#that is the end of my in universe criticism

[yzzyhee]

HEARTBREAK GIRL - sjy

PAIRING: bff!sim jaeyun x yn

WARNING: pet name (angel, baby) lmk if i missed anything, slight angst..? a lot of feelings involved, kinda mean heeseung??

WC: ~5k more or less

SYNOPSIS: jake has always been there for you through thick and thin — he was always there to take away your hurt, as he was your cure, but when were you going to realise?

PLAYLIST: 5sos - heartbreak girl

A.N: hi everyone i just wanted to say quickly that it’s my first written fic, i have no idea what im doing tbf but i just really really liked the idea for a while and decided to give it a shot .. i truly accept any constructive criticism you might have idm this will probably be the first and last time i post something but ! do let me know what you guys think, it would mean a lot !!

ps. this one is dedicated to my wife @ja3yun seriously couldn’t have done it without ur advices so seriously tysm bb!!

I. “YOU CALL ME UP // IT’S LIKE A BROKEN RECORD // SAYING THAT YOUR HEART HURTS”

Jake sighs as his phone buzzes. Picking it up he sees your caller ID and for a split of a second he doesn’t want to pick up the call. As he glances at the phone he lets himself wonder what a different life would be like; if somehow in another life he could stop caring and ignore you.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath — that could never be a possibility. He’s sure that if that another life actually exists, the universe would somehow bring him together with you and all of this would eventually happen.

“Y/N?” he answers, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Jake…” you manag to say even though your friend can barely hear your voice. “He broke up with me.” you said as a sob escaped from you.

Jake feels like his own heart is shattering. Not for your and Heeseung’s relationship that was over for now but mostly for himself. He’d seen you go through this too many times, always falling for the wrong boys and always ending up heartbroken.

“It just hurts so bad, Jake..” you cry, your voice breaking.

As you continued crying and uttering words that made Jake’s heart drop at how you seem to hate yourself now, he feels like he could punch Heeseung if he were to see him now. Even though he has been there for you through many of your previous heartbreaks and also fights with Heeseung he never heard you cry so bad.

“Hey, Y/N.. Listen to me. Take deep breaths, stop crying, angel, please.” Jake says softly and it makes you stop crying over the phone for a bit.

“You’re more than just a pretty face, okay? Don’t listen to him. You’re smart, you’re kind and you’re wicked funny.. And I guarantee there’s a guy out there who will see what I see, okay?”

You take a sharp breath and nodd but quickly mutter a “Yes” as you realize he can’t see you through the phone.

“I just.. Why does this keep happening, Jake? Why are all the guys I end up with always such assholes?”

“It’s not you, angel. You’re really amazing, you know? Sometimes people like him… just don’t realize what they have right in front of them until it’s too late. He will definitely come crawling back to you in no time.” Jake says in a playful tone but his words held some truth — even through your fights Heeseung always came back.

You chuckle and it makes Jake smile. He hates seeing or hearing you cry, especially when it’s about your relationships and how you always deem yourself unworthy of love from anyone when it’s your boyfriends who just can’t appreciate you.

“Thank you, Jake. Thank you for being a friend. It’s so late right now..I’m sorry for bothering you.”

Jake chuckles as well. “You never bother me, angel.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow at 10.”

Then the phone call abruptly comes to an end and Jake sighs for the second time that night. He knows you won’t call, especially if Heeseung puts his ego aside and comes back to you tonight.

He takes the pillow from under his head and places it on top, muffling a scream as his own mind and especially you liked to play him in circles again and again.

II. HE TREATS YOU SO BAD AND I’M SO GOOD TO YOU, IT’S NOT FAIR

“Okay, enough.” Jake says as he looks away from you and Heeseung’s display of affection. “I’m seriously happy you got back together but I am still third-wheeling here…” he lies gritting his teeth.

To you it looks like he is actually happy for you and just annoyed by your public display of love with Heeseung but in reality? No, in reality he simply can’t stand seeing you act so in love with the boy when just three days ago he insulted you, called you mean words and broke it off. Just for him to come back to you, act all sad, say sorry and you forgive him just like that.

You push Heeseung slightly off you and lean closer to Jake to take his hand in yours, giving it a small squeeze. “I’m sorry, Heeseung just really wanted to come to the drive-in movie and I couldn’t say no..”

Heeseung drags you back into him and puts a hand over your shoulder while the other is sneaking between your thighs. You giggle and slap his hand away while muttering that “Jake is right here”. Jake quickly adverts his eyes, finding the movie on the playing suddenly interesting.

“Oh, it’s getting rather chilly…” you say after a few minutes and look longingly at your boyfriend, hoping for him to get the message and give you his jacket.

“I told you to bring a jacket, dummy.” Heeseung says, rolling his eyes but making no move of giving his jacket to his girlfriend. “How about you go get us some drinks, baby? Maybe if you move a bit you can get warm.”

Jake shakes his head at his words and scoffs. He takes off his jacket and puts it on your shoulders. “Here, Y/N.”

You smile gratefully at Jake, your eyes softening. “ Thank you, Jake. You’re the best.”

“Anytime,” Jake replies, his voice gentle. He glances at Heeseung, his expression hardening. “You should take better care of her, man.”

Heeseung shrugged, not even bothering to spare Jake a look. “She’s fine. She can handle herself.”

Jake clenches his jaw, resisting the urge to say something more. He hates how Heeseung keeps treating you, how he takes you for granted and never caring. He treats you so bad and he’s so good to you — it just wasn’t fair.

During the movie that Jake paid no attention to , he couldn’t help but compare himself to Heeseung. What does Heeseung have that he doesn’t? Is it the hair, the stupid leather jacket he always wears, the bambi eyes, the way he carries himself with such confidence or the way he seems to effortlessly attract attention wherever he goes?

Or maybe you just happen to like the way Heeseung makes you feel after all. The excitement of the chase, the push and pull, the high and low that came with every fight and every word in it, making it hurt but also giving you a rush feeling.

