#the 7pm and 4 am track are also very very good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

santoteez · 3 years

Text

I posted 36 times in 2021

14 posts created (39%)

22 posts reblogged (61%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.6 posts.

I added 32 tags in 2021

#kpop smut - 7 posts

#sub!idol - 6 posts

#santoteez - 4 posts

#kinktober - 3 posts

#jeon woong - 2 posts

#sunwoo smut - 2 posts

#wonho smut - 2 posts

#ateez smut - 2 posts

#park seonghwa - 2 posts

#nct smut - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 16 characters

#ateez fanfiction

My Top Posts in 2021

Kinktober - BONUS !

Genre: Smut with plot

Idol: Kim Sunwoo of The Boyz

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: sub!Idol, dom!Reader, Reader has a name, mommy kink, unprotected sex, use of restraints, anal play, nipple play, pegging, a slither of aftercare at the end, oral (m and f receiving), I wrote half of this over a year ago so it’s very lightly proofread barely at all

Kinktober 2021 Masterlist

Sunwoo whimpered, his constant tugging on the restraints causing his wrists to slightly burn. “Please Mommy…I promise I’ll be good.”

How did we get here? Glad you asked.

Artemis checked her phone, though at this point it was out of habit. She knew he had not responded, and probably wasn’t going to. It was hours past their 7pm reservation. This would be the third time Sunwoo stood her up for his friends. But not just any friend. He stood her up for Shaniece, his best friend who made it her mission to pry Sunwoo from Artemis any chance she got. Like right now.

Normally, Artemis would be seething. Instead, she was eerily calm. She put her dress back in the closet, removed her makeup and washed her face, put on her pajamas, and went back to sit in the foyer, awaiting her beautiful boyfriend.

“Let’s see if he tries me again after this shit.” She thought.

Sunwoo stumbled into the house around 12:30, careful of his steps as if to not wake the girl. Immediately the foyer lights went on, revealing a smiley Artemis in her crop top and shorts. “Good Morning!”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Sunwoo spoke. “Hey, whatcha doin?”

“What am I doing? I’m watching my boyfriend walk in late on the day we agreed we’d have dinner together.”

“Shit.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I got caught up with Niece, and I lost track of time.”

“That’s the same excuse you gave me last time! May I remind you the whole point of us going out tonight was to apologize for standing me up two weeks ago? Only to be stood up AGAIN? I don’t see how you can’t tell she has it out for me!”

“Not this again.”

“YES this again! I’ve tried being nice to her, Sunwoo! You know I have! And every time she brushes me off! It’s always a competition of who knows you better or who hasn’t seen you in long enough and who deserves your attention! Why should I be competing for something you should already be giving me?”

“I’m not in the mood right now, Artemis. I’m going upstairs.”

Artemis scoffed. “You really think I’m just letting you off the hook?” She asked, in a tone that made the hair on the back of Sunwoo’s neck stand up.

See the full post

118 notes • Posted 2021-11-01 00:13:46 GMT

Kinktober - Week 3

Genre: Smut (maybe a plot idk)

Idol: Wonho

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Female self-insert, oral (m receiving), sensory deprivation, femdom, Sub!Idol, Dom!Reader, anal play, a dash of degradation, thigh riding, unprotected penetration, creampie

Kinktober 2021 Masterlist

They’ve all led to this moment.

The feather-light grazes. The stolen glances. The handshakes that lasted a second too long.

All of it.

*A week earlier*

“Wonho, MOVE.”

“Why should I? We both know what we want. You’re just delaying the inevitable.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. She should’ve pushed her agency more when she told them she didn’t want to appear on this variety show, especially when she found out a certain silver-haired idol was also a special guest. Now, she was trapped between a wall and said idol, who was hounding for attention as he usually did whenever they crossed paths. The filming had long ended, and Y/N simply wanted to use the bathroom before leaving.

“The inevitable?” She laughed, “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Oh? Enlighten me then.” Wonho tilted his head.

“Let’s get one thing straight. You can’t handle me.”

“I think I can.”

Y/N scoffed. “Okay. I’m free next week. Let’s see how long you last.”

See the full post

166 notes • Posted 2021-10-16 23:23:08 GMT

Kinktober - Week 4

Genre: Smut

Idol: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7, AOMG)

Word Count: 1,076

Warnings: Female self-insert, unprotected sex, praise kink, breeding kink

Kinktober 2021 Masterlist

Yugyeom’s dreams were interrupted by a strong sense of arousal. He shifted uncomfortably in the sheets, careful not to wake Y/N as he became aware of the painful erection he possessed. He turned to look at Y/N, who slept peacefully beside him. He shook his head, shifting his body to face the doorway. There was no way he was waking his girlfriend up for something so ridiculous. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore his situation. Yeah, he’ll just go to sleep and that would fix everything.

Ten minutes passed, Yugyeom was still awake and still hard. He huffed in frustration. It was clear that sleeping wasn’t an option.

Reaching out, he shook Y/N gently. “Babe.”

She stirred in her sleep. “What?” She mumbled, not opening her eyes.

“I need you.”

Lifting her head up slightly, she glared at him. “You can’t be serious, Yugy.”

“Please?”

“Leave me alone.”

“Babe.” He whined.

“Use your hand.”

“That’ll take too long.”

Y/N groaned, laying on her back. “You’re impossible. I hope you know you’re doing all the work.”

See the full post

181 notes • Posted 2021-10-23 21:06:20 GMT

Kinktober - Week 2

Genre: Smut with plot

Idol: Park Seonghwa of ATEEZ

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Female self-insert, Sub!Idol, Dom!Reader, College!AU, Aprodisiac Use, Katoptronophilia, Oral sex (Fem Receiving), Unprotected sex, Pull-out method

Kinktober 2021 Masterlist

Seonghwa tossed his bag on the floor as he walked into his dorm. He sighed as he fell back on the small mattress, grateful that it was finally Friday and he’d have a break from classes. All he had was a tutoring session later on with Y/N and he was officially done for the week. A rosy hue stained Hwa’s cheeks as his tutor came to mind. Y/N was a junior and a year and a half older than Hwa, who was a sophomore. The first time he’d met her was at the beginning of the semester when his Chem professor brought her in as his recommendation for tutoring services, praising her as his star student from the previous year.

Most of the students brushed off her presence, not interested in some random girl arriving at their dorm to help with their homework. Hwa was one of the students that didn’t need her help, but before he realized it he was walking to the front of the class to sign up. The professor was confused when Hwa suddenly flew to the front of the room, but Hwa stumbling over his own name when making Y/N’s acquaintance was indication enough.

And so, Hwa’s tutoring with Y/N began. That was three months ago. Hwa’s roommate, Wooyoung, made fun of the older guy for dragging the lessons out this long.

“What are you gonna do when she realizes you don’t really need her help? Just ask her out.” He’d say, but Hwa just couldn’t bring himself to.

He was her junior. What if she just brushed him off? Surely she’d quit as his tutor after that, then Hwa would never see her again.

Hwa’s stomach rumbling brought him back to present time. He groaned, getting up from the bed to raid the fridge.

“Wooyoung that asshole. He eats up all the food but never buys any.” He mumbled, looking into the barren fridge. He checked the pantry for anything to eat, but was met with the same emptiness. He found some pasta and sauce, but Y/N was coming soon so he wouldn’t have time to make it and eat. He checked his shelf, but he forgot he’d finished his stash of granola bars during the week.

“Let’s see if this guy has anything to eat on his side.” He said to himself, venturing to Wooyoung’s side of the room. At first he found nothing but clutter, clothes and a few school supplies. Then, in the back of the top shelf, he found a container of what looked like pastries. Seonghwa pulled it down, examining it. The container had no label, but they were clearly cookies. Hwa wondered why Wooyoung insisted on eating him out of house and home when he had snacks right here on his shelf. Feeling his stomach rumble again, he opened the container. One wouldn’t hurt, right? After tutoring, he could just run out and get a pizza.

Taking out a cookie, he was hit with the scent of the treats. Was that...cinnamon? Whatever it was, they made the cookies smell amazing. He took a bite, immediately blown away by how good they tasted. How did Wooyoung leave these up here for so long?

Finishing the cookie, Hwa reached for another. They were too good to just have one. He bit into his second cookie, reaching to crack open the window. Why was it so hot all of a sudden? It was the middle of September.

“I’ll just have to pay him back.” Hwa said, biting a third cookie.

And that’s when it hit him.

See the full post

215 notes • Posted 2021-10-09 20:52:41 GMT

Kinktober - Week 5

Genre: Smut

Idol: Johnny Seo of NCT

Word Count: 926

Warnings: Female self-insert, oral (mostly m receiving but f receiving as well), a dash of degradation, humiliation, distracted sex

Kinktober 2021 Masterlist

Johnny groaned, eyes trained to the screen as his fingers danced across the controller.

“Seriously, Johnny? What are you doing?” Mark shouted through the headset, frantic.

“Dude, this is the second time we’ve had to start the mission over because of you. Get it together.” Jaehyun said from the other side.

“I’m trying.” Johnny replied.

“Well, try harder.”

He was so focused he didn’t hear Y/N’s footsteps as she entered their living room.

“Babe, I thought we were going to watch a movie?”

“We are, I’m just going to finish this one mission first.”

“That’s what you said 30 minutes ago.”

“Well, I’m not done.”

Y/N leaned in closer, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “Are you sure it can’t wait till later? We agreed we’d have the afternoon to ourselves.”

“C’mon, Y/N.” he grumbled, shrugging her off.

“Bro, aren’t you being a little cold?” Mark asked.

“Don’t be mean to her because you suck at this game.” Jaehyun laughed.

“Just keep going.” Johnny said. “ Let’s get this done.”

Y/N shuffled away, annoyed. Was Call of Duty more important than spending time together? Enough for him to push her away? Clearly he had lost his mind. She scoffed. If he thought he was gonna get away with that, he had another thing coming.

See the full post

249 notes • Posted 2021-10-30 21:30:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

6 notes · View notes

marybethsjournal · 4 years

Text

The Past was Hell

Summary: The story of Abigail joining the gang and subsequently bonding with John. This is a divergence of canon fic where she left an ab*sive family, most characters are in canon besides Jenny, who in this fic has been with the gang since she was very young and Grimshaw, who has 4 sons and is in a relationship with Dutch. Also took some liberties with Arthur and Eliza’s relationship. Enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of abuse, rape, and incest (obviously not in a condoning way). Vague talk about being a prostitute under the age of 18, but none of that actually takes place in the confines of the story. Just like in canon, Abigail in underage at the start of her relationship with John. Lastly, in this fic, Abigail is religious so religion is vaguely mentioned several times throughout the story, so skip if that isn’t your jam. Overall a very heavy story so keep that in mind before reading.

Word Count: 6488

Here’s the fic on ao3 for your reading pleasure if you prefer consuming content on there. https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766132

Abigail opened her bedroom door quietly and staggered to the kitchen. She saw her brother, but not her mother or father. Good.

“Where is father?” she whispered. He could be in the house and who knows the wrath he would force upon her if he found out she was out of her room and worse, talking about him.

“Passed out in the parlor. I don’t know what mama gave him but he’s sure to be mad about it when he wakes up” Rick, her brother, told her.

“I’m going to make biscuits then. Haven’t eaten in three days. I hope he won’t wake up before I finish ‘em.” Abigail turned her back from him and started towards the drawer with the bowls in it, but Rick grabbed her arm and turned her around quickly.

“Abigail,” the gravely serious tone of his voice frightened her, “You need to get out.”

“Why?” she asked, laughing lightly. “I haven’t offended you, have I?”

“I’m being serious. It’s gotten worse and worse with father and you. He takes you multiple times a day now, don’t think I haven’t noticed. Besides, he beats you so badly you can hardly walk anymore. You can’t keep saying you’re waiting until your wounds heal. He’ll kill you before then. Now’s your chance. Leave.”

Abigail knew Rick was right. She wouldn’t have another chance like this. She wondered if him and her mother had conspired together and she had purposefully put something in their father’s dinner. It would have been the most considerate thing she had done for Abigail for a while.

“Come with me then.” Abigail grabbed Rick’s hands.

Rick shook his head.

“No I have to stay here and look after mama. I’m not a target like you are. Here, I’ll prepare a basket of food for you. You go get some stuff packed and then leave immediately.”

Suddenly the two teenagers heard the sound of a head hitting a wall and a gruff “Fuck!” come from the parlor. Abigail froze in terror. Their father was awake.

“Go. Now!” Rick practically shooed Abigail out the door and proceeded to throw her shoes out the door behind her. Great, these had heels on them. Between that and the great pain in her side from where her father had beat her earlier, she was not going to get far. She was determined to try, though. If her father caught her attempting to escape, there’d be Hell to pay. Besides, the thought of never being taken advantage of again was a big enough motivator of its own. So Abigail ran as fast as she could, the splintering feeling in her side disregarded, praying every step of the way. She was going to need it.

It was dusk of the second day that Abigail had left her home that she had decided she needed food. She had walked into a little town and she swore that she was getting so hungry that she could smell the food that was inside the townsfolk’s houses. Abigail pulled a bobby pin out of her hair without thinking and walked towards one of the houses swiftly before stopping in her tracks. What was she doing? Was she really about to rob somebody’s home? Was she going to walk in and invade someone's privacy like that? Abigail’s father, when he wasn’t spending time being an abusive bastard sent straight from the fiery pits of Hell itself, was a very successful businessman and she never ever had to even think about robbing a house before. But I’m hungry, she thought, before putting the bobby pin into the lock and working to get the damn door to open.

Abigail realized she had enormously miscalculated her criminal abilities when she opened the door and was greeted by a man holding a shotgun to her face. Of course these people were still awake! It couldn’t have been past 7pm, not that Abigail had been completely sure of the time since she had left her home. She would have scolded herself for being so utterly foolish if she wasn’t focused on the immediate danger the man and his shotgun posed.

“Who the Hell are you?” The man yelled. Abigail flinched. She was more than used to being yelled at, but not by men that weren’t in her bloodline.

“I said” the man repeated “Who the Hell are you? Answer me now, girl!” he waved the gun in her face.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll just leave. I really am sorry.” is all Abigail could make out before the man was dragging her in the house.

“Oh no you don’t. You don’t just break into my house and then get to leave Scott free.”

A woman who Abigail presumed must have been his wife walked into the room cautiously. It was clear she had been hiding and was listening to the heated exchange.

“Honey, she’s just a kid. Look at ‘er.” the woman reasoned with the man.

The man did not lower his gun.

“Oh fantastic, a delinquent is trying to rob me, that’s SOOO much better!”

The woman rolled her eyes.

“Gerald, honey, show some compassion. Let me just talk to her.”

“Compassion,” Gerald emphasized, “runs in your family and look where it got ‘em. Your Gran Gran died from armed robbers just two weeks ago.”

“Why were you coming in here?” The lady addressed Abigail directly.

“Because,” Abigail sniffled, “I’m hungry and I don’t have any money. I don’t know where to get any food. I wasn’t going to hurt you, I swear”.

The woman noticed Abigail kept holding on to her side and upon further inspection, her face looked pretty bruised up, although the bruises seemed to be fading slightly.

