#the fic is My Heart Burns For You

[rtlstuff]

I understand that Avatar was a kids show so they had to skirt around talking about murder and all the atrocities of war. However when I'm reading an Explicit fanfiction that heavily describes villains doing murder, torture and violation, it just becomes pathetic when the good guys don't meet it with equal force.

If you know a man is going to violate and murder someone innocent, you don't fight that by smacking them with a water whip, you shoot icicles through their eyes into their brains. You don't throw a baseball sized rock at someone's back, you pancake their head between two boulders. There are many effective ways that bending would be brutal and near unstoppable but instead I'm reading a fic where they might as well be using the equivalent of water pistols to fight soldiers.

[buckysgrace]

The Importance of Updog

Part one of Closer to My Heart!

Single dad!Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader

Theo shares the new words that he's heard. Billy is late as usual.

“No,” Becky drew out, “Mermaids can’t be this color.” She snapped as she pointed towards the mixes of orange and purple on Rosa’s paper. Rosa’s nose crinkled in response. 

“Yes they can,” Rosa snapped back, looking just as frustrated, “You’re a liar.” She said quickly, pointing her finger at Becky. You quickly wiggled yourself in between, knowing that Becky liked to bite rather than argue. 

“Hold on,” You spoke up to get their attention, “This is a really good question. How can we find out what color mermaids are?” You asked them, tapping your finger against your chin as you pretended to think for yourself. You liked giving your students the opportunity to work out their issues on their own. Sometimes.

“Well-,” Becky began, only to be cut off by a loud sigh further down from the room.

“Motherfucker!”

Your eyes widened in surprise as you snapped your head around, your students following your lead as the room suddenly became quiet. You drifted your gaze towards your table of boys that usually were full of giggles and anything but dirty words. 

“Shitbiwd!” The smallest one yelling out, his dark eyebrows furrowed together as he stared angrily at the blue marker he’d been shaking in his little fists. He pouted his little lips out, looking frustrated as he tried to scribble once again. 

“Theo,” You rushed over, ignoring the sounds of the other little boys and girls gasping as you knelt down by him, “What’s wrong?” You whispered towards him, surprised that he had said such a thing. You never had any issue with him. 

Theo had been in the daycare since he was an infant. He was a big snuggler, one of your loudest gigglers and was always first in line for snack time. Hearing him curse was something new, as was seeing him so frustrated. 

“It empty,” He said in annoyance, “Wook!” He proclaimed as he tried to draw, showing off that the ink was gone. His blue eyes looked up towards you worriedly, like the world would end if he couldn’t get green down on his paper. 

“So what can we do about it?” You asked him calmly, watching the way his features slowly relaxed and his blue eyes widened. He stuck his tongue out in the same way he did when he was thinking extra hard. 

“Get a new one?” He questioned you, his blonde little curls still hanging over his forehead despite his new haircut. You figured he must’ve been outside a lot this weekend as his cheeks were full of fresh freckles. 

“Mhm,” You told him as you nodded your head, “And what can we say instead of using bad words?” You asked him casually, sure that he would come to his own conclusion. You blinked, watching as his features fell in despair. 

“I said bad word?” He asked you fearfully, his eyes filling with tears as he brought his chubby hands to his face, “Oh no!” He spit out dramatically, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. 

“It’s okay,” You reassured him quickly, feeling guilty for making him cry, “You didn’t know. You don’t have to be sad.” You rubbed at his back as he collapsed into your arms, his little shoulders shaking as he cried. 

“My daddy say -,” He started as he sniffled harshly, burying his face into the crook of your neck, “My tongue tuwn to bugs if I say bad words!” He proclaimed once again, sounding quite sure of himself. You huffed, but quickly slid your disdain for his father away. 

“Theo has bugs.” One of the other little boys began to whisper, followed by a little course of giggles from your three and four year olds. You shook your head as Theo whimpered into your chest, as if his whole life was over. 

“Theo does not have bugs.” You told them seriously, meeting eye contact with each one until they were no longer laughing. Theo pulled his head away curiously, his skin flushed from where he’d been crying.

“My daddy lie?” He asked you in horror as you reached for a tissue, handing it to him tenderly. You bit your lip, knowing that one of the hardest parts of your job was to find the delicate balance between teaching them and sticking to the rules their parents set up. 

“No. I didn’t say that,” You clarified softly as he lightly dabbed at his eyes, “Stick out your tongue.” You told him as you sat back. He looked at you confused, his little button nose wrinkling up. 

“Huh?”

“Let’s check for bugs,” You said, tilting your head while he stuck his tongue out for you to see, “Hm.” You pretended to think as you playfully tilted his head from side to side. Zane, who sat next to him, leaned closer in curiosity. 

“Wha?” He asked, still holding his tongue out. His blue eyes were wide with fear as he kept flickering his gaze down to you. 

“All I see is up dog.” You replied as you put on a frown, dropping his chin at the same time he stuck his tongue back into his mouth. 

“What’s up dog?” He asked almost perfectly as you felt a smile form on your lips. Humor really was the best medicine. 

“Not much, dog. What’s up with you?” You grinned as you asked him the question, fingers pressing into his soft sides as he let out a loud giggle. His eyes lit up in joy, already forgetting the previous situation. 

The remainder of craft time was spent with your children telling each other the updog joke, as in their eyes you were clearly the funniest person they knew for the time being. And you were fine with that. At least they appreciated your humor. 

You passed off reading time to one of the assistant teachers, knowing that you needed to at least attempt to reach Theo’s father before the day was over. Even though you didn’t want to. You never wanted to. 

“Is Billy Hargrove there?” You asked once someone from the auto shop finally picked up, “I’m with Sunnyside-“

“Just a second.” The guy answered you before you could finish, making you feel as if you already knew where this call was heading. Billy was never pleasant when you called, always acting as if you were purposely trying to annoy him. Even though you were doing your job. 

“Yeah?” You listened to the sound of Billy’s voice a moment later. He sounded slightly out of breath, his tone raspy and uneven. You were sure his hands were probably greasy and dirty, his forehead sweaty. But you shook those thoughts away. 

“Hi,” You began, “There was an incident today at S-“ You read off the same script that had been engraved in your brain since you had started here. 

“Is Theo okay?” He interjected, “Did that Ricky boy bite him again?” He snapped, sounding as frustrated as Theo had earlier. You chewed on your bottom lip, but knew he had a fair point of being concerned with RIcky. Lucky for all of them, he no longer attended this daycare. 

“No,” You said slowly as you tried to keep your cool as you kept getting interrupted, “As I was saying, there was an incident today with Theo cursing.” You spoke a little faster in hopes that you wouldn’t get cut off this time. 

“So?” Billy scoffed as if it was no big deal. In all honesty, you did think it was sort of funny. But it was against the rules and you were just following the right steps so it didn’t look like you were stepping on anyone’s toes.

You wished you could step on Billy’s toes. Perhaps with a sharp pair of heels. Maybe he wouldn’t be so arrogant then. 

“It’s against the rules to have the children using profanity,” You replied as you rubbed at the back of your neck, trying to keep yourself from using the snarky tone that was crawling up the base of your throat, “I just had to call to keep you informed.”

“Isn’t your main rule for children to express themselves?” He asked and you swore you could feel the cocky smirk forming on his lips despite him not being here. He always wore it when he questioned you, as if you were the one that was doing something wrong. 

“I did not create the rules,” You replied sharply, “I’m just following the system so you’re up to date with the care of your child.” You spoke professionally despite the bitterness coursing through your system. Asshole. 

“Is Theo okay?” He asked a little softer, making your shoulders relax. Just a smidge. You were still on edge, feeling like he was tricking you with his gentle tone. Deep down you knew that he wasn’t. Despite your grievances towards him, he really was a good dad. Theo adored him. As did every single worker in the building. You didn’t understand the fascination.

He was always late, snippy and curled up his nose at you like you were the scum of the earth. There were many times that you wanted to remind him that he could move Theo to a different classroom if he wanted, but he never did. It was like he enjoyed torturing you. 

“He’s better now,” You responded as you nodded your head, “I just had to update before I filled out a behavior she-,” You were once again cut off, unable to finish your sentence. Perhaps that’s where the dislike came from as well.

“I’ll talk to Linda about it.” He hung up before you could respond, making you silently seethe in anger for a moment as he once again went above your head. You hoped the car grease seeped into his pretty blonde hair and ruined it. 

