#the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship

[scuffedcd]

I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,

[cas-skz]

Captivated

Kang Yeo Sang x Female Partner (Yeo Sang POV)

Summary: People always say guys and girls can't be "just friends". For 16 years you've been "just friends" with her. One afternoon, you decide to change that

Word Count: ~3k

Tags: Mature Content, Fluff, Smut, Angst (for one whole second) Childhood Friends, Male POV, Public Sex, Unprotected Sex

Written By: @littleforeignaffairs

You look down at your watch, the seconds hand ticking in circles so many times you’ve lost count. You sigh softly, leaning your head back against the wall. It’s been over an hour in this store alone, you knew that she had other stores in mind too.

“How many more?” You ask impatiently.

She showed up at your dorm early this morning. All it took was one sad look and her cooing “Yeeeoooo” for you to give in to her. The plan was for her to go shopping with one of her girlfriends for a blind date this evening. Last minute, her friend cancelled and she came to you. Being best friends is really getting problematic, at least for you. You absolutely can never say ‘no’ to her. She doesn’t even have to act cutesy, or beg you; though it gives you a spark of pleasure when she gives you that special attention.

She pulls open the dressing room door, her face cringing. She looks down at the dress, smoothing it over her body. You look her over, but when you make eye contact, you both burst into laughter.

“Next!”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Just thought I would try it” She returns to her cave, shuffling through clothing items. You lean back on the wall once again, letting your eyes close slowly.

“Yeo?” She murmurs softly

“Hm?” “Thank you”

Your lips pull, curling up into a smile.

“For what? Letting you bore me to death with your insufferable shopping habits?”

You can hear her laugh quietly.

“You always put up with me” “Well you decided at 7 years old that I was your friend. I didn’t have a choice” “And you still don’t” She laughs again

It was always jokes about how you “put up” with her shenanigans and attitude. But the truth is, there’s nothing you love more than having her in your life. You always felt it was so cliché, the whole in love with your best friend/girl next door story. But you could never deny that that ridiculous RomCom idea became your life.

You have no idea when it happened. Sometime through middle school your feelings of friendship began to feel more intense. Things she did slowly started to have new effects on you. Silly things. Like seeing her keel over in a hearty laugh, or seeing her cry when her first middle school boyfriend broke her heart after one week. As many times as you tried to deny the thoughts and suppress the feelings, you were always unsuccessful.

Just like those cheesey RomComs, you never wanted to risk your friendship with her. She means too much. So you settle for unrequited love. Which is exactly how you end up in situations like your current one; helping her pick out a dress for another man.

“Ready?”

You nod, knowing she cant see you. You stay still, hearing the click of the lock and creak of the door opening. She doesn’t say anything. You open one eye slowly, the silhouette of her body coming into view. Your stomach clenches inside you when your eyes finally focus. You straighten up, hands dropping to your side.

“So?”

This is a girl you’ve seen in a variety of outfits. Halloween costumes. Pajamas. Prom dress. Bar outfits. This dress though, stopped you in your tracks. You don’t know if its how the greenish blue looks against her milky skin. The deep v neck line, that allows her clavicles and sternum to be shown off. Or how the fit of the dress suddenly makes every dip and curve or her body more prominent. You breathe in deeply, taking in the woman in front of you as long as possible.

Your heart beat echoes loudly in your ears, it took you a moment to realize that she was talking to you. You blink a few times, refocusing yourself. You notice the concern on her face

“Is it that bad?” She turns, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

“No.” You croak. You run your tongue over your lips and through your mouth, trying to moisten it. “You look..” You half laugh, struggling for words. You can feel the heat flushing your cheeks, a sudden rush of embarrassment.

Her gaze catches you in the mirror. She smiles a little, looking over her shoulder to you.

“Are you blushing!?” She turns to fully face you, coming in closer. “Do I look hot? Sexy?”

You rub the back of your neck awkwardly while she teases you. Though her words are playful, her smile as she looks at you is nothing but adoration. She’s always teased you, it makes her happy. And you couldn’t stand in the way of what makes her happy.

“You think he’ll like it then?”

With that, the feeling is gone. The excitement is replaced with jealousy and pain. You take a deep breath, holding it in your lungs for a moment. You nod, exhaling

“Yeah. I think so…” Your words are quiet, but you do your best to save face. She’s happy, so you should be too.

She lets out an excited squeal, drumming your chest with her hands before heading back to the changing room. You exhale a small laugh, forcing a smile. For a moment, you really lost sight of what was happening here. She brought you along to find an outfit for another man, and you let you feelings cloud your view. You hit your head, gently, against the wall. You pinch the bridge of your nose, cursing yourself in your mind.

Fucking idiot.

A tiny frustrated groan travels out of the dressing room.

“Yeo? Can you help me?”

Without thinking, you push yourself off the wall, over to her door. You open it, walking right into the room. Her hands struggle behind her back, attempting to unzip her dress.

“It's jammed. I can’t move it”

You nod a little, swatting her hands away before taking the zipper in your fingers. You stare at your hands, fidgeting at the zipper. You’re painfully aware of how cold your fingers feel grazing against the warmth of her back. After a moment of tugging, the zipper slides down, releasing her bare back. The colour rushes back into your cheeks.

You raise your eyes to look at her in the mirror hanging in front of you. Your eyes scan her body again, then stop at her face. She still wears the same smile.

“Beautiful” You whisper

Her brows knit together, a gentle laugh leaving her lips

“Huh?” “You asked me, do you look sexy. Do you look hot” You purse your lips slightly, shaking your head. “You look beautiful”

Her smile dissipates. She turns slowly to face you. Her eyes shine of something you’ve never seen before. Curiosity and concern.

“Yeosa-“ “Can you not go?”

You feel selfish, greedy, dumping this onto her out of nowhere. But the feeling of jealousy started to overwhelm you once she mentioned him.

She stares at you blankly, stunned that you had requested such a thing. Your eyes look over her expression, and slowly down her body. A feeling of vulnerability must have filled her,as her hands clench the dress against her body. Your eyes halt on her somewhat bare shoulder. You raise your hand, the tips of your fingers touching against her shoulder, shifting the strap of the dress to the side.

You take a step in closer to her, seeing goosebumps rising on her shoulder, up her neck. You meet her eyes once again. Her pupils dilating, darken her once bright eyes. Her lips part slightly, her breathing becoming audible. You watch as her eyes shift between yours and your lips. You feel a haziness cloaking the dressing room. An uncertainty about the next step taken by either of you.

The silence is unsettling, and you can no longer resist. You cup her cheek with one hand, bringing your face down closer to her. She doesn’t move. Part of you had hoped that she would pull back, because there is no turning back now. Your nerves eat at your stomach while milliseconds feel like minutes. Your lips finally meet hers. You don’t kiss her, no, not yet. You let your lips linger over hers, grazing over them.

You feel her lips shift under yours. She’s cautious, just like you. You feel her hand touch against your stomach, curling into your shirt. Her touch has always been comforting to you, but in this moment you only feel yearning. You raise your other hand, cradling her face completely now. You finally press your lips to hers, exhaling through your nose harshly. It feels like a punch to the stomach, but a pain filled with so much desire.

You feel the weight of her body sink into yours. Her lips feel so supple, gently working with yours. You don’t want to stop. If you stop, she has time to regret this kiss. You feel her lips carefully moving from yours. She moves slowly, your lips partially sticking together as she tries to separate from you.

You lick your lips, looking over her face to find her expression. She keeps her head low, her eyes closed to avoid your stare.

“…. Can you not go” You whisper again.

You chew at your bottom lip, lifting her face gently to look at you. And that’s when you see it. She opens her eyes finally; they’re welling up with tears. You breathe in sharply, the sight of her twisting a pain of guilt in your chest.

I fucked up.

“I’m sorry” You start, stammering over your words “I crossed the line. One I knew I shouldn’t have tested. I shouldn’t ha-“

She wraps her arms around your neck, harshly pulling you down back to her lips. She kisses you, hungrily now. Your senses feel like they’re going haywire, with her lips so needy and her body pushing up against you. It’s as though electric currents are shooting under your skin.

Your kisses are messy and uncoordinated, but somehow its working for you. Maybe its because of the sudden desperation that had erupted in the small cubicle of space. Pent up tension and emotion finally being set free. You feel your pants becoming restricting, the sounds of heavy breathing and sucking sounds echoing in your ears.

Her hands slip underneath your shirt, finger tips sliding over your bare skin. Your stomach twitches under her touch, a burning sensation tickling you. You try to stay focused. Trying your best to not let your brain become blank. You struggle more and more, feeling her hand fall. Over your skin, your belly button, hip bones and waist of your jeans.

Your heart is ready to explode from anticipation, and she’s barely touched you. You want to look at her, see her expression as she touches you. But you don’t want to stop. You rest your forehead against hers, breaking the kiss. You open your eyes slowly, she’s already looking at you. Her face is beautifully flushed; lips swollen and eyes glistening. You watch her as her lips part slowly. Her eyes look over your face, attempting to read your expression as her hand finally lowers over your crotch. Your cock twitches under her touch.

Applying pressure carefully, she curls her fingers, grabbing hold of your still hardening cock.  You bite down on your lip, not wanting to make a sound. Not just because you’re pressed together in a department store changing room. But also, not wanting her to know how easily you turn to puddy with her touch. How easily you give in to her.

She tests you, her fingers moving up to the top of your jeans. She tilts her head a little when you feel the sensation of her tugging at the button of your jeans. You clench your fists by your side; so badly you want you rip that dress off her. You already knew how much of a brat she could be, but adding the sexual aspect to her regular attitude gives you thoughts that make you want to go absolutely feral.

Her hand slips into your pants, straight for skin. Her fingers are warm, wrapping around your girth to pull you free. You press your lips together tightly, both of you looking down at your throbbing hard on. A rush of heat fills you when she starts rubbing the tip of your cock. Your pre cum had already dampened the fabric of your underwear, and her teasing is only making you leak more.

You look at her, watching her eyes glow in awe. Your cock begins to twitch from her teasing touch. You’re sensitive, and eagerly waiting for her hand to fully wrap around you. She taps at slit of your head, stringing your precum. A little smirk pulls her mouth. She raises her head to meet your gaze. You watch as her hand meets her lips. She parts them slowly, and pushes her finger past them to suck her finger.

An unintentional groan rumbles in your chest and you furrow your brows with pleasure and desperation. You grab her waist, effortlessly scooping her up onto your body. You hold her against the wall, wrapping her legs around your waist. She holds your face with two hands, pulling you to her lips. She wastes no time in letting her tongue play against yours.

You slide your hands under her ass, squeezing gently. Your hands fit perfectly over each cheek. She moans softly against your lips, pushing her hips over yours. The heat radiating from her dampens your pelvis, all you can think about in this moment is how she’s going to feel.

You spread your fingers from one hand, letting them explore closer to her pussy. You reach the warmth of her panties, and slip one finger under the silky fabric. Your finger glides easily over her opening. Her body suddenly jerks, pressing into yours. She gasps a moan, head falling back. Your cock bounces from her response, hitting her clothed opening.

Your second finger, slipping past her panties, teases her entrance. Her face flushes and she bites at her lip. Slowly, you slide your nimble fingers inside her. She whimpers, and fuck, if it wasn’t the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

She turns her head, burying her face into your neck. It’s not like her to be shy, definitely not with you. But with your fingers inside her, so easily dripping down your hand, there is vulnerability. Her body trembles against you as you slowly move your fingers.

Her breath is hot against your skin, but it gives you goosebumps. You keep your fingers at a slow pace. Her soft walls clench with each pull out, a quiet whimper emitting her lips. You can feel her hips start to grind down on your hand.

Your cock throbs underneath her. Desperately, you want to feel her wet, tightening walls around you. You can’t help but hesitate though, you already risked a lot.

Cautiously, you take your fingers from inside her, giving your cock a few pumps with her self made lube. She raises her head to look at you. Her eyes look desperate. You lock your gaze with hers, guiding your head against her opening.

“Yeosang” Her voice is breathless and uneven “Don’t..”

You stop immediately, moving your cock away from her. She shakes her head violently.

“No” Her arms tighten around your body. Her hips move to find you again. “No. Don’t tease me”

She touches her forehead to yours, grazing her lips over yours before kissing you deeply. A gentle moan travels from your lips to hers. You hold your cock, lining your head with her opening once again. This time, she doesn’t wait for you. She shifts her hips, pushing you into her.

You wince with pleasure, her tightness pulling you in. She breaks her lips away from yours, head hitting back against the wall. You breathe in through sharply through your teeth, trying to calm your entire being.

“Shit” You groan.

Your cock pulses inside her, the euphoric feeling being incomparable to any other thing. You grab the back of her neck, pulling her face back to yours. Slowly, you roll your hips. The dressing room, once silent, is now filled with heavy uneven breathing.

She tightens her legs around your waist, keeping her body as close as possible. Her hips work in unison with yours, clit rubbing against your pelvis. You cup her face with one hand, and run your thumb over her parted lips. They feel dry, but still so soft.

You watch as her face becomes more and more flush, a shimmer of sweat building over her skin. She purses her lips, giving your thumb a gentle kiss and biting it in turn. A short, guttural groan vibrates your chest. She takes this as a sign, knowing her next step.

She nudges your head to the side, leaving your neck open and bare. She buries her face into your skin as she did before; this time you feel the sting of her teeth sinking into you. Your knees buckle beneath you. You slap your hand against the wall to provide support.

Unconsciously your eyes close, matching with an almost whimpering moan. Her lips drop to rest on your skin, you can feel them curling. She’s smiling. Proud of herself, you assume, that she was able to render such a response from you.

She sucks at your neck, guaranteed she’s going to leave her mark. You rest your forehead on her shoulder, the knot in your stomach tightening with each swirl of her tongue. She feels wetter, your cock slipping against her so much easier than when you first pushed into her. She tightens her walls around you, and you gasp a moan. It’s your turn to bury your face into her neck. You breathe her in deeply, another moan falling from your lips when she refuses to release you.

“Don’t” You murmur into her skin “You’ll make me cum already”

Her fingers knot in the back of your hair. Simultaneously she pulls your head back, and nudges your head with hers. Her eyes look heavy as they meet with yours.

“I want you to cum for me” She whispers

You almost stop your movements. You swallow hard, searching for more in her expression.

“You’re sure..”

She tucks your hair behind your ear, running her fingers over the rosy markings by your eye. Carefully she cradles your face, placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“You’ve always been so oblivious” Her breath is hot on your lips “Please, Yeo. Make me cum with you”

She kisses you again, this time deeper. Not eager as you both were in the beginning. There is more emotion in how she feels against you now. Your body grinds against hers, and hers into the wall. You’re sure that any other person in the store can hear the rocking and stumbling of you two.

You couldn’t care any less.

With her lips working with yours, and your arms clinging onto each other tightly; the building could be on fire, and you wouldn’t care.

You feel her reaching her peak before you. Her breathing becomes more rigid, her kisses becoming less fluid. The noises she makes, you’re doing that to her. They’re sexual. Sensual. She moans your name softly.

“Look at me” You murmur back.

She pulls her head back slightly. She looks as though she’s ready to pass out. Her face is flushed, hairs sticking to her skin. Her body begins to tense, squeezing you close to her. Her moans raise in octaves and volume. Your cock thickens inside her, your own groans mixing with hers.

“Yeosang”

She gasps. Her body shakes against you. Her walls convulsing feel amazing, suctioning, pulling you deeper. She whimpers when you thrust into her harder. Your own body seizes, your cock finally releasing inside her. You groan deeply, your thrusts turning quick and hard with each pulse.

She relaxes in your hold. You slowly start to lower her to the ground, your body heavy and vibrating. The sounds of your breathing echoes through the dressing room. That’s all you could hear; your breathing, hers and the pounding of your heart.

She leans into you. You slip your fingers underneath her chin, lifting her face to look at you. Your other hand brushes back her damp hair. She looks over your face, then let’s out an airy laugh. You grin down at her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

Her smile suddenly becomes shy and she slaps you on the chest.

“Hey” You half laugh, placing your hand over where she hit “What was that for..” “You’re stupid”

You scrunch your nose, laughing again. She pushes you back a little to give herself some room.

"Now get out so I can get dressed"

You smirk, looking down to fix your own clothing. You peek out the dressing room door before slipping out. She grabs your wrist quickly before you’re fully out.

“And take me home. Stay with me”

You press your lips together tightly. You nod slightly, feeling your cheeks flush. She smiles wide, letting her fingers graze through yours when she let’s go. You resume your spot outside her dressing room, leaning against the wall, waiting as you have never left that spot.

[generic-wattpad-badboy]

Hi ! I was wondering if you could do a Steve Harrington x male reader where steve gets set up on a blind date by robin whenever you want or have time to ? Thank you!

Robin the Matchmaker

Pairing : Steve Harrington x Male reader

Tags: first date, first kiss, fluff, Friendship

Word count : 1263

So here he was fixing his hair again for the hundred times in the past hour and slowly going insane listening to robin talk about something. 

Steve has been on many dates with many different types of girls, His dates all went the same way he’d take them out somewhere sometimes to see a movie or dinner or he would take them to skull rock and just get down to the fun bit. However, they all had one thing in common they were all girls. However, after some self-reflection and talking with robin he came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t be against dating a guy. So, robin decided she would set him up on a blind date and wouldn't tell him anything. 

“Maybe you should cancel it” Steve interrupted Turing to face her 

Robin rolled her eyes “You’re not canceling and stop freaking out, I promise you’ll like him” 

“What if he turns out to be a serial killer and I get murder then my death will haunt you for the rest of your life because you forced me on a date, what will you tell Dustin?” 

Robin stared at him 

“Are you finished”  

“...yes”  

“Okay, first of all Y/N isn’t a serial killer I'm pretty sure he rescues lost kitten from trees on the weekend, second of all how the hell did we not know you were queer earlier with how dramatic you are and third of all if Y/N did murder you probably deserved it.” Robin Lectured sitting up from lounging on his bed and picking up his jacket and offering it to him. 

Steve accepted the jacket “Where are we meeting again”  

“Lou’s diner” 

“Why so far?” Steve asked whilst making final adjustments to himself 

 “Steve has all that Farrah Spray made you stupid, did you forget where we live?” robin scolded “Lou’s is out the way so not many people go there, and I've met Lou before he’s nice and he doesn’t care who you’re with, now go” 

Robin stands and practically drags Steve out of his room and down the stairs to his own front door and pushes him out of it. 

“Bye have fun” Robin says closing the door 

Steve attempts to stop her from closing the door on him but fails "robin wait-”.  

Steve parks his car and gets out as he approaches, he whispers to himself before opening the diner door "You can do this”. 

The diner is pretty much empty aside from one lone person sitting in a booth facing away from the door he doesn’t turn around as the door chimes. This must be the guy then. Did it just get hotter in here or is it just him? He makes his way over and tries not to throw up. 

“Hey Harrington, you made it” The guy greets him as he slides into the other side of the booth  

Steve finally gets to see him properly and Jesus Christ he’s pretty “Hey, Robin practically pushed me out the door” 

The guy laughs and Steve falls in love with him. He needs to thank robin when he goes home.  

“Yeah, that sounds like her”  

After the laughter dies down an awkward silence falls over the booth, Steve needs to break it, so he asks where Y/N knows robin from. 

“We were in band together before I graduated”  

“When did you graduate?” 

Y/N looks at him with the same look robin gives him when he’s said something stupid, and she can’t believe it. 

“Steve... We graduated at the same time; we were in the same year” Y/N explains  

There is no way in hell, Steve wouldn't remember someone as pretty as Y/N, sure Steve stuck to the popular crowd but surely -actually the more he thinks about it the more he believes it. 

“Oh shit, I really was an asshole in high school, wasn’t I?”  

“Absolutely but you must have changed otherwise Robin never would have befriended you” Y/N answers with a smile 

They are interrupted by tall man in an apron, this must be Lou Steve thinks looking at him 

“What can I get you kids”  

They both look at the menu then Steve answers first “Can I have the burger and fries with a coke” 

Lou turns towards Y/N “And for you”  

“Could I get F/N with a D/N please” 

“Sure, I'll bring them over” Lou says before walking away and leaving them alone again. 

“So, Steve I’m dying to know, who made Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington have a queer awakening?” Y/N said leaning forward slightly across the table 

“Han Solo, Robin forced me to watch all of the Star Wars films with her a couple months ago and I've not been the same since” 

“That checks out” Y/N grinned whilst looking at him. 

Steve hopes he’s not blushing, is this what all his dates feel like because he’s starting to feel bad for them if they do. The Constant butterflies every time he gets Y/N to laugh might kill him. Robin would definitely never let that go. 

“So, tell me more about this new mature Steve who’s not the same asshole from high school, Robin said you have kids?” 

With a smile Steve tells him about Dustin and the rest of them minus some things, they spend the rest of evening trading stories and laughing. Lou comes by during this and drops off their orders before leaving again. Steve swears he winked at him when he told them to enjoy their meal. 

It’s much later in the night when Steve offers to drive him back home and Y/N accepts. They drive in comfortable silence until they reach the road Y/N lives on. 

“You know what Harrington? "Y/N questions looking over at him from the passenger seat 

“what”  

“I had fun today” 

“Me too” Steve replied pulling to a stop outside Y/N's house “we should do this again sometime” 

“I’d like that”  

They both sat in silence waiting, this would normally be where Steve would be charming and swoop in for the kiss, but he couldn’t. Do you kiss a guy the same way as a girl or is it different? What if he messed it up and Y/N hates him.  

Just as Steve begins to spiral, he looks over to see Y/N with his eyebrows drawn together thinking. Steve is just about to ask him if hes okay, when Y/N looks at him and nods to himself. Y/N leans over and presses a light kiss to Steve's lips.  

Steve freezes and his brain goes blank, Y/N's lips are warm and soft, and Steve never wants to feel anything else again, he feels as Y/N starts to pull away and kicks himself, he needs to kiss back so he does, He brings his hand up to Y/N's cheek to keep him close. Y/N parts his lips slightly allowing Steve tongue to slip inside. 

When they finally pull apart it's only because they need to breathe. 

Y/N smiles at him then gets out with a slam of the car door, He ducks slightly and speaks through the rolled down window  “Goodnight, Steve”   

He replies smiling and with a wave “night”  

With one last wave from Y/N walks away from the car and heads inside. 

Steve can’t keep the grin off his face as he drives home or when he finally arrives and walks in spotting Robin longing on his sofa. She looks over at him and can barely contain her excitement. Steve takes the spot next to her and she explodes. 

“Tell me everything, how do you feel?”  

“ gay really fucking gay”  

[tennessoui]

democratic fic part two

(democratic fic masterlist) (5k)

Four days after meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi for the first time, Anakin has an unexpected and incredibly unfortunate break in his schedule. 

“Are you sure about pulling down the committee meeting?” He asks, verging on desperate. His eyes look through the tinny figure of his fellow senator and out through the transparisteel windows of his office. Coruscant moves around him, early morning settling gently into early afternoon. “It was supposed to be four hours.” “Yes,” Senator Amidala says very slowly. “And everything on the agenda can be discussed via written missive. We do not need to physically meet to discuss things that can wait until after the coming assembly—”

“But I think I’ve found a solution!” Anakin interrupts, no longer bordering desperation but rather falling directly into near-begging.

“A solution,” Senator Amidala repeats. “To…galactic slavery in the Outer Rim?”

Anakin’s eyebrows furrow and his lips purse. “Yes.”

“Oh, by all means then,” the tiny comm figure crosses her arms, tilting her head to look disbelievingly at Anakin. “Please, tell me.”

Fierfek.

“Kill…them.”

“Kill them,” Senator Amidala repeats. “Kill the slavers?”

“...yes,” Anakin says and then winces, knowing what’s to come.

Senator Amidala puts her hands on her hips as she tries to stare him down through the poor connection of the holo comm. “Alright,” Padmé decides. “What is going on, Anakin? You haven’t suggested such a policy since your first year on Coruscant when you actually started learning about how politics worked.”

Anakin scowls and looks away, jaw clenching and then unclenching. Most days, he still doesn’t think his younger self was wrong to advocate for the death of all slave owners, but Padmé is right: he knows better now than to say that. That’s how he and Padmé have managed to build and maintain their friendship over the years, even though their policies and values couldn’t look more starkly different on paper: Anakin swallows his words, and Padmé pretends she did not see him move as though to speak.