“Are you hurt?”

Abigail nodded.

“Who hurt you, sweetheart?”

“My father.” Abigail was crying by this point and continued to issue apologizes for entering the home uninvited.

The lady looked at Gerald as if to say “I told you so” and started guiding Abigail up the stairs.

“Come. We have an extra bedroom. You look exhausted. I have some soup left from dinner, I’ll bring it up. I’m so sorry all this happened angel. We can talk about this in the morning. For now, rest. No one can hurt you here.”

It had been several hours since then. The lady’s name had turned out to be Betty and she was true to her word and brought Abigail a bowl of potato soup and then another after she had finished the first bowl. Betty was one of the kindest souls Abigail had ever met, she felt safe with her. Gerald wasn’t all so bad either. He just had his guard up, rightfully so. Before Abigail had gone to bed, they had told her that she could stay with them as long as she liked. However, after about 3 hours of sleep, Abigail awoke and realized that if she stayed here, she’d have to tell them exactly what her father had done and worse, she’d have to say who he was. Despite all the horrible things he had put her through, she still had a sense of loyalty to him. She could never do that to him. His whole career, Hell, his whole life would be over. Besides, she couldn’t just leech off these people. Abigail decided around 4am that she had to leave. She tiptoed down the stairs and went through the kitchen, stuffing as many rolls as she could in her dress before sneaking out the back door. She didn’t know where she was heading, only that she couldn’t stay where she was.

It was pitch black outside and although Abigail’s eyes adjusted rather quickly, it was still hard to make out exactly where she was going. Before she had completely exited the town, Abigail’s feet crunched on something. She looked down to see it was a newspaper. The Western Times, it read in big letters. Abigail picked up the dirty newspaper and thought that maybe this could be her out. Her father read the local newspaper every day and she knew there were always people putting out ads in there for job listings. Maybe somebody needed a nanny or a housekeeper or someone to sew for them or- well she’d see later when the sun came up and she could see better. Yet again, Abigail found herself praying that things went her way.

As luck would have it, someone actually had put out an ad for a housekeeper! Some man named Mr. Greensboro. She hadn’t heard of him before but he apparently lived a short way away from the town she had passed earlier and if she was fortunate enough, she could get there before he hired someone else. Abigail was aware she looked ragged and dirty, something one wouldn’t like to see in a housekeeper, but perhaps the man would take pity on her. Abigail needed money and a place to live in order to survive. She really needed this job.

Things were going Abigail’s way yet again! She had met with the man and after about an hour and a half interview, he hired her. She was ecstatic. Mr. Greensboro was a kind man, although his selection process was kind of odd. He had asked her if she knew her bust size and if she was a virgin.His face contorted in an odd way when she regretfully told him that while she had never engaged in consensual sex, she had been taken against her will more times than she could count. He apologized to her for asking, saying he only asked just to know if she was married or would have an unexpected pregnancy while working for him. Seemed a bit of an odd way to ask, but she let it go. Beggars could not be choosers and she most assuredly was a beggar now.

Abigail had just shut the door to Mr. Greensboro’s sizable cottage when she heard some women calling to her from the side of the house.

“You there!” Abigail turned her head and saw a woman with a Nigerian accent calling to her. She was beautiful, with short black hair and soft brown eyes. “You came here for the job, didn’t you?”

Abigail glanced between the woman speaking and the two girls behind her. One had pale, freckled skin and strawberry-blonde hair and the other looked a little older than the other women and seemed more worn by life as well. She had skin weathered from the sun and wispy brown hair pulled into a braid.

“Uh yes, I came for the job. I need the money.”

“How old are you?” The speaker of the group came closer.

“Sixteen but I can work hard.”

“Not like he wants you to. He’s a bad man, does bad things to us. We have people that we have to take care of. We all have kids to feed and we’re already in too deep. Trust me, you’d be better off being a working girl on your own terms.”

After several more moments speaking with the women, Abigail was convinced. She left with her head hung down low, disheartened. Why were all the men in this world such creeps? It was heartbreaking to know that she would most likely have to make a profession from having to do the thing she was running away from: being touched by men she didn’t want to touch her. It wasn’t fair. All the girls in the town she came from were going to be housewives and socialites and she was going to be Abigail the Whore. Abigail never hated prostitutes, she just always thought herself to be above them. That’s what privilege does, she supposed, makes you so far removed from poverty that you can’t imagine that people are doing what they have to do to survive and that doesn’t make anyone better or worse than anyone else.

Abigail was contemplating all of this several days later as she hid behind a tree near a path running through the forest. She was thinking how wrong this was. She was only 16, but she was hungry, she had no choice. Her thoughts subsided instantaneously when she heard hooves gallop across the path. She was sure what she was about to do was a very shady way to pick someone up, but there weren’t any prostitute hangouts nearby that she knew of. She had no idea how to do this. It didn’t matter how she did it, she decided, as long as she got it done.

Abigail peeked out from behind the tree she was hiding and saw the person that was riding through was a man. That was great for her, she was getting fed tonight. If all went well, that is. The man was handsome enough, with greasy, rather long black hair, brown eyes, a mustache and stubble, and whatever Abigail referred to as “angry brows”. He was riding a small white Arabian.She took a deep breath and stumbled onto the road.

“Mister! Mister!” she waved him down, not that it was hard to get his attention when she was blocking the path.

“Yes?” he asked impatiently, cocking his brow.

Abigail froze. She hadn’t gotten to this part in her mind yet.

“Do you need company for the night?” It all spilled out of her mouth so quickly that she wasn’t even sure what she was saying.

The “angry brow” man laughed. “Y’all are getting a bit desperate, aren’t you? Advertising out in the forest? That or you ain’t a real lady of the night.”

Was she really that bad at this?

“I’m not one yet, you would’ve been my first, errr, client. I’m just hungry, you know?” Abigail admitted.

She could tell the angry brow man was sizing her up. She tried to look more tall and confident and he chuckled at her yet again.

“Sorry ma’am, I got me an old lady. I do have some boys, though. They’re sloppy as all Hell and have no manners, the lot of them. Tell you what, you come back to camp with me and I might have a business proposition for you.”

It took a lot of convincing for Abigail to get on the man’s horse and leave with him. What if he was a murderer or something? But in the end, she was hungry.

Angry brow man chuckled when Abigail hesitated. “Some whore you are.”

The words stung. It was silly at this point, really. She knew she would have to get used to it but that didn’t make it easier and it certainly didn’t make her feel like it was right. Despite everything that happened to her, she still felt like a child. Probably because she was; plain and simple.

“Here, you can hold my gun. That way, I try anything you don’t like, you can shoot me.”

Abigail took the shotgun gingerly. “I don’t know how to shoot a gun, never held one.”

Angry eyebrow man chuckled again. “Probably not the best thing to tell someone you’re afraid of, for future reference.” he paused as he helped her up onto the horse. “You don’t come from the streets, do you?”

“I told you that I’ve never been a working woman before.”

“Yes I know, but I meant that you aren’t poor.”

Abigail laughed. “Look at me, do I look like I have any money? If I did, I wouldn’t be out here.”

“Usually how it goes. You weren’t poor before, though.”

“Sure. this horse is rather aggressive.” the white Arabian, despite having been calm with just its owner on it, was trying to buck Abigail off. It was quite a strange thing for Abigail, she had seen a horse become upset when a person besides their owner rode them alone, but never had she seen a horse be so aggressive when it was carrying both its owner and an outsider.

“Ah well, The Count doesn’t take kindly to strangers. He won’t even let my boys ride him. It’s nothing personal, trust me.”

“Your horse has a name?”

“Of course. All of our horses at camp have names. Do you rich people not name your horses?”

“I don’t know about rich people, but no, I’ve never met a horse with a name. We just call them by their breed and color where I’m from.”

“Seems a bit barbaric.” The angry brow man told her, huffing. She couldn’t quite tell if he was offended because of the way they treated their horses or that he wasn’t assimilated with he presumed to be “rich folks” culture. It wasn’t exactly a secret, just by looking at him, that he wanted to have an austerity look about him. He wore a velvet vest with gold chains hanging from his sides and steel boots Abigail had sworn she had seen at a speciality store for almost $60. And then there was the fact that he had this White Arabian, which was about $2000 for the horse itself, not including any equipment. He sure did have equipment for the horse, too. Gold saddle and everything: the works. Yet, he spoke of the rich as if he was far removed. It was odd but she didn’t have much time to figure the man out before he started talking again.

“My name is Dutch, Dutch Van Der Linde. And yours?”

“Uhhh, Abigail Roberts. Your name sounds like royalty.” Abigail was yet again taken aback by the contrast between the way this man presented himself to who he really seemed to be.

Dutch laughed. “I wish. If I was any sort of royalty, people wouldn’t live like you. We’d all be a huge family, this nation. Everybody would earn their keep, but nobody would ever go hungry.”

“You’ve got dreams, Mister Dutch. You sound more like a cult leader, though, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“You know, strangely enough, you’re not the first person to tell me that. I don’t mind. America is one big cult that makes you think the difference between the good guys and the bad guys is clear cut. Well let me tell you, the answer isn’t as clear as people would like it to be. Lines get blurred among all people.”

Abigail didn’t care much for this philosophical talk. She had never been to school or learned how to read, philosophy went right over her head. And she didn’t quite appreciate being talked to about things that made her feel dumb.

“So, you said you have boys?” Abigail changed the subject, partially to be spared of looking like a fool and partially because she was both interested and worried about what she was getting into. “How many?”

“Uh I can’t give you a count straight off the top of my head. I don’t know, maybe a dozen? At least?”

Abigail was extremely taken aback. This man had 12 kids? Abigail had never heard of a man that had both 12 kids, wore ostentatious clothing, and still talked about the US like it wasn’t doing them justice. Nothing about this man made sense so far.

“You have 12 sons? And you’re just going to give me to them? I’ve never heard of a father that does things like this.”

Dutch lit a cigar, balancing it in his mouth while he kept his hands on the reins of The Count.

“Well, I’m not exactly a ‘by the book’ type man. And besides, I fear I might have led you astray. I have four sons, but my gang is a sort of a found family sort of thing.”

Abigail's mind went fuzzy in terror when she heard the word “gang”. A gang? Oh God, what had she gotten herself into?

“What do you mean, gang? Do y’all go around and kill people?” Abigail thought of jumping off the horse at that point. Either they were to kill her when she got there or she’d be party to murdering others. Abigail didn’t care how hungry or hurt she was: she was not going to go around and start killing people for sport. This life felt like Hell, but she surely was not going to sign her spot in everlasting Hell. It simply was not worth it and besides, the thought of looking someone in the eyes and killing them made her sick, even despite her religious convictions.

“Sort of, but only bad men.” Dutch retorted, sensing she was getting worried and trying to calm her.

“Didn’t you just say the line between good and bad people is not clean cut?”

Dutch laughed nervously. Abigail could already tell he didn’t like to be questioned.

“You’re a good listener, aren’t ya? I’m not used to that. But not to worry, these people really deserve it. And we don’t usually let the women do the killing. Besides, it’s not mainly about the killing. More about taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Like Robin Hood. Do you know Robin Hood?”

Abigail nodded. She wasn’t so sure about his overall sentiment, however. Nothing should give someone the right to take another’s life. That was God’s job and to an extent, the law. “And so who are the poor, hmm?” Abigail was pretty sure that she already knew the answer to that one.

“Well us, mostly.” Dutch admitted nervously.

Abigail scoffed. This man sure was a prize. He felt bad for his lady. She probably had to listen to this all day.

“Mister Dutch, I understand I’m not in a position to be making demands, but with all due respect, I’m not sure I’m gonna want to service these boys. What if they hold a knife to my throat or something?”

“They’re not like that. Look at how society has caused you to judge. You don’t even know my boys and you are already thinking bad things about them. Now-”.

Abigail didn’t fancy hearing any more of this man’s straw man spiel. She could tell that he had a silver tongue, but it wasn’t working on her. “Is it that big of a stretch when these men have murdered people?”

Dutch tutted her impatiently. “Killed, not murdered. There’s a difference. Besides, they treat ladies real nice. They don’t hurt ‘em. Especially a doll like you.”

The last sentence made Abigail uncomfortable to no end. “If they treat ladies so nice, why don’t they have women already?”

Dutch seemed to not have a response to that. The trip continued largely in silence. Abigail kept trying to decide if she wanted to jump ship or not, but ultimately decided against it.

Eventually, they made their way to a clearing behind a forest. Abigail could see at least a dozen tents and lean-tos. It was lively with music and laughter. But it was not lost on her that she could smell a stench from dozens of meters away.

“This is our place, Abigail. You will be safe here. No one will hurt you.” Abigail remembered hearing those same words from Betty and suddenly wished that she had just stayed there.

Dutch helped her off the Count and practically dragged her to a soap box to the side of the camp. It was a bit overwhelming for Abigail, she was trying to take everything in. It was rather hard, however, when several pairs of eyes were on her.

“Everybody, listen here!” Dutch yelled. It didn’t take much, however, there was already a crowd gathering to catch a glimpse at her. Abigail guessed they didn’t have outsiders in their camp often. Abigail looked through the group of what she assumed would be leering faces. To her surprise, no one looked especially mean or murderous. The face looked curious, some even looked concerned, but none looked particularly dangerous. Abigail found herself wondering if Dutch had overstated the harm that his “gang” had done. There were several women with kind expressions, some even seeming to be younger than her, and this made her feel at ease. Not that women had stopped what had happened to her in the past.

“This is Abigail. Poor thing, I found her off the side of the road on my way back here from my meeting with Colm. Update on that: it did not go too well and for the time being, I think we should post at least two people on guard duty at all times. Nothing to be concerned about, though, we will pull through no problem. But I digress. Abigail here has been a victim to the ruthlessness of American capitalists. The ‘rich man’ raised her and then tossed her aside, poor and defenseless. And they think we’re the ones needing our throats sliced-” Dutch droned on and on and Abigail tuned him out, silently thanking herself for not sharing all her life details with him, for her surely would have repeated it all to everyone to prove his point. Abigail snapped back to reality when she heard Dutch order the boys to “meet their new lady”. Again, being referred to that way made her very uncomfortable.

A gaggle of men stepped towards her before a scowling woman with graying hair stepped forward, clanked two bowls together and yelled, “Dutch Van Der Linde, what the Hell do you think you’re doing? She must be scared out of her mind and you want her to meet the boys already? You’re insane.” The group of men laughed at the sight of the woman scolding Dutch.

The woman with the scowl walked towards Abigail and her expression softened as she held out her hand to Abigail “I’m Susan. Guess I’m the mother of sorts to all these fools. Let’s go set you up an area for you to live and be comfortable. Trust is important in a space like this and you can’t trust us if you don’t feel safe with us.” Abigail took Susan’s hand and walked with her towards the north side of the camp.

