#that was one hell of a blunder right there lol

[coldinternetllama]

My thoughts on Maomao and her parents

Spoilers for Maomao's backstory and maybe for some future instances in the LNs. Also this is not a proper analysis, do not expect much structure, lol

One of the saddest things to me in this story is that Maomao probably craved Fengxian's love until the very end, regardless of what she is saying. After all, who wouldn't want to feel their own mother's love, right? Maomao keeps saying that she doesn't know how to love, however I believe this is simply a coping mechanism for her. We know that she loves Luomen, her sisters, the Granny, even Xiaolan and Loulan (yes, I do think she loved them). Hell, she also has "certain affections" for our beloved red flag, as she herself states in her mind. Yet she doesn't classify any of that as love proper. Instead, she comes back to the cut tip of her pinky and repeats her favorite phrase about how she left that feeling somewhere in the past. There where she also left her mother, who is now just the woman who gave birth to her. Still, she administered Fengxian's medicine time and time again. Still she set up the perfect opportunity for Lakan to find her. Still she danced for her under the night sky with a heavily injured leg. Still she bowed to her remains and played her last game of go for her. I don't think she had it in herself to love the woman who pushed her away, but part of Maomao wanted to love her, I believe. And to be loved back. Granted, Luomen and the women at Verdigris house did their best to raise Maomao, but it wasn't enough to replace what could have been.

If anything, our dear apothecary is probably more frustrated than anything. She doesn't hate her parents, no. I would go as far as to say that she actually feels bad for them ( I mean, who wouldn't). Of course, she would never admit that, which leads to her other coping mechanism, namely her extremely abrasive language when referring to Fengxian and Lakan (come on now, breeding mare and stallion? Girl, chill). She would rather feign indifference, lest she has to confront her feelings, which is her least favorite thing to do, as we know. After all, it's these two people's feelings that got them all to that state. If even such intelligent people could make such a blunder because of feelings, why would she want to feel love or be loved? This is also reflected in the scene where she is telling Jinshi that she wants to be executed with poison. Jinshi answers that he would never execute her. Maomao's answer? It doesn't matter what he wants to do, it only matters if he CAN do it. To me, this is a direct reference to her parents' story. Lakan wanted to be with Fengxian, but couldn't. Fengxian wanted to reach out to him, but couldn't. It all ended in ruin because of that damn feeling called love. Of course, this is also why Maomao just refuses to even consider that she can love (btw, I don't mean strictly one type of love, this is a very vast and complicated feeling with many facets, and I mean all of them here). So she simply claims that she doesn't, yet her actions tell a different story.

Now, I have never been in a similar situation, so I do not claim to know what a person like Maomao would truly think and feel of this. But I think that deep down she wonders what it would have been like to have been loved without being hurt. For her cries to have been met with warmth and not with silence. For her mother to have hugged her instead of having chased her away. And maybe Fengxian wanted the same, but knew that it was not possible. Maybe she was ashamed and disappointed in herself. What good would it be for that child to love her? The child, whose destiny might turn out not too different from her own. Indeed, in the end, no matter what anyone wanted, Fengxian could only become the woman who gave birth to Maomao. And Maomao could only learn to accept that.

[funnywormz]

I think this shitshow with Toshiro stems from the trend of people INSISTING that interpersonal conflict must be a moral failing. Like I think there's something to be said about how people afford so much less patience to people who are autistic in the "wrong" ways, but also Laios and Toshiro just clash on a fundamental level that has nothing to do with that. Hell, you could read Toshiro as autistic as well. People related to Laios' side of the argument but instead of getting any nuance out of it they started projecting their experiences with ableist people onto Toshiro.

AGREE AGREE AGREE. i think that Fandom Brain gets people very used to thinking of conflicts in terms of "who is the bad guy and who is the good guy", so when they encounter a more nuanced conflict they don't really know what to do. i don't think toshiro is a bad person at all, in his conflict with laios he's just exhausted and starving and has been pushed to the limit and from his perspective, laios doesn't even seem that emotionally affected by the situation. i don't think what he said was right and it was pretty cruel, but i don't think he's a villain or deserves to be permanently hated as a character just bc he fucked up this time lol

also yeah you could definitely read him as autistic, and i think that highlights an issue in the autistic community in general bc like....... a lot of autistic people have conflicting needs which can lead to conflict between them/make them unable to stand being around each other. and it's not because either of them are neurotypical or bad people, they're just incompatible. like autistic people who loudly stim vocally and autistic people who meltdown when they have to be around loud noises, for example. it doesn't mean either of them is bad or not autistic, just that they have conflicting needs

i 100% agree with the last part too. i disliked toshiro at first myself bc i had been (and still do ngl) projecting onto laios hard and the conflict they had reminded me of times when people have been mean or angry at me irl for social blunders i've made unintentionally, or when someone i thought liked me/was my friend turned out to actually hate me. it's a common experience for autistic people and that scene resonates with that! but i think it also helps to take a step back from projecting our own traumatic experiences onto the scene and just look at it objectively. laios isn't perfect either and he's the one who actually starts the physical fight by slapping toshiro (i feel like i don't see many people mention this lol). i feel super bad for him in that scene but he's not a perfect victim and has done things wrong himself too

as an autistic person i've also been in situations where i can relate to toshiro too lol, like where someone is overly physically and emotionally familiar with me when we don't know each other well and i've wanted them to back off but haven't been sure how to say it without hurting their feelings. this kind of conflict is far from just being a "neurotypical vs neurodivergent" thing as a lot of people portray it in the fandom

idk i just wish people would think a little more deeply about the scene and put their own emotions and experiences aside to instead consider the conflict with the added context of the individual characters and their respective cultures + the situation they're in. people don't have to like toshiro but i wish they wouldn't paint him as a villain or make up awful shit about him just to justify their feelings when he isn't even that bad of a dude in canon yknow 😑. also we literally see him at rock bottom struggling and freaking out and i think that's important to remember. in a different context i doubt he would have ever said those things to laios

[demonsfate]

DAMN IT HARADA. jfc I'm excited and mad at the same time! Maybe I'm high on cope but this still doesn't show everything, like someone said maybe Kazuya is taunting him, but then again we all know how bad the writing can get. And some annoying Kazuya stans are already starting to say Jin is the real villain of the story I'm gonna be sick lmao

I FEEL LIKE BOOBOO THE FOOL RIGHT NOW.

But HONESTLY, to continue our sweet coping! We can look at some bright sides for that Hope: As you, others, and I've also realized: It could very well just be Kazuya taunting him. Especially since Kazuya is still... weirdly acting all High and Mighty. As if he's the "better" of the two. (This could be just bc Kaz accepts his "destructive nature" while Jin feels hypocritical to him.) Which kinda reminds me of how Kaz was acting in Tek6, trying to present himself as the better guy. So, this could be a manipulative act from Kazuya to try to get under Jin's skin, and try to get Jin to blunder. Jin could not be correcting Kazuya, because he does feel genuinely guilty. Like even if Jin wasn't in control or brainwashed, he still feels like he should've been stronger to prevent that from happening. Also, it IS the first 4 minutes, too. So, if it is clever writing (or decent writing for that matter) it could be setting things up, making us think things are different just to surprise us, y'know?

HOWEVERRR... even if they really ARE just gonna go with "Jin DID do that but it's okay because of the flimsy reasons we've given since that mess. :)" then I actually still don't see them making Kazuya the True Hero of the game. Why? Because I think the writing would be that bad that they think Jin's actions ARE excused because he's "sorry" and that he's trying to "make it up to everyone." Because the game's writing before has shown it has warped perceptions of character's actions. Hell, Harada doesn't even think Heihachi is that bad of a guy, even compared to Kazuya. (Which Heihachi is either just as bad, or WORSE lmao) Did everyone in the fandom just... forget that Heihachi was seen as the "better" of him and Kazuya in the games? Because if that happens, then why is everyone thinking Jin is still gonna be the bad guy despite his actions lmao?

And again... it still doesn't explain Lars' feelings towards Jin (or many of the other characters for that matter.) You could also say "aah, it's just the first 4 minutes! We don't REALLY know how Lars feels around Jin." But not only was he rooting him on in that story mode there, he's also friendly with him in their unique intro - they act like bros! And like, it'd be one thing if they were already acting this way in Tek7... but they weren't! Lars acts like he HATES Jin's guts. He even practically tells the Journalist that he would've killed Jin, too - but he's ONLY keeping Jin alive so that he can defeat Kazuya. So how do you get to "I wanna fucking kill you for all the pain you put me and everyone else through" to "Let's spar and fist bump fam! I believe in you!" Like that weird transition just made me BELIEVE that Lars must've had a revelation.... that it must have NOT been Jin's fault in some way, and Lars after discovering this, had started to warm up to his nephew. So yeah, to explain THIS ALONE, they're gonna need more than just Jin saying "I'm sowwy I feel bad. :(" Because remember "SO YOU STARTED A FREAKING WAR?" Like if Lars wasn't having it in TWO GAMES, he's not gonna have it all of a sudden in this game LOL.

I'm also going to avoid Reddit rn. Like I think I'm not gonna log on to it for a loooooong time. Just because there was already a handful of people bashing on Jin and saying Kazuya Is/Should Be the Main Hero, and Jin's irredeemable garbage. And this actually feels like fuel to that fire, and it's probably gonna cause an explosion. And I just... yeah. I don't feel like witnessing that explosion. Even if my hopes of it actually being retconned ARE true... we won't know until the game is actually out. And that's still a few months away, so that means there are still lots of time for people to just bash on the characters and stuff, and Tek6 in general is probs gonna be brought up a lot more. And I'm just not looking forward to that. Probably for the best, anyway - since I was using Reddit a lil too much.

Anyway, to end, I've seen some spoilers that were found in CNT via datamining, and it does potentially help with my coping too LOL. I will be talking about this under a readmore because they could be potential massive spoilers.

Azazel's pose was found in the CNT. Jin's only doing this here because the pose was just "code" - somebody had to apply it to a fighter to show that the code is indeed there, and see what the code looks like in the game. That's def Azazel's pose from Tek6! Many people think, due to the stage that looks like a reference to Tek6's throne room, that Jin will just have a mental battle with Azazel as a way to "fight his demons." Buuuuuut I actually don't think that's it. I think we're gonna see the REAL Azazel, he may even be the final boss.

Because Zafina is base game. She WASN'T base game in Tek7, only DLC. Why is she base game now? Hmmm... remember? Zafina's still "possessed" by Azazel. I think she's gonna play a MAJOR role in the story. I think she's gonna be why/how Azazel returns.

And finally... the FIRST THING I theorized when the story trailer released nearly a year ago. Kazuya's tie clip. It looks like it could be Azazel's skull + his horns. Isn't that also kinda sus? Why would Kazuya be wearing an image of Azazel? Could he still be under Azazel's influence? Like there are already so many things pointing to Azazel.

So, my verdict is... as much as I adore my own concepts, I really thought it was more unlikely for the game to place the blame on DJ. Especially just because DJ and Jin might be in a kind of Truce right now? They might be working together? Given DJ reaching out to Jin in the beginning of the story trailer, and DJ still being on the roster, and DJ POSSIBLY being in the first five minutes. So yeah. Right now I'm banking on Azazel was brainwashing Jin (and maybe even Kazuya, who knows) Because Azazel, being the creator of the devil gene and once ruler of humanity, just has that power. The devils are his puppets, and he can control them... they must break free of his chains. Which I HOPE this is it, and they just don't have Azazel pop up in the final act so Jin and Kazuya can be like "he's the REAL reason why we had to start this war!111!!1 He threatened our world and we were FORCED to plunge it into despair to draw him out!111!!!" But we'll see.... we'll see.

Of course, if Azazel's brainwashing is what happens. It'll make me happy. But my blog will have to STILL be canon divergent just because I love my ideas too much of DJ doing the war, and I love the development I put him through with it. :3

[tired-reader-writer]

Tiny in the corner of a panel!

Tus is definitely the impulse checker in this triad, lol, and one of his men on the right even has his jaw firmly set— they don't like what they're seeing.

...what's that face for, Clemence?

He wants to make his brother proud 😭

This was a good call and they have sense— they're not idiots, just... overeager to gain honor and merit in battle to prove themselves. They're both young, I forget how old Zaravant is but Isfan is like. 22. And they probably haven't had much experience in terms of big operations coordinated w an entire army outside of their men before this point.

They blundered but they learnt their lesson from this encounter, as we'll see in a later chapter.

I still love this panel, both bc of Tus and bc of Isfan's face, haha.

Cool panel! And ohhhh that was close.

That looks painful, fucking hell.

Okay I'll probably continue this discussion in the next entry because I've run into the image limit but I can't help but feel like this part was aimed at some people among the audience (not among the manga readers on tumblr as far as I can tell, but well as I've mentioned before some anime viewers in the comments were... well...)

Castiello was probably meant to be a stand-in for them.

I don't quite understand— people just see a kindhearted character with a gentle mannerisms and immediately assume “weak”. Happened with Midoriya Izuku back when I was reading the manga (despite the kid being a... feral little shit, to put it mildly), I'm even sure it's happened with Kamado Tanjirou.

And oh, Emma from The Promised Neverland. The way some people were talking about her was... yikes.

Like, excuse me, not every protagonist is gonna be a 100% confident loudmouth or a macho dudebro.

Arslan is kind but that doesn't mean he isn't strong.

[soleminisanction]

I don't have much experience with comics, but one thing that keeps popping up in fic and shocking me is how MEAN people write Stephanie. In a way where it's like they almost don't realize she's being mean, if that makes sense? For example I was reading this fic where Tim and Steph were having this emotional reunion after he thought she was dead, and she called him "boy blunder." And continued to call him that throughout the fic. Am I crazy or is that an awful thing to call someone? I guess they were going for an inside joke, but to me it just seems so cruel, like every time she talks to Tim she's implying he's made a mistake. Of all the plays on "boy wonder" I've seen, that sounds the meanest. Is this something she calls him when they're together in the comics, do you know?

Oh she's absolutely called him Boy Blunder in the comics, along with things like Boy Wonderbread and Boy Virgin once when she was poking fun at him freaking out over her pregnancy. It's true in fics and it's true in canon: a lot of what people try to pass off as Steph being "snarky" or "quirky" is just her being flat-out mean, but never getting called out on it.

