#the great satan vote

[sher-ee]

“Tanned Satan”

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

[mammonscheeks]

obey me brothers playing dress to impress

✎ a/n: for anyone who doesn't know, dress to impress is a fashion competition game on roblox.. just search it up on tiktok if you don't know!

LUCIFER thinks the whole game is stupid, but plays it once in a while to bond with his brothers. he sticks on theme, but adds his own personal 'goth/dark academia' flare to every outfit. he usually gets on the podium because most of his brothers vote him 5 stars (save for Satan and Belphegor), but he only gives them what he thinks they deserve.

MAMMON stays on theme, but doesn't care about dressing too great. he's just farming for money. usually doesn't end up on the podium. sometimes he just runs around collecting the money instead of working on his outfit. if the theme is something he likes, like 'street style' he goes all out.

LEVIATHAN actually takes the game seriously. he dresses the best he can, adheres to every theme perfectly, etc. his favorite theme is cosplay. if people vote unfairly or he doesn't get on the podium, he gets confrontational over chat.

SATAN puts his best effort into the outfits and LOVES the dark academia theme. he likes making references to pop culture, literature, etc. like for example, dressing up as a harry potter character. if he doesn't get on the podium but people with worse outfits do, he bullies them... he knows they're little kids, but he doesn't care.

ASMODEUS slays at every single outfit, because he's been alive for so long he knows everything about human fashion trends, subcultures, etc. he does try and add his own favorite style to every outfit, which is probably something like "coquette" into his outfits. When other people are on the runway, he's very verbal. He types things like "so cute!" and "ew" depending on the person's outfit. Votes honestly.

BEELZEBUB doesn't really care too much about the game. when he plays with his brothers, he just votes them all 5 stars out of kindness, even if their outfits are shit. beel's outfits are mid, he usually doesn't get on the podium, but places in the mid-range area. he wishes there were more food props his character could hold.

BELPHEGOR does not put any effort into his outfits. he votes all of his brothers 1 star because he thinks watching the whole fashion show is boring and tiring. the only theme he slays at is the slumber party theme because he has opinions on what pajamas look cute and what pajamas look ugly.

[cherrygenshin]

Obey Me! Rut HC's - pt.2

Warnings: NSFW, SMUT. Minors DNI. Again, no special warnings, just breeding.

GN reader.

Satan

His rut is average, lasting up to a week.

He's not too big on nest building, he finds it gets too stuffy in his room with too many items in it (let's be real, it's really cause it won't fit due to all his damn books)

Actually remains kinda the same? Just touchier?

Won't let you leave his room once you enter, if you do leave he won't let you back in, no matter how desperate he gets.

Snaps VERY quickly, but will try his best to keep his cool around you. He's just so worked up, he can't handle the pressure.

In post nut clarity he will be very smoochy to you, thanking you for putting up with him and giving you the best food he can find.

He's not great at regulating his emotions at the best of times, but now instead of 'ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY' his mind is full of 'BREED BREED BREED'.

Enjoys bending you over so he can pound in to you and groan lewdly in your ear.

PLEASE scratch him up, your marks on him means he's fucking you just right, he wants to see them.

Asmodeous

Longest rut out of everyone, tbh he kinda always wants to breed and be bred so it's not that different for him.

He will seek you out the moment he feels it coming. He normally has demons lining up around the block for a chance with him, but he'll choose you over anyone else. Of course, if you're down to enjoy his rut with more people, then he's down for that too.

Prefers being bred over breeding, I HC that he's got both a juicy cunt AND a nice dick. He uses both, but definitely prefers getting his pussy filled.

You think Levi was loud? Try Asmo. He LOVES the sound of his voice, and he knows you love it too. He will moan the house down.

He's ridiculously sensitive and very bratty, will try and push you further in to him/push himself further in to you, he's very needy.

Unlike his brothers, he's actually not very clingy during his rut, and enjoys his personal space, like taking nice long baths before the next wave of horniness overcomes him.

Overall he's very casual about the whole thing. You wanna breed him? Okay. You want him to breed you? Easy done. As long as someone gets to enjoy him, he's happy.

Beelzebub

Another vote for average rut length, lasts about a week.

Enjoys making a lil nest for you and him to spend the week in, takes pride in his nest building abilities.

OKAY so, Beel wants a family. Idc what anyone says, he's a family man through and through.

Being that he wants a family, his rut hits him very hard. His desire to breed completely overwhelms him, he becomes the most animalistic out of all his brothers.

Also, BIG DICK = LOTS OF CUM

He will FOLD you like a deck chair, just to shove his cock as far into you as he possibly can.

Grunts and groans, will also grip you tight enough to leave bruises, he just loves u so much he wants to be as close to you as possible

"Gonna cum in you darling", "gonna make you a parent", "Fuck- you're gonna be so hot carrying my child."

Will literally carry you to impale u on his dick if you get too tired, he is not stopping until you're pregnant.

Belphegor

Lucky ass bitch has the shortest rut, lasting only two or so days.

Probably will sleep through it ngl wet dream city

If he happens to be awake, he won't ask for help directly, he'll just expect it.

He kinda already has a nest in the attic, won't really add much more to it. He'd rather preserve energy to be able to fuck you properly.

Another for 'I don't really want kids but damn nutting in u is kinda nice'

Gets more whiny during his rut, when he's close he'll let out the most angelic soft moans and whines you've ever heard.

Although he isn't super energetic on the best of days, being in his rut really saps all his energy. He's got a cycle of fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep.

Unfortunately you will have to feed him as he really does put his all in to fucking you, he doesn't even have the energy to feed himself afterwards.

Big on show, don't tell. He won't tell you how much he loves you (he's getting better at expressing his emotions, but he's getting better!) But the way he holds you close as he sleeps says more than words ever will.

[fictional-actors-bracket]

Round 3.3

Propaganda under the cut

Muppets: "THEY ARE THE ACTORS OF ALL TIME. HAUNTED MANSION. TREASURE ISLAND. A CHRISTMAS CAROL. THEY’VE DONE IT ALL!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE VOTE MUPPETS! DO IT FOR MISS PIGGY!!

Hermie the Unworthy: "Known for his method acting. Originally preparing for his role as the Joker in a stage play adaption of the 2019 movie, he then cycles through many other DC villains as various thematically appropriate traumas happen to him. (Half his face burned - two face, poisoned by a tree witch - poison ivy, needs to trap people with riddles - riddler). But he can do more than just Batman villains, hermie can become anyone. He can become a manager at a pizza place, Kiera knightly from bend it like Beckham and even a goth girl whose dad is about to die. This is because he’s just such a great actor (and also because one of his biological dads is revealed to be a shapeshifting trickster being. The other one is Satan, yes he’s the product of mpreg dont worry about it). He doesn’t act for the money but for the love of the craft (and crippling identity issues) and he deserves the win bc he never wins anything fucking else."

bonus

[jackolantern707]

Life on a farm

WHB AU

Note: First time writting, bad grammar, English is not my 1st language

just read the story for fun...

—

Interviewer: Welcome back to [Unseen Wonders], where we explore the world’s most extraordinary places.

Interviewer: We will always choose where to go next based on votes. That's why…

Interviewer: Today, we're at a secluded farm that's won awards globally for its exceptional livestock and crops... The H&H Farm!!!!

