#that nat 20 on persuasion? INCREDIBLE

[essektheylyss]

God, Eursolon's conversation with Will Gallows? Absolutely FUCKS.

[notjanine]

i finally played dnd for the first time and it was WILD, my friend DMed a one shot (homebrew!) and she was incredible like she had music and sound effects and figurines and insane props (there were actual flames on the table at one point!!!) and all the other players were so fun like. gosh. GOSH!!

[youreamonocoque]

I love Riva's Pyramid Scheme they've got involved in

[yourplayersaidwhat]

We’re currently about to fight a dragon (I don’t remember what one though)and we’re trying to figure out how to not fight it because we’re severely under leveled

Bard towards the dm: can I dad him?

Dm: excuse me?

Bard again: can I dad him?

Dm: I? I don’t know what you mean but sure why not, roll for it

Bard, walks towards the dragon stands in front of it with a disappointed face and starts talking with a disappointed dad voice: I cannot believe you doing this, I thought you were better than this! I’m not mad I’m just disappointed. (He proceeds to shake his head and tsk tsk)

Dm: huh!?! I guess roll for persuasion?!? I don’t know?!

Bard: nat 20

Dm:……sigh so the dragon felt so incredibly bad at your speech because it reminded it of its dad and now doesn’t want to attack you anymore. It mumbles a sorry before walking off in a cave side of the one your currently standing in….. I need to revoke your dad speech privileges

The party kinda lost their shit and the bard managed to stop 3 more fights with dad speech before pissing someone off so much he almost died(he did not stop the dad)

[chungledown-bimothy]

Top 5 nat 20s ? And top 5 Nat 1s?

so many choices, so few spots.

Nat 1s: (i'm not 100% about the order of 2 3 and 4 honestly)

1- the THREE nat 1s at the start of Starstruck. i'm not good at math but if i remember probability right that was like a 0.0125% chance. (0.05^3*100, right?). could not have started the season on a more fitting energy.

2- jaysohn and lila in burrow's end ep 5. the dice told their story, and it was an incredible one.

3- gorgug is maybe his own dad? one of my favorite bits, and the context of what everyone else was up to made it even better.

4- fabian's NINE nat 1s on leviathan. no good very bad day, indeed. THE PNEUMONIA CONDITION.

5- cody hard whiffing with the triple sword. you know the one. i'm famously a cody hater, so that was just so fucking funny.

Nat 20s-

1- Pinocchio's persuasion for the Baba Yaga. The speech he delivered was amazing, but what happened there, to me, was him holding up Pib and saying "Where the white women at?"

2- The Mas Vegas casino win. Mostly for the cast's reactions, honestly.

3- Lapin's insight into Keradin. It laid the groundwork for both getting incredibly important information and, of course, the single hottest thing to ever happen in the dome.

4- Andhera in the duel. A wrestling match? Against me? The slipperiest boy??

5- Fabian in the arcade. There were nat 20s before that in Fantasy High, but that was the first one that blew my goddamn mind, and for that, it will always have a very special place in my heart.

[thisisnotthenerd]

and the other half of round two, the sidequests!

feel free to give reasoning/propaganda as you like!

the intrepid heroes poll

quick episode descriptions:

volcano of violence: all of the lotr parallels in one place. leiland being a cringefail after casting circle of death. markus negotiating with an eagle. the combination of grasping web and reverse gravity. balloon elf. sokhbarr raising the lava mog. the concept of galfast hamhead. efink facing her father and husband and beign conflicted

the great chase: caravan chase, mad max style on the teenager's bed. ti wants to blow up the boy. car-go and bean are remarkably effective. boomer is a boarding party. jizz balloons. lots of toy vehicles. car-go transforms with felix inside.

the horizon beyond the squall: marcid attacking a chimney. you wrote a whole song just to be mean to me. cheese, prince bitch. no kings for this captain. nat 20 medicine check to revive myrtle. destroy undead. beating a motherfucker with another motherfucker. bob's inflict wounds. ending with cheese getting a ship and the buccaneer buddies sailing off.

unfinished business: splitting up to resolve the mystery. buckster's legendary nat 20 persuasion to give advantage on stealth. daisy and the vicar sneaking in. sylvester failing at climbing the tower. lars killing the constable and pretending to be a ghost for lucretia. gangie and the vicar undulating. daisy and sylvester simultaneously arriving. shitting out of a window to "provide a cushion". daisy getting her story with sylvester's help. gangie falling into mrs. molesly's room. sylvester almost dying but getting a nat 20 death save with buckster's help. a wedding and bacchanal.

we're the heroes: one of these things is not like the others. collecting the bag of socks. jammer crying about weights. sam and philtrum. dates at the questing beast. the tournament. dream's cinderella moment. where did those mice get lithium. you don't get wet fire. i disavow you. what do you want me to tell your family. he had enough. blast him to the underworld. you can gps a phone. my girl just glinda'd your ass! that's some american magic, bitch! evan and dream lock up tallulah's wand in an orb.