“Nothing is going on, Senator,” Anakin replies with a mutter, rubbing a hand over his eyes and then down his face. If she is calling him by his first name then it means that the official part of their business has concluded. Reaching up, he unpins his hair and tosses the ceremonial hair-piece to the side. It makes a heavy clunk as it lands on his desk. “I was simply looking forward to that meeting.”

“Banthashit,” Padmé surmises immediately. Anakin scowls. He hates when she— “Ani, ten years ago if someone told you that one of your four hour long meetings was cancelled, you’d be halfway down to the lower levels by now.”

“Maybe I’ve grown up,” Anakin replies and then winces again.

“If only the growing up had happened six months ago,” Padmé’s tone turns sharp. “Perhaps before the holonews were flooded with pictures of you pressing some podracer bunny up against an illegal pod we both know you’ve been flying for decades, hands stars know where—”

Anakin remembers exactly where his hands were, but he thinks probably that information is better kept between him, the stars, the woman he’d slept with that night, and all of the users of the Holonet who had thought to raise the brightness on those photos.

“You almost sound jealous,” Anakin’s mouth moves without his permission, and he can’t stop the wince that follows because karking stars, he shouldn’t have said that.

Padmé laughs, which is almost more offensive than anything else she could have said. “Of your image in the media? No, I wouldn’t say so, actually. Just tell me what is wrong, Anakin. You do not have to pretend to be so alone.”

Anakin feels his eyebrows furrow and a sneer grow at the edge of his mouth. Pretend? Rich, coming from Padmé Amidala, who grew up surrounded by people her age, other girls who adored her, a large family who loved her as well. Anakin did not have to pretend to be alone. He simply is and has been for more of his life than he hasn’t.

But…if Padmé is so insistent on being helpful, then…maybe she could help him solve his sudden and dire problem.

“There’s this boy,” Anakin tells her before he can think better of it.

Any malcontent seems to wash from her face at this confession, and her mouth falls open in surprise. “There’s a boy?” Her eyebrows fly down into a suspicious look. “How young is this boy?”

“Scandalously so,” Anakin admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Anakin—”

“I know, I do,” he cuts her off quickly. “But he is a visiting dignitary, the grandson of a Count who wants to get into politics—”

“Anakin, a boy saying he wants to get into politics does not mean you should take him into your bed—”

“That isn’t what’s happened, Padmé, come on. He just—he requested that I escort him around Coruscant for an afternoon, and I couldn’t say no, his grandfather and the Chancellor were right there, alright, I’m not a monster. But I am uninterested in pursuing the boy—the scandal that being seen alone with him would bring me….”

Padmé’s eyes narrow. “What does this have to do with our committee’s meeting.”

“I told him that I would comm him should I have free time to escort him, Padmé! I am honor-bound to see that vow to its conclusion.”

The tiny figure of his friend raises her eyebrows. “Genuinely, you are not,” she says, but her words do not soothe the part of him that insists he must follow through on his word—the part of him that knows he will be comming Kenobi within minutes of ending his call with Padmé.

“I am,” he insists, resting his hands on the desk in front of him. Perhaps not as gently or as naturally as he would like, he adds, “but if you were to escort me escorting him, there would be no scandal for the holonews to write about.”

Padmé blinks. “I’m sorry?” “Think about it,” Anakin says, tone edging back into desperation. “If you accompany me, he will assume we are together and any interest he may harbor for me outside his ambitions in the Senate will dwindle.” Without Anakin having to say anything one way or another, which is the best scenario Anakin’s thought of yet.

Though to be fair, he does not know if Kenobi has any interest in him in that way. After all, he had also flirted with Palpatine’s secretary. 

But, a tiny, self-satisfied voice points out in the back of his mind, he did not ask her to show him around Coruscant, did he?

He shakes his head quickly to dislodge the thought. What he has to be self-satisifed about, he doesn’t know. Kenobi’s appreciation of him, perhaps the boy’s infatuation with him,  will only cause him problems if he does not act to rid him of it.

“You won’t be in any meetings, will you?” he adds innocently, and when Padmé does not immediately scold him for the cheek, he knows he’s won.

After all, they have been good friends for years now, and she stepped up to guide and mentor him when he first arrived on Coruscant to be Senator of Tatooine. Their names are tied together on the holonews—any scandal that Senator Skywalker invites reflects badly on Senator Amidala.

“Alright,” she relents. “I will join you two.” The edge of her mouth curls up into a smile. “It will be an excellent jaunt down memory lane, won’t it, Ani? I have not had to act as your shield against suitors since we were in our twenties.”

“Yes, well. Who knew you would have to reprise the role?” 

“Certainly not me,” Padmé tells him archly. “After all, from what I’ve seen, you’ve been handling your suitors just fine.”

—--------

Kenobi is, of course, free. His comm message comes through perhaps half a minute after Anakin had sent him an inquiry as to his schedule for the rest of the day, given that Anakin’s own had opened up rather unexpectedly.

Yes, Kenobi types. I will be free at 1700. Perhaps we can meet at the North Entrance of the Senate Sector Gardens? I have always thought they looked beautiful from the outside.

Anakin wrinkles his nose and wonders if he can beg off because of allergies. The Senate Sector Gardens are, in Anakin’s mind, one of the most offensive displays of wealth and greed on Coruscant. They are open most of the calendar year, regardless of the manufactured temperature of the planet. This is because each of the plants grow inside a near invisible force field, one that carefully monitors the temperature and humidity and soil texture of its plant. It’s Coruscanti artifice at its most beautiful.

But, he remembers, a walk through the gardens has a set beginning and end point: a destination where he can separate from Kenobi, duty fulfilled and honor intact.

Of course, Anakin replies. I will meet you there at 1700.

Kenobi does not respond, and Anakin does not think anything of it until he sees him several hours later, waiting quite docilely with his hands behind his back as he appears to study the entry requirements of the gardens.

He must not have responded to Anakin’s comm because he must have thrown his own down and spent the next five hours getting ready.

Stars.

The curse is apt, at least, as upon his approach, he sees that the boy has placed strategic flecks of silver glitter on every one of his freckles, and the boy has many cascading down his shoulders and back, which is bare to Anakin’s eyes. A silver chain rests loosely against the dip of his lower back. There are freckles made into stars here, too, at the base of his spine, Anakin’s eyes tell his brain, as if this is necessary information to know.

Kenobi turns around, as if waiting for him to get closer. His smile is bright, a flash of white teeth framed by deep dimples. The neck of his tunic stretches almost up to his chin, but his shoulders are bare, the edges of his clavicles visible before the dark blue fabric stretches up his neck. 

He has woven silvery chunks of metal into the fall of his hair, and they hit the light each time he moves his head even slightly.

Anakin is quite upset to realize that his memory of the boy does not quite do him justice. His eyes are paler, his hair a crisper strawberry blonde. He’d somehow forgotten the beauty marks on his face, a faint one on his forehead and the other on his cheek. What a great disservice Anakin had done him by forgetting these marks.

“Hello, Senator,” Kenobi says, stepping forward and offering up his hand. Anakin would be a fool  to take it. He would be a fool to scorn him. He takes his hand and brushes a kiss over his knuckles, lips catching on the cool bands of metal that frame his knuckles. Rings, each with intricate patterns and bright jewels set into them. “You look lovely.” Anakin does not, of course, having worn the same dark clothes he wore to the Senate today.

“I think the dark tones suit you,” Kenobi adds, hand coming to rest on the large wine-red collar of Anakin’s outer tunic. “It makes you look powerful.”

“I thought you said I looked lovely,” Anakin replies, taking an unnecessary yet completely rational step closer to the boy. His hand is still extended between them, laying almost on his chest. It looks rather delicate—pale and willowy against the darkness of Anakin’s robes.

Obi-Wan has painted his eyelids a glittering silver, a color just a few shades lighter than his eyes. It’s…enthralling, especially when the boy looks up at him from beneath his pale eyelashes. “Do you not believe that something can be both lovely and powerful at the same time, Senator?” 

Anakin has the unignorable and quite worrying feeling that he is looking at one such thing now. The boy’s hand is still on his chest. There are very good reasons why this cannot continue, and Anakin is quite sure he recalls them all.

“Powerful things are not lovely,” he murmurs. “Not by their nature. But lovely things…” Kenobi cocks his head as Anakin trails off. A piece of his hair falls out of its delicate arrangement and rests against his cheek. Anakin watches his hand reach out and grasp the strand as if he was not in control of his body. He carefully tucks it behind Kenobi’s ear, only just realizing that the boy has draped his ear with a dangling, sparkling silver chain that wraps along the shell, threads through the lobe and hangs down almost to his shoulder. Kenobi shivers at the touch of his finger. The reaction makes Anakin’s mouth dry. “Lovely things are always powerful, one way or another.”

When their eyes meet once more, Kenobi’s seem to have darkened considerably. A faint flush has bloomed across his cheeks. 

“Anakin!” A voice cuts through the charged moment, and Anakin steps back from the boy automatically, as if he’s been caught red-handed. He hasn’t been caught at all.

Obi-Wan’s face shutters at the interruption, though his eyes remain fixed on Anakin’s face, like he expects Anakin to get rid of the intruder and return his attention to Obi-Wan alone.

Unfortunately for him, Anakin had invited this intruder.

“Padmé,” he says, turning from the boy completely to face her. He even holds out his arm for her to loop hers through, thinking that maybe such a gesture is overkill until he catches sight of Kenobi’s sour expression and the way his eyes are focussed with laser-like intensity on where Anakin’s arm is covered by Padmé’s hand. “You look wonderful.” Padmé had dressed in a soft pink outfit, like the sky just as dawn breaks. With a wide golden headband and her hair loosely braided, she did look wonderful.

And yet Anakin couldn’t stop thinking that she paled in comparison to Kenobi.

“Thank you,” Padmé replies gracefully, smiling up at him the same way she did when he was twenty and she twenty-five. It makes her look girlish and soft around the edges, and Anakin can barely stop himself from snorting. He knows her too well to fall for such an act after all these years.

But Obi-Wan Kenobi does not.

“Sorry,” the boy says, not sounding very sorry at all, “who are you?”

Padmé’s smile turns a hair more genuine as she turns to look at Kenobi. “My name is Padmé Amidala, young one. Ani said you were interested in learning more about Coruscanti politics? I am one of the senators of Naboo.”

Kenobi scowls. “I’m twenty-three,” he says, no sign of the temptress angel anywhere in his tone or face. He ignores the last part of Padmé’s question, running his hand over and behind his ear instead—perhaps subconsciously copying Anakin’s touch. 

“When you’re our age, young one, everyone thirty years and below looks young,” Padmé replies, waving her hand through the air with a slight smile.

“Your own failure to age with grace should hardly color the faces of all those younger than you, my lady,” Obi-Wan says rather scathingly. “Such a mindset is indicative of an underdeveloped and immature worldview, one I am surprised to hear come from a senator. I am twenty-three.”

His eyes land once more on Anakin’s arm, and his lips soften from a scowl into something more closely resembling a pout.

For a man who insists on being treated like a fully-fledged adult, he certainly knows how to look rather young and indubitably pathetic.

Anakin sighs inwardly and offers his other arm to Obi-Wan. The boy’s face lightens considerably as he accepts it, and Anakin feels suddenly infused with a strange sense of warmth, almost like he can feel the boy’s pleasure wrapping around his mind.

Maybe he can—after all, the boy was trained in the Force, up to a certain point at least. That sort of control and power isn’t so quickly forgotten, despite how many years it’s been since he received a proper education. After all, Anakin had had several lessons in the Force when he was a teenager, once it was clear that even though he was too old to be trained as a Jedi, his connection with the Force was not fading and in fact only growing more feral and out of control.

Instead of simply locking their arms together as Padmé had, the boy curls his hand to rest on top of the length of his arm, bare fingers touching his bare wrist.

The scamp, Anakin cannot help but think. He keeps his face resolutely straight forward as he leads them both into the gardens, ignoring whatever look Padmé is shooting him. 

What was he supposed to do? The little harlot was pouting up at him like he’d broken his heart and left him for dead simply because he’d given Padmé attentions he hadn’t given Kenobi. And Anakin isn’t a monster.

“Shall we?” He says, not giving Padmé time to speak or Obi-Wan time to protest.

“I hadn’t realized you would invite another,” Obi-Wan says finally, after several minutes of tense silence.

Anakin makes sure to shrug artlessly, carelessly. “I remembered you told the Chancellor that you were interested in immersing yourself in Coruscanti politics over this next season. He advised me to bring along another Senator so that you could begin to make connections.”

Obi-Wan falters for half a moment, head snapping to look at Anakin’s face. “He did?” he asks, sounding rather strange. Perhaps slightly disconcerted that the Chancellor had opinions and advice on his life.

Palpatine hadn’t said anything to that effect of course. All he’d said about the Count’s grandson after they’d left the office had been a short and rather mysterious: “Be careful with that one, my dear boy.”

Anakin hadn’t liked the idea—or rather, the reality—that even the Chancellor of the Force-damned Republic not only knew of Anakin’s…appetites, but also felt the need to warn him away from scandal.

“What did he say?” Kenobi insists, hand tightening on his wrist, like he’s considering jerking Anakin to a stand-stil. 

“Nothing of note,” Anakin reassures him. “Only that it may do me well to help you find your way.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes narrow, as if silently calling the words banthashit in his mind. He’d be right, of course, but he doesn’t need to know that.

A moment later, his face smooths out, as if a change has overcome him. His eyes brighten and widen, and his grip softens significantly. “And would you, Senator?”

“Uh,” Anakin says, distracted by the appearance of a moue between the boy’s eyebrows. “Would I what?”

“Guide me,” Obi-Wan replies, finally pulling Anakin to a stop in the middle of the garden path. “You are in need of an aide, I checked the Senate accountant files myself. I know it wouldn’t pay much,” his nose wrinkles at the thought, and a part of Anakin has to stop himself from snorting. Most honest jobs would pay less than being a Count’s grandson. “But I would be such a hard worker. Diligent and passionate.”

“Uh,” Anakin says, unsure if the emphasis he’s hearing on certain words really exists or if his dirty mind is tricking him into all the ways Obi-Wan Kenobi could be a hard, diligent, passionate worker. 

“Do you have a resumé of past work experience?” Padmé asks with interest from Anakin’s other side. He almost startles, having forgotten she was there at all, despite her holding his arm. 

Obi-Wan’s face scowls as he remembers her presence as well. “I may,” he says shortly.

“I would be interested in taking a look,” Padmé says with all the grace of a queen. “At least I could perhaps offer some insight. At best, I myself am looking for another aide—”

“I thought all of your staff had to bear a resemblance to you in order to work in your office,” Obi-Wan lifts his nose in the air and turns away from both Anakin and Padmé. “I should sooner die than bear that burden.”

Anakin chokes slightly on thin air and then on the ghost of a chuckle when he realizes what Obi-Wan’s just said. Padmé lets out a vaguely offended noise, and Anakin pats her on the arm. “There, there,” he says in an undertone as he watches Obi-Wan stalk further up the path from them. The loose chain against his lower back swings with each step, and Anakin finds himself halfway to entranced just watching it move.

“He is incredibly….” Padmé trails off with a shake of her head.

“Beautiful, I know it,” Anakin agrees, running his eyes up to linger on the boy’s rather muscular back.

“I was going to say spoiled,” Padmé replies with an arch of her eyebrow. “Conceited, in fact. Catty, not to mention outright rude.”

“There, there,” Anakin repeats, patting her arm once more. “You know you’re beautiful as well. The opinions of a twenty-three year old hardly matter.”

Padmé arches one fine eyebrow, but before she can say in return, Obi-Wan is calling Anakin’s name from further onward.

Anakin goes, only realizing he has let go of Padmé when he arrives by Obi-Wan’s side unencumbered. “Yes?”

“Look,” Obi-Wan murmurs, eyes fixed on a fully-bloomed light blue rose, growing out of harsh, dry desert soil. “They say it is from Jakku.”

Anakin hums, looking between Obi-Wan and the rose. “Do you have—some sort of connection with Jakku?” “I’ve never visited a desert planet,” Obi-Wan tells him lightly, fingers hovering over the forcefield protecting the plant. “Tatooine is one though, yes?”

Anakin grunts his agreement.

“Do you believe something as beautiful as this could grow on Tatooine?”

“This isn’t even growing on Jakku,” Anakin points out rather dismissively. “Beautiful, fragile things do not last long on desert worlds.”

Obi-Wan does not reply for long moments, studying the rose. “Stewjon is a desert world,” he finally murmurs, allowing his hand to drop once more to its side. “I was shocked when I found out…I have no memories of the planet. The Jedi took me when I was quite young, you see. Just a babe. But when Dooku found me, he took me there.”

“I thought you said—”

“I requested that we leave before the ship even broke atmo,” Obi-Wan admits quietly. “I knew just from circling the planet that it was not my home. It could never be my home.” He looks once more at the rose before turning to study Anakin, expression unreadable. A moment later, his face breaks into a small smile. “I’m far too pale and fair for a desert planet, I would burn to a crisp within a week.”

“When I’ve visited Tatooine, I’ve worn light protective cloth and escaped without a single burn,” Padmé remarks, having silently come to stand beside Anakin’s side. “You do not have to renounce your home just because you feel as if you are ill-suited for it.”

Whatever vulnerable light that had been shining in Obi-Wan’s eyes shutter once more at the interruption. “I like to think that the planet is ill-suited for me, Senator, not the other way around.”

“Does Serenno suit you more?” Anakin asks curiously, allowing Obi-Wan to take his arm once more. 

Obi-Wan grins, a small, artificial thing. “Does it look as if it suits me, Senator?”

Anakin swallows rather uncomfortably. It does, of course. Obi-Wan Kenobi looks resplendent and wonderful and angelic and lovely. He knows better than to say this.

As a group, they move further into the gardens. After perhaps an hour, Obi-Wan stops frowning whenever Padmé speaks, settling into a chilly sort of acceptance rather than throwing out outright insults.

Over a particularly rough patch of cobblestoned path, Padmé trips, and Anakin moves to catch her automatically.

Whatever progress Obi-Wan and Padmé have made withers and dies the moment Obi-Wan turns from examining a hanging vine to see Anakin’s eyes wrapped securely around her waist, her hands braced on his chest.

Thirty minutes of what Anakin can only describe as bitching later, Padmé decides to take her leave. They’ve barely started through the section of the gardens dedicated to the Mid-Rim planets, but Padmé will not be convinced to stay.

“Ani, if he says one rude thing about Naboo’s greenery, we may come to blows,” she tells him in an undertone as Obi-Wan moves ahead of them, carefully examining each plaque beneath each plant—looking, no doubt, for the ones from Naboo, for no other reason than to release barbed and vitriolic comments.

“Padmé, come on, you know the risk of scandal should I—”

“It occurred to me several hours ago that you never said that you did not want to sleep with him,” Padmé interrupts, eyebrow raised. “Just that you were uninterested in pursuing him because of the scandal.”

Anakin flushes. “I am uninterested in sleeping with him.”

Now, both of Padmé’s eyebrows raise. “You would lie to me so blatantly after I just spent the last two hours putting my life on the line as a favor for you?”

“You’ve hardly put your life on the line—”

“Either tell him you will not fuck him or fuck him somewhere private. Where no holo cameras can find you,” Padmé says in a very no-nonsense tone.

“Pads—”

“And then after, refer him to my office,” she adds, looking down the path at the boy. “He’s quite—lethal. If you do not want him as your aide, I’ll take him as mine.”

Anakin blinks. “What?” he says. “He hates you.”

“Then be a dear and fuck it out of him,” Padmé replies archly. “He could be useful if all that hate was directed a different way.”

“I don’t want to fuck him,” Anakin protests far too loudly. His eyes dart to Obi-Wan, but the boy seems distracted by a venus fly-trap from Dereak.

Padmé looks pitying and unamused. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Ani. Please don’t tell me the details.”

Anakin scowls and opens his mouth to argue once more. Before he can, she turns and leaves in a tidal wave of soft pink. 

He hates it when she does that.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says when Anakin comes to stand next to him. “Did your friend leave?” The brat.

Anakin purses his lips. “She had somewhere to be,” he lies.

“How unfortunate,” Obi-Wan lies in return, and Anakin’s lips twitch up into a slight smile before he schools his expression.

“We should hurry through the rest,” he says, “as it is almost dark.”

“Yes, of course,” Obi-Wan says, entirely docile once more like a loth-kitten allowing its fur to be smoothed flat now that the danger has left.

Anakin shakes his head. If the boy is serious about getting into politics, the first thing he should learn is how to be a better actor—or at least, how to better control his emotions.

“I was thinking,” Obi-Wan tells him thirty minutes later, twilight now fully taking over the Coruscanti upper levels. “This was quite fun and very educational.”

“Yes,” Anakin agrees, only slightly reluctantly, but he cannot pretend that he did not have fun. Obi-Wan’s company has been surprisingly pleasant, the boy surprisingly endearing. 

“Thank you for acting as my escort,” Obi-Wan adds, gently touching the back of Anakin’s hand.

“You’re welcome,” he replies rather roughly. The twilight throws fascinating shadows over the lines of Obi-Wan’s face. He shines in the pale light, like something truly ethereal.

“But this is not really Coruscant,” Obi-Wan says, blinking up at Anakin’s face. “It is too…artificial. It reminds me of the Jedi Temple gardens: carefully tended to and carefully curated. Incredibly fake.”

Anakin had thought the same thing when Obi-Wan first suggested the location. “I feel the same way,” he says, feeling as if he is walking into a trap.

“I would like to see the Lower Levels,” the boy says. It sounds like a demand, and it must to the boy as well, because he adds a nice little please at the end.

It doesn’t do much to soften the blow of the words. “The Lower Levels?”

Obi-Wan nods, looking quite serious. “We could get something to eat down there, you could show me what Coruscant is truly like! Please, Senator, this is the only home I have—I want to see it all now that I have returned!” “You can’t go down to the Lower Levels dressed like that,” Anakin shakes his head and rubs his free hand over his mouth as he looks at the boy. “Stars, you’d be torn to shreds.”

“You’d protect me,” Obi-Wan says confidently. Too confidently. Anakin resents the assumption the boy has made, similar to the one Padmé had made: that he wants this boy. That he will go out of his way for him.

“No,” he says, shaking Kenobi’s hands off him. “I will not, young one. The Senate meets for assembly tomorrow, and—”

“Please,” Obi-Wan interrupts, voice shaking. “I would like to see them, and you make me feel safe, Senator—” “And I said no, Kenobi,” Anakin snaps, and Obi-Wan recoils as if he has been slapped.

The rejection hangs in the air between them for several still moments before Obi-Wan throws back his shoulders and tosses his hair back. “Fine,” the boy sniffs, somehow looking cooly down his nose at him, despite their height difference.

He spins on his foot and stalks away from him. 

“Where are you going?” Anakin snaps, moving forward to keep up with the boy without consciously deciding to follow him. “It is late and dark—I must ensure you get back to your apartments—”

“I’m going down to the lower levels,” Obi-Wan declares, halting in his path to glare at Anakin. The garden lights have flickered on as the night fully descends. The golden lights of the floating orb fixtures dance across Obi-Wan’s face and make his eyes glow slightly as well. “Without you if I must.”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin starts, but Obi-Wan turns his cheek away from him.

“Must I?” he demands, blue-gold eyes finding Anakin’s and fixing him in place. “Must I go alone, Senator?”

[theomnilegent]

2023 Upcoming Sapphic Fiction I’m Excited For! 🏳️‍🌈

Here is my list of nine sapphic women-led fiction to look forward to in the coming year! Romance and redheads seem to be as popular as ever, and to my delight we have the debut novel from Lesbian Jesus herself, Hayley Kiyoko!

Below you’ll find titles, summaries, and Goodreads links for the above books. Every year, the number of stories with bisexual women and lesbian main characters grows, and I’m so delighted each and every time. This list is only a starting point - explore Goodreads and StoryGraph further and you’ll find so many more!

