#the kids are just grown up but I am not bc I control time and also I don’t know how I’ll look in a couple of years so

[snirtsnirkarts]

Doodle of Them!!!

[natashatrace]

11/365

Would anyone like to join me for an 900 word not!fic about an AU living in my head involving alpha!Cyclone and omega!Rooster?

//

Mav pulls Bradley’s papers when he’s 17ish, right, and they’re all assuming he’s a beta bc he hasn’t presented yet. Bradley cuts Mav out of his life, moves away for school, and surprise - not a beta, just a late bloomer. He goes into heat his first or second year in college.

Bradley’s out of his mind with fear and the overwhelming heat and just. On instinct, he calls Mav bc he doesn’t have anyone else. And even though they haven’t spoken in so long, Mav answers on the second ring and Bradley manages to choke out what’s happening and Mav’s just. So terrified for and determined to help his kid despite all the distance between them. Especially because a newly presenting omega on a college campus does NOT a good situation make, right? It’s dangerous and Maverick knows it.

And Mav is calling around to try and get flown out to Bradley ASAP, trying to get him help from someone he trusts, etc etc etc. Finally, he gets in touch with Warlock and Warlock’s telling him that Cyclone, an unmated Alpha, is near there (for some reason, not important, shhh)

Mav and Cyclone haven’t met, but Mav’s heard good things about the guy and Ice says he’s a good man, too. So Mav just tucks his tail between his legs and calls and asks for the most embarrassing favor of his life, all the while still texting with Bradley to make sure he’s okay. Cyclone hears the situation and is immediately like “absolutely I’ll help, how do I get to him”

Cyclone’s really intending on just picking Bradley up and keeping him comfortable until Mav gets there, or maybe taking him to a clinic where he’ll be comfortable. Maybe Cyclone doesn’t have a mate on purpose bc it doesn’t appeal to him, again not important, but Cyclone showing up is a lot for poor new omega!Bradley to handle.

Bradley just clings to him and he’s so touch-starved already and, like. Cyclone tells him “Maverick sent me” and that’s enough for Bradley, he’s trusting Cyclone right away.

(Which, sidebar for worldbuilding, is also so dangerous!!! And is absolutely a byproduct of Bradley being assumed to be a beta, so he hasn’t been ‘brought up’ as an omega to know when to let his guard down, how to focus on pushing past his instincts, etc. And maybe that’s why Cyclone’s thinking “I can’t take him to a clinic, he could be taken advantage of by someone there because he just genuinely doesn’t know any differently, I’m keeping him with me…” ANYWAY)

He gets Bradley back to his house and starts to get a nest made for him and is, like. Talking him through what he’s doing, telling Bradley why he’s doing it, bc so much of this Bradley just doesn’t know.

And with it being a first heat, Bradley’s more terrified than he is turned on, tbh, so he’s incredibly grateful that Beau is actually so good to him?? Like, so obvi in control and caring for him while keeping a decent distance between them so Bradley knows he isn’t in danger here.

So by the time Mav gets there a day and a half later or whatever, Bradley’s calmer and the heat’s mostly passed and Bradley, like. Literally instinctively hides behind Cyclone when Mav gets there bc the Alpha v Alpha dynamic is a lot to handle at the moment. But he’s also so frustrated and very “I’m gonna fucking pull my own hair out what are these instincts I am feeling” (exasperated!Bradley my beloved)

But anyway, Mav sees how well he’s managed and he and Cyclone just share this nod and Mav is so fucking grateful. He’s able to get Bradley back to campus and they rebuild their relationship and Bradley still ends up in the Navy.

And then whoops, years later, Bradley’s at Top Gun for the first time, and whoops, Cyclone is one of the instructors. And he remembers how sweet Bradley smelled, and Bradley’s grown into himself now, confident enough that at the graduation ceremony, he tells Cyclone “your scent hasn’t changed, y’know” and is just a Flirty Handsome Boy. Cyclone is mildly distressed.

And maybe it’s a thing in this world where omegas can be on suppressants, but they do have to actually cycle every few months for their own health, so Bradley’s due for his. And obviously, he can go through it alone, but Cyclone’s back in his life and he wants.

He’s telling Cyclone he’s never had a real Alpha before, he’s only ever been alone for his heats, so Cyclone would be his first heat partner and Cyclone’s just like, “I’m not an animal, I’m totally unaffected by this” but spoiler alert: he’s LYING

Bradley just squaring his shoulders, meeting Cyclone’s eyes. “I’m telling you now, when I’m slick and out of my mind with heat, I’m going to ask for you, and I’m going to mean it.”

And that’s what actually convinces Cyclone to spend the heat with him. Bradley telling him ahead of time, when he’s lucid about it, that this is what he wants. So Cyclone agrees, Bradley starts his cycle and gets to make a nest in Cyclone’s living room for them both, just like Cyclone did that very first time.

Spoiler alert: it’s incredible and they fall in love, probably, and I think it’s great. Join me on the Cyclone/Rooster rarepair train, it’s fun ❤️

[1eos]

Hi, just read your post about immigrant mothers ruining their kid's jobs. My mother is not an immigrant but she's asian and she cannot for the life of her be considerate with my previous job situation.

I earned 2k monthIy. It's quite low bc we're poor and I have to use half of my pay to support my family. So I decided to take this remote part time job for savings (not just for me but for the family also) and bc of that I am almost in front of my laptop 24/7. It's a report writing job and usually I would have 2 reports weekly to be submitted within 4 days.

My mother hated that I am always in my room doing work and would get so angry because "I listen to the employers more than her". She would make me do a lot of house chores when she knew I was tired from work just to spite me, saying that in the house I do the least chores???? Yeah bc I have a deadline to catch OMG.

Usually I would plan my week for the reports but then she would make me drive her for errands etc and would guilt trip me if I don't do so. Because of this I would stay up all night trying to finish the report just so that she won't throw a fit. Also, I have 2 other brothers who have a lot of free time but just for gaming, not for chores.....but somehow I'm the bad guy......which also makes me believe all asian mothers are "boy moms" but that's for another day.

The problem about these mothers is not because they don't understand their children. It's because they DO NOT WANT to. Because if they do, it means they have to listen/cater to you; not the other way around. They rather die than doing THAT.

first n foremost i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that you're going thru this :(. it's truly thee worst to be sabotaged by a mother its truly so insidious and too many ppl in this day and age think its cute or like something we just have to suffer thru bc hey that lady gave birth to us and helped raise us. like the idea that GIRLS --bc they rarely if ever do this to sons--are literally put on earth to toil and suffer and serve their mothers, brothers, aunties etc until some man comes along and then u serve him w no thought or care for ourselves until we die is sooooooooo pervasive.

like its so sad that in 2024 you have someone purposefully going out of her way to sabotage your hustle :(((((((((((((((((( and i won't do the annoying 'just move out!' bc trust me ik how hard it is to move out right now!!!!!!!!! i will say i hope you maintain the strength and energy to persevere thru the sabotage 😐 you will win. misogyny will not win! m*thers who are mad that their daughters aren't just rolling over to be the family doormat. and its like? you'd think they'd be happy but that post partum jealousy is something else i'll tell you that

i still remember being a kid and my mom waiting until i was totally asleep to force me awake to put two dishes in the dish washer?????? and would be yelling and totally pissed off that im not standing at attention to do the dishes at 11pm 😭😭😭😭😭 bitch i was in literal rem sleep why are u screaming at an unconscious child? just lacking control or excitement in their own lives and take it out on their daughters its fucking sick

bc you're right lolllll its not that they 'dont understand' they deadass do not want to. which is why i don't believe in extending grace for bad mothers in a lot of these situations bc why the hell do i have to put myself in YOUR shoes and suffer disrespect always thinking about YOUR feelings when for the first 18 years you were the ONLY adult??? absolutely bizarre. i hope one day we can stop lighting up mothers for shit they can't control like crying babies or having to breastfeed and clock them for the way theyre cornerstones in keeping the patriarchy alive. and the specific bullshit mothers dole out and get away with it bc society expects total devotion to mothers especially from daughters like i need everyone to wake it up bc there's nooooo reason for a grown ass person to be sabotaging you like that! a lot of us are living in the house with our worst opponents and i hate it!

but bottom line? I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ANONNNN WE WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE I PROMMY

[blackberry-gingham]

Give me your favourite blorbos and favourite headcanon for them

Is this a Christmas present for me anon? Bc if it is, I love it and thank you 😚💖😭😭

I have a lot of characters I like, but as far as absolute faves rn, here's Gambit and Nightcrawler :) thank you so much for this generous ask and enjoy!