As usual, Billy strolled in at exactly 5:15, fifteen minutes passed when the daycare was officially closed. Something your supervisor liked to yell at you about. As if it was your fault. You’d given Billy the warnings, the reminder slips and everything above and beyond. He didn’t care and you no longer wasted your breath. You had learned to pick up your classroom at that time, to clock out and sit up front with Theo until Billy decided to arrive. 

He put out his cigarette before he entered, his curly hair loosely tied back as some strands fell in front of his forehead. He was out of his mechanic uniform, wearing a tight pair of jeans and a white tank top. You tore your gaze away from his formed biceps, distracting yourself with how many rainbows were decorated on the walls instead. 

“Daddy!” Theo proclaimed, dropping his collection of toy cars as he bolted towards Billy, “Hi!” He squealed out, a smile bursting on his face as he reached for Billy’s arms. You smiled despite yourself. Perhaps all of Billy’s best qualities had gone to his son.

“Hey, squirt,” Billy responded affectionately as he kissed the side of Theo’s head, “How was today?” He asked as he bounced him in his arms, pulling a grin on his lips.

“Fun!” He replied as he rested his cheek against Billy’s for a moment. He really was the spitting image of his father. You shook your head as you began to place his toy cars into his backpack.

“He can do that.” Billy responded, stalling your movements as you held up your hands innocently. Usually your interactions were fake smiles and the occasional good night. But that was only if you were extra annoyed with him. His presence was already making your blood boil.

“Thank you teachew,” Theo smiled happily as he waddled back towards you. You slightly wondered if Billy purposely made him forget your name, “You come back?” He asked as he tilted his head, worried as if you would suddenly disappear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, dog.” You teased him as he gave your fingers a little squeeze. He giggled, his eyes lighting up and his features bursting into joy as he turned back towards his father who looked anything but impressed. 

“Hey,” Theo ran up to him again, “I see your tongue.” He stated as he stared up at Billy, his backpack far too big for his little body. You pressed your lips together as you gathered your purse and collected yourself from the floor.

“What?”

“Please.” Theo begged as he tugged on Billy’s large hands. You kept to yourself but stayed put, knowing you couldn’t officially leave until they were gone. 

“Okay,” Billy pulled his lips together, like he was trying to keep from smiling, “What do you think?” He asked then stuck out his tongue, bending over a little bit so Theo could see better. 

“I don’t know,” Theo said as he rested his hands on his hips, “All I see is updog.” He replied, covering his mouth as he began to giggle. He was bouncing on the tips of his feet, unable to hide his excitement. 

“Updog?” Billy asked him curiously, going off script as he tilted his head to the side. He spared you a glance, but you quickly turned away from him. You offered no explanations. 

“Yeah,” Theo replied as he wrinkled his eyebrows together, “Updog!” He said sternly, his eyebrows wrinkling together once again. You debated about helping him out, but stopped in case Billy snapped at you again. 

“What’s that?”

“Daddy no,” He grumbled in frustration, “You have to say the name!”

“What’s updog?” Billy asked this time, raising an eyebrow as he waited. Theo was still grinning, the words on the tip of his tongue before it slowly fell. He wrinkled his eyebrows together, his features wrinkling into confusion as he faced you.

You met him halfway, sitting back on your knees as he raced over to you. He pouted his lips out as he gripped one of your hands, leaning against you as he stood to whisper into your ear, “How’s it go again?”

You smiled as you turned him around, still letting him hold your hand as you whispered to him, “Not much dog, what’s up with you?” He giggled as he listened before he repeated it back to Billy, laughing so hard that it was almost hard to make out the words.

“Ha,” Billy responded dryly, but his eyes crinkled in amusement as he held out his hand for Theo again, “You better get moving before we have updog for dinner.” His eyes slowly cut into yours but you turned away, having no desire to see how dumb he thought the joke was. 

“Uh oh,” Theo’s eyes widened as he quickly glanced at you before he bounced back towards Billy, “See you ‘morrow teachew!” He waved before he took Billy’s hand, rambling about his day as they left.

You used your key to lock up, ready to get home and have something strong. Perhaps a drink. Perhaps you’d eat your feelings away. Perhaps you’d buy a carton of cigarettes on the way home. The exciting possibilities were just endless. 

Your joy for the day only grew as you arrived at your car, almost jumping in joy to see the front tire that was completely lifeless and deflated of air. Perfect. Just the cherry on top that you needed. 

You turned on your heel, grumbling for the first time as you headed down the street. Looks like you’d be taking the bus. Your car could wait for later. You didn’t feel like unlocking the building and calling for anyone yet. That could wait for tomorrow. 

[fumifooms]

Namalin

Namari x Falin

Easy short rarepair spotlight post for prosperity~ This one I didn’t think of on my own for once, I don’t know if it’s just I forgot the decided-on ship name or what but I remember seeing really nice art and a couple posts about it that I can’t find again 💔 Namalin warrior you are out there and not forgotten ty for making me see the light

I like that Namari’s critical of Falin! I have a whole character analysis on Falin if you’re interested, but it’s generally well noticed that people around Falin idealize her a lot. Laios, Marcille and Toshiro all put her on a pedestral of ultimate goodness in the world, a saintess if nothing short of perfection. Sounds like Chilchuck felt sort of creeped out by her vibes, uncomfortable because he couldn’t read her, so unlike Namari it seems he preferred steering clear of her rather than debate opposed ideologies like he usually does. Makes sense if unlike Namari his issue is with her cryptic aura rather than the stances she does show. "… The dungeon is no place for soft hearts" my ultimate namalin scene <333 It’s fun because while this scene is there to show us a lot of things, mostly to establish Falin’s characters better as it’s the first flashback of her we get, the conflict in it is more than anything else Falin vs Namari in how they contrast and clash and approach situations differently. Namari wants security in swift effective violence and thinks Falin too soft for her own good when she prefers a pacifist approach and promotes compassion even for the "undeserving" in Namari’s eyes. Falin steps between the battle ready Namari and the ghost, fearless. Falin effortlessly gently exorcises the ghost without one step back, quickly. Falin proves someone wrong. Falin proves someone wrong.

I love thinking of Namari being surprised when she learns new aspects of Falin. I like Falin having the power to shape people’s views on her. With Falin ships the most fun part for me is usually that point where Falin/the relationship becomes a clean slate: the person realizes they haven’t been seeing all of her, realizes there’s more of her they hadn’t noticed or that she hadn’t shown, that there’s change, a shift in the views on each other and the dynamic a bit.

Namari often feels like an external view looking in to me… I need to make a proper analysis on her but like. I made a lamari post once (analytic more than personally invested rip sorry) and I go with the same Namari take here, I think she’s someone who tends to have an outsider view on people and relationships if that makes sense, she’s a coworker before anything else and she’s content staying at a distance, she’s not objective per se but she tries to keep feelings out of her choices and how she sees people (her lil arc on not staying to save Falin despite the existing camaderie but in the end asking to work for the Flokes more because she wants to stay with them). She’s serious no nonsense on the job but friendly off the job and likes having casual friends, but she’s not… She doesn’t really feel connected to the group. She’s so focused on doing her job, even if she does get impulsive and passionate and too assertive for her bosses’ tastes, so focused on working her reputation and life from the ground up that that professionalism and attitude limits her social life. It doesn’t help that her reputation makes her widely judged, so she probably enters social spaces on the derensive. The closest person she was to pre-canon as far as we knew was Chilchuck and even they have a very "coworker I get along with" dynamic more than friends, with a similar sense of boundaries, humor and world view. Also like canon says a few time, the party didn’t really try to get to know each other well pre-canon, didn’t hang out after work often no one knew where Marcille was from and no one thought that was weird (also how no one had the instinct to ask about Senshi’s past) etc, the notable exception is we’re shown Namari and Chilchuck hitting taverns together and having a grand time. Everyone’s fine with things as they are, they get along decent even if not everyone considers each other friends exactly. Where I’m getting at is that to me, it feels like she tries keeping emotional distance. Emotional distance from people in general being something which in my interpretation of Falin is also present, which would make it a theme and common thread interesting to explore imo. But yes like, Namari looking at Falin, and how everyone treats her, and being more skeptical, seeing her for what she is a little more, maybe even uncharitable. "Why is everyone treating her like she’s all that? She’s gentle sure but seems like a doormat to me" and then one day she comes running up with her mace ready to cave in someone’s face to protect Laios. So yeah… Keeping her distance but one day Falin offering her some gentleness that feels very too personal for someone who’s not used to being genuine and simply showing that they care… Them talking a bit which leaves her stumped and mindblown in a quiet way when Falin defies her expectations. Namari growing on Falin when she stays and decides to open herself up more, or when Falin ends up reading her really well like she’s shown to do with her parents and Marcille’s worries. She’s very attuned to worrying and why and when different people do it especially when it comes to when they worry for others, perhaps because she does a lot of that too, so I think she’d nail down how Namari does care for the rest of the party and it’d make Namari feel seen both in a warm validating way and in a scared naked way.