Interviewer: With me is MC, the owner of this incredible farm. And I already got her permission to do this interview. So, MC, what’s the secret to your farm’s unparalleled success?

MC: Oh, it’s all thanks to my wonderful assistants —my ‘pets.’ They’re absolutely the key to everything here (^o^/

Interviewer: Your pets? That's interesting! What exactly do they do?

MC: I’m so happy that you asked!! My lovely pets, each of them has their own roles. And they’re not just ordinary pets…! They’re remarkable creatures that keep everything in my farm running smoothly! I'm so grateful to have them!

MC: Oh yeah, let me explain more clearly (OwO)

MC: There are two types in this farm: the hunting and the guarding.

Interviewer: That sounds intriguing. Could you tell me more about them?

MC: Of course! The hunting ones are incredibly strong and athletic, and they have a strong prey drive. 

MC: The two that are always the first to face any threats are Satan and Gabriel. Even though they fight each other frequently in the farm when they're off duty... well usually Lucifer will get angry if they dare to be distracted in the middle of the misson, haha, my lovely boys are an absolutely great combination in hunting. 

MC: Satan and Gabriel are actually the reason why my little cart always gets filled with different things when we prepare to go back home.

MC: Oh and did I say it? All of my boys have a good sense of smell, but there are two of them that stick out a mile. Well to be honest, Beelzebub has the best nose among my pets, which is really nice cus he knows how to track down things and alert all of us to any potential dangers. 

MC: The other one is Raphael, well.. he just like Beelzebub… Uhm… both of them … are good at dealing with the mess left behind by Satan and Gabriel (nervous smile)

Interviewer: Absolutely interesting! There’re actually a type of animal who knows how to clean?! Can I see them?!!

MC: Hahaha… right… animals… cleaning (in their stomach) Maybe I’ll show you later.

Interviewer: What about the guarding ones?

MC: Ah, the guardians are just as amazing too! They have a very strong protective instinct and are fiercely loyal. They watch over the livestock and my property, also deterring any threats. 

MC: Both Mammon and Lucifer are ‘quite’ large and powerful, capable of handling any danger that comes their way. 

MC: They’re also trained to patrol and make their own decisions, ensuring that everything is safe and secure too… Oh hey Mammon, what’re you doing here?

(Mammon gives MC a water bottle, but.. why his eyes doesn't smile?)

MC: Thanks Mammon! Huh? Why are you off duty now! Lucifer is going to get angry you know!

(Mammon points at the top of the watching tower, where can barely see a figure, looking down this way)

MC: Uhm… you know I can't see anything right? Omg whatever, I'm in the middle of an interview, you go back with your duties okay?! ¬_¬

Mammon: (nod) (proceed to stand behind her back)

Interviewer: (didn’t know why he’s shivering) I-It seems like they’re dedicated to their work… I-Is there anything else unique about them?

MC: Well, I often combine their guarding duties with herding you know. Cause the guarding group has a natural instinct to manage livestock, which is why I need to make use of that!

MC: Using their body language and eye contact to control the livestock. They’re just incredible!

MC: You should see my beautiful boy Leviathan! He's like an idol in our farm! All my little animals are charmed by him! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

MC: Hah… Especially when he takes care of the newborns… Just like a natural mother!!! But if you get a little too close… Hehe he is actually quite sensitive.

MC: Ah now I notice! The one who is perfect for the herding job must be Michael! Haha he’s both fast and fearful enough that whenever it’s time to gather the sheep, not a single one dares to step out of line. Sometimes I also got herd too!

Interviewer: So you haven’t got any stock lost? That's not something any farm could do!!!

MC: Of course! Not only I didn't lose anything, more precisely, I even got more of them!!!!! The goods and livestock, I don't even know where they come from!!!

Interview: How could that happen?!

MC: I don’t know! Whenever it's time to go back home, I give command to everyone to return, and suddenly, the one who I thought was skipping his duty, Asmodeus appears out of nowhere with a bunch of animals behind him! There’re even some random things in his hands which he smiles innocently and only said that he was given these! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

Interviewer: Haha so there is actually a lazy one who skips duties on the farm. I thought Miss MC’s farm was like a whole factory instead!

MC: I don't think he lazy.... Urg…. talk about being lazy…. There is a 24/7 lazy one…

Interviewer: Huh there is another? Wouldn’t your…. uh Lucifer get angry if anyone skip their duties?

MC: Well… if there weren't any serious danger, I mean like absolutely dangerous, he wouldn't even wake up. 

Interviewer: A serious danger? Please can you talk more about… uh him?

MC: Haha you’re a curious one! I haven’t seen anyone who loves to dig into other life this much like you! :)

Interviewer: Ahaha… haha.. I-I’m just a vlogger who enjoys seeing everything in this world you know. 

MC: But… curiosity killed the cat you know…

MC: Anyway! The reason that Belphegor got off being told by Lucifer is because he actually watches us in our sleep!

Interviewer: ……..Wh-What do you mean by that?

MC: Huh I haven't made myself clear? Belphegor is like a sleeping guardian! Usually Lucifer is the main defend in the day, but when night falls, that's when Belphegor takes over Lucifer's job. 

MC: But… I haven’t seen him doing anything except sleeping. 

MC: Oh right there was one night long long ago, I heard a lot of screeching sound, but then it slowly quieter, and it's like… everything is darkness… I just know that it's okay to sleep again because Belphegor said don't worry though ( •̀ .•́ )✧

Interviewer: Oh wow… Your pets… They're amazing…! I-I’d love to see them in person. If they could appear on this video, it would go viral!!! Do you think we could—

(Suddenly, one of the guarding pets inside the house, with a menacing gaze looking through the window glass, widen their eyes. Other pets start sniffing the air. Their eyes narrow as some of them keep a good distance, others slowly approach the interviewer.)

Interviewer: (shivering nervously) Uh… Miss MC…? Wh-What is happening?!… They doesn’t seem—

MC: Oh, don’t worry. They’re just being cautious. They’re very protective toward me of course.

Interviewer: C-Cautious? About wh—

(As the guarding starts to roar, other pets begin to screech simultaneously, the interviewer's realization dawns. He quickly grabs the camera and run away)

Interviewer: “This is xxx from [Unseen Wonders]. If you’re watching this, something’s gone terribly wrong in the H&H Farm. There are beas—”

(The live feed cuts off abruptly as two white figures pounce on him. Screams echo as the scene turns chaotic. Blood splash on screen)

MC: It’s all right, my lovely boys. I'm okay.

MC: You were a bit too curious for your own good though. But hey, don’t worry, they’re just doing their job.

MC: Oh right, I may say this too late, but… Welcome to my farm!

(Later, MC is seen in the kitchen, preparing a meal as her pets gather around, content and *not fully* fed.)

—

Hunting: Gabriel, Satan, Raphael, Beelzebub

Guarding: Mammon, Lucifer, Leviathan, Belphegor, Asmodeus, Michael

—

P/s: I watched too much those herding dogs and guardian dogs videos ＞﹏＜

Thanks for reading! -🎃

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Loser Round 4: Damian Wayne (DC) vs. Jason Todd (DC)

A rematch? It's so funny how the bracket turned out this way.