Gambit

Gambit's father tried to send Remy to receive formal education as a kid, but Gambit wasn't very cooperative about it (like, at all) and so he never finished

You would hardly know this though, as Gambit is not only, of course, able to read and write perfectly- but he is also bilingual (English and French), can write in cursive, and can read Roman numerals

Gambit grew up Catholic in comic canon, but as an adult he now carries and proclaims himself as atheist (this is also canon, I believe) however, in his heart of hearts, he's really more agnostic

Sometimes in dark hours, he will pray the rosary to soothe himself. That and, very rarely, he can sometimes be found sitting in the local chapel- just to think, he says

Also in comic canon, Gambit dreams of having a family and wants to be a dad one day- as for the headcannon, he'll never say a preference aloud, but secretly he hopes to have mostly girls

He has learned to braid and tie those big, glittery hair bows in preparation for this, but he would die before letting on about either of those skills

This is canon as far as the cartoon is concerned, but just for the record I hc that not only is Gambit indeed a really great cook, but it is also secretly one of his hobbies

Here's something interesting- in comic canon Gambit has his powers surgically reduced by Mr sinister so that he can better control them. For the hc, I believe this is where their red color comes from, but when he was at full power, his eyes were purple

Free fun fact! But this is how you can tell if the gambit I'm writing or drawing is at his full, godly power or not- I intentionally depict him with either color to suit my story/imagination

This might be actually controversial to some, but I am in this category of women myself, so do not fear: Gambit secretly is very (VERY) into curvy women, especially after having grown up in the south (he's a hips and thighs guy, if you're curious)

However, and this is the controversial part, he's one of Those Guys™ that feels ashamed of attraction, so he will very rarely pursue or even entertain them if anyone he knows is watching

If he thinks he can get away with it privately tho- he most definitely will go for it

In a world where he either doesn't end up with rogue or something tho, this weird embarrassment thing goes away entirely as he gets a little older and more emotionally mature

For my followers: this reservation does not exist at all in regards to dad bod Gambit. He proudly enjoys great food AND fine ass women- no holds barred

Gambit's love language is quality time, his myer briggs is ESTP, his sign is Leo, he's about 6'4 (I like to imagine him a little extra tall), and if you see me write/draw him with a dad bod he's at least about 34 years old

Nightcrawler

Nightcrawler cannot swim, at least- not formally

This has nothing to do with physical ability, but rather that he just never learned, mostly bc he has/had no need

He's never had any formal education either, and only learned to read and write at the monastery in his early 20s

This also means he barely spoke English until meeting the professor- now, he's fully fluent tho

I feel that some people are going to act like this is controversial, even tho it shouldn't be lmao- but I hc that Kurt is a virgin

I don't care what the comics say/imply or how old he is: on this blog he takes his faith very seriously and is waiting for marriage

While he grew up staunchly Catholic, as he has gotten older and had more opportunities to study religion on his own, he later converted to Christianity

On the subject of older Nightcrawler- as he ages, certain attributes of his mutation become more pronounced: his fur grows to a thicker, almost woolly texture, his top fangs are longer and protrude from his lip, and he gains slightly keener senses more akin to Wolverine's

On that note- Kurt's hair is naturally curly (although he does nothing to care for it) so once his fur starts growing thicker, this is where it gains it's interesting sherpa like quality instead of just the short, velvet like fuzz he's known for

While his human disguise changes all the time from comic to comic, I like to headcannon that Kurt's disguise is just his natural face and hair, but with human colors- obviously

I toyed with the idea that his human hair would be red/ginger like mother mystique, but ultimately I hc it to be a very light blonde and his eyes are honey brown

On virtue of being an extremely thin man, Kurt ALSO is strongly attracted to full figured women- unlike Gambit tho, at no point in his life does this attraction bother him nor impede his romantic pursuits

Kurt's love language is physical touch, his myer briggs is INFP, his sign is Cancer, and if you see me draw/write him with a dad bod he's probably about 38 years old

[surveillance-0011]

I am over here cracking up over Mux and Giblets and whatever their deal is... I'd love to hear more if u wanna share

ah thank you... it is a very tentative undeveloped idea so i don't have too much but here's what i have + brainstorming in real time

I think it's funny bc it's like. There's the musk-grimes similarities of weird dysfunctional silicon valley romance just without the music making but there's also kind of a jessica-roger rabbit component. Kind of. ever so slightly, probably the closest you can get with the most esoteric of space biology.

Idk where this happens on the timeline. Certainly before HOL but it has to be after Giblets starts to do the Sort of Stuff He Does but before it gets to its worst + he starts getting as paranoid as he is when we see him.

Also I am assuming Giblets had a wife before hand? Something something timeline I think Giblets had Krimothy before Mux but maybe not?? And idk where the Krubis incident fits in w/ this either.

Unless they met + dated way way back as a little fling at the start of their careers or in college or something. but then it's not as funny. There'd be the awkward ex situation then but what really intrigues me is the G3 and every Muxxalon employee looking on in horror as these two start holdin hands and being mushy as all hell

totally infatuated with each other the sort of couple that's sickeningly sweet they give off the vibes of high school sweethearts who have to be held back from making out in the hallways.

Mux is attracted to the mystique of it all. A super genius scientist AND a gang member? She is living the booktok plot of her dreams!

Meanwhile Giblets appreciates her power/status but is also just very infatuated like in general. And he loves how much she loves him. Pretty woman... thinks he's handsome... and he gets to show off how smart he is yay!!

So he shows off and waxes poetic and she swoons and meanwhile she goes and Girlbosses and dotes on him and he's over the moon about it. They love coming up with awful "genius" ideas together and dreaming of the day they rule the galaxy together

And they like seeing the other obliterate merks/muxxalon employees

And... yeah that's the positives, mostly just the novelty and the wow factor.

Between the both of them being... the sort of people they are... corrupt controlling selfish cruel and out of touch... etc etc etc... they do clash a lot. A lot of fighting then kiss and make up sort of situations...

Im just imagining that "pronouns suck" "nooo baby this isn't your heart!!" tweet but Mux is complaining about translator microbes or something and Gibs starts crytyping abt it

Gibs was totally ok with her screwing Gurgula's packages over tho

Far enough into their relationship there's another major fallout on twitter every other week because Mux and Giblets are at it again everyone!!! Grab yer popcorn!!!

The logic these two run on is almost on the same level but everyone else is fucking flabbergasted.

Everyone watching is like. Please break up. divorce. now. Or maybe it is better if you stay and keep each other in this situation.

Krubis has GOT to be their biggest fucking hater or maybe he is just. Trying to not acknowledge that this is happening bc it rises his blood pressure to concerning levels. Or so that he wouldn't say something dumb and end up in Gurgula's situation. Assuming this is before the whole. Sleeping with his wife convincing her to divorce him marrying her then killing her in an experiment thing.

Douglas thinks the whole thing is funny as fuck totally reading twitter over like the morning paper laughing his ass off.