We see in the tentacles chapter that she’s someone’s who’s very protective and looks out for her peers in a tough love way. She’s overbearing but it’s because she wants everyone to have the best chances. I like that she’s very confrontational and somewhat pushy and rude, but it’s tough love, it’s protective care: asserting herself to better protect and defend. The opposite of Falin’s type of care, quiet and self-sacrificial devotion. They’re barbarian x healer but they’re also bodyguard x bodyguard in their attitude and role. … What I want for them is slow burn slice of life of being coworkers and slowly getting to know each other better, pretty fluffy, but god, put this way they’d have the potential to be such a hot layered mess of insanely mutually devoted codependence… Falin taking a hit for Namari and Namari being scarred by it forever, lots of arguments about it, my god.

I like that she’s the fighter to Falin’s healer. I looove thinking of scenes of Falin healing Namari, necessitating touch and like, a moment of slowing down and sitting together in silence, too intimate, the perfect opportunity to connect that neither truly want to take until one day they do. I love how onesided I imagine the relationship would be at first. Again, as per my interpretation of Falin, I think Namari would have all these little observations and opinions on Falin meanwhile Falin really doesn’t think of Namari much at first. So Namari thinks a lot about Falin and thinks she’s got her pinned down but hasn’t (not that she’s fully wrong, she’d have credit and confront Falin on some of her flaws like the doormat thing), while Falin is very passive about Namari and doesn’t think deeply about her or anything but she read Namari’s insecurities and logic well. Not unlike how Laios was the one who seemed to understand Namari’s way of care the best in the party in the tentacles episode, and how he was very understanding of her choice and reasons. In Falin’s case it’s more like, the objectivity of passivity… She cares about Namari less than Laios who generally seeks to form bonds, so her lack of investment allows her a neutral perspective. In that way another parallel with Namari that I’m drawing, except Namari lets feelings from her opinions seeps in more… Onesided beef my beloved. I’m going insane save me this post was a mistake. I think Falin takes the crumbs of friendship and love where she can without expecting or asking for anything more than what’s offered, and I think her relationship with Namari (or anyone really) would start out the way it did with Marcille: the other takes the initiative and they end up spending time together, Falin is friendly but unattached until the bond gets gradually and wordlessly strenghtened through regularly spending moments together. So! I think Namari would need to take a lot of the first steps, which since again she’s confrontational & argumentative and doesn’t hold herself back on that front that could spark a lot of conversations I think. Ooor since Falin cares about Namari less than Laios and Marcille she allows herself to be bolder herself lol. Or also circumstances force them to spend time together like dungeon party getting separated shenanigans.

I think their personalities match cutely, I think falin would try to protect namari like she does others but also Namari simply doesn’t need protection, just support. And I think they’re complementary in that way that Namari’s friendly but also won’t sugarcoat things, and I think if she takes an interest in Falin it could go from there and she could develop some understanding of her and idk like an intrigued crush….

Namari wants stability & security & to, like, not be judged and rejected and exiled lol, to find her nest her pack the place where she feels good and wanted in. I think having a fitting partner would help in that (similarly to how the found family with the Flokes seemed to. Oh another parallel, Falin’s top priority is protecting Laios her brother and what Namari are a family figure) and I think Falin would fulfill that cozy protection and that warm ‘being seen and not judged’ feeling. But also Namari would run up to her and yell about her trying to sacrifice herself ever.

Another fun thread to explore: post-canon guilt for not having gone to save her. Sure, they weren’t close, but they had some nice memories, didn’t they? Namari cares, and it stings despite herself when it feels like people think she doesn’t. Oh it wasn’t a lost cause after all, oh it’d have worked out, oh I could have stayed loyal and it wouldn’t have compromised myself in the end. Wanting to apologize to Falin, or just ahnging out with her and sharing a moment after she wakes up. And tangent but that’s interesting to think about… Narratively, I think the purpose of Namari and Toshiro in the story, beyond strenghtening the theme of "seek to understand what is different from you and promote unity despite them" and fleshing the cast and worldbuilding, is Toshiro’s purpose was being a foil & tool in Laios’ arc (trouble connecting with people) while Namari’s was being and a foil & tool in Marcille’s arc (standing up for ideals without being out of touch with harsh realities and needs). They are the conflict that push our protagonists to grow— and they explore different ways of dealing with a situation or topic, different ways of growing into themselves on that end: Laios needing to listen to others more and Toshiro needing to focus on voicing himself more to be able to connect, Marcille needing to learn ideals sometimes cost too much and Namari needing to internalize that ideals are sometimes worth risks (not only to be able to find a reasonable but fulfilling life balance, but also to get in touch with their compassion: Namari restricts her own too much and Marcille is too harsh on people she deems to be breaking values, like Namari not risking her life and career for a friend with no promise of success, or even like how Namari is harsh on Falin’s way of doing things : too gentle, too soft, too idealistic) (similarly to Chilchuck’s arc with Marcille too, and he also plays a hand in advancing that arc in the Namari chapters). We are getting far from namalin sorry ummm preview for future analyses like Toshiro’s contrasting approach to grief and accepting loss.

More post-canon namalin! Thinking about a timeline where… Namari is fond of Falin finding herself and going off to do her thing. "Finally!" she thinks. If she’s still for hire, maybe Falin would want her to come along, either as guide or bodyguard <3, she knows Namari has a lot of good avice on a lot of things to give, plus they’ve worked together before. She hires Namari and they travel for a bit. Travel would do Namari good too I think, even if her end goal is to settle and I think Falin’s would be too eventually. Seeing sights that light her wonder for the world and going places where people don’t know her story, don’t recognize her face or her name. Them, feeling free. Finding a companionship that feels uplifting instead of stifling or charged. Namari having been too in her head about reputation and social games and money that they hit the roads and spend time in nature and it’s like, woah. I’ve been living in a small world with made up rules.

Ahh yes romance, Namari and Falin kissing after 3 years of not really knowing each other despite seeing each other every day then 2 months of wanting to spend more and more time together until they’re an inseparable duo! Workwives. I want them to stand next to each other during campire time and Namari cracks little jokes and Namari laughs. I want Namari to gift Falin a bug caught in amber and for it to be their wedding/promised to each other thing.

TLDR

Rowdy but levelheaded barbarian x gentle healer that will also cave your face in with a mace I like it…… They’re an interesting duo of mixed stuff. Protection being your purpose and what you’re worth for, literally being a meat shield (Laios, Tansu), finding your individuality recognized and validated through a growing bond with the other. Sticking around as a love language. Also bug immortalized in amber and it being beautiful.

Nevermind this wasn’t short. Um! Anyways.

[trolithfoxyflint]

Vincent gets used to [Halloween Town] in small increments. Here, he blends into the environment so well that residents are surprised to find him a newcomer.

…

He speaks with the Werewolf, avoids the awe-struck vampires and listens to the band in the evening, perching on the light pole to overlook the sprawling township.

-Smoke and Mirrors Keep Us Waitin' On A Miracle by Gothams_Only_Wolf (@bamfcoyotetango ) on Ao3

I’ve been rereading some of my older Ao3 bookmarks and idk what possessed me, but I had to draw something for this one lmaooo

[red-flagging]

💛 seb/lewis :-)

(kiss fic prompts!)

a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)

Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.

It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.

The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.

His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.

Lewis

just landed

getting my luggage now

hows it so freaking cold here

The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.

Sebastian

I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)

He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.

It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.

His phone buzzes again.

Lewis

outside i think

Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.

The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."

It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.

"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."

Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.

"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"

Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.