But he knows you. In the long run you don’t actually want all of that. As he steals a glance at the two of you, he feels like he could scream out right now that you could be with him now. He could offer you love, stability. He decides to push off that idea out of his mind as fast as it came. You are happy with Heeseung for now and that’s all that matters.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, a gentle touch that brings him back to the present. He looks up to see you, seeing your soft smile but when he looks into your eyes he sees sadness lingering behind them.

“Hey, we’re going to head out… Heeseung needs to meet up with some friends.” you say quietly to Jake, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake frowns, feeling frustrated. “You can stay, can’t you? You love this movie!” he exclaims, his voice louder than he intends, hoping that Heeseung can hear the disappointment in his voice.

You purse your lips and shake your head. With a low voice you mutter an apology and start to take his jacket off to return it to him but he stops you.

“Keep it.” Jake tells you offering a smile that doesn’t quite reaches his eyes.

You nod, getting up quickly and follow Heeseung to leave the drive-in movie location. You take one look back to wave goodbye at Jake, seeing him standing there, his eyes locked on you.

Jake watches you leave, the weight of unspoken words heavy on his heart. He waves back, his smile fading as soon as you turn away.

He closes his eyes and looks up at the sky, the cool night air brushing against his skin. The stars twinkle above, indifferent to his inner turmoil. He takes a deep breath, the chilly air filling his lungs, and lets it out slowly, his breath visible in the night air.

In the silence of the drive-in, the sound of distant car engines and the murmur of people leaving fill the background, but Jake is lost in his thoughts. He thinks about all the moments he’s shared with you, the laughter, the tears, and the quiet times where just being near you was enough. He thinks about the way Heeseung treats you, and it makes his chest tighten with frustration and longing.

Jake opens his eyes, the stars still sparkling above, offering no answers, no solace. He knows he can’t keep this to himself much longer. The longer he waits, the more he sees you getting hurt, the more it eats away at him. But he can’t do it. He knows you need to know that someone out there loves you deeply but what if it his feelings would ruin everything for good? For now, all he can do is be there for you, as he always has been. He turns away from the screen, walking slowly to his car. As he gets in and starts the engine, he glances back at the empty space where you had been sitting, the memory of your sad smile etched in his mind.

III. SOMETIMES I’M SO CLOSE TO CONFESSION

Jake sits in his room, the soft glow of his desk lamp casting long shadows across the walls. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words. For weeks now, he’s been wrestling with the idea of confessing his feelings to you, his best friend and the person he cares about most in the world. But every time he tries to gather the courage to tell you how he feels, his fears and insecurities hold him back, trapping him in a cycle of doubt and self-pity.

“Hey, Jake, are you listening?” your voice takes him out of his thoughts. You get up from the bed and go sit on the desk chair next to him.

“No, sorry.” Jake smile sheepishly. “You were saying?” he attempts to play it off.

You roll your eyes. “I was talking about this new book coming up…” you trail off, talking about the upcoming release of your favourite author.

Jake can’t help but let himself watch you. He thinks about the way you smile, the way your soft giggle fills the room and makes his heart skip a beat and the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about just like now.

And as he listens to you talk, he can’t help but feel a sense of longing wash over him, a longing to tell you how he feels, to lay his heart bare and risk it all for the chance at something more.

“Y/N I-“ Jake suddenly interrupts you but his bravery doesn’t last long.

As the moment passes, the words stick in his throat, suffocating him with their weight. He wants to tell you, he really does, but the fear of rejection holds him back, paralyzing him with its grip.

“Yes? Did you want to say something?” you ask him and look up to him just to see him shake his head and motioning for you to continue talking about the book.

And so he sits there, silent and still, watching you with a mixture of adoration and regret, wishing he could find the courage to take the leap and tell you how he feels.

As you continue to talk, oblivious to the turmoil raging within him, Jake can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to hold you in his arms, to kiss you under the stars, to whisper words of love into your ear. But for now, all he can do is watch and wait, hoping that one day, he’ll find the strength to confess his feelings and take a chance on love.

“You will come with me, right?” you say to him suddenly. “To the book release? Heeseung doesn’t want to come, he thinks it’s silly..”

Jake's heart skips a beat at your words, his mind racing with a mixture of excitement and nervousness but also anger towards Heeseung — how could he think your passion, your hobby is something silly and telling you that to your face nonetheless? Jake keeps those thoughts of your boyfriend to himself. However the thought of spending time alone with you again, of being by your side as you indulge in something you love and hanging out just like old times, fills him with a sense of warmth and anticipation.

“Of course, Y/N,” he says, his voice soft.“I’d love to come with you.”

A smile spreads across your face, and Jake feels his heart swell with happiness at the sight. For a moment, everything else fades away, leaving just the two of you, lost in the moment together.

And as you talk excitedly about the upcoming event, Jake can't help but feel a sense of hope stir within him. Maybe this is his chance, his opportunity to finally confess his feelings and take a chance on love. And as he looks into your eyes, he knows that no matter what happens, he'll always be there for you, ready to support you and cherish every moment you share together.

IV. I’M RIGHT HERE, WHEN YOU GONNA REALISE // THAT I’M YOUR CURE?

“Heeseung, what’s gotten into you?” you ask, frustration clear in your tone as you watch him pace around your living room.

Heeseung stops and scoffs. “Are you serious?”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. Ever since he tagged along to the the drive-in movie hang out between you and Jake and then found out you went with Jake to your book release event he started to act out. He rejects your ideas to go out on a date, he rejects initiating any kind of intimacy to you — even refusing to hold your hand, something he’s never done in your 6 months relationship.

You can’t help but feel confused and hurt by his sudden change in behaviour. He used to be so affectionate even if you had a fight and was always eager to show you off on dates and such but now he seems like a completely different person.

“Seriously, Heeseung. Talk to me, what’s going on?” you press, your voice tinged with worry.

Heeseung looks at you and steps closer. “You’re in love, baby.” he says while putting a strand of your hair behind your ear, smiling softly. “But not with me.”

“What?” you say, your mind racing as you try to process what he just said.

