#that's why the industry is becoming more and more competitive

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

chinese guzhuang fashion

[hldailyupdate]

“No, I don’t, truthfully. But I do think that anyone— and obviously there won’t be a lot that can relate to this but; anyone who’s been in a similar situation of being in a band and then going out on your own, there is always that element of— the only thing that you’ve got to cross reference with, is the other members of the band. That’s literally all you’ve got really. I think it’s a maturity thing really, it took me a long time to look at that for what it was. That’s where the petulant starts to come in, you start thinking ‘If they’re getting that, why am I not getting this?’ It just becomes a little bit toxic, and that unfortunately is the nature of the music industry. It is competitive, by nature. We’re all competing for spots. But I think I do look at it in a very, very different way now. But as I said, that takes maturity and truthfully, that also took— I needed to succeed on my own, to kind of get through that and get past that.

“Just to reiterate— this is important; that while I was feeling competitive or more competitive than I am now, that’s not to say that I wasn’t immensely proud of everything the boys were doing. It was more reflecting on my own situation, thinking ‘Oh, I wish I had a bit of that’, you know. Whereas I do feel in a much different place now. That’s also a nicer thing to feel. It’s not always the nicest feeling to feel so competitive.”

-Louis on if he still feels competitive towards the other boys. (2 April 2024)

via g1

[hopefull-mindset]

Design Analysis: Kouyou Ozaki

Have you ever wondered why everyone has assumed Kouyou to be a courtesan or brothel owner when there has been no specification in the main series?

First, there is the fact she refers to herself using “wacchi” (わっち), a pronoun that had been used by Geisha and Oiran alike in the Edo Period. Second is that, while she doesn’t have as many layers or hair ornaments, her large Obi is still tied at the front, and wears a Uchikake over her kimono. An Uchikake by itself is not an indicator, but I would think she has it to accentuate what she’s meant to resemble.

An Oiran is a general term for a high-ranking courtesan who has taken up some traditional arts and refined in their entertainment skills, putting them above the common prostitute. The term “Oiran” (花魁) means “flower leader”. It was said to be used by Kamuro and Shinzo to refer to the older courtesans and eventually became their title. It is theorized to come from the phrase "oira no tokoro no nēsan" (おいらの所の姉さん), but there is no exact and official origin of why they’re referred to as such.

They are exclusive because of their price ranges and the highest ranking had a degree of choice in who they had in their company. They get confused with Geisha often because of their similar skill sets and when you don’t know what you’re looking for visually, but in addition, this is mostly the fault of the Occupation of Japan with many coupling both of them into what they’d call “Geesha Girls” and mistaking Geishas for prostitutes. Many even called themselves a Geisha to bring in business, but Geisha’s legally couldn’t promote sex (that didn’t stop them though sometimes if they needed the cash). They are not distinctive only because one of them can practice sex work and the other cannot. Besides my previous comments on accessories, layering, and their distinctive Obi, Oirans have more extravagant coloring and designs on their clothing.

Not to be confused with the Tayū, whom Oiran had taken after in their clothing. Tayū are not as relevant in pop culture, so do not worry about trying to tell the difference in fictional media because they’re 100% going to be an Oiran unless specified. If you would like to learn more about Tayū and not look at confusing wiki pages, I recommend reading these: Karyukai Workers and Roles, The Look of Oiran Versus Tayuu, and this nice video about a modern day Tayū.

While Shinzo are the new debuting girls late into their training, a stage before that is the Kamuro. Kamuro are young girls sold by their parents to either pay off debts or have fewer mouths to feed, and some were even born into it. On the surface, the deal of their daughter becoming someone so luxurious was desirable and made it easier for them to give her away, but not all of them got that life and had to fight for that position. Kamuro were put under the care of senior courtesans who would teach them the skills they’d need while Kamuro did their chores for them. Kamuro were also considered a social marker of how rich the courtesan was to be able to provide for these girls, but they were limited to only caring for two. It was an exploitative and abusive industry that groomed them into this life. These girls can’t leave because they’re stuck to a never-ending contract that they need to pay off in their work because of the costs of their living, so competition for the top spot wasn’t only for the idealized life promised, but to get a higher paying customer to pay off their contract to escape.

Kouyou’s backstory is heart-wrenching in this context. We don’t have details of how she ended up there or the rest of what happened, but you can’t deny the resemblance between the life of a young girl in the red light district trying to escape her conditions with a man who has promised her freedom and Kouyou wanting to live in the light outside of the Port Mafia’s unlivable darkness with someone who wanted to show her that. Along the same lines, Kyouka can be seen as a Kamuro that Kouyou has taken under her wing and wanted to leave herself. Granted, using sexual favors is manipulation 101 and she could’ve learned this anywhere, but it would make sense if she had learned this from Kouyou as a courtesan. Kamuro weren’t ignorant of what their “Older Sisters” did.

There are many differences between the life of these girls and the bloody one Kouyou had lived in the Port Mafia, and it’s not as if I’m implying she had lived the life they did as we don’t know much, but the similarities can’t be just coincidence. As for “brothel owner”, the Yakuza unsurprisingly stick their nose into the sex work business, so it wouldn’t be too hard to assume Kouyou was looking over these things.

Side comment: “Ane-san” is old-fashioned, so the only time you’ll see it be used instead of just “Ane” or “Onee-san” is in a historical context, or with the Yakuza to refer to the upper echelon female members.

(I refuse to use something not from mayoi, bones art… is ugly)

Kouyou’s crimson hair comes from her name “紅葉”, which can be translated to “Red (Autumn) Leaf”, or roughly “Crimson Blade”. It’s referred to as crimson in the light novels, but we all want to call it deep pink. Either way, both colors are deep-seated in love and she wears it all over. Her uchikake starts light at the top and deepens the lush cherry blossom pink into a bloody red where it drags at the floor with trailing bellflowers (or some type of thin petaled bellflower). Her inner kimono is pure black, except at her shoulder where only a piece of pink is left, and at the bottom are prominent red spider lilies. Their color is emphasized with a transitioning dark shade of purple.

Red spider lilies are infamous because of their connotation with death, but there’s more to it. They’re considered “hell flowers” and could lead the dead to reincarnation. Used in funerals, legends say that seeing someone you will never meet again will have these flowers bloom in your path. They’re flowers that bloom in autumn and the meanings they have are: painful memories, abandonment, passion, independence, giving up, longing, and “never to meet again”.

Kouyou is a mournful soul whose past has never left her, especially in the face of confronting Kyouka’s choice. For these flowers to appear in the inner darkness of her design is significant to how deeply his death had affected her, but also the abandonment of what she regards as her “born nature”. That man had wanted to show her light but had only contributed to the growing darkness that she wasn’t allowed to escape. She had died that day with him, and could only keep walking in the flower field of death she had created. It’s only the piece of light on her shoulder that is left of her past self.

Now, the bellflowers on her uchikake can mean: Loyalty, gratitude, faithful, unchanging, honesty, and discipline.

If the Port Mafia had once been a place of terror and misery, then Mori had changed that for her and made the Port Mafia her home. She is forever grateful for what he has done to make this life livable again and dawns this flower gracefully with light colors. She chooses to wear these light colors over her kimono because even if she resents the hypocrisy of the people who can live in the light without criticism, she still wants some semblance of that dream after her soul has been blackened to that gain. Harukawa, when designing these characters, keeps in mind what organization and type of person they are when color coding them. It’s also with the understanding of what shades will appear darker and lighter in the manga style. Harukawa says that she made sure to give Kouyou light colors and kept her eye from being dark to signify that she’s a good person.

In the manga, her outfit is slightly different from the anime’s design. Her uchikake is paler and does not have any flowers on it, and the flowers on her kimono are much more... vague, so if there are better candidates than my guesses, then be my guest and throw me a bone. From the silhouettes, I will assume that the largest visible flower is a water lily and/or lotus and the flowers growing on the branches are sakura blossoms and/or plum blossoms. It’s fitting considering she is introduced with sakura blossoms falling around her, but they could be plum blossoms too as “花魁” can refer to them in some cases.

Water lilies and Lotus flowers are very recognizable, and I’m sure most of you have seen them around. Their meaning of “purity of heart” comes from how wild water lilies will usually be white. Similarly, lotus flowers are seen as pure because they can bloom in mud without staining themselves. Other meanings water lilies are given are: Rebirth, trust, faith, and kindness. With lotus flowers, they are: Rebirth (again), “to change someone’s mind”, “eases suffering (of the heart)”, and resilience.

Ignoring the meaning of faith and trust since we had already gone over it with the bellflowers, both possible flowers emphasize her good nature and the renewal of life that Mori had blessed her with. Mori had eased the mindless suffering caused by the old boss and changed her mind about what the Port Mafia was to her. She pushed through the muddy waters of the old boss’s darkness and stood her place well in her strength.

Sakura blossoms and plum blossoms introduce two different meanings in their symbolic usage. Plum blossoms bloom in the winter cold in the signal of spring coming, showing the prosperity of life in the hardest of conditions, while sakura blossoms remind us of life’s impermanence and that its beauty can only last for so long. Plum blossoms also can mean: elegance, nobleness, patience, loyalty, hope, and renewal. If these are Sakura blossoms, then they can mean: renewal (again), violence, and hope (again).

In the context of these flowers appearing on her kimono, they mean something different than the renewal of a new era Mori had brought. The remark at the beginning of chapter 17 gives us a personal meaning for Kouyou to what sakura flowers are to her. They are the blooming hope of a girl’s wishes, but they eventually have to drop not long after growing up and facing their reality. Remaining a bud is impossible, so Kouyou, in defiance of this eventual fate of this girl, sees slashing the girl’s heart to be more merciful than the long, doomed drop they all have to face. Kouyou is a bloomed Sakura flower who has already dropped, and her change had started there, not when she bloomed. Even if a part of her had died, she still clings with no real hope.

This is the only image we have of her kimono without anything covering it. This is right at the end of the Guild Arc where they are celebrating their accomplishment. Kouyou sheds her outer bright colors because there is no room for that in this setting and trusts Chuuya and Mori enough to shed any pretenses. They’ve all dressed casually, so she would too. The leaves are meant to be red maple leaves that also show up in the flashback of Kouyou of you look carefully. As I’ve said before, these have to do with her name. The vague firework-like design that shows up are either enlarged spider lilies or chrysanthemum flowers. Assuming these are the white kind, they mean: truth, loyal love, admiration, and sincere heart. However, the yellow kind can mean “slighted love”.

She is sincere inside and out, even if some of that sincerity isn't as pretty as what it looks like from a distance. “A flower that blooms in the dark can only survive within the dark” is a sentiment she lives by after all. If it is a yellow chrysanthemum, then its meaning is what you’d expect from her lonely heart.

Bonus round

Welcome if you have read this far, this is where I stray from her main outfit and talk about outfits that only appear once. This first kimono is what she wore when staying put in the Armed Detective Agency’s capture so that Kyouka would be able to live out a dream she can’t bring herself to live out. The white kimono is covered with columbine flowers. They can mean: risk-taking, good fortune, faith, folly, hope, and specifically for white columbines, “I’m concerned for this person”. Negative/inverse meanings include: The emblem of deceived lovers, ingratitude, and faithlessness.