"Lewis?" Seb asks.

Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.

Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"

Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.

It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.

"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."

He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.

Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.

When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.

He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.

"How long have you been awake?" he asks.

Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."

"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"

"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."

Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.

"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."

The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.

Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."

[akai-akai]

Hear me out. Yes Simon is made of leaves and Johnny wildfire. But Simon is the sun and Johnny is Icarus. He is smart, head strong and ambitious. Always looking forward and believing in the cause but He flew too close and got burned. Whilst Ghost is always there. Eternal. Forced to watch everything he loves crumble

no wait because you're on to something here...

Johnny keeps trying to get closer to Simon, tries to share his warmth with the cold, hardened God of Death, but Simon has been alone for an eternity for a reason. He burns any who dare to get close to him, even if he doesn't intend to, because he's afraid of losing them. He can't lose them if he never had them in the first place, or at least that's what he tries to convince himself.

But Johnny, the bright and warm God of the Sun, doesn't care. His wings burn to cinders, so he grows new ones from the ashes. He's a pheonix. Death cannot take him, because he will be reborn brighter each time. He's one of the few things that doesn't die when Simon's fingers graze him.

But Simon finds the feathers that fall from Johnny's wings each time. He catches on far too easily, sees the signs that he's seen time and time again. He knows how this will end, and he refuses to allow himself to believe anything different could come from this.

So, in an effort to protect Johnny, he pushes him away even harder, fights him tooth and nail. Says things he shouldn't, does things he shouldn't, thinks that if he can make Johnny hate him, he can protect him. And when it's all said and done, he recedes into the shadows where the sun cannot see him, and yet Johnny still burns and Simon doesn't understand why.

 __________________________________________________________________

I'm sorry if this isn't what you had in mind, but it sparked something in me and the brain worms are worming. I fully think Johnny knows how to protect himself, but Simon can't see that. All he's known is loss, death, and abandonment. Johnny is new territory, and Simon doesn't know how to navigate him.

[writer-rider-flirty-thirties]

I reread The Black Games trilogy and I realized I never truly finished the last two chapters of the third installment (despite reading the whole triology at least five times) and y'all...

It rocked me emotionally.

Anyways, I love the trilogy so much and I'm so happy I finally got to finish it!

(also, it has my favorite OCs ever!!!)

[blithesharem]

diavolo 🌠 !

The day that Diavolo fell in love it was raining.

The morning had begun gray, a slow drizzle, but by mid-day it had crashed into a proper storm. Barbatos had been caught several times staring out the window, watching the wind tear through the gardens and the water create rivers over the pathways. Diavolo had asked the demon if he was worried for his flowers, but Barbatos had only give him a thin smile and offered him a fresh pot of tea.

Eventually the prince made his way back to his office to continue working through the stack of his father’s paperwork. No. His paperwork. He was still adjusting to thinking of it that way, to taking ownership over the decisions he made every day. No longer would he have his father’s shadow to fall back on. No longer would he have his father’s shadow oppressing him.

While Diavolo mused over those two thoughts, the storm continued. It seemed like it was demanding something from him, he thought with mild amusement, like it wanted his attention.

“Not now, storm, Barbatos will scold me if I don’t get these finished,” he tried to jest aloud, but his voice fell flat in the empty room. And anyway, his butler was far too distracted today to pay him much thought.

‘Perhaps,’ Diavolo then thought, setting down his pen and giving a stretch, ‘A walk will do me some good.’

And so on the day that Diavolo fell in love he went on a walk in the rain.

Of course, he took an umbrella. He wasn’t a barbarian. Still, it made him feel a bit wild to be strolling through the castle grounds in the rain. His father would never have allowed such behavior, and Diavolo suspected Barbatos might have something to say if he was caught as well. But for now, he was as free as a prince could get in his gilded cage.

“Well, here I am, storm,” he said pleasantly, smiling when a rumble of thunder answered him, “Yes, thank you, I must agree.” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. Perhaps he was a bit lonely, he had to admit. Demon princes probably shouldn’t be talking to themselves in the rain.

He was about to turn around and return inside with a sudden light caught his eyes. Anticipating a score of lightning, Diavolo stopped and lifted his eyes to the boiling clouds in the sky. There, tearing across the grey, was not lightning but a shooting star.

A chill ran down Diavolo’s spine, a feeling he felt rarely enough to note it. A shooting star midday?

He had better make a very special wish.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

🌸 !!CHAPTER SEVEN POSTED!! 🌸

Title: Four Walls

Tags: slow burn, domesticity, friends to lovers, smut, pining post sias/pre am era

Summary: Disillusioned with LA and on the heels of a breakup, Alex goes to stay with Miles in London.

[ssreeder]

he… he was born to be a hero and became a villain… he was born to be a villain and became a hero… no one asked them what they wanted… they don’t even know what they want they don’t even know who they ARE…. they bring out the worst in each other…. they can only be honest with each other and they hate it love it hate it destroy it in the end…. they ruin each others lives…. they don’t regret each other…. if you even care…. I’m gonna apass out

[aeide-thea]

[lilkikayart]

Pspspsps come here Wangjue enjoyers! (｡☉౪ ⊙｡)

I have prepared something for us once again! Wangjue x the Bereal meme that was going around the former bird app twitter for a while.

Now we have 3 fanarts (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง

Also I love in fics when LWJ plays the guqin for NMJ 😤💕💕💕💕

Please do share with any Wangjue enjoyers you know because I'd love to find my ppl lol

If not though I'm happy if I even just have @riikaa-chan to gush over them with

σ(≧ε≦ｏ)

[hyperfocusthusly]

Chapter 6 is out, playing with some insecurities and the constant struggle to not ruin our own lives, luckily Zuko thinks that’s kinda cute

Beams, bars and burns

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

GIF by loregifs

Wings Of The Dawn | Chapter 5

Joel miller x fem!reader

Summary: You are Jackson's librarian, a doll with a good heart, that has your life changed when a handsome man decides to take his kid and start again in your small town after completing their cross country journey. Having a hard time ignoring Joel's dark brown eyes, you find yourself wishing to have him close as you both navigate through love triangles, teenage drama, city gossip, and ghosts from both of your pasts. This is a comfort fic filled with slow burn and small town dynamics. Chapter summary: Elie's actions make everyone faces their own demons.

read on AO3 | fic masterlist | masterlist | playlist | next chapter

Rating: 18+ (no smut on this chapter)

Warnings/Tags: Described self harm (burning), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Age Difference, Small Town Dynamics, No use of y/n

Chapter Word count: 7,5k

｡˚🐾₊˚

CHAPTER 5

Laid down on the ground, a blonde girl observed the other side of a valley with her binoculars. In her back, a rifle carefully put just waiting for any signal of trouble. Her eyes scanned the site, meter per meter, trying to find an intruder between the trees.

"C'mon, Pawpaw, you got this." Her teenage voice was no more than a murmur. A few seconds passed and a louder bang resonated. Getting the rifle in her hands in one quick move, Nath closed one eye and watched with the other through the receiver sight.

An old Asian man appeared in her perimeter, making a loud birdlike sound with his mouth as he stared at the top of a mountain searching for her. Exhaling the breath she didn’t know she had taken, Nath put the rifle on her back and sprinted in the man’s direction. Getting there fast, he smiled as soon as she arrived.

“The cabin is ours, bug. It’s mostly intact, raiders haven’t come this far yet.” He hadn’t smoked a cigarette since the outbreak happened two years ago, but his voice was still hoarse in the memory of the man he once was. His small brown eyes were so similar to his granddaughter, only changing the color.

Pulling Nath gently by her shoulders, they walked to the cabin in a comfortable silence. The 15 year old was proving to be fiercer than her size and gaining her grandpa’s respect, or at least that's what she hoped for. They had been living in the woods since the summer of 2003, mostly due to the fact they were already camping at the outbreak eve.

Alcohol had been in the family's DNA, with her parents owning the winery after Pawpaw decided to retire and move to Montana. Mom and dad were in France promoting their brand as their teenage daughter spent a summer weekend in the north with grandpa and grandma. Camping was grandma's idea and she was also the first to turn, after eating a 7-Eleven sandwich. Nath’s parents never got able to say their goodbyes.