i fucking love you: no one is surprised. incendiary cloud. OSTENTATIA'S DIVINE INTERVENTION ON A 19. god wants a bag from ostentatia. antiope will not submit. penny texts i'm in. nta 20 counterspell on finger of death. nonna wallace approves. katja trips a snake. i didn't even know you could trip a snake. antiope's incredible action surge turn that ends with showing her ass. sam is power word killed. that's my sister. danielle channels anima. revivify. bringing talura through the doorway in death. ending with graduation and 'take us to the book!'.

waylaid by werewolves: the werewolves are girls. zarb mini with six buttholes. chewing gum mist. fifi. shooting through the flamethrower. losing dracula. drago was the star. fifi becomes a werewolf. reading a letter in the middle of battle. florina under the carriage. enraged frenzy. i've heard of a cat scan. i make the horse fly. something seems very familiar about her. the dog is my wife! izzy holds with disappointment. a monster has been eating my letters to you.

duel on the southern lawn: rumor phase. rue writes the letter and commands wuvvy to burn it. i drank tea and went to bed. letter to wrackingspelt. rue's assistant. hob getting clocked by rue. wuvvy demanding satisfaction. andhera demanding satisfaction. wet wrestling. this is the biggest stretch of a fuckin' lifetime. nat 20 to be a slippy boy. hoisting andhera up by his taut cotton pants. accepting the hand of friendship.

yonder where the fruit do be lyin': quichei. deli's perception roll. raphaniel as a youth pastor. giant radish head. colin is covered in blue. extremely realistic fake orange. rick perry, you dog. silence. queen's losing it. raphaniel gets the orange down. banana boat guy. come on provolone! deli attacks queen pamela rocks. subtle spell shatter in the carriage. brennan kills pamela rocks again. you died for nothing. chasing and murdering the mushroom guy.

in the heart of death: brennan walks jujubee through an optimized turn. 49 damage immediately. troyánn slips. keekee starts falling. scorching ray. the devil works hard, but d20 works harder. buddy bear shoves zaria into the pit. lightning javelin in the titty. fireball. princess does like 70 damage and pushed kerwyn into the abyss. troyánn goes down. princess gets keena. nat 20 counterspell. twyla crits on morgan to end the battle.

case closed: the party converges on oblongata station once more. they're facing down the don and madam loathing, who can turn them against each other. imelda and dan flash the gangsters to wildly differing results. ivana rolls a 59 on hunch and he still comes back. elias punches his boss. dan goes down. the fix eats the key. conrad rolls a 57 [the number of heinz varieties] to bring down madam loathing. elias steals a birthday cake and runs out into the street, gets a date and reconciles his childhood trauma as he goes into witness protection.

evolution & revolution: warning the populace. pitching scam calls. driving the truck. phoebe is jaegering dr. wenabocker in a very gross maxi. the ground collapses. revenants are charmed. viola is very efficient. thorn calls lightning. tula attacks her son for 67 damage. ava attacks the groun for 109 damage and a long rest. jaysohn gets phoebe. lila fireballs. viola crits twice and kills one guy with paladin/fighter shenanigans and then kills the rest by kicking the trigger of a gun and hitting a gas tank. tula heals jaysohn, lukas, and herself a little bit. battle is over in 1.33 rounds.

[stonecoldsilly]

now up to ‘where is your bulb now’ in the rewatch my fucking god I forgot how good zac is he gets the nat 20 on insight on keradin, 25 deception roll AND 22 persuasion followed up with some of the most incredibly clever roleplaying it genuinely seems like the intrepid heroes can outthink what’s coming at this point because they’re doing so well and it makes the rest of the season hurt MORE

[blackjackkent]

The temple is lined with alcoves on which are bloody altars with corpses laying on them. Unfortunately - we recognize two of them: Fist Rowan and Angleiron the smith, the two unfortunate people who Orin replaced in order to speak to Hector directly. Several acolytes are standing next to each corpse and commenting with academic interest on Orin's methods of killing. None of them really seem to notice Hector and his friends wandering by.

And at the center of the temple, we finally find what we're looking for:

Oh geez.

Orin crouches over Lae'zel's unmoving, unconscious body laid on the stone slab. Her fingers are twitching with eagerness to rend, to cut and slice and destroy... but she is holding back. Waiting.

Waiting for me... Hector thinks bleakly.

"Spread out," he mutters to the others. "Be ready."

He has never felt more horribly vulnerable than he does now, as he steps away from his friends and move to the stairs that lead down towards Orin and her underlings.

Orin's head twitches, an animal scenting the wind.

"I smell it..." she whispers. "Gortash's corpse-stain. His killer approaches."

Her eyes flick up to him and her lips curl gleefully. "See how good I was? How *patient* while you drained the tyrant's juices for me?"

Then the smile fades - suddenly, like a torch being snuffed out. Her pale blank eyes narrow to slits. "But Sarevok's crimson was not yours to spill," she snarls. "He was mine! You had no right to take him!"