Just As You Are by Camille Kellogg Liz Baker and her three roommates work at The Nether Fields, a queer magazine in New York that’s on the verge of shutting down—until it’s bought at the last minute by two wealthy lesbians. Even though Liz is eager to leave listicles behind for more meaningful writing, she knows that she’s lucky to still have a paycheck. But it’s hard to feel grateful with minority investor Daria Fitzgerald slashing budgets, cancelling bagel Fridays, and password protecting the color printer to prevent “frivolous use.” When Liz overhears Daria scoffing at her articles, she knows that it’s only a matter of her time before her impulsive mouth tells Daria off and gets herself fired. But as Liz and Daria get thrown together more and more, Liz starts to see a softer side to Daria—she’s funny, surprisingly helpful, and actually seems to like that Liz’s gender presentation varies between butch and femme. Even as the evidence that Liz can’t trust Daria piles up, it starts getting harder and harder to keep hating Daria—and harder and harder to resist her.

You Don’t Have A Shot by Racquel Marie Valentina “Vale” Castillo-Green’s life revolves around soccer. Her friends, her future, and her father’s intense expectations are all wrapped up in the beautiful game. But after she incites a fight during playoffs with her long-time rival, Leticia Ortiz, everything she’s been working toward seems to disappear. Embarrassed and desperate to be anywhere but home, Vale escapes to her beloved childhood soccer camp for a summer of relaxation and redemption…only to find out that she and the endlessly aggravating Leticia will be co-captaining a team that could play in front of college scouts. But the competition might be stiffer than expected, so unless they can get their rookie team’s act together, this second chance—and any hope of playing college soccer—will slip through Vale’s fingers. When the growing pressure, friendship friction, and her overbearing father push Vale to turn to Leticia for help, what starts off as a shaky alliance of necessity begins to blossom into something more through a shared love of soccer...and maybe each other.

Margo Zimmerman Gets The Girl by Sara Waxelbaum and Brianna R. Shrum Margo Zimmerman is gay, but she didn’t know until now. An overachiever at heart, Margo is determined to ace her newly discovered gayness. All she needs is the right tutor. Abbie Sokoloff has her own gayness down to a science. But a flunking grade in US History is threatening her acceptance to her dream school. All she needs is the right tutor. Margo agrees to help Abbie get her history grade up in exchange for “Queer 101” lessons. But as they spend more and more time together, Margo realizes she doesn’t want just any girl—she wants the girl.

Something Like Possible by Miel Moreland On the worst day of her life, Madison is dumped by her girlfriend, then fired as said (ex)girlfriend’s campaign manager... plus she accidentally rear-ends the student government advisor—the one person whose good word might help her win a spot at a prestigious youth politics summer camp. But Madison is nothing if not a girl with a plan, and she isn’t going to let a little thing like heartbreak (or a slightly dented bumper) get in her way. Soon, she has a new junior class president candidate to back—although the two of them might be getting a little too close on the campaign trail. Between navigating her growing crush and corralling a less than enthusiastic election team, Madison has had it with unexpected changes to her carefully laid plans. But when she and a group of queer classmates discover a pattern of harassment within the student government, Madison's forced to shift gears once again.

The Fiancee Farce by Alexandria Bellefleur Tansy Adams’ greatest love is her family’s bookstore, passed down from her late father. But when it comes to actual romance… Tansy can’t get past the first chapter. Tired of her stepfamily’s questions about her love life, Tansy invents Gemma, a fake girlfriend inspired by the stunning cover model on a bestselling book. They’ll never actually meet, so what’s the harm in a little fib? Yet when real-life Gemma crosses Tansy’s path, her white lie nearly implodes. Gemma van Dalen is a wild child, the outcast of her wealthy family, and now the latest heir to Van Dalen Publishing. But the title comes with one tiny condition: she must be married in order to inherit. When Gemma discovers a beautiful stranger has been pretending to date her for months, she decides to take the charade one step further—and announces their engagement. Gemma needs a wife to meet the terms of her grandfather’s will and Tansy needs money to save her struggling bookstore. A marriage could be mutually beneficial, if they can fool everyone into thinking it’s a love match. Unexpected sparks fly as Tansy and Gemma play the role of affectionate fiancées, and suddenly the line between convenient arrangement and real feelings begins to blur. But the scheming Van Dalen family won’t give up the company without a fight, and Gemma and Tansy’s newfound happiness might get caught in the fallout…

Six Times We Almost Kissed by Tess Sharpe Penny and Tate have always clashed. Unfortunately, their mothers are lifelong best friends, so the girls’ bickering has carried them through playdates, tragedy, and more than one rom-com marathon with the Moms. When Penny’s mother decides to become a living donor to Tate’s mom, ending her wait for a liver transplant, things go from clashing to cataclysmic. Because in order to help their families recover physically, emotionally, and financially, the Moms combine their households the summer before senior year. So Penny and Tate make a pact: They’ll play nice. Be the drama-free daughters their mothers need through this scary and hopeful time. There’s only one little hitch in their plan: Penny and Tate keep almost kissing. It’s just this confusing thing that keeps happening. You know, from time to time. For basically their entire teenaged existence. They’ve never talked about it. They’ve always ignored it in the aftermath. But now they’re living across the hall from each other. And some things—like their kisses—can’t be almosts forever.

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli Imogen Scott may be hopelessly heterosexual, but she’s got the World’s Greatest Ally title locked down. She's never missed a Pride Alliance meeting. She knows more about queer media discourse than her very queer little sister. She even has two queer best friends. There's Gretchen, a fellow high school senior, who helps keep Imogen's biases in check. And then there's Lili—newly out and newly thriving with a cool new squad of queer college friends. Imogen's thrilled for Lili. Any ally would be. And now that she's finally visiting Lili on campus, she's bringing her ally A game. Any support Lili needs, Imogen's all in. Even if that means bending the truth, just a little. Like when Lili drops a tiny queer bombshell: she's told all her college friends that Imogen and Lili used to date. And none of them know that Imogen is a raging hetero—not even Lili’s best friend, Tessa. Of course, the more time Imogen spends with chaotic, freckle-faced Tessa, the more she starts to wonder if her truth was ever all that straight to begin with...

Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko It’s summertime and 17-year-old Coley has found herself alone, again. Forced to move to rural Oregon after just losing her mother, she is in no position to risk her already fragile heart. But when she meets Sonya, the attraction is immediate. Coley worries she isn't worthy of love. Up until now, everyone she's loved has left her. And Sonya's never been with a girl before. What if she's too afraid to show up for Coley? What if by opening her heart, Coley's risking it all? They both realize that when things are pushed down, and feelings are forced to shrivel away, Coley and Sonya will be the ones to shrink.

If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come by Jen St. Jude Avery Byrne has secrets. She's queer; she's in love with her best friend, Cass; and she's suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression. But on the morning Avery plans to jump into the river near her college campus, the world discovers there are only nine days left to live: an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it. Trying to spare her family and Cass additional pain, Avery does her best to make it through just nine more days. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery would do anything to save the ones she loves. But most importantly, she learns to save herself. Speak her truth. Seek the support she needs. Find hope again in the tomorrows she has left.

[mrs-barnes-rogers-writes]

A Second Chance Is A Better Chance Drabble - The start of an unusual friendship

Pairing: Alpha Steve Rogers x Omega Witch Reader, eventual ? x Omega Witch Reader and Alpha Steve Rogers X Omega Witch Reader

Summary: Rejected by your true mate at 21, you’ve given up on the Fates and the Moon Goddesses giving you a second chance. Being a Roamer for the last 9 years, you’re an Omega hardened by the world. You’re safe on your own because of your witchcraft, but it doesn’t stop Alphas and plenty of others sniffing around, especially when you’re an unmated Omega witch, who’s wolf also happens to be white, the rarest kind. You don’t need anyone, but why do you keep coming back to Brookville and why do you keep walking into trouble and helping people that you don’t know but for some strange reason feel like family. And where is that smell of apple pie coming from?

Series Warnings: A/B/O, eventual smut, violence in parts, witchcraft, shapeshifters

Drabble Summary: A further look at the start of Y/N friendship with Frank and Billy. We also meet Violet the very wise empath. 

This drabble fits between Part 6 and Part 7. It’s also dedicated to @animegirlgeeky. This is probably way to long for a drabble!

Frank watched as you repaired the damage to the last of the containers. He couldn’t help but be a little in awe of you as he’d watched you work. You’d given out bandages, oils and ready mixed healing potions to Billy and the others giving first aid, and the supply pulled from your bag seemed to be endless. You’d then started on the containers. Lifting one and placing it back in its right spot with one hand, whilst safely holding the others to stop them from moving with the other hand. Another female alpha, who Frank had introduced as Elektra, stood on the other end of the containers as a spotter, making sure nobody wandered into the way as you moved them. She seemed nice. A little scary but nice. She walked towards you as you’d righted the last one. “Nice work rarity” she complimented, squeezing your shoulder as she passed. She walked towards a male alpha who embraced her tightly. You spotted he was blind as he ran his hands over his mate to check on her. Your attention was pulled away as you noticed the other female alpha, who’d introduced herself as Jess, check over her mate. You sighed and looked down at your hands as they started to tremble. It’d be nice to have someone fuss over you but that opportunity had been taken away when you’d been rejected. The trembling in your hands worked its way up your arms. You’d not eaten properly over the last few weeks, but when did you ever as a roamer? You hadn’t slept much either, meaning you’d exhausted yourself. What you’d done wasn’t a big strain on your powers. It was a simple enough task. You’d shaken a house when you were seven. Moving a few containers wasn’t a big deal. But it was a strain on you, on your omega side and using your powers burnt calories and you’d had a can of Red Bull and two Twizzlers for breakfast. You heard Frank’s name being called by Elektra’s mate, as they spoke in hushed voices. “She’s exhausted herself. She needs food and a safe place to rest. She’s sleeping in her car.” Frank’s head snapped up to look at the alpha. “Are you sure?” “Either that or she’s washing her clothes in car air freshener.” You heard every word of their conversation thanks to your wolf side, along with Frank’s footsteps as he turned towards you. You put out your hand to summon your broom. You didn’t want their pity or the sad looks they’d give you when you shared your tragic back story that came with every roamer. Something they’d surely ask about if you were to stay with them. You were on your broom and in the air before Frank had even finished shouting wait. The pack watching as you flew away. You didn’t even looked back. As tempted as you were to head straight to your car or to the local bed and breakfast to check if they’d had any cancellations, you knew you needed food. If you didn’t eat within the hour you’d probably pass out. You lowered yourself towards the ground stopping in front of the 1950′s style diner. It was busy inside and out, with most tables full. You spotted a couple of seats at the counter and decided to take a chance and see if they could slot you in. You pulled a recovery potion from your bag that would buy you an hour or two. You felt eyes on you as you made your way up the steps and a quick glance around confirmed your suspicions. You noticed a couple of workers from the docks still dirty from the days events, a couple wearing your bandages, as they sat with their families at the outside tables. You noticed some of them point you out to the families and you looked away quickly. Catching sight of yourself in the glass door you spotted that the dock workers weren’t the only ones dirty. You were grimy from the docks and your hair had become curly and windswept from the sea breeze. You brushed yourself down and headed inside the diner, the door chime signalling your arrival. The loud chatter seemed to stop quickly as you entered. All eyes were on you. Again. You started to back out but were stopped by a soft voice calling out to you. “Miss? Table for 1?” You looked up as a waitress approached you. You guessed she was in her early sixties. Her white hair, due to age not wolf presentation, was set neatly and her eyes were soft and kind. “I’m Violet sweetie, can I get you somewhere to sit?” she asked. You looked around noticing the attention still on you. “Ermmm, if that’s ok? If I’m welcome?” People going silent when you entered wasn’t usual a good sign and you didn’t have the energy to fight. Before Violet had chance to answer a deep alpha voice came from behind the counter. “Are you that witch from the docks today?” the alpha asked. He seemed to be a similar age to the waitress and was dressed in a similar uniform. You weren’t really sure where this conversation was going and you didn’t have the strength to sass, so you decided to answer politely without the sassy quips back. “Yes sir.” you replied. “Then yes you’re welcome here. Sit anywhere you want, order anything you want, it’s on us.” You sighed with relief as Violet looped her arm in yours and led you towards a seat. You were stopped abruptly by a little girl in a pretty pink dress running towards you and throwing herself at your legs, wrapping her arms you. You would have stumbled if it weren’t for the waitress’s grip on your arm. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” “Oh hello, little one,” you replied softly as you loosened her grip on you and knelt down “what are you thanking me for?” “For saving my daddy!” she took your face in her little hands and kissed you sloppily on the cheek, before wrapping her hands around your neck tightly. You felt a lump form in your throat and tears form in your eyes as you hugged her back. You couldn’t even say when you’d last been hugged, especially by a pup.  Her parents made their way towards you, rushing out apologies. Her father explaining that once he’d mentioned a witch had helped today, the little girl had squealed with delight, asking if she could meet you. Ten minutes later you’d walked into the diner. They apologised again as they pulled her away, much to her protest. Violet helped you to a seat at the counter. You noticed she seated you so you could see the exits and most the people in the restaurant. You looked at her as she passed you a menu. She placed her finger tips across your wrist and squeezed as she looked at you knowingly. It was then you realised. Violet was an Empath. She knew you needed help when you walked in. Her looping arms with you not just a friendly gesture, it was to keep you upright. She could pick up on how weak you were. “Cherry coke, a strawberry shake and a glass of iced water?” Violet asked. She didn’t need to of course, you both knew the answer. “Please.” you replied with a weary smile. She smiled softly in return and you were left to your thoughts...............for all of a few seconds when a little hand pulled at your sleeve. You looked down as a little boy with bright red hair and blue eyes practically threw a drawing at you and ran away. It was a stick figure witch, wearing a cape, a black cat at her side, holding shipping containers over her head, with a squiggly ‘thank you’ over the top. You smiled and looked over to the table he had ran to and mouthed thank you to him and his family. The mother and father both  sporting a few cuts and grazes nodded their heads at you. You’re attention was brought back to Violet as she placed your drinks in front of you from the other side of the counter. “So, you see anything you’d like?” She asked. You looked at her puzzled and her reply was to tap on the menu she’d put in front of you. “Oh ermmmm” Violet ran her fingers over your wrist again as she read you. “How about.......hmmmmm, fried chicken, a side of fries, maybe some mash potatoes, green beans and some corn, oh no, not corn, a side of coleslaw.” Damn. She was good. “Please” you simply replied. You could barely string a sentence together. If it wasn’t for the potion you’d knocked back like a shot of tequila, you’d have been asleep. You watched as she glanced around the restaurant and leaned in closer to you. “You, little miss, need to take better care of yourself. It’s all well and good stepping up to help but you need to be able to take care of yourself afterwards. Especially if you’re on your own.” You nodded and looked down at where she ran her fingers over your wrist. Affection. It had been a while since you’d had any. She smiled softly again as your eyes met. “I’ll just put your order in and then why don’t we talk a little?” You nodded and she slipped away. You watched her headed towards the kitchen. Clearing tables as she went. She returned quickly and perched on the stool to the left of you. “So how long have you been roaming sweetie?” she asked, her eyes widening at your response of 8 years. Female roamers, weren’t overly common, mostly because of how unsafe it was. Female roamers were usually alphas and if they were omegas there’d be a couple travelling together. Safety in numbers and all that. If they were alone it was because their safety came in other forms. For you it was being a white wolf and witch combined. For another omega roamer you’d met, it came from the fact she was raised in a military family and could load a gun quicker than a sneeze. “Must get lonely.” Violet had continued. “It’s not too bad” you responded “I’m used to it now, I check in with my old pack once a month, made a few friends in the shelters and I’ve just been asked to part of the Roamer Panel so I’ve met a few people from that.” “I heard about that in the news, they’re looking at giving you more protection right?” You nodded as you sipped the water and spotted Violet had lined them up in the order you’d drink them. You smiled knowingly at her. “Not everyone knows” she told you. She didn’t need to explain you knew exactly what she was referring to. “Obviously those that have been here a while do, some just think I’m a really good waitress.” You both laughed. “Years of those Hydra scumbags using our kind and yours made people suspicious of us.” You nodded in agreement. The shout of orders being ready pulled her away from you. Your mind wandered over the last eight years. Violet was right it had been lonely but with Hydra mostly gone, along with the Roamer Act being brought in and boarder controls easing it was getting easier. People were less suspicious, although not 100% welcoming and alphas like Frank Castle, well they apparently still thought roaming witches only did favours for cash and that still stung a little. Violet returned with your food and an instruction to eat it all. The mountain of food and sides was the most food you’d seen in years. In fact the last time you’d ate this well was probably two Halloweens ago when a rich family had paid you what could only be described as an obscene amount of money to be their token witch and rarity. You’d felt almost dirty when they’d asked you but at the time you’re car was about to fall to pieces, the heating in it didn’t work, you were headed to winter and your suppressants were about to run out. You’d told yourself it wasn’t the same as doing favours. This was a job with a contract, accommodation and an NDA to sign, it was fine, although you didn’t go back when they asked you to return the following year. Violet returned to you in between waiting tables and giving instructions to the other waitresses, checking that you were eating and discussing the government changes and how the fall of Hydra meant that roamers could move around more. She asked where you were staying and when you responded “nowhere” she frowned at you, squeezed your wrist against and walked away, returning quickly with a slice of apple pie and a banana split sundae. You were sure you were full but you’re sweet tooth got the better of you and you soon had your spoon in hand. You tucked in and felt yourself growing tired as you yawned between mouthfuls. It wasn’t long until you really struggled to keep your eyes open. You decided to call the bed and breakfast and see if they had any vacancies, pulling out your phone as you glanced around the diner. It was less busy and a lot of the families had left. When the bed and breakfast answered you were told again that they were full. You rested your elbow on the counter and leaned your head onto your hand as you thought about your options. You could head out of town and look for somewhere to stay but you felt so full and tired you thought you might fall asleep as you drove. You’d never forgive yourself if you caused an accident. It would have to be the back of the car again. You’d spotted a couple of safe spots to park and although you were weak, a low level protection spell would keep the weirdos out. Yeah, you thought to yourself, that’s what you’d do................in a minute or two..........when your food had settled...... “Omega, omega” a deep voice spoke near you. “Careful Frank, she’s strong. If you startle her you’ll be through that window before you’ve blinked.” “I know Violet, I saw her move shipping containers today I don’t doubt how strong she is.” “Sweetie, wake up. Frank here has a room you can use for the night.” You wondered who they were talking to and why it was dark. Wait, is it dark. No, my eyes are closed. Why? Why are they closed. Oh food coma. Wait what? You heard faint movement and a hand against your pulse point as another softly brushed your hair off your face. You realised it was Violet and she softly spoke your name. “Y/N” Why was she stroking your hair and waking you up. Shit. You’d fell asleep. You sat up quickly and you felt a few of those around you jump. Violet never faulted and looked at softly as she cupped your cheek. “Hey sleepy head, Alpha Frank has a bed you can use for night?” “What? Sorry, I mean pardon?” you asked, as you looked at her through blurry eyes. She nodded over your shoulder. “Frank, he has a room you can use.” You spun round on the stool to see Frank standing close to you. The beta, Billy, further back, learning against a table his arms crossed. The rest of the diner empty. “What do you say princess?” the beta said, “want to come stay with me and Frankie?” Frank huffed at the pet name, knowing Billy had only done it to piss him off. As he looked back at you your eyes were wide. “Oh erm, no, no thank you. I’ll be fine.” you replied quickly, “I’m so sorry for falling asleep Violet.” “Oh don’t worry honey.” You went to pull out some money and Violet shook her head at you. You tried to give her a tip and she squeezed your wrist and shook her head again. The alpha behind the counter, who you now knew was Violet’s mate, also shook his head and told you it was on the house. The locals had left enough cash to cover your meals for a week. He also made a point of telling you you’d be safe with Frank and Billy. “Honestly, I’m fine, I’ll find somewhere.” Violet, who could apparently already read you like a damn book, gave you a stern look. “Sweetie, you still need rest.” “Honestly, I’m fine, sorry, I’ll ermmm, I’ll go. Thanks for the offer Alpha Frank but I’m good.” You went to stand and quickly found that your legs disagreed. You weren’t good.  Violet the ever knowing empath was right. You were headed for the floor but before you had chance to use your powers to right yourself, you were caught and pulled into a firm and warm chest. “So you’re good? Because those legs of yours don’t seem to agree.” You looked up at Frank, your face full of indecision and worry. He released one of his arms from around your waist and cupped your face. “I promise you’ll be safe with me. I’m not the kind of man that picks up random omegas. I came looking for you in the library that day as I thought you were my second chance. I’m a widower. My mate was killed by Hydra rogues.” he paused as he pulled his shirt at the collar so you could see his faded bonding mark. “I won’t lay a finger on you. Billy, I’ll warn you, he has a wandering eye and his hands are the same but he won’t touch you with out my permission.” A huff from Billy pulled your attention to him as you peered around Frank. You smiled at him as you watched him pout. You’d never seen such a big beta pout before. “Stop pouting Billy, and don’t tell me your not because I know you are.” You laughed softly into Frank’s chest, stopping as you felt his breath against your ear. “You’ll be safe with us. You have my word.” You leaned back a little from Frank’s embrace and looked him in the eyes as you mustered some powers to read him. It was a big deal to make a promise, give your word to a witch. Frank knew you would want to read him, what you were doing and looked straight back at you, nodding his head to grant you permission. The response was immediate. You could trust him. He was telling the truth. You nodded at Frank. “I’m not sure my legs will carry me though.” “That’s okay little witch, I’ve got you.” He pushed your hands up so they were around his neck and lifted you bridal style, as you struggled to keep in a chirp. The exhausted omega in you enjoying being manhandled by a prime alpha. Violet passed Billy your jacket and bag before he followed closely behind you both. And that night was the start of your unusually close friendship with Alpha Frank Castle and Beta Billy Russo.

[channiechwn]

reverse icks that skz would do <3

◡̈ warnings: math.

◡̈ genre: fluff

— bang chan!

he moves you away from the street curb

when walking on a busy street, he’s quick to wrap his long arms around your frame and pull you closer to the side walk

he would also swap positions with you if you were the one closer to the road

so now when standing side by side, he would be the one closer to the road, his body shielding you from the dangerous moving vehicles

— minho!

he forces you to look at him by grabbing your chin

you were busy doing some homework while listening to music through your headphones in your room

you invited minho over, thinking he had homework to do as well but turns out, he finished them all before coming over

so now he was on your bed, beside the desk you were working at and he has been there ever since he came over 1 hour ago so he was bored watching you do your homework

“hey y/n! why bother inviting me when all you’re gonna do is homework!”

unfortunately, your noise cancelling headphones prevented you from hearing his whine and this made minho frustrated

annoyed by the lack of attention, minho stood up and used his slender fingers to grasp your chin, forcing you to look up at him

finally, all your attention was on him.

— changbin!

when your knees unintentionally touch, you wait for him to move but he doesn’t

your family invited him over to have dinner, wanting to know their child’s boyfriend better

the two of you sat together at the dinner table, your parents opposite

while your parents asked him questions, changbin’s knee unintentionally drifted over to your side of the table and touched your knee lightly

expecting him to move away, you continued eating your dinner, keeping in the same position

when the conversation changbin had with your parents ended, you were surprised to see his knee still touching yours

upon seeing your surprised face, the corners of his lips turned upwards, a smirk gracing his handsome face lightly

— hyunjin!

when he hugs you, his large hands wrap around your waist

“hyunjin!” you called out, waving frantically, beckoning him to come over to you

you have not seen hyunjin in a long time due to his world tour but finally, he was back home

making his way over, his taller and larger frame enveloped you in a big tight hug, his hands running down the sides of your body and finally resting at your waist

his hands slowly wrapped around your waist as he bent down and whispered into your ear

“i missed you~”

— jisung!

when he throws his head back to laugh

you were over at jisung’s house after finishing your exams

the two of you were in his room watching a movie and eating popcorn but the movie was long forgotten as you guys were more engrossed in having a conversation

jokes were cracked and throughout your 10 over years of friendship with han, never have you noticed how dashing he looked when he laughed

you showed him a funny picture of hyunjin and hyunjin was jisung’s humour.

he threw his head back while pointing at the photo, his laughter filling up the room

how have you never noticed the small vein that traced his long and slender neck and that melodious laughter of his?

