#the hate i have for this app gets bigger every single day.

[bluemoonhoon]

safety net | park sunghoon

𓍯𓂃 fluff established relationship, no hurt just comfort, non idol!au, crying and cuddles on a bad day word count 1.2k works

every person experiences good and bad days throughout their lives; that's how it works. everyone hoped that good days overcounted the bad ones, and most of the time for you, they did. however; this week was not what you could consider a good week. life was beating you up from the moment you woke up to the moment you got out of work.

since the moment you and sunghoon decided to move in together your home became a haven for the both of you. it was not a necessity to be sharing the space every single moment for you to be happy; just things like each other's scents and mundane actions that reflected your personalities made being at home a bigger delight. and even though neither of you claimed to be clingy, the fact that your out-of-the-normal busier schedules overlapped denied you of spending time together was not helping with your mood.

you were in those moments where you felt overwhelmed just by simply existing, these feelings of exhaustion and fatigue were just being bottled up. normally, whenever either of you had a bad day you would rant with each other over dinner and hate the world together for at least an hour. but now that work requires you to leave earlier and for him to arrive until late at night puts your rant sessions on hold. you miss him, and so does he, you barely talk with each other in person, most of the time under soft and sleepy whispers at midnight; your communication relies on post-it notes around the house and texts during breaks.

but thankfully the weekend was coming and you would have the entire two days to spend time with him and catch up, you just had to hold on for the next eight hours and everything would be alright.

oh boy, how wrong you were.

between school work and actual work, you were juggling your time and running on caffeine, hence, having an extremely bad day that added to the list of bad things that happened in the week, from sleeping through your alarm and running out of the door, to forgetting to check the weather app leaving you sweating your ass off literally and figuratively since you also forgot to print an essay making you run to the library. to dealing with the awful mood of your superior at work and some rude customers you were sure everyone was struggling with their day.

you just hoped the moment you arrived home everything would start to fall into place and your stress would start to dissipate. and for a moment you thought it did, even though it was an empty apartment it still brought you peace of mind the fact that you could disconnect from life for a little bit.

that was until your bad luck decided it was not leaving just yet making your electric kettle stop working, or at least that's what you thought because the moment you touched it to figure out what was going on, the handle was incredibly hot surprising you and making you remove your hand quickly without realizing your elbow hit the cup you were about to use and making it fall to the ground breaking it. maybe it was the adrenaline rush of getting burned or the loud sound of the ceramic breaking that startled you. but from one moment to another, you were now crying without knowing why, you were not hurt but all the frustrations of the past few days just came out with your sobs.

crouched down in the kitchen your cries muffled all the sound so you didn't hear the door unlocking and you didn't expect sunghoon to be home so early so it was a shock for both of you.

"whoa, what happened?" he asked while getting close to you in a worried voice "are you hurt?"

"the kettle was not working - the handle was hot and I broke the cup," you said still sobbing.

"it's okay we can buy a new one, are you sure nothing hurts?" he questioned while examining you only for you to nod. after seeing you were, in fact, alright he helped you get up and walk around the broken pieces to take you to the couch in the living room.

even though he kept reassuring you that you could replace those things you still kept crying only worrying sunghoon more. he sat on his knees in front of you cradling your face in his hands and wiping away your tears with his thumbs.

"what's going on love?" he asked softly.

"I'm not sure…" you answered him without looking at him. as if reading you he asked, "did you have a bad day?" while moving your head so you could finally look at him and you just nodded.

"do you want to talk about it?" he continued and you shook your head no. "it's okay we can talk about it later, we have the whole day."

your tears decreased while being close to him and you felt truly grateful to have someone like him in your life; someone who could share your burdens and be willing to pick you up the moment you fell down, sharing your life with someone as gentle and kind as sunghoon was the biggest blessing you could have in your life.

you joined him on the living room rug and hugged him in hopes of sharing the immense amount of love you haven't been able to express in this busy week. "I missed you so much," you whispered close to his ear.

"I missed you too, we haven't had the chance to talk a lot right?" he answered in the same voice level returning your hug tighter.

after a little bit still sitting on the floor you pat his hair while looking at him "why are you here so early? - I thought you were coming later" you now asked him.

"I thought it would be nice to share dinner after so long" he answered simply "I think we both need our usual rant sessions, don't you think?" he asked lightheartedly while caressing your now puffy eyelids, making you laugh and agree with him.

he looked at you with the most gentle eyes and the softest smile and it made your heart skip a beat, you got close to him again and lay your head on his chest while he gave you soft kisses on top of your head, both of you still on the hard floor but neither of you cared, his warm hold mixed with the scent of his perfume made you feel so comfortable and happy. both you and sunghoon were content with the fact that it was the first time in a while that you could spend time together without fighting sleepiness.

you had a lot of catching up to do and that would probably happen under the kitchen lamp with some takeout, but you felt thankful for the fact that you were in a relationship with sunghoon. you both knew that under every circumstance you would have a place to go to; you found peace in each other's company and safety in each other's arms knowing you found someone who loved you as much as you loved them.

[beesmygod]

I've been reading webcomics daily since at least 2003 & I'm torn on how I feel about webtoons and other comics aggregators. On the one hand, the fact that they're so bad for artists, their websites are shit, & their apps are full of garbage ads/promos is frustrating as hell. On the other hand, the alternative for a lot of amateur artists seems to be twitter or insta and that's even worse as a reader, since it's impossible to actually read archives. Fuckin' hate web 2.0 bullshit some days

i still dont understand why everyone is completely adverse to the most obvious and least damaging option in every single capacity: buying your own website and directing people to it. build a following on social media websites, as is their intended purpose, and make your money via patreon/wordpress plug-ins that allow you to lock extra content behind a paywall.

they only conceivable and easily disputed downsides of this set up are:

it costs money. but to buy a domain name and website is pitifully cheap these days. shared hosting can be as little as 2.50 a month and domain names are like 10 dollars a year. put aside 10 bucks a month to cover all your expenses lol. if you can't manage that you have way bigger problems you should deal with first.

there's a drastic dip in audience. which, if you're playing for the numbers you need to get offline and re-calibrate your entire soul. but if you want a bigger audience for the pragmatic reasons, such as more people=bigger potential profit, then i think you are attempting to make comics literally the single most brain destroying way possible.

what i mean is this: taking webtoons as the example, the advantage of being on webtoons is, presumably, because there is an audience there actively seeking out comics to read. the audience is large, but the audience is also almost entirely children, preteens and teens, demographics that are not known for having money to spend. instead, you have to make money via advertisements loading when the child audience loads a page. this means the more pages you have the more ad revenue you (theoretically) get. HOWEVER, webtoons also has insane panel MINIMUMS for their creator programs, so if you want to be in the special big boys club you have to do 35-50 panel minimums per update.

imo, the purpose of the panel minimums is so that webtoons has an absurd audience retention time to point at for their advertisers. and to be clear i mean webtoons THE COMPANY not the comic format "webtoon", which are designed to be read on a phone. there is nothing objectionable about the format. thats not my beef!! my beef is with how the company line webtoon is so transparently stupidly evil and people keep lining up to get fucked by them.

even putting aside the damage that cranking out 1200000 panels would do to your body, mind, and spirit, this sincerely makes for some of the worst storytelling i've ever seen. the primary audience is dumb because they are children, but the people who have seen movies, read books, other comics, etc can easily see how artificially inflated and empty each "chapter" (? im old i dont know the terminology lol) is.

ive seen webtoons that tried to make the jump to book format with embarrassing results. ive seen webtoons who, because they have no control over their page sizes, have to resort to turning a splash page on it's side which unfortunately always looks horrendous lol. did you know webtoons artists have to chop up their own panels in that incredibly stupid way so that you can't share them with your friends themselves? webtoons makes them do that. people actually do that.

all this and 40k, a massive amount of audience interaction that you would somehow manage to gain despite annoying your audience with video ads, only gets you a pathetic 100 dollars a month lol.

so people are working themselves to the bone for an audience that has undeveloped brains and haven't fully understood the magnitude of what art creation entails for pennies. organ grinder monkeys have a better life. there is no fucking reason to do this to yourselves.

get your own space and direct your audience to your social media for updates. tell them you are leaving webtoons because it is not financially viable. set up a means to be paid directly by your audience and stop. just stop hitting yourself

STOP IT JUST STOP IT AAAH

[nickfowlerrr]

Omg hi Bestie! I love your biker bucky Series. It’s my fav on the app. I was wondering if we could get some hc’s or a little blurb about what bucky would do when y/n got hurt whether it’s small or at the hands of his enemy 😫 Ily!

thank you so much omg!! <3 i'd be happy to write some hcs :) i've never written any before so hopefully i'm doing this correctly lol.

small injuries:

bucky is all over it lol.

he hates when youre hurt or in pain and needs to fix whatever is wrong as soon as possible

say you cut your finger while making lunch, he is on you like a damn blood hound the second you let that "ow" slip past your lips.

light admonishments of how you need to be more careful as he checks to make sure your finger is okay. all the while you're insisting youre fine and you just need a band aid

or maybe you're walking down the street and someone accidentally bumps into you.

before you even turn to see bucky's face, youre feeling bad for the guy who bumped you. you apologize and try to get out of there before he causes a scene on your behalf.

if looks could kill, the poor guy would already be dead. a few low growls from bucky about manners and how inclined he'd be to help show the guy some have him apologizing to you profusely, hands up to show he's not a threat as he scurries down the street.

"there was absolutely no need for that, buck."

his arm is around you in a flash, pulling you close to his side so no one would even have the chance of brushing into you again. "tell me about it, sweetheart. some people, ya know."

bigger injuries...:

if you thought bucky was scary before...

god he would be absolutely lethal. he almost ripped steve's head off when he had hurt you and steve is his best friend. could you even imagine what he'd do to someone he hated???

maybe someone comes into the diner one day and tries to intimidate you to get at bucky. with the surveillance bucky has on the place, no way the guys gets out of there without running into someone, if not bucky himself.

it wouldn't matter to bucky is he'd done nothing more than speak a single sentence to you, he'd have him outside before you'd even catch on to what was happening. if there's one thing bucky is good at, it's sending a message. and he'd make sure his message got across loud and clear.

if someone actually hurt you, idk...say a rival arms dealer gets a hold of you, bucky would burn the city to the ground to get you back. and when he finds you bloody and bruised, god help anyone in his vicinity. he'd be ruthless and act with no hesitation until he gets to whoever was responsible for inflicting the injuries to you. then he'd take his time. make sure they feel every bit of what he does to them.

when all is said and done and you're home, he doesn't let you out of his sight for a second. he's around 24/7 and he doesn't care if he's bugging you. you can tell him to give you some space but the most you'll get is him going across the room to let you breathe for a bit lol.

very tender and attentive to you. making sure you're doing okay and you're healing. any wounds are kept clean and bandaged and every time he touches you, it's as delicate as ever.

this isn't even to mention the mental/emotional things he'd be going through. the thought of you hurt bc of him is like his heart if being crushed in his chest, and it makes him sick. even just the idea of losing you has him all over you. he has to ensure you're here and while you're here, he's going to spend every second making sure you know how much he loves you, and maybe even moreso, he's reveling in the warmth of you and your love for him. i'd count on a lot of sweet, gentle sex, too bc at this point we all know these two can't seem to go two gd seconds without trying to fuck lol

[solomonish]

We are both crying over the event spamming. I was hoping. Praying. And I see there is no hope to avoid events lasting forever.

~Naomi

I KNOWWWWW NAOMI AHHHHHH i was hoping so hard. i was hoping that the constant events in og obey me would be to keep the app alive for those who wanted it and that nightbringer would focus on the story. but??? now there's no point to keeping og obm up if they both have the same events at the same time?? and how are we supposed to focus on the story if they release new chapters on the same day events start??

it feels like they were aware that their clunky writing, insane difficulty spike and constant barrage of events killed og obm and chased people away, and they acknowledged that by scrapping the whole thing and retconning everything so they could have a fresh start (which is a sucky way of doing things but i was willing to let bygones be bygones!!! we were willing to look past that!!), AND THEN they insulted us by doing the exact same thing right out the gate with NB. at least if you get stuck on lessons before you can level up your cards, you can skill your way to barely getting a C with a big enough combo....

god. GOD. I'm going to stick around for a little bit and see what happens but i've gotta be honest this is not sparking any joy

and i HATE to be like this. i don't wanna just complain all the time. i missed solomon and lucifer and belphie (and everyone else but those are my main three) SO MUCH. i had so much genuine fun with obey me and i was so interested and passionate in the characters. but the constant content STRESSES ME OUT. like. i understand games need to make money and they need something to drive microtransactions, but we've been saying for years (i think) how obey me is pushing out too much too fast and too low a quality. and they're still doing it!!!!!!

and somebody pointed this out in the tags of my post i think but without otaku boot camp or solomon's summoning sale it's...kinda hard to level up cards. and what are they going to do about the harder lessons if half the devil's tree is locked behind skill levels and they're so stingy with their UR+ jokers? i'd understand making them RARE but there should at least be a slightly easier way to get them. or more raven given out so you actually have a chance at buying them.

obey me has done this thing where it stops just shy of punishing you for not paying money to play the game. like yeah you can play and get enjoyment out of the game for free, but good luck getting a single UR fully levelled up ever. have fun ever getting beyond the 7,000 mark in events. in the very first NB event, the top place got 7 MILLION points. I had a cheat card and played as many levels as i could every day and only got to around 13,000. plus, their fanbase is theoretically bigger than ever! their whole placing system is not fit for a fandom of this caliber. I'm not saying they should make it easier to get first place, but like. it's ridiculous how impossible it is to do anything 100% unless you cough up some cash.

anyway. i went on a way longer rant then i meant to. i'm so disheartened tbh like i didn't expect MUCH but i was hoping they were using this as a learning experience. now i know they were just hoping to get some people to pay two VIP fees for the price of keeping a single app up to date.

[idsb]

Hey so to explain why the no ghosting app is bad- it’s okay to talk to more than one person at once, if you’re not in a relationship there’s nothing wrong with that and you should’nt ever have to justify not liking someone sometimes you just don’t think they are attractive interesting or funny, speaking as someone who’s been ghosted and been told why it’s better for someone to disappear than to tell you they think you’re annoying. If you develop insecurities from being ghosted that’s something to go to therapy for not force people to explain to you on an app. It’s just very pushy.

I mean like, sure! it's not morally wrong to see multiple people in the early stages of dating! I never said it was! However. If you are actually looking for something serious, these dating apps are like a game to people. people swipe through because they're bored, people look for matches just to see who will match them, people will be looking for a fun night out in a new city and message 7468375967 people who will waste their time talking and never meet up because they were one of 7468375967. it is completely ineffective for finding a partner almost all of the time, and you inevitably get ghosted the second someone is swiping out of boredom and someone hotter gives them a like or whatever. The entire thing is a Petri dish of fuckboy behavior that leads to mindgames, being in competition with your entire city (unlike in the days before dating apps because you have access to literally everyone), etc. And it's fine if you don't want something serious and want to date around!!! but it's total garbage for the people who are looking to find a genuine companion and not fuck around that they'll have to talk to a shitload of people who are in it for the thrill or whatever and who will inevitably leave them hanging, and always get caught in an endless cycle of exposure to the kind of people who either aren't transparent about what they're looking for or who are just lying, and keep on getting damaged by it over and over and over. it's just nice that there's a dating app that isn't an ideal environment for fuckboys - not saying all people who date around are assholes like that, but this environment caters, specifically, to fuckboys.

and no, you shouldn't have to justify not liking someone in that no one should have a gun to your head making you do it. but it is, objectively, shitty, to stop talking to someone cold turkey with 0 explanation. it's also shitty if that explanation is "you're annoying", but, idk, call me stupid or naive but I don't think many people would actually just say that. it'd just be a "this isn't working out", "I don't think we're compatible", etc - just some basic form of communication and human decency. and btw - our insecurities are just different. I'd way rather be told someone thinks I'm annoying, because before they say it my brain is telling me I'm annoying and they don't like the shape of my nose and they ran back to their ex they told me they were over and they slept around when I thought we were exclusive and they don't like my hair and they hate that I love Taylor Swift and they wish my boobs were bigger and and and and. I'd rather it be confirmed to be one of those things and know than spend months picking every facet of my being apart trying to figure out which is most likely, and hating myself for all of them over just one.

it's not for everyone and you don't have to be on it! but all the comments calling it a hellscape are literally sooooo over the top. dating apps gave me panic attacks and this app sounds like a fix to every single one of my problems with them.

[creepykuroneko]

Controversial take:

If you want to be happy in life you are going to have to put in the work and effort.

(US Centric rant coming up)

Want to have fulfilling meaningful relationships (both platonic and romantic)? You are going to have to put in the effort to be the type of person who attracts the people you want / need in your life.

