#that they had to spend hours of THEIR lives exploring it. why only me. please. i am starving. starving for footage.

[theprincessandthepie]

good god. I am finally done i think.

[lxstfathier]

Cachorrita

Los Vaqueros x Reader

Headcanons

Summary: you got caught in the middle of the narco violence, losing everything. Thankfully, the vaqueros rescued you and decided to adopt you… as a pet.

Warnings: murder/trauma mentions, pet play, collaring, poly relationship (?), slight smut.

A/N: i can’t stop thinking about Ale and Rudy, they’re both so cute and boyfriend shaped and i love them very much 💗 so i got this silly idea in the middle of the night and decided to write it, don’t ask me what the hell is this, just enjoy it. And please remember that english is not my first language. Hope y’all like it :)

♡ Your parents were killed by el sin nombre, and you were kidnapped for a few days with the intention of human trafficking. Luckily, you were rescued by los vaqueros before you ended up being trafficked for real.

♡ It was nice to be free again, but everything you had ever know didn’t exist anymore. Not even your home. You had nowhere to go, and such a naive little girl like you would be an easy target in Las Almas… again. That’s why the vaqueros offered you to stay with them, in their base.

♡ You accepted immediately. They saved your life, and you would trust them with it.

♡ At first, it was weird to live among military men. Seeing them always with a serious look on their faces and yelling orders was quite scary, but soon you got used to it. You got along with everyone, and they all treated you in the nicest way possible, so it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

♡ They even gave you your own little room!

♡ Once you started to get more comfortable, you gained the confidence to get out of your room more often, exploring the base and helping around with the daily tasks, learning the basic things. And it wasn’t long until you grew closer to Alejandro and Rodolfo, following them around any time you could.

♡ Alejandro thinks of you as one of those stray dogs that Rudy used to bring into the base (in a cute way), that’s why they started calling you “Cachorrita”.

♡ You love the nickname, but you loved it even more when they actually started treating you as a puppy, making sure that you’re always happy and taken care of.

♡ One day, they surprise you with a pretty collar. It’s made from the softest and most finest leather, in your favorite color, and it also has a cute heart-shaped tag that says “Cachorrita” and “Propiedad de Los Vaqueros” in the back. Such a sweet gift. It made you teary. You hugged every single one of them as a thank you and then Alejandro put it around your neck <3

♡ It doesn’t matter if they’re all at the base, or just a few soldiers, you always go out to spend time with them. You keep them company, listen to anything they have to say, comfort them, or just snuggle on their lap while they play with your hair. They say often that you’re way better than a therapy dog, but you don’t really think so.

♡ One time you decided it would be a great idea to cook something for them, so you prepared chilaquiles con carne, and they all went insane, saying that it was delicious, better than the bland military food they were used to eat daily. So now you cook for them almost every day, remembering the recipes your mother taught you.

♡ Even though they all agreed to collar you, only Alejandro is allowed to put a leash on you. He doesn’t do it often, just when he has to do a lot of paperwork in his office, taking you with him to keep you at his feet for hours. “Good girl” he says petting your head while you rest your chin on his thigh. “Keep being obedient and i’ll give you a treat when i’m done”. If he gets stressed, he might use that pretty little mouth of yours.

♡ They won’t hesitate to spoil you. You want new clothes? Stuffed animals? Jewelry? The newest iphone? don’t even worry about it, Ale and Rudy will be buying it all for you.

♡ When they go away on missions, they always text you whenever they can, making sure that you’re fine without them. Rudy always gives you one of his credit cards, telling you to use it if you need something. But you have never used it, you have everything you need at the base.

♡ When they come back, the first thing you hear is Alejandro yelling “Dónde está nuestra cachorrita?”, and you’ll come out of your room as fast as you can, running to them to hug them tight, glad that they’re all safe and sound.

♡ Sometimes, when Alejandro or Rodolfo get horny (which is often), they come to you, and you spread your legs for them, happy to please them however they want. Rudy fucks you sweet and slow. Alejandro fucks you fast and rough. But you like it more when they both fuck you at the same time.

♡ When you get your period, they all treat you as if you were dying, giving you everything you want and need. Alejandro makes sure you have pain pills and a hot water bottle to put on your tummy, and Rudy goes to the store to get more pads and your favorite snacks.

♡ When you wake up in the middle of the night because of your constant nightmares, you sneak into Rudy’s room, getting in the bed with him and cuddling up in his chest. “Qué pasa, cachorrita? you got nightmares again?” he asks, half awake, and when you whisper a “si” he just holds you closer, hearing his heart beat until you fall asleep.

♡ They teach you how to use a gun, just in case. But you really hate it. Those things are heavy and loud and scary.

♡ Speaking of things you hate, you also don’t like going outside due to your trauma. But Alejandro and Rudy insist on taking you out at least once a week, going to the local market for some groceries, and you hold Ale’s hand as if your life depended on it, way too scared to let him go. But, if you behave well, they buy you ice cream on the way back.

♡ You’re not a brat, but sometimes you accidentally do something they don’t like. They’re the military after all, highly disciplined men, and you aren’t used to that. If you do something slightly disrespectful or don’t listen to orders, it will result on Rudy or Ale yanking you by the collar, planting a firm smack on your ass. “Don’t do that again, entendido?”.

♡ You love stealing Ale’s military jackets. They’re comfy, oversized and smell like him. But you didn’t expected him to get you your own jacket, embroidered with “cachorrita” on the front and a bright pink armband that says “emotional support”. And you love it, of course, but that doesn’t stop you from stealing his jackets again.

♡ You have an oral fixation, and Rudy thrives off it, letting you bite his arms, lick his neck or have a really messy and heated up kissing session (if he’s not busy). Sometimes he even lets you suck his fingers, but be careful with that one cuz he might want to give you something bigger to suck on.

♡ If any of Los Vaqueros gets hurt on a mission or training, you will take care of them just like they do with you, not leaving their side until they feel better. You can’t stand seeing any of your -new found- family in pain, makes you feel sad :(

♡ When your birthday comes, Alejandro and Rodolfo enter your room early at morning, singing las mañanitas and giving you the gift they got for you. It’s exciting, so you quickly open the box, eager to see what’s inside. Gasping when you finally admire the pretty set of fluffy ears, tail plug, and thigh high socks with paw print, all in your favorite color. “Why don’t you try it on for us, cachorrita?” Alejandro suggests, and you’re more than happy to do so, already feeling a tingle between your legs.

♡ You’re on birth control, obviously, but Rudy and Ale are already thinking about getting you off those stupid pills…

[hitomisuzuya]

Yandere! Kunikuzushi x fem!reader. Some smut.

This is something little I wrote more for myself because I am feeling insecure, especially about my writing. It's 4:30am for me, and I tail spun hard into Kuni brain rot about an hour ago lol. And I wanted to give a little bit of a model on what my Yandere! requests would look or sound like when I snap to answer them and wanted to test myself a little. Please enjoy. This was a little self indulgent, ngl.

It only took Kunikuzushi a few weeks to have everything about you memorized and photographically cataloged in his head.

Every little thing you did, well, he thought it was magic. He had every mannerism memorized, especially the way you smiled at him when you gave him headpets and called him cute. He craved headpets and praise from you.

The way you walked, your stride confident, even and perfectly spaced. He even knew how long your stride was, not really understanding how he was able to calculate it with a moments glance.

There was one habit in particular that would make him mentally tap his chin for hours while he tried to figure it out. You would rarely ever look in a mirror. You even told him that you could brush your hair going only by touch. He thought you were a genius because of that, by the way. He couldn't comprehend why you wouldn't like mirrors. You were most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

Kunikuzushi always followed you like a shadow, waiting, counting the seconds until you glanced over your shoulder at him, asking him to catch up so you could talk to him better. He loves the sound of your voice. It was the most beautiful, soothing sound he'd ever heard. He would listen to you talk all day if you let him, resting his head in your lap, smiling as he played with your hair.

He loved your hair. It was soft, long and, silky. He didn't understand when you said you hated it when your hair curled slightly on the ends sometimes when it dried. He would occasionally (very often) asked you if he could braid it.

Kunikuzushi would watch you outside your windows for hours. He didn't care if you were sleeping, doing chores, or reading. He wanted to watch you. Breathe in the sight of you as thoroughly as he could.

Even though you were strong and capable, you were also vulnerable and he needed to protect you because you lived alone in Inazuma. Everyday he would go your parent's graves and thank them for giving birth to you. Why won't you just ask him to live with you permanently? He already was constantly over at your house. You would always lean out your window and tell him, "I don't mind if you stand there and watch me, Kuni, but you can come inside anytime you like." His heart leapt the highest when you did that.

He thought you would be horrified when you caught him watching you touch yourself one night. But you didn't and he loved you even more for that. And he didn't think that was possible. You always amazed him in a new way everyday.

When he finally got the nerve to ask you if he could sex with you, you said yes. He loved that you were blushing because he could feel his cheeks flushed the same way.

Kunikuzushi would spend hours into the night doing foreplay alone, marking your skin in deep, possessive love bites as he explored and learned about your body. He committed every sensitive place on a map in his head instantly. He wanted you to corrupt him.

So he then could in turn do the same to you. He would great care in leaning what you liked. He was determined to mold you exactly to his tastes. You were already perfect for him. His soulmate. But corrupting you would make you more perfect for him.

[dragonnan]

Friday Fic Recs

The Sandman - Dreamling

The Undone and the Divine E by @dancinbutterfly

Warnings: Consensual Violence, Burning, Stabbing, Skin picking, Drowning, The Corinthian is His Own Warning, Cannibalism, Horror, Suicidal ideation, Mutilation, romanticization of violence, Dissociation, BDSM elements

For 24 hours, John Dee influences the entire world with the Dreamstone to make what he thinks is a more honest world.

At the New Inn, Hob finds himself uniquely positioned to save his fellow patrons from the dangers they now pose to themselves and each other.

Why not? After all, what's the worst that could happen?

And how can he do anything else?

Read Me Your Longing M by @linzod

The Stranger hesitates, and does something Hob would not have believed possible. He stammers. “I- I do not remember. I came to and was being pursued.”

Hob notices the older man approaching, but is shocked as his voice rings out, addressing them both, “My dear boy, I am so glad we have found you.” He observes the situation warily; the only reaction from his friend is subtle, the smallest recoil.

“Who exactly are you?” Hob asks the man.

“Why, I’m Paul McGuire, and I can’t thank you enough,” the man looks at Hob’s ID badge, “Dr. Gadling, for finding my nephew.”

Hob’s eyes narrow, as he flatly asks, “Your nephew?”

***

Hob’s life is forever changed when his Stranger literally stumbles back into his life, amnestic and hunted, and he must use the skills gathered over an immortal life to evade their pursuers. They soon realize that bits of memory are coming back to Hob’s Stranger, through the power of literature. They are slower, however, to recognize that the most important story to explore may be their own.

A love letter to books, libraries, and the stories that make us, and allow us to change for the better.

Part of the Centennial Husbands Big Bang! Work Complete, Includes Art!

to keep our metaphysics warm by ineverfeltyoung G

“Where on Earth did you learn to make pizza?” Death asks around a mouthful. Hob hasn’t even finished serving himself yet and she’s already dug in. Dream is certain that etiquette would denote this rude behavior, but Hob doesn’t seem to mind, only giving her a disbelieving look.

“I’m immortal,” he says blandly. “Italy. Where else?”

Death comes to dinner. Dream does the dishes. Hob cries a little bit.

Series: Part 2 of the abstract entities dinner club

Cottagecore series by @the-apocrypha

Warnings: vary by story

The love story of a fae prince and a hedgewitch in the middle ages. <3

The Measure Of A Soul E by @vlakas-ex-machina @blueberrymffn

When Hob Gadling made a drunken deal with a mysterious man in a pub, he didn’t expect anything to come of it. Waking up the following morning with a golden mark on his wrist was a shock, though less than finding out that he couldn’t die. Who had he made a deal with, and what did he want? His Stranger was far from forthcoming, so he’d have to figure it out himself. That his mark was not just a passkey to an underworld of supernatural beings but the sign that he wasn’t meant to spend eternity alone was enough to send him down paths he never knew existed and ask more questions than were answered. Who, or more importantly what was his Stranger, and did the mysterious man know who Hob was destined for?

(An AU where only immortals have soulmarks that mark their species/type as well as their partner, and Hob has something no one has seen before)

who wants to live forever? M by ranchdiip

“An Endless?” Hob asks, softly, because it feels like a question that needs to be soft.

“That’s what we are,” Death responds, trying again for a small smile. “Me and D—”

“Don’t,” Hob interrupts, far stronger than he meant to, and Death looks surprised for as long as it takes him to get out, “Don’t, please. I-I want to hear it from him.”

Sympathy colors Death’s gaze even as Hob feels his face burn. Six hundred years, Hob thinks—he’ll be damned if he finds out his Stranger’s name from anyone but the odd man himself.

—

It's 1989 and Hob Gadling thinks he's been stood up. Death herself is kind enough to inform him otherwise—and, well, now Hob's got to bloody do something about it, doesn't he?

it doesn't matter which you heard (the holy or the broken hallelujah) T by @meadowziplines for Thranduilland

Warnings: Kidnapping, Torture, occultism, Blood and Violence, Blood and Injury, Whump, Broken Bones, dislocations, magical torture, Physical Torture, Delirium, Confusion, Memory Issues, Identity Issues

Roderick Burgess kidnaps Hob Gadling on June 7, 1989, intending to break both him and Dream. Instead, Dream being rather aggressively tortured triggers the knowledge of Hob's identity as Hope of the Endless, wrapped away in a mental box as they had been.

[it-was-funeral-grey]

Heavy (Al Haitham x F!Reader)

Prelude Part 1

Summary: Being the ACTING grand sage is hard. He's cracking, and he knows it.

Warnings: Vulgarities, very stressed al haitham, unhealthy living habits, bros shouldering the weight of a nation, SPOILERS FOR SUMERU AND EVENTUALLY AL HAITHAM'S LORE

Word count: <610 words

Inspired by: -

Author's note: just wanted to explore more about Al Haitham's time as the acting grand sage. As much as he's capable and stuff, he's only human. There's no way he could have done the job without stress, especially since he's used to his simple job as a scribe.

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

Al Haitham hasn't cried in years. But he's coming really close to it now.

He hasn't slept in days. He hasn't eaten since yesterday. He's at his bloody limit. But the papers and reports and proposals and notices just keep coming.

It never ends. Everything needs to be done NOW. Everything needs reviewing. Everything needs immediate attention. And it's not like he can delegate these tasks to anyone else. No one knows how to do them.

Azar and those traitors had pretty much micro-managed everything. They were so obsessed with having absolute control that they didn't let their subordinates make any decisions. Even the people under the imprisoned sages' command were too reliant on their sage's leadership. So when their sage was imprisoned, they followed Azar's commands blindly, falling victim to the traitor's control freak tendencies.

Which is why now that Azar and his goons are gone, no one knows what to do or who to report to anymore. And since the imprisoned sages are now bedridden in Bimarstan, everyone turns to him.

Everyone is asking him for instructions he knows he's not qualified to give. Everyone is asking him how to do things that he knows he does not know how to do. Everyone is talking to him all the time. He doesn't get a second of peace.

