with. Well, who wouldn’t listen to a handsome man who has a voice as smooth as butter? He is very passionate about his studies. Taking a lot of extra courses and spending a lot of money on his research. and so, most of the time, he spends all of his Mora on his extra studies (excluding the money he needs to pay for rent) and other interesting antiques. You understood why though. So, instead, you ask him to accompany you to do mundane chores. Going grocery shopping, doing the laundry and cleaning the apartment. He always helps in any way he can. The prying eyes of people around you and the old lady fr next door boldly coming up to you to ask if you and Zhongli were a married couple. You blush profusely whereas Zhongli coolly denies the woman's claims. It hurt quite a little but who were you to complain?

— It was during one of your night strolls with Zhongli. He had invited you out after dinner under the guise of wanting to have some fresh air and find a clear spot for the fireworks from a nearby festival. Your heart was thumping loudly to a non-existent rhythm, blissfully unaware that Zhongli was feeling a burst in his chest too. He clears his throat and his shoulders straighten. Zhongli puts his hand on your shoulder and breathes deeply. His cool and gentlemanly aura still radiating off of him as always. A wonderful array of colors fill the sky as his lips began to form the words he's always wanted to say:

"Tonight is beautiful isn't it? I thought that this would be the perfect time to open my heart up to you... You are a diamond in the rough that few see the beauty of. My beloved– Will you accept my feelings?

XIAO:

—  Having a popular twitch streamer as your roommate was a one in a million chance. Especially if you’re not even an influencer or internet figure yourself. But, how did this come to be? Why have you developed a crush on Xiao aka VigilantYaksha without knowing who he was? A gamer with over 6 million followers on different social media platforms? Simple, a high-end apartment near Teyvat University had a special discount if you were willing to be roommates with someone. It’s an amazing deal, near your school, cost-efficient, and you believed the 10% chance of scoring a hot roommate as seen on reality TV and romantic comedies. It was like rolling through a Gacha Game and getting a 5 star character. As that “character” is soon to be revealed as Xiao.

— Things started off rocky at first. On your first day, he flatly welcomed you by the door, introduced himself, then quickly retreated back to his room. As soon as you locked eyes with him, he gave off a certain cold and unfriendly aura. You wanted to get to know him better. Maybe with a little love and care, he could open up to you and you could become friends! That same day, you had mistakenly thought of your room as his and you walked in on him streaming a horror game. He wasn’t spooked by the jumpscares. But instead, he was looking at you in horror because you’ve just exposed yourself to thousands of people. You wave at the camera, apologize, and left. Since then, his fans, (called the Anemo Tofus) have been shipping the two of you together. Creating fanfiction and fanart of Xiao and the mysterious roommate that accidentally walked in on him. They practically begged Xiao to at least talk a little bit about you, to which, he declined. When you surprised him with dinner (as a little treat since this was your first week with him) He sits across the table from you, his eyes gazing deep into yours, as he pops the question, in a very tsundere tone: “Would you like to appear in my streams? T-the Anemo Tofus wanna learn more about you. B-but, if you don’t want to, it’s alright! You don’t have to-” You cut him off before he could continue his doubts, “Xiao! What are you saying? I’d love to!”

  —  There was something blossoming between the two of you after that particular dinner with him. Starting with your first “roommate video” that you had thought of when you were brainstorming for video ideas. It was an Almond and Mapo Tofu mukbang whilst the two of you answered questions from fans! The viewers noticed how visibly comfortable he was around you despite his usual reserved attitude. He was cracking up a lot more sarcastic and self-deprecating jokes whilst Tofu filled both of your mouths. Outside of the confines of social media and inside the comfortable space that was your apartment, you and Xiao grew closer. Wearing matching hoodies, going on midnight snack runs, playing in arcades, and stargazing with him up on the rooftop as you contemplate about life and talk about the mysteries of the universe. There were times when you would stay up late doing school works and would accidentally fall asleep on the sofa. Xiao would come out of room because he periodically had cases of insomnia. When he sees you on the sofa, he can’t help but smile at your sleeping figure and admire your beauty. First. he brings all your clutter back to your room then slowly picks you up from the couch, into his arms, and brings you back to your room. He places a blanket on top of you and your stuffed plushies next to you so you can hug them any time. 

— On a particular night, you fell asleep on the sofa once again and begun to  have recurring nightmares. Xiao was there to witness you whimpering, muttering to yourself, and shivering to a mental image that he could not see. (He wishes he could erase all the pain that these nightmares were giving you) You subconsciously grab onto his hand, murmuring to yourself: “Xiao, please don’t go.” He whispers back, “I won’t.” Your nerves slowly relax when you feel the Yaksha squeezing himself to lie next to you on the couch. Holding onto your arm, he continues to reassure you that it was going to be okay. You grab onto him, hugging him from behind. He feels your heartbeat revert back to it’s normal pace and you return back to your peaceful slumber. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/N). I’ll be here to protect you. Forever and always.”  Turning to you to plant a kiss on your forehead, you nestle your head on Xiao’s chest. He watches as you cling to him for love and warmth until he is slowly whisked away by his weariness, rewarded with a peaceful sleep he hasn’t felt in a while.

“And they were roommates.”

[darlingvita]

gentleman jack 2x04 thoughts

I want to start off by saying simply that I adored this episode. I was particularly nervous about it going in, as I knew inevitably it would cause a lot of controversy and fandom discussion, what with it being the Cheating Episode and it being quite Mariana centric, but I thought it was beautifully written, incredibly acted, and I thought the editing and directing were absolutely on point this episode. I want to share some of my thoughts on my favourite parts, because there is so much to discuss. There is a lot to get into, so I will put the rest under the cut.

1. That opening scene

I knew I was going to love this episode as soon as it began with the effortless transition from the recap into the first scene. The pure melodrama of Mariana’s first (new) line of the episode being “—and I’m even more ridiculous for still being in love with you” made me gasp. What I love about this season so far is how utterly unapologetic it is in its lesbian drama. Melodrama often comes with the period genre, everything elaborate and decadent and showy, and I love that we are finally allowed to have a lesbian version of that. We have the beautiful over-the-top romance (like the gorgeous hilltop scene in 1x08, as well as the stunning scene at Rievaulx Abbey in 2x01) and now we also have the absolutely delicious Ex Drama , which I am honestly eating right up. It might not be up everyone’s street – love triangles are always going to polarise people – but considering this is a true story, or at least, is based on a true story, I am loving every second of it. The effortless transition, along with Anne looking at the camera, and then the absolutely stunning shot of Mariana noticing Anne’s ring had me breathless before we even got to the heart of the episode.