“I think you should give Jake a call.” Heeseung continues, his expression earnest though you can’t help but feel puzzled by his sudden insight. Heeseung chuckles. “C’mon, baby. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? How your eyes always light up when he’s around or how you always talk about him when he’s not and bring him up whenever there’s an opportunity? Or how you always compare what I do with what he does?”

You part your lips slightly, caught off guard by his observations. His words hit you like a bolt of lightning, sparking a flurry of emotions within you.

“But… I…” you stammer, struggling to find the words to express the tumultuous thoughts swirling in your mind.

Heeseung reaches out, gently cupping your face in his hands. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says softly. “I understand. Hell, I’d fall in love with the guy too if he were to always drop everything and be at my beck and call. How did you not realise everything sooner? I swear, he has been so obvious the past weeks.” he chuckles. “Actually, did you know he had a presentation on the day you went with him to the book release? He talked with his professor to present it earlier so he could come with you.”

Heeseung’s words hit you like a sudden gust of winter wind, cutting through the air with their sharpness and leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. His observations about Jake’s actions leave you reeling, the realization sinking in like a heavy weight on your chest.

“I… I didn’t know,” you whisper, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggle to process the information. “I didn’t realize he was going out of his way for me…”

Heeseung’s hands drop from your face, his expression softening with understanding. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says gently, his voice a comforting presence in the midst of the storm raging inside you. “Sometimes, it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re too close to them.”

You nod slowly, feeling a sense of guilt wash over you at the thought of all the times you may have overlooked Jake’s gestures of affection. How could you have been so blind to his feelings, so oblivious to the depth of his love for you?

Heeseung leans in closer and kisses your forehead. It’s a tender, lingering kiss, filled with a mixture of sadness and acceptance. He pulls back, looking into your eyes one last time with a strained smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. The weight of the moment hangs heavy between you, and you can feel the finality in his actions. He turns and walks towards the door.

You watch him leave, your heart aching as he steps out of your apartment. The door closes behind him with a soft click, and you stand there, feeling a profound sense of loss. Part of you wants to run after him, to call him back and somehow make everything right. But you know that some things can’t be fixed with a few words.

You move to the window and peer out, hoping to catch a glimpse of Heeseung, hoping he would turn back and give you one last look. But the street below is empty, and the cold night air feels like a reflection of the unresting feeling inside you.

For the first time after a break-up, you don’t call Jake. You take the night to yourself, the silence of your apartment enveloping you like a cold winter's night. Your mind is a whirlwind of confusion and heartache, the echoes of Heeseung's words lingering like a biting chill.

As you sit alone, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, your thoughts turn to Jake. The realisation that he might have deeper feelings for you sends a shiver down your spine. You’ve always seen him as your rock, your dependable best friend, but now, faced with the possibility that his feelings might run deeper, you feel an icy grip of uncertainty and fear tighten around your heart.

You think about all the moments you’ve shared with Jake, the late-night conversations, the inside jokes, the way he’s always been there for you. How could you have been so blind to his feelings? The thought of potentially hurting him, of disrupting the comfortable dynamic you’ve always shared, fills you with a sense of dread. It’s like stepping out into the harsh winter wind, unsure if you’ll be able to find your way back to the warmth and safety you’ve known.

You wrap the blanket tighter around yourself, seeking comfort in its embrace, but your mind continues to spiral. What if you don’t feel the same way? What if your feelings for Jake are merely a reflection of your gratitude and dependence on his unwavering support? The thought of leading him on, of giving him false hope, sends a pang of guilt through you. The guilt eats at you for not noticing sooner, for being so wrapped up in your own relationships and dramas that you missed the quiet, steady love that Jake might have been offering all along. It’s a chilling thought, realizing how much you might have overlooked in your pursuit of fleeting romances with others.

Your heart and mind feel like a frozen landscape, barren and cold, with no clear path forward. You can’t deny the flutter of something more when you think of Jake, but it’s buried under layers of confusion and fear. You’ve been through so much heartache, and the idea of risking your most cherished friendship for a chance at something more feels like walking on thin ice, fragile and treacherous.

The night wears on, and the cold, empty silence of your apartment presses down on you. You long for the warmth of Jake’s presence, his soothing voice and reassuring words, but you know you can’t run to him this time. You need to sort through your feelings, to understand what’s real and what’s born out of loneliness and a desire for comfort.

As the hours pass, you come to a bittersweet realization. You need to protect Jake from potential heartbreak, to shield him from the uncertainty that’s freezing your heart. You care for him too much to risk his happiness on your unresolved feelings. And so, for the first time, you decide to face this winter storm on your own, hoping that in the process, you’ll find clarity and the strength to either embrace or gently let go of what could be.

Tomorrow, you’ll see him, and maybe the warmth of his smile will melt some of the ice around your heart. But tonight, you wrap yourself tighter in your blanket and let the winter winds of your emotions rage on, knowing that some answers can only be found in the stillness of the cold.

You don’t see him tomorrow. Instead, you chose to run from him, from his feelings and your own. The weight of your confusion and fear makes you retreat further into yourself, wrapping the cold, comforting solitude around you like a protective cloak. You bury yourself in college work, books and anything that can keep your mind occupied. Yet, in the quiet moments — those still, silent spaces between the busyness — your thoughts inevitably drift back to Jake.

The look in Jake’s eyes when he’s with you haunts you. It’s a look filled with warmth and unspoken words. A look that now seems so painfully clear in hindsight. It’s as if he’s always been there, offering you a love as constant and reassuring as the summer sun, yet you were too caught up in the fleeting, cold winter winds of other relationships to notice.

Jake’s feelings for you feel like a warm summer day. They’re gentle and persistent, bringing light and comfort into your life without demanding anything in return. His love is the kind that warms you from the inside out, melting away the icy barriers you’ve built around your heart. But now, the fear of stepping into that warmth, of risking the friendship you hold so dear, keeps you trapped in a winter of your own making.

Meanwhile, Jake is left adrift, confused and hurt by your sudden withdrawal. He tries to seek you out, to understand why you’re avoiding him, but every attempt is met with distance. He feels like he’s chasing shadows, reaching out for something that slips further away with each passing day. He even tried to talk with Heeseung, hoping that the man knows something of why you’re acting this way towards him but much like you, Heeseung avoided him.