Totally had a kid or pet or robot/lab grown creation with a stupid fucking name. I mean if Krimothy is their kid then maybe Krimothy is a stupid alien name but I love the idea of him being like. A kid and already aware of how fucked this whole situation is

Actually that's sad. That's not funny I don't love that at all. Krim honey I'm so sorry. His mom probably got custody so at least he's watching from afar.

And I think even in their worst moments they do actually. Get each other. In the end I think they understand each other's way of thinking more than others do. In their better moments they might be able to reel each other in...

Like to get a bit serious both seem like the sort of people who Cannot Help But Fuck Up. Mostly bc they don't care about most others but themselves and their pride. But while Mux is very enthralled by the glamor of living wealthily and all her nice ideas Giblets obsesses over science and how he can maintain safety and some semblance of happiness by sabotaging that of others... and I feel there'd have some moment where it. Clicks that they have this in common.

And they do appreciate each others lil quirks! He likes her Elden Ring builds... she likes the way he talks...

I'm assuming the breaking point would be Mux trying to take credit for something Giblets did or Giblets overstepping in his... Gibletness. Somehow. And then she'd feel disrespected by it. Or maybe their horoscopes said they'd break up.

Giblets is a whole can of worms. Because he's smart academically but near socially incapable and prone to spiraling into these. Fucked up self serving actions that ruin lives and shit. He has the mentality of a fucking Fargo character. So I feel it'd probably be his fault the most in the end

ig if there's anything heartwarming about this it would be that since Giblets doesn't mention Mux during that little speech they ended on good enough terms or were able to reconcile down the line to some extent? At the very least he felt sure she would not try to kill him.

I think it was messy for a while though. Custody over Goimpy Schoimpy Peanut Rendezvous 2000 was a bitch. Everyone was relieved when they actually started being cool w/ each other again or at least decided to leave each other alone.

I should make a little list of every like. Mux-Giblets situation but I will have to brainstorm all the new lows they'd be able 2 reach...

oh my god remember the whole thing with azealia banks. what was that. there's totally like. some adjacent shebang that went down with mux gib and. idk someone else.

[eirian]

oc spotlight: patoto (villainverse)

oh man ok. villainverse patoto. probably one of my favorite ocs ive ever made tbh

he started out as a joke almost, a sort of "what if?" au sorta deal. what if patoto was a villainous saiyan? it sounded like such a fun concept i just had to explore it. and then i came up with this design

which was just SO cool to me i couldnt stop thinking about it. and then before i knew it he became his own character--a patoto from a parallel universe where he was a ruthless warrior, totally opposite from his mainverse counterpart

he developed so fast from there. i gave him a companion that ended up being kinpa, and he developed into kinpa's bodyguard. i gave him a rival that ended up being calabris. i gave him a complicated relationship with his parents, one of which he thought was dead for most of his life (his armor is actually based off of hers to remember her by). his universe grew and his story basically wrote itself i was so obsessed with him and still am

here's his current ref showing how much he's grown

even today im still giving him more development and story! as of right now in the timeline (post-mirrors and post-facets), he has a child with his partner kinpa and his family has grown from just him to a group of six including himself! he's learned to have friends and open his heart to others, and he's gotten so strong im so proud of him.

mirrors would have never existed had i not ran with his concept like i did. his character and story contrasting with mainverse patoto's is just so fun and awesome to me and i've always had fun with it and i feel like i'll continue to have fun with it as well!!

i could honestly keep going about some specific details abt him like his relationship with kinpa and zumeg (both of them) and his father and his kid and. yknow what i will LOL

his relationship with kinpa started as just a bodyguard situation but OF COURSE that developed into an actual partnership bc i love that shit. he was this cold and frankly mean guy that wanted nothing to do with kinpa or being his bodyguard--he hated it. but after getting trapped on earth in a parallel universe, he learned to open up to the idea of having at least one friend and letting himself care about someone for the first time since he was a child.

as for his parents...thats complicated lol. (facets spoilers ahead !!!) his mother zumeg was presumed dead when she didnt return from a battle when he was just a boy, and his father left some time before that, so he was basically raised in an orphanage into adulthood (or at least until he could join the army). he met the mainverse zumeg and that shook him to his core bc she was not only so different but she still cared about him and reminded him what it was like to be loved by his own mother. it wasnt until way later, many many years later, that he decided he wanted to find his father and find out why he left them. after getting that clarification, he chose to give his father a second chance at being part of his life--more for himself than his father, really--and then not long after that he discovered his mother was actually alive, just under someone's control. he saved her, and suddenly he had a family again.

i havent quite developed his story with his kid just yet, but so far what i figure is that he isnt experienced with children at all so he does have a hard time balancing the tough parenting act and the gentle, kind parenting. snake (his son) does feel a pressure to be as great as his father, since he's heard the stories of how he saved the universe before and how he continues to fight and reach new heights. patoto is a little awkward at handling this and has a hard time showing that he's proud of his son and that sort of causes a little tension between them but it eventually works out

basically i love villainverse patoto. a lot. i would die for him actually

[mattypattypinky]

Gonna respond to this in a screenshot

BC I don't want this post to go in the FANDOM tags

(mainly bc i don't want to have to interact and argue w ppl bc of a hc😭)

Okay, first of all, everyone is entitled to their opinion / interpretation of him and his character. I mean, I'm a firm believer that he is an adult, but I know other people disagree. And that is okay.

That being said, one of the reasons I head canon him as an adult is simply because the ambiguous age, and the fact that I am one, and ship with him and I'm not going to ship with a 12 year old. (I know, shocking.)

But it goes further than that.

THE ART BOOK

we know from the art-book, that 🐐🌈 is canonically an adult.

I see the 🐐💚 form as nothing but a memory of what he once was.

Fifth anniv. ⏰ dialogues

I've seen a lot of people on Twitter saying that using this dialogue doesn't count, and that people 'erase the context of it' so I'm going to show the full context here.

Here, he sort of claims that he is grown up.

A lot of people argue that right under this line of dialogue he is being childish, and that kids refer to themselves as grown ups all the time, which that is true. But we have to take into consideration that adults are allowed to enjoy things, as well.

He goes against his own statement by hinting at exactly what type of gift he wants, and a lot of people argue that this is proof that he's just a child playing pretend, but I disagree with that mindset. Adults are allowed to want things, when you become an adult you do not just magically stop wanting fun things like coloring supplies and colorful things.

My best example/argument... would be 🍝🦴 himself.

A majority of the fandom interprets 🍝🦴 as an adult (from what I am aware of?) - despite him acting much more childish and innocent than 🌻 is.

He collects action figures, he wants to have a shiny red car, he gets read a bedtime story about fluffy bunnies, he plays dress up with a "battle body" constantly, there's more examples but need I say more??? Point being, despite his childish demeanor and innocent portrayal (despite him being one of the toughest monsters imo) - he is often portrayed or interpreted as an adult.

There is a point, where I feel like it might become a double standard??? imo?? i sometimes feel it is really Infantilising

How come 🍝🦴 can act just as, if not more childish than 🌻 does, and yet still be considered an adult?

also he's traumatized???

He got murdered, and is stuck in a time loop and a flower essentially, and has grown too cold to feel for others. Of course he is going to be explosive, irrational at times, and immature. It's because he's been hurt, his mind works different than 🍝🦴's because he has gone through more pain than he has and remembers it.

I feel like the argument that "Oh he acts immature so he's a child" is harmful not only bc it stimulates this belief that adults just magically lose their immature / happy fun sides, magically know how to deal w stressful situations, but also I think it's a little bad for neurodivergient people out there who are a lot like him. (ME SORRY SELF INDULGENT)

There are adults out there who can still want childish things, and that is okay. There are adults out there who still react immaturely to their emotions, and that is okay. There are adults out there who have trouble connecting with others, processing and identifying their emotions, and reacting to their emotions, and that is okay.