Propaganda under the cut.

Damian Wayne (9-14):

Damian is a kid who was raised as an assassin and because of that when he first appears he has some really messed up ideas of how to prove himself to his father by being aggressive with the criminals they capture and attacking his brother. Because of this people act like he is the most evil character ever and refuse to give him any grace. They make him out to be this awful irredeemable monster who just wants to kill his brother and hurt people. If the fandom isn’t making his out to be The Worst(tm) then they are ignoring his existence all-together. He is a really interesting character who has done some not so great things but he’s grown and learned a lot through various character arcs (as much of an arc as a comic book character can have) and he deserves to be acknowledged for himself and not just as a villain so that people can woobify his brother.

——

HES JUST A LITTLE BABY GUY!!!!! Little baby man raised as an assassin and learning how to be a real person <3. But because he was kind of a dick and also a little stabby early-on, especially to the fandom's main "so sad uwu depressed baby" blorbo (and also he's not white), people treat him like he's satan incarnate

Jason Todd (~12):

Most of the Tumblr fandom likes this guy but if you step outside this website then wham so many people say he got what he deserved as a kid and Batman can't be cool if he's a dad so it's important for Batman to trash-talk his dead child constantly so we can all agree what a bad idea it was. Also wanna highlight that a lot of the records we have from fans at the time were clear they disliked Robin for BEING a child. Like a lot of the little dude characters in this tournament are treated too harshly for making an ugly choice and the fans aren't being understanding or sympathetic that the choice is made by a child character who is immature and not developed and strong enough to make a good choice and stuff. But THIS little dude was specifically hated FOR being a child. People wanted tough loner guy Batman not Batdad and his little buddy. The first Robin would drive back from college and guest star sometimes and be advertised as the Teen Wonder and people were like yeah okay but then Batman actually starts being a single parent for a child with needs and people were like UGH not the BOY Wonder. Today pretty much everywhere you see Batman fans saying Batman is better solo, no kid, it's not realistic to have a kid, a kid shouldn't be in the movies blah. Even if the comics they always find a way to send away the new kid so that Batman never has to parent. So all the Robins are being excluded from the narrative but I think this one is THE symbol of Batman fans hating a child character just for being a child.

-

Robin, Jason Todd, THE hated child character. In the 1980s, Batman comics had become increasingly dark and gritty. According to editor O'Neil himself, the courted audience wasn't kids but 19-40 year old men with disposable income. Batman's child sidekick, Robin, was offensively campy and childish. Fans called him wimpy, annoying, dumb, bratty, etc. Also people complained that Batman acting like an affectionate dad was unmanly and gay. Robin acts violent and emotional and people are like "ew he's so childish and emotional"—and then Batman literally acts just as murderously and emotionally within literally the same exact story and people are like "wow he's so dark and tortured". So in 1988 (after brutalizing Batgirl to get rid of her for being too bright and nice and kid-friendly), DC held a paid poll for fans to vote for Robin to live or die. O'Neil claims he heard a fan (a grown man with a dayjob as a lawyer) programmed a phone to spam kill votes. One fanguy claimed that he sold his Mercedes to buy kill votes (probably an exaggeration but still). By less than 1% margin, the vote decided to kill Robin in a spectacularly violent way. Anyway the 1989 Batman movie brought in a huge wave of new child comicbook fans who liked the new Robin (a very cool teenage high school Robin with a driver's license and a girlfriend), and DC started a separate Robin-less Batman series called Legends of the Dark Knight to make the anti-Robin writers and fans happy. But to this day, many fans agree it was a good idea to kill off the other Robin so that his foolish death reminds other characters to never be childish and stupid again. Bonus: the current Robin (usually a traumatized 10-year-old) has also been facing some pretty loud hatred for over 15 years.

[distressed-devilsitter]

Obey me! Period Headcannons

Wrote this at 2am the other day, waiting for the motrin to kick in. Enjoy!

TW: Gender neutral mc who has periods. Descriptions of blood, pain, and the reproductive system. Light vomit warning in Asmo's part.

As always, minors DNI 🔞.

Lucifer

Of course Lucifer knows what a period is. He was there when father designed humans, after all.

Periods, however, were not his idea.

Sadly, Lucifer was out voted when it came to designing the human reproductive system. Michael said something along the lines of "sin" and "punishment" but Lucifer had stopped listening at that point.

When Lucifer is informed that the exchange student menstruates, he pulls out all the stops.

The House of Lamentation is fully stocked with every period product imaginable. Pads, tampons, diva cups...

Lucifer's goal is to make your stay in the Devildom as comfortable as possible.

Lucifer deeply cares for you, but he's not great with emotions. If you have mood swings or, Diavolo forbid, cry, he'll cave to any demand.

7/10, he'll get you whatever you want on your period. Just pout a bit and he's yours.

Mammon

A w h a t

You have to sit Mammon down with an encyclopedia, several diagrams - the works. Mammon might have been around when Lucifer and father created humans, but that doesn't mean he was paying attention.

He has so many questions. This happens every month? There are cramps? It can be different colors? Indulge him, mc, he wants to learn!

Mammon becomes very concerned if you're in pain while menstruating. He'll push motrin into your hands and give you his heating pad.

From that moment on, Mammon keeps spare pads and ibuprofen in his bag. He'll give them out to anyone who needs it.

Wings? Extra long? Super absorbent? Whatever you need, Mammon is your guy!

10/10, we all need a Mammon in our lives.

Levi

His knowledge of the reproductive system comes entirely from anime.

While some shows are excellent at normalizing periods, other have...more questionable content.

As a result, Leviathan has some strange and vaguely outdated notions about periods.

For example, he'll treat you like Nightbringer Satan on the first few days of your period. He's hesitant to approach you, and leaves offerings of chocolate. It would be cute if it wasn't so insulting.

Sit this introvert down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Be honest with how his behavior makes you feel, and he'll change his ways.

If that doesn't work, have him watch episode two of Please Tell Me! Galko-Chan. He'll shape up quickly.

5/10, most likely to believe that it's "that time of the month" whenever you're upset.

Satan

Satan knows what periods are, but his knowledge is purely theoretical. He's never been around a menstruating human before.

He ends up treating you like a science experiment. Depending on how close you are, he'll ask slightly invasive questions. How heavy is your flow today? How are your cramps? Here, MC try this herb, he's done some research and -

Is he feeding off your anger?

Wait. You know that look. It's the one Beel has when he sees food. How Belphie looks before he compells someone to slip into a dark, dreamless slumber.

Feel free to hand him over to Lucifer at this point. He'll hang in the HoL for so long, you'll start to think he's part of the decor.

If you're in a romantic relationship with him? The difference is night and day. He's ready with chocolates, extra pads, motrin...the works!

Either a 0/10 or a 10/10. How he treats you depends on your relationship.

Asmo

Asmodeus has been fucking humans since time immemorial. He knows what a period is and how the human reproductive system works.

He also probably has a few mini-mes running around, but that's neither here nor there.

Look, hun, he loves you, but he's not great with...bodily fluids. He'll pull back your hair if you vomit, but he will complain the entire time.

He's also a sympathy gagger. If you start, it sets him off and nobody wins.

