#that series on youtube traumatized me when i was little

[dovewingkinnie]

YES PLEASE GIVE US THE VICTINI STUFF 🙏🙏 (not forcing!!)

(WOOAAHHHH INSANE ANON FACE REVEAL???!!!)

i managed to find these designs.. the plot was that victini ran an underground pokemon fighting arena because fighting was banned in their world, and one day emolga comes in (a literal child actually) and wants to fight.. so victini is like Haha yea right like im gonna let a child fight! (he lets the child fight and continues to profit off of it) the grey one (i forgot the name sob) was emolgas friend who was trying to get her out of the situation but ended up being dragged into it that was the basic plot of it all!! victini does try to commit actual child murder in this but its fineeee

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 425: New Normal

Previously on BnHA: Everyone was all “and with that we conclude our final battle for better or worse!! We will now commence our slow return to the new normal, beginning with our protagonist and deuteragonist who are miraculously more or less intact, albeit exhausted and mildly traumatized. Also the words ‘more or less’ are kind of doing a lot of heavy lifting there.”

Today on BnHA: The Big 3 and Aoyama are OUT. Shinsou is IN. The Tododrama is PENDING, and the mysterious figure in the shadows is UNIDENTIFIED. Also class 1-A finally becomes class 2-A and it only took them 425 chapters and TEN LONG YEARS. Can you imagine if this series had actually run throughout their high school experience like people once expected. “THE YEAR IS 2044 AND MY HERO ACADEMIA IS FINALLY WINDING TO A CLOSE.” There’s an alternate universe somewhere where this actually happened and we were all so very, very tired.

This is once again a shorter than usual reaction summary post, as opposed to my typical page-by-page liveblog. Not gonna have time to do those for a while yet most likely, but like hell am I gonna miss out on the last days of the series, so here we are.

Once again basing this off of @pikahlua’s spoiler translation summary here!

watching the eighteen inch tall Rat Principal standing at a podium overseeing this graduation ceremony is surreal in the most wonderful way. it’s like receiving your diploma from a sentient Funko Pop

I love how they established that Mic sitting there screaming at the top of his lungs is also a beloved U.A. graduation tradition, and that the senpais just roll with it while everyone else is in varying stages of trying to decide if it’s too late to transfer to another school

ngl sometimes I forget that Ochako and Toga were actually the second canonical f/f ship in this series. shoutout to Hadou and her adorable girlfriend whose name I absolutely cannot recall

absolutely wild that Horikoshi gives credit to Rat Principal for coordinating the entire disaster recovery nationwide. are you serious. the “world-famous” Principal Nezu?? you’re telling me this little capybara is effectively the secret president of Japan now or something. when does he even sleep

“the principal made great contributions to quirk morality education” is also a VERY interesting tidbit that I really want to know more about. “hey guys what if we did a better job at teaching people not to be dicks with their quirks” AND JUST LIKE THAT JAPAN WAS SAVED huzzah

“we lost many things, but we gained nothing” is both HILARIOUS and soundly depressing, but I can see what he’s trying to get at. still an odd choice for a graduation speech though. “our job is all about harm reduction, and we couldn’t even do that this time around, but in the future we hope to balance things out and maybe even get some net positive impact going!” lmao. again it’s all true, and in all honesty it’s spectacular that they managed as well as they did, all things considered. and I guess it would have been disingenuous to just ignore the reality of everything this particular school body has been through and pretend like everything is great right now. but I still can’t help feeling like there was probably a more inspiring way to get this message across lol

regardless of what he says, Aizawa 100% either bribed or threatened Rat Principal behind the scenes in order to stay with his class. and will do so again next year. he can and will keep getting away with it. he is never leaving these kids

and the sheer relief from all of them upon hearing it is all the justification he needs. these kids have four thousand nine hundred and seventeen accumulated traumas among them. they don’t need a four thousand nine hundred and eighteenth. this man is their father ffs. MINA WAS CRYING AND EVERYTHING

Kacchan watched that YouTube video about a dozen times until he managed to tie his tie all on his own with the one hand. and he did an amazing job. he’s such a model citizen now

also it looks to me like he has his right arm hidden in a sling underneath his shirt, which is interesting. if I’m not mistaken (and I very well could be, since it’s been a hot minute since I did any BnHA timeline math), the final battle took place sometime in early May, so this chapter is taking place roughly one month later. the hospital chapter took place about a week after the battle, so it’s been about 3-4 weeks since then. I really want to know what kind of shape Kacchan’s arm is in, but I guess Horikoshi will get to it when he gets to it

also, “we all gotta be together today” was a real wakeup call to me in that it gave me just an absolutely ridiculous amount of feels. just a totally unreasonable amount. and it’s like. listen, self. Kacchan has completed his character growth arc. he’s a team player and a leader who loves all his friends and they all love him in return. we’ve known this for years now. it’s an established fact. you can’t keep bursting into tears or whatever every time he shows it. this is no way to live your life. I need an intervention

anyways later this evening class 2-A is gonna have a celebratory movie night in the common room, and Kacchan is gonna fall asleep two minutes in peacefully surrounded by all his classmates, and they’re all gonna nudge each other and smile fondly and cover him with a blanket and stay up until 2am and Aizawa will have no mercy on them the following morning. it’s gonna be so wholesome you guys

(ETA: I decided to go back and have some more feels about this one tiny Kacchan panel, because apparently the four paragraphs I already wrote about it weren't enough. so the thing is, Sero's wonderment at Katsuki being out of the hospital initially read to me as half bemused awe, and half "oh boy, time to get back into our usual rhythm of antagonizing Kacchan!" but my second time around, I can't help remembering that all of Kacchan's classmates got to watch this kid getting tortured and strangled and stabbed through the heart in 4K. like, even if they were busy with their own fights at the time, there's no way they didn't see the footage later on afterwards.

and that had to have been traumatic for them. their friend literally died and was just lying there so still for so long afterwards. and him getting better and going back to his usual asskicking self later on doesn't just erase those memories, you know? especially with him having lasting, permanent damage afterward. not just his arm, even! like who even knows if his heart is going to be okay long term. when people get organ transplants they have to go on immunosuppressants afterwards because otherwise their body will try to attack the replacement organ. so I wonder how exactly it works when it's still your heart, but it's being held together by various bits and pieces of a spindly little floss man. idk, but I bet you it's still pretty rough.

anyway so long story short, I'm now reading this as one-third bemused awe, one-third joking antagonism, and one-third genuine "no seriously, is it okay for you to be here, please don't do anything to put your health at risk because we seriously cannot handle you dying on us again." and Kacchan's not even disagreeing with him lol, which has to be the most concerning thing of all. "they said it's okay if I rest." even he knows he's pushing it, but it was too important of an occasion to miss. anyway please take it easy kiddo.)

Aoyama leaving makes me sad but it makes total sense for his character after what he’s been through. he needs time to sort things out and continue down his own personal honor-regaining journey. respect

also glad to hear that it was his own choice and that both Rat Principal and Nao would have supported him if he stayed. I still to this day do not understand Naomasa’s actual level of authority lol. like, he’s supposedly a detective, and yet he seems to be personally in charge of every single important police operation, on like a national level. and he has the authority to make decisions like letting Aoyama go free. he is the law, literally

Aoyama trying to feed Deku some farewell cheese also took me out. like he just walked in there and was all “sorry everyone, I’m leaving, but I’ll still aim for the path of a hero and will one day return, don’t you worry!” and at some point in the midst of this tearful speech he made a beeline directly to Izuku and tried to give him some cheese that he apparently just had in his pocket or something. and Izuku was all “YEAH!” all solemnly but HE DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH THAT POCKET CHEESE. like he loves you and accepts you for who you are Yuuga but COME ON

at this point in the chapter it also became clear to me that Aizawa has his hair up in some sort of loosely assembled messy bun and that’s why it looks so especially flowing and gorgeous today. this is great cinema

and then AT LONG LAST, the admission of Shinsou into class 2-A. they tried everything they could to keep him out, BUT NOT EVEN THE END OF THE WORLD COULD STOP HIM. his rightful place

Ojiro’s scandalized response to hearing Fuwa refer to Aizawa as “Era-sen”, and then Fuwa subsequently revealing all of Aizawa’s secrets and Aizawa getting flustered and kicking her out, was one of the most delightful sequences I’ve read. “nooooo don’t tell them that, what the hell am I gonna threaten them with now”

Izuku has not even attempted to crack a smile since the final battle, aside from when he was frantically trying to reassure Kacchan in the hospital. I’m worried about him but also loving this a little bit, ngl. I am content to wait for you to eventually have a proper breakdown, mister Greatest Hero

also I singled him out on the whole not-smiling thing, but really this is true for just about all of them. my heart aches :(

were there really so many people freaking out over Izuku’s hair that Horikoshi felt compelled to throw in that “HEY DEKU-KUN, YOU SHAVED YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT DUE TO AN INJURY, RIGHT? BUT IT’LL GROW BACK, RIGHT!?” line in there lol. the hilarious thing is that this chapter was already in the books before 424 was released, so it means that Horikoshi anticipated the backlash ahead of time. the man knows his audience

and now for this mysterious little barefoot man randomly emerging from some rubble somewhere. who are you. fandom already thinks you’re everyone from Tenko to Hisashi lol. my personal theory is that he’s just a random citizen who’s hurt and traumatized and needs help. and unlike what happened with baby Tenko once upon a time, this young man actually will be helped by a hero in his moment of need, and it’ll be all hopeful and stuff because SOCIETY IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER NOW HOORAY

or maybe he really is Tenko, idk. what do I know lol. don’t listen to me

lastly, Shouto out here immediately leaving U.A. after class and ruining my dreams of a class 2-A movie night. FINE THEN. GO AND BE WITH YOUR FAMILY my precious little life preserver. and I’m actually really, really excited to see what their endgame is actually, so yes, Horikoshi, bring it on please and thank you

[edupiii]

*slams head into marble counter top, causing cups to fall onto the floor with the sheer amount of force*

I HAD A THOUGHT. POSSIBLY EVEN A THEORY.

or im just late as hell to the party

Spoiler Warning for Episode 7 of Murder Drones Below

ALRIGHT! Now I KNOW this shit is going to sound kinda crazy but STICK WITH ME HERE PLEASE-

I was just wondering around YouTube and I got this video made by @sutekh94 (sorry if you didn’t wanna be pinged Sutekh, if you’d like i can take the @ out) suggested to me. I watched it cause I like to see what other people say about the cringy media I consume rapidly.

At one point in the video, Sutekh is talking about the end shot of Uzi being in sppaaaaace saying that she was “shot into Copper-9s orbit”. I paused the video and looked at the clip on screen which was this BEAUTIFUL scene. Absolutely stunning.

Now at the end of the new episode I had a brain thought that this could be an outside shot of Copper-9, but then I found that too odd. However, seeing someone else say it has me looking into stuff. So I went through all the times we’ve seen Copper-9 within the series and found that yes, this very much is Copper-9 and Uzi stuck on its orbit:

highlighted circle is of the Little Rock’s orbiting Copper-9 that bump into Uzi

We can see the rock orbits, the space between Copper-9 and the (possible) moons it has. The Saturn moon being close up in the first angle we see from the first episode, but it being far away in the newest episode. This shows the distance and that despite being seen as farther away now, the Saturn moon is still the one we see so commonly in MD during the night.

But I was confused why it was like this? Why would it lead to the planets orbit? I understand the planet has a massive hole in it, but still it seemed like an odd occurrence.

Now- this is where I start sounding like I should never be let outside in public spaces-

Before we see this final scene of Uzi in spaaaacee, we watch The Solver/Fleshaa/Cyn go down that exact same hole saying: “honestly, I’m starving.”

It also references eating earlier on in the episode when talking to N: “Let’s eat.”

The Solver/Fleshaa/Cyn came to Copper-9 to initially get rid of other solver users that it knew of (Uzi and Doll), as well as find the cross with the patched code in it. First it destroyed all possible evidence involving the solver and the patch (scene where it explodes the computers and lockers in episode 7).

Secondly, it goes after Doll. Doll was against the Solver because she refused for it to use her to “eat the planet”, to which Flesha says, “not sure it needs you buddy”, then killing her.

Next it went for Uzi. It was originally going to kill Uzi acting as Tessa, however when N decapitated her that was no longer an option. Instead, it shifted into using Uzis body. At this point, she also has acquired the cross thanks to N. It goes ahead and destroys that too, checking another box off the list.

The Solver then went to kill N but was stopped by Nori, causing there to be a new target added to its hit list. In the fight with Nori and N, the Solver shows little respect for Uzis body. On multiple occasions it try’s to get Uzi killed. It knew N would try to stop this from happening, but even if he didn’t save Uzi, that would still be a win for the Solver.

It then try’s to eat Nori, wanting to get rid of her as quickly as possible since she poses the most threat to its plan. It’s interpreted by N and then loses control over Uzi. However, Uzi then proceeded to PUNT her mom down the flesh hole, resulting in Nori to be checked off the hit list as well since she would be assumed to be dead.

With Nori, Doll and the cross/patch gone and Uzi no longer under its control, the Solver retreats back into its Flesha form, surprise attacking N and Uzi. I would assume that the Solver doesn’t perceive either of these traumatized goobers to be a threat, seeing as it try’s to kill the pair but ultimately fails.

With all other players out of the field, The Solver no longer has anyone it deems as a threat. Dropping down the hole in victory and into Copper-9s orbit.

The Solver as we have seen eats oil, drone cores and human flesh and blood. With all human life (possibly) being wiped out entirely by being eaten, the Solver is starving. The next best option: drones.

Copper-9s current residents are only drones. Specifically worker drones who have no weaponry or Solver powers. The drones have governance over themselves (aka, sentient), so the Solver can’t just brainwash or order them into being eaten. So it plans to do it in one big final swoop.

It has been said on multiple occasions throughout the show: eating the planet, eating worlds, etc. but i (personally) never thought of that being an actual possibility. With the Solver/Flesha/Cyn in the orbit of Copper-9 and all possible obstacles taken care of, it is free to gorge itself on the drone inhabited planet, finally satisfying its endless hunger.

I would think it would do this by creating a NULL void, as the endless void/black hole can be acquainted with the idea of a always starving being. Something that can never be full. Never satisfied. We see this with earth and the core of Copper-9. We can also see this in the other times we have seen the NULL void appearing: a flash back in episode 4, killing the Sentinels in episode 6, it being in the sky in episode 7 during the murder drone apocalypse and probably a bunch of other times I didn’t write down.

The Solver didn’t get to fully eat Copper-9 all those decades ago, but now it’s come to finish its meal.

If this has already been a known thing and im joining in late, i profusely apologize for wasting both your time and my own.

As for a motive for The Solver doing this: to eat. It isn’t fighting for the freedom of drone kind or fighting against humanity because of the way they treated the AI they created, but rather uses drones as vessels and a food source. Often, Eldritch beings have little reason to care for anything. They do what they please and it’s horrifying because there is absolutely no way to deter this force or even try to talk it down. It’s above emotion and morality. It is all that matters and those beneath are seen as nothing but insignificant animals to yield to its power. It doesn’t want to dominate or rule a universe, it just wants to consume it.

[cocogum]

how long have you been watching wakfu

Hey moth ✨✨

I’ve actually been watching Wakfu since 2012.

The first time I heard about it was when I used to have Netflix and even then, that was back when the streaming platform didn’t have Season 2 yet lol

What drew me into watching it was mainly cuz of the cover. This one specifically 👇

It used to only show Yugo opening a portal and because of the style, it made me wonder what the story could be about (at the time I used to think Yugo looked pretty cute so that was also another reason lol).

I remember how my first instinct was switch the language to English when I first watched it. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. The reason why I switched it for english tho was because netflix was primarily English so I thought that the French language of Wakfu wasn’t the main one (and I thought it sucked without even taking a second to listen to it 💀 ) Thankfully, as soon as I heard Alibert and Ruel talking, I IMMEDIATELY went back to the settings cuz I knew I fucked up. I ain’t listening to this trash again lol

So I switched it to French and i realized it was a thousand times BETTER than the English version. That’s when I realized Wakfu was french.

I loved the places and the people. It was something I’ve never seen before. The French dubbing was so smooth and funny I loved it so much. The “fillers”, which let’s be honest weren’t actual fillers, were also so fun to see with the whole gang.

Even at the time, I used to believe there would eventually be something between Amalia and Yugo lol cuz ain’t no way you guys constantly hug like this for the dumbest reasons.

When Season 1 ended, I really hoped they weren’t gonna do us like that because I really wanted a season season. At the time I didn’t think ankama already did Season 2 (since 2011 💀) cuz I thought Netflix was always on time so it took me some time to wait for it but a year passed by and it finally got here!! I was so happy that day you had no idea. I had to wait for a whole year before it dropped so my ass was pretty much traumatized after seeing Dally die for the first time I legit thought that he was gonna come back cuz of Nox’s machine but nope 💀 I remember being so sad when I first saw that ending. I really didn’t want it to end, I got too attached to these guys (Amalia was still my favorite back then cuz she was too relatable)

So i watched Season 2 in 2013 AND I LOVED IT. Again, they couldn’t disappoint me. It just got better from that day on.

That’s when I slowly started to dig deeper into Wakfu because there were so many references to things that Yugo and the others were saying that I didn’t even understand. I then learned that Wakfu was based on an MMORPG with the same name,Wakfu, and that there was a prequel to it, Dofus. I also saw how they even had a side story called “Mini Wakfu” which were just shorts from Season 1. I watched that mini series on youtube back then.

Because of Season 2, I was now sure that there will be more to it because so much has been said and yet so little has been explored. So I waited, bought myself some time by watching other shows.

That’s when the ovas happened.

And oh my god I was not ready for it.

The ovas released in 2016 on Netflix but had already been a thing since 2014. Blame Netflix.

And again, there were so much more references that made me feel so confused like who Otomaï was, Ogrest (who was only a giant mention in Season 1 to me), Maskemane, Echo, Sipho, Harebourg, etc.

I was confused but so intrigued because it made me learn that the Krosmoz was A LOT BIGGER than what I thought it would be. And that’s what I like. I love how a story has multiple timelines, has complex strange plot holes in certain places that makes you want to become a theorizer, has so many diverse characters and relationships. Things like those are why I fell in love with the legend of Zelda and fnaf franchises.