Hell, I'm gonna be turning 19 in like... 2 months, and I still would KILL to have like, toys and colorful things decking out my room and whatnot. It would be really, really nice. Does that make ME a child? And I still spiral out of control sometimes with my emotional outbursts and think I should get rid of everyone in my life, but I choose not to do it because I learn it is a bad habit and a bad decision and there are other ways to deal with your problems (communication) And I only started to learn how to do this A YEAR AGO!!! I WAS FUCKING RUINING MY RELATIONSHIPS A YEAR AGO BC I WAS STUPID, REACTIVE AND COULDN'T DEAL W MY EMOTIONS---

Point being, I interpret him as a neurodivergient adult who is traumatized and deserved time to heal and learn coping mechanisms.

I probably will have more to say about this at some point later. Again this is just my interpretation/thoughts on it ur allowed to see him different ??? Like ur allowed to think he's a kid but i personally think hes an adult bc i am an adult and i relate to everything he says / does and also the asriel adult confirmations,

[star-ocean-peahen]

fuck. my family is so messed up.

(i just need to get this off my chest)

(also idk even what to add as trigger warnings so like. parents being scary bc of their behavior??)

so my mom doesn't believe that my younger sibling is telling the truth about some wrongdoing because they have lied to her about similar things many times in the past and because she was sitting in a place where she would have seen them if they did what they said they did.

my dad believes that my sibling did not do the thing and is very upset with her for not trusting him. he was saying to my sibling with contempt that my mother is afraid of raising a teenager and implying heavily that she is being controlling and unfairly mistrustful towards them because of her fear. i really didnt like hearing this because my sibling already has a fractured relationship with our mom and being a young teenager, refuses to believe that she has his best interests in mind. and my dad says things like that to them a lot, where he expresses his upset opinions on what she does to him and their kids. it communicates that he thinks she shuts down everyone that disagrees with her mistreating her kid or husband and that she is a selfish, cruel person who cannot be trusted.

i don't think this is true at all. my mom and i are very close and she shares a lot with me. she has depression and various physical problems, which means she makes some mistakes. but guess fucking what she tries to understand when we're hurt and apologizes when she fucks up, and my dad never fucking does that. haha.

anyway my dad doesn't actually believe those things about my mom; they're both committed to working on their marriage and taking care of our family. he just doesn't have a filter when he's upset and doesn't understand sometimes what's appropriate to say to a kid.

so he said that to my sibling and then in the other room i spoke to him and asked him why he said that etc. he said he wants my sibling to understand where she's coming from (being a coward.) i said that expressing that was just going to damage their relationship because now they know that their dad doesn't trust their mom to treat them right. he said that she "dumped and vomited" (referring to emotional confiding) on him and he knows that she accuses them of things they don't do. so he was basically calling her a coward that hurts her family (which is not his real opinion of her because all the rest of his actions say otherwise). even though we were arguing, we weren't angry at each other, which is like the third time that's happened in my life.

in the end, i just started feeling really stupid and like i fucked up in saying anything at all and like i needed to apologize for questioning his parenting and questioning his perception of my mom and like i really was just her patsy ganging up with her against them. i always always always feel like im wrong at the end of an argument with him and even though i've grown and am willing to admit i'm wrong, i really didn't want to because he's NEVER going to tell me that he's wrong.

and there we go haha he never tells me that i'm right or that i did good. he's never fucking done that and hello self-doubt that's where you came from. hahaha i guess this is why i couldn't believe that i could ever be right about anything important as a middle schooler. and like. that's bad? that's a bad dad thing to do. that's a mistake on his part, not mine.

when the argument ended i just left to another room and cried like i always do after we argue. what am i supposed to do. our family is fucked up and im pretty sure that when my dad says that kind of thing to my sibling he's damaging their relationship with my mom and not helping the kid grow or building their self esteem. he's just teaching them that mom is unreliable. like yes it's important that kids know they can be right and the parent can be wrong but you don't teach that by basically telling the kid that their parent's a horrible person. you teach that by showing the kid that the parents are fallible and make mistakes and hurt you sometimes but it's their job to apologize and do better. and it's pretty rich coming from him because again, she apologizes to us and he doesn't. not even when he yells at us and it's so scary we end up crying. or when he says inappropriate things that are really scary when he's upset. or for calling my fatigue and exhaustion a "bitchy attitude". for a lot of those things he realized they were wrong and didn't do them again but he never apologized!! not because he didn't want to but because it literally just didn't occur to him!!

and it hurts so fucking much that im never going to get that from him. he loves me so much but he can't do this for me. i will always be the only one apologizing even if we both acknowledge we're wrong. fuck.

it feels so much like i have to take sides when he thinks of my mom this way. like i jump in to defend her but then im jumping in to defend her and that's incendiary and escalates the conflict. but i can't just let him tell my sibling all these awful, false things just because he's upset and not aware of how bad they are. and i can't tell all this to my mom because she should hear his thoughts from him, not me, in the same way my sibling should hear our mom's perspective from her and not him. i don't know what to fucking do and i hate myself so much right now for challenging him and believing the best of my mom.

im so fucking tired. my dad isn't doing any of these things out of malice he's just genuinely so upset and wrapped up in his own head that he doesn't realize what he's doing is hurtful. we've been building up more trust over the past few years as we've had more positive experience together but this just broke it all again. fuck.

and this isn't immediately relevant but i want to rant about all the inappropriate stuff he says if he's mad:

he's compared our outbursts or lashing out to vomiting and other visceral, disgusting, unwelcome intrusions.

he said very loudly in the middle of a restaurant with our friends at the same table (in the middle of a dispute with me) that if he had a gun to his head then he would do what my mom wanted.

when i was fifteen he told me that if there were ever gunmen holding me and my mom hostage and they told him to choose one of us to live that he would choose neither and let us both die because then he wouldn't have chosen to let one specific person die because that would be equivalent to murder. i was fucking fifteen and he told me he would rather have both me and my mother dead than feel like he committed a murder.

when i was a kid and fucked around with a steak knife he took it brandished it in my face and threatened to slice me with it if i was careless again. ever since i've compulsively glued my eyes to his hands when he's using a kitchen knife and i didn't even realize why until a few weeks ago. i also flinch every time he holds a knife and moves in my direction.

he swears. called my mom a bitch once. told me i was spewing shit and garbage.

this barely counts but he told me as a side note on multiple different occasions while discussing the bible verse that refers to soiled rags that it means rags soaked with period blood. like dad i don't need you to tell me that period blood is really gross i know already.

now for almost every single one of these things he either did them once and never again or has stopped doing them. that's why im not more concerned. but it still. it still hurts.

haha i just remembered that the one and only nightmare that make me wake up crying involved him yelling. im. im not really helping my case here.

fuck we're so messed up.

[edoro]

do you ever think about age regression & whether Hunter might do that at all? also hi, love your fics, hope you have a good day

thank you!

and you know, it's definitely an interesting thing - i haven't done a ton of reading either fic or actual Serious Examination Literature or personal experiences wrt age regression, although i've had like... one time it happened to me while doing some Trauma Journaling that was very weird and interesting.

i could definitely see it... his development has been really warped and stunted in some ways, accelerated in others, and there's obviously quite a lot of trauma that occurred when he was very young. i can imagine there are inner parts of himself that are still very much frozen at the moment of the trauma and that it wouldn't be hard to trigger him back to feeling small and helpless like he did when it happened.

i imagine that he'd probably find something like that really embarrassing and distressing. he's spent most of his life being shoved into positions of adult responsibility, forced to keep up with adults and prove himself against them, so he tries to come across as more mature and grown than he is, so something that made him feel small like that would be really scary. i imagine he'd be very afraid of anyone else noticing or catching him in that state.

i can also see him, once he does find out like, What That Is and that it's not abnormal or wrong or bad, finding it very soothing to try to like... do deliberately or, when he ends up accidentally in that state, intentionally take care of himself, or have someone else take care of him. some reparenting, you know. i can imagine he'd find it really powerfully healing and comforting to feel like a kid and be given the care and love and kindness he never received when he actually WAS a little kid.

