#the cu's are mutts lol

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a “young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight

[muttalert]

what breed of dog would u be btw ..

well my sona is a filipino street mutt so prob that!

but also like saying "mutt" is kind of cheating so if i had to be something else i'd probably be a shiba or a husky cus i can get pretty loud lol

[bloodnbunnies]

What are the affectionate names the glams like to give each other?

~blue

Ohohoho my friend, you have just hit the jackpot… I’m SUCH A SAP for cute nicknames n shit… I just ADORE it… :] So here’s some nicknames that circulate among the glams :]

Freddy🐻

To Chica

Chi (pronounced like cheese but w/out the s and e), my dear, sweet pea, sweetheart

To Monty

Bud, tough guy, Monts/Mont

To Roxy

Hotrod, speedster, bullet (cus y’know, they’re very fast when shot XD)

To Bonnie

Honeybunny, honeybun, Bonnibel, bun, bunbun, bon, bonbon, my sweet little bunny ~ (Gee… it’s almost like I ship them XDD some of these are platonic, some lmao)

Chica🐔

To Freddy

Hun, strawbearry, Freddy bear, teddy bear, bestie

To Roxy

Honey, sweetie, Roxy-poo, puperoni, puppy, Roxrox

To Monty

Big guy, macho man, stallion, sweetheart, MonMon, Monts, Montgummy

To Bonnie

Bon, Bonbon, fluff-butt, fluffy, Mr. hoppy, funny bun

Bonnie🐰

To Freddy

Fredster, Honeybear, boobear, big bear, darlin’, sweetums, teddy bear, sweetheart, boo, mr cuddly bear, wifey (which started out as a joke but kinda just… stuck lol)

To Chica

Poptart, pumpkin, cupcake, sweetheart, chickadee, Chi, doll

To Monty

Showoff, tough guy, big guy, bumpkin (very much in an affectionate manner tho lol), goofball

To Roxy

Pumpkin, wolfy, pupcake, girly, dear

Monty🐊

To Freddy

Teddy, teddy bear, squeaky, squeakers (bc of his nose lol), Fredster, Fatbear (used to be a insult but now it’s just become a nickname that no longer has the intention to hurt behind it, more to poke fun) often calls him by his last name Fazbear to the point it’s become a nickname for him lol

To Chica

Sweet cheeks, chickadee, tiny, girly, lil chick, dolly, ducky (he found out that people used to think she was a duck… now the nickname is stuck lmao), angel face, doll face, barbie girl, pretty girl

To Roxy

Hot stuff, Hotrod, puppy, wolfy, mutt, lil bitch (which he can only call her, along with mutt, because she knows it’s not coming from a bad place and she’s quite comfortable with him), Speedy Gonzales, roadrunner, good-lookin’, darlin, doll face, rugrat

To Bonnie

Little guy, bunny rabbit, cottontail, fluffybutt, lil buddy, bon, bunny, simply just “rabbit”, jerkface, asshole (these are very playful lol)

Roxy🐺

To Freddy

Dork, dorkatron, doofus, Winnie the pooh (to his dismay), nerd, old man

To Chica

Sweets, sweetcheeks, nugget, cupcake, chick, chicky, lil birdie

To Monty

Lizard, gator man, scales, the occasional fuckface and dumbass, Roxy and Monty’s terms of endearment tend to be straight up insults but they’re close and know the other doesn’t mean it in an insulting way XD, that’s why they’re the only one’s that can do it to each other

To Bonnie

Bunny boy, Bon, thumper (he ain’t too happy with this one XD), mr hops, bucky, goofball

And that’s all… for now at least XD

[rowarn]

Ro. Literally love Mutt. ITS SO GOOD. I woke up this morning and got like a reminder to read it and DAMNNNN. Absolutely ate down. Nikto the typa guy to say “lol no ur not really my priority ‘cus ima dip” and then smother u with his undying loyalty. Live, laugh, love Rowarn everyone!! Throwing hands with anyone who says otherwise. I hope both sides of your pillows are cold, I hope your chargers work at any angle, I hope your devices work at 4K quality, just MWA MWA. Thank you for feeding us once again 😭🙏🙏 REST UP!! We shall be waiting for your next masterpiece 🫂

wahhhhh thank u babie !!! i'm so glad u liked it!!!!! ur too sweet ):