It's everywhere. And you're right that people don't realize it -- in fandom or the comics. She turned up in Damian's Robin book recently for exactly one line of dialogue and that line was a judgemental insult -- "Your weird, gross pizza is over there, Damian." She only has a grand total of three lines in the action portion of "The Elephant in the Room" and two out of those are just her insulting Tim (while the third one might as well be "Ooooo, what does THIS button do?"). Hell. half of the so-called "jokes" in Batgirls are just Steph being a catty, judgemental brat while the narrator goes "lol isn't she funny?"

And it's not even a recent thing. I haven't been able to make a post about this because I'm on a freelancing deadline IRL but someday I'm going to go on a massive rant about Jordanna Spence, the poor civilian girl inserted into Steph's supporting cast as Batgirl whose only narrative purpose is to provide one of The Other Girls for Steph to insult and bully constantly for the crime of wearing pink and being in a sorority. (And sometimes she's accidentally racist about it, which is...""fun"")

Steph will spend storyarcs hanging out with like, Damian or Kara or Klarion, and they're all treated like these Big Meaningful Bonding Experiences, but all Steph does the entire time is insult them and make judgemental comments about everything they say or do. And yet every single one ends the story thinking she's the greatest person who ever lived and lining up to suck her dick with everyone else in the comic.

It's honestly messed up, but here's the thing: it's absolutely not a Steph-exclusive issue. You know who else I've heard these exact criticisms leveled at? Bella Swan. And Hermione Granger, to a lesser extent only because she's the author self-insert but not the point-of-view character. That's part of why She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's adult novels are so much worse, because they are told from the PoV of the self-insert character and thus we're constantly barraged with her judgemental opinions about men, trans women, poor people, people with heavy accents, any woman who doesn't perform femininity to the author's exacting standards and, of course, fat people.

It's a symptom of the self-insert character, is I guess what I'm saying. Which of course means that it also gets applied to literally everyone else in the Batfamily on occasion too -- the boys and Bruce especially but also like, I'm sorry, I don't think Cass suddenly learning to curse and be casually mean is funny, I think it's a sign of lazy writing.

The difference being of course that the guys get written by a lot of different people, many of whom are interested in them as characters instead of just as vehicles to project themselves onto. Several others (especially in fandom) do just use them as vehicles (Damian hasn't been given to a good writer in over a decade and god knows Jason got more than his fair share of Very Special Boy treatment during the New 52), but it's not the only part in their canon.

Steph, though? Since the end of War Games forward, she's been nothing but a self-insert character designed for straight white women to project themselves onto. Which is sexist and sucks and obviously can't be called "the character's fault" or anything, but knowing all of that doesn't make her mean-spirited bullying any easier to put up with if you're not one of the people getting off on the power fantasy of being the bully.

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 83

Tights? Oh gods Sam, where are you going with THIS one? Ah ... yeah ... well, at least they got him a mike ... WHOA!!! Sam, what the hell are you doing to Marisha? Oh boy, he's getting so shrill ... and now he's passed out. At least we didn't have to see his arse ...

And now he's messing with Marisha again while she tries to do her plug ... Travis is doing an impressive job of maintaining a straight face this time.

Laura: "Speaking of March ..." Matt: "Yes, Laura?" Laura: "... speaking of MERCH ..."

Travis gets Sam in the crotch with a metal dice. Of course he does ... XD

Even though it's been SO LONG it's still too big of a cliffhanger I don't still remember EXACTLY what's going on right now ... oh boy ... finally we find out what's to come ...

Ruidus ... it's Ruidus ... they're on fucking RUIDUS ...

Oh shit ... are they still in the thick of it? Are they caught? Are they in deep shit right now?

No! No initiative! Please can we breathe first because it all kicks off?

Wait ... did Travis just land a massive lore drop? IS CHETNEY SCANLAN SHORTHALT'S DADDY?!!!

Oh yeah, I forgot about the possum ...

Crap ... they really AREN'T alone ... oh, this place is BIG ... this is NOT GOOD ...

Yeah ... put the possum in the bag! Suffocate it! Phew ...

Pass Without A Trace! Okay ... meanwhile Chetney's nose is instantly confused ... more Reilorans in the tent ... maybe do something?

The Thought Eater? Great ... and now one of the Juggernauts? Aaaaaaaah ...

Oh! Distraction! Do it, Laudna! Fool them Sith an illusion!

Crap ... time for Initiative, then ... great ... along with a Group Stealth Check? How does THAT work, then?

Orym holds to make an attack IF anything happens ... okay ...

Ashton, no longer Raging, ALSO holds his attack, taking Orym's lead.

No, I really don't think the bell is a GOOD thing.

Imog holds a spell ... what spell? Laura: "That's a good question ..." Ah ... oh, Lightning Bolt? Might be good ...

And now the bell is ringing ... great ...

Howls in the distance? Sam: "There's MOON WOLVES?!!!"

Laudna casts Darkness at the front of the tent ... cue arguments that this is a MAJOR giveaway ... snd it encompasses both Orym and Chetney ... ah ... Laudna grabs hold of Orym because she CAN see in this murk ...

A Nat1? Marisha, really? First major roll of the year ...

Just get to the fence! Get to the fence ... Chetney tries to guide the way ... and blunders right into the wall ... then holds Blood Curse of Binding? Can he fo that? Apparently so ...

Fearne bamfs Mister out, then runs into the Darkness and hits the wall right next to him, then holds Scorching Ray ...

Oh dear, they are most definitely rumbled now ...

The Reiloran totally just NOPED when he saw the Darkness ... LOL

Again with the Flat Earth ... XD ... Matt is annoyed ...

FCG uses the Staff of Dark Odyssey to jump himself make a hole in the wall before booking for it ... ending up IN THE DARKNESS ...

Orym feels his way to the hole, looks through with his ridiculous Perception ... safe enough, but probably not for long ... tries to be sneaky sneaky ... hmmm ... stealth check ... 232? Chetney: "That's my boy!"

Ashton grabs FCG mostly by luck, then follows Laudna's directions to the door ... now he's trying to just blend in ...

Imogen casts Invisibility on herself, finds the hole, goes through ...

The Thought Eater Psychic Slams some rocks into the Darkness ... CRAP!!!

Half damage to Chetney, full to Laudna, who BARELY holds onto her concentration ... Fearne takes full damage but ALSO maintains her concentration ...

Oh, so Mister's got LOTS of high points now? Cool ...

Laudna checks around, sees not but hears approaching trouble ... gets ready for whatever ...

Chetney goes through, joins FCG snd Ashton, then dashes to Orym ... and SOMEHOW manages to keep hidden as he does it ...

Lions ate in the SAVANNA, not the SAHARA!!! How did nobody else get that?

Fearne runs for Orym and almost knocks Imogen over ... whoops ... then crouches the best she can to avoid the Thought Eater's attention ... Fearne: "Don't perceive me!"

The Juggernaut's coming! Crap ...

There was ALREADY A DOOR?!!! SERIOUSLY?!!!

Oh crap ... what IS making the howling noise? They're mounts? Massive scaly panthers, no head, just a big gaping maw ... well that's just lovely ...

Maybe spotted? Crap ... FCG holds Banishment ...

Orym creeps up to a tent and gets ready to slash his way in IF it's necessary ...

Ashton RAGES and holds an attack, taking a big run to back up the others, somehow still managing to stay hidden ...

How they're pulling off the stealth is baffling ... oh wait, here we go, now what?

Imogen heads towards the tent too ... meanwhile Laura is AT A LOSS for what to fo next ... oh boy ... the casts Seething Storm on the Darkness as a distraction ... wow, that's ballsy ... but now she's visible again!

The Thought Eater chucks more rocks ... but FCG thwarts it! NICE!!! That's a miss ... znd now it's BLOCKING THEM FROM SIGHT?!!! Extra sweet ...

Laudna would not actually shit, instead she coughs up pellets. Apparently ... XD She runs to join the others and makes it unseen ...

Chetney scouts out ahead and again his unaccustomed nose fails him ... nuts ... more tents, it seems ...

Aha ... looks like the distraction IS working ...

Fearne keeps running ... oh no, maybe Thunderclap would NOT be a smart move right now ...

He's normal Chet in his head. He's DOING THE WOLF VOICE in his head. Chetney: "Just let me live my dream."

The Juggernaut's pulling a Here's Johnny ... then takes damage from the storm ...

Crap! Rumbled again! Can they bluff it?

FCG casts Command on the Reiloran ... Holy fuck, FCG has RIDICULOUS aptitude for Deception? Who knew? Like HOW, Samuel? O.O

Great, more bells ... now what can they do?

So what's the new plan? More stealth? Sneak out?

Sam sneezes SPECTACULARLY ... Taliesin: "Stop it!" Ashley: "What is HAPPENING with you?"

They're just gonna try a QUICK sneaky sneaky ... how's this gonna go? Roll good, guys! Sam: "It's not luck, it's FAITH, so it's okay." That was a pretty spectacular save, Samuel ...

They make it through well enough, it would seem ... just BARELY ... and then they're gone ...

Phew ... they find a supply tent and hide ...

Orym: "We need to queef out of here." O.O

Put the Telepathic Bond back up! Okay ... but also goodbye Banishment ... crap ...

Okay, time to become clouds. Fart on, guys!

Laudna checks the Treshi ball ... crap, Otohan's HERE somewhere!

They waft out in mist form, drifting up and over the camp ... crap, looks like this would be BAD in a storm ... hmmmm ... snd there are some rolling in? Nuts ...

Time for a break ... but ALSO time to LEVEL UP?!!! Awesome!

Okay, so what's Ashley gonna do? How cool is this gonna be? A 3rd in Rogue? ARCANE TRICKSTER?!!! That's pretty sweet ...

So ... floating up, up and away ... literally ...

Derailed by a belch ... XD

Oooooooh ... DOES anyone who's been here in the dreams recognise anything? Get rolling guys ... damn you, Ruidus dice!

Chetney's priapic virility helps him recognise his surroundings ... XD ... he knows where the city is! Okay ... let's GOOOOOOOO!!!

Looking for a place to shelter, then ... a mountain range? They MIGHT be able to get CLOSE before the storm hits. Or head for the city ... decisions decisions ...

City, then. Okay ... cue various fart cracks (ahem) ...

Making a beeline in that direction which comes close to the mountain range ... storm front coming head on ... hmmmmm ... Travis: "The Reynolds Pamphlet." Marisha: "It's been a while since we had a Hamilton reference." XD

They have a plan. A RISKY plan.

Sam's flask: "What's Robbie looking at? Wrong answers only." Oof ... Matt disapproves.

Incoming? We have Incoming!

13 big-arse buffalo with SIX LEGS EACH?!!! Hmmmm ... tons of horns too ... and they're going INTO the Storm? Hmmm again ...

Beast Sense? Could be fun ... or might be DISASTROUS ...

Best to just jeep going ... Fearne znd FCG are unconvinced and continue to investigate ... Animal Handling? Really?

They're weirdly cute, but VERY LARGE ...

Get back to the group, guys. You're heading RIGHT INTO A STORM right now ...

Laudna is now suggesting they hide UP THE BUTTS of the beasts as farts ... yeah ...

Reform and regroup in a cave for a short rest. Smart move, definitely ...

Not SUPER comfortable, but it'll serve, at least for now.

Good point ... WERE they followed? Orym has a look ... doesn't look like it.

"Be queefed." LOL ... They torture the DM for few minutes ... Matt: "The scy-ball's dark." Travis: "Like your heart."

Ah, so they're not the first to shelter here? Interesting ...

Matt (after accidentally making a gynaecological joke without realising it and being mercilessly ribbed): "My friends are dirty."

Grim Psychometry!

Wait ... are there fucking GRABOIDS on this moon? Seriously?

Imogen considers trying to sense the presence of Predathos ... oh boy ... instead decides to rest first ...

Short Rest, then ...

Pate! He's back! Nice ... meanwhile the possum ... "Dork the Ox"? Hmmmmm ...

So IS the possum dead? Is it s Reiloran again?

Imogen senses something ... something in the air ... some Ruidusborn connection to Fearne? Fascinating ...

Imogen: "We have a Bloody Bridge between us!" Fearne: "Wow!" Cue jokes about them being "in sync" ...

They have new feats? Cool ... oh, they really ARE connected now? THEY CAN SHARE IMOGEN'S SORCERY POINTS AND VICE VERSA?!!! That is awesome ... Fearne: "We're just settling into our ... bloody power." Snort ...

Of course, Laudna's not Ruidusborn. Laudna: "Maybe I'm Ruidus-Dead."

Oh shit ... this could also be exploited by OTHERS? Not so good ...

Imogen now attempts to connect to Predathos ...

It is AWARE OF HER PRESENCE ... great ... a WISDOM SAVE?!!! Seriously? Crap ... 14? Is that good or bad? Aaaaaaaah ...

Oh shit ... it's GOING INTO HER ... a network? Hmmmmm ... a choice? RESIST, Imogen! RESIST!!!

Another Wisdom Save ... 18? Is it working? Oh thank fuck ... her lightning marks actually FLARE for a moment ... oh, that can't be a good sign ...

That's right, it's NOT Imogen specifically, it's ALL OF THEM together ...

Wow ... way to make this REALLY HEAVY, Orym ... meanwhile Chetney's got a much more hopeful theory ...

Oh yeah, the GOOD Reilorans ... a Rebel Alliance, so to speak ... cool ... yeah, that's smart. Find them ...

She could actually SENSE where all the other Exaltants are? Cool ...

Travis: "Our orders are clear. Beat up Fearne until she levels up." Ashley: "Nothing's happening!"

The storm has passed! Yay!

Pate is wowed to discover they're on the Moon. And now he's excited that he's getting sent into the Bag of Holding to look for the Reiloran snd then report back. And here we go ...

No joy ... hmmmm ...

They try to pill the Reiloran out ... oh, it is VERY DEAD and they can't get it out ... so they dismember it to get it out ... Laudna has the time of her life and it's not at all surprising ...

Ooooh ... weaponry swag! Sweet ...