Despite his shortcomings, Asmo will care for you in his own way. This includes copious amounts of skincare (you might feel awful, but he won't let you look awful) and making sure you get eight hours of sleep.

Yes, he'll complain if you stain his sheets (Those were skill, MC! Silk!) but he'll give you a fresh set of pjs and make sure you're comfortable before he does a load of laundry.

5/10, tries his best because he loves you, but is squicked out by the human reproductive system.

Beel

Doesn't know what a period is. Immediate asks if it's edible. (Oh, honey...)

He grimaces when you explain. You have horrible pain and bleed from your nether regions for a week straight? (Briefly, he wonders which angel thought this was an excellent way for humans to reproduce. He knows Lucifer was instrumental in helping father design homosapiens, but this is one idea he can't imagine his brother suggesting.)

By some miracle, Beel finds a period tracking app and downloads it on his phone. He'll keep track of your symptoms and remind you when your cycle is about to start.

Does Beel keep pads/tampons in his backpack in case you need them? Yes. Does he occasionally mistake them for food? Also yes.

He also keeps pain killers in his backpack in case you forget them. If you ask nicely, he'll even share his snacks with you!

Overall, 10/10, a sweet boy who tries hard to make sure you're comfortable.

Belphegor

For all his faults, Belphegor is well read. He knows what a period is but hasn't thought about it much...until he met you.

Another one who's not great with emotions. He loves you, but his first instinct is to out-brat you if your hormones have you on the war path.

He can't stand seeing you in pain. If your cramps are so bad that motrin can't help, he'll use his powers to coax you to sleep.

6/10, most likely to knock you out with his powers and have you sleep through the whole thing.

[risetherivermoon]

im bored, have a bunch of specific headcanons i have about the s1 dads (including a few abt jodie & paeden)

- glenn's boots have a bit of a lift and heel to them, and add about three inches to his height, (he wears them because of this) henry thought he and glenn were the same height until glenn had taken them off at one point,

- darryl's baseball cap used to be franks

- henry has really good reflexes, and has almost hit people before when spooked, (he feels incredibly guilty abt this)

- ron has incredibly light blue eyes AND has a staring problem

- glenn cuts his own hair, as well as nicks,

- henry's only friends growing up were a couple of talking birds in oakvale

- ron does not know how to shave and he cant grow a beard

- darryl watches The Great British Bake Off while alone

- glenn has a massive vinyl collection but no record player

- paeden thought being vegan meant you ate only trees, he only learned it wasn't that when he got his frank memories back

- henry is so blonde that he looks like he doesn't have eyelashes

- ron combs his mustache every morning

- post-realms trip, darryl shaved off his beard at one point and scared glenn really bad early that morning, out of protest glenn started calling him 'butt naked darryl'

- jodie is a huge star wars nerd

- henry got another pair of glasses once they returned from the forgotten realms, they lasted two weeks before darryl accidentally stepped on them

- when the dads were to preoccupied with something and weren't paying attention to paeden he would climb up darryls shoulders and try to nose dive onto the ground, (they would usually catch him or stop him before he did)

- jodie got his title as king of hell because he beat satan in a rock paper scissors battle

- glenn tried to learn how to skateboard as a teenager but fell and chipped his tooth on the side walk, he did not try again

- ron doesn't know he can vote

- henry didn't legally exist for around 6 years after he ended up on earth, he and mercedes only realized it was a problem when they tried to get married

- darryl has had two concussions in his lifetime

- at ron and samantha's wedding ron tripped and fell while saying his vows

[starchiest-potato-tournament]

POTATO TOURNAMENT

@truepotatogod @small-potato @ssllutty-potato @medium-potato @big--potato @big-potatos-spouse @big-fuckin-potato @anti-potato @pinkbimbopotato @potato-murderer @sparkle-potato @mikupotato @pygmalion-god-of-potatoes @gay-potat0 @aye-scottish-potato @i-say-potato @potatopostarchive-unofficial @i-count-potatoes @wizard-potato @wizard--potato @invisible--potato @anime-potato-uwu @barbie-potato @emo-potato-rawr @amurricapotato @juses-son-of-the-great-starch @satan-potato @just-an-average-potato-lol @anything-but-average-potato @neutral-potato-or-not-idfk @sweet-potato-uwu @ghost-potato-spooky @yourpotatobrotato @potato-behind-the-slaughter @play-games-with-a-potato @artist-potato @the-irish-potato @potato-post-approver @lore-potato @late-potato @smurf-cat-potato @despatato @antipotatogang @potatoesaaa @thecoolerpotato (edit) @very-teeny-potato @tastygoldentaters

IF YOU ARENT HERE AND WANT TO BE HERE TELL ME IN THE REPLIES!! AS LONG AS YOU ENTER BEFORE WE REACH THE LAST BLOG ON THE LIST YOU MAY ENTER ^-^

wait why am I screaming

Anywho, every poll is one day. Try your best! You may reblog with quotes from your blog do rack up votes ^-^

We'll see who shall be crowned starchiest potato! (Not the best name so suggest other names if you'd like)

Round 1

[anexperimentallife]

JD Vance Just Blurbed a Book Arguing That Progressives Are Subhuman

As I keep pointing out, anyone who has studied 1930s-40s German history will tell you that today's GOP is cribbing directly from the Nazi playbook. Even their "support" of Israel's genocidal colonialist settler state (and lip service "support" of non-Israeli Jews) is primarily rooted in a combination of antisemitism, white supremacy, and Islamophobia. (Gift link at the bottom of the article excerpt.)

Michelle Goldberg writes:

---

In a normal political environment, there would be little need to pay attention to a new book by the far-right provocateur Jack Posobiec, who is probably best known for promoting the conspiracy theory that Democrats ran a satanic child abuse ring beneath a popular Washington pizzeria. But “Unhumans,” an anti-democratic screed that Posobiec co-wrote with the professional ghostwriter Joshua Lisec, comes with endorsements from some of the most influential people in Republican politics, including, most significantly, vice-presidential candidate JD Vance.

The word “fascist” gets thrown around a lot in politics, but it’s hard to find a more apt one for “Unhumans,” which came out last month. The book argues that leftists don’t deserve the status of human beings — that they are, as the title says, unhumans — and that they are waging a shadow war against all that is good and decent, which will end in apocalyptic slaughter if they are not stopped. “As they are opposed to humanity itself, they place themselves outside of the category completely, in an entirely new misery-driven subdivision, the unhuman,” write Posobiec and Lisec.

As they tell it, modern progressivism is just the latest incarnation of an ancient evil dating back to the late Roman Republic and continuing through the French Revolution and Communism to today. Often, they write, “great men of means” are required to crush this scourge. The contempt for democracy in “Unhumans” is not subtle. “Our study of history has brought us to this conclusion: Democracy has never worked to protect innocents from the unhumans,” write Posobiec and Lisec.

One of their book’s heroes is the Spanish dictator Francisco Franco, who overthrew the democratic Second Spanish Republic in the country’s 1930s civil war. The authors call him a “great man of history” and compare him to George Washington. They quote him on what doesn’t work against the unhuman threat: “We do not believe in government through the voting booth. The Spanish national will was never freely expressed through the ballot box.”