Want to feel better about yourself? You're going to have to deal with your issues. If you're an American like I am I know our healthcare fucken sucks and I'm sorry. That does not mean you should sit around doing nothing though. Find healthy and safe coping mechanisms to deal with your shit. Let the people who care about you know what's going on and don't be afraid to ask for help. At the same time do not take advantage of people who are helping you. Find something that makes you happy without bringing harm to you or others in the process.

If you have the physical capabilities learn a new skill. Watch YouTube tutorials, check out hobby books from the library, join a local group that does something you're interested in and go from there. You do not have to be an expert in any field but there is no harm in taking up a hobby that brings you joy.

Before any of you go, "I'm poor how am I supposed to do any of this?" Shut up and listen. Yeah being poor sucks, as someone who has been evicted I know exactly how much it fucken sucks. As already mentioned the library is free. Do you own a smartphone? Do you have reliable consistent access to the internet? Congratulations you can learn some new skills and get advice on how to start a new hobby! Use a search engine, watch tutorial videos, find an online discussion group and go from there. There are apps such as buy nothing that try to help people who are wanting to clear out items they no longer need. You can trade items with other users in your area so no one is spending money and curbing that carbon footprint. If you live in a city check to see what type of community programs are going on. Whether it be a food pantry, a trade and barter system, or people who just need some basic help around the house and are willing to pay somebody to help with chores. Obviously be safe and practice common sense.

If you're still worried about money obviously yeah shits expensive and unfortunately that's not going away anytime soon. Check yard sales for inexpensive items. You can usually find cheap yarn for crochet and dishware. If you live in an area that has dollar stores you can usually find really cheap kitchen utensils and some pots. The more you socialize with people, the bigger a community you have around you, it's not hard to find someone who wants to get rid of a tv, kitchen table set, or old guitar for cheap if not free. I have two modern flat screen HDTVs that I didn't even have to pay for because I helped people who were moving and didn't want to bother taking the TV with them. Really controversial money saving tip here that people hate, look at your spending habits and ask yourself if there's something you can cut back on? I know all of you are going to get mad and scream "I'm poor all my money goes to my bills I have nothing!" Most of you I'm sure are telling the truth there. Some of you though? How much money do you spend on weed a week? How about alcohol? Are you drinking every single day? What about cigarettes? I mentioned up above people need to get their shit together. Getting addiction under control is part of that. You do not need to go to a private Rehab Center that only rich people can afford to get sober. Does that mean that it's going to be harder for you without professionals caring for you every single day? Yes. It does not mean it is impossible though. Can't even tell you how many addicts have cried to me because they're spending way too much money on their addiction. Other money is saving tips would be cooking at home. You can spend $1 on a bag of rice $1 on frozen veggies and $6 on chicken breast and that will last you for several meals versus spending $13 for one meal at McDonald's. We all know McDonald's got rid of their dollar menu they are no longer affordable to poor people. Do you live in a house with access to stove ? Let's be honest cooking your own food at home is not only cheaper but also healthier than getting takeout so there's another positive there. Are you that person who leaves the TV on, the computer on, and every single light on in your house 24/7? I know why your electric bill is so high. One summer my ex and I managed to get our electric bill down to $80 because we were so poor that we had to be efficient at conservation. That was with two people living in an apartment with pets. That exact same month one of our friends who was single, had no pets, had an electric bill that was $300. Don't get me wrong everything in this country is meant to squeeze every penny out of the poor. At the same time though you have to learn how to play the game within the rigged system.

Not a fan of your physical appearance? Be honest with yourself what exactly is it about yourself you do not like? Between companies relying on people hating themselves so they can sell products to people and the fact that we live in a bigoted society that only deems certain people attractive and everyone who does not meet that standard is ugly it's no wonder everyone has self-esteem issues. If you want to feel better about yourself you're going to have to do a combination of working on your mental health (see above paragraph), making any lifestyle changes that are contributing to bringing you down, possibly cut out abusive and toxic people in your life ( my mom is obese and always surrounds herself with people who call her fat ass every single day. Needless to say that has not done anything good for her Mental Health), and work on dressing in a way that not only boosts your confidence but helps present how you want to be viewed. Ware the gothic dress. Paint your nails. Shave your head bald. Before you go crying again about the money, search your local thrift shops. Some days have sales on color tagged items. You can get a pair of jeans for a few dollars and a shirt for a dollar. Then go over to the craft store get yourself a glue gun, some fabric dye, a basic sewing kit, and a bedazzler. Customize your own clothes. Cut, tare, sew, iron patches, doodle on, make your own stencils, dye the fabric, add rhinestones and glitter, the sky is the limit! You can even customize your own shoes if you want. Seriously learn DIY crafts, projects, and skills.

Worried about your career opportunities? Me too! But nevertheless we must persist. College is not for everyone and the fact that you can spend the rest of your life paying off student loans with a degree you can't even use makes the thought of going to University even more anxiety inducing. That does not mean that you cannot learn a trade though. If I'd known as a teenager what I know now I would have never gone to University and would have gone to trade school instead. Take a look at the area you live in (or the one you plan on living in), look at what type of jobs are needed there and which ones pay a better wage. You can make a lot of money as an electrician or a plumber. You could possibly make more money as a massage therapist for a private Spa versus being a physical therapist at a rehab clinic. You have to do your research to know what people in your area are being paid what. Then decide what you want to study from there. Some cities pay their medical staff well, others pay them garbage. Want to go to Beauty School? Look into the local laws to see if you can run your own hair salon out of your house. The struggle is real but that doesn't mean you should dedicate yourself to the same job you hate doing for the next 30+ years because you "don't know how to do anything else". Sorry I'm just really sick and tired of meeting adults who have been a waitress since they were 16 and never stopped being a waitress despite hating the job because "I've never done any other type of work my whole life".

That's all for now. If anyone actually read this post and liked it I'll be impressed. Life is scary, there's a lot of shit going on that makes it hard, and it doesn't help that many parents don't set their kids up for success from the beginning. Your life does not have to be one of boredom and misery though. It's okay to have anxiety but you still have to take a shower, put on some clean clothes, and go kick ass. Sitting around, doing nothing, and then being upset about being unhappy is not going to solve your problems. You deserve to be happy but you have to make the effort to find what makes you happy.

[pensarecool2]

So the way I manage to survive in this capitalist hellscape is through delivery apps with my girlfriend (she drives). Basically, I deliver packages/groceries/etc. Lately, we’ve been delivering Whole Foods groceries via Amazon deliveries out of the car, and it is fascinating to me how you can tell how rich someone is based on how many items are in their order.

I think there was a Mother’s Day promotion or something recently, and there was a lot of deliveries with just flowers (like single bouquets) so these ones were just going anywhere, right? Single flowers sent to poor or middle class areas. Places where the other deliveries never go.

Then, you have orders that are maybe 2 or 3 bags. These are going to relatively nice houses. Maybe it is a house that has been split into two apartments. The sidewalk is kinda not great, but you can tell its a decent house.

Then there’s orders that are like around 4-7 bag. This person got some groceries through Walmart. Not just a few things like a cake or whatever, they got a decent haul. These orders are going to a nice neighborhood. The houses are far apart. All the lawns are maintained. Its summer so maybe there’s a landscaping crew out that you gotta awkwardly interact with as you drop off the order.

Now 8-10 packages? This person has a private gate. You gotta open that shit. This person ordered from Whole Foods and they know you know. Houses are far apart. This isn’t a neighborhood where you’re gonna see police. This is rich people. But we’re not done yet.

11+ bags in the order?? Fucking private road. DID YOU HEAR ME SAY DRIVEWAY?? NO! I DID NOT! The biggest order I ever delivered? Private property. They had a roundabout. A mansion. 3 buildings; the house, a “garage” and I think it was a guest house??? It was the smallest building and it was bigger than the apartment building I live in (I live in a roach-infested studio apartment on the third floor and there is no elevator and I hate those stairs).

The 11+ package orders usually go pretty far, too. Like farms or just homes that are like around 30 minutes away (or more) from the Whole Foods they’re picked up from. I hate these stupid flimsy paper bags as well They don’t have handles (basically like large paper lunch bags for groceries with stickers to keep track of them). I hate seeing these huge fucking houses. I hate rich “people.”

OH ALSO BEFORE I POST THIS… can we talk about rich “people” farms? Like, I grew up in rural New York. There were a lot of farms around me. Now, these farms usually had local brands and grocery stores, right? The big ones around me had mainly apples if produced based and cows if otherwise. There is other seasonal produce, but you get the just. Some of them got chickens. If you looked around, there’s maple farms and bee farms and sheep, etc. Lot of variety. Some kind of small business, probably older folk who are very proud of their craft (they show up at the farmers markets. every listen to an old woman talk about her homemade maple sugar? or a woman show off her hand knitted hats? i once talked to a couple explaining their duck farm and their stuff was so fucking good).

Anyways, rich “people”?? They have fucking horses. Fucking mansions with swimming pools and horses and chickens walking around for the aesthetic. They order from Whole Foods and they pay double so it can be delivered from half an hour away.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #122

How many friends do you have on Facebook? I just checked, 112.

What was on the last sandwich you ate? I actually had one yesterday, it was black pepper turkey with American cheese and mustard.

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? Yes; Girt and I dated for like... four months in '17, but I decided to break up because I just didn't like him in the romantic way that I couldn't for the life of me decide if I did. Turns out getting back together a few years later was a fanfuckingtastic decision and proved to me that feelings can change and develop.

What is your favourite Thai dish? I'm quite sure I've never had Thai food before.

How many contacts do you have in your phone? Just counted, there's 16. Most I basically never text or call, though.

When was the last time you made out with somebody? I swear I'm like no older than 12, these questions still make me uncomfortable lmfao yesterday

What month of the year was your mother born? August.

Do you have any friends that seem to know all the hot gossip? lol my friends are adults

What TV show(s) have you been watching currently? Girt and I are almost done with the first season of Dark, which I am HOOKED on, like I want answers and to watch the next episode and the next episode more than I have for ANY show in a very, very, very long time. We stayed up late one night because *I* didn't want to stop watching, and I could not even guess the last show I was like that with. It's also natively a German show so I've had fun reading text that shows up and have even learned grammar stuff I never knew.

How many apps do you have on your phone? Excluding those that I can't remove from my phone/come with it, I have 14. My phone has *INSANELY* low memory, like only one of these apps is even remotely big, and I have to go through hell to keep almost anything updated because there's just not enough space on it. I fucking loathe my phone and desperately want a new one.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? Kinda like, all the basic ones. I know I use "hunny" the most, probably followed by "sweetie."

Do you have to wear a name badge where you work? Still don't have a job... but still looking every single day.

What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We have a toaster oven, but idk what the brand is. I basically never use it.

Can you hear anything right now? Yeah, I'm watching an episode of John Wolfe's Resident Evil 4 Remake LP. I hate that I can't play it myself right now, but at least it's something and is also a game that isn't like, a 100% new experience.

Is there anybody else in the room you’re currently in? No.

What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Walmart. It's the cheapest and also not even two minutes from our house.

Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have an extremely small covered area that I guess does qualify as a "porch" out front, but we have a bigger/more proper one out back. It's actually a meshed-in area that's perfect to just sit and chill at... even though we never do. I've always wanted to sit out there one night with loved ones and like, roast marshmallows or something. I'd also love to hold Venus out there on a nice day, again if I had someone to sit and chat with. That's as close to outside as I'm willing to go with Venus because I have an insanely massive fear of a bird of prey just scooping her up, which CAN happen, but it's so super unlikely around here, but I don't care, I still freak out over the idea.

What’s your favourite type of bread? Pumpernickel.

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes, with Nicole.

Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area? Yeah; funnily enough there was actually an active brushfire yesterday by the beach, something that isn't very uncommon in the hotter months 'round here. On multiple occasions we've even gotten the smoke from distant fires cake the air all the way over here, but I don't think that's happened in many years.

Have you ever taken a ride in an ambulance? No.

When was the last time you took a nap during the day? Well, I guess today, although I hadn't been awake long at all. I'd ended up on the bathroom floor by the toilet putting my entire fucking soul into NOT puking for a while, and we had to cancel my PT and psychiatrist appointments because of how sick I felt. I ended up going back to sleep and apparently sleeping like a boulder because Mom said I was snoring. I don't totally know what was wrong, but I'm blaming my period just being wack as fuck because this has been THE most symptomatic I have EVER been during a period, I think, which kinda scares me because nothing in my life has changed, so this period has just been very, very randomly intense.

What did you have to eat for dinner last night? Bless Girt's heart, he got me Subway bc he overheard Mom say she couldn't do it herself lol. He was a total supportive champ while he was here yesterday and the night before, he knew I was on my period and that this month's was just being fucking VICIOUS and was just being super helpful about it.

What was the last thing you had to drink? I have my flavored carbonated water right now.

Who was the last message you received from and what did they say? Girt tried sending me a picture of Charlie (his dog) being cute and Discord was being reluctant to send it for some reason so he had to complain about it lol

What’s your favourite kind of accent? British.

Have you ever missed a flight? Yes, actually. It was the day I was secretly flying to Illinois to surprise Sara on her birthday, and I was DEVASTATED because I thought the plan was ruined by me missing it, but with her parents' help it worked out and she had zero idea it was happening, even though I obviously got there later than we'd originally planned.

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, a few times.

Do you know your significant other’s passwords? No, I don't feel the need to know that... and there IS no need for me to know any of his passwords as a dating couple that doesn't like, have accounts where we share finances or anything.

What’s your favourite type of salad? Just regular green lettuce with Olive Garden dressing or ranch. Cucumbers are fine, too. And bacon bits if we're using ranch.

Is your house usually too warm or too cold in the winter? Too cold. Mom really hates turning on the heat because of money.

Have you ever been in love with someone much older or younger than you? No.

Would you rather have someone ask to kiss you, or just kiss you? This depends. With my partner now, it'd be extremely weird for him to ask to kiss me, and it would be with any stable romantic partner imo. When Girt and I first dated, he did ask first before he kissed me the first time, which is exactly what I wanted just because of my relationship trauma; I wanted to know it was coming and was okay with it happening. If, god forbid, Girt and I don't last and I end up in a different relationship in the future, I honestly don't know if I'd prefer to be asked or just kissed the first time.

What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? lol if fries are an option, I can basically oath to you that I'm getting fries, haha.

Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Hell no.

Would you change your partner’s hair color if you could? I know he doesn't like the fact that he's graying early, so I'd fix that for him if I could just snap my fingers and have that happen, but I would never want to pick what he does with HIS hair, so to answer the basic question, no.

Have you ever written a poem for someone? More than once.

Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yup, a best friend from my childhood, Quiata, is African American. He wasn't what I'd call a BEST friend, but I was also very close with my childhood neighbor D'Andre, also African American. We hung out and played a whole lot. Oh yeah, and then there was Hannia in high school, but tbh I'm not entirely sure what her exact race was. I feel like the I believe one time I saw her dad, he looked Hispanic, and I know her mother was Asian of some sort.

Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? Idk. Maybe Sara, I try to not remember the details of that message.

Have you friended your parents on FB? My mom, yeah. Dad doesn't have one. I also have my stepmother on there, but solely to prevent drama because she posts THE dumbest, most fucking bigoted shit imaginable, like I literally don't even see her posts anymore because I turned that shit off.

What’s the last tourist area you visited? Chicago, I think.

Have you ever been in a submarine? No.

Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No. There are times where I'd like to visit Jason's mom's, just once, but I don't think it would be good for me, and I also have this fear that I'd by some insanely poor odds run into Jason there. I also don't know WHERE she's buried.

Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got married? Yes, pretty sure both times she got married.

Do you use TikTok? No.

What decorations do you have in your bathroom? In the hall bathroom, there's three little fake plants on the sink.

Do you like Seinfeld? I don't think I have much of an opinion. Funnily enough though Mom had it on the other day, and some scene made me laugh.

What year was your favourite band formed? Ozzy went solo in 1980. Rammstein formed in 1994.

What’s your least favourite pizza topping? Probably mushrooms. I straight-up will not eat it.

What percentage battery is your phone on right now? 82.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Did you like it? No, and I absolutely never plan to, I just do not see the appeal. Definitely not worth cancer, either.

Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom.

Have you ever sent a postcard? Where from? No.

Do you know anyone who speaks Spanish as a first language? I don't think I know anyone anymore, but maybe.

Who was the last person you kissed? Girt.

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? No.

Do loud noises bother you? Yes.

Do you rent or own the place you live? Rent. And our landlord/family "friend" will never, ever let us forget her great kindness.

Have you ever made yourself as a Sim? No, I've actually never played the Sims, save for the animal ones. It's not the kind of game that I'd have fun with.

What brand is your phone? It's literally a Tracphone.

Have you ever had a friend named Mary? No.