2. Lydia Leonard

I thought Lydia’s performance really shone in this episode. Mariana was manipulative, and at times it was uncomfortable to watch, but all the while I really did empathise with her, for her struggle and her complexity. Her delivery of the line above was beautiful (and every mention of “wife” just makes my heart soar), and so was, particularly, the moments leading up to the sex scene (which was incredibly hot, I will not be afraid to admit). Lydia and Suranne’s chemistry was absolutely on fire.

3. “Not just what I wear, but my manner, the way I walk, everything.”

Perhaps the most special part of Gentleman Jack to me is the portrayal of a butch/femme relationship on screen. I know there is some hesitancy to use these words to describe them, as Anne and Ann were extremely wealthy and butch/femme are terms that originated in a working class lesbian community, but as a femme lesbian myself, it’s impossible not to recognise the way my desire and my experience is being portrayed on screen. I see myself in Ann Walker more than I’ve seen myself on screen before. In the scene in the garden with Mariana this episode, Anne beautifully describes how Ann accepts her wholly for who she is, and the line I quoted above particularly hit me as it managed to communicate what a lot of people don’t understand: being butch goes so far beyond just the way you dress. Another line which, to me, described this beautiful and revolutionary love came earlier in the episode: “She committed to me. She braved the world’s opinion just to be with me.” It all hit very close to home, and it reminded me yet again why this show is so important to me.

4. Ann’s confidence in shutting down Mr Ingham

Ann has grown so much this season, and I keep saying that s2 is her time to shine, because it really feels like she is gaining confidence and self-assurance and it’s the most beautiful thing to witness. Not only does she immediately defend Anne when Mr Ingham calls her “eccentric”, but she firmly, and with suppressed rage (Sophie’s portrayal of Ann is so nuanced and layered, especially her microexpressions which manage to reveal so much more than the text), immediately shuts down his offer of marriage. She is happy with who she is, with her wife. I love seeing Ann’s courage and bravery so beautifully portrayed.

5. The last scene

This was a difficult one to watch, the use of “Gentleman Jack” used as a slur (I believe for the first time in the show? Unless I am forgetting), and Anne’s face said it all. Suranne is so talented, and you could really see how it hit Anne in that moment, how she wasn’t expecting it. We see Anne as extremely brave, as rising above it all, but I always appreciate the moments where we see that she is human, and homophobia, even when we are unfortunately used to it, can wear us down. It was only upon rewatching that I also noticed that the crowd are whispering about Anne, turning to stare and talking about her. I felt it all so heavily in my stomach, that gut-wrenching feeling of being judged, how real that is, how accurate to the gay experience. There is so much of this show that is difficult to watch, and I know that some people use this as a criticism, that the homophobia is quite prevalent this season and that it is jarring, but I disagree. To me, it would be doing a huge disservice to the real Anne Lister and Ann Walker to pretend like their lives were easy, and instead, by showing this scene at the end of an episode where Anne clearly was not acting the most moral shall we say, the show is clearly reinforcing: these women were living revolutionary lives in a time of misogyny and homophobia, and they deserve to be treated and viewed (in our modern-day lens) with empathy.

Other highlights for me: Marian was hilarious as always, as was Captain Lister. The tenderness and eroticism of the scene where Anne takes her clothes off in front of Ann for the first time also took my breath away. I agree that it should’ve been longer, but I think it was beautifully done nonetheless. The use of music, the editing, the costumes, were all absolutely 10/10 this episode. Best episode of the season for me so far.

[blu-joons]

When He Holds His Child For The First Time ~ SF9 Reaction

Inseong:

Your hand pointed to Inseong as soon as the midwife turned around with your daughter, ready with the important question. “Who’s going to go first?”

Inseong’s mouth opened to speak, but the midwife was already following the direction of your pointed finger. “No, Y/N, it’s only right that you go first.”

“No, it’s not, I want you to be the first one Inseong.”

Shaky arms stretched out as the midwife began to hang your daughter over. “Am I doing it right?” He instantly asked, terrified of messing something up or causing harm.

“Relax,” you giggled, “you’re doing a good job.”

“But she’s so small,” Inseong whispered, trying to keep calm as the midwife moved her arms away. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this feeling, being a father already feels so cool.”

“You’re doing great,” you encouraged as Inseong walked across to you, “that little girl has no idea how lucky she is to have you in her life.”

“She’s very lucky,” Inseong agreed, “but not because she has me, but because she has you, an incredible mother.”

“An incredible mother because I’ve got an incredible partner too.”

Youngbin:

Your smile grew as Youngbin’s eyes looked to you, barely able to believe the little one in front of him. “It certainly looks as if she’s taken a shine to you.”

His head nodded, unable to quite believe what was happening. “I don’t think I want time to end for a long time, can we stay here, right now, forever?”

“The first hold is always going to be the best hold.”

Youngbin nodded once again, smiling down at her barely open eyes. “If I hold onto her forever then it’s always going to be my first hold of her, and always special too.”

“What about me?” You joked, “I want a hold too.”

“You’ve carried her for nine months, it’s my turn now,” he teased, holding her a little bit tighter, “I’ve laid by her side for months, desperate to be able to have a moment like this with her.”

“At least whilst you hold her, she can’t kick you like she did me in here,” you pointed out to him, tapping against your tummy softly.

“You can hold her soon,” Youngbin assured you, “I just don’t think I’m ready to let her go just yet, not for a while.”

“It’s alright, I’m in no rush, take your time with her properly.”

Jaeyoon:

It all felt surreal as your son was placed against Jaeyoon’s chest, curling up straight away against his skin. “See, you look like a complete natural straightaway.”

Jaeyoon wasn’t quite sure what to do as he looked across at you, “I feel like I’m in a bit of a dream right now having our son here after so long of waiting.”

“We’ve definitely waited a while for this moment to arrive.”

His head nodded in agreement, staring back down at your son. “I can’t believe how innocent he is; he has no idea of the amount of love so many already have for him.”

“Are you getting emotional?” You teased, “is the joker crying?”

“Perhaps,” he chuckled back at you, trying to keep himself together. “I wish I had something funny to say right now, but my heart is too full to even try and ruin this moment that we’re in.”

“You’re doing a good job,” you smiled across at him, “make sure that he enjoys the quiet now before he has to live with all of your stupid dad jokes.”

“They’re not stupid,” Jaeyoon tried to argue, “he’s going to have a great sense of humour just like his daddy does.”