FCG baked apple fritters with FOUR TEMPORARY HIT POINTS EACH!!! Awwww ...

Re-queefed and once more they float off into the air to continue their journey. Night is now approaching! Hmmmm ...

A village? Fascinating ... a "moon ranch"? Fascinating ... oh, it's for those buffalo aardvark things. Cool.

Ashton wants to meet the locals. Smart, but best be careful about it ...

Whoa! New race! Intriguing!

Oh! So this village looks to be UNDER OCCUPATION by the Imperium ... now THAT'S interesting.

Ashton attempts to turn himself into a dust devil in order to disguise himself. It DOES NOT go well. It goes VERY BAD in fact. He genuinely embarrasses himself.

Night is now falling ... what is the plan?

Yeah! Sorcerers are max Charisma! Send in the Witches!

All right, they have a plan and some likely candidates in relatively safe isolation. Jumping in then. Two staying as clouds to keep watch.

A storage shed? Yep, best bet.

Somebody's coming ... and now they're rumbled ... Imogen: "Don't scream!"

Persuasion check! Nat20? For a total of 33? Wow, nice one, Laura!

Oh, they speak Common? Phew ... oh, so they're like s bigger, stockier version of the podlings in Dark Crystal? Cute ... :3

And that's it for tonight! Yeah, good place to call it for now. Just good to be back at last ...

[keyofradiance]

an analysis on yazs issues with connections, trust, and (possible) abandonment bc i cant stop thinking about it:

this was supposed to be just an analysis abt her in just one scene, but i am not normal so its way longer now

aka the yasmina fadoula is NOT good at relationships with people long post. its long as hell and less of a post and more of an ordeal. also i bolded the dialogue if its not by yaz. youre welcome to add on to the post, esp in the miscellaneous sections. spoilers for all seasons under the cut

yasmina fadoula is a bit of a loner. of course we dont get to really see this a lot beyond s1 as they bond a lot after that lol. but i would like outline two scenes in particular. weve seen this less than social expressed before in the season (the part where brook tries to film her comes to mind) but i would like to firstly mention the scene where sammy first tries to talk to her. when first mentioned in the episode, yaz is a distance away from the rest of the campers, drawing (this most likely just for plot reasons, but i find it interesting how shes with them but not hanging out. together but isolated). in this scene kenji also says she probably just wants to be alone. sometimes. the very next scene she continues the behavior of sitting close to where kenji/brooklynn/darius/ben hang out, but not interacting with them, instead trying to wipe down her book (note: she also is very clearly listening to the conversation in this scene). and this is when sammy comes in, with an absolutely unabashed offer of friendship, heart on her sleeve so to speak. and yaz just is caught off guard. when sam says “no one likes the shell. it stops people from getting to know you,” yaz responds with “bingo,” and thats what leads me to believe that human connection has hurt her before. shes not ready to let someone in, not ready to play with fire again. but, this conversation, the “im not giving up,” line we hear in s3, leaves the door open for more. maybe they could be acquaintances

now, in the episode, what we see is yaz not really being used to someone as boisterous as sammy, especially with sammy wanting to be friends so clearly. and with the likelihood of yaz probably not having friends, being with sammy would probably be like being at a party but with no quiet corner to sink into. but through some blunders and a bit of life threatening danger (par for the course in this show) and a speech that was Most Definitely Totally All For The Dinosaur, I Swear You Guys has yaz realize that she can trust sammy. and maybe its not easy, but its worth a shot. it maybe awkward and clumsy, but hey, shes only here for a bit, why not talk to someone. and maybe shes not really a hugger, but she can let it go

i also would like to note the reason yaz states for taking up drawing, “to kill time during track meets”. interesting. also one the drawings is of what we can assume is a t rex eating a person. now, if you remember, darius’s story at the beginning actually mentions a t rex. maybe its coincidence, maybe yaz was actually listening to the story all along.

but thats just with the other campers, how about the other people we see in the series? lets start with eddie. when we first see him and he shines the lamp on the camp fam, yaz actually takes up a fighting stance. she doesnt talk at all during the scene, or even take any cake. the closest we get to her and eddie talking is when she says “ow,” when she trips on bumpy while chasing him. ok, how about mitch, tiff, and hap? asks 1 question (“did you get stuck out here too?”) in the whole getting to camp part. ehh ok, but lets look beyond that, we are with them for several episodes after all. lets talk the breakfast scene. we get a whole other comment (“so many attacks,”) and its just in response to darius. ok, maybe the writers just didnt know what to really do with her. lets talk the scene where brooklynn sees hap being suspicious while everyone does something else. whats yaz doing? just chilling with sammy. not talking, even tho tiff is right there. ok i think my point here has been made lets skip to when we see mae for the first time, bc dr. wu isnt a really a stranger to her. on the journey over to her cave, we set a record for amount of lines yaz has in a persons intro scene: 3! yay! and then an additional one in the cave. wooo! the six months on a dinosaur infested island w/ only 5 other people helped her social skills. they arent perfect, but theyre definitely better, and she still sticks to her quieter tendencies.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep1 camp cretaceous, s1ep3 the cattle drive, s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s2ep4 salvation, s3ep6 the long run, and s4ep3 turning dr. turner.

————

yaz’s handling of (possible) abandonment by friends is um. something. i only have two examples though. firstly, lets talk about s3 and what makes yaz realize she could be abandoned after leaving the island. the scene with ben. “after we go home, its not like any of us will ever see each other again.” “sure we will!” “doubt it. were spread all over the country. factor in time, money, life. you get the idea.” and as kenji tells him off, yaz hangs back with a pensive expression, as the storm gets ready to roll in. i love symbolism. 

and so, we get into the real part id like to discuss. yaz’s conversation with sammy. in this we can see yaz’s doubts and fears come through as she tries to shut down their relationship, so that there is no pain of any abandonment or drifting apart, because if the bond was only made due to “running for [their] lives all the the time,” it wouldnt be something to be hurt over, right? and so, while she reinforces the fence around camp, she does the same for her heart. and sammy? sammy knows that this isnt really what either of them want, but shes not strong with her words. so what is there to really say, especially with someone who cant hear it right now.

but thats something that we see yaz initiate, thats on her own terms. how about something that is very much not on her terms, kenjis betrayal of the camp fam? how does yasmina, worlds normalest person about all things relationships react? she retroactively goes wow i should not have trusted him. as weve seen, this is pretty much par for the course, this distancing from people. but in this she also pushes down her own range of emotions, instead focusing about how she was stupid to have let this happen to her. like, shes the second last person to go when darius leaves to go try and figure out whats up with big and little eatie.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s3ep5 the eye of the storm, s5ep4 evasive action

————

^ core of the post

|

˅ some misc things 

————

yaz also does not do good with trust being broken. at all. girl CRASHES a car because she had found out sammy lied about a PHONE. (to be fair the whole day had been extremely tough, there was a “monster dinosaur” out there that had tried to eat them twice) and then when sammy comes out with the fact that shes here entirely to spy, well, she cannot handle it. and so, she uses the same distancing tactics as before, unable to accept the hurt. she denies that it could have been real at all, and rescinds the special permission of being allowed to touch her. and this is our first glimpse (timeline wise) into how bad yazs issues with relationships are. and yet, theres still more for these guys! we also get a scene w/ them after yaz hurts her ankle. i cant talk for a lot of it bc its sort of just the same stuff lol, but we do get and explicit mention yaz had considered them as friends until this point (and she does go back to doing so). which is pretty realistic in a character whos clearly had some rough experiences with connection like yaz has.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world

————

yaz takes the want to be useful to the people to a higher level then most people would. this causes her to be a bit impulsive at times when trying to help, doing things that could hurt her as well as not really thinking things through. lets start with what yaz herself has to say on it, “i dont give up” “im the track star. the person my coaches, my team, everybody relies on. but now... but now im not. and if im not strong anymore... what good am i?” and this really goes to show how truly well she fits the team player role, she truly embodies it to an unhealthy degree. and she wants to be reliable, to her new team (the camp fam), and that want to prove herself to this team, and if she cant use two of her biggest skills, how is she supposed to do this? and i think this is where her impulsivity stems from, this want to help the team. and so this is where the scene with the mosasaurus comes in. in this scene we get to see this reliability savior thing shes got going on backfire on her, as while, yes, she saves sammy and darius, the mosasaur also goes straight for her.    

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world, and s2ep2 the art of chill

————

yaz, i believe, shows two major outlets during the show, both of which she uses to connect with people; her art and exercising. soo, lets talk about her art first, and how she uses it. when yaz opens up to sammy for the first time, the way she does it is through showing and talking about her art, and we know its definitely something close to her heart through the way she absolutely deflates when she thinks sammy doesnt like them, and with the portrait of her mom we see in the nightmare sequence, it can be assumed that this is how yaz has been dealing with her homesickness. and when yaz realizes sammys having a hard time with the goodbyes n stuff she tries to help by giving her a drawing of all of them. and while this is a small detail, there is the scene where we get to see yaz draw for darius’ field guide, even taking criticism on the piece. not super huge, but as we know yaz can be pretty down on her own artistic abilities, so the moment is actually kinda big for her.

now, to touch on her exercising as an outlet. while we dont get to see it as much as her art, ironically enough. its probably because most of the running she does is for her life. firstly, id like to talk about the moment where she talks to darius about “sometimes [we] get so stuck in [our] head[s] that [we] cant see whats happening in front of [us],” so, to combat that, we have to do something to get out of our head, something fun. for yaz, thats exercising, as she tells darius. for darius, thats learning new dinosaur facts. (as he puts it, “very different definitions of fun,”). and, hey, maybe it isnt her thing, but hes the one this is for, so she can put it aside her own feelings on it and most of her snark (most of). 

lets talk about when we can see this actually happening in season 5. now, this is where i, yes, get to talk about yaz’s crush on sammy. round of applause. when we first get to hear about her crush, yaz doesnt want to act on it at all. now, we dont get it explicitly, but based on what ive talked about, id imagine she is still afraid of changes in her relationships, especially with territory as uncharted as a relationship, let alone one with another girl. but when she takes her own advice, gets out of her head, and really lets her think, because, yea, change could be scary, but if she had let that fear overpower her in the beginning, she wouldnt have this now. (something something “its not finding your perfect half. its the trying and reaching and failing. love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one. is this really the boldest stroke you can make?”) and so she is willing to share her feelings, even if sammy doesnt feel the same. and in both cases it does work out! yazs advice helps darius find the beacon, and her decision to tell sammy about her feelings actual has them ending up together. 

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep3 the cattle drive, s2ep1, a beacon of hope, s2ep3 the watering hole, s4ep1 beneath the surface, s4ep4 rude awakening, s5ep7 the leap, and s5ep9 the core.

other media referenced in this section:

the half of it, 2020, directed by Alice Wu.

————

some final thoughts/comments: i wrote this over 2 days w/ no editing. sorry if some sections are lackluster or whatnot. also based on my analysis i think yaz has adhd and autism because a lot of the stuff she does i do too, feel free to ask me about it btw. the quote from the half of it is only really tangentially related but its an absolutely amazing quote and movie. watch it. all the pictures are not mine. also i didnt really know what to say, but the scene where yaz, brook, kenji, and sammy are trying to make it to the boat is pretty interesting. ok post over

[isabelaghuber]

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[elephantcatdog]

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[wizzycore]

the thing about karamelle is that it tries to have 2 separate plots going on at once and it fails. the Cabal plotline (the disappearance of the Old One) and the Corporate plotline (the strikes and unions and propaganda and whatnot). The plots are so utterly disconnected. You can explain one without even mentioning the other. as a young author, i can tell you: that is BAD WRITING. Things need to connect. Plotlines must be weaved together like rope, not simply placed side by side like hay.

like, at least Zafaria's individual plot (finding the missing students) connects to the overall plot of Arc 2 (stopping morganthe), because Morganthe actively split the students up and kidnapped the Prince to recover something that'd aid her in her own goals. As you quest through the world you slowly discover how deep her influence runs, and slowly piece together her plot. It builds her as a villain, albeit only subtly.

oh yeah for sure like this is mad well written, (your ask i mean) i just really fucking hate zafaria because im a hater. im sorry to morganthe im just a little hater. idk something about fighting the elephant guy a billion times and also the weird way zafaria gets treated by the narrative (whitely) just makes me not like it.

see heres the thing i actually had a BETTER time there in zafaria than im having so far here. also thank you everybody for being very courteous about not spoiling the dip-end of karamelle for me! i appreciate u all very much for being careful.

anywho, you're exactly right! hell i didn't even think about how much the two plots do not mesh at all i was too busy burning with rage about the way yw was absolutely just jerked around thruout it so far.

OH, yeah, so! LOOOONG rant below. ill just cap it under a read below. here we go.

soooo MY personal gripe with the writing of karamelle so far is just....... it both assumes the player is extremely smart and extremely stupid -- things that have been explained by characters (example - GRETA) in one moment is immediately ignored for the next 20 quests because the story assumes you didn't read it, and makes the wizard look like a total idiot. but THEN, because we no longer have the anchor of a narrator (which, though it doesn't, in my heart makes this feel sooo much messier), we're left to try and divulge information from so many unreliable narrators, so often that we're left with genuinely Nothing to work with in EITHER plot. I *really* wanted to be a part of both plots! I gave them both such a chance! And the old one/cabal plot TRIES to be a faux-murder mystery, but it doesn't follow up on that because it drunkenly falls into the unionizing plot (i.e the frankly obnoxious half-truths that von trap seems obsessed with dropping before leaving) instead of delivering meanful information to the player!!!!!

there was one moment where i genuinely said, "okay, yw cannot be doing this, are we hypnotized right now?" and my friend said, "no, but i appreciate your leaps to try and make this make sense", and then seconds later we heard a piece of dialogue that genuinely made them think "no, maybe you're right". i just. god. this world seems like it had such good BONES, is the thing!

i think another place where this paradoxical player is smart/player is stupid blunder occurs is in actually just the delivery of the themes of the unionization plot. every post ive seen so far seems to talk about this the most LOL. like........ the themes could NOT be more hamfisted. its sort of as though they expected that the market they were writing for in arc 1 had to suddenly digest themes with a level of complexity that the audience for arc 3 was used to. except arc 1 writing was literally more complex than this.