Hector says nothing, just comes to a halt a slight distance from her, standing utterly still, barely even breathing. He has rarely been so afraid as he is in this moment, knowing the terrible danger he and his friends have walked into, eyes open. The madness and violence of this woman is beyond measure.

But he focuses instead on Lae'zel, spread on the table; one of the most powerful, difficult, incredible people he has ever known, one of the pillars on which he has depended through this whole terrible journey - lying spread like a piece of meat, unable even to fight back. That is why I came here, he reminds himself.

The whole city's fate hangs in the balance of Orin's survival, of course, and he wants to save them all - but that is abstract, distant. Lae'zel is real and immediate and here, his friend, in danger. One puzzle piece of the family they have built out of nothing, through the wilderness and into the dark.

Orin catches the turn of his gaze, and the smile returns, mocking this time, ice-cold. "Did it think it could *protect*?" she sneers. "Did it think it could save?"

Her hand flicks at her belt, pulling the long crimson dagger that rests there and moving it in a single smooth motion to rest at Lae'zel's throat.

"Only the blades can offer salvation..." she croons softly, looking down at Lae'zel's unmoving body with a sort of bestial hunger.

Hector draws a short, harsh breath. In spite of his terror, his voice emerges remarkably steady and loud enough to echo under the vaulted stone ceiling. It is not bravery for himself, but for Lae'zel - a cry into the dark demanding that the blade come to his throat instead of hers.

[PERSUASION] "I did what you asked!" he snaps. "I killed Gortash, so let her go!"

(A/N: Holy shit.

I actually thought we were going to have some SERIOUS PROBLEMS here, because Hector's -1 CHA made all of the available speech checks unpassable by normal means, and failing the check leads to VERY UPSETTING STUFF involving Orin stabbing Laezel through both eyes, which clearly we weren't going to allow.

Admittedly, this wasn't EXACTLY a savescum but it wasn't exactly random either - I ran down through all the checks to make sure they had the same DC, which they did, and was pretty sure I was going to have to back out and either find some extra buffs for him or run this conversation with another character, which would have been very annoying. But I just happened to hit the nat 20 on this last of the checks. :D I was actually planning to give Hector the intimidation check if it had been passable, but fate has decreed we go with persuasion instead. XD)

Orin's head snaps up and she leaps suddenly, lithely, over Lae'zel's body to land next to the altar facing Hector.

"You do not lie, underling..." she says. Her voice begins as a purr, but quickly rises into a manic scream, her blank eyes widening. "It is your blood I am destined to spill. Your death spit will stain these walls, little lamb."

"Your murder should have been exquisite! A crypt-born effigy to greet Bhaal's bleeding dawn! And now it will be nothing!"

A sigil in deep blood-red begins to glow around her feet. Hector backpedals away, staring as her god's magic begins to rise around her.

"COME TO ME, FATHER!" she screams. "SET MY FLESH TO YOUR UNHOLY PURPOSE!"

The magic bursts through her, her body shifting and changing as Hector has never seen her transform before, into something much larger, all claws and teeth and scales.

"Oh, FUCK!" he hears Karlach shout behind him, but he has no time to respond as the creature's claw slams into him, knocking him backwards onto the stone.

[loquaciousquark]

Scrambled, manic thoughts after that episode:

Fearne is the MVP by a million miles. Brilliant play, great smart spell choices, didn't take a single hit to compromise that Earthbind. I laughed out loud when Ashley was making stupendous call after stupendous call and then had to ask if she could concentrate on two spells at once. Mister mattered! Like, a lot! Amazing! I've been rewatching C1 very intermittently, and seeing Ashley grow from being so unsure in the Kevdak fight (and falling off like three roofs, not understanding opportunity attacks and just about getting herself killed, etc.) that to this confident, smart, tactical player tonight was awesome. She asked great questions and knew her spell effects. I think the only thing she missed was that when Mister's out, she should do a little extra fire damage. Awesome job.

Getting a moment's taste of Laudna made my heart hurt. I miss her so much! Assuming all goes well, I'm going to LOVE coming back to this arc and rewatching it, but right now I'm still so stressed.

Imogen's call to Ruidus is a really cool idea, but it really put her in a tough spot HP-wise. Those 12hp sure came close to mattering (it looks like she can wound herself with her own hit dice to make an attack as a free action? Unclear). I don't think the Blindness was the right call in the moment, but one mediocre choice in a sea of otherwise REALLY optimal party choices is a non-issue.

The usages of motes was INCREDIBLE. Negating that nat 20 on Ashton, turning that last Delilah attack into a natural 1--Matt must be bursting at the seams to see them using the tools he gave them so effectively. Absolutely clutch. The only bust was that Travis reroll to a 1 on the Inflict Wounds, but them's the breaks.

New Bells Hells logo is gorgeous.