That’s how I learned about the mangas, comics, different games (Dofus, Wakfu, Krosmaga, Dofus touch, minor Dofus games on the App Store, etc.) as well as cancelled games (Islands of Wakfu, Wakfu: Les Gardiens, etc). I even started learning more about the Dofus era by going through Dofus shows like “Dofus : Kerub’s Bazaar”.

Right after the ovas, I watched Goultard’s special episode, Ogrest’s special episode, and Nox’s special episode. Then, I saw the Dofus movie featuring Joris and his mom before watching the show. After, I read the wakfu manga that was supposed to situate itself between Season 2 and the ovas. At the time, there were only four volumes so I binge read them all on a google drive that someone was kind enough to share publicly (that google drive doesn’t exist anymore). All of this happened in 2016 btw.

After that, I waited for more news of Wakfu but my dumbass got sidetracked because of binge watching other shows while waiting. I was joining multiplie fandoms while unconsciously waiting for more of Ankama. And that’s how I missed Season 3 that came out in 2017 💀💀 I’m so dumb my god all I had to do was wait another year but noooo youtube had to show me the new season trailer in 2018 instead!

I went back to Netflix, freaking the hell out, binge watched the whole season, got emotional, loved Oropo for kissing Amalia cuz I knew there’d be drama, absolutely adored the whole percedal family being a family, trying not to laugh at Adamaï’s look for the first time, expecting Ruel to get hard over money, and LOVED the drama between Yugo and Amalia. I WAS A FAN OF THEIR SHIP SINCE SEASON 1 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD which is why I was so happy that we finally got to see so much more of their problems being addressed.

After that, I knew I needed more so I went back to reading comics. I bought the actual volumes 1 to 4 of the wakfu manga (because I wanted to have a physical copy of them even though I already read the story) and then waited for the fifth one. As soon as volume 5 released in 2019 (July 4), I TOOK IT FROM AMAZON’S HANDS CUZ VOLUME 4 WAS KILLING ME WITH IT’S ENDING- (I’ve been waiting since 2016, I wasn’t gonna wait any longer).

In 2020, I joined the best wakfu amino on the amino app, and then mainly went looking for Ankama related things like their anime Radiant (I started reading the manga first and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT FOR ITS ORIGINALITY. But I still can’t believe that it got released back in 2013 tho…) and then watched the anime that came out for it (the opening song was good but I hate how the anime changed some things to the story. The manga is better but the anime gets its fair share of popularity so I guess that’s good).

In 2021-2022 I think that’s where I heard about the kickstarter for Wakfu Season 4 and I was mind blown when I saw the trailer for it.

In 2023, I bought Ogrest’s volumes 1 to 4 because I’ve been waiting to read and know more about Ogrest and what was the deal with the Sadida dolls since I heard about those from some people. My god the manga was so good!! I’m still waiting for that volume 5 but I’m extremely certain that it will come very soon now since Mig, the illustrator for the Ogrest manga, has been giving small sneak peeks here and there lately. It was also in the same year that I learned about the One More Gate game and watched Oropo’s special episode.

Then came 2024. And that’s where I went ape shit. Now you know everything ✨

The latest thing I bought from Ankama shop in 2024 now was the standard version of the Amalia figurine, the vinyl disc pack containing Krosmoz osts, and the Wakfu S3 artbook (tho the artbook was actually not something that you can find in the Ankama shop. I had to dig deep on Amazon and find a seller willing to give it away).

So yeah my history with Wakfu is a pretty messy one and has always been all over the place mainly because I was so slow back then to realize when the releases were happening and how the lore was actually constructed lol

Like it took me so much time to understand that Wakfu was only one piece of a bigger puzzle set and being unaware of so many things back then is still something I tend to regret. I understand that it was because I was still a snotty kid back then who didn’t know much about the internet but I can’t help myself to think how easy it was to keep up the pace 💀

At least I won’t have to think I’m late anymore because I’ve got a better idea of how it all works now.

Wakfu has been playing a huge part in my life because it’s always been at the back of my mind no matter what fandom I was in at the time. Sure, it was at the back burner but I never had the intention of forgetting about it. It holds way too many memories of the simpler times and has a lot of great ideas I think I’ve never seen other shows have.

[kingofbodyrolls]

Coming Home (m) | PJM | Part two

When your best friend, Park Jimin, who you’ve had a crush on since forever, suggests you stay at his house to heal and find yourself again after a series of traumatizing events had haunted you for years, you don’t hesitate to accept. Within those walls, a safe haven is woven, where wounds can heal and memories find release. As he nurtures your shattered spirit, an unexpected intimacy unfurls, leaving the fragile barrier between friendship and deeper emotions in question - can you keep your feelings hidden?

→ Pairing: Jimin x reader (female, “Y/N”) → Other characters: Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, OC (female, she is the therapist) and another OC (male, he is the perp). Also readers parents and mention of Jimin's. → AUs: Best friends to lovers!au, detective!jimin → Genres/themes: thriller/dark, yandere vibes, slice of life, healing after trauma, angst, smut and fluff. → Rating: mature/explicit/R18 → Word count: 18,5k → Warnings: Mention of past abuse and sexual assault (r*pe), attempted sexual assault, trauma, stalking, fighting, trust issues, insecurities, slightly thriller vibes, angst, fluff, explicit smut (multiple scenes), kissing, cuddling, unprotected sex (stay safe - OC’s on the pill), penetrative sex, oral sex (both), masturbation (female), mention of masturbation (male), breast play, blowjob, fingering, slice of lice, healing after trauma (including therapy sessions), guns, BIG feelings, protective Jimin, previous character death (a parent), Jimin being soft and loving, self defense, humor, degrading words (whore and bitch). → Disclaimer about warnings: I know nothing about sexual or physical abuse (I only know psychological because I experienced that, not in a sexual context though). This story is fiction, I do not mean to say that this is how one would go through their emotions or handle this situation. This is a delicate and fragile subject, so proceed with caution. I also know nothing about police work or the work in emergency/hospitals. Also, I don’t own BTS or know how they would act in a similar situation. This story is purely fiction, a fragment of my imagination. They just inspire me so much 💜

Cross posted to AO3!

→ Taglist: @thelilbutifulthings

← previous | s.masterlist | m.masterlist | next →

In the weeks that followed the 'princess' incident, you and Jimin had grown even closer, your friendship strengthening with each passing day. 

The heart-to-heart conversation you had after that fateful day had cleared the air between you, allowing you both to navigate through the awkwardness and vulnerability.

The two of you settled into a comfortable routine. 

While Jimin worked, you continued to explore the vast realm of entertainment on his laptop. You immersed yourself in the mesmerizing world of YouTube, delving into weird videos, heartwarming stories, and everything in between. 

The laptop became your portal to countless adventures, making the days fly by in a blur of laughter and enjoyment.

You found solace in the familiar comfort of TV shows and movies, their captivating narratives providing an escape from the haunting memories that occasionally resurfaced. 

Music became your constant companion, filling the room with melodies that both soothed and uplifted your soul.

But Jimin was more than just a provider of entertainment; he was also your guide to the outside world. 

The first time he took you out, you were a little hesitant, unsure of what to expect after being confined to the safety of his home. But Jimin's reassuring presence and infectious enthusiasm quickly put you at ease.

Watching a movie together in the theater felt like an adventure, as you savored every moment of shared laughter and excitement. 

It was a simple outing, but it held a deeper significance for you, a reminder that life could still be filled with joy and new experiences.

The walk in the park was a breath of fresh air, quite literally. The sun kissed your cheeks, and the gentle breeze whispered soothing melodies in your ears. 

With Jimin by your side, the world felt less daunting, and the shadows of the past seemed to retreat further into the corners of your mind.

With each passing day, you found yourself falling deeper into the warmth of Jimin's friendship. 

The unrequited feelings you had once harbored began to transform into something different, something more profound and meaningful. But you held back, still afraid to jeopardize the beautiful connection you had with him. 

Despite the fear, you couldn't help but wonder if Jimin felt the same way. There were moments, fleeting glances and gentle touches, that seemed to hint at a deeper affection. 

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, your friendship with Jimin continued to flourish. 

You cherished the time spent together, the laughter, the shared moments of vulnerability, and the unspoken understanding that bound you.

The days with Jimin had become a delightful blend of warmth and confusion, with each passing moment blurring the lines between friendship and something more. It felt like a cozy domesticity that tugged at your heartstrings, making you ache with repressed feelings you could no longer ignore. 

Jimin's kind and gentle nature had captured your heart again, and you found yourself falling deeper into your love for him. 

You and Jimin were inseparable now, doing almost everything together. The more time you spent with him, the harder it became to suppress your ever-growing crush. 

You wondered how he could be so wonderfully caring and affectionate, making your heart skip a beat with every sweet gesture. You couldn't help but love him for all that he was.

But as your feelings transitioned from 'like' to 'love,' you found yourself grappling with uncertainty. 

Did he feel the same way? Or were his acts of kindness merely expressions of friendship? 

You desperately sought clues in his actions, hoping for a sign that his feelings went beyond what you saw on the surface.

The small acts of love he showered on you only added to the confusion. 

The way he prepared food for you, touched your cheek with a lingering touch, and embraced you in warm hugs left your heart racing. 

Those moments were tender and intimate, blurring the boundaries between friendship and something deeper. You sometimes caught him lingering, lost in thought, while cooking. The food would burn, a rare sight for the perfectionist that he was. 

It was amusing and endearing, and it made your heart flutter to think that you might be the reason behind his occasional absent-mindedness.

But you were afraid to act on your feelings without clear confirmation from him. The fear of jeopardizing the precious friendship you shared kept you from making the first move. 

You longed for him to express his feelings, to give you a sign that he felt the same way. 

Yet, deep down, you knew that might never happen. 

And so, you found solace in the friendzone, creating odd displays of affection in an attempt to bridge the gap between friendship and romance. 

The nights where he spooned you until you fell asleep, because your anxiety kept you up, left your mind in a whirlwind of emotions. 

With his dick pressed up against your ass, making it entirely difficult to sleep. Yet, you cherished those intimate moments, secretly hoping they held more meaning than mere friendship.

Deciding to take a leap of faith and seek some answers, you grab your phone and shoot a message to Jimin's friend, Hoseok. 

The cheerful and beaming man had shared his number with you a while back, eager to keep in touch and check on your well-being. 

With a mix of excitement and nerves, you compose a convincing message, hoping to meet up with him for coffee.

You [10.07 am]: Hi Hobi! Do you have time to grab a cup of coffee soon? 😀

Hoseok [10.10 am]: Hi Y/N! I have time right now, I’m off shift. We can meet at the coffee place downtown in 10 😉

You [10.12 am]: Great! See you in 10 🙂

Rushing to gather your things, you throw your phone, keys, and a few essentials into your bag. In your haste, you slip into your favorite pair of sneakers and grab your trusty jacket before locking the door behind you. 

Your heart flutters with anticipation as you jog downtown, feeling the adrenaline pumping through your veins and your breath quickening.

Arriving at the coffee shop, you peer through the windows to spot Hoseok already seated at a table with two cups of coffee. 

The sight of him brings a mix of comfort and excitement. 

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, your spent legs urging you forward. With each step, you feel a blend of nervousness and eagerness. 

Finally, you push open the door and step inside, feeling the warmth of the coffee shop envelop you. You approach Hoseok's table, trying to suppress the flutter of butterflies in your stomach. He greets you with a warm smile, his eyes twinkling with genuine friendliness. 

As you take a seat across from the off-duty paramedic, you can't help but wonder if he senses the turmoil brewing inside you.

“Thank you for meeting me,” you say, still out of breath, a smile gracing your lips as you wrap your fingers around the warm coffee cup, relishing its comforting heat. 

Taking a sip, you let out a soft sigh of contentment. “Thanks for this,” you add with gratitude.

Hoseok chuckles, mirroring your actions as he sips his own coffee. “You're welcome,” he replies, his voice carrying a friendly warmth.

“What's on your mind?” he goes straight to the point, his curiosity evident in the sparkle of his eyes. You let out a small laugh, feeling a flutter of nervousness about discussing your feelings. Yet, you decide to be honest and straightforward, not beating around the bush.

“I think I have feelings for Jimin,” you state, your voice tinged with insecurity as you glance down at your coffee cup, almost afraid to meet Hoseok's gaze.

His response catches you off guard, as he bursts into genuine laughter, the sound infectious. You look up, dumbfounded, and ask, “How do you know?” genuinely curious about his insight.

“It's easy to put two and two together,” Hoseok explains, his laughter still bubbling beneath his words. He seems thoroughly amused by the revelation.

“Do you think, or do you know?” he inquires, his tone turning serious.

“I know,” you reply with certainty, admitting that you've been harboring these feelings for Jimin for quite some time.

“I’m afraid to say anything to him. I’m not sure he feels the same…” you begin to fidget with your cup, circling it around in your hands.

This only seems to intensify Hoseok's laughter, and he has to hold his stomach, the mirth almost overwhelming him. You cross your arms in displeasure, pouting at his reaction.

“He 100% likes you, Y/N,” Hoseok assures, struggling to compose himself as he tries to convey the sincerity of his statement.

“Nah, you're shitting me” you retort, still not fully believing what you're hearing, crossing your arms tighter almost unconsciously.

Hoseok continues to chuckle, his gaze unwavering as he looks directly at your face. 

“Damn, you must really be blind, girl” he says playfully, amused by your baffled expression.

As Hoseok's words sink in, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions floods your mind. 

Does Jimin really like you? 

You find yourself replaying all the moments you've spent with him, analyzing each affectionate gesture and word. Frustration mixes with hope as you try to make sense of it all, and before you know it, a snort of laughter escapes your lips, surprising even yourself. 

Hoseok joins in, his laughter never having ceased, and you both share a lighthearted moment amidst the weight of your revelation. 

The coffee shop becomes a sanctuary for sharing stories and experiences. 

You find comfort in talking to Hoseok, someone who knows Jimin well, and you discuss your lives and the challenges of your respective careers. The conversation flows effortlessly, and you discover a newfound camaraderie with Hoseok. 

As he shares tales of their paramedic work and the occasional antics at the hospital, you can't help but laugh at some of the more absurd incidents they've encountered.

As the minutes turn into hours, you realize that this impromptu meeting with Hoseok has provided you with much-needed clarity and a sense of reassurance. 

You now feel more confident in confronting your feelings for Jimin, ready to address any uncertainties that may have been holding you back.

As you stroll leisurely back home, you can't help but feel a mischievous grin spread across your lips. 

The knowledge that Jimin may have feelings for you ignites a playful spark within you. You decide to indulge in a little teasing and see how he reacts.

You begin preparing the ingredients for the vegetarian lasagna, humming a cheerful tune to yourself. The thought of Jimin's possible feelings adds an extra spring to your step.

As the lasagna starts to bake in the oven, you decide to set the stage for a playful evening. You change into a cute, slightly flirty outfit that showcases your best features. 

With a knowing smile, you glance at yourself in the mirror, feeling confident and ready for whatever the night may bring.

When Jimin returns home, he's greeted by the inviting scent of Italian food. 

As he approaches, you're busy cleaning up, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness in his presence. The sound of his footsteps grows closer, and before you know it, his arms wrap around you from behind. 

He eyes your outfit, a flowy dress that barely covers your ass and  shows off your cleavage. You were going to be the death of him.

His warm embrace envelops you, and you can't help but lean into his touch, relishing the feeling of his strong arms around you. 

He nuzzles his face against your ear, and you can feel his warm breath tickling your skin, sending shivers down your spine. His familiar vanilla scent mixed with the subtle aroma of coffee fills your senses, making your heart skip a beat.

“It smells good, what are you making?” he murmurs, his voice soft and soothing, like a warm caress to your soul.

You turn around to face him, your heart fluttering in your chest at the sight of his affectionate gaze. “Vegetarian lasagna,” you reply, trying to steady your voice, which feels shaky in his presence.

He smiles, and the look in his eyes intensifies with admiration. 

“You never cease to amaze me,” he says, his voice a gentle whisper that only adds to the intimacy of the moment as his eyes linger a moment too long on your cleavage.

As Jimin diligently cleans the dishes, you find yourself lost in the pleasant afterglow of the dinner, relishing the warmth and comfort of your shared space. The soft sound of running water and clinking dishes forms a soothing background to your thoughts. You can't help but smile to yourself, feeling a newfound sense of closeness with Jimin. 

“Thanks for making dinner,” he says with a grateful smile, reaching over to gently nudge your shoulder.

“Of course” you reply, your heart warming at his appreciation. 

“I actually enjoyed cooking tonight. Maybe I should do it more often?” you add playfully, secretly hoping for more opportunities to share moments like these with him.

Jimin's eyes light up with excitement. “I'd love that” he says sincerely, and you notice the way his gaze lingers on you, as if he can't get enough of simply being in your presence.

As you follow Jimin into the living room, you can't help but admire the way the soft glow of the lamps casts a warm ambiance, creating a cozy atmosphere that feels like home. 

He settles on the couch, patting the empty space beside him, inviting you to join him. You happily oblige, sinking into the comfort of the cushions, feeling a sense of ease wash over you as you snuggle up close to him.

Jimin scrolls through the movie options on his phone, and you can't help but sneak glances at him, admiring the way his eyes crinkle in concentration. It's moments like these that make your heart swell with affection, cherishing every bit of time you get to spend together.

As the movie starts, you both settle into a comfortable silence, the sound of the movie filling the room. Jimin's warmth envelops you, and you find yourself leaning closer to him, feeling his steady heartbeat against your side. 

It's occasions like these when you realize just how much you enjoy his company—how effortlessly you fit together, as if you were made to be side by side.

A yawn escapes Jimin, and you can't help but smile at his adorable drowsiness. 

“Long day?” you ask softly, running your fingers through his hair, thinking he’ll probably fall asleep on the couch again.

“Yeah, but I want to spend time with you even though I’m tired” he replies with a sleepy grin, making your heart flutter.

“I can give you a massage,” you blurt out, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you can second-guess yourself. 

You hope he'll agree, not only to soothe his tired body but also to find a way to be close to him. Jimin's eyes flicker with surprise, and you could have sworn you caught a hint of a blush before it disappeared. 

His reaction makes you internally giddy, but you do your best to keep your composure. 

“You don't have to,” he mumbles, and you can sense his embarrassment. But you shake your head, determined to offer him this small act of care and affection.

“I know it will help you relax. Now give me your feet,” you say, your voice gentle yet firm. You want him to understand that you genuinely want to do this for him.