What does the name “Ada” make you think of? Haha actually the Resident Evil franchise character, funny time to mention the name.

Have you ever ridden in a horse-drawn carriage? No.

Did you ever sneak out of your house when you were younger? No.

What is your best friend’s name? Donald Jr., but I've always known him as Girt.

Is anyone in your family an author or poet? My like, 4th or 5th cousin wrote Not Without My Daughter. No one in my very close family, though.

Have you ever dated a guy with a girl’s name? No, but I'm not against it. I don't believe in gendering names, anyway, honestly.

Would you rather be named Fanny or Faye? Faye, by an insane longshot. I love the name Faye, meanwhile Fanny sounds awful to me.

Do you have a godmother? I don't believe so.

Are you someone’s godmother? No.

When was the last time you wrote a poem? Last time I was in the hospital. ... I think? I don't believe I've written something since then.

Do you believe that it’s possible for someone to be resurrected from the dead? Save for experiences where the heart has been inactive for only a short period of time and it was able to be jolted back into activity, no.

What color hair does your current crush (or boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, whatever) have? Black, but as I mentioned earlier it also has gray in it.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you in a theater? [TW: PARENTAL ABUSE] Be triggered by a sudden scene of a father beating his daughter with a belt and having a complete and total, very obvious panic attack that ultimately led to me having to leave the theater.

Have you ever had someone copy you or steal your ideas for something? Yup. Sara used to literally trace my art and I've caught her red-handed stealing both characters and completely original locations from me. Worth mentioning she did this kind of stuff to others, too, all the while having insane paranoia that people have and would steal from her <3333 man was she fun.

Have you ever dated someone behind your parents’ back? Nope.

[troubatrain]

want you to want me - m. tkachuk

a/n: i’m awful at intros but this fic is my whole ass child. i started it months ago and i picked it up back and then i just couldn’t stop writing. now we’re at a whopping 10k words and i’m really happy with the way this one came out. i hope you guys like it as much as i loved writing it.

big thanks to @hookingminor @igor-shestyorkin & @tkafuckit for reading this as i wrote it and gassing me up ily all sm

warnings: smut

You were Matthew’s dream girl, and you didn’t have a fucking clue. You were leaning against the cold metal bleachers of your former high school, chatting with whatever teacher probably wanted to hear all about that shiny NWSL contract you signed right out of college with the Chicago Red Stars. It was well deserved, a few national titles in college put you in the position in the first place, and Matthew respected the hell out of you. You wouldn’t know, by the way he never seems like he actually wants to speak to you and the few snide remarks about your sport in general. That started forever ago, when Matthew royally fucked up any chance he had with you later in life because he was a competitive asshole.

It started when you were twelve, and middle school was nothing short of a mess. Matthew was growing into his own, adding a near foot to his height over one summer while his father and coaches doted on the fact that he was getting bigger. Getting bigger meant getting better, and for a few years winning was the most important thing in the world. But, becoming a hormonal preteen came with something else, feelings about the girl who sat three rows behind him in almost all of his classes.

Then third period gym class came around, and Matthew was a competitive monster. The kind of kid who took that way too seriously, and you accidentally became public enemy number one. You were the only person in his class who could even come close to beating him at anything, because you were just as much of an athlete as he was. Soccer had become your craft, and much like Matthew, you declared you’d go pro one day. So, Matthew did what any other insecure twelve year old boy would, he teased you relentlessly. It was awful, but by the time Matthew had gone off to play for the National team you had forgotten about his bullshit.

Apparently, you’d done something in a past life to warrant dealing with Matthew for longer than you ever anticipated. Jamie was your little sister, and Taryn’s best friend. Best friend was probably understatement, the pair were inseparable on and off the field. They trained together, they played on the same teams and that meant way too much time with the rest of the Tkachuk’s. You learned quickly, that the rest of their family was wonderful and Matthew seemed to be too thick headed to fall in line.

You tolerated Matthew, brushing his silly remarks off just like you did when you were younger. The thing was, Matthew didn’t want you to just tolerate him, but he didn’t know how to get you to stop hating him. You make your way over to Matthew who’d been standing next to his brother since the start of your sister’s game.

“Hi Brady,” You greet, tapping Brady on the shoulder who pulled you into a bone crushing hug. That annoyed Matthew the most, the way you seemed to love his siblings and despise him. In your defense, nobody was more supportive of your professional career than Brady, who’d made a promise to catch a game the second he could, “Hi Matthew.”

You were waiting for something from Matthew, an acknowledgement for finally achieving a dream of yours. You’d gotten the congratulations from the rest of his family, a massive celebration because Keith thought you deserved it. Matthew probably didn’t think you did. You could practically hear his smug little voice about how much his recently inked contract was compared to yours, because you’d heard it since you were kids. He used to rip on your athletic abilities every chance he could, something about how it didn’t matter how hard you could kick a ball you couldn’t hold a hockey stick so he was just better.

“You’re here!” You hear the chipper voice of your little sister approach, Jamie’s sweaty postgame arms wrapped around your waist. You’d been in Chicago, signing some paperwork and looking into finding a place to stay when you had to go for camp. You promised you’d make it back in time, and your flight landed less than five hours ago but you made it.

Matthew bit the inside of his cheek to keep his smile to himself, watching his own sister push past him to see you. Taryn loved you, because sometimes she just needed a big sister and her brothers were in another country most

of the time. It was the part that killed him the most, seeing you with his family. You fit right in, a fierce athlete with drive that rivaled his own. Brady side-eyed his own brother, watching him instead of the scene unfolding in front of him. He was frustrated with his own brother for not just telling you the truth, that he teased you because he was an idiot who didn’t know how to handle having a crush on you.

But Brady was going to do it himself if his brother didn’t.

***

Matt, you don’t have a girlfriend right?

Matthew knew damn well he should not have answered his sister’s question, but when he realized her best friend had been sitting right next to her in the kitchen, his curiosity got the best of him. So he did, telling his sister he was single and sparing her details of any of the girls he’d gone on dates with the past year. That was his life is Calgary, a constant revolving door so no one would see what was underneath layers of sarcasm and angst. But every summer, he’d come home and wonder when he’d start to build a life for himself, and if he’d ever find that person to do it with. That was when his brain would start to wander, fantasies of a future that always seemed to involve you. He loved to imagine it, the years that you’d both spend supporting the other’s dream. Matthew would do anything to make sure you achieved yours, and he thought you’d do the same. Then you’d both settle down, the big house with the white picket fence and a shiny ring on your finger Matthew put there himself and years of arguing about what sport your future children would play - he’d even consider letting you have just one.

Unfortunately, none of that could be real until he figured out how to get you to hate him less. Taryn apparently had the same idea, and had been scheming with your sister for months. The two girls were looking at Matthew with devilish grins on their faces, like whatever they came up with would totally work.

“Y/N doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Your sister hums, sipping the smoothie they forced Matthew to drive them to go get, “It’s sad actually-”

“We think you should date,” Taryn explains, Matthew’s eyes went wide. His sister didn’t know the whole story, or just how far back this stupid fued went. Taryn always loved you, so Matthew just kept his remarks to himself.

“I know you know Y/N doesn’t like me very much,” Matthew explains, “So tell me how that’s going to work.”

“Apologize to her, if she can forgive me for anything she’ll forgive you,” Jamie sighs, thinking of all the times you’d shown her mercy when she didn’t deserve it.

“You’ve got to be sorry,” Brady interrupts, mouth full of food while he goes to go look for more in the fridge. He turns around, Matthew’s eyes giving him daggers, “What? You were a dick to her for years, you’ve got to fix that first.”

It didn’t take much convincing after that, Taryn had already planned out what Matthew should say to you. Matthew wasn’t going to repeat those words, because he knew exactly what he’d say to you if he ever got the chance. He was trying to fix his past, because the way he acted towards you was the one thing he regrets. 

So with the help of your little sister and the Find my Friends app, Matthew was pulling up to a soccer field he’d been to plenty of times. He used to run through the park nearby, catching a glimpse of your practices when you were in high school and Matthew was an afterthought. He hops out of his car, smiling when he could see you running drills alone. You were dribbling the ball, counting to yourself while you were weaving through cones you set up.

“I’ve never been good at those,” Matthew calls out, walking over to you while you stopped and caught your breath, “I kick the cones with my skate every single time.”

“Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are,” You tease, grabbing your water and guzzling it down, “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, I came to apologize?” Matthew admits, knowing his face was probably bright red. He was nervous, the good kind like he got before a big game, “I was just an insecure kid then, and you didn’t deserve what I did just because I was afraid you’d beat in something.”

Matthew left out the part where he felt like he was still that kid all the time. All of those insecurities about himself seemed to be picked up by every reporter in Canada when he was there. You bit your lip, pretending like you were trying to debate whether or not you should forgive Matthew at all. In reality, you would have forgiven him ages ago if he’d just apologized sooner. It was so long ago, and sometimes you thought Matthew’s constant taunting made you better. He was pleading, baby blue eyes staring at you sadly while he waited for your answer. He looked like he didn’t think he deserved to be forgiven, shoulders slumped while he tried to read your body language. It was something you noticed about Matthew forever ago, he could have everything in the world but when he looked at you he seemed almost sad.

“I mean I could forgive you, but only if you beat me,” You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow at Matthew, “If I win, I don’t have to and if you win all is forgiven.”

“Really? Isn’t that why we were in this situation to begin with?” Matthew points out, crossing his arms at you.

“I thought you weren’t that kid anymore,” You remind of his own words, testing him to see if he’d put his money where his mouth was. Matthew smirks, chuckling to himself, “C’mon Tkachuk let’s see what you got.”

Matthew shook his head, laughing and lining up next to you. You both counted to three, sprinting down the field at full force. Matthew knew his height was the only thing working to his advantage while he tried to keep up with you. You were nearing your finish line, and Matthew didn’t think he was going to win. You were going to forgive him regardless, but Matthew didn’t know that. His arms stretched out, grabbing your waist and pulling you into his chest. Matthew turned his body around, stepping over the line before you did.

“God, you’re such a fucking cheater Matthew,” You hit his chest, Matthew’s hands still firmly placed on your hips.

“I didn’t want to lose,” Matthew admits, all of his smug attitude diminishing immediately, “Just want you to forgive me.”

“I’ll forgive you if you never pull that shit on me again,” You poke his chest, slipping out of his grip and running to your stuff before he could notice how nervous he was making you. 

No. Absolutely not. You told yourself while you checked your phone, rolling your eyes at the warning text from Jamie that Matthew was on his way, you couldn’t have anything but indifference to Matthew Tkachuk. It got harder everytime you saw him, the past few years had been nothing short of kind to him, he was growing from a dumb immature boy to a man more and more every summer. You turn around, peeking at Matthew who was sitting down and catching his breath, a winning smile on his face, the same kind he had the very first time he schooled everyone at floor hockey in middle school.

Maybe you could be friends.

***

Matthew liked having you as a friend, mostly because as of right now that was all he was going to get. You definitely didn’t trust him, which was valid considering Matthew had been a dick to you for years, but he was working on it. He had to, that uncontrollable feeling that he cared about you was getting harder to shove back down with every year that passed.

“You’re friends now, you don’t need to stare at her like a creep anymore,” Brady scoffs, watching his brother gawk at you from afar. Matthew couldn’t help it, you just had a glow about you, you always did, but somehow in the summer you were golden. Tonight you looked even better, maybe it’s because you smiled at him when he walked instead of scowling like you usually did.

“He’s in love with you,” Steph giggles, sipping her drink and giving Matthew a side eye, “He’s been staring at you all night.”

“He apologized to me,” You confess, holding in that little secret about Matthew’s visit to the field even from your best friend. You had the same friends, the same group of people who’d been pushing the two of you to work it out for years. It wasn’t that you didn’t want them to know that they no longer had to worry about one of you blowing up because the other was there, you just wanted everyone to let it go too. Matthew deserved a little forgiveness, you could only imagine the pressure he felt on himself back then, and while he didn’t totally deserve your protection - you were going to give it to him, “Don’t-”

“Oh wonder why, I know it’s because he looooves you,” Steph teases, “Did you forgive him?”

“Yeah I mean we’re both older and I’d like to think he’s wiser, and besides our parents are way too close,” You knew this was going to be your excuse for a while. It was better for everyone that you forgave him, Jamie and Taryn spent more time together than you’d spend with anyone and you're just as close with the rest of their family. It wasn’t untrue that it was in fact for the best, but that didn’t mean Matthew’s stupid dimples didn’t persuade you before you could think about anyone else, “Can we stop talking about this?”

Matthew’s eyes didn’t leave you once that night, especially after the way Steph downed tequila shots and convinced you to join her. You deserved to celebrate, you’d accomplished something Matthew knew was your biggest dream because it was the same as his. He was proud of you, not that he’d gotten a chance to show it.

“If you’re going to go pro Y/N, you’ve got to start keeping up,” Brady chirps, watching you stumble over your own feet to walk over to him and Matthew. Matthew had seen this once before, a level of drunkenness where you turned into bambi but that was so long ago he never thought he’d see it again.

“I’ll go pro in beating your ass Brady,” You snap back, shooting daggers over Brady who was already cracking up, “Hi Matthew.”

“Hi,” Matthew’s voice was small, a weird sound considering he was usually the loudest in the room. Brady scoffs, walking away from the two of you before he snaps at how hopelessly in love his brother was. You turn your head in confusion, your mind far too hazy to realize why Brady was so annoyed in the first place, causing Matthew to chuckle, “Want to play? Might be best if we’re on the same team.”

Matthew’s thumb shot over to the beer pong set up on the other side of the room, a mischievous smirk on face, “I mean if it’s for the best.”

Matthew’s arm wrapped around your shoulders holding you close to his chest while you both played pong was definitely not for the best, and it wasn’t helping that stupid crush you had on him. You could feel Steph’s stare from the corner of the room, and you look at her to mouth a don’t at her. It was nice having Matthew on your team, finally a moment where instead of arguing with each other about who’s elbow was clearly over the table - you got to do the same thing to Brady.

“Brady you’re cheating,” You call out, Matthew’s head thrown back in laughter at your seriousness.

“You heard her Brady, elbows over the table,” Matthew breathes out, his body still rumbling with laughter at his little brother’s expense.

“Oh look at you two, you’re just gonna raise some winners one day aren’t you?” Brady chirps back, both happy to see you getting along and annoyed once he realizes that means he was going to get roasted by both of you now. You felt heat rush to your cheeks, tucking your face into Matthew’s arm in hopes no one saw the way you shrunk at that stupid joke.

“We’re winners right now,” Matthew calls out, his last ball landing in the cup and sealing the game for the two of you. Matthew would raise winners with you, it was something he thought about from time to time, but those thoughts were never going to see the light of day, “Alright drunky I think it’s time to get you home.”

“You can stay, I’ll just catch a ride with someone,” You waive Matthew off, who shook his head no at you before you even started speaking.

“One, my dad would kick my ass if he knew I left you,” Matthew starts with, holding up one finger with another on the way, “Two, we’re friends now and I’d like to make sure you don’t die before you see a pro game.”

Matthew had seen you this drunk before, but what he didn’t know was that getting you home would be more difficult than he thought. You started in the direction of your house, but apparently you were a runner and a speedy one at that. Now you were barely two blocks away from Matthew’s parents place and if he could at least get you there he’d be able to call it a night - which wasn’t fucking easy.

“Alright I’ve had enough,” Matthew huffs, jogging to catch up with you and scooping you into his arms. You were hanging over his shoulder, Matthew making his way down the street with the house in his sightline. You could have cared less, laughing your ass off while Matthew walked up the stairs and finally placed you back down on your feet, “Be quiet, go up to my room and get some clothes and go sleep in the guest room.”

You weren’t quiet, not at all and Matthew was amazed not one of his parents came down to see what all the chaos was about. After Matthew had to walk you up the stairs, running back down for some water and hoping you weren’t a disaster by the time he got back - he found you in his bed. You were curled up right in the middle, an old London Knights shirt on your body, Matthew’s favorite. Matthew grabs his comforter, throwing it over your body. He sighs, leaning against his door frame and smiling to himself at how comfortable you looked, flicking off the light and retreating to the guest room.

Matthew hated the guest room. He hated how hard the mattress was and after a few hours of no sleep and tossing and turning - he gave up. Matthew hoped no one else was up, but not to his surprise his mother was already in the kitchen, and judging by the look on her face, she knew who was upstairs.

“Care to explain?” Chantal smirks, raising her eyebrows at her son. Matthew’s face got red, his landing on the back of his neck to cover the blush.

“She fell asleep before I could even get her to the guest room,” Matthew shrugs, hoping his mom wouldn’t push it any further, “I, uh, apologized the other day.”

“Good,” Chantal hums, a knowing look on her face. She didn’t like to push Matthew, her one kid who seemed to be a little rougher around the edges than the others, but that silly feud never sat right with her, “Here, bring her a coffee, I’m sure she needs it.”