He needs to establish a new chain of command. One that won't break so easily in the future. He needs to set up the selection process for the new sages and the new grand sage. But he can't do all those things when he's currently being swarmed in other matters that should be done by someone else.

Seriously. Fuck those traitors, and fuck Azar's stiff-ass chair in particular.

Al Haitham is so damn tired. Yes, he keeps to office hours- but only so he can get a moment of solitude while he rushes back home to continue pouring over work- something he has NEVER had to do as a scribe. He's working around the clock, desperately trying to get everything in order before the next day.

But every time he drags himself back into the office the following morning, it's an unthinkable new mess. Instructions he had given the day before are lost. People quit or threaten to. He'll spend the entire day trying to resolve it. Then he'll rush home, finish leftover work, and try to predict and pre-solve tomorrow's mess.

It's a vicious cycle that'll kill him eventually. Every day is a test of how much pressure and steps he can take without stumbling. He barely has any time to himself. Everyone is demanding things from him that he can't deliver. The stress is getting to him. The lack of sleep is getting to him. Everything is getting to him.

He's starting every day in fear that he'll slip up. Not that he can let it show. He's supposed to be the nation's beacon of light in these trying times. He's supposed to lead the way. If he slips up now, Sumeru will fall into a state of disarray and may not be able to recover for generations to come. Lives will be upturned. Chaos will ensue. Which will mean more work for him, more stress and more sleepless nights.

The weight of a nation is on his shoulders, and he can't share it with anyone.

He's exhausted. He's scared. He's not religious, but he's begging the archons for assistance. That's how desperate he is.

He's just one guy. He can't do this all on his own.

But not even Lesser Lord Kusanali can help him. No one can.

Or so he thought.

Join the Taglist!

[fireofjudgement]

Marking the territory

Requested here

Fandom: Alice in Borderland

Pairing: Niragi x gn!reader

Summary: Being a militant at the Beach might sound exciting to some, but to you it's mostly doing Hatter's dirty work, late night patrols and worst of all - boring meetings. This particular one started off just like the others but thanks to a new member it would quickly go downhill.

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: swearing, established relationship between reader and Niragi, mentions of alcohol, nudity, teasing, public sex, exhibitionism, oral sex, jealousy, requested reader was feminine I think but i didn't mention any genitals or specific pronouns so I tagged it as gn reader - please let me know if I missed a part that would suggest otherwise

A/N: Yes, I turned a simple request into a rant about Niragi's exhibitionist kink, what are you gonna do about it. And yes, this is the first thing I'm posting after like six months, you're welcome 😌

--

"And why exactly did I just waste a fucking hour listening to some..newbie's life story?"

You relaxed your face, careful not to show your amusement at Niragi's words. You lived at the Beach long enough to understand that the militants and executives were basically Hatter's chosen family - their so-called duties weren't always taken too seriously. He did like to play pretend however and look professional, in front of newcomers at least. Something something elite organization, something something only the best players. Usually you'd all play along, but clearly someone had other plans today.

"Hmm..Let's see." Of course Hatter had to pretend to take Niragi's question seriously. You've yet to see him break character in front of a new member. "Considering the fact that it's only ten in the morning, on a Monday no less, and yet Aguni had to drag you, in his own words, out of the bar and threaten to take your beloved weapon away, just for you to put a shirt on- I simply assumed you didn't have anything better to do anyway. Please forgive me if I was wrong."

"You are indeed wrong, Hatter." It was almost impressive how the obvious irony in the older man's voice seemingly escaped Niragi's attention completely. You had a theory as to what was occupying his mind at the moment though, and his next words only confirmed it. "I could think of someone..I mean something I'd rather be doing right now. Preferably shirtless." He said the last part looking directly at you, a smirk on his handsome face. 

You were trying your best to control yourself, unwilling to entertain your boyfriend in front of a stranger, but it was getting hard with the way he was looking at you. You knew he'd take you right then and there if he could, on that very table you were sitting at. It wouldn't be the first time either. Suddenly your brain was flooded with images from the past, in-between or after meetings, when it was just the two of you. Niragi wasn't a patient man, that much you were able to figure out before you even talked to him for the first time. Seeing him lose his temper at even the slightest mistake of another member was a common occurrence. He liked to get straight to the point and his impulsiveness transferred into every aspect of his life. Sex was no exception to that rule.

Unless there was even the slightest possibility of having an audience. It wasn't until some random, probably drunk and/or high, person stumbled into your room while your boyfriend was going down on you, that you realized he might have a thing for being watched. It was as if a switch was flipped inside his mind that day. Ever since then the meeting room became his favorite place- he could spend hours exploring your body, his hands and lips marking every inch of it, bringing you as close to release as possible, only to withdraw completely over and over again.

You could only guess how many of your friends have seen you all fucked out, a shaking and drooling mess, all while he didn't lose a single piece of clothing. He'd never share you and you felt bad for all those poor idiots who attempted to flirt with you only to never be seen again, but he loved nothing more than to show you off, make everyone see that you're his and nobody else can have you. Damned be the person who figured out how to charge the phones given to players during each game.

"And what about you, Y/N?" The sound of your name snapped you out of your thoughts, the looks on the other executives' faces clearly suggesting they all knew what you were fantasizing about. At that moment you wished you paid enough attention to answer Hatter's question. You shot him a begging look, hoping he'd have mercy on you this time. "What do you want to say to our newest member?" He granted your wish, but not without a loud, exaggerated sigh. 

Oh, so that's what it was about. Thinking about it now, you had a lot to say to her. Starting with the fact that you noticed how she looked at your boyfriend ever since she entered the room. That everyone else noticed too. How ridiculous she looked trying to catch his attention and how annoying and unnatural her voice sounded the entire time. And most importantly, that it would be better if she stopped embarrassing herself - Niragi didn't look her way even once, you knew for sure he would forget there was a new member introduced that day as soon as everyone leaves the room. Your relationship was far from perfect but jealousy was not something you ever had to worry about. The thought of having him all to yourself later filled you with excitement but for now you had to stay focused. 

"Welcome to the family!" You exclaimed instead of voicing your thoughts, in a sickeningly sweet tone, with the fakest smile you could muster glued to your face. "It's always a pleasure to meet people with such a..positive attitude." Your last sentence caused some barely contained laughter among the other executives. Even Aguni looked a little less intimidating than usual. It was hard not to notice the newbie's poor attempts at flirting, the only oblivious one remaining was ironically enough the very target of these attempts. Or at least that's what you thought. 

Hesitantly, you got up from your seat to properly greet the girl, as you did with every new member. It was awkward to say the least, forcing yourself to be so friendly with someone who probably hated everything about you. Maybe except your significant other. Luckily, judging by the amount of cards she presented to Hatter upon joining, you didn't think she'd last long at the Beach. 

Finally, after the longest and most uncomfortable hug and hand shake of your life, you made your way back to your seat. A loud gasp escaped your lips when suddenly you felt someone's hands firmly grabbing your waist, pulling you into their lap. It was unexpected and it caught you off guard, but you soon recognized your boyfriend and calmed down a little. It was quite unusual for him to act that way. You started to think that maybe he wanted to tell you something without the others noticing, but no, he wasn't even facing you. You followed his gaze and..oh. You couldn't hold that smile in anymore, not when the new girl was staring at the two of you with such pure disgust written all over her face. It definitely didn't suit her, you had to admit. But it wasn't exactly your fault that you and Niragi made for one hot couple.

That's when it finally occurred to you however, that he did, in fact, notice her advances. He just waited for a perfect moment to shut them down, and since he couldn't just fuck you right then and there in front of everyone..he settled for the next best thing. It would be an understatement to say that him acting so possessive, though in such a subtle way, made you incredibly horny. Now that you were so close you could tell he was excited too. And judging by how fast the girl stormed out of the room after the meeting was done, she must have received the message, loud and clear. When all of the other members left the room, you knew Niragi would show you that he only wanted you. You also knew that Hatter and Aguni would not let this go for a very long time, but you'd deal with that later. Much, much later.

[queenshelby]

The Fourth Season (Part 13)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap (20 Years), Fluff, Angst, SMUT

Words: 6,178

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE! PRETTY PLEASE…

The following morning, you made you way to Dublin by train. The journey took about three and half hours and it was your best friend Emma who picked you up from the station.

You only had a small bag with you which you carried around town before the both of you made your way too Emma’s cousin’s house.

Emma’s cousin was currently in France and Emma was housesitting for her and, despite the fact that she was somewhat disappointed that you wouldn’t be spending the weekend with her, she was happy for you, knowing that you were staying at Cillian’s house for two nights.

It was the first time you were visiting him in his home and you had told Emma what you were planning to do tonight, for which she cautioned you not to get overly excited.

“The first time usually sucks. Trust me” was what she said and she was not the first one from whom you had heard horror stories about having sex for the very first time.

“I figure it would hurt, but surely it can’t be that bad” you told her, causing Emma to shake her head.

“It hurts, but the pain isn’t the problem. The problem is that it is all going to be very new for you both and every couple needs some time to explore each other before sex becomes enjoyable” Emma then said but you still believed that, perhaps, you were simply lucky as, with Cillian, you felt as though you were on a constant high. He was incredible in bed for what you could tell and he certainly looked after your needs.

“Well, I very much enjoyed everything we did so far. That’s why I want to take this next step” you told her, blushing, but you did not have to explain yourself any further than this.

“Hmm, then maybe your first time won’t be as bad as mine. Just relax. Have some wine and, most importantly, tell him how you feel. If you are nervous about it then he needs to know. He will understand and, if he doesn’t, then he isn’t worth it” Emma told you before looking through her cousin’s wardrobe.

“What are you doing?” you asked while watching her pull out some black dresses for you as well as a pair of high heels.

“Finding you something to wear tonight. Something sexy” Emma responded but you shook your head. You wanted to wear what you normally wore, a pair of jeans and a shirt. But then, you reconsidered your choice, seeing that you had already spent an absorbent amount of money on lingerie for tonight so your clothes should at least match.

“Okay, I will wear a dress, but no heels” you thus told your best friend who was quick to find one for you. It was a black dress which easily wrapped around your body. It was simple but chic and covered your lingerie nicely.

Unlike most days, you also applied some light make up and straightened your hair and, when at around five o‘clock Cillian texted you that he was making dinner and confirming your arrival for six, you smiled.

“He’s cooking” you told Emma who handed you a glass of wine in order to calm your nerves.

“Fuck, I should get myself a man his age. No one ever cooked for me before and I am starting to get rather jealous. Does he have any single friends you could introduce to me? Some who don’t act, perhaps?” she wanted to know before offering to drive you to Cillian’s house which, conveniently, was only ten minutes away.

Since it was raining, you accepted her offer and, at around twenty to six, you left Emma’s cousin’s house.

About ten minutes later, she pulled up in front of a large terrace building which was very well maintained. It was light grey with a blue door and large hedges at the front, preventing a direct view into the garden.

“Are you sure that this is it?” you asked surprised, seeing that the house Cillian lived in was much bigger than you had expected. You grew up in a small three-bedroom bungalow in the south of Cork and this place had at least twice as many bedrooms, probably several bathrooms too and, by what you could tell, at least one fireplace.

“It sure is” Emma confirmed while checking her satnav. “Now get out before I get pulled over in my rusty all old car. This area is too fucking fancy for me” she then went on to say as a joke, causing you to roll your eyes before jumping out into the rain.

“Thank you so much ” you told her as you popped open your umbrella and she blew you a kiss.

“Any time my love! Have fun!” she then said and, with that, you walked off through Cillian’s front yard before, finally, ringing the doorbell.

***

After ringing the door, you waited for a minute or two before, finally, Cillian opened it and smiled.

“You are early” he observed while, at the same time, he pulled you inside eagerly. His eyes went directly over your body and, whilst the dress you wore was modest, it defined your body well. It was sexy and yet elegant.

“I missed you” Cillian then said as, until now, you had not even spoken a word. Your nervousness was evident and, only after a minute had passed, you began to say something through a stammering voice while, at the same time, dropping your bag at the door.

“I missed you too. More than you could imagine” you smiled while, for some unknown reason, Cillian continued to stare at you in an unusual way. It was almost like he was surprised by your appearance and, perhaps, he didn’t expect you to dress up for the occasion.  

‘What’s wrong?’ you eventually asked as he finally shut the door behind him and starred at you some more.

‘I am just admiring the view. You look absolutely stunning in this dress’ Cillian said before, finally, giving you a passionate kiss and taking you into his embrace gently.

Cillian’s sudden affection startled you even though you had been waiting for his lips to claim yours for two minutes already. As usual, his lips tasted sweet and felt like soft velvet against your own. He kissed you well and you gave into the kiss with ease. It was familiar and, if it wasn’t for the scent of freshly cooked pasta coming from his kitchen, you would have stood there and explored each other’s lips and tongues for a while.

‘Would you like some wine while you wait for me to finish cooking?” Cillian then asked after your lips drifted apart after what felt like an eternity.

“Yes please. I would love some wine” you said with a smile while Cillian took your hand and guided you towards the kitchen which, just like the rest of the house, looked immaculate.

It was a large Hampton style kitchen and even featured a Kitchen Aid, making you wonder whether he could bake as well.

Across from the kitchen was the dining room and across from the dining room you could get a glimpse of his living room as well, featuring a mixture of modern and retro style furniture.

“Red or white?” Cillian then asked and, just as you were mesmerised by your surroundings, you simply said “whatever you are having” to make it easier for him.

“Okay. Red it is then” he smiled while watching you contently before, finally, opening a bottle of Bordeaux and pouring each of you a glass from it.

The food he cooked smelled amazing and he even went through the trouble of lightening some candles for you. In the background there was some Jazz music playing and while Cillian finished plating up, you wandered through the dining room, looking at photographs of his children.

“Dinner is ready” you heard eventually but you did not react, causing Cillian to approach you from behind, placing a hand onto your hip gently. You were lost within your very own thoughts and Cillian quickly picked up on the fact that you were not yourself tonight. You were much quieter than usual and this worried him.

“Is everything alright?” he thus asked before planting a kiss onto your bare shoulder.

“Yes. I am fine. I am just nervous” you admitted, causing Cillian to run his soft hands over your arms.

“If this is about us sleeping with each other, then I can assure you that I am in no rush. We can wait for as long as you want” Cillian told you before making you turn around so that you would look at him.

“I want to. I told you that I do” you stammered while seeking out his deep blue eyes which, as usual, were nothing but reassuring and loving.

“I know what you told me, but it doesn’t matter. If you changed your mind then I am okay with it. I can wait. I love you and there is no pressure…” he then said and you nodded shyly.

“I know. But I want to do this. With you. It feels right” you then said after having built up some more courage.

“Show me to your bedroom” you then demanded suddenly and Cillian immediately began furrowing his eyebrows.

“Right now?” he chuckled. “What about dinner?” he then wanted to know while caressing your face gently.

“Can we eat after?” you asked nervously in response. “I don’t think I can eat before we…” you went on to say, but were interrupted quickly.

“We can eat whenever you want” Cillian told you before planting another kiss onto your lips.

“Good, then let me show you what I bought for you” you then said and, whilst you tried hard to come across seductively, you failed miserably.

“I am intrigued…care to show me?” Cillian said nonetheless and, before he could say anything else, you unwrapped your black dress and let it drop to the floor, thereby revealing your black lace lingerie to him.