AND YES !!!! HES LITERALLY THE DREAM MAN !!!! I LOVE A MAN WHO THINKS HE HATES ME BUT I ACTUALLY LIVE IN HIS SKIN AND HE DOESNT REALIZE IT UNTIL LATER

[antiradqueer]

dont know if this is important at all, but genuineparafreak seems based on parafreak (https://www.tumblr.com/mutt-menace/729628593461903360/parafreak-for-those-with-stigmatized-attractions?source=share) which is very different

angry predator xenosatanists pissing themselves cus they got excluded for being being predators who think diddling kids and animals is cool instead of being accepted for being "super cool freaks".

anyway go report @/mokagender , @/moegapboy , @/freakasiek , @/impinnit and @/yanguro-cake too lol. all in the notes of the xenosatanists tantrum post or backing up the predator

theres no room for this kinda shit and those who support it.

[attackonari]

Welcome, Master! (ArcherGil, CasGil, Hakuno)

I think I have a thing for having Hakuno just troll poor Archer.

Keep the smile on your face. Keep the smile on your face. Come on Hakuno! You can do it!

“Oh Waitress! I want to order another cake!”

This guy.

“What kind of cake would you like Master,” I appeared at the side of their table.

“Hmmm,” he paused, “ah, how about you recommend me another?”

This damn guy.

“Woman,” his twin, his older brother, “another black coffee.”

I don’t care who this guy is, he’s way nicer than his twin asshole.

“Yes, Master,” I write down the order, “Would you like me to bring you a pot instead?”

“No,” he smirks, “I like when you call me Master.”

Fuck them both. 

“Waitress,” the other one exclaims, “my cake recommendation!”

“How about the Italian Tiramisu to go with your coffee Master?”

That’s right Hakuno, ignore at least one idiot.

“Hmmm,” his eyes flick away from his golden tablet, “alright, I’ll take it,” he smirks at his brother.

“Understood Master,” I chirp because the customer is number 1! (Can I clock out yet? Please!)

“Oi! Don’t ignore me!”

This one is so annoying.

“Right Master! A cake recommendation,” I put a finger on my lip to look like a ditz, “then, how about our Apple Cookies! The kids really like those when they come!”

“You…!”

Me what, you overgrown child?

“He’ll take them,” the semi-polite one smirked, “make sure to bring some milk for him too.”

“Yes Master! That’s one black coffee, one slice of Tiramisu, a plate of Apple Cookies and one glass of Milk. I’ll get them for you right away Master!”

I can’t feel my cheeks. I semi-quickly walk to the back to get the items we need. I pass by Gudako who seems to be involved with reading the menu to this golden haired guy who seems to keep staring at her. He has a white haired twin with him. Is today twin day? She doesn’t seem to mind the both of them based on her increasingly red face.

While waiting for the orders to come I spot Rin at a table of blue haired rowdy guys. She seems to be trying to tell them to keep it down, but her face is also turning red. I don’t think it’s for blushing though. Why is it all the trouble makers have come today? If it wasn’t for the fact that these guys seem to be loaded, they would have been kicked out long ago. 

“Here’s your order Hakuno~” Merlin smiles at me. 

Get bent you playboy. 

“Oi! Waitress!”

“Coming Master,” I take the tray and walked to the table of Blond Menaces. 

“A black coffee and tiramisu for First Master,” I place the cup and plate down, “and a plate of Apple Cookies and Milk for Young Master.”

“Young Master?” 

I finish placing down the items when I hear a chuckle.

“Yes,” the seemingly older one said, “Young Master. After all,” he looked straight at his brother “you are the one acting childish here. Now eat your milk and cookies.”

The younger ones face turns red, before a smirk graces that face. And I’m walking away.

“Hey, waitress,” damn it, “come back, I want to order something.” 

Someone please, save me.

