#I think he still needs it because his mental health is in the trash

[starburst-selfship]

I really hope no one here thinks I excuse every one of Miguel’s actions just because I love him. Like nuh uh he should’ve never done any of that to Miles?? The 15 y/o he projected onto?? I’m sayin this out of love but he needs his ass whooped in BTSV

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part 4)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: edited by the ever so lovely karmiccc on ao3! Comments and criticisms are welcome!

tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts @blooket-scares-me @amararosesblog @talanyra @spideybv28 @sadslasher13 @night-spectrum @eveieforeve02

Previous Chapter//Next Chapter

On Your Left Babygirl

Wade watches from the corner of his eye as your feet drag behind you, the now limp Wolverine was pressing his full mass into the two of you, and you were clearly struggling with the newly added weight.

“One Anchor Being coming right up, on your left, baby girl!”

“This Logan has everything! He can do pretty much anything the old model could plus he even sings musicals! And he’s actually wearing a costume like he’s not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once!”

“I don’t understand.”

“You said my universe is dying, because this sad sack of nuts got himself killed. Well, problem solved!”

“Y-you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this?” Paradox says between laughs pointing at Wolverine still on the floor. “I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine bee tee dubs, but you’ve brought me the absolute worst Wolverine there is!

“What do you mean the worst one?” Wade asked, walking closer to Paradox.

Just as Wade was less than an arm’s length away from Paradox, you saw the off brand Mr. Darcy reachout and grab something behind his back. You jump forward placing yourself in between the two men just as Paradox drew his weapon.

“Wade watch-!” You don’t get to finish your sentence as Wade watches in absolute horror as you disintegrate into nothing in front of him.

Wade falls to his knees as if trying to catch your particles that were still floating about in the air before disappearing entirely.

The distinct snikt of Wolverine unleashing his claws breaks Wade out of his trance as he watches the Wolverine, now back on his feet, lunge for Paradox with his claws in pure rage before disappearing too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan groans as he sits up, cracking his neck back into place. He raises a hand to shield his face from the harsh rays of the sun above him as he lets out a sharp hiss from the incoming headache he was starting to get from the combination of the fall and all the alcohol he drank earlier.

Barely starting to sober up, he looks around himself with a grunt as he stands, taking in the environment around himself.

If he had to guess he’d had no idea where the fuck he was. The scene around him was dry and arid like a desert, only this one didn’t seem familiar to him at all. There was all kinds of trash and debris around him like it had been dumped here and forgotten. Taking in a few greedy inhales, Logan scented the air, coming back with only faint traces of smoke, dirt and something else, something sweet and fresh and familiar but still different at the same time.

Turning his head to follow the source of the smell Logan spots you, laid out face first on the ground. He walks up to you apprehensively, not knowing if he could trust you or not but as he approaches he realizes you’re out cold.

Getting a closer look at you now he’s able to take in your features up close. If you were a shapeshifter of some kind like he previously thought, you were a hell of a good one. At first glance you looked just like her, the same hair and big doe eyes that used to look up at him. You were even dressed the same way.

Squatting down to your level Logan’s able to get a much better whiff of you from here. There’s no mistaking a scent, even when Morph and Mystique used to try and trick him back in the day but it never worked because they could never change their smell.

There was no doubt about it, the smell was definitely yours. Shamefully Logan found his eyes wandering down your frame slowly as he drank you in, eyes lingering on your ass for a few seconds before turning you over onto your back, and God, even your face was the same. The longer he looked at you the more he realized you really were her. Only, you had less pronounced smile lines, and were less muscular, having probably only known peace in your life, you had appeared more softer than she had been. Just as his gloved hand was a breath away from caressing your cheek, he’s ripped from his inspection by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground behind him.

Standing to his feet, he looks back at you one last time before looking at the disfigured body of the guy in red from before as his bones snap back into place. He sniffs the air again, realizing the man that had just fallen from the sky. He smelled absolutely rancid to him, stinking of blood, gunpowder and a distinct sickly cancerous smell.

Definitely a threat. Logan concludes as he starts to walk up to him.

Wade coughs as he rolls over onto his back, looking down between his legs as Wolverine walked up to him, stopping right as his feet, “Don’t just stand there, you big ape. Give me a hand!”

Wolverine stared down at him, his hazel eyes swirling with contempt and silent fury as he unsheathed his claws.

“No, I’m actually okay, thank you,” Wade barely finishes his sentence before he’s being stabbed through both his sides, letting out a sharp curse as Logan hoists him in the air like a kebab.

“Where the hell are we?!” He demands.

“I don’t know! It all looks kinda Mad Maxy but that would be copyright infringement, wouldn’t it?!” Wade cries out as Wolverine harshly drops him to the ground.

“Fucking jokes,” Logan scoffs before turning his back to him, walking towards your still unconscious form.

“Hey hey! You stay away from my pookie bear, you hear me?” Wade warns as he cocks his gun pointing it at the back of Wolverine’s head.

“Or what?” He dared the man to continue.

Wade lowers his gun as he realizes how fast the situation was starting to escalate, his eyes dart back and forth between you and the very ready to rip his guts out Wolverine before he curses to himself. After putting his gun away, Wade raises his hands up in the air as a way to appease Logan as he began to warily approach him.

“Look, we don't have time for this alright? If we don’t make it back to that Paradox asshole. Everyone I know is going to die,” Wade starts to explain the situation to him but Logan rolls his eyes as he turns back around, continuing to walk towards you.

“No, my fucking problem,” Logan replies coldly as he waves him off.

Wade felt his blood boil. He was never a patient man, nor a very nice one, but compared to this guy? He was a fucking saint. It was an insult to everyone that his Anchor being replacement had to be such a dick.

“Is that what you said when your world went to shit?” Wade shoots back to Wolverine, stopping him in his tracks again.

“Come again?” Logan growls, turning back to face him.

“Yeah, I heard all about you.” Wade began as he turned around, becoming increasingly exasperated by the situation at hand, ”You screwed up everything, but you really should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit-“

Wade let out a scream as searing pain shot through his body. Looking down he sees the infamous adamantium claws of Wolverine protruding through his chest.

“Oh, you backstabbing son of a bitch!” Wade grunts in agony as he’s hoisted in the air again, this time on his back.

Fighting back against the pain, Wade uses his own momentum to flip himself behind Wolverine, throwing them both onto their backs on the ground, the blades of the Wolverine’s claws tearing more of his flesh and bone on their way out as he did so. Without missing a beat Wade pressed his guns against Wolverine’s sides and shot out several rounds as the older man let out a guttural scream of pain.

“Are you ready to be calm now?” Wade asks almost mockingly, guns still pressed to Wolverine’s ribs.

He’s met immediately with a headbutt, no doubt breaking his nose underneath the mask.

“Fuck!” Wade swears in pain as Wolverine rolls off him.

Not giving Wade any time to gather his bearings, the older mutant grabs him by his ankles before throwing him into a wall. Wade heard the bones in his arm snap as he crashed through the cement wall, tumbling backwards against a sunken monument that seemed familiar to him. Wade groaned as he stumbled back up to his feet, his arm snapped back into place painfully as he reloaded his gun.

“I don’t want to fight you, Peanut! Doesn’t matter what you did. I just need your help.” Wade called over to Wolverine as he stood across from him in the wasteland.

“I don’t fucking care,” Logan snaps back as he spits out a smoking bullet, the rest falling from his torso, his healing factor working over time to push them out.

“Fuck, this is gonna hurt,” Wade says more so to himself than anyone else, “Alright! Fuck it! Let’s give the people what they came for!”

“Let’s fucking go,” Logan says as he crouches down to his knees, readying himself for whatever Wade was about to throw at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You take a sharp much needed inhale through your nose as the final bone in your spine snaps back into place. Sputtering out a cough you sat up bltrying to block out the blinding light of the sun with your hand as a headache pulsed through your skull. Looking around you slowly take in the dilapidated scenery around you.

Where the hell were you? You thought to yourself as you looked down at your watch to check the time.

The screen was broken, a crack having spiderwebbed across the screen. You weren’t exactly sure when it had broken but from what you could tell from when it had stopped working it was well beyond midnight.

“Oh I’m so fucking fired tomorrow,” You say with a groan as you rise to your feet dusting yourself off.

The sound of shouting and rapid gunfire drew your attention in the distance. Approaching the sound as cautiously as you could, you peek over a mound of rubble to find Wade being held down by an enraged Wolverine with Wade’s katanas and baby knife sticking out of him, reminding you of a human pin cushion.

“Let’s see you grow your fucking head back!” He shouts as he goes to sink his claws into Wade’s throat.

Picking up the first thing you see laying around you run up behind the Wolverine hitting him in the head as hard as you could, breaking the branch in your hands on impact. With a heavy grunt, he stumbles off of Wade onto the ground.The Wolverine clutches his ear as he snaps his head up to glare at his assailant. The rage in his eyes shifts to shock as you stand over wade protectively, glaring down at him with your broken branch raised high and at the ready for you to swing at him again if need be.

Snapping out of his daze, Wolverine gets to his feet and with his claws sheathed going to strike the red suited clown again, when hastily Wade rises to his feet, immediately moving you behind him with his hands raised up in surrender.

“Wait, wait, I can fix it! I know how to fix it!” Wade shouted at the Wolverine not willing to put you or himself in the Wolverine’s wraith.

“Fix what?” Wolverine asks has he slowly starts to lower his fist as he looks back and forth between you two.

“Whatever it is that you did that made you so bad! Those freaks in the TVA, they have the power to end our universe, but they can also change yours!” Wade says pushing you further behind him, not liking how the man was eyeing you.

Logan looks between the two of you incredulously as if trying to understand if what Wade just told him was true or not.

“Well?” He asks gruffly, eyes now completely focused on you.

Realizing he was talking to you and that your answer might be his deciding factor on whether or not to help you, you take a deep breath as you walk out from behind Wade who looks at you skeptically for a moment.

“We just traveled the multiverse trying to find you because of the TVA,” You began with a surprised chuckle still reeling in that fact that you actually did do that as you returned Logan's intense gaze,“Until today I didn’t think any of this kinda stuff was possible… But it is so I believe him,” You said exchanging a look with Wade as you finish, he nods his head to you almost in thanks.

Logan stares at you a bit longer before letting out a frustrated huff as he looks away, sheathing his claws. You nearly let out a beath of relief at the sight until the older man resumed his attention on you two again. The Wolverine looked back and forth between the two of you as he felt his nerves starting to grate again.

“How the fuck do you know this clown?” Logan asks annoyed, his fists were down at his sides but still balled up ready to fight again if he needed to.

Peeking over Wade’s shoulder, you part your lips about to answer him when suddenly you're cut off by a new voice.

“Hey! We fight each other, we lose,” Said a voice from above you all.

Puzzled, you all look up in the direction the voice came from.

“Who the hell is that?” You asked scrunching your face up in confusion as you use a hand to block out the harsh rays of the sun from your vision.

“Dear God its him…” Wade said, astonished.

“Who?” You asked as you and Wolverine share a confused glance.

Above you, on a worn down billboard, stood a man. He was covered in loose fitting dark clothes with a hood draped over him, blocking his face from view.

“That my little chocolate drop is the One. The superhero equivalent to comfort food or molly. White guys’ answer to all the disappointments in another A-lister,” Wade went on rambling as the cloaked man jumped down and landed before the three of you.

“Now that’s a superhero landing!” Wade clapped as the cloaked man turned to point out into the desert

“They're coming,” The man said.

Alarmed, you all look in the direction of his focus. On the horizon you all could see three cars speeding towards you, all three of the giving off serious Mad Max vibes.

“Well they’re definitely driving angry,” Wade joked, though you could tell by the drop in his voice that he was assessing the entire situation very much aware of the danger you two were about to be in.

“I got this,” The cloaked man said pulling down his hood to reveal a familiar face, “Stay close.”

“Aye aye, Cap,” Wade says walking up behind him to wrap his arms around the man before he pulls them off of him awkwardly.

As the cars neared they circled around the four of you a few times, some of the men blew out crude whistles making you cringe in disgust as you clutched your broken branch to your chest. Finally they stopped, their vehicles parked around you, caging you four in.

“Cassandra is going to be giddy when she sees what we caught!” A man with stringy greasy hair grins, showing off his filthy teeth to the group, “You know you can’t run.”

“You see anyone running, dick for brains? You’re not gonna love what happens next,” The cloaked man retorted.

“Oh my god, he’s going to say it!” Wade says smacking one of his katana’s that still protruded from the Wolverine’s chest.

Logan stumbled back a bit with a weak ‘ah fuck’ as you instinctively reached out to steady him. He turned his head to look at you as soon as he felt your hands on him. You held his eyes for less than a second before abruptly removing yourself from him, now focusing on looking at anything else but him.

“Avengers Assem-!” Wade begins to shout as if anticipating what the cloaked man was about to say, however that’s not what he said at all.

“Flame on!”

“Sorry, what now?”

The cloaked man shot out into the sky in a ball of fire. He hovered over everyone for a moment before blasting out a stream of fire directly at the greasy man that had spoken before. The greasy man grins as he holds his hand out, absorbing the flames before he twists his fingers cutting off the cloaked man’s power like a faucet. The man barely had a second to register what happened before he began his miserable descent from the sky. He hit the billboard he was standing on before twice before flopping on the ground, completely unconscious.

“We don’t know that guy,” the Wolverine was quick to say.

“We thought we did,” Wade agreed as he looked over the unconscious man before turning back to the group of thugs.

“Oh but I know you,” A beastly looking man with pitch black eyes said as he dropped down to their level from atop a car.

His dark orbs were fixated on Wolverine, who returned his glare with his own as he bared his teeth at him with a growl.

“Holy shit… Sabretooth… your brother,” Wade said, a hint of excitement in his voice as he looked between the two.

“Ready to die?” Sabertooth asked as he stalked towards them, eyes never leaving Wolverine.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Time!” Wade calls out as he begins to remove his weapons from Wolverine’s body giving him a long winded nonsensical pep talk in normal Wade fashion.

“Shut the fuck up!” Wolverine growls out, shoving him back into you.

What an asshole you thought to yourself with a scrunched up face.

The Wolverine lowered himself into a fighting stance before the two mutants lunged for each other. The two collided briefly in the middle as the familiar sound of metal tearing against bone and flesh rang through the air, before sliding past each other entirely. Both brothers stood on opposite sides of the dry field.

“What is it, girl? Is there trouble at the well?” Wade mocked with an innocent tilt of his head.

You might’ve laughed at the Lassie reference if it wasn’t for the fact that not a second later Sabretooth’s head rolled off his shoulders and right at your feet. You scrunched up your nose again, turning your head away in disgust as Wade picked it up.

“Behold! The head of your precious Queen, Furiosa! I have the Wolverine! I alone control her! You come for me! You come for her!” Wade declares as he raises the head in the air like a prize before he leans over into Logan’s ear, “I’m so sorry. I know it’s pronounced him. I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear.” Logan simply rolls his eyes at him.

“Who’s next?” He challenges looking around at the men who were left, waiting for someone to step up to him.

The greasy man let out an amused chuckle before calling out to one of his partners “Toad! You’re up!”

You look towards the other mutant and resist the urge to cringe again as he shoots out his slimy green tongue and pulls a lever. Instantly it activates a giant metal magnet that drags both Wade and Wolverine off their feet and into its pull.

“Wade!” you called out, unaware as a giant sentinel leg comes flying at you from behind, stunning you as it flies towards your companions, carrying you with it.

“Oh fu-“ Was all Wolverine had managed to get out before you and the sentinel leg crashed into him and Wade, knocking out the three of you on impact.

[happeehippie]

could you do something with joe based on obsessed by olivia rodrigo?

obsessed. || joe burrow

(this is my first time doing something that’s writing instead of social media, and it’s longer than expected. i hope you enjoy.)

*if i told you how much i think about her, you’d think i was in love. *

I’m not typically an insecure person by any means, but when it comes to her I can’t help myself. When Joe and I first started dating everyone online made sure I knew that they wanted it to be her. That they were rooting for the downfall of our relationship because they believed he was meant to be with someone else. It took a huge toll on my mental health in the beginning. And as much as I like to pretend I don’t think about it, it’s never gone away. I compare myself to her at every turn, think about her often, curious if he thinks about her also..