“Holy Jesus…” then fell from his lips inadvertently, causing you to laugh. His reaction was unexpected but certainly encouraging.

“Do you like it?” you asked as you had never worn anything like this for a man before and, whilst you tried hard to look like a tease again, the expression on your face simply highlighted your shyness and nervousness in this moment.

“Was that a rhetorical question?” Cillian stammered in response before telling you that he has never seen anything sexier than you right now before.

He wanted you desperately. Touch you and feel you, every inch of your body and, with this in mind, he leaned towards you once more and pressed his lips onto yours for a passionate kiss.

As he kissed you, he brought you against his hard body, his erection trapped between you, and not having looked, but being able to feel it, you gasped.

‘Oh god, that didn’t take you long at all, You are so hard already’ you smirked as you ran your hand over his hard member, still covered by the denim of jeans.

‘I am always for you, because you are incredibly sexy’ Cillian whispered before he pressed his lips back onto yours in a haste while, at the same time, finally, guiding you upstairs towards his bedroom.

***

After less than a minute, you reached Cillian’s bedroom which, usurpingly, featured a very large bed in the middle of it. The interior of the room was simple but chic. It was nicely designed and the white sheets on the very large bed looked appealing and comfortable.

Looking at it nervously, you followed Cillian until you stood right in front of it. The piece of furniture on which you would finally loose your virginity that night. It was intense and nerves quickly got the better of you, which was something Cillian noticed when you began to shiver a little too visibly.

“We don’t have to…” Cillian thus said again but you quickly silenced him with your lips.

“I want to” you told him once more and, with that, Cillian picked you up, lifted your feet of the floor and carried you around, to the side of his bed.

You smiled at him tenderly, nuzzling his chin as you crossed the soft rug in front of his bed before he laid you down on the soft cotton sheets.

As he laid you down, he was exceedingly careful with you in doing so and it was the care he took with you always that made you feel sure about your decision to take this next step with him.

“You are beautiful” he then told you while watching you lie there, on the sheets, waiting for him while he undressed himself all the way down to his black coloured Calvin Klein briefs.

While he undressed, he looked at you like you were the only woman in the world and this, in itself, was heady and made you tremble a bit as you scooted into the centre of the mattress. Your cheeks betrayed your feelings, turning pink while you watched him climb right next to you and, just as he did, you felt his hands trace your jawline. His thumb gently rubbed your throat back and forth and then he leaned in for yet another passionate kiss.

As his lips explored your mouth, his hands travelled over your body. Everywhere they touched, he left behind goosebumps and chills, even though your skin felt it was on fire.

Eventually, Cillian moved his lips to your neck teasing you with new sensations, and you moaned. Then you felt his hand slide from your shoulder to your breast and this was a sensation you loved. He squeezed your flesh and a gasp escaped your mouth. You instinctively arched your back and pressed your mound into Cillian’s hand.

“Patience babe. We have all night” he reminded you and you felt him smile against your neck before he peppered you with more feather-soft kisses.

“Please Cillian. I just want you so much. This is all I have been thinking about for the past week” you told him in response, gaining more confidence, as you felt like he was taking it too slow and you tried to persuade him to pick up the pace by grinding your pelvis against his.

In response, Cillian chuckled into your ear. It was deep, soothing, and it set your blood on fire.

“That’s good, but we should still take it slow. This is going to be your first time and I don’t want to rush it. I want you to enjoy it” Cillian said before nuzzling on your neck again, causing you to giggle and moan all at the same time, while you pushed your core against his thigh once more for friction.

“Okay, then don’t rush it, but at least touch me. Please, I am begging you” you demanded, causing Cillian to groan lightly from the friction and building tension between you.

“You are so needy you know that?” Cillian teased and the sense of authority in his voice sent chills down your spine and caused a tingling sensation between your legs.

“Yes. I am needy for your touch, your lips, your cock, everything. Please. Just…please…” you begged, not knowing what you were begging for as the fear and doubt about what was going to happen between you tonight flew away like a dove released from its cage. You trusted him, more than you trusted anyone else before and you wanted him. All of him.

“Okay okay” Cillian chuckled before, soon enough, his hands travelled over your body, stopping to explore every inch of your skin. You were captivated by his touch. His fingers felt like a piece of heaven, warm, calming, and protective and he certainly took his time with you, kissing and touching you like this for ten minutes before making his next move.

"I think it is time for you to take this off now" Cillian then whispered in to your ear and all you were able to do by this point was to stammer out a quick “hmm” before Cillian helped you into a kneeling position on his bed, and then took possession of your lips again. His fingertips glided over your shoulders, your back, and your waist. He did this several times before he grabbed your ass and pulled you into a crushing hug. His embrace was warm. His strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around your delicate body. The world around you melted away as you squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end. His cock was pressed into your stomach and you rubbed up against it as you shifted your weight. You did this on purpose and a deep moan echoed through the room in response to your actions. Cillian’s cock twitched and patted against your stomach, causing you to smile and moan yourself.

"You can’t help yourself, can you?” Cillian said in response to which you shook your head.

“No, I can’t. I want you Cillian” you told him before, with one hand, he unhooked your bra and threw it off to the side leaving you bare before his eyes, except for your lace thong.

“Please” you gasped in response and Cillian’s gaze drifted over your body, slowly, with purpose, like he was trying to memorize every detail of your skin again.

“I love you” he told you once more and a slow blush inched its way across your face.

“I love you too” you told him as you brought your hands up to Cillian’s chest which is also when your hands began to tremble and your breathing came in short shallow gasps. Your vision began to blur as panic set in.

You were going to lose your virginity tonight and, as your brain was beginning to overload, you felt Cillian’s lips graze yours once more.

Then, his next words sounded so patient and loving, making you forget all about your worries once more. “We don’t have to go all the way tonight. I am happy to wait, you know that, right?” he told you once more, realising how nervous you were still, watching you tremble, and you nodded your head.

“I know. But I want to. I want to sleep with you” you said to Cillian before you reached up and ran your hands through the patch of hair he featured across his chest.

“Alright, but I need you to know that, if you change your mind, you can tell me, okay?” Cillian said and you nodded your head nervously again as your heart rate continued to accelerate.

The blood pounding in your ears was so loud, that you couldn't believe Cillian didn't hear it. Your body was hot. It felt like you had developed a fever. You struggled to breathe. Your lungs felt cramped and devoid of oxygen. Looking into his eyes made the experience more intense and, as you worked your hands over his body, the more substantive the situation became.

“God I love your freckles. They are everywhere” you then said after you had calmed your nerves a little more.

“I am not even going to comment on that” Cillian chuckled in response to your comment about his freckles, but you ignored his words now as all your thoughts stopped and your hormones took over. His scent teased your senses and your fingers itched to drag your nails across his skin. Looking up into his face, you saw the spark of heated passion, burst into flames.

“I want you. Please” you said again as you placed your palms on Cillian’s shoulders, pressing your fingers into his flesh. You smiled as you heard a low hum sound resonating from his throat.

“And I want you too babe, but you need to be patient” Cillian groaned as you ran your hands up his arms, across his chest, and down his stomach. You loved the way his muscles rippled under your fingers. His freckled pale skin was warm and smooth as it conformed to his firm body.

Possessed by need and desire, you leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. Your lips tingled at the contact. You felt his body shudder in response. His head fell back and a moan passed through his lips. You began to kiss him everywhere you could touch and he did the same with you. The more he reacted, the more powerful you felt. You enjoyed this new feeling, this high, that was developing as you listened to his sighs, moans, and the change in breathing. Electric tingles danced through your system as his muscles flexed under your touch. You needed more of this drug, you needed more of him.

Eventually, you kissed his nipple, causing Cillian to curse.

“Fuck, that feels nice” he said before wrapping his hands around your waist and then all patience went out of the window.

Cillian crushed his lips against yours and pulled you closer to him. Passion exploded around you enhancing your senses. Everything seemed more enhanced: His skin hotter, his taste sweeter, his breathing louder, and his smell stronger. Your nails scratched at his back, causing him to suck in air. He left your mouth and kissed the side of your neck. Oh god, that felt so good. Warmth spread over your body prickling your skin and an aching pulse began to develop between your legs.

Cillian pulled back and stepped off the bed. Your head was too fuzzy to comprehend what he was doing. You whined and reached for him. He just smiled and pushed down his briefs, letting them fall to the floor.

Whilst you had seen him naked before, you could not get over how breathtaking, strong and lean he was. His cock was fully erect, standing to attention, and when Cillian started to crawl back onto the bed, you felt your nerves slowly beginning to build back up.

Noticing the change in emotions, Cillian said "it’s okay, we can stop at any time" before he started to kiss you once more. Soon, you started to relax and you deepened the kiss.

Cillian grabbed one of your breasts and gently squeezed it. Your head fell back as you sighed out loud. He rolled your mound between his talented fingers as he peppered your neck and shoulders with more soft kisses.

You felt his free hand slide down your back. He slowly started squeezing your ass cheeks. Using his thumb, he pressed down and rubbed it in a circular motion, massaging your muscles within. Without thinking, you grabbed his cock slightly squeezed it as your hand glided up and down his shaft. His whole body went still as he released a groan. His head landed on your shoulder and he was taking long deep breaths.

“Fuck, I love when you touch me like this” he said and you continued to glide your hand up and down his shaft. It was hard, long, and hot to the touch, but it was also soft and smooth. Just perfect.

You continued to play with him for several minutes, switching speeds, applying different pressures to your squeezes, changing the positions of your hand. You were so enthralled in what you were doing to Cillian, that you hadn't noticed that he had removed your panties.

But then, suddenly, a violent current of electricity shot through your body as Cillian started to rub your clit.

“Oh god, fuck” you shouted out grabbing his shoulders to maintain your balance. Your senses were overloaded already even though he had done this to you before on a few occasions.

You were hot, your muscles tense, and you felt like your blood had developed a zing. The aching pulse between your legs now felt like a rapid beating of a drum. It was causing your heart to race and your lungs to malfunction. Cillian kissed your temple and continued stroking. Your mind went blank, you could not think, you could not concentrate. You could only feel the pleasure that came in sharp sudden waves. You started to whimper and your body began to shake, you closed your eyes and just leaned on Cillian. Then you felt Cillian insert a finger into your pussy, this time deeper than ever before, and you could not find the words to describe how good it felt, except that it eased your aching need just a little.

"Fuck" Cillian groaned, his eyes closing. "You are so wet and tight" he breathed. Opening his eyes, he captured your mouth, kissing you as he eased a second finger inside. His kisses were different now, more demanding, and urgent, leaving you desperate for more. You felt his fingers pull out and then plunge back into you.

He began to finger you over and over again and you moaned against his lips as you felt a pressure building inside of you. As usual, you didn't understand the sensitivity he was creating as he ran his thumb over your clit and drove his fingers deep within you. It was just something that drove you wild, so you dug your nails into the skin of his shoulders in an attempt to ease the pressure forming in your stomach.

Unfortunately though, just like the last time he teased you, nothing seemed to work. You pulled back from his lips and tried to breathe. The way he watched your face gripped at your heart and made everything seem more profound.

"Cum for me babe" he whispered staring into your eyes. Those words combined with the look he gave you were so powerful that the pressure inside you exploded. You screamed out as wave after wave of pleasure came crashing forth. Your vision began to blur and a rushing sound filled your ears. Your body started to jerk in time with the waves of pleasure that now spread through your body.

Cillian groaned as your pussy strongly gripped his fingers. He continued to finger fuck you until your body began to calm down. Your orgasm was so strong that it took everything out of you and you slumped against Cillian, unable to kneel with him on the bed.

Cillian pulled his fingers out of you and you were surprised at how empty you felt. You wanted to feel him inside of you now. You needed all of him and, thus, you began to beg.

“I am ready. Please. I want your cock inside of me” you whimpered, needing to feel more of him. The thought of him penetrating you with his cock drove you crazy now and, finally, he gave into your demands.

“Okay, but like I said, if you want me to stop, just to tell me” Cillian said as he climbed in between your legs and reached for his bedside table draw which was where he kept the packet of condoms he bought a few days ago when you texted him that you wanted to have sex with him.

“What are you doing?” you asked and, before you could even finish your question, Cillian answered with a smile having formed across his face. You were so innocent and shy that he had to simply adore your ignorance when it came to sex.

“Getting a condom” he said, chuckling slightly, causing you to blush. Of course, condoms. You should have known that, you thought but little did he knew that you, too, came prepared.  

“No, it’s fine. I started the pill a few days ago. We won’t need them” you then told him while looking at the packet of condoms in his hand. “I want feel you. Feel your skin. Your warmth. Your cum inside of me. Everything’ you then demanded through a stammering non-coherent voice and Cillian brushed some hair from your face and looked down at you with the tenderest expression you had ever seen.

“I must say that the thought alone of cumming inside of you is a huge turn on for me” he said before kissing you again and positioning himself at your entrance.

“For me too” you gasped while looking in between your bodies. You could feel the tip of his cock against your core. His skin felt as hot as yours and you moaned in response to the sensation alone.

“I am ready. Please” you then told him once more and Cillian nodded gently.

"Okay babe. I will be as gentle as I can but it might hurt” Cillian then told you as he slid his thumb over your cheek in a loving manner.

“I know. Just go slow, okay?” you told him while holding onto his shoulders.

“Okay” he reassured you before his lips touched yours in the sweetest kiss again while he began to push himself inside of you slowly.

“Oh god, it’s not going to fit” you then gasped against his lips. The intrusion felt intense and, feeling him stretch you as, slowly, he penetrated you in the most sensual way, was both arousing and painful for you.

“Do you want me to stop?” Cillian then asked as he observed the expression on your face. You were clearly in pain but you shook your head nonetheless, knowing that the worst was still to come. He had yet to break through your barrier and clung onto his shoulders in desperation to get it over and done with.

“No, don’t stop. Keep going. Please. Just do it” you demanded.

You closed your eyes in that moment and Cillian grabbed your right hand and entertained our fingers. Deepening your kiss, he tightened his hold on your body with his other arm and then pushed in more quickly this time, finally breaking through your hymen and entering you fully.

A sharp burning pain raced through your nerve endings tensing up your body. A small sob escaped your throat and tears filled your eyes in the aftershock.

"Just breathe and relax babe. The pain will fade" Cillian said nuzzling your neck in an attempt to distract you and you had to admit that you were immensely grateful that Cillian was so gentle and patient. You knew that, with James, it would not have been this way and knowing that made you feel safe.

“I won’t move until you tell me to. We can stay here all night like this until it feels good, alright?” Cillian then whispered, seeing how heavy your breathing had become and, with those words of reassurance, you finally opened your eyes and laid there, still, until that sharp pain faded to a dull ache.

“I love you” you told him once more, caressing his face as, eventually, you were left with a feeling of being full and stretched. It was a little uncomfortable, so you shifted your hips around trying to find a more comfortable position and, when you finally settled down, Cillian smiled.

“I love you too babe” he said before he slowly pulled out of you and then slowly pushed back in.

“Better now?” Cillian asked and a loud moan was all that left your lips in the first instance.

“Yes! Fuck! Do that again!” you then demanded and, after a quiet little chuckle and a somewhat deep groan, Cillian slid out and back in again and your heart started racing.