Matthew nods, grabbing the mug his mother was holding out and starting to make his way up the stairs. He heard the tell her you made it from his mother and shook his head. He knew what she was thinking, especially with the way Chantal seemed to talk about you. His mother thought you were nothing short of perfect, and Matthew would be a liar if he didn’t think the same thing.

“Did I fall asleep here?” You’d woken up confused, your question only answered by the jerseys hanging on the walls, you were in Matthew’s room. You rub your eyes, the door creaking open way too loudly for how dead you felt.

“Only after you almost fell down the stairs and ran three blocks in the wrong direction,” Matthew chuckles, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing you the mug, “You know you’re fast right?”

“Yeah,” You muse, smirking to yourself and taking a sip of coffee, “I’m sorry I did that to you, and stole your bed - I can go.”

Matthew stopped you, telling to finish your coffee and relax and he’d drive you home after. You fell into a comfortable conversation, something Matthew never thought would happen.

And watching you walk up to your steps in his shirt still wasn’t something he thought he’d see, but it was better than he imagined.

***

“Hey it’s Jamie, can’t get to the phone right now…”

You groan, tossing your phone onto your bed and continuing your pace around the room. It was well after midnight, and your sister had been out all night, and past her curfew. Usually you’d cover for her, definitely taking the prize home for the cool older sister who picks her siblings and their friends up from parties. That’s what had you so worried. Sure, Jamie was a teenager and she snuck in a few little white lies with your parents just like you’d done, but Jamie always told you the truth. She’d check in with you more than her parents, letting you know that she’s going to be out late but she’s safe and if she needed anything she knew who to call. You texted sometime around ten, just checking in since it was Saturday and you were sure she had a more riveting social life than yourself. No answer. Then eleven rolled around and you didn’t hear anything, so naturally you double texted and now it’s twelve thirty and you still haven’t heard anything. You cross your arms, looking at your phone as if you could will an answer into existence. You grab it, dialing a number you weren’t even sure would work.

“Hello?” Matthew’s voice appeared on the other side of the line, clear confusion in his voice. You let out a sigh of relief, hoping Matthew would have the answer you wanted to hear so desperately.

“Is my sister at your house?” You ask, biting your lip and throwing on a pair of sweats so you could pick her up and murder her for scaring you like that. You were sure it was innocent, Jamie slept over at Taryn’s all the time, staying up way too late watching movies or when Jamie would hide going to a party from your much stricter parents.

Matthew tells you to give him a minute, and you can hear him walking through the house. By the time you heard a door open and a small fuck under his breath, your stomach dropped, “She was supposed to be home by midnight.”

“Alright, thanks anyways,” You sigh, “Do you know where they might have gone? It’s just, Jamie hasn’t answered me in hours and she usually does even if she’s out past curfew and I’m just-”

“I’ll be at your house in ten,” Matthew says, his keys alright in his hand and his foot halfway out the door. He was more mad than worried, sure his sister was out a party past curfew. Matthew was her biggest brother, and he was far more protective over her than Brady ever could be. He hated when she did this, and Matthew was pissed. You waited on your steps, Matthew car coming into view while you sprung up and practically sprinted into his car.

“You look mad,” You observe, as if it wasn’t completely obvious. You knew why, trying countless times to remind Taryn that her brother loves her and that’s why he’s like that. You thought he could go a little easier on her, but you wouldn’t dare get in the middle of that.

“I am mad,” Matthew grits out, knuckles white on his steering wheel while he drives slowly down the street. You just drove, in hopes you’d find what was obviously a house party and hopes your sisters were inside. You squint, hoping your eyes weren’t fooling you.

“Wait, pull over I think I see my neighbor,” You yell, Matthew’s foot flying on the break and you hop out. You were right, the bright orange tuft of hair you saw was like a miracle, “Hey Henry have you seen my sister?”

“Oh yeah I think she’s still inside,” Henry points to the house behind him, music blasting and a party in full swing, “I think she’s with Taryn.”

Matthew hops out of the car, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the house with him. Matthew’s fingers were laced with yours with every step he took, weaving through the crowd in hopes you’d see them. It took three bedrooms and a laundry room until you finally saw Taryn standing in the doorway. Her eyes went wide, and you pushed past them both to see Jamie with her head in the toilet. She was fine, well she was definitely in deep shit, but it wasn’t the worst thing to stumble upon. You throw her hair up, your attention moving to Matthew yelling at his sister in the hallway.

“Why didn’t you call someone,” Matthew yells, trying so damn hard to not completely snap on his baby sister. Taryn yells that her phone had died and then Jamie got sick and she didn’t know what to do. Of course they didn’t. You were probably more sympathetic, and you knew just how pissed off Matthew could get. You get up, pushing Taryn back into the bathroom and telling her to watch your sister.

“Calm down before you talk to her, please,” You plead, grabbing Matthew’s shoulders, “Besides, I sort of need some help right now.”

There it was. The very moment Matthew realized all along you could’ve been helping him. Your hands were wrapped around his biceps, a finger gently rubbing the skin right under the sleeve of his shirt. Every bit of anger disappeared from his body, a calm feeling replacing it. He knew you were right, and he’d be thankful for it later. Matthew knew he had to do the right thing by you, and he nodded, willing to follow any directions you gave him.

Matthew carried Jamie out of the house, getting both of your sisters in the car and finally heading back to your house. You knew he was still pissed off, a present frown on his face so you just took the chance. Just like he’d done before for you, you grabbed one of his hands from his steering wheel, lacing your fingers together. You caught the smile on his face, your thumb rubbing over his hand while his shoulders seemed to just relax. Once

Matthew finally helped you get Jamie inside, a night of laying on her floor to make sure she was okay ahead of you stood in the doorway with Matthew across from you.

“Thank you, I know we’re working on this friendship thing but you really didn’t have to do that,” You were eternally grateful, wrapping your arms around Matthew’s waist and tucking your head into his chest.

“You’d do the same thing for Taryn,” Matthew hums, knowing full well he definitely owed you for being Taryn’s replacement sibling with him and Brady in Canada for most of the year, “Get some rest okay?”

“Wait,” You stop Matthew, grabbing his hand one more time, “Don’t kill your sister, please she’s just a kid-”

“You’re way too easy on them,” Matthew chuckles, shaking his head at you. He knew Taryn was probably scared, and after he calmed a bit he understood where you were coming from. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tell her that if she ever pulls that shit again - he was going to rat her out to their parents.

And when Matthew finally got back in the car, he could see his sister’s grin in the backseat, “Don’t say it.”

She held your hand, are you sure you’re not going to malfunction now?

***

Maybe you were spiraling.

You’d been waiting for this moment your entire life, now you had a few more weeks until camp started and you were afraid. You knew you were good enough, you had to be. But what if you weren’t? You could feel the anxiety settling in, a feeling you hadn’t felt since Matthew told you soccer wasn’t a real sport in fourth grace. It’d been eating at you for weeks, deteriorating any confidence you had left in yourself. So you started pushing yourself even harder. The harder you worked the less like you were to fuck it all up. Your muscles were sore, your body was tired and it was just all becoming too much.

And Matthew noticed.

You were pushing yourself too hard, even the time you were supposed to relax with your families before your seasons started was being spent training. He understood it, the term first round exit lived rent free in his head every single time his skate hit the ice over the summer, but that didn’t make it okay. You looked tired, sluggish while you moved because you were running twice a day and training in between. And he was pissed everyone seemed to be fine with it. You should start working harder then Matthew. If it bothers you so much maybe you could join her. It wasn’t that he was jealous of your work ethic, he was worried. Matthew’s eyes followed you as you ran past his house again. The third time in one day, he’d finally decided he had enough.

Matthew took the walk to your house, charming the pants off your mother for her to tell him you were upstairs because you just got back in. He knocks twice, hearing a come in from the other side.

“What are you doing here?” You question, rolling one of your ankles that just seemed to be getting more swollen every time you started to practice. Matthew noticed it, your hands freezing one you caught his gaze.

“You’re overworking yourself,” Matthew stands his ground, he knew you could have told him to fuck off because no one hates advice they didn’t ask for quite like him, “Don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“That’s rich coming from the kid who’s played with more broken bones than anyone I know,” You remind him of a few mistakes Matthew’s made playing through injuries he really shouldn’t, “I’m not fucking frail.”

“That’s not what this is about,” Matthew scoffs, it never once crossed his mind that he thought he was tough enough to play through injuries but you weren’t, “It’s about taking a break so you don’t get hurt.”

“I’m fine,” You huff, getting up and trying your best to hide the pain in your ankle when you stood on it. You fell forward, Matthew catching you in his arms and putting you back down the edge of your bed.

“Tell me what’s wrong?” Matthew asks with soft eyes, he bent down to take your ankle in his hand and inspect it the best he could. It was swelling, probably from the amount of pressure you’d been putting on your body with no breaks.

“What if I never score a goal?” You whisper, teary eyes finally meeting Matthew’s. His brows shot up, alarmed at how one of the best athletes he’s ever seen could feel the same way he felt right before his first NHL game. Matthew sits down next to you, hand on your thigh while you let out a cry, “What if I’m just a bust? Like I get there and nothing works and I suck.”

“You’ll score eventually,” Matthew scoffs, understanding how ridiculous you sounded but just how you felt at the same time, “Everyone does.”

“You scored like four games into your fucking career Matt,” You remind him, Matthew smiling a bit that you knew that to begin with. It would have been impossible not to know, or pretend like you didn’t keep a few tabs on his career. Matthew Tkachuk was a legend in the making, and whether or not you could feel butterflies in your stomach every time he dropped the gloves was a secret you’d take to the grave.

“I got suspended my first season too,” Matthew jokes, a teary eyed laugh escaping your lips, “I’d put down money you score in your first game.”

“Well good thing you have money to lose,” You sigh dramatically, the fear of fucking up still on your mind.

“You’ll find your groove, all legends do,” Matthew promises, throwing his arm around your shoulders. You snuggled into his side, a realization that he was becoming a comforting presence in your life with each passing day, “And if you don’t, you can always hide out in Canada with me.”

“Matty!” The same silly nickname Matthew introduced himself to you on your very first day of kindergarten slipped through your lips without realizing it. Matthew hadn’t been called that in ages, but it was welcome from you. You push his chest, “That’s not making me feel any better.”

“What if I told you the only reason I was so mean to you was because I was intimidated by how talented you were?” Matthew confesses, scratching your head with his fingers, “If I win a cup one day I think I owe you one.”

Matthew didn’t mention that in his wildest fantasies of raising that cup over his head, you were there. He’d owe you one and he hoped it was because you were there for him until he got there. Matthew saw it the same way every time, you’d tell him to go see his parents first but he’d fly right past them to get to you - the person who accidentally pushed him to be his best. He had plenty of daydreams about you winning too, remembering times you used to brag you’d go to the Olympics one day, and he hoped you were right. He wanted to see you succeed, more than anything, and he thought it would work.

“Legally you have to let me drink out of it,” You muse, shutting your eyes and letting yourself just rest against Matthew.

“It has to be Bud Light,” Matthew teases while watching you fake a gag. You grab his outstretched hand, letting him pull you up. His hands rested on the side of your face, eyes flickering to your lips for just a second. He wanted to kiss you, but he knew he had to wait. Wait for you to be ready. Wait for you to settle down. Or even just wait until he thought he had a real shot at forever.

Forever with you.

***

Matthew was kind of pissed off.

The press didn’t bother him, none of that mattered and at the end of the day Matthew was able to sleep at night knowing he was a good teammate and a decent person most of the time. This one got him though, some writer criticizing the A on his jersey, and how someone who plays like he does didn’t deserve a letter.

A letter he earned.

You could tell something was off, the way Matthew had been running alongside you was aggressive to say the least. He insisted he came with you, something about forcing you to take breaks. He was being your friend, even though your sisters seemed to disagree. Taryn’s words were replaying in your head, Matt doesn’t even care if I get hurt. That didn’t mean anything, those two had no idea what love was and Matthew caring about you a little bit didn’t mean he loved you. Besides, the way he was acting right now told a completely different story.

“Are you mad at me?” You finally slow down, sitting on a rock that was next to the hiking trail you were on.

“No?” Matthew stops dead in his tracks, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach that he fucked this up too, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“No, tell me what’s wrong,” You push, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes at Matthew. You could tell he was pressed about something, his neck covered in a red flush the same way it used to.

“Some stupid article about my letter, don’t worry about it,” Matthew grits, repeating his words again. His defense was up, even after you confessed to him that you were scared of not being enough.

“Get the fuck out of here with the tough guy act Matthew,” You challenge him, poking him right in the chest, “If we’re going to be friends you need to cut that shit out.”

“You really want to hear it?” Matthew barks back, fully yelling at you, “I’m tired of people thinking I don’t deserve things because I threw a few bad hits. Do you know how it feels to have everyone think you’re shitty? No you don’t, because you’re so fucking perfect that my own parents like you more than me.”

You stood there, silent while you tried to figure out how to tell him that simply wasn’t true. His entire body was shaking, the anger coursing through his veins like you’d seen many times before that. Matthew looked like he did the first time you hit a homerun in gym class, except this time it was because that same pressure never got released. You couldn’t come close to understanding the way he probably felt. You didn’t have the comparables in your own family, the constant reminders of Brady’s points tally compared to his, let alone the career his father had.

“Matty,” You whisper, grabbing his hand and running your fingers over the scars on his knuckles, “Why is this bothering you so much?”

You were sure this wasn’t the first time someone’s said he was a pest, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the last. Matthew sighed, the better part of his brain screaming at him to stop before he lost you too.

“I’ve felt like this forever,” Matthew whispers, eyes fixated on your hand in his, “From the moment I started getting bigger, there’s just been this pressure to play a certain way and act a certain way. I was a fucking kid, and while all of my friends got to go wherever they wanted all I ever did was practice. Then I finally get to where I wanted and I’m still getting shit on.”

“Except no one thinks you don’t deserve to be where you are,” You whisper, quiet words as if you were going to startle him, “And I know it doesn’t make up for things people say, but the people who love you think you deserve it.”

Matthew nods, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. Your arms wrapped around his waist, his words mumbled against your forehead, “I needed that.”

“I know,” You nod, smiling wide up at him, “And we need to practice more because you’re too slow, soooo catch me if you can!”

You slipped out of his arms, running away with a giggle and a smile. Matthew stopped for a second, his Neanderthal brain checking out your ass while you jogged away and his more logical one trying to process what just happened.

But what mattered most was that whatever you did worked and that meant something to Matthew.

***

Just admit you think he’s hot.

You wanted to kill your sister for making this weekend harder than it had to be. You were doing a good job at just friends with Matthew until Jamie was curled up in your bed while you packed for a lake trip with your friends. She pushed it for hours, rambling on about Matthew is actually your type and Taryn swears he’d be a good boyfriend if someone just understood him. The problem was, you were starting to see her point. Matthew had a glow up a few years ago, like one summer he’d gotten home and you were infatuated with him. It used to annoy you, because he’d been such an ass to you that you hated how attractive he was. Then things changed, and now looking at him was just frustrating you. You were terrified about the way he made you feel, like everything would be okay with one look of those blue eyes and a smirk. You felt like he had your back, a vast change from how you used to feel and it was just getting hard to hide it anymore.

Especially when Matthew looked like he did right now. He was holding himself up on the dock, shoulders broad and glistening in the moonlight above you. All your friends were inside, moving their party away from the water as the night lingered on. You wanted to run your fingers through his wet curls, the temptation was almost too much.

“I’ll be in Chicago a few times you know,” Matthew hums, enjoying the time alone he was getting with you. Anytime without Brady teasing him about what the Tkachuk’s had been referring to as the hand holding incident. He didn’t want them to think he didn’t want you, because he did, but he just needed to move at his own pace.

“You want to come see me play?” You ask, leaning back on the palms of your hands. You were surprised by the kind of man Matthew had become, it was a completely different person that he used to be. He cared so much about his loved ones, and you were starting to feel like maybe you had a place there.

“Actually thinking you could come see me play,” Matthew teases, sarcasm dripping from his words. You lifted your foot up, kicking some of the water below you to splash him, but he’d caught your ankle before you could. He stopped for a moment, running a thumb over your skin, “This looks better.”

“Don’t make you admit you were right,” You whine, Matthew swiftly pulling you into the water with him. You yelp, the water way too cold for any normal person, “It’s freezing.”

“C’mere then,” Matthew grabs your waist, pulling your body against his. His hands were splayed across your back, heat radiating off of them. One of your hands was on his shoulder, your other on his chest. You could feel his heart beating quickly, his eyes locked on yours, “Middle school Matthew would be so jealous of me right now.”

“Why’s that?” You hum, running your fingers along Matthew to play connect the dots with the beauty marks on his skin.