“These men are idiots, don’t understand feelings. But don’t mind them, they don’t bite, and it’s okay to yell at them if they overstep their boundaries.” Abigail nodded, knowing full well that she would never be comfortable yelling at those burly men. “Here’s where the girls sleep. There’s Jenny’s tent, Tilly’s tent, Mary Beth’s tent. Bessie sleeps in her tent with Hosea and I sleep in my tent with Dutch. I’ll send Uncle into town as soon as I can to get you a proper tent, but I’m sure any of the girls wouldn’t mind sharing in the meantime.”

Abigail’s head was spinning. All these names and information was a lot to take in at once.

“Uncle? Who’s Uncle is he?” she asked

“Oh that’s just his name.” Susan answered, matter-of-fact, as if men named Uncle were a normal occurrence.”

Susan spent the next few hours introducing Abigail to the women. First she met Bessie, a sweet woman who appeared to be quite a few years older than Susan. Bessie was kinder than Abigail remembered any woman ever being towards her, offering her candy and giving her constant words of assurance. Abigail immediately felt a daughterly sort of bond to Bessie, feeling that Bessie would never let any harm come to Abigail. After speaking with Bessie, Susan brought Abigail to speak with Mary Beth, Tilly, and Jenny. Mary Beth and Tilly seemed to be around her age, maybe slightly younger, but still had a youthful joy that Abigail had lost long ago. Jenny was clearly several years older than the other two but still seemed young enough to be Susan or Bessie’s daughter. All three girls were very kind to Abigail, but Mary Beth seemed to warm to her the quickest. She quickly invited Abigail for a “sleepover” in her tent, showed her all the books she had, her new journal that she worked in daily, and pointed out all the men in the gang that she had a crush on. Susan scolded Mary Beth for “overwhelming” Abigail, but Abigail felt herself smiling and being grateful for her friendliness. Tilly was sweet but cautious, telling her some of the camp rules and showing her where they washed clothes and did other camp chores. In what seemed to be an attempt to relate to Abigail and make her feel at ease, Tilly told her the story of how she had been rescued by Hosea from a nasty gang. A part of Abigail wanted to tell Tilly her own story, but felt it was too soon and that she wasn’t ready just yet. Jenny smiled at Abigail a lot but didn’t say much besides introducing herself. All in all, the ladies seemed very nice and Abigail enjoyed their company.

At nightfall, Dutch approached Susan gingerly, as if she was a dangerous animal, and asked if Abigail could meet the boys now. Susan agreed as long as Abigail was okay with it. Abigail, still feeling terrified of the gang members of the opposite sex but not wanting to anger Dutch, nodded and went with Dutch to the camp fire where all the men were huddled together singing some song with vagina euphemisms.

Most of the boys stood up when they saw Abigail and Dutch walking towards them. Two men, however, an old man who was very clearly drunk, and a lean man with extremely greasy hair, stayed sat down. Dutch went through all the men and introduced them all. The names spun around in her mind. Reverend, Davey and Mac Callender, Bill, Pearson, Dutch’s sons Henry, Frank, Robert, and Thomas. The list of names went on and on until there seemed to be only two more people to introduce. The old man, who Abigail was told was “Uncle”, had passed out, and the other man who had been sat at the camp fire had slunk away to his tent. The last two men introduced themselves as Arthur and Hosea.

“Don’t worry about these two, Abigail. They’ve both got women.” Dutch informed her.

The man called Hosea rolled his eyes and told Dutch in a strict voice that there was more towards this gang than an orgy house and Abigail was allowed to have friendly relationships. With the way Dutch seemed to almost cower at Hosea’s words, Abigail wondered if Hosea was the true leader here. Abigail would be very happy if that was the case, Hosea both looked and sounded more kind and sensible than Dutch.

The other man spoke up, trying to dissipate the escalating tension between the two men before him. “Hello miss Abigail, I’m Arthur. Like Dutch said, I have a girl and a son, actually, his name is Isaac and he’s the best little boy anyone could ask for. I bring him to camp sometimes and you’ll see he’s the cutest buckaroo in the world.” Arthur beamed while talking about his son. Abigail knew far too well that being a father didn’t automatically make you a good person but she couldn’t help but feel safe with Arthur. He was big and muscular, but spoke with such kindness.

The four of them sat down at the campfire and talked for an hour or two. Abigail enjoyed herself more than she had in a long time, listening to Hosea recount his heists in his youth and embarrassing stories about his three “kids”, Arthur, John, and Jenny, who had been with the gang the longest. Her sides hurt from laughing when she heard the story of Arthur trying to teach John to swim.

“Speaking of John, where is he? He didn’t introduce himself to you tonight. That’s not like him, to be shy.”

Arthur scoffed, “he’s not shy, just a bastard. Thinks he’s too good to have to introduce himself like everyone else. He thinks that way because you treat him special, Dutch.” Arthur’s brows furrowed as he focused on crushing the cigarette butt beneath his shoes.

Dutch opened his mouth, presumably to argue, but Abigail was too tired to hear any more arguments.

“I’m sorry, y’all, I better go to bed. Mary Beth is waiting on me.”

Abigail walked to Mary Beth’s tent and was greeted excitedly by the girl. Mary Beth wanted to share stories and gossip all night long; Abigail politely obliged. However, the excitement seemed to be all too much for Mary Beth and she collapsed of exhaustion within the half hour. Abigail didn’t have the same luck falling asleep, not at all. She gave up on the idea entirely after a few hours and crawled out the tent silently to get some fresh air. Abigail assumed no one would be up at this hour but as she was pacing around, she saw John sharpening a knife at the second camp fire at the back of the camp. She didn’t want to disturb him, he clearly hadn’t wanted to introduce himself to her in the first place, so she started walking back to the tent. Her attempts to go unnoticed failed when she got too close to one of horse and spooked it, causing it to winnie loudly. John turned around to see the commotion and noticed Abigail.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m heading back to Mary Beth’s tent, just needed to clear my head for a moment.” Abigail apologized. John stared at her blankly and she awkwardly began to step backwards towards the tent.

“Come sit.” he said flatly, as if he was reciting a line to himself.

Abigail was taken aback and unsure of what to do. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to talk to John, especially alone. But, acutely aware that she was alone with this man and knowing what men in her life did when they were angry, she walked over to the campfire and sat next to him on a log.

Abigail hadn’t seen John’s features properly until now, but seeing him in the light from the fire, he took her breath away. He was beautiful. Rough and tumble, sure, but still beautiful. He had deep brown eyes that had a softness to them, giving away that he wasn’t all so tough as maybe he wanted to be. He was clean shaven and had a slight smirk that didn’t seem to drop. He had various scars on his face and Abigail wondered exactly what trouble this man had gotten into.

“Uhhh hi.” John greeted, bringing Abigail to reality and making her realize that he knew she was staring.

“Oh, yes, hi. Sorry about that.” Abigail was thoroughly embarrassed.

“It’s fine. Used to it. I’ve always been ugly.” he told her solemnly.

“No no no, that’s not it at all. I- well, I don’t know.” Abigail cursed herself when she started to blush, knowing that she had a habit of turning tomato red.

John noticed that she was blushing, it was hard not to, and seemed to realize why she was actually staring. His smirk grew a bit and he sat up a bit more. The smirk, however, didn’t last very long when he started to speak again.

“I think it’s fucked what Dutch is doing. Making you be a whore just for you to survive and all,” he said seriously before quickly addinh, “Not that I care who you fuck. Fuck everyone for all I care.” John’s eyes darted to Abigail nervously.

Abigail laughed despite the overall sentiment of his original comment. “ I didn’t think you cared, John.”

John seemed satisfied in her answer and continued with what he had been saying. “You know, I heard you telling some of the guys what had happened to you with your dad in all and well, don’t tell anyone this, but I understand. I went through it too, being exploited before my dad died. And Dutch picked me up and ain’t never made me do what he’s making you do. And it’s just like, how are you supposed to heal when this is your life now?” John struggled to get his words out; it was clear that he was having a hard time being vulnerable.

Abigail nodded, not knowing what else to say. She knew what he was saying and she agreed. She also appreciated his words, she knew it was hard speaking about trauma with total strangers. They sat in comfortable silence for a while before John blurted out, “You know, it’s a shame. You’re so pretty, you could be an actress instead.”

Abigail giggled at the words that came out of nowhere. Was this flirting? She wasn’t quite sure, she had never been allowed to speak to men outside of her family.

“I- well thank you. That means a lot.”

John seemed frustrated with the response he was getting, so he continued.

“No, I’m serious. They should put your name up in lights in those fancy cities with the picture shows.”

“You’re real sweet, John Marston. You don’t seem to be the type that should be running with a gang.”

John scoffed. “You don’t know me like that, Miss. I’m a bad man. Maybe an evil man. Although Arthur says I’m too stupid to be evil.”

“You are no such thing!” Abigail gasped.

John’s smirk had now grown to a full grown smile. He was basking in the attention he was getting from Abigail.

The two of them spent a few moments playfully arguing over whether John was stupid in which John told her of some stories that were compelling to his argument that he was, in fact, stupid. After the laughter dissipated, John started digging in his pocket nervously. His face lit up when he found it. He pulled out a pearl necklace.

“Hey, I was wondering if maybe you’d like this. I’d usually sell it but I noticed that you’re not wearing any jewelry and I think you would look nice in jewelry so maybe you could take this and put it on your neck.” John rambled, scared to death of being laughed at for the gesture.

“Yes, I know how necklaces work, John. Maybe you are stupid.” Abigail smirked. When she saw John’s face fall, she added, “I would love the necklace. Thank you for thinking of me.” She took the necklace from John and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, causing to duck his head so Abigail couldn’t see that he was the one blushing now.

“Well then, since we’re friends now, I was wondering if you’d want to go to a saloon and get something to eat sometime. It’s better than Pearson’s cooking, at least.” John fumbled through the sentence.

“I think if we’re going to go on a date, we should do something a bit more romantic than going to a saloon. Maybe we can have a picnic on one of those hills down the way. I saw them on the ride up here.”

“Well I didn’t mean it like that. But I guess if you want to…” John shrugged and tried to seem nonchalant but couldn’t contain his smile.

The past was Hell, but Abigail was starting to think that maybe the future wouldn’t be so bad.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr #rdr2 #Red Dead Redemption #John Marston #abigail roberts #marstongail #john x abigail #susan grimshaw #arthur morgan #tilly jackson #Dutch Van Der Linde #hosea matthews #mary beth gaskill

18 notes · View notes

oswildin · 5 years

Text

Chaos ~ Dhawan!Master x F!Reader

~ This is officially my first request! Yay! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy. We all love a bit of a chaotic ship, it turned a bit sadder than intended but I hope you enjoy! ~

Summary: You’d lost everything. Your whole world changed. You’d lost hope. When one broken soul meets another, mix in a little chaos, and it’s one hell of a ride.

Request - Hi! I've never requested something from anyone before but I just finished reading your Dhawan!Master x Reader stories and I fell in love! Could I request one where Dhawan!Master's companion is the reader and they're both crazy and having a grand old time ruining the world together? It could also be cool if you throw in Thirteen and/or the fam trying to reason with the reader and it just not working out. Thank you, I can't wait to see what amazing things you write next!😊 ( @yourlocalspacebisexual )

Warnings: None except maybe some sadness.

(Y/N) had lost everything.

What was the point anymore?

The one person she adored. Loved. Craved... Gone.

It was during an accident at work... But she didn’t believe it. He worked in an office, for gods sake, what accident could possibly happen there except maybe accidentally stapling your hand?

It was the same day there were reports of sightings of strange creatures... Big metal robots...

It was no coincidence. (Y/N) wasn’t stupid, she remembered the attack a few years back with similar creatures. She was one of the few that didn’t believe the cover stories. None of them made sense.

It wasn’t fair.

(Y/N) sat at her dining room table, her eyes focused on the piping hot cup of tea in front of her. Nothing felt real anymore. Everything moved slow.

It had been 4 months. And it seemed like everyone had forgotten about him. Everyone except her.

Suddenly she was brought back to reality as she heard a crash from her back garden. She didn’t even react instantly. She slowly got up, heading through the kitchen to the back door. It was dark out, just passing 7pm on the clock as she reached for the handle, hesitantly opening the door.

(Y/N) switched on the garden light, as it illuminated the area. She peered our, her eyes scanning around as she saw nothing. She shrugged to herself before going to close the door, when she heard it again.

She reached back behind her, grabbing whatever was closest, which was an umbrella she’d left on the kitchen side. She held it up in defence as she stepped out.

“I’m giving you 5 seconds to leave, or I’m calling the police.” (Y/N) called out, her heart beginning to race. She could feel her blood pumping as she awaited whatever was outside to get her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she was suddenly faced with what she could only describe as a large green monster. She gasped as she fell back, tripping over her own foot as she jumped in surprise. She hit the cold hard floor as she looked up at the creature. It had a long neck, large black eyes with a small mouth and nose and giant claws.

It went to reach for her, lifting it’s arm in the air as there was another sound. Almost... electronic? Laser sounding. The creature turned to dust right before her eyes as she felt her chest rise and fall quickly. She looked down at the pile of ash in front of her as she quickly pushed herself off the floor, once again grabbing the umbrella holding it up as she finally saw who had killed the being.

“I just saved your life, and you’re threatening me?”

(Y/N)‘s wide eyes saw a man, with tanned skin, dark hair and beard, wearing a purple over coat as he held a device in his hand. His expression was smug as she stared at him.

“With an umbrella at that?” He shook his head. “No wonder you humans don’t live very long.”

“Who are you?!” She exclaimed, her voice strong.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He smirked, taking a step forward as he put the device in his inner coat pocket. “I know who you are. (Y/N) (L/N).” She felt her heart stop for a moment as he named her. “Tragic what happened to your little boyfriend.” He tutted to himself. (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, biting her inner cheek as she took a deep breath. “What would you say, if I told you, I knew why he died?”

“Who are you?” She repeated, her tone angry.

“I’m someone who wants someone dead.” He sneered, causing (Y/N) to furrow her brows. “That same someone who didn’t save your precious boyfriend.”

Quickly after that, The Master formally introduced himself, showing (Y/N) his TARDIS and what it could do. She couldn’t help but be in awe. It was the first time in a long time she’d felt something other than despair. He’d shown her space, planets, alien life. She knew he was no saint. But who was? He was almost intoxicating. She couldn’t explain it. It was like it was just the two of them, against the universe.

“I’m ready.”

(Y/N) declared, as the Master raised a brow, pushing himself away from the console as he put his hands in his trouser pockets.

“I want to meet the Doctor.” She told him, her voice monotone as he began to smile.

“I’m already a step ahead of you.” He smirked, moving back to the console as he set in the coordinates. (Y/N) took a deep breath as she joined him at the console, her face blank of expression.

She’d been wanting... revenge wasn’t the right word... but justice. She wanted justice for what happened to her loved one. And for herself. The months she spent locked away, grieving, hating the world. She wanted to release the anger that was buried deep within.

Maybe her and the Master weren’t so different. Of course, they had their spats, he was a difficult person to get along with. He was cocky, arrogant, unpredictable... but for some reason she couldn’t say no. She couldn’t bring herself to go back... to being alone.

In a strange way, he’d been there for her. Her rock. Causing chaos... was kind of fun. She’d became someone who she never thought she would. But she didn’t know if she liked it.