Incredible fight design by Matt start to finish. A reduction to 0 making them pop back to the real world is so smart; it gives his sole villain increasing odds against an otherwise terrible action economy as the fight continues and makes her heavy hitting spellpower matter that much more. She's easy to hit, so she needs the spellcasting advantage and the lair actions to make it an even battle, but he still managed to create an amazing tradeoff between likely losing her lair actions as the fight went on with the tree getting damaged, but increasing her own odds against likely fewer and fewer PCs. It was incredibly effective to have the players leave the table as they poofed out.

I get what Orym was trying to do, but the dice weren't having it. Sucks that he didn't get to do much that battle. Still, Delilah using that attack on him likely saved Imogen's life. Good to see Ashton being SIGNIFICANTLY more effective here than against Otohan.

I could be wrong, but I think Matt is scripting this as the resurrection ritual. He said three successes and one failure as they moved through the shadows, and he was making them roll persuasion, etc. He's changed the rules for his resurrection rituals every campaign, but if this is similar to C1, ritual successes lowered the DC by 2 and failures upped it by 1. Assuming Laudna starts at a DC of 10 (or 11, depending on how he rules the Delilife), that drops the DC for Pike's straight roll to potentially 5 or 6. Good odds. Not foolproof. Maybe Sarenrae will give her advantage.

What a beautiful Destroy Undead. Again! Manipulating the action economy in the party's favor! So good!

Edit: coming back to add that I can't get over that Earthbind. While she could still move on the ground, it prevented tons of line of sight options Delilah might have had otherwise--Fearne & Imogen were able to duck behind the rock, Orym had cover in the tree. It also meant that Chet & Ashton were able to get right up on her with flanking, and Chet in particular being in melee with her forced disadvantage on one of her attacks that might have otherwise knocked Imogen out. It also meant she had to care about the melee fighters on the ground because she couldn't get away, and she's so eminently hittable as a spellcaster.

Man. This entire episode was great and when he ended it, I still threw myself back into the couch and yelled, "No!" Thank goodness there's no break next week.

One more edit: There is something beautifully poetic about Imogen using lightning to split right down the middle the tree that Laudna died in, the tree that was still holding her captive after all this time.

[overnighttosunflowers]

just imagine your a dm with level one players and the rogue hits you with 1d4+1d6? yeah thats fair that makes--1d10 fire damage!!!! I'd cry that's so broken if it maxes that's 20 points of damage at level 1! more if it's a crit!!!!

please never tell the rogue in my party about this he is already so incredibly OP (fantastic stats, ring of invisibility that he got for free with a nat 20 plus 11 persuasion, teleportation daggers, cloak of being spiderman that he got for a steep steep discount with another nat 20 plus 11 persuasion, reliable talent, generally being a menace to society)

[hypnagogic-marshmallow]

TTRPG update, mostly for future me:

Once again, we have had a Session. Himbo snakeboy decided that prior to commencing with the Spear Stealth mission, the best course of action would be to try and recreate the time they were able to become basically invisible.

Which was during an anxiety attack.

So rolls commence, and we end up achieving this somehow, the trade-off being that his mental state is on the fuckin edge. Balancing somewhere between uncomfortable and Pit of Terrible Intrusive Thoughts.

But hey, invisible!

New problem: snimbo is the one who knows the way, and our buddy Sad Friend can no longer see him.

Solution: pull a rope out of he fuckin bag and now we have a "hold onto the rope while we're in the store, timmy" kind of situation.

So anyway we go down into this deep and incredibly magical hole (ha) and have some fun lore times, see some sneeple murals, sneak past some meditators. So far so good.

Then my inviso-guy fails a mind check with a nat 1. They plunge over the edge of that anxiety and because they're built like a wild mage in this homebrew system, I roll for a random consequence.

He ends up summoning the hulking leader of the rebellion forces through the sheer power of anxiety.

Right in front of two witnesses!!

Which is pretty much the worst case scenario.

Except as they are about to flee from the room (to alert others, presumably) my guy shouts after them that "hey guys, my b, I'm new to the whole magic business and definitely didn't mean to do that."

Nat 20 persuasion.

They believe him! We're all dying by this point, my guy is just furiously trying to pretend that his panic attack didn't happen (healthy), the rebel leader is extremely confused, and two priests at this temple now think I'm like a second coming of their god. Fun!

[moon3thereal]

Request for natasha x reader. So the avengers going on a road trip for some time off. 1 hour in Natasha is sleeping and you know she has a hard time falling asleep most times so you don’t want to wake her and nobody seems to bother that she is sleeping, after awhile she starts snoring softly that later turns into loud snores so the others starts to get really annoyed with her and really just wanna throw something at her. But you won’t allow them so when the others also try too sleep they can’t because she’s so loud. When you arrive where you were headed too you wake her and she’s feeling rested and good but everyone else is really grumpy and rude against her, even you feel a little grumpy Natasha is all like “I don’t snore” and then you just show her footage of her snoring incredibly loud and she is just really embarrassed. End in fluff:)

Title: Golden Holidays

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: suggestive comments, cursing

a/n: I wrote this in the middle of my writer's block so it may not be my best fic but I hope you guys enjoy! thank you for the request anon <33

P. S. My requests are open, however, don't forget to check out my request guidelines first before sending in an ask! Thank you <3

1k words

Being an Avenger wasn’t always glorious world saving and posing for magazine covers, it also entailed a not so appealing side of an enormous workload and an unbelievable amount of paperwork especially for you and Natasha since you were both S.H.I.E.L.D agents on top of being Avengers. In this rare occasion on which all of you had time off, all seven superheroes had agreed to take some time off work by going on a road trip. You’d laughed so hard, spilling coffee all over your shirt when Steve had first suggested a relaxing road trip. Keeping the seven superheroes in an enclosed space for 4 hours wasn’t a good idea unless you were asking for chaos and destruction then it’s the perfect solution.