“It already sounds like I’m in trouble with you two.”

Dawon:

Helpless eyes looked across at you as soon as you suggested to Sanghyuk holding your daughter. “There’s no need to look so afraid, it’s easy.”

Sangyuk continued to stare back at you, with a soft shake of his head. “She looks comfortable with you right now, let’s give it a little bit more time first.”

“You can’t put off holding your daughter forever you know.”

He sighed softly, looking down at the sleeping baby that you held. “I’m just scared of doing something wrong, what if I drop her or something like that?”

“That won’t happen,” you smiled, “just don’t stress.”

“Easy for you to say,” he responded, already finding himself moving forwards, as did you too. “How am I even supposed to hold my hands, where do you support a baby when holding them?”

“Calm down,” you assured him, resting your daughter into his extended arms, “just keep her nice and secure and you’ll be absolutely fine with her.”

“Secure,” he repeated, moving her tightly into his chest, “am I doing it right? Do I look the same as when you hold her?”

“You’re doing fine, and she’s still asleep, so it’s perfect.”

Zuho:

Your eyes instantly looked to Juho as you heard him whisper your name. “What is it?” You questioned, naturally feeling yourself panic.

His mouth was wide open, eyes staring down at awe. “He just looked at me and smiled, I’m sure that was a smile, do you think he knows who I am?”

“He’s listened to your voice for nine months; I expect he can.”

“Really?” Juho quizzed, not expecting that to be your response. “But I thought that was just an old fable about babies hearing voices in the bump.”

“It’s true,” you laughed, “but you never believed me.”

“I’m beginning to believe it now with these beautiful eyes staring back up at me,” he admitted, unable to look in your direction. “I just want to stay in this moment with him forever.”

“We’ve got years ahead of us for many moments like this,” you assured him, “with you as his dad, he’s always going to stare at you in awe.”

“I never imagined that anyone could steal my heart as quickly as this, he’s just too cute,” Juho then whispered.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as soft as this either.”

Rowoon:

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the difference between Seokwoo and your daughter as he held her into your chest. “You make her look so small.”

His eyes looked down at the sleeping bundle that he held in his arms. “I’m too scared to move in case I do anything, she’s so fragile and small Y/N.”

“You won’t hurt her, you’ve just got to be careful, that’s all.”

“I feel like I’m too tall to hold a baby,” he softly laughed, careful not to disturb her sleep. “I don’t want to be the reason that she wakes up too.”

“It’ll be alright,” you assured him, “if she wakes, she wakes.”

“You make it all sound so easy,” he sighed, looking back across the room to you, “I feel like I’ve just been thrown in at the deep end, suddenly I have so much responsibility for this little one.”

“And I know that you’ll do a great job too,” you encouraged, offering Seokwoo a smile. “It’s natural to feel worried at the very start, I am too.”

“Why?” He questioned, “you seem to have everything so under control, and I’m just one big mess right about now.”

“I’m hiding it well, that’s the difference between us.”

Yoo Taeyang:

As soon as the door had closed, your eyes looked to Taeyang as finally the three of you were left alone. “Do you want to hold him for a bit?”

His eyes widened, looking between you and your son. “But the midwife told you to have him for a while, skin to skin contact is good for you both.”

“He should have contact with you too, not just me Tae.”

You were stubborn, which he knew, not even attempting to argue with you. “If she tells us off for this, then I’m definitely putting all the blame on you.”

“That’s fine,” you smiled, “I take full responsibility.”

“Alright,” Taeyang whispered, taking his shirt off, pulling his chair closer towards you. As you leant forwards and placed your son into his arms, a loud gasp came from Taeyang at his first touch.

“Support his bum,” you instructed, reaching across to help Taeyang place his arms in the right place, “he’s so tiny, especially in your strong arms.”

“I can’t believe he’s so small,” Taeyang whispered, staring down at him, “how do we manage to do this?”

“We’re just such a good team, that’s exactly how.”

Hwiyoung:

As you began to stir from your sleep, your heart couldn’t help but sink as you saw Youngkyun in front of you. “They let you hold her?”

His head nodded with a soft smile, “you looked too peaceful asleep to wake up, do you want to hold her for a bit? I’ve had her in my arms for a little while.”

“I wanted to be able to see you hold her for the first time.”

He was helpless as he stared back at you. “I couldn’t say no to the midwife when she handed her over, it all happened a bit too quickly. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed, “it’s not that big of a deal.”

“It’s more important that you hold her anyway,” he spoke up as he began to approach you, “the midwife did say that it wouldn’t be too long before we could try feeding for the first time.”

“That’s so scary,” you sighed, pushing yourself upright so that Youngkyun could place her against your chest. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Do whatever feels right,” he encouraged, “you’ve always had maternal instincts, so this will be easy for you Y/N.”

“I just don’t want to be the one to mess things up.”

Chani:

Your eyes instantly looked to Chanhee as the midwife turned around with your son in her arms. “Who’s going to be the first one to step up?”

Chanhee’s eyes flickered down to you, surprised to see you already staring across at him. “It should be you, you’re the one that just gave birth to him Y/N.”

“No, you hold him first, I know how excited you are.”

His head reluctantly nodded, taking a step towards the midwife, “what am I even supposed to do?” He questioned, beginning to feel himself getting quite frantic.

“Take a breath,” you called out to him, “it’s fine.”

“Deep breath,” he spoke to himself, extending his arms out as your son was placed into them, letting go of a sharp intake of breath. “Gosh, he’s beautiful, Y/N we really do make good babies together.”

“Let me see,” you whispered across to him, shuffling along the bed to make room for them both. “He looks so tiny, and you look so big.”

“He’s so delicate,” Chanhee whispered, “I can’t believe we get to be the ones to see such a tiny little human grow.”

“He’s going to grow up being one very spoilt kid.”

---

Masterlist

[watermelonlovershigh]

Harry Gets Food Poisoning While at Your House

This prompt was requested by this ask and I just put my own take on it. Hope everyone enjoys.

Things to help you understand this story better:

(Boyfriend-Girlfriend/Dating for 2 years/Harry stays over at your place a lot/You ate something different than Harry/Dunkirk Harry era)

(wish that photo was really Harry but unfortunately its not. dead give away by the hand :( )

Harry and yourself decided to order Chinese take-out for a at-home date night. You both scoffed down the tasty food while sitting on the sofa watching romantic comedies. Once you finished eating, you and Harry cuddled together on the sofa under a warm fluffy blanket. You laying on your back and Harry laying on his tummy between your legs, with his head resting on your boobs. While focusing on the film, you run your small fingers in his brown curls and he relaxes into your touch, letting out content sighs.