“I’ve sent the distress signal. Our plan is in motion!” The Master clapped his hands together, laughing to himself. “This is going to be... wonderful.” He grinned as (Y/N) stood, holding the same weapon the Master had used on the alien when she’d first met him. “And you...” He walked over to her as she stared up at him. He placed his hands on either side of her face, cupping it. “Are going to be... magnificent.” He smiled darkly, before kissing her forehead gently. She felt her heart skip a beat, something she hadn’t felt in ages. Was she attaching herself? Was she beginning to let herself move on? Was killing the Doctor the last step?

The pair landed on Gallifrey, the Doctor and Master’s home planet. The Master gritted his teeth as he stepped back onto the planet that made him. He despised it. He despised them. As if on cue, a wheezing noise could be heard, as a blue box appeared a few metres ahead of them.

“What- so your people may not be dead?!”

(Y/N) heard a girls voice ask as the door to the box opened. A blonde woman ran out, holding a device in her hand as it scanned the area. The Master had hidden behind his ship, waiting for the right moment to appear. He had managed to disguise it as some rubble that was left over after he had destroyed his home.

“I don’t know!” The blonde woman cried as she searched widely with her eyes. (Y/N) stood, watching as the woman finally noticed her in the distance. The woman paused before rushing towards the girl. However, when she got closer, her device beeped.

“Hang on, you’re human...” The woman said, sadness in her voice. “How are you here? How did you even get here?” She questioned, her brows furrowing.

“Wait, so she’s not one of you? Time kings or whatever you’re called?” An older man asked, gesturing to the girl.

“Timelord. And no. She’s not.” The woman, sensed something was wrong.

“You’re the Doctor, I presume.” (Y/N) stated, as the four newcomers to the planet exchanged glances.

“Yes, I am. Hello.” The Doctor replied cautiously.

“And you must be her companions.” (Y/N) looked at the people behind her as they looked confused. “It’s a shame we had to meet like this.” (Y/N) moved her arm from behind her back, revealing the device the Master had given her. The four backed up instantly, as the Doctor moved in front of her friends, blocking them from harm.

“Whatever you want, whatever you need, I can help!” The Doctor exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“Can you?” (Y/N) shook her head. “Really?” She laughed lightly, tears forming in her eyes. “Because in my books, you don’t have a good track record with that.”

“What?” The Doctor gave her a confused, concerned stare. “How did you get here?”

“Oh, that would’ve been me.”

The Masters voice appeared from behind (Y/N) as he revealed himself, giving the four a finger wave. The Doctor shook her head.

“I always come back.” The Master smirked.

“But how? How can he be there? He got taken by those light aliens with Barton!” Ryan exclaimed, trying to find an answer.

“And yet here I am.” He grinned. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Doctor.”

“What’s he promised you?” The Doctor ignored the Master, keeping her eyes on (Y/N).

“Peace.” She answered truthfully as the Doctor snorted.

“Peace?!” She repeated.

“Yes, Doctor.” The Master confirmed. “Peace. Closure. Justice.” The Doctor sent him a confused glance.

“You were there.” (Y/N) began to explain. “You were there as my boyfriend died!” She exclaimed. “You let him die. You let them take him! Turn him into a heartless machine.” She let a tear fall, her hand shaking. “He would still be here if you had saved him. Saved all of them.” The Doctor stayed silent as her companions watched in worry.

“It got me thinking... what’s the point?” (Y/N) laughed lightly. The Doctor tried to take a step forward as (Y/N) reacted, letting the laser go off by the woman’s feet. “Do not move!” The Master clapped his hands, laughing manically. The human companions eyes widened as they realised how unhinged (Y/N) was getting.

“That’s my girl.” The Master commented, a proud look in his eyes as (Y/N) breathed in deeply.

“You don’t have to do this.” Yaz chimed in, trying to reason with the fellow girl. “Whatever he’s told you, it’s a lie. The Doctor is a good person.”

“Is she?!” (Y/N) cried. “I know there’s two sides to every story, but from where I’m standing it’s hard to understand the other side.” The Master grew closer to (Y/N) as he leant forward, leaning into her ear.

“Do it.” He said quietly. “Think of your boy. Think of his pain. His agony.” He taunted her as the Doctor shook her head.

“Would he want this?” She asked. “Would he want you to become this?”

“It doesn’t matter what he would want, because he is dead!” (Y/N) exclaimed, the laser still aimed at the Doctor.

“I’m sorry!” The Doctor raised her hands. “I’m so, so sorry.” She said more quietly, her tone sincere, sad. (Y/N) looked into the woman’s eyes as she saw the pain in them. She let more tears fall as she felt her heart break.

What was she doing?

What had she become?

(Y/N) slowly lowered her arm, as the Master furrowed his brows.

“What are you doing?” He hissed at her, his anger rising.

“I can’t.” She whispered. “Causing chaos with you is one thing... but killing is another.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

The Doctor sighed in relief as her companions did the same. Yaz watched as the girl crumbled, her heart aching for her as she hesitantly approached the younger girl. She tried to calm her down as the Master bit his tongue.

“Humans. So much sentiment.” He spat.

“Is this what you’ve resorted to!?” The Doctor shook her head. “Look at what you’ve done!” She gestured around her. “You destroyed our home! Isn’t that enough?!” She laughed bitterly. “You prayed on a vulnerable human... Using her as a weapon!”

“Don’t lecture me, Doctor!” The Master hissed, snapping viciously. “Like you’re so innocent!” He narrowed his eyes. “I could say the same to you...” he paused. “You call these humans your friends... but they’re just an accessory. You fashion them into weapons and release them into the world!” The Doctor looked taken back by the Masters words, remembering Davros saying the same thing to her in her tenth regeneration.

“Well then perhaps you and me aren’t so different.” She replied quietly.

BONUS:

“I got it!”

(Y/N) cried, a smile on her face as she held the rare jewel from a far away alien planet. The Master looked at her in shock.

“How?!” He raised a brow.

“I have my ways.” She smirked as she tucked it in her pocket.

“Over there!” They heard a distant voice as they both began to run.

“You have to admit, I’m giving you a run for your money.” She commented as they ran along, heading back to the Masters’ TARDIS.

“Yeah, but you did learn from the best.” He smugly replied, setting a few paintings on fire with his laser as the aliens that inhabited the gallery began to run in fright. As they arrived at the TARDIS door, the Master turned to the guards who were holding up guns towards him.

“Oh, and one last thing before we go.” He paused. “I may or may not have detonated a bomb on the ground floor.” He grinned like a child as the guards instantly began to panic. “It’s ok, I’ll pay for any damages.” He waved his hand. “Just send the bill my way.” He quickly closed the door as they began to open fire, (Y/N) yelping as one shot through the door of the ship.

“Oh I do love to leave a lasting impression.” The Master commented dramatically as he ran to the console.

“You forgot the shields again!” She complained as the Master ignored her. She tossed him the jewel as he caught it, smirking.

“Time to get that favour we are owed.”

There was a ringing through the ship as (Y/N) gave the Master a knowing look.

“It’s her.” She commented, raising a brow. The Master rolled his eyes dramatically as he answered the old style phone that was lying on the console.

“Can I remind you we don’t need a babysitter?” The Master raised a brow as he spoke. (Y/N) laughed lightly as she knew they were going to get a telling off.

“Did you just blow up the Gallery of Callisto and steal the jewel of Vanth?!”

She could hear the Doctor shout from the other end of the phone. The Master sent (Y/N) a knowing look as she snickered to herself.

“I don’t know, I’ve blown up a lot of places and stolen a lot of things recently.” He shrugged.

“Master! I swear-“

“Sorry, you’re- you’re breaking up! Damn time vortex-“

(Y/N) laughed as the Master grinned at her, knowing that they were spending their time trying to cause as much chaos as possible, to the universe and most importantly the Doctor.

Taglist: @blamerogertaylor

#the master #dhawan master #dr who #doctor who imagine #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #13th doctor x reader #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master #the master x reader #master x reader #doctor x reader #request #reader insert #fanfic

117 notes · View notes

yuuudachi · 4 years

Text

First

It’s weird figuring out how to start a blog, especially when you expect zero to a handful of people to read it. Most of you who do look at this likely already know me quite well, but in case not: Hello, my name is Brooke, and I have been living in Shimane, Japan for 8 months.

One thing to know is that Shimane is the second to least populated prefecture in Japan, battling on and off for the number one spot with its eastern neighbor, Tottori. Have you heard of either of these places? If you’re not very familiar with Japan, likely not. I live in a very quiet and green village of barely over 3,000 people nestled in the mountain region of Shimane. It’s full of farmers, monkeys, wild boar, tanuki, the occasional bear (or so I’ve been told), and many, many trees and bamboo groves. On particularly warm and clear skied Sundays, the monkeys tend to gather around my apartment and on top of the detached garages in the parking lot and have a heyday. Eating bugs off each other, having random (and very loud) spats with each other, and just taking a nap on our cars. I shake loud plastic bags when I go outside to keep them a safe distance away from me, but despite this, I’ve adopted all of them as my children. There’s a word in Japanese that is “inaka.” It literally translates to “rice field cottage,” but it basically is the word for very rural areas. Now there are no rice fields in my village that I know of due to the mountains, but I am living the extreme inaka life.

Each weekend, I buy all my groceries from the local farmers market for about 2,000-2,500 yen (roughly 18-23 USD) and take frequent walks along the river, weather permitting. There are no trains here. The one and only train that was here closed down a few years before I arrived due to low usage but frequent environmental disturbances (fallen trees on the tracks from what I heard). There are a few sparse buses that go to surrounding towns randomly throughout the day, and most of the high schoolers here are actually recruited in from other prefectures and far away towns and live in dorms due to how low the local student number is. There are a few ma and pa restaurants in the “downtown” (a cluster of about 30-40 houses and small stores by the river), but I’ve only been to two. One was a curry house owned by an elderly couple, and the other is a recently opened cafe, right next to the water. Life here is very quiet, and the town is usually asleep at 7PM. Lights out everywhere, almost all stores closed except for the Lawson on the other edge of town, and silent streets. There are maybe 10 streetlights across the entire village or less, so the skies at night reveal more stars than any area I’ve been back in America. The nearest actual town is a 40-45 minute drive away. The nearest “city” with a mall, movie theater, and many restaurants is 1 hour and 20 minutes away. The nearest real city is Hiroshima, but it’s about 2 hours away by car. I’ve only been once.

I live in the teacher apartment building on the family side despite being a single person, so I have a very roomy apartment with one bedroom (tatami), a living room (tatami), a large kitchen (wood flooring), a bathroom/wash room (wood flooring), and a spare room off to the side (tatami - it gets very cold in the winter and very hot in the summer, so I don’t go in there often). I have a bed instead of a futon because mukade (poisonous centipedes who are aggressive and have bites that hurt more than hornets’ stings and can be dangerous if bitten near vital organs. Fun!) are a frequent guest, and you’d be a fool to think I’d lie on the floor when I’m a first floor apartment next to the woods and many bushes hosting these fellows. I’ve also had a huntsman spider greet me at my genkan (the area to take your shoes off in all Japanese homes by the front door) and a few terrifying venomous spiders chilling nonchalantly on my patio and outside my bedroom window. The huntsman met his maker that day, but I let the other ones stay; I’m living a happy mosquito free life with our unspoken agreement.

So that is a short rundown of what life is like here. I know 3 paragraphs doesn’t seem short, but do understand that it’s briefing over 8 months of life. It covers most of the picture living here, but I’m sure the rest will reveal itself over the next few posts.

I’m starting this blog for one main reason. I am lonely. While what I described above may seem very picturesque and like a dreamy (and sometimes scary-- looking at you, mukade) adventure, it is very isolating. Despite knowing conversational Japanese, I have not had great luck making friends as most of the people here are families or elderly people with their own lives and tasks to attend to. While I enjoy their company when I have it, I could hardly expect anyone to go out of their way to spend time with me when they have children to raise or farms to tend to. So I spend most of my days quietly alone, trying to make the most of it, but ultimately beginning to lose a battle to a reticent sadness that is hard to overcome. I write this blog to not only remind myself but invest myself in the good that I have slowly become a bit blind to amidst the personal struggles I’ve faced.

The name of my blog comes from " 夕立 " , read as “yuudachi.” It means a sudden shower in the late afternoon/early evening, but could be literally translated to "occurrence of the evening (meteorological) phenomenon.” I really love this word. The first time I learned it, there was a yuudachi around 4:30PM as I was leaving work, and my coworker explained the word and its kanji to me. It was a warm and sunny day with sparse clouds, so it was the perfect dictionary description of “yuudachi.” I walked home from work right after it ended during that golden time of the day, and saw a lovely rainbow above the mountains and met a cool little beetle outside my door. It was a very magical moment for me that etched itself into my memories, so when I was trying to decide on a name for this blog, the word 夕立 kept coming back to me. It was a lovely afternoon despite the storm. Grossly sentimental, I know. I’ll let you read into the rest of the meaning before I sound overly dramatic and emotional. For now, look at these cool photos I took on that day.

#blog #japan #japanese #nihon #nippon #inaka #shimane #gaijin #japan life #living in japan #photo #photos

19 notes · View notes

kahayaya · 4 years

Text

Aug 20th Keto Diet

I started my keto Diet on Aug 16th officially.

Weight at the time I would say 220 ibs.

Reason for doing Keto:

I wanted to challenge myself, to see if I can manage a diet and keep track of what i eat. I think being sober for a semester made me think I can also do this diet.

side note, I made a promise to myself when Alex leaves, I would change something about myself that I think would be good for me. Physically this is one of them. I also want to try to talk to people more and be more comfortable around others.

I want to lose weight. I think during my time in quarantine, I had a bad habits for my health. I would doordash everyday with a lot of food. Also since I stopped running, I didn't move around much. So I would sit in my bedroom just looking at videos and doing nothing. I think I gained 20 ibs since April.

Particularly keto because I had one of my friends do it. He had success. And something I would have never expected from him to do during college. He goes to ASU, which is a party school. And you can’t drink beer. He managed to do keto while under all those circumstances. So I am inspired by him to challenge that.

Also Daniel and Adi were gonna do it this semester. IDK if they are following through, but if they are good. If they are not, well I kind of expected that :p (BoJack syndrome)

Also since all classes are online, I will be home all the time. So I can just cook up a meal at home, then going to campus and meal prep. So the times when I cook will be at my disposal.

So I think imma write my thoughts up to now from day to day, but I’ll try to recall my thoughts from Day 1 till now.

Day 1 Aug 16th:

Definitely missed eating foods and I understood the struggle of going on this diet. I remember I went with Daniel to wholefoods to grab groceries. He told me about this drink called zevia, Which is no calorie soda with a sweetener that doesn’t raise blood sugar. Did research and it turns out that the drink is very keto friendly. I think I ate tuna and eggs for that day.