Jimin's heart races wildly as you take his foot into your hands. 

He can't believe he agreed to this massage, not when he knows how much of a risk it is for his self-control. 

Your touch is gentle yet firm, and he feels a shiver run down his spine as your fingers glide smoothly over his skin.

He watches you closely, trying to gauge your reaction, but you seem focused on your task. As you start rubbing long strides along his foot, Jimin can't help but tense up under your touch.

It feels oddly intimate, and he tries to suppress the gasp that threatens to escape his lips. But when a small moan slips past his defenses, he can't hide the pleasure your massage is giving him. 

He quickly bites down on his bottom lip, trying to muffle any further sounds of delight. 

He doesn't want you to know the effect you're having on him, afraid that it might make things awkward between you.

You continue with the massage, and Jimin's mind races with conflicting emotions. 

On one hand, he wants you to stop because he's not sure he can handle the sensations you're stirring in him. On the other hand, he never wants this moment to end, cherishing the closeness you're sharing.

Jimin's mind races with a mix of pleasure and panic as your hands work their magic on his feet. But as the sensations intensify, he can't help but find his thoughts wandering to a more intimate territory. 

He tries to suppress the images forming in his mind, attempting to think about mundane things, work, and anything else that might distract him from the pleasure he feels. 

But it's no use. 

Your touch is too gentle, too tantalizing, and his body betrays him with a twitch between his legs. 

He bites down on his bottom lip, hoping you won't notice the internal struggle he's facing.

You focus on the task at hand, trying to provide him with some relief and relaxation. 

Jimin, on the other hand, is struggling to keep his composure. 

The pleasurable sensations shooting up his body are too much to handle, and he can't shake the dirty images forming in his mind. 

He knows he shouldn't be thinking about such things, especially not when you're just trying to be a good friend. But your gentle touch and the closeness between you are making it increasingly difficult for him to control his desires.

As you continue to massage Jimin's foot, your attention remains solely focused on providing him comfort and relaxation. 

Your innocent demeanor doesn't give away any hint of the effect your touch is having on him. Jimin's heart races as he watches you, trying desperately to hide his growing desire.

He clears his throat nervously, hoping to distract you from what's happening to him. 

Swiftly, he grabs a throw blanket and a pillow, creating a makeshift barrier to conceal his body's response. 

He drapes the blanket over his stomach and thighs, attempting to hide the evidence of his arousal. The pillow on his lap serves as an extra layer of protection, shielding his growing embarrassment from your view. 

You don't seem to notice his actions, engrossed in your task, still completely oblivious to the effect you're having on him. Jimin can't help but admire your innocence and pure intentions. He knows that you're just being caring and kind, and he doesn't want to ruin the moment by making things awkward.

“Is it good?” you look up at him, smiling like a kid on christmas morning. 

How the fuck don’t you know what you are doing to him? 

He manages to nod his head while he tries to suppress the moans threatening to leave his lips. 

The ten minutes you massage his right foot seem to stretch into eternity and he doesn't know if he should feel relief when you shove the foot away only to grab his left one. 

You give that foot the same attention as the first. 

When you deem it enough, you shove his foot away and give him a pleased smile. 

As you finish massaging his left foot, he feels a mix of relief and disappointment. Relief that the intense sensations have finally come to an end, but disappointment because a part of him secretly wished it would continue. 

He tries to hide his conflicting emotions behind a small smile, unsure if you can see through his facade.

“Thanks for the massage,” he says, trying to sound casual as he readjusts the blanket on his lap. 

“You're really good at it” maybe he can finally excuse himself to the bathroom. But the reprieve he seeks is interrupted when you tell him to turn around and face his back to you. 

He looks at you flabbergasted, while he does his best to hide his shock and embarrassment, “What?”

“I want to massage your back. You have been sitting at your desk a lot today, no? You slouch more than usual” you point towards his shoulders with a loving smile.

He blushes and feels his chest tighten at your thoughtfulness. 

He nods, because you are right; he had spent all day at his desk doing paperwork. 

Getting his back, shoulders and neck massaged would ease up all the knots, so he decides to turn around, almost choking on a groan. 

He feels your hands on his back and wonders if he should take his shirt off. “Keep it on” you say with a light chuckle as you press your fingers softly into his back. He lets out a nervous chortle as you seem to read his mind. 

You grab and press at his back muscles, kneading him like bread. 

It feels so good he has to bite his lip again, to muffle the noises threatening to escape his traitorous mouth. 

When you get to his shoulders, you curl your hands under his shirt to have better access. You feel many knots under his shoulder blades and knead away. Then you place your delicate fingers on his neck and he feels his dick twitch again. 

He is really trying so hard to not get aroused, but you are making it so damn hard for him. A loud moan escapes his lips and he immediately puts his hand up to cover his mouth. 

“Are you okay?” you try to lift yourself from your sitting position behind him to look at his face, but you can’t really see him from this angle. 

He nods frantically, not trusting his mouth to not betray him again. You keep massaging him some more until you feel you have worked out every single knot in his sore muscles. 

“All done,” you say while you make a loud yawn, stretching your hands over your head.

Jimin clears his throat and gives you a light ‘thank you’ while he stands up with his back to you. 

“I just have to use the bathroom. I’ll be back real quick,” he excuses himself and walks away in a hurry. 

He hisses at the sight between his legs when he gets into the bathroom. His erected cock is mocking him, as he was unable to control his desire for you. 

Hopefully, you didn’t notice anything weird. But now he had to take care of his predicament before you thought the time he spent in the bathroom was too long. 

The exhaustion finally catches up with you, and your body surrenders to the overwhelming tiredness. Your eyes flutter closed, and you sink deeper into the soft embrace of the couch. The TV's flickering light becomes a mere blur as sleep starts to claim you.

Jimin emerges from the bathroom with shame filling his body. 

He can’t believe he had to jerk himself off to lewd images of you, to get his dick to calm down.

You would probably be grossed out, if you knew what he had done. 

You are his best friend, what is wrong with him? 

When he reaches the couch he finds you sleeping peacefully letting out small delicate breaths. 

He smiles to himself as the shame from earlier is replaced with yearning and affection. He walks to your sleeping form and reaches down to grab you in his arms, then walks to your bedroom and puts you down, covering you with your duvet and a kiss on your forehead.

As the days turn into months, the bond between you and Jimin only grows stronger, entwining your lives in a beautiful dance of friendship and sexual frustration.

Laughter echoes through the halls of his home, filling the space with joy and warmth.

Yet, beneath the surface, there's an undercurrent of emotions that both of you are afraid to address. The unspoken feelings between you tangle and twist, a delicate web of desire, uncertainty, and affection. 

Jimin yearns to tell you how he feels, but fear of rejection holds him back. And you, in turn, have your own insecurities, unsure if risking your friendship is worth the chance of something more.

But despite the unspoken, the love in the air is palpable. 

Others can see it, feel it in the way you look at each other, in the way you unconsciously gravitate towards one another, and in the warmth that radiates when you share the same space.

As the days stretched into weeks, and months, you found yourself growing more at ease in Jimin's home. 

The initial fear of overstaying your welcome began to dissipate as he made you feel like a cherished guest, not an intrusion. Still, a tiny part of you couldn't shake the thought of getting a place of your own, but the fear of the unknown lingered like a shadow. 

The unsolved mystery of the perpetrator added to your unease. The thought of being alone in a new place made your heart race, and you found solace in the familiarity and safety of Jimin's home. 

He never pressed you to leave, instead offering his reassurance that you were welcome to stay for as long as you needed.

In the dimly lit office of your psychologist, Chin-Sun, you take a deep breath, your hands slightly trembling in your lap. 

The soft hum of the air conditioning seems to echo your nervousness, but you're determined to open up about something that has been weighing heavily on your heart - Jimin.

Chin-Sun sits across from you, her warm gaze encouraging you to speak your mind. The past few months had been a journey of self-discovery, thanks to her guidance. 

You had made significant progress, delving into past traumas and fears, but this was different. This was about your feelings for Jimin, a subject you had kept hidden, even from Chin-Sun.

“I...I've been feeling something for my best friend, Jimin,” you start hesitantly, your voice barely above a whisper. “It's more than just friendship, and it's been growing bigger with time.”

She leans forward, her eyes attentive and compassionate. “Tell me more about these feelings, Y/N” she encourages, her soothing tone offering you a safe space to unload your emotions.

You take a deep breath, trying to articulate the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you, “It's like... I care about him so much, more than I can put into words. I find myself drawn to him in ways I can't explain. When we're together, it's like the world fades away, and there's just this connection between us, this unspoken understanding.”

As you speak, the knots in your chest begin to loosen, and you continue to pour out your heart to Chin-Sun. 

You recount the moments spent with Jimin - the laughter, the stolen glances, and the way his touch makes your heart flutter. The uncertainty of his feelings for you gnaws at you, but you're grateful for the bond you share.

“I just don't know if he feels the same way,” you confess, vulnerability lacing your words. 

“Hoseok said he does, but... I don't want to misinterpret anything. What if it ruins our friendship?”

Chin-Sun's gentle smile reassures you. 

“It's natural to fear the unknown, Y/N. But remember, expressing your feelings doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing situation. You've built a strong foundation of friendship with Jimin, and he cares about you deeply.” 

She hands you a tissue as tears well up in your eyes, “Talking to him about your feelings might open up a new chapter in your relationship. It's okay to take that risk, as long as you're true to yourself.”

You nod, taking in her advice, “I just wish I could be sure of his feelings before I say anything.”

She smiles warmly, “Sometimes, we have to trust our hearts and take that leap of faith. If you don't share your feelings, you might always wonder 'what if?' You deserve to know where this connection could lead.”

You let out an airy exhale, feeling the lump in your throat grow with every word you speak, “But... I'm afraid to confess, because I'm damaged and broken. I... I can't give him what he deserves.” 

The vulnerability in your words hangs in the air, and you see empathy reflected in Chin-Sun's eyes, "Y/N, none of us are perfect. We all carry our scars, our past experiences. It doesn't make you any less deserving of love or happiness.”

“But what if he sees my flaws and decides he doesn't want someone like me romantically?” you ask, your voice cracking with emotion. “I don't want to burden him with my baggage” you say in a definitive voice, trying to keep your feelings at bay.

Chin-Sun leans forward, her gaze unwavering. “You deserve love and care, just like anyone else. And the right person will see you for who you are and embrace every part of you.”

You let out a sigh, the tear that had escaped now followed by others. “I'm afraid of losing him, Chin-Sun. He means so much to me, and I don't want to risk our friendship.”

“It's understandable to feel that way,” she responds softly. “But remember, holding onto your feelings might also come with regrets. You have the right to express yourself, to be honest about what's in your heart.”

As Chin-Sun offers her wisdom, you feel a sense of reassurance wash over you. Maybe it's finally time to confront your fears, to take that leap and open your heart to Jimin.

“Confessing is scary, but it's also liberating,” she adds, her voice gentle yet firm. “No matter the outcome, you will have been true to yourself, and that is a gift you can give yourself.”

You take a deep breath, finding courage in her words. “Thank you, Chin-Sun,” you say, a glimmer of hope in your eyes. “I think... I'm ready to take that leap.”

“Also, you said that you couldn’t give him what he deserves. What exactly do you feel he deserves, that you can’t give him?” 

The soft glow of the therapy room gives you a sense of comfort, but the question is anything but. You fidget with your hands, trying to find the right words to express the inner turmoil you've been grappling with.

You swallow hard and run a hand through your hair, your voice is meek and your eyes dart back to your feet, “I think he deserves to get sex.” 

At your revelation, you feel your eyes tear up again as you had been holding that thought to yourself for so long. You feel vulnerable and exposed, as you wait for her to give you her insight.

She gives you a comforting look, “Y/N, sex is not supposed to be something that you just ‘give’ to the other person, like some sort of transaction. I know that this subject is gray for you, with your trauma. I know it makes it harder. But sex with the right person, and when you want to, might I add, can feel so beautiful and transcendent,” she says with a soft smile and hope lingering in her voice.

You nod and you know that intimacy is a subject that is hard for you. 

But when you think about your attraction for Jimin, you also feel a raw, carnal sexual pull, and you don’t know how to act on these feelings. As frustration fills your body, you blurt, “I want to have sex with him, but I’m afraid.” 

You huff out a frustrated sigh, well now you let the cat out of the bag didn’t ya? 

Chin-Sun looks at you with eyes as big as saucers and she lets out a slight chuckle. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I didn’t mean to be insensitive. It’s just. Talk to him first, and take things one step at a time,” she says reassuringly.

“And if the time comes, there’s also many other ways to be intimate, than sex” she adds with a hopeful smile.

As you leave the therapy session, determination fills your heart. 

You've decided to face your fears and confess your feelings to Jimin, knowing that whatever the outcome, it's a step toward embracing your true feelings.

As you lay in your bed, the rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains, you can't help but let your mind wander to thoughts of Jimin. 

Memories of the times you've spent together flood your thoughts, and you find yourself replaying the moments when he was there for you, offering comfort and support. The sound of his laughter echoes in your mind as you recall the funny moments you shared. 

You remember the warmth of his touch, how his hand would rest on your shoulder or how he'd give you a reassuring hug when you needed it the most.

As you ponder his actions and gestures, you can't shake the feeling that there's something more to his kindness. 

The way he looks at you sometimes, the small smiles that seem to linger a little longer when you're around, they all make your heart skip a beat. 

Your thoughts drift to the countless times he's made you feel safe and at ease. He's become your anchor. He's seen you at your most vulnerable, yet he's never turned away or judged you. Instead, he's offered nothing but compassion and love.

A soft sigh escapes your lips as you realize just how much your feelings for Jimin have grown deeper than you ever expected. 

You’re afraid to admit it to yourself even, but deep down, you know that you’ve fallen for him, hard. 

The thought of him makes your cheeks blush and your heart flutter with excitement. Your mind drifts to his incredible physique; thick thighs that you’re sure is heaven to sit on, to his plum lips, so damn inviting and kissable. 

Fuck. 

His muscular legs, and you wonder if he is as physically fit as he was in college. 

Shit, you think back to the day you massaged his back and now you’re imagining what he must look like underneath his shirt. 

Oh, these are dangerous thoughts. 

Frustration settles in your body as you register something wet between your thighs. Your hips roll upwards, searching for any kind of friction. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! 

His pink plush lips, bitten and swollen, kissing you hungrily. His tongue asks permission to enter your mouth, as he rolls his clothed erection against your core. 

You feel the arousal building so damn fast, you can’t keep up. 

You tilt your head back, hitting the wall as you let out a frustrated sigh. 

The room suddenly feels twice as hot as it did before and you are desperate to cool down. In a hurried motion, you lift your hips and pull down both your leggings and pink lace panties. 

Finally feeling like the temperature is bearable, you open your legs with your pussy on full display. Hissing and panting, your right hand crawls down between your thighs and when you eventually reach your clit, you moan deliriously.

The office is dimly lit as Jimin sits at his desk, his head resting heavily on his hand. The weight of the day’s failures seems to press down on him, and he can’t shake off the frustration that’s been building up inside him. 

Despite his best efforts, the perpetrator responsible for your trauma still eludes them, and it gnaws at him like an incessant itch he can’t scratch. 

He glances at the clock on the wall, the hands ticking away relentlessly, reminding him of the precious time slipping through his fingers. With a sigh, he decides to call it a day, realizing that his throbbing headache is not going to subside anytime soon. 

As he drives home, the streets pass in a blur of city lights and distant chatter. His mind is still fixated on the case, on the need to protect you, to bring peace to your life. 

He wishes he could erase the fear that’s been lurking in the back of your mind ever since the abduction. 

He turns off the car and unlocks the door to his house with both a tired mind and body. 

Normally his police department got results so damn fast, it seems unbelievable, so he can’t for the life of him, understand why they haven’t solved your case yet. 

Dissatisfied, he walks inside and throws his bag next to the counter in the kitchen, when he all of a sudden hears some strangled moans. 

Piqued and alert, he walks further into the house, searching for the location of the sounds. 

“Y/N, are you alright?” he almost yells and his nervousness for your safety only grows stronger as you don’t answer. 

Expertly, he makes his way to your bedroom door, and for a second he contemplates if he should draw his gun, but decides against it. 

For a moment, he stands against the door, listening for the sounds, wondering if you are in distress. 

Forcefully, he grabs the handle and bursts into the room with too much momentum and when his eyes land on your half naked body, he halts in his tracks. 

You. 

Sitting there with your head thrown back against the wall, your slender fingers fiercely rubbing on your clit. 

His eyes widen in shock, and when your eyes meet his, his brain short circuits. 

He can feel his heartbeat all the way in his ears, and he is sure that his face must be completely red as his eyes still linger. 

You don’t seem to stop, too caught up in your own arousal to care. 

“Fuck! I’m so sorry!” he moves a hand to cover his curious eyes, but he can still hear you working your fingers on your clit as squelching sounds fill his ears and blood goes straight south to his dick. 

Why the fuck are you still touching yourself, he wonders. 

He can feel his dick twitch in his pants, but begins to walk backwards, “Sorry, I’ll leave you to it.” 

As you dart your eyes up and see him leaving, panic overtakes you, and you stop your ministrations, “Stop!”

Jimin freezes and removes the hand covering his face, locking eyes with you, seeing the disheveled look on your face and blown-out pupils. 

He notices his own ragged breathing as his body stiffen. 

“Don’t go.” 

You plead with a pout and moan, your hand stretched out for him. 

“Stay.” 

The word feels heavy and dangerous but it ignites a flame inside Jimin, as he moves closer to you. 

You spread your legs further apart, inviting him in, “Watch.”

Jimin can’t take his eyes off you. 

Dammit, he knows this is wrong, but you asked him to stay, and he would do anything for you.

He nears your bed with his half erect dick, sits down, watching you with hooded eyes as you rub circles on your clit. 

With the man of your desire finally before you, and between your legs nonetheless, you feel the pit in your stomach build. You feel the tell-tale sign of your impending orgasm, as Jimin’s mere presence is multiplying your arousal. 

Jimin watches you in awe, as you work your clit, thrusting your hips up into the air in search of more friction. 

Your lewd noises are making his dick throb with need, wanting attention. He wants to grab his dick, stroke it and masturbate with you, but you told him to watch, so he tries to keep his attention on only you.

“Mmmh, Jiminie,” you moan, and it sends chills down his spine, hearing you call his name like that. 

Fuck. 