As the days turn into a week, the winter storm within you begins to show signs of weakening. The relentless busyness that you’ve thrown yourself into can’t keep the feelings at bay forever. In those quiet moments, when you’re alone with your thoughts, you start to feel the warmth of Jake’s love seeping through the cracks in your icy defenses.

You remember the way he looked at you, the gentle, unspoken promises in his eyes. The realization that you’ve been running from something so genuine, so pure, starts to thaw the fear and confusion that have held you captive. The warmth of Jake’s love begins to melt the ice around your heart, and you start to see things more clearly.

You know you can’t avoid him forever. The thought of hurting Jake, of causing him pain with your indecision, is unbearable. You decide that it’s time to face your feelings, to confront the truth that you’ve been so afraid of. You owe it to Jake, and to yourself, to be honest about what’s in your heart.

With a deep breath, you pick up your phone and send him a message, asking to meet. The anticipation of seeing him again fills you with a mix of dread and hope. You know the conversation ahead will be difficult, but it’s the only way to move forward.

As you wait for his response, you feel a sense of clarity. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but you’re ready to step into the light, to embrace the summer warmth that Jake’s love promises. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that the path you’re most afraid of is the one that leads you to the happiness you’ve been searching for.

“Ofcourse. When and where?”

His response is immediate, no hesitation, no hint of the confusion and hurt you know he must be feeling. The simplicity of his words, the readiness to meet despite everything, brings a small, bittersweet smile to your face. You suggest a quiet café near campus, a place you both know well, and set a time for the next afternoon.

The next day, as you make your way to the café, your mind is a whirlwind of emotions. The warmth of the spring sun on your face feels like a promise, a gentle reassurance that everything might just be okay. You take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, and step inside.

Jake is already there, sitting at a corner table. The sight of him sends a rush of emotions through you — relief, nervousness and a profound sense of familiarity. He looks up as you approach, and his puppy like smile is like a beacon of warmth cutting through your lingering uncertainty.

“Hey,” he says softly, standing up to greet you.

“Hey,” you reply, your voice a little shaky. You both sit down, and for a moment, there’s an awkward silence. Jake’s eyes search your face, and you can see the questions and concern in them.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” you start, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just needed some time to think.”

Jake nods, his expression understanding but guarded. “I’ve been worried about you,” he admits. “I didn’t know what was going on, and I… I missed you.”

His words hit you like a gentle breeze, warm and reassuring, but also filled with a depth of emotion that makes your heart ache. “I missed you too,” you confess. “I needed to figure out some things… about us, about my feelings.”

Jake’s eyes widen slightly, a flicker of hope and fear crossing his face. “Us?Your feelings?” he echoes, his voice tense with anticipation.

You take a deep breath, gathering your courage. “Jake, you’ve always been there for me. You’ve been my rock, my best friend, and… I’ve realized that maybe, I’ve been blind to something that’s been right in front of me all along.”

His eyes are locked onto yours, and you can see the hope growing, the warmth in his gaze like the sun breaking through the clouds after a cold cold winter day. “What do you mean?” he asks softly.

“I mean…” you struggle to find the right words, the right way to express the tumult of emotions inside you. “I think I’ve been so caught up in my own fears and insecurities that I didn’t see what was right in front of me. You’ve always been there, and I’ve come to realize that… that I care about you, Jake. More than just as a friend.”

There, it’s out. You think as you let the words out of your mouth. The words hang in the air between you, a confession that feels both terrifying and liberating. Jake’s expression softens, a mixture of relief and overwhelming emotion flooding his face.

“I’ve cared about you for a long time.. I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner,” he admits, his voice shaking slightly. “I didn’t know how to tell you without risking what we have. But hearing you say that… it means everything to me.”

You reach across the table, taking his hand in yours. The simple touch feels like a lifeline, grounding you in this moment of vulnerability and honesty. “I’m scared, Jake,” you confess. “I’m scared of losing what we have, but I’m more scared of never knowing what we could be.”

Jake squeezes your hand, his grip warm and reassuring. “We’ll figure it out together,” he promises. “We’ve always been there for each other, and that won’t change. I want to be with you, Y/N. Not just as your friend, but as someone who loves you.”

His words are like the first true warmth of summer, melting away the last of your fears. You smile, a genuine, hopeful smile, and nod. “I want that too, Jake. I want to see where this goes, with you.”

As you sit there, hand in hand, you feel the ice around your heart finally melt away, replaced by the warmth and promise of a new beginning. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but with Jake by your side, you know you’ll face it together, one step at a time.

[olderthannetfic]

The To Gaze Upon a Wicked God situation is more complicated than a straightforward "yes/no" on whether it's a colonizer romance or not imo.

I think the author wants to send an anti colonial message with the book, but it very much wants to have the cake and eat it too. It's written a lot like other "dark romantasy" and the marketing surrounding it went hard on the enemies to lovers thing (the Zutara comparisons especially was still being pushed even in late April). Iirc, the real love interest only appears for less than five scenes?

With that in mind, I don't think it's unreasonable to read the protagonist's rejection of the prince at the end as a set-up to a tortured "I love him but I can't trust him anymore because he's evil and lied to me" while Baihu simped for her in the background and the prince gets redeemed with a heroic act at the end of the second book or something. That was my impression until it was revealed that the childhood friend was the real love interest.

(Maybe I just read too many angsty "you killed my whole clan but I still love you even though I'm not supposed to" cnovels in my youth hahaha)

Imo, it was in really bad taste to do a fake out marketing, but idk if she has control over that. It feels like nobody around her understood how touchy the subject and her inspirations were, because none of these irl decisions wouldn't have happened if they did. I don't think the original anon had the right to comment like they understood everything without reading the book, but I completely get the feeling of "wtf girl you did not just write/say that." Also the writing was... not good.