“Because he had the biggest crush on you,” Matthew confesses, his grip on you a little tighter, as if he was afraid you’d slip right through his fingers again, “But he was too thick headed to do anything about it.”

“What about grown up Matthew?” You ask, biting your lip. Matthew was practically holding you both up in the water, pressed so close together you could hear the hitch in his breath at your question, “Is he too thick headed to do something too?”

You wrapped your legs around Matthew’s waist, pressing your lips to his and tugging on the curls at the base of his neck. He pushed you up against the dock, helping you back up and pulling himself up next to you. You grabbed the back of his neck, latching your lips back on his. His hand was on your back, fingers toying with the back of your bathing suit, “Think we can get upstairs without anyone noticing?”

Matthew was cool most of the time. He never faltered under the pressure from his career, most of the time, and he definitely didn’t fold when it came to a pretty girl. You had him in the palm of your hand, every part of his brain malfunctioning in response to your words. You bit your lip, wondering if you’d read this entire situation. Matthew rubs a thumb along your lip, “When are you going to realize I’d do whatever you asked me to?”

The two of you snuck up the stairs, giggles and stolen kisses left in your wake. You open the door, Matthew’s hands still toying your bathing suit top, “Just take it off already Matty.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” Matthew breathes, his lips pressed against your neck while the garment falls to the floor, “So fucking beautiful.”

You back hit the mattress, Matthew’s hands running up your body slowly. Slow wasn’t in Matthew’s vocabulary, but he was taking his time just in case he never got this opportunity again. His fingers hooked under your bathing suit bottoms, sliding the wet fabric down your legs. You looked so beautiful, spread out just for Matthew like he’d dreamed about numerous times. His lips moved down to your breasts, teeth grazing against your skin while his tongue swirled against your nipple. You let out a breathy moan, Matthew’s ego boosting from the sound. You plucked at his curls while his mouth moved down to where you were craving him most, a gentle kiss to your clit, “Matty, please.”

“I didn’t peg you for the type to beg,” Matthew hums, pressing feather light kisses around your core. He stopped, gripping your thighs and looking up at you, “You sure about this?”

“Yes, please,” You whine, pussy dripping from Matthew’s hot breath fanning over it. Matthew chuckles darkly, fingers digging into your thighs when he flicked his tongue over your clit. You moan, completely unbothered by the blaring music a floor below you. Matthew didn’t seem to be bothered either, his tongue teasing your entrance while his nose rubbed against your clit, living for the way you were whimpering above him, “Matty-”

“Close baby?” Matthew groans, slipping a finger inside of you and curling it. You back arched, his name falling through your lips was enough to answer his question. Your legs shook, pleasure washing over your body from Matthew and all of it just felt so right. Matthew’s lips were latched to your skin until he finally met your eyes again. He smiles softly, nudging his nose with yours while you caught your breath, “So good for me.”

“Should’ve known you were that good with your mouth with the way you run it,” You tease smiling against his lips.

“Not with you, not anymore,” Matthew promises, soft blue eyes looking into yours, he meant it. He didn’t know how else to make it clearer, he wanted you. You kissed him slowly, hands trailing down his abs and stopping where his shorts hit his waist. Matthew kicks off his swim trunks, cock springing free. You grab the back of his neck, pulling your lips to his and rolling over top of him and straddling his waist. It was criminal how good you looked on top of him, “Gonna ride me babe?”

You nod, lining his dick up your core and lowering yourself on top of him. You let out a whine, Matthew’s smug smile on full display once he realized it was because of how big he was, “We don’t have to if my dick’s too big.”

“Oh shut up,” You roll your hips, watching the way Matthew’s head fell back, smirking because he really thought he had control here. Matthew’s hands gripped your waist, moving your hips faster. His finger flicked over your clit, causing you to lunge forward on top of him. Matthew flipped you over, wrapping a leg around his waist so he could hit your g-spot. Your hands gripped his shoulders, nails leaving scratches Matthew was going to wear pride later. You were seeing stars, noises leaving your throat you’d never even heard yourself make, “Fuck, Matty, I’m gonna cum again.”

“Look at me,” Matthew grabs your chin, pressing his forehead against yours and watching while your eyes roll back with pleasure. Your pussy clenched around him, his own cum spilling into you from the sensation, a loud groan following. Matthew pressed a kiss to your forehead, his cock still buried inside of you, “I wasn’t bullshitting you, I mean every word Y/N.”

“Matthew,” You whisper, running a finger along his back, “The distance…”

You didn’t mention everything, the way that if this was real it meant it would end up ripping you both apart. You were set to live in a different city, Matthew all the way in another country. The way your dreams included a spot on the U.S. National team, and the idea that wanting to be with Matthew would hold you back was terrifying. The way his dreams probably meant staying in Calgary forever, a C on his jersey and a cup over his head. It wasn’t going to be easy, you weren’t ever going to be the doting girlfriend he probably needed. There would be years of travel schedules and games that overlapped, and a part of you thought that maybe Matthew wouldn’t be able to do it. You’d get a year in and he’d find someone who would be there more and finally you’d end it.

“We can make it work, baby I want you, I always have and I probably always will,” Matthew starts, baring his soul to another person for the first time in his goddamn life, “I want to support your dreams and have you be there for mine. I’m all in here, I don’t know how else to tell you.”

“Can I have some time?” You plead, holding onto Matthew’s shoulders because you knew he could leave and tell you to never speak to him again. Matthew sighs, understanding the way you were shitting yourself about starting your own professional career, remembering the way rookie Matthew would have died before he considered settling down that first year, “Please don’t leave me-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Matthew promises, rolling over and letting your rest on his chest, “I’ll wait for you.”

You smile, snuggling closer to him. Matthew didn’t sleep a minute that night, running every single scenario that could possibly happen with the two of you. Matthew was sure it would work out, it had to, because if it didn’t he wasn’t sure he’d be able to recover.

So now all he could was wait.

***

You know this is creepy right?

Matthew stares at Sam, punching his teammate in the arm lightly and telling him to shut up. He had a night off in Chicago, and after four straight hours of staring at your contact in his phone, Matthew finally just bought the tickets. He’d been good at keeping his distance, you needed space and he respected you enough to try and give it to you. He wasn’t doing so hot, Matthew consuming more soccer games than hockey games at this point. It started with your first game, because how was he supposed to just pretend like it wasn’t happening? You scored too, and it took everything in his power not to call you to tell you that not only was he right, he was insanely proud of you.

And he’d been hearing it from everyone. Your sister thought it was bullshit, Taryn and Jamie almost had Matthew on a flight to Chicago ready to show up like a terrible Lifetime movie. Brady thought it was hilarious the way Matthew was simping like this for one girl. Now, his teammates were on him, wondering why on Earth their friend who historically ran through women faster than he did mouthguards could be this hung up on someone he had a crush on in middle school.

“What number is she?” Sam asks, sipping the beer he forced Matthew to buy after making him go along with this.

“Nineteen,” Matthew smiles, pointing down at you on the field. You looked so happy, warming up with one of your teammates and a bright smile on your face. It seemed like a good fit, your team and your new city, and it made Matthew’s heart grow four sizes.

“Did she choose your number?” Sam jokes and Matthew mumbles something under his breath, “What?”

“It was her number first,” Matthew admits, not wanting to ever confess to another soul that you crossed his mind when he kept that camp number. Sam howled next to him, leaning over his seat and cracking up at his teammate.

You looked out in the crowd about halfway through the game, rubbing your eyes to make sure you weren’t seeing things. That tuft of curls was hard to miss, not to mention you knew just how big Matthew was. He was far too into the game to realize you caught him, up in arms about a call against your team that was valid but he’d argue it wasn’t. You asked for space, and it was getting harder to stick to your guns. Especially when he was making it so clear that he wanted this.

And whether or not you went to his game the next night, was a secret you’d take to the grave.

***

You were so close you could have tasted it.

While the final seconds of your season came to a close, all you could do was hold your head in your hands and hope no one caught the tears. A semi-final loss was devastating, but a semi-final loss where there wasn’t anything you could have done differently was even worse. Every athlete had off nights, a point Keith pushed right before you left to start your season, and he was right. Unfortunately, that was this game. Your biggest fear had come true and there was nothing you could do about it now. The game was over and you weren’t moving on.

And Matthew watched it.

Matthew promised you space, and he swore he’d give you the time you needed to settle down. But, this was something he couldn’t ignore. He could tell you were off, your entire rookie season was almost perfect and watching the way you folded during this game was gut wrenching. Matthew knew better than anyone, losing sucked. So he took the chance, grabbing his phone and shooting you a text he’d been waiting to send.

Doors open in Calgary.

and I’m so fucking proud of you.

It was the very last text you saw before you went to bed that night, tossing and turning for a few hours thinking about that loss. You couldn’t stop, every bone in your body was aching and you didn’t know what to do. So you bought a flight, packed your shit and was walking down the hallway to Matthew’s apartment without a second thought. You’d left him on read, calling Brady in the middle of the night and asking for his address, who gave it to you reluctantly with a reminder that if you needed to see him this badly you should rethink the needing time thing.

Matthew let out a groan when he had a bang at his door at three in the morning. Noah definitely was trying to walk into the wrong apartment again, and Matthew was grouchy when he whipped his door open. Except it wasn’t Noah after he’d had too many. It was you, teary eyed with your shit in a suitcase and a broken heart.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” You admit, whispering something you never thought you’d say to anyone, “I just didn’t do enough-”

Matthew didn’t say a word, pulling you into a bone crushing hug and holding you as tightly as he could. You didn’t need to hear it from him, about how things were out of your control and you did your best. You didn’t want that right now, you wanted him, “Baby…”

“Everything hurts,” You whimper, finally just letting it all out. You were bruised and battered from the season, the physical pain alone was enough to upset you, let alone the loss you just took. Matthew carded his fingers through your hair, letting you soak his bare chest with your tears because he wouldn’t have it any other way. You came back to him. You came back to him when things got too tough because you trusted him to bring you some peace, and he was happy about it.

You passed out sometime after that, your tears finally running dry and the exchaustion taking over your body. Matthew woke up early the next day, grateful for the optional morning skate so he could stay with you for just a little bit longer. The sun was just starting to peek through the curtains in his room, a calm snowy morning in Calgary so the city was just a bit quieter. 

Matthew settled on breakfast, working away in his kitchen with the only thing he knew how to make. Tell her you made it, his mom’s words from just a few months prior in his head while he cooked. You padded out his bedroom, one of Matthew’s god awful beer shirts hanging from your frame while you wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed a kiss into his back, “It’s cold here.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Matthew hums, internally pumping his fist when he felt your lips form a smile against his skin. You turned your head, pressing your cheek against his against and letting out a laugh, “What’s so funny?”

“You framed my jersey?” You ask, your eye catching a jersey that was way too familiar. It was hung up beside Matthew’s from his first all star game, both number nineteens staring back at you.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my favorite player,” Matthew hums, a blush covering his cheeks, “I’m so proud of you.”

“You keep saying that,” Matthew finally turns around, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

“I’ll keep saying it long after we both retire,” Matthew speaks, words clear and sure because he’s had plenty of time to practice this one, “I’ll say it when you win a World Cup gold, I’ll say it when we have kids, I’ll say when you play at the Olympics. I’m going to say it over and over again.”

“But…” You trail off, all of those same demons you’d been fighting when it came to your whatever this was with Matthew, “What I’m not around enough for you?”

Matthew knew what you were thinking about, he’d thought about it plenty too. There were countless sleepless nights where all he did was wonder if you’d find someone in Chicago who could support you better than he could. He’d do his best, he swore he would, but in order for you to be happy, your passion came first. There was always going to be times when he couldn’t be there and it killed him.

“You’re more than enough,” Matthew promises, his lips ghosting over yours, “I want you to seize every opportunity in the world, I just want to be there to tell you that I love you and use the goat emoji on Instagram when you do.”

You let out a laugh, Matthew’s smile wide enough to see his dimples you loved so much, “I think I want to stay a little while.”

“I think you should,” Matthew agrees, capturing your lips in his, “Besides I’m playing tonight and I think I need to show off now.”

“You’re a cocky asshole.”

“But now I’m your cocky asshole.”

***

One year Later

You had a good reason to be late.

You swore Matthew couldn’t possibly be mad at you for this one. You’d missed your flight to Calgary, a few days post a second loss in the semi finals that you’d been taking much better this time around. Mainly because Matthew wasn’t there, but his stupid smile and words of encouragement where there on facetime hours later. That wasn’t the reason you were late, the reason you were late was because you’d received the most insane news of your life and it was an important phone or that flight. You’d caught the next one, legs shaking not to just call him and share the news, but you needed to tell him in person.

You’d finally gotten by the doors to the locker room entrance, out of breath from spriting there from your cab. There was Matthew, tapping his phone and staring at the clock on his phone with furrowed eyebrows. He was still in his suit, tie pulled a little looser, a nervous habit you realized he had some time ago, “Matty-”

“Don’t call me that just because you know you’re late,” Matthew huffs, already ready for the pout that would have followed so he’d forget all about the fact that you promised you’d make it on time. He holds his hand out, waiting for the handshake he made up in the car on the way to the first game you went to after he finally locked it down. You laugh, slapping your hand against his and letting him pull you closer for a kiss.

“They want me on the National Team,” You mumble against his lips, the words spilling out of your mouth when you pull away with an excited smile. Matthew stood there stunned, while you shuffled your feet in the little dance you did when you were really happy. He grabs your cheeks, pressing kisses to your lips again and again.

“We’re celebrating after this, holy shit,” Matthew cheers, still stunned by your news, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, now go score a few goals so we have even more to celebrate,” You kiss him one more time, pushing him before the door before he was late.

“Anything I do seems unimportant now!” Matthew calls out, a light laugh to his voice as he watched you walk away to go sit in the stands.

And that’s how Matthew thought it should be.

[hualian-blessing]

why mcyttwt does not think some (if not most) of the time when it comes to mcc

if i post this in twitter, i’d surely get hated upon but someones gotta have to say this one day. also this does not target to mcytblr!!! this rant is more of towards mcyttwt!!!

remember how mcyt was so chill before all of this shit? how we would watch our favorite minecraters when the community was so small? or how mcc was an event that both ccs and fans can have some fun and entertainment once per month? and that was only last year too. now look at the new generation of mcyt fans and see why some of the old fans dont really associate the new ones.

as a fan of the old gen mcytbers like DanTDM, SkyDoesMinecraft, Aphmau and CaptainSparklez. heck im a fan of pewds’ minecraft series before dream or tommy or ranboo or the new gen of mcyt ccs blew up (a year before them if im correct), and we dont see drama or bad shit all the time when it comes to their content.

now compare that to the new gen where every single fucking day, a bored fan or anti would post shit drama in twitter where some of the people from twitter moved to tumblr just to not get a headache from the batshit craziness mcyttwt brought forth. and it just snapped more when the mccp21 rolled in.

heres some of my takes about the mccp21 issue:

1) “there’s a lack of representation of lgbtq+ in the teams!!!”

heres something to tell yall about that. scott doesnt have a fucking choice. scott smajor has told time and time again, WEEKS before the announcement of teams, that there are certain requirements and limitations to mccp21 thus there will be difficulty in choosing whos entering or whos not. limitations and requirements such as it will be streamed on youtube or how streamers with twitch contracts aren’t allowed to stream or (god bless scott’s good heart) scott not allowing some of the lgbtq+ streamers in joining the special event due to wanting them to have a chance to stream and experience their first mcc (so to those who said that ranboo should have been in mccp21, shut up ‘cuz scott wanted genderman to have fun streaming his first mcc but cant due to ranboo being a well-known twitch streamer). to those who complained that ant and velvet should be in the mcc, stop being selfish and do some actual research on why scott didn’t include them. a simple question to those two’s fans would answer that they can’t make it due to them camping for a week which within those days is the mccp21. they’re having time to themselves, not wasting it on a minecraft championship. 

take in the consideration that, oh i dont know, not a lot of lgbtq+ ccs applied to the event? its not a free invite championship (in fact, mcc has always been like that), it’s an applied with the sufficient and correct requirements kind of event. the artist who created the icons from the previous mcc for the teams said that scott let in some of the new ccs in last minutes due to lack of applicants not meeting the requirements thus not having custom artworks for the teams if they want to announce the teams in time.

2.) “there’s no lesbians or trans in the teams >:(((”

sadly enough, there’s not much of the players from the lgbtq+ community but to say there’s no trans people in mccp21 is utterly false. by definition, trans mean  denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. other genders such as non-binary, genderfluid, androgyne, bigender, gender expansive all fall under trans. you define yourself with the gender you personally chose and comfy with from you birth gender. so saying there’s no trans in the teams when there are players from the event like eret or sqaishey who are nb and genderfluid respectively are there to also represent not only the sexuality but also the gender identity of others??? like c’mon, please make sense mcyttwt. 

also, while its sad to not see lesbians, please know that lgbtq+ doesn’t strictly be defined by lesbians. ffs, lgbtq+ literally means Lesbians Gays Bisexuals Transgenders and Questioning (or Queer but im not too sure about that one) which means that there are still other representatives for the community in the event.