He locks eyes with yours, filled with so much bliss, trying to figure out what you want.

“Touch me.” 

You say, letting a drawn out moan escape your mouth as pleasure builds in you.

Jimin doesn’t hesitate, you don’t have to tell him twice. 

He surges forward in a crawl and hovers over your sitting position on the bed. 

He kneels before you, unsure what exactly you want him to do. He doesn’t want to impose his own desires on you. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, as he hovers dangerously close to your panting lips. 

You let out a desperate ‘please’ and he leaps forward, placing his plush lips against your own, capturing you in a delicate and passionate kiss. The kiss speaks mountains, as you are sure you can feel his adoration for you in it. He’s careful not to push you, setting the pace slow, and giving you room to take control. 

When he breaks the kiss in search of air, you hurriedly find his lavish lips again, this time hungry for more. You feel needy, grinding up into his thick thighs. 

You break the kiss then, quivering, with a fucked out expression on your face, “Jimin, I need you.” 

He looks at you, aroused, “Where?”

“Between my legs. I want your fucking lips on my pussy,” you say in the midst of bucking your hips against him. He parts his lips, and his tongue darts out to lick against his swollen pillowy lips. 

A hand runs through his black hair, while he nibs at his lower lip and breaths out through his nose. 

Fuck. 

This is risky, he thinks. 

But he nods all the same, wanting to give you everything you ask for. 

He crouches down, laying flat on his stomach on the bed in between your soaked thighs, looking at your glistening and juicy folds.

“Are you sure?” he peeks up from your center as he licks his lips in anticipation like he's about to devour a delicious meal.

You nod in lustfulness, “Fuck, yes I’m sure.”

In one fluid motion, he latches his mouth to your clit, licking long stripes from the top and all the way down your slit. It feels divine, and elicits a deep guttural moan from you, while you instinctively try to close your thighs in gratification. 

He labs at your clit like a man starved. 

You feel his saliva drip down your cunt, mixing with your arousal, and down to the sheets. 

Fuck, Jimin is skilled with his tongue, and you begin to feel an orgasm approach again. 

It feels like too much, it’s been years since you had an orgasm. 

You feel utter delirious as you take a look down your body and between your legs. The sight is sinful, his dark locks of hair, damp with seat, eyes looking at you, as slurping noises fills the room as he eats you out. 

The sight alone is enough to unravel you further.

Jimin gets carried away in your sweet noises, he wants to give you all the things you want in the world. Damn, he wants to give you so much pleasure.

“Do you want me to finger you?” he asks, as he takes a momentary break from sucking your folds.

You shake your head, out of breath as you say, “No, I’m not ready for that yet.” 

“Just your tongue is enough,” you blush and then Jimin goes back to lapping at your clit. His tongue is warm and he moves it expertly against your folds. Up and down, alternating between light licks and hard sucks. 

You feel his plush lips against your clenching hole, and for a minute, you contemplate his offer to finger you, but you are afraid of penetration, so you focus on the immense pleasure he is giving you with only his devilishly long tongue.

You feel a knot forming in the lower part of your stomach. “I-,I-, Jimin, I think I’m going to come,” you say with ragged breathing, as you press your body against his mouth.

Jimin hums on your clit, sucking harshly. You moan desperately, chasing your high. 

Your spent legs start trembling, your lower body lifting slightly off the bed, as you moan Jimin’s name, as you come on his expert mouth. 

Your finger searches, grips and curls on the sheets in a frantic attempt at grounding yourself, your toes curling. Jimin helps you ride out your high by sucking and licking lightly at your clit. 

When you feel like it’s too much, you find your hands in his hair, pushing him off you softly. 

“It’s too much,” you say, as you feel your clit pulsating and dripping with a mixture of your arousal and his saliva.

Jimin thinks that was fucking hot; you are so intoxicating. 

He sits up on his knees, looking you over with an affectionate spark in his eyes, as his dick twitches in search of relief. As he licks his lips, tasting your sweetness, he sees a frustrated look wash over you as if you’re battling with something in your mind.

“What’s wrong?” he says curiously, but with a hint of worry to his voice as he searches your eyes for answers.

Your heart races as you blurt out those three powerful words, the burden of your emotions finally escaping your chest, “I love you, Jimin.” 

The vulnerability in your voice makes the moment feel raw and authentic, and you can’t help but let a tear slip down your cheek. 

You sit up, determined to lay it all on the line, to share the depth of your feelings with Jimin.

“I can’t contain it any longer,” you confess, baring your heart open for him to see, hoping that he feels the same way. 

You feel oddly naked, with your bottom half exposed, and him fully clothed. 

The room seems to hold its breath as you wait for his response, the silence hanging in the air like a fragile thread. 

Say something, anything, you think frantically.

Jimin reaches out, tenderly brushing a strand of hair away from your face, his eyes filled with affection and adoration. 

“I love you too,” he whispers, his voice warm like a comforting embrace. 

The words wash over you like a gentle wave, and a radiant smile breaks across your face. His touch is tender as he cups your cheek, and you lean into it, relishing the sensation of his warm skin against yours. 

The tear on your cheek glistens like a crystal, a testament of the depth of emotions you’ve been holding back for so long. 

But now, with your heart laid bare, you feel a newfound strength, a profound connection with the person who means the world to you.

In that instant, all the walls that kept your feelings guarded crumble, leaving only the sweet revelation that your best friend shares your deep affection. The world fades away as he leans in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that feels like an epiphany. It’s a deep and passionate kiss, like the universe aligns and the stars sparkle in celebration of your love. 

Your heart flutters with each brush of his lips, as if it's dancing to a melody only the two of you can hear.

As the kiss lingers, you lose yourself in the sweet taste of yourself on his lips, the feel of his touch, and the sound of his heartbeat mingling with yours. 

It’s a moment of pure, unfiltered lust, that ignites a new fire inside. 

When Jimin gazes into your eyes, you swear you see a reflection of your own feelings mirrored in his soul. 

It’s a love that’s been simmering just beneath the surface, finally ready to be embraced and cherished. His smile, so soft and sincere, fills you with a sense of belonging, like finding the missing piece to your puzzle.

In that space, time has no meaning, and you’re content to stay lost in the embrace of his love. 

All the doubts and fears that once held you back are swept away by the current of affection that now flows between you. 

As you pull away, you lock eyes, and a newfound understanding passes between you. This love isn’t just a confession of feelings; it’s a promise of a future where you’ll navigate life together, hand in hand, supporting and cherishing each other every step of the way.

Then you feel the bulge in Jimin’s pants, and you break the kiss, grabbing his cock softly over his dress pants. 

He hisses at the contact, stopping your hand with his, “This is about you.”

As he swats your hand away, he goes back to kissing you tenderly, “Not that I don’t want too,” he adds in between kisses. 

“But it must be uncomfortable?” you ask, pleading with your eyes. 

You really just want to suck his dick so desperately. 

“I don’t care. I care about you right now,” he says, making his way to your neck, sucking hard until he has left a red mark there, that he gently licks.

“I can’t get enough of you, Y/N,” he says, his voice low and filled with desire.

You meet his gaze, feeling a rush of emotions surge through you. 

“Do you know how long I’ve had feelings for you?” he asks, a hint of playfulness in his eyes, as he tries hard to ignore his growing erection.

Curiosity piques your interest, and you shake your head, eager to hear his confession. Your heart flutters with anticipation, knowing that his word will be something you’ve been longing to hear.

“Since fucking high school,” he admits with a chuckle, and you can’t help but laugh along with him. It seems your previous desires have been forgotten, as you both lay down on the bed next to each other. 

His revelation surprises you, yet it also fills your heart with warmth. High school seems like ages ago, but somehow, your feelings for each other have endured all these years.

“Ah, me too,” you reply, grinning from ear to ear. The realization that you’ve both harbored feelings for each other for so long is both endearing and amusing.

You both share a moment of laughter finding joy in the irony of your secret love story. 

The way you’ve managed to keep your feelings hidden for each other, all while staying close friends, feels like something out of a romantic comedy.

“I can’t believe we wasted all that time,” you say with a playful pout as your hand travels over his clothed pectorals. 

He leans over, his lips brushing against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “Well, we’re making up for it now, aren’t we?”

A giggle escapes your lips as you lean into his touch, savoring the warmth of his body against yours. It’s surreal to finally be in his arms like this, to know that the person you’ve loved for so long loves you back just as fiercely.

“I can’t get enough of you either, Jimin,” you admit, your heart swelling with love and happiness. “It feels like I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.”

He nuzzles his nose against yours, a soft smile on his lips, “Me too. But you know what they say, better late than never.” As you intertwine your fingers with his, a sense of completeness washes over you.

As you sit together on the park bench, the warmth of Jimin's hand in yours is a constant reminder of the love and support he offers you. The sunlight filters through the leaves above, casting a gentle glow on both of you.

You take a deep breath, gathering the courage to express your feelings. 

“You know… I’ve never really had a normal relationship before,” you admit, your voice tinged with vulnerability. 

Jimin’s gaze softens, and he leans in close, letting you know that he’s all ears. “That’s alright,” he says, his voice soothing like a gentle breeze. 

“We don’t have to follow anyone else’s idea of normal. We’ll create our own version of it, together.”

A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips, grateful for his understanding and unwavering support. “You always know what you say,” you say with a hint of admiration in your voice.

He chuckles softly, his fingers lightly tracing circles on the back of your hand. “Well, it’s easy when it comes to you,” he replies, his eyes never leaving yours. “We’ll figure it out step by step, and I promise you, we’ll make it beautiful.”

Your heart swells with affection, and you lean your head against his shoulder, finding comfort in his presence. With Jimin by your side, everything feels a little less daunting and a lot more hopeful.

“I’m just afraid of messing things up,” you confess, your voice barely above a whisper.

He tilts your chin up gently so you’re looking directly into his eyes. “We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t define our relationship,” he says firmly. 

“What matters is that we learn and grow together. And no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you.”

A tear glistens in your eye, touched by his unwavering commitment to you. “I love you, Jimin” you say, the words carrying the weight of your emotions.

His face lights up with joy, and he cups your cheeks in his hands, brushing his thumb against your skin. “I love you too, Y/N” he replies, his voice filled with sincerity.

As the days pass, life with Jimin becomes a beautiful rhythm of love and laughter. 

You both find joy in the simplest of things, cherishing every moment you spend together. One sunny afternoon, you decide to visit a summer festival, filled with carnival rides and games. 

Hand in hand, you explore the vibrant fairgrounds, laughing as you take turns trying to win a unicorn plushie at one of the games. Your cheer Jimin on as he focuses intensely, his determination evident in his expression. 

To your delight, he emerges victorious, holding the soft, colorful unicorn in his firm hands.

“Omg! You did it!” you exclaim, jumping excitedly up and down while your laughter rings through the air.

Jimin grins, looking proud of his achievement. “It’s for you,” he says, handing you the plushie. “A token of my love and a reminder of this fun day.”

Your heart flutters with affection as you take the unicorn, hugging it close to your chest. “Thank you, Jimin. I’ll cherish it forever” you reply, a genuine smile on your face.

As the sun begins to set, you enjoy some cotton candy, your laughter blending with the cheerful chatter around you. For a moment, everything feels perfect and carefree, and you forget about any worries or fears. 

However, amidst the sea of people, you catch sight of a hooded figure in the distance. 

Panic surges through you, but when you search again, they seem to have vanished. 

“Jimin, did you see that?” you ask, trying to sound casual but unable to hide the concern in your voice.

He glances around, his eyes sweeping the crowd. 

“See what, babe?” he replies, his tone light and carefree. 

The pet name isn’t lost on you, but you are too caught up in your fear, to actually let it register.

Unsure whether it’s just your eyes playing tricks on you or not, you decide to push the thoughts aside, not wanting to let anything spoil the magical night.

“It’s probably nothing,” you say with a reassuring smile, focusing your eyes back on Jimin. “Let’s just focus on having fun tonight.” 

Jimin grins and pulls you closer, wrapping his arm around your waist. “You’re right,” he says, his voice filled with determination. “Nothing can spoil our night.”

And so, you continue your adventure, letting go of any lingering worries and embracing the joy of the present moment. 

Together, you explore every nook and cranny of the festival, trying every ride, and even indulging in more delicious treats. As the night draws to a close, you find yourselves sitting under a starlit sky, leaning against each other. 

The sound of laughter and music fills the air, but all you can hear is the rhythm of your hearts beating as one. He leans in, his lips meeting yours in a sweet, tender kiss. In that moment, the world stands still, and it’s just the two of you, wrapped in each other’s love.

When you finally come home, the sexual frustration is so palpable you could cut the tension with a knife. 

Jimin kisses you hungrily while he tries to open the door, pressing you up against the door instead. 

You feel his tongue poke at your lower lip and you open your mouth to welcome the addition. 

The door opens and you fumble inside, landing on your ass because of the force he used to ungracefully open the door. You let out a pained shriek followed by an endearing laugh. 

Jimin is quick to tend to you, asking if you are alright, but you can see the smirk lacing his features, his eyes crinkling at the corner. 

He helps you stand up and doesn’t wait a second to latch his mouth to your neck, forcing you up the wall. 

Your hands search for his cheeks and travel to his hair, pulling and tousling it eagerly. 

He moans into your neck and you feel a wet patch soak your panties, as you grind your hips into his.

“Fuck,” he says, panting with need as he looks into your hooded eyes. 

You feel his half erected dick on your lower stomach, as he rolls his body into yours. You find his mouth and explore his soft cave, as he tries to walk you both towards his bedroom.

“Couch is closer,” you huff out and Jimin pushes your bodies in that direction purposefully. 

When you reach the couch, he nudges you down on it and you lay sprawled out before him, taking his carnal expression in. He hovers over you, tracing lines down your clothed body on your sides, “I want this off,” he gestures to your sundress. 

You feel goosebumps prickle your skin at his touch, a moan escaping your lips as you let him gather the fabric of your dress up your body. 

You feel incredibly hot, laid bare for him in just your underwear, thanking yourself for wearing a matching lace set. Jimin sucks in a breath and lets out a frustrating growl, as he takes your beautiful, soft and delicate features in. 

“Damn, you are beautiful” he grunts and proceeds to hike his shirt off in a fluid motion.

Your tongue darts out, licking at your lips as you salivate by the look of his firm pectorals and muscled abdomen. Your eyes fly down his toned abs and land on his prominent v-line and the bulge in his pants. 

“I want you, Jimin,” you hiss as you grab his clothed dick and elicit a soft moan out of him. 

Before he lays you down again, he unhooks your bra. 

Arousal rushes through your body, making your blood boil. 

He kisses your mouth tenderly, while his hands trace down from your jaw to your boobs. He gives your nipples a soft pinch with his fingers, as you moan and buck your hips up into his groin. 

In soft and tender moves, he massages your breast while alternating between fondling them and playing with your nipples. A new flood of arousal leaves you and your panties sticks uncomfortably to your drenched pussy. 

In search of friction, your hands travel down your body, under your panties and you rub your fingers on your clit, opening your thighs to better accommodate Jimin. 

You see his eyes darken and he hisses when he sees you touching yourself. 

He lets go of peppering kisses against your jaw and cheeks, moving his mouth down your neck, to your collarbone and landing on your supple breast again. Giving each nipple a gentle suck, he moves further down, resting between your thighs where your fingers are working your clit. 

He hums in appreciation, and then grabs your hand, letting it rest on your hips as he pulls your panties down and throws them off somewhere in the living room. 

He growls at the sight of your soaked and glistening pussy, ready to be devoured. 

For a moment, you lock eyes, and you feel showered with love and adoration, it almost feels unbearable. You buck your hips up playfully, giving him a teasing look as you spread your thighs invitingly for him to enter. 

With his soft hands, he massages the underside of your thighs, before he gives your pussy the attention you seek. 

“Jiiiiiminie,” you gasp in delirious frustration as he keeps massaging your thighs. 

It’s nice, don’t get it wrong, but it isn’t what you need. 

He chuckles at your desperate attempt, but gives in. He strokes his fingers teasingly over your clit and folds, before he opens your folds to reveal your throbbing hole. 

Then he latches his pillowy lips to your clit and you make a delicious moan as you grab his hair.

He gets to work, sucks and licks hungrily against your pussy and you writhe under him. The absurdly lewd noises from him and your pussy are turning you incredibly on and making a juicy arousal leak out that he laps on his tongue. 

The knot in your stomach is forming with incredible speed, but you feel like you are missing something. 

“Fingers,” you pant out as you give his hair a tug. Jimin seems to understand, and a finger roams your folds, right next to your throbbing hole, where you want him the most. 

You hiss in anticipation, trying to press your pussy down on him. Then, slowly, he enters his index finger and you throw your head back into the couch in bliss. 

It glides in easily but feels tight with just the one finger, how the fuck will you be able to take his cock, you think. 

He experimentally fucks his finger into your clenching hole, while making sure you like it. When you move your body to meet his thrusts and your excessive moans fill the room, he adds a second finger. 

The stretch is so damn tight, and he works his fingers in scissoring motions to get you ready as he licks at your clit. 

He hits your g-spot repeatedly and you feel it approaching fast, the knot in your stomach snapping and your body tense, as you climax. Your body convolves, your feet curling and you let out a delirious groan. 

“I’m so sorry!” you pant as you excuse your lack of announcing your impending orgasm. Jimin assures you, as he helps you ride out your high with his fingers still in you. 

Sitting up, you are suddenly aware that Jimin is still fully clothed, with his erection pushing at the fabric of his pants. 

You move to pull down his pants and underwear with his help. 

His dick springs free, fully erect and in desperate need of attention. 

His dick is beautiful; average length, thick girth with a throbbing red head. He lets out a frustrated moan, and you grab his cock with your slender fingers as you give it a stroke. 

He leans back into the couch, with his hands behind his back for support as he throws his head back. Gathering a good amount of saliva in your mouth, you spit on his dick, making Jimin twitch slightly in surprise. 

Giving a few experimental strokes, before you stick out your tongue and lick up a strip from his base to the tip, you watch him close his eyes in pleasure. 

He shudders, as you lick at his cock, like it was a lollipop, even giving his tip a suck with a ‘pop’. 

He already knows he isn’t going to last long, if you keep this up. 

Then you take half of his cock in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks. He moans as your warm mouth envelops him, and he tries to control his need for friction by not fucking into your mouth. 

He wants you to set the pace. 