What this means in Kouyou’s overall situation shouldn’t be too mind-boggling. She is in this room for Kyouka’s sake and is fairly concerned about how this plan of many risks will play out, but has faith in Dazai’s abilities. She is her most stripped version of herself and works with good intentions with Dazai under this idea, so she only wears light. Kouyou though is only left to her thoughts, her own past in that room. She is glad for Kyouka, but it only leaves fear that Atsushi won't be able to live up to something he promised so she ensures that he is committed to helping her into the light and strong in a way that man wasn't able to be. 

The second one is from the chapter art with Kouyou and Mori leading Soukoku away from each other. It’s an outfit that reflects her mindset during her time with the old boss, an inverted palette from what she’s currently wearing. She hasn’t fully embraced her environment yet. Unfortunately, almost all of the flowers and plants are a bit too vague for me to point out. There is only one flower I think I recognize on her right sleeve that looks like a bird, and it is called an Egret Orchid. The only meaning of significance here is: “I think of you even in my dreams.” Some sources will say, “My thoughts will follow you into your dreams”, but I think this made more sense in this context.

This sentiment is regarding that man who had told her such an innocent lie. She not only hid her sorrowful, pure yet broken heart inside the guise of flowering darkness but weaponized this sorrow in her violence and climbed the ranks of the Port Mafia. He is a source of regret, hate, and sadness. He is her only semblance of what hope and love could resemble, and it has become a corrupted and negative thing to her in his death. Pure darkness is the only thing can trust for people like her… but she still ponders what that life will be. His influence had never left her, whether it was for better or worse. 

—

Alright um

I don’t typically do analysis like this as I don’t find clothing all that interesting to look into, but there is merit to thinking about what a character is wearing even on a surface level. It can be a show of their social rank, their job, their interests, their personalties, their culture, etc. but there isn’t always a deeper meaning to their clothing on a theming sense and I can’t find it in me to usually be interested in doing it myself. In most media, the clothing only indicates the era the characters are from and how marketable they can be.

Luckily, BSD is one of those stories that do put heavy consideration on what the characters are wearing and how their clothing changes overtime for some. Obvious examples include Harukawa’s color pallet consideration to indicate what type of person they are and what organization they are from, Dazai’s clothing swap when he leaves the Port Mafia, Chuuya’s many outfits as show of his growth in belonging to the Port Mafia, the coat passed down from Mori to Dazai to Akutagawa, and the Yin-Yang coloring of Atsushi and Akutagawa that stays consistent even in Beast where they swap.

When doing clothing analysis you’re almost expected to overanalyze and stray into your own interpretations of what certain things mean, when sometimes there isn’t any intended meaning. None of that is a bad thing though! You don’t have to rely on an author or artistic word to analyze a thing, but I tend to have a hard time with just making claims like that. So I picked this concept for Kouyou because I have my own ideas for the thought process behind her design that felt right and find it intriguing enough to share. I had actually asked a friend if I could take her from their hands since they had been planning to do their own clothing analysis, but got stuck. So thank you for letting me steal it!

I’m not a historian or whatever, but I do like sharing what I do know about certain topics! Unexpectedly, this took more out of me than I thought. I’ve written more in a shorter time, but I got stuck with having to write about one certain topic than the character entirely. I will probably never do something like this again, at least not with flower meanings. Who knew how much work it was to actually explain what they mean in context in such a big bunch?

The day I finish that Odasaku analysis is when I’ll read The Golden Demon.

[txttletale]

what does it mean when people say stuff like individual morality or action is incompatible with class analysis or class struggle?

alright so like one of the key ideas about class analysis is the idea that classes (as a whole) have economic interests that affect all their members but don't extrapolate out to an individual analysis.

for example, let's say that you can't find a job, and somebody offers to pay you below the table for below minimum wage. it's in your individual interest to do this--it beats having no job! but as a member of the working class, once this practice becomes normalized, suddenly the standards of pay for everyone are lower because people know that they can just pay less than minimum wage under the table. competition between workers for jobs drives wages down for everyone, leaving them all in a worse situation overall even if each individual choice to scab, to accept lower pay, to resist unionization, etc, leaves the person who makes it better off. cf. karl marx on what happens when wages and working conditions deteriorate:

The labourer seeks to maintain the total of his wages for a given time by performing more labour, either by working a great number of hours, or by accomplishing more in the same number of hours. Thus, urged on by want, he himself multiplies the disastrous effects of division of labour. The result is: the more he works, the less wages he receives. And for this simple reason: the more he works, the more he competes against his fellow workmen, the more he compels them to compete against him, and to offer themselves on the same wretched conditions as he does; so that, in the last analysis, he competes against himself as a member of the working class.

— Karl Marx, Wage Labour & Capital

similarly, any individual member of the working class is completely dispensable and replaceable by capital. if one person refuses to work unless they're paid a higher wage, they'll be fired and replaced with somebody who doesn't. the individual worker has no economic leverage whatsoever. but the working class has incredible economic leverage! and so does the intermediate stage between the working class and the individual--organized segments of the working class (e.g. trade unions) have economic leverage. if one person strikes, the capitalist can fire them. if 40,000 people strike, your industry is going to shut down.

so the reason why class analysis is compatible with individual action is that your incentives measurably change when you start organizing--it's in the interests of the individual to compete, but in the interests of the class to cooperate. and obviously you cannot just expect everyone to spontaneously coordinate! you, the individual, are disposable to capital! if you, personally, refuse to take the under-the-table offer, either on moral grounds or because you recognize your class interest, your neighbour's going to take it--unless you and her get together and agree that neither of you will take it. that's the only way that the guy making the offer is going to have to give in and offer the job for a living wage.

and this is what organization is--trade unions (although they have severe limitations!), communist parties, and other worker's organizations allow the working class to pursue their collective interest--which can only be pursued by collective action, because engaging in the strategies of collective action as an individual, without the cooperation of your peers, is high risk for no reward.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Colleen Moore (Flaming Youth, Ella Cinders)— One of the highest paid, most in-demand actresses of the silent film era, Colleen Moore defied genre and kept herself one step ahead of the competition (and although Moore was the OG flapper, her longtime rival Clara Bow would become more famous for the image) as well as invested her earnings to ensure her financial security after she retired. She even wrote a book all about investing in the stock market! Moore also nurtured a passion for dollhouses throughout her life and helped design and curate The Colleen Moore Dollhouse, which has been a featured exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago since the early 1950s.

Lilian Harvey (Die Drei von der Tankstelle, Der Kongreß Tanzt, Glückskinder)— Lilian Harvey was one of the most popular German film stars of her time, appearing alongside frequent co-star Willy Fritsch like a European version of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. She had it all: she could act, she could dance, she could sing, she was hot, and she wasn't afraid to stick it to the Nazis. During the 1930s, she remained in contact with her Jewish friends and colleagues, which earned her the scrutiny of the Gestapo. When choreographer Jens Keith was arrested for having a sexual relationship with another man, Lilian posted his bail, allowing him to escape to France. She was eventually forced to flee Germany herself, and her film career never recovered. She is perhaps best known to American filmgoers from her brief mention in "Inglourious Basterds," when Joseph Goebbels insists that her name not be mentioned in his presence.

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Lilian Harvey:

Colleen Moore:

Colleen is charming and funny, she was one of the starlets to popularize the iconic 1920s bob!

She's like the deep cut version of Louise Brooks, with majority silent films, and a large percentage of them lost-- BUT 'Why Be Good?' is such a fun movie and she wears really cute dresses and has all the best parts of Pre-Code leading lady fun!

[thebibliosphere]

You said the phrase "the mysteries of publishing" and honestly that's wild to me. I knew the publishing industry was shitty, but I had no idea it was also mysterious/secretive because the vast majority of what I know of it has come from you and Brandon Sanderson, and both of you are very up front and open about your gripes with publishing

There's always been systemic gatekeeping from traditional publishing (lack of diversity in publishing is not an accident, it is intentional), and there have always been a few jerks in indie-pub who intentionally give out bad-faith advice to try and sabotage the "competition," but they get called out by the community pretty quickly.

Where things can become (unintentionally) mysterious, is when people look at all the information available to them and freeze because they don't know where to start.

Indie and self-publishing is daunting, not just from a creative aspect, but administrative as well. It can be especially difficult if you struggle with executive dysfunction or other information-processing issues.

But if you take your time, ask questions in writing groups/forums -- reach out to author friends if you have them -- or even just contact customer service, you usually get it figured out.

This recent trend-- and it's gotten really bad over the pandemic-- with people conflating being an author with being an influencer, (and some do both well, but many don't.), and there's an almost MLM (multilevel marketing, not men-loving-men. Just clarifying seen as how this is Tumblr 😅) vibe to the way some of them are pushing their platforms harder than their work.

And people think, hey, this person has a million followers on TikTok; they must know what they're talking about!

So they sign up for the "classes" being promoted by these influencer management hubs, and while I am sure some of them are legit, if a lot of them are getting the same emails I'm getting, it's the bare minimum shit that you can find on google.

Maybe if you're lucky, they'll talk you through figuring out international royalties. Chances are they'll just regurgitate David Gaughran's 'Let's Get Digital: How To Self-Publish And Why You Should' -- WHICH YOU CAN GET FOR FREE-- and frame it behind girl-boss empowerment vibes spun through the lens of being a boss-babe author.

When truthfully, this person probably earns more from your clicks and views than anything they've written. There's more money to be made in the hustle of appearing successful and pretending like this wealth of information is secretive and unknown.

And I want no part of that.

[techploration]

A Cascading Fix

The floating garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean a huge ongoing issue. Plastic is the worst offender (and no it’s not all drinking straws and plastic bags— it’s mostly discarded fishing nets). Skimming would be too costly and unrealistic (it’s country sized— big country). Plus is almost a biome at this point— you couldn’t scoop out the trash without also scooping animals/eggs/plants basically causing more havoc trying to clean it up.

So what do you turn to? Bacteria

So this area has been in active research for 25+ years as the ultimate solution to dealing with plastic waste.

Should be great right? The lifespan of a bottle in a landfill falls from centuries to weeks in a vat. It’s such an alluring goal that people gloss over the path

Brute forcing thousands upon thousands of mutations on an enzyme that specializes in breaking down hydrocarbons sounds wildly risky.

Because what if you get one that does too well?

Future Forecaste

Silicon Valley Tech Bro Billion wants to try and improve his image as a part of the private jet class by holding a big public competition for innovative solutions for the garbage patch. Encourages all of his tech bro buddies to pitch their ideas. Billionaire promises to fund a pilot project for the top idea.

What wins out? Bacteria

And they apply the Facebook ‘move fast and break things’ philosophy to brute forcing mutations. Garbage patch is in international waters, so no approval (or oversight) to go and test your ideas.

In fact, with being out in the middle of the ocean, you can build your lab right on a boat and sail out there. And test your iterations right there. In the ocean. Why test on a simulated garbage patch when the real one is right there?

Success! A strain that breaks down plastics in a short timeframe in the cold of the ocean! Your test site quickly goes from floating landfill to. something?