Surprisingly, the avengers, including Natasha and Tony (after some persuasion) had agreed to going on a road trip to Chicago of all places. After you were done being astonished over the fact Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow, your girlfriend had agreed to be in a car with people she mildly tolerated for four hours, you hesitantly agreed, convincing yourself it would be a fun experience and that it wouldn’t be all that bad considering you did need to bond more if you were to keep the world alive alongside these individuals.

Packing a few clothes, extra for Natasha since you knew that the woman would never wear her own clothes and your closet was basically Natasha’s. Your shoulders tensed instinctively when you heard a tiny creak of the door, your hand prepared to find the comforting grip of the dagger you knew you’d find at the waistband of your jeans. Recognizing the pattern of the soft steps, you relaxed and turned around, giving your girlfriend a chaste kiss on the lips. Seeing her pout, you laughed and shook your head at her “should I brush up on my ability to sneak up on people more? Why do you always notice me?” she frowned

You raised an eyebrow in amusement “you’re not the only spy here Romanoff, plus I can recognize the pattern of your footsteps” you said lightly and she plopped herself on your shared bed dramatically and huffed in defeat. The redhead opened her mouth to say something and you silenced her with another kiss, propping yourself above her and whispered against her lips “I’ve already packed your things” you replied to her unasked question. Flipping you over, she flashed you her signature smirk “well I guess that gives us plenty of time to do some other things then” pressing her lips against yours, it was safe to say Natasha properly tired you out that night.

The next morning, all of you were piled into a truck, your cases at the back and Natasha and you bullied everyone else into letting you have the back seats all to yourself while Thor, Bruce and Clint took up the middle seats and Tony was in passenger seat while Steve drove. It started out pretty peaceful, quiet chattering to each other while iconic 80s music played in the background, you letting out occasional chuckles while focusing on your crocheting while Nat read a book

About an hour in, the chatter had subsided into a comfortable silence with quiet humming along to ABBA. Small snores from the sleeping redhead brought you back from your trance. You smiled at her and stroked her red locks lightly, pressing a soft kiss to the curve of her neck. It started off as light, cute snoring which you found adorable. But it had gotten progressively louder to the point you could see the team starting to get antsy and letting out huffs of frustration when their own sleep was disrupted by the snores of your girlfriend

After 20 minutes of Natasha’s snores filling up the silence, tony had groaned and turned back to you “will someone please throw something at her” he said, annoyance lacing his voice. “Hey shut up, let her sleep, use your super nano tech whatever earbuds” you said placing a hand protectively on Natasha’s thigh. They all rolled their eyes, but they still knew better than to wake the sleeping assassin, none of them wanting to invoke your wrath when there was nowhere to run.

The next 2 hours was all six of you trying to no avail to fall asleep and curses threw Natasha’s way which you silenced with a glare. Finally reaching the hotel you were going to be staying at, you woke Natasha, shaking her shoulders with a yawn. Even you were exhausted and slightly grouchy. Natasha gave you a loopy smile which you answered with a half-hearted one where the other avengers just threw her dirty glares for denying them their much needed rest.

In the elevator, Natasha was fawning over the paintings while the others watched her energy unbelievingly “Nat, not everyone is as energetic as you are, so if you could tone it down a little” Clint said tiredly. She looked at him indignantly, turning to you for support, you shook your head and mouthed “you’re on your own”

Once you were in your respective rooms, you were obviously sharing one with Natasha. She huffed as she dragged in the last bag “why was everyone being dickheads today” she said, an annoyed crease in her brow. You wordlessly held your phone up to her face, a video of her snoring playing on your screen “you’ve been at it for like 3 hours” you said eyebrows raised

Natasha’s cheeks flushed red as she tried to act nonchalant “I don’t snore” you flopped onto the comfortable hotel bed, already half asleep and nodded “sure babe” she shook off her embarrassment and crawled in bed next to you “you want to break this bed in?” she asked in a teasing tone. You turned to face her, incredulity displayed on every feature of your face “you have the audacity to ask for sex now??”

“baby I was joking!”