ACTUALLY, i take that back. the writing in karamelle IS complex -- but i mean that INCREDIBLY derogatorily. the writing is complex because its convoluted, because we're handfed so many dead-ends and lies in the haste to try and MAKE the player understand that this is a propaganda driven society (DESPITE the fact that in the past "propaganda" such as the old one existing in the first place or, say, grandfather spider being real (stretch) were true) that the story just handwaves away from the INCREDIBLY obvious, child-media level of obvious, themes and tries to direct the player towards some bullshit they won't need 10 levels from then, just in an ATTEMPT at complexity.

not to stan empryea, but im going to compare really quickly to the nimbus section of empryea. nimbus has the same bones as karamelle does. two groups, both giving false information, interfering and fucking with the player at every moment. but from the MOMENT you enter nimbus you can feel somethings off (and, actually, we in my discord server were somewhat dissatisfied with how long it took to uncover what we had already figured out) (and secondly, it's less in your face than karamelle. good lord.) and the buildup is TANGIBLE. the discovery of clues as to what happened to sparck and his parents, what side people are truly on, and what their plans are, are CONSISTENT. they are SOMEWHAT SUBTLE. and they build up to something EMOTIONAL and IMPORTANT to the PLAYER (bat!! the chains!!). nimbus does, admittedly, do its share of thinking the player is stupid -- but it doesn't IMPEDE the story. the red herrings given are distracting but in a way that makes sense narratively.

AND!!!! the themes of the effects of militarism, the conflict between science and religion or magic, the themes of blood and what that means, they aren't as CRAMMED down the players throat. you are free to interpret the events, to understand them and what they mean underneath the setting, and most importantly to understand what they mean for the player!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUGHHH!!!! and the only time they fail at this is sacrificing complexity for comedy (niles) (but its funny so it gets a pass).

karamelle, i gotta say, takes all the minor flaws of the nimbus storyline and cranks them up to ten, and then adds a couple more on for good measure.

and (my last rant point) karamelle just. Isn't Enjoyable. Even if you look past all of the story blunders, even if you look past the age old "ah, the first world of any arc isn't necessarily going to be perfect", even if you look past the INCREDIBLY crammed in theme conveying.... karamelle isnt fun!!!!! the (as my dnd dm friend says) railroading is a constant frustration, the locations are dreary (purposeful, yes, but to push a point the audience ALREADY UNDERSTANDS!!!!!), and it feels as though you can take no action that counts whatsoever. your hand is dragged by von trap more than your hand has ever been dragged before. all of the folktale and fairytale references are simple headnods at most and never incorporated very much into the story, and the locations that are fun to look at you never stay in very long.

i understand that the story is meant to be heavy, but the khrysalis storyline is said to be the heaviest one ever executed, and yet you feel engaged and BOPPING to the storybeats all the way through. (well, if you can get through all of the quests.) (luckily, in a pure force of hyperfixation, i stayed engaged and boppin the whole time). and, i realize that this may be a reaction to what fans felt were what they liked least about, say, mellori -- the excessive comical relief. well, in karamelle, i feel as though they struggled to find a middle point. not just in comedy but in immersion, in creativity, and in the level of enjoyment the average player might have.

soooo. yeah.

[moxfirefly]

Yes I should be working on prompts (which I am) but this has been nagging me and I wanna write it out so enjoy. Here are some First Time™️ headcanons and how it might’ve gone down with a few realistic blunders here and there cause yes.

Needless to say nsfw under the cut

Leonardo

Ok so fearless himself first experience isn’t all the way of you catch my drift.

No seriously the first thing that happens for him is a blowjob which isn’t exactly how he expected his first sexual experience to go down like (was that a pun? wow)

Necessarily isn’t a bad thing, but let’s be clear Leo has that idea of the typical first time events, the candles, the ambience, all nervous touching etc

But then again Leo never expected to even get to experience having someone fall for him let alone want to be intimately involved with him

And it’s so out of the realms of how he dreamt or fantasized about it. Because his s/o catches him off guard.

It happens at Vern’s fancy af penthouse(all that Falcon money you telling me they ain’t hanging out there, he owes them lol)

But yeah it’s one of those get together nights, the gangs there with Ape and Casey. Musics playing, Casey set up beer pong, everyone is so engrossed in the game that when Leo slips out to find the bathroom he’s a little startled when you grab him and gesture him to be quiet

He’s even more startled when you get into the bathroom with him and kiss him like you haven’t seen in weeks.

It’s somewhat subtle cause you’re gonna run your hands down that plastron and admire how broad and strong he is and Leo absolutely eats that shit up he LOVES when you admire him and compliment his strength and hell even his looks

Leo’s brain becomes white noise when you get on your knees though and your hands reach the hem of his pants and there’s several heartbeats where you wait for him to say ‘keep going’ and all Leo can do is just nod, grip the sink behind him as a shyness takes over him when he feels his pants slide down

There amongst the music and group banter just a few feet away hes in some fancy bathroom with his s/o on their knees engulfing him and gripping him and honestly Leo’s meditation skills go out the window.

It’s not that long of an experience honestly and Leo is embarrassed that he couldn’t hold out a little longer, he’s also worried he didn’t warn you in time that he was about cum but you seem to handle the situation with grace and give him a smile even as you cough slightly. It really makes him flushed cause you look so beautiful right then and there and the two of you start giggling and laughing cause it just such a left field situation. It catches him even more off guard when you pull him down for a kiss and that intermingle taste of himself and your mouth hooks him.

Donatello

Listen I’m gonna catch flack maybe for this but Don’s the first out of his brothers who actually goes all the way with his s/o like fully

And it happens in the truck and it’s so unplanned because neither him or you expected the drive to end like this.

It’s a midnight roadtrip that takes the two of you through the more rural side of NY. This is Donnie’s way of clearing his head m, he loves driving so when he adds you to the equation it’s even more perfect.

The trucks been parked for a bit now and it’s not uncommon for y’all to makeout and be all lovey with one another

But on this particular night, the powers that be have you right on Donnie’s lap and that sweet makeout has turned a little more scandalous than usual.

Donnie’s no even sure to this day how it escalated to the degree of pants being pushed down and underwear disappearing but it happens and soon enough with each other’s consent to progress he’s inside of you and your running the show cause he’s terrified he’ll mess up or cum way too fast.

Surprisingly enough it goes really well, With minimal to no hiccups, the most being Donnie rubbing a little too hard on your sensitive nub/tip. He manages to last a decent amount of time (probably doing complex equations in his head to distract himself)

The aftermath is a little awkward although you’re both all shy smiles with “was that good?” “Did you like it?” etc and Donnie is gonna have to sneak his way into the bathroom once he’s home cause there’s a mess of stains on his pants.

Michelangelo

Also unplanned, more so literally an accident

It’s not the full experience of going all the way

Cause Mikey and you are hooked on kissing and pawing but it never truly escalated further than that

Until today of course

It’s the usual heated makeout session but your both on his bed, there’s music playing and the two of you progressively get bolder

The best way to describe it is basically dry humping. Dont tell me that wouldn’t be the way it goes down with him.

He feels you grind against him as the two of your feverishly kiss and Mikey’s already feeling a little too hard. Almost unvonsciously you both rub against one another, each grind and grip and kiss making the two of your too warm. Before you know it your both pressing your forheads together, thrusting against one another.

The first time you hear Mikey moan makes you moan right back against him, that alone causes his hips to stutter. It’s his ‘ohmygod’ that you basically swallow that makes you grip him so close to you, the trembling of your body as you muffle a long moan against his lips and Mikey cums, hard, in his shorts to the feel of your shaking figure shooting all that delicious oxytocin all over your body

You’re both so hazy and weightless when you come down from it. Mikey’s sheepish but tired smile so adorable, you two can’t seem to find a reason to disentangle from one another

Raphael

Raph is actually super Nervous™️ because he’s got a pretty big idea that things are gonna get heated cause you’ve been pretty vocal about it

But alas this boy has got some major body issues (they all do but it do be hitting him hard when he with you) cause you’re so perfect and pretty and he doesn’t want to harm a hair o your head

And for a huge FLIRT™️ he does get all shook up about not being able to deliver the goods, but alas you are there to encourage reaffirm and gas the shit out of him.

So naturally you make the first move and trust me he is so happy you did cause he was gonna pass out.

It goes down while he’s at your place and y’all watching a movie and for the past half hour you’ve been making cartography on his thigh and Raph honestly can’t even explain the first five minutes of this movie because he’s been on cloud nine since you started

You snuggle up closer to his massive frame and when you explore his inner thigh and press your lips to his neck, Raph is sure that he’s going to combust. You linger at the hem of his shorts and ask him if you can and Raph is embarrassed with how quickly he nods.

Raph seriously doesn’t understand how a simple movement like that (which he himself had done countless times) is just ten times hotter when it’s you. The softness of your hand gripping his already hard member and the way you bite your lip at the sensation of how thick he is

Raph sighs against your temple, he gets such a head rush with the first few strokes. Pride flows through him when he feels you struggle to jack him off one handed. But that quickly melts into shyness when you push his shorts down enough for you to be able to wrap another hand around his thick member.

There isn’t much of a hiccup, mostly that Raph barely makes a coherent sentence enough to warn you that he’s cumin, so there’s a mess and you know there’s no way your gonna get those stains off your couch.

He almost gets hard again when he catches you licking your fingers, giving him a look that puts him out of this realm of existence

[incarnateirony]

So Jared's social media is slipping. Lol jackles says that doesn't matter because the industry only relies on q scores. Those seem to be a private survey so you dont see the result. He does have some data for 5 years ago which he says shows jared is higher. Would that still be the case and can you explain how much wait is given to social media now?

lmao "the industry only uses Q Scores" is something that lot has been yodeling for years because back in 2016 Jared made the list once. It *was* an industry standard for about 50 years. Just like box TVs were an industry standard for decades. Things change.

Hell every study (twice a year, which is extremely delayed in this fast paced modern environment) things change in Q Scores the same as they do with, say, imdb star meter. Which has about the same level of depth and costs a company like 14 bucks a month, not hundreds of dollars to be told who's grandma recognizes who. But then you can pay for a CUSTOM Q score! And CUSTOM testing!

Around 2016 they started trying to modernize to include digital celebrities, but it actually revealed problems in the testing method since it's basically door to door census bullshit that misses a lot of demographics.

Marketing Evaluations/TVQ, Inc runs it. They want really, really badly to market that they are, in fact, important. But you'll find very few modern articles about it being discussed by anyone relevant because other systems have stepped up. So for example, marketers look to Hollywood-Madison Avenue group, which not only tracks their fame, but everything from interests, to major blunders.

TVQ is literally 12 people in a trenchcoat pulling an extra 770K a year by convincing people to buy their garbage. Given, this is small change for marketing, and has been in major decline in recent years, with their website still rotting with major 2005 aesthetic for a reason.

People have become increasingly aware of it being really flawed to just knock on the doors of 1000 people, ask if they recognize or like a name, and move on. This is WHY there's been no major buzz since they TRIED to make themselves seem relevant still in 2016. Many companies have started realizing that rather than paying hundreds, or thousands of dollars for information that gives a vague idea, they can assign their own in house marketing brains that they already pay hourly anyway to take a few hours, pull numbers from socials, google, imdb and more. If they want deeper information, more have started leaning to Hollywood-Madison Avenue Group, which will not just give you popularity ratings but like I said--interests and blunders. Need a warning sign someone's into Scientology? Or has frequent hissyfits and meltdowns? H-MAG gives you that.

I cannot emphasize enough-- lol-jackles has clarified before, they are, and I quote, a failed "pre-successful actor." This means they literally tried to get into media, tried to become an actor, and couldn't cut it. They frequently use the "I was in the industry!!" as a song and verse acting like it makes them special, but like. You might as well pretend any person that grabs extra gigs posted at $50/gig to be in a background frame in a few movies is now an insider that understands all of the inner workings of shit.

Like *shit*, I almost had my own *show* at one point I had to cancel development on and even *I* recognize I don't know *everything.* I've worked in every branch of media at some capacity or level, and, hell, I'm literally signed into a contract right now with a small production, though the meat of my work won't really begin for a few years with them. Lol-jackles' experience is... failing to act guud or be noticed.

Lots of shit was "industry standard" for years. Broadcast TV. Box TV. Ratings above 1.0 lmao. Shit changes. For 50 years we didn't have streaming, much less moving for it to replace classic broadcasting as internet expands. Doubling down on a take from a 7 year old report from an agency that was trying to convince people to still Buy Their Stuff, when you don't even have more modern information because you also refuse to Buy Their Stuff and dare to see if he's still on there and where, without asking what the MODERN standards have become. That's peak comedy.

Q scores were industry standard for 50 years, because for 50 years, the internet wasn't widely available, as powerful or full of accessible information as it is now. They used to HAVE to pay people to do that census knocking. Now, people's own browsing history tells on themselves.

And frankly, I don't buy the "well they're fandom so they can't afford to buy access". Bitch that lane spends thousands on cons every week, spent 5K on the shitty scripts we paid like 25 for. They throw money around like toilet paper on halloween. If they really wanted, and TRUSTED Jared to still place well *even on Q Scores*, they'd get a copy NOW to prove it. But they don't. Cuz they're scared. They have this one dated point and they're just gonna wave it around and pretend it still matters. When, flawed as they are modernly, there's a reason Q Scores retested twice a year. Because shit changes, guys. It's not 2016, I hate to break it to you. But I think they know that. Which is why they'll never buy the report or at least never post it. I wouldn't be surprised if one bought it, was crushed Jared dropped/disappeared, and then just pretended it never happened.

Jared was still. like. relevant and popular in 2016. It's post 2017 his downtilt started and then post-finale that it went into the toilet.

It's 2022 guys.

Over 90% (90.8) of americans have internet access, with the bulk not included there mostly being really old people, and the occasional super rare people that like live in the appalachians without shoes or whatever. Even most kids have the internet. The US has a population of 329.5M people and 313M of them have internet, only 16.5M don't, mostly infants and cryptid liches that refuse to touch a computer.