About an hour after eating, Harry becomes restless on top of you. Before, he was laying peacefully, but now he's squirming every few seconds. "You alright babe?" you question down to Harry on your chest.

"Mhmm my stomachs starting to hurt." he replies truthfully. He's unsure the cause but his stomach is swirling and his heart rate is picking up at the mere thought of having to be sick. Especially the thought of being sick at his girlfriends house during the at-home date you had planed. He doesn't want to ruin it by getting sick.

"Oh m'sorry. Do you think it was the Chinese food?" you speak remorsefully.

"I don't know but I don't want to be sick," Harry says with a voice crack indicating he's actually getting upset, "and ruin our date night." When he finishes his sentence, he starts softly sobbing into your chest.

"Hey, hey, Harry," you say sternly but still in your caring voice, "you would not be ruining our date night. You can't help if your feel sick. Do you maybe want to go sit in the bathroom so you're closer to the toilet?"

Harry just nods his head and you help him stand up from his position on your chest and onto his barley stable feet. Then you guide him to your downstairs hall bathroom because its the closest bathroom to your living room. You walk Harry up to the toilet and help him kneel down in front and you squat down behind him. "I feel so sick y/n!" Harry moans out through shallow breaths.

"It's gonna be okay Harry. I'm right here. It's okay to be sick. I won't be mad." you reassure your boyfriend so he knows he doesn't have to keep in his sick for your sake and so he'll feel better. Because you know undoubtedly he has food poisoning from the Chinese food he ate earlier and if he keeps the toxins in his body, he will just feel sicker and sicker.

Harry's back arches over the toilet as he lets out a sickly sounding gag. You grimace at the noise but know you must keep it together to take care of him and comfort him. He's breathing rather heavy with his mouth hanging open and saliva dripping out into the water. "Shhh babe, just relax and throw up. Your tummy will feel so much better after." you gently coo in his ear. You have one hand rubbing circles on his muscular back and one hand pushing back his curly bangs that's falling in his face. He lets out a harsh dry heave and it follows with a long stream of vomit exiting out his mouth and splattering in the toilet water. You have to close your eyes to not be sick yourself.

In-between spells of emptying his stomach, Harry mutters, "You can leave me in here alone. Don't want you seeing me like this." He is absolutely crazy to think you'd leave him in such a vulnerable state. You love Harry and him being sick doesn't stray you away from being by his side in such a situation.

"Harry, I am not leaving you. I don't care if you're sick. You've seen me sick many times and took care of me each of those times. So I'm taking care of you." you calmly say back. Honestly, Harry feels so sick that he doesn't try and argue with you. If he's being truthful, he's actually thankful you're with him, comforting him, because he hates being sick alone. He may not admit that out loud but its true. Something else that happens when Harry's sick, alone or with someone there with him, he gets emotional. An uncontrollable emotion that follows during or after getting sick. One thing he hates most about this situation right now is looking weak in front of you. He's always so strong and being this vulnerable in your eyes suck.

What Harry doesn't know is that you like this side of him. Not the sick version of course but the weak side. It shows he isn't perfect and you honestly don't think you could even date someone who puts themselves out as such.

Harry forcefully throws up a few more times until he's just dry heaving with nothing more to expel. "I think you're done babe." you tell Harry softly as he's dry heaving with no results.

Harry just shakes his head weakly and replies, "I still feel sick though. My stomach hurts so bad." Tears are rolling down his face and his hands that grip the sides of the toilet seat are slightly shaking.

"I know but I think the toilet is making you feel more sick." You reach over him to flush his puke down the toilet so he doesn't have to look at it a minute longer. Harry sits up straight and turns his head back slowly to look at you. This is the first time you have seen his face clearly since he's gotten sick tonight and the first thing you notice is how red his eyes are, probably from all the gagging and dry heaving, and you see the wetness of his cheeks due to crying. Along with the bit of vomit that his on the corner of his pink lips and line of sweat on his forehead. You feel horrible for him. You'd hate to be in his position but almost wish the roles were reversed, just to take his discomfort away. That's how much you love him. You'd do just about anything for Harry. Even if that means take his food poisoning away from him and have it yourself.

You reach for some toilet paper and rip a piece off to wipe his mouth clean. While wiping his vomit covered mouth, Harry just sits and stares at you. He feels so little right now. Almost like he's a small child who's just been sick and their mum is cleaning them up. Even though Harry is embarrassed he got sick on what was supposed to be a lovely date night where you both ate non contaminated food, watched film after film, trying not to fall asleep, or maybe had some romantic intimacy at the end of the night, he actually feels happy right now. Not happy his stomach is upset but happy he got lucky enough to have a caring girlfriend that is by his side during his ugliest moments. He thinks he may have just fell more in love with you. Seeing how compassionate you are towards him when he's sick.

When you finish wiping around his mouth and a little bit of nasty drainage from his nose, Harry becomes emotional again. Like stated previously, he always gets quite emotional when he's sick but that's not the only cause of his emotions right now. He is also crying because he's thinking about how much he truly loves you and how he never thought he'd find someone with your level of compassion.

You throw away the soiled tissue and pull Harry forward so you can embrace him in a warm hug. You don't really understand why he's crying so much. Is it because his stomach is still hurting or he's embarrassed? "Why are you crying Harry?" you question him then continue, "It's alright. I'll give you medicine to make you feel better. Don't worry about that."

While rubbing both hands up and down his sweaty back, Harry says through soft sobs, "I just love you so much. How did I get so lucky. I've had partners in the past to push me away when I was sick and you didn't. You stayed and took care of me." He lifts his head so he can view your face when he mutters out the rest. "I'm gonna marry you one day you know. Want to call you my wife. Want to have lots of babies with you. Be with you till I'm a hundred. Promise I do."

His words have brought tears to your eyes. Knowing how grateful Harry is that you're taking care of him when he's sick means so much. You didn't think twice before helping him when he said he felt sick, so it must be the true love you feel for this man crying in your hold. With a shaky smile and watery eyes, you look at him in his glossy green eyes and say, "I would kiss you right now but I have a feeling your breath smells like puke so I'll pass. Love you so much Harry and of course I took care of you. I love you and that's what you do for the people you love. Take care of them in their weakest moments."

You hold him for a few more minutes on the bathroom floor until your bum gets sore from the hard tiles. You help Harry stand to his feet and walk him to your bedroom located up the stairs of your house. Then you help him slide into bed and tell him you'll be right back with some medicine and a glass of water.