The cabin became Nath’s temporary favorite home from the ones they lived in over the years. The color of the wooden walls, Pawpaw’s shadow play late at night, his loud snore that echoed from his room to hers. Everything at the cabin made her forget that once they walked through the front door she was holding a rifle and shooting every son of a bitch who crossed their path. It was far from comfortable, but it was theirs in a world where she had to grow too fast.

At early hours in the morning, a 34year old Nath couldn’t think of anything except the wooden walls of the cabin as she observed Ellie and Joel leave through Jackson’s gate. It was the morning of Ellie’s fifteenth birthday, they went out for a little trip that was expected to last four days. She couldn’t remember Pawpaw’s exact age when she was fifteen, in her hazy memory he could be older than Joel, but it didn’t matter: she was thinking nonstop about her past these days.

Ellie was always in a ponytail, teenage Nath had her short hair in a baseball cap. Ellie liked Converse, teenage Nath too. Ellie was constantly delivering puns, Nath had a collection of graphic t-shirts. Joel traveled the country getting rid of everything and everyone that could hurt Ellie, Pawpaw made a huge effort to keep Nath alive. Joel had blood on his hands, Pawpaw too.

Pawpaw’s face was slowly getting blurred inside her head. Without a picture of him, it was hard for her to remember all of his features. Was his nose a button or slope? Were his eyebrows sparse or dense? She couldn’t see it anymore, it was mostly gone, except for his eyes.

Whenever she looked in the mirror she could see him if she focused on the eyes. The face of her mother was long forgotten, a ghost she couldn’t place anymore in her life, Nath knew that the sand blonde hair and dark blue eyes were from her side of the family tree. But the thick layer of straight lashes and monolids that made the blue of her iris unexpected, as if it shouldn't be there, was her grandpa's features. She almost wanted to see dark irises in herself, not the blue from her mother’s heritage, perhaps like this she wouldn’t forget his face. Pawpaw had eyes so dark they were almost black, just like Joel’s. Nath felt she was so similar to her grandpa from her quick thinking to her cruel ways when hurt, Ellie was Joel’s mirrored image in both want and need.

Maybe this is why she felt unsure as the girl left the city for another road trip. Now that she was an adult, the weight of the years they spent having blood on their hands in the name of being safe and sound became bittersweet. Did Pawpaw kill those people to protect her or to feed the beast inside him? Did she kill for safety or because something was wrong with her? She wasn't sure anymore.

She didn't want to find out.

You had said goodbye to Joel and Ellie with a smile, the museum was your idea of family bonding after a tough week for them. Ellie, of course, had no clue of the surprise on her way, but seeing her happiness of roaring the wild again filled you with love. Joel wanted to make a big thing, fifteen was an important age to be. You saw it as an opportunity to reinforce Jackson as their home and he took it with tenderness from the planning until the execution.

Everything seemed in place until you started to walk in the Bison's direction with Nath by your side and noticed the silence.

“Is something wrong?” You tried but Nath was in another world, not paying attention. With your hand on her shoulder, you intended once more. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah,” she shut it and walked a little ahead of you. Three years in Jackson and it was the first time you saw Nath like that.

“Are you sure? You are quiet.” Jogging a bit, you got closer and spoke with a soft tone. Her eyes weren’t watching what was in front of you, but far away.

“I’m good, Doll. I need to work.” She left you as she entered the Bison, slow pace and shoulders down.

As you were alone, you analyzed all the recent events searching for clues.

A week ago, on a Saturday morning after the movie night, the council meeting had Nath’s blood burning, she was unable to contain herself. The last ten minutes were a back and forth of loud arguments.

"Esther? She doesn't live inside the city walls, why her?" Her eyes were full of rage at Maria's, who didn't back down and devolved with the same intensity.

“She is my friend and we share similar points of view, from everyone here, you should be the one understanding it." She raised her voice and moved her eyes at you, who blushed timidly.

“Dolly lives inside the city, we must have some rule about it. Edwin?” Nath crossed her arms in front of her, getting angrier.

The old man opened a notebook with the council rules, the town’s only official document. Gliding up his glasses, he shook his head. “It says all citizens, not a word about their living condition.”

You weren’t sure that you wanted Esther for the next months as Maria’s interim, it meant she would move to town and see Joel more. Not that he ever mentioned her, but their first meeting was still on replay inside your head whenever someone said Esther’s name, his questions about sheep made you uneasy. Oh God, he only questioned the woman about her occupation, why were you so upset? It’s just sheep.

“Great. When will she start?” Nath rolled her eyes, frustrated at the lost battle. Maria still hadn’t opened the smuggling route, forcing you and Nath to preserve the resources you had.

“Next week. She knows all my opinions on our current topics and will keep me updated, so don’t try to take her to your side ‘cause she won’t fall for your bad schemes.”

"Maria, enough," Alfie spoke in a baritone getting looks from everyone, including Maria and Nath. “Can you both stop attacking each other like that? We have more important things to do than whatever this is.”

For the first time in a while, you looked at Alfie for more than a moment. He was different, wasn’t gleeful or with a smile on his lips. His facial hair had changed with a strong mustache above his lips that seemed out of place. His sweetness was not so evident giving you a shiver up the spine, what had happened to him?

"Let me get crystal clear then: Esther is my interim, but she'll be my eyes. I expect all of you to treat her if she was me, this includes you, Nathalie." Maria's tone was firm and decisive. Her eyes stayed aimed at Nath for a second, who just sighed.

“Yes, ma’am.” Nath’s words finished the conversation.

You didn't understand how or why, but Maria was getting angrier as time passed by. From the pregnancy announcement to the seventh month, she was gaining more weight on her body as well putting some in her words. Feeling your eyes on her, Maria glared at you in a silent “don’t try me” that you promptly accepted.

After the meeting, you were at the library’s main room updating the board with all the current lending. Still thinking about the council’s mood, you turned around to face Joel, who was putting the last shelf he made together.

“Is Maria okay?” You asked chewing your bottom lip, the lines between Joel’s brows got deeper.

"I think so, why? Something happened at the council?" Closing the distance, he walked to the balcony and put his hands on it, somewhat near yours.

“It might be nothing, but I feel her getting more…” You searched for words while moving your hands in the air. Joel kept looking at you with curiosity. “Intense. Makes sense?”

“Pregnancy can be tough, if she wasn't acting like it then it would be worrying. Those final months are the worst."

"Huh, you seem to know a little too much about it." Walking back to the shelf, Joel stopped in his tracks as if he got caught, but you continued without noticing it. “Have you been pregnant yourself?”

“Very funny. Don't you have books to separate to put on this thing? I'm almost done." He cut the subject, hoping you wouldn't dig too much into it. You just smiled and got a book pile on your arms.

He hadn't paid attention to Maria but would watch Tommy up close. Joel left the library and met Tommy for a patrol together. He had finished the dam amends and was ready to be his brother’s partner. It would be his first real patrol, once again in the role of the protector.

You said to him, as he walked to your doorway last night, that he "must be used to the patrol's routine after so much time on the road with Ellie", but you were oblivious to his fear of completing the journey. The motif for the cross country travel or why Ellie kept using a bandage on her forearm, you saw what he wanted you to see. In a Miller way, Tommy was doing the same with him.

The plan was easy: take a look at an old hotel a few miles off Jackson, make an inventory of what they found, eliminate some runners, and travel back. From the gate opening to the woods up the mountain, Tommy was nonstop speaking.

“I like William or Loretta, like grandma, but Maria needs more convincing." The man was babbling with a smile on his lips, one that didn't reach his eyes.

“William Miller sounds a little off, too much Ms," Joel replied waiting for his brother’s reaction as they dismounted their horses.

“Hum, I guess so. I also like Dylan, from Bobby. Maybe we could have a first and middle name, why not?” He kept going, not looking Joel in the eye, an old childhood habit whenever he was lying.

“Still quite early for it. Maria is what now, entering the third trimester?” With their guns in hand, the brothers were about to enter the first block of the hotel. Joel opened the door for Tommy, who hesitated a little before entering.

Following behind, Joel took a good look around. It had been at least months since someone walked by the area, let alone stayed long. A rich dust layer was all over the place making the air dense, breathing was hard as they went further from the door, but didn’t stop Tommy from speaking still. Opening every door in a long corridor, the brothers found nothing until the kid’s playroom. Tommy was mute.