*i’m so obsessed with your ex, i know she’s been asleep on my side of your bed.*

Joe and I had been dating for a while and he finally asked me to move in. I was ecstatic, spending every single day with the person I love sounded like a dream. No one could take the smile off my face, except her. Joe had told me to use the bedside table for some of my things, he told me to make myself at home because that’s what this place is now. I opened the drawer and found a peppermint chapstick and some lightly salted almonds.

“Hey babe?” I say loud enough for Joe to hear me from the ensuite bathroom.

“What’s up?” He pokes his head out of the door, toothbrush dangling out of his mouth.

“I was just wondering what I should do with these? I’m assuming they don’t belong to you..” I mumble, I didn’t even have to listen to his answer, I knew who’s they were.

“Uh.” Joe is frozen speechless for a moment before recovering, “Yeah, babe just toss them in the trash.”

He turns back to the sink to finish his nighttime routine and I sit there lost in my thoughts. I don’t want to think about her, I don’t want to think about the love he had before me because it’s over for a reason. But knowing that she has slept on this side of the bed that we now share is doing something detrimental to my brain. When Joe steps out of the bathroom it doesn’t take him long to notice the look on my face and the items still lingering in my hands. He walks over and gently opens my fingers to take them and toss them in the trash. When he comes back he tilts up my chin to look me in the eyes..

“I’m sorry, I should’ve checked everything before you got here. You didn’t need to see that.”

“No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t really expecting that I guess.”

“It’s in the past, I don’t care about that anymore. I always hated when she was crunching on almonds at bedtime anyway.”

We both laugh as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

*I’m starin’ at her like I wanna get hurt. And I remember every detail you have ever told me.*

She wasn’t supposed to be here. Joe promised me that she hadn’t RSVP’d and she wasn’t on the guest list, but here she is. Sitting across from me in all her glory, She is laughing with people I’ve never met and I’m reminded that I’m new here. I’m reminded that they had a whole life together before I came along, a life that included most everyone here. I’ve convinced myself people are staring. Do they want me gone just like everyone else? Do they think Joe would be better off getting back together with her? He told me once that they always had fun at weddings, he said things were good between them when everyone else was around. He said she smiled more and didn’t pay as much attention to the small things when there was so much going on around them. That she was always daydreaming about what they’d have one day and the tension would dissipate for a few hours. I wonder if she’s wishing she was here with him. She looks up and a huge smile spreads across her face, for a moment I think she’s smiling at me, then I realize that Joe is coming up behind me. For some reason that makes me sick to my stomach, that she’s smiling at him like that. He gives her a small wave before turning his attention to me.

“Would you dance with me? Please?” He adds at the end with his puppy dog eyes. I can’t say no. He takes me by the hand and leads me out onto the floor. “Have I told you how beautiful you look in this dress?” He whispers as he pulls me close.

“A few times. But I’m not tired of hearing it.” I laugh

“Well you do, I’ve barely been able to take my eyes off you. Everyone loves you, they’re stoked that you decided to come.” That Insecure part of me pokes it’s head out again. Do you mean it? I want to ask but that’s not what comes out.

“Are you just saying that so I don’t freak out later?”

“No. I’m saying it because it’s true.” I give him a pointed look, “And so that you don’t leave and over analyze everything you’ve done tonight.” He laughs, leaning in giving me a gentle kiss. Out of the corner of my eye I see her looking over at us and I feel like smiling because I realize.. he hasn’t looked away from me once.

*She’s got those lips, she’s got those hips the life of every fuckin’ party. She’s talented, she’s good with kids she even speaks kindly about me.*

Torture. That’s what this feels like. It’s Sam’s birthday today and he’s having a huge get together. She’s here, dancing with some of the other WAGs. Joe always said she was the life of the party, I wish I could hate her. I’m still trying to recover from the sickening feeling of watching Joe’s nephews run into her arms as they walked in when Jess approaches me.

“You’ve been staring.” She simply states.

“I know. I can’t help it.” I huff out a sigh, finally taking my eyes off the shiny bright light prancing around in the middle of the room.

“Maybe you should speak to her, she’s really great.” Bile rises in my throat at the thought of that encounter.

“That’s the problem.”

“She thinks you’re wonderful,” She doesn’t know me is what runs through my mind, “She’s glad that you and Joe are together. She wants him to be happy, and anyone can see he’s happy with you.”

“I wish that made me feel better.” I finish the rest of my drink and step out onto the lawn for some fresh air.

*I know you love me, and I know it’s crazy.*

I haven’t said a word since we left the party. Joe keeps looking over at me like I could explode any second, I can see his hand twitching like he wants to reach out and touch me but convinces himself otherwise. After several excruciating minutes he speaks up.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about.” He whispers, his voice gravely from sitting in silence.

“I don’t think you want to know what I’ve been thinking about Joey.”

“I think I already know. I just wish you’d talk to me about it. Instead of keeping it bottled up inside.” At this point we are pulling into the garage but neither of us makes a move to get out of the vehicle.

“Do you think about her? When we go to things like that do you miss her?” My voice is barely above a whisper and I’m holding my breath, I know he loves me. I’ve never doubted that. I think I just need to hear him say that he’s choosing me.

“I don’t.” He sounds so sure of himself, like this is the easiest question in the world, “I think about you. Every second of every day. When I go to things like that I watch you, I get excited when I see you with the people I care about, and when you’re not there, I miss you.” He takes my hand and squeezes it three times.

“They all love her.”

“And I love you. Hey, look at me.” I tilt my chin so that I can see him, “No more of this crazy talk okay? I love you, I want you, and I don’t like the idea of you comparing yourself to anyone else. You’re one of a kind.” I know. I know. I know.

“I think I just needed to hear you say it.” I give a small smile, “I promise.. no more obsessing over your ex.”

[cmncisspnandmore]

One Night Stand Part 7

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley X Pregnant! Reader

Warnings: Medical drama, Fluff,

A/N: Hi loves, sorry for taking so long, i just moved into a new house and its been a lot. And honestly my mental health is trash. This part was also really hard to write for me because I had this happen to me. And i didnt realize how triggering it would be to write about it but the best way to get through the trauma is to write about it, right? maybe? no? well, anyways sorry if it sucks. i'll do better next time.

Word count: 1833...

New to the series? Catch up here: Part 6,

Your head pounded as you laid across the soft couch, each throb timed perfectly with the beating of your heart. There was no cuteness in pregnancy, not in your eyes at least. The glow that most women talked about was nothing more than a sheen of sweat that collected on your brow from your every move. There was a tiny human playing soccer with your organs, your ribcage the goal. They kicked wildly at the space below your ribs, the feeling enough to make you want to throw up. 

The past few days had been rough, you had a headache from hell and you just felt drained. Simon was concerned but you had chalked it up to the lingering cold you had going on. But now as you lay on the couch your stomach rolling with each passing moment you aren't so sure. Simon was on base today, having to complete some paperwork. He had woken you this morning, his lips peppering your face with soft kisses. 

He had tried to stay home but you had insisted he go, that you would be fine you would call if you needed him. Since he had left a few hours ago he had called you a few times, and you had reassured him each time that you were okay, you were just going to rest on the couch until he got home. You weren’t sure how long had passed since Simon had last called, but you had started to gradually feel worse. You push yourself up onto your elbows, and the world begins to spin around you. A wave of dizziness, crashing into you, as you blindly reach for your phone. 

You swallow trying to will yourself not to throw up. It takes you a few moments to find Simon's name in the phone, and putting it on speaker. It rings longer than normal but right before it goes to voicemail his panicked voice answers. “Hello? Y/n? What's wrong?”

“Simon… I… I don't feel good,” your voice shakes as you struggle to keep the phone in your hand. 

“Bloody hell, It’s alright Love, stay on the phone with me, i’m on my way,” there’s shuffling and the sound of boots hitting the floor in the background. “You’ll be okay, what's going on?”

“I have a headache… I'm nauseous, and I just don't feel good at all, I think something is really wrong,” you mumble, swaying slightly as you sit on the couch. 

“Okay, Love, do you have any swelling in your hands or feet?” The sound of Simon's truck revving filters through the phone. 

“Yeah a little,” You lean forward to the best of your ability and press on the top of your foot watching as your finger makes a light indent in the skin.

“Fuck..” Simon curses under his breath, “Love, go put your coat on, I’ll be there in a moment. Okay? We’re gonna go to the hospital.” 

“Simon?” you whisper, your voice shaking as you push yourself to stand, bracing yourself on the couch.

“Yeah love?”

“I’m scared…” you whisper, squeezing your eyes closed as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks. 

“I know, I'm pulling up now okay, I'm gonna hang up okay? I just parked the truck, I'm coming to get you.” Simon's voice cuts off as the line goes dead. You shuffle over to the coat rack and start to pull on your coat. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you hold the coat closed around your stomach. A sharp pain under your ribs causing you to gasp, and brace your hands on the kitchen counter. 

The sound of heavy boots stops outside the door as Simon pushes into the apartment. He’s still wearing all his gear, his tight black t-shirt, his cargo pants and skull mask on. His brown eyes are full of concern as he walks towards you, his large hands resting on your hips. 

“C’mon Love lets get you checked out,” He whispers, pressing his lips to your forehead. Simon’s arms carefully pull you into him, resting your back against his chest as he guides you from the apartment and down to the car. Your mind feels cloudy and far away as Simon secures you into the truck. His hands brushing along your stomach as he fastens your seatbelt. You close your eyes focusing on the revving of the engine as Simon weaves the large black truck in and out of traffic. It was only moments later that it came to a screeching halt outside the A&E doors. He barely had the truck in park before he was jumping out and scooping you up in his arms. He cradles you against his chest as he bursts through the sliding glass doors.

“I need some help!” his voice is loud against your ear. The vibrations of it through his chest causing you to groan in pain. Each movement felt like it was sucking the soul out of you. Every breath hurt and you just wanted to sleep, but soon there were nurses and doctors swarming you. Each of them throws questions towards you, only to have Simon reply for you. 

“How far along is she?” a doctor asks as she shines a bright light in your eyes. 

“28 Weeks,” Simon's voice is laced with panic.