— felix!

when you’re taking a photo together, he turns his head and kisses your cheek unexpectedly

“the view’s pretty,” you commented, reaching into your bag for your phone

“cheese!” you said, raising your phone up to gain felix’s attention

as you snapped a picture, felix swiftly turned his head and his soft lips landed onto your cheek

“click”

that was both your favourite picture

— seungmin!

his arms trapping you between the desk when you ask for help with work

seungmin made his way over after you sighed for the umpteenth time

math was a big headache, a pain in the ass and a nuisance

“need help?” seungmin asked, disheveling your hair at the same time

his hands emerged from behind you and they planted themselves beside your body, trapping you between the desk

as he bent down to take a closer look, his chin rested on the top of your head

maybe math isn’t that painful afterall

— jeongin!

him struggling through your window because you are grounded

“you’re gonna wake my parents up!” you whispered as he knocked his head against your window frame

“help me!” he whispered back, half his body already in your room and the other half outside

you were suppose to go to the newly opened cake shop with jeongin but that was until your parents found out about your failed test and hence, you were grounded

as jeongin finally made his way into your room, you noticed the little box he was holding

“cake?” he questioned, shrugging a little while rubbing his neck shyly.

[mountswhore]

Me again 👀 can I have a Marcus Rashford one this time 🥺 really fluffy where he just can’t get enough of you, can it be a long one also please ❤️ love ya 🥺

i have a soft spot for marcus, so indeed <3

𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 — marcus rashford

summary: marcus is completely head over heels, everyone knows it, but he doesn’t care.

notes: requests are open, ask away!

Marcus was head over heels for you, it was as simple as that. From the moment you met, he was always proving how gentlemanly he was. You’d met through mutual friends, but since meeting you, he hasn’t been the same. Marcus was always a reserved, relaxed guy, but now he was bubbly, loved being around you and always making jokes. It meant Jesse had to compete a little bit harder to be the extrovert in their friendship.

You’d been together now for just over a year, everybody expecting the honeymoon phase to have ended after a few months, but it hadn’t. Marcus still picked you up from work whenever he could, he still brought home your favorite snacks and drinks, he still surprised you whenever he could. He was still making an effort to win your love, even though he already had it.

He was never one to cancel on Jesse, but he’d done it a few times, instead wanting to spend the day with you.

“I see him at work all the time,” Marcus groaned, throwing his phone to the foot of your bed and attempting to grab your arm, “I rarely get days off, so I want to spend them with you.” You just shook your head and stood up, walking over to his side in order to get him up.

“You work with him, sure, but you don’t do anything other than kick a ball around,” you reasoned, tugging on his muscular arms, “he wants to spend the day with you, and I get to see Hope, so up.” You loved that being with Marcus meant you could see Jesse and Hope. She’d taken a liking to you, Jesse telling you that you could never break up now.

Marcus just groaned and stood up, making your job a million times easier. Jesse had texted, asking Marcus if he wanted to go out, and asked you if you’d like to babysit Hope for a few hours. Of course, you agreed, so now Marcus’ plans of spending the day with you were gone. He sulked all the way downstairs and sat at the island, waiting for the kettle to boil.

“This is not fair,” he huffed, resting his head into your chest as you’d squeezed behind him, “when do I get to see you properly and be with you?” Once again, you just laughed at the baby in front of you, smoothing over his arms with your hands.

“You live with me, and I don’t want to hear it,” you explained, pouring the both of you a cup of tea, “you have a whole week off to spend with me, the least you could do is see Jesse for a few hours.” Marcus could barely be apart from you for more than a few hours, so international duty was extra difficult. He’d somehow manage with a facetime call and text messages. Even when you were together, going out for coffee with your mum and sisters, he’d always have an arm around you or keep your hand in his.

You turned to your grumpy boyfriend, shooting him an innocent smile and reaching to swipe your thumb over his cheekbones. “Thank you, my love. I promise, we can spend all day in bed tomorrow.”

The proposal made him smile and nod, standing up and trailing back upstairs with his tea in hand. You’d gotten ready quicker than him, waiting in the passenger seat of his car as he locked up the house. You were so excited to see Hope, you hadn’t seen her in months. With both boys being so busy, you missed her little face. Marcus had eventually parked in Jesse’s driveway, quickly running round to your side to get you out. He’d never let you out of the car on your own, it was a custom you’d gotten used to now.

“Y/N!” Hope exclaimed, holding her arms up at you. You happily lifted her, greeting Jesse with a side hug and trailing out to the garden. It’s where Hope loved to be most. She lets you climb the climbing frame more than she lets her dad.

“We’ll be back late afternoon, thanks again for this, Y/N,” Jesse thanked, saying goodbye to his daughter with a hug. You had approached Marcus, who was leaning against the wall with a sour look on his face. You just rolled your eyes and grabbed his hands, placing them over your cheeks.

“See you later, moody. Don’t ruin your day because I’m not there with you, I’ll do whatever you want later.” You winked at him, and Marcus looked up at the clouds to hide his warm cheeks, thoughts rapidly pushing around his head. Jesse gave you both a look, tapping Marcus’ shoulder and entering his house again.

The pair had finally left, leaving you and Hope to your own devices for a few hours. She’d decided on a movie and some lunch, which you’d made with her sitting on the counter. Moana was playing on the tv, Hope humming along to the songs, and you were just sitting watching her with a smile on your face. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, quickly checking it to see a few texts from Marcus already.

‘Hey, I miss you.’

‘How’s Hope?’

‘I’d kill to be in bed right now.’

As much as you wanted to kill him for not paying attention to his day out with Jesse, you loved how much he loved you. You sighed and texted back a reply, a grin on your face:

‘We’re great. I miss you too. See you soon.’

“Is Marcus your boyfriend?” Hope wondered, now standing in front of you and fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She asked this question every time you saw her, and it always made you laugh.

“Yeah, he is.” You replied, lifting her onto your lap and looking back at the screen.

“Marcus is so tall, taller than daddy.” She added, a completely serious look on her face.

“I know, he’s super tall. Taller than me and you put together,” you exclaimed, you stood up and lifted her above your head to emphasize how tall Marcus was. “Maybe you’ll be that tall one day, Hope.”

You’d finished Moana, played outside, chased her round the house multiple times, and were now almost out on the sofa. Hope was between you and the back of the sofa, head on your shoulder and her eyes almost closed completely. Some random cartoon was on, the lights were out so she could take a nap. It wasn’t until you were almost asleep that the boys had finally arrived home after a long day out.

Marcus immediately sat down next to you, Jesse scooping Hope up and taking her to bed. Marcus had taken the opportunity to lay his head down onto your lap and close his eyes, hands wrapped around your legs.

“Long day of missing me?” You joked, running your fingers up and down his back. You could tell how much he was enjoying it, as every time you stopped, he moved your hand to continue doing it.

“Don’t even,” Jesse groaned, sitting on the other side of you and laughing into his hand, “oh, I miss Y/N so much, can we go home yet, I want to see Y/N, this reminds me of Y/N.” Jesse mimicked Marcus, earning a laugh from you. But he buried his head further into your legs, still maintaining a tight grip around your legs.

“Aw,” you quietly cooed, scratching the back of his neck and standing up, “ain’t that cute?”

“It’s sickening, that’s what it is. What have you done to my poor friend?” Jesse joked. Marcus followed you as you collected your things, saying your goodbye’s to Jesse, before walking back to the car. Marcus had his hand on your thigh the entire ride home, opening your door for you again, and carrying you up to bed.

“You’re really obsessed with me, huh?” You asked, his head on your chest and pulling you into him. You were like a teddy bear to him. He just hummed in response, closing his eyes and twirling the ends of your hair. Soon enough you could hear the man snoring, so you’d pushed him gently onto his side of the bed and moved onto your own side.

But before you knew it, his arms were wrapped around you once again and holding you close to him.

“Obsessed,” Marcus whispered, his voice becoming hoarse from how tired he was. He liked the sound of that.

[s-brant]

Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

[typical-simplelove]

You All Along (J. Markstrom)

Author's Note: While celebrating 200 followers, I did a blurb weekend and wrote a blurb with the prompt: I didn't know where else to go with Jacob Markstrom. I loved the blurb so much that I decided to expand on it. This is the blurb if you haven't read it yet. It isn't embedded into the fic, but it is mentioned. Enjoy!

Warnings: cheating, broken engagements, heartache

Word Count: 11.6k

Additional Note: I didn't give a name to the ex-fiance; she is just referred to as "she", so if you see the pronoun she, then it's about the ex-fiance. Additionally, all italicized lines are in the POV of Jacob.

You and Jacob have been friends for as long as he’s been in Vancouver. You met him when you were on a night out with some friends. He was on his own and looking kind of sad. You walked over to him and introduced yourself hoping to make him happier. Instantly, he thought you were trying to sleep with him. When you told him he looked like he needed a friend, he let out a breath of relief. From there a beautiful friendship formed. You spent every single possible free moment together. As time went on, you began to develop feelings for him. Your friends looked at you the day after you realized how you felt and knew you finally realized yourself. They tried talking you into telling him how you felt. You always told them, though, that the reason your friendship blossomed was that he never had to worry about you falling in love with him. You didn’t want to lose his friendship, so you kept your feelings to yourself.

You watched Jacob date other women. At first, it was just casual dates and hookups here and there. However, when he met her, you knew it wasn’t casual. You watched Jacob fall head over heels for this woman, and she did the same. Unfortunately, you were standing on the side watching your best friend fall in love while you stood on the sidelines. For years, you watched them be all cute and lovey; you told people that you were fine and over him. You tried to be fine. Your best friend was happy, so shouldn’t you be happy, too?

A few months before Jacob got traded to Calgary, you got a new job. A new job in Calgary. You wanted to have Jacob over for dinner to tell him. He showed up at your apartment with his girlfriend in tow. You weren’t expecting her, too, but it made sense considering they were together. When you opened your door, you were met with big smiles on her and Jacob’s faces. You welcomed them, handed them a glass of wine, and immediately, she showed you her left hand. She’s engaged! You were shocked. You should have expected it considering they’ve been together for many years, but you thought Jacob would tell you.

You put a smile on your face and congratulated them. You ended up not telling them about your new job because you didn’t want to upstage them. You put a smile on your face and conducted a successful dinner party. When she and Jacob left that evening, you closed the door and broke down in tears. It was official, then. You truly had no possibility of ever being with Jacob. He was getting married, and you were in love with him.

You ended up taking the job and moving to Calgary. Jacob tried to talk you out of it, but later on, he retracted his statement. He didn’t say why, but you think that his fiance asked him to. As you began to observe the changes in their relationship, you noticed how she began to be controlling in the relationship. You wanted to say something, but you didn’t think Jacob would notice or listen to you because he was hopelessly in love with her.

When Jacob called you saying that he was being traded to Calgary, you were happy for him. In the months you were in Calgary, you felt you were over him. However, when you saw him for the first time standing on the front porch of his new house, you knew you were lying to yourself. You went home and cried. You weren’t sure how long you could pretend to be fine with the wedding and not having Jacob in the way you wanted.

You watched from the sidelines as Jacob and his fiance worked to plan the wedding of their dreams. You watched as she became a bit more controlling as each day went on. Somehow, she might have caught on to your feelings because she loved to flash her ring around. You put on a good facade that was worthy of an Oscars nomination.

You tried your hardest to put yourself out there and get over Jacob, but every date you went on, you were always comparing them to Jacob without knowing it. You did try; however, you knew that it was hopeless. Jacob was the person for you. He always would be. You felt bad stringing these men along, so you opted to stop dating for the time being until you could figure out how to coexist and co-date with the feelings you had for Jacob.

. . .

It was one week before the wedding when everything blew up in Jacob’s face. He thought they were happy; he thought she was also ready for forever. Turns out, she wasn’t. She was in the shower, and her phone was blowing up with texts and calls. He was trying to focus on a book you told him about, but her phone was bothering him, so he went to turn off the ringer. However, he paled at what he saw. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to ignore it? Does he confront her? Thankfully, though, she walks out of the bathroom in her towel and catches Jacob holding her phone.

“What’re you doing?” she asks in a tone that was a mix of accusation and nervousness.

“I was going to turn off your ringer because it was bothering me, but turns out, you’re cheating on me,” Jacob says blatantly.

She doesn’t meet his eye, but she also doesn’t deny anything.

“So, nothing to say?”

“What was I supposed to do, Jacob? You have Yn! You both have a connection that I can never match or be a part of! You’re too close. I was feeling sad and angry, and I needed someone.”

“So you went to someone else?” Jacob angrily says. “We’re getting married. You’re supposed to tell me when you have issues or problems like this.”

“You don’t think I tried?”

“If you tried then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. If you told me how you felt, then I’d have tried to limit my time with Yn and focus on you. Like it or not, you and I agreed on forever. Yn and I won’t always be forever. At one point, she’ll get married. You have to tell me these things!”

She scoffs at Jacob. “It doesn’t matter if she might be getting married one day because she probably won’t.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

“You’re both too close! The connection you have is ridiculous to ever get between. It’s like you both are together, and I’m standing on the sidelines. Jacob, I tried to slowly take her out of your life, but she’s always there.”

“What do you mean you tried to take her out of my life?” Jacob is getting angry now. You were his best friend, so anyone who said anything bad about you was automatically bad news to him.

“I can’t marry you if she’s in your life. I tried to limit her interactions with you as much as possible, but still, you found a way for her to be in your life regardless of what I wanted.”

“I didn’t know that you felt this way because you didn’t tell me! If you felt this way, why didn’t you say something?”

“I thought she’d back off knowing she can’t have you because I’m with you, but she was still there.”

“What do you mean back off?”

“You mean to tell me that you don’t know that Yn has feelings for you? She’s head over heels for you, and you don’t know?”

“No, you’re wrong,” Jacob denies. There’s no way, right?

“No, I’m right. She has feelings for you, and I think deep down, so do you. Every time she calls you saying she needs you, you’re always right there at her beck and call. Do you know the number of times that you’ve changed our plans to be there for her? You’re supposed to be canceling plans with her for me, not vice versa. Jacob, I tried to take her out of your life, but she’s always there because you refuse to let her leave.”

“Why would I want my best friend to leave? Also, I think we’re missing the fact that you cheated on me!”

“Like you never cheated on me with Yn.”

“I never did,” Jacob retorts, and she just scoffs in response. “You know why? Because I’m in love with you! I’m marrying you, not Yn!”

“You still want to marry me?” she asks softly.

Jacob doesn’t answer. Does he want to marry her anymore? She cheated and admitted to trying to control his life by taking you out.

“You have two options,” she says. “You pick me, and we get married. I’ll end whatever relationship I have with him, but you don’t get Yn in your life. You don’t get to talk to her, call her, or do anything with her. You stop talking to her cold turkey. Or, you leave me.”

“What? Why would you do that to me?”

“I can’t compete with Yn to be the number one woman in your life.”

“There is no competition because you are the number one woman in my life.”

She scoffs. “As much as I want to believe that, it’s not true.”

Jacob goes silent. She’s not wrong though. Even though she was number one in his life, you were close behind. He could always count on her, but he knew you’d be there no matter what for him. You’d never make him choose. “I’m not picking because there’s no reason to. Yn doesn’t have feelings for me.”

“Answer this, then. In the seven years that you’ve known Yn, has she ever had a relationship that lasted longer than six months?”

Jacob ponders the question briefly. No, you haven’t had any relationships that have lasted longer than six months. He never thought anything of it, though. You always told him that the person wasn’t what you wanted, or you didn’t like him like that. He never thought it had anything to do with him. It didn’t, he thought to himself. You don’t have feelings for him. “Why are you trying so hard to prove this point when it’s not right?”

“So, no, right? Jacob, why can’t you see it? She’s in love with you, and whether or not you realize it, you’re in love with her, too. Deep down, it was always her. It always will be.”

“I’m not picking you or Yn because there is no choice to be made. I love you and want to marry you. If you still want that, then I can find a way to get past the infidelity and everything said here.”

“I can’t. I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t be with you knowing that you know she loves you, and you refuse to do anything about it. I’m not marrying you. I can’t marry you. She’ll always be first in your heart, and I can’t compete with that.”

Jacob nods. “I understand. You can have the house; I’ll sell my rights to you.”

“No, you take the house. You have roots in Calgary; I don’t.”

“Okay, you can stay here for the next few weeks until you figure things out and move out.”

“Where will you go?” she asks.

Jacob shrugs. “I’m not sure.” In reality, though, he knows where he’s going. He’s going to you because he knows he can always count on you.

“That’s bullshit. You’re going to Yn.”

“Goodbye,” Jacob says as he walks out the door with only his wallet, phone, and keys in tow.

. . .

It was one week before Jacob’s wedding when you felt you finally figured it out. You figured out how to ignore the nagging thoughts that the person you were on a date with wasn’t Jacob. You finally figured it out. Sure, maybe it was partially because you haven’t seen him in a month. After all, he was busy, but still, progress is progress.

You had it figured out until Jacob knocked on your door at three in the morning. He knocks telling you he had nowhere else to go. You let him in, and he tells you that she cancelled the wedding. They aren’t getting married next week. Jacob begins rambling on, but you tell him just to ignore it all right now. Take the night to relax and try to calm down. You’ll both deal with the after-effects of the wedding being cancelled in the morning. You lead Jacob into your bedroom to sleep. He insisted on sleeping on the couch, but you both knew that he was way too big for it. You fell asleep that night with Jacob holding you as you fell asleep. You sighed in content. This was the way it was supposed to be.

. . .

As you quickly fell asleep, Jacob couldn’t sleep. He lied to you. He told you that the reason he and his fiance ended the engagement was because of his travel. He thinks you would have called out his lie knowing that she and Jacob have been together for five years. One would think that after being together for five years, the travel wouldn’t be a deal-breaker anymore. How was Jacob supposed to tell you that the reason he isn’t getting married anymore was because of you? How was he supposed to tell you that you were the reason he was in your bed? How was he supposed to wrap his mind around the fact that you might have feelings for him?

His thoughts were immediately halted when you shift around in the bed slightly and lean closer into Jacob. A wide smile crosses his face. Suddenly, though, one thought is coursing through his mind: was she right? Did you have feelings for him? Why did Jacob feel like all his worries slipped away when he walked into your apartment? Why did Jacob feel so much more comfortable holding you than he ever did holding her? Why did he feel more comfortable in your home than he did his own with her? Why did he love the smell of your perfume more than he did hers? Why did he love the feel of you against his body more than he ever did hers? Why wasn’t he more upset about his broken engagement? Why wasn’t he more worried about what would happen in the morning? Did he waste his time with her when you were always there?

. . .

Jacob woke up to an empty bed the next morning. Momentarily, he forgot about the broken engagement. He remembered the events the previous night, though, when he turns over and is met with your cream sheets instead of his grey sheets. He gets out of your bed and walks into the kitchen where you’re sitting there with a bowl of cereal. You left an empty bowl for him sitting there in the event you wanted some. He poured a bowl of cereal and sat next to you.

“Morning,” he says to you.

You nod. “Your mom called me.”

“Why did my mom call you?”

You just look at him with a peculiar, knowing look in your eyes.

“Oh, broken engagement, right.”

“Care to tell me why the engagement is broken?” you ask. He looks at you. He didn’t want to. The same thought went through his head. How is he supposed to tell you that you were the reason the engagement was broken?

“She couldn’t take the travel anymore,” he lies.

You nod. “Okay.”

Jacob knows that you know he lied. He’s grateful, though, that you didn’t call him out on it. He isn’t sure what he’d do if you called him out on it.

He was lying. You knew he was lying, and you weren’t sure why. He told you when he woke you up that it was the distance. You let that lie go knowing that he was probably going through a lot. However, when Jacob’s mom called you that morning saying she heard about the broken engagement, she wanted your opinion. You aren’t sure what Jacob’s ex-fiance told her, but she didn’t tell Jacob’s mom what Jacob told you. Jacob’s mom didn’t believe you when you told her it was the travel, but you were grateful that she didn’t call you out on your lie. What were you supposed to say? Jacob wasn’t telling you what happened, and you weren’t going to press him for any information he didn’t want to give you.

When you told him that his mother called, you knew he was shocked. “I know you wanted to be the one to tell your mother, but you didn’t get the chance to. You should call her back.”

Jacob nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Just out of curiosity, how long do you think it will take for her to move out of the house?”

“Already want me gone?” Jacob teases and flashes you his signature grin that makes your heart skip a beat.

“No, no, I’m just asking.”

“I know, I’m only teasing. I told her to take as much time as she needed, but I can go and stay with Elias or go to a hotel.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you reply. “You can stay with me. I don’t have a spare bedroom, but you can take my bed, and I’ll take the couch.”

“You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to take you out of your bed.”

“I mean, unless you don’t mind sharing a bed with me then it’s fine then,” you know that sharing a bed with Jacob for a few weeks will make your feelings skyrocket through the roof. You don’t know if you’ll ever be able to get over him.

“That’s perfectly fine with me.”

You nod. “You should call your mom.”

Jacob nods and picks up his phone to call his mom. You could get through a few weeks without breaking your facade right?

. . .

“I don’t believe you, Jacob,” Jacob’s mother tells him.

“What do you mean you don’t believe me?” Jacob asks exasperated. He was hoping his mother wouldn’t call him out on the lie he was telling.

“I don’t believe you because it doesn’t seem likely that distance would be an issue in a five-year relationship. Also, she didn’t tell me distance.”

“What did she say?”

“She told me you both grew apart. Is that true? Jacob, I’ll know when you’re lying to me, and so will Yn, so don’t lie to her either.”

“I have to lie to her,” Jacob blurts out. Shit, he shouldn’t have said that.

“What happened?”

Jacob looks out of the door to where you’re still sitting at the kitchen counter from where he’s sitting on your bed. He walks over off your bed and closes the door. He doesn’t want you hearing this part of the conversation.

“This conversation stays between us, okay?”

“Yes, yes, you’re making me worried.”

“Yeah, well. Okay, so, where do I begin? I was reading a book last night, and her phone was going off like crazy, so I went to turn off the ringer. Her screen was already lit up, and she was getting texts from this guy about when they’d be able to see each other in private again. She was cheating on me. She found me holding her phone, and I confronted her. She was saying how she would always feel second to Yn in my life even though she was always number one. Yn was not at all close to being number one in my life.”

“Jacob, I told you to stop lying to me.”

“Mom, I didn’t lie to you,” Jacob says trying to feign innocence. Wow, his mother was good at calling him out.

“Yes, you did, and you know exactly what you lied about.”

“Fine, Yn is a close second, but my fiance was still number one. She began saying how Yn and I were too close, and she felt like she couldn’t compete. She didn’t have to compete because there was nothing to compete for. She began talking about how Yn had feelings for me, and I deep down have feelings for Yn. I don’t, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She gave me an ultimatum and told me either we got married and Yn was out of my life or no wedding. I couldn’t pick because why would I? Everything she was saying was ridiculous, and Yn and I are just friends. Sure, we’re close, but there’s nothing more than that.”

“She picked for you, then?”

“Yeah,” Jacob says sadly.

“How are you doing with everything?”

“I’m fine, surprisingly,” Jacob answers. “This isn’t me trying to get you off my back. I’m fine. I don’t feel any heartbreak or anything.”

“If you’re doing good then, that’s good. Do you think you know why that is?”

Jacob doesn’t miss a beat with his response. “Because I have Yn.”

Jacob’s mother doesn’t say anything knowing that Jacob is going to realize in just a few moments the impact of his words, hopefully.

“No, that came out wrong,” Jacob rushes out quickly. “That’s not me saying because I love love her. It’s because I know I can count on her, and she can count on me.”

“Look, I’m not going to tell you what I think, but let me just leave you with this,” Jacob’s mother continues. “She has strong feelings for you. This is me asking you to be gentle with her heart. She’s been through a lot as your best friend, so please be gentle with her. ”

“Mom, she doesn’t —”

“Don’t argue with me about how Yn doesn’t feel that way to you, Jacob, okay? Be gentle with her because, whether or not you know it, you’ve caused her lots of heartache and heartbreak over the years, and the fact that she’s still in your life is monumental. Just open your eyes and look while you stay with her, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Jacob says. He and his mother say goodbye. Jacob puts his phone down as he hangs up. He stares at the pictures sitting on your dresser. He looks at you smiling with your young nieces and nephews. His smile widens, and his heart warms looking at your smile. Is it possible that you have feelings for him? If so, is it true that he’s caused heartbreak in your life? He walks out of your bedroom and into the kitchen where you’re still sitting.