At the corner, Joel saw something shine under his flashlight. A guitar. He crossed the room and examined the instrument and its shoulder strap, just to see that it was in good condition. He made a promise to Ellie that hospital day, to teach her how to play, he could now pay at least one of his debts. Tommy was apathetic as he walked from toy to toy, forcing Joel to observe a little further and recognize what was behind his eyes: fear.

"Let's head back to the main room, c'mon," he jerked his head in the direction and Tommy silently followed.

Tommy was sat with his gun in his lap, while Joel started to search for a rag inside his backpack. Unable to ignore the tension in his brother’s shoulder, he started.

“The feeling won’t go away, it’ll stay with you forever.”

“What feeling?” Tommy asked with one elbow resting on his knee.

“Fear of fuckin’ it up. Don’t bullshit me, I can see in you.” The brothers shared a glance. Tommy sighed and scratched his mustache.

“I thought I had it in me. That I was so sure I was a natural.” Shaking his head, the younger Miller continued. “Third trimester, I didn’t know how to name it before you said it. It’s roughly seven months, anytime soon my child will be here and I feel like one. Guess you were right when you said we would find out if I’m a good dad. I already know: I’m not.”

“Parentin’ isn’t about perfection. You’ll learn as you go. It’s about love, keep ‘em safe.” Joel retorted calmly, taking the rust chords of the guitar. “Sometimes we need to make hard choices for their own good, even if it means to sacrifice ourselves for it.”

“What happened at the hospital?” Joel hadn’t spoken about Salt Lake City with Tommy. He knew at some point they would have to talk about it, but the memory was too fresh. His hands were still stained from all that blood. His brother gave him time to process it, but now the scenario was different.

The guitar fretboard had a silver butterfly engram at the third fret. Even if a butterfly, the intricate design was much more realistic than anything Sarah had. It didn’t belong to the smiley girl from his memory. Joel started to clean it up, making himself comfortable in his chair.

"I don't know what happened," he started with a huff, like an anecdote. "I was supposed to take her to the Fireflies and walk away. You go halfway across the country with someone... She needed her immunity to mean somethin'. Maybe I was starting to buy into that whole cure business. Maybe I just wanted to do right by her.

"And then we made it. We found the Fireflies. And because of her they were actually going to make a cure." Still cleaning the fretboard, Joel nodded his head down looking at the ground. "The only catch, it would kill her."

"Jesus Christ, Joel." After a second, Tommy stared at Joel, in his eyes a deep sadness. "What'd you do?"

Joel lifted his eyes from the ground to meet his brother's. His brows furrowed with an intense gaze, just to be once more soft as he got back to his previous task.

"I saved her." Joel had meant when he said that sometimes sacrifice is necessary. In that hospital he sacrificed the last part of his soul to allow Ellie to keep hers.

"Goddamn," Tommy exhorted with his head down. "That's... Huh, that's a lot. What does Ellie know?"

"I told’er they just ran some tests." Joel pondered for a fraction of a second, just to say in the same direct tone. "I told her... Her immunity meant nothin'."

"And she believed you?" Tommy asked trying to picture the scene.

Joel stopped cleaning, shook his head a little and got back to the task.

"Didn't say otherwise."

-

Ellie was outside Cat's house not sure what to do. Should she knock? Wait until she crosses the door at some point in the day? There wasn't a manual on how to date when immune. She wanted to see if the girl had turned, she hadn't slept thinking a “what if” in the back of her head.

Riley was her first kiss and turned during the night. She mixed her blood with Sam's and he also turned. What if they hadn't turned because of a bite, but because of her? Seeing Cat alive and well was all she wanted. She couldn’t care less that it was so early in the morning with the birds chanting still.

She waited outside the house until Maria came by the corner. To avoid further questions Ellie hid in the front yard bush. The woman stayed inside for a long time, making her feel beyond uncomfortable in her hiding spot. When she finally left, Ellie got up on her feet and stretched.

“Most people knock, you know,” Cat said behind her with a playful tone, gaining a scream from Ellie. The girl chuckled happily. “What are you doing here?”

Fuck, she hadn’t planned that far. “I freaked out at night because I’m immune and not sure if I can give you cordyceps through a kiss, came by just to check if you’re alive” wouldn’t be a nice move. Thinking fast, she opted for a regular.

“I’m following Maria. Nath asked.” Cat eyes lingered a bit on the floor, her smile no longer genuine, but she accepted the excuse. “Gotta go, tell her what I saw.”

“Wanna hang out later?” Ellie turned around, thinking a second too long about the proposal. Cat was fidgeting with her hands as she waited for a response.

“Yeah, why not? See ya,” she quickly said and strolled down the pavement, not seeing the big smile on Cat’s face.

Joel went on a patrol with Tommy, so the only place left for her on a Saturday was the Bison. The bar was crowded, most people waiting for their orders. Seth was grabbing one by one as Nath was somewhere in the kitchen. Crossing the counter, Ellie found the blonde woman trying to unclog the sink.

“Goddamn, shit.” Nath cursed twisting her lips and moving the siphon, or whatever she was doing. Ellie had no clue what was going on. When the woman got up, she smiled. Across her chest, her t-shirt said "University of your mom, 1969", she was in a good mood. “Please tell me you came here to say you got scared last night, had nightmares and shit.”

“Scared? Nah, but yeah about the nightmares part. What the hell are you doing?” She leaned against the kitchen wall and observed. Nath had gloves on while maneuvering a white galloon by her side.

“This is caustic soda. It’s an acid, burns shit. I have a little from the previous bar owner, when the sink gives me hell I put it and boom, all solved.”

“Why gloves?” Ellie saw how carefully Nath moved around the galloon, almost afraid of it.

“It burns skin too. Not the best feeling in the world, I got burned smaller than you. Trust me: you don’t wanna see it." She answered while she poured the acid down the sink.

“You have a scar? Show me!” Nath rolled her eyes at the response but took her gloves and moved close to Ellie.

"We need to find you a hobby, you're a weird kid." On her back, a small scar with irregular skin. It was a little puffier than the rest, but mostly imperceptible when not looking at it. Ellie’s mind flashed a thought.

“That thing did this?” Nath nodded, wrinkling her nose.

“Believe or not it used to be on my stomach, not my back. I was maybe five or six, don’t know. My dad was using this bad boy in the sink, I got too curious and some spilled on me. I can still remember the smell.”

“Did it hurt?” Ellie insisted, but Nath didn’t notice her tone, too focused on getting back to the normal service velocity of the Bison.

“Like a bitch!” She shouted going back to the counter, leaving Ellie alone. “Alright folks, Seth cooks and I take your order. We’re only two so keep that in mind, especially you Sam. I swear to God, if you order a salad I’ll kick your ass out of here and straight to Chad’s garden.”

Using the crowd in her favor, Ellie took the gallon with her and walked faster back home.

Cat was alive, which was good, at least someone wasn’t affected by her curse. But if her body didn’t make others get cordyceps, how would other people react when she remove her bandage? Would they freak out or understand? Nath’s scar was fine, the irregular skin pattern was different from the smoothness of other areas.

Ellie wanted to not live in fear of getting caught. She knew the risk she had only existing in this world, she saw people being murdered for less. Joel made her sleep with the bandage too, in case something happened during the night. He was constantly worried about her safety.

At the kitchen sink, Ellie remembered Nath said it would hurt. Making a quick plan, she got something to bite so she wouldn't be heard, a gag. She took all the bandage off and put it aside, taking a final look at her bite marks. They were over a year now, from Boston still. She thought that if she took those marks from her body she could also start over in Jackson.

Feeling courageous, she prepared the scene. Gag herself, extended her right arm above the sink tub, and counted from five to one before pouring the acid. As soon as the liquid touched her skin, she screamed in pain.

The teeth marks leaving one by one as the skin burned, the acid danced around hurting every part of it. Her screams were evident, but so was her pleasure of not being able to see the old scar. Behind her, the door opened, but she didn’t notice.

Joel stepped inside and felt right away the eerie atmosphere of the house. Screams entered his ear channel, he moved as he tried to find the sound’s origin. He could hear Ellie behind it.

The screams were muffled, but still there. Joel increased his pace, trying to get to her faster. Finally, he entered the kitchen to his horror. Ellie was holding out her arm, some acid burning her skin with a sizzling sound.