“Okay, let's get her up to Labor and Delivery people let's go! Someone call the NICU unit!” the on-call emergency room doctor calls out. It was like a swarm of bees, suddenly everyone was doing something. Someone was poking your arm with an IV while another was taking your blood pressure. You weren't sure whose hands belonged to who or what was going on. But after a few moments there was too much going on for your brain to process, and you passed out.

~~~~~

The beeping of the monitors was oddly familiar to you, like when you woke up after being caught in the stairwell after the apartment building you were living in caught fire. But this time there was an icy chill that ran down your spine when you heard it. The memories of what happened come flooding back.

Calling Simon, him rushing home, being rushed to A&E, the doctors concerned voice. The overwhelming sense of panic, and then nothing. You slowly pry our eyes open, fighting against the heaviness. The first thing you see is Simon's blonde hair, the wild strands sticking up at odd angles as it rests against the light blue hospital blanket. Your hand is trapped under his head. His cheek pressed firmly into the back of it. You wiggle your fingers slightly and he stirs. His head lifting, brown eyes blinking slowly as he came around. 

“Y/N?” He asks softly, his eyes meeting yours.

“Hi,” you croak softly, your throat dry and a little sore. 

“Oh god, baby, you scared me so much,” Simon whispers, his hands coming to cup your cheeks. He was still wearing his gear, minus his mask and vest, his black shirt slightly wrinkled. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your right hand moving reflexively to rest on your stomach. You pause, eyes widening as the once firm bump is now squishy and numb. The world seems to stop spinning, time slowing. Your heart wants to stop beating in your chest but it won't listen. 

 “N-No.” Your voice cracks, eyes welling with tears and a look of confusion crosses Simon's face before he looks at your right hand. 

“Oh! No, love, shhh stop it’s okay. The baby is okay.” He rushes out, grabbing your left hand in his. His face is full of concern, his brow furrowed as he watches you slightly relax. After a moment you let out a shaky breath.

“What happened?” You whisper, looking up at him, his hand still clutched tightly around yours.

“You had PreEclampsia, but a severe case of it called HELLP syndrome. I’m not entirely sure what it means but they said the only way to save your life was to deliver the baby. So they performed an emergency C-Section and had to give you a blood transfusion. The baby is okay, they’re in the NICU. I haven't been able to see them yet, but a nurse came about an hour ago and said that they were fighting like crazy and we should be able to see them soon.” He explains, his brown eyes welling with tears. 

His voice is rough and strained, “I thought I was gonna lose you both.”

Hot tears well in your eyes as he admits his fear. A man as big and strong as Simon looked so small at that moment. He looked like a lost child who couldn't find home. The brave soldier who willingly ran into warzones and fought people with his bare hands had never looked so helpless. It was in this rare moment that you got to see the person behind the hardened soldier. The man who truly thought he was going to lose the person he cared about, and his child. Your heart ached for him, you wished you could take the worry and pain he had felt away but you couldn't. 

Fresh tears spilled down your cheeks, he must've been so scared, felt so hopeless. He was usually able to control some aspect of the situations he was in. He could fight his way out of the worst scenarios, he could plan an escape, and he was always prepared for things if they went south. But he wasn't able to fix you, he had been completely helpless as Doctors worked to save not only your life but that of his unborn child. 

“Oh baby, don't cry,” Simon's thumb strokes the skin under your cheek as he wipes away your tears. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” you whisper, voice tight.

“It's not your fault, i’m just glad you're both okay.” He whispers, leaning forward and brushing his lips against your cheek.

“Tell me about the baby,” you blink away the rest of the tears, taking a steadying breath.

“It’s a girl, she weighs 1lb 2oz, and she's so small i don't even think she’d fill my entire palm. They aren't sure entirely what her future looks like, but the nurse that came in to check on you said she was a fighter, and she felt really good about her outcome.” He smiles, his brown eyes filled with pride as he talks about his daughter.

A daughter.

You had a daughter now.

The thought alone was crazy to you, you had been so sure the entire time it was a boy. You had a gut feeling but you were wrong, and you weren’t unhappy about it. You didn't care either way, the only thing you cared about was that they were okay.  That they would pull through everything and you would get to bring them home eventually. 

There's a soft knock on the door and a nurse with red hair pokes her head in. 

“Hi, do you two wanna go meet your daughter?”

Next Part: Part 8

Taglist: @coffeeandtealol, @natashamea18, @itsmytimetoodream @humanities-cutest @ajrfanz @jggykhug09090 @dedicateeverythingtomilkshake @ashreblogsnow

[jinisnuggets]

ꜱᴛʀᴀʏ ᴋɪᴅꜱ (ᴏᴛ3) ꜰɪɴᴅꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜱ/ᴏ ɪꜱ ɪɴᴊᴜʀᴇᴅ

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ˡᵉᵉ ᵏⁿᵒʷ, ʰᵃⁿ, ˢᵉᵘⁿᵍᵐⁱⁿ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ, ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗʸ, ᴴᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒⁿˢ, ˢᵐᵃᵘ

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ʰᵒˢᵖⁱᵗᵃˡ ⁱⁿʲᵘʳⁱᵉˢ, ˢʷᵉᵃʳⁱⁿᵍ, ʰᵃʳᵐ,

ˢʸⁿᵒᵖˢⁱˢ: ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃ ˢᵉʳⁱᵒᵘˢ ⁱⁿʲᵘʳʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐᵉᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ⁱᵗ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᵉˣᵖᵉᶜᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵇᵒʸᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ ᵗᵒ ᶠⁱⁿᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ ˢᵒ ᶠᵃˢᵗ

ᴬ/ⁿ: ᵗʰⁱˢ ʷᵃˢ ʳᵉqᵘᵉˢᵗᵉᵈ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵᵗ ᵖᵒˢᵗᵉᵈ ʷʰᵉⁿ ⁱᵗ ʷᵃˢ ˢᵗⁱˡˡ ⁱⁿ ᵐʸ ᵈʳᵃᶠᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵒ ᴵ ˢᵉⁿᵗ ⁱᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒʳⁱᵍⁱⁿᵃˡ ᵃˢᵏᵉʳ ᴵ ᵇᵉˡⁱᵉᵛᵉ 😭 , ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᴵᵗ'ˢ ᵃˡʳⁱᵍʰᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵖᵒˢᵗ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ʳⁿ.

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨

When he got a call from the local hospital, he was quick to assume they had the wrong number, however he still picked up in order to inform them of the mistake, and when he heard a voice on the other end start to speak, he waited for them to finish the contact information before talking.

“Hello, I wanted to inform you that you possibly have the wrong number, I don't have any health issues and neither do any of my close relatives, so I believe this is a mistake, but thank you for your hard work, it is very appreciated.”

The other end stayed silent for a moment before verifying, “This is Lee Minho, is that correct?” Minho stayed quiet for a moment before speaking, “Yes, that's me- what happened?”

After the clarification, the doctor introduced themselves and explained the situation that had him very much on edge, and hearing what actually happened didn't make it any better.

“Wait- Y/n got into a car accident..?”

“Unfortunately, but luckily it wasn't a very serious crash so they came out with few injuries, although they aren't minor, they aren't major either so they should recover in a couple of weeks to possibly months.”

By that point, Minho had been pacing around the same spot for a decent amount of time, sweat running down his forehead as he bit his thumb nail, reacting quickly and reaching out for his car keys and wallet.

“I'm on my way, please keep them safe until I get there.”

The person on the other end nodded, but for confirmation muttered a small ‘of course’ in order to assure him that you were in good hands.

He didn't have time to ask about the injuries you had, the only thing he wanted to do by that point was see you and that was really it, he didn't think to ask nor did he really care to ask at the moment of it, the question hadn't come to his head until he started driving and had already hung up, in which he found himself banging his head against the steering wheel in complete disappointment to himself, quickly speeding up the pace in order to get to his loved one faster.

𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

Jisung had been eating lunch in his car, he was lazy so he just stopped by some fast food restaurant and ordered a meal to go, so that's how he ended up in his car in a random parking lot, looking at all the passing cars as he ate the burrito he had ordered.

He had seen a couple of ambulances drive by but he hadn't thought much of them, it was normal to see an ambulance drive off during regular times of day so there wasn't anything suspicious about it.

He stayed in his car for a while and finished up his burrito, jamming to the music that played from his playlist. Right as he was picking up his trash he noticed his phone ringing, it was off as he wasn't the type to get calls often, so he looked at the contact and recognized the number as the local hospital's, it also had it on the contact name, he automatically assumed that maybe his parents needed to under-go some type of surgery and picked up.

“Hello, are we talking to Han Jisung at the moment?” The voice on the other line said, Jisung was scared so the only thing that came out of his mouth was a simple ‘mhm.’

“Perfect, I'm a doctor at the local Seoul Department Hospital, I have a few things to tell you about L/n Y/n.”

“Y/n!? Why are they at the hospital!?” He couldn't help but raise his voice a little, not because he was mad but because he was terrified. What was his beloved doing in a place like the hospital? From what he last knew you didn't have any mental conditions, which meant one of two things, you got injured or you just went for a check up and found some sort if emergency cause making you need surgery, which made him immediately reject the other option.

“Yes, L/n has twisted their ankle in what we can only assume was a fall, we don't have the full story yet as they've been undergoing treatment for the damaged bone.”

“That happened!?” Jisung was in disbelief, turning on his car and driving off in the way of the hospital.

“I'm on my way, please take care of Y/n for me.”

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

He was cooking whenever he noticed a number calling him, being the man he is, he obviously declined the call.

He hadn't seen the number and assumed it was a spam caller, so he chose to ignore it and decline the call. It wasn't until the number called a second time that he realized this wasn't a spam caller, so he picked up and got off to hang up if anything felt off or suspicious.

“Hello, are we speaking with Kim Seungmin?” A female voice asked from the other end, Seungmin felt uneasy and took a look at the contact information, seeing that it had the name of “Local Hospital”

Seungmin’s initial and continued thought was, of course, ‘scammer’ but he let the call proceed. “Yes, this is Kim Seungmin.” he responded.

“Okay, if it's okay for me to take a few minutes of your time, I would like to talk to you about some comments regarding L/n Y/n.”

Now Seungmin's mind went to ‘blackmailer’ and he was about to hang up the call when the same female voice continued.

“So, L/n has sprained their ankle while playing a sport, and it's not serious but it will take quite a bit to recover, so we wanted to know your relationship with the patient because they've got you listed as an emergency contact.”

Seungmin stayed silent, not because he was suspicious of any activity, but because he was genuinely concerned and trying to come up with the best thing to do in this scenario.

“I'm her boyfriend, could I have a few more details on their injuries?” Seungmin questioned, leaning over to pick up his shoes and slide them on, packing a bit of the pasta that he had been preparing and picking up his car keys.

“As mentioned, they sprained their ankle while they were playing some sort of sport, the theory is that they had landed badly on their leg and the pressure caused a bone malfunction causing the result of a sprain.”

“Okay, thank you very much, I'll be on my way.”

Seungmin thanked the nurse and despite his quiet and calm demineer, he was literally screaming and panicking on the inside.

[blasphemecel]

Michael Kaiser — Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 1.3k TYPE: Angst, Post-break up WARNING(S): Don't read if you're sensitive to medical stuff, also tw for KAISER-TYPICAL MELODRAMA

“Are you fucking kidding me? That just sounds made up.”

“Sir,” the doctor, who’s been having to deal with Kaiser acting like the hospital is a debate club for the past fifteen minutes, says. Then he lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. In all honesty, he does not want to deal with this. “While there’s an existing argument about the classification of broken heart syndrome, it is a real thing that happens. And you have it as we’ve deduced.”

“I don’t have health problems,” Kaiser says. Of course, those words fly out of his mouth without trouble even when Ness had to call an ambulance on him and everything, since he looked like he was on the brink of death today at practice. “Much less from bullshit reasons like a broken heart.”

“You don’t need to take it literally. That’s just the name. The trigger for the stress varies from case to case.”

Kaiser hopes his defensive statement didn’t reveal anything too personal, and decides to throw off any suspicion by staring down at his lap while frowning like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. At least the doctor doesn’t seem to care because he’s not prying for unnecessary details. Not yet, anyway.

“For how long have you been ignoring the symptoms?”

“I haven’t been ignoring anything,” Kaiser says.

Sure, he was dizzy a few (many) times and short of breath, and disregarded it. And while he can sense the tightness and pain in his chest each time, a recurring physical and tangible ache, Kaiser interprets the experience as some kind of metaphor for the figurative stabbing he was a victim of. The arrhythmia is a natural indignant response to whenever your irritating face pops up in his imagination, since you’re the perpetrator.

All this over some shitty break up. While it’s stupid for someone whose career is in sports to shrug off such obvious signs, until today Kaiser never truly thought it was serious enough to warrant such an overreaction from his body. You shouldn’t have this much power over him. He’s going to kill you next time he sees you for doing this to him.

He’s deep in denial and the grave he’s been digging with his stupid lies is shallow in contrast, inefficient. Can’t even deceive himself.

“It’s most common in people over fifty.”

Kaiser rolls his eyes. “Thanks. I really needed to hear that.”

“What I’m saying is, I assume you’ve been ignoring this for some time and it escalated to a bad attack. So, do you recall if you’ve gone through severe stress recently? Anything traumatizing even, either physically or mentally? When was it? If you could be exact, that’d be helpful.”

Traumatizing? Traumatizing? Is this man fucking kidding him right now?

Kaiser stares at the doctor as if he’s the stupidest person alive. Forget a person, he is a bug for such a suggestion. Through grit teeth, he relents, “There was something two weeks ago. By the way, it wasn’t traumatizing! That’s ridiculous.”

What’s even more absurd is the notion Kaiser wouldn’t know how much time has passed with perfect accuracy. Fourteen days he hasn’t been sleeping well, hugging his pillow and crying like a loser, cursing you, wanting you back, both a worshipper and a heretic.

What was he feeling at that moment, when you broke things off? Was it overwhelming anger which got him to this point? Though he’s been reliving the moment over and over, Kaiser still can’t identify it. Just something intense zapping him through his veins, a devastating shock, a surge of adrenaline. But surely it was resentment at your audacity to throw him away like disposable trash? He doesn’t like the thought that he’s been so pathetically sad, he got sick because of it, so this is what he’ll go with.

Thinking about it is enough to make him start picking at the skin on his neck like he’s trying to peel the ink off. It’s almost vile. At least he retains the common sense not to squeeze it in front of a medical professional who can send him away to a psych ward with ease.

The doctor, too, looks at Kaiser like he is an insane person. Good thing they pay him enough for this — otherwise, he doesn’t know how he’d deal with having a strange man with a bizarre haircut give him attitude over his diagnosis when it should be reserved for his barber or whoever is responsible.

“Two weeks ago, okay,” he says, writing it down. “Lucky for you, this is temporary and reversible unlike most other things we checked you for. You’ll be fine in about two months with the treatment.”

“So, like I thought, it’s not a big deal. I can still play football, right? Don’t need to lay off or anything?” Kaiser asks.

The doctor sighs. Again. He wants to measure the circumference, thickness and density of Kaiser’s skull. “You’re not listening,” he says, clearly exasperated, but still trying to exert patience. “Your heart is weak and not functioning properly at the moment. You can’t immediately jump back into living the way you usually do. It’s still serious no matter what you say and it can cause complications.”

Kaiser makes an annoyed expression like this is all one big inconvenience rather than a threat to his quality of life. “Are you serious? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“I’m honored you seem to think I’m a hilarious comedian, sir, since this is your nth time asking, but it’s not the case,” he says levelly.

“Don’t get clever with me.”

A sharp inhale through the nose and the doctor’s back on track, maintaining a feeble grasp on his inner peace, at least enough not to snap. Then, after this brief recollection, he reaches out to grab something, then holds it up. It’s a picture that looks either like an abortion-to-be or a black and white photo of lasagna… maybe. “This is your heart.”

Kaiser almost forgot about the ultrasound or whatever since he was strung out and sedated- relaxed throughout that whole ordeal. At the sight of it now, always theatrical, he decides the best course of action is to wrinkle his nose and say ‘eww,’ even though he’s not squeamish. But treating the matter seriously means admitting he has a problem, and he can’t have that.

The doctor pretends he can’t hear anything and points at the relevant area with his finger to illustrate the crux of the matter better. “You have apical ballooning. Do you get it? Even if it’s temporary, you can’t treat it lightly. So-”

Kaiser tunes out the rest of the explanation. Blah, blah, he could harm himself, very original. His gaze is stuck on the echocardiogram, though, and this time he’s nauseous for real, the tiniest bit. It strikes him as particularly ugly and deformed. Organs are repulsive to begin with, anyway, but this… thing is his, and he’s seeing it now. In any case, nothing so disgusting is worth loving or treating with care.

Is this how you’ve come to see him? What does Kaiser look like in your eyes? Ugly and maladjusted on the inside? Someone who likes laughing at other people’s misery, but can’t take even the slightest puncture? So out of touch with his emotions — and of his own volition —, he’s started experiencing them in the most visceral way possible. His desire for you: torment, a disease.

Would you find him dramatic? Maybe, but at least you’d make him laugh and smile and anything else his troubled mind has decided he needs at the moment, from you alone. Doesn’t matter, though. He’s not privy to that kind of thing, not anymore.

There’s a sting in his eyes and Kaiser wipes away his tears with a hasty swipe, though a few more stream down his cheeks. He doesn’t even know what he’s crying about again.