A few minutes later, you come back with the upset stomach tablets and water for Harry to take and ease his turning tummy. Once he's taken the medicine, you go grab your mini trash bin in your bathroom and place it beside the bed incase he feels like he's gonna throw up again. Then you turn all the lights off and crawl under the warm blankets with your boyfriend. Without hesitation, Harry scoots over and places his head on your chest. He's past the point of being scared to look weak. He just wants comfort and the one thing that brings him the most is you. The love of his life. "Thank you for taking care of me tonight." Harry whispers with a hoarse voice.

"You don't need to thank me babe. I was glad to be there for you. I know you don't like getting sick and I was happy to at least make the experience a little bit better. Now go to sleep and if you feel sick again, the bin is on the floor beside the bed for you. Also don't be afraid to wake me up if you feel nauseous. I want to be there to comfort you." you reply back in a whispered tone. You kiss the top of his messy curls and Harry relaxes into your hold on him. Feeling safe and secure in your loving arms. Then you both fall fast asleep.

Thankfully Harry didn't get sick anymore through-out the night and the medicine you gave him seemed to have worked. The next day he was just exhausted form exerting so much energy being sick the day before but other than that, his stomach felt calm. You made him homemade chicken soup and cuddled him in bed, watching his favorite movies all day. Loving every second you get to spend with Harry before he has to leave and go on his world tour in a months time.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

[wrenhyperfixates]

We Make a Pretty Good Team

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: It’s game night at the Avengers Tower, and you find the perfect partner in Loki. Warnings: ‘tis but fluff A/N: Just another self-indulgent, fluffy story. Hope you enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02​​ @frostedgiant​​ @lunarmoon8​​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​​ @lokistan​​ @lowkeyorlokificrecs​​ @gaitwae​​ @whatafuckingdumbass​​ @castiels-majestic-wings​​ @kozkaboi​​ @cozy-the-overlord​​ @birdgirl90​​ @myraiswack​​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine 

“First Saturday of the month. You know what that means,” Tony hollered to the Avengers scattered about the Tower.

“Yes!” Thor boomed. “Be prepared to lose.”

“Funny,” Clint laughed with a roll of his eyes. “I was just about to say the same thing to you.”

“What is happening?” you asked, somewhat bewildered, as the heroes came into the room. “What’s significant about Saturday?”

“Oh my gosh, that’s right. You just missed the last one. Every first Saturday of the month we have a game night,” Nat explained.

You’d been part of the team for just under a month, having officially joined on a Sunday. So, it was true that you’d yet to experience their apparently traditional game night. It sounded like a great deal of fun, though, especially because the Avengers had become your second family in the short time you’d known them. Well, you’d actually known Nat and Clint for years, since you all worked for SHIELD. In fact, they were a huge part of the reason you were an Avenger now. A few months ago there was a particularly dangerous crime ring, and they’d specifically requested you as backup. You’d clicked with everyone immediately and, numerous transfer papers later, here you were.

“Sounds exciting!” you told them. “What are we playing first?”

“Well actually,” Bruce said kind of sheepishly, “it’s not that I want you to sit out, but they’re all team games, and we don’t have an even number of people.”

“So we have a team of three,” Nat said, as if it were obvious.

“No way. That’s unfair,” Tony argued.

You bit your lip, feeling like maybe you were intruding on something you shouldn’t be a part of. It was their thing, after all, and perhaps there was simply no room for a newcomer. As they continued to bicker about whether one larger team mattered or not, you considered just slipping away. That’s when you noticed that there was someone missing.

“What about Loki?” you said. “He would make the numbers even.”

Much to your surprise, everyone burst out laughing. You nervously ran your sweaty palms on the legs of your pants and let out a small laugh, though you weren’t quite sure at what. Once their cackling died down, you dared to ask what was so funny.

“My brother never attends these games nights,” Thor informed you. “He isn’t one for group activities, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“Well, have you ever invited him?”

“Once or twice,” Tony said. “Listen, if you want to try to make a social butterfly out of Reindeer Games, be my guest. In the meantime, we’ll work out a feasible way for us all to play.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed a little, standing up to go find Loki. It was honestly ridiculous that they still treated him the way they did. Sure, he likes to be alone sometimes, but that doesn’t mean he likes being lonely. Not that he’d ever actually admitted to you that he was, but you knew. It was blatantly obvious in the way he sent longing glances toward the rest of the team when you gathered together. You always made sure to ask him over, an invitation he usually accepted. Everyone else had laughed the first time you’d done that, too. They’d only ever asked him a few times, and it was right when he was new and still so lost, so alone, so afraid. Why they took that to just be his permanent disposition, you didn’t know. Regardless of how insensitive they were to his situation, your inclusivity had brought Loki out of his shell a bit, and a friendship had blossomed between you.

A short walk later, you reached his door. You stretched out a hand, but hesitated to knock. Doubt gnawed at the back of your mind. Maybe he truly was not a fan of board games, and then you’d be interrupting his night. After all, he must have a tradition of his own if this happens every first Saturday. Still, you knew that was usually not the case, and steeled yourself against the uncertainty.

“Hello, my little mortal,” he greeted you, opening the door. “Is everything alright?”

“No.”

“What is it? Are you ill? Hurt?” he questioned, jumping into action and shepherding you to his couch.

“No, nothing like that,” you laughed, though you were touched by his concern. “It’s just that it’s game night, and we don’t have an even number of people.”

“Oh? And I suppose that you are asking me to join,” he mused as you nodded. “I am not usually invited, and I am notorious spoiled sport, just ask Thor.”

“Well, people say a lot of things about you, and they’re usually not true.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t have to play if you really don’t want to, but will you? Please. For me?”

“For you, my little mortal, anything. After all, how can I resist those puppy dog eyes?”

You giggled and led the way out of his room, ignoring the thumping of your heart when his hand accidentally brushed yours. Nat and Tony were still bickering about the teams when you arrived, but were quickly stunned into silence when they saw Loki.

“Brother! Good to see you’ve decided to join,” Thor greeted, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. “Shall we begin then?”

First up was Cranium, and you could tell that everyone else was divided into their usual teams: Tony and Bruce, Clint and Nat, Thor and Steve. You rubbed your hands in excitement, ready for some friendly competition.

“Yes!” you shouted a while later, after you and Loki answered the final question right. “We win!”