“yeah you better fucking be-”

Taglist: @marvelwomenslut @phoenixofash @michelle-dsn @midgardianweasley @jokertgkk @yeeterthekeeper @unexpected-character @zolvaska

[asimovsideburns]

Hunt for Dragonshards session summary 8: the one where shit goes down but not in the way you’d expect at all

also it’s nor my fault this one is late, my sleep disorder has been absolutely kicking my ass, I’ve slept 5 hours out of the last like 50+ as of this writing, and this is being scheduled so god only knows how I’ll do between now and when it goes up

• I am, unfortunately, probably going to be a little sparse on details, due to the aforementioned sleep deprivation

• Okay here we go

• We’re at the college courtyard, where the drinking minigame is being set up

• Roux, disguised as the professor, approaches the head of the frat/study group/secret society and deceives her into showing her what she’s found. This is a LOT of magic stuff about a possible apocalypse and also some of the professor’s background life

• Roux says “that’s kind of creepy”

• Danielle (head of orb and mist) is now fighting back tears as she continues explaining that she’s sorry, but she DID find a way to avert the apocalypse, and she even found the incredibly rare material component that she needs, which is just in this drawer over here—as you can see, it’s… empty. Totally empty. Not a problem! All as planned. Everything is fine. [She rushes off to angrily confront someone about this, which Vendetta overhears a bit of.]

• Smidge messages Vendetta (me), saying “party compromised, meet me at the safehouse”

• Me, immediately: insight check

• Result: I don’t know if it’s a trap, but it’s not necessarily not a trap

• Smidge heads off towards the safehouse

• Dia follows Smidge (uwu/Tin originally did, too, but we ended up retconning that and having them do their other thing instead)

• Vendetta follows Dia, but stealthed

• Uwu/Tin messages Roux and gets some very minimal but extremely concerning information re: there’s maybe an apocalypse coming?? Roux is not clear on the details. She DID, however, con a key to the dragon’s hoard after she put herself together and came back

• Roux goes to the professor’s office, opens the door to the hoard, and it is… an office. On a natural 1 investigation check, there’s absolutely nothing here, and no reason to keep looking

• In the meantime, Dia has telepathically contacted Smidge, and with a nat 20 insight check, they go to dms to discuss what Dia gets from Smidge.

• Dia agrees to stand aside and let Smidge do what he needs to do

• What he needs to do is, apparently, kill Vendetta—or at least ruin his life. See, Vendetta once beat him to a mark, and it trashed his reputation. Now that he knows the world is going to end, he can’t let it end before he puts things right, before he ruins Vendetta and regains his status

• Round 1: a Sleep spell that’s not quite powerful enough to knock me out, and the last of his sorcery points spent on a Hound of Ill Omen to knock me down. I stand up, dust myself off, and put a bullet in Smidge’s chest. Dia uses their mind link to telepathically contact me and try to convince me to let Smidge kill me, promising to revivify me afterwards. Unfortunately, Vendetta has too much on the line to die, even it he trusted that promise, and trusted Smidge not to stop them.

• Round 2: Smidge attacks again, misses. The hound knocks me down again, but I stand up, dust myself off, and out a second bullet in Smidge’s chest, just below the first. I use my bonus action to dash and get within melee range, and the hound misses its attack of opportunity.

• Round 3: Smidge attacks again, and misses with an 8 total. Desperate, he burns a spell slot to get sorcery points back and reroll the attack—another 8. The hound misses its attack, too, which means that Vendetta doesn’t have to spend any movement to get up. With a steady aim bonus action, I take advantage on the attack, and get to deal my sneak attack as well. I shoot him in the chest one more time.

• Now, at last, I lean in. I make my persuasion check, he makes a wisdom save, and the battle is over. He’s a broken man, utterly defeated, ready to make himself anew. My mid-battle verbal needling and his rage has turned to something that helps him realize what his obsession has cost him and at least start to move on.

• Dia asks if we’re quite done so that we can go avert the apocalypse now.

NOTE ONE: at this point, Vendetta doesn’t know there’s an apocalypse, because nobody has told him. In fact, he doesn’t even know for sure that there’s a dragon.

NOTE TWO: Smidge spent a 3rd level spell slot, a 1st level spell slot, and not only all his sorcery points but also one of the two that he got from burning the 1st level slot. He ends the fight at 4hp. Vendetta took 4 damage and didn’t spend anything other than three bullets.

NOTE 3: the most beautiful part is that Vendetta had been telling Smidge for so long that he depends too much on his magic, and not enough on his own abilities, and every single time this session that Smidge has spent a sorcery point to reroll something… he still didn’t succeed. The dice tell a story.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Spread word of my kindness.

This one may be a bit lengthy, but bear with me.  Just a little context first:  We’re a party of 5 consisting of

A neutral good Lizardfolk druid who is restricted to dinosaur animal forms (me)

A chaotic good blue Dragonborn fighter

A chaotic neutral birdfolk bard who’s a bit of a narcissist

A lawful neutral halfling rogue

A chaotic neutral pink Tabaxi sorcerer who also happens to be a kleptomaniac. 

We’re all level 6 and this is day 1 of our campaign. 

The party, riding the 5 buffalo we somehow managed to “borrow” from a centaur rancher by persuasion, are traveling along a road with two Kenku children who have enlisted us to help them find “Master’s dog”. 