“Good talk with you mom?” you ask.

Jacob nods. Suddenly, he isn’t sure what to say to you. He, for the first time, is seeing you. Despite your hair being a bit messy because you woke up a few hours earlier, it’s still beautiful. He, for the first time, is seeing the way your hair perfectly frames your face and how it accentuates your facial features. For the first time, he’s noticing the glimmer and shine in your eyes. He’s noticing the way your voice is laced with kindness despite him waking you at three in the morning.

“Are you okay?” you ask softly.

“Yeah, why?” he asks, and he immediately blushes.

“You’re just acting weird,” you reply with a teasing smile. Jacob’s heart begins hammering in his chest. He’s looking at you and noticing your smile. How collected and beautiful your smile is. Jacob’s always known you were a beautiful woman. He’s told you on numerous occasions how stunning and beautiful you are. For the first time, though, he’s realizing how wrong that is, how much of an understatement beautiful is. You’re drop-dead gorgeous.

“You’re acting weird,” Jacob says mimicking your voice that brings out a giggle from you. Jacob looks at you, and his heart is beating much faster than before.

“You sure you’re okay?” you ask again and walk over to him. You place your hand on his forehead pretending you’re taking his temperature, and Jacob’s breath hitches in his throat. Did you notice? “Maybe you have a fever.”

“I’m fine, I promise,” Jacob whispers.

“Yeah, including everything that has happened?”

Jacob nods. He should probably stay at a hotel, right? He can barely get a single coherent thought, so why does he think he can live with you for a few weeks?

“Okay, well, I’m here if you want to talk,” you answer, taking your hand off of Jacob’s forehead. “I’m going to go get changed and ready for the day, okay? Maybe you should call or text her to talk about getting some of your stuff for basic survival.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” Jacob answers. As you’re walking away, he calls out to you. “Hey, yn?”

You turn around and quirk your eyebrow. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

You scrunch your eyebrows together in confusion. Jacob’s seen that expression before, but for the first time, he’s noticing how cute it is. “What for?”

He shrugs. How is he supposed to tell you he’s sorry for causing you pain and heartache that you’ve never voiced to him before? How is he supposed to apologize for a pain in you that you’ve hidden from him for so long? How is he supposed to continue knowing he’s hurt you so much before, but he’s never noticed? “Nothing in particular, just saying sorry.”

You nod in confusion. “Um, okay. Apology accepted I guess?”

Jacob thinks that if you knew what he was truly apologizing for, you wouldn’t forgive him.

. . .

He was apologizing. What was he apologizing for? What did he have to apologize for? He’s never caused you any hurt or sadness that would require him to apologize for. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Sure, he’s hurt you before, but it was because he fell in love with another woman. He didn’t know the hurt and heartbreak it caused, so he wouldn’t ever need to apologize for it.

You continue to get ready for the day and try to figure out why Jacob apologized and his weird mannerisms today. Normally, Jacob can meet your eye today and get clear, coherent sentences out. However, today, he couldn’t do that. He was giving you short, terse responses and nodding instead of talking.

“Jacob, do you know who’s going to be in charge of canceling everything?” you ask Jacob when you walk out of your bedroom.

He shrugs from where he’s sitting on your couch. “I’m not sure. Maybe I should ask.”

You sit next to him. “Whatever happens, just know, I’m here to help you, okay?”

Jacob nods and a weird look flashes across his face. Did you say something wrong? For the first time in your long friendship with Jacob, you’re second-guessing your words.

“You okay?” you cautiously ask.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Jacob deflects hurriedly.

“You’ve just been acting weird recently which is understandable considering circumstances, but you’re being weird with me which is weird.”

Jacob looks at you, and you try to read his mind and what he’s thinking. It doesn’t work; you weren’t able to.

“Jacob?”

He looks at you with a soft eye. “Yn?”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, well, make sure you talk to her, so we can start canceling stuff and telling people that there isn’t a wedding this weekend.”

Jacob nods. He watched you get up from the couch and move to the kitchen table to get some work done. He knows you’re catching on to his weird behavior. For the first time, Jacob is befuddled and confused about how to act around you. He has no idea what to do, and he doesn’t like this feeling. You’re his best friend, so it shouldn’t be this hard for him to know how to act around you. Your smile, your concern, your soft facial expressions, your caring heart, all of it is overwhelming to Jacob. It’s always been there, and he’s always been on the other side of your kindness and caring nature and smile, but for the first time in forever, Jacob views it differently — a good difference. He’s going to have to figure out a way to push his conflicting feelings and views to the side if he’s going to be staying with you. He’s going to have to figure out how to act normally around you because he’s going to be staying with you. He’s going to be in your house, your home, your kitchen, your bed. He’s going to be living in your life, and he can’t put more on you than you can take. He now knows he’s hurt you before, and he has to find a way to make up for it.

. . .

For the week on what would have been the week of Jacob’s wedding, you and Jacob work to cancel it. He makes the calls to all his family, friends, and the wedding party. You were in charge of calling all the vendors and the venue. You sat next to Jacob the entire time he made the calls to his family. Much of it wasn’t in English, but you could see the sadness in his eyes. He thought he was starting his forever, but instead, it was crumbling at his feet.

During a particular call to his grandmother, you could see the tears starting to form in his eyes. You wanted to hug him and hold him, but he walked into your bedroom for privacy. You understood why, but you wanted to be there for him in every way possible. He walked out of your bedroom with his eyes puffy. You put your glass down and walk over to him. You wrap him in a hug and hold him as you feel his tears through your shirt. You stroke his back and comfort him as he finally lets all the emotions out. He lets all the emotions that he’s been keeping in for days finally out.

Jacob lifts his head off your shoulder, and you look up at him. You move your hands to his face and wipe the tears off his face. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”

Jacob nods. “How can you be so sure?”

“I don’t know, but I just do. Is that enough?”

“I think so.”

Jacob was a mess. He was sad and angry and upset. He wasn’t upset at her per se. He was more upset at himself. He was upset at himself for not seeing the signs of the relationship falling apart. He was upset that she cheated on him. He was upset that she put the duty of cancelling the wedding on him, not choosing to do anything. Mostly, though, he was upset that he’s been hurting you in the past years. He’s upset at himself for not seeing what he was doing to you and what she was doing to him. He’s angry and confused at himself for not seeing you for who you truly were. He’s confused. He doesn’t know much of anything anymore. He just wants to be okay and feel happy again. Despite all these confusing, angry feelings, Jacob takes one look at you, and he knows he’ll be okay because you always made him feel better. Even though he wasn’t sure the extent of your relationship with him anymore, Jacob knows that he can count on you and vice versa.

On what would have been Jacob’s wedding night, you ask him about his living situation. “Any news on when you’re getting the house back?”

“Already want to get rid of me?” Jacob teases. Was his voice teasing? Was it too accusatory? Is he coming off as teasing?

When you smile at his words, he knows that you knew he was teasing. “No, no, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just asking because my apartment is small, so I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or too cramped here.”

“Don’t worry, yn,” Jacob reassures. Was he talking normally? He wasn’t sure. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears that it was hard to know if he sounded normal. “Wherever you are, I’ll always be comfortable.”

You smile at him and return to the book you were reading. That was not normal at all. Has Jacob ever said those words to you? Maybe he should have told you that sooner because he always did feel comfortable wherever you were. Come to think of it, Jacob’s always felt more comfortable around you than he ever did her. He always felt more at ease and more at home whenever you were around. She never had that effect on him. Jacob always had to be on his toes around her making sure he doesn’t say or do anything wrong. Why did he always feel more comfortable with you?

“Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair in a few days if she doesn’t give me a plan or anything,” Jacob says.

“No, don’t do that,” you rush out quickly. Jacob knows you well enough to know that you’re flustered. He knows that you’re regretting getting that out so quickly. Despite all the changes that Jacob feels like your friendship is going through, the bottom line is he knows that you haven’t changed. You’re still the smart, beautiful, compassionate, caring person you always were. That’s not changing.

Jacob throws a deep chuckle your way.

“Stay as long as you need, Jacob,” you tell him with a shy smile. Upon seeing your smile, Jacob’s heart races. His stomach erupts in butterflies. Where were these feelings coming from? He’s known you for so long, so why is he just starting to develop romantic feelings for you? Were these romantic feelings? Was that what this is? Was he falling for you romantically?

“Thank you, Yn,” he whispers. You make him blush, flustered, and go crazy. Jacob doesn’t know much about what’s happening in his life, but he knows that as long as he has you, everything will be okay. You make his heart flutter and butterflies erupt whenever you breathe around him. Did Jacob always have these feelings for you? Did he ignore these feelings because he just wanted a friendship with you? Sure, at first that was all he wanted because he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Did he always feel this way? Were the feelings finally coming out because he wasn’t preoccupied with anyone else?

The following Monday, Jacob ventures out to practice for the first time. The coaches and the team gave Jacob a week to sort everything out and figure out his life. He was a bit rusty, but it felt great to get back on the ice. He noticed the pitying glances his teammates gave him, but when Jacob glared at them, they knew to stop.

“Marky? Do you mind staying behind for a moment?” Mark asks. “Just want to talk.”

Jacob nods. He knew this was coming for him; he knew he was going to get a talk from his captain.

“How are you doing?” Mark asks after everyone leaves.

“Um, I think I’m okay?” Jacob answers.

Mark nods. “That’s understandable. So, no sadness or anger or disappointment?”

“I — I, I don’t know how to answer that.”

Mark gives Jacob a weird look, and Jacob tries to put the thoughts into words.

“I’m angry at her for cheating on me and trying to control my life. I’m upset because I was planning this life with her, and she was one step in and one step out. I’m disappointed because I should have seen it. I’m upset and disappointed with myself because my mom told me that I’ve broken Yn’s heart before, and I didn’t notice.”

“Woah, slow down. One woman at a time. I understand all the stuff about her, but Yn? What does she have to do with this?”

“I’m staying with Yn right now until my house is free of my ex. My mom called me and told me to be gentle with Yn’s heart. I questioned her about it, and she was talking about how Yn loves me but romantically. She was telling me to be gentle with Yn’s heart because through my actions I’ve hurt her and shattered her heart. I mean, how have I never seen it? She’s my best friend, so shouldn’t I be able to see when I’m hurting her?”

“She’s good at hiding how she feels,” Mark answers.

“You knew?”

“How she feels about you, or how you’ve unknowingly hurt her before?”

“Both, I guess,” Jacob prompts.

“Yes, to both then.”

“So, you know how she might feel?”

“It’s obvious how she feels,” Mark says.

“How could I not have seen it? How could I have not seen how I’ve hurt her?”

“Don’t beat yourself up, okay? As I said, she’s good at hiding it. It took me a while to notice her feelings for you. She didn’t let you know or see how she felt because she wanted you to be happy. She let her feelings stay hidden, so you could be happy. If you were happy, then she was happy.”

Jacob nods. “I just, I don’t know.”

“I think the question that you should be asking yourself is why you care so much about this. I understand being upset that you didn’t know you’ve broken her in the past, but why is this on the front of your mind even though you just had an ended engagement?”

Jacob ponders the question momentarily. “I think I’m in love with her? I think I always was, but I didn’t let myself feel those feelings. I always did feel more comfortable with Yn than I ever did with my fiance, ex-fiance. I always felt more at home with Yn than I did with her. I think I’ve always had romantic feelings for her, but I didn’t let them out.”

Mark just stares agape at his teammate. He thought he was going to have to nurse this information out of Jacob. He wasn’t expecting Jacob to have gotten to this conclusion on his own.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Jacob says sadly.

“I agree with what your mom said about being gentle with Yn’s heart. She deserves that at least. You shouldn’t say anything without knowing for sure because she deserves that at least. Just act normally around her until you’re ready to say something.”

“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to be normal around her!” Jacob says exasperated. “I’m overthinking everything, and I no longer know how to act around her. I don’t know if the way I’m talking is weird or normal; I just don’t know.”

“Okay, okay, calm down. Breathe,” Mark interjects. “Try to stay calm. Sure, it might be difficult and hard to act around Yn, but try. That’s all I can say.”

Jacob nods. He goes back to your apartment after practice running through all the words Mark said. He’s thinking through them. He’s right; you deserve Jacob to gentle with your heart. You deserve the world, but Jacob isn’t sure if he can give you the world. He wants more than anything to be able to know exactly how he feels, but he can’t help but feel like he’s self-sabotaging the entire friendship with his overthinking. If he doesn’t figure out how he feels, Jacob fears your friendship might be doomed.

. . .

It’s been one month since Jacob showed up at your door telling you about his broken engagement. In that one month, you hoped to find little things about Jacob you never knew before and turn them into reasons for you not to love him. You tried, but you couldn’t because he was perfect. Jacob was the perfect house guest, and you hated it. Instead of finding reasons to fall out of love, you found reasons to fall more in love with your best friend. Jacob always made sure that his dirty laundry was in the basket, or his wet towel after showering was always hanging up to dry. He never left a mess in the washroom after using it, and he always cleaned the shaving clippings off the washroom counter. If you made dinner, then Jacob insisted that you relax, and he does the dishes. Even if he cooked, Jacob still did the dishes because that’s the kind of person he was. You tried not to let the domestic vibes of the situation get to your head, but it was hard. It was hard not to pretend that you and Jacob weren’t a married couple. It was hard to pretend that this isn’t permanent. It was plain hard to be around Jacob at all without your heart thumping in your chest. You’ve been good in the past years hiding how you felt, but in the one month Jacob was living with you, it all went berserk. You were overthinking and overanalyzing everything. You only hoped that Jacob didn’t notice.

On a random morning, while you were eating breakfast before going to work, Jacob prompts, “She called me and told me she wants to talk.”

You lookup. “Okay?”

“What’s your opinion on it?”

“None? I mean, you guys need to talk and sort stuff out.”

“Like?” Jacob questions. You have a feeling he knows what you’re talking about but chooses to ignore it.

“Your living situation? Who’s going to pay all the final fees for the cancellations of the wedding? Returning all your wedding and engagement gifts? Stuff like that. Also, I think it’ll be a good way to gain closure, too.”

Jacob nods with a forlorn look in his eyes. “Yeah, closure.”

The topic is immediately dropped, and you both continue in awkward silence.

You hoped Jacob was able to talk to her and sort everything out that he needed to.

. . .

Jacob met her on neutral territory — a coffee shop. Jacob got there ten minutes early hoping his nerves would die down by the time she arrived. They didn’t. She arrived, and Jacob’s heart continued to beat out of his chest. He isn’t sure why. Despite concluding that he’s always loved you, he knows that he loved her, too. Despite harboring feelings for you, he still loved her.

“Hey,” Jacob says when she sits down.

“Hi,” she says back. She and Jacob both stare at each other. Were they supposed to jump right into things or engage in small talk first? “Should we just get to the point?”

“Yeah, I think that’s best.”

“Okay, um, I changed my mind, and I want the house.”

“What?” Jacob asks, shocked.

“I want the house because despite it also being your home, I was the one who did most of the decorating and stuff like that because you were on the road. I’m not blaming you for not doing any of it. I just think it’s fairer if you let me keep the house. I’ll buy your half from you and everything. I just want the house.”

Jacob looks at her, so he’s supposed to find a new place to live in now? Should he find a temporary living place, so he doesn’t have to stay with you? “Okay, that’s fine. I guess just give me a date that works for you, and we’ll head to the bank to sort all the stuff out, and I can move my stuff out.”

“I might have destroyed some of it out of anger, but okay.”

Jacob laughs. “Hate me that much?”

“It’s not you that I hate,” she replies calmly but also coldly.

“Who do you hate then?” Jacob asks, confused.

“Really? You don’t know? Maybe I should remind you of the argument we had when you left. Also, where are you staying? I called Elias a while back asking if you need any of your stuff, but he said you were staying somewhere else.”

Jacob doesn’t answer, and instead, he opts to stare at his mug. She takes his silence as a sign as to where Jacob’s staying.

“Oh my goodness, you’re staying with Yn,” she says angrily. “Did you buy her a bigger apartment, or are you staying in her tiny apartment? If you’re staying in her apartment, then that means either you’re sleeping in her bed and she’s on the couch, or you’re sleeping in her bed.”

Jacob doesn’t look up or meet her eyes.

“No, you’re sleeping in her bed. Of course, you are. You ran right to her, didn’t you? Have you slept with her yet? Have you completely forgotten about us? Me? Was I just a placeholder until that bitch finally came clean about what she felt.”

“Hey! Don’t call her that,” Jacob condemns. “Sure, yes, we’re sharing a bed, but I didn’t think I would have to find a new place to live. I thought it was only temporary. And yes, I ran right to her because she’s my best friend. Who else was I supposed to go to when my future wife cheats on me and ends our engagement?”

“Have you slept with her?” she whispers. She doesn’t know if she wants the answer, but she still needs to ask.

“No, I haven’t slept with her.”

“But you want to.”

Jacob snaps his head up. He doesn’t want to sleep with you. That thought has never crossed his mind. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I think that you’ve finally realized that you’ve always loved her. I think that you realized that she loves you and would do anything for you. I think you’ve realized that you wasted your time on me.”

“That’s only partially true. I think I’ve finally realized that I’ve always loved her, and I think I’ve realized that she loves me, too. However, I don’t think I’ve wasted my time with you. Despite it all, I did love you at one point, and I wouldn’t throw away our relationship.”

“Did? When did you stop?”

“When I found out you cheated on me.”

“So, you’ve loved me our entire relationship?” she asks with worry in her eyes.

He nods. “Yeah, and there will always be a part of me that will always love you. Do you still love me?”

Now, it’s her turn not to answer and just stare at her mug. Jacob doesn’t want to pry for any information. “I stopped loving you a while ago. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Why didn’t you break up with me then?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re a great person, so I thought I could fall back in love with you, but then I started noticing the way Yn looked at you and how she acted. I began watching your patterns around her, and I realized that it didn’t matter if I loved you or not. I realized that even if you loved me, you’d always love her more. So, I cheated on you to find a love that I craved.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry you felt the need to go to another place for the love I couldn’t give you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you in the way you wanted,” Jacob apologizes.

“I’m sorry for the hurt I put you through. For what it’s worth, though, I wouldn’t undo our relationship. I think that if I were to redo it, we wouldn’t have gotten this far. We wouldn’t have gotten to an engagement. Deep down, I think we both know that our relationship began to fall apart shortly before you proposed.”

Jacob thinks about it for a moment. Yeah, she was right. “Yeah, you’re right. Doesn’t mean, though, that I didn’t love you.”

“Yeah, same here.”

“If I may ask,” Jacob begins. “Are you with him? I mean, the guy you cheated on me with.”

“Um, yeah, we’re together. He’s been staying with me and stuff, but yes, we’re together.”

Jacob nods.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not,” Jacob says. He wasn’t. He’s moved on from her, and now, he just wants her to be happy.

“Look, Jacob, I’m going to be honest with you, okay? Yn? She’s the one for you. Don’t waste your time staying in your head thinking about whether or not Yn feels the same. She’s loved you for too long. She deserves you to be honest with her, okay? Just tell her how you feel.”

“Okay,” he says. They ended up talking for another hour sorting out things and catching up. Despite breaking up, they both knew that the other would be there if needed. Jacob went back to your apartment with the closure he needed to move on. Now, he needed to figure out how to tell you how much he loved you.

. . .

Jacob moved out into a new home two months later. In those two months, you helped Jacob in any way you could. You helped him pack up his house and move into a storage unit. You helped him look for a new place to live and helped him move in. The first night in almost three months you spent alone, it felt weird. It felt weird to eat dinner alone even though there were some nights you ate alone anyway because he was at a game or on the road. It felt weird to go to sleep in an empty bed, and it felt weird to wake up to cold sheets. It was weird, and you hated it. You missed Jacob, and you wanted him to continue living with you. However, you wouldn’t give up the time you had with Jacob. It was some of the best three months of your friendship, and you’d do anything to go back to it.

Despite spending all that time together, you still didn’t know the real reason why Jacob ended his engagement. You wanted to know what was the reason because you could tell it was eating him up. Jacob has cried and gotten emotional a few times, but you knew he wasn’t fully healed. You knew there was still something eating him up, and you wanted nothing more than to know how to fix what was going on.

Six months after the broken engagement, the Flames season came to a saddening end. Jacob opted to have the Year-End Team Barbeque at his new house. When he approached the idea with you, you told him it was a great idea. It was great that he was moving on and continuing on with his life. He told you he wanted you there. You tried interjecting saying that you weren’t part of the team; however, he countered by saying that families were also invited. When you tried to argue you weren’t family, Jacob gave you a look that made your heart beat faster and told you he expected you to be at his house on the date of the barbeque.

You showed up at his doorstep with a plate of lemon squares and a bag full of nervousness. You weren’t sure why you were particularly nervous today. It was Jacob. Jacob. Your best friend. You shouldn’t have any reason to be nervous. None at all. So, why were you suddenly nervous?

You knocked on the door, and Jacob opened it. “You don’t have to knock, you know.”

You smile. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I made lemon squares.”

He takes them out of your hand and ushers you inside. You take off your shoes, and Jacob places the plate on the bench. He wraps you in a giant hug filled with the warmth and love that you missed from him. Despite him not living with you for quite some time, you still missed him and his warmth. You missed going to sleep next to him and waking up next to him. You missed having a cuddle buddy while you were sitting on your couch reading or watching TV. Mostly, though, you missed him. “Hi,” you whisper shyly. You aren’t sure why you’re so shy all of a sudden.

“Hi,” he whispers back just as shy. You both miss the knowing and curious looks Jacob’s teammates give you. How could you? You were both absorbed in each other so much that the entire world slipped away. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you whisper into his chest. You aren’t sure if your words are audible because they’re muffled by his shirt. “Anywhere you want me to be, I’ll be there.”

Jacob pulls away and looks down at you. You meet his eyes and notice his look. He looks like he’s contemplating something serious. You can tell the inner monologue and gears in his head are spinning like crazy. What was he thinking? You wanted so badly to know what was going on in his head. Jacob must have decided whatever he was thinking was not important or against it because he shakes his head to himself and takes your hand. He leads you into the kitchen where everyone is with one hand in yours and the other holding the plate of lemon squares you made.

“Get yourself a drink and mingle, I’ll be out on the patio grilling. Come to me if you need anything, okay?” Jacob whispers into your ear. It sends shivers down your spine.

“Okay,” you whisper and head to join the other women. You’re going to need some alcohol in you to get through the day if Jacob was going to keep sending your senses into a spiral.

Jacob isn’t sure what he’s doing, but he knows it’s risky. He knows that one wrong, intimate move or action could tell you what he’s been trying to tell you for months now. When Jacob finally moved into his new home, everything clicked in his mind. Despite designing it exactly how he wanted, it didn’t feel like home. That is, it didn’t feel like home unless you were there visiting. You came two or three times a week when Jacob wasn’t on the road for dinner. Sometimes you brought takeout or you both cooked. It didn’t matter what you were both doing, though, because as long as you were next to him in his house, it felt like home.

It took him three days of living on his own for the first time in a long time to realize how he truly feels for you. It took him three days to know you were the one. It took him three days to know he loved you. Loves you. When he finally realized, Jacob stopped what he was doing. He was cooking dinner. He was making your favorite meal that he’s learned to love and to cook while he was staying with you. After him asking many, many times for you to teach him, you relented and taught him. Jacob had to turn off the stove and sit with it for a moment. He loved you? He loved you. He loves you? He loves you. He will always love you? He will always love you. He loves you, and he can’t take you not knowing anymore. He doesn’t want to rush into another relationship right away, but he also wants you by his side forever.

Jacob didn’t bring you to many team events while he was with her. Before her, he brought you to a few events with the Canucks, but you haven’t gone to many events in Calgary. You met the team and the WAGs, and Jacob thinks you’ve made some great friends amongst them all. Now, though, Jacob never wants to go to a team event where you’re not there. He wants to go to a team event, see you dressed so beautifully, and be his date. Jacob just wants you to be part of every aspect of his life.