I hope the "baihu cut" remedies a lot of its issues. Plenty of white authors write shit takes on history. Asian authors shouldn't be burned at the stake when they do the same

--

(Followup to last anon about to gaze upon wicked gods) One thing I forgot is that the author's notes directly mentioned the Japanese occupation and unit 731. I think it's reasonable for readers to make the connection between that and the Roman invasion + human experimentation mentioned in the book. I can't blame them from being grossed out or even outraged when everything irl points to Antony being the intended love interest even though he's the leader of in universe unit 731

I can well believe that it's mostly a skill issue.

People should be free to criticize a book for what's actually in there, but yeah, there's definitely this vibe like nonwhite authors or minority authors or whomever aren't allowed to just... not be very good.

I don't mean they should be free from all criticism, but there's a particular type of extra torches-and-pitchforks criticism that amounts to "Thou shalt be a godlike writer from birth or else!"

[13lack-cat]

I rewatched detective pikachu yesterday and overall still excellent but that makes the ableism so much more jarring

[essektheylyss]

It took me like two hours to process that Caleb's description of dunamis actually was somewhat new information and then go back to grab the transcription because, uh, both "form of magic that exists between the fabric of all of forces of power" and "one of the oldest and most fundamental forces" are far more confidently firm descriptions than we ever got in campaign 2.

Was I actually roughly correct about what dunamis was??? HELLO???

VINDICATION?!?!

[lets-try-some-writing]

Living Remnant

When Optimus dreams, he relives the memories of his predecessors, often believing that he is them until he wakes. But when he does this, odd things tend to occur.

Sleepwalking

More often than not, when Optimus dreams and delves into the memories of the other Primes, he ends up sleepwalking as the Matrix's way of keeping him safe while he is unavailable. The Matrix will pilot his frame, using the remnants of the Primes minds and muscle memory within it to operate. It normally isn't an issue, the team will just let Optimus wander for a bit and one of the more insomniac members will lead him back to his berth. However his sleepwalking is highly volatile, one wrong move can lead him to lash out instinctively as the Matrix is unable to tell friend from foe.

Not only that... but Optimus is rather terrifying when the Matrix controls his frame. He wanders the base like a machine. Everything he does when sleepwalking looks wrong, almost like he is a broken record stuck on loop. Sometimes he won't move for hours, not even so much as twitching, just standing in the shadows and watching with empty optics. Other times he will repeat the same set of actions over and over, lifting and item, carrying it to another spot, and putting it down before doing it all over gain. Startlingly, he also might wander looking lost and repeating ominous phrases as he walks, usually something about it "hurting". And most frighteningly, but thankfully most rarely, Optimus's frame will start to mimic previous Primes.

One such instance led him to wander around the base with his blades extended, lashing out and trying to attack any bot he saw. The team spent the entire night hiding behind locked doors, terrified for their lives. They never mentioned what happened to Optimus after he woke, not wanting to make him feel guilty for things he had no control over. But still, the team hypothesize that the memories that the Matrix was using must have belonged to Nova Prime, a Prime notorious for his paranoia and his death at the hands of his own inner circle.

Another similar instance led Optimus to begin working with dangerous chemicals trying to make... something in his zombified state. Ratchet tried to intervene but he was stopped by a startlingly empty stare and a few muttered sentences about how "There must be a cure" and how he "Must find the cure". Ratchet ended up watching in fear as Optimus created an antidote for the rust plague, something not hard to make with their knowledge but concerning when the thought of which Prime the memories originated from came into play. Optimus woke from his stupor with nearly a dozen vials of rust plague antidote's surrounding him and with his servos covered in all sorts of cuts and chemical burns. Ratchet was thankfully there to calm him down and treat his wounds, but neither have spoken of that particular instance since.

The last instance of such terrifying behavior taking place that the team are aware of started with Optimus sleepwalking as he normally would. But when day came... he didn't wake. The team tried to break him out of it but he was completely unresponsive, totally immersed in the Matrix. He remained in a state of waking sleep for days... hardly moving and only doing one of two things, that being singing songs in the ancient tongue and drawing murals with whatever resources were available to him. It was a horrifying experience, that with the team being unable to wake him in any way, not even to get him to consume energon. Ratchet ended up giving him shots of energon directly to his systems as he spent nearly a whole week in that state. The team were beginning to worry that he wouldn't wake, that he had finally fallen too far into the Matrix's grip when he finally showed signs of stirring. By the time Ratchet dragged him to the medical berth for a checkup, Optimus had already created dozens of highly unusual and very... disturbing murals depicting everything from the creation of the Primes to the great war.

Some were indecipherable, only depicting mecha in various states of agony or other forms of discomfort. Others were clear as day and nearly prophetic in nature, depicting the omega lock, Unicron spark chamber, and even one of Smokescreen with the omega keys. And then there were a few that shook the team to their cores, murals that told a tale of horrible suffering. Those murals showed the deaths of a Prime or Optimus being dragged down into a sea of corpses, always with his face scribbled out in a mess of blue paint.

The team hide those murals away before Optimus could notice them and only brought them out a few weeks after the incident, fearful that he might panic upon seeing the murals or fall right back into the Matrix's grip.

Mistakes

After a particularly intense session with the Matrix, Optimus tends to leave its grip a bit... off. He is never completely right in the helm afterward, either being eerily emotionless or saying and doing worrying things.

He will... mistake things around him on those days, speaking of mecha who have been dead for millennia as if they were present and looking at the team and not really seeing them, instead thinking them to be someone else. Bumblebee was mistaken for Senator Shockwave at one point due to his cheerful disposition, much to the discomfort of the whole team. Arcee was Elita-1 in Optimus's view for nearly a week at one point, leading to some rather awkward situations. Ratchet was referred to as Pharma in part due to their similar appearances, ultimately leading Ratchet to temporarily redo his paint to help Optimus see him for who he really was. Bulkhead and Wheeljack kept getting mixed around, being called by any number of names ranging from Tailgate, Hightide, Ironhide, to even Kup. Ultra Magnus and Smokescreen didn't fare much better when it came to getting misnamed.