Everyone else’s jaw hung open, shocked by how serious of a competitor you were. Not to say you were mean-spirited or gloated or anything, but it was obvious you took game night very seriously. Loki was a little surprised too, but he relished in the infectious energy of your feisty spirit. Not to mention he absolutely loved to be on the winning team.

“Congratulations, guys,” Steve said. “Don’t expect to get as lucky in the next game, though.”

The next game, apparently, was charades, which you and Loki absolutely dominated again. The two of you worked as a well-oiled machine, guessing the simple ones like sewing and the more obscure ones like whale watching with ease. Loki was also surprisingly knowledgeable about Midgardian movies and literature. The two of you high fived, having just edged out the competition.

“Wow, good job guys,” Nat congratulated. “Tony and Bruce usually win that one.”

“Way to rub it in,” Tony groaned, flopping back on the couch.

You could tell a part of him wanted to accuse Loki of cheating but, having no real evidence and not wanting to start a fight, restrained himself. Instead, he contented himself with just mumbling how much of an outrage it was. You, however, were on cloud nine.

As the next game was set up, Loki pulled you onto his lap, instilled with confidence after his latest wins. Of course, if anyone were to ask, he would just say he was saving room on the couch. It would have, though, been a lie.

“Ready for a clean sweep, my little mortal?” he whispered, his breath surprising cold on your ear.

“Bring it on!” you whispered back with a wink.

The last game of the night was Pictionary, and by now everyone knew you and Loki were the team to beat. Unfortunately for them, you got this win, too. The Avengers let out a collective sigh as you shouted a victorious whoop and hugged Loki.

“Good game everyone,” you said, starting to help clean up.

“What are you doing, my little mortal?” Loki questioned, half joking. “Do you not know the losers have to clean up?”

“Not sure that’s actually a rule, Rock of Ages,” Tony grumbled.

“Fine, I’ll help,” he replied, placing a singular piece back in the box. “There. Now it is time for our victory lap.”

Then he scooped you up bridal style using his superhuman strength and began running you around the Tower in his arms, both laughing the whole time. He finally brought you to a stop on the balcony of his room.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that right?” you said, still chuckling.

“Perhaps. But we deserved that after an excellent showing.”

“I guess so. As much as it pains me to admit it, we should probably go easy on them next time. We’ll just win one a night, ok?”

“That’s my little mortal,” he happily sighed, wrapping his arms around you. “Always looking out for others. Always looking out for me. Thank you for inviting me along tonight.”

“No problem. It was a lot of fun. We make a pretty good team.”

“Indeed.”

A comfortable silence settled between you, and you rested against Loki, whose arms were still wrapped around you. He felt more relaxed and happy than he had in a while. He knew he’d ask you out someday, but right now he was still too shy, this friendship still too new. One day he would, though, and he couldn’t wait to get there and to every day after.

[aminiatureworld]

Distance II

Characters: Ningguang, Zhongli, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,605

Warnings: None

Premise: What other explanation could there be? Surely this is the one logical answer. Even if it hurts, even if it doesn’t make sense.

In which the reader’s s/o assumes the reader is no longer interested.

Author’s Note: Though Ningguang is hands down one of my favorite characters I find her surprisingly difficult to write. She just seems so much more in control than I am. Perhaps though that makes writing her in conflict all the more rewarding.

Ningguang

Sometimes Ningguang wondered if she wasn’t accidentally proving her detractors right by not caring.

Being the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing it’d be nearly impossible for her not to hear the rumors that circulated about her, the not-so-quiet whisperings of people who found her too cold, too callous, too closed off to have any genuine feelings. Nor were such incidents limited to the murmurings of coworkers or the blunt admissions of Keqing. Ningguang had long ago lost track of the times she’d passed someone on the street, only to find someone proclaiming how unfit she was to represent Liyue, she who had no genuine feelings.

Of course, Ningguang couldn’t truly complain. Even if people saw her as aloof and shallow, she was still given the respect due to her position. Nor could the privilege and power of being the Tianquan be overstated. Really, being isolated in such a way was just the price she had to pay for her success. What did it really matter what the general population thought of her personally as long as they respected her competency? Besides, she didn’t have time for close interpersonal relationships.

Perhaps it was this thinking that had ruled her for so long that made you so special in her eyes. Though you would later admit that you had worried your feelings had been one-sided, Ningguang had been just as captivated with you as you of her. Incredibly competent at your job, as devoted to Liyue as Ningguang was, and deeply empathetic on top of it, how could Ningguang not grow somewhat infatuated with you? She had never expected the same emotion on your side, just as you had never expected such a thing of her; not because you saw Ningguang as made of ice or stone, it was merely the natural nervousness that always came with love. Perhaps that was the part of your confession that Ningguang appreciated the most. To you she was just as normal as anyone else, with a heart made out of the same flesh as all the other residents of Liyue.

Yet being in a relationship had proved a much greater challenge than Ningguang expected, and in the place one was least likely to think about. Her love for you was never in question, the devotion you two shared towards one another was something spelled out plainly in front of her eyes. Nor did she worry about providing for you, or you for her. Being both high ranking members of the Liyue Qixing, the two of you were incredibly lucky, and finances and worries about saving was never something that Ningguang had to lose sleep over. No, it was none of those normal things that Ningguang had to worry about, instead it was herself.

She had expected that all the whisperings about her emotional capabilities would have left once the word of you two being partners got around. Instead the whispers seemed all the greater, swirling around her at every turn. Though logically that could not be the case, Ningguang found that logic ultimately played a very little role in the matter of love and affection. Even when she wasn’t haunted by the whispers of others she found herself more and more facing her own words. How could someone so closed off and reserved be a good partner, her mind seemed to whisper, how could she possibly give you the affection and warmth you deserved? Ningguang never told you these thoughts of course, her anxiety seizing her whenever the idea so much as passed through her head. Still those thoughts lingered.

And then work got busier; well, busier for her at least. For you things seemed to remain about the same, and though Ningguang was somewhat grateful for that – knowing that overworking oneself was a bit of a theme for members of the Liyue Qixing – she still found herself uncomfortable at the new schedule. Now instead of the two of your finishing up at around the same time, it seemed like you always had to hold back and wait for her. It was embarrassing, really; more than that it felt unfair to you.

“Should I reschedule the dinner reservations tonight?” Your question hung over the desk that separated the two of you, paper piled up like a wall between you and her.

“I’m afraid so, I’m sorry darling.” Ningguang offered an awkward smile.