Day 2 Aug 17th:

So I was not feeling much this day, cuz the 16th was light. That day was the first time to actually attempt a full keto diet. I also ran that day. but I felt really tired and exhausted. I think it was my new shoes cuz last time I ran in them they were painful and made me exhausted. So I stopped by target to grab some groceries for keto and household stuff. That day I made tuna again and eggs. I also attempted to intermittent Fast that day. I decided to stick with a window between 1- 7pm. I ate some food toward like tuna and eggs again. Then towards the end of my window, I got hungry. I then realized I had no snacks, so i stopped by Safeway to grab pork rinds and macademia nuts. I ate those snacks right when I got home. So I wasn’t too devastated that I ate outside the window cuz I knew my body needed some kind of food.

Day 3 Aug 18th:

First day of classes. I remember I had my 8 AM class and my body was really hungry. So i stuck it out and took a nap right after class. I woke up around 11:45 to cook for my next class. I made an omelette with avacado and bacon. I think I ate during class, cuz we didn’t need to have our camera on. Fast foward, I think I baked lemon chicken after my classea were done. It was an alright chicken. Not too bad but also not too good. I like the zesty taste.

Day 4 Aug 19th:

I think I weighed myself and I dropped to 211 ish pounds. I was quite surprise the amount lost, but this was due to all the water weight lose I think. I think during this time I started to get brain fog. My thoughts were a mist of sorts. Similar to the first time I took E and the after effects. This is also part of the keto and IF part, so this is normal to have this. If it last long, I will reconsider about the diet and IF. I also had a dream the night before that I ate some fries and I spit it out. That dream was wild cuz I was in a car ride and somehow we drove off a cliff and into a water. I somehow teleported to a hotel room with the same people in the car and thats when the fry incident happened.

Day 5 Aug 20th:

So I had another weird dream where I was a pier similar to Santa Clara. It had like all the carnival stuff and it was night time. I then somehow got a mocha coffee. I drank it. Half way through the mocha, I realized the mocha had sugar and milk. I was like shit, I just broke my keto. I was sad and then I think I woke up. But other than that I made the same breakfast n stuff. I also noticed my appetite has been really small. I think I’m actually eating like 1000 calories a day. I don’t know if this is good, but Im defs eating a lot less calories. I weighed myself today and I was 208. So as of right now there is a steady weight lost. I know there will be some kind of plateau but Im trying to combine excercise and cardio. Can’t do cardio cuz its smokey outside from the wildfires. So I’ve been doing pushups and ab-rollout. I also ordered a dumbell with adjustable weights going up to 25 ibs. So this will be very useful for when I workout at home. As of right now, I got hungry and finished up my breakfast. So I will have to see how my meal will be by 7pm.

With that being said this is how my keto and IF is going. I think it’s going well. I think I will change this kind of diary to be a weekly, probs every Friday to track how my progress is going and any highlights of the week. Follow my journey to keto! Again this is a promise I made to myself to keep me moving in life!

1 note · View note

tay-centricpsychosis · 5 years

Text

I’ve been debating whether to start a blog for a little while now, but I’ve been writing some stuff in preparation of it for about a week. Following is everything I wrote:

Writing is difficult, but I said I would with my psychologist, so I guess I’ll start a journal or something of sorts and see if the words flow. I’m 25 now, the years have gotten away from me a bit, time really does seem to fly, especially looking back on it. Last year I had a couple of psychotic breaks. As a result of the psychotic breaks, I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia. My psychologist thinks it was drug-induced psychosis. I don’t really know which it was because I’ve been on antipsychotics since the second admission to hospital, but I also haven’t been taking drugs since the second admission to hospital, so whether it’s the lack of drugs or the addition of prescription drugs that’s keeping me symptom free, I don’t know.

I’ve been having a debate with myself over whether or not I’m actually schizophrenic or whether it’s drug-induced psychosis. In support of schizophrenia, I had what could be described as a prodromal phase where I seemed to lose all capacity for study and work, where I was isolating a bit, and generally disengaging with life. On the other hand, that could be due to me smoking weed almost every day for about two years. Now I seem to have what could be described as negative symptoms of schizophrenia; apathy, anhedonia, poverty of thought, reduced social drive, loss of motivation. On the other hand, these symptoms have also been described as side-effects of the antipsychotics I’m on. Part of me wants to stop the antipsychotics now to see if the negative effects are alleviated, and if the positive effects (delusions, hallucinations) return. Then I’d have an answer to the question of whether it’s drug-induced psychosis or schizophrenia. On the other hand, I’ve only been on the antipsychotics for about six months now, and treatment protocol for schizophrenia says that staying on the antipsychotics for one to two years after first-episode psychosis improves long-term outcomes. If I stop the meds and I need the meds, long term outcomes are worse, but if I stay on the meds and don’t need them, they’re making my current situation noticeably worse: A real catch 22.

I suppose the negative symptoms aren’t too terrible at the moment, anyway. I’m managing to hold down a job, though it doesn’t take many hours in a week. I’m writing a bit, though I doubt it’s any good. I manage to get my ten thousand steps most days, though I’ve been very lazy this week. I’m worried that they’ll be a severe detriment to my schooling once I go back, but that remains to be seen. I currently sleep about twelve hours a day, which will be a severe detriment to my schooling, however, I’m currently writing this at nearly 8AM on no sleep, after waking at 5PM yesterday. I’m hoping I can make it through the day on no sleep, go to bed early tonight, and work my way towards a better sleep routine in preparation for school. So I guess I have plans for the future, which is good.

I’m currently trying to drink less alcohol, and I’ve stopped smoking. I used to have a pretty severe drinking problem, I’d drink a box of wine in about two days, two to three times a week. Last night I was going to buy a bottle of whiskey and get drunk, but stopped myself halfway to the liquor store. Writing always makes me want to smoke, but I’m currently resisting the temptation to go buy a pack. Quitting kind of sucks, but I decided that despite whatever hardships I may face, I still want to live, so quitting both booze and cigs is probably in my best interest.

I miss drugs, I never really did a lot of different drugs, just weed and LSD. I was quite regularly smoking weed, and I guess I’ll miss how it seemed to make things more interesting. I’ll really miss LSD, it seemed to make life worth living, and made everything better. I was suffering from some fairly severe depression for a while and an LSD trip pulled me out of it. I was thinking about microdosing LSD to try and pull me out of the anhedonia and apathy I’m currently feeling, but I don’t think that’s a good idea, and the antipsychotics negate the effect of LSD anyway. I was a lot more creative on LSD as well, but I’ll probably try and be creative later in these writings too. We’ll see how that goes.

I tried to have a nap, but then I got an idea. Rather than writing this all and keeping it to myself, maybe I should start a blog instead. I’ll call it ‘Tay-Centric Psychosis’, I always wanted to start a movie reviewing blog, and maybe I could incorporate that too. It might be a good exercise to keep me writing, and might help me become more involved in life, a record of my existence, it might help keep me grounded in reality as well. It might help me be more social too, since that’s a space that I feel I’m severely lacking at the moment. I don’t know, it might even help someone, I don’t know how, but it’s a nice thought.

I woke up at 7PM after 17 hours of sleep yesterday, my plan to not sleep and fix my sleep schedule did not work. I’m committing myself to waking up before noon this week, no matter how many hours of sleep I get. Hopefully writing it down here will keep me committed and honest. Orientation week for Uni is next week. I’m hoping to be up at 9 on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to make the most out of the orientation. Then it’s back to Uni the week after, and I really want to commit myself to the work and hopefully succeed this year. I assume it’s going to be a struggle for the first few weeks going every day, since I haven’t actually been to a lecture in quite a few years, but hopefully I can fall into a routine and be better for it. I’m worried I’m putting too much pressure on myself going back to school this year. Just living seems to be pretty difficult at the moment, so putting Uni and holding down a job on top of it seems like a recipe for disaster. I got a tarot reading, though, and it said if I put the effort in my schooling will be successful. Kind of nervous to see how this year goes, but as long as I stay out of the hospital, I guess it’ll be better than last year.

We watched The Lighthouse the other night; it was pretty good. I enjoyed the director’s previous film The VVitch too, this one had a lot of the same sort of feel going on. A very competent horror film with some particularly brutal moments. Great performances from both Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe, Willem Dafoe in particular. Spilled beans/10.

I watched Pain and Glory, a delightful film about a director, heroin addiction, and back pain. I haven’t seen any of Almodóvar’s other films, but this one came highly recommended. Antonio Banderas gave a stellar performance, and Penélope Cruz was stunning as always. Beautifully shot, with a great soundtrack, it was gripping the entire way through. Sciatica/10

First two days of sleeping better seem to be going soundly, as discussed with my psychologist I’m trying to get into the habit of going to sleep at 11:30 and waking up at 8. Day one of this schedule has gone fine. Hopefully by keeping track of it, I’ll encourage myself to stick to it.

I don’t know, the boringness of my life is what’s keeping me from making a blog, I doubt anyone would find it of any interest since it is basically just skating by on a definition of life at the moment. It’s still probably a good idea, and who knows what people find interesting these days. I think if I wrote about what my actual delusions were some people might find it more interesting. There was a lot to it, though, and I guess I’m worried about being judged for them. Maybe some other time.

I keep in touch with a person I met in the hospital, she called me last night and we had a bit of a talk. She’s one of the few people I’ve had any meaningful conversations with in the last month or so. She considers me to be high functioning in my disorder, which is nice to think about. From what I’ve read, if I do have schizophrenia, I’ll probably deteriorate as I get older, which is an unpleasant thought, but focus on the positive and for now at least I am holding down a job and getting my 10,000 steps a day. If I’m active and properly engaged when I go back to school, honestly, I’m probably doing better than I have in the past 4 or so years, despite the disability. We’ll see, I guess. I bought a parking permit for school today, which if I’m to get my money’s worth out of it, requires me to go every day I have lessons, so I’m hoping that serves as encouragement to stay engaged this year as well.

I’ll probably write more in the future as things progress, but I guess it’s a start to start my blog. I think people will find my psychoses interesting if I go into detail about them, which I might do. Anyway, this is my first post, and hopefully I can develop my blog further.

#mental health #schizophrenia #psychosis #depression

2 notes · View notes

sorenwix · 5 years

Text

Rosie’s Birth Story

To describe Rosie’s birth story with the full context we need to go back a few years.

Labor never really kicked in with Jasko, our son who was born 4.5 years ago. We had visions and plans of a dreamy at-home birth. Both of my sisters had avoided hospitals during their deliveries and I figured I’d follow suit. Then I ended up laboring at home for 20 hours, then in the hospital for another 20 hours, and then they cut Jasko out with a c-section. In hindsite, I think my body did me a favor by never really “opening up” to deliver him through the tunnel: he came out 10lbs 3 oz with a head the shape of a cube.

We grew to like the hospital; indeed rather enjoy it. It felt like a bizarre cruise, where they bring you room service and medications at regular intervals.

Fast forward four years. As we were getting ready for baby #2, I assumed a c-section would be the deal. I had a story that my body just wasn’t going to kick in or open up for a vaginal delivery. I was almost looking forward to it: plug me into an epidural and get the baby out all civilized while I listen to some meditation soundtrack on my noise-cancelling headsets. There were a couple other factors going into the birth:

•Our new insurance, which had a much lower deductible, started on 1/1.

•The due date of the baby was 1/1. We loved the date (the first day of the decade!) but the hospital wouldn’t schedule a c-section on a holiday (New Year’s Day).

•We lined up acupuncture on the 31st to give my body a chance to go into labor, thinking that if we show up at the hospital in labor on the first, they then had to deal with my body.

• We scheduled a c-section on 1/2. So headed into New Years week we knew that one way or another we’d have a new human in our lives by the end of the week.

Ok. Now the story.

12/31

4pm. Acupuncture appointment begins.

4:45pm. Acupuncture appointment ends. She advises me to go home and rest up, going on my hands and knees for 15 minutes to get the baby centered, then take a nap.

5:15pm. I swing by Trader Joe’s to pick up a few things. The checkout person asks if I have any fun plans for the evening. I reply, “Have a baby.” Her eyes get wide, she glances down at my giant tummy, then looks up again and she wishes me luck.

5:30pm. Home. Go on hands and knees for 20 min.

6pm. Lay down on my side. Discomfort. Flip over. More discomfort. Realize this might be a contraction. It’s mild, but something more intense than a Braxton Hicks is brewing. I download a contraction tracking app.

7pm. We walk next door to the neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party. Lots of kids and friends from the neighborhood. While chit chatting, I subtly track contractions. Things are happening but I’m not sure if it is “real” and want data. I’m so grateful for the distraction of talking to people and watching the kids’ antics and the NY ball drop.

9:30pm. Home. Don’t want to be “that girl” that shows up at the hospital too early. Also don’t want to show up before our insurance kicks in. But call the hospital’s midwife on duty to give a courtesy heads up that things seem to be progressing. The contractions are steadily picking up in terms of duration and intensity. I’m starting to feel less control over my body and more like I’m latched into a roller coaster.

11pm. Tell Gene it feels like “go time” and to ask Nancy (his mother, who would take care of Jasko while we were busy with baby) to come over.

11:35pm. Nancy arrives.

11:45pm. I crawl into the car. It’s too painful to sit in the seat so I kneel facing backwards on the passenger seat. Gene drive the streets carefully with his hand on my calf. Speed bumps feel terrible. I am distantly aware of the booms of fireworks beginning to explode throughout town.

11:59pm. We pull into the emergency entrance of the hospital. Gene almost goes to park and I snarl at him between guttural groans to get me as close to the door as possible.

12:01am. We walk/hobble in. I sit down in a wheelchair. My water breaks. It feels like a dramatic gush of water that floods the entry (probably in real life it was more like a little splat). I apologize to the front desk people for making a mess. I get wheeled away and hear cheers from the front desk that I might have the first baby of the new year. I’m dimly aware of explosions of light through the glass as I get raced through the corridor.

12:03am. I think the best description of the next chapter would be “Tarzan Yodels” echoing off the mostly empty hallways. We are flying so fast in the wheelchair. I am so impressed with Gene’s speed and care and knowledge of the layout of the hospital. I look back in the elevator and in the middle of contractions and realize it’s a hospital person. Gene is following at a trot with my bag.

12:07am. We check in with the midwife. I mumble something about being in labor and how they can start the c-section whenever they’re ready. They measure me in some awkward position (only hands and knees and maybe my side felt ok) and I’m at 8cm. They raise an eyebrow and Gene says we are open to a v-bac if that was in the cards.

I lose track of time at this point.

They wheel me into a labor room.

I ride through a couple more contractions like a roller coaster. My Tarzan Yodels pick up an octave and get even louder.

I squeeze out a poop. A few more. I feel like a goat at the petting zoo we saw a couple nights prior. I have very little control of my body.

They set up a bar and I’m able to squat while holding onto the bar. The midwife, Polly, is cool and calm and warm and firm. She’s right at the foot of my bed, like a captain of my berthing ship. A doula, Rachel, is on my right giving me sips of water. She puts cool washcloths on my forehead. Gene is on my left.

At one point I exclaim, “This is just like in the movies,” and the room laughs.

The midwife suggests I go on my back, open my knees, hold a sheet, and push. I tell her to go to hell. Then comply.

I still have it in my head that we are going to have a c-section.

The midwife says, “I saw the head pushing against your tissue during that last contraction.”

I still don’t believe it.