"What are you doing, baby girl?" He pleaded as he saw in her forearm where once were marks of bites now third-degree burnings. Opening the faucet, he forced her to stay put down the water.

"I'm leaving this behind!" Ellie took her gag out with the other hand and cried out, loudly and fast.

With heavy tears down her face, his stomach churned seeing how far she went to forget about her immunity. He kept her arm under the water flow, sure that his gripping would leave bruises behind, all because her smile wouldn't fade away.

-

The nurse came searching for Nath at the Bison late in the afternoon. When she heard "Ellie" and "burning" it was enough to make her sprint to the clinic. Joel was in front of Edwin's door, looking like a kicked dog. Next to him a white galloon that she recognized right away.

“Why is that here?” She questioned already knowing the answer, just to be cut by Edwin taking Ellie out of his office. The girl had unshed tears in her eyes. “What have you done?”

Ellie looked down, and went to Joel’s side, finding refugee in his arms. The man had puppy eyes, Nath wondered how her face was at that moment.

"She might have a fever, it's normal in burn victims. Chad will make a paste for it, use it at least three times a day. The bandage must be changed every time she uses the paste. The skin is too sensitive, it has bubbles and pus, it might leak, but under any circumstance she can peel it off." Edwin vomited his words, or did Nath want to vomit? Her mind was blurry.

“Thank you. We’ll follow it.” Joel confirmed, Ellie still quiet and looking to the ground.

When Edwin left, Nath walked to them. She could hear Joel speaking something, but her eyes were focused on Ellie who looked so small.

“Nath, did you hear me?” Joel tried again, in his voice rage. “I said you need to lock down these things. It’s too dangerous.”

“Got it. Can I speak with Ellie? Please.” She asked not knowing why. The kid was still looking down, avoiding her gaze.

“I think you already did too much. We’re heading home.”

With Joel pulling her by the shoulder, Ellie left the building, but not without locking eyes with Nath seconds before the door closed. She tried to remember where she saw those eyes and their emptiness, just to remind of her own mirror reflection.

-

The soft breeze caressed your face, gently waking you up. Near you, the orange tabby cat slept in a C shape, softly snoring. You petted his fur while humming, Sunday mornings were the best for a long time, it was your time to be lazy. As a kid, you hated Sundays because it was the day of the Lord, the longest day for you.

Susan, your mom, would dress you up in your best Sunday dress, doll you up with a ribbon in your hair. The morning would be for sermons and church devotion, no one could escape. Jason would get a brief relief when playing his guitar at the church’s band, but you had only your imagination to help you out.

From your bed, you wondered if your imagination would be enough to ignore the fact you would only see Joel the next day. Most nights you would daydream about a future with him before sleep. His body searching yours through the night, waking up with his strong arms around you, curling his hair between your fingers… Your mind was always drifting to him. You could spend a day without him, right?

Wrong, a little after lunchtime you found yourself walking to his house thinking about every possible excuse. “I made more food than needed because I’m used to have lunch with you”, “I was nearby and decided to say hi”, “just checking if Ellie needs more books” etc. You had it under control but forgot all about it when Joel came to answer the door with puffy eyes.

“Are you okay?” Your hand was cupping his cheek in an automatic move, he closed his eyes for a second before looking anywhere but your face.

“Now isn’t a good time. You should go.” His tone was serious, you understood right away he wanted to kick you out. And you would respect him, if his hand hadn’t clasped your wrist in a soft move, not a rough one.

“Tell me about it during lunch, you need to eat.” His fingers were still on your wrist, holding you close. Your thumb caressed his cheekbone. “Please.”

His eyes saw yours and allowed you to get in. You took the lead and went to the kitchen, hoping he would be right behind. Preparing the table from the memory of the candle night, you made a motion for Joel to sit down, which he did quietly.

“Start from the beginning. What happened?” Joel inhaled and stayed quiet for a few seconds. You could see the engine inside his head choosing how vulnerable he could allow himself to be. Trying to act naturally, you served him a plate and sat next to him, not in front.

“Ellie got burned really ugly during my patrol with Tommy.” His brows deep furrowed, mouth corners chewing nonstop.

“Is she alright? Do you need anything? I’m so sorry.” Your voice was delicate, doing your best to not get Joel startled, despite the urgency to get the puzzle pieces.

“She’s resting at the guest house, Chad made her a paste. She’s okay, tough kid.” Joel said to you, but it was clear he tried to assure himself of it.

“Joel,” you started and he looked at you with those puffy eyes. Your heart broke a little. “How did that happen?”

“She found some acid,” he didn’t offer you more as he avoided your eyes.

“She did this to herself on purpose?”

With a small nod, Joel made your mind race. You didn't insist on it but remembered Ellie's bandage and tried to connect the dots. Why a smart kid like her would do something like this? Joel was beyond sad, there was something he wasn't telling you. Accepting the level of vulnerability he was willing to share with you at the moment, you placed your hand on his knee.

“I don’t need details, just to know if you both are okay. She is medicated and resting, what about you?”

“What about me?” He asked you back as if he didn’t matter. Your hand squeezed his knee.

“You’re stubborn as a mule. C’mon, eat.” Removing your hand from his knee, you and him fight in a staring contest. Feeling defeated, Joel got his fork and started to eat, gaining a smile from you. “My brother used to tell me that we need to be healthy in order to take care of the sick. Eat, be healthy.”

"Your brother seems smart." Joel's eyes were a little less dull watching you smile.

"He is, most times, at least. Older brother, gives nice advice, but uses none." You shrugged while looking up. "Bet Tommy would say the same about you."

“You here to help or to roast me?”

Laughter filled the room as you both banter. At some point, your legs touched under the table and no one made a move, enjoying each other proximity. You wanted to pet his hair, to kiss his temples and say that everything would be alright, but you knew better than that. Instead, you washed the dishes for him in a small gesture of tenderness.

"You have a week until her birthday. Already got all the items you need?" Drying your hands, you posed next to Joel who was drinking coffee while standing up near the sink. You tried to ignore how domestic the afternoon was.

“Yes, even the tape with the Apollo 11 launch. Still not sure how you got it, but thank you.” It was Eugene, but had you omitted this detail. “We won’t take the trip no longer, but I appreciate your effort, sweetheart.”

You took a second too long to understand the meaning behind his words, focusing on his southern accent saying a pet name. It made your cheeks get hotter, Joel was a man of direct words, most times not even saying your name. You were sucking your bottom lip when realized everything he spoke.

“What? No, why not? You put so much effort into it, she'll love it!” Joel shook his head at your words. Stubborn motherfucker.

“Too dangerous. Can’t hike with her like that.” His tone was dead serious, not giving space for a retort, but you opened your mouth anyway.

“Is her feet burned? Her eyes?” You asked seriously, he shook his head again. Putting both hands on your hips, you continued. "You took her all the way from the East Coast to Wyoming and now, when you both have a roof above your heads, family, and friends will you deny her mundane actions like a birthday surprise? You kept her safe before, you'll do it again. Fuck, I can go with you if it means you'll do it."

Joel raised his eyebrows ready to argue back, but you pointed a finger in his direction. You had no real intention of traveling with them, wanted to be their time together, but maybe it would help to convince him. After a few seconds, he accepted defeat.

“If she gets worse or something happens in the meantime, we’ll stay here. Final words.” Taking another sip of his coffee, Joel was still worried.

Embracing the intimacy you had developed with him up to this point, you got closer and put your head on his shoulder.

“If, if, something happens I'll be here still to help you think of a plan B. But I want to see you leave through that gate with her next Saturday.”

“Want a rest from me at your library?" He teased with a smile. You raised your head from his shoulder to look into his eyes.

"Who said I won't be at the gate waiting for you to get back?" Your tone and grin were playful, teasing, but the weight of his eyes on yours showed something more. Deciding to not see too much between the lines, you put some space between your bodies. "I have to go, need to feed the cat. See you tomorrow, okay?"

Joel nodded, taking the final sip from his coffee as you walked fast through the backdoor. Taking a gulp of air, you saw Nath leaving Ellie’s guest house. Paler than normal, she was trembling a little. You made a motion to go to her, but she ran away quickly before noticing you.

In a weekend full of emotions, you were left with your thoughts: what happened to your small town where everyone was always aware of each other business? You wanted answers, not just questions.

-

A week later, a few hours into hiking, Joel tried to clear the air with Ellie.