“Oh god. Yes. Again. More” you moaned almost instantly as shivers cascaded through your body and, after a few more thrusts, Cillian began to speed up just a little.

“Fuck, you are tight” he gasped and feeling him sliding in and out of you felt like he was always meant to be there, like a piece of yourself that had been lost until this moment.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” you asked in between moans while holding onto Cillian’s arms and shoulders, leaving visible marks everywhere.

“It is. I am just not used to it. Not like this” Cillian cursed before groaning again and then kissing your neck once more.

“Well you have to get used to it…” you told him before your mind turned fussy again. “Oh my fucking god…’ you then moaned, lost in a trance as you reached behind him and grabbed his ass, pulling him in even deeper.

Your fingers danced over his cheeks, massaging them, squeezing them, encouraging him to go faster, go deeper. He was creating another rush, a high more intense than you experienced earlier. You wrapped your legs around his waist trying to pull yourself up to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck your cock feels so good. I feel so fucking full. This feeling of you being inside of me is insane. Oh god…” you moaned as tingles jolted everywhere our body touched or connected.

“You feel incredible babe. So wet and tight” Cillian groaned as you scratched at his back, bit his shoulder, and pulled at his hair.

"Cillian, please, more" you begged. He grunted at the sound of his name and then lifted your hips and drove into you deeper.

He was going so deep; it felt like he was pounding your cervix. It was a bittersweet feeling that radiated both pain and pleasure. Your moans became louder and higher pitched as he rocked your body. His grunts became deeper and wilder. The sound of pleasure that tore from his body, reached your core. You wanted to please him more than ever before. The pressure started to build in your stomach again and you called out Cillian's name over and over again. You were close, so very close. You took Cillian's face in your hands, and you whispered "I am close. I want you to cum inside me. I want to feel it. I want to feel your cum inside of me. Please. Let us cum together"

"Fuck," he yelled before increasing his speed again. Hearing those words coming from your lips were incredible and Cillian was now pounding into you harder. You began bouncing on the bed uncontrollably so you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on for the ride. His thrusts were becoming irregular and unfocused. You knew that he was close and, as you felt your pressure preparing to explode, you captured Cillian's mouth and pressed against his lips as your very own orgasm pulsed through you for the second time that night. Your screams and his grunts were swallowed up by your kiss. You felt his cock swell inside of you as he came in sync with you and you could most certainly feel it. His warm cum was flooding your stomach, like a torrent, filling you to the hilt and it was incredible. The best feeling in the world, being one with the man you love, in the most intimate way.

“Oh god” you gasped eventually, feeling the warmth and stickiness surrounding you both and, as your bodies began to calm down, Cillian and you stared at each other as you tried to catch your breath.

There was no need for words as everything you felt was enough. With much regret, he pulled out and moved to lie down at your side. Facing you, he pulled your body closer to him. You laid your head on that soft spot connecting his chest and shoulder. You draped your left arm over his stomach and tossed your left leg over his thigh. The fingers of his right hand entertained with your fingers that lay on his stomach. His left arm wrapped around your shoulders as his fingers played with your hair. You felt empty and sore, but also incredibly satisfied.

“If I knew that sex with you would feel so fucking good, I wouldn’t have waited so long to try it" you then giggled, causing Cillian to laugh.

“It was worth the wait though, wasn’t it?” Cillian then said before kissed your forehead and you looked up at him and smiled.

"Yeah, it was" you sighed before looking down on yourself and realising that you just ruined Cillian’s perfectly white sheets.

His eyebrows scrunched together, "What's wrong?" he asked sounding worried.

“I ruined your sheets” you told him, seeing a small red stain where you had been laying.

“They’ll be grand after a wash” Cillian chuckled before he kissed your lips softly and you smiled.

“Well, don’t wash them yet. The night is still young and I most certainly want to do this again after dinner… If you can…” you smiled and, this time around, you looked like a minx.

“You know I can. In fact, I can fuck you all night long if you want me to” Cillian teased before asking you whether you are not sore.

“I am sore, but I also want more” you teased until, suddenly, you heard the doorbell ring.

Tag List

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[random-doctor-on-the-internet]

Ok. So, well, @weirdly-specific-but-ok , I promised you a mafia story for helping my friend. You helped my friend, you'll get a story.

Sorry, I didn't read it again before posting so it's entirely my fault if there are English mistakes. Fuck la grammaire.

I have no idea about what to write so don't expect high quality. Not that you're used to a higher level. Anyways, buckle your seatbelt, open a red bull can (you'll need it), and get ready for

Pulls sunglasses out of nowhere because that is the only thing I can do at this point.

The Bagel Story

(please notice the effort put into the title. I'm too tired to put any effort elsewhere so you can stop here)

Ok, so it all begins in Ukraine (before the war). At the time, I'm kind of free (compared to later. Long story) and spend most of my days exploring the town where I live. It's a nice town. Lots of abandoned buildings. Tom Sawyer-ish vibes, if Tom Sawyer lived in a tough neighborhood from Detroit.

So, this time, I decided to take pictures of one hundred broken windows in a day (little me had weird occupations), and start wandering until it was, what, 4 pm? At some point, I bought bagels. They aren't useful on this story, they're just here for the title.

So I'm kinda lost in an empty street, and the smartest thing I think about is going into the abandoned buildings, hoping to find someone who will help me.

I don't, and spend like an hour looking for someone (who's not drunk/ high/ having more important business than helping a six year old). Noone. I try anyway. At some point, I hear people in a building. Desperate, I enter the building by the window and walk through a corridor, to arrive in a room with actual people. Well, I didn't see, since they were all wearing masks.

And this when shit gets complicated.

To give you a picture of the situation, I've just walked in a room full of masked people who were singing a song in a language I barely know (idk what it was, I assumed it was Ukrainian but don't remember enough to analyze it with my old brain). These people look at me like I was Jesus reincarnated. I look at them like they were all multiverse versions of Jesus wearing wedding dresses.

At this point, there are too many Jesuses in the story and God abandons us.

They point at me and start screaming in Ukrainian (this time, I'm sure it's Ukrainian. But I didn't speak any of it when the story happened so it just sounds like alien metal music for me). I..uh…I smile, yell “no hablo Espanol” with a Hungarian accent and run away. I don't know why.

I mean, I don't know why I yelled in Spanish. Running away was a perfectly calculated decision.

So I'm running. I don't even look to see if they kept singing in their lair, undisturbed, or if there are actually nine masked people in white robes running after me in the streets. I ran to save my life. It's night. I'm still running. I'm tired. I stop. And then, I hear a growl.

I look behind me. Nothing. I look left, then right, nothing. I start walking again, and bam! Sinistros jumpscare.

(For those who are wondering what happened, a giant dog randomly appears in front of me.)

I mobilize all my mental powers and start running. Again. The dog follows me. Did I tell you that I was tired?

Anyways, I run for my guts for the second time in an hour, wahoo. At some point, I throw the bagels at EvilPadfoot 2.0. That doesn't have any effect. I run. I look behind me to see if I have a chance of survival. And pathetically fall in the sewers (Google translate, not sure about the word. Stinky tubes.). At some point, the monster abandons and I miserably find my way home.

That was the last time I got to walk alone outside my house.

Here you go. Is that worth anything? I don't know. But I'm too tired to write another one. Thanks for at least reading it.

[just-someone-who-likes-to-write]

I just read "The Basement" by @dyns33 and I couldn't help but think of an Angst Ending.

Because of her close relationship with morpheusafter freeing him (Y/n) got access to explore The Dreaming and not living her dream as if it was a fleeting moment. She can explore any part of it, and everyone would greet her by name. Morpheus even gave her a chamber in his castle where she would drift off to wake up in the Waking world.

"This is so much, I can't accept it."

"You won't accept to take any reward I offer you, so please allow me also the pleasure of giving you something without requesting any favours in return."

And so it became a routine. She would fall asleep, wake up in her personal chamber, and go to venture in the dreaming. When he is not busy, morpheus would join her in (Y/n)'s little adventures, or he'd seek her advice if he was troubled with something or what mostly happened between them just set and talk for hours, just enjoying each other company.

One day, however, morpheus was attending some business with one of his siblings, so (Y/n) decided to spend her time with Lucienne in the library. They were sitting in silence because the librarian had some work to focus on, and (Y/n) was reading one of her favourite books from the waking world that morpheus made to provide her with.

"Is something wrong?" Asked Lucienne, noticing (Y/n) furrowed brows.

"Is this a new volume?" She asked. "I don't remember the author announcing a new one."

"What do you mean?" Lucienne asked, trying to hide her nervousness, which was not noticed.

"This author hadn't wrote in a very long time." (Y/n) explained. "I mean, the last time I read one of their books was.....it was....when was it?"

She failed to remember, but Lucienne quickly averted her attention to something else. But later, when she went back to the waking, she found one of the near bookshops suddenly advertising the new volume. She marked it as a coincidence. After all, most inspirations come from dreams, so maybe morpheus just got a "Seak peak".

Then, there was another incident when she was spending time with Caine and Abel. She was enjoying her time so much that she didn't notice the time until morpheus showed up.

"You're early, not that I'm not happy to see you." (Y/n) teased as she made her way to him.

"Early, this is his longest trip yet, how long a few- Ugh" Abel stopped talking as Cain elbowed him.

She stopped and looked at Abel confused.

"Late?..." She then looked around her as if she finally saw her surroundings for the first time. "How... How long have I been here?"

"Don't fret, Bright (Y/n)." He said as he placed a hand on her back and gently pushed her forward to walk with him. "It is normal to stay longer in the dreaming, "Over sleeping" I believe you call it."

"But Abel said-"

"Time goes differently here, my dear. You can stay a week, and it would be like a day in the waking."

(Y/n) was sceptical, but she believed him and walked back to the castle with him where he would use his sand to help her sleep. The next time she visits the dreaming, she is confused about why she can't see Cain and Abel anymore, let alone be alone with them, but morpheus made it up to her by spending more time with her. Even allowed her to join him as he created new dreams and nightmares for his world.

She was playing with one of the dreams she helped create one day, while morpheus was away.

"Why do you have to go?" Asked the dream. "Stay and play with me more."

"I can't, sweetheart. I have to wake up soon."

"Wake up?"

"Yes, after all, I'm only a dreamer here."

"But you sleep, you don't wake up."

"I guess to you, it looks like I'm sleeping, but that how morpheus wakes me up, instead of me just disappearing thin air."

"But you sleep." The dream repeated

"I mean, as I said, to you it looks like I'm sleeping but-"

"No, you just lay there and sleep. You don't disappear."

This made her heart drop as she asked the dream to explain. The dream told her how when she tucked in bed, morpheus would blow his dust on her to sleep, but she never leaves the dreaming or disappears as she thought. She just lays there sleeping until she wakes up again.

When morpheus returned to his castle, he was surprised to see Lucienne and Mervyn outside (Y/n)'s doors, trying to convince her to open up. With them was the little dream that he recognised was his and hers creation, the little one ran away afraid when her saw the Dream Lord, causing the librarian and the Scarecrow to realize his existence, fear and worry showing on thier faces.

"It's the little lady. She won't open the doors."

"And why is that?"

"We think that the dream must have... said something that upset her."

Morpheus could get nothing more of them as they kept looking at each other wearily. He knocked on the doors and announced his presence. There was a pause, but the doors opened slightly for him alone. When he entered, he was shocked to see (Y/n) in such a deep sadness and anger.

"Why are you in such a state, my light."

She said nothing as she looked at him, when his eyes met hers, he can see how she was doing her best to hold back tears, he wanted nothing more than to wipe those tears away but when he approached her she stepped away from him making him shocked at her sudden behaviour towards him. There was a long pause before she finally spoke.

"Do I leave the dreaming?"

(Y/n) asked, her voice shaking. She expected morpheus to lie or act dumb as what does she meant. But what he said confirmed her suspicions.

"What did the dream say?

She started crying at his question. He didn't even deny everything. Again, he tried to come to her and comfort her, but again, she moved away from him.

"My light -"

"No!" She cut him off. "Did I leave the dreaming?"

He said nothing.

"....I can't believe this."

"(Y/n), Please-"

"How long have I been here? How long did you force me to stay in here? Why did you do this? What about my life? My family? My friends? My body! What happened to my body?!"

"Please, Calm down."

"Take me back, take me back to my home."

"This is your home."

"Return me to the waking, now dream!"

"You can't go back."

"You have no right to keep me here, I can leave whenever I want."

"You cannot."

"I can and you will send me back! Now!"

"No!"

"And why not!"

"Because I cannot bear to lose you to my sister!"

Silent filled the room and (Y/n) was shocked at what she heard. Morpheus turned away refusing to meet her eyes as if of shame.

The truth is, (Y/n) had died a long time ago.

She grew old with time and despite refusing his offers of being an immortal like Hob Gadlin, morpheus still spent time with her in the waking and the dreaming wanting to cherish the time between them so when they depart it won't be painful. But as her time grew closer morpheus found it difficult to let go, so when she died during one of her travels to the dreaming morpheus decided to keep her, protecting her from his sister, who he is sure by this point allowed him to keep (Y/n) with him. He knew that his light did not notice that she was no more in the waking so he made sure that it will continue to be this way.

When it was time for her to "Wake up" dream would give her the illusion of her younger days, she would go to her old job, meet her old friends, and be with her family who were long gone, but in the end she would be back in the dreaming where she never actually lift.

Morpheus loves (Y/n), he knows this, bit because of his bad history with love he never told her the truth, allowing her to live her life as she desires. He knew she loved him too, but his fear was too great to assure her that he feelings were returned. So for decades he was her best friend, and after her time he became her protector.

((I don't know how to go from there, but that is what my brain got, first time writing about dream.))

[beauty-and-passion]

FSS3 Episode 12: All these years

A confrontation waited for years.

Updates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

What is FFS3 - Introduction - Season 2 finale - previous episode - next episode

AO3 link for this episode

DISCLAIMER: As said in the introductory post, Fanders Sides Season 3 (season 2 finale included) could have triggering themes/scenes. Please keep that in mind before reading.

_______________________________

Thomas sits on the couch: when he visited Virgil’s and Patton’s rooms, he focused on them and stuff related to them. Hopefully, it will be the same for Logan’s room.

So he takes a long breath and tries to focus: his own studies, his old documents, the box hidden in his closet, Logan’s face, his glasses, his tie.

Thomas opens his eyes again: he’s standing on some rocks. He looks around and recognizes the place: it’s the Cape Florida Lighthouse. He’s a bit confused: is this the right place?

But when he turns around and looks at the lighthouse he realizes that yes, this is the right place.

He enters the lighthouse, climbs the stairs. And when he reaches the room at the top, he finds Logan, standing in front of the window.

Logan is surprised to see Thomas: he asks why he is there and if he needs anything. Thomas says, in his most confident tone, that he’s here to talk to him.

They look at each other for a long time, in silence. Then, Logan shrugs and diverts his gaze. Talking to him, he says. And Thomas wants to do it now, after almost 10 years. It’s a bit too late to talk now, isn’t it? Thomas already sorted everything out in his life: his Creativity is leading, Thomas blindly follows every decision Roman makes and is happy with that. That’s exactly what he wanted, after all: to leave a stable job and waste his life pursuing unattainable fantasies.

Thomas replies that he remembers a Logan who wasn’t as harsh with Roman as he is now. A Logan who was more than happy to try new things, fantasize and spend hours in a garden, looking for new animals and plants.