In 2016 it was a different story, with only 97M households with internet access. And less the handful of years before that. As you can see we've almost doubled households much less individual users in those 6 years. Since 2005, internet home penetration has increased from just above 50% to above 90%. So what was totes important in marketing during the 1970s before the internet even existed just isn't the same in the 2020s.

This is, even to the common eye, far better to pull data from than knocking on 1000 doors. Especially since the internet lets you also check international appeal as well, which knocking on US doors doesn't. Sorry.

The reason nobody talks about Q Scores anymore is because despite their valiant 2016 effort to revive themselves, they're still pretty obsolete. When a marketing agency is pulling less than 64K per employee BEFORE costs, there's a fucking issue. They literally just exist to prey on the companies run by people too old to understand how to change or modernize.

[r0zez-in-bl00m]

~ 𝓒𝓻𝓾𝓮𝓵 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓭 ~

Looking more like a boy

🍎 Epel x fem!reader (fluff) WORD COUNT : : 1.5k

Description- Epel loves his beloved very much, even though they look more manly than him. But what happens when he tries to become more manly himself?

Epel loved (y/n) more than anything he ever had loved before, not only him but his lover knew that too. The whole Pomefiore dorm did, Vil was very happy to see them together though he would comment on one flaw every time this topic was brought up in his presence.

 Only one thing's wrong in their wild relationship, is the perplexity of finding out which one of them is a boy or a girl. God, (y/n) always had to assure him that not to get so overboard on these pathetic matters, but that guy wouldn't have it. Epel gets so angry when someone confuses him with a girl while he's somewhat embarrassed that his girlfriend was so strongly built.

 Even Mr. Vargas sometimes gave an example of her to teach the students to build muscles, Vargas rarely compliments someone else other than his egocentric self on the concept of muscles. But (y/n) begs to differ on that matter. "Mr. Vargas is more female following, I guess." 

 Insecurity is highly available in the love market. Epel dragged, literally dragged, away (y/n) when some delinquent/ jock randomly flipped his arm on her during Magift practice. Be prepared for a long lecture in a very cute voice by the little apple, pun intended. Expecting a change in accent when he started talking was crucial. 

 "Why?! Out of all people . . ." "Ain't I enough for ya?! You don't like me because I ain't muscular?"

 Then there were coddling moments, (y/n) crushed Epel into a hug," God, my idiot boyfriend . . . if I liked muscular guys would I go out with you in the first place?"

 The girl teased him a lot though for his switch in accent. "You sound like a little lion sometimes. . . Kingscholar would be jealous." The apple boy blushed a lot with (y/n) whispering in his ear or touching his face.

 To match her girlfriend in every way Epel tries a little too much than expected.

 One day while experimenting in the laboratory along with Jack Howl for their assessment Epel was multi-tasking with another book hidden under his desk and reading the book which was based on magical pharmaceuticals for the second-year level.

 By chance, Jack spotted the book and scolded him for cheating. Immediately Epel got a switch in his persona and was bomb-barding over the 192cm wolf with his southern comments while spilling his beans at the moment. 

 "You're trying to make a potion that will make you more muscular?" Jack muttered in disbelief, he couldn't fathom at first that why would a cute Pomefiore require such a potion in the first place.

 Epel, being Epel, switched to his regular façade in an instant and was stammering like mad as a hatter. "Oh, !-! I-it's just . . . so t-that I can look a b-bit . . . more masculine... f-for her." It wasn't hidden from anyone that (y/n) (l/n) and Epel were dating but Jack never expected him to go this far to read and understand a high-level medicine book. Jack merely scratched his head, confused about what to say next, "I think Vil-Senpai once told me that taking a body development potion can cause a lot of strain to the body as well as the mind. . ." Epel had his head down, pressed against the desk, "I know that! It's just it's kinda weird that (y/n) looks more like a man than me." 

 Feeling like a good puppy that Jack is he decided to help Epel with the potion considering that it was of vast complexity (and we know that our Tsundere puppy would never admit that he is doing this by heart lol).

    All afternoon Jack and Epel spent their time researching and putting all sorts of herbs and potions into the cauldron. "Epel, focus closely on how the color changes. We don't want to create trouble for ourselves." Jack instructed while putting another herb as designated in the book. Epel nodded," Understood."

 Slowly the color started to fade into a vicious color of red, thick and rich. Jack and Epel both peered down to take a closer look. As the book said it would be welcoming at first glance yet the trick of the potion was to figure out which part was truthful. It hadn't yet been figured out that when was it best to consume the potion. Many theories were concocted for its usage; 'drink it when it turns out a bit bluish', 'it'll smell like rotten eggs at first,' 'don't drink if it's still milk-white,' such and such. 

 "How will we figure out that the potion is drinkable yet-"Jack said, he turned his head only to be at the verge of losing it. Epel was already gorging on the drink, the liquid falling on the floor at each gulp. "E-Epel?! What are you d-doing?" But by then it was already too late. 

 The potion was all gone and all was left was to see if their hard work bore any fruit. Laughter broke out a minute later. "Jack!! I can feel the power surging in me . . . . God, it's amazing!" Jack was baffled, then knowing that everything was alright smirked a little at their success. But then something struck him, Isn't potion supposed to make him taller? Then why is he shrinking... 

 His realization was as late as ever. A poof of purple smoke surrounded Epel and within the blink of an eye . . . vóila! The apple had turned into a cat; A pretty cute one to be exact.

 His eyes were big with their same blue irises and were staring adoringly/in confusion at Jack. "Meow?" Jack took it as 'what the hell happened?' As much as he wanted to lecture Epel the Cat, he couldn't. Stan cuteness.

 Jack cursed the time he decided to be a good puppy and help Epel out, now he was in big trouble than anyone could anticipate. The terrifying image of (y/n) wrathful face started to haunt him, he was sure that Epel had the same thoughts. With swift arms Epel was under Jack's protection, they both headed towards the hall of mirrors to the Pomefiore dorm.

 But but but . . . the goddess of fate had taken a little vacation. In their hurried state they were spotted by the person they both least wanted to see right now.

 "Hey, Jack!!!" 

 "Goddamn it!!" Jack muttered angrily, this couldn't have been the worst time to be killed right now. (y/n) approached him at an unprecedented speed Jack could've reciprocated. He was done for. "What up bro—oh who's this?" (y/n) gazed at Epel with the same affection she would give him when he, you know, is not busy as a cat.

 The girl patted the cat's head, "Is this your pet, Jack?" (y/n) asked. His face flushed red at that question alone, so did Epel's, but in this case, it was his snout. "Uh . . . no . . . (y/n). It's not my pet. . ." Jack stammered, and hard. That day was no good for him. "It's not yours? Then maybe Ruggie's? I've seen him quite getting along with Lucius," the never-ending string of cat-related questions continued with Jack stammering like a fool and Epel losing his shit.

 Finally, in anger, he leaped in (y/n)'s arms. The girl was taken back a bit but materialized because of Epel's soft purring. "It's strange. . . Epel does the same when he's having a rough time. Burying his face in my arms then falling asleep," (y/n) laughed. "Which reminds me . . . have you seen him anywhere?"

 Be prepared to see a dying Jack any minute. 

 A guy, then, approached the group in a hurry, "(y/n)! Vice prez of Octavinelle is looking for you." 

While being dragged away (y/n) called out to tell her if he gets to know anything about Epel do let her know. God bless the anonymous dude who unintentionally saved Jack Howl from being slaughtered. Epel looked relieved too, that and a little triumphant purr.

 Then their venture towards Pomefiore continued. Upon reaching everyone in that glittering dorm showered Epel the Cat with love which was already less required but was, later on, were saved by Vil Schoenheit.

 Jack ushered Vil into a corner with Epel still secured in his arms and narrated the story from top to bottom.

 "YOU WHAT?!" Nobody could understand why their simply composed dorm leader lost his cool all of a sudden.

 Vil already made plans to clear out his afternoon to lecture Jack and Epel thoroughly tomorrow for causing this blunder, but Epel Felmier had to be saved. That night Jack again spent his entire time looking through the potions book with Vil brewing the antidote. Never in his life, Jack went through so much Alchemy and he swore that whatever happened next he wouldn't touch a single Alchemy book (unless it's a test then we can't sue the wolf).

 But one thing was final that he was going to do something lurid to Epel as soon as he gets back to normal, or he isn't Savnnaclaw.

 ---------------------------------------

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK DYNAMICS: JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

PREFACE

In my previous post, I shared my thoughts on what I think is Jikook's love language, specifically Jungkook's; and how in my estimation Jimin is the only member within BTS that speaks it, comes close to speaking it and most importantly makes the effort to speak it.

In this post, I attempt to outline what I think is Jimin's love language and show the various ways I feel JK speaks it or comes close to speaking it more so than the others in BTS.

Now I have to state for the record that I do not know or purport to know Jimin or Jungkook or any of these members herein mentioned in any way special and personal other than through the content we all consume on them.

Nor do I intend to be malicious or disrespectful towards them with this post, to intend to strip away their individuality for the sake of shipping symmetry.

Thus, I reiterate, everything I express in here is my thoughts, my observations and my opinion and I pray you treat it as such.

Let the records show, also that, I will bug spray any fake woke wannabe edgy shipper with a Tuktukker complex that takes my words out of context, misconstrue it to suit their own agenda and then turn around to call me out for it. In the name of Jesus, I will avada kedabra your ass. Seriously.

JIMIN

I've always been fascinated by Jimin. By the person he is. And although I do not have a comprehensive understanding of this man's inner workings, he's got to be the most complex and frankly interesting character I've come across in all my shipping years.

His duality is confusing and coupled with his Libra energy, his character and personality can be and is quite often misconstrued and misinterpreted within the shipping community.

He is friendly, cute, funny, beautiful and ship compatible with anyone.

Very often, I find, most people cannot tell his personality from his idol self slash persona or even his love language from his affectionate nature; thus resulting in these bizzare fallacies and ridiculous assumptions about him such as: he is a flirt, hoe, clingy, homewrecker, attention seeker and a plethora of slurs and sobriquet that's defamatory and slanderous at best- its ridiculous.

I get that not everyone likes him and as such wouldn't hesitate to filter his words and actions through arbitrary metrics to arrive at conclusions that profits them and does nothing but help them make sense of their hate- Y'all don't love yourselves enough.

Not to say he is my bias therefore he is perfect. That would be a blunder. He has his shortcomings, he is human after all. What I'm saying is most people don't get him and as such read him wrong?

What's more discombobulating, is the stan who swears up and down they know Jimin well enough but don't see him treating JK any different from the rest of the boys in BTS therefore Jikook isn't real- insert shook pikachu face.

Then there are those stans with genuine shipping concerns about the love dynamics between the two:

Those that feel JM gives more to JK than he receives back. That he is more supportive of JK than JK is of him. Very often, these people would bring up the issue of JK not promoting Promise when it first came out as evidence of this- it's been years let it go.

JK not being as vocal and open about his feelings and interest in JM the way Jimin is and has been about JK is also another area of concern for these stans. If you try to explain to them its because JK is/was shy they will kick- your- ass. Hell, I will kick your ass too. I'll explain later.

Some people also- I know I have at one point- have described JK's interest in and descriptions of JM as a bit shallow and vain compared to how the other members speak of Jimin.

To them, the other members usually talk about how smart and intelligent JM is, how kind and nurturing he is. How much of himself he gives to them. That the way the members talk about Jimin often helps give us a glimpse into the real Park Jimin as distinct from the persona we see on the screens.

But then there is JK: JM hyung is sexy. He has pretty eyes. 'I want you.' Then he proceeds to drool over the Jibooty, squeeze them legs shut tight while struggling to sit through a Jimin solo dance without popping boners left right left around Jimin- Bless him.

I mean, dude nearly snapped his neck trying to catch a glimpse of the Ji-abs in the middle of a performance? Damn.

To be fair, the other members don't talk like this about Jimin and sexualise Jimin as often as JK does because, they don't want to screw Jimin's brains out? Cough, cough. Hashtag save Jimin from JK. Lol

If JK is sexually attracted to Jimin, how else do you expect him to express that? Never mind that he's done some of these things subconsciously at times. You know what...

Y'all need to give this man a break!

[RANT]

He was a hormonal teen- he is still relatively pretty young. It's ridiculous to expect and demand such high level of maturity from a 16/17 year old experiencing a nonplatonic love for the first time in his life and more so in an unforgiving and invasive environment such as that in which he found himself.

Jk and Jimin found each other before they found themselves and it's unreasonable to think that that didn't have a toll on their relationship dynamics. They are human.

They are each growing and maturing at different paces. Their relationship has suffered through its growing pains; Certainly, one person is going to appear lacking in one or two areas in one way shape or form and at any given point in their love journey. That doesn't make them less real.

Again, their careers and the pursuit of it haven't exactly given them the space, time or normalcy to explore what they are and who they are in a functional way, in my opinion.

Everything is moving fast in their world, everything is highly exaggerated and highly scrutinized. Kpop is not exactly a healthy space to foster a healthy relationship and it would be a miracle if any of them should come out unscathed.

Neither one of them went searching for this love thingy nor were they even experienced enough to look at their relationship beyond the convenience of it and the excitement of it- The orgasms were enough reason for them, I think.

I get uncomfortable when some Jikookers, out of good intentions, claim Jikook knew what they were doing, should have known therefore could have known the consequences of them coupling up in a group like BTS before entering into their relationship- let me stop you right there!

While this assumption may seem like a compliment to them it also perpetuates the adultification of early days Jikook which I find disturbing.

They were teens not grown adults when they fell in love. We can't expect and demand such level of maturity from them at that age as cool as that would have made them.

They don't need to be cool to be real. They don't need to be mature to be real.

Jikook is real regardless of whether they were thoughtful or not thoughtful about the consequences of them choosing to date in a group setting, or a homophobic society at the onset of their relationship.

It's ridiculous to dismiss what they are now on the grounds that S.K is a homophobic society or that dating a coworker is not inconsequential.

People date their coworkers all the time and there are gay couples in S.K.

Jikook were too young to comprehend the consequences of dating because which teen worries about all of that before popping one off for the lord? On which planet, sir/ma'am??Were they thinking with their 'ducks?' I believe so. But again, that doesn't make them any less real.