A few contractions later I ask, “Am I really having a baby here? Is this what’s called ‘pushing’?” The room laughs.

I’m starting to understand that I can push this baby out. I’m starting to get tired. They can tell my tempo and focus is slowing down. She says, “If we can’t get through this together, there is a doctor who has a vacuum. That could be a next step.”

I reply, “Can you pull it out?”

Someone responds, “Babies don’t come with handles.”

I don’t know if they are trying to mentally psych me up or not, but it works; I really don’t want a shop-vac baby.

The next few pushes I feel myself going into that place I know before a big athletic event or endeavor. “Here we go team. I got this. We got this.”

It is like being latched into a roller coaster ride, going up and down with waves of contractions.

On one, someone says, “Use it.”

With their direction, I hold my breath, count to 8 while pushing instead of groaning. Then take a tiny breath, hold my breath again, count to 8 and push. Then a third time. A couple times I manage a fourth push within the contraction.

They can see the head. Gene can see the head of our baby.

It was like pushing out a giant poop. I say I am scared of tearing and someone puts a hot cloth down there to ease the tissue.

A few times later, feeling like it is now or never, I gather myself. Someone says, “Use it.” I say, “Let’s do this,” and gather my energy.

BOOM: Defying all notions of geometry, and yet adhering to what women all over the world do each day, our baby’s head and 7lb 5oz body squeezed out of my body at 1:22am on 1/1/2020. Go team.

Someone exclaims, “It’s a girl!” We have a baby girl.

The next part is what they don’t include in the movies. Probably for good reason. The chattering and freezing sensation as my body recalibrated. My stuck placenta that warranted a trip to the operating room with a spinal tap, placenta scraping, lots of blood loss, and more chattering teeth/hot sheets. By 7am we were in the recovery unit, with the sun rising and Gene, me, and Baby snoozing.

Thank you to Midwife Polly, Doula Rachel, Dr. Carroll, the amazing nurses, and the fleet of caregivers and room service providers who took care of us during our 2-day, 1-night stay at the Providence hospital on Glisan.

We’re now home. Rosie is eating and sleeping like a champ. Big Brother Jasko is building nests and supplying stuffies. I’m entering the “Every part of my body is leaking” and “I feel like a human napkin” part of parenting a newborn. Gene is his usual steady, strong, supportive self. Nancy is our amazing 3rd parent. And Gene and I are basking in the glow of love from our amazing community; we feel like the luckiest people in the world as we transition to a family of four.

3 notes · View notes

lunebinnie · 6 years

Note

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

2 notes · View notes

alliebruns-blog · 6 years

Text

The Namibia/Panama Crossings Part one: Travelling Tales….

The day I am due to travel, I wake up mega anxious, stressed and slightly hungover. I can’t concentrate on anything, even though I know everything is done. I packed yesterday and my work stuff is covered. I am so anxious that I don't want to eat. I am packing and repacking stuff over and over again. Moving stuff around the flat for NO reason. I tell myself to go out and get a sandwich. I am packed, and the cab is not due for another 2 hours. I might even be able to squeeze in a pint with my pal Lucy. So out the door I go, patting my pocket with my keys in. Slam the door. Then the horror, as I realise the keys I have in my pocket are not my house keys at all. They are my OLD house keys. I rush round the back of the house and try and jimmy the window - no luck. I have left the house without anything but my phone and old keys. I can see all my packed bags sitting in the living room I have NO access too. I phone the landlord, but it’s a Sunday. I sit down. Think. I’m going to have to call a locksmith. So I do. And he charges me almost £300 to drill the lock off and replace it with a new one. He turns up in twenty mins and I stand there watching him, biting my nails, looking at my watch.

I didn’t want to ever meet this man. Locksmith ninja.

He finishes, and I go for a very quick beer and small cry with Lucy before my cab arrives at 2pm. I’m really going now. I cannot believe that just happened. That was pretty horrible. But I dealt with it, right?! Surely that’s the hardest thing I will face? Right?

When I get to Heathrow, my fellow adventurers are there waiting. It’s Jim (Rat Race CEO and all round amazing human), his wife Dani (who I now have a massive girl crush on), Darren (you might remember him from Monglia) and me. Handsome Pete is doing the camera work, and he will join us later when we get to Namibia. I offload my Panama kit into their car - we will do a kit swap on our way back through Heathrow to Panama, which is great because I don't fancy slogging around with 3 massive bags. One massive bag will do for now.

Jim and Dani are planning to do both the bike and run stage in Namibia - it’s down to myself and Darren to see if the route is do-able solely on foot.

Bit of background for you. The Namib Desert is the oldest desert in the world - 55 million years old and 81,000 square kms. It is 2000km long and, crucially for us, 200km wide. I say crucial, because that is what we are trying to do. Cross the width of the desert, from east to west. On the west coast lies the wreck of the Eduard Bolen. This is where we will finish. Fun fact, the Namib desert is home to the biggest dunes on earth, and is one of the most hostile environments on the planet. Even worse than Reading town centre at about 7pm. It’s hot, dry and full of things that may well kill you, if you don't die of thirst or heatstroke first. We’re not dicking about here. This is serious stuff. The area we are running across is primarily National Park, but not in the way we think of National Park here in the UK. This route has NEVER been run before - it’s a world first. There are parts never touched by humans. Our men on the ground have had to get 3 different letters from the government to allow us to do this. National Parks in the UK have way marked trails and picnic benches and shops. There is nothing like that here. There are no marked trails, because the trails change and shift every day. We didn’t know it yet, but we weren’t going to see one other person apart from our team for the whole 5 days we were out there.

The plan is to run across it over 4 days - 50km a day on foot for myself and Darren. Jim and Dani are going to attempt to ride the first two days on fat bikes, BUT they will be trying to cover 100km a day each in comparison to our paltry 50km. So they will start 100km behind myself and Darren and try and catch us up in time for the 3rd day. Let’s just remember that none of us have any experience on this terrain (Darren has done Sandy Jog Week AKA MDS but wotevs) and none of us know what the terrain will actually be like in order to prepare anyway. I am imagining it’s all dunes going downwards, soft fluffy white sand and then sometimes flat white lovely sand. Spoiler: It is not like that at all.

After a traditional trip to Wetherspoons Terminal 5, we jump on the plane, change at Johannesburg and a few hour later, arrive in Windhoek, Namibia. On the flight to Windhoek, I have a huge Ghanian guy sat next to me, who, it becomes very clear, is terrified of flying. I have to hold his hand and talk him down. Literally. Talk to him all the way down until we land. He’s very grateful and I was really happy that I could help him. It felt like he was a personification of my own fears about, well, everything. This also means I have successfully managed to avoid almost all of the sleep on all of the planes. I am amazingly stupid and bad at sleeping. So after about 18 hours in transit, I feel FRESH AS FUCK. The excitement of meeting up with Handsome Pete, David Scott (our expedition leader and pal from the Mongolian adventure) and the rest of our team keeps me up and bouncing along, and, after a quick stop at the local supermarket for beer and supplies, we start the 4 hour car journey to Namibgrens Farm on the east side of the desert, where we will spend our first night.

View from the car en route to Namibgrens Farm

Namibia is massive and it’s hard to get places. “I’ll sleep in the car” I think - but, because the roads are dirt tracks and the cars are basically 4x4 buggies on speed, the bouncing about all over the place means no snoozes for me. Plus, there’s so much to see out on the drive. We drive past Warthogs, Oryx’s and Ostriches just mooching about. Causal. I ask our driver a million questions about the history and geography of where we are going. Turns out Namibia was a german colony from 1884, with the administration taken over by the Union of South Africa (under the League of Nations) after WW1. It became independent in 1990, but the German influence is obvious in the place names and the organisation of the streets in the major towns. Of which there are two.

But the town has gone now. We’re heading out to the wilderness. We have finally arrived at Namibgrens Farm, where we will spend the night, before starting on our run tomorrow. The farm is literally in the middle of nowhere (4.5 hours to the nearest shop) and we have a real bed each for the night. A rare treat. After we have got changed and had a shower, we are picked up by Johnny, who is part of the support team, in what looks like a cartoon desert truck. In hindsight, this truck has a lot to answer for. This truck is now known as The Fun Bus, mainly for ironic reasons. Here is the Fun Bus. Fuck the Fun Bus.

Looks a lot cleaner than I remembered......

Ten mins down the road, the rest of the support team David, Danny and Hein have set up a Brai on the edge of the desert. There we sit and eat, and drink beer and gin and tonic in the dark, whilst being briefed on hydration, foot care and how not to die. Danny and Hein are local expedition experts, and know the desert back to front. Not only that, they can drive huge vehicles up 33% sand dunes. Not fun for either the driver or the passengers. We’re in good hands here. It’s magical and we are excited. We all get to bed for about 8pm. Tomorrow we start.

Dinner location on the first night

2 notes · View notes

sunkissis · 6 years

Text

Before arriving in France I had a long list of places to travel and things to see. Antz, Liv and I all agreed that one of them was seeing the Les Machines de l’île in Nantes. I purchased annual SNCF passes because they were on mega sale (they are usually €75 each but I got them for €29!) These passes give us discounts on train fares for trips on the weekends and a special child fare. We plan to take so many train trips, I think it’s a bargain. So I’m sure you have never heard of Les Machines de l’île or le Grand Élephant so watch this clip to see what I’m talking about.

We have watched several videos about these magical creatures so I booked a train trip to Nantes to surprise the kid a week before her birthday!

The train ride to Nantes was our longest to date. Just over 4 hours but we sat in a Club Four which is a set of four chairs facing each other with a table. This configuration is rare to book so we really enjoyed it. We departed from Gare Austerlitz.

We did everything you could during the ride. We played video games on our phones, ate snacks, napped, read books, colored in Liv’s coloring book and played an intense game of Uno. I taught Liv how to play the card game Speed (my favorite game when I was in high school). We arrived after noon and it took awhile to figure out how to get to the part of town where the machines were. I would think it is such a popular attraction, the tram would take us directly there. However, we took the tram for about 20 minutes and had to walk over a long bridge and then we found the site.

We were shocked to be sitting next to this cutie on the tram! Our cat Lola would never sit so obediently let alone let us put a harness on her.

We walked past the Château des ducs de Bretagne but it was closed and there was a protest happening nearby.

During the long walk across the bridge I was wondering if we would end up having to climb that ladder to get to the Le Carrousel Mondes des Marins. It’s hidden in plain sight!

We had no idea what this gentleman was selling when we first saw him riding past. I was hoping for some cotton candy but it turned out to be marshmallow squares in very unique flavors.

It’s hard to describe the Marine Worlds Carousel. It’s part steampunk, part nautical. There are three levels. The lower (Ocean floor) levels don’t have a floor, so you board via a moveable gangplank which Liv and I felt too apprehensive to ride. So we climbed to the top. I was so bewildered by the sea creatures I kept forgetting to take pictures.

As you can see it’s a very surreal experience. I was explaining to Liv how the characters reminded me of the films of Terry Gilliam. The only one she has seen is Doctor Parnassus but she got the idea.

When we reached the top, we were happy to find a floor and the raddest set of creatures. Each one has a moving element that you control like a marionette. Some by steering and some by pedals or pumps. It was very cool but also odd. I couldn’t capture the entire carousel in photos due to the sheer size of it. I loved the music they were playing too. It reminded me of one of my favorite singers Tom Waits.

Next we walked over to the mechanical elephant. I was surprised to see a sign saying that the elephant ride was sold out. It was close to 1pm, and they weren’t due to close until 7pm that evening. When I found someone who spoke English she said they had to close early due to thunderstorms. Bummer! So we took some photos and marveled at the giant wooden elephant. The gracefulness in it’s movement and agility was remarkable. I wish we could have experienced riding it but seeing it up close was rad.

I’m so glad I brought my wide lens for my camera because our iPhones couldn’t fit it in one frame in photos. Antz took this video with his iPhone X.

Liv and Antz went inside the Gallery and Liv was chosen to steer the giant Ant!

She loved it! We had lunch at the restaurant on the site. It was just about to close so the menu was limited. I got the last Cesar salad they had and Antz and Liv had a chicken sandwich.

The last thing we did was check out the smaller carousel. This one was similar to the large one and the creatures were interactive too. Absolutely enchanting.

The elephant returned from his walk and Liv got a surprise!

She dried off with an ice cream cone and we browsed the gift shop. I bought Liv a Nantes souviner gold coin for her collection and I bought a coffee table book about the Royal Deluxe Company. It was heavy in my backpack but I knew they didn’t have it on Amazon and it’s such a beautiful photography book, I couldn’t pass it up. I hope to one day see them perform in person since I have watched every single youtube video of their amazing giant puppets. The work they do is incredible but they don’t announce their shows until a few days in advance so it’s hard to catch them.

After spending the entire afternoon at Les Machines de l’île, we decided to take the tram back to the train station a little early because Antz had a headache and Liv was tired. To our surprise when we arrived at the tram, it was closed by the local police for some unknown reason. I tried to order an Uber but the app wasn’t working (no wifi) so we had to walk over an hour back to the train station.

Lucky for us we left early or we would have arrived there late. We sat patiently waiting for our train arrival. Poor Antz headache got so bad we had to go to the pharmacy and buy him some medication. Just when our train was 15 minutes from boarding we saw this on the train schedule display.

I asked Liv what retard meant in French and she said LATE! It took forever to find an English speaking staff person and they told me that due to lightening striking the train tracks, all trains going to Paris were delayed for an indeterminate amount of time. So we ended up stranded at the train station for FOUR HOURS! The staff brought out little snack boxes and bottled water for everyone but it felt like the apocalypse. People were grabbing the boxes like a riot and Antz headache was worsening. Liv didn’t feel great either and it was too hot to wait inside the station so we sat outside at the tracks which meant we couldn’t hear any updates. The announcements were all in French anyway. We started to panic and worry that we would have to book a hotel for overnight. Then finally around the time we were scheduled to arrive back in Paris, we saw everyone getting up and heading towards the tracks downstairs. We pushed through like cartoon super heros and jumped on the train and sat at the first club four seats we saw. Since all the trains to Paris were late, the staff didn’t check our tickets and we didn’t bother to find our original seats. An English speaking couple sat down across from us and told us we were in their seats but I guess I gave the guy a look like Reagan from the Exorcist and he nicely said, No worries, we’ll sit here. The train ride was supposed to be 4 hours but they put the pedal to the metal and got us into Paris by 1 am. I have never seen more exhausted and frustrated people from all over the world collectively sleep like we did. We were all happy to be out of Nantes.

I scheduled an Uber before the train stopped in Paris before all the rush but I still got hit was double the fare surcharge. Merde! I told our French friends about enduring this trip and they laughed and said Welcome to France!

So despite being disappointed about the elephant ride and the long train delay, we had a good time. I didn’t think the town of Nantes was particularly awesome. As Antz put it, if you seen one town in France you’ve seen them all.

Tant pis!

SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

Day trip to Nantes, France Before arriving in France I had a long list of places to travel and things to see.