Nakedly authoritarian ideas like this one are not uncommon in the dank corners of the reactionary internet, or among the sort of groups that led the Jan. 6 insurrection. “Unhumans” lauds Augusto Pinochet, leader of the Chilean military junta who led a coup against Salvador Allende’s elected government in 1973, ushering in a reign of torture and repression that involved tossing political enemies from helicopters.

Pinochet-inspired helicopter memes have been common in the MAGA movement for years. And as the historian David Austin Walsh wrote last year, there’s long been a cult of Franco on the right. Nevertheless, it’s extremely unusual for a candidate for vice president of the United States to openly align himself with autocratic terror.

Vance provided the first blurb on the “Unhumans” book jacket. “In the past, communists marched in the streets waving red flags. Today, they march through H.R., college campuses and courtrooms to wage lawfare against good, honest people,” he wrote. “Jack Posobiec and Joshua Lisec reveal their plans and show us what to do to fight back.”

Other endorsements come from Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump Jr., a key figure in his father’s presidential campaign. The foreword is by Stephen Bannon, Donald Trump’s former chief strategist.

Now, it is always possible that Vance recommended “Unhumans” without actually reading it, a practice that’s not unheard-of in book publishing. But unless and until he credibly distances himself from it, we should take him at his word that he shares the book’s analysis. After all, some of the language in “Unhumans” resembles his own rhetoric.

“The great American counterrevolution to depose the Cultural Marxists must occur on all terrains of society they currently possess and on those they aim to seize,” write Posobiec and Lisec, adding, “It is achievable but only with the resolve of Franco and the thoroughness of McCarthy.” (They mean Joseph McCarthy, another of the book’s icons.) Compare that to what Vance said on the alt-right podcast “Jack Murphy Live” in 2021, when he argued that Republicans, upon taking power, should purge their opponents the way Iraq’s government once purged members of Saddam Hussein’s Baath Party.

“I tend to think that we should seize the institutions of the left and turn them against the left,” said Vance. “We need like a de-Baathification program, but like a de-wokification program in the United States.” He argued that “we don’t have a real constitutional republic anymore,” suggesting that Donald Trump need not be limited by the norms of republican governance. Trump, said Vance, should “fire every single midlevel bureaucrat, every civil servant in the administrative state, replace them with our people.” And if the courts try to stand in his way, Trump should “stand before the country like Andrew Jackson did and say: ‘The chief justice has made his ruling. Now let him enforce it.’”

You can and should laugh at Vance’s melodramatic self-importance and creepy subcultural fixations. (On “Jack Murphy Live,” Vance respectfully references Curtis Yarvin, a right-wing blogger popular in reactionary Silicon Valley circles who calls for replacing democracy with a sort of techno-monarchy.) It’s good that Democrats have found, in the epithet “weird,” simple language to describe the 4Chan side of the Republican Party. But in the Venn diagram between “weird” and “dangerous,” there’s a lot of overlap.

“Much like the United States founding fathers, Franco and his fellows saw themselves as rebels intended to overthrow a corrupt, tyrannical government that aided and abetted murder and rape as well as other repugnant sins,” write Posobiec and Lisec. We should take seriously the possibility that Vance and his fellows see themselves the same way.

Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/05/opinion/jd-vance-fascism-unhumans.html?unlocked_article_code=1.A04.-t6I.Jie2a3Abas5a&smid=url-share

[olderthannetfic]

I know with social media the way it is, and how horrible the us political climate is, that this sort of response to Audrey as an OTW candidate was probably just a ticking time bomb. But damn, I went to her actual Twitter, and honestly? She seems like one of those old-style, fiscal conservative Republicans who may want to change things from within the party, however unlikely that may be. She literally pointed out how small govt means less govt messing with our rights, and how the current Republican national party is hypocritical about that.

So many of her typical tweetings (?) are pretty socially progressive. If she's in deep south Missouri, it may be that she had to run Republican for any chance of changing things for the better in her local area.

I do not support Republicans as a whole. I think they ARE dragging the country to a horrific, fundamentalist grave. But she is an individual, and from what I can tell, supportive of lgbtq rights and freedom of speech on the internet. I likely would not have voted for her anyway, but nothing she has done or said so far has earned her the hate and vitriol she has received over such a short period.

Tiffany was ALSO not a CCP spy working for the Chinese govt. She was literally not even in confirmed to BE in China for fucks sake. Chinese people have been leaving the country in droves! Was she a good fit for the board? Hell no! But she wasn't voted in, was she?

I'm just so exhausted of people assuming the absolute worst and going on a hate campaign based off their own misinformed assumptions. This is not helping anyone see the "left" or "proshippers" or whatever our "side" is, as reasonable, helpful people.

I'm exhausted of defending people whose positions I don't even agree with, because the people I do "agree" with are acting so abhorrently.

What are your thoughts on this?

--

Yeah, that's my read on her in the context of local US politics. Running as an independent and then a Republican where she is is typical of people with her type of platform. It doesn't make her Fundie Satan.

Like Tiffany, there are plenty of different reasons not to vote for her, so we don't need to worry so much about the minutia of her political stances. Only if she were a great candidate but with a couple of red flags would we need to dig into this.

Like I said last year, working for OTW means having people assume the worst constantly and come for you with pitchforks. There are reasons it's not attractive above and beyond internal mismanagement. It's hard to get enough people to run for Board to even have a contested election. We usually do these days, but in the past, we often didn't. It was just people taking turns to jump on the grenade.

This kind of response to someone agreeing to the worst job in OTW just reaffirms that it's not worth it and discourages future candidates.

I think everyone should chillax and vote in somebody else.

ETA: and while this has been sitting in the queue, it has become a moot point anyway.

[munson-blurbs]

@corrodedcoffinfest Day 8: Band Politics

Word Count: 614/Rating: T/Pairing: none/CW: conflict, mild political discourse/Tags: Eddie Munson, Gareth, Jeff, Grant, Robin Buckley, angst, arguments

Divider credit to @silkholland

December 1988

“They want us to do what?”

Eddie can hardly believe his ears. This must be the result of too many years of loud music, riffs heard from The Hideout to Madison Square Garden. No, there is absolutely no way–

Robin gives the boys a look that says she’s just as shocked as they are. “I asked if they had the wrong number. But, nope. They want you to play at Bush's inauguration.”

“No fucking way.” Eddie drums his fingers on his chair, glancing around the band manager’s office. “The same assholes who spent the last five years telling us that our music was the work of Satan are now asking us to play at the White House?”

“Technically,” Jeff interjects, “they’re asking us to play at the Capitol.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, crossing one leg over the other. “Whatever. The point stands–we’re not doing it.”

“Says who?” Gareth scoffs.

“Yeah, don’t we get a vote?” Grant’s voice takes on a challenging tone; it grates at Eddie like nails on a chalkboard. “I didn’t realize that this was the Eddie Munson Band.”

They can’t be serious, Eddie thinks. They’re just giving me a hard time. Busting my balls.

Robin speaks up before any of them can talk again. “It’ll draw plenty of attention. No one is expecting Corroded Coffin to be at the inauguration.” She grazes her teeth over her lower lip, peeling back a bit of pale pink lipstick. “Talk it over, but we need an answer by tomorrow.”

“We already have our answer. It’s a big, fat, no way in hell.”