DM:  You see in the distance a cloud of dust.  Upon closer inspection, it appears to be a caravan of wagons heading your way.  There also appears to be a small copse of trees to the side where you could possibly hide.  What do you do?

Party:  (OOC) - We’d like to pull into the copse of trees, hide, and let them pass.

DM: As the caravan passes by, you notice that this is in fact a trade caravan and not a group of bandits like you expected.

Dragonborn Fighter:  (OOC) - I’d like to sprint up to the back end of the caravan and use my lightning breath on the driver of the last wagon.

The rest of us stare at our “chaotic good” Dragonborn with a mixture of shock and mild amusement.

DM:  … Seriously?  Alright then.  Roll for damage.

Our Dragonborn proceeds to roll incredibly high, charring the poor Tabaxi driver to a crisp, after which he slumps over in his seat.  His two tabaxi children emerge from the wagon and try to revive their near-death father while the Dragonborn engages with 2 caravan guards.  The rest of the party has not yet engaged and it is only our Dragonborn who is doing any fighting. 

Our Halfling rogue decides to scuttle our Kenku twins into the nearby forest in a desperate attempt to keep their eyes away from this grisly scene, convincing them that the Dragonborn is simply hangry and that they must undergo a search for a Snickers bar to calm the frenzied fighter.  In the forest. 

Our kleptomaniac Tabaxi decides to take advantage of the chaos and jump into the second-to-last wagon, stealing a pouch of gold before retreating into the tree canopy with her spoils. 

After a few rounds of combat, in which our fighter is beginning to regret her decision, our bird bard enters the fray in an attempt to defuse the situation.  He successfully casts Enthralling Performance on the children.  The Tabaxi children completely abandon their father and run up to the bard.

Birdfolk Bard:  (IC) - Now run towards the rest of your caravan (who have decided to cut their losses and flee up the road) and spread word of my kindness.  Take some of my flyers with you.

At this point, the children are safely out of the way and the caravan guards are only still fighting because they wish to avenge the Tabaxi driver (who at this point has been nicknamed “Big Pa” OOC by the party since our DM was notready for this fight).  The Halfling and Kenku have emerged from the forest and have actually succeeding in finding a Snickers bar (she rolled a nat 20) and are simply waiting for this chaos to end.  Our fighter is now fighting for survival and is low on health.  At this point I realize that I’ll have to step in, but as a neutral good character I really don’t want to kill these innocent caravan guards.

Lizardfolk Druid (Me):  (OOC) - I’d like to shapeshift into a Triceratops and charge in, placing myself between the guards and our fighter.  (Yes, I understand now that I technically can’t do this even with Circle of the Moon.  I was new to D&D and our DM wasn’t too familiar with wild shape limitations).

DM:  The guards stare at this lumbering dinosaur emerge from the trees in fear and awe.  They take a few steps back in fear, but are conflicted because they still want to retrieve the smoldering crisp that is their Tabaxi comrade.

Birdfolk Bard:  (OOC) - I’d like to fly over and grab the unconscious Tabaxi and carry him back to his comrades.  He succeeds.

Me:  (OOC) - I’d like to attempt to scoop up our fighter in my horns so we can retreat.  I fail and end up flinging the fighter in the air and into the dirt.

Dragonborn Fighter:  (OOC) - I’m going to get up and climb on the Triceratops’s back.  She succeeds.

DM:  The caravan guards, realizing that “Big Pa” is still alive, call for a retreat, abandoning the wagon and fleeing from the dino-mounted Dragonborn. 

Our bard is thanked profusely by the caravan for his heroic actions, after which he takes it upon himself to hand out flyers and self advertise before departing.  I take the fighter back into the copse of trees to the pair of Kenku children who sheepishly hand the Dragonborn a Snickers, and the chaos finally comes to an end.

And so it was that our party came into possession of a wagon, our fighter decided to don a hood in fear of becoming wanted, and word of our bard’s kindness began to spread throughout the land.

DM, looking at our fighter now:  We need to have a discussion regarding your character alignment.

[thisisnotthenerd]

since shriek week doesn't really have formal combats/encounters, we're moving on to starstruck:

quick episode descriptions:

welcome to the spacin' life, buddy!: first episode and we're already doing battle. norman is an asshole. fighting jan de la vega. sidney and barry go for it. margaret is a busy businesswoman who nonetheless helps out. raymond zam wants to reschedule space battle. the intro flashbacks: use your tongue. fuck erotica ann. never go to the zoo. would you like to buy pleasure putty. young and hip people don't need to say they're young and hip.

all in the hot exit: running from the carbine kennel club dog show with aurora nebbins, princeps zortch and gnosis in tow. the pleasure putty factory is exploding. gunnie casts flash. two nat ones. my future is changing! are you hacking a dice? sidney throwing grenades. barry tanking so much damage. i'm hurt. margaret banking in pitched battle. that's the most advisable thing you could have been doing. nat 20 on the jib jobbers showing up. take care of my legs! riva yanking gunnie to the ship and glindaing jan de la vega. nat 20 death save that took so long. making it out with 30000 credits & a 5 star rating.