Logan stiffens. That was the past, he says. Things changed.

When did that Side go?, Thomas asks instead. Logan was the first Side he ever met, the first one to talk to him. They grew up together, explored the world together, learned new things together. Where did that young, curious Side go?

That Side grew up, Logan says in a stern tone, and learned that the world isn’t just fun and games. The world demands knowledge, order, control. And so, Thomas should be clever, ready to face any problem, stable, self-sufficient.

So, Logan grew up, learned more, and guided Thomas, preparing him for the world. Since the first day of school, he helped him in his studies, built the confidence he needed, guided him into choosing the perfect, most stable career - the one closer to Thomas’ interests.

And every time Thomas’ resolution was wavering, every time he questioned himself, every time he lost sight of what he had to do, Logan was there, reminding Thomas about their goal: living his life the best possible way. Being ready for the world. Preparing for a perfect, stable future.

Logan turns around: why does Thomas think his room looks like a lighthouse? Because he looks further than the others. Unlike Roman who focuses on an impossible future made of equally impossible expectations, Logan looks at a much more real, much more attainable future. And from his elevated position, he can see every obstacle and every problem, before they hit them. He can plan ahead, and steer Thomas’ life to avoid them.

Logan looks back at Thomas. Can he finally realize it? Can he finally understand how much he needs Logan in his life? If he relies on Roman only, he will crash into a new problem every day. And who would get him out of them? Who could do that, besides Logan?

Look what happened today, he adds. I left you on your own and emotions easily overcame you, to the point you ended up insulting your grandparents. Isn’t that enough to prove how much you need me?

So you knew this would happen!, Thomas accuses him, and you let it happen!

It was to prove my point, Logan replies. And it proved it. You need me, more than anyone else.

I need all Sides, Thomas tries to say, but Logan stops him. When Thomas was younger, he always asked for Logan’s help. Not for Roman’s, not for Patton’s. His help. He needed Logan and Logan only. Logan was his guide, the one with the answers. Thomas didn’t need everyone: he needed him.

Logan's voice grows frustrated. But then, one day, Thomas had had enough of Logan’s irreplaceable help and threw away everything they built together. Years of careful planning, a perfectly stable, organized life… everything was forgotten, to pursue stupid fantasies.

Logan stops abruptly. He hides his face from Thomas, takes a few long breaths. Then, he talks again.

He was wrong about love, he says: it’s not about loneliness and frustration. It’s more like Janus said: it’s trying to keep something still on, day and night, because you believe in it. Because you know keeping it together it’s the right thing to do. But when you look around, everything already crumbled down and there’s nothing left, because the other person gave up before you. And you’re here, alone, keeping up something that doesn’t exist anymore.

Thomas’ expression and voice soften: “Oh, Logan…” he murmurs, approaching him.

Logan turns to him: his expression is full of sadness and a hint of fear.

Why did you toss everything on the side?, he asks. What did I do wrong?

Thomas immediately reassures him: oh no, Logan did nothing wrong, he was great! It's just that Thomas himself wasn’t fully satisfied with that life. He wanted to pursue his passions, as he told him in episode 4.

Then why did you never tell me back then?, Logan asks and his tone is much more accusatory now. Why did you make that decision without me? Did you even care, about all the time we spent planning your life together? For years?

Thomas explains that he thought about leaving his job for a very long time, mulling the idea over and over. There was never a sudden decision, but the idea has always been there. He never thought it was worth discussing it.

Logan’s anger grows. Not worth discussing!?

Thomas rephrases: that’s not what he meant, it's just that the idea was… everywhere. It was a constant thought. It became so natural to him, that he thought all of his Sides already knew it and everyone was okay with it.

Logan’s voice gets colder. He’s not “everyone”. He was the first Side involved. He was the one who built that life with Thomas. Thomas should’ve talked to him. But he didn’t. And he refused to do it for years.

“I didn’t think you needed it”…, Thomas tries to say, but it’s the wrong thing.

Logan’s eyes flash with fury: Thomas has such a low consideration of him, to not even think he should confront the most involved Side! The one who helped him for YEARS! The one who built that life he was tossing away! Well, since he’s so useless for Thomas, then why bother being there now? Why bother talking to him at all? He’s not worth Thomas’ attention, right? He doesn’t need explanations! His job is worthless! He is worthless!

Thomas tries to talk, but Logan speaks over him. Why doesn’t Thomas get rid of him, then? Why doesn’t he throw Logan away? What even is the point in pretending he cares, if he doesn’t?

Go on, Logan challenges him, throw me away and replace me with another Side. Try to find another Side who will humor you. Try to find someone with the same patience. Try to find someone who can give you all the help and support I gave you in years. And who is still supporting you like an idiot, even now that you ruined your life! OUR life! Even now that you embarrass yourself by playing the artist! Even now that you made ME an artist!

And on the last sentence, Logan’s voice goes from rage to frustration. Look what I’ve become!, he yells. Look who you turned me into! I should’ve been logical, I WAS logical. I was supposed to be like that. And then, you changed everything, you threw your life away and now I think and talk about rhymes and look at paintings for hours and waste my time analyzing compositions and watching theater pieces and it’s all your fault!

Thomas looks at him, at the desperate intensity of Logan’s voice. Realization strikes him and all he can do is murmur the truth that seeps behind Logan’s desperation: Logan loves art. He loves art as much as Thomas does.

Logan grows even more frustrated. He loves art? He hates art! And he hates himself for loving it! He’s Logic, not Creativity! He shouldn’t care about art, he shouldn’t care about it at all! That’s not necessary for Thomas’ life! That’s not part of the goal! That’s not what the world needs from him! It needs logic and so Logan developed his logical thinking! It needed organization, so Logan chose to be organized and rejected the wild, curious, useless parts of himself. And it was the right thing to do. It was what he was supposed to do! He became the perfect Side to help Thomas face the world! He became the perfect guide, the perfect helper, the perfect symbol of knowledge. There’s no time to be curious and play around in the garden, not when there are documents to fill in, work to do and a schedule to follow!

Logan is shaking now. He did everything he could to be efficient, but then, because of Thomas’ fault, he ended up wasting time with art. Because of Thomas’ fault, he learned to love art! He, who is the most logical Side! He, who is not influenced by emotions!

(While he says it his voice is FULL of emotions: it’s a mix of anger, frustration, fear, longing and sadness. It’s the voice of a man who is breaking down)

He shouldn’t have been curious, so he became logical. And what did Thomas do, then? Made him an artist! And Logan ended up loving a career he wasn’t supposed to love! How can he be useful now? How can he help Thomas, by being like this? How can he still be by Thomas’ side?

And while Logan finally confesses everything he kept inside for years, he starts crying.

He did all of this for Thomas, he says. He rejected parts of himself, he rejected his childhood, he rejected everything. And he did it because he didn’t want to be left behind. Because he didn’t want to be abandoned. Because he wanted Thomas to keep asking for him. Because he wanted to guide him, to stay by his side. Even if he wasn’t in the driver’s seat, he still was the one Thomas called for and he would’ve done anything to keep it like that.

And when Thomas left his old job, that was a warning: Logan wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t serious enough. He had to do more, be more useful, more logical, more serious, less childish, less creative. He had to work twice as hard or Thomas would’ve left him behind and he wouldn’t be useful anymore…

While Logan keeps talking and talking, Thomas gets closer again, opens his arms and finally pulls Logan in a tight hug.

The surprise catches Logan off guard and he abruptly stops talking, only to realize he’s crying and that Thomas is crying too.

Thomas uses that brief moment of silence to apologize: he’s sorry, he’s so so sorry Logan did all of this for him and, in turn, Thomas never showed his appreciation. He never wanted Logan to believe Thomas would’ve left him behind: he would never leave Logan behind. He will always need him by his side.

And it doesn’t matter if Logan is more or less logical, more or less childish, loves or hates art: Thomas will forever be proud of him. Logan is his first Side and he would never replace him with anyone else.

Logan doesn’t have to keep the world’s expectations all on his shoulders, not anymore. He won’t be alone ever again.

Logan melts into a new, liberating cry and hugs Thomas back, hiding his face against his chest, while Thomas sobs against him.

_______________________________

NO END CARD

_______________________________

AUTHOR’S NOTE

And there it is, Logan’s episode. Of course, this episode cannot be 40 minutes long: I imagined it to be more than one hour long.

Now you may ask: but why didn’t you divide it into part 1 and 2 as it was for all the other Sides?

At first, I thought about it. But considering how the episode is structured, I have no idea where I can divide it. This is a conversation and breaking it would break the flow and the tension. Also, it wasn’t fair - especially towards a Side well-known for being skipped or belittled. Logan deserves to have his breakdown and to have it as much as he wants for as long as he wants, without other Sides interrupting or any kind of break.

Speaking of the breakdown itself, it has been heavily influenced by Logan’s playlist. Not only because that playlist is perfect, but also because it offers such terrible, tragic reasons they deserved their spotlight. I mean, think of this man, who renounced parts of himself and of his childhood, just to help Thomas… only to see all of his work being thrown away without a word of explanation. Logan is truly the most tragic character.

Also, I chose to keep Logan and Thomas as the only characters for this episode, because Logan doesn’t need anyone else. The other Sides play no role in his frustration, nor in the reasons behind it: it has always been between him and Thomas. So, I let him talk to just Thomas.

I also hope the final hug gives you a bit of joy. Logan deserves a hug and some love. But hey, that doesn’t mean his character arc is over, on the contrary: now he accepted his appreciation for art and Thomas’ work. That means he’s also ready to take the step he never took before…

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

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[marshmallowprotection]

I love the idea of indoor dates with Saeyoung while things are still slowly getting better

Maybe watching some movies or documentaries while holding him and resting my chin on his shoulder

Then listening to him talk about anything he's passionate about for hours to get his mind off things for a even just a while

I want to spend time with him and listen to him and know more about what gets him going (maybe also have that as an excuse to admire his pretty face and melt on the inside seeing him happy and lively- asjksnjs)

That's a wonderful idea, Anon. You could let him turn on whatever he wants, and that usually means he turns on cartoons and other movies he's been interested in but he's not had a lot of time to try and experience. Like, the man would watch Wall-E for hours if you let him because he gets so many ideas from robot movies and if you let him get started with him... well, you're never going to hear the end of what he wants to create.

That's a passion for him, and a huge reason why his dream, art first, involved making a toy shop! He wants to be able to make things with his hands that are worthwhile and happy. Whether that means exploring more stuff in his garage or staying in his office for a while tinkering with robot parts to see what might do it for him!

He's not had a lot of time to enjoy that stuff... only when he slacked off at the agency... but now he's got a lot of free time to try out everything, and maybe it'd be nice to share those things with you so he can create something even better. Let him be himself for once in his life... and figure out what that means. So, he’s going to be making a mess of himself as he explores that! Just be warned that it will make you laugh to see him covered in muck and fuzz.

“Hand me that, please,” he’d say, and then he’d explain what he’s doing with a grin on his face.

[thegamecollection]

FRONTEARS OF HAPPINESS!

Perhaps it’s just me getting sentimental in my old age, but today’s gameplay of Sonic Frontiers has brought back a lot of memories of my childhood. The relationship that I had with my Dreamcast was a special one after all. It was the first SEGA console that I owned. I discount my Uncle’s SEGA Master System II that he gave to me. I’m talking actually MINE.

I still remember the feeling of opening it on Christmas Day, followed closely by Sonic Adventure. What came next were a few years of chaos emerald obsession as I made my way through both the original and its sequel, Sonic Adventure 2. These games meant so much to so many and some might argue that SEGA has not reached the same heights with this spiky speed-freak since. That is, until now? Let’s get this out of the way. You might have guessed it already but I LOVED what I played of Sonic Frontiers yesterday afternoon.

Speaking with a very passionate Sonic fan in the queue for the game, he said to me how he was trying his best to not get too hopeful after being so let down in recent years... I couldn’t disagree too much. But after waiting for an hour and walking towards the station to get hands on, I might have thrown that “playing it cool” persona out of the window.

So where shall we start? Let’s go for the beginning where Sonic awakens face down, clearly disorientated but aware he’s in a place he doesn’t recognise. A voice from the sky brings him up to speed (get it?) but is not in the mood to answer any of his questions. We know from the premise of Sonic Frontiers that after falling through a wormhole and separating from his friends, he must explore the mysterious Starfall Islands to collect the Chaos Emeralds once again... And this is where my playthrough got me in the nostalgic feels.

Luscious green terrain surrounded me as I made my way speedily across the plains, each blade of grass contributing to the beauty. You’ve seen this from the trailers but when you’re actually in control, it’s a whole different hedgehog. As always I got distracted by the opportunity to collect rings (this is why I eventually ran out of time) and could be found bouncing around off springs, hitting platform after platform, grinding the long, winding bars around the cliffs and just, well, jumping around having fun.

I was pleased with how smooth Sonic’s movement felt around the map and controlling the camera with the right analog stick always meant I had a chance to prepare my next point of exploration. Tutorials played as I hit certain points that allowed me to unlock attacks with experience points, teach me defense/counter attacks and discover the best way to effectively destroy enemies. Homing attacks have always been a little predictable in Sonic games but in Frontiers, that certainly changes. Enemies have health bars that you joyfully see fade with multiple hits, but don’t get too greedy! Staying in there punching away for too long saw me lose my rings on numerous occasions. I shamefully played on ‘Easy’ mode so I can’t say how forgiving it would be otherwise, but I managed to get out of these battles alive. Enemies are all machine-like and can be pretty nasty buggers. Counter attacking became not only a way to keep my stash of rings (after I’d perfected), but a very satisfactory affair. All of this was prepping me for a boss fight that I never actually got to face (note to self, don’t spend so much time jumping around on a timed playthrough at Gamescom) but you bet your last gold ring that come release on 8th November, I’ll do exactly the same thing. There’s just so much to see.

The amount of mysteries across Starfall Islands are apparent even from the mood that is set. Sonic is alone here, with no cool quips to say to anyone and no catchy soundtrack that stays in your head for years. No ‘Escape From The City’ or ‘Live And Learn’ equivalent? “Awwwwwwww no” I hear you say, and if I was reading this then I’d be saying it too. Soundtracks have been a huge part of Sonic games over the years, and yet the naturally mysterious sounds of the world around you in Frontiers only add to the ambiance.

Defeating mini bosses provided me with portal gears that, yep, you guessed it... Opened portals. These doorways to linear stages of Sonic’s memories resemble iconic locations like Green Hill Zone, only they’re floating in the air! It’s a nod to Sonic fans of old in a next-gen setting and showcases in a short period the level of depth and layers to Frontiers. This is the closest thing I’ve played to Sonic Adventure 1 + 2 and I don’t say it lightly. Be excited for this game.

I can honestly say I was saddened when I saw the words “Thank you for playing” appear on my screen as I prepped for the giant machine boss that had appeared from a portal in the sky. I was ready. So were the queue of 200 people behind me waiting for their turn. *sigh*

We’re back at Gamescom today and whilst I have other things that I should be covering, I might just need to make a lightspeed dash back over to the Sonic Frontiers booth for another run... I might even make that boss fight!

You can pre-order Sonic Frontiers with us right here at The Game Collection!