Gareth stands up, placing himself right in front of Eddie. “We have the chance to play in front of the entire country, and you’re gonna throw that away, for what?”

“To prove a point.”

“What point? That we don’t want more people listening to our music?”

“That we’re not sell-outs!” Eddie slammed his fists on the chair’s wooden arms. “I’m not gonna kiss politicians’ corrupt asses just for a few more fans. It goes against everything we stand for!”

Jeff sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “Okay, but picture this: kids watching the inauguration, their parents and teachers thinking that they’re getting this great educational experience, and then—BOOM! They hear real music for the first time in their lives. Because of us.” He raises his brows. “This performance could shape the future of metal.”

Eddie chortles. “‘Shape the future of metal’? What kind of kumbaya bullshit is that?” Pretending not to notice the hurt on his friend’s face, he digs his heels in deeper. “How about the fans we already have thinking that we’re pro-government. Might as well stop playing all of our songs about anarchy.”

Grant gets to his feet next. “It’s three against one, dude. Just give it up. We can’t throw away this opportunity.”

“Well, good luck going on without your lead singer.” With that, Eddie storms out. A pit lays where his stomach should be, heavy with the weight of anger. 

The guys could do whatever they wanted. They could bend over and spread ‘em for those hoity-toity politicians. All of the new fans they might acquire means nothing if they had to sell their souls to get them. 

Eddie had spent all of his teenage years living with the rumors of devil-worshiping escapades masquerading as Dungeons & Dragons campaigns. He certainly wasn’t going to start worshiping actual evil entities—the ones who sat in their gigantic mansions and cut welfare and foodstamps and Social Security benefits without batting an eye—just for more fame. 

Maybe I’m an asshole, he thinks, pushing open the door and stomping into the lobby, but at least I’m not a goddamn sell-out. 

--

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Unfamiliar

Part 2

Demon!Grim gets summoned by a bunch of kids accidentally and immediately decides to adopt them in retaliation

<P1

Grim tried not to look too put upon as the kids rubbed his head. It wasn’t hard — it was, kind of, a nice feeling, just a little embarrassing.

At least cats aren’t particularly expressive creatures.

“What should we call him?” Trinity mused.

“Are we sure it’s a ‘him’?” Deuce asked.

The three kids hesitated, briefly.

“If Trinity says it’s a him then it probably is,” decided Ace. “That demon guy said ‘create’ a lot, didn’t he? It’s probably her choice, then.”

They nodded their agreement, vehemently, their faces bright red.

Oh thank Satan for the innocence of children.

“So… names,” said Ace, leaning back against the bed with a frown. “If we go with our usual pattern, he’s number four, so… I don’t know. Cater?”

“That’s too close to a cat pun. No puns allowed,” Deuce said immediately, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And it’ll be really confusing if we ever do get a real ‘Four’,” added Trinity.

There was a moment of silence. A kind of bitterness that suggested their fake names were not something as simple as the three of them being from the same friend group. Unless they just really didn’t want to have a fourth friend, but… Grim was getting a bad feeling about all of this.

Ace cleared his throat awkwardly, breaking the tension. “Great, well, do you have any bright ideas?”

“Uhhhhhh…” Deuce tipped his head back thoughtfully. “Maybe… I don’t know. He’s all black ‘n stuff. Shadow?”

“Basic,” Trinity huffed. “I vote we call him ‘Fluffy’.”

“And you said my idea was basic?”

“Yes,” Trinity said, no remorse to be seen. “And he’s my familiar, so I should get to choose his name.”

Ace smirked. “But don’t you belong to me? So, I kind of outrank you on this.”

Grim had no real eyebrows to raise, but they still raised in spirit. He still wasn’t sure what Ace was, but saying someone ‘belonged to him’ was certainly interesting.

Trinity blinked. “Oh. Maybe?”

He pressed a hand to his chest, winking. “Lucky for you, I’m actually a good owner, so I’ll let you choose.”

“You pulled my hair this morning, Mr. ‘Good Owner’,” Trinity said.

“That was an accident and you know it! Braids are hard, y’know! Especially when you have claws! And Deuce would have done way worse!”

“Why am I being dragged into this?!” Deuce complained.

Trinity stuck her tongue out at him. “Because your naming skills suck.”

“True,” said Ace.

Deuce huffed.

He opened his mouth to say something.

Only for him to be cut off by Trinity, who jumped to her feet, all traces of amusement gone from her face. “He’s home early. Why is he home early?”

“What?!” said Deuce. “But — but he’s never early!”

“Maybe it’s Deuce’s mom trying to get in again?”

“Nonono. Unless she’s gotten a witch’s help, she wouldn’t know the weak spots in my wards. And a witch would just dismantle them. It’s him,” Trinity said, grabbing the comforter by the door and throwing it onto the bed. “Someone get the rug.”

Deuce was quick to do so, pulling out the rug (he struggled a little with the sheer size of it) and rolling it out over the summoning circle.

“Fluffy!” called Ace, looking at Grim, who remembered — belatedly — that ‘Fluffy’ was him. Ace was smiling in a way that was entirely too forced. “Get under the bed, please.”

Grim may not know what was going on, but he didn’t need to be convinced. Whatever was about to happen, it was very obvious it was not going to be good. And an unregulated ‘familiar’ wasn’t likely to help things.

He slipped under the bed, drawing the shadows around himself, allowing his form to lose some of its shape, until he had blended as much as was feasibly possible.

That problem solved, Trinity lunged for Ace, almost knocking the boy to the ground in the process. She wrapped her hands around his, tightly, murmuring a healing spell under her breath.

Tension slipped from Ace’s shoulders. For all of three seconds, before he seemed to remember that they were supposed to be panicking.

Deuce’s hands flickered with light. His expression slightly pained, he fashioned a shirt out of nothing.

“Do you think there’s time to get him some water?” Ace asked, turning away briefly to change into it.

“No, definitely not,” Trinity said, shaking her head, rapidly. “I don’t — is there anything we’re missing?”

There was a knock on the door. Delicate, barely there.

The way the room lapsed into silence made the single sound deafening, though.

The kids dropped into kneeling positions. Ace did it a little too quickly, skinning his knees on the ground in the process.

No one said a word about it, because they were too concentrated on something else:

The door swung open.

A man stood in the doorway, dressed in opulent clothing. The world past the doorway was all marble and gold.

Grim got a sinking feeling in his gut. Because this person was clearly well off. There was no reason for this room to be bare.

Maybe the kids were minimalists?

Grim sure hoped so.

“Good afternoon, Sir!” the three kids chorused, the very picture of innocence.

Their expressions began to crack the longer the man stared at them.

“Your wards were easier to get past than usual,” he said.

Trinity swallowed thickly. “You’re home early. I — I wasn’t done yet.”

The man raised an eyebrow, clearly doubtful, but then he paused. He sniffed the air, and cringed, bringing a hand up to pinch his nose.

Light flickered in Deuce’s palms, and he rushed to the man, giving him a handkerchief. It was the same fabric as Ace’s shirt, bland in color and probably scratchy in texture, but it would work.

The man took it, delicately covering his nose. Deuce started to head back to his spot on the floor.

The man caught him by the wrist, dragging his hand up to see the deep cuts in his palms.