Growing bolder, you deepthroat him, feeling your gag reflex, but doing your best to ignore it and focusing on hollowing your cheeks and breathing through your nose. 

The sounds filling the room are obscene, and as you keep sucking him, he finds purchase with his hand in your hair, gathering it in a makeshift ponytail.

It feels so incredibly good, it’s almost too much for Jimin, and he gently taps your flushed cheeks, “If you want to have sex, you seriously have to stop that, babe,” he pants, as he looks at you with love. 

“If you keep going, I’m going to come,” he says out of breath as he gently pushes you off his dick. 

You lick your lips and let him nudge you down on the couch again, anticipation and need filling your body. He aligns his dick with your throbbing hole, and rubs his tip on your wet and slick folds. 

You moan at the contact, feeling slightly nervous as he prods at your entrance.

Jimin senses your nervousness as he halts, “It’s okay, babe. We can stop anytime you want.” 

You take in a deep breath and nod, trying to brace yourself for impact. He is slow and gentle, as he gradually enters you, stretching you with his tip and you tense up. 

You feel your heartbeat in your ears, like a loud and deafening ringing and it’s too much. 

Your breath quickens and you feel like you're having a panic attack, “Jimin-, stop,” you breathe out fast.

In an instant, he pulls his tip out and caresses your cheek as tears flow from your eyes. You lean into his touch, crying slowly, mad at yourself. 

“What’s wrong?” he wipes at your tears, looking at you fondly, but you try to hide your face with your palms. 

You let out a frustrated groan as you try to even out your breathing. 

“I’m just so mad!” you huff uncontrollably, still sobbing in frustration. 

He grabs your hands, removing the shield from your face, “Why?”

You look at him endearingly, he is just the sweetest, you think. “I can’t even do this simple fucking thing,” you almost yell, as you point between your legs in frustration, noticing his dick becoming softer with every moment. Ugh, you have totally ruined the moment. 

Fuck. 

“I’m so sorry, Jimin. I really fucking want to… I just,” you sit up, hugging his naked body, seeking comfort. 

“These horrible images keep flashing in my mind,” you gulp, hugging him tighter. 

You feel his steady heartbeat against your breast, and it calms you down. 

“I kept thinking about how he just used me,” you begin to hulk, recalling the trauma. 

You feel a mix of emotions, remorse, frustration, anger and love all at once. You’re mad at yourself, because you want Jimin so damn much, but it’s like your body isn’t ready. 

The abuse it went through still lingers. 

Jimin comforts you, wrapping you close to him, and even though you are both naked, his now flaccid dick against your core, it isn't weird at all. 

“It’s okay, Y/N. You shouldn’t push yourself. You’re ready when you are ready” he says comfortingly, kissing you tenderly. You will forever be thankful for a man like Park Jimin.

You look down at your naked bodies, “Maybe we should put on some clothes and just… watch a movie?”

Jimin agrees and he finds your discarded clothes on the floor. As the movie begins, you still feel frustrated and mad at yourself, “I’m so sorry, Jimin” you quip, barely audible over the movie. 

He looks at you lovingly, “It’s okay. You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through and how it affects you,” he strokes your cheek. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch. 

“We’ll take it slow and you decide the pace, okay?” he gives you an endearing smile as he finds one of your hands and gives it a soft squeeze.

With your heart brimming with happiness, you grab your phone the next day to share the wonderful news with your parents. 

As you dial their number, excitement bubbles up inside you, and you can’t wait to see their reaction.

“Hey mom, hey day,” you say as they pick up the call, having put you on speaker.

“Hello, sweetheart! How are you?” you mom asks with a warm tone. 

“I’m doing great, actually. I have some exciting news to share,” you reply, trying to contain your enthusiasm.

“Tell us! Don’t keep us waiting” you dad adds, his voice filled with curiosity. 

Taking a deep breath, you can’t help but smile, as you spill the beans, “I’m officially dating Jimin now.”

Silence follows your announcement, and for a moment, you worry about their reaction. But then, your mom lets out a loud cheer, “It’s about goddamn time!”

You burst into laughter at her exclamation, relieved and delighted that they are happy for you. “I know, right? We’ve been friends for so long, and it just feels so right now,” you explain.

“Ah, we always knew there was something special between you two,” your dad says warmly.

“We couldn’t be happier for you, sweetheart,” your mom adds.

You can feel their love and support across the phone, and it warms your heart. “Thanks mom, dad. I’m really happy too,” you say sincerely.

“We want to celebrate! Why don’t you and Jimin come over for dinner on Friday?” your mom suggests eagerly.

“That sounds like a great idea. I’ll talk to Jimin, but I’m sure he’ll be up for it too” you reply, already looking forward to spending time with your parents as a couple.

“We can’t wait to see you both. It’s been too long” you dad says.

As the call ends, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed with love and joy. You know you have a supportive and caring family, and now, with Jimin by your side, life feels even more complete. 

The anticipation of the Friday dinner fills you with excitement, and you can’t wait to share this special moment with the people you love.

As the days go by, Jimin becomes increasingly observant of your mood and senses that something has been bothering you since the carnival. Finally, unable to keep it to yourself any longer, you decide to confide in him. 

Sitting together in your cozy living room, you take a deep breath and begin to share your unsettling experience.

“Do you remember the festival a few days ago? I saw a weird guy wearing a hoodie…” you admit, your voice tinged with concern. 

“I've seen him before,” you confess clenching your hands into fists. 

Jimin’s grip tightens slightly, and he looks into your eyes, his expression filled with concern, “What do you mean ‘seen before’, where?”

You nod, “Yeah, I’ve seen him a few times… I think he’s watching me…”

Jimin furrows his brow, deep in thought, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

You shake your head, “I didn’t think anything of it at first, the guy disappeared as soon as I thought I saw him. But at the carnival, he was closer and it felt off,” you explain, searching for comfort in his embrace.

“I don’t like the sound of this. We need to do something about it,” he says in a resolute and stern voice. 

You take a deep breath and look into his eyes, grateful for his understanding and support, “That’s not all, Jimin, I've been feeling uneasy lately, like someone is watching me.”

His eyes widen with worry, and he pulls you closer, his protective instincts kicking in, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You shouldn’t have to go through this. We need to take this seriously.”

With determination in his eyes, Jimin reaches for his phone and makes a call to Yoongi. They discuss the situation at length, and Yoongi assures you both that they will look into it and take the necessary steps to ensure your safety. 

You feel a mix of emotions - fear, but also a sense of relief that you’re not facing this alone.

After the call ends, Jimin turns to you with a reassuring smile, “Yoongi said he’ll look into it, and we’ll have extra security measures put in place for you,” he says, stroking your hands gently.

“And when I’m at work, we’ll have stationed undercover men outside the house,” he says reassuringly, giving you a big comforting smile.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Y/N. We’ll catch this guy, I promise,” Jimin says with conviction, giving you a reassuring smile.

You find solace in his words and the support he provides. Together with Yoongi’s expertise, you feel more confident that the authorities are on the case. As the day goes on, Jimin stays by your side, offering comfort and distracting you with laughter and sweet moments.

In the following days, Yoongi and Jimin work tirelessly to investigate the hooded man and the unsettling presence you’ve been experiencing. They make sure to take every precaution to ensure your safety, and Jimin becomes your pillar of strength throughout the process. 

As you nestle into his embrace, you feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for having Jimin in your life. 

He's not just your boyfriend; he's your rock, your protector, and your confidante. 

With him by your side, you know you can face anything that comes your way.

As the clock ticks closer to the evening, you find yourself filled with both excitement and nervousness. You’ve been looking forward to this dinner with your parents and Jimin for days, and now that the moment has arrived, you want everything to be perfect.

When Jimin finally arrives home from work, he’s greeted by the sight of you, radiant and beautiful in your purple satin dress. 

His eyes light up, and a warm smile spreads across his face, “Wow, you look stunning,” he says, admiration evident in his voice.

Blushing at the compliment, you thank him with a shy smile, “Thank you, Jimin. I wanted to look my best tonight.”

As you both get ready to leave, you take a moment to steal a quick kiss, feeling the affectionate spark between you. “Let’s go,” Jimin says, offering his arm to escort you.

Arriving at your parents’ house, you’re met with hugs and warm greetings. Your parents have always adored Jimin, and it warms your heart to see how well they get along. 

Dinner is a delightful affair, with delicious food and lighthearted conversations.

Throughout the meal, Jimin and you dad share stories and jokes, and your mom engages in heartwarming conversations with both of you. The laughter and joy that fill the room create a warm and inviting atmosphere. 

As the evening progresses, you find yourself stealing glances at Jimin, and he returns the sentiment with a soft smile. There’s a sense of comfort in having him by your side, and it feels like a natural extension of your relationship.

As you both get into the car, the warmth of the evening seems to mirror the affectionate atmosphere between you and Jimin, the soft glow of the streetlights casts a gentle glow on his face, and you can’t help but smile as you steal glances at each other, while he’s driving.

“It was really nice seeing you interact with my parents,” you say, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“They really like you, you know?”

Jimin grins, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “I like them too. They’re wonderful people, just like their daughter.”

Your heart flutters at his sweet words, and you reach over to hold his hand that rests at the gear shift. His touch is reassuring, filling you with a sense of love and contentment.

“I’m really lucky to have you in my life, Jimin,” you admit, your voice soft and genuine.

He squeezes your hand, his smile growing even wider, “No Y/N, I’m the lucky one. You’ve brought so much happiness into my life, and I can’t imagine my days without you.”

The tender moment fills the car with an undeniable sense of warmth and love. As you drive back home, the anticipation builds between you, the tension palpable. Both of you know there is something sensual lingering in the air, and tonight feels different than any other.

As the car slows to a stop in front of your home, Jimin turns to you with a gentle smile, “You looked absolutely stunning tonight, Y/N. My heart skipped a beat every time I looked at you.” 

He puts one hand on your thigh, giving it a slight squeeze as he lets out a moan and you unbuckle your seatbelt. 

Blushing at his compliment, you reply, “Thank you, Jimin. You looked pretty amazing yourself.”

You feel his warm touch on your thigh, and you open up your legs for him, inviting him in. 

Before his hand travels up your thigh, he unbuckles his own seatbelt, hiking your satin dress up, and finding your core easily. You hold your breath, as he ghosts his fingers over your clothed pussy. 

It's achingly wet already, he had been sinful to look at all evening and you are completely melting now. When he finally strokes you on your panties, you let out the breath you had been holding in. You huff, throw your head back into the headrest. 

He slides your panties to the side, and rubs your clit teasingly. 

“Been thinking about fucking you all night,” you hum in a needy tone as you roll your hips into his hand. Jimin growls in your ear, as he nips at your lope, sending chills down your spine.

“Fuck,” is all he says, as he rubs leisurely at your clit. You already feel so obscenely wet, and hearing the lewd sounds from your pussy and his moans is spurring you on.

In your daze, you chance a glance at his crotch, and you find him already half hard. Your hands find his cock, and you palm him needily over his pants. He lets out a soft moan, against your cheek, as he searches for your lips.

You manage to unzip his pants and free his dick, and as it springs free, you grab a tight hold of it and Jimin hisses at the touch. 

“Sorry,” you huff out, adjusting your hold to a light squeeze, as you give him a light stroke. 

He had stopped working on your clit the moment you grabbed his dick, so you turned around in your seat, facing him completely. 

Taking his disheveled look in, you spit in your hands and begin stroking him in a faster and even movement. He moans loudly at your fast hands, as he bucks up into you, to fuck himself on your hands. 

He can’t help himself, as he searches for more friction. 

He’s fully hard and you smear your saliva down his throbbing cock teasingly, stroking his frenulum lightly. His head is thrown back, and you watch his chest fall and rise in hurried movements. 

“Shit. I’m gonna come if you keep stroking me like that,” he growls. You groan deeply, imagining him coming undone on your hands and shooting his load onto the steering wheel. But you don’t want that, you want him to come inside your throbbing pussy.

“Fuck, Jimin, I want you so bad. I want to ride you in the backseat,” you say as you feel a flood of arousal soak your panties. You shimmy out of the passenger seat and crawl between the center console and into the backseat, waiting for him to join you. 

As Jimin maneuvers over the console, you take the moment to rid yourself of your dress, now sitting in your underwear. He eyes you with a sinful look, drinking you all in, while he unhooks your bra and your breasts spring free. They are the perfect size, and rests so well in his hands as he cups them. 

“Take off your pants,” you breathe out, touching his cock again. He bites his lower lip as he slides off his pants and you rid yourself of your panties. 

With his back resting against the backseat, you straddle his lap, trying to angle his dick to your pussy. 

“Babe, I haven’t stretched you. Are you sure you’re ready?” he panics suddenly, trying to hold you back from sitting on him. 

“It’s fine. I’m so freaking wet. And I can't wait any longer. I want your dick in me, fuck,” you say with a deep and heavy voice, as you finally align him with your center and sink down on him slowly.

As your walls take him in slowly, his head falls back and he moans in pleasure. 

You flinch at the intrusion, as your walls suck in more of his dick. 

“Fuck, I said I should have prepped you before,” he pants in frustration as he feels your walls squeeze his dick. 

You let out a few profanities, but are stubborn, and keep going, determined to take him all in. 

Thankfully, you are obscenely wet, otherwise this would have been hell without any prep. But he actually glides in rather well, it’s just his size, that is stretching you so wide. 

You focus on your breathing and sinks further down on his cock, as he kisses you with tongue, to distract you from the slight burn you feel.

“Fuck!” 

You finally reach his pubic hair, his dick filling you up completely. 

You are engulfed in love and still for a moment, before sliding up and down again, already feeling delirious. You adjust to his size, and it begins to feel good. 

You fuck yourself on his dick, and you notice the windows fogging up, much as your brain does.

You set up a nice, comfortable and slow pace, as you bounce up and down on his hard dick. You pant frantically, feeling it hard to keep up the work, but you really want to give him a good ride. 

Jimin feels incredible, and he tries so hard not to just fuck you right now. Your walls are so warm, and hugs his dick so well. He is getting a bit frustrated with your leisurely pacing, and he feels like he’ll lose his mind if you don’t speed up. 

“Can I fuck you, babe?” he asks between moans, as he grabs your hips and stops your motions. You bite your lower lip, close your eyes and nod your head ‘yes’.

He keeps a steady grip on your hips, as he bucks up into you, fucking you passionately. 

You feel so fucking full, with every thrust, he begins to hit your g-spot perfectly and you feel arousal leak out of your core. His pace quickens, and you both feel the vibrations of the car, as it rocks from side to side with the incredible force his fucks you with. 

You feel so delirious. 

Jimin breathes fast, as he fucks you with all his got. 

The sounds filling the car are obscene, and the air feels thick as you both gasp for air. As you begin to feel your orgasm approaching, you also feel your walls pulsating and your breath hitching, as you let him know of your incoming climax.

Jimin really wants you to come first, even though he can feel his own orgasm just beneath the surface. 

So in a hurry, his fingers find your clit and he begins rubbing at it fast, as he keeps fucking into you. It adds instant pleasure to you, making you see stars and moan obscenely, throwing your head back.

You try to meet his fast thrusts, but you can’t match his rhythm and you decide to place your hands on his pectorals for support. His pace has become brutal, as he searches for not only his own climax, but yours too. 

As he works your clit, you feel the pit forming in your stomach, “Jimin! I’m coming!” 

You scream out his name in pleasure, as your body tense up, feeling your toes curling. You pant above him, as he keeps fucking you, and as your walls clench furiously around him, he feels utterly carnal. 

His trusts become more and more frantic as he feels like he can’t hold back anymore. You watch as his brows furrowed with a mix of pain and pleasure, his eyes closed, breath holding, as he without warning shouts your name in a hard trust. 

His warm seed shoots into your pussy, as your walls milk him for all his worth. You shudder, as the sensation almost feels too much. Jimin pants madly, dick still inside you, as he chuckles. 

You moan and surge down to rest your head against his. Your breaths mix and the air feels thick and devoid of oxygen. His pupils are completely blown, as you are sure yours must be too. You feel so much love and tenderness at this very moment.

“Ah-, I love you so much, Jimin,” you say as you nuzzle and smell his sweaty neck, his scent of musky vanilla mixed with coconut sends a new flood of arousal through you. 

His dick has gone completely flaccid, and his semen is slowly dripping out of you. You move away from his soft dick, placing yourself further down his thick thighs. He lets out a light chuckle, as your pussy lips tickle the inner part of his thighs, “I love you too Y/N.” 

“Thank you for being patient with me,” you say as you kiss him tenderly and he hums. 

The smell of sex faintly registers in the back of your mind, as he kisses you back with fervor.

He chuckles against your soft lips, removes a strand of hair away from our face and proceeds to kiss your cheek sweetly, “I don’t think this was patience you demonstrated there babe.”

“I know I’m impatient,” you chuckle wholeheartedly, “but fuck, can we do that again?” you whisper against his plum lips.

In the midst of a regular Thursday, the weight of your job hunt weighs heavily on your mind. 

The persistent stress urges you to seek solace and unwind. 

With a determined sigh, you gather your essentials - a sports bra, tights, and your trusty yoga mat. 

Preparing for a session of relaxation and rejuvenation, you lay out your belongings in the living room, the soft light filtering in through windows creating a serene ambiance. You select a playlist that matches your mood - a collection of soothing low-fi beats that seem to melt away your concerns. 

The music finds its way to the speakers, filling the room with a gentle rhythm that aligns perfectly with your intentions.

Your phone rests on the couch, a silent companion, ready to guide your practice. 

As you step onto the mat, you take a deep breath, letting the air fill your lungs and calm your thoughts. The first notes of the music envelop you like a warm embrace, and you close your eyes, letting the worries of the day drift away. Your body flows with the rhythm of the music, muscles stretching and relaxing in harmony. 

The world outside fades, leaving only the connection between your breath and movement. As you settle into each pose, your mind begins to clear, and the stress that had clung to you earlier starts to dissipate. In its place, a sense of peace and centeredness grows. 

As the tranquil melodies weave their spell around you, you find yourself sinking into a familiar rhythm. The soft cadence of the music guides your movement, each stretch and pose a gateway to release the tensions that have been coiling within you. 

With each inhale, you draw in a renewed sense of purpose, and with every exhale, you let go of the weight of the day.

Your body glides into a warrior pose, a powerful stretch that opens your heart and strengthens your resolve. The gentle arch of your back sends tendrils of relief cascading through your spine, and your arms reach skyward, as if touching the heavens themselves. 