-Jack

[ailelie]

Wuthering Heights, modern!AU, ...Edgar/Catherine/Heathcliff

This is based purely on the Wise Children's musical version of Wuthering Heights which does use quotes from the original novel, but is, of course, a musical

...this now apparently has a sex scene. So. Be warned for that. I've put asterisks on either side of it for those who prefer to avoid. The scene involves people goading one another into things they're perhaps not quite ready for, but everything is consensual. Is it on the edge of problematic? Yes, but please refer to the ship and source material. What did you expect?

First, we are shortening the time span and aging up the characters. Heathcliff is probably adopted when in middle school. English is his second language and Earnshaw sends him to the same uppity private school as his other two children. This school is ahead of his other school material-wise, plus Heathcliff is behind because his former school lacked resources for ESL students and instead over-assigned them to special education. It takes a couple years at the new school for Heathcliff to prove his only special need is that English isn't his first language. He doesn't shake the stigma, though. After one too many fights, Earnshaw sends Hindley to military school. (Hindley meets Francis who works near the military compound and they start a sweet romance; she is charmed by the idea of her military man protector. Earnshaw dies before Hindley ever formerly enlists and so he goes home instead of going into the military after school).

Before his death, Earnshaw sets up funds for Catherine and Heathcliff to go to college. Heathcliff is more interested in going than Catherine is. She ultimately goes because he does. When not in class, the two explore the city, breaking into locked and abandoned buildings to see what has been barred from them. Why should they, of all people, be denied access to anywhere?

(Note: Their school is not in the same town as their home. Catherine convinces her father to rent them an apartment near campus so that they don't have to stay in a dorm).

Then, the summer after their freshman year, Earnshaw dies and Hindley returns to their hometown. He turns Heathcliff out and revokes his college funding, claiming he needs it for Francis, his sickly wife.

I'm not sure how I feel about Francis. On the one hand, I think she genuinely loved Hindley and maybe even Catherine and would have been a good mother. On the other, she got spooked just looking at Heathcliff, which suggested to me that Hindley had brought her solely for an excuse to get rid of Heathcliff and reminds me too much of white women calling the police on black men existing. However, Hindley may have filled her head with stories of Heathcliff and how devilish he was and she may have been reacting more to those than to his presence. She was certainly of weak enough constitution to get caught up like that. So, perhaps, she would have come to love Heathcliff as well had she had continued exposure to him to learn that Hindley's tales were untrue.

Heathcliff suddenly has to find a place to live and a way to continue his education. Plus, Catherine still wants to spend time together and continue their urban exploration. I think Heathcliff ends up juggling two or three jobs and sleeping out of his car. He and Catherine explore in his infrequent off-hours.

Then, one night, the place they're exploring turns out to have guard dogs. Catherine gets bitten. While she and Heathcliff are escaping, they run into a pair of siblings out for a late evening walk. The siblings see Catherine bleeding and immediately want to help. Catherine tells Heathcliff to go and lets herself by treated by the Lintons.

Catherine requests no hospitals, so Edgar, who wants to be a doctor, but is only pre-med currently, puts his limited knowledge to the test to help her. She doesn't want to go home to her brother, as that could also get Heathcliff in trouble, so she stays with the Lintons. She learns that Edgar actually attends the same university as her and Heathcliff and will be a senior in the fall.

Edgar is charmed by Catherine's artlessness and daring. She shows him her videos from her urban exploration. (Catherine takes videos and does a running commentary; Heathcliff takes photographs. He has the control she lacks).

Isabella is still in high school and a bit of a dreamer. She probably aspires to be a novelist and decides to cast Catherine as her next protagonist, which flatters Catherine greatly.

Catherine spends a lot of time with the Lintons. Heathcliff is always working anyway, but now she is canceling on urban exploration with him to stay with the Lintons. She enjoys being doted on. Isabella takes her shopping and, of course, everything looks amazing on Catherine. Edgar likes how happy Isabella is with Catherine to spend time with and appreciates that Catherine is nice to his sister (of course, she's only nice because of how Isabella dotes on her, but Edgar doesn't know that). Edgar and Catherine have long, winding conversations. He never really challenges her, but he does make her think. (His persuasion is slow as the river cutting through stone and very different to Heathcliff's vehemence). He's a bit of a geek about medicine, which Catherine appreciates. It is a pale shadow of the passion she and Heathcliff share for abandoned spaces and each other, but it is familiar.

Heathcliff despises Catherine's new clothes and points out how impractical they are for breaking into abandoned buildings. He hates how Edgar has convinced Catherine to upload some of her videos online since they were supposed to be only for the two of them. Their exploration isn't for others to gawk at; it is for their interest and reign. They're the masters of the world against no door may be barred; not content creators for the greedy masses.

The more Catherine and Heathcliff argue, the more Catherine appreciates Edgar's willingness to go along with her. Then Edgar asks Catherine on a date and so she cancels a planned break-in with Heathcliff to spend time with him instead. For Heathcliff, strung out on the lack of sleep from working too much and sleeping in his car and furious by Catherine's betrayal, this is too much.

Heathcliff doesn't have Edgar's family money, fancy manners, or future career and riches. He and Catherine have one final fight and he leaves.

Catherine ends up dating Edgar off and on throughout the rest of undergrad and they may even share an apartment. He's older, but the university does have a medical program so he can stay on campus. Catherine does not graduate on time, but flits from major to major as it suits her. When Isabella graduates, she applies to the same college to be near them. She lives on campus, though.

During this time Francis gets pregnant and dies giving birth to Hareton. Hindley grieves too deeply to care for his son and hires a nanny to tend to him. As Hindley falls deeper into despair, drink, and gambling, his funds wither away and the nanny becomes his only expense. When Heathcliff returns, Hareton is just-turned three. Hindley makes sure he has food, but that's about it. He changes diapers infrequently and forces Hareton to potty-train early so that he can stop dealing with the diapers.

Catherine is a fifth-year senior and Edgar is in his second year of medical school when Heathcliff returns. He is back by invitation from the university as he has, in his absence, become known as an artist for his photography. (Catherine may even throw that in his face at some point--he's just another content creator for the greedy masses). His photos sell for high prices and, while he isn't wildly wealthy, he is comfortable and supplements his funds with portraiture and commissions. (He does both traditional photos and photo collages and sculptures). He is known for his command of light and shadow and his creativity.

(Heathcliff didn't get a lucky break so much as made a lucky break through a bit of snooping and blackmail. Still, he only made opportunities and still got lucky in that others decided to pay him for his work).

When Catherine learns that Heathcliff is staying in a hotel, she immediately invites him to stay with her and Edgar instead. Heathcliff initially declines, but then he notices how relieved Edgar is at his refusal and changes his mind. He'll gladly stay with them.

When Edgar is away at class, Heathcliff turns on Catherine, demanding to know why she is still with this milksop. He doesn't understand what she gets from her relationship with him. He is so inferior to her.

Catherine bites back that Edgar debates ideas and listens to her like Heathcliff never could.

Heathcliff is also furious that Catherine has chosen a career other than art. She has decided to become a nurse, which is a gross betrayal of her very essence and clearly Edgar's fault.

The argument ends with them inches apart and about to kiss when Edgar returns to the apartment. He immediately clocks the weird atmosphere, but says nothing. After all, Heathcliff is Catherine's dearest friend and is only here for a single gallery show. He can swallow his objections down in the meantime.

Meanwhile, Heathcliff can't bring himself to leave Catherine again. He wants to steal her from Edgar and punish Edgar for ever tainting her spirit. He doesn't understand how Catherine could bear to love the weak-willed reed of a man.

Heathcliff works on charming the college gallery owner and gets a partial scholarship to enroll in some business and management courses. He has decided to open a gallery in town to display his own work and showcase students.

During the summer, Heathcliff returns home to where Hindley and Hareton are living. Heathcliff pays off Hindley's debts and gets the deed to the family home in exchange. He then sells the family home to fund the purchase of a gallery in the city where Catherine is still in school.

He allows Hindley and Hareton to join him in the college town, provided Hindley agrees to be his employee. He'll help with the gallery, clean the house, and other sundry tasks in exchange for a place to sleep and pittance wage.

The gallery has a small apartment above it, but Heathcliff wants something more grand. He just wants Catherine to pick it with him. To his utter dismay, Catherine brings Edgar househunting as well. Then, to his even greater dissatisfaction, Edgar is helpful.

(By this time, Isabella has developed a terrible crush on Heathcliff and has been making noises about moving off campus and into her brother's apartment, which the family is paying for. Catherine's jealousy is great and she has decided that both Edgar and Heathcliff are hers and Isabella can have neither of them.)

Edgar, upon being invited by Catherine to the house-hunting (and eager to not live with Heathcliff again), did some cursory research online about choosing a good house and neighborhoods in the city.

They find a place that's a bit big and just on the edge of what Heathcliff can afford. Catherine pronounces it as perfect for "us."

Heathcliff and Edgar both look askance at her and Heathcliff repeats "us" slowly.

"The three of us," Catherine confirms. Both men are immediately against this, but Catherine won't be moved. "I'll not choose between you," she tells them. "I love you both and that's the truth of it."

She wheedles Edgar and points out how Isabella is ready to move off campus and she could have the apartment. Does he really want to live with his sister?

She argues loudly with Heathcliff, each accusing one another of betrayal and refusing to see or understand. Heathcliff yells that he doesn't understand what Catherine sees in Edgar and Catherine throws a cup or something breakable at the wall by Heathcliff's head and demands, "Try!"

When she's a bit calmer again, she points out that the house's mortgage would be more affordable with three incomes rather than one because, if Heathcliff and Edgar force her to choose, she'll go off on her own and leave them both.

The men, so cornered, finally agree. Catherine, pleased, kisses them both on the mouth, one after the other, and then darts upstairs to claim her preferred room while the other two handle contacting the realtor and submitting the offer.

Meanwhile, Hindley and Hareton live in the small apartment over the gallery.

Catherine flaunts her refusal to choose. She makes out with Heathcliff on the couch and then, when Edgar returns home, grabs his wrist as he passes the couch and pulls him down for a long kiss before he can leave the room. She sits in Edgar's lap to eat breakfast, wearing only his shirt and boxers, but then talks the entire time to Heathcliff.

Meanwhile, Edgar and Heathcliff continue to despise one another. Catherine becomes a competition between them. Every minute spent with her is a point against the other. (By mutual and unspoken agreement, every minute spent all three together is a point scored to Catherine).

Heathcliff and Catherine start doing urban exploration together again. Then, one night, Catherine tricks Edgar and Heathcliff into going together. (Promised Heathcliff to show and then told Edgar to meet her at the same place). Heathcliff goads Edgar into breaking into the building with him.

At first it all meanness and spite, but then both grow quiet, enchanted by the ruin. Heathcliff starts taking some quick photos and planning other, more intensive shots. He's not paying attention to Edgar anymore, but then he hears him talking in the other room.

He goes to the room and finds the roof caved in and stars overhead and Edgar in the midst of the rubble quoting a poem. Edgar's back is to him and his face upturned to the sky visible amidst cracks and missing tiles. Starlight and the ambient city light of too many street lamps illuminate him and the scant, scraggly weeds poking up through the rubble.

Heathcliff watches and listens before raising his camera on instinct alone and composing a shot: Edgar in the chapel ruins. Edgar flinches as the camera clicks and whirls around, locking eyes on Heathcliff. For a moment neither moves nor breaths nor speaks. Then, Edgar resumes his recitation, his gaze never wavering:

"Clasp me to your life, to your death, to your submissive materials, to your dead, neutralized doves, and let us make fire, and silence, and sound, and let us burn, and be hushed among bells."

The instant his mouth falls still, Heathcliff snaps another photo. Then Edgar looks away and the moment breaks, but something has shifted. "It's Neruda, by the way," Edgar says.

"I don't care," Heathcliff responds, but the last line is still echoing around his head. Let us burn, and be hushed among bells.

After that, they explore the rest of the church together, not speaking, but not separate either.

"Well?" Catherine asks them, expectantly, when they return home. Edgar kisses her on the cheek and says it was interesting. Heathcliff merely grunts in agreement and goes to his room to start processing his photos. When he reaches the one with Edgar staring directly at him, he wants to destroy his computer. He wants to destroy it.

Edgar lacks the feral rage that defines Catherine and Heathcliff. He does not and cannot ever understand their passion and intensity.

Still, after that night, the tenor of their interactions changes. They still compete over Catherine, but they're also goading one another toward something neither could name. They're passive aggressively nice to one another in Catherine's presence. Now, the first to crack, to say something obviously cruel, loses a point. Catherine tries to set them up again, but they communicate enough to avoid that happening.

Heathcliff cannot see what Catherine sees in Edgar. (She sees a harbor in her rages, a soothing balm, stability she desperately lacks; he is also quick and clever and loves her). He only sees a man he wishes to destroy.

Then one night, Catherine presses Heathcliff's camera into his hands and pulls him into Edgar's bedroom (they've each their own, though Catherine rarely uses hers). "I want you to capture the moment he falls apart," she says.

Edgar objects to this, but Catherine soothes him with a kiss and then teasingly asks if she is too wild for him. Heathcliff chuckles at that and answers for Edgar, "Of course you are, Catherine. He is too meek for you."

And Edgar's eyes flash at that. "Fine," he says and pulls off his shirt. Catherine grins like a lynx and pushes backward onto the bed. Her teeth scrape at his throat.

***

Edgar tries to ignore Heathcliff, but cannot as Catherine narrates to him. "See how easily he bruises," she says, after sucking a hickey against the side of his neck. "Watch." Then she lowers her mouth and sucks another. She knows he prefers marks he can hide, just as he knows she prefers to see her handiwork.

"His nipples are so sensitive too," she says. "Look, they prick up with just a breath."

And Edgar knows his face is burning. He lays one wrist across his eyes, but then Catherine tuts and moves it aside. She kisses him deeply and he presses up against her. "Don't hide," she admonishes him and then slips down his body to bite a kiss beneath his belly button.

"He is weak for you," Heathcliff says suddenly and Edgar hates the shiver that wracks through him at his voice. He closes his eyes, but he can still hear the smile in Catherine's voice as she replies, "He loves me."

She pulls his pants down slowly and he grabs the bed sheet with both fists to resist snatching them from her and pulling them back up, putting an end to all of this.

Then her tongue swirls around his member and he makes a noise he cannot describe. Heathcliff laughs quietly and his camera snaps.

Catherine's mouth is warm and he can feel warmth building, but then he feels an intruder at his bum and jerks. Catherine pulls off of him and presses a kiss against his knee. "Let me," she says, her finger rubs light circles around his asshole. "Please."

Catherine almost never says 'please.' He nods and she smiles, soft and wild. Her finger pushes forward again. "Relax," she tells him, caressing his taut thigh with her free hand. She trails kisses down that same thigh and then back up his penis. He forces himself to breathe as her finger sinks deeper. It is uncomfortable, but then her finger crooks and brushes something electric.

She hums around his dick as he moans in his throat. The warmth slowly returns. Catherine pulls off of him and sinks another finger in. He finds himself pushing back against her, trying to hit that knot of pleasure again. He knows the word for it, but words have fled.

"So greedy for me," Catherine says, pleased and amused. "You know, Heathcliff's fingers are longer than mine. Thicker, too. Do you want him to try?"

This cuts through the haze of pleasure. "What?" he asks.