“YOU DAMN OVERGROWN MUTTS! I DON’T CARE HOW RICH YOU ARE! YOU DON’T TREAT A LADY LIKE THIS!”

Thank you Rin.

I love you Rin.

“Excuse me Masters,” I turn to speed over to Rin’s table.

Upon reaching Rin’s table, I see her near tears with a red face of frustration. I take her arm and put her behind me. I look and stare at the gaggle of blue haired “Mutts”.

“Masters, it seems you have upset one of the waitresses of this establishment. I ask that you please pay for what you ordered and kindly leave,” I continue to stare, “otherwise the Café will not be liable for your injuries.”

“Oi oi Miss, you’re a cutie too,” Mutt with face tattoos said. 

“I see then,” I smile, “Thank you Masters.”

I take a deep breath.

“Heracles!!! Please escort these Mutts out!”

Hearing loud steps behind me, 253cm of pure muscle stopped right behind me. Because our café was pretty relaxed about things, Heracles was hired to put a stop to things that hinder our job. Most of the time, it’s idiots who take harassment too far.

“O-Oi!”

“We didn’t even do anything!”

A few of the mutts were trying to protest as Heracles lifted them all by the backs of their shirts and chucked them out of the café. I took Rin to Merlin who already had a cup of tea ready. 

“Waitress!”

Back to work it is. Heracles looked at me for a moment, but I shook my head. These two haven’t reached that level yet. 

“Coming Master!”

Besides, the expressions the younger one makes when I don’t react the way he wants has been making my day. 

“Would you like more cookies and milk Master,” I asked loudly as I walked to the table of blonds.

Sniggering was heard from Merlin and everyone else.

Yeah, I got this.

[kitmoas]

okay im loving these sharing concepts. i feel like natasha would find great satisfaction in denying people the right to play w toy. like shes so smug about it when she gets to shoot carol down.

valkyrie requests to be called king i bet omg. toy does it sweetly but kate does it mockingly.

wanda likes watching kate get fucked bc she can put her full attention on pulling kates leash and/or degrading/praising her.

wandanat secretly have had little meetings updating an unofficial list of 'yes' 'hard nos' and 'maybes' in terms of what people are allowed access to play time LOL. the 'no' column is especially long and detailed bc theyre possessive. (when toy finds out they gets to add a small column of who they allow for kate)

meanwhile kates just sitting back and taking whatever she does or doesnt get cus shes up for anything

OH NON!! Natasha shooting Carol down is literally the pinnacle of excitement for Nat. Everyone else she’s super respectful and nice about it cause at the end of the day she sees dynamic and boundaries as important but Carol she puts on a SHOW. Completely smug and rubbing it in her face that Carol is thirsting after HER little Toy, that she comes to earth to see HER toy. Meanwhile Toy sits there like :)

Val is the sweetest thing ever, and toy absolutely loves Val. Val is too anxious about asking for a specific title (especially with Toy who is JUST so sought after and precious, mostly because her confidence like Kate is there but it’s definitely a mask too) So when Toy sorta just slides up the first time Wanda says yes to playing with her a sweet mumbled “Hi, my King” as Toy tugs on Val’s hoodie—oh that gay little king is GONE. But Kate finds out, and in turn is allowed to play with Val too. And the cocky mutt walks up to her, after being denied by Natasha for the past 5 days. And just mockingly say “oh Helllllo my majesty, heard you wanted to get a turn with the pup” a smirk on her face that you can bet Val will fuck away.

Wanda loves to sit back and watch any of her girls get fucked. It’s her preferred way tbh, it usually lets her control every aspect without getting too distracted. she also gets to see everyone’s reactions.

WandaNat totally have bi-weekly meetings—to update lists, go back over rules/boundaries, and just do check ins in general. Then the weeks that aren’t for WandaNat are for the entire Quad.

Kate in the corner like :) who I get to play with?