“What’re you thinking about?” Mark asks Jacob out of nowhere. Jacob was standing at his grill making food; he was watching you play in the backyard with some of the children. Mark looks to where Jacob’s staring and knows instantly. “Ah, I see. So, did you tell her how you feel? Actually, how do you feel? That should be the first questioning.”

“I haven’t told her how I feel, but I love her,” Jacob answers and a giant smile graces his facial features. A smile that reaches his eyes and shows every smile line. A smile that he only got from talking about you.

“When will you tell her?”

“I don’t know.”

“I mean, be careful because the way you greeted her? That screamed, ‘I’m in love with you,’” Mark tells him.

“It did not!”

“It did, but if it makes you feel better, her actions did the same. She loves you, too.”

Jacob nods. “I’ll tell her soon because I don’t think I can go another day as just her friend."

"You've never been just yn's friend," Mark says.

As everyone gathered around the table in Jacob’s backyard for dinner, you were seated right next to him. As the meal went on, Jacob’s chair got closer and closer to yours. After the meal was finished, you insisted on helping to clean up, but some of the other players and WAGs insisted that you and Jacob stay at the table. As the conversation continued, you began to lean closer and closer to Jacob. So close to the point where your shoulder was right up against his chest, and his arm was around your shoulder. You were as close as physically possible without sharing a chair. Jacob began rubbing patterns on your shoulder, and it sent shivers down your spine. Jacob noticed. He whispered into your ear asking if you wanted a sweater. You told him no, but he still insisted on getting you a sweater, so Jacob got up and grabbed a sweater for you as your conversation continued with Elias, Johnny, Noah, and Annica.

“So, you and Jacob are getting close again,” Noah points out suggestively.

“I mean, we’ve always been close, so I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at,” you reply. You think you understood what Noah was pointing at, but you didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.

“Now that he’s single, are you going to make your move?” Elias eggs on.

You stare at them, and the heat drains from your face. “What?”

“I mean, you’re in love with him, and it’s obvious he’s in love with you, too,” Annica replies. “You should tell him how you feel.”

“No, he doesn’t love me like that.”

“Then explain how touchy and lovey he’s been with you. He was never like that with you before,” Johnny points out, and the rest of the group nod in agreement.

“Right, because he had a girlfriend, a fiance.”

“Sure, but he doesn’t have either of those right now, and he’s acting like a madman in love,” Noah says.

“Look, I know your heart has been broken before because of Jacob’s past relationships, so you’re allowed to be scared, but look at this as an opportunity,” Annica says to you sincerely. She leans in closer to you and places a hand comfortingly on yours. “Don’t go too long without telling him because, at the end of the day, Jacob loves you. He does, and he feels the same way. You’re allowed to be scared and nervous, but don’t let that stop you from the great love you can have with him. Don’t let your fears and nervousness stop you from getting the love that you deserve, okay?”

You nod. Out of all the people you’ve talked to, Annica somehow summed it all up perfectly. She seemed to know exactly what was going on in your head and why you were so hesitant to say anything, even now.

“Worse comes to worst, you, me, and Matthew can be a throuple,” Noah jokes, trying to ease the tension. This brings out a giant laugh from the group. It felt good to laugh with your friends again.

Jacob was walking out from his house with a hoodie in tow when he heard your loud laughter in the distance. He looks up to see you laughing along with Noah, Elias, Annica, and Johnny. He smiles at the thought of knowing that you’re happy and in a good mood. That’s all he wants. He wants you to be happy and in a good mood.

His emotion sours though when he sees you giggling along to something Noah says. He knows he’s reading into it too much, but he’s jealous. He’s jealous that Noah is the one who has you giggling. He’s jealous that Noah and Annica and Elias and Johnny get to be on the receiving end of your infectious laugh. He wants to be sitting right there with you and hearing your laugh.

“What are you staring so intently at?” Matthew asks out of nowhere. Where did he come from? Jacob doesn’t answer but continues to watch you interact with his and your friends. “You know Noah isn’t making a move on your girl, right?”

“She’s not my girl,” Jacob scowls. “Yet.”

Jacob wants you to be his girl so bad that he’s reading into a platonic conversation as something more.

“Just tell her. You know, go tell her right now. The entire team will be so happy that you finally figured shit out and are together.”

“I’m going to give her this hoodie, so she’s not cold,” Jacob deflects. He didn’t want to tell you in a public place. He didn’t want you to be pressured into telling him you felt the same. He wanted you to tell him you loved him out of your own free will and not influenced by added stares.

Jacob sits down in the chair next to you and hands you the hoodie without saying anything. He stays in his seat and doesn’t move to hold you close like he was before. You take the hoodie he offered you and put it on. Jacob’s heart begins to beat rapidly as he sees you wearing his clothes. When you put the hoodie on comfortably, you lean over to Jacob and place a soft kiss on his cheek. You whisper a thank you into his ear before sitting back down in your chair. Jacob instantly knows that he has nothing to worry about because you were it for him, and he was it for you. Jacob’s scowl goes away, and he wraps an arm around your shoulder. It didn’t matter who you smiled at or laughed at, as long as you were happy, then Jacob was happy.

You were the last one at Jacob’s that night. You helped him with the final cleaning up and sorting out. You plopped on his couch and let out a giant huff of air dramatically.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you tell Jacob as he sits down next to you.

“Of course,” he responds, but he has a lost look in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

He looks at you. “Yeah, of course, why?”

“You just have a weird look in your eyes. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing in particular, just how different my life is right now than I thought it would be,” Jacob answers. He hopes you’ll ask what’s changed because he thinks he’s finally going to tell you. He’s begging you to ask, so he can tell you that who he sees spending the rest of his life with has changed.

“Oh yeah? What’s changed?”

“A bunch of things. Like, my house, who I play for, my relationship status, who I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Jacob answers. You nod. You nodded? You nod! That’s it? Do you not have anything to say to Jacob saying the last part? He needs to emphasize it more, he guesses. “Especially the last part.”

“Oh yeah, how much has it changed?” you ask and turn to face him.

“Well, about a year ago, I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with her, but now, I want to spend the rest of my life with someone else,” Jacob answers.

Your heartbeat quickens. Was this him telling you he’s found someone else or is this finally the confessions about the feelings you both have for each other? “Who is this someone else?” you whisper ask.

Jacob’s heart is beating so fast that it sounds like the rhythm of a dance song. He’s finally going to tell her. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? Despite everyone’s insistence that you feel the same way, Jacob is still nervous that you don’t feel the same way.

“Tell me about her?” you whisper.

“Gladly,” Jacob says. “She happens to be my best friend for the past eight years.”

You snap your head up when you hear Jacob’s words. “What?”

Oh no, you don’t feel the same way. You’re going to turn him down, and Jacob ruined the most important relationship in his life. You realize that your response was a bit terser than you meant. You were shocked. Despite everyone telling you Jacob felt the same way, it was still shocking to hear. You hoped your response didn’t force him to shut down and not continue what he was saying. Jacob moves closer to you on his couch and puts his forehead on yours. It’s now or never.

Your forehead felt warm against Jacob’s, and it was making him go crazy. “Yn, I’m in love with you. It took me eight long years to realize it, but I’m in love with you. I think I always was, but I’ve realized it over the past few months.” Please, let her feel the same way.

You smile. Jacob loves you? He’s in love with you? You place your hands on his cheeks and bring his face to yours and kiss him. You place a soft kiss on his lips before pulling away slowly. “I’m in love with you, too.”

You love him, too? You love him! “I love you, Yn.”

“I love you, too, Jacob,” you say with a giggle. Jacob grabs you and sets you on his lap. You wrap your arms around him and lean in for another kiss.

When Jacob pulls away, you have a giant smile on your face, and your lips are sensitive from the kisses.

“I’m sorry,” Jacob says to you.

“You have to stop apologizing for things you haven’t done,” you tell him.

“I’m sorry for the heartbreak I caused you. I’m sorry you were there for each step of the other relationship I had. I’m sorry I never realized that I was hurting you,” Jacob says ignoring your comment.

“Oh. I’m not upset at you for any of that.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be sorry.”

“How about, moving forward, the past is in the past, okay?” you suggest.

Jacob smiles. “So there’s a future? A moving forward?”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” you tell him with a kiss. Sure, it took Jacob a while to realize how he felt, but you were able to grow into a person who was ready to spend the rest of your life with this man. It took some time, but it was all worth it now.

. . .

Three Years Later

Jacob twirls you around on the dance floor with a giant smile on his face. It was the last dance of your wedding night. The past three years have been filled with laughter, happiness, and love. There were some difficult moments, but, at the end of the day, the love you both have for each other beat every difficulty faced.

You were dancing the last dance of the night with all your guests making a circle for the two of you on the dance floor. They were using their phones’ flashlights to illuminate you both.

As you both continued to dance to your second first dance song choice, Jacob glances around the room at the guests. Jacob sees your parents holding each other as they watch their daughter dancing with the love of her life. He sees his mother looking at you and Jacob knowing that it was a long time coming but worth it. He sees Elias, Noah, Matthew, and some of his other teammates and friends smiling and giving him a thumbs up. He sees Mark giving him a nod. Without his captain’s help, Jacob isn’t sure you’d be here today. Lastly, before putting his eyes on you, he sees her. He sees the woman he was supposed to marry. She gives him a curt nod and leans her head on her new husband’s shoulder and cradles her swollen, pregnant belly. Jacob isn’t sure what happened between you both, but he knows that you both went to brunch before the wedding and cleared the air. You both talked and cleared up things. Many thought it was weird that Jacob’s ex-fiance was invited to the wedding, but if it weren’t for her, you and Jacob wouldn’t be together. She and Jacob needed that relationship to realize who they truly wanted to be with. They needed the relationship to help them realize the lives they truly wanted to lead.

Jacob, lastly, lays his eyes on you, his new wife, and smiles.

“What are you thinking about so intently?” you ask with your beautiful smile gracing your lips.

“Nothing,” Jacob says and places a kiss on your lips.

“I don’t believe that,” you tease.

“I’m just thinking about how we got here,” Jacob says. The previous relationship Jacob was in was no longer an awkward topic. You were both able to mention it now and then without an awkward silence filling the room. Jacob knew that if he didn’t love her, then he wouldn’t have realized how much he loves you. Without her, Jacob wouldn’t be dancing with his new wife.

“Oh yeah? And what about it?”

Jacob smiles and holds you tighter. “Just how it was you all along.”

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[heliads]

Breaking Promises

When Julie has to suddenly drop out of a Julie and the Phantoms performance, the role of lead singer falls to her best friend Y/N, as she’s the only other person who can make the boys visible to the world. When Y/N seems betrayed by this, it falls to Luke to figure out why the girl he’s been crushing on seems so hurt.

masterlist

Luke is bent over his guitar, fingers mindlessly strumming the strings. He’s supposed to be tuning the instrument, he knows that, but every time he tries to set himself up for some small task he can’t help but start trying to figure out another song. It’s like he can find music in everything, and sometimes, the call to come up with another few chord variations is too hard to ignore. Especially now, when he should have finished tuning his guitar ten minutes ago.

Well, it’s not like he has a whole lot to do anyway. The different members of Julie and the Phantoms (minus Julie herself) are strewn about the studio. Reggie is lying on a couch, staring up at the ceiling. Alex, for some reason, is trying to figure out if he can walk all the way around the room without his feet touching the floor once. His gaze is laser-sharp as he focuses, arms held out for balance as he carefully steps from ottoman to couch cushion.

Luke frowns over at him, attention finally broken from the guitar. “You know, walking on the rug does still count as having your feet touch the ground.” Alex holds up a warning finger. “Actually, the rules are that you can’t touch the floor itself. The rug is not the ground, so I’m fine.” Another voice rings out from across the room. “That’s a lie and you know it. Rugs have never been safe.” Alex folds his arms over his chest. “I’ve been playing The Floor is Lava for decades longer than you, Y/N, so I think I’d know.”

Y/N, however, is undaunted by this. “You can’t pull the age thing on me if you’re wrong. The lava would soak through any rug. It’s an obvious fact.” Alex makes a face at her. “I’m still right about this. Luke, back me up.” Luke shakes his head, unable to hide a grin. “Sorry, Alex. Y/N’s right. Rugs are totally out of bounds.” Alex shoots him a sour look. “Somehow I’m not surprised that you’d pick her side.” Luke’s mouth falls open as Reggie bursts out in laughter. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Y/N’s smiling now as well. “It means that he’s still jealous that we’re right. Pay it no attention.” She turns back towards the notebook in her hands, leaving Alex with the opportunity to look meaningfully between her and Luke. Luke shoots him a glare, which just makes Alex’s grin even broader. Sometimes, Luke wishes he wasn’t in a band with such idiots.

Luke’s irritation begins to fade away when he looks back at Y/N. Her hand is strewn across her lap as she studies her scrawled chemistry notes, fingers tapping out a rhythm on the go. It’s strange- Y/N seems like the perfect person for music. She always knows the beat to a song, and she seems to walk, talk, and breathe melodies just like Luke. Even now, when she’s focusing on her homework, she’s still coming up with drum beats on the fly. It’s astonishing.

Yet every time Luke asks Y/N about music, she always changes the subject. It’s never interested her, she claims, or she has always left that to Julie and Flynn, her two best friends. Those excuses don’t make sense, though- Luke’s been to Y/N’s house before and she’s got piles of sheet music stacked up in the corners, and dusty instrument cases hidden in the attic. Y/N has definitely had a history in music, Luke just can’t figure out why she’s hiding it.

Music isn’t the only mystery lingering around Y/N L/N. She isn’t a ghost, yet she can still see Luke, Alex, and Reggie as if they were all lifers. Luke remembers when they first met- Y/N had been Julie’s best friend, and so she had been inevitably dragged over to the studio to hear the boys perform and prove that Julie wasn’t crazy, just like what happened to Flynn. Unlike Flynn, however, Y/N’s eyes had caught on the boys from the second she walked through the door, even before they had started playing music.

She had greeted them with no problem, and then her easygoing smile had started to fade when she saw the looks of utter confusion on Luke and his friends. A wave of troubled realization crested over her eyes when Julie explained that they were ghosts, as if she knew exactly why she could suddenly see them. Julie had been confused as well, and then she had turned to Y/N with a look of thunderstruck understanding. 

“You can see them because of-” Her voice had cut off and Y/N had nodded quietly. “Yes.” The girls hadn’t said anything more, but Luke can still see the silent sadness that wrapped around both Y/N and Julie before they hurriedly changed conversations. They were clearly hiding something, but Luke doesn’t know what it could possibly be. They haven’t brought it up again, and they seem keen on hiding any possible reasons as to why Y/N has no problems seeing ghosts.

After a couple of minutes, Julie bursts through the door of the studio, out of breath from running to them. She stands in the doorway for a second, looking distinctly panicked. “You guys remember the gig we have planned in a couple of days?” Luke nods, along with the rest of his band. How could he not? It’s a fairly big show, at a premier jazz club. It’s no Orpheum, but it’ll give them some excellent street cred that the band could use to get even bigger.

Julie closes the studio doors behind her, and walks over to the assembled band. “We have a problem.” Y/N’s forehead creases, and she starts to rise out of her chair. “Here, I’ll let you guys talk this over in private.” Yet Julie shakes her head, gesturing for Y/N to sit back down. “Actually, I’m afraid you have to be here for this.” Y/N sits back down, looking troubled. Luke can’t blame her- Julie’s gaze keeps flickering over to her friend with a distinctly guilty expression.

Julie steeples her fingers in front of her. “Something came up with my family and I can’t make it to the show. I know the performance is a big deal, but I can’t miss this thing with my family. The only problem is that the jazz club has a strict policy on band cancellations, and we’ve already missed the window for backing out. We have to perform, but there’s no way I can make it in time.” Luke’s gaze falls. How are they supposed to play if they don’t have Julie? Without her, nobody will be able to see them.

Julie squares her shoulders, as if readying herself for a hardship. “We have to have someone performing with the boys so they can be seen and the club won’t think we’re backing out on them. I’m sorry, Y/N, but it has to be you.” Instantly, Y/N’s gaze drops. “What are you talking about?” Julie holds up her hands as if to defend herself from an attack. “I know how it sounds, but hear me out. You have an incredible voice, and you already know the boys better than anybody else.”

Luke looks over at Y/N, and is surprised to see that she looks distinctly unhappy. Angry, even. Reggie, on the other hand, does not seem to have picked this up. He beams over at her. “Y/N, I didn’t know you could sing! This is going to be so good!” Y/N glares over at Julie. “Judging by the fact that the boys don’t know about this, I’m assuming that this was all your idea. You want me to sing in a band in front of a large audience? Why not ask Flynn, or even Carrie? She would be better for this.”

Julie winces. “I know how you feel, but it’s our only option. The boys have to perform with someone who can see them so they can be visible to the audience. It has to be you.” If looks could kill, Julie would be as dead as Luke. Y/N’s voice is slow and cold. “You know what this means to me. You know exactly what this means to me, and you’re still asking me to do this. I can’t believe you.”

Julie starts to speak again, but Y/N holds up a hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it. After all, the future of this band is far more important than any of your friends, isn’t it? I know the songs, I’ll be ready. That’s what you really care about.” Y/N stands up, looking down at Julie with an expression of utter loathing. “When you didn’t want to make music because of your mom, I was there. I understood. But the rules only apply to you, don’t they? I will never forgive you for this.” With that, she walks swiftly out of the study, muttering something about needing to be alone.

Luke looks from the slamming door to Julie. “What was that about?” Julie looks sick to her stomach. “I never should have asked her to do this. She’s right, it was a bad idea.” Alex shakes his head, confused. “I don’t understand. What’s wrong with Y/N having to perform?” Julie just sighs. “It’s personal. If she doesn’t tell you, I don’t think I should either. I’ve already upset her too much.”

Luke gets up slowly. “I’m going to go talk to her.” Before Julie can say a word to stop him, Luke is already poofing out of the studio. He can see Y/N’s figure disappearing around one corner, then two. He follows her slowly, and feels a dull surprise creep over him when he realizes that she is heading towards the cemetery. What could possibly be waiting for her there?

Something in the back of Luke’s head is telling him that this is too personal, and he’s about to witness a scene that was not meant for his own eyes to see. Something else tells him that Luke needs to see this to understand Y/N, and to learn how to fix whatever problem has just split her friendship with Julie down the middle. So, Luke continues to shadow Y/N’s footsteps, always just behind a tree or out of sight when she looks back. He has a feeling that if he is sighted or makes a sound, Y/N will back down from whatever she is about to do.

Eventually Y/N stops moving, and kneels beside a gravestone. It seems fairly recent, not chipped away and eroded like the others. Luke peers closer at the stone and realizes that it’s inscribed with a girl’s name, and the last name is L/N. Also, the death date occurred about a year ago. All of a sudden, Luke realizes who Y/N is visiting. Could this be her sister, a sister that died? Is that why she’s so upset?

Luke’s thoughts stop churning for a second when he realizes that Y/N is speaking quietly to the stone. “Hi. It’s me again. I just had to come here because-” Her voice drops off and she takes a second to collect herself before she begins speaking once more. “I need to apologize. You know that band I’ve talked about before? The one that’s made up of my friends? Well, they have this performance coming up in a few days, and they need me to sing with them because they’re ghosts and I’m one of the only people who can see them. I know how it sounds and everything, but I have no choice-”

Y/N’s eyes widen and she stops speaking. There, standing a few inches in front of her, is a girl. She looks only a couple of years older than Y/N, and even without the inscription on the headstone Luke can tell that this is Y/N’s sister. He can see it in her eyes, the shape of her face. However, unlike Y/N, this girl has a distinctive scowl that never seems to leave her expression, not even for a second. Y/N seems startled at the sight of her sister. “You’re here? I thought-”

Y/N’s sister cuts her off. “What, you thought I wouldn’t be here and so you’d feel okay with pretending everything is fine? We had a promise, don’t you remember? If I have to die and never play music again, you have to uphold the bargain. That’s how it works.” The girl starts walking forward, and Y/N scrambles backwards out of her way. “It wasn’t my choice- I didn’t want to- I have to be there! I tried to argue but there’s no way out of it.” The girl clicks her tongue in disappointment. “I hoped that you would try a little harder. Aren’t you supposed to be keeping my memory? Well, I can think of another way to keep the promise.”

Luke’s head snaps up as he realizes what the girl is about to do. Just before the sister’s arm reaches Y/N, he has poofed into existence in between them, stopping the blow just before it lands. Y/N stares at him. “Luke? Where did you come from?” Luke flashes her an apologetic smile. “I was trying to find you so I could figure out why you were so upset. I think I get it now, though.” Y/N’s sister huffs an irritated sigh. “Look at you, a friend to the rescue. This doesn’t concern you. The promise is between us.”

Luke shakes his head. “You don’t get to hurt her. Not like this, not in the promise. I want you to leave her alone. Only come back when you’re ready to apologize or treat her better.” Y/N’s sister scoffs. “And why would I do that?” Luke’s gaze grows steely. “Because I have friends who can make you. Have you ever heard of Caleb Covington? He knows me, and if I needed something I know he’d show up.” Y/N’s sister’s gaze falters. “You’re in touch with Caleb?” Luke nods. “I take it you know him?”

The girl looks terrified. “Any ghost who’s anybody knows about Caleb.” Her gaze cuts over to Y/N. “I’ll stop, I swear it. Sing with them. I don’t care. Just don’t set Caleb on my trail.” Luke squares his shoulders. “I won’t unless I have to.” Y/N’s sister fixes him with one last look, then poofs out again, leaving Luke and Y/N alone. Luke offers Y/N a hand, which she takes. She’s shaking slightly, which twists Luke’s heart like a knife. She glances over at him, confused.

“Wait, why did you bring up Caleb? I thought he hated you guys. You talked about him like he was a friend.” Luke spread his hands. “She doesn’t have to know that. I mean, all I really said is that Caleb knows who I am, and he does.” Y/N laughs incredulously. “You were bluffing that whole time? Even I believed you.” The two of them walk out of the cemetery, and only after they’re out on the sunlit sidewalk does Luke finally turn to Y/N once more.

“Was your sister the reason you didn’t want to perform with us at the club?” Y/N sighs. “Yes. We were closer than anything, and we had a little gig going as a joint act. We sang and wrote music together. We had plans of being this great band, and then she died one night in an accident.” Y/N stifles a broken laugh. “When I saw her again, I thought I was hallucinating. Then she broke my window and I realized she was actually there, albeit in ghost form. She made me promise that I would never perform again, because it wouldn’t be fair to her memory. Some part of me knew it wasn’t right, but I was afraid of her, I guess.”

Luke sees the doubt beginning to creep back onto Y/N’s face, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “It wasn’t right at all. That promise wasn’t something she could ask of you. That’s not dedication to music, that’s just her controlling her. A real musician would want you to move on and grow. I mean, we all hate Bobby because he stole our songs, not because he kept performing. I mean, I’m proud of him for doing so well, even though he tried to write us out of history. The issue isn’t with you singing, I promise.”

Y/N looks up at him, and Luke feels lost in her gaze. “Thank you for having my back. I know I shouldn’t have blown up at Julie, but I was so upset that she would make me perform that I guess I just lost it.” Luke frowns. “Julie knew about the promise?” Y/N nods. “I dropped out of music class and she wanted to know why. I told her that my sister had died and she didn’t want me to perform anymore, but not about the ghost stuff. Obviously.” A slight smile begins to creep onto her face. “Honestly, I’m excited about performing. I haven’t sung in front of people in a long time.”

Luke returns her smile. “I’m excited to hear you. To be honest, I’ve been hoping to hear you perform for a while.” Y/N’s brow furrows. “You knew I did music?” Luke shrugs. “I knew music was important to you so I took a guess. I know you’ll be amazing.” Y/N laughs. “How do you know that?” Luke leans down to press a kiss to her cheek. “I just have a feeling.”

[yumeyooa]

[10:23 AM]—i wake up everyday, like ‘hello beautiful’

—pairing: miya atsumu x gender neutral! reader; genre: fluff; friends to lovers au, high school au, rated g wc: 0.6k+; warnings: profanity :>>

Miya Atsumu loved his school. There was no doubt about that. 