The enzymes broke the plastic into component nutrients. So you now have effectively dumped a whole flood of nutrients into the water. Kinda like dumping fertilizer

Cool. So now you you have turned garbage patch into the Great Pacific Algal Bloom and Dead Zone

And the bacteria isn’t staying put. Oceans have a way of moving things, and you just built a hardy sailor with a plentiful food supply.

The bacteria makes it to shore and suddenly, plastic isn’t permanent. Plastic isn’t safe in water. Every seal and gasket is now prone to failure. There is a rush to figure out which types of plastics are susceptible, which are resistant. New plastics with bacteria resistance are developed.

But that’s not even going to be the biggest issue

We’ve Got a Fuel Pox on our Hands

If it likes to eat plastic know what it’ll love? Gasoline and any other hydrocarbon

This bacteria would essentially turn gas into soy sauce. Think about fuel rotting

Suddenly world’s energy supply is at risk. Fear of contamination becomes the oil and gas industry’s number one concern. Gas becomes an even more precious commodity, and is only used when application demands. The industry takes on surgical level of cleanliness.

Meanwhile other people are prepping ‘Kombucha’ for their local pipeline

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Thankful for class consciousness

On November 27, I'm appearing at the Toronto Metro Reference Library with Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen.

On November 29, I'm at NYC's Strand Books with my novel The Lost Cause, a solarpunk tale of hope and danger that Rebecca Solnit called "completely delightful."

Before the term "ecology" came along, people didn't know they were on the same side. You care about owls, I care about the ozone layer – what does the destiny of charismatic nocturnal avians have to do with the gaseous composition of the upper atmosphere?

But as James Boyle has written, the term "ecology" welded together a thousand issues into a single movement. When we talk about "looking at our world through a lens," this is what we mean – apply the right analytical lens and a motley assortment of disparate causes becomes a unified, coherent project:

https://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=dlj

Unfettered, planet-destroying, worker immiserating corporate power is only possible in the absence of such a lens. Before neoliberalism can destroy our lives, it must first convince us that we are all disconnected. "There is no such thing as society," isn't just an empty slogan: it's a weapon for dismantling the democratically accountable structures that can stand against industrial tyrants.

That's why neoliberalism is so viciously opposed to all kinds of solidarity, why corporate apologists insist that the only elections that matter are the ones where you "vote with your wallet." It's no surprise that the side with the thickest wallets wants to replace ballots with dollars!

Today, at long last, after generations of deadly corporate power-grabs, we are living through an ecology moment where all kind of fights are coalescing into one big fight: the fight to save democracy from oligarchy.

There are many tributaries flowing into this mighty river, but two of the largest are antitrust and labor. Antitrust seeks to ensure that our world is regulated by democratically accountable lawmakers who deliberate in public, rather than shareholder-accountable monopolists who deliberate in smoke-filled rooms. Labor seeks to ensure that contests between profit for the few and prosperity for the many are decided in favor of people, not profit.

This coalition is so powerful that the ruling class has never stopped attacking it. Indeed, the history of US antitrust law can be viewed as a succession of ever-more-insistent laws enacted solely to make it clear to deliberately obtuse judges that competition law is aimed at corporations, not unions:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/14/aiming-at-dollars/#not-men

Rising corporate power and declining worker power is bad for all of us. The failure of successive US administrations to block airline mergers led to sky-high prices and a proliferation of "junk fees" that can double the price of a ticket. The monopoly carriers stand to make $118b this year from these fees:

https://www.fastcompany.com/90981005/airlines-fees-118-billion-dark-patterns

The consolidation of the agricultural sector led to cartels that conspired to rig the prices of our food. These Les Mis LARPers rigged the price of bread!

https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/canada-bread-price-fixing-1.6883783

Remember eggflation? Nearly all the eggs in US grocery stores come from a single company, Cal-Maine, which owns dozens of brands, including "Farmhouse Eggs, Sunups, Sunny Meadow, Egg-Land’s Best and Land O’ Lakes eggs":

https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/13/business/egg-prices-cal-maine-foods/index.html

With all our eggs in one basket, it was easy for a single company to rig the egg market, blaming everything from bird flu to Russian invasion of Ukraine for doubling egg prices while their profits shot up by 65%:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/23/cant-make-an-omelet/#keep-calm-and-crack-on

Antitrust isn't just about monopoly – it's also about oligopoly. The American meat cartel pretends that it's not rigging markets by outsourcing its price-fixing to a "clearinghouse" called Agri Stats:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/04/dont-let-your-meat-loaf/#meaty-beaty-big-and-bouncy

Agri-Stats gets data from all the Big Meat companies, "anonymizes" it, and publishes it back to its subscribers, who use the service to coordinate across-the-board price-hikes that have cost the public billions in price gouging (meanwhile, Big Meat was able to secure $50b in public subsidies).

For forty years, governments have ceded power to "autocrats of trade" who usurped control "over the production, transportation, and sale of the necessaries of life":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/20/we-should-not-endure-a-king/

But that era is coming to an end. In the past year, American regulators have blocked airline mergers and promulgated rules banning junk fees. They've dragged price-fixing clearinghouses into court:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/why-turkey-eggs-and-air-travel-just

They're getting results, too: for the second year in a row, turkey prices are down. Cranberries, too (18%). Same for whipping cream (25%). Pie crusts are down. So are russet potatoes. Airfares are down 13.2%.

The egg cartel just lost a long-running court case over the last egg price-fixing campaign, which gouged Americans from 1990-2008:

https://www.pymnts.com/cpi_posts/kellogg-kraft-secure-victory-in-price-fixing-lawsuit-against-egg-producers

The same fact-pattern that was revealed in that court case is repeated in this year's eggflation scandal:

https://farmaction.us/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Farm-Action-Letter-to-FTC-Chair-Lina-Khan.pdf

That's terrific ammo for the FTC, and will doubtless benefit the Democrats running against would-be Indiana senator John Rust, whose family owns convicted egg cartel member Rose Acre Farms and whose wife just stepped down as chair of the board.

One underappreciated aspect of the global war on corporate power is that the same corporations commit the same crimes in countries all over the world, which means that whenever any government establishes evidence of those crimes, they are of use to all the other governments. Competition enforcers from the UK, EU, USA, Singapore, South Korea and elsewhere are coordinating to target the Big Tech cartel. Maybe Google and Facebook and Apple are bigger enough to resist any one of those governments – but all of them?

https://cmadataconference.co.uk/

One notable absence from the anti-monopoly coalition is Canada. While other countries merely stopped enforcing their competition laws in the neoliberal era, Canada never had a good competition law to enforce. Canada's official tolerance for monopolies has allowed a handful of companies to seize control over the economy of Canada and the lives of Canadians:

https://www.canadaland.com/shows/commons-monopoly/

These monopolies are largely controlled by powerful families, Canada's de facto aristocracy, whose wealth and power make them above the law and subordinate the country's democratic institutions to billionaires' whims:

https://www.canadaland.com/tag/dynasties/

At long last, Canada has called time on oligarchy. Last week's Fall Economic Statement included an announcement of a muscular new competition law, including new merger guidelines, a new "abuse of dominance" standard, and Right to Repair rules:

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7132855021548769282/

The law also includes interoperability mandates for Canada's highly concentrated – and deeply corrupt – banking sector. These measures are strikingly similar to new measures just introduced in the US by the CFPB:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/let-my-dollars-go/#personal-financial-data-rights

The arrival of Canada's first fit-for-purpose competition rule coincides with all kinds of solidaristic movements in Canada that are fighting corporate power from the bottom up. Even Ontario, led by one of the most corrupt premiers in provincial history, can't break its teachers' union:

https://globalnews.ca/news/10105600/ontario-elementary-teachers-reach-contract-deal/

It's not just workers who benefit from solidarity: Tenants' unions have formed across the province in response to corporate takeovers of scarce rental stock. These finance-sector landlords have armies of lawyers who've figured out how to bypass rent-control rules and evict tenants who balk. Rather than rolling over, tenants' unions are organizing waves of rent-strikes:

https://macleans.ca/longforms/rent-strikes-canada/

As with Big Tech, the illegal tactics of the rental sector aren't confined to a single nation. In America, Wall Street landlords have dramatically increased the price of housing and kicked off an eviction epidemic the likes of which the country has never seen:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/16/mortgages-are-rent-control/#housing-is-a-human-right-not-an-asset

And as with Big Meat, landlords use arm's-length clearing houses to rig rental markets, coordinating across-the-board rent hikes:

https://www.propublica.org/article/yieldstar-rent-increase-realpage-rent

In other words: to fix the housing market, tenants all over the world need to learn the tactics of labor unions. Housing regulators have to learn from agricultural regulators. Americans tenants have to learn from Canadians. These aren't 1,000 different fights – they're one big fight, and the coalition for dismantling corporate power is vast and powerful.

The most powerful weapons our bosses have is convincing us that we are weak and they are strong – so strong that we shouldn't even try to fight them. But solidarity is absurdly powerful, which is why they go to such great lengths to discredit it. In Sweden, the solidarity strikes against Tesla – who refuses to recognize its maintenance workers' union – have spread to nine unions.

Tesla can't get its cars offloaded at the ports. It can't get its showrooms cleaned. No one will deliver its mail. No one will fix its chargers. The strike is spreading to Germany, and workers at its giant Berlin factory is set to walk out:

https://www.metafilter.com/201514/Swedish-Tesla-workers-go-on-strike

There's something delicious about how palpably frustrated Elon Musk is by all this, as he realizes that neither his billions nor his bully pulpit are a match for workers in solidarity:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-11-23/elon-musk-calls-swedish-tesla-strikes-insane-as-impact-spreads

It's a reminder of just how fragile and weak billionaires are, when we stop believing in them and deferring to them. Rebecca Solnit's latest Guardian column adds up the ways that allowing billionaires to run the show puts us all in danger:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/20/billionaires-great-carbon-divide-planet-climate-crisis

They are the unelected "autocrats of trade" who control "the production, transportation, and sale of the necessaries of life." They are the force that this new ecology movement is coalescing to fight: across borders, across sectors, across identities. No matter whether you are a worker, a tenant, a voter, a shopper or a citizen, your enemy is the billionaire class.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/24/coalescence/#solidarnosc

[montygatorshusband]

My predictions for the secrets of the DRDT Cast!~

While I’m definitely not smart enough to figure this murder out, I think I may be qualified in figuring the current second biggest mystery of Chapter 2, the rest of the characters secrets!

While a majority of the classes secrets have been revealed, I think I have a good idea on the rest! I’ll try to explain the best I can, but this is kind of a more casual theory than a super in-depth one like most of the ones I see.

Tw: Su!c!de, Self h@/rm, Implied Eating Disorder in Ace’s section, Spoilers for Danganronpa Despair Time

Confirmed Secrets

These are the secrets that are correct and have been confirmed.

Xander - “How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you’ve done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is your fault.”

Nico - “No one accepted you because of your identity. You were constantly mocked by your family, your peers, and everyone else.”

Arei - “Blackmail, rumors, lying, stealing, slander. You did everything you could to ruin your sisters’ lives.”

Rose - “You took on your talent to earn money for your family. But you’ve since put them in a lifetime of debt.”

J - “You hide your name and birthright to pretend that you aren’t the daughter of Mariabella Rosales.”