#France #mechanical elephant #Nantes #SNCF #Train #travel

1 note · View note

jacquelinewick · 4 years

Text

Day 13

Wednesday, February 3rd

Ahhhhhhh another day of the consumption post. Today is day 13 and I must say I actually think about writing these now everyday. It is starting to become natural to track my habits as well. Today I was up early at 8 for my class at 8:30 going until 9:30 which means it ended early today. I then took a nap until noon because I was very jet-legged I guess. After I woke up I got ready for my day and did 30 minutes of yoga with my roommate to relax. This was followed by cooking and coffee. Which then turned into a really long walk outside to see the house I’m living in next year which was a good 2 miles away. When we returned it was already 3:30 in the afternoon so I did some laundry before my class at 4 until 5 pm. I then did an hour of homework on my computer before my next class which is 5:45 until 7pm. After which will be followed by a few hours of homework. My screen time for the day is is 2 hours and 6 minutes. I was fairly busy which kept me off my phone. I did listen to music on my long walk to help me think.

For the food consumption part of the day it is a little bit sad and predictable. This morning I had a bagel with some cream cheese. I did not have Mac and Cheese, which is honestly a bit of a shocker. I instead made up a box of pasta salad which was bacon and ranch flavored. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to eat it as a side to a meal but I’m only person and I can’t really consume very much. So it will also be my dinner later tonight when I get bored in class and need something to capture my attention. It’s odd because I actually enjoy the class I have later it is just at an odd time that makes me want to take a nap and eat dinner. I spent $4.30 on the laundry that I did.

Overall today is a bit sad and annoyed feeling. There is construction going on outside the apartment and it started at 7 this morning waking up all up. I fell back asleep for awhile but there are redoing the siding outside of our place currently and it is very loud and hard to focus. I am sad because I am officially back in Wisconsin and miss California, but at least it was warm out today. My top used apps for the day were Spotify, Snapchat, and Messenger. There is not much to look at these days on my phone so it’s pretty much always the same. My overall sleep quality on a 1-10 scale was probably a 7. It was good to be back in my own bed but I’ve also been tired all day so maybe I didn’t sleep as well as I think I did. Well off to do some other things now, hopefully I have more ambition tomorrow than I do today.

#day13

0 notes

carleencl · 4 years

Text

May 2020 Favorites: K-Drama & K-Pop

Hello June!

Another month has passed and we are already in the half of the year. Hoping everyone’s still keeping safe and healthy nowadays.

May 2020’s favorites will not only be on Korean dramas but also on K-Pop. Some of the artists that I support have been very active last month (not complaining tho 🥰). The dramas and music are the ones keeping me sane especially during these uneventful times.

K-DRAMA

I got two favorites for the month of May for Korean Dramas.

1. Fix You

After ‘Meow: The Secret Boy’, ‘Fix You’ was released and the next new K-Drama that I watched for the month of May. The drama is another medical drama but this time deals more on the inner self: emotions, feelings, and sentiments.

‘Fix You’ follows Dr. Lee Shi Joon, a Psychiatrist, that is passionate towards helping his patients heal. He treats his patients through bold and uncommon way. It also follows Han Woo Joo, a promising musical actress that finally after years of hard work; her efforts are starting to pay off. However, she experiences anger issues, mental breakdowns, and is diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder

This medical drama focuses on one’s mental health and finding answers to have happiness in life. It also deals with different types of mental illness which could help in spreading mental health awareness. ‘Fix You’ stars Shin Ha Kyun and Jung So Min.

‘Fix You’ will have 32 episodes with 2 30-minute episodes per day. The drama airs every Wednesday and Thursday.

Network: KBS2

2. Mystic Pop-Up Bar

First 15 minutes and this drama caught my attention! Mystic Pop-Up Bar is based from a webcomic by Bae Hye-Soo. The drama stars Hwang Jung Eum, Yook Sung Jae, and Choi Won Young.

This drama focuses on a pojangmacha (tented outdoor drinking establishment), named, Ssanggab Cart Bar. It is run by Weol Ju with the help of Manager Gwi and a part-timer named, Han Kang Bae. Customers, either as human or a soul that enters the mysterious food cart drinks alcohol and eats with them until the customers tells their problems in life and what they are planning to do. After knowing the struggles Weol Ju’s customers have, she helps them solve it to heal their emotional wounds.

Mystic Pop-Up Bar reminds of one of my favorite dramas, Hotel del Luna. I could say that the two has similar concept and both has a fantasy-comedy genre. If you are into dramas like the former one, give Mystic Pop-Up Bar a chance and watch it.

The drama is said to have 12 episodes and airs every Wednesday and Thursday.

Network: jTBC, Netflix

K-POP

Next part is about the artists that I love and support. One artist released an album, and others shared videos to show the other side of them.

1. DAY6’s The Book of Us : The Demon Album

First on my K-Pop list is DAY6’s 6th mini album, The Book of Us : The Demon. It is one of the ‘Book of Us ‘series alongside with 2019’s Gravity and Entropy. The album represents about our human relationships which is that the ‘demon’ is the negative part of our relationships/social balance since at times, it is not always good and we have rough times. DAY6’s members want everyone who is listening to the songs to relate with it and send a message that “You are not alone” with whatever you are battling. 💙

The album was released last May 11 with their title track’s music video, ‘Zombie.’

ZOMBIE

The song and music video describes that at times we live a life repetitive with nothing new happening – wake up, eat, work, sleep. I think at times, we do have that moment feeling like a ‘zombie.’ Doing our daily works but without emotional attachment to it, just doing it for the sake of doing it.

If you haven’t watch the music video, watch below!

youtube

Network: JYP Entertainment

2. Treasure: Treasure Map

Treasure Map is a reality show on YG Entertainment’s upcoming 12-member boy group, Treasure. The show is uploaded through YouTube and VLIVE having Treasure in different activities such as vlogging, having missions, or just sharing their daily life.

I’ve known some members since MIXNINE and got more interested when I watched YG Treasure Box, another YG Survival Show. They are very talented and can’t wait for them to officially debut. That’s why I love watching Treasure Map to know more about them and something to look forward weekly while waiting for their debut.

Here’s the teaser for Treasure Map:

youtube

Treasure Map is uploaded every Friday through Treasure’s official YouTube and VLIVE channels.

Network: VLIVE, YG Entertainment

3. Taeyang’s Documentary: White Night

Taeyang of my favorite group, BIGBANG, released a documentary on his 2017 White Night Tour. After finishing his military duty, he announced that he will be releasing the White Night documentary with the 1st episode released on the same day of his birthday.

The videos will show the other side of Taeyang off-stage. In the White Night documentary, the professionalism and perfectionist side of Taeyang will show. He really just wants the best for his stages and his fans, VIPs. Knowing the effort and sacrifices he has to put just really makes me want to support him more. 💛

Below is the White Night documentary trailer. Watch it and get to know more our Dong Youngbae.

youtube

The White Night documentary is uploaded every Monday and Thursday at 7PM KST. It will have a total of 8 episodes running for 4 weeks.

Network: YG Entertainment

4. Mapo Hipster

Mapo Hipster is a show to find the ‘Best Dress’ in Mapo between two close friends, WINNER’s Song Mino and Block B’s P.O. Both will have weekly missions, competing against each other to get the title of “Top Fahionista” in Mapo.

I’ve started this last February 2020 because of the two and got really hooked of their missions, skits, and just… everything! Sadly, last episode was uploaded last May 8 but you may still watch it on their YouTube channel.

youtube

It’s actually worth your time especially if you are looking to watch something fun and to relieve your stress. Mapo Hipster has 10 episodes.

Network: tvN, Channel Fullmoon

5. I AM SOMI

'I AM Somi' is about Jeon Somi , who has just turned 20 years old. She made the videos to show her everyday life to her fans. Her videos are all uploaded in THEBLACKLABEL’s YouTube channel.

Somi is one of the artists in THEBLACKLABEL, a subsidiary company of YG Entertainment headed by TEDDY. I actually just got to know her when I heard she signed a contract with THEBLACKLABEL and she’s actually good. Her debut song, ‘Birthday’ was actually a nice song that will made me put in on loop for days!

If you’re interested in getting to know Somi, below is the ‘I AM SOMI’ teaser.

youtube

‘I AM SOMI’ has a total of 6 episodes, with an additional epilogue video uploaded last May 10, 2020

Network: THEBLACKLABEL

Here’s my May 2020 favorites! How about you? Do we have similar favorites for last May?

◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️ ◾️

💌 CONNECT WITH ME ↪️ Facebook ↪️ Instagram ↪️ Foodgram ↪️ Twitter ↪️ YouTube

0 notes

panticwritten · 7 years

Text

Breaking Furnace Book One: Lockdown

Chapter 4: Friends Don’t Let Friends Lose Prison Fights

I’ve had to change quite a bit of formatting to post this on tumblr because I am a fiend when it comes to using different fonts and tools and junk in my writing. If you want to read this chapter with its original formatting, you can do so here.

Table of contents!

All of my writing!

Remember that this is a daydream taking place in the Escape From Furnace universe, so keep that in mind if you haven’t read EFF.

Word count: 4835

Triggers for this chapter:

Unreality

NAZI imagery

Graphic(ish) violence

Death

NSFW (on the same level as a still-life model is nsfw)

Body horror (sort of)

Always willing to tag new triggers, if needed.

Chapter 5 will be up Jan 26th at 7pm PST.

If you like what I do here, maybe consider buying me a Ko-fi or checking out my Patreon! I love being able to put so much out for free, but this would be a great way to show support and also see cool new content!

~-S-~

Alex and Zee, stop me when I leave the trough room. I try to greet them with a grin to let them know that there weren’t any problems, but I’m not sure how successful I am.

“You were supposed to go to your cells,” I say, more as a formality than anything. “If there had been a lockdown, you could have been stuck down here.”

“You know we can make it up, no sweat.” Zee laughs uneasily. “What were you doing in there, anyway?”

I laugh, not so uneasily.

“Letting the Skulls think I was seducing their leader.” Or actually seducing their leader, depending on how you look at it. “No sweat.”

“I thought we were trying to ally with them,” Alex says.

I beckon them to follow me across the yard. It’s too open out here.

“I challenged Kevin to a fight.” They look even more worried now. “Whether I win or not, it means the same thing—protection and communication.”

“You will win, right?” Zee clarifies. We arrive at my cell, and I pause at the threshold.

“I might.”

They both start an argument at the same time, and I sigh.

“Look, I put certain limits on the world this time. I'm just a person if I can’t concentrate.”

“Does Kevin know that?”

I frown at them both. “Are you two worried about me? Or yourselves?”

They exchange glances.

“We can protect ourselves. Kevin can be a monster, and if he’s expected to act like one…” Alex looks away, and I follow his gaze to see the Skulls trooping out of the trough room behind Kevin. When he looks back, I give him a tight smile.

“Don’t forget who I am, Alex. I’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t look so sure, but I decide to let it lie. I can’t deny that even I’m pushing my trust in Kevin to the absolute breaking point.

I sweep my gaze around the yard and sigh, drained. “I’m gonna go rest up.”

“Lockdown isn’t for awhile, I don’t think,” Zee says, giving me a worried frown.

I shrug. “I know. I’ve got a trick or two up my sleeve to keep unwelcome guests out.”

After some more debate, they leave and I enter my new home.

The cell itself is about the size of my bathroom at home. A toilet, metal and starting to rust, sits affixed to the wall straight ahead. The bunk bed jammed into the far corner doesn’t look very reliable.

I shake my head and look back out through the bars to the yard. There’s no better time to do this than now, I guess.

With a sharp exhale, I breathe out an illusion, a shield between my cell and the yard. As far as they can see, it’s an empty room. Looking out, the world warps slightly, as if I’m viewing an aquarium exhibit. As if I’m not part of the freakshow.

I shove the thought from my mind and vault into the top bunk. Some sleep will do me well. It’s been a long day, only made longer by my meddling with time. Then there’s the nectar. The weight of it here is starting to get to me, like a recovering addict in a meth house.

Not that I’m really recovering. I’m here after all, and that means that I’m back for more of that filth. The essence of it in the air here is so thick that I can almost taste it.

Gazing at my hands, I hold on to the humanity I still have. This version of me has never had nectar, even if I remember the thrum of it. I wonder how long it will take me to ravage this body.

My track record isn’t good, so it’s best not to ponder it.

I turn my eyes to the inmates milling around in the yard. They don’t even realize what’s happening beneath their feet. Oh, they know something’s wrong. They have to know that the Warden, the suits, the wheezers are all wrong. But they don’t know just how bad it is, the experimentation, the death, the evil.

I catch sight of Connor on the other side of the yard, talking with another inmate. He looks annoyed, and I try to imagine what they could be talking about. As I lay down, as close to the wall as I can, I wonder if he was right.

Maybe this isn’t healthy.

~-S-~

I sit in a cell, looking out. This isn’t Furnace, the world outside a brightly lit hallway. The cell itself is smaller, empty save for myself and a foul odor.

No, this isn’t Furnace.

It’s a dream.

I stand, legs weak and shaky, and press against the bars to peer into the darkness. The opposite wall is lined with doors, and I recognize it as the cell blocks back in the Cube. Stepping back from the bars, I cross my emaciated arms.

This isn’t a normal dream borne of the nectar. The feeling of calm, while unsettling, isn’t what I would expect from my first night in the prison. This isn’t a view that I ever wanted to see with my own eyes, looking out from this side of the cells.

No…

I cock my head to listen, freezing as the ghostly wail floats through the hall. The voice is unfamiliar, and I disregard it after a moment. These dreams are nothing more than memory, there’s nothing I can do.

After a moment, the image flickers. The light disappears, and I blink until my eyes adjust. The cell stays firmly around me, but outside a spiral path twists up and connects my cell to countless others. Each of the other cells hold several children.

Ah. This is more like it.

Between each cell, on the other side of the room, a red banner hangs with a swastika emblazoned on each. Now we’re back in the memories that the nectar favors. I grimace and turn away.

There are several other kids in my cell now, all unfamiliar and all pleading. None of them seem to have the strength to stand, so I kneel alongside them.

It’s okay, I murmur. The words that come out, I don’t understand, but the meaning is clear. This isn’t the end.

Talking to the boys in the memory, I still feel a twinge of guilt about lying to them. Each of these boys will be dead or under the wheezers’ knife by the end of the week. I’m sure they can see the truth in my eyes, hear it in my voice.

Still, they cling to my arms with fingers as thin and fragile as twigs. I sit in the middle of this group, three little boys holding onto what little hope they have left.

Still, we hold each other when boots begin to thud up the path.

We hold each other when they stop outside of our cell.

Even as I’m being dragged away, the boys try to hold on. It breaks my heart, the question and fear in their eyes. Cold metal pushes against the back of my head. Even as the shot rings out, one of the boys’ voice echoes in the darkness.

This isn’t the end.

~-S-~

I shout out, the phantom pain the back of my head pushing me upright.

My skull makes contact with the ceiling, and I can’t hold back a curse. Slowly, as my heart rate slows and I remember where I am, I rub my head. The ghost of a hole in the back of my head fades, but the real pain on my crown still throbs.

Welcome to Furnace.

I chuckle, tired, and turn to look into the yard.