Inarizaki was like a second home to him. It paved the way for him to meet his second family (that, unfortunately, included his first family, but that’s a story for another day)— his volleyball team, who would stick with him through thick and thin, no matter how unbearable he was. 

But the thing he hated the most about Inarizaki? It was most definitely the stupid general assemblies they insisted on having every week. Especially if they fell on days wherein he didn’t have morning practice.

Morning practice may be grueling. It may force Atsumu to wake up a couple hours earlier than he would like. But that was fine with him. He loved volleyball, after all, and would do anything for it. Today, however, morning practice was canceled (what the reason was, he honestly forgot), and it just so happened that the school was hosting another general assembly. Meaning he had no reasonable excuse to skip on it, bummer. 

In retrospect, general assemblies weren’t supposed to be that bad. Boring, sure, but not bad. It was just the school’s way of propagating unity and camaraderie amongst the students, even though everyone in the room knew that it wasn’t doing anything like that. 

Even more so when they forced him to do stupid shit like this. 

“Hey,” Atsumu hears as he mopes to himself, doing his dance moves halfheartedly. Why was he doing this again? Why were they forcing the entire student body to dance at 7:00 AM in the morning again? And to such a childish song too, what was it called? Girl in the Mirror? Ugh, all Atsumu wanted to do right now was leave. 

Well, at least he could take comfort in knowing his brother and teammates were going through the same suffering right now. 

“Hey!” The hushed voice says, snapping Atsumu out of his thoughts, and he turns his head to meet you, the class president, looking at him sternly. “Do it properly, Miya.”

Funny. Atsumu thinks to himself, watching as you actually put effort into doing the ridiculous dance properly. In a way, it was kind of cute. “And why should I do that, prez?”

You glare at him, and Atsumu finds himself grinning. You and Atsumu have been classmates since freshman year and were polar opposites. Whereas Atsumu was outgoing, athletic, and energetic, you were more introverted, book smart, and calm. You two were from two opposite sides of the spectrum, yet somehow got along enough to have a pretty nice friendship if Atsumu were to say so himself. 

“Do you want to get scolded by the discipline committee?” You hiss, eyes diverting towards the group of students and teachers with a red band circling their arms, watching over the students as if they were hawks. 

“Hmm,” Atsumu hums, taking a glance at them, before turning back to you, smirking. “So, should I be dancing like this?”

Atsumu honestly doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but he dances with a bit more effort, exaggerating his movements just to get a rise out of you. And it works. You look at him with worried eyes, trying to nudge him to actually calm down and dance like everyone else— normally. 

Your reactions are charming, adorable even, to the point where Atsumu wants to see more of it. He doesn’t know when it started, but somehow he had found himself drawn to being more playful with you than he was with others. He found himself acting more child-like (even though his brother and team would argue that he was already child-like, to begin with) around you, wanting to see your care and kindness towards him.

It made him feel special, and he craved more. Maybe someday he would find a word to these uncontrollable feelings, but for now, he would simply enjoy playing with you while you danced to this stupid song. 

Maybe these general assemblies weren’t so bad after all. 

© yumeyooa 2021. All rights reserved. Copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform aside from a03 and tumblr or by any means is NOT permitted and will be dealt with accordingly.

➢ general taglist (send an ask to be tagged!): @mirakeul​​ @loveinhaikyuu​

[waybrights]

the long awaited (not rlly ahdbajd) lore post about how the band's dynamic and relationships fluctuate throughout the eight (?) years the fic follows!!!

(so, i realise that in the show, they're 13 in 2019/20 but i kinda forgot abt that when i was making this au so the band starts blowing up in 2013 when, canonically they would've been like 5 so i accidentally aged them all up and now they're 20)

2013 - they're 13 and very close to falling apart as a group. the only thing keeping them together is the fact that they wouldn't rlly have anyone else to go to. the leader is clearly sasha and the other two kinda do what she says. ofc anne argues w her a lot, because she's fed up with the way her and marcy are treated and how all their ideas are chucked out the window. eventually, i think sasha crosses a line (maybe smth like in the show, she keeps anne out instead of letting her go home to her bday party) and anne decides that it's time for them to go their separate ways.

however, they get thrown into fame and suddenly there is no chance of them breaking up the band and going their separate ways. so they're practically forced to stay together and have to pretend to get along for the public. ofc sash and anne rlly don't like it, but they try. though, it usually ends up in arguments or snide remarks that get under the other's skin and marcy having to come between them and settle it. leading to even more strain on their friendship.

2014 - somehow, it's got worse. anne and sasha weren't on talking terms for half the year due to a falling out over costumes that got a bit heated. marcy was constantly flitting between the two, trying desperately to make amends because people were starting to notice the tension when they did interviews. ofc they tried to keep up the 'we're besties' thing, but even that was quickly falling apart. it doesn't help that the entire time, sasha has been trying to control everything the band does from songs, to how they stand on stage.

both of them kept asking for the band to break up, w sasha saying she would rather go solo than perform w anne, but the idea got shot down p early on due to them being one of the biggest teen bands in the world, so they kinda just, force themselves to make up. and it's awkward for a while, but at least they aren't arguing over every single thing and marcy doesn't have to chose who she's going to hang out w that day. but then that all goes down the drain when sasha has a major falling out w their manager (hop pop) over smth p trivial but ofc it ends up blowing up and everyone ends up taking sides creating a split between both the band and the bts team.

2015 - i think this is when they reach their breaking point and the band goes on an unexplained 'hiatus' for a year, all their concerts get cancelled and they don't produce any music and it seems none of the girls are w eachother (via social media). they go through an unofficial break up. it had actually been initiated by marcy because she simply couldn't deal w the stress of trying to hold the band together anymore and decided it was a good idea for them to split (it also helped that she was closest to the head of their label so she managed to convince him to let them go)

the three hardly talk during their break, i think they're all angry at eachother (marcy w both of them and anne and sasha w each other) so they just decided to steer clear of having to talk to them. during this time sasha does release a solo album and it actually gets quite big because its very obviously her own thoughts and feelings and everyone can tell she worked hard on it, but (and sasha also admits it) it feels like its not as good as it could've been if she was w the other two.

and i feel like that's kinda what spurs her to maybe start getting her act together! like obviously she doesn't 'change' but i think she accepts that marcy and anne are their own people and know what they want. so she ends up trying to get them back together, and it doesn't actually take the other two much convincing (they missed being together a lot more than they care to admit)

2016 - slowly, they're starting to grow closer again. they start hanging out a trio, even when they're alone. anne and sasha hardly argue and they actually think abt each other's ideas. marcy is a lot more relaxed because they don't have to mediate every convo the group has and she doesn't have to worry abt the other two saying something too serious to the other.

ofc they still fight, but they aren't as often and certainly not as messy. they wouldn't consider each other best friends, but they are friends again. i like to think they're both closer to marcy than each other, but they're getting somehwere.

however, no actual apologies were ever said (mainly from sasha ngl) and although anne and marcy like to pretend they're over it, they would still be slightly upset abt it.

2017 - this is the year of sasha's Character Development (TM) according to marcy. idk yet what makes her realise (maybe someone asking her why she's always so distant and awful to the other two, or maybe a question abt why they split up), but it's this year that it clicks for her that she's not been a great friend. so she definitely spends a long time trying to grow and work to fix her mistakes.

i feel like it's around this time she would also kinda step down from her role as the 'leader' of the band, now officially giving all three of them the same amount of control about what they make and how they do it (although, they still don't have much because of the label, but anne and marcy now have more than they did). so now they're all on equal ground and are making amends. she also stops trying to take control of eveything, esp things that are out of her hands (like where they tour and what interviews they do)

not that there aren't still arguments, there are but they never get to the point that they don't talk to each other. there is a pretty big argument between sasha and marcy, but it gets resolved quite fast!

2018 - 2019 - honestly, everything seems to be going smoothly for them. sasha and anne are growing closer (and they're both trying to ignore that weird feeling they get in their stomachs when they get too close in rehearsals/concerts), all three of them are hanging out almost all the time, if one of them is around the other two are close by.

i think they also start opening up to each other around this time, not that they didn't before, but with the amount of problems they had, it wasn't exactly easy to talk abt super personal stuff. but they start, and i think it was anne that started it, she's always been the most open w her emotions and it just increases the closer they get. she also manages to get both marcy and sasha to open up a bit!

2020 - by this time, i think they pretty much consider each other best friends again (well, more for sasha and anne, but they haven't exactly realised they like each other yet. marcy has though and they're tired of the pining at this point).

and i dont want to say anything else because this is where the fic pics up!!! it was super fun trying to work all this stuff out sbsbbssh, it isn't all like 100% set in stone, some stuff is liable to change but pls feel free to ask any questions!!! thank u all for reading this far and i hope u enjoyed some sats au lore <3

[princehrry-writings]

Friends Don't

ahhhh, i hope you love it!! please send in requests!! let me know what you think, and if you like it maybe share with your friends?

wordcount: 3226

warnings: mentions of alcohol, maybe swearing? tbh I don't think anything else.

we love a good bff's to lovers :)

All Harry did was shrug him off and say his final goodbyes- heading back out to his car that he had been in not more than 20 minutes ago when he arrived to have dinner with Jeff, and followed the gravitational pull that always seemed to lead back to you.

or

Harry is your best friend that you're in love with, but neither of you will admit it.

.

.

.

.

“What are you doing here, it’s the middle of the fucking night H?” It was cold, too cold to stand there on your front porch in nothing but a big teeshirt and shorts. The smile on his face was cheeky, but when was it not with him.

“Just wanted to stop by, that’s all. Got bored…” He said and you sighed, shaking away the blush that wanted to creep up your neck. His hair was a bit messy and his clothes were wrinkled, like he’d been tossing and turning in them. He made his way into your house after you stepped aside to let him in and made himself comfortable like he always does when he comes over.

With a huff, he collapsed on your living room couch, you following in suit and cuddling into his side. It wasn’t uncommon for you to find yourself here in this position. The middle of the night was usually a time when Harry’s mind ran wild, you weren’t much different. Usually, it was the man himself plaguing your mind, but you’d never tell him that.

It’s ok, he’d never tell you that you were the reason he kept himself up at night either.

“Wanna go lay down?” You asked quietly, fidgeting with the rings on your best friend’s hand as the other tangled itself in your hair just the way he knew would relax you. A soft hum arose from him and you nodded, reluctantly separating your bodies and treading up to your room. Harry felt like he spent more nights here than at his own house.

-

Harry’s phone buzzed beside him, pulling his attention away from whatever Jeff had been talking about for the last 5 minutes. A message from you sat there on his screen asking if he wanted to come over and have a movie night and order take out. Another message popped up a few seconds later adding “I have wine 😏” and a smile crept onto his cheeks, something he was never able to control when it came to you. There wasn’t much you couldn’t get him to do, it was something about you that fascinated him. He felt safe with you, safe enough to do anything. He didn’t have to worry about something being leaked to the press or worse- being made fun of by you. He quickly typed back a reply saying he’d be there in 20 minutes and to call in the order to your favorite place not far from your house so he could pick it up on the way. Jeff finally stopped talking as Harry caught his attention, telling him he had to go.

“Wait what? We just got here, we haven’t even ordered yet! Where are you going?” Harry shrugged and said something came up and he had to go but the look in his eyes told Jeff everything he needed to know.

“So you’re leaving me to go see the girl you claim you’re not in love with?” A blush crept up Harry’s neck and onto his face, turning so the man couldn’t see it. With a shake of his head and a cough to clear the lump that had gathered in his throat, he turned back to his friend sitting in front of him.

“She’s my best friend, m’not in love with her!” He defended, wondering which one of them he was trying to convince more and pushing that thought to the back of his mind. The sound of Jeff scoffing, he swore, could be heard from outside the restaurant they were at right now, and the pointed look being directed at Harry was enough to make him want to shrink back into himself just to get away from it.

“H… I hate to break it to you, but friends don’t cancel other plans just to see each other…” Somewhere in his mind, Harry knew that- but that was a thought for another time. Right now, he was just focusing on making it to your house with your guys’ favorite takeout food and cuddling up to you on your couch or in your bed to watch movies he wouldn’t be paying any attention to in favor of watching your eyes light up during your favorite scenes, and drinking what some would say is a little too much wine for a Thursday evening. The two of you didn’t have to worry about that part though- you always had Fridays off.

All Harry did was shrug him off and say his final goodbyes- heading back out to his car that he had been in not more than 20 minutes ago when he arrived to have dinner with Jeff, and followed the gravitational pull that always seemed to lead back to you.

-

Loud music and large crowds were something Harry was accustomed to, he’d spent the majority of his teen years and all of his adult life around them, in the middle of them. What he wasn’t used to was you being there with him. He’d convinced you to have a night out with him and a friend that was in town and you hesitantly said yes. The two of you didn’t go out in public together very often, and when you did it was always very meticulous. You showed up separately, acted like you didn’t know each other, and tried to stay away from as many prying eyes as you possibly could. It wasn’t that Harry didn’t want to be seen with you or even that you didn’t want to be seen with him- it was just better for the both of you that your friendship stay out of the public eye. It was better for your job and it made things easier in your personal life as well. The last thing Harry wanted was for the media to start making rumors and for his fans to start ripping you apart like they had been known to do in the past.

The club you guys were at was very exclusive, and you had followed the same protocol of showing up at different times as to not be seen walking in together. You had sworn you’d never been around so many A-list celebrities in your entire life and you were starting to feel a little overwhelmed at all the people you knew of in the room, all the faces you’d seen so many times before only through a screen. You didn’t have much time to panic as Harry was whisking you off to meet the friend he’d told you about that was here. A very familiar Irish accent piqued your ears as you got closer to the bar near the back of the crowded room, a head of brown hair, that in your mind should still be blond, peaking out amongst the people surrounding him. Of course, out of all the friends he has, it had to be Niall Horan he was talking about. Someone that you were very familiar with. Niall had always been your favorite in One Direction and you made sure you reminded Harry of that every chance, uh sorry, every chonce you got.

Memories of the two of you sitting in your car as a 1D song came on the radio and you shushing him as Niall started singing- reminding him that this was “the best part” and turning it up louder than it really needed to be flashed through your mind and you tried your hardest to fight the blush creeping up your neck as you stopped in your tracks, halting both of you from going any further. You shot him a glare and it took everything in you not to slap that smirk off of his face.

“Really? And you didn’t even warn me? What the fuck H?” If your heart wasn’t racing before, it certainly was now at the thought of meeting Niall Horan. You didn’t even freakout this hard when you met Harry for the first time. That encounter seemed like it was yesterday and 100 years ago all at the same time.

“M’a little hurt you didn’t freak out over me like this, love! What does he have that I don’t?” Faking offense, his hand coming up to hold his chest as if you’d actually hurt him. You scoffed and pushed his shoulder away, fully prepared to run and hide in the bathroom the rest of the night. You freaked out over Harry in a different way. One that you didn’t let him ever see. And sure- maybe you went home after the first time you met and screamed your head off to your best friend in your hometown- but he didn’t need to ever know that. But now here you were, 20 feet away from Niall fucking Horan, your teenage celebrity crush, and you didn’t know if you were gonna make it to see tomorrow.

Why you were so freaked out about meeting him you weren’t quite sure. Maybe it was that he was one of Harry’s closest and oldest friends and you wanted him to like you (for reasons you weren’t ready to admit to yourself, let alone Harry) or maybe it was merely the fact that you spent the entirety of your high school career with pictures of him on your wall and on the front of your school binder.

“I’m gonna die tonight…” You muttered to yourself as Harry began dragging you behind him once again, over to the open bar stools next to Niall.

“Oi there he is!” The Irishman turns to see the pair of you, pulling Harry into a long overdue hug.

“Hey mate,” The smile on Harry’s face is one you don’t get to see often as it only comes out when he feels a weight lift off his shoulders. You knew seeing Niall was something he’d been looking forward to, although you didn’t quite know it was Niall until less than 2 minutes ago. Sometimes life gets to be a little too much and having someone that gets it like Niall does is important. You could only offer so much as you had no idea what it was like to walk in his shoes.

“You must be the famous Y/N this guy never stops yappin’ about!” The smile is replaced by a flush you’ve seen plenty of times before. He almost looks like a dog with his tail between his legs as he flicks the brunets forehead.

“Aye, no need for that,”

“I guess that’s me!” You say with a smile, expecting for Niall to extend his hand. He, instead, pulls you into a bone crushing hug that you know 14 year old you would have died for, but current you can’t help but wish it was Harry’s arms wrapped tightly around your body like this. He hugs you like this all the time, if not tighter, but it doesn’t seem like you could ever get enough of the man with green eyes standing next to you with that lopsided smile sewn onto his face.

“M’ Niall, it’s nice to meet you!”

---

Ok. Maybe those last two shots of tequila Niall had talked you into weren’t the best idea. Maybe, dragging Harry out to the dance floor when you were just drunk enough to tell him anything wasn’t the best idea. Maybe you didn’t really care right now because the feeling of his hands on your body in a way that wouldn’t be considered platonic was too good to do anything about.

Drunk you has been known to almost spill a certain 8-letter phrase that sober you would rather keep to herself. Drunk you wishes you could get over yourself and just say it, so every time- like clockwork- you get close to his ear and begin the little phrase. But somehow, by some magical happenstance, an outside force steps in. Almost as if the universe is trying to tell you something. You just can’t figure out if it means don’t tell him at all or don’t tell him like this.

Just as you felt yourself lean in and brush your lips against the outer shell of his ear Niall showed up out of nowhere letting us know he was heading to the bathroom and joking about how if he wasn’t back in 20 minutes to call security.

“What was that you were about t’say love?” He leaned in close to your ear as you had done to him not even 30 seconds ago before you were interrupted. In his inebriated state, it sounded more like “wha’ was tha’ ya were abou’ t’say love,” as he always talked a little sloppier when he’d had a few drinks. He says that when he bit the end of his tongue off that it got rid of his little lisp but it didn’t really. He’s just never sober enough to remember.

“I-uh, I don’t remember now,” You giggled, playing it off as drunken rambling. He nods, pulling you closer, if that was possible at this point, and swaying back and forth off beat to the music. His arms wrap tightly around your waist, face buried in your neck where he felt most at home. Your arms find purchase wrapped around his neck, your head placed gently atop his. To any wandering eye, it would seem as if the two of you were in love with each other.

-

Someone leaked pictures of your night out to the media. Harry doesn’t even bother to knock as he barges into your house to see you wandering around your kitchen putting things away, acting like you had no idea that the whole world thought you were dating your best friend. Because you didn’t. Your phone had been off all day in favor of getting things done around the house.

“Love, please don’t be mad…”

“Why, what did you do?”

“Have y’not seen?”

“...Seen what, H?”

“Shit,” He muttered under his breath, walking closer to you. He looked like a dog with his tail between his legs. You only grew more suspicious as he pulled his phone out, swiping around until he found what he was looking for.

A cold sweat broke out over your body, throat suddenly dry, heart beginning to race. What you were seeing was a picture of you and Harry with your hands all over each other on the dance floor of the club you were at last Friday night. Your name was attached to the tweet along with Harry’s, obviously, along with other pictures of the two of you together from that night. You felt a little sick.

You were angry that you let your guard down in public but all of your feelings of anguish and sickness washed away when you saw the look of pure fear in Harry’s eyes. He was absolutely terrified that you were going to push him away after this. His mind raced from all of the possibilities. He was terrified to lose you.

“I didn’t mean for this t’happen, pet. Promise! M’so sorry, I-” You shut down his worry, gently placing your hand on his cheek, brushing your thumb under his eye.

“Hey, I know. It’s ok. It’s ok.” You pulled him into your arms, wrapping yourself around him tightly. He melted into you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. This is where he felt most at home. Safe in the arms of the girl he loves. His heart sinks at the idea that she would never know. He doesn’t know if he could live with the idea of you meeting someone else. Holding someone else the way you're holding him now. Tightening his grip on your waist, he pulls his head away from your neck, resting his forehead against yours.

“Y/n… I- god why is it so hard f’me t’say this.” He stumbles over his words, trying to find the courage to say what he’s been waiting for so long to tell you.

“Say what, Haz?” You whispered, heart picking up speed. Your fingers gently brushed away a stray curl that had fallen into his eyes.

He was quiet for a beat, looking anywhere but your eyes. When he finally did make eye contact, your breath caught in your throat. His eyes held a look you had seen so many times before. A look you told yourself didn’t mean anything so many times that for a moment, you almost believed it.

“The way I feel about you…” He whispered. This time, it was his hand that gently met your cheek, thumb brushing under your eye. His eyes flitted back and forth between your lips and your irises.

“Baby, for so long I tried to tell myself that there was nothing here. That we really were just good friends, but we both know…” His voice didn’t raise any higher as he said this. You could feel his hand shaking on your cheek. You held his wrist, returning his intense gaze and nodding your head subtly.

You did know. You hadn’t quite realized that he knew too, but you knew you certainly did. Maybe it was a good thing that someone leaked those pictures.

“Y/n, my darling Y/n… I love you.” Tears welled in your eyes as it felt like the weight of the galaxy had just been lifted from your shoulders.

“I know you do,” Your voice broke, trying to keep the happy tears at bay,” And I love you too.”

He closed the already minuscule distance between the two of you, matching his lips to yours. He poured everything he had ever felt for you into this kiss, holding you even tighter against him. You gave him everything you had and more, hoping that this kiss would be enough to truly tell him how you felt. I love you just isn't big enough. There aren’t enough words in all of the languages combined to truly describe the way you feel about the man kissing you right now.

You fit perfectly together, like one soul that's been split in two and destined to reunite over and over again throughout time. You truly believe you’ve fallen in love with Harry many times before, in different lives, as different people. The connection was just too pure for that not to be the case.

He broke the kiss, both of you gasping for air, him muttering, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” between every breath and wiping away the tears that had managed to escape onto your cheeks.

“What are we gonna do?” You asked after you’d both caught your breath.

“Well, first things first, I think I have a question to ask you…” He trailed, a gentle smirk pulling onto his face.

“M’love, will you be my girlfriend?” You beamed, looking into the green eyes before you, nodding your head more prominently.

“Yes,” You giggled as he cut you off with a kiss. His hands roamed the span of your back, cheekily dipping below your waistline, onto your ass. He rubbed his hands around before you playfully slapped them away, not being able to swipe the smile off your aching cheeks.

“We’ll figure this out, together. As long as I have you, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. We’ll take it one step at a time.” He says with an adoring smile.

The rest of the world doesn’t matter, you decide. You have him. And he’s all you need.

[seraphdarlimg]

wish I were (pt3)

 harry appreciates reader in his speech but finally talks to her when she runs off crying

part 1

‘heather’ by conan gray WARNINGS - ANGST, swearing WORDCOUNT - 3,501

_________________________________________________________

   My head was empty while I appreciated the company of a glass of wine and city view of the venue. I leaned against the railing of the small balcony nook I found, away from the crowd of people as Bowie was played faintly through the speakers.

I arrived to the party alone. Even if our relationship is awkward at the moment, I couldn't miss his birthday. Especially if it feels like it would be the last one I attend for a while. It took me only a few seconds to find him talking to his management team, a conversation that I didn't want to interrupt. And for the next twenty minutes I find myself isolated from everyone. Maybe because I know the relationship topic would inevitably come up at one point during any conversation I join into. But also because I didn't know how to approach Harry himself anymore. I can't bring myself to start the conversation, but for him, it seems like everything is good and normal.

I promised myself to only one glass of wine, so when I finished that rather quickly then intended, I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. As much as I've been trying to think like Harry and feel completely normal again, I hated how much our relationship has effected me. No matter how many times I've told myself that it's better this way, I've avoided hanging out with mutual friends to keep away from a conversation about Heather.

I took a deep breath and turned around, looking into the venue to catch Harry smiling and nodding to Gemma. One arm across his chest while his cheek rested against the other. He looked too good this evening, wearing a worn vest and matching bell bottom pants. I allowed myself to stare till his eyes glanced in my direction and catch mine.

I soften when his smile grows wider and he excuses himself away from the conversation. "For some reason, I'd knew you'd come here when we checked out the space." He says as he walks out into the balcony. "Almost had a reservation sign put up with your name on it."