Charles - “Your older brother died, but you don’t remember him at all.”

Eden - “Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships.”

Arturo - “Your younger sister killed herself because of you. You should have never left.”

Whit - “Your mother is dead. You always omit that truth.”

Ace - “Your body is falling apart, but you still refuse to eat.”

David - “You exist to manipulate others. Everyone else exits to be taken advantage of.”

Now we move on to the characters whose secrets have not been revealed, and so everything from here on out is pure speculation. I’ll try to explain my reasoning, even if it is sometimes rather flimsy.

Characters who’s secrets have NOT been revealed: Teruko, Hu, Veronika, Min, and Levi

So! Let the speculation begin!

“You always treated the competition with ruthlessness, but poisoning them to win was a bit too far, wasn’t it?”

I think this secret belongs to Min. If I’m not mistaken, in her extra episode between Ch. 1 and 2, we learn that the competition to become the Ultimate Student is incredibly difficult. While Min is smart, that alone doesn’t guarantee that she’ll win the title. So, I believe that Min poisoned one, if not multiple of her peers to become the Ultimate Student. We’ve already seen her dark side through her murder of Xander, so is it that far of a stretch? I also think the word competition is important, as the only other character who’d really have “Competition” is Levi, as the fashion industry is incredibly cut throat, but that aside, the evidence is almost nonexistent (At least from what I remember).

“You only took on your talent to distract from your incessant need to harm yourself for fun.”

I think this secret belongs to Veronika. We already know that she treats this killing game as, well, a game. She doesn’t take any situation seriously, and seems a lot like Junko, where she finds everything boring within seconds. Therefore, she started harming herself. However, as the Ultimate Horror Fanatic, I think it truly fits her personality of getting bored easily. Good horror finds a way to surprise you no matter if you know the tropes or not, and surprises = no boredom. It’s an almost comedic reasoning, but it truly fits her in my opinion.

“You were quite the hopeless child. Dying once wasn’t enough, so you attempted three times.”

I think this is Hu. I know this secret being Hu’s is a popular theory, although admittedly I don’t follow many DRDT theories so I’m not exactly sure why, so my reasoning may or may not overlap.

Hu states in the trial that if she can’t protect people, be that motherly role that she makes herself out to be, she won’t be useful anymore. I think she knows how it feels and wants to give everyone else comfort and support, which is why she gets on to Arei and Ace for their cruelty. It also fits with David stating that “[Hu] may not be the strong, noble person she makes herself out to be,” as, speaking from experience, those thoughts definitely makes the victim feel as though they are weak.

“You’re a murderer, and you hold no remorse.”

Teruko. I think this is Teruko. She is a pretty remorseless person in general, straight up pushing Min off of her as she pleads and begs for forgiveness moments before being excecuted. And no, that’s not the murder I’m talking about. I think the victim is the mystery girl Teruko’s been dreaming about. I don’t have real evidence, but this is definitely a gut feeling.

“You’re constantly blaming yourself for the death of your parents and siblings. It doesn’t matter that it’s not your fault, just that you didn’t go with them.”

This leaves Levi. Levi talks about being a better person a lot, and blaming himself may be the reason he feels like he has to. And with his slight outlashes at Ace during trials, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a trauma response.

So! That’s my thoughts, I hope you guys enjoyed my rambles! Again, if anything said contradicts canon, just know I didn’t fact check all of this, especially Levi’s section… I do think I remember him talking about family with Eden and it not being a sore subject, but hey. I’m actually pretty confident with the rest, especially Hu and Min.

So, yeah! I think that’s about it. Bye!~

[dairy-farmer]

You know what's awesome and enough people don't seem to consider? DamiTim where Damian "solves" his succession crises issues with courtship. See his biggest threat as The Heir Of Batman is unquestionably Tim, he knows this, he HATES this. But! He can ALSO admit to a long list of admirable qualities in Drake, including his good looks and excellent management of Wayne Industries.

He's also said "🖕Fuck You" to Damian's grandfather via explosives on multiple occasions, which... is VERY pleasing.

The only issue Damian comes to realize (and it admittedly is a considerable issue), is that they are competing. Were Drake unrelated to the mantle of the Bat he would like him A LOT.

Then one day he looks at Tim's medical file more closely then he has in the past. Not for weaknesses or specific emergency medical information, perhaps just curiosity. And? Drake, while he clearly identifies as a man, IS one... never went for the surgeries. He has a-...

A thought springs up in Damians mind.

Spouses support one another, do they not? Share in each other's burdens? If Drake were to be MARRIED to him... then Damian would be the unchallenged Heir. Would be able to have powerful heirs of his own. They could be... unstoppable. And it's not like Drake is a Wayne, he's emancipated and not Wayne by blood. But... he could be by marriage.

Father would love it. Tim is favored despite his distance. Father is forever trying to pull him back into the fold. This would tie him firm back into them family. Would GROW the family. A child from Timothy would be beloved, favored above all other contenders. His Heir would never need to fear for or doubt his place.

And beyond that? He could... he would... How had it never occurred to him before? Did he simply not allow himself to imagine the impossible? Sharp eyes and cutting wit, pressed suits and form fitting armor. Skin just as marked by battle as his own. Hands that graceful, certain, skilled things that wouldn't flinch back from his skin.

A slight chest, androgynous in form like some ancient divine statue. So accustomed to pain, he would likely have no idea what to do with pleasure. Displeased with his form, having no one to worship at his alters. Damian could fix that. He has become a skilled man.

He could learn what makes Timothy gasp, what makes him clench and jolt, whimper or beg. Learn to tease out ever drop of pleasure that body has in it, until Timothy can think or move no longer. Bury himself then, deep inside the wet and whimpering depths of his body, and fill him with more.

The thoughts racing through his head are obscene. His desires growing swiftly depraved. Where to even start? Damian start plotting his courtship even as thoughts of tying Timothy to his bed, fucking him till he's full, plugging him up and KEEPING him like that until it takes, dance around his head. He would be so beautiful. Damian could paint it. Capture forever his magnificent and depraved undoing. Just for him. Only him.

!!! damian being obsessed with tim is always so good!!!!!!!!!😩😩😩😩 why be enemies when you can just make that man your wife and breed him full of your babies!!!!!!!!!! i love this sort of damian where he's fixated on owning and possessing tim not only to eliminate competition, but because of the genuine sexual attraction and tension between them and thinking of how magnificent tim is once he gets rid of the haze of competition between them 😩😩😩❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!!!!!!

[robertreich]

Why Does Flying Suck so Much? 

You might not believe this, but I’m old enough to remember when flying was fun.

Now I'm sure you've got your own airline horror stories, which I hope you’ll share. But what happened to make flying such a nightmare?

The answer is simple: the same things happening across most industries. In fact, a close look at airlines reveals five of the biggest problems with our economy.

Number 1: Consolidation means fewer choices.

While there were once many more airlines, a series of mergers and acquisitions over the last three decades has left only four in control of about 80% of the market.

This kind of consolidation has been happening all over the economy. For example, four companies now control 80% of all beef production, and two control over 60% of all paper products. This lack of competition has led to:

Number 2: Companies Charging More for Less

Even before recent airfare spikes, air travel was getting more expensive because of new fees for things that used to be free, like in-flight meals, checked bags, or even carry-ons.

Spirit Airlines even charges $25 to print your boarding pass at a ticket counter! It’s just a piece of paper!

One of the ugliest ad-ons is the fee some airlines charge for families to sit together. That doesn’t even cost them anything!

Airlines are leading an economy-wide trend of adding often unexpected new charges to goods and services without adding value.

And you’re getting less in return. Airlines have cut an estimated 8 inches of legroom and two inches of seat width in the last two decades. Doesn’t bother me (I’m short), but many of you may feel the squeeze.

This parallels other industries where you’re paying more for less — just look at how cereal boxes, rolls of toilet paper, and candy bars are all shrinking.

Number 3: Exploiting Workers

While their jobs have become more difficult, many flight attendants haven’t had a raise in years.

And a lot of their hardest work is totally unpaid, because most flight attendants don’t get paid during the boarding process. They’re off the clock until the plane’s doors close.

And if the flight is delayed, those are often extra hours for no extra money.

Again, this mirrors trends in the overall economy, where too many workers are pushed into unpaid overtime or made to do work or be on call during their off hours.

Number 4: The Illusion of Scarcity

Airlines pretend they have no choice but to raise prices, cut services, and limit payroll. But their profits are in the stratosphere. In the five years before the pandemic, the top 5 airlines were flush enough to pay shareholders $45 billion, largely through stock buybacks.

During the pandemic, they got a $54 billion bailout from taxpayers (you’re welcome).

In the years since, they’ve resumed flying high, with nearly $10 billion in net profit expected across the industry in 2023. They can afford to take care of workers and customers.

Whether it’s multi-millionaire movie moguls pretending they can’t afford to pay writers or a grocery chain blaming “inflation” for high prices while raking in record profits, this illusion of scarcity is a sham.

Number 5: Misdirected Rage

Instead of being mad at the people at the top, we’ve been tricked into being mad at each other. Fights have broken out over whether it’s ok to recline a seat or who gets overhead bin space. But reclining’s only an issue because airlines intentionally put the seats too close together. And bin space is only running out because they’ve made it expensive to check bags — and also risky, with the rate of lost bags doubling over the last year.

Airlines are pitting us against each other the same way billionaires and their political lackeys pit groups against each other in society, hoping we’ll blame unions or immigrants or people of other races or religions or gender identities for why it’s so hard to get ahead, and that we won’t notice how much wealth and power is in the hands of so few.

So what do we do?

A lot of these problems could be solved with tougher antitrust enforcement — which we are starting to see. The Justice Dept is suing to block JetBlue from buying Spirit Airlines. We need that kind of anti-monopoly protection across the board.

Another part of the solution is unions. Airline workers are among the wave of American workers organizing to demand better pay and working conditions.

And then there’s your power as an informed consumer. Companies get away with bad behavior when we accept their excuses that there’s just no other way to run a business. They’re counting on us not knowing what’s really going on. So share this video, and share your airline stories in the comments.

Finally, try to be a little nicer to service workers and your fellow passengers — on planes and in life. After all, we’re all on this journey together.

[neuroticbookworm]

*deep breath* FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Alright, I'm gonna make my case for the Bad Buddy Rooftop Kiss. This is probably gonna be the most personal I've ever been on this hellsite.

Let's get this out of the way. I loved Kinnporsche. I honestly did (even though it might not look like it since this is the second time I'm passionately campaigning against the show). I loved it so much that I made my very busy best friend, @tonysteve25 who is planning their wedding, make up the time to talk to me so I can rant for two hours about the show (no need to judge me, I know y'all are equally crazy)

I'm gonna strip the plot to the basics and then build my argument, so if I end up reiterating a lot of themes that are already discussed, apologies in advance

Bad Buddy is, at its core, a Romeo and Juliet retelling. Set in a fairly conservative Asian country, and produced by a media industry whose brand of storytelling often involves an AU-esque setting where homophobia does not exist. We are shown time and again that Pat and Pran's friends and family do not have a problem with them being in a same-sex relationship.