(this bit under a cut bc i am discussing implicit csa and also Hunter's potential future sex life)

(since i do also think Hunter is just SUCH a sub and would get very into D/s dynamics when he starts getting sexually active in a consensual way with people his own age, i'm also turning over the idea of him incorporating this into his sex life... it could again be a way of kind of taking power over his trauma, turning the traumatic situation into something he feels in control of...

i don't typically see Willow as much of a mommy domme? i feel like i could definitely see the two of them being into ageplay, but i'm not sure if i can really solidly imagine Hunter wanting to actually regress in a sexual way... i feel like he'd more likely enjoy playing the role of like, a teen being 'taught' by an older woman, rather than recreating his childhood abuse with her...

but i could see him being comfortable eventually approaching her to like, be nice to him and take care of him when he's regressing in a non-sexual way... more of a big sister vibe than a mommy vibe, i think?)

[llycaons]

ep18 (1/2): in which wwx manipulates and lies to his friends and family (lovingly)

forgot this. he can just fly around catching birds. no wonder it's so easy to camp

I feel like birthdays really only crop up in american tv in the context of little kids. it's something children do.

xy twirling his hair as he walks away 😭 can your believe ppl still ship them after he murdered SL's entire family

this was such a good change for the show to make bc 1. this introduces the idea of bssr really naturally and 2. it gives wwx another interaction with SL, which is emotionally significant later for both us and the characters

also they need to slip in his backstory and all of its parallels to wx somehow and waiting until yi city is way too late

oh cool I love a t/n

wwx making it a mystical quest bound in ceremony and ritual to prevent jc from suspecting or asking too many questions, and to control his actions. ugh

that post abt jc hero-worshipping wwx continues to baffle me. in fact this is the only time we ever see jc so eager to follow wwx's directions and do what he says

'let her do anything' she is a grown woman she can gather herbs if she wants and what authority do you have to stop her 😭

this smile after he convinces jc about his plan is so haunting. you can see he's sxcited and then the smile fades and he just looks...resigned? fucking misery

yanqing warriors! when wwx mentions jyl leaving soon, wen qing freezes and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. what can it mean hmm?

I don't think jc would have accepted the core if he knew what wwx planned, which is why wwx kept it secret. one of the reasons

this is kind of manipulative no? not in a way to hurt her just to get her to agree with his plan. and maybe he means it too. maybe he would have done with without the debt of the jiangs held over his head. we'll never know

drugging you sister. sir!

I think it's really funny when wwx insults jc sorry I always will. he deserves to at least a little

first shot of wwx looking like a little mousie with his threabare pillow and jc a raging little brat. very similar to the first shot of the show! wwx bleeding and suicidal, and jc stalking over to finish the job. but in that scene and this one, we see there's more to the story

im going to fucking isekai myself into cql universe for the sole purpose of cuddling this child

you know I was so excited for jfm to say that. like go jfm! the haters were wrong about you! you love and protect at least one child under your care!

and then it IMMEDIATELY cuts to wwx hours later freezing because jfm told him 'jc is a good kid' and then he LEFT HIM THERE AND WENT TO BED

FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM. USELESS BASTARD. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM HERE

ugh it's not cool to hate on a 9 year old esp since he's lonely and neglected by his dad but he's such a brat

her parents and sect are so useless this preteen girl has to go out into the woods at like 1 am to find her new brother

wwx's first instinct was to find a tree to climb. dogs can't climb trees, but how many trees were in yiling for him to learn to climb? hmm

wwx falling is such a theme and jyl being the only one besides lwj to ever try to catch him....ough. his two lights indeed

jyl also actually explains why jc is upset rather than just telling him he'll be fine

HALF A DAY??!! hasn't he suffered enough. mein gott

and of course now she has to parent her two baby brothers one of whom is very traumatized and newly adopted and the other is very socially inept and clumsy so he came out to help and now he's BLEEDING. if I was her I would have carried so much resentment as an adult oops her parents are dead so I guess she can't even if she wanted to

YOU WILL SAY IT CRYING SOMEDAY

it's significant that (iirc) jc never says he's sorry in the main timeline. only twice in the story - here and at the very end. a lot of people consider the finale the end of their relationship, but I prefer to see it as a reset. a renewal. they're starting again. jc is crying and he's sorry for hurting wwx, and wwx forgives him because he's a nice kid and because he does care about him. and they can start from there, even if things will be different

they don't have jyl anymore, but everything's come out between them. they can coexist on equal footing. wwx has someone who protects him. jc doesn't resent him so much. all his anger is spent. he feels bad. they won't be what they were before, but I like to think they'll at least have some of the brotherhood they once did

jc also crying in his sleep with this flashback. lot of sleep crying these days

[jxnmzko]

it’s kinda crazy how you actually start to see the numbers go down on the scale when you start to eat healthy like i’m not even kidding i’ve been keeping track of all the calories and staying within a deficit and it’s genuinely insane to me to see the number go down. It’s also crazy how much hiking could help with that and how good it feels although sometimes i do overthink even when i am hiking. Sometimes i think about how actually big the world is and how it isn’t confined to the few places i know and how there’s so many things for me to see and visit and explore. It makes me feel super small and think about how my job really means nothing and how if i truly desired it i could start over anywhere because the world is so vast. There’s so many people and my worth isn’t attached to this person, it never was. Sometimes i could think about how they’re doing but it doesn’t benefit me in any way really but i think it’s okay to think about things like that.

Also sometimes i feel rly behind socially, like i finally got to talking with emilie like we literally live together but we haven’t rly hung out since high school. Sometimes ppl just drift apart but i never rly took it to heart. Anyways we caught up and she talked about all these guys she hooked up with and how much she’s been to the beach/parties and how drunk she got w her friends and it’s like bruh. When i hang out w my friends it’s to explore some shit but then i think maybe the best way to celebrate my youth is by drinking and mostly partying right? i mean most ppl do that ofc but i’ve like grown anxiety towards smoking because i can’t handle it like i used to and also with drinking bc i hate losing control of myself and i can feel myself just not enjoy it ever. So maybe i have to force myself in order to enjoy these things more but it just isn’t my thing /: emilie invited me to go out to a party and it’s okay i don’t mind but then i feel like a dumbass bc i don’t rly wanna be around everyone who will also be drunk? I haven’t been to therapy in a lil so idk maybe im overthinking like i always do but i simply want to enjoy myself in the ways i feel most comfortable doing so. Like i don’t mind trying new things but i’ve been down this road and i almost feel dread towards it 😔

but overall i feel kinda weird and neutral like that’s the best way to describe my brain right now. I’ve avoided social media mostly aside from tiktok and i just listen to music, i’ve grown a small appreciation for country too. but my brain feels quiet, not like too quiet bc i do overthink a lil bit but there’s nothing or anyone really dominating my thoughts???? it’s actually insane to think about because either i’d spend hours pondering my career and if it wasn’t that it’s about my body but im working on that now. I’m eating healthy and working out and im actively seeing the #’s drop so it isn’t something im overthinking anymore… but when i did over think my body then that would connect to me thinking about her a majority of the time but it wasn’t about the past, it was about missing her when we weren’t talking if that makes sense ? and now my brain is so neutral, i don’t think about ways to run away or ways i could reach out or anything.