As you exhale, you surrender to the stretch, letting it melt away the tightness that has plagued your muscles.

As the day slowly gives way to evening, you can’t help but look forward to Jimin’s return from work. 

His presence always has a way of soothing your worries and bringing comfort to your heart. The anticipation adds a warm layer to the atmosphere, as if his impending arrival is a promise of tranquility. 

Amidst the soothing ambiance, a sound reaches your ears - the faint rattle of a doorknob. 

Your heart skips a beat, a mixture of surprise and curiosity rising within you. 

Could it be that Jimin has returned, and forgotten his keys? It had happened before.

With a sense of anticipation, you allow the music to become the backdrop to your steps. You glide towards the door, your body still carrying the grace of your yoga movements. 

As your fingers curl around the doorknob, you turn it, unlocking the barrier that separates you from the outside world.

The door swings open, and your lips curve into a soft smile - a welcome reserved for your boyfriend. 

But your smile falters for a moment, as you realize that the figure before you isn’t who you were expecting. 

Instead of Jimin’s familiar form, it’s the man of your nightmares.

In the span of a heartbeat, your world shatters like fragile glass, and reality seems to warp and twist around you. 

The air thickens, charged with a tension that you can almost taste, as if a storm is brewing on the horizon. But it’s not the elements outside that concern you - it’s the tempest of emotions raging within.

Ice-cold dread courses through your veins, seizing every fiber of your being. 

Your muscles respond to the shock, rendering you motionless, a statue of terror etched into the fabric of the room. The once-familiar space feels alien and distant, as if reality itself has warped around you. 

Colors lose their vibrancy, fading to a muted grayscale as your very essence drains away.

In that instant, your heart betrays you, a wild stallion unleashed within your chest, galloping with the urgency of a desperate escape. The rhythmic thud echoes in your ears, each beat a stark reminder of the fragile nature of safety. Your breath quickens, yet oxygen feels scarce, as if the very air has grown thin in this presence that threatens to consume you.

Hyun.

The name echoes in your mind like a curse, conjuring up memories you’ve tried so hard to suppress and let go. 

Every nightmare, every tear, every shred of pain he inflicted resurfaces in vivid detail; it's as if the walls of your mind are crumbling, and the horrors you’ve locked away are breaking free, clawing their way to the surface.

The room seems to close in on you, suffocating you with its oppressive weight. 

How can he be here? 

How did he find you? 

What about the undercover cops around the house? 

Was he the hooded figure? 

Panic sets in, your thoughts a cacophony of fear and disbelief. Here he stands, an embodiment of your darkest nightmares, a walking manifestation of the anguish you’ve tried to escape. 

The seconds stretch into eternities, and you’re trapped in this waking nightmare, unable to tear your gaze away from the intruder.

Every fucking nerve in your body screams at you to run, to flee from this specter of torment. 

But your limbs are unyielding, heavy as if anchored to the ground by invisible chains. Your throat constricts, choking off any sound you might have uttered, leaving you trapped in silence as Hyun’s presence engulfs you. 

It’s a confrontation you’d hoped to never face, a chilling dance with the devil from your past. 

And as Hyun forces his way further into the house, you can’t help but wonder if this is a sinister twist of fate, a reminder that the past is never truly buried. 

The undertone of dread is palpable, as the link between nightmare and reality blurs, leaving you teetering on the precipice of something unspeakable.

The grip on your wrists is vice-like, fingers digging into your skin like talons of malevolence. 

The wall behind you crashes into your body with brutal force, the pain jolting up your spine like a lightning strike of agony. A strangled cry escapes your lips, a primal howl torn from the depths of your soul. 

Reality slams into you, ripping away the paralysis that had held you captive in your initial shock. 

Fear electrifies your senses, sparking your fight-or-flight response with a violent urgency. 

Adrenaline courses through your veins like liquid fire, setting every nerve ablaze. 

Desperation fuels your movements, propelling you to push, to claw, to fight against the monstrous grip that binds you.

Your body becomes a battleground, your muscles screaming in protests as you struggle against his overwhelming strength. 

His thigh wedges between your legs, pinning you against the wall like a helpless insect ensnared by a predator. 

Your lungs heave, desperate gasps mingling with the repulsive scent of his breath as he invades your personal space.

His words slither into your ear like a venomous serpent, a macabre whisper that chills your very soul. 

“Missed me?” he hisses, the words dripping with sadistic glee. 

Disgust churns within you, warring with the white-hot fury that courses through your veins. The horrors you’d buried surge to the surface, memories of torment that you’d fought so hard to escape. 

But now, they’re a current that threatens to pull you under.

A cacophony of emotions floods your senses, drowning you in a maelstrom of trauma and terror. 

“NO!” 

You scream, your voice a raw symphony of pain and defiance, tearing through the air like a banshee’s wail. Your body writhes beneath his suffocation weight, every once of your being rebelling against the nightmare that’s now become your reality.

Your eyes latch on a photograph, a snapshot of you and Jimin, the image emblematic of the strength you’ve found in each other, and that’s when the memories of the self-defense techniques he had taught you floods your mind. 

With a surge of newfound resolve, you tap into the lessons ingrained within you. 

Summoning the last reserves of your strength, you channel every bit of courage and fury, using Jimin’s teachings as your weapon. 

Your body becomes a force of nature, a storm breaking through the confines of fear. Muscles that had trembled now surge with newfound strength, your limbs working in tandem to break free from the clutches of your tormentor. 

Your thigh jerks free from his grip, a sharp and primal movement that becomes your lifeline. A swift, unrelenting kick crashes into his crotch, a violent burst of retribution that forces the air from his lungs and contorts his features into a mask of agonized torment. 

He crumples, an embodiment of pain, and you seize the opportunity.

Fleeing becomes your sole purpose, your legs carrying you with desperate urgency toward the living room. 

Every step echoes like a drumbeat of survival, each heartbeat a reminder that you’re fighting for your very existence. 

Your trembling fingers close around your phone, its familiar weight a beacon of hope in this nightmarish landscape. But his grasp is unyielding, a malevolent force that hurls you back onto the unforgiving floor with cruel brutality. 

The impact sends shockwaves through your body, jolting your senses with a cascade of pain and disorientation. He looms over you, a monstrous figure, his presence casting a shadow that blots out all light. 

Your heart pounds like a drum within your chest, its frantic rhythm a symphony of fear. 

Desperation propels you to claw at the ground, your fingers grasping for your phone, for the lifeline that could bring salvation. 

Yet, your fingers brush against emptiness, as you eyeline your phone laying deep under the couch.

His hulking form descends upon you, a specter of nightmare comes to life. 

A predatory glint lights up his eyes, a malevolence that churns your stomach with a mixture of dread and revulsion. His voice, dripping with venom, pierces the air like a knife.

“I saw you with him,” he snarls, each word laced with a venomous hatred that seeps into your very bones. 

The spittle that splatters across your face becomes a grotesque symbol of his malevolent intentions. Your fingers curl into claws, a desperate attempt to fight back, to claw your way out of the abyss. 

But his weight presses you down, a crushing force that extinguishes your attempt at resistance. Panic surges within you, a torrent of helplessness that threatens to swallow you whole. 

The air thick with the stench of fear, a toxic cloud that wraps around you like a shroud.

“You are such a dirty whore. You think you can play house with him, and he can keep you safe?” he taunts you in a mocking tone, as he tries to pull down your tights. 

You claw your nails at him, like a mad feline, lashing at his jaw. 

With both your hands pinned over your head with one of his arms, he looks down at your body, trailing his free hand over it. His hand now finds your throat, as he slowly tightens his hold. 

You feel your throat constrict, and your sight becomes blurry and hazy.

For a moment, it feels futile to fight. 

You feel every part of your body soften and turn to jelly. 

You feel a heavy tiredness, and a part of you just wants to shut your eyes, and take it. 

But you want to be free and never experience this again.

With a surge of determination, you channel every ounce of your strength into a desperate bid for freedom. Your body tenses, muscles coiling like springs beneath your skin as you unleash a primal roar of defiance. 

Ignoring the pain that throbs through your body, you summon every shred of courage within you. 

Your arms become your weapons, your hands forging a path to liberation as you press against his one hand that seeks to imprison you. Your relentless struggles fractures his grip, and your heart swells with a glimmer of hope. 

Adrenaline courses through your veins, a fierce fire that burns away the tendrils of fear that have held you captive.

In a burst of defiance, you wrestle free, your fingers closing around his shirt with a desperate grip. The fabric bunches beneath your grasp as you pull him down toward you, your actions fueled by a surge of adrenaline and the ferocity of survival. 

The element of surprise is your ally, a fleeting moment when the tables turn and you seize control of the situation. 

A surge of power courses through your veins, an unexpected strength that defies the odds stacked against you. 

With every ounce of your being, you channel your resolve into a decisive move. Your body shifts, a controlled burst of momentum that propels you forward, your willpower colliding with his force. 

In a breathless moment, you roll over, your body pivoting with a grace born of desperation. 

Your position shifts, and now you’re on top of him, the dynamics of power inverted. 

His surprise is palpable, his eyes widening in a fleeting instant of uncertainty. You punch him in his gut, then jump up, gaining momentum, as you drive a knee down into his crotch. He lets out a strangled cry in pain, rolling over to his side into a fetal position as you gather to your feet and flee towards the hall where Jimin’s bedroom is.

With your heart pounding like a war drum, you sprint towards Jimin’s bedroom, the echoing footsteps of terror propelling you forward. 

The door swings open before you, a portal to potential salvation, and you rush inside without a second thought, leaving it ajar in your frantic haste. 

The scent of familiarity surrounds you, a stark contrast to the chaos that pursues you.

Your eyes lock onto the nightstand, your mind driven by a single purpose: locate the key. 

Every moment counts, your breaths coming in ragged bursts as you thrust your trembling hands beneath the pillow. 

In an almost surreal twist of fate, your fingers brush against cold metal, and your heart skips a beat in triumphant relief. The key is in your grasp, a tangible lifeline as you hurry to unlock the secrets held within the nightstand’s depths. 

You navigate the lock with shaking hands, each second an eternity as anticipation courses through you. 

The drawer yields its secrets, revealing the object you so desperately seek - a gun.

Your fingers close around it, the weapon a heavy comfort in your grip as your resolve hardens. A renewed sense of purpose surges within you, fueling your determination to protect yourself at all costs. 

The room pulses with tension, your breaths quick and shallow as you steel yourself for what’s to come.

As if fate is testing your limits, Hyun’s heavy panting fills the air, a chilling reminder of the threat that looms just beyond. Your fingers find the cool metal of the gun’s trigger, your knuckles white as you raise it, the weight of empowerment surging through you.

“Don’t come fucking closer!” your voice is raw with a mix of fear and defiance, your words a warning that reverberates in the tense silence. 

Your stance is resolute, your finger curling around the trigger as you slowly inch towards him, your eyes locked into his form with unwavering intensity.

In an unexpected twist, Hyun hesitates, his bravado crumbling in the face of the newfound strength you exude. His retreat mirrors your advance, the room shrinking as you force him to step back. 

The gun becomes an extension of your resolve, a symbol of your determination to reclaim control over your life. 

Guiding him out of the bedroom, you navigate the perilous path back to the living room, every step a testament to your resilience. The gun in your hand becomes more than just a weapon - it’s a reminder that you’re no longer a helpless victim. 

As the standoff continues, you stand your ground, a warrior ready to face whatever darkness dares to challenge you.

Amidst the charged atmosphere, a jarring thud disrupts the suffocating silence, shattering the fragile equilibrium. 

Your head jets in the direction of the sound, your heart lurching at the sight of Jimin standing amidst a sea of fallen groceries. 

His presence in the chaos, unexpected yet reassuring, sends a surge of emotions coursing through you. 

He’s here, a beacon of hope in the midst of turmoil.

Jimin’s eyes lock onto the scene before him - the tension between you and the intruder. 

He decides to draw his gun, with a mixture of urgency and determination raging within him. 

The pieces fall into place in his mind, understanding that this man is your tormentor, your pursuer. 

As the intruder makes a desperate dash towards you, Jimin’s instincts kick in. His fingers wrap around the cool metal of his gun, his movements swift and deliberate. 

The standoff reaches a new crescendo as you pivot, your gun and face now aimed at Hyun, the embodiment of your strength and resilience. Your words, dripping with venom, hold an air of conviction that cuts through the tension like a blade, “If you come fucking closer, I’ll shoot your dick off!”

Jimin’s voice, a soothing melody in the midst of the chaos, penetrates the chaos, an anchor of reason amidst the storm. 

“Calm down, Y/N,” he implores, the quiet command laced with a palpable yearning for your safety.

A twisted chuckle tugs at your lips, a response to the ironic absurdity of the situation. 

Your steps are measured, deliberate, as you move closer to the source of your pain, the symbol of your resilience unwavering. A battle of will unfolds between you and Jimin, your emotions caught in a tempest, trapped between your desire for justice and the instinct to protect.

“He fucking used me!” the words erupt from your lips, a raw admission of pain and betrayal that hangs heavily in the air. The tempest of emotions swirls around you, driving you forward, pushing you to confront the specter of your torment head-on. 

Jimin’s attempt to reach you echoes with a plea for caution, his words a lifeline of reason in the maelstrom, “Don’t do anything foolish.”

In this pivotal moment, the room holds its collective breath, each heartbeat echoing the fragile balance between redemption and retribution. 

The guns remain poised, a testament to the strength you’ve found within yourself and the unwavering support of the man who stands by your side.

Hyun’s defiance lingers in the air, an unsettling reminder of the darkness that once held you captive. His taunts, like poisoned arrows, aimed to pierce your resolve.

“Bitch,” his voice drips with venom, an attempt to goad you into reacting. 

Your fingers tighten around the gun, a response to the surge of anger that courses through you. 

The safety is released, the telltale click reverberating like a thunderclap in the charged atmosphere.

Jimin’s voice, a plea woven with concern, pierces through the turmoil. “Y/N,” he says, his tone a mixture of urgency and caution, a reminder that the path you’re treading is fraught with danger. 

He stands just a few steps away, a silent sentinel guarding your back, his unwavering presence a testament to the depth of his commitment.

Hyun’s attempt at taunting is met with a steely resolve that emanates from you. Your gaze doesn’t waver, your finger poised near the trigger. 

The dance of power unfolds between you and the man who once held power over you. Jimin, however, sees through the facade, his understanding of the situation cutting through the tension like a knife.

His movements, silent and precise, go unnoticed by Hyun in the midst of your standoff. 

In a deft maneuver, Jimin positions himself behind Hyun, his gun pressed firmly against the back of his head. The room becomes a battlefield of emotions - frustration, anger, and a burning desire for justice.

The command Jimin issues carries the weight of his frustration and anger. 

“Down on your knees,” his words drip with a raw intensity, a reflection of the turmoil that simmers beneath the surface. 

Hyun’s submission, a stark contrast to his earlier bravado, is a testament to the presence of the gun against his head and the authority in Jimin’s voice. He drops to his knees, a visual representation of the power shift that has occurred. 

Your gun remains trained on him, your resolve unbroken. A silent exchange between you and Jimin conveys a world of meaning. 

His eyes meet yours, a gesture that speaks volumes - hold your ground, maintain control.

As Jimin steps forward to secure Hyun with handcuffs, you keep your gun steady, your heart still pounding in your chest. 

The room is heavy with the residue of the confrontation, the air thick with the tension that had threatened to consume you. The moment is a testament to your strength, the bond between you and Jimin, and the indomitable spirit that refuses to be broken.

The wailing sirens cut through the tense atmosphere like a howl of relief. 

The arrival of the police is a bittersweet symphony, a reminder that safety is finally within grasp. 

Detective Yoongi storms in, his stern demeanor a stark contrast to the chaos that had unfolded. Yoongi’s eyes scan the scene, relief revident in the furrow of his brows as he takes in the sight of you and Jimin, physically unharmed but emotionally scarred by the encounter. 

You hand over the gun to him, the weight of it a tangible reminder of the power you had seized in the face of danger.

As a precautionary measure, the medics had arrived swiftly on the scene, their presence a testament to the urgency and concern that lingered in the air. 

Seokjin and Hoseok, driven by a mix of fear and friendship, surges forward to ensure your safety. Their worried expressions mirrored the collective anxiety that had gripped everyone in the aftermath of the harrowing encounter. 

With careful hands, Seokjin and Hoseok conducted a thorough assessment, their gentle touches juxtaposed against the backdrop of chaos. Their meticulous examination sought out any signs of harm, as if they could somehow erase the night’s horrors with their diligent care. 

The tension that had once gripped you so fiercely started to loosen its grip as their reassurances flowed like a healing balm. Their words were soothing, a gentle cadence of comfort that began to wash away the raw edges of fear. 

“You’re probably going to be sore tomorrow” they said, their voice a harmonious blend of empathy and concern. It was a spark reminder of the ordeal you had endured, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit even in the face of unspeakable terror.

Their presence, a reminder of the steadfast bonds that held you all together, breathed life into the room, drowning out the echoes of the night’s horrors. In their care examination, you found solace - a promise that even amidst the darkness, you were not alone. 

And as their expert touch confirmed that your injuries were, though painful, not life-threatening, a collective sigh seemed to sweep through the room.

As Jimin guides Hyun through the door, you can’t help but feel a wicked satisfaction bubbling beneath the surface. 

It’s a mix of elation and justification that swirls in the pit of your stomach, a sensation you’re not entirely accustomed to. 

Jimin’s words break the silence that has settled like a fog.

“You’re lucky, you know,” Jimin begins, his tone laced with a blend of exasperation and amusement. 

He drags Hyun across the lawn, the grass bearing witness to a moment that neither of you will ever forget, and out of your earshot. The glint of moonlight in Jimin’s eyes hints at the tension that still courses through him, mingling with the absurdity of the situation.

Hyun’s response is a manic laugh, a deranged symphony that echoes in the night. 

“How do you figure that?” he jeers, his voice a twisted melody that dances on the edges of madness.

“That she didn’t shoot your dick off,” Jimin retorts, his chuckle dripping with a twisted kind of humor. 

The words hang in the air, a mix of horror and comedy that paints a vivid picture of the potential consequences that action would have had. Although server, it would have been a comedic and deserved ending. 

There’s a mirthful glint in Jimin’s eyes, a glimpse of the darkness he’s willing to embrace for your shake. Jimin’s words were delivered with deadpan hilarity, a morbid jest that cut through the tension like a blade. 