So the conflict comes from the history their families have with each other. As a South Asian cinephile, I've watched this trope play out so many times with heterosexual couples that I'm sure it has unwittingly become a part of my brain chemistry. Oftentimes, the reasons why the families are feuding are so over the top that every shred of relatability gets thrown out the window.

In Bad Buddy's case, the reason is kept simple, albeit childish in the beginning. A business rivalry between the two families, and as a result, the boys are also pitted against each other. This simplicity gives way to a lot of levity in the beginning, but as the story progresses, the real strength of this narrative starts seeping through. This show is relatable. Almost too relatable.

The constant pressure to outperform the other in every way, be it academics, sports, or romance; the expectation on Pat to follow his dad's footsteps and match his achievements, even in a dumb singing competition; the guilt that permeates every moment of joy they feel in their relationship, because they are always aware that they are actively disappointing their parents; the quiet, painful realization in the later episodes that they will never be accepted into each other's families, no matter how hard they try; the revelation that the root of the conflict came from a scholarship stolen from a woman, to satisfy the expectations of a patriarch.

Every statement above is the reality of so many Asians living their lives right now. I personally know couples who have been cut off from their families for over 20 years because they don't approve of their love/marriage. I have peers who blindly follow the career path charted for them by their parents because it is easier than resisting and doing something they actually like. A lot of us are left feeling unmoored and struggling to define our self worth in the real world, after we leave academia, because that is all we are ever taught: your grades indicate how worthy you are.

Now, I know not a single word above argues why the kiss is the best, but I'm getting there. Stay with me now. Many people more talented than me have argued the specifics of the kiss, the reasons why it grabbed us by our throats the first time we saw it, and why we are still on that rooftop with them. The reasons submitted in the poll describe it so eloquently, beat by beat (edit: I found out that it was witten by @tiistirtipii, here). @respectthepetty begs us not to disappoint Pat again here, @lurkingshan dives deep into the character analysis and why the kiss is the perfect culmination of narration, pacing, and the characters' journey here, @waitmyturtles explores the importance of foreplay, the 'how did we get here' before the kiss, here.

What I want to draw attention to are two things. One: how this kiss was executed in such a way that all of their deeper struggles are woven into the microexpressions, so when you rewatch the show, all of the added context makes it so much more heartbreaking.

Let's be clear here, Pat and Pran did not get a happily ever after. They did not break all of the chains that were weighing them down. Pat went on to follow his father into the business (who also followed his father into it). They have to keep their relationship a secret, with no end in sight. Even in the end, the audience is shown only a hidden, reluctant acceptance from the parents, not an open love.

Pat and Pran's relationship will always be bittersweet. And the kiss shows it. The fact that the kiss was the very last shot to be filmed is no coincidence. The actors know how it ends, they have already performed it. They also know that the characters in this moment know it too. They have lived all their lives playing their families' games, they know that if they take this leap of faith, then they are willingly giving up so many little moments in life, even something so mundane as entering each other's house through the front door. And we can see it, see all of it clearly in Pran's face. Pran, who plans every detail of his life. Pran, who is also in love with his rival for who knows how long. And then we see it in Pat's face too, if only after a moment, because that's the way he is. Pat, who has looked at Pran all his life as a rival, a bandmate, a secret friend. Pat, who is the only one who can completely understand Pran, his anger and grief and devastation, because they only have each other in this wretched game. We see his face fall, and we see confusion cloud his happiness.

This kiss is the perfect summation of their relationship, shown at the very beginning of it. They can have desire, but be riddled with guilt. They can have happiness, but only in secrecy.

Two: how this kiss did more for Asian queer representation than we can ever comprehend.

I was not present in the Tumblr trenches with y'all when the show originally aired, but I've read many, many posts about how it broke the internet. Western media often fucks up queer characters because they don't write fully fleshed out characters who happen to also be queer. They place enormous emphasis on the character's queerness, and end up writing a stereotypical cardboard cutout in the shape of a queer person. Complex queer representation is hard to come by, add Asian into the mix and the pool gets laughably small.

In the episodes leading up to the kiss, we see the characters get fleshed out, their struggles explored, but they are also deeply rooted in the middle class Asianness of it all. I know it is ironic to say that other shows from Thailand are less Asian than this one, but the struggles of a queer mafia boss/rich businessman/heir to the corporate throne protagonists can sometimes be a tad out of touch for the general populace, and we can only feel so much nostalgia for our school days before we are tired of the saccharine sugar high.

When I saw this kiss for the first time, my eyes teared up, not because these gay characters are having a hard time, but because I could feel their pain, irrespective of my sexuality. I knew deep in my bones how a kiss can simultaneously feel like freedom and a lifelong trap. And I'm sure so many others felt it too. The kiss went viral because it was a perfect representation of so many struggles of Asians and the diaspora (and beyond), and it happened to be queer.

I don't know how the results will tally up when the clock runs out, but I hope we can chalk up a honest-to-goodness happy ending for them, if only in a silly Tumblr poll.

cc @bl-bracket, here ya go, a very long and rambling campaign propaganda

[umseb]

vettel to mercedes?! 👀 | sebastian vettel reveals dicussions for f1 return [part 1/2] - 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "Yeah, it's great to join Sebastian Vettel live on Sky Sports News ahead of the Japanese Grand Prix, which is a favorite circuit of yours, obviously, Sebastian. But, I mean, what a career you've had. You've been out of F1 for a year and a bit now, but four times a world champion, 53 times you sprayed champagne or sparkling rose water from the top step of the podium. But it's a different beverage which brings you to London today. What's the big concept?" Seb: "Yeah, so there was the time where I was spraying champagne. Obviously, racing in Formula 1 at the highest level, it's an environment where you're looking for perfection, so you're trying to tune everything you can, and it's also your body. You try to train as good as you can, you try to eat as well as you can, and you try to have the best drink inside the car that gives you the energy for the full two hours. It's trying all sorts of stuff-powders, gels-and they didn't really work, but they came, mostly-and that's the problem-with side effects. I suffered stomach cramps. Speaking to other drivers, they felt similar; other athletes. So it seemed to be a thing, and it was only until the end of my career where I stumbled across a product that is now Perple, a sports drink that didn't do that, that didn't give me any suffering, and giving me the energy towards the end of the race. So I was curious why that is and got to know the person behind- the founder, the story, and got involved, as well, invested, so… I think the biggest surprise to me was that the industry of sports drinks, all your supplements and so on, is not regulated. There's a lot of synthetic stuff that people are taking in every day. These are expensive products, and they're trying to optimize their performance, whether it's your cyclist that goes for one or two rides a week, whether it's the occasional runner, squash player, but then also your professional, and that's where Perple now kicks in. And Perple, not with U but with E, and it stands for P-E-R-P-L-E, performance and pleasure, and it's an all-natural product so you're not putting any of this rubbish stuff into your body. So yeah, give it a go. I'm a big fan of it, obviously, and I think obviously proving it in the testing ground of the car, it did make a difference and I hope people are giving it a go and see what they think." Interviewer: "Sustainable fuel for the body, I guess." Seb: "It is! It's a good comparison, yeah, it is. Yeah." Interviewer: [laughs] "But, I mean…" Seb: "And people become more and more aware that the stuff that we used to consume, eat, drink, maybe isn't doing the trick, so that's where stuff like this offers an alternative." Interviewer: "Okay. Well, I wanna know how sustainable you are, Sebastian, because you're only 36."

Seb: "Yeah." Interviewer: "You've only been out of Formula 1 for a year and a bit. Are you potentially on the driver market for next season?" Seb: "Well, potentially I am because I haven't got a ride, but the question is am I looking for one. I think it depends on the package. I retired from Formula 1 not to come back, but I also did say that you never know, so I think it still stands. Obviously there's things that I miss, which is mostly the competition, and things that I don't miss, so yeah, that hasn't changed. Obviously life is very different if you're not involved, and I do enjoy that still. Still trying lots of different things. Now we're talking about a sports drink. I didn't think [laughs] years ago that this will be something I'll be talking about in the future or be involved in, but you never know where life's taking you, so maybe it takes me back behind the wheel, maybe it doesn't." Interviewer: "I'm just thinking, might it be now or never? As I say, you're still young. It looks like some interesting potential opportunities on the grid for next season. There's a rule change coming in, as well, with some sustainable aspects which you have promoted. I know you've had some conversations with Toto Wolff. If that Mercedes seat was offered to you, how hard would it be to turn down?" Seb: "Well, I had conversations with him, not really about a seat. We did speak about the whole situation, in short, as well, but I did speak to others, as well, because I'm still keeping in touch every now and then. I have some projects and ideas together with F1. We'll see if they will turn out or not, but yeah, so I am staying in touch. I don't know. It has to be a couple more phone calls and conversations, I guess, to really, yeah, find out a little bit more. But for sure it's one of the best cockpits, or best seats, on the grid. I think, performance-wise, Mercedes has a great track record. Struggling a little bit in the last years, but then struggle, you're still second or third in the constructor's, it's not like you're racing in no man's land." Interviewer: "Well, Lewis Hamilton was prepared to leave that car…" Seb: "Yeah." Interviewer: "…even though he had another year on the contract. Going to Ferrari, what sort of fit might he be at that team? He's a big individual and we know it's very much about the team at Ferrari. Is that any…" Seb: "Well, it's true. I think it's about the team everywhere you go. Obviously each to their own, but I think it is a team sport and I think someone like Lewis has said that over and over again, thanking the team around him. I think, without Mercedes, Lewis' career would have been very different. Mine, too. [laughs] But that's how it goes. No regrets. [laughs] No, no. But yeah, I think time will tell. I think if he's excited, that's the main thing. It was ultimately his decision and he took it for himself, so best of luck. I know the team in Ferrari, and yeah, obviously for us or for the outside, the measure is always whether you're successful or not, but the real measure I think is whether Lewis is happy or not."

[mitigatedchaos]

Poll: Gender in Night City

There are a lot of gangs in Cyberpunk 2077. With some gangs, like the Valentinos, almost half of the gang members are women. In real life, any homicide is much more likely to have been committed by a man. What gives?

A) With the final achievement of gender equality, women are no longer pressured to conform to restrictive gender roles, freeing them up to pursue what they have always wanted most - murder.

B) Arasaka paid off environmental officials rather than install the €$3.2M scrubber system to remove industrial pseudoandrogens from the runoff of their production lines. The entire water supply of Night City is tainted with hormone disruptors and/or synthetic hormones.

C) Overuse of cosmetic cyberware, widely marketed to women, results in chronic low-grade cyberpsychosis. Due to sexism, cyberpsychosis is under-studied in women, especially because it's more likely to manifest in joining a boostergang than mowing down an entire busload of school children.

D) Almost everyone in Night City is using a hormone scheduler implant to alter their hormonal balance in order to get an advantage in the city's cutthroat competitive business environment. The effect is more pronounced on women, but society there leans masculine so this is broadly considered a good thing. This is causing subtle systemic social issues that no one can be bothered to deal with.

E) A strain of micro-organisms originally developed as part of a treatment protocol for transgender individuals got loose in the environment - 30 years ago. This is just how gender is now. Only old people remember otherwise, and everyone else just rolls their eyes whenever anyone over 45 starts complaining about it.