“Don’t be sorry! It’s not your fault that you have so much work. I’ll go down and tell the waitress during lunch break, we should be able to get a refund, and maybe a reschedule. After all, we haven’t been out together in so long.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you leaned over the desk, too blocked by the papers to give her the traditional comfort kiss on her cheek, “you have a very important job, and no one could fault you for it.”

Despite your words Ningguang couldn’t help but feel somewhat chastised. Bowing her head she whispered a soft “thank you”, wondering how much you were hiding your true feelings. Keeping her head mostly down at her work for the rest of the morning the Tianquan was startled by the realization she hadn’t noticed you leaving for lunch.

“Unfortunately I was unable to get a refund,” your apologetic voice floated through the air as you reentered the office, “so I was wondering whether or not I could bring a friend out to dinner tonight? Of course I would pay for the whole thing myself, and we could still reschedule. Although maybe next time let’s pick a restaurant without an all-or-nothing view on payment.”

“A good idea about the payments,” Ningguang smiled awkwardly, ill at ease despite your slight laughter, “and of course you may invite a friend out for dinner. I know that we’ll find another time.”

“You’re an absolute darling you know!” You walked around the desk giving Ningguang a fleeting kiss on her cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“How could I not be when I’m the reason we can’t go out this evening?”

“Well, I don’t know. Some people aren’t so nice about those things you know.”

“I hope to never be involved with those people.”

“You’re right about that!” You laughed, bringing a small smile to Ningguang’s face. Still, a part of her felt leaden, her embarrassment and guilt weighing her down like a rock.

Afterwards it seemed that a bit of a routine had been found in your life. After your work was done and your errands finished you laughed awkwardly, gave Ningguang a short kiss, and went out to spend time with your friends. Not that Ningguang begrudged you the time you spent with others, she wasn’t about to ask you to spend all your time with her, especially when most of it would be spent staring at her reading. Still it was hard not to see these continual outings as further proof of how little affection Ningguang was giving you, how much she was failing at providing you all the love and emotional support you needed.

Walking down the streets to your house Ningguang took in the sight of Liyue in the evening. It was her favorite time of day; the lanterns turned the normally drab grey stones into burnisheds amber, basking the buildings with a soft orange glow that gave the illusion of perfect domesticity. It was easy to forget the troubles of Liyue in the evening, easy to be wrapped up in the landscape in front of the Tianquan, easy to ignore her troubles. Passing by the docks Ningguang breathed in the scent of a trading city at work. Smells, sights, and conversations mixed together in a familiar dance, lively despite the lateness of the hour.

“Did you see the Tianquan’s partner was out again this evening?”

Ningguang found herself standing perfectly still, unsure if the words that she had just heard weren’t a figment of her exhausted imagination. Turning towards the stalls she was careful to keep her pace as even as possible, hoping that her presence would go largely unnoticed.

“Oh yes, I saw them walking along the shipyard with a few people. You could tell it wasn’t on business.”

“I feel bad for them,” the first voice piped up again, voice heavy with authority, “to have a block of ice as a partner, it must be very difficult.”

“You’re right, the poor dear. Honestly I don’t know why they decided to become partners with such a person as Lady Ningguang, I heard that she was the one confessed to even. Why anyone would actively cultivate such a relationship, I don’t understand it.”

“Neither do I. They must be very used to living without affection.”

“You’re probably right, it always ends up that way with those types of relationships.”

Although the conversation showed no signs of ending Ningguang found herself turning around and leaving. The words had felt like a slap in the face, and she felt almost feverish in her wish for the conversation to have never happened.

Once she arrived at your home Ningguang rushed to the bedroom, collapsing onto the soft sheets. You, she realized that she wanted you; wanted to tell you what had just happened, wanted you to assure her it was all false, wanted all this insecurity to go away. And yet, how could she be sure that you weren’t thinking a similar thing as those people Ningguang had overheard? How could she be sure you hadn’t come to the conclusion that she was indeed without feeling. There was only one way to figure it out really, no matter how painful.

“I’m home!” Your voice was bright and cheerful, a stark contrast to Ningguang’s current emotional state.

“Welcome home dear.”

“Oh I’m exhausted, I think I’m taking a bath and going right to bed tonight! You should probably sleep too, you’ve really been overworking yourself!” You chastised, giving Ningguang an impatient sort of smile as you put away your things. Taking a deep breath Ningguang prepared herself.

“Before you do that, there is something I’d like to ask you.”

“Ask away! Unless you’re asking for me to cook, I think I’m too tired for that.”

“It’s not about cooking. It’s, well, it’s whether this relationship is fulfilling or not to you.”

“What?” The happiness leeched from your voice as you stared at Ningguang.

“I heard some people talking today, saying that I wasn’t a worthy partner, that I was too emotionally detached. I know that you have never expressed such an opinion, but I cannot help but wonder if I’m truly giving you what people want in a relationship. You said yourself that we hardly spend time together anymore, and I know how much you value quality time. As such, I feel that I have to lay out all your options. If you feel that this relationship is no longer viable, then I understand.”

“Ningguang what in Teyvat are you talking about?” You burst out. Swiftly closing the distance between you two, you intertwined your fingers with Ningguang’s. “You don’t really think that I would share the opinion of some people who know nothing about you and us do you?”

“It’s not just them!” Ningguang pointed out. “I’ve heard the same things from colleagues. Besides this wasn’t brought on all of a sudden. For a while now I’ve been wondering if I truly have the capacity to make you happy.”

“Well let me clear that up immediately, the answer is yes.”

You stared into Ningguang’s eyes, expression one of stubborn surety. There was no sense of doubt in your posture or your voice. For the first time in a while Ningguang found herself somewhat calm.

“Let me tell you something Ningguang, relationships aren’t the same for everyone, nor is love. Some people need huge declarations of love, need to always be attached to their partner, need a constant supply of affection. And some need only small gestures, shorter periods of time, a softer form of support. Neither of these are inherently better than the other. Just because we don’t go out to eat every night, just because you place care and effort into your work and choose to spend your time on it, that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you any less, or that your love doesn’t reach me. I’m proud of your work, I’m proud to call my partner the Tianquan; and if other people cannot understand or accept that, then frankly I don’t care.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!” You let out a laugh, throwing your arms around your partner. “My mind is very made up on this. Besides, you’re much more affectionate than you let on.”

It was as if she’d been suddenly freed from a cage, so immediate was the relief that washed over Ningguang. Returning the embrace she sighed softly, overwhelmed by the love and confidence in your words.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Don’t thank me for anything, you would do the exact same for me.”

“Perhaps you’re right, but thank you nevertheless. Thank you.”