The gallows humor was undeniable, a reminder that even in the face of darkness, a sliver of twisted amusement could still find its way through. 

Hyun’s own laughter, now tinged with a tint of unease, mingled with Jimin’s, a chorus of the deranged.

→ Author’s note: I don’t know what happened! I planned to write like 5K words to get back into writing and then boom 40K+ 😆I don’t really know how I feel about this story, but I wanted to post it because I finished something 🎉If it’s shit, I’m really sorry. Also, I just couldn’t decide which hair color to give Jimin, because I love all colors on him, so I settled with black 😊

← previous | s.masterlist | m.masterlist | next →

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - I give out a bunch of 7/10s

Nov 2022 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 3 of 12 - I’m beginning to get concerned about where the plot, pace, and conflict is going to come from. So far it’s all angst and internal conflict, and I’m not entirely opposed to that, but there needs to be some external stressors in Thai BL or it’s not enough to carry 12 episodes (especially if it’s helmed by New). WATCH ALONG HERE.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 9 of 10 - something actually happened in this ep, we got some of Ai’s family history & backstory. Evil mother is evil. Sister may be evil too. But it’s still shirtless so I’m pleased. Also, yay, no singing!

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 7 of 12 - Name has finally made a new friend. JaFirst remain the most interesting. I actually don’t mind the show when it’s focused on them, but most of the rest of the time I find it, if not boring, at least not something that engages me personally. Although, the younger boy flirting with Em after cheer practice was kind of cute. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 2 of 12 - Thi is such a pushover. Look, I’m just not wild about this lead pair dynamic and I absolutely can’t stand the score.

609 Bedtime Story (Sat WeTV) 1 of 11 - Didn’t drop to WETV in my territory, no idea what’s going on. I’ll have a bit of a hunt when I get home. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 8 of 12 - Every week I look forward to this show the most. We knew it had to happen, but it’s really sad to see our traumatized bar-boy break our beloved dentist’s heart. We all know they’re in love with each other, they also know it. But Bai Lang is very very scared of commitment and the dentist is a good boy who keeps getting hurt by other’s inability to trust and open up. The past romance was really sad and sadly true to life. Is it better to have a friend’s love or pity, if all you really wanted was friendship? I like how complicated all of these characters are. I love the conversation the leads had with each other after Bai Lang finally admits to his true feelings. Such a good show. 

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 6 of 8 - This show is so sad. I sometimes wonder if Kochi remains alive entirely because Michan wills him to be so. Does anybody else wonder if the gay biology teacher who lost his first love is a nod to Boys Love? Just me?

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 7-8 of 10 - The pacing is so good in this show. Also, I am completely and utterly in love with the ex-bf (hi, Wild Dog, long time no see, wanna run away with me instead?) 

Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga) 1-2 of 8 - Very dramatic opening. I like it. Leo is stupid pretty. This is a complicated, if improbable, plot about writers and ego and reputation, but engaging. (For a change I like the OST, Leo is also one of my favorite main singers among the honey-voices of Kpop.)

Finished This Week 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 8fin - An excellent confession sequence. I was a little surprised. Usually confession scenes make me wince, but this one was lovely. I’m not a fan of the Kdrama “separation in the final episode” (see Big D) but in this particular instance, I understand why they did it. The characters did need to mature and build new lives. It’s just annoying that they couldn’t do it together. All in all? This is a light horror plus family drama built around a well executed BL trough-line that felt honestly queer with great chemistry from the lead pair. (I hope that we see more of them.) For me personally the surrounding cast, premise, and story didn’t resonate but if you like a touch of gothic in your BL this might appeal. RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS 7/10 

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 8fin - I really don’t like Thailand copying Korea’s arbitrary “separation in the final episode” thing. So for me this final episode wasn’t very satisfying. Ultimately? This is a decent execution of enemies to lovers, exploring some darker themes and nodding at kink in a more respectful way than Mame could ever dream, plus excellent chemistry, but something was askew around plot, directing, and ending. RECOMMENDED FOR THE LEAD PAIR, BUT NOT MUCH ELSE 7/10

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 8fin - Japan sure does love the “running of the gays” trope. Only this time around they ran together. Which was kind of cute. Honestly? This probably should’ve been my favorite BL of all time, but for some reason it just never resonated with me. Also, I’m over the no kiss thing. I’m tired. If they kiss in het, they can kiss in gay. IT’S FINE. 7/10

Apparently, when Japanese BL is good, it’s very very good, and when it’s bad I’m annoyed.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 16 eps - could be sad v worried

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

How is he so hot? Asking for science. 

In Case You Missed It

My Roommate (Thai YT) 32 eps of 2 minutes each now done, it’s terrible production values so I’m not bothering but it’s been repackaged into 8 min chunks on the youtubes.

Fahlanruk (Thai GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5 but it’s finished now, someone who knows my taste tell me if I should I bother? 

SELF (Thai Thurs YT) is complete at 6 eps, anyone watch this one? Is it sad? Worth watching?

LITA special - it’s exactly as trashy and kinky as you want it to be. Go indulge, you lushes. Rain & Payu, man, wow. Also, the sound is terrible. But no one cares much about the script, least of all the writers. 

GAP the series (Sat YT) is a classic office set romance. WATCH IT! It’s GL and this studio needs our support! (Also, the stairs are back!) 

Coming to Viki: Love in the Air, ITSAY & IPYTM, Remember Me, and new KBL, The New Employee.

Gossip:

GMMTV posted their pilot trailers for 2023. I reported on them all here. Fewer this year than last which is a good thing, they should slow down and focus more. 

How did my predictions go? Not good. Scored a 6/10 maybe 6.5 if you’re feeling generous. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

2022 still to come?

Dec 9: Semantic Error movie (Viki) - the repackage rumored to have some added footage. 

Dec 19: Chains of Heart (movie? theaters?) trailer Suspense thriller about a forest ranger, smugglers, memory loss, and lost love. Stars Haii (Cirrus in TT2) and Poppy (Porpla in YYY). Adapted from a Y-novel of the same name by TJ Tommy. I don’t know if this is still releasing or if C19 has effected it. 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS 

Win, my love! Just call me his of the morning, hia. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, hia.

In Stongberry we trust! *consent in the house* 

This week’s earworm: Just B - Me (srs where did these boys come from? so good) 

(last week)

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

So, do you remember what got you into vore?

Okay so this is an interesting one because there are kinda two answers here depending on what you mean.

What got me into vore, the concept? Nothing. I have always liked the idea of vore. Ever since I was a little kid, I was fascinated with scenes of people being eaten in cartoons or the concept of it. Literally some of my earliest memories (about five or six years old?) are about that. I told my dad once at that age that I "want to go on a Safari and meet a lion" to which he said "you'll get eaten you know." And I remember my frustrated thought being "Duh, that's the point." I know I also tried more than once at that age to shove my hand in my dog's mouth to see if it would swallow me. I am very lucky my dogs were super gentle and didn't get angry at being messed with by a little kid with stupid ideas. I would act out being swallowed by blankets and other things as a kid or involve it into make-believe games somehow. I got obsessed with the Little Shop of Horrors remake and that might be what I'd consider my earliest "vore crush". This is just always meant to be, I guess.

What got me into vore, the community? Early 2010's YouTube. I was just on the computer at night watching videos when I saw in my recommended tab a video simply labeled "Vore". I clicked on it and it was just a small compilation of vore scenes from animated movies. (The one I remember specifically because it was on the thumbnail was a scene from this movie called The Pagemaster. Never heard of it before and never seen it but that was what lured me in.) After that, I started obsessively watching anything I could. Started with more of those kinds of from-media complications. Then I started finding compilations of actual vore art that got uploaded. This escalated to videos compiling the comic series from livinlovindude which lead me to his DeviantArt and that's when I figured out this stuff existed on other sites. Then I did the thing lots of kids on the Internet do when they find something they like but aren't supposed to look at--started looking anyway. DeviantArt got me into RPing which got me into writing and over a decade later, here we are!

(Disclaimer: This is not condoning minors interacting with vore content at all. I was doing it despite knowing I shouldn't and am relatively lucky that nothing traumatizing or negative happened to me for doing so.)

[misseligon]

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO THE HELL TO PAY PILOT!!

God, a whole year just went by??? Doesn't feel real honestly... I didn't expect to jump from just 15 subscribers on youtube to 739 in just a year! A lot has happened over the year. I graduated from college and got my Bachelor's Degree, I got to see my mom's side of the family for the first time in my life. And my peepee brain was busy taking a half year hiatus whilst also hyper fixating on a lot of different crap.

I got to brainstorm more what I want for Hell to Pay. Ik you guys were asking for a full animated series but i'm gonna be honest here... the pilot was written and animated all by me, and I had my online and college friends help voice act the pilot for a final. I don't really intend to continue the series animated-wise because that requires a bigger team and a budget and I... don't have the latter.

I've always wanted to continue the story as a webcomic b/c I have an easier time getting the story out at a faster pace compared to another 40-minute animatic episode that'll take another half year to get done... and trust me if I continued at that pace I think Hell to Pay would be incomplete by the time I turn 80 years old and keel over.

Unfortunately for my little baby project's first birthday, I don't exactly have much to give here, since i've been extremely busy storyboarding and drawing concepts for the next episode. But for you guys I can give you the synopsis of the first 5-ish episodes!

BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SUMMONING

In his second day in the afterlife, Profundus has to learn the ways of haunting in order to make a living not only from the three demons whom he met yesterday, but 10 more demons who Mollis brought in for extra help. Meeting new faces, witnessing more traumatic ways how to torture the living, Profundus finds out that being summoned by the living could bring him closer to finding his home universe and locate his wife Honey. But what happens if the first time he's summoned he gets trapped by a group of demon-worshipping college students?

CE N'EST PAS UN TRAVAIL

Profundus needs to find a job on top of his haunting duties in order to make a much more stable living, starting from rock bottom. After failing to find a suitable job from his "friends", he's offered a job as a still-life model from a self-proclaimed "Dadaist" named Clades. Upon hearing the demoness' name, Infortunii and co. warn of how infamous and dangerous Clades can be. Can Profundus quit his job on time before Clades and her followers lead Profundus into certain death?

PRISONER OF THE BODY

Attending classes on spells for newly deceased demons, Mollis teaches the easiest lesson for demons, possession. Concocting a plan to find a way into his universe and get a chance to speak to Honey one last time, Profundus plans to possess a mortal and meet up with Honey as said mortal. But plans go awry once Profundus accidentally kills the body of the man he was possessing and is trapped inside his body. Can the gang help pull Profundus out of this predicament?

BOX BITCH

Having no choice, Infortunii has to let an old acquaintance move in with her and Profundus after Box Bitch's landlord kicks them out (Fyi, their name is not actually Box Bitch, that's Infortunii's unaffectionate nickname for them). Times get tough when Box Bitch becomes an unbearable roommate and troubles both demons living under her roof, but tension rises once Box Bitch brings up that Infortunii used to be the life of a party, now she's a sanitized wet blanket, which easily ticks her off. What happened to Infortunii that soured her relationship with an old friend?

-SPOILER EPISODE, ONCE REVEALED POST BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SUMMONING-

FALLEN

News riles up in the afterlife, an angel has been banished from Caelestia and has fallen down to Damnatio! Taken in by Mollis and into safety, the fallen angel introduces herself as Lapis. Seeing her as the closest thing to a holy being, Profundus tries to bond with Lapis, claiming both have common ground in this hellish afterlife. Selfish motives aside, could Profundus and co. help and protect a struggling Lapis adjust in the afterlife?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hell to Pay as a series is planned to have 4 seasons/books. The first season/book is planned to have 33 chapters, idk how long it'll take to finish the first book, but a few years is definitely the most realistic expectation.

Thank you guys so much again for all your support and dedication! I'd like to thank all my friends and partners who made this whole project become a reality, and I hope to see you guys again soon! Check back on my tumblr for more future news about Hell to Pay! See you guys real soon!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[samskaterguy]

I love Ever After High more than I could probably ever say, but I’ll try in honor of its 10th anniversary. 

I discovered Ever After High when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, so I was very young, and I LOVED Disney Princess movies (kind of ironic given the history, huh?) and so I discovered the Brothers Grimm fairytales, and I adored those too. I find a series from a YouTuber I don’t remember the name of (7 Super girls? Or something?) And I think the video was “What’s your favorite show?” And the girl in the video explains what Ever After High is and that sounds AWESOME to a little kid like me. It was a high school for the children of the Brothers Grimm characters?????? AMAZING! Obviously not much was aid about the more,,grizzly details of the stories as this was a child’s doll line as well.

I started watching, and I instantly fell in love with Raven Queen when I saw what her whole deal was, also I really liked her style, as I was a little emo kid, and Raven striving to be herself in a world that didn’t accept that, that she had to just follow the rules that actively worked against her. That struck a little cord with me, and I wouldn’t realize it until many years later, but, spoiler! I’m trans. Raven is a character that, in general, means so much to me. I full person and soul mean this when I say she is my favorite fictional character of all time. Raven Queen meant so much to me, and others as well. 

Ashlynn and Hunter because I ate, slept and BREATHED True Hearts Day as a kid, to see these two people that loved each other, so deeply and true that they were willing to sacrifice their stories for one another despite the danger. Society told the two of them their love was wrong, Ashlynn’s best friend even told her she thought it was wrong, and that crushed Ashlynn. She even broke up with Hunter over her fears about their stories, but also so everyone would just. Stop. The whole reason they even told ANYONE was because Duchess had threatened to essentially out them when they weren’t ready. 

Then, after all of that pain, and trail and tribulation they got up, well Ashlynn did, she got up and she told the whole world that she loves Hunter, and doesn’t care what anyone, or their destines have to think. If she can’t love Hunter and be a royal? Then call her Ashlynn Ella the rebel! 

Then as the years went on, I got older, and Dragon Games aired. I saw Darling Charming, a character I didn’t really care about too much until I got older, and I saw her give “CPR” to Apple White, a character I hated, and ALSO grew to love as I got older. 

My personal feelings to these character didn’t matter, though. I saw these girls KISS on screen. I saw two same gender people give TRUE. LOVES. KISS. to one another for the first time ever. It wasn’t just an m/f couple with some VERY gay subtext. Seeing that kiss was more magical than anything in the show. That one moment between two characters that I grew up watching, as if to say it was okay..I won’t lie when I tell you I maybe cried that night after I finished watching it. It made me feel so happy, so seen. Safe. 

As I got older, I saw these characters in different lights, and I saw more depth to them than I ever did before. Characters I hated as a kid suddenly made more sense, this horrible system of destiny looked so much more daunting and scary than it ever did before. I hated Apple as a kid, and that’s an understatement. Sorry Apple fans, I love her now, and that’s because as I aged I saw more depth in her than I did when I was younger. 

Apple was also a victim of destiny, just in a different way than say Raven, or Briar. She had such high expectations put on her from her mother, her father, the WHOLE SOCIETY THEY ARE STRUCTURED AROUND. Apple also faced a traumatic experience as a kid that also just reinforced this line of thinking. She had her entire life planned, if she liked that or not, and she couldn’t escape it. Apple was faced with harsh reality so suddenly at what was supposed to be the biggest, most important day of her entire life. All of that particular planning to be the perfect princess, her entire life’s purpose for as far as she knew, was over. Torn away in an instant with the rip of a page. It would make sense that Apple would take so long to come around to the idea of choosing your own destiny, or that CHOOSING can also mean living your destined story, but maybe with some tweaks. 

Apple’s whole arc in Dragon Games and Way Too Wonderland is just so good. I love her so much.

ALSO Raven never even wanted to start a whole movement or anything, she just wanted to not be like her mother, she just didn’t want to be evil. She was just 15, like literally everyone else in the show. All she wanted was to exist as herself, and it was a battle to get close to that goal.

I realized as I aged, and in general became a tad more jaded towards the world that oppressive systems don’t really help anyone. A lot of kids at Ever After High, royal or rebel, is screwed over with the destiny system in some way. It made me think about our own society in ways I haven’t before, but that’s a talk for another day.

Also, as a kid I only had access to YouTube and maybe Netflix, so I didn’t read any of the books until literally about two years ago when I could get my hands on them, so I literally just have NEW information to sift through, and grow with a world that I’ve had for so long with me already.

I think there’s so much more i can say about family issues, and family non-issues, and about culture, or the way there are rebels who want their destiny, but still side with the rebels because they think everyone should have a free choice, or how Cedar and Cerise feel just a tad trans to me, or THE WONDERLANDIANS AND RED AND BADWOLF, but that’s more general fandom posting or a bit too personal, so I’ll just leave it here.

In conclusion, Ever After High, it’s been a beautiful, spellbinding 10 years and I’m so thankful for the fans, the people that made the series/dolls/books/etc, and that I wish all of these characters, and people a Happily Ever After in their own ways.

[veeples]

book recommendations

@lavampira AND @narrativefoiltrope beloveds tagged me! thank you for the tag dani and i'm still soooo thrilled you loved goth western so much <3

tagging: @nerdferatum and @winesharksea and anyone else! tbh if you're a mutual of mine and you're on storygraph hmu, i love following other people and seeing what they're reading.

1. the last book I read:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty — I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to tear up from a memoir detailing her year working for a crematory, but it ended up being a very touching experience in understanding how Caitlin went from college graduate to eventual Ask a Mortician (one of my fave youtubers I miss her so much). It is a book that deals with death, both the traumatic and the relatively peaceful, so maybe not the LIGHTEST of reads, but one I actually wanna re-visit soon!

2. a book I recommend:

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin — I got recommended this series by @queerbrujas, and wow! I think if you're someone whose interested for a sort of, soft start into sci-fi, the elements are there and add value, but the emotional arcs and world building that unfolds is just so masterfully done. Once I really got into the first book, I tore through the next two in the series with relative ease.

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo — This is just a super fun fantasy read!! It makes me wanna read more like, fast paced heist sort of novels. Each character in the ensemble has a strong personality so they all stand out from each other, but they complement each other well and offer interesting relationships with each other! I was so enamored by the book I had to run out to a store to buy the sequel the night I finished it.