F) Presenting as the opposite sex in a social group provides a social advantage the more that said sex is in the minority in that field. XX and XY have become decoupled from appearance as every field in Night City approaches 50% presentation balance. Ripper docs are just that good.

G) Due to feminist lobbying, Night City laws dramatically reduce criminal sentencing for gender-equal organizations, all the way from street gangs to megacorps. Cross-gender employment is easy money in a city where easy money is hard to come by.

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

Hiii 💌 sorry it took so mad long! I had busy weeks and even lack of inspirations. Hope that you still enjoy it and thank you so much for the request!

The night market

❒ words: 2.5k+

❒ summary: In which Chaeri and Jungkook sneak out of the dorms during the trainee period

❒ genre: Fluff; Slice of life

❒ warnings: mentions of poker

April 2013

Chaeri had been in a sour mood all day. 

She had sulked from the time she woke up for breakfast, to the hours spent practicing choreography for their debut concept, and even when she came back to the dorms. 

That's why Namjoon was surprised when he leaned in to kiss her temple goodbye and noticed her smirk instead of a scowl.

The bad temper seemed to have slipped away from her, which would usually make him suspicious that she was up to something; a troublemaker without equal.

But when Chaeri met his gaze, her eyes were so gentle and pure, he told himself she likely just grasped the situation and wasn't angry anymore

The day before, the older members of the group received an unexpected invitation from some staff members to join them for a friendly game of poker. Excitement filled the air as they discussed the invitation among themselves, looking forward to a night of camaraderie and friendly competition.

However, as they considered the nature of the game, they collectively decided that it wouldn't be suitable for Jungkook and Chaeri to participate. Poker involves betting and gambling, and they felt it would be more appropriate for the two youngest members, who were still in their mid-teens, to abstain from such activities, who had not been very cooperative with their decision. Jungkook had quickly given up on the idea; Chaeri had given everyone a hard time until just before.

The living room's chandelier flickered and dimmed, reminding Namjoon he needed to get a new bulb soon.

"You know I'm sorry," he said, gazing into her eyes "But it's an evening for..."

"Adults!" Taehyung, ever the bratty he was, came up behind them on his way out of the dorms. 

"Aged or nearly so", Namjoon added with an apologetic smile.

Chaeri rolled her eyes at Taehyung's comment but didn't say anything.

"It's okay, enjoy yourselves"

"We will" Namjoon said, eyeing Chaeri with a look of worry "Chaeri," he spoke in an authoritative yet caring voice, "I know you’re mature, but please remember to take care of yourselves while we're away. Lock all the doors and windows. There are snacks in the kitchen—help yourself but be mindful about how much junk food you eat."

Namjoon's gaze grew more serious. "If anyone comes to the door, don't open it unless you recognize them. Your safety is the most important thing; if anything feels wrong or if you need help, call one of us right away - me or any of the oppas. Don't hesitate to reach out, okay?"

He smiled and patted her on the head. "You'll be fine, Chaeri. Jungkook is here with you, and I trust both of you to look out for each other. Have a good evening, and we'll be back before you know it."

With a nod, Chaeri watched as the older members of BTS filed out of the dorm, leaving her - and Jungkook who was in the other room - alone.

Chaeri was not about to stay in, especially when the others had treated her and Jungkook like kids. If they were old enough to debut in the entertainment industry, they were old enough to play poker. 

Once the sounds of the boys straying in the alleyway had become faint, she made her way to the room, where all of them slept on bunk beds every night.

Jungkook was perched atop one of the beds, his head almost brushing against the ceiling. He had a comic book in his hands and was studying its black-and-white images.

Chaeri watched him for a moment, debating whether to tell him what she was planning. Jungkook always followed what the older members told him to do, perhaps with a little convincing she would be able to persuade him to join her.

She tiptoed up onto the creaky lower mattress to get a better look at Jungkook, who was sprawled across the top bunk. He snapped out of his comic book when he noticed her looking at him "You're bored" he said.

"Utterly and completely bored—can you tell?" She sighed

"Since the hyungs are gone, we have access to the TV. Want to watch a movie?"

"Actually...I had something else in mind"

Jungkook looked at her curiously, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"They left to play poker and did not allow us to go with them. They said we're not allowed to play because we're too young. It's not fair"

""I still don't understand what you're trying to say. What's on your mind?"

"I was thinking...we could sneak out and find our own way to have fun," Chaeri suggested, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Jungkook's eyes widened in surprise at her suggestion. He glanced nervously around the small dorm, as if the others could appear at any second to catch them in the act. "But what if they find out? They told us not to leave the dorms"

Chaeri shrugged, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "Isn't that all the more reason to do it? They treat us like children all the time. We deserve to have some fun on our own"

An eagerness was slowly growing within him and he nodded in agreement."Okay, let's do it. But...where are we going to go?"

"To play poker!"

Excitement pulsed through Chaeri as she and Jungkook slipped out of the dorms and into the cool night air. They walked briskly, eager to find a club or bar where they could play poker.

However, their excitement was short-lived as they quickly discovered that every club they tried to enter turned them away, citing their age as the reason. They had no luck at the first club, or the second, or even the third.

As they walked down the dimly lit street, Chaeri's mood started to sour once more. She had been so sure that they would be able to find a place to play poker, but now it seemed like all their efforts were in vain.

"This is stupid," she grumbled, kicking a pebble down the pavement.

Jungkook glanced at Chaeri, seeing her frustration and disappointment. He understood her desire to prove themselves as capable and independent, but it seemed that their age was indeed a barrier they couldn't overcome.

"I know it's frustrating, Chaeri" Jungkook said, his voice sympathetic. "But maybe they were right. Maybe we are too young for this kind of thing."

Chaeri halted in her steps, turning to look at Jungkook with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me you're giving up too?"

Jungkook shook his head quickly, holding up his hands in surrender. "No, not at all. I just think that we should maybe consider doing something else. Something that won't get us into trouble"

Chaeri let out a huff of frustration, but she knew deep down that he was right. They couldn't keep searching for a club that would let them play poker; they needed to find a different way to pass the time.

"Fine," she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you suggest, then?"

Jungkook's lips parted in a smile, his eyes twinkling as he spoke. "Let's go to the night market!"

Chaeri tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "Night market? What kind of place is that?" She asked, intrigued by the unfamiliar term.

Jungkook let out a laugh and replied “It’s a huge marketplace at night! There are vendors selling all sorts of food and drinks, there are carnival-style games and rides, and some shops sell really unique goods. It’s one of my favorite places to go” He said as he hopped onto the nearest subway station platform.

Chaeri followed him curiously as she felt a spark of excitement light up inside her chest. She had grown up all her life in France, so any opportunity to immerse herself into Korean culture was highly welcomed. Jungkook began talking animatedly about all the interesting foods they could try at the night market, and she couldn't help but feel impressed by his knowledge of their native culture.

Deprived by her mother of her native culture and language, she had instead come to learn all about European culture; yet despite being Korean, by her teenage years she understood surprisingly little about her homeland.

As they rode the subway, he pointed out the city sights that caught his eye, ranging from ancient monuments to modern-day skyscrapers. Chaeri listened with rapt attention, feeling a sense of pride swell in her heart at seeing the city through an experienced local’s eyes.

Finally, the subway doors slid open, and they stepped out into the lively atmosphere of the night market. 

Chaeri's senses were immediately overwhelmed by the kaleidoscope of sights and sounds surrounding her. Above, strings of multicolored neon lights formed a mesmerizing constellation, casting an ethereal glow over the bustling crowd below. The air was alive with the infectious beats of K-pop music, their rhythmic melodies intertwining with the joyful laughter and chatter of the visitors.

Chaeri walked beside Jungkook, her eyes darting from one intriguing stall to another. The tantalizing aroma of street food wafted through the air, mingling with the scents of exotic spices and sizzling grills. Her mouth watered at the sight of vendors skillfully flipping skewers of succulent meat and frying golden dumplings.

Although Chaeri couldn't read most of the Korean characters on the signs, she attempted to decipher them, occasionally stumbling over unfamiliar words. She wished she had a better grasp of her mother tongue; speaking for her was easier, though occasionally she stumbled over words or mispronounced them. She felt a little ashamed for not knowing more about her Korean heritage.

Throughout the evening, Chaeri kept tugging at Jungkook's sleeve to ask questions about certain dishes, inscriptions, and trinkets that drew her interest.

"Kook!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm to halt their steps.

Jungkook turned towards her, following her gaze to a nearby stall adorned with an array of handmade jewelry. The owner, a skilled artisan, meticulously threaded delicate beads of various colors and designs, creating stunning pieces that sparkled under the glow of the market lights. Chaeri's eyes widened with fascination.

"Let's go check it out," he suggested, and Chaeri eagerly followed him to the stand.

As they approached the jewelry stall, Chaeri's eyes widened with wonder as she took in the intricate designs and shimmering pieces showcased. The array of jewelry sparkled under the warm glow of the stall's lights, casting enchanting reflections on Chaeri's face.

Jungkook could not help but think that at that moment, she looked more beautiful than usual and even blushed at his thoughts.

Among the captivating collection, Chaeri's gaze was caught by a small hairpin adorned with a delicate arrangement of tiny pearls and jewels intricately intertwined with strands of glistening gold wire. Mesmerized, she reached out and delicately picked up the hairpin, holding it up to the light to observe its craftsmanship. Every delicate detail seemed to tell a story, a testament to the artisan's skill and the beauty of the materials used.

"It's so beautiful," Chaeri breathed, her voice filled with awe. The combination of pearls, jewels, and gold created a stunning harmony that seemed to dance with the light. "I've never seen anything like it before."

When she lived with her mother in France, beautiful jewelry and accessories were never lacking, but she had never owned something so lovely

Jungkook couldn't help but smile, his heart warmed by Chaeri's enchantment. He knew he wanted to see her happiness bloom even further. "Do you want it?" he asked, his voice laced with a gentle eagerness.

Chaeri's eyes darted back to the hairpin, conflicted by her desire and the presumed cost that accompanied such intricate craftsmanship. She hesitated, her fingertips gently tracing the contours of the design. "I don't know... it's probably too expensive" she admitted

Jungkook, determined to make her dreams come true, reached into his pocket and retrieved a handful of coins and bills. His fingers swiftly counted the money. "I think we have enough" he said confidently, a hint of mischief playing on his lips.

Chaeri's curiosity piqued, and she couldn't help but inquire, "Where did you get all this money from?"

Jungkook's grin widened as he revealed his secret. "I collected it from the swear jar" he confessed, his voice filled with playful pride. 

Chaeri's eyes widened in surprise, remembering the times when their friends would playfully scold each other and contribute money to the jar as a lighthearted way to discourage swearing.

She couldn't help but burst out in laughter at Jungkook's brattiness, feeling proud for him for not following the rules for once. 

Jungkook's smile only grew wider at the sound of her laughter. He gave her a playful nudge with his elbow. "So, do you want it?" he asked again, gesturing to the hairpin. 

She knew it was silly to spend so much money on a hairpin, but she couldn't resist the temptation. "Yes, I want it" she said, her eyes sparkling with joy.

Jungkook slid a stack of coins across the wooden countertop to the stall owner, who bowed his head in gratitude and carefully nestled the hairpin in a small velvet bag. 