From what I can tell anyway, 2018 was the year Jikook had anything resembling a serious thoughtful contemplation of the status of their relationship- Well, 2018 and this later half of 2020 as some of you might have already noticed. More on this later.

But yes, this adultification of early days Jikook is absurd and needs to stop. And what's equally disturbing is the infantilization of the adult day Jikook- you can't expect Jikook dynamics to remain the same throughout the years. That's bizzare.

Don't expect them to be their same jeonlous, Jimlous, possessive selves. They are growing. They are evolving as individuals and as a pair.

I side eye the fuck out of these fake woke shippers and 'grown ups' who filter Jikook interactions through adult lens and tag moments like Jimlous and Jeonlous as toxic and unhealthy without taking into context where they were at in their love journey or even their age. What y'all think this is? Fiction? Get the fuck outta here.

Jikook have had to learn and grow on the Job and around their job and learn to love eachother under the scrutiny of severe cameras and weird Ahjummas. Leave them the fuck alone or I swear I will petrify your ass for an entire comeback season. Lol

[Rant over]

All that being said, I get it. The way JK talks about Jimin isn't exactly special or unique from the way the other's speak about Jimin. But it isn't exactly superficial either...

And yes, it's quite unsettling that he doesn't describe Jimin in a way that gives meaningful insight into Jimin's personality as distinct from the others', given as he has exclusive access to Jimin more so than any of the members- we have a lot to unpack today, don't we?

Then on the other hand, there are those who think the exact opposite and see JK as the one who gives more to their relationship. That JK takes their relationship more seriously than Jimin does. They see Jimin as a bit wishy-washy when it comes to his commitment to their relationship- this breaks my heart.

Often, such people will cite Jimin's flirty nature, his lack of boundaries with others amongst other things, to prove their point...

Grab a seat, this discussion is going to be a long one. Smiley face.

JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

Jimin first got on my alt-ship radar in Rookie King when he was given an opportunity to air any and all of his grievances accumulated over the years against any member or staff of BigHit but instead chose to use that opportunity to talk about JK and how JK's actions had been hurting him.

Prior to this, he was just my bias and I would casually ship him with Suga, V, RM and basically all the members- except JK. I just couldn't ship JK with anyone.

Back then, I had a vague sense of JM's personality but felt I knew enough about him to theorize on his love language and JK was the last person I thought of as capable of meeting those emotional needs of Jimin's.

Rookie King changed my mind.

Jimin wasn't just trying to squash his differences with JK, he was trying to get closer to him. To get emotionally intimate with him- this is one of the things that sparked my interest in their dynamics.

Because it wasn't as if they weren't close. They were. They had a skinship between them. Skinship, or lack of physical boundaries as I like to call it, is one of the means through which BTS achieve intimacy amongst them.

Jikook had that between them at the time, they went everywhere together, woke each other up- they were close.

Yet Jimin felt they weren't close enough. That there was a wall between them. Now, I see a lot of people misinterpret this period in the Jikook timeline as that Jimin was crushing hard on JK. He wasn't. In my opinion.

You see, Jimin was the last person to Join the band. This was bound to have an effect on his relationship dynamics with the rest of the members as he had missed out on two years worth of emotional connection and camaraderie with them.

He had had only one year to bond and get to know the others away from the cameras and in a way that could help him develop a sense of belongingness within the group.

Within this one year, he had school, voice training, and other activities that possibly got in the way of him truly building an intimate connection with the others.

He is the only member out of the seven whose intimacy journey got captured on camera. He had to foster a connection with the others with the cameras around.

But building a connection with people even in a platonic sense is quite an intimate and private process. It takes vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to submit and subject oneself to varying degrees of humiliation, a sacrifice of the self, ego and pride in a way that just strips you naked- metaphorically speaking.

And in Jimin's case, he had to go through this stage and process openly and with the cameras around- the second hand embarrassment I get from watching early days Park Jimin!

He literally had to be the clown of the group, the hufflepuff, the clingy one, the flirty one, the one with the abs, the loud and chatty one as well as all the tasteless epithets people now weaponize against him.

I believe, all he was trying to do at this stage was breach the barriers he felt existed between him and the others as the newcomer of the group so he didn't feel like an outsider.

That is his first love language- the need to belong. He has a strong desire to feel connected with people. He cares about people and connection. He's reiterated this throughout the years and even more loudly in the recent Japan interviews.

He wanted to be part of BTS both physically and emotionally. He wanted to fit in, to belong with them, to be accepted and viewed as one of the boys- BTS.

You could see this in the way he had adopted the mannerisms of the group- the skinship, the love language of the group if you will.

It is why when Suga complained about him not liking him as much, Jimin immediately drew closer to him and wrapped his hands around him, initiating skinship between them to show he liked him.

Jimin tried to speak the groups love language so he could bond with them but he also began to infuse his own love language.

If you've seen his relationship with his father you'd understand that Jimin expresses his love through giving, nurturing etc. It is how his primary care givers showed him love and so how he also shows and conveys his love.

The members have talked about how he would encourage them to talk, to open up, how he would listen to them, be there for them and give them gifts- the birthday gift exchange culture in BTS didn't exist until Jimin arrived in BTS.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin has a distinct way of showing love that is unique from how everyone else in the group expresses their love. That, there is also an established love parlance within BTS that everyone speaks and that is skinship.

So when Jimin does skinship with any member he is not acting 'clingy' he is just speaking the love language that the group understands. But when Jimin nurtures and acts supportive and what not, he is speaking his own unique love language.

Now I have talked extensively about how Jimin expresses his in my last post so I will be focusing mainly on how he receives loves or what gestures he interprets as love.

And since there is a general consensus that VMin have an emotional connection, I will be referencing their relationship a lot for comparisons sake.

Tae is the only member Jimin got to spend the most time with around predebut without the intrusion of the cameras. This i feel allowed Tae room to strip back and be fully vulnerable with Jimin without reservation as is required of intimacy- which was not the case for Jikook hence JK shying away from interacting with JM in front of the cameras.

Jikook wasn't accorded the luxury of privacy VMin had to build their bond. Jikook had to build their bond with the camera's trailing them. How many times have we seen JK give death stares to the camera people for invading his me time with Jimin?

Not to be psychoanalytic but I feel, this is what induced the exhibitionist tendencies we see in them- or perhaps I'm wrong and this is just them being extra. Bless them.

Within the one year JM was trying to connect with JK through skinship, JK was also only coming around to understanding what skinship meant to him. They were evolving at different paces.

JK has the most walls in BTS. He wasn't just physically closed off to skinship in the early days forcing Tae to strip him naked in the bathroom, he was emotionally closed off too.

He is still pretty much emotionally closed off- he likes to put up walls. He had his own room at the dorm, does his own laundry, barely keeps in touch with the others or pick up the damn phone when they call etc.

Jk barely partakes in the group's established way of life except for perhaps the skinship. In my opinion.

It took JK a while to understand this culture of skinship though. And the members, all of them, had to push his boundaries further back in order to connect with him.

For instance, Jin pinching his nipples to wake him up, Tae doing- well, all of it. Go watch Taekook sexual tension edits, I dare you. You'll understand.

These members had three years off camera with JK to build a connection with him and even they were met with some resistance from JK.

All Jimin had was a year with JK. I feel Jimin lowkey coveted what the others had with JK and perhaps wanted to have that with him too. Why? Because of his need to belong and connect with people. Watching JK's dynamics with the others probably made him feel left out.

I also understand how this could have been overwhelming for young JK who was having both his physical boundaries and emotional boundaries breached at the same time by this person whom he he'd known for only a year.

That's just one of the major differences between Jikook and Taekook: while Tae was busy breaching the physical walls between him and JK, Jimin was attempting emotional heist on him. Bravo Jimin, Bravo.

So do I think at this point in 2013 that Jikook were falling in love or had fallen in love? NO. But what I took from that moment was that Jimin wanted and needed to feel a sense of belongingness with JK.

Mind you I said he wanted to belong, not owned. Freedom is a component of Jimin's love language. In as much as he wants to be kept he wants to be set free- To be be given the room and freedom to explore options and take risks without judgement and without sanctions.

This need is often misconstrued as him being noncommittal.

His need for freedom, I believe, stems from his being raised in a conservative home with parents that directed and dictated every facet of his life and wouldn't even allow him to pursue his passions until later. It took a while for his father to give him the go ahead to pursue his dream- which is performing on stage.

This is why I said in my last post that Jimin has a need to be in control of the decision making in a relationship. Being able to do as he pleases is important to him. Being able to control his own narrative is important to him. And the only person in BTS that permits him to have such authority over him is JK.

Now, I know you are going to say 'but JK is a bit possessive yadda yadda yadda'.

Listen, Jimin's need for freedom is inextricably linked with his fear of judgment and repercussion. What this means is, although he wants his freedom he is often afraid of what will happen if he should go for it.

As such, very often he wouldn't do anything without permission. Especially if he feels it's going to land him in trouble.

I fist noticed this in the 2014 Jikook bangtan bomb when he said he was starting to take a liking to JK but then right after he asked if JK was ok with that. Suga have also said, Jimin doesn't go out of his way to do things that makes people hate him- See this is why he needs JK. He could use some rebellion in his life.

However, this fear of sanctions often makes him complacent to and an accomplice in toxic behavioural patterns.

For instance, until recently, he would enable JK and encourage his acts of jealousy and possessiveness and even incite them at times. He would hold on to the thorns if it means keeping the rose.

But I see him asserting himself and demanding space within their relationship at times but when he does and JK withdraws he would act clingy around JK.

It is what Manila was about, what August 2019 was about and what April/May 2020 was about. I know some of y'all don't agree with my analysis on these moments, but I'm gonna have to stand by it.

Jimin is all about the balance of scales. The balance of needs and wants. The balance of fears and desires. It's just the Libra in him. Give him too much freedom and he will feel unwanted, hold on too tight and he would feel suffocated.

'I value my relationship. Spending time with my friends is gold' remember this shade?

Jimin's fear of Judgment comes from being a perfectionist and also being raised in a conservative home with a lot of expectations of him to be the model son as the elder male.

Thus, he instinctively gravitates towards people who are less judgy or have too much expectations of him.

Also, because he believes he has to work hard to achieve the things he wwants he wants to be loved, it would mean a lot to him if he didn't have to work hard to have someone love him.

It makes sense then that he would gravitate towards JK.

Jk embodies all of Jimin's wildest desires. I call this the allure of the Golden Maknae. Jk doesn't conform. He doesn't care about people's opinions of him and lives his life on his own terms- something Jimin is striving for.

No member in BTS is as free spirited, or as rebellious as JK is. When Suga told him not to get a tattoo because the fans would hate it- he's gotten it anyway hasn't he?

The best part, JK fell all on his own. And you damn right. he fell hard.

Still on the subject of fears, another fear I feel Jimin has that speaks to his love language is the fear of being a burden.

It is why he gives and gives and keeps giving. He'd rather give than receive. Which by the way, JK is the only member I have seen Jimin demand back what he gives him. Emotionally speaking.

Because he gives a lot of himself, he burns out quickly and feels emotionally drained quite often.

He has admitted himself that he used to drink by himself in his room whenever he felt drained. I assume he drank by himself because he didn't want to be a burden to others. Aka JK.

You see, JK is an empath. He feels people's pain as if they were his own. You just have to see him tear up while watching JM cry to understand what I mean by this. Jimin is a nurturer, he knows what it feels like to listen to someone's pain.

And if Tae is the one he goes to when it becomes overbearing then what does he need JK for? Glad you asked!

What JK offers Jimin is nourishment. A safe space for him to heal and reboot. JK replenishes Jimin. It is why he constantly wants to be around him.

Jk has been a canvas in their love dynamics from day one. They've both had to negotiate their needs and wants to make their relationship work. Which is something I find unique about their dynamics and why I believe they are real.

JK's lack of experience in dating, meant he had gone into their relationship without any preconceived notions of love. He's had to learn to love Jimin the way Jimin wants to be loved.

Coming from the background he's coming from, and having been denied his ambitions for such a long time, I see why Jimin would be drawn to people that are quite ambitious.

And even though, JK wasn't this person at first, Jimin has had to hype him up to the task. He pushes JK to be more ambitious.

When it comes to JK, I feel it's more about his potential to be everything Jimin wants in a partner and JK seems more than happy to comply with this.

Because of Jimin's duality and as a natural nurturer, I feel Jimin would also be attracted to someone emotionally open to recieving his love but not too emotionally dependent on him- the balance of scales I mentioned earlier.

It is why VMin wouldn't work, in my opinion. Tae is too emotionally dependent on Jimin. He ends up taking too much than he gives. On the other hand, Suga isn't emotionally dependent enough.

Again, for a man who's battled insecurity for years, it's safe to assume security, certainty and stability are an intricate part of his love language.

He seeks validation of these needs through the most random of things. In my opinion. He wants to be the one that knows JK the best. It matters to him if their clothes match, if their hair colors match, if JK meets his eyes in the middle of a serious comeback interview, if he checks all of JK's answers- hell, dude be whispering sweet empty nothings in JK's ears most times, talking about they are destined to be together and shit. You are me, I am you. Shit.

As annoying as some of these behaviors may be, JK is very considerate and tolerant of them and consideration is another one of Jimin's love language. This goes back to having been denied his dreams by his father. That denial flowed from a lack of consideration of his needs.

And as much as emotionally connected he is with Tae, Tae barely takes his feelings into consideration. And you see this in the letter Tae's written to Jimin. Or even in the dumpling incident where Tae put his want above Jimin's.

Not to mention the moments, JM have had to walk out of rooms because- Tae won't stop playing with JK's dam hair! Lol. They are cute.

People take from Jimin without reservation. But Jk is considerate as Jimin is of JK's needs.

Jk wasn't the 'exhibitionist' in that pair. He's a very private individual from what I can tell.

That PDA, that exhibitionism we see in them, that's all Park Jimin. He kinky. Dude freaky as fuck- we ain't mad at that. Bless him.

He enjoys public displays of affection. It's how he receives love. But PDA is not JK's love language, in my opinion. Yet he goes out of his way to show his affections for JM openly.