I think it’s mostly because whenever i do go hiking i think about me and im in my brain entirely too much where now im okay with that. I’m okay with being alone truly, i would say that before and hours later id feel lonely but now its like ill feel it and then ill be fine because truly, i will be okay. I think i was so stuck in the fact that i didn’t like myself that i found comfort in that and thought my job was to show her there could be good potential out there, as well as thinking no one else would or could like me if she once did at some point. In reality my only job is to fulfill myself and only in ways it benefits me.

so yeah i’m feeling a little crazy because i’ll go on about my day without really thinking about anything until im finally in bed at night but even then ill watch some romance wlw shit and i’ll feel super content doing that and i’ve also realized that if im content with that then that’s all that matters. There’s no pressure for me to go on anything to find love because genuinely this dating shit is so fucked up right now and i don’t wanna deal with people who don’t even know wtf they want and if they do KINDA know what they want then there’s no loyalty or labels or anything like no bruh i want to be yearned for, im not on my yearning shit anymore cuz fuck that i did it and it got me hurt. So i feel entirely okay not pushing myself to meet anyone or feel like im weird for not wanting any fwb

i’m working on myself and there’s no need to overthink…. my brain feels weird…

i know once i feel content with myself and my body i’ll finally be okay and then illl b okay with what i do career wise and then i know ill have someone who will realize my worth and will be ready for the love im capable of giving because i have a lot of it to give. She will value the gifts i get because that is my top love language and maybe she will even keep a notes app of all the things i love like i do for all the people i’ve felt anything for. (: and ill no longer feel like a last choice, or like im not pretty enough and they’ll go out of their way for me like i have always done

[teamoimisstheoldyou]

sometimes I feel at this weird middle ground of not knowing who I am. I've always struggled behind closed doors with the way I look, with the way men treat me, and with the way I treat myself. I am kind, but far from gentle. I dont know if im beautiful. honestly, most of the time ive lived in my moms shadow, so ive never allowed myself to feel beautiful. now im turning 30 next year, and I want to make serious changes in my life. I dont want to be taking medications im currently on. I don't want to weigh as much as I do. I just dont even know the first step anymore. before everything used to be so black and white, but now everything feels gray and depressing. I wish I had the answer of how I could make myself feel better. but I know the it's not going to come from the attention of a man, the attention of someone else.

for the longest time, most people automatically assume either im male, or im gay. i dont let it bother me, but the truth is, the comments are routed in pain for me. not because there's anything wrong with either of those things, they just trigger me because my mom would use these tactics to manipulate me to dress more girly. and because of this, as an adult ive rebelled and dressed from the mens section for quite some time. I think uncovering the real meaning as to why I dress the way I do is to admit I have some resentment for the tactics my mom would use on me as a kid. My bio dad would also do the same, so I have grown up feeling not enough. it is so hard. it is extremely difficult ot feel like you're not enough , no matter what I do.

the career I chose has also not bared fruit in the way I thought it would. I thought I would be working on big budget films by now. I truly thought I would have my life together in Los Angeles, working alongside people I truly love as work collaborators. for now I feel stuck. stuck in a place where I need to show others how to be better versions of themselves, without believing I can be something better too because I feel unchallenged by the work I do. honestly, gil said this the other day and it stuck with me. we're the McDonalds of the music video industry, bc we don't create anything of substance. I think that the reason I cant create anything of substance is because im stuck in a place that I feel limited and that others are only in it for the money.

but truly,

I wish I had a better relationship with myself. I wish I could love myself the way others love themselves. I wish I wasn't crying rn. I feel so out of control of my emotions.

[murfpersonalblog]

I'm dumping my Omegaverse AU headcanons about The Vampire Armand here, as they don't really fit in my storyboard itself.

Cuz here's the thing about Armand.

Every frikkin adaptation's done him radically different. (We don't talk about QotD's Armand in this house! 😤)

Book Armand? Esp. from TVA? That whiny spoiled bratty out-of-control know-it-all easily impressionable jailbait with 1000 boy(man)friends in 1000 different taverns, wet-behind-the-ears I think I'm big & bad enough to hack down Marius' door with an effing battle axe and swordfight my ex boytoy cuz I'm a maneater just tryna make my undead lover/father-figure jealous enough to BITE me, balls-haven't-even-dropped-yet but I'm humping Beta Bianca one second cuz I'm Grown(TM) and hiding under her bed from Alpha Marius' scolding the next? Chile, that's an Omega.

If LDPDL thought he was hot stuff posing as a Beta, well Amadeo had already patented the Conflicted Dynamics Syndrome formula centuries ago, thinking he could act like an Alpha and get away with it, meanwhile living under the roof & rule of THE ALPHAMUS MAXIMUS, Marius de Romanus. 😂 .

Overcompensation is a thing, which is why he went buck wild as the coven leader of the Children of Darkness/Satan, ruling with a titanium fist because he's short and baby-faced and pretty and his voice will permanently crack since he's stuck as a frikkin 16/17 yr old for the rest of forever and he doesn't have an Alpha Voice he can use on anyone, just a mean streak a mile wide and a effton of uber-powerful vampire blood 1-degree of separation from Akasha herself backing him up (not that he knew that, ofc).

(If you can't tell, Armand's my favorite character in the VC books. 😅)

Like, of course he lost his mind panting after Marius in TVA, and then panting after Lestat in TVL, and then panting after Louis in IWTV, and then panting after Daniel in QotD, and then panting after Marius again in BC. Messy boots! In the end, I think the healthiest relationship he ever had was with his kids (by Marius), Benji & Sybelle. Some people just need to stay single till they're truly ready to mingle. (I've already said I don't like Devil's Minion--Daniel was the literal antithesis of "healthy"--Sybelle had more sense in her head than Daniel at some points.)

Movie Armand? That sexy BAMF slow-walking up that stage like a KING, whose face launched at least 5 seasons of the funniest vampire show I've ever seen on TV? That's an Alpha, baby. 😎 Yeah, he just sat there and let Santiago run roughshod all over Louis, acting like everything was out of his hands and big bad Santiago was in charge, I didn't know~!  🥺👉👈 But he also just sat there and let Louis run roughshod all over the entire frikkin theatre, flambé style, so he could start a new coven with his new boo-thang Louis. GOAT. 

AMC!Armand? Who the eff knows. 😅

Back when all we had was S1, I was pretty firm in my belief that Armand was a Beta. Even without the "Rashid" ruse, he's just so chill & zen & unbothered, never flying into extreme bouts of emotion like Alpha Daniel & Omega Louis. He balances them out and knows how to neutralize situations whereas the other two just snipe at each other, out for blood. That's certified Beta behavior, to be the only one in the room with working braincells.

But JFC, these S2 crumbs have had me feeling a type of waaaay~! 👀

And this is why I get so reticent about talking about Loumand, and Devil's Minion, and Lesmand, cuz half the time I think AMC's cooking up to have Armand be Satan incarnate, just manipulating EVERYONE; and other times I'm like watch they give this dude the most tragic backstory and paint him as the ultimate cinnamon roll.

So yeah, at the end of the day, Armand can run the entire GAMUT--he's the most complex character in TVC, IMO.

Which is probably why I love him so much, but am also SO SCARED to see what AMC does with him, cuz they really have the space & opportunity to really commit to how AR initially portrayed him, as THE big bad boogeyman of the vampires (until Akasha & Rhosh, ofc).