“Your hands are bleeding,” the man said, flatly. “That explains why this room smells of blood.”

Deuce looked at the ground. “I cut myself while making myself breakfast.”

“And you didn’t ask Three to heal you because…?”

Deuce flushed, glancing at Trinity, who was making a good show of looking somewhat shocked and hurt.

“I didn’t want her to be in pain,” Deuce said.

“It’d just make a new cut on my hands. It wouldn’t be anything new.”

“It might even help her with her wards,” said the man, smiling coldly.

“Maybe it would,” she agreed, quietly.

The alarm clock went off. Everyone jumped. Especially Grim, who hit his head on the mattress frame. Thankfully, the alarm was loud enough to cover up the sound.

The man hummed as he stepped around the three kids to look at the alarm. Ace’s hand, briefly, reached toward it, as if he was tempted to try to hide it, only to instantly recoil.

“I see, so…” The man snoozed the alarm. “This alarm is when you three actually start your chores for the day.”

“Well — well, we mostly just do routine maintenance,” Deuce rushed to explain. “It doesn’t take that long…”

“What I’m hearing is that I can give you three more work and not have any problems,” the man said.

The kids looked a little pale. Especially Trinity.

“Sir,” she said. “I don’t have enough blood to do more...”

“Then you can use the extra time to try to learn more complicated wards. You do know how to read, yes?”

Trinity twiddled her thumbs. “I… I can, but… magic books are really hard. The words are all weird and when you get things wrong it —.”

“I suppose it’s a good thing you’ll have plenty of time to practice, then.” He knelt and scooped up the alarm clock. “Speaking of practice… this is some complicated craftsmanship, Two. I’m impressed.”

Deuce nodded, warily. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Your creation magic is improving. I’d like you to spend your free time creating things we can sell. All of the water you may need for this will be provided, of course.”

The boy grimaced, but nodded.

Finally, the man turned to Ace. “As for you… hm… I don’t know if there’s much more I can give you to do. I’d say you could help Three with the defenses, but…”

Ace winced. “I’ve learned my lesson! I won’t do it aga —!”

The man made a strange sound with his mouth. Or… a normal sound, perhaps, but it sounded garbled to Grim’s ears. The kind of sound that only came when a Name was invoked.

Ace’s pupils dilated to the size of pinpricks. He didn’t finish his sentence. He probably couldn’t.

Grim realized, abruptly, what was going on. The fake names, the way Trinity had complained about hers getting stolen again, the panic that had appeared the moment they realized that the man — the faerie — was home.

He was going to tear the guy's throat out with his teeth. Let’s see him invoke their Names when he couldn’t speak.

The faerie was completely unaware of the growing malice hiding just beneath the bed:

“I suppose the treasury should be growing in size rather rapidly…” he continued to think aloud, as if he had never been interrupted. “That should be enough work to keep you busy…”

With no further ado, the faerie left, throwing a wave behind him, telling them to enjoy their last easy day while they could.

For a moment, the three kids were silent.

Ace buried his face in his hands. “He didn’t even let me keep the alarm clock…”

Deuce sighed and reached over, patting him on the back. “I’m sorry, man. When I figure out how to make things out of plastic, maybe he’ll let you have it.”

Ace looked doubtful. But he nodded regardless.

The three kids, reluctantly, parted ways. Grim followed at Trinity’s heels, watching her go about her… ‘chores’, to put it lightly.

The lawns were beautifully maintained, so much so that even Grim, at his rather low vantage point, could tell how much work had gone into them. It was, frankly, as if the greenery knew what was the nicest looking arrangement, and grew itself accordingly.

They were being held by an earth faerie, then.

Unless, Grim thought bitterly, he has another kid somewhere that he hasn’t met yet.

Trinity, unaware of the murder plans brewing just a few feet away, went about as usual, checking the wards. They were shockingly well-constructed for a person of her age, though that only worried Grim more — how much blood had she lost over this? He would be concerned about an adult losing this much blood.

Damn, she really could have used a familiar. Though, from what he’d heard, she’d had no intentions of using him for the classic reasons. Once or twice, as if an afterthought, she tried to channel some of his mana, but it hadn’t worked — obviously, he wasn’t actually a familiar. Thankfully, she just assumed that she was doing something wrong, and didn’t seem all that concerned with it.

The sun had just begun to sunk beneath the horizon by the time she had finished, sighing. Her face was a touch pale, her hands shaking just slightly. At least she wasn’t in danger of passing out, Grim was pretty sure.

Though, he thought as he watched her step inside and immediately start picking at the scabs on her hands, this may not be the case for long. She floated up to the ceiling.

Grim followed suit, if only because she crossed her arms and glared at him when he tried to walk normally.

He soon figured out why, though — Deuce could be found a few hallways down, a rather large puddle of water at his feet. He was talking to the water (or, Grim supposed, the water spirits), thanking them over and over again for helping him clean.

He glanced up at Trinity as she passed.

“Don’t track blood on the floors, please?”

“I’ll try not to,” she said, sighing. “But I still think you should have dominion over blood, too. It’s, like, mostly water.”

“Yeah, well, you can take that up with God when you see him.”

She huffed. “That’s not fair, I won’t be seeing God for ages.”

“It might be sooner than you think if I have to clean up your blood again!”

She stuck her tongue out at him, and then continued off down the hallway.

She poked her head into the kitchen for a moment. Ace was humming to himself as he prepared a few dishes. He’d grown a scale-covered tail since Grim saw him last, but Trinity didn’t seem all that concerned so it couldn’t have been a completely new development.

Maybe he’s a Shifter, Grim thought, though he doubted it. Shifters didn’t do things by halves. If a Shifter wanted to look like a human, it would, and Grim would be none the wiser. The claws and — now — tail sprouting from Ace suggested that he was something else.

Something that would be good in the kitchen, maybe? Grim mused, watching Ace pause briefly to toss Trinity a water bottle. But apparently he keeps track of the treasury, too. And he used to protect the place, too…

Grim could not, for the life of him, find any overlap.

What could he say? He didn’t make a habit of using random children for free labor. He’d never really felt a need to consider the mundane, everyday uses of the skill sets of specific species.

Trinity doubled back, briefly, to give Deuce the water bottle and then, finally, headed back to their room. She dropped to the floor in a heap and laid there for a minute. Grim was half-convinced that, had he not nudged her with his paw, she would have fallen asleep right then and there.

Instead she, hugging Grim to her stomach, flopped into bed. And, without even bothering with the blankets, she immediately passed out cold.

Deuce came in not much later, scratching his cheek absently, leaving behind ashy streaks everywhere his nails touched. He was a little bit more dignified, getting into bed, but only to ensure Trinity’s sleep wasn’t disturbed.

He pressed himself against her back for warmth, an arm wrapped loosely around her (he jumped, just slightly, when his hand brushed Grim’s tail). After a beat where he seemed to consider the temperature of the room, he pulled the blankets over both of them and then promptly fell asleep as well.

Ace didn’t come in until much later, three plates laden with food on his arms and a jug of water balanced atop his head. He set it all down on the end of the bed so he could poke his friends awake.