The best example I can give of this is Rosebowl.

JK understands that in order to be intimate with JM he has to allow himself to be influenced by him.

And Jimin understands that, as much as he wants to be close to JK that he doesn't have to rush him or force him into giving him the things he need from their relationship.

They are both very considerate of each other's needs, as random and ridiculous as those needs may be and cater to them in a way that is uniquely them.

Take the New Jersey live 2019 for example. Jimin seemed exhausted. Didn't want to be on another Live that night but JK clearly wanted to be seen on a Live together with him so he was there.

Another instance is the rock bison incident, where JM exchanged his toy for JK's just to make JK happy.

CONCLUSION

Listen, Jimin is in love with Jk no matter how imperfect you think he is.

No matter how much you think JK sucks at expressing his feelings for JM, Jimin loves him. No matter how close JM is with the other members, aka VMin, Yoonmin, Minimoni and the others; no matter the lack of emotional and physical boundaries between him and the others he will always fall back on Jk because none of those relationships fulfill him as much as JK does.

Jimin's constant need to be around JK could only mean there is some he gets from JK, a sense of fulfillment he gets that he doesn't get from any other member.

Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

[absoluteindulgence]

Paradise (BNHA POC!CUTIES COLLAB)

Happy Black History, Honeys!!! I’ve spent the last 12 hours working on this and I’m still unsure of the finished product, please if you like what read don’t be shy to comment (or if you didn’t DM me, constructive criticism. I haven’t written a story in a while so have mercy lol) Characters are Aged Up🆙 but it’s fluff? I tried my hand at Ludus but can’t say I executed it right lol. Thanks in advance to everyone that reads it! I’m gonna go pass out now, respectfully.

The time you spent together always resorted to some kind of new fun. Always smiles and laughter, learning something new about each other. You didn't spend a lot of time together during your days of being highschool kids, but after some time apart and rekindling something most may call "Puppy Love," you've been finding more reasons to get out of bed.

Kirishima was strong and kind-hearted when you knew him back at U.A., Giving off the proper sentiment that would make you believe in yourself. It's kind of embarrassing how hooked you were to each other's personality, painstakingly apparent to your other classmates wishing for you two to just date but never doing so. Resulting in the classic 'Will They, Won't They' trope annoying everyone; Only to continue like that in your young adult years. Pushing your childlike fun on each other, date after date.

You woke up early, just to get a sense of the mid-winter weather. Still wearing your pajamas, you opened the window near your bed; the brisk air immediately greeted your room with little atonement to your mildly groggy body. You shivered right away, knowing that even though the sun was high in the sky, the wind would be unforgiving until the afternoon. Promptly doing your beauty routine, you dressed warmly and threw your hair under a cute beanie Kirishima had bought you for Christmas. Eager to meet at the station with your Red-haired date. It would be the first date you would've had in weeks, and ironically enough, on Valentines' Day.

As you reached the meetup station, he was already there, fifteen minutes earlier than when you two were supposed to meet. This was typical for him, and many times you had tried to beat him to the punch, but he was always one step ahead. As you got closer, he raised his head from staring at his phone screen, reciprocating the smile plastered on your face as you hugged him.

"Hey, Little Miss Cozy, you look great!" His sharky grin made your heart pulse.

"Aw, thank you, you don't look bad yourself, Kiri" You glanced at his outfit; he looked so stylish! His PR team has really helped him with his image since he graduated, and now he looks like he belongs in a sophisticated J-pop group. "I'm so glad we're hanging out today!" 

"Yeah, me too. Too much work and not enough play are bad for the body!" He dramatically sighed as you playfully pursed your lips in agreeance, and in return, he held your hand through your winter knitted mittens, "Plus, I missed my partner in crime."

Your face heated up from the sweet confession just to retort with, "I feel the same way, Handsome."

His raspy chuckle coming right after as he casually brushed his red hair back with his fingers. Kirishima had promised to make it the best day you could ever have on the holiday. Planning something you didn't even expect; an indoor Ice Skating rink. It would be your first time engaging in the sport, and you were anxious. Unsure about your own elegance and precision to be the best on ice. But he reassured that it would be a fun experience nonetheless, and you believed it would.

"Don't worry, Cutie, if at any point you think you're gonna fall, just hold me tighter." With his graciously, flirtatious wink, you were blushing, with a demure grin.

After traveling to the venue, Kirishima greeted the clerk who would be taking your admission tickets. Right after, you two went to the counter where you get sized up for the Ice Skates. After getting them, you were slightly frantic on how to tie them, bewildered by the laces and hooks. Kirishima saw how confused you were, lightly chuckling at your frantic fingers working so hard to figure it out on your own.

"Hey, don't stress yourself out before you get on the ice, let me help.'' He squatted close to your feet just to help settle your feet into the rented skates. They were a perfect fit, and as he helped, he looked up to beam at you. "You know I feel like the Prince of your story, ready to whisk you away after knowing that the shoe fits you so perfectly."

How smooth, you thought to yourself. Physically flustered and speechless, you had no cheeky rebuttal. Which only made the buff redhead break out into laughter. So many times, did his bold flirts silence you and make your heart flutter. But it was one of your favorite traits that he had. After getting your shoes on, you held his hand the whole way to the rink, continually repeating, "Don't let me fall, okay?"

"Of course, My Princess" He nodded kindly, taking on his role of 'Prince' too seriously. Bringing you to almost trip as you tried to hide your face. "Hey, at least wait till we get on the ice."

Another carefree chuckle leaving his toned body, making you happy to enjoy this experience with him. Getting to the rink may have been a battle, but now you were finally getting onto the ice, working your legs slowly to steady under the frozen ice. Not wanting to move too fast and create an inconvenience for anyone enjoying the rink. Gradually, you took a breath, calming down, as you held Kirishima's hand tighter. He smiled so warmly the whole time you focused on getting comfortable on the ice. The patience he carried just to keep you feeling safe and secure made its way into your heart, knowing that there was no malice energy.

"Are you ready, Princess?" Finally finding your footing, you nod. "Okay, then I'll teach you the basics."

His skating directions are so thorough and straightforward that you're able to follow them and feel like you can execute each move flawlessly. He politely assists you with your stances, placing his big, callous hands onto your waist gently just to help you find the proper posture to keep you from falling. It's fun learning how to do it, but now you're eager to start, and Kirishima can tell.

"Okay, Princess, that's all I have to share. Let's have some fun!" He holds your hand firmly as you slowly glide around the skating rink, feeling your legs space out naturally to create the best gliding and position one leg in front of the other. "See, you know what you're doing!"

Your childlike smile shoots Kirishima straight in the heart as you make the first steps to skating like a pro. He knew you were a fast learner and always admired that. Your persistence to learn something new was fascinating to him. You would start off anxiously and felt as if you didn't know what you were doing. But once you had the chance to shine, you left no skill invalidated.

"Hey Kiri, you think we can go a little faster? I wanna get some more momentum and see if we can do a trick!"

"W-what, you sure you want to try that on your first time at a skating rink? Certain moves require being a professional figure skater… Which we aren’t."

"You have a point, but we should still try anyway," You smile with reassurance, "We didn't graduate from U.A. not to be durable in various conditions!"

You raise your other arm showing off the muscle you gained from being a student at the number one school. Kirishima looked a little bewildered, thinking that your ideology doesn't equate to ice skating whatsoever, but he agreed that you weren't wrong. U.A. definitely had their trials, and you were put through many of them as a first-year.

"I mean, just look at that couple; they're so graceful, and I think we can do that!"

You pointed to a couple of what looked like professional ice skaters making a move you had never seen before. Your eyes sparkled as their chemistry was unmatched by everyone else in the rink. They spun so gently and romantically that you felt like you had to try to do something just as beautiful as that. Kirishima took a couple of Ice skating lessons on the side only to gain more flexibility and agility to become a better defense hero during his agency apprenticeship. It worked well, and he learned many things that he didn't expect to use in his daily life.

Looking at the skilled ice skaters, he felt like that could be him and you, and so he looked back into your eyes, reciprocating your glittery gaze. With a pure and toothy grin, he said, "Okay, let's give it a try."

Excited by his answer, you almost jumped for joy, forgetting where you were, and almost slipped and tumbled into the Red-haired hero. You laughed off the blunder, and you both kept trying to reach the speed it would take to get into any ice move. Having the fundamentals of chemistry be explained had made you even more pumped. Learning the basics of a spin and how to get the most out of sticking your leg out and balance. Kirishima praised you every time you got further into the rotation. You felt good knowing that you were trying and learning something different, respecting the art of figure skating.

Surprised that you were doing so well, you lost focus for a second and accidentally bump into Kirishima, resulting in him falling to the ice-cold floor. Horrified that he's injured, you kneel close to him to inspect, but instead, he laughs, looking at your worried face.

"I'm okay, Princess; this isn't my first time falling on the ice."

"Are you sure? I mean, it looked like you fell kinda har-"

To avoid a freakout and reassure you, he stole a kiss from your lips, lasting more than three seconds as you didn't want it to stop, but he pulls away with a light chuckle, "This floor is cold as hell, though."

"I-I'm sorry," You slightly pout, not knowing what else to say.

"But hey, I'm here with the hottest girl, so this makes up for everything."

Your goofiest smile was starting to form as you reached out to help him up. "Okay, Mr. Flirt, you got me there."

His laugh was highly pleasing to your ears, and you laughed with him. As he stood up, he patted himself down and checked his skates, making sure everything felt the way it did before the fall. After the check, he wanted to leave the rink, it made you anxious, thinking that something else was wrong with him, but he laughed again, "I know you wanted to try a pro move today, but I actually have something else planned."

"Something else?" You tilted your head to the side, confused as to what he could be mentioning.

"Yeah, but it's a surprise, so I'm not gonna say anything until we get there." His shark-like grin came back, making you grin in return.

"Okay, but can I have a hint?" You imitated puppy dog eyes but couldn't keep your face straight, laughing at your own face.

"Hmmm, I'll think about it" He smiled. "Maybe when we're closer, but let's return these skates and go."

And with that, you returned the skates getting your cute and comfortable platform sneakers back. You had even forgotten what shoes you wore since you were in the rink skating for a long time, Feeling like you had sweat enough from the body-induced activity. You were excited to figure out where you might be going. You tried your best to make guesses as you rode the bus to get there and passed by each stop. Still not able to put the finger on where you might be going.

"Here's your hint, Princess," You turn from looking out the window to look back at him. "It's as sweet as you."

Even with such a cute but corny remark, you still didn't have a clue. But you were getting off at the next stop. No dots connected as Kirishima grabbed your hand, guiding you off the bus with him. He smiled the whole way, eager to see your expression on the date's secondary location. The walk may have lasted for five minutes until he stopped, turning to look at you, "We're here."

The building looked a little shabby but still had a colorful banner saying 'Welcome.' A little creeped out, you wondered what was being welcomed. Ghosts maybe? Not humans, maybe clowns, though. You were reluctant to step further, but you looked into Kirishima's eyes, and his expression looked pure and unaltered by the outer appearance of the building. You feigned a light smile, unsure what to expect inside the establishment but prepared for what's to come.

Intertwining your hands, your date tightened the grip, caressing your hand. As if doing his best to comfort you as you walked closer to the entrance, his toothy grin never leaving. As he opened the door for you, you entered the building, the floor looking just as bland as the outside, but you had to be admitted in to get to the specific base, and as you got to your final destination, Kirishima let you walk in first to scope out the scene.

In an instant, you're blinded by beautifully bright colors, pleasingly happy music that didn't sound creepy and candy-like decor from wall-to-wall. Shocked by what you're seeing, candy hung from the ceiling while numerous candy stations were on the floor. Your eyes became huge, looking at what could only be considered a candy paradise. Kirishima stood next to you, nodding at the beauty of the atmosphere filled with gleefulness and sweets all over.

"Well, Princess, welcome to Sugar Sanctuary."

He presented the place so nonchalantly, and yet his energy about the place said otherwise. Your jaw had dropped, not even knowing a place like this had existed. Your eyes couldn't even focus on what was in front of you; you just wanted to explore the floor and eat as much candy as possible.

"We burned so many calories skating, I think we should reward ourselves. I remembered out of the blue that you used to have a sweet tooth, and I wanted to see if that still holds true now."

You turned to hug him tightly, almost jumping into his arms. His eyes widened as you held him, " Of course that's still true! Let's leave here with a dump truck worth of sweets!"

His chuckle reverberated through his body and onto yours as you held him; without protest, he nodded. "Let's do it!"

And with that, you venture into the venue, reading fun facts about the candy, playing the video games that gave out real prizes. Kirishima had a point to prove, his goal was to win you whatever you wanted, and he did it so well, surprising you at his gamer abilities. And his claw skills were something to see too! You never thought you would have this much fun on a date, and yet, here you were having the time of your life with the man who was your highschool sweetheart.

Although your relationships would continue to confuse your friends, you always looked at the bigger picture to smile and have fun. Avoiding all the complicated politics of your connection, taken at your own pace, and not listen to others' opinions as you enjoyed Kirishima's company and vice versa.

You spent every moment tasting different sweets and fresh pastries from the floor that you almost forgot to take photos of the unique location. You spotted a photo booth, and with no hesitation, You lightly tugged your redheaded date to follow along. The booth itself was spacious when inside and looked like it had enough room to fit half a dozen people. But because there was so much space, you tried to create a wonderland of candy surrounding you, bringing you closer to your date.

Kirishima happily obliged to set up what seemed to take a while but eventually, ready to pose for the flix. Unironically, you two looked gorgeous, making quirky faces as the camera flashed, focusing in on the memory. However, the moment was just perfect enough to steal a kiss from him and to thank him for all that he’s done to help you celebrate a holiday that you usually overlook. After caressing your lips onto his, you say, “You know what, Kiri, you truly delivered. And I want you to know that I appreciate you.”

He goes in for another kiss, just to rest his forehead on top of yours, “No, thank you, I’m happy to rescue my Princess from a boring any time of the year.”

With a couple more photos taken in the booth, you leave heading to their lounge area to share a complimentary cake with a candle to grant a special wish together, hoping to have endless moments and to keep smiling together.