The doctor observes the display with the distanced apathy of someone who’s watched people die and shit themselves.

He gets discharged with a prescription and elaborate instructions on how to go about his physical activities until it’s deemed he’s fully healed at the later check-ups.

Great. Pitiful.

___

What's funny is that Y/n's probably having a good day while all this is going on

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law: fear of closeness and touch part 2, the extended edition

Writing another post about it, because I have a lot of thoughts I need to organize for myself. This time it will be more like my interpretation about Law and his relationships with people than about the touch itself. And also I forgot one of the most crucial scenes about the topic (because ofc I would forget something so important), so I will start with it:

The last touch he remembers from Flevance is hiding under the pile of corpses, cold dehumanized bodies, treated like trash. No one wanted to touch them, just like no one wanted to be touched by Law. How poetic that Law escaped Flevance with a death sentence while hiding among the dead, because he will be treated like he's dead to the world from now on.

This reminds me of a manga I once read, Shigeshoushi (The Embalmer). It's about a guy whose job is embalming the dead, and he is ostracized, feared and refused by people as a result. Contact with death and dead bodies is taboo in Shinto and folk culture of Japan in general. If you think it's a thing of the past, I reccommend to watch Okuribito (Departures), it's really good and this topic is at the heart of the movie.

Anyway, back to the manga, warning for spoilers. Situation escalates to the point when the only human touch the guy can get is that of him handling the corpses for his job and that really messes up with his mental health. His despair leads him to engage himself in risky situations just to get by, casual sexual encounters with strangers become the only form of intimacy he can get and he soon gets addicted to it, but it still lacks the emotional warmth and love he desperately craves, so it's never enough for him. Of course to even get those encounters he has to lie about his job and whenever his lie gets exposed and he is confronted about it, forced to listen to all those women blaming him, feeling disgusted by what he forced on them (it was never forced, but suddenly it's unwanted after they learn he embalms dead bodies every day), and it just triggers and deepens his trauma.

I wonder if you can tell where I'm going with this comparison. Law is definitely as starved for touch and love as the main protagonist is. Still, I don't believe Law would become hypersexual (tho that's just my personal impression, especially after he so blatantly refused Monett), but most importantly unlike the main character Law would definitely not desperately beg for the touch. It's just not how Law is, he doesn't like to impose himself on others if he absolutely doesn't have to. Not to mention he can't bear asking openly for help or for anything really, not after the Vergo incident. It was the last time he ever begged for something.

Law seems to be the type to neglect his own needs to the point that he makes stupid and reckless decisions based on his fear of losing people (callback to Wano and imprisoned Hearts). When people dear to him are in danger, his first instinct is to rush and help them unless he's completely immobilized. That's the level of "prioritizing other people's safety and needs" he believes in, he would do it every time, but he hates when people do it for him. Mostly because he deeply believes Corazon got hurt because of him, and Corazon gave him all that love Law was starving for. And Law believes Cora-san finally died for it.

Add his trauma of expecting people to not want to be touched by him into the equation. That's why he has problems expressing his own need for love (and touch) from that point onward. He acts so tough, doesn't allow himself to show weakness and will definitely never ask for love, he learned his lesson on that.

But what about Heart Pirates? They love him! He clearly protects and deeply cares for them, but in each scene he is with them, not counting Bepo, he keeps them at a distance. I do believe Law treats his crew more or less on equal terms, he favours freedom after all, but their relationship is restricted by his fear and makes it significantly more asymmetrical than the one Luffy has with his crew. I do think Penguin and Shachi are more important to Law than the rest of his crew, they're best friends, they've formed the Heart Pirates together, but he doesn't allow them to be on touchy feely basis with him. That's reserved for Bepo. Bepo is basically the last safe haven Law allowed himself to have up until Strawhats happened.

Law at Sabaody creates three new bonds with people: with two supernovas and Jean Bart. The latter he takes into his crew and I believe it's because Jean Bart has no other place to go, especially with Marines and Pacifistas running around the island. It's possible Law does it all the time and his crew (beyond the original four) got expanded because of that.

Law's bond with Kid started on a wrong foot, not only Kid judges Law based on prejudice and "bad rep" flying around about him, he also accussed him of lack of manners (triggering a flashback to Vergo), all in Law's hearing range. It's not really surprising later on Law doesn't want to owe Kid a favour by letting Kid take care of the Marines. Law clearly doesn't want to be indebted to someone who feels disgust towards him (I don't think Kid is disgusted by him, but that's what Law thinks at this point). And even after Wano it seems Law made sure that they're even, none is indebted to the other. For Law it was just a temporary alliance, he kept his distance, they didn't end up becoming friends.

Last new bond Law created was with Luffy. It started indirectly at first, Luffy was defending his fishman friend. Things said about Hatchan triggered a trauma response in Law ("Don't come closer! Disgusting! He will spread diseases!"), in my headcanon freezing him in the spot. But Luffy defended his friend and indirectly also Law by punching the Celestial Dragon, in similar fashion to Corazon defending Law by punching the doctors spouting similar prejudice about amber lead syndrome.

Law thanked Luffy for that and he felt safe doing so, after all what Luffy did was never directed at Law himself, but the gratitude must have confused Luffy to no end (Why is that guy thanking me? I didn't do anything for him!). Law didn't mind this bond at this moment exactly because it was so indirect, as a result he allowed himself to interact with Luffy and even took the first step, probably thinking it will lead to nothing. But he would never do it if not for Luffy's indirect impact on Law. If that's the expected level for casual bonds Law has set up, I doubt many occassions appeared for that before. It just shows he avoids people as a general rule, period.

But things changed after they left the auction house. Law is displeased with Kid, only telling him not to order him around and refusing to even talk with him, but his dynamic with Luffy is completely different, he doesn't feel bad about it despite being treated like accomplice in the whole Celestial Dragon incident.

He even allows himself to tease him a bit. There's no bad air between them. It almost feels like Law feels more emotionally available despite them being strangers, or rather exactly because they're strangers here and Law thinks they will also leave as strangers, which gives him the freedom to be more open.

They fought together, mostly by accident, but for Luffy that's enough to already feel a bit attached to Kid and Law. He declares he's after One Piece, implying from now on they will be rivals.

That doesn't earn him any response from Law. In fact, he just smirks and retreats without a word.

There are multiple possible reasons for his reaction here, but one of them is important right now: if Law said anything, he would acknowledge that bond, that of being a rival to Luffy. He didn't want it, in fact he wanted them to remain strangers, with no lingering attachments. That's why, when he got offered Luffy's friendship (disguised as rivalship, mind you), he turns back and retreats.

That's his answer. Later in Amazon Lily he also ends up retreating without even waiting for Luffy to say his thanks.

And how ironic that the next time they see each other it's Law who ends up extending his hand, not once, but twice: first by saving Luffy's life by risking his own, and second time by proposing alliance. I can only imagine Luffy's surprise: he got rejected before, but now it's Law himself proposing it! And what a funny guy he is, he doesn't need to offer friendship, because for Luffy they're already friends, after all didn't Law save his life? Law though just needed help, but wouldn't ask for it directly, because we know he never does that anymore, so instead he offered a bait. Frankly he didn't need to, Luffy would do anything he wanted him to anyway. Luffy ofc thought the alliance is a fun idea, but in the end he accepted it because it's Law who needed it to be an alliance, he wouldn't accept help otherwise. Also alliance felt impersonal and safe, without the need to be emotionally open.

There's so many seperate frames of Law just staring and thinking upon their reunion. He's conflicted. Also at this point their relationship changed, whether Law wanted it or not. He was there when Luffy lost Ace, saw him breaking down, definitely thought they now share something in common: they both lost people who were the dearest to them. I'm also sure he could see through Luffy's smile, he knew there's no way he would be already "okay" after just two years.

Unusual whimsical frame of Luffy. He closed his eyes, not listening to the words spoken, but instead listening to his own heart. He knows he needs to kidnap Caesar, that's what Law asked him to do, but Luffy doesn't just want to do what he's told, he wants to make sure the person he is doing it for is happy. It's a callback to Luffy's deepest regret: leaving Sabo with his family, assuming things would be better this way, without making sure first if that's something that would make Sabo actually happy.

Ever since Luffy does this double-check-for-no-regrets for all of his friends and crewmates. He follows Nami to Arlong Park and waits patiently in case she actually needs help. She questions Kyros' choice and goes to all the way to Rebecca to the castle just to ask her if she's really fine with staying seperated from her dad. And he does it here as well. Would kidnapping Caesar make Law actually happy, Luffy wonders. And probably thinks back to their previous encounter, in Sabaody, and Law's mysterious line after Luffy punched the Celestial Dragon: "Thanks Strawhat, you showed me something interesting". And Luffy found his answer and it's this:

Punching Caesar. Apparently Luffy did something right in Sabaody and he thinks it was about the punching, so he does it again now as well. Ofc he wants to punch Caesar anyway, but he does pause before doing that, he actually doesn't jump for it straightaway, it's AFTER he thinks about it. Luffy decided this is what would make Law actually happy, despite going against the plan. Luffy didn't believe following Law's plan will actually make Law happy, but punching his enemies will.

And yet Law doesn't look happy, but let's look more closely to his body languague. He turns around, doesn't declare his unhappiness directly to Luffy's face, he's making an emotional retreat again despite shouting. He's giving mixed signals. So was Luffy wrong?

Law is trying to hide his smile. Making sure no one notices. He's trying to maintain the distance and remain cold, but seems it's working less and less efficiently.

I will let you decide it for yourselves whether Luffy was right or wrong in the end.

There is more nuance about this I didn't even touch yet, for example the drastic gap between Marines fearing Law and calling him a monster, and Stawhats (minus Luffy), at first fearful and suspicious of Law, but it took them like 5 minutes to change their mind and trust him just like Luffy did.

In Dressrosa Law declares that, deep in his heart, he actually also wants to kick Doflamingo's butt. Luffy doesn't even act surprised upon hearing that. Of course, he knew already, Law didn't even have to say it.

While in Dressrosa Law attempts to break the alliance, send off half the Strawhats to safety and despite barely being able to move himself he takes care of Luffy in the final countdown. Almost like he already treats them like his own crew, keeping them safe. If you ask me, someone got attached. And the pinnacle of it is when Law shares with us that he aims to either live or die with Luffy (not die for him, unlike Luffy's own crew declaring in this arc). That's the best he could offer and he knows how much it's painful when someone dies *for you*, he wouldn't inflict that pain on Luffy again, not when he knows Luffy thinks of him as a friend.

And finally in Wano Law finally opens up more and lashes out at Strawhats, just like he did at Corazon. He no longer feels the need to emotionally distance himself all the time, or keeping it all bottled up behind a stoic cold facade and impersonal "alliance". That's how he shows his worry and affection, he considers them his responsibility in Wano.

He also admits for the very first time his fear of losing people. "The plan isn't worth anyone dying" (in this case - Zoro dying). He allows himself to trust and to be vulnerable.

If you think Law is torn about his growing connection with Strawhats, then you're thinking the same as me. He allowed himself to get attached and he didn't want to initially.

Is it really alright if I touch you too…? (ready to retreat his hand at any moment he senses it's unwanted after all)

His words are often rough and cold, but his actions speak for themselves. He trusts the Strawhats by this point, they're his second crew, and he would do the same for them he would do for his Hearts.

And now he has a problem, he gained more people he is afraid of losing. New friends.

[yakumtsaki]

AND WE'RE BACK. My cancerous thyroid might have briefly cucked me, but now I'm about to cuck every goddamn semi-incestuous couple in this house. Isn't that right, Baby?

-CAWK CAWK

Exactly! Baby here is a parrot that Meadow rolled the want for and I was like sure, what problems could a parrot possibly cause?

-OPEN THIS DOOR. SOMEONE OPEN THIS DOOR FOR ME. OPEN IT RIGHT NOW OPEN IT OPEN IT

Um it should open automatically for you wtf?

-OPEN THE DOOR, MAMMAL TRASH, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

Ok Baby seriously why won't the doors open for you?

-I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL STAY HERE AND PREVENT EVERYONE FROM GOING TO CLASS BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO USE THE OTHER DOOR

Alright then, clearly there's only one solution to this..

Perfection.

-Um, what happened to the door?

-IT ASKED TOO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS. OUT OF THE WAY, HUMMIE SCUM

Well, Baby was clearly a much needed addition to this house. Now, to the main event: an end to the Year of Sin!

NOP, NEVERMIND, SPOKE TOO SOON, MUST DO THIS INSTEAD. We invite Good Witch over for Spice and she asks to bring a friend and it's FUCKING MALCOLM. LMAO. I simply have to, I can't resist-

-Well well well, if it isn't the famous Malcolm Landgraab IV, the finest intergenerational concubine the world has ever seen!

-Huh?

-You were too much of a straggot to date my father, but I know you won't be able to resist the charms of the much better looking son!

-What?

-God, the conversation is just crackling with sexual tension!

-So, Malc, I believe we should make out. Thoughts?

-Where are those fucking butterflies coming from?

-Your stomach? ;)

No, they're from the Good Witch, my bad y'all.

After many, MANY hours of talking, Malcolm finally accepts a lame wolf whistle-

-but our efforts are interrupted by Felina returning from class. WILL YOU GIVE IT A FUCKING REST FOR ONE DAY

-NEVER

-Sorry kid, but if Malcolm Landgraab is to ever consider bisexuality, it will be for someone who can beat up his own sister.

Wtf kinda rule is that you freak?? You know what, just gtfo-

-NO. Stay here, Malcolm, I'd like to hear stories about you and great-great grandma Victoria!

-Oh wow, now that was a real woman. She could hold her liquor, she could whore around, she could beat up anyone.. No man could ask for anyone more feminine!

You are so right, Malcolm, the only one to ever do it better was Long John Silver!

Ok seriously Barth is there a plan here, why are we wasting valuable time on platonic interactions with this loser?

-I just have a feeling true love will prevail!

What are you even talking about-

UM PWND @ ME WTF. ACR DOES IT AGAIN WITH LITERAL NEGATIVE CHEMISTRY LOL

OH FUCK YES TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. Two Babies with one stone if you will!

-HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

Ya ok GROSS but finally we can put this behind us, 1 down, 200 more to go. Cyan go back to your other cousin-lover while you still can because I'm breaking you up too!

-Don't have to tell me twice!

Ugh.

-Hmmm...

What now, Barth.

-Nothing, I just keep forgetting I actually have two eyes.

Ya, you and me both.

-But now that I possess peripheral vision, I see there's so much to be done in this house.

You have set yourself on fire multiple times, please stop with the household tasks, that's why we have a butler.

-But he never actually does anything!

Yes well, his main job is to answer the door and we no longer have one, but it's still money well spent.

-WELL I WILL FIX THE DISHWASHER OR DIE TRYING

-BARTH NO I STILL LOVE YOU

-FUCK YOU SUNSET, YOU BROKE MY HEART BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE'S NOT EVEN RELATED TO YOU

Barth no offense but I think I'm ready for your next electrocution to take you out.

-As am I!

-And I!

-GETTING SLAPPED MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY IS STARTING TO AFFECT MY MENTAL HEALTH HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

You could stop being Satan incarnate?

-No, there has to be a better way!

-How about I sleep with the boyfriend of the only cousin in this house who doesn't already hate me?

Yes, absolutely, and please take another crack at fixing the dishwasher when you're done.

[rafeyswrd]

a quiet place . day one.

sweetheart pogue!reader x best friends!brother rafe cameron.

SUMMARY: all you wanted was to spend a day work free. a tragic expectation really, when the screeching and dreadful screams sounded through the island. and after painful trudges and sour wounds, it didn’t take long to figure out that all you needed to do was stay quiet — and simultaneously take care of a terrified and overly scared cameron.

WARNINGS. teeny mention of reader being shorter than rafe. wounds. blood. violence. gore. mean!reader ( she’s scared okay 😞 ) . mention of mental & physical health issues. mentions of puking. insinuations of death. panicked rafe (?). probably unrealistic cat behavior. think that’s it!

WC. 1.8k

A/N. i don’t know if this writing style pleases anyone because a) first time writing in a while so maybe some mistakes, b) english is my second language, c) since i’m not used to writing from the second pov. please lmk if there’s anything to work on! since i catch myself writing unnecessary details many times lols

leave feedback please!! any interactions / reblogs are highly appreciated, i’d love to see where to continue with this ^_^

It was everywhere.

Blood. It was seeping through the drains embedded into the ground, a crimson layer running and carpeting the dirty tar roads. Your breath was irregular, hands clutching onto the sides of your shorts as you came face to face with the under mechanics of a car.

Screaming filled your ears, screams so agonising and dread filled it caused a rise of bile to race up and down your throat. And in a weak attempt to lessen the striking fear residing within, you scooted further beneath the car, watching from afar with hooded eyes as large claws dug into the floor with each heavy step it took.

“Help ME,” a man’s groans escaped him as he crawled near your feet, tugging at them harshly, “Please, help me!”