3) “technoblade is in the event?!!! WHAT THE FUCK, HES A HOMOPHOBE/LESBIPHOBE-”

utter clowns, toxic twitter users are. do you really think that scott smajor, an openly gay man, would let a supposed “homophobe/lesbiphobe” in an event that focuses in supporting the lgbtq+ community? do you hear yourself? do you even do research where the joke he made was when he was the same age as me and it was based on a historical article back in WW2? or how he passionately supports the community especially the lesbians because a lesbian couple complimented him to which kickstart his confidence? the man willingly went to this mcc event despite being flamed a lot in twitter because he (and everyone) knows that his chat, his fans and supporters, are literal millionaires. if you saw a stream from foolish where he auctioned canonical characters for funs, a techno fan donated thousand of dollars to get technoblade, and that’s only one fan, now imagine a hundreds of thousands of them.

like it or not, technoblade has always been open about his support to the community, especially that majority of his fanbase are from the same community that mcyttwt allegedly swore that technoblade hates.

4) “since this mccp21 is pointless because theres no dteam, quackity, punz or (insert cc name), let’s have a watch party of the previous mccs to spite mccp21!!!” “let’s hope (insert cc name) stream on the 26th so mccp21 doesnt have the same amount of viewership like before!!!” “where are (insert cc name)??? gosh, this mcc is so boring without them!!!”

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut the actual fuck up. are you really seriously hearing yourself? are you willing and proudly boycotting a once in a year special event that is seriously needed by the lgbtq+ community? are you that cruel and selfish to sacrifice a project that helped tons of people just for your sick entertainment and desires? are you that evil to stop others from enjoying and donating to the trevor project? are you that inconsiderate of other ccs that aren’t part of dsmp and calling them boring? and for what? because your favorite cishet streamer isn’t there? oh booofuckinghoo! you’re so fucking petty to even post about this kind of tweets in public.

(edit: did yall honestly thought that without your favorite streamers that the mcc is not worth watching because they aren't there? well let me tell you, im a ranboo fan. ive watched him when he first entered the dsmp and watched him spinning in his unicorn chair for 5 minutes. the boo community waited for so many months for genderman to join mcc yet we didn't even do that kind of disgusting action and behavior every time he isn't in mcc. 8 months. that's how long ive watched him. ive waited 8 months for him to be in the event yet i still watch other povs like tommy's, puffy's, wilbur's, and etc., because it's fun and entertaining to watch them despite the beloved not participating in the games.

if you're that spoiled to not even watch mcc because (insert cc whose not part of mccp21 name here) isn't part of the roster then you most likely have a one dimensional humor because there will always be someone more funny and entertaining than them. i like dsmp don't get me wrong, but i found parrot's school smp funnier than dsmp yet you don't see me insulting both series, do you? learn to keep yourself if you're calling ccs as boring or dull or not entertaining enough due to not having the same big platform as the dsmp members.)

you don’t deserve to call yourself a fan if you’re doing this kinds of actions. in fact, people like you should be kicked out from the mcyt community because your kind of people are the reason why we look so bad from the outside. your toxic and self-entitled to these content creators are the reason why famous ccs like sbi, purpled, tubbo and almost ranboo left twitter/implied strict rules to their subtwts. you drove out an entire friend group that tons of fans found comfort in from the platform and you still have the audacity to this kind of shit? honestly, just leave before you give me a headache.

what im sayin’ is that mcyttwt is one of the worst, if not THE worst, subtwts out of the other subtwts in twitter. having no actual research or evidences or spreading false information is common in twitter where you would have to take what they said with a micro size grain of salt. mcyttwt already ruined the fun and spirit of mcc during its comeback in mcc14 due to the glitch and beta testing shit (ey i still stand for the ranboo beta testing but i know that will be worthless since theres hints of him joining soon in mcc15). if you’re still in mcyttwt, i suggest to get out of there while you still can. we’ll never know if there’s a bigger shitstorm than this in the mcyttwt that may happen in the future.

edit! hi bella again, ive been told by a polite and cool user that not all people from mcyttwt are toxic and/or cruel. im going to clear something up here. ive written this during the heat of the announcement of mccp21 teams. so there's a lot of complains and/or entitled people in the app (you can even see it in my previous post too if you want evidences!) that gave off mostly negative vibes towards the event.

ive seen the cool ones who actually took the consideration for scott's side and the criticism of the lack of representation of other communities within the lgbtq+ umbrella (ive even share some parts of it above so im also a bit upset to the lack of numbers in the community). and some of them are correct about recruiting lgbtq+ creators in youtube but! like i said, it's an applied event and not invitational one, so its up to that content creator if they want to join or not. the amount of cishet in the roster are just those who want to support the cause and/or backups/stand-ins in case scott and noxcrew can't find enough ccs in time!

just wanna clear this up because mcyttwt these days are covered by really cringe fans (ive noticed a pattern of them mostly new ones but there are still awesome new fans (like my irl friend who just joined this year) within the community) that covered the good ones where they enjoy, have fun and share some neat ideas and thoughts to the community within the platform!

when i said to get out of the mcyttwt while you still can, i meant to get out of there to avoid drama (that is really small contrast those who really need to address the issue) and take a break from it. it's still your choice if you want to be surround by it or not or if you want to come back to the app. all im saying is to buckle up for the shitstorm cuz this is not the last time that the twitter side of mcyt will cause negativity to the community.

[ketamineharry]

I Love Me - Harry Lewis

Requested - Yes ~ can I request an ethan/Harry one where the reader is curvy (bigger boobs/bum/hips etc) compared to Talia + Freya and the other girlfriends and they are on holiday with everyone and the reader feels a bit insecure and scared of what everyone will think when they look at photos, have photo shoots and insta comments, love you and your writing!! 🤍

Trigger Warnings: Body image issues, self-confidence issues

Authors Note: This was originally requested as a holiday, but I changed it slightly as my most recent imagine was a holiday themed one. I hope you don’t mind!

As you entered the restaurant, an uneasy feeling took over you. Usually, being seen out in public with your friends, and your boyfriend Harry wouldn’t phase you — but over lockdown, you had put on a few pounds. Expressing your emotions in a healthy way, had never been your forte so when the lockdown restrictions hit, instead of going to the local pub to drink your sorrows away, with a group of friends you had turned to eating. Comfort eating had become the norm whenever you felt sad, lonely, happy, or to put it more accurately whenever you felt anything.

While you had been piling on the pounds, Talia and Freya, had been keeping to a strict fitness regime. So naturally, they looked incredible. While you just felt deflated. To make matters worse, this was a Sidemen dinner, meaning that not only were there going to be pictures, but eyes were going to be firmly on your table.

Instinctively, as you walked you grabbed for Harry’s hand. Thankfully, he was slightly in front of you, so you could hide yourself behind his broad frame. As soon as your fingers entwined, you found a sense of serenity; despite how short lived that may have been.

As the others crowded around the table, trying to figure out seating arrangements, you focussed your energy in trying to remain calm. All you wanted was to have a seat on the outskirts, so that you wouldn’t have to participate in the group Instagram photos. The self-loathing from the way you looked in this moment was enough to fuel your insecurities for a good few months, you certainly didn’t need the constant reminder on Instagram too.

Luckily, you managed to secure the seat you wanted. Josh, being the father of the group dictated where everyone else was going to sit. Usually, there was a rule of thumb that you sat in couples; but you had ended up sitting in between JJ and Freya. Harry was on the opposite side of the table, his phone in one hand, completely engrossed in an app, knowing him it was most likely Twitter. However, in this seating arrangement you felt sick. Your one lifeline, although not ridiculously far from you, had been cut off. You were going to have to brave this one out.

The waiter approached the table and introduced themselves. He had a cheery disposition until they made eye contact with you, their fake customer service smile fading as he served you his best judgemental glare. It lasted a split second, but you knew what it meant. The feeling of being out of your depth was confirmed in that look, it wasn’t just you that felt it, it was felt by those looking in on this dynamic of people. Why would they want to associate themselves with you?

“And for the lady?” He asked, glancing over at you again. His demeanour changed once more. You remained silent for a moment, mulling over whether to ask for what you actually wanted or order something that you didn’t want to avoid more disapproving glares.

“May I suggest the chicken caesar salad.” He adds, knocking you out of your stream of consciousness.

“That would be lovely thank you.” You respond. The last thing that you wanted was to cause a scene. In fact, the thing you wanted most was to be ignored, unseen. It was blatantly obvious what everyone was thinking, where their stares ended up… all on you.

The plates of food started to arrive, being placed before everyone. You looked around, envious. Their food all looked insanely good, Talia had mac and cheese while Freya had a vegetarian lasagne. To say that you were covetous, as you chowed down on some lettuce, was an understatement. Just some flavour would have been nice.

The same waiter came back to see if anyone wanted any desserts, Harry ordered a chocolate cake with some whipped cream and Freya ordered a cheesecake, Ethan wanted a coffee, the others weren’t really bothered though. What was made apparent, was that you weren’t even asked by the waiter.

Freya turned to you, a sympathetic look on her face. “Are you ok?” She asked, as she placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” You mumbled unconvincingly, certain that Freya could pick up on how you were feeling. She had been sitting next to you the entire time after all.

“Let’s go to the ladies yeah? I’ll just text Josh to let him know what’s going on.” She said, as she retrieved her phone from her bag. She quickly sent the text before she grabbed your hand and directed you to the bathroom.

Freya held the door open for you, as you both walked inside, she went over to the sinks and climbed up on top of them. Crossing her arms. Inspecting you slightly.

“So, spill… what’s wrong with ya?” She questioned, with a small reassuring smile.

You took a deep breath in and out, as you tried to steady yourself. As much as you loved Freya, talking about your feelings to anyone was a challenge that you faced daily. It was hard enough being open with Harry about your feelings, and he was the person that you trusted most. Never mind one of your closest friends.

“I hate the way I look.” You confessed, as you subconsciously started to tug at the dress you were wearing. It all of a sudden felt too tight, too claustrophobic, as if the material had shrunk from the time it took you to walk from your table into the bathroom.

“You and Talia, you are both gorgeous and slim. I’m not that way at all. You can wear whatever you want and look good. If I so much as looked at a belly top, people would be disgusted.”

Freya remained silent, letting you ramble on about how much you hated your body and what you looked like. How out of place you felt and what you wish you could change about yourself. When you were finally finished, she jumped down off of the counter and engulfed you in a hug.

“Don’t you ever, ever feel like you aren’t good enough. You are the funniest person I have ever met. You make me belly laugh every single day. You spread so much positivity, and you make sure that everyone around you feels loved. I am slim, but do you know what… I’d kill for a rack like yours.” She whispered, as she comforted you.

“As for that asshole waiter who has been making you feel like shit all night, don’t think that no-one else has noticed it, because they have. They’re all too polite to embarrass him in public, but trust me, he’ll get his comeuppance. Now, wipe those tears and let’s go show him what a fucking bad ass bitch you are.” She laughed, as she grabbed your hand once again, as she led you back out to the table.

The bill was laid out on the table, the seven cards were placed on top of it as you rejoined the group.

“Here she is.” Harry beamed, as he reached out for you. You went and gave him a hug, before taking your seat again.

As the waiter collected the bill, Harry called him over. “I’d like to give you a cash tip, can you follow me outside so I can draw the cash out?” He asked. The waiter nodded, a gleam in his eye. Harry gave you a gesture, letting you know to follow him.

Once you were outside, how cold it was finally hit you. It made you recoil into yourself.

“Yeah, the tip I wanted to give you was to never, and I mean never try to ridicule my girlfriend about anything.” Harry said, swiftly connecting his right fist to the waiters cheek.

“Run.” He shouted, as he grabbed your hand, your feet pounding on the floor until you reached the car. You were both panting, leaning on each other for support.

“You do know you’re still a ten out of ten to me. No matter what.” Harry smiled, as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “Now let’s go and get a McDonalds, because I know you’re still hungry and it’s your favourite.”

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Cancelled-Dream Was Taken

A/N: Surprise bitch. Weren’t we expecting for me to release mcyt fanfics soon? If I didn’t tag my usual @‘s it’s because idk if you’d like to be tagged for mcyt content.

Pronouns: she/her

Word Count: 2.3k+

_________________

"You're so harsh on him!" Her hands sat on the keyboard, staring at the green human that stood on Y/n's computer screen.

She needed to be careful. While this was a heated moment, she couldn't let herself get too loud for multiple reasons. If she got too loud, Dream's stream viewers would be able to tell she was in the next room or they would just receive noise complaints from their neighbors.

"No Y/n! You're too soft on him! He needs to learn that he can't get away with everything. You're setting him up for failure." As the h/c girl listened to her roommate speak, she had to remind herself over and over again; 'This wasn't real.' Dream was mad, not Clay.

This had all been arranged as roleplay. Y/n would be leaving in a few days to go visit some of her family for a reunion, so Wilbur had been the one to think up the brilliant idea of what was playing out now; an argument between Y/n and Dream. The plan was to have Y/n get so upset she didn't log onto the SMP for the next few days, only to come back with a master plan to backstab Dream.

At first, Clay wasn't really on board with the thought of him getting angry at Y/n. They had been together for a little over a year, there wasn't a single moment they had gotten upset with one another. But surprisingly, Y/n had been the one to convince Clay it was a good idea.

The fans knew Dream and Y/n had a close friendship, Dream had always been so protective of her. But when this was going down, they didn't know how to act.

Every time Y/n would glance at her chat, she'd see thousands of comments rising up as new ones appeared. Comment after comment, it looked like the fans were shocked by the way this stream was turning out.

"I'm not setting him up for anything! He's a kid, Dream!" Y/n glanced from the chat,  back at the screen showing her PC game. Standing on her screen was Dream and Tommyinnit, she had accompanied Dream to visit Tommy.

"You're just babying him! 'He's a kid!' Well, he needs to learn to grow up eventually," his voice had been filled with such spite. It felt weird to hear Clay speaking to her like this in such a tone.

For a moment, she stared at the green man before a short scoff escaped her lips. "I can't believe you." With that, Y/n had pressed a few keys, turning her character towards the nether portal a couple of yards away. Before Dream had gotten the chance to speak again, Y/n began to move away.

"Y/n! Come back here!"

She flicked a few buttons, taking a moment to look behind her character to see Dream following. Good, everything was going according to plan. Within the next few minutes, she'd be able to log off and she'd be on vacation for the next few days.

The h/c girl ignored the green man as she stepped through the portal, taking her to Minecraft's version of hell. Almost done, she just needed to find a good spot to stop as she listened to Dream continue to speak.

"You can't keep ignoring me! You know I'm right in this. You know you can't keep defending Tommy. You know Tommy is driving a wedge between us-"

Perfect. Y/n had stopped just on the edge of a bridge, molten lava sat feet below them. If she fell, she'd surely die. "No."

"No?" Dream was a bit surprised to hear Y/n cut him off, but he stayed silent as he was prepared to listen to what she had to say.

"No. No more. I don't wanna hear you blame Tommy for us breaking apart. I want you to listen to me. You've been acting like much more of a dick than usual and I hate it. I despise it. You've changed for the worst because you think you can step on everyone. At this point, everyone fears to tell you the truth-except me. I'll be a hundred percent honest with you, you've been so egotistical, it's really pissed me off. This is your fault, Dream. Not Tommy's. You exiled a child for pulling a prank on a vacation house! Not even George's real house!"

"But-"

"Shut the fuck up. I'm done, but I don't wanna hear you bullshit me. So shut the fuck up."

A moment of silence passed between them as Y/n stared at her screen. Just a few more steps.

And within seconds, Dream had pulled out his netherite sword. With one hit, she was falling back into lava. Y/n glanced at her chat, a look of shock on her face as she read over what a few comments said. A moment of silent tension had passed before Y/n had finally spoken up, removing her from the voice chat she was in.

"Alright guys, I guess that's enough for the day. I'll see you all... later." With that, she had clicked a few buttons, raiding Dream's live-stream as she ended hers.

For the next 20 to 30 minutes, Y/n knew Clay would be busy streaming. So she had decided to take a bit of time to wind down and think to herself.

Get a glass of water.

'Are the fans harassing him in his twitch chat?'

Sit down on the living room couch.

'The SMP fans were always so protective of me.'

Pet Patches.

'Was I too much when I snapped at him?'