It isn't just names either. When out on the battlefield Optimus's fighting style, way of speech, and even his priorities can be warped depending on which Prime he interacted with in the Matrix. Nova's memories made him extra violent, often leading Megatron to retreat quicker but at the cost of the team having more injuries or missing the actual target. Guardian's memories made him far more calculating but less caring of the loss of life, usually requiring another of the team to take over handling civilians or potential casualties. Sentinel's memories made Optimus paranoid as pit, unwilling to take any risks whatsoever if there was a way around it, tending get the team better results when the plan worked, but only if the plan actually worked.

Of course there are other smaller things, like habits that linger during those days. Things like Nova's tendency to constantly have a weapon on hand and keep every bot on high alert was commonplace. Sentinel's notorious paranoid patrols and continual health checks were both common and both the best and worst thing to ever happen to Ratchet. And Guardian's habit of organizing everything that could possibly be organized due to his impossible workaholic nature was something that also become prominent in Optimus on days where the Matrix's touch lingered.

Drowning

It doesn't happen often, in fact it only happens after events that even the powerful emotional suppression of the Matrix can't handle. But sometimes, when times are most stressful for Optimus or when he feels the most useless, the Matrix will activate it's in built defenses and take control of Optimus's frame during his moment of mental weakness. It will push Optimus's mind back, sending him to consult the memories and experience the more... safe ones while it operates his frame. It is the Matrix's way of keeping its Prime safe, and it works for the most part... except for a few occasions.

Usually when the Matrix takes over it will do what it does when Optimus dreams, merely piloting his body somewhat aimlessly until he is ready mentally to take control again. But sometimes while Optimus is still recovering within the Matrix, something happens that the Matrix can't handle, leading to it pulling Optimus back into a semi-operational state in panic. In those instances Optimus isn't fully aware, his mind still half submerged in the Matrix and vulnerable. And so to not damage Optimus's recovering mind, the Matrix will feed him memories from its previous holders on loop depending on the situation so that he can still rest while performing as needed.

If it is battle that causes the Matrix to wake Optimus prematurely, it will feed Optimus the memories of a battle that matches the circumstances best. This is by no means foolproof and leads to more problems than solutions usually, but the Matrix does what it must. In those instances, Optimus truly believes that he is the Prime whose memories he is experiencing. He will act like them down to the smallest details, matching their memories expertly. He will give orders that match the scenario he is in, but they are always off, generally directed toward an enemy that has long since been defeated.

Ultra Magnus: Sir! Vehicons incoming!

Optimus: The Quintessions will fall! Shoot them down! Show no mercy! They will not take Cybertron from us!

Ultra Magnus: *Looking at the others nervously* You heard him, man your blasters and shoot the Vehicons down.

Everything he does seems off, almost like an NPC rehearsing the same lines over and over again. He even has an idle action depending on the memory set.

Ratchet: Prime, I need to check you for injuries

Optimus: *Standing guard periodically checking his blaster* All non-essential personnel are to remain indoors throughout the quarantine cycle. The rust plague is a real threat and should not be underestimated.

Ratchet: ...Just hold still

It is incredibly off-putting and can either be downright strange or dangerous with very few instances of there every being a situation in between. It can take up to a week for Optimus to break from his memory loops as he finishes his recovery mentally. The team always breath a sigh of relief afterward, even though Optimus does not recall what he did.

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[okiidokii]

This wave of "Steven Universe never had a single flaw and you're all a bunch of mean anti-intellectual homophobes if you criticize it" is really starting to get to me

[squigglywindy]

It’s the boyyyy

Anyway I will be accepting constructive criticism if anyone can put their finger on what is off. I think his eyes are too far apart, but I may be wrong. Something proportionally is whack. The eyes are an eye’s-width apart which is supposedly what they’re supposed to be but he looks kinda like a frog. Anyway, overall still pretty happy with it. Have a Twi :D

[ferusaurelius]

Mass Effect Universe Meta - 1

I suppose I should call this ‘mass effect critical’ but it’s really more a meditation on the questions that the series poses and the ones it chooses to ignore ... with a focus on ‘choice-based’ narrative, character-driven storylines, and geopolitical philosophy. 

If any of the above annoys you, I’d recommend not hitting the read more. This’ll probably be the first part of a series. xD

This first one is just a meditation on the choice-based narrative implementation in ME as a series. 

I’m sure I’m not saying anything someone else hasn’t already covered, in fairness, probably better or more extensively than I’m doing here ... but this is kinda where I have to begin in order to tackle my other themes.

If you just get annoyed by this sort of navel-gazing, probably best not to proceed past the cut. I’ll totally understand!

So You Want Choice-Based Story In Your AAA-Shooter

Starting with the above: much ink has been spilled on the way that gameplay implicates and frames morality. Back in the day, Mass Effect (2007) on release was stirring up controversy because it let players choose a lesbian relationship with Liara! We’ve come a long way since then. 

In some respects, Mass Effect is a product of its time and also another milestone in BioWare’s narrative portfolio. Which, before Mass Effect, included other games such as Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.

Worth noting is that BioWare as a development house has refined its use of morality systems and mechanics over time! We’ve seen everything from lightside/darkside sliders, to paragon/renegade, to the innovation of ‘party approval’ ratings in the Dragon Age franchise. Of note is that once BioWare establishes a canon morality or choice-rating system, those mechanics tend to remain in place or consistent throughout a particular world.

There’s a notable (and expected) departure in Mass Effect: Andromeda because the writers felt like the Paragon/Renegade system was too tied to Commander Shepard, specifically, to be used as a basis for Ryder.

What makes these game narratives so engaging from a player viewpoint will also be necessarily limited by the under-the-hood mechanics of the systems and how they are capable of responding to the player. Without a set of key markers to help the game function and implement narrative choices, and without a highly-structured narrative framework that can accommodate or reflect those choices on-screen in ways that are emotionally resonant, we get ... whatever happened with Starchild.

... but we didn’t get there all at once.

Mass Effect 1: Cosmic Horrors and You

At a very high-level read, Mass Effect 1 sets the scene for the rest of the trilogy to follow and makes very clear the stakes and the plot-related questions it’s going to tackle. In the first five minutes of the game we’re confronted with eldritch horrors from beyond the stars, the return of the geth, AND Saren Arterius killing his friend, Nihlus Kryik!