The only light in the prison is the softly glowing screen above the elevator leading to the surface. For all I know, this could be another trick of the dreams to send me spiraling further into Furnace’s hell.

Although I know I should sleep longer, I end up swinging out of bed and dropping to the ground before I can think better of it. The light from the screen would have kept me up, anyway.

I pace, running through the plan. I always feel like I’m forgetting something. The world could end, and I’ll still feel like I’m forgetting something.

I don’t know what plans Cross has, so it’s all up in the air after we break out. If all goes well, we should be back on the surface within five months.

If not, we’ll likely never see the surface before we end up back in the Cube.

After that, well…

“Hey.”

I jump, thrown off balance. A blacksuit sits next to my cell, his silver eyes fixed on me. I drop to the floor next to the bars and can’t help a smile.

“Hey, kid. What’s up?”

“Just checking on you,” he says. “We were starting to wonder if you were ever showing up.”

I smile but don’t respond. Many of them were happy with their life in the Cube. I told Connor to give them the option to stay there with the Scouts, but they chose this. I don’t understand it.

We chat for a while. I ask about the Scouts, but he claims to have been in the universe too long to remember any details. When he turns it around and ask if they’ve contacted me, I pull conversation back to the prison.

“Look, I need to tell you something,” he says, lowering his voice. “Down there, he’s doing something to the new recruits. Rumor has it, he’s trying to turn them against you.”

A weight settles in my stomach, cold and heavy. I sit in silence long enough for him to look back at me. I try to calm down. This is how the game is played after all.

“Is it working?”

“Not yet.”

I can’t suppress a sardonic laugh. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but our mutual friend is an ass.” I rock back on my heels. “I’m done pulling punches. You guys deserve better than that prick.”

“So, you’re going to kill him?”

I don’t answer, standing and turning away. I chew the inside of my cheek, already drifting away. He seems to take my silence as an affirmation.

“I don’t blame you,” he says, his chuckle a soft growl in the darkness. “We’re all rooting for you. Good luck, Sawyer.”

I turn back fast enough to catch his wink before he turns away, and I wonder how he knows about my name change. Connor, maybe?

I wonder how else he busied himself while he was waiting for me.

Watching the suit go, I’m left in the cell by myself. I stare blankly at my bunk and wonder just what the hell I’m doing here. It’s hot, I’m underground, and everyone here wants to kill me.

What am I going to do when Cross gets his little experiment to work? I resume pacing, allowing my fingers to itch at my forearm. There really isn’t anything I can do about it for now. It’s not a problem.

Until it is a problem.

I climb back into my bunk to put together ideas on how best to end my brother’s life. From here, there isn’t much I can do. An inmate in his prison, he could choose to kill me at any time.

After thinking on it, I make up my mind. I allow myself a laugh, the sound becoming a shocked squeak when the lights suddenly come on. Jolting upright, I smack my head against the ceiling a second time.

“Shit!” I hiss, pressing the heel of my hand against my throbbing forehead.

Still, I heave myself out of bed. I only have to wait a few minutes for the bars to rattle open.

I almost leave, but I hesitate with a glance at the bed. I’m just a little worried that someone will target me and ruin my stuff. They did it to Alex, after all, in the original books.

When I turn around, Kevin stands in the doorway. I start, more surprised than anything. Isn’t his cell on the fourth floor?

“How fast did you have to run to get down here?”

He ignores that, nodding to someone out of sight. Two Skulls step in front of my cell, and I sigh. “These'll make sure you don’t slip outta our match, sweetheart.”

He flashes me a wicked grin and leaves, the others staying in my doorway. I watch him go, brow furrowed. He’s getting really into this charade.

The two cronies don’t move when I start for the cell door, and I pause. With a swift glance, I appraise them. They still don’t move.

I smile.

“If you don’t move, I’ll be forced to move you myself.”

They exchange glances and smirk. Still, they stay in place. I sigh and shrug.

My hand twitches, and they crumple to the ground as one. Their eyes glazed, they struggle and fail to find their feet.

“You shouldn’t underestimate anyone in a place like this, you know.”

I catch Kevin watching me from the door of the trough room when I start over there myself. I don’t acknowledge anyone while I grab a tray.

This time, I successfully acquire a meal.

I do my best to force the sludge they call food here down my throat. It makes me think of runny Malt-o-Meal, so it tickles my gag reflex more than a little.

The two boys I floored are just entering the mess hall as I stand to leave. I feel them glowering at me, but when all three of us find ourselves in Room One of the chipping halls, I note with satisfaction that they find a place on the opposite side of the room with their picks and hard hats.

I fantasize about breaking Cross’s face in while I work. No one tries to start shit, thankfully, so I’m able to stew in my own head until the standing guard calls for the ed of the works day.

I have no idea how much rock I cleared, but the anger lingering from the assault leaves my throat thick. I need to control myself.

I don’t realize how sore all of this turns my muscles until I have to stop. Trying to use my arms for something other than swinging a pick at a wall? No thanks.

Still, I fight through it and drag the thing back to the equipment racks. On the way, I roll my shoulders and try to work the kinks out of them. By the time I abandon mu equipment and enter the shower rooms, my arms and back almost feel normal again.

If I can excuse the underlying ache in my entire body, that is.

I always forget about this part when I decide to come here. The communal showering part.

The room is an open space nearly identical to the chipping rooms we just left. Red walls, red ceiling, rough around the edges in every sense. The only differences are the drain fixed in the middle of the floor and the water sprinklers overhead.

I can feel eyes on me as I shed my paper shoes and throw them into the corner with other crumpled bits of clothing. I steel myself, swallowing every anxious thought I have, and my overalls quickly follow the shoes into the pile.

There’s a wolf whistle and gloating mutters, but no one comes closer than a yard to me. They must be too scared of Kevin and the Skulls to risk approaching me.

While I’m grateful for that, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m left naked in a room full of teenage boys that haven’t seen a titty in years. I keep my arms resolutely crossed over my chest.

With a hiss, icy water cascades from the ceiling. The cold sends a shock through my body, but once I get used to it, it’s a godsend. A drink of lemonade on a hot day. A swim in the middle of summer. A nice shower after hours of work.

I’m enjoying the spray, tucked into a corner, when I catch sight of Connor across the room. He’s talking with one of the boys Kevin told to keep an eye on me, not looking particularly amused.

Then he shoots a shocked glance at me and laughs. The boy looks taken aback, and that quickly morphs into irritation. Connor can’t seem to take the conversation seriously anymore, and the boy eventually walks away.

Connor looks at me as if sharing a joke and shakes his head.

The moment the water stops, I step into the first clean set of overalls I find, now that the dirty ones have been replaced. I half expect Connor to come find me when I enter the yard, but he walks by without a backward glance to join several Skulls at a table.

Something about Connor wearing the Skulls bandana feels wrong. I loiter next to the opening to the chipping rooms, watching him. His sandy hair is longer than I’ve ever seen it, falling down his back past his shoulders even with the cloth on his head.

He looks up, turning curious eyes on me for just an instant before returning to his game. None of the Skulls seem to have noticed. I shrug and move on, reaching out my awareness to brush his as I pass. He returns the gesture, though his voice doesn’t waver at all in his conversation with the Skulls.

I head for an opening in the rock just under the first set of stairs to the upper levels. It’s guarded by two inmates, but they don’t stop me. I brace myself before entering the gym, knowing what to expect.

The exercise machines must have all been moved to the side years ago, leaving a ring in the center. The rock has been worn down, stained a deep red by the blood shed here mixing with the firey dust lining the entire prison. The room is still empty, and I cross to the center of the circle. Bending down, I rest my fingertips on the dark floor.

I can feel the pain of the hundreds of inmates beaten bloody on this spot. If I try, I could probably feel the evidence of my own fights, the ones from other worlds. All of this hurt can’t be limited to this one. If all of these universes are connected by one place, I could almost believe this is it. I always thought it would be the island or the tower, but—

“Hey.”

I slowly stand and turn around to face Kevin. He only has one Skull with him, hovering in the doorway.

I don’t say anything, just stand in the center of the bloody ring. I'm too aware of my aching muscles, all of the weakness. I don’t know if I’ll last long in a real fight against him, and I don’t know if he knows that or not.

I step back, to the far end of the ring. He steps into it, motioning for his buddy to stay back.

A few others show up, but the first keeps them from entering the room. The newcomers are forced to watch from the doorway. Kevin seems to be waiting for the crowd to grow, which I can appreciate.

He wants a show. I’ll be sure to give him one, then. I put on an easy smile. Arrogant, self-assured.

“So, big boy, you still think this is a good idea?” When I slip into a confident stance, he does the same. Good. This would have been exhausting if I’d had to hold his hand through the whole thing.

“Pretty damn sure. You having second thoughts?” We’re slowly circling each other by now. I hope he’ll make the first move. I’m much better with defensive work than offensive.

A small timer appears in the corner of my eye.

He gives himself away somehow. A subtle tensing, or a change of expression. He doesn’t pull his hand back, but I can still feel the punch coming. The timer starts. In the split second I have to react, I make a decision. This is how it will go. It takes all of my willpower to merely throw up a shield of thought.

I don’t move.

My shield protects me from the worst of it. The pain, when his fist connects with my gut, isn’t that awful. I still double over, though, and he slams his elbow into my spine. I try to protect myself with another shield, but I can’t focus enough to make it form.

This one hurts.

I cry out, my mind racing for a way to salvage my pride and avoid obviously throwing the fight. The moment his hands leave me, he kicks me to the ground.

This is good, I tell myself. Barely two seconds into the fight and I’m already getting wrecked. I take a moment to assess myself internally and find that the damage is minimal.

Thank god.

I stay down, feigning groans of pain. The boys outside cheer in the background, feeding the static hissing in the back of my head.

I hear Kevin approaching. Slowly, calmly.

I take in a breath and focus. I can do anything if I can keep my fucking head. I visualize what I need to do, imagine it, run the reel over the back of my eyelids while I wait.

He stops.

Now.

I slam my hand against the ground, kicking out to sweep his feet out from under him. My momentum brings me stumbling to my feet.

I wait for him to scramble to his feet, then I catch him in the jaw and grasp his shoulder to keep him from reeling back. He has just enough time to realize what I’m about to do and start to twist away.

He’s too late.

I swing my knee up to kick him between the legs. I shove him back and watch him fall. He’ll recover, and it’s his choice whether this continues or not.

I try to gather myself, but I don’t have time.

He comes up again, his stance still awkward. His nose bleeds freely, but he does nothing to stem it.

I shrug, smiling. “Haven’t you had enough?”

He grunts in response and rushes me. It’s sloppy, and I could easily trip him. Instead, I sidestep and push him square in the back. His momentum throws him out of the ring and back to the ground.

He gives me no choice if he’s refusing to actually fight.

I stride to him and plant my foot on his back. I lean down, whispering so the crowd can’t hear.

“Stop holding back.”

I clench my fists, then loosen them. This is the choice I’ve made. This is the way it needs to go. I hope it’s the right thing to do.

The moment I move my foot, he jumps up swinging. I block it and counter with an uppercut to the stomach.

He cringes, coughing, but he takes advantage of my occupied hands before I can really recover. He takes the opportunity to jab me in the throat.

I stumble back, retching.

Fuck, that hurt. It distracts me enough that I don’t notice his fist until—

Flashes of light blot out my vision.

I realize that I’m on the ground, and this confirms it: It’s over. My shields still won’t come up, the static filling my head until his next strike seems to come out of nowhere.

In a moment of panicked delirium, I wonder if it hurts to kick someone so many times with paper shoes. It has to, right?

I think he’s saying something, but I can’t hear him. The ringing in my ears diminishes before he finishes, though, and I hear the crowd cheering. He nudges me onto my back, smirking.

“Looks like you’re mine, sweetheart.” He doesn’t wink. He doesn’t give me any sign. I guess I deserve this for egging him on so much. “What? No jokes? Nothing?”

He kicks again.

It brings a little life to my mind when the shield I try to throw actually absorbs the hit.

This boy has no self control, and he gets carried away so easily. I wonder briefly if I made the wrong choice. I glance at the timer, grimacing at the blinking 38.47 seconds. Such a short fight, and I’m a mess. I split my lips into a weak, bloody smile anyway.

“You’re such an ass,” I mutter, barely loud enough for him to hear. I don’t think I could speak louder if I tried. His face twists into one of anger, and he moves to kick me again.

“Kevin.”

He freezes.

I slide my gaze over to see that Connor has pushed his way into the gym. His eyes are hard, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“What do you want?” The bloody boy demands without turning.

“What did I tell you?” Saying nothing more, he watches him steadily.

Kevin slowly lowers his foot and steps away from me. As the crowd outside begins to dissipate, I struggle to sit up. Connor shoves past Kevin and kneels at my side, pressing me back down.

“What did you do?” I ask, cringing at the blood filling my mouth. That’s not right.

“I told him that he wouldn’t survive the week if you can’t stand at the end of this fight.” He smiles and cups my cheek with one hand, his other lightly resting on my stomach. His eyes go out of focus for a moment, then he sighs in resignation. “You’ll need to fix that.”

“It’ll be fine. I have something to tell you,” I murmur. “It’s important.”

He hushes me before I can continue.

“Later. You have to deal with the consequences of throwing the fight. Dummy.” He pats my cheek and stands.

He calls for the remaining Skulls to clear out. He looks back once before leaving me alone with Kevin again.

Kevin paces near the door, and I watch him warily as I slowly sit up. My head spins, blood is still trickling down my chin, and my body feels like a disaster zone, but I can still move. I’ll be fine.

“Did you really throw the fight?”

I narrow my eyes, trying to focus on Kevin. He’s stopped pacing, watching me now. I wipe my mouth and stare at the blood on my hand. I need to find out what Connor saw in there. After a moment, I look back at him.

“Yeah.” I give him a tight smile before spitting out a glob of blood. “You still won. Just make sure you keep your end of the deal.”

He takes a step toward me, but I raise a hand and he stops. I chuckle weakly and rest the same hand on my midsection. Pain lances up my sides and I have to force myself to calm down.

“Oh, shit,” I hiss, probing my awareness around my organs. I find a few ribs cracked, one broken, and… “My liver's bleeding, hang on.”

Kevin watches in horrified fascination as I phase my hand into my abdomen. It takes a minute for me to find the rupture and run a healing finger over it. I do the same with my ribs and slowly check for other damage I may have missed, but I don’t find anything.

Everything is fine.

I pull my hand out and wipe most of the blood off on my overalls.

“That’s crazy.” I can hear the uneasiness in his voice before looking and seeing it on his face. I shrug.

“This is nothing.”

I spit more blood out and wipe any remaining grossness off of my face with a sleeve. With this done, I heave my aching body upright and stride forward to stop directly in front of Kevin.

I put on a demure mask when I look up at him, reaching a hand out to cup his face. I catch a hint of a flinch, and it makes me smile.

“It’s time for you to go brag about your victory and for me to slink back to my cell. Enjoy this while it lasts.” I pause, patting his cheek. “Boss.”

#writing #my writing #bf #sawyer #connor #tw: naked bodies #tw: graphic violence #tw: body horror #maddart #bf writing #the collective

2 notes · View notes