“Well then you’re welcome; though I would do anything for the woman I love.”

“I love you too.”

There was nothing more to say.

 Zhongli

“I hope that it ends soon.”

Those words had sent Zhongli spiraling, reeling as the ground crumbled beneath him and he plunged into some dark unknown. How had he gotten here, it didn’t seem to make sense.

He hadn’t wanted to step upon your freedom, to limit you in any way. Though Zhongli wasn’t perhaps the greatest expert on human feelings, he knew that in one way they differed greatly from archons and adepti. Humans always vied for freedom. The freedom to choose, the freedom to do, the freedom to go or stay. While the gods always found any sort of profound change incredibly difficult, an erosion on their power and their influence, humans craved the ways that time waxed and waned, the world with it.

As such he didn’t attempt to put any sort of confinement on your relationship. Being the first human Zhongli had had any meaningful emotional contact with, he was absolutely determined that your relationship should be framed around your needs, which were certainly more demanding as a human being than Zhongli’s could ever be. Not that he ever found himself lacking, indeed it seemed sometimes to the ex-archon as if you were more aware of what his wishes were than he was of yours. When he needed assurance you were there, when something required some sort of explanation or reiteration you were glad to provide it. No matter the time or the place or the setting you were liberal with your love. Zhongli could only hope he provided the same for you.

Perhaps that was why your words surprised him so much. Zhongli knew that your friend was coming over for tea, and had made an effort to leave the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor earlier than usual, much to the annoyance of his pseudo-employer. Though he expect you to be earlier than him, he certainly hadn’t expected your sudden volte-face, the sudden revelation that all was not well.

Not that he could ask about your statement while your friend was visiting, the ex-archon knew that you hated a scene as much as he did, and he doubted he’d be able to get an honest answer out of you with an audience watching. So as he entered, making sure to make as much noise as possible to alert you of his arrival, he tried to bury the sentence in the back of his mind, hoping that it would stay put as long as possible.

Thankfully for Zhongli it is much easier to be patient when one is an immortal former deity. Though time certainly seemed slower than usual, the conversation you and your friend had more difficult to follow than usual, it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. Letting you and your friend chat about anything from work to pets to weather, only interrupting when asked about the tea, Zhongli spent the afternoon turning over your words in his head, and wondering what he was going to say.

Finally the sun dipped behind the buildings, and as the long shadows of evening began to cast themselves down your friend left. Keeping himself as formal as possible during the entire encounter Zhongli let out a soft sigh when the door closed behind them. Even if what was to come was not something he was particularly looking forward to, Zhongli had long ago learned that immediate pain is better than drawn out suffering.

“You were awfully quiet this afternoon.” You pointed out, going to clear up the plates.

“I, I had not noticed. I am sorry.”

“It’s fine, I know that they’re a bit of a talker anyways. Still I was hoping you might say more, my friends already ask me about your reticence, and I don’t want to feed their imaginations.”

“My apologies, I will try to do better.”

“Don’t sweat it really, I’m just rambling.” You smiled as Zhongli began to put away the tea set. “I always love watching you clean the china, it’s so peaceful to watch.”

“I am glad you enjoy it so much,” Zhongli replied, careful to keep his hands from trembling. The conversation loomed ahead of him, dark and unfamiliar, and he didn’t want to break anything in the process. “I, uh, I noticed that you were discussing something when I walked in.”

“I’m sorry we started before you, I didn’t know how long Hu Tao would hold you up. She’s surprisingly persuasive, at least when she’s not selling coffins.” You let out a giggle.

“In light of your conversation, I would like to offer you something.”

“Yes?” You furrowed your brow, evidently puzzled.

“I would like to offer you an end to our relationship.”

“Excuse me?” Your mouth dropped open as you jolted up suddenly in your chair. “What, why? I… what?”

“I do not wish to cause you any pain by forcing you to draw this out. If you wish for things to end quickly, then you ought not to worry about stalling. I promise that I will not contain you.”

“Zhongli, I don’t understand what you’re saying?” Your voice sounded very raw. “Are you saying, are you saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”

“No.” Zhongli replied slowly, feeling as if the situation had altogether managed to reverse itself. “I am only saying that if I am tying you down, that if I am no longer making you happy, then you do not have to continue this relationship.”

“Zhongli, I don’t understand why you would ever think that I would want that.”

“But you said ‘I hope that it ends soon’.”

For a moment you stared at your partner, but then something seemed to overtake you and you began to laugh, an awkward sound stranded between relief and humor.

“A commission I was talking about a commission! There’s this tradesman who is trying to set up some sort of security measures with the Guild while he’s stopped in Liyue, and it’s taking up most of my time. It’s why I haven’t visited you at the Funeral Parlor recently as well. Believe me Zhongli, I would never want to break up with you, the idea of doing so makes me miserable.”

“Ah, I see.”

Zhongli wasn’t sure whether he should feel overwhelming relief or embarrassment. That question was put off however as you walked over to where he was sitting and threw your arms around him. Returning the embrace Zhongli pressed soft kisses all over your face. Relief washed over him, and he felt almost dizzy with relief. Though he had tried to tell himself that he wouldn’t let his own emotions rob you of your agency, now that the moment had passed the ex-archon could admit how truly shaken he was, and how much the idea of his days spend utterly devoid of your presence seemed unbearably lonely.

“I still don’t know how you ever jumped to such a conclusion.” You mumbled, leaning over to press a soft kiss on Zhongli’s lips.

The rest of the evening had been spent in a revery of frantic relief, both of you unwilling to stray very far from each other’s arms. Now the two of you lay tangled in bed together, overlapping limbs a solid reminder that all was well with the world.

“I do not want to rob you of your agency,” Zhongli replied, “I fear that I will tie you down. I know that the gods are old and staid, and unlikely to change. I know as well that humans often find such atmospheres stifling, and I fear that one day such a thing will come to pass.”

“Just because humans change their minds easily or want to travel or grow or whatever doesn’t mean that they don’t need an anchor,” you pointed out, voice heavy with fatigue, “we all need somewhere to go back to, we all need a home. You’re my home Zhongli, I never want to leave you.”

“You are my home as well. And I wish not to leave you either.”

“I’m glad the matter is settled then.” You smiled softly, before finally closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep.

“As am I.”

Zhongli lay awake a while, listening to the soft cadence of your breath. You had said it was humans that needed an anchor, but perhaps immortal beings did too. After all, you were the thing that kept Zhongli tethered to the world and the humans around him, and he loved you all the more for it.