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control Chapter One

soooo tumblr for some reason deleted the masterlist and first three chapters of this fanfic... so I’m awkwardly reposting them. lol. sorry about this.

but please feel free to read this:) 

i barely even remember what this is about... but i think it’s sort of a modern retelling of ACOMAF... Feyre and Rhysand are competitive swimmers in college. enjoy. 

ONE

The music sounded like it had been blaring for hours by the time Tamlin and I walked into the ramshackle college-student house. Hosted by Helion, this Halloween party was sure to be over the top. Possibly dangerous. Definitely fun.

I adjusted my sheet.  I knew Tamlin would have preferred me to wear something a little sexier to the swim team Halloween party, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it. I didn’t feel like having eyes on me. I wanted to drink, get drunk, and go home with Tamlin. Limited social interaction. The ghost costume--a simple sheet with eye holes very poorly cut into it--was the perfect way to blend in. 

I also had lingerie on underneath the leggings and loose t-shirt I was wearing beneath the sheet. The incentive I had used to convince Tamlin to stop teasing me about wearing a slutty nurse outfit instead of the enormous sheet. 

Hopefully he would be too drunk later tonight for me to need to show the lingerie to him. I wasn’t in the mood. Hadn’t been for a while. 

He held the door open for me, pushing me by my ass through the doorway and into swim team chaos. 

Music blaring, very drunk swimmers everywhere, I was instantly grateful for my sheet. People were all over each other already--swimcest, we called it. That was what you partook in when you kissed/made out with/slept with one of your team members. A favorite pastime of most swim teams across the country, and one I apparently had no qualms about engaging in--with Tamlin. 

I made a beeline for the kitchen, not checking to make sure Tamlin followed. He would probably get handed a beer somewhere along the way and wouldn’t come to find me until he was drunk enough to want to make out. Yay.

I grabbed the nearest alcoholic beverage I could find--a handle of vodka--and pulled a sprite out of the fridge. I dumped the two together into a very large cup, slipped it under my sheet, and slipped back through the crowd into the living room to keep an eye on Tamlin. Taking up a spot on the couch, I started sucking down my drink and praying that nobody would want to socialize with me. I didn’t think I had the energy or enthusiasm to carry on a conversation right now. Or ever. 

One hour and several drinks later, I ran out of the vodka-orange juice I had been switched to drinking. I was growing tired of watching Tamlin play beer pong and grow steadily drunker in the center of the living room, and so far I’d been fine curled up on the couch, drinking and staring at my phone.  I was about to venture back through the crowd to find more alcohol when a guy and a girl from the middle distance group collapsed onto the couch, nearly falling directly on top of me. I lunged to the side, now pressed up into the arm of the couch. I identified the two (extremely drunk) swimmers as Amren and Cassian--and they were definitely making out. Like, intensely. 

I knew those two were pretty close, part of a clique on the team that I was not a member of nor had any interest in joining. Them making out probably didn’t mean anything. Honestly, nothing that happens between swimmers at a party means anything. I did wish they didn’t have to do it so uncomfortably close to me. I squeezed past them and headed back toward the kitchen, definitely feeling way past tipsy now. I didn’t want to think about all the vodka I had had in the past hour. 

A shock of cold air. Someone had torn my sheet off and I felt suddenly exposed to the whole room in my t-shirt and leggings. “Tamlin! What the hell?”

“Hey Feyre.” He was slurring. Very drunk already. Great. “Why’d you wear a sheet? You look so pretty underneath it.”

I knew I was blushing, and I knew everyone within five feet of us could hear everything that was going on. I clenched my jaw at the feeling of their eyes on my back. “Tamlin, can I have my sheet back? Please.” I gritted out. 

“I like you better like this,” he said, and pulling me close by my hips, he pressed his lips to mine in what was not the best kiss I’d ever experienced, to say the least. He was sweaty, and his breath smelled like beer, and this was a very public kiss. I was certain everyone was watching. 

As a swimmer, I was pretty strong. But Tamlin was also a swimmer, and trying to pull free of him was no small feat. And by now I realized that I was not only tipsy, but extremely drunk. I twisted around, his grip on my hips starting to hurt before he let go of me, too drunk to really pursue anything right now. Thank God. I could feel the entire room’s eyes on us. I gave up the sheet as a lost cause and fled as fast as I could, snatching a beer from the fridge and tripping over my own feet as I blundered out the back door of the house. It was kind of chilly out, so the backyard was empty as I laid eyes on a folding table around the corner.  College guys. Their furniture choices made no sense--they had a table and no chairs.  

Stumbling a little, I took a seat on the edge of the table and pulled my feet up. I cracked open the beer. I was not going to cry. Nothing had really happened. Except for my boyfriend stealing my costume, announcing to the party that I looked better exposed, and forcing himself on me while I struggled and no one did anything to help. Tamlin was the king of the swim team-- a captain, the cool guy, and extremely fast. He may not be the fastest, but he was definitely the most popular. Crossing him meant an intense bout of hazing or a team-wide shun.

I jumped, beer sloshing onto my lap a little. The screen door banged open and then shut around the corner. 

“Feyre?” A vaguely familiar voice issued into the night.  I tried to stay very quiet in the hopes that the person would leave me alone, but then he appeared. 

Rhysand Night. A junior. Smart, tall, and incredibly ripped. Fast in the water. A mystery to most of us on the team. Clad in all black, I wasn’t really sure if he was in any sort of costume. His black hair fell haphazardly across his gorgeous face--I chided myself for noticing his beauty while I was with Tamlin. But it was true. He was beautiful. And in his hand. . . 

My sheet.

“I’m really sorry to bother you. . . I’m sure you want to be alone. But I found this in the living room and I thought I would return it.” He took a few steps closer and I had to blink a couple times to keep the world steady. I really was quite drunk.

“Thanks,” I managed, and took it, trying to pull it over my legs but fumbling it and my beer.  My feet got caught in the sheet as I drew it up and then I was falling off the table.  

I dropped the beer and blindly stretched out my arms as I slid forward off the edge. I barely had time to worry about landing face first in the mud—

Warm hands grasped my shoulders and settled me on my feet.  Reflexively, I grabbed his elbows and steadied myself.

Quite drunk, indeed.

“Uh. . . Are you okay?” I dragged my gaze upward. Swallowed. 

Tears filled my eyes. Shit. I was never getting this drunk again. Ever. 

“Fine, ssso fine,” I slurred, then realized I was still grasping his elbows. I recoiled as though he was suddenly hot to the touch. “Thanks for the sheet.” And then I raced back inside.

Only to be greeted by the sight of Tamlin, beer in one hand--and Ianthe in the other. 

They sat on the couch directly across from the back door.  Or rather, he sat on the couch, and she sat squarely on his lap. They were making out so intensely that it was hard to tell whose hands and face were whose.  

I blinked a couple times, making sure this wasn’t some kind of drunk hallucination.  

It wasn’t.  

I stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do or where to go. My phone was with Tamlin’s stuff, and I couldn’t very well drive myself. All I knew was that I had to get out of there--immediately.

Then Tamlin opened his eyes and saw me. Standing there. Watching them.  I couldn’t tell if the world was spinning because of how high my blood alcohol content was or because the love of my life was making out with someone who was supposed to be my friend. In front of everyone.

“Feyre--” He made to stand, Ianthe falling off his lap to the side and glaring at me. Ianthe, my training partner, my roommate--glaring at me. 

“No,” I said, much too loudly from the looks of all the swimmers surrounding us. And it felt like I was ripping my heart out as I forced the words out. “It’s over, Tamlin. So over. Go back to--whatever it is you’re doing.” 

And I fled back the way I had come, out the door and directly into the extremely muscular body of Rhys. I prayed that Tamlin didn’t try to follow me. 

Rhys’s hands gripped my shoulders again and this time I couldn’t hold my tears back. I exploded into very loud, very drunken sobs as he guided me back to the table I had just fallen off. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew all this was terribly wrong. Tamlin and Rhys had some sort of history that I had never been able to figure out. Tamlin hated him. My boyfriend--ex-boyfriend, now, I thought with no small amount of sadness--was ten feet away, in the arms of my closest friend on the team.  And I was outside, crying in front of a teammate I barely knew. A teammate barely anyone on the team knew. 

Ah, the boundaries that can be crossed while intoxicated.

Rhys’s smooth voice broke into my thoughts and I wondered how long I’d been sitting there crying while he sat next to me, a respectable distance away. Probably too long. But he was still there. “Can I get you anything? Water, maybe?”

I shook my head. “No, no. I think I’m just going to walk back to my neighborhood.” I jumped to my feet, then swayed. 

Rhys grabbed my elbow, gently, though. “I am not letting you walk home. Are any of your friends designated drivers tonight? Do they have an Uber account?” 

The only two friends I had really made on the team--Tamlin and Ianthe--were definitely out of the question. “No. And my phone is in there. . . and I have no way to get home.” Shit.

Rhys guided me back onto the table. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” 

After a few minutes of his absence, I remembered what had just happened and my tears reemerged in full force. And then after another few minutes, they intensified as I became certain that Rhys was not coming back. I’d have to get home, inebriated beyond belief, by myself. I edged off the table and had gone all of two steps before the screen door banged open again. “Did you think I was just going to abandon you out here?” 

“Uh. . .” 

He raised his brows, and I noticed how incredibly sad his eyes looked. He blinked and it was gone. I shook my head--my drunk ass was making shit up. “Can I drive you home? I promise I’m sober. I’m DD for my friends tonight. They aren’t planning on leaving for another hour, so I can drop you off somewhere safe before then.” 

I’d already weighed the options in the time he’d been gone. My only option was accepting his offer. Unless I wanted to venture back inside and destroy the scrap of dignity I had left by asking Tamlin where my phone was or begging Ianthe to get me an Uber home. “Yeah. Thank you.” 

He nodded. “I found your phone.” He handed it to me, then told me to follow him around the house before I could ask how he had gotten it. I made it all of five steps before I tripped over a huge crack in the sidewalk. Rhys was there instantly, his arm sliding around my waist. I looked up at him. His jaw was clenched, eyes directly ahead. “Not much farther,” he said quietly as he led me down the sidewalk and out to the street. He ushered me into the passenger side of a black SUV, his arm retracting from around my waist as though I was now the one who was hot to the touch. 

I slumped in the seat. My tears had dried. I was transitioning into a state of shock and trying to sober up as quickly as possible. I didn’t think Rhys would try anything… But my faith in males right now had dropped considerably lower tonight. Rhys jumped into the driver’s seat and started the car. “You live in Astrid Oaks, right? The townhouses near downtown?” I nodded, my eyes closed and my head leaned against the headrest. 

After a few minutes of silence, Rhys blew out a long breath. “Do you. . . want to talk about it?” 

I was sobering up a little bit by now.  “No. Yes. Um…”

“It’s okay. I was just asking.” 

“It’s just that. . .”

And then it all spilled out, along with fresh tears. “He told me he loved me. Every day for the past year. I have changed my life for him. Put up with his endless partying, his flirting, him being entitled to everything and everyone on the swim team. His big head. Him treating his best friend like shit.” Some of the things flying out of my mouth were annoyances I had never allowed myself to acknowledge concerning my relationship with Tamlin. “And I’ve barely made any friends on this team because I’ve been so wrapped up by him since my freshman year, and he just cheated on me with Ianthe, who of course is perfect, in front of half the team. And I live with her. Fuck.” I had been blind. So blind. 

I slumped back into my seat.  Then I realized what I had just said--to the one guy Tamlin hated the most on the team. 

“Sorry. . . Can you forget I just said all that?” 

Rhys nodded, his eyes fixed firmly on the road in front of him.  After a while, though, he said, “Don’t freak out because I have totally already forgotten everything you said to me. But for what it’s worth. . . Everything you said to me. . . You deserve better.”

And that was that.  

Rhys walked me to my door, finding the spare key hidden under the mat and letting me into my own house.  I turned to thank him and then gagged. I was going to puke. I spun on my feet and rushed for the half bathroom down the hall.  I barely made it to the bathroom before I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.  Again. And again. And again. 

Warm hands pulled my hair away from my face as I leaned over the toilet.  Upon reevaluation, it looked like that last scrap of dignity was long gone by now. Lucky me. 

When I finally felt stable enough to sit up straight, his hands removed themselves from my hair. I couldn’t face him. Who was this guy? I’d only ever heard the worst things from Tamlin about him. . . But I barely knew Rhys, and now he was retrieving my phone from the beyond, driving me home, and holding my hair back while I threw up. Listening to me rant uncontrollably about all my problems. He probably had some sort of agenda that I wasn’t picking up on. He didn’t seem to be trying to take advantage of me though. 

Using the toilet seat to stand, I flushed the toilet and turned to find the bathroom empty.  I padded into the kitchen. I found Rhys halfway across the floor, a cup of water in hand.  “Here. I’ve been there too. Too many times. Sip some of this.”

This wasn’t the first time I’d drunk myself into oblivion and sickness, but I thanked him and sipped the water as we stood there in the dark kitchen, neither of us saying a thing. He was probably just staying there to make sure I didn’t pass out or something.  

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked.  “Seriously. There’s no one I can call for you?”

I placed my cup in the sink, my back to him.  I was sober enough by now to realize that Rhys had done enough for me tonight. For forever. He had already made a lot of sacrifices--for reasons unbeknownst to me--tonight. All for me. It was time for him to leave. “Rhys. I’ll be fine. I think I’m done puking. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for tonight and don’t think I can stand another minute of it. I promise. I’m going straight to bed after this.”

I turned and found him already on the other side of the kitchen, hands in his pockets, his beautiful face half in shadow. “Okay. I put my number in your phone, so if you think you’re going to suddenly die of alcohol poisoning or something, call me. It won’t be a bother.”

I nodded, somehow even more shocked at his kindness. He turned to go, and I said, so quietly that I wasn’t sure he’d hear, “I can’t thank you enough for. . . everything.”

He smiled. “It was no trouble at all. What are teammates for?” 

I stared at him as he left the kitchen. Heard the front door open and close.  

Teammates, indeed. It seemed as though I knew a lot less about some of my teammates than I thought I did.