He engulfs me in a hug, nuzzling his face into my neck. I slowly wrapped my arms around him and find myself resting my head on his broad shoulder when I realize this was our first hug in weeks. Oh how much I missed this feeling.

"I appreciate the thought but damn, am I thought obvious?"

"Oh I just know you too well and you love me for it."

I feel goosebumps, finding ourselves though pulled away, still in each other's arms while I smile up at him. I hummed In response before holding up a finger and turning to get the small box in my purse. When I turn back around he has a sly smirk on his face as he looks at the box wrapped with a yellow bow I hold out to him.

"Happy birthday Harry. I wanted to give this to you in person." He takes the box and unwraps the ribbon and opens it. I hold my breath, watching his reaction as he stares at a familiar string of pearls. He runs his fingers through them, a look of admiration set on his face as I twiddled my fingers.

"I always let you wear mine so I just thought you'd like a pair of your own."

"You know me well too."

"And you love me for it." I chuckled, immediately turning around and looking out onto the view as he situates himself next to me, the box once again closed and held tightly in his hands. "I'll wear these till I wear them out. Oh! We'll wear them at the same time like friendship necklaces." He tells me, giving me a side hug and squeezing my arm.

I laughed at the thought, "Only we could make friendship necklaces out of pearls worth hundreds of dollars."

We stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying each other's company. The elephant in the room knows it's been a few weeks since the last time we shared a moment alone. I'm just not sure how he feels about the reason why.

"Shouldn't you go back out there? Supposed to be a good host." I nudged his shoulder with mine, not wanting to take him away from his party and not knowing how much I could take how hard my chest is beating at the same time.

"Well you're here. Almost thought you wouldn't show since you're weren't early."

"Can't I be fashionably late for once?"

"Glad you are though, bubs. Honestly was about to spend the night a sad man when Heather canceled."

Here we go, the one topic I dreaded would come up. Of course it would be with him when it does. "Oh. Uh she isn't here?"

"No yeah she ehm. She left yesterday for Paris. Last minute gig she booked." He shrugged it off like it was not a big deal, but he's playing with the yellow ribbon in a way that tells me otherwise.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure she'll make it up when she get's back." He scoffs, undoing the bow he just made with the ribbon. "If by 'make up' you mean a few hours in bed before she jet sets to Milan for a few months then yeah."

"Harry, you should tell her that you want her here."

"No, no it's fine. She can do whatever she wants, it's her career."

"It's also your birthday. Shouldn't girlfriends or whatever you two are right now care about that stuff?" I sighed, gently taking away the ribbon and box from him, wrapping it back while he turns and rests his back on the railing, crossing his arms and facing the entrance back into the venue. "That's the thing, I don't know what she wants out of this. I never did even when we were really together. When we were, it's so picture perfect and then when we'd get busy with our own lives, it's just so on and off. We blamed it on bad timing and long distance in the end but now that I think about it, we didn't know where to go from there."

"Do you know what you want now?"

"I think I do."

I tilted my head, growing frustrated but kept my tone calm. "Then why don't you just talk?"

"Ugh you know I'm not a confrontational person bubs." He finally looks at me, seeing me roll my eyes while he laughs it off. I shake my head, tapping on the box as he reaches out to rub my arm. "You're a dummy, Harry."

"Why do you call me that?"

I glanced at him, shrugging. "What do you mean?"

"What happened to 'H' hmm? Been calling me Harry for a while." Though his tone was lighthearted, his brows are furrowed and I can feel his intense stare.

"It's your name isn't it?"

"Obviously, but...I don't know, never mind-"

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." We suddenly hear from inside, making us both turn at the same time to see Jeff holding a cake and a crowd gathered around him, slowly walking towards the balcony where the birthday boy was. His smile grows back and we exchange a look before I hand him back my present and walk back in towards the celebration.

                                                           ***

"Well, I am a man of a few words... but a good comedian doesn't repeat the same joke two years in a row. Ehm, I'm gonna do what I know best which is to spew whatever I feel from in here and hope it sounds somewhat poetic." He laughs a little at his own joke, making little hand gestures and smiling when he gets the laughs and smiles back from his words. His eyes stray to the people in front of him and to the side in thought at times, but he makes the effort to look at his friends, family members and co-workers who he is ultimately grateful for. My eyes soften at his toothy grin, knowing I look like a complete fool as I stare at him in complete adoration despite it being completely obvious how enamored I am for this man.

He gives short thank you's to the his band members and relatives he's grown close too. I laugh at his awkward jokes but also the narcissistic ones he makes that boost his confidence a bit. He has one thing prepared to say for everyone that makes them melt. "Thank you Jeff for having to deal with me another year as well, while you do look after me I am always appreciative of how you act more as an old grandpa than a dude in a business suit."

"I also want to thank Heather..."

My smile dies down a bit, knowing he would want to say something about her even when she isn't here. What made my chest hurt once again was the realization that he hadn't said anything about me yet. I had anticipated it, wondering what he would say but he had skipped right over me. I placed my hand on my knee to keep it from shaking as Harry said her name instead.

"I'll just text her later but I wanted to thank her for allowing me to write about her and being an overall beautiful person."

Thinking his speech was over and accepting how little I meant to him, he finally calls my name. I froze for a bit, looking up at him to see him already looking at me. He paused a bit, an amused look on his face when he sees how caught off guard I was.

"I saved the best for last for two reasons, one because she looks adorably silly right now..." He chuckles when I save myself with an eye roll and stuck my tongue out at him.

"And two, because I knew it'll be harder for me to come up with the words to describe how important of a person you are to me."

The curiosity and need to know what he would say about me, as well as the internalized emotional stress grew. His tone was softer and he seemed more calmer than he was a few minutes ago. The sentence already began making my heart pump and ache, and the recent events that had shaken up our relationship almost thrown out the window when he continued.

"You're so good to me and I can't thank you endlessly enough for everything you've done for the past year since I hired you. Not only was it the best decision I ever made because of how talented you are, but it also gave me the opportunity to really know someone like you. I was in a bad place when you met me and I'll never forget the kindness and patience you showed me even then. And though you call me a 'boomer' so many times and constantly come up with better melodies than me, it's worth every witty joke and bad pun just to see a smile that lights up the room. Your friendship is worth every time you complain about my kale chips."

His eyes were caught on mine from the beginning, both his hands are holding his wine glass though he held confidence in his speech. It felt like just us two in the room, his words giving tone of a very intimate moment shared between two bestfriends. I bit my bottom lip, can't seeming to stop smiling.

"And though you'll be off writing more amazing music with different amazing artists - only temporarily - know that I'll always be rooting for you and always will be -"

He breaks eye contact for a moment, but that moment was enough. "- will be uhm, proud of you." His smile grows ten times wider and he sounds relieved when he looks off onto the entrance of the venue as someone arrives. His eyes go back and forth, distracted but wanting to finish what he had left to say.

"Through thick and thin, love, you always were able to be there for me."

At that point he was fully looking at the person who arrived and I didn't have the guts to turn around to see who it was. My smile instantly dies and the warmth in my chest was just filled with a familiar pang that hasn't left all this time.

Because there she was, though out of breath and all over the place, just looked perfect as she grins and mouths 'happy birthday' to him while he haphazardly continues empty compliments that are now meant for her. My vision is blurry but my eyes are stuck on the actual person he deems important in his life. This lovely being who canceled last minute but makes it in time so he'd be truly happy.

He meant to say all of it to her. You just happened to be here when she wasn't. He doesn't love you like he loves her and he never will. He never had.

It was hard looking back at him, already knowing the way he looks at her. It was deja vu. She shows up and he's instantly mesmerized.

But I did and it suddenly was all too much. Because he glanced at me when he was saying his last words, seeing me silently cry in the middle of the crowd and looking distraught. And it all grew too claustrophobic, needing to get away and leave because all I felt now was anger.

"Hey, you okay?" Gemma asks, her brows furrowed in concern. I force a smile and nodded before excusing myself. "Yeah, just fine."

                                                         ***

 I pushed open the door and quickly walked out of the lobby and onto the parking lot, ignoring the distant calls of my name that grew louder and louder. I hugged my coat, trying to breathe but grew more frustrated with the growing ache in my chest. I sobbed, knowing he was catching up and didn't have the energy to deal with him right now.

"Hey, what happened - are you okay?" Harry had took hold of my arm, turning me around and all I could do was push him away. "Bubs, talk to me please."

"Stop, please I'm so tired and I physically can't be near you." I softly said, not bothering to wipe away tears anymore. He looks confused and I only scoffed at him, crossing my arms and moving back when he stepped closer, holding out his.

"What do you mean? Please let me- you're crying." He tries coming closer but I shake my head, dodging his embrace because I knew I would instantly melt.

"Yes, I'm crying! I've been crying and hurting all month because of you Harry!" I cried and he instantly freezes. "You keep doing this shit and all this time I've been coming up with excuses for it. That- I don't know, maybe that you can't help what you're feeling or that I really can't blame you- but now I do! Because you know exactly what you're doing and it's so shitty that I had to realize it this late."

"W-what are you talking about?" He's nervous.

"Oh shut the fuck up you know exactly what I'm talking about. You've avoided actually talking ever since we kissed, even before Heather came back into the picture. You completely pushed me to the side the second she gave you her attention and ever since then our whole relationship has changed Harry! And either you're so fucking oblivious or too much of a coward to face it because you just acting like everything was fine and normal broke my fucking heart even more. It obviously meant so little to you but fuck, it-"

I took a deep breathe only resorting to another sob as I placed a hand over my heart. "It meant so much to me."

I see him crying too, fumbling with his fingers and trying to hold those tears in only to lose some as he's stood still, not knowing what to do. He's guilty, his need to hold me and cry gives it away but I couldn't allow him that. And he knows it's something he doesn't deserve.

"I would of understood Harry. That you didn't feel the same fireworks and butterflies like I did when we kissed - as cliché as it fucking is. That you've fallen in love with Heather when she came back because I honestly still can't blame you for that, she's an angel. That you can't control who you love, but you never said anything. You just lead me on and didn't talk to me - why didn't you just fucking talked to me Harry, aren't we supposed to be best friends?"

He's now only inches away from me, taking hold of my hands because I was too worn out to even pull them back. "Yes! Yes, we are and I'm a stupid idiot. I'm sorry I- I should of just been upfront with you but I was so confused- and I still am. I just- I meant everything I said earlier and more because I'm always thinking about you bubs-"

I laugh at this shaking my head, not allowing anymore hope to built up. "I am! Mitch and Jeff are so fucking tired of hearing about it, but honestly so was I. But only because Heather was still in my heart and I just didn't know what to do or wanted and please believe me, I never ever wanted to hurt you."

"Why did you kiss me then?" I broke out of his hold, stepping back once again.

"I don't know darling, It just felt right and I didn't think. I-I just thought you'd leave if you knew I wasn't sure."

"Being honest about it with your supposed best friend was going to make it worse?"

"I just...I didn't want to lose you."

"But what now? you got her back, so what am I to you now? Was I supposed to be your distraction, the only option left for you to turn to? Because you fully well know that I'd drop everything I was doing just to comfort you when you were low Harry. I canceled set plans and promises because you simply asked me too, and I did since I'd always foolishly put you first because I thought you'd genuinely liked me."

"Bubs-"

"Don't. Harry you can't just put me on the side and come back to me later on if your relationships don't work out, that's not fucking fair! Ever since we met all I've been getting from you are mixed signals and I couldn't confront you about it because you'd always avoid the topic, making me feel damn silly for even thinking that way. It's just-  you can't build up expectation of something between us simply because I'm the safe second option - fuck that hurts saying that."

"I- I didn't mean to make you feel that way-"

"Bullshit. You knew exactly what you were doing Harry. You're just to arrogant to own up to it. So fucking immature, all you had to do was talk!"

"Okay, okay I'm sorry let's talk, please! Don't walk away like this, we can talk now and fix this."

"No. You only want to talk now because it's convenient for you. That's the thing Harry."

"Stop-"

"You say you didn't want to hurt me, but you didn't want to hurt yourself first. And I just- I just hate how long it took me to realize how mean you are Harry."

"Don't call me Ha- you don't mean that."

"I do! and you know it too." He's struck by it and I'm giving up. Hurt is evident in his face and it doesn't feel good to make him sad, but now all I feel is disappointment and pity for myself.  

"Since you couldn't have the balls to talk to me, I just always really wanted to tell you that I love you. Really fucking love you. As if you didn't already know, but... I guess it never really even mattered."

He calls my name deflatingly when I turn around, walking away. His last attempts of apologizing and begging for me to come back to him drift off into empty words that I block out as I stepped into my car and drove away. The time it takes for me to drive felt like days pass, but now turned to seconds when I turned off the engine and idled inside. I was still crying, still processing, all while replaying our last moment together. The one spent on the floor of the recording studio with a makeshift picnic before I spend the next days erasing it from my memory.

I sent him a text before going inside, turning off my phone right afterwards to avoid the rest of the incoming calls and text messages begging to fix what was left of us.

'I'll email you the lyrics to the last song tomorrow. Then I'm done.'

____________________________________________________________

A/N: i’m hurting. but this is the second to last chapter of this mini-series, pt4 is the finale and will be out soon :)

[moralesispunk]

How they tell you they love you

This ended up quite long so I do apologise!

Including: Frankie, Din, Marcus M, Javier, Whiskey, Dave, Ezra, Oberyn and Marcus P

Frankie - 

Frankie had known that he was in love with you for a while before he said anything. He had been avoiding relationships - working in the Special Ops wasn’t exactly the easiest job for maintaining one - and that’s why when he met you he tried his hardest to stop himself from falling for you, even though he knew he was. He knew it every time he looked in your eyes, or watched you smile, or heard your voice when you answered the phone. In a few weeks time he would have to go away for a couple of months for work and he would only be able to talk to you through emails whenever he got access to the computer. You had told him that you didn’t want to finish what you had just because he was going away but he couldn’t help the fears that were taking over his whole body. What if you realised you didn’t actually like him when he was away? What if you met someone who you better deserved? What if he scared you off when he came home and had to deal with the nightmares that were always worse when he got back? 

That night, as he kissed you good night and felt you fall asleep in his arms, the fears took over once again. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing but the thoughts wouldn’t stop. You stirred in his arms and he opened his eyes to look down at you and suddenly all his thoughts were silenced. He watched the way your eyebrows were furrowed and he wondered what you were dreaming about. He knew in this moment he had to tell you before he got scared again. He gently shook you awake, watching as you opened your eyes, searching until you found his. “Frankie, honey, everything okay?” you asked in your sleepy voice as your propped yourself up on your elbow to look at him. “Everything’s fine. I just- I just had to tell you something,” he said, turning so he was now fully facing you, “I love you”. He watched as a sleepy smile took over your face and how you slowly leaned in to give him a kiss. You pulled away just enough to look in his eyes, “I love you, Frankie”. He couldn’t stop the smile that took over his face as he pulled you back into his arms for you both to fall asleep knowing that he didn’t have to worry anymore.

Din - 

Din showed and said he loved in other ways a long time before he actually said those three words. It started with him helping you out, sitting with you and helping while you sorted out the compartments of the Crest to make it more organised. It then moved to taking any excuse to touch you in someway, brushing his hand over your arm as he reached by you for something or letting your hands touch as you walked next to each other. Eventually, one day in the cantina he sat his hand on your leg as you eat your food before moving his arm around your shoulder when other men leered over you.

When the Kid is taken by Moff Gideon, you are part of the team that are on the rescue mission. When travelling to Moff’s cruiser, Din is planning for any outcome. While he wanted to be sure that everything would go fine - he would get the Kid and the Clan of Three would be reunited - anything could go wrong. He watched as you took apart and cleaned your blaster, trying to distract yourself from what was about to happen. He knew he loved you. He knew that was the word for what he was feeling. It wasn’t just care, it wasn’t just friendship, it was a love that filled his whole body with warmth and a feeling of security he had never felt before. You were his home. He moved to sit next to you, slowly taking your hand in his. You looked up to him, giving his hand a squeeze, “we’re going to get him back”. He looked down at you, the confidence in your eyes making him believe wholeheartedly for the first time that you would get him back with no problem. “I love you”. He said it plainly and simply and as he squeezed your hands watched the smile that broke onto your face, “I love you, Din,” whispering his name so no one else would hear.

Marcus M - 

Marcus showed you he loved you before telling you through the trust he had for you. He trusted introducing you to Missy. He trusted letting you pick her up from school that time he was running late. He trusted letting you into his heart, the first person he let inside in years. 

You and Marcus were meant to have a day to yourselves today while Missy was over at a friends but just as you arrived at their house, Marcus got a call saying Missy’s friend was sick and they would have to cancel. Marcus had told you she had been looking forward to this all week and you could see the look of disappointment in her face. You remembered the science museum you drove by on the way here and decided to offer an idea, “why don’t we all go there today?” Missy turned to her Dad, a massive smile on her face, “can we Dad?” Marcus nods and looks at you, mouthing a thank you. You all pile into his car and drive to the museum. It’s still early enough so you get in quickly and let Missy lead the way. You all stop and read the signs, interacting with everything you can. It reminds you of the science centre you used to go to when you were younger and you can’t stop smiling as you watch Missy run from exhibit to exhibit. Missy grabs your hand to take you over to something she wants to show you and when you both walk away she doesn’t let go. The two of you walk about hand in hand as Marcus walks behind, his heart swelling with how well you both get on. The last stop is the planetarium - where Marcus watches you and Missy more than he looks up at the stars surrounding you. He knows in this moment he wants to tell you how much he loves you. On the drive home, Missy falls asleep in the back of the car and he turns to you. He reaches over and takes your hand in his, watching you turn and smile at him. Before he can stop himself he whispers an “I love you” and watches as your eyes go wide before you smile, squeezing his hand, “I love you, Marcus”.

Javier

It will take a while for Javier to find the actual words. It took long enough for him to allow himself to act on his attraction for you, knowing himself that it was more than just a physical attraction. While you understood, knowing that the only other real relationship he had in his past didn’t exactly end well, you thought by now there would maybe be a little more. He would come by your apartment after it was dark and would leave before the sun came up. He would flirt with you the same way he flirted with the other women in the office (so not to let anyone find out you were together - or as together as you were). 

This morning, he woke early as usual and began to get dressed. He tried not to wake you from your sleep, knowing you still had at least another hour before you would have to get up. The sound of dropping his keys woke you, causing you to sit up. “Javier, come back to bed. Why don’t we just go in together,” you said in your sleepy voice. “You know why,” he said, sitting at the edge of the bed. He traced up your leg and side gently, before leaning down for a kiss that you turned away from. He sighed, standing and putting his jacket on before walking out. 

Knowing that you wouldn’t get back to sleep you decided to get ready and head in to work earlier than usual. When you arrived, the sun still wasn’t fully up but the place was busy with bodies moving about quickly. Messina called you into her office, asking you to go on a simple operation to where they got a tip El Leon was. You noticed Javi wasn’t in yet and so you and Murphy went together. It was anything but simple and very quickly it went south, resulting in a shot to your shoulder. It wasn’t too bad and was quickly fixed at the closest hospital. Just as the doctor was finishing up stitches, a frantic Javi bursts into the hospital. You can see him from the other side of the hall, watching as his eyes search quickly for any sign of you. Once his eyes meet yours he lets out a breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding in and quickly made his way towards you. The doctor was just walking away as Javi reached you, taking your face in his hands. You let him check you for injuries knowing he wouldn’t stop until he had, noticing the pain that flashed across his face when he seen your shoulder. He took your face back in his hands and gave you a gentle kiss, softer than any shared between you before. “I’m sorry, for everything,” he sighed, “I have to stop being so scared... I- I love you”. You placed your hands over his, “I love you, too, Javier”.

Whiskey

You and Whiskey had been getting on well, having been on more than a few dates by now. You knew you were falling for him and felt that he was feeling the same way in the way his eyes followed you, how he smiled lazily at you in the morning or how he lingered just for a moment every time he had to leave like there was something else to be said.

However, that started to change. He started to become more distant. You worried it was something that you had done wrong, or that you had looked into his actions more than was really there. In truth, it was because Whiskey was scared. The last woman he had loved had been ripped from his life and took him years to get over. He didn’t want to feel that ever again and his job made sure anyone who was close to him was at potential risk. One night, when he was having dinner at yours, you decided to ask him about it. “What? There’s nothing wrong,” he dismissed, asking you a question about work instead. “No, there is something wrong. Tell me,” you pressed. “I- I just can’t see someone else I love be hurt. I can’t let myself get close to someone like that again be taken from me,” he sighs, too caught up in his own thoughts to realise what he really said. “Someone else you what?” you whispered. His eyes widened, realising he had said the word out loud for the first time. He stood and moved round to sit next to you, taking your hands in his. “I love you,” he said, “but I don’t want anything to happen to you and that’s why I’ve been so... distant lately”. You took his face in your hands, “I love you, and nothing is going to happen to me. I’ve got the best cowboy-agent in the world as by boyfriend”.

Dave

Dave would be among the most confident in telling you about his feelings. As soon as he knew that what he was feeling for you was love he would let the words fall out of his mouth with ease.

It would be one morning as you were making breakfast, dancing about quietly thinking he was in the shower. He watches as his shirt from the night before hangs around you, looking better on you than it did on him. He smiles as you turn the radio up, singing along a little louder when one of your favourite song comes on. “Didn’t know I was getting breakfast and a show,” he interrupts. You turn around, placing your hand on your chest, “Jesus, Dave! You almost gave me a heart attack,” you scold as he chuckles, walking towards you now. “Tell me how you look better in that shirt than I do,” he hums as he wraps his arms around your waist, placing his head on your shoulder while you carry on with breakfast. You smile, turning your head to press a kiss to his lips. He knows right now how he feels and he lets the words fall out of his mouth, “I love you”. He kisses the back of your neck gently as you turn your head to meet his lips for a kiss, “and I love you, Dave”.

Oberyn

The Prince’s Garden had become you and Oberyn’s perfect place for some peace and quiet. You could just walk around the garden, holding hands in silence or quietly talking about whatever popped into your minds.

On this particular day, the sun was out and shining, making all the flowers stand a little taller. You hadn’t been talking much, enjoying the presence of one another enough for now. Every so often, he would squeeze your hand, pulling you slightly closer to steal a kiss, before continuing around the garden. You both eventually stop, sitting by the bench where you first met. You had found a poem that day that you wanted to read to him, taking it out of the book you had been carrying around. He watched you in absolute adoration, listening to every word that rolled off your tongue with such beauty and how your voice changed slightly when you smiled at the words. When you finished, you asked him what he thought. “It was beautiful. But not as beautiful as the person who read it,” he replies, making you blush. “Oberyn, you’re too kind,” you say back, reaching for his hand to squeeze gently. “I should be kind to the person I love,” he replies. Your eyes widen and as you try to find the words he turns his body to face you completely, “I love you,” he says with a smile.

Ezra - 

Ezra would have no problem telling you he loved you the minute he knew that is what he was feeling. He watches and notices how the sun changes the colour of your eyes slightly, the way the side of your eyes crinkle a little as you squint from the bright light, your hum of contentment as it warms your skin.

He feels his love for you warm his body, running through his chest and spreading everywhere else. He takes your hand in his and tells you just that, “you warm me more than the sun, hold more beauty than the moon, carry more sparkle in your eyes than the stars. I love you, little bird, and I will shout it so the sun, moon and stars and everyone else hears what I have to say”. When you tell him that you love him too he pulls you close to his chest, promising to never let you go.

Marcus P

You have been looking forward to a night in with Marcus all week. You have both been busy with work and today is the first in a while you get to relax together so planned to get some takeout and find a film to watch at his place.

When you arrive, Marcus has the menu for your favourite takeout place sitting out on the table, telling you he was having a look to see what he wanted. You smile at the thoughtfulness, knowing you probably only mentioned it was your favourite once or twice before. When the food arrives, Marcus lets you choose the film, deciding on one you told him about the other night he had never seen before. He ends up spending more time watching you than the film, noticing when you smile or try and hide your tears. At the end of the film you turn to ask him how he enjoyed it but instead he leans in, giving you the most passionate kiss, before breaking away and breathlessly telling you he loves you.