"Catherine," Heathcliff murmurs, full of warning.

Catherine is looking at Heathcliff, so Edgar follows her gaze. He sees the camera loose in Heathcliff's hands and the deeper darkness in his eyes. His hand flexes and Edgar can't ignore the size of his fingers.

"Scared?" Catherine half-mocks. She pulls her fingers free of Edgar and he bites back a noise of dismay. He is still hard, still wanting. Catherine holds out her hand for Heathcliff's camera. "Come on," she says, "trade me."

Edgar knows this is his moment to put an end to it all. To scramble back, cover himself, and recover himself. But instead he looks at Heathcliff and sees want. And the power of that makes him stupid.

"Do it," he says, surprising them all. "Trade her."

Catherine grins and smacks a kiss against his knee. She stands, grabs the camera from Heathcliff, and pushes him toward the bed. "Lube's there," she says, pointing next to Edgar on the bed.

Heathcliff uses a little, but not enough and his finger burns slightly on entry. He grins at Edgar's hiss of pain.

"Is that all," Edgar says, trying to reclaim the power of the situation.

Heathcliff scowls; he changes emotions as quickly as a breeze. "I will ruin you," he vows.

"You won't," Edgar promises. He isn't sure if that's reassurance or a dare.

Heathcliff works a second finger in and Edgar has never felt so full or so vulnerable. His girlfriend is waiting with the camera for the shot of his wreckage, but he cannot focus on her. He only feels the stretch and the fullness and the sheer delight of watching his enemy want him. And then he is close and he feels himself tightening. He refuses to be the only one compromised. He reaches, grabs a fistful of Heathcliff's hair, and tugs him forward, crashing home against his mouth. He comes like that--Heathcliff's fingers in his ass, his heel against Heathcliff's back, and their mouths hot against each other.

***

Heathcliff wants to destroy Edgar, but Edgar refuses to be destroyed. He meets the chaos head-on and remains, maybe changed, but still whole.

Heathcliff pulls away and looks down at his shirt and jeans, soaked with Edgar's come. "You destroyed my clothes."

Edgar, lazy in the aftermath, just smiles. "So undress next time."

Heathcliff goes as still as a deer in the woods. "Next time?" he repeats softly.

"Do you think she'll allow anything less?" Edgar asks, removing the sting of his words with a brush of his fingers against Heathcliff's hand. He still does not like this man, but he can try. For Catherine.

"We're doing this again," Catherine says, dropping the camera on the dresser and clambering onto the bed. She kisses them both. Edgar looks past her to Heathcliff and raises a brow, See?

Heathcliff starts to smile, but then looks away.

"We should clean up," Edgar says, sitting up. "I should shower."

"I'll join you," Catherine says. She bounces back off the bed and holds out her hand for him. "We'll see you at dinner?" she asks Heathcliff.

He nods and they leave.

Alone in Edgar's room, Heathcliff sits on the edge of the bed and buries his face in his hands. The scent of Edgar's sweat and come are thick in his nose.

Fighting with Catherine is like battling a storm. Her refusals are wind and lightning, forces of nature. They are one and the same and he loves her for her feral ferocity and joy.

Edgar is so much lesser, a mere man against gods. He should crumble beneath them, but he does not. He is every weak flower that survives the summer storm. He denies destruction and resists consumption. He is rare. If Heathcliff cannot wreck him, then he must possess him.

He cleans himself and goes downstairs. He listens to the water running in the pipes and orders food for them all. He surprises himself by remembering Edgar's usual order.

When Catherine and Edgar come downstairs, Heathcliff notices the bruises on Edgar's throat. Catherine smirks when she notices him noticing. Heathcliff's newfound possessiveness swells within him and he backs Edgar against the kitchen counter.

Edgar is nervous and concerned, asking if everything is all right. Heathcliff tells him to shut up before lowering his mouth to the otherside of his neck and biting. Edgar's hands flex and tighten against the edge of the counter and Catherine rubs one hand up and down Heathcliff's back; she closes the other, lightly, over one of Edgar's wrists.

Heathcliff pulls away and smudges a thumb across the dark mark he left behind. He steps back, freeing Edgar.

Edgar narrows his eyes at the both of them. "I'm doomed to turtlenecks and scarves in public now, aren't I?"

"No," Heathcliff says. "Let them see."

"You are both ridiculous," Edgar says and he leaves the kitchen.

Catherine launches herself into Heathcliff's arms and peppers thankful kisses all over his face. Heathcliff slams her into a wall and she bites his lip with a wild grin. "Ours, yes?"

"Yes."

Naturally, before they can get everything figured out, before Edgar can have the very awkward conversation with Isabella about his relationships, before they can even think about labels or the future, Hindley dies.

He doesn't show up to the gallery for work so Heathcliff goes upstairs and finds Hareton sleeping next to the cool corpse of his father.

Police are called. Social services are called. Heathcliff does not want the brat, but the social worker gives a polite, I-don't-care smile and says that they're at capacity and that it is better for children to remain with family and that means Heathcliff and, since they live together, Catherine.

So Hareton joins the household. The house is large, but not extremely so. It has four bedrooms, but the fourth is Heathcliff's office and studio. Hareton spends the first night in Edgar's bed. Edgar sleeps on the couch. Catherine and Heathcliff both refuse to give up their space, but the baby, who is about 4 years old at this point, has to have somewhere.

Edgar emails his professors that night citing a family emergency and takes off classes for the rest of the week. During this time, Heathcliff argues for taking Hareton back to the authorities to drop into foster care. Edgar disagrees. Catherine swaps sides to better enjoy them arguing. She doesn't want to take care of her nephew, though.

Hareton has never, other than the nanny when he was a true baby, had someone care for him. So, when Edgar tucks him in, asks him what he likes to eat, and holds him when he cries, he gets clingy.

Catherine realizes one night, watching Edgar carry Hareton up and down a hallway while humming a lullaby, that she rather likes the look of him holding a baby like that. Then she realizes that Hareton is hers and Heathcliff's. They're his relatives. If Edgar decides to love Hareton, too, then he has to stay with them to remain near the baby. This is another way to bind Edgar to them.

She slips into Heathcliff's bed and curls against his back. He grasps her hands tight to his heart. She whispers, "He can't leave us if we have Hareton. If we make Hareton belong to the three of us, he has to stay. He's good like that."

"Children are an irritation," Heathcliff grumbles.

Catherine kisses his shoulder. "Imagine Hindley's expression when Hareton calls you Papa. We can make him hate Hindley. And Francis."

Heathcliff rolls to his other side and pushes a lock of hair behind Catherine's ear. "Hindley hated Hareton."

"Yes, but he hated you more. He never wanted to lose anything to you."

"He lost everything to me," Heathcliff says, proud.

Catherine shoves his shoulder down and climbs over to straddle his waist. "Everything except Hareton," she taunts.

Heathcliff strokes his hands up and down her sides beneath her shirt. He skims his thumbs over her nipples and they harden under his touch. "What would we even do with his spawn?"

"Let Edgar handle the boy. We can spoil or shape him at our leisure, turn him into a little acolyte to do our bidding." She pulls off her shirt. "What do you say?"

Heathcliff rolls her onto her back and she laughs. "I'll think about it," he says.

"Think faster," she says and pulls him down for a kiss.

At breakfast the next morning, Heathcliff says, "If we keep him, you're responsible for him."

"I have classes," Edgar protests while cutting up a banana for Hareton. "I can't watch him full-time."

"You have to choose," Heathcliff says, uncaring. "If you can't handle him, we'll take him back to the social worker."

Edgar looks up sharply, but sees no help on either Heathcliff's or Catherine's faces. Disappointment sinks like a stone in his gut. "Fine," he says, sliding the bananas onto Hareton's plate. "Do that. But I'll leave at the same time and this--" he gestures at the three of them "--is over." He meets their gazes, first Catherine's and then Heathcliff's. "You have to choose."

A moment later, Edgar and Hareton are alone at the table. Edgar sips his coffee and watches Hareton eat. "I suppose we find out whether or not they hate you more than they like me." He sighs. "I hope Isabella won't mind me moving back in."

Edgar spends the day with Hareton, taking him to the park and reading books to him at the library. They get dinner out and return home when Hareton starts yawning with every breath. Edgar knows he is only delaying the inevitable and begins mentally packing on the way home.

When he arrives, Heathcliff and Catherine are waiting for him. "How would we do it?" Heathcliff asks and Edgar blinks; his plans scatter.

"Let me put him down first," he says, walking past them to his bedroom. As he tucks Hareton in, he kisses the child's forehead. "I suppose they do love me. Lucky you."

He returns to the main room. Catherine is pacing and he recognizes the energy and irritation in her fluttering fingers and chewed lip. Heathcliff stands by the empty fireplace, still as a statue.

"He's old enough for a nursery," he says. "Maybe even pre-school. That's half the day there. We can divide his expenses and take turns caring for him in the evenings."

"And what do we do with him?" Heathcliff asks, biting out each word.

Edgar shrugs. "Play with him? Keep him from harm? Make sure he's learning. Comfort him when he's scared or hurt. Discipline him when he's naughty. That sort of thing, I suppose."

"We don't have a room for him," Heathcliff points out.

"I have an idea for that," Catherine says. "We stay in one room, us three. Keep one room for when want to sleep alone and give the other room to Hareton. It is the three of us now, isn't it?"

Heathcliff's gaze cuts to Edgar and he waits for his reply. Edgar nods and swallows nervously. "Yes. I rather think it is."

"Good," Heathcliff says. "One room. Mine is the largest."

Catherine beams. "Good. We're parents, then, too. Papa, Daddy, and Mommy. Or Mama. I don't care which."

"Wait now--" Edgar says, uncertain.

"We did not agree--" Heathcliff begins.

Catherine pushes up onto her toes and kisses Heathcliff's jaw. "We're stealing everything, remember?" Then she skips over to Edgar and twines her arms around his neck; he catches her at the hip. "Besides, wouldn't it be better for him to have parents growing up? It'll be easier, too, if we have more children."

He really cannot deny her anything. Edgar pulls her closer, locking his hands behind her back. "Fine," he says. "I'm Papa?"

"Yes," she says, pressing her forehead to his. They breathe together and, for a moment, he can feel all of the tension and energy drift out of her, leaving calm resolve in its wake.

"We will have to go shopping," Heathcliff says, with a sneer.

"I can do that," Catherine says. "I'll make Isabella help me."

"Fine," Heathcliff says.

"Fine," Catherine replies.

"Fine," Edgar echoes. His future once again rearranges itself. He is a med student, in love with an utterly maddening woman, possibly falling for an utterly frustrating man, and a father. He's only 24 years old. Catherine is planning to be a nurse, though Heathcliff keeps trying to talk her out of it. Heathcliff continues selling his photographs and running his gallery. They might actually make this work.

And so that's how the future rolls out. Hareton grows up in an odd household with three parents who care for him in different ways. His papa always listens to him, ensures he has all he needs, and gives good advice. His mama is mercurial, but takes him on grand adventures around the city, gives him his first beer, and goads him into chasing his dreams. His father is stern most the time, but occasionally playful when Mama is around. He teaches Hareton how to present himself and handle others and demands strength. His compliments are rare, but Hareton treasures each one.

Hareton knows they did not give birth to him--his birth parents were drunkard and a woman prone to sickness--but he loves them. He also loves his younger sister and brother and does his best to protect them from the world.

Catherine is always selfish, but she learns to make sacrifices for her family. Heathcliff is always angry, but he learns to choose his targets well and ensure he doesn't lose anything important when he acts on his rage. Edgar is always a bit prone to worry and a peacemaker, but he learns to stand up more to his tempestuous partners. And all three come to trust and love one another. Their children are raised knowing love.

And then, one day, a young Professor Lockwood rents the apartment over the gallery and learns the whole story.

[gwydionmisha]

Strange New Worlds

I am still digesting Strange New Worlds: All Those Who Wander

Here there be Spoilers:

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I am still so angry about the ableism and the teasing us with what looked like could have been a really interesting character and rare representation if they had wanted to explore it, then yoinking it right the fuck away, that I'm struggling to work out what to say, but I'm going to try.

The thing is, I actually was liking it up until that point despite the issues and some choices I was not best pleased by.  I rather liked them making Pike the man Kirk ended up spending his entire adult life trying to be and not pulling it off.  I was cool with them showing how Uhura started to become Uhura, because it meant that character getting a real arc, and they definitely are showing the canonical character's strengths, even if the drifted into Starfleet thing was not a choice to my taste.  This is a thing early 20somethings can struggle with.  Just because I'm not the intended audience (I hardly ever am outside of things like Torrchwood, Black Sails, and Our flag Means Death) doesn't mean a thing is bad, if that makes sense.  I really like the Nurse Chapel upgrade, even though I have concerns about what they might do with her Spock wise.  (I'd rather see her with Erica Ortegas).  They gave me men in my age range to look at who are worth looking at.  I liked the pretty doctor, but I am really hoping there is more to him in season two.  I really, really liked Erica Ortegas, even though I feel like the writers didn't bother to develop her properly, trusting Melissa Navia's charm and swagger to paper over them not bothering to give her an arc.  I rather liked them giving the original series network execs the finger by bringing Una back.  I have hopes that La'an's arc will do more with recovering from/learning to live with trauma, since they laid some ground work there.

I don't want to get into the whole Spock T'Pring issue or the Spock issue in general because that's a whole other massive and complex ball of string and I wanted to be asleep an hour ago.  Just... take as read my thoughts are complex here and I'm still digesting, okay? (Update: two and a half hours ago as of this going up on Tumblr Sunday morning.)

And then there was Hemmer, who was my favorite, once they started to give the actor things to do, because the actor was really fun to watch and it's hard to emote that well through that much make up.  (Yes, I know the actor knew when they hired him.  This isn't about that).  Seriously, they had all the ingredients to do all sorts of interesting things with him.  They could explore his culture.  They could explore his back story.  They could expand on the nubbins of a character they had only started to hint at that i had every faith that the actor could have pulled off.  There was so much potential for this to be a break out character and... They decided to fridge a rare character with a disability played by an actor with a disability on the first day of Disability Pride Month because... Why?  Shock value?   Because they realized killing off the barely characterized fat character by himself wouldn't pack a punch and we know a bunch of the characters need to survive for ToS?  (Were there any other fat characters with names on the ship?  it's possible I missed one, but the fact that I can't think of one is telling.  Fatphobia is an exhausting problem in media too).  Because they need to make the Xenomorphesque Gorn the new Borg so instead of killing some red shirts, they decided to kill the OC off with the most potential who also happens to mean a lot to an under-represented group of viewer Paramount doesn't care about to make the stakes feel real?

I don't know, but I'm so angry about it, I'm not sure even Ortegas and Chapel can keep me watching, or my curiosity as to how certain other threads develop.  (Not a sentence it would have occurred to me at any age I would be writing about nurse Chapel until this show premiered).  I have a year to think about it, but I don't trust them any more at it will take a lot to win me back to this show.

Which brings me to my other main point: a lot of the problems not counting the finale are because they had so much stuff that needed to be in the first season and not enough time.  We know fuck all about Ortegas and hemmer's backgrounds and lives.  They didn't get arcs of their own.  Lots of characters had stuff seeded for future season(s) that would have had some essential breathing room if they'd had an traditional trek length season for wiggle room instead of the shortened prestige format.  