[hoodiedeer]

btw just 2 clarify cus its been a while. my pronouns are she/they but Tucker’s (emo femboy mutt fursona with the stripy tail) are he/they (but if u mistake him 4 a girl he wouldnt mind lol)

my other fursonas (hoodiedeer gwen and strawberry) use she or they

[3k626ekful7ozxujar43keiw236in2h]

Also i dont relate to the dog/cat person debate posts i love both and they’re angels and i dont care about what breed

[jedward5ever]

Jacob and Edward

hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that. 

setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet

edward: so what did you get for number 5?

Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it

edward: ok. why?

Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?

e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?

J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes

e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules

J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo

e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria

J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous

e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i  feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’

J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing

e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me

J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….

e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying

J: *mumbles something*

e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.

J: i said…..i….l...ll

e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT

j:......i….love……

e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*

J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*

e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*

J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……

e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?

J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot

e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth

J: what does it say man

e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it

J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...

e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on

Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*

LAMOAOAK

J: dude…...thats in the textbook????

e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…

J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….

e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook

J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha

e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u

J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?

e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*

J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS

J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..

e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again...  monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…

J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..

e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…

J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?

e: no… *intense eye contact*

J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different

e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then  accidentally looks down* bro… is that….

J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!

e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u

J: youre...attracted to me……

e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood

J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*

e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*

J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????

e: u tell me

J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have

e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs

J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then

e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways

J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick

e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….

J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck

e: well yeah more or less

the end

BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued

LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3

setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)

jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.

e: ugh. u again.

J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault

e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason

J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back

e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to

J:.........what do you mean…….

e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..

J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......

e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?

J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement

e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*

J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring

e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*

J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…

e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that  back right fucking now

J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?

e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*

J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though

andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.

J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…

e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that

J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us

e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*

J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me

e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*

J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan

e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what

J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..

e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…

J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other

e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…

J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too

e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*

J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid

e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…

J: *steps closer* make...me…..

e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…

J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me

a/n: how fucking close are they now huh  uhh like 3 ft apart ok

e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME

J: make me *smirks*

a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need

e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy

J: do it then…..

e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*

J: *dies*

e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*  

J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*

a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL

e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard

a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO

J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?

e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that

J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*

e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME

a/n IM CRYING HAHA

J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you

e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog

J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…

e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.

J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….

e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.

a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW

J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..

e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess

a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)

J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place

e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…

J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers

e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.

J: what man???

e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.

J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember

e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.

J: ……...how?

e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.

J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….

e: *squints at him* what.

J: we could……..you know…. ..

e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.

J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you

e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until  a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*

J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight

e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?

J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right

e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.

a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person

J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting

a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP

e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*

a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW

J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…

e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*

J: you don't have to look away…..

e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.

J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….

e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay

J: maybe…..but so are you…….

END

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon  except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye

dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue

setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions

J: so make yourself at home i guess…..

e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?

J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are

e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..

a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie  absolutely not

J;well like……...theres only one bed…

e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)

J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*

e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*

(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think

J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit

Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????

edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…

J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary

a/n: k so im billy now? If u want

billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*

edward: …

billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?

edward: .

J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go

e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now

(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)

(in jacobs room)

J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again

e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*

a/n HAHAHAHAHA

J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..

e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework

J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*

e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh

J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again

e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.

J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???

e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING

J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR

e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*

J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*

e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….

J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something

e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably

(but they on sacred land or smthn)

J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so  now what???

e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…

J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world

e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad

J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever

e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*

J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*

e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*

J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U

e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….

J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……

e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.

J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me

e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so  my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok

a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels

J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….

e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*

J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho

e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY

J: *dies*

e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.

J: *still dead*

e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.

J: *just a fucking corpse*

e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.

J: *not alive*

e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART  HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT

*continuing edward monologue*

e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*

(billy comes out from behind the house)

J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad

Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall

e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?

J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know

Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*

e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?

J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????

e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.

J: how…..???

e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….

J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????

e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .

J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???

e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food

J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian

e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*

J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo

(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)

e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke

ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS

J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*

e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr

J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something

e: . im tired. u get something for me.

J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit

e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.