wallops at swallop's: skip's incredible back to back turns. freon blast. jumping into the rafter where everyone can see you. stealing back the kublacaine. popping off and not running and still winning. the sheriff is shitting in the bathroom. the first get nasty from margaret. skip shooting the sheriff for 21 points and then mounting his decapitated head on a cactus. killing the police force and then partying after.

baustin skiffy limits: running through the market. barry with the table. setting up for combination moves with the oil slick. ship style combat. fleeing amongst the skiffers. riva's persuasion with you hate the government. colonian turn. running from brigade tigers. hospitalizing crunch moon-jones. we're just going away.

flee from fantanimalland: my ass! sid & skip going down the elevator, margaret & barry with hogg cobb, riva vs barry nyne on the ship, and gunnie buying a maple cake. gunnie steals the maple cake, gets accosted by a vercadian & gets escorted out while carrying margaret. sid meets the junkmother & gets the krystals. saw a hole. had to check it out. riva gets barry nyne off the ship without zortch. arcadia prime monologues at barry while skip teaches gunnie to ram the ship into the building.

battle of the brands: the gang buys truly so much stuff. you are required to do a certain amount of drugs. barry is the angel of mercy. the sisters of the cosmic veil having a bikini party. taking kublacaine. we are the ball. barry taking brutus to the finals on a nat 20. nat 20 death save from aurora nebbins. margaret speaks to the plinth and then is down to 1 hit point. skip crits on the plinth. free teleportation shenanigans are not allowed. gunnie casts explosion. barry rapid shots the plinth and does product placement. operation slippery puppet. am i getting ocean's'd 11'd on my own fucking show? what the fuck is happening? a real son of a bitch is no more. sundry sidney has saved the dog!

the house always wins: barry kicks off with a 39 to grapple brutus. leap? oh no i fall out of the crow's nest. margaret walks up, says you suck and walks away. call to the guards. this is the sensible beardsley season. everybody going down and coming back up. except for gunnie. full on cleganebowl. we're going over the edge. it's only a 28. happy birthday murph. margaret inducing crises. barry & brutus bonding. the girl guides. i'm stacks. chasing down the nuns. and the house always wins! the casino paid for itself. bambi leroux.

jailbreak!: skip on handy annie, sneaking through the halls. barry & gunnie playing rock paper scissors. we're all really worried about you, man. why would that be mine? running with the other prisoners to get out. barry's fists are d6 weapons. stunning & killing. sid kisses the vercadian. i think mommy is nice. zortch & the girl guides betting on a horse. splitting the party for stealth. riva's big distraction. improved grade to space casting. sidney crits on the vercadian. it doubles damage. ship to ground is multiplier of times 10. 560 points. nat 20 stealth. plug shows up. with their guns trained on you.

the luckless, the abandoned and the forsaked (part 1): riva does customer service. zortch wearing a plaastic bag on their head. ponytail barry. u4f allies. danielle scrap. galatia 9. barry nyne is on the wurst. riva phase walking to uftp. plugging gnosis into the wurst. i'll roll as many d8s as you want me to. gunnie grows a shield generator. margaret's campaign office singlehandedly changing the course of the battle. zortch getting slugged & attacking skip.

the luckless, the abandoned and the forsaked (part 2): emily snarfed. command ships attacking each other. the guernicans are incompetent. the entire barry conversation. expertise in being a barry. a weird little cranny where maybe there could be turtles. exactly 14 damage. what is the nature of micro ftl jumps. gnosis rolls a 2. i might actually vomit. an off-camera bit. what's up, baby! it's space. loose duke's been on the ship the whole time. boarding party kicks ass. the kind is dead, long live the king. the random factor. sid releasing gnosis. filling rubian v with powdered egg substitute. lucienne was on the ship the whole time. barry crits & does 62 damage. while sid does 40. the ram does 16. capping it off with a wedding.

[thepodcastatdawnshouse]

Episode 6: Kristy's Big Day

Kristy’s mom is going to get married, and then she gets married. The girls of the Babysitters' Club respond the only way they know how: by opening an unlicensed daycare. We talk all things wedding-related: etiquette, fashion, frozen canapés, and swarms of wasps.

  Today’s agenda includes: the optimal number of toaster ovens, aspic towers, BABIES INTENSIFY, Nannie’s high-speed knitting secret, repeatedly lampshading our own incompetence, the Toothbrush Incident, slang words on a specific theme, a crab crepe crisis, Karen Brewer rolls a nat 20 on her persuasion check but gets barred from the playground, Stacey’s diary entry is the WORST, surveillance techniques, a lot of talk about leotards, Kristy’s lovingly rendered eye bags, CAN I PLEASE SHAVE AN ADULT MAN, and the precise amount of chaos necessary for a successful wedding. 

Our theme song is "The Incredible Shrinking Larry" by Matt Oakley on the Free Music Archive.

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