4. a book I’ve read twice (or more):

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir — Funny thing is, I almost never re-read books because I feel like, good God I already have so many on my to be read list that I keep adding onto, I don't have time to re-read books. But this series has a ton of re-readability value, and it's almost necessary to take a second or third or fourth pass (depending on how insane you are) to pick up on the subtleties and the continuous narrative of themes that Muir puts down once you get past the memes and lesbians. I'm putting the whole series here because I've read Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Nona the Ninth 2-3 times now and will probably re-read again before Alecto the Ninth comes out (impatient grumbling).

5. a book on my TBR:

Sterling House by Alix E. Harrow — Can I be completely honest, I actually don't know that much about this book. A librarian gave me a little book magazine when I was picking up some books one day and this book was on the cover. And the cover was just very pretty. I'm a very shallow person, you see. Also a bit like a bird because I see something pretty and I want it. But I also really wanna read Dungeon Meshi, so there's that too.

6. a book I’ve put down:

The Telling Room: A Tale of Love, Betrayal, Revenge, and the World's Greatest Piece of Cheese by Michael Paterniti — This book was honestly such a drag to read. Slow paced and at 80% in, I still hadn't gotten to the confrontation between the original cheesemaker and his best friend who sold his family's cheese and business for money, which is so hyped up. There's a point to it taking so fucking long, and the point is, that's apparently just how the people the author visited told stories. Long winding tales with bunches of offshoots. Probably great as an orally told story. Bit miserable as written word.

7. a book on my wishlist:

The Unclaimed: Abandonment and Hope in the City of Angels by Stefan Timmermans, Pamela Prickett — This one I saw in an e-mail for new books that came out in March, I think, and I have an interest in funeral practices and issues in modern day death management, thanks to being such a big fan of Caitlin Doughty. This book deals with the growing phenomenon of the unclaimed dead, which got touched upon in one of Caitlin's books, but not expanded upon. I try not to buy books if I can avoid it, but this one being so new and probably a little too niche for my library, I'll have to purchase it if I wanna read it!

8. a favorite book from my childhood:

??? — I don't think I have one to speak of that I can remember. I remember really being enchanted with some book about a girl finding a secret garden, so maybe it was Literally just The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgsen Burnett. Or like, I really liked the kid's book about the old lady who swallows a fly. Does that count???

9. a book you would give to a friend:

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson — This book was recommended to me by a friend, specifically the audiobook version. And wow, yeah! I kind of judge audiobook, and really narrator quality, by this one! The narrator put so much love and emotion into narrating the book, which really highlighted the emotional high points and made them punchier. This book may have made cry a little because I am always a sucker about characters who feel they don't fit in anywhere, who feel odd, who feel different, but find support and community and love with other people who feel the same way. So, like, I would definitely give this book to someone if they wanted an introduction to how good audiobooks can be.

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda — I bought the bilingual version of this book last year so I could see how Spanish is used in poetry, and then found out that he has a complex way of using Spanish so maybe it's not that useful. <3 And then I didn't read it at all, it's still on my bookshelf. Judging me. u_u I'll get to it one day.

11. a nonfiction book you own:

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado — Don't remember how this book got on my radar, but I went out and bought it and was so pleasantly surprised by how the style Machado uses in it to detail her memoir of an abusive relationship. So it's not a light read whatsoever, but just by style alone made it very evocative, it almost reads like literary fiction. I never thought about approaching memoirs or non-fiction in what I figure is a kind of non-standard way, so it stands out from the other non-fiction books I've read.

12. what are you currently reading:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver — So this is apparently a sort of, like, modern retailing of Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, which I would have got, except like, I'm not that big of a literary nerd. So I had to look that up. Really, it caught my attention because I'm currently re-listening to a fave podcast, Old Gods of Appalachia, and this book is set in like, 80s-90s Appalachia so it's adjacent enough to my interest. So far it is masterfully written and has such a strong voice for the narrator and protagonist. It's also a thick ass book, well over 500 pages which is a bit out of my usual range, but it's been nice to sit down with a longer story that feels like I'm sitting down to listen to the guy tell me his life's story.

13. what are you planning on reading next:

??? — Bruv who knows? I don't plan these things until I'm done with whatever I'm reading now u.u. I have a little gay romance I bought during indie bookstore day and I also promised @sysba to read some other Chinese manhua with some other sad tragic gay boys. It'll probably be that one.

[thespianinthebackcorner]

Okay so. You've heard me talk about Symbiosis and its connections with Rhine and Albedo.

But. I recently refound another series that ALSO gives me insane Rhine and Albedo vibes.

It's a series of songs, not yet complete, called Qualia Automata, by Team 6x111. Starts with Reckless Battery Burns, continues with End-World Normopathy, and keeps going with Lamentations. Hasn't yet ended, so that's it for now, but.

The story follows Tamari, a robot powered by AI that was created by Fayrouz, and is coded so complex that he literally has human emotions. Problem is, Fayrouz treats him like a machine and then he eventually runs away when he starts generating traumatized responses. Fayrouz then makes Mariyam, a second automaton whose emotions are purposely dulled, and is considered a "successful" model.

Now later on in the series Tamari goes a little crazy and ropes Mariyam into helping him find alternate timelines where Fayrouz actually loves him (Jesus Tamari wtf) (it's not working) BUT the connections with Tamari and Subject Two, Mariyam and Albedo, and Fayrouz with Rhinedottir is. Killing me.

(Actually when Reckless Battery Burns first released I got major Albedo vibes and posted a comment being like "hey maybe Tamari is a synthetic human of some sort" but I thought i was just biased and deleted it... Imagine the shock when it ended up being canon lmaoooo 😂)

But I'm listening to Lamentations rn which is from Fayrouz's perspective and. Some of the lines.

"redefine how to feel human, redefine my kindness, redefine what's wrong what's right so you don't test my patience"

"forging and sorting successes, things will never be the same, Tear apart break the neglected"

"...to being her home a perfect twin, perfection you could've never been"

"brace for the fate you'll face for following the path you paved"

HELLO??? this gives so much Rhine vibes. Like I can't even explain it they just fit together. Oh and also Fayrouz is, like, lying on the floor drunk through this entire song because her kids left and she's literally lamenting over everything, which, yeah Rhine's definitely had that phase at least once. Like literally the fucking art for the song is Fayrouz lying on the floor with a wine bottle in one hand and a photo album of her with her ex-husband and a notebook with photos of Mariyam and Tamari next to her. She made a lot of mistakes and she's now realising she may have been the problem all along. (I'm now realising this may set her up for a death flag. Shit)

And then. The final part of the song.

"My hands are as filthy as can be, beneath the skin, tarnished by rogue machinery, my stomach's churning throwing up my grief, anatomiting your synthetic humanity "

"failed to recognise warning signs and I let it happen thrice you're once more led astray, something I never understood the question I overlooked, am I the one to blame...?"

gOD. The way this hits and reminds me of Rhine so much I cannot even. Put it into words. Anyway go listen to the series they're all on YouTube and make a bit more sense with the MVs

[notsocheezy]

A Messy Attempt at a Writeblr Intro

This is way overdue, but as my one-hundred-and-first post on the hellsite, I'll go ahead and tell you a little about me. Too much, perhaps. No matter - that's what I always do.

I'm Cassandra Erica, local girlish-shaped thing carrying she/they pronouns under each arm (despite how much more difficult it makes grocery shopping). I'm traumatized and so are mostly all of my characters, and they deserved it just as much as I did (none) but that's the cards they're dealt. By me. I swear, I tried to stop writing about childhood trauma, it just didn't work.

"So," you're wondering, "what have you written so far? What are you working on? Are you going to keep up this weird reflexive second-person perspective?" To answer back-to-front: no, many things, and not quite as many things. Here are some lists!

~~~

RELEASED ON NOTSOCHEEZY.COM!

The Real Me (2022, Short Story)

There's something a bit off about businessman Mr. Shirley Jones. What's he hiding?

Three Takes on Death (2022, Short Story)

What might happen when we die?

Pink Bow (2022, Novella)

Who knew trying on one dress at the mall could change a person's entire life? Chris - or, uh, Kris - certainly didn't. Was it just a dress inside that box with the pink bow, or was it something more?

Plus some other things, don't worry about it.

~~~

BRAIN CURDS

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Here are some of the greatest hits!

Three. Two. One. (#31)

The Characters V The Author (#28)

The Heart Wants What It Wants (#39)

The Frank Program (Series)

Frank hosts a podcast with high profile guests, and he's not afraid to tell you "what the media doesn't want you to know."

Passable. (Series)

Four trans besties live in the city and do things that are not strictly ethical... or smart. Basically gay Seinfeld.

Government Man (Series)

Government Man is from the government.

Dominic of the Darkness (Series)

The antichrist is about to celebrate his sweet 666th birthday by breaking hell - that is, going to live on Earth for a week.

~~~

WIP!

Anthill Theory (Short Film) Finished - Waiting for Soundtrack

An exploration of free will through a time loop that the protagonist doesn't know he's in.

Blue Rabbit (Short Story) Pre-Final

Sequel to A Covenant of Rust (see below). I keep telling myself I'm going to finally finish this one.

Passable. Episode One - The Virgin Fermenting

Revised from several Brain Curds, this is the pilot episode of sorts for my trans sitcom.

One Late Night Easter Morning (Short Story) First Draft

A chance encounter at a bar leads to late-night musings about humanity.

The Order of the Degenerati (Novel) Outlining

A secret society was formed after the tragedy of the holocaust to make sure it never happened again. Unfortunately, nowadays the most they can do is make YouTube videos go viral.

It Goes Up (Never Never NEVER NEVER NEVER) Complete

You will never read it.

Memories Retained (Novella?) Outlining

Ever had a dream where you were back in high school, before it all went to shit, and you decided to do something differently? Ever woke up and found out it really happened?

Seeing Other People (Novel?) Brain Curding

A story of love, polyamory, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and heartbreak. Gee, I wonder why I feel compelled to write this one?

And MORE! THERE IS ALWAYS MORE!

~~~

MY BOOK!(?)

Publishers don't seem super interested in collections of short stories, and I'm afraid a collection of short stories and novellas may make a literary agent's head explode, so expect to see Tales from Starved Childhoods as a self-published debut! It includes a fully rewritten new version of Everyone Has Their Price (2017); newly revised versions of Next Day Delivery (2017), The Real Me (2022), Three Takes on Death (2022) and Pink Bow (2022); and all-new stories such as:

A Covenant of Rust (2023, Novella)

A newlywed couple moves into a 1950s prefab home in early 2020, but finds more hidden beneath the surface than the floor plan could reveal. Will forgotten secrets and isolation bring them together, or tear them apart?

AND SOME OF THOSE WIPs UP THERE! THEY'RE WHY THIS ISN'T OUT YET!

Tales from Starved Childhoods is set to be the physical manifestation of my early career as a writer, so stay tuned and look for it someplace books are sold!

~~~

If you'd like to be one of my readers or vice versa, don't hesitate to reach out! I'm shy but I'm friendly.

I'm always happy to have more eyes on what I'm making and I'm always happy to read something new. It helps with the burnout. I'm open to most any genre - I don't really think much about labels when coming up with ideas.

If you work for a publisher and you see something you like, send an email to publishing@notsocheezy.com with the subject line, "Business Factory."

[scribe-cas]

9 People Tag

Thank you @squarebracket-trick for the tag!!

These little ask game things are so fun and I’m starting to get her hang of them-

Tagging (with no pressure, of course): @hallwriteblr @rbbess110 @covenscribe @scribe-of-stories @dyrewrites @bloomibee @lilac-honey @at-thezenith @antihell

Three ships:

Radiodust (I will ship the asexual with the hooker and they WON’T fuck)

My book series OTP (they will never be together in canon again)

Any of my OCs X Any of my mutuals/friends’ OCs (yes I am wholeheartedly serious I cherish spontaneous crack ships with my life)

Currently listening:

uuuh it was some remix of Pitbull’s “Hotel Room Service” (i have two characters who play Just Dance and imagining them to that brings me to hysterics) because I was stuck cleaning the house today

Last movie:

NIMONA. OH MY GOD.

I’ve been a fan since 4th grade when I read the comics for the first time. To see it made into a movie- I can’t. I’m in love.

Plus it’s hilarious because ever since I’ve made friends watch it, they’ve been like “it’s you” “they made a movie about you” and one time I made a joke about being a Nimona cosplayer and my best friend of almost 6 years (my favorite person ever) looked me dead in the eyes and said “wym cosplayer, that’s just how you look” and I’ve never been one hit KOed so fast. Anyways I am normal and regular about the gender movie of all time.

Carrying on-

Currently reading:

Like 5 WIPs that friends of mine have been gracious enough to share with me. I am in love with all of their writing but one in particular who’s finally started to pursue writing as a possible career (they have tumblr if you’re reading this yes I’m talking about you ily hi) has absolutely blown me away with their artistic talent. They have a way with words and a story that I am feral for and rooting for.

Also, my old rough drafts!

Along with Silver (Chris Wooding), Asylum (Madeline Roux), and A Court Of Thorns and Roses (Sarah J Mass).

Currently watching:

The save 5 YouTube videos. Over and over. Someone please save me from myself /lh

Currently Consuming:

Uhhh the answer is unfortunately nothing-

I’m hungry but too tired to get out of bed so I haven’t eaten yet-

Hopefully later tonight

Currently Craving:

Creamy horchata. Like the kind you make with sweetened condensed milk. The good shit.

Last thing researched (for writing purposes):

Depression and the different coping mechanisms that go along with types of trauma. (Ie what coping mechanisms go along with what feelings that come from a traumatic event)

Current Obsession:

Both Nimona and my WIPs! I have two writing projects that I’m just getting back into, and I’m really really excited about that.

(If anyone is interested in them let me knoW /lh)

Anyways yes

Go forth and tag more people, my wonderful morbos

[dyketennant]

i feel like when dhmis first blew up, it was purely because of the shock value piece of it—look, they're singing funny songs and now it's all gorey. and there definitely is some of that in the new show, but having more time to really flesh out their narratives made it all feel much more purposeful.

watching it i couldn't help but think of how much the new show reads as a satire, not just some traumatizing internet video. it made me laugh more than it startled me. and it always seemed like a satire of children's media, but now it feels a bit more mature, critical, and complex—literally going from the big "capitalism is bad," to critiquing how we treat people who are grieving, to found family and feeling pressured to get along with your blood family, etc etc.

and by the last two episodes it's much less about the shock value and much more about a haunting, psychological horror that many of us can relate to. this existential dread, if "this" is all life is, even going to episode 5 and seeing how afraid and hopeless red is (something something growing up and fear of homelessness/not "making it").

this show was not as scary to me as the youtube series was. maybe it's just because i'm a little older. but honestly, i'm glad it wasn't.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

2, 16, 23 for the ask game? :)

2.a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

Hmmmm. Honestly? I was really iffy on Tazercraft mindlink to begin with, but not it is 100% some of my favourite stuff to play with. Every time I go do write something else I miss it so badly that it gets in the way of me finishing things oops.

I still don't think I'd apply it to canon? I'd give them earpieces or some other form of own wireless communication if doing strict canon, ones which when Mike was taken got broken and they don't have the resources to make more of, but I absolutely adore it for fan activities.

16.a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

And now watch my mind go completely and utterly blank. I can think of things but none of them seem tiny to me? Like how much Etoiles loves people even if they are very tiring (and the them being tiring is also important sometimes), or the fact Baghera is/was an amazing investigator (the was is there because the trauma of finding her childhood room fucked her up so bad and I haven't really seen her investigate nearly as much since - but she is so so good at it when she can try, just the last thing she found was so traumatic she stopped looking for fear of more pain or something and agh I adore Baghera but never talk about her), or hmmmm. Maybe the look Cellbit made when Philza didn't take photos and the 'but I like your photos' with that Fed worker meeting, where Phil didn't think it worth taking any as Cellbit was there. Or the fact with the first Rose message when Philza asked to join Fit and Pac in the dungeon so he had company, it was *Pac* not Fit who said yes (and it says so much about all three of them that little interaction idk it just. That entire day but especially that one interaction).

23. the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

Hmmm it's not so much curiosity as I've now fallen down the rabbit hole, but my mutuals are definitely the reason I watched even OPQ, let alone the fact I'm now 3 episodes into OPD a series which requires me to use youtube auto-subtitles auto-translate to watch. And I am in deep enough I wasn't willing to wait the few months for the subbing team to make actual ones (they're working on it). (If I've vanished a lot, its because I'm watching Ordem Paranormal and crying, and it's mostly Saga's fault).

[ramblesbiab]

I think of the most interesting parts of non-human gender to me is that I was in what has to be an incredibly rare scenario regarding it. I was socially pressured into feeling like I had to be animal-gendered to fit in, rather then any sort of opposite to that.

I was a good few months into making sapphic audio roleplays on YouTube at the time, along with incredibly lonely, so I decided I would try to make a Discord server. The first week ended up with eighteen year old me getting lovebombed into a toxic relationship by a twenty-six year old, but after I pretended I had quickly recovered from that despite the fact that it still haunts me sometimes, things were smooth sailing. I was making lots of queer friends, I was getting closer to them, I finally felt like I had a place in the world.

And then, someone started explaining therians and such to folks, which is cool obviously. I don’t want this to come across as an anti-non-human genders post, I think it’s beautiful that the world is so unique in that way. But a lot of folks who I was becoming friends with started realizing things about themselves, and by a lot, I genuinely mean all of them. It felt like a wave crashed over the server as everyone in my new group started realizing they were wolves, foxes, sheep, etc.

A few months into my new friendgroup and I was already the odd one out. It was terrifying, honestly. I was going to lose everybody again. So, I started thinking about deer. I love deer, they’re my favorite animal, and I could probably work with that. I began doing a lot of mental convincing. A lot of telling myself that it wasn’t just my desire for attention making me happy when I told people, it had to be gender euphoria. I had to be a deer.

For months, it kept going like that. That’s not to mention the stretch where I convinced myself I was plural, but I won’t touch on that since it was even more traumatizing. Everybody called me a deer, everyone treated me like a deer, and even through the masks of telling myself it felt good, there was an edge to it. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop. It took over a year before I finally had to put a stop to it, and that started a series of events that ultimately led to me losing the majority of the friendgroup that I had. Thankfully, those I care for most stayed.

It feels so strange looking back. How much time I lost due to my desperation to fit in, how many days I forced myself to be comfortable because I thought everything would fall apart otherwise. I’ll never get that time back.

Despite being deep into my transition already at the time, I log that year the same way I do most years before I even realized I was a woman. It makes me realize just how little time I’ve spent being the actual, true me. Hopefully I’ll be able to find out.