As she opened the delicate envelope and revealed the treasure within, Jungkook's eyes never left her. He watched in awe as her face lit up with pure delight, her eyes widening as she beheld the intricate craftsmanship of the hairpin. With a graceful movement, she secured it into her dark, silky hair, effortlessly blending tradition with modern beauty.

Using a small hand mirror, Chaeri admired herself, turning this way and that to catch the light of a nearby lantern. The soft glow illuminated her radiant skin, creating an ethereal aura around her. The hairpin, now nestled amidst her locks, sparkled brilliantly, accentuating her features and enhancing her innate beauty. It was as if the accessory had been tailor-made for her.

Jungkook found himself captivated by her, unable to tear his gaze away. 

In that moment, as their eyes met in the flickering light, time seemed to stand still. The bustling market faded into the background, and for an instant, it was just the two of them.

"Chaeri-ya, that hairpin you're wearing is beautiful. When did you get it?" 

Jin's compliment caught Chaeri off guard, causing her to falter in her movements. She momentarily forgot the lie she had prepared. "Um, I got it a while ago," she replied, her voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

Jin raised an eyebrow, a look of curiosity on his face. "Really? I don't remember seeing it before."

"I don't wear it often. Why are you so interested? It's just a hairpin. Do you want one too oppa?" she teased, returning to look in the mirror in front of her as she rehearsed for the umpteenth time the most difficult movements of the debut choreography.

"I was asking out of curiosity - You know.. the money from the swear jar was gone this morning"

Chaeri had to suppress a giggle, looking only for a moment into the eyes of the older member "Who knows, try asking Taehyung. I heard him say he wanted to borrow it." She had set out to make her best friend pay for the way he enjoyed the fact that he could play poker and she could not

"Aish, that little brat.. TAEHYUNG-AH!"

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @enchantingbrowneyedgirl | @ycuvi

[ayelbee]

hey! can i request a fic where kylian is engaged to his actress + model gf (reader) and one night out with all of their friends, the gf finds out that kylian had dated model imaan hammam (reader's competition / enemy) which makes the gf feel insecure, assumes the worst of their current relationship and end the engagement which leaves a desperate kylian trying to run around to try and fix the relationship

thanks in advance if you take this up! (:

BROKEN | K. MBAPPÉ | ONE SHOT

Summary: request

TW: a few course words, low self-esteem of a reader, mentions of toxic relationship, the reader being emotional mess

Notes: 1. thank you for the request<3 2. This is the longest thing i have ever written in english, so once again i am sorry for my grammar mistakes... i am not really sure about my writing skills when it comes to low self-esteem, so read this on your own risk.

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Being insecure was one of the things you hated the most about yourself. You knew where did that come from and that was also the reason why you hated that so much.

You were a student when you got your first role, it wasn't even a big one and due to that you never knew how much blow-up you will. But you did, there was no way you were staying at school but there was also no way that you would handle this without a manager. You were young and naive so you signed up a contract with the first agent that gave you an offer. You signed up a contract with Thomas.

Thomas was just a few years older than you, he was handsome and very likable. But most importantly he knew how this industry worked. Everyone loved him and after a few months of working with him, you loved him too.

He was your first real love, at least you thought that back then.

After a few months of dating him, he turned into a different person. His manager side of personality kicked in.

He started telling you how you could become a model since you have already done some shots for a few magazines. But he told you that you could do runways, be in Vogue and become a face of these luxury brands.

Just if you could lose some weight

die your hair

change your style

stop wearing glasses

and this list could continue...

And because the little girl in you believed him, you did all of the things he wanted. And after another few months, you were a whole new person. You were in more and more magazines, but you lost yourself on the way there. You didn't even like the person in a mirror that you became.

After all you didn't know who you were and he didn't really care. Because all he cared for was the money he made from you and he wasn't even trying to make things look like he cared about you. But love is blind and you really loved him.

You loved him until you saw him with another girl, with a real model, in YOUR apartment, in YOUR OWN bed.

You found out that he was seeing her since the second month that you two have been dating. Every time you had work away, where he couldn't go because of his "other clients" he was with her. He was taking her on these expensive trips, that he paid with YOUR money and she knew it.

So that was the story that fucked your trust and your mental health but mostly it broke your heart.

Then you met Kylian. A sweet, loving, caring french guy that showed you how real love really looked. He repaired your heart. Heart, that he didn't break. He showed you how to love yourself, and he helped you to find yourself again. Because he truly loved you.

He gave you a fairytale that you have dreamed of since you were a child. And now, two and half years later since you met him you were engaged. Some people would tell you that you were too young for an engagement and that you didn't even know each other that well. But those speeches were lies. Because you and Kylian knew that you two belong with each other. You won't find another two people on Earth that are meant to be together as much as you two are.

------------

"Kylian" you called for your fiancee as you were looking inside your closet.

"What Cheri." his head appeared in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"I don't know what to wear." you complained. You were going out with Achraf and Hiba tonight. "Help me." you looked at him with a desperate face. Kylian just laughed coming closer to you as he wrapped his hand around your waist.

"Let me take a look." now he slightly pushed you away as he started searching in your closet. "Pants or dress?"

"I don't know." you hummed into his back.

"Okay, I've got an idea." he stepped back as he placed a black mini skirt on your hands. He turned around and went straight to his closet where he started to search for something, after a few seconds he was back with his shirt. "And you do your magic now." he smirked.

------------

"Here are our love birds," Hiba said as you two reached the table in your favorite restaurant. You greeted the other pair with a hug and a few words.

"I hope that you didn't wait for us too long. But Kylian called the uber too late." both of them laughed, while Kylian gave you disapproving look.

"Well I would call it sooner if you didn't need my help." he was playing offended now.

"I needed you like for three seconds so shus." you placed a kiss on his cheek. That always worked since he was such a sucker for you.

------------

Two glasses of wine later you were watching Hiba's phone as she was showing you some pictures of their kids. You took your eyes off the phone screen for a moment to look at Kylian. He seemed to sense your gaze and looked into your eyes. You smiled because all you could think about at that moment was how one day you'd have kids together. Then you looked back at Hiba, who saw the nonverbal exchange between the two of you.

She wanted to say something but a strange voice interrupted her.

"Kylian!" a high voice came from behind Kylian, you looked in her direction. Recognizing Imaan Hammam. Your jaw almost dropped, but you didn't let anything show, staying calm from the outside.

"Imaan." he turned to stand up as he hugged her. You furrowed your brows together. His hand found yours when he sat back. Making you even more confused. "This is Y/n, my fiancee." he introduce you as you politely smiled. Which wasn't really the thing you wanted to do. After that you looked at the other couple, both of their faces were covered up in weird expressions. Something you didn't understand.

"Y/n. I'm a huge fan of yours!" she exclaimed happily. "Ever since you two became official i wanted to ask Kylian if he could introduce us, but in the end, i thought that you won't want to meet his ex." she laughed. Now your jaw dropped. Did you understand her right? Kylian squeezed your hand, while on the other hand, you loosened your grip. Hiba uncomfortably shuddered while Achraf tensed. All of a sudden you wanted to disappear. Imman was looking like she was waiting on your response, but you didn't say anything. "Will you be at the world cup Y/n?"

"Yeah, I am coming with Kylian." you awkwardly responed.

"Of course you are." she laughed again. She was probably just trying to be nice to you. But that was the last thing you were feeling. "Then maybe we could meet up there." she placed her hand on Kylian's shoulder, making you tense. You saw how Hiba squeezed Achraf's wrist, probably trying to tell him to say something.

"You are coming?" Achraf spoke to her.

"Yeah! I'm gonna be there cheering for the Marocan team to win." was she actually doing something more than just laughing? Where was her energy coming from? "Anyway guys, I'm seeing my friend over there, so I will leave you all. Enjoy your night!" she explained. You didn't even have time to breathe in and she was already gone.

"So I think that we will pay?" Hiba spoke, but you stayed silent.

------------

"Y/n." Kylian placed his hand on your tight in the car, trying to start the conversation after the unpleasant turn of the evening. You didn't respond, you just turned up the radio. You knew that you will need to talk about this later, but you didn't feel like talking about it now.

There were reasons why you were silent. Why you felt so sad, disappointed, and broken at the moment.

You were honest with Kylian from the start. He knew everything and till today you felt like you have known everything too. He knew about your relationships and you knew all about his relationships. But he had never mentioned Imman.

Never.

Why? You didn't know.

You were sure that she was an amazing and nice person, but you hated her. Because she was perfect. She was everything you weren't and why did it bother you so much? Because people were comparing the two of you all the time, always making you worse.

Everything started in 2019. That year was hell for your personal life, but also the peak of your career life. You made three movies, a few runway walks, and your first cover for Vogue that year.

First cover of Vogue was supposed to be something that will end up in your memory as a happy thing, but it didn't. Instead, it ended up as a trauma.

You were on the July cover in the UK, that same month was Imman on the cover of Italian Vogue and that was the problem. That was the moment when people started comparing you to her. Till today you remember that one tabloid, that started everything.

The whole tabloid was about how awful a person you are, who clearly doesn't belong to a fashion magazine, let alone on the runway. While on the other side why is Imman the best person in the world.

This article spread everywhere. Twitter was full of it, and your Instagram was full of it too. It was everywhere and you hated that.

The worst part was that this wave continued.

Beautiful Imman Hamman and Y/n who looks like she came straight from rehab just arrived at the British fashion awards just few minutes apart!!

Imman Hamman rocks the runway as Y/n sits in the publicum like a little fan

Why would you be fan of Y/n when you can be fan of Supermodel and activist Imaan Hammam

There were thousands of tabloids like this. But you ignored all of them since you started to date Kylian. But today when you found out about her history with Kylian, you blamed yourself for ignoring them.

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You went straight to bed after you arrived home. Your head was still full of Imman. All you wanted to do now was to go to sleep, but this wasn't in Kylian's plan.

"Mon Cheri talk to me please" Kylian sat on the bed next to you. His hand tried to find yours, but you didn't let him touch you. "just don't be silent. I am sorry that i didn't tell you about her, but it wasn't anything serious and she actually didn't mean anything to me." he was looking into your eyes, guilt visible on his face.

Kylian regrets not telling you about her. But he was serious when he told you that she didn't mean anything to him. Ever since he met you you were the only one who mattered. He would also say that he forgot about Imman. Because in his eyes, she was no one, but you were everything.

"Why did you lie to me?" you wanted to cry. You felt like all of the confidence you built in this relationship was gone that moment when Imman spoke.

"I didn't lie Y/n", I would never lie to you." now he took your hands. Starting to draw circles on your palms as he was trying to calm you down. Kylian knows everything about you. He knows how you react, he knows how you feel. He knows every single detail about you. And in this moment he saw how upset and disappointed you were in him.

"But you never mentioned her. While i told you about every man in my life.." you weren't a noisy person. Even when you were angry you never shouted. You hated aggression, and you hated fights so you've always tried to avoid these things. So even now when you wanted to scream into Kylian's face, you did nothing.