You let out a choked sob, his nails digging painfully into your ankles. No matter how lowly you plead, how creakingly you whisper for the man’s pleas to come to a halt, your begging fell to deaf ears, utterly ignored. And it was not until the man’s hands loosened on your foot, his body dragged by a creature so baring it knocked your breath out, did you finally throw your head back in relief.

The dirt and broken glass beneath you pierced the back of your shoulders, your chest rises and falls erratically as you scoot further away, only to realise the numbing planted in your ankles. Biting your lips, you pushed your body further up, feeling a tear slice through your muscles. As tears rolled down your swollen cheeks, your body glimpsed itself into sunlight once more.

Yet even then you could not let the louder sobs break free, not when the area was still crowded with ache laced yelling, not when you saw your flesh torn apart near your feet.

Your brows furrowed, watching in bittersweet anguish as she appeared.

Nona.

Your sweet cat Nona, who tiptoed around the glass to curl up near your hands, sniffing it before running the opposite direction. You look around, pushing your body up slowly as you limp near a wall, watching as she sneaks herself into a dark corner etched between two run-down buildings.

You trudged through, leaving a trail of blood behind you and you slid down behind a trash can, a lone tear cascading across your reddened face. Leaning up, you nibble firmly at your lips to prevent a fearful scream from leaving you at the sight of your damaged, flesh torn ankles and look around in distress when you take notice of your cat missing once more.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Nona was smart.

Being deaf did not prevent her from being the sweet support cat you were given at 14. She was a smart cat. Knowing what you needed, when you needed it – because sometimes your brain struggled to pick up signals of distress, sometimes it let you suffer until your hands seized and legs gave out.

And sweet Nona always knew how to take care of you.

So, as she trudged through the small town, she took a stop near a choking man lying on the edge of a lake. Water spurted from his swollen lips as he violently shook. Nona softly jumped on his chest, one, two, three times before his choking came to a sudden halt.

Rafe’s body shot up, breathing heavily as he pushed the rest of his body off the running water.

His face was wet -- tears or the water he was unsure of, but as he clenched his bloodied shirt, torn from the sides, he frantically glanced at the heavy weight planted on his chest. Rafe, for the first time that day, felt a sense of comfort wash over his battered body. The cat he loathed to see every time you would bring it over, sprawled in front.

It was an ugly thing in his opinion.

Furless, purely wrinkling pink skin and an unfortunate short tail. One of her eyes was crossed, and an ear was cut in half from God knows what.

He hated it, it made his skin crawl whenever he would sneakily watch you cuddled up with it on Sarah’s bed after a sleepover. But now, as he recognized the bright pink tag across her neck and the curled snarl that was directed towards him, Rafe allowed himself to gently pet Nona.

He glared when she pushed his hand away, standing before him, blinking once, and twice, before walking away.

Normally, reluctance would follow his senses but as he stared longer at the cat’s figure; your face painted his memory, hope flourishing within his chest, and he gulped at the thought of you all alone – or dead. He shook his head, gripping his head as his lips wobbled, you had to be okay. You just had to be. Even if it was just for his own sake.

1 minute turned to 5 and 5 soon turned to 12, until Rafe found himself standing 2 feet away from your agitated body. You were shaking, one leg bent as the other seemed to bleed through wrapped, white fabric that was ripped from the ruffles of your shirt. It had been the first time he’d seen you look so tired, so worn out and miserable and so out of your usual sunshine element; your smile lines disappearing with the deep downwards tug of your lips. It stung him, only slightly.

From the corner of your eyes, you sensed a figure watching over you, and you stilled. With gradual movements, you turned around, and a small smile drew itself upon your lips. Nona ran towards you, rubbing her head on your wounded foot, allowing you to grin.

Rafe watched intensely, eagerly moving near you and wincing when he saw you flinch; finally catching sight of his appearance. You clenched your jaw, gripping the garbage bin with force and limping yourself up. Clutching Nona in one hand and leaning on the trash with another, you straightened yourself enough to look at him with narrowed eyes, only to push past his shoulder and limp away. Mouthing a meek “go away.”

Though no matter how far you walked (attempted to), how far you tried to distance yourself from the Cameron boy, you eventually felt the heat of his body hit your back, causing you to trip forward and his lanky figure following you shortly.

Nona dropped to sit by your foot as your nails gripped onto a stone wall, a tear slipping as a crack emitted from your injured foot. Rafe’s rough hands found your waist, gripping you upwards with panicked eyes.

“I’m sor-” His pupils widened when your sweaty palms gripped at his chin, roughly pulling him forward before placing it on his lips.

Your stare was wide and filled with worry, swiftly glancing around with a frightened gulp. Rafe furrowed his brows, following your line of vision despite the bleak grip you have on his face. It was raining.

You tilted your head, the thought finally processed. Rafe’s distressed tone didn’t cause commotion, not a batted eye; and you tested the waters – “you need to leave.”

Rafe shook his head, “explain what’s going on,” his voice cracked, and despite the clench of his jaw or pursing lips you could tell he was beyond terrified. “Y/N/N you need to tell me-”

“Shh!” Your breath was rugged, and you shut your eyes momentarily before whispering, “Rafe, the survival ship that will take you away is on the other side of the island. I am not going to help you; I am looking for my family.”

Despite your erratic movements vigorously pointing to the street behind him, he stood firm before you. “N-no! You don’t get it, Y/N I-”

“Shut up,” your lips were swollen from how hard you bit them, glaring at Rafe, “Rafe. Please leave. They depart in less than 3 hours; I-I am not your stopping point for any sort of survival!” You were sure your face was red, though your anger came to a cut when his eyes welled up, and you can tell it took everything within him to prevent a tear from slipping by.

His upper body shook, “’m scared, okay.” He managed to grit out. “Just-just explain to me,” he sniffed, watching your hesitant gaze before adding, “please.”

You pouted, sighing next. Giving in despite every atom built up inside of you telling you not to.

Shaking your head, you licked your lips and stepped closer – a tactic you were sure lacked any intimidation points from how tall he stood. “Fine.” Shaking your head, you looked at him with a frown – unsure whether his emotions were a play of manipulation on your fragile state. “You cannot make any noise, you understand?”

He nodded, eye twitching and fists clenched. Rafe trembled with every inhale and exhale, observing you with hooded eyes, and he took in the sight of you — really took in how you looked, and the deep furrow of his brows relaxed ever so slightly. “I understand.” He spat out.

Actions that you wilfully decided to ignore, you didn’t care how hard it was for him to listen to you, or how manic he appeared; the last thing you needed was to take care of a man who ignored any help his way.

“I am going to my home Rafe; this is your last chance to leave.” Your whispers were getting dull, and breathing heavier, mixing with the rain taps surrounding you. Both of you were beyond wet, shivering and shaking intensely beneath the water drops.

He gulped and stared at you for an eerie minute before nodding once more, “okay.”

“Okay.” You breathe out, turning your aching body around, refusing to acknowledge his gaze – to which you do not want to decipher.

The train of thoughts had not paused once, reeling against the walls of your mind roughly. Rafe was beyond saving. He was an arrogant boy who had never taken your presence into accountability until he was forced to. A boy who made your friends lives hell, a boy whose father was the murderer of a man you cared for dearly.

You were unsure if Rafe would have ever helped you if your emotions were as brittle as his own, if you were coke crazed and panicked as he was, and you did not want to think much of it, knowing if you did, you’d quickly come to regret your decision.

TAGLIST. @hewwokitti @ihe4rttwd @haruvalentine4321 @ficslutt @kiiyomei @venomwh0re

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Deconstructing Dieter Bravo

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist I did a Deconstructing Dieter Bravo series for Destiny & Deliverance, so I thought it might be fun to continue that tradition with Closed Position since this Dieter does have some interesting things going on that we can delve deeper into.

I had several people comment/dm me about two things after the first chapter that I think would be fun to discuss further. Those were of course, Dieter’s plant hobby and the fluffy menace hanging around his house.

To most, these two things may seem very random and unrelated. However, they really aren’t. They do serve a bigger purpose to the story…because of course they do. When do I ever not have deeper meaning behind something, right? 😏

Plant Dad Dieter

First, I have included some more Dieter aesthetic pictures above that I had saved. It's a whole ✨vibe✨. Second, I must thank @readingiskeepingmegoing for coming up with the new #PlantDadDieter hashtag… because it’s so on point. I’m totally going with it! 💜

On to the good stuff...what have we learned about Dieter after the first installment? I think we can safely identify three things: he spends a lot of time alone, he feels misunderstood, and he doesn’t appear to have any deep or meaningful relationships. This will be a theme that comes up a lot with him, especially starting in Week 2 when we open with him having a chat with his therapist.

How does this relate to plants, you ask? Let’s start with Dieter’s history…the man has never had a real relationship. He’s never connected with anyone, whether that be friend or significant other. He was a party boy that indulged in the physical pleasures of life while avoiding any real intimacy. Most of his relationships were based on sex and favors. We will worry about why he is this way later, but for now, just know that’s where he's at emotionally.

Dieter has never really had a bond with anyone or anything. Now that he is sober and realizing how alone he is, he’s seeking that connection any way he can and doesn’t even really realize it (yet).

Sure, being a plantsman does have perks as it is relaxing and can have a positive impact on one’s mental health. However, it’s causing Dieter to learn how to care about something - how to be selfless and nurturing with his time. He has to put in a lot of effort to keep everything alive and healthy and he quickly realizes that putting in that time and energy makes him happy. Also, the plants don't judge him or his past.

Now, for some fun stuff because some of you asked…

Does Dieter talk to his plants? He 100% talks to the plants. He doesn’t know if it actually does anything, but he figures it can’t hurt to try. It also helps him feel less alone as he does see them as living things. They do breathe, eat, and drink after all.

Does Dieter name his plants? I’m inclined to say that he names his favorites. All the others just have random nicknames that change based on their appearance. Like...the "thirsty dramatic bitch" that gets weepy and needs to be watered and turned in the sunlight daily.

Dieter’s Furry Squatter

And let the collective aww's be heard! 🤭

So, I pulled a few pics from Pinterest of what I envision Dieter's furry little visitor looks like. I see it as an adorably fluffy young Maine Coon kitty.

👉 Fun Fact: "The name 'Maine Coon' was adopted after the state of the breed's origin, Maine, and after the early belief that the cat was in fact the result of crossing between domestic breeds and raccoons." (from VioVet)

Funny story, I did not know that fact before choosing this breed. It looks like it was meant-to-be for our loveable trash panda. 😂

Now, I am sure you're asking; how does the cat relate to the plants? The cat serves the same purpose when we think about Dieter's relationships...or lack thereof.

Again, Dieter is craving companionship. He is still reluctant, but this little nugget will eventually become a loving companion for him. It's another avenue for him to create an emotional connection with something. He will learn how to care for the kitty and build a bond. Though the little menace can be a bit sassy, like the plants, it also doesn't judge Dieter by his past. What do you think Dieter should name it? I'm taking suggestions in the comments. 😉

In an odd way, the plants and cat do help Dieter grow as a person. It's baby steps in his personal growth journey. Honestly, as Katrina gets to know Dieter on a more personal level, these are two things that she absolutely loves about him, mostly because it's two things that are unexpected and show what a sweetheart he really is. She sees the good in him even if he can't see it himself.

That's it for your little extra bit of insight...until next time.

💜Mysty

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, alcohol abuse, and drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Closed Position Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime  @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap

*If your blog name is marked out, it would not let me tag you. You will need to change your visibility settings for that to work going forward.

[callofdudes]

Been a while since I requested something, I shall grace this page with a request of being best friends with gaz headcanon please bestie 😊😊😊

Welcome back bestie 😊😊 I promise I'm working on all your other requests but mental health be doing backflips and I kinda feel like shit. I got some Gaz for you though.

Being best friends with Kyle "Gaz" Garrick.

Gaz is incredibly smart. If you look at his records his fighting reflex and knowledge is top chart stuff. But Gaz keeps it all very quiet. He doesn't boast about it like Soap would so when he does end up flipping heads on the enemy it's like "woah where did that guy come from-!"

Gaz uses this same skill to protect you. When you came to 141 Gaz was already settling. He had Ghost as a mentor and almost an older brother, and Soap as... Well he wasn't sure who he was supposed to be. But he had his team, and you seemed to easily click with Soap and Ghost.

Gaz wouldn't force you to be friends with him. Of course he introduced himself and you both talked occasionally but he didn't know if it was a friendship per say. And that was ok. He'd still protect you with his life any day of the week.

However you really did have intense feelings of friendship for Gaz. But you thought because of his quiet nature that he was closed off like Simon. Which in fact wasn't the case when you got him talking. He was just shyer than the others.

The first time you and Gaz really, properly hung out was on a quiet night at base, Gaz had finished his tasks and had nothing really to do. He enjoyed his time playing Dungeons and Dragons, (headcannon from @itsscromp) unfortunately he couldn't ever get the others to play. Ghost was too busy, Price wasn't fully interested, and Johnny just cared to cause chaos.

And then he noticed you were also done your work. "Well Kyle, there's no harm." And he went to ask you. And it went well. Turns out you wanted to play DND, and after playing for almost four hours together it solidified that.

And Gaz was really glad to have you as one of his few friends.

And now that you were friends you really did learn a lot more about him. Gaz would go down in a fire for you, no questions asked. Seems stupid but he specializes in VIP protection. You think he wouldn't protect you?? Think again. You're VIP to him. You all are.

Loves you a lot but is too shy to say it and think you'll get the wrong idea.

And look, you don't have skin that clear on the battlefield without having some kind of routine. This man looks after his skin like the temple his body is. (when he's not eating junk food.)

Yeah, your skin isn't cutting it for him. Sorry babes, get in the bathtub we are rinsing your hair and slapping some hydration on that forehead because Gaz knows you are gone need it to be crawling around the musty dusty desert with him.

Now, Knight is openly queer, so you know Gaz is a little spice of life as well. He keeps it under wraps and isn't as open about it in his career because he doesn't think you guys need to know and or he's met people in past expanses that didn't take so kindly to him being open about it.

He's the gay best friend, it's not overbearing. You know how most gay men are just different in a fun way. That's Gaz but he has it toned down so at first you couldn't tell and then it just clicked and you were like "woah". But you can kinda tell there just, there a something there you thinks.

You gotta keep him out of trouble to. You have to be his discernment. He's got relationship smarts but if he's even remotely cute and no good, time for bestie to step in. Sorry Gaz, not today. Your bestie is not letting you get yourself into that mess.

His gun does most of the talking and he carries a side arm so if anyone gives you smoke their gonna get got.

He's smart but also the silent, immediately jumps to using his gun conclusion guy. So if someone bullies you in the grocery store he pulls out his gun and you've gotta be like "Woah woah, not necessary mate, nooot necessary 😅😅"

Hates trash reality TV but watches it anyway. Drags you into the torture as well.

He spills the tea. He spills it always. He sometimes just walks around quietly not taking up too much air and hearing conversations and by the end of it he's got so much to tell you.

Not quite sure what I think Gaz's childhood looked like but I assume he didn't have too many friends. I could see him as the shy kid who focused more on academics and played in the trees of his backyard alone over having a boat load of friends.

So when you do things like buy him stuff or give him cuddles and affection he has this epiphany. Like this is what I've been missing!

Your comfort and affection is something he truly loves so much, but the house and traditions he grew up with weren't the most overly affectionate, and in his career there wasn't much cuddling with the homies in his unit either.

Yeah you give him cuddles he's like a leach, he'll leave when he wants to leave and only when. And he likes to sometimes cling on by surprise. When he becomes so comfortable around you he'll often waltz into your office and wrap his arms around your neck from behind, watching what you're doing.

"You done yet??"

"I'll tell you when I'm done ok?"

"Ok...... Y/n??"

"Not all of us are as fast as you at paperwork y'know"

"Sorry."

You take Gaz and Soap on adventures together and you still can't wrap your head around hos they're friends. Completely chaotic, loud and chipper faced with slightly annoyed at the loudness, just as chaotic on the inside and together you get one big Gaz Soap salad. Sticking them in a car for five hours together was a mistake for your sake.

Gaz doesn't open up about his feelings a lot, but look at you 😄 look at you helping him to open up and ask for help. To ask for the care that he needs when things get tough for him.

He was alone before that terrorist attack where he met Price and that was s very scary time for him. Looking back on it from his place in 141 Gaz was much more scared on the field then than he is now. Probably because he's got a team he knows he'll always be able to trust and confide in.

That's the best part of having you as a friend. He can confide in you with anything. And knowing him, you can also confide in him. Whatever secrets you tell him are lock and key baby. He won't tell a single soul.