I kinda knew right about then that the game was not going to be tackling plot questions (and cultures) in ways that were interesting to me, since if they were going to do that ... it would have made more sense for Nihlus to live. I have been (politely, affectionately) boo-boo-the-clown ever since.

While I still loved the aspects of universe exploration and getting to know my human and non-human crewmembers (Ashley, Kaidan, Wrex, Tali, Garrus, and Liara), the shocking moments of Virmire where you -- and I’m pretty sure this isn’t a spoiler at this point -- have to determine who lives and who dies and it’s a scripted loss? 

Narratively powerful because you’ve spent a while getting to know both characters, but problematic from a mechanics standpoint because now you have to maintain a universe that more or less hangs together throughout the game no matter “who” you chose to survive. Death-as-choice becomes a notable proxy in Mass Effect’s storyline for morality and impact.

Mechanically, you’ll also note that a lot of “moral choices” are framed as kill/don’t kill, to various and sundry effects. Personally, I wasn’t a fan of the binary choice framework underpinning most of the game’s critical moments.

And rather than be totally critical I’ll just spotlight the one choice I DO remember: with enough paragon points, talking Saren into shooting himself before he gets reanimated as a Reaper abomination.

In fairness, I think it would’ve been nice for that moment not to be gated behind a Paragon points check, since it was a NEAT narrative flourish that I didn’t see structurally repeated in other areas in the game.

As much as I fell in love with the universe, the idea of the Protheans, and what Vigil and Ilos implied about the murky past ... I was less enamored of the Reapers as a universe-ending threat and more intrigued by the internecine conflicts between the various species of the galaxy. Other game-defining options which carried over into ME2 included whether or not to save the Council (cake or death?), who to appoint as humanity’s first Councilor (slightly less death-driven), whether or not to shoot Wrex (also cake or death).

The amount of “save or kill” decisions and the lack of other equivalents (and those that WERE provided being given less narrative weight than the life-or-death elements) clued me in to the design philosophy that what the game and the narrative would most remember about the world state was who was still alive.

On the one hand, the narrative impacts of presence or absence are obvious for the player! We know these decisions are significant. On the other hand, as you’ll see in my description of ME2, this design choice did start to paint the team into a corner.

Mass Effect 2: About That Suicide Mission

Much as I loved the new squadmates for ME2 and the overall pacing of the story, as well as the interim character development for each former squad member, the clue that most of this was going to happen off-screen or not at all was that these developments occurred while Shepard was not present -- conveniently killed by the Collectors.

Again, this was my hint that this story was going to focus on different questions!

Cerberus, who played the role of minor mooks in the first game, were upgraded to a level of influence that would be a conspiracy-theorist’s dream. One of my personal soapbox “dead dove: do not eat” elements is “but the conspiracies were REAL!” So this was honestly my bad.

Favorite moments in this game included getting to know new squad members, reuniting with old characters (including Wrex! and Grunt, who has one of my favorite arcs in the game alongside Garrus). YMMV about which characters and squadmates you connected with the most/least, but we can all agree that The Suicide Mission was Certainly A Choice.

With that said, it’s possible for no-one to survive and to avoid recruiting the new squaddies. Because choices, remember?

Unfortunately this also has the impact of “kill/save” being, once again, the primary impactful narrative game mechanic. 

One can forgive the developers and narrative designers for getting a little tired at this point, because we’re not sure who survived or how much narrative content we’re going to have to adapt to another totally new character in the third act, based on who survives The Suicide Mission. Which does rather put a crimp in the amount of relational development we can presuppose in the third game.

One gets the idea that Liara was the favorite child in part because she is more or less impossible to kill. She will survive all the games no matter what choices you make, unless that choice is getting killed by Harbinger’s laser beam at the very end of ME3 and failing the game.

Small wonder that, in many respects, one of the ways the game develops Liara’s character is actually taking away player choice to avoid having to do an “impactful kill/save” option that would otherwise render her permanently inaccessible to the narrative.

Mass Effect 3: Enter the Starchild

So, what are we to make of the “kill/save” and “presence/absence” dynamic as the most narratively impactful and important? Ironically, these choices have impact only insofar as they determine what resources and relationships your Commander Shepard has access to in the game. The narrative does not so much branch as continue on, with slightly different details, depending on who you saved or recruited.

There will still BE a Tuchanka mission with or without Mordin or Wrex, and you will still conquer the Reaper capital ship alongside Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws (which is a pretty cool moment, let’s be real).

From a narrative design standpoint, these moments are what’s absolutely critical to a functioning storyline -- the character-development bits are secondary, as they must be in a game where the suicide mission can deplete your squad so thoroughly that nobody is left.

I won’t spend too much time on the original choice to lock Javik behind a DLC gate, but that’s another unfortunate choice that limited the baked-in narrative options for the third installment of the game.

Outside of the Commander-Shepard-Driven set pieces on each world, at this point, character relationships were more the icing on the cake than the narrative bedrock, something as a consequence of deciding early in design that killing characters is the clearest way to communicate narrative impact.

However, the other side of this choice, is that killing off characters when you have no narrative attachment to them and no stake in that sacrifice, ends up having progressively less and less impact, even in a AAA-shooter where the whole point is to reduce endless waves of mooks into a fine mist...

... which is where Starchild comes in.

Commander Shepard is locked into a final color-coded narrative choice of who to kill and who to save. That’s the narrative’s way of making sure you know that the choice is important -- because, without that design choice, there’s really no other established way for the game to communicate significance.

Which is a tragedy in and of itself. So many other moments are often significant or meaningful ... and I really think the choice to go with life-and-death as the biggest, baddest, most narratively-supportive element is what essentially painted the team into this final corner.

If You’re So Smart, What Would You Do?

This is easy, since it’s ultimately what BioWare and its narrative designers decided to implement in its next games: party-based approval and relationship systems that operated separately from a Paragon/Renegade personal scale.