They grumbled wordlessly at him, sleepily trying to evade his attempts to bring them back to the world of the living. Deuce turned his head and spat a thin stream of water at Ace, who avoided it with practiced ease. Trinity let go of Grim in favor of turning around and burying her face in Deuce’s chest to try and hide from Ace.

Ace considered his friend's attempts for a moment, his hands on his hips.

And then his lips twitched into a sly grin.

The tail was back, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Trinity and Deuce screamed at the cold scales looped around their waists, pulling them bodily out of bed. They were awake now, but they definitely wished they weren’t, from the looks of things. They squirmed in Ace’s hold, to no avail.

“Okay okay! I’m up! Let me go! You’re sooooo cooooold,” Deuce complained.

“I know you can warm this thing up when you want to, you're just doing this to be mean!”

“Should’ve woken up the first time,” Ace said, unrepentant. Then, he smiled. “Food time!”

The pair of kids slumped over the tail, pouting up a storm, even as plates piled high with food were set in front of them.

Ace handed the one full of watermelon to Deuce. Then, he set a meat dish down for himself — carnivorous, maybe? Trinity was the only one with a ‘balanced’ meal, by human standards, with a few fruits, vegetables, and pieces of meat.

He poured two glasses of water, and then handed the rest of the jug to Deuce, who chugged the whole thing in one go.

At least their basic needs are being met, Grim thought, though it wasn’t much of a win. If the kids got sick (or worse), their free labor would be inaccessible.

The dinner was a quiet affair. Mostly because Trinity and Deuce were still too asleep to bother with a real conversation. Ace didn’t seem to mind, so long as he got to keep his tail wrapped around them. Neither seemed to mind it. In fact, the moment she’d eaten her fill, Trinity started to slump over it, her eyes slipping closed.

Ace smiled and, once Deuce had cleared his plate, lifted the both of them back into bed with ease. It didn’t take long before the blankets were wrapped around them once again.

Ace glanced at Grim. “Doing alright there, Fluffy?”

Grim blinked at him, before nodding, however slightly.

Ace smiled and patted him on the head. “Good. Sorry that your first day here was so stressful, usually it’s not quite this bad.”

Grim didn’t know how to say the words ‘It is not your fault your Name is under the control of a horrible man’ without actually speaking, so he simply nuzzled against his hand a bit and then crawled into his lap.

(He would start purring, just to emphasize things, but he wasn’t really sure how to do that, either…)

Ace smiled, faintly, scratching him behind the ears briefly. And then he turned to his two friends. They still looked worse for wear, but marginally better than they had been before eating.

He sighed, pulling Trinity’s hair into his lap so he could fix her braid. Then, he turned to Deuce, a bottle of lotion in his hand, rubbing it into his face liberally, trying to get some moisture back into him to ensure the water faerie wouldn’t dehydrate.

He looked rather pleased with himself when he was done making sure his friends didn’t fall apart.

“What would you two do without me, huh?” he teased.

They were dead asleep, so they didn’t answer, but Ace beamed as if they had praised him regardless.

And then he sighed, gently pushing Grim from his lap so he could shift forms.

But not as a Shifter might. It was not a gradual process, where it was difficult to tell when, exactly, the change had happened.

No, Ace’s shift was abrupt. One second he was a boy, perfectly normal save for the claws and tail, and the next moment he was a long, scale-covered beast with four clawed hands and a large face that was pulled into a seemingly permanent, toothy smile.

A dragon.

… Ace was a dragon.

A dragon who lived in an empty room.

Nevermind. Their basic needs weren’t being met at all. There were no nesting materials, nothing for a dragon to hoard — no wonder he had said he ‘owned’ Deuce and Trinity, he had nothing else he could own! The faerie was doing the bare minimum to keep them alive, and nothing more!

Grim wasn’t going to kill that damn faerie anymore.

He was going to personally make the rest of his long life Hell!

———

P3>

[thebellearchives]

𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐎

~ solomon ; obey me [nightbringer]

✧˚ · . S Y N O P S I S : Besides magic, you’ve also been learning piano from Solomon. On your day off, you both relax and enjoy each other’s company playing some music together.

‧₊˚ c o n t e n t s : gn!reader, stablished relationship, fluff, no nightbringer spoilers!

‧₊˚ a / n : kept a close eye on the poll and it was intense!!! quick disclaimer: i know very basic piano but i think i didn’t really write anything that can be interpreted as wrong??? anyways, this is just a short drabble but still, enjoy that sol fluff you guys voted for ✨

Your fingers carefully grazed the piano’s keys and a sweet tune filled the spacious music room. It was hard to play the melody with you right hand and the accompaniment with the left one, so you soon found yourself squinting and chewing on your lower lip to try and keep everything in tempo. When you managed to play the first section correctly, Solomon’s soft giggle startled you out of your focus, his arms slithered around your torso.

“Relax, when you’re tense the sounds are choppy and almost robotic” you took a deep breath, letting your back rest against his chest “let the music guide you, let it flow.”

“If I try again and it sounds better, will you join me?” your hands rested on his thighs at each side of yours, he placed a soft kiss on your temple.

“Sure, if it doesn’t distract you…”

“It won’t!” eagerly, you leaned closer to the piano again, Solomon’s little laugh reaching your ears before the instrument’s sound did.

This time, you followed your lover’s advice. Fingertips glided gracefully from note to note, your breathing matching the rhythm, you closed your eyes. Three notes marked the end of the first section again, you felt Solomon leaning over and around you.

“Go on” his whisper in your ear sent goosebumps through your body, but you continued playing just as he instructed.

Suddenly Solomon’s experienced hands added depth and feeling to your melancholic piece. Left hand adding lower harmonies, right hand complimenting with playful but subtle arpeggios. Soon every empty hall and room in Cocytus Hall was brought to life by bittersweet alluring music. Solomon’s breathing and the smell of his cedarwood cologne soothed you into carrying the song naturally, the brushing of his soft hair above your eyebrow, the luscious warmth of his body around yours, the elegant ease in which his nimble fingers chased after your playing. The song came to an end as effortlessly as it had started, your eyelids opening in a slow motion.

“You did great, guess you’re just meant to be my perfect apprentice no matter what I teach you” the sorcerer chuckled, one of his arms going back to hug you and his other hand caressing your cheek with the back of his index.

“What can I say, I have a fantastic teacher” an affectionate smile appeared on your lips.

“Apologies for the interruption” a voice made both of you turn to the side. Lucifer, Satan, Asmo and Levi were there, the eldest in front of them “something happened at the House of Lamentation and we were wondering if we could…” Lucifer seemed reluctant to finish his sentence, but Asmo nudged him with his elbow “…get some assistance from our attendant.”

Both you and Solomon sighed, you stood up. Wasn’t this supposed to be your day off?

“Of course, happy to help!”

Your boyfriend quickly caught your hand, you turned around curiously.

“Come back home soon, darling” his request came with a faint smile and sad silver eyes, but you smiled sweetly back to him.

“Don’t worry, I always come back to you”

[inactiveobeymeblog]

While finishing my MasterList, I’ve come up with great ideas and scenarios and didn’t know which character I should put them with. Would love to know your guy’s opinions!

I’ll go with the top three most voted for my next HC post

!!THIS POLL WILL ONLY BE UP FOR ONE DAY! VOTE WHILE TIME LASTS!!