Gaz tried to do all the things you've done for him, for you. When you need someone to give you a hug or some cuddles Gaz will do his best to comfort you and show you that same infectious love and care.

Whenever you have a nightmare he's right there for you. Wrapping his arms around you to keep you steady, holding you up when you can't.

He'll always try.

Celebrates your accomplishments as well. When you get promoted or a medal, hell when you do everything he's on your sideline cheering. And it's like his shyness is gone when he sees his friends receiving praise for something. He'll cheer louder than everyone in the room for you all.

But the one thing your friendship isn't above is England. If you diss on England, or their football, prepare to get got. Tickle attacks or hitting you with a pillow as punishment.

At the end of the day three of your friends are British and one of them is Scottish which starts petty squabbles between Gaz and Soap sometimes. It's all playful but sometimes Soap wants to start some shit and you end up having to try and separate them before they wrestle each other to death.

And there is probably so much more I'm missing, but remember. Whenever you need someone to watch your six, Gaz is already there. Whenever you need someone you can spend some quiet time with when things get overwhelming, you know where to find Gaz. And when life gives you bullshit. Gaz has a Glock.

[heinzpilsner]

Hmm, while there is a grain of truth in the popular zutarian take on "Southern Raiders" ("Aang is preachy and Zuko cares for Katara's feelings"), reading this episode as an evidence that Zuko is a right partner for Katara still doesn't sit quite well with me (and I'm a zutara trash, mind you!)

The problem with this ep in general is what it mixes too many complex topics together, and it becomes difficult to entangle the mess.

Basically, Aang was wrong talking in terms of "revenge" and "forgiveness" and "Jet" and "Appa" instead of "Katara's mental health", but he was right in his general concern. Hatred is not some precious right a person needs to hold on. It's a destructive feeling which is better to manage adequately for the sake of a person's own well-being.

But wait, someone may ask, isn't that exactly what Zuko was offering? To help Katara manage her hatred?

Well, yes and no. Yes, he was trying. No, this wasn't a good way to achieve it.

What many people don't seem to understand is that you don't need to confront the actual physical person you hate to deal with your hatred. Quite the opposite, actually. It's the person's imprint within your psyche what keeps destroying you from inside, and facing the person himself doesn't dissipate this imprint magically. It will only make things worse (*the only exception is when the both sides are genuinely interested in fixing things between them). You need to work with the imprint, and it's much easier to achieve when an object of your hatred is physically distant. No matter what kind of person you are, or what your moral/religious beliefs are, this is universal.

(It's a complex psychological topic I'm not really an expert on, so I'm not gonna go into much detail here. I'll just say what therapists have their ways to work with it).

I suspect Aang intuitively realized the problem, but with him being a 12-year-old monk and not having the needed skills or categorical apparatus, "forgiveness" was the best approximation to a right solution he could think of (I have no way of proving it though, so take it with a grain of salt as well as this whole post in general, lol).

While some idealization (and a lot of preaching) on Aang's part may have taken place, he saw "Katara's inner darkness" for what it was - a self-destructive tendency. She may think confronting Yon Rha is what she needs (although before Zuko introduced the idea, she didn't even think of the possibility), but it wouldn't be good for her. Sometimes, your loved ones are not right. Sometimes, they're about to hurt themselves. And it's not disrespectful to try and dissuade them from this (You'd think post-redemption Zuko of all people would agree with the sentiment).

Now, Zuko. While it's not his fault by any means I'm looking at you royal family, the way he dealt with the problem wasn't exactly the healthiest (or most selfless, as some people insist). He meant well, but offered a wrong method, and held on this specific method because it was something he personally could help Katara with. "It's the same as doing nothing!" - these are the words that kinda gave him away. I suspect it's not Katara's revenge or justice he was so passionate about, but his own chance of action. He was desperate for it. He didn't even stop to listen to her brother's and best friend's perspective, because it was interfering with his opportunity to be helpful, to be on the same side as Katara. In general, when your partner is too eager to side with you against your loving family, it's not a good sign, even when the family isn't perfect. (Well, okay, Aang's spectacularly poor choice of words had something to do with it as well. And where were you, Sokka-with-the-beard, when you were most needed?)

No one really offered a better practical solution to Katara's problem than Zuko though, that's the sad truth. And to be fair, after Katara had agreed to his plan enthusiastically, where was no better option for him than to go with it, I guess.

But... The bar was so low that offering nothing in the first place would be a better solution than this, honestly. Because no matter what the actual script of the episode says, I don't think this "life-changing field trip" would realistically do much good for Katara and result in her forgiveness. I think it would only hurt her more and would add to her list of irrational reasons to hate Zuko.

It may hurt, but as Katara herself made clear, there was nothing Zuko really could do at this point to help her or earn her forgiveness. It was something out of his control. He had to accept this and keep trying to do the right thing, simple as that.

I'm still a zutara trash, but not thanks to their interaction in this episode, I have to conclude.

(I guess what I'm really saying is that all those kids just need their therapy, lol)

Still typing on my phone and ignoring tumblr notifications. I wonder If anyone reads this at all lol

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 24 thoughts

this episode was quite spooky. because cannibalism is real. but something about scully about to get her head chopped off and boiled seemed more outlandish than all the aliens and the guy that kills people with his shadow or even lizard man eugene tooms!

which is strange. because those things are pretty outlandish! maybe its because it was so much scarier than even evil lizard men.

let’s jump in:

so this is an episode involving more meat. did we need more meat, after the earlier meat processing content in s2 episode 10? many are saying no. but not chris carter!

we begin at a dirt road at night. in the state of arkansas. we have an older man and a younger woman named paula in a car, which is not suspicious at all! /s

oh and now the old man choking? is this natural or did she induce it with some poison. i mean maybe he deserved it, if she did. he takes some pills, so I’m guessing it is due to natural causes. now she beckons him out to the woods. 

into the woods. she says he has to catch her. is she luring him into a Bigfoot trap? we have yet to really see Bigfoot, and maybe he’s hungry. although Bigfoot is more Pacific Northwest than Arkansas, i think.

author's note: we tested negative for bigfoot in this episode :(

oh! this man tripped and is now surrounded by people with flashlights and very cool masks. get axe murdered, fucker.

back in DC! aforementioned fucker has been gone for 10 weeks and scully thinks the higher ups are sending them on a wild goose chase. “i’m not questioning the legitimacy of the case, just their motives in assigning it to us” <- damn, very well spoken by a rightfully suspicious woman

oh, but at the scene, someone saw a fire. and mulder says the fire is “supposed to be the spirits of massacred Indians” OH...

(mentally i was like, please do not be another scary Indigenous story episode. and we did in fact get that. sighs deeply. we can make things scary without making Indigenous people the scary ones! or using the trauma of genocide as a setting for spooky time! well, i'm sure you, dear reader, know that, so i shall not preach to the choir, but i will point out that these thoughts were going through my mind)

“these are only legends, mulder”, says a dismissive scully. and why is her hair looking excellent today. I mean not that it isn’t usually but damn. shoutout to the hair and makeup team.

the place on the side of the road where he went missing had a big fire! could be a bonfire, both parties thought. until mulder remembered a documentary he saw in college...

(hehehehe mulder spent college watching documentaries <3)

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! wow it's been a while since i've gotten to format some text like that. he watched a documentary about an insane asylum in college and it gave him nightmares.

(and this may not be super relevant to his character, but to ME, it is, so i shall note it <3)

he's got the VHS from the doc all loaded up, and presses play on a guy rambling about a fire demon!! who was found in the same spot as the fire mark!!! dun dun dunnn 

(love the implication that he either purchased his own copy of the documentary that gave him nightmares in college, or had to go rent it from the video store. both are wonderful possibilities)

cut to arkansas. mulder is on the scene holding a plastic fork from the ground. wearing his silly sunglasses. lmaooo idk why they make me laugh. what a serious gentleman.

sheriff arrives at the scene. he says the witch’s peg to ward off spirits is normal there and also that the fire mark comes from illegal trash burning. and, as an American i am aware of how Americans love an illegal trash burn. but still. suspicious.

sheriff says the missing man george was chasing women out of town. lovely sounding fellow /s

wife questioning time!! he left her years ago. oh, but tea: the day before he went missing he was going to cite major health violations in the chicken plant! hmm... a cause for murder?

mulder gives the wife his phone number. also mulder is also looking very good today. but that is an evil voice in my head that ought to be silenced.

noooo, it's chicken plant time. no thank you ma’am, i would be out in the car <3

paula from the woods at work in the plant!!! taking mystery pills. seemingly in pain??

chicken cutting cam. oh, this is not for me! 

the agents chat with the manager, who says george was trying to shut them down. and while clocked in, paula is sweating. she just gasped in front of a whole bunch of chickens and some guy with very blue eyes. she sees a human head on the chicken stand and picks it up and throws it off. shoutout to this fake decapitated head and my best friends in the prop department for making such a funny creation.

(but of course, it was a hallucination, and she really just threw a poor chicken on the floor!!! his sacrifice was in vain... gone but not forgotten)

mulder is inspecting the chicken gutting operation and i've said it before and i'll say it again: he is braver than me. 

ohh, more chicken drama: george was filing a lawsuit about “line hypnosis” and it was dismissed before he vanished! he deserved to win. is there a meat processing union? there ought to be. but he was the only one citing bad health practices, the other 3 workers said it was fine... sooo what’s the truth…

“what’s that” asks mulder, who then gets shown the feed processor, and asks “chickens feed on chickens?” <- heartbreaking realization. many of us remember where we were when learning this information. i'm sure it will stick with him forever. and i'm frankly surprised he didn't know already.

NAURRR THE SLUDGE AND BLOOD nasty nasty evil

OH plot twist: paula is holding the manager with a knife to his throat… scully telling everyone to calm down. personally i would be not calm. she said “don’t get excited” but me? experiencing an active hostage situation at my place of work? i would be excited

NOOO the sheriff shot her and she fell into the feed conveyor belt processing… thing. sheriff i KNOW you are covering something up. you will not hide from me.

SHE GETS GULPED INTO THE FEED BELT THINGY GAGGG it’s giving the jungle by upton sinclair that caused many american 8th graders to confront the corruption of the meat industry

paula had gone to the doctor about headaches… like george!!! doctor had assumed the condition was stress induced. and they did have similar symptoms. 

treated them both with codine… ain’t that a bit strong?? this man doesn't seem to be a very good doctor, tbh. i mean i don't think the guy that works at the chicken plant to sew back on fingers needs to be an expert in everything but like. codine for headaches? umm girl.

mr. chaco of chaco’s chicken was paula’s grandfather… if i was a grandfather rich off of chicken money, my grandkids would not be working the processing line, let me tell u that much!

back to the agents: these two should not be looking as good as they do in a chicken processing plant. they had to really step it up today to compensate for the horrors of the set.

chicken man lives in a mansion. further evidence of corruption. paula, i would not have had you working in such conditions if i was your grandfather. there has been a deep wrong here, i can see already.

and he’s got a big hat and is feeding his chicken corn. not other chickens, like the feed he makes in his plant... seems he is aware of the ethical issues implied in his business. also, mulder with those weird ass glasses. 

cacho is going on about the subject of chickens. and how he built this town. he sure is taking an awful lot of credit for creating a town, pretty sure that's a team effort mr. chaco. he's also going on about how he thought george was trying to tear him down. 

AUTOPSY TIME!! rare degenerative disorder in da brain of paula. and scully has only seen it one other time back in med school because you can only really find it in an autopsy. nice work, doctor! <- i just typed “nice worm 🪱” so we'll let that stay for the added sense of whimsy it provides

but despite looking like a young girl fresh out of high school, paula was born in '48?! she was 47 years old. allegedly. this is not adding up. so they go on a quest to find her birth certificate and see what the truth is.

debrief in the car. so: odds are not great that she and george had the same very rare disease

during this discussion, our duo are run off the road by a chicken truck!!!! no! oh... he drove them into a river. mulder has shifted into rescue mode as the river is red with chicken gore. i feel someone might be distracting them and trying to get the body… (this was actually not the case i was just overly suspicious)

but more chicken drama: the driver had the same symptoms as george and paula! how can this be?!

“i just came up with a sick theory, mulder” (grabs her shoulder) “ooh, I’m listening” LMAOOOO this is sososo funny to me. yeah tell me ur sick theories scully you have my full attention.

GAG!! because it is both gross and shocking. her theory: what if someone put george’s body in the feed grinder, and then since it’s a prion disease, a chicken ate it, and someone ate a chicken, and it spread to the humans!!!! AHHHH! well that would be an epidemic, because they ship chickens out across the country… she glances knowingly, implying things could be very bad 

the river is filled with bird gore from the plant BLECH... who allows this??!! please say there are some modern regulations in place to prevent this being done irl.

mulder says he wants it dragged, thinking that maybe george is in there. and the sheriff is hesitant to do this. once again, i’m onto you, sheriff. i mean, a river full of chicken gore: it would be a good place to put a dead body.

and bam! a body is found. or rather. many many many bones. many bodies. and they are still going. damn.

so, we have a ton of bones. scully can put them into 9 distinct skeletons, one of which is in fact george. i love that she can do that, put the bones into distinct skeletons. she knows it's geroge from a pin in his femur!

“all of them share one, strange detail though” “well, they seem to have lost their heads” “… well, besides that” <- LMAOOOO idk why this was so funny to me... he really thought he picked up on something but he did Not.

here's the linking detail: all the bones are smooth and buffed like they have been polished. ??? who is polishing bones? it sure isn't me, i'll tell you that much. 

george’s wife is at the scene, learning her husband's body has been found, and she is sobbing. and the sheriff says “we’ll take care of you” now what does THAT mean? because it's not really sounding like the welcoming words of a man who is going to guide his neighbor through tragedy, and instead like there is something bigger at play here...

back at the plant, the doctor is mentioning another guy coming down “with the symptoms”…. omg. so this IS a known thing from the inside. mr. chaco knows but he isn’t doing anything about it!!!!! chicken dramaaaa goes crazy 

scully at the scene of all the bones, carrying a bucket of chicken. lmao. she is braver than me, for i would have gone vegan the first moment i set foot in chicken processing land.

mulder does some digging: 87 people have disappeared in the area in 50 years! that seems... a lot? and he thinks the same person or persons were responsible. he thinks they were EATEN!! boiled in a pot.

“they used similar evidence to prove cannibalism among on the Anasazi tribe of New Mexico” okay: 1. why do you know that 2. need to look into these allegations for myself and 3. Anasazi… that is the title of the next episode!!! what could this mean!! another cannibalism episode?!

scully is very sad to say that paula could have gotten sick from eating george :( girl I’m not convinced the chicken is clean put it down NOW 

cannibalism = eternal life? follow for more crazy mulder theories!

she puts aside the chicken……. good!

mr. chaco says “he’ll handle it” and george's wife doris arrives, saying she “can’t keep lying”… she says “she did it” (!!)

OH????? she... killed her husband? that is a bold thing to admit to.

“we’re gonna take good care of you”, says mr. chaco, which raises the question: are they a cannibal cult???? is that what he means when he mentions that he “built this town”???

now what the hell is going on. <- an interjection i stand by

mulder and scully are going to the courthouse to look at the papers and all the birth records are burnt!! doris calls mulder and says he’s afraid mr. chaco will kill her… they split up…. nooooo i hate splitting up!!! i watched so much scooby doo as a kid!

GASP! a guy in a mask like we saw at the very beginning of the episode is in doris' home!!! drumbeat playing while she screams…. overall, this is very not good, i wrote, referring to the use of Indigenous imagery for this murder, and also doris being murdered in the first place

scully at the scene of the murder ft. big ass flashlight. she gets in through the side door. gun: out. trench coat: open. looks: served. diagnosis: baby girl that could kill me, and i am respectful of the fact that she has this power yet refrains from using it on me.

mulder at mr. chaco’s house. mr. chaco has some… stuff in his home. including photos with Indigenous people and also bones. having human bones in your house, and especially on display, is not a good sign of ethics in play. and a skull. Oh! it says the skull is from a tribe in New Guinea... why tf does he have that. put it back???

at the back of chaco's parlor, we see a mysterious door. mulder is busting it open.

LORD ALMIGHTY, I DID NOT THINK THERE WOULD BE HEADS INSIDE??? HELLO???

so that must be where all of the heads that mulder noticed were missing have gone. they're sewn up sort of like shrunken heads. very spooky. once again, pour one out for the props department for such a creation.

noooo chaco is in the house with scully, who was investigating the call of doris. NOOOO HE KNOCKED HER OUT!!! this seriously needs to stop happening like i'm worried about the brain damage she is experiencing.

back to mulder cam. goodness. all of these heads. 