[ishikawayukis]

(hi!! I was pretty busy but I’m finally on vacation and came to my home country to visit my family last week!! hope you’re doing well<3)

Fr, I feel awkward when that happens bc I never know if I should be the one switching languages or waiting for the other person to do so, but I might change between both bc atp I’m just as bad talking in both JAJAJAJA pero no me sale el video:’) I’ve tried to click it but I think the link is missing lol

Okay idk if these are the flashbacks you were referring to, but now when I was finishing skypeia arc (my favorite so far!!) I did skip the whole Nolan backstory 😂😭 I’m sorry but I really needed to see Luffy go kick that electric ass ://

There’s more we can learn about the crew’s past?? That I don’t mind JAJAJA (es que si es lindo<3 him and Iñaki are so precious) so far I only know Sanji said he’s from the North Blue👀

NO WAY??? I mean I can see it if these episodes aired during 2001 but that’s not the reason I was expecting for Pell’s miraculous survival JAJAJ

SHUT UP IM DOWN BAD FOR HIM!!!!! Skypeia Zoro is everything to me I swear, he didn’t give a sh*t for that god act and he cared so much for everyone in the crew :c oh and I’m watching it in japanese!! I don’t really like watching anime dubbed lol Y SI BIEN LINDO JAJAJAJA I need more Luffy singing moments<3

OKAY I might reach it then bc I’m on the Enies Lobby arc rn (which is so freaking cool abilities-wise bc damn todos han tenido un upgrade increíble + el plot está tenso y emocionante JAJAJ) AND HELLO?? SANJI’S LEG JUST CAUGHT FIRE?? ZORO SUMMONED A FREAKING DEMON SPIRIT?? LUFFY HAS TWO NEW ABILITIES ON HIS SLEEVES??? (metaphorically at least lol) but yeah idk how much I’ll be able to watch while I’m home BUT I really want to know how this ends JAJAJAJ (y gracias por no dar spoilers<3 veremos como nos va con el timeskip JAJAJ)

Oh no you’re totally right, if it was zombie that would be a cry for help LOL when I heard the song for the first time, although I did like it, it felt too heavy for me if I were to listen to it on my bad days:’)

OH ALSO I GOT THAT THIRD PIERCING JAJAJAJAJ

have fun on vacation!! love that you were able to visit your home country too <333

(me dí cuenta q el video no estaba cuando se lo quería mostrar a una amiga y dije ay jesú la tecnología me ganó AAJJAJA) but it honestly was just dumb it was a video fo ace singing propuesta indecente to sanji and zoro being like i Will kick your ass it just had me giggling so much LMAO

those are exactly the flashbacks i'm refering to LMAO if you thought nolan's was bad...... i am so sorry they're gonna get worse LDSGKHL much love to those characters tho nolan's story was very fun i just did not care. and yeah there's more you're gonna learn about the crew, sanji being from the north blue is a huge huge hint tbh i honestly can't wait for you to get there

skypiea zoro truly is top tier 10/10 can you believe there's people that say you can skip thsi arc like are you stupid. and nice i can't watch things dubbed either unless they're things i watched dubbed as a kid LMAO otherwise i'm like what the Hell is going on man

ennies lobby is SO GOOOOOOOD they all go insane like we can see how much they've grown and just everything about that arc is so good, i'm usually not a big fan of the fights because they uuuuh pq las prolongan mucho AJJAAJ (se me olvidó el inglés) but the fights in ennies lobby? amazing 10/10 kaku i don't care that you're a bad guy i love you please be good man

AJAJAJAJ AMOOOOOO next time i'm about and about with my friends i will most likely get it as well because who am i kidding i don't have any self control LMAO

[weathernerdmando]

Your brain is not fully developed until you’re 25 and I can tell you with absolute certainty that despite thinking I was an adult at 19, I was not, and I am better at making decisions and weighing consequences now than I was at 18, 19, etc. 18 is only a legal threshold; you are still very much a child at 18. Have some compassion.

Hey anon, wanna know exactly what this argument allows for?

Taking away my rights. As a trans person. Which is actually happening. Which I mention in the post. The argument you're making is actively being used to oppress people.

Also, if you weren't an adult at 19 despite having the legal status in your opinion, your legal privileges should have been removed in your argument. Would you have wanted that? Because you *cannot* have those without the consequences.

Re: rights - "their brains are still developing so they can't consent to permeant changes to their body and hormone replacement bc what if they'll regret it?!!! Those poor trans people don't know what's best for them!!!" That's not just being said about kids. Its about adults too. It is in actual legislation being proposed to ban transitioning *after 18* regardless of that being legal adulthood.

Also, it's just the prefrontal cortex by 25. I looked it up. Irregardless, *if you or I at 19 made the choice to do what he did - AS AN ADULT* - I'd say it sucks but we would have been the only one to make that choice. At 19, I absolutely wouldn't have done that because it is incredibly risky as just a concept???? In the first place?? And he was not forced to do what he did, to the best of my knowledge.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/#:~:text=The%20fact%20that%20brain%20development,development%20of%20the%20prefrontal%20cortex

Does it suck the way they probably died? Yeah. It sounds horrific. Which that sucks on a human level, but I don't blame anyone *but* them and the company that took them because they made the choice, they signed the waivers, they went down and it unfortunately didn't go well. Does there need to be regulation to prevent it from happening again? Yes.

But do I weep for the sheer amount of ignoring a fuckton of danger to do this, all taken by adults? *Which they are?*

Absolutely not.

Also, it's not even the fact he's down there. It's the way everyone is acting like he is a LITERAL, LEGAL child and responding like he has NO agency. Which. Is extremely fucked up and what's pissing me off.

At 19, I was working, going to college and generally doing adult things despite it really only being my first year of even having a semblance of normal *teenaged* independence because my mom was a controlling nightmare.

I was still very aware of the fact that I was an adult and that was both exciting and terrifying because of the possibilities and their consequences. I was not a child. And despite the fact I have been in my twenties for some time now, people still treat me like I'm a child - a literal child - when they hear autism. Which pisses me off. I despise it when people infantilize anyone but actual infants because it is fucking shitty all around.

And that is what is going on.

And also, you are not everyone. Neither am I. You don't get to decide what rights should be granted when bc you think you weren't an adult at 19. I dont either. But 19 is an adult and he had more chance than either of us most likely to have a better idea of the consequences because his parents *are* wealthy and he would have grown up with that sort of knowledge more likely than either of us. He has less of a chance to be ignorant than either of us, I'd wager.

And again, he's an adult who signed a waiver and wasn't forced onto the damn thing.

So does the whole thing sound tragic on a human level? Yes, I absolutely don't want to go that way, etc. But did he accept the risks and am I going to wail over it? No. I'm going to think it's exceedingly incredibly how much lack of care for the risks took place and hope they tear the company responsible apart.

Also, since I forgot it in the original post and it's important, he knowingly was taking an incredibly dangerous trip to a FUCKING GRAVESITE.

[mayday505]

AU where The Flags are sent to infiltrate a government facility to steal records on a new weapon being created to harness the power of abilities. Except they break in and go to all the trouble to find a seven year old kid being held in the facility. It’s Chuuya lol. (i put a read more link for ur convenience this ones long boi)

And once Pianoman realises “oh shit the kids the weapon we came here to steal” they just kinda take Chuuya and run, but instead of taking him back to the port mafia (because they feel bad also it’s literally a kid they’d have to be pretty fucked up to let the mafia have him) they burn the lab to the ground and lie to Mori saying that the “cloned ability weapon” was already destroyed. So it’s just the gang of teenage flags adopting traumatised child Chuuya who has no memories and or recollection of how he got there in the first place other than the fact that he’s dangerous/possesses Arahabaki. And the flags all get really attached to Chuuya really fast bc he’s this adorable little kid who can’t control his ability and pianoman ends up having to make one of his wire weapons into a leash instead bc Chuuya will randomly float off after activating his ability like a balloon and they’re scared he’s gonna float off into space.

(One time he gets excited at something and floats upwards and gets stuck on the ceiling where none of them can reach him, and the entire time is just the flags panicking because HOW THE FUCK DO YOU RAISE A SUPERPOWERED CHILD THAT FLOATS??!)