It didn't seem like 30 minutes had passed when Clay had walked out of his streaming room, only to find Y/n on the couch with Patches in her lap. "Hey, N/n." "Oh, your stream is already over?" Y/n smiled, pulling herself out of her thoughts as she scoot over, giving Clay room to take a seat right by her.

"Yeah, did you lose track of time or something?"

"I must've. How did the chat react after I 'died'?" She smiled up at her boyfriend as he wrapped an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer into his embrace.

"Everyone was filled with joy that you died."-Y/n playfully swatted at him. "Okay, okay! I got a few chat messages of people bashing me for it, but it's fine."

"Well, it's a good thing the chat wasn't completely littered with hate. How was it after my raid?"

"Honestly, not that bad as you expect. Like I said, just a few comments. Nothing bad, I just ignored it." Clay placed a hand on Patches's head, gently scratching her, followed by the animal beginning to purr.

"Good to hear, anyways... I'm not ready to pack. Do you think we can procrastinate?" The h/c girl let out a huff leaning against her boyfriend. "How?"

"I was thinking a bit of movie binging, cuddling, and ordering dinner?" A cheeky smile spread on her face as she spoke.

"It's like you read my mind."

The couple had made it through three movies, by now it was later at night. The sun had set and they had already door dashed some food. By now they were in the middle of watching 'The Empire Strikes Back.'

'I love you.' 'I know.'

The iconic moment between Hans and Leia had been interrupted by the sound of Clay's phone buzzing. "Why is George calling?"

"What?" Y/n was a bit curious herself. Considering the timezones, George should be asleep right now. Pausing the TV, she turned her attention to her boyfriend's phone.

"Hey Clay."

"What's up, George? Isn't it like early in the morning for you?" Clay raised a brow, moving his phone so Y/n would be able to see George as well.

"Yeah, I had to stay up to fix a YouTube video I need to get out today. I was about to go to bed and I checked Twitter-"

"Oh no." Clay made a short joke, only to be cut off by his friend.

"I don't know if it's trending for you in America, but you might as well look."

"What's going on?" He swiped up, taking him to his home screen so he could click on the little blue bird app. Y/n had grabbed her phone from the coffee table, opening up the app as well. "#Cancel Dream... #Y/n... #Dream SMP"

"Is... is Clay getting canceled for killing me in Minecraft?" Y/n scrolled through the tweets involving the hashtag 'Y/n.' She could see plenty of people defending her, but making it much bigger of a problem than it actually was.

"Oh, hey Y/n. But yeah, he is." George chuckled awkwardly, scrolling through his Twitter app as well.

"This is so fucking stupid."

"It really is. So we might as well get this cleared up with the fans as soon as possible. Do you want me to tweet something, or do you want to?" Y/n looked up at her boyfriend, it looked like he was thinking.

"Yeah, I'll tweet it. Don't worry about this, Y/n."

"Alright, whatever you say," she replied, pulling a blanket over her as she waited for Clay to finish typing his response.

"Here's what I'm gonna say: 'I can't believe you guys actually think me and @(y/n) are in an actual fight in real life. We have been good friends since forever, the fight was only roleplay. I love that you guys are so protective of Y/n, but no one's actually upset.' How's that sound?"

"I think that's good," George hummed softly.

"Yeah, I doubt you'll stay 'canceled' once you've explained to them it was all part of the SMP lore." The h/c girl smiled up at her boyfriend with a small nod.

"Alright, I'm gonna post it. George, I think you should go to bed because you're half asleep already."

Y/n turned, looking at her boyfriend's iPhone. "Go to sleep, Gogy!"

"Alright, alright... I'll talk to you guys later." The call had ended with Clay and Y/n saying goodbye to their friend while George simply yawned to them as a response.

As soon as the call was over, Clay looked at the response to his tweet. It didn't seem to be going too well. There had been a few fans who understood what was going on and responded with a paragraph as an apology for the misunderstanding. But most replies had been telling Clay he was bullshitting the fans or that he wasn't being honest.

"I'm sorry, Clay," his girlfriend had huffed as she read through the responses to his tweet.

"Honestly I'm just a bit pissed off. Literally, any time someone tries to 'cancel' me, it's over something stupid. I'm not a bad guy, it just feels like some people just don't want to see me succeed." Clay had excused himself to grab a glass of water from the kitchen.

It hurt Y/n to hear how upset her boyfriend was. He never got too upset over things, but seemed to take a small toll on him. "Hold on. Let me say something." The h/c girl couldn't be asked to post multiple tweets of her response to hate sent towards Clay over the internet. So what was better than a short video that could be posted to the blue bird app?

"Um, hey guys. I'd just like to make this quick. Stop sending hate towards Dream. The fight was roleplay and nothing more. I'm gonna be busy for the next couple of days so Wilbur thought of a good idea to help build SMP lore with me and Dream and we both agreed to the argument. Now stop sending the green man hate, or I'll commit war crimes or something-"

Y/n had been interrupted by the sound of Clay letting out a small giggle. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, just keep going with your video."

"Whatever, I'm cool. No matter what Dream says. Anyways, I'll speak to you all later." Y/n had hit the red button again, ending her video. Within seconds, the video had been uploaded to her Twitter account.

Placing her phone back down on the table, Y/n approached her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his torso. "I'm really sorry about the hate, Clay. I love you."

"Don't apologize for something you can't control. I love you more." The brunette held his partner close, accepting her hug. Y/n always loved his hugs, she always felt so safe in his embrace.

The rest of the night had been spent with more cuddling and more Star Wars movies. Hours had passed before Y/n had even thought about the Twitter situation again. But for some reason, she had decided to look at the app again tonight.

It was 2 in the morning by now, Clay was half asleep. His head laid in the h/c girl's lap as she brushed a hand through his hair, her free hand opening up her Twitter app once again.

It had been a bit of a surprise to see a couple of trending hashtags had changed so quickly. What was trending now was #Dream, #Y/n,#(ship name), and #Dream's Laugh. This had to be about Y/n's short clip she posted. And by the looks of it, people had stopped acting so harsh towards Clay. But instead, they had decided to focus on the fact Dream and Y/n were hanging out together. Not to mention the fact Dream and let out a stupid little giggle because of Y/n. People had been apologizing to him through Twitter for being so hard on him.

"Babe."

"Hm?" Clay mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Pretty much everyone is apologizing to you over Twitter for being hardasses."

"Hm, that's good to hear."

"You're really tired, huh?" Y/n paused her scrolling to look down at her boyfriend.

"Yeah," He continued to mumble, followed by a short yawn.

"Alright, time for bed, babe." Y/n smiled to herself, beginning to carefully move away from Clay. "I can pack tomorrow and we can laugh over the stupid bird app tomorrow after you've gotten a good amount of sleep."

"I still can't believe Twitter tried canceling me over roleplay."

"I can't believe you got uncancelled by shippers."

Taglist: @notphilosopherstudentblog

[tsrookie]

Always In My Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: On today’s episode of ‘I have no idea wtf I’m doing’, we have something that I cooked up because I had terrible WiFi and no other app but Google docs would open up.

Trope: Fluff, but a tiny bit of angst?

Rating: General

Word Count: 2.3K

Warning(s): Mentions of character death

Summary: Their son has a very important question to ask.

——————————

The delicious aroma of chicken and rice wafted through the Brooks-Ramsey household. The couple worked side by side in the kitchen as they had all those years ago, the only difference being that it was now a dinner for five and not just two.

Allison Dolores Brooks-Ramsey came into their lives nine years ago, and while it was earlier than they would have wanted, they didn’t regret a second of their lives ever since they first heard her voice.

The twins on the other hand, were planned, but nothing had prepared them for the chaos that Nathan and Natalie would bring. A new broken object every week, a dozen fights for the TV every day, and yet were nothing short of tiny tornadoes when they joined forces.

It couldn’t be more perfect.

“What time did Jackie and Emilia say that they would bring the girls back?”

“6:30, I think.”

“Ah. So we have time till 7:00.” They shared a knowing smile. Two aunts taking their nine and six year old nieces to the mall meant a complete raid of the toy store, and a new guitar.

“You need to stop letting everyone spoil the girls just because you have a soft spot for them, Ethan. Ally’s grown old enough to understand that she has her daddy wrapped around her finger, and we don’t need Nat coming to that realisation as well.”

“I don’t- I can’t believe you would accuse me of not loving all my children equally!”, he exclaimed in mock offense.

“Mhmm. So why did I have to come up with an explanation to tell Nathan why his dad wasn’t on board with ordering dessert when he asked for it, but relented once his sisters kept bugging him for another five minutes?”

He opened his mouth in protest, but decided against saying anything for his own good. “Well what can I say? They’ve inherited their mother’s persuasiveness. And I can’t really say no to you, can I?”

Alyssa’s lips curved upwards at that. The playful look in her husband’s eyes caused her to finally break into a grin. “At least you’re self-aware.” Stuffing the rice into the bird she added, “But I can’t exactly tell our son that his dad is too in-love with his mom that he sees her in his daughters and hence can’t say no to them. He’d gag in disgust.”

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. “That he would. Alright I’ll try a little harder to resist their charms. Wouldn’t want my only son to end up hating me.” He said it without a hint of worry over it becoming true someday. Over the years, he’d learned to put aside his fears of not being a good father, and with the help of some therapy, and Alyssa’s unwavering love and support, he’d locked up his insecurities in a box and let it sink to the bottom of the ocean.

They took the stuffed chicken and put it in the oven, washed their hands and plopped down on the couch for some rare downtime.

“Crap.”

“Everything okay?”

“Fred’s mom got called in, so she’s dropping Nate off on her way to work.”

Ethan sighed. “There goes the hour I planned to spend with my wife, who I barely get to spend enough time with these days.”

“I swear, you were never this busy when you were chief. I have no idea why my workload’s ten times bigger.”

“I do.” Ethan smiled with pride. “One usually does have a lot of work when they’re at the front lines of the battle for making free healthcare accessible for every single person in the country. My brilliant wife, though she could choose to leave most of the work to her very competent team, opts to take it all upon herself. So that’s probably the cause behind all the extra workload she complains about.”

She smirked and perched herself onto his lap. “Well your very brilliant wife also knows that you called my team very competent just to avoid hurting my feelings, and that you and I both know that they’ll be running around like headless chickens without me taking care of things.”

“I know, love. But you can still make them do a little more instead of working yourself to the bone while still making sure that you have at least one meal with the kids every day.”

She sighed. “Yeah, to make sure that they don’t forget what I look like.” She leaned in closer. “Besides, are we really going to spend our last few minutes of peace talking about work?”

Just as she uttered the words, the door burst open, and Nathan kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the couch as Alyssa slid down from Ethan’s lap. She shot him a look that very clearly meant What did I just say?

Ethan gave her an apologetic look and ruffled his son’s hair. “Hey buddy. How was your day at Fred’s? I know you wanted to spend more time with him.”

“I did, and we were just about to open his new LEGO set when Mrs. Watson told us that she had to run up to her office for some emergency meeting.”, he pouted. “But it was a nice day. We watched Thor: Ragnarok and Luca, and we would’ve watched another movie if his dad didn’t tell us that two movies were enough for a day.”

Alyssa shot him a mildly stern look. “Well he was right. You’re too young to have movie marathons just yet. Two are more than enough, unless you want to have a headache.”

“But mom, I’m not too young! I’m a big boy! I can swing along the monkey bars at the park faster than Natalie, and soon I’ll swing across buildings just like Spider-Man!”

“Well Spider-Man got bitten by a yucky spider before he swung across buildings. Do you want to be bitten by a gross and poisonous spider?”

“Mommy, not all spiders are gross and poisonous. Dad told me that when I was four and got scared of them at the zoo.”

She rolled her eyes. Leave it to her husband to convince her kids that insects were anything short of creepy and disgusting. In reality, they were, but as someone who ran a mile away at the sight of a butterfly, she wasn’t going to accept that.

“That’s right, Nate. Some of them are certainly very poisonous and dangerous, but that doesn’t mean that you should be scared of them. If you maintain your distance and admire them from afar, there should be no problem at all.”, he said with a pointed look at Alyssa, who just huffed in annoyance.

Nathan giggled, his brown eyes lighting up with amusement. He loved watching his parents playfully bicker. It was way better than seeing them- ugh, kiss.

“We were pretending to be superheroes and Fred used his full name for his pretend name cause it sounded cool, and it is. Fredrick Anthony Watson sounds like something from that show you and mom watch with the guys in the stuffy suits.”

“When did you see us watching the show with the guys in the stuffy suits?”, asked Ethan with a slight hint of concern. Whatever he and Alyssa watched on their free nights was definitely not kid-friendly.

“I don’t remember. Maybe a few months ago.”

Their year old puppy, Ivy, woke up from her nap and bounced into the living room to jump onto her favourite person. Nathan squealed with joy as the fluffy hair of the dog tickled his nose.

Ethan and Alyssa smiled at each other. Getting another dog after Jenner was a decision that took a lot of convincing, but their kids were responsible enough and it was impossible to say no after two years of constant pestering.

“Fred told me that he was named after his great-grandfather William, and that he was this really cool guy who saved a bunch of guys from getting mugged in a dark, dark alley.” He turned to look at his parents as Ivy snuggled into his lap. “Who was I named after mom?”

The question caught her off guard, and she glanced at Ethan for backup.

When they knew that they were having a boy, they immediately knew what to name him. They hadn't, however, anticipated Nathan Daniel Brooks-Ramsey to ask such a question this soon.

Seeing his wife at a loss for words, Ethan spoke up. “C’mere Nate.” He pulled him closer and pressed a kiss atop his head. “We once had a friend named Daniel. He worked at the hospital as a nurse, and he was close to your mom and Aunt Sienna when they were interns.”

Having found her voice, Alyssa joined in. “He was an amazing friend. He was the only nurse in the hospital who helped me out when things got messy, and cheered up Aunt Sienna when no one else could. He’d join us for picnics and movie nights, and you could always count on him if you needed something at the hospital.” She took a deep breath, and Ethan nodded. “Things were going well, but then in my second year, something really bad happened.”

“Oh no.”

“There was this bad guy, who wanted his revenge on another bad guy, and he was ready to risk his own life, and the lives of everyone around him to do so.”

“That’s horrible! Who would want to do something like that?”

Ethan smiled wistfully. “A lot of people in this world actually do. You’re a good person, so you know that it’s wrong. But some people aren’t, and they don’t care about other people getting hurt because of their actions. That night at the hospital, Danny tried to tell the bad guy that it was wrong, and to think things through. But he didn’t listen, and did something that hurt both himself, Danny, Uncle Raf, another friend of ours, and your mom.”

His little eyebrows creased with worry, Nathan asked, “What happened then?”

“He… he died. Along with our other friend, Bobby. Do you remember what we once told you about an autopsy?” Nathan nodded his head. “Well Danny asked for his body to be autopsied, and thanks to him, we were able to find out what was wrong with mom and Uncle Raf.”

He fell silent for a moment, remembering the horrors of the day, and how eternally grateful he was to Danny for being the reason he didn’t lose everything. He couldn’t imagine a life without the love of his life and his children, and he wouldn’t have either if not for the sacrifices that were made.

He looked up at Alyssa, and she squeezed his hand in support. “We’ll tell you more when you’re older, but to make it short, you’re named after a hero too. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have you, your sisters, or mom here with me.”

Nathan wriggled out of his dad’s arms, and set Ivy down so he could hug his mom as tightly as he could.

“Well… if you can hear me Mr. Daniel, I just wanna thank you. Thanks for saving my mom. I love her so much and I’m so thankful that I got to meet her because of what you did. I wish I could’ve met you, you sound like a really cool person, and I’m sure you were. So yeah, thanks. A lot.”

Alyssa’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears, and she held her son as she expressed her silent thanks along with Ethan.

What they had was precious.

Fifteen years had passed since they first met, and yet each day they fell in love a little more like they did when they held hands for the first time in the dim light of the NICU watching over little Ethan, or when she finally got to see the real him the first time she visited his place; the first time in years he let someone know a little of the worries residing deep in his heart.

With all the odds against them, it was a miracle that they survived, even more so that they managed to raise three perfect children who had more love to share than they could ever comprehend.

And they’d never forget all the reasons that made it possible for them to survive.

Ding!

The timer on the oven went off, and they got to their feet to get the chicken.

“Was he a good cook dad?”

“I… don’t really know, Nate. Your mom knew him better than I did.”

“Well there was this one time where he helped Aunt Sienna bake an amazing cake, so I guess he knew his way around the kitchen.”, Alyssa recollected fondly. It was for Jackie’s birthday, one of the few nights where the competition was completely forgotten about.

Nathan’s face melted into a glowing smile. “I love cake. So I guess I really would’ve loved him.”

She mirrored his radiant expression. “You definitely would’ve.”

“Why don’t you go play with Ivy while mom and I get the food ready? You can help us with the dessert later.”

“We’re having dessert?!”