Trek needs that room to breath in order to work a lot of the time.  You have all these characters in a first season to meet.  They need to establish a group dynamic.  The audience needs enough exposure to each to get an idea of what's their deal, basically.  (Ex: Pike's foreknowledge of his fate, Una being a secret Illyrian, La'an's Gorn trauma, etc.).  Every episode needs a puzzle or an actiony thing or a mystery or whatever plot.  Every episode needs to advance one or more character arc.

The heart of Trek has always been it's characters and relationships every bit as much as the world building and science fictiony social commentary bits.  When Trek works well it balances these things.  (I still think DS9 is far and away the best old Trek and the Kelvinverse movies are unwatchable.  No, I won't be taking criticism on this, reasonable people can disagree and you won’t change my mind).  You need Serious episodes and big plot episodes (if you are TNG era or later) and silly episodes and exploring a culture or concept episodes and gee whiz episodes and weird historical exploration episodes and RL social commentary reflection episodes and cool puzzle episodes and character arc episodes, etc..  You need to be doing 2-3 of these things in each individual episode and pretty much all of them in a season.  It is pretty much impossible to jam all that into thirteen episodes when traditional Trek had approximately twice as many.  Were some of the individual episodes not great?  Absolutely.  (I grew up on ToS in endless syndication and watched the animated series in real time when they were new.  A lot of the oldest trek is not great.  TNG is super uneven and the first two years... not great.  I bailed out of Voyager a few years in.  I only managed a few episodes of Enterprise.  Even my beloved DS9 had duds here and there).  The thing is though?  The longer seasons gave them room to shake out the bugs, to experiment, to really explore cultures, and from the start of TNG on explore character and do long character development arcs, to build a real sense of who the crew are separately and together.

The season was too short to fully develop most of the characters.  It was too short to do more than give some of them, like Una, more than one character issue for us to look at.  Una is an Illyrian and second in command, but what else?   Dr. M'Benga is the Doctor and had a sick daughter, but what else?  Ortegas is butch and an excellent pilot, but what else?  Hemmer is blind and the chief engineer, but what else?  And yes, I basically know the TV shows and the movies (except the third kelvinverse one, halfish of Voyager, lower decks, and most of enterprise).  I loved that novel Garak's actor wrote about Garak.  I think we read some of the Diane Duane expanded trek tie books on tapes on care trips around the turn of the century?  I know the stuff I know pretty well, because I've seen the bits I like often.  I don't know the expanded universe outside the visual media much at all.  I know fuck all about Aenar and I'd really, really like to, but oh well.

I just...  idk.  I was really enjoying it, but I don't trust them to fix the problems.  Not anymore.

To be clear, I’ve noting against short formats in general, I just feel like this was better suited to a longer format schedule.

[concusswords]

Phantom Liberty

I have been playing Cyberpunk since launch and have been a staunch defender of it. The glitches were all on the consoles or PC's that shouldn't be playing it. There was a ton of effort and care put into this game. I have done 10 playthroughs and have amassed 355 hours in the game. The themes of this game cover many political and social issues related to hyper capitalism. There is also amazing cultural representation! There is even a trans woman who has a great quest.

I was so excited about Phantom Liberty because the story addressed topics I have personally struggled with. I have a business degree and originally was excited to do a career in economic politics or owning a business. I even at one point wanted to be President of the USA. Now however I am a staunch anti capitalist and vehemently dislike the political structures in the US and how they cause harm to the most marginalized of people. I also had enlisted in the US air force during high school. I was never given the opportunity to serve because Donald Trump had banned the enlistment of trans people in the military. I feel this is for the better however because I was able to access a career field I truly care about. The cherry on top of the DLC is that its a super spy thriller. I love this genera and have watched and read many of Ian Flemings' James Bond Novel based media. I wrote my own super spy setting for D&D and am working on its 2nd expansion right now.

These are some photos I took during my playthrough (admittedly pretty late into it). I really think CD Projekt Red really improved their lighting aesthetics. I also had a lot of fun making outfits.

In my first ever playthrough of the game I got the "Where Is My Mind" ending. Which sees you being fucked over by corporations. I played a corpo and instead of rejecting cooperate control I embraced it. This made Johnny kick and scream the whole way. I figured out that characters like Misti and Johnny are the story tellers way of speaking to us. They however only talk to you after you have made the decisions. I decided to do another capitalism lover in my Phantom Liberty playthrough. I don't fully understand why I prefer playing these characters. I think it feels like a safe space for me to grapple with these topics and experiment with what I would do in these situations. I LOVED the "bad" ending for the DLC. With all of the other endings in the base game V is unable to find a cure. In this one you ARE able to find a cure! Which is so freaking refreshing.

After the credits there was like an extra 1.5 hours of gameplay. Instead of just saying "you fucked up" it was like yeah you did fuck up and hurt a lot of people but heres how you move forward with that. My favorite moment in the whole game was seeing Misti 2 years after. It felt like I was a character in her story rather than being a main character. This ending is called "Things Done Changed". The themes explored in this portion felt extremely relevant for me. I had a major mental health crisis earlier in the year and I have been spending the rest of year trying to piece together what exactly happened to me and how it has changed me. This story ultimately had an extremely uplifting message. I even tried the other ending-"Who Wants to Live Forever"- which was emotionally a lot less challenging and is one of the rare endings which doesn't end your actual playthrough (which I have always kind of been annoyed by). And its not even like the ending didnt happen either I have multiple quests that happen afterwards because of the events of the story.

All this to say I had a ton of fun. Please enjoy the photos

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He estado jugando Cyberpunk desde la lanzamiento y he estado un defensor acérrimo a la. Todos los fallos estaben todos en el consolas o en los computadoras que no debería ser jugando lo. Habia un tonelada de esfuerzo y cuidado pone en ese video juego. Yo he hecho diez juego completos y he acumulado trescientos cincuenta y cinco horas en la video juego. Los temas de esa video juego cubren muchos temas poltico y sociales relacionada a hipercapatalismo. Tambien hay representation culturalista asombrosa! Hay incluso una mujer de trans que tengas una busqueda. 

Era emocionada para Libertad Fantasma porque la estoria se hablo a temas yo he lucho con. Yo tengo un licenciatura de negocio y originalmente era emocionada a aser un carrera economica politica o ser dueno de un negotio. Yo incluso en un momento quiero a ser la presidente de los estado unidos. Pero ahora soy un acerrimo anticapitalista y con vehemencia disgusto los structitur politicos en la estados unidos y como ellos causar dano los personas mas marganalizas. Yo tambien he enlisto en la estados unidos fuerza aarea durante escuela secundaria. Nunca me dieron la oportunidad a atender porque Donald Trump habia prohibido la enlisto de personas trans en la militaria. Siento que esto es para la mejor sin embargo porque pude acceder un campo ocupacional que realmente me importa. La cereza encima de la contenido descargable es un suspenso espiar supur. Me encanta la genero y he ver y lear machas  de las libros de Ian Flemings James Bond. Escribe mi propia estoria de super para D&D y estoy trabajando en mi secunda ahora. 

Eso son photographias que yo tome duranta mi juegos completos (es cierto que bastante tarde). Yo realmente pienso CD Projekt Red mejorada la aestheticas de luzes. Tambien me diverti mucho haciendo trajes.

En mi primera juego completas yo obtener la “Donde esta mi mente” finale. Que te ve siendo jodido por los corperations. Jugo de un corpo y en cambio de rechazando control corporativo, yo abrace lo. Eso hecho johnny patear y gritar todo el camino. Yo descubierto esa caracteres como Misti y Johnny son los contadora de historias hablante con nosotras. Ellos sin embargo solamente habla con tu despues de haber tomado las decisiones. Yo decidió a hacer un otro amante de capitalista en mi Libertad Fantasma juego completas. No entiendo completamente porque yo preferir este caracteres. Creo que para mi es un espacio seguro para abordar estos temas y experimentar lo que haria en estas situaciones. AMO la “mal” finale para la contenido descargable. Todo los otra finales en la video juego base, V no puede encontrar una curar. En este tu PUEDES  encontrar una curar! Lo cual es tremendamente refrescante.

Despues los creditos habia uno y trenta horas extras como se juega. En lugar de simplemente decir "la cagaste", fue como "sí, la cagaste y lastimaste a mucha gente, pero así es como sigues adelante con eso". Mi momente favorita de toda el juego fue ver a misti dos anos despues. Se sentia como si fuera una caricatura en ellas estoria en vez de siendo un personaje principal. Este final es llamada “Cosas Hecho Cambiado” (potencialmente suena mejor en inglés). Los temas exploradas en esta parte me parecieron  extremadamente relevantes. Tuve una importante crisis de salud mental a principios de año y pasé el resto del año tratando de reconstruir qué me pasó exactamente y cómo me ha cambiado. En última instancia, esta historia tenía un mensaje extremadamente alentador. Incluso probé el otro final, "Quién quiere vivir para siempre", que fue mucho menos desafiante emocionalmente y es uno de los raros finales que no termina tu partida real (lo cual siempre me ha molestado). Y ni siquiera es como si el final no hubiera sucedido. Tengo múltiples misiones que suceden después debido a los eventos de la historia.

Todo esto para decir que me divertí muchísimo. Por favor disfruta las fotos

Después de los créditos hubo como 1,5 horas extra de juego. En lugar de simplemente decir "la cagaste", fue como "sí, la cagaste y lastimaste a mucha gente, pero así es como sigues adelante con eso". Mi momento favorito de todo el juego fue ver a Misti 2 años después. Me sentí como si fuera un personaje de su historia en lugar de un personaje principal. Este final se llama "Cosas hechas cambiadas". Los temas explorados en esta parte me parecieron extremadamente relevantes. Tuve una importante crisis de salud mental a principios de año y pasé el resto del año tratando de reconstruir qué me pasó exactamente y cómo me ha cambiado. En última instancia, esta historia tenía un mensaje extremadamente alentador. Incluso probé el otro final, "Quién quiere vivir para siempre", que fue mucho menos desafiante emocionalmente y es uno de los raros finales que no termina tu partida real (lo cual siempre me ha molestado). Y ni siquiera es como si el final no hubiera sucedido. Tengo múltiples misiones que suceden después debido a los eventos de la historia.

Todo esto para decir que me divertí muchísimo. Por favor disfruta las fotos

so sorry for the quality of the translation. Losiento para la calidad de la translacion

[booksandwords]

Light Touch by Neve Wilder

Series: Rhythm of Love, #0.5 Read time: 1 Day Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Quote: I wanted to drink him in, spend hours exploring the variant shades of his body. — Quinn Marx

Warnings: None of note.

Light Touch is the story of severely light sensitivity artist Quinn Marx and musician Rufus 'Ru' Merrill. It is told mainly from Ru's perspective, through him we get to know the world and meet Quinn even without knowing his name or story. The story of their meeting is one of my faves. What I do like is the slight flip on the expected dynamic. I didn’t usually bother with musicians. I’d learned my lesson long ago. They were moody egoists, and in my world, there was only room for one moody egoist. Which might have also been the reason I’d been single for months. (Quinn) It isn't the musician with an ego the size of a small planet in this story, it's the artist. No strangers to egos themselves but usually not as frequently in fiction as musos. Quinn is a realist he is the dominating ego and will take no contest, it suits his whole deal really. Ru while having the ego keeps himself grounded, by working a bar and not signing with a label (aka doing it the hard way). This has a really simple flirtation and getting-together plot. It is more of an introduction to the world and some of the characters in it. I do wonder if Neve also wanted to challenge herself by writing a disability with respect.

Some comments and quotes

There are the beginnings of a discussion on bondage. That isn't the direction that Ru and Quinn's sexual relationship goes but I live for discussion of healthy boundaries and knowing your full compatibility. In a way, I think it totally suits Quinn's want or maybe just enjoyment to control.

There were dozens of other attractive people to look at— Nashville was full of them— but like that game I’d played on road trips as a kid where I searched for cars of a certain color, now he was all I could see. Except if he was a car, with that bone structure and sleek build, he’d have been a vintage Oldsmobile F-88, rare and expensive. — Oh... what a pretty analogy. Neve has a way with words. This description in particular just suits Nashville. (Rufus)

For those interested. Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Classical Gas by Mason Williams. I'd heard Classical Gas but I didn't know what it was called.

“Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man,” he crooned as I approached. His voice wasn’t half-bad. Deep and throaty. No Bob Dylan, but on key and as sexy as the rest of him. — This is the first time Quinn speaks and I think it charmed me more than more first lines. He and Ru have been flirting in their own way for a week by this point (Rufus, spoken words Quinn)

The scene in the Haunted House is fantastic to me. Weakness in a strong man is something that needs to be shown more. Ru and Quinn have cute costumes. I laughed too hard at Quinn's 🤣 (no spoilers). Ru's of course plays on a nickname 🧛🏼‍♂️.

Ru started laughing, and when I looked down at him, he laughed harder, saying, “This is never gonna happen, is it?” Marco blinked, taking a step backward. “I… should probably just go.” “You’re fine.” Ru and I said it in unison, which had us cracking up all over again. “God, that was creepy. Please don’t ever do that again. So…” Marco cleared his throat, and recentered his attention on me. “I’m just going to ignore Rufus Merrill’s dick— which, I must admit looks quite impressive even in its semisoft state— and ask you: Tequila, yes or no?” — I told you I adore Marco. This is just one reason why. He walks in on his best friend and a semi-naked guy Quinn really likes and just rolls with it. Marco has an ability to put people at ease I'm totally jealous of. (Rufus, Marco and Quinn)

Marco is a brilliant best friend. The moment in the living room while Ru and Marco are cleaning up makes me so happy. He is perfectly loyal and does his best to communicate the wish to protect Quinn while supporting his relationship.

“Beautiful,” he murmured. “Like smoke curling up from a fire.” And inconvenient. And endlessly annoying. But beautiful worked if it meant he kept touching me. My heart swelled and galloped in my chest, and I gave in and closed my eyes. “Photophobia—” — Not the first but the best time we see Quinn with his glasses off. I adore these mixed interpretations of it. Quinn's Photophobia is what gives him his severe light sensitivity. It's not one I'd read before, the closest being probably prosopagnosia in Holding Up the Universe (also a severe case). (Rufus and Quinn)

As promised by Neve we do meet characters from future Rhythm of Love books. We know of Les Graves from Dedicated, Quinn's ex, the one that made him swear off musicians. He is matched with his Porter & Graves bandmate Evan. Resonance. I adore Owen okay. We have only a couple of interactions with him. But he's just a ball of light and energy, fuelled almost entirely by sugar. He's the series twink, according to Quinn at least. He is matched with his boss at Grim's Record Repository, Dan Grim. I like the last lines of the blurb. "It’s a steamy slow burn bisexual age-gap, boss/employee romance with lots of banter and two obstinate heroes who really, really don’t want to want the very thing they both need."

I got this one free in one of the many book giveaways I got books from recently. But unlike some of the novellas, I downloaded this is one I would have been happy to pay for. Ru and Quinn have this brilliant game going on. Their game of cat and mouse that I haven't seen in a while. It uses disability well though I would suspect that Quinn has a severe case of it. As with so many of the novellas I'm ready recently 4⭐ because I wish it was just a little longer. I wanted to spend more time with these two and their chemistry.