And chuuyas never had positive human interactions before since he can’t remember his childhood and from the ages of 5-7 he was being experimented on by N, so he immediately like imprints on the flags like a baby duck and just follows them around everywhere (especially Pianoman, being their leader he’s the most responsible of them and yeah Chuuya calls him Pianodad a few times) And originally the plan was to just find the kids family and then give him back to his parents, but they know almost nothing and by this point when they actually find some information Chuuya has already decided that THIS is his family now and so the flags just adopt him instead.

And at some point like a year after they initially rescue him from the Lab, Verlaine comes looking for Chuuya, expecting like this fully grown teen or whatever but is met with eight year old Chuuya who still can’t speak Japanese fluently let alone control his mess of an ability. He takes one look at Verlaine and just starts crying and Verlaine has no clue what to do bc he’s trying to kidnap this kid but the little shit won’t stop screaming and floating away. Like Pianoman teaches Chuuya about stranger danger and Verlaines like "I’ll get u some candy" and chuuyas like “no my dad said not to take candy from weird men in suits who break into our house. >:[“

Also Lippman likes to dress Chuuya up in clothes that definitely shouldn’t be worn by a kid like cute little suits and hats. And chuuya absolutely hates this bc he just want to play but actually ends up keeping one of the hats lippman puts him in bc he likes it. He’s also definitely tried playing with Doc’s IV once or twice and Doc is there like “this kid fucking terrifies me he’s gonna pull the plug on me one day by accident”

Iceman and Albatross have both definitely played peekaboo with him at some point when they first took him in and made him cry bc Chuuya had no clue what object permanence was. And then as he gets older they try to entertain him the same way and 11 year old Chuuya is like “…what are you doing”

When the whole Verlaine thing happens the flags have to come clean to Mori that they’ve had this kid that was the weapon for like a year, and that now Verlaine is kinda on a war path bc of said kid. And Moris like “Lmao I knew but what am I gonna do with a seven year old I just let you handle it.” And so when he gets old enough Chuuya joins the mafia/knows other mafia members and is basically the golden child that everyone loves/dotes on. Pianoman has definitely forced both Kouyou and Hirotsu to babysit at some point to which they struggled bc this child is a menace and CAN HE NOT FLOAT OFF THIS IS SO INCONVENIENT. But Albatross taught him the art of puppy dog eyes, so Chuuya basically gets away with everything and nobody can tell him off because he’s too cute. Like he breaks one of Kouyous favourite vases and just pulls out the puppy dog eyes and wobbly lip and kouyous like “ugh fine I cant shout at that face” he’d also gatecrash Hirotsus missions when he gets somewhat older (maybe 12,13) and then avoid trouble by preying on hirotsus weakness for the eyes. Chuuya is an absolute menace.

When Dazai joins the mafia the circumstances are very different since in this Au chuuyas been in the mafia since day one basically. And Mori partners the two bc he sees potential in Dazai and Chuuya is literally begging at this point for missions and they’re both the same age. Which is funny because in the beginning everyone is much more worried about chuuya getting hurt than dazai (Kouyou and Pianoman definitely had a few talks with him that if he let Chuuya get hurt they’d kill him) but then Chuuya is like a public menace who’s committed so many crimes instead of the sweet kid they all think of him as. The flags and Hirotsu definitely take every opportunity to embarrass Chuuya in front of dazai by telling embarrassing stories about him as a kid too and Kouyou also likes to embarrass him in front of his subordinates when he eventually rises through the ranks to which Chuuya is like “I fucking hate all of you” to which all of the executives will tease him and chuuya can’t even threaten them because they don’t take him seriously.

Iceman definitely used to take photos whenever chuuya would float off using his ability, so now there’s just an entire photo album of Chuuya as a child floating in obscure places. This is like the bible to dazai he’s dead set on finding it so he can embarrass chuuya and chuuya wants nothing more than to find it so he can burn it. Also the flags get living privileges I let them live bc I can. Verlaine is in France living his best life with his boyfriend Rimbaud and Pianoman is an executive because I SAID SO. BECAUSE I SAID SO. LET ME HAVE THE SILLY LITTLE FAMILY DYNAMIC. the executive seats are so funny because it’s basically just Chuuyas adoptive mafia family + his boyfriend. Dazai walks into meetings like “woah am I interrupting a family reunion?”

Dazai leaving isn’t the big mess is was in canon, he even asks Chuuya to leave with him but Chuuya declines because the mafia *is* his family and despite Mori fucking them over with Oda and various other instances he can’t leave the flags or Kouyou. Dazai tells him they could find out about his past but. Chuuya still refuses because he doesn’t care anymore now that he has people he wants to protect. They’re on good terms when dazai leaves (Although the car still gets blown up lol) and they still keep in touch/on good terms when dazai joins the agency.

When Kyouka joins the mafia Chuuya goes big brother mode because fiNALLY there’s someone younger than him around for them to dote on. Kouyou takes her in and often asks him to babysit and chuuya will help her with her hair and buy her snacks etc. he’s just enjoying being an older brother. And because he was also a kid in the mafia he understands her to an extent that Kouyou and the others can’t, and Kyouka finds him to be her favourite in the mafia because of this. Chuuya is actually one of the ones to push for Kyouka to leave the mafia, because although he has the flags and everyone he’s still horribly adjusted to the world growing up around violence and a part of him wishes he could’ve been a normal kid and now he wants that for Kyouka. Kouyou is set on bringing her back but Chuuya sits her down and convinces her to let Kyouka go and live a normal life. Dazai receives a lot more messages and phone calls from Chuuya from that point on whenever he wants to check in on Kyouka and make sure she’s okay. During the guild arc he’s blowing up Dazais phone like “how could you let her get caught I’m going to kill you” and Kyouka often complains about missing Chuuya which leads to him visiting the agency quite a bit whenever this happens. (LOOK I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY IM COPING RN LET ME COPE)

Hc that Chuuya is really dramatic about “passing down the mantle” of big brother to atsushi and threatens to set Akutagawa on him if Kyouka so much as even gets a scratch on her because of him. He also complains a lot because he wishes Kyouka could’ve gone to school after leaving the mafia instead of joining the detective agency since he wanted her to have normalcy but this way she still faces danger. But after she assures him she’s happy and okay he backs off.

It gets to the point that the entire ADA just don’t see chuuya as a genuine threat to them bc he’s so friendly with them almost. And Fukuzawa offers him a job at some point which chuuya again declines. Of course he’s still a threat to them but his existence alone is like a buffer between full out war between the organisations since the mafia wouldn’t do anything to anger him and that includes hurting the ADA. The mafia knows that Kyouka and Dazai are off limits to them because those are both people that Chuuya cares about. And the ADA know that the flags are off limits in turn. Like the easiest way for the ADA to win a war against the mafia would be killing Doc or the other flag members who are close to the executives, but they know that if they do that the invisible truce would be broken and chuuya would probably kill them because that’s his family and the people that raised him. Cannibalism arc gets a bit messy in that sense that the mafia disregard the whole “don’t touch Kyouka or dazai” thing and the ada in turn get antsy about whether they should break their side of the unsaid rule and go after Doc (who’s the mafias doctor and an executive bc fuck Ace I actually don’t care about him) and chuuya is in the middle of it trying to protect all the people he cares about simultaneously when half of them are on the opposing side.

Anyways that’s my rambling for today bc this was bouncing around my head all night like I love the flags sm I need more content. And found family with Chuuya is just the single most best thing to exist. The au where Chuuya gets the love and care HE RIGHTFULLY DESERVES. and I selectively get rid of characters I kinda don’t care about (cough cough ace) also I just thought the premise of Verlaine trying to find Chuuya only to realise “this is a child what am I meant to do with a child I can’t mansplain my evil plan to him he won’t understand!!” and "Why wont he stop crying why is kidnapping actually kind of difficult??" so he just gives up and ships himself back to france.