J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some

BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all

k anyways continue

J; here take this eat up

a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right

e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom

J: feel better now?

e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom

J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……

e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk

a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good

J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????

e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food

J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit

e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*

J: *rolls eyes*......

e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.

J: *says nothing but keeps looking*

e: *slurp* u want some then?

J: absolutely not

e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here

J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting

e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*

(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)

a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post  YES

J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..

e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom

J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….

e: ur the one who hunted it.

J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks

e: what the fucks a mcdicks

J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..

e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…

J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh

e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again

J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want

e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what

J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???

e: do about what

J: me calling you small minded idiot

e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up

J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???

a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA

e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT

J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…

e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..

J: *steps closer* do it then

e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*

J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*

e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*

J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*

e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..

J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer

e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea

BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA

e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.

J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back

e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU

J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???

e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*

J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*

e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*

J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home

e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*

J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?

e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*

(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)

a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm

J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………

e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever

J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…

(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*

e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….

J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....

e: wait. do u hear that……..

(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)

bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys

a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW

J: uh…..who the fuck are you….

b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….

J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?

e: *uncomfotable.*

bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.

J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??

b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize

e: hhhhhhhhhh

J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??

bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*

e: wait…. u can’t

bella: y?

e: um……. bc….

J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….

e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?

b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)

J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?

bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e

e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT

bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*

J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……

(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS

e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT

J: …………*jumps at edward again*

e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*

(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)

e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE

J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……

(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)

e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!

bella: omg so cringe stop pls

J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……

(awake and unafraid asleep)

e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*

J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..

b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*

e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)

J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........

e: hmmmm,......  jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP

(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)

J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..

e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG

j:  *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….

(na na na is over and fades slowly bc  bella closes her mouth)

b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN

e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…

J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..

e: *checks him for wounds*

bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him

J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*

b: stay down. that’s an order u dog

e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH

(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)

J: ………..

(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)

b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend

e: *blushes* bro not right now

b: no seriously

e: …..

b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?

e: ….

b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition

(what is this condition lemme think)

b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child

e: ok (?)

(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)

e: *goes back to jacob* helo

J: are you ok…….what went down??????

e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that

J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??

(the mist rises)

e: ok…. can you even walk?

J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*

e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber

BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH

a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u

(jacobs room)

J: ok im fine stop worrying  

(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)

biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand  i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….

e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor

a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu

J: who…….

e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…

J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???

e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.

Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else

J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….

seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……

e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner

seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor

a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)

J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….

e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*

billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?

seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.

J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????

billy: JACOB (does he have  a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..

seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?

J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool

e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*

seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…

J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*

a;/n: lMFAO

(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)

e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*

billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible

seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um ….  ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me

e: *still staring at the wall* no

J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????

e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?

J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…

e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*

J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad

e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*

s: OH my fucking GOd  *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*

J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*

e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*

billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid

seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome

J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…

seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?

billy: *leaves*

J: so i think i need a real doctor now

s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*

J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?

e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.

J: bruh why not u said u would earlier

e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.

J: dude come here let me see your head

e: no

J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way

e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….

J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??

e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr

J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?

e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad

J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???

e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move

J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…

e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*

J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…

e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*

(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)

J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…

e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier

J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????

e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that

J: dude wtf…..why are you like this

e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …

J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner

e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*

J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me

e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.

J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know

BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING

e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit

J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell

e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN

J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that

e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?

a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that

J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole

e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that

J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????

e: u tell me

a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO  LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu

J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……

e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work

J: you could have just asked…..

e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*

J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???

e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)

J: *dies*

e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on

J: *still dead*

e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly

J: *dead*

e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that

J: idk man but its a banger tho

e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh

J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….

e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…

J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????

e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches

J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???

e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .

a/n IM CRYING

J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before

e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in

J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man

e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life

J: i get so many bitches u would not believe

e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone  and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u

J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close

e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*

J: *angerily silent*.......

e: *starts laughing* like……..  i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah

J; *still silent* …………………….

(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )

e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm

J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........

e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..

J: *mumbles* go get it then……

e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….