"Do you know why I didn't say anything to you, Y/N,¨? Because I'm not blind, because I've seen how they compared the two of you everywhere, making you out to be the worst thing in the world while you're the best thing in the world. Because when I met you you didn't believe in yourself, because you believed those articles and I knew if I mentioned it you'd run away from me, you wouldn't believe that I only wanted you, that I really loved you. I knew that you'd think I was lying to you while I was cheating on you with her somewhere. But it was never like that. Because right from the start, all I saw was you and no one else. And by the time you had built up your confidence and trust for me, I had forgotten about her. That's why I have never mentioned her."

"Let's go sleep." you answerd in a low tone. Kylian smiled a little. He lay down next to you, his arms wrapped around your body. You relaxed your head on the pillow as you closed your eyes.

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You weren't asleep. Your head couldn't stop thinking. Imman kept coming up in your mind over and over again. Her perfect body, perfect skin. The way she cared about others. How she does everything she can to make the world a better place. She fights for the weak, she fights for the sick, and she would fight for Kylian.

You could have tried your best, but you would never have been as perfect as her. You could give yourself away, but you still wouldn't give as much to the world as she did.

After you heard Kylian's calm breathing, confirming that he had fallen asleep, you slowly crept out of his embrace and moved to the bathroom with your phone. You opened your Instagram as you sat on the bathroom floor.

You just started doing something you've been forbidding yourself for the last two years. But suddenly you just had to, you know that your brain won't stop until you do it.

You started scrolling thru the comments on your latest post. There were thousands of positive comments, but your brain was able to read just the negative ones. Your heart was breaking with every hate comment. You had a lot of, not more than the positive ones, but your head didn't care

Suddenly, you found yourself stuck in a cycle where time didn't exist and you kept scrolling despite how tired you were. It wasn't just your pictures any more, it was your pictures with Kylian. Now it was also the comments under Kylian's personal posts. You don't know how it happened but suddenly you weren't on instagram anymore but you were reading one critical article after another about yourself

Your cheeks were wet with tears, your hands were shaking and it was hard to breathe now. You stopped. Frustration was vibrating thru your body. You didn't know what to the. The words started to get blurry and seconds later you were throwing your phone across the room. Phone with a bang landed right next to the sink.

And that's when it hit you. Kylian could wake up at any moment. Find out what a wreck you are, and he'd leave before the sun came up. You couldn't let it this way.

You quickly stood up making your way to the sink, where you rinsed your face with cold water. You saw a concealer on the counter so you grabbed it trying to smooth out your puffy eyes. After that, you made your way back to the bedroom where you went back to pretending that you were sleeping. Kylian's hands once again found your waist as he pulled you closer.

At that moment you made your decision, you will became better and if not, you will leave Kylian for his own good, because he deserves way better than you.

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Kylian woke up a few hours later, he though that you were still sleeping so he left without a word for training. But he didn't know you were up all night.

The moment you heard the front door slam, you rolled out of bed. Making your straight way to the storage room, where you grabbed one of the luggage, after that, you started to fill it up with clothes and the most important things you knew you needed.

You weren't packing everything, because there was still lite hope in you that you will change for Kylian and that you will come back.

24 hours ago you wouldn't do this, but now you were brainwashed after all the hours on the bathroom floor with your phone in your hands. You weren't thinking irationally, but now you didn't care. Before you left with one luggage and a giant bag you sat in the kitchen taking paper with a pen as you started writing a quick note for Kylian.

Kylian I don't deserve you, I've spent the last two years pretending I deserve you, but I don't. You deserve someone you don't have to be ashamed of, someone who's on the same level as you, and that's not me. I'm not leaving yet, I am just taking some time for myself so I can become better for you. I'm gonna try my hardest to be the one you deserve me to be. And If I am gonna fail, I am gonna completely leave your life. I'm leaving because I love you, so please don't be angry at me.

You looked at your left hand, seeing there the engagement ring that Kylian gave you. You were always running from problems as soon as they shoved up. But this time you wanted to come back and you needed motivation for it. So you took the ring off your finger and placed it next to the paper.

"I am gonna come back for you babe." you take last look around the room and you left.

Every single memory on you and Kylian flooded thru your head as you were leaving the building. All of the happy memories you shared in this flat. All of the things you were currently leaving behind, but you doing it for him, for your future together.

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Kylian came home exhausted, the only thing he currently wanted was you in his hug. He wanted that even more after the not-nice ending of yesterday's dinner. You were the one who could calm Kylian down after everything, that's why he knew how important you were to him.

He called your name, but you didn't answer. Normally you would run to him. to be the one who will start the hug. But you didn't come. Kylian furrowed his eyebrows. He was confused.

He went to the living room, but you weren't there, you weren't even in the bedroom. So where were you? Did you forget to mention to him that you had plans today? He was taking out his phone from his pocket as he reached the kitchen, where he saw something that confused him even more.

He fastly reached the table. Your ring was sitting on a small piece of paper. He grabbed it and started reading fast. With every new word he was getting more and more confused, his frustration growing only more.

Kylian was angry. He wanted to scream. What happened in your head? Why were you acting like a stupid person. Kylian started running around the apartment with fear in his eyes., only now noticing how much of your stuff was gone. This must have been a stupid joke. You have must gone crazy. He was trying to call you, but his phone was saying that your number didn't exist.

After another crazy minute, Kylian realized that you were being serious. He panicked. He didn't even notice that he started crying when he started reading your note and now his sobs were getting louder and louder.

He called Achraf, needing him now. After Achraf heard Kylian voice he knew that something was wrong. Kylian was panicking, making Achraf go as fast as possible to his place.

There he found him crying in the middle of room, which was covered in the shards from the vase Kylian angrily threw at the wall.

Kylian knew from the start how self-conscious you were. That's why he never bring Imman up. He knew how broken you were from your previous relationship, but he never thought about you getting back to this old mindset where you were nothing. Because that was the biggest lie, you have ever believed in.

You were every men's dream. You were the best thing Kylian ever had. He's never known anyone as caring, as supportive as you. You always wanted the best for other people, making you forget about yourself. You loved Kylian so much, you loved his family and they have loved you. You were the most beautiful person on the planet. You could make him smile every time. You were the one.

But now you were gone because that one man broke you. He made you believe that you weren't enough, that you were less than the others. Which was the biggest lie in the world.

Kylian hated that man, even though he never met him. If he could kill, he would kill him for breaking you. You didn't deserve this. Anyone who deserved your love should have been looking out for you. Everyone should be bringing you gold from heaven, but this asshole still dared to destroy you.

You didn't deserve anything from this and Kylian needed to make things right again, but how could he when he didn't know where you were.

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"Calm down, we will make this right." Achraf sighed after Kylian finished explaining what happened. Kylian just put his head into his hands. He didn't know if he was angry or sad. But he was definitely traumatized. "I'm gonna call Hiba, to find out were Y/n is. Okay?" he placed his hand on Kylian shoulder. Kylian sobbed.

He thought that he calmed you down yesterday. That the two of were okay. He hated himself for not kissing you in the morning before he left for training. He was thinking about everything he could have done for you to not leave him. But he didn't so now it was just his fault. It took Achraf a few minutes to quickly explain the situation to his wife

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Hiba didn't waste a second calling you as soon as her call with Achraf ended. She knew that you were smart enough to find out why she was trying to find your address. So she chose a different way to approach you.

"Hiba?" you asked hesitantly. It occurred to you that Kylian might call you from the other side, but on the other hand, it would be Achraf rather than her, so you decided to take the call.

"Y/n." Hiba tried to sound like everything was normal. "Achraf called me that they are stuck at the training for a few more hours so I thought that we could go for an early dinner together. We didn't have enough time to catch up yesterday." Hiba tried to be careful, to not scare you.

You were silent for a few seconds. Your brain was trying to find the right answer.

"Well I would love to go, but i am not really in the mood for going out." you almost didn't lie.

"Oh that's fine, we can just order a takeaway to our place." Hiba didn't want to take no for an answer.

"I don't think that Achraf would want me at your place when he's gonna come back tired from the training." problem was that you weren't planning on agreeing.

"He's gonna get home late, he's going out with his brother after the training." Hiba was telling big lies. In the end, you had no choice but to agree, unless you wanted Hiba to see that something was wrong.

She told you that she will be expecting you in two hours time. After the phone ended up you buried your head in the pillow and wished for your death.

Hiba immediately called Achraf to tell him you'd be at their house in two hours. She instructed Kylian to come with Achraf, promising that everything will be right.

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Kylian was nervously pacing around the living room. His palms were sweating as he was waiting on your arrival. On the way here he bought you the biggest bouquet of peonies he has ever seen, the ring was in his pocket as he needed to put it back on your finger tonight. Achraf was in the kid's room hiding, while Hiba was waiting in the kitchen.

She was supposed to open the doors for you and bring you to the living room, where Kylian would start talking.

When Kylian heard the knock on the front door. His body tensed up, praying for your forgiveness. He also heard your voice as you greeted Hiba. He wanted to rush into the hallway to hug you, maybe even to scream at you for your behavior. But he stayed in place, too scared to do something.

His body got into motion when you reached the living room with Hiba behind your back. You froze in your place as you noticed him.

You had shock written all over your face, you wanted to run away from him, but you couldn't. Your legs were glued to the floor. You just couldn't move.

Kylian, on the other hand, immediately walked towards you. He wanted to wrap his hands around your body. He wanted to kiss you. But he couldn't because he was too scared that you would run away from him.

"Please tell me that I don't make you feel like someone less worthy." you could hear the pain in Kylian's words. You also noticed how puffy Kylian's eyes were, which hurt you. Was it because of you?

"No" you answered "but you deserve more than I am. I am a disaster, i am a mess of human being" Kylian didn't let you finish.

"That's not the true cheri. Because I am the one who does not deserve you." only now did you notice the bouquet he held in his hands, Kylian placed it on the ground, stepped closer and took his hands in yours. "I wish i could show you how amazing you are. You are a beautiful person from the inside out Y/n. You are special, you are unique. No one can make me laugh the way you do. No one can make me feel loved like you do, no one Y/n. You inspire me to be the best that i can be. You are always there when i need you, and you are always able to calm me down, which no one else can. The way you light up the room with your smile. The way you make small moments special, everything about you is perfect and i would not want to change a thing. You deserve the world and I wanna give to you all." a tear slipped down Kylian's cheek. "You are my world Y/n, you are my home. I belong with you, not with anyone else. I need you now and i will need you in 50 years when we are gonna be old. You are the only thing that really matters to me. And i can't lose you. You are perfect so please do not change for me, because you are already everything to me.." you were crying at this point.

You realized how wrong you were, how you shouldn't listen to your stupid head. How you should told Kylian about what was your head thinking about. How did you feel last night. Because if you did that, you would not hurt your man.

"Mon cheri please go home with. Let me put the ring back on your finger and let me tell you how much in love with you I am." Kylian came closer to you, your bodies were touching. You looked up into his eyes as you put your hands behind his head.

"I am so sorry babe for leaving you. I should have told you about how i felt, i should have talk to you before i did this. But i really love you and i never wanna leavae you again." Kylian felt your lips on his. It wasn't passionate kiss, but it was kiss of two crying people, promising each other that they will be better. Better at expresing their feelings, their worries, their thoughts.

She won't run away when problems appear and he won't take her for granted. They will make this work once again.