in a field now. doctor is serving some soup. to a bunch of people. who are eating around a big bonfire. do NOT tell me scully is in that meal....

she is not. YET! but he is bringing her over to be roasted. and they ate doris! chaco is yelling about turning on each other and how they were only supposed to eat outsiders. girl you shouldn't be eating anybody last time i checked. 

man in the mask shows up with an axe. and chaco is decapitated in front of scully. who is put into the decapitation thingy next. GIRL THIS IS FUCKED UP!!!

mulder on the scene, just in time. he shoots the dude in the mask.

“you alright?” he asks, brushing her hair back after lifting her out of the decapitation machine. my good friend, i would venture to guess that she is not quite alright at the moment!!! this will take an awful lot of unpacking!!!

sigh. but the tenderness of the near death experience. coming back to life in someone's arms. yeah i'll romanticize that.

TEA!!! the sheriff was the one under the mask!!!!!! i knew he was up to no good.

wrap up: chicken place shut down. unclear how many citizens of the town ate people. 27 have become ill with prion disease. chaco’s plane was shot down in 1947, and he spent 7 months with a cannibalistic tribe, and also he was born in 1902, so he was 93 at his death- so the cannibalism really WAS extending life. and we see some more feed being scooped to the chickens as scully says his remains have yet to be found. end scene.

HUH???? what in da hell. so what are we thinking kids…?

well, i'll tell you something: turns out i am afraid of cannibal cults, no matter how outlandish they seem! i guess when you get a villain or evil situation of the week show like this, you WILL learn exactly what kind of fear pushes your buttons. i can imagine almost nothing scarier than being led to the slaughter like scully was. seems a purposeful commentary on the meat industry, especially when taken in with the other meat episode this season.

so, if i were scully, i do think i would need to take a week or so off. but she is just built different than i am.

some things bugged me here. first of all, like i mentioned, you don't need to throw in Indigenous people to make a scary story. like is the thought of a bunch of arkansas cannibals not horrific enough? the scary was there!

second, i have not been doing a kidnapping count, but i feel that scully is getting the rough of the deal here. i believe in gender equality when it comes to characters being kidnapped. like, an even 1:1 ratio. why are we denying mulder his damsel in distress arc? does anyone think about how he would feel? how nice it would be to see scully burst in with a gun and shoot the fellow that was about to cannibalize him?

still, it is rare an episode actually spooks me, so i must give credit where it is due. even if it felt a little outlandish, your girl was frightened! scully needs a vacation now. i also thoroughly laughed at the sick theories line and his funny sunglasses.

it's funny to note, but i like the episodes that are either very silly and light hearted, or incredibly angsty the best. and that may seem contradictory, but you cannot tell me that one breath and humbug may be on opposite ends of the tone spectrum, but they are both objectively Perfect. i'll have to think more on why they are the best in my opinion, but i think honestly i would watch these two read the dictionary.

[nirvanawrites111]

Say You Love Me (Sub!Jongin x AFAB!Reader)

Word Count: 3727

Pairing: Kim Jongin x Afab!Reader

Genre AU: Male Stripper AU

Summary: Y/n runs No Manners male revue club and is recently divorced from Kim Jongin. But, needs a huge favor so that Y/n doesn't lose money and customers. No pronouns are used but Y/N is afab.

other characters mentioned: Ten, Taemin, Jun, Choi Minho, Leo

Warnings: Smut, sub!Jongin, Stripper club universe, pegging, strong language, oral sex (both rec), cum eating, degradation during sex. Calls Jongin a whore. Also... Jongin calls Y/N Daddy!, fingers (both rec)

Mentions of being with Ten Lee and Taemin. This chapter is just Y/n and Jongin together.

MINORS PLS DO NOT INTERACT. Ty so much!!!

A/n: Not sure if Y/n will have intimate scenes with everyone just yet. But I had to release this part because the sub!Jongin community is pretty dry and I need it for my mental health and clear skin.

Okay, I'm rambling.. also I'm obsessed with LET ME IN by Exo. It's been on repeat since Monday. I even play the slowed version. THE VOCALSSS.

If you enjoy my work please reblog it. I appreciate it!

SMUT BELOW THE CUT

"Where the fuck is Lee Taemin?!" You scream. You swallow hard, and your throat is raw. You walk around the lockers trying to find your main attraction for tonight. 

He knows how vital that headliner spot is. People come from far distances to see him perform.

The last thing you need is to deal with disgruntled customers tonight. 

You see Ten walk past you in a fishnet bodysuit covered in body glitter, and you grab his arm. "Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

Ten turns around with his other hand still gripping the sizeable clear trash bag of dollar bills. "Umm, I'm going to count my money in your office. What's up?" His hisses. 

"Where the fuck is your friend, Taemin?" You ask. 

"Umm.." Ten avoids eye contact and looks down at the floor. "I have no idea."

You step closer to him and are less than an inch away from him. "Look at me, Ten."

His eye contact connects with yours, and he stares at you. "Yes?"

"Where is Taemin?"

"In the parking lot with Jimin."

"Thank you, baby," you pull him closer and kiss him.

You let it linger for a bit, and then you pull away. You head out of the locker room's back door and search the parking lot for the infamous pink Lamborghini. 

You see it in the back of the parking lot and race over to the car with your heels clicking against the pavement. 

You find yourself at the passenger side window and knock on it. Taemin jumps, and grabs his chest. 

"Roll down the window, drama queen!" you yell. You want to yank him out of the car because he has been MIA for the last few hours.

Not to mention he's still in his regular clothes, and his set is coming up soon. 

"Heyyy! Y/n," Taemin greets you. 

The marijuana smoke hits your face before he can say anything else. Both of their eyes are bloodshot red, and you are irritated, to say the least. 

"Get out of the car. You're late for work!" 

Taemin fumbles with the door, and Jimin starts laughing. 

"You look nice. Y/n. Are you hiring by chance?" Jimin asks.

"Fuck, no," you spit. 

You grab Taemin's hand as he gets out of the car. 

"What's up, baby?" Taemin replies. 

 "Don't baby me! I put you on as a solo headliner for tonight and you're literally blowing it. You know I don't let you anyone go up there high or drunk."

"I know. I know. I'm not high though. I was just talking with Jimin about doing some music. He has a producer friend that can get our songs on the radio," Taemin explains. 

"Taemin, I can't let you go on stage like this. Go home."

"What?" Taemin glares at me with glossy eyes. 

"You heard me the first time. You can't come to work like this. It's the rules."

"No, c'mon this night is important."

"I can't give you special treatment just cause we're fucking. You gotta go home."

You sigh in disappointment. You wanted so much more for him. He'd worked so hard to get to that top spot. He was just as much of a crowd favorite as Kai.

Kai's departure was so unexpected. You were left scrambling to replace him.

But, that's when Taemin stepped up to the plate, and helped boost the club back to where it was when Kai was the headliner. 

"Y/n, please. C'mon."

"I said what I said."

You walk away from Taemin because you might say something you regret or can't take back if you say anything else.

You reach into your back pocket. Your hand is shaky as you stare down at your iPhone in your palm. You pull up your phone and dial your ex-husband's number. 

"Hello?"

"Jongin." 

You take a deep breath and almost hang up the phone.

But you're desperate and don't want to disappoint your customers. Especially since tonight is a packed house. 

"Yes?"

"I need a huge favor. Can you perform tonight as the headliner?"

"Y/n, you haven't talked to me in months and now you need me. Sounds like you're in a tough spot. Where's Taemin?"

"I had to send him home." You grab your keyring off your hip and open the back door. You close it behind you. 

"I'll be there in five. But, you owe me, Y/n."

"Yeah. Yeah. Thank you! Jongin."

You know you won't hear the last of it from everybody, but you are the owner of No Manners. You have to do what's best for business and put all personal feelings aside. 

You walk into your office and see Ten counting his money and clipping it together in stacks. 

"Thanks for telling me about Taemin."

"I told him to come in for work, but he doesn't listen."

"He knew how important tonight is for the club. I don't get why he would do that."

"Me either."

"But, Jongin is performing tonight."

“Jongin… Kim Jongin? Here at No Manners?”

"Yeah, he was my last choice. You already did your set tonight. I couldn't make you do a double."

"You know Taemin is going to be pissed about it."

"I don't care honestly."

"Tonight, is about to be interesting."

"Are you doing the VIP room tonight?"

"No, I'm done for tonight."

"Okay."

Ten glares at the door, and you turn around to see Jongin transformed into his alter-ego. 

Kai. 

Your jaw drops when you see him wearing that one outfit you hand-made for him that he refused to wear. His muscular tone body is even more toned than when you last saw him. 

The tan sheer materials cover his body perfectly, and the rhinestone highlights his manhood but still leaves much to the imagination. 

It looks even better than it did a year ago when you had him first put it on. 

"You look.. stunning, Jongin."

"It's Kai for tonight."

"Right," you snap back to earth and nod. "Did you give the DJ your music."

"Yeah, I'm doing a new routine."

"You still dance?"

"Not in clubs. But, I've been playing around with something. Trust me the crowd will enjoy it."

You look down at your watch. "Alright, well. Let me walk you out."

You head out of the office, and Jongin trails behind you. You are curious about what he's been up to since the divorce was finalized, but you're going to mind your business. 

"That outfit looks perfect on you."

"I know."

You and Jongin stand at the metallic string curtains, and you stare out into the crowd. Jun is wrapping up his set, and his music fades out. 

The DJ starts playing the melody of a beat you have never heard. "We got a special treat for you all tonight. Get your dollar bills out. Hell, bring out your 10s 20s and 100 dollar bills for this special guest, tonight. Everyone rise to your feet for the one and only, Kai."

After the DJ says his name, the crowd erupts into cheers, and Kai struts throughout the crowd. He goes up to a lady coming to the club since you first opened it up. 

Kai works his magic and dances on the customer, and she almost falls over. He catches her, and she screams. People start throwing cash at him. 

One of the younger strippers goes with a trash bag and starts picking up his money for him. 

Kai continues making his runs throughout the crowd and gives a couple lucky people, some special attention. He doesn't care the gender. He doesn't discriminate. 

You are quick to remember why he's always been a crowd favorite. 

Kai finally makes his way onto the stage. You watch him, and he whines his hips to the music, and you can almost get lost in his movement. 

You love the way he connects with the crowd. He always focuses on one person and sucks them into whatever he's doing.

Kai goes over to the pole and swings around it. He climbs to the top and slowly comes down.

 He rises up the pole again and swings around it. He drops down into a split, and he climbs up. The light turns off, and I head to the DJ booth, where the music still plays. 

A few moments pass, and then he's just wearing a rhinestone cover g strip. The crowd cheers even louder, and more people move closer to the stage, throwing money at him. Seeing all that money all over him, he works the pole even harder. 

Your jaw drops when you see your ex-husband in action. He's a natural for this lifestyle and the best to ever do it. 

After his set is over and he heads into his dressing room. The younger stripper walks towards his door with two large trash bags of money. 

You grab the money and knock on the door. "Come in!"

You open the door and place the oversized trash bags on the couch. You glance over to see Jongin cleaning the makeup off his face in front of the vanity. 

"Your set was amazing."

"I know. I’m sure you freaked out about the lights going out."

"Yeah, I thought something was wrong."

"You know I always know what I'm doing. You would have just talked me out of it."

"I know. I appreciate it. The club just isn't the same without you."

"I'm sure. You should let me come back."

"You know Ten and Taemin wouldn't like that."

"You're going to let them affect your business like that?"

"No, but things are calm backstage. You know you're a diva."

"You saw my fucking stage, right?" Jongin glares at you, and his gaze on you is stirring something up in you. 

"I did. You're a headliner. You've always been one. Especially since Choi Minho left. You brought something different."

"The crowd eats it up every single time."

"I know. You were amazing. You didn't miss a beat. How's life post stripper life?" You ask and sit down on the couch next to his vanity. 

"I'd be lying if I said it was easy. Too many people recognize me as a stripper. I honestly needed the money, tonight."

"If you needed help, why didn't you call me?"

Jongin laughs at your question. Why would he ask you for help? He shakes his head and wipes the glitter off his neck. 

"We haven't talked in almost five months. I wanted to put this life behind me. I didn't want to be some washed up stripper."

"You're not a washed-up stripper. You're a talented fucking dancer."

"I know but my resume is seven years an exotic dancer with you as my only reference."

"No one has called my phone. You know I would speak highly of you."

"Well, I haven't gotten any offers."

"Something will come. Listen don't worry about giving me any of the money. Keep it," You reply. 

You stand up, and Jongin stands up in front of you. He towers over you slightly by a few inches. You two are standing looking at each other. 

"I miss you."

The words uttered by Jongin feel personal and envelopes you in a way you can't describe. 

You stare into his eyes and brush his hair back from his face. His usual chocolate locks are an ashy gray hue. His beautiful face sparks something deep inside you.

This is still the Kim Jongin that knows all your deepest secrets. The man who held your hand through building this club. You were there for him when he got into dance school. So much history between the two of you. So much has happened. 

Your chest tightens, and you take a deep breath. The words are caught in his throat. 

"I miss you, too. But, we both know that the divorce was for the best."

"Because I wanted to leave this place and you didn't want to let me go. I wanted to grow past the gaze of desire. I want to be taken seriously."

"I hear you. I knew you leaving the club would affect me financially. I wasn't ready to make that move."

"Well, I will be here for the next month. So, tell your little princess Taemin that his spot is taken."

Jongin slides into his baggy jogging pants and grabs the trash bags.

You know that you need Jongin even though it will cause a rift between the other dancers. You know it's best for business. 

***

Jongin sits in his car and stares at the flashing LED light with the club's name, and he sits back in his seat. He wants to drive out of this parking lot and never return. 

But, the way they cheer his name and empty out their pockets for him is something that will have him returning back. 

Jongin arrives at home to his townhome, which is gate operated. He pulls into the front of his house. He grabs his money and heads into his home. He inserts his keys.

He tosses the bags of money at the door. He kicks off his shoes and heads upstairs to take a shower. 

Seeing you was more than emotional. He didn't know how he would respond to you. Nor did he see if he wanted to even talk to you. 

His phone lights up, and he sees a car at his gate. He lifts his phone to see a red Corvette with the top down. He hits the button to open the gate. 

What is it that you want this late? Did you come to say that you no longer need his services?

Jongin heads downstairs and opens the door. He watches you get out of the car and head up the stairs.

Your strapless jean jumpsuit dress hugs your body just right. Your red heels make you a bit taller, but still not taller than him. 

Jongin raises an eyebrow, and you lift your infamous Gucci bag packed with his favorite toys. 

"So, do you want to get fucked out here on your porch or do you want to invite me in?" You ask him. 

"Come in and fuck me."

***

You push Jongin against the couch, and he smirks at how you manhandled him.

You would be a fool to not want to fuck him after seeing him perform tonight. Everybody is probably going home to masturbate after the performance Jongin delivered tonight. 

"Jongin, my pretty boy." You lean forward and sit down on his lap cowgirl style. You whisper against his ear and nibble as you feel him rise underneath you. 

"I'm yours?" Jongin breathes out. 

"For tonight, yes." You reply. You run your red fingernails down the center of his chest. "Can I taste you? Ya know to reward you for doing such a great job tonight."

"Of course, mistress," Jongin moans. 

The aura of this man is so powerful, yet in your presence, this beauty is so submissive to you. No one would ever believe it if you told them. But, you wouldn't care. 

You move down his waist and get down onto the floor. Your knees dig into the soft light carpet supporting you. You reach up to help me get out of those sweaters. His dick springs to action because he isn't wearing any underwear.  

"Damn, you're always so hard for me," you whisper, tracing your fingers along his length.

"Fuck, I've missed you, daddy."

Jongin loves to call you different things whenever you two are intimate, but daddy is the one thing you love the most. He's the only guy to ever do it. 

"Mmm… I haven't heard that name in months." You grab his dick and swirl your tongue around the head. Your core tingles, and you work your mouth up and down on him. 

"Please.." Jongin emits a moan, and it makes your heart flutter.

This was your favorite way to see the real Jongin. With his legs spread for you and moaning and panting. You haven't even really got into it, and already you are bringing him close to his release. 

"Please? What? You like it? Or you want me to stop?" You taunt him. 

"No, please keep going. I'm not going to last," he whimpers. 

Of course, he's not. He always reacts to you so well. You love that about him. It doesn't take a lot for him to come. He's been like this since you two first fucked. 

"You know other people might not like how easily you cum, but I'm honored how fast I can make you come."

"I know.. I'm only like this with you."

You stop and sit up on your knees. You watch his eyes spring open, and he looks down at you. "Why'd you stop?"

"You need to work for that nut, sir." 

You lie back against the carpet with your legs open. Showing him you’re pretty pussy without any underwear.

You want to taste his nut on your tongue, but you want to make him work for it. You know he's always up for a challenge. 

"Eat me until I come, Nini."

Jongin doesn't hesitate, moves down on the floor, and holds onto your legs as his tongue probes your sensitive region. You can feel the heat building inside you as Jongin's skilled tongue works its magic. You moan and writhe under his touch. 

One thing about him is he knows how to please you and will do all he can to ensure you know it.

His tongue explores your slit, and he catches your juices dripping down because of how turned on you are from hearing him moan for you. 

You could get off just from hearing him moan. You have in the past, recorded the audio of two of you having sex and used it for your personal time when you were alone.

Jongin sticks a finger inside you, and your body reacts to him quickly. He pulls it out and sucks it on his finger. You love the sight of seeing feast on you. 