Yeah, yeah, a cop-out. I know. Essentially, this is just external evidence that the narrative designers learned from the limitations they encountered in the Mass Effect universe and applied those lessons to their Dragon Age games.

Which again is not to say that I’ve seen concrete evidence of leaning LESS into the “kill/save” dynamic as impactful (remember the Witherfang quest in DA:O?). But it’s the thought that counts!

Branching out to other choices being signaled and framed as impactful is a key to choice-based game design and storytelling being able to incorporate character-driven narrative alongside the raw individual plot.

While this ultimately didn’t happen in Mass Effect, I am interested to see how the mechanics will be implemented in DA4 to detail and interweave other motives and questions into that storyline.

That’s What Fanfiction is For

Watching the canon Mass Effect universe default to “kill/save” decisions as the framing morality structure is pretty much why I write fanfiction designed to fill in and detail out the other blank spaces in background and backstory, and to imagine what other questions might have arisen in a more flexible approach that would not have been possible before the relevant lessons for narrative design were learned in these games.

My motivation as a writer is to expand in areas that were dropped because they wouldn’t make the cut in a AAA-shooter on a protagonist-driven schedule.

For the same reason that narrative significance eluded the final “controversial” ending of the series, I find that there are enough other aspects of character-driven plot and geopolitical philosophy that remain interesting (and implied-if-you-squint by the codex material) to keep me sufficiently occupied for a number of WIP fanfics. ;)

Which, in the end, is more a testament to the strength of the central thesis of the game (what if humanity is the new kid on the block in a galaxy full of advanced alien species?) rather than the questions the narrative ultimately chose to center.

-Ferus, out.

[herequeerexitentialfear]

i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.

[baronessofmischief]

I think Tarzan also has one of the best setups for a villain who monologues their true intentions at the end of the movie.

Clayton’s introduction is someone we hear before we see, spending the entire time hacking through the brush bragging about his accomplishments as a safari hunter. He lives for the thrill of the hunt and the recognition, praise, and notoriety those exploits garner. It means when Tarzan is restrained at the end on the boat, it’s entirely in character for Clayton to brag about exactly what he plans to do in betraying them and capturing the gorillas. He doesn’t even have to do it for long, just long enough to break the spirit of the hero before throwing him to the lowest point he’s been in the story.

If you’re going to have a character monologue it can’t feel out of place or disrupt the flow and pacing of the movie, and it definitely can’t be out of character for that particular character to give it. Too often monologues can sound like they were written for the satisfaction of the writer instead of serving the story, and when that’s the case it’s a “kill your darlings” scenario; every word in a monologue has to be necessary, or else it needs to be cut out

[falinscloaca]

pisses me off so much much that i’m not immune to people arguing about steven universe

[maddy-ferguson]

i spent two hours (two hours) with my "friends" from school today and i'm MISERABLE roman voice you need to stop this (@ me)

[mybrainproblems]

so like. watching 11x23 after having watched the rest of the show and taking time to chew on what the fuck dabbnatural is all about is so interesting bc there's a certain framing of chuck dying in 11x23 that... i'm not sure if it was intentional by dabb or just the way the editing shook out (either option is insane) but at first chuck seems to imply that his death and the death of the world isn't the result of imbalance, but it's that amara killed him and is now destroying the world. but then we learn from amara that no, the sun is dying bc she hurt chuck to the point where he is dying and that without creation there is only the nothingness that is her nature. the sun dying is the result of her actions but it's not a direct choice, just a consequence that she didn't really foresee. she has come to love chuck's creations, why would she choose to destroy that?

and it just fascinates me. bc watching 14x20 immediately after it's kinda like... was this intentional? there's a certain element of 11x23 that feels like as much as chuck says he doesn't want to hurt amara, he doesn't necessarily feel regret about what he's done, only how it turned out.

which again, could just be that the takes used in editing biased towards a less remorseful vibe from chuck. we don't know if there were other takes where rob played chuck as more remorseful but that's what we end up with. dean asking if chuck wants amara dead and him saying that even after all this, no. but still lying by omission that the sun dying is something amara is choosing to do.

like idk there's just a certain framing of that reveal and the fact that it initially comes from amara that is like. yes, chuck is dying but he's putting on his best meow meow act. if he's gonna die it may as well be as he's comforted by the characters from his favorite show. he may as well snuggle in close and send dean out to one more act of violence; to kill his sister. but this time he doesn't hold the trump card, he can't force dean to act out the violence that he wants from him. he chooses the reprieve he's been given and when amara get sick of his shit, he goes right back to playing with his favorite characters.

after all, they gave him such a good show last time.

and then i just have to wonder... would chuck have died if amara was destroyed by the soul bomb? if chuck dies, then amara lives (presumably bc she's uninjured) but if amara dies... even if he's injured, does chuck die? we only have his word that he would and in light of 14x20 and everything in s15 we have to recontextualize everything chuck has ever said in light of one thing --

writers lie.

[starburst-selfship]

I really hope no one here thinks I excuse every one of Miguel’s actions just because I love him. Like nuh uh he should’ve never done any of that to Miles?? The 15 y/o he projected onto?? I’m sayin this out of love but he needs his ass whooped in BTSV

[hpmort]

In this current state of intoxication I realize that my thematic issues with the Steven Universe finale were reliant on projecting Pink Diamond onto Steven, and that it was all based on how it was pulled off- especially how easy it would have been to fix!

Change White Diamond’s pink lighting that makes it look like maybe Steven took control of her to being multicolored, making it more clear that she’s not had her abilities turned back on her, but rather whatever the flushing was supposed to symbolize (which I can kind of identify but can only gesture towards, perhaps not only because I am on drugs), and move “Change Your Mind” from its clumsy placement at the end, and make it play over White Diamond changing hers.

Then, have Sadie Killer and the Suspects play over the part that has the Off-Colors landing and meeting the Diamonds; then, the song ends after the fast version of the the scene with the Diamonds and the Off-Colors.

Everything is the same after that, minus the clumsy implementation of the song “Change Your Mind” into the show, so it ends with the reprise of the theme song.