J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..

e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package

J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot

e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk

J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man

e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*

(billy and other wolf members: :|

J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf

e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*

J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you

e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally

J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much

e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*

J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????

e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…

J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….

e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*

J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones

J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down

e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*

J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*

e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage

BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge

Sorry bro ok bye

(now is morning)

e: *been watching tik toks all night long*

J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh

e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working

J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….

e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father  now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….

J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….

e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life

J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this

e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?

J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot

e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..

J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u

e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..

J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……

e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?

J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……

e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*

J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….

e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?

J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….

e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….

J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….

e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..

J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….

e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time

J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO

e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog

J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving

e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….

J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????

e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there

J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now

e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo

J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..

e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?

J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..

e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……

J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r  u always so fucking difficult

e: im not difficult bruh

J: u fucking r

e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway

J: alright sick

[everydayanth]

My mom always just said that going in and out of such drastically different environments makes everyone sick. Then when I went through bioanth, I asked my genetics professor about a theory because Jake, who is genetically adapted to the highlands/upper elevations of central Europe, is quick to adapt to the temperatures in the spring (though the boy suffers in humidity, but that’s ‘cus he was raised in Chicago, and I was on the east side of Lake Mich, where the humidity hardly falls unless it freezes lol), while I, who am genetically a mutt but pretty consistently adapted to the northern lowlands, particularly of the Baltic region, get easily sick going in and out of AC.

She, a BAMF featured several times in NatGeo specials, leader in her field, and real-life Bones who helps legal forensics teams as a consultant and has a fully certified lab in her garage, just dead-pan looked at me and went “yes, because temperatures in the mountains are faster to change and be variable, so he is genetically more adaptable to short changes, while your body is made for lowland seas and will more wholly adapt to any environment, but it will take longer and more consistency for your physical adaptions to get the message.”

Which has been SO TRUE! 

We moved to California: Jake was fine for a while, I got heat stroke on a regular basis despite drinking plenty of water for like, three months. Then I was fine, my skin figured its shit out, and he struggled with the consistency.

We moved to Washington, Jake was great with the variable weather initially. We lost our tans, but mine took so long, I was craving sun for, again, the first three months. Then, Jake was miserable in the rain (and because of other things like the mess of a start-up he was with at the time), and I was loving it. 

We moved to the Mojave desert of south-eastern CA, and Jake did great once he got the initial sunburns out of the way, he went in and out of AC with ease. But I. Was. Miserable. Utterly miserable. I couldn’t breathe outside, I felt like I was dying inside, the extremes were horrible. But within a few weeks, my body figured out its tan (without burning, I’m proud of it for that lol), and I could hike  and run just fine, I could stay hydrated and no heat stroke! Woo! And then the dessert hit Jake and he was done adapting. The AC started to make him sick, and lucky for him, we moved shortly after. Random fact: my hair got so dark (usually it gets highlights in the sun), that when I went home, my mom was freaking out because I had black hair lol, she just kept repeating “I don’t ever remember your hair being so dark except the day you were born!” 

Then we moved to New England. It’s much more humid here. I seem to be doing okay with the jumpy extremes of spring and early summer, but I did much better with the sudden cold of winter, quick to adapt to cold, but slow to heat seems kind of unfair with climate change, but perfectly suited to an oceanic life at a higher latitude. Jake is struggling with the humidity big time, and we had to put our AC in last week. I feel so guilty about it, but there’s got to be a cost-benefit ratio. 

Anyway, my whole point is that your individual adaption capability is probably encoded in you, and some people are more quick to adapt than others because at one point in their genetic history, that was such a beneficial thing that the body focused on preserving those adaptive qualities. People from nomadic or migrating genetic histories, or from areas of quick sudden change will probably be less bothered by AC, while those from more consistent regional genetics will probably have a more difficult time adapting to such quick temperature changes. Which is not the super-scientific way to say it, but if you struggle with AC like me, it can be miserable, so try for a gradual change, don’t jump from 90 to 60 degrees, but from 90 to 80 or 78, move the air around, fill your house with plants, keep the sun out during peak hours, and try to work with what your body is built for ^-^