He pushes two fingers inside of you and does the same thing again. "I've missed your sweet taste. Nobody taste like you."

Jongin leans down and kisses your pussy. His soft lips against yours make your body jolt. He is getting lost in pleasing you. Everything he does feels so good.

You can feel the heat building up inside you as Jongin continues exploring your body with his fingers. You moan softly, lost in the pleasure he is giving you. His kisses are gentle and loving, making you feel cherished and desired.

Jongin kisses on your pearl while he fingers you. You ride his fingers until you squirt all over them. He sucks your juices off his fingers. Jongin moves down and replaces his tongue where his fingers were to slurp out the rest of your release. You grab the back of his head while he sucks the soul of your body. 

"Fuck, Jongin!" You cry out and continue to ride the wave of your orgasm. It feels too good, and now you're sensitive to the touch. You push him off of you. 

Jongin lies next to you and you get down to his dick. You are on the right side of him and sucking him faster than before.

No one has eaten your pussy like that since you were last with him, so you know he's earned the right to come. 

You stick your finger in your dripping pussy to wet your finger. You stick it into his ass. He's always liked it, especially when you give him head. 

"Shit.. you know I love when you do that, daddy, please," Jongin whines. 

Just like that, he comes so hard in your mouth, and you swallow it. You love the taste of him. You climb on top of him. 

"Tonight is just an one time, thing, okay? If you're going to be at the club for a month. I don't want us to mess around. Cool?"

"Yea, of course. We're just getting it out of system."

"Exactly."

You stand up, unzip your jean dress, and toss it on the couch. You grab your Gucci bag and head upstairs. You still have your heels on. 

You make your way to his bedroom. You grab your strap-on and put it on. You sit on the bed and wait for him to come upstairs. You pour lube on your strap-on and coat it perfectly. 

Jongin comes upstairs. He's completely nude. He gets on top of you and slides down onto your strap-on. You feel the weight of his body on top of you as he starts to move back and forth. 

You lean back against the bed and watch him bounce on it. You like watching him fuck himself on your strap. 

"You're so.. naughty. Jongin. You're fucking yourself on my strap. You missed me that bad?" You coax him. 

"Maybe," he giggles. 

You slap his ass and grab it while he continues to ride you. In some weird way, you still have feelings for him.

Something you probably won't admit to him, and you don't know how you'll be able to survive a month with him at the club. 

"Maybe? You're acting like a whore."

"Cause you make me this way."

You lift him up and hold on to him while keeping the strap inside. You lay him on the bed on his back. You hold his legs open while you stroke into him. 

"Now stroke yourself, whore," You instruct him, and he obeys you. 

You grind your hips and continue to pound his tight ass. You miss moments like this. You know he's needy for the next nut by how he's jacking his dick. 

Your hand covers his as you pump harder until him until he comes again. 

"I love you, Jongin," You lean forward and slip your tongue into his mouth. 

"I love you, too, Daddy."

The two of you fall asleep in his bed, and the following day you wake up. Jongin still is sleeping, and you sit on the edge of the bed. 

You look at your group chat with The Lee Twins. 

Ten: Where are you? Y/n

Taemin: Damn, you didn't come home last night. Are you really that mad at me? I'm really sorry, Y/n. 

You: It's okay. You're spot is being replaced for the month. I'll see you two soon. 

You know things are about to get crazy, but you know Jongin can take the club to new heights. 

Read Part 2

[dropintomanga]

Gachiakuta Has an Answer to Feeling Nothing

How many of us who have been through mental health struggles have often said that we feel nothing? How often have we said that we have nothing? What is there for us when it feels like there's no worth in life?

Kei Urana's Gachiakuta has one answer to avoid falling into a state of despair.

The story is about a young boy named Rudo Suberec, who finds himself thrown into the deep pit of society, appropriately titled the Pit, after being framed for the murder of his foster father, Regto. In the Pit, Rudo encounters a world filled with trash and monsters that inhabit it. He later discovers a group of superpowered humans (called Givers) known as the Cleaners and helps them out all while trying out to figure out the truth and discovering his own potential as a Cleaner.

In one encounter with a rival Giver (known as a Raider) in Volume 3, Rudo struggles to unlock his power while witnessing the Raider mercilessly attack one of his colleagues. The Raider says the person wasn't worth anything of value to anyone. This triggers the following flashback of Regto from Rudo.

A young Rudo once felt that because he was abandoned, he's deemed worthless because he can't follow anyone's instructions. Regto is right in saying if you're feeling nothing, a major reason why you feel that way is because you don't have something you like or anything you really want to do.

For me when I had major depression, while I did have friends and hobbies, I still felt nothing at times. They helped a bunch, but I think about what Regto was saying about seeing and experiencing things in the 3rd image. Having a support system and hobbies are great, but it felt like I needed to face reality as well and see it for what it is. Over time, I started to understand what was really important to me. I needed to see other people's experiences offline and see for myself how they live. Then maybe I'll end finding something I truly like that would keep me attached to this world beyond material interests.

To me, I found worth in learning about people opening up with their struggles and realizing that positivity wasn't the total answer to life's problems. What I really wanted to do was to stop chasing happiness. What I wanted to do was slow down in the face of a fast-paced world that demands so much from us. I felt I hated myself because I couldn't keep up. I wanted to stop being on social media so much because it was preventing me from seeing the full picture of life.

That's why I want people with mental health conditions (especially teenagers) to be able to experience things as much as they can. Meet people or a community who can help guide you in a way where you have control of how you want to feel alive and make a real difference in life. Face your past and realize that you can keep the pain of it to a minimum. You are more than just a victim of awful circumstances. Harness your core values.

And more importantly, find a way to describe and express the feelings you have that are driving you to feel empty. Rudo couldn't put to words what he was feeling, but knew something was off. Regto was able to explain things clearly and this subsequent moment happened below.

The real worth is being able to express your feelings, good and bad, because that's when the possibilities to rise from the pit of despair, a la Gachiakuta, happens. And then your inner world will be full of things you will like that are worth living for.

[dira333]

Passing Peonies - Post War Touya Todoroki - Part XIII

When the war ended, Midoriya Izuku had proven one thing: That Villains did not need to be killed to be defeated. That you could make friends from enemies.

Touya Todoroki, formerly known as Dabi, had been one of those taken into the rehabilitation program. After one year of intense physical and psychological therapy, he's got the chance to prove himself. To prove that he can be a part of this world.

Complete fic length: 30.600 words - Masterlist

Warnings: poor mental health and resentment against past actions is mentioned, burn scars etc. as well. There is angst but this is mostly soft Touya coming back to his family...

Part 13: (2,2k words)

When he wakes up, he needs a moment to orient himself.

He’s gasping for air, the smell of smoke in his nose and the feeling of flames licking his skin so clear in his mind that his eyes cannot grasp how he can be enveloped in darkness.

It was a dream, he realizes belatedly, cold sweat running down his back as he tries to calm down. A really bad dream.

But it keeps haunting him and he closes his eyes, hands dug into his sheets to ground himself, as he tries to reconstruct his dream.

He’d been in a building, younger, much younger than he is now, because the doorways looked taller, as if he’d shrunk a good bit.

The building had been cold and quiet, empty of noise and people. No one to see him, no one to judge him.

He’d let fire form in his right hand first, throwing it down a long hallway like he was playing ball with himself.

And as if a floodgate had opened, fire had poured from his hands until the hallway was burning, the doorways now holes in a pit of fire.

He’d taken a breath, felt relieved and anxious, angry and overwhelmed, all of the emotions his body was capable of, all at the same time.

Until he heard the scream.

After that, the dream had been a jumble of thoughts and pictures.

Had he gone up the stairs or down? Every hallway looked the same but there was another scream, choking sobs of someone who was there with him, in the fire.

He was supposed to be alone!

And then, hidden in the corner of a room, an open window feeding the flames with oxygen, was a girl, curling into herself.

Her shirt had caught fire when he reached her, so completely unprepared to save someone from a fire. All he knew was how to start one.

Touya’s eyes fling open again, bile crawling up his throat. He barely makes it to the trash can before he has to throw up, heaving uncontrollably.

Is this still a dream or does he remember correctly? Is his mind playing tricks on him? It must be like that.

He’s shaking by the time he crawls back into bed, trying to reconstruct his days as Dabi. Back when he was hungry and alone, debating on what to do next. 

He’d been so cold back then - but no, that wasn’t what he wanted to think about.

-

He doesn’t go to work that day. 

His mother buys into his story about having an upset stomach - the trash can is proof enough. You text him something encouraging and a silly picture of a cartoon cat caring for a sick cartoon mouse.

He feels like that. Like the mouse that’s going to be eaten soon.

His past is at his neck now, fangs bared.

-

“Hey.” Shouto knocks at his door, “Do you wanna have dinner with us?”

“No, thank you.”

The door opens and he groans, buried under his blankets. “Just leave me alone.”

Shouto doesn’t listen but takes a place on the bed instead.

“Are you nervous about the hearing next week?”

“No. If we get lucky they’ll just lock me up.” The words slip out of him, as bitter as the bile he’d choked up that morning.

“Why would that make us lucky?”

“Oh, I don’t know? Because I’m a danger to society and deserve to be locked up.”

“Did you do something bad those last days?”

“Don’t have to. Already did enough for a lifetime.”

Shouto hums thoughtfully.

“What do you think your boss is going to say about you? At the hearing, I mean?”

Tears prick at his eyes and coat his voice.

“I don’t know. Just… I hope she says that I’m awful.”

A heavy weight drops onto him. Shouto curls around him like an oversized cat.

“What are you doing?” Touya chokes out as his younger brother tries to half-hug him.

“Most people like being touched when they’re sad. You seem sad.”

“God, you’re such an idiot.” 

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No…” The word comes out quietly but Shouto must have heard it because he stays.

-

“Good morning.” You’re all smiles and sugar-sweet voice and he’s glad he hasn’t had breakfast yet, because the sight of you might have him vomiting again.

He closes the door of the greenhouse slowly, trying to forget how the apartment house next door looks finished already.

He’s never going to see the new shop. Never going to see you stand behind the new counter, or tend to your plants upstairs in your new apartment.

In an hour or so you’ll have to go for the official meeting with the judge, his rehabilitation officer, and all the other official people that will decide what to do with him.

Even if it feels impossible, he can’t let you close the shop for that, not when he’s still employed.

Also, you deserve to make an informed decision. To speak on his behalf knowing all of the truth, not just half.

“I need to tell you something.” Touya says, his voice wobbly. “About that fire you were in.”

“Are you sure you’re fine already?” You ask, stepping closer. “You’re really pale. I asked Rico if he could come and cover your shift while I was out. You should go back to bed and rest-”

“I set the fire.” He interrupts you, stepping back when you’re just about to touch him, probably to feel his temperature.

“What?” You ask, confusion visible on your face.

“I set the fire. At that school in Jinbocho.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I set that fire. I was in there and set the fire and I thought I was alone but I heard you scream and I couldn’t- I didn’t know how to save you properly.” He’s breathing hard now, panic already crawling up his gut. He’s going to vomit again, knows it even before the bile starts creeping up his throat.

The sweet tingle of a bell pulls him out of his frenzy and he turns to see Rico standing in the door, almost too broad to fit through.

“Oh, you’re fit again?”

“Can you take care of the shop for a second?” You ask before Touya can get a word in. “Touya and I need a minute.”

“Oh, sure.” Rico steps aside, a concerned look on his face as he takes in Touya’s face.

“You should rest, man. You don’t look too good.”

Your hand is curled around his hand - he doesn’t know when that happened - and you’re pulling him out of the greenhouse, down the street to the park. 

He’s trying very hard to breathe, shivers racking through his body as he keeps moving without really thinking about it, just walking after you until you reach the blissfully empty park, the tracks muddy from last night's rain.

There’s a little building, just a roof, and three walls, but you direct him there, pulling him into the safety of it.

-

“Touya.” You say. “Talk to me.”

That pulls him out of his stupor and he pulls away from you and your too-soft touch.

“I think I told you everything you need to know.”

“Did you really?” You ask and he blinks.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“I did. But I’m wondering why you told me.”

“Because you need to know, obviously. Your opinion of me has a major impact on the hearing.”

“The hearing…” You pinch your brows and he stares at them, dread filling his chest at the thought that this might be the last time he sees you do that.

“Touya, can I touch you?” You ask, your voice calm and quiet, barely a whisper.

“Why would you?” He asks and you cock your head to keep eye contact.

“Can I?”

He shrugs and your hands are on his now, unfolding them gently. There are red marks, half-moon shaped, from his fingernails digging into the skin.

“I already knew that you did it.” You say. “Or at least I had a hunch. Your father would have been too big but you’re my age. I knew it had to be you, even if you didn’t remember it.”

His mouth is dry as he speaks. The words come out croaked, oddly misshapen.

“Why didn’t you say something?” He asks. You shrug.

“All I ever wanted was to know if my life measured up to what my savior wanted for me. If I had made myself worth saving. I guess… I guess I realized that that didn’t matter. That I wasn’t saved for a reason. I was just saved.”

Something wet is running down his face and he touches it, surprised to see the clear liquid on his hands.

“You’re crying.” You tell him, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Didn’t know I could do that.” He rasps and chokes out a laugh, the sound so wrong at this moment. It breaks whatever shelter you created around him and he pulls away again, taking one step and then another.

“You will tell them at the hearing, okay?” He says, trying to get the words out before they fail him again. “That I did that. And I won’t bother you again.”

He turns to leave but stops in his tracks.

Directly in front of him grows a bush of peonies, the buds not open yet.

“I thought you loved me.” You say, exhaustion lacing your voice. “Why are you leaving now?”

“I set that fire!” He repeats, louder now, turning back to you again. “I set that fire! Don’t you understand?”

“I understand. I think you’re the one not understanding.” You raise your hands as if asking him to hold them.

“When you got accepted into the rehabilitation program, there was nothing left to forgive you. That’s what the judge is for. To decide if you deserve a new start. Who am I to declare them wrong?”

“But I did that to you!”

You grab his hands, hold them tight, and look straight into his eyes.

“Touya.” You say, your voice firm. “You did not go in there to burn me. But when you realized what you did, you saved me. Yes, you did a lot of bad things, but when you realized what you did, you did your best to save us all. That has to count for something. I forgive you. The system has forgiven you. What you need to do, is to forgive yourself.”

“But I-” He starts, unable to speak. Words are so hard to come by, and he doesn’t know the ones that would help him explain how he feels.

“Touya.” Your grip is firm. “You cannot undo what you were or what you did. You will be reminded of that all your life. But you’ve got another chance because you are able to change. Think about that.”

He’s quiet for a long time, trying to swallow what’s clogging his throat.

Your phone plays a little alarm tone and you sigh heavily.

“I have to go now. Touya, I usually don’t tell what I’m going to say, but I’ll tell you. I will say that you have proven yourself. Not because of your talent or your inability to hide your feelings. But you’ve shown that you care. You care for me and the plants, but also for our customers, your family, for Toga. You feel guilty for what you did and that guilt will follow you your whole life, but if you manage to let it settle, to live with it, you will live a life worth living.

He stays quiet and you get on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his forehead.

“The door stays open.” You whisper before you leave. 

-

He doesn’t come in the day after. Or the day after that.

He knows his family is worried, tiptoeing around his room and leaving food by his bed.

He’s refusing to speak and only Shouto is brave enough to climb into his bed in the evening, to curl around him like a cat.

But Shouto doesn’t speak either, so that’s okay.

On Friday he manages to get out of bed by four, to shower and comb haphazardly through his hair, knowing that his clothes look more like pajamas than anything else. He might have missed half a week of work but he won’t miss therapy. Even though he still doesn’t know what he’s going to tell his therapist.

Shouto’s at the door when he slips his shoes on, wordlessly grabbing the keys.

Touya avoids everyone’s eyes but there’s a heavy hand on his shoulder that can only belong to his father, pressing the sore muscle there, helping him into his jacket.

Natsuo presses his gloves into his hands, and takes them back without a word when Touya refuses to accept them. They were a gift from you and he can’t bear wearing them now.

Fuyumi is quick to hand him hers and he hates the glint of their piercings burning his eyes. No matter how much he rubs them, the tears won’t stop. 

His mother’s there too, closing the buttons of his jacket for him as if he’s four years old again.

He hates his family for being there, being quiet when he can’t stand the sound of words, and accepting him even in his most broken state.

He wants to break apart and cry, right here in the entranceway, but Shouto’s hand is firm around his wrist, nodding toward the door.

Yeah. He still has therapy to get through first.

taglist: @misfit-megumi @shoulmate @pixiesavvy @the2ndl @neko-my-cat @chelseaquake @tiredslepz @frozen-phoenix17 @spltbtch @touyasprettydoll @dream-girl-stuff

taglist is open, if you want to join, just mention it in a comment or send me a message.

My Kofi if you want to tip me