Ethan grinned at his son’s excitement. “You bet we are.”

“Yay!” They watched as Nathan ran off to go play fetch with Ivy in their enormous backyard.

Ethan pulled Alyssa in for a sweet, lingering kiss as soon as he was out of sight.

“You’ve been wanting to do that for a while now hmm?”

“Something like that.”, he murmured as they broke apart.

She could see the ever-increasing strands of silver in his brown hair, and the faint wrinkles along the sides of his forehead, but his clear blue eyes were just as loving and devoted as she remembered from over a decade ago.

“We have a pretty good life, don’t we?”

Ethan kissed her again. “No, we have the perfect life.”

——————————

A/N 2: Aaaand I’m going MIA again. Honestly though, to everyone who’s read so far, thank you so much for sticking around. Means the world💙

P.S: I finally chose Chyler Leigh as my face claim!

Taglist: @whimsicallywayward15 @aleynareads @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @rookiefromedenbrook @eramsey28 @the-pale-goddess @ohchoices @wellhelloramsey @mvalentine @swiftlydarcy @utterlyinevitable @akshara16 @sushiharrington @drethanramslay @lion-ess24 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @drariellevalentine @perriewinklenerdie @blossomanarchy @stateofgracious @takemyopenheart @open-heart-ramseyyy @maurine07 @udishaman @queencarb @ethanramseylover @rookiemarsswiftie @aworldoffandoms @lsvdw-blog @n03lia @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfan @jamespotterthefirst @senseofduties

Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist!

[storiesforallfandoms]

he’ll never see this ~ noen eubanks

word count: 1994

request?: yes!

“Hi can you do one imagine of Noen Eubanks, like, the reader is a tik toker or influencer something like that and they have a crush on each other,and they Fans are Shipping them.

Thanksss💖🖤💖🖤💖”

description: in which she admits her feelings for a fellow creator during a stream thinking he’ll never see it

pairing: noen eubanks x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

The sound of a new donation message coming in pulled you away from your game for a split second. The automated voice read the message out to you: “are there any influencers that you are totally crushing on right now?”

You chuckle to yourself as you turn back to your game. “You guys really wanna start something, huh? You realize this will be trending within an hour if I say anything.”

You glanced over at your chat to see they were begging you to tell them who your influencer crush was. You had mentioned a few times that there was a fellow influencer that you had a crush on, but you refused to admit who it was (for obvious reasons). Your viewers, however, were determined to find out who this mystery man you liked was.

“We promise we’ll keep it a secret,” you read, managing to catch one message before it disappeared into the void of never ending messages. “I don’t believe you guys at all.”

You laughed as you watched the chat blow up again. You finally paused your game and made your face cam bigger for the audience. “Okay, you know what? Fuck it, there’s no way he’ll ever see this and I’m not big enough of a content creator to have articles written about me. My influencer crush is Noen Eubanks. If you don’t know who he is, look him up on TikTok and you’ll totally understand why I have such a crush on him.”

Your chat went absolutely wild at this. You went back to playing your game, smiling to yourself as you did so. It felt nice to get that off of your chest, and you knew you were about to get a kick out of your fan’s reactions to this.

Like you said, you had no fear of Noen actually finding out what you said. You had a bit of a following, but it was nothing too big. Just enough that you could be classified as “Internet famous”, but not enough that admitting you had a crush on someone else who had a much bigger following than you would be a big deal.

Or so you thought.

After your stream, you decided to go right to bed. You were feeling tired and had to get up early to edit the video you were planning on uploading. You weren’t awake to witness the internet absolutely explode over your comment, but lucky for you it was still happening when you woke up the next morning.

When you checked your phone for the first time that day, you noticed that your notifications had blown up over night. You figured it was just your fans teasing you over your crush on Noen, which it partly was, but you noticed that it was also YouTube news Twitter accounts and internet tabloid accounts tagging you in their articles about your crush on Noen.

“Oh no,” you said, your eyes widening as you read through article after article, tweet after tweet.

Before you knew it, you had spent nearly two hours sat on the floor, reading through everything that mentioned both you and Noen. All the articles were the same: an brief introduction to you and your small Twitch/YouTube following, talking about you admitting to having a crush on Noen the night before, and asking whether the reading audience believed that you and Noen would make a good couple or not.

The reactions from fans were as entertaining as you figured - with many of your fans trying to come up with ship names for you and Noen and tagging him in clips from your stream - but then there were the less than entertaining reactions. Many people, whether they were Noen’s fans or just people who wanted to hate on you you weren’t sure, were saying you had mentioned Noen’s name just for clout, or that your “crush” was nothing more than an infatuation over his looks.

It wasn’t until your phone rang that you were finally pulled out of your trance and back to the real world. Your friend’s name lit up on your screen, and it took you a moment to collect yourself before you answered.

“(Y/N), have you been online yet today?” she asked.

You sighed and nodded, then remembered she couldn’t actually see you. “Yeah, I’ve been scrolling for the past two hours on Twitter.”

“You haven’t checked your Twitch page, or YouTube account yet?”

Your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “No? Should I?”

“You definitely should.”

You put her on speaker and switched to your Twitch app. You were shocked to see that you had skyrocketed in subs overnight, same with your YouTube page. You had gained a solid ten thousand subscribers on both platforms, and it was still rising by the second.

“So this situation has gained me more subscribers, who cares? That’s not why I talked about Noen on stream,” you said.

“Oh no, honey. It isn’t just the situation that has given you new subscribers. Go check Noen’s Twitter.”

You knew what she was implying, but you had to see it for your own eyes. You immediately opened the Twitter app again and typed in Noen’s name. You were brought to his Twitter page, where his most recent tweet was a link to the clip from your stream along with a caption that read, “When your internet crush calls you *their* internet crush”.

You covered your mouth in shock. You were sure you were about to start screaming, but you were so speechless that you couldn’t force any sounds from your mouth.

“I’m assuming by the silence that you’ve seen it,” your friend said after a prolonged moment of silence.

“D-Did he just c-call me his...?” you trailed off, unable to finish your sentence.

“He did,” your friend confirmed. “And both of your fans are going wild. They’ve already come up with a ship name for you, which isn’t the most clever name but I admire their spirit.”

You could barley hear what your friend was saying. You were still staring at the tweet in disbelief. Your mind could barley comprehend anything else besides the fact that your online crush thought the same as you. You were trying to tell yourself not to get too worked up, as it was most likely that nothing was going to come from this besides some gossip for a week or more, but your heart was still racing with excitement.

You gasped as a notification popped up on the top of your screen: “@/eubanks_noen is requesting to message you”.

“He’s trying to DM me,” you whisper, so silently that you could barley hear yourself.”

“What?”

“He’s trying to DM me! On Twitter!”

“What are you doing talking to me?! Go answer his DM!”

You were too focused to laugh as you hung up the phone and went into your DMs. The familiar profile picture that you saw almost every day on your timeline was the first thing you saw in your message requests. Your whole body was shaking so much that you could barley see the screen as you pressed to open it.

“hi :)”

It was a very simple message, but it was enough to make your heart race even more.

You were debating on messaging back, wondering if maybe this was a fake account or something. But you knew there was only one way to find out for sure, so you took a deep breath and responded.

“hi! :)”

His response came near seconds later: “so...we’re the internet’s hottest power couple, huh?”

You chuckled to yourself. “i guess we are. sorry if i ruined your mentions last night. i didn’t think it would blow up the way it has. i’m not all that famous online.”

“are you kidding me? you’re like one of the best twitch streamers. i’ve watched every single one of your streams, including last night’s”

You felt your face heating up, but a slight groan of embarrassment came from your lips. You were thinking of all the embarrassing things you had said and done on stream, and now wished you could just melt into the floor or erase the entire internet.

“oh that’s embarrassing. i’d say i’m not that awkward and dumb in real life, but i’m actually more so”

“i wouldn’t say you’re awkward or dumb at all. i think you’re adorable”

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed to no one in particular. If your face got any hotter, it would be on fire.

“you really know how to talk to a girl”

“i really don’t, but i’m glad you’re enjoying my attempts to flirt”

“so you’re flirting? never would’ve known”

“i know, it’s hard to tell. i’m trying to be subtle”

You continued to message Noen for a while. It felt so natural, as if you weren’t talking to someone you had been crushing on for about a year now. You were extremely glad you weren’t coming off as awkward as you normally felt.

Finally, after having been sat on the floor for a good three hours, your back began to ache and your stomach was growling so loudly in attempts to get your attention. You realized then that you had put getting breakfast on hold in order to fall deep into the hole of internet gossip that had surrounded you overnight.

“love talking to you and all, but i’m gonna have to go for a little bit. i’ve been sat on the floor basically since i woke up and i haven’t eaten yet today so my stomach is very upset with me”

“why are you on the floor? 😂”

“when i’m stressed i tend to sit down no matter where i am, and i was very stressed to see my name plastered all over social media this morning”

“why were you stressed over that?”

“it’s not something i’m exactly used to. like i said, i’m not overly famous online. i just have a small following. i’m not someone who has an article written about every little thing she says. also like i said, i didn’t expect you to see me admit that i have a crush on you last night, so i was so worried about what your reaction was going to be”

“i guess i can understand that. i haven’t had a lot written about me. i’m not a big tiktoker like some of my friends are, but i guess that’s a blessing”

You started to type another message, but paused when you saw the three dots from Noen indicating that he was typing something else.

“for what it’s worth, i’ve had a internet crush on you since you first started streaming”

Your jaw dropped at this. You had started streaming months before you even knew about Noen, which meant he had known about you before you knew about him. Just when you thought this day couldn’t get any better.

“wow! that’s quite a while. you must be one of my first subscribers then”

“i’m up there i think. i’ll wear that badge with pride”

The three dots again. You waited anxiously to see what he was about to say.

“i liked getting to talk to you today, though. maybe we could talk offline sometime, like through text or phone call. maybe meet in person eventually”

Your smile was so wide that it hurt your cheeks. “yeah, i’d really like that”

You exchanged phone numbers and added his to your contacts. You finally pulled yourself off the floor and started making a super late breakfast while also starting to edit your next video since you had also gotten such a late start on that.

You were putting your food on a plate when your phone chimed, indicating a new text message.

“btw, it’s nice to finally get to meet you internet crush :)”

“it’s nice to get to meet you, too, internet crush”

You sat at the table, your heart feeling warm. And to think, it all came true thanks to one nosy donation.

Not sure how much I like this imagine, but I hope you enjoyed anyways!

[retrogradedreaming]

3, 6, & 20!!! ✨ - @steelandscience lol

3. what's a wip that you've procrastinated on the longest? why?

my novel because i ALWAYS procrastinate on my novels. they're harder to write than fic because i have to do all the work, i can't just take characters and settings i already know and write those. with my original writing, i feel more pressure to figure things out, fill in holes, make it GOOD because i want to publish it, and all of that becomes paralyzing if i'm not consciously writing every day. i don't think my original writing is as good as my fic, and as a former gifted kid, if i'm not amazing at it on the first try (or first draft) then i tend to give up (this is something i'm working on though). i've procrastinated because there are so many pieces i want to figure out but haven't yet, and the disorganization of the story and how far i've had to deviate from the outline makes my mind feel cluttered and then i don't want to write at all. this is just the tip of the iceberg on why i procrastinate on this particular wip, there are SO many things keeping me from doing it and most of them are things that wouldn't exist if i cared a little less.

6. write 3 sentences of any wip you'd like, post it in the answer.

well, sir e, congrats, you've made me work on my novel for the first time in a month and i don't even hate it!! so here's what i've got (plus the sentence before what i wrote just now for context):

“Do you really never wish you could leave?” Ellis asked without thinking.

“I never said that,” Enyo replied, the words soft and reedy, as if it took a herculean effort just to get them out. “But if I had to choose between in here and out there, it’s not much of a contest.”

Enyo turned his face up to the sunlight and closed his eyes. The light emphasized the shadows on his face, making him look even more gaunt and unwell, even as the soft glow warmed his features. It reminded Ellis of Winslow’s plants, reaching desperately for a shred of daylight, a breath of fresh air, even if they would never feel either without the film of the greenhouse between them and the outside. The only way someone could prefer life like this, Ellis thought, was if they had forgotten any other kind of existence.

20. how do you usually come up with story ideas?

lately i don't, haha. but in general, they come to me in all sorts of ways. sometimes i'll just be thinking in the shower or driving because those are pretty much the only places my mind wanders freely and i just think about stuff. sometimes i'll dream about something and write down something interesting. other times, i'll get inspired by something else and i'll get a flash of an idea that blooms into something bigger. occasionally i sit down and actually TRY to come up with an idea just by thinking about stuff i enjoy writing about or characters i like or things i want to explore.

i also take from my own life and experiences and fictionalize it because i feel like it's easier to write about myself if i'm not writing so directly about me, even if i'm using my emotions and experiences (like how my novel wip is essentially a giant fuck you to everyone who's ever said mental illness is all in your head like it's something you can just turn off and think your way out of). lastly, sometimes i come up with lines, just single lines that i write in a random notes app on my phone and leave to marinate, and there's a list of like 30 one-liners that i thought were pure gold sitting in there now. sometimes, if they relate closely enough, i piece them together into a full story.

[star-galaxy]

I hate being the 'therapist friend'.

TW under the cut

TW for mentions of abus3, r@pe, and trauma

I have friends who trauma dump, not even ask, but once they start talking, I feel like I can't tell them to be quiet or else I'M the rude one and I'M invalidating their experiences. I was once in a class and we were doing an activity where we talk about like a rose, bud, and thorn, and my friend/classmate (We aren't super close) talked about how movies saved her life because she was abus3d and movies would 'keep her quiet' as a kid so her family member wouldn't abuse her, then she talked about how everyone at our school is super rich and she talked about how she felt like it was so annoying that all of these 'rich' girls complained when they were so fortunate to be born in the families that they were.

Mind you, yes we go to a private school, and yes there are some girls who are upper middle class, but I have just as many friends who came from 'poor' households as I do friends who come from 'rich' households. She is also fortunate to go to our school as well! She could've been in a public school and suffered through THAT. I have some public school friends and all of them have stories of s3xual abuse and drug abuse at their schools, often happening to them themselves. Hell, one of my friends' schools has a football initiation where they g@ng r@pe the new member. This person who told me about this highschool experience also did not ask if they could tell me about it. The first gal talked about her disability and her deadbeat parent and obviously those things are terrible, but she never really asked if I wanted to hear about it.

This has happened to me many times, I guess people just 'trust' me. I like SUPPORTING my friends, and even strangers, but that does not mean you can come up to me for no reason and be like "My grandma died and I was diagnosed with X serious condition and I was in a car accident last week and now I will vent about every SINGLE PROBLEM IN MY LIFE". I know so many of my friends' traumas and I have no right to. And THEY have no right to trauma dump on me. I get it, everyone needs support, and yes I am willing to provide that support but ask me first because you have NO IDEA what I might be going through.

Another thing about being the 'Therapist Friend' is that the more that I hear from my friends the more invalidated I feel. Like I come from a decently well off family with two parents and the only 'traumatic' thing that I even remember is being bullied / (harshly) excluded in a way that gave me abandonment issues. Even then, these things were obviously bigger deals for 10 / 11 year old me than they are to me now. They did affect me then and they continue to affect me now.

This really hurts because when I feel stressed and frustrated about homework, an argument with my parents, my workload, my extracurriculars, my health, my body image, and my negative / intrusive thoughts there is always a friend there to trauma-dump on me! I never get to talk about my life or my stressors or what's wrong in my life! I'm not trying to be self centered here, but I am so DONE with the fact that I am literally just a bucket to hold the tears of my friends.

I also have ADHD and anxiety, some sensory and communication issues, as well as such a terrible memory that most of my life is lost to me. I do not know a lot about my own life, I forget my birthday, I forget holidays, I forget what day of the week it is, I forget when I need to go to class, I forget what happened on thursday of last week, I don't remember monumental vacations, and I even forget the names of friends, family, and other people in my life. I've been going to a tennis class for almost three months now and I don't even know my own coach's name. I've sat at a table with a classmate for almost five months and I always forget how you pronounce their name. My only saving graces at this moment are google calendar reminders, the photo app album feature, and the clock app's alarms.

I'm so tired of never being able to talk to my friends without them bringing up all of their traumas first.

It isn't all of my friends, and I even dumped a lot of this on to one of my friends a little bit ago (she said it was okay for me to do so after I asked her if I could) and she thought I was talking about only one friend, and she told me to drop them. I can't just drop ALL of my friends.

The thing is, at the same time as I am frustrated, I feel so glad that I have friends who feel like they can open up to me. But if one of my friends starts going I feel like I can't be like "can you stop?" because that's RUDE and what if they just need to vent for a little and then they will feel good? And if I tell them to stop what if they feel bad?

idk, sorry for the rant.