She had spent the week between the burning and her birthday healing, both her body and spirit. You came once more to the house, this time to visit her with Cat. He pretended not to see Nath there two times as well, despite his momentary anger towards her Ellie liked the woman’s company. Tommy and Maria kept dining with them, his sister-in-law even tried to light up the mood with jokes. Ellie was getting better, but the kitchen scene was in a loop inside his head.

“Why did you do it?” Joel started, just to notice how directed he was. Heart talk wasn’t his forte.

“Do you really wanna know?” Fortunately, Ellie was just like him, bad at translating her emotions into words. He stopped walking and nodded in her direction.

Ellie looked at his chest, her brown eyes a little lost. Joel did the same when under pressure.

“My immunity doesn't mean anything, right? The fireflies didn't find a use for it, so why have its scars permanently on my body? I wanted to feel normal. Free.” Joel’s heart sank.

His lie made her hurt herself. She mutilated her body in the hope of forgetting her wish to have a meaningful life. He felt ashamed for keeping his lie for so long.

“How are you feeling about it now?” He pointed at her right arm.

“I’m free. My body won’t hold me back anymore.” Her smile was so big, her eyes shining bright at him.

He wanted to hug her, to say sorry and tell her the truth about that day at the hospital. To ask her forgiveness and reinforce that he did to protect her, that none else mattered at that moment. However, the only thing he could hear from his mouth was:

“Let’s keep walking.”

-

Saturday at the Bison was the busiest, but Nath couldn’t care less. Since the moment she said goodbye to you, after watching Ellie and Joel leave the city's gate, her body was on autopilot while her mind kept going back and forward on seventeen years of memories with her grandpa. She lost count of how many sandwiches she made, of the faces that came to the bar, nothing else had space on her mind.

She avoided her reflection all day, ignoring her eyes in particular. The day went slow or too fast? Not a clue, except that when she went back to the bar lounge the doors were closed. Seth was putting the chairs above the tables, getting ready to clean everything.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Nath asked angry, no longer in a playful manner with him, just pure anger in her body.

“Protecting you. Go home, kid.” He ignored the venom behind her words, still cleaning the place.

"I don't know what are talking about. You have five minutes to put everything back in its place." She started to march towards the door, but Seth's voice made her stop.

“He was the same, letting everything simmer inside until it was no longer possible to ignore. It wasn’t your fault.” Unbothered, he didn’t glance at her once. Nath could feel her throat getting tighter.

Not saying another word, she decided to go to the bathroom to throw some water on her face before opening the bar again. When she turned around, her eyes passed by the counter and saw a small package with an “N.” written. She opened in a tentative to ignore what was inside her head, but the moment she saw Pawpaw’s baseball cap the tears rolled down her face.

"He wasn't perfect, but he loved you." Seth was next to her, with a broom in his hands. She looked into his eyes and saw acceptance and a safe space. He had listened to all her grandpa’s stories, he knew the other side.

She threw herself at Seth’s chest and allowed herself to mourn for her younger version, to what happened to Ellie. He held her tight until there were no tears left to cry.

-

You hoped Tommy's calculation was right. Cat was covering you at the library while you waited in front of Jackson's gate for Joel and Ellie. Four days went fast, especially with Nath’s good mood back. She was using an old baseball cap every time you saw her without further explanation, but you learned to accept odd behaviors from day one.

It was the afternoon of the fourth day of their travel, at any time Joel and Ellie would cross the gate. You wanted to validate what you said in their kitchen, it seemed important. Your impatience was evident, walking from side to side until the gate opened.

Ellie was in a good mood, laughing at something, but Joel didn't care much, his eyes focused on yours as soon as he saw you. Sprinting to them, you hugged Ellie before talking to Joel, knowing it would be a longer conversation by the weight of his stare.

“How was the birthday surprise? Did you like it?” You asked biting your lower lip, Joel’s hand at the top of Ellie’s back. Once more you felt strange with how domestic it was.

“Dinosaurs, man! They were massive! And the space section? Blew my mind!” She spoke fast, laughing, but then something crossed her mind and made her run from you while shouting to Joel. “I have to talk with Nath about the movie night! Jurassic Park!”

You chuckled, but when your eyes met Joel’s there was the same weight back.

"Hi," you tried and he said back. Somehow, your bodies moved in sync as you walked down the street. He told you with a little more detail about Ellie's reaction to the museum, filling your heart with joy.

You had been there two times, once prior to the outbreak on a family trip where your father used this moment to explain how the science went against the Bible’s creation story. You wanted to see the dinosaurs, but Albert’s lecture became your only memory. The second time with Nath and Eugene, a year before, to erase the first visit of your head. It worked.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower, have some sleep. Talk with you tomorrow, okay?” He stated leaving you at the library door. You agreed without a trace of doubt: he spent the week between Ellie’s burning and the actual birthday seeing you more than before, if it was possible.

Before heading home, Joel got closer and kissed your cheek so low his lips touched your mouth’s corner. Goosebumps appeared at the back of your neck, a wave of pleasure went through your body. Not thinking twice, you grabbed Joel’s wrist and gave him a peck before he could take another step.

He replied by putting his hands on your waist and kissing you back. Your hands traveled up to his shoulders, palming his broadness. His mustache tickled your face, the softness of his lips made a gentle pressure in yours. It was everything and more that you hoped for.

As he broke the kiss, the weight of his stare became something else. Tenderness, maybe? Or lust? You weren’t sure, except that you wanted everything held there behind his dark brown eyes.

“I have that Springsteen album you’re crazy about. Want to come by tonight and listen to it?” With a smile, you hoped for a yes while his hands were still at your waist. Joel nodded, his smile dimple showing up.

When you entered the library, you would still feel his body impression in yours. You were too blissful to notice Cat walking back from the window.

“My dad's mustache makes so much sense now," she stated looking at you. Shit, Cat was playing cupid between you both. As you opened your mouth to say anything that could save you, she continued with a grin. "The heart wants what it wants, am I right? He’ll survive and grow a better facial hair, I hope.”

Your heart wanted Joel and no one else.

Leaving the library earlier than usual, you made your way to the house in quick steps, feet almost floating above the pavement in such a hurry. Trying to focus, you organized one, two, and too many times the house. The orange tabby cat was looking at everything curious, unaccustomed to your rapid pace.

You put your favorite Beatles song on replay while you showered, still in a good mood. Another album that Jason got you growing up, I've Just Seen A Face was a song that you would hum to yourself while moving from site to site, much to Jason’s despair. “I got you their whole discography and you choose this one to be your favorite? I failed to raise you", he would tease.

Your hurried moves of getting ready for whenever Joel showed up (you forgot to settle a time) mimicked the song's fast rhythm, just like the lyrics translated everything you had built up since that first meeting at the Tipsy Bison. Jason didn't understand the ways to someone's heart, but you did. At least you hoped for it.

Separating Springsteen's Born In The U.S.A., you took another look around the house and realized you would have to wait, impatiently, for Joel. Checked your breath, your hair, your underwear – even if you weren’t planning to go that far tonight, ate something and kept humming the Beatles’ song until a knock at the door echoed.

Your heart sank as you opened the door, green eyes staring at you instead of the dark brown eyes you wanted. Alfie stood at your door with his brows furrowed.

“Hello, Dolly.”

“Alfie, what are you doing here?” Your politeness forgotten, what if Joel saw the man there? Could he see something more behind it? He would show up at any given moment.

“Need to talk with you. It’s important.” He tried, hard on the eyes and making a motion asking permission to come inside. “It’s about Maria. She is up to something with Nath, I need your help with it.”

"Wait, what do you mean?" Your curiosity was piqued, a split second forgetting about Joel.

“I mean she’ll try to take Nath’s spot at the council. Now, can I come in?” A chill went down your spine. You remembered Maria's words about Esther's presence at the council, of how she wouldn't fall for Nath's "bad schemes".

Making space for him to get inside, your eyes scanned the street once more in search of the dark brown eyed man. It was still somewhat early in the night, you knew Joel wouldn't forget your invite, but for this moment the only pair of eyes inside your mind was blue ones.

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[httpiastri]

don't mind me, i'm just crying listening to vienna and thinking about ollie…….

[clandestinegardenias]

First draft of my VegasPete University AU is complete and we’re clocking in just over 31,000 words, y’all. And it fucking SLAYS.